The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 606 - Mick Molloy & Adam Rozenbachs

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

This week we’re joined by MICK MOLLY for (as far as he’s concerned) the first time, alongside ADAM ROZENBACHS! We probe Mick about paving the way for comedians’ breakfast radio contracts before hearing all about his travel exploits in Bali and beyond. We also go deep on small-town sandwiches, the greatest radio promotions of all time, the restaurant tram PLUS Tommy's at war with his neighbours and Karl’s planning a boys weekend with an ulterior motive!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Mick Malloy and Adam Rosenbachs. If you are in Brisbane and you're listening to this hot off the presses, come and see my show. Turtle Island at the Brisbane Powerhouse. I'm there until May the 22nd. Also, the Little Dum Dum Club is on Patreon. We never really plug that up the top of the show, but get onto patreon.com slash littledumdumclub. Get yourself two bonus episodes every week. We are going to be back at the end of the episode to talk to you more in Talking Dum Dum. But until then, enjoy this new one. Mick Molloy and Adam Rosenbach.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and with me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good to see you, Ken. Joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Mick Malloy and Adam Rosenberg.

Yes. Yes. I'm confused. You said back onto the show. Have I done this? Have I? We did an interview on Triple M with you at the start of 2020 to plug the 500th episode, and your intro to the interview

was looking at the fact sheet of who'd been on, and you went, now, some great people have been on. When are you going to ask me on? And we both went, you've been on. You've been on in the studio next to the one we were in. Was I good? Yeah, you were good. Well, why did it take you so long to invite me back?

You know what? I'm going to pull up the photo. It's like one of the very first pictures on this phone. Oh, wow. It's like iPhone 1.0. It must be one of the first pictures I took. It's in sepia tone? Yeah.

Carl's thumb is just scrolling. I know, man. iCloud's working overtime on this one. When did you get your first mobile, Mickey? Oh, gosh. Late 2000s? Definitely late 2000s. No, I'll tell you when I got it.

So my boys are now nine. Yep. Came free with them. Can we hold this up? Can we hold this up? They're in a car out the front. But I thought, it was the first time ever I went,

oh, jeez, if I need to be contacted, I probably should be contacted. So I got the phone because of Fred and what's the other one's name? Lenny. So if you'd never had children, you'd still be completely off the grid. I would, but there's something about getting off the reservation which I kind of like. It's like being in a witness protection scheme or something.

Because you used to have to call a pub to get a hold of Mickey. Oh, wow. So you'd call the All Nations and if you were there, you'd take the call and otherwise it'd be like... Backpackers? Yeah, it'd come in... No, the one in Richmond. But I'll tell you what happened when I knew it had gone too far.

When my mail started being delivered to the All Nations. Oh, dream. It's true. I would go in, order two beers and then they would hand me some mail. A summons. The best of that ever, though, was Bill Hunter, who, and Bill Hunter's... Great Australian actor.

And one of the great father figure of my life. One of the great Australians. Yep. Thorough gentleman. And he, like me, had a penchant for the front bar, and his agent used to ring me, because he didn't have a phone either and so his agent would ring me going, I need to track down Bill.

Is he with you? I go, no, but I would try the All Nations, the London Tablet or the Vine. And invariably, through the Bush Telegraph, he would be located. I thought he was ringing you at one pub to find out if he was at that pub or another pub because you didn't have a phone at that pub. Well, not at that.

I did by the time. No, I didn't. So I don't know how he would have got me. Probably my agent. I love that. Like, you know, now people will have on their poster, they'll have like the Twitter icon and the Instagram icon. It's like, here's where you can track me down after gigs

if you want to follow me. Just putting the pubs you frequent on your flyer like, here's where to find me, guys. Do you know what? Any memories of that, Mick? There we go. There's photographic evidence right there that you have been with me and Tommy before.

I can date that. That's three chins ago. That is three. Look at that good-looking young man. I've gone fully bald since that last time you were on. Also, I've been scrolling through that, and there's some – I don't know if you've ever had this when you, like, update your iPhone and you plug it into your computer to save your pictures or whatever,

and it makes multiple pictures of, like, one picture for some reason. Have you ever had that? So just before I got to that pic with Mick, this is what I scrolled through. A couple of dozen pictures of Tommy Dasol. All identical. All identical. All identical. That looks like, what was his name, the artist? Andy Warhol.

We should give you the Warhol treatment. Yeah, I like it. I like it a lot. Instead of tomato soup, it's just one open mic. In the future, everyone will be a dumb cunt for 15 minutes. So I reckon the first time you did it was probably back in the day when you were doing Brekkie Radio. So imagine your memory of that time.

It's just a haze. Brekkie Radio's blur, I reckon. Because we were talking the other day, you're a night-time person, so you normally go to bed like 2, 3 o'clock. Slightly nocturnal. So Brekkie Radio was like the hugest change in the world for someone like you. So if you're going to bed at 3 o'clock, that means you have to get up ideally at 4 o'clock, doesn't it? nocturnal. So Brekkie Radio was like the hugest change in the world for someone like you. So if you're going

to bed at 3 o'clock that means you have to get up ideally at 4 o'clock doesn't it? Yeah you'd think so wouldn't you? Da Vinci only

slept an hour a day you know? Well that's when I negotiated what has now become the standard contract for comedians performing

in Breakfast Radio. Well some call it the pang but it's not the pang is it? It not the pang, is it? It's the law. Well, pang, yeah. So I was the Rosa Parks. Brave.

Slooping up the back of the bed. I was the one who said no. Enough is enough. So I pioneered the two hours, so the seven to nine, and also the days off. The mental health days. The mental health days. The roster days off. The mental health days. The mental health days.

The roster days off. And I had up to five a year. He then took it next level. He did go. I think he's got about ten. Mick walked so that pain could run kind of thing. I should be a fucking statue of me out in front of Nova and Triple M. Every comedian should come along and salute at once in the morning. I'm waiting to see where it ends up.

Just like in 10 years, there's a comedian who's like, yeah, mate, get in there at 8.45, 15 minutes. It's all thanks to Mick. I've got to do two jokes and that's it. In world football, there's the Bosman ruling because of the guy that once you're out of contract, you can now free transfer between clubs. This is the Mickey rule.

There it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was a game changer for me and by necessity too because I just said I'm not going to go up at – well, I'm not going to go up at five to do six. See that shift work? If you get up at six, you're just getting up early or in my case, getting home early.

So you can then go on and do it. But see, you can get up at six, get in there at seven, and punch out two hours. Also, three hours is a lot.

At that time of morning, not a lot changes from the six o'clock hour to

eight. And also, do you really, you know, how much time have you got

for people that are listening to the radio between six and seven? Do you really want

to talk to those people? I don't feel I need to entertain them. They've made their own choices in life. This is what I've always been fascinated by with that rule.

Do you ever feel like when you go in, the people that you're on the show with, they've already been in there plugging away for an hour. Is there ever an attitude of like, here he is. Well, well, well. Does that breed any kind of like... No, the cavalry's arrived. Thank God. an attitude of like here he is well well well does that breed any kind of like contempt no the cavalry's

arrived thank god they're almost they've been taken out in stretches very good my lord seriously let's be honest if you're not

a comedian you're doing fuck all you're literally reading out the odd spot from the paper there's a lot of big hello to Luke

Darcy if you're out there he just used to rename the odd spot there's a lot of quizzes between six and. There's a lot of quizzes. Big hello to Luke Darcy if you're out there. He just used to rename the Odd Spot. There's a lot of quizzes between 6 and 7. There's a lot of quizzes. A lot of lists. Top fives. Fair bit of talk back if anyone will bother to ring.

One hour, but it feels like about four. They are sweating at 7am when you get in. Mate, they're thankful that you're there. And also, you were the game changer for Drive as well, four till six. It used to be like three till six or four till seven, and you and Tony came in and went, that's it. That's it, boy.

We've been at it a long time. I like how you're being treated as Edison when it's really your idea is, how about I do less? I love radio. Sounds like you're trying to dismantle it from the inside. Edison's new invention is half a light bulb. Marconi should have said when he invented radio, and don't go too hard, boys.

But I always think comedians do, and it's a rod for our own back, but we, in the other form of entertainment, people go, get up and just tell your stories, or in the case of music, I know this is a well-worn anecdote, but play your favourite songs, which is the opposite of a comedian, which is, mate, do some original.

Right. So we've over years made a rod for our own back. We do work harder than anyone, or put it in radio, out of the three blokes or four blokes or girls and boys in that room, you're pedalling harder than anyone else. Yeah. Because it's a furnace that needs a lot of fuel. So I don't fear, as much as we have a laugh about it,

everyone can go fuck themselves. Hey, you're carrying this pod so far. We're not arguing. I can't wait for you on the front bar to just be lobbying the AFL. It's like, let's knock out the fourth quarter. Let's just make this game a little shorter. We're just bringing this up because we were worried you were going to turn up 20 minutes into this podcast and do the equivalent.

Well, I'll tell you, Pang, that's how serious he is. He goes missing after Seg 4 on the front bar. He literally could read a book for the last two breaks and it would make no tangible difference. It is annoying someone like a Sam Pang who's so popular with people, so beloved that it's like he does that and people go, ah, classic Pang. It's like, no, if it was me, it'd be like, you lazy cunt.

And rightly so. I think that pendulum's staying to shift, though. People are working out he's not that likeable. He's great. Do you know what it is? There's something going on there. It's like there'll be a Will Smith moment For Sam Pang

Where everyone goes Wow A Tiger Woods moment Where you go Wow everyone loves him He's so great He's such a strong role model But you and I know

Something shady is going to happen Those prescription meds Are going to bring him under You can see it coming Also there must be something In the water in Australia That's like hypnotised Everyone about Sam Pang

Because we've got You know overseas listeners And we had him on this show About a year or two ago Or whatever And we're like Oh finally we've got Sam Pang on the show

And then people from overseas Are like What's the big fucking deal On this guy I don't know It's hard to explain It seemed like he didn't Want to be there

You're right He's like you know It's a very known thing That he's very protective Of his private life He won't really talk about His private life on the radio And you've got to ask Why not What's going on When you're in an open marriage No, it's a very known thing that he's very protective of his private life. He won't really talk about his private life on the radio.

And you've got to ask, why not? What's going on? When you're in an open marriage, I think that is the type of thing you need. You're very private. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On the swing of circuit. You just want to... You know what? Your world's colliding.

Well, it was great to get you in. Finally, your white whale. We've been trying to get you in ever since you... How dare you! It's nasty. How'd you go to the Dumb Dumb Club? He fucking called me

a white whale. No! He tried to harpoon me. One of the great figures of literature is what we mean. You can't say that stuff anymore, Carl.

That's their word. No, but like, you know, there's obviously deals when you get big names in on the show. What we were told as the deal hammered out here today was that you were arriving thanks to your brother was dropping you off. That's right.

And so the deal is now after this show that I have to drop you home. That would be good. What time does mum want you home today? I think we could probably stop at six pubs on the way. Right, right. Still get home in time. Right, all nations. The other all nations.

Do you know what I always said I could do I can navigate people anywhere here in Melbourne based on pubs

right yeah you go to the Lord Dudley you turn right turn right at the railway you go past the Rising Sun

and you just go that's what you know what Dave O'Neill does of course the way he figures out people is where they live and then he goes then he can Dave O'Neill does of course the way he figures out people is

where they live and then he goes then he can name the nightclub that you would have gone to when you were 18 and what private

school was in the area or whatever whether you're public or private school boys so that's all he knows he knows all of that what was your

nightclub 21st century dance club Frankston where I worked on the door I did so you were a bouncer or just kind of I was a doorman so if there was a fight they'd all club? 21st century dance club, Frankston, where I worked on the door. So you were a bouncer or just kind of... I was a doorman.

So if there was a fight, they'd all target me. Because I was clearly... When I say if there was a fight, I mean when there was a fight. The first one would be about 7 o'clock, which is generally early for drunken behaviour. A doorman, you're in like tails and a top hat, like down at Frankston? Mate, I

just used to, I had to wear a tie. Oh, really? Which was handy because the magistrate's court was across the road. Fuck, I would have thought a tie for someone working at the front door is not, like it's just a handle. It's like a target. It's a target, yes. It comes in handy. That's funny you say that because I just went back to

my hometown the other day, Mariborough. So we, I went past my parents used to own a lot of different businesses. Not all at once, but just would shift from one to one. They paid the bills. Sure. They were laundering. No, it was all above board. Yeah, I mean, they're not going on the run just like two shops down.

