The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 637 - Ben Lomas & Sam Taunton

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

This week we're joined by BEN LOMAS and SAM TAUNTON! Taunts is making his debut on the podcast mere hours after being announced as one of the new hosts of The Project so we help him cook up some potential new segment ideas. Tommy's had a rough time at a music festival that he attended with a show business legend, Karl's had another unbelievable name on the door at his comedy club, but honestly, who cares about any of that - because we also accidentally unearth an old piece of Ben Lomas trivia that turns out to be one of the greatest repressed memories of all time! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ben Lomas and Sam Taunton. If you want to come and see us live, you can do so Melbourne next year during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, Saturday afternoons, 4.30pm at a venue in the city where we've been every other year. Yes, the European Beer Cafe is being retitled so it's that venue but you'll have a different name by the time you get in there.

TBA FKA European Beer Cafe. Upstairs from the Basement Comedy Club. There you go. Let's say that. 120 Exhibition Street in Melbourne. So get your tickets.

You'll know where it is. You'll figure it out. LittleDumbDumbClub.com Get on there. Snap up a ticket and we will see you there. We'll talk to you more at the end of this episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Ben Lomas and Sam Taunton.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. With me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. Joining us today, two great guests. Please welcome into the Little Dum Dum Club, Ben Lomas and Sam Taunton.

Hello, hello. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Big week for Sam Taunton. Announced as host of the project and first appearance on Little Dum Dum Club. What a massive week. You guys said you'd match Channel 10's offer. That's the reason I came in.

From what I hear, I reckon we probably could. I did feel bad. I've talked about having you on the show before. It's never happened. You live in Sydney and then Sunday you announce I'm on the project. Monday morning, a little text message from me. Hey, mate, you want to come to the pod? I was like, God god the optics of this

are shocking it did not go unnoticed that's for sure I texted my manager I was like it's paying off already they've come crawling back yeah we could get a few

if you kill it on this a few extra eyes on the project certainly wouldn't hurt very sad Pete Hellyer was very sad when I had to ring him up

yesterday morning go you're off mate can't have you on the show anymore. We only need the big boys. Well, that's good. Pete messaged me. He rang me to tell me, and his only advice for the show,

you'd know this, Kyle, you work on the show, you know how it's called the Funnies Chair? I thought he was going to give me some advice about being on TV. He goes, just rename the chair. That's all you have to do. He's like, don't worry about doing anything else. Things have started strong.

He goes, just don't call it the funny chair. It's a really bad name. And then that was it. There was no other advice. So what's your idea to call it? What are you going to call the chair? Maybe the lol chair? The lol seat? The silly seat. The silly seat.

The titty. Come on, that's a bit... I mean, it's a great show. It's a good show It's a good show I've got an announcement to make You probably know this I work at the project as well And one of the producers came up and said

Hey, look, we love what you do And I was like, what? Just continuous crowd work? I was like, yep And yeah, it hasn't been released But I am replacing Willie Dully Oh, really? I've got something to talk about.

You know what that is? In comedy! Okay, I'm done. It's going to be a whole new show in 2020. I can't wait. No, that's a fair fit.

Replacing the guy that doesn't get any laughs on the show with another guy. Oh! Taunts. Sarah Harris, Ben Lomas, and Jeannie Little? I don't know. Taunts Sarah Harris Ben Limas and

Jenny Little I don't know a dead lady yeah we can Bernie's it up on the project finally some diversity

on the show someone with severe mental difficulties well you know you tune into channel 9 Peter Hitchener's Alive and Well you tune over to the project

and they've got a corpse hosting it. It really is news delivered differently. But, yeah, you've got to brainstorm some, you know, you've got to have some little segments. Well, yeah, what do you do? I would love any help because they've kind of said I can do whatever I want. So, yeah, I can bring in some fresh ideas. Tortoise chat with the warm-up guy.

What do you think about that? Oh, yeah. Straight to the crowd, and I'll just do 10 minutes on what people do for a living. That's news. That's technically news. It is news, yeah. Well, I don't want to put you out of a job,

but I'm pretty sure their plan is to make me do warm-up as well. I think they're a bit tight on money at the moment. They're already moving you off the chair. Can I sit on the vault chair? No, that's the lol chair, mate. Does Hellier take the actual physical chair with him? That would be a hell of a power move. You get in there, first day on the job in 2023,

you go to sit down, you just fall on your ass. Hey, bring Dassault's gaming chair in there. Oh, yeah. That's a real good look. Me in a gaming chair blasting the n-word this just in

I fucked your mum and then the young people will watch it yeah that's how you get them back for sure

yeah and then it's like that's your regular segment how well I did on Minecraft today awesome so what's another

segment what about street talk street talk I did No I do Take them into the streets With Sam Taunton I love street talk

You only have to change The surname that's all Oh yeah Exactly All political views It's all the same And you can't go out To Footscray anymore

Because that's been gentrified So you'll have to go Where do you go To like Frankston Dandenong Or something like that That is just I mean Sam Newman's awful, but fuck, that was some good TV.

It was back then. Before we knew that talking to homeless people wasn't funny. It really did used to be pretty easy back in the day, wasn't it? It's just like, I'll just go for a walk, call someone a fuckhead on the street, find some idiot asleep on a bench, roast them for five minutes, they've got no recourse. There you go.

Did he invent the Vox Pop? I feel like he kind of did. No. But I do, because I used to love it because you'd watch it and then right at the end it usually finished, him talking to a homeless person going, you're a fucking idiot. And then just the sting would be like,

taking it to the streets. It'd be like, who's here? Mary Falk, Collingwood or Footscray? And this guy had no teeth and he'd go, ah, Sammy. Yeah, it's amazing. I don't know if he invented the Vox Pop, but I was in a meeting once at Channel 10 with the guy who used to kind of be in charge of the project.

And he told me quite seriously that he invented the live cross. Oh, that's so good. He was like, he goes, no one did a live cross. And I had the idea to put someone out there and cross it. And I'm like, it's impossible that like everywhere in the world of TV, you're the first person to be like, let's cross to someone outside of the studio. There's a well-known comedian in Melbourne that you know that claims to have invented comedy about the difference between men and women.

Who? Well, I'm not going to say it. Can you tell me and edit it out? I'll tell you off air because I was, I don't know if I've had this conversation. He inspires me every year I've actually lifted a bit of his stuff as well now that I think about it

this is this is not an 80 year old comedian this is not a 70 year old comedian this is like a 50 year old comedian oh he's narrowed it down this guy thinks that the difference between women and men was only discovered

in like the late 80s early 90s like everyone thought they were the same like in 1985 I've heard this first hand from this person one on one and the way he was describing it was like it's steered into my memory he's like oh you know

and I remember like I remember getting up and just like having these routines for the first time and I remember the other comics just like looking at each up and just like having these routines for the first time. And I remember the other comics just like looking at each other and being like, what's he doing? We can't talk about that up there. We can't talk about it. It's taboo to talk about the difference between men and women. That's the way he frames it.

I remember being like 20 and being like fully sucked into the legend and then coming back from this tour and just like telling everyone I know, being like, I just toured with one of the greatest legends of comedy the guy who invented the differences between men and women and people being like you're a fucking idiot

you believe that it was 1988 and I got up on stage and went did you ever notice that your wife gets annoyed when you leave

the toilet seat up what the fuck get off the stage jeez it's Bill Hicks. Do you know, this very same comedian, I remember asking him for advice. I was like, you're a headliner, you've toured the world. And I remember I had just had kids and I didn't know how to go over to kid material. Don't tell me he invented talking about kids as well.

He missed the boat on that one. And I remember going, hey, can I just ask you a minute? I was like, can I have a bit of advice? I should become a dad. How do you go from no kids to kids material? And he went, you know what? I will give you some advice. Just call my manager.

We'll sit down and I'll only charge you $120. No. What? I remember going I just went back and I was like I'm not going to pay you 120 bucks. It was the weirdest thing.

He was discovering the difference between being a good bloke and being a shit cat. I mean I can understand. It's like one thing to go, hey I'll charge you this. I'm not just giving out these nuggets for free. But getting the manager involved, that's like 10% of your 120 bucks down the drain immediately. It would have been 100, but he's already factored in the manager.

And what's he going to say? Is he going to sit there and go, we're definitely not going to sign you? I like the idea of you like a decade later after a bad festival show being like, I've got to find $120. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to get back in. I need his help. Oh, my God. Yeah.

No, but yeah. Yeah, he's a great human being. Well, I'll tell you, if you're looking for segment ideas for the project, I'll tell you something that you definitely can't do on the project because we did a show a couple of months ago, The Comics Lounge, where we had like a fake someone made a fake uh dicky knee for us oh nice that we did it up as like dicky knees italian cousin ricky knee but it looked spot on it's the it's the hair and the hat good stuff so it's like

huge right it's on like a huge pole and it's like massive so that you could see it up the back of the room we did the show and then i went to a friend's house party afterwards and i took the dicky knee with me and my friend got really fixated on it and as i was leaving i was like oh anyway i'll just gather up my things and i grabbed the dicky knee and he goes leave it here like he just got fixated on it did he fuck it i think he did he think maybe he like cut a hole in it and fucked it yeah but so he's a pole. While still going, Mamma mia. So we were going to the Meredith Music Festival in a little while. And what people will typically do at that festival,

there'll be a thing where people take a big totem to have in the crowd. Is that culturally appropriate? Can you have a totem? Well, not a literal totem but like a you know something on a pole that's so you can

so you were next to the totem in the feathers yeah yeah I've got the big Jamiroquai hat on I've really gone for it so that like people this year's one

people had like a big cutout of like Jennifer Coolidge from the White Lotus you know just a thing that's up in the crowd so that you can find your friends when it's really busy

I get you so my friend was like I'm going to take Dickie Nate so when's up in the crowd so that you can find your friends when it's really busy. I got you. So my friend was like, I'm going to take Dickie Nee. So when we're in the crowd, when we're at the music festival, like Saturday night when it's pumping, how good is that going to look? Dickie Nee is kind of pumping up in the crowd. And if you go to the toilet, you can't find the group. That's a great idea.

Sounds super cool. Awesome. So Dickie Nee comes down with us. We all get like a little mini bus down together. Dickie Knee's there on the ground of the bus. And it gets to near the end of the festival and I go up to my friend. I'm like, hey, I haven't noticed Dickie Knee in the crowd at all. Why haven't you been bringing him down? And he's like, I took him down and I just got besieged by people telling me

that it's inappropriate. What? Because to anyone young enough, you've got to remember, we're decades away from the cultural relevance of Dickie Nee. To anyone a bit younger, it just looks like some fucking golly walk that you're taking. That is a good point. So, my friend, giving it a crack multiple times in the crowd

and, like, 25- 25 year olds coming up to him and going what are you doing you have to take that back to your tent you won't even let his face be seen yeah

but then how will the other racist people know where to meet up at the festival it's actually the most appropriate you're basically

digging in I'm surrounded by people skinheads that'd be good though if they're complaining. You go, look, how else are John Blackman and Daryl Summers going to find us? Hey, me and the boys, we've got the Jackson Jive dance routine all planned.

We need to know where to meet up. Jackie McDonald's lost now. I hope you're happy with yourself. So, yeah, that was a grim realisation to realise that I'm now in that age bracket of like, you don't understand. It was a bit of fun back then. It was just a bit of muck. The bloody PC police have come for Dickie Knee. But I'm now in that age bracket of like, you don't understand. It was just a bit of muck. The bloody PC police have come for Dickie Nee.

Did your buddy try to argue the case with the people at all? Or did he very quickly go, oh, fair enough? I think he realised he was outnumbered and probably fighting a losing battle. Because it's like if enough people have told you, it's like this isn't going to end. You don't want to be on pingers and have someone like 1am coming up to you starting

an argument about dicky nails also yeah is that is yeah is it worth the fight yeah yeah no you're old

is when you're on drugs explaining to a 25 year old what hey hey Saturday okay now now hear me out

there's a cartoonist you know tell it like you can't explain it to them yeah I know the idea was that maybe one day this would end up in the in the podcasting museum but Now, hear me out. There's a cartoonist. No, exactly. You can't explain it to them. Yeah. I know the idea was that maybe one day this would end up in the podcasting museum, but the decision was made to – So where is it now?

It's gone. We just left him there. Oh, no. We sent him to a farm. He'll come back one day, though. He'll come back. Maybe next year we'll find him. Maybe the world will be ready for Dickie Nevis.

