The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 654 - Live! Ed Gamble, Nazeem Hussain & Guy Montgomery

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

This week we're in the Basement with ED GAMBLE, NAZEEM HUSSAIN and GUY MONTGOMERY! Tommy's going hands-free and podcasting with a Madonna-style headset mic, Karl's received even more gifts from listeners, Nazeem's been surprising and delighting comedy audiences, and we nearly got into a punch-on with our tech last week. PLUS, we're being sponsored by our own t-shirts! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Guy Montgomery, Nazeem Hussain and Ed Gamble. We have one more of these coming up this Saturday, April the 22nd, if there are any tickets left. That's it, we're pretty ran. There might be one or two tickets left by the time this comes out. And if not, you're just going to have to drive all the way up to Brisbane, aren't you Tommy? That is Saturday, May 23rd, I believe. So only a couple of dozen tickets left for that, Tommy? That is Saturday. May 20th. May 23pm, I believe. So only a couple dozen tickets left for that, for our little festival season. And so get on it, guys. Get on it.

Victoria, Queensland, anyone else. Yep. And come out to see one of these live shows if you can, and you'll get to see wonderful visual gear in the room. Like, for example, at the start of this episode, me coming out with a little headset mic on. That's right. Well, we talked about it last week, and I requested it, and Tommy gave me a little present.

Nice little, this is Tommy using his little headset mic. So get ready to listen to some very crisp audio, because we found a new tech. Yeah. Enjoy this live Nazeem Hussain, Guy Montgomery, and Ed Gamble. See you soon. Hey lady Hey Hey mates Hey, hey, hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Daslow. And this is always the other half of the program. Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Right. Just a double quarter pounder meal, mate. Carl Geronimo. G'day, dickheads. Right. Just a double quarter pounder meal, mate. For the listener at home, is this, can people, is it on?

Is it? Yeah, it's working. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah. Couldn't do that with a handheld, could you? All right. Tommy is wearing the headset for people at home.

He is full on... Go on, mate, let me have it. I can take it. I feel like he's about to introduce Santa Claus at Carol's by Candlelight or something. It's great. I was wearing this in my comedy festival show for about four nights before it stopped working and I gave it up. But it is very nice. It just turns all of my dog shit material about

how it'd be great in Melbourne if we had the bullet tram and just making it feel like a life coaching seminar. Yeah, it certainly gives us an excuse. If you didn't like it, it's a TED talk, guys. Just walking around pontificating like, yes, and then in many ways I realised I was

in fact masturbating on the bus. That could be you, folks. That could be each and every one of you. You've all got the power within you. I'm pretty sure your mic is turned off, so this is going to sound great at home. This is going to be so good. Josh, did you turn it off?

Oh, it's on. Now, where was I? See what I did just then? That's the guerrilla mindset, ladies and gentlemen. I wish I had the ability to walk around like you. But here I am, chained to the stool. Ah, it's so liberating.

It feels so great. Do a bit of crowd work. What's your name? Imagine. This guy lent to his partner and explained the joke. I like that. See, when it works, it does feel really good. I'm regretting not having it in my show for the last four nights. We should take away your stool.

I like this frantic pacing on the stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is good shit. What else is going on, guys? Oh, man, you must feel like you're walking around with almost pyjamas on or something. Like, this is... All right, let's get rid of it.

I had it in Adelaide as well, and my tech was from Brisbane, and he's very, like, no-nonsense, calls it how he sees it. Right. And I came out, first night had this on and from the back of the room he went well someone's from Melbourne not meant as a compliment at all and then

they don't have call centres in Brisbane? it's a versatile thing, you've got to give it that so far you've made a reference to it being call centre, Maccas, Britney Spears. What else could it be? No, Carols by Candlelight. Carols by Candlelight. Well, I can't do Britney Spears anymore.

Cheers. Friend of the show, Nick Capper, came and saw my show on the second night. And then about two nights later, I was sitting out the front of the venue and I saw him and I was like yeah I really feel like having a beer before the show but I just don't know if I've got the show like figured out enough yet I don't know if I've like

earned the right to have a beer before the show yet and he goes to me well I don't know have you had a really good one yet? Cheers mate I thought Thursday was pretty good but I guess I'll just have to keep shooting. Yeah, if I can price check that one. All right.

Hey, mate, I can do them. You can't. That's our word. We can make those jokes. If you've never had the guts to wear one of these while looking like a complete fuckhead, you don't get to make the jokes. Let's both get one for next week.

Yeah, sure. I am genuinely jealous. I wish I was in a rocker Stedford like you. Man, it's fun. Whee! Do you need anything from up the back of the room? Because I can still... You can leave anything in your bag.

I wish I could. I wish I could. I wish I could. But yeah. Speaking of last week I did get a lot of presents last week that I talked about and I overlooked one thing

that as I was talking about the presents from the week before someone had dumped a present on the stage. Yeah, speaking of presents I'm going to go over here. Why is that speaking of presents? My presents.

Oh. Yeah, but you're... Wow. Hey, this is not bad. This is... We have gone full Lane Owen Woodley in here. If this was a festival managed venue, they'd be charging someone five grand to be up in the studio.

Yeah, well, you're about to get kicked out of the Comedy Festival. This is about to become Melbourne Fringe, I reckon. Not if I've got anything to say about it. I feel like I'm in the 1800s with this fucking lumbosome thing. Yeah, I sat down out of support for you, but like, why the fuck would I do that?

Yeah, sorry, yeah, yes, someone had left, because you took Valium during the show last week. Yes, yes, yes.

Now, how did that end up? Like, honestly, like, halfway through, I was like, fuck,

I'm struggling here, and then by the end, I was like, it just counteracted all my anger, and I was just back to sort of mildly angry

instead of like, crazily angry. Yeah, I would like to institute a policy where you take Valium before every gig we do from now on. I really did mean to bring some today, to be honest. It really was quite good last week. Anyone in the crowd got some? I can come to you. Doesn't matter how far back you are, I can get it.

So, someone did leave a present on the stage and I didn't get to it, so I should get to it now. What I do need to say is, look, a joke's a joke. Being funny's funny, but there's pushing the envelope. Now, the other week, we were talking about, what, two weeks ago, we were talking about, you know, because I turned 47, and all of a sudden, it turned into that thing where you're like, you're 50.

It's like, I get it. Ten years ago, that happened. I was like 37. You started going, you're 40. I'm like, I get it. Ten years ago that happened. I was like 37. You started going, you're 40. I'm like, I get it. You push on a couple of years. I get it. Now, that's all well and good.

That's a funny joke to exaggerate a couple of years. What I don't appreciate is birthday cards that say you're 60. Oh, nice. Yeah, nice. That's great. You are 60, though. No, no. It's like I'm happy the rule of three, not the rule of 13 going on.

Okay, a little card. A little pug dressed as a devil on the front. Yes, yes, very cute. Lisa says still looking hot at 60, so that's something. So I look good for 60. That's pretty good. It's not like you to only focus on the negative part of it. Someone said you're hot.

That's a compliment. Thank you. Great. And there was a picture of a dog, and that's me. Cool. So there was a present involved as well, which I was like, and like we've been doing, you know, we'll have a drink up here. There's a lot of pressure.

You know, we work hard on this thing. There's a lot of stuff going on during the festival. I tend to have quite a few drinks on the day. And so then someone's given me like a hip flask as the present. Which I'm like straight away, I'm like, oh cool. I'll get into that. And it says Rad Dad. Right, so. Which is the bane of our existence.

If we're sent anything on the internet, it's something that says, oh Rad Dad, they're copying you. Cunt. Someone else thought of it first. The only reason we did it was because if anyone remembers about 12 years ago, I... Fuck. Tommy, can you get that for me?

I can get it. I'm stuck up here. Yeah, while I'm down there. Yeah, yeah. 12 years ago, I literally... I didn't even audition. I got given the part for a catalogue thing. Yeah, offer only.

Yeah, yeah. For a catalogue thing where it was like, Rad Dad, I was going to be Rad Dad, but we looked at it at the time and it was like, they didn't say you are Rad Dad, but there was three parts. It was like five-year-old child, Rad Dad or Aboriginal mum. And so I was like, I think I've got Rad Dad out of this one.

I'm pretty sure. I think Chris Lilley got the other two parts. I think that was... I think that one was for me. But it kills me because that was the first... I got that and they said, you can come in and do it. And I was in Costa Mui for the first time ever right then. So that stopped me from getting it.

I'm like, fuck. It's really like a hairline thing, which one I rather would have done. Be in Costa Mui for the first time or officially become a catalogue model and be Rad Dad in a Kmart catalogue. And maybe the Rad Dad character would have really taken off and you could be like the I Select guy.

You're still doing that now. And then you're too busy to ever go to Thailand. So literally it's like you've never been. Sliding doors. So anyway, I got the hip flask anyway. So after the show I was like, fuck, I'll crack into it. Because it was actually full. I'm like, great. And that's when I had a drink.

Wait, hang on. Hang on. So someone's given you the gift of a full hip flask. Was there any information in the cart about what was in it? No. Bit salty tasting? I love your podcast, Carl. Yeah. I know they don't serve this at the venue,

but a little secret for us fellas. Man, I fucking wish because it is aftershave oh nice the o'loughlin special yummy i'm a celebrity get me out of here and by out of here i mean sobriety so uh did you get that one guys? Did that one need explaining? Yeah, so thank you for that But man, should we

I mean we've got lots to get to But should we do The other thing was Yeah Oh fuck, I forgot to bring it up here So we won't Oh no, here it is Genuinely, I made it as a joke before

But I can go and get it No, no, I've got it here I've got it here They also gave me an AI generated Is that what it's called? No, what's it called? Chat GPT Yeahpt yeah yeah generated episode of rad dad do you want okay yeah are we gonna do it together should we do it or we do have time it's all right rad dad yeah yeah okay um okay announcer welcome back to down under drama the radio show that brings you the

wildest soap opera stories from australia Today we're tuning into the life of Rad Dad and his daughter Jenny. Sound of a door opening. Dad, you're back from Bali. Fact check this one. This is coming from the same person who made me drink aftershave, so yeah. Yes, my dear, it's good to be back with my second family.

Great, I'm so glad you have another family. Don't be like that, Jenny, they're wonderful people, and you know what else is wonderful? The 90s. Remember when life was simple and music was good? No, Dad, I wasn't even born yet. Oh, right, well, you should have been there. And speaking of things that are wonderful, I need your help. What do you need, Dad?

