The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 624 - Dave Hughes & Peter Helliar

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

This week we’re joined by two superstar guests: DAVE HUGHES and PETER HELLIAR! It’s a jam-packed episode as Pete bravely recounts his recent death, Hughesy’s been getting amongst the Sydney stand-up scene, Karl’s been to Singapore with his family, we reminisce about 9/11 for some reason, and HEAPS more!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Dave Hughes and Peter Hellier. If you are in Melbourne, you can come and see us live very shortly, October the 22nd. That's right. It's our 12th birthday show, Tommy. 12 years of the podcast. You can come and celebrate that. It'll be a very special show. As you well know, that's happening very soon, guys. If you're in Melbourne, come along. Even if you're not from Melbourne, you are allowed to come.

There are several companies that facilitate that with air travel. Yep. You can come check that out. It's a Saturday evening. It's going to be huge. Great special guests and a lot of fun. Tickets for that are at littledumbdumbclub.com. You can also find the link to our Patreon there.

You can get on, support the show, and get two bonus mini-episodes every week. We will be back to talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Dave Hughes and Peter Hellyer. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Peter Hellyer and Dave Hughes. Oh, my God. Yes. Thank you. If this was a plane, if this podcast was a plane, we'd have to have you on each wing, I reckon.

One on each wing. We don't go on the same plane, mate. Yeah. I can't handle that. I'm going to be very strict on that. Comedy Air Force One. I don't go on the same plane, mate. Yeah. I can't handle that. You don't want to be very strict on that. Comedy Air Force One. I don't want to split

the front page, you know what I mean? I want the whole front page. You don't want to be the odd spot. I want the wraparound. I want an insert. What lift-out special do you want?

Like 12 pages? I just want the first eight pages. Do you get a state funeral? What do you reckon? No, I don't reckon I get a state funeral. No, actually actually not from this state, maybe another state.

Not with this government anyway. Definitely not. Dan is not giving you a state funeral. I died on Twitter early this year. I was at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival seeing our good friends Judith, Lucy and Denise Scott and my friend. We hear a lot of that by the way on this podcast. I died at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival seeing our good friends Judith, Lucy and Denise Scott and my phone... We hear a lot of that by the way on this podcast

I died at the Melbourne Comedy Festival Mainly from the host but yeah G'day to Ben Lomas if you're listening I just plucked out a name You picked it beautifully Thank you G'day Benny

My phone started pinging and I was meeting Limo, phone started pinging, and I was meeting Limo. I was with a mate, and I was meeting Limo afterwards at the pub, and I thought – and the girls ran a little bit over, you know. I think the show was scheduled to go a bit longer anyway. And I was like, sit down, Limo. I'll be at the pub soon, mate. And then the show finished, got out my phone, and it was all these messages from my manager

and from the EP of the project kind of saying, my manager was like, are you? Are you dead? She was more subtle, like, did you get to the show? Please tell me you got to the show and you're at the show. And the EP of the project just went, Twitter says you're dead. Is this true?

The project always goes straight to the source. Yeah, but then you're, because you're in the show this true? The project always goes straight to the source. Yeah, but then you're, because you're in the show, so they're not getting a reply to that. No. For an hour and a half, they're thinking, he's dead. It was at the Arts Centre. Well, this was at the end of the show.

I didn't get on my phone until the show was finished. It's at the Arts Centre, so there's no reception until you get, so I'm not sure how it was even coming through. But anyway, I got up there and I checked on Twitter. It's like, number one trending on Twitter was Peter Helly is dead. Never a good thing, by the way. Never a good thing. No, no, no.

You have more experience than I do in this kind of thing. So I'm going, this is weird. And, you know, we're kind of laughing because I know I'm not dead. That was a good thing. Yeah. So, but I'm walking through the streets going, okay, if Twitter's saying I'm dead and people think I'm dead, why is this city still operating? Like, why hasn't the festival been shut down? And then I read something, and I was basically being trolled in death. They're still trolling you in death.

They're still trolling me in death. They weren't. And that's when I knew I wasn't going to get grandstand named after me at the MCG. I'm like, there's no fucking thing to hell your stand going. If I was you in that moment, I would have quickly gone home, gotten a sheet,

you know, paint my face white and just walk into the back of some people's comedy festival shows and start haunting them. The ghost of Peter Hellier, how dare you still perform

when an icon has passed away. Did you even have half a second where you thought, maybe I am dead. Maybe life goes on when you're dead

and you just go through anyway. I tried to walk through a wall and you just go through anyone. I tried to walk through a wall and it just did not happen. It's a wonderful hellier. There's lessons to be learnt. Did you alert people straight away as soon as you knew you were meant to be dead or did you leave a little bit? I text my manager, but what was interesting to a degree.

Don't text your manager too much because they can't take 30% of something that isn't alive. Were you with your wife at the time? No, I was interesting to a degree. Don't text your manager too much because they can't take 30% of something that isn't alive. Were you with your wife at the time? No, I was with my mate Joe. Wouldn't you text her first? No, no. This is what happened. This is what I got Friday night.

Don't move on. Don't shack up with anyone else. She's already got another bloke in there. I've been treating you for five minutes. Take that out of your mouth. It wasn't cheating you were dead that never happened

I did ring her she was on the phone to the insurance company no I I what was interesting and then I text my three sons

and I said listen there's something on Twitter saying I'm dead something about me that's alive and I'm well I still have not

heard back from them. Nice. Nice. I've been living a lie. Boys, it's not your fault but I'm dead. I did ring Bridge and she had no idea

that the rumour was out there so she's like, okay, fine. We'd like to think so since she hadn't rung you yet. Yeah, it's a good point. It's a really good point.

Down the beach house. Oh, well. Did you get to the genesis? Did you find the first tweet that said you were dead? Yeah, there was a bloke, a real estate agent called Peter Hellyer who died in a car accident in California. Oh, really? So somebody...

I was going to say, how did you die? But yeah. I honestly hope his family aren't just like you know because your name's going to come up on google for this podcast and it was it was bizarre because it was uh you know you get i mean to me and lima and my joe just going through like the tweets and people are just trolling you like in death yeah and and listen i don't know if some of them knew that i wasn't actually dead like they were because i had tweeted i had tweeted since the news of my death and actually they would not have seen that so there's one guy who like and i've taken screenshots it'll probably

be part of my festival show next year uh but i've taken screenshots there's one guy who like wrote this really intricate quite a well-written kind of thing, like the eighth wonders of the world, and he listed all of them and said, the last one was like Peter Hellier's career. To this day, it hasn't had a single like. Well, even from you. I'm tempted to contact him and say, how do you feel about your tweet?

You made some time to think about it. Get in touch on the year anniversary to see, still no likes. I thought I was dead. you feel about your tweet? You've had some time to think about it. Get in touch on the year anniversary. Still no likes. I thought I was dead. How about your fucking tweet? Another thing I would have been tempted to do in your shoes, Pete, just leave it, you know? Go into hiding, not comment on it.

Get up the next day and see what's happening in the eulogy comics trip in the newspaper. See what they're going with. I do get a bit excited when someone massive passes away. It's like, hell yeah, we're going to see

a bit of badly drawn pearly gates tomorrow. Especially when a bunch of people are signing What's St. Peter's saying to Pete Hellyer? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like David Bowie

on the other side of the gates. Come on in, mate. Yeah, yeah. St. Peter's probably saying, welcome to my space. Oh, that's right.

Boom. There we go. Mark Knight, take note. Yeah, exactly. What would There we go. Mark Knight, take note. Yeah, exactly. What would Husey's be? Husey's obituary card. Husey, you have a problem.

Yeah, there we go. You're in the wrong place. You're supposed to be further down. I've got a packet of Dave Husey. He was all dead. I swear to God, I was walking in the street yesterday and a woman just said, oh, that joke. She said, yesterday, that joke, your Snake's Alive joke.

I'm like, mate, it's 20 fucking years ago. It's having a renaissance, isn't it? It's really come back in the last couple of years. It's never gone. It never went. You should do, you know how bands will do that? I don't know if I've said this to you before. Bands will do the, like, you know, they'll play, like,

the 20th anniversary of an album and they'll play it in full. Your festival show next year should be Dave Hughes performs Snake's Alive in its entirety. In full. In order. Plus fan favourites. In order.

In the correct order. Set up then punchline. Not just saving it for the closer. Yeah. There we go. Different comics. Is it like a

line of comics come on and just deliver that joke? Yes. One after another. Their interpretation. Absolutely. I'm not sure. I was going to say

Pete Hellyer the real estate guy the actual guy that died that would be interesting for the family to get up and see it trending

and go oh okay this is nice and then half the tweets are like well fuck this guy he wasn't funny anyway he was a real estate

guy give him a go just got to be a bit charming, a bit personable. That's all that's required in the job. Yeah, respectful.

Yeah, but you are the most famous Peter Hallier in the world, I would say, wouldn't you be? I reckon I could take that title. I'm not sure how good a real estate agent he was.

He probably, you know, full of respect to the family. Yeah. But what was interesting about the fact that I only heard from people who were kind of in the industry, and we always think that everyone's on Twitter,

but really it wasn't until it was reported in the paper the next day that it was a mistake. People were asking for proof of life, kind of tongue-in-cheek to find a newspaper. You know how hard it is to find a proof of life newspaper these days. It's a lot easier. So that photo was in the paper the next day. And then so people kind of responded based on that.

So as much as we think nobody's buying newspapers and everyone's on Twitter, nobody who is an actual kind of non-showbiz kind of friend got in touch with the initial death was reported. That's funny that the whole thing just gets reported in the paper the next day. Hey, here's a story about a thing that happened, and then, by the way, it also didn't happen.

It's like, why is this in the paper then? But you're glad it made the paper, because when you do die, you'd like to think it made the paper. So you're not dying. It's a good old test. It's a good test. It's a real good teaser for you. I think it's good for you.

Thanks, mate. A bunch of years ago, that happened to me, didn't it, where for some reason someone decided they were going to put R.I.P. Carl Chandler, someone from the podcast, and then the whole, all our listeners went crazy with it. Big party, parade in the street. Yeah, a million tweets, and you know, whoever's at Twitter was like, nah,

I'm not going to stick this in the fucking trending. There was like a million tweets about it. That's disappointing. They're like looking at it going, nah, we're not putting him in the algorithm. You wanted it there, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, we're not putting him in the algorithm. You wanted it there, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. It was like by numbers

it should have been there. I think that was probably a different time of Twitter where they kind of cared about the integrity about it. They thought it had some kind of...

Times have changed. Yeah. The fact that the hellier one made it in when clearly that's people fucking around. I think now they're just like, let's just

go by the numbers. Let's treat it as a true meritocracy. Dave, you've been up in Sydney. You're doing radio up there. Absolutely, yes. And what I hear around the traps is that Dave Hughes taking to the Sydney stand-up scene like a duck to water. I hear you're absolutely thriving up there.

No, I do love it. I've rediscovered the small rooms. And apart from Carl's brilliant rooms, I haven't really been doing small rooms much over the years but carl again the basement and whatever else he does the um spleen are great but i didn't do them that much but now i swear to god i love it so much i love doing carl's rooms and i love the sydney rooms of just getting up in front of like 15 people i've been maybe more than 15 but i i i went through the same thing i had a real kind of thing of like 15 people. Maybe more than 15, but I went through the same thing. I had a real kind of thing of like, you get used to playing bigger rooms

and then you kind of, so you have a weird anxiety about playing small rooms. And then I kind of, in my head I went, nah, just enjoy it. And the basement was actually a big part of it.

It's like, the basement's a great room. Just enjoy it. There's always more than 15 people. No, yours is not 15. I'm talking about Sydney rooms. Your rooms have got more than 15 people. I think you always want more than 15 people though.'s always more than 15 people. No, yours is not 15. I'm talking about Sydney rooms. Your rooms have got more than 15 people. You always want more than 15 people, though. No, but, yeah, you do, but you take what you get.

You know what I mean? So I'm like... Yeah. I heard you're... And look, this is just hearsay. Correct me if this is wrong. Yes, yeah. I hear you've been looking at starting your own room up there.

Oh! Dave Hughes Comedy Funhouse. No, look, I... The masked comedian. He's in a bar texting people being like, oh, this place would be great for comedy. No, I was in Bondi recently and I need to go to the toilet, to be honest.

And there was a... And I was like, I need somewhere I can have a shit. They should run a gig here. Exactly what happened This is good Yeah this is a good Good sound in this cubicle We could get

The other two people It was a It was a It was a Like an expat I don't know I think it was English actually Yep

So he didn't know who I was And that hurt me But It was a little bar On Bond Have you taken your shit yet Have you taken your shit Yeah

First thing I did Was take the shit I was like I need to go to the toilet. Yeah, zero beer. So I sat with the zero beer because I wanted to pay for my shit. And so I'm sitting on the bar on my own. I do that a bit as well.

I'm a bad one for getting caught short. And then you go and you buy a pint of Coke and then just let it sit there. And they go, are you going to drink this? Like, no, I'm going to go and take a shit. I'm not going to drink it when I come back either. You've got the money. The transaction's over. I ordered a coffee. I'm not going to drink it when I come back either. You've got the money. This transaction's over. I ordered a coffee.

Actually, the dock lands one day. I ordered a coffee and then I went to take a shit. And I came back and the woman behind the counter said, I'll make you a fresh one. What's the logic there? Oh, okay. I was going cold and I'm like, I'm so immortified. I thought you were saying you took the coffee into the toilet.

I was sitting there and it got cold. And by the time I got out of the toilet, yeah, she wanted to make me new one. I felt terrible about how I'm not being used. I had a moment recently. We'll get back to you doing sound up rooms. But just to, I had an experience at Channel 10 recently in Sydney where I needed to go to the bathroom. And the ones that you usually go to near make-up were out of order for some reason. So there's ones where you've got to pass,

there's a corridor, it's got a little bit hidden in a way and you pass all these pictures of, I was on one of them, you were on one of the other ones and I go in there and it's like a locker room and it's only got one toilet,

the rest are showers and it's a locker room and I go in there. Are there pictures of you guys on the wall no we're channel 10 oh channel 10 I forgot what you were talking about

questions to Stan we're like Jim Morrison we're just everywhere I got lost I thought we were in a bar what have you done for channel 10 why would you be on the wall

there's so many glory holes they're really they're really fun and um and so I go into this uh cubicle and it was not left in a very nice condition. And all I needed was a piss, all right? So I go, oh, right.

A lot of toilet paper. You're going to get blamed for this. Yeah, so I just leave, or I can just... There's a picture of you on the cubicle at the front. You've got to clean it. You're going to get blamed for it. There's a penis coming out of Hughie's mouth. You've got to clean it. You'll give me a blame for it.

There's a penis coming out of Hugh's mouth. I take a breath. I go in, get it done, out. And I'm washing my hands. And I guess he walks out of the door. One of the icons of Channel 10. Sandra Sully. Not quite.

In the men's toilets. In the men's toilets. He could have been in a change room. He could have been in a dressing room. He could have been in a dressing room. You're close. Hugh Rimmington. Oh. And I was going, I get out of here.

I didn't quite put it together. And then he walks in and I realise, fuck, there's only one cubicle. He goes there. And he's a journalist. He's going to figure it out. And he's been in fucking war zones. He's professional, though. He wouldn't have...

He's had mortar goes off around him. And I'm just like, oh, he's a nice guy. He wouldn't have He's had mortar Goes off around And I was like He's a nice guy You won't even flinch Opens the lid He's got that ring In his ears Like in the movies

PTSD Yeah yeah He sends them hell holes Well he He checked it out And I just avoided him Avoided him for the rest of the day And then a few weeks later I spoke to him I said mate I need to I need to bring something up and I just avoided him. I avoided him for the rest of the day. And then a few weeks later, I spoke to him.

