The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 601 - Sam Pang & Tony Martin

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

Today we’re joined by SAM PANG and TONY MARTIN! As you can imagine, there’s a LOT of old TV talk including Tony’s access to a bootleg VHS ring back in the day. PLUS we try to get any kind of personal information on the record about Pang, Tommy’s had his romantic Valentine’s Day interrupted, and things have come full circle for Karl after a run-in with the cops in Thailand.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Sam Pang and Tony Martin. And this week, The Little Dum Dum Club is brought to you by our good friend, Hughes. Hughes! Hughes! Do you know Hughes? I do know Hughes. David Hughes. Dave Hughes, the great Australian stand-up. He is absolutely red-hot at the moment. I've seen him a lot around the clubs at the moment.

There is no one better than him at the moment at Stand Up Tommy. Believe you me. And he's dropping in at the top of the little dum-dum club to let you know to come and see his new show, Trending. It's on at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. That's right. It starts March 31, ends April the 24th. Half of it, if you want to come in, is a little venue I know very well called the European Beer Cafe. You know what?

If you come and see him for the first half of the festival, you might just see me stamping your little wrist. Oh, what a bonus. I know. If Hughie doesn't get you over the line. I know. If one of the most famous men in the country can't entice you in, maybe Dave Hughes will.

Oh, yeah. But, yes, I mean, I feel like we've subconsciously been doing ads for this show for the last six months. We talk about Hughsey a lot on the show. I love to do my little impression of him from time to time. But we love Hughsey genuinely. We make a lot of fun on here, but we both think he's one of the best. He's so fun to watch.

If you've never seen him live, make this the year. Treat yourself. This is a guy that... You know what? This is the biggest compliment I reckon I could pay him. never seen him live um make this the year treat yourself this is a guy that you know what this is this is the biggest compliment i reckon i could pay him is this is a guy where i reckon when people have brought him up before to me and i've gone you know what whatever you say about him positive or negative what you need to see is see him live because if you have any sort of negative connotation

of him if you do if you see him live you you cannot deny him yeah absolutely you're in the room with him and he's doing stand-up it's like you you walk out and you go yep nah he's real good well i was just telling you uh before we recorded that he did a spot at nick capper's cancer fundraiser on the weekend and he opened by going good on you all for being here good on nick capper a great comedian and most importantly good on me for doing this that's fucking funny that's undeniably good shit and i don't feel bad doing someone else's material on the podcast i mean look i hope that's not in his show i hope i haven't burnt i hope he's not just making kappa come down every night and sit side of stage that'll be on the gala but yeah go check out hughesie uh also very

we just looked him up, very moderately priced. Really is. Some shows are quite expensive in the Comedy Festival. For maybe the best committee in the country, this is a pretty good price. Yeah, good, and especially for a man that has about eight mortgages at the moment. Yes. Even cheaper. Yes.

So yeah, go check out Husey. He's on for the entire month of the Comedy Festival. In Melbourne. In Melbourne, of course. Tickets are at comedy.com. Yes. So, yeah, go check out Hughsey. He's on for the entire month of the Comedy Festival. In Melbourne. In Melbourne, of course. Tickets are at comedy.com.au. We need to get on with the episode. We will talk to you more at the end in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this fun new episode with Tony Martin and Sam Payne.

Hey, ladies. Hey. Hey ladies guests, please welcome back onto the show Tony Martin and Sam Pang. Wonderful to be here. It's great to have two people there. It's always an extra thrill to have two people on that I was a fan of before I got into comedy. Both of you. Today? When I was 16, 17, I used to not be invited to parties. I could stay home and watch The Late Show. Gotcha, yes. And then when I was desperately depressed going to my day job at age 27,

going over the Westgate Bridge to Port Melbourne to work in a book publishing factory, I was listening to you on Triple R. This is news to me, isn't it? You've never told me that. No. Don't reveal too much about yourself. Right, sorry. That's my tip for podcasts.

I'm an open book. I'm an open book. Well, that's where... Payne doesn't talk about his personal life. He doesn't want it out there that he used to work on Triple R. The Daily Mail's going to pick this up. He doesn't want people to know I was somehow inspired by him. I didn't know that.

That is... And also, Triple R is where we met. That's right. When you were doing The Breakfasters. And I had already heard Sam on the show doing something that still makes me laugh to this day, which is playing excerpts from Burt Reynolds' audio book of his autobiography.

My life. And then dissecting them. That was one of the best radio shows. Did you hear that on the way? Did you hear that on the bridge? I don't remember that. No, it's 7.45 on a Thursday appointment radio. I think it was a call time.

Is that a stressful mind of content though? Because it's like, you know those podcasts that are devoted to like reading through Mariah Carey's autobiography and stuff. I always think like if it gets really popular, you'd just be stressed and looking at the book going like, we're running out of pages here. Millions of downloads. What are we going to do when we finish reading this book? I've never listened to that podcast, My Dad Wrote a Porno, but how many pornos did you write? Exactly.

Surely that's a finite wealth. It's prolific. It's like Geoffrey Archer. Yeah. Did he do that Electric Blue series in the 80s? Oh, wow. I see in the video shop. Sammy, you old enough to remember Electric Blue,

a series of VHS cassettes that were in a special room at the back of the video library? Yeah. And they went up to number 40 or 50 or whatever. It was softcore. Yes. Yeah. Is that the name of the movie, Electric Blue?

It was the Electric Blue. It was like a magazine in VHS form. I see. An anthology. Yes. And then there was another one called the... The Mad Magazine of Porn. Yeah, and there was Red Shoe Diaries.

Was that a TV show? It was a TV show, yeah. Jeez, that's a big miss from me. I wish I knew it. You must have been at the back of a video shop and seen the Electric Blue series at some stage. I really didn't. When I was in a video store,

it was to grab one know, it was to grab one of the overnights because there wasn't... Imagine describing what a video store was. There was only five copies of Die Hard and you had to try to get in and get one of them. Otherwise, you had to... I remember... Go on the waiting list. Wait for them to call you up

and go, it's come in. I think the videos, like the new releases are the way that Pizza Hut worked like 25 years ago as well. The prices have never gone up since then. They peaked 25 years ago. Like the new releases

were $7. You get a large pizza for $7 back then. Hasn't changed. Hasn't changed since then. I don't know what happened but those two industries. Weekly's five for 10.

Yeah. That's what I thought. And you'd see a film you want but the card, remember they would slip a card into. Oh yeah. You wouldn't get the colour copy of the cover on top,

you'd get the black and white one behind. Oh yes. So you'd see some fool go up to the shop and go, here you go, Smokey and the Bandit 4 right here guys. And it's like, no, no,

no. You've got the photocopy version. That means it's out you idiot. I hated that. I want more visual cues as I'm walking up to the shelf. You know, like the ones where you're like, oh yeah, there's heaps of copies here. I'm still imagining Smokey and the Bandit 4.

I don't think they ever got to 4, did they? It's a big miss if they didn't. Wasn't Smokey and the Bandit 3 didn't have the bandit? That's right. There was one of them where the bandit wasn't in it. Bandit out. Bandit out. That's like, what is it, the last Bruce Lee video,

video, movie, the last Bruce Lee movie where they had about 10 minutes of footage yet the movie goes for 90 minutes because they splice in

old bits of old movies that he's done. Oh, yes. But there is a very, very impressive scene where they, where a guy talks to Jackie Chan,

Bruce Lee from the back and then you see the back of his head and then at some stage you sort of pan and he's looking in a mirror. Bruce Lee's the back and then you see the back of his head and then at some stage you sort of pan and he's looking in a mirror Bruce Lee's looking in a mirror and then there's a photocopy of Bruce Lee's face

stuck onto the mirror it's a piece of paper stuck on the mirror and you're supposed to think that's his reflection it's amazing if you're making a film now with all the tech they have once you get 50% of the have, you must just be like... Once you get 50% of the way through, you must just be like,

honestly, it doesn't really matter if any of these guys die on set. Because with deepfake stuff, we could just bang this out in a day. Absolutely. But back then, it would have been like, can we do this? The photocopy... Has anyone got a Xerox in here?

Can we even finish this movie? Someone would have been heralded as a genius on set. They must have been scratching their heads and someone goes, this new tech called the photocopier. What about we even finish this movie? Someone would have been heralded as a genius on set. They must have been scratching their heads and someone goes, this new tech called the photocopier. What about we give that a go? No one's going to know the difference. Out of all the Bruce Lee videos and movies and whatever,

the most impressive trick is getting away with that photocopy face. Oh, totally. It's definitely worth a look. I really have to see that now. Because if you think about, like you said to me, how far it's come. I watched the book of Boba Fett recently. And young Luke's... Mark Hamill is in that.

Yes. But with CGI. Whatever it is. And it looks pretty good. Oh, they make him look 20 or something. It's young. He's... I don't know where...

I can't remember where it is in the timeline. But it's young Luke. And it just looks like Mark Hamill. What is Mark? I don't know. Well, like the Anthony bourdain doco where they've used an ai to get him to do the voiceover for it even though he's dead so they've used existing really audio of him and then bits that they didn't have they fed his voice into a computer program that's filled in the gaps right people

were really off it but it's like it's not like they're having him go i support isis or anything like that like it's just he's just going like that was a delicious it's not like they're having him go, I support ISIS or anything like that. He's just going like, that was a delicious dessert. It's something he's written. It's like something he already thought. It's like one of those calls you get now that just have the automatic voices that you owe money to Amazon or whatever it is, except it's him. Why don't they get Bourdain doing that?

But if you think about how far it's come, Tone, because you remember in Gladiator how Oliver Reed passed away during that movie. Yeah, he actually, his last words were said on the ground in a bar when he asked someone to pass a drink down to him while he was lying flat on the ground. Those were his last words.

Yeah, well, his last scene in that movie is him getting killed, but it's just from behind. And isn't just some like dodgy bars in front of him or yeah there's something in front of it that's right there's a scene where they've got other footage of him and it looks like he's talking through some bars to russell crowe but there's just green screen bars in front and then they reckon that it cost wasn't it like three and a half million dollars to do that you're going that is the most expensive night on the piss ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like there's stuff, you know, that's like a film that's got heaps of like goofs on IMDb.

It's like, oh, you can see someone wearing a wristwatch in one scene and it's like they're covering up a guy who's died mid-production. Like I think they've got bigger fish to fry than just taking the cassia off the wrist. Like, come on. Well, look, you've revealed a lot about yourself already, Sam. Can I go? We've been talking about this before you got here.

What are we talking about? You're a mystery. Tony was saying people ask him about you, about like what is Sam Pang really like. You can't really find out much about you when you do a bit of Googling and stuff. There's websites devoted to what is going on with Sam Pang. There is not. There's not even that much info on this website that I'll show you here. Sam Pang facts for kids.

What is that? Wow. Sam Pang facts for kids. Let's hear some. So no pornographic facts are going to be in this. No, no, no. They're all left out. No, this is more just like the veggies he doesn't want to eat. Let's hear some. So no pornographic facts are going to be in this. They're all left out. No, this is more just like the veggies he doesn't want to eat.

Favourite dinosaur. But you are correct. I just got back from Tasmania and constantly asked about Sam. What is the story with Sam? There's no story. At the airport, any fruit in your bag and what's going on with Sam Pang. But is it because...

Have you got anything to declare about Sam Pang? Forget the raw chicken. The raw chicken we're going to let through. But what about... Are you on Wikipedia? Have you got a Wikipedia page? I believe so. I mean, you've gone straight to facts for kids, wouldn't you? Start with the

Wikipedia, surely. Well, I do like this. What I've found out about you is that there's no official statement on what your wife's name is, which is great, because you share that with me on the show. I don't say what my wife's name is. We call her Don't Say Her Name on this show. So I feel a kinship with you over that at the very least.

We're two peas in a pod keeping our families mysterious. I don't say my daughter's name either. We call her Blanket after the great nickname of Michael Jackson's child. Right. You know, I think I've mentioned my daughter's name on – this is the other thing, Tom. It's weird to say that you're private or mysterious considering there's breakfast radio every day.

Yes. And at some stages during this year, there'll be a front bar and have you been paying attention where I'm on two shows. Well, I'm not, you know, I'm not, what is it, J.D. Salinger? Do you know what I mean? I think I'm out there. I think I'm out there enough.

I think he was on Gold Breakfast with Dicko for a while, J.D. Salinger. I think it sticks out in the world of breakfast radio because most people at breakfast radio, they're out there, they're like, ah, me missus was on the toilet the other day and she's bloody yelling this. But that is a good point, Tony. That is a good name for breakfast radio, JD. Like, he surely, he could have been on.

JD and the chicken. Chicken. Is the chicken available? There's so many. I've discovered, I think there's about three chickens on radio around Australia because I often mention how I went on K-Rock one time and I was on hold on the phone. And while I was on hold, it was just, yeah, listening to Barry and the chicken.

And then the producer kept coming on going, can you not mention the chicken because we're having contract renegotiation trouble. And then you go to the show and it's Barry and the chicken. And then the guy on air goes, yeah, maybe let's, can we lose the chicken from that sounder until it's been sorted out? I think that was the guy from, he went on Big Brother, I think.

I think it might have been. Oh, that's right. Because they kept saying, don't call him Chicken, it's The Chicken. There was some kind of dispute about whether there was, it's like the Batman. Yeah, yeah.

Big rebrand. I like the chicken playing hard to get in negotiations. Absolutely. It's not really sure. Yeah. Chickens can't back down, I don't think, can they? They can't walk backwards. Yeah.

Can't back down. I don't think he's a real chicken. Oh, right. Okay. Okay. Just in the boardroom with management. Now, Mr. Chicken,

I'll stop you there. It's the chicken. This is the level of respect that I'm lobbying for in my new content. Well, hang on. Before we make any big statements, I'm just looking up

the chicken facts for kids. No, there's not much there. I didn't know about that website, though. My facts for kids. Yeah, facts for kids. But all the Sam Pang sites share about the same four or five facts. There's not much they could turn into kid facts. They're all adult facts.

They must all get together. They must all have an arrangement. If one of us finds out something about Pang, we've got to all share it They're all adult facts. They must all get together. They must all have like an arrangement. If one of us finds out something about Pang, we've got to all share it around amongst all the sites. They're all kid-friendly facts.

Yeah, and I would have thought that there's nothing to know. Well, I know that you... I'm really... Look, I'm on here. Yeah. Yeah, and look what you've exposed so far.

