The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 632 - Harley Breen & Nick Capper

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

We're joined this week by our great mates HARLEY BREEN and NICK CAPPER! Tommy's witnessed some heckling, Capper's comedy has inspired some audience romance, and Harley's lost a hat. PLUS Capper's been living it up in Newcastle, basking in the glory of his new status as an inductee of the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame, by doing one of the worst sounding gigs of all time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Harley Breen and Nick Capa. If you want to support the show, you can get onto patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. Get yourself two bonus mini episodes every week with great special guests. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Nick Capa and Harley Breen. With Nick Capper and Harley Breen. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Nick Capper and Harley Bray! Hooray!

Yeah! Carl! Carl's comedy friends. Oh, it's good to have mates. Isn't it? Oh, friends are good. Harley and I just got back from Goli Air in Paris. Oh, great. We were in school and we just thought we'd come on to promote our double act

Doing professional clowns 55 minutes of miming on the pod Lovely stuff Man, how good has this been? Oh you've nailed it That's actually better than what you used to do on stage Actually yeah, people are laughing more now they're shut up The audience used to mime a lot while you were on to do on stage. Actually, yeah, people are laughing more now they're shut up. Yeah, the audience

used to mime a lot while you were on. What's your double act? Walking against the wind out the door. What's the double act called? Loose Dudes. Loose Dudes.

The Gauley Air Train Loose Dudes. Wow, you really stretched for that. I get that. Marcel Marsh Shithouse. Le Kunz. Beautiful stuff.

We were talking, speaking of comedy, we were talking off air about gigs over the weekend. Now, we've talked a lot recently about good heckles and good heckle comebacks on the show, but I saw a new, what I think is is a strain that I've never really thought about, the friend of the heckler comeback response. Hang on, so the heckler's saying something to the comic, the comic comes back, and then the friend pipes up for the heckler?

No, yeah, kind of like the person who's there at a show with a friend, all of a sudden their friend's being a cunt, they feel like they're guilty by association. They've just been roped in. They're not having a good time. This isn't an interaction they want to be in. So we're at the show, incredibly drunk older woman in the front row, not enjoying any of it.

Four acts in, hasn't cracked a smile, looks like a withered old skeleton. Just looking at it, there'd been a bit of an array of people on. So you invited your mum. Oh, fucking hell. Jesus, how long did it take to get to that one? Fucking hell. I was going to do it earlier, but he kept going and I was like, I'll wait for a break.

I can smell the smoke from the thinking. You've just been criticising comics off air for being hack, and then you trumped the lot. Man, that's what this fucking podcast is. I'm not going to bring any of my A material. I know for a fact that my mum and dad are trying to chase you at the moment to have you around for dinner. You fucking can't.

Not anymore. Not anymore now that your mum's a withered old skeleton. Just opening the door, mum's there like, Katha just like, G'day, Skeletor. More food for me. She's actually a beautiful skeleton. She's in a bad way at the moment.

She's had an operation. Oh, fuck. Now I feel really bad. Jesus. There's a withered old lady in the hospital who said that they really need this podcast to go well. Or they're going to turn off for life support. Yeah, better turn it off now.

This hasn't been a good start. The Goliath thing, not that hot. This is the 80-year-old make-a-wish. Yeah, better turn it off now. It hasn't been a good start. The goliath thing, not that hot. This is the 80-year-old make a wish. So, yeah. What if you could just make a tiny wish when you're that old? Like, you know, you get a big wish when you're like five. What about if you're 85 and you're just like, well, just give me a little bit of a wish? Well, as we've talked about on the show, getting a make a wish when you're a kid.

It's like it, you know, does give you hope, but I don't think you truly appreciate it in the way that you would when you're like, you know, if you got cancer when you're a kid. It's like it, you know, does give you hope, but I don't think you truly appreciate it in the way that you would when you're like, you know, if you got cancer when you're like 25 and you make a wish, you're like, clear my hex debt. You know what I mean?

Just get rid of that. What are you wishing for? That this cancer actually kills me quick? We can do that. That doesn't cost any money. That doesn't, like, we don't have to call in any favors from the future.

I wish I could die before I start shitting myself. Is that okay, everyone? Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah. So yeah, this lady, not into any of it. And then during one of the acts, she starts talking.

But she's just talking in a way where she's so drunk and it's literally not making sense. Just like yelling out stuff like, oh, what about your shoes? And the actor being like, what? She's like, the Irish people would like your shoes, wouldn't they? Oh, great. And everyone in the room just going what on earth are you what is going on it's a

little bit hard to get come back to someone who's not making any sense no totally yeah and the mc being like i'm begging you please just stop talking like just getting to a point where it's like you can't even knock them back and just and just doing the thing where i love seeing an mc just have to go into like full parent mode and like literally just going, everyone in this room wants you to be quiet because they're here to enjoy the show and you are getting in the way of that. I've almost done the opposite of that. I was at a gig in Adelaide out in the outer suburbs

and there was just what could only be described as a heinous individual in the audience who thought everyone wanted to hear her opinions on everything. And like everyone that was on... Was she skeleton-like? Yeah, she was. Is she a Tura at the moment? She was the opposite of a skeleton. If you know what I mean.

Flubber, flubber herself. She had enough to warm heaps of skeletons and still be a rotund. God damn it! You selfish son of a bitch! Jumped on the fat landmine yourself. Ah, you greedy prick. It's coming towards me. I've got to do it now. God, I needed that.

So this fucking... I've got to go to this clown school. Makes you better. You walk in, Philip Goliath, first thing he says to you, your mum is fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

First of all, find an audience member. Then allocate someone that is the mother of. That is your mother. Gordo, Gordo. But yeah,

anyway, this woman just kept going and the MC at the time was doing his best but he was a bit of a nice guy so he couldn't really burn her as hard as he needed to to shut her up.

Didn't want to make himself a bit of a prick to the rest of the audience. Correct. And then by the time I was closing the show, by the time I got on, she'd actually quietened down and just run out of steam. And I was furious at the situation because I felt for every other comic whose shows had been stood on because this fucking idiot wouldn't shut up. You're wanting her to pipe up.

So I got on and just lit the fire with a can of diesel. I just went, where the fuck is that fat slack? And the place fell apart. She has arced up and I just kept rinsing her. Anyway, she stormed off and went to the manager and said, I want to make a complaint. He called me a slut. And the manager went, no, he didn't.

He called you a slag. I love this. So she had no umbrage with the fat bit? No. To be fair, I didn't say fat. That was just for all of your enjoyment. I did call her a slag. And then he came up.

He goes, hey, great show, but you've got to go. And I went, what? He goes, yeah, you need to leave now. Because she just said she's going to get the boys. And I know the boys she's talking about. And you definitely need to leave. She's walked up a hill. She's going to roll down it.

And then you'll be in trouble. Off to get the slag boys. Wow. Yeah, yeah. The boys are bigger. So I didn't. I stayed. And we had aag boys. Wow. Yeah, yeah. The boys are bigger. So I did. I stayed. And we had a great night.

Incredible. That's crazy. Well, yeah. So, yeah, she's sort of been told in no uncertain terms, in no comedic terms, please just be quiet. And then she pipes up again. Whole audience just groans. And, by the way, the husband that she's with,

he's been loving the whole show, right? So she pipes up again, and he just groans. And by the way, the husband that she's with, he's been loving the whole show, right? So she pipes up again and he just head in his hands. He goes, Jesus Christ, woman, which I just fucking love. Just fed up, just off it. She pipes up again. He leaves. He just disappears out of the venue. He's gone for the whole rest of the show.

And like one of us goes down to the bar to get a drink. We're like, he's gone. He is not even on the premises anymore. So yeah. It's easy things to do. Yeah, yeah. Shame and embarrassment. Far out.

Just on the- It's what keeps marriages together for so long. On the train home. Just one of those ones where you're like, you're just thinking like, God, I wish I could see the interaction when they're both in the house later tonight. Yeah. You fucking embarrassed me. Yeah. You fucking, both in the house later tonight. Yeah. You fucking embarrassed me. Yeah.

You fucking, you didn't defend my honour. Yeah. And you're in the corner going, mum and dad, please stop fighting. Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah.

They heckled their son. Yeah. They heckled their son. Two nil, Daszlo. Oh, fucking hell. Two nil. In my own house. Imagine parents being at comedy.

That's so funny. Oh, my dog saw this happen. He's never going to respect me again. I once had kind of the opposite. I was doing a festival show in, as you can imagine, quite a small room. So you could see everybody. How good are festivals?

Oh, man. They're so great. It's is it? They're so great. We should keep doing them. It's good to connect on a more personal level with people. And the show was going real well, and there was kind of a commotion up the back, and it was a small room, so I could kind of see what was going on.

And one girl was sitting away, and this couple were just making out fiercely. Like really going for it. Really? That's tight. In your comedy? Yeah. In my comedy.

You did it for them? That is weird. I've done that before. You made out in comedy? Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. I went to watch one of Carl's gigs.

Yeah, that's right. And I made out with this random woman in the crowd while Lemo was on. That's so weird. I've never made out with this random woman in the crowd while Limo was on. That's so weird. I've never made out at comedy. Yeah, I didn't think I... It's not something I planned to happen. Yeah. That's so weird that, like, you know, at your gig,

for some people, bombing is aphrodisiac. It's like they came after an argument and they're like, oh, thank God it's not this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This comedy sucks. Let's fuck. they came after an argument and they're like oh thank god it's not this guy I'm going to latch on to him now this comedy sucks let's fuck listening to this show feels like getting fucked in the ass

that gives me an idea if I get a heart on all the blood will go there from my brain and then maybe I'll pass out and I won't have to listen to this anymore well we're not doing any laughing let's do something with our mouths

I want to get my money's worth Well, we're not doing any laughing. Let's do something with our mouths. I want to get my money's worth. Yeah, it's either this or boo. I believe you're wrong. I believe they're like, I've never seen comedy like this before. I'm horny. Okay, right. That's the way, yeah. I think that's the way I would have went, okay, guys?

I don't think there's boredom involved. Yeah, okay. And I could see other audience, the people around them were uncomfortable. Because I must have been a sloppy make-out, like a... Right. Thanks for the impersonation. Yeah, Paris. Sounds more like the woman in the front row yogi.

And I just I had to march him I was like I'm sorry guys Oh really You marched him from the back of the room Yeah I had to go Look guys Could you go

Like it's I like you guys I think you're great You've got Because they were kind of into it as well But then into themselves That's so That's so That's a sign that you're great you've got because they were kind of into it as well but then into themselves that's so that's a sign

that you're not going that well if someone kissing at the back of the room can be heard over the top of everything else you know the rules guys

no funny no fucky it's a weird one though because it's like it is distracting it is like they're not watching the show but also it's like

it's weird enough that there's no precedent for it just in the moment it's like now what what should one do here if this is happening in their comedy show yeah that's it because they were kind of i remember it was just a kind of two back rows that were kind of you know freaked out about the whole thing and yeah and so i was like yeah look you can

get your money back just you know just go and make out somewhere else or whatever and the usher actually got him out you know right and they were fine did you whatever And the usher actually got him out Right Did you still do the show now that you've kicked out Presumably 100% of your audience? Yeah Anyway, where was I? I was also thinking on something about that

I was like, what have I got here to burn him on? And also, I can't believe you charged his mum and dad Oh! Shit Thank you, Carl. Thank you for defending my honour. Yeah, I was like, now that I got him out, I was like, I said to the tech and the usher, all right, finally, we got some quiet time together.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the other 20 shows that have happened, you know? When they were leaving. It was weird having those two more people in. I felt like I couldn't care less. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Having an audience put you off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Having an audience put you off. When they were leaving, what was their vibe like?

You know, were they, did they seem annoyed or were they like, you know? They seemed very embarrassed. Okay. They seemed embarrassed by the whole thing. You could see the guy was, he knew me from somewhere. Okay. You know, you got that feeling that he knows you from something, somewhere. Yep.

And the girl was very embarrassed, and he was pretty embarrassed. Well, you've been on ads and stuff now, so presumably, like, they've seen you on a 7-Eleven ad and been like, yeah, that's... And then they just immediately start fucking in front of the TV. Pavlov's dog. Pavlov's cock. Oh, man, we would have got so many velocity points if it wasn't for him. Fuck.

I do love that, though, the image of just this... I think it's kind of beautiful, you know, it's just this like, presumably like, pretty new couple. Yeah. You know,

they're in there and they're like, you know, they're having a little make out before you come out and then they're like, you know, the show's on now,

we gotta, you know, this is rude, we gotta pay attention. Yeah. But they just, they just can't fucking keep their hands up.

Yeah. It's just an odd thing to do. It was a wild show and then at the end, I talked to the usher and they were like, we had to kick them out again because they were fucking in the toilets. Oh, hell yeah.

Wow. They really had something to finish off. Yeah. So I was like, fuck, well, that's all right. At least they had a good time. They're not going to ask for their money back after that. What if they had a capper baby because of you? What if it was bareback in the dunnies?

A capper toilet baby. Just in the cubicle. Is there any other kind? Because that's what happens. You have a baby straight away after you do it. It sounds like you for some reason. Considering how many kids I've got, I think that is how it happens. Oh, no.