I said, mate, I need to bring something up. Because I just kept on. Every time we spoke to him in the project, I was just wondering if he had these weird thoughts about me. And I said, mate, explain what happened. I said, did you think that I had left that? And he goes, to be honest, I have thought of you a little bit differently.

Wow. Well, how would he not think that? You should have cleaned up, man. Seriously. Was there a toilet? Was there a dunny brush? No, there's none of that. little bit differently. Wow. Well, how would he not think that? You should have cleaned up, man. Seriously. Was there a Dunny brush? I often do clean up. I often do clean up behind my mother. Often?

Wow. I do. I do. And there's a level, if it was that bad, you needed chemicals, to be honest. No brush, that fucking kills you, doesn't it? You've got to have a brush. Oh, my God. My wife hates the brush, that fucking kills you, doesn't it? You've got to have a brush. Oh my God. My wife hates the brush,

by the way. She thinks it's disgusting because you sit it beside the toilet and it just sits there. It gets paper in there. I mean, it is,

but you know, it's very necessary. Being in a hotel or something where there's no brush and you've just had a, you know, a brutal time in there.

I had a romantic weekend again at Bondi set up for my wife to come and join me. And I had to go to the toilet just before she entered the, you know. There was no brush. Pop that in your favourite bar. There was no brush. Pop that in your gig and do a shit there.

There was just no romance. The romance was gone. So where are you writing your comedy room? Hugh's Comedy Fun House coming to this bar in Bondi. There's a bar in Bondi and it's got a basement. So you know basements like Carl's basement. I thought I said, man, this is perfect for comedy. And he was super excited.

I got his number and he's texting me. I can't be bothered organising it. So I rang a couple of people. I rang Sam Taunton. I said, mate, do you want to do this? And he was, I don't know where he was. He couldn't be bothered. But it will start.

It's a great, imagine. A franchise. Dave Hughes presents Carl Chandler's comedy character. Brackets, Sydney chapter. Bondi. Absolutely. In a summer's day in Bondi. Come for the toilet, stay for the comedy.

Summer's day in Bondi, you want to get into a basement. Yeah, when you think Bondi, you think Husey and Chandler. Straight out of the water, straight into the basement, keep the togs on, love it. Good angle for a room. Every actor that takes the stage is just glistening, naked chest. Yeah, I love it. There's a lifeguard in there in case you're bombing,

in case you're dying up there. Someone comes in and saves you off the big chair. Hoppo. I was trying to off the big chair. Hoppo. I was trying to think of the buddy. Hoppo. You think of a joke. We've all done that.

And you can't quite remember the name of the guy. Who was the basement guy in Austria? Joseph Fritzl. I was thinking Schnitzel. Schnitzel's comedy room. Schnitzel's comedy room.

Fritzl's Bondi comedy. Fun house. I don't love Fritzl. Obviously, I don comedy room. Schnitzel's comedy room. Fritzl's Bondi comedy funhouse. I don't love Fritzl. Obviously, I don't love anything he did. Well, bold. You and your staunch opinions. You'll be trending again after this comes out. Big statements being made.

Don't worry, we can edit that out in case you don't want that out there. In case you change your mind down the track. Maybe just stand by being anti-Fritzl. But yeah, you're in the muck up there in Sydney. You're rolling around with the little Sydney open mic gig pigs. Absolutely. You've got a routine about pegging now. I do.

Influenced by the scene. No, you're trying to say that I stole that joke, aren't you? No, no, no. For God's sake. Don't steal jokes. It gets back to everybody in Melbourne. Don't steal jokes. It gets back. everybody in Melbourne. I don't steal jokes. It gets back.

All right, I'll explain the situation in case the comedian is listening. I got a message on Instagram saying, you're my idol and you've stolen my joke. And I'm like, what's he talking about? Hang on, what? Is this real? Is that what you're referring to? No, I'm not.

I'm just saying you learnt it. I heard that you learnt about it from other people. Oh, no, have I told you the extra part? Yes, no, it's true. This is a true story. But someone is claiming I stole the joke because they had put something about pegging on Instagram. Right.

Apparently I'd liked it. Anyway, I can't remember liking it. But I was on stage and I had to go back to my diary to prove to this person that I'd come up with it before they had put it on Instagram. Oh, well. And lucky I diarise every day now. So whatever I do, like this will get in there, guys. Oh, nice. And lucky, I diarise every day now, so whatever I do, like, this will

get in there, guys. Oh, nice. That's great. All right. My easy story. I'm going to start pulling out the A shit.

We're going to be in Easy's manifesto for a manuscript every day, but I'll say I came here. Anyway. Car with a K, by the way.

Yes. I know it's car with a K. It's on my phone. Easy rang me yesterday saying we're doing Dum Dum. Do you want to, by the way. Yes. I know it's Carl with a K. I saw it on my phone. He usually rang me yesterday saying, we're doing Dum Dum. Do you want to rehearse or something? And I was like, have you ever been on this podcast in the world?

I was trying to change the venue, all right? But I had to ring Carl back because he never got back to me. So Fitzroy, here we come. Because I'm in the other side of town. Where were you pitching the idea? Where was the venue going to be? Hawthorne. Oh, well, Hawthorne's a bit closer.

I mean, the project would have been good to do it from there. I don't know what you guys... I don't know how mobile you guys are. We just do the podcast on the project. That would have been good. That would have been the best. Do it at the desk. Do it at the desk.

They don't need it until 6.30. Yeah, exactly. It could be like that Joseph Coney special. After the main show, just do an hour of Dundum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A real atrocity. He did the Coney special. No, I didn't do Joseph Coney special. After the main show, just do an hour of Dundun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A real atrocity. You did the Coney special. No, I didn't do the Coney special.

Yeah, I heard about the Coney special. They swapped me out for Todd Sampson. Todd? Todd, yes. Oh, because you didn't want him to be caught. You were pro-Coney. You were pro-Coney. You were trying to hide it.

I'm like, I've got shit to say about Coney. I'm like, what's going on here? And Todd's coming in for the Coney special. Open the packet of child soldiers. That was a brief moment. It wasn't the Coney special. Then he came and went quick, didn't he? And the guy who did it ended up nude running down the street.

The guy who made the video. Who's Charlie Pickering. What were we talking about? I can't remember. Oh, yeah. You being in the bedroom. I know. Pegging. Yeah. Yes. All right. You love pegging. I didn't can't remember. Oh, yeah. You being in the bedroom. I know. Pegging.

Yeah. Yes. All right. You love pegging. I didn't steal the joke. I was backstage at the factory, actually, in Marrickville, which is a good venue. And a comedian was on stage, a young comedian, and they said, my girlfriend pegged me last night.

And I'm like, what? And I'm seriously backstage. I said, what was he talking about? You're thinking like clothes peg. Yeah. Yeah. like, what? And I'm seriously backstage. No idea. I said, what was he talking about? You're thinking like clothes peg. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was.

I didn't know. And I, and, and someone then, you know, Cassie Workman, you know, Cassie Workman. Yeah. She, she said, I'll sort this out, mate. And she told me all about it. Rich history of pegging on this podcast. She told me all about it. Yep.

So I went on stage and said, oh, you know, I thought it was, you know, I thought it was, you know. I thought it was the clothes pegging and my kids peg me all the time. And I was, I mean, it's a good joke. But anyway, I didn't steal it off this other comedian. Right. Who put it on Instagram about a week later. Right. Anyway, so.

But the other comedian, I'm sure, was doing a great job. Because on this podcast I think on this podcast Pegging came up And I did think it was I used to talk about Merrick Watts Often

Putting clothes Pegging on people's Packs It's pegging Yeah it's pegging So I did that on this podcast A while ago So I'm stalling off you

Yes I haven't done a routine about it Someone Someone sent me This can go everywhere This stealing of jokes Someone sent me A this can go everywhere, this stealing of jokes. Someone sent me an Instagram reel the other day saying, Jim Carrey's stealing your gear.

Jim Carrey's stealing my gear? Smoking. Jim Carrey was doing an interview, I think it was recently, he's got a big beard and he goes, you know, I've got this big beard but I shave my balls, you know, and it was a good laugh and it's referring to a joke I used to do years ago where I would say, young blokes, they've all got big beards, but you go into the change rooms at the swimming pool

and they've got nothing on downstairs. Right. Yeah. Anyway, I prepared it better at the time. I was like, was Jim Carrey going to steal that? He might have stolen it. I don't know. Punch that up for the Sydney Basics.

He might have still. I'd punch that up for the Sydney Basics. I'm giving Jim Carrey a leave pass on that joke. Good for you, mate. I remember my first year of comedy, I had a joke. And then my very first year, and I still had the day job and everything. So people came to my show that worked with me and saw the joke. And then the next night or something, you're on the gala and you basically had the same joke.

What was it? It was something like... Something stolen probably. No. Good to be here. My name's Carl Chandler. What was it? I'm fat.

It was something... Was it Maximum Chips by any chance? I've never done Maximum Chips. It was something about, you know, when a bird shits on you, that's good luck. It's like... Oh, you come over here and I'll shit on you. Yeah, yeah. It was something..., you know, when a bird shits on you, that's good luck. It's like, oh. Oh, you come over here and I'll shit on you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was something. Yeah, yeah. Pretty simple joke. So I had a joke like that. You had a joke like that. And then it was funny because in the workplace, like I had the joke. They all knew that joke.

And then you did it. And then everyone was confronted me at the desk going, I can't believe Hughes, he stole your joke. And I'm like, mate, he didn't steal my joke. I didn't steal your joke. He didn't. I think there's a lot of people that can come up with that concept and whatever. And I was thinking, yeah, that's fine.

It was just my workplace. And I remember that joke used to go all right. And then the next night I went out and did it at the festival show and it got nothing. You just feel a room full of people going, that's fucking huge, this joke. The stones. It's been on the gala and you're like, I'll be able to ride this wave. I'll be able to just roll this out and get away with it. Give it a week, mate.

It'll be refreshing. I haven't done that joke for years. I'm going just roll this out and get away with it. Give it a week, mate. It'll be refreshing. I haven't done that joke for years. I'm going to do that again, actually. Fuck it. Yeah, this guy, if you're listening, QZ loves pegging, all right? Get over it. He'll rip you off. Mad pegger for years, haven't you?

I've done it. It's a real thing now, isn't it? People are pegging left, right? It's a big move for a sex act when someone goes, this needs a nickname. This needs a snappy little phrase to describe it. It's really being discussed in mainstream forums, not just here. That's what I'm talking about on Studio 10 the other day.

Studio 10? 9.30 in the morning? Over brunch? I don't know. What do you reckon? Doody's really being inspired to that show. He really is. Wow. Well, speaking of the project, we've got an ex-star of the project.

We've tagged him a bit over the years. Absolutely. Pete, you replaced Hughsey as the funny guy, I guess, on the project. I've been there nearly the whole time, but just as like a freelancer. I've been there nearly the... Yeah, long time now, hasn't it? 2009 it started. Yeah.

I did a thing the other day and it's a great breeding ground it's great for comedians because there's a lot of writers

that get employed behind the scenes it's a great breeding ground for TV writers which is a nice way of saying it doesn't pay that well

something nice way of saying that not in this instance alright let's wrap it up it's the ring well the good thing is if I get sacked I'm not losing that much money nice way of saying that not in this instance alright let's wrap it up let's wrap it up well the good thing is if I get sacked I'm not losing that much money

so yeah but what it is no it does employ a lot of comedians on the show which is great and what we do behind the scenes

is you know we do a lot of stuff like Pete on the show for you you're the vessel that everyone tries to write for. Your job is basically stuff will come up and you'll have your take on everything

and then you'll have a bit of a scan of what our takes are. And if you think our takes are a bit better than that, maybe you'll chuck something. And so we're all sort of sitting there praying that you choose our joke or whatever. And it's like, oh, great. Pete thinks it's good enough. That gets on the air and that's a great win. Awesome. Whereas when we used to write with Hughesy,

Hughesy would like, you'd see Hughesy pick up the list of jokes and go, fuck this and just do whatever, whatever you want. Like we're sitting there all afternoon writing jokes

and then saying, except for the bird shitting on you thing, that's right at the index. There'd be a story about a horse getting stuck, his head stuck in the toilet and we're writing all these jokes and then Hughesy would just disregard all of it and go,

horse has got his head in the dunny, that's no good. And then like round of applause. It's like, oh, fucking why use our jokes when you can get a round of applause for that? Yeah, over the years I've never really, well, I just haven't, I respect good jokes, but I have trouble believing in a joke if I didn't write it. And it's not a good joke.

It's just that I've tried before and just butchered other people's jokes. And I feel bad for that person and I feel bad for myself. It's a horrible feeling when you do that. They're certainly good to have because there are some days where, you know, your head's not in the game or whatever. Because you're in meetings when we get into it and we're dead. And because I'm dead. And if your joke's a 7 out of 10 and you find an 8 out of 10 on the page,

I'll pick that one. That's why you're employed. Good to have. So part of the job in their writing is that. And part of it is there's sort of a bit of busy work in there where they give you a few tasks and you go is this really necessary is this really a thing so part of that is uh there's on there's on the project template website there's articles so part of the writer's job is to write these articles and i don't know if anyone reads these articles at all like to be honest you get this on these articles and you go no one is fucking

reading these like that's website you cannot navigate that fucking website you're probably right anything you probably tested yeah you cannot find the fucking articles on there so i'm like this is a fucking waste of time so i only had to write my first article on there like a couple of months ago and i'm writing it the full idea of like who the fuck cares i'm watching other people writing articles and what they're basically doing is like getting a Daily Mail article switching a few words around so you don't get caught like a bit of a high school job

so you're not plagiarising anything and just chucking that in there and that'll do and whatever. Change the adjective slightly. Yeah, yeah. Once per sentence. You're cheating basically. A little bit of that.

Your words, not mine. So, anyway. So I'm like, well I've got an hour to write this. I'm going to make this what I think it should be, a comedy article. He wants to get paid more, this guy. I should say for the listener, Pete and Dave look very uncomfortable. Where is this going?

What rabbit hole are we being led down? No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. I was getting sued. But the only person getting in trouble is me off this. Don't worry. So I write this. So they give me the article that, you know, you've sort of got to base it on, which is the story is there's a hotel in Melbourne, right,

that have done this thing where they've got this concept, this new special, this new deal. I don't know if they've got any more where they go. Right, you know that hotel thing where you like to go to a hotel and you like to pinch a bit of stuff on the way out. You pinch some soap, you might pinch a hand towel. You know, you like that little souvenir. You like to call it souveniring, it's stealing. You're stealing a bit of stuff at a hotel.

So their pitch is, right, come to our hotel. This is our new, if you remember, this is our new deal. You can steal whatever you want out of the hotel. Whatever you want out of the hotel room, you can carry it out. Including TVs? Well, the thing is, it's two grand a night to stay in there.

Yeah, right. But you can steal whatever you want. And so they basically put out all the towels and all the sort of whatever. And so I'm like, well, this is such a dumb idea. So my comedy idea for it is basically the article is like saying, yeah, I've heard of these places where you can go into a room and take whatever you want out and pay money. It's called a fucking shop. Yeah, good joke.

So it goes like that for like 300 words or so, right? So this is your idea for the article. You've had a one-liner and then you're like, oh, how do I stretch this out? Exactly, exactly, exactly. So there's 300 words flipping their sentence around. Hey, reader, where are you from? What are you doing for a living?

