The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 605 - Live! Nina Oyama & Tom Ballard

Episode Date: May 11, 2022

We’re back down in Tasmania this week, in front of a pumped-up crowd at the Uni Bar, joined by NINA OYAMA and TOM BALLARD! Blanket’s attending her first ever podcast and we spend way too long pandering to her, Tommy’s been to Mona and picked up a very sweet visual gag at the local markets, Tom’s received a delayed heckle via a friend of the show, Karl’s had a bizarre 24 hours, PLUS Nina’s drunk a lot of cider backstage!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Tasmania with guests Tom Ballard and Nina Oyama. This is a really fun one. If you're in Brisbane, you can come and see me May 17 to 22 at the Brisbane Powerhouse with my show Turtle Island. But hey, let's not waste too much more of your time. Let's get straight into it. We'll be back to talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb.

Enjoy live in Tasmania with Tom Ballard and Nina Oyama. Hey, mate. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Yeah, g'day Dickheads. Oh my god. We are here at the Uni Bar in Hobart, surrounded by nothing but sexy co-eds who've come straight

from a wet t-shirt competition. We've just interrupted a panty raid. Let's go get that crusty old Dean who's with me. Let's dack him. For people at home, you're going to love the second half of the show, which is just going to be a wet T-shirt contest. And audio is going to fucking be pretty horny. Hey, this is an extremely monumental show

in the Little Dumb D Dum Club canon, Carl. Why is that? Not only is it Nick Cody's birthday on the day that we're recording this, but this is the first time that both of our partners have attended a live Little Dum Dum Club show. It's never happened before. In fact, I don't even think we've had one before where one of our partners has attended a little Dumb Dumb Club show. But, yeah, we have an official WAG section up the back of the gig. We got them out on the rotisserie,

Bramlow style as they walked into the gig, did the red carpet. And this is also, Tommy, the very first time that my child has attended a live podcast. Yes. Now, it's going to be hard to pick out which person that is. Spoiler's the one in the fucking pram. I mean, mentally at least, genuinely will be hard to pick her out. Also, by the way, she's already fallen asleep.

So, just like you guys. Really, you don't think this will wake her up? Like, oh, what's dad doing? Can I ask, don't say her name, is she awake or asleep? She's awake. Oh, crowd sur that doing? Can I ask? Don't say her name. Is she awake or asleep? She's awake. She's awake. Oh, crowd surfer up here.

She's probably just about old enough to start heckling at this point. Yeah. She's three. Boo-boo-ga-ga. She's three. She's mentally already a little bit past this show. Yeah, exactly. All right, well, give us an update how it's three. She's mentally already a little bit past this show. Yeah, exactly. All right, well, give us an update how it's going.

Like, I, you know, I mean, I get laughs at home with her, but it's mainly me saying, imagine eating a poo. Yeah. Which is not that far beyond what we do up here, but still. If she likes anything, let us know. Why don't you just do one thing right now at the top of the show for her that you would do, like, you know, in the living room at home to kind of get her interested?

Should I crowd surf down there and tickle her? Because that's about what I do. That's the guaranteed laugh. Is this it? Ask her if she wants to come up here later. She doesn't know any of those words. Up where? Why would that be good?

Do I want to go somewhere? Sure, I'm a kid. You're my parent. You're in charge of that. You tell me if I want to go up there. We've got four seats here. Can we get a high chair up here? What do you think? Does she want to come up later on? Is she enjoying it so far or not? No. No, she's not enjoying it.

Alright, what about this? Your wife said you want to go see daddy and she's got no... She's already seeing daddy. She doesn't even know that it's you up here. Have you guys seen this in the news? Poo poo wee wee? Any good? The pram's violently shaking.

She's loving it. She's like, I might buy some merch now. Alright, what else else we got? We are here in... You know what? This is actually not even her first live podcast. Blanka's first live podcast. Because she, last time my wife was here,

was at a live podcast, was in Koh Samui. And she was about one month in the belly at that stage, I think, wasn't it? Yeah? Yeah, I thought they might have gone a bit more responsive. One person said, Yahoo. And I kind of think they're a bit weird now. So what you're saying is even the three-year-old in the audience would be going,

Hurden! Boring! Well, she's come down to Hobart and we thought this would be exciting. You know, get her on the plane. So she's very excited. A few plane fans in the audience. Great. Let's just keep saying nouns until someone gets into what we're talking about.

So, no, she came down on the plane this morning with us, and the only other time she gets excited for the plane, because the only other two times we've been on the plane is to go to the Gold Coast. Yeah. So she's on the plane going, oh, mummy, daddy, beach, hot, pool. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. No, honey, you get to go to a live podcast. Yeah. No wonder she's asleep. Yeah. This doesn't match the beach at all. Yeah. Still, we getting any?

Nothing. Nothing. I feel like we're concentrating on the wrong thing. She paid fucking nothing to get in. Fuck her. That was... Yeah, I went to add someone to the door and I did find it funny that you had your wife, her friend, and then Blanket all

individually written. Like, Blanket having her own on the door list. Like, I'm sorry ma'am, the child's not on the door. You're going to have to, you can come in but she's going to have to wait out here. What am I supposed to say? Don't say her name, etc. You had to say her name though. You had to write her

name on the door list. I do that in my private life. I don't get home and go, oh baby, don't say her name, though. You had to write her name on the door list. I do that in my private life. I don't get home and go, oh, baby, don't say her name. Keep going. Yeah, but keep it going. The best dirty talk of all time. No complaints from down here. Just keep doing what you're doing. Guys, what more do you want, honestly?

Talking about a man rooting his wife when his wife is in the room. What more do you fucking animals want? There's kills on the mainland, all right, guys? honestly talking about a man rooting his wife when his wife is in the room what more what more do you fucking animals want there's kills on the mainland alright guys catch up sex

I got down here the other day I went to Mona yesterday I'd never been to Mona before the museum of old and new art and yeah it was exciting to go in it's great

I'm sure like most people here have been I go in and everyone always talks about oh you've exciting to go in it's uh it's great i'm sure like most people here have been uh i go in and everyone always talks about oh you've got to go to mona like us putting like uh on the socials like hey recommend stuff and everyone just going like you got to go to mona uh and everyone's like oh just amazing high art great art gallery i go in right we get there first thing i need to go to the toilet so i go to the toilet and I sit down and on the wall of the door, there's what I think is a screen

and I sit down. It's not a screen, it's a mirror and there's a series of mirrors in this cubicle that start in the bowl of the toilet and are kind of angled so that you sit down and you just see your arsehole on the door in front of you as you're shitting.

I mean, this sounds like it's going to be right up your daughter's alley based on what you were saying before. And so I come out and I'm like, I turn to my girlfriend, I'm like, oh, I got this, I got this, they're so fucked what they do with the toilets here. And she's like, mine didn't have that. And I found out that's one cubicle in the whole of Mona has that. Oh, really? To make you think you've gone insane. So just like one person in a group going, yeah, it's fucked how they do that here, isn't it?

Everyone going, they don't do that. What are you talking about? Wow. It's kind of great. I sort of was into it. Did you guys know that? No. Oh, yes. Has anyone here you guys know that? No. Oh, yes.

Has anyone here had that cubicle? No. It's not too dissimilar to what you're watching right now, isn't it? Close-up rectums. So we do that and then go up the stairs in the first room we go into, which is like the... People talk about it a lot, but there's like a room where they've got this little machine

that makes human shit. Like it stinks in there, and it's like, these are my first two experiences back to back of Mona. Yeah. This, like, thing where people go, oh, hi, Art, it's so amazing. You've got to go experience it. It's like, this is, like, the fucking jackass reality to it. This isn't...

You could get all of that in the Princess Park toilets. Exactly. Yeah. How's this, though? I found out, because it's this machine that they feed stuff to, and then it, like, shits at a certain point of the day Park toilets. Exactly. How's this though? I found out because it's this machine that they feed stuff to and then it like shits at a certain point of the day. There's like five pumps and they just like shit onto the ground.

Five pumps. Yeah, five little kind of things that are just shooting out shit onto the ground at a certain part of the day. I found out that it broke at one point because they were putting too much coffee in there and then it sort of stopped shitting.

They constipated the machine. They needed to get Akmal's uncle in with the hose to fucking flush this thing out. They had to give the art gallery an enema. Yeah. Wow. Genuinely, we've got to cut the coffee out. It's no good.

Yeah. You should call up David Walsh, the head of Mona and be like, I got some bread to recommend take the art gallery down the street and shit on the footpath you're down there in that, because they do give you the time that it's gonna shit every day, it's like, come back at 2pm if you want it

is that like in Phillip Island where they tell you when the penguins are gonna turn up on the beach yeah, yeah, yeah that would be great, you're in the room and it's like, they tell you when the penguins are going to turn up on the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that would be great. You're in the room and they'll say on the app, it's like, oh, if you want to see... Hey, if you want to see it, shit. If you want to see the shit actually...

I love that. If it's not enough to just be smelling it in here, if you want to see it come out, I'm back at two. You know why they did that? Because there was too many Japanese tourists turning up at 10am going, oh, we had the camera out but we didn't even get the shit. What a fucking riff off. We're never coming back.

What's this stereotype that's in your head? Japanese tourists love photos of shit? No. I just thought Japanese tourists love going to Phillip Island. So I just conflated the two. Okay, I see, I see. People are allowed to be Japanese these days, Tommy. Okay, don't get upset. Alright? You're to be Japanese these days, Tommy, okay? Don't get upset, all right?

You're still thinking about the war. It's over, mate. I don't know, man. My grandpa did a pretty good job of instilling some hatred into me. So I love the idea of you being in that room and they're like, you know, they get to 2pm where it's meant to be shitting and on a day where it's just like it's not working and they're like, someone's there like, I'm sorry. Sorry, everyone.

The machine's just not working and you're just going, I'll take it from here. Just feeding yourself the Wonder Wine, pushing the machine out of the way and just doing a big shit in there. Bit of local, we've never talked about this and I'm sure this is like,

stop me guys if this is the Harold Hoppool of Hobart, but I'm sure it is. I sort of think the shit room is the Harold Hopple of Hobart. Yeah, well I think I'll one up it. The 9-11 bottle shop, right? Oh yeah, you're right. I think we've talked about that one in the past. Yeah, we've definitely talked about it.

I feel like everyone that rolls into town must talk about the 9-11 bottle shop. Because it is like, people drink to forget, they drink to never forget. Thank you. Thought I'd be in the Uber. Thank you. Very generous Yeah. Because it is like, people drink to forget, they drink to never forget. Yeah. Thank you. Thought I was in the Uber. Thank you.

Very generous for applauding something that you must have heard at least 15 times by now. Mate, I'm fucking smart. Just a two-pack, thanks. I'll go in and get a stubby and then like six minutes later I'll go back in for the stubby. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good stuff. Good, good stuff. Because all those people died that time. So, yeah.

Well, we, yeah, there's one of the exhibitions that I liked at Mona that's not shit-based was this one where it's like you had to book a ticket and line up to get in and it's this kind of, this room that you go into, you walk down a little corridor and it's all felt, it's this like kind of room within a room and it's hard to tell what it is and then you touch it and it's like just soundproofing and it's this thing called the Mona Confessional

where you, because the whole gallery is underground so you go into this confessional room and there's like, once you're there Have they got any fucking paintings in this joint? Yeah, made out of shit from the shit robot. Yeah, so you get into this, it's completely soundproof

and the idea of it is you can just yell confessional stuff out. Hang on a minute. We're getting heckled by my child over there. This story has gone on too long I believe. What's happening over there? Have we not talked about poo poo for five minutes and we're acting up? Who the fuck's that guy

up there in the Liverpool hat? Hey, what are you doing down there? You've got to be nice for mummy or no more Easter eggs, okay? This is bizarre. This is so weird. If you be nice we'll get an Easter egg later, okay? Did she say okay?

Yeah. Okay, okay? Yeah. Okay, all right. Yeah. What do you think? Yeah, so you go into this room. It's like, the whole thing of it is it's a confessional. You can say whatever you want in there. No one in the gallery can hear.

But your sound, what you're saying is being piped up into a speaker that's on the forecourt of Mona as people turn up. So strangers are just walking past. but they can't see you. They can just hear this voice coming out of like a pipe, right? As you're sitting on the toilet watching your own rectum. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So we go in there and I'm like, oh, what's something I can confess?

And then I kind of thought, well, look, this show hasn't sold amazingly. You know, we could have done with a few more tickets sold. So I thought, I'll get a plug out. I'll get a plug out to the Mona Falkourts so hello do you guys like podcasts we're doing a live podcast tomorrow at 3pm at the Unibar

you guys should come along yeah it's do you guys know the comedian Tom Ballard oh that's a shame Let me go to them But yeah it's 3pm at the uni bar Okay so Is anyone here because they heard about the show yesterday at Mona

At about midday on the forecourt Did those people turn up? Alright Pardon? Carl your child's yelling out again Someone dropped her on her head by the sound of it Button? Carl, your child's yelling out again. Someone's dropped her on her head by the sound of it. Flanket.