I didn't even put it in. I had a girlfriend once who was pretty into, like, doing stuff in public, and I was, like, not into it, but, you know, kind of got introduced – you know, got kind of, like – got kind of dragged into it by her, and then it did start to kind of, like, take in my head where I was, like, you know, getting pretty into the rush. Yeah.

And I can imagine a future if I'd stayed with her where we're just, like, you know, there's – you're always just, like, tackling the next frontier. Yeah. And I can imagine a future if I'd stayed with her where we're just like, you know, you're always just like tackling the next frontier. Yeah, right. And then it's like, let's go, hey, what about if you fucking,

what about if you suck me off at the comics lounge while Nick Camp is on? You know what I mean? Like, I can't imagine a future where if I had to stay with her because it's like,

where does it end up? What if I suck you off on stage during your own comedy festival show? I come out in a little wheelchair like Professor Xavier from the X-Men. You're hiding underneath. I've got a little blanket over my legs. You're underneath. That would be great.

The ultimate con. That is a nice mutant power to get sucked off on stage without anyone noticing. Yeah, totally. And then I win the Barry Award and my acceptance speech is like, guess what, everyone? During this award-winning show, I was being sucked off every night. This isn't even the best award I've got this festival. Yeah, yeah.

Take a look down at this podium. What do you think's happening under here right now? And then Kappa comes out. Hey! Hey, so, Kappa, you just... Oh, actually, sorry. I'll just finish this off real quickly. Like they did in the toilets. Yeah, actually, sorry. I've got to... I'll just finish this story real quickly. Like they did in the toilets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a Sunday. It was the last show of the festival. Oh, yeah. It's a celebration. Yeah, good celebration. Great show. And then Nighty and I and my partner said,

oh, let's go out for pizza on Monday. You know, you have that wind down kind of... You had the festival party, whatever. We haven't had enough pizza During an entire comedy festival Let's go out for some more Yeah let's go out and get some more And 90 suggests the worst pizza place ever It's terrible

One of those places where it comes on In a big square Oh yeah You know just awful And we go there Eagle boys And you would not believe it I love it

You know that horrible tasting pizza Square Squares do taste much worse than rounds Yeah It kind of does And you would not believe it. I love it. You know that horrible tasting pizza? Square. Squares do taste much worse than rounds. It kind of does, honestly. It's a disgusting shit. Right angles. Not good for the mouth. If only someone had a weird pyramid-shaped dick,

then I would be on that thing. Makes no sense. Yeah, makes no sense. I just realised because that's a thing that I don't like. Yeah, makes no sense. I just realised because that's the thing that I don't like. Yeah, yeah. Anyway.

There's the Goli Air influencing you. Well, that's the thing. You never know what I'm going to do. Yeah. This is radical and post-modern. It keeps people watching

just waiting for the punchline. Still hasn't happened. Just keep watching. Let me open this window. Is there a punchline out there? You can argue that it doesn't make sense Not on purpose

He's just throwing Custard pies at himself He's just Got this all wrong It's not slight of hand It's slight mind Slight of brain Watch me pull a rabbit

Out of my head Because there's nothing Else in there I don't do rule of three I do rule of none Rule of none Rule of none's good Pull back and reveal

To nothing Pull back Just pull back I'm just pulling back I don't need to pull back Pull out and reveal Pull out and reveal The baby in the toilet

Anyway You're eating the square pizza At this restaurant Pull out and reveal No dingo Pull out and reveal The baby in the toilet Anyway You're eating the square pizza At this restaurant I was like Is that At the bad square pizza restaurant And the couple were there Really

Oh wow They were on the pizza Fucking I was like On the pizza must have been good They're eating it They're not having Making a small Hawaiian

Of their own I walked past them I've never seen two people look so embarrassed. Oh, wow. Really? They must have been absolutely blind. Yeah, right. And just went for it and realised, fuck.

Yeah, they didn't even, like, not even a, like, remember when that happened? Yeah. Not even that. Like, total embarrassment. Do you reckon they listened to this podcast? Hopefully. Yeah, a huge chance.

I'd love to hear from them. I get it, though. the indignity of being kicked out of a nick capper show yeah a man who looks like he wouldn't be let into most venues and you're not good enough i understand waking up the next day and being like oh man i gotta quit drinking that was really i would have thought bottom stay in one night but they're straight out in the town again the next night straight away i do like the pipeline from yeah nick capper to a square pizza you know what i but they're straight out in the town again the next night straight away I do like the pipeline from yeah Nick Capper to a square pizza you know what I mean they're keeping it very

they're keeping their lifestyle good poor taste two nights in a row yeah things like that are sort of like what you know

but like a sort of lower quality version of them yeah yeah yeah right square pizza equals capper comedy not quite right entertainment

both nights yeah right almost resembles the real thing yeah something a bit off about it equals kappa comedy. Not quite right entertainment both nights. Yeah, right. Almost resembles the real thing. Yeah. Something a bit off about it. I'm crushed. You know?

Not gourmet, not Domino's. Yeah, you're a full crust pizza. The whole pizza is crushed. Slow down, you're making sense now. This is not good. They didn't teach us this in Paris. So many right angles in these jokes. I don't get it.

What's going on? Well, you just come back from Newcastle. As your newly crowned, the first inductee in the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame. Yes. How did you go? How heavy doth the crown wear up there in Newcastle? Yeah, how was the parade? It was awesome. It was, as Matty Johns would say when they won the 97 grand final,

better than Lego. Great. So, Kuz, you actually got in the pub. You did a bit of publicity in the Newcastle Herald. And was it a listener got their journalist partner to then interview you and then get stupid references to the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame in there? Yeah, yeah, that's it.

So there was a listener, and she goes out with a journalist, a really nice guy. I've met him before, Nick Mulligan. Klang. Klang. And he wrote to me and said, hey, mate, I'm going to do the Oz Comedy Hall of fame for this for this newcastle comedy gala yep um i'm gonna do an article on it and i was like oh yeah bullshit and he's like yeah yeah

i'll do it uh whatever you send in i'll put it in i was like all right good luck getting this in right he's like how does it feel you know uh being in the comedy hall of fame winning the first one and i was like i felt i felt. I should be judging this competition. I tutored all of these comedians. I tutored a lot of them. All the nominees. I love that the integrity of Australian journalism is still alive and well. He tutored

David Neveridge and Dickie Nee. He's just going to pick what he wants from it. And then I went on and I further ran. I said, this is so insulting. I'm Australia's oldest comedian. I came out on the first fleet. And I once hosted a gala featuring Captain Cook and Sir Joseph Banks.

And I told them to stick to botany and alcoholism. They were that bad. And I thought, oh, he's not going to print that. Pick up the paper. It's all in there. Front page. Yeah, yeah. Scoop. It's almost like he's not a journalist print that. Pick up the paper. It's all in there. Front page. Yeah, yeah. Scoop.

It's almost like he's not a journalist. Nice guy, though. It's almost like they've got to fill space in this Newcastle newspaper. Yeah, exactly. Because nothing's coming up. Nice guy. Bad at his job, but nice guy. And how did the five people that read that react?

I saw this kind of posted about on the reshed from the Instagram of, like, some Newcastle account that's not affiliated with us or comedy and it was like just talking about you and it was like a snapshot of the article and it's like, oh, and here's Nick Capa talking about his induction into the Australian Music Hall of Fame, which I do like even more. We've got to do that next year. We just do music. Not even a genre, just music.

And then a comedian's in there and wins it. Also, I reckon you may have the worst singing voice out of anyone I know. I reckon you are the worst singer out of anyone I've ever met. Really? Give us a tune right now. What do you want me to sing? What's your favourite song? Do some Prince.

I want to give you diamonds and pearls. There we go. It's all right, Your Honour. It's all right. It's all right. It's okay. And a boy or a girl. You could hide that with a bit of production.

I believe in a thing called love. That'll sort you out. I believe in a thing called love. Carl's right. I reckon with a bit of reverb, a bit of auto-tune, some strong production behind you, you could get a run on Triple J. Talking about... Yeah, I guess it doesn't seem as silly now that we've inducted him

into the comedy hall of fame. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's about as good as both. Yeah, I'd make out during a concert of that. Yeah, well, talking about making out... Oh, they got me real horny. I believe in a thing called love. I got real horny.

My dick went inside myself trying to fuck my mother's liver. Well, guys, comedy royalty. Yes, in Newcastle. I was in Newcastle, right? And we'd done a heap of shows. It was great. We did a Newcastle comedy club. That was fun.

And we did this gala thing. And then there was this guy I met before, Dunny, and he owns this pub in Newcastle called The Lass. And he was bugging... Not the Oriental. Not the Oriental. Yeah. My favourite pub name.

There's a pub named The Oriental still? Wow. Love it. So good. Newcastle, would you believe? Yeah, I would. Most violent town in Australia. And he bugged Brett and I.

He's like, I want you guys to do a 1am set at the pub. You and Brett Blake. So you'd be there invariably anyway, so you might as well do a set. Yeah, so he was bugging us. To do a 1am show. Yeah, so he was bugging us. To do a 1am show. Yeah, 1am show. Because normally, you know, comics, pretty classically, you know, will be drunk in a bar that we've never been before.

And, you know, how many times have you had the conversations like, this place would be fucking great for comedy. You could put the stage over there and you start, like, brainstorming it. So I kind of love that, the immediate pipeline through to like, well, hey, no time like the present. Put your money where your mouth is twinking right now. Tommy, I wish this was one of those situations. Because we're like, you know, the whole Sydney crew of comics were there.

Yep. And we're there and it's gone out of our heads. Like this, he was approaching us the day before, but we're like, who cares? And we're out the back of this pub and it is going off. Like there are two DJs going mental. There are people dancing, fucking making out. It's wild. Two DJs playing simultaneously.

There are two DJs. Sounds awful. Peaking Duck were there. Yeah, Peaking Duck. That was Newcastle's Peaking Duck. Dueling DJs. They were playing big screen. It's going wild.

What's on the screen? I don't know. Just, like, flashing images, screen. It's going wild. What's on the screen? I don't know. Just like flashing images, whatever. It's like... You know what I mean? That shit. And I go in to get a drink. And I know the owner.

And he walks up. He puts $300 cash in my pocket. And he's like, you're doing this set. And it was like 2.30. Wow. In the morning? 2.30 in the morning. And people were on the dance floor in Newcastle.

People were on the dance floor. Notoriously known for its alcohol-fuelled violence. Yes. First town in Australia to bring in no shots after 10 o'clock because of how many people were getting punched. Wow. And this guy wants you to take to a stage. Yes.

At lockout time. Like at the time where if people don't get their drink, that's it. It's all over. Let's stop and listen to Nick Capa. Yeah. Excellent. Comedy hour.

2.30am. A lot of acts won't take the money before the gig because they think it's bad luck. And Dunny should have known that. Because I think I know where the story might be going. I know where I want the story to go. But he's still here. It's also bad luck

to pay Nick Kappa after a gig. It's also bad luck to say yes to a gig from a man called Dunny. Yeah, so I go back to the comics and it is I'm like, they're like, man, do not do it. Don't do it. Like you can't not, and he's the owner's it like don't do it like you can't

not and he's the owner's girlfriend is there and she's like can I get the money back this is the this is the dumbest thing

my boyfriend has ever done and he owns a pub like this is the second dumbest thing he's ever done right

and so when other comics are saying don't do it that's when you know it's going to be bad also so

so the point of this is, so they're what, turning off all the music to make this happen. Is this the idea? They're telling both DJs, shut up. We have the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame inductee, Nick Capper's going to start right now at 2.31. Yeah. Dark Punk, pass off the helmets to you and Brad.

Even if you were Bill Burt, that room wouldn't have given a shit. You know, like you could be the most famous comic in the world and everyone would be like, dude, fuck off. Well, it was hard not to go into Bill Burr mode because, you know, there's that famous set of him, you know, getting heckled and going off the crowd. So it was hard not to go into that mode and go,

because I got up there. But that was Billy's fault. When he had a go at that audience, they were being repugnant pieces of shit. You're the arsehole in this scenario. You're interrupting their good night. I stated that. So this does happen.

They pull the plug on all the music, you hop up on stage, and does someone intro you? Does anyone explain what's happening? Dunny, the owner of the pub, he's got the respect of everybody at 2.30. I know Dunny, great dude explain what's happening? Dunny, the owner of the pub. He's got the respect of everybody at 2.30 in the morning. I know Dunny.

Great dude. Good on you, Dunny. And so he walks on. He goes, okay, guys, we're going to stop the music and we're going to have comedian Nick Capper. How was that received by the audience? Everyone thought it was kind of a funny joke in the first one second. Okay. The first and last that they'll hear.

And then I got just eaten alive. I was like, guys, look, we only got 10 minutes of this, then you can keep dancing. 10 minutes? 10 minutes. Wow. That's an eternity. That is a long time.

It was a long time. That may as well be, once you're going over five, it may as well be four hours. Yeah, absolutely. There's no difference between seven minutes and six hours. I mean, this is a group of people who get bored after about a minute of a certain song. And then the DJ changes it.

