The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 631 - Melanie Bracewell & Ray O'Leary

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

This week we're back in our favourite cramped hotel with MELANIE BRACEWELL and RAY O'LEARY, making his debut on the show! We find out that Ray is the master of group chat gossip both here and in New Zealand, Tommy's mother in law has been in town, and a mysterious figure from an all-time classic yarn on the podcast has re-emerged in an incredibly surprising way... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Melanie Bracewell and Ray O'Leary. You can support the podcast over at patreon.com slash littledumdumclub. Get yourself two bonus mini episodes per week, always with great special guests and heaps of fun. And the whole back archive available now if you get on there. You can find the link at littledumdumclub.com. We'll talk to you more at the end of this episode. But until then, enjoy this great new one with Melanie Bracewell and Ray O'Leary. Hey, ladies.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again to the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome onto the show, Mel Bracewell and Ray O'Leary. Yeah.

Yes. Hello, friends. I just wanted to have some positive energy Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Nice

We're in Ray you're in First time on the show And we're in your Bedroom already My god so easy You slut Alright let's

Let's just stick with Dickhead please Alright thank you very much Yep We're in your hotel room Which we've been to Look this is the bit of inside baseball. Anytime someone's appearing and been flown in to have you been paying attention,

they put them up in this hotel, which is, on this show, notoriously very small. You guys are sitting on the bed. We're sitting on the floor slash tiny little chair. Oh, you're complaining about the chair, are you? I'm in the best seat of the house this is a weird way of podcasting where it's like I'm sitting here

and you all are literally looking down on me so it really does feel like anything I'm bringing to the table there's a lot of pressure on well to be fair I should be I should be sitting on the ground

because then we could sort of accurately have the hierarchy of comedy in this country represented you guys looking right down on the two podcasters seeing two people on TV.

Yeah, we've been just talking shit before the pod. Ray's been dishing out a lot of goss on Australian comedians for someone who's been here three times. Ray's now my favourite Melbourne comedian. He's got deep knowledge. He was dropping references to comedy rooms hub groups on

Facebook. He's deep in. Most of it isn't gossip. It's rumours I'm trying to get out. Oh, sure, sure. In the lockdown, we did like a pub quiz that we all wrote around ourselves. And Ray's round was on New Zealand comedy gossip. Oh, yes.

That's great. Really? Yeah. Well, it was just for us. It was just a private thing. But it was like, who famously got in trouble in the chat in 2017? And I was like, I was so focused. So we're not even about New Zealand comedy,

just group chat. Group chat gossip. Or like, you know, the... There's a big comedy Facebook page in New Zealand, which Melbourne's got one. Yep. Yeah, and just, you know, every now and then just someone kicks off drama.

And every comedian sees it, and then, yeah, I did a quiz about it. In fact, I think of someone who's been, sorry, there's a half-naked man just out here, so I was just calling the attention of that. Yeah, no, sorry, I'm just the top half. Oh, the top half. Boring.

Oh, wow. Oh, no, he's, okay. I don't know why I got up so quickly. Yeah, you stood up there. We're burying the lead here. He got out of, he's just gotten out of the pool. Oh, damn. Okay, no, he's... Okay. I don't know why I got up so quickly. Yeah, you stood up there. We're bearing the lead here. He's just gotten out of the pool. Oh, okay. There's a pool.

Okay. There is a pool. Okay. You've really sexed up the story there. I was about to get into the South Yarra group chat. But yes, are you about to say a famous New Zealander who's been mentioned on the show before? Not famous.

Well, famous to us. Also hasn't been mentioned his name. No, no, but we've skirted around him. Is it a thing where, like, are we not allowed to say his name or could I say his name and you just have to go and edit it later? I'm just causing unnecessary work for you. I'm happy for you to say it, but he's the one that's got to edit it. He's New Zealand's Voldemort.

Can we make up a fake name so that we can talk about him without Tommy having to edit? Yeah, what's a good pseudonym for him? Johnny Kiwi. Johnny Kiwi. Okay, Johnny Kiwi. Johnny Kiwi. Is that cool?

Who's Mother Teresa? Mother Teresa. Okay. Mother Teresa, Johnny Kiwi, whatever you like. You can say it. I'm not going to be madwi, whatever you like. You can say it. I'm not going to be mad if you say it and I have to. No, well, I'm so tempted to cause you to just do unnecessary. Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

My four children are all in the hospital at the moment, so I'm pretty busy and they're visiting them during the week. But if you want me to take time out of that. Well, it sounds like you're spending a lot of time in waiting rooms. Oh, yeah. It sounds like you want something to do. You get the lappy out, a bit of interference with the fucking machines

That they're plugged into Take your mind off the horrible illnesses Yeah that's true All in your kids You're welcome Yeah you're welcome Also you say you've ditched your four sick kids To come and record a podcast

With New Zealand's Ray O'Leary of course I don't want to get I don't want to get slammed in the New Zealand group chats For not having you on the pod Apparently this guy's four kids are fucking more important Than the guy that's been on Have You Been Paying Attention three times. Wow.

Four times. Nice. Yeah. One time for every one of my kids. But yeah, were you about to say something about this specific? Did you have a question in the... There was a question about him.

And in fact, I wonder if this is oblique enough but his drama got so big that it was even mentioned on one of our panel shows do you remember oh okay

nice do you remember the question you're doing open mic gossip on your panel shows in New Zealand it was it was like there was like a reference to it

in a way that only the comedians watching the show would understand it but it was about like comedy gatekeeping or something like that ah nice because actually the guy who books the classic he was like this guy is gatekeeping comedy right like that's his job yeah yeah he books people yeah yeah and he has this frustrating habit of only booking good comedians and I've always had a bone to pick with them. He keeps the gate closed for psychopaths.

It's pretty fair. Yeah, we need gatekeepers. That's how gates work. Why do we have gates if not for that? Someone's got to be standing next to the gate making sure it's closed. That is a very funny thing to complain about gatekeepers. Like, alright, well you have

rabid dogs fucking biting you every time you hang your head out the window or whatever. Well, hey, here's something you can take back to the New Zealand comedy group chats. I was just sitting out there just having a drink

just before I came here, ran into a friend of mine who people, you know him, Carl, the guy who made the dicky knee for us in last week's episode. Yes.

Just kind of chatting to him and I said, oh, I got to head off and do the pod and he was like, oh, who's on? And I was like, oh, Mel Bracewell and Ray O'Leary for the first time. and I said, I've got to head off and do the pod. He was like, who's on? I was like, Mel Bracewell and Ray O'Leary for the first time.

He said, oh wow, that's awesome. Love Ray O'Leary, love watching him on Have You Been Paying Attention? My wife has a big crush on him. There you go. What? What a great response. And he

loves me. It sounds like you're in because the husband is wasting his time making Yeah, nice. What? What a great response. And he loves me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sounds like you're in because the husband is wasting his time making dicky knee dolls. So fucking, yeah, well, he's preoccupied wasting his life. Famous home wrecker, Ray and Mary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I will ruin, I will wreck their relationship.

Yeah. Unfortunately, I think the wife has a thing for big bedrooms, so I think you should. Yeah. and I will wreck their relationship. Unfortunately, I think the wife has a thing for big bedrooms, so I think you should. So, yeah, that have you been paying attention hate. There's people Monday nights just sweating up a storm watching Ray O'Leary. Yeah, it's just my natural sex appeal, and I think it comes through. Sorry, I don't mean to retread old...

What is the sticky knee? Oh, sorry. A famous puppet from a TV show here. We had a show, and look, I'm really sorry, but we've explained this show so many times to people over the years. Hey, Hey, It's Saturday. It was the panel, not really a panel show, a variety show. It was comedy, but there was one million things going on.

If you look back at it now, it's insane. All the things happen at the same time. There's a narrator. There's someone putting captions on the screen. There's puppets popping up. There's a special sound effect guy. There's a cartoonist. There's a cartoonist as well. There's a band that on the screen. There's puppets popping up. There's a special sound effect guy. There's a cartoonist. There's a cartoonist as well.

There's a band that yell out whenever they want. Oh, I almost forgot. There's a pink ostrich sitting on the desk talking the whole time as well. It's like a fever dream of a show. It's awesome. It's a chat show where there's eight separate entities that all have the button where whenever they want, they can just interrupt the show and do whatever they want. It's live.

There's no screening process. It's literally like, oh, I've drawn a little cartoon of the host with his head in a toilet. Push the button, that's on screen now. It's actually kind of a sick format. If you boil it down to its essence. So anyway, Dickie Nee was but one of those components where it was just like a little dunny brush with a hat on

would pop up from the bottom of the screen and start talking to the host. And that was narrated by someone else as well. So we got one of them for our live show last week. We pretended we had the Italian brother of Dickie Nee called Ricky Nee. And you can see how that's funny already. That rhymes. We'll put it this way.

This is how well the show went last week. That was a live show that we did. Afterwards, one of the people working at the bar said to me after the show came up and went, Hey, Carl, do you still do comedy? That's a nice little review. Unbelievable. I'd be mean to ask you the same thing. And what was your response?

I just went, Cunt, what was that? Yeah. I just, that was that. I see you've moved into tragedy. Enough with all these serious interviews. Yeah, enough with all this stand-up drama you're doing on stage. This was for a show that we held last week. We had the first ever Australian Comedy Hall of Fame that we set up in honour of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

which isn't as prestigious as it might sound. It's just like some people one day went what if there was that? So by all means if you guys want to go back to your home country

and start up the New Zealand comedy I would love this is what I want. I want the idea to be franchised out. I just want this like all corners of the world two fuckheads

in every comedy scene just go let's just start up a bullshit Hall of Fame and just induct our mate into it. The only thing is, the only fly in the ointment here is that we did it because we've got nothing better to do. These two people have got careers. I think there's a certain someone that we were talking about before who would be very

fired up about a New Zealand comedy hall of fame. I want to know about the questions in the quiz of the open mic gossip. What's one of the questions? Can you remember one of them? What was one of the questions? No, I've forgotten a few because I started mentally preparing a second quiz in my head with the drama that's happened since. Oh, yeah.

Give us a preview. Give us a preview then. Oh, one was going to be... Mel, do you remember? It was going to be... There mel do you remember it was going to be um there was an open another open mic comic yeah got mad at a female comedian because she mentioned she had been on tv and yes at her tinder bio and it was good he did this insane unhinged rant about like what the fuck is wrong with this woman mentioning being on TV. And also she's not funny or good or whatever.

It was really, really insane. He obviously swiped right and did not. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I'm even thinking about it now. I'm pretty sure I've heard he's married. Oh, is he? Why did he say you heard Tinder?

Yeah. Oh, my God. It's because I ended his relationship. I'm with his wife now. That's right. Great. Wife had a crush. Why wouldn't you put that you've been on TV and you're Tinder bio?

It's all I've got going for me. Or if you want to be more subtle about it, you could just have one of the pics is like a screenshot from your appearance on TV. Oh, yeah, that's great. That's what it was. I think that's what it was. She just had one photo.

One time, my friends will have seen this to me occasionally, my single female friends. There was a guy in Auckland who took it. What an odd phrase. Single female friends. Your SFS, yeah. You've got them all categorised. That's nice. So single female friend single female friend got them all categorised so single female

I'll still talk to them as soon as they get into a relationship they drop out drop down yeah I thought you start talking to girls

once they're married by the sound of it yeah that's the ones that like you but I got this message and it was a guy had taken a photo with me after a show

and put it on his tinder profile sick and I remember just thinking if photos of me worked on tinder i would not be single oh my god i've just found this guy on facebook and his most recent status is pretty funny comedians who cancel gigs because they didn't sell enough tickets are the worst kind of pussies this guy has soldiered ahead with a one-person gig or something. Oh, yeah, that's great. Immediately posted. Man, you're complaining about the wrong things.

Yeah, there is nothing more relieving than hearing that a show has sold few tickets and they've got to cancel it. Yes. Especially when you were just about to get in the car, you're like, all right, I'm off the hook here. I feel like I've had a podcast listener send me a screenshot of someone's Tinder and it's like a photo of this person and me,

like a big podcast fan who's on Tinder. They've gotten a photo with me and they've put that in the mix of their Tinder photos and it's like, who is that? That is like the smallest sliver of the population. But you know what? For the person it works on, good for you. If that gets you a route, then fucking great.