I need you to ask strangers in Bali to bring me back some Valium. Dad, that's illegal. Nonsense. It's just a little pill to help me relax. And besides, it's cheaper in Bali. I can't believe you're asking me to do this. Oh, come on, Jenny. You know I'd do the same for you. Remember that time I bought you that fake ID?

That was a terrible idea, Dad. Well, this is a great idea. So, are you going to help me out? I'll think about it. Ring, ring. Oh, that's probably one of my barley friends. Hello? Stranger, g'day, mate.

I heard you need some Valium. Yes, I do. I'll bring some back for you, but it'll cost you. No worries, mate. You're a lifesaver. Dad, this is getting out of hand. Don't worry, Jenny. It's all under control.

And that's it for today's episode of Down Under Drama. Tune in next time to find out what happens when Rad Dad's Valium arrives in Australia. Until then, this is your host signing off. Oh, Rad Dad. I do love the conceit of this where it's like the plot line is, I want Valium because it's cheap. And then someone says, I've got some for you, but it'll cost you.

Yeah. I don't think ChatGPT wrote that at all. I think the person who gave that to you is like, this is my shot at the big time. Get them to read it out and then I'll say, guess what, boys? I wrote all those funny references to Valium. Pardon? Nothing to add there Anyway J-Lo Let's get into it So

I might I might get on the handheld On the On the regular mic Just for a bit of Just for a bit of security Josh I've got

I've got great fears About whether this is coming through On the recording or not I've just realised So yeah It's coming through On the recording Ah well

Give me a signal If it cuts out at any point. Yeah. Okay. All right. Good. All right. So we'll bring this up. We've got some guests to bring it, so we better get some business in order.

So, hey, for anyone, a bit of peek behind the curtain. This is what happens at Dum Dum HQ. I do a lot of the, I guess, financial side of things where I do a bit of that. And so far, done a pretty good job. Like I'll negotiate with venues and, you know, all that sort of stuff. I handle the merch side of things. And pretty much, you know, it's been pretty good. Now, nobody's perfect.

And there has been – we've done an AGM and there has been a bit of a glaring error in the accounts in the last year. Now, like I said, I handle the merch and post them all out and do everything, arrange the printing and everything. Now, a year ago we did launch a new shirt. That is a fantastic metaphor. The ultimate clang, a t-shirt. We did launch a new t-shirt, the I Got Milan shirt, right, as I'm holding up now. Now, some of you may have heard of it.

According to the accounts, I think three of you have heard of it. Is anyone wearing... Oh, there we go. We've got one in the front row. There's someone. Well, there's only two more to find. All right, cool. Cool.

You made fun of my dancing when your partner is wearing an I Got Milan t-shirt. In the front row. The absolute goal. Now, I got a bit excited about it a year ago. You know, we always sell a fair bit of merch. I'm like, this will be great. And I ran up by you and you were sort of like, I don't know

about this. And I was like, no, I'm pretty fucking sure. I was tepid. I was tepid. You were very lukewarm on it and I thought, you know, we've got that thousand seater to fill. We had the big 500th episode of the Athename. We've got a thousand people there to buy the merch. Awesome. I made an order of a hundred and I rang up and said, double it actually. We need to get 200 of these.

It's going to go too quick. How much will it be for a reorder? And then we did the Athename show and we sold eight. Stop theorder and then we did the Athleanium show and we sold eight oh man stop the presses and then when you turn them back on make them work

at double speed we sold eight and then I is that the literal number that's the literal number

because this did come up because Milan famous for buying people shots and beers and then the design of the

I Got Milan shirt is a martini glass. I don't think I've ever seen Milan hold a martini in my entire fucking life. It's a metaphor for alcohol, okay? It's a metaphor! This Nike shirt is actually a metaphor for Adidas. I would argue harder if I

had the results to back me up. We have so many in my my child's uh bedroom and and the other thing is like when i'm looking back at it as we've analyzed it and i got a bit ahead of myself and thought you know what we don't even need our names or pictures or any sort of like strong references to things on the pod i've just printed 200 shirts about a bloke who's never been on the podcast. It's just a friend of ours. And we're like,

do you guys want to buy his name on your shirt? We know him. You don't, but we know him. Yeah. I mean, he's here tonight. Yeah. That's something. There you go.

More cheers than sales. Yeah. So is Blanket starting to ask questions about why so much of her room is taken up with this advertisement for alcohol poisoning? Yes, and I really have to move more of them because they are so filled with glitter and food at the moment that I need to start getting some of them out

of here. But so anyway, we do have, we've got sponsors from time to time. So this week we have an official sponsor. It's our own T-shirt. Yeah. Yeah. So I think we have booked in, yeah, quite a lucrative ad read. Okay, great.

Great. We need to have that. So if we could get our ad read out very soon. Of course, we wouldn't do it ourselves. We paid quite a bit of money for an actual... Great to be here thanks for the work hot off the presses

from a year ago introducing the I Got Milan t-shirt brought to you by the Little Dum Dum Club why go to the runways of gay Paris when you can bring brought to you by the Little Dum Dum Club. Why go to the runways of gay Paris when you can bring them to you? Tell Louis Vuitton to suck your dick

as you walk the streets of Richmond avoiding the pieces of human shit in this little number. We've got a model. We've got a model. Oh, thank you. That's the back.

Wow. Wow. The perfect shirt for the average... Yes, my arm was on stage. That's as good as it gets. My arm was on stage modelling the shirt. The perfect shirt for the average podcast fan. As we try to

finally prove the theory, is black actually slimming? And when it comes to fashion, why wouldn't you listen to the little dum-dum club? A 60-year-old man who wears the jeans of a 12-year-old girl. And the soccer clothes of an 11-year-old boy. And a 12-year-old girl and the soccer clothes of an 11-year-old boy

and a 40-year-old child who answers the question, what if Mr Magoo dressed like Jamara Kwai? The I Got Milan T-shirt, only $30 from all unreputable podcast website. That's why he's never been on the show. $30 from all unreputable podcast website. That's why he's never been on the show. $30. Thank you, Oliver Clarke. Mr Magoo dressing like Jamiroquai

is the nicest thing you've ever said about me. I appreciate that. Not even offended at all. So we are turning this into something of a telethon. Is that the idea? We need to shift some units during the show, guys. You can get onto the website right now during the gig, littledumbdumbclub.com.

Tickets are available. This is finally sinking in with the fucking headset. This is great. He's here to take your calls. Yeah, we're going to throw in a free set of steak knives, take them off our hands, otherwise we're going to open our wrists at the end of this from how few fucking T-shirts we've sold. Hang on, if we give away the steak knives, how are we going to open our wrists?

No, that's what I'm saying, get the steak knives out, away from us. You can get them right now, you can choose a postage option of, you can choose an option of just like $0 shipping on the website so we can keep a track of... This sounds like a joke, we've actually done this, we want to sell these shirts. I wanted to put in like, I'm at the gig, so $0 shipping, but you have to pick a country, so I picked Italy. So if you buy a Milan shirt and say that you're from Italy, you'll get it for $0 and you can just pick it up from here now. Yes, yeah, sure.

Good idea to let people not concentrate on the show and just get on their phones. I feel like most of them are probably doing it anyway. Guys, let's welcome to the stage our guests for this afternoon Guy Montgomery, Nazeem Hussain and Ed Gamble. Yes. Great stuff up the top, lads.

Yes. Yeah, lovely. Thanks for being guests on our infomercial. So you've got a bunch of I Got Milan T-shirts in here. Is your mic on? I don't know. No, it's not. Okay, all right, now we're back on.

There we go. What a fucking rube, am I right? I like you walking around looking really inspiring and inspiring. I want to suck your tongue. That's not his gear. He stole that. Caught a comeback, you rube. Is that it?

Is that it? We haven't thought of anything further? Great. Fuck, we really killed the rhythm of this Two cartoon character jumpers on stage at the same time Nice Yeah, I'm wearing Snoopy In honour of Australian Open tennis player Frank Dankovich

Do you guys know the story of Frank Dankovich? I've got no fucking idea what's going on Canadian tennis player was competing in the Australian Open once During a mega heatwave here, 40-degree days, and he had an episode where he was playing his match and he said he started hallucinating that he was playing against Snoopy. It was so hot that he was like, I blacked out mid-match and thought I was playing tennis against Snoopy.

And we found out about this recently and got obsessed with him and we went onto his Facebook fan page and his banner image is of Snoopy. So he's leaning in. He's working with it. I've sent him a lot of questions about Snoopy and he has answered none of them. So he maybe doesn't remember any of it happening. Fuck. Speaking of bad memory, there goes me flask.

Yeah, the flask is already there. Why do you have so many things in your... It's ridiculous. It's called content. A lot of people, they just think of things and they say them like that. Not me. I got to write them down because I take drugs on stage. I do too, but I don't need to write it down, man.

I do too, but I don't need to write it down, man. He's 60, mate. No, no. I can't believe I'm saying this, but no, I'm 50. Ed, great to have you on the live show. Good to be here. You've been on the show before over Zoom. I'm just saying that mostly for your memory because I would not forgive you for having blocked all of that out.

Yeah, I mean, I remember I was on it and then all the other details are quite hazy to be honest. Same, honestly. The depths of lockdown, like, yeah, we'll have this dude from the UK. Cool. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I remember enjoying it.

Yeah. You know, I was surprised to turn up here and see quite so many people turn up for a live this is great I can applaud

a good joke when I really like it it's nice that's why really it's an insight into how hard the lockdown was in the UK

that you I mean things are going pretty well for Ed and he's going yeah I'll jump on a fucking zoom call with these guys yeah that was a beautiful the lockdown was in the UK that you, I mean, things are going pretty well for Ed and he's going, yeah, I'll jump on a fucking Zoom call with these guys.

Yeah, that was the beautiful thing about lockdown. People's standards got lower and we loved it. Well, I think, because Russell Howard's

done it before, right? Yeah, with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But he'd done it before. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is what gave me the, okay, this is a legit podcast.

I'm sure you want it. He's a charitable guy. He is a charitable guy. Massive arena comic and not even he wears one of those fucking microphones. Yeah, it's the rare breed of basement comics

that base themselves like this. Well, look, speaking of the mic, because, yeah, you guys are... Look at how much you're gesticulating. It's incredible.