So it goes like that. So then the last line of it is something like, it actually gives the detail. So, you know, if this sounds good to you, go into X hotel, it's this much,

and, you know, and have a ball and walk out with a towel under your arm, you know, maybe a, whatever else there is, you know,

a bit of soap and then maybe, and if you can unhook it, a ceiling fan. Right, good. Nice little line at the end, whatever. Anyway, I go into the meeting the next week and, you know, I'm doing one day a week. I walk in and they go, oh, Chandler. Fucking hell, the guy that wrote the article.

I'm like, oh, what do you mean the article? It's like, this is my first, the first time they've trusted me with writing the article that no one reads. And they're like, oh, fucking your article last week like what do you mean they go well put it this way i walk past someone like some of the some production head and uh they're on the phone all i could hear was the one-sided conversation which was yes yes um sorry about the article about your hotel yes sorry like we didn't we didn't say you have to go in there and pinch the ceiling fan we didn't encourage go in there and pinch the ceiling fan. We didn't encourage people to go and steal the ceiling fan.

Of course we wouldn't encourage people. It was a comedy article. Yes, sorry, sorry, sorry. No, Willie didn't write that. We have writers in there. No, you're not encouraging. So then I get in trouble for encouraging people. So they were furious.

The hotel was fucking furious. Was it an advertorial though or was the hotel paying Channel 10 do you know no no no not at all just chill out

honestly for god's sake yeah exactly god I mean but lawyers would have had to get involved probably exactly but it means more people

read the template articles so get on template everybody exactly this part of the site that you think no one looks at this hotel then the next day

they're just ceiling fans all gone from the hotel it's like wow more readers on this part of the site that you think no one looks at, this hotel, then the next day they're just ceiling fans all gone from the hotel. It's like, wow, more readers on this part. We should start to take this bit of the site more seriously. Fuck, I would love that. I would love that if that happened. But yeah, I think no one's reading this.

And then fuck, I carry the can straight away. So have you been entrusted with doing any articles? It was a few weeks later until I got that gig again. Yeah, yeah. They didn't go straight to me. You don't want to annoy sponsors, though. And that's, you know, it's a fine line. I was doing a thing for the radio today where I was, like,

sucking up to Qantas, you know, saying, can you come back and sponsor us? You know, you did such a great job last time. And I know that on the comedy special I've got coming out, I hang shit on Qantas. And I say, yeah, I can't do this on radio because they sponsor the show. But now that's going on a comedy special. Yeah.

So you're trying to get them back on board with the radio show before the comedy special comes out. But I just think Qantas, they've had a tough time. Yep. Yeah. But my management said, oh, do you want to put that in there? They do sponsor the show. And I think it's funny.

But you were telling us before the show you've been having a bit of other editorial issues with the specials. Yeah, I've got to, yeah. I've got to, look, I do a joke involving Anthony Albanese. And, you know, it won't be easy under Albanese, you know. And I do that as a joke. And obviously it was a ridiculous ad which clearly didn't work. And before the federal election, it was all,

it won't be easy under Albanese. That's a Liberal Party slogan. It's a Liberal Party slogan, which got them no votes and didn't work at all. And so the joke is, you know, it won't be easy under Albanese. Oh, what a great advertising line. Who came up with that? You know, apparently they wanted to go further and say, you know, vote for ScoMo. He's not oh, what a great advertising line. Who came up with that? Apparently they wanted to go further and say, you know,

vote for ScoMo. He's not a homo. I actually heard that at an open mic when I was in Sydney recently. I love it now. That is classic Jim Carrey. I go on to say in the bit, and the bit is about how it's their idiots who've come up with the advertising and what dickheads they are.

It's not you saying it. No, it's like, yeah, but I've got a note back from the, you know, that won't pass their standards. It won't pass their standards. And you dropped the N word out of the special as well. Because I know you're using that a lot in your live show. I'm clearly not using that a lot. But yeah, I mean, anyway, so I don't think that's going to make the edit.

So apparently, yeah. And I just, yeah, anyway. That's just for us. We're getting the deleted scenes. We're getting a deleted scene. Fusey live and uncut. Well, I just got back from Singapore. I just did five days in Singapore.

Have you been to Singapore? I have been to Singapore, yes. I'm not home. Yeah, yeah. I just did five days where I brought my family over because my wife had a big birthday in lockdown that she had to miss and didn't get to do anything for or anything.

So I got a bit of a special and shouted the family over there for five days I'm glad you shouted that you didn't have to I'm sure the kids didn't have to pay baby you didn't have to pay well this comes out

of the college fund yeah exactly it's a debt well that was the initial the initial pitch was oh just the two of us and this could be you know the kid

can stay home it's like no no that didn't fly you shouted the family I shouted the family. I shouted the family a house. His wife went out, so he did the babysitting that night. Well, like I said, oh, man.

You've got to commit to the marriage, man. You've got to commit to the family. You're all in now. It is brutal having to pay for a full seat for a kid where it's like, Oh, isn't it? Yeah. It's terrible. What age do they have to pay? It's wrong.

Is it six, seven? I think it's younger than that. Yeah. I think it actually pays for their own ticket. Oh, right. Can they stay in your lap? Yeah, what is the cutoff? I think it's like, it might be 18 months or something.

Yeah, right. You can't sit on a lap at three. Three and a half. Yeah. But you can at 47 if your wife is up for that. I'm shouting you, but you're on the lap

for the whole flight. Not all eight hours. What happened in Singapore? How was it? Oh, yeah, it was good. It was good, but that was the thing. So I've gone,

right, there's a Singapore... My wife has worked in airlines and whatever, so I can't go to her, hey, I've shouted you, you know, I've shouted the family a Jetstar flight or whatever. She's like, no, no, no. She won't do that. So we have to go.

But only because she's worked in airlines. She's got a business? It's only working in airlines that you know that Jetstar is shit. Well, no. I don't think anyone says I'm shouting you a Jetstar flight. It's always like, do you mind if we go Jetstar? Hey, sorry, I go Jetstar? Hey sorry I go Jetstar. I must say

I enjoy Jetstar service I'm going to say that. Me too. They're a bloody great airline. A lot of them are on board with the radio show after the special They are actually

connected to the same company so come on guys. Fantastic. Let's be honest they're doing their best it's a hard time for the aviation industry

They're fresh. It's a fresh attitude. We love our jokes, but let's... Keep supporting Australia. Keep supporting Aussie Airlines. I think comedy should punch up, not down. Absolutely. I did a gig on a Jetstar flight once.

You did a gig on a Jetstar flight? I did do a gig on a Jetstar flight. It was a great gig. There should be more comedy on air. Hey, my wife booked you for that Jetstar gig, remember? That's right. Who else? You were on that?

Yeah. Who else was on? Was it Naz? No. Tommy? Tommy Little. Yeah. That's right. It else? You were on that? Yeah. Who else was on that? Was it Naz? No. Tommy? Tommy Little. Yeah. That's right.

It was all right. It was pretty good, actually. I was actually on a flight the other day. Yeah, you did all right. Tommy did all right. You had to get up with the first one to get up almost without any announcement or anything. Yeah, they didn't know.

It's like some guy just standing up on a flight. Yeah, you were doing the gig into the little... And also, seeing you and Tommy Little walk on the plane and then they go, oh, we're going to do comedy on the plane you were doing the gig into the little and also seeing you and Tommy little walk on the plane and then they go oh we're going to do comedy on the plane

here's this cunt and it's like oh god put the oxygen mask down I was surprised when I heard the pilot use the word cunt that was surprising

you were doing the gig this is the bit I'm obsessed with you were doing the gig into the little fucking telephone thing that the flight crew I love that

I was on a flight the other day where the person beside me said, no, the flight attendant came to me and said, the captain sounds just like you, wait for this. So I'm waiting for his announcement. And it was similar to me. So yeah, he got off and he came and gave me a high five.

He almost looked like me, to be honest. Did you guys get many flights like right after they resumed? Where it was like, I feel like I got a couple in a row where the captain would get on and do the little announcement and they'd have like a breakdown at the end like the first flight i got after the lockdown they're like and i just want to say guys it's uh it's so good to have you back on the planes again and uh god we've missed doing this like it's like this guy's about to start fucking openly weeping because we're in the air mate they were packing shelves during the break there was all those stories about pilots having to do night fill at cold.

Driving buses. They now know real work. I'll tell you what, after coming, you know, Singapore, making a lot of jokes about Singapore or whatever, but as soon as I've come back, come back yesterday morning, I have to say I noticed this about Australia. As soon as I come back from Singapore, fuck, there's a lot of chewing gum on the ground in Australia.

There really is. I put most of it there. I'm a real chewy gum. I just throw it. Fuck, there's a lot of chewing gum on the ground in Australia. There really is. I put most of it there. I'm a real chewy gum. I just throw it. I don't give a fuck. I try to find grass, but if you can't, bang. Not even grass. Find a bin.

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. What if I'm driving and I want a fresh piece? What am I meant to do? It's out the window. Find your little packet, roll them up and then when you go to your car, you dispose of it then.

Come on, we need to be better. So if we know Hugh's got a trip to Singapore coming up and then we see RIP Hugh's trending on Twitter, we'll know what happened. Gum in the street, death by firing squad. My main memory of Singapore is I went there and did a gig for like a housing association and Scotty Cam was also doing the gig from the block.

And we took a gondola ride somewhere, and people thought we were a couple. I can imagine that. I can see that. I can see that. Helping out the housing association. Good stuff. He's a good man, Scotty. Do you wash your hands?

Do I wash my hands? This is a general question. Do you wash your hands? I do. I don't make a point of it. If someone's watching me leave the stall, I will. If they're watching me leave, I will, yeah. I'll turn it on and just sit there looking.

I've been shocked when I go to the footy at how many blokes have not washed their hands after they have a piss wash your fucking hands we're still in a pandemic even without the pandemic even without the pandemic yeah right

wash your hands I guess there's an argument being made like alright I've been touching my dick I know where my dick's been hasn't been anywhere bad it's just in my pants

my pants just came out of the washer my pants are clean they're cleaner than my fucking head every time I should be washing my dick so you wash your dick in the basin yes and then you put it in the dye set it's actually quite a nice fit I wash them. My pants are clean. They're cleaner than my fucking head. You know what? Every time. I should be washing my dick.

So you wash your dick in the basin? You put it in the dicer. It's actually quite a nice feeling. I'm at the footy having a little horse bath. What's wrong with that? You know what? This whole conversation reminds me. You know a joke you hear 20 years ago and it stays with you?

Do you know the- Oh, yeah. You don't know the bit I read. This cannot be that. You did it with my joke. You did it with Someone in Sydney You can't steal jokes In 20 years You can't steal jokes

There's no statute of limitations Do you know the amazing Gazzard Have you heard of The amazing Gazzard He's a hypnotist I believe He's a hypnotist But you know him

Rowan Gazzard Yes You've never heard of Rowan Gazzard This is in our day Back when we were At the SB In St Kilda

That one's left on memory Sorry Rowan We used to have These kinds of fights It's like this guy's Fucking stolen my act This is an hour day back when we were at the SB in St Kilda. That one's left on memory. Sorry, Rowan. When you have these kinds of fights, it's like, this guy's fucking stolen my act. He uses the watch. The amazing Gazard, who now makes a full-time living as a hypnotist. And if you've got a trouble, if you want to give up smoking or vaping or even crystal meth, he will get you off it. Wow. Yeah, so he does a great job.

Don't you worry about that. He was a comedian originally He's amazing Yeah well he's amazing He's the amazing Gazza So during the week He's getting people off crystal meth And on weekends He's turning people into chickens

Yeah he's got both And he gets People he turns into chickens He can also get off crystal meth So you know it's a great Now I'm a chicken That's addicted to crystal meth I need Gazza to come back in

Yeah right Why is it only like magicians and hypnotists that get to put the amazing at the front? You know what I mean? You know, you're both legit. We can get the amazing tonight on the project, the amazing Peter Hellion. My wife's going to have to see the amazing gynecologist.

Oh, what a job. Anyway. If you didn't pick it up on the microphone his reaction to my amazing gynecologist joke was oh what a job but particularly

after he mentioned that he was going to your wife yeah that's a compliment you should be happy with that and now anyway the amazing guy

he had a joke years ago and he said he was in the urinal and someone said why don't you wash your hands? My dad taught me to wash my hands. And the Amazing Gazard said my dad taught me not to piss on my hands. Anyway, that's a joke.

I still remember that joke every time I have a whiz or I think of the Amazing Gazard. This one's for you, Gaz. Was that a French accent? That was good. Good fellas. Every time I wash my hands Would you know what That guy I don't know that guy

But the name of that guy You know what I used to have this Stupid character People on this show Know this But I had a character Called Gary Chook

That was a very weird Out there Australian Parody of a Stand up comedian And I remember Shitting myself Because I had an Online profile On a couple of Different stand-up comedian and I remember shitting myself because I had an online profile on a couple of different sort of platforms and whatever

as Gary Chook and people would take it seriously and I remember the amazing Gazzard hit up Gary Chook thinking he was real because on the bio of Gary Chook said, smashing it on the comedy scene headlines all over the comedy scene in Toowoomba.

And he hit me up going, I'm really hoping to make waves in Toowoomba soon. I'd really like you to open some doors in comedy in Toowoomba for me. Oh, fantastic. I'm like, what are you talking about? How many doors are there in Toowoomba comedy to fucking open?

Wow. But it did get me scared and I didn't respond. I'm sure he got there anyway. Hopefully. Toowoomba's a good place. It's quite high. Toowoomba's a good place. Yeah. It's quite high. Toowoomba? Yeah.

It's in Queensland, but it's not as cool as other parts of Queensland. It's high. Yeah. Can I just bring something up? This is the first time actually we've actually spoken. I'm not sure how much you discussed football on this show. Zero. Yeah.

But the last football game your team played in. The AFL game, yes. Can you take us through? I'm not saying this to get you riled. I don't know what you were like. Were you at the game? So, basically, for those who don't follow the sport, it's a Final Eight system.

And your team was playing my team, Carlton versus Collingwood. We had to win to make top four, but you had to win to stay in the finals. Yeah. And we won by a point after you guys ruined the last quarter. Led for most of the day.

And your team was in the final eight the whole season. Yes. Except for the final minute 40 of the season. We haven't played finals for 10 years. You haven't played finals for 10 years. How did you cope with it? It was the worst moment of my life. And actually, I was talking to Dylan Alcott the other

night. I don't want to name drop, but Australian of the Year. You complained to him about how bad life is for you? Yes, absolutely. And he said that his position was three rows behind mine, and he said that I was demented. I left that game.

Yeah, I was – I just kept – because one guy kicked the ball where he shouldn't have kicked it. And it meant we didn't get the point that we needed to play finals. And I needed a draw. And I just afterwards – after the game finished, I just kept – I just was standing up. There was people around me shocked, all these Carlton supporters who were just sad.

And I just kept pointing out to the field, why did he kick it there? Why did he kick it there? And that went on for about five minutes and um i was there with my son and uh yeah so and he was also disappointed not as he was also shocked at my reaction um and we left the ground and it was sunday night and it was cold it was dark and there was all these collingwood supporters just hanging shit on me and we were meant to take the train home and i said i can't get on a train and i rang well he rang my wife. He rang his mum and said, mum, you've got to come and pick us up.

This is really weird. And I couldn't tell him where we were. But, you know, very quietly, I've been vaping lately and, you know, that's terrible. And I've actually hidden it from my children so they don't know I do it. So I hadn't done it for a couple of hours at the MCG and I was praying that my son got lost in the crowd so I could vape. Hit the vape. This is another thing.