All right. Look, good set up. Let's bring out our first guest. All right, folks, please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Tom Ballard! Tom Ballard! Hello to all my fans! Oh, the word of mouth is spreading! They bade, they demanded

you come out. I did that thing, that confession thing at Moda. You feel very creepy. I was like, hello! And then I think a small Indian family, I believe, were like, Hey! Hey, we've already named Japanese people. You can't name them as well.

People aren't allowed to be Indian anymore. I said, hello! They said, hello! I said, hi! What's your name? And then the little girl just said, why? It's a fucking great question. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to start, any time I fill out a form, full name, what's it to you? It's none of your fucking business. What's your problem? I also love Carl just listening to a description of an art museum. Are there any fucking paintings in this joint? What the fuck? Art in that, eh? Whatever happened to Rembrandt, eh? What the fuck? Art in that, eh? Whatever happened to Rembrandt, eh?

What? Anyone? Whatever happened to Rembrandt? Do you guys know? Is that another thing, you know, you do your 9-11 jokes down here, you do your whatever happened to Rembrandt jokes down here. Is that hack? That's your mystery podcast that you launched. This guy Rembrandt, people used to be talking about him now they're not. Where the fuck did he

go? Fucking cancel culture. Can't paint anything anymore. Name one Rembrandt painting. Bowl of apples. Fake fan. This guy's in the Rembrandt t-shirt but he can't name a single one of the paintings.

Yeah, I bought it from Dangerfield. Man, we are killing up here. I don't know what you guys are doing down there. We're having fun. We haven't seen Tom for a few months. We're having a good time

catching up. Imagine eating a poo. And we're back. Blanco loves that one. Incredible to watch your parenting live on stage by the way too. This is the closest

I've ever been. Has Blanco lit up? Is she looking at Tom going, oh wow, Barney's up there. This is awesome. I've ever been. Has Blanket lit up? Is she looking at Tom going, oh, wow, Barney's up there. This is awesome. She's looking. She's now been to two shows. She's been to the Wiggles at the tennis centre and this.

Hello. Are you going all right? Are you having a good time? Yes or no? No. What did she say? Did she say anything? Aww. What did she say? Did she say anything?

Okay. I think that was your wife encouraging her to say yay and Planky considered that response and said no thank you. No thank you. No thank you. All the Hobart listeners who didn't buy a ticket to this just sitting at home listening back going, yeah, I made the right call. They're interviewing a baby from on stage.

Can I say one more thing? No, you may not. Well, I mean, they've already spoken. They don't want me to say anything more. I've got a mate that came down here once. I just remember when we rocked up today. I had a mate come down here like about 10 years ago and he was like, I don't know where he went, some big rave

or something, anyway he was like really off his chops, to the point where he was texting his mum at like 2 in the morning and he texted his mum and said I love you mum but then she texted back are you going to kill yourself?

Which I love for two reasons, obviously. Two reasons, like, you know, like, the only way that this guy would ever say I love you to his mum is if he's going to kill himself. And then B, it was just a text, not a call. Yeah. If your mum thinks you're that much of a piece of shit, you should kill yourself. What if we all did it now and just see what

responses we get back? Is it like, are you going to kill yourself and then my mum has turned off notifications or whatever? Just the bouncy balls, just like, nah. And then, nah. Yeah. Nah. She's got iMessage but it just goes to green when you send

it. Oh, fuck. She's gone on flight mode. What have you done? So you've been here for like, fuck, how long have you been here for? You were stuck in Tasmania for... Not stuck. Blessed to be. The doors are open. Blessed to be or trapped perhaps.

Contractually obligated to be here. Yes, yes. Jeff Bezos will kill me. Right, so you are working for a TV show that is based in Tasmania and you're not even allowed to go back to the mainland at any stage to visit or anything like that. No, in case there are border closures, we are blessed to be within a very strict period.

I believe to get 45 minutes outside of Hobart, we need to get approval from the producers. Really? Have you told them at all about this gig? No, and we just got an email saying, please try to avoid being indoor spaces with lots of people. Well, you're welcome. Please try to avoid the little dum-dum club.

We got word that they're coming into town and they're going to poach our cast. Yeah, I done fucked up. But it'll be worth it, right? Right, Blanket? Why don't you just deliver some of your lines from the show up here and then when you do contract COVID from this audience and you have to miss a week of

filming, they can just splice it in from the pod. Hello, I'm a gay policeman. I wonder who the murderer is. Scene. Are you playing a cop in the show? I am a goddamn cop, but I don't enjoy it. My character is very lazy, doesn't enjoy being a police officer,

so that allows me to remain in the greens. Are you gay or straight in the character? I'm a big old fag. Oh, really? Mm-hm. Imagine eating poo. Blanket, if you didn't like that, there's nothing else up here for you. I'm sorry.

Normally I say it's a family show as a joke, but we really are in that. So you're going in. That must be quite a stretch and also difficult to act. Oh, nice. Have a great day, everybody. Great to see you. The show's

called Deadlock. Check it out. Now I'm drawing on... He's a lot camper than me actually. So I am worried that people will see me on the show and be like... You're doing glitter face. Are you going full Creasy? I'm Joel Creasy but I'm fat. I'm Joel Creasy but I'm fat I'm Joel Creasy but I'm fat

It's like a dichotomy Joel Smoothie What? I don't know It's not Creasy This is like You know fat don't crack Smooth

Smoothie is healthy Oh smooth Yeah yeah yeah We're good Come on mate You've been down here too long That kills up on the mainland Things have changed

Come on Come on, mate. You've been down here too long. That kills up on the main line. Things have changed. Come on. That's comedy. That's comedy! I did comedy last night. Oh, yes. Had a wonderful gig at the casino. The home of comedy. We go to gamble on having a good time.

I had fun. There was a bit of crowd interaction, and I may have potentially gone a little bit hard on one member of the audience, and this came back. Not like that. Oh, faggot! Yeah, give us a quick line read

of the sort of thing that you're doing in the show so we can really picture it. Oh, I want to know what you said to this person. Okay, well, I'll let you know because I got feedback from the person via friend of the show, Nick Carr. Right. Okay? Nick Carr is a friend with this gentleman. Hang on.

So Queensland and Toowoomba resident Nick Carr had friends with someone who was in the Hobart Casino last night. And that was the closest line of contact you had from this heckler last night. I couldn't hear his objections last night over everybody else laughing. So then he rang Nick Carr and then he rang you. He got in touch. Nick Carr sends me a message this morning saying, hey, guessing you had a fun show last night.

Then a screenshot of a message you got from this guy, which simply says, hey, mate, please tell Tom Ballard not to call me a pedophile. A wonderful night of comedy for all involved. Bring the kids. You've got to write this guy into the show you're working on, Tom. You're under arrest for buggering children. Is that the sort of thing you're doing?

Is that okay that I did that? No! It's not, is it? We're in a university, for God's s children. Is that the sort of thing you're doing? Is that okay that I did that? No. It's not, is it? We're in a university, for God's sakes. Yeah. This is a safe space. They need to learn somewhere. They're all blue-haired, genderqueers, Marxists, dear.

We are in a university. I think we've got a C-plus for comedy so far. Comedy plus, yeah. We've done the ultra version of it. That's our ISC. The joke was, I was talking about my boyfriend who's eight years younger than me and then this guy sort of yelled out and then he said he's 35 and his girlfriend's

22. So it's like only three years bigger gap than me. Right. So I said, I'm normal, you're a pedophile. Yeah. It's comedy. Simple rule of comedy. Yeah, that's funny. But apparently yes, he then complained to my

manager, Nick Carr. What? I love this heckle just like crossing the country. This is awesome.

It's like he's not confident enough to like email professional comedians yet, so he's like warming up on open markets.

Is that what that means? Hey Nick, you've met some comedians sometime. Yeah. Pass on a message to me. Did you send something back to Car to say to this person? I did.

Is that person here today? Damn. Callum. Shout out to Callum. They're not here, they're hanging out at the McDonald's ball pit down the road. Car said, this is a dude from Toowoomba I barely know. And I said, haha, oh dear. I'm very short and sharp on that.

Looking forward to the new pod. I said, oh, he's probably going to come to Dum Dum. You know I've got a big pedophile demographic. I don't think he'd be a Dum Dum fan, I could be wrong. He plays lawn bowls with a mate of mine. Humble brag. Clang.

Nick Carr, that's an elite sport. He's a bit of a goober. I wouldn't worry about him. Just a super funny message to get out of the blue from a dude I barely know. That is a bold call

if you barely know this person and say, hey, just one message to pass on to TV, stop calling me a Peter. Also, do you know Dave Chappelle? Tell him to get fucked as well. Just tell everyone in the comedy community that I'm not a pedophile. I'd like to get the word out.

Hit up Rove. Hit up all the greats. Should we get a second guest? Let's get our next guest out here. Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Nina Royama! Oh my god. Nina. Hello!

I'm also down here for work. I was hired to be the claw whacker. I've got to go in 15 minutes. Guys, I've got to take big shit. It's so good to be on the Little Dum Dums kids podcast. I love this. I love this.

Hey, you could really give the Wiggles a run for their money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nina's also half Japanese, everybody. Watch out. Oh, yeah. Japanese people exist. And I'm proof. Thank you. Sorry for

taking so long then. I hate it when we accidentally don't bring you a guest. No, it's so fine. I was like they'll bring me on any minute and then I drank a whole pint of cider and then I went and got more and then I drank a whole pint of that and now I'm fucked. Hell yeah. So, thank you. It is a bad, we just

turned you into a bad comedy hostage. You're just there professionally having to listen to our bullshit for, like, 20 minutes. Man, hostage material, 9-11 material. You guys are... What's left? I'm hijacking the podcast! Dude, just...

I don't want to spend too much time on it, but clearly the 9-11 bottle shop existed before 9-11 and then refused to change that. That is gutless. Is it because they're open at 9 and shut at 11? Yes. I feel like they shut earlier. I feel like everything in Hobart

shuts earlier. And they refuse to respond to your letters. A bottle shop being like we've got to open at 9am. That's gnarly stuff. And they're not. I tried. Yeah, that is weird. 9 is pretty early, but

11 is not that late. There would have been someone there going, guys, this tragedy just happened. This is an opportunity to just open a couple of hours later. No one's coming in at 9.05 anyway, and there would have been a manager going, if we do that, the terror is coming.

We are never changing the name. What about opening at 6am and closing at 9pm? Yep. 69? She gets it. There's a bottle shop near me that refused to change their name after the London bombings. The 7-7 bottle shop. They just never opened.

Oh, the Blitzkrieg box. What a load. It would have been so good if I didn't stutter in the fucking... Yeah, down the road from me is the Holocaust beer and wine and they're doing terrible business. Yeah, I'll say here, the Hiroshima

gin bar is really not popping. What else? The Japanese whiskey is good but no one's coming for some reason. Yep, yep. Yeah, what else? The Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast in Hobart Bottle Shop. That was a fucking disaster.

There we go. There we go. Someone start that up, please. I'm overheating. I'm going to have to take a break. What else have we got? What about this? This is the...

No, hang on. Let's just admire the male fan. Woo! Take this! Just kidding, put it back on. Put it back on. You know, it's really interesting that your partners are here because every time I ask you about your ladies,

you're always like, oh yeah, they go to another school. It's my wife, George Glass. Yeah, Hobart School. That's where they are. Nah, just kidding. Hobart School. You look like Charlie Brown. I was just getting a bit...

Like, not actually like the cartoon, you just have the essence. I was just getting a bit hot under all those layers, so that's it. Yeah. Oh, sorry, hang on. We've got a visual joke here. You've got a Tasmanian...

You've got a Tasmanian shirt. Tasmania. Oh, I'm not the Tassie shirt. Oh, and it's a pussy. Yeah. Okay, we get it. Hang on. Did you take off your jumper and, like,

did you think everyone would laugh and cheer at you? You know you can't write that shit on a hot tack and no one laughs. Tommy, is that a picture of my body on the shirt? Is that a picture of my body on the shirt? Is that a picture of my pubes? I don't know that I thought the cheering would be part of it. You have it. For people at home, you are wearing a shirt that says Tasmania warmer than

you think. The lower body of a lady, map of Tassie represented in pubic hair and comedy. I bought this this morning at the Salamanca Market. It took so fucking long for the guy to process the sale.