Let us know. That's exactly what my friend said to me. She was like, well, the people are just going to think that's just a guy and his mate. This is just Andy. No one's going to be like, did you meet Ray O'Leary? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man.

So, yeah, nothing going on for you on Tinder. No, no, sorry. No, sorry. We are in a very small radius right now? No, no, sorry. No, sorry. We are in a very small radius right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tommy's put us down to one metre. I've scanned the hotel room. Well, I mean, I'm trying to get down to brass tacks with you

because, you know, I hadn't met you before this pod. Yeah. When we were in the, much like the bartender at the Comics Ranch, you asked me if I do stand-up. So my reputation once again precedes me. This is nice. This is just us getting, this is like a first date. We're getting to know each other.

The guest on your own show is like, who are you? Yeah, literally. Now get on the floor. Lie down on the ground. Hang your head out the window. I'm looking at our set-up as well. We haven't even moved the table in the floor. Lie down on the ground. Hang your head out the window. I'm looking at our setup as well. We haven't even moved the table in the middle. It's blocking Carl's view of you.

I've seen him enough. It's fine. I get it. No, I moved that out of the way so that I could sit here in the corner on the floor. I've also made myself be in the corner. Well, New Zealand Open Mic Comedy, we talked to Mel last time she was on about

one of our favourite new zealand comedians that we were just mentioning before but that's what i haven't said to you before i can't remember what stories we did last time but i do remember this thing this this stand up and we both know who this is now right this is johnny kiwi yeah right when he first moved to australia and when he first went to move to mel, he sent me a big email explaining himself and explaining his career and all the great things that he'd done and whatever. Was it a short email? More of a tweet.

Speaking of, I've seen him run a sponsored tweet of just one of his jokes. It was the most insane. I've never seen anybody ever do something like that i love that move yeah you get so used to on the social media thing saying like you know like suntory coffee like pops up and it's like okay well this is an ad and then it's just like one random person's photo of a dog and it's like my girlfriend just had my phone the other day and she had just a pic of our dog on my instagram and i caught her like trying to sponsor it because all my account stuff is just like pre-loaded in there i'm like what are you doing of our dog on my Instagram, and I caught her trying to sponsor it.

Oh, wow. Because all my account stuff is just preloaded in there. I'm like, what are you doing? And she's like, I just thought it would be funny if people just started seeing an ad for just our dog. There's nothing that you're getting out of it. It's literally just like, I thought it would be cute to put him into more people's timelines.

I'm more freaked out by the fact you're just giving your phone to your girlfriend, just letting her have it. Like, doesn't that make you feel a bit... I didn't know this was happening. I just had it next to me and she was like... What does Tommy messaging that his girlfriend can't see? Well, I don't know.

Like, everyone likes a little bit of privacy. Yeah, no, this is... I am a bit like just... Because it's spending a lot of time around people like you, Carl, who it's like you get the phone and then it's like straight on to fucking, you know, Twitter, Facebook, whatever. So it's like my girlfriend will be like,

oh, can you show me that photo that you took of the dog? And she'll have the phone, you know, looking at the photo. And then within 10 seconds I'm like, all right, time to hand it on back. She's like, what have you got to hide here on this phone? And it's like, no, this is deep conditioning of years around other comedians and just general fuckheads and also just like today i was literally at the park with my wife and uh she was on uh she's with our child and then i sat down and got a text message and i was replying to it and she sort of snuck open snuck up and looked over my shoulder and went what are you doing and i'm like i went to i went to sort of like take it away so she couldn't see and she's like what are you trying to hide i'm like, I went to, I went to sort of like take it away so she couldn't see it.

And she's like, what are you trying to hide? And I'm like, look, this is what I'm trying to hide if you really must see. It's me and this is how

two grown adults talk to each other and just showed her and it was like, she's like, oh my God, that's horrifying. I'm like,

yes, I'm a fuckhead. All my friends are fuckheads. You don't need to read this. You'll think less of me and my friends. And she's like, yes,

I do already. Like she read that and went, why is he talking like that to you? And I'm like, we're mates. And that's how mates talk or whatever, apparently. You're a big fan of the voice memo to convey either business or pleasure. And fuck, I hate it because it's like I'll be on the couch with my girlfriend and see like, you know, one minute long voice memo. And then like, so I'll have to go like leave the room

to listen to it in another room, send a message back, come back, get a follow-up voice memo. And she's like, where do you keep going? And I'm like, the stakes of me playing this in front of you are too high. I'm like 90% sure it's just something to do with the pod. But if it's not, this is like, this is all my stuff in a suitcase out the front of the house kind of level. This is more like I'm not allowed in your house anymore, I think, if the pod's over.

Yeah, sorry. Where were we? So Johnny Kiwi, he sends this email to me basically pitching, this is his IMDB of open mic comedy. This is what I've done this is what i'm going to do in the future i'm in town i want this i want that to happen i want to come and play your club blah blah gets to the end doesn't spell his name properly oh yes miss spells his name yes yes you did say this last time i think maybe you told it maybe you told

it after the show oh maybe yeah i don't know if it was on the air. It's frustrating because it's like, to really get the joy of the story, we need to know, because the specific misspelling makes it so. I don't know if this is too much detail, but his name is three syllables. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was just two letters switched around, which just really changed the name. Really opened it right up. It made it really funny, and then I called him that name forever onwards. We had a guy at my school. I've told this before, but we had a guy at my school. His name was Charlie Ryan, and he handed in a test that he'd done, and he'd just written C, Ryan.

And then when the tests were marked my teacher was like handing them all back and he's like looking at this piece of paper and he's like who the hell is Cran and he like left the Y out of his own name so he said C R A N and so just like that happening in like year seven where it's like guess what you are being called for the next five years Cran yeah that his name is Cran and you found something even better to call him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, being that old and, yeah, getting your own name.

Like, especially when it's like handwriting it down. Yeah. That's the crazy thing. I mean, this one with you, it's like, yeah, I don't know, he's like type dead, and he hasn't proofed it, and it's like, and then it's gone. But you can't be doing that. Like, your name, you can't be doing it. Like, that's the last thing you're allowed to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think he's ever read back anything he's written. In his life. Yeah. I think everything is like a stream of consciousness. Enter. Like, he presses the enter button with no thought. He's Jack Kerouac.

Yeah. Yeah. Typing, not writing. You would have to assume that it's like, yeah, if he's casting a little proofread over it, it's like, this is an absurd amount of time to be going on about a woman's feet. I don't know if I should be chucking this on the book. I guess I hope this isn't too inside-bottom for people at home.

He's slowly revealing who he is. He loves feet. He can't spell. But this is how comedy works for people at home, I guess. It's not all people on TV. There's also these people. No, it's not just me and Mel. Exactly. There's me and Carl. There's me and Tommy. No, it's not just me and Mel. Exactly.

There's me and Carl. There's me and Tommy. And then we dig deep to find someone lower than us. That's why we're celebrating this guy. Yeah, people think the comedy that punches down is pretty lowest common denominator. But it's like, fuck, when you're us, do you know how hard you have to work to find someone to punch down on? Exactly. And then we have to spend ten minutes explaining who this person is because, of course, no

one's heard of him. Yeah. Fucking hell. Saying ScoMo's fucked, easiest thing in the world. Everyone gets it. Everyone knows who that is. Yes. We're having to do 10 minutes of context.

Yes. Well, what about this? So this is a guy from... You've got a comedy festival show coming up. It's 45 minutes explaining who this guy is. It's just detailing a friend, friend all set up and then one great gag about him at the end. That would be good actually if you did a show where it's like

I'm going to tell you all the secrets of stand-up comedy. People are coming in going, oh, what's Peter Hellyer really like? No, no, no, this cunt that did stand-up once he had a fucked head. He's Richie Beno impersonation. No good. Oh no, more clues. There was a guy, there was a guy.

So there was a – I want to do a really brief retelling of this story that was quite a famous story on this podcast from about 200 episodes ago. So there was a guy who – how will we tell this? How am I telling this story? I don't know what the story is. Well, yeah. Very famous story. I'll try to help you tell it. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah how's it start no so i used to run a comedy gig in st kilda and then i stopped running it and about two years

later like someone started messaging the page to go can i have a gig and clearly the page says uh the show's no longer running the profile picture was like the poster that said last ever show. Yes. And it was like from two years ago or whatever. And this guy's hit me up to go, oh, I want a gig, thanks. And I just found that quite absurd that you can see on the page, it hasn't been on for years. And he's going, oh, I'll do a gig, thanks.

And so I just started messaging back and forth with him going, oh, no worries. I'll book you this Saturday night for 55 minutes in St Kilda. Come down. And he, trying to fast forward the story, but it was like a lot of back and forth and him going, I can't do that long. I'm like, no problem.

You can do 50 minutes. And then just, and bring Dave Hughes because he can do five minutes, I'm pretty sure, because I've seen it on the gala and we can't trust him to do any more. And it went back and forth for hours and hours. Was this a day where your wife was like, what are you messaging?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is why. All right, fine, here. Yeah. So it just went back and forward for hours and hours. Was this a day where your wife was like, what are you messaging? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, fine. Here. So it just went back and forth, back and forth. And at the time, this is when, like,

I was getting annoyed a lot because a lot of people, because I was running gigs, I was doing the podcast, I had everyone's phone number in stand-up. So then anytime anyone needs anyone's phone number,

they'd hit me up and go. Ray has every single woman's phone number. As long as they're single, he's got their number. I would keep getting messages from everyone and phone calls from everyone. And they would go, oh, I really need someone to do a gig. What's Ray O'Leary's number? And like, you know, whatever. So they would tell me they had work and then go, oh, this is not for is for someone else and i'm like man i'm just getting this every day so i started

a new thing where i had the phone number of this open micah and i would just give his number out instead and go no it's like oh i need jim allen's phone number no problem here's this guy's number instead so this guy was just getting so many phone calls and just people going, man, you don't sound very Irish, Jemelon. Imagine if this guy had the talent. Imagine if this guy could have been like the next big thing. This is a great film. You're like the villain.

You start this and then this guy becomes massive. Yeah. So he was getting a lot of opportunities given his way and then halfway through the conversation going, hang on, you're not Denise Scott. Yeah, yeah. Jamal, and I've got to say, it's cool that you put the accent on on stage, but I feel like you can't align with the people. Yeah, yeah.

So anyway, so part of this back and forth with this communication was me going, the person going, so what's your name, the guy that runs this gig, and what's your phone number? And me going, my name is Rick blah blah blah here is my phone number

throw this guy under the bus yet again right so anyway it went back and forth and back and forth we talked about this with Hughsey and whatever anyway so

we talked that was always funny this guy was a great reference for years and years anyway I went to a indoor childcare playroom thing yesterday and

like an indoor playroom and um literally but just before i'd been recognized on the street by like a dumb dumb listening come up with oh cool so i go in there playing with a kid and this guy keeps looking at me i I go, okay, here we go. Dumb, dumb listener. And he keeps looking at me. So then it happens about three, four times. And then I get close enough where he just comes up and goes, Carl. And I go, yeah, man.

Yeah. How are you? And he goes, yeah. Got the pen out ready for an autograph. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, yeah. Remember me? And I go, that's never a good time.

No, I know. Yeah, I know. That's like you notice the hand is like inside a jacket pocket, that's never a good. No, I know. Yeah, I know. That's like, you notice the hand is like inside a jacket pocket, like pulling out a weapon. Yeah. And he's like, remember me?

And I go, um, and he goes, you don't remember me, do you? And I go, I'm going to say absolutely not. And he goes,

it's from, you know, from comedy. And I'm like, man, it doesn't narrow it down. This is a top five worst set up to an interaction. Remember me is like the worst way. Yes. From comedy. And I'm like, man, it doesn't narrow it down. This is a top five worst set up to an interaction. Remember me is like the worst way you can kick off an interaction.