You watched Star Wars the other day. You brought up something last episode that I haven't seen on any of these sites. What's that? That your sister listens to the Little Dum Dum Club. Oh, yeah.

That's a sampling fact that's appropriate for kids. And hates it when I come on this show. Hates it. You're no good on that show. What are you doing wrong on the Dum Dum Club? I don't reveal enough. Well, there we go. You've got to get in the muck, baby.

Look, this... She hates it. She won't listen to this. She probably won't listen to this. The only one... She hasn't listened to three episodes out of, you know, out of your thousands. Here's an example of how close you play your cards to your chest.

What I love is this is on who.com.au slash isSampangMarried. So if you want to look that up. The World Health Organization. Yeah, yeah. Get out of there, jurisdiction, you would have thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not a lot of vaccine info, but there's a little bit of Sampang married? So if you want to look that up. The World Health Organization. Yeah, yeah. Get out of there, jurisdiction, you would have thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's not a lot of vaccine info,

but there's a little bit of Sampang stuff on here. So it says here, what I love is this. This is all I can get out of you. They've got this sentence here. In an interview with the Sydney Morning Herald in 2012, Pang revealed that the day his daughter was born was one of the happiest days of his life. Now, when you look up that interview with the Sydney Morning Herald,

this is your actual statement. Question to Sam Pang, when were you at your happiest? Answer, November 2, 2010. The date was announced that the Larry Sanders show was to be released on DVD. When it was first screened in Australia in the early 90s, Channel 10 played it out of sequence, which was very annoying for fans. For years, there seemed to be some doubt as to whether it would be ever released on DVD. Eventually sanity prevailed, but if it hadn't,

I would never have forgiven Channel 10 for their shabby treatment of the show. Full stop. The day my daughter was born was pretty good too. Oh, that's great. They've got that out of that. But see, I have to say, I'm agreeing. That would probably be my third greatest day when the Sanders box set came out.

It was an amazing day. It was an amazing day. It's beautiful to hear you gushing about your daughter, Larry, like that. And her sister, Hank. They've got that chunk out of there and they've just cherry-picked that bit. So also, so that was in 2012, wasn't it? Yes. See, what you should know too is that at the time I did not have a daughter.

Oh, really? That was a, here's one. I was a pure, so I could have said son or daughter. Great. So that was a gag? Yeah, right at the end. Right. You know, the day my kid was born was a good day as well.

But the first bit was obviously sincere. You know what I mean? So the bit about the Larry Sanders show was a big day. Fantastic extras. What we found out here is that Sam Pang's daughter is under 10 years old. She didn't exist in 2012. There we are. We're coming for you, Sam.

I don't think there is a daughter. I'm a truther. I don't think he has a kid at all. When are you getting us started on the Larry Sanders show? I don't think you've even got season two of the Larry Sanders show. That's going to be a hard one to explain. She's currently, we're working our way through the Dean Martin roasts. Oh, my God.

Because I've always thought there's nothing cooler in primary school than having an appreciation of old Vegas. Right. It gets you in there, you know, it's like... Doing some Rickles material at playtime. Yeah, having a good gag. When you're like eight years old, having a good gag about the Bellagio, that'll get you in good stead.

Wet weather day kids inside when we're placing PE with a recreation of the Friars club. I would love that. Anyway, I'm glad that you went back and found that. You really, this is like an episode of a strange story, really. But that first bit about the Larry Sanders show was like, man, that was, I was Yeah. But that first bit about the Larry Sanders show was like, man, I was sincere.

Never been more passionate. So I remember watching the Larry Sanders show on Channel 10. Yes. I haven't told you this before. Don't think so. I've told you nothing

before you say it. Exclusive. It used to be on. You didn't even tell us your surname until the third time you were on. They grab these shows. And they play two episodes in one hour

and then they cut the credits off so that it looked like it was one continuous episode. I do remember Channel 10's terrible treatment of things like Larry Sanders, Dream On, as well. Even Herman's Head. I think that was maybe... They played it all out of sequence. Punky Brewster never got a fair shake.

But they put it all on at weird times, 11.15 one week and 12.30 the next. Carl, this is the definitive example of that. Like Tony said, they'd try to make you think it was one ep, but I knew it wasn't. Right. And then they would grab it, Channel 10 would play the episodes depending on what was kind of hot at the time.

So I remember there was a double episode they played where the first episode, Larry was dating Sharon Stone because basic instinct was out and she was big. And then in the second episode, Larry Sanders had Corbin Bernson. Corbin Bernson? Yeah, from L.A. Law. Yeah, because Channel 10 was showing L.A. Law. And you're going, Larry's got different wives in these two episodes.

It was very confusing. That's great. They're treating it like it is a real talk show, like they're on the junket for a thing that's just on Channel 10. It was so annoying. That was me. I remember when Channel 9 showed the first series of The Sopranos, they cut all of the violence out of it.

So if you remember, for the first, if you watch The Sopranos not knowing what it is, for the first 20 minutes he says he's in waste disposal. And then there's just a bit where he gets into a road rage and just beats the shit out of this guy they cut that out so by the end of the first hour i thought he was in waste yeah get into the get into the big series finale and then they cut to black and just being like fucking channel nine they've done it again did they take the bins out or not? It's very confusing.

Back in the day when the networks are doing this, when they're like cutting shows down, are you aware, are you sensing as a young man that something's up? Because this is what I'm fascinated with is like, how does this get found out in an age without the internet and without that information out there? I'd read old school newspaper articles, and whatever the showbiz magazines were at the time. It was obviously, watching it though, Tommy,

you could see, like, Larry's got a different wife into 20 minutes later. You find out later, that was one episode from season two, one from season four. You're checking the Roman numerals on the copyright thing at the end of the episode now? That might have been a way to look at it too, like right at the end.

When was the series? 1993, 1996? That's right. We had it because, that's right, the D-Generation group, we were obsessed with the Letterman show that you couldn't get here. And we always thought, how could you get, like wouldn't it be great if we could just pay some kid in California to video it for us and send it over?

And so Michael Hirsch, who produces, now runs Working Dog, he went to see a live taping of Saturday Night Live, and he was sitting in the audience, and there was a kid sitting next to him who for some reason thought Hirsch worked on the show, and this kid had written these sketches and said, can you get these to Lorne Michaels? And Hirsch goes, look, I don't work on the show, And this kid had written these sketches and said, can you get these to Lorne Michaels? And Hirsch goes, look, I don't work on the show,

but can I just ask you, if we – I'm from Australia. And we ended up paying this kid. It was like a subscription service. We all paid $15 a month. Great. Went over to this kid, and then this huge box of VHSs would arrive. He would tape every episode of letterman every saturday night live and the larry sanders show which was just starting you

start you had the 1991 netflix this is how it worked and then we i became friends with alan davis who's you know on qi now and he heard via colin lane that i had vhHS's of the Larry Sanders show so I would then dub those tapes send them to England Alan Davis would get them he would make multiple copies

of those tapes for all his friends this is what life was like before YouTube this is like Pam and Tommy what I love about that is you get the tapes and you go fantastic

but just knowing what era this is you then all into the DJ and you then have to go tenths in buying an NTSC VHS player. It's like fucking $2,000. They had to be transferred. You're correct. They had to be.

Where are the Letterman videos now? I think they're all in Michael Hirsch's basement along with his full set of Hey Hey It's Saturday. He got a full set. Michael Hirsch, and I hope he doesn't mind me revealing this He was the person who started the campaign To get Hey Hey It's Saturday Moved from a morning show to an evening show

Really? Oh wow That was a campaign? Because I might have this wrong But was there some Because I was still living in New Zealand when this happened But it was a morning kids show I used to watch it

And then was it going to be axed or something? I don't... Look, I wasn't too knee-deep in the ratings. The hey-hey law. I remember the move from morning to night, and because originally it was called Hey, Hey, It's Saturday Night. Yes.

For a little while. But there was a campaign, there was a public campaign to have it become a night-time show, and that was spearheaded by Michael Hirsch. And when we first started working with him we went to his house and he had a room that was just

wall to wall VHS's of Hey Hey It's Saturday A campaign is like a really strong way of describing it, it's like what an easier time, there's no vaccines there's nothing for people to really get worked up about other than just this show's on at the wrong time of day.

Dictator Dan needs to put A8 Saturday on at night. But also it's like, not like bring it back or anything like that. It's still on air. Just move it. It's like, I'm obviously out on the piss on a Friday night. Put it on when I can watch it when I'm not hungover. That's clearly what this campaign is about. People protesting this podcast, release it on Fridays instead of Wednesdays. That's clearly what this campaign is about, isn't it? People protesting this podcast,

release it on Fridays instead of Wednesdays. It's a better day of the week. I've got to remember that next with Michael Hirsch, because he's the producer, the boss of Have Him Pay Attention. Every now and then people, they complain that we're not on at 8.30, and we're at 8.37. I go, mate, you can't move us seven minutes.

You've got to show moved a whole 12 hours. I'm pretty sure that was him. He was mad for it. Yeah. Well, also, good to know for any striving comedians out there who are trying to get on, have you been paying attention? Maybe just get in there with a bit of bribing with a bit of Ricky May footage or something from back in the day.

Right, something to add to the collection of VHS to chat about. Which you've never seen before, Wilbur Wilde solos or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Find out an episode that Michael doesn't have and then you can just say, hey, mate, you want this? You know where I reckon the information came from back in that day to go back to the cutting down of the Larry Sanders show? I remember when I was a kid,

it would always be someone who'd written into the Green Guide who'd recently been in America and would just have the scuttlebutt of like, you better guess what I saw over there. I actually wrote several letters to the Green Guide about the cutting of the Larry Sanders show. But I was doing it, I did, I think I had three or four published because I was comparing them to the VHSs that this kid was sending over. Because it was that thing where it's like a half hour show without ads.

But to get it into half an hour on Channel 10, they have to cut about seven minutes out to fit the ads in. So you're going screen by two screens set up next to each other. The Channel 10 broadcast and then this VHS from America. There was a lot less to do in the 90s. I wonder how they're verifying those letters in the Green Guide. You could just write in anything and it's like, I guess I'll take your word for it. I remember when The Simpsons did Who Shot Mr Burns?

Yeah, right. And obviously this is like, it's on nine months later here. Someone wrote into the Green Guide and was like, hey, I was just in America and here's who shot Mr Burns and just like gave it away. And it was like letter of the week and it took up like half a page and they had like a picture and everything. So it was like unavoidable, no spoiler alert, literally just turn the page and it's like, oh, well,

I can't wait for that to air in three months' time and hopefully have forgotten this bastard of a letter. I do remember like that was right on the verge of the internet coming in. Remember when The Simpsons was over here and we had four seasons maybe? And it was four great seasons, but then there was maybe two years where we didn't get a new season and everyone was just like, oh my God, we've all watched those four seasons 25 times.

We can't wait for season one. We all know the monorail song. Yeah, it's all like that. Maybe it wasn't two years it felt like so long and then I remember someone coming from America and going oh my god

I saw the next season it was amazing this is what happened Homer turns into this thing and then he goes into space goes into you know all these

crazy things happen I'm like oh my god they've really like amped up the Simpsons and when it finally come over that was just the Halloween episode

yeah right that wasn't like the episodes are short they're like eight minutes now they crammed three of them Marge got ate by an alien yeah yeah that was a lot more octopuses

in it do you remember do you remember who shot Mr. Bates was it a child or something it certainly was spoilers

it was the the child Maggie yeah forgotten that I'm old enough to remember what that's a piss take of which was who shot Wild or something? It certainly was. Spoilers. It was the child. Maggie. Maggie, right? Forgotten that. I'm old enough to remember what that's a piss take of, which was Who Shot JR on... Dallas.

Dallas, yeah. I never watched Dallas. Well, the whole thing references that, right? I've just revealed I don't watch Dallas either, by the way. Well, what about this? It's not really a fact for kids. They wouldn't know what Dallas is. That's a fact for boomers.

We'll make that URL. We need to get a scoop for the actual Facts for Kids website. We need your favourite dinosaur or your favourite colour. Favourite ice cream. Yeah. What about that? Yuckiest food. Yuckiest vegetable.

Give us something, Paige. Meanest parent. Favourite member of the Rat Pack. Well, I recently read Joey Bishop's book. Oh, my God. Is that as good as I've been hearing? Is he an absolute monster? It should just be called Revisionist History.

If you read Joey Bishop's book about his time at the Rat Pack, it was like Frank was carrying his bags. You know what I mean? It's completely changed. Last week's episode, I was worrying that we were losing the 20-year-old demographic It was like Frank was carrying his bags. You know what I mean? Like it's completely changed. What have they got? Last week's episode, I was worrying that we were losing the 20-year-old demographic because Dave O'Neill kept talking about the angels. Well, they're absolutely gone now.

Joey Bishop. Well, I have, I'll tell you what, I'm the same as you, by the way, so I used to listen and watch this man. And so I have you to thank for any time I even start doubting whether what I'm talking about is, is relevant or interesting. You once said to me,

right? You once said to me, said if whoever's listening or watching, you probably like the show or you. And so if they don't know what you're talking about, hopefully you make it interesting enough that they will either be interested enough to keep watching and listening or find out a bit more themselves. So that's why, like, if whoever's listening... If it wasn't for that magazine, I'd have no idea who Spiro Agnew is.

Right. Exactly. That was because of constant meetings with what we call program directors on radio where they'd go, what are you talking about Steven Seagal movies for? Nobody watches that shit. You want to be talking... everyone watches Gladiator. Talk about, you know, Gladiator more. And then you go, well, but if I'm driving along,

I'm not just listening to things that I've heard. If I hear someone talking interestingly about something I haven't heard of, don't you lean forward and want to know more? I remember being like 20 or so and getting really into Get This, and I think I would know about maybe like 5% of what you talked about. But it was just great, interesting, funny. It was like being a little baby where it's just like, ah, just the cadence of what's going on around me is kind of nice and soothing.

We weren't expecting that everyone had watched every episode of Police 10-7 on the Crime Investigation Network at 1.30 in the morning on Sunday on Foxtel. But it was kind of interesting to hear the clips. I was going, no more Big Brother clips. I was the same as that, Tommy. But I remember Ed Cavill telling me that you'd be no good in commercial radio. Oh, really? No, no.

But he said it from a nice... I said, why not? He goes, you know, just yesterday I was given a list of things that I'm not allowed to mention. And then I said, well, give me the first thing. And the first one is you're not allowed to mention Marlon Brando. Wow. I go, wow, you're not allowed to mention Marlon Brando. They're going to love this Burt Reynolds stuff that I've got coming.

Yeah, no, definitely there's a big rule of thumb in Breakfast Radio, Fox FM, when there are too many references of Last Tango in Paris. The Islanders. Dr. Moreau gets a run. That's right. It was Judith Lucy who mentioned Marlon Brando and got a furious call from one of the program directors going, we've told you this before.

Just mention people who are still alive. Don't mention some cat who died 30 years ago. That was me last week. Come on, mate. No more Doc Neeson references on the fucking little dum-dum club. Who did you have O'Neill on with? Sorry, Tom. Who did you have O'Neill on with?

Ask your sister. All right. Fair enough. No, speaking of old school references It was Chris Franklin actually Oh wow I just did a gig with him in Launceston He's a celebrity in Launceston now He's a beloved local figure

He was number one on the ARIA charts many years ago Yeah Well Dave O'Neill regularly appears on our breakfast show And he did a gig recently where it was in the beer garden of a Mexican restaurant yes are you aware of that Carl

yeah yeah yeah which Mexican restaurant it was one in Geelong yes okay alright you know it I do remember I do remember

I'm keen I saw a picture he put up that was like on the front page of a local newspaper yeah and it was him him obviously like performing like maybe underneath

a hill's hoist or something like that and I remember thinking this can't be a good gig because I knew who the supporting act was and she was sitting

in the front row and I'm like that's not good wow that's clearly a photographer going make this look better come and sit up the front

well the other one I heard was that he was asked to do seven minutes at a night recently right or some day whatever it was

he said yeah I can do seven minutes and then he was doing he was up there and he was in the middle of you know whatever he was doing

and then his alarm went off and this was his so his big out was well that's seven minutes see you later yeah yeah

very workmanlike I thought you I thought you were going to say that it was a text So his big out was, well, that's seven minutes. See you later. Yeah, yeah. Very workmanlike. I thought you were going to say that it was a text saying, you're meant to be at this other gig in a tent in a forest somewhere. I'm sure that was where he was going. Well, I thought you were being a bit unfair in the episode, whatever it was, two weeks ago now when people are hearing this, about Dave's references to the angels and then the very next night i was walking home down johnson

street i had my headphones on i walked past a pizza place i was like i might get a little snack in here and there was a group of like pretty young kids out the front this is a sunday night and they're all like having beers and they're kind of like pointing at me i take my headphones out and they're like one of them's like oh tomm oh, Tommy Dasolo from the little dum-dum club. And, you know, obviously with like lockdowns and corona and stuff, haven't had that thing of being really recognised in the street because of the pod for quite a long time. So I'm like, oh, hey.

And sort of thinking like, yeah, these are cool young kids. Like they're into it. This is great. And then the kid goes, my dad listens to your show. Yep. Can I get a photo? He'll be wrapped. Like I said, I got that a couple of weeks ago.

It was my uncle. So it was even one more removed. Yeah, right. Uncles could at least be a little closer in age. But a dad, it's like, I'm looking at him. I'm like, that's a 50-year-old minimum. How have you gone, Tom? Because in early days, it would have been autographs, wouldn't it?

Now it's photos. Autographs. Well, I was just, as I say, in Tasmania on tour with Luke McGregor and Celia Piccola, and they are like royalty over there because of Rosehaven. And everywhere we go, so many people just wanted to get photographs of them. Right. And I'm going, well, and they would often ask me, because they didn't know who I was, can you take the photo?

And then I go, are you going to be in the photo? And they'd be like, oh, no, just get a photo of them. And then I'm going, A, couldn't you have taken this photo yourself? And B, like, why would you want a photo of someone that you're not in? Like, couldn't you just get it off Google, you bitches? A better one. Yeah, for sure. It's really strange. Is that just people going in like couldn't you just get it off googly bitches a better one yeah for sure it's really strange is that just people

going like I look like shit I'm a big fan of these people I want a personal photo but I don't want to every time I look

at it I'm going to be reminded of my stupid face maybe they think they've got a real rule where it's like are you from the mainland

no then you can't be in the photo yeah maybe maybe hey mates it's Tommy and Carl from the little dum-dum club in the photo. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Hey, mates. It's Tommy and Carl from the Little Dum Dum Club. Ding dong.

Sneaking in in the middle of the episode to do a little bit of plugging. A lot of you probably, you get, you hear the, you hear the theme music wrapping up at the end

where saying goodbye to the guests and you're turning off your little podcast player because you're thinking, I'll be fucked if I'm going to sit through 45 minutes of ads for live shows.

Well, guess what? We're tricking you this week. Yeah, you can't get away from us. So, hey, just a little reminder because we're so, so, so close to the Melbourne Comedy Festival. We're doing a bunch of little things within that. Look, you know what we're doing. We're doing the 500th slash 600th episode. If you're listening, it's hot off the press.

It's this weekend. It's April the 2nd. It's at 2 p.m. There is on the day, if you can't find tickets, we've basically sold out. But on the day, they release a few more tickets. And they are primo tickets. So if you feel like you want to go and you want to bring a friend and you haven't been able to sit together with your friends or whatever, they're going to release some side-by-side tickets on April the 2nd on the day.

So get into that. It's going to release some side-by-side tickets on April 2nd on the day. So get into that. It's going to be one hell of a show. Most importantly, come to the shows after that. Go to April 9th, 16th, and 23rd. There's still plenty of tickets available for those. They are on the Saturday afternoon. They're at 4.30 p.m. at the European Beer Cafe. We've locked in all our guests.

They are excellent guests. We always have a ripper of a time in there. And we love it when it's chock-a-block. And it is not chock-a-block quite yet. So get onto that. And they're very reasonably priced tickets. They're $25. Yeah, get on it.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to that. Also, my solo show has started in Melbourne. TommyDassolo.com for tickets to that. All right. This is the last time. Well, no, you'll hear from us again in the episode. And then after that, you'll hear from the Talking Dumb Dumb Boys. But, yeah, back into it.

Oh, I wonder where I've put this in the episode. Yeah. Enjoy. Back to these fuckheads. What about this? A little bit of personal info. Scoop here. I saw you this morning on the way here.

I walked here and I walked past you at your local gym. So, look, I don't want... A little bit of a scoop. It's in Richmond. Can I give that out? Can I give it to you in Richmond? It's a bit late if I didn't want you to give it out. Well, it's possibly about 60 gyms in Richmond,

so I feel like I'm not giving away too much. I saw a car walking down. Was it Bridge Road? Yeah, Bridge Road. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on, hang on. That's a bit of a scoop for... Is that too much?

Interesting facts of Carl Chandler for kids now. Well, I paid him a compliment that he was looking... I thought he was looking fit. He goes, yeah, I've just had two bacon and egg McMuffins from Macca's. Two? Was it two? Yeah, I filled up two.

One is never enough. That's fair enough. Yeah, well, we are doing quite a bit of this today, so I thought I'd better fill up now. I don't want to be hungry in the middle of a podcast. I want to just be absolutely backed up for the rest of the day. I feel awful while I'm attempting to work. Without all that fuel,

I wouldn't have been able to conjure up the Ricky May reference about ten minutes ago. You are sharp today. Ricky May. I've got a Ricky May story. I was once on a plane that Ricky May was on, and it's the only time I've seen them do that thing where they have to remove the armrest so that he can have two seats.

Yeah, right. Okay, yeah. They used to do that with Andre the Giant. Wow. He was a giant. That makes sense. He was a giant. Yeah, yeah. A bit of a giveaway in the the Giant. Wow, he was a giant. That makes sense. He was a giant. Yeah, yeah.

A bit of a giveaway in the name that they would have had to have done that. So I walked all the way here and I sort of went down a little bit of memory lane because I went through where I used to live. So I reckon when we first met, Tommy, this might be where I used to live. Now, did you ever see the house that I lived in? Well, when I first met my girlfriend, I lived in quite a nice house in Abbotsford and then I went to a nice apartment in Richmond and then I went back to a very lived in quite a nice house in Abbotsford, and then I went to a nice apartment in Richmond, and then I went back to a very, very, very bad apartment in Abbotsford.

Yes, without you telling me the exact location, it was the third one that I met you at. Yes, it was next door to something that honestly could have been in Breaking Bad. There was this abandoned, weird-looking haunted house that was definitely a meth lab to some degree. There was little pinpricks of light used to come out in the middle of the night. I'm like, that's when you guys are cooking. And I was living right next to it.

There was three attempted break-ins while I was there. I used to look out my window and you could see people shooting up outside my window. And I was very lucky that I met my girlfriend a bit before that. While she was shooting up outside your window. No, no. When she was entering the bedroom window from outside. She'd see me in two good houses.

So it wasn't like the first impression I was looking at. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because... When I moved into my East Melbourne apartment, the place I lived in before here,

I was like, this is good for any potential dates or anything that I go on or anyone I meet. I live in a nice house now. I don't know we're saying how we've done the show. In all the times we've done it, we've never been to the same place. It's like you're two fugitives. On this show, we tend to both give away a little bit too much about our locations

and then it's like the freaks are closing in on us. We've got to move to another location. I do remember going to the place you just mentioned to do the podcast and you tried to impress me by name-dropping Nick Giannopoulos as being one of your neighbours. Yes, frequently came up on the show. Wow. Well, you know, actually, look, sidebar before I finish this story,

but when we would record at my house, you used to quite delight in sitting there and seeing what my wife's DVD collection was. It was fantastic. So I thought, and because we're not there today, I thought... You've taken a photo? Well, DVDs, she started to throw them all out.

Oh, okay. You still get them at the supermarket, though. I always got the feeling that's where she was getting them because there was a lot of 27 dresses. Absolutely. A lot of... So I said to her, can you just send me a list

Of like what you're watching At the moment So I can tell Tony Because you probably are That's good So then she This is the Netflix queue Well yeah

So she just sent me this And just like that Spencer Morning Wars Boeing the Downfall Million dollar listing Bling Empire Ozark

The Bureau I said no no no Hang on a minute Wow This is the list That you want people to know Can you tell me What you're actually watching

Yeah yeah yeah That's good And then I get this Beaches The Holiday Crazy in Love Hang on a minute. This is the list that you want people to know. Can you tell me what you're actually watching? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. And then I get this. Beaches, The Holiday, Crazy in Love, Something's Gotta Give, Book Club, Just Go With It. Wow. There's the real. There's the $10 DVDs at Coles.

Those are all supermarket DVDs. Book Club. And this is interesting because timeline-wise, you've just been in Thailand without your family for a week. Yes. And so she's just hitting the rom-coms while you're gone. Yeah, yeah. There's something a bit, I don't know what that, that's a bit bleak, isn't it?

Well, also, as I'm on the plane, she's watching Boeing The Downfall. I watched that. It's fucking great. Well, she's probably, she's pretending to watch it at the very least. Actually, my girlfriend made me watch that with her the night before I

was taking a flight and I was like, she's like, no, I really want to watch it. I'm like, I just, I don't know. And then we're

like a quarter of the way through. I'm like, please, can we just, can we put on SpongeBob or something? Like, fucking

hell. Given that you're saying that, very weirdly, my wife's also sent me, for some reason, the list, the top 12 TV shows that my daughter has watched. Oh, here we go. This helps you at all, Tony.

Mighty Little Beams, Fireman Sam, Barbie Adventures, Kongsuni and Friends, Bridge Shop Barber, Rainbow Ruby, and have you seen any of these? And Ozark. Fireman Sam's back. I have no idea what any of those words you just said are. No Bluey? No, not a fan of Bluey. Not a fan of Bluey? No, no.

Jesus Christ. More of a fan of, at number 10, Little Baby Bum. So I haven't caught, I'm not a big binger of this. Jesus Christ. Of anything at the moment, but that's what she's watching. Cocoa Melon gets a good go as well. Okay, all right. Well, I often get people sending me things from Bluey

because Bluey was the show from the 70s that Barjass was dubbed over from. So someone did a cartoon of Barjass in the style of the cartoon Bluey, and we put that on the Sizzletown Instagram, and that is by far the most popular thing we've ever put up there in five years. Has anyone made a supercut where they've taken your voice over stuff from bar jobs and put it over Bluey the cartoon? I think somebody has done something like that.

Somebody has made a Simpsons version of my Warren Perso sketch. I've often seen that. There's a lot of stoners with a lot of technology. See, these are the kind of people that make it necessary to move house every so often. So I was living in this terrible, terrible house that kept being attempted to be broken into.

Yep. And so you went to that. You know that it was a dodgy area, dodgy house, whatever. So when I, I think one of the first times I brought my girlfriend there, there was a tiny little bad, bad cafe out the front. And we sat out the front of the cafe and a guy walked by who

very very suitable for the area right a guy walked by and came up and said and you were just being like remember the remember the house in Williamstown

yeah yeah before this it was so nice we'll get back to those yeah yeah yeah doing this to save a bit of money yeah yeah so then

this guy comes up and goes oh you got you got have you got five dollars and my girlfriend my wife at the time goes oh here you go and like pulls out a person gives her gives the guy 20 and goes can you make change and he's like yeah sure and then gets it gets on his bike and rides away and i'm like ah fuck it of course he's gonna do it and i'm literally like just shaking my fist at him going, fucking come back.

And he's giving me the whole, see you, mate. I was hoping he was going to pull out one of those little, you know the little coin holder things that taxi drivers have? Right. The big long thing that's just got all the different. Yeah, no worries. I'd love one of them. Yeah.

I used to have them on that. That'd be handy. Conductors used to have them. Caddy. Yeah. Coin caddy. You know what I'm talking about? The big long metal thing where they're kind of like.

Yeah. Spring-loaded. It's got its own little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring them back. yeah coin cap you know what I'm talking about the big long metal thing where they're kind of yeah spring loaded yeah bring them back so she anyway she to this day if she goes out by herself

like at night or something I'll be like just beware of the wallet inspector tonight just watch out for that one don't be expecting any change in the dead of night tonight but

well we got here's one we had on the weekend we had a am I allowed to say dwarf is that a technical term or is that an insult i believe it's a technical term okay so a man who was undoubtedly a dwarf came up to us in the street on the weekend and just he had a phone out and he told us a story about how he didn't have any money and he needed money to get on the tram to get home.