Someone has picked it up and it's hanging in someone's backyard. It would be good if he's like, no, no, no, no, it's okay, he's Italian. Oh, that made it worse. Yeah, yeah. Also, that's so bad because it's like Meredith's music festival is very sort of like, I don't know, sustainable and all that sort of stuff. And it's like, yeah, don't leave any rubbish. Oh, we didn't leave any cans or any food scraps. We left a big Dickie Neve on your farm.

They do have people, like you leave your rubbish in a big bag next to your campsite no well you do they do have people like you leave your rubbish in a big bag next to your campsite and then people come around and get like trucks come around and get it I think it was so racist

that garbage people didn't even pick it up we're not that's going to pollute our rubbish we don't want our truck to get cancelled I'd love it if we

if we go back next year and we just find him you know just like fossilised in the mud just stack him up a tree and you can come back and find him next year well cause so all of that you know, just like fossilized in the mud. Stuck him up a tree. That's a good idea. Well, cause so all of that festival, it's all like permanent.

Like it's like the stage and the toilets and everything. They're not like, they're not bust in every year and set up. It's all, it's all there year round. And so someone came up to me, a friend who I was camping with at one point came up and said, is your friend Carl here? And I went, no, why do you ask? And she goes, cause I was just in the toilet and someone on the wall had written,

this cubicle is aware of the little dum-dum club. I'm like, I love it. At Meredith. Yeah. Oh, the crossover can't be. You don't think I would have done it. You think the only explanation is Carl has come down here to just graffiti the toilet.

But then I realised. Heaven forbid it was a fan. Because I thought, oh, someone must have done that this year. But like I said, they're all permanent. Are they the drop toilets with the dust? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone let us know if you went in like 2016 and did that. I'd love to know how long that's been there for,

whether that was a freshie this year or whether it's just been there, you know, this entire time. Do they do stand up at Meredith's? No, they used to. I do. Was it a disaster? Yeah. You do.

Yeah, I just get a 10 and go, hey, guys, the show's about to start. Hey, when was the last music festival you went to, Carl? I don't know. Splendour? Yes. That's it, when we performed at Splendour. Yeah. When was the last one you went to, Ben Lundes?

I think it's like Offshore in 2001. Yeah. Offshore?'s like Offshore in 2001. Offshore? What is Offshore? Yeah, Offshore. So there was this one out in like sort of Torquay and I remember going to it. And this is how old I was. Like Ben Harper was playing, like that kind of thing.

And I remember... Would have been perfect to bring Dickie Nee to. Yeah, perfect. Actually, yeah. Timing would have been a lot better. I think to yeah perfect yeah actually yeah but then timing would have been a lot better yeah all i remember was i i um we we we thought i will leave the night before after ben harper and we'll go but i was so stoned that i was like oh it's okay i'll just drive a little bit and i remember leaving the festival and then driving over like a corner of a tent

like i'm just driving over to it what that's how and there was a hole I know that's how someone died at falls a few years ago just like it yeah yeah yeah but I remember oh no wait that was the last one but I remember

like I ripped a hole and I just opened it and I went I'm so sorry mate and like he was in the tent and he just went nah mate it happens offshore

and I was like okay and then I remember driving and then I was like nah this is too dangerous I'm too stoned. So I remember we went to Torquay, like just the foreshore and pitched a tent on the beach, right?

And then I remember like we just passed out. And then the next morning we go, g'day, this is Victoria Police. Can we have a chat with you? And I was like, oh my God. And then as I was about to get out of the tent he goes mate be careful the bong's in front of your tent put it aside and I was like

oh we're definitely getting fined and he's like why did you camp on the beach I was like I was too stoned to drive home and he went okay and then let us go

that's the last 2001 is the last festival you should get back into it there's a lot of people on drugs very chatty the perfect environment for crowd work. Get you and Meredith at like 2am up on the stage

just asking pinged people what they do for a job. What an act that would be after the headliner ends, Lomas comes out and does four hours of crowd work. Warm down. Four hours of warm down. Yeah, yeah, warm down. Hey guys, what do you do for a living? Do you have a good festival?

Yeah, okay. You look funny. What's your name? I couldn't do it I just could not do it I've reached that age I cannot do festivals I went to Splendid this year The big mud

Oh yeah And there was like mud everywhere But is that fun? Well, I mean I don't know Well, I mean It didn't seem that fun For

Well, no If you're on drugs I wasn't on drugs So it wasn't I was just kind of seeing music But I had gumboots. But the people on drugs looked to be having as good a time as they would have been regardless of the mud situation.

But everyone was having a great time there, and then you would read. I sat next to one of the bus, like a journo, and she was like, I had the best time. It's like we all made the best of it. And then the next day I read her opinion piece about it, and she was like, there was blood everywhere. It made it sound like the beach at Gallipoli or whatever. Hey, was the blood brown?

That is great, getting home and being like, I need an angle. Got to throw this whole festival under the bus. Hey, we know what it's like. You know, you've got a story here, you pump it up by 10%. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just like the podcast. I didn't even take the dick you need, Meredith. I did.

A guy came up to me, and thank you to this young man who came up to me during the festival, during Meredith, and was like, hey, man, I listened to the pod, and I just wanted to say I saw you here in 2019, which is the last time it was on with the pandemic and everything, and I came up to you on the Saturday night, and we had a chat, and you said something so self-deprecating that you almost made yourself cry. So I just wanted to make sure you were all right. And I was like, wow, I've got no memory of that at all.

Do you know what it was? I have no idea. But also how good is that? Also me, like knowing that that's the state I was in, had no idea there was a big old global pandemic around the corner. Just like, you think you feel bad now. Strappy. God, I'd love to know what you said.

I'm glad you sorted yourself out in lockdown. Yeah, yeah. Shout out to this guy for, like, he's like, I've been checking up on you three years later. Because he happened to run into me. Yeah, I mean, if it was that bad, surely he could have sent a message the next day. You know what I mean? up on you three years later. Because he happened to run into me. Yeah. I mean, if it was that bad, surely he could have sent a message the next day. No, totally.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He listens to your podcast. He knows where to find you. Yeah, I was like, oh, you having a good weekend? He's like, yeah, yeah. You know, I drove up today and I'm not drinking. I'm like, oh, how come?

And he's like, oh, you know, I just, yeah, I just had a really bad one like a month ago and I just thought I need a break for a bit. And it was very heavy. I kind of was getting that vibe. He drove over Lomas in a tent. He was getting that vibe of like, maybe you should have tried that out after 2019. You didn't seem to be coping at all.

Do they do the naked run at Meredith? Is that what happens? Do you ever do it? No. So they do a thing on Sunday afternoon when everything else is finished, everyone just gets their clothes off and does a 100-meter sprint.

Big nudie run. You have to sign up to do it. I think you win. If you win, you get a ticket to next year, I think. No, isn't it a golden ticket that you can go free forever? I don't know if it's forever. I thought it was a golden ticket. Yeah, I've watched it once.

Got too horny. Had to go home. Yeah, well, that would be the big issue. Yeah, that would be hard. You get all barred up. Never done it, never would. Can't think of anything worse, quite honestly. Is it the thought of the exercise?

Or the taking your clothes off? I'm walking around naked anyway. Yeah, yeah, of course. The first year I went... Can't run with a hard-on. True, true. Send her a ballot. You just fall straight over.

Too much blood in the wrong place. The first year I went, a friend of mine, she, on the Saturday night, she was like, I slept with this guy last night and I think he might be a huge bogan. And I'm like,

what makes you think that? And she goes, because right after we fucked, he started showing me photos of his dirt bike on his phone. I'm like, makes you think that and she goes because right after we fucked he started showing me photos of his dirt bike on his phone yeah that'll do it that's amazing oh that's your girlfriend that's nice uh well a little bit of a follow-up for something i talked about a couple weeks on the pod we talked about so i i run um as as we all well know I run Basement Comedy Club

in the city of Melbourne oh do you tell us about it yeah you're a joy there by the way thank you thank you

it's an absolute pleasure you're welcome for the work I always appreciate the work but I just love the chipper attitude you have what's wrong why don't I

he's working he's working, mate. He's working. I know. Maybe you could get a bit more serious about your work. Yeah, yeah. I can't. I'm too busy riffing and not writing material. You should be more worried about the people not having a good time

that are listening to you while you're down there. Hey, they are having a good time. Maybe not last night. The previous nights, yes. Okay, basement comedy. It's great comedy club. It's getting revamped. It's getting revamped.

It is. It's getting redone. New management coming in. New guy running it. It's going to be great. Dickie Knee's taking over. Maybe that would be a place Where Dickie Knee could live But on the stage

Like backdrop Oh yeah Oh yeah totally Like Hard Rock Cafe You just have all the Comedy stuff on the wall Yeah yeah Have Dickie Knee on the wall

He could run the bar He'd probably serve us quicker You should You should make Basement Comedy Club merch But it's like You've just ripped off The Hard Rock logo

Yeah And then you've got like Melbourne Australia You know that thing Where it's like Wanting to like Collect Have like a Hard Rock Or like a. And then you've got like Melbourne, Australia. You know that thing where it's like wanting to like collect, have like a Hard Rock or like a Planet Hollywood

from the place you visited? It's ridiculous. Every Open Mic night has merch and you don't. I know. You should get a t-shirt. Nah, I can't be bothered. Okay.

Yeah, but those Open Mic nights, who's buying those? Don't use that as a segment on the project. Yeah, but no one's buying those shirts. It's only on the comics that wear them.

No normal people buy a comedy club fucking t-shirt taunts has popped up on TV a couple times wearing the little logo that I designed yeah yeah

I like it for comedy rooms I mean but I think you're right it's only for comedians what punter is going to go and buy it from well die hard comedy fans

yeah but there's like eight of them and they don't have good you don't want them wearing the shirt yeah yeah yeah it's like you go for the print don't have good... I know, we need more. You don't want them wearing the shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you go for the print run, you go,

okay, triple XL, four XL, five XL. Oh, this design is going to look... Wait, wait, do the cover. This design is going to look beautiful paired with some Diodora tracksuit pants. I'd like a tent done. Okay, great. Someone at a gig who runs a gig gave me, like had, you know, one of their gig t-shirts

and they were like oh if i give you would you wear this if i gave it to you and i was like yeah in my head like to bed yeah yeah oh well that's one way to make sure you don't have sex put the open mic t-shirt on Put it off Just do your new five minutes High five I've seen the light Who was it? Someone does have a story About going home with a comedian And then during sex

Them being like Tell me I'm funny No No I can't remember who it was But there is someone It was like during It was like a comedy festival hook up And I can't remember for the life of me

Who it was No That's amazing You know what It was like a comedy festival hookup. And I can't remember for the life of me who it was. No. That's amazing. You know what? It doesn't matter who it is. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we can all probably picture five different candidates,

and I bet it's probably happened with all of them. Yeah, yeah, totally. It's just not out there about something. He can't come. He's like, just tell me I'm funny. Just tell me I'm funny. Tell me I'm funny. Fuck, I'd love to know who'm funny fuck I'd laugh to that

I'd laugh I reckon the person I think it is I think you will all get if you guessed it I'll tell you after who I think it is but I could be

a little bit wrong could it be the same guy who discovered the difference between men he did that during sex he was like you're making this move I'm doing this move

hang on you've got a different bit down there than me. Hang on, give me a pin. Well, there's like, my girlfriend follows this account, like Bad Dates of Melbourne, and there was one that was like, I was on a date with this guy and we were at a bar, and it was like a first date, and then like a comedy night

started up in the corner of the room, and I was a bit weird because we were trying to have a conversation. We didn't know the comedy night was going on, but, you know, it's not too loud. We can still just kind of chat because we're up the back of the room and I was a bit like, I was a bit weird because we're trying to have a conversation. We didn't know the comedy night was going on, but you know, we can still, it's not too loud. We can still just kind of chat because we're up the back of the room. And then it's like,

you know, 10 minutes into the night, her date went, I'll just be one second. And he goes and gets up and does a set at the open mic. He's like planned the whole thing around it. And immediately my girlfriend was like, shows me the post and she's like,

you've got to find out who this is. And I'm like, I don't even know where i'd start with this one it's a ballsy move isn't that peacocking is that what is that kind of yeah i mean but the reality is like you would be so nervous you'd be having the worst date before you'd be so nervous yeah you'd be looking around trying to survey the room like there's a weird table over there oh you've come alone you fucking loser but you're like you know you're come alone You fucking loser But you're like You know You're talking to your date And then you're going over notes

Yeah that's what I was thinking You're like You're writing a Yeah I want to hear What you're doing Are you testing out gear On your date as you're doing it Yeah yeah

Oh god So what do you think about the You know the black box on a plane Don't you think Yeah Have you ever had a duck sandwich You get up and you're like, oh, I was just on a date

and here's a difference that I've noticed between men and women and everyone in the crowd's like, he's not really going there, is he? Oh my God. He's finally done it. Someone's finally done it. Or that he just roasted her.

I'm on a terrible date at the moment with this bitch. Yeah, yeah. She's a nurse. What do you do for a living? I should have checked this earlier, Yeah, yeah. Oh, she's a nurse. Boring. What do you do for a living? I should have checked this earlier to be honest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's great. I went on a bad date recently. Like, literally about 30 seconds ago to be completely honest. Okay, it's a funny bit. I support it. So, basement comedy club. So, a couple of weeks ago

I talked about... So, I do the door and then you tick off people that bought tickets and whatever. You see this, ask for their surname. There was a girl with a surname hyphenated surname a couple of

weeks ago and her surname was college frisbee and I was like this is the fucking this is the best name college frisbee the best name I've ever come across

as to someone that is amazing yeah it was great it was really great so then I was like I've got to talk to this person about it and she's like yeah I'm married and my name was college and I married someone to talk to this person about it. And she's like, yeah, I'm married

and my name was College and I married someone called Frisbee. And the friend with her was just absolutely dobbing her and going, fucking check out this. Who would marry someone called Frisbee and then add it to your name?

Like, this is fucking... So hyphenated surnames. Yes. Show started. Huge line between this lady and me. Why wouldn't you just take Frisbee? Chandler there just laughing.

Frisbee, you fucking idiot. No, but why take Frisbee's just... Why take that as a certain law? But college Frisbee's an actual thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And college was a thing. And Frisbee's a thing. It's all a thing.

Is it a Seinfeld bit now? Yeah. It's all a thing. It just came up on the show. So anyway, it was funny because she's stuck there talking to me and the friends dobbing her and going, yeah, ask her about this and ask her about that. I'm like, okay, great.

Anyway, we talked about it a couple of weeks ago. Straight away, someone who listens to the show knows that person, dobs them in. That college Frisbee's then listened to the show and then put it on Instagram and gone, oh, everyone listened to this story about how fucked my name is. All she wanted to do was go to one comedy night but the great thing about it

was like she was I was like you know when you get a name like that you can't help but sort of go I'm really sorry you've obviously heard about this

all your life or whatever but can we talk about this and she's like yeah go for it like yeah she was like fine we're talking about it well it's also

you have to put your name in for nearly everything that you buy a ticket for well would it which I thought well it's also you have to put your name in for most you know nearly everything that you buy a ticket for well would it I mean it's not like you're going to the ballet at the arts centre

and you're getting an usher there being like college frisbee wouldn't expect you'd like the opera we just had the elections you don't go

college frisbee who would you vote for you fucking idiot yeah she's just unlucky that she's chosen to go to the one thing where there is a doorman

who is going to comment on this yeah so that happened a couple of weeks ago so then this week it's just gone I've come up with another one

yeah so now it wasn't quite you meant Jennifer Vortex is that what happened what you know a vortex that's another

throwing toy I mean if you're into park games that really would have hit hard yeah that's a good that's a good toy tafe yo-ho diablo oh no i've got i've got three diabolos at home do you

really yeah fucking hell i got really into it in year seven i was part of a circus what yeah i used to you're in a circus circus in year seven carl throw your notes out yeah yeah yeah that's next week no no no no we're gonna go to but. We've got to get it. But I... What sort of circus? So, like, the school I went to... Like a proper ringling circus? Well, no, no, no. They threw out our subjects.

I was at, like, this school for, like, two years. I won't mention the school. And then every 20 years, they would have a circus. No, no, no. Just start again. You were at a normal school. Normal school. And they had a circus program.

They had a circus program at the school. This is... I know a guy that was in a circus program as well. So why? Ben Lomax. But I remember they were like you, they got rid of like, I think history and a couple other subjects and my subjects I'm not making it up was Diablo

slash juggling. How the fuck do I not know this? What the fuck? Who cares about history? He's got to learn a far greater skill. How do I not know that you didn't go to school for two years and you went to circus school instead

it was still the normal school except we had circus why did this happen why did they throw up the books they decided

that it would be important to get the kids moving and so they went full on did you just eat too many ping pong balls and they're like

you should be a clown in the clown school? No, literally, we had like every way we had full-time professionals, like unicyclists from around Australia. So you had a Yo-Ho Diablo specialist? I can do two, but I can do all the tricks with one of them. What the fuck? Is that why you have a beard?

Are you a lady? Are you actually a woman? Totally. No, but I got really into it. Oh, my God. And then all my friends, we all had to learn how to unicycle together. Fucking hell. A tandem unicycle.

Are your parents locked up? They should be in jail. Why did they let you do this? Well, this is the thing. It was a particular school. It was a particular school. It was a private school. It's also you always tell me, like, I've got no idea for joke stories. But you're just sitting on this the entire time.

You're sure this year is a sequel to your last year's show? That was all crowd work. Do fucking Ben Lomas' clown college. The circus freak. We did a show about real estate. Do a show about being in a fucking clown college? Yeah. Seriously, I haven't thought about it in 20 years.

This is a repressed memory. Yeah. No. And it was such a good time. You're going to start crying. This is like you being touched as a six-year-old. Like, you've blocked yourself. No, there's footage of it because then we studied all year.

And then right at the end, we had three performances. We had a massive circus tent on the tent and we sold tickets. And then, yeah, so there's footage of me on the unicycle doing Diablo. And you've never done this as a show? This is crazy. Is this why you've repressed it? Because you got molested in the back of a car by 18 different people? I'm here.

Squeeze my nose. Squeeze my nose It's not a nose It's not a nose Is it too late to pivot you show And just do Two years Wait I still don't get why No one year It was just one year

But you said it's a I don't get why any of this Why is any of this happening I don't understand Like because I speak to those oh mate so this is year 7 and is this a private school

yeah it was so your parents are paying quite a lot of money but this is the thing is my parents not to go into detail but my parents

like extended their mortgage to send us to this school and then 100% and then I remember I came home and it goes

what are your subjects and I go maths and juggling oh my god he's like what he's like He goes, what are your subjects? And I go, maths and juggling. He's like, what? He's like, this fellow at Costco is a fortune. And he's like, that son of mine is going to learn maths. And it was weird. I haven't thought about it so long because then you could also specialise.

So juggling was a subject, unicycling, tight walk, groovy. And then the other one, there was one kid. Do your mum and dad run the Mad Mouse? Where's this coming from? Why did they send you to it? Because they didn't know. They didn't know? No, because it was just a normal private school.

They only had year seven and eight. And then I was then going to go to another school, but they couldn't get me into that other school. And they were like, you have to go here. And I'd never worn a uniform. I didn't know anyone there. And then in that first year, because I remember people were like, oh, when do you want to specialise?

And I was like, in my head, I was like, oh, is this what rich people do? They just do circus skills and stuff. But one kid. Getting a detention. Lomas, those shoes are too small. They need to be bigger and squeakier. and Lomas, those shoes are too small. They need to be bigger and squeakier.

But then one kid was like, he couldn't work out how to juggle. And so they... He had to go to special ed. No, no, no. No, this is when he had plate spinning. That's so good you got the special ed where there's just like one kid in there with two balls. Just trying to get...

No, just one. He's not all there. He's not all there. They've just put a rope, but it's laying on the ground. He's practising walking on the rope on the ground. Oh, that is... Because I got... Yeah, we had our school.

I got busted down. I was so bad at maths. I got busted down into what my school affectionately referred to as vegetable maths. Veggie maths. And that was like the term the teachers use. It was like just sitting there one day and like having done a test and just absolutely butchering it.

And my teacher coming up and like the tap on the shoulder, it's like, I think you need to come with me. And just like walking. And everyone knows. And then it's like that room down the hall, that's where you go for maths from now on. And then like walking in and it's just like the derpiest kid just like staring at the ceiling fan.

Lomas in veggie clowning. He's only allowed to have mascara on and that's it he walks into the room he doesn't even do a tumble and fall over and they're like

ah this idiot he walked in perfectly I don't get a unicycle I just have to ride a normal bike Lomas is the bearded man can I just ask quickly was this one of those things

because when you're that age it's like you just think that your experience is normal like you have it was this like you in uni it's like boy it's pretty crazy

when you're in year 7 and all of a sudden you clean up the yellow that's like you said he said you know he just thought all rich people

like oh they're so beyond everything else yeah totally like I was like but the school was saying they did this every 20 years and it was the 20th anniversary. So therefore they put on like a massive circus

and you study to be... What? Hang on. They only teach circus every 20 years. You just happen to walk into that. Yeah, so I just fell in that one year where they were like, oh, this is the year that you get to pick circus up. Oh my God.

It's like Hallie's Comet crashed into your career. Yeah. It was just like, oh, my. But then all I remember was like this one kid couldn't juggle. We all worked out how to juggle. A lot of us all worked out how to unicycle. And there was one kid who just couldn't do either of them, and they felt bad for him.

So they got a professional plate spinner in to teach him how to spin plates. Can't be trusted with the balls. We're moving you on to China. Yeah, China. Yeah China. So they should it's a school they should hire professional people

to teach people how to move in. Totally. And then that was his thing just like I remember like it's been like 25 plates

and then keep them going and that was his thing. Is this like the equivalent of like you know there's comics that'll start a comedy course

and it's like you know what I mean it's like those who can do and those who can't teach it's like is there anyone

in the circus it's like hey did you hear that shit jugg't teach it's like is there anyone in the circus it's like hey did you hear that shit juggler is teaching at the school now yeah I know I thought you meant just hear about that

shit juggler who like flunked out of clowning and juggling and now he's a stand up comedian now he warms up the project because I remember it was actually kind of awesome because then every week

at assembly we'd have like a different performance and I remember we had one guy which was amazing he was on a seven no it was like maybe a 10 foot unicycle but the unicycle had three wheels on top of each other so one this is a student like no no no no like a performer and then he juggled i think 11 clubs and i was like this is phenomenal but then he fell off he fell and then

broke his wrist and i remember in assembly it was like oh and then he kept going. And I remember in assembly, it was like, oh, and then he kept going. I was like, and then he kept going. And I was like, fuck, that was me last time. True bravery. Did you ever get... I think we found your new segment on the project. Yes.

Lomas' Clown Corner. No, just uncovering Lomas' trauma. Did you ever get pissed off and run away to join the accountancy thing? I had a friend who, well, like kind of a friend who did like a circus thing at school And he was a juggler

Like he And he was I think he's still got it Like thinks he's a really good juggler And one night at a party He pulled Like he went into the kitchen And pulled out like

Four kitchen knives And he was like Then did this speech Similar to you It was like I was in a circus And he said He was one of the state's best jugglers

Which I thought Was a huge claim to make. And then he's got four kitchen knives in his hands and everyone's gathering around. And then it's also like 1am in the morning. And then he just goes, throws them up. And then as they're coming down, you can see him just start to get a little bit worried

and he just goes stab, stab, stab, and just starts bleeding all over the floor and stuff. He had to go to hospital. All right, let's get some knives out. Come on, Lomas. How bad can it be? No, because juggling wasn't my... That's why I went to the Diablo.

Yeah, you can't stab yourself in the Diablo. Yeah, totally. And so... Sorry. Just reliving it. Was there a point where... God, I want to see you do it. Yeah.

Yeah, was there a point where your parents intervened in any way? Like, this is ridiculous. Or they were kind of supportive? Well, my parents were just like... Well, generally, I remember they, yeah. Yeah, was there a point where your parents intervened in any way? Like, this is ridiculous. Or they were kind of supportive? Well, my parents were just like, well, generally, I remember they had massive arguments going, what have we done? You've got to give us some of the feedback, guys. But they were really like, we're, you know, we were, like. Did no one turn up to open day?

Is that like, you just. Well, no, it's just like, you sort of just go, well, we'll just send him to this school. It's going to cost a fortune. But they were too scared to send me to the state school because it was like, all my friends are going there. And I was like, you know, it's a bad school.

And it's like, he's not, yeah, it's bad school. He's going to get interrupted, not come out with like a proper education. It was, it was bizarre.

Well, this, cause I know people who've taught at private schools and what you have to put up with constantly when people are paying so much is like the parents on the fucking phone. Yeah. Yeah. Especially like, you know, when you get to like year 11 12 it's like the kid getting a bad mark isn't the kid's fault it's your fault it's your fault so i can only imagine at this school it's like what the fuck's going on here totally traded in the calculator for some fucking juggling balls

what are you what kind of operation are you running in there without knowing it's a clown school it's a circus school or whatever it's so funny to think day one Lomas comes home in full make up I'm like

what the fuck is going on but mum I am Pagliacci it's like it's a normal school but then they just did circus that one year every 20 years

and so it was just it was just intense what an odd yeah but it's like that's not that's like you just got unlucky like that's not

going to make the parents feel better about the whole thing but I think about it it was so much fun but no hang on I'm doing the maths here and you're saying

they do this once every 20 years yeah I'm doing the maths on when you graduated I reckon they would've they must have done this again not that long ago

oh my god we could have a listener out there who's like the show is this year maybe we could go to the show I reckon there's maybe like two or three people listening to this. Surely.

I thought I dreamt that. You should have turned up at the open day and gone, no, don't do what I did. This is the year not to do this. I think they bring him back for the show and they're like, our greatest ever Yo-Ho Diablo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The master.

Yeah. It was generally like such fond memories. Because it was like All you did was like Yeah because you fucked around Yeah and it was amazing And then you just had this Amazing performance You're like

Oh what are we doing Like I remember once We were doing maths And our teacher Just went Okay Have we all done our work And we'd do our work

Really quickly So ten minutes Who wants the unicycles And then we'd run out Of the back And get the unicycles But didn't Like didn't you then

Transfer out of that school And then like go back into normal year eight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know fucking jack shit about anything? He rides a unicycle in first aid juggling. Yeah, it's like, check this out, riding the unicycle,

everyone bashes him off. Just get bullied straight away. I've wasted a year. Can't locate Sweden on a map but can tell you off the top of his head where every company in Brother Circus is. Because then they gave us a unicycle to take home. And then, this is crazy, so I take a unicycle home to practice at home and then my dad cracked the shits

because I could do something that he couldn't. So then my dad went and bought one and we used to ride around North Carlton. On unicycling. That's so good. Did you invent the hipster? Yeah. Was it like final day of year 12?

They're like, give it up for the ducks of year 12. Bozo. Oh yeah, did you have a clown name? No, no, no. You weren't a clown though. No, I wasn't a clown. So I just did unicycling and Diablo. And then I did a solo performance with the Diablo for a year.

And then me and my mates did a unicycle show. You did your own unicycle show. Was there a football team at this school? It would have been easy to make, I reckon. No, but we played basketball once with all our unicycles. We played basketball and played. While you were riding the unicycle. Yeah, so we played basketball once with all our unicycles. We played basketball and played... While you were riding the unicycle? Yeah, so we played three.

So the sports all got corrupted by the clowning as well. Yeah. Oh, my God. It was... Anyway, so you run based on comedy. So, wait. Taunt, last year or this year, you did a comedy festival show called Yo-Ho Diablo.

Yeah, my show was called Yo-Ho Diablo. You must have been looking at that thinking, like, this is stolen. No, I didn't. You didn't even see it. No memories. Oh, wow. So we've literally, you haven't thought about this since we've uncovered it.

I have not thought about this since, yeah, I can't even remember. You have seriously blocked me out. This is great. You must have got the day you went to the... It's a long time ago. Like, it's over 25 years. You must have got bullied at the next school. I would remember going to a clown school for two years.

It's a normal school with clown subjects, okay? Someone must have pulled a 12-foot hanky out of your ass in like year 7 and you just repressed all of it. No, no, no. That was like right at the start. We did that. Because that's how you learn to juggle. You do it with hankies first.

You throw them in the air. That's the best way to juggle. That's how you start. Is that true? Yeah, and then you go from hankies to rings. With hankies.. You throw them in the air. That's the best way to juggle. That's how you start. Is that true? Yeah, and then you go from hankies to rings. With hankies. And then from rings, you go to balls, and then balls to clubs.

When do you get to Kmart knives at a party? Yeah, it's chainsaw coming. No, you can do, but you start with one knife. So you just throw one knife in the air. But you start with clubs, because then they're weighted. Do you mean you start with wider things? There used to be a Diablo store In Fitzroy

Like right on Fitzroy Street Yeah There used to be one In There used to be Like a juggling store It might still be there And you used to go in all the time

No no I remember Your photos on the wall Custom number one They get these sweet ones From the states It is flooding back Yeah this is It's crazy

I don't think we can stop it now We've got to get We've got to find out What happened that repressed it Like maybe you and your You and your dad both got bashed riding around the streets of Carlton. You know what my dad did once? He said we had two...

Oh, fuck. We had two... Did an elephant sit on your head or something? Is that what happened? I think you need to lay down on this couch now. Yeah. So there was two... So my dad and I had a unicycle each

and then one day... I can't lie to this. One day I was outside and then I thought dad rode past on a bicycle. And what he'd done is he'd taken the seat out of one unicycle and put handlebars on the other. So he was riding a bicycle, but it was two unicycles. So he could ride and then if people saw him, he'd just lift up the front and then carry the front of his bike.

Oh, no. Okay, well well I can see why your parents didn't really protest this school it sounds like your dad was very into it I had so much fun learning

because then I had to teach my dad how to ride the unicycle stop saying you had so much fun you were in year 7 and you didn't have to do any fucking work

of course you had a lot of fun but that's what made it fun yeah school holidays are about to start no once you got into comedy you couldn't get into fucking anything else

after this education no you know that's not true. I am a qualified town planner and I enjoyed every bit of that. All the towns you've planned have unicycle lanes. Unicycle, yeah. Just around the roundabout, unicycle lanes. What did you do for school camp?

Goli Air? Goli Air. God, can you imagine? That's not real clowning. No. Oh, fuck. This is so weird. Yeah, I know. It is really weird for me. Look, you do warm-up on TV shows now, right. No. Oh, fuck. This is so weird. Yeah, I know.

It is really weird for me. Look, you do warm-up on TV shows now, right? Yes, yes, yes. And so a lot of listeners of this show will turn up to those sort of recordings. Yes, they will. So now, whenever, please, I'm putting out a play to the listeners. Whenever you see Ben Lomas warming up some TV shows, request some juggling. Yeah, it is crazy you're not doing it in warm-up.

No, no, no. Fuck you. How about that? How about that? up some TV yes request some juggling yeah it's crazy you're not doing it in warm up no no no fuck you how about that how about that I ain't juggling shit request some walking against

the wind no ask the question ask the question because then there's some material here I can really

you doing warm up on a unicycle would be huge oh yeah people would a comedy festival show next year

is called any questions oh I got some questions yeah yeah you've got a lot of questions I've got some questions for my dad well to be honest

I am 10 minutes short so please ask away yeah 10 minute juggling act at the end of the gig yeah yeah I'll do warm up

in a unicycle while doing the Diablo and then and then have music in the background hello darkness my old friend that'd be great

some pathos at the end you'd cry as well. Yeah, definitely. About the clowning issues. Oh, wow. It's literally amazing. The mascara just drips down, fade to black.

Oh, my God. Award season coming up. No, it fades to black. And welcome Sam Talton. Man, I really feel like now that I'm in the middle of it, I wish I had another day to prepare for this podcast. I just feel like it's like once we leave, I'm going to be wrapped by all the things I wish I'd said.

But the thing with trauma is that it takes a while for it to fully come to. It's not trauma. I had a great time. So I think over the next week we're going to be getting messages. There is no trauma involved. You don't block out something great that happened to you. Sorry. I remember all the great birthday cakes I messages. There is no trauma involved. You don't block out something great that happened to you. Sorry. I remember all the great birthday cakes I had.

It is so true. I have been to Disney World. It's not like I remember. I just haven't thought about it. Yeah, that's what blocking out is. It's like your brain, it's a coping mechanism and your brain decides not to go to that area. Tommy, I don't remember ever being on the Comedy Festival, Gal,

but maybe I was. Maybe I just blocked it out you can just not remember things that are you can just stop having

good things why do you say that because I've been on it six times oh good lord Jesus yeah you've really

got to this is this is truly this is the tip of the iceberg. You've got to start dealing with this. Do you go to therapy? Yeah, I go to therapy. And this has never even come up in therapy.

No, never came up. No, never came up. We have the same therapist. So I'm going to go in. Hey, I know this is highly unorthodox, but what I'd actually like to talk about is a mutual acquaintance of ours. I just want to plant a seed for the next time Ben comes in.

Here's what I think you should do. Now, I know it's a crime for you to say that you should do this. Just sit and listen. I know our time is up, but can I sit in on the next session? I think I can help. Lomax walks in every session. She's got a Yo-Ho Diablo, and she's like, Care to explain this, Ben?

You know how you think your next patient's been care to explain this Ben? You know how you you know how you think your next patient's been juggling a few issues you don't know the half of it. I had a session recently where he started like packing up and I went

where do you think you're fucking going? There's ten minutes left I like the idea that I walk in and then I see a guy dressed as Mario walk out.

Yeah I've repressed it. I like video games. I just haven't thought about it. It's a hobby of mine, but I just don't really think about it. I've blocked out my top score on Ms. Pac-Man. Good stuff. Fucking hell. I literally had nothing on the way here

Yeah well You've got a lot more to worry about now Oh man To think this started with The great intro to a story I met someone with a funny name 45 minutes 45 minutes later

Oh man And not even That's not even you telling the It's just you rehashing it It's the context is This is a story from the other week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God.

I didn't even get up to my, the story I was going to tell, and then we turned into this fucking clown vortex. Say basement. Well, it was a name, wasn't it? Yeah, but I didn't know it was a name. Who cares about the name? Do you think,

wait, not to harp on it, but do you think that's why you ended up in comedy? Like, is there a link? No, no. And you had blocked it out but you felt the need to perform I always liked comedy

I always loved comedy like I loved were you a sad clown no no no well I used to I liked Dutch comedy the first before I liked shows

but I got into comedy because I worked at a hostel and then they had some guy is this in year 8 yeah yeah yeah yeah

I was working behind the bar in year eight. I had to pay off the second school. Those youth cycles aren't shit. Your parents fangin' a bill. No, this is ridiculous. Fuck this, we're pulling him out. No, he was a janitor. He was going around cleaning everything

by squirting flowers onto the tannies. And then I worked at a hostel and then there was this guy who was part of the Fringe Festival, they were at Fringe, and then he would do these characters and then every night I was behind the bar and I watched him die,

like night after night. He'd do like Irish backpackers, and he'd be doing like state politicians that no one had ever heard of. And then one day I got really pissed behind the bar and I said, you're shit. And I started heckling him. He goes, if you think you can do better, get on up.

And then I got up. But I didn't have any material. I just started roasting all the backpackers because I knew who was cheating on who, who was selling drugs. And that's what I sort of got into it. Yeah, right. Wow. That was the first one.

Hotel backpack in Melbourne. So nothing to do with the unicycle that didn't... What? What are you talking about? It's going back in again. We've got it quite down. Hang on. What's a unicycle?

The craziest thing is when we go back to listen to this podcast, there's going to be a silent chunk for 30 minutes where the story is. It'll disappear as well. It doesn't actually exist. Yeah. I hope not because we really need this coming into Christmas

yeah this is I guess technically this is our Christmas episode Merry Christmas you got visited by the ghost of unicycles past yes

oh wow fuck that was good do you know was there anyone from your year who like did end up pursuing circusing? No, they were all super rich.

You keep saying that like that means something. There's no link between rich people and circus. The first day I went to this school and I walked in and the principal said, welcome to the richest school in the Southern Hemisphere. Wow. I remember that and I was like, where the fuck am I? Is this like the Stephen King movie, It? Is this like that where everyone has this horrible traumatic thing happen to them as a child

and then they grow up and forget all about it? And then when they're like 30 or 40, they have to meet up and have to remind each other? Remember when that really bad thing happened? Maybe you just had a brain injury growing up. Do you guys have to go back and defend the clown college? Do you have to go back and kill the principal or something like that? Well, I've still kept in contact with one mate, right, who was part of it. I don't have to ask him.

So the one mate from clown college, you still have, you're in touch and you never talk about clowning. It gets better. You never be like, remember the two years we spent and met and formed this friendship together. They never talk about it, but they meet up on unicisals. Taunts. Okay, your first day in at the project, I reckon you do Coney style.

You get to the end of the ep and then you go, hour-long special report about life. On the warm-up guy. I need to do an hour. I found the most interesting man alive. Okay, but the one mate that I still keep in contact with. I found the most interesting man alive. The one mate that I still keep in contact with. We have not brought it up.

Text all my comedy festival shows. Okay. So I was just like, we haven't spoken about it. Yeah, right. I'm going to call him now. Man, you've got three months. I reckon that's enough time to polish up yeah okay here we go so if you are if you are in the crowd and there's always dumb dumb listeners in the crowd and i say

of course like i always do any questions please ask it and then i can workshop and should they yell out remember when you were a fucking clown no don't get too don't do that because then it's a dumb like sometimes dumb dumb fans go do you like comedy? I'm like, what are you fucking saying? Yeah, yeah. What am I supposed to do with this shit? No, you know what you've got to do? This is like we can, this is, okay. Do you like comedy?

That's beautiful. Whoever's saying that, keep up the good work. No, there was one guy once who just goes, I got any questions? He's like, do you like riffing? I'm like, oh, fuck it. No, this is good. Okay, this is good. Listeners can now like be part of, like this can almost be like a plant No, this is good. Okay, this is good. Listeners can now be part of,

this can almost be like a plant situation, right? So if you're listening, this is what they do. They already do this. This is what you do. You go to Ben's comedy festival show this year and when he goes, any questions? Or any TV recording. For what I'm thinking,

the comedy festival show, you're sitting there in the crowd, any questions? And you go, are you any good with a Yo-Ho Diablo? And you go, well, I'm glad you asked and then you've got one behind the stage. Fuck, I'm doing this! Everyone else in the crowd like, holy fuck how did that happen? Yes, yes, 100% I will buy a Diablo

and I will do this, I will do this in my festival show and I will just do the Diablo, I'll do it for, no, and... And this is the closer of the show? No, open with it. Well when you spin it it you've got to whip the Diablo from side to side so that's how I can

enter the stage what about this if you're at one of Lomas' recordings at a TV recording he's doing the warm up just you know what

pull your lighter out set fire to a curtain Lomas will come over and eat it yeah eat the fire what about that oh I get it

that's obscure because that's not how we actually do it. I reckon when you do it, you're like, oh, right, yeah, sorry. Sorry my folks didn't have enough money to send me to fucking clown school.

To the richest school in the southern hemisphere. I don't understand about whether you love fire eating or not. Sorry. You know the idea of that is if I think about it, it's so fucked

and I take my hat off to my parents but just like the fact that at the time, right, at the time they sent me to that school and we didn't have much money and we lived in a three-bedroom place and then my parents slept in the living room, right?

So my sister and I could have our own room and then send us to that school. Well, you needed your own room to study. I'm glad that you struggled a bit because all of a sudden I was getting really pissed off at my mum and dad for sending me to a state school where I learnt fucking English. Yuck!

Yeah. Never had to use that again in my life. I went to a private school too and we had to learn fucking Latin. They are good at this. They are clowns, so it doesn't work out. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

I got a song suggestion. When you're doing the Diablo, you've got to have Ariana Grande side to side. Oh, great. Because you're saying you've got to whip it side to side. I'm just... I want this Cirque du Soleil low mass next year. Okay, I love it.

Could you walk a tightrope? No, no, no, no. You never did that kind of thing. Bad hips. Right, okay. That's the thing that'll stop you from walking one now. Mate, you've got to have good balance. Like a soccer player, you've got to have good balance. You've got to head down to Edinburgh Gardens, be one of those people that's there with the little rigs from walking one now mate you gotta have good balance like a soccer player you gotta have good balance

you gotta be you gotta head down to Edinburgh Gardens be one of those people that's there with the little rigs oh yeah that's the new I hate that I hate that song

if I can put your shirt back on fuck off I can't wait for your walk on music next year to be the Amelie soundtrack it's gonna be so one of my favourite soundtracks it is great it is really good

it is great so it's delicatessen alright well wait one of my favourite soundtracks it is great it is really good it is great so it's delicatessen alright well are we wrapping it up there is that it I think that's it I'm on a high after hearing that

but what was the name of basement who cares cliffhanger let's hold it over to next week I know what it is oh yeah here we go

page turn it is two yes that's my other magic. That's my magic. I forgot. I forgot you were there. Fuck.

Yeah, you're suppressing too. I had a kick and low mass went, good, I've got to block this out. That was the name of the girl. So this girl comes up and she's written down. I saw the name on the sheet and her name is Paige Turner and I go this is made up this is like

someone's pissed off that they have to put their name on a booking form and so they've made up a name and so and again like if that's your real name you don't want to hear about it

so this girl this lady walks up and she goes Turner I go are you Paige Turner she goes yes and I go

can I can I ask anything about it? She's like, yeah, go for it. Like, you're kidding. And she's like, yeah, Paige Turner, what do you think? And I'm like, it's your real name. And she goes, and again, like I said, I thought she's copped this all her life. She's not going to want to talk about it.

She sits on the table and goes, right, where do you want to start? I'm like, I don't know, whatever you want to say. And she goes, right, well, so my name's turner obviously and so like when i was born my dad named me page turn i'm like wouldn't your mom want to have a say like it was really weirdly then dad walked in and went right and so she goes yeah so then my dad goes right your name's page turner and that's it and so then everyone who came up to him afterwards was like, oh, that's your baby's name. And he's like, yeah, pretty good, eh? I got it out of a book.

And they're like the very concept. Committing to the bit, yeah. Yeah, yeah, so then they're like, ah, okay, he's aware. He's got a little routine happening there. And that kept going on for a couple of weeks. And then at some point he's like gone, like someone said to him, oh, what's your daughter's name? Paige.

So your daughter's name's Paige Turner. Yes. Why did you do that? And he's like, I got it out of a book. And he's like, are you serious? And then actually broke it down and went, do you know your daughter's name is Paige? Yes, I got it out of a book. Turner.

Yeah, I got it out of a book. Turner. Yeah, I got it out of a book. No, like, is that a joke? He's like, what do you mean a joke? And they go, it's a joke name. Why did you give your kid a joke name? And he's like, what do you mean a joke name? Paige Turner. And he goes, oh, fuck.

And he didn't know at all. And he'd been telling everyone I got out of a book and it just perfectly synced up with like a joke that everyone else like put together in their head. And by then it was like a month or two into the baby being born. They've had it christened. They couldn't go back. And so her name is just Paige Turner.

Yeah. And so she's telling me that. And I'm like, that's amazing. And then I got confused because she's like, I'm like, does she listen to this show or not? Because then she goes anyway you can use that

for content if you like I'm like who fucking says that she must listen I like the idea that maybe she doesn't know the joke yet

she hasn't picked up on the joke either I don't know that name does sound familiar but then I do read a lot of reviews of books so maybe that's just maybe that's just

why it's in my head yeah as they say in yeah she was no she was as they say in reviews she was a real page turner oh yeah yeah she was the real page turner yeah yeah um well carl fine story but you studied english in year seven so who cares sorry i should have just blown my horn all right well we gotta wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club.

Sam Taunton, Ben Lomas, thank you very much for joining us. Thank you. It was so exciting. It was good. It was great. Taunton, yeah, you're on the project next year. Yeah. Every night.

Can you get me on? Pardon? Can you get me on? I'd love to get you on. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they'll let me do all the booking and stuff. I'm pretty sure that's part of my job description. So, yeah.

I've got a story to tell. We're going to need longer than the four minutes I can have you on there. You've also got a podcast. Yeah, with Tom Cashman. Yep. Please listen to it. And yeah, I'll be moving to it. I probably could if you named it, but yeah.

Oh, it's called The Good Stuff. Look it up. Check that out. Cashman and I were actually top. When the project was about to get announced, we were on the sports bet odds. We were one and two. Oh, for who the new host was going to be. I was paying $1.80, Cashman was $3.10 or something.

So that was a big thing for our podcast. That's great. Also, that was massive that it was on. I only realised that when you put it up because I was like, I heard about this a week or two ago or whatever. I was like, I could have fucking made money. Haven't you done that? I have made a lot of money. How do you not know this?

What ties we're lead wearing today? Oh, I'm looking at now, blue, 400 bucks. They do that with the hottest 100. It's like, they have the results for like a month.

It's like, no wonder King's Mill's not leaving. He's fucking cashing out every... But you can only have a limit to a certain amount. Well, I think, I don't know. I got told, someone messaged me, and I didn't tell them I had got the job because I wasn't allowed to say it, but they said they'd put big money on me.

They tried to put a couple hundred bucks on me, but I think it was limited at $30. So I don't think it's like, yeah. It's just, if the idea is to suck you in, you're like, oh my God, what colour shoes is Peter Heller going to wear? You're like, oh, $50. you in you're like oh my god what colour shoes is Peter Heller going to wear you're like

oh 50 bucks and then you're like race 4 and you get down to the real stuff before this episode comes out I'm going to put

50 bucks on what sort of college that Ben Lomas went to because I reckon I'm going to get pretty good odds I reckon clown

is at 50s I reckon I reckon I can make a couple hundred here Ben you've got your festival show next year Festival show

any more questions head to benlomus.com I'm just doing Melbourne I'm sick of touring and also Fitbitpod we had our good friend Milan on so check it out

and so yeah but yeah go buy a ticket and ask me if we've ever been in a circus I will break out the DIY I'm going to buy one though alright So, yeah, but, yeah, go buy a ticket and ask me if there's ever been a circus. I will break out the Diabba. I'm going to buy one, though.

All right. Well, thanks, guys. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, buddy. Juggling. Juggling. And they've done it again. Kicked the big one, Bernie.

There you go. There's a little debut. Yep. First appearance, and you guessed it, right at the end of the year. Yeah. Just before's a little debut. Yep. First appearance. And you guessed it, right at the end of the year. Yeah. Just before your little Christmas present. Yeah.

Finally, this guy's getting a career. Fun times, fun out. What a discovery. Great shit. What a discovery. Already having a fun one. And then we dig up that. And then that's just...

That's it. You know what the shame is? Like, you know i i basically walked here and i've been sitting on all this content i know it's gonna start going it's like milk it's gonna start going off well you still it's as far as i am aware you've still got you're still sitting on some bangkok stuff yes correct i'm still like when do you this is pretty funny that it's like i'm just every week i'm like oh i'm gonna hear that bang hear that Bangkok stuff. Yeah. How long is it going to go? I don't know.

When can you, when do you, I'm going to have to come and go. Six months ago when I went on a holiday to Thailand, this is what happened. Nah, who cares? Do you mean the holiday you just went on a week ago? Yeah, that is true. No, no, no, the other one, the six month old one. When's the statute of limitations? Yeah.

Do you remember we, a few years ago, we did an episode with Brett and Brooks Whelan? And for some weird reason, other stuff kept coming. I think a thread came up where we were like, we've got to follow up on this. So it was just this episode that we did that we sat on for nearly two months because it just kept getting shuffled out of the rotation. And then by the time we put it up, it was like, I can't remember a goddamn thing about that episode right yeah yeah so there's a there's a lot of that stuff there's a lot of stuff but you know you've got to use your common sense and get out of the way of a story where one

of our friends goes to clown school well hey something that uh i'll jump on this quickly because we uh last week's episode fiona o'Loughlin and Tom Ballard. Not even divisive. Mostly popular episode. We thought it might be divisive. Couple of people not into it, but overall, generally speaking,

people really into it. Now, I'd forgotten we said this, but at the end of the episode, I was saying I would love to know a breakdown of how much Fiona talked in the episode compared to the rest of us. So literally, just before we started doing this, this email came through 45 minutes ago in real time.

Someone who works at, I won't name the company, but as far as I can tell, like an audio company that's like AI-based. So he's fed the episode into the system, and he's gotten some results for us. Oh, wow. So he sent me like a... What percentage of the episode made sense? Well, yeah. I don't have the exact number, but what he has sent me is a graphic.

If you can see that, that's broken down. That's the audio waveform. And then the orange bits are when each person's talking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that top one there where it's orange, that's when Fiona's talking. Yep. The one under that is you. And then under that's me, and then under that's Ballard. So on each individual bit when it's orange, that's when that person's talking.

Yeah. So as you can see, Fiona's percentage. There's no orange on Ballard's. That's weird. As you can see, Fiona, mostly orange. Just tons of it there. It's just an orange bar. Yeah.

We can whack this up on... I just thought that was a can of Fanta that had been knocked over. We can whack that up on the socials if people are interested to see it. Yes, very much so. Hey guys, you asked what percentage of the time Fiona talked for in the last episode. Turns out I can do that. Check out a graphical description of her talk time versus the rest of you. Here's a transcript

and all of the other machine learning generated content. Your podcast nearly broke our system. Obviously some of the transcription is going to be difficult with you all talking over each other and with some of the lesser common profanities, but the extended episode got one of the highest sensitivity ratings we've ever seen. Nice work.

So then he sent me a screenshot of like what's come back from the machine. A sensitive topic category has been identified with this content item. Hate speech and acts of aggression. Obscenity and profanity. Adult and explicit sexual content. Death, injury or military conflict.

Wow. I mean, I don't remember talking about any fucking... Yeah. There was 20 minutes where Fiona was talking about the Iran conflict. That's true. That was about it. That was about it. That might have been it.

The system automatically creates chapters as well. Some of the best are the perfect asexual float in the Mardi Gras. Right. You couldn't organise yourself in a wet dream. No buses are the worst form of transport. You're like the eye of the hurricane. The dogs can't smell anything on you.

Is everything okay? So that AI has had a hell of a time with that episode. So yeah, thanks for, I'm glad that riff about hoping that someone could do that for us paid off and that we have a listener that works in that exact field. Can we say hello to the first name of the person that did that? Yeah, shout them out. Thank you to Anton. Thanks, Anton.

Yeah. Thanks for not only getting in touch, but getting in touch right before we were doing this. It was great timing. Good timing. That was fun. So what are we doing? Oh, yeah.

Live shows. Live shows in Melbourne. Get on that. There's tickets left. There's time to go. All that sort of stuff. Voting for the best of. Oh, yes.

I think we'll still be open for maybe another day or so. A couple of days. Get in. Get in if you've got the time. If you're hearing this hot off the presses, there's a link on the socials. It's a little form where you can get on and vote for your favourite episode of 2022. And we will be doing our best of countdown in a couple of weeks. So, yeah.

Get in there. Make your vote count. Get on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. You'll find a link for that voting form. So get onto that and make history. Tommy Daslow, let's get into the guts of it. Let's do it. You can also find a link on our website to the Patreon,

patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. You can get on there. You can sign up. You can support on there. You can sign up. You can support the show. And you can get yourself a bonus little mini, well, two bonus mini episodes every goddamn week. That's right. If you really enjoyed the Fiona and Tom Ballard combination last week, there was a couple of bonus extended episodes of those that came out straight afterwards.

So if you thought we'd gone too far with those normal episodes, then we did even more. Yep. Another half hour worth of content from those two. So I got in a word or two. Yeah, exactly. We've got Ben Lomas coming up in the next batch. There's nearly, yeah, there's 260-something on there.

You get the whole back catalogue as soon as you sign up. Perfect timing. It's going to be Christmas. It's going to be not much happening between Christmas and New Year maybe. Maybe you're on there. You get the whole back catalogue as soon as you sign up. Perfect timing. It's going to be Christmas. It's going to be not much happening between Christmas and New Year maybe. Maybe you're on holidays. Got some road trips coming up. Yep. Maybe you're on the beach.

Yep. You don't want to listen to the cricket. Get onto this. Heaps of this. Heaps of bonus. Like little 2020 hit outs. That's it. Little 15, 20 minute episodes.

Lots of fun. And also, of course, you can be like these people. The Mount Rushmore of this episode. That's it. The back end of this episode. The names that are about to be read out and immortalized by the unplanned title alternator, the Patreon Hall of Fame. These listeners are about to have their names read out.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. First cap off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. First cap off the rank this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Lyndon Bronley. Jesus Christ. Lyndon. L-I-N-D-E-N. B-R-O-N-L-E-I-G-H. Yeah, this is a real head scratcher.

Is this made by the AI? Yeah, this sounds like it. Yeah, we could. I mean, they have like AI art and those kinds of programs get a big run on social media at the moment. So if they've got a thing that can do that, they must have one that can just make up a name. Make up a subscriber to the show.

Yeah, maybe we do a special AI episode of the Patreon read. Yeah, that's not a real person. We've got AI subscribers. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even AI things listen to us That's great That's cool

That's nice to know Lyndon Lyndon That's a boy's name? Yeah There's something about it That's giving boy To me

Yeah I mean I know Lyndal Female name But something about Lyndon You know Linda Linda Yeah a lot of the Lins They are classic

Lindsay can be both. But Lyndon, yeah, I'm getting boy. I'm getting straight up boy. You looking him up? You trying to find out? Yeah, I'm trying to find. Trying to find a gender? Just looking.

There's a boy and a girl in the profile pic. Not helping. Oh, damn. Not helping. Damn. You know, come on, guys. Oh, God. It's like the classic thing of being on the dating apps

and it's like a person's first pic is a group shot. And it's like, well, which one are you? No help at all here. There's literally no way of finding it. Really? There's only one picture. There's one picture. Oh, no, no, no, sorry.

Here we go. Boy. Cracked it. Cracked it because all there is is a profile picture. Then there's the cover photo. Oh, yeah. And the cover photo is just it because all there is is a profile picture. Then there's the cover photo. Oh, yeah. And the cover photo is just a sunset.

You can't help me in any way here. But then I go, oh, Lyndon Bronley updated his cover photo. I thought you were going to say just the photo of the sunset was the smoking gun. No. You were about to hypothesize that only a male would post a photo of a sunset on their social media. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's nice. I am.

That's a nice little cover pic. I once kissed a girl when I was at university because I was very drunk and I went up to a girl at the bar and I started calling her Linda and just made up that her name was Linda. Yep. And I started having a conversation with her, calling her Linda. And was she like protesting this? going like, that's not Linda? I don't remember at all. But what I do remember is saying it and being so ridiculous as to say it

and thinking this is just the dumbest thing I've ever done. But I was very drunk just thinking it was funny. And then she just like jumped me. I'm like, okay, well, I'll try that again. And did you? Just call someone Linda. Yeah. Is that how you met your wife?

My wife Linda, yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow, we finally said her name. Finally, because it ties into a yarn, we're allowed to say her name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, her name wasn't Linda originally, but we've just changed it. That's true.

It worked that night. I would love you to get into a scenario where you stumble. You have like the greatest piece of content of all time happens to you, but your wife and child's name are key to the story. There's no way of telling it without those details. Every second word in this story. I can't imagine what sort of story this would be, but like... It's the most watermarked story of all time.

You just can't get rid of... You like racking your brain. It's like you're saying about the delay in the Bangkok stuff. It's like this takes months because you're like, there has to be another way around it. There has to be a way of me telling this without putting their names in it. What if it was my mum in there? Yeah.

Nah, not as good. Nah, we had sex in the story, so that can't be it. Ah, yeah. Fuck it. Yeah, and then you just having to come in and be like, it's time to put an end to this bit, guys. Yeah. Because you know what?

I've got some content ready to go yeah if ever you're gonna abandon a bit it's you know it's got to be for this it's for a higher cause yeah yeah and then i just go right i've had to say a name so that means yeah we have to break up now yep that's it she belongs to the podcast she belongs to the listeners she's all yours boys yeah um well i i wish i I could kiss Lyndon Bronley or Linda Bronley. That would be great. You don't want to kiss Lyndon? Not as much.

You don't want to sit next to a beautiful sunset with him? Just start slopping away? No. I mean, look, he's clearly got a partner that he's in the profile pic with. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't want to be a homewrecker. No, that's it. That's the only reason.

If he was single, I'd be balls deep. Oh, yeah. Linda's not, you don't really hear of any Lindas around these days. It's kind of gone. It's an older name. Yeah, it's said it's time. It's said it's time in the sun. It helped Chando get a smooch.

Yeah. And that's it. Time to put it out to pasture. They retired it after that. No one wants that name. That's the apex of the name. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. If he's attracted to Lindas, let's not make any more Lindas. Yeah. Well, thanks, Linden. Thanks, Linda. I'll see you back at 21 Arms in Ballarat. Yep. Yep.

Yep. You ever been there? I've heard you talk about it before. I don't think I've ever been there. Is it still there? Would I have been there when I've been to Ballarat? I don't think so. I mean, I don't think I've ever been there. Is it still there? Would I have been there when I've been to Ballarat? I don't think so. I mean, I don't know.

But I would doubt it. It's one of those places I haven't been to since I was in uni. It was the big Ballarat nightclub. And I think it would be one of those places like when I go back to Mirabarra where everything's a little bit smaller. If I went into 21 Hours now, I'd be like, oh, is this the place I spent every single Thursday night for three years? Everything's a bit smaller and that applying to your 46, going up drunk, you're Linda. Will you kiss me?

Yeah, it's just not as good when you get older, is it? Everything's a bit different. Oh, the scotch and cokes aren't $5 anymore on Thursday nights. This is weird. Things have changed. Someone posted on, actually read a name out and then I $5 anymore on Thursday nights. This is weird. Things have changed. Someone posted on... Actually, read her name out and then I'll go into this. Well, thanks, Linda.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Kaz Sinclair. Kaz Sinclair. Yeah. I saw someone on... Do you reckon I could abbreviate my name? Could I get away with having my name as Kaz? Kaz Chandler. Short for Carl?

Yeah, sure. Kaz. Yeah, people would buy that. Yeah. Well, because what other shortenings does Carl have? He can't. Kaz Chandler. Short for Carl. Yeah, sure. Kaz. Yeah, people would buy that. Yeah. Well, because what other shortenings does Carl have? He can't. None. Nothing.

I reckon that's basically it. And people would do that. Kaz-er. Kaz. Don't go Kay. Don't go Kay. Yeah. My girlfriend was watching a bit of the Harry and Meghan Netflix thing the other day, and

it's so obnoxiously done. I hate it so much. Why? Oh, it's like it's them talkingnoxiously done. I hate it so much. Why? Oh, it's like it's just them talking about... Why, Mr Clarkson? It's just them talking about their love and it's like it's produced by them. Right. There's just something sickening about watching people...

Make a show about themselves. Make a show about themselves and how it's like the greatest love story of all time and it's like you're just two people in wealthy circles who just met you know what i mean it's not like a it's not really defying the odds in any way it's not like i was i was trekking on the other side of the world and i met this person random you know it's like yeah you're on a tv show yeah you you managed to meet a royal like yeah um and just it's like this twee music underneath as they just talk about how in love they are and it's like you made this it's psycho but also the fact that they call each other h and m it's just i've had to say oh yuck it's the worst it's a weird one and they like turn to each other

oh yeah weren't we h it's not they're bad nicknames you know and trying to be like we're the greatest couple of all time it's like there's zero imagination that's your nickname is just the letter yeah you suck yeah you both suck yeah i love top gear so yeah you can't game of thrones yeah yep you can't be you can't be k right uh you could be kaz if they were if they were sitting in this were sitting in this Netflix show calling each other Haz and Maz, I'd be like, okay, these guys rule. Okay. I'm on board.

Great couple. Put the tomatoes away. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Full respect for them leaving the Royals. Good stuff.

I get it. But, yeah, I mean, how many more shows about them that they've made do we need to see? Yeah, they're people I stay, all those stories I stay away from because I just, I'm like, I don't need to have an opinion about these people. I'm not interested. It really did show me the kind of like the difference in the last like year where that Oprah interview they did

was on during lockdown. And so it was like, all right, I'll watch this. Something new to chuck on. We're in the middle of lockdown. Anything that kind of came along in the midst of it was like all right i'll watch this something new to chuck on we're in the middle of lockdown anything that kind of came along in the midst of that was like like borat 2 coming out in the middle of lockdown was like oh thank god something fresh to focus on everyone's kind of interacting with it at the same time because we're all like locked inside yeah like i got really into watching the oprah thing i fully got swept up in the hype right and then now it's

like this netflix one being out it's like this Netflix one being out. It's like, why would I watch this? You know what I mean? It's just like the difference in... Right. I could be doing anything. Yeah. And I'm sitting here and watching Harry and Meghan.

Yeah. Has and mas. I'm still watching the same things I was in lockdown. Just the YouTube vlogs from Thailand. So nothing's changed. I may have amped it up a little bit. Yeah. There's been a bit of a shift of like, yeah, a couple of like Netflix reality dating shows

and my girlfriend being like, oh, there's a new season of that. Remember we loved that in lockdown? I'm like, I don't really want to go back to that place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't really want to tap into that side of my brain again. Yeah, sure. I want to leave it in the past.

Yeah. I want to go back to judging this. I think I haven't watched that new season, The White Lotus. Maybe for a tiny reason why. Yeah, maybe that's the tiny reason why. Oh, yeah. The first one was very locked down.

The first one was very locked down. Well, this one, I mean, because it's like different location, different stories, different actors, it does feel enough like it's a different show. Yeah, I've got to give it a go. Everyone's talking about it. I've just got to find time. Because it was a very show to watch with my wife. And now it's like a lot harder to find time to sit there

and watch an hour episode or something in a row. Yeah. Yeah. Great show. Check out The White Lotus if you're listening at home and you haven't. But who is this again? Cats. Cats.

Do you have something else you want to say? Oh, I was just going to say, I mean, we're so far away from it now, but in terms of the things being more... Well, just when you were younger. Someone posted online. I saw this on Twitter or something. It was like one of those full ads for like all the streets ice creams.

And it happened to be one from when I was like 10 or whatever. The right hitting zone. So it like nostalgia took me right back there. And you know, you'd be in the milk bar and they'd have the full poster of just literally every ice cream that streets happen to make at the moment.

Yeah. And you'd be like, Oh, the Ninja Turtles one. Where's that? And you know, the owner of your shit milk bar would be like, no,

we didn't get them in. We don't have them. But also just looking at the prices and being like, God damn, a paddle pop for 70 cents, a Magnum being the Lardy Dar for $2. Just like, what's a Magnum costing you now?

Like five something. It's in the servos. The top tier ones are now $5.50 in the servos. Fucking hell. Yeah. Especially Ram Time for me because the last couple of times I've been in Thailand, I have been going, you know what? I'm going to get an ice cream.

And they've got the Magnums and everything there over there. Less than two bucks fuck yeah god damn you get a real you get a real good ice cream over there

for under a dollar a really good one you can get you can get about a a really good 60 70 cent ice cream over there out of the server I know this is just

old people complaining about oh things cost more but there I always thought there was something so clean about the most expensive ice cream is $2 and that's the biggest currency of coin that exists. Yeah.

I just always liked that. It's just, it was always very neat. You know, if you had a bunch of change, you had one of those chunky $2 coins and just knowing like, this can get me a magnum. I just hand that over and then I get a magnum. And now it's like, yeah, you're fucking around with a note and some coins. Just something about it just seems, getting a note out for an ice cream, something about it just seems off to me.

It's coin food. What's worse is I did it at a survey not long ago. Got the five out. Oh, yeah, fair enough. That's where the world's headed. Cool, five. No, no, another 50 things. 550?

Exactly. Fuck, yeah. Having to use multiple different forms of currency. The coin and the note, yeah, no, another 50 things. 550? Fuck, no. Yeah, having to use multiple different forms of currency. The coin and the note, yeah, no good. Also, it's like, to me, it sort of felt like, you know, like I said, in Thailand, getting a really good ice cream for under, like, for about, for under a dollar, you'd get a good ice cream. Is this like the smokes over there? You know, is this some sort of government ice cream tax that they're whacking on the magnums over here? You know, like, the packs of smokes are up to 50 bucks over here.

Is that what's going on? How much of an ice cream excess are we paying? Yeah. There should be, whatever the Magnum costs, they make a coin that's that. The Magnum coin. The Magnum coin. So now we have a $5.50 coin. Well, it's like the Big Mac costs basically,

they have that whole theory of the Big Mac costs about the same all around the world. Oh, yeah, yeah. Why can't the Magnum be the same all around the world? The Magnum should be. Why can't we meet in the middle? Instead of having the $2 or under $2 in Thailand, you've got the $5.51 here. Can't we have a $3.51?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Can't we average it out? Yeah. That's so much. That's so much for an ice cream. $3.50. That's fine, exactly. Can't we average it out? Yeah. That's so much. That's so much for an ice cream. $3.50. That's fine for Magnum, I reckon. Yeah, with inflation, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it down to $3.50. Someone, please? Yeah. Work on it. Maybe Kaz can work on it. Yeah, Kaz. Kaz Sinclair.

Thanks, Kaz Sinclair. Thanks, Kazza. Thanks, Kay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Oliver Charlton. Okay. Yeah. All right. Now, that is an English-sounding name, don't you think?

Two very English words, I think, names there. Oliver and Charlton. Huge unrequited crush on a girl called Charlton. Really? Yep. When I was in year seven, I'm going to say. And yeah, really just besotted. Absolutely besotted.

What were the physical dynamics? What was so good about Ms. Charlton? Strawberry blonde, brunette. Strawberry blonde. Someone I'd been, someone I'd gone to primary school with and knew a little bit there and then kind of. And all of a sudden she'd filled out. Not even so much that.

Just became really good friends and then just like yeah i truly was like i i know this term is like such like an incel-y thing but for the time it was such like a purely like super friend-zoned just like really close to the hung out all the time and then was like just one day it dawning on me like i am in love with this person and just really like you know wanting to like manifest something happening there and just really like you know wanting to like manifest something happening there and her being like but we're such good friends all right you know just like fully all the like cliches of that yeah which is why i became so radicalized and why i'm now a co-host on this men's rights podcast yeah yeah yeah i was meaning to ask you

why why you were yep yep well that's a shame I'm sorry you lost the love of your life you're not yeah so yeah it's just hearing that surname it's

it's bringing up a lot of bad memories it's brought it all up yeah yeah sorry sorry to hear about that she's

I'm still friends with her on Facebook are you yeah yeah and she's now got like she's got a couple of kids right looks very happy. Yeah.

Very like, you know, beautiful picturesque family. And it's still in the back of my head. I think like, God. That's good about my kids.

I could have given you one of the worst lives imaginable. Yeah. Schlepping around to fucking gigs. You could have had a drum kit in your house.

Exactly. Yeah. So hey, maybe this. The one that got away yeah maybe this charlton guy is a uh maybe a relative maybe this is all ringing a bell he's like i remember my cousin at christmas lunch talking about this guy that would not fucking leave her alone yeah that's um i'm trying to think of uh yeah, I'd have plenty of them in bloody high school. Plenty of unrequited loves in high school. Don't worry about that. Yeah, it sort of seems like there's something wrong with you if you have nothing but, if you don't have nothing but unrequited loves.

Anyone who's like, yeah, anyone I had a crush on in high school, I fucked them. It was awesome. It's like, you've got to be, I just think it's like, yeah, anyone I had a crush on in high school, I fucked them. It was awesome. It's like, you've got to be. I just think it's like. You can't learn any lessons just being balls deep all the way through your life. I truly think it's like the two categories of people. You know what I mean? It's like everyone who had all their desires fulfilled romantically when they were in high school.

It's just turned out a different breed of person. Yeah. You know? It's like someone who's you know peaked in high school and was the captain of the sports team and yeah maybe yeah let us know if you're listening if you like if you absolutely cleaned up at high school you never had the experience of liking someone and then not liking you back yeah let us know if a that happened to you and b if life has been better or worse since then.

Yeah. If it's gone uphill or downhill. Did you get more action in high school than the rest of your life? Oof. I mean, I'm sure there's tons of them, yeah. Yeah. There'll be plenty of them. Yeah.

I mean, probably a lot of, like, high school sweetheart, settle down young, fuck around. Yeah. All hits the skids. Yeah. You know, now I'm like... Yeah, hit us up if your life is ruined and how did it happen? I guess that's what I'm asking. Just let us know if you've got a shit life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do know a couple that are married now that were going out in year seven or something. Oh, really? It's like, God almighty. Yeah, I'm trying to think. Do I know any high school sweethearts who are still together i don't think i do yeah you've got to be sus on it there's a weird one you've really got to be

sus on it well not only sus but you i reckon if you were either one of the parties you've got to be insecure going surely the other one's gonna at some stage go i wonder what the grass is like on the other side well it's like you like, you know, when you're a kid and yeah, you'd have like some form of heartbreak or whatever and someone older would go to you like, trust me, when you're older, you're not going to be worried about this. You feel everything more deeply when you're younger

and also like, you know, live your life. Like don't get together with someone when you're like 19, you know, have some experiences. But of course you don't. It doesn't register to you. But it is funny now. Yeah. Being mid thirties and like anyone you see that's like 20 and they're like, this is the love of my life.

I'm going to be with this person forever and just been like, I'm sure you think that's true, but yeah. Well, all of a sudden it's your son. I had a child with,'s true, but all right. Yeah. Well, Oliver Charlton is your son that you had a child with, with this woman who didn't like you. My mental son. Yes. My son. Yeah. My imagined son.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. This person. This is multiverse. This is my son from a multiverse where I ended up with that person. Yes. And you've named your kid Oliver. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. your kid Oliver. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. After Oliver Clark. Yeah. So everything about my life the same. Yes. I still do comedy. I know Oliver Clark.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Oliver. And your wife has taken a shine to Oliver and gone, yeah, why don't we name our kid after your friend?

Yeah, okay. And you've gone, hmm. It seems a bit sus to me. That was a bit weird. I wish this whole thing was unrequited after all. Yeah. I think something's going on because this baby has got a velvet jacket on and he's singing Elvis covers

and I don't know whether I should get a paternity test or not I was thinking about this the other day that like surely the worst thing about waiting longer in life to have kids is just the naming is harder because you have so many more people that you know bad experiences that you've had where it's like nearly every name you know what I mean if I had a kid when I was 20 it'd be like I would have plucked a name out of the ether. Yeah. You know, a name that I always liked. And now it's like even just if it's like a friend, it's like it feels it's like I can't really give my kid the same name as a friend.

That's bizarre. Well, that's why in the main guts of it, I was part of that story. I was sort of like, oh, it's weird. You know, the page turner. It's like, oh, but the dad just named it. I'm like, wow. the page turner. It's like, oh, but the dad just named it.

I'm like, wow. I mean, look, I get a fair go in our household, but I got absolutely no go with that one. I was nowhere near going close to naming our child. I brought up one or two names that was battered down immediately and told not to bother trying again. Yeah, okay. But, I mean mean i assume that you would have gotten like what we're talking about if if your wife had pitched you a name that was

like that's someone in comedy who i fucking hate yes you would have had grounds to be like i think it was a lot easier because we have a daughter i think it was a son yeah sure it would be harder i reckon yeah yeah the daughter daughter made it a bit easier, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I love little Fiona Chandler. I mean, can you put Blanket in there? Sorry, I let that out.

Can you just patch that in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, great, great, great. Awesome. Thanks, Oliver. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Sean Hurley. Okay. Yeah. Sean Hurley.

Sean Hurley. Any thoughts? S-E-A-N. What's Hurley? Hurley's like the skate. Sean Hurley. Sean Hurley. Any thoughts? S-E-A-N. What's Hurley? Hurley's like the skate brand, isn't it? Yeah. The name of a Weezer album. Oh, yeah.

Sean of the Dead. We've never done this before. Just like... Yeah. What are some things with both of those names? Yeah. Sean McAuliffe. This is S-E-A-N.

So it's more like Sean Penn. Okay, yeah. Sean Penn. Sean Aston. S-E-A-N so it's more like Sean Penn okay yeah Sean Aston mm-hmm mm-hmm um Sean Bean Sean Bean yeah

mm-hmm Sean Connery yep R.I.P. mm-hmm um that's it I was gonna say

Sean the Sheep but that's no that's S-H that's the other one yeah yeah I think that's I think that's all there is.

Oh, have you shown your kid Little Angel on Netflix? I tried the other day. The three-hour episodes of Little Angel? I tried the other day because I was like, no, my kid's not into it. She's little. She's three. She can't watch long stuff.

And I actually gave her it as the option. I was like, what about we try this one? She's like, no, no, no. No interest in Little Angel? No. Okay, interesting. Wouldn't pop it on. And then, because she knows how to use the iPad,

so she's sort of been shopping around and figuring out what she likes and stuff. But you know what she's been watching lately is the full SpongeBob movie. Oh, which, the first one? I think so, maybe. I think there's a couple of them. I've just been choosing that and watching the whole movie.

I'm like, wow, you're into the long formers. Yeah, okay, that's interesting. Yeah. I mean, that first Spongebob movie is awesome. It's funny. Yeah, right. It's a good movie. Well, she seems to like it.

Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. So has she ever watched any other SpongeBob content before? I don't think so.

So she's not an existing fan. She's just gone straight into the movie. Well, I'm now being edged out of what she's into because we used to go through it and look at it on the main TV. But now, really, we only have a bit of a look at Frozen every now and then on that. And the rest of it is like she just grabs the the ipad and i don't it's probably frowned upon but she gets a fair whack on the ipad and just chooses what she wants off netflix interesting and what do you oh that's what i was gonna say you've got like a i don't

know how netflix works in terms of you've got it locked off so she can only find yes smooth brain baby stuff she can't be like chucking on you know netflix kids that's what she's better call soul and shit like that okay that's good that's on net chucking on, you know. Netflix kids. That's what she's. Better Call Saul and shit like that. Okay. That's good. Well, that's on Netflix, man. Yeah. Well, you know, if you're in the UK.

Yes, it is. This is what Noxy was telling me. Because we were doing recaps of it on my other podcast. And that happened to be while he was in Edinburgh. So we were watching it every week, hot off the press. And he was like, fuck, it's giving me the shits. Because it's on Netflix here. But they on the thing, they're like a Netflix original.

It's like it's fucking not. It's not a Netflix original. Stolen valor. Yeah. Yeah, well. Yeah, I don't think Adam Knox needs any more problems. He doesn't need to create ones like that. But if you want to get angry with that, I guess you can.

Yeah. How did we get there? talking about kids tv shows i've done all my kids uh christmas shopping actually it's all done that's good it's all completely sorted it's good feeling good feeling when you get on top of it early not a feeling i have at the moment well i got shopping to do i mean uh uh uh wrapping wrapping oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. That's all I've got to do. I mean, that is a tough task, to be fair. Are you good at wrapping?

Or are you a... Anything I've ever wrapped for someone, I've given to them, and they're like, what the fuck have you done here? I'm like, I don't know, bunch it up at the end and just fucking whack some tape around it. Yeah, no, look average. Nothing special. But, you know, you've got to wrap them loosely

so the kid's got a chance to unwrap it. Yeah, that, average. Nothing special. But, you know, you've got to wrap them loosely so the kid's got a chance to unwrap it. Yeah, that's true. I had this afternoon penciled as my shopping day, but I've fucked up my foot. I can hardly walk on it. So I don't know how I'm going to go. What did you do? I've got, I think I've talked about this before. I've got an extra bone in my foot.

And every now and then it just like rubs together against my toe. And my foot gets all now and then it just like rubs together against my toe and my foot gets all fucked up and swollen and it's been a couple of days and it is not getting better and i think would be uh worsened by me hobbling around down to the shops to get my presents done you didn't do it all online or anything like that i've really fucked it this year you have pretty late i'm sorry to say this, but you have. You fucked it. Yep. But also, you know, there's something a bit exciting about that.

I do, there is a weird part of me that does like being in the shops like the day before and just the fucking mania. I've done this for ages. I used to do a drive out to Chadston at like, you know, they do like the 24 hour trading. Yep. Go out at midnight and just hang out. Just be like. I think you've got another one of them in you this year.

I think it's going to be happening. Yeah. I think it's going to be happening. Yeah, I think it's going to be happening. But my rule has always been you just go to experience the like... It's just funny to be at a shopping centre in the middle of the night. And I've always felt like, thank God I'm not actually engaging in this

because this looks like a nightmare. Is all the food open at that time of night? All the food court stuff open or not? They wouldn't be, I reckon. It's been so long since I've done it. You would think you may as well. I mean, if you're the manager of a place there, you're like, hey, we're staying. Maybe not all night, but maybe certainly a couple of hours later than you otherwise would.

You're still mixing up your bubble teas at 2 a.m. out there or not? Yeah. Are the movies still going? Yeah. Is bowling still not? Yeah. Are the movies still going? Yeah. Is bowling still open? Yeah. You still get a bit of char time at 3 in the morning? Yeah.

Catch a 3.30am screening of Avatar 2. Come out at 7 as the sun's coming up. Yeah. Not bad. Well, I was telling you before, I've done my shopping including, we talked about this last week on Talking The Dum Dum on TDD. Got your bike. Got the bike.

You offered to assemble it. It was a lot easier for me to stay on my side of town. I had to go into Kmart anyway to get some other stuff. I brought the big package in, got them to, you know, paid for them to assemble it, come back when I get the message, went back in there, wasn't thinking, bought a few other items, went through the self scanner bought the bike again great scanned it again and then clicked and went hang on already i i ordered this online i paid for it already then i had to say to someone um how do i fix this because i already bought it and they're like it's like fair enough

i'm explaining it like the most fucked in the head person ever. Why would I possibly have bought this twice? Not a thing that happens every now and then. No, no, probably has never happened. Probably the first time in Kmart history. Yes. Yeah. So I've had to go back in and explain and go, can I have my money back because I bought a thing that I own?

And they're like, okay, all right. It's like, well, this can't be a scam. You'd like to think that a scam would make slightly more sense. Oh, don't worry. I was thinking, I was like, could you do this as a scam? Because this feels like a scam. Well, that's like when I got my identity stolen and someone took out a loan with the bank under my name. And then I had to call up the bank and go, this wasn't me.

I was like, this just feels so weird. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, I wonder if anyone's ever tried that. Yeah. I got scammed. I did cancel my credit card the other day. I got scammed.

Really? Yeah. How so? Online or? Yeah. I just used my bank account to sign me up for something that appeared to be Amazon Prime, which wasn't. Oh, you know what that is?

This is the new, this is the modern having a fall in the shower. Right. You know, it's like... What do you mean? You know, it's like, it's truly like a, and I'm sure this will happen to me at some point too, but like being an age where you're getting fooled by an online scam. Oh no,

I wasn't fooled. What do you mean? I like somehow I got, you know, had access to, they had access to the card. Oh, that's what tipped you off.

Yes. Cause it came up on my bill as Amazon prime. I'm like, I don't subscribe to Amazon prime. Sure. Okay. I thought you meant you got an email and it was like, subscribe to Amazon prime here.

Cause that I think is like as scams evolve and as you get a bit older and technology kind of leaves you behind. You know what I mean? It's like my parents fell for a fucking, what was it? It was like a, oh, you haven't paid your e-tag bill.

And so they got scammed by that. And obviously they're in that bracket where it's like fucking constant for them of not knowing what to believe. Oh, they're getting better. I can see myself something come up and be like, all right. Yeah. But that's what I mean.

It's like the modern equivalent of the, I had a fall in a shower. It's like, huh, I guess I'm getting older. I fell for an online scam. Yeah. Beginning of the end. Yep. Um, no, no, it was, uh, no, I very luckily, um luckily saw it on the day and went, oh, I've got to fucking cancel everything.

Good, all right, whatever. But yeah, it was funny because it was like Amazon Prime. I'm like, how dare you? I don't fucking sign up to that shit. It's the worst one. It really is the worst one. Yeah. So, but then I'm like, my senses are heightened.

So then like two days later, I get another one. I'm like, oh my God, this is my other credit card. Fuck it. So I ring up to complain. Yeah. And it's like, now I've, I get another one. I'm like, oh my God, this is my other credit card. Fuck it. So they ring up to complain. And it's like, now I've got to cancel this one. Fuck, I'm having a bad run. And it's like, what's this fucking thing? And I'm like going off and they're like, it seems to be like a hotel you've booked.

I'm like, oh yeah, that was me. It is so, it's so stressful because it's like the scams are everywhere, but also there's so many fucking places that you go that they're like, their name that comes up on your bank statement is some just bullshit, some other thing. So I, yeah, I'm not as diligent about going through and just like checking my bank records as I should be because it's like,

it's exactly that. It's like hours of me sitting there being like, this is a fucking scam and this is a fucking scam. And then, and then like Googling and it's like, Oh no, that's a coffee that you got. Like, it's like hours of me sitting there being like, this is a fucking scam and this is a fucking scam. And then like Googling and it's like, oh no, that's a coffee that you got. Like, it's like, why can't it just be the name of the fuck, the actual name of the thing instead of some bullshit third fucking different unrelated thing? Yeah.

Yep. Well, thank you. Who's this? Sean Hurley. Thank you, Hurley. Well, I, you know what I did as well on top of that was I spent half an hour in Woolworths the other day because I went to buy something, but I wanted it on a certain credit card so I could just keep it clean, all my accounts clean or whatever.

And then the girl behind the counter went, oh, okay, I've made a mistake. I've put it on this other thing. I'll take it off. I'll do this, whatever. Cool. And then she absolutely didn't take it off the right thing. And I'm like, okay, can you just clean it up so it's not like that? And then that turned into like a half hour thing.

I was sitting there and it's just banks of shoppers building up behind me and they're going yeah we we work at woolworths we don't know how to fix this yeah we're not the bank area managers being rung up i'm 13 yeah yeah all that sort of stuff and i'm like i get it i'm not angry or anything but if you could just fix it yeah i'm going yeah we're trying we just don't i mean we know how to we barely know how to scan bananas because they don't have barcodes on them. Yeah. We've got to figure out, are these lady fingers or are these regular bananas? Like, what's the difference?

I, which, which super, it might be Woolies that has the thing where when you put produce on the scale, it like can tell what color it is. Oh. So it brings up like a suggested. Right. Apples, grapes. Yep. And it's like. Oh, wow wow i haven't copped that one fuck they're really getting smarter yeah so anyway that was that was one day where i spent a lot

of fucking you know that do you ever have that thing where it's like i'll write out a to-do list and go right i've got all this stuff to do and then it's like then something all that happens and you just you just get that glimpse of the next hour or two of your life yep ah fucked here this has blown everything out the fucking window because i'm gonna be sitting here preventing people from buying grapes for half an hour yeah that feels like most of my life like why is this taking so long yeah anyway yeah yeah anyway point is christmas presents are done for blanket she's got fucking heaps coming to her that's cool so i said to her she doesn't listen to this yeah well I haven't named anything I haven't said

Oh yeah that's true Although No you've named the bike Yeah sorry yeah sorry And also Monday is the day that My Wife's

Parents Get to see Blanket Hang out with her all day Boxing day Huh? Oh no you just mean mondays in general just right sure yeah yeah so um went over there the other day to drop her off and uh started talking about christmas whatever and then my mother-in-law starts going oh yeah god and you know it's good

for her to be at this age and you know she's right in front of us could do at this age i mean it's good now because i mean i remember the worst day of my life was when i found out santa wasn't real i'm like no don't say this stuff and she's like nah she doesn't care i'm like she's listening she this is an age where you yeah yeah yeah she might not respond in the moment but then it'll be like 24 hours later Yeah Fuck You'll say something Like all of a sudden she'll come up and say What's Abercrombie and Fitch?

And you go Well fuck you picked that up from fucking Chadston last night Yeah yeah yeah Don't say that stuff like that Oh man You get fired from Breakfast Radio for saying that Totally And you know you're putting

You know she's in childcare You're putting her in there. You're sending a grenade in because you know, she might not be saying it to you, but like going around to all the other kids all of a sudden,

you've got a, you've got a revolutionary on your hands. Also, sorry to everyone that's playing this in the car. I mean, good on you for playing

something where we've been saying cunt for half an hour. Bigger fish to fry. I mean, there's bigger problems going on than just the existence of Santa Claus. Yeah. Yeah.

So, anyway, thanks, Sean Hurley. Well, final one. Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber. Oh, to the realest subscriber there's ever been, Santa Comedy. Oh, yeah. Thank you very much. We do, because normally the fifth one is like made up. It's fake.

It doesn't exist. But this is like the first one we've ever gotten that's like a genuine, bona fide, real person. This is someone, this is their, we've just been visited by Santa. Although I will say. This is our present, we're getting a subscription. I will say, how does he subscribe to every Patreon account on earth on the same night? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Well, I leave cookies out for him. I mean, the cookies on the laptop, obviously. Oh, right. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Well, I leave cookies out for him. I mean, the cookies on the laptop, obviously. Oh, right. Oh, I leave... He accepts all. I leave a bonus episode out for him, and then he comes down. That's funny.

Leaving cookie, he accepts all cookies. That's funny. Yeah. That's comedy. Yeah, that could be on a certain sketch show that we were talking about on a bonus episode just before. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, that could be on a certain sketch show that we were talking about on a bonus episode just before. Yeah, yeah. All right, well, thanks, Santa Comedy, and thanks, everyone, for listening.

And Merry Christmas to everyone. Merry Christmas and happy holidays, whatever you celebrate. We'll see you next week. See you, mates.