The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 629 - Live! Tom Ballard, Nick Capper & Concetta Caristo

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

We're LIVE this week "celebrating" our 12th birthday and finally unveiling the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame! We're joined by TOM BALLARD for some late betting odds on who might be inducted, CONCETTA CARISTO makes her debut on the show after literally dreaming about it for years, and Hall of Fame nominee NICK CAPPER shares his favourite memories of Bangkok. PLUS Milan tells us a joke, there's messages from absent nominees, surprise drop ins, and we crown the inaugural inductee for 2022! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode recorded live with guests Tom Ballard, Nick Capper and Conchetta Caristo. This is it, the culmination of our months-long journey to set up the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. At the end of this episode, you are going to know who the first ever inductee is. Very exciting stuff. Also, we're celebrating our 12th birthday, Tommy, as well. Not really. We mentioned it, maybe. Barely comes up.

But yeah, enjoy this recorded in front of a live audience just this past weekend. Yeah, enjoy this one and we'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum.

Yes. Hey, mate! Welcome once again into the Little Dun Dun Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Go, you guys. I feel like I am on the brink of shitting my pants on stage. We have had a fair delay, and it's because the sound guy kept coming in going,

is Tommy off the toilet yet? So... Nah. So I genuinely, I might need to leave halfway through this. Fuck. At some stage, so yeah. You know when I said that? Any advice for shitting yourself in public?

You know when I said backstage, let's go out there and start strong? Yeah. I didn't say let's go out there and threaten the audience with shit. Exciting stuff, guys. We are here for the Little Dundum Club 12th birthday party. Yeah. That's what we're all here for. Some of you are here for the Hall of Fame,

the Comedy Hall of Fame, yep. It's Australian Comedy's Night of Nights, the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Yep, yep. Are you people here for that? A lot of you are here for that. We have heard that some people came in and were overheard going, we're just here for the Hall of Fame and what's Dum Dum Club?

So those people, sorry. But once again, no refund. Yeah, I think those people thought they were going to see an event hosted by Shane Bourne. Yeah, yeah. I'm about to shit my pants. thought they were going to see an event hosted by Shane Bourne. Yeah, yeah. Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! I'm about to shit my pants. Ha-ha!

We did hear the bar manager answer calls because, you know, there's usually just like a normal stand-up comedy show at this time on a Saturday night and tonight it's us instead. And I heard a lot of pained phone calls of them going, yes, it's a podcast. It's an internet thing. Click. Yeah. an internet thing. Click. Exciting stuff. So how many people are here? Who's excited to see some Little Dumb Dumb Club 12th birthday party material? All right, well, you're shit out of luck

because all the effort's gone into the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. In fact, a few people came in early and one lady came up to Cal and said, Happy birthday. And I went, fuck, it's birthday's today? I thought it was fucking in March. What the fuck? Forgot that's what this show was. Yes.

We're here at the Comics Lounge. We've done plenty of gigs here before. This is a nice big venue. Yeah, we have. I, slightly different. I don't know if I've told this on the podcast. They used to have, I did a gig once here with the real

Chopper Reed. Yeah, I don't know if you knew he was a comedian or not, but he was, I don't know what the fuck was going on, but years and years ago, obviously, because he's fucking dead, but he was literally doing a comedy show here, but it was like he was calling the comedy show

and then you'd turn up and there'd be all these people and then he'd be like describing inch by inch how he was slicing someone's throat in prison with like a rusty tin can. And that was the response it was getting. It was sort of the live podcast of its day, wasn't it? But it was like that, but then there was people doing guest spots.

I was like, yeah, and then all the blood pissed out of his neck and he was dead. Anyway, welcome to the stage, Carl Chandler. Bring back the neck blood pissing gear again. But he had a bodyguard that was like completely tattooed, his whole head was tattooed with jigsaw puzzles. Okay. Yeah, and so then it was like, we were waiting backstage to go on, it was like Chopper and

Jigsaw Head. Right. Oh, so they're the two hosts of the show. No, no, no. He's just like the bouncer or the security or whatever it is. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We should get him on the pod.

Man. Jigsawhead up here. Yeah. And he was there. And so I'm shitting my pants because I'm like, fuck, I'm here. I'm in a small enclosed space with Chopper and Jigsawhead. And then Chopper said to me, what, are you fucking any good as a comedian?

And I was like, oh, fuck, how do I answer that to him? Because he's like, I need someone for a fucking gig that's like five hours away. And I was like, he goes, how much do you fucking charge? And I was like, oh, fuck, what do I do? Do I overcharge or undercharge? Or like, what's going to happen here? And he goes, and I said, oh, $100?

And he goes, you sound fucking shit. Happy to cop that one chopper. Sorry I can't make the gig. I wonder who he ended up getting for that gig. It would be fascinating to know. It's not still on the go. You can't get it. Ah, fuck. I really want to do the murder gig.

Well, hey, speaking of being asked to do gigs in some way out places, you and I got a request a few weeks ago now. Yes. We had someone hit us up and say, would you guys come and be at my husband's 40th birthday? Yeah. And I think that person is here tonight.

I think they're here. Are they here? Are you prepared to show yourself you fucking cowards you want us one on one but you don't want to talk to us like this it's you it is you yeah cool nice one

we forgot to ask how much yeah well let's barter. What's it worth? Don't kill us, we'll do it for $100. It's like, what are we, I don't know, what are you thinking? What were you thinking two podcasters charged for a birthday party? What were you

thinking when you booked a ticket to this? Yeah. $1,000. Each? Each or as a pair? $1,000. Each? Yeah, all right. Each or as a pair? You have never listened to this show, have you? Yeah, yeah.

And what are you imagining we'd do at the party? Do you want us circulating or do you want a show? Because you're booking it for your husband. Hang on, your husband's not Chopper, is it? Oh, no, no, no. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, so what do we do for a corporate birthday party? What do you need us to do for $1,000? A roast.

A roast, okay. Yeah. Wait, hang on. How long have you guys been married? Five years? When I hear roast, I'm thinking they're trying to spice things up. You know what I'm saying? I think we're

going to be earning every cent of this thousand dollars. Is this a verbal roast? Yeah. Because that's going to cost more. We'll do the physical roast for much

cheaper. Alright, so it's in like a week, isn't it? It's the next weekend. So you want us to get up at your husband's 40th and just call him a cunt in front of his nearest and dearest. And presumably, presumably none of the other attendees know us or the podcast. I love the idea you've got this chockers birthday party and we walk in and you go,

Nudge, nudge, we've got some podcasts here is there anyone else in at the party or is this sort of like a just the two of you like some sort of eyes wide shut sort of scenario or is there other people going to be there yes or no like how many

20 people oh fuck we do plenty of stand up gigs like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll spook us out, if anything. Yeah, I don't know. This is sounding pretty good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I think $1,000 has been spiked up because there's a lot of people listening. As soon as we, after the gig, we walk over and she's like, deal's fucking off. Yeah, once we get into negotiations, this sounds alright, we just circulate the party, call this guy a cunt, sounds like definitely have sex with his wife, this is like,

just another, just another day in paradise, you know what I'm saying? There is a discount, we will do it for less if we get to have sex with one of your spouses, so yeah.

That is, that is a discount. We're gonna, why have we been doing cameos when we could do shit like this? Fucking hell. Yeah, yeah, sex parties, yeah. That is a discount. We're going to... Why have we been doing cameos when we could do shit like this? Fucking hell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sex parties, yeah.

Cameos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I'm glad to hear a round of applause, but it does make me feel a bit ill that that's the... We're just like, it's always the first few minutes

you're working out where the bar is and it's like, oh God, it's there tonight, isn't it? Great. Also, you're already coming out one end, now you're going to be coming out the other end as well, so there's a lot going on. A lot going on for you. I was about to say, big of you to think I'll still have diarrhoea in a week's time, but

I almost definitely will with my diet and general way I live my life. Yeah, yeah. What else? No one who bought tickets to the Hall of Fame directly have walked out yet no look we're just presenting that we just are doing a fair bit of

talking about fucking someone's wife up front that's all that's like we're the warm up act for the awards ceremony for those of you that bought tickets

to the awards yeah we're just here to kind of the Ben Lomas of comedy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they'll get that

the people who just bought the Hall of Fame tickets. Yeah. Well, what do you think? Should we get our guests out? Yes. Yes. All right, folks, let's get...

We've got three great guests tonight. Very excited about having all of them on, so please welcome to the stage Tom Ballard, Nick Capra and Conchetta Caristo. Hello, mates. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hey, Tom and Conchetta.

Was there another guest backstage when you walked out? Is there anyone else backstage that might want to come out? He's got cancer. He might want to do an entrance. Right, okay. Alright, I don't know what the fuck is going on, but then again... Wow, he's gotten to the point where even his walking onto the stage is bombing. Awesome.

Who are we talking about? Could be anyone. What the fuck is going on? Where is he? Oh, I didn't know you said my name. Oh, shit! So, Nick Capper didn't come out when his name was called, has already talked off mic. It's actually one of your better gigs so far.

I don't know. I was preparing for something else, but yeah. Hey, Elton, where do you get your ideas? Elton smells like the John. We've got a new nominee for induction, everybody. I didn't even hear that, but I know it's good. I guess that's why they call it the P.U.s. The stench is back.

All right, all right. Hey, look. Hey, Nick Cappy, for people at home, you're very well-dressed. Someone's very fucking presumptuous of what's going to happen tonight. No, no, this is the way I always dress. It's a big show. It's a professional show. A lot of people come in. For people at home, he's dressed as James Bond meets Liberace. I hate it when people win awards and they change, you know.

I like my asses shaking, not stirred. What does that mean? It's going to be one of those nights, isn't it? Oh, shit, sorry, he's far away. The stench has hit me on the side of the stage. Yeah, yeah. Now, Conchetta, lovely to have you on the show for the first time. Thank you.

Conchetta, I'm you on the show for the first time Conchetta I'm a fan yes hello you do your own podcast called Big Natural Talents some people here listen to there's obviously a bit of crossover now great podcast thank you very evocative title yes I was listening to it in lockdown last year and you

had a riff where you were talking about how you had been having a series of sex dreams three nights in a row where the first night you had a sex dream about the viral tiktok guy who was predicting the case numbers in sydney yeah so a bad one the second night join the club the second night you had a sex dream about uh kend from Succession trying to eat your pussy in public. I mean we've all been there. Once again, join the club. And the third night you had, to quote you,

a sex dream about one of the hosts of the Dumb Dumb podcast. Oh my God! Specifically the scary one. Now Conchita obviously I'm flattered, but I don't think I'm scary. Wow, the mental health crisis in this country is insane,

and lockdown really fucked us all up, hey? Wow, so... I'm not in that club. Yeah, I didn't sit here by accident. And I didn't forget my wedding ring by accident. So... by accident. And I didn't forget my wedding ring by accident. Do you want to know what happened? Not really, no.

If you could leave out as many details as possible. Boy, I could go on lockdown right now. Have I literally scared you straight from that line? Yes. What? Have I literally scared you straight from the line? Yes What? It's all a bit fuzzy now, Carl But I'll never forget your intensity

And your charm and your wit and your big hands And that's all I'll say on that Did he eat your duck sandwich? Is that what happened? And that's all I'll say on that. Did he eat your duck sandwich? Is that what happened? Give it up for Conchetto. See you later. How well did you know Carl prior to that?

I've never met you before. Oh, shit. He has, like, his, what's that thing? Your reputation precedes you, Carl. Oh, yes. You like a bad boy. Yeah. Bad at comedy boy. Or just a cunt.

Yeah, okay. Carl, would you try swinging your hat, your cap backwards to, like, add to the bad boy thing? Whoa! Wow. Dad! Hey, go to bed, son. We've got business.

No, come on. You're not my real dad. Go on, what happened? What's the setting? No, no. Oh, yeah, where were we? It was a... Oh, fucking hell.

I'm going to gag. Hey! Conchetta wanted to spot it. Spleen comedy. Yeah, some people sleep to the top to get on TV shows. I slept to the top to get on a podcast, a live podcast in my dreams. No, I don't really remember. It could have been anywhere.

You know what I mean? But that's not the only thing I want to say about the lore of this podcast. It's been a long time coming to get here to sit in this seat because I... Thank you. Let's make it earnest. No, but I used to work at a bar.

I'm from Sydney. I used to work at a venue in Sydney called Giant Dwarf. And it was like an indie venue and there'd be small shows. And then this was. I used to work at a venue in Sydney called Giant Dwarf. It was like an indie venue and there'd be small shows. This was before I really did stand up and knew about the scene. Then there was this show that was on with these two fellas

before pre-sex stream, before I knew of him. The seed was planted. Yes, yes. Before Root. This show, it was the first time I'd seen the theatre

like this like packed out. It was crazy. It was like full of people and whatever and then after we'd have to clean up and usually it's a pretty easy clean but this time

it was a mess. The toilets were destroyed. People were pissing and shitting and those wine bottles coming out of the toilet. It was like, we were there for like an hour after. And I was like, I'm going to fuck Carl one day. And get back at him.

I'm going to fuck some manners into him. That's the last thing I do. What was his favourite position, European or spleen? At his new gig, Sex Basement Comedy, yeah. From memory, I think I did that show too. Really? Do you remember? What are your memories? I remember. I did very well, but no sex dream about me.

Your reputation precedes you, that you're gay. So, nothing could happen. Oh, give it a crap. Better than Carl for fuck's sake. Jesus Christ. The proof's in the pudding. Sorry, buddy.

This is the next ballot box thing we've got to do. Who would you fuck, Carl or Bella? Fuck, marry, kill. Fuck, marry, bomb. And include Kappa in there, yeah. Oh! Now that crossed the line here at the Dumb Dumb Club.

This is a good Christian comedy podcast. Now get back to talking about fucking this old man. No, no, no. That got too slutty too quickly. I'm a virgin, so... Let's move on. Not in your dreams, though. My girlfriend had a dream the other night that i cheated on her in the dream and i was fucking paying for it for 48 hours what do you think

about that yeah i just like had another girlfriend in her dream yeah and she was like you're just talking you're just saying to people like check out my other girlfriend and just like introducing me to her and i was like this is so fucked and I was like what was the what did the um describe the other girl and she described it I was like she sounds hot I made it worse I made it drag on for another 24 hours did you tell your partner that you had had a sex dream about old mate here um oh well does he listen to your podcast I guess um yeah yeah yeah so that's so funny. Because I like, yeah, I did. And I do this a lot in the interest of being truthful with my partner.