I didn't want to throw you under the bus, but this was my third thing I'd heard about you, the influence that the brutal Sydney open mic scene has had on you, that you've gotten into vaping. Yeah, no, I got into vaping on election night, actually, when ScoMo lost, to celebrate someone. Wow, you took it hard. I was celebrating. Oh, you were celebrating.

Someone handed me a vape and I said I'll suck on this and I had no idea it had nicotine in it. Lucky no one introduced pegging to you that night. Be very careful what you hand a pusey on election night. So yeah, no, it's terrible. I don't like it. I haven't done it since we've been here, which is good.

You must be jonesing for it, though, hey? I don't even know that term. What's jonesing? It's just like, you know, got the withdrawals. Oh, yeah, I'm jonesing. You need to fix. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyway, it's terrible, and I've got to hide it from my family.

What flavour do you go? Oh, well, I won't say. Another well-known comedian got me onto ice cola, but he's publicly saying he's given up. You sure the cola was in there? He's publicly saying. He's publicly saying he's given up. You sure the cola was in there? He's publicly saying he's given up. So I can't say he's... It's not Arj.

It's not Arj. Arj Barker's heavily into meditation now. He's gone deep. Is he? Yeah, Arj Barker, you know, American comedian who now lives in Australia. He's full Zen master. He's full on. I mean, it doesn't completely surprise me. He's always had that spirituality about him.

Yeah. Yeah, well, anyway. So, yeah, but it's not good for you and you shouldn't do it. So your kids, your family still don't know that you're vape? My wife does. I actually got in the car the other day and there was a vape between me and my son. He said, what's that? And I said, what am I making?

It's a dildo. I'm into pegging. Don't worry. It's nothing sus. I'll just stick this up my son. He said, what's that? And I said, what am I making? It's a dildo. I'm into pegging. Don't worry. It's nothing sus. I'll just stick this up my ass. Actually, on that topic, my son had the day off school, and I thought he was at McDonald's, and I'm in the lounge room talking to Osher Ginsberg on the phone,

and the front door opens, and it's not my son. It's one of his mates. He's just given the key to, just to turn up to our house. I'm like, what? You can't just give the key to someone to open the door. I could have been doing anything. You never believe this. I live with Yuzi.

Go check it out. But then he opens the door, a big smile on his face. Ah, gotcha. I'm like, fuck. I just came in. I said, come to Uncle Osher. Talk to Uncle Osher. And I said, this is our secret, all right?

You want to have an in with the bloody host of The Masked Singer? This is our secret. It's a very dangerous territory when you're inviting kids into your house and saying, this is our secret. My wife did say that. This is our secret. Suck on this. Here's my Shark Tank pitch.

Come on. Red card. Come on Red card Here's my shark tank pitch No Hughsy endorsed Hughsy branded Hughsy like you know You're on the box of a

Flavour of like vape Yeah Hughsy brand Snakes alive flavoured I'm not encouraging children to do this You'd make a lot of money though You'd make a lot of money though. You'd make a lot of money. The government contacted my management to say that they'd heard that I'd given up vaping on the radio

and do I want to do a campaign, a paid campaign to stop children vaping. Oh, nice. Yeah, but I can't do that because I'm still vaping. Yeah. Yeah, but I can't do that. Because I'm still vaping. I might not take up vaping, but say that I haven't vaped and quit. They are looking for someone.

Say you tried it today and it was delicious, but you're never going to do it again. They need someone to be the face of having never done it. It's like, kids, if you haven't tried it, keep doing that. Because that's what I've done. And it's awesome. And I'm on the project. There's no money in that, mate. You've got to evade.

You need to do a sad story on the project. Vaping's ruining your life. And then just watch me come back. Watch the rise. Take the night off. The phoenix. Yeah, take the night off. Sorry, Pete's off tonight because he vapes today. He's vaping.

Next morning I'm back. I've dealt with it. And I've got a campaign out. Mate, you could, yeah, there's some synergy there. morning, I'm back. I've dealt with it, and I've got a campaign out. Mate, you could, yeah, there's some synergy there. Bit of a rebrand. Vaping Vensday. Non-vaping Vensday. That's great.

Vape-free Vensday. Vape-free Vensday. There we are. That's great. So anyway, so I've just come back from Singapore. Very weird thing where I went to Singapore. Daslo's about to go to Singapore. Unrelated. And I want to go to Singapore. This is weird, isn't it? Yeah. You want to go? thing where I went to Singapore. Daslo's about to go to Singapore. Unrelated.

Anyways. And I want to go to Singapore. This is weird, isn't it? Yeah. You want to go? Yeah, I want to go. Yeah, it's good. That's a crazy coincidence.

Yeah, it's amazing. All three of us in the one room. Yeah. I mean, it's not a big place. And you've been to Singapore before. I've been. This is actually spooky. This is actually creepy.

This is scary. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Tingly Thursday. Fucking ting. It's a good segment. It's a good segment. It's a good segment. Fucking bring that back. So I shouted the family, as I said.

I shouted the whole family. Yep. Very generous. Didn't let the three-year-old pay. Thank you very much. Put your wallet away, please. Yeah, yeah. Put your Dora the Explorer little purse away.

Velcro wallet away. Look, you buy the first round once we get there. But, you know, I'll shout the flight round once we get there. But I'll shut the fly. So we get there. So we're going and so I've said, right, this is your birthday sort of trip. We're going to Singapore. This will be fun, whatever. And then I've let my

wife do sort of the arrangements of what we're going to do when we're there. It's your time. It's your trip. It's your birthday sort of trip. We'll do that. We're going to Singapore. This will be fun. We'll do whatever the Singaporeans do over there. And so with it like two days out, she's like, yeah, I've sorted it all out. I'm like, great. What are we doing?

She's like, well, I've only sorted two things. I'm like, okay, great. So I've booked in two Italian restaurants. Nice. Sorry? I'm fucking paying for the family to fly to fucking Singapore and we're just eating Italian? Is that all we're doing?

A la pacata. Yeah. She's not booked any adventures for you or any experiences? No, no, no. Adventures? That might be adrenaline junkies. She just bookmarked the top five Italian restaurants in Singapore. Wasn't curious about the local cuisine?

No, not at all. Just Italian. So we just went out for Italian twice. Fucking hell. You could have gone to Italy. Exactly. Exactly. Which is great.

Yeah, you're halfway there. It's not the Naples of Southeast Asia or anything. It's fucking Singapore. But that is the hard thing about Singapore because there's so many expats there. I've been looking up restaurants where people go, this place is great. You've got to go there.

And then you get on the website and you look it up and it's like, yeah, anyway, this ex-Australian chef, he's moved over here. It all ex-australians running the restaurants and stuff it's like oh well i could have just yeah exactly so i get stitched up like i'm like oh this would be a great singapore adventure and whatever and i'm i'm trying to offload the kid and then it's like no that's not happening so then i don't want i don't want to pay full fare for fucking a three-year-old so so then they honestly they won't remember it yeah yeah i've said it before there should be a locker At the airport Fuck that

Honestly man There should be Why are we taking Small children overseas Yes a locker Obviously there's holes In the lockers They'll be able to breathe

Yeah Absolutely they can breathe Where have the busy children Been abroad Everywhere And fuck They don't give a shit They've got no interest

In going overseas They just want to They don't want to go anywhere They just want to hang at home They don't want to sit on a They just want to hang at home. They don't want to sit on a plane for eight hours and do nothing. Yeah, well, I know, but anyway, we've been to three Disneyland's. They couldn't remember one thing about any of them. Brutal.

Don't take your children anywhere. Don't shout at them. Beautiful words. If they want to come, they can pay their own way. Exactly. They don't want to come, by the way. So I'm getting stitched up. So then we have to go to Italian because that's all she wants to eat

she doesn't want to eat anything she didn't eat one local thing over there not one one local thing it was all

fucking you know what the closest she got to eating local food over there was and I can't believe I've ever had to say this out loud

to anyone the closest she got was she ate at a bunch of Thai places and I had to say can we knock it off with the Thai food can we actually not

eat Thai food I've never fucking said that in my life before so then on top of that places and i had to say can we knock it off with the thai food can we actually not eat thai food i've never fucking said that in my life before so so then on top of that so then on the slice and she swears this is this was like a coincidence it was like oh did i tell you um my sister's actually going to be there the the time when we're going to be there you're fucking kidding so then behind the scenes they've organized it and then turns into her her just shopping every day sex in the city style With her sister every day Big shopping place

Yeah exactly Well you're looking after The new one Yes Yeah So you're just You're the nanny Yeah

You're the babysitter Let's reiterate This is her birthday present By the way Fuck this This is for what she wants to do Yeah No you're right

You're right I got out of paying for her sister's fucking airfare so I guess that's something. Exactly, yeah. I guess that's something. So then we go to dinner. So we go to the big Italian,

the richest fucking most expensive Italian place we could find apparently in Singapore. We go there and then the sister-in-law's there so then she orders the entrees, the mains, the desserts,

pulls out, which I didn't know until the end, $250 bottle of wine. I don't eat entrees. I'm not eating desserts. I don't drink wine. Just at the end, the old lazy, oh, we'll just thirds, is it? Just do thirds, shall we? Well, quarters because you've got the babies chipping in.

No, no, no. Well, that would be my plan. But no, this is her plan. Chandler's going to cover the nuggets. It's fine. Well, to be fair, the kid ate half of my meal, so I should be plan. But no, this is her plan. I have to go there. Chandler's going to cover the nuggets. It's fine. Well, to be fair, the kid ate half of my meal, so I should be. Right, right, right. Did you have any of the wine?

No wine. You didn't drink any of the wine? No wine, no entree, no dessert. I'm chipping in for this fucking thousand dollar bill. On holiday. Yeah. Get the entrees. Wine complicates it, doesn't it? $250 bottle of wine.

I've got to fucking pay for that. That's crazy, man. Yeah. Do you like her sister? I mean you do Well I did before Anyway Happy birthday

I'm happy for other people To come on holidays though To be honest Because they're just You know I don't love chatting anyway You know So if other people

Oh sorry to drag you here Sorry She doesn't love chatting what do you do for a living well we're having fun yeah he didn't have to I mean

what he means what he means is he doesn't like chatting with his own family I was back here in the house because you were coming around

no worries mate he doesn't like chatting doing crowd work What do you do for a living? I'm miserable right now by the way This is hell for me Don't answer So apart from that

Apart from having to pay this bill How was the rest of it? Do you think you're Are you internalising this Or are you kicking off at the dinner table? No, I have to just fucking cop it because it's the birthday. I can't kick off as we're singing happy birthday. I am singing happy birthday through gritted teeth, obviously, but apart from that...

Was the weather good? Yeah, the weather was pretty good. I mean, there's not a lot going on in Singapore, if I'm going to be brutally honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good weather. There is good food. Good food, but it's not like, you know, you can't. The food's great.

Yeah. Well, the food's great and the weather's good, but there's not a lot else. Yeah, no, I've got a mate who lives in Singapore for many, many years now, and he was out here recently. He said a similar thing. He said there's not a whole bunch to it. Like, you know, you can fill a five days, a good five days.

Yeah, but it's almost... Shopping, some local stuff. There's almost, you know, I prefer a bit looser countries You know They're almost It's too Give us What's your loose country

Give us Vietnam Go to Vietnam Yeah Vietnam They know how to live You know There's like 14 people On a motorbike

And you know You can transport your livestock On you know A moped And you know It's like It's good fun Yeah

I thought my trip Was going to cost me a bit but yeah now now i'm seeing the benefit of like i don't have a wife or a sister-in-law or a three-year-old coming yeah i'm off the hook i'm having a budget trip you're going to sing on your own i'm going to singapore because a mate is over there working at the moment i haven't seen him for a while so we're hanging out with him i don't why don't why doesn't he meet you in thailand or you'd love thailand but why doesn't he meet you in Vietnam he's working in Singapore like we can't take some time off no

he's there for like a month oh right what's he doing he's chefing oh oh yeah Italian restaurant yeah

I hope so there is actually some Italian themed stuff that they're doing so yeah yeah right maybe I'll be in the same place whereabouts in Vietnam

no he's going Singapore Singapore oh sorry I thought you said yeah sorry yeah

it's a weird joint because it's like fuck beers are so expensive in the main bit but you have to you know you have to

hunt for the cheaper beers but did a lot of fucking $24 pints early doors yeah because they're ripping off you

know rich foreigners yeah fair enough too rip off people if you can or they're not ripping them off they're just, because they're ripping off rich foreigners. Yeah. Fair enough, too. Rip off people if you can. Well, they're not ripping them off. They're just, you know, they're crying.

I mean, it's probably rent's expensive in these places. I don't know what's going on behind the scenes, but I'm not here to judge how much they're judging me. If you consider being a host on Getaway, I think you'd be really good. Use his postcards. Use his postcards. Don't bring your family. They don't give a shit.

They don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. I'd rather just hang out in the backyard. I did get to the end of the holiday and I still couldn't get my child to say the country we were in. I got to the end and I was like, do you know where we are? She's like, no. No.

And she won't remember it. No. That's the point. No. There isn't any. She's travelled a lot in her young life. She's travelled. She went to young life. She's travelled. She went to Thailand two months ago, three months ago or something like that.

She's been to Singapore now. She's been to Hobart and she's been to the Gold Coast. Given that roughly 70% of her life has been a lockdown with travel bans, that's a fair amount of holidays. She's travelled more than I did in my first 25 years of life. My kid's past was, my kid was two and he'd been to the States, he'd been to France, he'd been to Austria, Germany, Denmark. That's ridiculous.

I went overseas for the first time when I was 18. Mate, I wasn't on a plane until I was 25. Yeah. A plane? I wasn't on a plane. Not in the state? I hadn't gone in the state on a plane until I was 25. I'm the same.

Or 24. I reckon I didn't fly until I was 26 or something. Yeah. Yeah. My parents paid me to come back from Perth to country Victoria. Yeah. At the age of 23, maybe 24. 23, 24. The story's changing. No the age of 23, maybe 24, 23,

24. No, it's changing, but it's still, come on, man. Keeps getting younger. I was two.

I just wanted to sound cool. I had to get my passport renewed to go on this trip, like about a month ago when I started talking to my friend about maybe going. And I was like, I'll just go and do this because my passport was out of date. I was like, I'll just go and put this in now so that it's, cause it's taken a while at the moment.

And I go into the post office and like take the form in have the photo do all of that stuff but you've also got to take your old passport so that they can cut i've just done this this week yeah and i got this awesome guy this like incredibly camp man who's like he's looking at my passport and he's like as he locks eyes with me he's like now you know i'm gonna have to destroy this don't you and i'm like yeah, I'm aware that that's part of it. And then he goes, okay, here we go. And he does this, pulls these big old fashion scissors out. I'm glad this is how you don't find out about pegging right now.

And he just does this really flamboyant job. He whips the scissors out and he's like, mmm, like really getting into it, like fucking grinding the air as he's making eye contact with me. And I'm like, yeah, man, I into it, like fucking like grinding the air as he's making eye contact with me. And I'm like, yeah, man, I get it. You just got to chop the passport up. You're not allowed to use this on your Netflix special either, by the way, this bit.

I think he's vibing with you though, obviously. It feels like flirting to me. I think he wanted an invite to the trip because he was like, where are you going? And I'm like, oh, nothing planned yet, you know, just getting it renewed just to have, you know, it's like boring. I like it. Sassy passport man. I didn't have a passport until I was 28, by the way.

