The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 649 - Live! Lawrence Mooney, Dave O'Neil & Brett Blake

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

We're back in Adelaide, LIVE, with LAWRENCE MOONEY, DAVE O'NEIL and BRETT BLAKE in front of a red-hot crowd! Tommy's been living in Adelaide for two weeks, Karl's been trolling a hamburger Facebook page, Dave's performing in a tent, Brett's been abusing motorists and Mooney's seen Peter Garret in a restaurant. Plus there's anal sex, Fringe show reviews, Karl's tight jeans and heaps, HEAPS more! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Adelaide with guests Dave O'Neill, Lawrence Mooney and Brett Blake. Wow Tommy, that's who's bringing to you this episode. The sponsor for this episode is Brett Blake. That's right, he's doing comedy all around the joint. He's currently still in Adelaide. You can catch him for the last couple of days right now if you're listening to this hot off the press. He's doing his solo show Dog Act. He's also doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival from March 30 to April 23, Sydney Comedy Festival from May 11 to May 14, and the Brisbane Comedy Festival from May 16 to May 21,

one of the hottest acts in the country at the moment. Tommy, wouldn't you agree? Yeah, he's on fire. I hear this new show is great. He was pretty stressed about it, but he strikes me as someone who holds himself to such a high standard that, yeah, his version of not being prepared is probably most people's finished show.

I don't think he's not prepared. I think he just wanted it all kill or no filler. So if you want to go to brettblake.com.au or Google whatever the fuck you want, really, to be honest, you'll find the tickets somehow. Get along and see a rock-solid hour of stand-up comedy. You absolutely, he's one of those people that you can guarantee it's going to be very, very solid. So go and do that.

Otherwise, and top of, we've got our own live podcast, Tommy, don't we? Yeah, speaking of live comedy, you can come see us during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Saturdays in April at Morris House. We've got April the 1st, April the 8th, April the 15th and April the 22nd

for 30pm upstairs. You know the deal. Been doing this for many, many years now. Great guests locked in. God damn, we're going to have a lot of fun.

And then on top of that, just announced Brisbane. We're heading up there. We're doing a live podcast. It's a double episode. It's a little bit more expensive than normal because you're getting two episodes out of it. You've got some absolute

roll-goal guests happening. It's going to be an absolute ripper time. We're in a venue we haven't been to called The Outpost. We're on there at May 20 at 3 p.m. Go to littledumbdumbclub.com to get tickets to any and all of that stuff. Yeah, we'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then, enjoy this banger new one recorded live in Adelaide.

Dave O'Neill, Lawrence Mooney and Brett Blake. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club live from Adelaide. My name is Tommy Daslow and with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler! Go Dig Heads! Fuck yeah! Back in Adelaide, some empty seats up the front, that's always what you want to see. Off to a sterling start. Before we get too far, can I just ask, what is the Adelaide attitude towards buying Valium?

Because this really may affect the after party. You'll get the Valium, but after you've already gone to sleep. They'll leave it till the very last minute. Or is Adelaide just Valium? No, no, we've gone too early. Pandering with local and getting nothing for it. Is there anything more depressing in comedy? That's not pandering.

That's insulting you fucking idiot. Oh, yeah, you're right. You guys are cunts. All right. There we go. That's actually me pandering to you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we did get there in the end once again. Weeks and weeks of complaining. You did it. We got there. Thank you, Adelaide. Thank you. Nice and... A guy came in while we were mid-soundcheck and said,

is this where I buy a ticket? It's like, wow. That is. That's a new last ticket, isn't it? That takes the cake. There's a band called Camp Cope that some of you might know. They played here a week ago, lauded internationally, a huge Australian band.

Their last ever show is they're doing at the moment, their last ever show in Adelaide, and they couldn't even sell it out. What more do you fucking people want? That seems like more one for you, but anyway. So I've been here for like two weeks now. I've been staying...

Yeah, your Adelaide's crazy. Like, I've been here for two hours. I'm down near Light Square. I'm in the strip club district with my girlfriend. Oh, what an accident. How did this happen, honey? Bit strange? Oh, you want to go to bed early?

That's fine. I might just stay up and watch TV. I might go and get my pie floated. I might go suck off a sausage roll. Anyway, there's a guy, there's like a homeless guy who's like near the apartment that I see every day and he's sleeping in a little stairwell and he's got one of those things that they have kind of out the front of cafes, like the big long sort of A-framey bollard thing that he's used to make a little compound that he's behind. So he's got like a little fence

onto the street. So he's kind of doing a bit of Wilson home improvement gear as people walk past. The day I got here, he's just everyone that walks past, he's got something for him. He's just doing a little roast of like every single person that happens to walk past his little compound. And so I'm getting close and I'm like, oh, this is exciting.

What am I going to get from this? From the great man. And then I get close. I get into, oh, this is exciting. What am I going to get from this, from the great man? And then I get close, I get into his field of vision and he sees me and he goes, fuck me. Is that a boy or a girl? It's like, but... Yeah, a lot of radiation in the water here. What kind of girl is this?

Has he just walked out from watching a Sinead O'Connor music video? Yeah, that might have been the last thing he saw on TV before he hit the streets. Yeah. That's funny, now you say that. I walked through, there's a food court just over there, whatever that food court is, and I thought it must have been new

because there's a spruiker for the food court. I don't know if that's a normal thing over here or not. But I went through the food court and there's like fuck all in there. So the guy had it up, like had a hard job. And so when I walked past him he's just like literally out the front with a handheld mic spruiking a food court and you could tell he'd done it all day because he was just fucking cooked and just defeated he literally just there was like

a an 80 year old walking past and he just goes hey mate we got it all in here subway they've got sandwiches they've they've got it all. Who is that getting off the street honestly? Sandwiches, I'm listening. Alright. I was just thinking I could go some bread. The old bloke goes oh, lunchtime is it? And he goes yeah, brother.

Amazing stuff. So I did my solo show here last week. It was a lot of fun. I was in an illustrious 20 seat venue downstairs. It was thrilling to be here performing in one of the famous barrels where they found the bodies. That was exciting for me. And

first night, guy in the front row eating KFC. Just hoeing into an entire KFC meal for the duration of the show. And then the Saturday night, sold out in advance sold out a few nights in advance and I'd put that on Instagram and this guy

I'm standing on stage as people come in, this guy comes in the room and he looks around and notices how many chairs there are and he goes fuck me, are you really bragging about having sold this out? And I was like, you know what?

I'd sold one ticket right before the show. I bet it was fucking this cunt, you know? Yeah, I am bragging. It is an achievement to get 20 people in Adelaide to commit to something four days out. That felt like a big achievement. Yeah, yeah. That's on my way here.

I can't remember if I did this last time, but if I talked about this last time, but what I love about Adelaide is their passion for burgers. Now, there's a Facebook group just for burger lovers in Adelaide, and I'm in it to, like, find out where to go and whatever. And a couple of years ago, and I got really into it because everyone's so passionate about it. I joined the Melbourne one.

It's fuck all in it. There's, like, every three weeks there'll be somebody go, I went to the fish and chip shop and got a burger. It was okay. That's it. But there's proper gangland wars in this fucking burger Facebook group in Adelaide. It sounds like the Facebook groups died because they're all just listening to the spruikers out the front of Subway. That's where the market's gone to.

They've got it all. I like to get in there before I come. I don't think I talked about it last time, but I come in and I just throw some stones to see what happens. So I did this this morning and got a lot of response. I just wrote, Hi guys, I'm in the CBD.

What's the best burger joint in here? If it helps, I'm from Melbourne. And so have a slightly different set of expectations and palate. Okay. Also, also I co-host a pretty important podcast. And will preference any outlet with a big city media discount.

So I said, thanks. And it fucking just popped off. Really kicked off. Ross Jones said, doubt you're going to get a discount because city media here in Adelaide laugh out loud. Here's a couple of places. And I said to Ross Jones, thanks, Russ. Just to conclude, would you be able to check in with the venues about that discount, please?

He said, I reckon you're capable to check in with them yourself, mate. And I said, well, I was expecting a capable to check in with them yourself, mate. And I said, wow, I was expecting a little bit more small town hospitality. I love this. An hour before the show and you're just sitting there going, fuck you, man, mc-cunt. No, this is me on the Adelaide Skybus. This is coming from the airport to here.

The ultimate troll on the bus as well. That's really good. Couldn't have been a bigger loser. Are you on the phone or are you lappy out on the lap, on the seat on the bus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not only that, doing that and walked on the bus and went, I don't know, how do the buses work? How do I pay for this?

And the bus driver goes, don't worry about it, mate. No, that's the big city media discount that you get on the Skype app. That's a big city transport discount. So I didn't realise, I always forget the old history of like, we hang shit on Adelaide, but I forget how much sometimes Adelaide can fucking hate us. So I just got a lot of this. Brad says, what does a Victorian pellet need exactly?

More wanker or something? Oh, yeah, got us. exactly more wanker or something. Oh, yeah, got us. We eat wanker. Yeah, that's nice work, because David just went, go back to Victoria, so... I'm gonna, I can't wait. Josh said, I'd suggest going to McDonald's, dash, dash, dash, but they already have a clown there.

Fucking... He has... That got 50 likes. They already have a clown there. Fucking... He... He has... That got 50 likes. He has absolutely pulled your pants down and fucked you in the ass there. That is really good. Some really good stuff, Paul.

They do a good burger at the airport. How about you go back? I'd suggest I'm a massive wanker burger but it looks like you already ate there. I'm a massive wanker burger. John goes

ask for the hook turn burger I think you'd like it. Not as good. Not very good. Well alright I'll close on this one so Jack I'll finish on this.

Jack just screenshots the Hungry Jacks down the road and just sends that to me, just a picture of the Hungry Jacks on Google Maps. And I go, oh, is this serious? Is this a good one? Do you guys have the Whopper over here? And Timmy says, yes, in my pants. And I say...

And I say, not after the kids' menu, thanks. And... And then he goes, my God, you must be retarded. Oh, you guys have that word here now? That's cool. Good for you. So anyway, hop in the Adelaide Burger Forum. It's good fun. You won't get as much of a rise out of the Melbourne Burger Forum.

Yeah, yeah. Guys, let's all get in there. Let's good fun. You won't get as much of a rise out of the Melbourne burger forum. Yeah, yeah. Guys, let's all get in there. Let's take it over. Let's see if we can just gradually turn it into a little Dum Dum Club fan page because our logo

is a burger. Oh, yeah. We should be admins of this fucking page. Yes. Let's start a hostile takeover of Adelaide fuckhead burger

place anonymous. It's funny because I've done this three times and the only person that recognised the admin just said, oh, no, not you again. He's fast asleep.

Phone rings. Sir, it's an emergency. He's back. We thought he was dead. George Bush style. He was in like a primary school. Sir, a second small penis has just hit the stage A second troll of the burger group has happened

What do you think? Should we get our guests out here? Let's get them all out at once We're going to get all our guests out here at once Yeah, I know, we're mixing it up in 2023 Great line-up today Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club Brett Blake, Dave O'Neill and Lawrence Mooney.

Yeah! Thank you very much. That's lovely. Right as you walked out, someone's literally texted me, is John Hastings a guest on the pod today? No. It's these guys. No, it's us.

One, two, one. Go again, Dave. That wasn't clear. Hey, Adelaide Poofs. Oh, he's doing local. That's you. Just saw the Beaumont children in the green room. It was incredible.

They've grown up a bit. Wow. I was interested. I'm going to meet the family later on. Don't worry about that. Yep. Yeah, they come to gigs still. They're talking about her kids again.

Oh, no. I was in Hey Jupiter this morning, and Peter Garrett was in there. No. Yeah, Peter Garrett was in there with his wife, and then he came out. I don't know whether you've been into Hey Jupiter, but the guy that runs it is Christophe. And what is it, a cafe? It's a cafe, yeah. It's a French brasserie.

What do they have on the menu? They do hamburgers. Yeah. French and fruit. Royale with cheese. They have a croque. They have hamburgers, I think. Croque Monsieur. Yeah. French and French. Royale with cheese. French and better hamburgers I think.

Croque Monsieur, they have a minute steak, they have why don't you mind your own fucking business. The Big Mac.

They have white flags for Nazis. All the French dishes you know. Anyway, Peter Garrett

comes over and he goes that was amazing, that was amazing. You know, that was wonderful. Thank you very much. And he walks out and I'm watching him and Christophe goes, who's that?

Yes. I said, just some bald dickhead. Don't worry about it. It's Angry Anderson, mate. I don't know. Oh, yeah, yeah. The French love him. Yeah, that's right.

Jerry Lewis. It's Telly Savalas. Two people know who that is. I'm Kojak. Kojak. Kojak? Kojak. Kojak.