Yes, from comedy. Remember me from work? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, from comedy. And he goes, you don't remember me, do you? And I go, that's very clear. Absolutely not. I do not.

And he goes, it's me, Rick, blah, blah, blah, from comedy. And I'm like, oh, my God. I have not seen this guy for 14 years, but I've given out his phone numbers to so many people in the last 14 years. Yeah, I'm bad with faces, but I'm good with numbers. It's me, 041. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course.

Ricky knee. This guy I've been giving out numbers to, I'm suddenly face-to-face with him, and I absolutely shit myself Because then he's like He's like yeah And he's like But now Like from what I remember

14 years ago He was like this rail thin Like tiny little guy A young guy And whatever And that's why I'm very happy With throwing him under the bus

Now this guy Is absolutely fucking ripped And huge Really? That is so funny You've done that thing Where you've just like Frozen him in time in your head Yeah Where he's like Going to but also it's like he's been he's the person who's been

jilted and he's gone home and he's done yes yeah like done a montage sequence yeah he's like comedy's right katie from kate fear he's gone to prison yeah yeah yeah yeah so now he's ripped and he looks tough as and i'm like and he's like like still angry tough as, and I'm like, and he's like, like still angry about me. Well, not angry, but like not wrapped to like see me. Cause I don't know who the fuck he is. So he's like, yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing? I'm like, oh man, I'm just fucking looking after my kid here. You know?

I'm like, he goes, yeah, yeah. It's your kid. Yeah. Yeah. There's a rough energy to someone that you bump into that doesn't do comedy anymore when they, when they work out that you still do do it. You know what I mean? There's so much ill will of like,

oh, the industry didn't fucking support me and everyone, and it's a cunt. Anyway, what are you doing? Still that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm not giving any details away at all. I'm on the super defensive because I'm going, what? That's pretty smart not to give them your phone number.

You keep their details to yourself. Yeah, I'm like, what's going to happen here? Because he's not happy. He's just sort of like drilling me a little bit going, yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing here? And what else are you doing? I'm like, oh, man, yeah, not much. Yeah, just looking after my kid.

And if anything happens to me, of course, the kid goes hungry. So it's all good. So he's then going yeah i haven't i haven't done comedy for a long time yeah i haven't done it for years and years i'm like yes you're not getting any calls about comedy or anything like that still no one's ever ringing you up offering you anything i had to quit my phone was just ringing so much i never got the time to write any material i knew that was what i needed to do imagine that if he was just like yeah i quit because I kept getting opportunities

and halfway through the call I was losing them. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Really wrecked my faith in my personality. But then he goes, yeah, it's funny to see you actually

because... Oh my God. Yeah. I actually just was starting to think about comedy again like a couple of days ago and I just started

writing jokes again. Come back. There's always a comeback. Yeah. I just started writing jokes out of nowhere again always a comeback Yeah I just started writing jokes Out of nowhere again And now I see you It's like oh wow

Maybe it's meant to be Sort of thing He's so strong The pencil breaks And he's like Trying to write a gag It's like Before people didn't care

About not laughing at me They thought What's he going to do But now that I'm fucking ripped How dare they not laugh They'll laugh out of fear They'll be threatened Yeah

So then he starts doing that And goes He walks out on the stage Goes remember me now that I'm fucking ripped, how dare they not laugh at me? They'll laugh out of fear. They'll be threatened. Yeah. So then he starts doing that and going, he walks out on the stage and goes, remember me? That is such a good opener. That is the best opener. If you're not famous, it's funny. If you are famous, it's funny. Like, usually walking up to the mic and going,

remember me? Remember me from comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember me? Remember me from comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember me! Also, because comedians have got that real thing of like, if you play a room, for some reason they've got it in their head that the same people are going to be there the whole time. Yeah.

The same people are going to come back over and over. So that'd be great if you made his comeback and did that. Remember me? You guys were here 14 years ago. Yeah, I'll get you back. that, remember me? You guys were here 14 years ago. Yeah, I'll get you back. It's like, anytime you run into a guy

like this, there's always a comeback on the horizon. Like, you never run into a guy who stopped 10 years ago who's like, you know, it just wasn't good for me and honestly, the thought to do it again hasn't crossed my mind once. I'm actually really enjoying Edmund.

You always seem to catch these people on the precipice of the comeback. Maybe it is just seeing you kind of makes them go. Just seeing someone else that they remember from comedy makes them go. Yeah, this is the universe giving me the sign. It's time to go back in. And I'm still scared. And I start calculating because he goes, yeah, I'm thinking about doing it again. And I've been writing this stuff this week and whatever. Yeah, if only i just need to sort of know what what what gigs are there

these days do you know what gigs there are around these days and quickly i'm calculating going fuck actually i think he stopped comedy just before i started running comedy room so he doesn't have that information great i'm a gatekeeper so i'm like oh and like so where do i go these days i'm like oh yeah i just dabble myself i don, so where do I go these days? I'm like, oh yeah, I just dabble myself. I don't really know what's open these days. I don't know what's going on.

Oh, you quit over the course of this conversation. No podcasts, no gigs, no rooms. I just watch it on TV, man.

Yeah, yeah, that's enough for me. Yeah, I don't really know what's going on. I just riff over the top of have you been paying attention at home. That gives me my fix.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just say to my wife, I would have said something funnier than this guy from fucking New Zealand. Meanwhile, my wife is going, well, I'd rather fuck him than you.

Yeah, Tom Gleisner gives the question and I mute the TV. I've got my zinger and I unmute it just in time for the round of applause. I'm on cloud nine. I'm just saying to my wife while the TV is going,

I mean, I could get on this show if I was from New Zealand as well. I mean, that's all they book these days anyway. Maybe if I put on an accent. Great. So you think this guy bought it? Yeah, well, he doesn't know any better. He's like, and then he starts.

Even if he listened to this podcast, he wouldn't know Carl Dippin's comedy. It does sound a little bit like he knows full well. You know, he was like testing you. Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't know. He's still following you on socials. I don't know what i don't know what information he has i don't know whether he knows that i'm the one that's been making sure he gets a call a day offering him ten thousand dollar corporates and then he gets dumped you know halfway through when they

they figure out that he's not nazim hussein yeah true true so so that happens i'm just like i'm absolutely out of comedy apparently yeah oh, yeah, I don't know. I don't know how that works anymore. Do you have to change child care centres? Man, well, that's it. I immediately start going, so do you come here often? You're trying to pick them up now. Yeah, was he there with a kid?

What was his? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, right. Right, right. So then he's going, yeah, yeah, I come here all the time. This is like literally the second time I've ever been there. And I'm in there going, this is a great place. I'm going I come here all the time this is like literally the second time I've ever been there

and I'm in there going this is a great place I'm going to come here all the time and he's like yeah I come here every Saturday morning and I'm like

well that's when I was planning on coming here so then I'm like fuck I cannot come back here it's back to the park even if it's raining so yeah too bad

we just bring an umbrella for an hour so I'm like backing out of it and the whole thing is it's not that big of a playground. So we keep running into each other. And my kid starts playing with his kid.

I'm like, man, can you fucking just get away? I'll buy you a milkshake or whatever the fuck has happened. Your kid gets that kid's number. I was going to say, hey, darling, if you're going to play with him, at the very least, you've got to bully him. You've got to carry on the family lineage. Wow. Yeah, so then i'm constantly running into him like man you you got to break up with this other kid you can't be friends with him then it gets to a point where i'm like he goes honestly the fifth time i run into him we have to make small talk about comedy again i'm like he goes

oh yeah we better go i'm like yeah you better'd be great. Yeah, if you take off now, great. So then he goes, and then I'm like, great. So then there's another parent there that I've been talking to that I'm quite friendly with now. And so that guy's like, oh, who's that guy you're talking to? I'm like, oh, man, this rotten open mic. He was so bad. And then I'm sort of like stitching him up

for the last couple of years and whatever. Yeah, it's a long, weird comedy story. You probably wouldn't understand. It does sound a lot like bullying in hindsight, but I promise you it's funny to all of my friends and me. And it starts telling the story. That's what bullying is. It's fun to the people doing it.

Me and my gang of cronies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, anyway, I'm only telling you this. Anyway, thank God he's gone. And the guy's like, oh, he's not gone. He's just there. What are you talking about? He's behind me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's just behind me. And then I'm like, oh, fucking hell. And so then I keep running into him again like another couple of times. But then I'm just going, fuck, he was like a meter behind me. But there's lots of kids yelling and there's bits and pieces happening. I'm like, did he hear all of that? I don't know.

He's the guy who saw a page that said this show is cancelled and didn't. No, no, no, he's not that guy. Oh, he's not the same guy? That's a different guy. That was an example of like I was giving, even that guy, I was giving his phone number out too. Oh, okay. Right, right, right, right.

I see. Okay. I've tried to text you before and so I got a very odd response. Yeah, you're giving me the wrong number. So now I already thought maybe he might have been angry with me and now he's got a much bigger chance of being angry with me and he's fucking ripped as well. You reckon he was close enough? He was a meter away. I don't know.

Those places are pretty noisy. That's what I'm saying. Lots of kids screaming. That's what I'm saying. Terrible acoustics in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. Very echoey.

So I'm already hiding the fact that I run gigs from him and now I'm, now I don't know where I sit with him whether he's got the whole backstory of what I know about him

and what I've been doing. Yeah. So you just, you can't, you just, Saturday's off the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saturday to my child now is, oh great, it's stay inside Saturday. Right.

So, yeah. Do you think, but when next week rolls around, do you think she'll be like, daddy, daddy, it's Saturday. Yeah. When are we going back to that fun indoor play center? Yeah, yeah. Well, what it is, is it's the, the other guy that has the, the other, the other dad that I was talking about that has the kids, we sort of do Saturday mornings with him.

So he'll usually dictate. He'll go, oh, it's too wet. Let's go to this place instead. I'm going to be the one going, no, I reckon you go there. I'm going to play in the rain, I think. Me and my kid are going on the swings in torrential downfall. Yeah, it's beautiful out there. La Nina.

It's tropical. It's vibrant. I don't think this guy would hold a grudge. I think you're safe. What's that? That's a beautiful red dot on your forehead, I have to say. Is it really? No.

Oh, damn. Boy, you really don't do comedy. You fully bought into your own lie. I thought your face was of like the most embarrassing thing could be. You had a red dot on your forehead. You were like, your face was like the most embarrassing thing could be. You had a red dot on your lip. You were like, oh my God. Why would I be bringing that up?

I don't know. I don't know. It's a sniper rifle. It's like as if it's a sniper rifle for anyone at home. Now I get it. For anyone at home. I love the idea

of someone still driving around like, I don't get it. What? The hot guy from the pool is mocking you. Maybe it could be him. That guy did look pretty ripped. Yeah, that guy was ripped.

That guy was ripped. Oh, fuck. Well, I am, yeah, I'm rapt to hear that this guy is back in the ecosystem. I know. I kind of love it. I know. So I really hope he doesn't come down a spleen and try and sign up for a deal or anything. Does this saga match anything from the world of New Zealand comedy gossip?

I don't think I've ever given out a random person's phone number, which meant I had to become a bad father. Yeah, yeah. It is very specific. Not super, yeah, not a lot of crossover with a lot of people, but is there like a, this is what I'd like to know, is there like a Carl figure of New Zealand comedy? Like is there someone that you can imagine pulling that stunt?

Or is there either that, who's the Carl and who's the Rick in New Zealand? Yeah, that's a good question. We might not, do we have a Carl? I don't think we have a Carl. I don't think we have a Carl. I think we're Carl-less. I think there's a Carl-sized hole in New Zealand. I've never been to New Zealand, but it's not a car. I think we're carless. I think there's a car-sized hole in New Zealand.

I've never been to New Zealand, but it's not really a place I think of as being like too much of a bully's paradise. You know what I mean? Like it does seem... Yeah, it's more sort of we bully each other because it's the tall poppy syndrome that comes into account so quickly. It's sort of we punch each other enough

that we don't get too full of ourselves. Yeah, right. Then we come to Australia and we're like, hold on a second, whoa! So there's not a Carla Quitt. You could relocate. You could set up shop there. There's an opening.