And we go, oh, well, how much do you need? And he says to me and my girlfriend, it's $8.90 a head. And he wanted $8.90 from each of us. Apparently that was the cost of getting the tram. And this is terrible. This is terrible. But all the time, all I was thinking is, getting the tram. And this is terrible. This is terrible. But all the time, all I was thinking is,

can I get away with saying to him, are you a little short? I just so wanted to say it. And even afterwards, I should have just said it. And then I saw him about half an hour later just asking other people for $8. Why $8.90? Payne's listening to this guy and that's why you don't tell a personal story.

It'll get you cancelled. He's the wrong turn. I don't have these stories. I live in a gated community. Here's something that we can talk about that I'm not sure if we've talked about. I can talk about anything. All right.

Do you want me to talk about something? Here we go. If you want. Well, I recently went to Thailand. Do you want to talk about Thailand? Sanpeng. No. Hang on.

What's going on here? There we go. I think... No. Are you allowed to talk about Thailand yet? This is... It's public knowledge that... It's even on Sanpeng Facts for Kids, this one.

Is it? Tommy... The show or Tommy Gleiser and I? We got in trouble when the King of Thailand passed away. We didn't... Aren't you banned from going there? It feels like, I think it's nothing official, but I'm not going to, I wouldn't be risking

it. You know what I mean? Something's going to come up. I don't want any control. Yeah. So the King of Thailand had passed away. And of course, you know, now I would say rest in peace. Yeah.

Yeah. You said something and a lot of us were offended. Are you Thai? Basically. Isn't us were offended are you Thai? basically isn't Ed Kevley Thai? yes Dad's Thai he wouldn't tell he was on the show

a couple of weeks ago and he brought that up and we go tell us more and he said no just because Ed goes over there once a year

for a couple of weeks doesn't make him Thai let's not cast aspersions I've already done that and I've got in trouble. So, yeah, the King of Thailand passed away, and I think there were some jokes on the show, and then the... Did you know that it's illegal to...

You can't make a joke, even after he's dead. Yeah, well, especially after he's dead. You're not allowed to make fun of the King of Thailand. It's against the law. And so the Thai consulate or the Thai embassy, they were furious, and then they wanted an apology, which I think Channel 10 apologised, but the show didn't, if you know what I mean.

But Tommy and I... And it was a very half-assed apology. It was one of those alt-right apologies these days where it was like, sorry if someone decided to be offended out there. Was that from Channel 10? Yeah, right. It was one of those ones.

So you're still not cool with Thailand or you don't know? I don't... When, you know... You're not tempted to sort of do a Bangkok stopover on the way? No, when I'm travelling, when I'm travelling again, hopefully, I'll make sure there's no, you know, stopovers or anything. Because I just... Can you go into a Thai restaurant?

What happens there? Where was I on the weekend? I was in Mildura and the local Thai restaurant was called... I can imagine that being so scared of Thailand, you just go to Mildura instead. That's where I hide out in Mildura on the weekends. What was the pun? Thai-rific. Oh, Thai-rific.

There used to be one in Malvern called Bowtie, but it was B-E-A-U. So it's like a double pun, really. Okay, so it's a guy's name? Or like a... Oh, like Bow Bridges. Yeah. Okay. That's maybe a triple pun.

Yeah. My favourite one I've seen, which isn't even a pun, just in a country town, the Asian restaurant, is called Asian Chopsticks. It's like, yep. Yeah. We all checked out. Not a lot of creativity.

I remember there was an episode of Front Bar where this Chinese footballer from the 70s and 80s called Les Fong was on, right? And he was a very good player. And we asked him on the show whether, you know, of course back in the day there would have been, you know, it would have been a pretty tough era to play in, I would have thought, Les, regarding, you know, maybe racial, back in that day, there would have been, you know, it would have been a pretty, you know, tough era to play in, I would have thought, Les, you know, regarding, you know,

maybe racial vilification and stuff like that. And he goes, oh, no, no. It was all great. It was all fine back then. Everything was no problems at all. And my teammates were great. And then I go, oh, yeah, what was your nickname? And he said, Chopsticks.

Oh, my God. I don't know if it, Your memories of it may not be... I mean, foggy. Like, it's not even catchy, chopsticks. Yeah, yeah. It's harder. It's harder to say. It's longer.

I was yelling at chopsticks. Mate, so, yeah, there you go. Is that fun facts for kids? I'm banned from Thailand? No, no, no. Well, it will be soon, but... No, so I just went there. Didn't see you, obviously, over there.

How was it? It was very nice, thank you. Did a week over there. Didn't see you obviously over there. How was it? It was very nice. Thank you. Did a week over there. That's why your wife's watching. Something's got to give. Is that something a week in Thailand away from you is maybe the thing? How to lose a guy in 10 days.

Yeah, by yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Met up with a couple of mates. But did a, did a, got on the scooter, went around. Did a thing, well well put it this way I did something that made me

I've been to Thailand maybe 15 times maybe a bit more I I've finally done something that makes me feel like I'm officially an Australian

in Thailand what what do you think that is I've never been to Thailand so well you can still guess Tone any thoughts?

Sex tourism? No, no, no. After 15 times, I decided... You lived in there too. What is all this chat about the sex tourism? Sex tourism? Yeah, he did that trip one. He's not finally getting around to it now.

What did he do? He went to cockfight. I fell off my scooter. Oh, okay. I did that horrible thing where... Badly? Australians go to Asia and think, oh, we can just do whatever we want here.

There's no rules over here. Because you can get a scooter without having a license or anything. You can just ride around. I'd never been on a motorbike before, like a couple of years ago. And they go, oh, there you go. They don't even check.

Like this time was the first, the closest time to being checked this time. I hired a scooter and they go, they just looked at me. The way I took I hired a scooter and they just looked at me. The way I took hold of the scooter, they just looked at me and went, can you ride one of these? And I go, yeah. And then literally two seconds later, how do you start it again?

It's been two years. What a safety check, mate. Yeah. So I finally fell off a scooter and did myself a bit of damage. Fell on my shoulder and it's still very, very tender. But, so I've had that officially happen. So I feel like I'm a proper tourist now. But this is something else that happened.

I talked a couple of weeks ago. I got stopped by police, which had never happened before. Now, I was riding around the island and, look, I was adhering to all the rules that you would do here. I was, I think this one day I'd gone and seen a sunset and I'd gone to another bar and I'd had probably three beers in about three or four hours, which I think that's okay, like in Australia, right? That's all right. I'm not getting much.

Yeah, I think I had had okay yeah somebody said he's responsible serving of alcohol license for a while never used it once but certainly went in for it yeah you know i would have thought that's more than fine yeah that's fine isn't it so but then i'd also been reading on like the forums about how uh police have sort of been pulling people up and making up rules and all this sort of stuff. And a friend there told me about how he'd been stung by, you know, he should have gone to jail. And then they sort of went, if you want to go to your ATM, maybe you can fix the problem of being in jail. So I heard all these like sort of weird and horror stories and whatever. So I'm riding around the bike.

I probably had three beers in four hours, something like that. probably had three beers in four hours something like that and then uh i for some weird reason i decided to pull over by the side of the road just thinking oh i've got to go find some restaurant at some point so i've pulled over and i couldn't have timed any worse i pulled over directly in front of two policemen like in like for no good reason could have pulled over anywhere and wouldn't have gone anywhere near any policeman i've pulled over as close as I am to you right now. Directly and so close, I pulled over right there where they just go,

what are you doing? And me going, oh shit. And I've got the fear of God in me from hearing those stories and whatever. And I pulled over right in front and they've got quite aggressive going, what are you doing here?

And I'm like, I'm trying to find a restaurant. And meanwhile, I'm in a restaurant district where there are 30 restaurants all around me yeah 30 restaurants all around me and i'm like uh trying to find a restaurant and they're like what do you mean they're all around and i'm going uh uh i don't know and then they go okay get off the bike come over here and i'm like fuck you know what's gonna happen here and they go, show us what's in your bag right now. I go, okay. And I'm thinking, what's this all about?

Like they're looking for, I guess, like... Little Dum Dum Club merchandise. Yeah. What is in your bag, by the way? No, not much, actually. Why have you got to ride down to the sunset, better load up the backpack? I think maybe like a change of shorts or maybe

what maybe i'd had that okay yeah whenever i go out for dinner i always take a you've got the syndrome of being in the city too long where it's just like the default you leave the house you need the backpack yeah and then you go away and you can't get yourself out of the mentality of like i don't need need the backpack. What am I doing? But also when you're in the bag and if you go shopping, you buy anything, well, where do you put it then? You can't hang on to it. Yeah, but then they're giving you a bag.

Yeah. So what was in the bag? DVD of failure to launch. Matthew McConaughey. I can't go home empty handed. Five Rebel Wilson films yeah now we get to launch that's a dead bad one

so they go through my bag and at this point like the impression I've made after five seconds is I must be on drugs or something so they're going through

the bag looking for drugs so I'm like okay and of course I'm shitting myself so I'm like yeah go for it I'll open every compartment I don't sure and then they go now show us what's in your wallet I'm like, okay. And of course, I'm shitting myself. So I'm like, yeah, go for it. I'll open every compartment. I don't, sure.

And then they go, now show us what's in your wallet. I'm like, okay, sure. All right. And I do that as well. And then they sort of go, okay, you're okay. And then they go, just go to that restaurant over there. And I'm like, oh, okay. And I literally just go, oh man, this is my way out of jail.

Great. All right. I'll just go to the police restaurant. The police recommended restaurant. Yeah. So I just like, I'm so keen. I just bolt for it.

Great. Oh, that's exactly what I was looking for. Thank you very much. And take off. I get like 10 meters away to the restaurant and then I just hear them go, hey,

screaming at me and I turn around. I'm like, oh my God, like come here. Like fuck. So I come back and I'm like,

what's wrong? And they go, you've my God, come here. I'm like, fuck. So I come back. I'm like, what's wrong? And they go, you've left your motorbike running? You've got your key in the bike? Like the true act of someone who's completely under control and not suspicious at all. I'm probably not going to eat all that much. I'm thinking I'll be back pretty quickly. Just an entree for me.

So I've done that and I'm thinking, oh, and they go, yeah, it's all good. And I'm like, fuck, how have I gotten away with this? Like this is like the very least that suspicious behavior I would have thought. So then the next day I go to, the next day I've got like two days left, I think, of being over there. So I've got enough money for two days left. So I go to go to the currency exchange thing. And I've got, right, I've still got a $100 note, Australian note. I go to change it and then go, hang on on a minute i don't have that hundred dollar note anymore

where's that gone and when i've when i've shown my wallet to the to the police they've just taken there's been ty bart in there there's been 100 note in there they know their currency over there this guy's taking the 100 note out of there and it's gone. So then I ring my wife that night and explain what happened. And she goes, you just got wallet inspected. Yes. Wow. So now she can use that from you for the rest of your life.

Yeah. Now I'm one all with my wife. Jeez. Wow. So 100 baht though, what's that? No, 100 bucks. Oh, 100 bucks. They took the $100.

There was one piece Of Australian currency And the rest was Bart Right Oh 100 dollars They've left the Bart And they've lifted the Aussie Yeah Ah interesting

They've been a bit too snooty For their own currency Okay They just said No we know what that means 100 dollars Yeah This is just a reverse engineered story

To be like I'm walking around with hundreds And millions of dollars No big deal Someone's down alright Yeah yeah I didn't even go to Thailand I had a million dollar notion there And I didn't even go to Thailand.

I had a million dollar note in there and I didn't even notice it was gone until a week later. Yeah, the caviar over there was definitely pirated. I could tell. So you're not even watching them that closely while they're looking through the wallet. What are you supposed to do? I'm thinking I'm going to jail. Like my bag.

I'm just going, yeah, go through it. Here's my wallet. Do whatever you want. As long as I don't have to go to jail. Damn. Yeah. I wonder what they'd do

with that hundred bucks. Spend it at that restaurant. Yeah, yeah. And I was the restaurant. You know what? I didn't even go to the restaurant. Oh, yes. I went, no.

Defund the police. I literally went and hid for a while until they left. Where'd you hide? I just went and took off. In your bag? It sounds like you had a good holiday. It sounds like you had a good week away. Good to unwind.

So stressful back in the city. Hid with my bad shoulder that I'd cracked apart the night before as well. Yeah. It was good to get away from it all. I was at the bank last week because I still go to the bank because I have a passbook account. So do I, obviously. That's why I've got $100 notes.

But the woman's doing all the business with the passbook and they've got a little pile of books that they have at the bank called The Little Black Book of Scams, which comes from the – it's like a government issue. And I'm just leafing through it and it's just got standard issue, phone scams identity theft so i've i've had a look and i've put it down the woman behind the counter's gone not interested in the book of scams and i've gone oh look i've heard of all those scams she goes has you have you heard

of all of them have you not worried about the one where two gentlemen come to your house dressed as policemen that's a very specific thing to mention. That wasn't in the book, by the way. Was that in the book? It was in the book. And then she started to tell me about how it's rife, apparently. Two men come to your house dressed as cops. Apparently a regular scam in Melbourne.

Were they just strippers? That's right. So that's a lesson for anyone listening. Any police ever try and talk to you, you just say, fuck off, I'm not being scammed. I've got the little book here. fuck off, I'm not being banned. I've got the little book here. I'm sure it's not in there. Not worried about the one where two gentlemen dressed as policemen,

one dressed as a red Indian, a motorcycle cop. Scam you into going to a recreational facility. Not interested in the one where two policemen pretend to be from Thailand and look in your wallet. Well, while you were doing that, or just after you got back, maybe it was Valentine's Day, and I went on a romantic little staycation with my girlfriend and we went to Arboria Float.

Do you guys know that venue? It's in the city. It's on the water. Yeah, it's on the water and it's kind of done up like it's a sort of, how would you describe it, like it's a resort kind of theme. There's like a little mini pool in the bar as part of it that you can just kind of like dangle your feet in. And so we were staying, it's usually it's too busy to get into,

but because we were staying across the road from it, we could see out our window that it was like pretty empty. This is the middle of the afternoon. So we're like, oh, let's go over and get a drink. It's always, you know, you walk past on a Friday night, there's a line to get in. This is a good chance oh, let's go over and get a drink. It's always, you know, you walk past on a Friday night. There's a line to get in. This is a good chance to just kind of go over and get in. And then we go in there and it's one of the weirdest vibes I've ever seen

in a venue because on the day that it was Valentine's Day here, it was also the Super Bowl day in America, right? So you have this bar that's full of half couples on romantic dates and then half meatheads who've just been drinking since 10 a.m. and are absolutely leathered, just completely club-locked, out of their fucking minds, right? So, because they've got this pool in this venue that's like, it's ornamental. Like, it's not, it's really shallow.