I'm like, how good am I? I'm so comfortable with my boyfriend that I tell him every time I have a sex dream about someone else. But on his end, he just hears me wake up in the morning and be like, hey, I just fucked one of your friends in my dream. So I've stopped. I've said stop. Private. Keep some things to yourself. We need to change the sheets.

I just fucked Carl Chandler in my mind. Hey, a lot of people have done that. It's not a bad thing to do, okay? Citation needed. You do look a bit like Christina Ric do, okay? Citation needed. You do look a bit like Christina Ricci, which is Carl's type, as we've discussed on the podcast. Oh, so like freaky deaky. She looks freaky, right?

That's so strange. What about like, don't I look like Sofia? She's freaky in Carl's mind, yes. I want to be told I look like Sofia Vergara. Like, I don't want to look like Sofia. No offence, I love all women, sorry I don't tear other women down This is a feminist podcast, thank you Kappa, welcome, welcome finally to the show Yes, thank you, thanks guys

How are you feeling? Are you a little bit nervous given the gravity of the situation and the event coming up? Yeah, yeah, you know, like I'd prefer if the calibre was higher A little bit nervous given the gravity of the situation and the event coming up? Yeah, yeah, you know, like I'd prefer if the calibre was higher than I was up against. You've been dragged into the gutter of people you're nominated with. Yeah, yeah, you know, in that open mic circuit again, but I'll get back up there one day. Yeah, yeah, okay. It's nice, I've been thinking about ways I could approach it.

I had a publicist and yeah, they've gone all out for me. Yeah, yeah, that's the way I think it's going to be. I should have told you to walk out on stage on the fucking right time. But anyway, yeah. Yeah, I didn't hear my name. I was like, oh, how come they only brought out those two? And then I said to my mum, oh, man, did they say my name? And she's like, oh, yeah, they did.

No, no, no. What about the three and a half minutes after that where we were going, Nick Capper, where the fuck are you? Yeah, yeah. Well, then I thought maybe I I'll do a cool grand entrance. You know what I mean? I did say to Tom, you only introduce the people that have had sex dreams about me,

so that's why those two came on. No, Daddy, no. Capa, have you, be honest, have you written a speech, a winning speech? No. Yes, you have. No, I do have some paper that I've got to refer to just for words.

I wouldn't call it a speech. Just for words. Yeah, yeah. For words. Sometimes I forget words like at, is, syllables. You know, it's one of those. Other than that, it'll be at the top of my head. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm like with improv.

Fuck, I'm struggling today. What's been happening? You said you had something before. Oh, man, it's crazy. Guys, things are working out for me, right? Yep, things are working out for me. I got a job in a fabric factory. Yeah, packing big rolls of fabric.

So, yeah, things are looking up. Is that why you stole that suit? That's homemade. He made that. He made that in his lunch hour. I'm Edward Scissorhands back there. Make a modern suit. Another cutting edge reference

for the next inductee. It was a bit fresh for me. History hand, by the looks. The movie. Anyway. So you're in this fabric factory. Yeah, and...

Looking at material. Yep. For your act. Getting material. Oh, fuck you. That was alright. I'll be quiet. Anyway, sorry, man. Cap your act. Getting material. Oh, fuck you. That was all right. I'll be quiet. Anyway, sorry, man.

Cap, don't be too funny. You might shark us out of this $1,000 to appear at a 44th party next week. We can't have that. Oh, yeah. Fuck, a roast. Hell yeah. I'll be in on that. What roast are we talking here?

Yeah, we did that one before. You were, I don't know, in Richmond or something. It was three minutes before we introduced you and eight minutes before you walked out. I was getting a beer. I heard the people talking and that was funny. You know what I mean? I was like, oh, a bit of crowd interaction, that's cool.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but back to the fabric factory. You know what I mean? I was like, oh, a bit of crowd interaction. That's cool. I can't believe I'm saying this, but back to the Fabric Factory. There are still people making last-minute votes. Be funny. Oh, shit.

Now you put the pressure on me. Yeah, but I was in the Fabric Factory, and I met this young guy, and he's like, I didn't tell him I did comedy or anything, you know, and he said, oh, I do a podcast. I said, oh, cool. How do they work? And he's like, oh, I do an AFL podcast. You know, what you do is you get on all the different, you know, channels like Spotify and iTunes, you do that,

and it's, you know, it's really cool, and we interview AFL people and stuff, and I was like, oh, yeah, cool. Wow, that sounds interesting, right? Worked with him for like two days. Didn't tell him I did comedy or anything like that. I think it would have been obvious. Yeah, yeah.

No further questions. What happened when you walked in 30 minutes late to work every day? Oh, man, I actually was 30 minutes to work late every day. I didn't hear my name. That's right. Yeah, it was raining. minutes to work late every day. I didn't hear my name. I was outside. Yeah, it was raining. It was hard, you know. One time my alarm didn't go off

and another time I nearly hit a bat. Anyway, that's another thing. But finally... Because I had to tell the manager... This is like a Molly Meldrum speech at an awards ceremony How do you know about him? I had a sex dream about him Gong him red

Is that the same show? Do yourself a favour and fuck me in the arse Guys, it's a Saturday night, let's go Come on Do yourself a favour and fuck me in the arse. Guys, it's a Saturday night. Let's go. Come on. Saturday night. Anyway, what was I talking about?

Oh, yeah. So he found out I do podcasts. He's like, oh, you're a comedian, do podcasts? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And anyway, he says, what podcasts have you been on? And I said, oh, I've been on this one, The Little Dum Dum Club. And he's like, oh, wow. And then he shows me his podcast, and I think, fuck,

this is going to be some amateur fucked podcast. And it is fucking huge. It is one of the biggest AFL podcasts in Australia, right? It's fucking huge. And he goes to the toilet, comes back, and he goes, mate, just talk to my co-host. And he said, you're his favourite guest on the Little Dum Dum Club. And he loves the podcast. Because these guys are like 22 or something.

I'm like, fuck, people this young listen to the Dumb Dumb Club? They must be idiots. Don't they know they've got YouTube and Pornhub? There's no way I'd be listening to two fucking washed up cunts talk about their shitty life. I think you have to have been out to sea at one point to get any of was washed up. Two real fucking losers

at the end of their career. At 22, I'd kill myself. But I... Anyway, I... Then I went back to my job at the fabric factory. And also, these megastars of podcasts are working next to you at the fucking Fabric Factory.

I was like, what next? You watch Tonightly? Sorry. That's the show I did. You sent yourself off for that one ballad. You fucking, yeah. We're still 3-1, though. You got me.

Yeah, but I said, and then we were putting away the roles that we were talking and connecting. And then I said, well, man, do you know what? If you ever need a guest, I'm here. I can come on your podcast. And he goes, nah, man, booked out till the rest of the year. And I was like, oh, that's cool. No, no worries. You know, you've got AFL people to talk to, whatever.

Yeah, I was going to say, like, Dennis Kometi himself couldn't get a gig on the fucking podcast. Like, what do you know about fucking AFL? I don't know, but anyway, I could have done it. You've got a ball, it's easy. You know, there's a stick, little shorts, I'm in. Yeah, absolutely. Slam for guests in the off-season.

It's really popping off at the moment. Well, the funniest thing is, right, he comes in two days later and I said, what were you doing yesterday evening? He goes, man, just recording some podcasts. I said, oh, cool. Who was your guest this week? He goes, oh, no one. It was just me and the co-host.

Brutally savage. I'd start listening to this AFL podcast if you were on it Yeah, yeah, yeah Centimetre perfect Yeah Etc Oh, out of the ruck

What a getaway Yep What a getaway That's what I'm saying Even I know that's not football What a getaway What a getaway Yeah, I reckon that's great

The TV show Yes I reckon that's great. The TV show. Yes. I reckon it's a good phrase. If someone kicks a goal or someone does a good pass, it'd be like, what a getaway. Hang on, when someone kicks a goal, you say, what a getaway. Yeah.

Like the ball is having a getaway for the weekend? Yeah. The ball's on holiday. See you later, baby. See, ball, what happens on tour stays on tour. Adios. I don't mind it. Catch me on a round tree saying g'day to that ball, I tell you that.

The greatest comedian in Australia. Is anyone here confused? What about this? We are less than two weeks away from a momentous boys trip. There is ten of us that are going to Bangkok in like 12 days or 11 days or something like that. Four of you coming back as men. Yeah. So Nick Cabot is being different. Nick Capper is one of them, potentially.

You're wavering a bit at the moment. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if I can get... Anyway, it's health stuff. But... It's insurance stuff. Yeah, insurance stuff. Insurance stuff.

But I'm really hoping I can go because I am so prepared for this trip. You are the least prepared person. This is what's happened. So we've got a group chat about what the plan is, what we're doing. Everyone is on top of things. You are, I don't think you've spoken once in the group chat yet. Nothing. You won't have any opinion on anything we're doing.

Have any of you said his name yet? He doesn't know that he's allowed to come into the chat. That is, everyone has booked in. You haven't even, like, I booked your flights for you. That's the only thing that's happened so far. I put in a Bruce Lee gif at some point. You, we're all... I think that's pretty cool.

Everyone has booked in, all the accommodation, some travel over there is booked in. You have not even got somewhere to stay yet. And I said to you, we picked a hotel, we're all staying in this hotel, and I said, can you please book in? And you said, oh, no, I haven't booked in yet, but I have stayed somewhere else before

and I'm thinking of booking there again. And, yeah, I have stayed there. I stayed there around 16 years ago. And it's these cool hammocks you can stay on a roof. So it's a hammock on the top of like a skyscraper. Yeah, yeah, it's great. Wait, is that your room? Is that just where you sleep?

Yeah, you have these lockers. Yeah, you're outside. Outside in a hammock. Yeah. You put your shit in a locker and then you sleep under the stars. Like outside on a hammock. You have these lockers. Yeah, you're outside. Outside in a hammock. Yeah. You put your shit in a locker and then you sleep under the stars. Yeah, on a roof. Have you even checked

that the hammocks are still there? I don't know. I remember having the biggest night ever sleeping on the hammock for about five minutes and I had to go to the airport. But it was still cool. Can I give the details

of what you told me about why it was so cool? Yes. You said, because I was like, why the fuck does he want to go back to this hammock? He must have such good memories. And you said, oh, so good. My last night in Bangkok was there.

I had to go first thing in the morning. And that last night, I had such a great night. And then I had anal sex in a hammock. And I'm invested in the story again Holy shit I think there's 11 boys coming on this flight now Whack this away for the spank bank No, no, no, you've confused stories here

That was a different time Why has it taken this long, honestly? I didn't have anal in the hammock. I totally want to know how do you have anal sex in a hammock? And also, second question, what was his name? That was a different time, but it was still in Thailand, but not in a hammock. I would never stoop that low. So where was the anal sex?

It doesn't matter. Was it at... I mean, I know where it was, but like... I don't know. Was it? I mean, I know where it was, but like... I don't know. Someone dream about it now. Did you have sex in the hammock? A different kind of sex in the hammock? No, no.

I only slept in the hammock for five minutes. Sure. I was really cooked. Yep. Had a wank spell off. Whoa! I dropped my sunglasses, but I am looking forward

to this trip because I've never been on like a boys trip like a 10 boys 10 boys can I ask what kind of activities the boys are going to be doing on this trip don't say anal sex

no no 10 boys yeah what's the plan we're going to we've googled all the Michelin star noodle huts you can go to for $3

so we're going to go there we're going to go to the beach one day and we have a rooftop place with a pool in it apart from you who's fucking going to stay 10 kilometres away with a hammock.

You'll probably get me in. So you're going to stay like 10 kilometres away and just come over for a dip and then go back to your hammock? No, you can sleep in the pool. Oh, okay, all right, all right. Sleep on a big inflatable... Have anal sex on a big inflatable crocodile in the pool at Carl's Hotel.

Now we're talking. Crocodiles are my favourite animal. Man, imagine having sex on top of the greatest Australian reptile ever. And it's amphibious. Have you ever seen a croc move? It can grab birds out of the air. Imagine having anal sex on top of one of them. Do you ever think sometimes chemo shouldn't be available to everybody?

You know what I mean? We should just think about those investments sometimes. Is it too late to pull out of that fundraiser gig that happened for Capra earlier this year? Crocodile bum, dude. I think Balad wants to give me some just one-shot chemo. Lead bullet. Man, how'd that lead chemo.

We got some awards. We got awards coming up. Have you ever won an award before, Kappa? No, I won most improved at pony camp. Crush that one. Most improved at pony camp. And was there something else? Yeah, ballroom dancing

um when i was like in primary school it was the only because my town had only 25 people in it there was this lonely old it kind of it sounds a bit suspicious now this lonely old man used to come and teach us ballroom dancing i really hope this story doesn't end in anal sex he had bad breath, though. Terrible breath, I remember. Because he used to have to teach us the moves. And it was... Anyway.

But yeah, I wanted... Here's this new dance. Get in the hammock. Yeah, yeah. It was all part of the dance. And it was beautiful. Yeah, no, I remember we went up to... I think it was Tweed Heads for the awards,

the ballroom dancing championships, and there was a bunch of me and my mates from the country, and we did our heat, and then we thought we weren't going to get in. So we went to these sand dunes. We'd hardly ever been to the beach before, and we just mucked about and wrestled in the sand dunes. We were just full of sand, like covered in mud and sand. And then it turned out we got to the championship,

so then we had to go back to the championship, just four guys covered in mud and sand. And they were like, from Bumai, Nick Kappa, and I'm just covered in mud and sand, yeah. It was a real representation of the country. They were like, these fucking hicks. It was like... The shittest version of Strictly Ballroom I've ever heard of. representation of the country. They're like, these fucking hicks. It was like, it was like,

The shittest version of Strictly Ballroom I've ever heard of. It was like, Deliverance meets Strictly Ballroom. So, for people who don't know,

whatever, this is what's coming up, the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. We, we got the domain, we established this new award, what, a couple of months ago

or something like that and then we started putting it out there and we really wanted people to believe or get into it or whatever the fuck it is. Are you offended, Conchetta, that you weren't in the Australian Comedy Awards? Are you angry about this? I am angry. I've been doing it for five minutes and I'm wondering where the fuck am I in the legends. Can I say that I'm rooting for Kappa tonight?

Oh, just like you rooted for me. Bit different. I'm rooting for Kappa because not only is Kappa funny and he looks schmick in a suit, but Kappa once helped me in a time of crisis. I had to cat sit for TV star and friend of the show, Mike Goldstein, when he was away. And I don't usually do that.

I'm like, that's too much responsibility. And everyone's always like to me, no, look, you know, it's so easy. It's a cat, like chill out. So I was in Melbourne. I went to cat sit. And the night I got home, after I flew in, I looked up around the apartment.

