The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 663 - Lehmo & Ben Knight

Episode Date: June 21, 2023

This week we're taking our shoes off at the door with BEN KNIGHT and LEHMO! We notice something different about Ben Knight so we get right into the world of male pattern baldness, hair transplants and all sorts of other cosmetic surgeries. PLUS Karl's back from a family holiday to Phuket where he's eaten a fish curry on the side of the road and what happens next WILL SHOCK YOU! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ben Knight and Lemo. If you want to support the show, you can get onto patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club, get yourself some bonus episodes every week and help keep the lights on in here. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then, enjoy this new one with Ben Knight and Lemo! Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Ben Knight and Lima. The big challenge to make this funnier than the stuff we were going on with before the episode. The big challenge. That was a good chat.

Hey, I've just realized I'm the only person in Carl Chandler's lounge room with my shoes on. I know. Is that a problem? It's a shoe-free zone, mate. Ew. I'll take them off. Anyone who's done Adelaide Breakfast Radio is allowed to do it. Yeah. Come on, Limo.

You know how these Orientals like to live. Yes. Shoes off the door, thanks. Exactly. Please, catch the yellow fever and take your shoes off, please. Tommy, do the voice like before we started. Yeah. Sorry, I should have.

Usually I alert people that they're doing the wrong thing by banging my gong, but it's in the shop this week. My gong's in the shop. When you travel overseas outside of Thailand. Sorry, what's that? Yeah, yeah. When you travel outside of Australia and outside of Thailand and people say, what's your nationality,

do you sometimes balk and have to ask yourself, what am I, Thai or what? No, I never think I'm Thai. It's not an STD. I can't catch a nationality. Is the shoes off indoors thing, yeah, is that an attempt to be a bit more like, yeah, Asian, get into the realm of Thailand? I'm sure that's a custom over there. It's an attempt for me to stop having to pay dry cleaning for

this carpet that's what it is that's all it is i just my wife kept wanting to like wash the carpet and stuff it's like how about we just stop tracking dog shit in into the house instead that'd be good i tell you what it does make me very conscious of the kinds of socks that i'm wearing when i come around here got a lot of socks that have holes all the way through them because of my dog yeah and often i'm like ah whatever who's seeing the socks when i'm coming around here. Got a lot of socks that have holes all the way through them because of my dog. And often I'm like, ah, whatever. Who's seeing the socks? When I'm coming around here,

I'm like, I can't have my big toe sticking out. My friends will make fun of me. It's like, and look, speaking of travelling in Asia, it does remind you, you go,

well, why would you have your shoes on inside when you've been walking around and the dog shit outside, all the fucking chewing gum and whatever. It's the same as going to Asia and then you're getting

the bum gun in the toilet and you go, you know, the water cannon. The bidet. It's the same as going to Asia and then you're getting the bum gun in the toilet. And you go, you know, the water cannon. The bidet. No, the little water gun. Oh, the gun thing. Yeah, the gun. Yeah, that thing fucking rules. Yeah.

And when you first get it, this is so fucking ridiculous. And then you shoot up your bum and go, yeah, that's actually quite smart. You were just telling us a very different story off air about getting a bum gun in the toilet. Yeah. Southeast Asia. Sorry, I didn't realise we were talking about getting a bum gun in the toilet. Yeah. Southeast Asia. Sorry, I didn't realise we were talking about the hose. It's also the name of his autobiography. There was a lot of stuff shooting up my arse as well in that story.

That's how you pay for the dry cleaning of the carpet. This is the bum gun I was using after the other bum gun to clean that out. The other movie starring Tom Cruise. Yeah. Bum gum. But if you get shit on your hand, you don't,

as they say, if you get shit on your hand, you don't just get a tissue and you wipe off, you know, the shit off your hand. You wash your hand. So if you've got shit hanging off your ass,

boom, put some water up there and wash it off. Man, I just got back from Vietnam and that's the best thing ever. Yeah. Those guns, those bum guns.

What's your technique with it? Full throttle, hard as I can. On my back, legs up over my head. Then I sit on the toilet and go to the toilet. Because I know some people that when they wipe their ass, they stand up and wipe their ass. Okay. I'm a stand-up.

Yeah, I'm a stand-up. So how do you use the bum gun standing up? You get it fucking everywhere. Well, see, this is what... No, I hover. I hover, though. You get halfway up

because you aim your ass over the toilet. He's acting it out for us for the listeners. Yeah, but then your cheeks aren't spread, though. Yeah, you're right. But that's a real...

I do it sitting down. I go down in between the legs while the cheeks are spread. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, you use the bum gun that way. Yeah, I go down... You put the bum gun into the toilet. Yeah, so I go down in between the legs while the cheeks are spread. You use the bum gun that way? Yeah. You put the bum gun into the toilet?

Yeah. So I go down, up and under. That's how I do it. Yeah. Okay. All right. But I'm weird. Next time I go to Thailand in, what's that, three hours, I'll...

We've talked about this before. What I've never been able to work out with the bum gun is then how do you dry off? Toilet paper. Toilet paper. That's what the toilet paper's for. Hang on. But there's rarely... Exactly.

Often, in my experience in Southeast Asia, there might be a bum gun and no toilet paper. Anytime I've used one, it's been out of necessity because there's been only the bum gun and no toilet paper. See, I would just shake it off. I would choose bum gun. Stand up, have a shake. I'm the same as... I'm a big one of washing my hands and then toilet paper. See, I would just shake it off. I would choose bum going. Stand up, have a shake. I'm the same as... And I'm a big one of washing my hands and then not drying

and just like flapping them in the breeze and letting it out of the toilet. Disgusting. Sometimes I don't even wash up. If I do a wee, sometimes I don't wash my hands. Do you? Nah.

That is really huge to admit in a public forum. I ain't giving a shit. How dirty is your dick? No, exactly. You know where your dick's been yeah yeah well like if i've just had a shower like i've just had a shower gone to the airport done away like it's it's fresh but where's the airport i don't know look i'll do that i'll do that in melbourne if i'm in southeast asia i will i will clean because i'm like i don't know where my dick's

been over here i feel pressure i feel pressure from people if there's people there if there's no one in the toilet i'm like i'm walking straight out my dick's clean over here. I feel pressure. I feel pressure from people. If there's people there, if there's no one in the toilet, I'm like, I'm walking straight out. My dick's clean. I didn't piss on anything. My dick's probably cleaner than my hands.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm wiping my hands on my dick to clean my hands. My hands are exposed to the elements. My dick is like in a little,

it's got two layers of protectives on. Yeah. Yeah. I will, I'll often put my dick in a basin full of warm water afterwards. I've never watched Blokeswell.

But you're not washing your hands because they've touched your dick. You're washing your hands because they've been near the piss. Right. Yeah. It's the proximity to the piss. It's the microbes of splashback that you get in. You're not pissing back on your own penis. Oh, no.

I piss straight in the mouth. In the air. Right, right. You make your hand into a little she-wee. Like a little fountain. Just a direct... Just turning on a fire hose without any control. Like one of those

big blow-up people by the side of a highway at a tyre shop. I like to stand a foot back from the urinal. I cut my hands. I piss into that. Right, yeah.

And then I deposit, and then I kind of drop the piss. Deposit that in the urinal. That happens, though, if you've got a big fourie. It can go everywhere. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Okay. Like, when I was little, I've grown into it, but I remember when I was little, I remember

it, like, you'd pee, and then it'd go, woo, and it'd go everywhere. Oh, like a doggy door. Yeah. No, like it'd shoot around like that. Yeah, right it'd go everywhere. Oh, like a doggy door. Yeah. No, like it'd shoot around like that. Yeah, right. I don't know how many of you guys have got flories. Have you ever had a pube caught over the end of it and then you get two streams?

Oh, yeah. I've never had a pube, so no. Oh, you keep yourself nicely waxed. So I hear. So I hear. I'm 11. I don't know if I've said that on the pod before. Cal's got a beautiful little landing strip down there.

I've covered a lot of ground already. Oh, no, that is good. If there's any women still listening to the show, thanks for hanging on. I think both of them have cheated. A quick dating story for the women still listening. Yes. Just going back to the socks. Yeah. I think this may have been the first time I ever took a woman to a date to a restaurant.

Right. I was like 18. And we were in Melbourne Street in North Adelaide. And we went... Melbourne Street? In North Adelaide, yes. Oh, okay. And we went to this Japanese restaurant.

I thought I was being really fancy and I was really nervous about a restaurant. Because I grew up in the country. I'd hardly ever been to a restaurant, right? There are a lot of jokes about going to Melbourne Street in Adelaide. Put your bloody black skivvy on to go down Melbourne Street. No, none. That's a shame. Seems like a missed opportunity.

Bit of fun there. I mean, you've got fresh air if you want to go over it when you're yeah yeah yeah it's all yours maybe I'll relocate myself a bit of fun so I walk into the restaurant

and the waitress says oh just take your shoes off and leave them here we're going to a Japanese restaurant and I'm kind of balking at it and then

the guy I'm going to date where she takes her shoes off and she goes are you going to take your shoes off and I'm like ah and I was really awkward she said take your shirt and'm going to date, she takes her shoes off and she goes, are you going to take your shoes off? And I'm like, ah. And it was really awkward. She said, take your shirt. And I was like, ah.

So I take my shoes off. And the reason I was walking at it is because this is my first year at a boarding school and all my socks had name tags sewed into them. So I had the name tag that said Anthony Lehman sewed into the top of each sock that I was wearing. Yeah. Great. And how did the date respond to that? sock that I was wearing. Yeah. Great. And how did the date respond to that?

She thought it was kind of cute. I could imagine that being a hearing. Yeah, exactly. I reckon that's a tough one. It's like, he was great. I think he was the one. But then he had his name on his socks. So we had to break up.

But it was also, I don't know why my mum sewed them into the top of the sock. Yeah, that's pretty brutal. Yeah, that's pretty brutal. It could have been the bottom of the sock. Yeah, fuck mum. Yeah, anyway. I remember that at school, having your name sewn on things and just finding it so embarrassing. I might bring it back. Yeah.

Get those little custom name tags printed out. Put them on the undies. Fucking socks, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, everything had a name tag on it at boarding school. Everything. Yeah, did you keep them on? Did you keep those socks on when you were going to Pound 10? Everything had a name tag on it at boarding school. Everything. Yeah. Did you keep them on?

Did you keep those socks on when you were going to Pound 10? Yeah. Did the date go well and you put on a condom and it's got Limo written on it? So that the boys at boarding school don't steal my frangers. It had someone else's name on it. Borrowing it from a friend. Mum, stop selling my name on my condoms. You know I'm a bear backer, Mum.

Don't embarrass me in front of my date. I tell my friends I only go in raw. You put knees everywhere. It's embarrassing. Well, we're sitting here with Ben Knight, who's strolled in here looking very different to how I expected him to look. Oh, good segue. I think Ben Knight, I think kind of –

The traditional look of Ben Knight is long locks. Yeah. Yeah. Big bit of a beard. Yeah. Big built man and, like, yeah, beautiful flowing locks. Stop it. Often up in a bit of a kind of semi-man bun situation.

Yeah. You've come in here today. Full shaved. Full shaved. Full shaved, yep. I had a hair transplant. Now, this is wild. Now, you keep saying this and I still...

You don't believe me, do you? I don't believe you. Everyone thinks that. You know what? You do, but looking at the hairline... The hairline's back, baby. Look at that. Because a mate of mine had a hair transplant. Yeah. And it did look a bit like that. Yeah. You know what? But looking at the hairline and what's there. Because a mate of mine had a hair transplant.

And it did look a bit like that. But why? Because my picture of you is heaps of hair. Yeah, no. I hid it well. You've gone so early with it. But you gotta. You're not going to make any joke with that?

No. That was open. Anyway. I go early. Anyway. What? There's nothing was open. Anyway, I go earlier. Anyway, the what? There's nothing funny about baldness, mate. I was just leaving that open. You've gone way too early with it.

I'm looking at Tommy. He's like, keep going. No, I didn't. I didn't go early with it. It was getting thinner. If I show you the photos, It's the hairline's back Like the hairline's way further back Yeah

It was running away Can I show you my hair Yeah And you tell me if what You had going on similar to me right So I kind of cover that up Well like that right But if I do this

Oh yeah Yeah a little bit See that Yeah a little bit Yeah And then it's super thin on top And then I've got this gap In between the front tuft

Yeah yeah There You could do it if you wanted And then my, yeah. You could do it if you wanted. My hair starts there. You could do it if you wanted. I'm too old, man. Yeah, how old are you? 53. Are you really?

Yeah. Dude, you look fucking great. Thanks, man. Who gives a shit? Okay, I don't care anymore. No, you'll hold on to that stuff. You'll hold on to that. See, I'm 38.

And it was starting to go, I reckon, like 30s. When I hit 30, it started to thin out and then, yeah. I would say don't give up on it though because mine started to thin a bit in my 30s and this is something that really annoys Hughsy that I haven't gone completely bald. It makes him angry.

Why does he care? He's got a good head. Because he wants everyone to be worse off somebody yeah yeah yeah that's so funny yeah i just reckon you've gone so early with it when you have it you've jumped out of the bath one day and combed it the wrong way and gone oh fuck this no i've been thinking about it for a little bit. Trust me. Once you notice it, you really fucking notice it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, because it started going a bit thinner. The hairline started running away.

And then I did, well, my girlfriend's an ICU nurse as well. So she did a heap of research and that sort of stuff. Oh, did she start the research before you even brought it up? She was like, hey. Just putting it under, like, instead of engagement rings, she just started putting hair transplants in. Oh, there's been no hints of marriage, just hints of wigs.

She was pegging me in the ass from behind and she was like, you've got a bit of a bald spot back here. Bro, I told you not to talk about my girlfriend's bum gun. Yeah, I don't think I've gone early with it. Right, okay. Because I was... Well, if you know you're going to do it at some point...