You Italians really do speak with your hands. This is my fake Italian background. So, Ed. Yes. Your podcast, Off Menu, you announced this week you're going on a big tour across the UK. This should help shift a few units.

Shut up! Thanks for getting the plug in there, Tommy. A few units. Now, something that you... Eight tickets just got sold. Do you need some merch to sell, not necessarily of your own podcast? Yeah, sure, I'll take a few off your hands.

We could get some whiteout and just change it to say, Off Milanius. That's not a bad idea. Now, something you might need to be prepared for on this tour, you're travelling around, you're doing a lot of these live shows, is technical mishaps. Yes. Now, people here will know we've got a long lineage

of technical issues with this podcast. Yes. Look, it's been a long journey to get to the point where we can have a wireless headset mic working, I hope, flawlessly. But just one.

You're not going to push it to two. No, no. And look, thank God the crowd mic's next to me because this is conked out on the recording. I mean, all these mics are at different levels.

Fuck knows what it's going to sound like. But yeah. We've got some cunts sitting on Optimus Prime over there. It should work out well. Well, hey, yeah, so last week I think we had maybe the worst technical experience we've ever had. Yes, and we've got quite a history. So the worst of, best of so far we've had is we had our mate Webby in Koh Samui,

where he once was just, I think, taking whatever pills he found on the streets of Chewing Beach. He was checking a pod. Without headphones on, not listening to the show. Without headphones on. I was watching him and he just like legged it away from the show at one point. And we were like, what the fuck's happened? Like a cord's broken or a battery's run out. And what he'd actually done was ran to the bar

and then said, one Coke, please. Yeah, I was like, what happened? Did you realise you didn't have an SD card in or something? And he's like, no, I just really wanted a Coke. But the frantic nature with which he raced out of there was unbelievable. We had a live show in Brisbane once. The bloke from Powderfinger who owns the

venue just didn't record the first five minutes of it and then at the end said, yeah, sorry, the board broke, but good news. We got it fixed for the next podcast that's coming. Yeah, we've replaced it. Great. No wonder the fucking Bernard Fanning doesn't want to read me a night with you, you cunt. I don't think this conversation

literally happened with the man from Mouthinger, but he was overseeing the whole operation. We had a Sydney show where, I mean, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. The mics broke down midway through the show. We did a soundcheck midway through the show. Soundcheck midway through the show. Last week, I think, was the worst one.

Last week, I got a guy off the internet that I'd never met before. I should have... There should have been an alert. What was the website? Yeah, because you go on websites to cruise for dudes. There's the joke.

The website is gay, you're right. Dot com? Yes. Gay dot com? Anyone here a good name? Pretty good domain name. Imagine. Anyway, welcome to Australia. This is comedy.

Yeah. This is comedy. It's still funny here. Yeah. This country's grade four. Comedy convicts. Yeah, last week we booked the guy in. The guy sent me his invoice without asking where the venue was

or what the gig was. Sent me an invoice already. Then we got to the gig. Just before the show, I was particularly angry as I walked on stage because me and him nearly had a physical fight just before I walked on because he didn't know how to play music or fucking do anything. And the guy had about a foot and a half on me, and about probably 20 kilos on me,

so I was nearly bashed and then on stage. He turned up with nothing. He turned up with no laptop, no equipment, couldn't get his phone to be playing music through the Bluetooth thing on stage. So me andlin were having to work it out and then i found out later that um someone had gone up to him at the start of the day and going oh hey man what's your name and he goes you can call me w

and then i found out later in the name is later in the day his name's david the w sounds more techie because it's like W, W, W that's the start of every word yeah gay.com it's your fault though like that guy's who he says he's who he is

but you should have done your due diligence how did you find him it's my fault for saying can I please have a tech and then him saying I can do my job and then he was terrible

where did you post this ad on a YouTube comment no no it was in a Facebook group the same group fuck actually that I got this guy anyway Did you post this ad on a YouTube comment? No, no. It was in a Facebook group, the same group, fuck, actually, that I got this guy. Anyway. You guys don't have a union, do you, or anything? You're not connected or anything?

Okay, good, good. So this guy then, midway through the podcast, started sending me messages going, I want to get paid now. That's awesome. I'm having a sit through this shit. My fee's gone up. I fucking love this guy. Yeah, he does rule. He does rule.

I'm going to text you right now the same thing. You want to get paid mid-gig, and I'm like, I'm a little bit busy But anyway Mate, the Valium's just starting to kick in, alright? I'm up here doing my job Yeah, so then it was So it was Easter weekend So at the end of the gig I actually did pay him

And like, he had another podcast to record the next day Now the thing was He did that because I had no one else to get That was my podcast Yes Sorry no one else to get to That was my podcast. Yes. Sorry. He sent a message being like, heads up, the tech's a bit of a handful.

Well you were lucky because there was two pods, the other one he forgot to hit record. Well by the way I should say, so on the Saturday with us, so yeah, get there, front of house music's not playing, he's like, yeah it's too far away from the way, I should say, so on the Saturday with us, so yeah, get there, front of house music's not playing. He's like, yeah, it's too far away from the Bluetooth. I'm like, well, then get closer to the Bluetooth. And we talked about it on the night. We ended up having to get Caitlin to play.

Not everyone's cordless like you. You can't just walk anywhere. Okay, fair. We ended up having to get Caitlin to do all the cues and it's like a fucking nightmare. We're up there being like, all the mics were different volumes and like yours had heaps of bass on it. Mine was really tinny.

And we're just like losing our minds up there on the stage. And then like we walk off the gig and he comes up to me straight afterwards, puts his arm around me and goes, it all worked out in the end. Like, did it? Yeah, so then cue, from then on that night,

he rings me and goes, where's that money? And I'm like, man, I actually did cue. From then on, that night, he rings me and goes, where's that money? And I'm like, man, I actually did fucking pay you. The next three days, it was nothing but messages and phone calls from this guy going, where's this money? Why are you lying to me? Where's this money? I go, I've paid you. It's a long weekend.

I've sent it to a new account that the bank doesn't recognise. You sent it to a new account? Well, to his account. It's the first time I'd met him. So, like, because I'd seen it split it up into, like, different bits. Why'd you split it up? That's not normal You sound dodgy in all this No, no, I paid him

How much were you paying him that you had to split it up into different installments? I don't want to say how much it was in case this guy wants more What were they, $5 increments? No, no So you set up a new account for him? No, no What's wrong with you? Are you out of your fucking mind?

Knowing you two, you were labelling the transactions gay sex, drinking, bumming. I know I sound like an idiot, but you just proposed that I set up a new bank account for a man I don't know. You set it to a new... I sent it with different, like, different... Transactions. Transactions, whatever. So different receipts. I sent all the receipts to him.

I go, if you've got any questions, like, follow up with the bank. He goes, I still haven't got my money. I go, you literally have the receipt numbers there. You chase it up. He goes, no, but where is it? I go, do I look like a fucking Dolomite cunt? Well, you're nearly as old as one.

Yeah. That's not even a joke. Why are Dolomites old? That's not even a joke. Because we had them when our grandparents had them. I think what all of this sort of, you know, this sprawling anecdote is to say is that Ed, on that tour, do not hire W.

So he goes, so we were arguing. So he's ringing me for the next four days. Where's this money? And I keep going, mate, ring the bank. It's gone from my account. You fucking take it. I said, you're the most incompetent tech I've ever had in my life. You forgot to hit record.

You were fucking hopeless. And he was like, yeah, well, your podcast was shit. I'm like, oh! Yeah, and I'm like, well, fuck, no one will ever hear it anyway because you forgot to hit record, so who cares? And then he goes, I said, you need fucking serious help, medical help. And then he goes... If only you paid him.

And then he goes, you were on stage taking Valium. And I'm like, I will actually pay that one. Alright? So there was literally a screaming match between us for the rest of the day and then like five minutes later

from the last time me calling him a cunt, he hits me up and goes, oh money just went through. If you need some on this Saturday, I'm around. Fuck yeah. I love it.

So anyway, he was cheaper than the guy over here, so we'll see how this guy goes. Give it up for Zed. Yeah. Zed. He was slightly cheaper than you, but...

All right. You're going to have to fuck up pretty spectacularly. Also, I reckon I could take this bloke, not the other bloke. Yeah, he's turned up with his whole rig. He's come with a whole board. And he's dressed in all black like it's the theatre. Yes. Which I respect the hell out of.

It's a fellow practitioner of the craft. You look like a theatre sports team. Yeah. Space jump. Oh, man. Yes. Anyway. Good luck with the tour.

Cheers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how we put it. We've gone that far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think W might be prepared to travel if you want to. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Via the Matrix. Naz, what have you been up to? You've been telling me about, you've been, now I'm very jealous, you've been doing some corporate work for my, maybe my favourite treat of all time. They also pay in the middle of a gig.

Yeah. You've been doing work for Eminem. Eminem's. I did Eminem, I did the Eminem's. My favourite treat of all time. I actually, I did last night on the way home,

I bought a bag of the M&M's crispy speckled eggs I don't care They're fucking crazy good They're pretty good You don't care I didn't get any commission You don't care

I don't get anything I think if you buy avocados I get something Hang on So what have you got What have you got Hang on

What have you got at the moment Avocados, paint and M&M's Is that what's happening at the moment I think M&M's is done. We've got T-shirts, but you've got those three.

Listen, mate, I've got two kids. You're the real W for whore. So I did this M&M's corporate. I emceed a gig at, what was the venue? M&M's World. Max Watson. Times Square. Proper gig introducing up-and-coming acts.

But then I had to do this corporate day of gigs for workplaces. Max Watson. Times Square. Proper gig introducing up-and-coming acts. But then I had to do this corporate day of gigs for workplaces, surprising and delighting them with a stand-up routine. But the workplaces... You're so under the umbrella that you're using the language they would use. Oh, surprise and delight. Obviously Big Avocado doesn't pay that much. So the workplaces were two media houses.

One of them made all these magazines like from Women's Weekly to I don't know the other ones and then so I did that one

but before that I did Daily Mail. Yes. You guys are familiar with Daily Mail? So they Sorry. Having seen some

of your material this isn't really fucking confusing for me. So you went and did a gig? This isn't really fucking computing for me. You went and did a gig for M&M's for the Daily Mail. It's a collaboration we've all dreamed of. Honestly. So what happened was, so you went to the Daily Mail offices.