Was it like DJ? Were people coming up to the front asking for requests? It's my friend's birthday. Do the 69er bit. Do a bit where at the end it ends up being your mum and dad. Do the kids in the car. Well, what's beautiful about this is that there would have been people in that venue where it's like they've just turned 18,

first night out on the town, how exciting is this? We can legally drink. Oh, I've been hearing about how fun it is to be in bars my whole life. And then they go and it's like this happens. It's like is this what being at a bar is every weekend? Does this always happen? You've potentially turned off a whole group of Novacastrians

on comedy for the rest of their life. And drinking. Going out in general. There's probably some kids with fake IDs who've gone, fuck, not worth it. In fact, it won't come back. Your single act of kindness brought down alcohol fuel violence in Newcastle

by 50%. Well, I could have increased it. A lot of people just started cowed punching themselves. So what are you doing? Make it stop. Make it stop.

So what are you doing? Like, what gear are you, what gear are you doing? I just did, I did a bit of my gear. I did a bit, you know,

alcohol free beer. Why would you want to get fat oh yeah yourself and you don't have to burn it yeah yeah that's great i'll put on the internet um but like you know just and then i did one of tim hewitt's jokes i was like guys because he was in the crowd i thought yeah you know i'm vaping that's then i have a cigarette bit a bit of electric a bit of acoustic. Nice, nice. That's great to actually get up there and be bombing and then go, fuck it, I'm going to take everyone down with me.

I'm going to go up here and use their jokes. More motors will make it a fun set for them to watch, for the comedians to watch. We've talked about it on the show before, but the year that I was at the Falls Festival and Limo went on and the whole thing had run late and there were people there to see a band that was meant to be starting at the time Limo gets on. They're yelling out, where's this band?

And famously just like awful crowd. People are throwing bottles at him. And like two minutes in, he just starts doing street jokes. And we were talking to him about it afterwards and he was like, yeah, you don't send your own kids out to die in battle. I've always kept that in my head. It's like like you know what

If the tide's turning Yeah Yeah why go home Feeling bad about your own gear Yeah Just chuck out The fucking classics Yeah

Well it's two minutes in And I'm just receiving A wall of hate and confusion Yep Like an absolute wall Yeah Eight minutes to go Yeah

Comments are dying And that's what I said I was like Alright guys Ten minutes Okay we've got Nine minutes and thirty seconds to go. Let's keep it going.

And then... Why in your head aren't you going like, oh, this was a bad idea. I'm just going to end it now. I'll just do a minute. Because it was $300. No, it was my sign. Oh, that's true. Yeah, yeah, okay.

And I kind of liked it, to be honest. It was actually one of his better gigs. Yeah, yeah. Dunny knew it was going to go bad. It was full. At the start. Yeah, yeah. Dunny knew it was going to go bad. It was full. At the start. Yeah. Couldn't find a cubicle in there to save your life.

Truck sales went through the roof. Everyone's doing bags. Dunny's like, oh, yeah, well, time to clear them out. This is my game. Oh, yeah, that's good. That could have been it. But, yeah, it, time to clear him out. This is my... Oh, yeah, that's good. That could have been it. But, yeah, it was... Closing time.

Just sing that. Sing that. For 10 minutes. Stop singing. Stop singing. You've got a horrible voice. Yeah, but, yeah, so two minutes in, Dunny goes, Guys, we're very lucky to have him.

Let's just bring this down to a one. And then they just completely started up again. So wait, Dunny gets back on the mic to help you out. To help me out, yeah. Very funny. Wow. This is utterly insane. It was so good.

And then I realized that I thought, because I tried to talk him out of it, but then I thought, oh, this is not for him to get, obviously not for more entertainment. This is like his funny joke that he just wants to see happen. Yes. No, totally. And I started respecting it then. I was like, hell yeah.

Right. And he's clearly one of those publicans that likes to partake in the product as he's serving. Maybe. No one's making that decision at 2. in the product as he's serving. Maybe. No one's making that decision at 2.38. Yeah, he's not sober is my point. Oh, maybe, yeah, yeah. His RSA should be taken away from him.

Not because of the drinking. Because of the entertainment booking. Excuse me, sir, you're breathing totally zero, but obviously you might as well be walking in an Espy. Like a licensee walks in and just goes, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't need to use a breatho here. Someone's been drinking too much. All right, lock him up.

Let's start smashing this. All of a sudden there's another brawl on the streets of Newcastle. You know what would go good here? A pokies room where the stage used to be so that this could never happen again. You know the history of it? I can't remember the name of the pub, but it's one of the most violent nights. I think it was

in the late 70s, maybe 80s. There's a very short doco on them shutting down a pub in Newcastle and then there's just fucking riots on the street and a police car gets turned over and set on fire. And I can't believe that didn't repeat after you took to that stage.

That was close. We didn't turn the car all the way over, but, yeah, we just got it on its side. Because you know what? I fell for this. I saw a post that night on Instagram, another Newcastle friend of ours, and it was, like, a photo of, like, him and a couple of people watching the stage, and it was like, oh, wow,

we feel so lucky to be here for this, like, secret drop-in set that's happening at this pub. And I immediately was like, oh, wow, we feel so lucky to be here for this secret drop-in set that's happening at this pub. And I immediately was like, fuck, who would this? And I was trawling around the venue's Instagram trying to be like, wow. I got suckered in hook, line and sink. I was like, oh, some cool band has popped up. Has Dua Lipa popped into Newcastle to do this gig while Capa and Bret are in town? What's going on? No, it was me. Dua Lipa popped into Newcastle to do this gig while Capper and Bret are in town? Like, what's going on?

No, it was me. Dua Creeper. Dua Creeper. So how was the dismount off the stage at the end of 10 minutes? Well, it was really funny because I was doing the count. I was like, guys, how much do I have left? They're like, five minutes. Five minutes.

And then it got to 10 minutes, right? And I was like, guys, how much do I have left? They're like, five minutes. Five minutes. And then it got to ten minutes, right? And I was like, yes, I'm getting off. Are you guys excited? And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to do it in another minute, right, just to really piss them off. And I thought I'll just do something fun. I'll do something fun.

For a change. Did you get a laugh? Did you get a laugh from this crowd? There was like three to four people up the front. Three? Between three and four?

Won't commit to four. Well, I congratulated them afterwards. You'd be great at group sex. There was three to four. It's called a loose three. Keep a tab on it. Not a good crowd,

but great company. It was three to four people laughing. Well, they're the ones that kept me going. They must have been on something. They kept you going and you couldn't even take a proper inventory of how many. What a way to read the room. Well, there's three to four people laughing and 400 that are throwing balls. What he means is three and he's trying to impress us.

Oh, four. I see. And the comics filming it, that was keeping me going. I was like, guys, there's only seven people here that are here. Oh, and Dunny, so eight. Sure. I've got to say, I'm having a great time doing this podcast with the three to four of you.

And, yeah, so they were kind of enjoying it, but then I decided I'll go. I don't know why. I had a few beers. Oh, I thought you were sober. Okay, all right. I thought it was 2.30 in the morning in Newcastle and you were sober,

making great decisions about your career. I was like, alright, let's get into the real shit. It's been 10 minutes, let's get into the real shit. I was like, guys, fake titties. Steady Eddie. Pull out the stool. Yeah, I went like this, I go, fake titties, not big enough these days.

What? And how were the three to four superfans taking that one? Kind of jumped, kind of jumped over the, not jumped, but kind of just leaned up against a thing and just called me sexist. Oh, that was the point. That was it. It was like, you're sexy.

I was like, I'm sorry you can't deal with my ironic character. The irony is that I have a microphone. Yeah, what is the irony there? You think that fake titties are the right size these days? It's a very Alanis Morissette approach to irony that you've got in your head there. It's like fake titties. Not being big enough. They should be bigger.

It's a comedy set at 1.30 in a pub. Anyway, I got off and I had to just sit side stage, just not walk back into the audience. I was there for about 20 minutes. I'd imagine you would have got mobbed. And all the comics left. Okay. Yeah, you would have been sucked dry if those three to four

people had put their hands on you. Cashman sent me, Cashman filmed the whole set, sent me the whole ten minutes. Nice. And the title of the video is Kappa Taking Bullets.

Great. Incredible. We've got to get this video and release it. Yeah, yeah, I'll put it on my YouTube thing or whatever. What if that's your special?

That's great. That is good. Kappa Taking Bullets in Newcastle. Charge for it. Yeah. Put it on Gumroad. What do you guys reckon? Like, this could be a cool, fun, dumb, dumb thing we should do, right?

But I want to do that. What's that? Comedy. Yeah. You know, comedy to a crowd. I was wondering if I could get a crowd together. Let's try it. I'll try anything once.

Three to four people. I'm in a room. Let's go back to Maribor. That's what I want to do. Yeah, try getting lost in front of some of the worst, most disinterested people. Yeah, we've tried it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've tried it. Yeah. I reckon we find a venue, right? I'll, I'll, I don't know how I'll pay for this, but I'll do. We get three really good cameras, like what you'd film a special on. Yep. Find a venue, 1m at night or whatever and just do this right we have like dumb dumb listeners or whatever we tell them where it's

going to be it's a secret thing or you know and we tell them i don't think it needs to be secret if the gig's at 1 a.m we could fucking broadcast it from the skies no one's fucking coming yeah yeah so what we're going to flash mob a venue? Yeah, and then I just do a set. I do like a 10, 15 minute set. Fucking die, but we've all got it in full HD. Well, that's going to happen regardless. So hang on, your idea is I just do the same thing that I literally just told the story about.

Right. Yeah. But we film it on good cameras. But we pay money to have a film. I just want to make this perfectly clear. I want nothing to do with this. I don't even want to be a part of the continuation of this conversation.

It's so utterly boring to me. I can't think of anything worse than coming out of my house at one o'clock in the morning. I like the story, but then the end of it is... No, you'll be on around ten to one. Alright, you got me. You don't need to film this. You won't wake him up.

You'll come back crying. Who am I? How about we just have this recording of that story and we don't delete it? Yeah, iPhone cameras are good now. That's probably as good as just paying $10,000 for HD cameras. I want fucking Scorsese shit. I want this great. You know what would be good?

The special where it's like the 10 minutes is right at the end, but it's still an hour, and it's just you, what you're doing that evening before you get to the pub at 1am. So it's just you out for dinner, pounding some beer. It's a documentary about you getting really, really drunk before you do a 10-minute set at 1am. I don't mind that.

I reckon, guys, look. Writing material as he's doing a pub crawl, writing a new 10 minutes. It all has to be cooked up from between 7pm and the gig at 1am. And we just see you at all the different events, meeting up with people and you're workshopping Trying out gear on bar flies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that now, we're investing in this. This is great.

This is what I would love to do, something like this. Because I was trying to think you've got to meet in the middle. We're not meeting in the middle. This is our idea. Take it all in. This is the middle. We're in the middle right now. Well, that's the thing.

All the comedy specials now, they're all like pretty tight. You have an alternative idea. Watchable. Produced well, in theatres, with a consenting audience. It's funny, all the comedy specials these days have no dance floor in them. What's going on? There's no owner of Netflix getting up at the start going, guys, stop what you're doing.

You're not actually watching fucking, I don't even know what, owner of Netflix getting up at the start going, guys, stop what you're doing. Come on. You're not actually watching fucking, I don't even know what a show on Netflix is. What is it? I don't even watch it.

The Crown. The Crown. Just getting five minutes into The Crown and going, stop everything, guys. Fuck off,

Prince Charles. Nick Cap is on from now on. Wow, that would be great. If you could broker that deal with Netflix, it's like,

I don't want this to be accessible from the main menu. It has to start playing ten minutes in. That's actually awesome. My wife was in bed watching The Crown last night. That would have been amazing if she had just gone, hang on a minute. Carl, what's happening?

Is this your friend? Why is he in the middle of The Crown? It has to look like you're from The Crown as well. She would be like, all of a sudden, Carl, I'm feeling Randy. People are saying Dominic West's too hot to be playing Prince Charles. Well, this guy's too ugly. Oh, my God. I love this.

I love our idea. I genuinely think that's great. See, I would love to do something that's just fucking produced well, but it's fucking just shit alright well we've already given you

entry into the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame now me and Tommy are the EPs of this new show whatever the

fuck this is that's what it's called whatever the fuck this is it's called Harley Breeze Involved

I reckon you and I directed by Harley Breeze and can we release this we can release this you Sorry, Harley Breed. We can release this.

Where's Cabra? You can see him in the bottom corner. Is there anything with lower standards than YouTube? Is there anything lower than YouTube? We stream it direct on our website. You and I... Okay, this is what we do. You and I, we stump up the money for this, right?

We're not going to get anything from Capa. You and I then keep all the props. We're just paying Capa his standard $300 2am performance fee we already know his fee Kappa's contract is to give him to 300

we're taking all the back end 3 to 4 EPs there's more more EPs more EPs than there are laughs

on this special that's our production company name 3 to 4 EPs 3 to 4 EPs. Three to four EPs. Oh, man. I'm doing a show for Channel 10.

One of my penis, yeah. Any people who are good with film and video and stuff who'd be happy to do this, follow us around for a night. We could do it at 2am. We could do it at Spleen It's got to be on a Friday or Saturday night So it completely has to be a DJ on Yes

Two DJs Another idea, you're in the tux And you start at a pub that's kind of like Slightly suburban And then you're making your way into the city And you're like walking between venue to venue Like into the city in the tux So we kind of plot out a little course for you.

I'm loving this. This is great. This is a special I've always wanted to do. This is great. You haven't done anything absolutely fucked in the head for this show for at least two weeks. So finally, we're going to get you to work for us. And you know what I told my fiance? I was like, no more dumb adventures.

