The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 666 - Gareth Reynolds & Gen Fricker

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

We're back on Zoom to hang out with out-of-town superpals GEN FRICKER and GARETH REYNOLDS! We have grand plans for this episode but they all get derailed once Gen and Gareth latch on to the detail of a young Karl Chandler owning a filing cabinet. You'll learn about the origins of the filing cabinet, the motivation behind buying the filing cabinet, what happened to the key to the filing cabinet, and where the filing cabinet is now. And that's it! Enjoy! You love it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Gareth Reynolds and Jen Fricker. The Little Dum Dum Club is on Patreon. Get onto patreon.com slash little dum dum club, support the show, get two bonus mini episodes every week and go into the drawer to get your name read out at the end of an episode of The Little Dum Dum Club. We will be back soon to talk to you in Talking Dum Dum, but until then, enjoy this main event with Jen Fricker and Gareth Reynolds. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dasolo and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Go, dickhead. And joining us today live via satellite, two very special guests. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Gareth Reynolds and Jen Freeper. Yay! Yay!

Yay! It's the good one from the dollop. Yay! Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's nice. That's the nicest thing Carl's ever said to me.

Maybe ever to anyone. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's nice. That's the nicest thing Carl's ever said to me. Maybe ever to anyone. Yeah. Yeah. That's so sweet. You say that to people who aren't even on the dollop. Yeah. Yeah. I know.

That's good practice. I said that to my mum on her deathbed as I put the pillow over. Yeah. Oh, Carl. Carl. Wait. So it wasn't the deathbed until you came into the room and you got the pillow out and all of a sudden.

I converted. I did a bit of a reno on the bed. I turned it into the deathbed until you came into the room and you got the pillow out and all of a sudden. I converted. I did a bit of a reno on the bed. I turned it into a deathbed. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Oh, man, I just got news. I just got news from my mum and dad, actually.

Welcome in, guys. We'll talk about you in a minute. But first of all, me. Can I just say, beautiful segue, Carl. Keep going. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. That's Hollywood.

I just found out, my mum rang me the other day and said, oh, we're selling the family house. That's it. And come and get your shit. Oh, wow. Like, soon. Okay. So that's what's in my mind.

Because I'm like, oh, cool. They're sort of like to an age where it's sort of like icebergs moving. You know, things will happen in the next couple of years. You know, we've got an idea. But now it's like, yeah, if you can come up in the next three weeks and get all your shit from the last 40 years, that would really help us out. So what? Yeah. But this is happening late, I feel like.

I've gone through this. You're lucky. Yeah. Yeah, I had to do this about 10 years ago. Yeah, I did this like 20 years ago. I like the idea that you're like, oh, my high chair. I can't part with this.

You're in your 40s. The dump truck? Yeah, Carl, you have a child of your own. I mean, I guess. My breast milk? I'm saving that. What if I get thirsty? I mean, my boob cheese?

That's tough, Carl. At least you can legally drink and have been able to for a few decades. Yeah, I'm finally moving out of my bedroom that I haven't lived in for 25 years. Yeah. It's going to be tough to decide what to bring. Oh, buddy. At least you have a wife to help you through this difficult transition. And have had for nearly 10 years, yes.

Your kid's like 21, right? She can probably help you move some stuff. Yeah, my kid's going to drive me up there to pack up. You can probably buy it. Why don't you just buy it? No, this is the stupid thing. It's like they've taken so long to decide to do this because they own two houses.

So they own that house, which is like a big farm. Okay, rich. No, not me. Okay, landlord. I'm trying to determine... Okay, nepo baby. I'm trying to determine if you're rich or your country's just so much better than ours.

Yeah, I'm a nepo baby. Sorry, my parents raised me in a house. I'm not a homeless child. Clang. Sorry, everyone. Two houses. I grew up on a farm in the middle of fucking nowhere sorry to brag everyone but uh that's will anderson's story and you're not allowed to take it carl sorry i'm sorry he's the australian farm guy yeah yeah yeah yeah you

only get one yeah yeah and your big baby that's your story your big baby your big baby, that's your story. Your big baby. Your big baby, the pajama guy. Right. Okay. What was that? Five minutes until we got to that? Okay, good. Good. I'm glad.

I'm glad. Gareth, it's interesting that you've learned that there are literally only two farms in Australia. The one that Will Anderson grew up on and the one that Kyle grew up on. Yeah, we were next door. We were next door to each other. Yeah. It's like Capulets and Montagues.

The Chandlers and the Andersons. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we had... The two houses. Crocodile Dundee lived in between us, but we bought him out. And now there's two farms instead of three. You laugh, but that's the real story. Yeah.

I laugh because I love being part of comedy. Yeah, okay. I've created it. It's hard for me to tell. It's hard to read you sometimes. story so yeah i love because it's i love being part of comedy and then you know yeah okay it's hard for me to tell you it's hard to read you sometimes but yeah that is why it's funny okay good we've got that sorted right we know it's funny and we know why it's funny good so yeah it's funny because it's grounded in what's true yeah do you remember when you first had me on your show When I showed up to Melbourne You wouldn't even let me on the stage early in the show No, no, no

These fucking assholes Oh, you don't know who this guy is Yeah Fucking made me wait in the back Or wherever the fuck that was No, that did not happen What happened was Yeah, Carl

Carl was like I don't know, he's American I don't know about these people Which is a fair judgment But Jen, they had me waiting in the back Yeah Yeah, Carl. Carl was like, I don't know. He's American. I don't know about these people. Which is a fair judgment. But Jen, they had me waiting in the back. Yeah, I was like, I don't know. American people, I don't know if they understand.

We might be able to bring them up for the very end. I don't know if American people understand showbiz or not, so I don't trust this guy. Yeah. And now you're getting emails in the middle of the night begging you to get on zoom for a podcast with us let's let's get it clear this is what happened dave was on the show he said i might have a bit of a surprise for you and we're like okay and then he brings you up and my first question i literally go just one question who the fuck is this guy that's yeah that's what

i think i was like oh my, I think I was there. I was like, nice to meet you. Yeah. Yeah. I think Jen can relate. Her best experience of this show was being on a drunk cast, really thrown into the deep end. Oh my God.

Savages who've been drinking all afternoon. No one in the room knows what's happening. And I think, I think it was maybe my second time in Melbourne ever like not even the comedy festival like Melbourne the city yeah

and like I'm in amongst all these fucking drunk Melbourne comics and like it's the first time I met Anne Edmonds I'm like

I like your skirt to Anne Edmonds like she's just like alright fuck off like I'm on a blackout it was an easy thing

to compliment because she wasn't wearing a top so yeah yeah well that's it right well the first the first drunk cast i saw was later that trip and it was i was like what the fuck is going on right now i saw i'm trying to think who's penis i saw i think i saw lawrence moody's penis yeah cody's penis i forget who had her tits out. Dil stage dived. Yeah. I mean. Edo had her top off. And I was, oh my God. I was like, this is an incredible shit.

And I was like, forget all this stuff. Who the fuck is this American guy? Who the fuck is this guy? Who the fuck does this guy think he is? Check his, does he have a ticket? Yeah. Why's he got seating at this event? Why's he got clothes on?

Who's penis is this? Who does this penis belong to? Who's this circumcised weirdo? Well, I... So I've got to go and pick up my bibs. You've got to go get... Yeah, so talk us through. What are the personal effects that you're going to have to go collect

from the Maryborough farm? Well, it's my mum has started to sort everything out. Yeah. They're in a frame. It's like the hard rock. Yeah, I can't pick up the statue of the pyjamas. It's in my hometown, obviously, but I can get the real deal. They love the Carl statue more than Carl. No, it's not even me.

It's just the pyjamas. It's just the pyjamas. Planet Carl would. Much more than Carl. No, it's not even me. It's just the pajamas. It's just the pajamas. Planet Carl would. Much more than that. That great diner. Yeah. They've renamed my hometown Maribor after it, Pajama Wood. That's what it's called now.

That's how famous the pajamas are up there. That's exciting. Yeah. That's exciting. So I've got to go. My mom's warned me already. She started to sort the books, some of my books. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Now, we've talked about this. What books was a young Carl reading? Thank you, Jen. What shaped this mind? Thank you, Jen. You know? What was the version of the game they had in the 50s?

Yeah. The Greek. The Greek. The junior game. The game for 15-year-olds. Right, right, right. Yeah. The game. The junior game. The game for 15-year-olds. Right, right, right. It used to come free in a Happy Meal at McDonald's, so that's the one I was working on. But Carl, what books are we talking about?

Seriously. I'm serious. We've talked about this a long time on the show before, but as a child, I mean, well, I don't know what kids were spending their money on, but what I did was I saved up to buy a filing cabinet so I could have somewhere to put all my comic books and magazines and really bad books.

And so that is still sitting there in my bedroom, this massive filing cabinet. How old were you when you got a file cabinet? I bought a file cabinet. And did you hug it at night? Yeah. I love you, my guy. Was there a little hole carved in the side of it?

You guys, I mean, come on, seriously. There was always an age, like when you hit 13, when you got really into storage, wasn't there? You know, when you really saved up all your pennies. Oh, yeah, yeah, your balls drop and you love organisation. Yeah, yeah. I remember that. That's a great thing. You'd have the door closed, your parents would come in,

what are you doing in here? You better be masturbating. You better be masturbating in there, Carl. I'm doing admin. Leave me alone. I'm doing admin. I think he's filing. Open that door. Open that door. Leave me alone. I'm doing admin. I think he's filing. Open that door.

Open that door. He's filing. I'm sorting. Don't look at me. I'm sorting. Disgrace. I went down and I put aside, I think it was like $5 a week or something to give to Waddle Office Supplies.

And I went down, I bought myself a filing cabinet for several hundred dollars. Several hundred? I don't know. Several hundred? Was it bulletproof? How much are filing cabinets? How much are they? Wow.

That was like 35 years ago, too. Adjusting for inflation, this filing cabinet would be like $8,000 now. But that's like saying, you know when you go to Pizza Hut these days and they're giving them out for $3? I remember when I first went to uni, they were like $5, $6, $7 on special. Don't shift to Pizza Hut. No, don't try to charm us with your relatable Pizza Hut stories. A few hundred dollars in file cabinets at that age is...

Well, you know what? It's the cost of materials and the construction, obviously, and then it's the lingerie that he put on it. Andalosian. Ambulance. Andalosian. Yeah, yeah. Carl, I don't...

And I'm not even trying to just... Look, what I love about this show is that within the first seven minutes, Carl says something that's insane, and then he's like, no, no, no, no. That's what I meant at all. There's always the bit that Carl thinks is the story, and then there's the offhand detail that becomes the next hour of our lives. Who, I mean, what? Who spends a few hundred dollars on file cabinets?

What? Who spends a few hundred dollars on file cabinets? What if we unlock a repressed memory that Carl has where he's thinking, he's like, how did I get all that money? Yeah, that old man down by the lake. This is all starting to come into focus now. Yeah, yeah. How did I get all that pocket money? By putting my hand into someone's pocket. Oh, okay, that's how I got the name.

Okay. I have to keep shaking the change's pocket. Oh, okay. That's how I got the name. Okay. Yeah. I have to keep shaking the change in here? Okay, sir. I got a filing cabinet from Wattle Office Supplies, and I'm starting to unlock memories of the owners, and they're going, why is a child coming? This is the first time a child has ever come into this store. Were you coming in every couple of days and just like eyeing it off,

like coveting it one day, like looking at your little, looking at your little coin purse for how much you've got and how close you are to getting the filing cabinet. And also I'm kind of wondering now, like, you know, when my child does a bad thing, I'm sort of like, I explain why the thing's bad and tell my child not to do it. Where was my parents telling me at 13, don't fucking spend several hundred dollars on a filing cabinet. I'm also curious, what are you reprimanding a child for? It has to be the normal stuff a child does, but you're like, what are you talking about?

