The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 634 - Tommy Little & Oliver Clark

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

We've been welcomed back to Chez Little this week, with our "special" guests TOMMY LITTLE and OLIVER CLARK! Karl reminisces about his early days in comedy with Tommy Little and OC's been singing for some of Little's dinner guests. There's also some old school Maryborough hijinx, a new harebrained scheme that Little's working on, and Dassalo's done some riffing outside a carpark. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Tommy Little and Oliver Clark. You can support the show on Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumdumclub. You get two bonus little episodes every week into your feed, little mini ones with some special guests. Always a lot of fun on them, so go check that out and support the pod. We really appreciate it. We would love your money. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum we'll talk to you i'm gonna talk to you then you're gonna talk then well i mean we got to talk about this because you just talked to them to say that you were going to talk then all right edit this bit out okay enjoy this new episode with tommy little and oliver Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler and with me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Get it, dickhead. And joining us today on the show, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the program, Oliver Clarke and Tommy Little. Yes.

Thank you. Thank you. Have you ever had a guest that hasn't been special? Yeah. Because if you introduce us all as special, surely you're lying sometimes. Yeah, for sure. Sometimes.

Sometimes. I wonder when that time could be. Hang on. Wait. Hang on. Wait. Hang on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Last week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. Oh, you heard that ep. See how this goes. A couple of dead shits you had on them. I might go back and delete that bit out of the intro. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be thinking about it 30 minutes in. Let's have a meeting every week. Just decide whether we're going to put the special in. Do we say special? That's great. And on today just decide whether we're going to put the special in do we say special that's great and on today's episode we've got a couple of guests

we've got a couple of big guests they've got some fucking guests some cunt guests wow okay it's very hard

very early yeah yeah yeah alright let's calm down that's the start of a stand up show where you walk out and within two minutes you've gone, anyway, cunts, just a throwaway one.

Just pull your pants down. Have a look at my dick, everyone. Well, there's 58 minutes to go. Where's it go from here? As they said in drama, never give 100% because it gives you nowhere to go. What's going to happen at the end of this show? But no, you're a special guest.

You know, when we do this, we come to your house, your beautiful surrounds of Shea Little. Yes. No one else has been like, boys, trust me, you're going to want to do it at my house instead of your shit shack. Did you instigate this, Tommy? Oh, no. I didn't say come over to the Casa de Clonge

because I don't want to go to your place. But no, that was inferred. I didn't want to go to your place. Yeah, yeah. What had you heard? No, no, I've just been to go to your place. But no, that was inferred. I didn't want to go to your place. Yeah, yeah. What did you heard? No, no, I've just been there. I would love for you to see how the other half live. I think it would be good for you.

I know, I've seen it. I've seen it. We could always do this in your servants' quarters if you want. We could replicate one of our houses. No, that's too big. Yeah, right. And liveable. Sorry.

Sorry. No, it does remind me, whenever we come to your house, I do think, you know what I think of? I think of your life, given that we sort of vaguely started at the same time. You started years before me. No. Years before me. That is the charitable way of dancing around.

It's like sort of vaguely at the same time. Six years earlier. Even when I got onto the scene, they were like, oh, that's Chandler. He's a bit long in the tooth. He's been turning up at the same open mic wearing those same pyjamas. Let's start with the pyjamas.

That's too early in the pod. Guys, give me a heads up. Who's that costume comic over there? Why isn't that cunt in bed yet? Who's the guy walking around holding the candle? Who's the comedian from yesteryear? Who's that guy looking older than Captain Snooze? Oh, Quantock's doing one-liners.

Quantock's dad's here. Wow. Yeah. Got tired of the political stuff. Moved on to little riddles about caterpillars. No, I would have started one or two years before you. And then I remember I did a comedy competition with you and I were in the final. I remember this very well.

What was the comp? It was back when there used to be comedy competitions all the time. University comp kind of thing? No, it was in Richmond. It was at whatever that big pub was. It was the Precinct. The Precinct, that's it. Oh, wow.

And it was Tommy Little and I and a couple of others in the final. And judged by Glenn Robbins and Luke Darcy, footballer, and a couple of others. And then the results came out. First place, Kay Chandler. Second place, T. Little. And you've never heard a room boo. Like, be booed. You can actually feel the algorithm change as I got on stage.

It'll never be like this again, ever. It'll never be like this. You had two years on him, though. I looked at the judges' table and they were crying. They're like, we've made a horrible mistake it was a joke yeah it was a joke vote no you know you know what actually happened was the realistic thing was like so i get the first place prize but then one of the judges was the head of a big big management company who then went who obviously got out voted on the on the on the

vote and then went i'm gonna give you a heap of money anyway to talk to tommy, and then went, I'm going to give you a heap of money anyway, to Tommy Little. And then was like, and I'm sitting there going, yeah, I think I would have rather been in that guy's pocket than fucking get this sort of like golden handshake. That's not true, because you got a novelty check. Yeah, you're right.

Sure, I got a career. And where is that check today? And I got a novelty career. It's oversized, but it's worthless. I sleep on that cheque now. Sure, you may have a nice house, but I sleep pretty on my one-person cheque. In my single bed, Jack.

Have you still got the cheque? You did have it for quite a while. It took pride of place In my apartment For way too long Did you get any cash To redeem from that at all Yes That's actually how it works

Oliver No I know But you know When you just get a novelty cheque I thought that's literally What you were getting No no no I thought that's fucking sad

And this guy's actually Getting cash Yeah no We spent all the money For first place Getting the novelty cheque made Yeah yeah yeah No I did get it But it the money for first place getting the novelty check made. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I did get it, but it was like in texture and stuff.

It wasn't like a... It wasn't even typed out properly. It was just like... What? Like they... Oh, they literally made it. Yeah. No, no, they made it, but then when I remember...

But it's separate, right? The check is just a display. Yes. You're not going in... With the giant. Yes. No, you're not. But I do remember that, like,

obviously it must have been, like, someone couldn't believe I won because I remember they wrote my name on the cheque and they ran out of space for it and had to go, D-L-E-R, within about three millimetres. Yes, because they quickly had to cross out my name. A lot of big novelty liquid paper was being used.

Do you use that to get jobs these days? Is that your resume? You just bring in your check? It got thrown out, I reckon, about after, fuck, it would have been six, seven years. I held on to it as long as I could. You did have it for a long time. I think I remember that in your Hawthorne place.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was way too proud of it for way too long. You know what a good business would be? You set up a giant bank for everyone to come in with their giant novelty checks and just cash them in. You've been told for years this is just for display. Well, not anymore. Come on in and we'll honour them.

That'd just be a great day just watching people lining up with their fucking meat raffle prizes and whatnot. You know what else is a really great day? When one of your friends says to you, hey, I've got a story of when I beat you and then I go oh yeah when

and he goes 12 years ago and that's the most recent one hey I'm well aware if I had a more recent story

I'd fucking crack it out so wait just refresh me because I can't remember who came where in the competition I just I zoned out for a second.

I lost track of the details. In the competition, me in life, him. You've got a family that loves you. Yeah, yeah. Sort of like, love's a strong word. They haven't left yet, so that's something. How do you remember feeling on that evening, Tommy, when Carl, did you feel like, man, I've got to start working harder?

Yeah, that was the motivation. Or was there a bit were you in your head like this is a fucking outrage i'm gonna storm the capital of yeah i thought the system's rigged yeah man i'll be honest off the audience reaction i you should have won that night i remember you getting better laughs than me and i was like fuck i've snuck this one in did you know anyone there chando to give you the kudos no no no right and why did the guy give him money? Just because he wanted him? Because it was a big manager who was like, fuck, this is the future. This cunt could have a $1,000 payoff

and disappear into obscurity. But I reckon this bloke could be on fucking radio one day. Was it based on looks? Is that the problem? Talent, looks, comedy. Amount of laughs on the night. All those footnotes. Who wasn't wearing pyjamas?

Well, that reminds me of the first time I met you, Little. You were setting fire to a big box that you had of Russell Coit DVDs. Was that second prize? No, because Glenn Robbins did you so dirty. Oh, yes. I forgot he was even a judge. I was like, this is a... What's I?

I really liked Russell Coyne. It's good when you make a callback and it gets a laugh, but then the person who laughed went, what does that mean? Got away with murder there. I'm supportive. It felt great. I would have usually waited until a song came on and then gone, hey, bro, just say no.

You know, I gave you a laugh. I didn't understand. Oh, my God. You are officially in third place, mate. Yeah, what kind of handshake am I getting from a big manager? I would love to be able to throw to songs on this show, honestly. Yeah. Yeah, fuck, just a little respite.

What the fuck's going on? Well, you don't even need songs. You just need Ed Sheeran. Yeah. One song, the most thrown to thing ever. That's true for sure I mean we're not live

we could just stop every three minutes and go how come you guys don't have sponsors I thought by now you'd have sponsors what a brutal

question that's like going I'll extend the question how come you guys don't have a radio show yeah we got sponsors I think we still got

those DoorDash ones from ages ago it's like it's like radio. It's not like Tommy has to say all the ads. They put the ads in in post. We do have ads. We're okay. Or are you just putting them in under that and we just don't notice?

Making up products? Are you advertising the precinct hotel? Yeah, we are. Fuck, they've got their $1,000. How are we going to weave this in? Chandler light bulb goes off.

Those good people at the precinct, when we did that gig. I only advertise products that have somehow made me look good in the last 10 to 15 years.

Do you want a fun little advertising thing? So in the middle of lockdown, you know how everybody started getting desperate. People were recording stand-up stuff from their homes, stuff like that.

I got offered an ad for next to no money for Menu Log and recorded it in where I was staying, like really, you know, pretty, like no frills production. Anyway, came around to, am I going to do more ads for MenuLock? And they said, no, we're going with Snoop Dogg. And I went, we are the same. The only person on more drugs in lockdown. Which is weird because it was like the whole world was in lockdown with nothing to do. You could have gotten Snoop Dogg back then.

It probably would have been easier and cheaper. You would think it would go the other way. I don't think it would have been cheaper to get Snoop Dogg. Yeah. I felt like that when you overtook me after the comedy show. I'm your Snoop Dogg. Yeah, yeah. Wait, hang on. What? Of the precinct. I'm Snoop Dogg. What's his story?

Oh, didn't I tell you? First I've heard of this. I thought I told you. No, no, no. The time quite recently, in relative to the history of the earth, thought I told you. No, no, no. The time quite recently in relative to the history of the earth where I was better at Tommy Little than at comedy. No, no.

Where you beat him in a competition. Sorry, sorry. Let's not change history. History is told by the victors. It was sort of like running the 100 metres

and coming second and somehow walking out of the stadium with a gold medal. I was like, OK, I can't argue with the judges. Something's wrong with the stopwatch, but I'm not arguing. I can't return it. I feel like you don't have the proof anymore, though. This is all hearsay, isn't it? You're right.

Actually, sorry. Let's do a... You know what, Carl? I don't remember that happening. Yes! Unless you've got evidence, I guess it never happened. I think, OC, you might have seen it not happen. Yeah.

Yeah, let's gaslight him, boys. Let's get in. Hang on, get to my phone. Hello, Russell Coy. Please, please. Why are you bringing him up? What's he got to do with this? Let's take him down while he's on the bottom.

Let's take him subterranean. OC, did you ever do a comedy competition? I did the uni one when I was like 19. It was my first ever gig. It was at the Prince Patrick Hotel on Victoria Parade. Just heckled to the shithouse. Died in the ass. Oh, a comedy competition.

That's rough. Yeah, really bad. I had show us your tits. Also, in your suit, it's quite hard to show tits. No, I didn't have a suit back then. I had pyjamas. I didn't know Chandler was about to hit the scene. And what did you do with that $1,000 once you beat Bill Hicks?

And what did you do with that $1,000 once you beat Bill Hicks? What sort of stuff were you doing? I remember going, I remember the biggest lesson I learned there was like, don't ask questions or something. I think I was going to have this big bit about my grandma. You know, I was going to make some shit up about my grandma. I went, who here likes their grandma? You know, and someone goes, I do.

And went, oh, there goes my bit. You know? Okay. When I loved my grandma anyway. How is that a strong bit if you got derailed by someone agreeing with you?

It's also... Mate, this is, you know, but this is all shit in my head. This is the very first time delivering, you know how it is. And a great sign of crowd work where any answer in the world

except the one you've planned for, throws you off. Yeah, I know. I know. I think I maybe had a guitar as well, so I probably just quickly hooked that on. Right, great. Ask a yes or no question. A song anyone? Great.

Isabel. Isabel. Isabel. Uncle Arthur up the back, big cross through your name. This can't scream it. So I did a gig here the other night. Oh, that was great. It was so fun. When you say here, in your house. This country. So I did a gig here the other night. Oh, that was great. It was so fun.

When you say here, in your house. Literally in the house. So I put on a... How did you get that? I knew a few. I put on a mystery restaurant for listeners of the radio show because I've got it into cooking. So I wanted to make a restaurant in my house.

And so we blindfolded them Took their phones Put them in a van Brought them here And why did you blindfold them? Was this still part of the restaurant competition? Or what the fuck's going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah Just so they wouldn't know where I live

Oh, right Yeah, yeah, yeah So they won And, you know They didn't know when the finger was going up Oh, if you think that's bad That's just the entree That's a chicken tender right there.

Oh, a little underdone. Oh, that's raw. That's putting the whore into hors d'oeuvres. Hors d'oeuvres. But Ollie was here playing music for them when they came in, right? And I didn't know, but you were singing a song, and I thought it was just a funny Oliver Clarke song because I have never heard this song in my life.

Are you kidding me? I've never heard this song. He was singing, Feliz Navidad. You've never heard? Have you heard Feliz Navidad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, I've never heard, and of course, because I think it was so funny, I'm like,

this is funny, man. Feliz Navidad. What did you think Feliz Navidad meant then no idea you think I was talking about but let's not forget you are the man who will point out

some of the words to his show is that cook eye that's cook eye that's cook eye Tommy loves that bit that's my favourite bit if I'd ever been judging

a comedy comp and I'd seen that he goes to me once he goes I know a lot of people laugh but I just don't get it yeah yeah for the people at home you do you do point at someone and say He goes to me once, he goes, I know a lot of people laugh at it, but I just don't get it. For the people at home, you do point at someone and say,

is that Cook Eye? Because Cook Eye is a brand of clothing. And I don't know, again, I don't know why you do it either, but fuck me, every time I walk past a Cook Eye store, I take a picture of myself with it and send it to you and go, is this Cook Eye? I think they're dying off those stores. I don't know.

But also, I don't go to shopping malls. Yeah. I think it's interesting, Tommy, that you think there's something about that bit that needs to be got. You know what it was. Like a layer that you're not. Yeah. It's literally OC saying cook-eye.

Like a lot of times. For five minutes. And also that a guy would know the store cook-eye. You know, like it's pretty, it's an unusual reference. Can I say, I think everyone here relates to this bit. I, today. Tommy Little in a comedy comp. Actually, a lot of people can relate to that.

Have you heard about this? This morning, went to the gym. This is reasonably early, about nine o'clock, nine o'clock in the morning. morning went to the gym and this is reasonably early about nine o'clock nine o'clock in the morning um underneath the the the bench for the bench press condom wrapper oh just 24 hour gym hang on empty empty condom yeah but it's a 24 hour gym no i guess i guess we all spot differently there were spots on the ground that's for for sure. Yeah. Are you wearing your gloves? More than one. Well, to be honest, I've got like a little thumb on here.

Do you need to be spotted? I need protection. That's for sure. Oh, you've got a finger ding on. I call it a thumb dom, but yeah, it's a finger dinger. What's that for? Well, because the thumb's a bit dry and it's just not healing. So I'm keeping it nice and moist and loose.

What's it healing from? I don't know. It just got really dry and then I kind of kept washing up. What did you do? Look, somebody's anus wasn't as moist as it should have been. Or the pH balance was way off. It was after the gig you did round at my house.

Yeah, yeah. The mystery gig you thumbed in. Because it looks like, you know how food safety things are blue? Well, you know what it is? And this is, I literally, because you can get those thumb dingers, but I don't know. I don't know. I just found rubber gloves and just chopped off the fucking fingers.

Oh, yeah, that's exactly what it is. I'm looking at it going, where'd you get that from? But you're right. That is just one fifth of a glove. Yeah, and so therefore, for each glove, I've got five thumb doms. Yes, right. Well, apart from the pinky, it doesn't fit. I'm too big.

Oh, it must be nice. Someone can hitchhike. So, dinger under the... Dinger wrapper. Dinger wrapper under the bench press. So, maybe you just had a dry dick. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't...

Why did you leave it there? Well, I'm like, well, I guess odds are it's just fallen out of someone's pocket. But it did make me think... An empty wrapper? Yeah. Who keeps that? Were you not listening? That's a good point.

No, but that's what I meant. Why is an empty... Like, yeah. Why is that in their gym shorts When they're in the gym It is an interesting Line to draw So let's

Let's say they used it For fucking Yeah And then They've taken their Used condom with them But thought Ah

The wrap is fine down there Yeah right Like you would You would think you would either Not care of the establishment enough To leave both around Right Or Take both with you Yeah Why would I do when I You would think you would either not care of the establishment enough to leave both around. Right. Or take both with you.

Yeah. What would I do when I have sex at a gym? Yeah, yeah. The question I thought was, okay, well, what is the best part of the gym to have sex on? Oh, that machine that you open your legs wide open and close. You know the one that men shouldn't do? Right. It should be illegal.

That's good because I had a good think about it, but you've got your choice within fucking 0.5 of a second. Yeah, absolutely. Or if you're on an expert level, the Stairmaster. Yeah, well. Just trying to follow in time with the... I thought, I was thinking about the treadmill, 69ing on the treadmill, exercise for two.

69ing on the treadmill? No. Just holding them up. You know what you need Oh god that's romantic You need two treadmills That go the other way So it

One shoots you over to one And shoots you back Onto the other Oh yeah yeah Okay yeah And my back would be Forcing you together Yeah

No You're in 69 And then you're on one treadmill And so it shoots you Off the end of that But onto the other one Oh yeah It's basically rocking the baby Right right right But in this case Instead of a baby 69 and then you're on one treadmill and so it shoots you off the end of that but onto the other one Oh, yeah

It's basically rocking the baby Yeah, yeah, yeah But in this case instead of a baby it's two grown adults 69ing each other Yeah, yeah, the back treadmill's actually working and the front treadmill isn't It's just forcing you into the person Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Was there Did you happen to notice was there a hole cut out of like the bench press in the seat?

Yeah That could explain it Did I happen to notice that? You happened to notice Oh, also Did cut out of like the bench press in the seat that could explain it did i happen to notice you happen to notice oh also detective cap on well when i looked up i did see that there was a hole above me yes my penis was in a man's arsehole while i was on the floor was there a hole because maybe there was a hole in the in the in the bench and maybe it wasn't a bench and it was a massage table maybe it wasn't a gym, and it was a massage table, and maybe it wasn't a gym. And maybe I just let someone have sex with me. Yeah, and maybe it wasn't a bench, it was a big check, and maybe it was the second place guy above me.

The only thing that I say about these, that I criticise about these novelty checks, not enough come home. I've come first after all. Let me come again. You know how there's wet on Wellington and then there's a gym next door? And every time I drive past, I'm always thinking, how many wet on Wellington?

So wet on Wellington is a gay bar, gay club. Gay bath house. Pool. Is there a pool in there? I'm assuming because it's wet. Nice Is there a pool in there I'm assuming Because it's wet Nice try You like that

I don't know I'm assuming But you just go there To have sex right Yeah Well we do But I don't know What you're supposed to do

Yes But do you Like how many Like sessions in the gym Never before Has the lack of diversity In a show Been better spotlighted

Than right now What happens? Oh, you think we're normal people? We've spent the first 10 minutes talking about a comedy competition from 12 years ago. Which would have had the same diversity quota. Yes, absolutely.

But you know, if you're in the gym, you're in the change rooms, a guy takes your fancy, how many people are just popping straight over to Wet n' Wet? I often have this thought about when you see junkies in matching track suits and I will think, I like to think that each time

they leave the house, they're like, not today. I'm going to the gym today. And then they get a block away and they're like, I'll have a little eat. Go on. It's on the way yeah go on these are also good for the couch

yeah this will give me a bit of energy but yes I imagine people wanting to go to the gym and being like no no

today I'll go I'll still get a workout let's go I'm going to be sweating either way yeah I'll just put this steroids in. Heroin again?

Tom Ballard was telling me on the day of the Queen's funeral, someone was telling him that the gay bathhouses in London were going to be staying open, but they had said out of respect to Her Majesty, there'll be no movies or music playing. So it's like we're open. You can come in and get your rocks off, but just in weird silence like she would have wanted.

Right. Out of respect. Yeah, we want her to hear it. We don't want to hear just music playing around London. We want that cold slapping to reverberate all the way to the coffin. She hated techno, but she loved anal. I mean, it did make me go, movies? What are they?

Just chucking on a bit of Ace Ventura in there while you're getting sucked off? It sounds awesome. Yours is weirdly specific. You know what? A friend of the show, Nick Carr, was down in Melbourne on the weekend. We went for a walk around the city yesterday, the day before. And I did notice one thing he commented. He's from Brisbane, right?

And he's walking around in Melbourne sort of looking around and you kind of think, oh, he's in the big city now. At one point he did go, oh Have you guys Have you guys still got Like porno theatres here That's cool It's like Fuck how bad's Brisbane If you're looking up to us

For the fact you can go in And have a public wank Yeah In the city But fuck That surprised me Brisbane doesn't have any though Yeah

Doesn't it I also Because I remember being younger And they were Those like club exes With peep show Yeah Were everywhere in the city.

I never see them now. Like a lot of them have closed. Yeah. A lot. Well, there's... Too many? Mate, I'm walking around the city for too long. I'm looking to invest.

Where have they all gone? What do you mean it's a pie shop? I'll leave in a couple of minutes. My face, yes please. Get me into this Club X. Oh, What do you mean it's a pie shop? I'll leave in a couple of minutes. My face? Yes, please. Get me into this Club X. Oh, wait. You mean the...

Oh, shit. But like 15, 20 years ago, there was no internet or whatever. So now if you're going into a porno theater in the city, you are a true porno cinephile. Like there's no reason except for I only jerk off in front of a fucking big screen, in front of the wide screen.

But it was that for a long time. Like even when they were like prolific there was you know tapes yeah yeah and there were walls yeah

and people lived in houses yeah yeah yeah and what is the demographic going in it's not our age surely I reckon it's I reckon we're getting closer to the age yeah definitely I reckon these two are going to meet in the middle

yeah yeah I'd like to think that there's 16, 17 year olds just like looking forward to their to the age. Yeah, definitely. I'll keep forgetting. I reckon these two are going to meet in the middle. Yeah, yeah. I'd like to think that there's 16, 17 year olds just looking forward to their, instead of like buying alcohol for the first time.

I guess, yeah. Going into a peep show. Those ones where you go in and you're just on the internet in there? That's it. You know those like booths where it's just like a computer?

What, is that a sex store? So in Club X they have that where you just sit there and browse the net and look at porn in there. Oh, really? Is it students that live with parents or something?

Or is it share houses with a lot of people? Yeah, that must be. But even they've got bathrooms. Yeah, totally. But I guess maybe they like to take their time and not be accused of being a Wally with water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Having a shower run for 35 minutes. Coming, yeah, yeah. Having a shower for 35 minutes.

Just in this dingy. Coming out smoking a cigarette. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coming out bone dry. Oh God, I need a glove to put on this.

I better put it on my thumb just to cover me. Keep wearing like light coloured shorts so you can just see a blue rod. Yeah, yeah.

Man, that reminds me. So I've just got back from Thailand. I went there with, we talked about it last week, went there with a friend of the show, Brett Blake, went there with a friend of the show, Milan,

went there with a couple, a friend of the show, Tony from the Avalanches, went there with two mates from Meribah, growing up in Meribah and three of their mates. Oh, just getting the band back together. Exactly. Just the the band back together. Exactly.

Just the nine amigos back together. And it reminded me because part of the great thing of it was that my two Maribor mates, this is how I first sort of got into Thailand, that we went to England together. They said, how about we go to Thailand

for three months before that? And I said, sound shit. And I went to Japan for a week instead. And they traveled the way through thailand for like three months and then told me all the stories once i got to london and i was like i really fuck this really hard like that sounds fucking amazing and so that was like 20 years ago so this is now this is basically like the 20 year anniversary of that and so we finally got to travel around in thailand together yes that's yeah so that was a nice thing so we were like hanging out a lot and and they reminded me of a very funny fucked in the head story from 30 years ago so us growing up in maribor and uh one of one of my friends uh he has diabetes but 30 years ago so now he's just got like some like machine stuck in him.

Oh yeah. You know how that works? Oh, he doesn't do the shot a day. My mates have that, their little pen. No. And they just. I think there's a thing you can put in there now that reads your blood straight up. Yeah.

And then does it also dispense what it needs? Yes, exactly. Wow. It's a little, yeah, it's a little computer that you just stick inside you. Wow. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's awesome compared to especially. What if you tickle them?

Does it affect it? I don't know. Gucci, Gucci. Stop it! I'm dying of laughter. I don't know if you can just pull it out and it's like, ah, gotcha. Yeah, gotcha.

Because it is literally like a plug that you stick into you. Yeah, it's kind of gross, but I think this is why the human body's going this way, right? We're all going to have shit put in us that's good. Yeah, well, this is way better than what it was. Are we? Yeah, well, you know, like,

the human body's going this way. 3D printed bladders have been around for like 10 years. He's already got the blue thumb, so it's all going that way. That's on the outside. That's going to be on the inside in a couple of years. This is the beginning of you, like, Robocopping yourself. Yeah. Imagine, because I reckon that's going to be on the inside in a couple of years this is the beginning of you like robocopping yourself

yeah imagine because I reckon you're going to have like you know CCTV footage from your eyes all blue rubber

my skin will just be blue rubber you'll be a smurf in 20 years and then someone goes we should make a movie about it or Avatar's been done

right well the smurfs also has been done twice they were both bad references they were I did prefer the smurfs also has been done. Twice? They were both bad references. They were. I did prefer the Smurfs. I liked that one.

Not referenced today. Second place yet again. Another win, Tender! I'm going to be the late Glenn Robbins judge this one. He's diabetic, but back then he was like, you had to control the levels and you know have a level reading

all the time and it was really tricky because this is like you know we're 16, 17 years old in the country and he's having to do that and on the sort of on the sly

because you don't want to be saying to everyone oh I've got this sort of you know thing that I've got to manage and whatever it's like you know as soon as you do that

it's everyone like ahhh you're fucked in the head for some reason well also I think back then back then diabetes was just kind of like the fat person's disease oh maybe but you know if you got type one that's nothing yeah yeah but so on top of that you basically you know you weren't supposed to you know have much sugar or anything like that he's you know you're 16 17 years old in the country you want to drink you want to go and

drink with your mates and stuff like that so he would do that and then just have to manage the levels and then of course the drunker you get the less managing of anything you're doing and the more bourbon and cokie you get yes yeah yeah bit of fighting juice yeah yeah all that so everything gets mixed up so uh a lot of time that you know something would go awry and so this one time uh everyone was at his place and it's like out in the countryside and he basically has this massive night passes out on the bed starts to have like starts to fucking get out of control but no one knows that so our other mate goes up and goes ah look at this guy passed out gets a big fat thick texter writes on his back, cunt, in huge letters. Writes on his chest,

I am gay, in huge, fat letters. Then puts one roller blade on his foot. And then the guy just wakes up in a half a fit, gets up, stands on the one roller blade, goes absolutely arse up on the tiles, on the hard tiles. Then they realise he's having a fit. His mum has to call an ambulance. The hospital's an hour away.

So then cut to them going in the hospital for an hour with this guy with one rollerblade on. I'm still picturing it still on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or is it just tied to the back? Like a water ski And not only that But he's also gay Yeah

Yeah Whole different hospital And a cunt Yeah So then Cut to him On the Like whatever it is

Not the Like operating table Whatever they've brought him to The gurney Yeah At the hospital The doctor's there Trying to treat him

And his mum's standing there Next to him Like spitting into a hanky there trying to treat him, and his mum's standing there next to him, like spitting into a hanky and trying to wipe I am gay off his chest. Jesus. Imagine the stick. I mean, the roller blade is so clever. I've never heard of that one before. It's so funny and so clever that it's almost like,

why don't you just back yourself and just go the roller blade? The texture really cheapens the whole thing. You know what I mean? It's like really gilding the lily. What do you normally do when your diabetic friend has an episode? Have you seen Toy Story? Yeah. Have you seen it?

Yeah. Like the move you do when someone's drunk and passed out? No. No? What? It's Toy Story-ing. Okay. No, I thought you were just asking me if I'd seen the incredibly popular film Toy Story.

No, it was like a fad going around for a while that when your mate was passed out on the couch, you'd tie strings around his hands and around his feet, and then with a marker on his foot, you'd write Woody, and then you'd operate him like a puppet on the couch. I like that. Like Woody from Toy Story. That's good. That's funny.

It was good stuff. It was really good. How long ago were you talking to him? Oh, last week. That's good stuff. My friend, we were at a Bucks thing a while ago, and my friend passed out, and he had a bottle in his hand when he fell asleep,

and he just kind of spilled it on himself, but all over his crotch. So it looks like he's pissed himself. And taken a photo of it. a bottle in his hand when he fell asleep and he just kind of spilled it on himself but like all over his crotch so it looks like he's pissed himself and like taking a photo of it put it on i was like the only one that had reception for some weird reason so i put it online like late at night next day we go to a winery everyone else has all of a sudden got you know reception in the group and i'm like in the toilet and i come, I open the door and my friend is just like standing there in the doorway blocking me and he just goes, pull it. Pull it.

Pull it. Take it down. A guy that works in PR. Just like, you know what you've done. You know I didn't piss myself. You know it was just a bad angle. Pull it. And I'm like, all right.

You know the hand in the warm water thing does make you piss yourself never tried it warm water I had it done to me yeah yeah yeah oh did it work yeah absolutely oh wow

yes I tried to argue quite dramatically no you guys just tipped water on my crotch it happens if why is it inside your pants and I was like that's a very good point

that's a tricky pour and well done gentlemen you know it happens as well if someone puts your hand into some cum you have a wet dream That's a tricky pour and well done, gentlemen. You know, it happens as well if someone puts your hand into some cum, you have a wet dream. Just a warm cum.

Wow. It's got to be warm. That's good. No wonder we need more of those cinemas back. You should go back and do that at your first gig in the comedy company. I don't think you'd be getting booed if you wheeled out that one. That's good. Can I ask your professional opinions on something um oh see i'm particularly interested have i talked to you about the plane

i don't know if i've asked you and i'm particularly interested in your are you okay go so um this is an idea and i genuinely think it's an excellent idea okay elvis had three planes right he had three private jets two of them i see as you probably know i thought he only had one but no he has three to me two of them are at graceland yes the third one i'm currently in negotiations with an auction house oh my god to try and buy okay amazing because it doesn't fly it's got no engines but i want to turn it into a airbnb because i feel like people would pay a huge amount of money so parks has one of the biggest elvis festival yeah i've performed i performed there during the elvis fest there you go yeah i reckon you could put the plane somewhere there yeah and put like a new bed in but obviously

keep some of the original full overhaul nothing but obviously keep some of the original, full overhaul, nothing original. Keep some of the original stuff in there. With Laugh Love on the way in. And people would pay a fortune to stay there. Absolutely. In Elvis' plane. You know what you could do as well? Recreate the Graceland gates in the whole fuselage.

Too much, I say. Too much. And then you go in and it's a jungle room with the three TVs. No, this is like writing I am gay on someone's chest with the rollerblade.

It's too much. Hat on a hat. Hearing I'm in negotiations with an auction house to buy one of the most famous people of all time's plane and the response is, yeah, if you get yourself

some gates though, then you'll really, if you just put a little bit more effort and money in, then it'll be a good idea. Sure, it's Elvis' plane, but how do we get in there? Hey, can I ask though? It's not functional.

Where is it? It's over in the States. So how do you get it over? It can't fly. Slingshot it. It can't fly. No, we've got to cut the wings off and bring the fuselage and the wings back.

It's like shark finnings. Yes. And then put the wings back on. Yeah. What's it costing you to transport a plane that's not flying?

At the moment, the costs looking at the transport alone, which is not the cutting off and the putting back, is a lot. Okay. So what's...

Thank you for answering my question with such candor. But sorry. But sorry. I'm, if you think of it in terms of a house,

the whole price for everything, it's less than a house. Yeah, right. Okay. And I think I would get an Airbnb. Your house or my house? It's more than your house.

No, no, no. And so, that's exactly it. The red one? Yeah, the red one. Okay. So it's actually a small, it's a small kind of like G4 or G6.

Why do you hate this? So it's one of his smaller planes. It's his worst plane. Imagine rocking up with your rucksack just standing there and going, oh no. Oh, it's this one? It's his little finger plane

Yeah He got addicted to the painkillers Because he hated the plane so much Yeah The price is obviously A lot of money But it's less than a house And I reckon

The return rental Is about ten times that Great You could charge Yeah if you put it up Set it up Even You could just put that anywhere

Yeah And you're going to find enough Elvis And you know what I reckon parks will actually Subsidise a fair bit Because it's an attraction. Can I say this? I think of you in this way, Tommy Little.

I feel like, you know Robert Johnson? Do you know Robert Johnson, like the blues player? Yeah. The reputation of him is he was incredibly gifted because at the crossroads, he sold his soul to the devil for the talent that he got. I feel like you sold your soul to the devil at like age six, but you got to choose everything you wanted

for the rest of your life. You're like, I want to be on TV. I want to be on radio. I want a Buck Hunter in my house. I want an NBA jam. I want Elvis's plane. And I never want a girlfriend. Yeah.

Huge six-year-old Elvis fan. I can't believe. I can't believe. I honestly thought that was starting. And I thought, this is going to be believe. I honestly thought that was starting, and I thought, this is going to be a compliment. And then as a panda, I'm like,

that is the simplest unit. That's it. I don't disagree. No, but it is. It's like your life is like a kid's dream. Like everything you want. Like you learn how to swim, and then you're like,

now I want to swim a fucking ocean. Now I want to run across the Antarctic. All of your ideas are like... This is Tommy growing up. Because we talked a couple of years ago on the show about you getting your pilot's license and everything. This isn't him just getting a plane. This is him getting a plane and negatively gearing it.

So this is an investment property. So this is our boy growing up. No, you're dead right. You're dead right. Thanks, Daddy. Negative gearing plus he's got a sauna. That's not a six-year-old

fucking dream. That's a boomer's dream. Your turn. You're getting older. You're growing up. Could you imagine him selling his soul to the devil at what, age six

and then losing to you? You'd be like, you fucked me, devil! Maybe he sold his soul to me and I got to be first place. I'm the devil. All this is a revenge story. It's everything I do, I go, what's going to give Carl the shit? What's something he doesn't have apart from everything? You know what it was, he sold his soul to you, but you didn't give him the giant check Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's something he doesn't have apart from everything? You know what it was?

He sold his soul to you but you didn't give him the giant check. Yeah, he got everything else. That is my soul. A giant check. And you just let it go. It's like Bart's soul

in that episode in The Simpsons where it's like he's written it on... Oh, it says Tommy's soul on the back of that giant check. I've got a novelty soul. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, just before... When you were saying I was here singing Feliz Navidad, I was just thinking about this.

When everyone started singing along with me and you thought this was my own song. No, that was the moment. But it's weirdly come up heaps in my life since. It's that thing, it's called the Bartomeinhof phenomenon, which is you never hear of something and then once you do the first time,

you see it everywhere. So it seems like a movie to you. He's made up this song at your house and then all of a sudden it's on the radio the next day.

You're like, wow, all the clients crack the code. In that same vein, so Donna Hay came out and was helping with the cooking,

right? And there was a moment for her because Ollie started singing Making Muffins. A great tune. An actual original. An actual original, but also that Johnny, my housemate, knows.

I obviously know. And so Donna Hay is like, oh, this is a funny song. And then she looks around and we're all dancing going, making muffins. And she was like, what the fuck is this cult meeting that i'm here

yeah so you've convinced her that it's like a much bigger song than it is yeah it's it she got never does yeah yeah i'm i'm just fixated on these radio listeners that are being blindfolded yeah pushed into a van phones taken away like i love the idea of one of them then just like they're traveling through like South America, get kidnapped by a cartel, just being like, wow, I don't remember entering any radio contests over here. They just get hungry. Yeah.

Ooh, this'll be yum. All just to not find out that Tommy Little lives at 253 Smith Street, Essendon. That's so weird. Oh, no. Did you say Essendon? Yeah. Yeah, great. You like that? Wonderful.

Well, it's right near the airfield. It's very handy for him to fly. It's where we are right now. That's the funny bit. And park his Elvis plane. Yeah, great. Did you catch any of those listeners kind of like, you know, peeking outside, trying to get some, you know, trying to get some visual landmarks for roughly where they are?

Trying to get the coordinates from the stars in the sky? Hang on. It feels like spring here, so we're still in the southern hemisphere. One of the poor dudes. So we handcuffed them, and one of the- You the sky. Hang on, it feels like spring here so we're still in the southern hemisphere. One of the poor dudes, so we handcuffed them and one of the... You did not. Yeah, well,

yes, because we thought it was funny. Right. But then Carrie lost the handcuffs for one of the dudes so he sat there pretty much the whole night

in handcuffs. Oh, lost the keys. Lost the keys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fucking hell. It was great. It was good fun. How did he eat?

Hey? You're just feeding him. You can eat in handcuffs. Oh, yeah, okay. All right. They weren't behind his back. How wide are your hands when you're eating, Dan? Yeah, I'm getting a big plate going.

I like to really load up at the buffet. A huge burger. Yeah, I need a full wingspan for my meals. Speaking of food, I saw a very simple delight this morning, which was I saw someone try to go the wrong way through the McDonald's drive-thru. Oh, sick. That's great.

It was so good. Because this is one of my lingering things. Not many things give me anxiety, but one is often if I'm leaving a car park, particularly after an event in the city or something, so there's lots of cars trying to get out, I start to panic. What if something happens with the machine

and I'm the dude who everyone's getting angry at and I can't get out of the way? This happened to me the other day. Did it? No cars behind me, thankfully. So it didn't happen. Maybe 20% of it happened.

Were you in a car? I wasn't in a car park. I was on my pushy. The key component that causes you anxiety didn't happen. So what happened? Did you watch it play out? Yeah, absolutely. I stopped.

I was actually in a rush and I stopped and watched the whole thing and had deep regret that I didn't tape it because the guy was in a van as well, so it added to the awkwardness. He couldn't just like reverse out of there quickly he went in and I actually

tried to do the right thing I was like no I tried to give him I was like what's the universal mime for no I tried to do like the deal or no deal

like an ex and then make a burger he's like yeah mate I'll get you one as soon as I fucking go the right way through here

the guy's like this is a fucking weird KFC As soon as I fucking Go the right way Through here The guy's like There's a fucking weird KFC thing here But anyway I don't want fried chicken Anyway I forget that Everything would be

On the wrong side Yeah So even when you get To the window Which is meant to be The last window You've got to look Through your car

Across your passenger seat Yes And not only that There is already a car Right there Imagine if that was How you cracked the code, though. Imagine if you went through and it was like, and they just went, well done, sir,

and just handed you a full bag of Maccas. You go through backwards, we give you money. Yeah, don't tell your friends. I would love to. Imagine being a cop or someone in the ambulance, like getting the call, yeah, we've had an accident in the McDonald's drive-thru, head-to-head accident.

What the fuck? Some guy treating this like the fucking Dodgem cars. Yeah, yeah, we've had an accident in the McDonald's drive-thru, head-to-head accident. What the fuck? Yes. Some guy treating this like the fucking Dodgem cars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, so there was a car in front of him, though, that was going the right way? So the guy went in, had a bit of a hesitation when I was trying to give him the semaphore. Then went, no, who the fuck is this? I reckon you added to the confusion.

I quite played with it. This guy would have been confused to begin with. He would have been unsure. He would have felt it, right? I would also hazard a guess that if he was driving the wrong way in, I reckon his driving skills weren't immaculate, which means...

Did you say if, by the way? Like you're doubting his story? No, no, no. I just mean because it's got an extra condition, which is I would think his driving skills aren't that good. Which means if you're face head to head and now have to reverse out of something that has gutters on either side of it, and holes, it's probably not going to be the easiest escape for you. Absolutely not. And that's why I had to stop and watch the whole thing.

Because so there was a guy who'd got his food, who was trying to come out of the drive-thru window. Then there's this guy who's still trying to pig-headedly get in there somehow, and whilst going, my world is currently upside down, I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with it. Like, are they wrong, or am I wrong? Do you reckon he was maybe just trying to muscle in the guy's order that's already on? Just like, driven up, yes, thank you, that is my food. Give it, give it, give it, give it.

You know what he would do? Chuck it in reverse. But he would have driven in and then quickly hopped in and turned around. Yeah, because he's going halfway in and then he went, I better not back out. I'd look like a coward or some sort of idiot, so I'll commit to it. And then it's like, oh, you've gotten in deeper. This is really bad now.

This is also like 5 o'clock at night. This is peak hour. This is on a busy road. He's in a van, which is not turning well. bad now. This is also like five o'clock at night. This is peak hour. This is on a busy road. Yeah. He's in a van which is not, it's not turning well. Yeah.

It's not backing out fast. Nah. And we're on such a busy two lane street that he's then trying to back out onto the street. Cars are going fucking nuts and he's having to back

back into the drive-thru. Then the guy with the fucking family meal is like going, get the fuck out of my way. People are beeping at him from both sides and I'm standing there

just going hey man you know what he needed he needed a train car like you know how trains they don't turn around you just walk to the

other end yeah it'd be great to have cars that for tight spots where you didn't have space to turn around you just walk in

you just tuck the other controls jump in the boot yeah jump in the boot second driver's seat plug the wheel in Tight spots where you didn't have space to turn around. You just walk in, tuck the other controls. Jump in the boot. Yeah, jump in the boot. Second driver's seat. I love it. Put the wheel in.

This guy just being so stressed about this interaction and then he's in his head going like, because, you know, when you get in McDonald's, it's often like a line call of like, I don't really need this. You know, I don't really. You know what the funny thing was?

Just stuck there in the lane being like, oh, I knew I shouldn't have gone. Yes. I'm this really need this. You know, I don't really need this. You know what the funny thing was? Just stuck there in the lane being like, oh, I knew I shouldn't have gone for this fucking Big Mac. Because he was there to shame eat anyway, and then he did this and has to double down on the shame. Oh, totally. Because often it's like, oh, you know what? I've had a shit day. Fuck it.

I'll get some Maccas. And then you're like, oh, my God. And then you finally get to the window and they're like, yeah, that's just going to be a few minutes. Can you just go into the waiting bay? It's like, no. Give me the fucking food now. You know what I had to go through

to even get here? I had a car park incident over the weekend. I went to Sydney for the night. So I left my car at the airport, booked the parking for overnight, get there, never seen this happen before. As I'm like turning up to the car park just before you get to the gate,

there's two people in high-vis kind of on the side of the road there stopping traffic. I pull up to the furthest away guy and he's like, do you have a booking for in there? And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, we've oversold it. It's full. So I'm going to have to send you to another car park that one of the ones that's

like closer to the terminal here's a ticket oh and i go oh okay and he gives me these like really vague directions for where to go and i'm like wait so is this just the one that's like next to this bit of the airport like just to make sure that we're on the same page and he goes i gotta be honest i don't i don't really know um i'll just have to ask my colleague. Hang on. And he calls out to the other person there with him, who is a lady who's a bit of a larger lady, and he yells out. Jesus Christ.

I'm amazed. This is the low point of the episode. And coming from a bit of a larger lady. He yells out. She doesn't hear him. Then he yells out again and goes, hey, I'm talking to you, you fat fuck. What? Oh, my God.

What? And so I just go. I take back what I thought about Tommy. Yeah. I just go, and he goes, nah, nah, you know, just kidding, just kidding just kidding you know just kidding oh that'll undo it oh she's not fat after all that's cool

it's like it's 2022 you know 2022 you can't say stuff like this you know you can't say stuff like this it's like you know

I wouldn't you know I wouldn't want you to cancel me don't cancel me oh not the not the parking career yeah I literally I literally said that to him

I'm like don't worry man I'm not going to cancel you because I mean it would be such a shame if you lost all of this if you had to stop telling people where to stop that would be

oh my god if you had to stop telling people I don't know where you have to go next if I had to park your career yeah actually before I came here I got a drink but there was a larger lady where you have to go next. If I had to park your career. Yeah.

Actually, before I came here, I got a drink, but there was a larger lady in there. Oh, come on, man. Holy Jesus. And she was spruiking the benefits of chocolate to somebody who was also buying chocolate. And I don't know about that. You know, like...

What are the benefits of chocolate? Oh, it's good for you. It lowers your stress levels. Oh, really? Yeah. It lowers your stress levels, but probably not your heart rate. Yeah.

I didn't know if people still needed chocolate explained. I just need to be the voice of reason and the fun police for one second. This cannot be the start of a segment that you guys have called Larger Lady. Larger Lady Corner. Can I sing it as well? It has to be the last. It shouldn't have been the first time. It has to be the last time.

Can we get a jingle in in post? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do it again. Break out the guitar. Fat bottom girls, you make the rockin' world go round. So I'm in the supermarket the other day. Oh, Jesus. I had a mate who was swimming at the Brunswick Baths, and he got out of the pool, started drying himself,

put the glasses on, and this older dude kind of got out and just went like not in the pool yeah but on the edge of the pool and my mate goes outside of the water

yeah outside of the water on the cobbled whatever it is you know that grainy stuff concrete whatever but he goes oh mate

that's disgusting and this guy turns to him and goes shut up you four eyed fuck nice that's disgusting and this guy turns to him and goes shut up you four eyed fuck nice it's so hard because in a pool you've got goggles

no no no he stepped my mate was trying himself no no but what I mean is you've all got four eyes you've all got four eyes yeah like

that's good it's at least six eyes yeah that's good to call someone four eyes if they've got goggles on. That's funny. Abusing someone swimming by calling them four eyes.

That's great. And he actually said this dude who called him a four-eyed fuck is actually now a lifeguard there. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. Isn't that fucked? Yeah.

Really? Yeah. Well, he's certainly not a life coach. Isn't that fucked? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, he's certainly not a life coach.

Swim harder, you four-eyed fuck. Oh, and also, we've got a co-read, another four-eyed fuck's morning again. So someone at management's just seen that interaction and be like, this guy's got what it takes. And that's great. Can you describe the person? Well, you know, just a usual four-eyed fuck. Imagine that.

There's two others some larger lady and some slap ad in there and they're absolutely struggling to fucking swim someone needs

saving I'll get this alright well that is just about all the time we have for this week on the little dum-dum club

Oliver Clark Tommy Little thank you so much for joining us thanks for having us in the mansion. So nice to be... In Essendon. The mansion.

So nice to be a special guest. Yeah. I think special is... I'm looking forward to the blindfold and the van again on the way out. Yeah. What about the fingers? Were they...

Yeah, yeah. The blue finger, the blue thumb. What have you got? Feliz Navidad. Everybody. You've got to, man, you've got to record that. That what have you got? Feliz Navidad. Everybody. You've got to, man, you've got to record that. I should put it down. Let's catch it on, man.

Guys, things you'd like to plug. Ollie, check out, yeah, of course, Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad, of course. I'll be appearing at the, I think this is probably a fourth year in a row, not in a row, because I've kind of killed two of it, but fourth year consecutively that they've had it, the Moorland Christmas carols by Candlelight up at the park on the river.

The Rhonda Birchmore of comedy. You've seen my legs, you know the deal. Will we hear Felice? No. No? Yeah, I really should be doing that one. Yes. Of course.

But no, someone else may be doing it or not. I don't know. Or do they assign you something? Well, they kind of give me... I think I've sung the same three songs every time. But... Mac and Muffins. Mac and Muffins.

Great Christmas tune. Yeah. Put in a request. I could do. Can you do a bit of like just a couple of bars of it? Get in there? You know, like a rapper? You know what was really funny? We did Little Drummer

Boy there for a bit and I hate that tune so hard. I hate it. But then... You've told me that many times. Have I? Really? It generally gives me the irks but then the arrangement they had, the only reason I was keen to do it because halfway through it turned into

The Little Drummer Dude. Where they just start jazzing shit up and it's so cheesy do it because halfway through it turned into The Little Drummer Dude, where they just start jazzing shit up. And it's so cheesy, but it was very funny. I could start swinging it then, that's fine. So go check that out if you're in Melbourne. Yeah, that'll be on the 17th of December. And we're recording a new album at the moment, so we'll get that out soon.

What's that, album number 21 or something? Album number five. No. Yeah, it's only number five, but I'll put it at singles, Tommy. So that's probably why it's single. get that out what's that album number 21 or something album number 5 no yeah it's only number 5 but I put out singles Tommy so that's probably

why it's named is this under your name yes so this will probably be album number 6 entirely

plug over yes when's your album coming out you can look forward to my album you've got your special coming out pretty soon, surely pretty soon.

Start of next year on Prime. Have you ever thought about just doing a vinyl comedy special? Just on vinyl? I haven't. No. I didn't think so. No. Anyway, moving on.

You haven't thought of being less successful? Yeah, I mean mean it's tempting we would love to get on vinyl that's more up for us yeah well that's another first place you can

have a drink what about the format of like Carrie and Tommy doing like the you know the best bits of the radio show

on CD does that happen anymore these are all good ideas and this is why I come here you know what Vinyl is like

the novelty check of the audio world isn't it yeah yeah yeah but I have

a new tour entitled Rapidly Aging Fuckboy which is going everywhere next year and will be

on sale if it's not now when this comes out it will be on sale. If it's not now when this comes out, it will be on sale. Probably. So all the comedy festivals. Get on airbnb.com and keep putting in Elvis in the search bar and maybe that will let you know that it's up and running.

That would be great. Get the Elvis playing going for the Airbnb. Get it in parks. Then bring the show to it and make a full night of it. Show, dinner, accommodation Tommy Little Experience I will say this with the utmost sincerity

I love you boys and I've always been very supportive of your podcast I think it's fantastic but my commitment to your show does not exist outside the walls of my own house

we're just trying to get you to do your own idea why are we the bad guys now? I refuse. That's how much you hate us. Here's my idea. We like it. Fuck you.

I'm not doing it. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Oh, boy. We're back.

Yep. We've had a bad run of about 12 years, but I think we're back finally. When was our last good one before this one? I remember we did a demo before it won. That was pretty good. Some of those demos were pretty good. No, they weren't. I think there'd be interest.

Look, there'd definitely be interest. Well, they were good enough for us to go, all right, we could do this for real. Yeah. Quote, unquote, for real. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think they were that good. How many did we do?

Three? I think we did three. We've talked about this before. I think we did two. And then the third one we abandoned halfway because you were too stoned, I think. Yeah, something like that. I'd been at a friend's house and it was like, oh, yeah.

I was just like, you know what? What are we doing? Yeah. It was funny to have demos. We did three demos and then completely did a different model of podcast. But when we did one, we didn't have any guests in the three demos. That's true. I mean, I guess in a weird way we were just demoing Talking Dum Dum. Yes. Yeah. We didn't do any guests in the three demos. That's true. I mean, I guess in a weird way, we were just demoing Talking Dum Dum.

Yes. Yeah. We didn't do any reading out of names. Yeah, I wonder. I was going to say I'd love to hear them. I wouldn't. I would absolutely hate to hear them. I'd be interested in hearing them.

I'd be interested in someone else hearing them. Oh, no, that's way worse. Is this suck or super suck? No, no. I mean, I would not enjoy listening to them, but I would be interested in listening to them. Someone else getting their hands on them and listening to them. That's my worst nightmare.

No, I don't mind that. Someone else having access. I would rather someone else hear them and go, this sucks or this isn't that bad, than me have to listen to them. I just don't want to listen to them. Yeah, okay. I'm completely...

I mean, there's just even episodes of this from far enough back that I'm like, I hate that people can listen to this. Yes. I hate that people have access to me at 24 talking about whatever. Yeah, until we've figured out our voice. Yeah, we should... I wonder when we... Whatever the reverse of Jump the Shark is.

When did we get good? I wonder what episode. When did we reverse of Jump the Shark is, when did we get good? I wonder what episode. When did we suck off the shark? Yeah, when did we get bummed by a shark? When, yeah, it'd be good if we just deleted one, episode one through till 112 or whatever it was. Yeah, I mean, it's funny, like people, you know, the real like historians out there hate the fact that there's like an era of media that now is very hard to track down because there wasn't streaming or home release or whatever.

But there is something to be said about back in the day. You did your damn thing. You got out there on the TV or the radio or whatever it was and then it's just gone. It's just gone now. Unless an industrious little child hit the play and record button at the same time and bootlegged a copy of the show for his friends at school, it was just gone forever. There's something about that that's kind of nice. Like Breakfast Radio, duos or trios or whatever,

it pumped out a lot of comedy in the 80s or the 70s or whatever it was, and now it's just gone forever. But then thinking about what we talked about on the first 100 episodes, it does sound like a good idea as well to not have any legacy. Well, because, I mean, I guess now it's like every show is podcasted on the radio. But there was an era, I think we kind of brought it up briefly on this episode, there was an era where a breakfast radio team, a drive team, every, what, couple of years you'd

bring out a cd yeah the best bits from the show yeah so there is like the legacy of the martin malloy radio show lives on yeah through that i mean imagine if that you know we're still doing this every week yeah but then the only things that people can get their hand on is an every like four year best of yeah that's all right i'd stand behind that yeah yeah it's fine i'd be happy with that oh if i was getting the money that those people were getting yeah true absolutely getting an aria yeah you're just like best bits of your job man yeah fuck they've got comedy albums uh nominated for arias it should be as much as i'm not into podcast awards, I'd cop an aria. I'd be up for an aria. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd be fun. What? Because the arias have just been and gone. Oh, yeah. Who won the comedy aria? Oh, that's a great question. I didn't see anyone post anything about it in any capacity. I don't know anything about it.

Comedy aria 2022. Okay. What do we got? God, this is great radio. Well, this is not radio. This is not getting us an Aria. Yeah. Man, why the fuck is it so hard to just find the...

Aria's website past winners. They haven't updated 2022 yet. They... Okay, so according to the Wikipedia entry for ARIA award for best comedy release, it's currently held by

Anne Edmonds for What's Wrong With You in 2020. They haven't done it for the last two years? Hang on. I'm looking up 2021 right now.

Or someone's just not bothered to... I'm on the official website. And best jazz album is getting a go. Best cover art is getting a go above comedy. We're getting very close to the end. Oh, I don't think there's any comedy. There's a Telstra Aria Music Teacher Award and there's no comedy released. That's awesome. A teacher got a fucking Aria and there was no comedy. There's a Telstra Aria Music Teacher Award and there's no comedy release. That's awesome.

A teacher got a fucking Aria and there was no comedy. Well, it makes sense because, yeah, now that we're saying it, like, you know, we would know the person who was, you know, some of the people who were at least nominated. Yeah. And I don't remember in the last two years seeing anyone post about their nomination or win. Yeah. For quite a while.

They just got rid of it. And it's, you know, not to throw any shade at the nominees and winners, but it's just, it's typically, it's like, yeah, most of the people that just, if you put out a special, you're nominated for an ARIA. Even though it's weirdly not already, like, it's, you know, Edo's one is on like Amazon Prime. Like I think there was a time when it was like,

it's someone who'd put out a CD. I don't know yeah it was all you know it was all DVDs it was all whatever yeah they've just got rid of comedy yeah you're right I can see the 2020 release and there's nothing after that

I'm going back through I'm just going back through 1996 winner Martin Malloy the Brown album nominees I'm going back through 1996. Winner, Martin Molloy, The Brown Album. Nominees, Ostentatious, I'm Jacques Chirac, Bucko and Champs with Aussie Christmas, Silver Pram with Frog Stamp, and The Vaughns with Who Farted.

Yes! I like that Who Farted gets beaten out by the Brown album. Yeah. And then following year, they've done it again. Martin Malloy with Poop Shoot. Back to back. Yeah. I love that.

Well, our dreams have been crushed already. Not only were we not eligible for this award, the award does not exist anymore. Yeah. Three-time winners in the space of four years. Martin Malloy. Good for them. That's not bad. And then back to back, Guido Hatzis.

2000, 2001. Damn. Isn't it funny that it's just like... All friends of the show. It's funny that it's just like all these novelty comedy singles. It takes so long for it to get into like, okay, the nominees are all just legitimate comedy specials. Not just someone doing a novelty song. yeah yeah yeah um well anyway fun app this week thanks

for listening it was uh grand um for people keeping track i i still got more stories to talk about thailand but we didn't get to them on this app and we don't get to them on next week's app either because we already recorded that. So if anyone's interested in what happened in Bangkok, you're going to be waiting a while. You really sizzled up in Talking Dum Dum last week before we went and recorded this episode people have just heard. People have been asking me and I'm like... And you were like, oh, I'm going to really...

And then you told a story about you guys remembering something from childhood. Yes. And after we left, I was like, that's not that explosive. Because you were really like, oh, he's going to be mad about this. And I was like, I mean, that's not really something that happened on the trip. It's just something you remembered while you were on the trip. Yes. And I was about that was going to parlay into other stuff.

But then it was too hectic. It's like, all right, we'll get to this. We got away from it. You know what? You know what? You know what? You're always going to need content. When you hear these Thailand stories, not that there's some world beaters, but when you hear these Thailand stories,

you'll know that the guests don't have much to talk about because there'll be a big space ready for these Thailand stories to land. And we've already recorded next week. Everyone kept the ball up in the air beautifully. You've got a big story next week yep well it's not hyper too much well no it's a good story

yeah it's fine so yeah there wasn't time for that so anyway look it's coming it's coming guys you don't have to ask me at Spleen anymore

you don't have to get in the DMs on Instagram it's you don't have to hire your skywriter yeah it's coming when it's coming now I just want have to hire your sky writer. Yeah. It's coming when it's coming. Now I just want to do everything I can to delay this as well. Sure. Just telling what are,

what do you guys think about just getting into like deep. Favorite colors. Good M. I'd love to do another one where we try and, I'd love to get on a similar riff that we had of, what's the opposite of Saturday night? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Denuinely I find i find stuff like that yeah more interesting than just about anything else and we talked about this but like the time we had a the time my game at a pub was guess what i bought

at chadston shopping center and that went for an hour um yeah if we can get one of them great guess the weather that one i was playing yeah yeah friends with friends. That was a real barn beater for a little while. The most boring, interesting game we can play. Anything that's boring that if people commit to it, that's what makes it. Because there's always, a lot of times you find someone in that conversation who's like, oh, this is shit.

What are we doing? And it's like, that's not the game. The game is everyone has to invest in it and pretend that is the most interesting, fascinating thing that's ever happened. Absolutely. That's what makes it. The game is everyone has to invest in it and pretend that it's the most interesting, fascinating thing that's ever happened. Absolutely. That's what makes it. Yes. You fuckhead.

Yes. Speaking of fuckheads. Speaking of boring games. There we go. Speaking of having to really just get invested and pretend that it's interesting. How the fuck? People have just been yelling at the podcast the last minute while we've been... How can we find a boring game?

Anyway, let's read five names out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was that guy who posted in our group this week going like, oh, yeah, listening to the fucking this episode where they announced the 500th ep and they're, and obviously they're being like, they're annoyed. They're annoyed that back then that we didn't know the pandemic was going to happen and that the ep was going to be significantly delayed.

That's kind of how I read it. I mean, maybe this person can let us know, but I think they were getting frustrated about we're going like, yeah guys. And you know, cause he makes a point of saying at 487 or like whatever. So he,

you know, he's thinking like, you know, we're getting close to it happening and we're being like, Hey, you know, not knowing that it's going to be delayed for two years. Oh, it's just some dud having a sore kick.

That's how I read it. But it's like that makes it funnier than just like finding it boring because it's like, so you think it's a failing of us to not have known that the pandemic was going to happen in three months' time? I didn't even understand what the fucking dumb cunt was on about. But what I did, what I failed to do, what I should have done was this guy, he's in the People Aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club group

on Facebook and he put some fucking sook about some episode or something and then, but then immediately tried to post another thing that was like the worst post

which I didn't accept into the group which I should have just accepted because it was like he was complaining about something and then followed up with some of the worst content I've ever fucking seen.

Great, okay, yeah. Man, what the fuck is this cunt on about? Yeah, it's excellent. All right. Yeah. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Get on there. Get yourself your two bonus mini episodes every week and also go into the draw to get your

name read out. Yes. On the program. Yep. That's us. Let's open up the Unplanned Title Alternator. Let's keep this. Let's ratify this.

Another famous no meal for me In the lead up to this You know what I'm watching the clock And this happened to me again last week There's a pub around the corner from your house And I raced up there And I was like fuck yeah I've got there in plenty of time

For the kitchen to close at 2.30 And I walked in at 2.05 No no no Close at 2 It's 2 Damn Fuck So

That's a rough I mean for a pub That's a rough kitchen closing up time. I reckon. Three, I understand, but two is like, do you think plenty of people are coming in for a late lunch? I'm not wrapped with it. Hitting at 2pm.

I'm not wrapped with it. I reckon I'm going to aim to do five names in 20 minutes. I reckon if I get out of here in 20 minutes. Yeah, it's doable. I've got 15 minutes. It's doable. I've got five minutes to walk up there, five to seven minutes to walk up there.

I've got a squeaky little five minutes where you can't officially say to me, oh, the kitchen's closed. No, no, no, man. I've got 10 minutes. You can't be closed

in 10 minutes early. You don't blow the whistle at 80 minutes, okay? You don't ring the reverse dinner bell. Yeah, yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber.

Thank you very much to first cap off the rank this week Dean Bennett Dean Bennett Okay he's a long bow Yeah There's an art supply store near me

Called Dean's Art There is too Maybe this is this guy This is And he's art This is our art Yep He's a patron of

This is This is Tommy and Carl's art Yep And effectively now that he He owns this because he's been paying us money. So this is Dean's art. Yeah, you could hang this on his wall. There's a British expression where people go, Gordon Bennett. Is there really?

Yeah. Just as like a, what the fuck? Oh, okay. I didn't know that at all. Yeah. I don't know why, but people say Gordon Bennett. Well, I've been hitting Dean's Art pretty regularly. I got an exhibition starting in Melbourne

this Friday night, 6pm December 2nd, if you're in town. B-Side Gallery, 121 Brunswick Street. Come and check it out. It's called Saturation Fascination. It's going to be on until the 12th of December. So if you can't make the opening, come down and have a look. It'll just be open for the week after

that. Pretty stressed. A lot of work. Was saying to my dad. Dad was asking how it was going. And I was like, I don't know. It's just, I don't know, just a lot to get done. And just, I don't know, starting to get that thing where it's getting close.

And I'm like, is this all shit? And my dad's like a very supportive guy. He was like, you know, I think your last one was great. I think one day, I think your paintings are going to be in the NGV. And I was like, that's very nice of you to say, but I mean, I don't think... I mean, Lawrence Mooney's dick's in there. Why not? He's actually in the museum.

But I was like, I mean, it doesn't really... The NGV doesn't really work like that. Like, I can't just go and like hit them up and be like, hey, put my pants on. It's not open mic. Yeah. And my dad goes, oh, no, no. Obviously, you'll be long dead when this happens.

I'm like, Oh, so you mean as like a, we used to be alive. You mean it's like a surviving relic of like, right. The world gets nuked. And like,

for some reason there's chemicals in the paints that I was using. This is one of the only things that can remind us of life in 2020. You're going to be one of these people that wasn't, his genius wasn't recognized while he was alive. Yeah, totally. Totally. You're the starving artist. You're going to be one of these people that his genius wasn't recognized while he was alive. Yeah, totally. Totally. You're the starving artist.

You're the Van Gogh. Yeah. I die never knowing the legacy that my shitty little paintings will have. Yeah, that's you. So, yeah, come down. You cut your, you're like Van Gogh, you cut your dick off instead. Come down, yeah, come down this Friday, December December 2nd, 6pm Especially if you work at the NGV

Yes If there's any NGV talent scouts out there that listen to this show Well, you know, the price If Dad's right, the price of these works is going to skyrocket once I'm gone You'd be stupid not to So this is your chance to get in on the ground floor You're making money Yeah, exactly

Just sit on this little investment And I'm sure people at NGV would be really worried about saving a nickel and dime or whatever. Well, I think they probably would from what I understand. Oh, okay. But yes,

yeah, wise words from my dad. Yeah. Well, Gordon Bennett, the phrase. Gordon Bennett is an English language idiomatic phrase, which I don't know what that means, idiomatic phrase, used to don't know what that means, idiomatic phrase,

used to express surprise, contempt, outrage, disgust or frustration. The expression is thought to derive from the controversial reputation of James Gordon Bennett Jr., son of Scottish-born James Gordon Bennett Sr. Wow. Founder and publisher of the New York Herald. Bennett was an accomplished polo player, tennis player and yachtsman Why the fuck did anyone yell his name out for then? It doesn't say why

The British are absolutely on one at the moment Did you see that video that went around during the week Of those two guys over in Qatar for the World Cup? Which one? The guy, it's like a guy being interviewed Dressed up as the, no The Crusaders Yes

No, that's different. Yeah, that is also very funny. But like just this guy and he's in like these sunnies and a bucket hat. He's at night and the interview is like, oh, how are you finding? He's like, yeah, you know, we're here. We're having a beer. Everyone's enjoying the game. It's just been great.

And then it's like his mate leans in and goes, yeah, last night we met one of the Sheik's sons and he took us back to his palace and there was like monkeys and tigers. And then it's like like and then it just cuts to the video that i saw is like you because you hear that and you're like well that's bullshit and then it's like they found the guys like instagram right where he's gone live and he just is in this guy's backyard just getting this line in a headlock oh it's real yeah yeah it's totally real oh wow he's straight he's like he's like yeah just on the hunt for some beers and just absolutely having a naughty one here at this palace it's real? Yeah, yeah, it's totally real. Oh, wow. He's straight up, he's like, he's like, yeah, just on the hunt for some beers and just absolutely having a naughty one here at this palace.

It's like, it's fucking awesome. It's because you watch it and you're like, oh, I'm about to watch a guy get mauled to death on camera. Like he's fucking around with this tiger in an insane way. All I saw was a little bit of that and people going, this is absolutely full of shit. And then it wasn't. No, it's straight up.

But it's what I like about it is like the first guy being interviewed, trying to absolutely full of shit. And then it wasn't. No, it's straight up. Oh, that's crazy. But what I like about it is the first guy being interviewed, trying to keep it low profile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, we're having a good time. The sock is on. What more could you want? And then his mate's like, we went back to a palace. Yeah.

We met a tiger. Fuck. Yeah, we met a tiger in the desert. Yeah. Why didn't that come up? I encourage everyone. Cunts, you just watched Switzerland draw nil all the way. Why didn't the fucking tiger come up earlier?

I'd encourage everyone to go check out the full video. It's really worth a watch. Well, if I saw a tiger like that, I'd be like, Dean Bennett. Yeah. That's my, it makes more sense to me because I don't know. I still don't know why anyone would say Gordon Bennett. Well, thanks, Dean Bennett. I know why to say Dean Bennett.

Yeah. I would say that in celebration because this guy gives us money. Exactly. I see a tiger and go, fucking hell, Dean Bennett. You look at your bank statement for the month. Dean Bennett. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber,

Callum Young. Okay. I think we've got, in my opinion, we've got an abundance of Callums that listen and subscribe to this show. I think a higher ratio of Callums that maybe exists in the normal world. Now, I feel like we have had this discussion before. Well, that only proves my point more. Yeah, exactly.

Because I guess friend of the show, Callum Preston, artist. Artiste. Artiste, who listens to the show. Has helped us with live shows. Has made props for us. Has made a set for us. Amazing sets and props. Yeah, listens every week.

Lives near me, so I'm often running into him in the street. And he's talking to me about the latest episode. After this episode, you'll go, can you just knock me up a giant hot dog? I'm a bit hungry. And he races back to his shed, comes back with a huge snack for you. Yep. He, because I do recall we had this discussion

and him texting me something along the lines of like, happy to be in the club of, you know, multiple Callums that listen to the show. I have that as a memory. Yes. And that was, I mean, that was before we'd even read out this guy. Yeah. So it's just, you know.

There's heaps. They're growing every day. Look, this could actively be a spinoff of him because he's an artist and he's mocked up all this stuff for us. This could be a spinoff of him right now because this guy's name is Callum Young. But, you know, young Callum. Young Callum. Young Sheldon. Young Callum. So you've got this little three-year-old knocking up. know, young Callum. Young Callum. Young Sheldon. Young Callum.

So you've got this little three-year-old knocking up giant fucking installations of baby bottles or his mum's tit or something like that. No, that's what it'd be. It'd be a big wooden version of his mum's tit. That would be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be pretty good. Callum, get working on it. For anyone that wondered about the guy that sometimes makes us installations at our live shows,

if anyone ever wondered what he was like as a baby, this could be the answer. That's the next. He must just be dreading now the potential of getting a text message from me that's just like, hey, mate, got a live show coming up. Now, we're thinking it'd be really funny if we had a big version of your mum's teeth on stage. And we are going to have to verify that it looks the same, that it matches up.

No, just don't. Don't. I'll be Google imaging lots of tits just to make sure you're not picking just a random one. Rough stuff. Well, there's a... I actually haven't been to it yet

but I've heard nothing but good things. There's a beautiful exhibition on at the moment. An artist called Roan who's done like an installation inside the Flinders

Street station that Callum helped out a lot with. He's been working on that for a couple of years. There's quite an infamous like this

Roan guy. They're like they're pretty full-on crazy installations. A lot of people go crazy for them. He goes into like

an old abandoned mansion and he paints murals on it and he kind of does it all up in this. They look amazing just on Insta and all that sort of stuff, let alone what they must look like on real life. Yeah, his last one was great. I haven't had the chance to go down to this new one yet, but anyone in Melbourne, I would encourage you to go check it out. Always fantastic stuff.

But there just is something so funny about it because Callum's sharing a lot of stuff of it and it's like beautiful um you know work that he's done in this in this exhibition and then just being like man the very next thing you did after that was making a big dicky knee that then i held and did an italian accent for and also you've you've in the middle of working on that you took a day out to build a big office works card in a pile of shit out of wood for us to have on stage at one of our shows. It's like, you know, you get artists that, you know, go both sides of the end of the scales and whatever. You got like, I remember, who was it? I think it was all basically, someone will pull me up on this, but I think Tool, the band Tool, who some people really go crazy for and whatever,

then sort of formed, most of them formed the band Green Jelly and did that song, like, Little Wolf, Little Wolf, Let Me Come In, whatever the fuck that is. Okay, I don't know it. Just the worst fucking novelty. Is it a kid's song? Yeah, but like one of those super annoying, like a Little Red Riding Hood fucking,

but like set to shitty music. Okay, right, right. So they do these dense fucking 13-minute epic songs for two little people to blow their fucking minds over. Yeah. And then just chemically the worst song of all time. Yeah. They're like, yeah, let's do this as well.

That's what he's done. That's what Callum's done. Yeah, okay. Working on Rone and then working on us us i'm sure he'd appreciate that comparison we're green jelly well we should um you know not that we have to do it as an episode or anything but like i'd love i'd love for us to get together with ron you and me and ron and and callum just brokering this meeting you know a real meeting of the minds. Because in some way... Roan's a person. Roan's a person, yeah. That's his name. You know, in some way, you know, we'd connect on some level.

We both like Callum. We both think Callum's a talented guy. Yeah. So, you know, we start there and we work our way out. And then what's the end game here? Do we... Us becoming friends with Roan. Do we do anything?

Do we... I think maybe he paints us as the mural in his next installation. Yeah, do we make appearances somewhere? Yeah, he sneaks us in. In some fucking cave in the Mornington Peninsula where the burger logo just pops up in one of those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right.

That sounds fine. Which, hey, by the way, we should say, you know, I guess we could talk about this. Three Little Pigs is a single by Green Dirt. Oh, okay, sure. Well, thanks, Callum. Oh. Well, thanks, Callum. Oh, yeah, thanks, Callum. Thanks, a different Callum.

Yeah. They had, yeah, Green Jelly had two members of Tool, which was the main guy and the drummer, I believe. Oh, cool. So it wasn't the entire band. But anyway, they sucked. Thank you. Thanks, Callum.

Thank you very much to patreon subscriber subscriber alan madrigal okay so this guy is this is this the comedian no now that's i'm i'm glad you said that because there is a a u.s stand-up comedian called he doesn't go by alan he goes by al yes al madrigal yeah you're right because I know that because he supported he was the touring support

for a long time of Mitch Hedberg who was my favourite US comedian but this guy so I knew that because I listened to a lot of bootlegs

of Hedberg and he'd be like you know talking about his support and whatever like where the fuck is this guy but so I've noticed

when this guy pops up on the socials he's a guy that lives in Las Vegas. He's a Las Vegas listener. Oh, okay. That's cool. Yep.

So, yeah, if we ever have an idea to get a residency there at the Sahara or whatever, we can count on maybe one listener coming along. Okay. Yeah. That's cool. Alan Madrigal could come along to the Sahara or maybe the Hard Rock to see us do a live podcast on a Friday night,

do a matinee and then do a late show. Yeah, that would be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With our guests, Wayne Newton. Well, I think we're doing Cirque du Soleil Dumb Dumb, surely. Oh, that'd be good. We're doing like Beatles style.

Someone's taken all the great clips and remixed them into one big thing. Yeah, that'd be good. And just a bunch of fucking... Yeah, what would they be? Like a bunch of fucking tubs of moose jumping on trampolines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Friend of the show, Asher Trelevan just got married over in Las Vegas. Attended by Des Bishop.

Oh, another friend of the show. Who's now married to a reality TV star, bizarrely enough. I haven't seen him for a while. Vegas. Yeah, I wonder if he's in old Vegas or new Vegas. You think this guy might live in new Vegas? Yeah, maybe he could be one of those.

He could be, you know, dressed as fucking Spider-Man or something. It would be cool to go and like, yeah, see, cause there's, I've actually don't think I've ever been to old Vegas.

I've only ever been there for like two nights at a time. And it's just like, it's, I've never been. It gets hard to fit the fit in, but it's like, that is a big glaring blind spot for me. Cause everyone always talks about like how cool it is and how vibey it is.

And I imagine once you get even out of that, just being in the suburbs, just kind of where people live. Just being around the residential areas. Just down the shops. It's a weird idea. And you're in the desert. Seems cool. It's a weird idea that you live in Las Vegas but you don't live in the main street. It's like there's suburban Las Vegas. Well, you see a little bit of it in a show

that I was obsessed with for a while called Gigolos, which is a reality show about six gigolos living and working in Las Vegas. And it's basically softcore porn. You see everything. It's insane. Isn't that softcore then? Well, I mean...

Hardcore is when it goes in. Yeah, you don't see it go in, but you see it very... You see it. It's wild. It's like someone hiring it's what it's wild it's like someone hiring a gigolo and then it's like oh hey also this gigolo is part of a reality show do you want to sign a release to be on camera getting fucking dicked down yeah it's like sure thing but it but it's like very you know it's one of those it's it's very like about the personalities

of the guys and their lives kind of outside of gigoloing and stuff and they all live in it so it's set in vegas yeah so you like. I understood it was more about their lives and you weren't just watching men fuck for 90 minutes at a time. Yeah. But it's, yeah, you get a bit of a,

you get a bit of a view of the Vegas lifestyle. Right. Through that. Yeah. You get to see some, just people that live in Vegas doing anything non-showbiz. Yeah. It's fascinating to me.

It is weird. It's like, yeah, I'm a computer technician. Yeah. It's like, here. I think there was,

I fixed the pokies. Yeah. I fixed the sex in the city pokies. Wasn't there a... Was there a Louis Theroux documentary where it was like all the... Like about maybe the homeless people in Las Vegas, which was like people living in the fucking storm drains and shit like that. And they'd just pop up and go and use the dunnies at the casino and stuff like that?

Oh, interesting. I don't know because I actually went on a huge Louis Theroux re-watch about six months ago with my girlfriend. It was on Stan? Scanning through, yeah,

all the ones that are on Stan and then there's like, I think there's a couple, I think they've got most of them but we were kind of like cherry picking. We kind of did, we did pretty much all the ones that we were even vaguely interested in.

The ones, it gets a bit dark later on where it's like, it's a bit harder. How many, how many of these ones about schizophrenia should I be watching? Like, you know, give me, give me some fucking silly one. Yeah, there was, there was a night where I was like, what about this one? And my girlfriend was like, not another pedophilia one. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I can't watch. Exactly.

I can't watch another sympathetic, like old man be like, you know, I just... I slipped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually don't think it's possible to slip into a six-year-old girl. It's just the way that you're describing this. It doesn't really make sense to me. I was like, man, talk to some cunt that thinks he's a Martian, will you? I don't want to see this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway. People should check out, there's one of the most recent ones he did that's in America that's him with like these alt-right people. And he gets into a really funny argument with a YouTuber, like a right-wing YouTuber. What's it on? It was on iView because it's pretty recent. So it might, if it's not still up there, I'm not sure.

Maybe standby now. I don't know. It's a recent-ish one. But it's great because he interviews this guy. The guy kicks him out of his house. And then Louis sitting in his car watching this guy go live on YouTube. And he's like, it's fucking Louis Theroux guy. I just kicked him out of my house.

Fuck him. And then as he's sitting there, I think I might have told you about this. Was it like a barbecue or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just kicked him out of my house. Fuck him. And then as he's sitting there, I think I might've told you about it. It was like a barbecue or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I've seen this.

And then as he's sitting there on the YouTube video going live, his phone rings and he's like, holds up to camera. He's like, well, look who it is. And it's like Louie calling him and he like picks it up and it cuts to Louie in his car.

And he's like, I'm in my car watching you on YouTube. It's like this, because that's like what most people fell in love with is louis when he would like yeah interview the nazis and really fucking go on and he sort of yeah he started to do these really sympathetic ones where he wasn't like he wasn't like sitting in front of people and just like wanting to call him a cunt but i think he's back okay i think he's i think he's back to just fucking go on the growl on people right angry louis is the best well thanks Alan Madrigal

thanks Alan Madrigal I'm running the clock I've got 18 minutes to go and get a palmer in me alright P. Mitch Hedberg thank you yeah

he's the great he's the great thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Broden Witten okay yep Broden Witten

Witten he's the the Witten is Witten. He's, uh, the, uh, the Witten is, oh, God. He's fucking. You're just dreaming of, it's just like you're looking at the name and they're just morphing into a Palmer. Yeah. Like you're in a cartoon on a desert island.

It's just too boring. It's like, I was about to say, like, why riff on something that even I'm getting bored saying it. But it's like, oh, EJ Witten, the great NFL football player. Who fucking cares? There's nothing like starting off a story and just being like, even I. You just see the look on people's faces and you just know it's like, why am I telling this? It's filling the silence. Yes.

I know you don't want to hear it. I don't want to say it. But what do I say otherwise? Can we just, let's all yeah show of hands who wants me to finish but that's bad it's bad because you know broden whitney's been waiting for this i know just as long as the other guys and we've had lovely little times with dean bennett callum young alan madrigal and then we get you know there's a bit of a roadblock here and i don't want to i don't want to give up i don't want to give up fine. Fine name. Witten. Yep. I don't know.

I can't knock any of it. It's, you know, if it was chucked at me, if I had to have it, I wouldn't have a great complaint about it. No, I'd be fine with it. I wouldn't be like, I love my name, but. Yeah. Do you ever have that thing where you have to really look at your own name in the face and go, yeah, God, I guess, yeah, I guess guess this is me i guess i'm stuck with it yeah

this random assortment of symbols yeah this is who identifies me i had that the other day when i just read my full name somewhere and i was just like yeah it's a bit weird isn't it well yeah there's also something about like you know have you ever done this thing where this is such like a stoner conversation but if you like really start to just like look at a sentence in english or just like a phrase in english you really can like because you look at japanese or whatever and it's just like i don't know what the fuck any of these are look at these crazy shapes and trying to almost do like a magic eye where you just look at a phrase in english and try and be like i'm gonna try and just disassociate myself from knowing what these

characters represent and just view them as the pure like primitive I'm going to try and just disassociate myself from knowing what these characters represent and just view them as the pure primitive shapes that they are and try and forget the meaning that's attached to them. Yes. It's fucking wild, man. Yeah, man. It's fucking wild. Hands are crazy, man.

Yeah, man. Five fingers. They look like a fucking starfish or something, cunt. Insane. Broden Witten, that's you. That is you. Yeah. Big Broden.itten, that's you. That is you. Yeah. Big Broden.

You're one of them. Yeah, Bro. Having Bro in your name. That's pretty cool. That's something. I don't think there are any Brodens that just go by Bro. Yeah. I mean, meeting someone who's like, call me Bro, I'd be like, no, thank you.

No, you wouldn't say it, but surely your mates are saying, hey, Bro. Bro. Yeah. Hey, Bro. Definitely. You've got to do that. Probably if you were a New Zealander with the name Broden, you'd have to imagine.

Quite common over there. No, you've got to be doing that. Hey, bro. Bro. Yeah. Unless you don't want to be, unless you're self-conscious and you don't want other people thinking you're the sort of person who goes,

Hey, bro, all the time. And you're like, oh, it's just an abbreviation. It's a very specific kind of character that's whipping out. Yeah. Bro, isn't it? Anyway, look, I'm happy to sign off on this name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't...

For what's lacking in comedic invention when we're dancing around this name, what we do have is me approving it. Well, you know, he's not getting a great riff, but we're also not talking about his mum's tits. Yeah. So it's hard to be too upset with that. I mean, yeah, the other stuff's been fun,

but it hasn't been entirely complimentary. No, not at all. We're sort of stumped by just a nice solid name. And I know, you know, not to sound like a broken record, but it's quarter to two. I've had literally zero sustenance today. Wow. You know, not even a smoothie or any kind of brekkie thing.

So, you know, I really am feeling. We're at the end of it. We say the same thing every week, but we've done a full ep. We've done a couple of bonuses. Now, we're in the home straight. I'm just really feeling my body go like. This is a marathon is this is a marathon for three hours and you put nothing into your body this is you have just got to give me something this you know what this is this is the point in the that you see the like in an old commonwealth games and you're seeing someone coming into the

stadium from the marathon and then you're like oh they're nearly there but they're like running so badly like i think they've had a stroke should we come over and help them oh no but if we touch them that means that they're disqualified from the race and you see them just shitting themselves yeah yeah yeah spewing on the ground he's just gone there's like there's people coming over going yeah we really medically we should be helping them out no you've got to let them finish the race that's what we are that's what we're doing right yeah i'm distracted i gotta get out of here do some's what we're doing right now. I'm distracted. I've got to get out of here, do some painting. We're delirious. Deliriously walking down the final straight going,

Broden Whitten? Is there something in that? The marathon of five names. Well, anyway, thanks, Broden. Thanks, Broden. Good work. We're shitting our pants. Congrats. Yep.

One more. Let's go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, man. Fuck me. Another one. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber... Oh, man. Fuck me. Another one. Thank you very much to Callum Comedy. Oh, okay.

I thought it was going to be Palmer Comedy. I'm sure we've done Callum Comedy before. No, no. I'm sure... Fuck, damn. Well, we can have another big conversation about Callum if you want. Oh, yeah. You sound like you've got time up your sleeve.

Let's do that. Goodbye.