Bro, that's called Hobart time. Can I just say, every single time I go to a shop, I get in there and then an hour later I get out after a conversation. At first I was annoyed by it. I was like, I was in Sydney time. But then I realised I was like, I'm on Hobart time now and it's okay

yeah it's okay the guy asked me if I wanted to try it on at the in the little stall and I said no need mate I'm just going to chuck this on and I already know

that it's going to kill at the podcast I don't need to try it on to know what funny is I'd said to you this morning hey I might sit down and write a rat dad unless you've got one on the go already and you were like to know what funny is. I'd said to you this morning, hey, I might sit down and write a Rat Dad unless you've got one on the go already. And you were like, I think our time would be better served

coming up with some ideas and stories. So I went, all right, I'm down to the Salamanca markets trying to find something funny for the show. And here I am, ladies and gentlemen. You could have had a Rat Dad, but you got this instead. Rat Dad was going to go to Mona.

He was going to be like eating out of the fucking shit pump in the cloaca room. Man, you guys really tried with the local material. Me and Tom were back there for 45 minutes being like, they're still talking about Tasmania. Like, congratulations, cunt. You read a brochure. Man, it's paid off. We have pumped it really hard

for about 30 minutes now and these guys have warmed up to six. Man, it's paid off. We have pumped it really hard for about 30 minutes now and these guys have warmed up to six. And we're back to zero. Okay. Don't worry, I've got three more T-shirts under this one. Each funnier than the last. I can't wait to see what you make out of the ho in Hobart.

Oh my God, do you know there's a radio station called Ho FM? Oh, nice. Yeah, and I've seen people walk around the town with Ho FM jackets. I'm like, where do I get one of those? Did you know that they all fuck their siblings? Did you know the secret sound is just this? Okay, I can't do it, too drunk. But you know...

It was the sound of fucking. No, you can't do it either. Oh, there we go. There we go. There we go. That's a wet cheek, baby. All right, what about this? What about this?

What about this? This is the 24 hours I had on Thursday, right? These three things happened to me on Thursday. Okay. Right, so I went for a run remarkable in the fact I did not shit my pants. This is a great story Carl. I can't wait to hear the rest. It's gonna be good.

So I went for a run Thursday night. I ran past a big gentleman laying on the ground and then went well this guy's a little bit fucked. And then I noticed that he was like there was about three or four cops around him. I'm like oh well this guy's in fucking trouble. Oh And then I noticed that he was like, there was about three or four cops around him. I'm like, oh, this guy's in fucking trouble.

Oh, that was just Tom shooting the show. No, he was in Melbourne. Okay, right. Oh, sorry. Can I just say, I'm also asking about the show. We hear that fun. Like, I'm also asking.

We hear that fun. And no one's asked me about the show. They've only asked Tom about the show. I'm higher on the call sheet. I didn't even have time to do comedy because I'm in so many scenes. Don't ask me about the show. I'm not allowed to talk about the show.

Who do you play? I play a constable. Can we say our names? I play a junior constable called Abby. Scoop! Scoop! No, I think it's been announced. My name's been announced. I play a junior constable called Abby. Scoop! Scoop! No, I think it's been announced. My name's been announced.

But yeah, I play a junior constable. Okay. Anyway, back to Carl's story. Very riveting. You don't have to ask me about this. I immediately regret doing this bit. I have no follow-up. This is the podcast equivalent of like, you want to smoke that cigarette,

you can smoke the whole fucking thing. You want to talk about the show? Tell us it. What was your audition process like? You want to suck that dick? Welcome to the gangbang. You want to talk about the show? Tell us it. What was your audition process like? You want to suck that dick? Welcome to the gangbang. You go to Mona and eat... No one else's dad?

You go to Mona and eat everything that comes out of that machine. Yeah, and then I shit it back out because I'm the claw worker. But no, it's it. Sorry, Carl. Sorry for interrupting. Hey, I'm really sorry, man. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your beautiful story.

I'm so sorry. I really was wow it's like Tom and T-shirt came to life and sick I thought that was a bit about how much

I thought that was a bit about how much you drank and then I realised it was not maybe people just couldn't see the T-shirt probably

there we go oh we've got the lights up get the house lights up you can. Get the house lights up. You can't laugh when you're marvelling at the sculpted figure underneath the t-shirt. I get it. You're like, wow, look at those biceps. Nothing funny there. There we go. That is definitely a vagina.

That's great stuff. That's really good. Nothing says I get laid more than a man wearing a vagina and a t-shirt. It was my girlfriend's idea to buy this and then I turned around after the 45... Don't put it on her, Tommy. Don't blame women for your shortcomings. My girlfriend bombed, it wasn't me.

I had the 45-minute transaction with the guy and I turned around to be to her like, oh, how was that? She's gone. She's just seen me, people walking past like, look at that fucked little man buying that pussy t-shirt. She's just halfway down the road. She's like, I do not. It was bombing even then. It was bombing in the middle of the market. You know what? I went to sell

in a market with my wife and child as well and genuinely, I was walking down going, I've never seen a range of more fucked t-shirts in my life. And now I've seen the king. You missed the great... If you had have seen this, would it have crossed your mind, like, I'm going to buy that?

No. I would have thought of it to tell you, but clearly I didn't need to. This is my pray for me, my wife is Italian. This is my version of that. This is your FBI female body infection. Yeah, it really is. Alright. So you see... Next time we're on the inspector. Yeah, it really is. Alright, so you see a...

Next time we're on the project, we'll do that. So you saw a man. Yeah, so I saw a man on his back, Victoria Street, bit of a sketchy street, I get it, cops around him, cool, and I'm like, oh, I'm about to see a bit of an arrest, nice. And then I notice they're not particularly trying to get him up, and then I notice one guy wrapping tape around the scene, I'm like, oh no, I'm seeing a dead body.

Close up. Wow. They're not still doing the chalk outline? No. No. Just wrapping around. Because I was like, they're putting tape. And I did for a minute go, that's going to obstruct the ambulance, Becky.

Oh, no. No. He dead. So this tape is really ruining the vibe. I thought he was alive, but now he's dead. So I'm jogging, and I don't know if that's helping or hindering my motivation as I'm trying to get fit, but big old fat guy, absolutely brown bread on the ground.

So I go, cool, that's the first dead body I've ever seen. Brown ice cream on the ground. Yeah. So that motivates you to run. You're like, that could be me. Well, it also looks a little bit weird when you're running away from the scene of a crime. Yeah, true.

Also amazing to see a dead body in the street and think, how does this affect me? Oh, I'd better exercise more. That's the answer. Or I could be a dead man in the middle of the street. Fetch, dead body. You really gave me the kick out of the ass I needed. Good day, officers.

Well, I did a little bit because the guy was pretty fat and I was like, I don't want to look like him. So, yeah, keep running. Brilliant. How dare you fat shame a dead body, Kyle? That is rough. I'm all about body positivity, including cadavers. And I think I'm not doing the rest of this bit.

I don't like it. I'm going to tap out. That would have been great If you'd sidled up Next to the cops I mean I know you've got Work to do But let's be real here Pretty fucking fatty

Have you ever arrested A fatter dead guy Than this guy Or what So I kept running So I'm like So the whole time I'm like

Overdose on ice cream What do you think boys You're like Oh shit That coffins are going to be So heavy Maybe I should pull my hand up To carry it, boys? You're like, oh shit, that coffin's going to be so heavy. Maybe I should pull my hand up to carry it down the aisle. Down the aisle, yeah. The dead guy's getting married.

Here comes the corpse. They're like pepper spraying you. You're like, wait, I've got one more. I've got a few more good ones. Throwing the bouquet to the next person I think's going to die. Dad, will you walk my coffin down the aisle and make me the happiest son of all time? Will you give me my blessing to pass away? Again, we're killing up here, down there, okay.

So I'm running away. I'm processing that as I'm running around. I'm like, that's a weird thing. I've never seen a dead body before. I'm seeing it as I'm just gliding past them as i'm doing not a bad little time either so i so i get i get close to home yeah i've done my 5k so i'm like all right i clock off and i so then i ring and look looking back i don't know if this is the the smartest thing to do or the most logical thing to do but the first person i think of and this is at 11 o'clock at night yeah i think i've got to tell

someone this so i I ring Milan. I ring Milan to say, I just saw a big fat dead body and he's like, oh, cool. Wait, he picked up? Because it's a world in which he doesn't pick up and you go, it was Milan. I hate this reboot of Stand By Me. This is fast. Hey Milan, you rat

cunt, you want to see a dead body? Prove it, prove it. Milan'd by me. Best corpse ever. So I'm telling him this, and he can back me up, because I'm talking to him on the phone as I'm walking close to my house, and as I'm getting close to my house, it's 11, 11.30 at night,

so there is absolutely no one on the road, and I'm walking down a hill to my house, and there's another hill coming to my house from the other direction, and there's no one on the footpath, no one on the road, there's just me and then I see this bike coming down the other hill. So I'm walking down one hill a bike's coming down the other hill and it's like a little bit of vanilla sky and so I

get close to this bike and I'm going, what's going to happen here? And he gets really close to me and then he just does a massive skid, turns around and rides right up into my face and goes hey dude, want to come to the park and smoke some weed? Carl, don't make up

stories to impress your uni friends. Alright, we're all very excited to be out. Milan heard it, Milan heard it on the phone. I was like, this guy sounds so cool. What's the number? He was. I don't know how long he'd been riding around for.

Did you just find one person to ask that for? But, like, he's asking me. Like, this guy's, like, 18, 19. He's on his BMX looking for something to smoke weed with. And he points at me, a 46-year-old man who's basically wearing Lycra at, like, 11.30. And it's been raining. He wants to sit in a wet park. Does he want to smoke weed, Carl? Yeah, well, that's it. It's, like, it's late. It's wants to sit in a wet park. Doesn't he want to smoke weed, Carl?

Yeah, well, that's it. It's like it's late. It's raining. You're in Lycra. It's like, this guy's already fucked up. He knows how to party. He's going to have some stories. You look like you've just seen a dead body, man.

You need to chill out. Yeah, that's a good idea. Maybe I should have done that. But anyway. That was like sending you an angel, Carl. Yes! So what did you do? Did you smoke the weed?

No, I just said fuck no to him and kept walking. Mate, look at this guy. Looking a gift horse in the mouth. I know. But I got scared because I'm scared of a man who looks at me and thinks this is a good idea to smoke weed with me at 11.30 at night. Like, clearly something's wrong with this cunt.

Don't you think? That's a weird thing to do. Nah, you've got one of those 11pm weed faces, man. Cheech and Chong and Chando, I get it. At a certain hour, once you're just out in the street by yourself in the running gear, all bets are

off. You've also just called Milan, who's a party animal. You want that party animal energy. You should have. You should have connected them. You fucked up, man. Damn, I'm going to start hanging around your house like 11pm on Thursday nights

because I want to meet this guy. I want to know his fucking story. Me too. I'm going to start jogging around more dead bodies because I want to meet this man. I want some free weed. Tasmania, hook me. Maybe that's what happened.

Maybe he'd just done a big lap and that big fat guy had OD'd on weed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have been dead that night. He got too chilled out. You are such a fucking narc. He listened to too much. I've got to say,

the narc energy coming up here right now. Hey, is this like a cautionary? Have you been paid by the CIA to tell this audience like, hey guys, you can OD on weed? Yes.

That's why you shouldn't smoke drugs. Yes. And you become the kids' little dum-dum club. Are you loosing blanket? Never do drugs.

The little, little dum-dum club. The little, little dum-dum club. So that's two things. That's two things. This is in, it's not even 24 hours.

Oh my god, there's more. This is like 16, 18 hours. This is act three. So that's pretty full on. That's when Chek That's two things. This is in... It's not even 24 hours. Oh my God, there's more. This is like 16, 18 hours. So this is... Act three. So that's pretty full on. That's when Chekhov's gun goes off.

Yep. That's when I've had everything, everywhere, all at once. It's coming up now. So we... So I've seen... I've seen life...

I've seen life end. I've seen a man at the end of his life. That's fucking heavy stuff. A fat man at the end of his life. Let's make sure people don't forget that. Thank you.

A cautionary tale. Again, these guys are more appreciative than you guys. I don't know what's happening down there. I don't know if there's something under the barrier that's distracting you. I don't know if you're all facing blanket. But this is gold. Guys, come on.

If the story's bumming you out, just look at the T-shirt. Just remember how funny that was a few minutes ago. I'm so glad they have the barrier because if they didn't, everyone would be all over you with this little maxi shirt. We're going to be fucking slipping all over when we try and walk out of here anyway.

I've got it again. A place where people go to learn. So they're pretty heavy stories right now maybe potentially the headliner of these stories this is a mere

like what 11 hours later alright here we go Big Ted take us through the round window let's have it the next day I go to work

I do my my job I go to lunch yep I my job I go to lunch Yep I sit down I get McDonald's for lunch Okay

Keep going This is so riveting Where's the nearest McDonald's From where you're working? I don't I don't care Keep going Oh no

Some amazing physical comedy Has happened up here But enough about the t-shirt that I'm wearing Can't also spill this drink It wasn't my drink Is this like a sci-fi thing where the dead fat guy Is you in the future From eating the McDonald's

Is this like a six cents thing where you Didn't realise you were dead the whole time And you were the fat guy but you jobbed for six years And you thought you weren't anymore Yeah I'm fat. The 69th sense. The 9-11th sense. I was fat and drunk the whole time.