This is pen money. What are you doing? I reckon they would have just been relieved. You know, you growing up in a small country town, and them knowing that you're saving up for a filing cabinet, they would have just been relieved that you weren't spending your pocket money on ice. Yeah. They would have been like, you know you growing up in a small country town and them knowing that you're saving up for a filing cabinet they would have just been relieved that you weren't spending your pocket money on ice yeah they would have been like you know what yeah let's just let this fruity filing cabinet behavior go this is a best case scenario yeah yeah if you if he's going to grow up as a nerd so be it like that's one of the better things that could come out of this this is this might be

a super nerd yeah at least he's a super nerd. Jed and Gareth, I will tell you, I've seen the filing cabinet in question, and it's fucking huge. Thank you. Did they not have a junior child version of it that they could have sold you? How big?

How big are we talking? It's like up to there, right? It's like a full size, like standing. I'm pretty sure it was bigger than me when I bought it. I bought a big filing cabinet. What is a child? It gave you something to aspire to. I measured myself up against it every year.

You bought the filing cabinet. At first, you were intimidated by it. Then you began to resent it. And then you were like, I'm going to become bigger than you, and I'm going to leave this town, and you're going to stay here forever! Open the door, he's filing again, he's filing again, open the

door. I got to a point where I started to bully the filing cabinet when I got bigger than him. What does a child file, Carl? Okay. What are you putting in there? Let's make it...

Pedophile? Hey! It's a fun bit of wordplay for anyone. It's the only pun I've ever enjoyed, honestly. Carl went in there and molested himself, and he called it the pedophile. And then wrote the crime down and put it in the filing cabinet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, how come there's only one file in there, it's all P in this filing cabinet? Case closed. Just like that. Put it in the pedophile and shut it up. Okay. Your parents opening it up and it just reams and reams of paper detailing the times you've molested yourself.

Oh, it's so much worse than we could have imagined good lord it's called masturbating no it's not i was in the pedophile i was half asleep i couldn't say no lie of the witch in the wardrobe but with our son masturbating yeah yeah yeah it was there was, there was a lot of comic books. There was basically only two things. There was comic books and, look, let's split them up. I like to split these up. Mad magazines. Yeah. There was actual comic books, which are two very different things,

especially if you saw the way I'd filed everything. Everything was alphabetical. Yeah, Mad's a humorous magazine. Yes. It's not strictly speaking. And it's a magazine, not a alphabetical. Yeah, Mad's a humorous magazine. Yes. It's not strictly speaking. And it's a magazine, not a comic book. Yes. Let's get those things different.

I mean, I'm saying these out loud. It would be obvious if you saw the filing cabinet, obviously. Yeah. But, and then... I just want to say I'm furious at Tommy for being so agreeable. But okay, keep going. Yeah, I feel like you need to absolutely be putting an end to this, Tom. Guys, it's 13 years.

I've heard it all at this point. I've heard it all. Also, Tommy's seen the filing cabinet. I've seen the filing cabinet. I'm more annoyed because we're doing this remotely anyway that Carl didn't go, look, I can't explain it now, but on our end, we've got to be on the Zoom call from my parents' house in Maryborough. It'll make sense once we get on the call.

If we could just pivot the laptop now and have the filing cabinet in shot. Jen and Gareth, we did one live show in Maryborough once at a pub in Maryborough. I brought the filing cabinet to the show and put it on stage. We had to get a guy with a truck to come around to Carl's

parents' house and load the filing cabinet up for us. This is true. This is true. This is true. So I got the owner of the pub. Carl, and then Carl, and you're like why are these people obsessed with the filing cabinet when it was a feature on one of your shows?

Yeah. I think Carl's upset that we didn't know about it. I think this is a passive aggressive way. Yeah, I agree. He's being like, yeah, and the filing cabinet, hold for applause. The die-hard fans of the show, the long-time listeners. Main character of the show.

The third member of the little dum-dum club, the filing cabinet. You guys know. You've got to put the filing cabinet in the pajamas and put it on the show. Oh, yeah. So it's sentient. So it's like a Dalek almost. We put wheels on it and we can have someone off stage with a little remote control when we do live shows.

Oh, man, it's like a Dalek. Man, it was honestly very full of Doctor Who-related magazines and books. It's more than you know. So we do a live show and we have a bit where we're on stage and we're in the middle of a riff and you're like, that'd be like, oh, God, I've just gone blank. I can't think of a funny joke. And then the filing cabinet comes out like, hello, Carl,

and then it's like the door just pops open and you reach in and grab an index card and go, oh, yeah, you're a dumb cunt. Yay! Yes, yes. Yay! Why are these files all wet? Oh, no. an index card and go, oh, yeah, you're a dumb cunt. Yes. Yes. Yay. Why are these files all wet? Oh, no. That's the key to files.

Yes. Yeah. So this is what happened was as part of the deal, the pub owner really wanted the podcast to happen. Part of the deal. Look, you're not going to play this club unless the file cabinet's here, Kyle. You're great, but we want the file cabinet. The opposite.

Bring in the closer. Yeah. We got the owner of the pub to go out to my parents' farm and pick up the filing cabinet on the back of a truck and then bring it in. And then after the show, he had to bring it back again. So the whole thing was... It was like those Armour Guard guys that you see like emptying out ATMs.

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. So then the whole thing... Except totally worthless. The whole thing was at the time, because this is years and years ago, we were talking about how I had a key to the filing cabinet. And so all of these comic books and stuff were like locked away and

no one could ever get to them because i i dropped the well you like this i dropped the key in a swimming hole that was nicknamed barry's hole so the key to my filing cabinet was at the bottom of barry's hole and so the the filing cabinet hadn't been open for like 15 years or something so for close to two decades this yeah why are you swimming with your filing cabinet key? Why are you like, you're like. Is that how it happened? I can't come down to the hole today unless I bring my filing cabinet key. Barry's hole, thank you.

Listen, listen, listen. Barry's hole. Again, you're right. I'm disappointed that I'm not, I don't find this, you know, I've heard. This is just normal to me now. You should be, you're in an abusive marriage, no, you're right. I'm disappointed that I'm not, I don't find this, you know, I've heard, this is just normal to me now. You should be, you're in an abusive marriage, Tommy, and you should be furious right now. My friendship with Carl has atrophied my brain.

I'm seeing your response and I'm like, why don't I feel like this? Yeah, you guys just keep going. It's been 12 years. That doesn't make it okay. But, okay, the fact that you're swimming with a fucking file cabinet key, someone should have pushed you further into Barry's hole and not let you up. Yeah. You should have been lost, not the key.

Yeah, and you're acting like it's a bank vault. It's like, yeah, a file cabinet? We could get into it. Yeah. Oh, but like, what if someone gets into your filing cabinet? What would they find? Publicly available magazines and comics? Heaven forbid. Heaven forbid that people be able to access the lighter

side of owning a car. Yeah, exactly. It's a security box. I don't want anyone coming in and seeing what Don Martin's fresh take on the movie Gremlins was in 1985. Also, I was out in a remote farm on top of everything else, literally 15 minutes drive

from a very small town. We were in the middle, like the location itself was security enough. No one, there was no cows trying to break in. How much of this did your wife know before she married you?

Did she know about the pajamasjamas and the file cabinet? No, none of that. Oh, this was all in his speech on the day. Don't worry about that. She found out then. It's too late. Was the cabinet at your wedding? Yeah, the file cabinet's the best man.

No, it was the ring bearer. And like we said, it wheeled itself down the aisle and then it popped out. It took me a long time to get married because I had the ring in the filing cabinet, but I didn't have the key, so we couldn't get married. You had to go to Barry's Hall. You had to drain the swimming hole to get the key back. It was like I was trying to develop a submarine to get to, you know, we were testing it out with a Titanic so we could get to the bottom of Barry's Hall

to get that key back. I'm sorry, I had fun, but I'm not going to laugh at that. That is a tragedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like in the Britney Spears video. Those guys are American heroes. Those are American heroes. They died doing what we all want to do,

which is not doing what we want to do. So thank you. Yeah, I don't know if it made the news over there, Gareth, but about 10 years ago, six Australian billionaires died trying to go and explore Tom Campbell's file in Calvary Key in Barry's Hole. So, yeah, kind of... That story didn't register as much over here

because we were like, well, we've seen this. That's going to be the Australian version of Titanic, the movie. I'm going to be the old lady that's going to be looking for the key to Barry's Hole. You're on the door at the end and you're like, there's not enough room for the key on here, I'm sorry. Yeah, Carl's holding onto the file cabinet and drowning. It's called Witanic.

I'm also fascinated by why you keep calling it file cabinet, not filing cabinet. Is that an American thing? Why do you keep calling it file cabinet? Yeah, Gareth, you're being weird. Thank you, Tommy. Carl, I'm not going to let you carve out a little finger-pointing room for yourself.

You can try all you want, fucking guy who swam with his file cabinet key. Stop being a freak and calling it a file cabinet. Now, back to me losing my key inside Barry's hole. Right, so. Carl, 23 minutes in, I reckon you thought this story would be wrapping up around the 10 minute mark, right? Isn't that always how it goes? Yeah.

Carl's got a little set list. He's like, alright, then we'll move from the file cabinet story and by the end we'll be in the fourth story. Buddy, what are you talking about? You need to be studied. I need a file cabinet for you. When we were fixating on just the existence of the filing cabinet in my head, I was like, these guys don't even know about the key being in Barry's home.

Once we get to there, we are on. I wasn't going to bring up the fact, the whole thing about my mom and dad's house. I was going to leave this for different guests. I was like, this is not for these guests. They're not going to be interested. There's going to be no follow-up questions. Here's the problem. Carl, you've never listened to yourself.

You've been yourself. Your whole life you've been you. You've never sat here and listened to you. When you listen to you, what is happening? I know. You want to let me on your show? Me? And you're swimming with a file cabinet key?

Carl likes to comment that he never listens back to this podcast. I like to imagine that like, if you did one day, it'd be like when Nelson Muntz in The Simpsons

does his ha-ha into the mirror by accident. And he's like, oh, that's what that feels like. It sounds fun. I want to book me as a guest on this show. So,

because I'm looking at how much fun you guys are having and going, how come I don't have as much fun as that? I want to be one of you guys. Who watches The Watchmen? It's just great.

Wait, so wait. I just want to really eliminate all possibilities before we move on from this story. We're not moving on. Clear the agenda. Were other children in your town also having filing cabinets? Was it a thing that you saw other children with their filing cabinets and became children?

Great question. I was definitely coming into the schoolyard, sort of rubbing my knuckles on my chest going, no big deal, guys. The first filing cabinet in town, right here, this guy. The man in the shop said I was the first filing cabinet in town right here this guy the man in the shop the man in the shop said i was the youngest filing cabinet owner he'd ever seen actually so yeah you're pulling the kid who only had a label maker yeah yeah a couple of people i think in class but

nowhere near the you know the level of shit i had going on, organization. I have a follow-up question off of Jen's question, Carl. And I'm being serious. Did other kids like you? Did you find it impossible to relate to children your age? That was real good cop, bad cop. Jen was like, did other kids maybe have the filing cabinets? G mean, that was real good cop, bad cop. Jen was like, did other kids maybe

have filing cabinets? Gareth, cuts to the chase. Did you talk to another child? I did find it weird when I would go around to... He didn't need friends. He had the filing cabinets.

Yeah. He was like, of course. I had file and the key. I did find it weird. I would go around to my friends' houses and they just had

Spider-Man comics sitting on top of a desk and stuff. Savages. What the fuck? Do you guys know how to live? I was like, I need to move to the big city. I can't stay in a small town like this with such haphazard organisation

of children's periodicals. This is fucking insane. Yeah. Hey, I just want to bring up a detail that we've glossed over that I think you'll enjoy. The end to us getting the filing cabinet brought in for the live show that we did in Maryborough was that... Well, the whole thing was, yeah, we didn't have the key, so I could never get into it. We could never get into it.

We brought it on stage, and we got a locksmith to come and open it up for us. And we pried it open, andl was able to access the filing cabinet for the first time in like what 20 years yes and there were not only were there old mad magazines in there there were a bunch of letters from an ex-girlfriend as well yes and it was oh wow it was a brutal end to the night and hey you're forgetting another thing also also a porno oh yeah a porno a porno a porno vhs that i had cleverly hidden in there by turning like the cover art back to front so it was like a white it just looked like a plain white video but when you when you opened it up it was actually the sauce about that. It was actually the Pammy and Tommy Lee porno. Oh, my God.