Anyway, yeah, go on. Yul Brynner. Yul Brynner. No one. Okay. Anyway, anyway, welcome to Adelaide. Welcome to Adelaide. That's great.

Thank you very much, Carl. I love Adelaide. I've been here for two hours, but welcome to Adelaide. Dave, you just flew what you just got here an hour ago. I just got here, yeah. We've got you... So you're performing at Womadelaide? Yes, that's what the taxi guy said to me.

Good luck in Womadelaide. I'm like, I'm fucking supporting Anya, am I? We're going to sing a bit of... Good luck. Sail away, sail away. Anya. Come on. Anya's the Aussie. Anya. Come on. On ya is the Aussie.

On ya. On ya. The Aussie area experience. Sail away, sail away, sail away. Sail away, you cunts. This is our hit, Orinoco Flow. No, I'm doing an outdoor stage, though. You are 5pm in a tent in gluttony.

Man, I love it because you said to me, and this says something about you and something about comedy promoters in general, you go, oh, yeah, I've sold out. I'm like, cunt, you're outside. Yeah. How do you sell out outside? No, I've never walked out my front door

and someone's been standing there going, sorry, mate, we're full. Yeah. You go to the park with your going, sorry, mate, we're full. You go to the park with your kids, sold out today, boys, sorry. Just put some more chairs on the grass. Who's paying to see your show anyway? Because you can just stand behind the fence that's not soundproof. Just look through the gap, you know?

Literally, people who are on the highway can see Dave O'Neill for free. Yeah, you can get on the Ferris wheel and hear a third of your show. Awesome. You can heckle him asNeill for free. Yeah, you can get on the Ferris wheel and hear a third of your show. Awesome. You can heckle him as well. Seriously, Dave. I was actually... Are there going to be homeless people yelling at me? Because that's happened before outside. Oh, yeah.

Just tell Nick to have a fuck off. Actually, I'm surprised... Are you going to be funny tonight? I'm surprised that you arrived today. Because I thought I'd seen you a couple of times during the week. There's so many lesbians here wearing Hawaiian shirts. I do look like a lesbian

let's be honest. That's why the guy thought I was here for a woman Adelaide. Woman. Woman Adelaide. Is that woman or Adelaide?

It's a searing indictment of us that on this episode this is as close as it's getting to diversity. It's diversity to diversity. It's diversity right here. A bloke who looks like Katie Lang. We've checked a box there. We don't have a lesbian, we have a man

that looks like one. I don't think Katie Lang would be happy with that comparison. I do not look like Dove O'Neill. I've also had Renee Lawrence from the Barley Five. I look like her. That's not a boy band, Tommy. I've also had Renee Lawrence from the Barley Five. I look like her. Sorry.

That's not a boy band, Tommy. Sorry, KG Lane. Instead of swallowing drugs, you were swallowing donuts. Fuck yeah. No shelving them. Shelving them. Sail away, sail away. Sail away.

Wish I knew some more Anya songs. I don't even know who Anya is, so please don't. She was in Clannad, I believe. She was what? One of the founding members of Clannad. And then she went out on her own. I love your explanation of that. Oh, you haven't heard of this thing?

Here's a more obscure reference. She's from Ireland. You'd know Ireland. I know. I've heard of Ireland. Yeah. God, Three guests out At the same time It is paying dividends

So far Yeah I feel like this is a hot rod Where it goes really quick For five seconds And it's like Oh no We're in a tree now

No You guys were killing it You were like You were like the Clipsil You know what I mean Where they have the Clipsil The V8 thing here Yep

And now it's gone more Womadelaide with us I believe More Womadelaide vibe Do they still do Clipsil here? No They thing here? Yep, yep. And now it's gone more Womadelaide with us, I believe. It's more of a Womadelaide vibe. Do they still do Clipsil here? No, they've moved it. Oh, have they? Yeah, and it's not Clipsil.

Funny you'd know. Yeah, well, that's the only reason I used to come to your dog shit city so I could fucking watch the supercars and then, I guess,

do the arts at night. Where are they moving to? They've just moved them. So it's still, it's back in Adelaide, but it's not this month. So you will be seeing me again. I've never seen bigger bogans during Clipsaw.

Oh, mate, that's the only time I would come is because I'd get good ticket sales. It's like Ford shirt, Holden shirt. Yeah, I'll see you at the show, cunt. I was talking to some acrobat one year at Cl on because i love motorsport so

i'd go to a couple of the days at clips and then do the show at night and she's like you know heavily pierced and tattoos like there's bogans everywhere in this garden i said it's interesting you say that because there's not a lot of acrobats over at clips also who's got the fucking small mind? Blakey, didn't you see Mooney this week? Oh, yeah. I yelled at you out of a car window, but then I was driving past and I was like, fuck you, Mooney!

But then I realised I had magnets on the side of my car and then when you turned around, I was like, Lawrence, hello! Because your decal says your name on the side of your car. But also, he had to stop in traffic. I said, get over here, how are you? He goes, yeah, good. I was like, I was not expecting this interaction and the red light was there.

I was like, oh, fuck. Also, he was behind Mick from the Rhino and Mick and Rach had already said g'day and then he pulls over and goes Bernie you fucking maggot

and I was like fuck me it's a parade you've been doing this all week you were telling me you drove here from Melbourne you did this stupid thing

where you put a decal of your name on your car and then you're just like cutting people off in traffic on the way here honking them flat out. It's like you're running a spray painting business.

I know. I forgot. I talked to you on the phone this week, and you screamed at two different people in the one conversation. I forgot. No, I sent you a voice message, but I forgot it was recording, and then just halfway through it, I was like, I'll skin your head, cunt! And then I was like,

sorry, Carl, don't put that on the pod, but here it is. I drove all the way here, but I forgot the thing was on there, and I cut off some people. I may have thrown a coffee cup out the window. Who knows? What sort of car is it? It's a Ford Focus, a real man's car.

Ford Focus? I raced before the V8 supercars. If you don't use start, cunt, you've got a Jeep. Anyway. Hey, hang on. Old BMW, a Kia, and... Hold on. Thank you. I'm a Ford Ranger guy now.

Oh, are you? Hey, hang on. Brett, your mum's calling. She wants her car back. Hey, look. I can't argue. It is 1.8 litres of chaos. But I switched

because I cut a few people off and I was like well maybe they'll come to the show and bash me a sale's a sale but then I rode the mountain bike in I must just like Adelaide last time I was here I got in an argument on one of those electric scooters with a taxi driver remember that guy I don't know someone caught a photo

of me just going fuck you to a cab driver then a cop on a cab driver. Then a cop on a Clydesdale had a crack and I told him to fuck off because it takes about five minutes for a Clydesdale to turn around. It's got a worse turning circle than a Holden Rodeo. I was like, yeah, good luck, fuckhead.

The QE2 of animals. Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, I'll ride the mountain bike in because I want to have a few cans and then I was like, I'll ride the mountain bike in because I want to have a few cans. Good plan. Somehow in a mountain bike managed to cut someone off and annoy him but I could see him coming up and I was like, I already had like five seconds to think about it. He had a little Subaru and he had a Pikachu

hanging off his rear view mirror and I could see him winding his window down. I was like, brother, you've picked the wrong person. And he come up and I said, what do you want? You're bald headed Pikachu loving cunts. And then he goes, you're being inconsiderate. I think I made him cry. And then he drove off and I've, I rang my girlfriend. I've never been happier. I was like, babe,

I just had a best day. She's like, who did you abuse? I said, yeah, no, no, I'm having a good one.

I've got a great one for when you're being abused. I walked my dog off lead and it ran across the road and the woman had to stop and she comes up beside me, puts the window down and she goes,

I suppose it would have been my responsibility if I ran over your dog. I said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, what did you say? And she goes, I suppose it would have been my responsibility if I ran over your dog. And I said, I'm sorry, I can't hear a word you're saying.

And she goes, fuck you! I'm adding that to the Brett Blake one. Sorry, what was that, sweetheart? Sorry, toots, what did you say? No, no, you only said it's sweetheart to men. They hate that. Sorry, what was that, sweetheart? Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's a fight. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. This German woman near our railway station leaves witch's hats out the front of her house because she doesn't want people parking here to pick up their kids. Yeah, I love that. So I pick up my son, who's like a teenager,

went, fuck this, I just drove over there, right? And I could see her, like, out the window, I don't know, in German. Das ist nein gut! Nein, das gut! Das ist nein gut, Katie Lang! Well, this is what happens. So my son...

My son pulls a witch's hat out from under the car and presents it to her. And she's like yelling at him. He gets in the car and goes, Two things, Dad. Number one, you ruined the German woman's witch's hat. And number two, she thinks you're a woman. What did she say?

She said, Your mother, she cannot drive. Your mother's a crazy slut. Speaking of witch hats, on the way home, there's construction going on at night, and I may have had a few cans on the mountain bike, and I thought it would be funny. I thought in my head it would be funny as I'm riding past just to kick over a couple.

And then the next night I was sober and I got off the bike and they had to cross me across the road because there was a construction going. He goes, oh, you wouldn't have been that guy who was kicking over cones last night. And I said, oh, no, it wouldn't have been me. He goes, oh, yeah, I guess it was some other load breed with a mullet then. Must have been. You might be the only comedian in the country That could start an anecdote with

Speaking of witch's hats I've got about ten top of mind I have a very niche audience I'm also a witch's hat thief We used to steal them when we were younger though Oh it's so funny closing off a road I move signs all the time I'm pissed

I just close and divert and they just go around in a fucking circle you're like look at this

dickhead having a can on your balcony this is sick oh mate you come home in a shared house there'll be

witch's hats and signs in the lounge and that flashing workman's light just the orange light you get up in the middle

of the night and there it is good times Tommy good times times have changed now with all this PC bullshit Workman's light. Yes. Just the orange light. You get up in the middle of the night and there it is. Good times, Tommy. Good times. Times have changed now with all this PC bullshit. Carl, I feel like the show has gotten away from us. They're not called witches. They changed the bolts on the stop signs and street signs now.

So you have to have a very specialised spanner. Which you do. Which I have. Which you are. Also, another fun fact, if you see construction on the side of the road, they leave their vehicles there. All cat manufacturing vehicles only have 12 keys, and

I've got four of them, so. I've taken a steamroller for a roll before. Collecting them. I'm sorry, can we get that Pikachu guy you abused up here for a bit of balance, just for 15 minutes? Nah, he's still out in the front crying. But I tell you what, if you steal a steamroller, you'll be in big trouble from the Clydesdale cop.

He could catch you on that. He would get me on that. What a chase. Did I tell you guys this thing? No, last week I accidentally went to a really bad open Mikey. Splain. You run them. You run them.

Basement comedy. Mortyen. You run it. You run it. Basement Comedy. Yeah. The gig that he runs. Yeah, which one? Your solo show. Yeah. What was his name? Yeah.

How'd you go? He got bumped. He got it. Did he laugh? This is good. Someone sets it up and then you all have your go. It's like, have you been paying attention if any of you cunts could get on it? Yeah. Yeah. Get any laughs? This is good. Someone sets it up and then you all have your go. It's like, have you been paying attention if any of you cunts could get on it?

But yeah. Wait, you haven't been on there either, you fucker. I'm the host. I've been on it once. You've been on it. I was a regular until I upset them and did a show at Channel 7. 2016 was the last time I was on it. Yeah, I went on it once.

And then I regret going through Tom G's wallet in the dressing room. But anyway... They sent me an email saying, sorry, mate, you're too funny. Fair enough, boys. Well, I've never been on it, and I don't have a funny reason why not, so now I'm crying.

Thanks, Carl. You got me bad. Carl, at the open mic. Sorry about that. What do you mean you've never been on it? You've never been on any telly show. Oh, yes. I'll fucking turn on me now well they're

they're just not laughing because they're like fact yeah he hasn't correct ding you're on the weekly

you're on the weekly no so I was at this bad open mic I just went there for a beer with a mate and we're like oh fuck this gig's on and then we watched it unfold and it was like...

There was literally no one in there and we saw the comics go, we don't get paid unless there's at least one audience member in. And so they went round this pub and went, we will give you free beer if you just sit still in front of us for, like, 10, 15 minutes. And, like, six of them went, fuck, OK, free beer and free comedy, easy.

And they sat down for four minutes and then one of them got up and went, fuck this, we're going. And walked all of them. And there was one comic and he'd literally gone for two minutes. And as they're walking, he just turns to the other comics and goes, well, wasn't that bad, was I? And then he turned back to the audience, to the six people walking out and said to their backs, I've got 100,000 followers on TikTok. That's pretty good. Actually, that's my dream, free beer and watching an open mic a bomb. I'll be in front row, like, go on.

Tell me how it was your dad. And it was my dad, Yeah, I knew it. Come to the park at 5pm, mate. I'll be on site. Nah, nah, I'll be at the fence. I'll get in for free.

That'd be great. Everyone get a ticket to Dave's show and then just turn up and ask for fairy floss from him from the start. What are you opening with? I'd better keep this quick

because I left my kids on the Ferris wheel. Yeah, baby! My kids are parked in the dodging car outside. Very good. It's good gear. I don't think I know what I'm getting into. I've never been to the...

I could do your show for you. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. You're going to piss. If you didn't shave for a few days, you could go as the bearded lady. Oh, yeah, that's right. Just give you a chainsaw, like a real freak show, you know?

Can't wait. Now, I've been to Adelaide to do the Fringe since the 90s. I came here with Hughesy. And it was in that time, mobile phones had just come in. It was that long ago. But we still had answering machines at home. You'd remember answering machines because you're 48.

46. Doesn't matter. It's all the same. You probably don't remember answering machines, but you get excited when you come home, there's a little red light flashing, you got a message. But anyway, me and Hugh's had gone in this cab, and the taxi driver's like, where are you boys from?

I'm like... He's doing the voice. Hell yeah. And for the listeners at home, and the eyes. Wow. Wow. Where are you boys from? I'm like, fuck, where are you from?

Like... Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Dave. It gets better. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, Dave. It gets better. Oh, Dave. Oh, Nan's had a few too many sharings. Mate.

Oh, no. Don't tell us about... Now, someone cut me off in traffic, and I won't say where they're from, but I think we all know. Hey, mate, this might kill at WOMAD but not here,

mate. Well, sounds like this bloke might be at WOMAD. Yes, yes. So anyway, he's like,

he's like, he's like, we're from Melbourne, we're from Melbourne. The guy's like, a lot of pretty women, I'll drop the accent, a lot of pretty women.

Mate, double down. Keep going, keep going, stay in the moment. Do a different pretty women. The Hughie voice is fine. Keep going. Keep going. Stay in the moment. Do a different accent instead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do him as Hughie. Do everyone in the story as Hughie. A lot of pretty women in Adelaide, aren't there? And Hughie's like, yeah, there's heaps of pretty women. And he goes, the text writer goes, that one there, that one there. He goes, you want me to grab her for you? And Hughie's like, grab her, grab her. Jesus Christ. My phone had rung home and left the whole thing on the answering machine.

And so my wife rings me up. We're still in the cab. She goes, what are you fuckheads doing? You sound like a couple of serial killers driving around Adelaide. Hey, we're in Rome. Yeah, we're just driving around. I said, we're just trying to fit in. Webhead!

I thought racism was going to be the worst part of that story. But it turns into a rape story. Dave's really throwing me under the bus here. That's 90s humour. That's very 90s, that humour. We don't know who said what because everyone talked like Husey in that story. Husey said all the bad things. I could describe once as a 90s comic

I was at a music festival in between I can't remember who it was an electronic band and a folk singer and this guy was reading

and you're the gap you're the bridge you're the bridge between that I'm in between and I could hear the roadie going to the stage manager

yeah we've got so and so and then we've got Dave O'Neill what's Dave O'Neill? The guy, is he a folk singer? And the guy goes,

nah, he's one of those 90s comics. Yeah, I know. Like, I'm fucking like in Pearl Jam. Yeah, you're the spider bait of comedy. I like it.

Back when comedy was comedy, right, Dave? You talk about kidnapping women. Do your taxi driver accent. Yeah, yeah. Where you from, Lawrence? I go see on you tonight.

Very good. And do you know what? It's such a broad... Accent. Accent. I don't know where you're insulting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I do.

Whether it's African or Indian. It's not African, no. It's just a foreign accent. All of Europe are offended, just in general. He's moved several places in his lifetime. Right, right, right. Well, we're in Adelaide. That's a very special place for one person up here,

a very special place for Tommy Daslow. Why is that? Because he told me this week, he was talking to me. People might have heard it on the Patreon episode that came out. As he was walking, he was like, oh, I just walked past the first ever place I had anal sex. Yeah. And what was his name?

Did it hurt? I'll ask the same question I asked you about cancer. Did it hurt? Now, hold on. The Dodgem car operator was very gentle. I should say that. Anal's a broad church. So were you getting pegged in the gardens or... Pegged right up the gardens.

Do I even need to be here for this? Honestly, no. Were you pitching or catching? Yeah. Pitching. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah.

Good. What do you mean? Was it a hotel? What was it? Yeah, where? Was it a prostitute? Was it a hotel? What was it? Yeah, where? Was it a prostitute? Is there a plaque? Where was she from?

Was it a bloke? Where was he from? My first thought straight away goes to where did you get lube? You know what I mean? When you think of Adelaide, you think they don't have KY? Yeah, but I think it is past a random building

or like a street alley or something. I don't know. Where is it? They sell it in Hague's Chocolate. It's part of that. It's near the Frogs. No, but like, is it a building? Hey, mate, you don't know. Tommy's arse might be self-sourcing. Guys, I just remembered, I've got to go set up my show Brew Dudes downstairs, so I'm going to have to... Do you know what the word pie floater means?

It's code. I don't think it means anal. That's not what they told me at the shop. Where was it? Where was it? On his cock. And was it by accident? Oh, wrong one.

Oh. You can't have anal by accident? Wrong one. You can't have anal by accident. You need to be properly fucking ready to go. Yeah, I think you can. Okay, you're talking prison anal. Scouts. Is that what it was? Scouts! I was a scout for a long time.

Anyway, keep going. Is that what it was, Tommy? Just being in Adelaide is like being in prison? Was it prison anal? Is that what it was? Look, I was here. It was after a show. I met someone. Had a nice time. Wow. Went back to the... I love how you're saying this beautiful romantic story, but we all

know the end game's anal. So now tell us what was really going on. You can't dress that up. I had a wonderful romantic time. I spat in my mouth. We walked by the Torrens.

God, it was so beautiful. Anal! Yeah, yeah. Here's the story. Kids, it was love at first sight and then I fucked your mum up the arse.

And it's really surprising. I have no idea how that ended up with you, to be honest. ass. And it's no idea how that ended up with you, to be honest. Anyway, tell us this beautiful story. We had a beautiful evening and then

we were just kind of lying there and then her phone rang and she answered it and she was like, oh yeah, I gotta go. Anal hotline. She's like, yeah, I gotta go go That was the babysitter My kid's kicking off So I gotta get out of here What?

It was news to me And then you fucked her up the ass? What? Hang on No and then she left And I never saw her again But hang on You had anal sex before that

Yeah Oh you just papered over that That's Hang on You've never seen her since? No Well we've got a surprise for you Hey

The single mother She actually gave me a surprise for you. The single mother queen of anal. You're on This Is Your Life and it's like literally just a person you've had sex with once. You're like, haven't I achieved anything? Do you recognise this voice? Where you're from?

Where do you recognise this voice from? Is it in yet? Yeah Oh, that's flashing me back That's taking me back to her She had a babysitter and she also couldn't sit well That one, he wrote that down before as well And it bombed

Open mic Let me ask you this, Tommy Please You'll do this with a deaf touch, I'm sure She said to you did you really just try and dress up that's what she said a shit in a nice box

is still just a shit yeah okay and you found that out so did it live up to expectations yeah of shit. Okay. And you found that out. So did it live up to expectations? Yeah. And who initiated it?

Her. Okay. What was the... Yeah, you don't look like an anal initiation guy. You just don't. You're too pleasant to go, I'm going to fuck you up the arse. Yeah, you don't or you look like you're one of those guys that only does it. You know what I mean? It's a spectrum and you're on both ends.

Whoa, whoa, what's all this two-hole shit I'm hearing? What? It was great this morning when my girlfriend was like, would you like me to come to the show today? I'm like, oh. No, no. Don't stress it, if you're this... I mean, the markets are really nice.

You can check them out. And it's not as if you miss. I mean, the markets are really nice. You can check them out. And it's not as if you're recording it and it can be heard for eternity. This is my legacy. If I walked out of this venue and got hit by a bus and died, would you feel any kind of like, maybe I shouldn't put this out as the last ever?

Absolutely not. And if I was the sub-editor at the advertiser, it'd be Tommy Daslow, the king of anal. But mowed down. Yeah, it'd be definitely be your second reference. I like that you've been doing this. That was like 10, 12 years ago or something like that. Which means

every time you come back, you're reminded of it. Which means a lot of people like Paris, the city of love. And when you come to Adelaide, you're like anal town. Do you go to Brisbane? It's you're like anal town. Yeah. Do you go to Brisbane? It's like, oh, handjob Brisbane. Sucked off through a fence in Darwin.

Got fingered in Perth. I was. You were not. Is this true? Through a cyclone fence. Hang on, hang on. It's not fucking true. That's the way you lie.

That's the best way you can lie, is tell someone something they want to believe. And that's what I desperately want to believe. Went with a hoe in Hobart. There we go, there we go. Is that all of them? Here comes the great Nick Carr. He's got a show downstairs.

Go and see him. Do you want to? Go on, sir. Yeah. Yes, Carr-y. What is it that? Yeah. Yes, Kari. What is it called? It's called The Secret Hand or something? The Invisible Hand.

Is it a show about you wanking or something? What is it? I honestly don't get it. I do like his poster. His show is called The Invisible Hand, and on the poster there is a picture of a hand. Give me one of those guys. I can't drink too much.

I've got to perform in the park for kiddies. Also, you've got to do your comedy festival show. Yeah. Nice. He's back. He's back.

Excuse me. The open mic keeps me on. An old lesbian just showed me her cock in the park. Well, actually, speaking of parks... Then he did a foreign voice. Last night...

Excuse me. Where are you from? Excuse me, sir. Katie Lang ate all the Frankfurters. Constant craving. I know the venue's called Gluttony, but Jesus Christ. That's not bad. I'm going to use that.

That's good. You'll like this. I was walking past a park last night, and I may have had a kebab and a beer, and there was two people wrestling, and I thought they were doing BJJ, like Brazilian jiu-jitsu. So I just started watching, and I was like, man, that guy's about to get you in a fucking leg lock. And then I realised it was just a dude going down on a chick in a park.

And I was like, I am so sorry. Armbar, armbar. And then I was like, man, Adelaide really does have it all. How gay is that? You won't watch a dude eat his bird out, but you want to watch fucking jujitsu.

It was their special moment. I didn't want to ruin it. She looked like she was close to finishing. It's your town. Actually, you went and saw... Speaking of The Fringe, you went and saw a show this week, didn't you, Tommy? Dude, I went and saw a show called The Stripsons.

You guys heard about this? Oh, my God. What do they strip? The Simpsons strip show. I'm worried about it because it's like all the characters are underage. I was like, oh, I can't wait to see Maggie naked. What the fuck?

You see Bart's little yellow dick? Do you? Yeah, it's a lady and she's got a little prosthetic yellow cock. Really? She takes her pants off. Alright, I'm in. Hang on, hang on. You had me at yellow dick too.

Ned Flanders? Where are you from? You had me at small boy. Marge Flanders? I was going to say. Where are you from? Yeah, where are you from? You had me at Small Boy. Marge? Is Marge with the blue hair? Marge is in it. Yeah, Marge is the one with the blue hair.

Hair, very good day. Yeah. Was it blue hair downstairs as well? Oh, yeah. No, there's none of that. There's, it's, man, I fucking loved it. I was going to say, like, the Simpsons stripping off. I was going to say, who the fuck is this for?

But then I remembered your bedroom, which is all comic books, video games and toys. I'm like, it's for you. Guy in front of me filming nearly the entire show on his phone. And he'd do it for a bit and then sort of think the best of it and then turn it off and then come back a second later and keep filming it. But the great thing was, like, every time he's opening the camera again, just seeing his wallpaper, a photo of his three kids. And he's just

there alone. Bart, Maggie and... The guy filming probably legitimately looked like the comic book shop guy. Aren't you meant to be in the show? I don't believe you've got the money to pay for that. Well, this honestly, because the advertiser isn't covering the festival this year, right?

There's very little media coverage of this festival. Fuck the advertiser. Really missing... I'm missing my one-star reviews. I mean, that's the thing. Who am I going to start a Twitter spat with with no reviewers coming along? Everyone else in the world.

Because there's no other..., other, you know, there's, like, very little, people are just, like, you know, putting, like, blogs and stuff on their posts without the big paper advertising it. So I'm saying this, the Stripsons from the Little Dumb Dumb Club gets five stars. Oh, wow. I'm going to message them and say,

a major Victorian media outlet has reviewed you. You can put this on your press. Everyone, you've got to go see it. There's a bit where like... So what actually happens in the show? The show is like, they've done it well.

They'll have like a little clip from the show. They'll have like a bit of audio that they're miming to and then they'll go into a routine. So they have the bit where...

Do you reckon they've got permission of Matt Groening? Absolutely not. Other side note, were you high? No. Okay. Does the monorail get its dick out?

The monorail doesn't get a look in. There's Flanders in his sexy ski suit. There's like Smithers doing licorice whip. There's like... Release the hounds and he releases his cock. This is all good stuff. You could be in the sequel, Dave.

I could be in the sequel. Is Santa's little helper in there?, that's not bad. I mean, this is all good stuff. You could be in the sequel, Dave. I could be in the sequel. Is Santa's little helper in there? No Santa's little helper. Was there any nerds in the audience, like, just with their flaccid dick in their hand going, oh, the new episodes of this strip show are not as good as the old episodes? Yes. I prefer Family Guy's strip show.

That'd be pretty good. Holy crap, Lois just reminds me of the time I got my cock out And then Going on a whole thing of that So there's a whole It's a whole story It's a whole thing

It's not really It's all pretty interconnected But the bit I loved was Yeah they do the little clip Of when Lisa and Nelson Muntz Have their first kiss Right And then they both

Take their clothes off And then Yeah and then it goes Into Baker Street And Lisa starts sucking off Nelson on the stage. It's like, no way! This is bad news for me and Carl

because we've been working on the Snake Tailor strip show. Was it sold out? No, we went on the first night and there weren't a lot of people there. So you guys have got to get around this show. Genuinely, I fucking love it. That is great to hear. During Perth Fr Fest, or sorry,

Perth Fringe, they accidentally sent everyone everyone's ticket sales, so we all knew what was going on. But the highest grossing show was Harry Potter, improvised Harry Potter. It had like 48 grand. It outsold Hannah Gatsby, right? And Husey on this report. And then the

next year, the guy who's been on the show before, Kyle Legacy, this idiot, possibly the who's been on the show before, Kyle Legacy, this idiot, possibly the dumbest man I've ever met, and I hang out with Nick Capper. And he goes, man, it's selling like hotcakes. It's selling like hotcakes, yo.

So he did a show next year called Harry Potter versus, what's that fucking one with Mordor or some shit? Lord of the Rings. Yeah, Harry Potter versus what's that fucking one with Mordor or some shit? Lord of the Rings. Yeah, Harry Potter versus Lord of the Rings. And then it sold out but he hadn't seen

any of the movies. So he just came in and was like, yo, Expelliarmus, yo. Wow. That would be awful though

for him. Man, it sold though. Seven shows later it got real bad reviews. Well, I think, I mean, yeah, genuinely everyone should go and try and see The Stripsons in Adelaide in the next week before it closes. Although I will say I think it broke my brain because the next day I was just sitting around the Airbnb

and I was like having a beer at the end of the day. I was like, you know what, I'm going to chuck on some Simmies. And I put on an episode and I chubbed up. Yeah. Genuinely, just remembering the show, I think it broke my brain a little bit. Just screaming at home, I don't think you just chubbed up,

I think you had a terrifying wank. And that's why, like one of those ones where you scare yourself and you think, fuck me dead. That was so hardcore. Since going, me and my girlfriend have been doing a bit of role play. She's Ralph Wiggum.

I'm Jub Jub. Okay, five stars. Dumb Dumb Pop. Great. Five stars. I'm going to hit these people up and I'm going to try and get them to start putting it into their marketing collateral. Because this is a media institution.

Mate, I'm reviewing burgers. You're reviewing fucking cartoon characters taking their clothes off. Big yellow tits. Have you guys monetised this shit show at all? Or what's the story? These cunts didn't pay nothing. Right, okay. So these rock up, laugh and fuck off.

Yeah, that's... You've been to comedy shows before, haven't you? Yeah. I've got books for sale afterwards, so I'll see how it's off. Oh. I've got books for sale afterwards. I'll see how it's off. Oh you've got to

go. He's got to go. Thank you very much guys. Have a great night. Thank you. See you Brady.

He's doing a show downstairs. Damn it. We had something for Blakey as well. I feel like the fucking what's his name Dr. Claw from

Inspector Gadget. Yeah we'll get you next time. Something about Brett we've been meaning to bring up for Blakey as well. I feel like the fucking, what's his name, Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget. Yeah, we'll get you next time. Something about Brett we've been meaning to bring up for like four years, honestly. And today really felt like the day. But you had to talk about anal. And the Simpsons. Yeah, we were going to fuck him up the ass.

Should we just tell it once he's down the stairs? Oh, no, we should save it for another show. We should save it for another show. You know what it for another show. Save it for another show. You know what, let's do it again. That would be torture us telling it about him as he's walking

out of the room. There he goes. Not on mic anymore. There he goes. What a story. No, no, no. Brett, Brett growled out

one of the performers from the Shrek burlesque show. Yeah, yeah. It's on the gardens. Yeah. Yeah. I like the hybrid the stripsons

I love the idea it's smart stuff and it's fringe so get along and get behind it we did know that Blakey had to leave a little bit earlier

and I was trying to organise our little parachute guest for the next 15 the last 15 minutes but it didn't pay off because I thought as a little trick we haven't had him forever

but I was going to get Fleety in for the last 15 minutes, but he's literally got to play on at exactly the same time, and I wanted to ask him about Narrow One finally. I was actually speaking to you during the week. We have long chats about comedy. All positive.

All positive. Very supportive chats about all the people who are succeeding in comedy. How much we're happy for them. It is great to get a phone call from Carl. Oh, you'll love this one. You heard about this? Fuck it. Oh, yeah, well, it's either that or I get a phone call from you and I'm like, all right,

how many hours to go till you go to the Druin RSL for a corporate to Better Electrical? And you're like, yep, you got it. Yes. I did better electrical last week. The conversation went into probably who's the most successful guest you've ever had.

In terms of downloads? We're talking about Ronnie Chang. I'd just seen him do the Montreal Just for Laughs, emceed it, and you said that you'd had a falling out with Ronnie Chang. He's had a falling out with me. Why, Carl? What's wrong? Because you're not really a Chandler?

Hang on. Where you from? Because a Chandler supplies oil and supplies to a ship and you're not a Chandler. And anyway we did a lot of Ronnie Chang work. And you said and I said I'm going to open the Ronnie Chang school of

comedy. Just say something to me. And you said to me, all right, chicken sandwich. I went, sandwich, sandwich. It's sand and witch. What is it? Are you at the beach or having someone put a spell on you? Sand and witch.

I don't understand. That's good. And chicken, chicken, white chicken, chicken, chicken across the road. That's your original comedy. So you've got a comedy joke inside a sandwich what is it beach or

some old bitch putting a spell on you sounds a bit like Arnold Schwarzenegger and that's what he said he goes it sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger

I said fuck you Carl yeah and I wish Ronnie would be back get to the chopper you fucking idiot And I wish Ronnie would be back. Get to the chopper, you fucking idiot. Just glad no one from Australia was driving that chopper. Old people at the ABC. You Australians wouldn't know how to drive a chopper.

No, because you know what? He's always trolling you. No, but this is the thing. He doesn't like me and he doesn't like you. No. Now, the thing is, he never acknowledges me in any way, but he goes after you because he's scared of me and he's not scared of you. Yeah. He always puts comments on my Instagram post in capital letters and my wife's like,

Ronnie Chang seems to be having a go at you. I said, oh no, he's being supportive. He literally, it's like, you'll be like, oh, I'm on Specs again tonight, everyone. Check it out at 9.30 on the ABC. Yeah, and in, like, all caps, COOLMAN! Yeah, amazing! Yeah, and so you're the Mornington RSL, and he's like, so amazing, old white people, congratulations.

Well, he did a post the other day, he's in a Mel Brooks movie, and I just put a comment underneath in capital letters, OLD PEOPLE. Like, he. He's in a Mel Brooks movie. And I just put a comment underneath in capital letters. Old people. Like, he's 96 years old, Mel Brooks. No, but you know why... He can't get any older than Mel Brooks. He's not an ABC or a Singaporean character. I mean, the only reason he's having a go at me...

No, I know. You know why he doesn't like you. I know why he doesn't like me. Because he keeps putting up all that stuff about old Australian people. Why doesn't he like you? He doesn't like me because he used to... Well, he still complains all about the ABC and I just keep going, didn't they give you

a TV show with your name on it? And so he cracked the shits because I said it like three times. Well, he kept putting photos. Then he kept saying stuff about old white people in Australia making all the decisions. No, he took a photo of the ABC board and put it on Twitter. Someone said, look at all the old people making

the TV shows. He works for the Daily Show. I just looked up the people making that show. Guess what? They're all fucking white guys. I left the one black guy out, but anyway, I'm not stupid. I put up a photo saying, look at your current employers. Old people. And that's when he cracked it.

He cracked it. The image of Dave at Photoshop cropping the one place. Kids coming in, Dave, what are you doing? I'm cropping out of my car. Really important stuff. Very important stuff.

I'm getting in a fight with Andrew Bogart next, so... Which actually happened, so... I've told you I had a fight with Andrew Bogart on. I think it's Andrew Bogart. Yeah, have you ever pronounced anything right? What's going on? Or is it Humphrey Bogart? Yeah. His fans had a crack at me. One said

stay in your lane and by the look of you it's a McDonald's drive-thru. That's great. That's pretty good. That person should get in the look of you, it's a McDonald's drive-thru. That's great. That's pretty good. That person should get in the burger Facebook group. That's good gear. That's really solid gear. Fuck him.

No, he threw a ball through a hoop. Whatever. Yeah. He loves to, you know, have a bit of a crack, Andrew. He does. You know, any tall fuckhead can play basketball. Exactly. Seriously. That's what I said. It's genetic any tall fuckhead can play basketball. Exactly. Seriously.

That's what I said. It's genetic, you fuckstig. Try to go down the gardens to fucking Piggy's Hill and make a bunch of icies laugh. Try that, you big, tall fuckstig. Try working outdoors at 5pm. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So you've only got an hour and a half until you've got to go down to your little... Piglet. Outdoor of Stedford. Yeah. You could moonlight in the Stripsons. You could do a good, like, Barney. Yeah, yeah, I could. Chief Wigan.

Yeah. I love Barney. I love Barney before... Hey, poops! I hate to be out of touch, are they still making the Simpsons? They are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what season are we up to?

35, I think. They're not as good as the old ones that everyone says. Is that true, Tim? I don't know. Do you watch it? Why are they still making it? It's like an industry, I think.

Yeah, but that's like watching your stand-up special from 10 years ago and go, why are you still going? You know, like, it's still good. People love it. That was good and this is good. All right, that was hurtful. No.

You're being inconsiderate. That's great. Mooney's next festival show, Lawrence Mooney in season 35 of The Simpsons. No, that's good. Season 35 of Lawrence Mooney. season 35 of The Simpsons. No, that's good. Season 35 of Lawrence Mooney. That's good. If every comedy festival show is a box set of your comedy for the year, that's fucking good.

How many years have you been doing comedy? I have been doing comedy 29 years. There you go, season 29. Season 29. Yeah. You made me just want to chew on a shoddy. Yeah. I know.

Ronnie Chang's like season 10 and he won't have a fucking bar at this show. But you're... Mooney shut his head off. Ronnie Chang comedy. Just repeat it 14 times and then go, I don't understand. Why did Lawrence Mooney blow his brains out? I don't get it. I don't understand. Why did Lawrence Mooney blow his brains out? I don't get it.

I don't get it. He blew his brains out. Yeah. Old person. Out. Old person. Brains out. Brains should be in,

not out. Brains in. Brains in, not out. Out. Bad. You could be. I don't understand.

You know what you could be? Where you from? This is your show. I don't understand. I don't get it. That's your catchphrase. I don't understand. This is your show next year.

Season 30 of the Lawrence Mooney Comedy Festival show is The Ronnie Chang Dining Experience. Yes. You're Ronnie Chang asieng As a waiter Scalapini Sounds like a Sounds like a Scallop's penis

I don't understand Entree I don't understand It all comes out on a tray So stop Entree Not off tray It should be entree

Entree Dessert Dessert sounds like desert That means a sandwich Should be a desert That should be a dessert Yeah Entree. Dessert. Entree. Dessert sounds like desert. That means a sandwich should be a desert. That should be a dessert. Yeah, because it's sand and a witch. What is this, a fucking cactus?

No, it's ice cream. It's fucking stupid. I don't understand. I don't understand. You should do the takeaway dining experience, Dave. Yeah. The nugget. The nugget. The nugget. No, no, the takeaway dining experience with nuggets on the menu. Oh, Dave. The nugget. No, the takeaway dining experience with nuggets on the menu.

Oh, yeah. All the Australian TV movie comedies. Or just get a culinary equivalent of every movie and show you've been in. Oh, yeah. So there's nugget, takeaway. Spicks and specks. Well, speck is a food. Oh, yeah. You and your stupid mate. Well, Speck is a food.

Oh, yeah. You and your stupid mate, what are you doing for that one? Fuck. Forgetting it? You and your stupid pathway. Sucking a blowjob through a fence in Darwin. Yes. Okay, cut that out. It didn't work as well as it should.

I don't know why I got nothing. It's my favourite thing that's been said all day. Thanks. Thanks. Wow. That's the way to fill a guy's bucket. All right? Thank you, Tommy. Nice lamin-x.

Or is it a backgammon board? My nana had that in the kitchen. Hold on, it's a Harlequin shirt, is it? Harlequin, yeah. See, Carl's gone all black, so you can't hang shit on him. No, no, well, you can, because look, this is what's happening. Are you a roadie for me in the park later on? No.

Or a fairy floss down the front, Carl. I've talked about this on the show before, so whenever I go shopping for jeans, I never know the size of my jeans. And people go, how the fuck do you not know it? And I don't know why. I fucking just don't know it. So people have said you should get your pants size tattooed on your leg. And I'm like, that would be fucking great.

And so I went pants shopping the other day. And just as a joke, I put it on socials. I'm like, ah, I'm going shopping again. And then I tried on some jeans. I went, they fit. And then I said a joke I put it on socials I'm like ah I'm going shopping again and then I tried on some jeans I went they fit and then I said remember someone remind me

size 32 and I'll get the tattoo that'll be good and anyway so I would have said a 32 inch waist and a massive cock thank you

that's how you fill my bucket yeah yeah and so I did that and I got the pants great and I've like I know that I put that out on the show, and I'm a fucking idiot, so I got it right this time.

Like, great. Went home, tried on the pants for my wife, and said, what do you think? And she goes, are you fucking serious? I'm like, what do you mean? She goes, they are not your size. Too tight. And so I took them back, and I kept trying them on until I got the right size.

I bought two pairs of size 32. I came home with size 28. 28? I was off by four sizes. What? I will say, I saw a photo of you in these pants. No, you're off by two sizes. They look like jeggings. They're so tight.

You look like fucking Kim Kardashian. Now that's the next part. That's the next part of the story. I have now got them too tight. Look, he doesn't have a massive cock. See, the thing with... And I'm sure you'll agree with this, Dave. I've been 36 for a while, but you just changed shops.

Yes. So I'm no longer 36 at Just Gene. Country Road. So you go to Blazer and then you go to Country Road. Country Road. And then you go to fucking... The big guy shop. Gas Man.

Gas Man. You go to Gas Man. Oh, you'd be a 36. Thank you very much. Well, I did this. I got into Raise 10 City. It's a 36. Thanks.

I think you're a 36. Don't worry. I got into Raise Ten City. It's 36, thanks. I think you're 36. Don't worry. I got to 28. Hi, buddy. I got to 28 and I went to a gig. And then I was standing there and I was standing around going, fuck these feel tight. And I said to someone, another comedian, I said,

hey, are these too tight? And they go, it depends. Are they jeans? No, you mean you were like, are these too tight? No, and then they go, it depends. Are they jeans? No, you mean you were like, are these too tight? No, and then they go, I genuinely thought, I was going to ask, why did you come to comedy in tights? Yeah. I saw a photo.

Lloyd Langford put a photo of you from a distance in these jeans. I got fucking turned on. I was like, what the fuck is this? I thought it was, hey, come down for Shakespeare in the Park. I might start walking against the wind. No, so then, on the same night, so I'm wearing there,

and I'm going... So do you want to be rooted by other comedians? No, so I'm there, and then, as happens... What's your arsehole doing later? So someone, a listener of this show came in

that I'd never met, someone who was from overseas, and they'd just landed in the country, and they came along to a gig, and they came up to me like half-time at the gig and went, oh, hey, I'm a big listener. Don't do the accent. Where were they from?

Where are you from? A big listener. This is really cool. A little bit Star Trek or whatever, because it's like, oh, I get to meet you, but it's also the thorough Carl Chandler experience. And I'm like, what do you mean? And he goes, because you've got a Liverpool shirt on

and then you've got pants on that very fucking clearly don't fit you. Yeah. I can see, like, every detail of your... I can see, like, your ankles through the jeans. I can see your circumcise. And that looked like a two-man job, too. That bucket filler again? Yeah.

Anyway, I've got the one. I feel like mushrooms for tea. There's some more button ones. Well, there's no big mushrooms, fuckhead. There are so big mushrooms. You don't need them, though. are so big mushrooms. There are big mushrooms. They're big.

You don't have to spring to your own defence. There are big mushrooms. Look. I'm not offended on behalf of

mushrooms. Love a mushroom. Is that going to do us? Let's do another rep. Give a big round of applause. Anyway. Love a mushroom. Is that going to do us? Let's do another rep. Give a big round of applause. Brett Blake. Dave O'Neill. Lawrence Mooney.

Thank you. Thanks everyone for listening at home and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. They have done it again. Bernie. Good on you Bernie

You've gone back Half an hour Yep And you've done it again It shouldn't fuck you so much But it really does It is I was going to talk about that

But it is the most bizarre Time zone In the world maybe I had to do a few Recordings over Zoom While I was there And just coordinating. Wait, so hang on.

Okay, that's 11 for you guys, 10.30 for me. Like, it shouldn't be so hard. It's dumb. It's worse than an hour or two. It's so dumb. Yeah, it's so dumb. There's literally no need for it. What difference does it make?

There's no need for it. Why is it there? Adelaide, man, thanks so much for coming out. You guys were absolutely red hot we weren't too shabby ourselves that was that could have been the best adelaide pod we've ever done what do you think uh yeah i think it's up there for sure yeah it felt pretty good um so thank you very much you guys did it in the end we we packed out that room um thanks so much so uh go and see those people.

Like we said at the top, this episode is brought to you by Brett Blake. There's a little bit of Adelaide left for him. There's a month's worth of Melbourne. There's a few shows in Sydney in May and Brisbane in May. So go to brettblake.com.au to go and check out all those shows. But go and see Mooney's doing a show. O'Neill's doing a show. Go and see them. They are, look, three. O'Neill's doing a show. Yep. Go and see them.

They are, look, three of the best stand-ups in the biz. Yeah. Also, get a copy of Mooney's book. Oh, yeah. What's it called? Embracing Your Limitations. Embracing Your Limitations. Yeah.

Yeah. He gave me a book after the gig and signed it. And I read it. I read about 40, 50 pages on the plane on the way home. And it might be the first time I've laughed out loud at the written word. Okay, interesting. Yeah. So I legitimately fucking lost it on the plane.

I became finally one of those guys that we hear about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm laughing on the train. Everyone thought I was insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm laughing on the train. Oh, everyone thought I was insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I finally get it. I would argue that that is, that the book, people think, yeah, oh, I had my headphones in and people would have thought

I was just crazy sitting there laughing. I think the truth of the matter in 2023 is that people would see that and go, oh, that person's listening to a funny podcast. But I think that people now, it would be, it looks weirder to have that reaction to a book yes i think people would go like why is this person laughing at a book instead of listening to a podcast if i saw someone laughing in a book like that i think what a cunt yeah what a fucking idiot who laughs at books the only time i can remember busting a gut at a book was uh tony martin's

lolly scramble oh i remember I remember laughing out loud to myself with the little nightlight on when I read that a few years ago. No, I had a proper, there was one bit that just the way he constructed it properly got me and I laughed for probably 30 seconds. Okay.

And then I think, you know, because I was in the weakened state, I think he got me again about two pages later. Okay. Yeah. I've got to get this book. It's good. Okay.

It's, he's got a way with words, that's for sure. He sure does. got me again about two pages later okay all right i gotta get this book it's good okay it's um he's got a way with words that's for sure he sure does he's um it's he's such an enigma in that you read it you read it and go this man is an extremely intelligent man and a fucking idiot as well yeah with uh that's more through his actions in life generally, but his way with words, he's extremely verbose. A very intelligent man who makes very dumb choices. Yes. Yes. But yeah, he was in red hot form in that episode,

as was everyone, honestly. The new format, all three out at once. The Norton style. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We've, what, you suggested it, I think, and then said let's do it for the rest of the festivals. Sure. Let's do it. I think we've done it maybe once or twice before when we recorded like a Patreon one or something. And it's always, yeah, I don't know, always something i've been looking to try out so there you have it the debut of the new format come come and see it live in melbourne and in brisbane and april it's not very far away april one just a reminder it is the one that we include uh we're going to do our pilot of the yarn yep so if you are interested in that and you're interested in

being a contestant in that uh grab a ticket and then we will contact everyone. All ticket holders will contact just before the show and we'll have a little audition process before the show and it could be you. You could be you in the pilot episode of The Arm. God. It'll be something. It'll be be something that's for sure yeah yeah yeah i wonder how many responses we're gonna get we've got some uh got some good guests lined up some

good celebrity judges yes yes you'll be uh yeah you'll be telling your yarn in front of the creme de la creme exactly so don't fuck around yeah okay really start cooking those stories up and uh yeah get something get something ready for us Get something nice and juicy Ready for us Yeah And are we saying that Yes, in order to be a contestant

You have to have a ticket to the show Yeah You have to be coming along You have to be part of the show Yeah And we'll think of some kind of Prize or something There's definitely prizes on offer

Yeah I've already organised some prizes Oh, okay Yeah, yeah, yeah Nice, nice It's a real It's a real grab bag okay it's like um what what would it be what you know like it's like a real showcase like south of the century style

probably more the old wide world of sports in the morning um style where some old cunt comes out with a big basket full of fucking shit and you go okay i guess all of this stuff combined is okay yeah yeah you're not getting a you know brand new nissan pintara but you are getting a bunch of basket full of fucking shit and you go, oh, okay, I guess all of this stuff combined is okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not getting a brand new Nissan Pintara, but you are getting a bunch of fucking Frankfurters and something else. Yep, yep. Well, yeah, that's something to look forward to. Yes.

Get your tickets now. And then, of course, we've got Brisbane coming up. Big double episode. May the 20th. That's it. At the Outpost in Brisbane, as is the case with every time we go to Brisbane, new venue for us. Yes. Collect them all.

This looks all right. And it's three o'clock in the afternoon, so you've still got time to go and do your own bullshit at night, including going to see some solo shows maybe in the festival. So very considerate of us. Well, Slash, I always try and pitch that idea because we can have guests and also i always think oh hey venue how about you don't charge us as much because we're off peak and then they say absolutely not yeah so thank you we're getting charged the same as we would be for a saturday 8 30 show you fucking cunts anyway and we have no leverage

there because if we do that it it'll be harder to get guests. And also, they're already booked out. And hey, yes, speaking of Adelaide, thank you to everyone who came out, the dozens of you that came to my solo show and packed out my little broom cupboard that I talked about here in the episode. And if you want to see the show in Melbourne,

you can do that march the 29th until april the 9th 7 30 p.m at the cooper's inn my show scam artist really got it cooking now feeling good about it get along and get a ticket it's not long to go now tickets selling all right but you know we're getting we're getting into the business end that's it two weeks to go start snapping them up that's it um and look you know i about Basement Comedy Club sometimes on this show. It's been under renovation for fucking, I think, technically forever. So it's coming back for the Comedy Festival. As we've talked about, the European Beer Cafe has changed its name to Morris House.

And we'll be on the sly, open for Comedy Festival. So a bunch of your favorite guests and comedians are doing shows in there. If you want to come and have a look at the renovated venue, it's got the paint job out the front. It's looking all right. Who's there? It's Heggie.

There's... Nighty. Yeah, Ben Night. Hugh's doing a week there. Cody and friends for a week there. I'm doing a late night show, late night basement comedy club if you go and see shows and you want to see something at 10 45 on a friday and saturday go and see the best of the festival dropping in for a beer and a spot um otherwise if you don't know if you're one of

these people that can't decide on a comedian because you are a little bit fucked in the head and you want to see one of those shows where you just see like five comedians, I do a show every night called Best of Melbourne Comedy. If you're the sort of psycho who gets onto Netflix and clicks the surprise me button, this is for you. Yeah, yeah. I'm feeling lucky of comedy.

Yeah, yeah. I'm feeling comedy. Yeah. If you listen to this show, if you listen to this show and still have no strong opinions or feelings about any of the comedians on here, don't really care about anyone that's ever been on this show and still go, I just want a grab bag, thanks.

Well, that's what this is. You just tune in. You're not being like, hey, boys, I'd like an episode with Luke Heggy this week. Yes. You're just getting what you're given. Yes. You tune in each week. I mean, you've seen on the socials who it's going to be and in the episode title but you still it's just

like you don't have a choice who's on this wednesday morning you sit down here comes the app yeah that's who you're getting but look considering i'm i'm running the show i book it there's a pretty good chance you're going to get good people because i'm not putting on people that annoy me and people that I don't like. So there's generally a lot of guests from this show that are on. So that's something. You're probably going to get someone you like on there anyway from this show. So that's not bad odds.

And hey, as we come into festival season, worth reiterating, get out there, see some stuff obviously. If you see something you like, make some noise about it. Get on the socials, give it a bit of a push tell your mates it all really helps you know even if you tell the performer themselves that you enjoyed it um there's nothing more than um self-obsessed cunts in comedy love more than hearing stuff like that so even if you haven't seen them it's a long you have it's a long tough month getting off stage and seeing a little tweet from someone going like loved the show tonight yep it fucking really helps yep sure it really

helps soldier through night after night where you're like what is this all for yeah even if you haven't seen it tell them you have yep and that you loved it even if uh tweet them before the show and say great gig tonight yes itravelled in order to tell you this. Yeah. It went great. Or just tell them, say great gig, and then mention a particular joke, and just make up that joke.

Yeah. And just have them go, what the fuck? I didn't... Hang on, did I say that? Hey, that sounds good. I might chuck that in the show tonight. Can I steal that from myself? Can I steal that from your made-up version of me?

Yeah. Just anyone. Actually, do that for everyone. Anyone you see, tweet them or add them and just say, love that duck sandwich joke you had tonight. Oh, yeah, yeah. Great, great. And then I can search for that and then reply and go,

hang on, are you stealing gear from me? And I'll just accuse everyone in the comedy festival of stealing jokes from me. Oh, nice. I'm not doing a show, so you think my from me? And I'll just accuse everyone in the comedy festival of stealing jokes from me. Oh, nice. I'm not doing a show. So you think my material is just up for grabs. That's pretty funny. That's not bad to hit someone up and you're like, hey, I know you're not doing the run this year.

I've got to be honest. I'm 10 minutes light. Can I just take these two routines? You're not doing anything with them for the month. Yeah. Yeah. Can I hire your jokes 10 minutes of jokes yeah no worries what are these are no not those ones not those ones not those

ones yeah yeah you can keep them that'd be good if i you know you had a tiered jokes nah not that shit this is new though no one's heard it yeah no one's heard it because it's fucking no good yeah maybe next year you can charge a little more for it yeah you've honed it up a bit more yeah yeahed out some of the kinks. Yeah. Or maybe I'll take it, but I'm not paying for it. I'll pay for it when I know it's any good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And then you come back and go, I've actually fixed this joke. So you owe me now. Yeah. You can sell this on to someone good next year. Yeah. Well, anyway. All good ideas.

Great ideas. Terrific ideas. Let's never mention them again. Another terrific idea. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get on there and sign up to our Patreon. You can support the show and get two bonus mini episodes every week. And perhaps more impressively, you go into the draw to get your name read out at the end of an episode of Talking Dumb Dumb in this very segment.

Not at the end. At the midpoint. Well, it might be at the end. Who knows what name is going to be read out at the very end. Are we finishing right now? Well, I'm saying one of these names is going to be read out at the end. Right, right. Okay.

Well, look, I've got a pretty important question to ask you at some point, but I'll drop that in somewhere within this read, Tommy Daslow. All right. We'll open up the old UTA and let's find out what pops out first thank you very much to patreon subscribers all of you but in particular these ones thank you too first cab off the rank rachel napier okay rachel napier yeah uh any thoughts about the name napier no i you must have one thought about it the The street. The street. There's a wine bar called Napier Quarter where the staff are incredibly rude.

Are they? No, actually, no, there's one guy. There's two people there that are all right. Everything else about it, not a fan of. I am. People rave about it and it's like you go in and the food is like anchovies on toast for like $25. It's that kind of stuff. And it's like people ask you to meet there for a coffee and then you're like, I want a little snack. What am I having?

A $15 piece of toast with butter on it. Yeah, yeah. I hate that shit. I take my daughter just then. Is that what we're calling her? Or blanket? Blanket? Or just then? It's your call.

Sure. I take her every Friday. We end up having lunch at a Thai place in Hawthorne near Woolworths. And it's like it's in a shop, like it's a shopping center Thai place. Okay. So it's pretty, well, it makes it pretty Thai style actually. It's like the motherland. It's pretty sort of, no bells and whistles.

Yep. Put it that way. And the service is incredible. Okay. There's a woman in there that seems to really take offense at anyone buying anything off her. She's fucking furious about it. She is legit angry and won't make eye contact and just sort of goes, ugh. Like sighs when you order and stuff.

I love that. It's really, and if you get there, you know, early or even on time, you'll be admonished. It's really up to them. And it's like, it's really, like if you get there and she's got a couple of other customers, it's like, she's like, do you really want this? I'm like, yeah, I'll just, I'm happy to wait and give you more money.

Yeah. There's nothing nice about the service in this place whatsoever. And I go there every week. I've got to say, obviously this is the extreme of it, but I feel like you're seeing that more and more and more out there people hate their lives on mass it just feels like everywhere you go everyone's off

it at all hours of the day the days of like putting on a fucking brave face yeah and soldiering through it for the customers right i just feel like that's just gone right i was in the supermarket the other day like everyone that worked there was just on their phone. And look, I can't knock. I'm like, so you should be. Fuck this. You work at a supermarket. Who cares?

Why give the big Coles Corporation the most of your energy? Just play Snake. I don't care. Yeah. Well, she fucking hates it. And then there's an off-sider that comes in who, over time, has gradually hated it as well. Because she's obviously got the word from the big boss. Don't like your job.

This sucks. Yeah. And so now, and I've got some people around Hawthorne that I know that are like, I say to them, do you go there? And they're like, yeah, we go there. They hate us. Those people hate us. I'm like, no, no, no. They hate everyone.

They hate everyone. Yeah. So I went in there the other day. I hadn't been there for a while. Where'd you say this place was again? It's in the supermarket. It's in the shopping center of the supermarket

of the Woolworths in Hawthorne. Oh, okay. So it's opposite the BWS in there. It's good. It's like cheap, cheap for lunch, cheap deal,

good food. And so we go there every Friday and get a blanket slash Justine loves noodles. Yep. So we go there every friday and get uh blanket slash justin loves noodles yep so we go in there and um and we hadn't been there for a while and we're like oh let's go back to the woman that hates us and uh it's funny because we went in there and she just came up with a bottle of shampoo and just put it on the table i was like like, what the fuck's this? And she's like, you left this here five weeks ago. Wow. And had you?

Yes. Okay. I had this vague memory. So they've got a lost property in this food court. I had this vague memory of going, fuck, didn't I buy shampoo for the kids? Why is my hair so dirty? No, it was for the kids.

I was like, fuck, why didn't I buy it? It was like that expensive kid shampoo for some reason. Yeah for the kids. I was like, fuck, why didn't I buy that expensive kid shampoo for some reason? Yeah, right. So I'm like, fuck, yeah. But it was like a movie. When you get to the end and the grumpy old man shows that tiny little moment of kindness. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It happened.

I was like, oh, maybe this is a new step in our relationship. It's like, absolutely not. So you need to just keep going and leaving more stuff there. Yeah. And then she'll be like, oh, you left this box of chocolates in a heart-shaped box and you're like no no that was for you this is a gift dear grumpy thai woman yeah dear old bitch yeah yeah so yeah look so if you want to be um it's it's life Karen's. Thai Karen's. Yeah. I mean, look, honestly, I do love it.

I really have a lot of respect for anyone in a service job who's just wearing their heart on their sleeve. Yeah. Because it's like the facade of being all cheery. It's like, this is more offensive to me because this isn't real. You don't want to be doing this. I feel guilty that I'm sort of making you do this by virtue of having dined here but it just come in and be rude just just act how you want to act like as long as i get my food i don't mind tyler's the land of smiles it's fucking this restaurant's upside down yeah i love

it i'm working in a fucking food court yeah it fucking hates it. And you think you're doing the right thing, supporting local business, small little joint. Hey, I'm basically giving a charity. Oh, no, apparently it's like the Red Cross are telling me to get fucked every Friday lunchtime. Yeah. All right, no worries.

I don't want to... I hope I'm not telling tales out of school here, but I had dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Kappa in Adelaide. Wow. At a place called soy 38 in thailand in thailand a thai restaurant in adelaide in adelaide yeah soy 38 soy 38 that's the same one because i know oh because i think it was maybe kappa's partners someone from kappa's partners family maybe had given them a voucher for it

thinking that it was the place in Melbourne which like is pretty funny to think that you're so there's a Soy 38 in Melbourne that's in a car park

yes it's people love it always big queues it's like gets written up all the time it's in a dirty

fucking car park that the Hugh's he has a routine about being in that car park and seeing a man jack off. Yep. So it's,

so it's, but it's, that restaurant is beloved. It's really good in its own way. Very popular. It's very popular. It's not fancy in any way. No,

it's very Thailand. So the idea that you're getting someone a voucher that's like, got this presumably like gold, because the place in Adelaide is fancy. Oh. So it's like, the idea that you're got this presumably like gold because the place in adelaide is fancy oh so it's like the idea that you're getting this this like voucher that's like gold embossed and

like you know it comes in increments of like one and two hundred dollars it's like seems a bit weird for a place in a car park but all right he loves this restaurant have they so are they connected or not no not in any way. They just have exactly the same name. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's weird. It's weird that...

It's like Adelaide's got that all going. So they've got Dum Dum Chicken over there. Yep. That's no connection to us. Yep. And they've got two Soy 38s. That's no connection to the car park. Yeah.

Wow. Fuck. Okay. Adelaide's doing a very weird impression of melbourne just getting the the name sort of vaguely right and then everything else very wrong getting things there and then just classing it all up a little bit i mean this would be i mean this is better as a fried chicken restaurant than a podcast oh yeah let's be honest eating chicken is better than this podcast yeah just taking the name and being like, well, we could make this better.

Yeah. Okay. Wow, I can't wait to see what their version of David Jones is like. Oh, yeah. Wow. I'll just be a rocket ship going to Mars. Well, thanks, Rachel. Thanks, Rachel Napier.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Brent Carney. Brent Carney. Yeah. Saw a few of them in the last couple of weeks. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. You were jumping on the, did you go to any rides?

I didn't go to any rides. In the Adelaide Fringe? It is very strange for anyone who doesn't know. There's a massive collection of venues at the Adelaide Fringe called the Garden of Unearthly Delights. of venues at the Adelaide Fringe called the Garden of Unearthly Delights. Massive park that gets fenced off and turned into a collection of tents that have shows in them of all sorts, comedy circus, all that kind of stuff. Lots of bars in there.

Lots of eateries in there. Makes sense. You can go in there. You can see a couple of shows. You can get a drink and some food in between. And then right at the back, there's just a whole bunch of carnival rides. Yeah, yeah. Which is like why

is this here yeah and like you see all these people walking around who are clearly just there to go on the dodgems just disconnected from anything to do with the adelaide fringe or the arts or seeing any shows it's like no i've lined up for an hour to come on the whizzy dizzy yeah yeah it is weird i don't really know why they're there I didn't make it to the gardens this year oh yeah we did because I was only there for 24 hours

I we got in didn't even have time to check into the hotel because we did the show that early did the show loved to just hang around

have a beer at the Rhino afterwards do we ever mention that's where we were the Rhino room in Adelaide I don't even know maybe we didn't but shout out to the Rhino room mention that's where we were the rhino room in adelaide i don't even know maybe we didn't but shout out to the rhino yeah that's where we were the rhino room in adelaide that room um suck around had a had too much to drink had something to eat there and then just

got started getting dark and i was like i've been here all day yeah and then luke he came out of his show and was like oh let's let's go and have a beer like that's all i've been doing we went to a different pub had one beer then came back to the runner room and then that was the and then stayed there for fucking ages that was the end of the night didn't even get to the garden didn't even did nothing yeah and then stayed at my very weird and terrible hotel i went to the garden that night and it's, I just really think it's kind of, you can't do it on the weekends.

It's fucked. It's so busy. And it's so busy with people who are just going in there to drink. Cause it is just a cool outdoor party. Like there's people that are just there like, I don't mind that, but I don't take it to it. No,

no, it's just crowded. It's just, there's just people everywhere. And it's like, it's just crowded. It's just there's just people everywhere and it's like... It's just loud. It's like you can't get a seat anywhere. You're getting bumped like literally every time you stand up to walk anywhere. You're just constantly in a crowd. Big lines for everything.

It's kind of a drag. Right. I was more worried about getting in. Yes. About having to line up. Yes. I didn't want to do that. Yeah, we had passes so we were able to line up. Yes. I didn't want to do that.

Yeah, we had passes, so we were able to get around the line. Yeah, right. But yeah, they've now got this new system where it's like one line for people with tickets and then another line for people who just want to go in there. And the line to just get in there is like around the corner. Right. I don't know why you would bother. If you just wanted to sit outside and drink, sure, it's cool in there, but it's like get there early or just wanted to sit outside and drink Sure it's cool in there but it's like

Get there early or just go to a pub With a balcony Or buy a ticket to something cheap and then don't go to it Which I think happens a lot Yeah So I don't know if we talked about this It was, so we went there on a long weekend And it was extremely

I'm assuming you were in an Airbnb Or something? I was in in Airbnb for the whole time. Yeah. So I didn't get stung by any different fees. Yeah. You were there for two weeks straight. I was paying for, yeah, two weeks worth of this one spot. I just went for one Saturday night in a long weekend.

So everything was 400 bucks. And I was like, sorry, but I refuse to pay $400 to sleep in Adelaide. Fuck that. And so I stayed five kilometers out in a pokies venue. Oh, yeah. Which I didn't get to until about one o'clock at night. So I was like, money well spent. Who gives a fuck?

I don't care about this place. And then I woke up in the morning. I was like, oh, my God. This place is a fucking shit hole. Do you know where you were? What suburb? Yeah. No.

I could look it up. But no. It was like, I walked out. No, I could look it up, but no. It was like, I walked out, it was like fucking The Walking Dead or something outside. Right. It was like, I should feel ashamed for walking out of this. It was like a real walk of shame, just walking from the hotel to the curb. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, you played it well, weren't in there at all.

No, no. Yeah, and I was even thinking, fuck, this would be good because it's like an RSL. You played it well. Weren't in there at all. No. No. Yeah. And I was even thinking, fuck, this would be good because it's like an RSL. Maybe I'll get like a bistro meal or something on the way out or whatever. But walk out, big sign, bistro closed. Sorry, guys. Perfect. That's what you want.

Yeah. Marlston. Marlston. Okay. Whatever that is. I know it. Didn't look like a particularly great part of town. But yeah, it was what I needed, I guess.

Oh, fuck. I'm just looking it on Google Maps. There was a place next door called Cherry Darling's Bakehouse. Why didn't I go there? Yeah, why didn't you go there? Well, because you weren't conscious there for any time, it doesn't seem like. Yes, and I was very close to the Adelaide Bird and Exotic Vet Centre as well. Yeah.

Man, I should have been spending more time in this area. Yeah. It's going off. Yeah. Let me look at this Cherry Darling's Bakehouse. It sounds good. Well, thanks. Who was this?

This was Brent Carney. Thanks. Yeah, of course. Thanks, Brent Carney. Thanks, Brent Carney, for picking up course Thanks Brent Carney Thanks Brent Carney for Picking up all the 20 cent pieces That fell out of people's fucking pockets On the Tilt-A-Whirl

You fucking scabby cunt That clearly happened to me once Oh yeah, this bakery house looks alright I would have gone there, Cherry Darlings Well, next time Yeah, oh yeah, the pies look alright This is the thing You know, we used to be obsessed With talking about the 24 hour bakeries in adelaide but nowadays i just come in for one

day and we're in the city during the fringe and the bakeries aren't anywhere near where we are so i haven't i haven't been to one of these 24-hour bakeries in fucking years yeah it i it just doesn't even occur to me i was there for two weeks and i didn't even think about hitting one up it's definitely like feels like it occupies a very specific time of my life you know what i mean it's like yeah i've had my i had my fill i used to stay like around the corner from one of them and so i would get stuff like every night on the walk-on so it's like yeah i get it i've had my i've had my fill i like my baked goods don't get me wrong, but yeah, I don't need to go out of my way to have a pie. Yeah.

I've had my share of 3am pasties. Yeah. It's okay. I forgot to read one thing. Speaking about food and what we talked about in the normal episode about the burger group, Adelaide Burger Group or whatever the fuck it's called on Facebook. I i i was kicking myself there was one comment that i forgot to read out at the time out of all those comments and one of them was just like podcast by the by

the center i hope it's not a comedy one like that's good that's that is good that's a good that would have gone off in the room. Yeah, sometimes it's not. Yeah. Yeah. Like right now. Yeah. It's quite serious. This is true crime.

Yeah. We're murdering comedy. All right. Thanks, Brent Carney. Thank you very much. Oh, I'll ask you this question after I introduce this person to our Stuart Hall of Fame or whatever the fuck we're up to now. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber

Gary Greer really hoping it was going to be glitter there no it's pretty close no Greer Greer

what an odd last name G-R-E-E-R that sounds like a you know in like I think Garfield always did it pretty well the what's it called again the like spelling out

sound effects? Oh, yeah. Is it onomatopoeia? Is that what it's called? Yeah. Anyway, the Greer sounds like it would be like a car not being able to get into gear. You know, just like a grinding like Greer. Right.

I would have said it sounds like something said by a ventriloquist dummy. Greer. Greer. Greer. Whater. Greer. What's that supposed to mean? Yeah. I get it, your mouth's closed, but you still need to enunciate some words. Like you mean the sort of thing that would be said by David Assman?

Yes. With his puppets, suck wood. Yes. Take me up the Greer. Yeah. Okay, I guess. I mean, his lips aren't moving, so. Yeah, I don't know why he said Greer. Like, you could just say Re lips aren't moving so yeah i don't know why he said grill like you could just say real without the g bit i don't know why he said that i'll give this

a pass i guess you really are suspending a lot of disbelief with the ventriloquist aren't you like i've never seen one where i'm like 100 that person's face is not moving it's always like yeah oh yeah i guess i guess i can kind of squint and pretend that I can't see the lips moving a tiny little bit. So you think that was a hundred years ago? It must have been invented. It's very a hundred years ago, ventriloquism, I think. Right, yeah. Now, back then, it was the CGI of its day.

Okay, sure. Yeah. It was like this little wooden kid's talking. It's come to life. Yeah, sure. This is insane yeah this is a bit of it would have been protests over ventriloquism at some stage i reckon yeah some form of witchcraft is happening yeah but now it's like it's so it's so of its day now

like there would have been controversy there would have been like oh my god now it's for some reason still around even though we don't you know it's it's i really do feel like it's a thing where i wonder if we live to see like a cool ventriloquist because a lot of the stuff that gets done with it it is very old school in how it's presented or it's like you know you have what's his fucking name jeff dunham just kind of like pretty pretty dodgy lowest common denominator stuff it would be cool to see like a like a hip ventriloquist act

where you know it wins over like comedy savvy people and they're like this is actually really cool this is good yeah

yeah that would be good yeah I'm just imagining it now like if I would love to I would love to work on it that would be good. Exactly. If you had the talent for it,

you could actually do something really cool and funny with it. Yeah. If you had good budget to make good quality puppets that looked funny, you could do it well, and you had good jokes, where you weren't just going like, you know, oh, the doll's being all fucking cheeky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. If you actually got the doll to suck you off, that would be pretty good. That would be really good. If the whole setup was, this is just a little guy I fuck, and we're just going to talk. We're quite funny together, but he will probably suck my dick at some point. He'll try and suck me off, yeah. What about, okay, what about this?

The doll just keeps going like, oh, I can't wait to suck you off. And you're like, Rupert. You got me already. You're like, Rupert, come on. Just save that for after the show. You're trying to do your double act. Oh, you've got a horny doll. And the doll just is like,

oh, no, I'm trying to, I can't, I'm just desperate to suck you off. And you're like, Rupert, I told you. I know you're feeling something like, I'm sitting on your lap, there's something happening. I don't know why.

I mean, I know I'm talking about wood, but there's something else soaking my wood right here. I don't know why the name Rupert is so funny to me as a doll that is obsessed with sucking you off. The idea of fucking someone called Rupert is quite funny. Yeah, yeah. But then you relent, right? You just are like, okay, look. If it'll mean that we can get on with the double act, then sure. I guess, guys, I'm sorry if you want to turn around, if this grosses you out.

I'm sorry. We just have to do this so we can get on with the show. And then, so you sit down. You unzip your pants. A big cock comes out of your pants. Oh, we see the cock. We see the cock. Right.

Right. And is it a prop or just your real cock? Don't jump ahead. Sorry. Rupert, you know, Rupert, you know, Rupert sucks you off. Right. Right. Yep.

And I want the listener to know I did just, I did just mime this out for Carl. Yes. I was lost. Didn't want him to have to put it together in his head. Yeah. And so then, um, doll stops and you're like, oh, wow, that felt great. Then.

Is that what you say? Yeah. Then, then, little, little face. Little glimpse into that what you say? Yeah. Then, then little, little face, little glimpse into Tommy Daslow's sex life. Wow. That felt great. Some pillow talk.

Little, um, and then your cock's still out. Little face appears on the cock and it goes, you think it felt great. How do you think I felt? So the whole time, the cock is a second puppet. Right. What do you think of that? I love it. How do you think I felt? So the whole time, the cock is a second puppet.

Right. What do you think of that? I love it. What do you think of that? I love it. So then you're just sitting there. You've got Rupert on your hand, big dick out, and the three of you just having a fucking chin whack.

Great. So say there's an hour show. At what point does this happen in the hour show? Oh, like minute one. Oh, really? Yeah. So you've just sat down. Some people are still getting into their seats and there's a man on stage getting sucked off by a puppet yeah the venue being like what's your late comers policy i mean look anything after

like 45 seconds into the show they're gonna have a pretty tough time of it so yeah i think we are gonna have to make this one of those shows where we lock the doors and right if you couldn't get a park too bad right yeah if you're there's a sign on the on the door saying sorry late comers but there is a man being sucked off by a bit of wood yeah right you wouldn't get it yeah you wouldn't get it if you didn't see the whole setup of the puppet being horny yeah there's no point coming in because you've missed quite an important part of the show yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. No, I don't mind that

because I was going to say, I was hoping you're not closing on that because I would quite like to hear what else the puppet dick has to say. No, I mean, yeah. I think at the latest, like maybe halfway through. I think that's a good point. The cock has to be like...

I like that. It's a trio of you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because I like that there's got to be some tension building up to the man being sucked off by the puppet as well yeah and i'd like to think the puppet and the cock are like they're a bit maybe they're a bit off each other you know there's a bit of like a bit of it like a tent like attention thing right okay all right i thought there was a i thought that the whole surprise element was we

were seeing a man actually being sucked off and there was no comedic value in it until the punchline. Yeah, I mean, I guess you could then build to like maybe the puppet. I didn't know there was sexual tension between the man's wooden dick and the wooden boy. Maybe we build to the puppet has a lot of tension with the cock and then they patch up their differences. And then second cock comes out of the main cock, and then the cock is now getting sucked off.

Oh, no. The cock has a cock. Yeah. Right, okay. Well, look, I'll give you this. This is a new form of antiloquism, what we were talking about. Exactly. If we heard about this, we'd be like, well, I'll give you this. This is a new form of ventriloquism, what we were talking about. Exactly. If we heard about this, we'd be like, well, blow me down.

I guess I'm going to go watch your ventriloquist. I've got to see this. I'm actually interested in the form for the first time in my whole life. I am interested. You've made me interested in the same way I was interested in the stripsons, in the clumsily titled stripsons. Yep. Okay, right, I'm in. Well, thanks, Gary Greer. Thanks, Gary Greer. In the stripsons. Yeah. In the clumsily titled stripsons. Yep. Okay.

Right. I'm in. Well, thanks, Gary Greer. Thanks, Gary Greer. For inspiring that. That wouldn't have happened without that weird last name of yours. No. Thank you very much to Patron Subscriber, Will Brain.

Will Brain. That's a real name of a person who's subscribing to our show. Okay. Will Brain. Will Brain. That's a real name of a person who's subscribing to our show. Okay. Will Brain. Will Brain. Yeah. What number is this? This is of this week.

This is number four. Oh, okay. Believe it or not. Yeah. Will Brain. I completely lost track of time. I thought we were somewhere else altogether. No, no. Will Brain.

Will Brain. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good question. Will Brain. Will Brain. Will brain. Will brain. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good question. Will brain. Will brain. Will brain. For me today.

A lot of this show, it's won't brain. Not really. Yeah. Yeah. Will brain or won't brain? That's the question we ask ourselves every week. Yeah. Yeah, this has stumped me.

This is one of those ones where it's like, it's kind of all there. You know, it's sort of like what, you know, you wouldn't think that Greer would lead to more riffing than Brain. But. Yeah. William Brain. Well, Brain is, of course, slang for the nuts. What? It can be slang for balls.

What? Brain. You never heard that? No. be slang for balls. What? Brain. You never heard that? No. Getting brain? No. Because the little wrinkly kind of looks like a brain? No.

Okay. I've never heard that before. Well, my point being, this could be folded into the ventriloquist act. We've got a juicy one like Will Brain and you're like, oh, let's put that back into the little guy sucking up a man. Juicy, and I'm like, Will Brain, and you're like, oh, let's put that back into the little guy sucking off a man. Will Brain. Look, I agree.

This seems like it's almost too juicy. This seems like there's so much here. But then... There's actually not. Okay, what is it, though? Yeah, what is it? Oh, Brain. What is it? That's a thing.

Will Brain. If it's too spot on, it's like... What is the perfect name to... If you had the family name Brain, what would you match it with? As in first name? Yeah. Brian. Brian Brain.

Brian Brain. Right, okay. What about if it was a boy? I was in a chat with my friends and I said something that I just... I don't know something stupid that i've done or whatever and i went god i've got brain damage but i misspelt it as brian good so then guess what my name in the chat was for a long time brian damage yeah no more perfect uh thing to misspell there is is. That I have brain damage. There has got to have been a comedian called Brian Damage.

Brian Damage. There's no way that there isn't. Yeah, you're looking him up. Yep. At Brian Damage Comedy on Twitter. Brian... Oh, hang on. Not only...

Oh, my God. What? Yeah, I mean, I'm absolutely right. If you go to briandamage.net, there is a double act. Dot net. Yeah. There is a double, oh my God, there's a double act. Brian Damage and Crystal.

Okay. That's them right there. Oh, nice. It looks... Yeah, nice. Where are they from? It looks like they are English. A unique double act.

Oh, wow. Update. Now act. Oh, wow! Update! Now based in Sydney, Australia. I was going to say, this sounds familiar. I feel like maybe I've seen them on a festival, I don't know, guide or something out here. I love this though.

His name's Brian Damage, but now he's doing a double act. So he's sort of just gotten rid of the damage bit of it. It's now just, it's Brian and Crystal. That's the double act. I feel like these two maybe like ran an open mic when I first started doing comedy. The fact that they're in Sydney is sounding really familiar.

Cause I, yeah, I have this really, really faint memory of like going up to Sydney for the very first time and asking people, like, what are the gigs up there as you do? And someone being like, yeah, there's this open mic run by Brian Damage and Crystal and being like, oh, maybe I won't go to Sydney. It sounds kind of scary.

Well, guess what? Here's a little bit of a backstory with him in case you wondered what the dynamic was. He's a little bit of a backstory with them, in case you wondered what the dynamic was. Brian is infamously grumpy and deadpan, whilst his assistant, Crystal, is glamorous but ditzy. Sounds like this show. The combination is unique and very funny. Their timing is exquisite, their humour dry and sometimes bawdy. Now, they... Their timing is exquisite.

Yeah. Brian and Crystal are not adverse to TV, radio, or any other media performances, so let's not rule that out on their website. Because otherwise producers have a show for them and think they wouldn't be interested. No. Especially, that's on the fourth paragraph of the front page of their bio.

A couple of high flyers who have a.net website wouldn't be interested in something like this. They sound almost too good for TV. Let's not bother. So we can't get them for the art, for example. Hang on a minute.

They're not adverse. I noticed podcasts aren't mentioned in there so clearly they're adverse to this medium. I would say that this bio was probably written before the podcast. Pre the Ricky Gervais show.

Seriously. This is an old-ass-looking fucking website. Yeah. But they do have a CD out called Silly Songs. Okay. I wonder what sort of stuff is on there. Well, I would have thought pretty obvious, Tommy. But, I mean, that's why you're so glamorous.

Hey, ditzy and glamorous. Your assistant. They ran their own. Look, you might be dead on with running a comedy night in Sydney because they do have history forming their own comedy club in London. They had a show called Pear-Shaped Comedy Club. Ah, yeah. This is all ringing a lot of bells, I've got to say, honestly.

Yeah. They seem like the sort of dub like that might actually ring bells on stage. Yeah, true. Well, there you go. Yeah. So that is, I was going to say related to Will Brain, but not at all. That's just the name Brain in another format in comedy. That's related.

We wouldn't have got onto that if it weren't for the name Brain. No, I thought maybe they were technically related. There was a chance, but then I remembered it was the other way around. No, we've just spelled his surname wrong. Yes. And off we go. Yes. Yeah, so look, Brain.

Crystal and Brian Danish. Yeah. I wonder if they're still together. Yeah. Because it seems like it's You know it's quite an old bio I reckon it's quite an old picture Maybe

Maybe they're dead Who knows They could be Oh wow Update Another update I like how I'm calling them updates Whereas really I'm just reading

Finding new things On this site from 10 years ago. Yes, it's all been collated at the same time. Brian's gone nuts. He's given up smoking, grown a beard, started painting, drawing, photographing inanimate objects in the street, and talking to himself. We're all very worried. If you don't believe me, have a look here. www.damageart.com

God, I'd love to know how this guy went during the pandemic. If that's his life pre-lockdown, on the street, drawing people, big beard. Good Lord. Yeah, you're right. Pear-shaped in Sydney. There you go. Announcement.

Sadly, we have to announce that due to circumstances beyond our lack of control, things seem to have gone a bit pear-shaped at Pear Shaped in Sydney. This is not unusual. Things were actually quite pear-shaped even when it was going okay. What venue does it say? I'm sure I did this. East Village Hotel.

I'm sure I did this gig. East Village Hotel. Fuck, this must have been here for so long. Admission, $5. Yeah. It looks, $5. Yeah. It looks like, yeah, nothing. It looks like this is a long time ago. I'm positive I would have done this gig on an early trip to Sydney.

Yeah. With Brian Damage and Crystal. It's one of those weird things with websites where it's like, why are you still paying for this to be up? Yeah. Why is this still online? websites where it's like, why are you still paying for this to be up? Yeah. Why is this still online? Yeah, that's true actually. Yeah, I never thought of that when you see a really old website that hasn't been updated.

It's like... We've both had websites where you forget about it for like two months and all of a sudden someone else has bought that website. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I reckon this thing's been untouched for 15 years. Yeah, you don't just make something and it sits there in perpetuity. You are constantly getting, yeah, you're constantly getting hustled down. Although, I don't know, maybe this is just

some weird GeoCities thing that exists before the time of, like, you know, website domain holders realising how much they can shake people down. Yeah. I would imagine you could have made, like, an AngelFire site 15 years ago that's still up,

potentially. Yeah. Well, thanks, Brian. No, thanks, Will. Thanks, Will. Thanks, Brian, as well. Thanks, Crystal, while we're at it. Yeah.

No, you can't. Well, look, you've got to have that double act. You can't just have the grumpy man on stage without the famously ditzy and glamorous. Not enough glamour in comedy, is there? There's really not enough razzle dazzle. All right. Well, let's just do one more. Before I bring out the fifth and final for today, we're recording this at my joint. I hope you notice that there's no dog piss on the walls

outside um it's an absolute pleasure to hang my washing out these days no odor in the air no no yeah i can i can lean the washing right up against the wall with no oh great with no fear of splashbacks you can just dry it by nailing it to the wall. Yeah. Like you've always wanted. New York apartment style, hanging it off over the edge of the wall. Beautiful. Tipping my garbage onto the street. Screaming at Italian people just wearing a singlet and being fat.

We're in Hawthorne. What are you going to get for lunch? What time is it? I don't know, honestly. I might just eat at home. Oh. I've got a lot of shit to do at home. I keep cleaning up my house because we're back in there after six weeks away.

Disappointing because I knew that you'd look forward to coming over this side of town just to get something different to eat. Yeah. Ordinarily, yes. But I fucking really let it rip in Adelaide and i'm not feeling great so i've really got to get myself back on track yeah you know the the whole thing about how your gut and your mind are very linked and if you if you watch your diet you will feel better okay i always kind of read that and went and then if i have a couple of weeks where i'm just eating like garbage boy i noticed that fact what did you eat i just was um i was near the markets have you ever been to the markets

in adelaide i don't think so they're fucking great there's like lots of little eateries that are really it's more like a food court there's this pasta place in there that was really good so i was hitting i was actually eating a lot of pasta right which as great as it is you fucking do that too much you're like carbs are really bad i feel awful so yeah just a lot of um yeah just a lot of really heavy stuff and then just like yeah drinking not like going out heaps but just like having a few beers every night getting some gym sessions in there so i feel like I was alleviating a little bit. But my point being, yeah, normally I would go a little treat lunch down in Hawthorne here. But yeah, today it's like, yeah, maybe just grab a takeaway salad or something on the way home.

I got to get myself back on track. Because of course then comedy festival starts and it's like, Oh, yes. Yeah, the fucking cord gets pulled all over again. Yes. Not what about you what are you gonna eat i don't know i have not uh yeah no i don't know i've got no idea i think i'm that i'm that hungry now i'm gonna have to break my fast here might have an apple or something and then think about because you know sometimes i'll fast and i'll be like man i can't wait for something to eat and then i go there's too much going on i'm too hungry i don't know what the fuck i'm doing anymore i've got to have something minor to start with just to reset and oh yeah

right now my brain's back in action now i can fucking not be almost panicky almost physically panicky about getting something good to eat oh Oh, really? Yeah, because at the moment I'm like, oh, fuck, what am I going to get? And I'm even starting to think now going, oh, it'd be great to get this. Oh, no, it's closed. Oh, what about this? Fuck, no, that's closed. Oh, fuck, what am I going to get? If I just get a bit of toast now, I'll be like, all right, I'll calm down.

Yeah, that's the thing. If you're really hungry and you go to get something and it's closed and you've got to go somewhere else, you just feel yourself going insane. Yes. Yeah. It's not a nice feeling. Awful. Yeah.

That feeling of like, I literally don't know what I do now. Yes. I don't know where I'm going to go. Yes. I had that in Singapore. And then I'll be like, oh, okay, I'll get McDonald's. And then you sit there and eat McDonald's and go, this is a fucking waste of this. If my brain had been working properly, I could have had a proper plan B.

Yeah. I did that in Singapore once. Flew in. I think we were coming from Koh Samui. Hadn't eaten all day. Saving myself for some good hawker food. Went down Orchard Road and just thought, oh, there'll be a food court here easy to find. Yeah, no.

And funnily enough, when i went back this time recently it's food courts everywhere i don't know where i was looking yeah but i kept going into shops and just not being able to find food anywhere went to an info and it's like it's four in the afternoon or something by this point haven't eaten all day yep i go to like an info store i'm like oh where's some food and this person gives me directions like down here and then around the corner and i'm like okay and i so i go down there i turn right and then it literally is the most like comical dead end of just a brick wall and it's the closest i've ever come to feeling like i'm gonna have a psychotic episode of like if it wasn't here do you know you're just going

like you start doing the maths and you're like all right i guess i'll uber back to the hotel and then i'll try and walk somewhere from there but by the time i've done all of that that's an hour that's an hour away until i'm eating and i'm already going insane yeah i don't know how i'm gonna i don't know how i'm gonna survive this i can feel myself fraying yeah and then and then you're going and you've built up this great meal and all of a sudden it's like now i'm i'm eating biscuits from a 7-eleven like what the fuck i was gonna have the best meal of all time at that point i'm not even thinking that i'm just like i don't care just any just literally anything would be great yeah just a just an egg would be fine i just need to i need to be

able to get some clarity back. Anyway. Well, that's all going to happen soon. Thank you very much to, let's, one more. Thank you very much

to Patience Subscriber, Brain Comedy. Oh yeah? Yeah. Seems like there'd be a lot to riff on there, but there's actually not as much as you might first think.

No, I mean, comedy's sort of funny. Sometimes. As a surname. Sometimes. Again, not today. That's the intent. Yeah. Sometimes life has other plans.

Well, thanks Brain Comedy. Thanks Brain. Thanks everyone who supports the show, littledumbdumbclub.com for all the tickets to things we have coming up and the link to the Patreon. Get yourself some merch while you're there. Why not?

Come and see some live shows. We are so close to doing our Melbourne shows. We are so close-ish to doing... We're doing a slightly smaller venue in Brisbane so it will sell out. Yep. Pretty quick smart. So get onto that. Yep. Thanks quick smart, so get onto that.

Yep. Thanks to everyone from Adelaide that came to see us. Yeah. It's, we really haven't done that many live shows in quite a while, so it was really good to get back on the horse,

and also it was a fucking belter. Yeah, fun stuff. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.