No, so I go to lunch I get McDonald's and I sit down and... What did you get? What did you get? Order time. Did you hack the menu? No. How do I hack the menu? You fucking asked for extra shit.

What do I ask for? Dude, whatever you want. That's not a hack. That's just you paying to get more food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You hacking is a wrong... I pay for goods and services. My hack.

Spending $157 at McDonald's and being like, I took you cunts to the cleaners. I'm a global citizen contributing to the economy. I'm sorry that I put my funds into trades in goods and that that stimulates the worldwide capitalist society.

I've got a hack for you. I'm sorry that I've donated to NFTs and get in my very rare NFTs. Alright, let's cut off Naina if we can. Please. I'm the last to arrive and the first to leave. Just like advertising.

You just in there being like, you don't even have to play McMonopoly to win here. You just fucking order stuff and they give it to you. Here's a life hack. Give them $3 and they give you chippies. Check it out. But honestly, what did you get? Enough fucking around.

What did you get? I'm judging you. Wait, can we play a guessingippy. Check it out. But honestly, what did you get? Enough fucking around. What did you get? I'm judging you. Wait, can we play a guessing game? Oh, yeah. Large quarter pounder meal. Diet Coke for skinniness. Look at him. No, no, no.

Okay, I reckon cheeseburger. No pickle, no tomato sauce. Pussy. Small chip. I thought you knew me better than this. Okay. My guess, brown sundae. Oh, wait, no, no, I know. Yeah, you're right.

I do. Sucking off the chef out the back. Yes, the chef at McDonald's. I sucked off the chef at McDonald's. I was a McDonald's chef. Sorry, this is a bit above your pay grade.

It's really hard. Bring Grimace out here. I'd like to... I'd like to give you a little slurp if I can. Can you put on the big poofy hat if I suck you off? Or, you know... Hey, not cool, man. That's a half description. No, we're all in.

That's a half description. No, we're having a nice time. It's not all description No, we're all in episode That's a half description No, we're having a nice time It's nothing It's not all about you, mate Alright? I'll put on the big hat if you eat me out But you just have to lick this bit She's pointing to the t-shirt

She tickled my little belly Tax deductible Yeah No, no, no It's It's large double cheeseburger meal Okay. It's large double cheeseburger meal. Okay. All right.

A large double cheeseburger meal. You think you know someone. Any extras? You get any cookies in there? Nah. What are you getting? Get a bit of ketchup? Nah.

No. See, you're right. I don't like the sauce. I don't like the pickle. I take it out myself. Oh, okay. Wipe it out on the wrap. Oh, my God.

Look at this hero for the service industry. You stop fucking lying. I know. That guy doesn't get a grill slip. You walk into McDonald's and you say, one pad thai, please. Can I have one pad thai? And then you remove the noodles yourself. Life hack.

Yep. All right. Okay. We spent about 20 minutes on that. Now, carry on. This third thing. A lot of pressure on this third thing Get to the good bit

Not really Okay Yeah So I get that I sit down I sit on the Again Fuck, how well are we doing up here?

I really hope the mics We've got crowd mics I really hope they're pointed inwards Yeah Look, I mean We've travelled further for this So it should It stands to reason

We should be enjoying it more Honestly, honestly We're doing so well I mean, we've travelled further from this, so it stands to reason that we should be enjoying it more. Honestly, we're doing so well, I reckon we will all buy tickets to this next time. It's also so dark

we can't see literally anyone. There could well be no people out there at all. Is Blanket asleep again yet or not? She's just not laughing.

It's weird that you named your kid after Michael Jackson's kid. Yes. Or a blanket Jackson's kid. Yes. Or a blanket. A blanket. Yeah. Not Doona?

No. This bit is sucking. Hi, I'm Michael Jackson. Here's me daughter, Doona. That's comedy. What if Michael Jackson was on here? There we go. Welcome back to Comedy Inc, everyone.

That's what you guys are filming down here, right? The review of Comedy Inc. Yeah. Amazon presents Comedy Inc comedy 2.0 it's not last one laughing it's first one laughing who's going to find any of these sketches funny it don't matter if you're

blind or an abo Aussie Michael Jackson the kid's not me fucking son Billy you know or an abo. Aussie Michael Jackson. The kid's not me fucking son, Billy, you know? It's not my son because I'm having sex with men. Are you alright? It's not as funny, but it's clean.

I'm starting to realise why they're not laughing. Billy G's not me fucking kid, cunt. Alright, I'm done. Thank you. It's a fucking thriller. Yeah. Listen, I'm fucked. Fuck, it's close to midnight.

Thriller, anyway. Let's stop this bit. Come on, Carl. So Carl, continue. Large double cheeseburger. And you take the pickles out. You take the pickle out and the sauce. And the sauce. And you're using the wrapper from the burger

to just kind of like wipe. Glide it out. Like a little bottom. You shouldn't be focusing too hard on this bit. There's more to come. No, this is like I'm just setting the scene. Bit of colour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got to have it now with a little toy. This is like the beginning of a Breaking Bad episode where the camera's in the wrapper as you're wiping the sauce out. This is nothing like the beginning of a Breaking Bad fucking episode. I've read those scripts and you know every line because there's so much big print. You've read the script? Listen, as someone that dabbles in a bit of screenwriting,

Breaking Bad is one of the pivotal scripts that you're supposed to read as a pilot because it's a lot of big print. Do you know what big print is? No, you don't fucking care. I hate this one already. But there's a lot of big print and then everyone goes,

oh, I should write my big print like poetry, which means everyone that has a 30-minute script has like a 60-minute script. But because they do big print, big print is the describing bit. It's like, oh, we've opened on us. Have you done more than just drink tonight? I took my ADHD medication.

And you don't have ADHD? She does now. She means cocaine. We should have made that clear. I've never done the cocaine in my life. So back to my burger. Good call, Nina. There's a narc in the room yeah

and we're the ones playing cops on TV shows but he is a cop in real life ACAB bitch so I get my oh and that's

K K-A-B yeah all cars are bastards yeah that's the nicest thing IP. Yeah. All cars are bastards. Yeah. That's the nicest thing I've been called on this show, to be fair. A-cac. So, thank you.

There was blanket laughing. So, get my large double cheeseburger meal. Yep. Wipe out the sauce. Wipe out the pickle. So, I'm sitting there on a bench and I sort of notice that the seagulls are sort of, you know, I'm the one person there

that's eating or anything. So the seagulls are loosely swarming around me. And then they're getting closer. They think you're a corpse. Wow, this story is just like being gay. It gets better. So... I might have some of that ADHD if I could

to be fair they're laughing at that and it didn't even make any sense we've found their level nonsense it's getting worse they're starting to gather around me I've never had this thing where they started to get so close I was like am I overth had this thing where they started to get so close. I was like, am I overthinking this or are they getting remarkably close?

Are they getting really super close? So then I started getting scared of them just a little bit. But then I was like, I'll just pretend I'm not scared and I'll just sneak off. But how many of them are there? There'd be 30, I reckon. 30? Yeah. 30?

Yeah. So you got ganged up on by a bunch of birds? Yes. In a blind view, by a bunch of birds? Yeah, I got scared of about 30 seagulls. Gang crime in Melbourne is getting out of control. Hey, maybe they're just all fans of the Little Dum Dum Club, am I right? Yeah, exactly.

Well, there's more of them than there are here. 30 birds were in this McDonald's. No, not inside. I was outside. Oh, okay. Where is this McDonald's? I want to go to it. I was outside the McDonald's.

There was not 30 seagulls inside a McDonald's. That's why I was asking. It sounded like the story that someone tells on, like, Show and Tell, like, after the weekend in prep. Like, yeah, and then there were 500 birds in the McDonald's. Both of our girlfriends were at a show and then yeah exactly yeah yeah um wife uh so just i just saw her head into the future when i'm gonna get told off here so so 30 seagulls were like loosely gathered around me and they were getting close and i'm like am i getting super paranoid is this real or i don't

know what so then i went oh just play cool and I'll get up and I'll slowly move away. And when I got up and again I've been through a lot in 24 hours. I got up and as I got up I walked about three steps and a seagull grabbed the double cheeseburger out of my hand. Wow. It actually

happened. A seagull grabbed it out of my hand and then flew about two metres and dropped it and then the 30 seagulls fucking ate it. And people laughed around me. That's your own fault. Seagulls famously hate pickles and tomato sauce. That's your own fault for preparing it just how they like it. I cannot believe that fucking happened.

Yeah. What did you do? Did you just watch them eat it? Yeah, what else can I do? What do you fucking do? What do you do? What did you do? Did you just watch them eat it? Yeah. What else can I do? What do you do? What do I do? You shoo them away! And then, hang on, I shoo them away and then I pick up

a half-eaten double cheeseburger that the seagulls have eaten and then I eat it and go, I won! I beat the birds! Just all fours on the ground. I don't want to look stupid ground I don't want to look stupid I don't want to look beaten I'm going to eat the fucking garbage

You're so pumped by a bunch of birds I paid $3.95 for this Did you buy it at the meal? I really used to work at McDonald's It was actually at least $9.95 I'm very sorry I think it was $10.85 Wow, it's gone up.

Inflation. Did you go back to the desk and say, excuse me, some birds ate my lunch. Can I please have another one? Like when you spill your Coke and you go, oh, can I just get a refill because I did that? And they go, okay. In the birds' defence, Carl,

you shouldn't have been singing this song from Mary Poppins. Be the birds. Pop, Carl, you shouldn't have been singing this song from Mary Poppins. Be the birds. Poppins are back. Wow, she had an older reference than me. Back at Macca's, like, me again, I'd like another large cheeseburger meal and also to suck off the chef again while

I'm here. Can I just say, as someone that's worked at McDonald's, if you said the double cheeseburger got taken by birds, they'd make you another one. Really? You'd get one for free? Really? Well, let's go try it after the show. Let's just walk McDonald's. If you said the double cheeseburger got taken by birds, they'd make you another one. Really? You'd get one for free? Really? Well, let's go try it after the show. Let's just walk in and go, I was in here, what time did you start today?

Oh, at one? I was in here at 12.45. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I got a double cheeseburger that got eaten by seagulls. How do you guys have them down here anyway? I was the guy that came in 15 minutes ago and sucked off the chef. Can I get another double cheeseburger? He's like, you're already

full, bro. That's a full meal you acquainted there. It's a very happy meal. I need to piss. Can I piss? I'm not going to tell a woman what to do with her body. Except for on your turn. Except for on this show. I really have drank all this cider. I am more excited.

Yeah, but while you're here, where does that come out of? Where does this come out of? No, no, no. So it sounds to me genuinely like this cheeseburger experience more traumatic than seeing the dead body. Yes, absolutely. This cheeseburger

experience is more traumatic than seeing the dead body. Now we're talking. That's a furburger. Fuck, it's a funny t-shirt. I wish you guys at home could have been here. I am going to pee. Guys, follow us on the socials at home. We'll upload a picture of the t-shirt.

It'll be like you were here. Hey, I think it's time to... We better wrap this up, right? We got another thing to do after this? Can I piss for 30 seconds? Yeah, okay, go piss for 30 seconds. Okay, you... Take the mic with you. Who is that?

Is she your... In the world of the show, as the cops that you play... Yes. Is she above you? Is she outranks you? Every woman's above me, Tommy. I'm just an ally. Actually, most blokes are below you, though, right?

What do you mean by that? You have sex with them. That's comedy. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba! The birds! The birds! Do you think you're going to be able to go back to Maccas again or has this traumatised you for life? I think it's more the birds that traumatised me than the burgers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really full on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really full on. It was like, they were like, I was, for the next half an hour, I was like, they could have pecked out my eyes. That, fuck, that would have been great. You turning up here, two eye patches, like service dogs. I don't want to talk about it.

You just like bumping into things in the green room, being like, so have you got anything to talk about? And you're like, what happened to you? I was like, I've got something about, remind me if I don't bring it up. I've got something about a double cheeseburger. Is it filling up out there, Tommy? Yeah, yeah, there's like 150 of them there. We fucking sold out of eBay. That's weird because it sounds like there's about

two out there. I was here the whole time. Do you know Tom and I had to go to gun training? Oh, God. Like, do we? No? Okay. Don't worry. We did have to go to gun training. You killed a guy by accident

at gun training? No, we went to gun training And a guy that was like a gun Yeah, we shot a guy who was really fat Yeah, we did It was fucking awesome We were aiming for Carl Candler But we missed But we did

We had to go to the gun training But why? Because we're cops Carl Okay, so you have to look authentic on screen Yeah, and we had to learn how to carry a gun. Wow. So what are your top three tips?