I love it. I love the idea you were like, if my parents break into this locked drawer and find a blank childhood porno VHS, they're not going to think anything of it. I'll throw them off the set. Instead of filing it under P, I'll put it under a different letter where they'll never think to look.

Because P was really for that point. And for not for. Yeah. C for cinema. Okay. Yeah. I do retract what I said earlier about you not having me on stage because that show sounds like the greatest show ever.

Yeah. How can you top that? Also. What are you bringing that could top a filing cabinet where carl doesn't even remember what's inside of it yeah yeah how many how many i don't like this story because um the implication that you like the fact that you found your ex-girlfriend's love letters in there implies that someone loved you

and had a file cabinet at the same time. Well, the only way that it makes sense is if all the letters were about how this won't work because of the file cabinet. And then you're like, you filing them is this weird moment for you where you're like, this is the very thing that brought me here.

I put this under Elphalize. He doesn't want to make love to me. He wants to file me. I don't know how I feel about that. As she's breaking up with you, she's like, are you seriously filing the letters where I'm telling you this won't work because I'm filing? Well, what am I supposed to do?

Just leave them on the desk? She's talking dirty to me. I want you to defile me. No worries. Did you say file you? No. No, I didn't. File? Defile? Well, don't mind if I do. Under D?

Under D? I'm breaking up with you. For definitely not porno? I'm breaking up with you because you're one of the most vile men I've ever met. One of the most vile men you've ever met? Why, thank you. Yay! I do try. I do try most file men you've ever met. Why, thank you. Yay! I do try.

I do try. Thank you for noticing. Finally. This is a, you know, we came into this podcast saying we hate puns, and now we love them. You know what I mean? File it under P. And, yay! Yeah.

For polite things you're saying to me. Great. Yeah. So I brought, so we got the pub owner to bring the the filing cabinet sorry if you don't understand that terminology gareth but uh the filing cabinet and on the back of a truck and then he brought it to the the pub and the whole thing was barry's whole key gone forever uh like the necklace at the bottom of the titanic at the ocean and all that sort of stuff

we're finally going to see what's in there because we're going to come and pick the lock on stage and people have brought along skeleton keys and all this sort of stuff that's right

yeah but the thing was this guy big group of bandits in that night it was a really good show yeah but the thing is the guy had

picked up the filing cabinet and chucked it on the back of this truck and just broke the filing cabinet so then when we got it it just like when we put it on stage all the drawers like flew open and it was like it just kind of popped open yeah okay and so then the show was like in half an hour or something and we're like okay now it's time for a bit of theater we're just gonna have to act like it wasn't busted open and like all the comics were fucking everywhere

have you ever revealed this fact i can't i don't know if we have yeah i think this might be an exclusive this is a you like your audience very a very interesting development yeah yeah so um so you had to get a fake locksmith and he was like i don't know carl it's pretty jammed yeah and by the way it can also be called the file cabinet because when you're done filing what is it yeah we treat our audience like five-year-olds we had a big uh we had a big raccoon come out with a set of oversized keys and yeah yeah around in front of the filing cabinet going but i don't shrugging turning around and shrugging

at the lucky the raccoon yeah the lucky thing is know I'm dumb, but we have an audience that's even dumber, so we got away with it. So it's fine. Yeah. The people that look up to this man, imagine how stupid they are. He's a father. Well, to be fair, people traveled to Meribah, traveled out of Melbourne two hours to come and see the filing cabinet.

That's true. Listen, nobody's defending their honor, but good God. You're no hero. Wait, so the filing cabinet is currently broken. That's it. Is that correct? So then they had to haul the filing cabinet back to my parents' farm, and so then it's just sitting there all busted open.

Did they have to, Carl? What are you talking about? Did they have to take the broken filing cabinet full of bullshit? It's not like an Elvis jumpsuit. Yeah, this didn't have to happen. Well, either that or they leave this filing cabinet full of mad magazines in their pub and they didn't want it. Guys, you should have seen it.

Full motorcade down the main street of Maryborough. Snipers on every second story building in case anyone comes for the filing cabinet. I would love to see the look on this manager's face when you're like, all right, yeah, so take it back. He's like, take it what? It doesn't lock? Everything in there is garbage? I guess it makes sense that they would want me to take it back.

I just really hadn't factored that in as part of this. Yeah. But the good thing is that's the inspiration is like, well, you don't have to bring it back or you can have this filing cabinet full of bullshit live in your pub forever. And they're like, yeah, man, let's go now. Yeah, I feel like the garbage is what you're doing.

Throw it down Barry's hole. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. So this filing cabinet This broken filing cabinet That's now what Permanently open

Yes That can't lock Yes So it's So So it has to be salvaged From your parents house Yes

Before they So there's no deep divers Down Barry Hole Does it still have the porno in it Yes Does it still have the porno in it Yeah I haven't taken it out of it

Why did you leave the porno there Take this back to mum and dad's house With the porno Well I'm not going to mum and dad's house with the porno. Well, I'm not going to bring it back to my house to show my wife and child about what I used to jerk off to 20 years ago. Oh, but sure for your parents. Oh, your parents would love to know. I can't get in trouble for having it.

My parents still don't know because I haven't flipped the cover back around yet. My parents still don't know that my dad doesn't know. I didn't realize you hadn't done the big reveal. No, well played. Well played, Carl. Once again, you're two steps ahead. Oh, no. Fuck, wait.

I forgot. My parents were at the show. They do know. Sorry. I take that back. Because that's right. You got grounded after that and we couldn't do the podcast for two weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Carl, go to your file cabinet. That's it, young man. No filing for a month. I hate you, Dad. Go inside your file home and go pedophile. I'm running away and joining Officeworks. I hate you. All right.

Just because you've been a bad boy, I'm going to open up the filing cabinet and I'm going to put Spider-Man in before Batman. I'm going to completely un-alphabetize your filing cabinet. Mother! Mother! You don't do that, mother! Mother! No! Do you think that

the people at the Wattle Office Company, whatever the fuck the shop was, do you... Wattle Office, sorry, put fuck the shop was. Wattle Office Supplies, bit of respect. Do you... For the fine people out there. Wattle Office, sorry, put respect on their name. Wattle Office Supplies. Oh, I believe it's still going. Do you think they walked in and they saw you, a small little car,

with like a bunch of money and they were like, yeah, the filing cabinet's $800. That's a lot of money, mister. Yeah. Before he walked in, there's a poster of money mister Yeah Before he walked in there's a poster saying For a special boy like you On sale only $30 I didn't realise you were worth so much money

They just see Carl coming They just rip the on sale sign down Yeah Yeah yeah yeah The most beautiful filing cabinet For the most beautiful boy Can I have a spare key? Well, a spare key's $200 more.

Never mind, I'll just live with it like a locket around my neck forever. Oh, I wish I had have invited the people at Waddle Office Supplies to the live show so they could have seen the filing cabinet all grown up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because last time they saw it, when it left the store, store it was all empty that's a good yeah that's a good ad for wattle office supplies like what is it 20 something years on it's still going strong well it was until some fucking publican busted it open yeah true i'm glad it didn't say it in that in that condition yeah yeah well to be fair it was ruined when you put porno and stuff like that in

it that's when it was really defiled. Actually, if they had it turned up, I could have maybe tried to partially get money back because if it was so easily opened by just dropping it by a publican. The lifetime warranty. I have the next move. Carl, I want you, instead of taking it away from your parents' place, to try to return it. Try to get your money back. Yeah.

That's the move. Yeah, you've got to look into the warranty policy of this decades-old filing cabinet. Honestly, I think it's... My guess is it's more than 34 years old. Yeah. Go in there like you just bought it and be like, it doesn't shut,

and there was a bunch of stuff in it already. Yeah. Yeah, and weirdly enough. Someone left this mystery tape that I'm sure isn't porn. A bunch of weird letters. Oh, I guess I turned it around. Sir, that might be porn now that I've turned it around. Yeah.

Also, there's a magazine in here that I thought had an adaptation of Jurassic Park, but instead it says Jurassic Bark? Yeah. And all the characters' names are a bit off? What's going on? Yeah, all the content's wrong in here. It's all slightly off. But whoever he is, he really filed the hell out of it.

I'll give him that, but I still owe him my money back. I'd like to bring it back. What are you asking for? The receipt? Where the fuck was I supposed to keep that? What are you talking about? Why would I have kept that? And where?

Check under R, sir. Yeah. what are you talking about why would i have kept that and where no check under r sir yeah so uh i have to man i i this is the bad thing i have to organize a truck to go and get this filing cabinet my i've told my wife and my wife's already like what are you why are you taking it is garbage yeah you don't need to get this. You keep acting like this has it. You keep trying to lay it out like, so here I am in another logistical nightmare with this garbage. Have you been talking to my wife? This is exactly what my wife is doing. You're a father.

You're a father. You no longer need your comic book porn file cabinet. Guys, come on. This filing cabinet. It doesn't work. You can just buy a working filing cabinet. It still files. It still files. It's gone.

Guys, this filing cabinet's been through a lot. It's stood the test of time. The world's coming to an end. This thing could be like the fridge in the last Indiana Jones. You know, if everything goes to shit, Carl can just stack his whole family in there and avoid the apocalypse. Yeah, yeah.

There's four drawers, so there's one of us for each drawer. We could even have another kid and put it in that drawer. Yeah, no, the cat. By the way. Oh, the cat. The fact that there's four drawers is just also insane because I know you said it was big, but four drawers, that's like a principal filing cabinet. Yeah.

And the idea that your parents are probably like we should just throw this out but let's ask him to be nice and you're like well let me arrange a van i gotta get a truck for it i mean obviously i'll hire some movers the garbage it is garbage i just remembered another part of it that you'd enjoy because it was four there was four drawers right they had a little like slip where you could write in what was in each draw, right? So there was four levels, right? But it was nearly 100% Mad Magazines, right? It was nearly 100% Mad Magazines.

So the way I filed it was there was a couple of Spider-Man comics up the top and then a couple of other random comics down the bottom, and that was it for the whole thing. So I arranged it as A to M up the top for Amazing Spider-Man to Mad Magazine. Oh, yeah. And then M and then M again and then M again. And that was it. So I just said A to M to hold three copies of the Amazing Spider-Man plus Mad Magazines.

And then A to M, M, M and M. So three drawers worth of exclusively Mad Magazine. And one drawer. So wait, which drawer had the porn in it? The bottom drawer. Because no one would ever think to look down there. No one would ever think. Well, they'd open the first three and they'd be like,

well, I'm sure there's nothing else to see here. Well, he's definitely not whacking off from this. Yeah, well, it just ends at M. There's no P. So there's definitely not porn in here. Yeah, Yeah, well, there's no, it just ends at M. There's no P. So, like, there's definitely not porn in here. Yeah, that's smart. It's a perfect crime. That's really smart.

Yeah. I love the idea of you calling up the moving company to book the truck and you're like, okay, how much is this going to cost? It's a day driving down there. Okay, you need, it's like a three-person job. Now, I am going to have to vet the people that you put on this job, so we're going to need to organise a day where I can sit down and interview them. We can't just have anybody working on such a delicate case.

Do a background check. Exactly, because I don't know who, because the filing cabinets are locked anymore and I can't trust anyone. People can just open it whenever they want. Hey, look, now that Al Jaffe's gone, a lot of it's worth a lot of money. It's almost like it's not working anymore and you don't fucking need it anymore. Yeah, I don't know.

I was kind of for you moving it until Jen said that, Carl. It sort of does seem like it's just totally useless trash. You've really done a 180 since Jen said that. You're right. Well, I mean, she makes a good point. It's just like something that a big loser would do, like moving it into their home

where they have a child and a wife. But no filing cabinets. And so you should see Carl's Place, Gareth. There's just papers and shit everywhere. Comic books all over the floor. You wouldn't know. Porn everywhere. Receipts everywhere.