On the small town. On the small town. Time to flee. No, no, I've left Target. No one will look for me in Fosse's. When you say that it's home for you, I thought home for you may have been Phuket or Thailand because every time you post, every time you present public,

you're somewhere in the Asian... Southeast Asia. Southeast Asia. What's going on? Look, I do have a big hankering for it. Last time when we were on your radio show, we were there plugging... Oh, no, fuck, we weren't plugging that. We were talking about the Koh Samui International Podcast.

The Koh Samui International Podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I thought would be right up your alley. What's the deal? What is it? Well, we did three years of it. We did three years of it. We somehow got away with basically me going on holiday and then reverse engineering the rest of it. Yeah.

Making an excuse to bring 200 people over. It's like a podcast fire festival. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, except it wasn't. It was more successful than that one. And we didn't even have to have any jennies or anything. A fire festival.

That's good. So every year? Three years in a row. Wow. Three years in a row. So that ended with, what was it, 80,

no, 80. Could have invited me to that one. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is a rare opportunity to sit in a shared household lounge room.

But, I mean, Casey, where were you from? Yeah. Well, look, you know what? You know what?

Okay, well, how about this? Right, so, we haven't done it since we did it 2017, 2018, 2019. Is that right? Yeah, 19 was the last one.

Pretty sure we didn't do it in 2020. Something came up. But now that we're all safe, COVID's gone forever, obviously, whatever. I've got a little thing coming up in a couple of weeks where we've talked about it on the show recently. It's not the Coastal Movie International podcast. Where there's podcasts going on. What it is,

is the 2020 Dum Dum Con. So it's the first fan festival of the little Dum Dum Club. So where's that? So that's in Coastal Mooray. And so people are invited to that. There's no live shows or anything. When's that? There is a Q&A

with one of the co-hosts of the show. Okay. It's me. You're the Rosa Parks. Oh, a Parks podcast I reckon hang on so you've got you're going to go there

but you're not even going to put on a show you're just going to answer a few questions it's an unofficial bootleg fan event it's just for the fans can I come

absolutely I'll only fly business you're good like that well it's a business trip we're all riding this off, aren't we? That's fair. And I've said on the show leading up, I announced it two weeks ago, I think it was, and I said, confirmed six to eight people.

I can say right now, we've got double figures. We've got double figures coming. So it's bubbling along very nicely at the moment. And when is it? That is June 18, or whenever suits the people who are there. It's a post-it note on the calendar. Literally one person

hit me up to say I can't make it until the 19th. So 19th could be a chance. It's a flexible. Due to popular demand. Second show. Well, if you got told

10% of the festival could make it. Due to popular demand second question asked. They'll get mad. So basically you're holding a press conference in case the moment Do the popular demand second question ask. Can I get mad? Yeah, yeah. So basically you're holding a press conference. Yeah, yeah.

In case of movie. Yeah, look, you can be on Zoom if you like. You know, we can have some guests on Zoom. We're going to do that. I'm going to read from the joke book I put out on Penguin Books on 2011. It's going to be a big day. You're not over-promising. Yeah.

I'll answer some questions and read from a joke book. Yeah. Yeah, he's fiercely negotiating. Well, so that's, look, that's a big, that's obviously the big deal. It's coming up in four weeks and whatever, and my wife's going to, might be there as well. Like, so there could be 11 to 12 people there.

It's going to be great. You've got to have her for once. Well, yeah, she is coming, yeah. She's got to be taking part in the Q&A. Oh, yeah, no, I don't think I want anyone asking questions of her, to be honest. I don't think so. I interrupted anyway.

So Maryborough, that's your hometown. Yes. So what do you say your parents have done? Oh, they owned a cafe, a coffee shop. And it just reminded me of that when you said that about the 21st Century Nightclub. They started a cafe. In when?

The 90s? Oh, no. Oh, yeah, maybe late 80s, early 90s. Were focaccias on thes? Oh, no. Oh, yeah, maybe late 80s, early 90s. Were focaccias on the menu? Oh, no. I think salad. That's how you date places. It's investigative journalism at its best.

Focaccia and wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli sauce. No, you know what? Someone sent us an ad a couple of weeks ago, a couple of months ago. They'd found an old ad for our coffee shop. What was it called? This one was called – they own two coffee shops, one called Chandler's Deli Classic. And then the second one was called –

Chandler's Deli 2. I like Chandler's Deli. I'd go to Chandler's Deli. Sounds like a spin-off of Friends. I'm mentioning a big couch. Yeah. Creepy guy behind the bar yeah

no no those very 80s sort of like brown metal chairs with the brown cushioning on it you know those ones you saw everywhere those ones

this one was called the Terrace Coffee Corner okay right which I drove past the other day and I was like oh they finally changed the name of it and it's like

Maribor is very meth-y very bogan-y these days and so they've changed they've changed he's a good advert and so they've changed I don't have any tickets to sell there I'm not getting in South Coast

of Millie if it's a town in regional Australia I think we can just assume it's a bit meth-y

every town you go to is like we're the meth capital of Australia they love it they're always

bragging about it that's us they need to start doing how cafes in regional towns and bakeries will have voted It's on their number plate. Yeah, they love it. They're always bragging about it. No, it's us. They need to start doing how cafes in regional towns and bakeries will have voted. Best vanilla slice. It's like we need the great outdoors or something to really get to the bottom of what is Australia's methiest city. Best meth. Cleased teeth. The great meth chefs of regional Australia.

That's what you want. You want tourism. Get Mirabar. Get the Breaking Bad Festival going. Most overworked bathtub. This could be the most original idea for a cooking show I've ever seen. It's a master chef for meth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm watching this. It's a new one because if Mirabar is claiming meth capital, which I'm not sure if they are, then it will overtake what they used to claim, which is the sweet double, which was the skin cancer capital of Australia and the suicide capital of Australia. Really? Yeah, nice little couple of claims to fame

before the meth came along. And were people committing suicide via skin cancer? That's a slow burn. A literal slow burn. That's really a cry for help more than a genuine attempt, you know. You see someone lying on the Marabara beach and go, oh, you're having a relax?

No, I'm trying to kill myself. It's coming along. Very slowly. Stage three. If you're at the beach one day, you just see someone, their shirt off, you've noticed they haven't put sunscreen on at all, you've got to be like, are you okay? It's stuff to live for.

People love you. You don't have to do this. There's meth to have. So no for car, just someone sent in an ad for a coffee shop and it said this and I had to ask my mum and dad about it. It was advertising health sandwiches,

which I believe was just salad sandwiches rebranded in the late 80s. Okay. Wow. I've never heard of that, health sandwiches. So my parents may have invented that, I think. Yeah. They began the organic food kick.

Yeah. A salad sandwich just used to be still bad for you. Remember in our day? It would still be like, it would be a white bread, loads of margarine. Oh, yes, cheese. Processed sliced ham. Yeah. Processed cheese and then whatever.

That's still bad for you. Some shredded carrots kind of thrown in there. Shredded carrots. Shredded lettuce. That's it. Did you. Some shredded carrots kind of thrown in there. Shredded carrots. Yeah. Shredded lettuce. That's it. Did you have them in your high school tuck shops? What was like your go-to at school? Loganbury pie.

Loganbury pie. You've never had a Loganbury pie? No. Oh, well, it was a private school. Beef Wellington. Okay. No, no. It was a Loganbury pie, which is like a, it's a berry, not raspberry.

It's like a pie and you get it for, not very good for you at all. Berries in a pie? Like a hot pot. Loganberry pie, I'm telling you. And they used to fucking cook the shit out of it. Yeah, really sweet. Right, right. And sometimes, as a kid, you get over excited and it was not ready to be eaten.

I was too hot. And you would burn your mouth on it. I'd burn my mouth on a Loganby pie at least once a week. That was it. So Loganby pie. We didn't stock them health sandwiches, what we had. And I brought it up because it was a coffee shop in Mirabar opposite the Supreme Court. So it was just people going in and losing their kids

and then coming over for a health sandwich to drown their sorrows. This will take your mind off it. Bit of shredded carrot. Give them a discount. Come on in if you've lost your case. It's half off. Well, you should have fed this to your kid to start with and you wouldn't have lost it. Half price to anyone wearing rivers.

Half price. Oh, wow. Yeah, well, speaking of... It's an unofficial court canteen. That's awesome. Speaking of Thailand, well, look, this is an interesting thing to bring up to you guys. I think you guys will be into this especially

because I know you've got a... not a penchant, but you've got a history of going to Southeast Asia. You love your Bali. You love your Phuket, don't you? I've been to Bali, I reckon, three, maybe four times as an adult. First time, disgraceful.

First time, literally, that dick. That guy. Oh, right, right. That cooter fuckhead. Yeah. And in my defence, 19, 20. Yeah. Working on the door of a nightclub in Frankston.

Thinking, this will be great. Yes, yes, yes. And so that one, I apologise to everyone involved. I really do. They're listening. Anyone I apologise to everyone involved. I really do. They're listening. Anyone who happened to see it. We do have a couple of listeners in Bali, so they'll pass it around. Well, so I was telling this story the other day where the first time I ever went there,

I was staying in Kuta, and I sat in a pool bar for about nine hours drinking a ruck, the rice wine. When I got out, the barman had to put my shoes on and tie up my laces so I could walk home. That's how fucked I was. Okay, that's good. And then on my recent returns, I've done it to Seminyak and Great Bar and so on. So I love it. I'm not, it's not on my list.

Thailand, I've done, you know what? I've only done Thailand once. Oh. And that was Phuket. Yep. Yep. So I'm happy to go back. Oh, right.

At any point. If there's an invite going. So you gave me one of the greatest pieces of advice for Bali, because I've only ever been there once, and that was for the Limo's wedding. Oh, yeah. And you said that if it ever rains there, you don't go for a swim on the beach because. Well, I hung over and went, I better go and have a swim. I'll just knock off the cobwebs.

Nothing feels... The best hangover cure in the world, write this down, kids. I believe the only one is diving into ocean. Salt water is your best friend after a big night. So I thought I'd go and test this. And then I'd go, oh, it's a bit soupy today. It's a... So I thought I'd go and test this.

And then I go, oh, it's a bit soupy today. It's a soupy soupy. How do these fucking shoes get on me? Well, as I'm sitting there, I dive under the water and look up and a big wave forms. And at that precise moment, a dead dog was dumped on top of me. Oh, my God. Mental note. Oh, my God. Mental note.

Don't go for a swim after storm runoff in the Cootah area. A dead dog. You don't get that in the surf report. No, you don't get that. So, better or worse for the hangover? Well, up until that point. That is a real hair of the dog, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

How'd you go? I had a hair of the dog. It a real hair of the dog, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. How'd you go? I had a hair of the dog. It was a hair of the dog. That's going to wake you up. That's a big jump scare. Yeah. But I loved it. I've been to Vanuatu quite a few times because my father established the airline over there.

Oh, really? So I used to love going to Vanuatu. The Nivans are some of the nicest people I've ever met in the world. Air Vanuatu? Air Vanuatu. The Nivans are some of the nicest people I've ever met in the world. Air Vanuatu? Air Vanuatu, yeah, that's right. He was happy until I tried to break Booney's record on the flight over there. He said, not a good look for the... So he's a crackerjack, the only thing that plays on the in-flight entertainment.

Oh, that's right. Do you know what he did for in-flight entertainment? I swear this is true. This is how casual it is over there. The first time I ever got on a flight with him, he was flying the plane, and about 20 minutes in, we were here. Evening, ladies and gentlemen.

This is your captain, Keith Molloy, speaking. We're currently flying at an altitude of 32,000 feet. Our arrival time will be 7.45. We've got five hours ahead of you, so in the meantime, why don't we relax and enjoy some music. He started playing the harmonica. What?

I'm sorry. That is a true sadism. Oh, fuck. It's slightly different. Pre-9-11 by the way. That would have caused a new 9-11, I would have thought. People love to complain about how bad it was when you had everyone watching the same movie on the one screen.

Fuck, that's nothing. I remember, so when I got there, and I remember the first story, so I was staying on the main island, and I was at a resort, and the first thing I did, this is when I learned how casual the natives are, and I went down to the pool bar and thought, I'll have a drink.

Anyway, the guy behind the bar couldn't be nicer, huge, small, polishing glasses. And anyway, the phone behind the bar starts ringing. He makes no attempt or doesn't even bat an eye. He just keeps polishing and smiling, and the phone's going off. Sitting around the bar, there's a whole heap of Europeans and myself getting really agitated. He's not going to answer the phone. Why wouldn't he answer the phone?