He lives in like a warehouse type thing. And I looked up and I thought, I saw the outline of a pigeon um in his big like apartment and i was like oh that must be like a statue or something that that's crazy and then i looked back and it moved and i had a live pigeon fly in the window in the apartment at midnight and um i couldn't get it out and i was having a breakdown so who did i call? Nick Capa. And we spent how long, like 20 minutes trying to... I spent so much money on that remote control pigeon. It just goes to show how few people in Melbourne you know

that in a time of crisis you think Nick Capa is the person who's going to sort this out. Well, to be honest, whenever I hear vermin, I think Nick Capa. I was hungry, and my partner had kicked me out once again, so it worked out great. You're right, he does give off the vibe of the old woman from Home Alone 2. Yeah, I can see why you thought

that. Alright, let's crack into this. So, we try to get publicity for this Oz Comedy Hall of Fame, and if people have followed us in certain groups and stuff on the socials, they might have seen this. But out of all the publicity we tried, out of all the media that's out there, the only people that picked up the story

was your hometown newspaper, Tom Ballard, The Warrnambool Standard. Yes! Oh! 3-2-8-80, motherfuckers! Yeah. So I love this. This is in the paper two days ago.

Get voting for Hall of Fame. And then they've interviewed Husey, who thought it was real as well. So I love this. If you can see that, it says, the masterminds behind it are comedy promoters and Melbourne's basement comedy club owners, Jeff Kiev and Peter Walsall.

Yes! I've been upgraded. I'm part owner in the Basement Comedy Club. And also, I got top billing, which I thought was weird. But yeah. It honours the legends who made Australian comedy what it is today and will be established later in the year at a permanent location in Albury, Wadonga.

But it sort of gets sad because they ask QZ about it. He falls through a hook, line and sinker. And then he's like, the radio presenter said if he won he hoped his children might finally respect what their father achieved. Boy, they're going to be angry when they find out the result.

He couldn't even win this one. They still might not care which would be disappointing. He joked. Hughes said when he was Hughes. Hughes said when he was growing up in Warrnambool, there was no comedy shows to watch or any place to perform stand-up. You had to leave Warrnambool to make it in comedy, he said.

Really? You can't be a full-time comedian in a town of 25,000 people? But the framing of that of like, he says that about when he was starting out, because of course things have changed now. It's so different. What was it like when you were starting out doing comedy on the main streets of Warrnambool, Tom?

Fucking shithouse. I did one gig with Michael Williams on a Sunday afternoon at the local pub in front of a bunch of gambling addicts. And I was supposed to do, it was in the pokies room, supposed to do 20 minutes, I did five and at one point I delivered a punchline, there was silence and then from the back of the room I heard

right, like you could hear that cut through the room. Oh my god I, just quickly, I once did a gig, I was bombing so bad and I heard someone fart in the front row and it was a woman and her husband immediately threw her under the bus, it was like, I was bombing so bad and I heard someone fart in the front row. And it was a woman and her husband immediately threw her under the bus. It was like, it was her!

And she had a breakdown. So that's the article. That's in the Warrnambool Standard. That was in the paper the other day. And that's an article because Dave Hughes is the hometown hero. So he's trying to get everyone in Warrnambool to get behind the hometown hero. So this was also online. So this was online. Hughes said henambool to get behind the hometown hero. So this was also online. So this was online. Hughes City hoped the region would get behind him and vote.

Anyone from Warrnambool here vote for Dave Hughes because of this article? No. Who says print media's dead? So this was online as well. So then we checked on Facebook. We checked the comments for the hometown hero on the Warrnambool Standard Facebook page. And have we got some of them? Yeah, we've got some of these here.

They're pretty positive. Is he eligible for that award? Don't you have to be funny? Don't think he has a funny bone in his body. He can't stand him. Not a comedian's backside. Which, you know, look, in comparison, Nick Capper, I think you are a comedian's backside.

So that's pretty cool. That's pretty good. I'd vote if it was a hall of shame. That's pretty funny. So there's like hundreds of comments like this. Hard pass. Don't find him funny. Funny is a fart in a bottle, which I think is hall of shame. That's pretty funny. So there's like hundreds of comments like this. Hard pass, don't funny. Funny is a fart in a bottle, which I think is sort of funny. That's funny.

That's really funny. Imagine a little bottle going... Someone opened up the bottle like, oh my God. Imagine if this bottle right now went... That's pretty good. Or just imagining someone trying to capture a fart in a bottle. The amount of logistics involved. That's a good. Just imagining someone trying to capture a fart in a bottle, the amount of logistics involved, that's a funny image. Also, comedian's backside, pretty funny.

Yes, that could provide a fart in a bottle. Yeah, we always have weird asses. That's right, Darren Dookie Clark, get the fuck out of here. You and your baby as your profile picture. Yeah, so this is all pretty harsh. It's all just hundreds of comments like this for the hometown. Oh shit, I know that lady. Joanne Marie.

She's Chapman. I read all this stuff. I read all this stuff. I thought it can't get any more insulting than this, but then I found this one. What about Tom Ballard? The fart in a bottle himself. I'm a comedian's balls.

Yeah. I remember Helly and Toby, he did a gig, Warrnambool once, and they went to the pub afterwards, and it was just a parade of people coming up to them going, do you know Tom Pallant debuts? They're cunts. So that's the kind of hometown pride. I had your back, Tom, so I commented under that one.

Enough mucking around, guys. We're trying to be serious here. Well, that's a bit of fun, isn't it? I was just checking Sportsbet before the proceedings. Has anyone bet on the awards? Really? Because it's all made up. Please, I please hope no one betted

No, I went to Sportsbet, I looked at the website and then I wrote down everything that I read and these are the odds that they're offering on tonight's proceedings It's pretty exciting We'd love to hear this They make a lot of money They are running, these are from Sportsbet Remember everyone, always comedy responsibly

This is off to a good start I liked it, I liked it, I'm worth ten of them, I liked it Remember, everyone, always comedy responsibly. This is off to a good start. All right. I liked it. I liked it. I'm worth ten of them. I liked it. Thanks, Carl.

Come on. We're trying to be serious here. They're running the odds on who's actually going to be inducted, but they're also running odds on the events, like things that might happen tonight. Sure, sure. With the Oscars and stuff. Okay, good setup. Sportsbet is running 20 to 1 odds that Tommy will get cancer again

live on stage. What would that look like? How are they qualifying that that's happened? He is sitting pretty close. That is cancer corner over there to be fair. We got the clean skins over here.

You've got to stay 1.5 metres away. The Survivor's Lounge. Come on! That's the dreamo, this is the chemo. There were 31 odds that Carl wasn't even going to make it here tonight because his car would probably break down. He doesn't know how to use Google Maps. That's a thing from the show, yeah.

From before. 4 to 1 odds that Carl will shit his pants. Milan buying everyone drinks. That's actually 50 cents. You'll actually lose money if you bet on that. 600 to 1 odds that there'll be a woman in the audience tonight. Conchita, if you can sit in the front row, I can make some sweet corn.

2 to 1 odds that Nick Capa will get cancer again on stage. Yep, your bit was funnier. You can bet on him losing the other testicle. That's double or nothing. That's the anti-powerball. Hey, what about tom ballard and five to one odds that something's going to happen involving ostentatious dame edna everidge and the entire audience using the catchphrase well i guess we found the pedophile

well that's all from sports bit well no there's more oh there's more lock the doors you're sure there's not less, there's more. Oh, there's more. Lock the doors. You sure there's not less? Well, there's odds on the actual, like, who's going to get inducted, right? Of course, sorry. On the nominees. Sorry about that. So very high odds that Dickie Nee is going to be inducted tonight.

Sportsbet are paying 100 to 1. But if he does get inducted and you bet on him, you do win a free Uber ride from John Blackman. Thank you, Tommy. Man, did someone get an Uber ride from him? He drives Ubers, so yes. Fuck, Tommy. Man, did someone get an Uber ride from him? He drives Ubers, so yes. Fuck, yeah. Man, one time I did trivia in a company paid me to do trivia in the fucking, what's the water world thing here, the aquarium?

Oh, my God. The water world. If you don't know the title of the building that the story happens in, skip the anecdote. In the water world. If you don't know the title of the building that the story happens in, skip the anecdote. In the water world. The water world. Whatever it is, where you're surrounded by water.

Yeah. I booked a room out and I had to do trivia in that room. Was one of the trivia questions, what's the name of this place? Thank God, no. And luckily they didn't ask me what was swimming around. I can't tell a fish from a turtle. But, yeah, there was... Hurry up, cut! He's got a headline in my room.

I was waiting for the crowd to finish laughing. See, now I've got another one. Now you're going to finish laughing. See? Now I've got another one. Now you're going to be later. Now they're laughing even more. Oh, God, he's the best. You are truly cursed. God, they're going great. Yeah.

Yeah, but they said, they said, oh, they were talking about, oh, we should go upstairs. The crowd were going upstairs until there was like ten people doing trivia. And then I said,

what's going upstairs? They're like, John Blackman's doing trivia upstairs. Yeah. Fuck. Fucking hell. Fuck. Fuck it.

I can't believe my headline is going to be late for that. The odds for Hughsey making it tonight are bloody fantastic. Jeez, they're good odds. And Sportsbet wants to make sure you never forget that. Jeez, they're good odds. And Sportsbet wants to make sure you never forget that. The odds of Fiona O'Loughlin being inducted are significantly higher than 0.05. There we go.

It was worth it. Yeah, there we go. We're back. Let's use that one at the birthday party. Okay. That'll be good. If you bet on Hannah Gadsby being inducted, and she is, you'll win the tears of Dave Chappelle.

Oh, wow. If Dame Edna gets inducted, you win the tears of Hannah Gadsby being inducted, and she is, you'll win the tears of Dave Chappelle. Oh, wow. If Dame Edna gets inducted, you win the tears of Hannah Gadsby. And if Sam Pang's inducted, you win the tears of Brett Blake. Yes. Very nice. Very nice. If Will Anderson is inducted, he'll probably do another fucking podcast about it, so you win that. If Carl Barron gets in there, it'll just kind of make sense. Won't be that funny.

Got him! That gives me an idea. I love Carl Barron, eh? The rip into the big boy. Yeah, everyone loves him. Yeah, yeah. The odds for ostentatious are very, very high. About six million to one.

Personally, I think those numbers are inflated. Oh, no. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Can I cancel that gig? Yeah. But hands down, the best odds for tonight are Nick Capper at 69 to 1, everybody. So there you go.

Fantastic. Exciting. All right. All right. Should we? Should we? Let's start the awards proper. Here we go.

Whoops. I actually need to fuck off. Is that all right? I guess. I guess so. Okay. All right. Okay. Bye everyone. Good luck. Bye. Bye Tom. Bye Tom. You're going to miss lots of very funny stuff. So here we are. It's a weird thing for him telling me I've got to go. It's like I I run the gig, cunt. Like, stay here till I say it. Well, get him back out here.

Pull rank. Okay, all right. All right. Maybe we do the sponsor bit first. Sponsor bit? Okay, yeah, cool. We are sponsored, of course, tonight by comedy.com.au. Comedy with three Ys.

Of course, that is the great friend of the show, Milan, by comedy.com.au. Comedy with three Ys, of course. That is the great friend of the show, Milan, is the head of this brand. Can we get Milan on stage? Can we get Milan on? Milan Krencevic, everyone. You can take Tom's mic. Oh, yeah, take Tom's mic. Thanks, Milan.

We'll just keep you for a second. This is the... Fuck. Started the awards proper. Thank you for your new company sponsoring these awards. Do you have a brief summation of what your company is? It's usually me driving shit, but... Yeah.

Good. No, it's a brand new comedy label. At least one or two of you will know what comedy is. I don't know. By tonight, definitely not. Brand new comedy label. At least one or two of you will know what comedy is. I don't know by tonight, definitely not. Anal, I've heard that a lot tonight. Man, imagine, Crocodile. Oh, yeah.

It's incredible. Anyway, sorry. So we've got some great artists, Carl Bauer and Arj Barker. Everyone who I've worked with before with Punchline have sort of come back on board. So it's like you go to the website, you buy hard copy stuff of like DVDs and stuff and then you've got online. Physical and digital.

Yeah, it's all happening. So just go to comedy with three Y. Y, Y, Y, I don't know. It doesn't matter. Just fucking do it and sign up for the list and I will be the one that will send you emails so you can reply and call me a cunt. I'm fine with that.

And I love you all. Aw, I love you. Thank you for being behind my arm. You're the best. Now, what I want to ask you, I don't think we've talked about this on the pod, I don't think we've talked about this on the pod, but this is so good,

that you, because you've always been this comedy promoter and people wonder what you do and all that sort of stuff, but you've put out those Carl Barron DVDs in the past and that's how you were able to buy fucking 700 people shots. Want shots? No. No. So...

Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. Prove it. So you're going to make Tom Ballard even later somehow. So you did stand-up once, like 20 years ago. You did stand-up once. Oh, can you do your opener?

I only had one joke. So, you had one joke. Your best joke. I had eight beers, seven shots and one fucking joke I wrote. Pretty much. So, yeah, I did. I tried raw comedy And I was

Fucked off my head And said I can do this Anyone can fucking do this I couldn't do it I know the joke You got one joke? You got one joke

Do you want to stand? Yeah why don't you stand Take the stage I think I've heard it backstage And I think it's still As fresh today As it was back then

I think it's got to be My favourite joke of all time. Is it doing comedies a lot like having sex for the first time? No. Welcome to the stage, Milan Krencevic, everyone. Last week I went and saw the brand new film from Jack Nicholson called As Good As It Gets. Topical. Jack Nicholson called as good as it gets.

Topical. The first ten minutes was okay and that was as good as it got. Milan Krigovic, everyone. Fuck yeah. Wow. He should be an inductee. Get him in there. That's why I'm behind the scenes now. And you didn't go on with it.

Well, why should I? That's my duck sandwich. and you didn't go on with it. Well, why should I? That's my duck sandwich. Man, you've just got to put that on loop on your fucking website, right? You get a million clicks, okay? You'll be the next Tim Dillon for sure. Yeah, still it is a ringtone. You could be the new Crazy Frog.

Crazy Wog. That could be the new meat spin. You know when you used to send your mates meat spin? You'd go, I'll send you as good as it gets joke. That rule. We did promise that, like, a lot of people thought that all the nominees were going to turn up tonight. We've got some of them,

but some people couldn't make it, unfortunately. A few people couldn't make it, so we've got some apology videos. So here we go. Hi, guys. Sam Pang here. Yeah, sorry I couldn't be there tonight at this prestigious event. I couldn't be there because, actually, I've got nothing on. I could have been there quite easily.