You wouldn't know where Spider-Man was within all the comic books I have in my house at the moment. You'd have to just go through every one of them. Relative to where the fucking Mad Magazine is. I love that as an organisational statement. It's's not mad magazine so it's in this yeah yeah it's not north yeah carl doesn't go by north he goes by mad magazine yeah everything else is yeah did you even have the mad magazines organized was it in like a chronological order oh it was put the order of just M's? You got one foot in and one foot out.

You're just hard to peg down. I did see that people... It started to become a time where collectors would... You didn't get laid. No. Collectors would have those hard plastic bags that they would put their comic books in. And I was like, oh yeah, I should do that that except in of course in marabou they don't

have does like hard plastic bags designed exclusively for comic books so what would happen was i would sneak sandwich bags out of my mum's like drawer and like my mum would always be like why is who's been eating like so many? There's no sandwich bag in this house anymore. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. Why couldn't you just get sandwich bag? Why couldn't you tell her that you were putting them in the sandwich? You already had a file cabinet.

I don't know. But she's like, gosh, we'll never figure out who's having all these sandwiches. It's the perfect crime because she couldn't open the filing cabinet because it was locked, so she couldn't find any sandwich bags. You have hundreds of dollars for file cabinets, but a box of

sandwich bags eludes you. And that's why I couldn't afford the sandwich bags. I was still paying off the fucking filing cabinet. Again, I'm not finding this that weird. I'm booking an session with my shrink after this. Did you have friends over and would you show them the filing cabinet? No, I'll answer that. No, he did not have friends over is the answer.

I got it. Carl, I'll handle this one. You can think of the next topic. Jen, to answer your question, at no point was anyone who was interested in being around Carl in that room. Right, Carl? That's when it was out on the farm, so it was a lot harder, as the kids would say, it was a lot harder to get out there because, you know, it's not in the town.

Yeah, that's what they were saying to you. Yeah, no kids hung out on the farm. Yeah, exactly. I would have loved to see. This is a time where kids wouldn't hang out with other kids, Jen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was too many scary animals out there. That's why they wouldn't hang out with other kids, Jess. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was too many scary animals out there. That's why they wouldn't hang out with you.

Yeah. It was no way. There was like big cows and sheep and, you know, like venomous animals like that. So they couldn't come out to the farm. You know, that's what that was like. It's too dangerous. Yeah.

I would have loved to see this mentality transfer itself into other parts of Carl's life. Like I just would have, imagine if you had to become like a wine guy and you've got this like beautiful wine cellar in your house, but then just like up the back behind like a beautifully aged like, you know, bottle of Savvy B, you've just got a copy of One Night in Paris. Yeah.

Inside a bottle with no label on the bottle? Yeah. Just scrunched into a beer. Why has this bottle got like a mouth on it it that's as big as a VHS? This is bizarre. That's not for drinking. Okay, so you've said to your parents that you need to get the truck down there to get the filing cabinet.

What did they say? Were they like, Carl, no? They were like, okay, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this, in fact, the worst episode of The Dollop that you've ever been on? It might be. It's one of the few where I don't want to hear the end.

I don't want to know where this goes. It's just funny. I feel like every time you come on this show, your show, The Dollop, is about these heinous historical events with famous people that everyone knows about and then you just come over here and you do a heinous story about this one weird guy that grew up in maribor that no one's ever heard of that has no importance on the rest of the world that has nothing to do you are you you are like a dollop generator. You just like, it's like we should do a podcast called The Boring Dollop, and it's just Carl's story.

And it's just stuff where I'm like, wait, what? And Carl's like, what? Oh, good Lord. The story's not about a guy doing stand-up in pajamas. It's about this joke. It's like, no, the man's the joke. Gareth's spending most of his week talking about like Richard Nixon and Ted Bundy is just training for the one time a year

that he hears a Carl story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just relentless. Everything Carl thinks is normal is bizarre. I'm open Mike Hitler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah.

With a better uniform. So let me ask. So let me ask this. So you've told your parents that you're going to get a truck to get the filing cabinet. Are you taking anything else? Like all your other possessions

that are there, have you just said to your parents, take them outside and set them on fire? I don't give a fuck about any of my other childhood possessions. I just want the...

Are you getting anything else or just the filing cabinet? Well, she... My mom is like... My mom is like, I think think like drunk the Kool-Aid because she's like, you've got to come up and get it. And you've got all that valuable stuff up here. And I'm like, I'm like, really? She's just trying to get you to do it.

Yeah. She's not. Look. Okay. Go ahead. Keep going. I just said that. I'm like, fuck.

That's I. Yeah. As you're saying that, I'm like, of course. Here's my impression of your parents when you say you're going to come get it alright well see you Saturday what's going on with him I know we really dropped the ball there didn't we

I shouldn't have smoked while I was pregnant I knew it I didn't this is what happens when you let when you let a filing cabinet raise your son this is the end result there was This is what happens when you let a filing cabinet raise your son. This is what happens. It is.

This is the end result. People are worried about drag queens. It's the fucking filing cabinet kids. This is a new version of the Jungle Book. Carl's in the garden just kicking a soccer ball with the file cabinet and they're like, this is not going to work. This is what happens when you don't buy a cot for your child you buy a filing cabinet and you just put one file that says under b and you put your baby in there yeah and she sleeps in there at night

so okay so okay so carl so you're gonna go get this piece of trash right my mom my mom rang me and said you've got to come and get it because it's got all sorts of really valuable stuff in it. And I was like, I'm like honestly saying to my mum, really? And she's like, yeah, you've got all these books and comic books and stuff in there. And they look really valuable because they're like in plastic bags. And, you know, so they're really well kept. By the way, I feel like I know where some of my sandwich bags went. Okay, and what do you say?

You say, yeah, yeah, let me arrange a mover. I'm like, yeah, I guess I have to now. But I'm saying to my mom, I'm pretty sure that they're not valuable. I don't think, like I think I'm going to have to come up and. I have a hunch. I don't think, like, I think I'm going to have to come up and. I have, I have a hunch. I agree. Which is your, I reckon your mom has found your porno

and cannot bring herself to deal with it. Oh, it doesn't want to touch it. And that's why she's like, you need to fucking come out. Yeah. She's like, yeah,

no, lots of important stuff. And she's like, I don't want to fucking, I don't want to find anything else in here so I'm going to get Carl to come out

something's going to fall out of it something's going to come out and she's not like she's put the CSI light on the filing cabinet and she's seen it

just absolutely glowing in the dark and gone I'm not touching this this has got I don't want to touch this this has got

34 year old cum on it I don't want to touch this people from the farms nearby recorded a UFO sighting when she set that blue light off that night. We've got the whole area on the 4th of July. Can I just also state that the filing cabinet's older than I am. Oh, my God.

Wow. I hate that. Okay. You need to get rid of it. All right. Get rid of need to get rid of it. All right. Get rid of the fucking filing cabinet, dude. Now I know the hierarchy if you two are ever on the show together. Yeah.

It's filing cabinet one, Jen Fricker two. I'll come on at the very end. Well, Jen, I've got to say, you told me you've never met your real father, and now that I'm looking at you, you're pretty rectangular, I've got to say. You're looking really grey. silvery. And pretty organised as well Carl, let that sink in for a second Carl. The file cabinet is older than Jen. And you're holding on to it. And my theory

is this. I'm a whole onto it. And my theory is this. I'm a whole person too. I have a whole life. Yeah. Well, don't rub Carl's face in it. He's not there yet. No, but I mean this filing. Oh, no.

The file camera. Oh. While I learned to walk, while I learned to speak, while I went to school, while I had my first kiss, there was just a filing cabinet sitting in your parents' house full of porn. Carl was beating off to Pam and Tommy. How did you get the porn? How many sandwich bags have you got inside you? Probably not many.

Carl, you're not allowed to ask that. How did you get the porno? How did you get the porn, Carl? Great question. Little beaded curtains up the back of Waddle Office. Waddle Office pornography. The back section, the beaded curtains.

Just me coming in a bit. As I turn like 18, they go, hey, enough about organisation. Now you can come through to a completely different room out the back. Come out here. Don't worry, it's still very organised. It's under P bad organization. Now you can come through to a completely different room out the back. Yep. Yep.

Come out here. Don't worry. It's still very organized. It's under P for Pamela. But come on out. I think you're old enough. It's only. These are all filed under P.

It's only $1,800 for this VHS of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee. Going on how much you paid for the filing cabinet. Yeah. It seems like you're from money. We'll cut you a special deal. Carl's rate. Yeah, don't. Oh, Carl, we're not just giving these to anybody. $3,000.

And then would you like some magic tissues? Here you go, boy. Yeah. This eliminates come from earth. It's $800 a box, my little Rube, our friend. How did you really get the porn, Carl? I'm really struggling to remember how I got it. I don't know how you would have gotten one in the city in that era, let alone.

Yeah. Would you buy it from a cow? Yeah. How did you get it? Yeah. I mean, a lot of pornography in the country is like found up the bush, like up in the trees and, you know, buried. Well, a lot of pornography is up the bush.

A poomsy bush. bush like up up in the trees and you know buried well a lot of pornographies up the bush you have no clue how you was this your first porn i i think so yeah wow yeah it was filed you don't remember how you got your first porn no that's crazy too because like trying to think of like it's just australia back whenever this, early 90s I'm guessing. Yeah. Like. No, no, no. This is like. Oh yeah, early 90s because it's Pamela. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. This would have been like pre-internet as well. You're in a rural fucking farm. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like there's no. Marabara's not big enough for a pornography shop or anything like that. Like I.

Yeah. But that doesn't matter. You remember the name of the store where you got the filing cabinet. You remember what the filing cabinet cost. You remember how you file things and you can't remember where you got your best porn.

I remember. What's crazy is that you care more about the file cabinet than the porn. You remember the price. You should literally be studied. You should literally be studied. You should have been studied. You should have put in a sandwich bag.

I can remember what happened on the porno if that helps. Okay, yeah, that does help. Sure, we'll take it. I mean, that's all we got, you weirdo. I mean, loosely. I remember the sort of, you know, things that would happen. Oh, come on, don't talk about it like that. No, I'm trying to think.

I think maybe it was my cousin maybe because my cousin was really into pornography. So maybe I got it off him. By the way, he's a teenager. You know, my cousin was a real weirdo. He wasn't filing his mad magazines. He was into porno. A bit of an outcast he was How does that come up

At a family catch up Your cousin just going like Just to let you in little cuz I love pornos Yeah I think maybe I freaking love porn Fuck I love porns

Carl Carl come over here I'm gonna tell you something You're saying that like First of all, Merry Christmas. Second of all, I fucking love porn. I pulled the Christmas cracker. The joke in here is really lame, so instead I'll tell you this.

I love porn. I fucking love jerking. Speaking of crackers... File under H for horny. File under J for jerking. File under O for having an orgasm. File under F for finished. File under S for having an orgasm. Oh, file under F for finished. Oh, file under S

for shame. Oh, file under F for forget about it. Speaking of crackers, I'll show you a couple of crackers. I'll open my filing cabinet and I'll show you

some stuff in here. Oh, yeah. Well, is that why you're like, he put a porn in and you're like, you think that's erotic. Look at this file cabinet.

When I fold the back of this mad magazine, it looks like a girl's butt. Look at that. Great. He's hacked the Al Jaffee. Don't fold it too crisply. Don't fold it too crisply, my friend. We want to keep it. That's right.

That's right. I don't put it in a sandwich bag for nothing. You've got to keep those mad magazines in good condition. You're right. I was a kid that didn't fold the fold-ins. I would keep the magazines for sale. You'd sort of like, for real, bend it and be like, I get the gist. I can see what's going on here.

Exactly. I'd do the hack. I'd do a really loose fold and go, I get it. The specificity of Mad Magazine is to fold the bag. Like, that's part of the enjoyment. Oh my god. This is the bit you're getting upset about. Carl! I'm sorry. Like, that's part of the enjoyment. Oh, my God. This is the bit you're getting upset about. Okay. Carl.