He's not going to answer the phone. So after about a minute and a half, he casually walks over, picks it up and places it down again. Problem solved. I went, oh, okay, this is going to be fun. These guys know how to do it. I just picked up the phone and then hung it up. Problem solved. But I loved it over there.

I haven't been in a long time. I hope it hasn't deteriorated. I kind of felt towards the end maybe the promises of tourism hadn't arrived for them. And they were maybe getting a little pissy. But anyway, I loved it. I recommend it. Your dad's on the phone to you like,

we need you to plug the flights on Triple M. Yeah. Get you to the airline. Yeah. Give us a shout out. He started too. He started that one and Anna Rue was the other one. Okay, all right.

All right. Yeah. I'm getting the feeling he didn't like to come home. Yeah, yeah. Where's dad? He's setting up another airline. Really? Yeah.

Meanwhile, the people of America Samara are going, Malloy, what's the fucking delay? Wouldn't mind a holiday. Bring it. You've got your brother driving you around. You've got your dad flying you places. That's right. It's silver service.

Carl's dropping me off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's your point. I do have a soft spot for the Asian region, so feel free to invite me to anything. Well, here we go. So the other day there was a sale on Jetstar and I was at work.

I was working on a TV show and I saw the sale. I know Brett Blake's a fan of a bargain on Jetstar, so I sent him the thing and I said, look at this, cheap flights. What do you reckon about this? And I said, look, look at this. A Bangkok $250 return.

What do you think about that? And he goes, nah. And I go, how fun would that be? $250, we'll just go for a long weekend. How good would this be? And then I just left it. And then I went, I was working on Speaks and Speaks. We did rehearsal.

I'm on the panel. And I get a message going, all right, you've won me over. I've booked in November 2 to 7 or whatever it was. And I'm like, I wasn't trying to win you over. I'm on the panel. And I get a message going, all right, you've won me over. I've booked in November 2 to 7 or whatever it was. And I'm like, I wasn't trying to win you over. I was just having conversation. And then I'm like, oh, fuck. And he's like, you said you're going to go. And I'm like, I didn't really, but fuck, okay.

And so all of a sudden we're doing rehearsal. It speaks to the fact they're going, Chandler, hit the buzzer. I'm glad you said it was rehearsal. I thought you were taking it to the actual show. It's important. So we're doing rehearsal and they're saying, Chandler, when are you going to buzz in with some answers and stuff? November 2 to 7.

I'm trying to book a flight. And in the meantime, so I'm like, because it's a limited sale. So I'm doing it. They're saying, oh, there's only two flights left. There's three flights left. So I'm like, fucking no. So in the meanwhile, I'm then sending it to other mates going,

oh, well, who else wants to come or whatever? So by the end of rehearsal, four mates are going to Bangkok for a long weekend. Will that be your third time in Thailand this year? Yes. Yes, yes. That's the simple answer, yes. I've been to Bangkok as well.

Sorry, I keep remembering these. You know, when I went there, it was fantastic. We were travelling from Hong Kong and everyone said, there was a travel warning. Remember the political, the red versus the yellows? It was really quite, everyone's going, it's kind of tense. There's a travel warning, don't go. It's the best holiday I've ever had because the plane going over was empty.

Yes. Right? The hotel was empty and the notorious Bangkok traffic, which is normally bedlam, we just had to key the city. And it was absolutely fine. I actually turned up at a couple of the rallies. I'd have read a headline going, yeah! Like, it was absolutely fine.

The level of panic that had gone in. But I had some of the best meals I've ever had in my life in that city. I did Phuket like a couple of months ago on the way back, had the three seats to myself, laid down, made my own business class. The absolute dream. Here's one for you, right? Travelling to there from Hong Kong, we, at a hotel,

we went, they said, we need to go to the airport. They go, no, you don't. And they go, well, what do you do? Come here. They took our bags. We went to a train station across the road where they checked our bags in. We got our boarding pass, and I didn't see those bags until we got off the plane in Bangkok. And this is just at a train station.

Imagine getting to Frankston Station. Right? Hello, here's my bags. I'm going to LA. Please give me a boarding pass. What? I swear to you. Fuck, that's organisation.

At a train station in Hong Kong, next time we saw our bags was... It's not too overseas that you appreciate how it can be done. Like in Japan, you wait, like, what, four minutes for a train and it's fucking bang on time, whereas here, Melbourne, international city, you wait 22 minutes for a train on a Friday night. Like, what the fuck is going on? If the train's 30 seconds late in Japan, they get on the news and they issue a formal apology to the entire country.

I saw a – sorry, Tommy. I actually saw this. In London, they apologised because a train was early. Everyone travelling on the 6th Street to Chetnam, we apologiseised because the train was early. Everyone travelling on the 6th Street to Chetnam, we apologise it's running a minute early. But on that note, I ran into

a Japanese man many years ago who was at Melbourne Station and he goes, can you tell me when the next train to Caulfield will be? And I said 20 minutes. And he looked at me like it was 1820. It's embarrassing. You don't know it until you get overseas.

People go, but yeah, we've fallen asleep at the wheel when it comes to public transport. We need to pioneer the bullet tram here. That'd be great. The bullet tram. The bullet tram. I like that. The bullet tram.

The bullet tram. The bullet tram already exists. There's be great. Bullet tram. Bullet tram. I like that. Bullet tram. Bullet tram. The bullet tram already exists. There's no point just doing that. Just get fucking from Spring Street down to Southern Cross Station in eight seconds. When you hear a ding, get the fuck out of the way. What about this? The restaurant bullet tram. I tried to touch on it and I got fucking whiplash.

Is there anything like that? Like, imagine trying to explain to someone from around the world that there's a restaurant on a tram that just goes around.

Because where does it go? Does it go to St Kilda into the city? Does it even go? I don't think I've seen it since we've all come back. No, it's gone.

It's gone. No, I found it for this the other day. Is it gone? It's gone. Okay. It's gone, yeah, I found out for this the other day. Is it gone? It's gone. Okay. It's gone, yeah.

It was our number one tourist attraction. Yes. It was pre-Big Wheel, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always wondered if the prices went up on the menu depending on which suburb you were going from. Yeah, yeah. Zone 3.

Don't pay now. We're going through South Yarra. Wait till we get to Brunswick. Did you ever go on it? I did for filming purposes. Yeah, you did a Kath and Kim, right? Kath and Kim episode. And the other funniest one, was it the restaurant tram

or was it just a normal tram? Eddie McGuire's breakfast show, right? So they decided to do a show. For some reason, we're promoting Melbourne, let's do the show from a tram. So it's an empty tram with a little studio set up, and we're at six to nine. So people trying to go to work, right?

But this is the most dumbest idea I've ever seen. Anyway, it's fucking pissing down, like it's monsoonal, and there's people waiting, and they're soaked, and they're staring at a tram stop and you can see there were leafers the tram pulls up

and then we don't open the doors and we're sitting there literally banging on the doors soaking wet as we ignore them trying not to make

eye contact why won't you open up tune in 105.1 you'll hear all the what's the secret sound me trying to get on the fucking tram

where's the weirdest place you've trying to get on the fucking tram. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex? Not on this tram, that's for sure. Hate in their eyes. I think that's up there. One of my favourite, what would you call it, radio station promotions that they ever did was the Sydney to Hobart one that you told me about. So Sydney to Hobart.

The yacht race. Some of my favourites. The Sydney to Hobart yacht race. And Triple M decided to have one of those competitions. One lucky prize winner gets to crew a Sydney to Hobart yacht. Great prize. Anyway, this is the year it all went pear-shaped, and I think about 30 people died.

It was really nasty stuff. The yachts wouldn't pull up any passengers that had fallen off the side and let them in. But I remember watching it on the news, and they showed this boat limping into Eden Harbour with hardened sailors, like white, and up the back was this little girl with a triple M t-shirt in the fetal position of the line not a great promotion

no one possibly thought this through well there's a few of those the golden mile remember the triple M

golden mile one mile of silver of gold coins to go from fucking Brighton to the city or

somewhere. In a row on the ground. In a row on the ground. Yeah, so firstly it wasn't well attended. So the dollar coins were spaced about 15 metres apart. It's not that impressive. And secondly, how do you fucking secure that? People just keep nipping in and taking the coins.

There's no way. How would you not know to pick taking the coins there's no way how would you not know to pick one up if there's just one every 15 minutes that's great, Armour Guard just run off their feet protecting this batch of dollar coins what about their, I think it was was it, it was Perth and had one of those

million dollar dash where you could put as many you get in like all the gold coins and you've got to shovel as many as you can in in a minute and they'd worked out using the spade

that the most you could shovel in was like 30,000 so you call it a million dollars but it's only worth 30,000 anyway on the day the DJ's handed him the wrong spade he shoveled in about

550,000. I think it was supposed to be like one of those kiddies. Like a trowel. I love the idea that the DJs bought a cheaper shovel, thinking we'll save money. Why is there a second spade? Why is there another spade even available? Why is there another spade?

Where has this other spade come from? We said, I couldn't find a spade. I found a bucket. This is the most bizarre. It was the famous implosion of the Canberra Hospital. So again, the Canberra Station, and they go, big prize, you get to push the plunger that demolishes the Canberra Hospital. What?

Oh, hell yeah. Well, anyway, it went horribly wrong. Hang on, how could it go right? Well, people died, right? So something went wrong. But the picture on the front of the Canberra Times was the lucky prize winner in a tea tea. With a big smile on the face, pressing down on the plunger.

What? I bet I'm not making them up. You don't have to. Yeah, I remember that. The FM movie or the FM series needs to be made. Yeah.

The editor just being like, it's a hell of a photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Otherwise we're putting just dead bodies on the front page. Yeah, it's not great. You can see a couple

still in the air from behind. Yeah. Well, speaking of disasters like I said I thought you guys

are like a junket now like I said we've got four people going to Bangkok

while you're on air right you're doing this while you're in rehearsal well I'm

supposed to be listening to Adam Hills on the panel hopefully he doesn't listen

to the show but anyway so I thought right now what I can do is I can write this off maybe we can

now I haven't brought this up with Tommy, but the Koh Samui Podcast Festival is no more, but is the Bangkok Podcast Festival about to kick off in 2022? Yeah, I could do that. Now, I've got four guests. I've got me and four guests.

If Tommy Daslow agrees to come, all of a sudden we've got a podcast festival. I've already talked to other guests. They're very rock-sol solid keen on doing it. Bangkok. All we need, if only I had two very persuasive people who love a junket. What are our dates? What are our dates?

To convince. What are our dates? Yeah, yeah. November. Also, by the way. Second to seventh, I think you said. Yeah, yeah. Now, also.

Someone's paying attention. Yeah. Also, now, this idea of all of a sudden turning this into a podcast festival may be related to the fact I did this a week ago, and I haven't thought of an idea of how to convince my wife that I'm doing this yet. She has not been told anything about this yet. Well... If it's business, all of a sudden this is a legitimate reason to travel.

But if it's not business, it's just me, Brett Blake, Nick Capron, Milan, going hell for leather in fucking Bangkok. Yeah, now that'll work. You had a good marriage. You need to monetize that. Yeah,

yeah. As they say in the classics. And it's a rare chance, like you said, a rare chance to go to Southeast Asia slash the third time in six months. Yes. So at the moment,

I don't have a great leg to stand on at the moment. But if it's business. What do you love about it? What is it? Because clearly, it's your favorite part of the world. I'm a fatuator, yeah.

There's the food. The food is beautiful. There's the weather. There's the people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you had to pick one place that you, so we do this a bit, if you had to pick one place that you spend the rest of your life in, that you live in, where would it be? I reckon, well I've been to Koh Samui a lot and it'd be there or over the road in Copenhagen.

Yeah. It'd be one of those two. Tommy? To live? Japan, probably. Japan? Yeah. Okay.

You have a particular reason about the whole oeuvre? Food, culture, fun. Golf courses. Golf courses, yeah. I'd take it up. You'd take it up? Those tiny stalls in the bathhouses? Yeah.

We love those. It's convenient so Tommy doesn't have to go into shops and ask for used girls' underwear. Yeah, exactly. If you're just in the middle of the night, have easy access to the vending machine. Doesn't have to cold call. They're there.

They're in a vending machine next to the burger rings. Anime body pillows, much easier to find. You don't have to pay the import tax that you do here. Yeah, I was going to say Japan as well, I think. Really? Osaka, yeah, I loved it. You want to go November 7th? You should do your own podcast.

Berlin for me, I reckon. Berlin? If you only choose one, I've got a few good places. What I loved about Berlin was here's the deal, if you only choose one I've got a few good places But what I loved about Berlin Was Here's the deal If you're not a If you're not a fucking idiot

You can do whatever you want Oh Like so they're quite adult And they go Yes You can drink in the street You can ride your bike Without a helmet

They don't make laws For fuckwits Right You know what I mean They don't make laws To protect So you don't get Have to wear high vis

Because some dickhead Might be going to kill himself. They just go, go kill yourself. You're getting dangerously close to Dave Hughes' arguments about the vaccine on Twitter, by the way, at the moment. But just go easy. But you just don't. It's just I go over there, I have a sigh of relief and I go. It's laws for adults, isn't it? It's adult.

I feel Japan's got a bit of that. I went to the baseball there and they have people who will come around to your seat and they've got a big backpack on that's full of beer and they'll just fill your glass up at your seat. You just hail them, they come over and you go, fuck, imagine that at the AFL. There'd be fucking deaths every game. We're just the most childish country here. We are childish country here like we are trusted with anything yeah whenever anyone fucks up in europe it's inevitably an australian backpacker who's climbed

up the pole and fallen into the fountain and fucking drowned you're allowed to have mid-strength beer at the footy here you go to the premier league and you're not allowed to have beer yes yeah at all in Yeah, at all. In fact, certain games, they'll play at 12 o'clock midday because they're like, you can't possibly get pissed enough to fuck this game up. Well, I mean, we're an offshoot of Britain, right? So that makes sense. In America, if you go to the Super Bowl, go to Gridiron game,

people get fucking hammered in the car park beforehand. And it's a tradition. Where are you? I've gone to, what do they call it? Tailgate. Tailgate. I'm walking in there. Everyone is smashed.

Yeah, it's unbelievable, isn't it? I'm the most sober person here. When you go in there, like they discourage you by charging $20 for a Heineken, but otherwise it's laissez-faire. Until what they do is they then shut the, at three-quarter time, bang, you cannot, like, they're going to get you out of there. But up until then, they're so keen for you to get as hammered as you like,

and their laws, I think this is how they get away with it, their laws are so strong that guys can give each other verbal abuse, go hard as you like, but if you hit a guy you go to jail. So even as drunk as these guys are, there must be something in Homer-like in the back of my mind, do not punch. Also too, I reckon the idea

that someone can have a gun. I reckon that would stop a lot of fights because you'd just be like, you just don't know. Six pack a gun. Yeah. I love about the States, That's like a good day. Yeah, what could go wrong? I love about the States,

it's like the football and Grateful Dead concerts are the two things where people are carrying on in the parking lots for hours and hours before the event. But only those two things.

There's no like middle ground. It's like full on intense sport match or hippie, hippie like getting fucked off your head. Berlin, also pub culture. I was about to say that. They have the best pubs in the world, best beers in the world, best bar food.

You can get a pretzel the size of a Sharon. Right. You give me a big Stein and a pretzel the size of a Sharon and an outdoor beer garden where there's dogs and you can smoke, I'm going, I am the happiest man in the world. Well, there was dogs in Bali and you weren't happy with that. It was a dead dog and it hit me on the head.

It's just an interesting question to think about sometimes. Well, look, I haven't heard you. I was hoping you'd help me win over Tommy Dassler here for this proposed 2022 Bangkok podcast festival. Oh, that's all. That's locked in. Yeah. No, at the moment,

at the moment, it's four guys on a bender. If we add Tommy Dassault, all of a sudden, it's business. Come on, Tommy. Oh, fuck. I thought there was more than that.

Yeah, it's not convincing me. It's not selling me. It's not winning me over. It's all hands on deck. I missed the Jetstar sale. That's one thing. You're slinging money on the tickets. Tickets still on sale, Tommy, until midnight.

So you're not giving me the money yours? No, but I can't. I can't yet. Oh, jeez. You should have bought like 10, and that way you can divvy the money up. But you can't just like buy, I'll have $10 worth of mixed tickets. What about a GoFundMe for Tommy? Let's get Tommy.

Mate, he's got plenty of money. Don't worry about him. I'm doing all right. It's $250. It's like going to Hobart and back. Oh, that'd be nice. Beautiful in November. Start up a rival one.

No, so it's Brett Blake, Nick Capper, Milan, our friend, and me, and then I've been on the blow to several other people who are absolutely very keen as well. Who else are these? Who are these potentials? Well, look, I don't... Okay, potentials. Perspectives.

Potentials. There's two other people that have wives and families who were like... Nick Cody. Who heard, no, who heard my arguments of all of a sudden it's business and went, oh, this is an absolutely very good write-off. Look, I won't say their whole names. I'll just give their initials. H. Breen and N. Hussain.

So it could be anyone. It could be anyone. All right. That sounds like a good crew. They are absolutely penciled in, which is weird with N. Hussain because he's like, oh, my God, that'd be great. It's like, you don't even drink.

What are you going to do? What are you doing? Fill in Bangkok what are you doing fill in a few blanks for you boys yeah yeah he goes I've got a black box recorder

yeah yeah yeah that's right I've got a corporate I'll come over for a few days and then come back as long as I can write it off on something I'm like

absolutely yeah sure do whatever you want yeah do whatever you can do in Bangkok without drinking that there is to do

I'm not sure what there is, but... Shopping? Yeah, yeah. A little tour guide. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Sharm Shopping Centre, the biggest shopping centre in the southern hemisphere, I believe. The river markets, perhaps.

Yeah. That's about it. I think that's it. That's sort of it. Be stuck in traffic. Then you're cooked. Yeah. I guess you can go to the four floors of Whore Sober, I guess.

Wow. Is that Bangkok? I thought that was somewhere else. I don't know. I thought... I mean, who knows where it is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me neither.

No comment. I know what you're trying to do here. You're trying to get me to jump in here and go, no, no, that's Hong Kong. We almost had him. We almost had him banged to rights. Yeah. Well, we were going to be recording this at your studio, Nick. Yeah.

And we had to move it at the last minute. We had to move it to here, to my house. Yeah, apologies. Which I was anxious about because you guys have heard it a bit. My neighbor is doing some fucking power tools work over there. Yeah. Before you guys got here, he had loud trance music playing as well. And it's devastating because this has been going on flat out for the entire year.

Like this guy, he moved in. He's pretty young. I think his parents own the place and they've just given it to him. He's like 20. So he is renovating that place. He's not building shit out the back. I think he's just building shit out the back. I don't think he's renovating it.

I've seen that guy. He's putting in a Joseph Fritzl-style room downstairs, which takes a while. Oh, yeah, yeah. Now you've got to get it right. You've got to get it right. You've got to get the atmosphere. But over the summer, it's like this young guy and his young friends,

and we heard them kind of during the lockdown talking about how they went to the protest, right? So we're like, okay, they're anti-vaxxers. So all through the summer, they're not going anywhere, they're not doing anything because they can't get in anywhere. So they're in their backyard non-stop, just loud conversation, loud music like Aussie hip-hop just blasting at all hours of the night. They had a fire pit going at one point.

It's like, it's 35 degrees. That's burning a body. That's a burn pit, right? Right there, that is. And they went to the protests. Yeah, they were talking loudly about how they were like... That's a bunker they're building there. That's doomsday shit, that is.

It's nightmare stuff. So we get fed up with it. What time do they kick off? Is it proper trading, kicks off at 7 and knocks off at 3, or is it... Oh, it's like they'd start mid-afternoon, and then they'd be going until like 3, 4 a.m. It's like around the clock. It's so loud.

So we get to a point, we like mid-summer, we were going out in the middle of the afternoon for a friend's birthday drinks and we're like, okay, we're going to be out of the house for hours. My girlfriend gets this idea of let's get the Bluetooth speaker,

let's set it up outside because we could hear them out there. Angle it over the fence. Let's make a playlist of stuff that's going to fuck them off and then just play that at full volume. We'll be out all day. We'll just be gone. We'll just set this thing on a repeat. You're curating the fuck off music list.

So what goes on? That's a good list, though. Yeah. This is a good list. It's like the one you put on at the end of the night when you want people to go... Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chumbawamba. But having to sort of do it for people significantly younger than you, it's like... Oh, okay. You know what we would get at the Bullermouth Hotel in Maribor is the get the fuck out of the pub music, Sesame Street theme. Any of that? Oh, yeah. Any of that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that's not bad. The best two I've heard of were both in Darwin. One at a place called The Cage or the Netherland Park Hotel in the old days. They used to release a saltwater crocodile. They had that a lot. It was a very rough pub. I thought we were talking about music, but anyway.

I thought it was a fuck-off from a pub, I thought, which kind of skewed into it. If I could get a crock and just lob it over the fence. That's not bad. So there was one. And then the other one that I think it was the same hotel did, they had like a horn from a tanker, a shipping tanker. And they just... And they just let it rip.

Until everyone was out of the bar. Until deaf guys started turning up. everyone was out of the bar until deaf guys started turning up and just you know someone bought along

all these deaf mates but it was like they're pretty serious I don't know how hard you want to go here well this is it was interesting to me

how quickly my girlfriend went from just a shush over the fence to just full on prisoner of war tactics like the sort of shit that they do and like

if this doesn't work are we going next door and stripping him naked and putting him in a fucking human pyramid? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I agree with that. They were better times. Simpler times. Did you come up with a playlist? So we came up with a playlist.

We were, because it was very hard to think about stuff that they would find objectionable, but we were like, yeah. Put yourself into the mind of a shit cunt. Yeah, a shit cunt 20-year-old. What are they going to find annoying? So my girlfriend, I wanted to have, I thought a good technique would be to have a playlist of, say, four songs that we have on shuffle. So they can't even get their head around an order.

Like there's no rhyme or reason to what's coming up and when. There's not too much variation. No. And you hit them, you're boring them to death. But so by this point, we're like an hour late to the birthday thing that we're going to. So my girlfriend cooks up a playlist

that is Moon River and Que Sera Sera. Just those two. Oh, just two. We've gone back to two. Just two. So we put them on. Just like David Lynchfield right there. We get that fired up.

We get the Bluetooth speaker kind of pointed over the fence. Tools down. Yeah, we have that on for a little bit before we head out. And I think on the third time Moon River starts up, we hear them over the fence like, and we're like, all right, this is getting results. And this is going to be like five hours that we're out for. Minimum, right? This is going to be like a hours that we're out for. Minimum, right?

This is going to be like a long thing. So you're about to walk out the door when you get your first reaction? We're walking out to like a drinks thing that's like starting in the afternoon. But it's going to turn in. It's like it's going to be hours. So everything's plugged in. We're ready to go. We head out.

And then I start getting paranoid because I'm like, I reckon the ending here is like, you know, we get the cops called on us. You know, or like, house is somehow wedged into a fire pit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These are anti-vaxxers who went to a protest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they're shy. You know, when we left, we're like, well, again, this is the whole thing. It's like, they can't leave.

They can't just go, it's time to go out. They can't get in anywhere because they're not vaxxed so we're like they are going to be driven so I'm a bit paranoid but we come back and they're inside

normally they would have still been we got back at like I think probably like 11 or midnight or something Jesus so normally they'd still be very much kicking on by then they're inside

we kind of hear them talking inside we're like alright this has worked and it was like couple of weeks of nothing best behaviour and we're like fuck We kind of hear them talking inside. We're like, all right, this has worked. And it was like a couple of weeks of nothing, best behavior. And we're like, fuck, it worked. We beat them. They went and got the vax, everything.

We won. Then after two weeks, we're sitting around here. We hear them kind of chatting outside. And we're like, all right, you know, bit of chat. You know, that's fine. It's not going to get too rowdy. Then the Bluetooth fires up. Moon River.

Oh! We converted them. Oh, no! We fucking changed their music. It's blowing up in your face. We've expanded their horizons. Hang on. Either that or you've been too loud and they've moon-rivered you.

They're trying to get you to shut up. It's the reverse moon. Yeah. I never even thought of that. It's the reverse. Yeah. You must have been pissing them off somehow, and they're trying to moon- to shut up. Yeah, yeah. It's the reverse moon. Yeah. Oh, I never even thought of that. It's the reverse. Yeah. You must have been pissing them off somehow

and they're trying to moon river you back. They think that's just what you do. No, I got the impression that they were listening to it for leisure. Wow.

You know, after like hour five, they're like, you know what, now that I've heard this for the 400th time, it's sort of growing on me. I miss it.