In fact, I'm across the road at the Town Hall Hotel having dinner. I hope that I win. Fingers crossed I win whatever this fucking award is. And is Brett Blake nominated? No? That's awkward. At least I get my photo up at the Basement Comedy Club. And now this.

So Brett Blake, zero. Me, two. See you dickheads. Same pain. Pretty good, same pain. Filmed on a Nokia 3310 by the looks of things. What the fuck is that? That filmed on your phone, Kappa. Alright, here we go, here's another

one. G'day, it's Will Anderson here and I would like to say I'm sorry that I cannot be there tonight for Australian Comedy's Night of Nights, the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. I am busy working in Sydney, although I do need you to know for the record that even if I were not busy, I still would not be there. I mean, I'm not doing anything tonight.

I could have flown down today and back tomorrow. I have chosen not to be there. I need you to know that, yes, partly it is not me being available, but mostly it is me not being available in any way. Even if somebody had flown me down and driven me to the venue, I still would have got to the door and then turned around and gone home. Walked the whole way back to Sydney, if need be, rather than attend the event.

But I hope you have a great time, and I would like to say a big congratulations to the other very deserving nominees tonight. Dave Hughes, who I started out with, Carl Barron, an Australian comedy legend. Sir Barry Humphreys, man in a dress. Ostentatious, who, of course, I could not be more inspired by. I would not be a comedian living in the eastern suburbs of Sydney

dressing in all black and just wandering around aimlessly without his inspiration. And, of course, Dickie Nee, who I ripped off all my material about my Dickie hips from Dickie Nee, wearing this cap in your eyes tonight. Dickie, big shout-out to you. And, of course, to Nick Capper, who... Rest in peace.

What a great legend of the Australian comedy industry he was, and it was so sad to hear that he recently passed away. So I hope tonight, in his honour, the big award goes to Nick Capper. Other than that, yeah, I'm in Sydney doing my show Question Everything at the moment. Obviously it's a show where we're giving an opportunity to a lot of new comedians as well, people who aren't getting a lot of time on TV,

people who have maybe built a lot of time on TV, people who maybe build a huge audience through podcasting. So I'd just like to say, Tommy, Carl, could you give me Blakey's details? I think you'd go really well on the show. And look, if I do win tonight, if I am inducted into the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame, I guess it's sad that I am not going to be there to enjoy it. Really reminds me actually of the other day when I was in a cafe and I saw a very unusual item on the menu. It was a duck sandwich and I looked at that item

and I thought, you know what? That's really sad, isn't it? Finally that duck is surrounded by bread and just is in no position to enjoy it. So with that, good night. That's a good bit. Oh, you laugh when he says it. Now, we were keen for this to come across the desk of people who we wanted to try and reach out and get people in who aren't, you know, in our world.

Like we could reach out to Sam and Will easily. We wanted to be a prestigious award that isn't just for you guys. It's like that everyone accepts it. So I worked hard on this. I really wanted to try and get word out about this to one of the other nominees who aren't just people that we know. And then I remembered that I went to the same school as Barry Humphreys. Man in dress?

Yeah, man in dress. I reached out to some people from school. This took me ages, but I managed to get a message through to Barry Humphries who passed it on to a certain friend of his who's nominated tonight. Oh wow. So here we go.

Hello possums. So sorry that I can't be there tonight for the first ever induction ceremony of the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame but it is such an honour just to be nominated. Now

obviously Possums I would love to win the award and I'm very deserving of being inducted but I've personally cast my vote for Nick Capper my favourite Australian comedian. I remember once years ago Nick opened for me atapa, my favourite Australian comedian. I remember once, years ago, Nick opened for me at one of my shows and we went out for a few drinks afterwards

and, well, one thing led to another, possums, and Nick Capa gave me the growling out of a lifetime. So good luck, Nick, and congratulations to everyone involved. Wow. Wow. Wow. Isn't that cool?

I get it, Conchita. I think I'm going to have one of your dreams about Dassolo. Dame Enda rocking the gaming chair. That's tight. Imagine getting called the N-word on Fortnite by that. Man, I saw her Mooney Ponds. That's tight. Imagine getting called the N-word by Fortnite on Fortnite by that. Man, I saw her Moony Ponds. That was great. No, just kidding.

That is, of course, the Joker. I didn't see that one in rehearsal. Very nice. That was good. Oh, boy. It took a lot of effort

to keep that from you. Very nice. But, no, we tried to get this established as a proper award. And so is this the next bit? We got it. So there was two bits of media we got off it. We got the Warrnambool Standard, the prestigious newspaper in wherever the fuck that is. But we also got on ABC Radio.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were a talk topic yesterday where people wanted, on the ABC, people wanted to know, the hosts wanted to know who you would vote for and what about this whole comedy hall of fame.

Yeah, yeah, let's have a listen. So we clipped up some bits. Shit. Whoa. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, no. And that's as good as it got.

Yeah. Yeah. Woo! That's another bit that you didn't see in rehearsal, but we did cook that up between ourselves. That's the best laugh we had in a while. Well done. If you think you're laughing now,

wait until you hear some ABC radio. Here we go. We are going to be talking about some of those great comedy acts that perhaps should have a place eventually in the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. There is going to be an Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. It's going to be an Aubrey Wodonga.

And there are 10 nominees at the moment. I'm not sure how many of them we'll get through, but you can actually vote on that website for who you think should get in. And we'll get to some of those names fairly shortly. But I'd love your suggestions as well. It was you that brought this to my attention. I hadn't even seen this.

It's kind of snuck up on us. It has. And I'm loving all of the suggestions because there's so many great candidates for what is going to be established tomorrow night at an event in Melbourne. It's the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. Okay, and we have ten nominees. Do we know how many of them will actually go in the first induction? Not exactly. The way it works at the moment is there's an online vote taking place

and people can vote for the ten nominees. And, you know, it's a reasonably star-studded cast and there's a whole bunch of... They're talking about you. ...and characters too, I suppose you could say. It's reasonably star-studded. He's talking about you and then characters, I guess, that's you again.

You're both. You're in the middle of the Venn diagram. Who is covering this? Is this ABC Radio Gundawindi or what? Yeah, yeah, something like that. I think it is regional, right? It's like Ballarat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, here's the next bit. Well, before we get to who we think

should be on the list, we better get to who is actually on the list. Do you have that list in front of you? I sure do. And yeah, there's ten nominees for, you know, the inaugural Comedy Hall of Fame. You've got Will Anderson, Carl Barron, Fiona O'Loughlin and Hannah Gadsby. So, you know, a couple of good stand-up comedians.

But then... Couple. You name four. There's a couple. Character-driven people like Dame Edna Everidge, Dickie Nee from Hey Hey It's Saturday, as well as Ostentatious. And there's a few others thrown in there like Dave Hughes, Sam Pang and Nick Capper too. So there's a rather varying gamut of comedians.

But it is an interesting selection because there's a lot of people on here that, well, as we've seen from our listeners, that should be on this list to start with, I reckon. I would have thought so. This is like the coverage of when the Queen was sick before she died, just treading water with nothing to really say. There's nothing to report on yet.

But a few others chucked in, died, just treading water with nothing to really say. There's nothing to report on yet. But I love it's like a few others chucked in like Dave Hughes, Sam Pang. I get it if you're chucked in, but those probably were in the same parcel as them. You can't read out the entire list and then go, and by the way, some cunt that who knows who he is, Nick

Capper. But also they're like, oh yeah, Dickie Kneezy, and also Dave Hughes is chucked in. And there's one more bit. He's getting absolutely no respect. But also they're like, oh yeah, Dickie Neezy and also Dave Hughes has jumped in. Fuck. And there's one more bit. He's getting absolutely no respect. There's one more bit, yep. One of those, which I thought was a little strange,

are two of them. Dame Edna Everidge, not Barry Humphreys, and Dickie Nee, not John Blackman. So that's the list. This guy gets it. We're in the same aquarium together. I love earlier the incredulous thing where he's like, I hadn't

even heard of this. You just can't believe that it hadn't made its way across the desk. How will Dickie Nee or Dame Enda accept the award? They're not even real. Exactly. Well, speaking of, I think we did promise that there was going to be a couple of nominees. I've just got to go to the bathroom. I do? I really that there was going to be a couple of nominees. I've just got to go to the bathroom.

I do? I really do. A number one or a number two? Something's going on in the bathroom, everyone. Okay. Because we did promise that there was going to be one or two people nominated for the awards. We're going to be here now. Obviously, there's Nick Capper here.

Nick Capper's here right now. People are probably waiting for the second nominee to be here to turn up at some stage. So you're probably wondering when the second nominee was going to turn up. Mr Chandler, Mr Chandler. Oh, who's that? Is that Dickie Nee? No, mate, it's his

Italian cousin, Ricky Nee. Wow, a tiny little comedian with a joke Italian name rings a bell. It's not Dickie Nee, it's Ricky Nee. Are you on a popular TV show in Italy? Yeah, mate, I'm on a really popular talk show in Italy called Oh My God, Cunt, It's Fucking Saturday. What? Oh My God Cunt, It's Fucking Saturday.

It's hosted by Diego Summers and Italy the Ostrich. I like that, Italy the Ostrich instead of Aussie Ostrich. Yeah, mate. This skip gets it. Wow, so what sort of stuff happens on this show, Ricky? You know, we do lots of different segments and stuff. And, you know, we have a talent show called Red Faces. Oh, yeah? And, yeah, one time a group came on called... They were all in blackface and people got very upset

because it's just not cool to pretend to be from another culture, you know. It's really uncool stuff. Yeah, that's fine. Red faces sounds like they were colourblind. So why couldn't Dickie make it tonight? He's actually busy tonight. Him and Agro are at Molly Meldrum's house. Oh, yeah?

Do the line. Well, funnily enough, it already got said earlier, but what I was going to say here, you would have to imagine Rapturous response was, do yourself a favour and suck my cock. That's good. Weird that someone else could predict a cool line like that. But yeah.

Do you actually know any of the other nominees? Yeah, I know that Fiona O'Loughlin bird. Oh, how do you know her? She used me as a swizzle stick. Speaking of hot birds, who's this cheeky babe next to you, Carl? Hubba hubba. someone from the mother country.

Hey, baby, do you want to suck my stick? I'm sorry, darling, I've got one to my left that I've got to work on. Right, right. So you're filling in for Dickie Neeson. Do you have any other, you know, is this what you always do? No, I do a lot of other fill-in gigs. My main job other than doing things like this is they use me as a mop down a wet on Wellington. Anything else?

And maybe one or two others that I've forgotten off the top of my head if you could perhaps prompt me. Do you do any other gigs with any Italian comedians around town? Oh, yeah, I do this. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I got this... The girlfriend of this Italian comedian uses me as a butt plug on him. Yeah. That was worth it.

So you know Tommy Daslow, then? Yeah, I know him inside and out. Anyway, I'm getting a severe leg cramp down here. Before I go, I will say that my cousin Dickie Knee was very sad that he couldn't be here because he'd come up with the ultimate hey hey slash dum dum club crossover joke. Oh yeah. You ready? Yep. Pluck a duck sandwich. Give it up

to Ricky Knee everyone. Wow that was so cool. It was like I was in Italy. That is what happens when you get to the venue half an hour early and you've got some time to spare. So pretty good shit. Oh, Tommy's back. Man, you missed the coolest comedy bit.

Best shit of my life. That was amazing. What have you guys been up to? Yeah, shit as well. No, we had a special guest. You should have seen Superman, Clark. You were just away for a minute. No, we... Oh, man, we had a special guest. You should have seen Superman, Clark. You were just away for a minute. Oh, damn.

Wow. It was crazy. Yeah. Oh, man, it was wild. I got tired doing that. I mean, being on the toilet. Yeah, running. Feels like the crowd got tired as well.

I think they're all thinking they've got to get to Basement Comedy Club. Yeah, all right. Well, do we want to start with getting into the actual awards? Yes. The meat and potatoes. Oh, guys. All right.

I'm so psyched up for this. This is when it all changes. We do have some other categories, so we'll get to them right now. Yep, yep. So first category, we've got the Joke Hall of Fame. Wow. Australian Comedy Joke Hall of Fame. So we've got the nominees. Yep. Fame. Wow. Australian Comedy Joke Hall of Fame. So we've got the nominees.

Yep. Duck Sandwich. Carl Chandler. Wow, nice. Oh, wow. Heavy Truck. Carl Chandler. And Snakes Alive.

Dave Hughes. And the winner. And the winner is... Wow, it was actually someone not nominated. It is... As Good As It Gets by Milan Krencinek. Yes! Thank you.

Would you like to hear the joke? No, no, no, no. Alright, our next category, we've got the Jewish Ost Hall of Fame. Now, we only have one nominee for this, I believe. Yep. The nominee is... Ostentatious. So, fingers crossed for the great man.

Who's it going to be? And the winner is... Oh, no, I think it's happened again. It's someone who wasn't nominated. Oh, an upset? Yeah. It's Mike Goldstein. Mike Goldstein. Mike Goldstein.

He's not here tonight, so he sent us an acceptance video. Yep, here we go. Shalom. Asaim. Baruch atah Adonai. Eloheinu melech ha'olam. Ha'idol. Ha'idol di.

What an amazing honour this is. I won huge, huge... You think you would have moved his alarm clock in the background? I beat Ostentatious, which means a lot. I might celebrate by smoking a billabong, maybe getting some platypussey, a kangaroo, I hope I'm the only guy there, and I don't see a cock or two.

It's good stuff. It really is. I don't know exactly what I've won or what this is. I don't listen to the podcast. Couldn't think of anything worse. Chandler hit me up to do a video, and I'd like to do gigs at his clubs in the future.

So even from America, I'm sending this one in. But it actually does mean a lot. And the voters, thank you for voting for me. I know you think I'm like a Woody Allen type, not for my comedy, but for my personal life, which I find very offensive and so does my

girlfriend slash daughter. But I have to say that it was very easy to win this award over Austin Tatius. He's absolutely fucked it here. And I'm happy to take it from the great man.

Apparently he was not qualified for the win. So, thank you. This means a lot. And have a good show everybody.

Alright. Finished show. Wow. have a good show everybody finished show wow smooth dismount we're into the main awards now are you guys up for it? here we go ladies and gentlemen we are about to find out who is going to be inducted into the

Australian Comedy Hall of Fame for 2022 exciting stuff we got Will Anderson, we got Carl Barron inducted into the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame for 2022. Exciting stuff. We've got Will Anderson. We've got Carl Barron. We've got Fiona O'Loughlin, Hannah Gadsby, Dame Edna, Sam Pang, Nick Capper, Austin Tatius, Dickie Nee, Dave Hughes.