So I flew to Sydney and I met a bunch of M&M's representatives and they were like... Green and red. Yeah. Yellow and... I don't know he's Nazeem anyway so they're like

we're so excited you know this is going to be great we're going to go surprise and delight employees at the Daily Mail have they trademarked

surprise and delight surprise and delight it was all over the contract. Lots of things that I wasn't allowed to talk about. Like what, Smarties? I can't talk about it. I can't talk about it. Anyway, so I kept asking.

I was like, so, yeah, so what's it going to be like? Is it going to be in a boardroom? Is it in the cafeteria? Do they have some sort of theatre set up? And they're like, oh, don't worry. Do they have a theatre? I don't know. At the Daily Mail offices, do it's a stupid question in hindsight but yeah i was like look what's what's what's the

what's the content how's this gonna work you know because they go oh don't worry just do what you normally do just be yourself be funny they'll love it and i was like all right getting more and more stressed out the closer we got to the gig anyway they gave me no information until we got to the offices and i was downstairs and then i said so can i speak to somebody so i know like what the staff know like where i'm going to be doing this comedy so some guy comes up to me and he's like it's a good setup for a story you know it's gonna go well why are you here telling us about your latest crush you know so i was like look um hey i'm really excited to be here but can you tell me like what do the Why are you here telling us about your latest crush, you know?

So I was like, look, hey, I'm really excited to be here, but can you tell me, like, what do the staff know about what's about to happen? And he goes, nothing, because I thought this was supposed to be where you surprise and delight the staff. So they don't know anything. I was like, so nobody knows, like, are they going to be taken to a... Like, is anything... They know nothing? He goes, oh, no, they'll love it, don't worry about it.

And I go, what have you told them? And then we're in the lift going up to level two to... be taken to a room? Like, is anything, nothing? He goes, oh no, they'll love it, don't worry about it. And I go, what have you told them? And then we're in the lift going up to level two. Is there anything I know is that the Daily Mail love Muslims? They love Muslims.

They've written several articles about me being racist against... The surprise is in the bag but the delight's going to be hard work. So I was like, you know, So what do they know They go look

We've just told them That there's a very special Surprise celebrity guest coming Special little boy He's coming right now This is the day They're like an entertainment publication And you know

They Please tell me You strapped a bomb to yourself I was like I didn't need to strapped a bomb to yourself. I was like... I didn't need to. Imagine being told at work, oh, there's a big surprise happening,

and then getting stand-up comedy at lunchtime. Okay, but not getting Ed, getting this local guy. Anyway, so I was like, Ed Sheeran was in town, they were probably like, thinking it was him. Fuck it out. The Formula One was in town that week.

So I was like this is going to really underwhelm they're like no no trust me they're going to love it they're going to love it so I'm hiding there

like next to the elevator you're hiding yeah because they said we've got to keep you we've got to keep you hidden next to the elevator because it's a surprise yeah yeah surprise

you just read surprise and you're like I'm just going to pounce up and tell a joke I was like they don't know anything so I'm watching to see what goes on. So he goes to the open floor area where all the journalists...

Let's call them journalists. They're there, like, literally working, taking calls, typing, you know, arguing with each other, like, doing more... I don't know, office-looking stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yelling, hold the presses, et cetera. Yelling, hold the presses. You know, this is a front...

Anyway, so suddenly this guy from the Daily Mail he works there he gets everybody's attention and he's not in a real happy mood he's just like he's trying to get

their attention like you would if you've got like a staff announcement he's like hey everybody hey hey I'm going to get your attention

just hang on a sec we've got someone here from M&M's to talk to you guys someone here from M&M's from M&M's not even a comedian. Oh, my God.

From now on, for the rest of your life, whenever I emcee a gig and you're on, guys, welcome to the stage. From M&M's. Guys. It's Nazeem Hussain.

But it wasn't me that he was introducing. He was introducing the M&M's, the bubbly representative from M&M's. So she comes up in the middle. Oh, the green one. This open plant.

Hell yeah, brother! But she was in a blue mood because they all looked stressed in the face, all these journalists, they were being interrupted mid-call, they were talking to sources. She starts doing her spiel. She's like, hey everyone, how's it going? I'm here from M&M's. Some of the summer she said some corporate script.

She said, you know, we're here to surprise and delight, comedy is really important and then in the middle of this script is everyone else imagining TM

above that phrase every time you say it I have no idea what they understood from what she was saying but then

because she saw me sticking my head out beyond where I was supposed to be like I was supposed to be hiding she's

like speaking of which here he is Nazeem Hussain and no context they don't know what's going on not even comedy, not even

comedian. Did she say from M&M's? She might have, honestly. But I remember just walking up into the middle of this very serious, kind of confused, stressed out work. This is like what, lunchtime? Yeah, like just before lunch, so they're all pretty hungry. Oh fuck, the worst! Yeah.

They've said from M&M's, great lunch. No, Nazeem. Fuck! So they go, take it away. So I'm just there sort of like. Take it away. Take it away. Take it away. That's good.

Hey guys, I'm here to surprise and delight. No one knew what was. People are literally still on call. You said that. You're falling back on surprise and delight. I don't know if you guys. Who's written about me? And then people were answering genuinely.

And I started trying to do stand-up. And I said a bit about... I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. And a journalist guy, he actually started asking me questions and taking notes. Oh, wow. So he's just going, coming back from lunch is going to be easy. I've got a story here ready to go.

Yeah, Muslim bombs. You write that one down, you should use that again. I can make a shirt out of that one. I was going to say a Jesuit. No, no, look. It's a Muslim and a journalist. So things have been going pretty well for me, Ed. How long did you have to do? I had to do 20 minutes.

Fucking hell. I bet that felt like seven hours. It was very long. But M&M's are a great brand. And I love that they get behind comedy. Was there any delight on anyone's face? Oh, yeah, as I left. So you stuck to your contract?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it time to look? We have another ad booked in, I believe. Oh yeah, sure. We've got to look after our sponsors. Is it what Eminem's didn't pay for that spot? Here to surprise and delight you guys, once again is Oliver Clarke.

We've got to pay the bill somehow, somehow guys we've got to get these sponsors in alright, with a brutal Melbourne winter coming up this beautiful I Got Milan t-shirt really is the perfect addition to any wardrobe to any wardrobe? Why rug up with a jumper, coat or

anorak when you can expose your oh shit, you can expose your arms to sub-12 degree days? And let the general public know that your mummy really should be the one buying your clothes for you. Why open your mouth and prove you're a fuckhead?

When wearing this t-shirt can do the work for you. Now at the discounted rate of $20 from a website. Oh shit. That exists. Why? Doesn't everyone just use podcast apps or whatever anyway? All right, thanks, Oliver Clark. Woo!

A bit of an unapproved discount there. Okay, right. Yeah. Are we actually dropping the price? Well, okay, it's on record. Hang on, all right, I'll drop it down to $20. So where are these all stored right now? They're in my daughter's room.

She's like, why does daddy have so many black t-shirts? It's very weird. Why is his weight fluctuating so wildly? Your daughter's got I Got My Land t-shirts. Yes, there's plenty of things I could say there, but I won't say any of them. You haven't got anything for it I don't have anything

I do because Milan's been modelling on stage so Milan did a thing last week, can I talk about this Milan he's lost a lot of weight recently he's been doing a lot of exercise we drunkenly talked about this a couple of weeks ago and said he's been walking and lot of exercise we drunkenly talked about this a couple of weeks ago and said

he's been walking and running 30k to 40k he said one day I want to walk 50k I have a gig in Mornington that I run, I said why don't you walk to Mornington walk to the gig, he was like fuck yeah, okay he walked to Mornington the other day 50km, it took him all day and he hadn't really planned it out

10 hours, a 10 hour walk so he walked there, didn't plan it out, didn't realise that he had to walk through highways. He was literally sending me videos going, fuck you as he's walking on a highway. But what I loved was, so it was like, man you got, because he's, you know, he's on

like green shakes and all this sort of stuff. He's like really health conscious apart from obviously alcohol. But, so he's like not eating that much and then he walks green shakes and all this sort of stuff. He's really health conscious apart from obviously alcohol. So he's not eating that much and then he walks 50k. He hadn't eaten all day. He had one smoothie or something. He walked 40k and went, I think I should have a rest. I'm like, absolutely. He goes, oh my phone's

going flat. I said, sit down and charge it. So he's like, where can I sit down? I was like, find a pub in Frankston and sit down and charge it in Frankston. So he sat down and he hadn't eaten all day, hadn't had any liquid. So then he sat down and got really dehydrated so then he drank four pints.

And then tried to walk the remaining 10K. Is he on a diet or has he just run out of money and that's why he's still in these T-shirts? Not eating and walking everywhere. No, that's us. That's on us, not on him. He's got no shares in that. Nazeem, do you have any ideas of a sugary snack that would be good for a walk?

Drink paint. I think I might be breaching the contract to encourage people to excessively eat M&M's. So, eat them in moderation. So then, are you allowed to eat other snacks? Like, would you, if you got photographed in the street eating like a Twix, would that be really bad? I'm not allowed to, well, I just remember I wasn you allowed to eat other snacks? Like, if you got photographed in the street eating, like, a Twix,

would that be really bad? I'm not allowed to... Well, I just remember I wasn't allowed to promote other fruit when I was doing that. What? Oh, that's your avocados. Avocado thing. But I don't show the...

What? So avocados go no bananas in public? No, no, I don't think I was allowed to actively tell people to, you know, hey, buy a banana. Oh, so that really withheld you from getting on stage and going, guys, how about oranges? Guys, an apple a day... Never mind.

So to finish the story with Milan, so Milan has four pints, having had nothing to eat or drink all day, then walks 10km in the dark from Frankston to Mornington, and then he's like, I've got a spare clothes I was planning on having a shower at the pub I'm like there's no showers at a pub

so then he literally went to the beach and had a beach shower in the dark you know like the showers that you do to get the sand off you it's just a naked Milana

in the dark at the beach so good and he had a gig that night He walked to my gig just to watch Oh to your gig Yeah yeah yeah I've been to your gigs They're not that good

You're at my gig And this is okay Walking ten hours to watch a gig The ultimate chuckle fucker That's insane He was chuckle fucked Man I've never seen him so broken.

He just sat in the corner. People kept coming up to me going, is that guy absolutely fucked off his head? I'm like, he just walked 50k. They're like, why? I go, I don't know. Well, I'll say this about that anecdote. It surprised and delighted me.

I'm at work right now. Someone's come in. It surprised and delighted. Yeah. Oh, God, I could go a Val work right now. Someone's come in. I'm surprised and delighted. Yeah. Oh, God, I could go a Valium right now. Has anyone bought any shirts? Have we shifted any units while we've been up here? Literally zero people.

The price has gone down to $20. The deal of a lifetime. The people who are clambering to pay 30 at the start of the show will be furious. Hang on, hang on. Not a single person has bought one. Hang on,

you don't know that. I thought he just asked about it. It's online though. Some of you might be walking 10 hours to a gig after this and need a change

of clothes for when you get there. Think about that. Yeah, yeah. Hang on, are we now trying to sell the shirts to Milan?

Yeah, does he have one? Well, he was wearing one then, and I'm assuming no one wants to buy that one, so I guess he's got one now. No, there are no... Yeah, I could forecast the same. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Wait, wait, wait, hang on.

Hang on. Oh, no, that was you changing the password an hour ago. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, no sales. Okay. Zero sales. Zero sales. Zero sales.

All right. Wow, how low are the prices going to need to get? Okay. Do we need another ad? But Ed's famous. Like, if he wears one,

this would be a good thing for your podcast. I'm not wearing one. He's been fucking joking me. He's a complete piece of shit. I think the only person that would potentially wear one is an absolute corporate whore

if only we could find one yeah M&M's I'm saturated I'm completely M&M's Milan and Milan yes

yes yes he's too fit for my brand at the moment you know avocados that's a fatty fruit

oh yes great we've got that on record great it's a healthy fat it's a healthy fat oh Oh, yes, right. We've got that on record. It's a healthy fat. He got me back. What do you do for avocados? I've always wondered about this. How does a fruit sponsor you?

How does that work? Well, the representative of avocados came knocking. But how does that... I understand how someone can be the boss of M&M's, but how can someone be the boss of fruit? How far up does this thing go, man? Who's the head honcho at Apple's? Can I get a gig? What's happening?

Tim Cook. Tim Cooks. What do you do? You tell people they're good. I tell people, basically, you know what? It's actually pretty shit. I walk into Woolies and Coles and I have to pay full price for avocados. There's no avocado card.

There's no avocado black card. There's no avocado black card. There's no avocado black card. I have to just go line up like everybody else and pay full price. It's ridiculous. Don't you hate it when you line up for an avocado? Imagine you having to pay your own way into this shit podcast. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's a great podcast. That's why you're saying avocados are shit. If you're comparing them to... They're great, absolutely. I'm going to get you one of these days I'm going to get you June 30, they are my favourite What? Oh, June 30, June 30, okay

And then you're up for anything Actually, I can't remember Oh, you're a fruit agent Some other fruit could poach you Yes Oh, that's good If anyone here works for Grapes

Grapes I don't want something that works I want the fruit itself. What would be your dream fruit to be corporate shill for? Avocados, right? Yeah, avocados. Until June 30. Until June 30.

Until June 30. After June 30, in the next business financial year, what are you looking for? At this point, I'm not going to ask. Where's the real money? Where's the most money coming from? Did they show you a graph with the performance of avocados since you came on board?

Oh, yeah. We're so into this. You know what actually happened? I came on. Have you been blamed for anyone not being able to buy a house because you encouraged them to buy avocados?

You know what happened? I came on, then suddenly there was literally an oversupply of avocados and the price dropped. So it's real cheap right now. Well you know who did that,

didn't you? I heard that inside of the Daily Mail journalist room they boycotted. Because I was so inspired by the idea of buying him an

instant stock eating avocados. July 1st, you should start hawking carrots. Be like Jordan taking up baseball. Oh, yeah. Carrots.

That went really badly. That went so... That went so badly. That went appallingly. Well, luckily this isn't even being recorded. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to cut that bit out. Oh, that was a good laugh. Leave that bit in. Thank God I edit this. I was talking about Jordan playing baseball. I thought the joke was fine. Yeah, I was going to say, don't start a precedent saying things went bad

or we don't have a podcast. That would be the entire hour. No, no, this is a good podcast. Oh, thanks, man. Thanks, Guy. This is quality. What do you reckon? Did you have a bit of a podcast?

Well, I'd say it's always a bad sign when one of the guests out loud says, this is a good podcast. Has doing this one been better or worse than when you were on a Zoom window in lockdown with no career opportunities on the horizon? Well, considering I have absolutely no fucking memory of that whatsoever, this has been way better. All right, what else can we talk about?

Do we have any more ads? Oh, yeah, should we do one more ad? One more word from our sponsor. Well, we haven't got one sale yet, so surely one more ad can do the trick. Surely this is going to push it over the line. Please, one more time, welcome to Sage. Yep.

The dulcet tones of Oliver Clarke. I saw you looking at my crutch then. Thank you. So much to see, so much to do. Hey, can you stick to advertising our thing instead of... Is that how you guys do it? It's as creamy as an avocado. Yeah, he's from the internet.

If it isn't MrGay.com himself. Oh, no. Want to be a man of mystery? Wear the new-ish I Got Milan t-shirt You know it's not going well when he starts putting clothes over the top of it And have people wonder

questions about you like what does I Got Milan mean? Or I wonder if his mum makes him pay rent to still live at home. Or what a cunt? The new I Got Milan t-shirt now now newly discounted, only $15.

Or $2 for $30 from Who Gives a Fuck? Thank you, Oliver Clarke. I have an announcement. I have an announcement. I have been on the show. Episode 232.5. Will, Dill and Mill. Fuck you. Oh, God.

Wow. Woo. That's that. Wow. You just got Milan'd. Yeah, I got Milan'd. That does explain how we've got to double figures on sales. $15 now in the web store, guys.

What's that doing for any of you? Can't see a single person on their iPhone. Here we go. This is going to be, I mean, this is up your alley. This guy's doing it. Oh, he's on his phone. He's doing it. Two people.

Against his will, I might add. He's on his phone and he's still on it. Two people. He's on his phone. Against his will, I might add. He's on his phone and he's Googling comedy near me. It's two people on their phones and they're texting each other to ask if they should leave. What are you doing later slash now? Oh, God. Okay. All right. Is that about it?

Well, I reckon that is going to... You're doing it? You're buying a shirt? Oh, he's done it. Two shirts! He's done it as well. Yes. Pay it forward.

This whole thread has been worth it. Two sales. Yeah. Two sales that still don't add up to the full cost of the T-shirt before we start the gig. So that's what it's all about, folks. Was that more than you paid W? Let's not think about anything. Was that more than you paid W?

Let's not think about anything, right? You should get that on a T-shirt. Yeah. As we say here at the end of every week, let's not think about anything. Let's not think about anything. That should be, fuck, 650 episodes in, we finally got a summation of the show. Let's not think about anything. All right. 650 episodes in, we finally got a summation of the show.

Let's not think about anything. All right, guys, that is going to do us for another week. Please give a big round of applause. Guy Montgomery, Nazeem Hussain, Ed Gamble. Thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Whoa, Bernard. I liked the sweet sound of that ball coming off your toe.

Yep. Good shit. It was... I hope that all made sense in the room. We were a little bit visual. I hope that all... I'm sure it sounded crisp because we... As we said, we've got a new tech there for that episode. Hopefully it comes back this week for the next one.

We do have another one. What is it? Saturday, April the 22nd. A couple of tickets left. He brought the full rig in. Oh, man. I don't know if you... Oh, you probably didn't catch this.

Him having a struggle up the stairs and outside the venue with it. Yeah. This gigantic fucking... It was huge. Hard to describe. Yes. Massive, massive box on one of those little wheeler it. Yeah. This gigantic fucking, hard to describe. Yes. Massive, massive box on a little, on one of those little wheeler things. Right.

He was legitimately struggling to get it down the little bump up into the venue. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The little step onto the street. Yep. So, yeah, shout out to him for doing that. Josh. Josh, yeah. Our Tech the Week Before literally turning up

with nothing. Not even a laptop. Just his boxing gloves. No, I shouldn't say that. His phone. Yeah. His phone and that was it.

And a bunch of excuses. Yep. Yep. So, yeah, hopefully Josh comes back and we get him again because

you've heard a bit of this and I believe it's a good recording. Yeah. And I certainly didn't feel like I needed to fight this guy at any stage. So that's a big step up. He recorded Josh Earle's podcast as well. Yeah.

And he sent an email to both of us with just a Dropbox link to like here's the shows I recorded. Yeah. And Josh's podcast was labelled Comedy Set 1 and ours was labelled Comedy Set 2. Okay. I like that it's just like at no point has he gone, I'm not taking in the names of this.

Yeah, fair enough. I don't know or care what any of this was. He did a good job. And on top of that, there was another show in the venue 15 minutes later so i was like we finish and he's got this big convoluted setup and it's like now pack it up and get the fuck out of here yep we got other shit to do absolutely gets outside with all his gear it's raining yep yeah we've moved on i'll go fucking another show mate yeah that's it see ya i got a birthday party to get to fuck Fuck off. Yes. So much fun.

What do we have to say off the back of that? Thanks to our guests. Go and see Guy Montgomery around the country. Go and see Ed Gamble around the country. Yep. Naz doesn't have much going on. Get some M&Ms. Yeah.

Someone gave me something. Thank you to whoever the listener was that came in, that went to one of those M&M shows. And I must have talked about it on the show before, that I love M&Ms, and came in with a to one of those M&M's shows. And I must have talked about it on the show before that I love M&M's. And came in with a big old bucket of them. I chucked them in my bag, forgot about them. Yesterday, woke up, was doing my intermittent fasting,

going, fuck, I've got to walk up to the supermarket and get some food. Then I saw them and went, how about I break my like 18-hour fast with M&M's instead and just made myself not feel well. That's good. Yeah. Ate a whole cup full of M&M's.

Oh, a cup. Yes. Yummy. A big plastic cup full of them. Yep. Great. So I'm not blaming that all on you, whoever gave me that. But a significant portion of the blame going to this person.

You made me eat them. Yeah. Yep. The Milan t-shirts as well. Yes. They're available on the website, littledumdumclub.com. They are still at that- Heavily discounted. Heavily discounted price of $15.

Well, good reference for you, Tommy. These shirts are going to be like the Atari 2600 ET games. Yeah. If they don't sell, they're going to be just buried in the desert somewhere. That would be cool if we went out and did that. Just a big elephant graveyard in the middle of, I don't know, out in St Albans or something like that. Future generations stumble across them.

This podcast is part of the... It's been shot into space. A real collector's item. And speaking of that, we had... It's not like we really involved... Milan was obviously at the gig, but we didn't set anything up with him.

And he was just jumping on stage during that show. And at no stage did we ask him to do that or anything like that. I think we did ask him to model them. Yeah, just to wear one so we could see what it looked like. And he just kept hopping up. But my point being was, the ad reads right. So what he did, he had a few beers before the show. Then he got excited about it, jumped up.

Every time he jumped up, if you listen to the ad reads, I'm sure that with the context of everyone listening to it at home, the insults that are in the ad reads aim towards the listeners of this podcast, right? Yeah. Every time he hopped up, there would be something said in the ad reads. And then he's like, hey, why did you fucking say that about me it's like yeah i can't you you jumped on stage and were on stage when something was said about someone else that doesn't mean it's about you he came up to me after the show and was like i don't fucking live

with my mom yes why are you telling people i live with my mom yes i'm like i didn't do anything yes that's all i heard i was busy fucking around with my headset mike yeah i don't have the time to be worrying about where you live that's all i heard about all the rest of the day all the next day i'm still hearing about it now i talk i rang him last night to talk to him about it and then at the end of it all he's like oh it's just a joke i'm just joking like no cunt no you're not you were too pissed you didn't remember properly what the context was go back and fucking listen to it no one has said

you live with your mum no one said it at all in fact the canon of the show is you're an eccentric Serbian billionaire we don't then go

yeah he's a billionaire he lives with his mum it makes no fucking sense now go have your little whores bath down at Frankston Beach yes that's the bit you should be concerned with yeah exactly the stupid ass fucking story I told about you whores bath down at Frankston Beach. Yes.

That's the bit you should be concerned with. Yeah, exactly. The stupid ass fucking story I told about you doing that. That's the bit where we make you sound homeless, but we're not disputing that. Great stuff. Yeah. So anyway, if you see Milan, now that he's annoyed me so much about this thing, the new canon is Milan lives with his mum. If you see him, don't ask for a shot, don't ask for a drink or anything.

Say, how's your housemate, your mum, going? Say hi to your mum for me. Yeah, at home. Yeah. Roll over and say hi to your mum for me. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Walk up the stairs and say hi to your mum. When you get up for breakfast and you say, where's my toast?

Say hi, mum, at the same time. Yeah. For all of us, not just for you. Well, speaking of saying hi to people. Yes. Of course, one way that you can say hi to us is by giving us a little bit of money. Monetarily. At patreon.com slash little dum-dum club.

You get access to the Patreon page where I guess you could comment on a post that we've put there and say hi. Nice. That would be and say hi. Nice. That would be cool to do. Yeah. You get two bonus episodes. The major feature. Yeah, exactly. You get two bonus episodes every week where we say hi back to you in the episode.

Yeah. Please, if you're not paying for our Patreon, do not say hi to us. Don't say hi to us. Not allowed. Forbidden. No. And, you know, most importantly, you go into the draw to get your name read out at the end of an episode of Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Oh, my goodness. The dream. Where we will, in fact, we'll say hi to you. Yes. In this section, if your name comes out. Let's make a note of this, Tommy. Let's say hi to these people. Okay.

One by one. All right. Let's see. First cap off the rank. Thank you very much. A patron subscriber. Thank you to Sally Gagay. Sally Gagay. Sally Gagay. That's G

E A G E A. Is this is this hmm. Is this me coming out in a haunted house? I'm Gagay. Gagay. Just someone in...

Someone was too scared to come out while they were on this mortal coil, but now they're freed from those shackles. Well, you know, it's like their wealthy uncle has died. Right. The mansion is going to be theirs if they can spend a night in it, but apparently it's haunted.

But with a ghost that's going to suck you off. Yeah, sure. Well, not... Yeah. Probably not with the first name Sally, though. How are you feeling today, by the way? I feel like I'm... You've got a little blanket draped over your lap.

Yes. I feel like I'm visiting a sick little boy. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what happened? I got up and I got dressed to exercise and then I didn't. And so I've got shorts on and I feel a bit... It's really nanocore what you're going for. Yeah.

I'm last week of festival. I didn't sleep very well last night. I had some things on my mind and just did not sleep well. So that's why I'm a little bit fragile. Yeah. Just tired. I'm just tired. Yeah, I've gotten up today and then just as we were sitting here, I'm like, why am I so tired?

It's 11am. Yeah. I feel like, I feel myself crashing and I have no idea why. I slept all right last night. Yeah. I'm like, oh, what's going on? I haven't had enough uh vegetables lately i think i'm gonna blame it on that that's i mean that's a hundred percent my issue for sure yeah yeah i

need a bit more greenery and i could have done with another hour of sleep or so yeah yeah just that thing you know when you've got it's almost you know what i had last night it was almost like that thing where you have a like a.m. flight to catch, and that's not a sleep that is a good sleep. Yeah, yeah. There's some sort of internal natural alarm clock in you that's like, don't fucking go too deep. You need to get up. Yeah, you just have that fear.

And then even if you drift off for a bit, you wake up again, and you're just like a bit disoriented, and you're like, oh, my God, is it 10 a.m. and I've missed my alarm? I woke up. Because what I've been doing, I've been sleeping a lot with the eye mask on. Yeah, good. And it's good. Like it does help you get to sleep.

But it does mean that when you get up, it's very discombobulated because you have that couple of seconds of like it could still be dark or it could be like midday. Also, I think it really helps with that deeper sleep and then you get up and you're actually still deep in the sleep, and you're like, fuck, maybe I should have had a lighter sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true.

I mean, there is something to be said for like if you just sleep. Like I had an ex of mine had no blinds on her window. Jesus Christ. She'd be like, I like to, when it's light, I get up. You know, treating it like. As long as you do it the other way around. It's like when it's dark, go to well it's yeah she never was she turned in like midnight 1 a.m and then up at six absolutely brutal stuff staying over there no um like friends of mine went camping

the other weekend and one of my friends was like on the saturday annoyed that they he's like i thought we were all gonna have a big one and they're like man it's it's 11 p.m it got dark at five and we've been drinking since midday yeah like we're camping none of us are going to work yes like this is a big one we've been on it for 11 hours yeah but it's like it's dark and there's no like electricity it's time to go to bed yeah when you submit yourself to the wilderness you you go onto the you go onto the universe the world clock man i try and think of myself like when you know growing up in mirabai where it's like shops are shut at six o'clock nothing's like the fish shop might be open till 7 30 that's about it yeah you go home there's no internet there's a tv will go until about 10 30

oh yeah it's like, you just can't. You'd be hard-pressed to stay up until midnight because there's no fucking reason to do it. Yeah. There's literally nothing to fucking. You'd have to be trying so hard to stay up until 12. I do like the idea of trying to do that for a bit, just recalibrate my body and literally do that. It's like, as soon as it's light, I'm up.

And not long after it's dark, I'm in bed. I just like being up too much. Yeah. Fuck, I love just still be like reading a book and then looking at my phone and being like, it's 12.30am and being like, hell yeah. I've still got half an hour in the air. I've still got it. Yeah.

Just being like, just feeling like, yeah, I'm still not really tired. I wonder what time it is. Checking the time. Nudging 1am. It's like, this is fucking awesome. No, that's not loving it absolutely love it 12 is 12 is my limit because i know it's gonna i'm gonna have a bad sleep after anything after 12 i'm not gonna have a good sleep yeah i like to be i like to have the book up and then just be physically feel myself shutting down and be like okay oh you're like it's time you're like blanket it's's like she sits there with the iPad for half an hour and it's like,

yeah, you don't have to go to sleep. Just enjoy your iPad. And then like coming back half an hour later and she's just holding you in front of her face but completely asleep. Yeah. Oh, well, I guess the Teen Titans have fucking lulled you off. Well, that is it. I mean, that's when you're a baby, you're like, yeah,

you're not thinking like, okay, time for me to get some shut-eye. And it's the same with, you know, my dog. He runs around and then he's all of a sudden just like, okay, time for me to get some shut-eye. It's the same with my dog. He runs around and then he's all of a sudden just like, okay, body's shut and out. He'll look at you and you'll just see him go, ugh, and conk out. It is just a specifically human adult thing of going, okay, I'm going to lie down and close my eyes and hope that I can induce sleep. Well, it's also a very human thing to try not to go to sleep as well. Yeah, it's true. Stay up till all hours.

Yeah. Well, thanks for thoroughly spooking us with your monetary contributions, Sally. Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga. Yeah, thanks, Sally. Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga. Yes. We've been scared straight. Yeah.

Absolutely. Thanks, Sally. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Mitch Bowman. Okay. B-O-W-M-A-N. Ah, okay. Yeah.

Back in the day he would have been one of those guys the ancestors with the fingers that get chopped off by the enemies. You know that story?

I don't know that, no. Like back in the Middle Ages or whatever if you were like a bowman if you were like a bowman, if you were like a guy with a bow and arrow, they used to go and the enemies would chop their, what's that called, the index? Yeah, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you couldn't do bowing anymore. Because you can't do it with a pinky, can you? I guess not. It's a very effeminate bowman. Very dainty. You'd have to learn. Well, you'd have to learn. Shooting arrows into cups of tea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd have to, well, you'd have to learn. Shooting arrows into cups of tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd have to learn. You'd have to just be like, well, you know, the idea that that would make you just stop bowing forever. Yeah. When really it'd be like, all right, it's time to. Just chop the hands off. Just, or something else, you know.

Just make sure. Because otherwise you're going to turn into a left-handed. Yeah. Kill them, kill yourself. Why is that more honourable? Like mutilating a person. Yeah. More honourable than just like slicing their head off. Yeah. Kill them. Kill yourself. Why is that more honourable? Like, mutilating a person. Yeah. More honourable than just, like, slicing their head off.

They're the enemy. Yeah. You want them dead anyway. Yeah. If you're, like, straight up on the battlefield. Back then, no jury's ever going to convict you. So, it doesn't matter. Well, what is the rule?

It's like, if it's on the battlefield, then that's fair enough that you've been killed. But if you've been captured, is it, it's like some agreement where it's like, well, that's not in the spirit of things. Yeah, you're not sure if they had UNICEF back then, so I'm not sure what they dealt with back then, but hopefully that didn't happen to Mitch, and over the centuries, that didn't become like a family thing

where they just grew up without any fingers. Yeah. At all. Stumpy. That didn't become like a family thing where they just grew up without any fingers. Yeah. At all. Just every... Stumpy. I quite like... That's a good idea. I like that concept because you know that idea of like sometimes girls will get cosmetic

surgery and all of a sudden they'll get to a degree where they've turned from a six into a nine or whatever. Yeah. And like sometimes it's hard to tell and you go, oh, wow, that girl really looks like that. And then they have a door and go, whoa, what happened there? It's the real, yeah, it's the reveal. Yeah, that's where you're coming from.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, speaking of stumps on hands, I'm sure I've told this before, but this has burned into my memory. When I was at uni, I had a lecturer who had a stump finger. Yeah. And he would – this is how long ago it was. He would use the overhead projector.

What was that, uni? That's how long ago it was. Yeah. He had the overhead projector. Oh, yeah, nice. Which really ages me in the story. Overhead projector. And he would kind of gesture at things with the

stump like he would use the stump finger to point out things on the overhead projector oh yeah so you're just seeing this big silhouette of this like gank hand with like yeah just one just it's like yeah use your other hand yeah use your pinky yeah like get a little stick here's the thing in comedy that i hear a lot i'm sure you've heard a lot but i can't relate to when comedians love pulling out the reference of oh you know when you get harold the giraffe come around in the van and teach you about sex and stuff it's like as soon as any comedian brings that up the whole crowd goes oh yeah fuck yeah i never had anything like that.

And I never heard of anyone else in Maribor. We never had a van like that. It was just behind the shelter sheds figuring out shit. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm in the wheelhouse of people who lights up when I hear that reference. Right, right. Which, yeah, when you actually put it down onto paper, it is bizarre. This van showed up at your school.

You're like eight. You get ushered in there. You go into this dark little van and a puppet giraffe teaches you about fucking. Wow. I mean, I wish. That sounds good now that you spell it out. I wish I had that. Compared to how you learnt.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it was still in a dark van. Still someone using something as a finger popper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, yep. There was a hand up somewhere. There must have been. I mean, nowadays, obviously, everything's so different in regards to that.

But I wonder, in that era, whether it was having to, like, did they have to liaise with our parents and go, now, look, here's this thing that is happening at school today. Just so when your kid comes home and tells you this, don't immediately leap to this is a memory that someone has invented in their head. Don't start screaming at the mention of a van. Keep listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They must have had to give the parents a heads up. Because otherwise, like, kid coming home and being like, yeah, yeah, I was just learning about sex in a van that was pulled up at the front of the school. It's okay, though. There was a puppet there. It was all right. There was someone teaching me with a long neck with a little head on the end of it. Sorry?

No, it was a giraffe. Oh, okay. I'm sure if they called it a giraffe, sure. Yeah, but there must have been at least one occasion where it's like, the school do not inform the parents of this. Parents get on the blower and go, what the hell is going on? I think absolutely if that happened right now. I think back then, okay, that's fucking, I'm sure my parents, if that had happened, my parents wouldn't have kicked up with us at all. They would have been like, okay, is that what happens at school now?

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys know better than us. True. Yeah. But I mean, you guys know better than us true yeah but i mean you now any kind of yeah you would have to be so careful as a teacher about like just knowing that a kid is going to go home and like interpret something how they interpret it look and you're called in yeah look uh you know the world hasn't gone mad but it's a thing where if

i pick up blanket sometimes we'll get a call it's like oh you need to come and sign this form it's like what for it's like because she fell over and you need to like waver that and all that stuff i'm like okay yeah did you did you fucking clothesline my child no no she fell over she slept on the grass and fell over okay well it's not a big that's on her i guess like well i got you know i've got friends who are teachers and they're like can't hug him you could like you know really upset, your instinct is like, hey. It's like, you can't touch them. You can't touch them in any way because that might get turned into something. And you are told to like stay the fuck away.

And it's like, good Lord. A tiny, tiny little example that in the last couple of days where it's like, you know, you get mollycoddled a bit, I guess, by teachers that can't do or say anything or whatever it is. And at the moment, Blanket doesn't like her teacher very much. And it's like, what was that? It's like because she won't eat enough lunch at school and so they're encouraging her to eat. She's being a fussy eater and it's like, yeah, I hate school now because they tried to make me eat a carrot one day. Okay.

All right. Well, I guess you're homeschooled from now on. But the only thing is you're eating fucking four carrots a day from now on. Yep. Yep. Yep. But thanks, Mitch Bowman. Thanks.

Thanks, Bowie. Thanks. That certainly was a long Bowman to get that back to your name. Yeah. Yeah. The fucking sex giraffe eating carrots. Yep. Mitch Bowman. Classic Mitch Bowman to get that back to your name. Yeah. Yeah. The fucking sex giraffe eating carrots. Yeah. Classic Mitch Bowman.

Speaking of kids things being misinterpreted, I'm looking at a child's book that's on your table here that has the word big flaps on the front. Oh, really? Give us a look. Oh, yeah, that's a good book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bet. Yeah. That is a good book. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll bet.

Yeah. That is a good book. Big flaps. 100 first words. Yeah. With big flaps to lift. Yeah. I chose that book.

That looks cool. I'm a good book chooser, I think. It's good. You like the illustrations. It's good. And it's one of those good ones where there's just so many pictures of little animals and stuff that you can go point at and go, what's that? And we just get to learn what all that bullshit is.

I'd love to work on a kid's book. I'd love to do some little doodles. Well, you're a comedian. I know. You know that's the next step. You know what, though? Little Tommy and the big fart from his dick. You know what, though?

I just have a thing in my head rightly or... Actually, let's read the next name and then we'll just get into it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jonathan Hoarder. Hoarder? Well, you're not too good at hoarding because we got some of it off you. Yeah. Well, it just makes you think if that's what he's given out, how much has he got in that Scrooge McDuck style money pit in his house.

Comedian writing a kid's book, you know, whatever, fair. There's a lot of it. Very common. Very common. But it's like. It's, it's very, very strong odor of, hey, if we can make adults laugh, making kids laugh is a fucking piece of piss because they're sort of fucked in the head. Their brains are so tiny.

Yeah. This will be easy. And we know that kids love farts. Easy. Let's do that. And, and that's, and and that's that also that logic makes sense to me it's like you can be funny you can be silly you've got you've sort of got the tool set there and especially this is the thing i find weird especially like if you've got a kid it's like okay well you're around a kid a lot you're like telling them stories you're making stuff up like you are tapped into that brain. It's the comedian writing the kid's book that doesn't have a kid.

Yes. That's one I find a little – I find that a little – Have you seen a recent one of that? Sure. I saw one the other night and I was like, hang on, what the fuck's going on here? Yeah, yeah. Let's talk about it off air.

Yeah, yeah. There just is because I would, yeah, I would like to write a kid's – it's like, yeah, you know, you tap into that part of your creativity that there is an easy link to stand up where you're being silly, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. But there's something about it to me where it feels like you're – You don't have the ghetto pass.

You're crossing – You're not allowed to say the N-word if you aren't. Right. You're crossing the – You're somehow like crossing the picket line or something. Yeah. If you're not allowed to say the N-word if you aren't. Right. You're somehow crossing the picket line or something if you're not. And truth be, I would like to try it. I think I could probably write a decent-ish one, but there's something about it that feels a bit off.

I agree. Put yourself into that arena if you're not like, at the very least, having the test audience to be like, hey, check this out. I completely agree. Yeah. Because, yeah, I've read, you know you know there are it's not that easy i've got good kids books and bad kids books and you think oh there it wouldn't be that hard and they're not all that different but i'll tell you what there's stickability some of those books in there like my mom's giving me ones

that she's just bought at aldi and gone oh they look colorful and you read the book and go we are never reading that book again. That book fucking sucks. Well, there's a reason why something like, you know, Where the Wild Things Are has endured for like decades at this point. You know, the classics are like always going to be the classics. It's not like, you know, film and music and certain things can kind of like fall out of vogue with like a modern audience.

But like a solid kid's book is going to entertain a kid of any generation. Yeah, yeah. No, I completely agree. There's some absolute chances out there. You got any Busytown? You got any Richard Scarry going on in this house? No, we don't. Yeah, get some Scarry.

Yeah, you're right. That was always my favourite when I was a kid, the little show with the little worm driving the apple car. Yeah, you're right. That was always my favorite when I was a kid. You know what? The little show with the little worm driving the apple car. Yeah, totally. I really liked this book that, as a kid, I thought was just like this popular book. And I went looking for it. And you can't buy it anywhere. And I'm like, we obviously just had one copy of it in our school library.

Yeah, right. And I just thought, everyone's got this book. And then I find out no one has this book. Yeah, right. And I found it on YouTube. I just found a woman reading, like turning the pages of a book and then i like busted onto uh onto blanket and then she's like loves it now and now we're just getting on youtube what's the book it's called the biggest sandwich ever okay and you can't find it on like ebay or anything like that it's so hard and it's like

you're you're paying 100 bucks for a copy or whatever it is. I'm trying to think. It's on fucking YouTube. That's fine. Yeah. I'm trying to think what were the ones I loved. It's fucking good.

It's a good book. Yeah. Some cunt builds a fucking sandwich as big as an office block. It's fucking pretty cool. That does ring a bell. They get

and they get airplanes to like put you know chuck butter and jam and shit on it from above. Yeah. It's good. I mean the logic of it it's hard to follow to get airplanes to like put um you know chuck butter and jam and shit on it from above yeah it's good i i mean the logic of it i i it's hard to follow but three people eat this sandwich that's as big as a fucking office block it takes them like a day i i do agree with you that like yeah

the like not to say that i like i'm saying i can understand the link of like a comedian like why they would make a good children's book author but at the same time yeah i agree with you that it's like the number of them that there are probably a lot of them are rot like just assuming yeah yeah and then uh the little guy goes over here and he does this like you think about the ones that really stuck out to you when you're a little kid there's like there's some extra element it's not just like little kid goes on an adventure it's like yeah making a sandwich that's the size of an office block yeah that's cool that's funny that's funny and creative it's not just like ah he's a little he's a little fucking guy and a little thing someone's done a

little fart over here and off he goes yeah yeah yeah it's oh you know what so i've i i do a thing at uh i was doing a thing at bedtime a lot of times where we stopped reading book books and I was just making up stories. Yep, doing crowd work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just going, we go to bed and to convince her to go to bed, it'd be like, all right, we're doing four stories tonight and I'd just be freewheeling.

But the funny thing is, so to get her attention, I'd put her in the story every time. Great. And I'd be trying to think of like, and she loves Crunchy, our cat. So then the cat would have to go in there. You've got to do whatever you can to keep attention. Yep.

So I'd be pulling out four or five stories a night. I'd be sitting there going, fuck, what else can we get up to in these stories? Anyway, what I really like at the moment is she's decided she wants to tell me stories, but she's telling me stories that she's clearly made up, but she's saying, to keep my attention, she's like, I had a big dream last night, Daddy,

and then we'll tell these made-up stories. But it's pretty good. She told me yesterday one where she goes, yeah, but she prefaces every dream story with the same way I would tell story stories to her. So she go, I have a really good dream last night. Okay. What, what happened blanket?

She go, okay, I'll tell you. Once upon a time I was in bed having a dream. Okay. This happened. Great. You don't need once upon a time. Yeah. This is, yeah.

Yeah. Just start. The time was yesterday, last night. Yeah. Not once upon a time yeah this is yeah yeah just start the time was yesterday last night yeah not once upon a time yeah but uh she she got me a good one and she got this massive reaction off me because the story was once upon a time i was in bed and there was a knock on the door so i went and got a key and i opened the door and then i and when i opened it there was a ghost and i'm like oh my god no i'm good good good guy she goes there's a ghost and then the ghost pulled the i pulled the blanket off i pulled the sheet off and it was crunchy and like that's a great story yeah that's a great dream yeah and

i was like oh my god i can't believe you structured that story that's awesome and she's like yeah i've got another i've got another dream once upon a time, there was a knock on the door, and so I got the key and I unlocked it, and there was a monster there. And I pulled his head off, and it was Crunchy. I'm like, okay. All right. All right. Yeah.

Anything else happen? Yeah. Oh, yeah, there was a dog at the door. Oh, God, don't tell me. She's a fucking hack already seeing the comedy festival show and it's like there's 20 minutes from last year and yeah yeah pulled the head off the dog yep it was crunchy yeah yeah so i'm like oh right she hates crunchy yeah no she loves crunchy's a super villain crunchy's just you know crunchy's like

crunchy's like every bad guy in scoobyDoo in one. You know what it is? It's like the classic comedian that doesn't have enough going on in their life. So they're like, okay, this is what happened this year. Fuck, not much. That's blanket. Not enough life experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just everything's about Crunchy because Crunchy's the only person in the house

apart from me and mum. Yeah, this is a lockdown show. Yes. Oh, yeah, you know when you fucking drink a beer. Yep. Yep. Yep. Anyway.

Thanks, Jonathan Horder. Thanks, Horder. For being a little bit not as hoardery with the Adelarines. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber

Sammy Albadri. Hmm. Hmm. I've seen this name on the socials. I think this is a Queensland-based person. Oh, yeah. I think this guy does comedy. Is that right?

Yeah, I'm going to look this prick up. I was going to say, I thought this guy rings a bell in terms of, I know he's got something to do with Kappa and Queensland. That's all I know. Yeah. Not two great things that you want said about you, but... with Kappa and Queensland. That's all I know. Okay. Yeah. Not two great things that you want said about you, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sorry about that.

Yeah, there he is. Is he bending... Yeah, he's from Toowoomba. Is he bending a banana? No, he's on stage at the Oasis Comedy Club. Oh, no. What's with that? Oh, just a...

I just feel bad that we're outing a a working comedian as someone that would subscribe to this show yeah well he doesn't follow me so that's something okay oh that's good all right that's so he's not he just gives you money he's not a complete yeah i mean he gives you money but he can't be fucked viewing your content for free. Yeah. I mean, that's... Look, if you had to pick one. Yes. Oh, absolutely. It's like that classic thing of like, oh, well, all the followers, what does it add up to?

Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd rather have 100 followers and earn a million bucks a month than be fucking viral and not paying rent. Rather be rich than famous. Sure. I'll cop that. Yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. Well, if everyone can do that look i'm happy for everyone to unfollow us on all platforms as long as they pay for it yeah yeah yeah that would be good that would be good if you had a thing yeah people once they follow you on instagram if they want if they click that button yeah a little paypal comes up hey that actually would be good if you good. If you're happy to do that, I will quite happily block you. If you can subscribe on Patreon to us, I'll make sure you never see

any sort of visual audio content. None of my little comics or fucking stories of what I'm eating. Just pay us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You don't even have to listen to this podcast anymore.

Just give us money for existing. Yes. I mean, Joe, that is very common online now, the people having the link in their profile. What's the app that's like the website that's like buy me a coffee? Yeah. Hey, man, I'm just working hard on my little tweets. If you want to just give me five bucks.

You know what I like is a new little thing. Since lockdown, you know, I became more of a fan of vloggers. Yep. And I'm still doing a bit of that. But I do notice them going, oh, yeah, get on Patreon and support us. And I look at these guys and they've got like 80,000, 100,000, 120,000 subscribers on YouTube. I'm like, oh, my God, they must be kicking off on Patreon. You go over to Patreon.

Ah, 12 subscribers. Have you? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You know why? You left it all on the battlefield up there on YouTube, I'm like, oh my God, they must be kicking off on Patreon. You go over to Patreon, ah, 12 subscribers, have you? Okay. Yeah, you know why? You left it all on the battlefield up there on YouTube. There's nothing more to see. Yep. It is hard. There's no reason.

It is hard. Yeah, so, but I assume on YouTube they get more revenue on ads, advertisements and stuff like that. Yeah, if you're doing numbers like that, you're doing fine. I think. I think once you get to 80,000, you've that. They probably, yeah. If you're doing numbers like that, you're doing fine. Surely. I think. I think once you get to 80,000, you've got to be doing all right. We had some of our videos for Filthy Casuals. YouTube went through a big thing where they were like, they changed their standards.

They're like what they would flag as offensive comment. And we had a bunch of our videos get demonetized. So, like, we couldn't have ads on them because we chucked a c-bomb in there and they were like this is hate speech and they had it like they had literally listed alongside like the n-word we're like i mean that is a tough pill to swallow as an australian like surely you can listen to the accent and be like ah it's just a different word over there wow so we had to like argue with them and be like, can you not demonetize us? Like this isn't, at the very least, can you not say that this is in league with being,

you know, a skinhead? Yes. That's pretty, it's pretty tough. But yeah. Yeah. I think they came to their senses. Good on them. Enough Australians complained.

Good on you. I'm now getting to the point where I'm watching YouTube enough where I remember a couple of years ago, someone going, oh, I'm on, what's the service? You get RedTube Blue or Red or something where you don't get the ads? You mean YouTube Red? Yeah. Yeah. Is that what it's called?

Yeah. Yeah. Where you pay YouTube and you don't see any of the ads. Yeah. I remember people talking about that and going, you fucking nerd. Imagine paying for free. Just put up with a couple of ads and now I'm watching enough about that and going, you fucking nerd. Imagine paying for free. Just put up with a couple of ads and now I'm watching enough where I'm like,

oh, okay, I get it now. Oh, 100%. Like, I think because back then it used to be, I don't know. I still think that person back there is an idiot, but I now think I'm an idiot for being close to getting it. That's all. Well, it is.

I mean, you know, if you're like describing, if you're telling someone about something and you're like, oh, have you not seen it? Oh, and you get your is. I mean, you know, if you're like describing, if you're telling someone about something and you're like, oh, have you not seen it? Oh, and you get your phone out and, you know, you're at the pub like trying to show them something funny and then you're having to sit through a two-minute Hungry Jacks ad. It really does take the wind out of your sails. It's like if you're trying to like just quickly show someone something funny,

it's like, oh, this is a drain. But just in your day-to-day life, it's like. But then conversely, I kind of think about how with Netflix, they've now launched a thing where you can pay a bit less and get ads. And with that, I just go, just pay for fucking Netflix. You know what I mean? Like, to me, that's just like, have some self-respect. Just pay for the shows.

You don't need to sit there and have ads all the way through it i don't know i'm i'm fine with all of it i i just dislike myself more now for being like oh i'm this is a sign i'm watching too much youtube where i have that as a problem yeah that's all that's fair i shouldn't be watching i mean i hardly yeah i fucking i'm hardly ever on youtube i hardly ever watch anything on it well i never watch man i i've probably said this before but like, but we've got a couple of streaming services, including Disney, and we only have Disney for... What's it called?

Frozen. You're going to say, what's it called? My Child. No. No. I mean, if you have a kid, Disney Plus is a no-brainer. Yes. But it's only for Frozen.

So it's like we pay whatever it is 10 bucks a month just for a copy of frozen yeah okay that's crazy that's it yeah that's all but you know she'll discover new stuff as she gets older yeah disney plus i think is the one that you want for a little kid yeah we actually we're gonna get disney plus on the on the ipad that's what we're gonna do i think that's because she just absolutely fucking rattles through Netflix on the iPad. Really? Yeah. What's she watching now?

I told you. You're my... Yeah, but I know kids like, you know, they get bored of stuff quickly, don't they? Yeah. There's nothing new at this point. She's still on that. Teen Titans. There's a very junior version of Teen Titans that she's on at the moment.

And then on... She's now a bit more into Bluey and she's on at the moment. She's now a bit more into Bluey and that stuff on the big TV. Okay. That's like, today I'm sitting, I finally bought an extension cord, this extension cord thing here, so I could actually sit here, do work on the couch, and watch some form of TV. It's very rare to turn it off ABC Kids. Right.

So, yeah. Anyway, let's finish this thing. I want to go to lunch yeah okay uh let's just do one more thank you very much to the final subscriber this week thank you very much to patron subscriber milan lives with his mom comedy oh wow okay yeah so that's confirmed so the fact that comedy's on the end there yeah that confirms that it is a funny thing to have said yes sure he's wrong for getting annoyed. That's absolving ourselves. Yeah.

That's, you know, the legal precedent. Yeah. As long as it's funny, you're not allowed to get in trouble. Yeah, exactly. We can't get sued for saying that. The judge, like, bangs the hammer down onto a tomato. It splats everywhere in the courtroom. That confirms that it's funny by doing another funny thing.

Yep. Yeah. If the joke hits, you must acquit. Yes. All right. Well, thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for any of the remaining tickets to our live stuff coming up.

Get a Milan t-shirt. Yes. Only $15 plus postage to get your little piece of ET cartridge buried in the desert history. Bargain. And we'll see you next time. See you, mates.