Pop it on. Shazamming over the fence. I like how they've drawn the lineming over the fence I like how they've drawn the line with K-Sara Sarar not for me yeah fair enough

but that's still 50% strike rate you're pretty happy with that it's still going on though it's still going on and before you guys

got here they were back onto yeah no Moon River but just these loud trance playlists so I don't know what we do from here

up for you know maybe a bit of That's Amore or something over the fence maybe this afternoon. You play dirty. Sesame Street is a good one, I think. Sesame Street is probably the way to go. Child's music.

Baby Shark. Baby Shark will end in violence. That will end in a chalk outline on either yours or their side of the fence. Yeah, that's what I need. Recommendations from parents who it's like, what's the stuff that you're being driven insane by that your kids are enjoying? Yeah. So just some like what?

You know my kids got a new one of Annoying Me With, and my daughter is three, and somehow she's figured out the real names, the secret identities of me and my wife, our real first names, and she she's figured out the real names, the secret identities of me and my wife, our real first names and she just comes up to me and goes,

you're Carl. Yeah. And I'm like, no, no. Knock it off. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, daddy, no. No, no, no.

You're Carl. Sinister. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done a background on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is going to cost you. I know where the bodies are buried. This is going to cost you.

No, no, no. You're too young to know. This is going to cost you. I know where the bodies are buried. This is going to cost you. No, no, no. You're too young to know. Are they allowed to call you by your first name? Sorry? Can they call you by your first name? No, I don't like that. Don't like that? Not in doing it.

Not for that? I don't think she understands how that works. She just knows that it's going to annoy me. So that's the only reason she's doing it, just to piss me off. Does she know the surname yet? Is she aware of that? She knows her surname. Well, it's the same surname.

Yeah. But she doesn't know how surnames work universally. Right, right. Because I was going to say, that's creepy, going up to you and giving you the full name. No. Hello, Carl Chandler. But what I like is it's not like I've taught her how to be annoying, but she's certainly got that bit of me in her.

She's seen enough. She's absorbed. I haven't taught it. I haven't taught it is what I'm saying, but what she's doing is she's doing that. She's giving. I haven't taught it. I haven't taught it is what I'm saying. But what she's doing is she's doing that. She's giving me a bit of your Carl, your Carl. And also now she does a bit of, she comes up and goes, you're mummy.

And I'm like, no, I'm daddy. Nah, mum. And I go, fucking hell. Yeah, this is like those. You're messing with your mind. Yeah, exactly. This is like those ads for like domestic violence, you know, where it's like a young child,

like seeing the parent get like abused. And it's like, then they grow up and it's like a young child, like seeing the parent get like abused and it's like, then they grow up and it's like a pattern behavior. It's like no one teaches their child to do it, but you just absorb it by being around. You've taught her without meaning to teach it. Yeah, yeah, because constantly I'm, you know, all around, every night I'm going up to my wife and going,

you're a boy. Little blankets on the ground. She's like putting two and two together. She's like, I see what's going on here. I mean, I did say this on the pod two weeks ago, but I did think you would like this.

I should have said this for you, but I did about 10 years ago, I had a joke and a guy saw me in a pub and he heard the joke and he said to me, I want to put that on the side of my shop, on the side of my business. Yes. And it was a joke about brothels.

The joke went, I wonder if brothels have Tide Ice Tuesday. And if they did, I wonder if it's cheaper or more expensive. And he goes, oh, great joke. I'm putting that on the side of my brothel. And I'm like, you can't do that. That's copyright, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Got it on the high horse.

And 10 years later, I'm like, imagine if I'd let him have my joke on the side of a brothel. How good would this be? That is. And then you get your photo taken at the front of the song on the brothel, which becomes the cover of your new album. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. No, but how good would that be?

I can't believe I've just completely 180'd it. Dodgy, like, cartoon mural of you. Yes. With a speech bubble coming out saying the joke. Like, you know, Dan Andrews, Get On The Beers or something. Yeah, yeah. I'm just the hero on the side of top of the town. Because Dan Andrews get on the beers or something. I'm just the hero on the side of top of the town

because that's what it was. Yeah, you do a contra deal. Yeah. I agreed to that way too quick. I thought yours was good, Mick. You got a mural on the side of my favourite sandwich shop

in Melbourne but yeah, mural on the side of the brothel. I have. You do, yeah. Yeah, well, it's either me

or Mrs Doubtfire. I'm really not..., it's either me or Mrs Doubtfire. I'm really not sure. It's me, Matt Preston, or Mrs Doubtfire. I'm not sure. You're on the side of Hector's Deli, right? On Hector's Deli, that's right. Oh, yeah, Richmond. That's when you're made in Richmond.

It's me and Dusty, I think, at the moment. Is it really? I have Dusty in my house. I haven't even noticed that. No, and there's also one on the side of a brothel. Oh, so that's who replaced me. That's more like having your name on the wall at the comedy store, though. One of the greats to tread the boards.

He built this joint. He built this joint. We never bill him, but he might just drop in if you want to come down. What are you saying on the side of Hector's? What's the context of Mick Bane? It's you in a Richmond jersey, right? It was the first. I think everyone got overexcited in 2017.

Yeah, the premiership. We had the first premiership. It was the lead up. And there'd been a hype and we'd been talking at, you know, turning on town hall lights. And people in Richmond were skipping around the suburb like it was the opening number of a musical. Good morning, good morning.

Everyone was so elated. Because you're a famous Richmond football club fan. I am a well-known Richmond fan. I bought the last three houses I have bought, one after the other. Must be nice. I've all been walking distance to the MCG. Oh, really?

Yeah, so I map it out. How many steps? Before I even go to an inspection, I go, how many? Right. Well, you might enjoy this. Now, I used to work for the AFL. I used to work at the AFL for about five or six years. And I had a boss.

In what capacity? I was a graphic designer. I used to do publications that would come out, some little bits in the AFL record, stuff like that, right? Now, I had a boss there that was a graphic designer. I used to do publications that would come out, some little bits in the NFL record, stuff like that. Now, I had a boss there that was a big Richmond supporter, and he had a conspiracy theory. Mick Malloy doesn't really barrack for Richmond. What do you think about that?

I think he's one to watch. He could be. He can't trust the rule of the sandwich. What would be my motivation? I don't know. What master plan am I working on? Yeah, because that was a really sad team to not follow for 37 years. That was really sad.

Why would I spend 30 years barracking for the worst team? This was in 2017. This is like 2010. It's like, mate, we were shithouse. Why is he pretending to barrack for someone that's 15th? Very strange. I think he was going a bit cabin fever crazy in the bottom dwells of the fucking ladder. 2010, I'll tell the story.

2010 or 2011, Richmond were eight losses, no wins, and I'd finally had enough. I went, fuck this. So I went across the road and bought a Melbourne Storm membership because they were eight wins, no losses. I went, yes. and bought a Melbourne Storm membership because they were eight wins, no losses. I went, yes. Later that week, Melbourne Storm was stripped of all their points in a salary cap debacle.

I now barrack for two sides that have no points and we're eight rounds in. Tell your boss to fuck off. Tell your mate he's a fucking... Tell him to come and see me. That's what I wanted. I don't know. Why would you do it?

What possible advantage? I always say to Jeff Stilson. What's the opposite of glory, Hunter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Self-flagellation. I'm in the Grand Tower whipping myself. Jeff Stilson, who you would know. Yes, American comedian.

Comedy writer, great comedian from America. He came out and at the height of our hopelessness became a Richmond supporter and signed his kids up as a Richmond supporter when they moved to Australia. I said, why did you do that? And I hope he doesn't mind me telling the story because he tells it himself in his stand-up. But he came out and he goes, well, I went to the AFL shop in September and they were the only jerseys they had in stock

and that's why I go, didn't I tell you? Didn't I tell you what I wanted to do? That's very polite of you to go, well, I hope he doesn't mind me telling in case he tells it in his stand-up. He's lived in America for 10 years. If he's telling that story at the Comedy Cellar in New York, I don't know how well he's going. his stand-up. He's lived in America for 10 years. If he's telling that story at the Comedy Cellar in New York,

I don't know how well he's going. And listening to this. He's another one who's been on, probably doesn't remember it. No. Has he? Oh, yeah, again, he's probably on the week after you.

He's my favourite comedian. All right, we'd better wrap it up there for another week on The Little Dum Dum Club. Mick Malloy, Adam Rosenbach, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks, boys. Things that you would like to plug? No, I'd just like Carl to bring the car around.

If I could. The front bar, Mick Malloy's on every Wednesday night this year. Just move to Thursday. Now, it depends if there's a Thursday night match on, we're on Wednesday. If not, we're on Thursday. That's great we got anything else to plug

Rosie writes on that so it's a double plug and I've got the Junk Time AFL podcast if you're into your footy check it out

I pulled a pin on that one too yes you did when are you having me back August we're going to have you back

August so go down to Richmond home games and see if you can find Mickey you won't according to my dad and my

dad my boss my ex boss, my ex-boss. The guys want to start the drilling again. Go under that mural on the side of Hector's Deli and throw eggs at it because it's a fucking bald-faced lie. Paint a Fitzroy jumper under it. All right, all right. I think we're done here.

All right. Thanks very much for listening. We'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh. We got him. We got our white whale.

Oh, he didn't like that. He did not like that at all. He knew what you meant. He was playing funny, but he was there. Comedy. He was playing my book. You're right. Very nice of him, too.

He's a very busy man, and he's got better shit to do than do our show, so I'm good of him, too. And he was very nice of him to, he's a very busy man and he's got better shit to do than do our show. So I'm good with him too. And he was, he was very nice about it and nearly happened a bunch of times, but we did make it happen. But he was saying to Rosie, I've got to do it for those boys. I owe them. I owe them. Like, well, you don't owe us at all.

Yeah. You don't owe us shit. Yeah. What does he, who does he think we are? Like what? Yeah. Is this a mistaken identity thing where he like maybe two random guys saved his life one day in the street and he thinks we're them

I don't know couple of open micers dug him out of a well yeah no very nice of him you know I meant to how was that car ride home

I didn't oh yeah that's right we talked about that on the show no he was nice what did we what did we talk

we talked about stand up comedy fuck yeah talked about stand up comedy is he getting back into it oh you'll see never say never What did we talk? We talked about stand-up comedy. Fuck yeah. Talked about stand-up comedy. Is he getting back into it? Oh. You'll see soon. Never say never.

Never say never. You'll see soon is what I'll say. All right. You might be seeing him down at a certain comedy club in a certain basement in Melbourne soon. Okay. Fritzl's Chuckle Hut. Yeah. There's a lot to be said about you can only get out of this car if you do a gig for me.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Just the old beam's still got gig for me. Yeah, yeah, okay. Just the old beam has still got the central locking. Fuck, it has central locking, doesn't it? That's genuinely shocking. No, no, no, central locking. I don't think it was meant to have central locking, but I fucked it so hard,

now it just has involuntary central locking. One door just doesn't open. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, great. So, yeah, yeah, you might be seeing him down the room dusting off a few cobwebs soon, I was going would say. Too bad. So that's good. But I was going to say I meant to say this, but I don't think I meant to say it because

I don't think it went anywhere. But I would say this. I think this about Mick Malloy. I reckon he's our, he's Australia's Adam Sandler. Yeah, okay. Yeah, certainly in the sense that he's made, when he was, the films that he made are of a Sandler-esque nature. Yeah, that sort of vintage, that sort of humour, I reckon,

and very genuinely, very, very funny man, and very loyal. Like, you know, Sandler's got his boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Malloy's got his boys. Yeah, that's true. Got his guys around him that he does a lot for and whatever. Same with Sandler. Very loyal and very generous.

Yep. Very generous as well. Yep. And all the stories you hear out of both camps is like, good bloke. Yep. And not chasing the limelight, if you can say that, about two people who are like big stars. You know what I mean? Sure, sure.

Not into being famous just for the sake of being famous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just likes what he does. Not neither of them are, you know, like fucking big Instagram whores or anything like that. Right.

Like that sort of thing. Right. I mean, yeah, Sandler's not making movies because he's like desperate to be in the public eye. He's like fucking making shit with his crew. Just has a funny idea.

Just likes being funny. Yeah, he just likes... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, you know, one of the greats. Our Charlie Chaplin likes pretending to have a mental illness. Yeah, yeah. No, so I think there's a lot of parallels. So, yes, I think that's all accurate,

but, yeah, I didn't think any of that would be... I think he would have been quite bashful about that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's worth saying, but I don't think he would have riffed on it too much. No, yeah, you're right. It would have made him quite uncomfortable. Yeah, and also because it's like, oh worth saying, but I don't think he would have riffed on it too much. No, yeah, you're right. It would have made him quite uncomfortable. And also because it's like, oh, yeah, he's very loyal and he's six by his people.