If this cunt wants to kill me, for sure. And I'll go the back door into getting booked on this country's Have You Been Paying Attention? If I go over there, get the accent for a couple of years, get on their show, come back here. It is unfair. It's like you guys get the open door a couple of years get on their show come back here it is unfair it's like you guys get the open door

to our shows I don't think any of the shows over there are that interested in having Aussies on that's it really I heard a story where because you know

have you been paying attention he's got a lot of New Zealanders on at the moment good for you good for you I'd describe it as a meritocracy but I did hear of a I did hear of a reasonably high-profile comedian

trying to get booked by the New Zealand Have You Been Paying Attention as the backdoor entry to get over here to this one. Oh, I think that's a vibe. And I hope they turned him down. So do the show over there, do well on it, and then thinking that that's going to get the attention of the producers. It's like an audition. Yeah, that makes a bit of sense. on it and then thinking that that's going to get the attention of the producers. It's like an audition.

By someone who doesn't live very far away from the recording studios of Abbeyman Bank Attention, has to go over to New Zealand, do it there, just to come back and get a gig maybe two kilometres from their house. Yeah, it's actually a good strategy. It is actually a good strategy. There has been at least one Australian comedian

that I'm aware of who did the New Zealand one and did it well and is on the Australian one now. Did the New Zealanders their first one? Yeah. Yeah, right. And do you think that being on the Australian one was a direct result of them doing well on the New Zealand one? I reckon so. Yeah, I think so. Damn, that's awesome.

And that's how I got seen by the Australian people. But not Mel, no, Mel did it on her own. I did seen by the Australian people. Yeah. Oh, not Mel. No, Mel did it on her own. I did it before the New Zealand one. Oh, yeah. Nice. You created a need for a New Zealand one over there.

Yeah. I think Ursula started it and then they were like, oh, hold on a second. Let's just, what's happening over here? And they rifled through and got me and Hayley. Yeah, and we're going to set up a New Zealand cheap seats as a sort of auditioning process. Oh, yeah, that's good.

That makes a lot of sense. I do like that, like licensing the show out to another country. And you're already getting some kickbacks from that. You're getting some money from that. But then you're also just keeping your eye on it, using it as your little breeding ground. As your little reserves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Double dipping. I should say that. A little academy over there. Yeah, yeah. A comedy farm. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty that. Academy over there. Comedy farm. Yeah. That's pretty good. Do you think we could get on any New Zealand shows?

What do you think? Absolutely. I think also, like, there are some. City Days has Aussie comedians on it all the time. Do you guys do stand-up? Is that a prerequisite? I hear that Australian stand-ups find it pretty tough over there right like news like we think oh cool a place where you can go where you know you're international

that's exciting but people over there are like the weird fuck off yeah the weird thing is one of the most like popular australian comedians in new zealand for a long time was chopper yes he was one of the biggest comedians in new ze. The character. He's not the real guy. Well, not the real guy, but he's Franklin who plays Chopper. No, but most people did admire the real Chopper. Yes, yes. But it was because when he started out, he was like a caricature of an Australian. And people were like, yeah, they are fuckheads, aren't they?

And so that got the momentum going. And so I wonder if that's fostered a hatred of Australia. So they like caricatures of Australia that make them look fucked. We could go all right over there, Carl. We don't even have to be characters. We just turn up as ourselves. It is a shame. We're not very exotic animals in many places now

because it's like the English think of us as vermin and New Zealand hates us. I think the US are tiring of us. There's really nowhere we can go where we get to play the international card that like British and American comedians

get to like, yeah. It's very rare that we can go anywhere and put the brackets AUS like after our name and that be a cool thing.

Yeah. Remember the first time, well, one of the first times we went to the States and like first night there we went to an improv show at the UCB

and we're thinking like, oh, this is, you know, this is, you know, this is at the time where we were like, this will be cool. Like Australia is a bit of an exotic breed in Australia and this girl got pulled out of the crowd for the show and it's like she got asked the question, like an improv cue was something like,

what's something that's really annoying? And she goes, Australians. And the whole crowd goes, yeah. And we're just sitting at the back like, what a great start to the holiday. I think they hate us here. Are you sure you're at an improv show and not a rally? Yeah, I felt like we were there as the tide turned

on Australia's international reputation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was us. Maybe we were the straws that broke the camel's back. Yeah, because in New Zealand, the whole thing, like, I don't know, I've met Australians who are like, oh, I'm Australian, but don't hold it against me. Ha, ha, ha, ha. And New Zealanders hate, or, like, I don't know. I've met Australians who are like, oh, I'm Australian, but don't hold it against me. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

And, like, New Zealanders hate or, like, you know, kind of jokingly hate Australians, but are, like, somewhat obsessed with Australia. What is that? I guess my thing is, do Australians think about New Zealand at all? Yeah, that's a problem. I found that where I was like, when I was leaving New Zealand to come here, like, family members, random people would be like,

give them a bit of shtick go over there and just bloody you know rough hours them a little bit then I get here and they're just sort of everyone's quite nice

no one cares we love you guys it's nice we love you until you started taking a job we loved you guys yeah

all the famous Australians love New Zealand people like Russell Crowe Crowded House all the famous Australians Far Lamp yeah, like Russell Crowe, Crowded House, all the famous Australians. Farlip. Yeah, Farlip. Farlip, love.

Oh, man, devastating. Well, it is nice to be out doing the pod on a Sunday evening. I've had a tense week. I've had – and the fellas listening will be able to get around this. Had the mother-in-law in town. I thought you were going to say had the mumps. The fellas will like this one. What even is the mumps?

The mump heads out there listening. Any mumpets? Is the mumps gone? I don't hear about mumps anymore. I think that was a vaccine you got was rubella mumps and something else. Oh, the MMR. Yeah. Mumps, measles and rubella. Rubella, yeah. Cont and something else. Oh, the MMR. Yeah. Yeah, mumps, measles, and rubella.

Rubella, yeah. Controversial. You say vaccines work. Okay. We've lost a few listeners. Not on this podcast. Is COVID the first one where people, like, were people, you know, were people, were there people cracking the shits about having to get the mumps?

Yeah. Jim Carrey was. Oh, you sweet summer child. I guess the difference wouldn't have been like, you know, in the fucking 20s or whatever when they were getting like smallpox vaccines. It wasn't like, you can't come into work if you don't. It was just like, yeah. You just died.

But also back then, you just listened to the doctors. What else is there? There was no alternative voices. Like, I was in grade, I don't remember in grade 2 getting a mumps vaccine and some little cunt going, nah, dad said this is no good. He's listening to this Rogan guy. Dad read on a Telegraph poll on a newsletter that this is no good.

You're right. It really was a utopia before podcasts existed. It was a much better world. But yeah, had the mother-in-law in town. Oh, fuck. I forgot this is where this came from. I thought you had mumps for a second. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, what is mumps? I've got to look this up. Is it contagious? I think it's like the same strain from measles, I feel like. Is measles still around? I think so. In some places. They've had outbreaks.

Yeah. They had an outbreak in... Yeah, but you're not meant to because the vaccine works. Right, right. A viral infection that affects... So you're saying if there are still mumps and measles around, the vaccine doesn't work. I feel like I imagine them being like big lumps.

Yeah. Just because of the name. Because they sound like lumps. I'm sure my sister got the mumps. Oh my God, this is the mumps. Whoa. Whoa. You turn into like Peter Griffin.

That's someone with a red dot on his forehead It's a bit embarrassing I'm not going to look again I've been fooled by it But no, I don't have the mumps Yeah, got the Live in the dream Got the mother-in-law over from Perth

Right Stayed with us for one night Right Slept on the fold-out couch Next to the gaming chair Behind the drum kit. Hang on, hang on. You did or she did?

No, she did. What? Are you supposed to offer your bed? Yeah. Well, me and my girlfriend sleep on the couch.

Oh, something like that maybe. I mean, that's what I would do, but I mean, I was raised right. No, you fucking wouldn't.

I wouldn't offer the bed. If you've got a bed that you have with your partner and there's like a couch, you're not going to – Top and tail. Yeah.

Yeah. You've sort of got it there, don't you? I don't know. I would offer the bed up because I can't have like a mother-in-law or my mother being on a couch. You can't – But it's a fold-out bed. Okay. It's a fold-out bed.

Put a mattress topper on it. That's fine. And it's like Probably like double bed size So it's like You'd be no hope of getting Two people in there But for like One person on there

It's fine Hey As someone who's been In the dog house A couple of times And slept on it I'll personally vouch for it Just doing my due diligence

That was after Carl's voice note But so yeah She was in town and Wednesday night we went to a play. My girlfriend's old housemate was in this play. We hadn't been yet and my girlfriend was like, oh, you know what? Let's go with mum. I'll buy the tickets. We'll go.

So Wednesday night we're driving down. It's at this like – it was in this old manor, which is like now a hotel. So it's kind of like a site-specific work where each scene is in like a different room of the hotel so you're kind of moving around these different rooms where all these scenes are happening and we're driving over there and i'm like hey um what i actually don't know anything about what what what is this show about like what's the what's the play about and my girlfriend's like i actually don't know either i assume because it's in like an old manor that it's maybe like a whodunit um i'll just look it up. And then she's reading the description and it's something like,

10 different strangers have conversations about love and sex and intimacy. And I'm like, all right, here we fucking go. The entire play, all about rooting. All of it. Non-stop. Simulations of sex on the bed. Like, sitting next to the mother-in-law, like, first line of the play is this woman going,

so are you going to fuck me or what? Just a fucking rough night. The single line was, remember me. Oh, God. I think she heard through the walls the night before as she was on the sofa bed. Yeah. And, like, what do you do?

You just... You're just stuck there, like, well, that's the thing. Like, if she'd been staying in our bed, then it would have been like, you know, hey, it's a bit of a, you know. Now, is this... Now, we were going to record a podcast the other day. Did this happen at the same time as you told me we were supposed to do a podcast and we couldn't but then you said man fuck my house is no good at the moment the water's off the toilet's not working no these are no you're you're converging two separate things there was a day where we were doing something

where i was like it actually could we do yours because i think that was the morning the mother in law was going to be there and my girlfriend had a job interview over Zoom. Right. But then there was also a day the other day where our water was off for the entire day. Well, that's what I was asking. Like, yeah, was she there when you couldn't go to the toilet? You couldn't have any water as well? No.

No. Okay, all right. But that was, yeah, getting the note in the mail. Hey, by the way, water's going to be off for all of tomorrow. So, you know, what you can do is fill up some buckets and stuff and it's like oh can we yeah is that an option thanks it's just they give you this bullshit thing where it's like maybe you could go to like maybe you could swim in the lake it's stuff like that it's like maybe you can go to a friend's house if you need to shower it's like

i mean i know what the options are you know what i mean so we do this thing before we go to bed where we fill up like every container in the house with water and then get up the next day. Water doesn't end up going off at all. Oh. Just on for the entire day. Right. So we just spent an hour before bed filling up like pots and pans and like bottles and

their kettle. How thirsty did you think you were going to be? Well, it was also like I'd cooked a curry the night before as well. And then we were like, what's this notice, by the way? It's like, oh, tomorrow is going to be rough. Like, no flushing toilet. Yeah. Good God.

Well, that was it. You were going to come over and do the pod, and then all of a sudden the pod got cancelled. I'm like, I don't feel too unhappy about that, because I got a feeling it was just going to be Dassler coming over and just turning all the taps on and shitting as much as he could all day and taking a shower. This would have been a riff on the pod if we had have done that pod, which got canned at the last minute. But if we had have done that, did have a towel in the bag. I was coming in locked and loaded, ready to get my mileage out of being in someone else's house. Fill up the water bottle, do all my toilet stuff, little rubber ducky in tow.

All my toilet stuff? All my toilet stuff. All my toilet stuff for the day. Well, should we talk about that briefly? We did cancel a podcast early in the week because we were going to have, I don't know if you guys know the comedian Chris Franklin. Do not know him. He sings I'm a Bloke.