Literally, I reckon the last time you were on this show, I remember you saying, oh, thinning ginger over here, and I remember the rest of us going, who are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, and I wore it well, though, because when you put it back in a man bun,

it sort of covers it all, right? And the hairline was definitely going back, and on top was a bit thinner. I'll show you photos, but I'd just finished this film, and the new TV series, second season, hasn't started yet, so I had a bit of money and a heap of space in between. So I was like, now's the good.

They asked you if you wanted to audition for the new George Costanza in the reboot of Seinfeld, and you went, this is a bit of a hint. Actually. Yeah, exactly. I know he's got plugs. We can't have him. So talk us through it.

What's the process? Is this where they take hair from another part of your body and plant it? Why are you pointing at the ass? They take it from your ass, don't they? Yeah, they do take it from your ass. Dude, they can take it from your beard if you want. Have your balls now got male pattern baldness?

They were fresh ass, baby. So they take it from the back of your head where all the good shit is. So it's like real thick in the back. And then you lay down on your tummy for like four hours. And they just use this little machine and take it out follicle by follicle. Because they used to take the big fucking strip out. They used to take like this big long strip and then stitch your head back together and then cut out the individual follicles.

But now they get like these little individual ones and then they put it in this gun. And then so you're down for four hours on your tummy and then you flip over and then the doctor just starts putting it in where it used to be. And does it hurt? Nah, you're numbed up. You're numbed up the whole time. Yeah, Valium. I fell asleep.

And is it one four-hour session and that's it? Four hours on your tummy where they extract it, and then you flip over, and then four hours putting it back in. Oh, so you were there for eight hours? Yeah, it was a big day. It was fucking huge. What do you...

Yeah, you watch Netflix during that. Oh, you watch... That was going to be my question. Yeah, the second half you watch Netflix. Is this like a long-haul flight? Yeah, it is yeah you've got it was real funny you go through three or four movies kind of well i said they had youtube as well and i put on um shane gillis i was like stand up yes put up some stand up and like none of them were laughing i felt like fuck it's so shit you know when you show someone something they're like not laughing i was like yeah they

were cool though i was like fuck this is shit you guys don't like it they they're not laughing? I was like, they were cool though. I was like, fuck, this is shit. You guys don't like it. And they go, no, it's good. I was like, nah, I get it. And then, yeah, changed it over to... Are you getting meals? Are they feeding you? Yeah, they fed us.

So they're probably trying not to laugh at people who are getting hair transplants as well, I reckon. I mean, it's good that the doctor wasn't giggling. Yeah. Just end up with a couple right in the middle of the forehead. Yeah. I mean, you don't want to work in that field and hate people who come in. Look at our fucking booty here. What a loser.

Yeah, yeah. They were very nice. So it's eight hours and that's it? Yeah. And now you're just waiting for it all to grow. You're planting the seeds now. You're waiting for the garden, for the rain to come in and for it to grow. Exactly, yeah.

So like, it scabs up and then you just keep washing it and the scabs come off and then all the follicles are in there now and then what happens, because this is pretty

like thick at the moment and then sometimes it drops out and then it'll grow back through. What I do like, so I, you know, you know better than anyone because you're looking at yourself every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No you know, you know better than anyone because you're looking at yourself every day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one else is looking at you as hard as you're looking at you. Totally. I wouldn't have noticed. But what I do notice now that you've brought it up is you've got one of those like Eddie Murphy hairlines now where it's just like, you know, a couple of inches above your eyes. It's just a fucking flat line. No, it's curved. Look, if I put my head down like that.

But it's like, it's pretty, like it's pretty thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hairline, that's why I believed you straight I put my head down like that. But it's pretty thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The hairline, that's why I believed you straight away when you said you got it done. Yeah. It's that hairline. Sort of Lego. They made it curved. It only looks flat because it's back like that.

But see if I put it down like that. They made it curved because I didn't want one of those fucking Lego haircuts. You're dismissing the flat hair theory. Okay. All right. Fair enough. Fuck this. I'm getting it done, I'm getting it done I'm going Are you actually going to get it done?

Fuck, I might Yeah, it's tempting Is it pricey? No dudes talk about it This is the thing, yeah Look at how far we've come Sure, men still hang themselves regularly Because we don't talk about our feelings

But the fact that we can be on a podcast Opening up to having had a hair transplant and wanting a hair transplant this is what's so wild because we did a gig together last night we're at spleen last night and every cunt that walked in the room was like hey nighty and you're like had a hair transplant like you did say it after they said oh you, you shaved your head. No, no, you were front foot with everything. I'm like, I've never seen someone so proud of anything, let alone this. I get it. I'm not going to show my foreskin, mate. He's wearing a T-shirt that said, ask me about my hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've actually shaved arrows in your beard to point at your hair. I understand, though, you want to front foot it. You don't want people, if you feel like you're because you're doing the right thing yeah like you kind of can't hide it

or like you because yeah it was only if they said Carl's hammered it out trying to embarrass me I'm really not I'm really not if they said like

oh dude not like if they said you shaved your head and I'm like yeah I got a hair transplant yeah yeah yeah because if you

you've gotten it early enough that like you, you may be like, most people would have just thought, oh yeah, he's just shaved his head. Yeah. There would be the odd few people

out there being like, no, so his like a little bit thicker now. Yeah. I didn't want to do that. You don't want to sow the seeds of doubt. Like I said to you,

I said, you could have got away with it. I know. I reckon I could have as well. Yeah. But there's enough There's enough doubt there That people And I didn't want to be like that either

But also Who cares Yeah Exactly You know what I mean But dudes do care That's the fucking weird thing Like dudes

I know that like People just go Just go to Turkey Get it done And go on a vacation And they come back And it's like No one wants to talk about it Heaps of fucking actors do it that's what you said last night when

i saw you and you said all this stuff and i didn't believe you and then you were like i really did i really got a hair transplant i was like where do you get that done you go turkey i'm like oh fuck cool and you're like no i'm joking i'm like what's real anymore i don't know what's happening i didn't go to turkey but there's photos of all these dudes going to Turkey. I don't know if you've seen the memes. Australian men coming back from Turkey. The flight coming back. Full head of hair.

No, no. All bald with the tape over the back of their head. Yeah, right. But I didn't want to go over there because it can be pretty dodge, apparently. When I was thinning early. I wouldn't get a fucking kebab in Turkey. When I was thinning in my 20s, I would like thinning. I wouldn't get a fucking kebab in Turkey. When I was like thinning, like in my twenties,

I would get so distracted. Like any movie I would see, I would always be like looking at people's hairlines and thinking like, Oh my, like I'm worse, like mine's worse. Yeah. I remember saying that weirdly,

this sticks in my head. I remember saying that on an episode that we did of this with Scott Ockerman from comedy comedy bang bang who's in la and he was like here's a little secret anyone on camera in hollywood everyone's had work done on their hair everyone yeah yeah so it's like like literally like the the amount of people who like go bald naturally and then the amount of hollywood people that you see on camera it's like it's just you know like if you're an actor and you're in your 20s and you see on camera it's like it's just you know like if you're an actor and you're in your 20s and you start to see it you like you get they all fucking do it and

that's the thing that annoys me because like i asked my management my acting management and they're like yeah fucking i was i said i'm thinking about doing this and they go go do it everyone fucking does it yeah like sick all right so we need it we need a national day national day of plugs Ricky Ponting is one Ricky Ponting was near bald now he's got a full head of hair

all those cricket players Jordan Lewis Warnie's famous for it was doing the ads for it yeah my favourite cricketer that was Doug Bollinger who didn't do

what you've done Bollinger yeah he just got like a wig stuck on the top of his head and his instruction to teammates was don't touch it. And so they all started.

Yeah. So there's this great vision of him taking a wicket. I can't remember who it was against, but one of his teammates rubs in for the hair ruffle, and it comes loose. Oh, no. Does it? And poor Doug's just taken a wicket at international level.

He's having a little throwdown. The looper. Yeah. And then the next book. Tony Gregg's come over and sticking a key into it. Oh, a bit soft. I remember Sam Thornton saying to me about seven years ago, he's like, the sixth thing is,

if you crowdfunded on the podcast to go overseas and get a hair transplant. I like how you're doing the voice. You'd get the money instantly. I'm like, the sad thing is you're right. Me launching a GoFundMe to go to Bangkok and get a hair transplant. Man, people do GoFundMes for way fucking dumber shit than that. I'm not going to do a GoFundMe. That's pathetic.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I saw a chick that I went to school with. She just started a GoFundMe to get her fake titties taken out. Oh, man. Yeah. She got them put in and she said, oh, no, they're hurting. Started a GoFundMe. Were people donating? Yeah. Did she make the money? Yeah, she got them put in and she said, oh, no, they're hurting. Started a GoFundMe. Were people donating?

Yeah. She made the money? Yeah, she was. How many men contributed? Yeah, none. Yeah, I'm going to start a GoFundMe to get a few inches taken off. It's too hard to walk, mate. I need 10K to be able to live my life.

Do you really want to do it? I would like to do it, yeah. I mean, like, you make your peace with it. I'm glad to have started going bald earlier in life because it just gives you more time to... You see people, like, yeah, late 30s and whatever, kind of, like, lose their minds when it comes on. So it's nice to have that time to just make your peace with it.

But that said, I would slaughter everyone in this room and everyone listening to have a head of hair again. That's what, yeah. Dude, it's such an interesting one for fellas. And it's like one of the last things you can tease. Like bald men are fucking open season. Yeah. It's a disability.

Let's call it what it is. No, but if you look different for any reason, it's gingers, it's bald men, and I don't know what else. But that's open season. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've got both. I've got both of them.

Yeah, you're the rare one going in there going, can I have more red hair? Dude, don't steal my joke. Can you change the colour of it while you're at it my joke that I did there was I think the joke I did last night

I don't know if you heard it was I think it was the first ginger to ever go in there did you say I don't listen yeah I was the first ginger to go in like the doctor

looked at my head the same way the vet looked at our 13 year old pug that needed chemo so we can try to save it but it's best for everyone if you just let it go. Anyway, I was funny last night. I think mine was better.

This is a huge week for you. You go in, you get the transplant, then you're straight out there. You're doing a gig. You're telling everyone in the green room. You're on the PR trail. Yeah, then you're out there doing material about it. The next morning, you're getting up. You're doing a podcast about it.

Hang on a sec. Have you done a deal with the hair transplant place? Did you get this procedure? I haven't even mentioned which one it is because I want to see how good it turns out

and then I'll maybe mention it. But also, I'd like a little discount if I'm going to mention it. They said... I'm the same. Free. Yeah, well, when you tick the boxes well when you when you tick the boxes right

when you when you tick the boxes there's one at the bottom that says like uh ad material like can we use your stuff oh sure yeah i was like no you can't use it um because i don't want fucking no you won't what about this okay what about this if yours works out you get onto them and you go hey look i've got a mate who heard all about this. He's a very high profile podcaster and he's interested. I'm going to recommend you but I want a little commission.

And you play them this recording. Also, I want him to have my red hair. Sure. Okay. That's the real monkey paw, isn't it? Like,

I'd do anything to have hair again and then it comes back. It's thinning, curly ginger. I'm like, oh, no. Not like this. Now, just sign here for the new episode of Black Mirror. Oh, God. Tom Gleeson used to talk about it being a balding redhead.

Really? Yeah. His joke was, it's mixed emotions because I'm balding but it is red hair yeah yeah that was his kind of

I can't remember if he did anything else on it but that was kind of the vibe of his bit yeah yeah I started thinking about that when I was

yeah when I was going ginger whether I just see that that's the other psychological part of it I was like are you just being a

fucking pussy shaver like that no although you're on the c I was like are you just being a fucking pussy shaver like that no although you were on the cusp of becoming a you know an actor who's gonna get a lot of acting work

yeah you say who cares but it does Matt I was getting a lot of work because of my long red hair like I know it was like alright at acting but like it's a lot

of a lot of it have you got a before picture just before you went in yeah yeah because I still can't picture it oh no you just to me you were like thing but like it's a lot of have you got a before picture just before you went in yeah yeah i still can't picture it oh no you just to me you were like fucking samson or something going in nah dude look at this all right i've got a folder called hair that's mad i wonder if they do if you went

in and you had like the most perfect head of hair whether they would level with you you know what i mean like whether they'd give up the money and just go like... All right. You sure? Okay. Is it just there? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Give us a look.

Yeah, all right. Okay. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. All right. So it's like... Yeah. Yeah.

I think I just wore it well. So like that line there... That look there, you've got real kind of crazy vibes with the hair like that. Right. Yeah, with the hair all out like for Sideshow Bob. Yeah. Yeah. And so they, anyway, I can give you these pictures if you want.

We don't want them. These are some nudes you took last night. Well, I don't know. Like, we're talking about it on a podcast. People can't see it. I don't know if they want visual cues. Right. Okay.

Yeah. And so that's what they take out the back of your hair, like that little dots and shit like that. Is that your head or what's that? Yeah, it's the back of your hair like that little dots is that your head or what's that yeah it's the back of my noggin so they take anything

so it's like a little machine it's like a tattoo yeah that's the best way to describe it it's just like getting a tattoo

pretty much that's the same pain because it's just a needle anyway you could have got something written on the back of your head while you were at it

that would have been good. I did. Eye, heart, spleen forever. Or just a dick and balls. That'd be cool. That'd be on

brand. Congratulations, mate. I'm excited to see how it turns out. I'm worried about the shock loss bit. Apparently all the

hair drops out and you're freaking out for a month or two. But it grows back. And what are we talking money-wise? What ballpark? In Turkey, I think you can do it like 5 or 6K. Right.

But then you don't know if they're good or not. And by the time you go over there and get a really good one, I think they're like 10K. So my one in Melbourne was about 15, I think. Right. So by the time you did everything, I think it's cheaper or a little bit more expensive to stay in Australia. That seems like not that much of a discount to also have had to go all the way to Turkey as well.

Go to Turkey. Yeah, yeah. That's why I didn't want to do it as well. You go to Turkey. Go to Anzac Day time. You go to Gallipoli. Well, it's a great culture. It's so funny just sitting on the beaches

and just see all these dudes with ballads. It's what they fought for. It's my freedom. My hair replacement. That is funny. Like, if there's like, you know, if that's such a renowned place for it, just the jet-star sales that go on.

We've got Bali and we've got Istanbul. And it's like the same people. My fucking algorithm, my Instagram algorithm is full of hot dudes. But also, it's full of, yeah, just hair transplant stuff. Just hair transplant stuff, yeah, yeah. Heads of hair, yeah, because I was researching it so much. If that's how it works, I believe I'm about to get a boob job done. There we go.

Hell yeah. Don't pretend the algorithm hasn't already got you sussed out. How much would you how much would it take for you to get fake titties? Like how much money

would you need? A million dollars. As in us. Yeah. If someone gives you alright Limo I'm going to give you $5 million if you get fake titties and wear them for six months. You can take them out after.

Okay. $5 million for six months. Can I go into hiding for six months? No, you've got to live your normal life. You've got to go on radio. You've got to do all that sort of stuff. You've got to fuck men. Yeah, you know what?

So just live my normal life. Exactly. You know what? So just live my normal life. Exactly. You know what? I reckon it's always funny. I'd probably go to Turkey when you've got all this right here. I'd probably haggle for a bit more. Right. Yeah, okay, all right.

But you've got to remember, what is money for? I would do it and just fucking lean into it. Yeah. So I'd be going on radio, yeah, I've got fake tits, getting five mil for it. Who wouldn't? Call up, guess what size cup I am.

You'd be an idiot. Who wants to feel them? You'd be like me at the open mic. Hi, I'm Liam. I've got fake titties. Yeah, yeah, yes. Yeah, you're a breakfast radio man. You go in there and it's like,

all right, there's two guys and a girl. I can be the girl if you want. Yeah. I can be the girl. I'm flexible. Yeah. And I can be both roles. Yes.

Lean into that. It's Limo and Limo in the morning. Oh, Limo. He can't say that. Limo and Limesh. Oh, that's good. I got Smurf vibes. That's good. I'd dourf vibes. That's good.

I'd do it for free, but I want some hair. If I can have full head of hair as well. On the fake boobs. I'd get around with a big pair of knockers. So you get free hair transplant plus knockers. Yep. I'm in. That's pretty sick.

And you have to get the vag done as well. Sure. Why not? Trim the Adam's apple, everything. You've got to get the vag done as well. Sure. Why not? Trim the Adam's apple, everything. Got to get the lot done. Oh, okay. I'm just fully transitioning. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, but I'm getting hair out of it. Yes. All right. I can live with this. Would you get a vag if you didn't have to get rid of your dick? Like you could just put a vag on you somewhere. All right. We've got to draw the line somewhere, I reckon.

This is a different podcast now. Where are you putting it? I don't know. Like in the sides somewhere? Just in your side. I don't know. Just in your tummy. Where your belly button is.

Turn your belly button into a vagina. That's a vagina. Okay. Like if science was that good. This is the thing. Now that you've had a hair transplant that your home works, you're like, the sky's the limit, boys. You can have a pussy for a belly button.

You know what this is? This is what they do. They take your missus in, they scrape it out of her, and it regrows, and then they just put it on you. You know what this is? This is the guy that gets his first ever tattoo, and then goes, oh, fuck, I've got to get something else done. I'll go and get another thing done.

Has a sleeve within a month. I can't wait for Ben Knight's new festival show, Pussy Gut. We see Knighty, he looks like fucking one of the cunts from Avatar. He's all blue. He's like, oh, look, I fucking got this done. It all started with a hair transplant. They did me a good deal. Fuck.

So you had to pig eye under my arm, vagina in my belly button. I know the problem. I've just been in Bangkok. I got all this quoted anyway, just in case. Well, there's something else I wanted to talk to you guys about. I got a hair transplant

and a pussy in my tummy. I had to go to the mechanic yesterday and the guy there was like that old school bald where he's like dome on top, but then just like a couple of strands. So he's like pretty long at the side. The comb over fucking rules. A couple of strands just sort of hanging down.

He would have been like 60 or something. And I was just like, God, just that. Anytime you watch any footage from the 70s or whatever, it's like people would go bald on top and it's like, I'm not shaving it. The comb over fucking rules, man. The comb over sick. man the comb over's sick yeah Kevin Bartlett

was the classic for Victorian listeners football player for Richmond who had the classic comb over yeah

and he played with a comb over how'd it stay down well it did sometimes it didn't yeah damn that's cool as shit

it was a good look yeah man that's 70s for you yeah that's when men were men. I kind of like blokes that have that classic bald in the middle and then just grow the rest of it long. Yeah. And just go, fuck it, I don't care.

If you can wear it, it's a good look. Yeah. Oh, the long hair at the back. Long hair and you're actually bald on top. Yeah, right. The George Costanza. Yeah. Yeah.

That sort of thing. Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't think I could rock that. Yeah. Well, you won't now. Thanks to Yeah, no, I don't think I could rock that. Yeah. Well, you won't now. Thanks to the fine people. Do you know what? Andy came to try and get it in.

And my girlfriend came with me. And when they shaved my head, she goes, oh, you look great bald. And I'm like, don't fucking tell me that. I'm going to drop 15K now. Yeah. And when I looked in the mirror, I was like, fuck, that actually looks good. So it's good to know. It's a relief, though. Yeah. It's good to in the mirror, I was like, fuck, that actually looks good. So it's good to know. It's a relief, though.

Yeah, it's good to know that my head's not a fucked shape. I shaved my head during lockdown, and I was relieved. Yeah, right. It's not a bad head. Yeah, you look good with a shaved noggin. Tommy, you look great with a shaved noggin as well. So you don't have to stress about it. You have to say that, though.

No, I genuinely think that. You couldn't go around the horn and go, that's a fucking horrible bunce you've got under there. I wouldn't tell you, actually. I can't shave. I'm thinning, but I'm like, I can't shave it. My head's not the... You can't do it. I can't do it.

I wouldn't be able to do it. It's not a good shaved head. Why not? You've got to have a crack. No. That's what you think. You might surprise yourself. I thought that.

Because I feel like I've got this weird flat angular bit at the back. But when I shaved it, it was like, no, it's cool. Yeah, I thought that as well. I thought that because I got a bit there. Yeah. No, I've got like a pointy. You know what I think could work for you? I've got like a pointy sort of bit up here.

No, you know what I think could work? Shave the head. Little goatee. Oh, yeah. Because that's the thing. Once you're bald, you've got to have something else going on in the head. Yeah. A completely smooth head all around.

You've got to have like a bit of a beard. You've got to have something going on. Yeah, yeah. A completely smooth head all around. You've got to have a bit of a beard. You've got to have something going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you can't just be an egg. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you with a little goatee. Ray Shoesmith style. Mr. Inbetween.

Yeah. Yeah. You just have to do it, though, don't you? You've got to. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What would you go?

Goatee? Or a string moustache? No, you can't do that. I'm not going to go. You'd do something sick. I can't. Yeah. I don't know.

What about just super long sideburns? Nah. Some mutton chops. That lead up to nothing. Yeah. I have thought about that. Just floating mutton chops. Exactly.

Just a big line of hair next to the ear and then nothing else around it. It's a solid look. What about the dude from, remember the guy from Aqua? Do you remember that band Aqua? Barbie Girl. Yeah, I remember the band. He had a beard. If you Google it, he had a beard and he was going bald.

But the beard, it was like a string beard and then it went back around his ears and he just did one line all the way round where it was still thick. That's cool. You don't remember that? Come on, Barbie. That is cool. I'm never going into a barber saying,

give me the aqua. Give me the Barbie girl, thanks. Give me the Barbie boy, actually. That new movie's coming out. I want to get into the spirit before I go along and see it. Yeah. Well, Bangkok, I've just come back from long-term or short-term listeners may know I've just come back from Thailand yet again.

When did you get back? I got back on Friday afternoon. So that's today's Tuesday. And how long were you there for? 15 days. And who were you there with? I was there with my family, my real family. So before anyone jumps in.

10 days with the family, 5 days solo. 5 days solo, and you were in Phuket for a while. I was in Phuket for 10 days. That was the big family holiday because I thought my family would like Phuket. So we went there for 10 days. Did they like Phuket? They didn't particularly love it. My daughter did.

My wife didn't because we both got food poisoning slash gastro. Damn. Quite severely. Yeah, right. It was absolutely no good at all. Can you pinpoint what it was? I would, look, I would say that the seems-to-be-reheated fish curry that we had at 2pm in the afternoon in a very dodgy-looking beach bar

would be paying about $1.05 at this point. Yeah, right. I reckon that's what it was. My rule over there is don't get fish in the afternoon because generally they catch the fish in the afternoon and then they've got it by night and then they cook it out the front. So if they're not doing that, what you're copying for lunchtime is something whacked in the old Panasonic out the back for 90 seconds.

Yeah, gotcha. And that's what we got. So that's your favorite at the moment? You didn't have a drink of water out of the bum gun at any point? No, no. Go on, I'm parched. It's thirsty work cleaning the old anus. water out of the bum gun at any point? No, no. Gone unparched. It's thirsty work cleaning the old anus.

One for you, one for me. Actually, it might have gone up so far up my arse it went into my mouth and I swallowed it and then got food poisoning off that. You've heard of post-mix, this is pre-mix. Is this the old fountain water drink? No, I believe it was that. You've heard of post-mix, this is pre-mix. Is this the old fountain water drink? No. I believe it was that

and so we were severely, I was severely sick. I was really bad and we had different meals so the idea was maybe, I thought it was food poisoning then it turned into it's probably gastro

which is probably the food prep or something like that. And you were both sick at the same time? Yeah, but she got better a lot quicker than I did. Was your daughter sick as well? She was only sick once we got home.

She had one night of sick. Right. So in Thailand, she was fine. She had a ripper. And her dad had shock and gastric. She had a fucking sterling holiday. That's sick. There was a lot of sentences that were variations of, I'm really sorry, but mummy and daddy are sick. There was a lot of sentences that were variations of,

I'm really sorry, but mummy and daddy are sick. We can't do that. There was a lot of that going on. But it was good because she spent a lot of time in the pool, and we were like, we can't really trust ourselves in that pool. You can sit in that pool by yourself. Now, how's this? There's a couple of things to touch on here.

Now, I was sick for probably five days on off. Pretty brutal for five days. My wife was sick for one day. Okay. Now, she put this down to this. I was sort of going, how come you've come good? And she's a pretty classic hypochondriac. And classic is sick for a

long time whereas i'm i'm not so much that now i'm like what how come you're okay now she goes well i i did my secret trick my trick that i always do that um i thought you would think would be too stupid so i didn't share the secret with you and i just struggled for five days until i until i dragged myself down to the chemist and got and said give me whatever you got

I went to a couple of chemists in a row because over there at the very least there are some chemists that are chemists that work in chemists and then there are some people

that just work in shops and I'm coming in there and going I'm sick and they're going do you want anything here on the shelf anything strike your fancy

have some Milo can I have some jelly beans or I'll have some milo can i see jelly beans i'll have some ritalin and some valium yeah like the first chemist i went into she's just like look like and i'm rubbing my tummy going oh sick and she's just going this one and she's just giving me whatever like i've got these packets or i'm looking and i'm going i don't know what the fuck this is and i don't know whether this is everyone over there, but the fact that this chemist had a tip jar, I'm like, I don't know if this is a real good chemist or not.

That's what you don't want to see. Imagine going to a doctor and seeing a tip jar. Seriously. You could balance your coin on one of those lemons. I walked out of that chemist and just looked at what I'd got and gone, I don't even think this is anything

and walked to a chemist like two shops down, went in there, gave me the full diagnosis. I felt a lot better because I'd paid like $2 for medicine up the road and I'm like,

I don't know what this is. This is, this could be any, this is a pack of M&Ms I reckon that's had the colour sucked off it. That's someone's job out the back to save an hour of M&M's

it's a 7-Eleven out the back heck yeah can we pour phantron or bottle and get away with this or something yeah

so I went to one down the road she went through a whole heap of symptoms blah blah blah whatever this also going in Phuket to a chemist and being like,

I can't stop shitting. Yeah. Like, this must be the pharmacist's, like, you know, absolute wheelhouse. Yes. This is what you live for. This is what you do every day. It should almost be a separate queue at the counter. Yes.

For foreigners. Yes. It should just be a clicking. It should just be like an airport. Yeah. Yeah. People returning home, foreigners an airport. Yeah. Yeah. People returning home, foreigners. You come to this one.

You've got something wrong with your ass. Come in that one. Yeah. So I did that. She gave me $100 worth of medicine, which convinced me, to be honest. It feels like, okay, well, this must be good. Yeah, this must be good. She gave me six different packets of different things

that alleviate all these symptoms and now it sounds like a crap shoot well yeah six different this one well also

they all I didn't know what any of them were but she put masking tape on every one of the bags it just said for bum for tummy

I'm like okay I guess this is the right one for bum for tummy for tum tum for little boy. Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For pee-pee. Yeah. For balls. How many of these can I take at once? Great. All this stuff. So that was my medicine.

Yep. Whereas my wife didn't take any of that stuff, and she was right as rain within a day. And I said, okay, you're going to need to tell me the secret. She said, well, I'm telling you, you're going to think it's stupid, and that's why I didn't tell you, because you'd be like, as if you'd fucking listen to me. You're gonna need to tell me the secret she said well i'm telling you you're gonna think it's stupid that's why i didn't tell you because you'd be like as if you'd fucking listen to me you're just gonna do whatever you want all the time i'm like that's very fair but what is the answer and she goes what i do is i boil coke and then drink that oh my god that's what your wife did yes as in co in Coca-Cola? Yes. Yes.

She wasn't making crack. No, no, no. Oh, no, no. It was that. And the reason she's not here at the moment is she's in the Bangkok Hilton at the moment for 20 to 30 years. But no, she wears black and blue. Where did she hear that from? I Googled it because she goes, as if you being sick and me saying the answer is boil your coke,

as if me of all people are not going to go, you're a fucking idiot. What are you talking about? So she's right as rain and I'm on the toilet shitting through the eye of a needle and going, I might just google this boil a coke idea. And I looked it up and it's like, oh, yeah, it's a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing.

Did you do it? No, because this is like, you know, I'm on the right road by then. I am on the tail end of having had gastro over the last like four or five days. This is my first kind of day I feel better. Yes. And I'm hating hearing this now. Yeah. This is like I would have given anything to have this knowledge on Friday evening.

That's so bad that you say that because I was literally going to get a can of Coke and boil it on the app and just go, has anyone got any sort of symptoms? Maybe we can just see if there's anything we can solve with this. I still feel like I'm hanging on to sort of the last of it, so I might still treat myself when I get home

just to knock off the... So you've got to drink it while it's still hot? I don't know if it needs to be hot or if you can let it cool down. You're just getting all the fizz and stuff out of it by boiling it or whatever that's doing. So that makes it flat, right? Does it make it flat if you boil it? I guess it would.

Surely it doesn't carbonate it more. Yeah. It's not like a hot soda stream. So it's flat. Yeah, right. Interesting. Just going into the 7-Eleven, just boil that for me, would you, mate? Just go through the drive-thru, get a large Coke,

just chuck that in the deep fryer, can you? Actually, yeah, on the way, I drive past a Macca's on the way home from here. I'm going to go through the drive-thru and just really give them a challenge. Yes. Just a boiled Coke, thanks. Yeah. Hot Coke, feeling a bit crook. Oh, do I need to go to the McCafe window for that?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Give some poor 14-year-old the fucking right of the word. And in Thailand, it should be ready to go. It should be an option on the menu. Yes. If it works.

They could just leave it outside. Boiled Coke. Put it on the footpath outside. Boiled Coke. You've just eaten our reheated seafood. Would you like a boiled Coke? That is good. Put that in the microwave.

I was going through. There was menus of 80 pages. How can they not fit a boiled Coke in That is good. Put that in the microwave. I was going through, there was menus of 80 pages. How can they not fit a boiled coke in an 80 page menu? There we go. That really does seem like a thing where it's like,

yeah, you go to Bali and it's like, oh, they sell boiled coke there and you know, the reason for that is that it's a common, you know, Castro.

Scotland's got the deep fried Mars bar. Yeah. Thailand's got the boiled coke. Yeah. There we go. Yeah. I'm keen to get sick again just to try this thing out i'm keen to try it i might have someone to get home just

where did your wife get onto this i i it was it's a it's a it's an old italian recipe it's a it's she got it from her family it must have been a you know the old thing is always like flat lemonade i thought if you're feeling a bit crook. Flat lemonade makes you feel a bit better. Yeah. I'd never heard of this before, but I Googled it and it's a thing that people do. Yeah, right. That's so interesting because like.

That's good to know. It's, it's, it must taste, it must be awful because you never hear of any, you know, you would think that someone would like take, like take it to make themselves better. Yeah. And then be like, hey, that's not so bad. Yeah. I'm going to start serving this to... I'm just going to start drinking this recreationally.

Hot, sweet, syrupy... The fact that you literally never hear about anyone talk about it, it must be fucking... You're just grinning and getting through it. I'm pretty keen to try it out. Yeah. Do you have any Coke here? You're saying you're on the tail end.

I'm still feeling like there's still 5% in me. So maybe I could get rid of the 5% with a... You didn't have one. No, with a steaming hot Pepsi, I might mix it up. Oh yeah, does it have to be Coke? Can I chuck a LA ice into the drink? Can you do like a Coke Zero or does it have to be? Yeah, that's true.

Old school. Good question. What about vanilla? Yeah, look, can I Old school. Good question. What about vanilla? Yeah, look, can I put a Fanta on three minutes in there on a New Geek? Does that do anything? I can't wait. Those old ads, those blind tests where they're like... Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, blind tests. Can you taste which one's a cold Coke and which one's a hot one? I can't wait to get in trouble for fucking up our kettle because I've poured two liters of Coke into it. It's all clogged. That's good to know. Medical advice on the Dumb Dumb podcast. I like it.

A friend of mine who's a doctor and has done a lot of backpacking all over the world, so has been sick lots in lots of different countries, he says the best medicine is fresh water. Yeah. He goes that's the most reliable medicine. I just smash the water. Clean drinking water is your absolute best way.

But you feel like it's just going through you. Like I had that over the weekend where I'm like, I know I've got to keep my fluids up. But like then the back end of the day is just – Yeah, that's your body flushing it out though. I know. I ended up realizing – I thought it was food poisoning. It ended up being gastro – it was going through Phuket, and I knew that.

I ended up Googling it, and it was like, yeah, there's a lot of people going to hospital at the moment. There's a lot of gastro in Phuket because I believe the change of weather, the rainy season comes in and that brings a lot of it in for whatever reason but i already suspected something was going on because i was going to the 7-eleven and going to get electric lights and it was like sold out of all the okay something's going on here so i'm smashing the electrolytes and whatever so what happened was i so i'm we're. She comes good. She comes good with it. So this is truly a miracle cure.

She's sick for a day. She has this and then she's bounced back. She is notoriously like, we'll have something for a week or two weeks and keeps going on about it and whatever. Yeah, right. She's recovered within a day for some reason. I think I rarely sort of get sick,

but this has knocked me for, I'm going on five days at this point. This is kind of a bad advertisement for coke. You that thing where it's like it can clean a tooth yeah it's like it goes into the body and even a virus is like fuck that get it away from me well so this is what happened so because all i'd been treating it with was like i'm a big fan of that just flushed i always think the more water you have the more it flushes everything out um i was getting the electrolytes i'm like all right this is doing it i get to day five i'm a fucking we go to the nicest restaurant in phuket because i'm thinking i'm i'm crook uh we've had a bit of a rough holiday with us both

been crook we'll go to this nice place and we're sitting on this beautiful sunset um situation expensive hotel feet in the pool beautiful music only a couple of us, cocktails for her, water and orange-flavored electrolytes for me. And I'm like saying, hope you enjoy it. I'm 85% in the toilet, absolutely destroying the women's toilets because the men's are broken. And so I'm like, sorry, ladies, but your one's about to be broken as well. I'm in there 85% of the time.

There's people banging on the door. I'm like, I can't do anything about it. Sorry it sorry guys i've ruined everyone's holidays at this point and then the 15 of the time i'm there like a fucking statue just sitting there going just occasionally tilting my head going enjoying this and just like having the fucking worst time of my life so so that night i come back i'd grabbed all that medicine on the way there. So I start to go, all right, I'm starting to smash that.

I'm taking pills out of the tummy bag. I'm taking pills out of the bum bag. I could murder a bit of Fort Bum right now. Yeah. All the bum tummy combos.

Yeah, yeah. So then, now I... You know how you put the bum ones you meant to put up your ass? Probably. Just to, yeah, they're just cor meant to put up your ass, probably.

Yeah, they're just corks. I can find that, yeah. So I get home. I'm starting to smash them. I get home. Now, what I've accidentally done, this is really stupid. I accidentally, the next day we were going to fly out, and I meant to buy a hotel room for the next day because we were flying out late,

so I did that sort of trick of you buy a hotel room for that day so you don't have to check out so early so you can sort of hang around during the day. Not sleep there. Leave at like 9 p.m. or whatever. Yeah, yeah. The flight at 9.45. Okay, well, we don't have to get kicked out at 11 a.m. Yep. I double booked. Instead of doing that, I had two hotel rooms on the same night.

Now, we got home and I went, you know what? Instead of just ignoring that hotel room, I've got, you know, maybe I should stay there. Maybe I should stay in the other hotel room for the night because I'm so sick. And then in the end, my wife's like, oh, look, don't worry about it. You'll have to move stuff over. It can't be that bad. You've been with me for four nights already. I've come good, whatever.

Oh, really? Yeah, no. Okay've been with me for four nights already. I've come good, whatever. Really? Yeah. Okay, so I stay in the hotel room, even though I've been getting up during the night and waking people up a bit and we've gone to the toilet and whatever. So I stay in there, and just before I go to bed,

I go, all right, well, I've had the cocktail of drugs already. All I haven't had is this one thing that they say you're not supposed to take at the same time as all the other drugs, and that is that now I've got no experience with this before some of you may have the charcoal tablet you ever done charcoal yeah yeah i think i have right i've heard of the charcoal so they said they said don't take this with the other stuff because basically what this does is

this gets rid of everything so if you've taken any other medicine the charcoal just eat that up if you've taken something half an hour before that if you've taken any other medicine, the charcoal will just eat that up. If you've taken something half an hour before that, if you've taken the bum or the tummy, boom, they're gone. Yeah. Because the charcoal's eaten those ones up. Yeah. Everything's gone.

It's a little Pac-Man. Yeah, yeah. Eaten the bum ghost and the tummy ghost. I had the exact same fucking thing in my head. Sent me a mind bullet. Did it, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. So I go right before, right before I go to bed, I go, okay, I'm going to do the charcoal tablets then. This has been two hours since I took the other one, so I take the charcoal tablets.

I wake up at 4 a.m. to a very unusual sensation. You're getting sucked off. No, I said unusual. This is Thailand. I said unusual. Ben rules now that he has hair. I look down. I have,

tick this one off the bucket list, I have shit the bed. I have literally shit the bed. You shit the bed? I've shit the bed. Weren't aware that you were doing it. Wasn't aware. Woke up like a disgusting wet dream. To shit the bed. You've shit the bed? I've shit the bed. You weren't aware that you were doing it? Wasn't aware. Woke up like a disgusting wet dream.

To a shit bed. And this is on the fifth night. Yes. Now, what I believe has happened is the charcoal has gone absolutely through me. Because at this point, I'm going to the toilet and just, you know, you've just got the squirts. You've just got water coming out. The charcoal's come through and gone. Well, I'll take care of the rest, mate.

And just taking care of everything in my body. Taking it all out. And I thought I had nothing left in me. And it disagreed. There was so much in the bed. And this is 4 a.m. Everyone else is asleep. How did your wife sleep through this?

Well, I slept through it. I wonder if she regretted the through it. Well, yeah. I wonder if she regretted the decision to... Yeah, definitely. No, no. Well, she still doesn't know anything about this. So then I've woken up. No one else has woken up.

Yeah. So then I go, all right, well, this is the secret undercover mission. I'm going to try and clean the bed so that no one finds out I've shit the bed at 4 a.m. Okay. So I sneak into the bathroom, get all the face washes or anything I can get, and I'm going back and just doing the scoop method and just trying to clean.

Hang on, you're scooping. It was that much. Hang on, how much shit was there? There was a lot there. This literally is like a wet dream. Yeah. Like you're 12 and trying to sneak the sheets into the washing. Yes.

Before your mum finds them. How big's you fucking load you got a scooper except it's a night so it's a night where you come in with a bucket

and a shovel tell me where you're going with that ladle it's a hadron collider it's man this I tell you what this charcoal thing

I'll take it again it gets rid of everything it was like fucking hell so I'm in there going and it's a nice hotel so it's one of those you know whenever you see those beds on those ads where you go look how good this bed is you can

jump up and down on one side of it and you don't feel like anything on the other yeah this should be the new ad you can scoop shit out of one side of the bed and the other half of the bed doesn't even know your partner won't be bothered yeah i thought you were gonna blame it on her like just sort of scoop the poo over her. Mate, you wanted to slip some. No. But you know why I wouldn't have got away with this? I sleep naked and she doesn't.

You could have put some on her clothes. Aren't you traveling with like a baby or a small child? Yes. If you want to blame it on someone. Oh, yeah. You get it. What, just whack the baby in the big bed? I hop in the cot.

Yes. It wasn't me. Yes. Lay her't me. Yes. Lay it down next to, yeah. What have you done? Scar of life. What's more believable? Oh, right.

So I shat the bed. Yeah, yeah. Oh, what? The man with gastro for five days shat the bed. As is. Cut me some slack. So I'm doing that in the undercover, in the cover of darkness. I've got the phone light on.

I've got the covers up. So you're dabbing it. Yes, scrubbing away. I'm scooping. Are you hearing Mission Impossible music? Yeah. And are you feeling a bit better now that all this is out of you? Absolutely.

You're regenerated. Clearly you're meant to take this in the morning and have that happen. I don't know. Taking it right before nine does seem like a strange choice. I would say the minimum is I should have worn underwear to bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The minimum is I should have done that. Or a diaper.

It's an interesting choice to still sleep naked while you've got gastro. Had you slept naked all week? Yes. That's insane. That's pretty brave. That's insane. But I've never had that happen to me before. And this charcoal is the thing that's absolutely gone through me.

So I'm going back and forth to the bathroom, doing undercover missions the whole time, and deep dabbing as much as I can in the dark. I reckon I've made seven, eight trips, come back. Wife's quite a deep sleeper. I reckon I've sort of gotten away with it. I get up in the morning. I would say that, look, it's still there.

But any maid that comes in, they've seen, this is in the bottom 25% of the worst things they've ever seen. In a hotel in Phuket, I'd say. Yeah, sure. There's a stain, but it's nothing they haven't seen twice a day before. Yeah, sure. So I think I've sort of gotten away with it. There's a stain, but it's nothing they haven't seen twice a day before. Yeah. Sure. So I think I've sort of gotten away with it. And my wife's in the bathroom and my daughter's hopped on the bed and looked at it and looked at the stain. Because whenever it goes away, I'm still sort of dabbing at it or whatever.

So wait, hang on. You've done that. You've dabbed it. You've had to wet the bed considerably. Yes. And then what have you done? You've just gone back to sleep. You've gone to sleep. Did you put a towel down over the top of it or something?

Yeah. No. You've gone to sleep in your little shit puddle. You've slept on the wet bed. Oh my God. Surely it stinks. It has the smell. No, not too bad.

No, it would have been bad, but you've just acclimatised to the smell. You're right. They say that after flight attendants, when they open every single flight, you just get used to it. They say, anytime you open the plane, they're like, what the fuck? Yeah, the long hauls. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You just, your nostrils have acclimatized. Well, maybe that's like, it's probably been put down to being a fart or something like that, because the house had been full of gastro for five days. Maybe the whole place smelled like that already. Everyone's acclimatised. There's that vibe there already. So I've gotten away with it, I think. So you sleep in the puddle.

There's no puddle. There's no puddle. There's a damp little spot there. That you're asleep in. Could have been anything. Could have been cum. Who knows? Could have been brown cum.

Look, I've done a pretty good job. Naked. I've done a pretty good job. Naked. I've done a pretty good job. Lying in your own damp little patch. Look, it's like a 10% shade at this point. Sure. It's a mere shadow of what it was at 4am. I guess in your overall life too, this isn't that shameful.

Yeah, it's fine. Like I said, it's one off the bucket list. Never done it before. Yep, yep. It's cool. It's like nighty walking in. Hair transplant, I shit the bed, you know, whatever. You get in front of it.

Yeah. Did you front foot forward, did you? No. Ah. Backfoot. It must be nice to finally have a damp patch in your bed though. It is very funny to be like, I'd better clean all this up under the cover of darkness secretly at night so my wife doesn't find out.

However, I cannot wait to get home and talk about this on a podcast. She doesn't listen. She doesn't listen. The disconnect between the two worlds. So she still doesn't know now. No. So this is what happened. So then she's in the bathroom in the morning.

Anytime she's out of the room, I'm like, you know, self-consciously sort of giving her a bit of a dab, giving her a bit of a look and going, it's down to about 8% shade I reckon. As long as I keep the doona on top of it, I don't think anyone's wise. Just work on the maid. You've got the colour swatch out.

You're just working. This is like Pantone 001. We're just working away at little bits at a time. This is like Shawshank Redemption. This is like your Shawshank Redemption. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taking little bits out.

I've got a poster of Lana Turner over the top of my shit at this point. Rita Hayworth. Rita Hayworth. Could you turn the mattress over? Sorry? Could you turn the mattress over? No? Could you turn the mattress over?

No, not, no. She's a deep sleeper, but not that deep. Like a secret bookcase. My wife wakes up, she's under the bed. She didn't wake up to him shitting the bed, so anything's possible. She's really thrown you under the bed with this one. Carl, you wouldn't believe where I woke up. What are you doing under there, Dave?

Yeah, you were tossing a turn and you must have been having a nightmare. It wasn't even the worst part. It really stunk under there as well, the bottom of the bed. I don't know what they did under there. Fuck. So she's gone into the bathroom. I've had a bit of a dab. I've had a bit of a dab. I've had a bit of a dab.

Is anyone else picturing Carl just doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely am every time. Somehow more embarrassing than the actual dance, the dab. Wait, so this is the next one. You're still dabbing. You're still doing some last minute touch up work. Yeah, yeah.

Still doing a bit of, you know, what they would do at the Louvre or whatever. Just touching up the Mona Lisa. A bit of a restoration work. Yeah, yeah. Still doing a bit of, you know, what they would do at the Louvre or whatever. Just touching up the Mona Lisa. A bit of a restoration job. Yeah, yeah. Getting a bit of... The mattress is your Mona Lisa. Yes. Did you just compare

the Mona Lisa to your shit? Sorry, it's all my shroud of Turin, to be fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shatter big old Jesus face on that mattress. Fuck, that'd be sick if you look at it. It's just Tommy's face.

Look at it. You sit next to a pig. No, it's actually the opposite. You look at it and go, this proves there is no God. Yeah. So I'm dabbing at it and my daughter jumps on the bed and she's like, Daddy, what's this? Oh, no.

And I go. Kids say the darndest things. Yeah, I kind of go. at it and my daughter jumps on the bed and she's like dad what's daddy what's this oh no and i go as a like say the darndest things yeah i kind of go i kind of go she'll kind of think this is funny and as a almost as a joke because i talk about this sort of stuff all the time there i go hey hey little blanket keep a secret you can keep a secret and i thought she'd just laugh at this. I go, Daddy did a poo in the bed. And she laughs and honestly, I reckon within the second, Mum, Mum, and I go, honestly, don't do it. Honestly, don't do it. Mum, honestly, it's just a joke, don't do it.

Mum, Daddy did a big poo in the bed. She comes in, sees it, goes, what the fuck's this? I'm like, I can't get out of it now. So I confess the whole thing. She's like, oh, my dabbing for nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, are you kidding? You did it in the bed?

How did you get rid of it? And I said, oh, and she's sort of like, oh, look, she's mortified. But she's like, I'm slightly impressed that you did it without me knowing about it. Like, it's pretty crazy that you could do it without me. I have never loved you more. No, it was nothing like that. Don't worry about that. It was nothing like that. But the thing that's happened is it's stuck in her.

It might be the biggest moment in my daughter's life. I thought it might be just a throwaway little gag. She has hung on to that like anything else. Oh, yeah. This is the biggest moment in her life so far. So because, like I said before, we did 10 nights in phuket family then they went home i did a little five day ps roadshow tour off the back of it um the way that i explained it to my daughter was daddy had to go to work so then we're doing zoom the next night two nights later on zoom uh uh

we're catching up on Zoom, and she's going, Daddy, are you at work? I'm like, yes, I'm at work. She goes, show me your work. And I, like, do the Zoom of the room, and she can see that I'm sitting on the bed. I'm sitting on the bed, and she sees the bed and goes, have you done poo in that one yet? Bullshit.

Yet. Yes. Yes. So there's been so many callbacks. I'm like, I respect the fucking She's discovered callbacks At the age of four This is gonna be

This is like Oh yeah Kids love that shit And they just Like my son's got Shit that he Hangs onto forever Yeah

Yeah like I'm apparently Dad eats all the magnums Out of the freezer That's my thing And he just Like it happened once Two years ago Fucking all the time He walked out Dad eats all the magnums out of the freezer. That's my thing. And he just, like it happened once two years ago. Now it's fucking all the time.

He walks out. Dad eats all the magnums out of the freezer. Yeah, yeah. No, it's like when I got back, it's like, you know, because she's had such a short life, it's like we get back. Within a day she goes, Daddy, yeah, remember the time you did poo in the bed? It's like it was four days ago.

I remember it. This will be like your yardstick for when she's growing up. This is like your little joke. And then one day you'll be like, I remember when Daddy pooed the bed pretty funny. And she'll be like, Dad, I'm 12. I don't find that kind of stuff funny. You'll have a little tear coming down your eye like,

oh, my baby girl's growing up. She's too cool to joke about her old man shitting the bed. That little bit of the 18th birthday party, instead of like, here's an embarrassing photo of you. Hey, yeah. She's too cool to joke about her old man shitting the bed. But that's what it'll be at the 18th birthday party instead of like, here's an embarrassing photo of you. Hey, everyone, remember the time when daddy did a poo in the bed?

You're just playing this podcast. Yeah, good stuff, right girls? I was thinking it's more like you're too young to go drink and she's like 16. You go, fuck off, you shit the bed. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She will use it against you. Oh, well, she's never fucking shut up about it yet it's pretty good it is good um have you is there anything more to because i have a quick thailand poo story well i was throwing the only other thing i was gonna say off the back of that that was i say five days so that cleared me out i i took it uh that was the yeah i i took that as the i think i'm all good now and yeah i had a couple of false dawns before that but that really felt like that got rid of everything if there was any bugs any bacteria any sort of microbes in my gut that

i looked at that bed and i said that's the lot i don't know that's got rid of everything good everything bad there's stuff in there i haven't don't know. That's got rid of everything good, everything bad. There's stuff in there I haven't seen for six years. That's got rid of fucking bone marrow. Everything's gone. That's better than hot coke. Everything's gone. So then we went to a... God, imagine a boiled coke and

a charcoal tablet. Together. Cocktail. Fucking hell. Jesus. Just shat out my spleen and my liver. Whole skeleton just in the bed. Yeah. I got way too cocky because I felt like a new man. There was nothing in my body at all.

Oh, when you come back and you just sort of get to that point where you're kind of hungry again, but you can't keep food down and you're just fantasizing. Fuck, you go way too hard too early. Well, that was it. That was me. Way too hard. Carbonara, thanks. Way too hard, way too early.

We got to the... Chili con carne. Well, you're reading ahead. So what happened was we got to basically the Chadston shopping mall of Phuket. We got to the big one. And I've had my little false dawn on right as rain. I'm like, oh my God, I've never felt better in my life because I've sort of had an enema. Yeah. I've had a little false dawn on right as rain. I'm like, oh, my God, I've never felt better in my life because I've sort of had an enema.

I've had a detox. There's nothing. It was literally the best I felt in 20 years. I felt like a baby boy again. There's nothing in my body. And you've worked up a hunger with all that dabbing. Yes. I've done a hard day's night.

Yeah. I deserve something. I deserve a treat. And I've been shitting like a dog. So we go to the big shopping center. I should be sleeping like a log, not with a log. Yeah. Have you ever done this thing?

I've probably talked about this before. I used to have this as a kid. When you wake up and you're so thirsty in the middle of the night and you get so thirsty that for half an hour you're thinking, I could drink everything in the fridge. I could have a milk. I could have a water. I could have a milk, I could have a water, I could have a Coke, I could have a juice. And then I'd get up and sometimes I'd have all of them at once

and go, fuck, that was a terrible idea. In my head, great idea, but I poured them all out first, then drank them and went, terrible cocktail, shouldn't have done that. So I got super cocky. We went to a food court. My wife had her first Thai meal for five days or whatever. She'd been treating it really cautiously.

I ordered a Penang chicken, a mac and cheese, and a chicken quesadilla. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. Had them all at once. The quesadilla. Well, you deserve everything that's coming your way. Yeah. Just thought, I'm invincible now.

Got any of those tablets left? And then had another tablet. Had a charcoal tablet. And why? Because I thought it had done me so good. And they said you should have them regularly. They gave me a whole packet full of them. Right.

So then I went. Like antibiotics. You've got to finish the whole packet. Yeah. So then I had that. But then I had... Like antibiotics, you've got to finish the whole package. Yeah. So then I had that. But then I had all that food, but then I washed it down with my first Thai milk tea of the week. So hang on, let's refresh this again. Yes.

Penang curry, mac and cheese, chicken quesadilla. Yes. Then a Thai milk tea to wash down the charcoal tablet. I got about an hour in and went, I feel the opposite of what I felt an hour ago. I felt so bad. And then I looked up the charcoal tablet because I'm like, at this point, I just took the charcoal tablet and went, that fixes something. I started looking up what it actually does. And the first line of the first thing I looked up said, first rule, don't take it with milk.

Okay, well, that's exactly what I've done. So I've just put myself back on my ass for the rest of the full day. Didn't shit the bed or anything like that, but just went from feeling the best I've felt, honestly, like I've had a fucking soul transfer, into just moping around a shopping mall for an entire day, just going, fuck me. I've put myself back in the trenches

for fucking 12 hours. Terrible idea. That's a fun five days though for you. What a rollercoaster. I love that you're sick with your family for all that time and then they leave and you go to Koh Samui cherry ripe.

I know. Party starts. It was absolutely like that. It was so like that It was so like that We better wrap it up Sweet For another week here On the Little Dumb Dumb Club

Thank you for joining us Nighty and Lemo Things to plug Carl's arsehole Yeah We've already done your hair Damn it God

Yeah see if it See if it works out And then maybe we can edit in a plug for the transplant. Yeah, I'll just go to my Instagram, BigRedBedKnight. Nice. Oh, everything's on there. Cool. There you go.

Utopia, ABC, 8 p.m. Wednesday night. Right. Or catch it. You can see the first four seasons on Netflix, or catch it up on ABC Ivy. Sick. Sweet. Thank you, everyone, for joining us. We'll see you next time

see you mates and they've done it again oh Bernie shit a big one yep um good stuff

we're recording straight after that episode where um we've had three weeks off or so two

have we two weeks off something like that whilst I've been on holiday we've um we've banked some eps and uh yeah weeks off or so. Two. Have we? Two weeks off? Something like that. Whilst I've been on holiday, we've banked some eps and yeah, we're back in the trenches now. That's it. Back to back. Time to get banked again.

Yes. You've got a holiday coming up, so we've got to do about six episodes in four weeks or something like that? Yeah. Yeah. We've gone away for two weeks. Well, lucky I've got heaps of stuff that happened in Thailand for the next six episodes. Not really.

I got rid of all of it then because I was sick. Much like an overnight charcoal tablet. Yes. You got rid of all of it. It's all gone. It's all gone. That last episode was my bed. Mm-hmm.

So I'll have a think. I'll have a think. I'll have a think. Life always finds a way. Yes. God intervenes. Yes. Yes. God intervenes. Yes. Yeah, I'm sure once I get going, next episode,

it'll be like sitting on the toilet over there. It'll just all come out whether I like it or not. What's it like doing solid ones? Yeah. I'm still not there yet. Aren't you? Yeah, I'd love to get through this quickly and go have a bit of a lie down honestly yeah it was um you know you're like like you talked about you have that i feel like you have your waves where you decide that you have your day where you're gonna get better like you go

to bed and you're like enough of this yep i'm getting up tomorrow it's gonna be all better completely agree and then it's not and then you you have your one where you kind of start feeling a bit better yeah so you maybe push it a little bit and then i think i'm now i'm just in this twilight where i think i'm just going to feel like this for another yeah two three days like it's not really impacting my day but also what i'm dealing with now is three days of not eating anything all fluids gone yeah i just feel fucked because i'm just still trying to rebuild the dehydration and everything. Have a couple of false dawns.

I had a false dawn where I sort of went, right, I'll try this to eat and then went wrong. No, shouldn't have done that. Yeah, I had a day where I got up and I was like, okay, I've got to eat because I'd gone. I got sick Thursday night. All Friday I didn't eat anything. Saturday I got up and I was like, I've got to eat because I'd gone I got sick Thursday night all Friday I didn't eat anything Saturday I got up and I was like I've got to have something I've just got to put like something in my belly so I went to the supermarket I was just going to get like a little bread roll or something and it was that thing where you're like people say don't go to the supermarket when you're hungry

because I went in just thinking I'll get like some crackers and stuff to just kind of nibble on during the day and then I walk past the sandwiches and I start thinking, well, let's say the crackers work out. Then I'll be able to have like a sandwich for lunch. So I get a sandwich and then I walk past like the pre-made pastas and I'm like, well, let's say the sandwich goes down a treat. I'll probably be able to have like a ravioli bolognese for dinner. So all of a sudden I'm just piling up all these meals.

Got home, had half a croissant and went, yeah, that'll do. I'm not eating again for the rest of the day. Yeah. And then didn't touch anything for two days. Man, I'm in Thailand for two weeks and that hits me before the middle of it. And then the rest of the trip is sort of me going, eating Thai food would be bad. A risk? This sounds like a – I don't even feel like doing it yeah i'm like oh

my god i can't believe i'm over here and staying away from it i'm like toasted sandwich tonight okay yeah i like how it's weird what's funny is i got sick like as you got back it's almost like i caught it off you when you got back into the country even though we didn't even though i hadn't seen you yeah yeah it's uh this has been one of the fucking worst I've ever felt in the last three days. It's been fucking awful. Really just. I'm glad you're here. Hopefully I get it again.

Yeah, that'd be good. We just keep sharing it back and forth for the rest of eternity. Can you do that? I hope not. No, I don't think so. I think I'm beyond being able to pass it on. Good. Like I'm, yeah, I'm not shitting liquid anymore.

Right. Like I've had a couple of meals. They've gone down all right. I'm just, yeah, I just got to get my fluids back up, I think. I did horrify my wife a little by, once I hit Bangkok, I did say, yeah, I've had a really, couple of really great street food meals. And she's like, you are fucking insane. You are crazy.

Well, speaking of being crazy, why don't we plug the street food of entertainment. Bonus Patreon content over the Little Dum Dum Club. We did a couple of episodes over the phone. We did. One year in Bangkok, one of them's out. Now one of them will be out in a couple of days. Yes.

Which you can hear if you get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. And there are a couple of high-budget episodes. Yeah. Because I had my phone on roaming and I had a little deal going

with my provider and it well and truly usurped that. Did it really? And by the end of the day, it was like, you are gone with all that bullshit, son. Nice. And I was having to very carefully modify my usage of Wi-Fi and, yeah, I'm anticipating not a pretty bill off the back of it.

Okay, damn. So I should have... We started recording it while I was using some free McDonald's Wi-Fi, but I got bored in there and went for a walk and I should not. Right. I should have just kept the fillet of fishes coming. Well then, guys, you know, let that be your motivation to get on the Patreon. Yes.

And give us more money to cover that hefty phone bill. Yes. Make those episodes worthwhile. Yeah, you get two bonus mini episodes a week, often with guests that have been on the show that you've just heard that week. And more importantly, you go into the drawer to get your name read out at the end of an episode of Little Dundum Club, which may be about to happen right now. Big chance.

Thank you to everyone that subscribes, has subscribed. Always a great chance, as I see. You see some names that might come up and then you go oh they don't subscribe anymore and so they don't get read out anymore but there's plenty of those people where you know just um you can always resubscribe hang in there or you can resubscribe you can do all those things um appreciate if you subscribe for a few months but you can always do it for a bit longer. Yeah. Get back on the horse. Get back on the horse.

Treat it like our gastro and resubscribe like it's solid food again. Yeah, exactly. Your time off the Patreon was like you squirting into the toilet for five days straight and then get a big solid episode in you. Exactly. Solid bonus episode in you. Beautifully said. Thank you so much. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, first cab off the rank this week.

Thank you to James Brooks. James Brooks. Yes. B-R-O-O-K-E-S, James Brooks. Okay. Yep. As of one of the Brooks Brothers If he has a brother He'd be one of them

What are the Brooks Brothers again? Is that a clothing I have no idea I've never heard of it before You've never heard of the Brooks Brothers? No I'm looking it up right now Brooks Brothers

Is a company of Yeah clothing Okay Brooks Brothers is the original authority On American style Offering stylish modern clothing Of, yeah, clothing. Okay. Brooks Brothers is the original authority on American style, offering stylish modern clothing and fresh takes on heritage designs for men, women, and kids. Okay. Yeah.

Nice. If this is one of those people, I do find it funny that they, it is a company that says, oh, he's the men's clothes and he's the women's clothes. Oh, yeah. Brooks Brothers. The women's clothes oh yeah Brooks Brothers the women's line I don't know

it seems like something you think men can't design clothes for women well yes okay yeah

if I was if I was a woman I would be like fuck the patriarchy where's the Brooks sisters yeah yeah I'm not buying them from a bunch of brothers

they're gonna have boogers on the clothing yeah yeah they should have that would be a good angle if they had a second store called the brooks sisters and it's just like the i don't know do they have um do you see the brooks brothers in any of the promotional materials for the store the actual like are they in the logo or anything yeah no if it was just them in a dress and with like bunny style across Tootsie style. Across the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's the book sisters.

Yeah. Oh, hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We designed these nice dresses for you and us. Yes. Yes. Just Mrs. Doubtfire style. Yeah.

Putting out fires on their boobs. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. That would be an interesting way of selling a product, maybe an insurance job. Let's see if we can not sell one single garment of our new women's lines by pretending that we're women in the logo. I'm putting on a stupid voice.

Oh, look at how fantastic dresses we're wearing. Did you buy any clothes in Bangkok? I bought a jacket in the basement of the MBK building. Okay. That we did talk about on a bonus episode, how there's like a shopping mall that's basically all... Oh, it's all fake? All fake. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's fake electronics, it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fake electronics. It's fake... Yeah, everything in there. Yep. And we did a good riff about fake KFC. That's right. Fake fast food and things like that.

So I did buy a fake down there. There's a... I think I paid about $15 for a new jacket. Okay. Pretty good. Any brand or just you like the look of it? Just like the look of it. Okay.

Yeah, pretty plain looking, nice little sort of lightish jacket. Bought some new Nike sneakers that I trudged across Bangkok for because every store didn't have my size. And then I realized at the end of going to three different stores because i was just going oh my size is this and then they said no we've only got a size completely different and i tried that size on and it was my size okay so i don't know why that was yep but my my sneakers said size 11 and a half and when i put their 10 and a half on they were exactly the same size okay so i don't know what that is something crazy going on yeah so i bought some sneakers bought them

bought did i talk about this i basically just i did i think i did talk about this on the bonus but whatever i didn't have any luggage on the way back like booked in any any check-in luggage yep so i brought the minimum of clothing that i could bring and then as i was like living along i was just throwing out clothing so i wouldn't have anything to bring back oh okay so i could lighten the luggage i just brought like a bunch of shitty clothes that was just on the way out and And as I was wearing them, it was like straight in the bin. Yep. And then that final day, I walked around and... Oh, yeah, we didn't talk about this. Okay. So, on the final day of the Bangkok trip, I checked out of the hotel at 11am.

I was due to fly it at 9.45. Yep. And we talked about this on the bonus episode. So I was like, okay, it's a bit of a long day. I've got nowhere to be. I just walk around Bangkok all day. As soon as we got off the phone from doing the bonus episode, I said to you, as soon as we stopped recording, I go, fuck me.

I just got a text from Jetstar saying delayed flight. I'm now flying at 1.45 a.m. So then that was me walking around in bangkok looking for things to do for you know 13 hours or something like that so just i was i had some very sore feet by the end of it like it was by the end of it i bought new sneakers because i was like my feet are so sore yeah right and my honestly my i swear my shoes weren't that bad, but by the end of that day, my shoes looked like a cartoon homeless person's shoes. Yeah. They look so...

Yeah, they were straight in the bin. Yeah, great, great. I bought new sneakers, put them straight in the bin. I looked down at them as I was trying on new shoes, and I could see the salesperson looking at my shoes going, this is the easiest sell of all time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could put on... I could give you a couple of crumpets, and you'd say, yes, I'll put them on my feet at this point yeah you've got the worst shoes i've ever

seen right so uh got myself a new pair of sneakers but uh i think i think i think maybe that was it okay maybe that was it a couple of necessities yeah but you didn't see any fake uh brooks brothers over there no so bro Brooks Brothers is the brand. It's not just a department store. It's like they make the stuff. It's the brand. Okay, cool. Yeah.

That would be good. You could go and you could be the first person to sell fake Brooks Brothers. Oh, yeah. In Thailand. Yeah. Bootleg Brooks Brothers. Get in the MBK building and just below the electronics. Man, you've got to go and see these electronics.

That would appeal to someone, surely. Hey, honey, they've got Brooks Brothers here. We've got Brooks Cousins? Yeah. It sounds like it's already a pretty discount store in the States anyway. Right? So, like, it doesn't sound like high end. No.

Look, I'll put it this way. They've got a cursive logo. Oh, okay. Yeah, maybe it is fancy. Yeah. Well, look, I'll show you the – it's on the higher end of things. Okay. I was reading it as like a – is it Old Navy?

Yeah. Old Navy is the brand that's like – and, you know, like American Apparel. Look at that website. Do you think that looks low to you? Yeah, okay. Well, that is – that's deserving of a knockoff. It's pretty preppy. Yeah, that's deserving of a tie knockoff.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I had a completely different read on what Brooks Brothers is. The whole opening video on the website looks like they're filming it at some sort of high-end university. I mean, that's another era as well, isn't it? Like you open the webpage and the first thing that happens is like a full-screen movie starts playing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just automatic. Yeah. Free shipping on orders over $100 and free 30-day returns policy. That's not bad. Do you do much returning of clothes?

Are you a person that returns shit once you've ordered online? Can you be fuck-up back to the post office? Once or twice I've, like, fucked up with the sizing and sent it back. Right. Maybe, like, once I've just gotten it And just not liked it And sent it back Right But yeah I'm not I'm really not

I'm not buying things thinking Yeah I'll just send it back You know what I mean Like I'm not I'm pretty set that I'm like No this is something I really want My wife don't say her name She does that a lot

Some people do treat it like Some people treat their house now Like the change room Yeah Basically because it's like Oh no harm done Yeah You get it

You pop it on Doesn't suit you You send it back yeah yeah i'm i can't go to a shop yeah what are you doing that for yeah i don't know it's hard it's hard it is it you're right it's it's the fucking around like yeah i've done it like i said i've there's been maybe two things where they just literally haven't fit me where i've emailed and gone like and i think both of those were places that were like we don't do returns and i emailed and i was like hey i know but i really fucked up and they're like yeah okay right we'll take them back right yeah well if you got a lifestyle like me or you it's like okay you can find time to go to the post office but like my wife's like yes i've got this completely wrong and's like, oh, I've got time to go to the post office in two weeks' time. Yeah.

Okay. I really don't understand how the post office is still able to close at 5 p.m. sharp, never open on weekends. Yeah. And every time I'm in there, I just think, how do normal people do this? Yes. Like, how do people with regular jobs ever send or receive anything? Is this a thing? I read a thing a while back.

I don't know if they've actually done this or not yet, but there was a concept or plan that the post office were going to introduce changing rooms so that you could get your clothes in the mail, strip off at the post office, try it on, then go, this doesn't fit, whack it straight back in the post pack, and back to Brooks Brothers. That doesn't, that's not the worst thing I've ever heard. That's such a funny thing to go. That actually may, because I mean, if they, they would know, if it's like most of the

people going through there are just, you know, they would know, oh, this is happening all the time. Here's the plan. The Tats Lotto, the lottery bit, it's here. The fucking greeting cards are here. Yep yep and the change rooms are here the change rooms for the post office yeah well and they also do sell a lot of like they sell fucking weird eye masks and like yeah they sell all that sort of weird shit in there as well yeah there'll be like a juicer and then like well it's a good chance tray for eating off in bed yeah there's there's a good chance to make more post office merch now

because they've got the change rooms there. Yeah. So they should start their own, you know, the Letters Brothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The posties. Yeah, yeah. If you've ever wanted to look like a postie. That's not bad at all.

Yeah. Yeah. I did used to have an Australian post shirt that I would walk around like in the, as you'll want to do in the mid to late 90s. Oh, yeah. Very cool sort of imagine wearing the work clothes of some fucking shit shop. Imagine being this person. Yeah.

Imagine. I played a postie in an ad. Oh, you did too. For Australia Post. Yeah. Well, thanks, James Brooks. Thanks, James Brooks and your brother the um the co-creators of the of the famous line of clothes that we'd never heard of until two seconds

ago yep uh appreciate uh your work and and unlike your clothing we are not returning your money it fits us just fine yeah yeah yeah thank you um thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sarah Clisby. Clisby. Sarah. I'm not mispronouncing that, hopefully, because it's spelled S-E-R-R-A. Sarah. Sarah. Sarah Clisby.

C-L-I-S-B-Y. Clisby. Yeah. Sarah Clisby. Two names I've never seen before in my life. Yeah. Never seen a Sarah? No.

Never seen a Clisby. Tough to know what to do with this one. Yes. Yeah. Well, I mean. We're not San Sarah, that's for sure. We're not. Yes, we are plus Sarah.

Yeah. Yeah. Clisby. Yes, we are plus Sarah. What makes a person say, yeah, Sarah. Call themselves this. What makes a bunch of parents say, you know what, let's call this one a Sarah. You know what? Another clothing brand.

I've just looked, first I've looked up Sarah. Sarah is a nice clothing brand as well. Okay. We're only being sponsored this week by clothing brand related people. I can't wait for Johnny Uniqlo up next. No, don't read ahead too fast.

And maybe, what other funny ones? No, let's keep something up our sleeve. I'm just going to name them all to really back you into a corner. What is your favourite

clothing brand? Who would be the dream to pop up in the next however many names we read out? No, I don't really have any more. I don't really care. Who's doing the Liverpool stuff?

Oh, Nike. They're just doing it in-house. It's Nike. So Nike. You're a Nike guy. You're a pretty brand loyal Nike. I am now. Yeah.

I didn't... I only ever see you wear Nike shoes. Yeah. You get a lot I only ever see you wear Nike shoes. Yeah. You get a lot of Nike jackets and stuff. I reckon I never wore Nike until about 10 years ago. Okay. I never, never worn it. And then all of a sudden, that's all I'm wearing.

So, yeah, I am... Ever since I went to Thailand and I thought, I better support all the young boys and girls in those factories over there. Yep. Give a little back. Yep. Tell you what, that's the one fake thing. That'd be good if your favorite brand was just based on who does the best fakes over in a third world country.

Man, that's... When we're here, it's Adidas. But over there, oh, it's Nike. Man, the thing that blows me away, here's the tip of Thailand. There's always some form of a new thing you learn over there. I learned this a long time ago. But you over there going oh what a bargain you can come back with all this shopping and whatever it is i'll tell you one thing you can't get around fake shoes it's not happening yeah i think we talked about this on the bonus yeah you need your shoes you think about

what they're doing yes they're like they're fucking you forget it but they're doing a lot of work whatever they're carrying your weight and they're exposed to the elements nonstop. And whatever, you know, stuff that the new sneakers say, whenever they're saying, oh, it's got this thing in it and it's got this thing in it, it's got this thing in it, the fakes have none of that. All they're trying to do is replicate the shell of it. They're not trying to replicate any of the bounce any of the

foot support no it's just pure aesthetics the shell yeah that's all it is and so do not buy fake runners over there yeah i did it once they felt like fucking shit and they lasted about two weeks yep adam knox used to be one for just getting the shoes from kmart and you'd be at the pub with him and they literally would be falling apart and he'd be like i'll be right back he'd just duck over the road to kmart oh wow get a fresh pair and come back and we'd be like brother you just spend a little bit more on a pair of shoes and you'll have them for yeah infinitely longer than a pair of kmart those like 20 shit little ones it's like they are they are for like elderly people who are like shuffling around the living room and that's that.

If you're walking around the city, you really need to spend, you need to spend some money on some shoes that are going to last you. And also they're for people that are that old that they're beyond giving a fuck what things look like. Yeah, totally. You should still care. But yeah, I do love that move of just like ah fuck just feeling like uh boys i'm feeling concrete i'll be right back yeah just coming back with

the exact same pair of shoes but just now they're new uh-oh i flintstoned it everyone i'm fredding i'm out of here i'm fredding it yeah that is that now that is the one thing that you know when i'm in thailand you're calculating what everything costs and, you know, what it would cost at home and stuff like that. And it's like, you know, I want to live over there on the bar. I want to live on the way that, you know, everyone else is living over there, what things cost, whatever. The one thing I don't, you can't do is the shoes.

So I'll go shopping for shoes over there and you've got to give it up and you do the translation back and you go, surely I'm saving i'm saving some money no you're not it's the exact same price that is always good when you like the first day you're in somewhere new and you're like unless you know if there's a little bit of maths to do with the conversion um with the currency you're like you're really living in that mindset of like okay so that's that's 15 yeah okay and then after a couple of days you're a bit more across it and you just do give yourself over you're just not thinking about the conversion you're like yeah i know what you know what i mean like i know what that's worth

i know what 100 of this is worth yeah you just truly are living in their currency god's a good feeling we did talk about this on the bonus but like i i'm a big cash man when i can be and over there i just bring cash over don't i i don't big cash man when i can be and over there i just bring cash over don't i i don't have a cash card i don't have one of those international cards or anything like that and it was running the gauntlet so the the final day of my trip in thailand was just you know like a fucking reality show this is how much money you've got you've got all day in bangkok you've got 13 hours of walking around yep this is how much money you've got you've got all day in bangkok you've got 13 hours of walking around yep this is how much money you've got yep can you make it work yep you got to get meals and you got to get

yourself to the airport yep yep yep and and um and there's the chance of you know getting something um you haven't bought yourself any clothes or anything like that chance of getting that there's several comedians that have given me a list of drugs they ideally want me to get yep uh started looking at the prices then going well they can fucking do without to start with that is too expensive yep and just yeah just just got it done at the end of the day when i think i brought home i think it was like ten dollars, $9 or $10. So I nailed it. Great. Yeah.

Usually I come home with like a couple hundred bucks or something. That is like you would be on the podium thinking you've won the show. Yeah. And then there's like a guy that, you know, gets in and he's like got 30 cents left. This actually is a good show. Does this exist? Yeah. It's like a day in this city, this much money.

You've got to get in and out. You've got get x you know you can't just not eat you've got to have these meals all this kind of stuff and whoever gets closest to whoever gets closest to the zero close to the zero but i reckon it's also judge there's judges as well because you can't just go okay well i'm gonna sit in the library and eat nothing all day. No, absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, yeah, it's – You've got to have fun. You've got like a brief – you've got like a sort of a shopping list.

Oh, yeah. Like so you've got to get yourself a souvenir. You've got to have three proper meals and they give you – you've got to have some kind of guidelines of like, yeah, you can't just be eating. It's got to be a proper meal. Yeah. And then, yeah, there is is it is verified like by a

panel of judges go you've had a good day you haven't just fucking locked yourself in a room done nothing and gone cool i didn't spend any money you gotta you can't waste bangkok or you can't waste whatever city you're going to yeah but you've got so you've got your money and you can't if you come back and you're like oh i've got 50 to $50 to spare. That's bad. Yeah. You've got to get as close to zero as possible. Yes. So you're trying to actually spend a bit while still rationing. Like you've got that balancing act. Yeah.

Because, yeah, otherwise if you just get the cheapest stuff, it's like you are going to lose. This would be a great watch. I will talk about this a bit more next week because there was, you know, there was a version of this happening on the final day. There was a version of this happening where I got quite close. But yeah, it was a bit of a thrill to go, how close am I going to get? This is dangerous.

I feel alive. Yeah. Well, we did it. We somehow got a riff off of the name Sarah Clisby. Yes. I mean, it had very little to do with the word Sarah Clisby at all. I mean, how do we get from there? We found it's a clothing brand, and then I was asking you what clothing brands you like,

and it went from there. The rest is history. I guess that. The rest is podcasting history. I mean, I was going to try and go down to Sierra Leone, but two things. Sarah isn't Sierra, and also Sierra Leone, I still don't know what that is anyway. Yep.

No, we made the right choice. Okay. We had a good time. Yeah. All right. I like to try and personalize it a little bit, but I mean, Sarah Clisby, what would you have gone with there? Yeah, let us know.

Yeah. I mean, there's nothing even close to being something we can – I mean, maybe some genius could do something with it, but we're mortal men here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. We gave you a small tale. We're mortal men of ill health.

Yes. Let's not forget that as well. Yes. Well, look, I'm probably on the eight and a half to nine at the moment. Okay. You're probably six or seven. I reckon i'm six yeah right but six is like six is fucking good for me from the last few days i was last night i

was out going i'm all good and then i went to the toilet and i was like yeah this is still going through me to some degree like not not not bad not super bad or anything, but the feeling I had through my guts and just everything, I wasn't in trouble, but I could just taste and feel the same as I tasted and felt a week ago. Yeah, okay. It's like the remnants are still there. I'll tell you what I did do. I'm sure charcoal tablet, to be honest.

I'll tell you what I did do while I was just, because I was just in bed for the whole, which even when I'm sick, I'm never really a one for like, I just get bored, but I was just because I was like just in bed for the whole which even when I'm sick I'm I'm never really a one for like I just get bored like but I was just out um I watched pretty much all of Mr. Inbetween I don't watch the first season and I finally was like I was like oh what can I put on I'm like well this is one I'm my girlfriend's out on I'll just finally knock off all of this yeah yeah fucking great great show not one I'd recommend just mainlining in the space of two days right but um the whole thing all three seasons i'd watched season one which is like six eps so i did all of two and three oh great really good great final ep great final scene weirdly i'm only halfway through the final ep oh yeah well you got

something nice to look for i know maybe i'll go knock that off when I get home. I just remembered as I was saying it, I started and then my girlfriend came in and we were talking about something and then I just, yeah, got distracted. Let me know. Give me a message about the final scene. What do you think?

Okay. I was a big fan of it. I like, yeah, I like where that final season kind of went. I liked all the stuff he was doing. I thought it, you know, it's a big call to get out after three when people are loving it. and kind of went. I liked all the stuff he was doing. I thought it, you know, it's a big call to get out after three when people are loving it. That almost never happens

that people call it so early. Yeah. Good move by him. Well, thanks, Sarah Clisby, for getting out, for not getting out, and for staying a Patreon subscriber until this point

where we said your name and then said a bunch of stuff that was so loosely connected to it. Yeah. Thanks, Mrs. Cliz Between. That's about as close as we're going to get. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Lachlan Hanrahan. Okay.

You learn something new every day about surnames on this show. Never knew it was possible to have a name like that. Hanrahan. Hanrahan. H-A-N-R-A-H-A-N. Hanrahan. Is this a clothing company as well? Let's look that up. Hanrahan. Google Hanrahan clothing. If there is, I'm going to lose my fucking mind. Well, there is something called the... There's a pro bowler's... It's not looking good.

Well, put it this way. No, no. No. I don't think you can do it. You really want this to be real, but I can just see it on your face. This is such a long bow. Yeah, okay. It's a pro 10-pin bowling website, clothing website, and there is a T-shirt called the Packy Hanrahan T-shirt

named after a pro bowler called Packy Hanrahan. It's not quite. Yeah, but still. It's something. It's something. It's in the ballpark. It's not quite... Yeah, but still... It's something. It's something. It's in the ballpark. It's in the game, technically. It is nowhere near the prestige of the previous two brands.

No. It is just... It's the complete opposite, shall I say, because what it is is Paki Hanrahan, written on a shirt, with Pac-Man eating a couple of 10-pin bowling pins. That I don't mind. That's it. That I don't mind at all.

Some of the, one of the worst shirts I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, give us a look. There you go. Just the opposite of the Brooks Brothers. Okay, that is bad. Yeah. You describing it sounded so much better than what it actually is. Yeah, it's terrible.

Paki. And you can just buy that? You can buy that for $25 American. Terrible. Absolutely terrible. You know you sometimes stumble across those things where you just imagine yourself buying it and then the person at whatever, at the other end, being like, fucking hell. Yeah.

Haven't sold one of these in a while. I know. I saw that. I saw a stand-up comedian, a very open mic stand-up comedian in Australia put something up the other day where it was like, I've put my jokes on a t-shirt and you can buy them now. And then I looked at the jokes on the t-shirt and went, I wouldn't say that shit out loud, let alone print it on a shirt.

That's pretty cool. Fucking hell. I don't know who this is now. It was, and by jokes, you would really look at them and go are they okay i don't reckon anyone's laughed at them out loud that's not even okay it's not even the cadence of a joke i think that it's just like just just something a sentence you thought of that's all it is yep yeah i'll show you what it is later okay yeah um So that's three in a row. Clothing firms.

Yeah. Sort of. Clothing firms. Definitely, well, fashionistas, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That have been subscribing to us. Well, we're fashionable guys. Yeah, sure.

No wonder why the great clothing brands are flocking to this podcast. Or the opposite. Or they're saying, fuck, you boys need some help. Oh, okay. Yeah, it could be the other way around. Oh, right. So they might not have sent us money. They might have just sent us a couple of shirts and jackets and stuff.

Yeah, that would be good. Kind of clean up how we look. That would be good to be sponsored by a clothing firm. I mean, I think we're severely undersponsored by things considering we're quite a listen-to podcast and we've done very well over the years and all that sort of stuff. I've always gotten the impression that what tends to happen is that people take one listen to the content

and think we don't want our brand associated with this, which is frustrating but also very, very hard to argue with. It's hard, yeah. What do you mean you don't want your burgers associated with us talking about drinking cum in the first three minutes of the episode? Yeah, if you did a little, if you were going to be, you know, critical about our show, the normal episode we just did, if you did your worst for the synopsis, it's not good rating, is it? it's not good rating, is it? That is, we are at a point where our actual episodes are pretty close to what the AI would come up with

as an episode description. Carl goes to Thailand and he shit himself. That is what ChatGPT would spit out with the most minimal prompt. We are a parody of ourselves, but who like, he doesn't like a good parody. Yeah, exactly. You know? Yeah.

It's just like Weird Al parodying himself. As if the Mad Magazine boys weren't ever tempted to have one where it's like, what if we just did us for an issue? I'm sure they did. And the crazy things that we come up with. Yeah. Making fun of someone that makes fun of someone. Yeah.

That's all right. That's pretty funny. That's avant-garde. You can say that that sounds bad, but in reality it's a fun of someone. Yeah. That's all right. That's pretty funny. That's avant-garde. You can say that that sounds bad, but in reality it's a bit of fun. Yeah. That's very like meta-textual and interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

It's – you don't want anyone reinventing the wheel too much. You know, a band that you love and they come out and all of a sudden they've gone from death metal to new wave. It's like, this sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They drop fans. Hey, the wheel's the wheel. We're just, there's only four chords or whatever it is.

Yeah, exactly. We're just using those in slightly different order. Yep. Maybe not even that. Yeah. And sure, maybe the estate of Marvin Gaye is coming up from time to time and saying that we've ripped them off. But hey, all comedy is like that.

All comedy is bad. When you really think about it, all comedy is bad and lowbrow. And maybe we could say back to that estate, a little bit homophobic of a name, you know, in my opinion. How about you turn your focus back on yourself? And we're saying if we lose this trial, we'll quit. And everyone's like, oh, I hope they lose. Oh, yes.

Thanks, Lachlan Hanrahan. Thanks, Hanrahan. Yep. Thanks, Hanrahan. And thanks for your beautiful shirt. If you can send it as a copy of Pac-Man eating some pins. Paccy. Old Paccy.

Yep. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. I'll tell you what. Old Packy. Yep. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber... I'll tell you what, if there's a clothing line named after this... All right. I will be very surprised, but delighted. Yep. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matt Van Wees. Van Wees.

Well, there's Vans. Oh, yeah? Is there any Wee related clothing? Is it just W-E-E? W-E-E-S. The multiple of Wee. Van Wees. Okay.

He's gone Wees on our attempt to tie this back to clothing. But look, maybe Vans. Yeah, maybe. That's close enough. I think that's still in the ballpark. Yeah. Maybe if we do a very, very uncomplicated anagram of it and we go Matt Vans We.

Take the S off the We and put it on the van. Yep, there you go. That's something. Yep, still counts. Okay, that's definitely it then. That's who it is. Hey, just because I can see this little... Is this a Barbie truck I'm sitting next to?

Barbie Chelsea. Could be. I can't really see it from here, but could be. You're going to take your daughter to that Barbie movie that's coming out? I don't believe so. I haven't brought her to the cinema. No movies yet? No cinemas? You know what? It's a good point. I reckon she'd sit through it. I reckon she'd be, because she watches full movies now. Yep. Yeah. Going to take her to Oppenheimer on the same day. Teach her about the atom bomb. Is that a movie?

Check out some Barbie. Probably not. Yeah, it's a new Christopher Nolan movie about the guy who invented the atom bomb. And it's coming out on the same day as the Barbie movie. Oh, no. And people are like, that's very funny that it's like one for the fellas

and one for the ladies on the same day. Right. And like the Nova are doing like a double feature. Like cinemas are leaning into it. Screening them is like a double feature. Like cinemas are leaning into it. Screening them is like a double feature. Right. What opens and what closes? Well, this is what I reckon I'm going to do.

Because me and my girlfriend have gold class vouchers. My parents got us for Christmas that we still haven't used. Yeah. So I'm thinking we do them both in the one day. We go afternoon, regular session Oppenheimer. Yeah. It's like a three hour long movie. Yeah.

Get that done in the afternoon. Go out for dinner dinner some drinks barbie gold class is the dessert oh how's that sound for a day that's a it's a fucking big day but i don't mind the sound of it yeah i i like the um i like the idea of a break between movies well oppenheimer there'll be a lot in it a lot to discuss but then you want the barbie palette you know you want to have a couple of what are you break between movies. Well, Oppenheimer, there'll be a lot in it, a lot to discuss. But then you want the Barbie palette. You know, you want to have a couple of... What are you going to discuss about an Adam Bomb movie? Well, like, you know, long... Who would you have bombed?

I don't know whether it was... I don't know if it'll be any... You know, like, it's a Christopher Nolan, you know, it could be a big wank fest. Like, I'm sure there'll be a lot to dissect about it. You know, have some dinner, get a little drunk, and then just, like like wipe all that intensity away with just some complete popcorn.

Yeah. Just recline in those big old gold class seats. Yeah. Watch Gosling and Australia's very own. There's like a cool video on YouTube that your daughter might like. They did like an architecture digest video video of the Barbie set, and it's Margot Robbie taking you through Barbie's house that she lives in in the movie.

And it's really cool the way they designed it all. But it's just very funny. She's as Margot Robbie, but it's just very funny, her Australian accent being like, yeah, g'day, welcome to Barbie's house. This is where Barbie and all her little friends live. This is Barbie's pew and this is Barbie's dream car. It's like I'm amazed the studio didn't sit down and go,

you're going to have to do it in character. You've got to do the accent, I'm sorry. We're not letting this fly. We can't have you on screen going, I'm Barbie. This is my boyfriend, Kenny. This is Ken. I love being Barbie. Yeah.

Wearing me little shoes. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be a cool first movie for your kid. Yeah. The Barbie film. She'd love it because it's all like the toys, but it's like real life. Like they're up there on the screen

and it looks like they've designed it really well. It looks fun. I can be in there jerking off over Margot Robbie. Totally. Next to your kid, yeah. Cool. If you're cool with that, that's cool. Yeah.

She's – Babby. I think it's funny in my head where I always saw Margot Robbie on Neighbours and go – she is so hot. She should be in like a hollywood movie or something like that but then oh so you you take credit for you you made it happen i picked i didn't make it i didn't i didn't make it happen but i i knew i knew no i didn't know it was coming but i was like why is no one else going she is so much better looking than everyone else in Neighbours.

She looks like an alien. Like she looks, you know, you look at her next to just the average person. Yes. And you go, you can't tell me this is the same species. Yes, yes, yes. So it's like, yeah, why did this take so long? Like it was like, why is she slumming in Neighbours and whatever? And then all of a sudden she just pops up over there and it's like,

oh yeah, that makes way more sense. Yep. All of a sudden she just pops up over there and it's like oh yeah that makes way more sense yep all of a sudden yeah boom that's that that's a that's right we got that right yeah thank you finally someone sorted that out thank you yeah in the home office um but matt van wees um he's got the i mean we're we're as much as we're we're trying to get everything back to the clothing line, we can't overlook the fact that we have a person that listens to this show, and his name is Weez. He's got Weez in his name. So, I mean, that is – as much as it's nice to have a little thread happening,

let's not overlook that little gift from the gods. Well, I just feel a bit tapped out because last week we had Simon Poohs subscribing. Gary Van Poohs. We've got a lot of really grotty Dutch listeners. Putting the van in there makes it like, kind of thinks they're going to trick you. Yeah. Thinking it's actually a classy name. No, it's just Dutch. It's just how they do it over there how they do it right right right how they do it yeah yeah so update on on the on

the what we talked about maybe a week or two ago i can't remember where where we are in time anymore because of um banking a bunch banking of all that sort of stuff the person that we talked about weeks weeks ago that um messaged us or retweeted us or whatever on instagram yep um that had a picture of them dancing with pammy anderson yep yep yep on dancing with the stars and then i messaged and said what the fuck is going on yep and what what how do you know pammy and whatever i then did what i said i said I would do on the podcast and messaged back and went, look, why did this? Sorry, what's going on here? What?

Do you listen to this show? Yep. What's going on? And the person said, I said, sorry, I mean, please, do you listen to this podcast? It was an accidental tag. They said, ha, ha, ha, no, I... This is Matt Evers.

Ha, ha, no, I wanted to tag a DumDum account, and y'all were the most popular. DumDum's candy don't even have an Insta account. And my reply is, makes sense now. Disappointing. Say hi to Pammy for us. Scene. No reply.

Yep. Damn. Could have been a beautiful friendship. Damn it. But we stumbled at literally every hurdle. But look, I have literally talked to someone who has danced with Pamela Anderson. That's something. Yep.

And if the tabloids are to be believed. Yes. Had made sweet love to her despite the fact that she's gay. Yeah. In the same tabloid. Imagine being gay? Yeah. In the same template. Imagine being gay and having had sex with Pammy. The big double. What a life.

The big double. Yeah. Well, thanks, Matt Van Wees, for not flushing your money down the toilet, but sending it to us instead. I don't know why that's so funny to me. The two most desirable things in life are to be gay and have sex with Pammy. It's quite a CV.

It is. What would you rather do in which order? What's better to have done in what order? To come out as gay and then have sex with Pamela Anderson or to have sex with Pamela Anderson and then realize you're gay? Well, I don't know what it's called, but I like to think of them as the kind of thing that, like, all things in time are all happening at the same time.

Right. They've all happened and they all will continue to happen, so it's like I don't have to think about the order of them. I'm always having sex with Pammy and I also am always gay. Right. Is there that thing of, of you know like straight guys will say you know like say like you've said ryan gosling you say look i'm straight but i turned gay for yeah but you know when you see that guy well yeah yeah yeah if the opportunity presented yeah if i had to yeah i mean he's a good looking man yeah that sort of thing is that do the gay gay guys do that when they see Pammy?

They go, well, I'm gay, but I had the chance there. I mean, maybe not Pammy. I think Pammy is too much of like the straight man's desire. Okay. I could imagine like a Jennifer Coolidge situation where, you know, because she's such like the gay icon. Right. I could imagine a scenario where a gay man is like,

honestly, that'd be, if that came up, that's my out. No, but I... That's my like straight hall pass. I think that that's... I reckon that's different though because it's a gay icon that doesn't... That's like a very heterosexual man going, oh, Shane Wallen, I love the man.

Wish I could fuck him. I don't think it's the same. That's, again, another icon. I don't think that's a sexual thing. Yeah, but I'm not saying everyone, but I'm saying, like, I could imagine. I don't know. Because I'd be more geared that way of going, oh, Shane Warne. Like, I love Shane Warne growing up as a kid,

but I'd rather fuck Ryan Gosling than Shane Warne. Okay, sure, sure. Boy, we are really out of our depth here. Oh, I'm not. We could have said that from Ep 1 every episode since then. We could have said that about the first time we tried comedy. And the most recent time. Yeah, exactly.

Into the future. All things are all happening at once. Yeah, exactly. Into the future. All things are all happening at once. Yeah, yeah. Who's the English guy that came out for Comedy Festival? He wasn't on our podcast, but he plays a very dapper character. He's the greeter. Oh, Troy Hawke. Troy Hawke.

Yeah. So if anyone's seen him online, very funny man. He pretends to be a greeter at the front of different shops and stuff like that very confusing um he's a guy where he performed he came into my venue and whatever and was like and i was like fuck if you're if i was that way inclined that'd be the guy and then like whoever i was with was like yeah that's all of our choices. That's we all think the same thing. Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting.

So if that's... He's comedy's Pammy. Yeah. Well, that's what I would like to know. For gay listeners or who is your... Who's your straight... Who's your female hall pass? Not Liza Minnelli, not the gay icon.

Yeah. But who's someone that you could actually go... That's just like undeniable. Physically. What we're saying is someone whose beauty transcends sexual orientation. Yes. Yes. Let us know. Yes.

Let's tally the votes and crown a winner next week. Literally, who would you turn straight for? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. All right. the votes and crown a winner next literally who would you turn straight for yeah yeah yeah yep all right okay uh all right we've got one more yep before you can go home and do a poo or whatever the fuck you're gonna do i don't know what i'll do honestly you're gonna eat i think i'll eat yeah i think i'm okay to eat i'm still i'm gonna i i haven't had a coffee since I started getting sick. And I woke up this morning thinking maybe I can go back on coffee

and then I just thought that's such a high risk. Like literally waking up, getting ready and driving over here. And I was like there's no room for error there. I can't afford that. Yes. Especially in someone else's house. Exactly. So I played it pretty safe.

Well, and then also just like you're doing a pod for an hour. There's no way of ducking out. Yep. I don't know. Maybe just like a nice little simple sandwich or something on the way home. Just take it pretty low key. As soon as I got home, my parents came and stayed in my house, stayed over for the weekend.

And because they're coming from the country and they're like, oh, we want to go and do something we don't normally do. Okay, cool. What do you want to do? Let's have Thai food for lunch. No problem. As soon as I got home, 15 days in Thailand, we went and had Thai for lunch. Great.

Yeah. So that was good, I guess. I've certainly appreciated it a lot more in previous times, but it was sort of a little bit, the closest to a chore I've had in terms of eating Thai food. Yeah, right. Interesting. Interesting. What are you going to do for lunch? I have already eaten a couple of sandwiches. I got very hungry early, so possibly nothing. Okay. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, wow.

What? We've actually done it five in a row. Five clothing brands? Five clothing brands in a row. We've got, I mean, we've had the, what have we had? The Brooks Brothers, quite high class clothing. Sarah, that was similar. Yep.

We had the opposite end with the hand-in-hand. Bowling shirt. Cheap bowling shirt. Then we got Vans. And then we then we got advanced footwear the first footwear we've had and now this the first lingerie uh thank you very much to patreon subscriber victoria's comedy um the funniest lingerie yeah yeah you got that i know i got it yeah right yeah yeah okay i'm pretty switched on yeah right i get jokes just like little lacy underwear with whoopee cushions in the back. Oh, that's cool, yeah. Fake dog turds in there and stuff.

So she looks all hot and then she sits down and farts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like hand buzzers on the bra, so in case you feel someone's tits, they just sort of give you a shock and stuff like that. That is cool. And so on. This is good. Yes.

You're right. Well, thanks, Victoria's Comedy, and thanks, everyone, for supporting the show. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Get on there. Get yourself your bonus episodes the show. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. Get on there. Get yourself your bonus episodes every week. Thank you very much for listening. And we'll see you next time.

See you, mates.