And then you look at Rosenbachs and go, yeah, because you're a fucking basket case. And, you know, he's just like looking after you. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mate, he got you on this podcast. We had you on because you're his mate. Yeah, I grew up listening to Martin Malloy on the radio. I had the Eat Your Peas CD.

There was one point on the podcast where Mick mentioned something about a stein. And I remember there was a great bit on that CD about him getting the shits about Oktoberfest wasn't going to have the stein anymore. And I fucking loved that bit. And it was really fanboying in my head well i don't want to just bring it up and go do the fucking bit well i'm glad you said that because i also sort of thought i like to go into those shows and and not be a big fanboy or whatever but i could have easily done that because that was the that was a seminal tv show the late show

yeah yeah yeah in the uh early 90s that was the show that you would uh definitely stay in for or you know get someone get mom and dad to tape it if you were going out or anything like that. That was like the show. That was the show where you go, fuck, Australian comedy can be good. Yeah. You'd watch all the fast forward and all that dog shit and be like, well, I guess it's our dog shit.

But that late show, I was like, this is fucking as funny as anything I've seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is real good. Holds up a lot of it too. Yeah. I like when Mick said that he referred to being in my share house. It's like, I mean, I'm sharing it with my girlfriend. Right, right.

Stretch to call it a share house. Well, I guess it's pretty easy when you walk into a house in your suburb. You just sort of assume. There's fucking eight cunts living in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bit of Kangaroo Court in London. That's it. Sort of vibe to it.

Yeah, it's a bit of kangaroo court in London sort of vibe to it. So sorry to any comedy nerds out there that wanted us to go comedy nerd style, but I feel like it's our duty to be funny rather than... We probably did that when it was on 10 years ago. Yeah, maybe. But go and listen back to that one. I don't like going Paco style. No. I'd rather try and be funny and make a person I find very funny laugh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. That's the aim. You get that guy laughing at one of your jokes, you're like, oh, yeah, there we go. Done all right here. Instead of, when you used to put your helmet on and crash headfirst into a donkey's ass, where did you get that idea from?

Yeah, were you really playing lawn balls in Cracker Jack? Did you have to practice? But, yes, yeah, were you really playing lawn balls in Cracker Jack? Did you have to practice? But, yes, yeah, great episode. And you can, of course, if you want more great episodes. If you're not getting enough from your weekly fix, you can head on to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club and get yourself two bonus episodes, Mondays and Fridays, little mini bonus episodes.

Not only that, but it supports the show and it supports us and it means that we couldn't have recorded this episode if we had day jobs. Yes, that, but it supports the show and it supports us and it means that we couldn't have recorded this episode if we had day jobs. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if we had had a day job because we had no money because of the Patreon, that episode would never have existed. It wouldn't have existed, yeah.

You can't be saying to Mick, yeah, we're doing it. We sort of have to do it at like 9pm every night. Can you do that? Yeah. No chance. No fucking chance. That took us about about that took us probably well that was that was six months worth of work trying to get him on getting a spare hour to get

him on the show i reckon that was being circulated pre-pandemic i reckon i reckon there was a point at 2019 where we came close to it happening i think i yeah, look, I don't, I'm not sure about that. But I've sent him messages but I don't think he knows how to reply to messages. So,

there was just a lot, that was a long, long time of negotiating with Adam Rosenbach because he works with him and stuff like that. But, yes,

back to the point of Patreon. Patreon. You get two bonus episodes a week and you also go into the draw to get your name read out and immortalised in an episode of Little Dumb Dumb Club. It could be this very episode that we're recording on a Saturday evening.

The vibe in here is electric. And it's a nice thing to have it on a certain episode. Like, you know, five people maybe, potentially. Like, we don't have a heap of time. Yep. Because we're recording this in the basement at Basement Comedy Club in Melbourne. If you want to come down Friday, Saturdays, we're recording it here because I'm about to set up for my show on a Saturday night.

But it is nice to have your name read out on an episode. You can say, oh, I'm on the Mick Molloy episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I met Mick Molloy once. I bet there'd be some people who'd be trying that on. My name was read out within 15 minutes of Mick Moore being talking on this show. That's something. I worked with him once.

Yeah. We were on the same podcast. We were on the same bill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Open for Mick Malloy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Closed for Mick Malloy. Closed for Mick Malloy.

He opened for me. Yeah, yeah. That's not too bad. I, because I remember like we both did a bit of writing on the show Rove. Rove Live or Rove? It was just Rove. Just Rove. Just Rove when it finished. I believe it was still live.

Yes. They got that out of the title. It was live on tape. Yeah. Live recorded to tape, as they say. I did the last couple of weeks of it, I think. I got it at the Oaks. So I wrote jokes.

I got jokes on air the episode that Borat was on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was excited by that. Just like, oh, I was technically on the Borat episode. Yeah, Borat probably saw one of your jokes while he was sitting in the green room. Yeah, yeah. It probably inspired Bruno. Yeah, maybe.

One of my jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That bit where Rove went, I was at a cafe and I saw a duck sandwich. What the? It was... Imagine if you inspired Bruno. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love this guy.

He just... He heard one of my jokes and went, this Borat thing is for the birds. I've got to get some of this homophobic stuff going on. Yeah, yeah. Because I had Carrie Bickmore doing a very anti-gay joke on the... No. That would have been good, though. But, yeah, so someone is about to join that club

and being able to say, fuck, a man, Mick Moore, rubbed shoulders. Audio rubbed shoulders. So let's open up the old Patreon mailbag, so to speak. Let's do it. First cab off the rank Thank you very much to Someone

Oh this guy's been waiting Quite a while So apologies Sometimes people are waiting Quite a while Sometimes people Waiting not so long But this guy's been waiting

Quite a while Okay Thank you very much to The very patient Patreon subscriber Mitchell Bennett Mitchie Ben. Bennett.

Hey, no need to abbreviate the Mitchell. He's already got Bennett abbreviated. It's a Bennett with one T. B-E-N-N-E-T. Benet. Yeah. Jean Benet. Michael Mitchell Benet Ramsey.

Mitchell Benet. Ramsey. Did you ever watch The Staircase? No. Okay. It's kind of linked in my head to the JonBenet Ramsay stuff. You know the story of it? No.

It's a true crime thing. It's one of the first true crime docos. This guy's wife fell down a flight of stairs and died, and it was like this big court case because there was all this stuff about her injuries that was kind of sass and everyone kind of thought he did it. And they've just brought out a drama... Like, it's very, like, of its time, true crime doco,

where they've just hired a film crew to just be there. So it's very fly-on-the-wall doco. So they've made this dramatisation of it that's just started. And it's just like they're re-enacting the doco. Right. Like, it's so dull.

It's like, why the fuck does this exist? Right. When the doco is already just showing you everything like it's it's fucking bizarre but our Tony Collette is in it and good for her

Collette with two T's at the end which I think which I respect a lot more than this character yes that's as good as it gets this

that reminds me that dramatisation do you know I've you know because I've got my head pretty deep into Thailand news all of a sudden not all of a sudden but like all the time on social medias and whatever I'm really dramatization do you know i've you know because i've got my head pretty deep into uh thailand

news all of a sudden i mean not all of a sudden but like all the time on on social medias and whatever i'm really i really only want to see pictures of beaches and go imagine being there yeah but then i see all these other news i'm like oh okay so whenever there's like getting a good run on the news uh beautiful day down there today that's our top story man a lot but a lot of people are like me in that in lockdown and in um you know not being able to travel anywhere the i've talked about this before but like i've i've i started watching a lot of you know youtube vlogs and stuff of people that were stuck in thailand going check it out guys and it's like it's become like travel porn where you're like fucking imagine being there and it

like it's literally not just me there's like so many people that are like in the same headspace as me going fuck yeah yeah yeah I wish I was there and these people just fucking absolutely like monetizing and whatever

and now they're like fuck what do I do now they've just been doing laps of Thailand for two years what do I do now I don't know Cambodia

and everyone's like who gives a fuck we're going to go there ourselves yeah their new travel vlog thing is going to be ah here I am in Melbourne fucking beautiful Swanston Street oh well i guess i'm pulling down my pants now what's the next thing like what else can we do doing dares yeah doing jackass

yeah just hammering their dick um so you never saw you didn't see jackass for you did you i haven't 4.5 going up uh this week on net. Yep. But four's not on Netflix. No. But 4.5 is. Yeah. Okay. This is like, they

did this for three. This is like the extra bit of bullshit. To be fair, I need to go back and have a look. I never even saw

the last movie. You never saw three? No. Fuck, man. Three's great. Yeah. I'll go back and

have a look. But what I was going to say was that I so I've watched Thailand news, you know, some of it, whatever. Getting a VPN so you can just get onto the Thai equivalent of like 7 Plus. Yeah, that's... Live watch the news. I'm watching a lot of Thai Koshi every morning.

Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, Thai Sam Mac, give me the weather in Phuket. But when something goes wrong, when they have a court case, when they have a trial, a murder case, something like that, you know what they do that I think maybe is uniquely Thai, and I've never heard of it with any other country, is that when, say, for example, a murder happens, they get the accused to go out and reenact it.

That's pretty cool. How insane is that yeah so they get they get them out and they put them in some fucking amateur drama production they get them to like dress the way that they've been accused of dressing on the night and then like walk down the street pretend to stab someone or whatever it is and like get them to all act it out that's pretty cool there there was a film about that like ages ago that I don't think it was Thai people but it was like something along the lines of like getting these people who had been

in wars and like committed some pretty fucked up war crimes and stuff to reenact the stuff that they'd done. And it was like they're all like super old by this point and they all got really fucked up by it. It was like oh yeah having to do this on the other side was like really full on. It's really shown us like the evils that we perpetrated back in the day.

Right. Just rubbing their nose in it sort of thing. A little bit. I think it was meant to, yeah, I remember watching it and not, I don't think I really got it. I maybe need to like watch it again because it's been like 10 years since I saw it. But that is pretty cool. I do like that because there's nothing worse than like a bad reenactment on Australia's Most Wanted or whatever.

But where does it end? Do you reenact the white collar crimes as well? Just like some cunt at a fucking PC. Yeah, just pretending to embezzle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a good kind of old school kind of like Town Square sort of like being ridiculed by the public kind of thing. It's old school kind of like you know town square sort of like being ridiculed by the public kind of thing it's like classic sort of public shaming well also it's a little bit of like oh you smoke the cigarette we'll smoke the whole packet yeah yeah you like

it then you stab someone oh go and fucking stab them again i wonder if they play up the people that are doing it whether they're like you know i fucking didn't you know they've got the script of like how the reenactment's meant to go. And they're like, I didn't fucking do it like this. It was later than this. Or when they go, like they're trying to, you know, say that they didn't do it. So it's like, oh, is this how you stab someone? It's like, no, you're holding the wrong end of the knife. You fucking cut your hand open.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I don't even, I've never even seen a knife before. Sorry, guys. Or they're like, yeah, they're on set. They're like, so now just do what you were doing on the night. Ah, well, I was at home. So you'll need to build a set of a living room, and then I'll just sit in there and watch TV, and then, yeah, that's the reenactment done.

Thank you very much. Yeah. But, yeah, Mitchell Bennett, do you reckon he's ever committed any crimes? Well, surname crimes, for starters. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. Or his ancestors, unless he's the, unless he's, you know, unless this is like, you know, your name's Thomas, abbreviated to Tommy, unless this is his abbreviation, Mitchell Bennett, justated to Tommy. Unless this is his abbreviation.

Mitchell Bennett. Just whack the T off the end. Yeah. Bennett. Just say it a tiny bit quicker. The double T's a weird one. You don't need a... When's there ever a double T really selling the sound?

Well, the first thing that you said was Benet. That eliminates all doubt. If you put a double T, there's no one suggesting that, is there? You've never seen Bennett written down and gone, Benet, have you? As a double T.'s no one suggesting that is there you've never seen Bennett written down and gone Benet have you as a double T

you'd be a fucking idiot you'd be a fucking idiot to do that but I wouldn't have assumed this name was Benet just if I came across it in the wild I was doing that

for the sake of I don't know I was just making conversation I was just making small talk with you oh thanks man yeah yeah

it was getting awkward before you brought that up yeah yeah it's cornered at a party like fuck what can we talk about? Show me your license and I'll pronounce your name wrong. Yeah, how many consonants you got in your name? Oh, it's one less than I thought.