Do I hold a gun? Was the gun training just in preparation for being on this pod? There we go. Yeah, it was. I don't see any guns here. How did the little cartoon video game guy become toxic masculinity? What the hell's been going on in the mainland? It's a pretty direct pathway, honestly.

Super Mario straight into Joe Rogan. 8-bit to 69-bit. Oh, Mario, the princess is in another castle. That'd be fucking right. Stuck up, bitch. Put all this work in. Probably with some fucking athlete. Yeah, no worries. I'll just jump on

some more fucking goombas. Yo, just make best friends with a turtle. Again, that's another sketch for Comedy Inc. 2. Colin the Funny Fellas. We got Ozzie Michael Jackson, we got Encel Mario. Alright, what's my nickname?

This is some funny fellas shit, I reckon. I think Michael Jackson is very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright. I just can't believe they gave us guns, Tom. Did you remember that day? It's the third time you've called back to it, but you've brought no content. Yeah, Nina, come on.

If you're going to call back to something that hasn't worked, it's got to be as funny as... It's got to be at least on the level of the T-shirt that's got a picture of a woman's pussy on it. For God's sake. What happened? Did you shoot someone? Did any funny little hijinks happen? Did you fall over?

We don't know. We don't know. You don't know what happened? We just knew that we had to go to the training. Yeah, we got that four times now. What happened at the training? The guy had a T-shirt that said murder on it. Finally, a t-shirt unfunnier

than fucking Das Leiser. Yeah, that's all t-shirts. You know what? I was going to bring a story, but I don't regret it. Let's wrap this shit up. Did you scale some Jägermeister back there while you were on the tour? I thought we didn't have Milan here, but apparently he's back safe.

Yeah, he's been wiring me money for shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. This is Tom Ballard's leftover cider. Oh, what the fuck? You didn't want it anymore. I never made that clear at any point. Yeah, you did when you picked up the new cider and abandoned the old cider. So anyway, as I said, they're really conscious of COVID safety.

They're really cracking down on the show. Tom and I are in a bubble. Did you check into that cider? Yeah, I did. And it said hello. And it checked me right out. And we thought we needed a third guest. We were going to fly someone down from the mainland.

Why would we? Yeah. We've got locals like this. Locals only, baby. Tasmania zone. Are you guys any chance to live here permanently after this? Thinking about it. Are you?

Fucking amazing. This is seriously fucking so good. What's so good? What's the top five things about living in Tasmania? The beaches. I had to say the beaches, yes. Running along the beaches. All the hills and running up that hill.

I've got one after only two days. The fashion. The boutiques that you can... Saturday mornings only. All the seagulls down at Constitutional... No! No! I have a seagull moment.

Do you know the seagulls in Tasmania are really big? They're really big. They're like this big. Fuck, they could take a whopper out of your hand. I'm not going to get a chondromal tea burger. Like, you don't catch anyone doing this in the bay because of the seagulls.

I think what we all... Do you all want to leave flippers with an uncovered fish? I think what we all want to know is where are you drinking after the show? Where should we all go? Where aren't I drinking? Or whose living room were you hanging out in before the show? I think is the bigger question.

He's dead now, Tommy. We don't talk about it. That seagull, that moment that that seagull got that burger out of your hand and took off with it, fuck, that must be the best moment that any bird has ever had in its life. Like, it just in its head going, I fucking cannot believe that worked. Yeah, it was like Carl Chandler from the Little Dum Dum Club. I've just taken his burger and he's going to talk about me more.

His most precious item. He's going to be in the canon. Yeah, and so, you know what, honestly, I thought, so that happened, the cheeseburger hit the ground, all the other seagulls swarmed onto it. Some people laughed at me, then I started laughing because I was like, fuck, I wish I was you watching this. You're a comedian.

This is good shit. You're a comedian, Carl. You're probably like, thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. I'll go get another double cheeseburger, see what they do next. I was genuinely jealous. Oh, that was some new material. You went to Goliad for four years to learn how to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was genuinely jealous that I could have was some new material. You went to Goliad for four years to learn how to do that. I was genuinely jealous that I could

have laughed at someone else. Something that bad happening to someone else. And then I was like, fuck, you know what? For a second I straight away thought I really hope the bird that grabbed the cheeseburger got something out of it. And the rest of them didn't just, you know. I felt bad for the fucking initiator.

Yeah, I really hope that bird that took the cheeseburger turned that content into art because it's just such a shame for him to inflict this pain upon me without excreting something else beautiful, you know? Yeah. It's doing a live podcast now in the roof at Flinders Street Station.

This fucking wuss walked past and I just took the burger right out of his hand the dream is that that seagull ate that food and then would lay the shit on your

face oh yeah and as you're licking it off you're like it's double cheeseburger and at the

cloaca of Moomin I'm ready to do it I think we need to take a break to just check in with

Nina and to then continue with the entertainment I think we need to take a break to just check in with Nina and to then continue with the entertainment that would be my suggestion there is a random step I'm not as drunk as you think I am to be fair we're on a second stage on top of the already stage

I am at the second stage on top of the already stage. I am at the second stage on top of the already stage. Mentally. I am at the third stage. Possibly. We're in big trouble with Bezos if you do that again. We're in big trouble with Little Japan. Who exists?

Alright, we better wrap this up. We've got more shit to do after this. Folks, give a big round of applause to Tom Ballard and Nina Royava. Thank you very much for listening at home. Thanks for joining us and we'll see you next time. Watch out for the camera. A camera. With a K.

And they've done it again. Oh, they've done it again. They've kicked a big one right to the apple aisle. That is so true. It was a fun show. Fun show down south in the nation of Tasmania. Thanks to Tom Ballard and Nina Oyama. Very funny people.

So very funny Patreon episodes that we recorded straight after this coming out so if you're not a Patreon fan yes get onto that sign up for that and you'll hear

if you thought Nina was drunk then then there are some more episodes to come it's a it's a trilogy of live episodes

no it's more than that we did three bonus live episodes after this one well that's what I mean it's a trilogy of bonuses

three colours Nina I think I'll subtitle it when we start putting it up yes three bonus live episodes after this one. Well, that's what I mean. It's a trilogy of bonuses. Three Colors Nina. I think I'll subtitle it when we start putting it up. Yes. So, yeah, that'll be spread out over a week and a half. So you really,

when you're listening to this, it'll sound to you like Nina's on a bit of a bender. You know, you'll get, after this episode and then those three, they'll have coming up on two weeks

worth of just hearing drunk Nina in your ears. No, she's very funny though. Yeah, look, she was having a good time. We were all having a good time because, like we said, those guys are stuck down there filming a show and haven't had that experience of doing live comedy for quite a while, catching up with some people they haven't seen for a long time, having a bit of a day out.

So we all got excited. It was a bit of fun. Nina at the pub afterwards as i was leaving she goes to me dasolo next time i see you i gotta tell you about how i've got the island madness i'm like well i mean australia itself is just an island still anyway and so it's like you could say that about being on the mainland imagine Imagine that, being up here on the mainland, being like, fuck, mate, this little island's driving me crazy. It probably describes some of her behavior six months ago as well. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, mate, that tropical climate driving you a bit insane down there. Yeah. On this tiny island that's only as big as fucking South America. Going crazy. No, very good form. Very good form from Nina and Timmy Billiards himself. Yep. and it's only as big as fucking South America. Going crazy. No, very good form. Very good form from Nina and Timmy Billiards himself.

Yep. Very fun. Thanks for coming out to see us, Hobart and collected towns around you. Look, you know, the people that didn't come out, you could have done with a few more people there, to be honest. Bit of a downscaling of audience from the last time we were out there. So, you know towns like that people like that come along because otherwise it question it makes us question whether we bother coming back again yeah so um that you know it was nice you guys

not to blame the people who were there obviously you you guys were good but yeah uh you might be listening to this at home and you you know you live near Hobart and you decided not to go. And you're like, third guest would have been nice in that episode. Well, guess what? The reason we didn't have a third guest couldn't justify flying someone. Exactly. Because we didn't have your little fanny on the seat. Exactly.

So, you know, if you're someone like a bit lazy boys, only two guests. Well, you know, the skyrocket only goes so far. Yeah, yeah. No, that's correct. That's correct. And, you know, next time I say so far yeah yeah no that's correct it's correct and you know next time next time i say to you how about tasmania it's like well i don't know is it worth it yeah i don't know so you know look that's applicable to every town around australia yeah when we do live shows so you're all on notice it's not a it's not a given yeah next time i say to you

tell me what about a live show in melbourne you know, should we go there? And then you're like, well, I don't know. I don't know. Are people going to come out? I don't know. You can't justify it. You've got to vote with your fannies,

guys. Yeah. Come out to the live shows. I don't know if there's going to be enough people in there to justify that Mikey cost. Exactly. Down to the European Beer Cafe. It's pretty easy.

It's probably not worth it. Pretty easy to sit out here in Zone 1. There's a lot of work to go into Zone 1. So, yeah. Look. I live outside the free City Circle zone. Yes.

I'm three stops out. Exactly. You know, I'm paying. I'm tapping on. Exactly. It's costing me a bit of money. You're not. Unless I walk a few stops, but fuck that.

Yeah. I mean, you're not living on Spring Street or anything like this where you get it for free. So, you know, we've got costs. We've got travel costs, guys. So, yeah. Just work with us. Work with us a little bit.

You know, we sort of did have an unbilled third guest in this episode. We had Tom Ballard, Nina Oyama, and Jack Daniels. The third guest who kind of silently appeared around the 50-minute mark. Right. Big thank you to Stuart Bell, who helped coordinate the stuff down there in Tasmania, helped secure our venue and greasing the wheels and all that sort of stuff. Very nice of him because he runs his own stuff.

And in Launceston, now, if you – there's plenty of people in Tasmania that do listen to the show. You know, a bunch of them didn't come, but plenty of people listen. Go and see Stu's shows in Launceston. Fresh comedy. Yep. He did the right thing by us he helps us out i'd like to help him out push people his way always gets big headliners and stuff like that down there and launceston i mean look he did say to us originally do the show in

launceston and once we saw the numbers for hobart i was like maybe he was fucking right yeah yeah launceston is weirdly maybe launceston are due we've done two in hobart now and there's always people in launceston that are like Maybe Launceston are due. We've done two in Hobart now, and there's always people in Launceston that are like, come down here, and we're like, fuck, we're getting on a plane. You get on the freeway. Yeah. But maybe next time, maybe we should just do Lonnie. Let's treat it like the Olympics.

Let's go, all right, next time we go, if we make the call, if we think the risk is worth it to go to Tassie again, down the track, maybe we pit those two towns, cities against each other. Who wants to win the bids, like an Olympic bid? And what do they do? It's up to them. They're making the bids.

Okay, alright. Do we put some... So we just videos of all these school kids in Launceston spelling out Tommy and Carl on the school oval with an aerial photography of it. Okay, yeah, yeah. Or maybe they put together a petition,

you know, Launceston goes, here's the people who said they're definitely going to buy tickets. Okay. You know, if we bring the show to Lonnie, all of a sudden,

Lonnie listeners convert their neighbours, convert their family to the show. All of a sudden, we're in there with 500 people at the Launceston Entertainment Centre. Yeah, you know what I want? Sort of Olympic style. I want the promise of new infrastructure being built for this podcast.

Podcasting stadium. It has absolutely zero application after we leave. So the city is just kind of this monument, just this eyesore of people being like, oh, fucking hell yeah yeah a podcasting stadium built just for us and all the existing listeners and their friends and their neighbors and their family yeah yeah uh and they think and they've got that dream of ah we can do podcasts down here all the time yeah no one ever does that again homebush launceston yes let's have that happen so launceston hey look Hobart

I don't know what to say to you Hobart you know I think I've said enough but Lon Seston I'm putting a bit of you know I'm giving you a bit of daylight there

a bit of hope campaign starts now a bit of hope so happy to happy to listen to offers but hey yes

thank you to the people who did come out we're focusing on the wrong thing well I mentioned hey, yes, thank you to the people who did come out. We're focusing on the wrong thing. Well, I mentioned, I mentioned, I said thank you. We had a beautiful room

of people there and you and I got given some gifts by a very nice young man called Nathan. Yes. What did you get? I got CDs.

I got CDs of the Fove's. I got a cord that is a guitar plug on one end and then a usb on the other so you can plug your uh guitar into the computer and then a usb stick with a computer program on it that's like basically it's like the video game guitar hero but you're using your real guitar to play along with it and it's like teaching you the song oh okay fucking cool right do you have really tough yeah it's just there oh okay you got a oh yeah right you got i knew i had you had a bass i didn't know you had a bass and i got the uh the old axe man you got a little all right i'll play wonderwall stop begging you got the drums here so you got a little you know a little band room here. I've got a full studio.

And you've got microphones here, obviously. We're talking into them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do a full band in here. Yeah, yeah. It's crossed my mind. This would be a cool room. It's crossed my mind. This is a new tote.