That's a good story, isn't it? That's a good story. I had to drive to Canberra to get it in the rain with trucks going past me. It's harder, wasn't it? You remember you had the 28, when you were into London and you got there before you were 28, you got a two-year visa. Yeah, you remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember. I got there the day before I turned 28. So, yeah. I was going to make it big in London. I remember when you could get round-the-world trips and it just meant literally around the world. You could change it whenever you wanted. Yes, I do remember that concept. Just change it like you could change it on the day.

Around the world trip. Yeah. Do they still exist? I don't think they do. There's so much admin now and whatever. I remember changing them on the day, just going, walking into a place and going, I'll take my New York leg now.

Okay, well, you get to do it. It's a little voucher. Yeah. It's a little playing voucher. Yeah. Don't do it anymore. You could use it all in one go If you wanted to

What you mean Just do a lap of the world Yes Come back home Seems like a waste Seems like a big waste I had a lonely time in London I can tell you

Doing stand up comedy That was working well But I was not Yeah The only time I got Touched by a lady Was on New Year's Eve Okay

And that was when I got frisked to go Into the big square I feel like you're going Into a zone here was on New Year's Eve. That was when I got frisked to go into the big square. I feel like you're going into a zone here. As your friend, do you want to be talking about this into microphones? What did you do? Did you do stand-up in London

before you kicked off big over here? You know, I did stand-up in London in 98, yeah, 99. It sort of kicked off for me in 99 in Australia, but 98 was the grounding was in London. And I was doing, yeah, the gigs were good, but, jeez, it was miserable. London in wintertime is just horrific. British people.

Oh, they were laughers, but, yeah, in between. God, they were not friendly. They weren't friendly. I love talking about how it sounds like one of the worst periods of your life, but still just wedging in. The gigs were going great. Just got that on the record. We're going good.

I'm killing. I'm killing. I'm miserable. I got a writing gig on Full Frontal, so I came back for that. Oh, did you? I was writing on that. Yeah, I got it. That was talking about writing earlier, getting your jokes on.

You put your jokes into like a paper basket and then hope that one of your jokes made the show. You were on Minutes as well, weren't you? Yeah, you were on Minutes. I was on One Minute. One Minute a Week.

I was on One Minute too. I reckon I got my One Minute very often. I do like both your stories. Yeah, we started there. We started on these TV shows for six months and then we turned into

who we are now and I'm like, yeah, I've been in the Project for 11 years now. Speaking of your early TV, I just got to bring this up quickly. I went to an Airbnb recently with my partner for a weekend getaway. No Wi-Fi in the Airbnb, but what they did have was a very well-stocked DVD cabinet. Oh, yes.

And I put this on Instagram. This is what they had. The best of the glass house on DVD. The best of the glass house. I was so excited to get this on Instagram. This is what they had. The best of the glasshouse on DVD. And I was so excited to get this on Instagram. I didn't even properly look at the cover. But then a lot of people replied to this. And it's a question I wonder if you have the answer for. On the cover of this DVD it says,

The best of the glasshouse. 2002, 2004, 2005, 2006. What happened in 2003? Yeah, we did a series I don't know what happened to it So it's a year of clunkers On the glasshouse 03

They mustn't have Press record on the tape That is a weird thing It's weird to put on the cover Isn't it? Just say The best of the glass Like why do it by years?

Why did they miss that year? Just could not find an episode That was worth putting on Yeah Just to bring the time One highlight They knew it was a shit year And so they thought That we better spell it out Why did they miss that year? Just could not find an episode that was worth putting on. That's been one highlight. They knew it was a shit year, and so they thought that we better spell it out. We definitely won't put 2003 on. We're all aware.

Or what I was thinking was maybe, was 2003 such a great year for the show that it's got its own DVD? It's literally every episode from that year is on there. I wouldn't have thought so. This is just the best of the rest of it. Would not have thought so. That is a real mystery. I need to find out so. This is just the best of the rest of it. I would not have thought so. That is a real mystery. I need to find out. I need to ask Will Anderson or Corinne Grant.

What happened? What could you have talked about in the year 2003? What happened in 2003? Was there anything notable? I don't know. I know the show started just as 9-11 happened. So that was an episode. There was an episode there we had to bin.

Oh, really? Yeah, because they did two episodes on a day. Grow up. They used to film on the night before it went to air and then one episode, like eight days later, went to air. So the second episode would have been weird just to go to air without referring to 9-11. They must be saving this right for the end.

On 9-11, it happened on a Tuesday night, if you remember, so we had just gotten off. This is pre you being on Rove Live. No, mate, I remember. I was watching Rove the night and you got off. We just got off air. It finished on air in San Marcelo. To be honest. Hell of a what, though, that night? Well,

what was amazing was, from a comedy show, it was the perfect timing because we had basically the longest time anyone had to be back on air again before we had like a full week to get your bearings

kind of thing and we were like thank during a week we were like thank god we don't have to deal with this just yet

you know and so by the time seven days later it was funny again well yeah I mean time plus you know

time and tragedy or whatever it is comedy time plus Storty's roast and the firefighters. I remember where I was sitting. I was sitting in a house in Kensington, yeah, on my own.

Oh, nice alibi. I was breaking up with my girlfriend at the time. It was a stressful situation. You'd kill that night, though. No, I'd probably had a ripper. But, yeah, you went off air and then she came on. Half hour later I think

because I was in the green room and I one of the who I thought it was Kevin Musket I was talking to but I've approached him since

and apparently it wasn't him I was chatting to somebody and then all of a sudden I had my back turned to the TV I was the only person talking and you know

there was about 30 people in the room and and then I turned around and they're looking at this TV and I said the only person talking and, you know, there's about 30 people in the room and, and then I turned around and they're looking at this TV and I said to my manager, I said, what happened there?

It's close, close to the first plane and there's smoke coming out. He goes, our plane just flew into the World Trade Center. I was like, oh,

what, like a, a small plane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, yeah,

yeah, we think so, yeah. It's okay. And then we watched it and then, yeah, the world fucking changed.

I remember I was watching it at a pub in Ballarat. We'd just lost pub trivia. I was pissed off. And then that happened. I was like, ah, it could be worse. Yeah. Perspective. One of the questions is like, what's the worst terrorist attack that's ever been committed?

You got it wrong. It's like, we need to do it again. It's all changed. All right. What's the biggest buildings in New York? Recount. Come on. I think I've told this on the show before,

but I was driving through the city with my dad a little while ago, and there's like this building. It's near Cran, and there's like a big pool bit that kind of like juts out the side of the building. And my dad was like, God, I'd be too scared to swim in a pool like that because, like, what if some accident happened, you know, like September 11? Like, accident.

One of the great whoopsie daisies in modern history. The old plane on a banana peel trick. Well, that was when the first one went in. People thought, you know, before the second one went in. I mean, and Sandra Saller here did a great job on that night, you know, like responding to that. She was like the face of that from the Australian broadcast, you know. But I remember she did say, she did say,

and we believe an airplane, you know, AA647 has flown into the tower, the World Trade Center. That is not its usual destination. She said that. it's not its usual destination. She said that. Now, I think she meant, she was clearly talking about New York, you know,

but it did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you, later on with you, you cast your comedy eye over it. Yes. We, at school, the next day we were just, every class was just like, you know, talking about what had happened and we were in like one class and this guy in my class goes,

yeah, and you know, it could happen anywhere. Like, is anywhere safe? Like, you know, my dad was saying to me this morning that, you know, now that this has happened here in Melbourne, like the Rialto is just a sitting duck. And my mate goes, yeah, cunt, it's a building. It's like, all right, everything's going to be okay. I do remember that thing

of like, you know, when it happened and it being so like crazy and like all mates ringing each other and going, are you watching this on TV?

Oh my God. You know, the second plane goes in the building and everyone's like, oh my God. And we were all like, we're going to sit up all night and watch this.

And I just remember it being about two or three hours in and everyone just going, boring. There's been no building come down for three hours in and everyone's just going, boring. There's been no building come down for three hours now. Fuck this, I'm going to bed.

All right, well, we better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Peter Hellyer and Dave Hughes, thank you so much for joining us. Pleasure.

It was a lot of fun. We covered a lot of territory. We really did. Yeah. I hope you guys haven't got parking fines out the front. I'm in a one-hour zone. I'm in trouble. All right.

Well, you do do a lot of gigs. Sorry to stretch this out even further, but what I'm loving is that when you do pop into the basement, you park in a five-minute zone, and then you come down to do a gig. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I'm yet to get a fine from that five-minute zone. Can I continue to streak

it's like I'm giving you the light at five minutes not to get off stage for comedy sake just so you don't get a ticket yeah Pete you've got you've got a live podcast

coming up very soon a 100th episode of You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet a movie podcast I do I chat to people who haven't seen classic movies they watch them.

We chat about them. The new season's out now. We've had Cat Stewart on. She did Midnight Cowboy. Great movie. A good friend of mine, Trent Roberts, who writes How to Say Married, up in Middle Bogan. He did Gremlin, Sushi Mango, Napoleon Dynamite.

And so Tom Gleeson's live on stage. Me and Tom Gleeson, he's never seen The Hunger Games. He's gone watch The Hunger Games. He was my very first guest in episode one. And so you guys have all done great episodes. Great episodes. You did Pretty in Pink. Yes, it was a good movie.

Chandler took the bullet and did Titanic. It's a great movie. And Tommy did The Shining. Too long. Titanic's a great movie. It's a long movie. It's a good movie. But yeah.

So where is it it's at the Brunswick Ballroom on I think October the 16th Sunday it's six six days before our live podcast

at the Comics Lounge so perfectly timed go see two live podcasts over a week bookend your week yes just camp in the park in between

over the week between I'm at the Beresford in Sydney next Tuesday night so the Beresford in Sydney next Tuesday night so right the Beresford

Surrey Hills I believe yeah the Beresford and then Darwin in October oh yeah there we go

what are you doing yeah where are you interstate because we've got a lot of interstate Darwin October yes October 8th

I think are you somewhere else in Queensland or something as well oh yes yes the Wynnum Festival

okay Wynnum Festival you're Wynnum mate they yes. Yes. The Wynnum Festival. Okay. Wynnum Festival. You'll win them, mate. They'll be tough. You'll win them. You'll win them. I'm in Sorrento late September as well. Sorrento.

Oh, nice. And Hughes, you'll have the special coming out. Yeah, October, I believe. Oh, really? Dave Hughes, homo. Check it out. Yeah, no, it won't be there, and I appreciate that. Dave Hughes redacted.

Dave Hughes. With a point of the joke, I think, stands, it won't be there, and I appreciate that. Dave Hughes redacted. Dave Hughes. With a point of the joke, I think, stands, but we'll move on. It's a good joke. All right, guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Whoa, Bernie.

Two big guns. Wow, usually we spread that sort of shit out, but no. Two of the Titans. Yeah, two Titans in the same room. Australian stand-up comedy and just comedy in general. Yeah. Very good of them both to waste their time like that. Yeah.

Yep. Excellent of them. Thanks very much to them. Go and see their stuff coming up. Their specials that are coming out. Support the people who support us, et cetera. Yeah are coming out, support the people who support us, etc. Exactly.

And support the people who do this show. That's us. We have a live show in Melbourne. Our 12th birthday live special happening in Melbourne Saturday, October the 22nd. Tickets are selling at our website right now. It is not that expensive to come along and see a big, big show with very, very special little ideas within it, very special guests. That's it. It's going to be heaps of fun.

So it's not that far away. So, you know, I reckon it'll sell out. So get your skates on, everyone. It's going to be a big Saturday night. It's the last live show for the year. A rare chance to come and see live comedy in Australia. There's not much out there. That's true.

We had to get a special license to put this on. We had to write for permission. That's right. Yeah, a special comedy license. Yep. And we submitted everything, a couple of special episodes, a show in Heathcote. Yep.

Pablo Francisco. Pablo Francisco, yeah. The Sydney live show. Yep. And so that's why we now have to build a show as a drama. Yep. Pablo Francisco. Pablo Francisco, yep. The Sydney Live show. Yep. And so that's why we now have to bill the show as a drama. Yep. We didn't get the license. So come along.

Don't laugh. Well, it's that great thing where, is this still the case that the quotas for Australian content on TV, that comedy and drama both count towards the same cap? Right, right. So, yeah, they throw us in because it's like, well, this is sort of, it's trying to be one, but it sort of ends up being the other. We're going under the term light entertainment because it's entertainment, but it's like, you know,

it's like, you know, Diet Coke. Yeah. It's light entertainment. It's not full entertainment. It's not really entertaining. It's not full. It's not fully entertaining. It's marginally better than staring at the wall,

but only just. It's like, you know, when something's light, it's like it's less calories. This is less laughs. It's not fully entertaining. It's marginally better than staring at the wall. But only just. It's like when something's light, it's like it's less calories. This is less laughs. It's light entertainment. Yeah, there are people out there that have said that they've watched paint dry and it's been sort of funnier than this. Right, okay. And that's fair enough. Yeah.

Depends what you're into. Depends what. Comedy is subjective. Hey, depends what the paint is in the shape of. If you're watching paint dry on a canvas and it's like a big dick, that's funny. You could laugh at that. Just the act of it drying, solidifying its place on the canvas forever. Yeah, so come along and see us.

Powerful riffs like that on October the 22nd, 8pm. 8pm? Sure. Maybe earlier. Yeah, something like that. Something like that. I think it's that. Something will be happening on that stage at 8pm.

Yeah. Whether it's the beginning, the middle, or maybe just the very end. Maybe it's cum drying on a wall. Yeah. Yeah. We'll be in the venue in some capacity. That is funny. That's funny.

This is more boring than watching cum dry. This is more boring than watching cum dry at the back of my throat. Yep. Yep. Oh, yep. Oh, boring. That's a hell of a system of mirrors you've got set up in order to watch that. Mouth open, just... And really dry throat.

Yeah, and it's not running down the back there or anything like that. This is my partner getting home. Oh, really? Yeah. I assume that. I assume not heaps of people have the key to your house. Well, you're left up to look down the corridor. I just want to make sure.

Like it could be Hughsy coming back. Yeah. I don't know what sort of relationship you have with Hughsy where he's got the keys or what. So, I don't know. True. Yeah, very true. But let's get into it. We've got to thank some subscribers of this show.

Yeah. On Patreon. Can I say this? Can I say this just before that? Because I left this out of the – I had this up the sleeve and I thought, probably not. Like, who cares? But I do think this is funny. This is part of the...

Behind the scenes working at the project, there's always good shit in terms of comments. Part of the job is you're clearing up comments. Not comments, but messages that people deem worthy to send to the project. That's been part of my job for a while. I've always got a few in the locker. I do like this run of... you get like people that like repeat offenders that are

always messaging the show and saying oh this and that and whatever and you get to see the timeline back through their history there's one guy i've never said this this this there's one guy that for years maybe like i honestly maybe seven eight years there is a guy that every time someone famous dies semi-famous dies yeah mildly famous dies yep he sends the link to the project and that is every day maybe multiple times a day he wants to be he's hoping to be credited yeah as the source yeah even though like it's not like oh he's you know he's broken the story it's always always just a link to Daily Mail or fucking news.com.au or whatever it's like. Posted 72 hours ago. Yeah, we all get that.

Yep, yep. We've all seen that. Did he send you the link of real estate Peter Hellyer in California dying in a car accident? No, I don't believe so. I wasn't working that day, so maybe. But anyway, so there's that guy, which is very strange. Well, maybe he'll be notifying you about the passing away of one of our Patreon subscribers this week. Yeah, maybe.