Just looking around for your girlfriend before you go to the party. Fuck, where is she? Yeah, I've got to work tomorrow. Fuck. Do you want a drink? I'm thinking I might go. I'm thinking about getting a three real quick. Yeah, yeah.

And then you just pretend you lost him. You're like, oh, mate. Yeah, I couldn't see you. I didn't move. No one else was talking to me. I went to the toilet. No shit. Yeah.

The toilet got stuck. It got stuck. Well, thanks, Mitchie. Thanks, Mitchell Benet or Bennett. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Caitlin Kearney. Caitlin Kearney. Yeah, CK. CK herself. Caitlin Kearney. K-E-. Yep, CK. CK herself.

Caitlin Kearney. K-E-A-R-N-E-Y. Kearney's one of the bullies in The Simpsons, isn't he? It is. One of Jimbo's little mates. It is. The one with the long hair, I believe? Yes.

I was thinking about this today. Kearney, very much like a background character. Lucky if he gets a line in an episode, really. Even when all the bullies are holding court. It's like Jimbo's the one who's getting all the lines And Ha Ha Guy Nelson Yeah, Nelson's the kind of front and centre

But certainly the era of Simpsons that I'm most familiar with Kearney's, you know, barely ever getting a line in But a character that I bet by now, like 35 years in or whatever I bet there's at least two episodes that are all about him I bet they've had to reach in and be like, yeah, what's Kearney's backstory? Let's see his home life and let's have a whole episode about him. Oh, it's the one where Kearney and Lisa Elopan go to Mars. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very season 35. Like I saw there's a company that's made a line of action figures of McBain and there's like from one of the films that you see in an early episode so it's like Mendoza and like McBain's partner who gets like gunned down and I was just like saw them advertised and I was like oh that's kind of cool like that's a cool little throwback

thing from I guess it's like season 4 or 5 and then I was thinking about like the character of McBain and Rainier Woolcastle and there is that point in The Simpsons where they kind of they kind of dropped off him like the Schwarzenegger parody thing. But again, it's like, I bet there's been whole episodes in the time that I've stopped watching

that are just all about Rainier Wolfcastle making a Hollywood comeback. Ah, Rainier Wolfcastle's getting me too'd. The Simpsons has done it again. They've got their finger on the pulse. Because it is funny otherwise. Someone just coming in and seeing The Simpsons on TV now and going, oh, I've never really heard of this show. I might just have a bit of a look.

And it's like, oh, this is a parody of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A movie star from the 80s. Okay. Yeah, that's great. So you don't know. You're not familiar with the show. You're watching it and it's like an episode all about Kearney.

And you're watching it and you're like, I mean, that fucking bald dad seems really funny. Why aren't they giving him more screen time? Like, have him fall off a cliff or fucking get really fat or something like that. This is a missed opportunity, guys. Having the McBain thing is like, you know, when you started watching, having like a character based on fucking Steve McQueen or something and going, oh, yeah, I guess this is good. Yeah. He's having a big, driving his car over a fucking fence in the middle of the bush.

I guess that's cool. Right, yeah, yeah. I mean, having a Schwarzenegger parody now is like, that sort of archetype doesn't really exist, does it? I guess it's kind of The Rock or... Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, those movies aren't... I mean, you'd have, I guess, a Tom Cruise-type character

or some shit like that. I'm sure they've had a Tom Cruise parody somewhere along the line. Yeah. Anyway, that's Kearney. But thank you, Caitlin Kearney. Caitlin Kearney. I like it. I'm generally not a huge fan of alliteration, but this is phonetic alliteration.

It's not the same letter. Yes. You're getting the joy of it without the name looking stupid. No offence to anyone. Yeah, I know. I'm just wondering whether we're allowed to say that we know someone with that same first name. Are we allowed to say that or not? Why do you think we might not be?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't like talking about some people that are close to me and their names. So I just wondered whether... Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, let's say that we were to say it.

What next? That's interesting, isn't it? Yeah, we know a Caitlin. We know a Caitlin that goes out with a friend of the show? Yep. A person that's a friend of the show? Yep. And that person...

Well, this is what's interesting. That person used to listen to this show and probably subscribe to this show and now yeah since they started going out with a friend of the show does not listen not listen subscribe or anything like that yep so completely off off it now yep and there's more um oh yeah do you guys still do that show it's like yeah you used to love this show yeah well i mean it's really it's the ultimate you know people put in on Patreon and they, you know, they get the two bonus episodes a week and they think, fuck, it doesn't get any better than this.

Guess what? It can. Yeah. You can snag yourself a fiance out of it. Yes. It's the ultimate, the dream of every podcast listener is to end up betrothed to a regular guest. That's what tier is that on Patreon?

Yeah, we should. Yeah. We should have a tier where it's like, we'll find you a partner from the ranks of people who've been on the show. And we just... We'll set you up with someone. On the Patreon page, we just have all the pictures of our single guests. Yeah.

Take your pick. Which, honestly, there aren't many. In fact, there might almost be none. There's a couple. No, there's a couple. There's a couple. Well, I mean, I guess that speaks to our age, I guess, now. You get to a certain age and...

Shut up. Yeah, that sort of thing happens. So, you know, 10 years ago, fucking, you know... I remember my girlfriend at the time, who's now my wife, would be like, Oh, you know, I've got single friends wife, would be like, oh, you know, I've got single friends, you know, you guys, you know, you've got single friends, what are they doing, you know? And I'm like, absolutely do not do this.

Like, not because I want to be involved in any way, I'm just like, they're all dropkicks. They're fucking comedians. Like, you don't want your friends involved in the lives of fucking comedians. Yeah, I had this conversation with my girlfriend recently, like, yeah, we've got a friend who's single and, yeah, my girlfriend got a friend who's single. And, yeah, my girlfriend was like, who could we set her up with? I'm like, I literally don't know anyone who's single.

Yeah. Which is like, that's part of the problem. Yeah. She's a single friend. It's like, there's no one left. Yeah. Everyone's fucking paired off. This sucks.

Yeah. This is fucked. Yeah. You've got to wait. You've got to wait until everyone gets divorced at 50 or something now. That's it. Second round. Yeah. Well, thanks, Caitlin. Thanks, Caitlin or something now. That's it. Second round.

Yeah. Well, thanks, Caitlin. Thanks, Caitlin Kearney. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Anthony Hutchins. Hutcho. Tony Hutch. Yeah. Now, that's a good name.

Tony Hutch. That's a good nickname. That's really good. That's chopping off the start and end of your actual name. You're just taking the riddle. Getting rid of the N and the N's and just going Tony Hutch.

Yep. Fucking some vowels off. Yeah. And consonants. Tony Hutch. If your friends don't call you that as a nickname,

fuck that. Get it going. Be that cool guy that starts a nickname for himself. Yeah. That comes off the tongue real easy.

Tony Hutch. Tony Hutch. It's a fucking pleasure to say. Yeah. I'd probably gravitate towards this It's a fucking pleasure to say. Yeah. I'd probably gravitate towards this person so I get to say it. Yeah. It's a good one to hold onto for a script.

It's a great cop name. Yeah. And also one of those guys that you get to say the full name of a lot. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's certain people that you don't mind saying their full name. Who's up there for you? Who do you love as a full namer?

Oh, that is a good question. I've said that that now i've got to provide a fucking yeah uh well to be honest straight away i've i've thought of nick capper just because for whatever i think it's less than the name and more the i just like to say his name back to him in his voice nick capper yeah yeah yeah that is a good one i think that's more that think that speaks to more how fun it is to use his voice back to him. Yeah. Yeah, but it still works. Nick Capper. Nick Capper. Tony Hutch.

Tony Hutch. Tony Hutch. Tony Hutch. Tony Hutch. But, yeah, Tony, good name. Great name. Name I wanted when I was a kid. Really?

Yeah. Why wouldn't you? Yeah. I had a very brief moment where I wanted James as my name. I don't know why. Yeah. Yeah, don't know why. James is such a boring name.

Yeah, I don't know. Was that maybe what it was? You're like, Carl sticks out too much. No. I want James. I don't know. I never really got a... Even, weirdly, in Maribor, I don't know. Was that maybe what it was? You're like, Carl sticks out too much. No. I want James. I don't know. I never really got a... Even weirdly, in Maribor, it didn't really, you know, come to me that that was like a...

Not an out there name, but like a fucking different name in Maribor, I guess. Okay, right. With a K. Just like whatever, but... James Chandler. Yeah, I don't know why. Jimmy Chandles. Yeah, Jimmy.

Jimmy Chandles. Jimmy Chuckles. Yep. But Tony. Tony Chandler. Tony's... Yeah, Chandles. Jimmy Chuckles. Yep. But Tony. Tony Chandler. Tony's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tony is a good name. Tony's kind of my nickname with some of my friends.

Right. Because my friend's mum called me Tony once. Oh, right. By accident. Right. And then now I'm just on Tony. So I spend a lot of my time referring to myself as Tony. Right.

To a set group of friends. So I kind of feel like I'm a bit of an honorary Tony. Mm. You know? And I gotta say, when I do it like I'm a bit of an honorary Tony. You know? And I've got to say, when I do it, I prefer this over Tommy. It feels nice. It would be nice if you collected the whole set and changed, had both of your names as stage names.

Tony Dasolo. Tony Dasolo. Because Tony does, Dasolo, of course, sounds Italian, despite the fact it's not Italian. It's made up. And Tony is more Italian. Absolutely. It would actually fit a lot better It's made up. No, yep. And Tony is more Italian. Absolutely. It would actually fit a lot better. Tony Dassolo.

Tony Dassolo. Is Tony, like, traditionally... Is it a traditionally Italian name or were you just thinking that because of the Sopranos? I think... Yeah. Anthony, yeah. I don't know if there's any direct lineage there or whether it's just like, you know... Yeah, no, you're right because I'm thinking of all the Italian soccer players that I can

think of. I can't think of any Tonys. I can't think of any famous soccer-playing Tonys. Maybe it's, I don't know. Antonio. It's certainly a name that you instantly think of. Yeah, but I wonder if that's... Is it more American Italian?

Oh, right, which is like the furthest away from like actual Italian culture is like the New Jersey Italian. Right. Is like so far removed from. It's like Pizza Hut. Yeah. Versus actual pizza. Yeah.

Maybe it's like. Well, that's a great Sopranos episode where they go to Italy and they're all pumped and then they get there and they fucking hate it because they can't get like. They're in this beautiful seaside town and they're having like fresh seafood and they're like, where's the fucking pizza? Right. Like they're all fucking. They're all really mad that they can't get all their bullshit new jersey italian version yeah the italians are there going like what are you fucking talking about we don't

even know what that is where's a fucking cannoli right paul is fucking hating it right just liver that he yeah that he's got to eat that he's got to lower himself to eating like fresh lobster and shit right so i think it, I think you would get, I think you would get a lot of that. I can't think of another culture that's got like that big of a chasm of just like, you know what I mean? Where a bunch of them are settled and just, and it's just gone so far removed from the country of origin.

Yeah. I mean, I think sort of semi-famously like butter chickens, like, you know, like an English invention. That's true. There's a lot of English Indian people going back to the homeland and going, where's the fucking butter chicken? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I guess that's, you're right. But I guess like deep, like Indian people that are like living in London, are they gravitating towards butter chicken to begin? I always got the impression it's been something that's just created for the white man. It's like, it's coming and the real ones are getting their fucking, you know, sake paneer or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, I could go into you tonight.

I think I'll get knocked back. You'll get knocked back? Yeah. By the Indian restaurant? Well, I'm suggesting it to my girlfriend. Oh, okay. Right. I like the idea.

You're getting knocked back. No, you're too... Your little stomach can't take it. Yeah, yeah. Not even the butter chicken. Not even a mild butter chicken. We've heard about you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just too white. You can't even do butter chicken not even a mild butter chicken we've heard about you yeah you're just too white you can't even do butter chicken fuck that's pathetic yeah that

would be that would be awesome though like walking in an indian guy just looking at you and going nah yeah nah mate no chance it is funny like you know not tonight where you go where you walk in and go right what could i do tonight and just immediately you know, nah, not pizza, not India, not Thai. Yeah, Chinese, that would work really well. Like things, not even like, like things get immediately fucking struck off. Immediately you're like, there's no way I could do that. I just don't feel, I'm not putting away a pizza.

It's not happening. It's not in that zone. And then two days later, you're the absolute opposite. It's like, that's the only thing I want. Pizza's a great one where it's like, it's rare for me that it comes into my head.

But when it does, it's so overpowering. It's like, I fucking need a pizza tonight. This isn't a preference. This has to happen or I'll kill myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've done that before where I've decided at like three in the afternoon, fuck, I could kill a pizza. That's what I'm going to do. Six o'clock, I'm going to get this pizza. And then something comes up and something gets in your way and you're like

oh my god i don't think it's gonna fucking happen yeah what the fuck am i gonna do yeah like i've been waiting to fucking get this pizza yeah this is the only thing i have to live for yeah how am i gonna fucking deal with this and you and you got to calm yourself down and go, it's just a pizza. Yeah. Just remember. Tomorrow's a new day. Yeah. Just do whatever you have to do.

Just fucking deal with this and you can have a pizza another day. Yeah, yeah. But it's fucking hard. I hit the Baymarie at Pasta Classica today. Oh, yes. Because it's always... $10. $10.

$10. Little takeaway container. Rotating selection of pastas. No social media presence for this place whatsoever. So the luck of the draw. Almost prefers cash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're up for it.

They're up for it. They have a sign on the counter saying, we accept cash. Right. You go in there. You don't know when you walk in what's going to be on offer. And today they had fucking one of my favorites in there. I was whacked. Rigatoni with a creamy Napoli and bacon sauce.

I would say I reckon I've been there three or four times and I almost could have guaranteed I had the same menu each time. Oh, really? But I might be wrong. Yeah, I go in there a little bit and it's shifting up. Sometimes there'll be like a tortellini with a cream sauce that wasn't on. But it does annoy you when you there'll be like a tortellini with a cream sauce that wasn't on. But it does annoy you when you don't feel

like a red sauce and you go in and there's like all three things in the Baymarie are some form of red sauce and you're like, you're fucking,

that's a wasted spot. When there's two next to each other that are basically the same, you're like, that is fucking wasted space. That is the, you know, it's your duty.

You've got three spaces in the Baymarie, mix it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why have two identical things? Throw a white sauce in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd love them to have some pesto, but I don't reckon they're bothering you. Oh, that'd be good. I reckon they're bothering you at the back. No it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why have two identical things? Throw a white sauce in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love them to have it got some pesto, but I don't reckon they're bothering out the back. No, this is like, what's good about that place, and it's on Smith Street, is that it is proper, proper old school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Closed on Sunday. Why would anyone want to take away pasta on a Sunday? Yeah, just like you've walked into your fucking auntie's house or whatever. Yeah, it's proper old school.

It rocks. It's really good. Like, you can buy, like, they're a wholesaler too, so you can just buy dried pasta to go home and cook. But fuck, man, hit the Baymarie. If you're in the area, pasta classica on Smith Street. You're a big chance of running into me down there. $10 for lunch.

Fucking great lunch. And also, I reckon it's taken the place of the Waiters Club. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Waiters Club in the city. Used to be like a bit of, you know, you go in there, it's like being at your fucking auntie's beach house or something like this. And, you know, cheap and all that sort of stuff. And then they slowly started fixing up the restaurant.

And all the things that attracted me to it, which was, you know, old school, cheap, you know, whatever. All of a sudden it's like, oh, this is as much as any other Italian place in town. And now I'm sort of in this sort of like half shitty, half good place. Okay. Well, why am I here? All the things I wanted are gone. Well, I'll tell you what, head down to Classica. If that's you, if you've had that complaint about a place near you, fucking hit them up.

Tell them the little dum-dum club sent you. for a 50 cent discount i'd love to get sponsored by pastor classica yeah big fucking logo big fucking logo on the chest of every shirt i'm wearing anytime i do a gig we should yeah someone who out there has a business that um fucking wants to sponsor us that that is something that we would love that That'd be fucking good. I keep seeing little, you know, podcasts around the place. Someone's got loyal listeners and it meets up with, you know, the, you know,

I mean, I know we had the chocolate mousse, you know, sponsorship for a little while. Yeah, I mean, we paved the way. Yeah, we want one of them again. We want to get sponsored by something that we fucking love. Yeah, yeah. That'd be fun.

Anyway, thanks Anthony Hutchins. Thanks Tony Hutch. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adam Henderson. Adam Henderson. That's right. Damn. It's A. Henderson. Harry and?

Harry and. I was about to bring that up, but I know that as a reference. I don't know that I've ever seen a second of it. Harry and the Hendersons. Yeah. It's a Bigfoot, right? Yes. Little Bigfoot-looking cunt.

Was it a movie that then turned into a TV show? Is that what happened? That sounds about right. I think that's what happened. John Lithgow in the movie and then no John Lithgow in the TV series. Would that be right? Maybe. What was he doing?

Well, he wasn't Harry. I think he was one of the Hendersons. No, I mean, what was he doing that he was like, the movie was fine, but no TV show for me. Well, you know, roughly that's how things work, where there's, you know, Tom Cruise not doing too many TV shows. That's true. So John Lithgow is...

But, well, I mean, this is... Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But, I mean, now it's like the, you know, TV's prestige now. Yeah, but you're still not... Again, you're still not seeing Tom Cruise. You know, the biggest prestige now. Yeah, but you're still not, again, you're still not seeing Tom Cruise. You know, the biggest, who's the, you name to me, the three biggest movie stars in the world?

Who do you reckon? What are three funny answers? Yeah. Peter Dinklage. Oh, yeah, he's not big. That's funny. Yeah, he's small. I get it. Tom Cruise. The opposites are funny. Tom Cruise because he's short, apparently. Oh, yeah, he's not big. That's funny. Yeah, he's small. I get it.

Tom Cruise. The opposites are funny. Tom Cruise because he's short apparently. Okay, yeah, yeah. I've said that already. So that's also a callback to five seconds ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a serious answer.

Bloody T-Rex from Jurassic Park. Oh, he's big and that's from a movie. There you go. That's good. We did it. We did it. Come to our comedy course, everyone. $400 for an hour.

But look, there's not too many big names doing TV still. There's a bit of surprising, you know, Julia Roberts is doing a Netflix show now, which is a little bit like, okay. Well, now the limited series is very popular. Right. So you can get a big actor in and they just basically make an eight-hour movie. Yeah.

But then again, I think that also is a little bit like Julie Roberts is in something now. You go, oh, wow, big name Julie Roberts. Name her last big movie. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Pretty Woman 2 when she went back and got fucked by like 17 clients like in the sequel.

Is that a real thing? No. No. Just one I think could be a good movie. I was like, fuck, I know what I'm watching when I'm in life. Have I never heard of this? Sounds awesome. The one she knocked back so she had to do Netflix.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One where she's just becomes the madam of a brothel instead. I hear that show's good though. The Gasly show. Pretty woman. Oh, Gasly. The new Julia Roberts.

Don't know anything about it. Joint. The new JR joint. No, Don't know anything about her. Joint. The new JR joint. No, I don't know anything about it. Fuck, what did I watch her in recently? I saw something that she was in from ages ago. It's like, damn, she's hot. She's looking good.

She's really hot. She's like the Jennifer Aniston. Oh, Notting Hill. Kept it up. I watched Notting Hill for the first time. Oh. Never seen it before. Yeah, you know what?

There's certain people that, as I've grown older, I've gone, why didn't I think they were like super attractive back then? I definitely think, yeah, I was thinking that. I was watching that and being like, damn, she's hot. Yeah. I never thought she was hot in the day. Yeah. You know who I had that with the other day, where I was like, when I was, when I, my fucking

most ragingest of hormones. Yeah. Why did not, I did not find this person attractive. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Never had a, Really? Nothing for her?

Nothing for her. Nothing for her back in the day. And then, and then now I'm like, you know, looking back in hindsight going, stunning. What the fuck was I on about?

You're inventing a time machine and going back to yourself at like 15. Yeah. You gotta jack off to this woman. You're jacking off to the wrong people. Yeah, great. And then just hopping straight back in the time machine.

Yeah, yeah. Getting home, dismantling the whole thing. Never using it again. No one else gets to use it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just all of a sudden. But then you get back to the future and you've altered the timeline

so now you're all with it. You're all like, you just used up all your fucking fluids when you were 15. Just fucking flogging your little log to julia roberts yeah imagine yeah imagine what the butterfly effect of that is yeah just like just going back and telling myself to to pull my dick to someone else and then coming back and being either homeless or the owner of ibm yeah yeah yeah yeah you'd hope because the annoying thing about doing something like that where you've changed the future

would be, you don't, it would be almost impossible for you to find out in which way, like, how that's happened. Right.

Like, the pathway, you know what I mean? Like, how, like, you've altered the future. Right. And you would want to know. So, what's the, what is the effect?

Like, I jack off to this person. Yep. What are all the steps? Yep. But you could never find that out. It would fucking drive you insane. Yeah. It's just something like, okay, well, for some reason you realize that person turned

you on a lot more. You finished a lot quicker. You had more time to then go out. And then you went into the shop a bit earlier. You ran into this person. And they went, oh, fucking, you know what? There's a position opening and blah, blah, blah. All of a sudden your whole career's changed. Fuck it,'s changed your whole life is changed by just coming a bit quicker

so many more hours in the day just by finishing up a few seconds earlier i'm just i'm just bombing at an open mic going i wasted so much time on pamela anderson if only i had i would have worked on this new material a bit more if i hadn't had to fucking beat off. If I wasn't just pausing scenes in I Know What You Did Last Summer, I could have been someone. Exactly. That's all that's stood in the way is the amount of time it takes me to come when I'm beating off. Fuck yeah. That would be a great thing to say if you ever met Pamela Anderson. You fucking stopped me from being a superstar.

Fuck, I bet those sorts of people are getting that stuff very regularly. Yes. The DMs. Yes. Some longbows here. Yeah, I wonder if anyone ever actually, yeah, did blame. I mean, look, to be one of these people and be responsible for that many hours of jerking off. That many seeds being spilled.

That's weirdly enough a very heavy load on your shoulders to bear. Yeah, it really is. Yeah, that's, I don't know, that's, maybe that should have been the title when people used to have those like, you know, sexiest person alive. Imagine if you had that where it was like, they just tried to quantify that by roughly estimating how many litres of sperm. Most beaten off two persons. How many litres of sperm have been dedicated to those people? Fuck yeah. That would be good.

Awesome. You're welcome, Adam Henderson. Thank you, Adam Henderson. For that chat. All right, let's just do one more. As I said, we're recording this just before. I've got to set up the chairs for Basement Comedy Club. You've got to go home and beg your girlfriend to let you have a paneer.

No, I offered to cook and then we recorded something before this and one of the guests ran an hour late. So now I'm cruising in at dinner time being like, oh, the apps are serving pretty good. That person wasn't on this episode. This person is in maybe next week's episode and you can have a little guess. Maybe even the week after that. Oh, yes.

Yeah, in a couple of weeks. You could maybe guess who could possibly be running at one hour late to our show. So let's just do

one more. I've got to get balls deep into fucking comedy admin. That's it. The most showbiz thing you can do.

Thank you very much. Oh, okay. Right. Okay. This is to... Oh, okay. Right. Okay. This is weird. Well, not weird. I like it.

Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jennifer Loves Comedy. Jennifer Loves Comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, right. So this is like... So it's not a hyphenated name.

Her middle name is Loves. No, it's hyphenated. Oh, hyphenated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but... Yeah, so that maybe that's... I could come to this name pretty quickly. Is that her? Yeah.

Is that her? I mean, I don't know if she got divorced and got rid of the Hewitt. Kicked Hewitt to the curb. And married, I don't know, say a Mr. Comedy or something like that. And just adopted that name. But, man, that could be her. Okay. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, that is cool. Yeah. I know what you did last summer. Bomb at an open mic. Yeah. Yep, very nice. All right, guys. Thanks, that is cool. Yeah. I know you did last summer. Bomb at an open mic. Yeah. Yep. Very nice. All right, guys.

Thanks, everyone, for listening. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Get on there. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We've got the new Milan t-shirts up on there that you can grab. We've got a bunch of, you know, we don't plug that enough, I guess, but we have a bunch of t-shirts. We've got the old school, the perennial aware of.

I'm aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. We've got the burger logo t-shirt that people got the the old school the the perennial um aware of i'm aware of the little dumb dumb club we got the burger logo t-shirt the people people can never get enough of yeah um and we've got a few little we still got we've got a very small handful of talking dumb dumb t-shirts so if you get in and get the very last sizes then they're the last ones and my pet my pet love is the the girl size t-shirts that I always think I'm doing the right thing and ordering in and then absolutely no one buys them. No one buys them, yeah.

So if you're a girl and you want a girl size of most of our shirts, you're in luck. You're in luck. Every size is available. Yes, yes. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening

and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.