Get some baffling up on the walls. Just soundproof. Do my singing. I've got some soundproofing. You do. That's right, you do. Bring that in. Still in the child's room?

No, it's... Well, it was soundproofing our stage at the European Beer Cafe when we did live podcast the other week. So that's where that is. And I am pretty positive they're waiting for me to get the fuck out of their venue. Very nice. Along with a lot of other stuff.

But yeah, thank you to Stuart Bell. Launceston, fresh comedy is what they run down there. Once a month. Once a month, they always get big headliners down there, lots of friends of the show, lots of... And to be honest, I think the reason why Stuart is so helpful to us is because early days he would get people like me down to headline and then I would go, this is a great gig.

You should be getting better headliners than me and so then i helped him to do that and then talk myself out of work yes so now really good headliners get to go down there and do it because i reckon i used to think it was between two places that were the best comedy audiences in australia and now i think it's just down to them launceston the comedy shows in launceston, best audiences in Australia maybe. Yeah, right. I haven't done it in a long time but yeah, certainly the times I have done it,

it was fucking awesome. I remember headlining with notes and I'm no one and they were letting me get away with using notes. Absolute murder. Yeah. And I was killing. I'm like, this is too fucking easy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. These guys are fucking insane. Yeah. And all I've heard since since then since i took myself out of work and started getting um tv famous people down there is that it has not changed okay except um they're doing their job and not taking the piss with notes so they're they're killing what an advertisement yeah properly so go check that out yeah but hey if you're uh if you're anywhere else in the world that's not Launceston, and you're looking to spend money on comedy, I'll tell you what you can do. You can get on patreon.com

slash little dum-dum club. Great point. And you can support the little dum-dum club on Patreon. You can get the aforementioned trilogy of live episodes coming up this week, but also a back catalogue of 230-something other episodes yep um and um we just recorded a

couple then and i thought they were rippers yeah just then we did a lot of talking about meribah which is right in the wheelhouse of some people like to hear about my fucked country town home um a lot of fun so um always always fun ones um so get onto that if you get to the end of this episode you know i wish I had some more there is more there is more good shit and not just those old episodes

from episode 1 to 100 where we didn't know what the fuck we were doing you just have to pay a little bit for these ones the early episodes of the Patreons they're a bit embarrassing

start of 2020 what were we thinking we were still working on how to hold the mic. Get onto that. Get onto littledumbdumbclub.com slash Patreon. If that's how it works.

It's the other way around. Whatever it is. Patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Or you can go to our website and hit the link to Patreon. Click the button. Go to our website and you can get merch and stuff like that.

So you can have a squeeze around yeah while you're there but this is a part of the program with an E on the end where we

say thank you very much specifically to some people yeah for getting on board and this could be you yeah

this could be you and for some of you this is you yeah coming right up here we're going to say your names and then you're part of the show forever. No one can take this away from you unless they kill you.

And then it's more they've taken you away from life than what this is. I could edit it out and re-upload the episode. So I have the power to take it away from you. Okay. Only one person can take this away from you. And that's me. Yeah. And that's Tommy.

God, what would have to happen for me? I would like to see. I would like to see that chain of events. What would have to happen for me to be like, all right, I know it's going to affect the number of names that have been read out on the episode, but I've got to do it. If someone just sent you abuse via, I don't know, one of the platforms, would you do it?

Like, heinous abuse. Well... Is it still worth your while to fucking bother cutting a name out of the fucking show? If it was recent, I mean, this also relies on me remembering that it's a name that we've read out at some point. In which case, it would have to be happening, fuck, within maybe 24 hours of recording it. Because it's gone from the brain so quickly so in that in that case then probably yeah i would now that i've put it out publicly that it's a thing i'm happy to do and you seem pretty signed i thought you might go you can't do that but you seem pretty signed off on me just doing it so i wouldn't notice so yeah i

mean i guess you know what i guess i probably would okay that's the ultimate like now they'll be sorry like the most like drop in the ocean that person would not care or notice at all yeah and it also relies on them what going back to re-listen to their name read being like wait where the fuck what maybe them downloading and then hitting up people going, you've got to download this episode. You hear my name. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I downloaded it.

There was no names. I just heard four names and yours wasn't one of them. How many names? What? What? That actually is good because then it makes the person just look insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, unless you're...

Hang on. Did you change your name to Mr. Comedy? Yeah. Because I'm pretty sure I didn't hear your name. Yeah. All right. So, all right. Now we know that.

That's good. That's a good rule of the game. All right. So, all these guys, you better be on your best behavior. Yes. I'm about to list a bunch of people who better not be naughty or they're going to be severely embarrassed once they recommend this show. They might all live in Launceston.

They'll be fucking firing up Audition and getting the fucking scissors out. Yeah. These people might all be Launceston inhabitants, and they might all use this episode to show to people and go, you've got to listen to this show. Not only is it fucking great, and we've got to go to the next live show, but my name's in it. Yeah.

We've got to get the big bit happening. What? Incidentally, when it comes to names being mentioned in things i did i was in a mirror borough uh last week for one night and which we talk about in the patreon episode but uh i looked in my old filing cabinet that we've talked about on the show before yep all the old comic books and mad magazines and things like that. And I picked up a Mad magazine, one of the few ones that wasn't in the plastic bags that I keep them all in, very, very fruitlessly.

Like as if anyone wants a copy of the time that the Australian version of Mad magazine ripped apart Romancing the Stone, the movie. Yeah, you put a video on Instagram where you were saying that. I think they would be worth something. No, not the Australian ones. You don't think so?

Not the Australian ones. I think the American ones, there's a slight chance, but in terms of worth something, at most, $20. You've got a lot of them. Yeah. I think you might be surprised. I think I will. You've got to take them into that shop on,

you've got to take them into the Chapel Street Bazaar and see what they're offering you for them. Man, honestly, the Australian editions are worth fucking nothing yeah okay no one gives a fuck about them yeah that's fair and the old the old american ones i've bought from op shops or whatever when i was a kid okay they're not you know whatever i honestly for someone who i'd love for someone to appraise my collection oh that's, yeah, yeah. If we can get Antiques Roadshow out to Maribor and just go through my filing cabinet. Yeah, that would be real good. Just a bunch of comic books in sandwich bags.

You find out the valuable thing is the filing cabinet itself. Yeah. The lock doesn't even work anymore. Yeah. It fucking has been kicked out of it. Yeah, I think there would be other things in that filing cabinet that were worth more money. Okay.

Definitely. Right. Than the Mad Magazine. But, yeah, so my point being... Where did you get those plastic bags from, by the way, that the magazines are in? That was an interesting detail to me. A little trip down to the city, hit up Comics R Us, go to Minotaur.

No. I need bags, thanks, mate. No, no, no, no, no. The Mad Magazine ones are like, because Mad Magazine is like that weird shape. They're not A3

and they're not A4. They're somewhere in between. Yeah, they're comic book. No, that's not comic book. No, because like Spider-Man and Batman, that's a certain size. That's basically A4.

Yeah, sure. Mad Magazine's bigger than that. Yeah, no, it's bigger than that. But other comics aren't A3 and A4. Is my point. They're like a different measurement as well. Well, Mad Magazine's a magazine. Yeah. It's not than that. Yeah. No, it's bigger than that. But other comics aren't A3 and A4, is my point. They're like a different measurement as well. Well, Mad Magazine's a magazine.

Yeah. It's not a comic. So it's a different size. It's more magazine. So it is some sort of sandwich bag thing. Okay. That's what it is. I don't know why.

It's not one of those really nice plastic ones that are professional comic book bags it's something that I've bought at Woolworths more specifically something my mum has bought at Woolworths that's awesome

so you've just seen them on the shelf and been like this gives me an idea no no no I'm seeing them in the cupboard at home

right and then my mum going two days later I was going to wrap up a piece of ham and we got nothing and I'm like yeah but super special

number 198 is fucking secure yep 40 year old Carl is going to be able to fucking cash in yeah and it's worth ham and we got nothing and i'm like yeah but super special number 198 is fucking secure yep yeah 40 year old carl's gonna be able to fucking cash in yeah and it's worth less than what i paid for at the time um but there was one sitting there out of its bag and it was i must have been showing it probably at the live show in in meriborough that we did that time the one the when they parodyodied Batman, the original Batman.

Yep. Not the original Batman, the Michael Keaton. Yep. First movie. 1989. And I wrote a letter to Matt and they published it. And I just looked at it.

I couldn't read the whole thing because I didn't want to read because I knew it was just a fucking dumb, dumb ass fucking letter written by a 12 year old me. But I did see the very last bit. Like I've done that thing where I've criticized their,

their header for my letter was Oz Critic. Yep. And it was, and then it's just me going, oh, this, it's not as good anymore and oh, the American version's better and what's wrong with this

and what's wrong with that? Just a big fucking sook session just as i'm growing out of mad magazine yeah because i didn't to be honest when that magazine came out i didn't even know i was in it someone else had to tell me hey you got published in mad magazine wow and i'd stop buying them yeah so i had to go back and buy this one. So I've gone, it's the letter, and then ended on a gag. Like, absolute poor choice. Yeah. You can't, because that's the thing.

It's like, as we both know, there have been comedians that have come out of being comedy reviewers. And so their life has been like you know reviewing standard comedy and all of a sudden they do comedy and it's like well this will be good because you seem to know everything about fucking comedy and now you're gonna try comedy i might talk about this on the next step but i had an interaction with someone last night who was like i went to fucking this guy's it was a friend we were with not my show he was like i went to this guy's show and it was fucking yeah i was yelling out i was helping in this show was fucking shit and then he's trying to be funny to

us and it's like you are a fucking punish like you you clearly weren't taking notes at that show because he is so much funnier than you right it's like shut up well this this well this guy is the same guy right in this in this magazine because it's like me going, what about this, what about that? And then, you know, look. Beautiful that they've printed this too. Yeah. And I swear, like,

I reckon I'd written seven, eight letters to them over the years. Okay, yeah, yeah. To go, oh, I love your magazine. Oh, I love it. Oh, this and that. Oh, what about this? What about that? What volume of letters do you reckon

Australian Mad Magazine would have been getting back in the day? I think it was pretty popular. Yeah. But, you know, it's like that second step that you have to take. Like, genuinely, I wonder how many people were like... Yeah. I'd love to talk to someone who worked on it, for sure. But, yeah, I mean, I reckon they were getting enough.

Like, it was pretty popular. Yeah, sure, but it i mean i reckon they were getting enough like it was pretty popular yeah sure but it wouldn't surprise me if it was a thing where you heard like we literally got four letters a month like the ones that were in there were like all the ones that we got minus like two what i liked about it like australian magazine was like a dilution of the of the american one where they'd jam their own local content in that sort of wasn't that good. It didn't quite have the standards of the American version. Even down to like using the same fonts and using the same templates and stuff like that. I would look at it as a kid and go, I'm eight and I still know this sucks.

It's weird, isn't it? You just know. Somehow you just know. Yeah. Even down to the letters pages where if you read the american mad magazine the letters were like you know pretty snappy and they had a point and the editor would say something fun really they would use the letters as a setup and then you'd have a good answer yeah funny answer yeah or something with a bit of visual or whatever mad magazine would just print eight letters no matter what and they all kind of sucked and it was all just like hey i read the magazine and um i liked it um great stuff yep thanks thanks gary yep of back

of smash yep and yeah and then just ones where it's like oh you crazy um guys um i've been reading your magazine for years and still love it anyway if you could just put some more don martin cartoons in that'd be great and if you don't do that that's fine as well anyway um thanks and it's just that over and over and over and over can i meet spy versus spy yeah oh that'd be good that would be good um and and same with mine why print my letter my letter's fucking dog shit and then me just criticizing the humor of the magazine and And then closing on this. Well, that's, I mean, that's why they've printed it. They're like, we'll show this car.

I hope so. I hope so. We'll humiliate him. Yeah. And so, you know, the titular figure of Mad Magazine is... Alfred E. Newman. Yes. The mascot, the masthead on the cover every month.

So I've gone with like ragging the mag. Then I've gone with get to the end. Anyway, blah, blah. And you know the whole thing of like yours truly, Carl Chandler. Yep. Yours in perpetuity, Carl Chandler. Mine was yours until Alfred joins the Harry Krishnas, Carl Chandler. Okay. Forever.ler. Okay.

Forever. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because he's never going to join the Harry Krishnas. Well, just... He's so personality-less. How do you know that for a fact?

Just some sort of like... Sort of sounds like joining the Harry Krishnas would be up his alley as a funny little prank. Yeah, maybe. Just a series of words that sound like they're sort of like a joke. Harry Krishnas is like a good go-to comedy reference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just imagine being those people.

Fuck. I don't really understand who they are at all. Yeah. But I know they shaved their heads and had a big long strip of hair or something and walked around in robes or something. Yeah, yeah. I mean, even if... I mean, look.