This is the mountain. I'm sorry. This is the hill that Jen's dying on. Okay. All right. I have empathy. Look, I have empathy for little freaks, of course, right? But, like, just enjoy the magazine that you're being a little freak about.

Like, what's the point of just – Carl, again. Are you, like, a fucking museum curator or some shit? Like, you're being a little freak about. Like, what's the point of just... Carl, again. Are you like a fucking museum curator or some shit? Like, you're there, you're like, oh, we have to respect the integrity of the original four. I would not have gotten the sort of money I'm about to get for that mad magazine with a parody of a fucking Top Gun, right? Yep.

That I would be getting now if i had folded the fold-in okay i could be getting upwards of two dollars for that copy right now that's my next question and i think i already know the sad answer but to you this was valuable the reason you were doing this is one day you were going to have a lot of money from it yes you did think that like one day you'd make millions yeah yeah yeah why wouldn't it be? What a cool magazine. It's got all sorts of funny drawings in it. This is only going to escalate in price. Yeah, the filing cabinet alone is worth $800

before you even get into what's in it. So you in your little head, you were like, oh, this is my nest egg. You were like, that's good for the future yeah oh so you weren't doing it for the love of filing you were doing it as an investment yeah this is you're a little business boy exactly yeah and when then when you lost the key when you lost the key were you like oh oh no my future yeah okay i'm understanding it i'm understanding it a bit i started still don't like it i started smoking crack immediately after I lost that key

because I'm like, that's gone forever. This was Carl's GFC. That's where it all went wrong. That's like going to the loo. That's like going to the loo and going to the toilets in the loo, wiping my ass and then looking down and going, oh my God, I've accidentally used a Mona Lisa to wipe my ass with. It's gone.

It's weird that they have it in the toilets. That's exactly what it's like. Yes. Yes, exactly what it's like. That's exactly what it's like. Yes. Yes, exactly what it's like. That is exactly what it's like. Yeah. I'm sure at some stage in the Louvre, someone's accidentally wiped their ass on the Mona Lisa

and gone, fuck, this is just like if you'd lost the key to the filing cabinet down Barry's hole. By the way, I just got an email, and the Louvre is actually suing you just for what you said. They're apparently really not okay with what you said. They think the comparison's awful. You lost the key.

Walk us through that. You come out of Barry's hole and you're like, oh my God. You must have been beside yourself. The other guys are like, why is this guy crying? Other guys.

Hey, Tommy, Jen. Other guys. Yeah. Good friends. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, Kyle. The filing cabinet guys. They're good friends. Go ahead, Carl. The filing cabinet he put in a bikini. I was like, yeah.

Hey, Carl. Not now, Becky. Oh, I named the filing cabinet. Okay, all right. Well, we've been gone for a while. It's only going to get weird. Yeah. Okay, so you come out of the little hall and you realize the key is gone.

What do you say? What do you do? You're freaking out. Yeah, I'm freaking out. I'm like, I just left. I've come out. I'm padding my shorts furiously. And I'm like, what do I do now?

I've lost my filing. Reason to live. I've lost my keys. And they're like, your keys to what? You live with your parents. You live at home. Just go home and knock on the door. I have a spare, but it's in the file cabinet under S. But I've lost my keys.

They're like, you live just over there. Your parents are home. It's fine. I'm like, yeah, but I've lost my other keys to my other things. Gentlemen, I have something to reveal that I've never told anyone. I'm a future billionaire. You see, for most of my childhood and I'm air quoting,

I've been collecting... Did you even have every issue of Mad Magazine? No. Of course not. So you had an incomplete sandwiched bagged Mad Magazine collection. Not only that, but as I was explaining to my mum, she's like, but you've secured all these magazines and comics. They're worth heaps aren't they that's what you were telling me and

i'm looking back at it and i'm going i was buying these comic books and magazines from like thrift stores from op shops that we call them here they were like old and tattered they had like prices written on the front with texter and then i was going home and like treating them like that was a sistine chapel and like that they were this precious artwork i'm gonna pull like they are worth less than they were 30 years ago 40 they're worth less now than they were back then and i've had them in a filing cabinet in plastic bags for 40 years they're worth if if they could lower in value they have carl i think what you need to do is get the

filing cabinet on the pod, obviously. Yeah. Get her side of the story. And then I think you need to set it on fire. I don't know if you can

set a filing cabinet on fire. I don't know if you can set metal on fire. What are you... Go ahead. Do you think we'd get away with...

How quickly do you think the cops would descend on us if we tried to do a live event where we push the filing cabinet off the Westgate? Oh, yeah. Man, honestly, if we pushed it into Barry's hole, it would be a lot easier. Yes.

It would be a lot easier. Yes. Reunited. Reunited with the key. Get the same manager from the pub to have to fucking drive out there and drag it over. He's the one guy. He's the one guy in Mirabar with the truck, so we have to use him. So yeah, we'll do that.

Imagine if I'd never met Carl, but I just have this memory of being a little kid and reading this tragic story about a young man who drowned in Barry's hole. I just pictured you in the Olympics. Trying to get a key. I just pictured you in the Olympics. Trying to get a key. I just pictured you in the Olympics winning the gold.

Yeah. What about this? We do this. Never met Carl. We do this. We go up. We get the filing cabinet. We push it off into Barry's hole.

It's a bad plan. We push it off into Barry's hole. It's like cow tipping, but with filing cabinets. Yeah. It's a country thing. So we tip the filing cabinet into Barry's hole, and then we sit back and we wait to see if we make the newspaper. Because, you know, it's a classic thing.

Who wants to break the news to Carl that you're not going to make the newspaper? You're still living in this world where the file cabinet has value. It is garbage. Are we doing this running away and then phoning in an anonymous tip off to the newspaper? Yes. Any reporter who's assigned to that story is quitting that publication.

No, I'm not doing that. They're jumping into Barry's hole. No, wait, the file cabinet. They're locking themselves into the cabinet. He's drowning himself. I think he just killed himself. He hugged the file cabinet and jumped down to the bottom. He's not coming up.

It will help you save on the moving van costs. If you're not going, you have to drive down there and then drive back to my place. It's just you're driving down the road to a swimming hole. If there's very little, you think of a small town newspaper, there's not much to fill it up. If there's a file cabinet You think of a small town newspaper, there's not much to fill it up. If there's a filing cabinet that goes into a hole, I think it'll make the paper. No, I don't think it'll make the paper.

I think you think that the newspaper is just another filing cabinet where you can just shove any old junk in and people will love it and it's absolutely not. I'm worried that you think that the whole world is a filing cabinet. If this makes the newspaper, you'll be so proud of what's happened

that you'll have to then get a new filing cabinet to file that newspaper. You'll swim down and get it. I finally have something to put in here with value. I've just realized what's been missing in my life for the last 10, 20 years, a filing cabinet. It's been at my parents' farm for all this time. I need a new filing cabinet. Where did it all go wrong? Is that why you guys have moved

away from the filing cabinet? Is that why you guys have been trying to tell me for the last hour? I think I get it. I need a new filing cabinet. We are saying that you're still living... No, I've been very clear. I've said no five times. You're still living in this file... You can't break its curse.

It has a hold on you where you're still receiving some kind of – You still believe Barry's curse. You still believe that it has some kind of value, and it has none. You're like admitting in every way it has no value except you can't actually put that in you can't like lock that into your head yeah yeah and and to add on to what my colleague is saying um it you need to kill it before it kills you that's what i think it's gonna happen here it's true that is true thank you i think this is i think there's a very good i think there's a very good chance that if you take this filing cabinet back into your life,

it's going to fall on you and crush you to death. This is a modern-day Sid and Nancy. This is like a really toxic relationship. Right, right. It's so toxic. Jen, let's say your significant other has this whole story, right? And it's like crazy and whatever. But then you hear that they're going

to bring this file cabinet into your home can you can you say filing cabinet once can you say filing just once and i'll drop it into all the other times that you say filing what what it's when you're not putting stuff in it what is it oh good point um it's got files in it it's a file cabinet you cabinet weirdos now i guess though because car when he was a kid constantly filing so it makes sense yeah yes yeah i had you all i mean i guess for you it was maybe a filing cabinet but a lot of people have like a moment where it's just sitting there when i walked in at 12 years old and i put down 1600 to buy this thing that sign on it said filing cabinet.

So please, a little bit of respect for the money. I'm sorry, can we all just get on board with the fact that Carl is trying to find someone to be weird in this story that's not him and it's sad, it's pathetic that because I've given it an action, you're like, hey buddy, what are you talking about? Anyway, so I had the key around my neck, and when I went in Barry's hole and I lost it with all the mad magazines that I bought from thrift stores. Jen, so he wants to bring it into your home.

What is your reaction? What do you say? So we are getting a divorce, and you will not have any visitation. You're filing for divorce. Oh, great. Great. Well well at least i've got something to put in there okay all right good the divorce i just moved in with my i just moved in with my boyfriend and by that i mean i got rid of all of his shit because i don't want it in my house

stuff that he probably like had a use for to some extent extent. Not this weird relic. Don't worry. It's been strongly told to me that when my mum said, I have to go up and sort things out, my wife said, look, sure, drive up there, but don't come back with anything. It's been very strongly laid down. Don't come back full stop. I'm glad she's a force. Good.

Don't come back. All right, I won't bring it back. Well, that's irrelevant. Do not come back You understand me? Fix the lock on the cabinet Put yourself in it And lock it

Be in the house When they demolish it Yeah Yeah Do not come back Your wife Explaining to your child Like where did daddy go?

He just went out To pick up his filing cabinet He's coming back Don't worry He went to a big filing cabinet In the sky Not sky Barry's hole.

I like to picture Carl's wife after this podcast. She's going to go, how was it, Carl? And I'll be like, it was hilarious. The American guy we had on kept calling the file cabinet the filing cabinet. You know my filing cabinet. We just relentlessly went after him the whole time. I mean, very strange behavior. Very bizarre.

Don't listen, but it was great. It was really great. Don't ever listen. And she's like, don't worry. Very bizarre. Don't listen, but it was great. It was really great. Don't ever listen. And she's like, don't worry, I won't. Well, Carl, that was a funny little aside that you brought up at the start of the podcast. And now for the rest of it. I'd love to hear the actual topics.

Not for my notes. Not for my notes. What else do you have on your list, Carl? We have to double double three files away. Unfortunately, we're going to have to bump you from your own show. I literally had five words and we didn't get to any of them. Just five words. I haven't mentioned one of them.

We got to two-fifths of them. Filing cabinet. No, that wasn't on the list. Let's be clear. All right, well, we'd better wrap it up there for another week. Gareth Reynolds, Jen Fricker, thank you for joining us. Let's file that episode away and never speak of the contents of it again. Jen Fricker, have you got things you would care to plug?

I've got a couple of things that... Hold up. Oh, shit. I think my theme paper stopped recording. This is like monitor on? Monitor on. I've been getting this as a backup. We're alright. Okay, cool, cool, cool, cool.

I've got a couple of things coming up I can't announce yet, but if you just follow me on social media, Jen Fricker, then you'll find out. Okay. You're the new face of Waddle Office Supplies? Yeah. And we sell only to children.

Carl goes in there in a little boy outfit. Hello! I'm interested in borrowing a file, can't I? I've come here to find the love of my life Sorry, I mean a file Honestly, I'm for the first time picturing a child walking into an office

supply store with money It's insane It's not even my fault It's the fault of the people who work there They shouldn't sell to someone that young No, again, Carl, again You are looking at everyone else like they're crazy. Look in the goddamn mirror.