So here's a nice little run of one guy writing comments in a row. This is from the 8th of the 5th, 2018. That fat tart needs not to talk about Malcolm Turnbull's personal wealth. Okay. Next comment. Second of the 10th, 2019. Tommy, you are such a fucktard. Keep your shit comments to yourself, idiot.

Fucktard is such a... I hate it. Yeah. And then, by the way, this is from a guy who I reckon is easily 50 plus. Great. Next comment, and this is from last year. I've been watching your show on and off since it started way back when. My biggest issue is the way you are pushing people to suicide when you take the piss out of innocent people on the street that are maybe a little intellectually challenged.

I think it's absolutely horrible. Oh, wow. Okay. Did you check the last two comments you fucking made? Directly above that comment. Yeah, yeah. That fat tart and Tommy is a fuck tart. But also, the project's not out there doing like street talk.

Yeah. You know, you're not Nathan Fielder fucking, you know, just getting the everyday guy and roasting him. Sam Newman's not the roving reporter on the project. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So very, very funny stuff in my opinion. Some odd bods out there for sure.

Speaking of which, get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Speaking of fucktards. You can support the show. Get yourself two bonus mini episodes every week with great special guests. There's 260 something of them right now you get the entire back catalog if you jump on right now huge huge value huge bang for your buck in that one and also you help keep the lights on here and you go into the drawer to get your name read out in this segment of the show that's right how you feeling

this week you're stinging for lunch no this is a rare one where I actually remembered to eat before we did this. Very nice. Had a little brekkie burrito. So, good to go. I had a few drinks last night and made a horrific decision on the way home. I walked home, but this is what I ate on the way home at about 11, 11.30. I went to Domino's, got myself a mini pizza. Then I went to McDonald's, got myself like a medium meal.

And then Coles was still open over the road. Went over and got myself a six pack of chocolate chip cookies. I ate that on the way home last night. We were just talking off air about my dog. I was telling you my dog went 24 hours without doing a shit. And you were talking about similar issues with blanket. And you said, yeah, like she did, you know, like she's now now she'll just sit there the other day and she's like i want to eat three bananas and i'd never do something like that and then you back up this story yeah three full meals

yes the adult equivalent of three bananas really bad is that what you meant by i wouldn't do that you just wouldn't have fruit something that healthy i wouldn't be caught dead having anything good for what would you do that so no no um no food pressures for me, but we are doing this in the living room and I've misjudged the time that my girlfriend was going to be back. So I'm really feeling like we're clogging up the main area of the house. Because she came in and then she just did a U-turn and went right back out. Like Grandpa Simpson in the brothel, just straight out the door. Did she or did she go into your room?

I think she went back out. She might be going for a walk. I don't want to dox her. I don't want to blow up her spot. Okay. All right. Well, Patreon subscribers, let's crack into it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers.

Our first gab off the rank this week is, thank you to David Morey. David Morey. Thank you for giving Morey of your money. Yeah, yeah. And not Lessie. I wish this had been David Morrow. Thank you for giving Morey of your money. Yeah, yeah. And not Lessie. I wish this had been David Morrow. Why?

The Morrow bar. Oh, yeah. From the box of favorites. Oh, yeah. And what would you have said if it hadn't been that? I would have said yummy. Oh, good. Damn.

I wish that had happened now. We got given a box of roses as a gift. Roses chocolates? Yeah, they're a fucking pain in the ass gift. Nannies. Nannies chocolates. Yeah, genuinely, it was from a nanna. Why are they a pain?

Posted to us. Why? Pardon? Why are they a pain? I just feel like you get through, you've got your top tier ones. People in the house probably have differing opinions on which are the top tier ones. People in the house probably have differing opinions on which the top tier ones. And then you just invariably end up with a box that's left of three of the varieties that no one wants.

And you get to after dinner, you're on the couch and you're like, wouldn't actually mind just a little treat, just a little snack. I'm not going to go out to get it. I guess we've got that box of roses. And then you're just sifting through these chocolates that you just don don't really want this whole like variety pack thing it's like i don't like 10 different kinds of chocolate yeah i like two of them in there yeah yeah you know what i reckon they should have a rotating roster where i think there's something in it where you whatever it is whether it's cadbury favorites or roses i put it out you, whatever it is, whether it's Cadbury Favourites or Roses, they put it out there, the promotional. It's like, right, we're relegating some out of there.

Let's have the proper vote. Get people invested in it. What do you want in the fucking box? Every six months, there should be a referendum. Yeah. Some people that have come of age since the last one, they now get a say in the matter. You know? So it's like.

Keep everyone on their toes. Zoomers are voting for like fucking anal sex. Yes. Lollies and. Yes. You know, so it's like... Keep everyone on their toes. Zoomers are voting for like fucking anal sex. Yes. Lollies and... Yes. You know, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Keep it, you know...

Fuck Turkish Delight off if we've all decided, you know, it's only grandma chocolate. Oh, no, that's a top tier for me. Oh, that is? I'm voting for that. Okay, all right. Turkish Delight's my favourite. Will you get your voice?

Because it's the only... A full Turkish Delight? Too much. Will you give your voice? You give your voice. Because it's the only, a full Turkish Delight, too much. Can't handle it. Right. It might be the only chocolate that benefits from that size. Right. So that's the perfect amount of Turkish Delight. Everything else, it is a bit, you know, you get like one of the little cherry ripes and

you're like, I fucking want more of this. Right. I'm going to go through all of them in one sitting. Well, I would say you being hot on those two would not be the same as a lot of people. Yeah. So you get your voice in this way. Maybe the system doesn't work. I'm thinking the system gets rid of those two fucking chocolates, to be honest, but

maybe you're keeping them in there. Yeah, maybe I am. One vote could be the difference. Yeah. Yeah. That is the thing. They do this national campaign and then it's like, realistically, how many people are voting in this?

Probably like 18 votes across the country. Yeah. Not many people going out of their way. I'd be interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they released the full... Oh, you know what would be good? If you had celebrities that were allocated each chocolate.

Like, say if you had... Oh, they campaign. Husey was behind Turkish Delights. Right, right, right. You know, Helly was behind Cherry Ripes. Yep. You know that that would be and you had your people in each corner that would be interesting but that would be like

um you know it's always infuriating with the election where people are like you're not voting for the person yeah yeah yeah fuck off the party chooses the person yeah like you are like that's they're they are they're representative you're not eating tuesday you're not sucking his dick yeah when you pull him out of the box yeah yeah i eating Tuesday You're not sucking his dick Yeah When you pull him out of the box Yeah I'm not voting for Albanese Because I think he's like a fucking

You know Guy that I want to like hang out with I'm voting for him Because he's not the guy Who's a complete cunt Yes Fuck off Yeah

So that bleeding into like You know You're not actually voting for Tuesday Yeah You're voting for Turkish delight And just remember that For the properties Yeah

Yeah Exactly That would be tedious To be brought into that for the properties yeah exactly that would be tedious to be brought into that into the chocolate the chocolate referendum I would still love it that would be good

that would be still very interesting and so like this idea too that each of the chocolates is made by a different like that they're you know because they're all

just the same company yeah but this idea that they are all they splinter off yeah so they all become independent and then they're all having to like lobby a different sort of to be pushing it.

Whenever you see Hughsey live on stage or Hughsey pop up on a show or whatever, he's like sliding in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like working an in-gun Turkish delight though. How good's that? Fuck, did you hear about Crunchy? They got David Wenham. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. All that sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah. Bad mouthing other stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Mr. Anderson. Yeah, have a morrow. Yeah.

Yep. Okay, that's pretty good. I think that's good. All right, well, David... People at Cadbury, people at fucking Roses, get into this shit. David Morey, is that the guy's name? David Morey. David Morey.

Yeah. See if you can do anything about this for us. I forgot that that's not your name, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, who knows? It might be a weird coincidence where he does work at a chocolate factory. Also,

what a fucking scam. Like, you know, you see your blocks of chocolate on sale and you go, how are you making money off that? Sometimes when they're on sale

you go, you must be losing money. How are you making money like selling this on special and stuff? But those fucking boxes of chocolates, you look at that,

you know, how many grams they weigh, how much you get in there and what you're paying for it, that's where they're making their money back that's the other thing it's all fucking rubbish

yeah those fucking it's crazy that in an age where everyone's trying to be like there's more and more like trying to be as

you know eco-conscious as possible that a thing like yeah a thing like a box of favourites which is all trash yeah it's all landfill

yeah can still be on the shelves without a fucking outrage. You know what's good to have a look at? You know that thing in supermarkets where you look at, say you look at a six pack and then you look at a 12 pack or something and you go, and it's got the price and then you see below it, it says, you know, $2 per liter or $4 per liter, that sort of thing. Look at that with the fucking gift chocolate stuff. Look at a block of chocolate versus that.

It is, there is fucking daylight between the values. Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. But, you know, they've got you because you're typically getting them as a gift. Yeah. They know you've got to pay what it costs because that's the gift.

It's a bit hard to just rock up with a fucking bag of Smarties and go, there you go. There you go. Happy Mother's Day. There you go. There's a Kit Kat. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

Yeah. Fuck off. Yeah. There's a packet of M&M's. Open them. Come on. Show us you like them. Give us a couple.

I want a couple. Had some M&M's the other day for the first time in a while. They're great. Some crispy ones. Oh, yeah. They're all right. I love those crispy ones. They're all right.

They're like a full meal. They make the regular M&M look like fucking, look like nothing. They're like four times the size. Big fan. Deluxe M&M look like fucking nothing. They're like four times the size. Big fan. Deluxe M&M. Very hard at the moment to find regular M&Ms in the little 50 grand packet in the wild. Classic, really. In the wild.

Saw them quite a bit in Singapore. Okay, all right. Don't see them in the wild much here. All right. I want to fuck the green M&M. Thanks, David. Thank you, Dave's davy maury uh thank you very much to patreon subscriber sean mclaughlin sean mclaughlin that's him okay yeah

um i thought you picked up your phone then i thought you were going to do a quick intel on sean mclaughlin no i was picking up my phone to see if i was getting rinsed for being in this room, but we're all good. We're good? Yeah. She's left me. We can go for as long as you want, baby. Oh, great. Great.

We can get some girl guests in here and just matchmake. Sean McLaughlin. I'm still not done on the wrapping stuff of lollies. I don't know if I've told this, but I, I would have said this bit before. I'll tell you who loves trash. The Japanese, every fucking thing you buy over there comes in like individually. Like,

so my mom had this, my mom is a tutor and she had this student who gave her a box of Japanese biscuits that she really liked. And so then when I was over there and she couldn't find them here. And so when I was over there, and she couldn't find them here, and so when I went over there, I tried to find them. I just kept going up to Japanese people and being like, where do you get – she had a photo of them. I was like, where do you get this?

And they're like, we don't know. And then finally someone was like, they only sell them at the airport. Oh. All right. Well, great. I'm going there. That's weird. So I go out to the airport halfway through my holiday.

Now, on the way back, I got a big tin of them, big like a hundred of these biscuits because I wanted mum to have a nice little reserve of them. Open the tin up when I get home and give them to her. Snakes are all dead. Every single biscuit individually wrapped. Oh, right. It's just like these cunts don't care.

Like I've said this before, but like the first time I went, it was around the time that the people were getting outraged about the supermarkets getting rid of plastic bags. There was like a, you know, there was a certain person here who fucking could not handle that. And I was like, if you were that person, and you're like, fucking why has this got to happen? And then you come over to Japan, and it's just everything is wrapped in about eight layers of plastic. And then you come over to Japan and it's just everything is wrapped in about eight layers of plastic. I could understand being like, why have I got to fucking carry my tin so I'm in my arms if these cunts aren't making the effort?

It's like, yeah, okay, I could kind of understand. They are just not backing down. They're like, yeah, guess what? We fucking kill whales and we're fucking throwing plastic into the sea. Yeah, Singapore was a lot heavier on plastic bags and wastage and all that shit. I have noticed that Australia has... Heavier as in, like, just doing it? Yeah, doing it a bit. Yeah, right, okay.

Give me stuff that was individually wrapped and putting it in a bigger bag and then going, do you need another bag with that? I'm like, I don't need a couple of these bags. I don't really do. I don't need an extra bag. Do you feel like... I think they do this in Singapore, don't they? Like the cold drink that then comes in the bag?

Yes. Yeah. Thailand's hot on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So unnecessary. Do you ever, like you'll be out and, because I've got like a tote that I'll take to the supermarket, but then every now and then I'll be out just doing something else. And then I'm walking past the supermarket.

I'm like, actually, I will do that now. I'll do the shopping now. But then don't have the bag on me. Getting enough that I'm like, then you got to buy the bag at the checkout. And you just feel everyone else looking at you like, what a cunt. I don't know whether that's worse or I'm very adverse to buying the bags because I'm like, all right, if we're all doing this, I'm going to do my best. I'm not getting fucking plastic bags or whatever, especially because I have someone else in

my house that I live with that I won't name that cannot get enough fucking bags in the house. Really? So I feel like I need to offset that. Yep. Yep. Yep. Sure.

There's a lot of times I'm walking to my house with every pocket filled. Really? With my arms absolutely chockers. Right. And me stopping at some point to pick up a fucking big bucket of butter or something that's fallen off. Yep, yep. And just people, and the person at the cash register going, are you sure you don't want a bag? Yep.

And me with fucking 17 nectarines in my arms going, why would I need a bag? why would i need a bag we when i was when we were going to this airbnb that i talked about on that episode we stopped off at a little supermarket on the way no self-checkout old school just classic just the like just the people doing it for you yeah and it had been so long since i'd been at the actual oh you know check out that like self-checkout yeah i never go to it yeah i've just like i just go to a lot of supermarkets around here there's there's none left where there's people to do it for you and i'd literally make them open up really yes i just i stand at the register you're just at the counter with your cigarettes with the cigarettes with like yeah a chook gone you can you can put this you

can yeah it's all the same supermarket you can this for me. I made them do it yesterday in the airport, in Changi Airport. Okay. There was a... Have I said this to you or on here? Supermarket at the airport. Oh, yeah. Get it going. That's good.

The number of times I've been coming back from somewhere and it's like, you know, by the time I get home, it'll be nudging dinner. Yeah. Don't have anything in the house. That's good. You know, if there was... Imagine that. You just land. You're like, while I'm here, while I'm waiting for my bag toging dinner. Yeah. Don't have anything in the house. That's good. You know, if there was a... Imagine that. You just land.

You're like, while I'm here, while I'm waiting for my bag to come out, get some groceries, get home, dinner stuff's all sorted, great, don't have to leave the house again.

Well, there are 7-Elevens in those ones over there. True. There's not here, so you could nearly do it. Yep. You could nearly do it. Fuck, they've got some good choices in Changi Airport. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's too much choice i fly back i guess i i think i'm probably doing basically the same time flights that you did but i fly back at like 9 p.m or something yeah i flew back at 10 and so i was just like oh you know have the day to kill that's all right can be a bit of a pain in the ass you know sometimes i i just get very like i just don't like the stress of knowing i could be late for the flight yeah and i invariably just every time i've done that where it's like a late, late flight, I've just ended up getting to four in the afternoon and being like, I guess I'll just get on my road now because I can't be fucked like walking around the city

and not wanting to get too far away from where I've left my bags. But then remembering like, oh, it's Changi. You know, it's like the best airport in the world to just get to five hours early yes so yeah you can absolutely do that there is there is many floors of shit going on yeah yeah a great airport get down to the I didn't even appreciate how good it was until this time to be honest I hadn't explored it fully but um yeah get down to the very very very bottom yeah okay floor for the hot shit shit food court sort of stuff. Absolutely. But I went to Moss Burger.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And they were like, they had no one serving. They were just cooking at the kitchen. And they're like, yep, just put it all through the computer. Put it all, scan it through, type in your thing and scan your card and whatever. And I'm like, I'm not fucking doing any of that. I'm going to stand at the fucking counter. So someone came out to serve and I'm like, I'm not fucking doing any of that. I'm going to stand at the fucking counter.