That's it. That's it. You are tapped in Oh my god If you want to know All the Melbourne gossip You know where to go That's good Well we were going to do

A podcast with him And in hindsight Not the best idea Because we booked it For 9am A guy who notoriously Drinks slabs of beer At a time

And we booked him for 9am, and he was flying out back to Tasmania at 11am, and we tried to do it in that window, and then Tommy had to go and pick him up from Christmas, staying at the worst pub in Melbourne, maybe Victoria, maybe Australia, the Oxford, and then Tommy had to sit out the front of the hotel for an hour, hoping that

he was waking up in time. So I get there 10 minutes before I'd said I'd be there. I text him and I say, hey, mate, no rush, but I'm early if you're ready. I'm just parked across the street. And then it gets 10 minutes goes by, and then it gets to the time that he was meant to be coming down. No, not seen, no reply. I'm getting messages from you going, have you got his phone number?

And me going, no. Well, I mean, that could have panned out very differently. I could have been calling your bodybuilder friend from the trampoline centre. Yeah, I got this call. It's funny running into you because I actually got this call from a comedian friend of yours asking if I was at the Exford and ready to do the pod. You know what?

I've still got the number. I'm breaking it out again. I'm going to start doing it again. Yes, yes. I'm doing it start doing it again. Yes, yes. I'm doing it again. Do it. Yeah, bust it out. Yeah, there for an incredibly long time.

Yeah. Just, yeah. You know when you can see that the message on Facebook hasn't even been seen and you're just sitting there going, what are my options here? And also, I offered him, like as I organized it all with him,

I was like, do you want me to come get you i'll just i kind of basically go through the city anyway and he's like yeah that'd be great and then i kind of regretted doing that because i think if we had have been at your house with our second guest and he presumably just not showing up we would have just done something i reckon we would have just gone let's let's make lemonade here let's just let's just riff this out right we could have had one of the all-time great dum-dum fuck-up episodes where we're just losing our minds but now it's

lost to the ether yeah so yeah chris franklin blacklisted for life from the little club yeah i gotta say for like messaging him after an hour and being like man i i gotta go i'm sorry i've been sitting out here for an hour i I just got a message back saying like, oh, sorry, mate. I just woke up. I've got to say, not that apologetic. Not that apologetic

for just sleeping through a commitment for a full hour. I don't know. I was reading this. But like I said, it's on us for going. It's that thing where you tell me, you go, oh, we're going to do this.

I'm like, oh, yeah, fair enough. And then as we're waiting for him going what did we think was gonna fucking happen like of course he wasn't coming there was just something there was just something about it as soon as i pulled up i just knew yeah you know what i mean something in my head that's when it dawned on you this was very naive yeah meanwhile early we're all trying to organize this and you're having to go in to pick him up at 8 30 or or whatever. Meanwhile, I'm dumping my child at a crèche at the YMCA crèche

where they're like... Trying to get out of there before any of the men recognise you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm there. I'm doing the thing where... So there's a crèche

at the gym where it's like you put your child there if you're going to go and use the pool or work out or whatever and it's like you're not allowed

to leave the building and so I dump the kid and they go, okay, so you'll just be up at the gym. I'm like, absolutely, as I grab my car keys and run outside and drive home. Oh, my God. Because I have to do a podcast with Chris Franklin and then get home. It's like, oh, that's not happening at all. And they're going, well, I'm home already.

I might as well just hang out for a little while. Yeah. So there you go, folks, the truly lost episode of the Dumb Dumb Club. We had one once that got deleted somehow when we were at the radio station, but that did actually still happen in the room. This is a true lost to the ages. Yeah. What could have been.

Any Chris Franklin types in the New Zealand scene? I don't know who he is still, but Ray, you know? So he did a musical parody of the song I'm a Bitch by Meredith Brooks, I believe that's her name. Yes. You know, I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, and his was I'm a bloke, I'm an occult. Somehow made it more bogan, even though the original was called I'm a bitch. What if this song was rude?

There is that one musical comedian. I think i know who you're talking about who's sort of gone off the rails yeah yeah just sort of like um he had a this is his parody song he did recently at a gig you know this one right james mustafik was losing his mind it was um um i'm it was a parody of I'm Blue, but it was I'm gay, sucked a dick because I'm gay. Oh, my God. Oh, yes. Wow. That was the level of... Yeah, I know.

That's the level of... I feel like I'm on the couch listening to a voice memo from Carl. Yeah. Wow, the Concords are back. He's sort of a weird owl type. So to the tune of I'm blue double D double die Is that it?

I'm gay Sucked a dick because I'm gay I'm gay Sucked a dick because I'm gay I guess it Wouldn't it be Double D double die You'd have something to do with

A guy? Yeah Exactly Give me this guy's number And the actual number. I'll give you his number. He was pretty famous for a time in New Zealand. He was kind of on every gala.

Doing this song? I don't know. But I think that was his newest stuff. With the topical reference of blues. Yeah, yeah. New bop. So this is how I get on Have You Been Paying Attention Australia. I go over to New Zealand and pretend to be gay through the medium of song.

No, no, no. You don't need to pretend to be gay. I think you make it abundantly clear that you're straight. Damn it. I mean, thank you. Yeah. Yeah. But he was pretty successful.

And I remember I had just started comedy. All of these stories start with I just started comedy. And he was at the Classic. And – oh, no, no, no. He had added me as a friend on Facebook. And he had added me as a friend. And I clicked accept. I was like, oh, I know that guy.

And then I couldn't accept because he had like 5,000 friends already. Like he had way too many friends. Oh, right. And so he messaged me going, why didn't you accept my request? I was like, oh, you have too many friends he went i'll delete some so he deletes people from his friend list and then i accepted i'm like whatever never hear from him then i sent him the classic i went oh hey you're my facebook friend and he looked at me like who the fuck nice it was the most it's like remember me from Facebook the amount of effort

he put into being my friend on Facebook and then just seeing me go I don't know like sweet power move

I've had that happen to me once before as well years and years ago someone added me on Facebook friend requested and I was like

okay yeah vaguely they work in comedy and just really coincidentally that night I saw them at a gig and I did super lamely

sort of come up and go oh hey Facebook friend and they go and literally they turned around and walked away I'm like what the fuck is going on here

amazing yeah beautiful real life block yeah I was like I didn't request you you requested me

what happened in between the request and now that's made you walk away from me? Well, now you're in. They can play it cool now. Yeah. They don't have to go begging. They're like, whatever.

Yeah, you fell right into my trap. I like you more on the computer than in front of my face. Yeah, this is not so much. Yeah. All right. Well, we'd better. Oh, no, you go. I was going to ask.

The play with your mother-in-law. Yes. Was there an intermission? And what did you guys talk about? No intermission, but there were bits where we were having to walk between other rooms. But then at the end, yeah, it was like I saw that coming, so I did genuinely need to go. We all used restraint then.

Let the record show that. The three stooges all attempt to get through the same door at the same time. We got to the end. I did need to go to the toilet show that. The three stooges all attempt to get through the same door at the same time. We got to the end. I did need to go to the toilet really badly, so I just ran off to the toilet. To jack off. To jack off over the bit where two 60-year-olds simulated having doggy-style sex metres away from me.

You're so cultured. I would never have thought to go to watch that on purpose. I thought I had gotten out of the like having to give any kind of like, you know. But then we're in the car driving back and she's like, so yeah, what did you think? And I'm like, what's the right answer here? Like you can't be a prude, but you also don't want to be like, I thought it was fucking awesome. That was fucking sick. You'll be able to hear what I thought through the fucking walls tonight

when you go to bed. Well, it was so like then we get home and we're having a tea before bed and it's like me and my girlfriend just dying to talk about how bizarre and awkward this was. But you can't. And then we get into bed and, again, it's like, you know, not a big house. We're just having to have this whispered conversation where my girlfriend's like,

that was the worst experience of my life. And me raising her up being like, what are you going to organise for your mum tomorrow night? Tickets to the Spearmint Rhino. It's just like, just having this like, yeah, oh my God. I've got a cheaper option, the $2 peeps tomorrow night. All week it's been like, just having this like, yeah, oh my God. I've got a cheaper option, the $2 peeps tomorrow night. Yeah,

all week it's been like, oh, where's your mum? Down the club X. Did she get a taste for it at this horny play last night? But no, I genuinely did love it.

Great. It was really hot. Yeah, nice. Well, we better wrap it up for another week here on the little

Dum Dum Club. Ray O'Leary, Mel Bracewell, thank you very much for joining us. Peace out. Yeah. Ray? Thank you for sitting in my cramped hotel room. Yeah. No you very much for joining us. Peace out. Yeah. Ray?

Thank you for sitting in my cramped hotel room. No, thank you for having us. You've got things to plug coming up, Ray. You're going to be back next year to do the comedy festival you were saying? Yes, I'm going to be in the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I'm going to be in Sydney in a couple of weeks doing the store, if people were. Oh, so nice. But yeah, Melbourne Comedy Festival.

I'll be touring around Australia next year. Very cool. Ray's been doing my club, Basement Comedy Club, and ripping it up. Oh, cheers, Carl. Thank you. They loved my Remember Me. We've all got to do Remember Me at our next gigs. It's a great opener.

It is a good opener. I saw Carl today and I was like, I've got to get back into stand-up. What about you, Mel? You've got the cheap seats? Just the cheap seats. I think we've got a couple of episodes left for the year. I mean, I'm not doing a show next year. I don't think so, yeah.

So, is it 8.30 or 9.30? 8.30. But sometimes 8.45. It depends on if the traitors have been, I don't know, traitoring too hard. Oh, right. It just sort of depends on when the show before us wraps up. We'll check all that out.

Guys, thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, boy. A debutante. What? You sounded pretty unwell at the start of the episode. Oh, I can't remember.

Back that far. It was an hour ago. Man. Yeah. Yeah, hey, Bernie's kicked a big one straight over the Tasman. Yeah. Is that the one? Is that the sea?

Yeah, it is. It is. I always get confused. I always think twice because it's like, why wouldn't the Tasman be the one in between us and Tasmania? That would make more sense. Well, maybe it also is. I don't know.

That's best straight. That's best straight. I mean, to be honest, it's like 2022, Anywhere you're going for gigs or whatever you're flying, very little need to know what any of the oceans are actually called. Yeah, I thought you were going to say it's 2022. Get with the times. Bass Gay instead. The Bass LGBTQI.

No, yeah, great episode. Great to meet Ray formally. Look always happy to fit in with the needs of uh you know people who are in town to do have you been paying attention but good god i wouldn't mind never podcasting from that hotel again i don't like it i don't mind it it's all right it's like we've i mean you wouldn't want to have claustrophobia and do an episode there no not at all i mean yeah city i gotta say like trying to be funny while you're sitting on the ground with people literally looking down on you yeah it is it is

tough yeah it does get in your head it is a look i feel even worse for ray or whoever we do the episodes with because that it is a very small hotel room and i think if you have a bigger hotel room it's you feel a bit more comfortable with having guests but that one's like just too fucking small depends what kind of traveler you are too because we're talking during the day about like lining it up and we're like i guess the easiest thing is going to be to do it at raise it like we just assume it's like yeah he'll want that but i can also imagine a type of person that's like no you know what when i'm on travel i'm a pig like it's skitty central in the toilet.

There's fucking jocks all over the ground. Like I don't want to invite you in. It's the worst. Like, you know, sometimes you use that hotel room as like a, that's your little sanctuary. That's your little, like you look forward to going away so you can have that. It's all yours. It's just for you.

And then all of a sudden some podcasters come and go, can we take a shit in here or what? Yeah, not only that, like, oh, there's nowhere to sit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Complaining about being on the ground. Yeah, but no, hey, I hadn't met Ray before that ep. Lovely gentleman, very funny. Yeah.

Had a great time with him. Yeah. He just sent me a message. Beautiful new friendship. He sent me a message this morning because he's been doing a few gigs at my shows and sent me a message like with an invoice and whatever going, hey, just glad to finally, you know, get to the end of a run of gigs where I've done very badly

and just sort of, you know, better luck next time sort of thing. And I was like, oh, you know, I thought a couple of them were good. And then he was like, oh, that was a joke. I thought they were all good. Oh, man. A couple. Yeah, that's good. now he in his head is yes absolutely which were the yeah straight away he comes back and goes oh my god that was it

they were all good weren't they and i was like oh man i don't know i just this is pretty good a joke on a joke that then the person who started the joke that started the whole world crying and being like oh no yeah so um no i just didn't see some of the gigs. So it's like, man, relax, fine. Doesn't matter. You're a funny guy. I'm sure even like... You're from New Zealand.