No, you can imagine a mad cover that's like a painting of some Harry Krishnas and then Something to walk around in robes or something. Yeah, yeah. I mean, even if... I mean, look. No, you can imagine a mad cover that's like a painting of some Harry Krishnas and then little Alfred's there in the middle. Takes you a while to pick him because he's bald. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But also, I'm like, yours until Alfred joins the Harry Krishnas. I hadn't even... I was still not even collecting that magazine when that magazine came out.

You're already out. I'm like, yours until that happens. No, I was theirs for fucking another two months. Fake fan. And I was gone. Yeah, yeah. It didn't even take the Hare Krishnas to enter the situation for me to be gone. So really bad mistake on all levels.

Fuck. That's great. Anyway. Anyway, look, Patreon. Patreon. This is, well, this is, this is basically, this is your, this is our letters column. Yes. In the way that you're, you know, there's probably people that subscribed, forgot they subscribed, haven't listened to the show in months.

Yeah. And their friend's going to have to be like, hey, your name came up on the pod. Well, it does. Oh, fuck, I've, you know, I've grown out of that. That does happen a bit where people go, I haven't been read out. And then I'll look through the records and go, yeah, you were read out six months ago. And they're like, oh, yeah. I mistook that for me not listening anymore.

Yes. Yeah. All right. Let's get into it. Here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. First gap off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Dean Higazi.

Higazi. H-E-G-A-Z-I. Okay. All right. Dean. The Dean. I don't know whether maybe he's the dean of Higazi University. Oh, he could be.

Crusty old dean. Exactly. He could be. Old man in a tweed jacket. Trying to stop all the... Orgies. No, orgies. What would you say the...

Not slumber parties. What would they have at the university? The frat houses. What would you call them? Oh, like a fucking underpants raid or... Yeah, panty raid. There you go. Pant so i just really just really aged myself there didn't i the underpants raid well what is it the panty raid was to go in and pinch women's underwear i guess so what that was i suppose yeah well i presume while they weren't wearing it wouldn't really

fly these days yeah i mean maybe maybe it could it could. It's pretty harmless, really. Yeah. Like, it seems pretty devoid of any kind of, like, sexual, you know. There'd be people in the mix, definitely, that that's what they're into. But the action in and of itself is just like, yeah, I'm just stealing this garment. Just for the sake. It's the thrill of the steal. Yeah. It does sound like a bit of a seven-year-old trick.

Like, how funny would it be if you didn't have any undies? Yeah. Then you'd be walking around with no undies on that's pretty funny that is funny once you turn once you're off

once you turn 13 or so then it becomes like what are you doing with those undies someone's sniffing them this is us yeah when it's just simply this is funny

you don't have any undies anymore yeah absolutely what an innocent beautiful little funny world that is I like uh I like the name Dean I think maybe because it makes me think of Dean Cain.

Superman slash Ripley's Believe It or Not. Oh, and big Trump fan. Is he really? Yeah, shit cunt. I haven't kept up with that side of him. Have a look on Twitter. Damn. He's no good.

All right. Yeah. He was, I don't know, in hindsight, I don't know what Terry Hatcher saw in him. More like not so Superman. There we go. More like stupid man. His one weakness was not kryptonite.

It was not being a shit cunt. Yeah. No good. Yep. No good. Sorry. Also. Superman actually teaming up with Lex Luthor.

Being like, this guy's cool. Oh, yeah. Big businessman. This is bizarro. I like what he's got to say. Bizarro Superman. I remember, look, I can't confirm this, but I remember he was someone I remember reading about being linked with the great Pamela Anderson.

Maybe after an awards night party, went home together or something like that. Another thing where I was like, yep, Superman, all right, that's pretty good. But now it's like, oh, man. She had bad taste in, I mean, look, I don't know Pamela personally. No. I admit that. But she had pretty rotten taste in blokes, I would say. They all seemed pretty shit.

Yeah, Tommy seems like one of the all-time. Doesn't seem great. Yeah. Dean Cain, not great. That fucking cunt out of Poison doesn't seem great. Yeah. What was it, Bret Michaels? Maybe there are some hidden ones, you know?

Maybe there are some non-famous ones along the way that we just don't know about. I think I know them all. Pretty chill. What was that, Marcus? Daryl in your book, like Steve Buscemi. Yeah, yeah. I think I know them all. They're pretty chill. What's that? Marcus. Daryl in your book. Yeah. Like Steve Buscemi. Yeah, yeah.

Billy Madison. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm putting the lipstick on. Take them all out. Yeah. Yeah. Scott Baio, another fucking crazy right wing fucking. I couldn't believe it when Ripley's Believe It or Not started and Dean Cain was hosting

it. I just thought, I mean, I loved that Superman show. I was like just the right age for it when it was on and like having this kind of like big flashy. I mean, I loved that Superman show. I was like just the right age for it when it was on and like having this kind of like big flashy, I mean, you look back on it now, it's probably like looks like shit. But at the time it was like,

wow, this is cool. It's fucking superhero shit on the TV every week. This is awesome. Just love that show and then being like, why is Superman hosting this show about a fucking old man that can pull a train with his teeth?

It's like, yeah. It's like, why is he doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, what, the shop from the Gold Coast with the fucking infinite tap out the front? Yeah, yeah. Why is he doing this? Yeah. Why is Superman doing this?

Yeah, well, he didn't host it in the Superman outfit, though, did he? Well, I mean, you know, it's him. It's his image. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, Clark. well I mean you know it's him it's his image yeah yeah yeah come on Clark it is I do I remember that

before him or maybe even during him there was that thing that they would put in magazines or on TV where they would go the curse of Superman it's like

yeah because I mean if you play him you're like doomed it's like okay well what's the evidence to support that well look at Christopher Reeve

he got paralysed you know it's like okay what about anyone else well, what's the evidence to support that? Well, look at Christopher Reeve, he got paralysed, you know. It's like, okay, what about anyone else? Well, this guy in the 30s that played him,

he's dead. It's like, yeah, because he was in the 30s. yeah, it's all stacking up. It's now like a hundred years later.

Yeah, that'll happen. The curse of Charlie Chaplin. Yeah. Everyone, everyone who was in those films is dead now. The curse of drinking water.

It was a bit of a long bow, I thought. It was really like... It's like plenty of people have had shit lives after they've had a job. It's not just people... I think it was more like... I like the... People thought there was a Seinfeld curse for a while. It's like, yeah, it just is hard to do other roles

after you've done the biggest thing in the world for a long time. Because people are like, oh, that's the guy from the thing. And it's the same deal. It's such a huge high to come down from. It's like, yes, if you climb Everest, you can't say, well, what's he climbed since then? There's nothing bigger. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can't make up a new mountain. Totally. Of course, the only way to go is down. It's just how you... You could, I mean, yeah, you could climb Everest again, but in a bit, you've got to take a while. You've got to recharge. But also then, you don't want that to happen anyway. No one's going to go, oh, hooray, he's done it again.

They're going to go, oh, he's still doing that. Well, but even as a personal achievement thing, you could do it. Make Seinfeld 2. Yeah. That would be great. New series. Seinfeld 2. Season 1 of Seinfeld 2. Yeah. That would be great. New series. Seinfeld 2. Season 1 of Seinfeld 2.

We've talked about this, but the Seinfeld porno is pretty good. It's got some good gear in it. I've got to watch it. Yeah, watch it. All right. I might put it on the list tonight. First night home after being away for a few nights with my girlfriend. What should we do tonight?

Nice romantic dinner? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can do that. You can choose the meal as long as I get to pick the after dinner entertainment. Well, you can, I think, I'm pretty sure,

because I didn't, I've watched it, but I didn't watch the porno bits. I'm pretty sure there's a video, there's an edit. Oh, like a super cut of just the, just the non bits where you can see it go in.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure you can do that. I mean, I, I would feel like in for a penny, in for a pound. Yeah, sure. If I you can do that. I mean, I would feel like in for a penny, in for a pound. Yeah, sure. If I'm watching it, I want to like...

Because when do you ever do that with porno? When do you ever watch like the full... I was like, if I'm ever going to do it, it's got to be for the Seinfeld one.

I do like the idea that you are... like the porn connoisseur where you're watching it and it's like one of those features that's got maybe five scenes in it

and you're watching it and you're going, not really worth, you know, pulling my dick out quite yet. Like, let's see how this goes. The idea of, like, someone watching it, the non-porno bits, having a good laugh, and then it getting up to a sex scene and going, right, all right, we're on here, boys.

It's time to start jacking off. Like, the idea of, like, watching all of it in the manner that it's intended. You're having a good laugh. You're whacking off. Like the idea of like watching all of it in the manner that it's intended. Yeah. You're having a good laugh. You're whacking off. Yeah. Then you're putting the dick away.

Yeah. You're watching the gag scenes again. You're like, oh, fuck. That's come around quick. All right. Dax off yet again. Yeah, yeah. Just a slave to it.

Laughing with a hard dick in your hand is an interesting image. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's tissues everywhere. Just the blood inside you confused as fuck. Where am I going here? Fuck, mate. These pretzels are making me thirsty. Thanks, Dean.

Thanks, Dean. Higazi. Higazi. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tyra Smith-McLaughlin. Good lord. Yeah. That's a fucking lot going on there double barrel

you know what I reckon just lose the Smith Tyra McLaughlin it's like you got a Smith in there it's like the most kind of you know

generic name in the world but you know Smith's the one that she's she was Tyra Smith at some stage and then she's become Tyra Smith

McLaughlin I don't know it's hard to just take the you know she's obviously too attached Tyra McLaughlin although Tyra Smith-McLaughlin. I don't know. It's hard to... Just take the... She's obviously too attached. Tyra McLaughlin. Although Tyra Smith, weirdly enough, yeah, that's a hot name.

Yeah, that's... Tyra McLaughlin? Yeah, I agree. Book club alert. Yeah. Stick with Tyra Smith. She could have starred in Seinfeld. Absolutely.

I was thinking... Parody. Yeah, yeah. I didn't... You never... It never feels very becoming to be like, fuck, and this chick could be in a porno. Yeah.

When all you've heard is the name. The name. But that was the first thing that entered my head. And also, it is, it does speak to the power of the first name Tyra when you go, she could be in a porno when her last name's Smith. The most generic name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the Western world.

There's something about it. Speaking of the Seinfeld porno, I've got that Seinfeld Lego there. I'd love a Seinfeld porno Lego where it's just like basically the same, but all the little figures are nude. Maybe there's like a bit of cum stains on the couch or something like that. There are some characters in the Seinfeld porno that aren't in Seinfeld. Jerry's got like a new girlfriend kind of thing. Yeah.

He's got a girlfriend that just gets really horny over absolutely everything for no reason. And I think he dumped her because of that. Honestly, that could be in the actual show. That's not a million miles away. If they had gone another maybe two or three seasons, something like that would have found its way into the mix. Like if it was still on now, can you imagine that show if it was just like The Simpsons and they just like refused to give it up? Yeah.

They're just still making it now. And I know it's like a joke of like modern Seinfeld, but I mean more in the sense of like just running out of like weird, weird idiosyncratic personality things for Jerry to have been dating. Yeah. She only ever eats melons. Yeah. There you go. There's half an hour.

It is... Yeah, what does she do? I think she ends up having sex with a soup Nazi or something like that. Yeah, I think that's what it was. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The soup Nazi or the... Is it the soup?

No, you know what it is? You know what happens? The soup Nazi starts working in a video shop. Great. And he works in a porno video shop. Okay, great. No porn for you? Yes.

Yeah. All the same, you've got to order in the exact right way. Yeah, yeah, all that sort of deal, of course. course but yeah the the like i said i quite liked it there's funny lines in there and i was going to say to you what a dream job imagine getting to punch up a porno yeah that'd be fucking great like i talked the other week about having one of my jokes on the side of a brothel yeah this would be just as good as do you think if you're like making that porno and you and you're like all right, this will be funny. We'll bring the soup Nazi back.

Do you reckon there's discussions like, what if we try and get the actual guy in it? Just hit him up. What if we try and get the actual guy? Oh, in the porno. Let's hit him up. Yeah.

Like any like supporting casting when you're making a parody thing, it's like, guys, he's probably going to say no, but it's worth sending the email. Surely. I mean, imagine if this comes off. I wonder if there's anyone

who has appeared in both an original and a porn parody. That's great trivia. Yeah. That's a great trivia question. Yeah. Yeah, so he plays a... He runs a porno shop. Mm-hmm.

And I believe the conceit of the situation is this, that it's like the soup kitchen. Mm-hmm. But he gets the best pornos in there. So people are like... Of course. People cop it. Busting to get in there and get the best pornos, which is a very odd idea because it's like

they're not fucking one-off pornos that have been brought in there or anything like that. You know, the world of porno, it's like, you're not printing one copy of a movie. No, but he's got an exclusivity deal. I buy it if he's that good. But it's something like that where it's like,

well maybe, at the very least, I think it was like, they got them first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then people are coming in and going, oh my God,

I just can't, it did annoy me a little bit, the idea that there's a world where there's all these people going, oh, this shop gets these pornos in five days earlier than the rest of the... It's just so awesome to be, I'm actually in the plot of the Seinfeld porno. Things that were wrong with the plot of the Seinfeld porno.