This is you. Those people there were like, I mean, I guess we'll take his money. And you're looking back like, can you imagine? I would look in the mirror, but they were too expensive in bottle office supplies. I'd already sunk all my money into the buying cabinet. They probably talked about you. That whole group, for the rest of their time working, they were like, I mean, what do you think? Do you really

think it was for him? I told you my theory. It was for him, but he had a problem. Have they actually seen his family, or do you think he's just filing their body parts? No way as a family. No way as a family. He was probably putting dog organs in it. There's probably a true crime podcast

out there right now that the people who worked in that store have done where they're trying to figure out what happened to the phone cabinet. I'm doing it. I'm doing that podcast. So yeah, you can listen to me on that podcast which is a train wreck. And then

I like the way Jen did that. I have a couple exciting things but I can't necessarily say but keep your eye I'm at Reynolds Gareth on social media and I'll probably be coming over there shortly and oh and then I listen to the dollop and then I have a new podcast

I'm starting with my buddy Jake that is called Here to Help We're Here to Help and it's basically a call-in problem show so if you have a problem... Oh, what's the number? I've actually got some moving problems. I might need to...

That would be cool. You're not allowed to call. What's the number again? You can email heretohelp at gmail.com. But Carl, I'm not kidding. Do not get anywhere near... Although you probably don't even know how to send an email. You just probably put your thoughts in a file

and throw it out the window. Although you probably don't even know how to send an email. You just probably put your thoughts in a file and throw it out the window. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See ya. And they've done it again.

Bernie's cleared out a big one. He's kicked a big one into Barry's hole. Yep. That's what he's done. He's lost his ball down the bottom of Barry's hole. Yep. And he's lost the keys to the ball as well. Yep.

Fun app. We didn't get much into anything else except no we got a uh an offhand detail and then uh that was it for the next hour actually before we started the app i was off air we were saying i'd said to gareth oh look i just come back from thailand and i shit the bed he's like well that's all we'll be talking about for an hour i said no we've already talked about this i don't care about that that's what i want to talk about. I'm like, okay. And then it turned into that instead. Yeah. It was also us kind of booking that thinking like,

oh, let's, you know, do something a bit different. These people are never really in town. And then as we got on the call, they were both like, hey, we're going to be in Melbourne pretty soon. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I guess maybe you'll be hearing those two on the show at some stage again in the near future.

Nothing wrong with that. Yeah, not in the next week or anything. Well, and hey, even if it was, great guests. Yeah. And also, like, yeah, we have other cunts on all the time. Yeah. That's fine. Very funny.

I hope you guys – it feels like a very dumb, dumb episode. Yeah. It feels like one of those eps we'll be hearing about at the end of the year in the best ofs, I reckon. Yeah. When it's a nice little focused episode. You guys love that shit. Instead of just, oh, what else is happening? Yeah.

That was fun. I'm sure we'll be talking more in the um in the upcoming weeks about um me leaving my childhood home for good yeah no more link to maryborough that means so they're leaving maryborough yeah we didn't well i mean yeah as we said we didn't even get into any of the particulars of yeah yeah what this move actually we didn't get beyond me going to my bedroom and there being a filing cabinet there. Yep, yep. So that's that, but we'll get into that later.

I mean, we didn't even get to that. We were more focused on the origins of you buying. Yes. Like we went back in time. Yes. We're, you know, decades away from even hearing that the house has been sold. Young Sheldon, young Chandler style.

Yep. So they have, the house has been sold? No, no, no. Or they're... No. Right right but we'll get into it okay into it later all right further episodes i'm sure uh what a real cliffhanger um let's clear up some business that i think's probably uh maybe this is a good spot for it rather than a normal episode maybe this is better for me and you to work out rather than other people um i don't know if you saw this message uh tommy daslo we got

messaged by someone on patreon one of you patreon subscribers um now we talked about months ago about um the least successful piece of merchandise that we've ever put out i got milan t-shirt yep yep uh that become a bit of a telethon for that shirt a couple of you know a couple of months back on the on the show um we reduced the price of it that got a lot of uh you people out out this uh sniffed a lot of you guys out um and so we've sold some still plenty to go we we've had a bid how much do you want for the lot oh okay a listener of the show says the message how much do you want for the lot? Oh, okay. A listener of the show says the message. How much do you want for the lot? I said, this is very funny.

Why and how? He said, you guys need to move that merch. It's dead stock, right? Well, as a friend of the show, I'll take it off your hands. I'll be keeping some for myself. They're actually really good quality, which they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And giving some out to my friends who are going to smile, say thank you and wonder what the fuck this is.

Yep. And some others might be destined for an evil plan. Best you maintain deniability. But seriously, what are you asking? I mean, I've blown a lot of money on a night out. Why not help you out? Plus, with none left, they might become a collector's item. Yep.

Okay. So this is a this is a a good idea and plus he says I've got some I can get some satisfaction knowing that Blanket

doesn't sleep in a storage room anymore. Yep. Yep. Yep. That's what I was going to say. We could do you know that what's that show

Storage Wars? Yes. We like that could be an option we just like put them in a storage locker then we just default

on the payments. Yeah. Oh yeah locker then we just default on the payments yeah maybe we show up on a show where someone like right pries the locker open it's like what the fuck is this it's like a message in a bottle you just leave it in a storage locker don't pay for it and then wonder where it turns up next yeah instead of chucking a message into the ocean and just hoping someone replies so just in the in the of shirts, just put a note saying, when you get this, ring this number. Yep. 0438. Yeah, exactly.

Yep. Yep. Yeah, that's funny. Congratulations. You've just won. Yes. A guest spot on a podcast. Yes.

So, okay. So what are we working out? How much we want for the lot? Well, look, he's put the bid and gone. Oh, okay, so what are we working out? How much we want for the lot? Well, look, he's put the bid and gone. Well, you know, what we're selling, what we've discounted it for, the heavily discounted price, he's happy to pay that for the job lot of it. So he'll pay the, right,

so he doesn't want any lower than that per unit? Yes, just the discounted price. Discounted price times whatever we've got left. Yes. Okay. Now, I think that's cool. Now, the options I think we've got are, yes, that's it. Yep.

But also, I mean, do we sneakily keep a couple up our sleeve? Because all of a sudden, they're all out. And we go from from we pivot from guys we've discounted this heavily it's only 15 for a shirt it's less than what we bought them for yeah um two and we've only got two left maybe they're 100 bucks each guys yeah this is this is the definition of having your cake and eating it too. Yes. Or possibly, do we even help this guy out and go, you know what? Yeah, we'll sell them all. But we leave them on our website and go, yeah, if you want any of these, hit this guy up.

You can deal with the money with this guy. It's not our problem anymore. Yeah, he might be wanting to make some of that money back by selling them. Well, I want to know what yeah i do with like like i mean without counting him i reckon maybe we've got 50 left okay so he what's he doing what's something like what are we doing with 50 i got milan t-shirts what's this guy doing with 50 that's a fair yeah i mean assuming he keeps yeah keeps a couple for just like you know around the house um you know maybe like paj pajama, you know, sleeps in one of them.

Yeah, yeah. So let's say you maybe keep three. And they're all varying sizes, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's assume that this guy, like at best, this guy is a small and then he can have a baggy. Have a baggy one for summer nights. We've got rid of our extra big sizes. Exercise in one. We've got from small to XL.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we've got left. Well, let's say he hangs on to three. Let's say generously he's got ten mates he's given them off to. That's generous for a podcast listener. That leaves him with, yeah, 37 more for whatever this plan is. I want to know more about the plan, honestly. I know he's trying to give us plausible deniability.

I don't think he's got – I think he's just saying that. Like, what sort of plan can you have? Unless you're going to do one of those ones like Point Break where you all dress up as, like, like you know dead presidents and rob a bank what are you all going to dress up as oh yeah fucking i got maligned is there a um i wonder if there's like a is there some place in the world you know like south australia you can take your bottles get like 10 you cans and get 10 cents there's a t-shirt recycling plant yeah yeah the we don't know about that pays like 40 bucks a pop yeah he's gonna drive across the nullabor

and cash in yeah yeah um i would like to i would like to get one in a um op shop just to see what what the you know if they can sell it i would love to put one in op shop then go this is all yours yep but i'm we need to track it please is that possible you just sew an air tag into it yeah yeah i wonder i i wonder he could be launching something you know like if someone has a tattoo they don't like or it's like an ex's name or whatever and then they get a new design over the top of it but they'll try and you know the sort of rather than just to be a big black bar over what they have they'll try and incorporate the old design into it right maybe this guy has his own t-shirt idea that he's just

going to print over the top of these over the top on a black of a little martini glass so he's got you know he's he just like takes in. He keeps the martini glass. He's saving on that bit of the print. And he's just got like some kind of like big bar goes over the Milan text. Oh, maybe he's opening up a cocktail bar called I Got Milan. Oh. This is just cheaper to get these already existing T-shirts printed like this. Could be.

Or if you had like an indoor soccer team or something and you just call yourself, I got Milan'd and then here you go. Here's your uniform all ready for you. That's good. There's 50 of them, which means let's say there's five, it's five a side, indoor soccer team. So let's say, again, generously, let's say 10 per team because you've got, you know, fill-ins and whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could franchise an indoor soccer team, a futsal team, between five states. Yeah. He could have one in Victoria, New South Wales, Queensland, South Australia, WA. Yep. He could win champion. Maybe this is the grand plan. He could win.

It's like the Saudis taking over soccer at the moment. Sure. He's just going to have a franchise of clubs all throughout Australia called I Got My Land. Yeah. And take over the futsal leagues in this country. Yeah. And look, I'll be honest, if you can do that,

plaudits to you because these are good shirts, but I don't think they're good. Not breathable. Athletic shirts. Not good for exercising. No, no. It's like when you see someone running in just like a straight up up or like there'll be someone at the gym that's just wearing just like a t-shirt oh my god they got like a band shirt and it's like oh that just looks awful

there's not really much i've i've always thought about talking this on a regular but i don't think there's anywhere to go with it but i'll tell you this one of my favorite things is going to the gym and finding, pretty much there's always an older guy, but just having him go, yep, you know what, I'm going to the gym from now on, but I am not buying any clothes that are going to help me out. I'm going to the gym and I'm wearing a collared shirt with slacks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just wearing the exact same thing. Yeah, I'm exercising in a lacoste

polo that i've clearly had for like 40 years it's all sun damaged not only that they're they're they're working out and maybe maybe this is like a lot different to the gym you go to because of where i live and where you live but they are going there in slacks they're going there in whatever they were going to wear no matter what happened today today. Yeah, I've got to be honest. I realized the other day, depressingly, I'm in the upper echelon of oldest people at my gym. Right. Just looking at it like there's maybe like one or two.

Come over to Hawthorne Gym, baby. I'm a babe in the woods. There's the odd kind of like proper old guy that comes in, but like every now and then I'll look around the room and be like, oh, I'm the old guy. Yeah. Yeah. Rough.

Yeah. No, well, come over. Get your chinos on and come over to my gym and get on the treadmill. My exercise khakis. Yeah. Well, look, maybe we should be talking about this on a main app because these are all good ideas for this guy buying our dead stock. So what are the options?

Yeah, we hang on to one or two, sell all of these to this guy, or yeah, now that we've listed some good ideas, maybe we'll get some other bidders. Maybe people will go like, hey, that soccer team thing, that actually sounds like listed some good ideas, maybe we'll get some other bidders. Maybe people will go like, Hey, that soccer team thing. That actually sounds like a good idea. Yeah.

I'll offer you a dollar more per unit than what this guy is. Oh, look, I'm, you know, I'm happy to stick with this guy. This guy is like, you know,

he's come up with the idea. I don't want to, I don't want to piss around about a dollar or two here. It's a crazy, it's a crazy offer. Yes. I don't think we're going to find anyone crazier than this no no another offer i and i like and i'm i've been

i've said to him yep we can we can do it i just need to give you a cost but because the postage is a thing well that yeah where is this guy i've never he's in new south wales okay i've never sent like i i send out one shirt two shirts three shirts all the time but i've never sent i've never he's in new south wales okay i've never sent like i send out one shirt two shirts three shirts all the time but i've never sent i've never sent a box of something in the mail i don't know what that costs yeah so i've been really putting off the idea of lugging this box of fucking shirts up to my weird post office yeah and going how much is this going to cost to post i don't know how much this is going to be. That's going to be a fair expense to him, I reckon. Yeah.

