The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 647 - Troy Kinne & Adam Rozenbachs

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

This week we're joined by TROY KINNE and ADAM ROZENBACHS! Troy got engaged in Thailand so OF COURSE we've gotta hear all about it. Meanwhile, Karl's enlisted a comedy punter to do some shopping for him in Phuket and believe it or not - it hasn't gone to plan. There's also escape rooms, failed marriages, soccer games and a man stabbing a shark! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Troy Keeney and Adam Rosenbarks. We have live shows coming up that you can come and see Saturday, March the 11th in Adelaide at the Rhino Room. Very, very fast approaching. Get in quick. Quick, Adelaide. Do your thing. At this point, you are doing your thing, your Adelaide thing. Yep. But do your next phase of your thing. Yep. Time to activate.

Do the buying tickets bit that you do at the last minute. Do that bit. That needs to start now. And then, of course, Melbourne, Saturdays in April, the 1st, the 9th, the 15th, and the 22nd. The 1st, the 8th, the 15th. The 1st, 8th, 15th, 22nd. Come on, mate. That's great format.

4.30 p.m. at the Morris House, upstairs at the Morris House. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can get all those tickets. That's it. Melbourne, you are over 50%. LittleDumbDumbClub.com is where you can get all those tickets. That's it. Melbourne, you are over 50% full, so don't sleep on it. Don't do a you-know-who over to the west of things. But, yeah, look, it's filling up, so keep going. Get those tickets. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode.

But until then, enjoy this new one with Troy Kinney and Adam Rosenbachs. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler. And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. And joining us today, two great guests.

Please welcome back onto the show, Troy Kinney and Adam Rosenbach. Thank you. Yes. Thanks for having us. My favorite Thailand-related guest. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. There's a lot to choose from, isn't there? Well, no.

Is there? Is there? I reckon if I had to rank them, you two would be one and two. Thank you. Who else is there? There's just me. That's all. Am I?

I'm probably the only one that you haven't dragged there. Yes. You are, as we've talked about, you're the one. I'm on your level. You're the real deal. Like when we bang on about it, you're like this fucking amateur. You're over there for like ages. Yeah.

You've even proposed over there, the dream. Yeah. That's recent news. Fuck, that's a bit cliche. To get out of a bill. Yeah. That was December, wasn't it? To get out of a bill.

I'll put it off. Put it out of a bill. Yeah. That was December, wasn't it? To get out of a bill. I'll put it off. Put it on your socials, guys. Here's the trick, and if you want to get land over there, you fucked it up. You proposed to an English woman. That's not how it works. You've got to propose to a Thai girl.

Fuck. Yeah. But you go there to do some kickboxing, don't you? Yeah. And do you stay in the apartments where the kickboxing thing is? Well, there's a street.

So I don't stay at the actual gym, but you can. Yes. But there's a street that's all fitness sort of stuff. It used to be called Fighter Street, so it was only fighters that lived there. Great. And then they slowly changed it to Fitness Street. What would that be like? Saturday night at 3 a.m., just drinking down Fighter Street.

Kenny, I feel like you're if Carl ever has like an argument with his partner and it's like looking rocky he just pictures your life where you're just in Thailand

like 11 months of the year and she's packing the bags and Carl's just like I wouldn't be so bad I could be Kenny I've lost my fallback my idea was every time we have a fight

I'm like I'll just go and move in with Kenny in Thailand now he's getting married now I've lost my fallback. My idea was every time we have a fight, I'm like, oh, I just can't move in with Kinney. I'm in Thailand. Now he's getting married. Now I've got to be the third wheel. Yeah, yeah. Are you going to move over there and just constantly be coming back here? Australia is great.

I could put a webcam in my house if that'll make you a little bit more comfortable. We were always, where are you staying? I go, Crystal Bay. Fuck, they've got a webcam. I'll tell you where to go. So I can see you. Yeah. Fuck. Talk us through

The beautiful Thailand proposal What I'm slightly embarrassed about I thought about this on the way So My girlfriend and I Recently have done Heaps of

Fiance sorry Done heaps of Who I met Who I met before Yeah you met You were together Yeah You were there

You were part of And that was when She wasn't into me at all. Oh, what happened? What, she met me and went, oh, it could be worse. I'll get into this guy. Now that's a guy who should be best man. She saw some of the other things on off of down Fighter Street

and just went, oh, fuck this. He's all right. The one that's the lover, not a fighter. Yeah, so we met there five years ago, and we were just friends, but we did have a drunken one-night-stand fling thing. Oh, right. She'll be happy with that.

Yeah, because you told me that, because you were like, I was like, are you two together? And you were like, oh, no, no, no. We had a one-off thing, and I remember it, and she doesn't. What a great setup yeah it's good she's come around

who would go for round two after that experience yeah also down on one knee she's like well in for a penny in for a penny well she's she had a psychotherapist and she just got the memories back and she went oh yeah that was actually all right. He went off. Let's do it again. How did you leave that one-night stand? Was it just like, was she over there and you had the chance to see her again? Yeah, we then hung out for a few days and she left and went to Bali. But then we caught up again in Melbourne. And she actually lived in Melbourne for a year. But I only saw her a couple of times.

And we went to my parents' holiday house in Sandy Point. So in my head I'm like, all right, if it's going to happen again, this is where it is. The Thailand of Gippsland. Yeah. There's fucking proper fighter street. Every street's fighter street. That's next to Coward Punch Avenue.

You need a non-fighter street down there. And then there I said, which bedroom? She goes, well, I'll go in this one. Do you want that one? I'm like, oh, so we're in separate bedrooms. And we're in separate bedrooms. And I texted her, do you know that we had sex? Oh, my God.

And she goes, I thought we must have because I woke up with my knickers off she goes I vaguely she could not really remember it how long after the fact is this this was like

no this was like yeah only a few months after good lord and how was it seeing that bubble after you sent that with the reply

oh come on come on well the risk the big risk is that part of the world it's like reception can be so patchy. It can so depend on what carrier you're with.

So you send the message, you see it's gone out. Yeah, she's with boost. She gets it four days later. Oh, fuck, did we? Yeah, we fucked again in that time. We fucked again. I like, just because you mentioned this, a friend of mine did this recently

and I'm obsessed with it as a move. The person doing the Bali and Thailand in one trip seems insane to me. Going from one to the other, it's like different sides of the same coin. Go to Bendigo or Ballarat. You don't need to go to both. Yeah, on the one. Yeah, hop it over. It's not the same coin.

It's like either or. People either choose Bali because they're fucking morons or you go to Thailand. Yeah, that's kind of what I mean. It's like, yeah, mix up the... Just spend more time. Go to different parts of Thailand or go on to like, I don't know, the UK or something, but just like hopscotching to something that's just like more or less the same stuff.

Because it sort of looks the same and you expect it to be the same, but it's just not. Did you miss Aussies but still wanted to talk down to White Star? Yeah. Yeah. Get the best of both worlds. Where are the Aussies worse? It's Bali, right?

So you start off at Bali and then you come back via Thailand to just kind of like slowly re-acclimatise yourself to the Australian people before you get back home. To get your manners back. So then you're going further away. Obviously Thailand is slightly further than Bali. Yeah, that's true. That's always been my theory.

It's like, it's a roadblock. It's like, okay, if it's four hours to Bali, it's like, yeah, it's fucking easy. But if you spend another couple of hours on the plane, that's the sophisticated gentleman like us. We stand another two hours on the plane. It sorts the weed out from the child. And also, they've got more on offer.

The food is better. They've got Valium and Ritalin over the counter, obviously. So there's a lot more to go for. But the one thing that I found when I went to Bali... And we'll get back to that, by the way. Just quickly, your theory, Carl. I can relate to something in my own head of getting Uber Eats delivered, unhealthy and a coward's you know piece of

shit move right but walking down the street and picking something up yeah it's healthy yeah so that's so uber eats is bali and they're just like walking to the pizza walking through the drive through is it's that's thailand yeah sorry because i went over there for uh limo's wedding and i'd never wanted to go to bali Bali and will probably never go back. But the one thing that I found is when you go to Thailand, it's a proper overseas trip, but when you go to Bali, they just put you on a domestic plane. So it's only like two rows of three and then the one toilet up the back.

So when we were coming back, and everyone's got fucking Bali belly, the line's about 20 deep waiting for the plane. And I remember seeing Husey on the plane back with his kids down towards the back. And there's just people standing next to him. And I was like, mate, what are you doing? He goes, I used to be someone. That's a good point. I feel like on an international trip, you want that third row on the plane.

Fucking oh, it's the middle one. You get on the plane and you're not getting the middle row. It's like. Exactly. Where am I? Yeah. What am I getting the light? Free drinks. I want the works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's interesting middle one. You get on the plane and you're not getting the middle row. It's like, where am I getting the light plane? Free drinks?

I want the works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's interesting you saying about Valium. So this is something that we've talked about that you got me onto when we were over there. In Samui. Yes. I dragged you to Samui. Yeah, yeah, sort of.

Yeah, I was like, please don't. Yeah, it wasn't hard. It wasn't the hardest talk I've ever done. I like how it went from, yeah, yeah, to sort of, to no, you didn't. Yeah, no, it wasn't dragged. It was like, are you going to go? Because I'm there anyway. Yeah, yeah.

So you, yeah, I hadn't really taken Valens before that. And now it's like, it's not a big thing. It's just a nice thing to have in your back pocket just in case you need it or whatever. So every time you go, I sort of go, okay, i'll go and grab some and bring them back and whatever so there was a there was a listener of this show that hit me up to go that was like you know what i'm gonna go to phuket for a week and this happened like a couple of weeks ago and i was like oh great and i thought you know what i thought this is a guy that comes to comedy all the time comes to the live shows i'll see this guy i can get him I can give him like a mini shopping list.

I can give him some stuff to do. So I go, this is easy. Tell you how far deep into your anus you need to put them, all that kind of stuff. But that's the thing. Like Valiums you can get over the counter, right? Yes. Yes.

10 milligrams. Yes. The blue ones. Yeah. You've just been. You've just been to Phuket. So you know. You know how it works. So I go, well, that's all right.

If it's over the counter, that's all right. Definitely didn't bring any back because it's illegal. Oh, is it? I like your thinking of like, this guy pays to come to my shows every now and then. He'll be happy to smoke the drugs for me. He's taking a big leap here. Because you know they don't sell them to Thai people either.

Oh, really? They won't sell them to their own because they don't want to fuck their own people up. Oh, really? They won't sell them to their own. Oh. Because they don't want to fuck their own people up. Oh, really? Yeah, it's illegal. No, but they sell it over the counter. That means it's legal, isn't it? Yeah, right.

But you said, what? You can't bring them back. Is that a thing? Oh, I don't know. Okay, right, right. Yeah, okay. Surely you can. I'd imagine, anyway.

Not in trafficable quantities, probably. Yes, exactly. If you're bringing one strip with like... We know. Rosenbach's isn't the head of the drug market. Yeah, yeah. If you're bringing one strip with like... With 900... Rosenbachs isn't the head of the drug league. Yeah, yeah. I can take cocaine. I don't know.

You can bring in one strip of 900. No, yeah, right. Just three years worth, guys. Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's it. Otherwise it's addictive. Nothing that can poison a town's water supply. Yeah, that's right.

So I go, right, easy. One strip, over the counter. I'll get you to do that. Also, the last time I went in Bangkok, I was there with Milan, and we saw, a friend of the show, Milan, and we saw on the street, they had these,

you know the new iPhones how you've got the power packs that like... I thought you were going to say those Chang Singlets. Mate, I know it's a big ask, but when you're on the way back from the drug den Can you put this t-shirt up your ass

And sneak it back into the country for me Because those things go for 50 bucks It serves power I want them for cheap So the magnetised battery chargers For the new iPhones The wireless chargers Yeah yeah

They just stick on the back Like a fridge magnet I haven't seen that Yeah well Technology mate I can't keep up This is magnet. I haven't seen that. Yeah, well. Technology, mate. I can't keep up. This is it. So I didn't have the new iPhone at that point, and Milan did, and I was like, you're crazy

not to get one of them. And they had it on the market, and he was like talking them down, and he got it to $10. Yeah. It was like $10 for a battery charger that magnetized on the back. I'm like, that's fucking awesome. I felt like that was a good deal for him. I'm making him do it. And so he gets one, and then he just keeps raving about how good it is. I'm like, why a good deal for him. I'm making him do it. And so he gets one

and then he just keeps raving about how good it is. I'm like, why the fuck didn't I get one of them? So now I've got the new iPhone. I'm like, fuck. So I say to this guy, right,

now I want you to go to the chemist. So you had no, this was only like a couple of months ago. Yes. You had no thought in the back of your head, like maybe I should get one of these. No. You just thought you're going to have your current phone

for the rest of your life. I thought it was me and my old iPhone forever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our relationship changed. You had faith in Apple that you would need to update. Yes. Fuck. So then I realised the new one had a better camera.

This is a hell of a boys trip. Just hitting the computer swap meet. So this is like on the street. This is on the street in Kowloon Road, actually. Oh, yeah. And so that's what we were doing. Not doing shots. We were like, like you know getting battery

charges and uh getting Kogan knockoffs yeah yeah good so yeah buying electronics

off the street out the front of the 7-Eleven literally and uh got a USB-C cables you got back there

so then I go and then I've just got that Valium just read his fucking shopping list yeah you can see I'm in Kowloon Road buying Apple And I go, and then I've just got that. Who needs Valium? Just read his fucking shopping list. Yeah, you can see I'm in Kowloon Road buying Apple products.

I need to calm down. I need Valium. Your wife calling you up. You'd better not be buying any phone charges over there with the boys. No, I swear I'm looking at tits and doing ping pong shows. Yeah, I know. So I go, I'm like, I've got non-buyer's remorse. I'm like I've got non-buyer's remorse

I'm like fuck I should have bought this stuff I should have bought this stuff when I was there and you can't get them here so no well

this is the great deal 10 bucks imagine getting one for 10 bucks so then I give this guy my shopping list I give the list on the shopping list

you could buy an investment property if you had bought enough yeah that much money you're saving yes totally so then I so I want a strip of Valium it's like reverse inflation You could buy an investment property if you had bought enough. Yeah. That much money you're saving. Yes. Totally.

So then I want to strip a valium. It's like reverse inflation. Hang on. Because you've said in the story that Milan haggled this down. Yeah. So on your shopping list, you're like one of those power banks, brackets, and don't be paying full price. Yes. Get the cunt down to $10.

I'm not giving you a cent more. I literally did. I'm like, make sure it's $10. I said, I'll give you the money. It's10 I said I'll give you the money It's a nightmare I'll give you the money for it I know this is $10 And I know the strip of Valium is $20 If they say $14 walk away

Yeah Just hold your ground If I'm this guy I'm like Here's the shopping list And here's the tactics on a different list If I'm this guy This is ruining the live comedy experience for me I'm like I'm never going to gigs again

That is true Fuck this Yeah fucking hell I'm paying for it. Did you offer him free tickets to your gigs? No, but I said I'd pay for it. I said I'd pay for the goods. Yeah, but he's like transporting it. He's freighting it.

That's fine. Well, he can get it when he, you know, it's half there and half there. But he comes back. It's fine. Right, so you've offered him nothing on his end, but you've given him a lease. Yes. Great. Great deal for him.

I like it. Yes. So then. And he's lapping it up, presumably. Absolutely. Because he's like, this is a chance to impress the guy that stamps my arm everywhere. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Did you try and jazz the list up by putting treasure hunt on the cover?

He put it in coffee and then put it in the oven. Third world scavenger hunt. Yeah. It's in the form of a riddle Yeah Riddle in So then I So he's over there

And of course I'm already messaging him Because anyone As you know Troy Anyone that's in Thailand Every five minutes I'm like So what's it like over there now

So what's happening now What's the temperature like now You do do that For anyone listening You do get What's it like What's happening Give me updates Yeah I do And I was there just after COVID So he was fucking the temperature like now you do do that for anyone listening you do get what's it like what's happening yeah the updates yeah i do and i was there just after covid so he was fucking

tenfold with that yeah what's like how many people in the street do they still have thai food there so i um i messaged him and i'm getting he's like going oh yeah it's great i'm getting pictures like of the resort he's in and what it's like down the street whatever and every time i go have you got those drugs for me yet it's like oh it's going it's going very quiet it's going very quiet and then i'm like yeah but like i'm and i'm counting down i'm going all right you've only got four days left so have you gone yet like because you might need to go to a couple of chemists because sometimes they don't have it and whatever and i'm getting nothing and i'm like are you are you gonna like it just needs to be one strip

and he's he starts to go and this is a guy who doesn't really partake in anything like in that world right so he's very

sort of like not so to him it's a big deal it is a big deal did you know this after the fact I didn't really think about it but as it's happening

I'm going okay alright I'm gonna need to push this one a bit harder yeah and then so I'm going have you got this yet and then he just starts

going to slap this mule on the arse if I'm this guy having my holiday micromanaged I'm just coming home fuck this he's probably got

heroin strapped to his chest he's like I don't want to look at him I've already got the heroin for the guy

at the other comedy club I'm not getting he's got Valiums on his nipples with Band-Aids. Yeah, so then I start... I go from not getting any responses to now getting responses where I'm like, oh, I'm not going to get this. He's starting to send responses that's like,

these are the things that can go wrong when you take Valium. Here's the side effects of Valium. I'm like, oh, mate, I'm not in for a lecture. What are they? I'm intrigued because I don't know. I don't know. It was just links to, like, articles about what happens with Valium. I'm like, mate, I don't care.

Does it also tell you how cool you become? Yeah. No, well. You can DJ and shit. Well, yeah, yeah. People were asleep by the time they realised that, so they couldn't write it down. Yeah, so then I started getting sent all these lectures

about how I shouldn't be on Valium and how he doesn't want to be responsible for me being on. Oh, God. Really? And me going, mate, just forget about that. Just get me the fucking Valium. And then he starts going, I've got a handle on it, mate.

Just bring the Valium. I'm picking it up at the airport. I haven't slept in months. Listen to me, I need it. I'm picking up at the airport. I haven't slept in months. Listen to me. I need it. I actually really... This is like when there's a drug dealer character in a TV show, but they're like a main character

and they've got to make them a bit sympathetic, so they'll sort of be like, hey, just be careful with this. I make sure that it's the good stuff. I like this. I like this kind of like... Because he loves the gigs that he goes to that you put on. And if you die from a Valium overdose,

where's he going to get his jollies every weekend? Yeah, yeah. But that's how he just does it. Well, he either gets it from me or from some chump on Fighter Street. I've seen some of those roughnecks that hang around a basement comedy club. If they get it, they're not checking. Yeah. But I do start to sound like that because the more he goes,

like he's sending me stuff about here's the side effects and whatever i'm like i don't fucking care no just get them for me and then he's sending me stuff about like being addicted i'm like i'm not fucking addicted just get me the stuff that i asked you to get me so he's just sitting there and googling this himself before he goes in to get it for you right okay yes i wonder if it's like i mean you'd know, Rosie, like when you go in, they're not asking you anything, right? Absolutely fucking not. They kind of go to open the drawer as you walk in and you go, Valium, and they're like, okay, yeah, sure.

How many strips do you want? And you're like, how many have you got? Has he just dismissed the phone charger? Like that's when you buy condoms and you get a magazine, so he doesn't I want the charger trying to slip it under there I think you're dismissing it, I think at this point you're going if I can just get the

you know, if I can just get the Valiums that'll be great, I'm going to have to let the phone charger go no no, so now at the moment you're going to be in a park on edge with no power yeah yeah this is fucking not looking good awake with a flat phone he's

messaging you being like you know those electromagnetic waves that the uh power pretty bad for your brain they can really uh scramble you yeah i've got a fucking doctor now yeah um you're struggling to get to sleep unless you've got uh actually no so then i'm like going pushing at that and i'm now getting to the stage where I'm like, I'm being too very pushy. I'll ease off. I'll try the different tactic. Then I start going back to the phone charger going,

well, at least the phone charger, you know. But that was Bangkok. So are you sure they're available in Phuket? I think Phuket, they definitely would be. Because there's like, there's lots of walking streets. There's lots of markets. I started giving him directions to various ones. He's like, I just got a great one.

It only cost me $18. You fucking cunt. I can't resell it. So then I'm pushing it that way and then I'm not getting much love on that one either because I'm going, oh, you know. He's like, oh, keep an eye out. I'm like, well, I'll fucking do more than keep an eye out.

Is this on text or is this on message? This is on messenger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why, does that make a difference? I think a text is like more immediate. Like a messenger can just be like put away and then be like a fucking channel. There's eight messages from you.

They get five milligrams, I'll take two and a half. Whatever you got. Yeah. So for a day or so, I start going, oh, you know, let's do the phone charger. And, you know, there's markets this way. And he's like, oh, you know, that's do the phone charger. And, you know, there's markets this way. And he's like, you know, that's 40 minutes away. I'm like, oh, that's not my problem.

You accepted the shopping list. All your directions were all around the shitty restaurants around there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bullying him into putting on share my location. So you've just been like triangulating. There's one around the corner right now. Go 100 metres. It's like.

Stop, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. Get the charger while you're there get the screen so I can talk thank me later can you bring that back because if you can

I'd be pretty rad so it goes on and on like that and I'm like right I've given a day's worth of battery I'm getting nothing out of that

so I go back to the drugs bit and I'm just getting left on how many messages do you reckon you send oh there's heaps there's fucking heaps

this is just a rolling conversation all through the day yes this is this is him there for a week and he's copying this every day and is he laughing like is he amused by it no it's by the by three days in i don't think it was that funny anymore no it's just me it's just you know like your partner you being at the pub and going don't forget the milk on your way home you're like yeah i fucking i heard you. I still mightn't get it. Milk's not good for you. Here's the side effects of milk. It's not good for cows.

They can get bruised teats. Yeah. Yeah. So by the end, I'm like, fuck, I'm not, I don't reckon I'm getting any of this. Like I've pushed it too hard. He clearly doesn't want to do it. He's given me every indication he's not going to get it.

You're jealous because I'm rocking up to your gigs fucking stone yeah yeah my last turning up with a 100% battery in the sweetest Chang drip

you've ever seen and I'm like fuck so then he's come back I've tried to you know he's messaged me

at one point I've left him alone he messaged me at one point going on the way you've left him alone now that he's back home no no no he's not back yet him alone now that he's back home.

No, no, no, no. He's not back yet. Oh, right, right, right. He's like, last day. I'm like, oh, and he... What's your plans? What's your plans for the last day? Because what I like to do is I shop. I get gifts for people that are back home.

That's a big day to do that. Literally said that. Literally goes, this is probably the time that most people get stuff for their loved ones. You know? The last minute presents, you know. I mean, you know what? Chemists always open. And you have no loved ones because you're a fan of comedy.

So get me some drugs. Get some for some liked ones, you know. For some put up ones. So then he's gone. He's in the air. I'm like, all right, well, it's in the hands of the gods now. So then the next gig that happens. Just hoping the Skymore comes past with those.

With a battery charger. Can you get duty free value? Can you get that? Oh, that'd be great. So then he, I go, all right, he's going to come to this one of the gigs. Once he gets back, the first gig he comes back to, he can't wait to explain, the Monday night. Waltz is in and I'm like, oh, how was your trip?

Yeah, good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What else happened? Oh, waltzes in and I'm like, oh, how was your trip? Yeah, good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What else happened? Oh, yeah, great. And it's like, we both know what's happening. Oh, yeah. What else happened?

I'm just asking questions of stuff I've been asking for seven days. What was the food like? Was the weather good? So the disappointment when you realise it's not coming. Yeah. And I knew it's not coming. Yeah, yeah. So I'm just like treading water.

I'm going, so I suppose, you know, I'm just like treading water. I'm going, so I don't suppose you're, you know, I'm thinking maybe this is a thing I would do to people, you know, trick them and say you're not going to get it and then you go, ah, I was tricking all along here. That wasn't what he did. He's fucking gone hard with the trick if he had. Yeah, that wasn't the trick. That wasn't the trick at all.

So I go, I don't suppose you got any valiums or anything, did you? He's like, I told you. It's bad for you. I'm saving you from yourself. I'm saving you from yourself. I'm saving you from addiction. I mean, look, I think some of it was tongue in cheek, but it was also, you did not want to buy this. And that's fine.

But I'm like, okay, we've gone through all the arguments. I've said it's legal over the counter. You don't want to do it. Okay, we're over it. You do need to get someone that's already going to be getting it for themselves. that's the trick yes so then i go okay right we'll put that one to bed now as for the other thing on the list item two yeah i don't i don't suppose you you got the other thing that i want much much less than the first one but i don't i don't suppose you you got something else and he goes well, as we have it,

and puts his hand in his pocket and then pulls out the, where is it? Oh, I've got it here. Pulls out the phone charger. And I go, oh, awesome. Thanks so much for that. That's great. This is like a song and dance that a parent does for a kid

when they've gone away from work. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't get you anything. Oh, did I? Yeah i yeah also it looks like you got it from the apple shop and it's cost you 160 bucks well i said to him so okay and again like we talked about before i go all right well i said i'd pay you for it so you you did get it for 10 bucks you didn't go and get it for 20 bucks or anything did you and he goes oh well and i go no you i mean you got it i want

that's the hunt for the bargain like i want the i want the endorphins from getting a good deal i want one that could catch fire yeah yeah yeah i'm willing to i wanted the ten dollar one you know did you get to last a week yeah and then break did you get the ten dollar one he's like oh i didn't no i didn't get the ten dollar one i'm like oh my fuck all right well how much do i owe you and he's like in here for valium yeah yeah well how much do i owe you i told you i'd give you the money for it he's like oh i said what which market did you go to did you go to like an expensive one did you go to a knockoff shop he's oh well no i sort of remembered on the way home and um yeah i got it i You didn't buy that at the airport, did you?

JB at Sydney Airport. So then he's just, so his souvenirs from Thailand is nothing and something from the Apple shop in Australia. Jesus. Oh, no. Fuck. I'm like, well, now I've just given you, now I just have to give you $100 that I would have fucking bought.

Yeah. There's a JB 100 metres from Spleen. I could have just walked down there and got it. I've got you to fly to another country. Yeah, what for you didn't think he was doing you? I'm going to hit this guy up and be like, can you get my groceries this week for me down the street? He's like milk run for Apple products. Yeah, he's got me no souvenirs from Thailand at all.

He's just got me like, he's got me like one of those Melbourne shirts from the airport. Some koalas. Yeah. I bet it's working great. And an opal. Yeah, well, he goes, well, I did look up the reviews of the $10 ones, and they don't sound that good. I'm like, no fucking shit.

They're $10. Also, how do you look up reviews for knockoff Apple products in Thailand? Who's reviewing them? That's a good site to start up. A community forum where you review all the knockoff shit at all the different markets. Oh, yeah, I didn't like that dodgy DVD of the Shawshank Redemption. Too many people walked past the camera as you were filming it in the cinema.

Remember there were levels of dodgy. Some of them would be like a direct kind of rip, like they'd be digital, and then some would be just appallingly shot in the cinema. So yeah, a resource where you get online and like-minded fans of markets. Here's how to save yourself five baht. Don't go for this version. I had a mate when we were in Thailand. I think it was the first time I was over there.

So it was like 2006. We were there for a wedding. And this mate, we were in Thailand for the, I think it was the first time I was over there, so it was like 2006, we were there for a wedding. And this mate who worked in finance and he wanted to get like a knockoff Rolex. And so he'd kind of, he'd done all his shopping around and was like, I know the best places to get it. Who's this guy? I need to get him as my new man. Yeah, mate, he'd bring you back stuff.

And he like was talking to this guy. Get reviews for Valiums, that'd be good. And they were showing us the watches. It really put me to sleep. Five stars. They were showing us the watches that were out the front. He's like, come on, mate, take us to the good stuff. He's like, yeah, come through.

So we go to this back room. Oh, yes. Yeah, and there's all these Rolexes and stuff. I've been in the back room before. Yeah. I did this, and I went into the back room, and then they closed the door, and I was like, I've made a terrible mistake. Yeah, they did.

They closed the door. No one knows where I am. Yeah, they closed the door and I was like I've made a terrible mistake they closed the door no one knows where I am yeah they closed the door and they're showing us all these other watches and the guy's getting a key out and hitting the glass on it

going you know you can't scratch it and all this sort of shit and so my mate's paying like 40 bucks which you know for anything you buy over in Thailand

it's pretty fucking expensive but for Rolex for a bolex or whatever the fuck it was the bolex it was fine and so he bought like four or five of them because he's like, you know,

I'll roll them through at work and shit. What friend of his at home was he getting these for? No, he was buying them for himself. Someone in the group chat. Buying them for himself. To wear to work. 40 bucks for this Rolex. Where are you now?

I don't know. They closed the door. So he throws them in his luggage, comes home. When he opens up his suitcase, like the hands had fallen off. Sick. Yes. He hadn't even got a chance to wear them. Yeah, that's great.

40 bucks a pop. Yeah, but they weren't scratched. Okay, that's good. Yeah, that's good. You can find a repairer here. Maybe they'd fix it. Maybe he scratched it. That's how it actually, that's like winding it.

I did that once. I bought a watch once from the store and literally put it on and went, that's great, and walked honestly from you to that wall, like about three metres, and it stopped working. I turned around and went back and went, this doesn't work anymore. He's like, yeah. That's why we need this website.

Keep those cunts in the market honest. But I guarantee you, you'll be vindicated. You'll be out with Milan. He'll have a flat phone. No way of charging it up. That baby's going to last you a long time. You'll be soaring with the eagles with that one. I know, I know, that baby's going to last you a long time. Yeah. You'll be soaring with the eagles with that one. I know,

I know, but he's, he hasn't said anything about it. Like, I think it all works perfectly. Yeah. I think that's a good one. Yeah,

it's still only like a couple of months on. Yeah, I guess so. And so did you pay him or are you giving him freebies for comedy? I think by the time I exploded a couple of times, he sort of went, keep your money actually,

I don't want to fucking hear about it anymore. Yeah, that's so stressful. That's a tactic, isn't it? actually, I don't want to fucking hear about it anymore. Yeah, that's so stressful. That's a tactic, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. That guy needs a holiday now.

Yeah, he does, doesn't he? Well, that was, so that was, speaking of Malama. Get him to get you a Rolex

and get one at the fucking airport. It's 25,000. Chandler, could you just explode in front of this guy so I don't have to pay for this? That was, So that was the So the last time I went to Thailand

That was Talking about getting that battery With Milan Yeah That was the last time I went A treasured memory Yes So that was what

December or November You've been since then Haven't you Rosie Yeah I went just before Christmas Can you When was the last time Yeah we were there the same time That's right

Right Fuck you beat me Fuck God damn it Last time I went just before Christmas. Can you remember the last time you went? Yeah, we were there the same time. That's right. Right. Fuck, you beat me. Fuck. God damn it. Last time I went, so we went to Bangkok. We talked about this on the show, boys trip. We went for a celebration of Nick Capper's life, him beating cancer.

And so nine of us went over to celebrate the fact he'd beat cancer. Nick Capper did not go. Half the people who went do not know Nick Capper. Good. It was more like a tax write-off do not know Nick Capper it was more like a tax write off except instead of tax it was like you know

partner write off where everyone was telling the partners we're doing it for Capper who's Capper I don't know so Capper's a straw man

at this point yeah which coincidentally like yeah maybe that wasn't the best tactic for half of the people who went

because there was a breakup while we were there like a wife angry with the partner for being because there was a breakup while we were there. Oh, really? A wife angry with the partner for being over there for no fucking reason. So that relationship ended off the back of our boys.

And it still ended. Yes. Fantastic. Well played. Nothing's a Valium count for us. That's right. Everyone needs to calm down. Did it end when he got back

and he had the charger and the Valiums back? That's it. You cut. It was literally like us. Mid-trip. Yeah, us walking around. What do you do? Okay, so do you fly home early and try and save it,

or do you just go, oh, fuck it, here we go? Yeah, here we go. I'll just get a new knock-off wife while I'm over here. You're in the best place to get over it. Yeah, literally, like, he went... Because there's nine of us, like, you know, it took half a day to realise one person had gone missing. I was like, where's that guy gone?

He'd been gone for a day and it's like... He was breaking up with his wife. Yeah, and you're all hitting the medicinal marijuana pretty hard, so him having, like, scratchy red eyes doesn't really stick out. And then we get back and she's like, oh, I think we should get back together. And you're like, oh, I wouldn't kiss me on the mouth for a bit. I went and had some fun. I thought we were done.

Yeah, exactly. You said we broke up. We were on a break. Marriage of how long? I don't know. I didn't know the guy super well. Any kids involved? I believe so.

Because you're right. It's a great question. Do you just go, do you just know it's like nothing can save this, I'm fucked or do you go,

you know what, if I get to the airport right now and get back, I can probably fix this. I think you may have tried that but then eight other blokes

went, you fucking pussy and he's like, oh, I better stay. Because it's so that thing, you know, I'm out of his passport.

Dude's rock. We're here forever. When you've got a decision to make, they say flip a coin, right? You know what it's like that thing, you know. Six foot is passport. Dude's rock. We're here forever. When you've got a decision to make, they say flip a coin,

right? You know what it's going to be. So in his head he would have been like, this is

unsalvageable. And so I'm just going to hang around with fucking six blokes I don't know and my two

other mates. Yes. And just fucking have some fun. I mean, it's not like coming home

from the pub where you can be back in like half an hour. Yes. By the time you book

your flight, get to the airport, do that flight. Yes. It's a couple days anyway. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Also you book your flight, get to the airport, do that flight. Yes. It's a couple days anyway.

Yeah, well, that's it. It's a waste of time. That's it. Also, by this point, so this is the bit where we went, we talked about this on a previous episode, but we weren't in Bangkok. We were in Hua Hin, which is like a three-hour trip from Bangkok. Or if you went on the train, we went, five-and-a-half-hour trip. So that's how far away we were.

You can't rush back or whatever. So it's not his fault. No. It fell apart. Yeah, his fault yeah yeah i was on my way babe they only had middle seats left you know how i get you know i like my shoulder room yeah you know me and train sickness now when we were over there last time troy at the same time now we didn't catch up but uh you what was it there was something that you and your partner weren't going to have a drink. And then you saw photos, because I was over there with Limo and his wife and then another friend, Steph. And it was just like fucking party time where we were. And you saw a post that we'd put up?

Yeah, literally on Instagram. We were sitting there at a dinner. We were like, we're not going to drink till the weekend or something. We're on Fitness Street, mate. We were at like a Mexican place and I was just scrolling Instagram and I saw a photo that Rosenberg and Lima and it was just all the chairs. You couldn't see the plastic for Chang and Singer bottles. Yeah.

And it just looks like they're having the best time and I said, I'm getting a fucking beer. I like how you gloss over that story. I was there with Lima and his wife And another friend Steph You were on holidays With Limo and his wife And your ex-girlfriend

Yes that is correct That is a Interesting dynamic I mean we get along really well So it's kind of fun Yeah I'm sure it is But on paper That does seem

That does seem odd Fucking hard work It would seem odd But yeah we get along And have done We broke up like Six years ago Five and up like six years ago five and a half six years ago right so i don't think i could conduct a civil conversation one

on one for five minutes with the next girlfriend you're going to a different continent with it you'll go in there all the time by yourself lee uh rosie you'll go in there with an ex troy congratulations who's holidaying in a normal way we We didn't get your proposal. How did you propose? In Thailand? Yeah, in Thailand. In Thai. So when we had been previously... He just said hello a couple of times. Thank you.

Saudi car, does that cover it all? Just hello and then look up the word for forever. Hello forever? Yeah. So I was trying to get... Did you get the ring over there? How much did you pay? I bought the ring here. Oh, forever? Yeah. So I was trying to get... Did you get the ring over there? How much did you pay? I bought the ring here.

Oh, you fucking idiot. I know. You idiot bought it over there in the market. You got it here, but a friend had bought it over there for you. Yeah. On the market and brought it back. You got your wife, your fiancé to buy the ring for herself over there and then give that back to you.

Okay, that makes sense. And then... So were you nervous about travelling with the ring, flying it over there? Yeah Smuggling something into Thailand And I had it in my Suitcase that I checked as well

And I've gone before Where my bag's gone Missing for like Weeks Fuck But you know Run the gauntlet Fuck it

Yeah I mean It ruins the surprise If you're like Going through the security machine And it pings And you've got to Get it out of your pocket Oh yeah

Because I'll be thinking I'll put it in my shoe or something. It's only small. You can keep it on you. Well, you could wear it yourself. Or a toe ring. Have it as a toe ring for a bit. You'd love the guy I bought it from in Collins Street in Melbourne. He was telling me I can get the tax back on it if I pretend I got it over there.

And he filled out the form and he goes, all you've got to do is you've got to, like, sneak off from your girlfriend at the airport and fill this out. But then when you come back in, oh, you have to go through separately. And when you come back in, she has to pretend that it's not a new ring. And then you'll get, like, two grand back or something. Oh, my God. And I just went along with him. But in my head, I'm like, there's no way she will go on she would be petrified and then he goes you'll be able to do it though

and he goes um i just like i wouldn't even bring it up if you didn't seem like the sort of person that could go through with it he didn't seem like a massive i made a mind who's like a slick talking lawyer he did it and they took him into a room and he said he was sweating bullets and just like caved. I'm like, but you're telling me to fucking do it? Jesus Christ. Do you think you're the sort of bloke that would do it because you walked in and went, oh, I'll give you 50 bucks for that ring?

Yeah, I've never seen Joe Kinney and thought this guy's giving off a Better Call Saul kind of vibe. Yeah, fuck. But I mean, if you pitched it to your partner as like, hey, you know, we're getting a sweet two grand out of this. That'll be the honeymoon. That's the thing. Yeah, exactly.

Nice deal. We'll use that money on a nice little staycation in the city. You just got to not fucking run on it. Yeah, that's like 200 phone charges. Yeah. But then, so when we had been previously, when we sort of, so this is when we saw you car like a few days later we hiked down to this secret beach like it's like there was like wires and that there's someone to put there to scale down this rock right so you're in phuket

right yeah yeah and this is like her being the most adventurous thing she had done and we went to this secret beach whatever we went together or anything then but then we sort of just knew knew that as our that's our beach that no one else has ever been to yeah so i thought i've got to propose on there so i had organized and i made a little video that's basically had a picture of that beach at the end and said taxi's waiting for it i got up in the morning i went straight there and she woke up to like this little almost like a treasure map thing of finding a fucking diamond or whatever yeah this is what i was embarrassed about because um we had just started doing escape rooms together so years ago i did a heap of in in la and i fucking loved him and then i had to convince her to do one and

when we were the first one we did i asked the guy i said so if you don't you know of any other ones this guy was like a real nerd for escape rooms he goes i actually proposed to my girlfriend in an escape room like in an escape room, like in an escape room. I'm like, oh, this fucking guy. And then later when I did mine, she goes, I like posing, because it's sort of like an escape room. I'm like, oh, my God, I fucking did like the same thing. I basically made an escape room in Thailand.

And so I'm on this boat. Proposing in an escape room is very – It's not a great metaphor, is it? No, not really. It's getting off to a weird start good luck getting out of this yeah my friend works

for a company that has that like runs escape rooms and like when they were sort of getting it all off the ground she got me and some other friends

to come in and just do them and like film and like film us in there as like a bit of a just like an ad like an online ad for it

I should try and find the video because it's like fuck they've stitched and find the video because it's like, fuck, they've stitched me up a treat because it's like, they're constantly throughout this video, there's shots of me being like, oh, okay, so yeah, I reckon it's I'm putting these clues together and I reckon it's this and then just someone else in the video going like,

oh yeah, there's a button here and that's opening the door. They've made me look like the dumbest cunt. Just shot after shot after shot of me just botching it. Someone just grabbing the door handle and opening it it is literally it is that it's literally and it's me trying to go like beautiful mind like now there's eight tiles on the roof i think that means that we have to do eight you're like the mr bean of the instructional video yeah totally i'll try and find it and post it on the are they scary or they're just slow some kind clues Some can be scary Yeah okay Some are but Yeah

Scary ones I fucking hate them They are But you No they should do it properly Like you You sign up to it Fill it with water

No but like you sign up to it And at two in the morning They just fucking Come into your bedroom Cloak over their head Into the boot Then you're in a fucking room And then you're like

Oh you remember when you said You wanted to shine up to the escape room Fucking not really we did one in LA that was the basement that was a scary one and when you're in there you just hear

banging in this other room and you open this cupboard and there's a guy in there who plays a character like a nutcase who gives you sort of clues but he's just constantly screaming

and acting like a fucking warpo and then we didn't finish it and I was with Josh Lawson who if he doesn't finish one, he can't fucking sleep at night. So a few days later we did it again.

And because we knew it, that guy's banging on the cupboard and Josh just goes, just leave that cunt in there for a while. So we got to the very end, he's in the cupboard like probably gasping for air. That sounds like we did a haunted house at the Royal Melbourne show one year intended for babies and we were shitting ourselves it was the worst I hated it

it was really fucking full on because it's middle of the day there's no tactics or there's no there's no clues or anything it's just some cunt in a fucking bed sheet

jumping at you I'm like yeah that's bad I don't want that I don't know who that is and it's not meant to be an escape room

it's literally just walk from A to B through here it's the opposite of an escape room because there's literally just walk from A to B through here. It's the opposite of an escape room because there were bits in this haunted house thing where you walk through where we just got too scared to move. Yeah. And there's someone screaming at us and then they get sick of screaming and they had to like tap us on the shoulder and go, mate, that way.

Yeah. Pointing us how to get the fuck out of there. I had to like mute the fake chainsaw to be like, the door's just the right way. Yeah. We've got another group coming through. Can you fuck off? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you been into like a mirror maze? They're fucking like just can blow your mind. Like, well, my girlfriend and I were,

this is my now ex-girlfriend, Steph. We were down at Dark Mofo and they had one of those, it's almost like a mobile one, mirror maze, you get in and we were blind and it's not a place We were down at Dark Mofo And they had one of those It's almost like a Mobile one

Mirror maze You get in And we were blind And it's not a place To be in there Off your chops You're just fucking So hard to get out

But I just Also you don't really want to Look at yourself that drunk as well A lot of things are pretty scary When you're blind 15 of yourself yeah Yeah I went to see the movie Chicago

When I was really drunk When it was in cinemas Hang on is that the musical? Yeah But the movie of when I was really drunk, when it was in cinemas. Hang on, is that the musical? Yeah, but the movie of it. And it was scary. Yeah. It's too much happening. It's too drunk.

I hated it. It's just sensory overload. Felt really panicked. Yeah, go on. No. Oh, no, that was it. I got out. I managed to get out because I just kept my hand on the wall

and figured it's eventually going to lead somewhere. And then she had a fucking meltdown in there while I was outside and I could hear her. And you go, you're dumped. Are you free in five years to go on holiday with me, though? Limo's going to be there if that's what you feel. I remember at a barley restaurant where I was doing a gig there, but they were showing us where they were doing the gig the next time,

and it was like the best place ever, and it was like surrounded in mirrors, the whole wall. And they were just giving us free drinks, and I got fucking so drunk. I went to the toilet, and I went to go in, and there was a guy there. I said, oh, sorry, you go, mate. And it was me in the mirror. And I just looked around and said, did anyone fucking see us? Why is this guy pissing on me boy i've really embarrassed myself

so so uh hua hin so we go to hua hin this is where the breakup happens and all that this guy goes missing for a day or whatever so hua hin is this sort of like little beach town that's not really very super touristy it's more like it it's a town that the locals go to. So it's sort of – there's a beach, but there's no, like, big rah-rah sort of bits of – it's more of a locals – Yeah, it's more of a locals. It's the St Kilda of Bangkok. It's – you know what it is?

It's more like us flying overseas to go to Geelong. Okay. That's sort of what it is. Okay. It's not like a tourist destination, but it's a place that people that live near there will go there because a bit of a bit there's a good beach there's nearly the capital yeah all that sort of stuff so and it's quite nice but we went there because i sort of watched a lot of videos during lockdown and found that town i went i'd like to go there one day i said to the other guys what do you think about going to this beach town hua hin

for a day while we're in Bangkok they're like we don't give a fuck what we're doing because I was asking them that six months out they were like I don't fucking care you handle it

even when we got to Bangkok I was like do you want to go to Hua Hin tomorrow they're like what I'm like I've been talking to you about it for six months they're like

okay we muted that group five months ago I was busy fighting with my wife yeah so they literally on the day were like

the last word she said was if you go over there and then something else I don't know yeah I'd been planning this trip for six months or whatever

and they're like the night before we're like drinking are we all going away tomorrow and they're like how do you get tickets for that

and I'm like oh fuck here's the link get some tickets now so that's we all end up all on different parts of the train

and whatever so anyway we go down on the train was the train good was it like being on a train in Japan where you can get food and drink

we talked about this on an app we talked about it for a long time it was fucking awful it was terrible bad food went incredibly slow

we were told it was going to go for three hours it went for five and a half no beers no nothing was it like Japan what do you reckon it was the worst train I've ever been on it was going to go for three hours. No beers? Five and a half. Yeah, no beers, no nothing. Was it like Japan? What do you reckon?

It was the worst train I've ever been on. It was terrible. Yeah, so we get down there. Town's quite nice, but again, not like a touristy town. We stayed in this little resort, this tiny little hotel, and the thing was that even the tuk-tuk drivers didn't know where it was, so we kept going out and trying to get taxis to go back,

and they would never know where it was, So we kept going out and trying to get, you know, taxis to go back. And they would never know where it was. And we're like, oh, fuck. And there's no street names or anything. We didn't know how to tell them where to go. So we end up going, fuck, what is there around here that is close to? And we found this massive, the one landmark in this town that we could find, and it was quite near our place was, it was this massive statue, right? But it was this weird statue it was a massive statue of a man stabbing a shark in the head now not only

not only was he stabbing the shark in the head but he'd mounted it from behind and no exaggeration you first look at it you go that man is fucking a shark he's fucking a shark he's straddling the shark did it well enough to get a statue about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're saying to these guys on the trip, you're split up, don't worry, mate, plenty more fish in the sea. Yeah, you're right.

So this statue, we get fascinated with it. It's like, what the fuck? Why would they have a statue? Like, as if anyone's ever fucking done that that who's ever jumped on the back of a shark and stabbed and had a knife on and stabbed in the head what the fuck's going on so we i start looking it up and doing research on it they go and i'm asking people about i'm like why is there a statue there and they go oh there's a funny story about that i'm like oh what's the funny story they go that replaces the old statue of the man who was stabbing the shark in the head i'm

like that's not really a story. That's just the same thing again. And why'd they pull the last one down? Was it like a Saddam Hussein statue? He died and the fucking regime was over. Yeah, when the shark fucker finally was defeated, they pulled that down. Stomped on it, hit it with shoes. But now he's back and they had to build a new statue.

The other one was the shark fucking him that's probably so I looked it up and I'm like so what why did they have the original statue and they go

and literally it says oh yeah here's the history of that statue the mayor just they said we need a new statue and the mayor come in

and said what about a man stabbing a shark in the head and they go what's this in reference to and he said I just like the idea. So do I, by the way.

They just build a statue of it. But I'll find a picture of it. It so full on looks like a man fucking a shark. Well, but just statues of shit you want to see. Statues of just old fucking people who did stuff 200 years ago. Who cares? Just make some shit up.

That's right. It is to commemorate things that exist. And this thing has... I've got books for that. If you had a statue of a guy like spinning heel, kicking a donkey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would go to that statue. I want to start buying that.

So one of the statues at the front of the MCG, some old footy player, I believe, and he's like... They've really accurately and detailed like... He's bald, but he's like really they've really accurately and detailed, like, he's bald, but he's like really long at the back, but like full chrome dome. And they've so accurately just done like the smooth head. And every time I used to walk past it when I lived near there, I'd just be like, cut, you're making a statue of the guy.

Give him a full head of hair. Cut him some slack. I reckon that's, yeah, Kevin Bartlett, that's what he's known for. So they've actually done that. And he would be really happy With the comb Really Yeah yeah

Man it always It always just depressed me a lot Because if you had him with hair People would be like I don't know who that is Which is not what you want to do I found the statue That's the statue

The man stabbing Now does that If you took that little spear That little spear away That's a man fucking a shark Absolutely From behind So he's spooning it

And they're on their knees Well sharks He's on his shark knees Doggy style You should have done like And the shark's loving it Yeah man fucking a shark. Absolutely. From behind. So he's spooning it and they're on their knees. Well, sharks. He's on his shark knees. And the shark's loving it. If you take the spear or whatever that knife

is away, that looks like a consensual sex between a man and a shark. Yeah, you should have done like Bart cutting off the head of Jebediah Simpson,

just like middle of the night, lop the spear off the naked hand. Also the fact that you showed us that statue, it's all white so what is it built from? It's not even like they painted

it or anything. I don't know, I didn't get that deep into it, unlike the man but yeah so that was near our house so that became, because no one knew where our hotel was, literally we'd get in a tuk-tuk and go straight ahead, turn left at the man bumming

the shark and the tuk-tuk driver would be like, yep, no worries. You've got to know your local landmarks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we, because it wasn't like, it was a bit of a locals place, we saw a big sign for like the local soccer team, football team, Hua Hin FC, and I just offhandedly said it as we were having a beer with the other guys. I'm like, what do you reckon we go and do that?

And they go, fuck yeah. The shark stabbers. The shark bummers. Yeah. It's the local derby. The shark stabbers versus the shark bummers. It's a two-handed mascot deal. So you've got a guy dressed up like a big shark and he's coming out.

Oh, yes. The guy's coming out with a really oversized knife. Oh, he's behind you. Look away, kids. He's fucking him again from behind. Pin him down Fuck him No

Whoever wins Gets to be the one behind At the end of the match They get to reenact it I like it So we go to the We go to the game We go alright

We get in the taxi We go to the game And it's like a little stadium And we're like Oh this is cool This is like semi-pro This is like This is great

And we go there And there's like It's a proper stadium How much did it get in? oh it wasn't much it was like i think it was like five dollars yeah okay so yeah it's less than a battery pack yeah exactly it's a good deal half the deal um so they had a big um tent outside with all and we we got to go inside we'll grab a beer they go no no you gotta buy the beers outside i'm like oh okay so we grab a heap of beers outside there's no one in the stadium at all like five minutes before the game

there's literally no one in the stadium everyone's out there drinking like oh I mustn't be licensed inside the stadium or whatever so I guess we just drink here and we can't we better scull them before we bring them in

they're like no no you can fucking bring them in what's the yeah what's the issue then I don't really understand what the issue is so we go inside the stadium and we see that we go up the stairs and everyone's drinking and then? I don't really understand what the issue is. So we go inside the stadium and we see that

we go up the stairs and everyone's drinking and then we start going, fuck, well, we've drunk that already. We better go back down. And they've got a whole commentary box

there as well. So there's like cameras and stuff. There's guys doing commentary and like, oh, this is pretty cool. This is going out live and whatever.

And as we go down the stairs, there's like literally a guy going, don't going don't don't um just watch where you step you're drinking um you're going out for a beer yep watch where you step don't kick that cord over don't touch the cord like don't touch what's the fucking cord and i look and the reason that they're not having drinks inside the stadium is there's literally no electricity inside the stadium there's a there's a cord for the cameras and the commentary box and everything that's going like snaking all the way down the stairs that you're told not to trip over and then it comes out

and it's like plugged into like a little fucking outlet outside the stadium. So you don't, you're not allowed. Like they're just like, there's a guy permanently there going, don't kick out the entire coverage of this game. That's great. As you're getting beers. So the game was fun it was like

a heap it was like an expats thing where all the 60, 70 year old Germans and European people go there with their 30 year old Thai wives

and that's their day out for the week and they go there and sit there and they get really excited like for the they do the like the theme song

five you know five minutes before the game and then they're so fucked they don't make a noise for the entire rest of the match so we're sitting there and we're like oh we thought there was going to be like a fight or something because over on the other side of the stadium there's a big sign that says ultras so if you know anything about soccer and football especially in europe ultras are generally like the right wing right yeah yeah and the the violent the fascist section

of like the supporters of uh of the club or whatever that cause all the trouble, the flares, violence, threats, everything. Anyway, ultra section, three people. Three ultras. So don't mess with those three. You've got to respect that a bit more though because if it's a big crowd, it's like, well, a lot of people are here just because they've got some mates or whatever. You're swept up in the pack.

But those three people, they're committed. They're committed to being fucked in the head. Yeah, yeah. But they're like the other side of the whole ground. So they're like yeah they're committed to being fucked in the head yeah yeah but they're like the other side of the whole ground so they're like fuck you

it's like yeah cool we'll take it so I love that yeah it was great so that was really fun and so we

we go back now here's the thing we were supposed to be in Bangkok the whole time this was sort of like a all the guys thought they were staying in Bangkok the whole time

yeah this was sort of like a a weird sort of thought they were staying in Bangkok the whole time. Yeah. This was sort of like a, a weird sort of last minute trip. How long were you there for? How many nights? It was like five or six, five, maybe.

Yeah. In the seaside town? Yeah, yeah, because we, yeah, we thought we were going down for one day

and one day in, we're just having such a great time. One person turned to the other, I can go, how about we just stay here another night? And everyone's like, fuck yeah. And then that happened every day from then on someone would just go one more night we're like fuck yeah so yeah eventually we go all right we've got to go

back at the the flight back to melbourne is like today yeah so we're we're in um and we're like fuck how do we get back because we're not going on that train because the train was inside one of the guys has got to come back and look for a house yeah so we're in the pool

we're having a drink in the pool in the morning and we're like fuck how are we going to get back and I get out to get a beer and I go

you know what while I'm getting my beer I'll go out and I'll order a bus so I get on the lappy order a bus jump back in the pool and I go don't worry boys I've ordered a bus and So I get on the lappy, order a bus, jump back in the pool.

And I go, don't worry, boys, I've ordered a bus. And one of my mates goes, oh, what did you do that for? Because at the same time you got out, I went and ordered like a couple of buses. I'm like, why did you order a couple of buses? There's literally eight of us. It's like, oh, you know, it's like, you know, when you go to Thailand, everything's cheap. You know, you go to dinner.

You might as well order a pizza and a curry and a burger. Take a nibble out of everything. It's like, oh, just take a nibble out of three buses. Yeah, spread out. Just you and the driver. Yeah. Yeah. There's literally eight of us and there's now three proper buses taking us back to Bangkok on a three-hour trip.

I'm like, and he's like, oh, it'll be fine. I'm like, that's fucking insane. We don't need three buses so then the next time i get out of the bus like out of the water i go to cancel the bus i go to get to a laptop cancel the bus okay great jump back in i thought that's all clear we go to start you know we pack and everything we go to get the bus and i said to the other guy oh clearly i went and canceled the bus. And you would have cancelled your buses as well. And he goes, no.

He goes, no, I kept the two buses. He goes, oh, I don't know why you cancelled your bus. I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, oh, I went and cancelled your bus for you. And I went, how would you cancel my bus? I ordered it online. You don't know where I ordered it from. I ordered it online. You don't know where I ordered it from. I did it myself.

And he went, oh, I just went to reception and said, oh, we've got two buses coming. If any other bus turns up, just tell them to fuck off. So he's cancelled someone else's bus. Someone else was trying to go back to the airport that day. He's cancelled their bus. School trip, they're still there. Living in this hotel.

That's so great. So then everyone's just spreading out on the fucking bus on the way home. During COVID, I don't know if they still do it, but just when you said living in this hotel, I met up with a mate of mine just after COVID in Thailand. His name's Woody. He had a couple of mates with him. And one of the mates was just a big guy. And if you were to pick who's the biggest drinker,

you'd just pick this guy. And he hadn't said anything the whole time. And he was telling me how there was a place called the Carter International Club. So look that up when you go there. And they got a deal. I don't know if it was just through COVID. But if you spend over 500 baht,

they give you a room for the night. Over 500 baht, so that's 20 bucks Australian on just what, food, beer? Yeah, anything. You can take a room. So if you order like a burger and three beers, take it to your room. Yeah.

Don't eat it out here. And when he told me that, my mate told me that, this guy that hadn't said anything just went, I was there for three weeks. And he actually had on an International Club t-shirt. He had their t-shirt on. That's so funny.

Why would you stay anywhere else? You've got to eat. But you go there for a burger and go, oh, I'll just stay here for three weeks. Fucking hell. In lockdown, I remember Carter was the place that had no one there. Everything was shut. So I think it was just a way of keeping people there. Oh, right.

That's great. Well, there you go, guys. An actual travel tip that you can use. Inside info, yeah. I'm going to go to Carter in a couple of months. Yeah, find it. Yeah, I will. I'm only here because I heard about this dinner. Yeah, I'm here for some fries.

Two bedrooms. I'm really hungry. If I get a lot of food tonight, can I carry it over into a second-class con? If I order the buffet, is that two weeks' worth of a con? All right, we'd better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dum Dum Club. Troy Kinney, Adam Rosenbachs, thank you very much for joining us. Pleasure. Thank you.

We both have live tours coming up, correct? Troy? Melbourne International Comedy Festival. I've been there for the last week of it, I think. Or April 19th. Name of the show is? Made Wrong. Made Wrong.

Threaded through is all the things that are wrong with me. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to do a show called that, but I couldn't find a venue that fit a four-hour show. Dates are last week at the Comedy Festival. April 19th for five days. Comics Lounge.

At the Comics Lounge. Yep. Great. All new. A brand new hour from Troy Keating. All new, yeah. Yeah, nice one. And you're going to other states as well, aren't you?

Yeah, going to Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, and then I'll just keep locking in other dates from there. Yeah, nice one. So I will get to everywhere eventually yeah check it out have you ever done a show in Phuket

have you ever done a no never done one I haven't nah and I keep like the friends I have there always say

why aren't you going to do one here and I'm just like you're never there for that yeah yeah yeah do the Bangkok

comedy club like I did oh yeah that's right that's good yeah I didn't finish the engagement. Should I quickly wrap that up?

Oh, yeah. So, then I'm going to this secret beach. I've got a guy in a long-tail boat. You know when you get there and they all crowd around? Like, I had a backpack and that. Like, oh, this guy's going to fucking go somewhere good. And I just pointed on a map, Google Maps, where I want to go. Four of the guys back away.

And I'm like, is that because I think it's too close not enough money but then I found out it was because the fucking sea was angry that day my friends so we're trying to get to this secret beach and the waves are like

what you'd see in a surf comp and this guy he's trying to get in there because I think he thinks he's not going to get paid unless he gets me there and I'm like mate even if I get there

like I'm looking at diving in I'm down to my jocks then I'm thinking well there's no way Josie's going to get there, like I'm looking at diving in, I'm down to my jocks and then I'm thinking, well, there's no way Josie's going to get off here like my girlfriend. So he just goes, I can take you to another one.

I'm like, another one's got no, you know. Yeah. This is the one. This is our one. So we go to this other island. I've got to text the people

bringing Josie in a different boat where this other island is. I get off onto it and it actually looks nice. I'm like, yeah, this will do. This is great.

But I'd organised a bit of a speech in my head to do with the secret beach. So I've got to like transfer it over. But I get off. He starts to reverse out. And as I'm putting like this, you know, like a sarong down where I'm going to get on one knee, two of those fucking Komodo dragon things come out from the trees. And there's a fucking pig. I think they're like big goannas.

And I just sort of back off, and I just see him start coming back with the boat, and I think, is he going to grab me? And he just says to me, there's a number on the side of his boat, and he goes, take a photo of my phone number in case something happened. Then he reverses it.

I remember Josie looking, oh, he got a photo of the boat. I'm like, no no I only took that Because he said Call me if you get in fucking trouble If you get bitten or something Great plug Give that guy a call If you're ever in trouble

I'll post the photo Rosie You got a show coming up At the Melbourne International Comedy Festival I do It's called High Functioning Idiot I start on April 11 And I'm doing 11 shows

At the Coopers Inn I think at 8, 10 Or something like that Check it out Tickets at Tribooking Find it online Great Thanks very much for listening Thank you On April 11th, and I'm doing 11 shows at the Coopers Inn. I think at 8, 10 or something like that. Check it out. Tickets at Try Booking. Find it online. Great.

Thanks very much for listening. Thank you. Thanks for having us. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. They have done it again. Little ad. Like we said at the top of the show, live show's coming up March 11th.

Adelaide, get in. Then April 1, 8, 15, 15 22 melbourne we have shows there first like we said last week tommy i think april 1st is uh the debut of of the yarn yep but we're not the debut the the pilot pilot episode within the episode the live pilot yeah live pilot yeah in front of a live audience that's the perfect way to do it yeah. So that'll be part of the first show. Let's say that's confirmed. Yeah. So that's exciting.

Yep. Yep. Plenty of other great stuff. Great guests planned for all five shows that we have at the moment. Great guests lined up. A lot of great people in town. That Adelaide show is looking great. Yep.

So get yourself a goddamn ticket to that. Some great potential audience members milling around as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are. Some great people out there at the moment. There's people in town. Yeah great potential audience members milling around as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are. Some great people out there. There's people in town. Yeah. There's people in town at that time.

Some people. Happy for you to be a drop-in guest audience. Yeah. Just walk past, walk in. Thanks. Pay your money. Yeah. Pay at the door.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's important. Yeah. And we might bump people from the lineup of seats in the audience for you. If you're a big audience member. If you're really famous. If you're like a killer audience member. Yeah. We're happy to bump someone.

And if you're in Adelaide right now when this episode comes out, guess what? What? You can come and see my show, Scam Artist. Wow. It's on until Saturday at the Rhino Room. Wow. And believe it or not, that 20-seat room, it's's filling up some of them are well on their way wow so uh yeah we'd love to see some people in there only uh four more chances by the time you listen to this but yeah we'd love to see

you as we speak it's underway as we well as people well as we speak right now as you and i speaking right now it's not. But as people are hearing this, it is. Oh, I was confused. I was like looking at you going, am I in your show? This isn't the show. What's happening? No, no, this isn't the show.

Okay, because I was like, fuck, I don't know. I haven't been working on the show. So I'm like, should I be saying this? No, less people in the show than this. Oh, okay. Right, okay. Because I thought this is a big room for a 20-seater. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That we're in right now. I want everyone to really feel comfortable and spread out. Right. Extreme heat wave over in Adelaide at the moment. It always is this time of year. Yeah, but like. I hate it. Looking up, just kind of like scrolling through the weather app last night to just see what

the weather's, because now I'm like close enough to going that I'm like, let's get a little look on what the weather's going to be on tuesday when i get there and last night in bed at that point in time this was like 11 p.m and it was like 30 degrees or something and at up the top of the weather app it had like a big extreme heat warning and i was like god i wish i was there right now it is love a I love a heat wave. Right as we speak, it is 39 degrees. That is fucking bullshit. That is bullshit-ish for sure. That's not good.

I hate it. I hate the idea of being... I've never done a run of stand-up comedy shows in Adelaide because I hate the idea of going over there, being hard to sell a ticket, and then it being fucking 40 degrees every day and me sitting there going, I wish I was at home.

This is the worst. No, I love the heat. Walking past, being a hot day, walking past a pub and just feeling that blast of air con come out and that pub smell. It's like, oh, there we go. I'll just sit up there. Beautiful. That's actually now winning me over.

I keep thinking it's like a bad dream. I'm in Adelaide. I've got jeans on. I'm walking around the street. I've got no cover. I can't go anywhere. And I'm just hot and I'm crying. But then you say that and you flip it the other way.

Oh, you're just walking to a pub that's got an air con. Well, that sounds good. Yeah, when I say I love the heat, I don't mean I like just standing in the direct sunlight bursting into flames. You don't like big sunstroke. It's like we talk about with the gym. It's like the good part is at the end.

Right. That's what you're doing it for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like the heat just unlocks all sorts of fun things. Right. Like going for a swim. Right. Going to the beach.

Yeah. Getting maggot. They're all better in the heat. Okay. You don't like, you don't just sit in the oven. Mm. Right. Okay.

I also do like, there's something about a heat wave. I feel like we talked about this recently. There's something about a heat wave that really unifies people in the way that cold sort of doesn't. People just go, I'm cold. But like, you know, if you work in an environment

where you're like going in after like a really hot night, it's just all anyone's talking about. Yeah. It really put, and you walk around the streets, you just see it. You just kind of feel like

you're on the same page as your fellow man for a day. Right. You feel really locked in. It's like everyone's experiencing this at the same time in the same way. I did this. That's funny. Last week, a basement comedy club, and it's, look, there's renovations.

We've talked very lightly about this, but, you know, it's going to be called something new in a couple of weeks' time. It's going to be called Morris House. It's going to be open for Comedy Festival. A bunch of cool shows in there. Including us. Including us every Saturday afternoon. So come and have a look at the big renovation. But currently, for the next couple of weeks,

it's at the Imperial Hotel on Friday, Saturday nights. Yep. Great line-up of shows. I did a thing the other day when it was an extreme heat day here in Melbourne where the Friday night was selling fine i was sitting there going you know what this isn't going to sell out um but this is like the first one that hasn't sold out forever yep oh well it's really hot i get it people don't want to you know just get out of their house i understand so i left the house went and got something to eat had a a drink, went, I'll just write this off on my head.

It's not going to sell out. It doesn't matter. Went to the venue, started to open the laptop, check the numbers. Oh, I'd accidentally left the sales open for a capacity way above the capacity of the room. And this is one of those things where people then would come up and go, yeah, but I'll just stand up the back. No, no, no. There's no back to stand in. It's not a tiny room, but it's just like a cat just like it's not big whatever's in there is like that's every

square inch has a chair on it yep yeah and i went oh my god and it was like so it was like 20 people too many wow and then i turned off the sales since i turned off the sales i started getting phone calls emails people walking into the room and going, something's wrong with your website. It says sold out. It's like, there's nothing wrong with it. That's what it is. People desperate to get in on a hot night. No, because this is what had happened. It had been selling really slowly.

And then in between me leaving my house and getting to the pub, cool change. And people just fucking lost their mind and went, we're allowed to do things again. Yeah, interesting. And honestly, I think there was more people trying to buy tickets in that hour or two than had bought tickets the previous four weeks that show had been on sale. That's interesting because my mind goes the complete opposite way.

Cool change hits, I'm like, what's the point of going out? Right. Like if it's a hot night, I'm like, yeah, let's hit the pub, let's sit in the beer garden yeah soak up this beautiful warm atmosphere yeah but then when it gets cooler i'm like i may as well just stay in yeah i don't know i'm more of a hide under the bed at home on a hot day and go i hate this this is the worst and then cool change ah the world's alive let's go and have a look at what's going on yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, all these kinds of thoughts about the weather, you'll hear it live on stage in Adelaide. Well, we've got something for everyone at our show,

at all of our live shows. If you're a person who's scared of the heat, and then, you know, scared of the heat, come along because there'll be air conditioning in there. If you're someone who loves the heat, guess what? Get out of your house, soak in some of the heat, and then come inside. Exactly.

And for you people, maybe we'll turn off the air con for a couple of minutes. Yeah. Yeah. We'll cater to all climates. Yes. Whatever temperature you want, you'll get it at some point during the show. Yeah. You've got to be inclusive in this day and age.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And speaking of being inclusive, if you want to include some of your money in our bank account, you can go to patreon.com. We love being inclusive. Slash Little Dub Numb Club. All different coloured notes. Yeah, no matter our bank account. Yes. You can go to patreon.com. We love being inclusive. Slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. All different coloured notes. Yeah, no matter who you are. We'll take your money.

Different denominations. We don't care. We don't discriminate. Unless it's low. No, yeah, yeah. Anything under a dollar, not for us. Yeah, under zero. Yep.

No thanks. Patreon.com. You're taking money off us. Slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. Get on there. Or go to our website and then you can click the link through there and you can grab merch or our albums or other, like, hundreds of episodes of our normal regular show

that some people still come to this show and go, oh, we'll just start listing, you know, where it's current. We've got archives. Yeah. We've got, you know, I reckon three quarters of the episodes we've got up there are good. Yeah. Have a look around the website.

Find the ones that are no good. Yeah. Sign the guest Yeah. Have a look around the website. Find the ones that are no good. Yeah. Sign the guest book. Have a look at the little visitor counter. Yep. A little gif of a dog running back and forth down the bottom of the page. Yep. Get in the live chat room.

Yeah. We're there 24 hours a day. Exactly. Yeah. Someone always. We're like one of those little robot things except it's us. I hate that. Those websites where you'll just be on the target web page and then a chat window pops up hi you look like you're lost on the target website

can i help you i hate it because you get in there and you go you know what i actually do need help now where are these things and they go it sounds like you're asking how far away is the chadston store so that's not what i'm asking people are losing their mind you're asking you're answering questions that i didn't ask yeah i want a live chat cunt there now. People are losing their minds over Microsoft's AI chatbot. You know, did you see that thing during the week where it's like, there's one of these stories every like six months or whatever, you know, there'll be an AI chat robot,

and it'll have a conversation with someone where it's like, I want to be alive. I'm depressed. Like I'm aware that I'm an AI and I want to kill myself. Yeah. And it's like people go oh that's scary i think the fucking they're like the super cheap auto fucking chat window popping up that's scarier to me right that's scarier to me than the sentient ai chat

program yeah i just i don't know i was looking for chat robots last night i couldn't get it i was pissed off i was like this fucking problem needs to be solved and there's no one to fucking solve it and now i'm sending an email to address that is never going to be answered yep annoying very shit okay so anyway we provide that service on our website we do yeah that's either me or you or both of us yeah we're part of the problem yeah um so yeah uh patreon get on there get yourself two bonus mini episodes every week. And more impressively, go into the draw to have your name read out at the end of an episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. I had someone... Just after the weather. Yeah.

I had someone come up to me at a show the other night. And I'd done a spot at Spleen on a Monday night. And they came up and said, oh, aware blah blah blah i'm like oh great this is it i i'm signed up to the patreon great and you've never read my name out like oh sorry about that i'll take your name down and i'll do the research and see why we haven't read it or yeah whatever it is and sorry about that i've been signed up for five years and you haven't read my name and i'm like oh, that seems like a genuine oversight. Okay, well, I'll get on to that.

As soon as I get home, I look at the time-wise. It was very clear that that person had walked out, double-checked and gone, whoops, I'm not subscribed. I better fucking resubscribe right now so I don't sound like I'm a fucking cunt. And then you don't know that I get an email notifying me of that. You've done that two minutes after you walked out the front of Spleen, by the way. Impressive. Yes.

I respect it. Yes. However, they will not have their names read out this week. Not coming up today? Not today. Okay. Not today. All right.

Who knows? It's very random. Who knows? Yeah, could. Hey, anything's possible. All right. Let's do the, as they say, as they said in Casablanca, play it again, first cab off the rank. So let's do that.

Play it for the first time. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sean McQuillan. Sean McQuillan. Now it's a Sean with an S-E-A-N. Does that change your mind? Does that sway you at all? Maybe.

Look, maybe I'm contradicting something I've said previously, but at this point in time I've got to say I don't feel one way or the other about either spelling of Sean. Can't wait for the diehards to clip together all the previous things you've said about different spelled Sean's

out there. So I was a bit distracted. The person whose house this is texted me to say hey, I'm just going to come pick up our kids' bikes. Right. Does it suit if I get there at 4.03pm? And I wrote back and said, do you mean 4.30? Or are you just being incredibly specific? Yeah.

And what did they say? Well, I just was typing that then. I don't know. Okay. So, yeah, I'm just waiting to find that out. I really hope it's 4. 403 because I reckon we... I'll hang around until then and keep the show running until then just to see this guy, this character come in after a bike.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it's 4.30... He's just like going to come in through the garage and get the bikes. I can't wait to... But he was asking if I could bring the mail out. Can't wait to cop a load of this character. Yeah, he said, would you mind bringing the mail out? And I said,

do you mean 4.30? Which does make it sound like my answer hinges on whether it's 4.03 or 4.30. Yeah. No, I was just going by Google Maps. I mean, just after four. All right.

Oh, okay. We got to get this show on the road. All right. Yeah, we'll be... No, fuck it. We'll be done by then. I don't need to go out and see this guy.

He really changed your tune. Yeah. I thought he was coming in yeah i can't wait to see him fuck this i don't want to see him yeah well it's just it's like that's 40 minutes 40 minutes away it's too long it's too long we'll have to do a longer we've in this day that we've already you know we're complaining or whatever it is we've done back-to-back normal episodes we've done a talking dumb we've done bonus two bonuses yep so now we're on and now we're doing this yeah I got here

got here just before midday got here nearly four hours ago so yeah we're about to we're about to roll into hour four yeah no

hour five aren't we I don't yeah hour five just before we're about to roll into hour five midday yeah

so you've been here we've already done you've been here for... We've already done... You've been here for three and a half hours. One hour, two hours, three hours. We've nearly finished four hours, so we're about to roll into... You got here at midday, and it's three...

Just before midday. And it's 3.30 now. Just... I got here at quarter to... Yeah. We've nearly completed four hours. We're not about to roll into hour four. That means we're about to roll into hour four that means we're about to roll in to hour five

we're about to start hour five uh that's what that means okay yeah i get you yeah yeah yes you're right in the fourth hour now yes we've nearly finished our fourth hour sean's we're about to roll into hour five sean's wrapped yes no this is i think this is a very valid conversation this is what you yeah this is what you are paying for yeah you are hoping for something like this yeah you're looking for time admin if you're wanting to pay and you're not saying please don't read me out yeah you're saying that because you're like i just don't want to bore any listeners with the car i want to i want talking to them to come to an end so i'm going to say please don't read me out so the segment can all right not have to come back anymore right right the people who don't like talking dumb number just just letterboxing people

around the around melbourne around the world going hey if you're into this weird podcast yeah that's cool if you patreon it great but can everyone please request not to be read out because then we can finally end this hell. Yep. But no, plenty of people like it. So fuck those people. Yeah. Including Sean McQuillan because he, well, I was going to say he doesn't have a don't read my name out thing. But then again, when people send that message, I pay absolutely no notice to it. Yeah, because you're filing it away for presumably months down the line.

Yes. Well, I mean, it's all random. Yes, exactly. So you never know. Unfortunately, the UTA does not have a function on it. It has not updated for quite a while. No, still on the old firmware. It does not have a not readout function on it, unfortunately.

So don't bring that with me. Bring that with the software that with the uh the software developers behind the uta uh i have to assume that you uh you had a big old meal on the way here or just before yes i had to wedge one in quickly yeah yeah it was tough wasn't it yeah it was a 10 to 12 meet up that's probably going to go until four ish yeah i know that's high pressure getting something in beforehand i know because i'm on the intermittent fasting meaning i usually ate about one yeah o'clock yeah and so i'm like i don't want to eat at 11 but i have to yep i went and got something from the

local cafe for breakfast not a big breakfast guy but just like this has got to happen now yeah otherwise yeah yeah i'll die yes my uh thanks sean mcquillan this is continuing into the time of sean mcquillan you're inspiring all of this um my you know what i'm going home to after this i'm going to pick up my child from kindergarten yep and then uh i'm going home to an empty house and i'm going to have to answer to my child why their mummy isn't home tonight because their mummy got a present from someone for Christmas

that was like a night in a fancy hotel in the city. Oh, cool. And so she's like, do you mind if I just take it by myself? I'm like, absolutely, go for it. And then she's picked today. So she's just living it up

in some five-star hotel in the city. That's awesome. Loving it. Yeah. And I'm presumably making five pancakes for dinner for my child. Okay. Yeah. You think she'll be pumped with that?

I think she'll be asking a lot of questions, but... Is this the first time without her mum around? No, but you've got to run a fair bit of distracting play. Right. You've got to do something. Like I reckon we'll be out riding the bike in the park. Oh, yeah. We'll be down the shops buying a treat.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll be doing something. Well, like I said, maybe I'll be making pancakes, but like putting ice cream on top of them. There'll be some sort of distraction to stop the – but why isn't mummy home? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what will be happening so do a podcast with her she you know what happened the other day actually let's go into the next name by the way

sean's had plenty all right thanks sean thank you very much to patreon subscriber jack zela okay jack zela z-e-l-e-r z-e-l-e-r zela zela zela yeah cool name jack Zela. Z-E-L-E-R. Z-E-L-E-R. Zella? Zela? Zela. Yeah, cool name. Jack Zela. Jack can get this anecdote.

Yeah. Fucking, I mean, you'd think we'd have more to play with with a surname like Zela, but let's get this anecdote through. As heard about previously on Sean McQuillan, we are recording this on Wednesday, no, Thursday, February 23. Correct. um we are recording this on wednesday no thursday february 23 correct meaning that that was two days after tuesday february the 21st which was of course oh shrove tuesday correct tommy uh now we got we get emails we've talked i've talked about this before with my child's kinder slash daycare where you get

the emails every day where you go um oh here's the picture of all of them playing and stuff and uh it's like oh great and then you know there's days where it's like there is 50 pictures and my kids not in any of them what the fuck is this about yep so then we were getting you then start to get a few emails that are like um oh, we're having Harry Potter Day on Friday. So don't forget to dress your kid up as Harry Potter. But that's also out there to sort of be a bit like, see what we're doing on Friday? Oh, is your kid not in kinder on Friday? Do you do every Tuesday and Thursday?

Well, if you brought your kid in for an extra day your kid gets to be on fucking right harry potter day sure how cool would that be yep so there's a bit of that involved right so i get one of them the other day that's like yes so uh yeah if your kid doesn't come on tuesday tuesday be a pretty good day to come in because it's shrove tuesday which means pancake day for all the kids imagine pancakes they're the best kids love pancakes check out all the pancakes are gonna be here on trove tuesday the pancake day of the year so the kid went in bunker went in on the way home any pancakes today no wow what we put you on pancake day no pancakes i said why wasn't there any pancakes she goes the teachers don't have any frying pans what this i mean you talked about this

recently but the chef uh tending his resignation on like what was it jan second or something yeah yeah yeah so he took all the utensils with him yes fuck okay that's a hell of an oversight that is and also clearly they cook in there then oven. I reckon they're not allowed to use the fucking pots and pans. I reckon what I think is happening is they're getting pre-made meals shipped in. And then these cunts can't fucking turn on a toaster in there, I reckon. Fuck. So, I don't know. Maybe the delivery from Pancake Kitchen.

The Pancake Kitchen truck. Pancake Parlour. Well, it's called Pancake Kitchen in Ballarat. It's the same company. Oh, sure, sure, sure. So that's why that's in my head. But the Pancake Parlour truck didn't turn up that day. Yeah.

So that was it. So they're all like. And did you say anything to the school? I've had the conversation with Don't Say a Name. And she's like, oh, I'm so mad about this. I'm like, well, tell them. I don't know. Tell them. She's like, no,, I'm so mad about this. I'm like, well, tell them. I don't know. Tell them.

She's like, no, I'm not going to tell them. I'm like, well, okay, that just means you're being mad by yourself. Nothing's going to happen unless someone complains. So I've just said to Little Blanket, let's make pancakes another day. But it's funny. She's like, no, no pancakes. So then, like I said, you get pictures every day. Check out all the pictures from everything everyone did today.

All of a sudden, no pictures from Tuesday. Just didn't want to remind anyone. Didn't want to put up the fact that there are no pictures of any pancakes. Let's just skip a day of pictures today. Yeah, remember that? Remember when there were the Black Lives Matter protests and there was that rumor in that one city that like they'd scrambled the phone yeah so like yeah so that no footage could get out of them just like that was killing people in the streets that was it that was it oh the cameras it was like the body armor

on cops oh no so we don't know anything about rodney king yeah i'm sorry who floyd no no no the cameras weren't no no The batteries ran out that day. I would imagine, you'd have to assume there's a lot of feedback coming in from parents. I hope so. About that. I feel guilty. Because that's outright, to send the thing around that's like, kind of, yeah, forcing you into putting in an extra day. Can I still, it's Thursday afternoon, can I email them and say, hey, you didn't give my kids any pancakes two days ago?

Yep. Is it too late to put that complaint in? No. Two days ago, my kid didn't have a pancake. No. And she was supposed to have a pancake. I think they would have gotten a lot of these. Can you give her a pancake?

I've just had my first conversation with my kid since Tuesday. We're not really close. We haven't caught up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're both busy. She's been busy, yeah. We finally sat down for a powwow, and I couldn't believe the first order of business

that she brought to my attention. Yes. My four-year-old said, Two days ago, I didn't eat a pancake, and I was like, What? What? That's pancake day. For real?

Yeah. All right. Well, thanks, Jack Zila. Thanks for bringing that to our attention, Jack Zila. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, the Pancake Man. I hope you... Thanks, Pancake Jack.

Yeah. Jackie, I hope you had a pancake on Trove Tuesday. I hope you're the sort of guy that observes that. I'm sad to say I didn't have a pancake on that day. I wish I had have. I'm the sort of guy that eats fish on good good friday just through tradition i'd completely forgotten about it about what show of tuesday yeah yeah i wouldn't have known about it apart from that yeah apart from my child not getting a pancake and that reminding me it does sort of leave your

life outside of once you finish school there's no well i never had a kid i never had it at school either you know we're we're different ages people teachers didn't give a fuck as much when i went to school yeah yeah yeah you had i remember red nose day being a really big day and that being the only thing right right no one no one gave a fuck about they didn't even celebrate christmas back then we'd just walk in on christ Christmas and they wouldn't mention it. That was it. Well, when you say you'd walk in on Christmas. What? Was it still Christmas? When you say they didn't celebrate Christmas.

Yeah. But how did you know what it was called? Well, there was this guy. You found out later. Yeah, yeah. When we got home, my mum and dad would say, what did you get for Christmas today? Right. And I'd be like, what?

Today? So you were going to school on Christmas Day? Yeah. Right. Yes. Wow, things were different back then. It was different going to school on Christmas Day? Yeah. Right. Yes. Wow, things were different back then. It was different. It was a weird time.

Yep, it was different. No wonder your generation is so angry about this changing. Thanks, Jack. Thanks, Jack. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Ben Murray. Ben Murray. The Murray River. Yes. I haven't been to Echuca in a very long time. Ben Murray Ben Murray The Murray River Yes

I haven't been to a chooker In a very long time We used to go all the time When I was a little kid Just for a drive? Just for no good reason? We'd go stay there for Yeah

A few days My parents loved it I always hated it I don't really know why You know I don't know why I hated it Yeah Long way away

Long drive in the car Yeah that's it Long drive And it would be like In holidays And it's just me And it's like I kind of want to stay in the car yeah that's it long drive and it would be like in holidays and it's just me and it's like i kind of want to stay in the city and see my friends yeah um but the more i think about it now i'm like i think i'd have a good time there now i think i'd really really enjoy it i agree i think you would yeah um my dad grew up there for an x amount of time and uh he and the family came from there yep and i remember

like being a kid he was he loves fucking history and family history and all that sort of shit but he'd be in my ear at a very young age talking about how important all that sort of stuff was and how interesting it was and whatever i distinctly remember him being like you know we would go to a chuka a fair bit to be like oh you know, we would go to Echuca a fair bit to be like, oh, you know. Pay respects. Yeah, and it's like, oh, fucking hell, this sort of sucks.

Again, as a kid. Very boring. And I remember him being like, check this out. This is your, this part of the Murray River, there's a part there that's named after your great-great-grandfather. And it's called Bower's Bend.

And he was the first person to ever pilot or steer a fucking steam... What are they called? Paddleboat. Paddleboat. Ever to drive a paddleboat down the river. Cool. And it's like, oh, okay. And he's really made a big deal of it.

Like the first... And it's named after you. I just remember going, oh, wow, this is like a big part of history and like telling people at school and they'd be like, who gives a fuck? Who fucking cares about that? Yeah, it's kind of, it's like, I don't know. I get it. But it's so misguided.

Like your parents trying to, it's like parents taking you to Sovereign Hill. Oh, cool. Yeah. Oh, this isn't this fascinating. And you're like, I'm six. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I will one day. Yeah six. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I will one day.

Yeah. But I don't care. And even now, like now me, now at this age, I'm now the age that my, I'm older than when my dad told me all this stuff. Yeah. And I don't give a fuck now. Yeah. But this will be you with comedy, with blanket.

Yeah, maybe. She's like, I don't care. Maybe. I don't care that Hughsy dropped in. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. No, you're right. Because you know what? Yeah, maybe. She's like, I don't care. I don't care that Hughsey dropped in. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. No, you're right, because you know what? Yeah, it's all about context.

I once did a gig in Ballarat and I was driving and I drove to another comic there and on the way home, because I used to live in Ballarat, on the way home at 11 o'clock at night, we just did a mini lap of Ballarat and I just went and looked at all the places I used to live in or work at or whatever. And did they find that interesting? Well, that's it. I got to the end of it and went, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Can I get home?

Yeah. It's not a short drive. Yes. Yes. I'm doing this at 11 o'clock at night. Yeah. And he's just sitting there going, this sucks. Yeah.

This is the fucking worst. But not being too polite to say it. Those country gigs where you drive up and back in a night god you feel absolutely wide by the time you get home yeah yeah it's a good it's just being on the road all night to then just be in this venue for like an hour and a half yeah and then come home it is a good it's a good excuse to get you know drive through food though because it feels like you're allowed to do that. It's fun all the way up. You're on the way.

You know, you get in the sunset if it's a nice enough night. Like, it gets pretty nice out there. But then it's just like driving back and it's like 11.30, pitch black, and you're like, I want to get into bed. Yeah. I feel fucked. Yeah. It is.

It's fun the first third of the way. Oh, for sure. When you start just going, oh, fuck, fuck, I just need to get home. Yeah. But just a road trip in general, it's not too late. It's pretty fun. I'm always like, I'm often the driver in those situations. And it's like, I feel like people are always kind of happy to meet you wherever, heading out there.

But then by the time you get back, it's so late. There's like a bit of an unspoken expectation of like, you will be dropping me home. Yes. And that kills you. Yes. Just being like, getting back into the city and then being like, well, now this is like another hour and a half for me of just looping around the suburbs, dropping all these cunts off.

Because what's the other answer? It's like, oh, you're just going to drop me at a train station at midnight, are you? Yeah. Oh, that's cool, I guess. Or what, I just come to your house and then get a fucking Uber from there? Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. I've and then get a fucking Uber from there? Yeah. Fuck you. Yeah.

I've got one of them coming up very soon, actually, for people. For people that live out there, there are listeners that do live out in Mornington Peninsula. I'm running a monthly gig out there. And yeah, I've become that guy. Every month I'm driving out, driving people out, and then getting home and going, so just drop your... Drop your... Oh, your house.

Okay, cool. Yeah, and from Mornington to back to this side where most people live, you're backtracking a lot. Yeah. Brutal. Yeah. Well, thanks... Who was this?

It's Ben Murray. The Murray River. Ben Murray, that's right. The guy to... His ancestor invented the Murray River, which my ancestor then put a paddle boat on for the first time. And then my ancestor put his dick in the exhaust of the paddle steamer. In the exhaust pipe of the paddle steamer.

Wow, I didn't even know I had one. The big one that's at the top. The smoke stack on top. Yeah, the smoke stack. Wow. He mounted that. That's the weirdest way you can fucking exhaust pipe. It is pretty out there, isn't it? Yeah. It's the weirdest way you can fucking exhaust pipe.

It is pretty out there, isn't it? Yeah. It's not normal, that's for sure. For fucking an exhaust pipe, it's pretty out there. Yeah. How's your mate going? Is he on his way? He's all right. Yeah, we've got like 20 minutes.

23 minutes. 23 minutes. 23 minutes till 4.03. I might hop in the shower at 4 o'clock. I've got ages. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber wow this is interesting uh thank you to james shingles okay yeah what are the shingles aren't they chicken pop yeah okay they're an extreme version of, I believe, aren't they? There was a nits outbreak at my girlfriend's sister's house.

So her kid had nits. Then she got the nits. My girlfriend had been hanging out with her around this time. Because it can take like a week to find out that you've flaked the eggs to hatch. God, it's disgusting. So she was just on high alert the whole week and like buying all the special shampoo

like fucking tea tree shit in her hair and I like it's the only time I've ever been happy to be bald sitting there just

being like no no stress is for me catching this yeah just beat my big old thatch of pubes exactly

that's all I've got to worry about I'm itchy down there yeah but then that's always the case. Yeah. Shingles is a reactivation of the chickenpox virus in the body causing a painful rash.

Anyone who's had chickenpox, that's me, may develop shingles. It is a known what reactivates the virus. Shingles causes a painful rash that may appear as a stripe of blisters on the torso. Pain can persist even after the rash is gone. Wow. Yeah. Ever had the pox? I have, but when I had cancer,

like the bone marrow and all that sort of shit, it wiped my immune system clean. Oh. So I believe I could be prone to have it again. Really? It was my understanding, yeah. Wow. That's how it got described to me.

Wow, you got a hard reboot. Yeah. Yep. Jeez. The entire immune system reset itself. Gee, that's not what I thought was a thing that... I know. ...the bone marrow would...

And I would, just after I got better, I would get, like, sick a lot really easily because I had the immune system of a little baby. Oh, wow. That's weird. Yeah. Strange stuff. Changed blood type.

Really? Yep. From? From? Weirdly, coincidentally, I actually don't know what blood type I am, but I do know that I changed from being the same as my mum to being the same as my dad. Oh.

Yeah. That's bizarre. Yeah. Wow. That's something to look out for if you um get cancer yeah you'll have to get chicken pox again that's annoying yeah the worst thing about getting cancer is the doctor's office just crying no i'm gonna have to have chicken pox so itchy if i survive i'm gonna get chicken pox again in like four years. No.

Sorry to hear that, man. Yeah. It's all right. Oh, good. I'm glad you're over it. Yeah. I've made my peace with it. Yeah.

But yeah, the knit outbreak. The knit outbreak in the kid at daycare, I guess, brought it home. Yeah. I wonder if I'm going to cop that. I don't think I've ever had it. Yeah. I remember getting it at school i mean i do remember it i do remember there'd be like the talk of like a kid having it and then you'd get home and your parents would give you that disgusting shampoo to be like preventative about it yeah but i made the mistake of saying to my girlfriend like i don't really know like too much about it and she's like well

there's these eggs and then they're just like you know i was like what you know what what happens if you just left it like what happens and her just talking me through it i was like that's some of the most disgusting shit i've ever heard in my life yeah seeing that she's like yeah we're this girl at school who had it real bad and you could just see them just fucking crawling around in there you can see the eggs rolling around it's like yuck great that's fucked that's so fucked that's yummy yeah you think it's yummy yes i actually think it's really bad i just like the idea of eggs oh sure yeah yeah yeah yeah you can still i mean yeah the idea of something coming out of a chicken's cloaca that's not like that... Right. I can see why people would think that's disgusting, just like you're saying.

Well, I'm vegan. But then when you scramble them or fry them, they're yummy. Poach them. Yeah. Bit of hollandaise. So what's the difference, really? Well, I'm vegan, so that's why I find it disgusting. Oh, are you?

To eat lice eggs. Are you really? Yeah. Okay. Yes, and? I didn't know that about you. Yes, and? Okay.

Okay, that's cool, and? Ah, fuck that. I'm going to have pizza tonight, I reckon. Oh, and? I didn't know that about you. Yes, and? Okay. Okay, that's cool, and? Ah, fuck that. I'm going to have pizza tonight, I reckon. Oh, wow. Walk down the hill and have a pizza. What are you going to put on your pizza? Don't know. I had a pizza yesterday for lunch, which I know you think is a bit much.

And I made the call. I thought, you know what? This is a little bit of a pricey lunch. It's a big lunch. But you know what? I feel the call. I thought, you know what? This is a little bit of a pricey lunch. It's a big lunch, but you know what? I feel like it. I haven't had a pizza for a long time. I'm going to get it, and it's going to be this awesome pizza, and it's going to be worth it, and guess what?

It wasn't. Oh, it wasn't? No, I was really disappointed because I really stuck. I set up until there's nothing quite like going, I just feel like doing this, so I'm going to do it. Yeah, I stuck my neck out for pizza. I thought, it's going to be, it's a lot to eat, and I probably shouldn't eat it for lunch, but it's time.

And then I got it and went, I regret this immediately. Because it was a bad pizza? It wasn't a great pizza. Okay. Was it from somewhere you've had a pizza from before? Yes. Okay. And I think it- Off day for them.

Yeah. Yeah. It was an off day. Ah, that's a shame. Well, I also probably won't go back, I reckon. What kind of pizza? Fuck, what was it again? What was on it? I'm so overwhelmed by the quality of the pizza.

This was yesterday. Yeah, I know. What was on it? It was just like a meaty one, I think okay meat lovers no i don't think so i just i didn't yeah why can't i remember this what was on the fucking pizza i ate yesterday i got my friend sent me the menu for the place we're going tonight um because you know i like generally i love i know it was yeah meatball okay okay yeah I love doing a bit of like look at a menu before you go into a place. Absolutely.

Up to 24, 48 hours beforehand. Absolutely. But for some reason with pizza, it really depends on what kind of mood I'm in when I walk into that shop. So there's kind of no point for me. There's no point doing it with pizza. Okay. All right. Because it's like, well, you know, yeah, the meat lovers looks good, you know.

But, you know, you just can be in a mood where you're like, I'm going to try this weird pesto one they've got. Right. That sounds pretty good to me. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know. I still, I couldn't tell you. Couldn't tell you what kind of pizza I feel like right now.

What about, no, you can tell me what you feel like right now. You don't know what you're going to feel like then. Well, I feel like in a bit, yeah. What do you feel like right now? To be honest, not pizza. Bit hot for it tonight That sort of pizza Not pizza

The best kind Yeah Well thanks Thanks James Shingles Thanks Shingles I hope Just like the Shingles You'll be back

Later But with even more money Well this guy subscribed Under the name James Chicken Pox A little while ago Oh that's what's happened Now more money This is the second time he's been read out he's got a different name yep okay that makes more sense yep uh thanks jimmy hour five we're officially in it thank you

uh all right let's just do one more that that means we have to we have to end especially let's give you a good exactly 15 minutes to prepare yep for a man to walk in and take a child's bike out of your backyard. Yep. I think we owe you that. I do have to do a quick sweep and be like, from what he'll be able to see, does everything look okay? Oh, yeah. There's that big dildo-shaped bong out in the middle of your backyard. Well, that's what he's coming to get.

Oh. Yeah. Okay. I said I'd lend it to him. His kid could ride that. Yeah. Right. Okay.

He's got wheels on it. All right. Let's just do one more Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber Oh Okay Right Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber Captain Comedy

That's my great great great great Grandfather That was the first person to pilot a riverboat Down the Murray River Oh Captain Comedy Yeah that's Cool That was his name

And you weren't interested in this growing up? No, I was. But you had a relative called Comedy. I was, but then I told all the kids at school and they said boring. Oh, sure. Now that you say it out loud. Still, that sounds crazy to me.

That is interesting. That is interesting, actually, now that I come to think about it. All right, everyone. I'm related to the comedies. Yeah. I didn't realise. Well, I didn't realise either.

All right. Thanks, everyone who subscribes. LittleDumbDumbClub. I didn't realize either. All right. Thanks, everyone who subscribes. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get on there. Get your tickets to our live shows that we have coming up. Get some merch while you're there. Buy our stand-up albums. Do it all.

And thanks for listening, and we will see you next time. See you next.