A thread, 1 slash 47. Yes. Well, you know, I'm sitting there, I'm supposed to be coming and I'm going I'm not gonna do that I've got this weird thing where my dick can't get hard if it detects a plot hole exactly

yeah you know I'm looking for holes not plot holes yeah yeah you would think it would turn me on if anything oh fuck that's huge but no I want it to be tight

yeah yeah I want this plot to be fucking exactly taut exactly so um anyway look

look you watch it. You decide yourself. Okay. All right. Yep. Anyway. Thanks, Tyra.

Thanks, Tyra Smith McLaughlin or Tyra Smith. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Kevin Ellis. Kevin bloody Ellis. All right. Yeah, you agree. All right.

Yeah, you agree? All right. It's all right. It's fine. I just had to run a check on it. I was like, I've heard this name before, but I ran the check and the check is complete. We haven't read this name out. It just feels like a name we should have read out before.

I don't know. I don't know about this one. It sounds like a real, I mean, look, you could say this about all the names we've read out, but this sounds like a podcast listener. I, believe it or not, was going to say the exact opposite. Really? I was going to say that this sounds like a man who doesn't even know how to get them. Oh, really?

I'm picturing old, like, grey beard. Okay. I'm picturing, like, lives, like, middle of Tasmania. Like, one of those people who Didn't come to our Hobart show Didn't come to our Hobart Didn't come to our Hobart show Because he's like on the direct opposite

Like he's deep You know Doesn't even have phone reception Where he lives He's one of those guys that That yeah Lives Big fat guy

Big fat beard So ironically looks exactly like a podcast listener Yep But doesn't have access to it. Great, yeah. Oh, I didn't tell you this. So the next day after the podcast, I did my solo show. And then the day after that, me and my girlfriend went and stayed in like a little Airbnb, like an hour out of Hobart.

Like pretty remote in our phone reception. And so, yeah, we drove an hour and a bit out of Hobart to a place called Able Bay. And then we dropped the car, check in and everything. And we'd been through a small town on the way there. And there was like nothing near where we were staying. So, we were like, all right, well, let's drive back to that town and get groceries and stuff for dinner tonight. So, we drive. It's like 15 minutes back.

The town's called Signet. And we're walking along. it and we're walking along and all of a sudden so we talked about how tom ballard and nina yama down in hobart to film a show called deadlock that's going to be on amazon um walking down the street and just all of a sudden i go oh they're filming the show oh like across the street from where we were in this like little town an hour out of hobart and i just got so stressed about the idea that someone we know who was like over there working on it would see me and it would come across to them like i was just there going hi guys uh do you need any extras like i'm available i could be in the show and like i'm with my girlfriend like let's cross let's cross the road she's like i've never seen

you like that i've never seen you so like bashful and ashamed and like stressed and like we were gonna go to this cafe but we had to we were gonna have to like walk through the scene of where they were filming because they were set up right out front and i was like let's go to that other cafe instead that's like up the road away from them she's like nah that one looks shit we're going here i'm like i really don't want to go anywhere near this this is fucking mortifying. That is a cute little alibi you have for following the production around, Tommy. We get it.

They said no to you. You couldn't let it go. Oh, God. And then we get up the next morning and they're there again. It's like when we're getting our coffee in the morning. It's like, fuck me. This is a nightmare. Yeah.

Hating it. This is the point in the show where your girlfriend cuts back to all these little bits and goes, oh, that's right. There was that point we were on the highway and we were supposed to go this way and all of a sudden there was a car in front of us with the personalised number plates, TV show, and it turned off the highway and Tommy then went, let's take a left here. Yeah, yeah. Why don't we just go this way?

I think there's a nice little town coming up here. You know what's funny is there's such a thing in in like people making shows it's like yeah mate go down tasmania and film it it's like uh it's set in a small town and you get all this beautiful quaint stuff on film it's like oh fuck it's cool but then being there and kind of like watching them in this like a town that's like you know fucking a block it's so small like the the row of shops and like them having to like stop traffic for you know to film a scene i was like i bet the locals fucking hate this like they've just copped it for five years or whatever with rosehaven it's like stop fucking coming down here like we moved here to get away from all this shit fuck off and leave us alone

it's like locals walking down the street to get their bread and being told um you're gonna have to wait here for a second because they're doing a take it's like fuck off i was there was there was some little roadblock today that cut off one street where i had to drive a block around and i was immediately like whatever's happening here i hate it yeah and that's in a big city where you come to expect inconvenience at all hours of the day. It's annoying even when it's like, ah, well, fair enough. Where are they meant to film the TV shows?

But yeah, God. So yeah, maybe when deadlock goes to air, fuck, maybe you will be able to see the back of my little head crossing the street. Oh, that'd be good. Sweating. That'd be good. Well, thanks, Kevin Ellis,

the perfect-sounding podcast listener or perfect-sounding not-podcast listener. I reckon Signet Local. Probably works at the Butchers there, I reckon. Okay. All right. Well, Kevin, if you could come down to... Well, look, I'd like to hear your vote

between Hobart and Launceston, which one we should go to. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Tiffany Pitcher. Pitcher? Yep. Okay. Is this our first ever listener called Tiffany? Could that be a thing?

Ooh. I reckon it. Quite possibly. Massive chance. Tiffany Hall was on the show once. Yes. So she was listening to it as she was on it. But outside of that.

Yes. Did you see Cavalier's fucking rig? I certainly did. On the cover of Men's Health. I certainly did. I thought this would be... It came in the mailbox this morning. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice. Your early access. Yes. The little sticker in the newsagent. Direct air freight from the USA. I thought it would be funny. I didn't do this, but I just thought this would be like a funny thing to do, to comment and go, where's the after photo?

Yeah. That would be a good way of fucking sending someone over the edge. I did see it just before I got here, and I thought, I might just do a little funny comment, and then went, I don't have it in me in about 10 seconds. I really have to think of something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we could workshop one now.

Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yes, he's got his shirt off. He's on the front cover of a fitness thing, and he's a bit of a, not a secret bodybuilder, but't make a big big deal of it but he's fucking a tank he doesn't talk about it you can definitely tell just to look at him by like how he's built even covered up but yeah getting it getting a fucking good old squeeze at what's going on underneath the um fred perry fred perry slash n. I've only ever seen him in basically active wear. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Tiffany. That's where that came from. Tiff. I reckon it's our first Tiffany listener. I'm going to look in our Facebook group right now called People Aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club, and I'm going to do a search of Tiffany.

Find other Tiffany's. Well, look, it's not a comprehensive answer. And this is Tiffany with an A? Yes. Okay. Well, Tiffany pictures in there, this one. She lives in, I believe, she lives in Perth. So she may be seeing us.

You know what? Now I'm going to do this. I'm going, oh, fuck, no, I can't do that. I was going to say, I'm going to look up whether she's got a ticket to the Perth podcast in July, but we do not have control of the tickets. Thank God, honestly. It was very handy that the things that had been delayed the most were the ticketing things

that we were not running. Yeah. The Athenaeum and the Rosemount. Yeah. So we weren't having to be the ones to field the uh refund requests and things of that nature yeah that's someone else's problem uh what i am enjoying is i've now been getting those updates for 18 months or whatever on how many tickets we've sold but also i don't know if you're the same are you still getting we're still getting the athenaeum ones every morning yeah the

500 how does when like if it hasn't stopped now, it's actually kind of funny to me. I've been meaning to message you about it. It's kind of funny to me now that it's been... What? So, what's the date today? When did we do it? The... It's been a month.

No, but I mean, since we did the show. Right. Since it would be reasonable to assume... I think it would be reasonable to assume that the reports should stop not the day after the show, because you want to see what you sold at the very last minute. Yeah. Two days after the show. They want to see what you sold at the very last minute yeah two days after the show they should be done yeah so april the 4th so we're

now a month in and we're still getting them and at this point it's tempting to me to just never say anything about it to see could we hit a year could we hit a year after the gig and still be getting ticketing updates well we could certainly once gets, we'd only have to wait until about, what, September or something like that to be getting that email once a day for three years straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I am, I kind of really want to leave it now. It's like no one's thought to, like, deactivate the automated thing.

But, guys, honestly, I don't know what's happened, but not a lot of you buying tickets in the last month get off your fucking asses and buy a ticket to the 500 600 episode a month ago it's gonna be great i don't need to get updates i've got the money they sent me the money right yeah i don't know exactly what's going on there um but uh tiffany yeah that's look that's that's the only tiffany there um i hope you're coming to to perth to the perth show in july whatever the fuck that is again actually let's i should just i should just give a little plug for that because it's literally the only live show that we have at the moment coming up that's uh july the 16th and I just got the daily email that says you have 25 tickets left. Oh, well, there you go.

Yeah. So, yep, that's how many tickets left. I did get a – I've been getting – I've got two text messages in the last couple of weeks that were just people from Perth saying, I just bought a ticket to your Perth show. I'm going, is this my new notification now? Am I just getting these via text messages instead of emails now? Yeah.

Yep. So anyway, that's going to be fun. But Tiffany Pitcher, massive. If you're on notice, if you're not coming, if you're not coming to that,

I'll tell you what, here's the deal. If you're not coming to that, you better be coming to the Launceston or Hobart show. Yeah, yeah. Okay. One or the other.

That's a big flight. One or the other. Well, that's what i'm trying to say to her make it your choice yeah it's your choice make it easy she's gonna be putting in a bid for our next tasmanian show to be happening in perth to go to perth get a freemantle or something yeah it is very funny that like i kept having to correct myself when i would like plug the Hobart stuff. It's so tempting to just go, and then I'm doing a show in Tasmania. But it's like you don't do that anywhere else. You're not like, come on, WA, I'm heading over there. Well, yeah, look, you do a little bit because, I mean, where else are you going in WA? Or where else are you going in Queensland?

Or where else are you going in South Australia? We all know where you're going. We know where you're going, true, but you would just, it's like, no, you're naming the city because you're going to the city. Yeah. But Hobart, but Tasmanian people don't think of it as like, Hobart's like the only place you'd come. As we know, it's like, why are you coming to Launceston? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.

Shout out to fucking, the bakeries in Tasmania. I don't think I've ever gone to one and walked out thinking, this is anything below an 8 out of 10. I didn't go to any while I was there. Tell you what I ate a lot of while I was in, or twice I ate it, but I think it's the only two times I've ever had it in my life. Wallaby. Oh, never had it.

Had a wallaby pasta and then had a wallaby burrito. Was it just coincidental or did you really enjoy that wallaby pasta so much that you doubled up? Wallaby pasta was good and then after I ran into you at the markets, there was like a Mexican place that did a wallaby burrito and I was like, you know what?

Didn't, could go a burrito. Didn't, you know, wouldn't be, well, it was fine in the pasta. It's not like I would be begging to have wallaby again. But that was the option. That was all it was. And I was like, yeah, you know what? I'm just going to live it up.

People down here seem to be mad for eating their wallaby. I'm just going to eat as much wallaby as I can. Get stuck in. Well, thanks, Tiffany Pitcher. Thanks, Pitch. See you in Perth or Launceston. Thanks, Pitcho. Let's just do one more.

Yep. Thank you very much, too. Oh, okay. That's you in Perth or Launceston. Thanks, Pitcho. Let's just do one more. Yep. Thank you very much too. Oh, okay. That's interesting. I guess things come in threes. Thank you very much too. Wallaby Comedy. Oh, Wallaby Comedy.

Yummy. That's a yummy name. Yeah, you like that. I'd like to wrap my laughing gear around that. I've got something you can wrap your laughing gear around.

Oh, yeah. What's that? Thanks to everyone who subscribes on Patreon. Thanks for everyone that came to the Hobart show. Thanks to everyone that will and have bought tickets to the Perth show on whatever the fuck date I said.

Snap up those remaining 25 or whatever it was on July 16. Sign up. We say this a lot, but sign up to Patreon. Fucking why not? This is the point where sometimes you can hear this as wallpaper, but I'm talking to you, cunt, the one that has always thought about doing it and then hasn't actually done it.

Just fucking do it. It's real easy. It's time. Yeah. It's cheap. You get so much content for it. I, you know, we just recorded some stuff

and I have to stop myself from saying this, but we just recorded a couple then where I was like, well, this is a fucking waste. We should have put this on the normal episode. Then I thought, no, it's not a waste because it's going to people

that are generous enough to donate yeah we should have absolutely tanked this Hobart show and then just done a good Patreon one which we did anyway

which we did as well so check all that out littledumbdumbclub.com thanks very much for listening guys and we'll see you next time see you mates