I mean, look, it wouldn't cost more than $50, I reckon. Surely, would it? Easily. Oh, is that what it's going to cost? I reckon it'll be more than $50. Is it? For a full box, for a heavy box of 50 shirts. Okay, maybe it is.

Like one, you know, one thing can be like $10. Yeah, but that's like saying, well, one Mars bar costs this much, but then when you buy 10 of them, oh, it's like, oh, that's a lot cheaper. Like, we're going to get a discount. No, but it's going by weight. And also the post office is fucked. All right. I'll go up today.

I'll put it on my list. I wrote my to-do list today. I mean, you might not even need to lug it up. You could probably just get a ballpark if you were like... Nah. I already put myself in that head of going, I'm going to walk into a post office and go, how much does it cost to send a big box of shirts?

And then go, how big's the box? How much does it weigh? I don't know. Yeah. Well, the answer is, I don't know either, you fucking idiot. Well, you've got scales here, right? You could weigh the box.

I think there's a way you can look it up on the Auspost website if you put in the weight. They'll do the calculation for you there. All right. So you'll at least be able to get like a vague ballpark.

Yeah. Okay. Look, I'm just going to bring it up there. I'm going to be in no doubt. I'm going to put them all in the box. I'm going to go up there

and get away and figure it out. All right. Then we'll find out. So really, we've just got to, I mean, I reckon maybe we sneak a couple of, as much as it goes against all common sense, I think we keep a couple of them. We skim a couple off the top. Yeah.

Yeah. Just to make sure. We shortchange this guy. Just to make sure all of a sudden this guy, something happens, you know, Milan becomes, you know, puts out some sort of hit single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Becomes the most popular person in Australia. Yeah.

And all of a sudden, this was... We've still got something. We've, you know, all of a sudden, we've lost these shirts. It's like, oh my God, these are the biggest collector's items of all time. Yeah. And they just slip through our fingers. Mm. We're fucking idiots.

We'll kick ourselves forever. Yeah. Well, good ad for getting on the Patreon. an idiot. We'll kick ourselves forever. Yeah. Well, good ad for getting on the Patreon. You can have direct communication with us about buying things in our storage cupboards.

Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub You get two bonus mini episodes every week with special guests and yeah, you can communicate with us and you go into the drawer to get your name read out and immortalised at the end of an episode of Little Dum Dum Club. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber first cab off the rank this week.

Thank you to Aaron Lee. Aaron Lee. L-E-I-G-H, that is. Ooh, okay. We're doing them alphabetically this week, I presume. Okay. At least for the first two. Yep.

The next person's called Baron. Alphabetically... We're doing them alphabetically this week, I presume. Okay. At least for the first two. Yep. Unless... Next person's called Baron. Yeah, well, yeah. Unless we get someone called Aardvark next, I believe this is going to be alphabetical. Great. Yeah. Aaron Lee.

Aaron Lee. Hmm. Don't know about the name Aaron, honestly. It is a... We've probably talked about this before, but there is an unnecessary amount of A's in there. I mean, it is really someone insisting on being first in the baby name book. Yeah.

Look, honestly, I'm going to say you see it written down. It looks like shit. You hear it out loud. It sounds like shit. Aaron. Aaron. Yeah. You can get away with 1A. Yeah.

Let's be honest. You're wasting a vowel. The difference is negligible. Yeah. That name wouldn't be pronounced any differently if it just had the 1A. Do you go, would you? Aaron. So would you, if you were an Aaron, would you just disvow it?

Would you be so ashamed of the wastage of vows there and just go with Ronnie? Oh, yeah. Probably. Yeah. Ronnie Allsop. Ronnie. Aaron Allsop. Aaron Allsop.

That sucks. Yeah. That's a bad name. That's a shit name. Yeah. Yeah. Don't name your firstborn that. Yeah. That's a bad name. That's a shit name. Yeah. Yeah, don't name your firstborn that. No. Even if it's a girl.

Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. Veronica Alsop. What about that? That's a good name. Where'd that come from? I just thought of Ron, Ronnie, Veronica. Oh, okay.

Veronica Alsop. Yeah. Yeah, I could see myself rolling that out. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon you should change your name to that. Yeah. That would be good. Yeah. Yeah, I could see myself rolling that out. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon you should change your name to that. Yeah.

That would be good. Yeah. Veronica Alsop. That Veronica Alsop. That's good. Aronald. Aron. Could you extend your name if you're Aaron to Aronald?

Aronald. Yeah. I guess you could. and then you can abbreviate it to Ronnie Arnold my name is Arnold Arnold yeah a Ronald all stop yeah I like that yep what about just like if you can be if you, you're Ronnie, can you be a Ronnie? Can that be a nickname if your name's Aaron? I mean, I don't know why you're asking me. I think you seem to have forgotten this isn't my name. Okay.

This is all questions for the great man himself, which I'm sure we'll hear from him. It's a question because I don't know the answer and I'm just hoping someone else does. And you're someone else.'s how i mean i've never really engaged with too many thought exercises about the name aaron because as discussed i hate it right i don't think anyone's really disseminated names more than us on this show and thought of all the possibilities of names that's a good point yeah i don't think there's anyone who's discussed names more in their life than the two of us. Yes. Even the people who work on those like baby naming books or whatever.

Yeah. Even the phone book people. Yes. They're just like writing them out. Yes. They're not having to then write like a page of riffs about each name in the phone book. Yes. Which, that would be good.

It would be... That would be a good way to ensure that people still want the hard copy phone book. Yes. Which, that would be good. It would be... That would be a good way to ensure that people still want the hard copy phone book. If you had to name five things that have come out of this podcast, like if you saw the gravestone or the... Not even the gravestone. More the... Like if a TV news channel, if a news program had to write up the obituary of this show, if they thought, if they listened to, say this episode went, fuck, this is on us last

weeks, we better write up the obituary right now. Sure. What would you say are the positive things that have come out of this podcast? The amount of time put into thinking about, you know, names and what they're capable of. Yeah. Would you say that's one of them? Do you mean like on a broad grand scale? Yes.

Like what we've done for the world? Yes. Yeah, I guess we've probably got, yeah, we've got people to think about their names in a different way. We've normalized bullying. Yes. We've given white men a much needed platform. Mm-hmm.

Um, that's three. Uh, we've got a lot more, uh, white young to middle-aged men to Southeast Asia. Yep. Which that was pretty unexplored before. They hadn't really tapped into that market yet. Yeah. That's something. Yeah.

Um, yeah. What else? what else have we done for the community we only need one more thing yeah comedy we've normalized public shitting oh yeah we've made people feel less ashamed about incontinence yes okay well that'll do that's fine yeah yeah all right that's great i bought my travel insurance yesterday, and they have the list of – they ask you, do you have any medical conditions? Here's a list of stuff that you don't need to let us know about because they're covered under the umbrella of your insurance. Yeah.

Right? So if you have this issue, that's covered. Don't worry about it. Right. And one of them is incontinence. Right. And it's just like, what claim are you making overseas involving like pissing or shitting yourself in the street well you're getting home and you're like yeah that laundry bill uh at the hotel for my soiled

underpants well claiming that back on insurance i was living it i was i was there and you know when i was like when i had gastro over there and people were like, yeah, this is what insurance is for, travel insurance. Just go up to the hospital and, you know, get it all fixed up and you can claim it. And then I was reading stuff online going, it's not happening, by the way. If you go to the hospital, they're not fucking around with insurance. They're going, yeah, no worries. I'll give you the jab and it'll fix you up. But I'll have the cash now, thanks.

Yeah, no, you, yeah, all that stuff you have to do when you get back. Yeah. But I'm saying incontinence is a pre-existing condition. I'm incapable of leaving the house without pissing myself. What are you claiming? How is that affecting you on a holiday where then you're needing to be reimbursed when you get home? Let us know.

Let us know if you've ever claimed the cost of soiled underpants on travel insurance. I'm currently chasing up my wife, trying to chase her insurance claim up because what happened was on the way back, they cancelled one of her flights. So then she was pretty distraught and I paid for her. I just went, here's a bunch of money, I'll pay for your flight home. And then when she got home, I realized, oh, yeah, we can claim that on insurance, but she has to claim it on her insurance. And so I'm like, can you claim that now, get that money back?

And she's sort of like pretty lackadaisical about it because, like, in her head she sort of claimed, you know, she didn't have to pay for that flight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Daddy Warbucks paid for that one. Yep. Why do I need to claim for it? It's like, so I can get that money back? that okay yeah so that's and also you paid for the insurance to be able to get

money back yes like it's almost like a way you know it's that thing where i mean every time i travel now i get travel insurance because like why wouldn't you it's just part of the package but i remember being like younger and traveling and you need to stretch like you know you've got money in your account and you're going away with that money and that's all you've got yeah and being like well i mean that's just a waste of a couple hundred bucks like i'll just be careful while i'm over there yes you know that's that's less drinking money over there yes that's like a real turning point in your life where you're like well no you get the you get the insurance but you you've sort of like there is a part of you that does hope like

yeah i kind of hope they do lose a bag so i get to yeah get to feel like i've you know made the right call here yeah yeah well anyway i'm i'm i'm hoping to get some of that money back but i'm hoping to get don't say a name insurance that's basically what i'm chasing at the moment i'm chasing the the wife insurance um thanks aaron lee thanks aaron lee thanks aaron um thank you very much to patreon subscriber adam noonan there we go alphabetical still boom oh yeah aaron and adam noonan i like that name do you hmm well there we go you've got the double vowels in a row in a row where they should be in the middle of something, not at the start of something. Yeah.

So, like, Aaron, take one A out. It's Aaron. Noonan, take one O out. It's Nonan. Big difference. Yeah, yeah. Big difference. Yep.

That's what double vowels are made for, to be in a sandwich, in an N sandwich. Yeah. Significantly alter the landscape of the word. That's what double vowels are for, you fucking idiot, Aaron. Also, Adam is like a punched up Aaron. It really is. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a really fine-tuned version of Aaron. Yeah, I reckon Aaron's just someone back in the day having misheard Adam. Yes. Windy day. Yeah. A bit of shouting across a field. Drunk. Yes. Windy day. Yeah. You know, shouting across the field. Drunk. Someone drunk.

My name's Aaron. Yeah. Aaron? What? Is that like Adam? Is that Adam? Yeah. Yeah, I said Aaron.

Okay, I guess that's a new name. Mm-hmm. Aaron is a drunk Adam. It is. That's good. That is good. That's a good realisation. That's where it came from.

That's going to be on the news. That's the genesis. These guys figured it out. When we die, that's part of what will be on. They're the ones that discover that Aaron is a drunk Adam. Yep. Yep. That's good.

Yeah. Put that on our new jingle at the start of the show. Yeah. Yeah, Noonan. Noonan's fine. I. Yeah, Noonan. Noonan's fine. I can live with Noonan. I don't think I'd particularly like to walk around with that. I feel like Noonan's got something in it where I feel like I could be bullied with that name

somehow at school. There's something in that somewhere. Yeah. You've just reminded me. I guess we will have had the new jingle at the start of this episode, right? Did we? Yeah. We talked about it last week.

No, maybe we should leave it until next week so that we can talk about it. Okay. Yeah. During the app. Okay. We'll play it at the start of the app. Play it for the guests. Yes.

And then talk about it. Yes. Okay. All right. Yeah. We'll do that. So just if you were wondering where it went yeah this week well to be honest guys a bit of behind the curtain but we did record these in opposite order yeah yep so this this this one is older than last week's one yep how's that but i

i think by the time people hear it it's aged like a fine wine that's what happens when you stick around and listen to talk talking dumb dumb You hear some cool facts like that. Behind the scenes, yeah. Yeah. Non-chronological order. You get the director's commentary, behind the scenes featurette, and deleted scenes all in one. Yes.

What else do you get? We're recording this at my place. Yep. Not Tommy's place. Dare I ask, Tommy, what's the lunch plan? It's one o'clock. Probably just leftovers when I get home. Not too hungry, I've got to be honest.

Really? Yeah. How many hours without food? Did you have breakfast? No. I had dinner at six last night. Oh, it's one o'clock now. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. That's a lot of hours. I'm not getting hungry lately. That's 19 hours, Tommy. Got no, my appetite has, yeah, not really been, not really been bothering me of late. Oh, okay. I reckon I'm on, if it's one o'clock now, I reckon I ate at nine o'clock. I was a bit naughty last night.

So I'm sitting on 16 hours right now. I had a steak for dinner. It was fucking good. Well, thanks, Adam Noonan. Thanks, Noonan. You are, yeah, just a better version. This is like an evolution. Yeah, yeah.

What's the next? We've gone from fully hunched over to sort of standing up a little bit. Are we fully upright with this next name? Are we fully out of the water? Yeah. Unfortunately not. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Howie.

Okay. Yeah. That's it? That's it. Yeah, we've gone backwards. Yeah. We're a tadpole. We're a tadpole that can't swim.

We're a blind tadpole. Tadpole that drowned. Yeah. No gills have developed. Just straight to the bottom of the ocean. Howie, now I don't know whether this is a reference to that being your nickname that you self-nicknamed yourself. Yeah.

My middle name, Howie. Miss Howard. Yeah you self nicknamed yourself yeah my middle my middle name howard yeah you nicknamed yourself howie um i have seen the email address of this person and i don't really see any reference to this person um yeah needing the nickname Howie. Okay. This is just a little reference to me. Might be a reference to you. We did this live thing the other day for Filthy Casuals, my video games podcast, where we were playing games online with listeners. And we did this thing where we were like,

here's the game we're playing. Here's the website. Everyone just get on and sign up. And so see people like logging on with their like usernames that they might use for playing games online one guy gets on with the username thomas also up 1986 it's just like wow the ultimate cosplay my full name and my year of birth it's like that's so specific yeah not just like oh dude i'm. Not just like, oh, duh, I'm Dasolo. Just like straight up, full legal name.

Great. Year of birth. Great. Yeah, my username is this podcaster's passport number. Yes. I like that. Yeah.

I did put it on the socials weeks ago. I was in Thailand. I brought my passport into the ocean and uh it's funny because i was just like i thought the funny thing of it was because i sat i it was in my pocket i went in the ocean and then i sort of was like oh fuck it's in there and i pulled it out i didn't want to get out of the ocean so i just sat in the ocean for like an hour but with my hand above the water with my passport in it and i was like oh that's just funny that i have to sit here for an hour like this but of course everyone else was like

oh you fucked your passport your passport's fucked now and i'm like no no it's not it's not fucked i just brought in the water for like a couple of seconds or whatever but that was the thing everyone's concentrating on because everyone's like fuck as soon as you fuck your passport a tiny bit doesn't work anymore and i didn't think about that at all. But, of course, if I had a thought about that, I should have just sat in the ocean for ages. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think my wife was like going, are you setting yourself up for a reason to not come home? Is this what this is?

That just sounds so made up. Yeah, yeah. It sounded like I was self-sabotaging on purpose. It's like, yeah, like, is this the next stage? Instead of just sort of like at the last minute saying to me, oh, I forgot to tell you, I've got a podcast festival to go to. I've got a gig in Bangkok to go to. It's just me going, I brought my passport in the water and now I can never come home. I brought my birth certificate over with me and accidentally burnt it at the full moon party.

I wanted to be... I had it in my back pocket and I was jumping through one of those rope fires. Yeah. I burnt everything that ties me to Australia. Yeah, I wanted to be really safe so I bought a full hundred points of ID with me in case I needed to go to the consulate

and get a new passport and they all fell out the window. Yeah. It's really weird. And I had some money in my other pocket and it bought a house here. Yeah. And now I have to live here. So clumsy.

Oh, my God. I had to get a new passport last year and was filling out some visa stuff last night and was just like, what a shame. Because I used to know my passport number off by heart. Oh, did you? Yeah. I just had, what a shame. Because I used to know my passport number off by heart. Oh, did you? Yeah. I just had committed it to memory. It was a great feeling to be coming into a country and filling out the passenger card

and not having to fuck around, get into my bag and get the passport out. And yeah, we were doing stuff last night and I was like, my girlfriend was like, what's your passport number? And I was like, oh, hang on. And then just as I'm like reading it, I'm like, this new one sucks. You know what I mean?

Like, I felt really attached to my old one. Yeah. I felt like it was really like. What's your old one? That's not wise to say. Oh, isn't it? I'm sure it's not. Give us a few numbers in a row.

Five. That's one. Seven. Okay. Thanks. five that's one seven okay thanks i feel like you always think like something in the past is like you're still like you're fine but then i swear i've like i think i like mentioned an old address on here once and like a bunch of people were like even an old like you know what i mean people can still fuck with your identity and stuff. I don't know what my passport number is, but I've got a feeling I've got a 997 in there somewhere.

That's pretty good. Yeah. It's all right. It's all right. That's the thing that stuck with me. Yeah. That's not bad. Well, thanks, Howie.

Thanks for just giving that bit in there that I don't believe is even your name. I mean, I don't really know what you get out of that. You've sunk money into this. I like to think some people feel a bit of reward by having their name read out. They're looking forward to that. Yeah. But this guy's just gone, well, this is sort of you. Well, you either want like, yeah, you either want you to feel, yourself to feel thanked

or it's like, let's see what they, you know, you feel like you've challenged us in some way. Yeah. Right. I've put these guys through their paces yeah um thanks howie thank you very much i mean this it that could be your name i don't know we could be complete for the first time ever on this show we could be completely wrong yep um so we were starting to stand upright we reverted all the way back to tadpole status having said that said that. Where are we from here? We are still alphabetical. That's true, we are.

Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. We've done it again. Lockie Hanrahan. Lockie Hanrahan. A-A-H-L. Yeah. Four in a row.

Hanrahan, Lockie Hanrahan, I reckon is like we've skipped so far forward from Tadpole. I reckon we're walking upright at this point. Right. I mean, Hanrahan. Hanrahan. Boy, you think that's a super developed name. Yeah. Hanrahan.

To me, it feels like there's a lot of letters there that could be used better. I wonder if this is like back in the day. Is it like, is it just someone, it's like a different name, but it's someone with a stutter and they just couldn't get past the first bit. Hanrahan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a drunk person like before. It's a nervous person.

Yeah. Can you imagine being called Aaron Hanrahan? Aaron Hanrahan. Aaron Hanrahan. Hey, there you go, Lockie. If you've never liked your name, if you've never liked the name Lachlan, think about how much worse it could be. Lachlan Hanrahan. Aaron Hanrahan.

If you have a kid and as the kid comes out, you go, that kid looks annoying. Well, get your own back already one second into its life. Boom. Aaron. Aaron Hanrahan. Aaron. Yep.

And then you go, oh, it's a girl. You go, good. Hannah. That's even. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan. That's actually better than Aaron Hanrahan. That actually is.

That actually sounds cool. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan is like. That's kind of like a, that's like a famous person name, like in a TV cool. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan is like, that's kind of like a, that's like a famous person name like in a TV show. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan.

Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan. Okay, I thought I'd blow it by now, but that's actually doable. Yep. It's not advisable, but it's doable. Yep.

Yeah. Aaron Hanrahan. That's more annoying. Yeah. Lockie's fine. Lockie's a good name. I like's doable. Yeah. Yeah. Aaron Hanrahan. That's more annoying. Yeah. Lockie's fine. Lockie's a good name. I like Lockie. Yeah, I like it.

I like it. Cool name. I got a friend called Lockie, and I knew him for years, but I'd never seen his name written down. And then I saw it written down, and then I didn't like it as much. Because his name was Lockie, but it was L-O-Q-U-I. Yeah, that's rough. Yeah.

Loki. Yeah. Actually, now that I'm saying that. That's fucked. It's fucked, but not only that. I just realized maybe that's like, you know, when people have a fake name on Facebook. I don't know if that's just a Facebook name or whether that's a... There's no way. That can't be a real name.

Can that be a name? I don't know. I mean, it does reek of... Is this person your age? Roundabout. Roundabout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's too like...

If that was like a little kid now, I'd believe it is like a, you know, that real like Bogan thing of just like spelling the name all fucked up. Yeah. But around your age is like probably a bit too old for that to be, you know, that's like a bit too far back. I don't really think that was a thing until like relatively recently. Yeah, maybe you're right. Now that I'm thinking about it, it's like maybe he's just putting that as a fake name because I've Googled it and then not one instance of like – I can't believe you've fallen for this. Yeah. There's not one instance of someone saying, oh, yeah, this is in the name of a guy.

Yeah. What is the meaning of Lockie? Not like, show us a famous Lockie. And the meaning of it is to speak, as in it's lending itself to loquacious. Oh, okay. Usually meaning excessively talkative. The ultimate source of all this chattiness is Lockie, a Latin verb meaning to speak. Other words descended from Lockie include collatial, eloquent, soliloquy and ventriloquism. Okay. Okay. Yeah, see, I like the name Lockie

in spite of the only Lockie I can think of knowing was a guy at school who was a real dumb fuck. Right. So I don't know... Wow, that's a good name. Isn't that weird? You can still like it. Yeah, I'm thinking,

why do I have a positive association to it? Is there someone that I've like i like a good memory that i have with a lucky that was so good that i've repressed it yeah because i can't my body can't handle the joy that it brings me yeah but yeah if you can see through um you know it's like a it's like a beautiful woman with a horrible name. Yeah. Someone just an 11 out of 10 coming out and her name's Gertrude. And you go, you know what? Gertrude is a fucking pretty hot name now that I come to think about it.

I want to fuck a Gertie. Yeah. That's what this is. That's what this is, I think. Hanrahan. Hanrahan. Hamrahan? Hanrahan. Hanrahan. Hamrahan? Hanrahan. Hannah Hanrahan.

Anything else? I mean, I think Aaron Hanrahan was a pretty good riff. And Hannah Hanrahan. Yeah. That's all fine. Good on you, Lockie. Good for you, Lockie. We've given Lockie an alternate spelling of his name that he could use if he wants.

I've realized that a friend of mine has fooled me the whole time. And before this second, I couldn't spell my friend's name. Yep. Which is a little bit embarrassing. You've been hoodwinked by Facebook. Yeah. I'm going to message him after this and say, I've thought that this is actually how you spell your name for many years.

Yeah. I've got this friend and I always loved his name and then I found out how he spelled it through Facebook and get a load of this. Len Bomas. Have you ever heard anything so stupid in your life? Yeah. Yeah.

He's – you know what? I mean, that reminds me. I'm proud of my famous friends that are on Facebook and still rocking their actual name yeah yep good for them yeah a few of them out there yeah um ronnie's still on there just straight up slightly slightly he's got he's he's got his middle name in there yeah but still i mean his profile pic is him on the daily show. So, I mean, maybe that's the ultimate throw people off the scent. If your profile pic is you on TV, then you would have to assume that most people who are really going to go deep and try and find a famous person and add on Facebook, they're going to be like, as if the real person would have their profile pic be them on a TV show.

That's pathetic. Yes. And it is. They're correct. Well, thanks, Lockie Hanrahan. Thanks, Lockie. And let's just do one more. And then I'm going to go and break my 16-hour fast.

Maybe you're going to break your 18, 19-hour fast, whatever the fuck it was. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Damn. The run is subscriber. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Damn. The run is over. Oh, shit.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Ardvark Comedy. Oh, we went all the way backwards. All the way back. That would have been great if that had been first. Yeah, exactly. Ardvark, if only you'd subscribed four people earlier. We could have finally done it. Yeah. Aardvark, if only you'd subscribed four people earlier. We could have finally done it.

Our dream that we've never talked about before now, but it was an unspoken dream we both had together to have an absolutely alphabetical name read. Well, hopefully next week we kick off with subscriber comedy. Yeah, yeah. I hate it. I mean, there's never been a more depressing read than the time I read out Zebra Comedy at the start. Yeah.

I was like, well. What's the point? Fuck. I mean, sure, Zooloft Comedy came out next, but we knew it wasn't going to keep going. You knew your luck was running out. You knew it wasn't going to keep going. Yeah, yeah. All right.

Well, thanks, everyone. Thanks for supporting the show, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.