You'll get booked on Have You Been Paying Attention Again. Unless Dame Kiri Tukwana's available or Dave Dobbin or whoever the fuck else they're going to put on there now. Well, he strikes me as a guy who like, I I'm sure even, like, the worst that he thinks he's done was probably still, like, fine, you know, in the grand scheme of how bad comedy can get. Yeah, yeah, maybe. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. No, fun times with those guys. What was I going to say? Oh, yeah, we talked about the guy that I met, the Rick. Everything is Rick that spawned a couple of hundred t-shirts at the very least. Yep. Everything Is Rick. Yep.

A lot of like being yelled. That's the funny thing, isn't it? It's like you meeting this guy and him having no idea. Not only that he's been talked about, but like there's merch about him. Yeah. There's like his name gets yelled at us at gigs. Should I?

Because this is the thing. This is the thing. I was going to go. When I was there, I was like, fuck i i wish i could take it i was going to take a surreptitious picture of him oh yeah just just you know to share i don't know with you know with people like you maybe not online because it's like well i think you could have gotten a selfie with him well that's it that's then once i left i was like what oh you know what i came up with the ideas afterwards. I was like, why didn't I get a selfie? If you had have been a bit less on the back foot and you could have been like conscious

enough to be like, yes. Oh man, it's fucking crazy to see you. You know what? I got to get a photo for it. Remember Sharky from Spleen? Yes. He'll be like, yes. And you, you know, you look, you're in great shape.

Like, you know, he'll be like stoked to see. What I thought was what I should have done was gone, man, because it took me so long to recognize who you were. Let's get a selfie. I'm going to send this to some of the old guys. Yeah. And I'll say, guess who I'm with here. Some of the old guys.

I'll take them ages. Like this will be a fun little puzzle. Yeah. Yeah. But no, obviously when you're on the back foot, you're not like, you're not, you're not thinking, you're not thinking straight. No, no, no, no, no. I'm back in the corner.

Half of the conversation is just like. Yeah. Getting your bearings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, no, no. I'm back in the corner. Half of the conversation is just like getting your bearings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking, what do I do after this happens? Hey, you know what? Maybe I've got to go to this indoor tramp centre and see if I see him and if he recognises me. Oh, okay. Because I think I look quite different. Right.

I'm now fully bald, wearing glasses. You're the Rick of the other side of comedy, of people who are still in comedy what do you mean well in terms of you're now unrecognized oh sure sure sure yeah yeah um but look that's what i was gonna say when you said that what if i next time i see him i go right good hey last time i was a bit shocked i didn't recognize you whatever but now that I've been thinking about it, let me tell the story of your legacy to comedy. Okay. And just tell him that story. Tell him how I've been using his name and his number.

You'd need a bit of time with him to sort of like, yeah, vibe where he's at at the moment. Right. To see how he'd respond to it. Right. vibe where he's at at the moment to see how he'd respond to it right i mean i think the difficult thing about you revealing that you're you you give out his number yeah is that that the joke is imagine someone calling you there's kind of no way to sugarcoat that although if that detail wasn't in there i'd say like yeah just you going like yeah i plucked the name out of the ether and i said my name was this yeah that I think you could maybe get over the line

as like a random thing but the thing of like I used to give your phone number to everyone there's really no way to kind of like you know to like punch that up

into a way that's not like obvious that you're making fun of him but I do that at the start of the story and I gloss over it very quickly until we get to the bit

and all of a sudden we're dealing with Yuzi and I've got the link online of the Husey story, and everything is rigged. You've got to listen back to that episode and see what you say about him. This fucking idiot. No, damn.

Okay, not that then. We'll edit a new version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We re-release it. We re-release it for the seven-year anniversary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We clip it up. It's now a five-minute episode. We just get Dave O'Neill and Husey back in torelease it. Yeah. We re-release it for like a seven-year anniversary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We clip it up. It's now a five-minute episode.

Yeah. We just get Dave O'Neill and Hughsey back in to like, yeah, remaster it. Oh. George Lucas style where we take out all the like the mean things about Rick. Just what's her name? Keep being like, fuck, we've got to be careful not to name him. We've made t-shirts with his name on them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Taylor Swift style. We re-record the episodes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rick's version. Yes. He owns the episodes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rick's version. Yes. He owns the Masters. We own the Masters. He has to redo his own version.

Yes. I mean, that would be a bizarre thing to find out. Like, these guys, these guys from an industry that you were kind of, like, skirting around for a bit and then left, they made merch about you. Yeah. Like, imagine finding that out. Yes. There's, like, hundreds of people out in Australia and the world that have a t-shirt with your first name on it and it's not a

coincidence it's about you yeah that's you fuck that would really that would really rattle me i think yeah that really would spin me out it's like homer seeing the japanese version of him on the washing powder or whatever yeah yeah yeah just someone being like you know mate just someone being like yeah the catchphrase is like, everything is Tommy. Yeah. And then being like, yeah, I was at a pub and I saw a guy wearing that t-shirt. Yeah. And I thought that was funny.

And someone was like, ah, like you. And it's like, no, that is me. Yeah. It's sort of the inverse of Homer with Mr. Sparkle. Because that's a coincidence. Yeah. But this literally is about him. Yes.

Man. I don't think the ball pit in the Hawthorne Play Centre is the right way to explain this whole story to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to go off-site. I want to, yeah. I mean, I think I'm going to have to start. I'm going to have to find a kid

and just go and start hanging out at this ball pit. Because I want to see this transformation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you describing it. Because also it's been so long since i've seen even just seeing him in general yeah that even like my kind of mind's eye picture of him is pretty fuzzy yeah so i can't even remember the old him let alone i'm sure i would be completely flabbergasted by seeing the current yes the current buff long hair version. Yes, 2022 Rick. Fuck yeah.

It's so weird. I mean, I don't know if people at home are as interested in this as we are, but, like, yeah, it's so... I guess it's relatable. You know, you see... Oh, yeah, that's right. We are assuming this is the most fascinating thing in the world, but someone at home being like, I guess I vaguely remember that episode.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah totally but you know i mean i'm now i never thought you never think you're going to get to this stage i guess you think oh i'll meet someone and then i'll always remember that person if they ever come up again but yeah that's a person where i've like fuck i would have no idea that was the same person that's been that that that many years yeah and that happened the other day the other day i just saw someone and i'm like i'm sure that that's someone i used to work with so i just gave him a big old smile like instead but didn't talk because i was like i'll just i'll just play it you know have one each way yeah just give them a big smile and then they just looked at me and went, what the fuck's this?

Some fucking idiot just gave me a big, massive grin. Right. And I'm like, and then I walked past and went, was that them? Yeah. And then I was like, I'm standing there and I'm like, I'm going to turn around and have a look. I turned around and had a look just as she turned around and had a look. That's good. The mutual like double take. Yes.

At the same time. Like some sort of like Tom Hanks meg ryan movie or something like that yeah and then but then i was like i was like yes well that means that she's just recognized it was me and then i'm like no she just wanted another look at the fucking weirdo freak who was yeah yeah yeah well also this would i am i wrong in assuming that this would have been an interaction where, like, let's say you do, you know, you both are like, oh, hey. And then you're just kind of trapped in this interaction where you're like, neither of us really has anything to say to each other. And I don't remember what the name of the person was either. I feel like that's the big one is I've done that where I've seen someone and I'm like, I know who that is, but I can't remember the name.

And I feel like that's got to be the rule. You can't go up and start a convo. Someone that to me they stopped me on the street someone i knew kind of like very vaguely through other people yeah and they like they made an effort to come up to me and they were like oh hey it's you know whatever her name was brianna i'm like oh hey and then we're chatting and she's like um what was your name all right i'm like you came up to me like you initiated this good rule good rule and it was just like

we were in the street I just had nothing to say like she's like yeah so what are you are you still doing comedy I'm like yeah yeah what are you doing she's like oh I work in radio

I'm like oh okay cool yeah and we don't really know enough about each other you know what I mean there was no like deep we literally were friends of friends who had been

in the same room like four or five times you know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, I copped it last night at Spleen. I was at comedy at Spleen last night. And this girl came in the door and was like, oh. That's a hell of an intro. Didn't do that.

Hey. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She came in and went, hey, you running your comedy here or whatever? And I was like, right, you haven't said my name. Yeah, you haven't said my name. That's fine because I was like, I don't know in what world she's coming from. Yeah.

But she's like, yeah, really good to see you again. And how's your wife? And named her. Don't say her name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how's this mutual friend that she named as well? I'm like, yeah. And she goes, oh, I'm a friend of.

Comedy friend or outside world friend? Outside world friend. Okay. Then named friend of the show Adam Rosenbach. Oh, I know him. I'm like, okay, great. So you've known three people that I know. Yep.

But I'm looking at her going, I've got no fucking idea who this person is. It's just the worst yeah and then also she was absolutely off her trolley okay and she came in just as the show was starting and was like yeah yeah how's it all going and i'm like uh well i'm busy trying to start this show cool i'll just come in here it's like no that can't happen we're sold out and you're really drunk and that's not going to help anything. And then I just had to pass her off to the bar manager to kick her out. And she's like yelling on,

but it's me! At me, I'm like, yeah, you're going to need to give me a name. I don't know who the fuck you are. Well, we're about to see Rosie to record last week's episode. So maybe you should ask him to get to the bottom of it.

It's going to be pretty hard because literally it would be this. Do you have a friend that's really drunk? That's about the details I can give. I actually think I know who this might be. Really? Really? I've got no idea who it is. Okay.

And then the one detail, so she goes, she knew Rosenbach, she knew a mutual friend, and she knew my wife. Oh, yeah, the mutual friend. Okay, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then she knew my wife oh yeah the mutual okay maybe yeah yeah yeah and then she knew my wife and then she what she said about my wife was oh how's she going i'm like yeah she's good she's at home now yeah and she's like oh yeah because remember when she brought toilet paper to thailand because she didn't know if they would have any there

and i was like not really yeah. Is that a thing that happened? I can't remember. I don't think that happened. Maybe she's confusing a thing recently where you were talking about your father-in-law doing that and you were going to go to the Gold Coast. Yeah, maybe. I think maybe she's conflated two stories together. I don't know.

I couldn't tell. Yeah, weird. I was like, I've got to get out of here as quick as I can because I don't know who the fuck you are. And all the bits of interactions here are very weird and I don't, I've got a job to do. Wow. And she just kept hanging around and yelling out at me. A lot of people probably think like the harshest thing that can happen is a person not remembering

you, but that plus then they get you kicked out of the bike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the huge crime of not knowing who they are. Yeah. And then, so it was funny and i then they like snuck upstairs or something so i was like right i'm not gonna go upstairs i'm just gonna go all the way around the venue yep the long way around and go outside and come back in the front door go out the back door in the front door and then when i did that they were sitting

at the front like yelling going it was her and this other guy. And they were going, yeah, they kicked us out. And I'm like, oh, I'm not in charge of the venue or whatever. Yeah, they kicked us out. I'm like, oh, well. Wish I could do something. Yeah, out of my hands. And then the guy goes, don't worry.

I own that building over there. I'm like, all right, well, stop worrying then. Cool. Yeah. You're all sorted. Great stuff. Man, I hope she listens. I hope she hears all this. Yeah, yeah i don't know i can't believe he doesn't remember me yeah i bought a t-shirt online i don't know years ago if you're listening let us know what your name is because

and when i've ever met you because i don't know who the fuck you are so sorry yeah but i do not know no idea yeah almost that thing where you'd feel guilty if you didn't remember someone's name like if i had that interaction in hawthorne happened the other day you'd feel guilty if you didn't remember someone's name. Like if I had that interaction in Hawthorne that happened the other day, I'd feel really bad if they went, you don't even know my name. If this person had said that, I would have been like, fuck yeah. I don't. I don't. You can tell me it right now and I still don't know.

It's probably not going to be in there tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Well, speaking of people that we have no idea who the fuck they are and what their names are, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Sign up now. You get two bonus episodes every week.

Little mini episodes. Huge back catalogue. About 280 something of them. And counting. You get access to all of that. And counting. Hours and hours of content. And also you go into the drawer

to get your name read out in the back end of the episode. Right here, right now. In the Stuart Hall of Fame. Yeah. Let's do this thing. We are racing against the clock to record an episode back in time. This is some weird science fiction podcast where we have to go.

If we don't finish this in time, last week's episode doesn't come out. Yeah, or we get visited by the past, I guess. Yeah. The guests from last week's episode will interrupt this. Turn up. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that could happen.

All right, we'd better not cross the streams. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Courtney Carmel. Courtney Carmel? Yeah, Courtney Carmel. People like Carmel. Oh, no. That's Carmen, isn't it? Yes. CC, Courtney Carmel. Yeah, Courtney Carmel. People like Carmel. Oh, no. That's Carmen, isn't it? Yes.

CC, Courtney Carmel. That's a name that could be flipped and still believable. Carmel Courtney. Carmel Courtney. Carmel Courtney does sound better. Actually does sound better. Carmel's a cool name. Does sound better.

No, Courtney's not a shocker. It's okay, isn't it? No, it's still good. Yeah. But I'm saying if I had to pick between the two of them as a first name, Carmel. I think Carmel's always going to win. I think because it's pretty close to the word caramel. Oh, yes.

And there's like a pleasant association there. Okay. What's Courtney close to? Courtney, what's the word association? Courtney Love? Courtney Cox Arquette. Oh, Courtney what? Courtney Cox Arquette. Courtney what? Courtney Cox Arquette.

Okay, right. As she was known for one period of her life. Right. It sounds very, when you run those words together, it sounds almost like something else. Courtney Cox, what did you think in terms of, in Friends, how did you rank the three ladies? Who was the hottest? No, who was the, you know, three ladies who was the hottest no who was the you know

yes who's the hottest hmm that's a good question i probably i would put phoebe up the top okay and then i'd put rachel and then i'd put monica down the bottom for me right yeah what about you reasoning why why was courtney Courtney Cox down the bottom? I just like, you know, as it went on and they like lent into her character being like a real meat freak and kind of annoying. Yeah. That kind of, that was, that sort of, you know, it was like in the early season, she's like, she's sort of fine. And then they like, you know, it's like classic sitcom thing where they like, yeah, and they like go harder and harder and harder on it. It doesn't really happen in real life where someone just develops these personality traits out of nowhere that then are so amplified within a year-long period.

But on the flip side of that, you're more attracted by the person who is sort of brain damaged in the show. Yeah, which is cool. She's a free spirit. in the show. Yeah. She's cool. She's a free spirit. Actually, you know what?

The true number one for me would be Ursula, Phoebe's twin sister. Oh, the bad girl. Who does porno and pretends to be Phoebe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. All right. Yeah. Okay. Look, the original order still stands, but I'm very interested in that offside fact.

Yeah. Thank you. My ranking of them? I think maybe it's changed over time. I was never a Rachel fan, but now I get it. Yeah. Which sounds really dumb. It's like, yeah, it's like, I'm never into chocolate.

Then all of a sudden something clicked. Oh, fucking, well, yeah, you just sound dumb for half of your life. I will say there is something to be said for like i remember being younger and anyone that was like really in the public eyes like this is like the most attractive person on the planet i was always like yeah i sort of don't get it it's just like it's obviously a very attractive person but there's no like there was never anything about those kinds of people from that era where i was like i'm attracted to this look if that makes sense yeah yeah maybe was it a bit of too obvious like anyone that was like the the biggest band growing up i'd you know hesitate to get into because i'm like well

everyone else is into them yeah i find my own thing there's also just something about that like over the top kind of like like show business attractiveness where it's just like – I don't think she's that over-the-top show business. Well, no, but I mean just that perfect, that kind of like pristine kind of like Hollywood attractive look that's just kind of a bit like, I don't know, like uninteresting. Like it's kind of like a flawless look for sure, but like – I don't think she is that, but anyway, it's...

I'm more of a Gunter guy myself. Right, yeah. I think he's the hot one. He did. Yeah, well, I mean, look, rank the guys now. Rank the attractiveness. Who would I want to fuck? Yeah, of the three guys.

Joey, Ross, Chandler. Oh, Ross in front of Chandler. Why? Yeah, yeah. Why? Well, I mean, you know, in the reality of the show, Rachel's like the hottest girl. Right. And he kept her for a while.

Okay. So you want to fuck a guy because... And he kind of cheated on her. Oh, yeah. I mean, even though they were on a break. Yeah. I had to remember that. I think they were on a break, weren't they?

They were on a break. Yeah, right. They were definitely on a break. Oh, that was conclusive. It's canon. It's dumb-dumb canon that Ross and Rachel were on a break. Is that why? Yeah, okay.

If we find out that they weren't on a break, does he go down the list or up the list? Well, I mean, look, for me, well, he cheats on her with a bald girl. So I feel like representation really does matter. So I've got to give Ross points for that one. Okay, yeah, all right. That does make, I mean, that makes him more appealing to me. It makes me feel like I've got a better Ross points for that one. Okay. Yeah. All right. That does make, I mean, that makes him more appealing to me. It makes me feel like I've got a better chance of fucking. Right.

Friend of the show. Daniel Sloss's mate. Yes. Ross Geller. Yes. I think, I think back in the day, I think I,

I went Courtney Cox one. Okay. Then Aniston. Then what's her name? Lisa Kudrow. Lisa Kudrow. Kudrow right down the bottom. I think,

I think that was the, the order back in the day, but I think that would have changed now. I think it's completely flipped positions. It would be Aniston, Kudrow, Cox. Okay. Yeah. Now, follow-up question.

Which one of the two broke girls would you fuck? Oh. Oh, easy. I know. I was just thinking in my head. It's like, do people have, like, clearly when they set that sitcom up it's like that they knew that was going to be a talking point sure it is that happening

with any you know what i mean like the crew at parks and recs sitting around being like yeah people are really going to be talking about whether they'd slam amy poller over or plaza like i just don't see anything being made like i mean, that's obviously like reality TV. That's sort of shifted into that domain. Like you cast hot people that people are going to be ranking against. But like in a sitcom, I can't see them ever being like... Yeah. Oh, it depends who's making it. Like the people that made Two Broke Girls is the people that made Two and a Half Men.

So they're not as much into the art as the people from Parks and Rec. No, that's true. That's very true. Yeah. But anyway, thanks, Courtney Caramel. Thanks, Courtney Caramel Arquette. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. What a gift to people.

Like, you know, they just found out who Courtney just, because of her name, found out who we would like to fuck in what order from the cast of Friends. Yeah. What a gift we give her. Yeah. For a miserly couple of shekels a month. All the other listeners who are enjoying hearing that, send your thanks to Courtney Car Friends. Yeah. What a gift we give her. Yeah. For a miserly couple of shekels a month. All the other listeners who are enjoying hearing that,

send your thanks to Courtney Caramore. Yes. Because without her, you wouldn't have ever found that out. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Benjamin Hall. Ben Hall. Yeah. Ben Hall.

Ben Hall of fame. Ben Hall. Yeah. Well, this could take over. Should take over from Stu. Stu's had a go. Could go for a while. Should we take over? Someone else from the Hall dynasty comes and takes the mantle. Yeah, well, this could take over. Should it take over from Stu? Stu's had a go. Could go for a while. Should we take over?

Someone else from the Hall dynasty comes and takes the mantle. Yeah. I think this Stuart Hall sounds so funny. Does it? Ben Hall, I don't think, is... Benjamin is funny, though. Benjamin Hall. Benjamin Hall of Fame.

The Benjamin Hall of Fame. That's funny. I think we'd better check with Stuart. Okay. See what he makes of this, if he's okay with it. Does he really have charge of it? I don't know. I don't know if he really has any power.

Well, he has had a good... Maybe that's the new thing. It's like whoever the most recent surname of Hall is that we've read out, they're the Hall of Fame. Yeah. Okay. Now we can have a separate Hall of Fame just of people who have the surname Hall. And this might inspire other people with the surname Hall to get onto the Patreon.

Yes. To sort of take the mantle. Yes. It's just going to earn us more money. Yes. All right. Cool. The Benjamin Hall of Fame.

The Benjamin. Welcome aboard. Hang on. Okay. So Courtney Caramel, she's been inducted into the Stuart Hall of Fame. Oh, has she? Yes. Well, because the name hadn't been read out yet.

Yeah. So now. Is this a new hall? Is Benjamin, what do we say? Is Benjamin inducted into the Stuart Hall of Fame, but then henceforth it's known as the Benjamin Hall of Fame? Or is he going straight into the... It seems weird that he should go into the Benjamin Hall of Fame. When he is the Benjamin Hall of Fame.

I don't think he's in it. He's not in it. He just is something. He just is it. Yeah, okay. We're just putting all these other things in him. So Courtney Caramull is now the last ever person inducted into the Stuart Hall of Fame. Yes, yes.

And we're now in a new era. A hall doesn't go on forever. The king is dead. It's a finite hall. Long live the king. Yeah. Yeah. You can't keep jamming stuff into a hall, like, forever.

So we've gone out into, oh, this is beautiful. We've gone out of the, we've left the Stuart Hall of Fame. And we're out in, like, let's say we've reached the end of the hall and it's, like, gone into the outside. So we're now in a courtyard. Yes. A Courtney the end of the hall and it's like gone into the outside so we're now in a courtyard a Courtney yard oh yes a Courtney Caramel yard the Courtney Caramel

yard of fame yeah nice little outdoors area and then we can just see there's like another doorway yeah across the other across the way

yes then we've walked in and now we're in the Benjamin Hall of Fame yeah I like this on these dum-dum manor

that we're walking around yes is this this used to be a thing that was taught, like, when you're doing a comedy festival show, if you've got to remember an hour of things to say in a row, you have to picture, like, a house. And say you've got a bid on – why don't they make the whole plane

out of the black box? You go, okay, well, that's – Let's say. Yeah, that's at the front of the house because that's like the cockpit or whatever but then you go into your you know your um uh what if um you know harold holt uh he drowned and they've got a pool named after him then you go okay well imagine in your head that the the first room in the house has got like a little pool just outside of you can see out the window and you're visualizing a house well i think the harold holt bit that's so strong that you're closing with that right that's out the back and you're visualising a house. Well, I think the Harold Holt bit, that's so strong that you're closing with that.

Right. So that's out the back in the backyard where the pool is. Okay. Well, it's just for example, of course. But no, I've never heard this before. You've never heard that before? And I cannot imagine this making it any easier to remember the order of material. I've done it.

Really? Yeah. Okay. It worked okay. I think it's more like you're just trying to have a thing that leads you vaguely into the next thing. Yeah. Yeah. So are you structuring the material in your show based on, well, I think that bit would work third,

but there's really no way it makes sense for the latter bit to be in the spare bedroom. Well, yeah, a little bit. A little bit. In the spare bedroom. Well, yeah, a little bit. A little bit. It's like, because with a show like mine, an hour show of mine is like 150, 160 jokes.

What kind of house is that? That's so many rooms. I know. Look, you go in and out of the house. Don't worry. This is where you go outside. This is a block. Yeah. You go down the street sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, no, there's definitely bits. Franny flat out the back. Yeah, there's definitely bits where it's like, well, you know. Each individual cupboard in the pantry. Yeah, if you've got a one-liner, it's like it doesn't need to be, there's not a big difference whether it's a 36th joke or the 115th. You know, it's all in the mix, whatever.

I'm sure there's an insane one-liner comedian out there who would strongly dispute. You know what I mean? There's a personality type that would be like, that's the most sacrilegious thing you could say. Probably, yeah. It's a fucking, it's a delicate jigsaw puzzle. Yeah, my priority is just trying to remember the fucking things. Yeah.