We're about to find out. You guys excited? Ladies and gentlemen, and the first ever... Seamless. Oh, and Alfred Hitchcock, also nominated. Ladies and gentlemen, the first ever inductee into the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame is... Nick Capa! Nick Capa!

Woo! Woo! of Fame is Nick Kappa! To present the award, Milan Prince of Israel. Thank you. Wow. What a amazing stuff, guys. What are the odds that the guy who wins it is the only person who turned up to the awards? What are the odds?

This really is as good as it gets. Boy, there's going to be a stained hammock in Abbotsford tonight. Do we do a speech now or do we do a next one? Speech! Speech! Yeah! Well, I had nothing prepared. This kind of snuck up on me, but...

Hang on, I see a bit of paper in the pocket. Oh, it looks long. No, guys, look. I know everyone thinks this is a big fuck-around thing, but I actually do want to get serious. I want to get real... No, just shut up. Shut up. No, no, this to get serious. I want to get real. No, just shut up. Shut up.

No, no. This is fucking serious. A few months ago, I had no hair. I was tired all the time. I was undergoing cancer treatment. I wasn't good in stand-up. Oh, hang on. these are Tommy's notes. Yeah!

Hey, come on, man. I don't come down to where you work and knock the cashmere out of your hands. No, no, here they are. Here are my notes. I finally found them. I don't know why I had your notes, Tommy. That was so weird. Why did I leave them lying around?

Why had I written an acceptance speech? I'd even nominated. No, guys, I just want to thank the boys because only yesterday I was bombing in front of small shit crowds, getting no money, fingering pirates, jerking off in front of piles of burning tyres. Actually, that was yesterday. And it will be tomorrow. I think we all know what the prize of this is

and I'm honoured to get it. I think the prize I win is to headline spleen whenever some cun who used to be on Spicks and Specks drops out and Carl's got no one else to book. I will be there. Thank you very much. Nick Capper, everybody! Yay!

Look, it was a close run affair. The person in second place wasn't that far behind. The great man made a speech, a concession speech, to accept that you won, you beat him. Please welcome Ostentatious. Hey, Nicky, this is Ostentatious. Your mates, or I don't know if you'd call them your mates, they reckon that because you got sick, you won that award.

Really? You don't deserve it. And that's what this is all about. Next time, mate, do something that's worthwhile rather than just cheating. You bastard. Peter Walsall and me, we never liked you, mate.

Fuck, well that wasn't worth $150. He was mean. That was $150 on memo.me, whatever the fuck that was. And he took a week to get it back to you. Oh, yeah. Bet the inbox is flooded with requests. I was like, because we're like, fuck, who, you know,

people like that put up, you know, $150 to do one, and it's like, who the fuck pays for that? Well, me, apparently. So that was $150. This is what you can get for better than $150 on Cameo. The yellow wiggle for $120. Okay. Sugar Ray himself, Mark McGrath, is only $142.

That's pretty good. Bud from Married With Children. Yep. That's $95. And Right Said Fred is $71. I'm too sexy for Cameo. So he doesn't know that's connected to these awards. We just tried to put a message and get him to say something good

and it didn't pay off. Am I right in thinking, though, that there's been an upset? We checked the votes. You were tied. Tied. An exact tie. You and someone else. So you're the first inductee.

It's fine. You can share the inductee-ness. There can be more than one person in the whole thing. I don't want to share. I already shared an aquarium. You got... You got a lot of votes. Or a water world, as I like to say.

You got a lot of votes from all of these people in the general public, I think. But I think the Dum Dum fans really got behind the person who came exactly equal with you, and that is... Crunchy! Yeah! Wow. So welcome, Crunchy, to the Hall of Fame.

We've got an exclusive interview with... Yeah, yeah, we're going to cut live to Crunchy headquarters right now. For a speech... Are we going to get anything out of Crunchy? For a speech, Crunchy, any words? Wow, this is great for audio. Just a fucking close-up angle of a cat. Well, it wouldn't be the first time some pussy has been absolutely silent in Chandler's bedroom, so...

Do you guys still want that $1,000 roast? I think it's gone down to $500 now. That'd be nice. I'll take that. But we also, we do have footage. We got this live. This is, this is in,

this is in Albury-Wodonga. This is the Hall of Fame. This is actually a hallway in Albury-Wodonga right now. Yeah, there you go.

There's you being erected into the Albury-Wodonga Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. There it is. 2022 inductee Nick Capper.

That is actually the tourism operator, the tourism chief of Aubrey Wodonga doing that. That's the truth. Great. That's so good. Once I was in Aubrey Wodonga and I did a gig there and this lady walked up to me after the show and she goes, see that bloke behind me?

That's my husband. He's the manager of the biggest cat food factory in Albury-Wodonga. And do you know what? This is seriously what she said. She said, do you know what? If there was ever an apocalypse or something like that, the rest of the country would we'd be but he can flick one switch and turn the pet food to food that's fit for human consumption so we could just if

there was ever an apocalypse we could just live off that plus he can piss really fast he can piss really far. She's like, see that bar there? He could piss on that bar. Anyway, so yeah, it's good to be inducted into that town. We've got one final category. One thing. Yeah, one last category. One last thing and then you can go.

The most prestigious, the 2022 nominees for Best Australian Podcast in the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. We've got WTF with Mark Maron, The Joe Rogan Experience, The Dollop, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, Comedy Bang Bang, My Dad Wrote a Porno,

The Little Dumb Dumb Club, and Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast. This is it, folks. The final category of the night. Who will be the first ever Australian podcast inducted into the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame? And the winner is... Oh, my God!

The Little Dumb Dumb Club! They did it! Oh, God, I was nervous. Wow. They did it. Wow. Thanks, guys. Woo! Woo!

Oh, yeah. Woo! Yay! Woo! Wow. Thank you, guys. I can't help but feel that you guys are somehow responsible for this. You can all sit down now.

Sit down. I love the size. It's so disproportionate. Yours is so tiny compared to theirs. I wonder why. You remember the dream. Well, Conchita, 2023, maybe big natural talents could be storming their way into the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. It would be nice, two little girlies in amongst all these big fellas

would be pretty cool to be even just nominated. But congrats to you, the only podcast doing the live podcast won. So that's fabulous. The only one actually that could have won it, we did win it. Well done to us. Well, thanks everyone for coming. Just you can hear one person way up the back going,

well done. What a perfect summation of this evening's events. I just wish Tom Ballard could have been here to see this all play out. I'm glad we let him go because the gig is finished at Basement Comedy now, so that would have been very late. Exactly.

All right, guys, that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Big round of applause. Tom Ballard. Woo! Conchita Caristo. Woo! Milan Krencevic. And your champion, Nick Kappa.

Woo! Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates! And they've done it again.

They've done it for the first time. The first ever Australian Comedy Hall of Fame induction ceremony. Prestigious stuff. Did you guys see that coming? There was a post in one of our Facebook groups like, guys, I've got to know. Yeah. I've got to know. Please, who was it?

It's like, come on, man. Yeah, a bit of fun. Yeah, look, I think Tommy's in the editing suite. As we speak at the night itself, we probably gave ourselves too much stuff to do, so it was quite a long... Thanks to everyone who did come. It was a long night. It was...

Stuff like that, we kind of think, oh, fuck, we've got to get enough stuff, and then we get there and go, oh, we've put too much in. It's a classic case where we write a lot of stuff, we get onto a hot riff, people love the riffs, and then we go, here's some stuff we wrote. And people go, ah, thanks for stressing out all day about it, but not for us, thanks. Yeah, we're up there in the venue basically all day trying to finesse and hone stuff.

And then we get up there and go, oh, what about if someone did a shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, but like, it was fun.

Thanks to everyone who came along and supported the show and all that sort of stuff. So, lots of fun, lots of stress on the day trying to get it all

up and about and whatever. What we say about the fallout currently, since it all happened, I did notice that the lady who did the, the journalist from the Warrnambool Standard. Oh, yes.

Did immediately comment on the Facebook page afterwards. So who won? Oh, okay. Me being like, all right, I'm just chucking my laptop in the bin from now on. I don't really worry. I thought you were going to say this is like a royal baby thing. No. No, I was like, you don't have to deal with any fallout.

Then I got a missed call from Hughsey. And by missed call, I mean it was ringing in my hand and I went, I'm like, you don't have to deal with any fallout. Then I got a missed call from Hughsey. And by missed call, I mean it was ringing in my hand and I went, I'm not answering this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's still a missed call, but by choice. Yes. The phrase missed call implies that it was in another room or there was some kind of accident. You can still just be deliberate. It's like those things in the paper, like missed connections.

It's like, yeah, you asked my name and I said no and walked away. yeah yeah yeah oh i was on the train and you were rubbing your dick against me but i i never i yeah i never quite got your name yeah because i said don't tell me your name yes um so yeah i don't know whether that's so still no you haven't you haven't followed this up yeah has he called again or texted no okay no so i got a bit Well, you've got plausible deniability there. I think that's a pretty common thing where people will be like, I mean, they'll do it. People will say this about a number that they don't know. But it's like, hey, if I get a missed call, if they don't leave a voicemail and they don't send a follow-up text, balls out of my court.

What's the, what's the, and see, this is the dumb thing. It started ringing as I was getting in the shower and I still had the phone in my hand as I was getting in the shower, just checking something. And then it started ringing and I just threw it away like a bomb. You should have, well, take it into the shower with you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The phone gets drenched, doesn't work anymore.

I'm off the hook. Oh, like just thinking it's like a hair dryer taking you in the bath with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, that's it. Yeah, exactly. I'm out of here. Yep. But then I thought, oh, actually, if I have to face the music, what is the music I'm facing exactly?

Because what's the argument here? It's going to be like, oh, I had to fucking do an interview with the Warner Wall of Fame. It's embarrassing and, you know, all this sort of stuff. And it's like, well, hang on. No, we just did a thing. Like, it is the Hall of Fame. It's not like, hey, everyone in this is a cunt.

It's like this is – we just invented the Australian Hall of Fame. We actually had the ceremony. We did a thing. Yes. It's not like, hey, everyone in this is a cunt. It's like, we just invented the Australian law of fame. We did a thing. Yes. We actually held the... People just heard us. We spent all day working on it. We had graphics.

We had a screen. Because a few people are like, oh, this is all a joke. It's like, well, what is a joke? This all exists. The joke is that it actually happened. Yeah. That's what the joke is. The joke is we're in charge of it.

It's funny that we actually did it. Yes. That's what the joke is. The joke is we're in charge of it. It's funny that we actually did it. Yes. That's what the joke is. Yeah. It's funny that we did it and it's funny the idea that me and you are in charge

of the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. Yeah. And then it's also funny that we, you know, we kind of lent on the idea that it was sort of finessed into the way of, well,

Kappa's going to win this and that's funny. Yes. But we didn't do that. Yeah. Someone else voted for it. Literally people voted for it. Yeah.

And I mean, look, we set it up. We were having a bit of a muck around. You know, surely the buck has to stop with the Warrnambool standard not really doing their due diligence. Yes. Like we put it out, you know, and also we should say they came to us. Yes. We, like I did send press releases to a couple of outlets.

No nibbles. And those ones I was a bit nervous because I'm like, well, this is me actively saying like, you guys should comment on this. You guys should report on this. And then I would feel a bit like, oh, I have actively gone out of my way to trick these people. But this one just came into our lap.

So again, that's not, we didn't chase the, we're not calling up the fucking Warrnambool stand and going, you guys have to get this in the paper. Exactly. Same with the ABC radio thing that people heard in this. Yeah. They just came across their desk and they started chatting about it.

They didn't even hit us up. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They didn't even contact Jeff Keev and Peter Walsall for comment. Owners of Melbourne's basement comedy club. Now, that's the bit where it's like, well, you could look that up.

You could find out. If you had your journalistic integrity, you could research that and find out that these people don't exist. That was the thing I was worried about. I'm thinking when we were pitching this stuff, it's like, well, if you Google Jeff Keefe and Peter Walsall, they do not exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you would go, okay, Basement Comedy. Because that was the thing. The whole thing was like, we want to have it not tethered to us and then you send me this

press release that you've made and you're like you just can't help yourself got a wedge in a plug for basement comedy club in there but you know the jig is up here you know why is because if you just put oh we're jeff kevin peter walsh or and people go so who's that but if you say oh we're the owners of this comedy club it's like okay no further questions yeah a bit of creed mean, we could have made up like the Australian Institute of Comedy or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would have been pretty good. Yeah. So, yeah, look, maybe I should just – you know, can you clip this up for me and I'll just send it to Hughsey if he goes off?

It's like, well, hang on. We haven't done anything wrong. We've just done this thing. Oh, you just get him on the phone and just play this down the line to him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like fucking Home Alone with the gangster movie? Yeah, yeah. Trying to trick the pizza man? Just pretend I'm talking to him whereas really i'm just talking

to you yeah yeah yeah yeah okay i think that would work i mean i don't know you know sometimes with these things you think like oh this person's gonna be real mad and then you know he might you know he might be into this way he doesn't ring me often Yeah. It's usually me hitting him up. But do you not think if he was that mad, he would, I don't know, would he have sent a text or? You know what I'm going to do? I mean, he could just be going like, okay, jigs up, I get it. Funny stuff. Right. Maybe I'll ring.

You know what I've been thinking? I've got to ring Dave O'Neill because he'll know. Oh, sure. Because surely he won't. If he's rung me first, surely he'll then ring O'Neill or vice versa. He's already rung O'Neill, I reckon, because they're very good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. They're the sort of people that talk all the time.

Because you, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. Yeah. Because you also, did you, you texted him during the bonus episode that we did after. So did you get a reply to that? No. Maybe it's just in response to that because it's like the ball is in his court. So you think –

For anyone who wasn't there, this is a good plug for the Patreon. After this episode, we then recorded I think three little mini bonus episodes that will be coming out on the Patreon feed in the next few days, in the next week, week and a half. And we were talking about this in one of them and we got you on state. We were wanting you to call Hsey, and it was too late, and so you just texted him and said, you up. Yep.

Hey, you up. I texted him at 10.30 on a Saturday night. Yeah, so I mean it could have just been him. So you think he was ringing me Monday morning to go, no, I wasn't up. Well, he gets – yeah, exactly. He gets up Sunday. He sees it. He's got the – he's doing stuff with the family.

He's busy with them. Wakes up Monday morning, start of the working week. He's just kind of going through like, oh, did I get any emails or messages yesterday that I got to follow up on? So, yeah, literally it was to just call you and go, no, I wasn't up. What did you want? Were you up? What were you doing?

