The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 655 - Live! Wil Anderson, Dave Hughes & Danielle Walker

Episode Date: April 26, 2023

It's the final week of our month-long stint of live shows in Melbourne, and we've got DAVE HUGHES, WIL ANDERSON and DANIELLE WALKER to bring it home! Tommy continues the gift-giving trend with a surprise for Karl, Hughesy wants to move to America, we dip into the Danielle Walker archives, we host the Grand Final of The Yarn AND we're visited by the Comedy Festival's Best Show award winner! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Dave Hughes, Will Anderson and Danielle Walker. If you want to see more of this madness live, we are up in Brisbane quite soon, Saturday May the 20th, for a big live double episode. Not many episodes left. If you like the sound of the last four weeks, live recordings, man, doesn't it sound like it would be good to be in the room? Go and do that. Oh yeah, check that out, littledumbdumbclub.com. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this live, raucous time with Dave Hughes, Will Anderson, and Danielle Walker. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dastlaw. I'm with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Is your mic on? Is his mic on? Uh-oh. W's got us again. Please, it's David. W is my father.

All right. George W Tech. Yeah. Okay, we're on. We're good. We're good. Yep. I sound significantly louder, but hey, that's all right by me.

Wow. They always say start strong and we say fuck no. Yeah. Start strong, close weak. That's podcasting, baby. Welcome. Yeah, this is the last one in Melbourne. Thanks for coming to the last one in Melbourne.

Give yourselves a round of applause. Yeah. What a great city. It's been awesome being here for the month, but it's time for us to go back to Podcast City after this, after our beautiful month here in your town. So weirded out by your hook turns, we're going home. God, you love cafes here, don't you? Everyone wearing black and a scarf.

It's good gear. It's good gear. I am mentally checked out. I'm gone. Thanks for coming in. We are upstairs at the Basement Comedy Club. We're officially upstairs at Morris House, the rebranded European beer cafe. They said, do you reckon you could get a worse name

than European beer cafe? And I thought, fuck yeah, we got one. Now this is what I call speaking truth to power. We are sitting on the stools, so yeah, why not? Yeah, Morris House, bad name for a pub. I reckon good name for a bloke. That would be cool. Imagine knowing a guy called Morris House.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr House. Please call me Morris. No, that was the original name of the building in the 1800s and they thought, fuck, we'd better get a better name. What is this new Morris House solo show you're trialling up here? What is this? You're like, I've got some stuff for up the top. Some complaints about the name of the venue that we're in

that I've been stewing on for months. Well, what have you got? You go then. What have you got? No, sorry, the original name of the venue. No, no, no. The original name of the building. You interrupted me.

Now where's your stuff? Oh, fuck. All right. Well, okay. So you've been getting gifts most weeks that we've done this show. People have brought you things. And, of course, last week I had my headset mic. And so, look, I've got you a gift.

I wanted to continue the trend in the show. So close your eyes. I want it to be the trend in the show. So close your eyes. I want it to be a nice little surprise. Okay. So keep your eyes closed. This has happened to me before and I didn't like it. Got it hidden back here. Keep your eyes closed.

All right, all right. One, one. That's you. One, one. It doesn't actually work, does it? No, it's on. Oh, okay. So for't actually work, does it? No, it's on. Oh, okay. So for the people at home, Tommy's a cunt.

I have the infamous Elvis-style microphone that has never, ever been used for comedy before and is still not. Oh, God, it's so good. Fuck! There is no one in the front row that is not taking a picture of this

right now. I saw you last week looking at me with the headset mic on getting jealous and I thought just you wait, Mike. Your turn is coming.

You'll get to look like a fucking clown in about seven days' time I reckon. For anyone that just picked this guy this show at random in the Comedy Festival

I welcome you to Little Dumb Dumb Club with Tommy and Roy Orbison. Wow, this guy's this show at random in the comedy festival guide, welcome you to Little Dumb Dumb Club with Tommy and Roy Orbison. Wow, this guy's really funny. And get a load of this. He's white. One for the Elvis fans in the room. Any of y'all

ever hear of this Elvis guy? Oh my god, I have to do this the whole time, don't I? Fucking hell. All right. I hope this is fucking recording. Anyway. So now that you've got the world's greatest mic,

continue with your Morris House rants. The original name of the venue, back in the era when this mic was popular and being used in every venue across the land. Fuck. No, thanks for coming, because when you come into the venue, there's like two shows happening. Stop it!

I think it's good because it's like a rare visual joke that I think will translate to people at home. Because it didn't cost me very much, so I bet it sounds like shit. I bet you're coming through like all tinny on the recording. Everyone's taking a picture of this.

Can someone text me the picture so I know exactly how much I look like? Because I feel very self-conscious and I want to know exactly how much I should. Come on, all you hound dogs, get your cameras out. Snap some photos. Yeah, come on. Come on, send me a picture and let's rock around the clock. Fucking hell. No, you did,

you did have to make a decision. It's funny, it's like, I think when you come into the venue there's two shows happening at the same time and I think this sums up our careers, maybe, Tommy, in that there's a show downstairs,

there's a show up here. You have to make a decision between the two shows because there's a showcase show that I run downstairs. So you either go to the best of Melbourne comedy or you come to see us.

You have to make the call. You can't see both. It's either the best or us. That is a good way of just telling people to go upstairs. You don't even need to have a show on. You just write the best of Melbourne comedy and then an arrow and it's like, well clearly I'm not going in that direction the gig must be upstairs

so here's my idea for next year right because I've run this showcase called best of Melbourne comedy this is what I want to do this year and so I want to get your sign off

for the dum-dum coffers next year at the comedy festival we register we present a show a stand-up show called the worst of Melbourne comedy

okay right I'm listening we do a stand-up show we do a limited run. Yep. Just to find out what sort of fucking dumb cunts

go to a show called that and also what sort of dumb cunts do a gig at a show called that. Yeah. I think it's a great social experiment. I wonder if you could book, if you just like tried to put one on now,

if you just started texting people, if you could fill up a line up by the end of this gig. Because you're right. I mean, people are desperate for spots. Like, you'd get people. I'm trying to think if someone... This is not a joke. Let's do it next week. Yeah, yeah. If someone messaged me and said,

hey, I'm looking for someone for a gig called The Worst of Melbourne Comedy, I'd be like, it's just nice to be asked. It's better to be thought about than not thought about. Exactly. That's what we find out. That's what we find out. Man, I'm excited. I'm Exactly. That's what we find out. That's what we find out. Right. Man, I'm excited.

I'm excited. Unless this is that show already. Yeah. It's making a fair case for it. Well, I mean, look, now that you've got this great new gift, you could have that microphone on stage for the worst of Melbourne comedy. Okay, great. All right, all right.

We'll do that. This is the mic for the worst of Melbourne comedy. That's a great... That's the response you want when you make a joke live on stage. It's just some people in the front row going, ah, yes. We'll do that. This is the mic for the worst development comedy. That's a great... That's the response you want when you make a joke live on stage. It's just some people in the front row going, Ah, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

And taking pictures rather than laughing. Nodding and agreeing. Any photos through yet? Also, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah, I look shit. That looks so bad.

With no context. Fucking hell, what a moron. Man. Fucking hell, what a moron. Man. Oh, the best $70 I've ever spent. And I've got an Amazon membership, so I was able to get it shipped really quickly. Fucking awesome. Also, just good to know how big of a security breach this is

when the phone's just fucking lit up with pictures as well. How many photos did you get? There is eight right there. I notice you finally got Blanket as your wallpaper, replacing what your wallpaper was for the first four years of her life, a photo of you. It's on rotation.

There's four other pictures of me on this. No, I'm not showing you. I'm already wearing this. If I can use this microphone, I don't want to be a complete cunt. But hey, I'm getting a look at her now and it's just for my own... Oh, yeah, that's very funny stuff. Looks like blankets using the Elvis mic. Okay.

Again, welcome to the worst of Melbourne comedy. What a great out. Yeah. Should we get our welcome to the worst of Melbourne comedy. What a great out. Should we get our guests out here? Yes, please. Folks, we have

an amazing line-up today, very excited about this one. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club,

Dave Hughes, Will Anderson and Danielle Walker. Holy shit! Holy shit! Wowee! Now, now, Wowee. Now this.

Imagine the chumps downstairs thinking they're seeing the best of Melbourne comedy. I want to go on at the worst of Melbourne comedy. Fucking prove those assholes wrong. I had that same thought though you're like you know what that is actually a good opportunity if you're shit at

comedy and it's the worst of comedy you're like I could be the best of this group it really takes the pressure off doesn't it

all you really want to be is the best person on the night it doesn't really matter that's good you go on you kill on the book

it goes I don't think I can have you again. You've done too well. You've graduated. There is nothing sweeter than an audience with low expectations. You're a terrible audience. Never forget that.

You might be on to something. Hey, Dave. Hey, Dave, that's you. I'm always complimented. It'd be great to see that pivot for you, though, Husey. Yes, you're the worst crowd I've ever had. I'm going to try that tonight. Just shock them.

Hopefully they start crying. Anyway. This is great, by the way, this microphone. Can we just... I just... Like, I just... It honestly feels like I'm holding a sex toy or something. It feels so weird.

I mean, it shows how little you know about sex toys. What angle is that going in? You're literally like the reverse Abbie Chatfield. But, like, you you finally got a... As in I'm good. You finally got a microphone from the era that your references are from, which is nice. But I also love that this podcast, of all podcasts,

that your live show, where the first five minutes, like your version of the acknowledgement of country, is you fucks yelling at whatever hobo you've got to do sound and smoke and you're like I know what we should do. Every week use a different style of microphone. That'll definitely help the situation.

Doesn't the basement comedy poster have a microphone? No it does not. It does not. I'm pretty sure it does. I'm going to Google that shit. If you are trying to wind me up, you are doing well. Text the photos to Chandler.

It does. It has a similar mic. It does not. Alright, you know what? I brought Valium. I'm having one. Danielle's a fucking major TV star now.

She doesn't need this shit. I'm good. Well, I'll tell you Danielle's a fucking major TV star now. She doesn't need this shit on her. I'll tell you about the backstage convo. Oh, no! Please do not do that. Come on! It's not going to translate at all. That was Will.

Oh, this sounds good. And he cannot twist this. There were two elements. The first one was, Hugh's had no idea about what this mic was about, so Will had to explain the in-joke of the podcast to Hugh's he. And the second one was both of them together, they brought up...

It's going to sound bad. It's going to sound bad when she says it. Two separate male rapist comedians. Hang on, was that us? What? I couldn't explain the mic thing without... And what a beautiful time it was. And Will at one point said,

you know, you would have really loved his style of comedy. He's very similar to you. It started when we were talking about how well her career is going and that she's probably going to be in America before long, so we're sucking up to her. And then Will said, don't get yourself cancelled tonight on this podcast. Right, right. And then I...

So then she said, let's cancel Will and Husey instead. Yeah, I thought, you know that uncomfortable vibe I feel right now? I'm going to give that to you out on stage. As you guys are hanging out in front of the men's dunnies. Women's dunnies out there as well It's 2023 Shusie wants it on record that he was hanging out the front of the women's dunnies It was between the dunnies Go either way with me

To be fair I said I said don't get cancelled. And you backstage accused me of bringing one name up. But I now remember how this conversation, you went down. You said, you said, Bill Cosby is back touring. That's what you said. Yeah, I didn't say it was a good thing.