So, yeah, I agree. There's probably a better way of structuring it, i just need in my fucking head somehow it does take the wind out of your sails when you've like been working really hard on all the bits and really working on the order of the whole show and then like you have a night where for whatever reason you forget to do one bit one of those bits that you're really stressing on getting it just right getting the order of it just right the show still came in on time it wasn't like you finished early absolutely no detrimental effect to the overall rest of the show. And you go, oh, any of these bits can just come out. Yeah.

I can forget to do 10 minutes and the overall result is exactly the same. You forgot to open the oven and those three jokes were still in there. Yep. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was just really hot. So I didn't think to open the oven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was already so hot.

Yeah. I didn't want the heat from the oven. I ate before the show, so I didn't think to open the oven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's already so hot. Yeah. I want the heat from the oven. I ate before the show, so I didn't think to open the oven. Exactly. Yeah. I wasn't hungry. Well, thanks, Benjamin Hall of Fame. Thanks, Benjamin Hall of Fame.

Well, now we get to find out who's the first ever inductee into the Benjamin Hall of Fame. Yeah. Speaking of the Benjamin Hall of Fame, here is the Benjamin Hall of Fame featuring first inductee. Thank you very much, a patron subscriber, Kimberly Leahy. L-E-A-H-Y? Yeah. Leahy?

Yeah. Is that it? I guess. I guess. Leahy? Yeah, Leahy. Leahy? Leahy?

Leahy? Leahy? L-E-A-H-Y. Boy, this is a rough one for the first ever. Yeah, it's a tricky one. First name on the, I mean, we're only having it to write it down on the board that's in there. So that's, you know, it's not too stressful. Yeah, it's fine.

It's like, you know, it's a little bit embarrassing to have a new Hall of Fame and the first one there is like, you know, it's got white out all over it because we don't know how to fucking spell it or write it or pronounce it properly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the name Kim though. I'm into it. Respect for going the full Kimberley too. I feel like that's pretty rare.

I feel like any Kims that I know, they're just like, yeah, they're not using Kimberley. Yeah. Just going Kim. Yeah, I like it. Keeping it concise. Kimberley's nice. Kimberley. I mean, similarly with the Benjamin that we had before.

That's also pretty rare, I reckon. Yeah. Yeah. Kimberley, that'd be a nice name to introduce as your girlfriend, I think. This is my girlfriend, Kimberley. Yeah. Have you met Kimberley? Yeah.

That's pretty good. Have you met Kimberley? Yeah. What would you, what do you reckon is one of the worst names out there in terms of introducing someone as your girlfriend? That's a great question. Edith? Edith? Edith?

Yeah, not amazing. What do you think? I mean, look, it sounds cliche, but this cliche is for a reason. Sharon? Yeah, Karen. Karen at the moment. Oh, Karen at the moment. At the moment would be tough.

Yeah. I mean, if it's like, let's say it's like, well, it depends who you're introducing them to. Let's say you're introducing this new partner to your parents for the first time and it's like, this is my girlfriend, Crystal. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're kind of like really strippery. This is my girlfriend, Madonna. Yeah, yeah.

What do you reckon? Yeah, yeah. I feel like that's a tough sell. Yeah. To friends, it's like whatever but yeah knowing that you're gonna have to yeah say to like a parent yeah like i just feel like any kind of like this is my girlfriend azaria yeah yeah any kind of like full-on bogan name i feel like i would get like you, my parents would be like, right. Right. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, look, we're both taken and we're both of an age where you're probably not going out with some of those new names popping up that are a bit, you know, Chanette or, you know, those made up sort of weird, bogany sort of names. By the way, did you know this? I don't want to say exactly who it is because I don't want to dox them. Rick?

But someone that you and I both know and are friends with on Facebook, they've done the Facebook name change. Yes, comedian. Periphery. Ah! Periphery. Okay, so because if you're a comedian on Facebook,

you've sort of got some sort of, you've got an excuse. Yeah. Because you're trying to direct someone to your fan page. The fan page, and you know, if you're on TV, you don't want to, yeah, you don't want your personal inbox being blown up with like, saw you on fucking Question Everything and you sucked or whatever. Do you like that?

Do you like that when all of a sudden you see someone pop up in your feed and you go when when do i make friends with fucking whoever the fuck this is and yeah oh they've changed their name or you you go to like message them to see if they want to do something you're like it's like not showing up you're like oh did did they delete me yeah yeah and then you have it like ask around. It's like, no, they're on there as Mr. Persnificus. Yeah. No, this is someone that we know. It kind of ruins it not actually knowing who the person is, but their surname on there is now Gobby.

It just made me laugh a lot. Yeah, great. Do you know who I'm talking about? No, I don't, but I'm going to look it up right now. I'm just going to look it up and see. Yeah, go ahead. Just put Gobby into your search bar. I will. Yeah, it's pretty good.

The first person that came up was someone called Gobby Gobby. Okay. That's not them. Oh, really? It's not coming up?

That actual person isn't coming up? No. Oh, really? Maybe I'm not friends with them. No, you were friends with them. Well, it would come up if... Surely that would come up as one of the first things if I was friends with them. No, you were friends with them. Well, it would come up if...

Surely that would come up as one of the first things if I was friends with them. Yeah, that's weird. No, no, no. Let me show you one of mine and see if... Please. See if you can pick them. I think you'll recognise them by the profile pic. Okay.

Yeah, there you go. Do you know who that is? Oh, God. Jesus Christ. Not bad, hey? Why is that? Why is that? Why is that a thing?

It's pretty good, isn't it? It's very odd. Yeah. It really got me the other day because also the way i found it was so weird i was looking up um i was trying to send a message to my friend gibby on there and so just putting his name in facebook went do you mean this and i was like who the fuck's that yeah and i went oh right that's you know such and such great Great. Not bad, hey? Yeah, pretty good. So, hang on.

So, we're in the Benjamin Hall of Fame. Yep. And what was the previous Hall of Fame? Stuart. Stuart, right, okay. Why? I don't know. I just wanted...

Okay, no, just getting my records in check. Oh, I think I know what's going on. No, no, no, no, no. Someone actually just friend requested me with the surname Hall. Oh, really? Like right then. Okay. check oh i i think i i think i know what's going on no no no no no someone actually someone actually just friend requested me with the surname hall oh really right then okay wow one of these it's a different one it's a different one that's scary yeah well thanks kimberly thanks kimberly uh thank you very much to patreon subscriber ron evans okay ron Not a bad little name. You reckon? Well, I mean, I've got, look, to be honest,

I know of a Ron Evans who was the previous president of the Essendon Football Club. Oh, really? So that's just a weird little... Maybe it's that person. Maybe it's that person. Yeah, yeah. Okay, maybe. Gone from... I do like it when you find out an older

person is into your podcast. Yeah. If you've seen that at shows or whatever, like people come up and they're – anyone older than you listening to you feels weird to me. Yes. Yes. I mean, I don't know. I guess I used to feel that way, but then now it's like, you know, a lot of the music

I listen to is like by people who are younger. You know what I mean? Like crossing that threshold where where you're like i'm now not mostly listening to music by people that are like my age and commenting on like exactly my experience sure i'm now listening to like 20 year olds yeah sing about what it's like to be 20 in the year right 2022 right i guess i i guess what uh adds to this is the fact that, you know, very easily a 17-year-old could listen to this and go, yeah, I'm a bit above this. And then all of a sudden we've got 56-year-olds listening to this and you go, really?

I would have thought that's, you know, way out of your IQ. Yeah, it's interesting because you think of this show as, like, pretty immature and you would think that that would really appeal to a 19-year-old but there probably is something to that generation that's pretty cringe hearing people this old carry on like this. Yes, sure. Which is so

depressing. Is this a two-hour long episode that I have to listen to in a row? God, yuck. Right, this 43-year-old man's talking about cum? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, definitely.

Fair enough. Definitely. Completely fair enough. Yeah, no, no. Yeah, Ron, do you think this is a... Ronald. Do you think this is a fella or do you think this is maybe we're dealing with a Veronica?

Oh, I would love that. I'd love that, but I don't believe that would be the case. We're dealing with a Ronald. If you had a name like Veronica, would you shorten it to Ron? God, what a fucking sacrilege that is. What a cracker of a name Veronica is. You would not, surely you wouldn't waste that. I think the only Veronica that I know is Veronica Milson,

and I know that she does it. She'll refer to herself as Ron. Maybe not. Maybe not. Publicly. Yeah. Well, yeah, no, you're right. I mean, she still is, you know, when she's like on something,

she's billed as Veronica. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, I kind of, she kind of gets, yeah, she's going when she's billing herself, she's gone the full Veronica. But then just like, you know, referring to herself in a in a you know in a caption she'll be like oh ron's done it again you're sort of getting to have it both ways there i think that's kind of a cool way of doing it well it's just like a and it's a nickname isn't it you're not you know you know you're not doing a gig and saying oh it's the dashes are on

whatever are you it's a nickname i should start it though. Yeah, yeah. Maybe. A self-imposed nickname that you just refer to yourself as constantly. That's cool. Do you reckon... The DAS thinks that's cool. Do you reckon you've... You know, it's a very rare thing to see in a comedy career or in any sort of career just to get 15 years or so into something and go,

no, actually, I think I'll change that. I think the name's been holding me back. The rebrand. Yeah. Yeah, bands do it kind of, not super regularly, but there's been like a few where they've gone like, we're changing the name, and then they'll do like a run of festivals

where it's got to be like brackets formally known as, you know, this on the poster. Yes. Which it's just like at the point that you're doing that, you just got to accept that you can't change that. You're stuck with it yeah i know you don't like being called this but like every band like the arctic monkeys what a dumb name for a band yeah they were 19 when they started it yeah as if they wouldn't do a hard reboot if they could yes but they're like well you know that's yep that's the job yeah the little dum-dum club.

What are you going to do? But again, I think we've probably said this, but what would we call it? What is a good name for? Not only what's a good name for a podcast, what's a good name for anything? What's a good name for a band? All right. We've got a minute to brainstorm new names for this show. Okay. All right. Carl's Comedy Friends. Oh, that's great. We've got a minute to brainstorm new names for this show. Okay.

All right. Carl's Comedy Friends. Oh, that's great. I think we said that recently. I love that already. We actually were having this exact conversation when that came up. Right. Like, if we started it now, that's what it would be called. Yeah.

I love that. I'm okay with not being in the title. Just taking a back seat. Ultimate cuck move. Name not allowed in the title. Yeah, but it's exactly the same as Little Dum Dum Club because we're like, oh, that's very funny. This is the same idea we had when we got Little Dum Dum Club.

Three eps in and we're saying to Sean McAuliffe, can you come on Carl's Comedy Friends? No, totally. Well, I mean, you know, one of the biggest comedy podcasts in the world for a very long time now, WTF, What the fuck with mark marron and then he gets to a point where he's having the then president of the united states on the show it's like yeah i mean he was just a fucking outsider guy who was like yeah i'll call

the show what the fuck that's kind of funny and subversive and like you know a bit weird and then it's like yeah you've got a mattress company sponsoring it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like when the title is having to be censored on the front page of the iTunes store, it's like, yeah, you didn't really think this through. And also back when probably WTF was like not a – like if you bring – if you – today, if that didn't exist and today you started a thing called WTF, you'd be like, that is fucking lame. It's so old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It sounds like it's from a million years ago yeah yeah alright well thanks thanks Ron thanks Ronnie Evans thanks Ronaldo Evans alright one more

and we are but mere minutes away from our guest from last week breaking through the time barrier yes and our past selves

are going to catch up with us and I'm going to I don't't know, back to the future style, fuck my mum or something. Cool. All right. Thank you very much to the final one for this week. Thank you very much to, oh, no, not another one.

Fuck. Okay, we're going to have to change it again. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Comedy Hall. Comedy Hall? Yeah, another hall. Wow. That's their first name. So now we are going to have to call it the Comedy Hall

of Fame. Didn't we do that already? Oh, fuck. Is it the past catching up with us again? Alright, guys. Thanks very much for listening. Oh, no. It's catching up. I'm melting. Patreon.com slash a little donut. I'm disappearing. I'm fading away. Bye.