The nudes. What are you wearing? So it wasn't a prank on anyone It was It was It was fun Even though We didn't want someone like

I guess the thing that we created was That all happened with the Warrnwell stand And then everyone piled on in the comments But like he cops it all the time Yeah Yeah he would have He would have seen that sort of stuff before Whatever

That's not Again that's not us That's just an Like that would happen Regardless of what any article about him on that. Like, those people are going to have that response one way or the other. And A, we love Hughsey. B, the reason he was nominated in the Hall of Fame was because we wanted to make it look like the proper Hall of Fame.

Legit. He's an obvious contender because that's who should be in any real Hall of Fame. And that's not, I mean, me and you voted for Hughsey. Yeah. It's just that all the people out there voted for Kappa Moore. Yeah. That's all. I mean, look, Hughsey just unfortunately, he's a civilian casualty.

Yeah. He got caught in the crosshairs. But that wasn't our intent. Also, there's always next year. Yeah, exactly. We didn't do this to make... Get another article in the Waterloo Standard next year. Yeah, exactly. Get another article in the Warrnambool Standard next year. Oh, that's great.

So going into this, we do this again next year, and now Hugh's the underdog. Hugh's capper next year where we're really getting behind him. Yeah, I mean, the point of this... We put Ballard in as a nominee, and we split the Warrnambool vote. Oh, yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. Well, I mean, we weren't doing this to make fun of Husey or anyone else nominated.

No. We were doing it to mock the- We were making fun of Ostentatious, that's for sure. Well, I mean, that's one way of looking at it. But I think the general, the bigger joke was the mocking of the institution of these kinds of awards ceremonies. That was what was funny about it. Yes.

We weren't like- What is the joke? We weren't wanting to make fun of Dame Edna. Yeah. Man in dress. Yeah, everything was serious about this. Now that I think about it, you're right. Everything was completely...

What's the joke? What is the gag? Literally, what is the gag literally what is the gag it's a serious awards ceremony yeah yeah exactly the website's still up there

it's a thing now people still vote yeah I don't think we've turned off the voting ever get on people guys if you're listening

get on now and vote for Husey let's try and get let's try and let's get him a posthumous let's try yeah yeah is it still online?

Can you still vote? I bet it is. Yeah. I'm voting for Yuzi right now. Fuck yeah. Let's see. That's very big of you. Yeah.

Yeah. It happened again. I voted for him. Yeah. It's still live. It's still live. Get on there and vote, guys. It will go to our webmaster and that's all he will see.

We just have to do this again next week. Take the award off Kappa and give it to Yuzi. Yeah. You up? Because you just won an award yeah yes you got to get down here yeah yeah oh my stars fun all right do you want to do this bit so it was a long night we did edit out a few little things on the fly um if you wanted to know uh if you if you listened to all that and thought fuck that went for too long, here's some more. It was going to go longer. Yeah. We had this idea.

We wrote kind of a monologue, an awards show style monologue. You see that in the big awards. You see generally a comedian will host and come out and sort of talk about the state of the industry. Rib a few people in the room, that state of the... State of the industry. You know, rib a few people in the room, that kind of thing. So we thought, you know, if we want this to be like legitimate, this was the idea that when we got into

the awards section of the show, we would kick it off with this. And then on the fly, we lost our nerve in the written material and skimmed over it. Well, I think we didn't have the time to start this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, but anyway, let's do it now.

All right, let's go. It's a little bonus. We'll probably get about as much response in this room as we would have in that room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. But anyway, let's do it now. All right, let's go. Let's do the monologue now as a little bonus. We'll probably get about as much response in this room as we would have in that room. Yeah, that's not unfair. Okay, here we go. We thought we'd open tonight with a bit of a monologue, sort of in the style of Ricky Gervais. Not so much at the Emmys, more like on Derek. Yep.

It's great to be here celebrating because it's been such a rough few years for comedy. One disaster after another. The bushfires, the pandemic. Wogboys forever. But comedy is one disaster after another, the bushfires, the pandemic, Wogboys forever. But comedy is back on after COVID. Density limits are gone, which is exciting. Everywhere except for Adelaide, where the rule is still one person per venue. That's right, Tommy, and it's not just live comedy.

Comedy and light entertainment continue to thrive on television. One of the most popular shows this year involved big, ridiculous-looking animals screeching into a mic while everyone in the room tries to work out who the fuck they are but enough about brett blake said on the gala now carl on a somber note a beloved member of our industry was struck down this year by a horrible illness it was a really tough time for them being so sick missing out on work but the community really rallied behind this charming, beautiful comedian man. And before long, Tommy Dasolo had recovered from having the coronavirus. No, but Tommy, our friend and nominee, Nick Capa did have a rough trot with cancer this year. There was a fundraiser for him in this venue and it raised $15,000.

The most money Capa's ever made in a year, which may explain why I caught him backstage with his dick in the microwave eating an asbestos sandwich. Which brings us to the first ever induction ceremony for the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. The stars really are out tonight. As in the stars are all out doing other things. Bit of a cloudy night up here on stage.

That would have been a good one, I reckon. It's very exciting to be presenting Australia's comedy's night of nights. It does feel a bit like the Logies, although judging by the look of our audience, there's going to be a lot less coke in the bathroom and a lot more homebrew and cheesecake in there. I reckon that wouldn't have gone as well. No, no. But anyway, that was the last one. But it is funny. But anyway, enough about what we've been up to just here on stage.

Let's talk about comedy. Good stuff. See, that's good. Yeah, I reckon those are all some good little gags in there. All solid, solid little bits. There you go, guys. Bit of a deleted scene. You know, when you're fucking sweating bullets

trying to wedge a Wogboys Forever reference into a gag a couple of hours before the show, it seems a waste to not do anything with it. Yeah. I did talk about this on stage, but it was genuinely funny. Like, we were writing this stuff, like, in the foyer of the Comic Sans,

I was hearing the guys answer the phones and just try and explain. Yeah. Like there was genuine conversations where it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, they're doing a podcast. Yeah, people are watching.

Yeah, people pay to come and watch that. Yeah, yeah. No, seriously. And in the background, they can hear us going, is homebrew or craft beer funnier? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To make a joke about our fat fans coming along.

Yeah. Yeah, what else? We had the big Dickie Knee in the room, the Ricky Knee puppet. Yeah, get on the socials. There's some nice little pictures. And maybe we might have a bit of video, I think, off the back of this. Have we been sent video? Yep, but it cuts off at the one hour mark. Oh.

So no Ricky Knee. Why would that happen? I have no idea. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll have some... We've definitely got some pictures of all that stuff anyway. We've got some bits and bobs that we can put up,

some visual stuff that we can put up on the socials over the next few days. I ended up going to a friend's house after the show and I had to get into an Uber with the Dickie Knee and then I just turned up at my friend's house just carrying a large Dickie Knee puppet and my friend was off his head and kept excitedly coming up to me and going,

I can't believe Dickie Knee's at my house. And I was like, it's not actually, it's just a big replica that a friend of ours made for the show. And also, it's not Dickie Knee, it's Ricky Knee. Yeah. But also, even if it was the real Dickie Knee, still so what? It's still just a puppet. And so then when I was like heading off, I've like ordered the Uber, I've got my backpack,

and I'm like picking up the Dickie Knee, and my friend was like, leave him. So it's still just at my friend's house yeah i was um in rehearsal or in uh before we before we did the gig we kept fucking up and saying not ricky knee ricky lee yeah yeah i'm like fuck i was almost a bit disappointed we didn't fuck up on the night and then just turned into a ricky lee character yeah absolutely just one of the one of the contestants on australian idols popping up every five minutes in our show it would have been a real um yeah it would have been a real test of my vocal abilities to all of a sudden switch into that after doing dame edna and then ricky lee and then no ricky knee and then ricky there we go

there we go again yeah um so yeah look uh we did like you said we did stick around we if you liked uh that there's more sort of of that coming up on Patreon in the next week and a half. Yeah. A bunch of other episodes with those guests up there. And most of the audience, the ones that could be fucked hanging around, most of them stuck around. A few of them went, no, we've just seen a 90-minute live show. I reckon that'll do us. Yep.

Yep. Yeah. So, yeah, they'll be coming out on the Patreon with Kappa and Conchetta. And shout out to Conchetta, really being thrown in the deep end. Yes. And doing a great job. What an interesting one to give her her debut on. Maybe the worst situation for a debut we've ever thrown someone into.

Well, on top of the fact that then you open with, hey, so anyway, you fucked him in your dream, didn't you? I was just like, I've got to get her into the tapestry somehow. For sure. For sure. Absolutely. Yeah, very fair. But yeah, speaking of Patreon. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But no, very, very, very, very briefly. And hopefully we'll talk about this next week. But next week we talked about Bangkok with Kappa very briefly. Very interesting. There's been a few people that are interested in coming to see. The plan is to do a stand-up show in Bangkok. Yeah, when we're recording this, it is officially, what's that? I think we're 10 days out from the gig.

Yep. Still not on sale. That's pretty cool. Yeah, interesting. Either we're going to find out it's not happening or because there's only 10 days to go, not many people will come. So either way...

I looked up this site and it's like, they've got tickets on sale for something that's in like late November. Absolutely. I'm aware. I checked it again this morning. And in the meantime, I've noticed they've updated another part of the site.

I'm like, could you update what's fucking on in 10 days? This is really good. I love this. Yeah. So, yeah, I reckon bad either way. If I'm going to have to spend a day, because you know what it's like on show day. If you have to do a gig of any proper length of time, I think we'll be doing 20 minutes each or something like that. It's a bit of a stress.

If I'm wasting a day being stressed in fucking bangkok to then play in front of four people yeah and they're all people that are coming with us yes like i could fucking do this in the maxi taxi from the airport i could do this gig there oh that's a good idea that's a much better idea like i guess this this reeks of just like i've maybe said this last week that one of these venues in these parts of the world they're like the only place to see live comedy in the city. And people just come in, you know what I mean? Like they don't really have to be on top of like,

it's not like a city like Melbourne where you're like competing with all these other things and you really have, you know, there's like people are spoiled for choice. This place to me, from what I could see on Google, is like if you want to see stand-up comedy in Bangkok, this is it. This is the only place to go. People are just rolling up anyway. I feel like we should be talking about this

on next week's episode, so we'll save it for that. I do have a few other things to say about it. Meanwhile, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Get on there, support the show, and you can get these aforementioned bonus episodes that we recorded after this show, and you also get a catalog of 270 something i think

uh mini episodes they come out mondays and fridays with uh special guests and uh yeah they're always really fun and uh in addition to that you go into the drawer to get your name read out and immortalized in the stewart hall of fame i didn't meet stewart on uh saturday i just realized he was there wasn't he i believe that he i think we got a message from him in the end that was like, hey boys, I got a ticket, but I've got the famous little virus that's been floating around for a little while. So I don't think he was there. Yeah, right.

Yeah, so we didn't get to insert anyone into him live. Well, good for him because that's the interesting call that one has to make now because there's no rule that you have to isolate so it's just really the onus is on the person of like now given that there's been all this talk about it for the last two years i guess responsibly i probably should yeah even though there's nothing really saying that i have to that's right the onus is now on the individual yep that's that's right. Well, welcome in. And a good point, what you said, small episodes. Just a reminder, people out there, bonus episodes,

they come out twice a week and they're small little ones. So it's quite nice. I guess an episode like this comes out and you sort of, a little part of you probably thinks, oh, fuck, well, there's at least an hour. And then there's the talking dum-dum if you're into that. There's a big fucking episode there. Whereas if you're just walking down the shops to get some milk or something,

you've got a little 15-minuter. Just pop that on. There's no commitment. It's just like, ah, I'll just have a bit of a listen to this. And you don't always need a steak. Sometimes just a little small fries would do you. So that's your small fries coming out. Unlike this beautiful filet mignon you're currently devouring.

Two fucking flaming hot porterhouses just whacked down in front of you. That's it. Thank you very much to first cab off the rank Patreon subscriber. Thank you very much to Zach Lyle. Zach Lyle. L-I-S-L-E. I was about to say, having done that live show and then the bonuses off the back. And so now we're just doing this today.

And this is it. How good is it? Oh, yeah. Not one of these fucking mammoth days where we're here for four hours doing everything back to back to back. A lot of our Tuesdays are normal episode, talking to the guests for about an hour off air. Yep. Then we go into two bonus episodes. Then talking dumb dumb.

Yeah. Yeah. A full ass day. Yep. Are we go into two bonus episodes. Then talking dumb dumb. Yeah. Yeah. A full ass day. Yep. Are you hungry today? Well, yeah, it is right on, nearly on 12 o'clock right now. Yeah, I am a bit hungry.

I'll probably go get a little salad after this. Oh. And then I'm going to have a little pizza for dinner. Oh. Yeah. A little pizza for dinner. I'm going to a concert where there's like a little pizza place. A pizza concert. Like attached to the venue.

A pizza concert. A pizza concert? A pizza concert. Oh, okay. Going to see a band at a venue that just has decent food in it. Yeah, nice. So handy. What's the venue? Stay Gold in Brunswick.

Oh, yeah. They've got a little pizza place attached to it. I've never been there. What are the pizzas like? I hear really good. Never had them. No. But I've heard very good things.

You know what my plan is to do after this i am we're at your place of uh but not actually too long on this because i've parked in a one-hour park very bad parking today which is why i was a little bit late here um sorry if you're waiting on the you noticed that on the podcast that i was a little bit late today but i'm gonna put like just 15 minutes of silence great at the start in between in between the normal app and the talking dumb dumb. Yeah, that's what I want. Spending the time out of the day to do this and potentially have no one listen to it because they think the episode's over. Great.

This becomes the hidden track. Yeah, that's true. Who needs to do that? Yeah, I was a little bit like, no, very bad parking around your house today. Yeah, it was a little bit like, no, very bad parking around your house today. But after this, I'm going to go and visit, I'm going to get lunch at the hamburger joint that's been in the news because it basically did a themed Kanye West deal and then he's suing them. Oh, that's right.

Because it's sort of like, fair enough, like, I guess, you know, hey man, you can't just like make a fucking cafe based on someone and make everyone, you know, hey man, you can't just like make a fucking cafe based on someone and make everyone, you know, making money off their likeness and their intellectual property and whatever. So they cut all that down and then they've just kept like one of the song names as a burger or something like that. I think that you can get away. Yeah.

Like the gold digger burger and stuff like that. Yeah. They've changed nearly everything except for maybe one thing. So hang on. The lawyers are like, nah, we're still suing you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've changed nearly everything except for maybe one thing. So hang on. The lawyers are like, no, we're still suing you. Oh, really? Yeah, for this one thing. So hang on.

Let me get this straight. In a week where Kanye's been in the news for a string of anti-Semitic comments and people all across social media calling for a boycott and then being like, you cannot stand behind this. This is the week that you've gone, time for me to finally check out that burger restaurant. No. I'm supporting his enemy. I'm supporting the place he's suing.

So also, isn't this place in like Moonee Ponds or something? No. I looked at it. I was reading the article and I thought, and I went, oh, I had a look at it and went, man, it's actually sort of vaguely on my way home from here. Is it really? It's a bit of a detour. Oh, okay.

I always thought it was like way out somewhere. No, no, no. It's actually not that far off the Chandler Highway, I believe. It's out that way a little bit. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. That's just a slight detour. It's a little bit of a right turn.

You know, I just go, yeah, it's a way I can go. Okay. Yeah, so I'm going to and uh contribute to the to the legal defense in a way yeah yeah yeah yeah that's my um justification for having a massive fucking double cheeseburger but yeah i liked when that first happened the guy in the article he was like oh yeah you know bit sad because i'm a massive fan of kanye and a bit sad that he's suing me but hey you know it doesn't change how i feel i'm still going to listen to the music. It's like, you cuck. Like, I would find it incredibly hard to bounce back from that.

One of my heroes suing me. I don't know that I would be able to listen to the music and have a good time with it. Well, you know what's funny is that the name of the burger joint is High School Dropout. So he's kept the name and he's got rid of all the murals and all the burger names and everything. All he's kept is the name.

So High School Dropout is the name of one of his albums, right? College Dropout. Oh, College Dropout. Oh, so, okay, right. Maybe that's what it's called, College Dropout. So he's kept that name. And he's like, yeah, but I'm justified in that because, like, you know, I am a college dropout. And it's like, it's not like that's a fucking brand name anyway.

But they're like, no, no, we're still doing it. Yeah. So now it's like i think in hindsight he could be like oh right well i did have his fucking face all over my restaurant and all that sort of stuff i think he's taking the piss a bit but now this is the point where you go oh well fuck this cunt yeah yeah i mean i was happy with him hating the jews but now that he's done this to me this is the last straw kanye. Yeah, fucking hell. All right, well, yeah, let me know

how the burger is. Yeah, well, look, I'll be getting it thanks to Zach Lyle, one of the more unusual named combos out there. Zach is just

Z-A-C. Oh, yeah. No H, no K. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be interested to know, maybe we've talked about

this before, but, you know, you've got the, you know, you feel like there's a rivalry between K and C, Carl. I wonder, because you've got three Zacks. You've got straight up just C, then you've got the H, then you've got the K. I wonder how those three groups feel about each other. What do you like the best?

How do you rank them? It's a good question. I mean, I think that probably the K is the most pure. Yeah. That's the best one. The straight probably the K is like the most pure. Yeah. That's like the straight up like... K is a strong letter. That's kind of how it... If you are someone who'd never seen the name before in their life, how it was spelled, I think

that's what they'd go with. What's the strongest letter in the alphabet, do you think? Oh, that's a great question. Yeah. K is pretty tough. It's pretty tough. It's pretty good. Yeah. Z is pretty bold as well. No.

Z is kind of fruity. Yeah. It's up there with X. It's a weird one. It's up there with X. Yeah. Because it's like. They mean like hard sound.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. T can, you know, T like at the end of a letter, like, you know, punt. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah this is fascinating stuff N's doing a bit of work there please go back to talking about

the hamburgers no no no it's fair it's like it's like it's like a debate a few weeks ago a few months ago

it was like what's the what's what was the the day of the week what's the what's the opposite of Sunday what's the opposite of

yeah no what's the opposite of Saturday night yeah yeah what's the opposite of Saturday night what's the opposite of, yeah. No, what's the opposite of Saturday night? Yeah, yeah. What's the opposite of Saturday night? What's the opposite of Saturday night?

Yeah, it's the same as that. Yeah. Yeah, X and Z are a bit weird because it's like, we all know there's no great need for them to happen. It was like someone decided we've got to have 26 letters

and they got to the end and went, what else could we have? But if the X didn't exist, then something like an X-ray, what would that be called? That's an interesting thought exercise. If one or two letters weren't in the alphabet. Why is something like an X-ray, what would that be called? That's an interesting thought exercise.

If one or two letters weren't in the alphabet. Why is it called an X-ray anyway? I don't know. Like we get this ray. I get it. There's a ray. But why is it an X-ray? I don't know.

Is it because if X marks the spot and it's like, okay, we're going to find the spot. Yeah. It's named after pirates. Yeah. We're going to find the spot. It'll be some Latin word or something that's just like shortened down to just like X. You reckon? I think so.

Yeah. All right. Cue people yelling at us. Let's go to our old friend Google. Why is it called an X-ray? Oh, that's interesting. Through experimentation, he found that the mysterious light

would pass through most substances but leave shadows of solid objects. Because he did not know what the rays were, he called them X, meaning unknown rays. Oh. There we go. There you go. I like my made-up reason better,

but still, all right. I'll cop that. X marks the spot. Yeah. They're looking for the spot when you're doing an X-ray. Yeah, they're looking for the tumor. That makes heaps more sense. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Zach Lyle. That would be for the spot when you're doing an X-ray. Yeah, they're looking for the tumor. That makes heaps more sense.

Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Zach Lyle. That would be great if every time you did that, you're like, X marks the spot. And what is X? Oh, cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry you had to find out this way.

Sort of the opposite of buried treasure, actually. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Zach. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andrea Hogan. Hogan's heroes. That's us. That's us that's us yep and who are the nazis um everyone that doesn't listen to this show yes yes if you don't listen to this show you hate the jews and black people yeah i believe is that is that why they're banded together what is the unifying idea behind Nazism?

Is it just we hate sort of everyone that's not us? More or less, yeah. Pretty much anyone who's different. Yeah, that's bad. I just got the most intense ringing in my ears and I forget, I went to, because I went to a concert on Sunday night as well and then I'm going to one tonight

and I keep saying to myself... Molly Meldrum of comedy. Yeah. And also I'm going to one tonight. And I keep, I keep saying to myself, Molly Meldrum of comedy. Yeah. Yeah. And also I like music. I keep saying to myself, next time you go to a gig, you,

you, you've turned the corner. You've got to get the earplugs. Yeah. You, you just, your ears can't take it anymore. And I keep forgetting,

like this was now two days ago that I went to Tame Impala and just still a low level of ringing at all times of the day and tonight's is going to be even worse because it's like a punk band in a small bar i'm going to be deaf by the weekend i reckon yeah get onto that yeah i've got it you know i'm adding on my list i've got to i've got to become a flossing person i went to the dentist and it's the most frustrated i think i've ever actually copped from a dentist like you know they're always like oh what's your fucking thing you know it's your life but she's like no actually do this i think dentists more than anyone have to cop like

people coming in who are either armchair experts themselves or have you know like going oh but my friend said that apparently now flossing's bad for you right like i think they more than like any other profession yeah have to cop dumb fucks coming in who are like what you you heard that at a party that you're not you only need to brush your teeth once a week it is a weird thing because maybe maybe this is just me but i remember growing up and thinking well the dentist is sort of like the police like you got to do whatever the fuck they want yeah yeah yeah you know this is it and um and you know my parents being like you know sort of the same way oh they said you have to come in and do this it's not till now you go oh you can

just do whatever the fuck you want yeah it's your your teeth it's your mouth but yeah now things have flipped and it's like people like nah if i could do whatever i want and they're like no but we're saying this for a reason yeah like you're in fucking trouble here, fucking do whatever I want. And they're like, no, but we're saying this for a reason. Like, you're in fucking trouble here. You can do whatever you want. Yeah. But that's bad. Yeah. If you want to come back and see me every fucking week, I guess you can do whatever the fuck you want.

You can jump off a bridge if you want. Yeah. Teeth first. Yeah. Well, get ready for, so you haven't flossed at all? I'm not a flosser. Get ready for that first one. It's going to be like fucking elevator doors in The Shining.

Oh, damn. You will bleed like a fucking... Wow. You've never bled in your life. Two little identical twin girls appearing in front of me. Yeah. A naked woman in the bath. I think that's what puts people off and what the dentists get frustrated by is like,

if you haven't done it for a while, you do it and then you've got that build up. So it bleeds quite a lot, which obviously makes you go oh well this is no good yep and it's like no well now the next times you do it it'll incrementally get better and the fact that that happens means that you should have been doing it right but like people go i did it once and there was blood everywhere so you should get some gum calluses, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, okay. Well, that's very interesting to find off the back of Andrew Hogan. Hogan's Heroes, what was the guy's name again? He was a big sex fiend.

Bob Crane. Oh, okay. He was like fucking nuts. They made a movie about him. They made a movie about him and the movie was written by Paul Schrader, who was the guy who wrote Taxi Driver. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he may have directed it as well.

Yeah. My girlfriend's sister last night was telling me that they re-watched some episodes just out of interest of the old Where's Wally cartoon. Didn't even know there was one. Yeah, they made one off the back of the books being big. And in the books there there's a little wizard. His wizard friend is one of the people that you're trying to find. I think his name is Wizard Whitebeard or something.

And I do remember seeing the cartoon growing up, and she mentioned this to me, and it did kind of reignite the memory in my head that the wizard in the cartoon is voiced by a guy doing a Rodney Dangerfield impression. And literally in the cartoon is voiced by a guy doing a Rodney Dangerfield impression. And, like, literally in the credits it's, like, such and such as Rodney Dangerfield as Wizard White. Like, they actually shout out in the credits that he's doing an impression

of Rodney Dangerfield. And also it's, like, Wally turns up to the wizard's house and these two, like, scantily clad women walk out. And the wizard's like oh hey hey Wally hey what can I say the ladies love me it's like this kids cartoon

where they just had this wizard who's like he fucks like he's constantly like hey oh just having a bit of a talk party in here hey

well what can I say just playing a bit of where's Willie it's like who do you think the audience for this show is like I remember liking that cartoon

and I remember liking the character of Whitebeard, but I remember being like, oh, tight. He's doing a Rodney Dangerfield impression. That is good. My favourite comedian. That is good Where's Willie to be involved in Where's Wally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The porn parody.

I bet that exists. Yeah. Oh, hey. You know what is one of the great life stories of comedy is Rodney Dangerfield. You, have you ever read his autobiography? No, I haven't. It's a fucking great read. Is it really?

Yeah. It's a really good read. Damn. I might order that now. I wonder how easy it is to find. It's really easy. Is it really? Yeah.

It was, it's only like a 10 year old book or something. Oh, okay. Yeah. And, uh, or it was reprinted. I think he's been dead for more than 10 years. Damn. Is there, if there's an audio book, I'm into that. Fuck, yeah.

Him reading. Hey. Hey. Just reading out the, like getting him to do all of it. ISBN. Yeah. Man, it's such a good read and it's an easy read. It's a good looking book.

It's not too long. Okay. And it's such a crazy story in that he tried comedy really early on and was no good and went, oh, well, fuck that. And then just worked for 20 years as like a traveling salesman. Okay. Didn't get into it until his 40s. But the whole time, while he was a traveling salesman, whenever he'd think of a joke, he would just – and this is always the thing that stuck with me. He would write down the joke and then throw it into a bag.

And then one day – I think he may have even said sack. And then one day he went, hey, I might do comedy again, and then had a sack full of jokes. That's awesome. And then just went through them and then immediately started killing because all of a sudden he had the attitude, like when he was a 20-year-old guy or whatever, he was just some little fuck.

And who gives a fuck? But all of a sudden he was this fully grown older man with all these jokes and this attitude of like look at me I'm a fucking idiot

and everyone hates me and everyone's like yes great yeah here we go it's not easy being me yes a lifetime of no respect

but plenty of sex and drugs yeah yeah yeah alright it's a good read alright I'm gonna yeah I'm gonna get this it's telling me it won't be delivered

until December the 20th it fucking can't be right I did I must have given it away or something I had a copy I don All right. I'm going to get this. It's telling me it won't be delivered until December the 20th. It fucking can't be right. I must have given it away or something. I had a copy. I don't know what I did with it. Anyway. Thanks, Andrea. Thanks, Andrea Hogan, for all that you inspired.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Daniel Beach. Okay. Yeah. I love this. B-A-C-H. Life's a beach if you're this guy. Yeah. Hey, he's no Daniel at the beach.

What? You know, the saying, he's no day at the beach. Oh, right. Yeah. I don't know that I do know that saying. Oh, really? I mean, I know about going and spending a day at the beach. But you've never heard of something being not a day at the beach?

Well, of course I have. I mean, I'm living one right now. Right. Most things are. The majority of my life is not a day at the beach. Right, right, right. There's maybe, and especially in this city where the climate is so unpredictable, even in summer, I might be lucky if I get like five days a beach at the beach in a year.

So you're saying that saying 360 days a year everything most days majority days you're getting up saying well this is no day of the beach yeah yeah going into therapy even if you're having a fun day yeah going to therapy how are you today it's no day at the beach yeah oh wow it's do you want to talk about that it's like no no i'm like i'm feeling i was feeling fine birthday i'm just telling you i just had sex i won teslotto yeah i feel great but you cannot deny you're not in the water that you're and then but then i look down and me and You're feeling fine. Yeah, it's my birthday. I'm just telling you. I just had sex. I won Tasselotto. Yeah, I feel great. But you cannot deny. My feet are not in the water. But then I look down and me and my therapist are lying next to each other on towels.

Right. And the sand. Oh, you're having therapy at the beach. And I'm like, oh, no, sorry. I guess it was just a force of habit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I do say that every other... I forgot that you moved your office down here to the beach.

And because I'm at therapy, it's not like a heap of fun. Yeah. So you're right. This is just a metaphor. A therapist where their office is in one of those little beach boxes. Oh, yeah. That'd be nice. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, just sitting there, you've got the door open. You know, you're drinking Coke out of a glass bottle and you're like, I just don't really see any reason for living at the moment. And then the therapist is just like, but you know, look at this. Exactly. You're like, oh, you know what? Yeah, you raise a good point.

I'm going to go drown myself. Whatever you say, he just points at the strategy. He goes, what are you fucking on about? Have a look where you are. That's a great therapy office. Just that to everyone. Yeah. Yeah, that would be good.

Daniel Beach, what's he copped over the years? Just all this, I guess. I bet when... Less than that. Remember that... Well, you know the number one thing he's copped. What? Come on.

Have a think. Daniel Bitch? Well, have a think of what that might inspire. Well, I was going to say, I imagine it was a tough time for him when there was that viral cartoon a few years ago, that Beach Daz. No. That little cartoon whale.

No. He's literally the son of a beach. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what he's got. He's copping that all his life, surely. But you can't deny when that cartoon was out. I can't deny it. If he's got the right kind of friends, they would have been like, oh, yeah, Beach Daz, that's you.

Okay. Well, I can't deny it because I never watched it. Yeah. Well, if his friends were in that right age bracket for when that really hit, I imagine that was fucking tedious as all get out of here. Son of a beach is timeless. There's nothing he could... There's no way, there's no age bracket he could be in where that hasn't happened for most of his life. Well, I think we're going to find out this week.

Yeah. We'll get one of our famous posts in our Millionaires Facebook group. Yeah. He could be in where that hasn't happened for most of his life. I think we're going to find out this week. We'll get one of our famous posts in our Millionaires Facebook group. Yeah, boys. I actually never heard that one before. I just get you dumb beach all the time. Move, beach. Get out the way. Hey, beach.

Suck my dick. Yep. Yep. Just a lot of things and then beach. There's something about the fact that it's Daniel coming before it too. Kind of makes it really hit a bit harder for me. It's a funny comedy name. Daniel. Daniel Beach.

Yeah. Like why? Why is your last name Beach? I mean, it does sound incredibly made up. We're talking about it. All right. I'm looking him up. I wasn't asking you to do that

I was just saying it sounds made up it sounds like a made up name now I want to know what Daniel Beach looks like Daniel Beach and look you know we've talked about this if you're a long time listener you will know that I have a theory that

surnames generally derive from something that your ancestor did for a living. So, his great-great-great-grandfather was... Sand. Sand and water. Yeah. Right. I'll respect the hell out of this man if you look him up and his profile picture is something like, you know, just Wilson from the film Cast Away.

picture is something like you know just wilson from the film cast away if he's leaning in like when we've told this so many times but when you and i one time we met a man called tim duck and then he sent us a friend request on facebook and his profile picture was of a duck yeah i was like i can't believe this i can't believe that you're not fucking absolutely fighting this yeah yeah yeah anything all the way in. I really respect it. That is cool that you must have got to a point where you're like, fuck this. Everyone fucking stop doing it. And then they just realize this is never stopping. So you just have to accept it.

Yeah. Okay, great. I will. And there's worse things to be associated. I mean, in his case, it's like, yeah, ducks are cute. Everyone loves them. Yeah. So same with this guy. Yeah. You just look up his profile picture and it's just like yeah bit of sand people's dreams crystal blue ocean people's dreams are the beach yeah that's all

people want to do yeah yeah yeah uh well you know tell you what is the only thing i've i've got off this plate you know what his profile picture is a Ho, ho, ho, ho. A big old beer. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. You know what you like to drink when you're on the beach. Pretty cool. Get a can out of the esky. Yeah.

Oh. Fuck, that's all right. Yeah. I don't hate that. Yeah, he loves it. He loves it. All right, well, thanks, Daniel. He is, he is, that's what he loves.

He is a, I reckon this guy is a day at the beach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty easy to get along with. Yeah, cool. Yeah, just, is. That's what, that's what he loves. He is a, I reckon this guy is a day at the beach. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty easy to get along with. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Just, just laid back attitude.

Wants to blow the froth off one with you, mate. Couple of cold ones on the beach. Yeah. Yeah. Well, drinking on the beach, I mean,

it's, it is a bit underrated because you, you know, you shouldn't really do that in Australia. There's no, you never get that. Like that's, that's part of the great thing about,

you know, overseas and Asian places, places like that's that's part of the great thing about you know overseas and asian places like that whether they just go yeah if i can get pissed on the beach here's a bar here's a restaurant he's a whatever yeah here not so much yeah doesn't stop people though i guess so yeah you go down to the right beach in the summer people just there with eskies you gotta bring fucking rats I like the idea. I much prefer, instead of bringing my own shit, I much prefer to buy a beer on the beach

because you know they've just been in the fridge like a second ago. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Well, thanks, Daniel. Thanks, Danny. Thanks, Danny B. Danny Beach.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber... Oh, we've got two in a row. Dan Conda. Dan-a-conda. Yeah, Dan-a-aconda Danaconda fuck if he hasn't copped that if that's a light bulb

moment for him fuck wow yeah your Patreon dollar has been worthwhile yeah yeah yeah the Danaconda

Danaconda that's great bringing a girl home unzipping the pants are you ready for the Danaconda yep yep yuck

yuck more of a Dan of worms you've opened a Dan of worms, more like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. Fuck. In that you have multiple small dicks. Yes.

Yes. That's good. Let us know, Dan Condor, what you thought of that bit. That is, you know, we don't always have like a genius moment off the name of someone's specific name. Sometimes you can just inspire a riff that goes somewhere, and that's your sort of gift. But that's a genuine good bit on your name. Well, because I was blessed then by just kind of hearing you say the name

and not seeing it written down, because I assume it's spelt as in the bird? No, it's spelt as in, I don't know, just the way it's spelled. C-O-N-D-E-R. Oh, okay. So not Condor. Condor. Condor. Yeah.

So Dana Condor. Condor? I hardly know her. Dana Condor. Dan Condor? I hardly Dan know her. Yeah. That's nearly something.

Yep. Condor. That was the name of a printing company that I worked with at a job once that we would go to their Christmas party and absolutely run amok. And every year there would be complaints. About your motley crew of. Yeah. Yeah. And I think.

The other business getting an invite to the Christmas party is like, why would you... Because it's like people, you know, people do overstep the line at Christmas parties and it's like, oh, well, that's... I've fucked it here because I've got to see all the, you know, I've got to see all these people every day. Yeah. And, you know, now I'm being, you know,

now I'm going to be tarred by this behavior. Don't shit in your own nest. Yeah. And that's probably, like, that fear is probably a lot of what holds most people back of being like, I would love to go crazy here. Free booze, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. But, yeah, if it's someone else's workplace, who gives a fuck?

Yes. I deal with these people maybe once a month over email tops. I don't care. It's international waters. It's pirate radio. It doesn't matter what you do there. But apparently it does, as we found out multiple times. Never jeopardized the working relationship?

I think there was a few meetings. I think there was a few meetings happening. There was quite a few meetings. Because it was like what? You needed them to do printing? We don't need to get super specific into everything. What, after you named the company yeah well then i regretted it so um yeah it was uh yeah it was funny it was uh but i mean

this is a thing if you're going to them and being like we're paying you to do this stuff their hands are tied do you know what i mean if it's like the other way around yeah yeah then there's more risk because it's like you know what we don't want to have anything to do with you cunts yeah yeah yeah yeah no no definitely there was weird weird a weird power structure there yeah where there was some rank stuff being done and then them going we want your business but can you stop shitting in the fucking yeah but then but then the question becomes, how many times did this happen? Because at a certain point, it's like, fool me twice. Well, it's that beautiful time where I'll never get this time back where, A, I mean,

you get to go to a Christmas party with a normal workplace. Yep. But B, in that beautiful age bracket of like, I can't go to a Christmas party now and run a muck at this age. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah you've got no um i i mean a i've done it all before but b it's all a bit sad and oh but you know what people i do think it's like a deeply ingrained like i think people still do do it like a lot of my friends who are like my age so like mid 30s their work christmas party will come up and they're like here here we fucking go.

Yeah, right. Because it's like you think you're over it and then there's like a new generation that are coming through the office that are like sort of, you know, giving you the second wind or whatever. I think it's just for a lot of people. I mean, you know, you got out of that life. But for a lot of people, it's like, this is one of the few shreds of joy in this year of going and sitting at this fucking desk. I'm going to show these people what they really mean to me.

We should do that one year. We should have the dum-dum office Christmas party. Yeah, if we rented an office, if we actually did it in an office, if we rented office space to do it in, have it in just a fucking weak, sterile environment. It would actually be fun. With the lights on full, the fluorescent lights on full, like a 7-Eleven. That would be interesting because otherwise it's like, what, we have it at a bar? We're in bars fucking every night of the week. That's it.

That's not exciting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get someone to come in and cook a really shitty barbecue for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We get it catered terribly. Yes. We get a bad DJ. Fuck.

Yeah. Yeah, there's not enough times where I've gotten to hire catering or something. You know, in lockdown once, I don't know if I ever talked about this. There's not much to talk about, but I just found it funny. Just as a treat, we, me and my wife, don't say no, we got, maybe it was for my birthday or something. I love when you go to catered events and they have the little sandwiches. And especially when they have. The triangle sandwich, yeah.

Especially when they have the, I'm a great fan of the chicken and mayo. Yep. And lettuce. Yeah, it's classic. Yeah, love that. So we found the mob that do the best ones all right the ones they're sort of like vaguely famous and you got your lockdown catered yeah that's cool yeah except they only did it like you know they're only used to doing like big events so we got our house catered for that. That's cool. And so we just got like fucking heaps of sandwiches.

Yeah, that's awesome. Because that sandwich, you basically never see that style of sandwich outside of a catered event. That's a cool theme for a cafe, the catering cafe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you go in and it's like all those things that you love that are passed around in an event that A, you don't really see anywhere else and b even when you do see them at the event you're like hovering over you never get it you never get like so you go and you want you go into the cafe instead of handing it over the

counter you hand over a couple of bucks and all of a sudden you just wait and at some stage a girl comes from behind you and goes haranchini ball maybe like that or it's like a or it's like a buffet where it's just all the catering classics. So you can go up. It's got to be brought to you as you're talking to someone. But it's still bottom. It's like a bottomless brunch situation where it's like two hours sitting. Yes. And like constantly.

Yes. And like literally there's no like cap on the volume of like the arancini or the chicken wings or the little sandwiches that you're getting. Yes. You just, like, the arrangement is she is just going to keep coming back. Yes. With that item until you say, hey, I think we're actually done on the arancini. And there's no tables or anything either. You just stand and you talk beautiful. Oh, I hate, no, I hate that.

Oh, really? That's what gets in the way of you getting the volume of stuff that you want. Yeah. I think you've got to be seated. You've got to have a table. Really? Yeah, I think so. But I like the idea of, you know, that thing where you. Well, then it's just a function. Now we're not merging the worlds of the cafe you want. Yeah. I think you've got to be seated. You've got to have a seat. Really? Yeah, I think so. But I like the idea of, you know, that thing where you...

Well, then it's just a function. Now we're not merging the worlds of the cafe and the... I know, but it's a function that you can go to whenever you want. I think that's the delight of it. Yeah, true, true. Like, I'll just pop in. It's 10.30. I'm a bit peckish.

I might pop into this catered function. Yeah, but sometimes I feel like... But how do you grab the... Because you can't grab the... Part of the delight of those catered functions for me is that someone almost gets away from you you go no you're not fucking getting away from me and you walk after them and go oh i'll just grab that yeah that's true maybe we've got two areas maybe like you can you know you can choose well you can go grab that and then bring it back to your own table yeah yeah yeah yeah

there's maybe that's maybe that's it everyone's seated but then all the waiters are in like a free range pen yeah you have to go and like chase them around yeah get the food and then come back yeah this i'm into that's it yeah because you know sometimes do you ever go to one of those things where like there'll be something being passed around that's great but you're just like how the fuck am i meant to eat this yeah just with my hands standing up yeah a little bit and also the ones that they just take off and you're sitting there the whole rest of the night going are they fucking bringing any more of them yeah or you're like you're just left holding a skewer or the napkin that you got to like hold the arancini ball in

and you're like you don't you don't want to just be holding a napkin but you know you are going to get more food to put in it at some stage and also the thing where it's like you miss it they don't want to just be holding a napkin, but you know you are going to get more food to put in it at some stage. And also the thing where it's like you miss it. They don't even come near you and you go, well, fuck this. I just have to leave my group. I have to go over there. And I can see right now there's like seven meatballs on that plate. Yeah.

And she's heading towards a group of nine people. I'm just becoming a part of that group now. I'm just going in. I'm just going to fucking nab one. This honestly all stresses me out so much when I'm at an event that this is the setup where, you know, if I haven't eaten beforehand and it's like I've got to make sure, like I'm drinking as well. I've got to make sure I get enough food to line my stomach.

This is all also very yummy and I want to have more of it. It genuinely makes me not enjoy the party. Thinking about like my placement in the room, and sometimes you just end up in an area where the waiters are all just missing you. I honestly would rather just not have... If I want to enjoy the event, I'd rather just have it be like, hey, there's not going to be food. Just fucking have dinner before you come in.

Once I see that that's the setup, I'm like, I'm not going to be able to focus on any conversations at this point i just wish i'd got my wife to just do laps of our apartment yeah it was a bit of a shame because it's like i love it was it was the dream it was a dream that you think you wanted but then in the end you're like oh what a shame because there end up being like a lot of sandwiches in my fridge you can't have hold on to them for a week yeah you hold on for a day and a half and that's about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it just turned into that thing of like, wow, I had a lot of sandwiches for lunch. That was great. And I'm having them for dinner. And I think I need to have one or two for breakfast. Yeah. So a bit of a shame. Anyway, Dan Conda.

Thanks, Dan Conda. Thanks, Dan Conda. All right. Well. It's lunchtime. I'm, Danaconda. All right. Well. It's lunchtime. I'm calling it. Okay. 12.30.

It is lunchtime. You're right. And I'm parked in a one-hour spot. All right. Well, let's do it. Thank you very much. Patreon, subscribe. One more.

Lunchtime comedy. All right. That's something, isn't it? That's something we can get behind. Yeah. How has that one never come up before? Because there's no great need. We whinge about it being lunchtime nearly every week.

Did you go to a place called Lunchtime Comedy? Of course. Lunch. Does it need to be comedy there? Or can it just have comedy in the name and it's lunch? Or they just have a TV on that's playing Mr. Bean. There's a, yeah, yeah. That's not bad.

That's all right. Because there is a resort that somehow we've never ended up, we never ended up going to in Copenhagen, across from Koh Samui, called The Divine Comedy. Oh, yeah, yeah. And we never went there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A resort with comedy in the name.

Well, maybe we could combine our catering cafe idea. So it's lunchtime comedy. It's that. But they're all like wacky waiters. Yes. So part of like you're like racing to get your arancini ball because you know the person holding it is probably going to stack it and drop the tray at some stage. Yes.

Okay. All right. Well, thanks, guys. Thanks for listening. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Get on there. Support the show. Thanks very much for listening. Andcom slash little dum dum club get on there support the show thanks very much for listening

and we'll see you next time see you mate