I didn't say it. But you knew all about the details of how he got out. I had no idea. Will's done a fucking... He's got a thesis on it. How long were you guys back there? By the way, I'm currently Bill Cosby-ing myself. Man, I hope I remember what I do to myself tomorrow morning.

With that microphone. That sex toy that you're holding. I can't believe this shit gets you. This is going to be downloaded, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, yeah. All right. Good.

How long were we up here at the start? This sounds like an hour-long conversation that you guys had. In retrospect, it escalated quickly. No, but it was good, wasn't it? Yeah, we were all right. We were all right. It's fun times. And I felt comfortable.

Yeah. And don't worry, Hughsy, you're a good guy. I'm a good guy. And you too, Will. And we should... Will, let's do the podcast now. Okay. I reckon.

Wow. Fucking, the hierarchy of power has really changed up here. Hey, she's going to America. Jesse made that up in his head too. What the fuck? Did I just want to open for you? I heard a story about you doing a gig in America years ago where you did a gig,

and this is how well respected we are in America. You did a gig at a taco stand outside. Yes. And then you're doing the gig and then you do a couple of jokes and then you start screaming at Australians at the back, tell them, tell them I'm big in Australia, will you? Yeah, well, it was Nick Cody who was at the back of it.

And yes, and he did say he's big and it helped. No, that taco stand, will you have done that taco stand? Yeah, Best Fish Taco. Yeah. It's actually a real good gig. It's a and it helped. No, that taco stand, we would have done that taco stand. Yeah, Best Fish Taco. Yeah. It's actually a real good gig. It's a real good gig. Uni students and whatever they're called over there.

College kids. College kids. Yeah, it was a fun... This version of Statler and Waldorf we've turned into. Was this gig the worst of LA comedy? Look, it was a fine gig. I actually did gigs in LA. You lived in LA, Will.

I was over there just after Christmas and did a few gigs at the Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank. Have you done Flappers? Great name. It's not a strip club. Absolutely. But anyway, they ended up going, well, I did a number of gigs there. There was a news.com story because they want a headline. Dave Hughes is moving to LA.

They fucking write that because they know the comments are going to be. And the first comment, I hope he gets shot over there. What the fuck is wrong with people? Hughes are getting caught in like a gang shootout and getting gunned down. Well, thanks for... By the way, Will and Hughsy, commiserations for missing out on being inducted in the first Australian Comedy Hall of Fame,

by the way, guys, officially. Have we been on stage? Have we talked about this? No, we haven't talked about this. This was terrible. You know what? Fuck. Yeah, this is... The difference is I listened to the podcast, so I was terrible. You know what? Fuck. Yeah, this is...

The difference is I listened to the podcast, so I was aware. I fucking wasn't aware. Do you know what's happening here? Absolutely no idea what's going on. I was getting... I got a phone call from the Warrnambool Standard, a reputable newspaper in my hometown,

saying, you're a chance to be in the Comedy Hall of Fame. I'm like, am I? I had no idea. This will help with my move to America. She said, is it starting in Albury? Where was it starting? Yeah, Albury-Wodonga. And that wasn't a clue at all?

I swear to God, my mum rang me about it. My brother and my sisters rang me about it. It was and my sisters rang me about it. It was a big moment in the Hughes household. Finally, their son or brother is getting the recognition he deserves. Finally. Oh, we might be able to buy a ninth apartment block after this.

One day. I can't remember. I love it. I love the article. I found out. I love the article because there was no comment in it. I love the article. I found out. I love the article because there was no comedy in it. It was literally that your quotes were like, oh, it'd just be really nice to be finally recognised.

So, Danielle, if you haven't cottoned on yet, this was us. We put out the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame because the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was just some dudes who started it. So we were like, well, we could just do that. We're some dudes. Yeah. Give me that mic. Actually, yeah, this could just do that. We're some dudes. Yeah. You with that mic? Yeah.

Actually, yeah, this should be in the rock and roll hall. How many newspapers picked up on it, apart from the Warrnambool stand? I think that was the only one. I think it might have been that. And even the journalists there messaged me going, is this for real? And just me going, yes. In all honesty, I also asked her if it was for real.

I was slightly dubious. I was hoping it was real, but I was slightly dubious. But my parent, my mum... You must have been super distraught to find out it was a fake one and you still didn't win it. I know. I knew I wasn't going to fucking win it.

And who won it? Did they run you through who the other people nominated when you were being interviewed for the article? I can't remember. I hope not. Yeah, there was some big names. Yeah, but there were some other names that might have clued you into the fact that it was a bit of a joke.

Given it was out of you, Nick Capper and Dickie Knee. Nah, come on. No, they're both really good acts. Between them, they have one testicle, so... Dickie won't be offended at that. Because he's got a thick skin. Yeah, so sorry about that. But next year, maybe thick skin. Yeah, so sorry about that. But next year, maybe next year.

Yeah, next year. You've got to start campaigning early. I know. You've got to start hitting the streets. I know. You didn't share it. I almost shared it. I almost did.

I thought, no. There's something in me that said, don't share this. Don't dare to dream. Wow. Finally Dave Hughes uses sense online. Wow. Okay. We were worried that Hughes uses sense online. Wow. Okay. We were worried

that you were we were worried that you'd be mad at us when you found out that we were petrified when it came out. I had a couple of missed calls from Dave Hughes

I'm like I am not taking the call. I think it was on the night of the awards. Yes. Because you rang me on the night of you wanted me live on air didn't you?

I know I was brave in front of 400 people, but yeah. But then I got a call at home yesterday, like the next day with no one else in the house. I was like, I just threw the phone away. And then I rang Dave O'Neill and went, is Yuzi mad at me? And he's like, no, he thought it was funny.

I'm like, oh, great, we'll do this on a live one. Time always... Humour comes with time with everything, basically. With time, it was one day. It took a while. The famous saying, humour comes with time. He rolls off the time.

Fucking knew what I meant. Well, we've been doing a thing on the live shows the last few weeks where we've been doing a thing on the on the live shows the last few weeks where we've been um we've been getting the ai programs that are online to write content for us and it's i think we've got to you know we've got to retire it we've done people are over this kind of content hang on can i just say this i was asking people to text in hughes he said there's a there's a mic like this is the logo on basement colony which it isn't Someone in the audience has had time to Photoshop it so now there is.

That's not the logo. That is not the logo. That's better than whatever logo it's got. No, it's not. That should be the logo. No, it should not be. That screams comedy

in a basement. Don't make me have a second Valium. Fucking hell. Someone who's clearly loving the show, just firing at the audience. And there's a real conundrum. They're like totally on board with the whole conceit,

but at the same time willing to step away from the actual show. They're like, you know what, I can listen to this for free online. Yeah, yeah, I'll catch up on Wednesday. I was at the Hall of Fame show. I've heard all this shit before. I like these guys, but I like annoying them way more. I got on one of the AI programs

and I asked it to write me a Hughesy stand-up routine. Yes. On that topic, during the festival I went to Thailand because my cousin was getting... I'm on board with Thailand, by the way. What a fucking... That's good. But my cousin was getting... Fuck yes. Yeah. I'm on board with Thailand, by the way. What a fucking...

That's good. But my cousin was getting married. I was the best man. So the pressure was on for me to do a speech. I'd never been a best man at any wedding in my 52 years. And my family would just get it off. They wanted me to do a chat GPT speech. Oh, right.

Just get on and give it the prompt of, like, write me a best man speech about this person and then just... They get Dave Hughes, one of the biggest public speakers in Australian history, and they don't trust you to write a speech yourself. No, my wife said there's rules around best man speeches. You've got to compliment the bridesmaids and all that sort of carry-on. So you needed a robot to do that for you.

You're the best bridesmaids ever. The fact is the bride is Belgium and all her bridesmaids spoke French so I had to connect them to them in French. Oh yeah.

So all I had was oh la la. Yeah. Je m'appelle Hughsy. What's that? What did you say? My name is Husey

That's basic year 7 French I didn't do fucking French mate That's when I learned it I grew up in the country Victoria In the 70s mate We didn't have that bullshit Yeah so how did it go? No it went well

I thought it was a good speech. My son said none of the French people laughed at it. I said, fuck, you didn't have to point that out. They like more physical comedy. Yeah, they were cracking themselves up. I don't know what the fuck they were saying. That would be good if the French loved Jerry Lewis and Dave Hughes. Yeah.

You should go study with Goliath. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. Who's that? The French clown. The famous French clown. He's not that famous. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. Who's that? The French clown. The famous French clown. He's not that famous. I don't know who he is.

No, he's one of the judges on the French Masked Singer. Well, now he's got credibility. We're not judges on that show, mate. We're guessers. Sorry, mate. We guess who's behind the mask You don't judge them What is the philosophy? Do you have rules?

Do you have rules? Well, there is rules Don't guess it correct too early A rule that's never seemed to worry you No, I'm... Yeah, so, yeah. If you know anyone... Anyway, yeah.

It's coming back again. It's another season coming. They get you rocking some pretty beautiful outfits on that show, I have to say. Yeah, they do. Yep, they do. They really tart you up. It's great.

I get to keep those suits as well. Oh, hell yeah. Well, we actually gave them away on the radio and fucking no one wanted them. What, Beetlejuice didn't call in? Actually, my sister-in-law was wearing one of them. Actually, true story, she loves it, Selena. And it's got birds all over it and it's good for her.

She's wore it three times and just fucking keep it. And she said, okay. So anyway, that's the end of that story. Danielle, have you ever watched The Masked Singer? Yeah, I was a big fan of the season with the cat and the goldfish. And Eddie Perfect, he was in that. Well, you actually do love the show, don't you? Oh, we watched that season in lockdown and we had a group chat

and we watched it and then we made masks of our own. See? Hang on, so you were in lockdown with your boyfriend, you made masks of your own and then guessed who was behind the mask? Yeah, we were having a pretty bad mental health breakdown. And we were like, what's Hugh's he up to? You know, when you said Eddie Perfect, I honestly thought you were referring to Australia's Got Talent in 2016,

which I hosted and he was one of the people on that. He was on My Singer. Yeah, he was, thank you. I completely forgot. But he did a great job. You're so positive. You're so positive. No, he did do a great job.

He was great on that show. And Eddie, he knows you well. He does Broadway musicals. Can you please do next year, one night, one night, the worst of Melbourne comedy, and just have your catchphrase, never forget, you cunts are fucked. No, but Eddie Perfect is massive in Broadway.

He did Beetlejuice, which plays in Broadway every night. Why are you Wikipedia up here? What's going on? Because I just don't want him to get bad that I forgot he was on Masked Singer. Probably the rest of his career. Not that closely.

I think Beetlejuice closed like a year and a half ago. I think you'll find you're wrong, Tommy. Any Broadway heads in the crowd? Is Beetlejuice still on? Google that shit. Can I see Beetlejuice tonight? It came back. Oh, it came back?

Thank you. A lot of Broadway fans in here tonight. That's a Venn diagram of people going to see Hello Dolly and Us. Again, that reference is so good with that microphone. Hello Dolly. Sorry, everything I say from now on, I'll do this. The Venn diagram of seeing us in Hello Dolly. Oh, man, that actually works.