It's just basically for people to kind of dangle their feet in if it's hot enough. You can't do a bomb into it. Well, this guy near us, he gives a crap. Sounds like you can. No belly whackers. This guy near us who's just clearly been on the bags all afternoon, he gets down to his undies and just hops in, just gets in the pool, gets out, then he's getting dressed again

and someone from the venues had to come talk to him. But they're like, they run off. Like, it's pretty busy. So it's not even like a full security guard. It's like the pimply-faced teen from The Simpsons coming to talk to him. And he goes, mate, what were you doing? You can't do that. You can't be getting in the pool.

And he's like, why not? Like, he's just blind yeah and he's like mate you know it's what made you think that that was okay what made you think that it was okay to just take your clothes off and hop in there you can't just be doing that and this guy just looks at him and goes but it's a pool yeah and then it's it's just, I just witnessed this, like, gridlock of, like, an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object. And everything about this guy's behavior before this interaction, I was like, I fucking hate this guy.

Because I'm there trying to have a nice drink with my girlfriend. It's like, this guy's being loud and obnoxious. And then that happens. I'm like, I'm on his side. Yeah, yeah. It's a pool. Yeah. It's one of those ones where it's like, you know, OJ Simpson gets off.

It's like, well, sorry, but with the evidence, I mean, we want to put him away. Yeah, absolutely. You sort of fucked up the... You've got to be pretty undies confident to just, you know, get down to the derps and jump in a pool. Oh, not only that, it's a pool in a bar that people are putting their gross feet in. Like, it's probably never been cleaned before. That man is dead now, I reckon. It's not chlorinated. But you're saying, oh, they're putting their gross feet in there. It's more like cleaned before that man is dead now I reckon it's not chlorinated

but you're saying oh they're putting their gross feed in there it's more like when people are putting their feed in there it's like you're putting your gross

dick in my pool I don't want to put my feed in there now you save it for the dick pool mate that's next door so what I learnt was get down

arborea float you can have a little dip they're sort of powerless to do anything about it if you just counter them with the defensive logic. Alright, we'd better wrap it up

for another week on the Dum Dum Club. It's all spun by... Any last facts for kids out there? What else did you have? Can anyone contribute to that site? We were about to get a fact. You segued off into that book you've been reading. Just favourite dinosaur. Will you give us that? book you've been reading, but just favourite dinosaur.

Will you give us that? Is it like Wikipedia? Can you just add something right now to that page? No, I mean, surely there's some. Suggest an edit. There we go. Yeah, of course. Maybe favourite flavour of Neapolitan ice cream.

I'll give you both. My favourite dinosaur would possibly be the brachiosaurus. Great answer. Not the brontosaurus. A bit of an alternative dinosaur thing.

And then what favourite ice cream? Neapolitan. Which bit are you going to first in the Neapolitan? Or which bit

are you savouring at the end? As I used to do, my favourite would be last. Chocolate. Chocolate's your favourite?

Yeah. Okay. Alright, there we go. We've got a scoop for the kids out there. I was going to ask them what the order is after that, but I don't want to put you down. Favourite contestant in the cannonball run?

Throw them that one. Captain Chaos, Dom DeLuise. Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin dressed as priests driving a red Ferrari, Tom. You know that, Tom. What was I thinking? It was amazing. I feel bad.

How many times have you been on this podcast? I think it's maybe 11 or 12 now. Something like that, maybe. Thanks for putting me with him. I appreciate it. Seriously, whoever had Glenn Robbins, Santo, Danny McGinley,

that's about enough. That's about it. Is that enough? Millsy? No. Millsy? Sorry, I was thinking of Sam Peterson's podcast. The Prince of Thailand? No, probably not. No? Nilsie. Sorry, I was thinking of Sam Peterson's podcast. Oh, right, right, right, right.

The Prince of Thailand? No, probably not. No? No. It's great. It's good to see you again. Good to see you, Sam. Tony, I'm sorry to be so rude. Why didn't you just start breakfast radio with him two hours ago?

Sorry to be so rude, Tony. Favourite dinosaur and favourite flavour of Neapolitan? Oh, look, the Stegosaurus, I think, is out in front. And favourite dinosaur? Here's one. Do you know when we really bonded? Do you remember the show I used to do called 80 B.C.? Yes.

So a friend of ours, Dave Thornton, was booked for, a friend of the show was booked on episode three. Right. Couldn't do it. Yep. Sancia Robinson, who used to book everything. Martin Malloy. Yeah, she said, and he pulled out last minute, Dave.

Right. Sancy got a favour from Tone, who came in on episode three and then proceeded, Tone loved it so much, he proceeded to do 14 out of the next 23 episodes. I was the Mikey Robbins of ADBC. Who did you buy? All of a sudden, Tommy Little was out of the next 23 episodes. I was the Mikey Robbins of 80 BC. Who did you buy? All of a sudden, Tommy Little was out of the game.

That's it. There was a bizarre mix of people. Matt Preston was in it one week, but 80 BC was shot. I don't even want to use the word studio. It was shot after 26. It was shot after 26. It was shot down in Packington Streets and killed it in what was,

it was like a mechanics workshop that was. Mate, they had to stop if it rained. Do you know what I mean? It wasn't even soundproof, Tommy. It wasn't even soundproof. They had to stop if a plane went overhead. Like, you'd be in the middle of a game show and the floor manager would go, plane, and the whole show would stop. Wow.

That's great. Live from Tullamarie. Here's a fun fact for the kids. I planned, plane, and the whole show would stop for two minutes. Wow, that's great. Live from Tullamarie. Here's a fun fact for the kids. I planned, so that was in 2009, and one of my goals in life is to do a reunion one-off episode. Like, you know, the show that no one watched the first time is back. And let's be clear, ADBC, it was a... It was a history-based comedy quiz show.

That's where a lot of the people, a lot of the traffic's driven to Sanpang Facts for Kids because we know kids love history. Yeah. That's what it was about, wasn't it? History. It was, I think, a very underrated show and it had elements people have forgotten,

like, for example, the barrel girl on the show was friendly from Puppetry of the Penis in, as he put, his only gig where he wears pants. Okay. He was really unnerved. He's going, gee, I'm not used to working with pants on, mate. I remember. I remember.

I remember because Frendy was in charge of the food. There'd be a food section, you know, like old food from the Middle Ages. He'd cook it and then have to taste it. Right. It was called plate du jour. That was it. And then I enjoyed Frendy's work a lot. I started kind of, you know, asking, going back and forth.

And I remember one of the producers. Hang on, hang on. He was in charge of food. Yeah, he would, you know, what do you got for us? Because he didn't used to make the hamburger out of his own dick. Yeah, yeah. That wasn't part of the food. No.

It wasn't part of the same show. There were no dick tricks in ADBC. I remember just starting to talk to him a bit too much. You know, like one of the professors, it was two comedians and two professors, you know what I mean? So sometimes the professor's a bit dry, I wouldn't get along with him. So I'd talk to Frendy a bit more.

And I remember during one of the breaks, the producer came over and said, hey, you've got to stop talking to Frendy, do you know what I mean? Like, don't get him too involved. Otherwise, you know, he'll get his confidence up and next thing you hey, you've got to stop talking to Frendy, don't get him too involved, otherwise he'll get his confidence up and next thing you know you'll look over there and he'll have his cock out. And you'll know he's happy too. But I was once in a bank, again, another bank-based story, and the guy behind the counter goes oh you're on that show

and I'm going is it thank god you're here is it the panel what's it going to be and he goes yeah no you're on that bloody show Bike Du Jour Bike Du Jour I was just completely baffled and I'm walking to my car and I've gone he's thinking of Platte Du Jour

the segment on ADBC how the fuck did he get to Bike du Jour what is Bike du Jour Bike of the Day what kind of show is that

this week Malvin Star next week we're out of ideas it really there you go there's an example of how much

cut through ADBC had the bloke people watching it didn't even know the name of the show, thought one of the segments on it was the title of the show, and then they got that segment wrong as well. Fuck me. All right, well, check out ADBC. It still shows up.

Is it on SBS On Demand? Is it on Disney Plus? They've chopped it up to five-minute segments, and it'll come on SBS 2 at like four in the morning yeah it's it refuses to die watch it on vice land when you're high off your tits in the middle of the night that's how i was when i shot it so that's good tripod did the theme song yeah there's a lot of talent involved there's a lot of facts it's absolutely not on this website in front of me right here.

There's going to be a big edit suggested straight after this show. Last time it was edited was six months ago. Can you click it? Does it say who did it? You know how you think that, you know, I'm like mortified of how much has been reviewed. I know you're sitting there thinking you've said nothing again. I'm mortified how much we spoke about me,

considering Tony Martin's sitting right there. Yeah, well, it's his turn next time. Whenever there's a Tony Martin Facts for Kids, well, we can help that out. Yeah. This is all for someone else's... This is for the kids. I gave away too much. This has been a stitch-up.

You've given away too much. You've given away nothing still. We've got... You like chocolate ice cream. I feel exposed. That's all we've fucking got. I feel exposed. He hasn't even said which better than Neapolitan anymore.

He managed to shift away from that pretty suddenly. We got your answers. I know you're trying to wrap up. Who have you got coming up next? I will. Might be in the right order. We don't know. Oh, okay, cool.

Former king of Thailand. Stegosaurus and what? I always go for the chocolate order. We don't know. Oh, okay, cool. Former king of dilated. Stegosaurus and what? I always go for the chocolate first. Is that controversial? I go chocolate, vanilla, strawberry. I'll say it. Yeah, right. There you go.

Tommy? Strawberry, chocolate, vanilla. There you go. Not the same as what my brother used to do, which was mix all of them together. Oh, disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. And then he would make them all melt and everything,

and he'd eat them together. And he called that concoction Mount Sloppy Bum. I love it. Sounds like something from the new Jackass film. Well, I think we'll all note, Pang's still uncommittal. Yeah. Well, I think we'll all note Pang's still uncommittal.

Yeah. I found out recently that Joe Cocker sang a song that was the closing credits to the Jeff Bridges Tommy Lee Jones movie, Blown Away. There you go. Wow. Do you know that? Can you put that on? Can we count facts that Sam Pang knows

as a Sam Pack fact for kids? Yeah. Wow. It is, isn't it? I've never seen Blown Away. Has Blown Away good? Not good? Not even committable on that.

We can't even put that on the side. I don't want people to know my thoughts on Blown Away. It's going to need to be a lot of therapy after this episode. No, it was no good. It was no good. Oh, great. Thank you. Thank you.

All right. Well, we look forward to having your sister tuning back in next week. Yeah. You'll be one down this week, Tommy, but for is all – for me, it's always a joy to be. Yeah. Oh, thank you for coming in, guys. And, yeah, Tony, you've got the Sizzletown podcast? Sizzletown is up and about.

And, yeah, watch out for the two policemen scam when they come to your house. That's all I'm saying. Yep. Sam Pang, you're on radio every morning. You're out there doing stand up all the time non-stop you're a real gig pig

loves it the um there's nothing to plug front bar I can mention front bar yeah the front bar have you been paying attention when you're back

both of you are on there you can certainly recommend Burt Reynolds audio book yeah it's one of the greats it's one of the greats and I'll because you two

need to know this I know you were you were worried about whether when you do like a weekly serial Because you two need to know this. I know you're worried about when you do a weekly serial, whether you're going to run out. The greatest thing about Burt Reynolds, my life, is that he wrote it. He wrote it in like 1989 or 1990, whatever. It was like a low point of his career.

So he writes this before Boogie Nights. It was during Cop and a Half. Yeah, yeah. He's at the end. He is at the end and so he thinks he's done. He's done, right.

Yeah, and so it's very, very liberating. He finishes with if I ever won an Academy Award this would be my speech. Right. And a year later

he's nominated for an Academy Award. Do you know what I mean? So the book is very like it's like really scorched earth where he's like I'm done.

I don't have to worry anymore and then he went on to have this you know part two or whatever like three chapters about how much of a cunt Dom DeLuise really is

you and I were talking off air about David Chang's cookbook Cooking at Home give that a plug I don't know what you're talking about there we go

the shutters have gone back down again alright guys thanks very much for joining us and we'll see you next time see you mates what you're talking about. There we go. The shutters have gone back down again. All right, guys. Thanks very much for joining us and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you. And they've done it again.

It's another ad. Let's play some more of that. No. Okay. No. This is Talking Dumb Dumb. This is true Talking Dumb Dumb. Bernie's kicked a big one.

The boys from the little Dumb Dumb Club really stepped on our toes this week. Getting in there and doing the ads that we normally do. Oh, is that who that was? Yeah, yeah. I'm so confused in this meta world we're in. I thought they might have been new people in there. No. They're the ad boys.

No. Oh, okay. I guess we didn't discuss that before we turned the mics on. Right. But hey, this is what Talking Dumb Dumb's for. Trying to figure out the Dumb Dumb universe. We dissect what people have just heard. Yeah. Draw the graphs. Do the mics on. Right. But hey, this is what Talking Dumb Dumbs is for. Trying to figure out the Dumb Dumb universe. We dissect what people have just heard.

Yeah. Draw the graphs, do the little linking, kind of get the bits of thread out to connect everything together. So we don't need to talk about the Our Live podcast

in Melbourne on the 2nd, on the 9th, on the 16th, on the 23rd. I mean, you know what to do with all that information.

Yeah. Maybe what we do need to mention is that we're going to Hobart. Yep. We're going there hobart yep we're going there on the 30th of april it's a saturday afternoon it's our little way of um look spreading a little sunshine to the people of tasmania but also giving other people an excuse to have a little holiday over there we know i went through the um the details the other day

tell me last time we went to hobart which was was four years, five years ago. It was not that long before the pandemic. Oh, wasn't it? End of 2019. Oh, was it? Okay. All right. So not too far. So I had a look at all of, there was about a third of the people that went to the show

were from Australia, not Tasmania. Okay. From the mainland. Oh, it went overseas. Yeah. My dad used to say that about Phillip Island. Oh, yeah. that's good. Just going overseas.

That's a good bit. It's like, fuck, I hate going here for this reason. I fucking hate it. There's enough bad reasons. Yeah. But, yeah, yeah. So a heap of people came in from the mainland to go and, you know, good idea. Why not?

That's exactly what my wife and child are doing. You know, good excuse. Big fans. To come over. Just an excuse to go down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just they'll be going doing something else maybe rather than watching our show.

But maybe not. Yeah. Like I said last week, they have, not they have a friend. My wife has a friend that's sort of slightly into the show. So they might all be there. Don't know if she's a friend of Blanket yet. Yes. Going to make the call down in Tasmania.

Well, you know that thing where your mates collide? You're like, oh, I hope this mate meets me. Yeah, I hope they get on. I hope they get along. Yeah. Yeah, I hope my wife's mate gets along with Blanket. What do you say when you describe to someone the experience of having been around a child, like a two-year-old or a three-year-old, and having had a version of a conversation?

Because I was talking to someone recently and being like, oh, I kept being like, oh, yeah, I saw this kid. And they're like, no, you met them. I'm like, I mean, meetings are strict. It's like it feels like I'm putting a bit too much weight on a conversation where from one party, barely any of what they were saying were actual words. It feels incorrect to call that a meeting. Yeah.

I was around a baby. Yeah. saying were actual words yeah it feels incorrect to call that a meeting yeah yeah and also i was around a baby yeah and also i feel like meeting would presume that they will definitely remember you next time as well right which i would call into question well i think there needs to be some sort of handshake or some sort of just like verbal and physical acknowledgement of one another it's like i've heard people say it about a newborn like oh i went around to meet such and such as kid it's like i mean you looked at it yeah you experienced it you were there you made the effort i don't know if there's a two-way transaction happening meeting meeting i think presumes that that the other side could say i met this person too when that's physically incapable no i mean what if hey what if that was their first memory?

You know, when they're like, what's the first thing you remember? Yeah. Having been like maybe a week out of the puss. Yeah, yeah. Just this parent's friend coming around. Yeah. Meeting them, being like, yeah, great.

It is weird. I've got little cousins-in-law that, not cousins-in-law, sorry, nephews and nieces-in-law that, not cousins-in-law, sorry, nephews and nieces-in-law where I don't see them that often. You see them every year or every couple of years

and every time, you know, it's a real generational change. You're meeting them at eight and then all of a sudden you're meeting them at 10 or 11 and they've radically changed.

Yeah. And they meet them at 14 and they've radically changed. So, you're sort made it up to 14, they've radically changed. So you're sort of, I feel like I'm always looking at them and going, hey, do you remember me in any way? Yeah. And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're this guy. And I'm like, okay, because I feel like I'm meeting a completely different person.

No, totally. But yeah, kids, I think, have like a stronger memory of like this older person hanging around. I had the same thing. My cousin's kids who, yeah, I remember all being born. And then the last time we had a big family thing, it's like little teenagers talking about Star Wars and shit. And it's like, fuck,

this is full on. Yeah. I don't know who any of these cunts are. Yes. I don't know any of their names. Yeah. And they're like, oh yeah,

still do comedy. I'm like, oh boy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They've just changed their attitude. You've still got the information about them, but they've got, and they've got the information about you, but they've got a different slant on it because now they're 14 instead of 8. Yeah, yeah. Like, okay, yeah, all right. I feel like they're like little Doctor Whos or something,

regenerating. I wonder what's the age where, like, because at a certain age it's just like anyone older than you that's not your parents' age. Anyone who's like 10 to 15 years older than you or whatever is just cool yeah by default because they're an adult right but then what's the age where it's like yeah i think this 35 year old might be a fucking loser like at what age do you can you start to really put that together yeah well at least a figure a figure of authority at the very

least yeah where you go oh that's an adult not so much cool it's like i better do what they say i think when you're in i think when you're still at school, anyone who's just out of school, like in their 20s or 30s, is automatically cool. Yeah. Because they're not going to school anymore. And as you're getting towards the end of school, you're like, you know what would be fucking awesome?

Not being here anymore. So anyone who's doing it, even if they're a fucking deadbeat living on a couch, it's like, man, he's living the dream. He's not doing maths at 7am every day. Well, one nephew-in-law the other day went, apparently rocked up to a family do, saw my car in the driveway and went,

whose car is that? Oh, that's Uncle Carl's. Oh my God, that's so cool. Of course, with the license plate that says comedy. That says got him. Got him, sorry, yes. I always get it mixed up. Yeah.

Because we don't say that on the show anymore. Yeah, I know. So it's like it now. Honestly, if we were doing it now, that would be the joke. Yeah. The license plates that say comedy. Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

If we could have our time again. Yeah. But it says got him, which we haven't said for about five years. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. This car's hack. Yeah. You may as well be driving around with license plates that say airline food no eat my shorts that's all i should say

just uh i carumba yep doll yeah no dough is still a thing i carumba and eat my shorts yeah they phased that out yeah very quickly so um no he's like oh that's cool and uh then then the parents were like do you want to sell your car because that would be you know and i'm like oh that's cool it's quite a nice compliment that this this kid would like your that's a cool car as his first car well that's the thing it's like oh you know because we could just have some piece of shit that he can drive around with the start with yeah you know and i'm like okay well i did take it as a compliment to start with yeah no it's never a compliment's like, well, if he fucking writes this off, you know, backing out of the driveway, who gives a fuck?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, because that's my car. Your car's breaking down so much that they figure they could use this to teach him how to fix it and do mechanical things to cars so that he doesn't end up like his Uncle Carl. He's really into, like, jackass at the moment. He just wants to really total a car. And we looked at yours and went, we'd be doing you a favor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.'s really into like jackass at the moment he just wants to really total a car and we looked at yours and went we'd be doing you a favor yeah yeah yeah is he genuinely into jackass no i mean well you'd have to assume you'd assume how old is he i think 16 15 16 you'd have to

assume if he's not yeah what's what's what are the parents what's the angle less time focusing on the car yeah more time focusing on we man and. Yeah. What's his angle if he's not into it? Yeah. Is he above it? That's because, I mean, I think my cousin's kids are at that age now where it's like, I could really earn some cred by turning up to a family gathering, swag of jackass DVDs. Maybe, you know, maybe a couple of things that are, you know, a year or two off being age appropriate. Yeah.

And just be like, come on, on kids into the tv room i'm going to show you some shit oh and they all go home going like whoa cousin tommy is fucking cool then he showed us a porno but then but then you go see that you like that you see that cunt sticking his head up a cow's ass or whatever how cool and then going and then going on a motorbike and jumping off a fucking bridge he He was on my podcast. Oh, yeah. Bring up the picture. Steve-O.

Yeah, I saw his balls. Yeah. Pulled his balls out at a radio station. Yep. Got the shits up when I turned up late. Yep. Yeah, what a diva. That was my stunt.

That was a strange, yeah, that is a very strange memory, being berated by Steve-O because someone else isn't there. I'm like, I'm here though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why am I copying and flogging? Yeah. I've turned up on time. Yeah. Anyway, we have our shows, as we mentioned, the second.

It's this Saturday, the big 500 and 600th episode. If you've got your tickets stuck to the fridge, don't forget them. Yep. Come on down. Yep. 2.30 p.m. Yep. And then, of course, 9, 16, 23 fridge. Don't forget them. Yep. Come on down. Yep. 2.30 p.m. Yep. And then, of course, 9-16-23.

Tasmania, April 30. Yep. Dude, go and see the little apple aisle. If you came last time and you had a ball, come back. If you didn't, if you missed out, if you've never been to Tasmania before. Yeah. Beautiful down there. This is a great excuse to go and do it.

I'm hoping I'm going to get the spirit down there. Are you really? Take my car. Well, I'm still waiting to find out if my girlfriend can come with. And if she can, then I think that's what I'll do. And if not,

I imagine it's one of the saddest and loneliest things you can do is to be on the Spirit of Tasmania by yourself, sleeping on a boat overnight alone. I'm currently doing the deal that is quite a common deal with my wife where where she goes oh i'm gonna i want to come down i want to come down i'm gonna we're gonna bring blanket down and we'll come down we'll all go down to tasmania okay so we better organize this and

she and this is this is a very typical deal of hers no worries you get the flights and i'll get the hotel okay so i get the three return flights to hobart and you get one night in a hotel. Is that an equal trade-off? Well, I mean, the flights to Tasmania are pretty cheap. Are they? Well, aren't they? No. Oh, okay.

Not particularly. Okay. Well, then. Well, they're regular. Yeah, okay. It's not like going to Adelaide. Sure. But then the flip side is, doesn't your wife have quite bougie tastes and wants the

most nicest hotels you can get yeah so it probably does when you factor that in it probably does work out as pretty even yeah well either booking you in at a hostel yeah but i guess my argument would be let's not book in the most expensive hotel in the world where we're going to where i personally i'm going to go down there do a podcast probably get pissed passed out in the world where we're going to, where I personally, I'm going to go down there, do a podcast, probably get pissed, passed out in the hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get up first thing in the morning

and fly back. You need to, you guys need to get a beam set up going on. A what? Just split everything down the middle. What's a beam?

Beam's like an app for splitting bills and paying people back and stuff. Okay. It's like instead of having to put details in, you've just got like

a little user. So you can get on there and go, hey, I got this bill. having to put details in, you've just got like a little user. So you can get on there and go, hey, I got this bill. The bill's $80. And then you just like send it off to your partner and then it like splits it all. It's like, it's good if you're going out for dinner

with a group of like six of you and the bill comes to whatever. You just put the total amount in. Right. You add everyone in. Like you get like a little username. It's like your bank, but you get an at Carl Chandler.

Oh, okay. It's handy. It's a nice little ad for whatever the fuck that is then. Yeah. Shout out to a little username. It's like your bank, but you get an at Carl Chandler. Oh, okay. It's handy. That's a nice little ad for whatever the fuck that is then. Yeah, shout out to a financial institution. They need more runs on the board. Well, we did an ad for Hughesy, so why not? Yeah, that's true. Well, hey, how about an ad for the little guy?

My show, Turtle Island, it's opening tonight, if you are listening to this hot off the presses. It's on in Melbourne until April the 10th, 7pm at the Cooper's Inn. Some night's filling up, so get in. I've worked my little fucking ring off on this show. It's a story about me and my family being held hostage in Fiji, and it's got videos and shit in it. It's got my little drawings in it.

Really feeling pretty pumped up to do it, so fucking get in. Get a ticket from TommyDashalot.com. You're being held up in a Fiji, what is it, resort? Hostel. Hostel, I don't know. Yeah. Resort. So in the last 12 years,

you haven't thought to bring it up on this fucking show? I've been saving it for the 2022 Comedy Festival post-pandemic. Saving it for fucking 12 people a night rather than 50,000 people to listen to this. Hey, you get it. Oh, 50, that'd be nice. Hey, no, you get it after I've done it, the run of the festivals, And I've tightened it all up

Okay I'm going to tape my special on this podcast Alright, alright, alright Okay, go to that Go to all of our bullshit And now let's crack into you Instead of focusing on us You guys

The most important people The people that make this bullshit happen Thank you very much to everyone Who subscribes to patreon.com Slash little dum-dum club Everyone who's happen. Thank you very much to everyone who subscribes to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Everyone who's done that, thank you. The people who've continued to subscribe, we thank the most. Not in oral form, but in spiritual form.

Because we need to thank, in oral form, the newbies. This is sort of like flushing their head down the toilet first day in high school. I guess. This is everyone's initiation. These are some brand new people who've just subscribed. Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm trying to say, yeah. Okay.

And by brand new, I mean probably for a while, but haven't had their name out. Okay. Read out. So let's crack into that. Right. So new in terms of it's the first time they've been read out because there are some people who we've accidentally done three times. And I nearly did that again this week, but I think we haven't done that.

I think I'm pretty sure. Actually, let's just do another check while we're at it. Let's just do one more check. And ding, ding. I think we're all good. Great. You'd think I'd do that every week. So thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

First cab off the rankle, you know what. So, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. First cab off the rankle, you know what. Now look, I do my best to have the first name and the last name. Some people like to subscribe and not have their full name in there. I've done my very best every week to make sure I find out what their last name is. This person, I could not find out their last name. But, look, they could very well be like aonna type because they do have quite a unusual first name um and maybe they just didn't bother with the last name

thank you very much to patreon subscriber comedy don't read ahead i felt like i just had fallen into a wormhole of time and like, wow, has it been? No. Are we about to wrap this up? Thank you very much. To Patreon subscriber, Saphira. Saphira?

Yeah. Okay. And then that's it. So S-A-P-P-H-I-R-A. Now, I'm only saying this because of the fact that it's just that name and then the fact that that's the only name. This is our first stripper Patreon subscriber. Right, right, yeah. Is it?

All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage at patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, Saphira. Yes, very nice, very nice. And so this is our lap dance. Yeah. Except, no, we have to give her a lap dance because she's paying us. Yeah, we're giving her a lap dance and she's like,

I can take you away from all this. So what do you do during the day? Are you a teacher or something? Or what else do you do? Yeah, this is like some glamorous, glammed-up stripper. Yeah. And she's paid us money, and we're just in our civvies going, okay, well, you just sit there on the chair,

and we'll just sort of, I don't know, fucking grind up against you or some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what this is right now. One of my most pathetic memories, one of the few times I've been at a strip club. This week? Yes.

Yes. There was a lady there and I was wearing a Run the Jewels jumper, like their little logo thing that's very dynamic. You know, it's like if you know it, you know what it is. Yep. And she commented on that. She was like, oh, I love Run the Jewels. Oh.

And I was like really drunk. In my head i was like i'm on here i was single at the time i was like this is this is a story that ends with me oh great married to a stripper great like genuinely the dream like i've always made fun of that mentality because it is so funny they're like oh you know take you away from all this but i i that is that is a moment that i have genuinely had in my head for a brief moment great it's like oh i like the same music as this stripper yeah great we're on that's great you you could have been a um suitcase pimp i guess i wouldn't really want to get involved it wouldn't be my place yeah what's a suitcase pimp well i think that's sort of like the term of um uh like people that go out with like porn stars and stuff where they come in like the similar sort of thing where they come in and go oh right you

know what was all the dream and then you get in and you get in the relationship and then go oh this is a dream apart from the fact that you have to go out and root other people now. So now, can you not do that or whatever? So give them a lot of grief for that. But also, whilst living on the dime of the porn star or the stripper or whatever. I see, right. It's like they're making a good living and you're just sitting there going, yeah, no worries, you can pay the bills, you can do this. It's always living off the back of their work.

Then you also sort of slightly don't want them to do either yeah yeah yeah okay um but that that does remind me given um that that world of things that we you know uh you saying that's our first stripper uh listener which you know might not be true in any way um probably not well it actually isn't because um we occasionally get hit up by a stripper maybe slash sex worker okay um who has um uh has told us little bits of in pieces over the years over the last couple years okay i'm just going in on the messaging right now. Who is talking about a suitcase pimp in some of the correspondence? Okay. All right.

But one of the last messages that she sent was literally this. Lol. You owe me $100 last time. No. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. But just I didn't do that because I would pay up my debts. Yeah, exactly. Pay up front.

Yeah. Cash. You know message. Pay up front. Yeah. Cash. You know me. Yep. In a nice little handshake rolled up. Yep. Message.

Lol. Just heard some touring escort friends slagging off Adelaide for being terrible at pre-booking. Wow. So there you go. Okay. Interesting. It's not just comedy. Interesting. It's everything.

Adelaide. Buddy, be ashamed of yourself. It's everything. Adelaide. Buddy, be ashamed of yourself. That's it. Because I thought with that escort stuff, isn't it like you're booking the trip based on having the interest? So it's like, I'm going to go over for a weekend. Yes. Hey, book me in now. It's pretty funny to just still turn up, be in the hotel room in Adelaide and be like, why aren't the people turning up to root me?

I'm not getting on the plane unless I've got the bookings. It's different to comedy in that way. It's like you aren't the people turning up to root me yes like yeah i'm not getting on the plane unless i've got the bookings yeah it's different to comedy in that way it's like you've got the shows on sale you have to turn up and hope for the best that is funny like landing landing on your your 45 minute flight or whatever getting to adelaide and still having to refresh your try booking going yeah oh finally the suck jobs are coming yeah all right i'll email rush ticks you can have a few two for ones in, it's not discounted prices. You can just, two of you could go me. No, you bring a mate, yeah.

All right. Thanks, Safira. Safira, that's you. That's you. That's all of you. No, that is a very pretty name. But, you know, that's what happened. Pretty names originally, you know, 50, 60, 70 years ago,

there were a bunch of very very lovely sounding names that all of a sudden um a bunch of people in that industry went they're so lovely we're going to use them now and turn them into being known money making venture yeah well i mean it's more it's like the pretty name without the surname that if it was sophira johnson or whatever i doubt i would have my brain would have gone there. It's that kind of name just in isolation is what makes me think of the sex industry. Yeah. I do also like the idea that someone is signing up for this with that sort of name because just like the stripping industry, you don't really want to have your real name out there in case it goes back to your parents find out or whatever.

And in the same way, you don't want your parents finding out you're sponsoring this show. Yeah. Fair enough. Cast you out. Yeah. Thank you very much,

Saphira. Thank you very much to second cab off the rank just behind the first cab that awesome second cab where you're not in the front line but the second one

comes along great. There's the drunk fuckhead up the front, jumps in that one. There's another one coming behind. This is you. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Amy Hespe. Hespe.

H-E-S-P-E. Hespe. Hespe. It can't be Hesp. Hespe. Hespe. There's no little accent. It could just be Hesp.

No, it can't be. I doubt it, but it could be. It'd be dumb if it was. Sorry. Hey, there's dumb things out there. Amy Hespe. I doubt it, but it could be. It'd be dumb if it was. Sorry. Hey, there's dumb things out there. Amy Hespi. I like the name Amy. So do I.

Absolutely right into it. In fact, I'll put it up there. If I'd have thought of it at the time when my child was being born, I would have put it up there to absolutely get smacked back down. You reckon? There's no way it would have gone ahead, but I would have put it up there to absolutely get smacked back down. You reckon? There's no way it would have gone ahead, but I would have pitched it. You don't reckon DSHN would have been into it? Absolutely not.

Wow. She had one name in her head, and that was Blanket. Okay, all right. Well, yeah. I thought that was a comment on her not liking Amy, but it was more about... No, no, no, no. She just locked and loaded on another name. No, she was very focused.

Okay. Very focused. Amy Chandler. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Well, again, I just love the idea that someone can somehow narrow down the name of your child by all the times you've said, oh, this was nearly in the running, but not quite. There would be some psycho out there who's just got this big poster, takes up a wall.

It's every name in human existence. They're just like, yes! Steve Buscemi crosses out Amy, puts the lipstick on his mouth. That's it. Yeah. Every time they hear, and they can tell, like, when you're starting to say it, they can tell from the tone in your voice before you've even said it. They're like, yes, another one to cross off the list.

Yeah, absolutely. It's like sometimes they have on the radio where they have everyone, like on breakfast radio, they have everyone ring up to go, oh, we've got this. We've got the, you've got to crack the code. Is it 3896? And it goes crack, crack, crack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're trying to do the pin number to open the big vault. Yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck, I remember that. Bumfuck FM. That's such a good, like, hey, this will get people interested. Yeah. People calling up and guessing numbers in a row. Hey, believe me. At least the secret sound, there's like theatre to it.

Believe me, it's back. I've been listening to it in the morning, driving to daycare. So it literally is like you have to guess this four number sequence. And do they tell you, is it like Wordle where it's like you've got this number in the wrong spot? I don't know. I'm not that into it. I just hear it happening and I'm like, cool, people guessing numbers or whatever. Who gives a fuck?

Do they still do the secret sound on any of the big radio stations in Melbourne? I think so. Because that's a fucking classic. Yeah. I think Cody's show might have brought it back for a little while or something. Really? Because there was some... We should text him now and ask him.

Yeah. I think they brought something like that back because I'm pretty sure they were doing a big promo because I flick around the channels in the morning. If I have to drive my child to somewhere in the morning, I'll have a bit of a listen of Friends of the Show because there's Friends of the Show all around the dial. Yep. A bit of Marty Sheargold, a bit of Cody in Melbourne, that sort of thing, a bit of a listen of Friends of the Show, because there's Friends of the Show all around the dial. Yep, yep. A bit of Marty Sheargold, a bit of Cody in Melbourne, that sort of thing, a bit of Sam Pang.

It's funny to think back to when I would go to school, when I would get a lift to school in the mornings. I would listen to Tracy Bartram and Matt Tilley or Tim Smith and Bettors and just thought like, wow, these guys are cool. They're on the radio. It's like funny thinking like the other comedians of the era being like, fucking this person getting a radio gig.

Not the way like that about our friends, but thinking that there were other comedians out there at the time being like, whoa, did you hear these guys got a radio gig? That's so fucking cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I think it is. Well, you know, maybe we should bring it back here. Maybe we should have a secret sound in Talking Dumb Dumb every week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not bad. But how do we filter people calling up? We just have to like take guesses during the week. Oh, we do it on social media, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

Maybe we should look into that. It must be... We'll do it on stage next week at the Athenaeum. Okay, yeah. Take a mic backstage, find something, and make it make a sound, and the audience have to guess. And what if they do that,

and they have to ring me on stage? Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's not bad. That must have been a stressful job, the person whose job it is to find and make the secret sound and do all that. Yeah. Because it's like you've got to find something,

like your life just being like what's got to sound like something but it also can't be like a toilet flush because people are going to know that immediately. Did Limo tell that story on our podcast the last time he was on or any of the times he was on? He's got a great story about that someone chose this secret sound and it was built up to go for a month and a half and it was a trip to new york and the first day someone rang up and went is it a banana being peeled and

they go yes it is that does yeah maybe i have heard that yeah yeah that is good completely fucked this massive prize like it was some sort of 20 grams worth of gift and it got blown one day in yeah like a half hour into the promotion yeah you want that it's finding that sound that's like it could be a marble being dropped on the ground or it could be a can being opened yeah fucking real skill is it someone in it like you know skywalker ranch or whatever that's in the sound department just experimenting with fucking laser beams and jean zips or whatever. Yeah, there'd be some poor cunt in there fresh out of a uni degree where they've studied audio production. Thinking like, oh, maybe I'll get to be the studio tech for, you know, Megadeth or someone. And then it's like they're just being caned, being like like you need to make it sound less obviously like a fridge door closing yeah yeah do you think maybe

that's one of the you know when when you see the hairdressers that like um you know come and get hairdress haircuts for 10 bucks because they're student hairdressers they have that certain setup maybe that's the audio guy equivalent. First year work experience, it's secret sounds. You're on secret sounds. Secret sounds, though, that's real baptism by fire. That's you being thrown in the deep end. If you've studied audio engineering, thinking like, well, the easy job at the radio station would be just recording the podcasts that they put out. Or like taking the audio of the day show and chopping it up.

And then you're like fresh out of uni and you're being thrown in the deep audio of the day show and chopping it up and then you're like fresh out of union you're being thrown in the deep end of the fucking secret sound you're like i'm not up to it you'd have to say some 50 year old audio engineer isn't working on the secret they're not doing it yeah they can't be fucked yeah yeah so i think you've got to be a little bit fresher than the the hard-bitten the idea that the idea that it's like the most desirable job you're like day one of this degree. So what's the dream? What would you like to do with this experience?

Make the secret sound. It's coming back in a big way. They're going to start doing it on podcasts and I want to be there on the front lines. Yeah, yeah. It's like, well, I just don't see a 50-year-old going, I made all the leaves crunch underneath Glenn Robbins' foot in the movie Lantana.

I'm not coming back to hear a fucking tomato getting squashed. That's a good, that is a good secret sound. Is it the leaves being squashed under Glenn Robbins' foot in Lantana? Is Glenn Robbins in Lantana? Yes. Is he really? Yeah. I didn't know that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's his big serious, serious role. Okay, interesting. Yeah. Very, that's why, it's obviously serious role. Okay, interesting. Yeah. It's obviously stuck in my mind. I haven't even watched the movie and I know that. Yeah, okay, interesting.

I don't think I've seen the film. I studied the play that it was based on. Okay. But yeah, I never saw the film. Well, you need to study Glenn Robbins' part. I just finished last night Bob Odenkirk's memoir. Oh, yeah. And just bringing him up now. Glenn Robbins could be our Bob Odenkirk's memoir. Oh, yeah. And just bringing him up now. Glenn Robbins could be our Bob Odenkirk.

Oh, yeah. If he just made a hard pivot now into, like, full drama. Better call Kel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him in on... If he just did a turn where he was doing, like... Fuck, what's it called? What's that Australian series?

Brooke Shields is in it. No idea. And fucking... The Mr. No One? that Australian series, Brooke Shields is in it. No idea. And fucking the Mr. No One. Mr. You like it. Oh, Mr. What's it called?

Mr. Nobody or Mr. Fuck, what is it called? I want to say Mr. Accident. That's Yahoo Serious. What is it called? That's a great show. What's it called? I can't remember.

Mr. Mr. Mr. Inbetween? Mr. Inbetween. Is that it? Yeah, that's it called? I can't remember. Mr. Mr. Mr. In Between? Mr. In Between. Is that it? Yeah, that's it, isn't it?

Yeah, okay. Yeah, that. Him doing a series like that. Yeah. Him going full dark would be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Mr. In Between.

There you go. There you go. Scott Ryan. What a great show that was. Yeah. Great final. Great final scene. I still haven't caught up.

You haven't watched it? I'm only like halfway. I started watching it in lockdown with my girlfriend and she was liking it but she was a bit like this i can't handle how fucking bleak this is in lockdown and i was like you know everyone has like different approaches to it like i do know some people who were like i just need to watch happy shit while this is going on i was like man the bleak stuff's the only shit that's making me feel alive anything too happy i'm like you're fucking kidding yourself. Just lean in.

Just bask in it. Watch someone get murdered. My wife is, look, same idea that your partner has, but I got her hooked on it too early where she's like, oh, I'm in now. I'm not enjoying it, but I'm in. I have to keep watching it. So, yeah, that was a good one for us to watch but um no great great final great final scene uh one of those ones where when you wrap

it up you go you know some people fuck it some people watch it oh yeah i think they got this very right i okay i walked i walked out having watched it in bed walked out and tried to google everything i could about it for the next half okay yeah. Okay, yeah, I love a bit of that. Yeah. But, thanks, Amy. Thanks, Amy. Thanks, Amy Hespi. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Locky Coxon. Oh, yeah.

C-O-X-O-N. Coxon, your chin. Locky. Yep. Locking in. Yep. Locking into a bit of cock. Locky likey Coxon. Mm-hmm. Yep. Locking in. Yep. Locking into a bit of cock. Lucky, likey, cocks on.

Mm-hmm. COXON, what's cocks on? What have we got in the schoolyard, Tommy? More like cocks in. Cocks in, that's good. More like cocks up in. Yep. Yep.

Cocks. Cocks in, locky. Getting roll call. It's really like... Cocks on. It's thaty getting roll you know roll call it's really like cocks on that classic thing well roll call cock you know you do the surname first cocks on locky yeah there we go 15 boys get up and say if you insist i reckon um zip i reckon the teachers are like they're you know they're probably like making an exception for him that's happened like two days in a row and then they're like look we're gonna have to we going to have to break with the formality of how we normally do the role. And read it the other way around.

Because this is just, it's 15 minutes every time we get to his name. It's eating into the day. Lucky Coxon. Right. Do you think you ever copped that one? Do you know the famous clip of Sandy Roberts, sports reporter? I think introducing maybe Miss Victoria or something one year. And just going, anyway, here she is, Sherelle Cox.

It's like it's Sherelle Dix, actually. That's great. Is there anything funnier, genuinely, than news bloopers? Well, give me an example. funnier genuinely than news bloopers? Well, give me an example. That one where it's like the person going, and not only has he climbed Mount Everest by himself, but also he's gay. Sorry, blind.

That's what I was wanting you to read out. Nothing, honestly, nothing better. Like not even being ironic, like nothing that anyone can write or script or plan is half as funny as that. And in many ways it makes you think, why bother? Comedy Festival starts today. Why the fuck are we wasting our time?