Sorry, babe. No more dumb adventures. Sorry, babe. No more dumb adventures. I'm just going to work in the fabric factory, do gigs at night. I'm not going anywhere. And then I'm already doing a pub crawl where I'll probably just destroy my already destroyed career. Just burning the coals. Burning the embers. I want you to know I mean this from the bottom of my heart

This will be the last time I ever talk about this I am not going to be involved in any way or check in to see how it's gone We've lost the EP Now we're

two to four EPs Oh no I'll still turn up with the cash I just don't want to know about it You want to talk about it Right Happy for the money

to hit my account Absolutely But I will not be having any discussions about it. It's like, who's the other producer? Harland Brenmeister. Well, let's... So you've just come off the back, so that's great. We'll lock that in.

We'll start work on that. We'll start post-production. Pre-production. I can't wait to be a film producer. Yes. Oh, man. I can't wait for the casting couch where we just get sucked off by Kappa. Can we get some chairs made for you guys?

We've got to take the... Oh, yeah. We're close to the... We don't need to make chairs. What's happening now? Come on. Get some woodworkers together. Well, there is not a lot of budget

in this show, is there? Oh, you know what? Okay, you know what? This film, we get it and we're like, genuinely, this started as a joke but it's a masterpiece. We enter it into the Cannes Film Festival.

It gets in. It gets in. We take it over to the Cannes Film Festival. You go, this is a great piece of outsider art. Yeah, exactly. And then you always hear about those like, someone breaking the record for standing ovation. We get that. We're like, you know, 25 minute standing ovation, minute 18 of the standing ovation.

We send Kappa out to do a set. Do you always need standing ovation? And they get pissed off to do a set. Do you need standing ovation? And they get pissed off. We're trying to clap here. You can't. All right, guys, fake titties. Not round enough, in my opinion. Oui, oui.

Oui, oui. It's good to be back where I was trained. So what I love about this is So you went to Newcastle You went to a comedy vessel You flew up there This reminds me of something That I haven't mentioned

On the show before Something that your That your fiancé Told me Because you have a relationship Where she She's the brains of the outfit Isn't she?

Yeah she is She organises a bunch of Why'd you ask that question? He doesn't want to be a part of anything, gets him. So she'll organise a bunch of stuff that you do, including travel. Now, she told me that she booked you for a flight to Perth a while back,

but because it auto-filled, it auto-corrected, and she didn't notice as it was happening, she booked you a flight to Perth, but then accidentally it had auto-corrected by putting the name of your last special in as your name. So then all of a sudden you had a return flight to Perth under the name Nicholas Pork Palace. That was your ticket to Perth under the name Nicholas Pork Palace. That was your

ticket to Perth and she had to ring up Qantas and explain the situation and the person pissed themselves that much that they go, we usually charge you but that is so fucked in the head. We'll just do the change for free. That is so great. Oh man, well it's better

than my latest special. It would have been on a ticket. Nick Capper taking bullets. Oh yes. I thought you were going to say it just like You know, it's better than my latest special. It would have been on a ticket, Nick Capper taking bullets. Oh, yes. I thought you were going to say it just like it auto-filled her name. No. You would think that would be the more common auto-corrected. That makes more sense. But then in this day and age, you having to turn up and be,

I don't know, you probably don't want to say your partner's name, but you having to turn up and just say female name at the airport, it's like, hey, hey 2022 no one can question it just like oh well sometimes they even question Selma Hayek's name which is weird

it's my partner wow well you picked a 55 year old woman as your ideal partner she's got an immediate head up she's a

save this for 2am it's 20 next Saturday no she does she's a beautiful lady she's hot. Sorry, guys. I didn't put enough steps in the bit. Yeah, no.

There was a lot wrong with that. I'm looking around the room going, is there a Selma Hayek book or something? I thought I would just explain to three full-time comedians, what me, part-time comedian, how comedy works. I liked it. Now that you've explained it, I actually get it. Yeah, it was...

You should have just tried to get on the flight as Nick Pork Palace. Yeah. They wouldn't have even cared. They would have said, well, the pilot's here. Would have jumped on it. Again, is that another Selma Holt reference? And Carl, nice of you, but you're saying she's calling Qantas. Come on, brother.

Oh, no, you're right. Come on, brother. Yeah, I think you're right. Come on, brother. Yeah, I think Tiger was just... What's that? Do you want Bonza Airlines or whatever? Oh, man. The one that's just launched. I just started following them.

And it looks awesome. Is that what it's called, Bonza? Bonza. It's something... And they have the best beer selection on an Australian airline. It's a good move. It did make me go... It's all craft beer.

That's what made me. We got Chappie's chips on board. I'm like, all right, I'm listening. I'm interested. Because Crafty Pint put it up, which is a, Crafty Pint's the sort of beer news Australia, independent beer news. And I was like, oh, fuck, you've sold me, Bonza.

Yeah. And you know you're on an airline that's possibly going to drop out of the sky when their uniforms are t-shirts. You're like, oh. Great. But good beers on the way down. But I will say,

it is one of those old world things that kind of doesn't make sense where you go, yeah, why are the people serving me a fucking gym beam at six in the morning wearing a suit? There's really not much reason for this. No, it's ridiculous.

Might as well get a t-shirt on the way to Toowoomba. Yeah, a holdover from the 70s that's but also just don't serve me just can like i reckon on a one to two hour flight there's just we don't need any of you yeah that would just i would love all of you just true low-cost airline that's like we have like one or two less flight crew and we pass the savings on to you if you're an adult that can go 11 go 11am until midday without needing a fucking snack and a drink, you can pay 50 bucks less for the airline. I couldn't agree more.

I don't know if this is airline related, if I've got time for this, but I had the dumbest thing I think. I fly a lot, and this is the dumbest thing that's ever happened to me on a flight. I get on flying Melbourne to Brisbane. I was going to my brother's farm, so I took my big wide brim hat because I knew I was going to my brother's farm, so I took my big wide-brim hat

because I knew I was going to be out in the sun doing a bit of work. I get on, I sit down, I put my hat under the seat in front of me, as is the recommendation. Because the reason for that, putting it under the seat in front of you, if you hit turbulence,

my woolen hat could break someone's face. Right? Right. Anyway, I'm already fucking, I'm coming in hot to this story because I'm still genuinely pissed off by it. Put my hat under, I put my headphones in because I have zero need to listen once again to the dribble

about how you might survive if this thing crashes. We're going to fucking die. Shut the fuck up. There's a whistle on the vest. Alright, let's go through everyone's material. They make the whole plane. Anyway, so we take off.

We land in Brisbane. I reach down to get my hat to get off the plane. The hat's not there. I'm like, what the fuck's going on here? So I tap the lady in front. I'm like, hey, can you see my hat? And she goes, oh, it's up with the lady at the front. I'm like, well, that just seems idiotic. Like, I don't even know why that's happened, but, it's up with the lady at the front. I'm like,

well, that just seems idiotic. Like, I don't even know why that's happened, but I don't bother having that argument. She's wearing it on the front going, look at me, I'm Harley Quinn. Look at me.

I'm farming in the sky. So, I plant potatoes in the cloud. I go up and I go, hey, my kids are in the car. My wife took it and you fucking know. Fucking mention the war.

So I got the front, and I go, hey, the idiot in front of me found a hat under her seat. Aeronautical term. And handed it in, can I have my hat back? And she goes, oh, no, that's in Melbourne. I went, what? See, that reaction. That's insane. I said, what do you mean?

She goes, we made an announcement. And I went, it's under the seat in front of me. Yeah, we didn't know whose it was. Why didn't someone tap me on the shoulder? Fuck, whatever. There's no point having an argument, right? So I go down To baggage services In Brisbane And say

Can you please Call baggage services In Melbourne And let them know That the hat That the genius Can you ring The millinery

Department Of Avalon Airport So that woman Does that I'm like Thank you very much Five days later I leave my brother's farm

I fly back to Melbourne I go to baggage services I'm like Hey I'm just here To get my hat I know where this is going They're like No idea what you're talking about

I'm like Pardon me So then I go back I've been back like hey I'm just here to get my hat I know where this is going they're like no idea what you're talking about I'm like pardon me so then I go back I've been back to the airport about four or five times since I've gone every time back to baggage services both from Virgin to Jetstar

and even lost property just from Melbourne airport no fucking hat so I write a note and I keep it really nice hi Virgin how you going a crazy thing

what a fag hi Virgin hi Virgin hi Virgin hang on was this And I'd keep it really nice. Hi, Virgin. How you going? A crazy thing. What up, slags? Hi, Virgin. Hi, Virgin. Hi, Virgin. Hang on. Were you trying to insult someone that worked for Qantas, though? It was to Qantas.

As if I'd write to Qantas. They've got no staff. So I write and I use the phrase, a bit of a comedy of errors. I'm trying to not be harsh. Write it off. There you go. Shakespeare himself. It's a funny old life. I send a screenshot of the hat.

It's $120. A screenshot of the hat. Because in the complaint section, you can. I have seen that. You submit and you give your bank. You can do an artist sketch of your lost jumper. Yes, you can. You can do anything.

Right? So I just send a picture of the hat. And it's $129, this hat, to replace the hat. I thought you meant to complain. Fuck it up. No, that was $500. Right? But I used points.

Anyway, so then I get this fully passive-aggressive email back from Virgin saying that it is your responsibility to take care of your items. Fantastic. You know, it's not on the staff and blah, blah, blah. And then I wrote back a not very nice response. And the guy's name was Rex. So I just kept saying, well, Rex. This is confusing.

Rex works at Virgin. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was confusing. There's a photo back of the CEO wearing your hat going, look at me, I'm Holy Grail. I said at some point in that, I said, I've spent a small fortune with Virgin. You know you're in a good place with complaints when you're letting them know

that you think that you've propped their business up by how many times you fly. Absolutely. They're like, oh, no, Harley Breed's not flying with us. Well, I did say I'd threaten to not fly with you ever again, Rex, but I think we both know that's full of shit. I do like the idea of an email being just forwarded to Richard Branson going, fuck, can you sort this one out? Sort it out.

Rex, get on the Concorde. We need you down here in operations. We're going to lose two Melbourne to Toowoombas a year if we don't fix this problem. I've got to say, this story to me, you know what it reeks of? Tall people privilege. Because the idea say, this story to me, you know what it reeks of? Tall people privilege. Because the idea is someone who's significantly shorter than you, that you could live a life where you're not aware of everything

that is going on around your feet at all times. Oh, yeah. Like, if that's me. That's a long way away from me. Yeah, if I've got something, if I've got a little hat down at my feet, if it moves an inch, I'm all over it. I'm completely aware. I'm so close to that level.

So I'm jealous of you being far enough away that you're like, yeah, I don't know. I just can't get my head around the woman who got the hat under her seat and just went, I wonder who the fuck this is. Might be a bomb. Uh-oh. Hey, I found the hat. Yeah.

I found a hat. No, totally. It's crazy. She gets a free wine. Oh, you found the hat. Yeah. I found a hat. No, totally. It's crazy. She gets a free wine. Oh, you found the hat. This plane could have crashed. That's on the wrong side. You get the spotter's fee.

You found the hat. That's the influx of entertainment. Find the hat, everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the only reason I'm telling this story on this podcast is I hope that one of your dumb fuck fans works for that company and knows that story. That's all. So you didn't? So you, wait, you never got the hat back? Shout out to all your dumb fuck fans. for that company and knows that story. That's all. So you didn't – wait, you never got the hat back?

Shout out to all your dumb fuck fans. The hat's gone. The hat's – Hat's gone. All right. It's over. I won't get it because they said – I just wrote back and said I won't be pursuing this any further.

This is ridiculous. I thought it was going to be an immediate, oh, yeah, what a fuck up. And are you dropping in the emails like, you know, work in the media? No, I did not pull any of that shit. Well, yeah, I'm going to get a spot on the project just to talk about my hat. It wouldn't shock me. Slow enough news day wouldn't shock me. Yeah, Wiley Darligeus goes, there's something I need to talk to you about.

I want my rabbit fur hat back. Yeah. I want my rabbit fur hat back. Yeah, I was on a flight recently. All right, mate. All right, Mr. Pallas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was sitting next to a pilot.

I wasn't flying the plane. You got beyond 1A. You got 0A. You just got your colouring off. They go, oh, this bloke looks a bit simple. We'll put him in the plane. You got beyond 1A. You got 0A. You just got your colouring up. I walk in and they go, oh, this bloke looks a bit simple. We'll put him in the front. You need to keep an eye on this guy. Let's put him in the cockpit.

He can't cause any drama there. I went over to my partner and I go, I got to fly the plane. She goes, sure you did. We all get to fly the plane. Guess what? They do make it out of the black box. You get to fly the plane.

Oh, was it yellow? Did it have four wheels? That wasn't a plane. It was a time zone. It was the best. By the way, you're wearing a jumper that matches the couch, and I can't stop thinking about it. It's pretty good.

Yes, yellow on yellow. But I was sitting next to it, and the guy had the little pilot shirt. You know, what is it? I shouldn't call it the little pilot shirt, but it had one of those stripes on the side. You could tell he was just transiting. Wow. You haven't worked for a while, have you, mate?

Uniform. You struggled on that word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it called? Little pilot shirt. A thing that someone wears to a job. And then they wouldn't take offence at that. Work material.

They're like, I only went to flight school for five years to get it called a little pilot shirt. Little pilot shirt. Oh, wow, you've got the little shirt now. You've got the little pilot shirt with the stripes on it. Like the carpet, but with buttons and on my body. What do you call that? Smock?

You know curtains. The doona. Have you ever seen them in a different shape? Imagine if you were a house and you've got curtains on you like that. Like that. The small robe. The small robe. Like the sausage roll.

It's got the pastry around it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that but for work. But with a zip on the pastry. It's a little dress that you can tuck into your trousers. I want women put on

for their fun day. But for men. But for men. But for men who are going to earn money. It's a kilt with sleeves. I want to play Pictionary with Nick Gaffer.

That could be part of the special. Oh, please. That's the after party at 2.30. Ten minutes of Pictionary. We're going to take a quick break and then we'll be back with Pictionary. And what will you be wearing for the special? Just some fabric that's... You know.

Yeah. Have you seen a hot air balloon? You know, the stuff... Hang on, on the credits, why does the wardrobe department have a translator? I'll have, like, a skirt, and that'll be sewed to socks that go over your arms. Why are there 18 dialect coaches in this special?

Why is Siri thanked 18 times for the credit? Fucking hell. Anyway, I lost my hat and my coat. And my will to live.

So yeah, sit next to the pilot. Don't finish this story. This is the end of the story. Save it for the special. Save it for the special Alright, should we wrap it up? That's a good one I'm prepared not to go on

I don't know why Well, Tommy and Carl I was only too happy to come and be part of the Make-A-Wish for Kappa Helping a little buddy out. All right, guys. Is that really it? Yeah.

I've got nothing. I came here with a page full of content and I've used none of it. Yeah. Hey, a great day at the office. Wearing whatever the, you know, like a sausage. But like for an office. If there's two sausages on the side of a sausage and it's wearing like a sausage. But like for an office.

If there's two sausages on the side of a sausage and it's wearing like a thing. Another sausage but littler and different. All right, Nick Capper and Harley Breen, thank you very much for joining us. Harley Breen's got a special out. An actual special. An actual one. Filmed it.

8pm. There's a crowd that likes you. Yeah. Yeah,med it. 8pm. There's a crowd that likes you. Yeah, not in. They weren't even dancing to a DJ before I came on. I do have a special called Flat Out on Paramount+. Go and check it out. I did some acting at the top and the end. A little sketch before.

Just a tiny little, it's just a walk on. Love it. Sounds lame. A little sketchy. In front of people little it's just a walk on. Love it. You know. Sounds lame. A little sketchy. In front of people that love you that came for you. Yeah boring.

It was pretty safe. Pound Mouth Plus good service. Lots of stand up specials on there. Yes. Your South Park. Yeah.

Beavis and Butthead. I've got three things on there. Oh really. Taboo and making it and flat out. Yeah. Don't sleep on

Pound Mouth Plus. It's good. Yeah it's alright. It's not bad. The official Harley Breen station. And it's cheap as It's not bad. The official Harley-Broom station. And it's cheap as shit, by the way. Paramount Plus,

cheaper than the other streaming. Stuff is on Paramount. You've got the FA Cup if you want to watch that. And that's me. So I'll have that from January through

to whenever Liverpool get beat. Well, watch me then. Okay, I will. Kappa, what have you got? You've got the Phone Hacks podcast. I've got the Flat Stick podcast with Brett Blake.

And also, I'm putting heaps of videos up on my YouTube. Not near as good a quality as Harley's special. But you can watch it for free. You don't have to pay. What have you got to pay? Some exorbitant amount for Paramount Plus? I think it's like $89 a year. Yeah, we get out of that.

You can watch my YouTube channel and get, I don't know, 80 Snickers. out plus. I think it's like $89 a year. It's not bad. We get out of that. You can watch my YouTube channel and get, I don't know, 80 Snickers. Or, by the way, shut up, Kappa, you can get seven days free

trial. I'm not suggesting you just get that seven days free trial, watch my special, and then delete it, but, you know, it's possible.

Make your own choices. It's an option. I might actually do that. Yeah, why not? I might watch your special and then delete it. Yeah, cool.

Delete YouTube off your phone. I might watch your special and then delete myself. You're not the first one to say that. How is your fiancé? I'm always surprised when people watch it. My brother came back from his school reunion. He goes, oh, a couple of my mates I went to school with, they watch your special, they liked it.

I was like, oh, cool. People watched it. Man, your next year's show will be on sale soon, surely. And it is, look, it's not a long boat to say, man, big tip for next year's comedy festival because it's been delayed a little bit because you've been a little bit poorly, but you've been working on it for quite a while.

And the stuff that you have so far is fucking great. And as long as you pull your finger out and get a great last 20 minutes, I reckon it's going to be one of the biggest, hottest shows of the festival. He's going to get Best Newcomer. Yes. Because it'll be like he's just... What's his first show? I'm actually doing a show I'm doing kind of

a rough of it if you're in the Geelong area I'm doing like a like a yeah like a yeah it'll be a fun night I don't know who's going to MC it yet

but you're going to go look fuck that who cares about that on the 15th don't fucking promote your trials do your fucking festival so where are you going to go

are you going to go Melbourne and Adelaide, I guess? Melbourne, Adelaide and Perth. So get it all on sale, Kappa, and then people will buy the tickets. I highly recommend it because you've been killing it around the scene. It is extremely funny shit. Except for Newcastle. Yes, yes.

Well, to be honest, I don't want to blow my own horn, but I had all good sets after that, I mean before that. Yes. And the beautiful maiden that comedy is, it's just like, you know what? I'm going to make you end on an absolute stinker. I would not blame comedy for that behaviour. That is on you and Dunny. You did send me a message that said, man, I've had such a charmed run.

I'm just waiting for one bad gig. And you got it maybe two hours after you sent me that message. So go and get a ticket to fucking hurry up and put your show on sale because people should absolutely should go and see it because it's going to be really good.

Yeah, and if people could subscribe to the YouTube channel that'd be great. Stop trying to do ads for ways in which you get no money. These fucking trial shows on YouTube.

Buy a ticket to Nick Capa's show. Live. Same live. At the festivals. Yes. Alright guys. Thanks very much for listening and Capa's show. Live. Same live. At the festivals. Yes. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening

and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Yes, they have. Yes, yes, yes, they have. Yep. Bernard's. Bernardo.

The great Bernardo's really got into a barrel punt there. Fun app. Yeah. I am back from Bangkok. Was going to just talk to Nick Capper about what he missed out on, and we never even got to it, so I'll have to delay it all. The best laid plans of mice and dumb cunts.

But I had a nice little laugh cry there instead, so it was all worthwhile. Oh, man. Good fun. Yes, very good. What else is there to say? Hey, not a lot. Have you eaten, Tommy? I have.

Yeah. Yeah. I kind of got up and did the maths and went, oh, yeah, I better just slam a breakfast burrito. Me too. Not my ideal choice. Bit too much in the belly too early on. Wasn't wrapped about it. But it was just kind of the most convenient thing nearby with the time I had.

I did a very bad choice. I came down. Now, look, you're in a bit of a fruity end of town, I'll be honest. Fruity? Yes. Okay. West Hollywood. It's a part of town where you got some funny dress people you got some funny ideas about things i didn't really

you're really aging yourself with statements like that well that's fine because if that's old then i'm happy being old because the people are old the people I'm dealing with, I'm like, fuck me. Jesus fucking Christ. I went to go to the place I like to go to near your place. Too many people. Too many people in there. Too busy. Too busy. Okay.

So I went into a place without fully inspecting it. And it had a sign at the front saying toasted sandwiches. Easy. Done. I toast a sandwich that time of the morning. Get one of them in me. I'm good for the three hours of content or so that we're currently in the middle of. It ends up being, and maybe you know this place.

It's not very far from your place. It's a combo. Can you remember what it was called? No. Okay. But I'll tell you the combo that it sells. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'll tell you the combo that it sells.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alternative clothing, tattooing, and coffee and sandwiches. Oh, yeah. That place looks like shit. Yes. I would never go in there in a million years. Yes. That's on you. Well, that's where I went.

It was a weird... That little strip of near where I live is like... I think you've mentioned before on the show that you want to get into this at some point maybe just in the guts of an ep but like cursed shop yes just buildings where it doesn't matter it's been through like you know four or five different types of business and just nothing can succeed there and that strip along there it's kind of a whole strip right one end of the street super bustling bars and like restaurants and clothing shops that have been there you know like 20 years

and never changed other end of the street huge turnover and obviously you know the last couple of years there's been places open and then we've gone into lockdown like the next day so it's like all right that's you know they've had it they've had it tough from the get-go they've had their work cut out for them but that place in particular it had like i remember it had it was all kind of like um you know you couldn't see in it was all like windows kind of like boarded up but then they had like a coming soon and the logo looked kind of funky and the name was kind of cool and i thought okay this i don't know what this is going to be but this looks like the design the graphic design around the logo and everything.

This looks cool. This could be a cool bar or something right near my house. I'd be into that. And then it opened up and it's like, it's always crazy to me when something is new and looks like shit. Yes. And you go, you've put presumably most of your savings into this. Yeah. High risk venture.

Yeah. And then it's like, you've just not thought for one second about the interior design of this place. It is absolute dog shit. And I went in there, like I said, all I saw was the blackboard out the front saying toasted sandwiches. Easy. How bad could it be? Pretty bad, apparently. So I went in there and like the old rule of thumb, try not to eat at a place that does too many things at once. If it's saying we do Chinese, fish and chips and Indian, well, they're probably not going

to do any of them very well. No. Well, this place, I don't reckon, I didn't, look, I saw their clothing. That wasn't for me. Yep. I had their sandwich. Wasn't for me. Probably won't be going in there for a tattoo either.

Well, no, I would argue if those two aren't up to scratch, well, the tattooing is where the skill is at. Odds are. Maybe the rule of three. Maybe that's it. Yeah. Maybe that's the one. I would think they're tattoo artists.

Yeah. And they're good at that. And then they thought, hey, let's branch out. Let's add some other stuff to the portfolio. Yeah. Well, I'm just not going to trust them. I don't know. I mean, having the sandwich there and then looking up.

We're talking about this as if you were in the market for a new tattoo before you went there i could i thought if the sandwich had have been if the sandwich had have been the best sandwich you've ever had yeah would that have made you go you know what tommy you gotta not the podcast back by two hours well i'm on the table right now getting the tat in hindsight if i had ordered once i ordered the sandwich i maybe could have got a tattoo by the time the fucking sandwich came out. I mean, going there when it obviously looks like shit from the outside. And not only that, you really are that stretch.

You're in a bit of a golden triangle of ripper sandwich options, in my humble opinion. Well, I did not see any of them open when I was walking past, which was a big shame. Because I would love to have gone to any of the other ones. But that was the one that was open and was not... What did you get? My nerves... Chicken pesto. Okay.

And my nerves were further jangled by the fact I could vaguely see at the back and it did not look good. And they had on sale... And, you know, it's just one of those things. It's not like a guarantee that this is going to happen or anything, but it just doesn't help the vibe when, like I said, I've seen the blackboard. I haven't really – I ordered off the street, and then I walked in and went, oh, what have I got myself into here?

Oh, so a little window on the street that you order through, and then you go in to wait. Yes. Okay. It looks – I mean, yeah. Yeah. Such prime real estate in somewhere that's so shitty looking where you go, this can't be cheap. How are they making a go of it?

I just don't get it. I get it if you try to make it shitty looking if you're a clothing shop maybe or whatever. But when you're serving food, so I went in there and then the first T-shirt for sale that's against the wall, as I've already ordered and it's just starting to dawn on me what decision I've made here. The first shirt that I see is just a shirt that just says, I can't wait to die. I'm like, cool. Chicken pesto should go well, I reckon.

I might go and buy that. That sounds up my alley. Wearing that on stage would be pretty great. Coming out, people seeing that, alright. Well, yeah, get ready. Anyway, so that's what I've got in my guts half of that before it went straight in the bin well i want okay well i won't go to that place that i was never going to go to anyway well i didn't say that i didn't say don't go there i'm

just observing that it's there feel free to go there and maybe i've just judged it all wrong yeah happy to be proven wrong yep but I doubt I am yeah yeah maybe I mean I should do my own research I'm a big fan of it yes

yeah I got a little breakfast burrito from the place just around the corner they do a fucking absolutely wonderful breakfast burrito would have been nice

to have known really tasty but it's yeah it's it's a heavy one it was that annoying thing where I was like I am not hungry.

But I know how this is going to go. So I've got to overstuff myself now. Yeah, I'm not hungry now. So that's something. I'll get myself. You know what? Racing out of here at this time usually has to do with talking dumb-dumb. It's like whatever's first there, I'll grab.

Now I'm just going to take my time walking down Smith Street on the way home. You will still get something? Yeah, I'll get something. Do you ever have to take my time walking down Smith Street on the way home. You will still get something? Yeah, I'll get something. Yeah. Do you ever have this happen? This is driving me crazy at the moment. So there's a little food works opposite my little studio where I'm doing my paintings at the moment. And I'm a big fan of a very specific type of drink.

They've got the San Pellegrino blood orange flavor. All right. Love it. And I have bought them out. Oh. Like, I'm going in there most days and getting, you know, I'm getting a bit like, you know, a bit restless in the studio. I go for a little walk, get a San Pellegrino, come back.

And so they're gone now. They're out. And every day I'm going in, still none there. And I'm just there going, it's annoying because it's like, surely you get that the demand is there, even though they wouldn't piece together that it's just like one person going in. But I'm just like going like, it's been weeks now. It's like, when the fuck are you getting more of this drink in?

I did that with the caramel chocolate paddle pop last summer. Went to the one server in Bridge Road and just bought the entire freezer out of that and then was thinking the same thing. But you mean just day after day? Yes. Like, yeah. Yeah, one by one. are out of that and then was thinking the same thing but you mean just day after day like yeah yeah it's weird isn't it when you know like i look at that shelf and i go i had all of them like the the like all the other cans like how far back they go yep i'm pretty sure i know for a fact i don't reckon anyone else has come in in the interim and had one it's all me but that's that's

the thing the same as me where i i eat them all and then I go, fuck, why haven't they ordered any more in? And then you go, hang on, I'm the only person in Australia that's eating these. That's why. Like, they're not making any more because every other shop outside of Bridge Road is chockers with them. I'm the only one fucking, I'm just eating certain stores out of them. But this place, it's like a whole bit of the shelf that's just empty for weeks.

Isn't anyone walking past and being like, oh, okay, we're out of them them yeah we better get more in well if we've sold out of them you might sell out again you might be ready you might be about to find out that they're discontinuing because you're the only person having them yeah no i find that hard to believe really they're they're rare but it's the san pellegrino brand it's not some like you know it's not obscure yeah well that's what i'm saying. It's Paddle Pop brand. Yeah. They still decided to not go with the Choc Caramel option beyond last summer.

Yeah, that's true. No, I think this has been a, yeah, I can't see this being discontinued. Although, yeah, it could have happened. But, yeah, I find it hard to believe. But now I'm getting into the territory where it's like, how long until I'm going in there and being like, guys, I hate to do this. You've got to get on the phone. You've got to get onto the distributor and get more of these in. Because I'm here.

I'm ready to give you two bucks most days of the week. Guaranteed. Have you thought about going wholesale and finding out the distributor? As I'm saying it, I'm thinking like, maybe that is the next move. I started doing that in lockdown when Dan murphy stopped selling oh yeah yeah i started buying in slabs of chang and slabs of even the singer carbonated water well is it is it the same for you with the um with the paddle pop where okay that's not there that's very annoying but then the thing about the san pel is it's like it's flavored but it's not like a full soda you know it's like it's flavoured but it's not like a full soda.

You know, it's like it's kind of like flavoured soda water. So you're looking at everything else on the shelf and it's like, I don't want any of this. I don't want a Coke. I don't want a Sunkist. I don't want anything like that strong and that sugary. You know what I mean? There's literally nothing else on the shelf that's scratching the itch.

Is that like you with the Paddle Pop where it's just like i don't want the just the caramel it's not the same yeah i'm not after an ice cream i'm after this ice yes exactly nothing else is going to quench me in quite the same way it is just such a shame that i just saw it go out of existence to go man they're just not wasn't enough love for it so you know that it's you know for a fact that it's just truly, it's gone. It's gone. Wow. Yeah.

But maybe it's one of those things where it's like, you know, the McRib or whatever, where they just like, every four years they get to go, guess what, you little pigs. Yeah. The choc caramel's back. Hopefully. Yeah. You know what, I might write a letter to them and just ask the actual story behind it because it was the best.

That would be a good feeling. Getting a, being solely responsible for getting a product back on the shelves. Yeah. It would be a great feeling. But you've got to do one of those things where it's like, you know, 10 years later, because then everyone's brain gets a bit foggy and go, oh, yeah, violet crumbles are the best.

They were really good. Yeah, and then when they come back, they go, oh, that's right. No one's buying them. That's why we discontinued them. I had a sesame bar the other day. You ever have one of them? No, two. You know what they are, though, right? Yeah, where? They ever have one of them? No, two. You know what they are though, right?

Yeah, where? They're just one of those things where you see them and I was like, I'm going to get one of them. And then I was just thinking like, that's another product where it's like, how many of these are they selling? Like they're a thing that you know that everyone you know knows the existence of. You never see someone eating one. No one ever talks about them. No one ever suggests them like that one that i got the other day i was like this could have been sitting here for like

seven years for all i know never had a coconut rough never had a sesame bar summer summer roll never had a summer roll okay yeah plenty of plenty of stuff like that i've just never had should start uh you should have like a little month where you just like... Oh, yeah. Once a day, you just go something off the rack that you never would have purchased otherwise. But it's been there for a while. Yeah. A thing that you know, a thing that you've always seen. You'd end up finding a new favourite, I reckon. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not bad. Because even me saying coconut rough, I'm like, I like coconut. I like it rough. Maybe I'd love this. Yeah, coconut's a fucking winner of a flavour. Yeah, I like coconut. I like it rough. Maybe I'd love this. Yeah, coconut's a fucking winner of a flavor. Yeah, I love coconut. We could maybe get into this a whole other time, but something that I've gotten obsessed with,

which you may have even, maybe you could go here for lunch today. You might have even seen it on the walk to my house. Now, it's replaced a restaurant that wasn't there for too long. So, you know, you might have to get in quick with this place. Maybe this venue's cursed. I don't know. But it's a place near my house.

It's called Solo Pasta. No. Pasta by the meter. Oh, really? Yep. I like it. Yep. Yeah, right.

And you've had it? I've had it. Yeah. So, the default size is like three meters is like a regular bowl. Right. But the way they're pitching it is like, you know, how long is a piece of string? Right. If you want more, you just pay this much per meter.

Okay. And it comes out, it's Pappadel. It's like one big long strand. My favorite. So that element of it is pretty weird. There's no, you can't really get your fork in and twirl it up. Yep. You're having to like cut it yourself because it's all one big long strand.

But then the source choices they've got, Carl, they're really going for it okay they got your standards if you want a bolognese or a carbonara you're catered for but you know what else you can get what green curry wow yeah okay i like it yep yeah so i went in i always visit the green you know what i had a very small green curry spaghetti when i was in Thailand last week. I got a curry chicken pasta. Oh, yeah? Nice. That was like a kind of a sesame sauce. Right.

Some shallots in there, some peanuts. Wow. Yeah, it was good. Okay, I'm interested. It was good. You're getting a lot of different options on the menu. Okay. And I looked this place up.

I walked past it before I'd gone in. And there's one in Perth that's really been kicking off. Right. So they've gone, all right, if it's good enough for Mount Lawley, it's good enough for Smith Street. Yeah, right. But yeah, you know what? I was in there. It hasn't been open for too long.

I was in there Saturday evening. I was on my way to a party. Mount Chewett. Yep. The only place that I remember because Xavier Michaelides would always say it. And I always thought he was making it up. But then he wasn't. Mount Chewitt.

Yes, Chewitt. Because I thought he meant chew as in C-H-E-W-I-T. The Mount Chewitt. Yeah. That's great. It's not. It's not. It's Chewitt.

Well, maybe, yeah. Look, maybe we have some WA listeners who are familiar with Solo Pasta, but they're making, you know, they're staking their claim over here in the east. The home of pasta. The home of pasta, exactly. I was over there early Saturday evening, probably about 6.30 or so on a Saturday, and it was fucking pumping in there. Wow.

Lots of big family dinners. Word has gotten out early about Solo Pasta. Okay. Pasta by solo pasta. Okay. Pasta by the meter. Right. It's a good ad. It's a good ad for it. Well, what I like about it is like it's –

Because we're used to like going to pizza by the meter. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Which – well, the funny thing about this is that like it's kind of an invisible ceiling because it creates the illusion that you can have as much pasta as you want. But that's just not true you know normally it's like oh a large bowl that's where it caps out but here they're like how much can you eat right and it's like you can't go in there and be like oh just give me a

kilometer thanks i'm famished i skipped lunch just a half marathon for me i like the idea that there's i mean i'm presuming you can do half a meter but i like the idea more than you can't you've got it you've got to pick the one meter the two meters or three meters well no so the standard ball is the three meters that's just like that's that's what they're working with is the default size right and then every meter because i got very stressed about it i was like well what what do you i don't know what yeah what can i but they they've never had that measured in that way exactly they they do that legwork for you. Three metres is the standard,

and then every metre beyond that, $4.50. Right. So that's the one thing about it. It's not cheap. It's not cheap in there at Pastor by the metre. Okay. Presumably because if they want to say, hey, you can get as much as you want,

they have to have basically infinite amounts of flour on hand at any one time. Right. For someone who comes in and goes like, give me the ultra marathon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just have to get the full fucking workbench. Give me a couple of miles. It's like, that's not how we work in here. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. The fucking Canadians. No, the fucking Americans always coming in. Yeah. Anyway, shout out to Solo Pasta. I reckon go check it out on your way home. I won't today. I don't think I've got pasta in me today.

All right. I just had that bad sandwich. And look, you know what? If I hadn't eaten, I'd be well up for it. But maybe this is another. You know what? Maybe I'm back here in two days recording another one of these things. Oh, that's very true.

Get a little late lunch. Maybe that's it then. Head into Solo Pasta. Well, hey, that would be a great cliffhanger for the listeners. Yeah. Go smash that before we do the next episode. And we can get a pasta by the meter review. I could very well do that.

Yeah. Okay. Remind me. Anyway, enough gabbing about food. Let's get into the Patreon section. Podcast by the meter. Yes. Hall of Fame by the meter.

Yep. Who is it this? Who have we moved on to? It was the Stuart Hall of Fame and now it's someone else. Yeah, fuck. Actually, I've got it in front of me here somewhere. Have you got it there? Yeah.

The Benjamin Hall of Fame. Now, I know we were saying all of that last time, but I kind of feel like the fact that we've had to... That it didn't... You know, it didn't stay front of mind and we had to go back and look. Maybe that's telling us everything we need to know. Well...

Maybe it should just stay as the Stuart Hall of Fame. Maybe we just haven't given Benjamin a chance. You know, that's more of muscle memory. We did that so many times. But I would say like if you're driving... I mean, I know I certainly didn't remember it after one week of Stuart Hall of Fame, so it doesn't really prove anything. But I did.

But at least one of us did. Okay, all right. I would say if you're like driving into your job and you literally can't even remember what the name of the business is, then that's not the job for you. Right, right. Where do I work again? Yeah. Mac?

Yeah. McDonald's. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it O'Donald's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. Not the Irish fast food joint.

Okay. No, we do burgers and we're like the main one. You're right. Okay. We're like the really big famous one. I get it. That would be good if McDonald's was O'Donald's in Ireland. It could be for all we know.

That would be good. That's a good like invented dinner party fact. You just did a party. You meet someone. You're like, oh, I just got back from Ireland. You know what's really crazy? Surely you know this. I assume like everyone knows this, but I didn't.

It's McDonald's is called O'Donald's over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. No, that's right. I went's McDonald's is called O'Donald's over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. No, that's right. I went there. It's called O'Donald's. And not only that, the burgers are made of potato as well as the fries.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's all potatoes. Well, because there are potato buns here. So I would believe, you know, if I'm hearing that, I'd be like, oh, what? You know, that's so weird that I actually had never heard that. But I guess now that I'm thinking about it, I don't know really anyone who's been to Ireland recently.

So why would I have heard that? Yeah. And the Happy Meal has a Guinness in it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's called the Depressed Meal. Yeah. Because it's like they're all depressed over there.

Ronald McDonald doesn't have makeup on his eyes. He has black eyes from fighting. Yes. Yes. And that's Ireland. Scene. So thank you eyes from fighting. Yes. Yes. And that's Ireland. Scene. So thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. First cap off the rank this week for the Benjamin Hall of Fame, in my humble opinion.

Thank you very much to Andrew Kelly. Okay. Part of the Kelly gang. Exactly. Kelly gang of subscribers of this podcast. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Probably. Maybe. Potentially. What do you think of the name Kelly? Well, that's Irish as well, isn't it? Is it really? I think so, yeah. I dated a girl called Kelly once.

Did you? Yeah. I was about to say she didn't seem particularly Irish, but she did have red hair. So there you go. I don't know. Kelly maybe is not as an Irish first name, but I believe it is an Irish surname. No, her name was Kelly Kelly. Oh, really? She was like Mario. The girl's so nice. I named her name was Kelly Kelly. Oh, really? She was like Mario.

The girl's so nice. They named her twice. Yeah. Great. Yep. Do you know that, did we talk about this? Because we riffed about this on the show

weeks ago on the, I think on a Patreon episode, we had our good friend Milan Krentjewicz, the founder of Comedy with Three Ys .com.au Whatever it is The sponsor of the Oz Comedy Hall of Fame We riffed

I don't know how we got there or why we got there But we said his name should be Milan Milan Yep And anyway His business card for Comedy with Three Ys .com.au Is Milan Milan I like it

He's actually gone with it Okay He's handing them out I eu, is Milan Milan. I like it. He's actually gone with it. Okay. He's handing them out. I like it. Milan Milan. And I'm like, is this just because of the joke that we made up? And he's like,

ah, it's just easier than people pronouncing my fucking surname. I was about to say, I mean, his surname is like, very that part of the world where it's like, where the fuck are the vowels in here? Yeah.

It's just like a series of letters that seems to be saying, you, you piece it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I can understand just being like, yeah, I mean, people looking at it and being like, having to be like, it's cringy. Yeah. Do you go Milan, Milan then?

Or do you go like, say, my experience would be like tailors in Thailand where all of a sudden they just give themselves like names like Mr. Tony. Yeah. Instead of bothering with the last name. Mr. Milan. Yeah. Mr. Tony. Yeah. Instead of bothering with the last name. Mr. Milan. Yeah, Mr. Milan. Sounds like good. That is good.

Yeah. Yeah, I do like that. I probably would go that, rather than like, and I know this is rich coming from me, rather than make up a surname, I'd probably be more inclined to just go Mr. Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Yeah. Go three times. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, so do you think Andrew Kelly should go Andrew Andrew? Or is Andrew Kelly fine? Mr. Kelly from Hey Dad. Oh, yeah. Nick Capa was just on this program. He did, he emceed comedy at Spleen a few weeks ago. And he's got a real lovely trend of giving horrible intros to

friends of his and as he went on to he was emceeing I was going to go on as he did that I said I know what you do mate just give it a rest

one time will ya yeah I just want to go out and try these jokes out yeah yeah no problem no worries at all walks out there

your next guest is a big writer for TV wrote every bit of Hey Dad all the episodes of Hey Dad walks out there. Your next guest is a big writer for TV, wrote every bit of Hey Dad, all the episodes of Hey Dad, responsible for everything that happened on that program. Here he is, Carl Chandler.

Now, I can't think of a time in my life where you've brought me onto stage and given me the benefit of a normal introduction. Here he is from the net. Please welcome. I reckon I've had that at least five times. Yeah, yeah. Oh, look, I didn't go in there and cry. I get it.

I get the game. I get it. I thought it was worth a try to ask for it to not happen. But it is classic, like, it's classic, like, comedy to just, like, a room of regular people. Yeah. Of course, there are going to be very small population that get it and find it funny. Yeah.

Other population get it, don't find it funny at all. Yeah. Rest of the population take it at face value. Yes. Oh, okay. That's a weird thing to be proud of. Yes. In 2022.

Yes. Oh, okay. That's a weird thing to be proud of. Yes. In 2022. Yes. And also, I reckon a good majority in there that were like, I don't know what that is. I don't know what that show is. Yeah, that's the fourth strain. Well, that's kind of, that's honestly the best you can hope for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, oh, it doesn't make sense to me, but cool.

A comedian's on stage now. Yeah. Yes. I like a bit of, it's always good if you preface something like this with, like that with, the next act asked me to say this. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's the ultimate stitcher. That's good.

Yeah. I never thought of that one. Hey, this guy, I don't, you know, I've been trying to keep it just like bring him out. But, you know, this next guy really, like he made a pretty big deal about this. He really wanted me to like stress to you that he was Robert Kelly's personal mentor. Yeah. On and off screen. Yes. He, Robert Kelly's personal mentor on and off screen. Yes. Robert Kelly was innocent. This is the guy that actually did it.

Yeah. He wrote for Rolf Harris, not the songs. Yeah. He wrote the alibis. Please welcome Nick Capa. You know what would be funny? In your festival show, you've got like a pre-recorded please welcome to Capa. Yeah. You know what would be funny? In your festival show, you've got like a pre-recorded, please welcome to the stage.

Or it's just you on a mic backstage. Yeah. And you just do that to yourself. You sit yourself up. Yeah. Give yourself the worst push. Please welcome famous pedophile Carl Chandler. And you walk on.

Oh, man. I told him not to say that. Come on. Fuck. What the fuck, dude? Do it properly. Start it again. That's really rich.

Start it again. This is my work. Yeah. Like, I'm trying to do an hour and have it go well. Oh, man. This is meant to be the easiest. This is meant to be the fun part of the year. Yeah.

My own solo. The fucking disrespect. Yeah. Well, thanks, Andrew year. Yeah. My own solo. The fucking disrespect. Well, thanks, Andrew Kelly. Yeah. Thanks, Mr. Kelly. And thanks for everything you contributed to the longest running sitcom, I believe, still. Really? On Australian TV.

Yeah. I mean, I guess sitcoms don't really get made anymore, do they? Name second place. You couldn't even name it. Well, I mean, I i guess i don't know would you you probably wouldn't call you wouldn't call like a a fisk or a rosehaven or whatever a sitcom really would you i think you would but they're nowhere near well fisk is on season two and rosehaven went four seasons but i mean i guess more in my head i guess i'm splitting hairs, but when I think of sitcom, I do think of studio audience, very like, yeah, almost like no very tenuous grip of reality in how people are talking to each other

and interacting in scenarios that are happening. Whereas, yeah, the whole like multicam, no audience laugh track kind of thing does try to skew for some semblance of reality right but i guess yeah you're rather technically but how long did hey dad run for well i can look it up but i i think it went 10 plus years jesus christ that is a fucking long time it did go a long time and look it's all very well and good to you know for us and everyone to make jokes about it now in terms of uh you know the the the stuff that went on behind the scenes and how horrible that was. But look, even at the time as a kid, I think that was one of the

points in my personal comedy history where I loved watching anything to do with comedy and that was one of the first times where I went, not all comedy is good. This show fucking sucks. Yeah. Isn't it funny to have a thing that is so baked into the tapestry, everyone knows the name of it. Most people know the associated bad stuff of it. And so because of that, it's like the longest running show. It'll never be replayed anywhere.

No. Like, it's just, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, probably a 16-year-old now could just, like, have no concept of what it is and never will. I love this. So it went from 1987 to 1994, so not 10 years, but it did do 12 seasons. Wow, okay.

So 200, how's this? I love the, this is the first couple of things that come up on the Hay Day Wikipedia page. 291 episodes. Brackets. Plus two unaired. Fuck, what was on those ones? Whoa.

Yeah. Okay. Synopsis. Architect Martin Kelly single-handedly raises his children, Simon, Debbie and Jenny. His wife, Margaret, died three years before the series start. Fuck, this just sounds so dark already before we get into anything else. Damn. Yeah.

Funny stuff. Yeah. Let's get the next name out. Yeah, sorry. When we get on a tangent in between names. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. We've got another... Wow. How many times have we done this? We've got another. Wow. How many times have we done this? We've got another person with the first five letters of the name. Okay. So we just had Andrew Kelly. Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Andrea Hogan.

How many times have we had that? Back to back. I don't know. Maybe never. Maybe never. Hogan's heroes, speaking of old sitcoms. Yes. Hogan's Heroes speaking of old sitcoms

yes another speaking of old sitcoms with the the title star having a very dodgy backstage history

oh really oh you don't know I don't think I've ever seen a single second of Hogan's Heroes oh wow pretty tapped out on it

I've seen many seconds of it all of it honestly a bit before my time I guess yeah he was Bob Crane look into it it was I can't remember the name of the movie but it was Before my time, I guess. He was Bob Crane. Look into it.

It was... Well, I can't remember the name of the movie, but it was made by the guy, Paul Shrader, that wrote Taxi Driver. Yep. And he made a movie about, behind the scenes, Bob Crane. He was a sex addict, off his head, and maybe killed... He was killed by someone, and that was a bit of a mystery. But I think maybe the insinuation was maybe killed by the husband of a lover that he had or something like that.

Oh, wow. Okay. All right. He was an absolute pants man. All right. Bobby Crane. So, yeah. That's.

Sitcoms of that era. The Wild West. Yeah. Well, not that era. That was 60s. Okay, sure. That was 80s. Craw era. The Wild West. Yeah, well, not that era. That was 60s. Okay, sure. Maybe that was 80s. Crawling into the 90s.

Yeah. I guess what I'm saying is things were fucked before there was any form of accountability. Right. Throughout human history. Leads in sitcoms back then. Yeah. Pre, I don't know. Were horny.

The Office. Were naughtily horny. Yeah. Yeah. You don't get that these days well you still do but whatever

Andrea Hogan okay yep another sitcom the the Hogan family do you remember that show

it was a originally a sitcom called Valerie and then the star Valerie left the sitcom and they decided to keep it going and they just killed her off and then the star, Valerie, left the sitcom and then he decided to keep it going

and they just killed her off and then turned it into the rest of her family. I love a bit of that. What was the thing with... Roseanne did it. Martin Lawrence's sitcom. Oh. Where he's...

Yeah, the... What was the story? Like the lady playing his wife left the show or didn't want to be on it because I think he was hard to deal with. So they just have all these storylines where like – she's like, I won't be on set with him. And so they have all this stuff where it's like, oh, she's away for work again. And she's like in phone calls and stuff like that but just not on set.

Like those things that you remember seeing as a kid and maybe they don't even really register it's just like no it's you know you just don't piece together oh i see why this is happening you're like oh it's a shame that that one character isn't on it and then you read and it's like no they just refuse to work with that person yeah yeah yeah um well uh kelly but what oh yeah kelly was last one sorry andrewogan, but what was Kelly like, the girl that you used to go out with? She was all right. She was pretty cool.

When I say go out, this would have been like a year nine relationship where we became boyfriend and girlfriend. We hung out for a couple of weeks. Didn't really do anything. Then she was like, hey, let's break up. Right. And I was like, okay. Great.

Yes. I guess breaking up, getting broken up with just feels bad anyway. But, I mean, there was very low stakes here. Right. Nothing really going on. Right. Yep. And what did she go on to do?

Anything? Have you heard from her again? Have you heard of her again? That's a good question. I don't know. Do I have her on Facebook? Let me check. Fuck, have you still got her on Facebook?

She's still... That's pretty good. She's still... She still stayed in our group. You know, we were just in the big mutual group of friends. Right. So, you know, still saw her around a lot. My memory is that she was then dating a friend of mine not long after that

but again that's pretty classic that era um not amazing but you know i don't know yeah i don't remember being too wound up about it uh all right am i going to be able to find her on facebook it is not looking great. Yeah, I don't think I have her. I thought I did have her at one point. Hey, you know what this says to me? Maybe I've been deleted. Fuck yeah, that's awesome.

She's just out there living her life. If I had to guess, I'd say married, couple of kids. Maybe she's just saying, maybe she saw a pic of you and your girlfriend on Facebook and just became incandescent with anger. Maybe she's listening to her favorite podcast right now and being like, yes, he still burns a candle for me. The fire, the embers are still there. Take a hike, Roger. Yeah.

Putting both kids up for adoption, turning up on my front door. I was Roger's husband. Well, I don for adoption. Yeah. Turning up on my front door. I was Roger's husband. Well, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just seems like the sort of guy that she'd marry. Yeah. Right, oh, right. Some cunt called Roger.

There we go. There we go. Yeah, I'm over it. Yeah. I don't care. Yeah. I've moved on. Anyway, Andrea Hogan.

We have moved on from Andrea Kelly. We're on Andrea Hogan. Andrea Hogan. Hogan. We have moved on from Andrew Kelly. We're on Andrea Hogan. Andrea Hogan. Hogan's family. I wonder if there's anyone out there who feels burnt by having dated Andrea Hogan at a young age. Yes. Is there anyone? Is there any listener out there that used to go out with Andrea Hogan that is still hung up

and is particularly upset by this Patreon rate? Sorry about that. If so. All right. Sorry about that, if so. All right, well, thanks, Andrea. Thanks, Andrea. I hope you have made someone really, really sad out there because sometimes it feels good. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber,

and I can't believe I'm saying this, but the third in a row of Patreon subscribers. This could not have ever happened before. The first five letters are the same again. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andrew Broadfoot. This is crazy. Isn't this crazy? Is this truly a coincidence?

It is truly a coincidence. Wow, that's mental. I haven't made this up for this amazing content. We really are having our wicked way with this as a topic for riffing. Andrew Broadfoot. I don't know what's made me think of this. Maybe just the people from your past. Sorry, I'm on Be Real.

And Be Real is an app where, for anyone who doesn't know, I guess you wouldn't really call it social media, but it's like a new thing where everyone gets a, everyone gets like a cue at the same time. It's like, you got to take a photo right now. Literally everyone who's on the app gets it at the same time. And the whole point is like Instagram's too curated. People just put when they're having a great time

and it makes people feel self-conscious that they're not doing that. Be Real is just like, hey, some of you are just on the toilet some of you are just you know this is just everyone's being real there's no there's no way to hide yeah there's a gap in the market there's not enough you know things of social media and people being on it so let's get some more let's get some new ones it's fun i'm not don't add me on it i'm not going to accept you i've just got my friends on there it's kind of fun but what it does is it goes into your contacts and it'll suggest like based on the phone number here's because you have to put your phone number into like get your account so it'll be like here's people that are saved in your phone

that also have a be real account and what happens then is because like you know you'll have numbers in your phone of people that you just haven't had any contact with in maybe a decade. And maybe some of those people have moved overseas and their number's been deactivated, but now someone else has their number. So when I first got on there, one of the people that it suggested to me was Carl Woodbury, but it was like it comes up with, here's the name in your phone, Carl Woodbury.

Here's the photo, and then it's of a lady. And then it's like, here's their username, at Julia. So it's just like some random woman who and every time i get onto the app it's one of the first things that you see and it's just looking back at me and i'm like maybe i should just try that this person and just see what the person is who's getting around with carl woodbury's old friend of the show carl woodbury's old phone number see what they're getting up to i did think of him the other day because he's one of the rare people i Woodbury's old phone number. See what they're getting up to. I did think of him the other day because he's one of the rare people.

I think he's completely off the grid for some reason at the moment because he was in the US. I think we talked to him on a Patreon episode in lockdown. It was great to see him. Yep. And he's not,

I don't have his email address. He's off Facebook. He's off socials. Oh, damn. He's not on anything. So I can't contact him. Well, maybe I should add Julia on Be Real and be like, hey, can you get onto your phone company and ask them for the forwarding details of the person who had this phone number before

you? Maybe that's the first step. It's kind of a weird... I don't know, because I've had the same phone number the entire time that I've had a mobile phone from when I got one when I was like 13 or whatever. time that i've had a mobile phone from when i got one when i was like 13 or whatever so the idea that it kind of freaks me out the the the idea of like weird impermanence of a phone number where you can just be like i'm leaving the country and at the same at a certain point that number's not yours anymore yeah it just goes back into the ether and then some new person who comes along to get a phone

yeah then it goes out to them something about that makes me feel really weird. Yeah. Because to me, it's like the phone number almost feels like a tattoo. It's yours forever. Whether or not you're engaging in it or looking at it, it's a part of you for the rest of your life. Yeah. I wonder if Woodbury still knows his old Australian number off the top of his head. Oh, I just wonder what he's doing.

Coming back home and being like, trying to kick Julia off it. Yeah. Going in and being like, if I can recite it off the top of my head, you, I just wonder what he's doing. Coming back home and being like, trying to kick Julia off it. Yeah. Going in and being like, if I can recite it off the top of my head, you have to give it back to me. Yeah. I want to ring my old Mirabar phone number to see what happens if I ring my,

as a young child, 054-614-565. That was the phone number. That strikes me as a lot of numbers for... Well, 054 is the area-565 That was the phone number That strikes me As a lot of numbers for Well 054 is the area code Okay right So what's just the number Straight up

614-565 That still seems like a lot What that's six digits That's not many Yeah but for that Yeah I was in a conversation With someone the other day

Where they were talking about Like Yeah I think they were roughly your age And they were talking about their phone number and it was like 4571. No. It's like four digits. No.

I mean, that was even, that was Mirabar. So if anything, that's going to be, you know, the smallest digit. But that's what I mean. That's why, anyway. Yeah, man. Give it a call. See what happens. It just goes through to your parents.

Yeah. They've gotten it rerouted, redirected. That'd be good. Yeah man Give it a call See what happens It just goes through To your parents Yeah They've gotten it Rerouted Redirected That'd be good Well Andrew Broadfoot You're You've

You've got a broad Economic footprint Across our Finances Yeah you know what they say About people with broad feet Hmm Broad shoes

Broad balls Yeah Um Thanks Andrew Thanks Andrew Dare we go The four in a row Broad feet. Broad shoes. Broad balls. Yeah. Thanks, Andrew. Thanks, Andrew. Dare we go four in a row. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. We dare not.

Tracy Lulatsis. All right. You admit it? Yep. Yep. You've got me dead to right here. Yep. I thought so. I know who Tracy Lulatsis is. Oh, do you? I think so. Yep. You've got me dead to right here. Yep. I thought so. I know who Tracy Lulatsis is.

Oh, do you? I think so. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Isn't Tracy part of the family that came to Koh Samui at least once? Oh, maybe. I feel like I've... I could be thinking of...

I could be getting my wires crossed. I definitely know. But I do feel like I've seen the... I think there is a family of these Lulatsis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I... I wouldn't have said Samui, but you're probably right. You're probably dead right.

But I remember them being in Tasmania once. Yeah. I remember seeing the name and being like, oh, wow, okay. There's a lot of those people in a small crowd in Tasmania. So they're part of the gyppos. They're part of the travelling, dumb-dumb, gypsy, live show travellers. Yep. What do they call travellers?

They do call them travellers now in England. Yeah, you can't use that term anymore. What, travellers? Yeah. Can't you? No, the one you used before. No, I know that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah use that term anymore. What, travellers? Yeah. Can't you? No, the one you used before. No, I know that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. But I mean, that's what they... Yeah, I don't know what. Like a lot of these things, it's like, you can't use that word anymore. It's like, oh, okay, what's the equivalent? We don't know. Yeah. We haven't gotten that far.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, the Lulats are, yeah, they're the deadheads. Yes. They're the deadheads to this podcast. The dumbheads. Yeah. Yeah. We haven't gotten that far. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, the Lulats are, yeah, they're the deadheads. Yes. They're the deadheads to this podcast. The dumbheads. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking about, so you know the offshoot dead, the dead as they exist now, which is

just like half of them. Oh, they still go today. And then John Mayer's in it. But they've said that they're- Is that like how the Beach Boys have the guy from Full House in it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, they're not, I mean, they're called Dead and Company.

But it's basically, if you want to get close to seeing, that's kind of, you know, that's you running it. You don't get to see Jerry Garcia. Garcia. Yeah. He dead. Long deceased Jerry Garcia. Part of the genuine dead. Yeah.

You get to see Bob Weir. That's pretty cool. And, you know, you get to see Maya filling in. A pretty, you know, pretty virtuoso performer in his own right. But anyway, they've said next summer in the States, that's it. They're done. And I'm tempted. Wow.

I'm tempted to go over. I think it'd be just last chance to hit the parking lot, soak it all up. It would be cool. Would you be a solo traveler? Well, this is the thing that I'm thinking would be very funny, is that around the same time, because they tour every summer in the States, and around the same time, because this just happened not all that long ago, there's a thing called BravoCon, which some of our listeners may be familiar with.

Bravo's the network that airs The Real Housewives and all that kind of stuff. My girlfriend loves all that kind of stuff. When BravoCon was on, she was like, fuck, I wish I'd gone. I would have loved to have gone to BravoCon. Because all the housewives do live shows. They do basically live podcasts and all this kind of stuff. And because they're on, like because they're on around the same time,

I was like, I love the idea of you and me taking a couple's trip. I drag you to the Grateful Dead and you fucking hate it. But then, you know, deep down the next day is payback because you're dragging me to BravoCon and I'm fucking hating that. I just love the idea of like a couple's trip where there's like two major

activities planned where there is like two major activities planned where there is absolutely zero meeting in the middle. There is like, there is no, no enjoyment. I mean,

she's getting to sort of see John Mayer who I think she, you know, feels like neither one way or the other about. But he's not even playing his songs.

He's playing these like 15 minute guitar solos that only a true nerd could really appreciate. Right. And then I'm sitting there just watching her froth over like

these like eight 50 year old women just screaming at each other on stage. Jerking off in the toilets over 50 year old women with fake boobs. Jerking off over Lisa Rinna

in the disabled toilets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of so yeah so yeah look I you know maybe solo trip i also do love the idea of like yeah i just go over there watch the dead at like dodger stadium come home yep but you

know if i could get her involved sure let's let's go to new york and hit up bravo yeah yeah that'd be right yeah whatever i mean i would like to think that if i was doing that i would go because you know housewives is on in this house a lot. Right. So I feel like by osmosis I've absorbed a decent amount of it. I feel like I've probably watched every episode of Sex and the City. Yes, yes. And Below Deck, another one on that channel, which I actually do enjoy.

It's like people working on super yachts. It's a cool show. It's interesting to see how that stuff all kind of works. Wow, that's weird. Yeah. What? That's chucked in there as well, The Real Housewives, and then it's Cunts That Work Below Yachts.

What? Yeah, it's like the people that work on the crew on a super yacht, right? So, like, rich fuckheads come on, and it's just like what it's like to work on a fancy yacht where you're, like, you know, having to look after the guests and all the different dramas of running a ship. I guess I feeling like the a network boss and you're pitching that to me and in my head i'm going no thank you that sounds like a bad show to me it's it's actually because it's like all those shows they heighten the drama up all the crew are getting into fights with each

other and start fucking and stuff but it also is just an interesting world where it's like oh yeah that's cool that's how that works i would have never had any idea that that's how it all functions. Sure. But if so, if we're going to if we're doing this couple's trip and we're going to Bravo Con, I'm thinking, all right, you know what? I want to get the most out of this. I'm only ever really absorbing housewives kind of in a very passive way. I'm going to get more engaged with it.

I'm going to start watching this stuff with you. You know, I don't want to be walking around at BravoCon not knowing fucking anything about anything. I'm going to work of getting my most enjoyment out of this. But meanwhile, from where she's coming from, hey, we're going on a long car trip. You want to listen to the dead? Absolutely not. I reckon we're getting there.

I'm buying the two tickets and she's like, you know what? I might just stay in the hotel. You go have your fun. Absolutely. I was thinking nothing but that for the last five minutes. I love the idea that it's like I really am – I'm like sacrificing so much of my free time to get the most out of her thing and then her just going like, you know what, not for me.

I'm not going to kid myself. There's a pool there. Yeah, I'm staying there. But that's good. That's good to have someone to come home to instead of just being by yourself. That's all right. Yeah, that's true. Even if I was just by myself, home to instead of just being by yourself. That's all right. Yeah, that's true. Even if I was just by myself, I wouldn't particularly care.

Yeah. No, you wouldn't. No, I'd be fine. And then she'd be in a cool American hotel by herself for a day and watch more Housewives on TV. Well, then you know what? She's going to have to – she thinks by not going, she's getting off easy. She's getting off the hook. But what she doesn't realize is what she's actually signing herself up to is me then for days after relaying my favorite bits

you know having to be oh yeah yeah yeah and then john did this and then bobby weird did this and like her just be you know if she had have been there with me then that you know there'd be no need for me to do that yeah hey i just remembered another funny thing that i saw in the crowd that's actually worse than just committing to two hours of being bored. Because then it's strung out over days. There's this one bit where I saw this big, fat, unshaven 60-year-old. Yeah, just this one moment where I saw that thing. And then I went and found the online ceramics guys out in the car park

and I bought a new tie-dye t-shirt from them. I told them that I've been a big fan from Australia. Damn, the more I'm describing this, the more it's becoming crystal clear to me. I've got to do this. I've got to pencil this in for 2023. Man, I'd love to do it. The Dead and BravoCon.

A trip like that. I was not tempted, but the idea is lovely. Mr Bungle, one of my favourite bands they don't seem to be doing a big tour but what they were doing is a couple of one off shows in Chile

I'm like that would be insane to just fly into Chile and see your favourite band and then just deal with fucking I don't even know what to expect

from a country like Chile yeah yeah yeah well I mean not quite as glamorous but I love Hot Chip I've talked about them on the show before. They're coming out here.

They're not playing Melbourne for some strange reason. They're playing Brisbane and Sydney. And I went, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to buy tickets to both. And then hadn't, you know, just kind of like, ah, look, I'll see. I'll see if this is feasible. So Brisbane's tomorrow night.

Sydney's Friday night. And yeah, we've got to do another one of these on Thursday. So I'm like, it doesn't really make a lot of sense to go to Brisbane and back. Oh. Sydney and back. So I'm just going to Sydney. Okay. But the dream was, I'll just follow them.

Just the idea of being like, I followed this band around the country when they did two gigs. A chip head. Yeah, yeah. A true chip head. Or hot head. The thing about when people were following The Dead, the dead were playing wildly different shows every night. I think Hot Chip are keeping it pretty locked in. Yeah, yeah.

There's no Jazz Odyssey with Hot Chip. Yeah, they're not, you know, they've got all these crazy fucking programmed gear. They're not, you know, there's no room for any freewheeling solos. They're pretty tight. But I'm looking forward to it. Well, thanks, Tracy. You're that, but with us. Yeah. But I'm looking forward to it. Well, thanks, Tracy. You're that, but with us.

Yeah. All right, one more and we better go. It's a shame that we broke that hot streak. I know. It is a shame. Let's see if we can try for it again. Thank you very much, too. Oh, no.

We can't. We can't. We can't do it. It's permanently broken. We can't. We can't do it. It's permanently broken. Instead, yeah, I think we've actually been signed up to buy something sort of similar to what you've said. Someone on their last tour.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers about the Grateful Comedy. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Would you go along and follow them around? Just in the... They're mixing up the set list every night. Yeah.

Sure. In the car park selling night. Yeah. Sure. In the car park selling ceramic chattering teeth. Yep. That's the symbol. Yep. Instead of the little dancing skeleton. Yeah.

It's just the teeth from the skeleton. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The bones of the mouth, as it were. Yes, absolutely. Isn't that the fucked up thing about Teeth Man? It's just like, people just have some of their bones on display at all times Yeah, that's cool

That's fucking crazy That's actually funny Like you said So Jerry Gussie was the lead singer The leader of the Grateful Dead He dies The rest of them continue on I like the idea of the Grateful Comedy

It's like Yeah, the comedian died But the tech and stuff just keep travelling around Carl Barron died But all the rest of us the grateful comedy it's like yeah the comedian died but like the tech and stuff just keep cal baron died but all the rest of us are still doing it yeah yeah the support like you're still going around but all the crew backstage are still traveling around so if you guys want to come and smoke bongs with us like yeah man come come along all right guys well thanks for listening thanks to those of you that support the show and we'll see you next time see