The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 643 - Nina Oyama & Greg Larsen

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

Get ready to spin around in your chairs this week with GREG LARSEN and NINA OYAMA! Greg's been mistaken for one of the hottest men on Earth, Nina edges us with a story about poison, Karl's overheard some brutal shop banter and Tommy's been to the neurologist. But none of that matters because over the course of the episode, we stumble across a concept for the greatest TV reality show of all time. So strap in and get in on the ground floor of the show that will change television forever! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Greg Larson and Nina Oyama. If you want to see us do this podcast live, you can if you're in Adelaide, March the 11th. And then if you are in Melbourne, Saturdays, April 2. One. One. Eight. Eight. Fifteen.

Fifteen. Twenty-two. Twenty-two. The supplementaries are... LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to all of them. You can also, while you're there, find a link to our Patreon where you can support the show and get some bonus episodes every week. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb,

but until then, enjoy this great new episode with guests Greg Larson and Nina Oyama. Hey, mates. Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. And joining us today we have two great guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Nina Royama and Greg Larson. Hello. Good evening.

Gaggy. Hello. Hello. How are you? Fine, this is Gaggy. My name's Daniel Blobbington. Oh, no, someone's been on a sketch comedy show for too long. Give us all the scripts that didn't make it in Greg

give us the B reel you might not have anything on but you are you just filmed a whole season of a sketch TV show which is why

you cannot get out of character I don't think I did an English character the whole time and I just kept going can I do an Englishman and they were like

nah you can't I said please don't make me big fucked man forman? And they're like, nah, you can't. Like they just, I said like, please don't make me big fucked man for every sketch. And they were like, oh, we probably will. There was that guy,

I forget the actor's name, but one of the guys on Full Frontal, the bald fat guy who just every sketch was like, look at this hideous cunt. It's like,

that guy's life is so rough. That's me and we interrupt this broadcast. I think, I don't know if we've talked about it on the show, but we had Dave O'Neill on the show. He was like, he played a character like that once or a couple of times because there was certain times where that guy was like, I can't do it anymore.

I can't be the big fat fucking idiot that's got no brains. There's like a bench full of big fat fucking idiots that are going to tap out and tap back in. There was one sketch where I played Thor. Okay. Okay. Typecast. That's an interesting choice.

That's not who I would have called. I don't know who everyone was. Sorry, but like you? Out of all the people? That really, like, was no one else available that day? I know they're bringing extras for someone. Where's the premise of the sketch?

I had a beard. That Thor is like a big... I had a beard. I had a beard. Is that worth it? Hang on, was he the God of Thunder or the God of... There was that...

Or the God of Gravy. There was a whole line where Thor got fat. Well, there was in that last movie. Yeah. And also, I remember saying that to Henry, and he said, Thor in the movie or Thor in the game God of War? Yeah. Because he's chunky in the video game.

Tommy gets that. Tommy gets that joke. Oh, right. Oh, I don't get that joke because I'm not a fucking nerd. High five, man. High five. But no, but here's the thing, right? Because I'm playing Thor and I'm in a big red cloak.

I've got a hammer. We're filming in Sydney on this like cliff, basically. And between me and like there's like a footpath, there's like, you know, a good 20 to 50 metres, tons of crew, cameras, lights, all this kind of stuff. And there's props around and people. And I'm in the, you know, I'm 20 to 50 metres, tons of crew, cameras, lights, all this kind of stuff and there's props around and people. And I'm in a big costume. Yeah.

And I've got the wig on and everything and I'm holding the hammer. And then I look up and there's maybe 200 people filming with their phones and taking photos and they were legitimately asking crew that were walking around, like, is that Chris Hemsworth? Hang on, hang on. How far away were these people? I told that to my dad and he's like,

do they know who Chris Hemsworth is? Have they seen pictures of Chris Hemsworth and were they looking at you? You can understand it was really far away. Chris Hemsworth in lockdown. He could have been wearing a fat suit. There was a thing in anyway. Exactly.

That could be the plot of the next Thor. It literally is in the last Thor that he gets the whole thing. That he's fat. Yeah, yeah. That he like, yeah, he like, yeah. And his body like erodes over time. Then you see it back into shape to save the world. Oh, a little training montage of Thor hitting the gym. Yeah, and his body erodes over time, then you see it back into shape to save the world. Oh, a little training montage of Thor hitting the gym.

Yeah, there is. Thank you. God, now I'm validating Marvel films? Yeah. Who's the fucking nerd? What? Three minutes ago. I'm actually into high fantasy, all right?

I am now the only non-nerd. The guy in the gaming chair thinks you're a loser. Wow. This is the low point. It was actually for research because I was working on a superhero show. Well, Nina, you do. You were telling us off air. You do.

You've got a bit of TV stuff coming up. Can we skirt around this? You're about to leave here and go and work on a show, and it's a very famous show that we're not allowed to name. Yes, it is. Tell us when we go too far. It's a very famous show that everyone will know, and a lot of it will be outside, I would imagine.

Yes, some of it's at a beach. I'm not on the beach, though. Oh, okay. Some of it's sort of here and some of it's somewhere else, let's say. Good lord. My one request, let's not call back to this conversation

in the rest of the episode. Okay, okay. But when I get the text from Nina when she leaves being like, cut all that out. Right, right, right. Yeah, I've broken my NDA.

I'm a whistleblower for like... I'm only on it for like two days of shooting. Right. So it's not same as interrupt this broadcast or whatever that show is called that oh yeah you were on that yeah i wasn't on

that episode i think no i was i think greg was supposed to be in it but then you got a stomach problem yeah i had i had stomach i was throwing up blood yeah and i was really excited to see you yeah i was as well i thought it was gonna be really cool really cool. There's a sketch coming out that you were in with the... The Jou. The Jou. That came up real good. As in food, not like... Yeah, Jou.

Right. It's not like... J-U-S. J-U-S. Jou. I like that you've turned up to the set of this sketch comedy show. Can I see Thor? No, he's got a sore tummy.

Yeah. Sorry. Well, I think I can say what i play i play one character on that show which is melissa leung i think yeah yeah which was funny oh i don't know what she but what about what character do you play on this other famous tv show what do you wow i don't i kind of want you to have a guess oh really because it's not far cry from what I do and who I am. Oh, massive fuckhead. Yes. No. Massive fuckhead. Big nerd.

Nerd. Idiot. Wow. Marvel Stan. I just set myself up for failure. Giant poo emoji. Yeah, that's me. No, actually play Thor.

Really cool. So you're not doing much outdoors work in the show? No, I'm shooting indoors. You're shooting indoors? In the inner west, which is where I live. Okay. You come in. Yeah, I come in.

There's a girlie who's in a straight relationship, a hetero relationship. And she meets you and she's like, yeah. I'm a bit confused now. I'm a bit confused. Wow. Is this it? I love this. I'm going to confused now. I'm a bit confused. Wow. Is this it? I love this.

I'm going to take that as a compliment because the role is so much smaller. I'm not hot enough to be like a person that steals a girl away on this show. Are you kidding? I have like three lines. Okay. All right. Wow, you do it in three lines. Yeah.

What's your name? Wanna fuck me? Cool. It's like Austin Bowers. Her name's Wanna. Wanna fuck me. They're not even trying anymore. It's German.

I'm a German backpacker. I'm down by the bay. Okay, so three lines, so you're not that. Oh, no, I have more than three lines. Can we guess the three lines? No, no. Oh, no. I have more than three lines. Can we guess the three lines? No, no. Well, no, I have more than three lines. I'm actually in like a few things, but I'm not like an important.

Are you playing yourself? No, I'm playing like a version of myself, I'd say. Oh, right. That does a certain activity. Oh, stand up? A comedian of some kind? Yes, sort of. Yes.

Sort of? So I'm like kind? Yes, sort of. Yes. Sort of? So I'm like an MC, a master of ceremony. Okay, right. I think that's about as much as I can give away, but it's a lot of, please, welcome to the stage. Oh, my God. At the Ramsey Street Comedy Hut. You're insane down there.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I'm crushing. I'm crushing. Wow. Nina's just doing a gig at an RSL that's just where they film this show. And she's like, I'm on the show. It's awesome. No, my character's got a first name and a last name.

I can't tell you what it is. I presume it's a TV show. I saw cameras. That's CCTV. Yeah, exactly. Security cameras, Nina. That's not a show. They're there because I've been like stealing shit from the minibar.

They paid me 50 bucks in a handshake. It's brilliant how showbiz works. I would have thought I had to invoice. But fuck, it's a good handshake they do down at the RSL. Yeah, yeah,hake. It's brilliant how showbiz works. I would have thought I had to invoice. But fuck, it's a good handshake they do down at the RSL. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice and tight. It's firm but not aggressive. Well, you were saying before the show, you know, you come in, you go,

have I got to prepare anything for this? And we're like, oh, we don't expect anyone to, you know, whatever. And then you're like, then you bring up this dot point. Did I tell you when I poisoned someone? We're like, no, you know, thank you. No, that's not, firstly that's not how when I said,

do I need to prepare any stories? And you're like, please tell me a Tales 3. Well, my joke was, three Tales to cross this bridge

to be on this podcast. Well, people come on the show and they entertain us thrice. And before the show people will say, oh, were we supposed

to bring anything in the night? So yes, but you're supposed to have three points of content and then you just see people's face go

fuck off I've seen you do that probably hundreds of times at this point and I don't think a single person has ever realised that it's a joke

I feel like everyone every single person I've ever seen on the other end of that has taken it at face value and had this look on their face like oh Jesus Christ

it's not the craziest thing in the world that's like you know you're on a podcast you're saying you need three stories yeah and they can be about anything it's not like you know some things that you do you're like you need to have three things that are about this specific topic

and it's like fucking hell I don't even have one it's like if you rock up to a gig and you're like, how long do I have? Oh, seven minutes. Haha, I was only kidding. You have eight minutes. Greg, you've had British person,

you've had stomach bug and you've had Thor. So you're in overtime now. You're done. You've hit your three. You've hit your quarter of three. Get the fuck out of my house. I didn't really go into detail

into the stomach thing though. It doesn't matter. of three. Get the fuck out of my house. I didn't really go into detail into the stomach thing, though. That was fine. I just said the words, I was throwing up blood. There's no resolution to that. I wouldn't have counted that, to be honest, Tommy. You're an easy marker. But we also don't, we never say, you never say to people, you have to have three good things.

You just say, bring up literally three things of anything. Well, I was trying to figure out if you're talking about characters that Greg was doing or just, because I thought you were like, you've had British person, Thor, and Stomach Bug, and I was like,

what's the Stomach Bug character? What does Stomach Bug sound like? Hello, I'm Stomach Bug. I'm going to go. I love this. You were deprived of English characters

on your show and now every character from the rest of your life is English. Well, I'm hoping given that we heard earlier about Greg's stomach problems and Nina's got a story

about poisoning someone. I'm hoping that these two coming up later on Dumb Dumb Club. It was Greg. I poisoned Greg and that's why he has a stomach problem.

Oh, perfect. That was going to be the reveal. Doctor's appointments trying to find out what's wrong and they can't give me the answer

and I've been crying and crying every time. Turns out I'm bi-curious because I met this new character on a popular TV show. This hot new comedian down on Ramsey Street. So, okay, so that's the bullet point that we got given. That you poisoned someone. I didn't do it intentionally.

Wait, let's go back to the beginning. All right. so i've been working on the show called koala man which i can now talk about because finally out yeah animated show an animated show by michael kusak who does ziggy butt brain um who i saw uh a friend of the show nazim hussein two nights ago wearing a koala man t-shirt now i in my head he's renowned for he loves getting on instagram going you gotta buy this new book by my friend nina uyama whoever um oh it's such a great book and i'm like every time i message and go have you read the book and he goes absolutely not i've never read any of these books he promotes everyone's stuff so he rocks up the other night he's wearing the koala man shirt and i go have you seen this show he goes absolutely not i'm just wearing it and he goes to be fair i

am in it though yeah so he's seen a little bit of it I was like well what's worse promoting like a book that you haven't seen but haven't read by going I've never read it or walking around

wearing a shirt of a show that you're on I mean yeah that is one step away from wearing your own merch yeah I kind of like it though

I'm like free promo for my show yeah sure thanks Nazeem so did they send him the shirt as like a thank you did he get like

a swag box of koala man stuff? I got a swag box. I'm also in the show as well. Yeah, my character's called Little Nina. Okay. It looks like me. The reason she exists is because I told my showrunner that I used to play bassoon, but I had to start at age 12

because if you start beforehand, like bassoons are really heavy. So if you start before the age of 12, you like bones grow all fucked up and weird. And you stay really small. So they made a character called Little Nina, who's really, really tiny, because her growth is stunted from playing the bassoon too. Oh, my God.

Imagine having like a six-year-old and you just, for whatever reason, you catch them with the bassoon. No, no, I've told you to stay away from this. But you've just, as you've walked into the room, it's like the best bassoon playing you've ever heard. And then as a parent, you're like, this kid could be a prodigy, but I am going to be severely fucking up their development by encouraging this.

This is the best and only bassoon playing I've ever heard. Also, sign of a great actor, you've now talked about two roles where they've just gone just it's just you it's just you we're not gonna like make you stretch or anything just you I'll tell you something

funny about Little Nina though was that I had to do like I had to do the voice recording but then later they were like oh yeah there's a bit where you

I'll just say what can I say what happens on the show basically my character gets eaten by like a wiggle sort of you're worried that there's gonna be people that are angry

about spoilers of Koala Man. Yeah! The cartoon on Disney+. Yeah, the theme, for example. We haven't watched it yet. I'll get Naz to listen to this podcast so he doesn't have to watch the show. Can I just interrupt and say,

your dog is really, really eating this mat so hardcore. And you know what the best bit is? It's a rug that looks like him. It's got a little dog. Your dog is a rug muncher. Me and your dog both. Daddy's little angel. Like father, like son.

He's been, you shouldn't let him in the bedroom at night. He's been watching. Good boy. He's been watching. We don't have a doggy flat. We've just got a little peephole for him. Watch and learn, son. What, are you charging him two bones?

That's weird. Yeah, look, there's nothing we can do about that. Make a little show about him called Growling Him Out. Yes. What's your, give us your, what's the voice you're doing for your character? For my character? I can't remember, but... Hello!

I'm Little Nina! I'm Little Nina! I'm Little Nina! I'm Little Nina! I've got a big bassoon and a little crumpled body. It's fucked up me bones. My bones are all fused together but i'm a musical project so you're what your character gets eaten by a wiggle yeah the purpose

is like the wiggles um they eat kids that are really musical and that's how they retain their youth and their musical ability right so my guy just like the love interest for the main little boy like the bart sim character. Do you have to clear that with the Wiggles? Oh no, they're called the Tigglies. But they're like clearly the Wiggles. Like they've got the skivvies. That's almost more insulting

to them than just straight up using the name. If they watch that and be like, we're not stupid. We know this is us. I love the Tigglies though because they've got an offside character called Uncle Bumpy who's like leather face and he's like oh i'm uncle bumpy i might watch this show yeah there's like a character that is tortured by like left in a cell aaron chen plays this character i'm called dennis and he's like tortured by uncle bumpy for thousands of years and it's really funny anyway okay so poisoning poisoning yeah no no yeah we're Funny. Anyway. Okay. So poisoning. Poisoning.

Yeah. No, no. Yeah. We're starting at the beginning. I want to hear about the poisoning. No, I was going to say when I was voicing little Nina, I did the animated voice and then they were like, they had to make me go back in because apparently my scream when I got eaten by the wiggle was too long and they needed to have me come back in and do shorter screams so i can fit the animation that's a tough phone call for someone in there to have to make yeah your screams are too long

but it meant i had to like drive like an hour across the bridge in sydney to their recording studio and just for three minutes be like is that long enough? They're like, no, it's not. Just doing that for like 30 seconds. Yeah, I don't think that was for the show. I don't think that was for the show at all. No, it didn't make it in. They ended up using a longer scream. That tape's out there somewhere. If you're being eaten, you could just cut the scream off though.

Yeah. Speed it up. Yeah, speed it up. No one's just cut the scream off, though. Yeah. Just because, like, at some point... Speed it up. Yeah, speed it up. No one's gone... That scream's too fast. Just, you know, condense it. Yeah, speed it up. Dan, we need you to do a shorter doll.

It's just not fitting the role we've got of Homer. We need you to drive out here, lay another one down. Do you reckon he's ever doing fresh ones? Do you reckon that it's coming up in the script and he's just like, you've got about 900 of these on file. Just chuck one of them in. Yeah, I reckon it's control C, the script and he's just like you've got about 900 of these on file just chuck one of them in I reckon it's control C control B yes

absolutely they've got enough dialogue from every Simpsons actor that surely they could just patch it together just looking at the script and being like I know for a fact I've said all those words before in this show I'm not coming in

not that I'm watching a lot of episodes of the new ones or anything like that but I do tend to whenever I hear the voices now I go this person's 65 years old oh yeah and you can tell you're starting to hear

the timbre of the voice erode yeah body's sounding rough but no one's been poisoned yet on this episode oh yeah

fuck sorry tell us the poisoning it's about the journey man yeah yeah I'd say it's about the poisoning I'd say it's about who got poisoned

how bullet points I forgot what the destination was and you're right I'm fucking edging you that's my point I'm edging you on

the climax yeah god the dog's munching the rug we're not getting the poison I'm fucking tearing this rug

oh god alright well before you know what alright I'll continue I'll wedge a little story in here first oh another detour. We're stopping off the pages.

Oh, no. I just want the poison. Greg's so close. I was in a shop the other day, and I haven't told something similar to this, but this happened again or slightly differently, but I was in a shop the other day. Now, in hindsight, I've realised what has happened.

You piece the story together, but what's happened is I'm in a shop not that long after it's opened and it's a shop where it's probably got about five people that work in there so it's enough for there to be a bit of a culture within the five people or whatever it is. Okay, are we guessing the shop? Where is this shop? I regret bringing up edging.

This is like... You're in a shop, there's a culture... This is like a cold shower on the edging situation. There's five people and they're sort of talking. Maybe that's our new theme for this show.

You have to have your three stories but you have to tell them in the most annoying way possible. This is like some impro words like, now talk about the shop. Give us a sexy bullet point and then spend forever getting to that.

You bring a story but we have to guess what happens in it. From one word. Mad Libs podcast. So I'm in the shop. There's four people working there. So there's five people in total, but there's four people working there?

Yes. Or is there five people including you? So we're in there a bit after the shop's open. Okay. So there's four people working. A fifth person walks in. Is that you? No. No, a fifth worker. So you A fifth person walks in Is that you? No

No, a fifth worker So this is So you're not including yourself in the overall town No, no, no You're a civilian See, now you're making this story fucking longer than it needs to be I'm so confused Please let him tell it

Just let him get it done Let him get it done Greg just wants to get to the poison He doesn't He's fast forwarding the story The poisoning is not that good as poisoning story Maybe it is, I don't know This story's not that good either So that's good Yeah The poisoning is not that good a poisoning story. Well, that's good. Maybe it is.

I don't know. This story's not that good either, so that's good. Yeah, I'm getting that vibe from the story. Because you're spending so many times counting the people in the shop. Well, you're the one counting them, to be fair. That's true. That's my bad. Sorry.

No, so in hindsight, I realise that this is what's happening. There's a bunch of people working there. They all know each other, whatever. I'm the only customer in the shop. And what's happened in hindsight is this fifth person who's walked in also works in the shop but he's obviously running late and they've all you know been comfortable enough with him to hang shit on him for being so late but what's actually happened that's that's obviously the setup in hindsight but what's actually happened is i've walked into the shop gone up to the desk, and someone's just yelled out, ah, 9-11, how good's this?

Which in isolation is an interesting sentence, but what it actually means is it's 9-11 a.m. He's 11 minutes late. He's 11 minutes late, and he's like, look at this, guys. How good is this? And it's like, yeah, but just on the surface, 9-11, how good is it? It's sort of a weird statement. But then there's no one else in the store to really react to this.

No, no, no. I'm just sitting there going, what the fuck? And then tick, tick, tick, tick. I think I'll... Unlike you guys, I'm working out the story from that. Yeah. From that, yeah. I had...

Sorry, can I just stop? So that's the story? Yes. That's the end of the story. And no one got poisoned. No, no, no. That's another story. Okay. That's yet to come the story. And no one got poisoned. No, no, no. That's another story. Okay.

That's yet to come, I believe. Do we want another detour? That story was my 9-11. You know what I mean? Yeah. A second bad story

has hit the building. No, that's the first one. That's the first one. That's the first one. I don't know if I can take it. I'll tell the poisoning story. I'm like a firefighter in the basement.

It's coming down. I can't take another one of those. Sorry, let me start again. I'll get into the poisoning story. Let me start again. I walk into a shop. Hey, now we've got a story. Now we've got a fucking story.

Now we've got a funny story. We've got a rich character. It's not up there with I have a sore tummy. Sorry. Tesco's. Someone do up that meme where it's not up there with I have a sore tummy. Sorry. Please don't tell me a no. Someone do up that meme where it's like the guy whispering in George Bush's ear, but the text is like, I was in a shop the other day. And there was sort of a culture around the four people in the shop.

I was the only customer. It's just like, oh, no, I'm grizzled. I feel like I aged like 20 years from just boredom. Hey, speaking of stomach problems and stuff, I've got, hey, I've got a, speaking of stomach problems and stuff, I've got a medical story. I had to go with my dad to a doctor's appointment recently. Did you get poisoned in this story?

I didn't get poisoned. Well, there's some, like my dad had this thing happen and it turns out he's fine, but there was a bit of concern. This was at the end of last year around his brain. It's very stressful stuff. And I had to go with him to a neurologist. He was like, can you please come with me? I'm kind of scared about what's potentially going to happen in this session. So I go with him and he had this incident

happen and he's like describing the incident to the doctor and the doctor goes to me, so were you there? And I'm like, no. And he's like, right, so you didn't see this happen. And I'm like, no. And he goes, why are you here then? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm here to support my elderly dad. And so then he goes, well, your mum was there, right? Can you get her on the phone so that I can, like, discuss this with her, get a firsthand thing?

So I go, okay. So I call my mum and I have her on speaker like on the desk like in between all of us and the doctor's kind of like talking to her but he's also kind of like looking at my phone and I have this thing

I have a group chat with two friends two female friends and we do this thing that's a game that's basically called who would you fuck and it's essentially

someone can sound the alarm at any time of the day just ask us who would you fuck and you just have to answer top of the day. Just ask us, who would you fuck? And you just have to answer top of the dome. Could be anyone. Just last person you thought was hot.

Oh, right. I was going to say, how open-ended is this game? It can be famous person or it can just be like, boy, someone on the tram before really got me going. When you say a group chat with female friends, is it just a group chat where you keep asking them, would you fuck me? And it's just you and another guy always. Yeah. Would you? Well, anyway, so it's like...

Tommy Derslow or Tom Olson? Threesome. So it's me in this neurologist's office and he's like, basically talking about like, my dad might have dementia. Right. And then just on the screen

on my phone, big ding, notification comes up. Who would you fuck? Right. Great. And I just see him clock it and then just kind of like look at me and i'm like i was about to go like oh just while you're there just send back to your leaper i guess probably where i'm at my brain fucking eroding and you looked at the doctor and you're like how good's 9-11 see that's that's who i'd. That's who I'd fuck. That's good. 9-11. Which of the Twin Towers was the hot one?

Another threesome. Yeah. Both Tower 1 because you know it goes down. Oh, yeah. All right. Are we ready for someone

to get the poison? All right, we're ready for poisoning. Well, now it's not going to be that good. So basically, when we were writing on Koala Man. We just told two shit stories.

Yeah, that's true. We did that for you. I appreciate it. Did you or did you just run out of things to say? Greg's here judging all the stories. Yeah, I know. Let's see what he thinks of this one. I'll name my top three in order.

I'll give the gold, the silver and the bronze at the end Greg's on like one of those spinny chairs he's facing the wall when he likes the story he turns around he's like that is good

that is good a reality show where you just get up and tell a yarn and the judge likes it that's fine I wish we'd written that for the fucking

because we were trying to figure out a way to write the voice without having copyright music in it that would have been no but this is this is no this is you Because we were trying to figure out a way to write the voice without having copyright music in it. That would have been... No, but this is you. This is you on this show.

You're facing the stories, but then you turn around if you hate it. Oh, yes. All right, so I'm at the shops. Boom! It goes spinning around. Who would you fuck? Boom!

Yuck! The yarning. You will not be yarning in the next round. I love that the climax of this... Your bands are shit. I love that the climax of this is though, if the story's really good, he just closes in on Greg and he just does nothing. He just continues to face the right way.

And if you're following the conventions, it's like the host backstage, like talking to people before they go out there and do their yarn. And then if you, what, if you get selected, then you're getting like mentored. You're getting like Banjo Patterson taking you under his wing. I can, I can. Shane Jacobson. Greg, Greg's, Greg's taking, Greg's facing the right way for Nina's story

and going, I'm going to take you under my wing. We're going to just make the poison bit come a bit quicker. We're going to, about half an hour quicker, we're going to get to the poisoning. Have you thought about doing a British accent? Have you thought about not letting two other cunts tell stories before you? I've thought about involving Thor somewhere?

This started off as like, oh, this would be a funny sketch. And the more we're talking about it, I'm like, this legitimately is just a good show. I would love to fucking watch The Yarn. This is The Yarn. People doing open calls at shopping centres. The start of Australian Eyewear is just dog shit people coming in. I've been watching The Yarn since I was a little girl and i just really want to yarn in front of everyone that is legit good because

mama i'm yawning for you tonight i'm yawning for my sick mother who's dying that is really good because you know what You get all the duds In the early episodes Of those singing shows That think they can sing And you go Fuck how the fuck Did you think you could sing

Yeah That is the equivalent Of someone Have you got a great story And people are going Have I ever Have I ever While I was out

With Oh You know Oh You know Damo I have to start again Because Damo was He was So I have to start again because Damo was, he was, so I used to work building tractors, right?

Now you need to know that to sort of understand this. I mean, this played really well with the blokes at the office. Oh, you had to know Damo. That's the thing. You had to be there. He's the funniest cunt. He's the funniest cunt, I swear to God. And you and I are judges

because it's like, what is podcasting if not professional yarning? Yes. So, you know, we know a good one when we hear it. And someone's just like,

someone's just absolutely soaring with the eagles. They're like, oh, then I'm fucking this bird and then this fucking building fell down on top of me. And then Chando's on the end of the panel

and he stands up and gives it a touchdown. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. That's good because then you've got these amateur storytellers and then they've got to come back with a different story the next week. But you've got themed weeks. Oh, yes. It's 80s week next week.

It's like, fuck, you better have a good 80s year. Oh, shit, I wasn't born then. This is hard. This isn't my wheelhouse. Jordan Paris comes on. He's told someone else his yarn. He's just telling a yarn from, like, Henry Rollins or something. Like a famous spoken word.

He walks in and starts going, I used to be bass player in Studio Echo. Are you sure this is your story? Is this yours? He's like, I went to wizarding school. I had this little scar on my head. My parents died protecting me. To be fair, Jordan, like, I went to wizarding school. I had this little scar on my head. My parents died protecting me. To be fair, Jordan, that's not even in the 80s. What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, and the critics are like, I mean, yeah, you're doing a challenge where it's like, it's not relevant to your style of yarning. What's the point of that? It doesn't mean you're not a good yarner just because you can't make a fucking suit point or whatever. This is a good show. Oh, man. See, this is why it's the journey, you know? It's a good show oh man see this is why it's the journey

you know it's a good show I want to see people tell shit stories you're going to get a couple of good ones but I want to see I want to be in the

judging process where they're weeding the people out just so you're getting 9 out of 10 dog shit stories I'm feeling like I'm fully like

I'm immersed in the bit because I feel like this gaming chair that I'm sitting in isn't a million miles away from like the big spinning chair on a show bit because I feel like this gaming chair that I'm sitting in isn't a million miles away from the big spinning chair on a show like that. Yes, absolutely. I feel like I'm, as we're telling it,

I'm feeling like I'm having the 4D sensory experience of being on the show. All right, so with that in mind. Welcome to the show. Nina, this is the yarn. That's actually my character From that show That I might be on Yeah Right

Episode one Fuck Well now go Let's clip this up This is the pilot Oh yeah We're sending this into Endemel Shine

We're sending this in We're sending this into Crawford Locked bag Crow's nest Oh man Someone's got to do up ITV Can you do up the logo The voice We're sending this into Crawford's. Locked bag, crow's nest. Oh, man, someone's got to do up. ITV. Can you do up the logo?

The style of the voice, but it's the yarn. Yes. And it's already, there's like a hand holding a microphone there, isn't it? So it's like most of the hard work's already done. Fuck. Someone's going to legit. I reckon this is the only time in 12 years of doing this podcast. Someone's legit going to steal this idea out of the show and make it good

we're going to be playing this episode back in a court case and when you say someone me if season 2 of the sketch show happens

man I don't I mean honestly like you know assuming the show would be a huge hit we lose out on millions of dollars that would be a shame

but at the end of the day you know what I'd just be happy to see it on the air if we can huge hit, we lose out on millions of dollars. That would be a shame. But at the end of the day, you know what? I'd just be happy to see it on the air. If we go to court, we get our piece, we become the Ricky Gervais of the American office where we have nothing to do with it. It becomes much better because we're not involved with it. We're Matt Groening.

Our first sketches of the family looked like shit. Someone else cleaned them up and gave them personality. He's a billionaire. And if you go up to him on the street today and go, draw Bart, he's like, and you go, is that Bart? Or is that fucking Homer? You can't fucking draw. We're getting massages on the Lolita Express.

We're living the dream. Matt Graydon got massages on the Lolita Express? Yeah, he's in the flight logs, baby. Yeah, I know. Now I can't enjoy those new episodes of The Simpsons. They've taken everything from me. Now I can't enjoy life in hell anymore. Well, it's because you know the story with him doing the sketches of The Simpsons

was because he had the meeting with Fox. Yes. And he didn't want to pitch his life in hell comic strip to them. Right. Because it was shit. Well, he thought if this because it was you know that was his like job at the time and he thought if i sell this to them and they fuck it then they'll have the rights and then i can't keep doing the comic strip so i'll just

i'll just come up with something shit on the fly yes that to hand off to them so the characters are named after his just immediate family yeah it was just protection against like they'll probably fuck this and then i'll still i'll still be able to do the comic strip. So maybe we need to just re-record this whole ep with just a shit version of the yarn in it instead. Because the yarn's too good. We don't want it to, you know, we don't want them to fuck it. We don't want it in public domain. Well, I was just going to say, Tommy, that yarn about Matt Groening,

as good a yarn as it was, I have heard it before. I have heard it before. Oh, no, you mean I've heard it. It's not an original yarn. For people at home, I have heard it before. I have heard it before. Oh, no. You mean I've had it. It's not an original yarn. For people at home, Greg is facing the wall. He's turned around on us.

Sorry, but Greg, have a little heart. You know? Have a little heart. Because I've actually never heard that story about Matt Gray before. I love this. Look at the chemistry here. On the judging panel. I think that Tommy actually has a shot.

Because the way that it was told was so... I'm not denying that he told it. He touched me like Matt Gray did. Hang on, hang on. I've watched these kinds of shows before. I know how to play the game. Get a load of this. I had cancer as a child.

Oh, no. You're through. Now I've got an arm. The little boy with cancer had a story about the creator of The Simpsons getting his dick sucked on a plane. Just read on Wikipedia. He threw it around too. You're going to Sydney, Tommy.

Also, I like how a moment ago I was a judge on the show and that's the beauty of this show. All of a sudden you're a contestant. Anyone can suddenly be in there. You're just killing time on set making small talk. All of a sudden you're mid-yarn. You've crossed the line from judge to contestant. But I do love this immediate chemistry behind the bad judge and the good judge.

I love this. I love this. This is a winner. This is a fucking winner. This isn't... Honestly, if we could honestly package this together, get the logo up. Someone. Someone's going to take this.

Yeah. It'd be so easy to film. You just get like a big venue. We just need three more of these Titan Secret Lab gaming chairs that we just kind of gussy up, put a big buzzer here. I still think you're the only one that gets it. Because that's the point of difference with you. You're the gaming chair guy.

I'm the only one that has a spinning chair. No, we get spinning chairs. You get the gaming chair though. Okay, right. It's very confusing. Everyone, we get spinning chairs. You get the gaming chair, though. Okay, right. It's very confusing. Everyone else has the voice spinning chairs. It's like, oh, you're the gaming guy. So we've all got different...

You know, Greg's the mean judge. Nina's the nice judge. Right, of course. So, like, anyone starting a yarn, they come out in their yarns like, I was playing PlayStation the other day. Oh, yeah. Boom, I'm in.

You've got my vote. I was getting chased by pac-man the other day and the only people that can win me over are like horny stories so i had a big wreck dick there let's hear him out guys let's hear him out it's a yes from me but continue what's my role the whole where i just like, do you have to say that? Do you really have to say that? Is that inappropriate for the 7.30 audience, Greg? I think it very much is, yeah.

I feel like we're deep enough into the weeds on the concept that it is time to start thinking about this. What's the prize? What are you getting for winning the yarn? You get to hear a yarn from... What? You get to hear a yarn from the world's greatest yarnsman. And it's like, I don't know.

It's like someone who's in a cage or a sealed chamber. And at the end of the... Maybe it's Banjo Patterson. They've reanimated Banjo Patterson. I feel like it's Keith Richards' outtakes on his audiobooks. You know how he's got that audiobook that's like a journal or whatever? I don't know. He's like most fucked up stories. There's got to be some real... His autobiography, I believe it's called. Sorry, his audio books. Like the fuck, you know how he's got that like audio book that's like a journal or whatever. I don't know. He's like most fucked up stories.

There's got to be some real autobiography. Sorry, his autobiography. His secret journal is the most fucked up stories. Yeah, I'm going to get to hear

like all the vault shit. No, I don't think it's got to be, it's got to be bigger. It's got to be something like, you know, we've got the national anthem.

You, you become the national yarn. Your story is the national yarn. Because how does it, like on Idol and whatever, it's got to be something like you know we've got the national anthem you you become the national yarn well your story is like on idol and whatever it's like you get recording contract you get to release a single that i believe has been written for you right by like a team of song writers employed by the show so the idea that we just release we just we have like a yarn that we've written that this person gets to record and release i reckon it's the national yarn the national yarn national it's it's the national yarn. The national yarn. It's you. It's yours.

And you're coming out before like every sporting match. Yes. And telling a story. Yes. Yes. Every game at the Open. Yes.

Every footy match. Please rise for the national yarn. Kids at school. So I'm down the pub. You're at primary school on a Friday morning. Every Friday morning

everyone's got to stand up and hear the yarn There's a second bit to it No one really knows how it goes The alternative thing I think is What would equally be as good as If you get put inside a little chamber What is it with you and chambers? I love chambers

I'm into chambers I'm anti-chambers And then the rocket is shot into space It's like one of those What's that disc that we sent out into space to be like aliens? And you have to just tell your yarn on repeat in a microphone as you're just hurtling through the universe.

That's good. That's actually what it is. It's like, that's how we're making, that's we've decided. That's the whole point of this project. It's not just entertainment. It's not just self-flagellation. We're deciding how

we're going to, the best way to make contact with other civilisations. We're trying to make sure aliens think we're piss funny. Yeah. Well, we want them to see us at our best. We don't want to just send out like, there once was a man from Nantucket. It's a record, right? The scavenger record or whatever, that they put all the

best Beatles songs on and they sent it to and that's what yes but the person themselves so they can tell it live with a microphone oh in the sorry in the chamber

in the chamber because it loses it loses something if you record it you gotta hear it live absolutely absolutely I mean the proof is in the pudding

we're having a great time in the room when people are listening to this recorded at home this could be our least popular episode ever. We did it live.

Get to the fucking poison. Where's the poison? Get to the poison. We did an episode live in

Heathcote where everyone in the room was absolutely blind. We had the time of our lives. We couldn't have got more messages

going, this episode is fucked from people who listen to it at home. I agree. We should have just gone to the pub and had a drink. Why did we turn on the equipment? What was the point?

Outcome exactly the same. I do want to say, though, if this poison story ends up with just you gave someone some spinach, I'm going to freak out. I'm going to freak out. I mean... Oh, no. No.

Thanks a lot, Greg. Thanks a lot for spoiling my fucking poison story. That's all part of the yarn. You've got to have light and shade. You've got to have clunkers and you've got to have grey one. Well, but this is, again, it's like we, you know, we told those two stories. We were setting you up and the pressure was on.

Yeah. And now the pressure's even more. No, but it's the opposite because we were zero for two and it's like we really needed the poison story to pressure was on. Yeah. And now the pressure's even more. We would know but it's the opposite because we were zero for two and it's like we really needed the poison story to bring it home. But now we've got the concept of the yarn.

It doesn't fucking matter what happens for the next 20 minutes. We're away. We're now just workshopping. It doesn't even... Yeah. This could be like an on purpose bad story

from now on. The pressure's off. It's chilling. It's chill. This is just part of the demo now. Let's get this poison going so so basically i i'm working on the show called koala man as i mentioned five hours ago and the writing process for that because half of us are in the us and half of us in australia is all like on zoom um but recently because of us in Australia is all on Zoom.

But recently, because it used to be us all on Zoom in our own little rooms, but recently they've started doing an all-in-one room in the US. So everyone just moved to LA and everyone's in... Oh, have I told you about the owl? No, sorry. Greg's having a stroke. We'll be right back after this ad break. How many yarns are you allowed

when you're up on stage the owl is like a pretty good part of this story which is the owl is let's allow this you'll allow

the owl so this is worth it already it's so hot in this room too I'm just sweating can you smell toast put the aircon on So this is worth it already. It's so hot in this room too. I'm just sweating. Can you smell toast? Yeah. Put the air con on.

I can smell fucking... But the owl basically, on a Zoom, it can detect a whole table of people. So a whole huge boardroom of people. So if you're on a Zoom... So it's a little camera thing. Yeah, it's like a little camera. It's in the middle of the table. It's got a really good microphone

and it detects people's faces on a full boardroom so you can have like a full boardroom of people and then zoom with other people and it gives the kind of feeling that you're on zooms with each individual people sure i see yeah so when someone in the boardroom talks the owl pulls their like does a close-up on their face and puts it in a panel so that you can see who's speaking really clearly yep yep um and so there are two people speaking it's split screen so you have two people and it's really fun but when the owl when no one is talking in the boardroom the owl is supposed to just kind of like linger on who's kind of the most active or you know usually it's whoever's speaking though anyway the owl when

we um we're doing the room the owl there's there's a new rider and she's quite pretty. She's got blonde hair. And whenever our showrunner was speaking, who's kind of older man, he's got a beard, he's got comic book man energy. He's cool. I just wanted to, this is not a bad, but he just looks like a dude.

But whenever he was speaking, the owl would kind of just, like, pan over to Aaliyah again. To the blonde girl. The owl would be like, ooh, who's this? And, like, Aaliyah's kind of a note taker, so she never really, like, she's not talking that often, like, at this point. And she was kind of just riding a lot because she was new. And the owl would just, would just kind of gravitate

So the owl became horny Yeah, like the owl was horny and I got really nervous because I was like I'm like a young girl, like why is the owl why doesn't the owl want to fuck me? Like, what, am I not hot enough for the owl? So me and all the Australian guys were like

well we want to go up there, we want to get in the room and I was kind of like, I want to go up to the US because I want the owl to find me a You go in a dress all slutty to get the owl's attention. I want the owl to treat me like a fucking worm and just jump on me. Wearing a shirt with a picture of a little rat on it just to really get the owl going. Just like, hey, I've got a pet. It's night time, owl. Time to come out.

I have a little mouse. So anyway, so all the Australians, we come up for one week to do the American Rides room in person. And there was this kind of like running joke because we were there during like pumpkin spice season. Pumpkin spice lattes are like sweet in Americaica like that pumpkin is a sweet around halloween around seasonal thing yeah yeah but pumpkins like here they're savory you have pumpkin soup in america pumpkins are like a fruit okay it's really weird so they have like i don't actually understand that at all it's kind

of like are they do they taste different over there no they just cook them with sugar oh there we go candy yams where it's like is that's that's pumpkin and like marshmallow and shit yeah yeah it's fucked up and they eat it at dinner i have it as part of the meal i made them during a lockdown just for like a i'm gonna cook something weird and it was i gotta say it was pretty yummy oh yeah i mean I mean it's fucking, it's marshmallow. It's sugar. Quite a sugar. Sugar is yummy. Sugar is yummy. Good yarn.

Good yarn. I ate sugar. I ate some sugar today. You're in. You're through. Sugar yummy. Sugar is yummy, I'll have that.

I'll take that every day. It's educational too. It's a yarn that's got that. I'll take that every day. It's educational too. It's yum. It's got everything. Put a smile on my face. I like that. Okay, so you're over in LA. Yes, we're over in LA.

I'm already yes with this story, by the way. I love this story already. The horny owl I love. The horny owl. We're also trotting the globe as well. We're heading international. That's exciting in a story I don't think any school kids are going to be hearing this story

On Friday at assembly But this is definitely through to round two Thank you very much Actually that's a good challenge round Getting up at a school assembly and telling a year young To eight year olds Good evening Good morning

Teachers, boys and girls I went to the LA I went to LA Eight-year-old. Good evening. Good morning. What is it? Teachers, boys and girls. I went to the LA. I went to the LA. I went to LA so an owl would fuck me. So a piece of technology would find me attractive. That's good. So it's all, yeah, because it's like you're getting up in assembly and you're talking about what you did over the weekend.

And so it's like a content gathering chat. It's almost like the amazing race. So it's like the cameras follow you around for two days while you just do stuff, and then you're having to put the yarn together and get up Monday morning. And you can't just use a pre-existing one. It has to have been something that literally happened to you

in the two days over the weekend. I'm just now imagining you hurtling through space. Just like going, why wouldn't the owl? Why wouldn't the owl love me? Why wouldn't the owl why wouldn't the owl love me why wouldn't the owl didn't even look at me and your little chamber landing on a planet

I came all that way I flew 14 hours have you heard about the owl why did Greg have to insist on the chamber why couldn't we have the national yard Nina's little chamber

landing on a planet and the aliens coming over and they all look exactly like ours. And it's like, oh no. And I'm like, now's my chance.

I'm going to get eaten out to death. Yeah, I'm going to root these owls. I'm going to get eaten out to death. Woo hoo,

would you fuck. You just come, but you're all like, but now you're actually little Nina because you're all shriveled up from the chamber. Greg designs the chamber and he insists on it being slightly too small

for the person who's in it. Every single cavity's just been dug out from the beak. Like the little guy in Ocean's Eleven. You've just like contracted your bones to fit into this little chamber. All right, so you're in LA. It's pumpkin spice latte season it is coming and so like me as all good australians are like we're like when we're not into well actually i am into pumpkin spice but dave and dario who's the other two australians that came up they were

super like anti pumpkin spice latte especially dave dave ashby who's a good writer he's from um what did they do they did danger five that sbs oh yeah yeah yeah they're really cool so dave is like i'm not fucking trying pumpkin spice lattes fuck that like pumpkin's gotta be salty like fuck you anyway he's like i'm not drinking cold soup that's disgusting um but anyway basically we sweet talked him into ordering a pumpkin spice latte at one point for the writer's room and i thought it would be really funny if the pumpkin spice latte that he got was salty like pumpkin soup i thought it would be funny if that was like i think then he sipped it and then he'd be oh fucking right it's all salty like i thought that would be oh that's what he thought it was gonna be that's what he thought

it was right and i thought it'd be funny if he was right so i coordinated with the um runner who went and got the pumpkin spice coffees to like call me when she was outside getting them ready and then i went outside and i poured salt into his latte his pumpkin spice latte yep ice latte and no one else's but the thing is i kind of got tripped up because when the there were like iced lattes with like whipped cream on top so i couldn't just pour it in and mix it in i had to put a straw into the ice latte and pour salt yeah proper espionage style yeah yeah like into the top of the straw and so like i do that and i'm like pouring salt through a straw this is real commitment to just making someone drink something a bit too salty

yeah and also to prove someone right there's no reaction for someone to go I was right I like the style of prank because it's like you know when you're a kid

and you're at someone's birthday and it's like someone gets up to go to the toilet and then their food just gets fucked with like people are pouring shit in their drink and like and then you reach an age where you like people are pouring shit in their drink and like

and then you reach an age where you just like you finally have a bit of safety like you just realise that everyone's kind of grown out of that and you're like hey you know what

it's actually been years since that happened to me I can go to the toilet without fear of there being fucking tomato sauce in my coke yeah someone someone hiding in the toilet

and punching their fist up my ass someone's like you've got their face in the toilet yeah and they lick my ass yeah yeah yeah and I don've got their face in the toilet. They flick my ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I don't, I don't stop. Well, that's what I mean. You think you're safe. That's why I go to the toilet so much. I don't need to pee. I'm going to get my pussy ate.

That's what a glory hole is, isn't it? When someone comes up through the toilet and flicks your ass up. When someone fists your ass. Yeah, that's a glory hole. Yeah.

So you think you're safe. You think you're safe from your food being pranked and then you're bringing it back into the adult realm. I was going to make a comment about this, but then I'm worried that that'll ruin your story. So just continue, but then I'll say the comment after the story. Asterisk. Footnote, Deggie.

So I pour the salt delicately into this straw. I give it a bit of a mush around, but I can't mush around too much because there's like cream yes and i don't want to like interrupt the delicate balance of the i don't want the drink to look it doesn't look yes so i have to like up and down maybe more salt as well as i put a bit more i'm intrigued by the idea of pouring salt out of like a salt shaker into a straw like actually how it was one of those do that well so sarah who was my um accomplice in this crime, but I said I would take the fall.

I was like, please pin it on me if everyone gets mad. But it was like, you know how there's like shit salt they use for pasta that's got like the hole? You know, it's got the little hole

and you just pour the hole. Yeah, the hole is exactly the same size as the straw. So it's actually perfectly convenient. Where are you doing this, by the way? You just outside the right, everyone's like,

where the fuck's Nina? This is so unprofessional. So I was like,'s nina hang on who's there does anyone want to help me with drinks now i was like i will so i'm like obviously i've you know covered myself okay like i'm helping and being an assistant but actually espionage yeah and so i pour the salt in the drink and then i take out dave's drink especially i'm like like i have to you know remember which hand it's in and stuff and then i give it to him and because he was complaining so much about the pumpkin spice latte it was like a huge moment when everyone's watching dave about to drink right so is everyone else in on your salt nobody except for sarah is in on the salt

thing i wanted to get other people in on it but it just wasn't possible because you're all in the same room and there's only so much eye contact. Who's the owl watching at this point? Definitely Aaliyah. The owl is just fully watching. There's actually lots of hot women in our ride. I think... I'm only going off what you said.

I'm not making a judgment on people I've never seen or met. I just think the owl is like... The owl's having a busy day yeah lots of work everyone else is distracted so the owl

actually we didn't need the owl that day because everybody was there in the room take the day off owl yeah have a chill look up some porno at home yeah

Lolita Express for the owl the owl's a pedo that was a twist I did not expect. But I'm in for this yarn. The owl's on the plane getting a massage. Yeah.

Okay, so anyway, so everyone's watching David. Pedo owl. Just to be clear, that's the character there. Pedophile owl. Giggle and root.

Funny. That's good. That's good. Giggle and root. I'm exhausted. I do have to point out, like, I do have to kind of go soon. Yeah, all right, all right, all right. We promise someone will be poisoned by this before you go.

So, yeah, everyone's watching Dave, like, with bated breath, like, as he sips this drink and he takes one little sip of the drink his face goes like bright red he runs to the bin he like throws like he's like into the bin and it's really funny because no one else knows i put salt in the drink so they just think that he really hates pumpkin spice lattes. But what actually happened was I didn't mush around the salt enough. So what I did was just fill an entire straw with table salt. And when he sipped it, he just drank pure rock hard salt

because the coldness of the drink had turned him into like a salt nothing. Yeah. A crystal. He didn into like a salt nuzzle. Yeah. A crystal. He didn't eat a single bit of pumpkin. Oh, God. He just drank salt. Fucking hell. Because, okay, so this is the comment that I was going to make.

If your plan had succeeded and the salt did mix through the pumpkin, because this was a sweet drink, I assume. Like, sweet and salty is quite a I assume. Yeah. Like sweet and salty is quite a good combo. Yeah. Like that would have tasted pretty nice I reckon. Yeah.

Like salted caramel. Yeah. It's a thing that If he had just tasted it and gone this is awesome and then you just don't say anything

and then the next time he goes into Starbucks he gets like the pumpkin spiced latte and he's just like drinking it like oh what the fuck you know

just cracking it just being like you fucking made it wrong what are you doing latte and he's just like drinking it like, oh, what the fuck? You know, just cracking it. Just being like, you fucking made it wrong. What are you doing? And then he's driven mad because he can never get that. He's like, why don't they ever taste the same as that first one I had? What's going on? Also, I love that Nina's got a great talent for clickbait because when she walked in and went, have I told you the time when I nearly poisoned someone?

That's such a better headline than, have I told you about the time where I made a man eat salt? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drink salts, actually. A similar thing happened to me when I was a little kid. I'd have Weet-Bix for breakfast, and I'd always put lots of sugar on the top. And my dad at one point was just like,

you know, you're having too much sugar. This is so bad. And so he hid the sugar, and then I found the sugar found the sugar where was the sugar i don't know it's up on a high shelf right but it was like i think i was like right at that age where i'm like i could just get a chair yeah and then i could go my daughter's my daughter's just discovered you can just get a chair i reckon it's the most pivotal turning point in your entire life it happened the other day and i was like fuck it's on here because you you're just the realm of possibility. It's like, I can go anywhere now.

I'm unstoppable. And so then I... She knows where things are now. Yeah. I crack the code. I'm getting my own sugar. And then one day, load up the Weet-Bix,

scoop after scoop, take a big old bite, eat salt. Oh, yes. My dad big old bite. It's salt. My dad switched it out. Switched it out into the sugar container. Me and your dad, same brain. So I take a huge bite.

I'm like... And meanwhile your dad's over in the corner eating hot chips with sugar and going, suck shit. More or less, he was waiting for me. He was like, in the corner the corner He's like I got you When I say to stay away From the sugar You stay the fuck Away from the sugar

Tommy Guess what You're going to space You're going to space mate You're going to space Tommy Thank you guest judge Elon I'm so honoured That I was able to

Connect with my story The smoke comes out The chamber gets lowered down Tommy Why would I was able to crack through with my story. So the smoke comes out, the chamber gets lowered down. Why would I actually want to go? Tommy steps into the chamber. I wanted to come second. Oh, I thought you meant

smokers when they announced the new Pope. Like, we've heard a great yarn, everyone. That would be the worst, right? If second prize is you get $2 million and first prize is

you have to get shot in a space. You're like, I wanted to come second. I wanted it to be good, but not the best. Floating around in orbit with a microphone in your mouth, just retelling the same story again and again and again. It was salt. It was salt. Say goodbye to your dad, Tommy.

You're never going to see him again. Because you're going slowly mad from being by yourself in space all that time it turns into Chinese whispers but with one person so by the end of it it's just Chambers whispers

yeah I'm all withered I'm like and there's you know because it's like this is obviously to shoot someone into space we are tapped into like

you know the upper echelons of humans so it's like it's changed so much by the end you're like and then someone goes hey it's 9-11 everyone you're like, and then someone goes,

hey, it's 9-11 everyone. You're like, oh. And also because of the, space is pretty big. Like you'd go mad after two weeks and you're only just past the moon. That's it. You haven't even gotten out to the outer reaches of the solar system

before you've gone completely mad. You're like cosplaying as the kids in the background. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? And you're the dad. You're like, no. Because we've the background. Are we there yet? Are we there yet? And you're the dad. You're like, no! Because we've had to tap into the secret realm of society in order to get me into space,

I've also been injected with some sort of anti-ageing serum. So I'm just there for eternity. I never age. I never die. Just in a chamber for the rest of time, telling the same yarn over and over. And when the aliens open it up,

you're like, it was salt, it was salt, it was salt, it was salt. They just like close it back up and shoot it up again.

Wow, after the most intelligent life on earth, let's fucking invade these dumb cunts. Yeah, it lands on some planet

and three aliens just turn their back on you. After a thousand years, it's just me being like, I think it's time to face the fact. There's no other life out there. Surely I would have seen him by now.

He's just like, kill me. Kill me. All right. Well, that is going to do us for another episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Geggy and Nina, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. I think we're all part owners in the yarn, I reckon. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure. We've got to get the legal team down here. Yes. We've got to form a production company. Let's make a bloodhound. What's the name? What's the name of the production company? Big, big, big, big yarn.

I don't want to say big. British Productions. Yes, that's it. British Productions. That's funny. British Productions. British Productions. That's a really good name for a production company.

What Al Boner Productions. That's great. And people just looking up the company and it's like big logo with the British flag. British Productions. Address Scoresby Victoria. I love it. I actually love it. What is that production company called?

British Productions. That would make British people so angry as well. Do you ever see this, Greg? There's a guy who does a show every year at the Comedy Festival. I won't name him. He's like an older guy. And he's got like a production company for his show every year. And it's clearly just him.

And it's like the little presented by up the top just says, Frog Productions. And it's like, it's just you. That's good shit. Calling yourself Frog Productions. All right, Geggy. and it's like it's just it's just you that's good shit calling yourself frog production alright Gigi what have you got

to plug I am doing a festival show called Slurps Up and great poster oh yeah I'm really happy

with the poster the poster says Slurps Up and it has me riding a tongue as a surfboard and that's about as much as I've done

on the show and I'm real scared there's a lot of little pull quotes on there like see inside the mind of a real life stand up comedian

it's like it's done up as if it's like a comedy DVD from like the mid 90s that you would sell at like

after a gig at an RSL yeah maybe I will I'll get a spindle of like burnt DVDs that I'll sell like after the gig at an hour I sell it yeah maybe I will I'll get a spindle of like burnt DVDs that I'll sell like after the show

but it's just me in my room doing stand up that's actually a fucking good idea just making slurping sounds yeah

it's five bucks a CD yeah it's like ten minutes of you guys so what did you think of the show hey guys check that out

that's coming to all the festivals. I saw your show last year, Geggy, and I loved it. Always a good time at a Geggy show. Melbourne, Sydney, almost certainly Brisbane. I don't think that's on sale yet. But I am doing, I don't know when this comes out, but really soon I'm doing some trial shows at Good Chat Comedy in Brisbane. They're trials of this.

It's all like, who knows if it'll be good but it'll be crazy so there's like two nights of that at Good Chat so look that up easy well you look up your

socials and all the info yep and plus this TV show oh yeah the TV show we interrupt this broadcast

February March March March I think it comes out Channel 7 Channel 7 yeah it's prime time

so we'll see it's tough being any network that doesn't have the tennis you know because Channel 9 they just get the when the tennis is done that'll be on

every other network has to be like can you go on a podcast and Nina Nina yes I have a few Koala Man obviously watch it

Disney Plus it's really good Disney Plus yeah Disney Plus I've got that I'll have a look fuck yeah if I ever finish fucking Get Back I'll get. Koala Man, obviously. Watch it. Disney Plus. It's really good. Disney Plus? Yeah, Disney Plus. I've got that. I'll have a look. Fuck yeah. If I ever finish fucking Get Back, I'll get onto Koala Man.

Amazing. Yeah, watch out for Lil Nina. I'll have a cameo. Also, YOLO Crystal Fantasy is coming to Stan January 23rd. What's the name of it again? YOLO Crystal Fantasy. That's another animated show. Yeah.

So it's season two. So it's called YOLO Silver Destiny. Of course. That's coming out. So you're a voice on that and a writer on that? Is that right? No, I'm just a writer on that. It's like me, Michelle Brazier, Greta Lee Jackson,

and Michael Kusakis. Yeah. What else? Oh, and also Latecomers on SBS, which is... Sorry, is this too many things? No, it's fine. Why go wrong? I wrote a show about super people with cerebral palsy

that want to have sex really bad. Anyway, that's on SBS. So did I. They never put it up there. Not enough sex. They said, you've never met one. You don't have anything to do with it.

You keep doing all the weird hair moves. This isn't a pitch document. It's just your DeviantArt account. It's just you doing bad information. Oh, boy. Oh, boy, boy. And the last one is Taskmaster. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And the last one is Taskmaster. Oh yeah.

Watch that. That's going to be sick. So that starts really soon as well, doesn't it? That's Channel 10. Yeah. You're a cast member on that. I am a contestant. A lot of people that listen to this show would be excited by that,

seeing it finally come to Australia. Yeah, it's really... And see a lot of friends that do the show on it. Yeah, it's good. I didn't know if it would be good, but I have been a part of it. Now I'm like, fuck, it's really funny. I heard someone has seen it and saw some live stuff and said it was... Someone who would say it sucks if it sucks.

Yeah. And they said it was good. They said it was really good. It's good. It's chaos. It's pure chaos. Cool. So check all that out.

Yeah, please. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next. You're going to Sydney. And they've done it again. They really have, Tommy. Yeah.

That was a good one. That was a ripper. That was a, you know what's fun, is that we do good episodes sometimes. If you have some sort of overarching thing, people will remember that more than... For example, next week's is recorded, which is very fun, but we talk about 17 different things and I reckon people will not give a fuck.

It's just a fun little thing that goes by in their life and they don't remember it. But this is something people will talk about. I think so. This is a genuinely good idea. But also the most beautiful type of overarching theme, where it didn't exist when we walked into that room.

It all happened on the fly. Yes. That's the beauty of riffing. And now it's going to be on TV in the next two weeks. Fuck, is it too late to enter ourselves in pilot week? Oh! That's a really good idea. We pitched the yarn to pilot week.

From the makers of Funny Fellas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, great. This is our way of getting Funny Fellas on air. We get this on. When we pitch it and we go, how good is this idea? They go, we've got to get this made.

This is like our art house project where Tom Cruise wants to make some sort of movie about him traveling to fucking Ethiopia. I'll give you Top Gun 3 if you sign off on this. If you green light this one. If you green light Out of Africa 2, I'll give you Top Gun 3. Yeah, one for you, one for me. But it's also like in this country, there's a smaller population, which means there's fewer media opportunities going around. But then also within that, no one just does one media job.

They do about fucking eight. So it's like once we've got the foot in the door with the yarn, it's also that. It's just like, well, hey, boys, now that you're working really hard on this incredibly successful show, how can we spread you thin by giving you a bunch more projects that you won't give a fuck about? And the answer is the funny fellas we can be like working dog or the chaser you know in the chaser they always have a show and then that show would finish and then the other they're by yearly shows like yeah working dog and the chaser do the same thing oh it's all finished oh you guys can have six months off no that's when we do our second show. Our other show, yeah. Our second banana. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you know, the other possibility, the other option is, rather than pitching this to Channel 10 or whatever, I mean, we've got two absolute jewels in the crown here. I reckon we subvert the whole system and we just start our own network. Right. We buy a broadcasting tower and we just go straight to dum-dum TV. Streaming network. Channel 69 on the clicker.

69. No, not streaming network. We're going analog. We're bringing back the analog signal. People are going to have to plug their aerials back into the wall in order to see our content. Great. Streaming. I like the streaming network idea.

That would be good. Just a streaming network for two shows. Yeah. That we're just scrambling to put together. Well, you know, that's kind of what this podcast is. You could argue that it's a streaming platform. You open the app, all the episodes are there. Oh, yeah, yeah. You choose what you want to listen to and when you want to listen to it, what order.

Yeah. You know. What if we did a demo podcast? Sometimes people do that. They'll do a podcast to sort of demo it, to put it in front of people so that they know vaguely what it is and they can stump up some money for a TV show. We can do the... Oh, yeah. The Yarn.

Yeah, the Yarn podcast. It would work in an audio format. Obviously, it would be way better on TV because you're getting the visual of the spinning chairs. And we get more money. And we get more money. And people care. Fuck, what if we really... We mic'd up the chairs so you can really hear them swiveling on the podcast.

You'd have to. You'd have to have some kind of foley work going on. Now, we need for this podcast, we need really creaky chairs. Yeah. Otherwise, there's no theatre of the mind happening. No. Yeah. You need to hear that.

Yeah. And you also need to hear us slamming our hands onto the button. And just people in the audience that's really just us. Yeah. Just off mic going, those chairs are turning around. Spinning around. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

I like it. Yeah. Well, yeah, great fun. Great episode. And of course, more to come in the future, including live on stage in front of an adoring audience in both Adelaide and Melbourne. Adelaide, March the 11th. Saturday, March the 11th, to be precise.

2.30 in the afternoon, to be even more precise. Thanks for being more precise. And then in Melbourne, April 1, 8, 15, 22. You know what? Let's guarantee on one of those shows, we'll do a demo. We'll do a pilot of the arm. We probably should at some point.

It seems like a waste to have some live engagements coming up. Yes. I mean, unless, you know, this is the beauty, right? We've already got the chairs on stage. Exactly. You walk out. Well, they're not spinning enough.

You walk out of that room and you go, God, what a heater of an episode. I really think people are going to love that one. And then we're doing this being like, get ready, guys. We're going to bring this back for a live show. And it's like, it hasn't come out yet. For all we know, people listen to this and go, I hate this idea. Worst episode you've ever done. Yeah, yeah.

No. If you do the yarn at one of these live shows, I'm selling my tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do not want to see this. It's just people out the front of Morris House, knee European Beer Cafe with big signs. Like they've come down from Parliament House protesting the yarn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Could happen. Burning their tickets. Burning an effigy of their tickets. Yeah. Well, let us know. Let us know if you want to see the yarn come to fruition. Yeah. We could get the, I like, we got to get the logo made up and we got to get, like, big

sign, big signage, big backdrop. Yeah. To just have, like, lowered in from the ceiling when we start that part of the pod. Well, you know, Morris House, knee European Big Cafe are having massive renovations. I've just got off the phone from them suggesting changes to Basement Comedy Club. Maybe I can suggest, yeah, we need a really big V-Yarn sign for the room. And we also need big swiveling chairs that are operated by a button. We need four of them built into the stage

for one five-minute thing that we're going to do in a month. Maybe. Maybe. We might get on a good riff or a guest might have a good story and we might not get around to it. Yeah, we might do it in Adelaide first,

so who knows? Well, maybe we could do like, you know, maybe we, because we were saying on this episode that it's like part of the beauty of the show would be you have the cattle call style auditions

where you're just like in the shopping centres and anyone can come up. Yes. So maybe we start it there. Maybe we do that in Adelaide. Maybe we do the cattle call bit in Adelaide

and then we go to the like, in Melbourne we're doing like the final. This is what we're going to do. We do it in Melbourne. We pick one of the dates in Melbourne. Yep. Either April 1, 8, 15, 22. And you turn up.

The shows are on at 4.30 in the afternoon. So for people at home, there's no clashes or anything like that. So what we do is we say, turn up. The shows are 4.30 But the cattle call Oh Is at 3.30 And

So as we're getting ready to do a live podcast Yes We have to sit there for an hour Yes And how many people do you think we're getting through in an hour? Well they Given the nature of the cattle call I reckon maybe three

Yeah Because that's You're going to get people that just like do not know how to compress a story down. Yes. All right. I'm not against it. Yeah. I think it could be good.

Unless... I'd love it if it could be at a shopping centre. Okay. Just to really give it that flavour of those shows. All right. Unless... You know what we do? We outsource it.

Like any show is. Like, you know, you don't have the host of the show going through all these... Oh, yeah, Mark Holden's not turning up to the very first round. Exactly. Sure, sure, sure. All right, so we get someone else to do it. Yep. We get someone else to vet it.

Yep. And then, yeah, so perfect. Let's do it that way, because then we don't get... Then we get to be surprised on the show. We get it fresh. Good point. Absolutely good point. So we need a producer for this show.

Yes, yes, yes. We've never had one before, but now we point. So we need a producer for this show. Yes, yes, yes. We've never had one before, but now we have one for one 10-minute idea. Yes. Yeah, okay, great. I'm into it. That's what's happening. All right, we'll figure out which date it is and we'll let you know. Yeah.

But there will be a pilot version of The Yarn at one of the Melbourne live shows. Yes. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Also, please come and check out my solo show if you're in Adelaide or Melbourne Feb 28 until March 4 in Adelaide at the Rhino Room And then Melbourne March 28 until the 9th of April at the Cooper's Inn It's called Scam Artist

Would love to see some of you aware he's there And look, if you come down This is your way of, if you want to be on the yarn This is your way of getting in the ear of one of your judges. I've got to say, I'm going to look very favorably on someone who's spent money on a stand-up ticket and then kind of pulls me aside at the end of the gig to go, just so you know, I've got a fucking great one

about getting a bottle stuck up my ass. I'm going to be like, well, you know what? I'll see what I can do. If you can make something happen at your show and it's a good story, there you go. You can open for me. No, no, no. But if there's a good story about you going to your stand-up show,

all of a sudden there's going to be some extra points from you. So this is already so corrupt. We're saying bonus points to any contestants in the yarn if your story involves one of the judges in some way. Yeah, involves giving the money to one of the judges, supporting something they do. Yeah, I got a yarn for you boys. I got on Try Booking and I picked my date for Tommy Dasolo's Scam Artist

and put my credit card in and wired $25 to him. I'm going to be like, fuck, that's a hell of a story. And then I shit my pants. I don't even need that, to be honest. I'm already pretty into everything that's happened there. Split them up. Have two stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then we can finally work out what's a better story. Buying a ticket to a comedy show or shitting your pants. Yeah, finally. Lots to look forward to. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for your tickets to all of that stuff that's coming up.

Yep. Well, speaking of live shows, on the weekend, I went along to have some beers after our good friends Nick Cody and Luke Heggie's live mid-flight brawl podcast. They did a funny little pub crawl between all the worst pubs.

Something that... I like the idea because it's something we would do. They did a little pub crawl of the shittest pubs in Melbourne in the CBD and they ended up at the Exford and there was a bunch of... Look, a lot of crossover. A lot of listeners of this show were there and came up and had a chat. Good for them.

Good for you. I hope to see them at our live shows. But one of them I was briefly talking to you about before the show, Tommy, what I liked was there was a bunch of people from Ballarat, which was weird. None of them knew each other. They were all from Ballarat. And they all knew me in various ways from Ballarat, because I used to live in Ballarat.

Yep. Various connections. But the one I liked, shout out to, I can't remember the name of this young man, or many people in general, but he said this story to me. He goes, oh, I know such and such. My cousins are these people. And they were good mates of mine when I lived in Ballarat. I was like, oh, cool. We'll say story to me. He goes, oh, I know such and such. My cousins are these people. And they were good mates of mine when I lived in Ballarat. I was like, oh, cool.

We'll say hello to them. I don't often say hello to those guys, but, you know, I used to love hanging out with them. And he goes, yeah, I remember you being at a party that I was at. And I'm like, oh, okay. Like from back then. He's like, yeah. So this is, you is 20 this is literally 25 years ago yeah 25 years ago yeah he goes yeah yeah you came to a party and i remember you from

that and he's like yeah okay all right so what what and he goes yeah i've been listening to the podcast you know like the whole time like okay, so what happened at the party? He goes, oh, my sister was playing pool. And she goes, oh, I'm going to pot this ball now. And then she didn't. And you just gave her shit for the entire rest of the night. And you just shit on her for not potting this orange ball or whatever. Anyway, I've been listening to the podcast

ever since 1998 what a year i just loved it i love the idea the way he told it it was like yeah yeah you just hung shit on my sister for not playing pool very well and as soon as i found out you had a podcast i'm like i gotta get into this yeah seeing that pop up like whatever 13 years ago and just being like, fucking finally. I've been waiting for this day. He's been... Ever since Ricky Gervais first put his first episode out,

I thought, I know just the man for this medium. It's like, I just, it seems so wasted that you were hanging shit on my sister

for playing billiards not very well. All I had was, I just had to hang on to that story this whole time. But now, now you've got a creative outlet that I can listen to

every week. See this is what we're talking about. Replaying that story to other people that lived in Ballarat. This is exactly what we're talking about in terms of how corrupt the yarn could be. Where it's like this is a story about you from a fan of you that you're like best story I've ever heard. And it's just something I did that I've forgotten.

My chair's spinning around for something that I did in 1998. I just love the lost years, though. This guy must think the lost years. 98 to 2010. Yep. Fuck. But what's he done?

What's he done since then? I imagine he's been listening just every week being like, surely the pool story. And he's like, oh, yeah, share house in Ballarat. And there probably has been times where you've told a story about being at a party. He's like, you're like, oh yeah, share house in Ballarat. And there probably has been times where you've told a story about being at a party. He's like,

fucking here we go. Just revved up. And then it's like, oh yeah, and then I stole some milk out of the fridge. It's like, fuck.

How many parties did this cunt go to? Hurry up the running down bridge road shit in your pants. Who cares? Yeah. Koh Samui, whatever.

Yeah. Get back to the good stuff. Yeah. The simpler times. He's probably got a, like a hit out on blanket because every time i start revving up a story about my kids like yuck boring in the way this now that news now news stories are happening and he's and he's getting further and further away from his memory of that night that beautiful night around the pool table fucking hell well I do remember

his sister's name his sister's name Shandell okay nice I don't remember his name but Shandell well speaking of not remembering names

here are some names that you don't have to remember because they're right in front of you courtesy of the Unplanned Title Alternator patreon.com slash little dumdum club

you can sign up right now you can get two bonus mini episodes a week and access to the entire back catalogue of all of them we've ever done. We usually end up getting the guests to stick around and take part. And this week is no different.

Nina joined us for a couple that are coming out Friday and Monday. Yes. So, yeah, you'll be able to enjoy them. But most importantly, as we mentioned, this could be the point that you are getting your name read out on this podcast. as we mentioned, this could be the point that you are getting your name read out

on this podcast. And for a lucky, you know, 20 to 30 of you today, that is you. So, I've blocked out time. I've averaged out

exactly how long it takes to read out the name, do a bit of riffing and we've got 30 coming up today. Okay, well, I've not blocked out the time.

I ran late and then we fucked around for ages before doing this. So, all right. Well, let's knock it down to five. All right. Easy. Thank you very much to the first Patreon subscriber of this week, first cap off the rank. Thank you very much to Tamika Rose. Okay.

Yeah. Tamika. T-A-M-I-K-A. Nice Tamika. Nice Tamika. That'd be like... To get those rosy orange pineapple notes in our back pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'd be... Just like the way I said that made me think of like... That would be like a George Costanza... Like that could be a Seinfeld episode where he meets this hot girl called Tameka. Yeah. He says, nice to meet you. Yeah. And she's supremely put off by it.

Yeah. And then he's like just begging for another chance. Yeah and uh shout out to everyone with orange roses out there that i've just described rosy orange roses um well they might i mean but you're colorblind right yes so that that can just be you can just say whatever you like in that regard i will be like well i see them as i explain being colorblind once again to you it is not i'm not seeing black and white and that's it it's not i'm not it's not like woody allen's manhattan it's not all it's not fucking the great dictator by charlie chaplin it is no but you're seeing a rose and it's orange to you no well that's just a thing i said it It's not... I see red. I see red.

There are certain colors I have problems with. How do you know that your red is my red? Well, how does anyone know that? Exactly. Yeah. You could be colorblind. Every single person on earth could have a different read on what colors are. I could be the only person who's not colorblind. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. But I strongly suspect that that's not the case. I strongly suspect that I have trouble with some colors, but I'm pretty, pretty, pretty sure I'm, I'm fine with a lot of colors. Okay. There are some colors I struggle with. Yeah.

Greens and, greens and browns especially. Okay. There are, there are certain colors that like, you know, when you have like one color on another color and that sort of clash and you can't read one colour very well. Sometimes I go, fucking hell, how bad is this? And they go, I can read that perfectly. Yeah, okay. Yeah, interesting.

That's me. Interesting. Yep. But, Tameka Rose, you know what that... We should push for more like ABC. We should push for more like Screen Victoria funding and stuff. Given that one of us is differently abled yes i think we imagine putting that in now look i know that everything's

got to be inclusive now and you're looking for diverse and you're looking at this and you're thinking two straight white guys why would we let this through well here's what you don't know yeah one of us is disabled by which i mean mild mildly colorblind. So where's that money? And you're saying two straight white guys. Well, to one of us, he doesn't think we're two straight white guys. He's got no idea what color the two of us are. He thinks we're both black. That's why he's always saying that word.

His word. I'm bald. That's a physical disability. That's part of my body not working properly yeah yeah no you're right man the yarn is it's a lock now it is it really is yeah now that it's being hosted by two pocs yeah yeah two pos's yeah i you know and that makes me that makes me better these days i you know you hear some people say hey i don't really see color me i'm technically one of those guys i do not see color that's me i am i love i'm such a white knight anytime your color blindness comes up it happens in the same

way i make a i make a fantastical grab at just like for the sake of comedy, completely mis-equating it. You get angry about how I've mis-equated it and then it ends with you going, I can't tell the difference between black people and white people. It goes from you getting defensive to me basically gaslighting you into thinking that your colour blindness works in the most insane ways. I feel like you're saying that and other people are thinking that's how it works.

Like some people literally learn from this show and I feel like some people are thinking that's how it works for me. Oh, come on. The number of things you've said about cancer over the years that are giving people the wrong impression. No, I genuinely think some people think that that's how it works. People sitting down to be like, time to listen to my favorite educational podcast, The Little Dum Dum Club.

Now, hang on. What's this? When you're colorblind, you think that white people are black? Yes. Fuck, I actually didn't know that. I'm going to write that down. Yes. I'm going to bring that up in my university course that I teach.

I'm going to bring that up to my black friends. Well, thanks, Tamika. Yes. Thanks, Tamika Rose. What a beautiful name. It really is. I don't know if I've... I actually don't know if I've ever heard the name Tamika

before in my life, but it is nice. And I also think that anytime someone has the word Rose as their surname on this sort of thing, I don't think that's your real name. Oh, really? I think that's your second name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do see that a lot. You see that a lot online.

Online, yeah. But let us know, Tamika. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sally K. Anderson. Okay. Yeah. Literally, okay. Yes. O, K. S-K. Anderson. Okay. Yeah. Literally, okay. Yes. O, comma, K.

S, K. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting putting the middle initial in there. No, no, no. It's not an initial, Tommy. That's where I'll pull you up. Oh.

It's the name, K-A-Y. Interesting. Much like the lead singer of my absolute all-time favourite band. Who? JK. Oh! Jamiroquai himself. Jamiroquai K...

And what's his last name? Jamiroquai K... Funk. I don't know. Jamiroquai K Funk. That's good. Please. Mr Funk was my father. Call me Jamiroquois K-Funk. That's good. Please. Mr. Funk was my father.

Call me Jim Iroquois. Call me Jim Iroquois K-Funk. Yeah. What's his real name? Jason K. K-A-Y. K-A-Y. Oh, that's his real name?

His surname is, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I can see why he changed his name to get all jivey on stage like that. You can't get away with being called Jason K. JK. Great name. Great pop star name. Well, that's not his pop star name.

His pop star name is Jamiroquai. No, Carl, Jamiroquai is the band. Everyone thinks it's just one guy. It's not one guy. It's a full band. The band's name is Jamiroquai. The singer's name is JK. But he's one of those guys that...

To quote myself on nearly every first date I've ever been on all right that's um but he would be a guy that then goes out and tours as jamiroquai and has absolutely no other members of the band from the original band he would just put whoever the fuck in that uh yeah they have rotated a lot there's like a the drummer has been with them since the second album and the percussionist has been there for a very long time as well so no original members apart from him uh no yeah he had a keyboard player who'd been there since the very beginning who very sadly passed away a little while ago um and then yeah a lot of them some of them have been in there for a while now but yeah he is the he is the one in the base, does anyone give a fuck?

It's not like Oasis where the two brothers have to be in there, and then that's about it. It's just Jason Kay. You know, a lot of discussion on the forums back in the day when someone would leave, and then a replacement would get announced, and there'd be a lot of like, let's find out who this guy is. What other stuff has he done? So yeah, definitely. I mean, there's always going to be some nerds out there that care.

No matter how small the thing might seem to anyone else. And do you keep up to date with Jason's current work? Not a lot to keep up with at the moment. But I do believe they're working on a new album at the moment. They? They. Or he? They.

No, he's still, they are still. Or is he a they? They're all still, yeah, maybe he is. Maybe that's where all the confusion comes from. Right, right. I believe they're in the studio at the moment, but they haven't put something out for like five or six years. Right.

So there's not been much to keep up with. That's, when you see a Jamiroquai fan in the wild, do you ever see someone with a Jamiroquai shirt on? And if so, do you have to sort of go, hey? And is there some sort of symbol you give or do you say, hey, JK? JK is okay. That's interesting because I can't remember the last time I saw someone else wearing a Jamiroquai shirt.

But I'll tell you, that's interesting that you bring that up. Because a few months ago, I bought a Jamiroquai shirt so that I can be part of that equation. So someone can spot you. Exactly. I want to be stopped in the street by a fellow. Because you know what? Not by a fellow fan, just by a fellow. I've started to know.

I probably said this on here. I started to notice in the last year or so you're hearing them out more and more i'm hearing them more and more in like restaurants and bars and i reckon they're i reckon they're due for like a because they you know they're big like late 90s early 2000s i reckon just enough time has passed for the people that were like like my age that were like big when they were at high school to have that nostalgia for them i reckon they're due they're due a comeback they could play like a splendor in the grass and be like the here are the old guys back you know all these hits these are all fucking undeniably fun songs

to dance to at a festival and then just like i was already thinking that and then i started hearing them out more and more and more and i'm like you know what i want to i want to i want to make my mark i want to like have this on record that i'm not a bandwagon jumper that i'm not a johnny come lately this is you get the shirt you buy the the proper shirt before all of a sudden you start uh seeing it mass mass produced at um uh what are the stores urban outfitters yeah yeah all that stuff yeah uniclo doing a jamiroquai collab yeah yeah yeah yes, yeah. Yes. Yeah. They could have their own, that little buffalo man, he would look great in the place of like the Ralph Lauren polo or like the little Lacoste alligator.

Yeah. Yeah, so I just, I A, liked the design and B, I was like, this is happening one way or the other and I want to, I just want it, I just kind of want it noted that I'm on the ground floor. I want this t-shirt. I reckon you're about to start getting more and more people sort of seeing it and being like you know what i love jamiroquai

because i feel like seven years ago you might have seen that shirt you might have been too ashamed to go and say anything to that person lest other people see you yeah i think you're a fucking loser yeah but now i think it's like there's just something in the air where it's like all right everyone's being activated yeah everyone's it's gonna be like it's like there's just something in the air where it's like, all right, everyone's being activated. It's going to be like, it's like Manchurian Candidate, but it's just like all these old Jamiroquai fans being reactivated by hearing canned heat at a bakery. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Instead of like in Get Out, like the little teaspoon on the teacup, it's just... Yeah, exactly. It's that opening piano yeah yeah yeah yeah totally and then all of a sudden it's like yeah it's like it's exactly that it's activating you and then you just all of a sudden you look in the mirror and you you're wearing wildly offensive native american head dress like oh no i'm back fuck i've got a dream catcher on my fucking head it started yep that's uh that's good because um i saw a guy and this isn't even a band i was like that into but i somehow it was contagious one of my good mates uh back in the day was really into a band called carter usm carter the unstoppable sex

machine okay very obscure band now my is like really not that big back then as well yep uh they came out once or twice or something like that played big day out way back in the day and uh i saw the other day and anytime i say anything to do with it i'll send it to my mate who was like a massive fan of them back in the day and he was like the one person i've ever met that showed any interest in this band. Yep. And, like, literally last week I walked past the guy wearing a Carter USM T-shirt in the street, just walked past him, and I was like, I've got to fucking say something. And I just pointed at his shirt and was like, fuck, that band, awesome.

And he just, instead of being like, oh, cool, he he just was like did not know how to react yeah like that has never been said to him it's not a new shirt it's a really old shirt no one has ever commented on his shirt before and he just had a conniption just just like i don't know how to fucking relate to this i don't know how what to what to say back yeah i reckon it's the only time he's ever met someone else that's listened to that band before and he just didn't have the spiel ready to go no he nothing right nothing because like you know i'll always like i'll be wearing a liverpool hat or something and some people will be like you know people just go hey liverpool and i'll be like up the reds yeah and there'll be a thing ready to go everyone you know it's pretty easy but with carter usm there's no touch point there's no no yeah what did he did

he say anything? No. Is it possible that he just like bought this shirt from like an op shop or something and he doesn't even really know what it is? I really doubt it because it was like, it had some wear. Yeah. Who's buying a shirt in that shitty condition and it's like, it's got a logo on it and he's like, who the fuck knows what this is? I'm just going to wear this because it's a fucked shirt.

Yeah, yeah. He's like a dyed in the wool fan. Yeah, yeah. He's like a dyed-in-the-wool fan. Yeah, interesting. And just had his dreams come true. Yeah. Someone had finally gone,

Hey. Hey, nice shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, that's great. Yeah, you should. Yeah, I just hoped that maybe you had

that connection to other Jamiroquai fans. Well, no, but I'm trying to do it from the other. I've never seen one out there. You're trying to attract one. But I'm hoping that,

yeah, I'm wearing it out and just kind of sitting there being like, anyone? Anyone want to come up? All right. Well, I haven't seen you wear this shirt yet, I don't think, so I want you to be wearing it out there and I want someone to see you and start singing the song.

Well, annoyingly, it's a long-sleeve T-shirt, so it's kind of been too hot to wear it lately but also the weather is fluctuating enough that like i probably could have worn it today i gotta have it just ready to go yeah just like be dictated by not what i'm doing but by what the climate is right it's a very specific temp the long sleeve t-shirt it's a weird one yeah it's an incredibly specific climate that you're wearing that in yeah i don't think i've ever owned one i would have this is just what it in. Yeah. I don't think I've ever owned one. It's just what it came in.

I didn't get the option of having short sleeves. I have a couple of very light jumpers. Yeah, I agree because it's only one degree off that. It's very odd conditions where you're putting on a jumper going, I'm putting this on despite the fact it is not cold. The mileage you're getting out of an item like that is like maybe one month out of the year, if that. Very transitional between like, you know, like autumn and winter. Yeah.

It's an odd market. It's a very small market. Well, thanks, Sally K. Anderson. I hope that read. Thanks, Scar. Yeah. Yeah. Scar. What hope that read. Scar. Yeah, yeah. Scar. What do you think of Scar?

Never really gone in, but I mean, I know it's a cliche. The older I get, like I'll hear a song out and think like, I could see myself getting around this. Yeah. Used to find it repulsive. And then just, I don't know. It's like literally every time I hear a Scar song, it's hitting me a little harder.

Yeah. Maybe 40. Maybe I'll just have, if I'm not already there, I'll it's hitting me a little harder. Yeah. Maybe 40. Maybe I'll just have, if I'm not already there, I'll just have a Ska-themed 40th. Yeah. To just like baptism by fire myself into it. Yeah. That is funny to just presume that all of a sudden something happens at 40 and just get in front of it and go, Oh, instead of like all of a sudden being into Ska and having no records, I might as well just have all that ready to go.

I've got the venue booked. You're turning up. I'm there in the crisp white. I've got the two-toned fucking shoes. Yeah, the fresh checkerboards. I've just pulled them out of the box on the way there. I've got the pork pie hat. And it's just Scar music playing all night and people coming up to me being like,

I didn't know you liked Scar. And me being like, I don't. I'm actually having, this is the worst night of my life. I'm having a really bad time. Because of course, I'm actually, because maybe my birthday that week falls on a Monday. So I'm actually having the party on the Saturday night. So I'm actually not officially 40 yet.

And it's like, I'm just like, I'm having an awful time. And then I wake up Monday, it is my birthday, I'm 40. And I'm looking back on videos from the night and all the music I can hear in the background I'm like

my memory of the night is all of a sudden I'm like that was the best night of my life why wasn't I having fun at the time I wish I'd gone

we ought to do it all again this is a great video yeah thanks Gar thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matthew Neville Matty Nevs yeah one of the Thanks, Gar. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matthew Neville.

Matty Nevs. Yeah. One of the, you know, this is taking all the wind out of our sails. Tamika Rose, Sally Kay Anderson, and then Matthew Neville. Matthew Neville. One of the two less interesting first names put together. We could talk about Aaron Neville, but I don't quite know enough about him. I don't know anything about him. See, I could talk to you about the Neville brothers that played for Manchester United,

but I don't think that's... I'd rather you didn't. Yeah. I kind of rather I wouldn't, too. What I do know is... Yep. ...is that their dad's name was Neville Neville. Okay.

Well, no, that's good. A real thing. Yeah, that's good. His name was Neville Neville. Now, I don't know. Like, that guy would now be 70 plus, mid-70s. Now, I don't know whether 70 years ago there was only a limited palette of names to choose between. But that seems like an unfair thing to do to another human being, especially one you're related to.

It seems, it does seem crazy. Like you doing, you doing that about yourself, sure. Carl, Carl. Carl, Carl. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I wonder, I wonder if that's happening modern day at all. Oh, yeah.

Like, is there anyone having a kid like today who's just like you're getting called out for it immediately whereas i feel like this guy neville neville he didn't have to their these parents never paid for it he was born in 19 he was born in 1949 so back then there's no social media yeah there might be a little bit of a whisper from the neighbors that's it it still sounds stupid yeah of course crazy there's no consequences it's not that different of a time that it's like we can find because it's like finding one person that thinks that's a good idea sure i can believe that but finding two people where it's a dialogue where it's like yeah this is the best possible name we can come up with like our surname you're but already this is so

this is what did i say the 50s or the late 40s you are in a period where i don't reckon anyone is saying your surname is that good your surname if your name's john neville no one has ever gone oh neville's, cool. Like, it's a pretty boring name. Well, that's the other side of it is that, like, yeah, you're talking about an era where, like, now everyone wants to give their kid kind of, like, interesting sort of, like, funky names. But 1949, you're calling your kid John. You're calling your kid Peter. You're calling your kid Tim.

You know what I mean? Yeah. calling your kid peter you're calling your kid tim you know what i mean yeah you wouldn't have had so neville would have other than the like yeah including the fact that it's like the same as the surname even if that even if their surname wasn't neville and you just called your kid neville in that era that would stick out now would you like to hear the story of how neville neville got his name not particularly i think you would okay uh. Here we go. I found it here. This is his son telling the story. Professional footballer. The story goes that she had my...

He's grandmother. She had my dad. She was in hospital and her sister was there and it was 24 hours after my dad had been born. As with most babies when they've been born, they put the name tag above the bed and it was Neville. And my nan was... her surname was neville obviously yep so one of the nurses walked in and said is this baby neville and my nan's sister went no that's the second name anyway my nan said i actually quite like it but my nan's sister goes that's ridiculous then the baby would be called

neville neville anyway if you say that to my nan that it's ridiculous and you couldn't do something well obviously she then goes well i'm going to do it then from that moment on the star is born and then that was it just because someone said to her that's a shit name you can't do that you can't do that because that's too shit yes i can so the kids was called neville Neville because someone walked in and went, imagine that being called that. That would be shit. Oh, you don't have to imagine.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the worst possible justification. If I was in that position and that's the story, it's like, what? You're just an asshole who just like has some fucking complex where you. Someone gave you the heads up. Yeah. Someone clued you in and said, this would be a terrible name,

hypothetically, in some bizarro world where you were trying to make your son sound like a fuckhead. That would be a bad idea. I honestly find, in that position, I would find it less annoying

to just be told, I thought it sounded cool. Yeah. Like if that was the reason, I'd be like, oh, that's, I mean, that's nothing. That's kind of annoying

and very wishy-washy, but I guess I'd be like, oh, that's, I mean, that's nothing. That's kind of annoying. Yeah. And very wishy-washy. But I guess I can't really argue with what you think. Yes. But being told, yeah, no, I just, literally I do the opposite of what people say. It's like, fucking grow up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Name yourself that then.

Yeah. Don't say. And it's like normally when you say to someone, when someone says, oh, you know, if you tell me I can't do something, then I just, you know, I'm determined to prove you wrong. They mean that about like a creative pursuit or like a, you know, they mean they're saying it in regards to like a challenge that they're setting for themselves. Yeah. Not just naming a child. It's the most low stakes fucking thing.

Yes. Anyway, that's how that happened. Matthew Neville, I imagine, would have a slightly different story. I'm hoping the story of his name wasn't someone walking past a baby and going, look at that baby. Imagine if it was called Matthew Neville. You can't call a baby Matthew. That would be fucking shit.

You can't call a baby Matthew. In this day and age, get real. Yeah, that would be a baby Matthew. That would be fucking shit. You can't call a baby Matthew. In this day and age, get real. Yeah, that would be a bad name. You can't call your baby Jamiroquai. It's a stupid name for a person. Matthew K. Neville. Well, thanks, Matthew Neville. Thanks, Matty.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Sorry, mate. This will be a better one. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Neeraj Dattani. Okay. N-I-R-A-J. Neeraj?

What do you think? Yep. That's it? Yep. I can't think of another option unless I fully go Neeraj. Oh, a Neeraj. A Neeraj. A Neeraj.

Neeraj. Neeraj. Neeraj. Yep. I think that's it. Yep. Any of those are acceptable, I believe. Do you think, I remember at school, anyone without the most obviously Anglo name would

always have, there'd always be a point where a teacher would just butcher it. Yep. And the kid would just get, the kid would get mocked. It's like, ah, that's your name, that's what we're calling you now. Yep. And you would have to assume that that's not happening anymore at school. They can't have like, they can't have someone coming in with just like, you know, a very difficult to pronounce non-white name and have a teacher fuck it.

No way. Like now it surely must be like, okay, you're coming in. Normally we come in a day before term. We're coming in two days before term now. Yeah. Because we have an entire day of just learning the pronunciation of every non-white Anglo kid in the class. It is, you know what, to it's a there's a bit like that so you know little blankets in in uh at kinder and she'll come home and tell me the names of her

friends and i'll be like no pronounce them properly and and then she's like you know she is and i'm like oh okay right i'm used to growing up with neville neville and stuff like that yeah yeah where you're going you know my kid just can't talk properly yet. She's just little. And then she's, it's like, oh, no, that's actually the name of it. Okay. All right. My bad. Sorry.

I just thought you were going to school with Simon and Mary Jane. Yeah, it would be good if you're like a kid and you've got like a pretty like out there name. And like in terms of your pronunciation of other things, if that's the first thing you're learning to say is like your own name. Yeah. And you've got like Neeraj, what was the surname? Neeraj Dhtani. You'd be invincible.

Yeah. You know what I mean? If that's an early thing you're introducing yourself to people as a little kid, and you get in your head around Neeraj Dhtani, nothing's going to trip you up. I'm looking up Neeraj Dhtani. I'm going, I'm hitting it. Let's see.

You're having a look in the Facebook?. You having a look in the Facebook? I'm having a look in the Facebook. Oh, yeah. Looking at the socials. What have we got? Let's see. We've got one that lives in Sydney. I'm going with that one.

I reckon it's the Sydney guy. I'm thinking it's not the Deputy Vice President at HDFC Bank. Fuck, that'd be alright. In Gemnaga. I'm thinking it's not the owner of NK Detarning and Associates in somewhere else.

There is a group on Facebook called the Neeraj Detarning Appreciation Society. Okay. Maybe we should join that. We should. We appreciate the... He's putting food on the table for us.

So, yeah, I mean, obviously we appreciate everyone who subscribes. Yeah. So, or maybe this group is just filled with people that he subscribes to their Patreon. And it's just all podcasts appreciating his support yeah there's 118 people in there oh there's a lot of uh yeah naraj is doing all right fuck you must you must be a trucker or something i didn't even know there were that many podcasts in the world yeah he's just on he's just driving trucks the whole time listen just binging podcasts all day every day yeah wow good on you for keeping podcasts afloat single-handedly, Niraj.

Yeah. You're quite a fucking dork. Yeah. I do think that that has been funny. What we've learned over the years of the people that listen to this show and listen to podcasts in general, you do get people that are doing long-haul trips, travels. Students and truckies.

Yeah. The truckie podcast crossover, you just never would have anticipated 20 years ago. No, no. 15 years ago, 10 years ago. Just, you know, you have the cliche of the truckies just being on speed or something. Yep. And playing slim, dusty cassettes in the hi-fi in the truck. And now probably still on speed

and one of those freaks that listens to podcasts at double speed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even though they've got nothing but time to kill. Yes. Still wanting to rip through all of them as quickly as possible. Yes, just going, I'm on speed, so they should be on speed as well. Yes, exactly. I'll pass them up as well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe you're on speed and you put us down at half speed. So then it like, you know, with your addled brain, it makes it sound like we're talking normally. Right. Yeah. Shout out to all the fine truckies across the land that are getting our freight across the nation. Yep. If this was a phone in right now.

It's good honest work. If this was a phone in right now, I'd be saying, ring in. Tell us what's in your truck. Oh, that's good. Yeah. What are you currently lugging around? What are you hauling right now? Yeah, I'd like to know that.

I did see a little bit of a conversation the other day when someone brought in some potatoes into a supermarket off a truck and they were going, wow, not bringing in as many today. There's a shortage. Which, have you seen any evidence of there being a shortage at this point of potatoes yeah where was i saying this recently i was uh i went to a new year's eve um barbecue and i was charged with bringing along some potato gems right went to like four or five supermarkets oh couldn't find a gem to save my life really yeah oh i haven't uh haven't actually seen

any because you know like remember when there was a lettuce shortage and they started putting in whacking in the cabbage into stuff at kfc yeah i haven't seen any um you know people shaving carrots into chips and bringing them to red rooster at this point yet i feel like i've i feel like i've seen people post pics of them being at like a Macca's and then being like, sorry, we don't have fries. Really? I feel like I've seen stuff like that on social media. I have not seen that.

Yeah. God. All right. Well, let us know. I genuinely, I haven't been hit by the potato shortage yet. No. I've kind of suspected maybe there isn't much of a shortage, but I really hope

I don't get bit in the ass. I know. How very privileged of you. I know. I bought a couple this morning. You're eating tons of them. You're fucking contributing to it. Yeah, I'm causing it.

The great potato famine. It's all due to Chando and his mash. Thanks, Naraj. Thanks, Naraj. Let's just do one more before you've got to hit the bricks, Tommy.

What are you doing after this? Well, I made plans to see my parents for lunch and did the best laid plans, even leaving what

you think is way too much of a buffer, still somehow ends up being never quite enough. Yep. Just way too much bitching before we turn on the fucking

podcast machine. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Neville Comedy. Neville Comedy? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Interesting.

That's a bit of a boring name. Comedy? Yeah. Yeah. I wonder how he got that name. Yeah. I mean, that's really weird. I thought the fifth subscriber might have been like, for example, say Comedy Comedy.

Yeah. No. It is a funny old life, isn't it? All right. Well, thanks, Neville. Thanks, everyone who subscribes and supports the show on Patreon. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for the link to the Patreon and the live shows that we have coming up.

Get yourself a ticket and come out and see us if we're coming to your part of the world. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.