Oh, that's good. Finally, your riddles make sense. Do one of your other ones like that. Yeah, I don't know. Children, gather around the wireless. The Chandler Comedy Hour is about to start. The people at home are putting my hand up to my ear like some 40s broadcaster. Oh, no, they can hear it. It looks really good from the wireless. The Chandler Comedy Hour is about to start. The people at home are putting my hand up to my ear like some 40s broadcaster. Oh, no, they can hear it.

It looks really good from the side. Yes. Go to the side, show people. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Oh. I'm a better profile than I am front on.

All right, I get it. This is all good stuff. Yeah, yeah. Now do one of your other riddles. All right, I was in a cafe and... No, I'm not doing that. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do, that'll do, that'll do, that'll do.

Do we want to hear A.I. Husey? Oh, yeah. Yes. Do we want to hear A.I. Husey? Okay, here's A.I.'s attempt at a Husey stand-up routine. Great. G'day, folks. Good to be here. I know some of you might be thinking, who the hell is this guy? Well, I'm Dave Hughes,

or as some people like to call me, the bald guy from Australia. What? Fuck off. And let me tell you, being bald is not easy. What the fuck? I mean, I don't have to worry about bad hair days,

but I do have to worry about sunburned scalps. What? Why am I bald? I don't know. If I've got one thing going for me, it's fucking a hairline. 52, you fuckheads. I feel like some of this

is Carl Barron right now. I feel like some of this is Carl Barron. You've got an Aussie comedian. You've got an Australian comedian and it's fucking Carl Barron. Come on. I went to Thailand recently

and if you want a party, Thailand is the place to be they've got bars and clubs that are open all night long and the drinks are so cheap I mean you can get a beer for like 50 cents and the lady boys oh the lady boys they're everywhere and they're so convincing

I had to do a double take a few times on that my family stayed over there, I came back to do radio and the comedy festival again got to say, my family stayed over there. I came back to do radio and the comedy festival again. So, but my age, my look, Pookot... Pookot... What? I'm just saying Pooket Airport when you're 52.

Did you say Pookock Airport? Come on, Will. Did you say come on, Will? Will. Did you say, come on, Will? They're so convincing. No, anyway, you don't want to be... Anyway, I thought people thought I was a sex tourist. Alright, one last bit here.

Now let's talk about Dan Andrews. Oh, no. Oh, no. No. Four more years. Dan, if you're listening, take a chill pill, mate. We'll get through this COVID thing together. We don't need you breathing down our necks every step of the way.

Cheers. I do love that, that you end every gig by saying cheers. The AI really picked up on that. I might. Do I? So what do you think? Is that accurate enough? Yeah, you knew I was in Thailand.

Did it know I was in Thailand or was it following me? It's the AI. It's the future baby. They know what we're doing, don't they? They don't know about my hairline, but they know. And the ladyboy's coming out. It's crazy to be like, it's crazy that it thinks, it's crazy that it doesn't know you have hair,

but it does know where in the world you were last week. That is weird. I'm not going to lie. That's weird. Should we? Wonder what time Beetlejuice is on. Danielle, every time you get up, you're the queen of stories.

Have you got anything for us this week? Yes. We've got, well, you gave me some notes. You gave me three topics. So do we want to do a, do we want to put it to a vote? What do you think? I love this game show. Okay.

I got Easter Bunny, Bible Study, and Grandad Frog Shower. Oh, wow. That's a no-brainer, that one. The people have spoken. Grandad Frog Shower? Grandad Frog Shower. And before you start, remember that other great storyteller I told you about backstage. He also does his story sitting down.

America's dad. The good doctor. Anyway, go on. Go on. Well, now I've got that in my head. This was just, I thought it was a thing everybody, I thought it was like a classic saying, or like a, you know, like a rule that you have for your life

that my granddad told me as a child, which was if you've got a frog in your shower... Because if you have a frog in your shower, you know how if you take it outside, it'll just appear back in the shower the next day? What? Yeah. Yes, that's a Queensland thing. If you have a frog inside, it'll just come back. They love it. Is that a Queensland thing. If you have a frog inside, it'll just come back. They love it.

Is that a Queensland proverb? Well, no, but that's just a true fact. That's just a fact? That's just a true fact. Yeah, like a frog, they're like homing pigeons. They'll just come back. So, yeah. They'll just come back.

A homing frog. So don't bother taking the frog out of your shower because it'll come back. Well, yes. You've got to kill the frog. Essentially. Oh, well, that's not, no. It's weird that you immediately went there. Yeah. You couldn't just leave the frog in of your shower because it'll come back. Well, yes. You've got to kill the frog. Essentially. Oh, well, that's not... No. It's weird that you immediately went there.

You couldn't just leave the frog in the shower? You've immediately got to murder a frog? Well, not if it's... Did Kermit touch you as a child? What happened?

Google whether it's an endangered species and if it isn't, get the fucking cricket bat out. Oh, who else is a vegan in this room? Who else? It vegan in this room? Who else?

Just me, you fucking wanker. Sounds like someone's never had a rainbow connection. But also, being a vegan doesn't give you a free pass to murder a few animals just to balance it out. Yeah, have a burger if that's the alternative.

Well, this is where Grandad's proverb comes in, which is that he says the way you get rid of a frog because they'll just come back is you've got to take the frog outside, then you should throw the frog back at the house because that will confuse the frog and it will jump away because it will assume that you will have thrown it away from the house. Oh. So it will try and jump in the direction that it's

been thrown. Therefore, it will go away from the house. Wow. This is the Queensland Mythbusters. God, they're a beautiful, smart, sensitive creature and you want to cave their head in with a cricket bat.

I can't believe that your granddad didn't kill that frog. I nearly did. He smashed it in the side of the house. Depends how hard you throw it. I only realised that that wasn't true, though, when I started dating my boyfriend at 22 and he said, you know, that's not real. When I said, oh, oh i just got to take

this frog outside and and he he was like what do you mean and then i went i told him and then he said you're that's a lie 22 right okay what about uh what about Bible study? Bible study is, okay, my dad's side of the family are Catholic and wanted me to do my Holy Eucharist and communion. And to do that, I had to do Bible study on Wednesday night. And I was eight years old and that's when McLeod's Daughters was on. And I really didn't want to go because it was, like, coming up to that season where Claire went off the cliff

and there was all the ads on TV like she's going to go off the cliff. And what a time when people actually watch free-to-air TV. Was this an actual cliff or a metaphorical cliff? Oh, you've got to go back and watch MacLeod's Daughters. No spoilers. Mate,

I care so little about watching McLeod's Daughters that I literally have done a podcast with the guy who was on it for 13 years. And I've never seen an episode nor cared to ask what happens. How long was he on it for? I'm not going to do that. How long was he on it for? Charlie on McLeod's. Yeah, Charlie.

Yeah, ages. Was he? Yeah. There you go. Yeah, and Blue Heelers. Haven't seen that either. Didn't catch an episode of him on Home and Away either, to be honest.

Just very quickly, a little story. So you had to stop doing your podcast because he was on Home and Away. Yeah. Did they have a no podcast clause? They had a no our podcast clause. Did you call Al for cunt

and they just banned you or what happened? Mate, you know how doing this show has meant that you've had no other opportunities? Look, I wouldn't blame this show on that, but yeah. Oh, no, no, no. It's this show. My hands have dried up since I started doing this fucking show. Oh, it's a remarkable...

Seriously, it's a remarkable tribute to how good I am that I could survive this. I've just done it to see if I can. That's the ultimate quote on a stand-up show poster. This is you doing the worst of Melbourne comedy. Danny, I was doing ads. I saw you on an ad recently. Sorry, I'm eating you.

I know. I'm taking shit music. I was watching TV the other day. When Danny, I get jealous. Fuck, I get jealous. I swear to God, I was watching TV the other night and Nazeem Hussain

was doing an avocado ad. So I'm sitting there and my 13-year-old son's looking at me and he goes, Dad, why aren't you doing that? All of a sudden, Husey's on the phone to Strawberries. You think that those two ads came down to

Daniel Walker and Nazeem Hussain or Husey? I'm saying I would have been on the long list. Husey thinks that any opportunity that went to another comedian was between him and that comedian. It is. Now Now tell me, tell me this. What's the rich list of Australian comedy?

Now, is it you? That's very crass. No, it's not. It's not when it's me asking because I'm just interested. I've still got money because I wasn't ever on cocaine. So that's why you're richer than Will.

Alright. It's hard for me to deny either part of that. What about Carl Barron? Has he got more money than you or not? Yes, he would have. Does he not? Yes! What about Jim Jefferies or Rebel Wilson? He's in. Has he got more money than you or not? Yes, he would have. Does he not? Yes. What about Jim Jefferies or Rebel Wilson?

No, Jim Jefferies is hosting that shit-ass quiz show. He must have run out of money to do that show. No, no, he hasn't run out of money. Yeah, I'm sure they did not offer him a lot of money to do that. No, I don't think he's doing... Look, I'm not one to get inside the mind of Jim Jefferies. He sells out fucking stadiums. Anyway, good on him. But I think he just wants to spend some time in Australia.

I think he wants to spend some time in Australia. That's good. But yeah, whether he... He wants to spend some time hosting a quiz show in Australia. Yeah, look... It's not hanging out with his parents or anything. Yeah, but it gets him home, I imagine. I don't know.

Good luck to him. So Danny, all this Bible study. All right. Sorry. I just like for some reason and here's one that Jim Jefferies can't afford a plane flight home

so he has to do a TV show He's stuck. to come home and work all day so he never gets to hang out at... His mum and dad aren't the contestants on the show. There's 100 contestants on the show. He might have fucking crazy issues.

Also, here's his scenes, Jim's specials, and he knows how much cocaine he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good luck to everyone, and I hope everyone gets all... I hope everyone does everything they want to do and laughs. Good luck to everyone. God, I would pay... I'd love to see you on cocaine.

You holding court in a stall, just fucking going a million miles an hour. I reckon I'd be good. I'm not. I gave up vaping. Was I vaping last time we were here? I don't know. I think you might have been, yeah.

I'm off the vape. Actually, last night, true story, my son who's 13 had four of his mates over. My wife got up in the middle of the night. They were still up. And they panicked in the lounge room. And she said, I think they might have been vaping. I said, better that than porn.

Which I, well, I think so. But they were, apparently. And I talked to them this morning. I said, guys, I was on the vape too. And you were on the porn. And I was And I've given both of those up Oh no

You can check my phone There's not one link To anything I mean Check your phone The phone Whatever That's not the full

Yeah well done mate You haven't jacked it on the bus lately You're a real hero Wow You're amazing man But your fucking phone links to your iPhone. What a virgin. Your phone links to everything.

You know that these days. Yeah. You can look at porn on your phone and your son's watching the same thing that I am, you know. Anyway, that's not happening. Well, the cat's in the cradle in the silver spoon. This is a true story, actually. When I was on the vape, I was vaping in the kitchen one day.

My son had had the day off. I thought he was at McDonald's with his friends. Front door opens. Front door opens and I look up and it's not my son. It's his mate. My son had given my key, our key to his fucking mate, to come home. I could have been doing anything in there. But I was vaping.

And I said to him, I said, mate, this is our secret. And that's not a good thing to do. Always great to tell a child that. Yeah, always good to tell a child this is our secret while you have something in your mouth. No, it'd be great. Next season, the mouse singer, Mum, that's the guy who told me not to tell you that thing.

I swear to God this is true. I was on the phone to Osher Ginsberg at the time. You need to put the mic in the air for me. Talk into the mic, please. 30 years top of the game.

I swear to God, I swear to God, any cunt that does radio does not know how to use a microphone. Still works better than your mic. I was on the phone to Osher Ginsberg at the time

and I got Osher to say, you tell him as well, Osher. So together we told him. But then he did tell his mum and his mum told him. What a relatable story. But the end of the story is I've given up vaping and you can do it too. There's people in this room and listening to this podcast who think they can't give up vaping. You can give it up. And you can have a life

without sucking on that fucking highlighter. Wow, this is a motivational podcast now. Who vapes here? Who vapes on this turn? You don't vape? No, but my sister's bad. She vapes indoors, smokes outdoors. I love that. That's great. I like that. It's her indoor cigarette.

Nintendo inside, caught outdoors. Respectful to others. Alright, Bible studies. Bible studies. I was so angry that I wasn't going to... Alright, so McLeod... McLeod's daughters,

I couldn't... McLeod's daughters was on us furious and I didn't care about having the tiny little wafer and wine. And so I was going to have to miss McLeod's daughters and mum wouldn't tape it on the VCR. And so I got furious at dad and was like, I'm not going.

I'm not going. You can't make me. And he was like, oh, Ken. And then I said, I'm not going. If you try and make me go, I'll eat this dog food. And then I picked up a piece of, like, dry dog food out of the dog bowl and was like, you make me go and miss my cloud's daughters. I'll eat this dog food.

And Dad said, you what? What? Fine. See if I care. And then I ate it. And then he said, get in the car. So you still had to go, but you also ate dog food. Yeah.

Great. And everybody at school the next day was talking about Claire, and I was furious. That's good. They could have been talking about you eating fucking dog food. Well, I didn't obviously tell them. I thought your dad might have gone down. Can you remember how the dog food tasted?

It was just sort of like quite dry. And you had to quite bite it, like, quite harsh. Was it, like, wet dog food or, like, kind of kibble? No, it was dry. It was like little biscuits. Yeah, it was biscuits, but it was a thick one.

Was there ever any point in when you were making this threat that you thought, maybe it's not going to be effective because I'm really only going to hurt myself? No, I thought, in my mind, I thought dog food, you'd go to the hospital if you ate it or something. So I thought it was like, you won't let me see McLeod's daughters, I'll kill myself in front of you. See, that's good.

A threat of suicide if you didn't get to see McLeod's daughters. That's good. Toilet duck would have been better, drinking the toilet duck. Don't do that at home. Guys, anyone can quit vaping. P.S. Drink toilet duck. She usually has a deal with toilet duck. They do a good job,

I must say, so think about it. Yeah, you could voice the little duck that's in the commercials. You'd do a good job of that. I'd voice the bin chicken. Yes, voice that. That's had a few rollovers. God, you fucking love a rollover.

I do. I love you, Husey, but for you to voice the most despised animal in Australia, it's a sweet combo, you and the bin chicken. It was a challenge to turn the image around. I'm sure it's worth it. We did go when we saw the Bidden Chicken ad. We were sitting there on the couch and we were thinking about it

and we were going, because, you know, you're known as one of the hardest working in showbiz. And we were going, do you reckon Hugh Z says no to anything? No, no. Well, he's here, so no. No, in my defence on that one, I upped the price. Oh, nice. Because I was voiceover artist.

I said, no, they're going to know it's me. We fucking need to up the price. I love that. Yeah, negotiate. Wait, so you're just down as a regular voiceover artist as well? Like, it's not just choosing? First off, I was insulting. Oh, you didn't think voicing a bin chicken was insulting?

No, I said, I've got pride. But we got it to the point we're happy with. And they've rolled it over. So we need to squeeze a couple of things in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, we're running out of time. Well, yeah, we got to... We had a thing a couple of weeks ago we had for people

that don't listen to the podcast. Up here, we did a thing. We had an idea called The uh for people that don't listen to the podcast we uh up here we did a thing we had an idea called the yarn there was a reality show it was like the voice except instead of people singing it's someone telling a story and then uh the people come out instead of like turning around to greet them if the story was shit we would turn and face the other way right so that's the concept of of the yarn so we had uh a winner uh matya, he was the winner, the only entrant. But what we didn't say at the time was that that was just a heat. So tonight is the final.

The thing was, again, the only entrant and so the only winner. So he's also the only person in the final. We forgot to hold all the other heats. But if we turn around, he could lose. Yes, he could lose. He could still lose yeah. But if we don't, if we turn around, if we, like, he could lose. Yes, he could lose. He could still lose this. So if we turn around, he wins, if we, yeah. Are you going to mentor them

to yarn better? Well, you guys get to, you know, mentor him if you want. So, yeah. Or you're the queen of the yarn. I'm okay, but Hugh's, Hugh's, he'll say yes

to anything, I think, right? He'll do the yarn. I just want to get out of the house. So, do we, do we get the theme music? Yeah, we got the theme music for the yarn. I just want to get out of the house. Do we get the theme music? Yeah, we got the theme music for the yarn. Let's hear that. It's sounding wonderful. The yarn.

There we go. That'll do. Oh, you missed the bit where I get really high. This is the yarn. It took me fucking where I get really high. This is the yarn! It took me fucking ages to get that right. All right, very good. I mean, it's just great to see it live, don't you? Should we welcome to the stage the only entrant in the final of the yarn? It's Matreya.

Matreya, are you there? The people's champion. The carryover champ of the yarn. Wow, very, very muted response to this bit. Yeah, so I think he should have my microphone for this, I think. Oh, yeah, sure. I think it would really help. Maitreya, take it away.

Cheers, mate. Oh, yeah. Oh, Maitreya makes it work. Actually, you've got a very good moment. Yeah, I looked at the picture myself. I look like a cunt. This looks cool. I'll take what I can get.

I'll appreciate it. But he's got the voice for it. He actually has the voice. You've got a radio-friendly voice. Yeah, and a face. So cheers, mate. This guy's got it. He's actually a handsome guy as well.

Yeah, this is why he won the semi-final, you know, against no one. But yeah. Yeah, Tommy is why he won the semi-final, you know, against no one. But, yeah. Yeah, Tommy Carr, judges, it's good to be back in your presence and back on the yarn. So I appreciate it. Do we need a sad backstory or not? Look at him. Thanks, Mishra.

We've heard you've still got a yarn in you. We'd love to hear it. I've had a think about it and I can produce another yarn for you all. Who are we facing to start with? Look, do you think there's much thought put into this? Because on the voice, they face the other way and they spin. Okay, sure. I don't know.

No, if you don't like this, you're effectively walking up by turning the other way. That's what's up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll go the other way. That's what's up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll go the other way. Sorry. Yep, great. Sweet. So I'm born in...

So this yarn's about accidentally bullying a small child. Love it already. Statement of intent. Awesome. I love that we're getting a preview for the yarn. I'm born and bred in Box Hill. That's where I'm from. Why would anyone say that out loud?

No pubs in Box Hill, if anyone didn't know. No pubs. Dry area. Oh, really? It's like huge. I'm currently staying in Box Hill, dog-sitting for my sister and her family while they're away. You're staying in Box Hill? Fuck, sales have gone her family while they're away. You'll stay in Box Hill?

Fuck, sales have gone down this year. Mate, I'm looking after a dog. I'm being a nice guy. That's all right. I'm coming to the city. No distractions. But no pubs, no shops. And then on the weekend, I made the mistake of going to a place called Westfield Doncaster.

Oh, fuck. Have you heard of such a place? They have two levels of the food court. The food court has two levels. There's the normal, like, McDonald's KFC level, and then you go up a level to, like, Betty's Burgers and Goose Money Gourmet. That's my local shoppo.

It's called a shoppo. You can see it from everywhere. It's great. The buildings are high. It's like another metropolis. There's four levels of bubble tea. I'm loving the idea of like you watch

The Voice and a contestant gets up they get one bar into the song and one of the judges is like I'd actually like to rip out a tune

thanks. But also one of the judges is going fuck have you heard of shopping centres out there guys? They've got McDonald's

and stuff have you guys seen this? I don't find relatable material relatable Good laugh too Good laugh Good laugh Cheers, cheers Good on you

Oh, thanks, shout out mate So, I'm a Last year I volunteered at like a school Which was cool So I went in And in Box Hill You volunteered at a school by which was cool. So I went in, and in Box Hill... You volunteered at a school, by the way? Yeah.

Meaning what? It was like, so I'm currently studying teaching at university. Right. You tell other kids what to do. Yeah, yeah. Believe it or not. That's not my job. I teach guitar lessons for a job.

No shit. Yeah. Gotta look the part. Gotta look the part Gotta look the part But you have You've got your Working with children Little car danger

Yeah you've got the WWCC mate Yeah It's all there Above board It's good By the way We got so many messages

After your appearance We put up a picture of you And everyone said Fuck you look like you sound Yeah nah I'll take what I can get I appreciate it to your appearance but we put up a picture of you and everyone said fuck you look like you sound yeah nah I'll take what I can get I appreciate it good idea guys

appreciate it I thought he was I thought you were continuing to do Husey's voice I thought that was yeah yeah

no again so did I to be honest we had to point this out last time he was on this is why are we looking at your driver's licence no it's not my driver's licence you have a working with children's I, to be honest. We had to point this out last time he was on. Why are we looking at your driver's licence? No, it's not my driver's licence.

He's going to work with children. Working with children, Cards! Is that in case you do crowd work with a 10-year-old? Hang on, how old is Ed Cavill? Why do you need that? I don't know why I needed that. You look like a murderer in your photo. I know you do any gig, but do you do that? I don't know why I needed that. Do you do... Actually, I know you do... You look like a murderer in your photo. I know you do any gig,

but do you do children's birthday parties? Why do you do that? I have done bar mitzvahs, yes. No swearing for fuck's sake. No, bar mitzvahs are good. Respect, respect. You're working with children. Yeah, no, it's no stress.

So, in Box Hill, at this skill that I was volunteering at, 60% of the students spoke an additional language at home, which in Box Hill, for those of you who don't know contextually, means a lot of them speak Chinese. And good on them, they earned that. Uh-oh. It's a big effort.

For them to learn English, you're one language people like us. Is there two languages up here? Anyone got a second language? No, no. None of us? No. Yeah, you're one language people like us. Is there two languages up here? Anyone got a second language? No, no. None of us? No. Yeah, they're bloody heroes. Hughsey, you didn't happen to bring a dump button along with you, did you?

We did have the chance to vet this story beforehand and we didn't have time. And I regret that. I love this more that, Hughsey, you heard Matthias? Ah, Matthias. Matthias talk. And you said, what a beautiful voice for radio. Hearing your own voice back at you.

No. No, to be honest. I think his voice has changed a bit since he first got up here. And now I'm thinking radio's not for him. Matreus looks like if Hughsy fucked the Kings of Leon. Matreus looks like if Husey fucked the Kings of Leon Our sect would be on fire wouldn't it

Come on Good reference That's good A bit recent for me but anyway So yeah I had this girl on the very first day when I was volunteering. Once June came in and he looked a bit like a frog that fell out of the shower. Because he just looked out of place, you know what I mean?

Yeah. This young fella didn't speak English and that's alright. I speak like a touch of like Mandarin English I speak yeah you know

it's like here's how it goes I so but I do speak a touch of Chinese a little bit oh really

yeah I love to hear Chinese in that accent give me give me a sentence right now well I'll tell you

part of the yarn if you like I guess we would sorry I guess yeah I guess Give me a sentence right now. Well, I'll tell you part of the yarn, if you like. I guess we would. Sorry. I guess we'd like that. I'm but a judge. I'm not a yarner.

So, yeah, this young fella looks a bit out of place. So I go up to him with a big kind of teacher grin on his first day of school in Australia. And I say, Ni hao. What a pong, yo. Which I thought meant, hello, my friend. Okay, and good on him too. So the student next to him says, your Chinese is very bad.

And I say, why is that? And he said that he reckons like peng yo and pong yo have two different like... He reckons like Peng Yo and Peng Yo have two different like basically what I... He reckons. Yeah, well... I went up to this child on his first day of school in Australia and in Chinese I said with a big grin, hello fat man.

Yeah. Yes, he's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. He's got it. The carryover champ. That story's gone into space. That story's gone into space. He's done it again.

Matreya, everyone. Matreya. Thank you, mate. Legend. The still undefeated champion. Yeah, that's... How much do we have? Can I just say, I just felt that microphone

and I've never felt something so cheap. Like, I didn't know you could actually feel something being... But that is... That's ten bucks worth, isn't it? No. All right, all right. Well, we're nearly close. Yeah, we've got one more thing to do.

So this is, it's like the last weekend of the Comedy Festival. Yes. And we actually got the, we got the call up before the gig that they wanted us to host the awards. Yeah. The Comedy Festival awards this year. Yeah, because it was actually, it's actually happening at the same time as us.

And weird that they put it on at the same time as us. Yeah. No, Husey, just to be clear, this is one of their funny bits. I'm expecting this is like a This Is Your Life situation. No, we... So this is the last week of the festival. We've literally... Sorry, I did see Husey be quiet when you said it.

Fuck, I'm going to get a Lifetime Achievement Award. I wonder why the Warrnambool Standard were in the front row. What an aspirational name for a newspaper, by the way. Standard. That's what we're up. Been going since 1875, so... Stoop the test of time. The Warrnambool Ordinary.

Yeah, yeah. Warrnambool Average. Yeah, yeah. Warrnambool Average. So, at least we're having fun. Just the audience being like, just get to the fucking bit. Just let us go. Get to the bit. They want to vape. They want to vape.

I'm trying to be convincing up here. So, the awards are happening at the same time as us. It's just been announced just before. Melbourne Comedy Festival, they've named the best show of the comedy festival, which is massive, and the big scoop is that they've come straight to us. We've booked the winners. They're here right now. Are you guys excited?

Yeah. Do you guys want to know who won the award for the best show? Yeah. We have the winners, the red hot favourites. People have been overlooked for too long. Guys, the winners of the best comedy show in the Melbourne International Comedy Festival this year are... Give it up. Please welcome the Fawlty Towers Dining Experience.

Woo! Oh, you got one. Congratulations. I'm John Cleese. I'm... I'm Spanish, Manuel. I'm from Spain so I speak in funny accent and I just want to say

congratulations to my friend the Spanish cunt Carl wrote that this has been an entire waste of my fucking afternoon. It's great to have friends. You want to order something for your dinner? What do you want to order? You want to order soup or you want to order salad?

Soup. It's too late. Dinner finished. Not enough people when they win the award get up and do their act as part of their acceptance speech. He's very good. Mr. Fawlty,

Mr. Fawlty, why are you always so mean to me? You hurt me. Earlier today, you punched me. We rehearse that? That is. Mr. Fawlty, even though

you punched me, I still come back for more. I always your loyal servant. In a way that would perhaps not be acceptable nowadays. This is just as fucked as I thought it would be.

The Fawlty Dells dining experience. Give it up. Congratulations. Wow. That is You can see Congratulations. Wow. That is... You can see why they won. What a huge night. You can see why they won.

Yeah. All right. We've got to wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Big round of applause. Will Anderson. Denny Walker. Dave Hughes. And, of course, Harley Breeden.

Harley Breeden. Mat Fuller Matt Rea thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you next and they've done it again Bernie, Bernie thank you for being live in Melbourne for another year you certainly kicked a big one, done it again for another month, that's it for another year in Melbourne for another year. Yep. You certainly kicked a big one. Yeah, I've done it again for another month.

That's it. Well, for another year in Melbourne. Nice to go down and visit Melbourne, wasn't it? Yeah. And the way they do things down there. The woke capital of Australia. Yeah. That's why we really had to tone it down over the last four weeks.

People down there don't go for the kind of stuff we're into. Let's do our impression of the arts in Melbourne. Sorry you had to listen to the last four weeks of us on eggshells, guys, but that's what they wanted down there. That's what them wanted. That's what them wanted. No, but fantastic stuff

ah what a star started line up yes lots of fun big thanks to all the guests big thanks to

all the audience that came out and absolutely packed that last one out crazy style yeah big thanks to

Amazon Prime for getting me that silly Elvis mic to my house in record time oh really yep because I don't know if do you ever have any do you ever buy anything on there where like every now and then if you have a Prime for getting me that silly Elvis mic to my house in record time. Really? Yeah.

Because I don't know, do you ever buy anything on there where like every now and then if you have a Prime membership, it'll say to you, hey, because of your membership, you qualify to get this quicker than any of the riffraff. And it just gives you the exact time and date. So I was looking at it at the start of the week and it was like this will turn up at 11 a.m. on Thursday, whatever it was, the 18th of April. And I was like, this will turn up at 11am on Thursday, whatever it was, the 18th of April.

And I was like, well, that sounds just perfect to me. Yep. Comes in on the Thursday, extra day buffer in case I'm not home and it gets taken

to the post office. Yeah. Saturday, Bob's your uncle. Oh. And now, I don't know what I'm going to fucking do with it. It's just sitting in my house.

I'm like, well, I don't have any need for this anymore. No. Well, I mean, there's only one need for it. I don't even know why you're asking the question. It's called sitting in my house. I'm like, well, I don't have any need for this anymore. No. Well, I mean, there's only one need for it. I don't even know why you're asking the question. It's called The Bin. Maybe I could auction it off.

Sure. Okay. As seen. Good luck. As seen in the episode pic of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Yeah. I wonder if I could. No, you know what?

Save it for the worst of Melbourne comedy. Oh, yeah, sure. That's right. That's it. Yeah, we need it for that. That's what you need it for. Sorry, you have to sit that in your house for another year. Yeah, I've got this little cupboard that's just like the...

It's like the tech graveyard. Right. Any thing that I buy that comes with a cord that I've already got that type of cord, and it's like, well, I don't need this. Right. Old batteries. Yeah. You know, just waiting... You don't need this. Old batteries. Yeah. You know, just waiting.

You don't want to chuck them out. Just waiting to be dragged down to Officeworks. You know, it's like a whole extra thing that you've got to go do to get rid of batteries. Right, right, right. But, yeah, I had some funny stuff happen after the show. Oh. Normally I would have said that here,

but we did an episode the day after this. So I decided to save it for that. Okay. I don't even remember what that is but yes my interaction with uzi in the street okay still don't remember oh yeah i know i do now yeah um yeah hey look that's something to look forward to in some regard i guess more for us than you guys actually um but we punished ourselves and ripped out another two studio episodes while the comedy Festival was still going. Basically, after this episode was recorded, we did another two in the next 48 hours when we did not want to do one.

But now, A, we've got people from the festival you won't hear year-round, which is a bit of a treat, and B, we don't have to fucking do one of these for another two weeks. Yeah, and they're good, I think. They are good. They both came out good. Yes. Agreed. In spite of that.

Agreed. In spite of or perhaps because of the fact that we couldn't be fucked. Yes. It was like that thing of, you know, if you've ever done, you know, personal training sort of thing and you get to the end and you're like, I don't want to do any more of this. And they go, two more minutes. Come on.

Two more minutes. And in those two minutes you're going, fuck this. I fucking hate this and then you get to the end and go oh i'm glad i did that well but it's also like isn't that the thing with exercise that it's like you're you get into that you're in that zone there's like the first however many minutes of exercising isn't actually doing you as much good right as later on i think that's a thing maybe you get into like certain, and it's exactly the same with podcasting. Yeah.

Those first two weeks of live episodes, they count for jack shit. The back end of the festival, that's when you really, that's when you've really got the juices pumping. Yeah. And you're really starting to burn through some fat. Yeah. We did. No, we did a good job.

That were four very good episodes, I think. I mean, we were always, well, I don't think we ever struggle, but I think, yeah, I just, actually, you know what? I just have no memory of other episodes. Yeah, that's all it is. All that matters is what's directly in front or directly behind. Yeah. So if you like that, we've got one in Brisbane.

It's nearly sold out. It's a double episode on May the 20th, 3 p.m. Great guests. Yeah. Get on it. There's really fuck all left. It's not a particularly big venue, but as always, fuck knows where we go most of the places around this country anymore. Brisbane's a particular bugbear for finding venues. Perth's fine.

Sydney's a pain in the fucking ass. Sydney sucks. Brisbane is verging on sydney's status melbourne is melbourne and adelaide are easy um yeah yeah that's that's the country yep that's it that's northern territory does not exist yeah yeah northern territory there was a time in lockdown i think i was talking to you about going going to Darwin. It would be a great idea to go up there and do something. And then not only just the venue, but just looking at how to get there on planes. Fucking so hard.

It's weirdly difficult. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know it's remote, but it's like, it's still within the same country. Yes. And you cannot fly there direct. Yeah. Basically. And you can't like fly at nine o'clock in the morning and get there at, you know, four

in the afternoon. Yeah. Anything like that. It's all fucking red eyes and shit like that. Yeah. I'm not fucking doing that. Yeah. It's really odd.

Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. I'll tell you what's not odd. Yes. I'm going to Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbCl and giving us some god damn money for all this work just exactly like I'll tell you what is odd

a spoiler alert the amount of names we're about to read out oh okay interesting you know yeah like the if you appreciate

the effort of us schlepping out of bed after a big final weekend of the festival and cranking out a couple of extra eps with some overseas guests for you

maybe you could you know know, reward that. Oh, I thought you were going to go with, alternatively, if you appreciate that, you should absolutely appreciate what we're doing right now, which is you racing over to my place at 9am. Yeah. Me doing this, I'm fucking so tired and I have to go to the football now. And that sounds weird to say I have to go to the football but i've been invited i said yes weeks ago i do not want to go with someone who's going to drink a lot and presumably that means i will too yeah i need to fucking rest yeah i feel fucked i've been i'm still i'm sleeping horribly yeah like i'm on that like point of like cool down from the end of a

busy weekend where you just kind of think like great i'll have my first like proper night's sleep yeah but it just takes you a couple of nights to sort of get back into that rhythm of not getting into bed at an obscene hour, flushing the booze out of your system, all that kind of stuff. Didn't get time yesterday to go to the gym in the end, which is my first kind of reset point, is getting a good gym session in. I'm feeling horrible. Yep, same with me. Yesterday, no run, no gym.

Today, football and drinking, I'm assuming. Yep. Tomorrow, back working for the project. So I'm not doing any reset buttons until Thursday. I feel like fucking dog shit. Yeah. So you're welcome. Yeah.

You at home. Yeah. I could have been going for a run right now and done something. Yeah. But we're doing this. Well, and again, like, you know, we're talking about this as like we're punishing ourselves. This is the bit of the show that we know as people don't even listen to. No, they do.

There's no reason to be doing this. No, people do like it. The people who like it really like it and everyone else, whatever. No, look, it's our job. No more complaints. This is what, this is like going, you know what? You know, I couldn't even do this thing because I had to go to my job at 7-Eleven and do a shift.

Yeah. Okay, well, yeah, that's. But people in there complain, you know, people in office jobs complain to each other, like I fucking hate being here.

Yeah. But we, but it seems like we're complaining to our boss because that's what we're, that's the listener. Yeah,

you're in the cubicle just to the person next to you being like, I couldn't be fucked coming in here today and it's, that's're in the cubicle just to the person next to you being like, I couldn't be fucked coming in here today. And that's broadcast to the entire office floor and the bosses and the shareholders. The boss is having a big borry in the cubicle next door on the other side. And you're going, can you believe this cunt made me come in here right now and earn my fucking rent?

It's like a movie where everyone's learning about the war or the alien invasion from walking past the shop with all the TVs in the window. But it's like they're just seeing two people in an office being like, I hate being here. Yeah. I want to go and have fun instead of... I don't even want to go and have fun. I want to fucking go back to bed. I want to go stare at the wall for a few hours.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd like all that. Even I'd just like to, because it's the thing, comedy festival's over, but guess what? When you run stuff like I've done over the festival,

it's admin time, baby. Yeah. The greatest time of all. And that's, not only do I have to do that, but I'm being inundated by people going, I want to get paid. Where's this fucking shit?

I get it, man, but you know what? There's a fucking thousand of you cunts i have to deal with i have to go to the football yeah talk to my friend on a pretend radio show yeah yeah all right well let's i started paying people at 7 a.m this morning which oh that's all right yeah that's pretty good was fucking and and i've basically what i'm doing uh for people don't realize we've talked about this but i've been running showcases in the venue and whatever a lot of comedians need to be paid for the spots they've done in showcase shows Basically, what I'm doing, for people who don't realize, we've talked about this, but I've been running showcases in the venue and whatever.

A lot of comedians need to be paid for the spots they've done in showcase shows. I've prioritized people that I know for a fact are living on couches and shit like that. So, I'm like, I think you need this before Hughsy needs it. That's not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should ask people to like, you should give out a grading. Yeah. And there's like three levels.

Yes. Fine. Yeah. You know know sort of and then like yeah living on a couch yeah so you ask

you're like be honest with me put the stamp on the invoice of what you reckon you are I don't need to ask no but for your own

filtering system you know you work out a way of like they come in and then it's just like in your inbox it's just in an order I reckon by my

dealings with comedians I'm pretty sure I know how much money they earn a year and how desperate they are to get paid one day after Comedy Festival. It's fine. I also know the people who will be whinging for it and who won't be. The most vocal. Yeah.

So the unsqueaky wheel is getting the least grease in this case. But look, speaking of people bitching about uh money we're bitching about people not giving us some money on enough money on this thing but here's some people that listened to our bitching at some point in the past yep and uh chuck some shekels into our coffers uh all right let's uh open up the uh uta is that still what it was yeah uh for this week let's hit the big red button and find out who's first cab off the rank. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Luke Sizer. Sizer?

S-I-Z-E-R. Okay. Yeah. So, you know, back in the day. Real size queen. This guy's ancestors is the person who, I guess, invented the term medium and XL, I guess. Okay. Is that what it is?

Someone who looks at things and decides what size they are. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah. Yeah, that's a thing. Because, I mean, in the olden days, because, of course, it's all relative. So, like, if I was only in this, if this room was all I had ever seen in my life, I would say that TV is, like, the biggest thing that exists. Yes. That's the biggest thing in the world.

Yes. But then, of course, like, relative to, like, you know, let's say we were next to a construction site. Yes. All of a sudden, that TV is medium at best. So, I wonder, like, is there anything that Sizer named back in the day that then he had to be like, we've got to rethink this? Well, look, I would say this. I would say there was some good work early on by the Sizer family. It was small.

Sounds good. Medium. I like that. I like the word medium. Yeah, me too. Large. Great stuff. XL.

What's that? Extra large. Okay. I guess. XXL. XXL. Guys, come on. That is a good point that they really, at the point that they tapped out, they didn't realize how big it was possible for things to get.

Yeah. Specifically people. Yes. So at the point that the term large was invented, you have to assume that that T-shirt size was the fattest person on earth yes i agree but what about when they went xl they just went well it's gone at one one size but no cunt is ever getting fatter than that even that i don't yeah this is this is crazy if xl was where it ended i actually don't mind that yeah i extra large but that's kind of cool yeah

yeah now that you're up to like six xL. Yeah, but when they went above XL, they went, we did not anticipate this happening because you can't go large and extra large and then gargantuan or whatever. Right. You've got to keep going with the Xs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can't just, like very clearly, whatever you go next is fucking enormous. I really think the point- And it sounds insulting. At the point that you get to 6xl just phonetically yeah having the x's run into each other yes that's the point where it's like i'm sorry you gotta that would be like if i was really really stacking it on

in a dangerous way yep that would be my barrier of like as long as i can keep it beneath 6xl oh really because it's difficult to say right like i just need to no matter what else happens i just need to make sure i don't hit that point right i've got to keep myself to a lean five yes good point to say that we do have some 5xl and 4xl shirts still available do we go up to six i I don't think we do, do we? Well, there you go. There's a good inspiration. If you're 6XL, you can't buy a little Dum Dum Club t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah.

Pretty fat phobic of us. That would be your inspiration. So I was just actually, that's another one. Oh, man. I mean, I don't know if you do this and make a little to-do list, but I'm not even up to my to-do list, but post-festival, but one of them is sorting out what sizes we have left in all the t-shirts, doing a little to-do list, but I'm not even up to my to-do list post-festival, but one of them is sorting out what sizes we have left in all the t-shirts, doing a little inventory

so people don't start ordering shirts of sizes that don't exist. But that half started this morning when I just plopped out all the shirts. Yeah, I've got to do a bit of that with some of my art prints from my exhibition at the end of the year. Your Excel exhibition? My Excel prints. Excel-hibition. Your big, fat artwork.

That's not a small room that my exhibition was in. It's not massive. But I'd say in terms of rooms, again, relative to my house, that gallery's an Excel. But then relative to other galleries, I'd say it's a small. But yeah, I've got to do the inventory of how many of them I have left and then put them all online and then go and buy the fucking postage tubes to roll them up in.

Nightmare stuff. Just put off doing it because then it's like people will order them, which is great, but then I've got to do the day of rolling them up and putting them in that little tube. Yes, look good uh and good reminder that uh of course last week we talked about the meland shirts uh plenty of people did buy them online and they are on their way out right uh now uh i'll be i'm walking to what the train to go to the footy and i'm posting a bunch of those with personalized little notes in there

beautiful so uh there surprisingly there are still some on sale on our website. But no, definitely a bunch of people did go and grab those. Very bargain priced at $15 plus postage. Making a tiny little loss on them. Very nice stuff. I talked about this the other week on a live episode, but I got paid by Melbourne's The Shore store to design some t-shirts for them. Yes.

The dream. Now it's in your hands, boys melbourne's the shore store to design some t-shirts for them yes the dream now it's in your hands boys yep here's the art you get them printed you post them out you deal with all of it it's awesome yeah yeah yeah yeah we maybe should i think my i think finally my back's been broken by all the postage bullshit of or the whole time we've done this it's been like, you know what? If you leave it in someone else's hands, you don't make as much money. You make fuck all. But if you do it yourself, you make so much more. And I'm going, fuck, do we really need that much more?

I'm just about done. Yeah, you make more, but you've invested more time in the work of sending them out. So it's like, at the end of the day, it balances out. Yeah. So anyway, we'll figure that out but uh look luke sizer it's thanks to you that um we we there's just not all shirts there that i don't know who the fuck gets fitted by these just random cuts of fabric yes and just me and just people sending in you know uh orders going i want a shirt, like a decent-sized one, and then me just looking at one and going, okay, well,

this looks like a shirt that sounds like a guy called Glenn would wear. Yeah, what if they'd never invented shirt sizes and you had to go into the Shure store and be like, yeah, give me 15 centimetres of shirt, thanks. Yeah, yeah. And they're just there, they've got the loon, they're just cutting it up for you. Give me 45 grams of shirt, please. I actually don't mind that.

They have to slice it up and then they've got to sew it together. They're like, yeah, this will be ready in about half an hour. Go for a little walk and come back and be sure it'll be good to go. I like this one. But in this example of people sending to us to send one in the post, it's more like, oh, I have 55 grams of shirt. Yeah. That's how much fabric I think it shirt. Yeah. That's how much fabric

I think it is. Yeah. That's generally, I weigh all my shirts normally. Right. That's usually what they are. I mean, I put on a little bit last month.

Well, that's how postage is calculated. I'm up to 57 grams, to be honest, of shirt at the moment. So if you could just chuck one of those out there. Well, postage is calculated

by weight. Overseas, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, thanks, Mr. Sizer. Thanks, Sizer and your family. Sorry. Oh, my God.

I think that's a review of several things happening at the same time. Yep. That noise. And again, it's like, you know, we're talking about, you know, okay, yeah, we're at work. It's fine. We don't want to complain too much. Yeah. But it's like people come home from work and be like,

God, I had a fucking shit one in there today. I really phoned it in. Yeah, this is just, yeah. It's just a shame that our work is public facing. Yes, we are. So that a bad day at the office is broadcast to people. We are getting the work done. Yeah.

But you know what? This is sort of like your work at a Christmas party on the Thursday night. Yes. Guess what? This is us on Friday morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is us at 9 a.m. We're getting the job done.

We're not bouncing off the back of our heels doing things. No, no. But I think we're doing an okay job. Yeah. We're doing all right. I set an alarm. I was here early. Yep, you were.

Yeah. I think you're in better shape than I am, but yeah. All right. Thanks, Luke Sizer. Thanks, Luke Sizer. Thank you very much to Patience Subscriber, Nathan Muscleman. Really? Yep.

That's great. Yep. Just quickly, though, I do want to say I do love those offices where they're like, they try and fuck over the employee by going, yeah, the Christmas party is on a Wednesday night. Let's see how you go with that. Yeah. And then anyone I know that is in an office where they do that, they're like, challenge accepted. Right.

Like, they think it's going to, you know, the office is like, well, this will make people behave themselves. And it's like, well, guess who's losing out of this? Yeah. You. Yeah. And your productivity the next day. Yeah, that's my day yeah that's like cool i'll wake up and come in yeah but you'll be lucky to get 15 of my effort yes that's a very

good point although although the alternatively that i always thought it's slightly weird to have a christmas party out of working hours days like christmas party on a saturday night i'm like mate this is fucking my time this is not i do know a lot it depends on yeah how people feel but i i do know a lot of people that are like yeah no i'm not i'm not bringing this is personal lifetime yes dare you yes i really i don't you make me get pissed under the umbrella of your work name yeah on a saturday night i want to get pissed for different reasons i found it funny this year doing a festival show on uh the wednesday night before the easter weekend so it was like thursday night it's

thursday night's the eve of the four-day weekend right right but on the wednesday night i got to the venue packed people going crazy crazy lot of people in my show very kind of like raucous energy and I called it at the front of the show I was like

I love that this is people just like jumping the gun before a four day weekend it just shows how much people hate their jobs of like you know what four days off isn't enough

I'll take my four days I'll come in the day before the four day weekend and you are going to be lucky to get 30% of my effort. It's time to fucking kick this thing off now. And everyone in the room was like, yeah! Same thing.

The last night of the Comedy Festival was a Sunday and I rolled the dice and thought, I reckon I know what's going to happen here. Put on a late show on a Sunday despite the fact... Imagine putting a late show on a Sunday, despite the fact, imagine putting a late show on a Sunday. We've talked about this, the last night of the week where you want to stay up late, where you can get people out of the house on a Sunday night. No official reason to go out of the house late on a Sunday night, but there's a public holiday on Tuesday.

We know what's happening. Heaps of people are fucking Monday off. So I put on a late show, walk in, heaps of people in there. Who's working tomorrow? Fuck no. Okay, you're welcome. Well, it's that great movie. There's always articles about like here's how to maximize your leave.

Remember there was that year where it was like Easter the one weekend and then Anzac Day the next. And it was that thing where it's like you can take three days of leave and end up with like two weeks straight of your holidays and you're barely having to touch your leave yeah people love that everyone's miserable people love any kind of life hack like that where people are just working out how to take the boss for an absolute ride people just love it yeah people just want out of there nathan muscle man though yeah i think we're overlooking quite a spectacular name it's true yeah we're still going on public holidays that's a mark of

how fucked we are yeah we can't even i mean in my head it's almost like there's it's too much there's too much there well i mean look the the initial thought is, of course, the ancestors. Wow. These are some buff medieval cunts. But it's spelt M-U-S-S-E-L. Oh, so like a little muscle. Yes. Seafood. Yes. So either...

Fishermen. This is so far back when tough cunts couldn't even spell what the fuck they were. Sure. As opposed to today. Yeah. Or, yes, it's some form of fisherman. Fisherman or even further back than that, like primordial, not, you know, hasn't slithered out of the ocean yet.

Wow. This is like ultimate. This is like as far back as it. This is mid-Darwinism. Yeah, this is like when we're all tadpoles or whatever. Right, Yes. Wow. This is like ultimate. This is like as far back as- This is mid-Darwinism. Yeah, this is like when we're all tadpoles or whatever. Right, right. Someone gave themselves a surname then? Yeah.

Like mid-walking out of the ocean? Well, I guess the nickname was probably given to- This is like, so they're still slithering around. Right. And then someone's kind of made it out of the pond. Right. And then they're bullying them. It's like, look at this prick.

Hasn't even evolved into being able to walk on land yet, the dumb cunt. Right, so someone got bullied and then adopted that as their surname. Yeah. Right, okay, right. Well, no, it's like, yeah, the name is just what the ancestors were.

So it's like, ha ha. This is like the dawn of names. Right. This is like, because there doesn't need to be any delineation when we're all just slithering around in the pond. Right. But once there's some of us are walking around on land. Before people knew that they could choose their own surname. Right. This is like, because there doesn't need to be any delineation when we're all just slithering around in the pond. Right.

But once there's some of us are walking around on land. Before people knew that they could choose their own surname. This is the first. This is being allocated. Yeah, this is the first person to ever get bullied. This is the first. Ha ha, look at Muscle Man over there. This might be the first ever surname.

Yeah. Yeah, right. Look at Muscle Man and Frog cunt over there. Wow. What an honour to have someone with the first ever surname descended of. Subscribe to the show. That's awesome. First ever surname and the first ever bully victim. Yeah.

Pretty sick. All on the same day on the same beach. That's cool. There we go. That's all right. That's enough. That's not bad. That's no complaining about fucking, I don't know, like Arbor Day or whatever the fuck we're talking about. That's not bad that's no complaining about fucking I don't know

like Arbor Day or whatever the fuck we're talking about that's not bad for the worst day of our lives oh it's about to get worse for me

fucking hell alright thanks Knackers and it's a public holiday too we haven't even we haven't even pointed that out oh yeah we should be charging

these Patreon subscribers time and a half yeah penalty rates I got some penalty rates the other day did you? for the first time We should be charging these Patreon subscribers time and a half. Penalty rates. I got some penalty rates the other day. Did you? For the first time in a long time. Yeah, sure.

It was good. It was a nice little surprise. It's because there's no penalty rates in comedy. You know what? There's barely even actual rates that adhere to any other standard in any other industry. It's very fair. We're all going on strike because this isn't fair it's like wow yeah what's that like i wonder yeah yeah yeah you see in the

states like the writers guild are like always going on strike so it's like sorry there's no writers on colbert this week yeah because uh you know it's just not fair we're getting fucked over here it's like god imagine having that kind of power. Oh, man. And, well, especially considering in comedy, I would say this. I reckon the FIFA writing on TV and the FIFA stand-up in general has not changed in about 20 years. My friend was telling me the other day he got a raise at work and we were all like, oh, congrats. And he's like, well i it was just basically more like it's just one of those things that's in line with inflation so it's not like they've gone they they they are like you're doing a good job but it wasn't like he got a promotion

as part of it it was like yes everything's going up so this goes up yep and i was just flabbergasted i was like wow imagine that well the only thing you do i didn't even feel comfortable to put my ticket prices up by one fucking dollar and then i looked around at the state of like my rent went up my phone bill went up coffee's gone like everything's gone up i'm like god damn it i really missed a trick here that's what i was gonna say that's the only way of raising your own uh money is that yeah you put your comedy festival tickets up a little bit that's about it but you feel like in the arts you're like oh can't really budge on here. Absolutely.

Don't want to give people any reason to not. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, I agree. But yeah, fuck, man. Anyway, whatever. More complaining. Who cares?

Who fucking cares about our lives? No one. Barely us. Yeah. Thanks, Nathan Musselman. Thank you very much. Wow. Gee, we've gotman. Thank you very much. Wow. Gee, we've got a couple here this week.

Jesus. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Chris Bunnies. This is divine intervention. It's like, boys, you're feeling, you're up against it. Yeah. You're tired. You don't want to be doing this. Yeah.

Here's a week of softballs. Yeah. It's like, okay, we're going to do some skiing, but it's downhill this week. Yeah, as opposed to that. Well, sure, I think the actual uphill skiing where you're in the little track and it's dragging you up, you're literally doing nothing. Yeah, you've got the chairlift

this week, you get to just go down. You don't have to do any slaloming. We're just going down the hill this week. Nothing else. Try not to Sonny Bono yourself. Try not to Michael Schumacher yourself. But, yeah, that's about it. Yeah. Chris Bunnies.

Not just Chris Bunny. Multiple Bunnies. Multiple Bunnies. Yeah. Your daughter's into bunnies, right? Massively. I can see a few little stuffed bunnies around here. Absolutely.

She's packing to run away from home. There's a little suitcase stuffed with all the little toys she's uh this is the state she's in there if you care to look out the window she's she's she's certainly her father's daughter she got into her head you know like with kids you can't mention what's happening in the future too far ahead because it's like this is what we're doing in six months. Oh, you mean tomorrow? And I'll bring that up every minute until tomorrow. She's got no, you know, real valuation of the passage of time. Sure.

So we got told, you know, we told her about holidays. We're going to go for, you know, overseas in a couple of months. And that's turned into, well, is it tomorrow or is it the next day? It's like, no, it's a number of days away that you can't quite calculate. That's how long away it is. It's an actual percentage of your life. Yes. And that's turned into, all right, well, now she's just like cosplaying a holiday.

So she's going around, she's packing for the holiday. If you look at the door out in the balcony, she's used toys To construct a beach Out there So she's She's out there Sitting on a chair She's made sand

Out of building blocks And whatever the fuck else Seaweed I think She was trying to make And then she's put A little chair out there And she's sunbathing In an area that

I like it Does not cop any sun at all Yeah I like it Yeah Sorry I saw that Yeah I saw that suitcase And I was a bit worried I thought this was like She's planning an escape right no did you ever run away from

home as a kid yes yeah i did yeah i packed a little suitcase yep me too can't remember what i put in there i remember what i put in mine oh really yeah pornos no i wasn't no 16 yeah yeah it wasn't when i was 16 i remember running away from home but like just doing it in terms of a thing of going um uh you know you see it on tv i wasn't i was i don't think i was even upset with anything i just was like oh that's what people do yeah hey mom and dad i'm running away from home and they're like okay yep and then it's a rite of passage yeah yeah so then i found this little suitcase went okay i'm going now'm going now. And they're like, okay. And then I had packed in there, I reckon like maybe a bunny as well.

I remember having a couple of Arnott's mint slices in there. Okay. Yep. To just tide me over for the rest of my life. Yep. And we had a vacant block next door to our house. Okay. And so I literally just walked out of the house and then turned right and then went into that vacant block and just sat there for an hour.

And then unbeknownst to me, 20 minutes later, mum came out and went, so where is he? Has he just gone to his bedroom or where has he gone? No. And then just ripped up and down the streets looking for me. Oh, wow. Where the fuck is he? And I'm just sitting there under my third mint slice going, oh, I love my new life. Yeah.

I packed a little suitcase, walked down to the train station at the end of our street and then was like, I don't really know what to do from here. Right. I don't have any money for a ticket. Right. I guess I'll just walk back. Right. Parents not really too concerned.

Didn't notice you missing? No, I'd made a big song and dance about it. Oh, right. And I think they just let it go. They were just like, yeah, he'll be back. Yeah. It's time. Yeah.

Yeah. Which is, I kind of respect. That's a big call for a little kid to just hold your nerve and be like, no, he's just going out

to the streets alone but yeah, he's not going to get far. Also, for someone who spent that much money on bone marrow, et cetera,

and then gone, oh, just let this walk out the door. Oh, well, this is before that. Oh, this is before that.

Oh, okay. All right. That's all right. This is like, I probably would have been like, yeah, I don't know, eight, seven, eight?

Okay. Pretty young. Right. Little suitcase. Yeah. Go for a little walk. Yeah. Don't really know where anything is or how it works or how to get anywhere.

Yeah. Like literally at the train station just being like, I don't know how this, I don't know what this is. Yeah. I guess I'll just go back. I wonder what age I'm going to let my child walk out the house by herself. I don't know what age that would be. I guess I'll just go back. I wonder what age I'm going to let my child walk out the house by herself. I don't know what age that would be. I don't think it would be eight, but I'm not sure.

You don't think by age you'd be letting her out the front door? Not by herself. Maybe just like playing the street where you could like keep an eye on her? Yeah, I guess so. I guess maybe. I don't know. All the other neighborhood kids? Yeah.

There's not a lot of neighborhood kids around here it's a shame because your street is like a good neighborhood kid street yeah

you're a little cul-de-sac yeah there's no fucking kids you get some little cricket going that was always the dream

I grew up in a cul-de-sac it was just fucking awesome you can just all be in there just like playing we had like a

I think one of my friends dads like I was friends with like a bunch of kids in my street and we had like a street sign like a big friends dads like i was friends with like a bunch of kids in my street and we had like a street sign like a big kind of lamppost thing at the end of the street and one of the dads just like nailed up a basketball hoop at the end of the street yeah just in public yeah this is sick middle of summer we're just hanging out out there like maybe once you have a car come

home but it's like there's just four houses there so it's like yeah just one person comes home from the shops yeah gotta get out of the way for this car well the dream is that um there is when a little blanket is old enough for school which is next year uh for primary school um you know uh don't say names being like oh yeah what school and you know whatever like oh there's no discussion what school There is a school across the street from us. That's the fucking school. I don't give a fuck what rating it's got. It's over the road. That's the school. So we're not going to, there's no, you know, she was a private school girl or whatever.

Oh, sure, sure. What about this one? No, we're going to A, state school, and B, that one. Yeah. That I'm pointing at. Yeah. That we can see inside of right now. The dream.

Yeah. So that'll be, I don't think, look look i don't think she'll be walking there at age five by herself but it's also good at the moment i have to drive her to kinder and whatever but this is it's going to be a nice little walk to school from now on i'm gonna fucking love it it's gonna be good yeah when yeah my primary school was like uh up the road from our house. And at a certain point, my parents are like, hey, what about, how do you feel about walking up there by yourself? And you know, when you're a kid, you're like desperate to get that first little gasp of independence and just walking up and be like, oh my God, I'm a fucking, I can do any, I can fly a plane.

I'm an adult. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't get that. I think, I reckon, God, everything's so smaller than you remember it, but I reckon our house do any i could fly a plane yeah i'm an adult yeah yeah yeah i didn't get that i think i think i reckon god everything's so smaller than you remember it but i reckon our house to primary school and high school was about oh what i mean pushing 4k i reckon yeah okay so yeah didn't didn't didn't like didn't do i did a bit of riding school actually oh yeah yeah did the right the bike ride to school um but that was about it um but chris bunnies fuck we really haven't allocated enough to

bunnies to the name bunnies um uh but yes no my daughter is obsessed with with bunnies at the moment which is good which i i love because i had a favorite bunny when i was a kid a little toy bunny and so and she had the same thing and so we had like a real long process where we kept losing it and going oh my god we're dead yeah yeah yeah go back i did at least three of those where i was like running around the city trying to find this fucking bunny yep and then i don't know within about six like we had a good solid year or two of like obsessed with that bunny and now she's just sort of like left it alone and got new bunnies and i'm always like i'm the one pushing the nostalgia, but what about the favourite bunny?

She's like, let it go, dad. That's, yeah, that's a bit old. I've got a couple of fresh ones, freshies from Woolworths. Well, thanks, Chris. Thanks, Chris Bunnies. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Bryce Paulson. Hmm. Yeah.

Okay. You can't win them all. Our luck's run out. Can't win them all. Your daughter was dressed like a bee when I got here. She was. That was cute. Yes.

How many little outfits has she got? No. How many dress-ups has she got? She's got that one. I don't even know why. She's got two copies of a bee outfit. I don't know why. I don't know why one but she's got two. She's got that and she's got

a bunch of frozen dresses. Ah yes. Ones that I bought in Thailand that just you know you go over there and there. They've just got these absolutely unauthorized frozen you know, weirdly, weird fabric dresses that you wouldn't want to put a naked flame within fucking five meters of. Yeah.

Yeah. So she's got a bunch of those ones. But that's about it. Right. Yeah. I don't think anything beyond that. So the bee's not from anything? No, B is just like...

Is that a knock-off B-movie costume that you got in? Yeah, no. She's a big Seinfeld fan, but not the show. No, but you know when you get those outfits that you get at, I don't know, junk shops or $2 shops or whatever it is. And you get an Austin Powers dress- and it's like called Groovy Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they can't get the rights to it. Yeah.

So I think that one wasn't even called B. I think it was called C. They just like, they don't have the rights to the insect B. I do love that. Yeah, that is my favourite thing of just like, yeah, Borat's just like international reporter. Yes. Buzzy insect. Yeah. Yeah. thing of just like yeah borat's just like international reporter yes buzzy insect yeah yeah um yeah so that's what she's she's got up this morning i'm come on right what are we wearing today i'm i'm gonna be a b today okay fair enough pretty cool

all right fair enough it's good little good little costume the good yeah yeah it's not bad actually um little wings on there yeah yeah she had the wings stuck on. She had the little antenna on top of her head. She's committed. Yeah. A lot of kids would just be happy with the stripy top, and that'd do it. Yeah. But she's fully in.

She's got the whole thing. Yeah, she's got the... Apart from she left half the outfit out in the rain last week, and she had to go and fetch that, but whatever. Brendan Fraser in the whale. She's in the makeup chair for hours. Yes. Going full method for this B, wanting it to be a convincing performance.

Well, me helping to put on that outfit did feel like it was the make-up chair for hours, yes. Yeah, fucking absolute pain in the ass. But Bryce Paulson, the son of Paul. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bryce. Yeah, what do you think? I can't imagine...

It's not in the top 70 percentile of names for me, personally. I can't imagine a baby being called Bryce. Although there's a friend of the show, Conchita Caristo, her Triple J Breakfast co-host is called Bryce. And that's always struck me as an odd name for someone of his age. I think he's like, I guess he must be like early 20s, mid 20s. Right. And being called Bryce.

Do you think it's an old name? Just look at that generation being called Bryce. Do you think it's an old name? Kinda. Oh, I didn't really get that. I actually thought it wasn't an old name at all. Because what's in my head is Bryce Courtney. Oh, of course.

Which is an author who seems like they've been around for a billion years. That's probably unfair on my part. But just when the one other instance you know of the name is an author that you know your parents were into, it's like, well, this guy's a million years old.

To me, Bryce feels like maybe a child from a well-to-do family that has maybe a middle parting in his hair oh yeah sure yeah sure that's my image yeah okay yeah so yeah maybe slightly different but you know bryce courtney might may have been that kid as well yeah he might have a middle part for all we know yeah he could have one now as an old man yes just this eating alive i don't know i don't think he's probably not i think he's gone what's his uh Might have a middle part for all we know. Yeah. He could have one now as an old man. Yes. Just feeding. Alive? I don't know. I don't think he's alive.

Probably not. I think he's gone. What's his big hit? Power of One? Is that him or not? I think that's him, yeah. Is that him? That's his banger.

That's the one he gets a request for. That's the one he's playing four times in the one set. Yeah. Yeah. Bryce Courtney, let's have a look. Is he with us? He is not with us. Been not with us for nine on three years.

Power of One's the first one that comes up. What is it? You know those books that you know them by title, but you have no idea what they're about? It's like, is this an autobiography? Is it, you know? Something to do with South Africa, I'm pretty sure. Oh, really?

Okay. Yeah, that's all I know. That's all I know. You know, it's funny because it's like, okay, name one Bryce Courtney book. Boom, we both got that one. Yep. Name another one. Another one.

The Power of Two? No. Did he back it up? No. We need to go. We haven't told the entire story of the Power family yet. We need to go back in. The Power of One 2.

Yeah. Yeah, the sequel. Yeah. No, I mean, this is... The Power of 1.5. Yeah. That's the version with a few deleted scenes. Yeah, Power of 0.5, the prequel.

The prequel, yeah. Yeah. The Power of Zero. Jar Jar, what are you doing in this book? Yeah, look, this is a real family feud episode, isn't it? But it's... All right, so 97% of you picked The Power of One. What's the rest of you picked?

The Potato Factory and Tom Owen Hawke. Really? Those are the books. Give me the synopsis of The Power of One. Oh, fuck. Okay. How do we do this? It's what Bryce would want for his Patreon dollar.

Yeah. The Power of One. Let's skim the synopsis from Wikipedia. Let's go. Set in South Africa during the 30s and 40s, it tells the story of an English boy who, through the course of the story, acquires the name of P.K.

Okay. The author identifies P.K. as a reference to his earlier nickname, Piss Cop, which is Afrikaan for piss head. Well, I don't regret getting into the synopsis of this. All right, this book actually sounds all right. Yeah, okay. Maybe I should dig it out. Yeah.

It is written from the first-person perspective with P.K., a first person perspective with pk aka pisshead narrating as an adult looking back and trusting the reader with his thoughts and feelings as opposed to a detailed description of places and accounts of action well that doesn't really fucking describe what happens but i'm not getting into the plot summary you know what it's like sometimes with i find like with novels that become really popular, they often have titles that make you think like, this is some like wussy kind of boring pile of shit. And then you kind of like dig into the synopsis a bit and you're like, this sounds awesome. Do you know the book Boy Swallows Universe?

Yes. Read it recently. It's so good. Is it? It's like – it's such like a sort you know, it's such like a sort of, oh, boy swallows universe. You know, you think it's going to be this, oh, this is all uplifting.

And it's like, it's about a kid whose dad is a drug dealer. It's all like Brisbane suburban, like underworld, like crime families. It's sick. It's a great book. Okay. It's so much like grittier and like more interesting than that title would make you think.

How many books you reckon you've got waiting for you on the shelf at the moment? I actually have closed the loop on about three of them in the last week. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Literally books that I had 20 pages to go. Yeah. And then walking past a shop and being like, I pretty much finished that other one.

I better re-up. Better stock up and get a new one. Right. And then start reading that, get hooked. Same thing happens. Right. But I finally babushka dolled my way back through most of the ones that were sitting there. How many are sitting there waiting to go now?

I think maybe only one. But I mean ones that you haven't even started yet that you're meaning to start. No, I think I'm done. You've gone through through i think i'm gone all the way back through yeah wow nice yeah i reckon i've got five or six okay yeah easy very slow going at the moment yeah i gotta work out what i'm gonna what i'm gonna dive into next i yeah i actually put that on my to-do list I put every day I put like read 20 pages just to make myself do it yeah

anyway thanks Bryce Paulson thanks Bryce interesting conversation on books yeah the power of one whatever the fuck else we run about alright just one more we are

yeah look I need to get out of here you know what I'm doing? I'm meeting Lawrence Mooney to go to the football, but he's also very, yeah, very weirdly, or maybe we should save this, but yeah, we can talk about it maybe. He invited me to come and see him perform before the football. Oh, cool.

Yeah, at a gig. So, yeah, I have to, Yeah, weird thing of a comic going, yeah, let's go to the footballs. Yeah, no worries. But you have to come and watch me do stand-up comedy first. Yeah, it's like bring your child to work day. Okay. Yeah.

But luckily, watching Lawrence and Minnie perform, always great. One of the few people I'd be like, okay, I won't go to the toilet. I'll see what's going on here. Yep. One more. Thank you very much.

We've had some odd names so far on this. Sure have. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. Yeah, okay. There's something weird.

And also, a name I thought was quite rare, but is more common the more time goes on today. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Pisshead Comedy. Oh, wow. Talking about books, I was really worried that it was going to be JK Comedy. No.

No, because we cancelled her subscription. Well, thanks Pisshead Comedy. Yep. And thank you, loyal subscribers and listeners. We'll be back next week.

Yeah, we got those two studio eps ready to go, and they're good. Yeah, they're good. Look forward to them. Yep. Thanks for listening, guys. So I hope you don't go full blanket style and go, yep, oh, there's an episode out next week. You mean tomorrow?

Yep. No, sorry. Sorry. If there's any three-year-old, four-year-old listeners out there, next week means seven sleeps, okay, guys? Sit there and pretend. Seven sleeps. Sit on the balcony and pretend you're listening to a new episode tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah. Get some building blocks and turn them into a new episode and pretend you're listening to them. Yep. See you, mate. See ya.