So someone came out to serve and I was like, just serve me now. And they're like, all right. Fucking Westerners. Yeah, this supermarket we were at, I hadn't done the proper checkout person in such a long time that I just forgot everything about how it works. Like we've just put the basket up on the thing and then we've just kind of stood there and been like, oh, this is all right. Someone does it for you.

So I guess that's, that's, that's there now. And then she's looking at us and then just kind of like motioning at the basket. And then we go like, oh, that's right. You have to take the stuff out of the basket, which we've just looked like the most entitled cunts. Oh, sorry, Jeeves. I forgot this is what we're meant to do. Well, in my head, it's like you do literally

everything at the self-checkout. Right, right, right. And that's why that's different to this, which is where you do literally nothing. Right.

You thought it was like a car wash. You just stand there and it all happens on top of you. I thought that's why that came in. Right.

Is because this is the point of difference where from go to woe it's all you. From zero to a hundred there's nothing in between. Well, thanks, um, fuck. Thanks, Sean McLaughlin all you. From zero to 100. Exactly. There's nothing in between. Well, thanks. Fuck.

Thanks, Sean McLaughlin. Thanks, Sean McLaughlin. Yeah. You've inspired that riff that had absolutely nothing to do with you. But that's for you. Yeah. That was all for you. That was all you. All that airport talk.

Yeah. You know what? I'm going to give this to you as a gift because we didn't really talk about your name. You can take the patent of there being a supermarket at the Melbourne airport. Oh, great. You can have that one. Yeah.

When finally they come to their senses down at Terminal 4 and they just get rid of Tiger and they just put a little fucking Coles Metro in there instead, you can go, that was my idea. The idea of buying milk at Changi, that's all yours. Coming out with your souvenirs, your suitcase, and a big jar of Dolmio as you're waiting for the Uber. That was you. The idea of getting grapes from Tullamarine. Yep.

That's all yours, Sean. Just on the Skybus up the back, tucking into the bachelor's handbag, just stinking out the bus. Yeah, with $2.68 worth of Virginian ham. That's you. Have you ever bought a roast chicken in the bag and then realised there's another shop that you want to pop into? There's a bookshop near my supermarket that I'll go into every now and then and I'll have the groceries in my bag.

And just be walking around and you see people looking around and realise, because of me, this whole bookshop smells like roast chicken. I've done that. Just coming to and going, this is so rude. It is a weird move to look from outside of like someone with a hot chook that's getting colder at the minute, but you going, I wonder what does hot chook go with? Of mice and men?

Yeah. Maybe? It's just last minute going like, actually, I'll see if they've got that in and then being in there and just realizing the whole shop stinks. People hate me and being like, this can wait. I can do this tomorrow. I need a bit of Tolstoy with this roast chook. I don't want to just eat and not be educated at the same time.

There's a lot of wine pairings, but people don't really talk about what to, you know, because it's like... What fiction to eat with poultry. Well, yeah, realistically, I know what you're meant to do. And what I've been trying to do more of is like, you're meant to focus on the meal. Like sitting there and just like looking at your phone or having the TV on, you're not like,

if you've cooked a good meal, you should just be like sitting there and the meal is the activity. If it's something like good that you've cooked. But I mean, who fucking does that? That's a very unrealistic way of thinking about food. So if Netflix started to go, hey, if you've reheated some bolognese for dinner tonight, here are some shows

that go great with that. Oh, yeah. Not bad. That'd be good. I have to say, I know I bitched about the Singapore Italian meal, but very nice.

I'll bet. Very, very nice. Yeah. It was excellent pasta. A bit of fine dining. It was. The only shame was it was on a rooftop

and the rooftop, that was the one night where it rained. Oh, okay. So we had to sit inside and just look out and go, well, that would have been good. Yeah. We were on the rooftop undercover and with a view of not much. Okay. So you're sort of paying for the view.

Yep. And you're not getting the view. That would be nice if they had a clause. Yeah. You know, if it's rained out chuck we take 80 bucks off the bill yeah also i got a pasta that had like truffles and shit on top of it oh yeah and i'm like i didn't get it for that i got it because it looked like a nice pasta and then everyone else on the table is like going oh you're enjoying the truffles i'm like i would not fucking know what truffle

tastes like it's like truffle you know shavings and whatever it's like very strong flavor yeah i'm like oh yeah yeah, I guess so. I'm really enjoying the pasta and the meat that goes with it. But I would, you know, it went through my mind for a second. I would love to go to the chef and go, can you just not put the truffles on top and I'll pay $10 less? Sure, I mean, that is a very interesting extra angle to that story. You're complaining about this expensive wine

and then your part of the equation is, so I eating truffles yeah very expensive well i didn't i didn't mean to i didn't want it i wish i could have taken off like a supermarket and gone just like take that off i'll have 10 bucks off that thanks yeah no worries i'll just be in a little thing towards the fucking wine i didn't drink yeah yeah if you want it it's in a little thing like the parmesan little tub that they bring yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. And would sir like some truffle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sprinkled over? Yeah, yeah.

And just do that and then go, yeah, $10. Give us a $10 for that. I fucking hate the cunt standing there with the Parmesan. Really? Give it to me. Right. Because I always want, I always feel like I want more Parmesan than is an acceptable amount if it's someone else just scooping it out.

Yeah. Because, you know, you see the spoon kind of scraping the bottom. And I'm still, I'm not budging. And you can see them going like, fucking hell. How much longer am I going to be here for? Are you tempted to get them to come back halfway through when you go, well, I ate all the cheese. Can I have more?

I mean, that's a move I'll do at home. I'll put heaps on and then just be like, well, once it's kind of mixed around and in, you know what I mean? I don't really feel like there's cheese on top of this now. So I'm a big one for, yeah, I'll get up halfway through the meal, chuck a bit more on there. Fuck off cheese. That's Sean McLaughlin. Sean.

Thanks, Sean. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber May Pharrell. Pharrell. Now we've read, we've done this one because we talked about Pharrell. We talked about fucking Pharrell Williams. Pharrell fuck, what's his name?

Pharrell Williams. We talked about him for ages. Fuck. And then we got to the end we were like, may Pharrell make another album. Fuck, we have two. That's possibly the only, yeah that's possibly the easiest one yeah, that's possibly the easiest one to remember that we've done.

Oh, really? It's an incredibly specific riff where literally we said a sentence that had the person's entire name in it at the end of the riff.

Sorry. But hey, happy to remember, happy to fondly remember Pharrell and the music of N.E.R.D. and the Neptunes. Did we just do that one?

We did it quite recently. Damn it. All right. Sorry. Kicked off a big discussion in one of our Facebook groups. We will. Saying thank you, boys.

We will. Thanks for reminding us about the Neptunes. We'll move on. Sorry. Well done, May, for getting a double mention there. That being said, I don't think we ever heard from May themself is my memory. Yeah. But, you know.

What a fond memory there. All right. Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber, Philip Westbury. Okay. Westbury. Westbury. Westbury sounds like it'd be like the name,

like you go to someone's house and their fridge is a Westbury. Oh, yeah. And you just go, never seen this brand before in my life. Yeah. And they go, yeah, yeah, got it from Dick Smith for $18. My dad's a big one for that. Anytime he needs to buy some new electronics, straight into Dick Smith, straight to whatever the fucking cheapest model is. And then just calling for tech support and being like, I don't even know what you're describing to me.

And then being at their house and looking at it going, where you find this fucking tv really never heard of this brand in my life right oh it's a flamphong yeah yeah you know shit like that stuff where you can't expect any tech support if anything goes wrong with it it's got to go in the bin yep yep yeah it was um this uh this dvd player that was in the Airbnb that I was at. Just a great throwback. Chucking the DVD player on again. And again, it's the people who own the Airbnb have bought this DVD player for an Airbnb.

Not worth spending too much money on. So just this model that put the disc in and it sounded like a fucking jet engine about to take off. The DVD player really struggling to spin the data around and get a look at the disc. It's like, yeah, I reckon you've paid about $11 for this. This is a Kogan job. Right.

I was looking for a pub to watch some football in Singapore. And I was Googling, where can I watch English Premier League in Singapore? And I kept finding pubs that were like, yeah. Get a flight to London, mate. It's like 10 hours away. Just fucking do that, cunt. Yeah. Is that the advice?

No. A lot of pubs were, it's like, yeah, we're a football-themed bar and, you know, we've got the license or whatever. And then looking at the pics on Google Maps and going, I reckon you have an A4 TV. I'm going to fucking drive half an hour in a cab to watch, to fucking really strain, to suck on a wall, high up on a wall, and there's going to be 50 people trying to watch a fucking postage stamp TV.

No, thank you. No, thank you. You'll like this. So my friend who I'm going to Singapore to hang out with, who's there working in Sheffield. He's staying in an apartment building. Have a guess what is on the bottom floor, the ground floor of the building he's

in. The bottom floor of a building in Singapore. Something nefarious or something good? It can be both of those things. Oh, okay.

Often, simultaneously. Right. Let's say a hawker market. No. It's three words. Any more guesses? No. Okay.

Open mic comedy. Oh, really? Yep. I didn't think there was such a thing over there. Yeah, there's a gig. There's a gig that I've done a couple of times that's down there. And then there's, I think this place is like just opened up. Right.

They've got, yeah, they're midweek. I think they've got two or three nights of the week where they do open mic. Right. And then they do like pro show on the weekends. Right. Okay. I didn't even look it up. Yeah.

Well, I thought you may have been able to, I thought you may have said this, something I learned while I was over there, which is, have you ever heard of the phrase four floors of whores? Yeah. Someone posted, you put a thing on Facebook being like, oh, any recommendations? And it's like, someone puts that good stuff. I completely had forgotten that that was in Singapore. This sounds like the lady Doth protest too much.

I completely had in my mind that it was, yeah, somewhere else in the world. I absolutely agree because it sounds like you would think what people would describe Thailand like. Yeah. I didn't know. I genuinely didn't know it was Singapore. Because Singapore is a very classy city. Yes. It doesn't have that reputation at all.

So that's what I found out when I was there, right? So I went down there to be like, what's the bloody deal, guys? So what I did do when I went to watch the soccer, right? That was the only place playing. No, very close. All right. What happened was I found this place and there was, there was all these places like way off and I'm like, oh, fuck.

They had these tiny little TVs. I was like, fucking hell. So there was a couple of Irish pubs near our hotel. Like, all right, maybe they've got them on. Yep. So I went to this one. Fucking bingo. Went into this one place.

It had them on big screens, big fucking everything. I'm like, this is excellent. The only bad thing, again, that was fucking $20, $22 pints. Whatever. Who cares? So I'm like this is excellent the only bad thing again that was fucking 20 22 dollar pints whatever who cares so i'm doing that watching the game it's so full i'm having to share tables and stuff like that i sit with this guy and we need the window and halftime comes and there's all these like girls outside just like really near outside of our pub and they're all dolled up and whatever. I'm looking out there going, fucking, is there some sort of, like, hen's party on or something? And the guy goes, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, looking at them, are you? After that, after the match, I'm like, what? He's like, you know what that is, don't you? I'm like, not really. And he's like, that's, you know they're prostitutes, right? And I'm like, oh, okay, all right, fair enough. I'm like, oh oh I wouldn't have thought that here in Singapore

sex workers yeah what sex workers well I'm saying what he's saying but you would have corrected him if you really were an ally

oh well if I ever meet the man again I'll pull him up I'll pull him up yep so he goes going in there and the madam being like which prostitute would you like to not be like?

Uh, actually. Yeah. And he goes, uh, yeah, he goes, uh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that's what they are. Oh, okay. And I was, I'm the same as you. I was like, fuck, you can't put chewing gum on the street in Singapore. Like they're obviously like fucking, you know, super whatever.

It's like, no, no, no. It's just legal there. Right. Maybe the chewing gum thing is like because they're such a horny country, you know. Don't waste your mouth on that. Well, if you bend over to pick up, someone might bend over to pick up the chewing gum. They'll get fucked in the ass. Yeah.

Pick up the chewing gum. Yeah. They'll get fucked in the ass. Yeah. So, anyway, point being, the place I was drinking at was opposite the Four Floors of Horse. Right. Okay. So, I thought, again, like, you know, what you're saying is, you know, I didn't, you didn't remember it was Singapore.

I didn't even know it was Singapore. Not only is it Singapore, again, it's funny what you think in your head. Yeah. I would have thought it would have been some sort of hidden cladestine thing. It's in the main

fucking street. It also is in the main street. You really don't hear any people, like when that person posted that in our group, it had been so long since I'd heard,

so it was like a bit of a kind of almost meme there. You know, for a while there was like a, oh, get this. There's this place in Singapore and guess what it's called? Four floors of, you know what I while there was like a oh oh get this there's this place in singapore and it guess what it's called four floors of you know what i mean you never really

hear people talk about it anymore yeah i kind of had assumed it just had closed down or something yeah it's still there and going strong well not only that i think what it is is funny because in my head i'm like going oh it's just it's like a fucking theme park yeah like it's just a sex theme park or something like that. And so from the outside. So this is like saying, like it's in Bourke Street in Melbourne. Sure, yeah, yeah. It's literally in the guts. Yeah.

It's the major tourist thing, and I guess that makes sense. You can get tax-free Opals there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that stuff. Duty-free dick. Mm-hmm. I might go there just so I can see the place where you watch the soccer. That's your name.

It's not me going there. Just so I have that landmark to then you watch the soccer. That's the only reason I'd be going there. Just so I have that landmark to then go across the street. That's the only reason. It's such a memorable story that I've told you. You want to be part of it. I get it. Kind of visualize where the guy was. It's just a fucking normal building that's got other stuff in it as well.

So the funny thing is, I think, is that because it's not a theme park, it just happens to have a bunch of stuff going on in it or whatever. There's actually, so you would meet other people that work in the building. Right. And when you'd say, oh, where do you work? Oh, you know, building A. You go, ah. Right, right, right, right. It's like, no, no, no, no.

I work in an Italian restaurant in there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet there's fucking noodles happening in there. That's for sure. I'm just at the JB Hi-Fi. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, JB bet there's fucking noodles happening in there. That's for sure. I'm just with the JB Hi-Fi. Yeah, yeah. Go here, JB.

You've done it again. Sure. Sure, buddy. Yeah, yeah. No, I just work at the 7-Eleven. Oh, they're the hours that your ass is open, is it? Yeah, yeah. Nice, nice, nice, nice.

Well, so, yeah, my friend messaged me the other day because he's been there for a couple of weeks and he was like, yeah, they've got an open mic comedy gig down at the bottom of the building I'm staying in. You should try and do a gig while you're here. I'm like, I'm coming over to hang out with, you know what I mean? It's like, you want to watch me fucking die at an open mic in Singapore? Like, I'm going to, that's a night that's just like, I'm going to be stressed.

We're not going to end up going out for a nice meal. I'm not going to be able to fucking get you in. It's going to be you paying To come and watch me But then as it's getting close I'm like, it would be pretty funny Yes, absolutely I mean maybe they

Have some kind of building discount Me and Blakey and Kappa And a bunch of others are going to Bangkok in November Where I've already sort of Half locked us into doing these gigs at the Bangkok Comedy Club. Oh, yeah, right, right. And I'm like, oh, what a great idea. And I'm already starting to go,

oh, fuck, this is going to be a stress. Yeah, yeah. It genuinely, I mean, I've gone to Singapore a couple of times just to do a gig. And it's been fun, but it's also like this time, I just don't want to have a night where it fucking hangs over me. Yeah. I'll start drinking in the have a night where it fucking hangs over me. Yeah.

I'm going to start drinking in the afternoon, not worrying about bombing. Yes. Well, thanks, not Pharrell. Philip Westbury. Thanks, Westbury. Thanks, Westbury Fridges. Thanks, Westo. There is the Westgate Bridge shopping mall over there that I didn't go to.

Oh, yeah. But I was tempted until I thought, what am I going to do here? Take a picture at the front and then leave again? That'll be it. That's about it. Yep. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jill Welch. Jill Welch.

Sister of legendary pin-up icon Rachelle. Rachel. Rachelle Welch? Raquel. Raquel. Raquel. Raquel Welch. Rachelle? Rachel? Yeah. Getting colder. Nothing. Noelle Welsh? Raquel. Raquel. Raquel. Raquel Welsh. Rachelle?

Rachel? Yeah. Getting colder. Nothing. No. Dancers, no. My girlfriend looked up and found there's a dog costume shop in Singapore. So we're ignoring that and getting back to that.

Yeah. Sure. I don't want to talk about that. I'm about to go on holiday. I want to talk about that. Okay. Raquel Welsh. And she's...

My girlfriend's obsessed with like you have to go you have to go and get a costume for cupi right so i'm like i was like i'm not and then we looked through the website i'm like these are all awesome like i am going to come back with a lot of presents for him here's our idea we go trick-or-treating with him right when halloween comes up yeah we found a costume online that's um based from beauty and the beast now that's funny yeah beast is massive right and he's little yep and he's so cute that's Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Yeah. Now that's funny. Yeah. Beast is massive and he's little and he's so cute.

That's comedy. And you know, but then I'm thinking You dress up as Beauty? No. Me and my girlfriend, we dress up as the clock and the candelabra.

Oh, that's good. Walking him around. Yeah. I look forward to you sourcing those costumes. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be pretty good but also just being like,

just assuming that it's cool to trick or treat as adults with a dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. going to be pretty good. But also just being like, just assuming that it's cool to trick or treat as adults with a dog. It's like, no, it's pathetic. That's just adults getting lollies. You're not tricking us. And then your dog's just eating a lot of chocolate and dying immediately. Yeah, exactly. Well, he's the beast.

He's so strong. Right. My girlfriend went out for the night the other night and she was babysitting. So she was like staying over at her nephew's house and she sent me a video, 14 signs that your dog loves you. And I was sitting on the couch with the dog, and I watched it, and I was nearly in tears by the end because he does all of them. 14 out of 14. Oh.

Yeah. Got very emotional. What's your favorite one? You know when you're holding a dog and they like put their arms out like that and it feels like they're kind of pushing you away. That's them trying to pat you because they can't, they don't have that mobility. That's if you're patting them, if you're cuddling them, that's them trying to go like, hey, I'm doing what you do to me.

Right. And that I was like, you do that all the time. Quite a similar thing. You know, last time we went away, we to thailand for two weeks and we came back and the the cat had got really stressed and all and sort of like got a bit of dreadlocks in its furth i think like being stressed and and you know being uh uh you know just seeing a lot of stressed people in byron yeah they're meant to be unwinding up there yeah but um obviously being very stressed and not you know we had you know in-laws and stuff coming around to feed the cat and spend a little bit of time.

23 hours of the day, we're seeing no one, just being around the house for two weeks. So, came back, couldn't get rid of the cat for ages, whatever. This time, we go away for five days, come back. I reckon within one hour, the cat had a fucking claw half an inch deep into my finger. Really? Just me going, oh, i'll give you a nice pat fucking bang jesus christ all right i'll i'll go away for fucking two weeks again give you a fucking another all right bob marley i'll fucking leave leave you to it there's a yeah there's like

a there's a good there's a degree of time that's like good yeah the cat is like maybe another couple of days would have been the difference yeah i said that to a friend about watching the having a breakdown watching the signs your dog loves you video and this is a friend of mine who got a cat in lockdown in the first lockdown and has just really gone off the deep end in a way where i've been very mocking of and then it's like oh within a day that was me fair enough i'm sorry i didn't you know didn't know yep all right i've succumbed to the exact same thing. And she was like, yeah, wait until you do what I do, which is daily Googling.

Does my pet hate me? And I had to be like, I don't reckon that's a thing that's happening with dogs. I don't think they have the capacity to sulk around and treat you like shit. It's like, yeah, you can be, you can be, you know, you can scold them. And then they're like five minutes later, they're like, we're cool. Right. They're not friends again? They're not big getting the shits up animals.

They don't carry grudges. No. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. Fuck, what was I going to say about our cat? I was wondering about your cat because I've been driving past your house a fair bit on the way to puppy school. Oh, really?

The last couple of weeks. Right. Week three the other day, my dog, the first of all the dogs in the three weeks, to do a piss and a shit in the class. Oh! In the same class. Wow. Mortifying stuff. Yeah. And then the trainer

going on and on and on about how big of a shit it was. Right. Just really twisting the knife. Right. And everyone like, so much judgment from all the other... It's probably a schooling Hawthorne for you. The only one we could get him into was in Camberwell. Oh.

Because at the point that we got him, I think you're meant to start doing it by 14 weeks, and we got him at 12 weeks. Yeah. So all the ones that we were looking up around here were like, we're done until the end of September. So it was the only one we could find where we could get him in. In a slightly similar way.

This is what I did yesterday. So we came back. We landed at six or seven in the morning. Overnight flight. Yeah. Obviously not ideal for anyone. Sleeping, you know, leaving at 10, sleeping overnight. I'm doing it

I go out of my way to avoid it where I can but no options with this trip nah coming back from Asia you can't do it it's impossible

I hate it yeah I don't mind it too much but it was the full family you know in the row I sort of backed myself

to get enough sleep I had to work as soon as I got off the plane I went straight to work I was like I just I had to self-med, chucked a couple of Valiums down the gob and crossed the fingers. The thing was, the rest of the family didn't do that, just took their chances and tried to have a bit of a sleep. Oh, your child didn't take Valium? No.

No. My wife almost feels like Valium is like a psychedelic drug or something is that fearful of it yeah so um well i'm not i'm not allowed to take any i've talked about this before right i'm fucking forbidden right because of having blood pressure stuff so yeah that's i kind of hate it even more because it's like yeah i literally will not sleep i'm no chance of sleeping on the plane right whole next day is just fucked. Right. Okay. Okay. That's why. That makes more sense. So then they sort of, you know, had average sleeps on the way back. I mean, even with me, you know, you're only flying.

Coming back from Singapore, it's only, I think, about six and a half hours or something. So by the time you get in, they turn the lights off. They, you know, they do their great thing of serving a meal at midnight where you're like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah. 9.30 take off, land at 6am. It's like, guess what? I'll have dinner before and then I'll have breakfast as soon as I'm home.

Man. It's fine. Take the evening off, guys. We left at 10. They fucked their shit around and then they serve it at about 11. We've had dinner. Yeah. We're fine.

Yeah. Turn the lights off yeah yeah hang around hand around a couple of packets of m&ms or whatever no i hate that i find i get very agitated in the plane when there's like lots of movement when all that stuff is kind of going on i just want that stuff out of the way so i can just kind of lock in and do what i'm doing whether it's sleep or just reading a book i fucking hate that like yeah if you're in a you know if you're in the aisle then they're like you, they're leaning over you to ask the people next to you what they want.

It's like so disruptive. The worst. So anyway, we get back. We're, you know, we're used to, I'm used to what? Seven hours sleep, maybe. Six to seven hours sleep. My wife's used to probably a bit more, like eight, nine, nine hours sleep. The kids used to 12 hours sleep my wife's used to probably a bit more like eight nine nine hours sleep the kids

used to 12 hours sleep a night so then the kids having maybe five or so okay i don't know i'm out of my fucking mind by then who knows i'm done i'm comatose so she's had about you know four or five hours sleep instead of 12 so we get off the plane yeah I reckon this is not my problem anymore. Let's chuck her at daycare. So the kid's gone to daycare for the day. Straight away. On five hours sleep. Fresh off the plane to daycare. Yep.

Fucking hell. How'd they like that? Have fun, guys. Yeah, yeah. Put a fresh t-shirt on her. Yep. Hey, I'd feel a bit worse about that if you weren't charging the big bucks. Yeah.

Yep. If this was like a volunteer thing, I'd actually feel a little bit, I might not have done it. I might not have subjected another human being to that. If this was grandma, you know, oh, sorry about this. And here's a heads up,

but it's not, I'm paying for this. Yep. You fucking deal with it. Yep. So, yeah, it was last night.

Very quick scoop of the kid out of daycare and no eye contact made with any teacher and thought, I reckon my kid may have king hit someone today. Right. I don't know. Something really bad could have happened, you say, I reckon.

I think this kid might have come fresh from a flight. Yeah. And they're wearing Qantas pyjamas. One. Oh, man. Well, thanks, Raquel Welsh. Yes. Thanks, Raquel Welsh.

One of the posters, you know that nice little show of the passage of time in the Shawshank Redemption when he updated the posters of the women that he wanted to have a big old prison wank over. What about this? Never seen it. Oh. Wow. Never seen Shawshank.

Well, it used to be the old cliche. I don't play AFL That's what that tells you That's it The old cliche of AFL football players Would say that's the favourite film Have seen Anchorman though Turned into Anchorman

Yep What do you reckon it is now? What is it now? Do you know? No I don't What do you reckon? Yeah What's been the last like

I could say like Dark Knight having Having made a run for it at a certain point. Oh, God. Or, like, oh, it's probably some fucking Marvel shit. Oh, yeah. It's probably, like, the Avengers. Yeah. Probably Avengers Endgame or something like that.

Yeah, maybe. Is there a definitive? Or, like, a John Wick or... Yeah. Yeah. Fast and Furious. Fast and Furious Fast and Furious yeah but I mean

the idea that every player in the AFL unites on which one of the nine is the one maybe that time's gone where there's a one movie

yeah there's no there's like no commonality between Shawshank and Anchorman like that you know what I mean like there's no way

Shawshank is the is the the dumb man's smart movie. Yeah, sure. Good movie, I believe. I don't know if it held up. I guess so. I would like to watch it.

It was a movie I did cry in the cinema for. Whoa. Went with a good mate, got up, and did the old get up and assumed he would have been crying as well. Absolutely not. Wow. Oh, okay. I've just got something in my eyes. Yeah, it's tears, you big fucking sook.

Maybe I'll watch it on the plane. You know, you're more predisposed to that kind of stuff when you're on the plane. I cried to Red Dog on a plane once. That's not bad. I cried along to Red Dog. I'm singing along to it. I cried along to Red Dog.

That's a good idea. Those emotional... They have the sing-along sessions of Sound of Music. They just like, at a certain point when the dog dies at the end of Marley and Me, I mean,

that's just right at the end. Yeah. There's not much interactivity up until then. I wonder if they do that because they definitely, they pick certain films for the plane.

They don't put anywhere planes are blowing up and stuff like that on planes. There's no terrorism on movies on planes yeah maybe they just don't put marley and me on they don't put yeah but with the advent of you know most people on a plane i think now these days are just watching their own thing

they've got the lappy they've got a few things downloaded they got the ipad certainly easier than it's ever been so the idea of getting on a plane with just a fucking, like the World Trade Center movie and just like, just all terrorism and AVA, like fucking Sully, just watching all that kind of shit. Right, right. Just seeing if anyone goes, are you insane? What are you, what's wrong with you? Yeah.

I did watch, I watched, I think I watched, I did watch some movies. Yeah. I watched an hour of the new Top Gun movie having never seen the first one. Yep. I was thinking I might do that. I still haven't gotten around to that. Yeah. What did I watch?

I started watching everything, everywhere all at once. Oh, yeah. I think it's not a movie to watch on a plane. No, it's definitely not. No. That's kind of, I did think, because yeah, a plane is like, it's not a movie to watch on a plane No it's definitely not That's kind of I did think Because yeah

A plane is like It's a great way of Knocking off some movies Absolutely From the backlog Absolutely And Top Gun Maverick Is turning into one of those things

Where it's like People People get personally offended That you haven't seen it yet Right And I was like Oh yeah I could load that up on the iPad That's a good one

But like It just seems like Yeah not the not the plate not the environment for it oh i i very quickly i figured out i started watching that everything everywhere all at once or whatever and going oh that's a movie i want to see at some point so watching going i don't want to fucking watch this on a plane yeah this sucks it would be i need i need something disposable so i end up watching fucking um i watched the new batman whatever that that is.

Oh, I watched that like last week. Yeah. It's good. Yeah, it's fine. I liked it. Yeah. I'm not really into that sort of stuff, but on the plane it was fine. I really liked how for all the like, you know, the Christopher Nolan ones, like, oh, he's

gone. It's a more gritty, realistic take of Batman. I thought this was more so than that in the sense that you have the cops being like, why is this cunt here who's dressed like a bat? We're fucking trying to do our jobs. And didn't do a lot of like Batman things or whatever. He was just some cunt in a cape. Yeah.

Yeah. He's just a rich dude. Yeah. He's just got resources. I did notice one thing when he took the gear off, you know, when he's battering the fuck out of every cunt that went near him. Takes all the gear off and went, I don't reckon you're that strong. He's not, yeah, Arpatz isn't quite ripped enough, is he? No.

Nolan, you really bought it. Yeah. He's a bit more of a tank. Him was like, why does he deck everyone? Yeah. I don't know. I think I'm going to watch Top gun maverick on the plane but i am just gonna be constantly like nudging the person next to me going that's just like us right

now right that's what we're doing right that's what we're doing give your whoever's next to you give them a nickname yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah who do you want to be i'm gonna be fucking rooster yeah is that a name already i I don't know. Yeah, and you're... You're Shit Eye. Yeah. I'm... I'm... Freezer Neck.

Yeah. Thanks, Philip Westbury. Thanks, Westbury. No, thanks... No, we did him. Thanks, Welsh. Thanks, Welsh. Welsh.

Jill Welsh. Yeah. Jill Welsh. Raquel. All right, one more. Let's go. I've got to get to another potty. Oh, do you?

I do. I've got to go and just, I don't know, get some shit fucking done. One more. Let's go. I've got to get to another potty. Oh, do you? I do. I've got to go and just get some shit fucking done. It's been a long day. Thank you very much, too. Oh, okay. Wow. All right. Slightly different.

I haven't been sponsored by something like this before, but okay. I think I know what it's going to be, and I'm pretty excited. Have you picked it? I think it's going to be funny. All right. Well, you haven't picked it thank you very much to Patreon subscriber four flaws of comedy

yeah that's what I picked I would have been incredibly disappointed if it hadn't been anything else fridge comedy Raquel comedy movie on the Shawshank comedy else. Fridge comedy. Raquel comedy. Movie on the floor.

The Shawshank comedy. Top comedy. Maverick. That's good. Four floors of comedy. That's the gig

that you're obviously performing at when you go to Singapore. Have fun doing that. Getting up there talking about the

Harold Holt pool while getting your dick sucked on stage. That's it. I can't wait. Looking out the window and being

like that's where Carl watched can't wait looking out the window and being like oh that's where Carl watched the soccer fuck this is great alright thanks everyone thank you for listening at littledumbdumbclub.com for the Patreon

the tickets to the upcoming live show live show October 22 Saturday night in Melbourne get along little doggies all your

dum-dum needs thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you mates