Why isn't my show just an hour of me playing that clip on a loop? That would be great. That's a great idea for a festival show, a one-hour dissection of one YouTube video that you find funny. A thesis about it. Could that have happened at Roll Call? Do you think that sort of, not spoonerism, but something like that's happened where it's like,

where they've gone, Lockie, big slobbering schlong on. Oh, fuck, I mean cocks on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That could easily happen I think in primary school Yeah It's funny Because it's like

Like we talk about a lot You know A name like that Yeah his mates Bullying him And you know When you're a kid You kind of think like

You know God guys are just savage Guys just fucking Roast each other Non-stop Yeah Girls are so nice you know girls are chill and then hearing the way that girls talk about the kind of deep psychological abuse that happens

when they get to a certain age and start pulling each other right it sounds a million times worse right than just because guys it's just it's all there just lay it out on the table your name sounds like cocks yeah here you go yeah but but girls you suck them but yeah teenage girls it's just it's all there it's just lay it out on the table your name sounds like cocks yeah here you go yeah but but girls you suck them but yeah teenage girls it's like deep getting into the brain it's like it'd be the opposite it's like i'm never gonna say it out loud yeah i'm just gonna say it to a whole bunch of other people and i'm gonna dance around it and allude to it and it's like that's the shit that stays with you forever right just being called cocks on is like oh yeah whatever oh that makes sense that's why that so that's why all chicks are so fucking mental yeah it's 1994 have you seen people getting all worked up about this jeff foxworthy special on netflix

like netflix keep sharing you know their little graphics of it yeah and people are going bonkers and it's like yeah there's probably heaps of shit that you don't like on netflix like who cares that they've put up this old cunt special yeah pretty surprising when you're going on a jeff jeff foxworthy special yeah mind not the most wokest comedy of all time what do you do why is netflix putting up this it's like net because their strategy is to just have fucking everything on there. Yeah. And also a bit like, I love the idea of like a bunch of like 10 year olds watching Jeff Foxworthy and that radicalizing them and going, yeah, we're going to be old cunts now.

I kind of love it. I love the fact that it's called the good old days. It's such a funny, like, cause that's the other thing about people getting, it's like, yeah, you know, whatever. He's just leaning in. He's got his, there's, you know, your parents would have Netflix in the States. They're wrapped to see it.

Who gives a fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not everything needs to be fucking Bridgerton and Nanette. You know, you got to have something for the fucking boomers on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't care. But cocks on.

Yeah, it's good. I reckon... How old do you reckon he was when he first copped it? Is there sort of like a... What do you call it? What's the term where you're not allowed to... You're not allowed to do it until a certain date. Oh, an embargo.

Embargo. Embargo. Yeah, that's great. Everyone on day one of prep signing a non-disclosure agreement about his name. Yeah. And then this is up on the first day of grade five. Yeah.

No, it's not because we've had people with last names where it's been like very much something that you wouldn't have learnt about and thus understood was funny until maybe grade 6 or 7, maybe when you did sex ed or whatever. But Cox is like, I reckon that's pretty early. Grade 2? Yeah, maybe. Grade 3?

Grade 2. Do you know, it's funny, this job of reading up people's names and whatever and trying to find fun in it and whatever. You know that like, because I do the door, I do the door at Basement Comedy Club Friday, Saturday nights. And the nepotism going on there. What I do there is get their names, get people's names. So I don't do a QR code, I don't do whatever it is. I just print out all the tickets.

You don't believe in the QR codes? No. I don't believe in anything involved in it. So when people walk in, they have their tickets and they hold them up. It's so much quicker. I just go,

you don't need to pull anything out because no one's got any of their shit ready anyway. Yeah, and plus every now and then people come in with like, they'll have their printout of their ticket and then you just, when you do take it, you get to the end and it's like, I just got this fucking pile of paper. Yes.

That's just going in the bin. Yes. What am I doing with this? And they come in and they go, and some people, there's always a fucking story behind it as well. It's like, oh, the hotel wouldn't let me print out this thing. Right. So like, I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I just need your name.

And they go, no, but the hotel said, yeah, cool, cool, cool. I just need your name and they go no but the hotel said yeah cool cool cool I just need your name just say your name out so it's like look any way of dealing with the public is hard but

this is the quickest way I've found so I just say just your surname I just need your surname of course then that turns into Graham

oh is that your surname no then why did you tell me it is a surname though it is a surname it's not your surname was this Felicity Shag? No

Fuck what's her name? Anyway Heather Graham Yes yes Oh the dream would be She turned up to my comedy show But no So then people Well I had this last weekend

Just your surname please And the surname's Cox Do you think they said that though? No What they do is Spell it C-O-X? Yep.

Nice. I know what you're doing here. Nice. Yeah. Fair enough. Well, it's your life. Yeah. You've had decades of it.

Yep. Yep. You've got to work out your little systems. I do like the idea of them coming in and going, we better do this, just in case the guy on the door goes, Cox, as in cocksucker. Well, they're walking into a comedy show. It's like most people when they go to a gig,

you know, when you're trying to fill the room up, you're like, can you fill up from the front, please? Come on, don't fuck around. They're like, no, we don't want to get heck. You know, some people think that it's like every comedy show is just a full-on assault. And these people probably thinking like, yeah, once my foot touches that soil,

I'm fucking on. Yeah, I've touched the doorknob. Yep. That's enough. You've already touched the doorknob yep that's enough you've already touched the knob it's game over there we go yep

be surprised if it didn't come out of it straight away you're gay speaking of boomer approaches to tickets actually let's wrap up this name and then

I'll bleed this story into the next one alright alright thanks Locky Coxon thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Beck Ray Beck Ray

okay Ray Ray of Sunshine my parents were a Ray of Sunshine Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Beck Ray. Beck Ray. Okay. Ray of Sunshine. My parents are a Ray of Sunshine in my life every day. There we go. So they have had tickets to the upcoming 500th episode. Oh, that must be nice. Since cocky was an egg, as my dad would say. Oh, I never heard that one.

Yep. They had tickets from back you know when they first went on sale two years ago and then the maybe one of the one of the last two

most recent ones that we came a week away from doing right they were just not comfortable being you know being out in a crowd because they're older

and whatever they'd finally listened to the show exactly not comfortable coming they were like look you know we just don't maybe it was the one in January Not comfortable coming. They were like, look, you know, we just don't. Maybe it was the one in January where it was like cases were soaring and everything. They were like, we just, you know, we just don't feel comfortable.

Hope that's okay. But, you know, I was like, oh, I could maybe, I can put your tickets in our Facebook group and try and like flog them for you if you want the motivation. She's like, oh, I'm just happy for anyone to have them, whatever. And so I'm like, just send them to me, send me the email, and then, you know, I'll be be able to pass them on to someone. And the email that I got was a photo of the printed out versions

of the tickets that they have had just sitting in a drawer from when they first bought them to you. So the paper's all crinkled and fucked. I think they had some water damage in the study, so it's like our faces are all melted and dripping. And it's like a photo of that, and it's like, Dad, I know that it's a different generation, but you have to know deep down that this isn't something

that anyone could use to get into a gig. A photo of this. You have to know that. And he's like, oh, why not? It's all still there. I'm like, just let's walk back from this. I'm going, here's a photo of the tickets. Why would anywhere let anyone in with just that?

My God. So are they coming now? Are they back on? They, I think I spoke about this the other week. If there's any of those holds that are like on an aisle, they don't want to be like in the thick of it. That's what they're worried about. If they can have a seat that's kind of like off to the side,

they'll come and their tickets are up for grabs, I guess. But at a certain point, they're just like, oh yeah, could you sort this all out? Can we just exchange these tickets that we have for, can you find out if there's ones off to the side? I'm like, I can do my best, this is seeming like yeah just one extra thing yes this is a lot of moving parts yes yeah not all we need this week yeah yeah exactly if um if anyone's got my number out there don't send me any fucking shit this week and give me tasks to do none of this you know this is like

um i think i think this is like our cup final right yeah so this is what apparently what you know big footballers get you know week of the grand final week of the cup final no sex the night before to keep yourself focused all that stuff but yeah a lot of can you just organize some tickets for me it's like cunt yeah this is the this is the biggest week of my life yeah you fucking sort them out yourself can you uh can you process my refund an hour before the gig? Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people, we had quite a few people hitting us up about this going,

oh, I just need this change or that change. Boys, girls out there, for the final time, we got nothing to do with the ticketing of this gig. Okay? Let's pretend we've got nothing to do with the ticketing of any gig, so you never hit us up. Yes. Definitely this week we have got nothing to do with it.

But please, if you have any issues, please hit up Ticketek. Please hit up the Athenaeum Theatre. Do whatever you can. Work it out with other listeners in the People Aware of Little Dum Dum Club group on Facebook. Whatever you can. Please do it by yourself because we do not have the fucking brain capacity this week. We have the show itself. You're running a venue.

I've got my solo show opening. Any email that comes through that is to do with ticketing will be left unreplied to. Know that right now. So go for your life. Send the email if you want. You are getting nothing back from it. And I don't think that's unreasonable to say.

I don't think that's unreasonable to say i don't think that's unfair no um it wouldn't have been an unfair thing to say six months ago let alone now but um but please we would love all of you to turn up people that uh i feel so weird with it being two years ago that we're not only saying hey buy a ticket which of which they're fuck all but just turn up yeah yeah It feels like a second sales pitch. We're pitching to people who already have tickets. Turn up. Yeah. That'd be great because it is going to be a very... I'm looking at the list of people who are going to be on now and it is very exciting.

We've gone a bit overboard with how good it's going to be, I believe. We've booked two people. In advance, which is good for us. Yeah, yeah. We're a few days out as we're recording this. Yeah. But sorry, say that name again. Beck Ray.

Beck Ray. I like this name. It is, yeah, it's a little cartoon character, I think. Yeah. It's, you know, you get dumped by Beck Ray and it's Beck X-Ray. You know? Oh, that's pretty good. There's something there. Is that a pun? I guess so. Yeah. It's getting close to it.Ray. Ooh. There's something there. That's pretty good. There's something there.

Is that a pun? I guess so. Yeah. It's getting close to it. Unfortunately. Yeah. It's pun adjacent. Yeah.

Something. It mightn't even be good enough to be a pun. Wow. Even the pun won't claim it. Yep. It's like Hitler being like, it's not one of ours. Yeah, yeah. It's a fucking psycho.

Yes. Ray is a great last name. It is really good. Yeah. Yeah. Xavier Ray must be very tempting to give the name of a son. Just so you can be X-Ray. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That must be extremely tempting. Tempting to cunts. Yeah. Yeah. Tempting to, like you said, adjacent, like a bully adjacent where you just go, hey, I'm the parent.

I'm not telling everyone to call this kid X-Ray for his entire life. I'm just naming my son Xavier because Xavier's a nice name. I'm just giving you the tools. Yeah. I'm just doing this. I'm not saying bludgeon me to death. I'm just handing you the club. Yes.

I'm just making guns really cheap. Yeah. I'm not saying bludgeon me to death. Yeah. I'm just handing you the club. Yes. I'm just making guns really cheap. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And coming with free bullets. You do what you want once you walk out of the shop. Mm-hmm. That's what's happening there to this person that doesn't exist.

But yes, Beckray is the actual name of this person. I wonder if they're in any relation to Stan Ray. I don't wonder that because I don't know what Stan Ray is. Clothing company? Still don't know what it is. Okay. Yeah. Is it good?

They are good. Okay. Look them up. I'm looking them up right now. Stan Ray. They make nice pants. You would have seen that little logo floating around. Really?

It doesn't ring a bell. Let me have a look. Stan Ray's not even coming up as a logo. Stan Ray. No, not really. Is it just going to a bunch of people's LinkedIn profiles with that name? It's just going to some shirts and some pants. Yeah.

Yeah, it doesn't really ring a bell. Okay. Yeah. Well, maybe it does for Beck. Maybe she's like yes my uncle they shouted him out yeah free advertising yeah or maybe um you know what i'm gonna look up i'm gonna now google image beck ray just in case she has a array of competing yeah competing clothing company yeah yeah beck ray but no that's not the case unfortunately just the first thing that comes

up when you google beck ray is just people that aren't called that at all, but are called something vaguely that, like Beck Anderson or Beck McGregor. It seems a little bit of a rip-off. Yeah. Some of those have one of the same letter, but that's really a stretch. Yeah. It might be a name that has the least attached to it in terms of accuracy. Yeah.

There's literally no one called Beck Ray. There's no Ray. There is no... There's no nothing. I'd be a bit pissed off. Whereas if you Google Carl Chandler, there's a lot of pictures of me there. That's cool. Yeah.

All right. Well, thanks, Beck Ray. At the point that we're just on Google Images, it's time to start winding this up. Well, the point we're where Google Images and finding nothing is the point where you wrap it up. Yeah, true. Very true.

Yeah, I could live with it if some actual stuff was coming out of this. Well, you know what I like? I've just Googled Google Images Carl Chandler and at the third...

You know, look, I'm in showbiz enough where there are pictures of me that are coming up. But what I do like is there is a picture of, like on the third row, of a gay couple called Carl and Chandler. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Is that what you were named after?

Yes, this couple that are quite clearly younger than me. Yeah. You changed your name in honour of them. Yes, this couple that are quite clearly younger than me. Yeah. Yeah. You changed your name in honour of them. I would say, and one of the couple does not look one million miles away from me as well, which is quite confusing. All right. Yeah. That's odd.

And he's being spooned in this picture, which must be nice. Yeah. Yeah. By a handsome young man. Well, thanks, Beck. nice yeah yeah by a handsome young young man um well thanks beck thanks beck for giving me that as my new home home uh home screen just the idea of me being fucked by me yep in a way beautiful uh that's that's me uh all right thank you very much to everyone this week is that it yep that's it that's it. That's it?

All right. Actually, I'm just looking at the clock. We've got time for one more. What fucking clock are you looking at? Two days before the comedy festival. What clock is this? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

It's like reverse early edition. Is this a week ago? We're recording this early, and I'm already feeling quite anxious because I haven't had time to even write my to-do list today, which shows how far behind fucking shit I am today. So, look, because of that, let's just do one more. Let's just do one more. What do you think, Tommy?

Thank you very much To Stripper Comedy No That can't be it What are you talking about You don't even have the unplanned title alternator How could that be the thing Oh my god That's

That's Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Oh god This is like the last thing That people are going to hear Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. This is like the last thing that people are going to hear before we start the comedy fest. What kind of advertisement for our skills is this? It's not a good one, but not all ads. You know, sometimes there's really annoying ads. There's bad ads.

Yeah, that's true. Sometimes they're more effective than good ads. You're right. I mean, this really makes the ad for H Hughsy up the top of the show really pop. Thank you very much. Oh, no, you're right, actually. You're actually right. Now that I've...

The button got jammed there for a second. Yeah, okay. Yeah, the button got jammed. Now that I've read it properly, there is a stripper. There is another stripper that's advertised. Yeah. So it's... Here we go

Thank you very much To Patreon subscriber Chesty Comedy Okay Thanks Chesty Comedy Down at the Comedy City Yeah Stripper Ranch

Down at Down at the Spearmint Comedy Yes Spearmint Comedy Thanks everyone For supporting the show Patreon.com Slash Little Dumb Dumb Club

Get out and see A bunch of shit at the comedy festival. But especially us. Especially us. And, yeah, we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates.