The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 644 - Dave Thornton & Luke Heggie

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

This week we're joined by DAVE THORNTON and LUKE HEGGIE! We're speculating as to whether or not there'll be any complaints about Heggie's recent appearance on The Project, Dave's had to tread water hosting a gig at a winery, Chandler's planning Blanket's birthday party, Tommy's had a stressful performance at karaoke, we start planning the ultimate bucks party PLUS Tommy's found a bit of paper on the ground! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Luke Heggie and Dave Thornton. We have some live performances coming up around the country. Well, not really around it, just kind of like parallel to each other. But Saturday, March the 11th, we are in Adelaide at the Rhino Room. Tickets are actually selling, if you can believe that. Months ago at time of recording, and then we hop on down, we travel down the highway to Melbourne, Australia, and we do one every Saturday in the month of April, sort of basically.

It's the 1st of April, 8th, 15th, and 22nd. All raging, red-hot live shows that we've started to book guests for already, and it's looking excellent as per usual. So get along and come say hi. And, man, they're really fun shows to come to. Yeah, check all that out, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Luke Heggy and Dave Thornton.

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl. Yes, g'day Dickhead. Joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Dave Thornton and Luke Heggy.

Yes. Nick Cody was busy. Here we go. The Project's own, Luke Heggie. Yes. Nick Cody was busy. Here we go. The project's own, Luke Heggie, just fresh off the desk of the project. Thank you very much. Yeah, big panel. He's still got the blazer on as well.

Very nice. You keep it. Well, I mean, you know, you work on work sites. What's high vis, but just like a very bright blazer? You know, it's the same thing. What?

What are you? Fuck off. Blazer is, you've worn a blazer. I've seen you in a blazer. It's the same thing. What? What are you... Fuck off. Blazer is... You've worn a blazer. I've seen you in a blazer. No, I haven't. No? I've never had...

I'd love to have worn a blazer because then I'd be on TV or something. When he started standing up, he was wearing pyjamas. Let's not get lofty about the fact that he won't touch a blazer. That's a nighttime blazer. Are you talking about his wedding photos?

What's the difference between a suit jacket and a blazer? Is there a distinction? It's all in the trousers, isn't it? The the difference between a suit jacket and a blazer? Is there a distinction? It's all in the trousers, isn't it? The trousers don't match, it's a blazer. So as soon as you've got the suit jacket on, you're just casual pants. Wear a blazer with jeans.

It's a blazer. Like some of the best stand-ups do. T-shirt underneath, no less. Funny T-shirt too. I love the funny T-shirt. Gotta have a little joke. Roger Ramjet maybe. When I first started comedy,

an established comedian told me that I should, because of my persona, have a funny t-shirt just to break the odds I walked on. The suggestion was like a Mr. Happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you this, did I tell you? Before I'm a curly one. Yeah, just like that.

He's not happy at all. Because it's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And beautiful because... I'll get that. Beautiful because there's no actual sort of and beautiful because I'll get that beautiful because there's no actual sort of like reveal

because you're just wearing that and it's just a thing someone's wearing and then half an hour into your act they're like oh I guess that is

a contrast imagine the inverse someone who's like comes on and is really like happy-go-lucky like g'day everyone and then they're wearing a t-shirt that says

Mr. Sad Cunt that I would enjoy that actually is a good bit very briefly because you were on the project last night when we were recording this and then they're wearing a t-shirt that says Mr. Sad Cunt. That I would enjoy. That actually is a good bit. Very briefly, because you were on the project last night when we were recording this, but it just reminded me of something. So I'm the inverse. I'm the behind the scenes one day a week in there.

And I wasn't there when... Cleaner? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I clean up some stuff. Clean up the bloody mess. There we go. There we go. No, sometimes I have to do the inbox of all, like,

so if I was in today, I'd be dealing with all the complaints about you, for example. Fuck, I wish you were in there. Yeah, it'd be good. What do you think is coming in about Heggie? Oh, I didn't see what he did last night, but you would have picked on someone that they would have been up in arms about.

Well, funnily enough, we're just talking about idiots. Yeah, idiots. I use the term idiot. I've got Grogan in. I said Grogan. Grogan's a very Sydney phrase. I never grew up with a Grogan. Really?

Grogan Bogan? I would have, if I'd have picked... No, Grogan's a shit. Yeah. Like a turd. You grew up in Geelong. I would have thought that's where that was invented almost.

Yeah. It sounds like a Geelong word. Like just actual turds. Well, it all heads down that way, doesn't it? So, yeah. Such a great word, Grogan. When I go to an Indian restaurant, it's not even my favourite Like just actual dirt. Well, it all heads down that way, doesn't it? So, yeah. Such a great word, Grogan.

When I go to an Indian restaurant, it's not even my favourite dish, but I'll order a Grogan Josh if it's on the menu. I've got to have it just so I can say Grogan Josh. Just to say it. Yeah, right. For Mr. Happy there at Table 5. Yeah, there he is. Having a bloody ball. Well, anyway, I bring it up because it reminded me,

there's a bloke I always have to deal with it where a guy emails the the project every day every day um to like the people that email the project would be people who got complaining about the night before saying can i have more info on that thing the night before that sort of thing and then what's a grogan yeah yeah yeah and then um there's a one guy who every day emails in at like you know nine o'clock to tell the project who has died overnight. And they'll just send a link. But not just like, oh, I just heard this or whatever. They'll send a link from the ABC website going, fucking Roger Moore died.

And it's like, yeah, cunt, you're sending it from one news outlet to another news outlet. If ABC knows about that, we know about it. I'll miss a few celebrity deaths. I need to get him to look me in on that we know about it I miss a few celebrity deaths I need to get him to fucking send him to me I thought you meant

get him to put you you know sneak you in there one day no no no just sneak my email onto the thread CC in at lukehege at

yeah whatever not just my word yeah I'd love to know I miss some yeah right if you're on them early like to get your RIPs

of course because you get on that's your way of plugging your shows You say RIP Roger Moore I miss you already Come and see me in Toowoomba Yes Yeah

And it goes alright A few complaints If you get on early enough You end up on some sort of Fucking list of Not even celebrity list or anything Just a list of All these

Tributes were pouring in Yeah yeah The embedded tweet And I haven't read through the whole thing. I just go, and I've been on a couple of them before. Have you really? Have you really?

Yeah. Just to be like, Luke Heggy, what an open heart. Not even, I haven't got a following or anything. It's just I was on that, like within minutes.

If you fucking happen to be on there, bang, fucking got it, you get one. What do you reckon, can you remember, your gig in Mackay just turns up on the background of the ABC News report.

Yeah, yeah, great. Have you ever had like a prolific death happen and you're there firing off the tweet and then you're like, fuck, I don't have anything coming up in the calendar to plug. Just quickly on the phone like, can I do a gig next week so I can plug it in my obituary? I end up plugging an open mic note or something. Or the opposite. You've got to move some units. You just get a hitman to take out someone from Neighbours. Oh, yeah. If I can just get on here. It's a long way of getting around here, but if got to move some units. You just get a hitman to take out someone from Neighbours.

Oh, yeah. If I can just get on here. It's a long way of getting around here, but if I can move some units. See you, Harold. I got attacked. I don't know how it happened. I was on this one early, too. That basketball dude who was in a helicopter.

Kobe. Oh, man. People didn't like that. No. Like his fans and that. Yeah, people loved him. And also sometimes One of them's probably

Just here right here Mate to be honest I posted and regretted it I think I deleted it Because I was like What am I doing Who cares You know what I mean

I always think Just grieve on your own Yeah It's fine Oh people were angry And I didn't have a show on So I was like Why am I posting

Yeah I don't get it That's a great complaint mate If you're going to do this At least have a fucking plug On the back there At the very least Yeah This is in poor taste If you don't get it that's a great complaint mate if you're going to do this at least have a fucking plug on the back there at the very least yeah

this is in poor taste if you don't have a solo show to sell yeah it's in poor taste to not be making money off the back of someone else's dick talking about deaths

because life goes on I have a trial show coming up yeah yeah talking about deaths I've got three in tonight so if you can come along actually talking about deaths on stage,

this is a gig where this little ray of sunshine just threw me something up there. It's just some positive... Mr. Happy over here. Positive vibes he was throwing up on stage. That was one of the best days of my life. Oh, here we go. I've almost never seen you laugh as much.

Oh, into the night. It's fantastic. Grapes of Mirth is a gig that Merrick Watts runs. So you turn up to wineries and then the shows happen all afternoon and people get slowly sozzled. Well, sometimes quickly sozzled. In the sun.

In the sun. And usually it happens over one day and you pack it up by six or something like that and hightail it out of there before everyone gets real loose. And they've got a DJ playing there so people can get really hammered. And we were lucky to be a part of the one that happened over a full weekend so people were turning up to this winery in south australia getting bussed there getting hammered all saturday and it went till 10 at night or something and then

back the next day right and i'm trying to think did this happen on the saturday or the sunday i was only there one on the saturday on the saturday i thought so so then thornton was emceeing for like six hours. It was fucking awesome. So Merrick goes, oh, you can host this one because I've got too many things going on in the background. It would just wreck my head. I've got too many spinning plates. You can host it.

I was like, yeah, it sounds great. But it was one of the longest days of comedy to ever occur. They were having really big breaks because other things were on, like you were recording your podcast and other bits. So they'd take breaks for an hour an hour and a half and then get back

on stage and so people are getting hammered and you've just got to slowly come on guys everyone sit down and I'd spend

longer and longer each time between the breaks and doing that they admitted that they'd just set up a bit wrong where they put a band

on in the afternoon and everyone was having some fun and then we had to get everyone back to get the stand up always good stop having fun guys oh totally on in the afternoon and everyone was having some fun and then we had to get everyone back to get the stand up always good

stop having fun guys oh totally try turning off a DJ and starting fucking comedy it's pretty oh man I've done it

it's no good I think I said it to you I said even in a festival that's sold as a stand up comedy festival we're the lowest ranking officer even people come

just for us and are like nah I want that person to play Beyonce again oh there's music here thank god yeah yeah I thought I was that person to play Beyonce again. Oh, there's music here? Thank God. I thought I was just going to be watching fucking podcasts all day.

And it's everything you think of that would happen at a winery like that. Like I'm getting back on stage. People are all up. They haven't realised the DJ's finished. And there's just hammered people. Like guys with the wraparound sunglasses on that are sitting there trying to get some skirt and then there's middle-aged women with those leopard pants

having a big 50th out there probably on the rosés and they're looking at me, they're furious big feels, like Serengeti this is the big five take them out so I get back on and it's just,

it's not even at this point in time, you're not even telling them anything they need to know. You're just saying to everyone, can you please just sit down? Yeah.

And you've just got to kill time up on stage while you're doing it. Like there's no, you can't do material. There's no point in trying to sell anything. There's nothing an MC

could normally do at a stand-up comedy night that you can do other than come on guys, it'd just be really nice if you sat down. You could rip out some obituaries. Hey, did you guys hear Roger

Moore died this morning? Tragic stuff isn't it? Now please sit down. I mean for the love of, for Palais just out of respect. How do I link to sitting down? He's under the ground, you could just be sitting on top of it. Come on please. So there's that sitting down right

and I am treading water just up there like a human piñata trying to work it out. He's got a couple of mates in the crowd, so he's sitting with them, but he's off on my peripheral, off to my left. Fucking 100 metres away. Like a long, like... Fair way away.

And there's genuinely... Sniper distance I'm seeing coming up. There's genuinely a thousand people that... Not everyone's playing up. There's genuinely a thousand people that, not everyone's playing up. There's probably about, I don't know, 40 people who are dancing and having a good time, but the rest of them, seriously, a thousand people. Yep.

So I'm just panning around the crowd, trying to take my mind off the fact of how fucked this whole situation is. And for some reason, I just turn. Heggie's sitting there with a big Cheshire Cat smile, just with his middle finger up like this. Just mouthing, fuck off. I'd already been on.

I just said to my mate, Thornton turns around here, I'm going to give him the finger, and fucking two seconds later he's looked at me and he's like... You were referenced on a podcast I was listening to recently him the finger And fucking two seconds later He's looked at me And he's like You were referenced on a podcast I was listening to recently It was Cam James telling a story That he's told on here

About doing a gig in Newcastle And Rove getting him to go out And do a little dance with him And the end of the story is He walks off stage And you're the first person he sees And you just look at him and go You are pathetic

And everyone else on the show went, Heggie never gets you when you've had a good one, does he? He's always there for the bad ones. Never gets you after a win. How does he know? Oh, he's the best. Mate, but I had no option when I was up there. I said, what a great afternoon it's been.

Everyone smashed it except for Luke Heggie. What was that? I don't think anyone there knew that I was looking at you or giving you a wink. Absolutely threw him under the bus. One time I saw Ray Badron in Sydney, and he was at the Sculptures by the Sea. It's like a November time.

Big thing around the beaches of the east, there's sculptures. Anyway, a whole lot of people walking around there and that. And he was, this was a long time ago he was told to do a bit of networking with a high ranking MICF staff member who was visiting

and his management said nah it'd be a good idea to go for a walk with them and you know they want to see Sculpture by the Sea they're in town for a bit do it right

and he goes oh fuck alright and he did it and he's walking along thinking nah everyone can give me shit they're out of town nah there's no one

nah I think I'll be alright and fucking who's there thinking, no, everyone can give me shit. They're out of town. No, there's no one. No, I think I'll be all right. And fucking who's there? Big sculpture fan. No, I was with my mum. I just walked past and go, hello, Ray. I love that he's the more embarrassed person rather than you walking with your mum down the beach. I like it.

It's the comedy version of Jason Bourne when he sees another hitman. He goes, well, there's a shark in the beach. I like it. It's the comedy version of like Jason Bourne when he sees another hit man. He goes, well, there's a shark in the tank. It's like, what are we doing here? No, but Heggie's like Forrest Gump.

He's not just in the background of like these iconic moments. It's just people embarrassing themselves. Yeah. Having a shit one. Heggie's just in the background. Yeah.

And in my mind, your mum is just you. With a bit longer hair going he looks like a tip rat yeah thanks Mrs. Eggie I like the idea that this is all

like you know decided truth now where you go next time you have a shit gig you're there going fucking where is he he must be here

he must be here this isn't how bad I am he must be in the room he's making this happen that's it mid set you're having the worst bomb of your life and you just unravel.

You're like, you're in a different city. You know for a fact that Heggie's got a gig in Sydney that night, but you're just like, where is he? Fucking show yourself. That's great. Bombing and then being unhinged on top of that, just standing up and going, where's Heggie? What the fuck is going on?

Mid-bomb, blaming someone else for your bomb. That's fucking, that's great work. I forgotbomb blaming someone else for your bomb. That's fucking great work. I forgot about the James Bond for a while. It's good. That was a good day. Yeah. I wish I'd seen it. Brilliant.

Real good. Hey, you've got... This is something I don't think we've ever brought up on this show about you. What I love, the complaints form on your website. Oh, yeah. So you've got have you filled one out no I haven't

because well as I'll explain so what is it it's the deal where you know everyone can have their say everyone can complain

about whatever you've done stand up wise TV whatever it is so you've got your own complaint form templated on your website but the only thing is

it costs a dollar no it's No it's free It's free now Yeah I charge a dollar For a while But then I just I'm mad at the people I'm like fucking have it

There you go We're in a recession Yeah yeah yeah Gotta make it easy I'm looking after The working classes It's like free But like suggested donation

You know if you feel No no no Just rattling the box On your own website I would actually love that Because imagine someone Just put 20 bucks In your account And you're like This is that. Can you imagine if someone just put $20 in your account and you're like, this is going to be a doozy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they've given me $20, I'll be like, I am unloading on it. Well, that's great because you get the notification first from the bank. $20 has come in and then you get the notification of the email. You're like, I might just hold off on the email for a bit until I'm a bit more mentally sound. And you know when the money goes in there, you're like, what's it for? It'll just be for you, fuckface.

And you're like, this is going to be a humbucker. Well, I had it on, it's on Survey Monkey. I need some tech help to get it off that because they only let you have 50 and you've got to start paying them.

Oh, right. So there's a bunch more complaints that I haven't read because I can't read them. Oh, really? Yeah. You haven't even read all the complaints?

I don't read them. I'm not paying to fucking read. I was going to put together some pie charts because they're really cunty questions. Yeah. It's like, I don't like comedy because my dad used to bash me.

But there's very few answers that are, you know. Yeah. What else did your son send in? Yeah. Got it. That's good. Yes. Oh, Dan, that's good.

RIP fatherhood. I'm going to show them coming up. Oh, yes. For a second I was like, fuck, has he got daughters or sons or one of each? Fuck. Yeah. What do you think has taken up the most of the pie chart when you're saying? What's a common thread?

Funnily enough, it's fucking mostly friendly fire, which annoyed me. People wanting attention. There's only a few genuine ones. And if you get that far, surely you know it's facetious once it's a multi-choice. Right. You know, I'm unhappy because my love left while I was at the mines, that sort of thing. So you were hoping for actual aggression from people. Well, some people didn't fill out the whole thing, just went, you're a fuckhead cunt and stuff like that.

There you go. No, that's a genuine one. They've skipped all the multi-choice. Yeah, but what did your daughter say? Oh, fuck me. This is why he's a genuine one. They've skipped all the multi-choice. Yeah, but what did your daughter say? Oh, fuck me. This is why he's in hot demand. This is why I'm cleaning up the inbox of the project. Je déteste une papa.

Well, speaking of, so you're both fathers. I'm holding my very first proper birthday party for my kid. My kid's turning, little blanket's turning four. Because of the pause then, you were like, I'm holding my first proper child. I'm giving it a shot. We're getting her circumcised. It's time.

Muzzle top. Are you Jewish? No. Birthday party coming up in a week and a half's time. So any tips appreciated. So fourth, this is the first sort of conscious birthday party coming up in a week and a half's time. So any tips appreciated. So fourth, this is the first sort of conscious birthday party. So this is the, you know, three years she was sort of a bit like not really knowing what the fuck's going on, I think.

But fourth is like people are properly invited. There's proper, you know, there's proper cake, there's proper decorations. Little friends from daycare and stuff. Friends from daycare. Was this floated as like a, was this floated to blanket like, hey, what do you think? How about a little birthday party? Or was this just like, guess what?

You're having a party on your fourth birthday. No, I think over the last year she's figured out what her birthday is. And she's like, fucking, this is what's happening. It's birthday party time. This is overshadowed at Christmas. We're coming up to the lead up to Christmas. It's like, yeah, but how far away is the birthday? And I'm like saying to her, you don't fucking get it here.

You're going to get so many presents for Christmas. You're going to sort of get fuck all for your birthday. But there's Santa happening here, which means you get fucking tons. You're only getting one present from us for your birthday. So you're really focusing on the wrong, you're burying the lead here. She's in that zone which always sucked for some kids where it's like the birthday quite close to Christmas. That's me. No one's giving a fuck.

It's not that far though. I'm December 13th. I'm 21st. 21st. Yeah, that's rough stuff. Yeah, that's close. That's properly close. Fuck you.

This explains the heggy origins to me. This is furious. He never got the attention. This is what happens when you combine presents. It used to get pitched to me as a kid. He's like, no, that's the longest day of the year. You've got a bloody bonus. Fuck. Oh, it's the longest Day of the year You've got a bloody bonus Oh it's the longest

Day of the year everyone So it's by about a second Right No that's not good enough Yeah yeah I was on holidays Someone was looking For a complaints list

To North Pole Yeah You dog You fat loser Actually that would have Been cool as a kid You're never at school On your birthday

No That is awesome Yeah but No but you're not Around your mates. Exactly. They're away on holiday and you didn't really get much of a time. Exactly. Your birthday's about getting people telling you happy birthday. Whereas

what are you getting mum and dad fucking saying it to you? Who cares? Some of us too. Mum's taking me on my yearly walk along the beach for my birthday. Maybe we might spot and open my comedian. Darling,

we got you these sculptures. Who's that over there? It's one of your little friends from school. Who's that he's with? Roger! He didn't even say happy birthday.

Oh, oh, happy birthday. God bless him. But what have you got lined up? So You've got like a You've got a clown coming in

Or What are we talking? We've got Fancy Castle Face painter Okay Alright nice one Face painter

We've got Some sort of balloon Sort of thing happening I think We've got Some sort of balloon thing I don't know It's not my department A balloon animal

Someone making balloon animals Maybe I think You must be in touch with some Like child comedian You know what I mean Like children's Yeah yeah Entertainer. You must be in touch with some child comedian, you know what I mean? Like children's entertainer types. There must be a few. They're fucking good.

Well, yeah, I guess. I've gotten a couple. You don't have to like them. Kids fucking love it, man. Have you done that? Have you hired them? I got one in Sydney. It was a comic.

And my kid was about six, I suppose, at the time. And they fucking loved it. He was great. Short and snappy, like an hour and a half, two hour party, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, this is... But they're four. This is a four year old.

I reckon stand-ups are a bit much for a four year old. They don't do stand-up, you fuckhead. Well, what do they do? I don't know. They do games and shit. Yeah. They're kids entertainers, man. They're not a comic.

You truly thought he was telling a story about getting stand-up at his kids' expense? Well, I don't know. No, no, no. Like kids in a tank. Like dressing up in a superhero outfit. Whatever. Oh, that's different. Like Harley's Captain Feathersword thing that he's done.

Oh, not Captain Feathersword. That's the Wiggles. What's Harley's one? Anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. Captain Jumper Pants or something. Yeah, yeah, something.

Something nearly litigious. Something with farts, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything. Farts. No, I don't have that. I don't have that. We've got face painting. We've got, I think, balloon animals or something. We, yeah, yeah. Anything. Farts. No, I don't have that. I don't have that. We've got face painting.

We've got, I think, balloon animals or something. We've got the piñata. Man, you've got heaps of shit. Yeah, we've got... Yeah, that is a lot. Yeah, sausages, big cake, a lot of bullshit.

Here's the thing. But because she's four and she's not four yet, it's like, who's her fucking friends? Because you say, who do you hang out with at school? It's like, oh, the teachers.

It's like, oh, cool. Right, we'll invite them, won't we? So, like, she just, like, I'm like, you've got to tell us who your mates are so that we can invite them. And then it's this weird thing with, I don't know if you guys have come across this sort of thing, but instead of, like, going, oh, right, well,

Wobbsy, we'll get fucking, invite Wobbsy around. Well, what's Wobbsy's parents' phone number? Well, we can't give you that. All we can do is, like, if you send us the message, we can be the intermediaries. So does she catch a fucking bus to school or something? How do you not know any other kid or any other parent at school? We don't know the parents.

Well, how would we know the parents? When you drop them off, it's so high. Do you drop off for pick-ups? Yeah. Your daughters never mention another kid's name? No, but they do. But then you go, fuck, well, how do we know all of them? If we've missed some of them?

How do we get the message out is the main thing it's like buy some pieces of paper yeah we did yeah okay and then you give them to her and then you come home and the bag's full of fucking invites still and then you start to go all right well how do we fucking get this across you give them to the teacher so here's the problem right and to be honest in my mind because you i've known you running a comedy room for close to 10 years now i imagine you at the daycare going, fucking put a poster up, put a sandwich board out. Is there anything, is there a Palmer offer that you've got

that you could parlay in with this party? You need to hire a flyer for your kid. I was. Just a second four-year-old to follow around. To be honest, yes, in hindsight, I was going, this is not a very efficient process in here in terms of event management in this fucking kindergarten. This should be a lot more streamlined.

Let's get this birthday party up on Eventbrite. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally management in this fucking kindergarten. This should be a lot more streamlined. Let's get this birthday party up on Eventbrite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Get this thing popping. We're three parties in a night.

One's at 7, the other one's at 8.30. You've just got to clear everyone out. Get them in, get them out. Guys, a big famous four-year-old off the TV

is going to be there. Get him. Don't miss this. Guaranteed great night out. One of the molly grubs he's turning up is going to sneak in and do some new stuff.

Molly grubs He's turning up He's going to sneak in Do some new stuff Molly grubs Jesus So So And I'm like Yeah And then an email came out Because I didn't realise

You could do this Because there's a fucking email thing And you're in a group or whatever And then someone's put an invite In the invite In the group thing And that's come out Like oh everyone's invited

To fucking this Four year old's kid same day as my kid's birthday oh they're fucking trumping me because I didn't know that you could

fucking do that so then they've pinched half the fucking crowd because they've got on the email they're using the mailing list

yeah plus everyone's invited yeah and it's like oh it's a free-for-all fucking whoever wants to come can come

of course you're going to have to huh yeah yeah well I didn't know it's on that whatsapp it's the whatever the kind. Yeah, well, I didn't know. It's not on WhatsApp. It's whatever the kinder group mail-out thing.

I didn't know I could do that. I thought, you know when they send up the... Oh, they're using the mailing list and you didn't know. Yeah, you know when they send up every day the photos? Yes, yes. Because we've talked about this before because when I first came across this about a year or two ago, I was like, you get the photos and you go,

there's fucking 72 pictures and not one picture of my fucking kid. What is going on? So they're using that same process to send out double bookings to fucking make sure cunts are not coming to my fucking kid's birthday party. Well, you're going to have to up the events then, make it more attractive.

Yeah, well. That's true. Well, here's the thing. Because I'm doing it old school style. I'm still flyering, right? I'm putting the flyers in the bag and then... QR code on the flyer? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Saying to a blanket, you know, hand these out to the kids you like or whatever and then what happened was what we find out in hindsight is that then the teacher started helping you going okay there you go and then some fucking kid goes what's that and they go oh it's a birthday party oh i want one of them and so this kid takes it home and then we and it's got a message on it saying, oh, if you want to confirm, please text, don't say her name on 0438, whatever. So my wife's getting all the RSVPs going,

oh, you know, Wobbsyette's fucking turning up and whatever. It's like, oh, great, you know, we've heard of her and whatever. Anyway, all of a sudden we get the text and my wife goes, oh, good news. Good news, blanket. Daniel's coming.

And my three-year-olds are like, I hate Daniel. Oh. Why is Daniel coming? Oh. That news, blanket. Daniel's coming. And my three-year-olds are like, I hate Daniel. Why is Daniel coming? That's my enemy. It's like because the kids just heard about the party and gone, why aren't I fucking coming to a party? So now she's got like 10, 15 friends coming, all girls, and this one cunt that fucking throws rocks at them or whatever.

Wow. So her enemy's coming to her fucking birthday party. Strong move. This is tough because I actually was thinking my – This kid's coming to a fucking birthday party strong move this is tough because i actually was thinking my uh this kid's gonna be a ceo or something sorry that's and how are you gonna because my uh my girlfriend's nephew he's like four and he's had things where he's like come back from daycare and he's like yeah i hate daycare some of the other kids are mean to me and i just think like if i ever have a kid if i I'm hearing that, I'd go fucking berserk.

I'd be going in there and kicking the shit out of... Like if I heard that my kid was having a kid be mean to them, I wouldn't fucking deal with it. But now you've got this cunt coming into the lion's den. Yeah.

He's on your home turf. I'm on unsure ground though because sometimes she'll come home and say, oh, such and such hit me at school today. I'll be like, really? And then she'll go, oh yeah, and a dragon turned up to school as well.

Yeah, okay. Well, see, now you've lessened your point here. Like, I don't know. If the dragon didn't come, maybe someone didn't hear you. So I don't know what to fucking believe here. You should be a judge or a policeman with that attitude. Nothing gets past Detective Chandler here. There was that time that you did lie, so.

Yeah, she said she was assaulted, but she also said it was 25 degrees, and it was kind of more like 27, so... It was raining. Throw the whole thing out. Yeah, you're on a... Look, I'm shaking my umbrella, it's wet. I think it's high teens at most. So, yeah, how are you going to...

So, it is all girls. Yeah. It's all little girlies, and then this Daniel can't come in. Yes. And this is his real name, I assume. Oh, yeah, how are you going to... So it is all girls. Yeah. It's all little girlies and then this Daniel can't come in. Yes. And this is his real name, I assume. Oh, yeah. I changed everyone else's name to Viv. So blanket and don't say your name.

Daniel Smith at 715. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Waddle Tree Road. Yeah, I don't know where he lives, but anyway, Daniel. Oh, yeah, well, if you see a three-year-old down the street that's looking a bit mean called Daniel in Hawthorne, fucking hit him for me. If he's got a rock in his hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know you've got the guy. Yeah, yeah, Daniel. Oh, yeah. Well, if you see a three-year-old down the street that's looking a bit mean called Daniel in Hawthorne, fucking hit him for me. If he's got a rock in his hand, you know you've got the guy.

So push him into a storm water drain or something. Yeah, fuck him. Yeah. So you feel like you've got to be on high alert with this kid coming through the house. I reckon he's not coming through the house. We're doing it apart. Oh, you're doing it apart. Yeah.

So I reckon I could, I don't know. What can I get away with? Get the stick and go, oh, sorry, Daniel. I thought you were a piñata. I was just trying to get lollies out of your gut, you're doing it apart. Yeah, so I reckon I could, I don't know, what can I get away with? Get the stick and go, oh, sorry, Daniel thought you were a piñata. He was just trying to get lollies out of your gut, you little cunt. I mean, it's stressful for you because you've now presumably, you've just got to be monitoring the situation all day, right? That's going to be in the back of your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're trying to put on the makeup and dress up as Bozo the Clown whilst just seeing this in the corner of your eye. Wouldn't that be good? Yeah, him just going near the rocks, you're like, you fucking get away from there, you little cunt. You pick one up, give me a reason. Would you save a buck by doing, you'd be the clown? No. More John Wayne Gacy.

How good would that be? Oh, yeah. Those kids know what a duck sandwich is. Yeah, kids, it's pyjamas, the clown, here he is. I feel like that would be more of a thing that would be hired by you cunts rather than kids. I think you guys would get way more of a kick out of it than three of us. I'll come.

Imagine Gary Chook just turning up, blowing the dust off that character. He's getting out there. Because you do have, you've got your own stand-up, then you've got your bawdy, R-rated character. It's time that you did go the other way and have a child's Chandler. Well, especially when you have a career that's not going onwards and upwards. That's generally what a lot of people do,

is all of a sudden bust out the fucking kids. Yeah. Kids, clowning, whatever. A lot of one-liners about bums. Yeah, yeah. A lot of riddles about wheeze. It kills in the bath. I'm in trouble with the wife

because now the kid just walks around the house all the time. Like, mum will say, oh, it's time for dinner. And she'll go, all right, bum face. And she's like, fuck, where'd you get that from? I wonder. Oh, you reckon that's bad? My youngest, literally my eldest came out

and she said, the eldest cleaned it up. She just used F, but she said to the youngest, she goes, came out and she said the eldest cleaned it up, she just used F but she said to the youngest she goes, you're a fuck sister she's four. Wow, really? That's awesome. Four, okay alright, alright. Yeah, so Because we've been sort of acting like we're bulletproof at the moment, there's F bombs

being thrown around the house and she hasn't really picked up on it yet because we're kind of thinking for some reason she just won't pick up on that but that sounds like it's not far off. That freaks me out, being around people with kids where they're just going for it and so then you sort of go like,

oh, okay, I guess this is all right and then I said get fucked. You get blamed for it. It never feels good. No, you get blamed for that. Yeah. It's kind of like that thing where it's like, I can do it because it's my kid

but you had to swear in front of my child. It's like hitting them, thing where it's like, I can do it because it's my kid, but you had to swear in front of my child. It's like hitting them, isn't it? Well, it doesn't matter with your kid because what's French for cunt? No one will know anyway. Well, they've got a different relationship with swearing. It's not as sort of taboo and therefore popular there than it is here.

Oh, it doesn't? Because your kids are French. Yeah. So what's swear words in French? They don't really do it much. Really? It's not as big a deal. Yeah.

My wife does sometimes, but like it's... What would your kids do in this situation? So would the enemy of your kids turn up to your party because they're French, would they just immediately surrender the party and just give up? Here we go. Run off backwards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just get some German kids to come through and they have to evacuate Your four year old Would be smoking Drinking a red wine Just really Drinking the red cordial

Yeah yeah Smoke one of those Fads Give me a few years I will resist these Yeah Her fad's gone Nanny state come for them

Yeah maybe I think they're still around Are they Fake cigarette Yeah Kids fake cigarettes Because I'm going to go shopping For the pinata soon So I've got to find out

What is the go What do you What do kids want You know Flying out of a fucking Donkey's guts Big boss cigars Really

Remember big boss cigars Hell yeah They must be gone They must be gone I think they may be gone Yeah So I assume There's just like

What a section Of different pinatas and ranked by what kind of lollies are in there, right? What do you mean? Section of? Do you think there's more than one pinata at the party? No, you don't get a selection, I don't think. No.

At the shop, it's just whatever's there. But you're saying what do they want in it? Are you making it? No, no, no, no, no. It's bought. I already bought one. I bought one ages ago because i didn't i'd never seen one in a shop before and i was like that'll come in handy to

birthday some point but the only problem is is piñata season's coming up i'd better get in quick yeah wait how long ago well this is this pre-inception no you know what i bought little i bought little liverpool kids been sitting there since oh two there's tamagotchis who've died inside i bought liverpool gear for my kid like when i had a kid fucking 10 years ago i was just sitting I've bought little Liverpool kids. It's been sitting there since 2002. There's Tamagotchis who've died inside that thing. I bought Liverpool gear for my kid when I had a kid fucking 10 years ago. I was just sitting there for fucking ages and all of a sudden the kid's finally grown into it. It's like, even the kid's like,

that's a severely out of date Liverpool kid. We don't have that sponsor anymore. That's very old. I'll tell you, with a piñata, don't underestimate how fucking unco kids are and it's quite dangerous. They'll be swinging a broomstick around their fucking head. Yeah.

They'll hit a mother-in-law or another kid. Because they've got to be blindfolded, don't they? I agree with you because they're all lined up, aren't they? Because they really want to get into it.

But then you've got to drag them all back and give one kid like a smack. Well, it sounds to me... There's three hits. You're only allowed three hits. Oh, is that it? Well, I mean,

it can be as many hits as you want or whatever, but it sounds like that Daniel, it's always a boy who grabs it and you're like, you're not hitting the piñata and you're hitting everyone around you. Well, I mean, it can be as many hits as you want or whatever, but it sounds like that Daniel, it's always a boy, who grabs it and you're like, you're not hitting the piñata and you're hitting everyone around you. Well, other way around. Blanket has the stick or maybe, you know, Carl has the stick.

Adults getting involved. You got the blindfold on? Oh, whoops. Sorry, Daniel. Oh, yes. I've just battered you by accident because I couldn't see. Maybe we sent out a specific invite to Daniel. The theme of the party is dress like a piñata.

So all of a sudden we've got an alibi. Everyone kicks the shit out of this little cunt. We've got fucking liver as a gift this time. That's weird. Imagine if this kid did go missing. I think we'd better re-record another episode. Don't think we can put this one out. This looks bad.

What we talked about last week was a different Daniel. Yeah. A different school. Yeah. He's actually 50. Can we... I know it's a pain in the ass to edit. Can we change his name to Malcolm or something?

Yeah. Just put that over the top of it? Yeah. And actually say that my daughter loves him? Yeah. Yeah, sure. Let's flip the entire episode. Yeah. So you've got this piñata that's been sitting there for like been there for six months so this is almost it's almost um the thing where this is this is what happened on

the on the this is what will happen on the farm you get a you you befriend a lamb or whatever and you go oh great oh look at this little lamb and you play with it and all of a sudden it's like yeah now we have to chop it up for food it's like no we can't do that it's our pet now this is what's happening with the piñata. The piñata's been sitting there for fucking six months. Oh, she doesn't want to take a bat to it. The piñata's like a little friend because it's like a little rainbow, a really cool thing.

It's like, no, we're taking that out to kick the shit out of it next week. There's going to be so much trauma at this party. You're going to have to paint it. Just paint a different colour the day before so she doesn't know. Yeah. She has a different one. Just, just. You have one ran off.

It's gone from this white rainbow thing to just daddy dipping it in black paint yeah that's even more disturbing yeah

yeah fuck well this is exciting I'm excited to hear how this all goes any tips yeah so you've held birthday parties yeah

you can get it all man just keep it short don't listen to parents and their fucking dietary requirements for their kids this is I got a couple of tips this is the tip tips I got exactly like you Just keep it short. Don't listen to parents and their fucking dietary requirements for their kids. This is... I've got a couple of tips.

This is the tip. Tips I got. Exactly like you said, keep it short. So we've got a window of 12, two or two. I'm just going to cook sausages and then we're going to have

like a fruit platter and then that's about it. Yeah. And then there's... Because that offsets the... This is what I've been told. That offsets the fact that there's a million lollies

coming out of a fucking pinata's guts. Have some bananas and apples on the table. Have your birthday cake. Cut the cake early is what I got told. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes? Yeah. You don't want to be rushing around at the end.

Cut the cake at one. And then free time. Fuck them off. They can run around. Also, don't have the cake in hiding and then bring it out and cut it up for the kids. Because there's no one... Like, it's just stupid where people just bring your cake out and like in an hour we'll eat that yeah yeah yeah

oh fair enough yeah yeah I'll set my watch right yeah like it'd be like you're at the pub now just

that bar will be open in an hour is it drop off or have you got other parents staying is what sorry is it just drop off

or you got other parents no no I don't think you have drop offs at four do you I don't know I don't know I don't know what the rule offs at four, do you? We do. I don't know. Don't know.

I don't know what the rule is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we do. No, no. I think parents are going to exploit it. Parents loitering around. You've got to fucking cater for them. Parents are coming, yeah.

Those greedy pricks will want a sausage and everything. Well, I bought a couple of slabs today. Bought a heap of fucking, ordered a heap of sausages. Yeah. So that's about right. Dude, you put the beers on too. That's pretty good. Yeah, isn't that nice?

To be honest, that was mostly for me. But other people can have some. Yeah. Yeah. Twelve till two. Man, I wish adult gatherings were kept to that fucking limit. Yeah, it's nice. To be honest, it was mostly for me, but other people can have some. Yeah. 12 till 2, man. I wish adult gatherings were kept to that fucking limit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's beautiful.

It is pretty good. Fucking hell. It is high impact. Are you going to bring Milan? Yeah, you're right. Get everything done early. Daniel, you're doing shots, mate. Yeah.

Yes. There we go. Yes. We're on. Yeah, fuck. No shots, mate. Yeah. Yes. There we go. Yes. We're on. Yeah, fuck. No, he's very keen. He always buys her a present. So he's already bought her a present and he's got it

and then found out it's a present for like a 16-year-old. So he's had to return that and now he's shopping for a new present. What? What did he get? Oh, man. Here's your L-plate. Oh, no, I misread it. No, he's bought some sort of big...

Like, he's seen online something about Frozen. Like, all the kids love Frozen. Yep. But he's bought this thing, and then it's turned up it's for some fucking weird collector. It's, like, made of porcelain, and it's a thing that should be put on the top shelf. It's like a three-foot model of...

Oh, it's like a thing you post away for in the back of the TV guide. Yes. They'd always have those, like, over-the-top ceramic, like, things you could away for in the back of the TV guide. Yes. You know that? They'd always have those over-the-top ceramic things you could send off. Perhaps the Diana plates or something. The gold trimmings. Faber-Jay egg. Yeah, and it's come back and he's like, he's rung me up and gone, your kid's not going to play with a ceramic three-foot model of the girl out of Frozen, is she?

And I'm like, nah. Nah, probably not. Probably not. He's like, all right. That could be the most expensive piñata you've got at the park. Oh, nah. Nah, probably not. Probably not. He's like, all right. That could be the most expensive pinata you've got at the party. Oh, yeah. That's why you've got to trim off people who don't have kids as friends. It just doesn't work out in the end.

Someone will come up to you all fucking six years with a crossbow or something as a present. What the fuck are you doing? That shit happens a lot. Well, here's the best bit. Milan does have a kid. Oh, yeah. Does he? Yeah. Yeah, you just never hear about it. Yeah, here's the best bit. Milan does have a kid. Oh, yeah. Does he? Yeah.

Yeah, you just never hear about it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. But he won't be bringing his kid. He was not aware of that. I'm sure it's an adult. His kid's 16 or something.

So, yeah, she's not coming along. Yeah, maybe she just got given the frozen, the ceramic frozen. Yeah, maybe. It's a re-gift. Yeah. Cool, Dad. This movie for babies. Thanks.

Well, this is a good reason to bring this up. Talking about comics with kids or whatever, what about Dave Thornton, an example of a small band, or not even that small of a band of comedians, that I get slightly annoyed by? Because on this show, I cop years of me going, why aren't you getting married? Why aren't you getting married?

Dave Thornton might be the president or viceped years of me going why aren't you getting married why aren't you getting married Dave Thornton might be the president or vice president of the comedians that aren't married got kids been with his

missus forever and ever but the rest of us don't get a fucking wedding party out of it yeah I know that is true

you Dave O'Neill Harley Breen not married yeah not married living in blasphemous sin exactly

happily somehow Ben Lomas good luck that's my kink good luck that's my kink that's my thing I know this is Married. Yeah, not married. Living in blasphemous sin. Exactly. Happily somehow. Ben Lomas. Good luck. That's my kink. Good luck. That's my kink. That's my thing. I know this is against God's will.

Let's go for it. Wait, so you're married? Yeah. Yeah. Mate, it was funny. Little was just at me about that. He's just like, oh, when are you going to have a wedding? And I'm like, oh, when are you going to commit to someone?

We've all got barriers that we can't get through. That is very funny. Tommy Little going, mate, a bit of a commitment vibe over here. That's what I was like. I was like, mate, we've got kids together. Dave, it's time to settle down. Come on.

When you've got kids together, we're locked in for the rest of time, whether we're together or not. We're going to be seeing each other. I honestly do find it a bit weirder when people have had the kids and then they're like yeah their kids are like three and they're like guess what he proposed we're getting married and it's like i find that creepy i already bought that you were in it for the long haul like don't worry

i don't know i reckon there was something in me maybe that because we got pregnant and then bought a house and i was working Brekkie Radio and I was like I can't have a wedding now because they will just commandeer it what new idea or something I don't want to turn up

oh no more just breakfast radio be like okay what are we doing here how can we spin this what can we get from it yeah what are you going to put

in the piñata at the wedding what are you going to what lollies are you going to put in there who's going to fucking whack us yeah what's going to happen yeah

I fucking dido singles what do we got? I did it because de facto's murder each other much more. So, hang on. The stats are overwhelming. Were you worried about getting killed or looking for an alibi? No, getting killed.

Yeah, that put everyone off the scent. Marriage would be like Home and Away, just a new woman turns up. Is that Pippa now? No, that's her played by a different actress. Suck my blood. Oh yeah, fair enough. She's still speaking French.

We get it. We got it. So you've got the ring. Is that a wedding ring you've got on? Engagement ring, yes. That's because it's on the wrong hand. Oh, congrats.

Thank you, Tommy. Where was that? No, I proposed to her, and then she had one time, well, she just said to me, why aren't you wearing a ring? And I was like, that's a good point. Yeah. And then I'm left-handed, so I just don't want anything ever on my left hand.

And I've had old mates' mums have a real go at me. And I think Kate Lambrook one time was like, oh, you just want to play it up. And I think Kate Lambrook one time was at me and said, oh, excuse me, I just want to play it up. And I was like, fuck, mate, do you think, like, what? Do you think because I've just slided it onto this hand, I'm like, I got myself an out clause? Any guy that's had affairs, you can just take the ring off.

Like, you know that, don't you? Oh, you maintain eye contact with someone across the bar and take it off with your mouth. As I glanced down to your hand to see, absolutely no ring on your hand, Luke. Oh, very interesting. We're down in Melbourne. I'm not married in this state. I left it in a locker at the airport. I'm footloose and francy in the garden state.

I might be able to have sex with a poet while I'm on tour in Melbourne. I'm only legally obliged to follow my New South Wales wedding vows, actually.

So, babe, I'm going on the project and then consequences come what may. That would be good if you had taken it off on the project.

Just put it on the desk. As soon as a woman asks you a question, you just take it off. Sorry, what did you say? it sorry Wally sorry Wally aka cock block can you just stop asking questions

now Higgy you were telling us a funny anecdote about your wife off just shut up shut the fuck up Wally just hang on to this for a second

maybe that's what's coming in on the inbox this morning Shut the fuck up. Well, Lee, just hang on to this for a second. Maybe that's what's coming in on the inbox this morning. If you were working into the project. Couldn't help but notice that absolute hunk on the desk. Yes. It looks like he's available. Fingers as naked as the day God made him. Flaunting those digits around. He knew what he was doing.

Flaunting those untethered digits. Got the Samsung 8K OLED and just zooming in to see if there's a tan line around any ring part of his finger and he's clean, girlies. We are on here. I love it. Well, hey, just as I was walking, I got dropped off. I got an Uber, dropped me off kind of just a little bit up the street and I was walking along. And, Carl, I like to Uber, dropped me off kind of just a little bit up the street. I was walking along.

And Carl, I like to think, you know, we've known each other about 15 years. And, you know, I like to think I kind of know you pretty well in a lot of different ways. I was walking along, saw a bit of paper on the ground. And I thought, fuck me dead, I know that handwriting. Oh, you are kidding. Is this you? handwriting. Oh, you are kidding.

Is this you? Eggs, bread, wooden spoon, diet Pepsi, cheesels, dry cleaning. You're going to flog those kids with a fucking wooden spoon. No, I don't want to disappoint you, but that's not me. Fuck. I can't say it. Can I have a look at the handwriting? Fuck, I was so certain.

It looks like it. That's not bad. I was like, is this a shopping list or a set list? Fuck I was so It looks like I was like Is this a shopping list Or a set list? So I saw some eggs The other day That's a Chandler set list For sure Can I have a look?

Fuck I was so I bent down to pick up Rubbish off the street Because I was like This is I was like You know what If he's not at the bar yet

Then I'll know it's not him Honestly But if I see Carl In the Imperial already When I get there I am going to know That that's come out Of that overloaded back pocket. If you had a said,

fuck, if you had a said, is this your, I found your set list, eggs, bread, wooden spoon, diet,

Pepsi, chisels, dry cleaning, haircut. I would have gone, fuck it might be diet. Pepsi is about the only one that gives it away. I don't,

I don't think I'd have a bit about diet Pepsi. Yeah. But the rest of it reads like a set. Can you, can you take that and work on a set that's that? The found shopping list set list. And that's the bit you get high and mighty about? Diet Pepsi.

I have tried to mine that well for many years and nothing's come up. If you know something about me, it's I don't deal with brand names in my set list. You'd be more LA Iceman, wouldn't you? No. I love an LA Ice. Two litre bottle of tepid LA Ice. No, I fucking hate that.

I've never bought a two litre bottle of anything. How about AC Cola? Is that still around? By the way, we were recording this in the Imperial Hotel and we're just watching people go by and I swear there's people that work for the pub that keeps walking by and showing people our room and going honestly you can go in there

just sit in there and have a beer and they're looking at us doing a podcast going nah I'd rather not actually. I saw one of them pick up a scrap of paper out the front walking there giggling. We walked in here, we don't want to drink or anything but we lost our shopping list.

And I think one of you just picked it up. That was the eighth bit of rubbish that I picked up. I've got a few cans that I'm going to take over to South Australia. It is. We are recording this on Clean Up Australia, though. So, yeah. Well, hey, speaking of birthday parties, I was at a friend's birthday party over the weekend doing some karaoke.

I've been on a bit of a karaoke tear lately. Oh, what's your song what you go to when you're opening up i'm in a real george michael zone at the moment i just read his uh like careless whispers style or uh doing a bit of well i do fast love love the song fast love yeah but this karaoke bar we went to for a friend's birthday it's like it's one where it's like big stage up in front of everyone so it's not like private room it's like you're doing it with an audience and what we like about this place is it's usually pretty dead. Usually not many people there.

The karaoke is hosted by a drag queen. She'll roast you if you're no good. It's awesome. It's like pretty easy to get a song up because there's not many people there. We go on Saturday and it's rammed. And there's our friend's birthday party. There's a hen's do and there's a buck's do. Unrelated.

So it's just the worst night of these people's lives who work there, just getting slammed by... Incidentally, I reckon there's more of those sort of parties going on than ever now post-COVID. Yes. People are just fucking frothing for that stuff. People who are a bit of a wallflower beforehand and would never, nah, not for me, maybe just a quiet lunch at home it's like

i'm gonna be out until fucking eight yeah yeah celebrating more stuff yeah yeah so because it was so packed in there i put on freedom freedom 90 by george michael gets through i'm like okay this is gonna be fun i get up and uh i not to toot my own horn but i'm fucking i'm shredding it everyone's fucking just having a great time. Oh, nice. My friend said she saw an Instagram post of one of our friends who was there. And she was like, it looked like a music festival where you were the headline act. Oh, wow. It's brought everyone together.

It's brought their hands, the bucks. I thought you were going to say the opposite. This is great. Everyone's getting into it. Then all of a sudden, this guy just gets up on stage with me. This guy from the Bucks who's literally dressed like he's Poochie from The Simpsons. Great. With his sunnies on. I have to say like he's Poochie from The Simpsons. With his sunnies on.

I have to say, you're dressed not that far off that at the moment. Let's not throw too many stones. He's standing up the back of the stage. He's just vibing away. And I'm kind of like, I don't, I mean, this, you know, people are looking at this thinking it's a fucking double act. I don't know who this fucking guy is. Savage guard. So then another guy gets up. The father of the groom from this buck stew gets up.

He's this like old bloke. He's got these aviator sunnies on. And now it's like, now it's a three-way. And now it looks like we're taking the piss. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, now it looks like a parody. And I'm kind of hating it. You're trying to do it for real. And then they're just, that's actually, you know what,

that's actually rotten stuff because something similar happened to me like that the other day where I get up and I try and use jokes and if the jokes don't work, I make fun of it. I, you know, you make the mortar funnier

than the bricks in the end. And this guy... Died Pepsi, what was that about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Haircut. Yeah. Anyone? And like it killed

and then this guy comes up to me at the end and he's like, yeah, that's great how you get up there and intentionally tell all those fucking shit-ass jokes. They're like the worst jokes I've ever heard in my life. I'm like, cunt. He's like, you did that. You planned that on purpose.

That must take quite a while to write jokes that bad. You can guarantee they're going to go badly. I'm like, you motherfucker. In my mind, that guy walks out to the alleyway, puts the $10 in his pocket, and just gives a thumbs up to Luke Higgins. No, rips the mask off at the end. Oh, I knew it was you, Luke Higgy, the manager of the abandoned fucking fun park.

He never gets you when you're winning. He never gets you when you're winning. So, yeah, these two guys have just stormed the stage. I can't get rid of them. I'm hoping that the people running it are going to be like, hey, come on, everyone gets their turn. Especially the sassy drag queen. You'd think, what are you doing?

So then all of a sudden, my... Who's the drag queen? The sassy drag queen. Yeah, that's Deslo. Yeah. Oh, right. I feel like she's the adjudicator of the whole night. Yeah, because the karaoke's hosted by a sassy drag queen. She'd have enough gravitas that she could go, what are you twoator of the whole night. Yeah, yeah. Because the karaoke's hosted by a pussy drag queen.

She'd have enough gravitas that she could go, what are you two doing? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, sure. So then... No, I just... Because I was watching outside all the hubbub outside. I'm like, man, I missed 10 seconds of the story.

I've missed the bit where Daslo, for some reason, gets in a dress and makeup. I'm like, how the fuck did I miss this bit? And I'm like, these guys are kind of taking the piss of the song. Anyway, I'm doing George Michael dressed in drag. So anyway, then near the end of the song, my friend Pat gets up on stage and he's up there with his arm around me, just kind of like in this like, I don't know, he's hoping to like get the balance back, right?

And so now it's just like it's like four of the just like shittest looking blokes of all time singing this George Michael song. Like it really does look like we're taking the piss. So we get off stage and I'm talking to Pat later and I'm like, oh, thanks for hopping up there. And I guess what were you doing? Like defending my honor? And he's like, yeah, man, I looked up there and those two guys had you flanked. And I was like, I'm not fucking letting this happen.

I had to get up there and take care of it. But don't worry, I fucking showed them. And I'm like, what did you do? What had to get up there and take care of it but don't worry i fucking showed them yeah and i'm like what did you do what just by getting up there and he's like nah nah nah when i got up there i'd just been drinking a uh i'd just been drinking a vodka soda and it had a bit of lemon in it so as i was up there i was just like fucking squeezing bits of lemon juice on these cunts what that's That is good. That'll fucking show them. And in my head I thought, that's out of the Luke Heggie playbook. That's like a, you know,

that's running side by side with like egging someone. Well, they'll have little, like if they've got dark hair, go out in the sun the next day, could get a couple of little white spots. Tips. In their hair, little white tips. All of a sudden they could be a stand-up comedian

in Queensland, I reckon. Well, there were hens night and bucks nights in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hens nights in, guys. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I was telling that to someone the next day and they were like, yeah, really when he got up there on stage with you, our friend Pat, he had his fists all clenched and I was like really worried thinking,

fuck, he's going to start a brawl here. But I'm like, no, he was just giving them the old saganaki surprise just giving them just giving them a good old zesty gives his number i'm gonna invite him to the party i'm gonna get him to help blanket out lemon juice this lemon dan lemon in the eye yeah yeah yeah how's that for just like low level conflict resolution just like pretty good i mean if that if they had realized that they were lemoned and then it's like a fight breaking out over that would be pretty amazing.

That'd make the news. Fucking come in here and treat me like a piece of calamari. Fucking kill you, you cunt. What am I to you? A bit of flake. Fucking hell. That is odd, though. If you have that self-realisation

halfway through George Michael's Freedom and you look up and... What are you doing? Putting lemon on you? Oh, is that good or bad? Like, what the fuck is that? It's truly like him saying to me, like, I just looked up there and they had you surrounded

and I thought, I can't let him get flanked. I've got nothing I can help you out with except this. This is technically helping you out. But he told me that and I was like, thanks man. And in my head I was like, women will never understand the way men connect. You know what I mean? There just is no equivalent for a female friend jumping in that way.

I might be a woman. It's left me a little bit confused as well. I couldn't let you get flanked. When did you realise? I can't explain it. I can't explain. Then I was a woman when this occurred. Yeah.

Yeah, I was born in the wrong body. Why? I guess I had a story about someone getting squeezed on by a lemon. Oh, yeah. Okay, fair enough. I reckon in the Bucks party, that's... On the night of what's about to happen, or has happened, that's pretty low on the pecking orders.

Do you know what I mean? They're about to absolutely destroy a Quest hotel room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bicopious amounts of illegal narcotics and just... Yeah, yeah.

Would you have a box if you get married? Would you have a box? Great question. That's what a lot of my mates have been at me. That's been the biggest thing. Mates have been like, I can't believe we missed out on a box. Yes.

Let's just have one for you. You don't even have to have the wedding. I don't care about going to the wedding. I can't believe. Actually, now that I think about it, this feels like a breakfast radio stunt, but I'm now doing it in radio where you don't get paid for. So this is good. This is an official event now.

We're going to make this. This is going to be a joint bucks night. It's going to be you, Harley, night and it's going to be you Harley O'Neill Lomas yes it's not going to be one of the great ones because I think

four of you don't drink three in fairness Harley will drink for the four of us so that makes up for everything sure but yeah Bucks night

that's it we're doing a Bucks night all the standard stuff yes handcuff into a dwarf for the night that sort of thing yeah

pinata yeah everything just use all the leftovers from blankets lemon on the head All the standard stuff. Yes. Handcuff into a dwarf for the night, that sort of thing. Yeah, pinata. Yeah. Yeah. Everything. Just use all the leftovers from blankets like that. Lemon on the head, all the works. You know what would be great? If we actually get Dave O'Neill to be the stripper.

Yes. I mean, he's opening now. Yes. I'm the stripper. You've ever seen Zach, he just walks up and goes, I'm the stripper, let's get it going. Nah, not really. People go, good.

Was that a joke? What did you do? Did you have a Bucks, Heggie? No. No? No Bucks? No. Oh, maybe you can be involved too.

Man, I had like 200 Bucks. We called a bus to my wedding. We called a bus to the fucking... To the Eiffel Tower? No, we were in Sydney to the Birth, Death and Marriages, the registry. Oh, yeah. Got married, went home, had a few drinks. Did you check out the desk that day?

Tweet about it? No, no, no. What was the plug anyway? I don't think there was Twitter out the desk that day, tweet about it? No, no, no. What was the plug I don't think there was Twitter. Reg Smith, wait, who's that? It's just a lovely

school teacher, I think. Death of my single life, anyway, come to my show. No, I don't think Twitter was around. Cairns Comedy Hut,

yep. Yeah, we had some friends on the bus. You can only take 12 people, sick. Cool. Hang on, you hired a bus or you went

on a fucking public bus? No, it was 372. Really. Cool. Hang on. You hired a bus or you went on a fucking public bus? No, it was 372. Really? Yeah. You're allowed 12 people in the registry office for the wedding. So we had 12 people and then we went back to the pub. On your invite you had to say top up your card before you come to the wedding.

No gifts but there will be a wishing well. By which we mean The little thing That you put coins into At the front of the bus To get a ticket Yeah Get an earl

You get a seat Otherwise you're standing Yeah Up to you That's great Guest's getting on And you've got the little name cards On all the different seats

Oh sorry That homeless guy Took your seat Yeah Sorry Imagine missing your stop To your wedding Oh driver Yeah I fucking dinged it With plenty of time Yeah Sorry. Imagine missing your stop to your wedding.

Oh, driver! I fucking dinged it with plenty of time. Yeah. So then you... Because that's funny you say that. We are now recording this at the Imperial. My mate did that here on Spring Street where he just went to the registry. Well, I think people are appropriating

poor culture doing that now. I think... I've heard it's a thing now that people go to the registry and make a mockery of the whole fucking cheap wedding thing and then they have a separate wedding on another day or something. Oh, they still have the money? They spend their money.

Yeah, okay. They get it both ways. They fucking, yeah. Yeah, right. Oh, Jesus. But I guess you get the paperwork out of the way. Do you know what I mean? Because I always find it weird when they get all that.

Oh, you've got to do all the formalities on the day. Yeah. I'm always like, why don't you just get it out of the way and then this is just a bash. Yeah. That is brutal, isn't it? When it's like you have this beautiful ceremony

and it's like, anyway guys, we're just going to sit here and do some paperwork for about 45 minutes. That's grim. Then they fuck off and take photos

with a white horse and some long grass and shit. Fuck off. I think is that, I feel like that's kind of maybe been phased out. I think people en masse

have kind of come to their senses with that a little bit. It's like, we'll do the photos in the morning. Why are we going to leave our guests sitting here for four hours while we go fuck around? Man, I think proper Bevins

don't, like, they don't think like you do. They're like, nah, the whole day's about me. Yeah. They'd have like the Mayor of Auburn wedding if they could.

So you didn't have a box. What did you and your wife do for your kids' gender reveals? Well, that was on the day they were born. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old song. Just out the window.

He's got a dick. That was on the bus as well. Yeah, great. But I love this. Yeah, the delayed Bucs. Yeah, the Thornton O'Neill Harley. Yes. Mate, that's a fun night.

You'll figure out which of your friends are deviants. They're the ones on Bucks that are all real keen for strippers and strip joints and all the seedy shit. Yeah, but I always say it's the thing of like, it's funny because your mates who are in relationships, right, if a stripper turns up, I always say they're just horrendous. Like, you know, the married mates who have just been waiting for this since it was in the dark they're too keen they're just rabid and it's always your single mates who were talking to the entertainment

like yeah right so you study medicine do you yeah yeah yeah they're just being charming as all hell because they think they're in and the other guys are being pigs yeah i remember that we went to yeah we went did all three of us go maybe to Danny McGinley's Bucks Night we ended up at a strip he hired a stripper

then we went to a stripper's and I remember it was like the nerdiest fucking strip joint ever in terms of it was just like 40 comedians

and all of us were up the back too scared to be within eye line of a stripper like she's got no clothes on who's going to tell her well also

when the when the stripper turned up for like the private thing at the like function room that we were in for the actual party

we were being a terrible audience in that we just she was getting nothing she was like pulling stuff out and fucking just going for it

and just we were all just standing there like stunned mullets and she's having to do a bit of like yeah Chandler reading out of the notebook

like come on guys this is good stuff just really trying to fire us up and getting nothing for it. Fuck, it was brutal. No, do you remember the last thing she did? No.

So she was doing that, put it on the show, and look, it was a bad room for it. It was like five o'clock, the lights were on, there was no ambiance. Sorry, Heggie, to steal your language. That's okay. Yeah. It wasn't a good room for it, right? And you would have thought I was your kid there for a second room for it right and you would have thought I was your kid there

for a second sorry about that anyway she finishes the act and everyone's just like on their phones and like whatever

and I remember the last thing she did was she just sort of she just sort of like stood up and just went hey and then just

put her hand on her vagina and just rubbed it really hard and went what do you reckon about that one? And they were like, did we do bad? Yeah, the big close.

Yeah, it really was just having to pull out some old gear that you don't... She hated it. Just doing anything to get the audience on side. It was like, yeah, it was like truly like, you know, as comics we were like, you bombed here, but it wasn't your fault. We get it.

We were shit. Was there the crookedness of, I suppose I wasn't there, but was McGin your fault. We get it. We were shit. Was there the crookedness of, I suppose, I wasn't there, but was McGinley's father-in-law there? Because that's a weird dynamic when you're at the Bucks and it's like, what are we doing here? Yeah, yeah. Father of the bride is here as well.

I've seen a father-in-law get right into it. It's like, oh, probably worse. They should go home at like 8pm or something. Just go have a nice night, mate. See you later. Mate, I knew these group of mates. just go have a good night's night see you later mate I knew these group of mates it was actually

my good friend's brother we were down at a pub down in Mornington and they come stumbling in we knew they'd been at a Bucks party and they come in just laughing

and we're going what's going on and this is a level of like how much dudes will grill each other for fun and also we were like I don't know if this is

like that funny or you've just this is real crook they're at the Bucks day found found out the, uh, the husband to be, he fairly Christian. Like they were probably all about 28 at the time. It was about the first wedding they were going to go to. And they said, they're at this, the polo thing that's down there. They said this girl would come into the group and they're all standing there like, you know, Oh yeah. Okay. And they said, you know, she was a bit drunk and talking to all the guys and they're all like yeah whatever and

they said before they really they knew what they turned around the father of the groom is just macking on with this girl but the thing is he's married to his mum yeah they're still together and so this guy's like conservative christian who's been with this girl since like he was 13 and now getting married and just seeing his dad, who I gather would be down with G.O.D., like a Christian man, just macking on with this guy and the rest of the guys are like, and ripped this groom to be and he then left the party because he was so broken

and they came into the pub to be like, how funny is this? And we're like, is it? Dudes rock. That's the thesis of this episode., is it? Dudes rock. That's the thesis of this episode. That's good. Dudes rock.

Gross. All right. We better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Dave Thornton, Luke Heggy, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. You guys both have got stand-up tours coming up all around the country. Yep. You've got Luke Heggy, you've got Grot.

Yes, a show called Grot. LukeHeggie.com for details. A new show. What shows are you going to? Are you going to Adelaide, Brisbane, Melbourne,

Sydney, Perth? Perth, yes. Got them all? All of them. All of them. Nice. Dave Thornton, you've got Chatter.

Yeah, that is such a title that I put in in October. It's so open-ended because that's what you're getting for now but yes I'm touring

let's see Adelaide first Melbourne Brisbane Sydney and I haven't got Perth in at the moment but I've got a lot of people from Perth

oh there's Canberra Gold Coast as well oh Canberra yes that's right Canberra's sick yeah Canberra is sick best festival we've been there forever

do it yeah yeah good people but I might head down to Perth if people keep at me sure and also Yeah, Camperistic. Best festival. We've been there forever. Do it. Good people. But I might head down to Perth if people keep at me. Sure. And also, you guys don't just have your live tours on sale, but you've also got specials up on YouTube. So if you've ever seen any of these guys stand up,

get a little look at that. Someone sent me a message about mine, said they hated it even more the second time they watched it. What the fuck? It's the most insane thing I've ever read. That's what you get when you fucking lower the price

from one dollar to nothing. You get a free complaint like that. You could have had a dollar out of that. Fuck, that's good. Alright, thanks very much

for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, Bernie. You must have a sore foot. Fun times Good shit

Uh That was recorded a couple I don't know What a week ago Week and a half Yeah So it's starting to fade from the memory But

Um It's already dated Yeah Yuck Tastes have changed since we did that You could never say stuff like that these days No Um

I think I think The Bucks party is a good idea. Yeah. I think we should do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes it even funnier that the majority of the people involved are non-drinkers. Yes.

Yes. That's the best bit. So it's basically what we're saying is you and I want to get fucked up and watch a stripper. And be funny. With Dave O'Neill, Dave Thornton and Ben Lomas just watching us. Stone cold sober. And Harley will be off his guts. So that's something.

No, Harley's very hot and cold with drinking, I think. For something like this, though, you'd like to imagine that he'd get in there. Yeah, but that's the frustrating thing. When something happens and all of a sudden you just run into someone who's like, no, I'm not drinking at the moment. You're like, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but just do it.

And they're like, nah. Yeah, fuck. So I think odds are he'd be off at that point, but we'll see. Fuck, maybe I'll give it up as well. Maybe that's the angle, a sober Bucks party. Yeah. Yeah, just do it at time zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

11 a.m. start, just do it at time zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 11 a.m. start. Soda rock. Wrapped up by two in the afternoon. O'Neill, not a drinker. He's a guy that... He'll dabble, but he's not like it. No, I wouldn't even say... That's an insult to the word dabble.

Sure. He'll do a thing where he'll have one pot. Yeah. And everyone sits around and goes, Oh, check it out. O'Neill's having one beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thornton's not a big drinker.

But maybe, you know, maybe... Because Lomas is like straight up, he's just not drinking. He just won't drink. Yes. But, you know, O'Neill. Used to be a big drinker. He used to be a big drinker. But you would like to think that for the bucks, we'd get O'Neill having, you know, we'd get one of those. Maybe we could even get him to have a pint.

What if we, yeah, what if we said, here's the deal. You, to make this happen where it's a four pint minimum buy-in you have to you have to have four pints to come along i think that would be fun yeah that would be a fun party just even just to say it to other people we got a bucks party that sounds good also dave o'neill's having four pints right and if you don't if that doesn't sound like your thing if you don't want to be in it you just slam those four pints as quick as you can and then you're out the door yeah you just knock them back in an hour and you're like all right boys i did it um i've fulfilled my obligation now leave me alone i'm going home yeah but the

selling point is watching o'neill have four points yeah yeah um so yes like we said at the top of the show live shows coming up ad Adelaide, March 11. Melbourne, April 1, 8, 15, 22. All of those tickets on sale at littledumbdumbclub.com. They're going to be fun shows. They are. They're going to be excellent shows, I guarantee. Adelaide guests are looking excellent.

Melbourne is looking fun. So, yeah, look, very rarely do we have a dud one in either of those towns. Question, T Daslow. We're recording this in the morning. I just went to the supermarket. What do you think about this? I was waiting to come through. I was buying something.

What do you think about this? Whenever you see someone just walking out of the supermarket without buying anything, what do you think about that? I've done it before. Have you? Like I've gone in and been like, I need this thing and then I don't have it. So then I'm out. I don't think I've ever done it. I just look at those people and go, what the fuck don't they have in the supermarket?

You're going in and going, oh, no milk. Oh, okay, I'll leave. I'll go somewhere else. When is they not having something in the supermarket? It happens if you're looking for like a specific, because I go a lot like near the end of the day. Like I'll go after the gym at like 6 or 7 p.m. And sometimes you're like, you go into that produce section and it's like, nah, man, we're

cleaned out. You think you're getting spring onions at 7 p.m.? They're gone. They've been gone since 4 p.m. Right. I think it's bad to be that person, though, because then the supermarket isn't built for you to just walk out without getting anything.

So then you're in that weird thing where it's like, well, how do you get out of here? Because there's only one way out, and that's through the checkout. Yeah, you just slip. These people are just slipstreaming me, and I'm obviously going, you are stealing something. It's a weird vibe. You do feel like you're kind of like you're walking past that cigarette section.

Yeah. There's like nothing for me, thanks. Yeah, yeah. I've actually just realized I got in here and I'm actually not hungry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just remembered I don't need any food this week. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm teetotaling food this week. I actually forgot that I ate last night. Yeah. So I'm done good for like a week now. Well, see, that's what I always think. I see these people going, at the very least, if you're going in for one thing and it's not there,

you're always in there going, fuck. I can't remember the last time I went to the supermarket and didn't come out with five things that I didn't intend getting. Yeah, but you snack. I imagine you're in that position where you're like, I need this thing and they don't have it, but you're while i'm here i'm getting the box of cookies yeah but not always just that just other stuff like i i walked out today with fucking frozen fish cat food stuff i didn't go in there for yes oh i'm here i'm not i don't i'm going in there with terminator vision

where i'm like this is what I need. I need like, yeah, I don't know, whatever it is, like a specific type of meat or like some produce thing or like a – because a lot of the times if I'm making something and it's like a slightly – there's like a smallish supermarket near my house. So if it's like a – if it's a sort of obscure ingredient, I'll be like walking home from the gym and think, the odds are that they're not going to have this, but I'm walking past it, so I'll go have a look. Or maybe is this you then? Because I go to the supermarket, I like it. I go in there, I'm like, let's have a look around.

What's in this joint? Yeah. No, I hate it. Okay, so this is the same as you and me with the phone. You hate talking on the phone. Yeah. I like it. Yeah.

What's not to like? Talking to someone? Having a chat to a friend? What fun. I like it. Yeah. What's not to like? Talking to someone? Having a chat to a friend? What fun. I like texting. I like being face to face. Yeah.

The phone call is like a weird mid, a weird mid ground between that. Where it's like, it's still occupying your time. Yeah. Texting, you can like be going around doing other things. You can be like vacuuming or whatever. Yeah. But it's like, it's taking up, it's like, it's taking all my focus. Right. But I focus but i'm still i'm not getting that i don't know and then someone's reception is bad i just don't like it oh i like it i can hear people trying to get off the phone i'm like nah yeah i got

something else to say yeah no um no i'm i hate this because especially i think a big thing for me is like i don't have one i'm in the i live in the middle of like a couple of different ones. Yeah. So I'm never going to just like the one supermarket. Right. So I'm constantly in a state where I'm like, I don't know where anything is. Right. I'm walking, you know, it's like there's no- You're very close to an Aldi, which is fair.

Yeah. To not know where everything is. I hardly ever go there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nah. You know what? I nearly always go there when i come over to your place to

report a pod just because i'm like i'm not an aldi goer but i'm always like i want to have a look in there oh yeah sure sure well i think because this is the thing it's crazy that like there's there's no can even across the chains there's no consistency in supermarkets as to where anything is and we've talked about this before about, remember we had this long discussion about how eggs are sometimes in the fridge and sometimes they're just on the shelf. Well, also the Hollandaise sauce. Yeah. I swear in a couple of my local supermarkets,

they were in two different locations. Yeah. They couldn't make their mind up. It was splitting time. Yeah. I feel like it's like I go in there and I'm full of optimism. Maybe I'm cooking a new dish that night that I've decided on that I'm like really excited to do.

And I'm like, okay, yeah, you need this. All right, it's all coming together. And then there's those like last three or four things on the list where I'm just walking around in circles going, where the fuck is this? And then all of a sudden in my head I'm like, I think it's been 45 minutes that I'm just in here. Like my life is just slipping away from me. Well, here's one today.

This is a good example of like where things should be in the supermarket. I bought like a shaker thing, like a container, like a Tupperware container that you would, you know, mix something up in a drink. What are you making mojitos at this kid's birthday party on the weekend? Well, where would you go to look for that in the supermarket? Well, there's that one aisle where they just have all that shit. That's what you'd think, wouldn't you? And I went there and they don't have it. So I said to them, where is it?

They're like, oh, no, that's in the health food aisle. They put that with things that need to be shook up. Yeah, okay. But I'm like, well, why have the fucking other aisle why have the kitchenware stuff i mean that is the thing that put this right put the wooden spoons next to the flour then well that's the thing that goes against what i'm saying if you are if you do remember like you're there and you're like actually you know what i do need a new measuring cup or whatever that's the one thing where it's like you would think that's a gimme

all of that plastic shit all the utensils, they're just in the one aisle. Yes. I might get tripped up by like where the sun-dried tomatoes are or, you know, where the aioli is or, you know, whatever, any other number of things. There's no ordering in the vegetable aisle. It's just like – It's just there wherever. There's no common sense. You just do a lap until you find it.

But you know there's that one aisle where it's like there's no food here. Yeah. You just do a lap until you find it. But you know there's that one aisle where it's like, there's no food here. Yeah. Half of it is like, you know, your frangers and your like, you know, your codrel and all that stuff. Yeah. And then the other half is like your whisk.

Yeah. Your pan. Yeah. You got your shampoo and your toothpaste and all that sort of stuff. And the further you go away from where you entered, basically, you get more miscellaneous and you start getting your nappies and you start getting your paper towels and then you get your weird junk aisle where you're like, okay, well, here's like patty cake sort of pans. Yeah.

And here's wet wipes and here's... It is funny having that stuff, having the utensils in the supermarket. I mean, it makes sense. Like the ingredients are here that you're making the food with. So why wouldn't you also have the utensil? But there is also something to be said for like, you look at some of the stuff, like getting a pan or a pot or whatever,

you're not getting the best of the best if you're buying it there. No. You know what I mean? You're getting the most like bottom rung pan you can get. Yeah. So it's kind of funny because it's like, just take the one extra step and go to a proper place for this. You know, this is the stuff you're using to make your food.

Yeah. Yeah, but I'm with that. I don't give a fuck it's like it's there who cares how much better could it be yeah getting a how much better am i like fucking patty cakes gonna be if i get a proper pan i don't care so we're uh well i talked about this a few weeks ago but we're currently kicked out of our house and living off-site. We're basically house-sitting for these people. Yeah, it is a bit of a staycation. And it's good. We're just in a family's house.

So you kind of go, great, everything's here that we need. Very handy. And they've given us this... Have you gone snooping? We've done a little. There's not much to snoop. You'll see. You'll come around soon.

There's not much snooping to be done. But they gave us a house manual of, you know, here's how everything works, da-da-da. Now, use whatever. Like all our cutlery and our bowls and stuff, they're very pre-loved. So don't stress if anything chips or breaks or whatever. It's all stuff we've had for ages. And they're like, but the one thing is, please do not use our scan pan. We're very protective about our scan pan so we had to like go to our house to just get like one pan to use for cooking because they're like that's all right they've been very strict it's

like no respect i mean we got given the scan pan as a gift it's expensive piece of you know piece of kitchen equipment let's really love it like everything else is like help yourself to what's in the fridge help yourself to what's in the fridge, help yourself to what's in the pantry. Shit my coffee mug. Move stuff around if you need. Put your stuff in the cupboards. Like, we truly don't care what you do.

Come in the kids' bowl. Have people round. Do this, do that. But don't you dare fucking touch our scan pan. I don't think I even know what a scan pan is. Well, it's just, I mean, that's kind of why I brought it up because it's exactly what you're saying.

You don't give a fuck about the utensils and it's all doing the same job. It's just like a well-made pan. I'm looking at it. Like, I don't know, special type of metal or whatever. I'll just call it a fry pan. Does it? Well, scan pan's the brand.

Oh. Yeah. Okay. So they're like... It's kind of like pricey kitchen gear, but it's like... It does a fucking hell of a job. Okay. All right're like, it's kind of like pricey kitchen gear, but it's like, it does a fucking hell of a job.

Okay. All right. I mean, I'm, I'm, I was like you of just like, yeah, whatever. Buy a, buy a $2 knife from Ikea. Who gives a fuck? Yeah. And then just over the years have been gifted various bits and bobs. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Through like my family and like my girlfriend's family and stuff at Christmases and whatever. And like you cut with a proper knife for the first time and you're like, okay, I get it. Yeah, I know.

You're right. You're right. And I am, when I'm saying that stuff, you're right. I'm talking about things that I haven't got a good version of, so I don't know any better. But you're right. We got a good knife. I'm like, this is it. No going back.

Well, there's, yeah. Even just like cooking something the other night at this house and they've got like good knives or they've gotten them sharpened recently because this thing was sliding through spring onions like butter. And it did, like my friend told me about this guy who's, he's actually not too far from Morris house. There's like a little restaurant in a hotel and the hotel are like, you can do it, you know, basically like they got him.

I think the story is that they got him to like run just like a small little thing for the hotel guests. But he's running his little knife sharpening shop out of it. And my friend works in a kitchen and he's like, he's the guy. He'll sharpen them fucking beautifully and he doesn't charge you too much. And so just using a properly sharpened knife the other night, I was like, all right, I get it. I got to go visit this guy. It's time to take all the knives into the city and get him just, yeah, get the samurai sword action going on.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to think of something else, a good example of something where I'm like, fuck, yeah, I can't go back now. What is there? Got to cut. You know when you get a good, do you ever do this, get a good glass and then you go, it's like a child. I'm like, this is my glass now. I'm only drinking from this glass. The rest rest of those glasses what a fucking waste of time yeah i had one that i got in japan that had like a little illustration on it of this artist i like and it

was like good size like sturdy just like a classic tumbler with just like a really simplistic little black and white just black line drawing on the side And then it broke one day and it was like, not only did I love it, but it's like, well, I got this in another country. You know, anything that you break that you've bought overseas, it's like, well, I can't just pop down and get another one. Like that's gone. I bought a big beer glass in lockdown, which I've never had before because I don't really drink at home.

And then it really felt like I'm turning into my dad who just had a beer glass at home and I kept it in the freezer. I'm like, oh, this is cool. And now that I'm out of lockdown, I'm like, I'm not using this. I don't need to. That got you through lockdown. That's all that matters. Yeah, yeah.

I've got one similarly through a lockdown experience. I've got a pint glass now in my house, just one. Yeah. And I tell you what, drinking a fucking big water out of that on a big sparkly water on a hot day, that's beautiful stuff. Or making a smoothie and having it in that. But the way I got it was... I need to convert it to a multi-purpose pint glass. Yeah, it's a soda glass.

Yeah. The way I got this pint glass was first night out of the first lockdown, going to the pub with some mates. And, of course, we all just go crazy because we're, you know, back at the pub and seeing each other. And then, you know, everywhere was closing really early. And this was after the first one where it was like limited number of people in pubs but they still didn't give a fuck about what you were doing in the house.

So I was just like pub closed at 10 and I was like, all right, everyone back to mine. And then we all get back to my house. This is when I lived in my apartment and it's like, you know, there's like 10 of us in there. So it's pretty crowded. And I look over and my friend is just like drinking a pint, like a pint glass. Yeah. And I'm like, do I have pint glasses here?

And she's like, she's fucked. And she's like, oh no, I guess I just brought this with me from the pub. I'm like, you got in an Uber with a full pint? And she's like, yeah no, I guess I just brought this with me from the pub. I'm like, you got in an Uber with a full pint? And she's like, yeah, I guess I did. So now I just have this pint glass in my house that's part of a beautiful lockdown memory of the first night out after seeing my friends again. Great times.

Great. Well, speaking of great times, patreon.com slash Little Dunlum club will bring you some great times. And it certainly brought us some great times over the years because of the great times it brought you, it brought us money and then we could have great times with the money. Live our lives. Go to the movies.

Yep. Go to the moon. Yeah, we went to the moon once. Yep. When we had a particularly booming month. Yep. We went up there. That's when Elon subscribed for that one month.

Oh, yeah, that's right. For a million dollars. No, he just... He gave us a ride. Yeah, it wasn't any money. It was just like one free rocket ride. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, I mean... He wanted access to the archives for a month. Yeah. We'd go to the moon. It's going to be hard to work out how Patreon take their cut out of us getting a ride to the moon. But I guess maybe they can just come up a little bit of the way and then just be jettisoned. Like a famous friend of the show once, there's a story, once did a gig for an airline. And they said, you can have this much money or a free holiday to this country.

And he said, I'll have the holiday, thanks. And they said, why? And he said, well, good luck to my manager getting fucking 30% out of that fucking holiday. That's good. Yeah. That's very good. Yeah. So thanks to everyone who subscribes to patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub.

You get two free mini episodes a week. There's an absolute smorgasbord of great quality episodes there in the archives there right now. 308 of them. If you want to be a little Johnny come lately. In fact, you know what? There's still people that find the show. I met one last week. I met a lady who came up and went, oh, and did the thing.

We talked about this a while back. Oh, yeah. About people that come up with money and go, we said, if you don't subscribe, if you don't come to a live show, if you don't get merch, if you see us, just come up and give us money. Yeah, I had a guy do it.

I think I talked about it. I had a guy come up and slip me a 50. Yeah. And that's it. You put on socials. Yeah. I had a lady come up and went, here's 20.

Bang. I went, oh, and i just gave me 20 i'm like okay i'm working backwards from this is this to do with the podcast she goes yeah yeah this is a monthly gig i run in mornington right and she came up and did that and i go okay so yeah great i said how did you get into the podcast she's like oh i just started listening and i'm like oh yeah but how did you how did you know about it and she's like oh i just yeah i don't know it was like because she started saying it was like recent that she'd got into it like what what what thing recently made you know about the podcast and she goes oh just just you i guess i'm like what do you mean me and she's like well i just come to this gig and

and at this gig i haven't performed yet yeah i just get up at the start and go thanks for coming to the gig welcome to the stage your mc ben lomas or whatever yep and she's like i was like this is so funny did you get get into the podcast off me getting up and saying here comes the mc and she's like yeah i guess so wow i just went who's this guy and then found out the other podcast went okay well yeah let's see if he does a whole hour of welcome to the stage that's also like danny mcginley that thing of saying feel free to slip us money if you're not on the patreon or coming to a live show or getting merch or whatever yeah that's based around the idea that you've been a fan for a long time and you're thinking, like, I've consumed a lot of hours of free entertainment

from these guys and I should give something back. This person's been listening for, like, three weeks and they've just happened to hear that and gone, well, I'd better stump up. It's like, hey, you're fine. Don't worry about it. And also, they're at a gig that I run and they've paid money for it. It's like some of that is coming to me. Right, absolutely, yeah.

I mean, they might listen for another week and be like, oh, yeah, you know what? The sheen's worn off this. I actually don't like it that much. But I do love, like, I love different reasons. You know, we've done that over the years on Socials Ask. How did you find the podcast? That sort of thing. And, oh, we saw you on the project.

Oh, you know, one of the, you had, you know, a famous guest on We Really Love That Guy, whatever. Oh, we've seen the ad on the Dunny Door. Yeah. Listen to the Little Dungeon Club. But I just think that's a cool, unique one. You just saw someone get up on stage for 10 seconds and go, welcome to the show, everyone.

It's going to be a great night. Yeah. Put your hands together for Nick Cody. Yeah, maybe that's the new thing we need to ask for. Write in and let us know if you think you've got the weirdest way of having found this podcast. If you think you've got the most unique, just dumbest reason for starting to listen to this. Yes.

We'd love to know. Get in, respond on the Facebook fan page or on the Insta or on Twitter or in the Facebook fan group, the people aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yep. Get onto that. But we, look, we're dilly-dallying here. We need to get into some names. We need to read out and we need to thank an unspecified number of people for contributing

to the aforementioned Patreon. Should I ask what the hunger levels are at? Not too hungry. Haven't eaten today yet. Yeah, what time are we? What are we looking at? It's 11.30 a.m. It's 11.30.

I ate pretty late last night, so I think I'm all right for a bit. I'm basically going back to the supermarket thing I was saying before. Yeah, I ate this week. I could go a while. I'm ready to break my fast pretty soon. I can do 12 or 12.30, I reckon. Let's crack in. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sally K. Anderson.

Sally K. Anderson. And that's not K as in the initial. That's K as in the K-A-Y. Yeah, did we do this last week? Because we talked about fucking JK from Jamiroquai. We did too. Sorry. God damn it.

I didn't make a good record of last week. I didn't. a good record of last week I didn't You know what I thought I'd gotten away with Making a poor record of last week And I did not It's always the way It's just perfect Like straight after being like

I'm hungry so we're on the clock here Now Here comes five minutes of me Going back into the records Fuck Sorry Thank you Thank you to Patreon subscriber

Justin Beal Justin Beal Yeah Justin Beal. Yeah. Is that fresh enough for you? Yeah, it is. Well, it's fresh and it's not fresh. I mean, I know this name. I see this name pop up on the socials.

A repeat offender. So, look, maybe there's no way to elegantly segue into this, but this person, clearly a long-time listener, big fan of the show, will maybe appreciate us going into a topic that we've talked about a little bit recently. I forgot to bring this up last week. So we've been talking about the Canadian tennis player who hallucinated and saw Snoopy on the tennis court at the Australian Open about eight years ago, seven or eight years ago. I forgot to say last week. So I went to the Australian Open this year.

Okay. ago um i forgot to say last week so i went to the australian open this year okay i got a ground pass and uh the australian open obviously like any major event they they always have like an extensive merchandise line that you can buy when you're at the tennis and they had a collab this year did you see any of this no the merch that you could get at the Australian Open for 2023 was a collaboration with the Looney Tunes. Oh. Which is infuriating. Yeah. Because it's like, they're so close.

Yeah. You've got the door open to collaborating with a worldwide famous cartoon brand, and you're picking the wrong one. But you know why? I think you know why. Snoopy got all that free coverage thanks to that. And then Warner Brothers went, fuck, we need some of this. know why you got snoopy got all that free coverage thanks to that and then then you know warner brothers went fuck we need some of this like snoopy's blown off off the back of that hallucination you think they're knocking on the door they're knocking on the door brothers are knocking on the

door of australian open going we need yosemite sam to get the same sort of coverage that snoopy got of that hallucination and maybe they maybe the deal was they started putting on the heater in the players' changing rooms, getting them nice and frazzled, and then on the way out going, gee, it would be funny if you all of a sudden saw Daffy Duck out there, wouldn't it? True. And just tried to get them.

That would be awesome if that was part of the deal. You have to hallucinate, or you have to say you've hallucinated. There's a clause in the contract. If you're going to be that hot, forget Sno just remember whatever the fuck you see i don't care you could see bigfoot out there yeah but what you actually did see yeah was foghorn leghorn yeah what you say to the press yeah is that that little fucking tap dancing frog came yes yes midway through the game yes and started just launching some volleys at you. The Schultz Foundation, they got their fucking free money out of all that.

We need, we're paying for you to hallucinate one of our characters. Yeah, look, and I mean, I'm very torn here because I love the Looney Tunes. We all love the Looney Tunes. In terms of those old school cartoons, the Looney Tunes are funny. They got so much pizzazz to them. But I just feel like, you know, the way we've been, you know, we're so invested in this Snoopy story now. Yes.

And knowing that the Australian Open is open to collaborating with a cartoon. I would have thought that it was a flight of fancy, you know, six months ago for us to say, hey, what if they had some, what if they collaborated with Snoopy on an official level? Yeah. I would have thought that was too absurd. But now I know that they're open to that kind of thing. Maybe we just need to get this story reignited.

We've got a year to try and get this on the map enough to have some kind of official branding for the 2024 Australian Open featuring Snoopy. It's not out of the realm of possibility. If this caught on and people became more aware of the story and it got back in people's heads, they'd be left with no choice but to kowtow. You know what I want?

I want this to happen next summer, maybe. We sponsor someone to hallucinate us. Right. Whatever event it is, whether it's a stand- is right they whether it's a a stand-up gig but maybe it's a comedian maybe it's someone on tv whatever it is i want to pay someone to tell people that they got so hot and frazzled right they're like oh i thought i saw tommy das on carl channel from the little dum-dum Club. That's how fucked I was. Yeah, it's funny, like, if you were, because if you're

sponsored by Adidas or whatever, I do think it's cool that in, like, the one tournament, people just wear the same kit for the entire tournament. Like, I think that's cool. It's like, here's your outfit, here's what you wear, every match you look the same. So, if it's the same deal, or it's like, we

sponsored a tennis player, and it's like, okay, you're wearing the same kit every match, you've got to have the same so if it's the same deal or it's like we sponsored a tennis player and it's like okay you're wearing you're wearing the same kit every match you've got to have the same hallucination every match you've got every match that you play yeah you have to imagine us doing five in the corner next to the little rolex counter thing so someone's playing the australian open and melting down every match they play and they're continuing to play. Because we're giving them all our Patreon money. Right, right. It's us working alongside Nike. And us going, this is not doing any long-term damage. Just use the money to get Powerade.

Just keep up your liquids and you'll be right for two days' time for the quarterfinal. And it's like some underdog because that's all who we can afford. And let's say they're having a real rags to riches. They're having the tournament of their lives. And we're insisting on it. We're insisting on that they've got to come in and say we had the hallucination. Meanwhile, the cloud's gone over. It's over the car stage.

No, that's it. It's an unseasonably poor weather. It's like 18 degrees out there, a bit of rain, and someone's coming and going, my brain is cooked. I saw the little dum-dum club out there. Yeah, no, that's it. They've romped through the tournament. They're in the final.

They're against Djokovic. They've fucking got him against the ropes. People can't believe that this is happening. This kid, he's not even seated. He's like two sets up. Djokovic can't get in a point against him, and it's like every new point he gets, it's like cutting to the player box.

People going out of their minds. But you and me just filthy being like, the hallucination. Get the hallucin. You're forgetting about the deal. You've got to be hallucinating us on the fucking court, you little shit. Yeah, that'd be good. I think we could make this happen. I would love to.

It doesn't even need to be tennis or... I don't know. I mean, can we afford... We could sponsor someone for the gala. Oh. The Comedy Festival gala. Yeah. And be like, you just got to get this, like, glassy-eyed look over your face.

Halfway through the set. And then we can do, like, an edit where we just put our own version of it up on YouTube. And we get, like, a good CGI person to just kind of like when they cut to the crowd, they just like insert a version of the two of us. Great. I've got to think about this further. There's got to be the ideal point in which you can say that. It'd be great if we could just get someone. I mean, how rare would this be just when it's when

it's hot someone just being interviewed you know by by the news about the weather in general it's so hot you know who i saw before oh yeah yeah well maybe that's the because the news do if they're like you know they do love to do a bit of you would need there to be a um like i remember being a little kid and being interviewed on the street about El Nino. Oh, yeah? Really? Yeah. And I can't remember what I said. I think I just said, I don't know, it was like, it's hot.

And then I was on the news for three seconds. Really? I was like eight or something and it was like... Which news? Like Channel 9 or something. But it was just because, you know, any... So it needs to be... It's not just

going to be a hot day. It needs to be like a, hey, this crazy weather event is kicking off. And that's when they take to the streets. Like, you know, they just hang out down the front of St Kilda Beach and they're just like, what do you think? What do you think about this El Nino we're having? And we've missed the boat with like La Nina's old news at this point. So we just need to wait for some like crazy new weather pattern to sort of like we yeah we need an inside man at the bureau of meteorology to give us a heads up when there's

some when there's some kind of new thing that might make the news because it's such a you know such an anomaly in terms of the weather you know you know we have an answer what we should do is get somehow get a friend of the show, Sam Mack. Oh, yeah. When it's so hot next summer, just be like, watch out there. It's going to be 39 tomorrow. Guys, wear a hat, put the sunscreen on, ignore any time you see Snoopy out there. Get the reference in like that.

That would be good. That's true. I mean, it doesn't even need to be. Well, I mean, first of all, we are still in summer. And also, he's traveling all over the place. So he's going to parts of the country where it's hot all year round. Yeah. So we could, I mean, this could happen whenever.

Isn't he in like South Africa at the moment or something? Right now, I believe he is. Oh, my God, it's so hot. Yeah. I thought I saw that Charlie Brown. I thought I saw Charlie Brown walking around. Well, where was his accent work when you were on that show on TV? I think it's like I've got a friend who's really good at the South African accent

and him and I will send voice memos back and forth. Right. Because I'm sort of like learning via osmosis. You know what? I listen to this podcast where there's like a Dutch person on it and I keep thinking now if I had to do Sleuth 101 and do the Dutch accent now, I think I could do it. Yeah, right.

I think now that I'm actually listening to something regularly where it's... I think when I got that role, I literally had never heard a Dutch accent before in my life. You are a good mimic. Thank you. Yeah. So now that you're actually listening to one, I'm sure you could. Yeah, I probably could. Yeah.

I mean, getting a South African would stress me out. It's got to be the hardest accent. I think Dutch and South African are the hardest accents to pull off and be consistent with. I think Dutch is harder. Because they're both so all over the place that it's like, you might get a bit of a roll going on, but then you're going to do one little bit that's really dodgy. Yeah, maybe. Well, yeah, look, we haven't given much specificness to Justin Beal, but he's...

Look, I just know that this guy's a big fan of the show. Yes. He's very active on the social. So my thinking was just us getting back on a topic that we've been talking about a bit recently. He'll enjoy that. He'll enjoy having sponsored the idea of us getting Sam Mack to get a South African man to talk about Snoopy. Yeah, he sponsored that idea. Also, I believe he's...

Is he a... I reckon he's a high-vis wearer. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's some dude that is... He's not our bus driver, is he? Is it? I have a feeling it was. Oh, was it?

Yeah. I can't remember. Is this the bus driver? If it is... I think so feeling it was. Oh, was it? Yeah. I can't remember. Is this the bus driver? If it is. I think so. Hey, man. If it isn't. Have you got any...

How did you converse with him to tee it up? I can't remember. Okay. I don't know. Sorry. If it is you and if it isn't you, sorry. Hey, man. These are the kind of lives we lead.

There's probably a day that's cemented in his brain forever as the best experience he's ever had. And also if it's not him, and Justin's just listening, going, what the fuck are they talking about? What bus driver? Yeah. I've got a feeling it's not him. Okay. But let's find out.

Let's see who's right and who's wrong. Yeah. Justin, let us know. Let us know if you're the bus driver who took us to Heathcote. Yes. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Aiden Darmody. Oh, Darmody. That's a real thing.

That's great. That's a real thing. Okay, that's great. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. A bit of rhyming slang there for you. Yeah.

Going to do a bit of Aiden tonight. Yeah. I did a bit of Aiden last night. Oh, how'd you go? Aidened. Did you? Did you do it right? Yeah. Did to do a bit of Aiden tonight. Yep. I did a bit of Aiden last night. Oh, how'd you go? Aidened. Did all right, yeah. Did you Aid it? No, I did some Dood-Darmody.

Oh, that's great. Out of 10, how'd you go? Hard to say. Small room, free gig, not tons of people there. I think I did about as well as you could do in what the room was kind of set up for. It wasn't like a room where it was like 100 people who were going to give it up. There were like, fuck, how many people were there? Less than 20.

Just trying some stuff out. Stuff for the new show? Stuff for the new show. Stuff for the new show. Sort of saw how everyone else was going. Did my bit and went, yeah, I feel good about that. Had a good result. You did better than them in contrast. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, I did better than everyone else on the lineup. Wow. You won comedy. Including the second bracket who I didn't watch because I'd gone home. How dare you. Yeah. No, I was feeling good about it. How dare you. Yeah. No, I was feeling good about it. Feeling good about the show.

Come check me out if you're in Adelaide or Melbourne. The show's called Scam Artist. It's on in Adelaide from Feb 28 until March the 4th and then Melbourne March 29 until April 9. Come along and watch Tommy Dastley do a bit of Aiden. Do a bit of Aidening. Got a bit of Aidenmation in it too, which is coming in pretty nicely. Yeah, nice.

Got some little cartoons. Feeling good about that. It's going to be quite the hootenanny. It's really like I've got all this stuff that's like I'm really relying on the laptop for and just having that thing where I'm like if the laptop carks it before the gig, I am fucked. Right. And in my head going, what I've decided to do is have a 10-minute B-roll of stand-up ready to go. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So that if the whole thing carks it. Yeah. Because I've just got these little interludes. So it's like I still could do the majority of the show just me and a mic. Right. But I'm going to have a little just a just a 10 b sides in the back pocket sure if it's five minutes before showtime and the laptop's down just be like all right i'll just slot this shit in how old's your laptop is is there a question that it's

gonna go down why are you so paranoid uh it needs it does need a service it's been playing up so i do need to take it and get it looked at right um but i also i mean you know even when stuff's new this still can always be issues or like the screen just fucking you know you just never know with these things but i will say i do tend to go in with with it like because the thing that's good now is like you can run you can just have a keynote presentation on your phone and still run it off that yeah so i Yeah. So I try to have it in a couple of different, or like on a USB as well. I try to have it in a couple of different ways on me at all times if I'm doing something like that.

You've got to be prepared for these things. Sounds fun. I love comedy. So yeah, I'm sorry, Darmody. I love Darmody. Stand up. He's a stand up man for sponsoring us on patreon yeah damady destival he is a he is a stand-up damady

yeah i mean well look let's not i mean this person might be in a wheelchair in which case they're not a stand-up damady they're on the stool they're doing damady on the stool is uh were you more of an aiden or a Mr. Big fan on Sex and the City? Oh, great question. Probably Aiden. Okay. Aiden's coming back in the next series of that, whatever the new one's called. Oh, is he?

I saw, there was like a photo of them on set. And I just saw like all these people online being like, Carrie, no. And it's like, Big's dead. Cut her a fucking break. I wonder if, I don't even know if my wife has watched that season, that new show.

She must have. Yeah, my girlfriend did. I caught little bits and pieces of it here and there when I was walking through the room. It looked stupid as hell. Yeah. Yeah, she must have because she's on, she's watching like real estate shows and stuff at the moment. It looked stupid as hell. Yeah. Yeah, she must have. Because she's on...

She's watching like real estate shows and stuff at the moment. One of those real estate... Oh, Selling Sunset and all that kind of stuff. All that shit. Yeah. If she's watching that, she must have watched her favourite show of all time's sequel. Oh, I imagine she would have been hot off the presses

when it whatever day it was going up on Binge. Must have been. It was so funny where it was like, I think every diehard of that show absolutely hated the reboot, but still just couldn't tear their, like, it was such a weird love-hate relationship where it's like, this is so bad, but I also am just loving seeing all these people again. Sure.

Seeing a very old version of them. Thanks, Aidan. Thanks, Aidan. Thanks, Aidan. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Brody Hinks. Brody Hinks. Yeah. This is a cool name. Yeah, there's a few things going on there.

This is like a character in a script where it's like someone's driving through a small town. And this is the guy who works at the gas station. Yes. I like Brody. Hello, my name is... Nice to meet you. Brody Hinks.

I like the idea of... I don't really like Brody as a name until then I go, oh, what about Chief Brody in Jaws, which is a great movie. So now I'm like, well, now I like it. What about, rest in peace, Brody Stevens? Oh, yes. The great man. The great missing episode of Little Dum Dum Club.

Yeah. The only episode we never put to air because I kind of think he was having a mental episode of the time. Yeah, one of those ones where it's like too much of the meds, not enough of the meds, something. We recorded an episode with Brodievens who is not with us anymore and uh yeah and we've talked about this i think maybe in the past but we um it was just an episode where he just talked at us for an hour about a lot of mental breakdowns that he'd Yeah. And then completely the next day did not know that he'd been talking to us. Yes. So we were like, I don't know.

We went to the States. Big fan of him going in. Yeah. Did a gig with him and was like, oh my God, how good is this? Get to meet the great man. Ask him to do the pod. Comes around to our hotel and does it. Yeah.

Cool to hang out with him. Cool to see him live. Yeah. Yeah. If you're not familiar with his work he uh yeah he very sadly passed away a little while ago but uh look him up he's got he's funny he did this little series thing like doco series thing about him uh on comedy central like ages probably like 10 years ago now or something which is probably all on youtube or something but uh

go have a look very very funny guy um funny bit of just getting up at the start of his set and just listing his credits. Yes. Hangover 1. Hangover 2. Hangover 3. Wasn't in it. Didn't get the call. He's most of his act, Galifianakis.

And just like Chief Brody from Jaws. Yeah. He was like, we're going to need some bigger meds. Yes. By the way, did you see Galifianakis is back doing stand-up again? Is he? He's been... Really?

Just a lot of people that I follow. There's like those shows that people always do at the Largo where it'll be like Pat and Oswald and Friends. Right. And I just keep seeing they'll do like backstage photos where it's just like, you know, it'll be like a named comedian hosting the thing and then it's like, you know, a musician will get up and do the thing and then it's like you know a musician

will get up and do a song and then a couple of stand-up spots and yeah he's been popping up at he's been popping up at a bunch of those things lately and getting up i yeah which makes me think he's yeah he's he's planning a return wow which would be cool i like every time we would go to la would be because we know scott orkerman to some degree from comedy bang bang and he would come on our show and every time we go we'd sort of be like yeah hey we'd love to do a pod with someone you and someone else like if you you know like if uh anyone was in town you'd be like yeah you're not getting zach alfred oh okay yeah it was always i mean he was always like you know humid us there was, like, you know, humoured us. There was a couple of times where he was like, I asked Sarah Silverman and she was busy,

which may or may not have been true, but hey, nice of him to be humorous instead of just saying, fuck off, aren't I enough? Yes. Yes, I agree. I mean, it's a tough ask when it's like, hey, man, I mean, a big part of wanting you is... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, no, he was very gracious with his own time, extremely much so. And also he helped us get some sweet other – whenever we were on with other people, Paul F. Tompkins and people like that, he would facilitate that, which was great as well. Yeah, we did a cool spot at his gig once. Twice. At the UCB. Twice.

Oh, yeah. But, I mean, there was one line-up where it was like us, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman. Yeah. But wasn't that... We did two spots there. I can't remember who was on the other one. I think we're... Because we did Ask Cat as well.

Yeah. But we did do two spots at that show. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember who was... Or maybe I'm fucking up. Did I fuck up? I think maybe you're fucking up.

Oh, maybe I'm fucking up. Because I think when we did it, he was just about to end the gig. Yeah. So I know one of the times was... Anyway. I think you might be right now. Yeah. I think you're right.

Anyway. Thanks, Brody Hinks. Thanks, Hinksy. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sam Dodgson. Okay. D-O-D-G-S-H-U-N. Fuck, we're getting some fantastic surnames today. There is plenty to play with, I have to say.

Yeah. It's, yeah, how do you even get that? Have you ever been in the Dodgson cars? Dodgson cars? Dodger Stadium, another Los Angeles landmark. The Dodgson. Now, that's good. If you know this guy, surely he's copped out at some stage. He's driven over and you've gone, did you come here in the Dodgson car?

Did some carny jump up on the top of your car and guide you to my house? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah. I remember Dave Thorne used to have a funny bit where he impersonated one of those guys that would like fucking steer you, dodge him for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like the grabbing on, it's the hunched over posture, and then it's the like

just fucking cranking the wheel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very specific body action that all of them do i never really understood the concept of dodging cars where we because i'd get in there and go cool you get to bump into people and then people like no don't do that i'm like isn't that what this is about it's weird isn't it what are we doing otherwise are we just driving and avoiding people i mean i guess a big part of it is that it's for kids and you're not like, hey, cool, you're driving. You're in a car.

Maybe that's, I always thought that maybe that was the main point of it. I mean, I guess that is called dodge them. So you're supposed to dodge them. Because I get that like little kids, you can't have them just trying to slam into each other as hard as possible. But I went to a thing, my friend's company opened a venue that was like a, it's like a, it's kind of like a video, it's like an arcade thing, but for adults. It's one of those ones where you can get like booze and all this stuff there. And they had some big event.

And so she invited us down and it was all comped. It was like all the rides and stuff are free. And they had a Dodgums there. And we were like, oh, cool. Dodgums. Everyone here's an adult. We're all drinking. This will be carnage.

That's fun. And I'm thinking, well, finally, you can live out the dream of being a kid and just go on fucking full tilt. Yep. And even there, they're like, okay, guys, go around in a circle and don't hit each other deliberately. Right. What? Why are we doing this then? Yes.

Agree. I thought this is surely, if you're ever going to be allowed to just do what you want in this. Yeah. Here's the place for it. Yes. Because the whole thing is that it's like... The rest of the world is dodge them cars. Yeah.

The rest of the world, we're trying to avoid crashing into each other. Here's a setup where it's set up for you to crash into each other. Let's crash into each other. Well, and the whole point of those kinds of venues is like, remember when you were a little kid and you'd come and your parents would be very strict about how many games you could have and this and that? Now you're an adult. You can do whatever you want. You can play as many fucking of these things as you want.

Just go crazy. But don't you dare fucking drive that Dodge into another car. Yeah. Into the car that's set up for being crashed into. Yeah. That has a big bumper all around it. Fucking stupid. Fuck Dodge cars.

Fuck off. Fuck them and fuck this person who subscribes to us. Well, he didn't dodge subscribing to us. Yeah. Good on Sam, I say. Even though it's not really his name. No. Dodgeshun.

Dodgeshun. Sam Dodgeshun. Dodgeshun. Yeah. Dodgy boy. I'd love to hear. Dodgy boy. Oh, dodgy. Of course. Dod-son. Sam Dodge-son. Dodge-son. Yeah. Dodgey boy. I'd love to hear. Dodgey boy. Oh, Dodgey.

Of course, that's the nickname. Dodgey boy. Yeah. Dodgey. Dodgey. Fuck. Dodgey. That's a good nickname.

Dodgey's a great nickname. That's a really good nickname. Dodgey. Yeah. Man, tell us about your adventures of having that name. I'd like to know. My friend was dating a guy for a little bit who had the nickname Softy. It's always like... And, you know, it's like a lot of-

Which I'll say to start with, I love that idea because I love the idea of his name being Sam Soft. Right. Like having Soft as a surname, which probably isn't the case. I don't even think that. But having Soft as a surname would be insane. Well, you know, a lot of the times it's like there's always like a funny thing when there's like a guy who has like a very set nickname in a group of mates

and then the girlfriend, you know, the new girlfriend comes in and like all the friends are just calling him one name. I mean, to a lesser extent, it's kind of like with Kappa. It's very funny when Kappa's partner will be like, oh, yeah, Nick said this the other day. I'm like, who the fuck are you talking about? You know, it's like it's kind of it's a bit like but this thing with my friend like short like for a pretty short period but dating this guy and she i was like oh what are you doing tonight she's like oh i'm just

gonna go see softy i'm like i can't believe that you're getting around that nickname that's so bad yeah although maybe maybe you gave him maybe that's you know yeah that's night one you have that experience and you're like, I'm sorry. I really didn't want to. I really wasn't going to be that person that calls you that nickname because that's stupid. But if you're going to drink, if you're going to get whiskey dick on me, then you're leaving me no other option. Well, Dodgy. Dodgy.

Yeah. Nice. Nice nickname. If that is your nickname. If it isn't, what a terrible waste. Yep. Nice nickname. If that is your nickname. If it isn't, what a terrible waste. Yep. All right. Well, let's just do one more.

Sure. It's right on 12, and it's time to break my fast. Oh, yeah. I think we were going to do a couple of bonuses, too. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Well, that's okay. We can smash them out, and that's still...

12.30 is still a very respectable lunchtime. All right. Once you passed one. I thought you were going to say I could go and eat and then do it. I could go and cook something. Maybe I'll do that in between. I'm going to cook something. You're not cooking shit.

Yeah. I was going to have, my mum brought down fresh farm eggs yesterday. Oh, nice. Yeah. So I'm looking forward to breaking those yellow motherfuckers. Oh, nice. Yeah. So I'm looking forward to breaking those yellow motherfuckers. Yeah, cracking them up. Very, very, very bright

high-vis eggs. I'm starting to feel like I am never in my life going to break an egg that doesn't at least end up with a tiny bit of shell in it. Really?

I just am fucking incapable of getting it without even just one. I don't know. If anyone can recommend a technique to me, I'd be all ears. Not being fucked in the head. Yeah. Try that.

Yeah, okay. It's actually never occurred to me. That's because you're fucked in the head. Yeah, okay. All right. I'm going to make eggs tonight and give that a go. I'll make a carbonara and see how I go. Make a note.

All right, let's just do one more. Okay, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, I don't know how often this has happened before. Two people in the same read with the same surname. Okay. All right, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Carmody Darmody. Carmody Darmody. Must be Aidan's sister, shall we say.

Aidan got off pretty well. Yeah. You might not like the name Aidan, but at least it doesn't rhyme with your surname. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, also, you know, I mean, Carmody, that's a nice little talking point. That's a cool name to have. Yeah, yeah. The end.

Is it a nice little talking point? Yeah. Not in this instance. I was just like, okay, well show me then. Show, don't tell. All right, well thanks

Carmody, Darmody and thank you everyone who subscribes to the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. Get on there. You can get the entire

back catalogue of bonus episodes right now. And, yeah, get your tickets to the live shows that we've got coming up. Adelaide, Melbourne. Yeah. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates.