The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 657 - Daniel Sloss & Nick Cody

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

We're dusty as hell after the Comedy Festival but we're also slaves to the content so we're cramming an episode in with visiting mate DANIEL SLOSS and his Australian wife NICK CODY! Tommy's dad has been mourning the passing of an Australian icon in a very unusual manner, Karl's had a disappointing and nonsensical visit to Nandos, Sloss obviously talks about potatoes for a bit, and Cody's dismantling his fridge. Plus I'M SURE heaps of other stuff - this was recorded ages ago! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

G'day, legends. This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club is proudly brought to you by King of Comedy himself, Brett Blake, and his new show, Dog Act. Brisbane and Sydney, if you are from there, listen up. Sydney, I'm there Thursday, May 11 to Sunday, May 14 at the Enmore Theatre, the big room. No, the small one out the back, but whatever. At 6.50pm and Brisbane, you moron fucks. I'm there at the Powerhouse, Tuesday, May 16 to Sunday the 21st at 8.15. I would love to see all you guys down there. It would be awesome. It's a great show full of bangers. If you want to buy tickets, just jump into my Instagram, atbreddyblake.

All the links are in my bio. I would love to see you there, but enjoy the latest episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Fuck you, Carl. Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick Cody and Daniel Sloss. If you want to see us live and you live in Brisbane, well, good luck. May the 20th. You can come see us. Yes.

Presumably. Yeah. If tickets aren't sold out have a have a have a go you know what i'm i'll be trying to do is here's a here's a little um cheat code thing uh hit us up if tickets have sold out and we'll see what we can do in terms of uh selling you tickets independently uh because we're going through like a weird ticketing agency or whatever okay and we might be able to squeeze more people in on the day okay yeah yeah let us know It's independently because we're going through like a weird ticketing agency or whatever. And we might be able to squeeze more people in on the day.

Okay. Yeah. Let us know. Let us know. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Have a look over there. Also, if you're in Brisbane, I am doing my solo show, Scam Artist at Good Chat Comedy Club on the 18th of May at 8.30.

So it's a couple of days before the live podcast. Show went great in Melbourne. Looking forward to doing it up there. One night only. Get your tickets, goodchatcomedy.com. We'll talk to you more at the end of this episode in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then, enjoy this new episode with Daniel Sloss and Nick Cody. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. With me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Nick Head. And joining us today, two very special little boys. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Nick Cody and Daniel Sloss. Yes. International comics.

I mean, you know, he's from another country. You're from a country. Yeah. That's international. We've done it. Depends where you're listening to's from another country. You're from a country. Yeah. That's international. We've done it. Depends where you're listening to this from. That's a good point. Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks for having us here in your palatial hotel rooms. Daniel Sloss. Yeah. After playing your massive stadium gigs. Yes. And now we're... Very successful.

And we've just timed this beautifully for you to be absolutely hungover and could not give a fuck about talking to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Didn't even put on shoes to come and meet us in the lobby. That's the bit I liked. You don't need to. Oh, did you? No.

That is awful. Fucking, how's new money over here? I liked before we did the pod when you were talking about the size of the gigs you were doing here and you're like, comedy just doesn't belong in a venue over 3,000 people. I was like, yeah, I agree. I agree. It is too many.

We think that about 30 people, man, Tommy. I had 60 in at my festival show one night. I was like, the vibe's off in here. I can't really connect on a personal level. Ten of you need to leave. People at the back can barely see me over the first three rows. Just becomes too unpersonal. Yeah.

But, yeah, lovely to have you, Slice. Yeah, but it's good to be back on. Why do you have to wish you to the hotel lobby? Would you – the fact that I've never had to explain this. Why do I have to breathe to stay alive? If it was a scummy hotel, like if it was a fucking travel lodge, absolutely.

But they clean this place regularly. What you're trying to say is if it was a place where you guys stay, I'd put shoes on. Have you partaken of the Sopranos restaurant that's around the corner from where you're staying? Oh, yeah. There's a restaurant called The Sopranos restaurant that's around the corner from where you're staying? Oh, yeah. There's a restaurant called the Sopranos

next to where Heggie was staying. Yeah, a big mural of the great man himself out the front. Also got the logo and everything out the front. Absolutely not affiliated with HBO in any way. Just went for it. Just decided to do it. We're safe on City Road. HBO aren't going to come looking for us.

David Chase isn't going to be driving past one day. Unless David Chase is going into the Herald and Weekly Time building opposite I reckon we're safe it's the same energy as the fucking ice cream vans

that just have pictures of the Simpsons oh yeah I love that the Mickey Mouse ice cream van they're just like you're not going to fucking sue us

it's like man I don't think you understand how bored Disney gets and how much they fucking love money they love it yeah

very litigious company did I ever tell you about being in New York and I went on the Sopranos tour with my dad it was like 10 years ago one of the characters I think it was

Fat Pussy was selling bloody merch next to the bus at the start of the morning so obviously hadn't been saving and um sanctioned or he just like

knows where it is and just turns up out of his boot no but was he part of the tour or does he just know where the tour well no one stopped him because he was does he know where the tour stops

and then he just walks up there like he's above the tour you know what I mean it's like even if it's not he would just pull up in his car and sell stuff that's what we're asking he's not part of the tour

he just knows the route like they're not getting to the end and going and now of course a special treat big pussy selling merchandise he's gone off grid that's sick why don't I call him

fat pussy I don't know no it's big pussy isn't it it's big pussy yeah mixed up google searches with sopranos

going but we get on the bus and the tour guide it's literally just taken off and dad and I are dusty as fuck on a Sunday morning.

And he's like, it's a beautiful day in New York. This is the tour guide. He goes, nice day to get whack. And my dad's at the back and just goes, aboo. That's sick too because barely any of the show is actually in New York. It's all Jersey. It's all Jersey. So is the bus just like Picking you up in New York

And then just driving you Yeah through the tunnel All the way out to Jersey Yeah through the tunnel Mad Past some of the signs Went to the strip club Great

Went to the restaurant Where it ended Is he blasting that theme As he's driving you around Yeah there's a lot of the theme Getting played Yeah fuck yes And it only goes for four minutes

Yeah And the two is a lot longer Yeah Yeah Mad theme song Yeah Great There's a lot of the theme getting played. Yeah, fuck yes. And it only goes for four minutes and the two is a lot longer. Mad theme song. Great. I was listening to it the other day just for no reason. Yeah. It's a good,

it's just a solid theme song. I went and saw that band live and the whole gig I was like, why am I here? And then they ripped out the theme and I was like, ah, yes, this is why. This has justified the last hour of my life.

I would absolutely go and see laszlo bain live if i knew they were going to do the scrubs fucking yeah man i'd fucking sit through i would sit through an hour and a half of whatever the rembrandt's other fucking songs are to get to the friends you'd have to imagine that's a case where it's like they're doing it in the main set and then bringing it back no absolutely i was gonna say they're all bands that play that song twice i reckon yeah i saw daryl braithwaite and he did horses like where it's like they're doing it in the main set and then bringing it back for the encore no absolutely I was going to say they're all bands that play that song twice I reckon

they have to I saw Daryl Braithwaite and he did Horses like no joke like four times just kept ripping it out but that's what you that's what you got

I can't remember who it was in Best of All but she walked on stage and she knew we were all there for one fucking song from one fucking movie

and she was like look I'm going to do it now and I'm not going to do it again so if you just hear that song you can all fuck off afterwards and if you're real fans you can stick around i love that oh and i'm like fucking yes thank you that's how it should be done and what's the ratio of people walking out after that oh i imagine an upsetting amount for her imagine it being one of those things where someone got crushed to death at the gig but it was through people leaving after you played the hit not Not only do I have to deal with this,

it's also so shameful and embarrassing. Yeah, it's like, what, do they rush to the stage? No, the opposite. The other way. The hit was over. They really called her bluff. I like that. Yeah.

I saw Burt Kreischer the other night, and someone, as he walks out, went, Shooey! And then people started chanting Shooey. I hate this country. And he's like... I hate living here. No, hey, that's the audience he gathered.

That's on him. Yeah, they were yelling shooey at the shirtless man who's known for drinking a lot. Yeah, yeah. It's almost not on them. How dare you disrespect the art of the man walking out without a shirt. I don't want to word it this way,

but he was asking for it. Yeah, walking around not dressed like that. They go, shoo they go shooey shooey and then he's like I'm not doing and then people started booing

and he's like I'll do a shooey you fucking but do you think I would open with a shooey and then people are like ah fair point

everyone relaxes you're right that is a hard energy to just sustain for the rest of the year if you're doing that minute two oof.

And he also had a bunch of beers on stage and any time he'd open one, he would just scull the beer. So I'm like, could have done a shoo-ee. Yeah, right. Never sipped a beer. Yeah. Would start a story and just go, blah, throw it back and then, oh, that's interesting.

We saw Tim Key's show during the festival and he puts away like four beers over the course of a show and it's like, it's kind of part of the show, which I just love. Like, you must have days where you're like, like if you've had a huge one the night before, you're like, oh Christ, I've got to drink during work tonight. Yeah, but I don't think they were,

watching that show, they weren't really load-bearing beers. Like if he had not drunk those beers, the show would have been fine. Yeah, I know, but I don't think they were, watching that show, they weren't really load-bearing beers. Like, if he had not drunk those beers, the show would have been fine. Yeah, I know, but I think in his head, he'd be like, the beers need to be there. Also, man,

fucking, I do half a bottle of whiskey on stage. Do you? Yeah, man. The whiskey he went on, Marlene, well, backstage, at Sloss' show,

and there's this fucking whiskey board, and Marlene is like, don't touch that one, that's Sloss's one And I'm like I wasn't going to take That obscene amount of whiskey To be my

Like I thought it was apple juice That's how much there was in there Are you doing Are you doing whiskey Out of the shoe At any point in the gig No

No But because I'm a Self indulgent wanker It makes me look Just fucking Class How long is your show Two fucking hours.

Jesus Christ. Interval? No. Interval after Kai. Yeah, Kai. Oh, okay. It's self-indulgent wank, but it's like,

this is my favourite part of the world to gig at just because I've been coming in for so long, but doing it at this level is fucking class. And most of my fans are like, I'm not here for another two and a half fucking years. So I'll do two hours and not feel too fucking guilty about it. And most of my fans are like, the longer, I'm not here for another two and a half fucking years. Like, you know, so I'll do two hours and not feel too fucking guilty about it.

If I was in Edinburgh and like I was going to be able to drive home after, I'd be like, I reckon I can make this 45. Like I could definitely, like when really push comes to shove. You're over here, you got nowhere to go.

No way. My son's not five minutes away. My fucking fiance's not five minutes away. I'm like, oh yeah, I'll stay up here and talk the whole fucking time. What are yous going to do? Leave? All right, as if I'll notice. Bing, bang, boom.

My sister's good. Good night. Arrivederci. I'm three sips of this whiskey and I said my sister's good. But then my sister's good. That pussy strikes again. Oh, fat tongue. But then just giving it a bit of My sister's That pussy strikes again Oh fat tongue But then just Just giving it a bit

Of my sister's dead And then ripping out The shoe eater clothes After that like Yeah I know what you're here for I heard I heard two great Being at gig stories

Last night From a friend of mine Who's not in comedy He was telling me A family friend of his Had been to a gig recently And taken his son along. The son's like 15.

First comedy gig this kid's gone to. And I'll say in advance, I got to the end of the story and then I said to my friend, you've got to text this family friend and find out who the comedian was. And he did, and the guy doesn't remember.

So maybe by putting this out in public, we might be able to find out who this was. But this is, so takes the kid along. Kid wants to sit up the front. 15, first comedy show. He's really excited. Sits up the front.

The comedian comes out and he's like, oh, you're a young fella, you know. Are you here with your dad? Is this your dad? And he's like, yeah, yeah, that's my dad. And the comedian's like, and what's your dad do? And this kid goes, he's an investment banker. And the comedian on stage just turns and just looks at the dad and goes, you fucking cum-sucking fucking rat cunt.

Just fucking obliterates this man. Just no jokes. Just you're everything that's wrong with the world. You should go home and kill yourself. And then it's like just they're in the car on the way home, and this kid who's just clearly in that vibe of like, my dad's my hero, just like in the passenger seat being like, dad, why did that man say that to you?

And why did everyone clap? Uncovered in beer, people started throwing things. Why did that man have a shirt on? How come he didn't drink out of a shoe? Yeah, fucking rough stuff. That turning point of that age of just where you have to realise like, oh, my dad does a job that means people hate him. Man, I did refund people that went to my late night show,

that tried to get to the late night show the other night. It was eight 15-year-olds that got knocked back from an 11pm show and they're like, what the fuck? I'm like, what do you mean, what the fuck? It's 11 p.m. on a Saturday night, and you're trying to go to a pub. You didn't let them get in. I wanted to take their money.

Right, right. The bouncer didn't. Take their pocket money. Yeah, like, he asked for ID, and the kids were like, they just laughed. They're like, we're not even going to try this one. Come on, idiots. There's eight of you.

You need four trench coats. Yes. And four this one. Come on, idiots. There's eight of you. You need four trench coats and four piggybacks. Come back in here. Fuck, that's brutal. The other one he told me was he was at like a client's Christmas party at the end of last year. And it's like older workplace. Everyone's like, yeah, pretty senior. And the person organizing the christmas

party had booked an austin powers impersonator to come up and it's just like these people these people at this workplace were already like too old for austin powers the first time around like they've just they've just missed it right so they're just sitting there it's bombing and he's like this guy's like walking around with the austin powers music on just calling the like just pointing out the ceos and saying they're shagadelic and asking if he makes them horny. And he's like, I've never seen anything bombed that bad. And this guy lived with me for three years,

so he knows what he's on about. And he goes, the best bit, he's got the mic, and the boss's daughter is up the front. And he goes, oh, yeah, you're a sexy lady. How old are you? And he just holds the mic up to her and everyone in the room hears her go, 15.

Just like, he just clearly in his head like, in his head being like, I don't want to give them any excuse to not pay me. I've just got to plow on. Just like everyone in the room being like, oh my God. I assume that phone's not ringing often.

The Austin Powers impersonator. If it is, that's always the type of booking where I'm like, you know people are just booking you to make fun of you. Exactly, yes. You're being brought on a stag do, not because the buck really likes Austin Powers. It's because they had an extra 300 bucks and they think you're lame yeah well i want to point which is what makes this story so much sadder because he

would have turned up to this christmas lunch being like finally a genuine booking where i get the chance to actually do my shtick and people will enjoy it and then he's assaulting a 15 year old no but it's not only that. I think it's always like, it's like when you get a group booking for stand-up comedy. It's like, oh, there's 12 people coming, and you go, one person wants to come to stand-up comedy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 11 people are being dragged along.

I think one person thought Austin Powers was a good idea. The entire rest of the party are like, what the fuck is this? That would be nice if the comedy festival sent out a thing at the end of the festival. It's just like, hey, it's a one-'s one question survey were you the booker or were you dragged along we just want to get the percentage of tickets that's good to know yes how many tickets sold where i was dragged along yeah right yeah i could i could tell you from my audience my audience

is 60 percent women and 30 percent their boyfriends who they dragged along. Oh, you're like the anti-Luke Heggie. You've got all normal people and girls and he's got all the angry white 45 year old loners that are with concealed weapons. 60% women and 30% their boyfriends. So a lot of throuples coming to see you.

And then just 10% damaged people. And by the way, a lot damaged people and by the way a lot of the women are damaged a lot of the boyfriends are damaged as well but it's a it's a lot of fucking introverts coming outside for the first time the opposite my fans are fucking losers man here's how fucking lame my fans are excuse me you're talking to podcasters every single show i do the security of the Oscars will always be like Man you've got some of the sweetest fans In the world and I'm like

That's so fucking lame Like it's never They're doing coke in the bathroom It's always like they tidied up after themselves Like Japanese football fans But this is how weird he's Like we went out the front after the show It's like 20 minutes after it's ended, 25 minutes.

They've given people time to leave. All he's done, he had a black T-shirt, black jeans on. I think he changed jeans and shoes. And he had a hoodie on. So he's gone outside in a hoodie. The hood's not over. The hood was just sitting there. And he's asking people if they have a lighter so he can light a joint.

And people are like, no, I don't have a lighter. Please move on. I wasn't expecting to meet you and know all of my anxieties kicked in i'm like oh god you're just a bunch of gazelles no but the the first few were just like don't don't have a lighter i don't have a lighter and then someone went it's sloths and people went fuck it's sloths yeah it's like i was scared of him asking right it's like superman take my wallet yeah he's like superman dressed up as clark k Kent but without putting the glasses on

or anything my favourite thing and it's so common in Australia it happens in Australia way more than any other country is I will be in

Canberra I'll be in Melbourne I'll be in fucking Sydney I'll be sat down having a fucking pint and someone will come over and be like oh my god Daniel Sloss

I'm your biggest fan and I'll be like are you coming to the show tonight yep you're doing a show yep and you're like what the fuck man yeah it's every single I'm your biggest fan I'll be like Are you coming to the show tonight? You're doing a show? Yep I go What the fuck man

Yeah It's every single Every single time I'm glad that it even happens to you Because we keep all that I saw it this morning I saw the ultimate The ultimate disrespect this morning

The guy that came up to us In the food court And he must have went Sloss I'm the biggest fan I went to the live podcast And Kai's show But I didn't get to your show Wow Red I'm the biggest fan. I went to the live podcast and Kai's show, but I didn't get to your show.

Wow. Redefine the biggest fan, because there's 3,000 people in front of you then. When it's an interruption too, like I've had people, like I've got their headphones, clearly got the AirPods in, and someone comes up and they're like,

you know, you're making me take my headphones. Oh yeah, huge fan. Now I got to say, I'm not coming to the show today. And it's like, mean you've you've cut me off from it you know what i mean it's like you've got to have a ticket if you want the earphones coming out i know we're all complaining about the same thing but it's like the venue so i've sort of basically managed like basement comedy club during the festival heaps of shows in there so because of that there's a lot of friends of the show doing solos there's showcases whatever so i'm constantly running

into people going oh i've been in the pod whatever and i've stopped asking if they're coming to the live podcast because i don't want to fucking hear the answer i know the answer is the answer is no yeah i just want to say this and then if i i if i just stop it there that feels happy for me because i don't i know the second part is gonna be a horrible dismount where someone lands nose first on the fucking mat i I hope this doesn't upset you, Carl. I'm seeing everything in the festival but the live show. All the people you've introduced me to, I'm

moving on to them and I'm leaving you behind. Going up to that Austin Powers impersonator and being like, huge fan, loved what you did today. Bit awkward, I've got to say. I've never actually seen the spy who shagged me. Hope that doesn't make you feel too bad. Yeah, I went and saw the Mini-Me movie, but I didn't see that. Why don't you know those

agencies that just look after impersonators so they'll have like, you know, you can book a bore at a Dame Edna in Austin Powers, whatever it is. If you ran one of those companies, they should just put a show on in the festival. They should be like the best of impersonators and it's just a line-up show of all their talent just getting up

and doing their Ali G show of all their talent just getting up and doing their uh doing their leg doing all their hits that'd be fucking awesome good year to be the day medina manager oh yeah the impressionist did he did he done it he done it dying he did he did it brown bread he gone gone yeah sorry as australians how does that make you feel as Australians how does that make you feel well I don't mind like

is this like your Diana it's oh no Steve Irwin was your Diana yeah except the Queen didn't kill Steve Irwin

it's just opened up a chance for them for the Comedy Festival to name the award after me now so yeah another famous transphobe

I texted by the time this comes out this is like it happened two weeks ago Yeah, another famous transphobe. I texted, by the time this comes out, this is like it happened two weeks ago, the passing of Barry Humphries. That's fine now. Yeah, he calls comedy. I sent a photo. I got a photo with Dad and Barry Humphries when Barry Humphries did a thing for the festival a few years ago.

I just sent Dad the photo of the three of us yesterday and he wrote back and he was like, yeah, it's really sad sad isn't it um we've got our flag flying at half mast today a real thing my parents have a flagpole at their house flag the australian flag oh my god in their garden yeah are they queuing on people no they just i don't know dad just likes being able to represent hold on i don't like like Carl's first question was, with what flag on it? Not, why the fuck do you have a flagpole cut? No, but I'm confused.

Are you a Maccas or an RSL? Where do you live? Do you live in an old pizza hut? I can tell by the roof. I do want to get them some other flags just to mix it up. They've got British, Australian and American. Do they? Yeah. So on 9-11 they would put

the American flag up at half. The ISIS flag, of course. No, because I had a bone marrow transplant when I was a kid. My donor was American.

So July the 4th they've got the flag up. My bone marrow donor's birthday, they'll have the American flag up. Really? I say they.

There's really only one person in the household lobbying for this. I don't think mum could give a fuck one way or the other. Okay. Did the house come with the flagpole and your dad was like, oh, well, we should just utilize this? Or is your father such a fucking psychopath that he was like, flagpole, first thing.

We'll finish the second bathroom in a couple weeks. Now, you're going to be in a couple weeks now you're going to be at a disadvantage here because you've not met my family but how about we all go around the horn and we guess which one it is oh look i'm definitely going with the weirdest option for sure yeah it's because your parent this is not like your childhood home no they've only been there for what 10 years or something like that yeah something like that so they moved in yep he installed the flagpole. That's what happened, yeah.

Where do you get a flagpole, man? Well, you're missing a step here. I had to help facilitate this. Okay. So I was roped in to get on eBay and help him track one down. He's like, why would you say... What, from just failed fucking embassies? Like, where do you...

Like, from countries like East Germany's like, hey, we don't need it anymore like we're all together i really want a flagpole can you help me find one on the internet and get it shipped and so i'm like looking through ebay and i find one and i'm like sending it to him i'm like send me the money and i'll just order it for you how much do flagpoles go for i can't remember but i do remember him like getting the thing back and then like you know he's asked me to do it I've like found one for him yeah and then he's like getting the shits he's like

oh it says the postage is gonna be really high yeah it's a fucking flagpole dad it's coming from the closing down sale at the Kabul US

Embassy yeah dad just like watching the news like one of those countries like goes under he's like yes so is it like do you reckon

we need a sudanese flag just kicking off at the airport this would be the time yeah i should get him a mac as one and uh i need to get it just depends what happens in your life because what's he got so he's got australian just for general purposes he's got american just to celebrate the birthday of when your bone marrow transplant person was born. Yes. And significant American holidays as well. It's going up. It does all of them. At half mast when, you know, British flag at half mast when the Queen passed away.

Fuck off, man. What? I would fucking kick your dad's head. I'd love nothing more for the fucking Queen. Jeez. So like July 4th, right? It's going up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Columbus Day. Columbus Day, I don't think he's as tapped into. Probably not. So July 4th, is he only celebrating America again because of the donor, or is this just a general respect for the country? I think if it weren't for the link, like the personal link to the country, I don't think he would give a fuck one way or the other. Your bone marrow donor's getting like three days out of this really it's all linked to him

essentially yeah right has there been a ukraine flag at any point oh great question i know to be honest i reckon and as much as i respect your dad and he's a nice guy and everything i think he'd be more likely to put the russian yeah that was that was going to be, because I'm like, if it's America and Britain, those are two, if you love those countries, you fucking love evil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are your two

favourite fucking countries. I have more in common. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. There are a bunch of slurs that you're angry that you can't say anymore. The world's moved to, your favourite countries

are the UK and fucking America. You've denied genocides and celebrated others. Proudly flying on the day the Brexit vote got through. Woo! I think it comes up on Netflix. If you like these two countries, you might also like this other one. Yeah, the Australia Day, the Australian flag,

proudly flying on that day. And, you know, they're living in Brighton, so I don't think they can Australian flag proudly flying on that day. And, you know, they're living in Brighton, so I don't think they get really any pushback on that whatsoever. No angry knocks on the door. Yeah, because I sort of, I guess I think of flags being raised on days like that with a bit more like, you know, white trash sort of suburban, whatever. Absolutely. Yeah, but your parents are like well off and like, you know, you know but those people are also racist right okay yeah it's it's it's nationalism and that sort of pride of your thing right right i didn't think they should they yeah i agree i didn't think they promoted it in that way i thought that was the the dumb dude way of doing

look the american thing i think is kind of sweet in the sense of like hey someone from this country saved our child's life you know we go you know i i kind of that American thing I think is kind of sweet in the sense of like, hey, someone from this country saved our child's life. You know, we go, you know, I kind of that link I think is like kind of sweet. But putting the Australian flag at half-mast because Barry Humphrey's up is just absurd. And also, does the Aussie flag

go up on your birthday? Oh, great question. It does not. I want on my birthday, I want both of them going up. I want the Australian and the American. Because I've technically got American blood. Get them both up there on August 25th. You make a Tommy flag.

Put your own face on a flag. That's great. Yeah, get that right. Okay, I'm going to, yes. And also, get him to celebrate the birthday of our podcast. The thing that employs you, that's kept you away from asking your mum for money for the last 12, 13 years. October, whenever it was,

first episode with Nick Cody, so we just have Cody's face on the flag as well, has to go up. Well, you were the first guest, so there'd be no podcast without you. So on your birthday, we have the Cody flag going up.

Oh, okay, yeah, great, okay. And I remember that. Were you the first fucking guest? Yeah, and I remember being a bit drunk on the first one, and thank God things have changed. Sloss, I've got that photo of your dick from when you wore a kilt on a live podcast,

and I put my camera phone up there. I'll get that printed onto some fabric. You also did his wedding. I was telling this story, and I was like, Tommy Little at your wedding was so fucking drunk, and he was like, he's like,

I've heard you've got a fucking big cock, and he went to take a photo underneath and he went I deleted it because it made me sad Tommy Little rolled into my wedding blind

he'd been at a boxing match he'd been at a boxing fight in Adelaide the night before and flew in and then took a limo from the airport

to the wedding which is out in the country yeah out in Gisborne about 45 minutes outside of melbourne and i remember i was taking a everyone's waiting and i was around the side just shitting myself took a piss in a bush and little came up behind me and just tried to kick me into the bush he's like big wedding boy just put me i'm gonna fuck i'm trying not to piss all over myself and he said i got you a gift he said, I got you a gift. Kisses me. Goes, I got you a gift.

And just hands me his DVD from like 2010. And I go, you fucking idiot. And throw it. And he goes, there's a lot of cash in there. And the message that he'd written drunk in the thing was like, make sure you have this on when you make your first child. And did you? Yeah.

And the second. It's tradition. What? You had the cash on you? Yeah. And the second. It's tradition. What? You had the cash on you? No, the DVD. The little DVD on the back of my head. In the DVD sleeve.

Yeah. Yeah, no, Lucia still charges them. Yeah. Absolutely. He just leaves it on her bedside table just from his.

I'm fine with a condom but it's going to cost you more for bareback, all right? Can't I get a discount after all this time please next time

next time you guys win a radio rating survey Cody I'll get the Fox FM logo proudly flying

at full mast down there in Brighton you just want something for every day can you do a test for me just to find out what type of man

your father is during the night get to his house put up the LGBT flag, and let's just see how long he leaves it up there for. Because then we'll know. Because if he wakes up in the morning and it's like fucking 7am or 6am or every time old people wake up and he puts it and he sees that flag, does he run downstairs to take it down?

Yeah, that's a good point. They're going away soon. I think I'm going to have to go around there and like water some plants and stuff. So I just go in there. Guess what, cunts? Under new management. You've got the trans flag proudly flying up there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And let's just see, because if he, man, imagine if he fucking sprints out the door. You're like, I did not know that about my dad. Yeah. I'd honestly be more-

In his boxers? It's like, get it down! Very waspy neighbourhood. I'd be really interested to see what the response from the neighbours is. Just dad, I had to raise the flag because it just rained. That's what we do after it rains. We have the rainbow flag. That's all it is.

It's to celebrate rainfall. Tricking him. Not using it as an opportunity to have a conversation and open his mind. Got him. Hood winking him. Suckered into tolerance. Okay, I'll try and get this going. I'll try and get another flag into the rotation.

Get a couple in, I reckon. Yeah, I like it. Because it's time to shake it up. Yeah. Australian, British and American. Yeah. It's time to start diversifying. Yeah.

Diversifying the portfolio. I had lunch yesterday. I don't like to, this will actually surprise you, I don't like to kick up a stinking customer service. Oh, no. You're a seethe for decades afterwards. Yeah, yeah. You won't kick off there.

No, totally. I'll do that with other instances, but with shops, I have a thing for shops because my parents always had shops. I grew up in shops. So customers are the enemy for me yeah people i'm barracking yeah the people even if they fuck me over yeah i get it i get it i've been one of you or my or you could be my mom yeah that sort of thing right but uh i was in a i was in a nando's the other day and uh i got i sat down mom and pop store yeah yeah supporting small business. Just quickly, can I, here's something. Supporting small Portuguese business.

Your mum is now a nan. Is her name Doze by any chance? You know how Nando's in the UK, it's kind of fancy? Yes. Like it's, you know, dine-in. Well, fancier. Yeah. It's fancy because the ceiling's lower.

Yeah, yeah, right. Sure, sure. You know what I mean? Nando's is. But it's dying in people you know people would like take a date there

it's like a different experience to what it is here is it I was I think so it's infinite it's definitely better than Nando's here

like it's more but it's a bit you know it's you know it starts out it's working no yeah it's working class

bougie they're like oh we all today we're going to Nando's it's hard it's really gone down in my estimations, to be honest, because the one I've always affiliated in my mind with Nando's, the one Nando's, is the one in Bourke Street, Melbourne,

and it was the one that deliberately stayed open whenever all the anti-vax marches were on, and they're just like, fuck it, let's get the money in. And it was just chockers with fucking head cases in there the whole time, going, hey, fucking idiots need chicken too. Yeah, that's true. Yep. What kind of basting do you want?

Yeah. Whichever one has the least fucking microplastics. Oh, the spicy, super spicy. Okay. So I think it would, I reckon McDonald's should do this. There should be one country in the world where it's like, you know, your friend comes back from Sweden and you're like, how was the trip?

And they're like, this is going to sound insane. But Macca's is like really fancy over there. It's like table service. They serve you on China. And here's the concept. It's the one Macca's in the world where the burgers look like they do on the menu. You know, they look like they do in the ads.

Not some slop in a box. Like an actual... They never go in the paper. You have to just bring them straight out. $30. Have you heard the... I think you go in the paper. Yeah. And it's like $30. Have you heard the... I think you may have told me. Did I learn it on here? The Macca's University?

No. The like college? No. It's like in Illinois or Indiana. It's somewhere in the States where there's this McDonald's where a bunch of the staff learn how to become Macca's employees. But the Macca's there has the McDonald's from all the McDonald's around the world. Oh. In one Macca's. Oh, right. A Macca's food court. It's the fucking UN, Macca's there has the McDonald's from all the McDonald's around the world. In one Macca's.

Oh, right. It's the fucking UN. International Food Court of Macca's. Wait, so they train you with this one Macca's, how to make Macca's for all the different parts of the world. No, I think just the Macca's there. And then you go off on like your, it's like being a missionary. Could I interest you in a fish fillet?

No, it's just got every every Maccas from around the world in one McDonald's that's brutal that you went I heard a Maccas fact

must have been from one of you well I listen to you a lot and the logo is a burger yeah it's very true hey that's a flag that's a future flag

so sorry yeah you were in Nando's yeah I was in Nando's and I they crossed the line with me which was this i got the i got the meal and then uh sat down had a a wrap or something had the chips had the coke open the coke no no sound at all i opened it up that's the best bit yeah and it's just the it's just it's just black cordial just

absolutely flat as a tack now the other thing has the seal been broken on the are we talking can or are we talking no bottle bottle glass bottle

no no plastic bottle so just no no sound which I'm like death rattle no good yeah

because the other thing about about me is is that I cannot abide with any form of lack of carbonation with soft drink. Like, I won't cop it at all. Like, even as a kid, like, if my mum would buy, like, a two-litre bottle of Coke as a treat and be like, okay, we'll have this for dinner and then the next day for lunch, like, do you want to have the glass?

I'm like, no, I'm done with that bottle. Thank you, mother. That's it for me. It's been open for about six hours, and that's too long for me. I need it fresh, or I don't want it. Did you do the champagne, put a spoon in the...

What's that? You know how people put a spoon in the neck of champagne? No. To try and keep the bubbles? I wonder if it works. I don't know that one. No, it does not.

It's an absolute fucking open myth. Well, I figure the air's coming out of there. The spoon's not stopping it. I like Chandler just getting more and more pure with it where it's like he's had one sip of the Coke and he's like, well, that's spoiled now. Down the drain. It's been out too long.

Yeah. I don't know why, but I cannot handle it. I won't do a day-old Coke. I used to live with a guy in university where he would sit on the couch here and it was like it would boil my fucking blood because he would buy three-litre Cokes, which already drove me insane because it's like, you're not going to drink that in one sitting.

What are you thinking? Get a smaller vessel. It's for a party. They should check. Yeah, this is for a family reunion or something. So he would do that. So not only would he have that and have it open for days, he wouldn't even keep it in the fridge.

He'd put it under the couch. And so you'd sit there and watch TV and you'd just hear him like kick the couch sort of thing and it'd roll out across the floor

and he'd just pull up this warm, week old Coke and start... Covered in lint. Yeah, just start drinking from it. I'm like,

I'd go to my room to stop seeing it. I'm like, I don't want to watch this movie anymore. I'm going home. Fuck this. So I cannot handle that.

You should get a soda stream. Then you can like, you know, give it a little, give it a little top up. I've never used anymore. I'm going home. Fuck this. So I cannot handle that. You should get a SodaStream. Then you can like, you know, give it a little top up. I've never used it. I've never used it. Mate, because I figured that's what you were going to say. No. The SodaStream for soda water. The bubbles is on you, buddy.

How long you want to push that button down? Oh, yeah. You can make it. So I give it to my kids to make it just fucking freak them out. It's very funny. You want some water? They're like, yes, please. And I just give him SodaStream

that I've just been holding down for an hour. And they're sipping it. I'm like... It makes them dizzy for an hour. We gave our dog water from the SodaStream just to see what he'd make of it. Oh, really? And he had two licks

and then he barked at the bowl. He was terrified of it. Had two licks, jumped away and went more mental than I've ever seen him go. I was like... He's drinking like witch water. Can you rejuvenate like old coke

by doing that? Yeah. He just fizzes it up. Oh really? He definitely could, yeah. Oh my God. Okay. Is that all it is?

Is that all it is? I guess. I reckon he could, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Can you bring it back to life? Resuscitate. Clear. It's very saving and reusing your tea bags, though.

Yes. It's the moon cup of Coke. I've gone from one extreme to the other, having a sip within an hour and chucking out to going, oh, how do I get week old coke and still be able to drink it bits of mould floating around in it

nah it's still good time machine can do anything just go back to that house hey bud before you sip that pop it in here well because you can go

super artisanal and just get the straight up like you can just make your own coke with it right so you just get like a little thing the syrup

yeah the syrup get the post mix and then you make it like a little thing. Yeah, syrup. Get the post mix. And then you make it. I'm not doing that. Like they sell little sachets of it. Do they? That's up there with making your own pizza. You know my thoughts about that.

Man, I've got a pizza oven at my joint. My new house has a fucking, like a huge concrete pizza oven in the backyard. Yes. I've not yet used it. You didn't need to say that, by the way. Yeah, I know. That was very fucking obvious.

Yeah, it takes three hours to warm up. And I said to Lurch, I'm like, I've never wanted pizza three hours before I wanted it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's eight minutes before. We all looked at each other. We all knew what was coming there. Of course you're not making a fucking pizza in that thing.

You've got the Domino's fucking number. Use it. I've got a big pizza stone for our barbecue that we bought in lockdown. Had a couple of days of making our own pizza and was like, this is great. But I tell you what, post lockdown, God, it's hard to get the enthusiasm. Same thing. Takes ages to warm up. Making your own dough.

It's satisfying, but it's like, you know what else would have been satisfying? Having a free afternoon. Yeah. And then just getting a pizza within eight minutes from Domino's. Where they get in trouble if they don't have it there within ten minutes. Honestly, even fuckheads like us have got shit to do. Who's got fucking time for that? That's a good point.

Even a podcaster can't be bothered with this. What does that tell you? Even we're too busy to fucking do that. But is this like fully, is this like part of your house? Is this like a proper... Yeah, all built in. That's pretty sick. There's a huge, there's a barbecue, this fucking huge indoor... Yeah, all built in. That's pretty sick. There's a huge barbecue.

Get a flagpole on top of it. Yeah, I should. And put the pizza logo on it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That is good. You've got your Uber Eats, and you've ordered from your restaurant,

and you're flying the flag. You're flying the flag of the logo of the place that you've ordered from, just so the delivery driver can see it from a distance. The old people that lived there, though, said they used to have these pizza parties and they got all these pizza boxes because at the end of the night, they just keep the fire going. And when it's hot, you're cooking pizza in two minutes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's flying. And then they'd send their mates home with pizzas. Yeah. I was going to say, yeah, if you put the flag up on top, you start cooking and people start smelling. They go, oh, is you put the flag up on top, you start cooking and people start smelling. They go, oh, is this a new pop-up or something? You make yourself a bit of sweet cake.

You say this, this barbecue is fucking massive. It is huge. Big gas plumbed it, and it's got the kebab flame in there. Oh, yeah. Am I going to open up a fucking illegal kebab and pizza joint? Backyard operation, yeah. I think more dangerous is you getting home absolutely blind and going, you know what, I'm going to make my own kebab.

Why should I pay $10 to someone who's not drunk near an open flame? Get some cockfighting going on in the corner while you're at it. Just lean all the way in. A little fucking crack in the front door like a trap house. I'm just fucking sliding out margaritas. Yeah, the three-hour wait time, you may as well just get up every day

and fire it up. Just in case. Just in case it gets to the end of the day and you're like, well, another day where I didn't end up wanting pizza, but hey. Better to have it and not need it. It cost me four bucks to make the pizza.

I got four bucks. And also, this is how much I don't know about cooking and using these things is I said to the. And also, this is how much I don't know about cooking and using these things is I said to the real estate agent, how do you turn it off? And he's like, man,

it's wood. It's just time. Stop putting wood in. Cavemen figured that out. Yeah. You know the thing that you do to make the fire continue?

Just don't do that anymore. Turn off the wood. Call the fire brigade? Don't do that anymore. Turn off the wood. Call the fire brigade? I don't know. Okay, so you've got your flat coke. I got my good chicken, my good chips. Big fan of the chips and the chicken in there.

You got the dip? You got the peronais? Got the, what is it, the mayo? I go the mayo. Do ya? At Lando's? Did you go to a fucking brothel for a hug? What is it? The mayo? Yep. I go the mayo. Do you? Yeah. At Lando's? Yeah. Do you go to a fucking brothel for a hug? I'm kidding. That doesn't sound like the worst idea in the world, to be honest. Yeah, mix it up.

It's fine. I mean, I'll take a hug from wherever. It's fine. If I'm trying to watch my budget that week. Is that what you do? You just walk in with 10 bucks. What can I get for this? What's the most amount of physical contact I can get?

Like, okay, I think what? Minimum sex? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's lying down on a big newspaper. For ten bucks, one of our ugly chicks will hug you, or one of the hotter chicks will look at you for ten seconds. Oh, God. I'm going to need a minute to think this over.

Wait, hold on, hold on. Full eye contact? Full eye contact above the glasses? Oh, holy shit man. Will she make gross faces or will she pretend that she likes what she sees? What a gig being in the brothel and knowing that you're the

ugly chick they roll out for the $10 hug. I'll tell you what, you probably are ending up making... She needs them the most. We're both getting something out of it. You add it up at the end of the night. She's probably ending up making more than any other girl in there. Maybe.

Yeah, so I get the chicken, I get the chips. I've got the flat coke. Absolutely spoiled. And the mayo. Just the worst meal. My flat coke was making it hard to enjoy my mayonnaise. What's wrong with mayonnaise? I'm a white man.

This is my culture. I didn't know Nando's did the sad meal. Have you got anything less spicy than the lemon and herb, basically? Can you just run some water over it? I literally did look at the lemon and herb and go, can I handle this? It's not me feeling a bit on the brisk. I literally did look at the lemon and herb and go, can I handle this? Lemon and herb are tsunami of flavours.

Is lemon spicy? I mean, lift is like a bit tangy for me. Oh, that's a good flag for my dad. You know the little like sticker that they like plant on there with like the extra hot in it. I just get that blown up and flown out the front of my parents' house. Mild. So I get the... No, I am going back to the fucking mayonnaise. Are you the type of pedophile who dips chips in mayonnaise?

Yes. You sick cunt. What is wrong with you, man? Not even aioli? No, yeah, like whatever. If I can have aioli, I'll go aioli. Mayo on a chip. I'm with you man not even aioli no yeah like whatever if i if i can have a meal on a chip i'm with you i love i love mayo on a chip but at nando's to not go the perinées is is absurd yeah okay oh mayo's for fucking tuna and to and to make the family reunion with some chicken sometimes

it's not for oh yeah it's not for potatoes i'm i'm not up for myself. I'm just saying I enjoy it. Okay. Classic Irish getting fired up about what we do with our potatoes. So I get a spoiled meal. I spoiled my beautiful, perfect meal, as we all agree. I got the flat coke and I'm like, fuck. And like I said, I don't like causing trouble. You want to take that back though

huh that's not affecting the person who sold it to you good point that's not yeah they haven't sure

that's where I draw the line absolutely there's an argument to be made with all that sort of stuff that's the distributors fuck them over there yes yes all of that

but again that's causing trouble for the people behind the counter the people either the owners who I'm relating to with my mum and dad's situation you go up and you're like, look, I get it.

I was raised in shops. I don't want to have this complaint with you. Can you just do me a favour? Get your phone out and get your representative from Coca-Cola on the line. Yes. Because I've got some things to say to them. I don't want you to be caught in the middle of this. Yeah.

Get me on the phone to Coca-Cola Amatil. But like, yes. Nothing against the good mum and pop Nando. Yes. Nando's Incorporated Proprietary Limited. Don't just get back to Lisbon. Like, just, you know. Now, isn't Nando South African?

Oh, is it? I think it is. I thought it was Portuguese, but maybe it kicked off in... Portuguese chicken. Yeah. But a South African... Oh, the company started in South Africa. Okay.

So it's racist chicken. Yeah. Yeah. That's a bit rude. That's a bit rude to make chicken racist. No wonder they were keen to give me the mayo. Very, very white stuff. Yeah.

South African multinational fast casual chain. Mayo on chips is almost an exclusively Australian thing. Is it? Yeah, man, it doesn't exist anywhere else in the world. No. It's only Australian. Who is it? Yeah.

Man, if you were to go to America and ask for mayonnaise with your chips, they would shoot you in the back of the fucking head. And they would be right. That's polite of them to let us turn around before. No, no, but ultimately they'll shoot you in the head if you're learning math. Like that. I went to Five Guys the other day, the American burger chain down here at South Bank,

and I, God, I loved this. They've got, because it is the least dignified thing to have to ask for dip for your chips, and invariably they forget it, and you have to go back up and go, excuse me, there's not quite enough

unhealthy shit in this bag you've given me. I'd like some congealed fat to dip my fried potato in. Can you make my dried chips wet, please? Wet with flavour. Five guys, they've just got a station. They're letting you loose on the mayo pump. Right.

Big fucking, big vat with just the push down thing. Lots of mayo. That's very close to where we are right now. That might be a little bit of a lunch meeting afterwards. Oh, yes. I'm up for that. So I get the flat Coke. I'm like, what do I do here?

How do I deal with this situation? I go up and complain because I'm like, I am absolutely not happy. I want the carbonated drink. I need something to drink. I go, all right, am I helping up? I pick up the bottle and go to get up, and then I see on the top of the bottle the expiry date. Here we go.

And the expiry date is the very date it was when I was drinking it. I'm like, you know what? Fair enough. You've got this one. That's double. Yep. No, I'll let you have the one. Wait, so that made you feel better about it?

No, I was like, you know what? You've got me here. You've perfectly got me out. Like, it's the day I was drinking it. It was absolutely cooked. It expired that very day. I'm like, well, they gave me a warning, I guess. It said it right there.

It expires today. No, they shouldn't sell it. So wait, you're less angry now that you know they've served you a rotten food? I thought you were going to bring it back to them for two reasons. It's flat and it's expired. But now you're like, well. They got me right on the day. If it was the day later, I now you're like, well... They got me right on the day. If it was like the day later,

I'm like, no, okay, you know, you got me out on the very day. It's just... This logic makes... Yeah, I don't understand what you're finding. I don't understand

what you're finding with planned obsolescence and food. Like, if that was in a fucking mobile phone, you'd be losing your shit. You'd be like, oh, so the second

I'm doing upgrades, obviously all the battery goes, that's fucking bullshit. But they do it with coke and they're like ha that giant corporation fucking got me

fair play they're masters of chess yeah the idea of coke expiring does seem absurd like the amount of shit that's in it it's like

as if it ever goes off I just like the idea of it just they got me on that one day it was fine the day before we'll give this guy we'll give it to him on this day boom it's just gone out of date that very day it was fine the day before we'll give it to him on this day

boom it's just gone out of date that very day you're not the road runner alright there's two yeah yeah man expiration dates

there's people that believe in them and people that don't it's the one conspiracy theory where I'm like not for dairy not for but I'm not

trusting the fucking company I've got a nose and I'll use my own judgment. My fiancé will be like, we've got to throw out those apples because they went out of date yesterday. And I'm like, they're green, you fucking idiot.

What do you think happened? Why is it expiry dates on apples? Where are their expiry dates on apples? They print them right on the side. In heavy, heavy ink. He's like, they're green, fuckhead. And she's like, yeah, they're pink lady apples. We bought them two months ago.

They're not the good shade of green, though. They're very dark. I was at my friend's house a little while ago and we were making pizza and I'd brought some pepperoni from the supermarket on the way there. And I was about to cut it up and I looked at the label and I was like,

oh, fuck, this is expired. And I'd bought it on the way there. I'm like, fuck, they've gotten me here. And I heard her housemate from upstairs go, how past the expiry date and i was like oh like it's like three days ago and he's like ah that'll be fine and i'm like all right and i put them on the pizza and then i realized that that voice from upstairs this is a man who's grown out his pinky fingernail extra long for the purposes of doing coke off and i'm like yeah probably wouldn't be putting too much stock in this man's

recommendations for things to put into your body. It's like a scummy Pinocchio. Pinocchio if you worked in real estate. Yeah, I've got an interesting business proposition for you. There's lots of money in it for you. So you just let them walk all over. Because I would think this is a thing where it's like, because now it's all from the same batch.

So anyone who comes in and gets a Coke is having the same experience. I would have thought it's like, you know, I'm not kicking up a stink, but just so you guys know, you're lucky that you got me. Yeah. A child of shops. Yeah.

I shudder to think what some of the riffraff that are walking past in these anti-vax protests would have done. I'm on your side. Yeah. No, the expiry thing,

that made me think, it's interesting what you can learn, what you learn. You know when you learn something from your folks or learn from somewhere and then you have that all your life and you go, you know how this happens? And then everyone else goes, what the fuck are you talking about?

That's what my wife was taught this by her mum and then had to learn this in front of me. It was like she would cook whatever she would cook, like fish and whatever, and then if we didn't eat it all she would just leave it out overnight and then in the morning i'd wake up and go why is the food out overnight and it's like oh well as my mum would say you know you have to let the food breathe overnight i'm like no you don't leave you don't let fish breathe yeah yeah overnight yep that's spoiling the food fish don't breathe normally out of water. I don't know how you think they do it better when they're fucking dead.

Maybe that's why it's a special treat. There you go, fish. Boiling is your big chance. No, I know exactly what you mean. You do sometimes have to do the inventory of like, where do I actually know that from? I always say to people, a thing that's in my head is with ramen, when you're in a ramen restaurant, it's polite. It's like a sign of respect to pick up the bowl and slurp the remainder of the soup because

that shows the chef. It's like, boy, I'm fucking loving this. I'm getting every little last morsel out of that. So when I went to Japan, that was in my head and I'm just proudly doing it everywhere I went. And then halfway through the trip, I'm like, I have absolutely no recollection of where i've heard that from who's told me that yeah i've just why i've been kicked out for the fifth time invented that in my head as fact it's like it could be the ultimate sign of disrespect but then i'm like eye contacting like here it is

brother i'm fucking loving this it's like you got to do every now and then you just got to go back into into the archive and be like, time to do a bit of Googling here and work out where I actually think this up from. Yeah, doing this, like sitting in the pub with mates and just having a little listen going, are these things normal? I just wanted to make sure of this. Is this good?

Does this make any sense? Man, I'm with your wife. My fiancee is you. She fucking hates it. Man, I will leave food in a fucking pan on the fucking thing and then eat that with a fucking pan on the fucking thing. And then eat that with a spoon the next day, fucking cold.

And she's like, it's disgusting. And I'm like, this is why you get sicker more often than I do. Right. Do you notice how I'm never ill? I'm hung over a lot, but I've never, I've never got the cold.

And that's because I put shit in my body that does not belong there. I think you're confusing food poisoning with a hangover. I'm spewing and shitting again. You didn't drink last night, but I had a big one last week. I'm never sick. I'm always drunk. So to be fair, I don't know if I've ever been sick or not. What about this one?

My girlfriend will leave. She'll wait ages to put leftover stuff in the fridge. She'll put it in a thing in the tupperware leave it on the bench look there is a time where you have to let it cool down before you whack it in the plastic or whatever well this is this is what her thing is like you can't put stuff in the fridge when it's even a bit warm right because then the fridge is having to work too hard that's like oh the poor fridge i've, the poor fridge! I've got a bit of that. I've got a bit of that. I don't know where I got that from.

The fridge's output is the same. The fridge isn't going, fuck, there's a hot chook, fuck! I do like it though because it does... It's not a fridge going uphill, is it? It does give me the image in my head as a little baby of like the engine room of the fridge and they're all in there being like, we need more coal.

They've put warm food in here. Only the wheels are spinning on the back of the fridge. Smoke's just coming out of it. I only learned recently that for a lot of fridges, the freezer cools the fridge. I did not know that. Oh, I don't know that either. Trickle down economics. Well, or up, depending on where the freezer is.

But if you pull a freezer out, or at the back of your fridge, there's the vent at the part wherever the freezer is, and that is being let into the fridge to cool the fridge. I feel like I'm going to get a lot of fucking comments from people going, Well, that was a fridge repair person who came to my house because my fridge was fucked, and they pulled the freezer out, and just ice. It was like a fridge that's not meant to have ice at the back. And it blocked all that

vent and stuff and he cleared it all out. And he said, the cool's not getting through because it's all blocked. No, this is a nightmare. Lots of funny stuff on this one. Talking about heckling. The flagpole stuff's good. The pizza stuff's good. The coke stuff's good. Mayo. Mayo. Chips. All good stuff. It's going to be a week of cunts from

Fisher-Pike going like, oh guys this is actually how the fridge works. I'm about to launch a thousand emails right now. Okay, right now. I don't understand how the crisper works. Now how does that work? Like down the bottom.

When you put the vegetables in there by themselves, why do you put them in there by themselves and that's a fucking special. But it's blocked off from the rest Down the bottom. The little bottom bit. When you put the vegetables in there by themselves, why do you put them in there by themselves? That's a good point. But again, I think it's blocked off from the rest of the fridge and then there's vents in that too that are controlling what. Oh, it's a vent straight from the freezer. I cannot believe that you use the vegetable drawer as a vegetable drawer.

Sorry, you're Scottish. Vegetables are things that you get out of the ground. You're doing a bit, but man, I've never seen salad in that bed. I've never fucking, no, why would I? I put beers in there from time to time. That's not bad. My wife threw the lid out

from the crisper, the full pull-out lid, because it was annoying her to get stuff. And then she's like, the vegetables in here, it's like I could leave them in any other part of the fridge. I'm like,

you can because it's all the fridge now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You made it all the fridge. I heard a good one. There's nothing differentiating that area from the rest of it. That's the most insane man logic that I've ever heard a woman have. I'm throwing out the lid to the crisper. I'm off it.

Yeah. I think she was pregnant. Just let him go. Yeah, okay. They're just going to say stuff. I heard a good one from Luke Higgy last night. He described a bag of chips as a Scottish salad. Hey, man, man, that is genuinely true

because I add crisps to sandwiches to get me that crunch that lettuce could give me. Oh, yeah. Bit of roughage. Some fibre. Yeah, I'm like,

man, I miss the crunch. You know you could get that from like tomato and lettuce. Or I could get it from pickled onion flavoured crisps. Pickles are vegetable. There you go. Yeah. Or you could toast the bread pickled onion flavoured crisps. Pickled vegetable? There you go.

Yeah. Or you could toast the bread, you stupid cunt. I want crunchy, but I want bread. God, my slop sandwich doesn't have much bite to it. Where are the thins? If that's what you think's normal when you're eating, you say I'm never sick, I think you're never well. You've never gotten well to know what sick is.

I truly feel that way. My diet is unreal at the moment. Just like the other week, I had a kale salad and I felt unwell. I was like, oh, I've completely reset the system here. And now it's like, oh, this foreign agent is coming in. It's all fucking alarm bells going off. We don't understand how to process this. Yes.

I'm feeling like that right now. This is day one of not the comedy festival. And I'm just sort of wandering around going, how do I stop what I've been doing? Where's the bit? Where's the line in the sand? How do I do this again? Yeah, it's like, who was I before having kids? I'm trying to remember that.

It's like, who was I before this month? I'm still'm trying to remember that. Who was I before this month? Where? I'm still eating Easter eggs, man. My kids got them. They don't eat chocolate. I'm just still eating Easter eggs every day. And I'm like, I don't know a day. And I was eating them in the lead up. So it's honestly been five weeks of every day I've eaten some

form of chalky eggs. And I'm like, what day will I not have chocolate? Are you going in and getting fresh ones or is this just like a monster batch that you have in the house? There's heaps. My wife doesn't eat them. She'll be like, don't eat my eggs.

She goes, don't eat them. And I'm like, you don't eat them. Like there's still like a lint bunny from last year. And she's like, if you eat that, we're getting a divorce. I'm like, it's probably fucking white in there now it's fucked it's cooked it's a flat egg

the choccy's gone flat hear that Looch that's bad have you got a confectionery soda stream for this egg alright we better wrap it up there

for another week of the little dum dum club Nick Cody Daniel Sloss thank you for joining us cheers brothers what have you guys got to plug Cody you got the radio every day yeah that's it up there for another week of the Little Dum Dum Club. Nick Cody, Daniel Sloss, thank you for joining us. Cheers, brother. What have you guys got to plug? Cody,

you've got the radio every day. Yeah, that's it. Midfly Brawl, a podcast I do with Luke Heggy, some live shows coming up. Perth sold out, we've got Newcastle

start of June. Some tickets left for that. Cool. Sloss, you're at the Grand Canyon soon? What are you doing? You saw Red Rock on Bill Burr's special?

He goes, I'll one-up you. I'm doing a gig on Uluru. Yeah, but at this point, if you don't know who I am, that's your loss. All right. If you don't like Daniel Sloss' comedy, doubly don't throw tomatoes at him because he doesn't know what they are. That's a good point. It's like the idea of someone being like, never heard of this guy before or had seen his stuff and wasn't him because he doesn't know what they are yeah that's a good point it's like the idea

of someone being like never heard of this guy before or had seen his stuff and wasn't a fan but you know what the points he made about mayo

on that podcast I reckon I'm going on these specials finally this is the push I needed and seeing him now because he puts chips in sandwiches

and eats food out of dishes that have been on a stove overnight there may not be many tours left in this man it's brilliant I am the most immune of all of us been on a stove overnight. There may not be many tours left in this man. It's brilliant.

I am the most immune of all of us. He did a two-hour show, which for a man at high risk of diarrhea, I assume at all times, was quite... That was like an evil Knievel of comedy. Do you wear one of those astronaut diapers when you're out there? All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. They certainly have. Thanks, Bernard. Like we said at the top of the episode, if tickets have sold out for Brisbane already, which they may have,

May the 20th, Saturday afternoon, double episode, all different guests, we believe, at this point. Excellent guests as well, especially for Brisbane, considering what you've fucking got up there to play with usually. Excellent people. If it has sold out, let us know. We'll put you on a standby list. We may have a certain way of selling you additional tickets.

We are hamstrung a little bit by the fact we're not running the ticketing ourselves, but we may be able to get around that somehow. So let us know. Let us know if you're keen, and we might be able to sort you out. Yeah. Because it is a slightly smaller venue than usual at Brisbane, and we do anticipate a little bit of extra demand. Yes. Yes.

But yeah, go have a look, littledumbdumbclub.com. See if tickets are available. Yes. Don't just hit us up before looking at the link. Yes. Well, yeah, whatever it is. If you want to do that, it would be my pleasure to say, fucking have a look.

There's tickets left. Dickhead. Yeah. Daniel Sloss and Nick Cody, fun times. Yes. Doing this the day after the comedy festival ended. Yep. I got to say, the first few minutes of this I thought

Oh we're in trouble here Yes Sloss Yep Barely awake Yes Very hungover Us with the well-rung drive content of things that have happened and whatever

But then thank God my dad messaged me about Barry Humphries and his flagpole the night before Oh yeah that's what we talked about And I thought this is maybe something. Yes. This could help. Yes. Well, then on top of that, I guess I want to, yeah, I want to try and make clearer what I was talking about,

which I didn't make super clear at the time, about the Nando's Coke being expired. I kind of thought, because you guys were like oh fuck we don't get it but it's fair enough but i kind of think in my head i was like you know what if i get this expired coke and they've given it to me on the day that it expires and also coke have somehow got some weird algorithm where the the coke is expired on the exact day that they say it is yeah then fair play if it had to be one day off and it was like it expires tomorrow and it had been you know and it had

still would have been expired i've been like i'll kick up a stink but you know what you fucking nailed it you got the day exactly right you're explaining it in the exact same way no this isn't the yeah this i still think this it's expired yeah it's still expired well i i think it's i think it's well the other thing about expiry dates is that you can drink milk like two days later and it's still fine yeah but they did get it right it was expired there's a rare case of actually getting you've got a flat coke that you can't drink yeah why aren't you annoyed by that i still think at least they've at least someone in this world's got their shit together and they know when something's gonna

run out. Good for them. I didn't get a drink out of it. You get annoyed by everything and for this to be the one that you're like, fair play. Yeah. I just want to crack the code of this. I need to spend some time working out exactly what it is about this.

Yes. And then you could apply that to so many things in your life. Okay. That logic. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, could apply that to so many things in your life. Okay. That logic. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. There are things I enjoy in my life.

Name one. Fizzy Coke. Yes, yes, yes. Fresh Coke. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, fresh out of the... I guess they do sometimes put...

Like, I'd like it on fizzy drinks or anything if they were like... Because it tells you, like, this is the last day you can have it. Yes. But if it tells you, like, this is when it was packaged. Yes. So it's like if you're in the supermarket and you're like, God damn, they bottled this yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is sick. Yes. I would like that. I'd like a bit of that. And you know what? If you have to pay a little more, that's fine. If they had, like, a premium section of the fridge where it's like, here it is.

No. Hot off the presses. Can you do it like, you know how, like, certain pubs, I don't know if you get this Australia, well, you wouldn't get this Australia-wide, but we live, well, I live relatively close to the Carlton United Breweries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a lot of the places around there have got, they'll say, we've got Carlton beer and it's just come from the factory

because the factory is just over there. They walked it up. Yeah. Didn't even need the truck. They didn't even use the draft horses. Yep, yep. They just rolled the barrel downhill. Yep.

And the pub caught it, and we put it on. It's just come out of the tap. Yep. So they do that with that. Can you do that with Coke? Yeah, where is the Coke factory I wonder Is there pubs around the Coke factory Where they've just done that

Pubs Yeah We can go in and get a post mix Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah Well that's I mean that's a different thing though right That's them selling them the syrup

Oh yeah you're right So It would need to be like the local milk bar Yes Like the milk bar that's next to the Coke factory Where it's like Yeah yeah, this is just. We've got a secret trap door where they just like funnel it in from the factory. Or like a chocolate factory or whatever where they have the gift shop.

So you go to the Coke gift shop. Yes. You get the freshest Coke. Yeah. It's like they haven't even put the lids on. Yeah. How good would that be? That would be good.

An unlidded Coke. Because there is something about, like, I was at Ikea yesterday, and we were getting lunch, and... Oh, what were you getting? Mm-hmm. What did you get? What was I buying at Ikea? No, no, no.

What did you get for lunch? Well, this is what I'm saying. We were in line, and I was looking at the menu, and I went in with the intent of getting the meatballs. I was with Noxy, who'd never had Ikea in his life. Oh, really? Never had the Ikeakea food and it's like i i overlook it and i live right near ikea and i i never go it's definitely a thing where if i

moved out of that area i think i should have gone to ikea for lunch more it was actually the perfect storm where we were there to buy some stuff and we were there at lunchtime and i was like boys we're hitting the food court the ikea food court and noxi's like i've never had it i'm like you got to get the meatballs, brother. You'll love them. But I was standing there and they had this. How much? $13 for $12, I think.

Oh, that's good. It was coming up on the menu, flashing up a little yellow curry. Can you get yellow curry there? A mild yellow curry with chicken meatballs and sweet potato. Oh, my God. That sounds amazing. I was thinking, because also there was like one guy working and we were in line for ages.

And it's just kind of this annoying menu screen where it's like, it's not just showing you everything they have available at once. It's kind of cycling through different things. Right. So you're sort of looking there and you're like, okay, I guess I'll get that. And then a new thing flashes up and you're like, oh, that actually looks really good.

So in my head, I'm like, all right, I'm going to get the yellow curry. But then, because the meatballs come with a mashed potato on the side, right as I was about to be served, the guy brought out a fresh thing of the mashed potato. And that won me over. I was like, now that I'm getting a fresh batch of mashed potato with my meatballs, I'm diverting from the yellow curry plan. Yes.

So it is that allure of like, but also in my head going like, oh, they're fresh. It's like they're the Ikea mashed potatoes. You know what I mean? They were never fresh. Yeah. But it is just that. It's like what we're talking about with just the allure of feeling

like you're getting something like as fresh from the sauce as you can get it. Yeah. It is very alluring. So if Coke were to go, come down, you'd get one unbottled. Yes. Like it's 20 bucks a can, but it's the purest Coke you're ever going to have. We haven't sealed the can.

Yeah. Yeah. I would love that. I'd pay whatever price. Some sort of Willy Wonka style thing where the Coke fountain, it's like they haven't bottled it yet. It's still running free from the Coke waterfall. And this is the thing.

I don't ever even drink Coke. And I'm turned on by this idea. Oh, there we go. Yeah, the mild yellow curry, $12. It looks good, right? It does. It all looks good. I haven't been there.

You know what? I'm a big chance of going there on the way home. This might be my lunch. I mean, I will say I do regret. I wish I had tried the way home. This might be my lunch. I mean, I will say, I do regret, I wish I had tried the yellow curry. It does look really good. Yeah.

But I mean, going in on the classic meatball, it's been years and years and years since I've had the classic meatballs. I didn't regret my pivot for a second. The one thing I do miss, they used to serve it with chips

and I do prefer that as a combo. Oh, no, I'd rather the potato. You get the mash and the peas. I'd love, oh, much rather that. I was kind of there being like, oh, but then I kind of, I'd rather the potato. You get the mash and the peas. I'd love it. It's pretty good. I'd much rather that. I was kind of there being like, oh, but then I kind of, I do need some other stuff at Ikea. So I was like in my head being like, you know what, this is good motivation to come back and finally get this other stuff that I've been needing for a while.

Oh, you know, I'm looking at the menu now. Baked barramundi for 13 bucks. Speaking of soft drinks, they didn't have the soda. They didn't have the soda fountain going While we were there Which is annoying Because it was broken Just the whole thing

It's like We were saying Is this a thing that they just shut it down As COVID was kicking off And then they've just never bothered to like You know Start it back up again But it is annoying

Yeah No I want that That's part of the I want that That's part of the whole trip What is it Is it Was it broken Was it like the ice cream machine at mcdonald's or was it a little thing on it saying unavailable no no explanation for why it's not working okay it really does they've just stopped doing it at one point and they just can't be fucked

reinstalling it well if they're not doing that that's going to put me off a little bit because i would love some post mix may i don't i mean look i don't i don't know i can't say for certain what was going on the whole menu is looking really good i might go there the meatballs they've still got it yeah salmon fill you can get fish and gravy chicken parma there i don't remember them ever having chicken parma that wasn't coming up on the menu when i was there maybe that's a different stores thing um they had a potato salad there that looked really good. They had a little chocolate pie thing that looked pretty good. Yeah, I'm looking at the dessert menu right now.

Yeah. Almond cake, banana bread, cream cake looks good. Mousse, they got a mousse. They got a $3 mousse. They got a semi-freddo chocolate cake. Oh, that looks good. It's a good store. Yeah. I love being in Ikea. good. It's a good store. Yeah.

I love being in Ikea. Okay. I love taking a little walk around. Maybe I might go there. Post Comedy Festival, there's a big to-do list and there's some things I need to get hold of. Maybe it's today. What do you need to get at Ikea? Oh, fuck knows.

I don't know. There's just a heap of things I need to get, and I don't care where they come from, but they could possibly come from there. One thing is lunch. Okay. So definitely they can do that. They have that there.

That's on my list. As discussed. Post-festival, I do need lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Finally got time to get around to that one. Yes. But anyway, shout out to Ikea. Shout out to the Swedish meatballs.

Yes. If you've never had them, go treat yourself. Cheap meal. Really hits the spot. Legendary. Legendary food in the Ikea food court. I love a good, just a good quality food court. Like, yeah, as long as it's, it's a good dynamic.

I like a food court. Me too. Yeah. I like sitting down and it's all a bit cheaper because it's all a bit mass produced and whatever and you have a little treat and you get to sit with other weird people and whatever. Well, I'll tell you what's good. If you're with a couple of other people and you're walking around a food court, it's like because that kills you when you're looking for somewhere to eat.

I don't feel like that. I had pasta last night. Yeah, good point. You know, you walk into a food court and it's like off you go here's the table fuck off and get whatever you want you got 10 different choices none of us have to meet in the middle here you're having thai you're having a curry you're having a burger you're having a burrito everyone's happy yeah and then you get to meet back up and go what'd you get yeah yeah where's, yeah. Where's that from? How much was that?

A high-end food court would be a cool concept where it's like it is a restaurant, but it's just like six different little, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like it's the same thing. You're going up and you're going to the different little counter, but it's all like $30. You're using your tongs to get a $70 eye fillet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's all really fancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good. I likeet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all really fancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good. I like that. Well, the way that I'll be paying for my lunch today is due to the generosity of others, subscribers to this show. Oh, we should rename all the tiers on Patreon to be different IKEA menu items.

The Swedish meatball, the nuggets and chips. Yeah. We should actually rename the tiers to be like, you know, things that we are buying that month or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. That would be good. Rent and gas and whatever.

Yep. The rent tier. Yeah. One person pays our rent per month. Yeah, yeah. No, well, your money specifically is being funneled to the rent. Yep. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, your money specifically is being funneled to the rent. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you get to, all right, you get to choose. They're all like the same amount, but you get to choose what we have to spend the money on. Oh, yeah. So all of us, so we're like- Like the bottle caps at Grilled. Yeah.

So we're getting our, we're getting the Patreon receipt and it's like, okay, we're both just making rent this month, but fuck me, we've got a lot of people in the gas pile. Yeah. I guess we got to do a lot of road trips. Yeah, yeah, but fuck me, we've got a lot of people in the gas pile. Yeah. I guess we've got to do a lot of road trips. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. I use my car about twice a week

all of a sudden. I'm just like, okay. No, no, it's proper gas. I was like, fuck, our houses are going to be really hot this month. Ah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, nice.

The cookers are going to be on the whole time. Yeah. Well, thank you everyone for contributing to the various things that we have to pay for. Some of you will be paying for, look, I don't even know if I'm going to go Swedish meatballs.

That curry looks good. The fish looks good. It all looks good. I am hungry. You're going to get, yeah, you love a multiple meal. I do. You're sitting down with about three fucking things all at once. Yes.

It is a fatal flaw in my plan of intermittent fasting where I go, I'm going to not eat for all of this stuff and that's going to lose weight. And then when I do eat, I go, I need three dinners now. Yeah. I don't know if that works.

Well, I'm looking forward to hearing the review of the yellow curry because it did look good. We'll see. Yeah. We'll see if I go with that or whether I... Yeah.

Because it also... I'd be interested to hear what it's like there today because yesterday, one guy serving, massive line. Oh, yeah. Because it also, I'd be interested to hear what it's like there today because yesterday, one guy serving, massive line. Everything else is in the little bain-marie. And on top of being swayed by the fresh mashed potato coming out, I was also standing there and I was like, I can't see the yellow curry in the bain-marie. Fuck knows how long that's going to take to come out.

I just want my meatballs scooped up. And this guy, I'll tell you, he's doing a beautiful job in there. Because he's like, I think you can get like eight or 12 of the meatballs. And I was like, 12. And he's just getting them all in two scoops. You know, he's got that. He can just look at them and know the exact number of meatballs that are there. If I was doing that job, it'd be me with the tongs going, one, two.

No. You'd be doing that the first morning and then you'd have your ass kicked and then you'd have to figure it out. But I was like, this guy, he's got it worked out. He's like, boom, boom, done. I was like, I'm not even going to double check. He was so confident.

This could be three for all I know, but I'm happy to take this man at his word. Yeah. Well, imagine working in the kitchen at Ikea and not knowing how to count meatballs. I reckon that comes up pretty high. That's the first part of the interview. That's the only part of the interview, I'm telling you.

Thank you very much to everyone that subscribes, but in particular these people this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, first cap off the ring, Jack Meys. M-E-Y-S. Meys? Mays? Mays? Yeah, Mays is better, isn't it? Jack Mays? Mees. M-E-Y-S. Mees? Mays? Mays? Yeah, Mays is better, isn't it?

Jack Mays? This is Granny's grandson. Yes, yes. Yeah, he's walking around with silk Warner Brothers vests and tie on and all the rest of it for people that remember that old chain. What's the modern version of Granny Mae's? Great question. It's called, like, Something Time, isn't it? Like, what?

There is one? Yeah, there's a store that's like Granny Mae's. It sells all dumbass fucking merch. I don't know if I've ever seen it. If you want a Sylvester the Cat shot glass. Yeah, that's where you're going. Where is one? I'm pretty sure it's called Something Time.

We'll certainly hear all the fuck about it this week. I would like to get back into silk boxer shorts. Bit of Wile E. Coyote on the junk. Yeah, no. I don't know if I ever bought anything out of it it was a sort of a shop where i was like as a kid i was like what a great idea that's cool but then in reality like what am i buying out of you yeah nothing it's fun to look around in maybe that's why they went under yes too many too many tire kickers yes no one like needing a lava lamp and going to granny

mays there we go yes 10 year olds just having a little peruse yes wow all this stuff is yeah if i had any money for sure it's like if i could buy the whole store and just have it in my house to look around in yeah then great yeah but in terms of just having to pick one thing out of here well i'm just overwhelmed yes but yeah fond maze granny maze and what's new oh yeah maybe that was it yeah yeah maybe I'm maybe I'm conflating the two

maybe there's no modern version of Granny Mays I just really don't think yeah I can't really think of I mean there's those stores that sell like Funko Pops and pop culture stuff

yeah it's kind of just merged into essentially like the comic book store now just has all that kind of stuff in it yep mmm

mmm yes well Jack jack jack mays it's nearly if you chop off y and s at the end you can have jack me jack may y s yeah yes jack jack me yes there we go there we go jack me yes yes then that's more what this is for not this granny mays bullshit jack me yes yeah yeah we've answered your question whoever asked it yep yes yes that's more what this is for not this Granny May's bullshit Jack May yes yeah we've answered your question

whoever asked it yep that could be a Patreon tier jack us off yeah I think it already is isn't it

isn't it yeah sort of yeah there's something on there about rooting us yes there's something there

maybe I should update those stuff yeah well I think that's good thanks Jack thanks Jack thank you very much There's something on there about rooting us. Yes. There's something there. Maybe I should update those stuff. Yeah, well, I think that's good. Thanks, Jack. Thanks, Jack. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matthew Cranstoun. Oh, God.

C-R-A-N-S-T-O-U-N. Not Cranston, but Cranstoun. Almost. Yeah, almost the grey man. Walter White himself. Yeah. What's his first name? Brian. Brian.

So it's not quite Matthew. No. A million miles away, unfortunately. Yes. Brian is the opposite of Matthew. Brian Cranston. Not really. One of the greats.

I was thinking the other day, I read something where it was like an offhanded plot point of Breaking breaking bad was mentioned and i was like man i should do another i should do another lap through that show yeah i wonder if i could convince my wife to do that because we did watch it together the whole time i don't think i don't think i could she's a she's a yeah she's a binger so my girlfriend never watched it or she started watching it i don't know if i've talked about this before but every now and then she'll mention yeah i just don't sort of stop watching you know there was that point where everyone went off it where everyone was like this show's shit now remember that she brings us up all the time i'm like that never happened yeah it was like commercially and critically lauded the entire way through she's like no you know

there was that point where everyone was like, this show has gone shit. I'm like, that didn't ever happen. People just got more and more and more in love with it as it went along. Yes. I don't know what you're talking about. Did you make it all the way through to the end of Better Call Saul? Oh, yeah.

Was it worth it? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you reckon? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Do you reckon? Yeah. Oh, my God. I reckon it was about half the show Breaking Bad was. I got all the way through and I was like,

oh, I did it. No, I loved it. I thought the ending was fucking great. I loved the whole thing. That last season, fuck, I had a good time. You know what is great is like, so watching Succession at the moment, and it's like, it's so good how things have gone back to the week-to-week tv event i love it yeah the whole

thing of like bingey i think it's got a lot to do with lockdown i think people just kind of were like look it was great to just we had all this time where we had to be inside and it was great to just you know power through a whole series in a night because there was nothing else to do but i don't ever want to be reminded of that again. It takes the value out of the show. I love that we're back to just like you watch a thing, you think about it for a week, you talk about it with your friends in that week,

and you wait until the next plot point. It's so fucking good. The binging thing, it just removes all the fucking quality from it. Yeah, I guess I don't do either of those things so yeah i've started making myself this is here's this here's a game changer for myself this is what i did the other week i went uh my wife is sick of me just like waking up in the morning getting the laptop out starting to do work while i'm still in bed while she's up you know getting dressed and getting ready for work and then she leaves work at least for work and i'm still in bed yeah not dressed still doing work in the morning yeah and then she gets home and i'm basically still in bed

she's like have you fucking been in bed all day i'm like yeah but i've been working so get out of bed yeah it's just a bad look yeah get out and fucking do something i'm like well i have been doing stuff i've just been in bed that's yeah so then she's like get out so i went and looked at some of those shared office oh yeah you were talking about this on talking i'm like i know four weeks ago yeah yeah so in the end i've gone full circle and gone this is all fucking dumb that's all expensive what i've just done is bought an extension cord and gone home and sat on my own couch and for the first time i realized why i was in bed was because that's where a powerpoint was and on my couch is nowhere near a powerpoint so now i've got an extension cord i'm sitting on my

own couch and now i've got the tv on yeah in front of me because i would i would never watch any tv or anything like that because i can't work and watch tv on the same fucking computer yep so now i've got a tv in front of me and the laptop i can do work and watch tv and i'm like oh wow this is like i can watch tv again now okay so now i've started watching tv fucking ages you can have tv on and still concentrate yeah because i'm not doing like rocket science on the on you know i'm just you know doing admin and stuff yeah um and yeah look it depends what i'm doing at the time and what shows are on even the most menial task i can't have anything on in the background because

immediately it's like oh what's going on up there yeah you're just like then my attention's out for one second yeah even music i'm like no right yeah no it's silence yeah yeah oh look i think it does slow you down but then what's what's the alternative just doing nine hours straight of work and burning yourself out or whatever yeah um yeah so i'm i'm i'm slowly getting back to the world of like going oh so what have people been watching for three years what are you putting on i started you are putting on you like stuff. You're not just like watching fucking Studio 10 or whatever. No, no, no. I started watching Welcome to Wrexham the other day.

Oh, okay. Yeah, which is fine. Yeah. Whatever. And my catching up on YouTube vlogs. Okay. Of people. Yeah.

That I've got into on lockdown or whatever. But yeah. No, a big game changer for me. Back to watching TV. Back to on the couch. Yeah. The real, you really live in a big like uni share house approach to work lifestyle. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I know that on paper it is insane, but it's like, yeah. It's like saying to someone, yeah, I had a big breakthrough at work the other day. I've gotten out of bed and I'm on the couch. Yeah, I'm on the couch. Okay. I do my three hours of work while I watch Welcome to Wrexham.

Then I head down the street and I get my three lunches. Yes. From Ikea. Yes. Well, it is sort of a good move because I did decide that my home office was going to be the pub. And I'm like, instead of paying hundreds of dollars to be in some shared office and it's like, this sucks, I'm going to go and plug in down the pub and get a counter meal every day and a few post mix yeah and that's gonna be my office pretty good pretty good that's pretty good i might start doing that at my local

it's good yeah the only shame is that like anywhere else in the world you'd be getting free wi-fi but not here no you're just you're just tethering up here, which is annoying to some degree. But also, let's move on. Okay. Sure. Thanks, Matthew. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Taka Kars. Taka Kars.

Taka Kars. Taka Kars. K-A-A-S. Okay. Yeah. It's not Taka Tucker Carlson Under a pseudonym No it's not him Unless it is Could be

Yeah The free wifi in venues I like I just would prefer To tether anyway I can count on one hand The number of good Public wifi experiences

I've had Yeah It's always fucked Even when a place does Airport Oh great Airport's fucked Is it

Yeah for me I just have bad luck With all that sort of stuff where I get on. It's not working. The ones where you've got to fill out a fucking survey for them before they'll let you in. It's like my phone's here. I click the thing in the corner and then I'm just tethered. I have enough data. Why am I bothering with someone else's shit network?

Yeah. Often just so much easier. I agree. I agree. I would say the one thing I can think of is the airport. I've always thought the airport's not bad. Okay. Yeah, I've just...

Because I think it's just that... You know why? Because it's international waters. Because it's not technically Australian Wi-Fi anymore. It's not the shit Wi-Fi we get here in Australia. Yeah, that's true true the airport is not australia yeah yeah yeah it's um just the gateway between here and uh the rest of the civilized world i think maybe too because it's like often i'm at the airport and i'm like wanting to download

something to watch or listen to on the flight like right before i'm getting on and i think you generally can't really do that on public Wi-Fi. It'll block you from downloading. Or the speed isn't fast enough to download a movie. So it's like, I'll just do this on my data and then I've got it. You know how the airport is international waters. It's not technically Australia. Is that the case?

I think so. Right. If you stab someone in the airport, what happens? If you commit crime? I think you'd go to jail. Oh, okay. All right. I'm pretty I think you go to jail. Oh, okay. All right. I'm pretty sure you'd go to jail.

I got some splaining to do. What if you were the first person to find that out? Yeah. You stab someone at the airport and they're like, well, I'll be goddamned. Yeah. We can't do it. We can't touch this man. How do you get that through security?

And then it's like, imagine going to the airport if it's like, people can just do whatever they want. And the battle you would have just trying to make it to the gate. Well, they've just got airport jail there. You don't get to go to normal airport. And your friends and family can come and visit you if they're on their way to the Gold Coast. You can only leave the airport if your government cares enough about you to get you back. I love that.

To come and extradite you. You stab someone at the airport. You get put in airport jail. And the only way anyone can visit you is if they're on their way somewhere. Where is airport jail? So it's like... Because you're past security.

Airport jail is Terminal 13 or something. Yeah, okay. Like something stupid. You're past security so it's not like people have to have had a ticket and gone through. Yeah, so you're like, well, I'm off to...

I'm doing a trip to Vietnam before Ho Chi Minh City. I guess I can go and see Blakey. Because that time he stabbed someone at the Jetstar Terminal. And instead of, you know, you going around going, you know, I want to go to Hungry Jack's before I get on the flight. You have to go in and like talk to him through the glass. Oh, no, even worse. You're there and you're like, you've got 15 minutes.

You're like, I could through the glass. Oh, no, even worse. You're there and you're like, you've got 15 minutes. You're like, oh, I could go see Brett. And then you're like, I wouldn't mind a Biggie Smalls though. Yeah, yeah. And they only have one at the airport. So it's not like, I mean, I've spent heaps of time with Brett. Yeah. I haven't had that much Biggie Smalls. Fuck, what if you're Blakey, you're in jail.

And this is just canon now. Blakey's in jail at the airport. And he's still got access to social media. I don't know what happens in prison these days, whether you can do that or not, but let's say that's a thing. Yep. And you see Tommy Daslow's in Vietnam and it's like, can't. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I'm still checking in on Facebook when I get there. No, no, no. Even though I know I fucked him. No, but you're on Insta. And it's like you're in Vietnam and it's like, mate, well, you didn't take a boat there, did you? Well, then it turns into, well, now I can't post about the trip at all. Right, right.

Because he'll see that from the jail. Yeah, right. Why are they letting him on social media? I don't know. That seems like an oversight by the authorities. Well, you know, it's like saying, oh, you're in jail. Well, you're not allowed to eat anymore. It's like, no, you've got to treat people humanely.

Let them on Instagram. Let them do things. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. Are you allowed to do that? Are you banned from, is jail, are you banned from social media in jail? I would imagine you don't get internet access.

Surely. Surely. Well, you get, you internet access. Surely. Surely. Well, you get... You get books. You get books. You get like regulated TV time. Okay. But free reign of the internet, I can't imagine.

Well, you don't get to send an email. Surely. No. Okay. You're in jail. Okay. Well, again... Sending email is fun.

What if they let you do your email... Books are fun. TV is fun. Yeah is fun. What if they let you do your email? Books are fun. TV is fun. Yeah, true. What if they let you do your email, but it's only like the ones that you don't want to? It's like tax time's coming up. Well. You got this email from your account and you got to reply to that.

Yeah. But also. What's this? A fun little minion meme? You're not allowed to look at that. You get to have mail if you're in jail. Yeah, true. You get to have pen pals and stuff like that and they check

it on the way out so is it a thing where you're sitting there on the communal ibm yeah and then before you hit send on anything there's someone over your shoulder just just fact checking just making sure it's not a crime yeah making sure that you're not you know sending someone a stabbing through the through email or something i just find it it hard to picture the jail computer room where they're bothered to just get like eight Dells and keep them maintained to a standard that the prisoners can use. Yes. I don't know.

Let us know. Let us know. Let us know if you're listening to this under incarceration. In the big house. Yeah. Let us know. Yeah. Let us know how,

if there's a certain amount of podcasts you're allowed to download per week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If we're on the approved prison list of podcasts. Let us know what the Wi-Fi is like in prison. Let us know what anal sex is like. Giving or receiving. Yep. Either or.

Yeah. Let us know if you've taken one up to Tucker Cass. Yep. Yeah. Thanks, Tucker. Or if you've tuckered someone up the bum. Yeah. Yeah.

There we go. Thanks, Tucker. Tied that back beautifully. Thank you very much to Patreon up the bum. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. Thanks, tuck. Tied that back beautifully. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Erica Drew. Okay. Past tense. So now we have to find out what the picture is of. Right.

As she was being born, she was Erica Drawing. Yes. Now she's Erica Drew. Yes. Yes. What's your a very good drawing. Yes. Yes. What's your favourite drawing, Tommy? Fuck, that's a really good question. That one behind you is pretty good.

I like that one. It's by an artist I like. Oh, yeah. A comic guy called Peter Bag. Peter Bag. Peter Bag, one of the greats. I like a lot of Daniel Klaus. Can I say a whole book?

Yes Or has it got to be one specific panel? No Okay Whatever you want to say His book Patience is really good Okay What's your favourite drawing?

Don't know Yeah I don't know No idea Calvin pissing on the Ford logo Yep That's a good one Sure That's it

Yep My daughter I've been saving my daughter's uh drawings yep when she does a real good one what's she done lately that's been good um she's starting to get into she's big fan of rainbows so she's just non-stop rainbows but she's starting to do a bit of um she drew her first like person with legs and oh yeah stuff like that i'm like ah so this is this is this is how you think things work was it meant to be was it like of you or her mum

or nah she would just say whatever whatever whoever's around whoever wants to hear it at the time yeah this is of you

this is of Crunchy it's like it's not Crunchy that's a person yep that's like cat yep so yeah

I did teach her how to do a cat so now she does a cat yep little pointy ears yep yep does a little face on the cat whiskers

yeah whiskers triangle nose no upside down triangle nose no no no hasn't done that Yep. Yep. Does a little face on the cat. Whiskers. Yeah, whiskers, tail. Triangle nose. No. Upside down triangle nose. No, no, no, no. Hasn't done that. That's a good point. Maybe I'll teach her that next.

Yep. She goes, I try and get her to do that. I try and get her to, I'll write her name and then she copies the name. But she's starting, she was all for that. Now I've got to trick her into like teaching her new things. Yeah. Because when she's starting to get that vibe she literally said to me yesterday daddy you're trying to make me learn

and i don't like it yeah so she's starting to get to that point where she knows that school is for fools school's bad yeah is she so she starts proper school next year next year yeah wow yeah yeah time has absolutely flown no it hasn't because most of her upbringing was in lockdown so yeah it's about right yep yep uh but it will be weird her going to school um but she's in kinder and she's uh doing all right but i have to go to her i have to go to her friend of hers birthday party on the weekend it's my first friend's birthday party where my wife has done more than enough of them and now it's me doing it.

And are these – I think we talked about this when we talked about your daughter's party. Is this like you're hanging around the whole time? Yep. Right. Yep. It's not a just drop them off and – No, no. Which did we talk about this, wasn't it?

Because I thought the consensus was generally it's like, hey, look, we'll take care of it all. This is like you're getting the break. Yes, but I think at a certain age. Still a bit young, maybe. This is like my daughter's birthday party is four. So you don't go, here's a four-year-old, do it the fuck you want with him. I think once it gets to six or eight or whatever it is, then it's like, yep. I mean, fuck, that's going to be sweet.

Yeah. Well, until we have to do it. Well, sure. But that's once. But no, you're right. You be sweet. Yeah. Well, until we have to do it. Well, sure. But that's once. But no, you're right. You're right. Yeah. That's the ratio is like you host one.

Yeah. And then hopefully if your kid's popular enough at school, it's every other weekend. Yeah. Saturday afternoon to yourself. Yeah. Yeah. That will be all right. But at the moment, I'm, yeah, fuck.

The good thing is that this The tip and trick And that we may have talked about weeks ago When we started talking about all this stuff Is you have an invite And you do a definite time Yep It's not like

Turn up at this time There's no end date That's the trick My friend tried to do that To a dinner party he had Oh yeah that's good About a year ago or so You have to get out at this time

As a grown up Yeah it was like Hey big Or maybe I think it was like a Christmas thing that they had. Like, hey, let's get all our mates together. Sunday afternoon, 2 p.m. till 8 p.m. And we were like, really? We're just being kicked out at this time. We were just like, this is – I don't know.

That's good. I mean, good on you, but also like, I don't know. I like it. I like it as a move to do myself. Yes. But when it comes good on you, but also like, I don't know. I like it. I like it as a move to do myself. Yes. But when it comes back to you, it's like, man, come on. What if the party, what if it really kicks off? Yeah.

What if we're all having a great time? Yeah, but you know what? I mean, this is slightly different, but there's a couple next to us that seem very like, you know, there's no trouble. There's no whatever. They seem like a really clean living couple and everything's maintained well and whatever and every now and then they just decide we're gonna have a big piss up in our apartment and it's right next to our apartment like our bedroom door okay and they just fucking just invite mates over and then have it all outside

yep and it's like a you've got inside yeah bring it inside your outside's so fucking loud b if you're gonna have a heap of mates over honestly in a small apartment block there's a pub over the road yeah just fucking bring it to the pub sorry bring it inside or don't have it outside on a weeknight or on a weekend at fucking midnight it sucks yeah i've had to pull the fucking old man trick of coming out and going it's i've got a kid well we've had i've talked about it before we've had our neighbors kick off and like i can't do it i can't go over and be that person oh yeah well that's just that's just admitting it's like yep yeah i'm this guy now yeah i know but like that's the thing about having a kid but a kid gives you the yeah yeah

yeah i got the license yeah because it's like i can't go and go you're keeping me away yeah it's like i have to get up early to sit on the couch and watch tv yes yes and that's a real breakthrough guys yeah okay i've just i've i've just feeling good about this yeah because before that i had to complain i'd be like guys you're keeping me up i have to get up well i don't know about this. Yeah, because before that I had to complain. I'd be like, guys, you're keeping me up. I have to get up. Well, I don't have to get up tomorrow morning. I'll be working, but I will be in bed all day. But I have to be awake for it. But that's only because the PowerPoint is next to the bed.

I haven't figured out that there's... I haven't bought an extension cord yet. That's down the track a little way. Yeah. Okay? But I have to be awake. Prop myself up on pillows. Yeah. Well, thanks...

Yeah, thanks Erica Drew. Thanks, Erica Drew. Erica Drew. Erica Drew. Yep. Erica Drew. She did. And now it's pride of place on the fridge. Yeah.

Nice. Yeah. I've got a nice little collection. But she's a little blanket. She's like, I told her the other day, I've got a big collection of all your greatest hits, all your best artworks. She's like, well, I need them now. You need to. It was a mistake to say that. I need to put them in a best artwork she's like well i need them now you need to you know it was a mistake to say that because she's like i need i need to have it i need to improve them i need to punch them up you know she can do right she can do better now

than she did a year ago yeah like no no there's no there's no remakes sorry yeah you know i like the original there's nothing wrong with these ones they're were of a certain time. Sure, they were using some words and some imagery that are not appropriate in 2023. Of course. But I'm separating the art from the artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You're different. You've grown.

Yep. Literally. Yep. I can, you know, I think we're fine. I'm not going to cancel you at age four. Yep. You just put a little disclaimer on them. Yeah.

This is from an era in the interest of, you know. Outside her art. Preserving it. She had a very tiny brain. Yeah, this is how people thought back then. She's basically a fucking idiot. Yeah. Yeah.

It's, yeah, that's fine. Okay. Well, let's just do one more and then we're free from this hell that we've created for ourselves. Yeah, great. This little prison. I'm feeling fucking dehydrated. I need some water did you have your beers last night no i'm just feeling i know yeah i haven't i haven't quite caught up on the whole sleep scene yet i think since comedy festival yeah okay which has been a week and a half or something something and then

i've got to walk out and make the call am I doing it are you going to Ikea yeah or am I just going to the pub that's like a block away it's a favourite of mine but I went the other day after last week

when we did a bunch of this sort of stuff and it's the first time I've been genuinely disappointed by that pub so food not up to scratch no yeah interesting

they fucked everything I've got three things I've got three things. I got a main, an entree, and the drink, and all three of them, no good. Damn. Anyway, thank you very much to the final Patreon subscriber this week. Thank you very much to Meatballs Comedy.

Oh, wow. Yeah. What part of the world are they from? I'm not sure, but that's certainly what I'm choosing on the menu to close this episode on. Yeah. Yes. Still only $13. Wow.

Unbelievable. Wow. In this economy. With mashed potato. Well, thanks. Thanks, everyone. Thanks, Mashed Potatoes Comedy. Thanks, Meatballs Comedy. Do we get a little bit of extra money from them on the side?

Yeah. Like, Mashed Potato Comedy? A little gravy comedy. I think so, yeah. Thanks for listening. Thanks, Jack. from them on the side. Yeah. Like mashed potato comedy. A little gravy comedy. I think so, yeah. Thanks for listening. Thanks, Jack. Thanks for supporting the show.

Thanks, Jack, Matthew, Tucker, Erica and Meatballs this week. LittleDumbDumbClub.com Get your tickets for Brisbane. Sign up to the Patreon. Get the bonus episodes every week and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.