The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 633 - Wil Anderson & Mike Goldstein

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

This week we're joined by WIL ANDERSON and MIKE GOLDSTEIN! Wil's on the PR trail for his new book "I Am NOT Fine, Thanks" and Mike's basking in the glow of his recent win in a major category at the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame. Mike fills us in on his recent trip to Fiji and a wild altercation he got into with one of his fellow vacationers, plus Chandler's back from Bangkok so we hear all about his stand-up gig with Blakey PLUS we spend ages talking about the Hungry Jacks at Melbourne Airport. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Will Anderson and Mike Goldstein. If you want to support the Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon and get yourself bonus episodes every week, every Monday and Friday, little mini episodes, head to patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. Get on there, support the show. We really appreciate it. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this great new one with Will Anderson and Mike Goldstein. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. He was my lover, he was my friend It's good to be here An honour Especially after winning What biggest Jew

In Australian comedy Yeah Was that my award? You won best You went into the Hall of Fame For Australian Slash Jewish comedians

In front Just in front of Will Anderson's good mate Ostentatious Yeah Wow What an honour Congratulations man

Thank you And especially because You deserved it Not because we were Just trying to stir The fuck up out of Ostentation. You might have talked about it. Was there any fallout with him? Did he clue on that it was all big shit stirring?

No, I think a lot of our fans have just gone onto his page and gone, ah, you didn't win, fuckhead. So he didn't win the award and also didn't win biggest Jew. It was good, Gaz. We were setting up the AV for the show just last minute, getting an email from Carl that's like, oh, hey, I've got a couple of slides to add to the presentation and just the subject line, Jewish.

Like, what could this possibly be? And now it's still on my desktop. I've just got about ten different graphics, Jewish1.jpg, Jewish2.jpg. Look, you've gone full about 10 different graphics. Jewish 1.jpg. Jewish 2.jpg. Look, you've gone full Kanye. This is good. And the good news is that under, I believe,

the rules of how ostentatious sees the world, that now makes you anti-Semitic. Yes. You're conspirating with us. Yeah, it's everyone versus him. I'm just happy to take the gold Jew crown from the king. But you're right. We really did get up there and go Defcon 5 on Ostentatious, didn't we?

Well, yeah, congratulations. You're going to have to defend your title next year, of course. Oh, is that like part of the comedy hall of fame? You give someone a title and then they have to defend it. Depends if we've got any good ideas in September, October next year. We might just do it all again. I didn't know you could get kicked out of a Hall of Fame, but okay, let's do that.

Like a one-in, one-out system. Carry over champ. Very small hall. Please welcome to the stage the carryover Jew, Mike Goldstein. And then you have to get up there and compete against... How do I compete in this? I got to do a little Jew dance?

You got to do a lot of... Dreidel? Heavy yarmulke comedy from here until next June or whatever. Yeah, you get a dreidel going, you and someone else. Carry me up there on a chair, I'll break a little glass, eat some latkes. Chop even more off the end of your dick. Whatever you have to do.

I'll reattach my foreskin and then get rid of it again. Carl's idea, cut even more. Just whittling it down year after year to maintain the crown. Seven years running Mike Goldstein, just like, you know what, I don't even want this anymore. Not only is he the biggest Jew, he has the sharpest dick in Australia.

Fuck, I'm going to have a clip by the end of this. It's going to be good. Well, thanks. Both of you have travelled. One from Sydney, Will. Thanks for coming down from to Will. You're on your press junket right at the moment. Does this count?

Do you get to say to your publisher this is part of your press junket for your new book yeah literally it is i put it into the schedule because i'm flying down for the proper melbourne book launch tonight and uh but i did say i want like you know to do this in the afternoon so they put it into the schedule so this yeah this is part of the i know how it works because because my my wife used to be a like a pr for a book company they go no worries you just did our job for us. They've got to present like little, they'll have like an allocation of like, say how many stars something's worth. And they're like, oh, we got you 15 stars worth of publicity.

So this would probably be a third of a star. So you've done a little bit of a job for them. Oh, I think this is going backwards. I think this is negative press, I think. Especially after that opening riff about the Jew Hall of Fame. I think Will's in the red now. Yeah, it's a different type of star, unfortunately. Someone looking at the schedule for Will today

and seeing podcast at masturbatorium and thinking, I don't know about this. That great profile I did for the Jewish News is now. Oh, the Jews. Yeah, I was on Good Jews Week. Well, that's every week. True. But yeah, the book's out now.

It's called I'm Not Fine, Thanks. Yep, great. That's the plug. Well done. Thank you. Let's have to get that out, get the title out there. Get that out nice and early. In bookstores now next to Matthew Perry's memoir.

Well, so it made the bestseller list in the first week. It was the number six bestseller in the non-fiction category, but number five was, in in fact Chandler Bing himself Matthew Perry so that's that's where I rank in the entertainment world in yeah

that's alright because that had like heaps of stuff come out of it that was like every day there's something fucked coming out

about that book I know but like why would you need to buy the book like it's all in the newspapers every day yeah it's a great time

to be a daily mail writer just like get that Matthew Perry book skim through a chapter be like here's an article yeah this page that he wrote yeah also i love the fact that the person he went after is like the butt of his jokes is like keanu reeves which just proves that like matthew perry because this is the moment yeah like he's fucked up some shit in his life right like and you you you book should be the moment where you kind of like it's the big mea culpa yeah here's the shit that i've done wrong this is the opportunity for everybody to go you know what you did some bad shit but like you know we're all gonna get like you know back in love with you and then he's like who should i go after the most beloved celebrity

i've also killed his dog and stolen his car, but everything should be fine, right? And it's also a little bit hack, because it's sort of like, you know, 20 years ago, everyone was like, oh, your Keanu Reeves is a bit dumb. It's like him spending fucking half his book going, Nickelback is shit.

It's like, yeah, that's a bit of a waste of a... Yeah, and when Carl is criticising your references for being outdated, you know. Well, you know, I feel like I can... I feel like I can compare. Well, you know, I feel like I can, I feel like I can compare Chandlers. You know, I feel like. You've got a horse in the race.

There was that great moment where he described, you know, the relationship that he had with Matt LeBlanc who played Joey as being much like Leonard Copeland and Andrew Gose.

What's the chapter on Ollie's trolleys like? Fuck, he really had me there. He was off his Ollie's trolleys like? Fuck, he really had me there. He was off his Ollie's trolleys a lot when he was making Friends. Yeah, everything I hear about how fucked that book is, I want to get it. I'm going in. It sounds like a big good read. It just seems like a big gossip column rather than anything that happened.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could I have been any more fucked up? Is that the title? I would hope so. What was in the beef with Keanu Reeves? It was just using him as a punchline. It was like, you know, then I fell over. Just like fucking that idiot Keanu Reeves would do.

And it's like, what? So he's going to have to pull him into it. He's treating it like he's doing like a Tonight Show monologue, but with like Lindsay Lohan. You know what I mean? Like it's just an interchangeable, that's in his head. Yeah, he's like a guy who just has not been on the internet for 20 years, so he doesn't know that the entire world has fallen in love with Keanu Reeves.

He's like, I was sucking down opioids like I was Monica Lewinsky. Yeah, totally. That's pretty good. But in his version, it's like, I was sucking down opioids like I was Keanu Reeves. What? What? Famously, okay. Why don't they make the whole Keanu Reeves. What? Famously. Why don't they make the whole Keanu out of

the black box? I've been Keanu Reeves-ing for years. Mike Olsen, you've just come back from a trip to the US, but Yes, so I flew Miami back to Perth for a festival there and I was telling you guys quickly

before, the first gig was outdoors, middle of the day, just performing to plastic chairs. Comedy hour. Yeah. And the, like, two tents over, you could hear a guy doing beer trivia and absolutely killing. Oh, wow.

So that was drowning out the comedy room. Just you were getting beaten by some cunt flipping over lids of bottles, beer bottles and reading off the back of there. Basically, dude, yeah. Now, hang on. Was this at the same festival? This was so...

Or was there a competing beer trivia festival? Don't make us choose. Yeah, they partnered up the beer festival and the comedy festival. And I think the beer festival will keep going, but I'm not sure about the other one. I've got to say, because the Flower and Garden show is always on in Melbourne at the same time as the Comedy Festival,

and God, I'd love them to merge. Just your festival venue, being in this beautiful floral arrangement, that'd be nice. I could see that working well. The problem is that now that we've cancelled Barry Humphreys, he was the only person who was combining flowers and comedy. Yeah, but the States was good.

You know, everything's going great over there. People getting along. Yeah, it's great. It's a real utopia and stuff. So you were there, but what I want to hear about is you went on holidays to Fiji? Ah, so that was, yeah, Christmas, New Year's last year. And no one wants to hear a story where're like yeah it was a five-star resort and we had a great time and you know i was just swimming and fresh seafood every day

the biggest story to come out of that was i fought a tiny little french guy in paradise and it was i mean just one of the most fucked up things to ever happen and like we it was this the resort is like you gotta fly to Suva in Fiji, and then you get on a little prop plane to a tiny island, right? And this resort is, like, there's only 40 people allowed on the resort. It's no kids, so it's, like, the opposite of Epstein's Island, right? Right. And it's –

It also feels like the start of a Jordan Peele movie, but go on, please. Yeah. Also feels like the start of a Jordan Peele movie, but go on, please. Yeah. And the resort, amazing. Like, we didn't get, like, a beachfront villa. We splashed out a ton of cash,

but we got, like, a garden villa, right? So we were staying. That old trick. Yeah, that old trick. And it was, like, all-inclusive resort. Massive. And then on, like, the second or third day... By the way, I do love that. Now that I've had 10 years of experience

going to Thailand every two weeks, the first time you fall for it, they call it garden. You go, oh, that sounds nice. That means not beach. That means not beach. You might see the edge of a pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's about it. We're on a tiny island. It's hard not to see the beach. So really, this is terrible. You have to go out of your way not to see the beach. You've got a basement apartment on this island. Oh, yeah. So we're at the Garden Villa.

The first couple of days, we kind of keep to ourselves. You know, like I said, all inclusive, having drinks every day. Third day, we start talking to this guy, and he goes, oh, you know, Tony Robbins owns this entire resort. Oh, wow. And we're like, what, the motivational speaker?

And they're like, yeah, this is his little paradise kingdom away from everything. And it's like, all right, cool. That's weird. But then we realize he's like... And also, like we said, you can't even see the beach from your fucking room. It's not very motivational.

No, not at all. Yeah, it makes him motivational. It motivates you to get a beach resort. Oh, that's it. That's part of it. He just knocks on your door first day. You would be staring at a beach right now. Yeah.

Yeah. So, but then we realized that he's like a disciple of Tony Robbins, this dude, because he starts like pushing us on like, you know, you should really check out one of his courses. And we're like, oh, fuck, is this all just a trick for people to... Is this a guy who works there? No, he's just a guest at the resort. Has he gone there? Okay, so hang on.

Do you think that he is employed by the resort to recruit people or is he just a guy who's such a big fan of Tony Robbins he's found out that Tony Robbins has an island? Is this a lot of people that go to that island because of Anthony Robbins? I think there's a bit of that, but I also think maybe he got some discount if he somehow fucking

timeshares this thing or pyramid schemes and pulls people in. I love the idea that this is on the map for Robbins aficionados and you and your partner just ending up here by accident.

We had no idea. Surrounded by people wearing shirts with his face on them. You've never read any of his books or engaged with any of it. It's like The Leftovers.

Everyone's in white gowns and shit trying to get us in. And so we're like, all right, that's a bit weird. He seems a bit strange, but whatever. And then we kind of keep to ourselves. Then Christmas Day, we're like, all right, we're going to meet other people and we'll drink and socialize. And so that dude and his partner. Hang on, that Santa looks a bit familiar.

He's really tall. It's really pumping me up. What I love about this is, like, you as a Jewish person, like Christmas is not the biggest event in the calendar. Well, I love it because, you know, well, we killed him, and so I feel like we have to give back by celebrating his birthday a little bit. But for the rest of the people of the island, it really does feel like we're going to spend the most special day of the year

with our Lord and Savior. Yes. Tony Robbins, right? And every year someone invites a Jew. Oh, the sacrificial Jew. Yeah. Not just a Jew. The Jew of Australian comedy.

So this dude, again, we know this guy, and his partner seems nice. And so we're hanging out with them. And then we're joined by a chick from Sydney and this little French guy. And they're together. And they're at one of the other garden villas. And we get to talking. And so that's the crew. Sorry.

Before we go on, because I think this is going to be important. When you say a little French guy, I need more detail on him. We need some clarity around the crew. Sorry, before we go on because I think this is going to be important. When you say a little French guy, I need more detail on... We need some clarity around the term. All right, he's... When you say little, what do you mean? Little, like who's he comparable to? Okay, I'll say he's Dazzalo's size but he's much more intimidating.

Let's put it that way. What the hell does that mean? He's wiry. He's wiry. You're very approachable. You seem nice but this guy like just has that kind of

little French manic is he wider or is he just like he's well I'm trying to make it less me look like less of a bitch when I talk about me fighting him

right building up his stature a little bit but he's short like how tall are you Tommy I'm not that short yeah you're a guy that

sort of feels short but you're not that short. You're a guy that sort of feels short, but you're not that short. I identify as short. That's my pronoun. Short king. Short king, yeah. So he's shorter, but he's, you know, he's, yeah, he's not built. Where does he come up to on you? That's a better measure.

See, but this is the thing. You're tallish, so it's like to you everyone is. Yeah, he's about chin height. I'll say he's about chin height. You've got a, so it's like to you, everyone is. Yeah. He's about chin height. I'll say he's about chin height. You've got a good head on him. So you've got a good head. I get that. So we start just getting boozed with these two couples.

And then me and the French guy kind of bond a little bit because we're giving shit to the Tony Robbins guy because he's just a cheese dick. He's just like saying all this corny shit. So little French man's not into Tony Robbins either. No, no. And whenever this guy brings it up, he was saying corny shit to us the tony robbins guy he was like everyone go around the circle and say something you love about your partner oh right oh fuck

on our own man take holiday yuck i won't even say her name as she is taller than me yeah exactly so we're kind of bonding on just giving this dude shit whatever and then we're drinking drinking drinking and then they close down the bar in the restaurant and they give us a bunch of bottles of champagne they're like you guys go drink somewhere else whatever so we go back to their garden villa the little french guy and his partner right and we're all drinking on the balcony eventually i, I'm like getting blackout drunk, right? So,

and the French guy's partner, it's their place. She gets up, she goes to bed, which is like five feet away from where we're sitting on the balcony. One little French man away. One French man.

One little French man away. He's sleeping in a little race car bed next to her. How tall is she compared to him? Same height. They're the same height. Little French woman. Yeah.

She's just like a Sydney starter. That's just French woman. Yeah. Normal sized French woman. Little French woman. She's just like a Sydney starter. That's just French woman. Normal sized French woman. No, she's not French though. She's from Sydney, right? Oh, sorry. She's Aussie. Average Sydney woman.

Sydney woman. Little French man. Average Sydney woman. So that's the official ratio. One Sydney woman equals one little French man. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So she eventually, she's had enough and she's like, she goes, she goes.

On le petit monsieur. She goes to bed, and then me being a complete piece of shit, I'm like, I got to go to the bathroom, but I just ghost. I just go back to our garden villa and pass out, right? Nice. So I leave my partner there with this other couple and the little French guy. Jesus Christ. That is so rude. Wow.

Okay. Is that a shit move? Yeah. I'm guessing she didn't bring that up in the one thing you love about your partner conversation. She's going to struggle tomorrow when that question comes up. Is it a shit move to go and pass out? One of the most romantic movies of all time is called Ghost. This is the least romantic story I've ever heard called Ghost.

You just leave it. Do you have enough of a symbiotic mental relationship with your partner that she would have picked up like, oh, I get what's going on. She knows I do that. The thing is our garden bill is pretty much- But that's not a big party. If there's 100 people, you can go one on one. If there's four of you or three of you, you don't do that, can you?

Yeah, of course. If you could see, she could see our accommodation from where she was sitting on the balcony. So I feel like that's the rule. That's the rule. I'm at Will's house. It's one on one. I'm like, hey man, I'm just going to go to the toilet. I just bust open the window.

All of a sudden it's four hours later.'m just gone you know the rule you know the rule yeah i could sort of see my house from here yeah i'm out yeah so i leave them there on the balcony i go pass out whatever and then um eventually the other couple gets up to leave shannon my partner gets up to go and the french guy kind of like grabs her by the arm and is like pulling her back down. She's like, what's going on? He was like,

oh, hang out for a bit. It's almost a situation that might happen if you leave your partner in the street. Yeah, it really is. Exactly. Me ghosting

was basically licensed for, hey, try and fuck my wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, those tall American men. True. That's pretty much a proposal for some sort of a proposal well yeah that's how most people meet in france yeah exactly so assault right yeah so she like naively like sits down she's like okay i'll hang out for a bit but then immediately like he grabs her again pulls her in

for a kiss and you know my partner is way bigger. Yeah, she's horny. She's, you know, just fucking just fired up. So she's probably nearly the same height as you? She's definitely, no, she's about six foot. She's definitely taller than a little Frenchman. So she could just knock it down. She's taller than a Sydney woman and a little Frenchman.

If you split the difference between you and this tiny Frenchman, she's like in the middle. That's her. Perfect. She's one and a half little Frenchman. We're inventing a whole new scale of measurement. I love it. This is Fijian metrics.

So she pushes him away. She's like, what the fuck? You got the wrong idea. And he's like, this is how we do it in France. You know, and she's like, no, this is fucked up. Why don't you sacro blow me? Yeah, exactly. So she, you know, comes back to our accommodation, you know, I'm dead to the world.

I wake up the next day. She's like, oh, you'll never believe the weirdest thing happened last night. You'll never believe what happened when you left me alone. The lone Frenchman. You really... When you left me alone, drunk, on this island resort. Yeah, that's exciting. You really reframed this story to make me the villain.

No, we framed it. We've just framed it accurately. We just listened. So, unfortunately, this is a jury of your peers not a jury maybe i owe this dude an apology god damn it so she she tells me what happens and i'm like well what the fuck i gotta do something you know about this and then she's like please don't do anything like just leave it you know we're gonna see them on the island just just yeah there's 40 of you yeah exactly you're like i promise i won't go find him now i'm just going to the toilet yeah yeah basically but then i just disappeared

but knowing he's like i can see you can't bash a little french man if I can see you. That's the rule we have. So I go, okay, fine, I know that's going to happen, whatever. And then we don't see him. It's kind of people eat at staggered times, so you don't necessarily see the other couples on the island, whatever. So we don't see him. Once we see his partner.

You can't see him because he's so little. He's small. Yeah, he's tiny. As long as you look straight forward for the rest of the trip. Exactly. Yeah. So we run into his partner once and then I'm like, fuck, do I say anything? And then as we're approaching, my partner's like, do not bring it up.

Just fucking leave it. Just don't make it weird, whatever. And then we're eventually eating in the restaurant a couple nights later and we see them like sitting there at the kids table at the kids table he's got his nuggies he's having his little nuggs

little nuggies he's got his his Fijian happy meal and he's he's in overalls adorable yeah yeah yeah propeller on his hat

spinning around yeah yeah yeah probably they call it little royale with cheese I believe so you're gonna have to put the slingshot in the back pocket

once you set foot in the restaurant for him a bread roll looks like a full baguette fits with the little french toast he's in heaven he's in heaven

so we see them sitting there and then you know I'm like I'm gonna say something and you know my partner's like just don't

just please just leave it they're in the middle of a romantic dinner she's doing here comes the airplane exactly someone who's My partner's like, just don't. Just please. Just leave it. They're in the middle of a romantic dinner. She's doing Here Comes the Airplane. Exactly. To someone who's the same height as her.

They're so good. Yeah. So. We've reframed it now. He's a tiny little Frenchman. Just be patronized and you're like, you're my height. You've got to stop this, please. She gets him out of the baby fjord

and she carries him around. Man, that would have been better if he was just dangling there in his little baby fjord. Oh, I still would have fought him. But so they're sitting over there. She's like, don't say anything. Don't approach the table, whatever.

And then we're leaving the restaurant and his partner yells out, like, see you guys, we're leaving tomorrow. Like, so nice meeting you. Like this. And then I go, see ya. Just so you know, your little French fuck husband

tried to make out with my fiance. Fuck. Right? Nice. And she laughed. Like, his partner laughed. She's like, what? Like this?

And I go, yeah, your little French fuck. This is in front of other people in the restaurant. So it's late. So at this point, I think there's maybe one other couple left in there. It's so like you nearly ghosted before you said this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was drinking enough where I was like, I either ghost or I fucking bash a guy.

Bring a little man down even further. This is, by the way, like, I just can never imagine a world in which I would like, like this would be, I would have like the next day rode off the island. Yeah. There's no way, just in case I ran into them again. Oh, totally. But you have just like front footed this shit.

Well, it was like I was, you know, I'd had a few cocktails and I was, you know, almost to the point of ghosting, but I was like, no, I'll be confrontational. Right. And I should say, I'm not really a fighter. It's his fault for coming up and trying to grab your umbrella to wear on the way home. Keep the rain off him. but I was like, no, I'll be confrontational, right? And I should say, I'm not really a fighter. It's his fault for coming up and trying to grab your umbrella to wear on the way home.

To keep the rain off him. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I go, your little French husband tried to make out with my fiance and she laughs and she's like, what? And I go, yeah, yeah, for real. He tried to do that. Immediately, he stands up and starts screaming

and he's like, this is bullshit. I didn't know such thing she's full of shit and like his reaction is like so pronounced and like wild that it's clear he's fucking guilty yeah really you didn't doubt it you didn't like all of a sudden second guess no because why would you know my partner make this up and then so like he gets up and he's like screw this is bullshit she's making it up i didn't know such thing he's got he's gone way too over the top way too over the top and then his partner like turns to my fiance he's like, screw this. This is bullshit. She's making it up. I didn't know such a thing. Yeah, he's gone way too over the top. Way too over the top. And then his partner, like, turns to my fiance.

She's like, is this true? And she's like, yeah. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. He tried to make out with me. You know, I pushed him off. And then he's like, this bitch is full. He, like, starts, like, going this way. And I'm like, dude, sit the fuck down.

And the thing is, like, I'm not even trying to sound like. You're like, sit down. He's like, I am. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So. Hang on. That's like, I am. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So... Hang on, that one doesn't make sense. That's the wrong way around.

It felt like it was... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It felt like the words involved, you could sort of figure it out. Wait, can we get an iPad and some episodes of Bluey over here? Someone's a bit fired up. Hey, I'm done well not making a tattoo joke from Fantasy Island. True. I was waiting for that.

I think you saying that counts as doing that joke, doesn't it? I love some classic short jokes coming out. Like he just wanted to go home and go up on his wife. There we go. Awesome stuff. Fantastic. That's a real lesson right there. There you go.

That's something everyone can enjoy. That's good. So immediately he gets up and he's screaming and like i have a cocktail in one hand and then like the resort has no lights really around the property at night so they give you one of those big dolphin torches those flashlights with the big handle on it right so i got that in one hand and a cocktail in the other and then he charges me like screaming dude and like oh what yeah so he's just like and i'm like sit the fuck down you know do this and not even i'm just like just telling what happened

i'm like you're trying to make out with her there's something you guys got to deal with he's losing his mind charges me grabs my shirt one of my classic blue tees you know still wear it on the island rips and like fucking like shreds the front of the shirt and like scratches my chest like just like pulls it away so there's a rip down the middle of the shirt and scratches my chest, just pulls it away so there's a rip down the middle of the shirt. And then I have this flashlight, this torch in my hand, so I just come down on him

because I'm, you know. You hit him with the flashlight? Yeah, it's in my hand. Yeah, right. So I hit him with the dolphin torch. It hits him right square, fucking in between the eyes. He goes flying backwards

and immediately you see like a fucking cut. Jesus. Start to form. He starts screaming again, runs at me again, and I just cock back. Bang. Again. Torch in hand again. Yeah, with the torch still in hand.

Imagine the end of the story is Mike kills this guy. I mean, it feels like at the moment, yeah, this is where it's going to end. He goes, anyways, guys, I murdered him. Tiny little at the moment, yeah, this is where it's going to end. He goes, anyway, so guys, I murdered him today. Tiny little coffin, hey, yay. And this is when Little Dumb Dumb Club turned into a true crime podcast. Good for the downloads. Eric Banner's playing Mike in the series. See, the first time you hit him with the torch,

you could justify in a court of law of going, it was in your hand, you were defending yourself. But when you go back the second time with the torch, that is... That worked really well, let's do that again. But he ripped your comedy shirt. He ripped my comedy shirt. You get to show clips of you killing on TV with that.

Dude, gone forever. Can't wear it forever. Yeah, exactly. So it's justified if I murdered him, right? A shirt for a French life? That's fine. Guilty of little homicide. Little manslaughter.

There we go. So at this point, obviously, total chaos in the restaurant. The staff is involved. So they jump in. They're getting him off me because he's, like and shit and like trying to punch and then uh they get him off me and this is the the thing i feel the worst about is that the cocktail glass in my hand it shatters right and when the staff's like in the melee it cuts one of the arms of like one of the guys at the staff of the resort right yeah and i'm just like holy, dude. They get him off me and he's looking at his arm

and there's just blood pouring out of it. And I'm like, holy shit. I thought you were looking around for other things to put in your hand to hit this guy with. A tiki torch. I thought you were going to say he accidentally tripped into the cocktail, drowned. It's getting smaller every moment in my mind.

He's like Stuart Littlehide at this point i think yeah anyway what else happened to gulliver sorry so they get him off they get him away from the restaurant he's screaming the whole time uh they get this staff member like to wherever you know they got a little uh hospital room or whatever on the island yeah yeah so what they get this dude off the property the other dude's screaming they put him in a van

and like they gotta fix his like his he's bleeding from the fucking head so they get him out of there and then always expecting like Tony Robbins to now show up and be like

what has happened yeah what's the lesson yeah what's the lesson what have you learned yeah yeah suddenly the lights come on yeah you're surrounded by the other guests who've all been watching on and tony robbins steps out and says now

we're gonna go back through this scenario yeah yeah so they send this other guy this old american guy this texan dude shows up and he's like runs the property when robbins isn't around or whatever and so he shows up and he's like okay run property when robbins isn't around or whatever and so he shows up and he's like okay run me through it start from the beginning tell me what happened um and i tell him the whole story and he goes i've worked here for 20 years there's never been a fight at this yeah and i was like oh so you know that's something and he's like it's not something this is bad something good yeah and he was like uh they're leaving the other couple it was is leaving tomorrow right but we'll figure

out what to do with them in the meantime don't worry about it but we got to figure out what to do with you guys now like this is a whole situation um and i was like okay and i'm so apologetic i'm like i'm so sorry sir you know like if there's anything we can do. Just put down the torch dude. I'm still holding it. Broken glass in one hand, torch in the other hand. Is there anything I can do? Like, yeah,

just being polite though. Is there anything I can do? Yeah, don't do anything with what you're holding. Well that's it and so you know, we get up to leave

to go back to our place. When you're explaining to the Texan who runs this joint that it all started because you drank too much and just went back to your villa, how did he feel about that? I think I left out the ghosting part of it. I was just like, I told everyone I was going to bed. Meanwhile, hopefully little man's in like the, you know,

the medical area of the resort. And hopefully he's trying to fuck the person who's looking after him. So then it's like, all right, case closed. Well, so, I mean, to jump to something else, the people have said this is part of French culture. They try to make out with other people's wives and partners, like you guys kind of alluded to before. To me, that's no justification at all.

But people are like, yeah, you shouldn't have left your fiancée alone with a horny little French guy. Oh, it's your fault. What? I mean, I'm not saying that that's 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is somewhat true. It is.

You've got to know who you're dealing with. Out of the two scenarios, are the French going to be more likely to be up for a fight or to fuck your wife? Fuck your wife is absolutely the one that I would lock in be up for a fight or to fuck your wife yeah your wife is absolutely the one that i would lock in over up for a fight i will say it's also something us little men love to do as well oh yeah double the double we love it but as a spokesman we love it but also like to like to fuck a bigger man's wife oh yes yeah exactly oh yeah yeah so they don't get involved in conflict unless it's worth it like you fuck a bigger man's wife but the it was so brazen to me that his wife was like you know sleeping five feet away you know and like he still still tried this whatever so the guy the

guy that's running the resort's like we'll figure out what to do come see reception tomorrow right so I'm like just pumping with adrenaline still just messaging like friends I grew up with like you'll never believe

what happened I just fucking kicked the guy's ass with a torch you know what's your partner's vibe is she like stoked that you

defended her honor horrified she's like fucking mortified like this is so embarrassing I can't believe we're gonna get kicked off this island

you know and uh or there's gonna be some like local like court of law and you're gonna be tried well that's it because when i when i told my buddies in the u.s they were like this would have been litigation there would have been just police involved it would have been a whole thing so it's like lucky it happened i guess in this scenario but even getting up to leave when after talking to the guy that runs the resort I try to turn the flashlight on and it's not working

and he looks at me and he's like I think you broke it I was like yeah it's not working So you're still holding the flashlight after all this time You've gone to bed with it I picked the bits of hair and stuff out of it I was like alright I like to think that they've had to contact Tony. Do you know what I mean?

I feel like this is one of those ones where this has never happened in the history of the island. Yeah. We don't know which way this is going to go. They've got to call Tony, right? Don't you think he's got to be contacted? You know what Tony Robbins is going to do? He's going to take one look at Mike Olsen, 6'3", one look at this other guy, 5' do? He's going to take one look at Michael, scene 6-3,

one look at this other guy, 5-7. He's going to side with you. That cunt is fucking 7-4. He is tall. He's going to be with you. He's a good guy to be on your side. To him, everyone's an annoying little Frenchman. But no, you're right.

This has to have come across his desk when they don't know which way it's going to go. And it's like, this could end up being a big thing. They wouldn't ring him about day to day stuff no of course not something like this

this little French man might die in his sleep and then this is going to be on the news and then people know that you own this place your photo is going to be attached to it

just keeping you in the loop Tone no cause for concern you don't have to come out here just be aware this could be bad for you so he's definitely

been made aware of you in some capacity. Oh, probably. Yeah. I'm his motivation for his next seminar. To sell his hotel. Yeah, exactly. So Shannon, my partner's mortified.

She's like, yeah, this is so embarrassing. I can't believe you did this. I told you not to do anything, blah, blah, blah. And so the next morning we got to go to reception. And I'm like, they're going to tell us to leave, right? They're going to go, you know, you're on the next plane we got to go to reception and i'm like what they're gonna tell us to leave right they're gonna go you know you're on the next plane out of here uh but we go up to reception and they're like uh look uh you know we've considered the situation and we've upgraded you to the uh honeymoon beach villa

yeah dude and so we get into this beach villa and it's fucking insane. They've given you another torch. Yeah, dude. A new torch. It's got like an infinity pool. It's got a little private beach. It's just like, it's got like a little spa. The moral here is just wow. Yeah. And I get into the-

Quite a bad lesson. Absolutely. I always thought punching down was bad. Apparently not. That's great. Any young people listening, think about the number of campaigns.

You did deserve Jew of the Year. You're right. Thank you. Finally, you guys get a win. So, dude,

and it was, it was ridiculous. We get into this beach villa and like I said, infinity pool and I just immediately get into like this,

this pool and I've just put my arms up, beaming ear to ear, just can't wipe the smile off my face. And I look at my partner and she's shaking her head and I'm like, you have to admit, I just bashed our way into an upgrade. Yes. And she was like, all right, fine, this is pretty good.

And then finally, but she was still like, and we got five nights in the upgrade. Just imagining, Mike, the biggest nightmare the rest of the time on this island. Just like everyone he sees, like, you fucking looking at my Mrs. Cunt. What's above the room we've got? We don't have a spa. Is there a Belgian cunt I can bash?

Just walking up, just having the torch in your hand at all times. Like in any conversation. Just swinging the torch. Can I get a costo? Oh, I've got no money on me. Hang on a minute. Let's see if I can bash someone. Yeah.

Oh my God. So, I mean, we didn't see the other couple the rest of the time. And then, yeah, we enjoyed the upgrade. And then, yeah, yeah, flew home. So what do you think's happened there? That they've kind of gone and they've done their due diligence and they've just gone, oh, this guy was in the right because this little French man was a prick.

Well, he did attack you. That's the thing. He rushed you. There were at least some witnesses there to see him attack you. A hundred percent, that's it. They saw him charge me, right? So regardless of the backstory,

the fact that he has charged you and you've had to defend yourself. And I was like, he was losing his mind screaming and stuff and I was like, he tried to make out with my partner, you know? yourself yeah like and i was like he was losing his mind screaming and stuff and i was like he tried to make out with my partner you know and then i just happened to have uh a brass knuckle flashlight i think it was backstory third yeah uh you know uh eyewitness vision of him attacking

you second first he was french yeah I think that was the main thing that went fuck this guy yeah and it's fortunate you know they were leaving the next day anyways

but I thought we'd get kicked off but it said we enjoyed the honeymoon suite man that's awesome that rules good things do happen

to good people yeah see I deserve it yeah a Christmas miracle that's right Hanukkah miracle.

Yeah, sorry. Sorry. I do feel, yeah, I mean, thinking just about how there are so many campaigns here about ending the coward punch and think before you act. And then it's like you go to Fiji and you just get actively rewarded. It's still called the king hit over there, not the coward punch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I just had my little trip. I had my little – I've been talking about it on the podcast.

I went to Bangkok with eight others. Yeah, yes. Nine-man boys trip or as I call it business trip. So it was the shortest. Yeah, who did you bash for an upgrade? trip or as i call it business trip so who's the shortest yeah who did you bash for an upgrade there was uh there was now who was friends of the show little serbian man yes oh yeah yeah i guess so yeah ah yeah milan milan uh friend of the show brett blake friend of the show little australian man yes then there was a bunch of other people that oh no no sorry tony from the avalanches

big avalanche man yes uh and then a bunch of marabou uh guys that i grew up with and then they brought along a bunch of people that i didn't know that so i had never met them and uh we got to the airport and well here's a hypothetical for you what would you do in this situation we got to the airport there's nine of us uh milan is like a platinum lounge member for quandas so he's like come in with me like the best lounge you can get in and that's you know i've never been there before i'm like fuck you i'm getting in there then then blakey was like can i get in there and we somehow got him in there as well so then one of my friends one of my i think you can take in two guests as a platinum into the

oh yeah well we were very confused but that because apparently like we got told that you couldn't but then we did anyway so So good. So then we're there. Does not bode well for the rest of the trip. Well, that's it. So then we're up there. There's three of us up there. Confused by the sign that says two. What's going on here?

So there's three of us in the platinum lounge and then everyone else is downstairs in Hungry Jack's in the food court or whatever. So then we're getting, one of my friends is like. The gilts. Yeah, well, we're not, no, we're not really getting the gilts, but we're being projected the gilts onto us by one guy. Now, what would you do in that situation?

If you're down there in the food court, do you give a fuck that we're up there in the platinum lounge or are you like, whatever? No, I mean, is Bretty like in a bentang singlet with his just mullet full flow? No, no. Okay, right. He's definitely looking like he should be in the Jetstar Lounge rather than the Jonas

Platinum Lounge. That's more his speed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, how did you choose? Because those are your closer friends. Was that the choice? Well, no, Milan's the one with the plus two. If it's you where you're the glue for so many people in this thing, I think that's fair

enough to be like, hey, why are those two over me? But it's out of your hands. Milan knows you guys. He doesn't know them really at all as well. Yes. So, yeah, that's fair enough. He's just using his mates to be in the lounge. Yeah, you can't do anything about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then they're calling. I've got one guy that's like, you can tell. You know, there's one guy where it's like, well, if I can't have that, no one should be able to have that. So that's one of my mates. So he's down there in Hungary just going going now fuck this why are they up there they should either i should be there or they should be here so i'm getting nothing but phone calls and messages going you've got to come down here you've got to come down here i'm like i'm getting all these missed calls i'm

like am i in the wrong here it's rare that i get to say this carl but no you're not in the right but you know what this is like this is what human psychology like we're never satisfied i guarantee It's rare that I get to say this, Carl, but no, you're not in the room. But you know what? This is what human psychology, like we're never satisfied. I guarantee there was a part of you, Qantas Platinum Lounge, looking around, lap of luxury. There would have definitely been part of you going, fuck, I could go up Bacon Deluxe right now. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like they're thinking they want to be up there, but meanwhile you're up there going like, fuck, just some shit chips would be really good. Yeah, but at that International Platinum L like, fuck, just some shit chips would be really good. Yeah, but at that international platinum lounge, that's the one, right? Like if you ask them for some shit chips, they will send someone down to get them for you.

Oh, really? Yeah. Well, there was one thing they won't do, which is... Get four of your mates in. Yeah, yeah. Well, Brett Blake has a... We've talked about this on the pod before, but he once just

I think last time he was allowed into that lounge he just drank them dry of espresso martinis and then he went to get one here and they're like

we don't serve them anymore and then we're like was it because of this guy because yeah they were only doing them a few months ago what was the timeline

can you look back through the record we were genuinely asking him and he went back to ask. There was just one day that ruined it for everyone. But are you stirring shit? Like, are you sending selfies, sipping champagne? There was a few of them. Yeah, yeah, there we go.

You're back in the room again. This sounds more like you. Sorry. I should have asked if I were a person, Mike. I don't know what I was thinking. There was only one of them from me, but I actively encourage the other guys to send asked if I were a person, Mike. I don't know what I was thinking. There was only one of them from me, but I actively encouraged

the other guys to send stuff down there. Sure, sure, sure. But there was a lot of, there was a lot of, he was going through a rollercoaster of emotions down there

because he was ringing, getting nothing, and then just sending me messages going, don't worry about it then. Forget all about it then. Yeah. And me going,

forgotten. And then half an hour later, him hitting up, no, you should come down. And this is his whole argument. The whole argument was, you've got to come down because there's these three guys

that you don't know and you've got to bond with them. Shut up. You've got to bond with them before the trip. This is an incredible vibe to start the holiday off with. Yeah, absolutely.

Do I know this guy? No, you don't. I don't want to either. I don't like his vibe at all. No, he's a great guy. No, he isn't. On the evidence I've heard. He's an entertaining guy, but he's... No, he isn't. I'm the evidence on this.

He's an entertaining guy. I'd rather hang out with this tiny French dude. This passive-aggressive guy. He's got a little bit of that too. Yeah. Well, he sounds like a guy that would be like, go around the circle and everyone say something you love about your partner, right? That's that vibe.

You have to bond with people? Fuck that. But that's it. We've got to bond with people? Fuck that. But that's it. We've got to bond with them. I was like, this is a long bow because you've got to bond with someone. Hang on,

we're about to spend nine hours on a fucking plane with these people. I know what he's doing. And then five days in Bangkok. We're all in the same hotel. We're on the same, like close to each other the whole time.

We don't need to fucking bond in Hungry Jack's for like an hour. I know this guy a little bit and i think i know what the what the move would have been come down you got a bomb with these guys you go down meanwhile this guy's secret message to my life he's straight up there like a right up a drain pipe into the quantus platinum lounge yeah so then that's what it sounds like to me 100 no no no you can can't see me? I'm at the back. I can definitely see you.

Definitely see you right now. Keep coming. It's just non-stop messages of me. Getting to the end of it, because it's all you can drink and all you can eat and all whatever. So by the end of it, I'm just sending back messages going, can't just enjoy your fucking whopper and onion rings

while I enjoy my filet mignon, all right? Just fucking shut up. So then when we finally come down, he's like, absolutely not happy. But we're so charged. We're like, yeah, hugs for everyone. This is the greatest day of our lives. Well, because your flight got delayed by a while, right? So that's stretching this nightmare interaction out even longer.

So there's like four extra hours of back and forth. So then everyone's down there waiting for the one the only person that hasn't arrived out of nine people is one person one person is running drastically late which is tony from the avalanches i know what you're thinking imagine something from the avalanches being late so it was more an hour rather than 18 years but so he was running late uh now then my this same friend, he – now I love him. Like I said, one of the funnest people I know, great guy. He has his moments as I've just explained. So he's a guy that has to be doing something the whole time.

He's full of manic energy. You can't sit still with him. He's got to be doing something. It's always go, go, go, go, go. So during lockdown, I think he's one of those guys who's – I guess the phrase has gone down the rabbit hole a bit. So one of those guys who's would, I guess the phrase he's gone down the rabbit hole a bit. So one of those guys, you know, like people that... So you brought Dave Hughes on the stream.

You've got to come down to Hungry Jack's. You've got to bond with these guys. I love the idea that Hughes is not a platinum member of Qantas. Why didn't Milan get me in? That would be great, me sending pictures of three pints of beer to Husey going, suck shit, cunt. Look what I'm having.

Let's just call him Husey in the story from now on. Mini Husey. Let's call him Mini Husey. So then we're down there and there's one person who hasn't turned up, which is Tony. Like I said, this guy, Mini Husey in the story from now on. Mini Husey. Let's call him Mini Husey. So then we're down there and there's one person who hasn't turned up which is Tony. Like I said,

this guy, Mini Husey's been down the rabbit hole. Now that we're all out of lockdown, he's, let's say, I would say through

this experience, I reckon he's probably only halfway out of it because, so Tony's not there yet and then he says to, he announces to all the rest of us,

Tony's not coming. We're like, fuck, we're going to board soon. We're going to board in like half an hour. He's not coming anymore. How do you know? us, Tony's not coming. We're like, fuck, we're going to board soon. We're going to board in like half an hour. He's not coming anymore. What, did he text you? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, he texted.

He's not coming. Well, he said he's not coming. Well, no, he didn't say it. Well, how do you know he's not coming? He's like, look at this. I said to him, I've been messaging. And you see this stream of messages he's been sending to him. A good, normal amount of messages. And he's messaging, and he's just going, him in the same time he's been messaging me a good normal amount of messages

and he's messaging and he's just going where are you where are you and so Tony has taken a selfie of himself in line

in the Jetstar line and it's like this massive queue he's in like there's a hundred people and he's like yeah this is where I am in a fucking massive queue

and he's showing us that and he goes yeah he's not coming and we're like oh he's too late he's like no no no have a good look at that picture and we're like I don't get it is there a clock there somewhere that insinuates he's showing us that and he goes, yeah, he's not coming. We're like, oh, he's too late. He's like, no, no, no. Have a good look at that picture.

And we're like, I don't get it. Is there a clock there somewhere that insinuates he's never going to get through there in time? He's like, no, no, no. Look at it. We look at it. He goes, it's clearly photoshopped. He's not there in line. What?

That's photoshopped. Okay. Anyway, what's the thought process here? This is good stuff. Why is he at home photoshopping himself into a queue? This is a great guy to go on a holiday with. Where's the thought process here? This is good stuff. Why is he at home photoshopping himself into a Q&A? This is a great guy to go on a holiday with. Where's the end game here? Definitely bring him into the Platinum Club.

Yeah. You know what you should have done? They said you can come up, but you do have to get vaccinated on the way. A little bit of that too. How does this guy have any phone battery left? He's hammering you. He's hammering Tony.

Jesus Christ. He's listening to Joe Rogan. What's going on? Alex Jones part is going. He can't get through the X-ray because the tin hat, the foil keeps going off. So once he goes, he explains it to us for five, which is a perfect time because he explains it to us for five minutes

because he goes, you can see there's a line there and you can see this way. We can't fucking see anything. He's like, no, no, it's definitely Photoshop. Cue Tony walking in and going, what's going on, guys? And we're like, you fucking idiot. Was anyone asking the question, like what does Tony have to gain from this?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's not coming on a holiday and bothering to Photoshop this. And why would he Photoshop himself into that? Why would he Photoshop himself? that? Why would he Photoshop yourself? Your mate's like, there's only one cue that I respect.

He's the one I've been getting secret messages from. So yeah, he turns up. I don't know why that's, like, because it's such a thing you can easily get caught,

found out on. I mean, just, yeah, yes. Bizarre, anyway. Good saying.

Yes. Good, good, good stuff. All I'm doing is in line so I'd appreciate it and go, fuck, we should haveizarre. Good stuff. Yes. Good, good stuff. All I'm doing is in line so I'd appreciate and go, fuck,

we should have stayed up in the Platinum League. But also, that's what you should have done.

You should have got a photo of that Hungry Jacks and photoshopped you into the Hungry Jacks. I'm behind you. You're lying to me.

Put me in the uniform. I just gave you a fucking whopper. I cooked it. So, we go. So he put the Q in QAnon instead. Yes. That's fucking good. Yes.

So all good. So then we settled down and get on the flight. It's a nine-hour flight. Great. So we get off and it's so late by the time we get off. It's like the initial plan was we get out of Bangkok at like 8.30 at night we can all go for a beer and whatever it's so fucking crazily late

that we end up getting to bed at like I think 7am after one beer 7am Australian time after one beer but when we get out when we get off the plane the one thing that I found interesting was when we're going through customs and security the guy,

you had to fill out the form and put your name and everything and I'd forgotten to put the date in and so he pulls me up and goes, you've got to put the date in. And I went, oh, okay, no problem. And so it was November 9 when we landed. And so I write,

I go, what's the date again? And he goes, and the security guard at the airport goes, ah, 9-11. The big day. Ha, ha, ha, ha. He starts laughing. I'm like, are you allowed to do that in airports?

That's cool. Isn't there signs that say don't make jokes about stuff like that and he's the one making the joke? Is your conspiracy theory made with an earshot? Oh, he's gone crazy if he hears this. I love that. I think you're allowed to make that joke because that's not the 9-11 you know what I mean

because it's September 11 it's the American way that they do 9-11 so yeah 9th of November you're allowed to joke about that unless someone

drove two tuk-tuks into a ping pong show over there on November 9 or something I don't know they must be told hey you know what

obviously September 11 you cannot say anything like this in an airport. But, you know, the 9th of November, have at it. Get it all out of your system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for it. So does it get a laugh from anyone?

It's from me. I'm just like, I don't even know if I'm allowed to laugh. It's like, is this a test? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, we go through, like I said start i start bonding finally with the other guys from the from the trip these people i haven't met before and um so then he he's like one of the guys is like asking me and going how did this all happen because you know it was all a bit confusing

because like he doesn't know me and there wasn't a great idea of why we were there and stuff and i'm like okay so well we're coming because we're going to do this stand-up show and stuff. How did you, like this guy, like everyone's about the same age. Everyone's around about 45. They've got families and everything. And they started going, yeah, it was really hard to get here, you know, to get permission from the wife

and the family to come over. And he goes, yeah, it took me a long, I really only got it signed off like a week ago. And I'm like, oh, what happened? And he goes, well goes well our friend what do we call him mini mini hughes he just bought the tickets and then went you guys are coming and then weeks ago we were like was that a joke or not and he's like it's no joke you owe me money if you don't fucking come and they're like okay so then they start asking their wives and the

wives are like so nine of you are going to bangkok absolutely not and he's like fuck so he goes back to mini hughes he goes can you tell me why we're going? I don't really know why we're going. I was going to say, does it make any better love if I don't know why we're going and I don't know half the people we're going with?

Does that make it any cooler? Why do I want to go? So he goes back to Minnie Hughes and he goes, can you tell me, look, I'm not getting permission from my wife to come. Can you tell me why we're going?

And he goes, oh, well, look, what we're all saying is our friend Nick Capper, you know, he had cancer. And when we booked the trip, he was going through chemo. And so we're all like, you know, they gave him something to look forward to and, you know, something at the end of the tunnel. And we're going there to celebrate that he got through the chemo and stuff like that. And so this guy's like, okay, great.

So then he goes back to his wife and goes, oh, we're all going because Nick Capa had cancer and he had chemo. And so we're all going there to celebrate that he doesn't have that anymore. And she's like, do you know this guy, Nick Capa? And he goes, no. And she goes, but is he going to be there? And he goes, also no. Wow.

He's fallen at the first and second hurdle. How is she ever going to verify either of those things? Also what I love is the reason that you're going isn't like a legal or something that you need to go. You need a lie. You're the only person in this who needed a lie. You just wanted an excuse to go. You invented this comedy gig wanted an excuse to go right like you invented

this comedy gig like for the reason to go but everybody else doesn't need to lie well they they sort of the wives

were coming back going there's like technically what you're coming to watch Carl Chandler do stand-up comedy you wouldn't do that here in Melbourne

I understand what you're saying but lying to your partner does not make this scenario better they should have said they were going to do stand-up at the gig with you. I've always wanted to do it.

Too scared to do it here. What if someone I know sees me? That would be mortifying. I have to go to another country. The better thing to say to your partner was, hey, you know Mini Husey? Yeah. You know how he's had a few crazy ideas in the last couple of years?

One of his crazy ideas was he bought a whole bunch of tickets to go and see Carl do stand up and look we want to get him back out of the rabbit hole and we think this would be

a really good opportunity to like bond with Minnie Husey and like you know kind of like

right yeah would that not have been it yeah sure yeah that's beautiful let me talk to

their wives next time Minnie Husey being like I need to cook up an alibi for you it's like dude you are the alibi.

Next time I organise a trip for a lot of people to go to Bangkok in the next week or two, I'll use that instead. Yeah. Easy. We'll divide up the wives

between me and a French guy who's very keen. So when he said that capper wasn't even there, was there fallout from that or was she just like, all right, fucking have fun?

That was the end of the story. So I'm like, well, you got through it somehow. You're here now. Yeah. So, but was the purpose,

this standup gig, the real 9-11? Was it the like, were you guys going just for the purpose of standup in Bangkok? The idea originally was like, it just was on sale. We've talked about this a few times. Yeah.

Carl booked tickets. Yeah. Well, Blakey booked tickets. And then Carl kind of was like, well, you know, it's overseas and I hate my

family so I'll go but I will have to pretend that it's business yeah yes that was a bit

of reverse engineering because Capra was originally going I bought him a ticket he only pulled out like a

week or two before we went right yeah so you lost your motive then when he was like

it was yeah there was a bit of scrambling towards the end of it yeah because then the gig nearly got

pulled called off as well oh shit we have fucking nothing here but yeah anyway okay we when he was like it was yeah there was a bit of scrambling towards the end of it yeah because then the gig nearly got pulled called off as well oh shit we have fucking nothing here but yeah anyway okay we haven't made it out of the airport yet

and I need to hear about like okay do we have time to hear about the gig yeah yeah yeah we'll try we'll try and get into

yeah there's there's plenty there yeah so then the next day we what did we do we went oh Milan and I were obsessed with this idea of before the gig, we were going to go and get a meal. And we got obsessed with the whole Michelin star street food that's around in Bangkok.

So we're like, okay, we've definitely got to go and do that. You guys have heard of like the Michelin star sort of set up. And really, really like quick and easy to get into, I imagine. Just pop down there and there won't be a line or anything, I imagine. Well, yeah, there's part of that. But see, this is what I didn't know. Did you guys know this? And I didn't, maybe I'm the fucking dumb one,

but Michelin star, that comes from Michelin, like the tyre. Yeah. Oh, I didn't fucking know that. I just thought, because why is a tyre company telling you what to eat? That's ridiculous, isn't it? Because they would write a because you, like, why is a tie company telling you what to eat? That's ridiculous, isn't it? Because they would write a travel guide of like, hey, when you're driving around the countryside, here's the places to stop. I didn't know that.

I would love it if it was you and Blakey and Milan eating at the Michelin star restaurants and the other fuckers were just stuck in some fucking... Hungry Jacks. Hungry Jacks. At the Bob Jane T-Mart restaurant. But it is... Tire power. But so much, I mean, you've talked about it with the Comedy Hall of Fame, but I've been to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame a few times in Cleveland, and it's unreal, but it is exactly what you said on the podcast.

Some dude originally just went, I'm going to come up with this, and then it became, because it was the thing, it became eventually, and that's like the Michelin star thing as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It eventually just. And that's like the Michelin star thing as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It eventually just became the standard by which things were measured. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, no, exactly. I looked it up and it's like, I think there was 300 cars in France.

And so they made a book to encourage more people to get cars and buy more tires so they can go and travel and find fucking restaurants and stuff like that. I like it. It's very quaint origins. Yeah. It's like little guidebook. Yeah. Here's where to go.

Yeah. So then we get into a tuk-tuk and we go, right, take us. We found this one noodle place. It's like $2 and it's a Michelin star place. And we're like, right, take us to this place. And, you know, you get your characters in taxis and stuff like that. We got a real character. And, of course, in Thailand, they tend to have these partnerships with other places.

So as soon as you get in a taxi, you're like, oh, we want to go to this place. That's not enough for them. They need to get you into another business drop you at a tailor yeah exactly so then we get we get going a minute he goes all right we're just going to go to a tailor it's only 10 minutes away it's like mate this restaurant's nine minutes away we're making it we're making a 10 minute fucking diversion to go and he's like no you want to dress up for this restaurant yeah great i'm not fucking dressing up for anything it's street food we're not dressing up no no no we've got to go and do this he's like you know what you've got to do it all you have to do is spend 10 20 minutes at this tailor there's a free chang in it for you it's like fuck that's insane like wouldn't that be

awesome if you did that here like if you're getting in a taxi to go home and it's like no we just have to stop at bill at Billy Guy's on the way home and don't worry, there's a pint of Guinness in it for you if you look at a microwave. Yeah, I'd be down. I mean, you guys are, you know, you're on a boy's trip, you want to drink anyway. Yeah.

Put some tuxes on, have a chang, get out of there. Well, I mean, it kind of does happen here. I mean, I won't tell this story in any detail because it's boring, but just it relates to this, which is the other day I was at the chemist buying some stuff and there was this old lady who was doing a survey and clearly everybody was just going by her and not doing this survey that this poor old lady was. And I was like, you know what, I've got a bit of spare time.

I'll stop and she can do the survey and it'll just be like, you know. Anyway, at the end, I didn't realise because she didn't do the pitch to me like because i'd just seen everybody else brush her off so i was just like i'll do it if you want like to do it so she goes through all the questions that does her thing and then at the end she gets out of like her little thing like an envelope that has five dollars in it oh like you were getting paid to do the survey by the company. So she just hands me this envelope with $5. Go buy yourself a change. And I was like, this is kind of sad that I've done this now.

It was fine to do it for free. But the fact that if anyone's just seen it, they're like, do you need that $5? You took the $5 though, right? I mean, yeah. I thought it would be rude. It's not like Channel 9 over here, mate. I said, just to make it feel like I normally feel,

could you just shake it into my hand rather than... Was the survey just how much do you want, $5? Yeah. It turns out 15 minutes worth of answering questions about vitamin labels is how much I want it. Right. So it turns into this tuk-tuk drive where he's still pretty insistent on his tailors

and we're like, man, we don't want to go there. Every minute or two we're having to say to the guy, we're not going to the fucking tailors, are we? And he's like, oh, no, we've got to sort it out, whatever. I'm like, man, I'm sus on this guy. So I've got the Google Maps open and we're driving not particularly close to the restaurant and then we drive further away from the restaurant

and it's just that thing where I go, man, do i start fucking yelling out or what and i start yelling at the guy man are we going to the restaurant or not he's like yeah i'm like we're not fucking going to that taylor's are we and he's like no no no it's fine it's fine like we're not going anywhere near the restaurant he's like how would you know and i'm like i hold up the map the google maps i go i'm following it he goes oh, oh, Mr. Google in the back. He's got you there. I didn't know I was dealing with Mr. Google. Starts calling Mr. Google so much.

This is good stuff. All my mates in the back. This guy fucking rocks. We're all starving. We want to go to the noodle shop. You're trying to gaslight you. You're like, please, please, Mr. Google is my dad. I love Carl. Everyone's starving. Everyone wants to go to the fucking noodle place, but everyone else has suddenly gone, like you. You're like, please, please, Mr. Google is my dad. Yeah.

Carl. Everyone's starving. Everyone wants to go to the fucking noodle place but everyone else has suddenly gone, Mr. Google to me. That's good. I reckon he's done

this a million times. That's like rope by this point. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say, has he truly never experienced anyone using Google Maps? Yeah.

Well, clearly he has based on how quickly he's done to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I hope he says what I think he's going to say. Look at Google Maps. Yeah. Well, clearly he has based on how quickly he's done. That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, I hope he says what I think he's going to say. Look at Google Maps. He spent a good two minutes going, Mr. Google, I know everything. I know where I'm going.

I'm in the back seat, Mr. Google. It's good just in your own life, you know, when you're like, you're sort of pontificating about something. You're like, oh, did they? Yeah, the Michelin guide. Was it, you know, and you're kind of trying to go from memory. And then someone's got their phone out and they've Googled it and they're like, oh, it they, yeah, the Michelin guide, was it, you know, and you're kind of trying to go from memory. And then someone's got their phone out and they've Googled it and they're like, oh, it actually says here, oh, Mr. Google.

So we're going along, we're going further. But also, yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm looking at it on Google, which is the accurate way to get there. But then, that's still not a defence because then you say that, you sound like a dork. Like people on my side are going, shut up, idiot. Shut up, Mr. Google. Yeah.

So, we're still... Is there a Mrs. Google? Yeah. So, then I'm like, all right, I'm watching this go further away. Oh, don't Google her name. Don't Google the reason that we're in Bangkok. I'm watching this go further away and I'm like, I'm stopping saying anything because all I'm copying is Mr. Google

from the back seat, from the front seat, from fucking everywhere. I'm like, all right. It's work too. You've taught him that it's just going on the attack. This is great bonding for those three guys. They're presumably loving this. So then we go, okay, all right, I'll stop. So then we keep going further away, further away.

We eventually turn, take it left and then it's like, oh, okay, maybe right, I'll stop. So then we keep going further away, further away. We eventually turn, take it left, and then it's like, oh, okay, maybe we're doing some weird, we've skipped all the one-way streets, maybe this is the way to go or whatever. He is absolutely gaslighting you into believing that he's doing the right thing. That's a fucking king. Well, then we get miles up the road, turn left, and then we just stop. And then I'm like, okay, so now where are we going? And he's like, we're not going anywhere.

We're here. I'm like, this isn't here isn't here and he goes no this is the place this is the michelin star place and i'm like man this is a fucking different michelin star place look at the map look at this place look at the map and look at this place have a look and he takes a look He goes, oh, I'm so sorry, sir. And I said, please call me Mr. Google. Nice. Nice. How did he take that? He's like, oh, he didn't understand. He's like, oh, whatever.

He's like, we had a different tuk-tuk driver behind us, and he was weirdly, that was the thing. I'm looking at Google Maps on my phone. He wasn't looking at Google. They've got a real fucking aversion over there of looking at actual Google Maps. What he had on his phone was he had the vision of another mate's tuk-tuk, where he was going.

He was watching where another tuk-tuk was going, like the camera out the front. Right. It's fucking, anyway, bizarre. So anyway. Okay. So where you're like, Mr. Front Camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Upskirt car. So we have that lunch. We go to gig yeah so then we're we i've been worrying about this uh the whole time we're uh now by this stage even blakey's worried about it because we're going right we're in a group of nine people a bunch of these people we've never met before we're inside took the first 24 hours of this trip if you bomb this like then we all become mr google for the rest of the trip you know what i mean like everyone's like you guys are the fucking cunts that bombed at the stand-up gig you guys are fucking idiots but also a great bonding opportunity for everybody yes yeah for

everyone else you guys just basically have to go home at that point everyone else is going to have a great time because of that yeah you can't stay on the holiday yeah so then uh uh blakey and melana and i we all went uh by ourselves we just walked to the gig and this is when you know like you're worried about stuff because instead of me and blakey and milan walking around bangkok having the time of our lives no one said a word for half an hour of the walk because we're all just like oh we're gonna fucking eat so much shit here have you set this gig up is this all yours no no no this guy guy in Bangkok has a club, but then he only put it on sale like six days out from the gig.

And it's like, who the fuck's coming to see us in Bangkok? And it's like Australian prices to get in as well. Right. So it's like an expat bar, though. Yeah. Okay. But I could see him on Facebook, the promoter, putting it in all these expat groups on Facebook one day out from the gig. I'm like,

this is not a good move. This is a very last minute desperate bitch move. We're just anticipating playing two. The expat groups that you're just in? No, no, no. For some reason they're coming up.

Because you're tagged in them or whatever. Is the show billed as Mr. Google and Friends? Honestly, he put it in like 32 expat groups. Anything that's to do with ex-Australians in Bangkok, he's put it in there. I mean, that is a good technique. Yes, absolutely. Not a day out, though. No.

But when I was doing gigs in LA and stuff, that's where you would promote all the stuff, would be all the expat groups. And you would. You you get really great crowds because people are like, oh, this is a good fun thing to go and do. Yeah, a lot of people just move there as well, looking to meet people. Well, you know, people go to like, you know,

Australian themed pubs or English themed pubs. They want to see a bit of a reminder of home. Yes, exactly. And why it was good to have left. Yeah. People like this live there. So we get there and it's above an old English pub. How big's the venue?

It's got big posters of Eddie Izzard and Jimmy Carr in there where I'm like, I saw those posters. I don't know how those people are playing there because this is, I reckon, about a 60-seater. Do you reckon that was like 10 years ago or something or even longer? Before they started comedy maybe. Maybe they were just pictures of them attending comedy. They had a drink.

Yeah. I don't know. It seemed like a weird pit stop on their world tour to me. It was a very small venue. So we get there and the whole time I've been like, no one's coming to this, no one's coming to this. And what's worse than no one coming to this, the only people coming to it are the other six people

that are on the trip with us. The other six people who are definitely on your side after the fact that you were the guys who were in the platinum. Yes, and also Mr. Google himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then, you know, like I think us, I think the people in this room, what's funnier, someone being funny on stage

or someone not being funny on stage? Someone not being funny on stage is a way better joke. Yeah, in any other scenario, sure. But also if I'm a friend of a friend who's gone along on this holiday and then you bomb that gig, I wouldn't be enjoying you bombing the gig. I'd be going like, I've wasted a fucking night of my holiday on this. I wouldn't even be able to have a funny response to it. I just would be annoyed.

I would be angry at you for ruining part of my holiday. Yes. So that's what we're worried about at this point. This weird green mile that we're walking down to. So then we get there. Green curry mile.

Is the lineup just you and Blakey? Is it a two-hander? No, because they're like, oh, you can just do like an hour each. I'm like, we're not fucking doing an hour each. We're not doing any of this sort of stuff. So then he's getting expat locals to do stand-up before us. So then we get to the...

Don't read ahead. Well, that's about all the time we've got, guys. So then we get there and it's upstairs from a British pub and we're looking at everyone on the way up and we're looking for posters. We find one in the toilet which is nice that's about it there's not much signage around

alright Mr Toilet yeah so then then we go up we go upstairs and it's the gig starts at 8 o'clock so then we go up

into the room and we're like yep the gig's officially open there is no one there we go downstairs into the waiting bit there's no there's

there's about 8 people there in the waiting floor. There's a second floor, third floor is comedy, second floor seems to be like where you sit when you're waiting

for the comedy open. And we sit around and everyone's playing chess. It's like, oh, it's nice that people are just occupying themselves while they're waiting to come into the gig.

And then we find out, no, that's chess club. There's a different thing happening. There's more people at chess club on a Friday night in Bangkok than there are to see stand-up comedy. So there's no one waiting to see us. They've got a good promoter though, chess club. Yeah, yeah, yeah than there are to see stand up comedy so there's no one

waiting to see us they've got a good promoter though yeah yeah the posters have been up for weeks so then we go fuck

there is literally no one coming and at this point our mates haven't even turned up so now it's like well that's good at this point

at this point that relief when it's like oh we're going to cancel it it's going to be great yeah yeah yeah we're like

we're cancelling this aren't we I mean this was only an elaborate ruse for me to go on this trip in the first place the ideal scenario in a way is cancelling

the whole show and it's sort of ruined half my day at this point because all I'm doing is worrying about the gig that intersection where you're like yeah there's going to be

zero people instead of the four that meant I would have had to do the gig gig gets cancelled right now I just go off into the night and I do whatever the fuck.

At that moment in your head, you're like, oh, please, please. Yes, yes. So then we go in there. We're like, great. There's no one here. We're going to cancel it.

And then the guy's like, no, no, we were thinking about cancelling, but people have turned, we've got like seven people turn up now. This is the worst. Yeah, this is just the worst of all. It's like easy. Seven people have turned up. It's our mates. Oh mates oh great the gig goes ahead to the guys aren't paying

awesome great stuff so we've got them in the room and that's it at this point it's now five past eight and we're like this is the gig supposed to start five minutes ago there's literally no other people no there's no other people there yeah so then but then we're like fucking now when do and yeah but you're not on yet there's still there's a bit of time there's a buffer yeah so i'm saying to the guy we're not starting yet are we he's like no no that's fine it's fine we'll wait for a few more and look honestly thank fucking god people started trickling in trickling in trickling in we're like man they ended up being like i reckon 35 to 40 there but like within half an hour. I started mega late. I'm like, fuck, awesome. Nice one.

Great. Thank God for this. My mates are just getting more and more pissed. It's like, let's start the gig. And then the organiser's like, can you guys sit down? They're like, how about you get fucked? How about you suck my dick?

They're like, oh man, don't start fights. We've got to go on. They're like, yeah, but we don't need to get told to fucking sit down. I'm like, if you could, that'd really fucking help help us out if you don't start a gig and start punching little french men here this would be really fucking helpful for us so then they're like okay so they sit down and then the gig starts and they're like classic mates they're like watching everyone else going this fucking sucks yeah can you tell them this No, I don't think I can pass that one on. So local expat hosting and then they have another act before you guys.

A couple of other acts. All right. So and then. Expats from where? Yeah. American, one of your mates. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Sure. The host is half English, half Thai, I think. So you know what that means? Oh, yeah. Get up in the morning, don't know whether to have a chip butty or a panang. Yeah, there we go. You got there. Was it as good as that?

I would love to say yes. That's in my head. I was like, I don't need to worry about this too bad. I bet it's still going to be better than whatever the actual material was. I won't repeat anyone's material, but I will say the last two words, like the punchline of one of their jokes. Okay. Literally this.

Duck sandwich. No, no. With a thud. Snakes alive. Again, we'll get to that. snakes alive again we'll get to that literally a thrust of the groin

and the words bang cock ah that's good look if we weren't already if we had more time this the whole podcast

could be working backwards and trying to work out heavy truck style what the set up what the set up to thrust bang cock well start with Confucius side Heavy truck style. What the set up to thrust, bang, cock.

Did it start with Confucius saying it? But like even the crowd were like, man, how the fuck are you pulling that one? Like no one's ever entered the city of Bangkok without thinking vaguely of that joke. The first time you saw it on a globe when you were like nine. Yeah. I love the idea of that being your local gear it's like this is the only place

in the world where this bit could work yeah yeah yeah right in amongst it yeah yeah and just like you could tell they're not comedy connoisseurs

but they're like no I can't no no so grown massive grown for the Bangkok no confusion

like honestly not even a grown just like people going how did you think you were going to fucking pull that off? Well, the problem was that Eddie Izzard

had done the exact same thing. Yeah, yeah. But so, generally speaking, host, support act, how are they going overall? Is the response... Would they be getting booked at your clubs here?

Or would they get on at Spleen? Yeah. Cut to Carl this week in a basement doing the Bangkok joke. But is the overall response kind of filling you in? But it's more like the Harold Holt joke would have worked over there, but not attack here. Bangkok's not hacky. It's still fresh here.

True. Is it filling you with confidence and faith that you're going to go well? Yeah, I was going to say, how are they going in the room? A minute in, I'm like, Blakey, we got this. But then cut to them doing their thing and sort of, you know, there's that thing where you can come on after someone hasn't gone that well and you can feel that there's a good vibe in the room and there's hope in the room.

And then when someone does that level of comedy for about 30 minutes and you start to see people go, maybe we should have got wanked off tonight or something. So they've lost faith. Maybe I just don't like comedy. Yeah. I guess they juice it all up on the specials on Netflix. And in real life, it sucks.

And not only that, but one of the guys has done all the crowd work. He's talked to everyone in the room. I'm like, oh, now everyone hates crowd work. I'm not going to be able to talk to anyone. This is going to be the worst. So this is not good. And then, so then that all happens. It's all whatever.

And then we get to the, it's nearly me on. The organizer says to me, he's actually looked us up on YouTube and looked up our bits and whatever. Great. And he goes, right, just before you go on, just do me one favor. I'm like, one favor i'm like yeah no worries he's like two things one i don't know if you know that is it called cause celeste or something like that where it's like you're not allowed to um make fun of the king or anything like that i'm like yeah no no problem because there's like you know serious trouble if you make any fun of the royalty over there you got so one one that cause less thing don't make fun of the king two Two, do me a favor, do duck sandwich.

I'm like, can't. Have you been worded up or something? Like, is this some sort of fucking podcast thing or something? Yeah. And he's like, no, I don't know what you're talking about. I'm like, really? I'm like, okay, no, you just watched a clip and gone, no, that's a good joke. I'm like, okay, I feel like this is a bit sus or something.

Anyway, so I go on. Again, because everyone's not gone particularly well, I do do very well. I go very well. And then I get towards the end. And I've been thinking, what ones of my jokes would work here? What's got local references?

What's got things that they don't have here in Bangkok? Now, you did speak recently on the podcast about the fact that the way you will remember material is that you'll imagine a house and the jokes will be in various places in the house. Yeah fact that the way you will remember material is that you'll imagine a house and the jokes will be in various places in the house.

Yeah, that's right. Are you going through the house at this point? Is that what you're doing? Are you opening cupboards? What side of the house are we talking about?

Oh, there's more of a notepad on stage. Yeah, right. Look at Janine Garofalo up here with a notepad. There's been a few too many chanks consumed during the day to know what the fuck is in the house. Yeah, the house is a bit of a mess at this point. Garofalo up here with a notepad. There's been a few too many Changs consumed

during the day to know what the fuck is in the house anymore. The house is a bit of a mess at this point. But the fact that you've got jokes has elevated you

above everybody else in the first place. So the fact that you've got a notebook, no one's going to go away. Yes. So the jokes are going very well.

They're going good. So much so that I had thought duck sandwich. I don't know if that would fly in Bangkok. I'm going so well. I'm riding the wave. Let's pull out duck sandwich.

Big handbrake there in Bangkok. Really? I did get one very, very big laugh from Brett Blake at the back of the room. Screaming laugh. The kiss of death. Not even the promoter who requested it. No.

Not even a courtesy laugh. No, the promoter's like, oh, fuck, heard it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there a chance, though, that like, because sometimes this will happen, like if he's gone to those Facebook groups and whatever,

has he dropped in, hey, you should come and see these guys? And he's like shown them Duck Sandwich. So everyone in the room has come in and they've already seen Duck Sandwich. I did notice this, and I was a little bit insulted. A lot of the promo was very heavy on Brett Blake's YouTube clips and not mine. Not many of mine got shared that for that. So that was all

still fresh. No excuses. Dark Sandwich was still unheard by everyone at this point. So anyway, did well, but like I said,

thought I'll get off all the local gear, whatever. So then Blakey goes on. Blakey, and again, we're all nervous.

I'd been nervous. The gig had gone fine. He's still nervous. How long did you do? I believe about 20 minutes. Okay. Yeah. So it was all right. I'd been nervous. The gig had gone fine. He's still nervous. How long did you do? I believe about 20 minutes. Okay. Yeah, so it was all right. And then he went on to, and he was supposed to do 20 minutes.

He did about 35. He crushed. He went fucking great. He killed it. Excellent gig by Brett Blake. He doesn't really like it when I talk about him on the podcast. I get notes every week. I get threats of violence every week. He doesn't like it when I say anything about him on the podcast. I get notes every week. I get threats of violence every week.

He doesn't like it when I say anything about him on the podcast. What, like, complimentary stuff? No, that's the first time I've been complimentary. But what I will note from his gig was this. There was, like I said, I was very worried about local references. And also, I think I cop

a bit of commentary on my style of stand-up. People say that all I do is get on there and rain shit on the audience and call the audience's names. Now, look, I won't defend myself, but what I will do is quote what Brett Blake did say on stage to the front row within three minutes of opening, which is exactly this.

He said to someone directly in front of him, in the front row, out of, like I said, 35 punters in the whole room, I'm going to bash you with your own boat shoe you wears, Wally-looking cunt. That was three minutes into the gig, so that was his crowd work.

Nice. Killing. Was he the guy wearing a striped red and white shirt? I don't think so, no. That's what I like even more about that. Didn't have glasses, wasn't wearing a stripy top. Also seen in a crowd. Wasn't really hidden.

Not the place where Wally would be hiding. But he's killing, he's crushing with that. He's crushing. No, oh, look, that's a very big bonding experience. The Australians at the side of the room are fucking absolutely loving this shit. All of a sudden, Brett Blake is the king of comedy. But like I said, I'd been struggling

and worrying about local references and eliminating anything that sounded a little bit Australian. He had a punchline that the last two words were Steve Monaghetti. Oh, yeah. I don't even know that reference.

You don't. The 1996 gold medal Commonwealth Games winning marathon runner born in ballarat oh shit oh yeah him yeah yeah to be fair he got a laugh in fucking bangkok yeah with steve monaghetti but i mean like you said expat audience right most of them from the commonwealth i imagine oh yeah okay okay they still keep up with the games okay maybe that was it yeah yeah yeah so yeah

that was that was about it for the gig that was he did very well did about 35 instead of 20 but like the promoter said

you guys do as long as you want you'll probably want to do longer because you'll go well and we did it was very nice very nice of the

Bangkok Comedy Club to have it to have us very nice of them to give us an alibi and an excuse excellent gig very good gig

you guys splitting up that hundred bucks between you that was it yep yep and do you feel good though like now that this is

because you've had such a massive relief like a day of like really worrying that this is going to go terribly and now it's actually gone well the holiday can actually begin massive relief

but here's the other thing what you would think about nine guys on a trip to Bangkok is like big benders, 3 a.m., 4 a.m., a city that doesn't sleep, that sort of thing. But, as you might be interested in, marijuana is now legal in Bangkok.

Is it? And in Thailand. I am interested in that. And not only is it... What's this guy's number? Not only is it... I reckon I could get 36 people. As long as you're not clashing with chess.

I've got some amazing Rob D. Costello stuff. There we go. Not only is it legal, it is shops of... It's not even just like people on the street going... It's everywhere. It's dispensaries. It's not just dispensaries. It's tuk-tuk and marijuana. It is like McDonaldops, it's not even just like people on the street going, you know. It's everywhere. It's dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries.

It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries.

It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries.

It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It's not like dispensaries. It is like McDonald's style over there. It is franchise shops.

Franchise shops. Neon lights. Proper, proper shops you go into and you can get anything you want within that world. And is this everywhere in Thailand or just Bangkok? Bangkok is, it's legal everywhere. Yeah. But it's in Bangkok. It is every second shop.

It's like a proper proper franchise shop okay yeah really slick logos and marketing and everything like heaps of stuff

so every instead of like 3am, 4am vendors there was only a couple of nights people weren't out of bed after 9.30

I reckon there was a lot of so like edibles a lot of edibles going on yeah a lot of edibles going on yeah Yeah. A lot of edibles going. Yeah.

So it was tame. Like everyone's just baked and boring. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a real 45 year old boys trip, man.

I wait with, so Chicago it's, it's like that. It's dispensaries everywhere. It's like Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. It's just great being in these shops. Even if you're like, you're not a stoner, it's fascinating. Right. So we get like some chocolate edibles when we're there had some leftover take it back to kansas city my parents you know just staying at their place and then like there's nothing happening i'm just gonna stay home for the night so i finished the rest of the edibles

and then my dad's like oh we got tickets to the dinner theater tonight and uh so we're going like put something nice on and like it fucking hits me halfway through like standing in the buffet line with the oldest goddamn people you've ever seen and you're like like they're walking at right angles and i'm 40 i'm the youngest person there right and there was they announced before the dinner theater kicks off there's an understudy filling in for this part blah blah blah and this guy keeps flubbing his lines and i'm the only one in the dinner theater like laughing every time he fucks up and just like 300 old people just slowly turn around and stare at me dude oh yeah that'd be a good feeling oh man just fucking baked out of my mind just like

then like it was the hank williams story right and like it gets emotional like the dude ods at the end and i'm all fucking just choked up my dad's like i didn't know you had emotions like this like yeah so i don't know the edibles for me like it just usually just complacent and boring and just want to sink into the couch so i can't imagine a trip like that would have been it was it was fun and like i said it was yeah it was a 9 p.m curfew most nights yeah there was there wasn't a lot going on after that. Right. But I will say, because I'm assuming we're running out, there's a bunch of other stuff maybe I'll talk another week about.

But on that subject matter, I'll cut to the end of the trip, which is, so everyone had been very excited about the gummies, the edibles, all that sort of stuff. We get on the bus to go back to the airport at the very end of the trip and one of the people says, man, what a fucking eye-opener. The edibles, how good was that? Can't wait to... I've bought extra. I'm going to bring all these home.

And then everyone else on the bus is like, sorry? Like, yeah, well, you know, it's legal. So I've got all these gummies and edibles and stuff. I'm going to bring them home. We're all like, you're going to try and bring drugs through Bangkok airport? Like, yeah, it's the it's legal it's like cunt do not fuck with this shit like what are you fucking talking about and they're like oh i didn't really is that really a thing i'm like man do not

even if you even if it's not a thing don't fucking risk it yeah no one should be risking stuff like that so then he's like oh okay i'll just chuck that in the back of the bus or whatever yeah but also it's legal where you are yes yeah it's not legal where you're going yes yeah that's you like goldstein you can't get a fucking assault rifle and just bring it to australia because it's like it was legal where i bought it lord knows i've tried yeah well maybe perth though maybe yeah yeah yes That's the thought process there. And it's like, fucking hell. So then, now, the only thing dumber than that is the next thing, which is the thought process. Take all of them before getting on the plane?

Not that. Well, sort of. Well, we'll see. We'll see. Which is, so then two people in the back of the bus go, okay, it seems like a waste is all these edibles here. Here we go. Yeah. What can we, you know, it would be good to take them on the plane

and sort of chill out because we've got a night flight. You know, we're flying overnight. And it would be very, very hard to get Valiums over there. There's a weird philosophy in Bangkok at the moment where they've stopped you getting Valiums in the chemist, but you are allowed to get marijuana and edibles and get sucked off on the street. But no Valiums.

Yeah. The real motive for the trip comes out. The old street suck-off. If anyone could get it up, yeah, sure. You've got to start early with the suck-offs at about 8am. Mr. Suck-off.

Mr. Gobby. So then two people in the back of the bus were like, yeah, it's a waste. What about this? Mr. Gobby so so then two people in the back of the bus were like yeah it's a waste okay what about this you know because we're four hours

away from flying so it's like well you don't want to take it now what if we well you don't want to go through x-ray with them so instead of having them in your pockets

going through x-ray here's the trick just put a bunch of them in your cheeks and then walk through security no what's that are they that dumb what this is absolutely true and then it's like and i'm sitting there going am i the dumb one like what's the difference between having them in your pockets yeah or in your cheeks when you're going through x-ray also they don't have bones in them or metal or whatever like i don't what's x-ray got to do with it like if you if they if they can see it in your cheeks

they can see it in your pocket like it doesn't matter where they are chipmunk cheeks like is it like that obvious there's a bunch of them like yeah there's a bunch there's like some for like soon and then some for the plane yeah so then yeah so we get to the airport and they're like just before we go through they're like okay we'll load up with these and i'm like well you know maybe no better i don't fucking understand this the idea is just put them in the cheeks and then quickly zoom through and then spit them out on the other end and then off you go and save it for later and then get on the plane and whatever so then they go through them out they go through they go through security until, excuse me, sir, can we just check your bag? And we can just check your pockets and just, are you free to?

No, hang on, we'll just check something else. And they're just sitting there getting delay after delay with cheeks full of edibles. So they can only nod and... Yeah, yeah, yeah, all that. But not only that, they've been assured that they won't dissolve in their mouth or anything. They've been assured by someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, all that. But not only that, they've been assured that they won't dissolve in their mouth or anything. They've been assured by someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they're not magic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know gummies? Those things that we feed to children? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, they don't dissolve in your mouth. They're designed. That's the number one thing they're supposed to do. Yeah, 100%.

So then they're delayed and delayed and delayed until they get a couple of minutes of delays and then they get through and then go, and hurriedly like spit out nothing. No. And then so for the next three hours, they've just had a fucking mouthful of edibles and then just walking around with us

and then it gets to a point where we're going, oh fuck, we've lost them. We've lost those two guys. We haven't seen them or heard from them in two hours and then I look guess what points where we're going oh fuck we've lost them we've lost those two guys we haven't seen them or heard from them in two hours and then we then i look right next to me oh no they're there yeah they're there they just haven't said anything for fucking two hours i'm like are you guys okay and they're like not really no not cool no and about to get on what nine hour flight yeah yeah i was sweating it up, I don't know if we're allowed on. It's like,

there's no reason for you to be not allowed on apart from you're losing your fucking mind and you're sitting there still not knowing where the fuck you are. Yeah. I mean, once you lean into it, like once I get on the plane

and they're fine, then you're like, oh, well, you're just going to sleep solidly for the entire flight. It's not, it's just that getting on the plane. Yeah.

Yeah. No, they were freaking out. Like, we got into a little private lounge thing and they were more freaked out about being allowed to use the buffet. Which they presumably would have, yeah, needed to be hammering.

No, because they were scared to get out of their chair. Sure. Yeah, if we eat, people will know. Yeah, yeah. What if we fill up our cheeks with sandwiches and try and get through another X-ray? We're in trouble.

Yeah, I might be hungry on the flight. Load up the cheeks with M&Ms and off we go. No, I've never seen a bigger sigh of relief than when we got on the plane because I was genuinely freaking out going, we're not allowed to go back to Australia anymore. And then we see them in their seats and go, are you okay?

And they're like, oh, fuck yes. Like this is massive sigh of relief. Genuine like nearly tears. Oh, shit. Very happy ending in Bangkok. Not that sort of a fuck, like another sort. Yeah, very nice. All right, well, we'd better wrap it up there

for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Bumper edition this week. Mike Goldstein, Will Anderson, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having us. Mike, you got the Phone Hacks podcast. Phone Hacks podcast still going with Capper and I plan to celebrate him being healthy by getting

sucked off a bank. Fellow Hall of Famer. Yeah, true. So check that out. Will, you got the book I'm Not Fine Thanks. I am not fine thanks. Available everywhere that you find books. That is the caption of that last story, I think. That's what was going through those two people's heads.

Yeah. I do not have the time for this story today, unfortunately. But imagine what the story you've just told, except it was six MDMA caps at the Sydney Big Day Out. I'll tell you that story when I get back. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening. MDMA caps at the Sydney Big Day Out. I'll tell you that story when I'm back. Alright guys thanks very much for listening

and we'll see you next time. See you next. And they've done it again. Oh yeah. That was a good one. Yeah. Everyone did it. Everyone did it more than once

in the one episode. Yeah. Absolutely. Go check out Will's book. Yeah. Everyone did it. Everyone did it more than once in one episode. Yeah, absolutely. Go check out Will's book. Yes. Head down to your local Angus and Robertson. You reckon? I wouldn't go there. Are they still?

They're gone, right? I think. Dimmix is still kicking around. Dimmix is around. Dimmix is one of those ones where it's like, I guess that's where your nan goes for Christmas presents. Yeah, go to your independent bookstore and get in a little brown paper bag, maybe. That feels good.

Yeah. Head on to your Booktopias of the world. Oh, yeah. You can do that. Get in the mail. Give yourself a little present in the mailbox. Which I think we're a big chance of being interrupted by the postie bringing me a package from Booktopia.

Oh. Do you want to know what it is? No. I'd like to see it when package from Booktopia. Oh. Do you want to know what it is? No. I'd like to see it when you open it. Okay. Yeah. All right. Let's do that.

All right. I'm a big one. There's not enough surprises in life anymore. Well, I think you know what it is. If you think about it a little more deeply, you know what it is. Because it's something that I actually ordered on the air while we were doing one of these about two weeks ago. Oh.

No. No clue? No ago. Oh. No. No clue? No. No idea? No. No memory of any books we were talking about recently? No memory of any episodes we've ever done. Okay.

All right. Yeah. It's my comp. Right, right. We got on a hot riff. Wow. We got on a hot riff about Hitler and I thought, you know what? I might dive in.

You replaced the old copy. Too doggy. Yeah, too tattered. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Lented out. Holding up at too many marches. Okay, fair enough.

Yeah, I lent it to a friend in lockdown and I never got it back. And I thought, you know what? They can keep it. I was due for a re-up. Speaking of lockdown, look, we had fun on that episode. So, you know, it was two halves of an episode, wasn't it really? It was the Mike Goldstein story. Yep.

What a delight these days, Tommy. Yeah. To have a guest come in and just give us a roll-goal story that we can just play with. Great yarn. That does not happen anymore with us. Yep. In the old days, it used to happen a little bit because there was, in the wild west of podcasts, there was only us.

Mm-hmm. And we'd get mates come in, oh, here's this great story we've got up to sleep. Yep. Now, everyone's got a podcast. Everyone's got a podcast. Everyone's a guest on a podcast every week. There's no juicy stories left. Yeah.

And Mike Goldstein, the Jew himself, has given us a big present for Christmas. Yes, absolutely. The Jew himself. Very nice. So two parts. It was M. Goldstein at the start, and it was sort of part one of my Thailand adventure in the second half.

And you just reminded me. I've got to say, my friend that everyone jumped on top of, and I told the stories about, whatever. What do we call him? Mini Husey. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't we call him Mini Husey or something like that? Something like that. Little Husey or something like that.

I mean, this is bizarre for anyone who's just listened to it. It's like, boys, it's this. Yes. But we're doing this like a week later. A week later. Yeah. I got to say, and I said I made it clear on the show. He's my mate.

I love him. But it is fun to talk about stupid things that your mates do and odd ways that they talk and whatever like that. I just want to make it super clear that I love this guy. He's my good friend. Okay. Because this episode is obviously not out yet because we're just doing this but he i just heard the other day that he

heard an episode a couple of weeks ago and he already he's already kicked off and sent me a message and i'm like oh boy wait till you hear next week's one all right yeah exciting stuff yeah do you think he does he listen regularly i didn didn't think so. Okay, yeah, yeah. That's why. That's the big, yeah, that's the big danger, isn't it? Yeah. You know, you're like, I'm pretty safe here. And then you find out, oh, that person's still listening. Yeah.

Okay, that's interesting. And not only that, we're about to record a new episode that's got more of that coming up. Great. Well, I can't wait. So if you're listening to this, I don't know whether to say his name. Do you front foot it? I don't know whether he likes the idea because they're fun stories. You know what I think is going to help you here?

What? I reckon you front foot it. I reckon you contact him tonight before the episode drops. All right. Because I think there is something in someone not knowing that you talked about them and they stumble across it. That kind of hits, that just kind of makes it hit worse. I think then if you go like,

Hey man, if you listen to the new app, you know, I'm fucking around on there about, yeah, but you know, it's all for content. It's all,

you know, I'm heightening it. I'm trying to be funny. Like I do make it very clear, you know, like I hope that's okay. And then he's probably going to be going into it, something like far worse than what he gets yes but i think being caught by the element of surprise of just being like oh wow will will anderson's on this way i love will anderson

yeah yeah and then halfway through he's like laughing about what a cunt you are yeah no no no no he's i think we could go back and isolate the cliff it's me going no he's a great guy and we'll going nah i hate him. So I reckon you can do yourself a big fat... You're going to save yourself a lot of future hassles if you just fire off a message this evening. Right. And I'm saying this knowing full well that you'll forget and not do that. And then he'll listen to it on off the presses in the morning.

No, no, it's in my mind. That's why I'm bringing it up now. But no, I'm like... I think the stories I'll tell about him on next week's episode will be a little bit more better or maybe worse. I can't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, you're telling them and then you've got three other people jumping in.

So in a lot of ways, it's out of your hands. Yes, yes. You can go in with the best of intentions. Yes. But if one of the rest of us seizes on an element of the story that we find interesting. I don't know. Is it worse when you don't mention their name in the story?

Is that worse or better? Depends on the person. He's just already heard this story and gone, oh, fuck you. And it's like, I didn't even say your name. So, yeah.

I don't know whether it's better to give him a little bit of notoriety or not. But anyway, all right. Do you think he's the sort of person that would, you know, who would want, you know, who would want the fame? I think so, a little bit. Okay. Depends.

Like, there's, they're fun stories. Yeah. There's a very funny thing that he does next, I'll say on the next week. Okay. So, yeah, all right, I'll find out. Wow, I can't wait. I mean, you at home, you're having to wait a full week.

Yeah. Me, I'm having to wait like an hour. We're going straight from here to do next week's ep. Yeah. We're fresh. We're not even hungry this week. We're not tired. I'm tired.

Oh, you're tired. Okay, sorry. I had a hell of a weekend. Did you? Yeah. What did you do? I went interstate on Friday. Went to bed at about 1.30, 4.30 a.m. wake-up call.

Oh. 6 a.m. flight. Back to Melbourne. Come home and get changed straight in the car to a wedding out in the country. Oh, cool. Drove up there. There all night. Slept in the car.

And then... Oh, slept in the car. Yeah, yeah. Like, with the seat... Like, because it was... People were camping at this wedding. Oh. So, you know my car's like a kind of... Oh, yeah, yeah....station wagon-y kind of wedding. Oh. So, you know, my car's like a kind of station wagon-y kind of thing.

Right. So just put the seats down in that, put a little mattress in there. Oh. Kind of better than sleeping in a tent. I thought you meant. Having to seat up and everything. I thought you meant like your girlfriend was just driving the car home and you're like, you drive, toots.

I'm going to have a kip in the back. She was very hungover on the Sunday and did want to sleep in the back with the seats down, you know, like in the bed bit as I was driving down the freeway and I was like I can't do this. It's so unsafe. But she did, we were like because yeah a lot of, like most people at the wedding were camping and my girlfriend said to someone

like oh you know we're going to sleep in the car because you know Tommy's got a car that you can sleep in. I'm like well technically technically everyone has a car that you can sleep in. Just how destitute it is. Yeah, hearses you can sleep in yeah it's just how how destitute it is yeah versus you can sleep in that's for sure exactly yeah um okay so and you're still tired now this is this is tuesday afternoon we're talking yeah no basically no sleep on friday night big day on saturday a lot of drinking pretty hungover driving back on sunday i feel

like i'm just kind of starting to recover but but I don't feel like 100% yet. You haven't done the Sunday and the Monday night haven't completely rebooted you? Not yet. Yeah, it was really one of those ones where you just go, yeah. You know, those ones where you're waking up on Tuesday morning and you're like, man, I'm still in a fucking deficit here. Wow. Yeah. Fuck, that's big.

Hopefully by tomorrow I'm okay, but we'll see. Well, hopefully by the regular episode in an hour you're going to be excellent for that. Yeah, yeah. This is my, this is waking me up. Right. This is my, this is my third coffee for the day. This is your Barocca. Well, look, let's get me fired up by doing something that's just, yeah, really going

to, really going to rev my brain up. Talking about names. Yep. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. You can get on there and support the show and get yourself two mini bonus episodes per week, Mondays and Fridays. And you also, if you get on right now,

you get access to the entire back catalogue of 280-something of them. Heaps of them. Great special guests on there. Always lots of fun. But perhaps most importantly, you go into the drawer to get your name read out and immortalized in the back end of talking dumb imagine having your name read out by a couple of podcasters exactly this could be you could what uh what uh this is like um this would be great if your friend from bangkok was

in one of these yeah so then you are naming, but in just a different part of the show. He did actually subscribe not long ago, because there was a, very weirdly, the bonus episode we had when we just talked to Milan one-on-one, he signed up for the Patreon, like signed up for a dollar and went, where's my fucking episode?

I'm like, oh, cunt, that's not how it works. You don't just give us one dollar and then get everything. And that's spelt out pretty clearly on the main page, I do think. I think it does say on one dollar, you'll get nothing for this. Yes, it literally says that. Thank you, but you get nothing.

It literally says, if you give us a dollar, we'll throw it at a passing car. Yeah. So, yeah, you've misread that. Which I don't think we've ever, I mean, look, not to be, not to leave ourselves open to being taken, you know, taken to task by the consumer watchdog. But I don't think we've ever had a session where you and I have just stood on the side of the road with a bag of dollar coins and pivved them at cars.

No, we should. We're probably due. Let's look up how many $1 subscribers we have and make good on this claim that we make on the Patreon. If you're a $1 subscriber, put our feet to the flame. Make us do it. Yeah, so sorry. I think he subscribed for $1 and then very quickly unsubscribed

when he realized he wasn't going to get everything ever for free for $1. Anyway, that's life. Thank you very, very much to Patreon subscriber. First one, first cab off the rank this week. Thank you very much too. Okay, here's one of these ones that they give their name they have a name for their account

but then you very clearly see thanks to their email address that they've got their real name so do we split this up do we give them both the names

do we give them one of them what's the I kind of feel like you have to respect what the name that they've put into Patreon I feel like with this name I don't think any respect is due.

Well, okay. Let me hear it. All right. Well, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Stabfish. All right. Let's go to the email address. All right. Now, thank you very much to Stabfish slash Nathan Coates.

Nathan Coates. C-O-A-T-E-S. Unless he's South American and that's Coates. So apologies if that's the case. It could very well be the case. Nathan Coates. I'm going to call him Nathan Coates because it sounds a lot cooler. Better, yeah.

It's way better. Than Nathan Coates. Coates. Let's do it. Coates. Having said that, maybe it is Nathan Coates because why else would you feel the need to call yourself fucking Stabfish and jazz up your name somehow? So is it like, is it one word or is it first name, last name?

One word. Okay. Yeah. So it's not Mr. Fish, first name Stab. No. Stabfish. No. Yeah.

Okay. I wonder if this is like a, yeah, I wonder if this is like an old school nickname. Yeah. Maybe like an online handle or something like that. I was going to say that. It's got real... It does have... I hate to say it, but it does have online gamer connotations.

Yeah. Stabfish. There's some sort of... I didn't think that, but very similar. I did think some sort of chat room, some sort of... Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my chat roulette handle. Yeah.

Some sort of forum happening here, I reckon. stab fish i mean you don't get a nickname like that i reckon there's not too many times where you you've stabbed a fish and someone's going fuck let's never forget this he could have been on a camping trip and you know they've got the fishing rods out and he's he's going a bit like caveman style. He's got like the big spear. He's like, trust me, boys, you know, I'll be able to do it like super old school and they just like laugh and they're like dream on kind of. And then he just, lo and behold, whoosh, into the water, pulls the spear up, there's like four on the end there

and everyone's like, holy shit, get a load of stab fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be amazing. If they're in the middle of the lake or wherever, and he pulls that out. Yeah. But having said that, if you did something that good, I'd expect a better nickname.

Well, I mean, as bizarre as that story sounds, I think it's basically the only way that, the only story that could have led to a nickname like that. It's the only way that this guy hasn't given himself this own nickname. Yeah, no, absolutely. Yeah. I think the 95% chance is he's named himself this. Or maybe it wasn't even like a full spear.

It was just like he had a pocket knife and he was leaning over the edge of the boat and he's just jabbing at the water. He's just doing a bit where he's stabbing the water. He's like, oh, yeah, the water called me Mrs. Dog. I'm stabbing the water. And then he pulls the blade water called me missus a dog like i'm stabbing the water and then he's like pulls the blade up and there's like a fish impaled on the end of it so he hasn't like he hasn't speared it he hasn't like caught it he literally he has stabbed the fish he stabbed fish yeah he wasn't fishing yeah yeah he just accidentally he was clowning around and he yeah a fish he murdered a fish and he's to live with that on his conscience forever. Yeah.

Well, look, Nathan, we'd love to know the origin of this story. If you could let us know, we'd be terribly indebted. Yeah. Because we're fascinated. We're stabbing in the dark. Yeah, we really are. Well, thanks, Nathan. Thanks, Stabo.

Thanks, Coatsy. Thanks, Coates. Coates. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Marcus Howarth. Howarth. Yeah. Howarth, you, after hearing this name. Tommy? Not feeling good.

No? Yeah. Now that you've told me you're not feeling good, now I am getting all the senses of you not feeling good. Oh, no, I'm feeling fine. I'm just, I don't like that name. Well, you don't feeling good, now I am getting all the senses of you not feeling good. Oh, no, I'm feeling fine. I'm just, I don't like that name. Well, you don't.

Oh, okay. Right, right. This is an anti-Barocca for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're feeling worse now. You're feeling more hungover. Yeah. Thanks to this name. Yeah.

This isn't pumping me up. Right. Okay. This is not the hair of the dog. No. This is the how of the earth. Speaking of hair of the dog, dog though Or just drinking in general Was at a pub in Sydney

On Friday night with my friend A place called the Bearded Tit And we walked in And on tap They had their own beer Called Tit Ale Great, great And my friend was like

Alright Mother's milk He's like I know what we're getting First round's on me. And I'm like, oh, hell yeah, brother. And so then, you know, he gets the drinks. We sit outside and we drink them. And I'm like, oh, do you want another round?

I'll get this one. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I'm like, same again. He's like, yeah, yeah. So I go up. I get two schooners of the tit ale. And I bring it back. And he has a sip.

And he's like, oh, what the hell is this? And I go, it's the tit ale. And he's like, oh, what the hell is this? And I go, it's the tea dale. And he's like, oh. And I'm like, isn't that what we had before? And he's like, no, that was the filter XBA. And I'm like, well, why did you walk in and go, oh, I know what we're getting here. And he's like, because last time I saw you in Melbourne

like three weeks ago, you were drinking that. And I'm like, that's that's a long bow yeah i mean that's a great memory and that shows that you really are like i'm flattered that you remembered oh he likes this beer obviously he'll want this yes but when you say it in this very suggestive like oh hell yeah brother i know what we're having here yeah whilst you can see that there's a beer called yeah yeah the tit Yeah, while you're in a venue called. The Bearded Tid. Yeah.

Two fellas. Yeah. It's like, I don't think that's crazy of me to assume that you would have been saying all that as the lead up to you pouring a cold glass of the Tid Ale. No, totally. That's like walking in with your mate to a strip club and being like, oh my God, the floors are spotless. Like, what?

You're concentrating on the wrong thing here. No, absolutely. But I got to say, I liked the tit ale. It was good. It was a tasty drop. Okay, that's good. Shout out to the bearded tit if you're in Sydney. Go check it out.

Cool bar. What an interesting name. The bearded tit. Do you think that's... I kind of couldn't really get to the bottom of what it's meant to be. Is it like a reference to like is it like the beard the bearded clam but you're going like oh you know it's like different part of the female anatomy but it's like now it kind of makes no sense i thought i was trying to

maybe do that thing where you sometimes pubs can call themselves you know something like that and be like oh this is what we meant and it's's like, you know, tit being a bird. Oh, yeah. And then you go, well, how do you get like, I can get like a red breast on a tit, but not a beard. A bar called the Red Breast. The Red Breasted Tit. Now that's a good, that's a good pub name.

Yeah. You're getting double the breast mentions. What about just straight up a bar called the Big Knockers? Yeah. And then on the door, you've got like a huge brass iron, like, you know, what are they? Yeah, like you'd have on someone's front door. You're like, no, it's about that.

It's not crass. It's about the Big Knocker on the front door. That's the Australian Hooters. Yeah. Yeah. The Big Knockers. Yeah. Knockers.

Well, yeah, that's good. Is there Hooters. Yeah. Yeah. The big knockers. Yeah. Knockers. Yeah, that's good. Is there Hooters in Australia? Yeah, on the Gold Coast, isn't there? Yeah. I'm pretty sure there is. Yeah, right. I think that might be the only place that there is one. Surely.

Surfers Paradise. It certainly is. If you were going to bring one franchise to Australia, it's certainly where you would put it. Yeah, but I mean, that is pretty funny that it's like quite a ubiquitous chain in the States. And to sort of set it up here and like I wonder if they did, you know, expand over here and be like, boys, this is going to take us –

if I know anything about Australians, I know that they're going to love this concept of a restaurant where all the waitresses have big tits and are wearing tight tops. We are going to be – we're going to take this country by storm. And then it just hasn't taken. Or did they know when they came out here, they were like, look, let's be honest. This is as good as it's going to get.

We're never going to be able to expand outside of surface paradise. We're setting up in the one spot in the country where they will tolerate this. Yeah, maybe it was just like a test spot and it's just going okay there. And they're like, okay, well, let's just let this one go. And if anything happens, we'll react then. But at the moment, let's just let it bubble along.

And maybe they were even sort of thinking, you know, like Burger King came out and it was like Hungry Jacks. Hooters is like big, big titties instead of Hooters. Like let's do the Australian version of Big Knockers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or was there... Reboot. If there was already some version of it. I wonder if Hooters feel like now, you know, in 2022,

it's obviously... Conceptually, it's an idea just of a different era. It's totally of a different time in so many ways. I don't know, because in America, I get a feeling that it's now kind of... I don't know who's done america i get that a feeling that it's now kind of i don't know who's done this whether they've managed to do it or people in general just kind of think of it they're like oh it's like a family establishment totally but it's also it's been around there for so long it's kind of just part of the furniture now i wonder if they are just like we look it's

2022 we've just got to be happy with what we got. We can't be expanding into new territories because they're just not going to take it. They're just not going to accept it if we all of a sudden pull up in like, I don't know. Do they have them in the UK? Probably not. I don't think so. They certainly have them in Asia

because we saw one in Bangkok, which I guess is slightly unusual in the way that I guess the cliche of big boobs is probably not as obvious there, maybe. It's like you wouldn't have a big dick restaurant in Asia. Oh, my God. First second meal I ever had in Japan was at Hooters. Oh, really? Yeah. Fucking hell. First meal, Donny in Japan was at Hooters. Oh, really?

Yeah. Fucking hell. First meal, Donny's, straight out of the airport. Oh, no. And the logic was, because we'd flown overnight, hadn't slept on the flight, we're both just delirious. There was all this stuff we were looking forward to doing, and we both were just like, you know what?

Let's just have some dog shit. Get this out of the way. Yeah, but you've got one. It's kind of funny. You've got one. Yeah. I don't know. There was just something about it that seemed kind of funny to do on night one

where it was just like, oh, this is just here. Let's just eat something and go to bed. But it did feel, yeah, a full day of just eating. But what meal did you have at McDonald's? Lunch or dinner lunch right so you fly in you get out you have lunch then you double up by going to hooters at night yep see i reckon you've got lunch but then you've got to do something else for dinner sure yeah look i mean look this is close to 10 years ago now so obviously now yeah, yeah. So obviously now, yeah, I would just be like, I'd just get whatever.

I think there was something about it that was still, I think what it was was we had gotten there and we'd put the photo in Maccas and like all these people that we know had just gone crazy on the post. Right. And so there was a little bit of us just like being like, you know what? These people that are getting annoyed at how we're spending our holiday. Sure. Let's just razz them up even more.

Yeah, okay. All right. My first meal in Japan, my first ever international meal. That was the first time I ever got on an international flight to go to Japan. And my first meal was I got into the hotel at about 11 o'clock at night. And the only thing open out in, what is it, Narita? Narita? Yep.

However you pronounce it. The only thing near the hotel was an Italian restaurant. So a Japanese Italian had a Japanese spaghetti bolognese. How was it? Very strange. How was it? It was okay. Okay.

Yeah, but like not, like, yeah, an impersonation of spaghetti bolognese. Yeah. And then the garlic bread was like that Japanese bread that they have there that's also sort of very not like our bread. Narita is like, you know, we think we've got it tough here with our airport. But like, you fucking, you fall for that trap going to Tokyo. Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah, flying into Narita. Yeah.

And then you look at it on the map, you're like, where the hell am I? Is it? Oh, yeah. It's like an hour by train. It's an hour, isn't it? Yeah. It's really far away yeah right yeah yeah but yeah i guess yeah that was my first international trip and i thought oh well this is how you know this is how most airports we've talked about this i think that's kind of perfect though that's like the universe saying to you you know what this little boy from the country he's not ready for japanese

food yet yeah yeah maybe let's yeah maybe let's give him a little gentle introduction yeah yeah yeah he can barely handle italian i reckon yeah exactly yeah yeah here you go here's the here's the handbrake on here's the training wheels on um which is fair enough because i do remember like the next day going into the city and being knocked back from japanese restaurants just Just literally people looking at me going, nah, this is not for you. You can't come in here. You're not going to enjoy this horse meat sashimi that we've got. Look, I don't think it was even that.

I think it was more like it was just a local place. And they're like, no, we don't need you in here. Yeah. Okay. No, thanks. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, you're the boss.

Whatever. That's fine. So how are No we don't have Sweet and sour pork Yeah Yeah I did

I did Having said that Yes I did I think I did have McDonald's in that In that week Japanese McDonald's Is fucking great

Yeah That's okay So that That's how our Fat food was How our Well thanks how our Thanks Marcus was Howarth Well thanks Howarth Thanks Marcus

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Chris Prothero Chris Prothero Never heard of that surname P-R-O-T-H-E-R-O He's got hero in his name Love it That's pretty good After when I landed on Saturday morning

7.30am Landed at Tullamarine I did this move mcdonald's at the airport little brekkie mcdonald's before getting into my car oh yeah felt great really felt great just like you know what i'm gonna go home nap for a couple of hours before the wedding god knows what i'm gonna get around to eating i'll just take in a sausage and egg mcmuffin and yeah maybe it was maybe it was the fact that i hadn't slept slept but i think it might have been the best mcdonald's I've ever had in my life.

You know, because it's like you just get so used to like the quality of that product can be so appalling, especially if you go at like 2 a.m. or whatever, which for me is like the general time I'm getting Maccas is just like drunk late at night. Just there is something, that rare thing of like opening that box and being like, they've made me a beautiful one here yeah i don't know what's going on in this mcdonald's at this specific yeah time on this specific date yeah but all the stars have aligned and i've just gotten an absolutely aesthetically pleasing just beautiful sausage and egg mcmuffin and you did you did you crack it open straight away or did you only crack it open when you went to wait for your luggage or no luggage just carry on. I was just there overnight. So yeah, I just sat there and ate it.

And then I'd driven to the airport. So yeah, I was like, yeah. I was going to say then in that case, when that happens to me, when I get the perfect chips from McDonald's, I'm like, I know I'm not hungry, but I have to strike while the iron's hot. I just have to go back and order more. Oh, really? Yeah.

Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, interesting. Yeah. Okay. Because maybe you won't get that opportunity for another six months. That's true. Yeah. Whatever's sitting there right now is the same batch that you've just had. Because it's pretty funny how, like,

the whole point of those restaurants is meant to be that, like, a Big Mac is the same. It's going to be the same every time you get it. It's the same everywhere in the world. But that's just not the same. It's going to be the same every time you get it. It's the same everywhere in the world. But that's just not the case. No. There is such a, like, the gap between your best Big Mac and your worst Big Mac is like, is light years. There's such a huge chasm in there.

Yeah. Between the quality of like, yeah, opening it up and being like, what is fucking going on back there today? Yeah. it up and being like what is fucking going on back there today yeah i i i used to live with a manager of a mcdonald's and and uh i would i would go out of my way to go go over there when he was working because then he'd like you know i don't even know how you do this but he'd be like i'll make it extra good for you like okay cool what were you holding back on everyone else so that says to me that the general quality of the product is you're keeping it at a low simmer.

Yeah. Making it a bit shit deliberately. You can't run 100 metres, you can't run at that speed all the time. No. For a whole marathon, can you? So I guess he was just doing it a bit quicker for me. Yeah.

And do you remember it sticking out? I remember it was a good store. Like, in general, it was pretty good. I would go out of my way to go there and be like, it's already really good. And then he's going to, like, give me a bit extra, you know, give it a bit more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, great. All right. The only thing is sometimes he would be like, oh, I'll treat you. I'll bring some home for you. I'm like, don't do that. Because then it's been in the bag for 15, 10, 15 minutes. And it's like, you know, it doesn't keep.

It doesn't keep. I have a friend who, did I talk about this? My friend who, after we did the live pod recently, I went to his house with the big dicky knee slash reeky knee that we had made. And it's still at his house. And he's going to bring it to Meredith. I don't know if i mentioned that because people often have like big kind of signs that they hold up in the house so

people can find their mates so if you go to meredith keep an eye out for diggy knee in the crowd because he will be there um but he is like he loves his fine dining you know anytime he goes out for a meal it has to be like you know real upper tier like best restaurants he can go to but then on the other end of the scale, he is someone who has on more than one occasion had like a pie from a service station, not finished it, put it in the fridge and then microwaved it like a day later. It's like it's down the road and they're $2.

Like there's absolutely no need to do this whatsoever. Isn't that just one of the most sickening things you've ever heard in your life? Are you going to name this guy? No. Well, thanks, Chris Prothero. I don't know what the fuck that name is, but it does remind me of, I think in England at the time, I think like 20 years ago or something, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they banned the word ninja.

The Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. Yeah. What a pathetic country. That's so weird. Ninjas is too scary. Yeah. Especially like, don't be scared of the turtles, guys. Don't be scared of the cartoon turtles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? Prothero. Yeah. Prothero. It almost sounds like someone with a lisp trying to order a cartoon turtles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? Prothero. Yeah. Prothero. It almost sounds like someone with a lisp trying to order a Prosecco. Oh, yeah. Prothero, please.

Chris. Chris Prothero. I'm Chris. I'll have Prothero. Thanks, Chris. Oh, God. What's the worst affliction when it comes to that? What's worse?

A lisp? A stutter? What are the other ones? Is there another one? Probably stutter. What do you call it when you're like, Hello, I'm very pleased to meet you. What is that?

Is that a thing? I don't think it's a hair lip. I don't know what the name of it as an affliction is. Because we know what a lisp is. But what's that? Is it a different type of lisp? I don't know what the name of it as an affliction, like, because we know what a lisp is, but what's that? Is it a different type of lisp? I don't know. I imagine probably stutter. I can imagine it being very frustrating that it's like, your brain is like, here's the

sentence I'm trying to get out. And you're just hitting a speed bump in it that is like, that's nothing to do with your, you know, it's like, you know, you're not in control of it. A lisp is just like, you're still getting the words out. You just're not in control of it yeah a lisp is just like you're still getting the words out you just sound fucking stupid yeah yeah yeah a stutter's like you sort of go this is a medical condition be serious everyone and lisp is like ah i mean a lisp you could still do a podcast put it that way yeah a stutter yeah that's tough it's a longer one yeah yeah four hour episodes eight minutes worth of content.

What's the medical term for calling stuff for doing hello? Being a widdle baby? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not talking wee-wee very good. I've got baby mouth. Yeah. I've got a bad case of baby mouth. It makes me very scared.

I need a nappy for my mouth. Thanks, Chris. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jade Cleland. Cleland. Jade is her first name. Yeah. Thoughts? I like it.

What do you think? Yeah, I like it. I like it because I feel like growing up I wouldn't have ever known a Jade. And now it's like, isn't that cool? The girls can be called Jade now. Isn't that cool? Yeah, they can do anything. What a wonderful world it is now.

You don't think you would have known anyone growing up called Jade? I don't think so. Yeah, right. Maybe. Look, especially not in Maribor. Yeah, yeah. But then again, I mean, it is a pretty old word, isn't it? Jade.

Yeah. Maybe there were heaps of them. I just didn't know any of them. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe down the road. Maybe a different ear level. Yeah.

Maybe once I left town, Jade started popping up. He's gone. Yeah, yeah. Break out the Jade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, nice name. The coast is clear. Pleasing name. It is. Not so pleasing is the surname, I'll be honest. Yeah. out the jade yeah yeah yeah yeah no nice name is clear pleasing pleasing name it is not so

pleasing is the surname i'll be honest yeah cleveland because two two e's in the clee oh right cleveland like i'd give him one a but it's real i mean it's funny you're saying that uh yeah no jades in your experience growing up because it's cleveland is real it's like a real yokel name is that you reckon what cleveland cleveland maybe it's just the fact that it sounds like like it's the start of cleatus yeah yeah yeah yeah fair enough cleatus land what's cleveland but with the v taken yeah exactly that's um cleveland with no v um Yeah, as interesting as how we're talking about it. Jade is,

I think, was there a movie called Jade that had, what's his name in it? From NYPD Blue, maybe? Jade.

Doesn't ring a bell. IMDB. Not familiar with any movie called Jade. Jade, oh, yes, there was,

Jade was an erotic thriller, exactly the one i was thinking of starring david caruso okay plus linda fiorentina chas parmentieri oh yeah remember when chas parmentieri was was in everything for a hot minute yep he was in a lot of different things he came from nowhere and then he went back to nowhere. Yeah. Yeah. He had a couple of hot years there. So he was in A Bronx Tale. I feel like that was

like one of yeah, that was his that was his jumping on the scene. Usual Suspects, Jade and then

fuck, pretty quickly and I was just a couple of years later Stuart Little and then back back to fucking nothing. I wonder what kind of living a guy like him pretty quickly. Analyze this a couple of years later, Stuart Little, and then back, back to fucking nothing.

I wonder what kind of living a guy like him made off being in that many movies. I guess it would depend on how smart you were with your money, but I'm always fascinated about that showbiz stuff of like people who burn kind of bright and they're in some popular stuff. You know, they're not in like some major major major franchise or anything but like just that filmography what kind of money is that bringing you in yeah the back end like a stewart little or something presumably you know presumably you're still getting a little bit off that from time to time, right? When it's getting resold to streaming services and stuff like that.

I don't know. Yeah, look, that's one of those weird little showbiz things that you think, oh, yeah, royalties. It's like, well, I don't know. In Australia, that sort of doesn't really exist, I don't think. In America, maybe. But surely the movie has to be fucking huge to get anything like that. Yeah.

Just appear in it. Like, I get it if you wrote it. I get it if you directed it or if you owned part of the movie or whatever, but for someone walking on and saying fucking 10 lines. Also what your fee would have been in the first place. Well, there was a thing recently with this video game that was coming out and it was the third one in a series and they had recast the voice actor of the main character without anyone really noticing and then like a week

before the game came out the person who'd been replaced was like hey these people fucked me over um they offered me only fifteen thousand dollars to do all the all the you know all the voice acting in this game it's like a pretty popular series. And kind of people initially went, wow, that's like no money. And then all of a sudden people looked into it and it's like, no, that is like the industry standard for that. Which then people just went, I mean, that's crazy. To be a role in this thing that is like this pretty big media property

that is going to be around for a long time. This game will be around for a long time. You know, it's an established series and you get like fifteen thousand dollars for it yeah like that seems so low that's like you can be in an ad that's on for like a month and get more than that well i think to put into normal people sort of um perspective it's like okay it's not like that's like working at mcdonald's and then, oh, this is how much you get for a shift. It's like, oh, that's fucking awesome. And it's like, by the way, you don't work until next year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because those jobs aren't coming up all the time. Yes. And also the higher profile something that you're in is the less likely you are to be able to get more work. Another thing, yeah. Because people know you from that. Right. But it was just pretty funny that people were like, oh, wow, this company's really fucked her over and really lowballed her and then people looked in and it's like

oh no this is a problem with the industry it's always it's like when you're a kid and you think like you hear a band on the radio and you're like man imagine getting played on Triple J you must just be famous and be able to buy a house and it's like I had friends who were in a band that was played on Triple J pretty regularly

and they were like yeah I still work at the cinema yeah yeah yeah no i'm not quitting that anytime soon it's like when we're touring that's cool yeah when we got an album out and we're selling some merch bundles that's cool yeah but then there's like three years in between yeah well there's nothing going on well that's it you know sometimes people criticize like australia for that sort of thing it's like oh fucking you know blah blah blah about music or comedy or whatever it is. It's like, we're a small island nation. It's just not big enough. Yeah, fuck all population.

Yeah, we're not America. We're not any huge country. So that's what... Yeah, that's no one's fault but the size of the country. Yeah. So unless you're going to get out there and have eight kids, you're not really helping. What?

Well, you know. Oh, build the population. Man, that's a very funny motivation for having a ton of children. Yeah, yeah. I want Australia to have the same population as the U.S. Yeah. And I'm going to do my part. I'm helping the TV industry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm helping my favorite band. Yeah. Maybe, you know, when my kids are like 30 and this band are on, you know, one of their big reunion tours, they'll be able to do a bigger venue than what they're doing now. I want them to be able to do Marvel Stadium. And you can thank me for not wearing a dinger for that.

Yep. Just doing my part. We've all got to help. Coming in a chick. Yep. Well, thanks, Jade Cleland. Thanks. Just doing my part. We've all got to help. Coming in a chick. Yep. Well, thanks, Jade Cleland. Thanks. That reminds me.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what? Man, I got annoyed today. I think I fumbled an opportunity. Something that I've never come across, which is I got a call from a blocked number or a known number. Yep. And I very rarely answer them.

Very rarely. But I did today because I could be weirdly... I answered one yesterday and it happened to be a very important business call. So then I was like, fuck, I better answer the next one. You never know. Yeah. So I answered it. That's how they get you.

Yeah. That's what the people on the other end are hoping will happen. Yeah. So then I answered this one. That's what the people on the other end are hoping will happen. Yeah. So then I answered this one. And then very clearly it was obvious that it was like someone in an office,

in a room full of people that were doing this sort of thing. And I had it in the chamber what I was saying. I'd already sort of gone, okay, I'm just going to go, thank you anyway, but no, goodbye. And I did that. But as I was saying it, I sort of went over the top of the lady going hey this is not a sales call or anything it's just me i'm from the nielsen ratings tv company i just want to ask you a few questions i'm like no thank you goodbye oh what like oh fuck i could have been like one of the ratings guys. The Nielsens? Well, yeah, whatever it is. You mean Oztan?

Maybe. I don't know. I think Nielsen's the American one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanted to see if you were checking out Fox News or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See what I thought about what I was watching on CNN. Yeah.

So now I wish I wouldn't have done it. I've never been. It's always been like a mystery, TV ratings. It's crazy to me. I'm part of it. Because that's the thing of like they all work... That's how they work. They're just calling people up.

Is that what they do? They don't give you a book anymore? Well, I think they call them and then they scale up or something. Isn't that it? I don't know. But... Damn. It also...

It always has seemed so crazy to me that that's how it works. Yeah. That if you told me... If it came out, it's like that actually isn't. We just literally do make it up. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised at all. I'd be like, wait, you mean that they're not just calling people up?

I find that hard to believe. I could have said, yeah, I've been watching Little Dumb Dumb Club on TV all day, every day. It's the best. And they're going, wow, we've never even heard of that. Watching something that doesn't even exist yet. Therefore, if we commission it. Yeah. We better get onto the networks.

We can count on at least one. Wow, the idea that the ratings are liaising with the networks to tell them what should be on. Yeah, yeah. Beyond just like the numbers that they're giving them. When people keep saying they're watching a show that doesn't exist. So if we make that show, how many people are going to watch that? Yeah.

Because it's already being watched by so many people. Field of Dreaming's your way into it. Dreaming your way into a TV show would be great. Yeah. That would be great. Yeah. All right. All right.

Thanks, Jade. Some very interesting ideas your name has conjured there. All right. Well, like we've signposted throughout the show, we're about to go and do an actual show, actual real guts of the show. So we better go and meet our guests, whoever could they be. And all right, let's just do one more of these.

Thank you very much to patron subscriber. Oh, okay. I didn't know they had this here. Thank you very much to patron subscriber Nielsen's Comedy. Wow. How would you rate that as a name? How would I rate that as a name? 1.5 million.

Wow. Yeah, big numbers. Wow. That needs to exist. Out of all the population. Really? That's someone a little while ago who just pumped out heaps of kids. Right.

So that Nielsen's comedy could have more people right listening to that name that had no one watching it before yeah a lot of barebacking was done

exactly and now Nielsen's comedy doesn't have to work at the Hoyts anymore exactly that's great beautiful what a dream

wow it all tied together yeah hooters yeah who cares big tits alright thanks guys

thanks for supporting the show. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for the links to the Patreon. Get on there. Get the bonus episodes. We've got T-shirts on our website if you want to go and do that. We have T-shirts for sale. Get the merch up there. Get it out of my daughter's room.

Yeah, get on there. Thanks for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates.