The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 667 - Mel Buttle & Nick Cody

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

This week we're joined by MEL BUTTLE and NICK CODY! Cody's been busted in 7-11 by Chandler on the way to the podcast, Karl's been getting strange e-mails which may tell us a little too much about his Google history, and we try our darnedest to get Mel to give us some show business gossip about herself so that we can make the papers. PLUS the paparazzi, backpacks and family holidays! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Mel Bartle and Nick Cody. If you want to support the Little Dum Dum Club on Patreon, you can go to patreon.com slash little dum dum club. Get yourself two bonus mini episodes every week with special guests. You also may be getting your name read out and thanked at the end of an episode of Little Dum Dum Club. It could be this one. Who knows? We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode, but until then, enjoy this new one with Nick Cody and Mel Bartle. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. I'm with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Nick, Cody and Mel Buttle. Yes, we're coming in hot. We've done about 30 minutes of hot content.

None of it appropriate for the show. The pre-interview. Yeah. Yeah, it's been way too much energy. They're looking good in warm-ups. Buttle's on fire. Cody, well I just walked into a 7-Eleven with you And you had to be

It was lucky for you that there was no What was it? Snickers A Snickers ice cream You look for a tub of Snickers ice cream at 10.30 in the morning Not a tub I didn't want a tub Not an animal But just the individual Snickers ice cream

You were looking in the tub aisle But he said He looks at So the time When we're in there 10.30 in the morning I'm looking at the ice cream freezer And he said, he looks at, so the time when we're in there, 10.30 in the morning, I'm looking at the ice cream freezer and he said, poor, an ice cream? Jesus, as he's eating a bag of M&M's.

I was. We don't need to get into that. Your sugar's colder than mine. Yeah. So it's the temperature that's the issue. It's not the sugar or the. I thought I did a pretty well job of sneaking that out of the store without you looking at it. But anyway.

Oh, did you knock them off? Yeah. Oh, wow. They're gone. Oh, mate. So that's breakfast. But I thought what was more funny was the hypothetical of someone nearly eating ice cream rather than me eating chocolate.

Rather than literally eating M&M's. God damn. No wonder you were making such a big scene. It was to get them off your back. You go, look at this fucking weirdo. He wants an ice cream. You're just filling your pockets. God damn No wonder you were making such a big scene It was to get them off your back Off your back You go look at this fucking weirdo He wants an ice cream He's just filling your pockets

That's like in prison Setting someone on fire As the distraction For you planning the escape Yeah Do you remember that girl Who'd eat ice cream in winter For attention

And be like No I actually really like it Remember that Yeah Just a weird Did you not have this Maybe this is a Queensland thing Because once it dips below 24 degrees, no one eats ice cream.

Yeah. But there'd always be one girl who'd get ice cream from the tuck shop on the coldest day in June and be like, no, I love it when it's cold. And everyone would be like, you're a freak, Natasha. Yeah, the same kid who'd refuse to put their jumper on, like switch over to the winter uniform in shorts in like 8 degree weather, like, I don't feel the cold. Nicknamed in primary school the heater

I wore pants twice T-shirt and shorts everyday I'm trying to get shorts on stage That's the final The final frontier if I can do it You know what the problem is? Me To do it You've either got to be real skinny or real

fat to wear shorts Which way are you going to go? Well. I was looking for Snickers ice cream at 10.30. Yeah. That's all part of the master plan. Look, if I had any M&Ms left, I'd give them to you, Cody. But sorry.

Would you allow shorts in any context, Carl? Do you think they're ever appropriate on stage? There's been times where someone's rocked up uh to spleen with the shorts on and i've gone mate you know the rule you know the rule you know my rule what are we going to do you can't go on and it was like what what are we going to do here like it got tense it was like standoff yeah you know what you need to do you need to have like a spare pair of pants like a country club where they're like you're underdressed but we have a blazer yes yes like the lost property the plastic piss pants at school yes that's what i need some emergency jeans yes oh no cody must have shit himself out the back

he's got the spleen jeans on yeah the spleen jeans spleen jeans i'm getting them but you've got to get them you need to make sure that they'll fit whoever needs so you need to get like a pair of like 38s you know just for like the biggest person that's ever going to need them. So anyone skinny, they're just on stage holding them up with one hand. I've got plenty of pairs of pants at home that do not fit me. That's fine. The fact that your hypothetical fattest man alive jeans are one size off what I currently wear.

Like, imagine being such a boomba. I'm a 30. I can't imagine getting to 38. All right, I'm just going to make up some fucking insane number. 38. Biggest for comedy. I'm over here, 36. Something insane, something you would comfortably fit into

if you had have got that Snickers ice cream just before. Jesus. Ice cream in winter, what about that? That's the thing I've always wanted about. Those ice cream shops that just somehow survive through? That's the thing I've always wondered about. Those ice cream shops that just somehow survive through winter. What the fuck is going on? You never see anyone in there.

They just, how do they make enough money in December and January to withstand June? I don't fucking get it. Yeah. They just spread it out over the, it's like comedy festival money. Yeah. They just spread it out over the year, you know. Yeah, yeah. March and April pays for December, Jan, Feb. Yeah. March and April pays for December, Jan, Feb.

Yeah. Sometimes November, December, Jan, Feb. Depends what sort of a year mum's had. They should do. Gelato Messina, the ninth Valvo of ice cream shops. Deep, deep. Too specific. Valvo's my favourite in the way that he was bragging online on social media last year about how quick he got from goodnight on stage to in bed or on his couch. And there was one that was like 19 minutes or something or 21 minutes.

But then the next day there was a tweet being like, what's with comedians all wearing their little backpacks around? It's like, because we're staying out after the show and we're doing things. And how did you even notice that since you were just on stage and then in an Uber? Teleported. Yeah. Saw them out the window.

Britney Spears helicopter on the roof. What is it about gay men in comedy that hate comedy so much? Him and Creasy, they're just like, fuck comedy. We hate it. We don't even listen to ourselves. Yeah, guys, let's try and work it out. Let's try and break it down for the next hour. Comedians do love a backpack.

I can see, like, I've got a fucking duffel bag in front of me here from Cody but you've brought a backpack. Comedians love a backpack. We do love a backpack. We're keeping the industry afloat. What I love is when people ask about it and you're like, okay, let's begin my presentation on my Patagonia backpack in its pockets. Oh, please ask me about my

backpack. Because everyone's always looking for a new backpack. No one's ever satisfied with the backpack they've got. I want to trade up. Yeah, the grass is always greener when it comes to backpacks. Because the dream is, you blokes probably already do it, is you get an overnight gig and the only thing you have to take is a backpack. That's it. That's all.

I'll bring the duffel bag. You can do like a weekend in that. Well, okay. Yeah. You can. Not if my jeans got. Well, okay, yeah, you can. Not if my jeans got any bigger, but currently... What happened to your army backpack? I've still got it.

When I ride my bike to work, I use that. Because you've got like a proper, proper army backpack. Yeah, like in 2014. So it's almost 10 years old. It's designed to get shot at, so I think a bit of Melbourne rain, it's fine. Didn't you get it from Ben Roberts? What's his name? Ben Roberts Smith.

Yeah, yeah. Had a couple of heads in it, didn't it? Just get rid of the hard drives in it. Is it that backpack Ronnie had years ago that he was like, you can take it underwater, you can use it to abseil off a cliff? Is it that backpack? Yeah, similar.

This one just looks more hectic because it is the khaki-coloured one. Oh, yeah. And it's straps and shit off it. Nearly the hardest I've ever laughed is Ronnie giving me a 30-minute presentation on how good this backpack was. I was like, this is just so funny, someone being so serious about a backpack. I was like, this is so funny. And then I put it on and went, I get it.

This is fucking great. It's like, hey, Ronnie, the best phone, this may be six years ago, was like the Google Pixel 2 or whatever. And I said, what phone should I get? And he's like, Google Pixel 2. And I went, well, and he said, or you can just be a fucking white guy that doesn't look into things and get the third best phone.

I just told you what the best phone is. Why are you here? He sent me a COVID cure on Instagram when I was sick, like a year ago or whatever and it was like this insane list of ingredients that you had to like put together yourself and i went into chemist warehouse i'm like can i get all and they're like half of these you can't get in this country like this stuff doesn't exist oh ronnie rogan yeah yeah, he invented it. He should know the cure. Yeah. That'll get him back on the pod.

This will mend the bridge. Bit more fire on there. Cody, yeah, glad you made it in. I was trying to confirm you for this yesterday, and then I saw a post on Instagram of you at the pub watching the UFC, and I thought, fuck, it's anybody's guess whether he's going to make it in. And then you called me when I was on the way in here and you said uh are we doing the pod and I went yeah and you're like I can't remember talking to you on the phone yeah but I just saw a record of it and

assumed we booked it in got up this morning and saw 7 30 last night I had called Tommy Deslo for a few minutes and I thought reckon that was pod related I reckon I've said yes. Just got to confirm if it was 10.30 or 11. I was fucked. So my... But you've got a little one now. Yes, I do. So my wife went to Greece with her mum and sisters

for two weeks in my midweek. Please tell me she took the kids. No. What? So I just soloed dad for two weeks on my mid-year break.

Do you mind if I give the context? It's your... You... On Breakfast Radio, you've got two weeks off. mid-year break. Do you mind if I give the context? It's you on Breakfast Radio. You've got two weeks off. And so for your holiday, your wife went away and left you with the kids. And that's your holiday, you with the kids. Yeah. And I'll prepare myself.

Yeah. You need a break. You're being a lot quieter than what you do off-air when we talk about this subject. Well, I find when you have three jobs, you don't need a break. And when you have no jobs, you probably should go to Greece for a couple of weeks. Santorini's calling.

That was a family reason behind it. Beautiful family reason. The Greek invented fucking people up the arse, so it seems like she's absolutely done that to you there. So she got back Saturday night. They love doing fuck all over there.

It's a conference. I'm going over to learn from the masters. Oh, there's going to be some mums sending me some angry messages. But actually, so her job, she's a stay-at-home mum at the minute, so I did her job while I was off from other jobs. And then at night I'd do pods and stuff. So I was doing jobs. It's easier for me to just keep working until I die early.

No need for a time out. Do these kids go to daycare? Well, one's in kinder, but kinder, like government kinder's off. It's school holidays. And then he had one day of daycare. I took him on like a week-long road trip around Victoria, which was a bit of fun. You know what was sick?

Staying in motels. Oh, yeah. We just stayed in motels in like Phillip Island, Mansfield, Healesville, and my four-year-old son. It sounds like Australia's Greece, you know? That sounds awesome. This is what I think about the prospect of doing breakfast radio in this country.

God, I'd love to get that motel money. Yeah, yeah. My wife's sending me a video. Get a bit of Oscar. Kick back in a Best Western. Colour TV. Outdoor pool. She's sending me a video of the Mediterranean from her balcony,

which is just right on the beach. And I'm like, I'd show you out of our window, but you would see our car because we're in a fucking motel. Do you want to see the back of a Subaru Forester? A little trundle situation? No, just all in the big bed. It was great.

Yuck. So she would have had to really save up her allowance to pay for that grease truck. It would have taken her years. Why do you flick her a 50 a week? Also, I love the vibe of this isn't just she's gone away for a week. It's the vibe is she's gone forever and now I'm living in a motel with the kids.

Oh, yeah. It really had, I stole them a custody situation. Yeah, on the lam. Because there'd be times where, you know, one's kicked off, I'm like, just get in the fucking car, and like one's got a missing shoe. And I just look like shit. He's stolen his children. The kids were to embrace the whole time.

Well, dad's going to drive us into a dam any second here, I reckon. Why did you choose road trip over just staying at home? Well, my wife also said the same thing. And she said, it'll be more relaxing at home. But we've got two boys under the age of five. So it's it'll be more relaxing at home but we've got two boys under the age of five so it's not going to be relaxing at home so i'd rather be stressed at least seeing something different right yeah you know what i mean it's like yeah yeah if i'm gonna get punched in the head while i'm asleep and yeah they can't run around in a car you that's you're allowed to

tie them down you're not allowed to do that at home. It's for safety. And is it having access to more like different stimulus than you do at home is like a helpful... Yeah, for me and them. It's like, fuck, I want to go see some stuff and do things and went to Mount Bulla for a night. That was the best, but I didn't get to... I drove all the way up to the top of a mountain to not ski or snowboard.

Right. Because I'm just holding a fucking almost two-year-old. Just trying to force altitude sickness on your kids so they would shut up. Fuck. Is the air thin enough up here for them to pass out? Can their little lungs not take this? What's the tallest mountain? I'm off to Kosciuszko.

Let's get in the car. So that's a week driving around Victoria, right? And then last week, we were just at home. So it's like play centres and you're not quite at that stage. No, not quite soft play. Nearly there. Yeah, filling a day is hard. It's hard yakka, mate.

How old is your little bubby? He's nine months. Oh, nice. So in between, can't really walk, doesn't talk, but he's huge, so people think he's special needs. My almost two-year-old's the same. He's fucking like 18 kilos. He's a beast.

He just goes, Dad. And people are like, oh, no. Yeah, mine says Dad too. These kids are wronging. Only thing mine can say is dad dad dad dad I'm like no mate Backing up the wrong fucking tree Shut your mouth he's not here

I don't know where he is Just say to a nine month old It's 2023 okay Yeah yeah Wrong pronouns My son's cancelled So then wife back She was back Saturday night

Yep And she said maybe we can do something as a family on Sunday. And I said, good fucking luck with that lady. I've got 24 hours of a break left. I'm getting fucking sideways. And I went to a local pub with a group of mates. Nick Cody's two-week holiday in a day. In a day.

Yeah, nice. I didn't drink for the whole time while she was away. So it was just all... You weren't drinking while you were driving a station wagon with your kids. No, on a stony mountain the way you delivered that like it's this very

admirable thing I really went above and beyond guys hold on kids I can see two mount bullers which one do you want let's try

let's try and drive in between them kids we're hitting the slopes I'm not talking about going to Buller Couldn't you palm these kids off to your parents or her parents? Great question

Well, my mum was overseas My parents watched them one day when I did the project One day That was my holiday where I'm like, thank fuck Let's go and do the news differently So you joined the conversation, great. Yeah. You were drinking in the ad breaks.

Yeah. I saw Chandler there. 57 dead in a bomb blast. Cody's like, oh, this is beautiful. So relaxed. It was actually quite nice. I was on a real grim streak of any time I was in that fourth seat. So I'd done it five times and every time...

So there's three regulars and then you're sort of what they call the funny seat sort of, like a guest funny seat. Yeah. Which is either a comedian or a hot model, it appears to be. Yes. Yeah, it was like, I think it was you and then Miss Australia the next day. I was like, okay, so there's not a set idea of what you want then, clearly. They bring in an extra sturdy one when Cody's doing it.

Someone that doesn't even believe 36 jeans exist and one man who's wearing it. So you had a rough time every time you've done it? Any time I've done it, it's like the bus crash with the kids in it, fucking Russia, Ukraine, the submarine. There was just any time. My whole role is to keep it fun and then it's like, here's a bunch of this.

But this one was like, we're talking to the Aussie guy that came third in the World Hot Dog Eating Championship. This is what a holiday is all about. Finally. Yeah. This is, I want some more odd spots. Yeah. Perfect.

That would be, imagine if there was someone out there that clocked that just like every time this one specific person is on the project, it's like some of the worst stuff has ever happened in the world that day and then it's just like calling them up you can't have him on anymore he's the albatross but i got that off my back finally yeah that was that was my holiday doing the project and then getting sideways yesterday yeah nice yeah tail. Fucking hurting this morning. I'll do this. I got one email address, right, that I don't use for anything. All I use it for is so I can have like a spreadsheet thing on Google, right?

And so it's not signed up to anything. So you would imagine I get zero emails. But I get one email a day. That's it. I only get one email a day from the same people every day and it's spam well i mean i guess it is spam considering i haven't asked for it i guess that's the definition of it but it is what it does is every day i get an email that just asks a question and i don't know how the fuck they've got this email address but i get one question a day but it feels like it's somehow i

don't know how is influenced by maybe thing like things like google or something like that but it just it gets on a real pattern of of similar sort of questions and um yeah to say them out loud might show you what i'm looking for i guess guess, online, maybe. Here we go. That's pretty good. It's pretty educational. Yeah, so this is a bunch of different runs of things happening. They mix up. I'll get a week of these ones, and then I'll get a week of something else.

So I got two weeks flat out of this. Has Marissa Tamay ever taken all her clothes off on screen? Right. The next day. Did Selma Hayek... What's the answer? Did Selma Hayek ever help Penelope Cruz? Was Jennifer Love Hewitt ever hassled when she was young?

Okay. What did Jennifer Lawrence wear on the red carpet of Red Sparrow? What is it about Monica Bellucci's odd behavior? Am I just Google imaging way too many famous, beautiful women? Like, I'm just getting it every day. What was Halle Berry's oops moment? These are all like you've just put Halle Berry into Google

and then the bit where it's like, here's what people commonly ask, you know, and it's just like bizarre, specific. But I swear I'm not looking at any of those people, probably. I don't know. Well, they're all brunettes, Carl. Oh, okay. There's a few things in common. There's a weird pattern that you've maybe not picked up on.

What? They're all hot women. Oh, okay, right. What are some shocking facts about actress Christina Hendricks? So then that is one week then the next week it starts with this has a nurse ever been inappropriate to you okay then followed up by what do massage therapists prefer their clients to wear when receiving the massage okay and what's the like who is it that sends them? It's a thing called Quora Digest.

Oh, Quora. Yeah. What is that? Quora, isn't that like an online help? Yeah. You know? It's like a Reddit wiki help kind of a... Is it?

Yeah. Often if you're like, oh, this brand of, like, air fryer, how do I, you know, it's doing this. How do I fix it? You'll put that in and then there'll be a, someone will have asked that on Quora and then someone's been like, oh, you push this button four times or whatever. Right. So then it's like, so I got all them and I was like, this is weird.

I don't know. And then, so then it switches to them. Getting onto Quora and being like, what did Jennifer Lawrence wear on the red carpet? I've never used Quora. Can someone help me? What was Halle Berry's Oops moment?

So then it changed I don't know what My googling has changed Or whether it's Anything to do with that or not But the questions then Certainly changed Then it turned into

A week of this Have any of the 9-11 jumpers Ever been identified? Wow Then Did the Apollo 1 astronauts jumpers ever been identified? Wow. Really? Then, did the Apollo 1 astronauts suffer when they died? Are any of these

like piquing your interest and you're having a click to be like, yeah, did they? I want to know. Did they suffer? Or are you just like...

A couple of them. Yeah, okay. Once I get like the fourth question, like, is it true that NASA has a recording of the Challenger astronauts

after the explosion? Yeah, I'd like to know that. Like, fuck, why am I asking for this? Are you on Pornhub just typing, hot actress fucks conspiracy theorist? Were the bodies of the people who jumped off the Twin Towers ever recovered? Okay, a bit of a theme. What happened to all the passengers' baggage stored in the airplanes at 9-11 that flew into the building? Who's asking that question? What happened to all the passengers' baggage stored in the airplanes at 9-11 that flew into the building? Who's asking that question?

What happened to the luggage? What happened to them? I reckon the same thing. Was Jennifer Lawrence working for Al-Qaeda at the time of 9-11? And what was she wearing? What was she wearing when she flew the plane into Tower One? So I'm getting them, then, then, and then I'm like, is someone fucking with me? Because then there's two questions in the road, back to back.

Why is Thailand the most overrated country on earth? Oh, here we go. Here we go. Truly spam. This is an AI program that's just using Carl to sort of like learn and gain more sentience about how to act human. And it's barking up the wrong tree. What is barley

really like? Fucking hell, guys. But then in between a bunch of them, what I like is, a week apart, is Paul McCartney a jerk? Cop that twice. Twice in a week. Yeah, probably. Well, if you, yeah, I've never clicked on it. Maybe that's why i keep getting

sent to me yeah is he yeah yeah uh why is hugh grant pretending to have a british accent that's a good one okay that is a good one yeah uh does he not oh he's british isn't he's british yeah is that just the answer yeah yeah i guess question he's british and he's not pretending well the answer is yeah i don't know why the answer is why is It's a trick question. He's British and he's not pretending. Well, the answer is, yeah, I don't know. The answer is, why is Hugh Grant

pretending to have a British accent? Full stop. Fucking weird answer to just have the question repeated but with different punctuation but anyway.

And then, These would be great topics on the project next time you're on. Yeah, exactly. Which member of Friends did Muhammad Atta

like the most? So, anyone can answer why these are coming in this order or whether they're fucking off the back of my Googling or what? How the fuck does this work? Like every day I'm like, how is this going to fucking weird me out today? So you said you use this for a spreadsheet. So you're logged in to Google on this account from time to time

when you're using Google. Yes. So it is taking stuff from there. Okay. What's in the spreadsheet, Carl? A little open mic I have in a run called Comedy at Spleen. Okay. 41 Bourke Street.

So maybe the people I'm booking is influencing. Maybe I'm booking too many fuckhead open micers and that's why I'm getting the 9-11 questions every day. Or Cora's going to get into artist management and they want to get Jennifer Lawrence a spot doing five minutes a week. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Christina Hendricks MC.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be a good show. I'd come to that. Yeah, I'm fine with that. Check that out. I'd pay $10 for that. Two shows that night. I love you've never unsubscribed from the email.

Yeah. Well, I'm just intrigued. If there's only one a day, it is actually quite nice. I'm intrigued to see... On an account you never look at. Yeah, I'm intrigued to see the next run of questions.

What are they going to ask? Because they're all in a run. I'll get all these weird ones in a run. Well, the latest one is... What was it? Something like... Why is prostate cancer so common? So looking forward to the rest of the week of that.

Yeah. Bit of old man cancer questions. Yeah. Time to go get the finger again. Yeah. Cor is trying to tell you. Yeah. And also the prostate test.

Yeah. Yes. Woo. Boom. Boom. Yeah. I don't know. That is strange.

It must just be like, can you think back? Was there a week where specifically you were Googling Hollywood starlets? Then the next week you got into some conspiracy theories. You are a fan of Hollywood. Do you remember? It would have been 10 years ago. I think I upset you, Carl, when we were doing a pod in Los Angeles. We were talking to Carl Canane, maybe.

And you asked, is there like a cafe nearby where we can go and spot celebrities? Yes. And I think I said something along the lines of, wouldn't you have just read up on that in Woman's Weekly before you came over here and you really cracked the shits that I was calling you like? I was like, what sort of soccer mum are you all of a sudden? Yeah, I don't think I cracked the shits over that. calling you like I was like what sort of soccer mum are you all of a sudden yeah I don't think I

corrected you over that but maybe I'm not sure but no I'd love to yeah why not

why not see famous people in LA why go to LA and not see famous people yeah it's true what's our pap culture here

who's getting like oh yeah what about you are you are you Daily Mail yeah I've had some spl. Are you Daily Mail? Yeah, I've had some splashes in the Daily Mail.

Oh, really? Yeah. Nice. You can put anything on your Instagram story and they will take it as fact and just print it. I once wanted to push down a story about me that was out and about. So what I did on purpose was I pulled a face where I look... You know when you push your chin down and i pulled a face where i looked you know when you

like push your chin down and give yourself a double chin and look fatter than you are i did that and i wrote the caption i was like oh hey guys look i've put all the weight back on that i lost in the jungle when i was in there for four minutes still my favorite exit from almost a lab ever what do you mean there's snakes here in Queensland where I live? The fuck is this? I've got to go I've got to go to my house 15 minutes away Cutting off the opening credits I'm out Yeah

Yeah, I don't read emails Anyway, so I've never seen anyone walk home from the jungle The Uber still had the meter running We'll talk about that off air, boys Anyway New Daily Mail article still had the meter running. We'll talk about that off air, boys. New Daily Mail article.

So I wanted to push an article down. So I pretend, if you put anything about jungle celebrity. And they love weight gain. They fucking love weight. I was like, this is right up there, Ellie.

They will 100% do an article. If you said you voted for Greens or Labor, fucking boom, straight at the top. Correct. It'd be all over you. So I did.

Any tips for weight loss guys really struggling at the moment? Put 15 kilos back on all the weight I lost in the jungle. I like that you pulled them by pulling a stupid face, too. They're like, well, the evidence is right there. That's a big chin. You've got to believe me. I'm fucking blown out. Oh, it's made her go cross-eyed as well.

Oh, she's doing the fat voice. And sure enough, next day, there it was on the Daily Mail. So you got rid of another article just because you popped that one up the top. Yeah, I sort of pushed the one I didn't want down a few Google searches. Go for it. Mel Blubble. How bad was the article you were getting rid of when you were like, I'm real fat now?

I'd rather be fat, yeah. Did it say, I'm a celeb contestant. Mel Buttle pleads, in all capitals, for weight loss tips from her Instagram followers. I reckon that was... Yeah, do you work there, mate? Do you? Yeah. Is that your fifth job?

They love an embedded image in there, don't they? That's the thing that always, always like just nearly crashes your computer. You're like one paragraph must have ten different photos from just the last decade of this person's life and career, not connected to the story at all. I can tell a pap story as well connected to when I was on the jungle. So, okay, let me think um so we were at the after party which i think due to covid had to be at like channel 10 sydney like so a bit of context so you were in i'm a celebrity when it was filmed sort of during

lockdown and it was in queensland so it't overseas. Gold Coast hinterland. Right. Just behind movie world. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yes. Painting the walls of the Big Brother house green. That's so remote. Yeah, and it didn't last very long in there. I kicked myself off the show, right? There's plenty of articles about it if you want to read them.

You want to read it. Those famous words. I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Did you actually say it? Yeah, plenty of articles about it if you want to read them. You want to read those famous words. I'm a celebrity. Get me out of here. Did you actually say it? Yeah, you have to say it to leave. Yeah, yeah, I said it to leave. Comedian Melinda Bartlewil storms out of jungle.

So they sort of let us have this. Because it was COVID, they wouldn't let us have a proper after-after-after party. So we're having a small gathering at the the tv studio and there's there's guys with cameras standing out trying to get snaps of the people in the party right bit like uh afl mad monday yeah that's right you know and there was one particular pap who wanted to snap very very badly of i i think think probably Great Jenya is who he was after. And he stood in this

one spot for the entire party. They had the Zoom camera on, but they were only about five foot away from him. And he didn't move from his spot because he had found the perfect spot to get in and whatever with his camera and get pics of who he wanted. He stood there so long that he pissed his pants.

Yes. That's so good. What? That's great. Because I looked at him and there was no wet on the front of his pants. And then I looked like 20 minutes later and he had pissed himself. No way. Through his pants.

Yeah, to get this snap of Grant. Ignoring the way more interesting subject, taking a picture of Grant, Daniel, he could have taken a picture of himself and gone, Daily Mail cameraman pisses himself. That's the thing. I would click on that. That'd be the move.

If you're a celeb that's annoyed. Poor Digest, are you listening, computer? Give me more articles about that. If you're a celeb that's been annoyed by the paps, you just try and make the pap that's chasing you in. You launch your own website where you're just constantly taking photos of that guy

and turning him into a celeb. So all of a sudden, yeah, Daniel's like, check this pissy pants man out. Daily Mail, M-A-L-E. It's just that same mail every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Piss pants man. See, I'm lucky because the radio show I'm on, Fifi Box, has been on TV and radio for like 20 years.

Brendan Favola, AFL superstar. So if we ever get snapped at a thing, it'll be like Fifi Box, Brendan Favola and his friend carrying his bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got Brendan Favola's friend is carrying his bags when we're on a work thing together. Yes.

Love it. Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. Great. So this guy pissing his pants, right? Because in the States, if you're a pap in Hollywood and you get a photo of, I don't know, Britney Spears or whoever doing something whatever weird,

you can sell that photo for millions. So for him to piss his pants, he must think that, what, he's getting a major payday because he gets a photo of Grant Denyer leaving a work party? I think the issue was, and I don't want to get into any legal stuff here, but I know you boys have a lawyer listening to every episode. We do, yeah.

I think Grant Denny had said in the jungle, I don't drink anymore. Oh. And I have a feeling it is alleged that this person was trying very hard to try and get a photo of Grant consuming alcohol. Okay. If he did or did not, I can't remember.

That's the payday. Yes, that's what he was on the hunt for. It Grant consuming alcohol. If he did or did not, I can't remember. That's the payday. That's what he was on the hunt for. He was there just in case he did drink. In case he chose to have a drink like the rest of us, he would have had a photo to prove. In his paparazzi mind that Daniel was a liar and was indeed back on the gear. Or they want to confirm that

Mel Buttle really was as fat as she looked in that weird selfie. So you're telling me the photo he took with his wife for The Amazing Race where she's giving him a piggyback, he chose to do that sober? Yes. Yeah, that's a very good point. Comedian Nicode mortified. That was in the studio.

He knew the cameras were looking at him and everything. That wasn't through a bush. Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Around that time, I also got an email from, I think, a pap guy directly who said, hey, if you want to tell me where you're going to be, like just putting petrol in the car or something,

I'll come and take some photos of you. And I said, you can wank to something else. Thank you, sir. I love those guys that you see interviewed in the docos about being a celeb in the 90s or whatever, like the one about Britney Spears and her issues and whatever. And they talk to those paps and those ones that are like, I'm kind of like friends with the celebrity. We have a bit of a relationship where they might give me a little bit of an insight into where they're going to be. We have a symbiotic, they need us to maintain their fame.

And it's like, you're a cunt. Yeah. You're a cunt. But also there are people that will call them and go, I'm here. Yeah, yeah. Take photos of you. Which to me is a true illness. I'm getting petrol.

What a scoop. Yeah. I'm going to be at the Bowser at 4pm. Yeah. I see how you could could if you wanted to do my Daily Mail fat manipulation story on an even bigger scale if you were a bigger celeb

you would just get the paps involved to make it look like perhaps you were dating someone that you weren't I can see how you would pull some levers and stuff but also who could be fucking bothered What about Cody if you hit up Fifi and she has ever had any kind of contact with these paps directly, right,

you get the paps number and you call them up and you're like, I've got a scoop for you. I'm going to be in 7-Eleven at the ice cream freezer getting a big tub of Snickers at 10am. I've got a tip for you. Brendan Favola is carrying your bags full of Snickers ice creams. Do you think they would buy it? Do you think that now, after a couple of years of breakfast radio, a lot of TV, that they'd be like, this is a good Daily Mail.

Do you reckon you can, if the Daily Mail ever find out your name, can we please carry your bags? Can you tip them off and then we'll carry your bags and we can be the Nicodean friends? Yeah, yeah. Can we please carry your bags? Can you tip them off and then we'll carry your bags and we can be Nick Cody and Friends? Yeah, yeah. Can we be that? I would love that. And then you get like spin-offs.

Yeah, yeah. Raw spin-offs. Yeah. Nick Cody and tall, bald son go for expedition to 7-Eleven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a weird. Get us in. It's a very weird thing

I want to be in the I want us to be in the Daily Mail I think we've been quoted A couple of times in Daily Mail Have you? When Fiona O'Loughlin Has said something Particularly fucked

Yes even more fucked than normal Yeah we had stuff lifted From an app of this Oh great Yeah And like Reported on as if it was Like some scoop

That they'd I don't know Tap to like Put a bug in a hotel room Or something If I spoke about my kid at length on this podcast, you would, I reckon, you'd get something. There'd be an article somewhere. Yeah, we could use a bump.

Can you give us, just make something up. Just give us something. He's got red hair. Okay, there we go. There we go. Cute. Yes. That's such a good idea for a pod.

Every week it's just you trying to get a fake story in the Daily Mail with your guest. Yes. Yes. I've got a feeling with podcasts, like the Daily Mail, they're not listening to podcasts. Anytime I think there's a podcast conversation in the Daily Mail, it's the podcast host emailing the Daily Mail and saying,

have a listen to my podcast. You reckon? Yes. Even with, well, how do they get the Fiona stuff? Yeah, did you do that with Fiona? No. But there's been so many fucked things that we've talked about on this show that could have gone in the Daily Mail easily, but that's the only one that's gone in.

I reckon a listener sent it to him. A listener tipped him off. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Or Fiona ran into one drunk in a 7-Eleven. Yeah. Guess what I just said.

It's fun to imagine that there is someone in the Daily Mail whose job is to just listen to every podcast on the off chance that they get a little nugget. Just driven insane, earbuds in for nine hours a day. Three speed. Double speed. Oh shit, I've heard something. Got to rewind half an hour. It's already gone past.

Yeah, it does give me... Because part of your job would be doing a bit of Daily Mail stuff. Whereas when I work for the project, it's that. It's a lot of... It does turn me a bit fucking mental sometimes just reading too much Daily Mail stuff. Yeah, or just reading... Just seeing the news all the time drives you fucking insane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good for the... Yeah. It's not good for the brain. What I have picked up, but all... You should be concerned about this because we've got like the Today Show on behind us fucking insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good for the brain. What I have picked up, but all, you should be concerned about this because we've got

like the Today Show on behind us on a screen just in case anything breaks or whatever and it's on silent but every morning without fail

a fucked Queensland story. You're welcome. Without, like, it couldn't be, it's a beautiful part of the world, like paradise and it's like teenagers, sets, fucking dog the world, like paradise.

And it's like teenagers, sets, fucking dog on fire. Cop punches grand. When it gets hot, it affects your mental health. I'll say that. Too human to think straight. Can you confirm? Actually, you'll be the perfect judge of this because you used to live in Perth. You started calling me in Perth?

100%, yes. Started calling me in Perth? Kind of, yeah. Yes, I started actually doing open mics in Perth, yes. Were you from Queensland originally? Yes, of course. I moved to Perth because I didn't want to be a teacher anymore and I got a job in Perth in the Arts Department of the Government, right, in Arts Administration.

Sorry to show off. I know your wife's currently unemployed, but anyway. Yeah, just struggling in Ibiza or wherever the fuck she is. And so because I was like so far away, I was like, I don't know anyone in this state. I may as well start stand-up comedy and if it goes badly, I'm going to move home anyway. No one's going to know.

Great. The perfect crime. Yeah. So that's how I know. Great. You know, that, yes. The perfect crime. Yeah. So that's how we, that's how I got into comedy. And Xavier Michaelides was around. Yeah. Claire Hooper, Ben Russell, Mike Goldstein. That was, that was the era, yeah.

Good crew. Yeah. And others. Anyway. Yeah, so. More off-mic stuff for later on. Yes. Well, well, well, getting close to that.

But, so that means, I think that's the two nominees for the most mental comedy scene in Australia. Thank you. Perth and Brisbane. Yes. So you've been in the eye of the hurricane. Wherever she goes, there it was. You created two monsters. What is the most mental scene?

Yeah, what's your ranking? Yeah. What goes one-two? I think it's clear that there's got to be one-two, surely. Don't you think, guys? I think they're both up there for the most open micers who need care, who need meds, who need an intervention, a social worker. Someone needs to get involved.

I don't know which one's better or worse. I think when you go to Perth, they kind of shield you a little bit more these days from the true originals. It's isolated enough that, yeah, you really can sort of create any kind of... It's like the Truman Show. You're in a bubble where you can create whatever kind of reality you want. I reckon, just because I know Brisbane more intimately, like, just the stuff. Like, people would turn up to open mic in Brisbane with no shoes on

and the venue won't let them in because they're barefoot. That's Cody's dream. Once he gets the shorts in, no shoes is the next level. That's my question, Carl. Someone turns up to Spleen, they're wearing full pants, but no shoes. And not even, I don't mean thongs, I mean barefoot. No shoes, a moo-moo don't mean thongs, I mean barefoot. Barefoot, yep.

No shoes, a moo-moo, craned out of my house. Snickers ice cream all day, every day. Great to be here, although I've just been in bed for eight weeks, so it's good to be anywhere. Just dreaming of those fat 38-size pants, yep. There's open micers in Brisbane who are banned from hanging out at the rooms. They can't even come into the venue and enjoy a beer because they're so frustrating. There's open micers.

They haven't even done anything like smash a window. They're just too frustrating to be in a venue. Punish hang. There's one who had to prove that he'd had a shower before he was allowed to have his spot. Oh, my God. That's awesome. Instead of the COVID shot, you have to prove that you've had a shower before he was allowed to have his spot. Oh, my God. That's awesome. Instead of the COVID shot, you have to prove that you've had a bath. Yeah, and on that day as well.

Who gives you a certificate for that? I don't know. I think it's an honesty system. Maybe some sniffs. The iPhone's really good. The iPhone, the way it tags everything. You video yourself in the shower and then you go in and like, let's look at the data. If you don't turn up here with a damp towel, you can hit

the fucking bricks. Feel this rubber ducky, it's still wet. Is there a government app for that or not? They tried it with COVID. Wow. Brisbane's very special. Raw comedy I'm a huge supporter of and I go and watch every year.

Which is the national open mic competition. I love it. You're a real champion of new talent mic, the national open mic competition. I love it. You're a real champion of new talent. You want these people to succeed. I love to see them come through. There was one guy that dressed as a cross between Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Hitler. Hang on. Was that on purpose or was that your summation of what he looked like? No, that was his whole bit.

So was it a whole Hitler costume with a red nose or was it as a reindeer and the moustache? Great question. Do you have the red nose with the pencil moustache underneath? Antlers, red nose, Nazi uniform, moustache. Towel around the waist because he's fresh out of the shower. And it was a comment on the Lord Mayor, I believe. Obviously. Yeah, of course. Why point fresh out of the shower. Yeah. And it was a comment on the Lord Mayor, I believe. Obviously.

Yeah, of course. Why point that out? It was smart comedy. It wasn't for me. So that got through, obviously. What was the act's name? Hill of the Reindeer or something like that. I can't.

Rudolph Hitler, maybe? Adolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer, surely. Surely. Surely, but I bet not. That's what you would call it, yes, but I bet they didn't. It's a special saying. It's a special saying. Oh, that's amazing.

I cannot imagine. You could make an entire show out of trying to draw back the Rudolf plus Hitler back to a Lord Mayor. How the fuck do you get? How many steps is there of separation before you can figure out why that's got anything to do with the Lord Mayor? Yeah, what had the Lord Mayor. How the fuck do you get, how many steps is there of separation before you can figure out why that's got anything to do with the Lord Mayor? Yeah, what had the Lord Mayor done? Was there anything specific or just in general? Just like these people who hate Dan Andrews, it's like, doesn't matter, it's all in the

I think it was a liberal, like an LNP Lord Mayor and, oh, you know, just, I'm not sure the exact thing he'd done, but he was certainly getting roasted by someone dressed as a reindeer. Speaking of Queensland comedians, I'm a bit angry at friend of the show, Nick Carr, who I'm sure at least one of those stories you told was about. Because I saw a post of this on the internet, and I went to Toowoomba recently to do a gig for him, and I didn't know this at the time and I'm annoyed that he didn't point this out to me.

That legendary photo that went online many years ago of a woman in a Hungry Jacks who got a Whopper and then there was like the person working there had drawn a big penis on the box under the burger. That was Toowoomba. I had no fucking idea. You could have gone there. I was at one of the most iconic fucking places that exists.

I would have gone to the Hungry Jacks and done the whole pilgrimage. I'm furious I didn't know that. So annoying. How'd the gig go? Pretty good. Good, good gig. Good gig. You've done that.

Irish club. I'm doing it again. September 2. Come along. Mama needs the money. That's why you like to be on the show. I'm doing it again. September 2, come along. Mama needs the money. That's why you like to be on the show. Part of the junket. It's a weird way.

Isn't it like City of Flowers or something? Yeah, they do a carnival of flowers. It's their big event. I can't remember what their slogan is. I'm an Ipswich, which is fuck you looking at. That's our saying. It's a beautiful place place Toowoomba nice and crisp and cool

on the other side of the mountain I've mentioned it a few times on the show it's where my an ex-girlfriend of mine lives that dumped me and then I never ever saw her again

so if when you go there on September 2 yep I'll give you a bit of a description of what she looks like if you see her in the audience just ask why why

just why and she'll know she'll know tell Melvin that's great crowd work do we have any birthdays in tonight? Do we have this specific person in tonight? How long ago was it?

And not, what do you do? Why? Why did you dump Carl? Why did you dump him? You never told him. You never saw him again. Do you want to know why, though? Do you really want to hear the why?

I don't want to know the why. Yeah. Yeah. No, yes, I do. You do? Okay. Yeah, why not? want to hear the why? I don't want to know the why. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, yes I do. You do? Okay. Yeah, why not?

Can I handle the why? Yeah, it was a while ago now. I think I can handle the why now. Ten years ago maybe I couldn't. Maybe the Hungry Jacks employee spotted her and that's why he drew the dick in her box. Fuck, imagine being that woman's ex and just like that story goes around and you're like, oh, that's the woman who dumped me. Yeah.

She's bounced back. Well, I'll keep an eye out for any Marissa Tomei lookalikes. Certainly ask why. Wearing a turban plotting a terrorist attack. She was a little bit more Christina Hendricks, but whatever. Oh, nice. Nice. There we go.

Fuck yeah. Got taste. This man knows what he likes. It's admirable. Woman plus hair. From one madman to the other madman. So if you got the reason, because how long ago was this? This is like what, 20? Nearly.

20 years ago? Nearly 20. So if you heard the reason now, it's just like this is why I dumped you, would there be any part of you that would sort of act on it, take it on board in any way? Because I kind of think if it's like long enough ago what's the point in hearing it because it's like you're a different person now anyway you know like short term you could be like all right well i'll take that on board for my next relationship

but past a certain period yeah it's so far removed yeah that's like what if it's not even to do with you you know what if it's just good great you know. Best result. Okay. You still want to know. Isn't it? Yeah. Because if it doesn't... If she then goes, oh, it's because I was really sick and I thought I was going to die and I didn't want to put you through that so I thought I'd run away to Toowoomba like a sick cat

and just die in the bush. Do you reckon that's what it is? Probably not. I would say definitely not. But it would be a great answer to hear. What if she said the reason is you were too funny? Oh, that's not bad.

What would you do then? I didn't deserve you. Maybe that's it. I was just exhausted from laughing so hard all the time. I was bad for my abs. Yeah. I was getting too buff. I thought I was going to, can you OD on abs?

So she just broke up. How long had you gone out for? Two and a half. Oh, damn. Were you living together? No. But, oh, that might be. It was, oh, look, look.

I mean, if I say that later, it becomes a bit more obvious. It was like we were interstate. She was living there and I was living here. So I was like, well, they never get better, do they? Like long distance relationships. So yeah, that's, I would say that would be a significant chunk of it.

But then I probably would be devastated when she went, no, that bit was fine. I didn't mind that bit at all. That was the best bit. Yeah. Yeah. That's why we lasted so long.

Yeah. Those were the happiest days. I didn't see you that much. You sound like a kid in high school making up that he met a girlfriend on the holidays. Yeah. Yeah. I've got this girlfriend, looks like Christina Hendr up that he met a girlfriend on the holidays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got this girlfriend who looks like Christina Hendricks. She lives in Toowoomba. Yeah.

Man, she's hot ass. We've been going out for two and a half years, whatever. Yeah, she exists. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She looked just like that internationally beautiful actress, but she lives in Toowoomba. Yeah, that's right. And she worked at the Air Force. Oh, she's gay.

You should have said. Oh, right. Sorry. Cut out the middleman. Damn. Oh, fuck. gay. You should have said. Oh, right. Sorry. Cut out the middleman. Damn. Oh, fuck. That was quick.

Well, thank you for clearing that one up. Great. You know what? I'm really good at telling who's gay and who's not. Oh, great. Really good at it. And I said to someone the other day, show me six different photos of this person. And within six photos, I can tell you. Oh, really?

Within 95% accuracy. Wow. Sometimes I went wrong. Yeah. You just put six images in and the bottle goes, uh. Yeah, but calculated. Terminated vision. Yep.

No, you shouldn't. J.I. Yeah. I'm exceptional. Is there anyone that you've broken? Have you anyone that you've known you and you were the one to go, sorry, bottle's got it? I've had a few.

Look, I also, I diagnose gay and then I sit and wait. And I message everyone I know and tell them, as you know, Carl, there's some people who will be coming out soon. And I just wait. And then once that person comes out, I screenshot my message to you, Carl. Okay. Yeah, from 2017 and go, fucking told you. So you've got a few you're waiting on. You've got a few chickens you're waiting to come under.

Yes, I have. But you have had some successes in the past. I have had some big successes. After this gig on September 2, if I get a picture of my ex-girlfriend, fuck yes, I'm going to be ecstatic. Do you want to like writing it down, posting it to yourself, getting the stamp, not opening it up and then when they come out

being like, I fucking knew it. And I'll wait for my applause. Where's sports betting on this? Come on. I can see that. I can see the day where they're like who's gay? Do you have a 4K multi? If one of the blokes comes up straight, bonus bets, 50 bucks. What are you going to have to do to knock this new story,

Mel Buttle, Gay Whisperer, off the top of the Daily Mail? I'm sending this in tomorrow to the Daily Mail. I'm getting this up. Mel Buttle is the Gay Whisperer. I've got a few things I could pull up. I've got Mel Buttle struggles with alcohol, which is facts. I didn't want to drink last night and then the flight was delayed. That wasn't Daily Mail.

That was the bartender here at the hotel. Ma'am, you have to go. I could blow that up a little bit. I could do... God, what else? Property mogul, Mel Buttle looks to secure a fourth house. Other ones are being sold and moved around, but that would make me look like a right

cunt on the internet. I mean, they all cost 290 grand, but that's beside the point. If you get enough of them, all that adds up. Then I could put a deposit down on one in Werribee. Yeah, buy Cody's mum and dad's house and kick them out. Yeah, good. In Hoppers, I'd love Hoppers Crossing. I've driven past there.

Hoppers, yeah. It's gotten a lot nicer. Is it semi-rurally? Is there space? No. Yeah, some of the old blocks are massive. Perfect for me. But now for some reason,

people just buy townhouses with no backyard that far. What are you doing? That's city shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that is funny when it's like you're an hour out and it's all like really condensed. It's like stretch out, fuckhead. That's what this area's for.

You should buy Cody's pizza oven that's in his backyard. You could probably rent that out to someone. I've got a pizza oven. That's a studio apartment in Melbourne. Yeah, exactly. Is it the proper clay built-in? Oh, not the dream. I haven't used it yet.

Next question. You've been there for what, a year? No, six months. Haven't used it yet. Perfect. That's exactly it. I want to use it. If you tried to use an outdoor, like a pizza oven,

an outdoor pizza oven more than twice a year, it would break because it's not built for that. It's built to ignore. We talked about it last time you were on. Yeah. That it takes like a day to heat up. Yeah. You got to get the embers going at like 9am.

Yeah, I told you when I asked the real estate agent, how do I turn it off? And he went, it's just fire, mate. No, it's like when the oxygen goes. He was just explaining basic science to me. I felt like a fucking idiot.

Put your hand in the fire and take the logs out. Yeah, and it'll turn off. What else you got at this palatial patio? Any other good stuff? It's called barbecue. Big, massive indoor,

but it's like a big indoor barbecue. Ah, yep. Nice. Big indoor barbecue. Yeah. Korean restaurant style. Yeah, no, they wanted, I think they wanted to build like an outdoor area and then the husband realised we don't live in Queensland.

It's going to be cold as fuck. Right. So just built an extension. Yeah, it was. Okay, nice. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'd like to see you use that pizza oven, please. All right.

I would like to. Yep. I, nice. Yeah, I'd like to see you use that pizza oven, please. All right. I would like to. I love fire. I've got a fireplace in my house, and I popped it on last night in Queensland because it was going to be a low of 12. Yeah. So that's a good, you know, if you ever need more daily mail fodder, come out as a pyro. Yeah.

I love fire. I do love light and shit. Yeah. I scare myself. I left my sleeping family there. I started the fire, and I flew down to Melbourne. Let's see what happens. Left the door open.

Anyway. Do you want to make any predictions about people who are going to come out in the future? Because this, I mean, it's the perfect time stamp. If you want the proof, you know, a text message you can doctor. But this, this is for life.

No, Carl's received my thoughts over the years via Facebook. We can just have, if anyone, it's like, you know, Carl can just sort of say on the air, like, look, not to, you know, I won't go specific, but let me just say this. She was right. And people that heard this episode will know what he's talking about. I'll tell you who a group of gay men that I don't know think is gay, and that is me.

They are the only people that hit on me online I think they are gay dudes they would like you to be gay are you sure it happens all the time slide in the DMs

yeah no you're not gay no and I don't even need to see six pictures I know no you'd be a good get

for the community though you have to imagine do they do hey just checking wondering if you are... No, they'll do just like water flicking, like... The splash. They'll splash.

They'll come in on. Hang on, what does that mean? The emoji of like the... The calm emoji. The unofficial calm emoji. Did they, over the holidays, did they go, oh, I heard your wife's out of the country. Does that mean anything?

Is that your wife's in Greece? Is that a metaphor for something? You speak it. So chicks don't message you? No. Is it because you've got a wedding ring and talk about looch all the time? I think plenty of married blokes would get messages for some reason. When I did that last one laughing show on amazon i think it premiered

at different times around the world so then it was just different countries gay dudes getting into the dms wow yeah right i will say this i've had messages from single female friends about you oh really they think you're hot oh thank you so could have passed them on fucking eight years ago they're out there they're thinking it but they're maybe not, you know, following up. They don't have the confidence of a horny gay man. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it is a bit crazy. The lowest level of decorum.

A real coming up on Instagram of a guy like talking about his wife and then you DM him and go, I'd fuck you. You know what I mean? It's like when that's the material, it's like. I respect them shooting their shot. Have a crack. Yeah, it's a real Gallipoli for them. They can take me down.

The most vague details about your wife in the bit and then they're DMing you going, she sounds like a bitch. Why don't you leave her and shack up with me? Yeah, yeah. She annoyed you by going away? You know what would annoy her? If you fucked me.

Yeah, she's in Greece. I've got some Greece. Come on over. I get messages that seem to have increased lately, and I never used to get them. I'm getting messages at the moment from lots of women saying, all my friends say I look like you. And I'm like, oh, wow.

And then I look at them, and I'm furious. I'm like, you don't, not even, and it's hard to not write. Yeah. Like, I don't think I'm, you know, a young Nicole Kidman or anything, but you've just got glasses. And they don't work. I don't. Yeah.

It's never a good one, is it? No, it's never someone hotter than me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always they're below me wishing. A long time ago I started hearing, you know who you look like? Not interested, thank you. Yeah, yeah. Not interested.

You know what would be a good, if you were like, if you're just a member of the public who's like incredibly attractive, what you can do to build up, to pump up the ties of a public figure is get into the DMs, even though it's never happened before, and just be like, people are always telling me I look like you. I'd love that. And then you go in and it's like an actual model and you're like, oh, wow. Thanks, man.

That's never someone in their 20s. Let's put it. It's never. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, thank you for reaching out. I appreciate it. You're like, you mean when I'm dressed up as the character of the mum? No, it's not.

No, no. Just in general. My friends say I look exactly. Do you? Do they? Fuck. Okay. I'd like to forward you my official promo photo for your reference.

Cody, what are we scrolling through? Cody what are we What are we Sorry I'm trying to find one A mate Costa James who Works

Is the audio guy Fox Legend But absolutely Got me with one last year That was It was so fucking hurtful Like because it was just

He was It was just off Fuck I can't find it. I've got to find this picture. But it was a guy. We'd just been at a pub watching UFC, and then he was driving home and said, Oi, Cody, how did you just make it to this pub?

And it was a guy. I think it was size 38 jeans Cody. Just having a man, this guy. And it was just enough where you're like fuck you fuck he's close enough that is good that is really good so you got a photo

of Dick Chody somehow yes yes yes Chody fuck before we wrap up Mel

what do you think me, Carl future gays no getting any vibes no no percentage no vibes

no chance at all I'll fucking show you yeah I mean that when you're all doing that Future gays? No? Getting any vibes? No. No percentage? No vibes, unfortunately. I'll fucking show you. Yeah. I mean, when you're all doing that. I'm getting into Cody's DMs right now. The masked pegger stuff, you know. But I think you're super comfortable in yourselves

that you could do something like that. No, I don't think there's any homosexuals here today, apart from someone. Sorry, that's a shame. That's a shame. We could have used more, shred more diversity on this end. It would be great if you knew that one of us was gay. Well, go woke, go broke as well.

All right, we'd better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Cody and Mel, thank you for joining us. Mel, you've got some shows coming up. Is there an alarm going off? Yeah. Is it me? It might even be me.

Oh, yeah. Is it me? It's me. You know why? You've got a new email. No, I set myself an alarm because I keep forgetting to ring the hospital. I did a blood test, and my mum keeps ringing me to go, you haven't got the result of the blood test. I set myself an alarm to, because I keep forgetting to ring the hospital.

I did a blood test and my mum keeps ringing me to go, you haven't got the result of the blood test. You should ring to get the result of the blood test. So I set myself an alarm. I mean, if it's bad, they'll call you. That's what I was thinking. Is that what happens? Yeah. I mean, if there's something there to follow up on, yeah.

It's not going to be like, thank God you've called. You've had cancer for three weeks. No, but that's what I think it might be. I think, yeah. like I rang the hospital. They're like, you're supposed to ring back between 11.30 and 12.30. I'm like, is that how things work? Is that like I've got the receptions on lunch so I don't get to find out that I've got fucking leukemia? Is that how the hospital works these days?

So I set myself an alarm to make sure. I've got a little half-hour window now. I've got a ring to see if I'm dying or not. Okay, great. Well, let's quickly wrap up the end of this, and then we'll get back to you and leukemia. Yeah, I'm doing shows. I'm on a tour.

You can go to comedy.com.au to see all my tour information. I'm coming to Hobart, Canberra, Newcastle, Darwin, Brisbane. I reckon that's... Toowoomba. Toowoomba. Toowoomba. I reckon that's all of them. Cool.

Yeah. Hobart. Did I say Hobart? You did. All right. Did I say Newcastle? You did. Okay.

Canberra? You did. Good. Done. That's the whole thing. Please, please come along. Toowoomba. Go check out Mel live.

Don't forget, September 2, I'll hit you up after that just to see what happens. Yep. Reach out., reach out. Definitely reach out. See if you see her.

I've got a picture of her from 20 years ago. I'll get on Photoshop and try and age her. Oh, great. Put it into an AI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would this person look like now? Cody, things to plug. Mid-flight brawl.

Yep. The podcast I do with Luke Higgy about air rage incidents. We've got a live show in Sydney coming up Saturday, September 9. Nice. Brisbane's already sold out. Townsville, we're doing, but that's a part of another thing. And I've got a special coming out on YouTube soon. Fuck yeah.

I've got to do the final edit. How'd you get that, mate? YouTube? Wow. Nice. You must know someone high up. Up with the big dogs. Mr. Tube himself.

Not anyone can put stuff up on YouTube. No, I wouldn't know how. Yeah. Only me, Brendan Favola's friend. Is that the name of the special? Brendan Favola's friend. That's actually an awesome title. Nick Cody, Fev's mate.

Yeah, nice. All right, we'll check all that out. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, Bruny. Bruny? Yeah, sure.

Okay. Yeah. Haven't said that before. The Sultan of Brunay. Good reason. Bruny and the Jets. Yep. R.I.P.

Yep. What? Elton John. Yep. RIP. Yep. What? Elton John. Oh, he's not dead. I think he's finally done the last show of that tour. He has done that, yes. But then at the end of the report they were like, oh, well, you know, never say never.

It's like, what? You did say it. You did say it though. I feel like from the beginning he's always been pretty clear about, he's like, I'll still do one-off stuff, but I'm retiring from doing the like big you know world tour the thing that i was thinking about when i was like watching the clips of like the the bit the last bit of like the last show of this tour that i found so funny when i saw the show here was that at the end where he kind of got on the crane and

like the sort of you know the the the doors opened at the back of the stage and he's just kind of like slowly going up into the air, just like waving goodbye. It really has the air of like in The Simpsons when they kill off Poochie. You know, he's like, it would have been so good if that last show, if he just had have gone, I have to go now. My planet needs me. Just disappears behind the screen. And then we never see him in public again.

I do like that because it's like he's descending into heaven, like he's gone forever and it's like this is show one of five in Melbourne, right? Like this is – you're here tomorrow night. Someone who's going multiple nights then just at the end of night one being like, what happens tomorrow? I want my refund. Are we getting an email about who's the understudy for this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is Billy Joel coming in to replace him? Yeah, I know he loves that Jake Shears guy from the Scissor Sisters. Maybe he'll fill in. Yeah, it's going to be just some other fat cunt in a wig tomorrow. Yeah. All right, all right. Yeah, what episode are we talking about?

This one. The one we just did. The one we just did, right. We're all over the place. Yep. Well, I am at least. That was Mel Buttle and that was Nick Cody. Melinda and Nicholas.

We recorded it in Mel's hotel room. Very nice hotel room. We can give out the number because she's gone by the time we put this out. What number was it? 702. Okay. What do you think of that? We recorded one in there another time, Tommy Daslow, and that was an episode with...

Xavier Michaelides. And... Hannibal Buress. That's right. It wasn't the same room though, was it? No, different one. Different room. They don't have a podcasting suite in that hotel.

Smaller than Hannibal Buress one, I reckon. It was a different level one. Remember that had like different tiers to it? There was like stairs inside the hotel. I remember that. It was like platform. I remember we were pretty cramped. We were all sitting next to a big, like, bath.

Yes. Not an in-ground, like an actual, like, I don't know, what do you call it? Like a standing bath. One with little feet on it. Yeah, next to a window. So I guess that's cool. You can sit in the bath and look out the window. But it did seem to take up a lot of room in the hotel just sort of next to the bed,

which I bet when you're in there you'd find kind of annoying. Yep. Update. What I said at the end of the episode, I was waiting for my blood test results. Yep. Because I keep missing it because I keep missing the window to ring them. So I rang them after. In the real world time since we recorded,

I've watched you attempt three times to call them. Including on a bonus episode if you want to subscribe to Patreon. You can hear me ring them and then get told I was ringing at the wrong time. Yep. Then I've rung again and they've gone, nah, we're just busy at the moment. And then we're officially past the window. So I rang them then to go, so any luck? Please, can I?

Just can I, yeah, book in a funeral or something? And they said, oh, we haven't got through it yet. It's like, yeah, well, sorry. I'm just very aware of the window rule that I got told the last three days in a row. Like they don't even have the results ready for you? No. Oh. For some reason, this will be obvious to us, other people,

because I did say this to someone yesterday. They're like, you ring and it's not like you're talking to the doctor. You're talking to like the nurses that go through the stats or go through whatever it is and then they'll deal with you and then if you need to make an appointment off the back of that then you do that i think right but if it's like just like yeah yeah there's nothing wrong with you just seem like a bit of a fuckhead and you're a bit annoying it's like they'll just tell me that over the phone right but like if there's if got, yeah. If you need to go in. If I've got gout.

Yeah. If I've got scurvy, then I'm going to have to ring out there. Yeah. If I've got scurvy from Unprotected Sex with Chris Franklin on the weekend, then I have to go in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I must have a gun GP because I had to get a whole bunch of, yeah, blood work done recently.

And I thought, oh, he, like, what do I do with it? Am I going to have to like chase this up? And then just like a couple of days later, I got an email from him, from my GPp just being like here's the results this might need a little bit of a look at later on oh this is fine i was like all right this is sick this guy just fucking followed up with me yeah i didn't have to lift a finger oh i mean whatever i know everyone does a it's a hard job or whatever but isn't that how should you be chasing them to find out your terminal yeah exactly because again it's all this stuff.

It's like, well, I don't know. I don't know how long it takes you to get through it. Yeah. Yeah. It's like I'm jumping through hoops to get these blood tests. It's like, am I signing up for an open mic or something? Right. And it's like.

Am I lining up for fucking Scottie Pippen sneakers or what? Yeah. And it's like you're a doctor. You earn a lot doing this. I'm paying you. Yeah. I'm out of pocket. You should be putting in the legwork. Yeah.

I know you've got other stuff, but this is part of the stuff. I think this is part of the stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I came in. I gave my blood out. Let me know. Well, I don't even really know if you can go,

Oh, there's other stuff going on. It's like health is like the most important thing. That's like the top of the barrel. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, look. So it's ongoing. We might have to follow this up on next week's episode.

No, well, I mean, look, hopefully, like this thing that we're doing right now, this will take, look, hopefully half an hour, more likely closer to an hour. Yep. We can rip through it. Hey, it's in our hands. It is.

We're the masters of our own destiny depends how tired slash hungry slash creative we are today yep um but hopefully i'll get a call within it and you'll get your live on air live on air that's why i've got one of you bud in tommy right so i can i won't miss the call yep i'm pretty bad at missing calls so we will find out um exactly how pure my blood is okay and you're going to put them on speaker or are you just going to relay yeah we're just going to hear one side let's do it sure okay i'll do i can do it what do you think well it's up to you how how high do you think the chances are that you're terminally ill and the phone call is going

to be really sad and devastating and then we just have to be in this installment talking dumb dumb it is um i do i mean i've gone in there for a reason i've gone in there because i was like really sad and devastating and then we just have to be in this instalment talking dumb dumb. It is. I mean, I've gone in there for a reason. I've gone in there because I was like, oh, I better check this out. So it's not like I've just gone in going, oh, just whatever. Just for something to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what the dream is?

Fourth name. We've just, we've, we've. Oh, yes. The phone starts ringing. Yes, please. Absolutely. Thanks very much. Let's see.

Three months to live comedy. Let's see. Let's see. Three months to live comedy. Let's see. Let's see what we can do. Let's see. All right. Let's – oh, yeah. So thanks to everyone who subscribes to the show, by the way. Thank you for listening to the show, but thank you for subscribing to the show

if you're one of those little rats that um that don't um yep don't contribute financially less thanks to them less thanks but you know we would love to thank you more uh i just uh my wife went away on the weekend with someone uh a friend of a friend that listens to the show oh really you know this sort of thing where it's like and she gets all this on no no yeah well i was waiting for that but um more like oh yeah you know this and this was good and whatever and my wife's like i don't know what any of that is. I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. Great.

Okay, I'll pass it on. Okay, nice. But, yeah, I should pass it on to my wife to send back. How much you get on the hook in the page round? Oh, that friend of hers not on the – Well, I appreciate it. I appreciate it. All right, all right.

Well, maybe they'll come up in this list of names. Could be. Could be. Who knows? Thank you to everyone out there in general. Anyone just walking past, a moving car that's got this on the loudspeakers and is listening for two, three seconds. But mainly thank you to people who fucking give us the spondulas. Yeah.

Just right in the back pocket. Dip into the purse. Really doondulas. Yeah. Just right in the back pocket. Dip into the purse. Really do appreciate it. Yeah. What a wonderful world it is where we have people like you out there that can do that sort of thing for us. Kewpie's giving you a lick, my dog. Almost like he's heard this and been like,

I have no income of my own, but I do want to give back. Yeah. So he is a little kissy. I did have a conversation with my daughter with a little blanket this morning on the way to kinder about money. I was teaching her about money. Because sometimes she'll be asking for stuff and I'll say, oh, no, we're out of money. And she'd go, what?

Is that for real? And I'll be like, well, yes or no or whatever it is, whatever I feel like saying at the time. But I was trying to let her understand that everything costs money. So then she was just doing a big checklist of asking if things cost money. Right. Just going, does this car cost money? Yes. Does the house cost money?

Yes. Does the food cost money? Yes. Do trees cost money? Hmm. Well, I guess so to start with in some way. Technically, no, I guess. Yeah, but I mean, someone paid money to pay someone to plant that tree.

Because, I mean, we're driving in Hawthorne at the time. It wasn't just like a homeless guy dropped a seed in the ground and that magically happened. Yeah, but I mean, that tree over there, if you want to go look at that, that's free. But if you wanted a tree like that in your backyard, that would cost you money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there was a lot of that. Oh, this is a heady concept for a four-year-old. Yeah, I know. I know. So I was getting deep because some of them are like easy. It's like, yeah, a donut costs money because we have to go in the shop and buy it. But then it turns into like, does water cost money? It's like, hmm, good question.

Sometimes. We're getting a bit deep here. Yeah. And she said, do daddies cost money? I'm like, wow, okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, daddies cost money? I'm like, wow, okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, daddies cost money. Yeah, so there were some longer answers and some shorter answers

but some questions that really made me think. It's the thing that really makes you realize a lot about the world. You think you're teaching a very like binary concept of like yes, no. Everything just costs money or it doesn't and then the deeper you get, you're like, wow, it's actually – and then you're starting to really like rethink the whole capitalist society we're in and you're like, why does that cost money? Yeah, yeah.

That doesn't make sense. Yeah, and me going, yeah, I guess nothing is free really, is it? Just like everything's taxing us. Because that's always – the reason money comes up is every time I have to go, I'm like, I have to go, I'm like, I have to go because daddy has to go to work. Why does he have to go to work?

To earn money because if we don't have money, we don't get to do anything. It's like, oh, okay. So I don't know if this is like too deep to be teaching her at this stage.

Maybe. Just front of her brain at the moment is money. Yeah. It makes the world go around. That's the only thing that matters. Well, and then how long,

you have to wonder how long until then she starts going, well, I want some of my own money. How about you start coughing up? Yeah. Well, and then how long? You have to wonder how long until then she starts going, well, I want some of my own money. How about you start coughing up? Yeah. Well, she's got a purse where she's got some Thai baht in there. Okay, right.

So she's got that. She's got some money. What age are parents starting their kids on pocket money these days? I wonder if that's a thing that's like, you know, coming up at like a kinder or a prep. It's like, hey, I get pocket money. I remember that happening at school, like some kids having pocket money and being like, I'm getting fucking ripped off here.

What did you do with pocket money? What was that for? Snacks. Was it? Yeah. You know what? I never thought of it like that. My pocket money was always fun things, not food,

because in my head I was like, no, food is a divine right that must be provided by my parents. Yeah, okay. That's not pocket money. Pocket money is for fun things. Food, that's for keeping me alive and that's on the parents. I feel that way about fun. Yeah.

You need to give me more money for that shit. Yeah, yeah. That's a different department. That doesn't come in here. No, I was too impulsive. I was too short term. I was too short term. I was like, God, I'd love a fucking Pepsi right now.

Go down the shops, get a Pepsi. Could save up. Could save up and get a, I don't know, video. But no, too busy getting the Pepsis.

Well, that was me. That's how I got a filing cabinet. No Pepsis, no chips, nothing like that. That was a different portfolio in my head. Well, we've got to thank the people that are contributing this week to our fund for Pepsis and chips and filing cabinets and fun

and divine rights. Especially these days where I, you know, mum and dad aren't paying for my food anymore. So you guys, you're my new mum and dad. You're our mum and dads. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub is where you can sign up. And yeah, on top of the good feeling that you get for helping two fuckheads make a living in the arts, you also get two bonus episodes,

mini episodes every week. But yes, it's time to, you know, to do our part, to thank these people that are so generously helping us live our lives. I mean, we've already thanked them by giving them this content. But, you know, this is – by paying us, this is why we do things like we've done today. Monday morning, we've devoted our entire morning to schlepping into the city to go to this hotel and harass Nicode and Mel Buttle to use their time when they've got way better things to do. Yep.

And look, to be honest, so do we. Yes. We've got better things to do than spend our entire Monday morning like this. Yep. But that's how work works. We've all got better – we'd all rather not do shit, but if you're going to get paid for it, then I guess we will do it. Then I guess you've got to do it.

Yeah. Yeah. This is how it works. All right, I'm going to explain this to Blanket. This is now a new definition of work. Play her this. Just play her this. Yeah, right. Okay to do it. Yeah. Yeah. That works. This is, all right, I'm going to explain this to Blanket. This is now a new definition. Play her this. Just play her this. Yeah, right.

Okay. All right. Easy. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, first cap off the rank this week. Thank you very much to subscriber Max Harlow. Max Harlow. Wow.

Real yesteryear surname. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know that rapper, Jack Harlow. No, I don't. He's even, Jack's the ultimate yesteryear name, don't you think? Yeah, sure. It's your classic. It'll never go out of fashion, Jack.

He's like a young, white rapper. But he truly does sound like he could be a film actor from the 40s that you've just never heard of before. Yeah, he's played a pirate at some point, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You dig into the Wikipedia a bit, it's like, oh, there's some awful shit about him in here. Oh, is there? Well, no, not the real guy, but I mean... Right, right, right, yeah. Yeah. You dig into the Wikipedia a bit, it's like, oh, there's some awful shit about him in here.

Oh, is there? Well, no, not the real guy, but I mean a 40s film star called Jack Harlow. It's like, hey, people reckon he killed someone he was sleeping with. Yeah, he chopped off the head of a starlet. Yeah, yeah. That kind of vibe. Never been confirmed, though. I'm going to Google this rapper just to see if he has,

if that's his real name or if he's deliberately got that stage name as he wants to sound like an old... If he's changed his name to become a rapper called Jack Harlow, that's fucking bizarre because that is not a rapper's name. Yeah, no, real name, Jackman. Jackman Thomas Harlow. Oh. Jackman, interesting. See, Jackman is a bit of a rapper name, I would have thought. Jackman. Yeah. That's a rapper's name. Yeah. Jackman. Jackman Thomas Harlow. Oh. Jackman. Interesting. See, Jackman is a bit of a rapper name, I would have thought.

Jackman. Yeah. Yeah. That's a rapper's name. Yeah. Jackman. Jackman. Yo.

Yo, I'm Jackman. I'm the Jackman and I'm here to say. I'm the Jackman. Yeah. Okay, that's less cool. Yeah. I'm the Jackman and I'm here to say. What would he be here to say?

Yeah. Not the N word. He's a white rapper? Yeah. Not the N word. He's a white rapper. Yeah. Not allowed. I sound like a pirate and I live in a bay. There you go. Yeah.

But the Jackman, sorry, the Jackman doesn't sound like a pirate anymore. No. Jack Harlow sounds like a pirate. Jack Harlow sounds like a pirate. Yeah. But this is Max Harlow. Oh, this is, yeah. Possibly related.

Possibly related. Possible relation of new It rapper, Jack Harlow. Oh, this is, yeah. Possibly related. Possibly related. Possible relation of new It rapper, Jack Harlow. New It rapper. Or just a descendant of an actual pre-talkies Hollywood film. Golden era Hollywood leading man. Yes. Someone that speaks and then two seconds later the screen blacks out

and some words go on there. Oh yeah, you're thinking that far back. One of those guys. Yeah, okay. Someone with very, very powder white skin. Someone's been whacked

with one of those cartoon type white cushions to put all the powder on your face before you start filming. Do you think watching the movie where the black screen of text is coming up would be

too annoying these days or back then or just in general like if you were yeah because i mean no i could get into it when i'm watching something with subtitles i really am aware of the fact that i'm really only looking at one little bit of the screen i'm not really taking in the craft of the movie making but you would you would um i think it's coming back because, you know, those videos that people put up on Insta and TikTok and all that sort of shit, a lot of times you don't have the sound on because they've just subtitled them now. Well, I think I can, yeah, I've never been quite clear on what the impetus

was for everything all of a sudden having to have subtitles on it whether it was an accessibility thing or whether it was the assumption that most people are scrolling through this thing you know with their with their phone on silent so you want to be able to like catch them and still be able to like relay the information yeah i've never been quite clear on like what the motivation was for all of a sudden like now if you put a video up without a subtitle on it it's like what are you doing yeah we're a sudden, like now, if you put a video up without a subtitle on it, it's like, what are you doing? Yeah.

Fucking waste of everyone's days. But you know, apparently really popular with Gen Zed is watching everything with the subtitles on. So just getting on Netflix and watching, you know, in the language that you speak, yeah.

Still the subtitles on. Man, I love it. I hate it. I have it on. My girlfriend does it and I can't stand it. Like if I, if she's watching something and I dip on, dip in halfway through, I'm like, subtitles on man i love it i hate it i have it on my girlfriend does it and i can't stand it like if i if she's watching something and i dip on dip in halfway through i'm like i'm gonna have to get

you to turn the subtitles off it's driving me crazy it's bad for comedy because you read the punchline before it comes up yeah i think it's bad for everything because it makes me really aware that the person on screen is like they're doing a script like if i can see the text there it really makes me aware that i'm watching someone pretend i can't get lost and yeah i read ahead but when i'm watching something foreign language and looking at the subtitles i get to the end and i'm like i don't think i really took in any of the visuals from that film i just was looking at the very bottom of the screen reading text for the entire two hours there yeah so my point being would it maybe with a foreign film i'd prefer it to be cut up.

Someone talks in Chinese. Right. I've no idea what they've said. Yes. Then we have a cut of a few seconds of a black screen with the English text. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, okay, that's what they were saying. Right.

And then we're back in. Okay. So when I'm watching them, I'm actually taking in the – I'm really splitting my time. Right, right. I'm reading or I'm looking at a scene. Right. So you want it old school.

You want it Fatty Arbuckle style. Yep. Any foreign film from now on. Yep. No text on screen at all. Exactly. Okay. All right.

I can live with that. When SBS finally get the rights to the train driving towards the screen. Right. Oh, was that a foreign film? Yeah. Was that a foreign train? I guess so. Oh, okay.

Well, for here. It wasn't Australian. Okay. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. Well, I would have thought that was a classic. You know what? I want to look that up now.

You think it was classic English? Shades of Benny Hill. Yeah. What? Yeah. Let's see. What do I Google to find out? What does one Google?

Just train. Train driving at screen. Film. Oh, it was French. There you go. The classic foreign film. Yeah, you're right. There'll be some tits in there.

SBS will have that on. Yeah. Imagine that. You're a horny teen flicking on SBS at three in the morning and getting the train coming towards the screen. This isn't what I wanted. And the train's got a big pair of tits hanging. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And you're going, wow, you're forgetting the train's involved anymore. There's just a big pair of tits coming towards me. Oh, my God. No, but you're horny and you're scared as well because you think you're going to get run over by a train. I just feel like it's like everyone who sees that film has the same response to it.

Right. Regardless of what era they're in that would be genuinely a great movie in that you get to the end of it and you go wow that what what was i feeling then like because yeah i thought i was going to die but there was also that was a great pair of tits that were coming towards me which made me sort of want to stay but i knew i was going to die but what a way to go out there's like a lot happening in a silent film there's a lot it's making you there's no words in the movie there's a lot of words going on in your head that would be so awesome if they remastered the train driving towards the camera film and just had it on in imax and they've put all this they've colorized it it's in 4k they've

put all this cgi shit in it yeah big pair of tits in the train if that like a movie company trying to be like trying to get you to the cinema to go and see a restoration of the train driving towards the screen a reboot you want you want it refilmed and made sexier yeah yeah you have what if what if that if it's the new mission impossible and tom cruise is clinging to the side of it what if that was the first ever mooney movie shown in a porno theater the train going towards the screen but with a pair of tits yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and people rather than being scared and running people were just all coming immediately yeah yeah so horny exactly because they thought it was in the room. Yeah. And then after that, Steamboat Willie was jacking his dick off.

It was like, yeah, Steamboat really Willie. Yeah. Because steam was coming out of it as he was jerking it. And piano player in the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to do a bit of Bow Chicka Wow Wow, but on the piano. Right, right. Wow, that'd be good.

Yeah, that's... Fuck, I had a thought in the middle there, but now I've lost it. Doesn't matter. That's heaps for Max Harlow. That is plenty. That is plenty. Uh, yeah, that's, uh, fuck, I had a thought in the middle there, but now I've lost it. Doesn't matter. That's heaps for Max Harlow. That is plenty. That is plenty. That's, um, that's a lot.

That's a big fat load. It's a big fat load all over me in that, uh, thanks for that train. Uh, thanks, Max Harlow. Thanks, Maxie. Uh, thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Matt Feckles. Feckles. Jesus. Quite a name. Yeah.

It's interesting. Yeah. Look, I think that's his name. But. You think we're dealing with someone trying to throw us off the scent? Well, not trying to throw us off the scent, but he is... His name is Matt, but then I'm looking at his email account. Okay.

And it appears that his last name is Feckles. So hopefully he is okay with that being a thing. Yeah. Yeah. Feckles. Yeah. F-c-c-l-e-s okay it's nearly feckless which is worse but feckles what does feckless even mean yeah without feck um i think it's not positive that's for sure yeah is it in the same realm as like gormless yes you know just a bit hopeless kind of that sort of thing i think it is feckless. Is it in the same realm as like gormless? Yes. You know, just a bit hopeless kind of that sort of thing? I think it is. Feckless. Just like a bit of an idiot, bit like...

Lacking initiative or strength of character. Okay. Irresponsible. Yeah, right. Yeah. Whereas, what's the difference... Look, now I'm going to look up gormless. I've been using gormless a fair bit lately.

It's a fucking good burn. I like it. Hopefully, you're using it correctly. Let's find out. Lacking sense or initiative. Foolish. So, nearly exactly the burn. I like it. Well, hopefully you're using it correctly. Let's find out. Lacking sense or initiative. Foolish. So nearly exactly the same. Yep.

Yep. So what about if I just look up gorm? What does gorm mean? Yeah. Gorm means... Rimming with gorm. Gorm is a foolish person. Oh, fuck.

Wow. Get your story straight. So just that word. But if you're gormless, you're also a foolish person. Yeah. So that lady's fashion brand, Gorman, what are they trying to say? This is clothing for dumb women. Dictionary.com says gorm.

Oh, fucking hell. How do you use gorm? Yeah, a foolish person. That's fucking stupid. No, I give up on the English language. Is that how you're going to use it? Nice. What are you going to start speaking instead?

Oh, French. Yeah, nice. They had it right with that train. Yeah, break out the Duolingo app tonight. Imagine saying to someone, I'm learning another language. I'm learning French. Oh, why? Are you going to France soon? No, I'm learning another language. I'm learning French. Oh, why? You're going to France soon.

No, I've had it with English, and my goal is to just give up speaking it forever. Yeah. I'm quitting English. You've heard about Gormless, haven't you? Yeah. And you've heard about Gorm. Yeah. Say no more.

It was a bridge too far. Yeah. It pushed me over the edge. It makes no fucking sense. I'm checked out. Yeah, finally. I mean, I've always had trouble with this I before E bullshit, but then this is the thing. That makes no fucking sense. I'm checked out. Yeah, finally. I mean, I've always had, you know, trouble with this I before E bullshit, but then this is the thing.

Yep. This is the thing that broke the back. English, I think, is a good language to have grown up speaking and just, like, you know, know instinctively. Because fuck it, I think it'd be a pain in the ass to learn. I think it would suck to learn how to speak English.

Look, I'd say every language would suck to learn. I could english i look i'd say everything every language would suck to learn i could not be bothered yeah i think english is known for having like so many fucking exceptions and difficult things like in lockdown any other in lockdown one of my things was i was going to learn thai and then just could not get into my head yeah could not be fucked with it yeah even even me that wants to you know would quite happily live there or yeah spend an extended time there and you know loves the idea of all that it's like cool i'm gonna sit down for 10 minutes a night and learn it and for 10 minutes a night just went over the same thing over and over again it could not be fucked hang on i've got a phone

here we go triple zero is's calling in. Hello? Yes, it is, Carl. This is Jane. I'm sorry I couldn't take your call earlier. From Baldwin Healthcare, the nurse. Okay, thank you. Great. No worries.

So I've got some results for you from Dr. Ash. Yes. So he just says to let you know everything's normal and he's happy with everything. Okay. That includes your full blood count, your iron levels, which your iron stores at 203, so that's really good. Okay, great. Kidney and liver are normal. Glucose, which is your sugar, is 5.1.

That's in the normal range. Vitamin D was 79, so that's very good. Over 50 is what we want in winter. Okay, great. Yeah, so that's very good. Over 50 is what we want in winter. Okay, great. Yeah, so it's good. And B12 and the HbA1c, which is the look at sugar over the last couple of months, also 5.1, so that's in the normal range. So are you happy with that?

Would you like an email copy sent, Carl? Oh, look, I'll copy an email if that's all right. Look, I'm happy. I thought there was going to be a kicker there. I thought this was all leading up to something you know, something huge at the end. But we found out you are, yeah, you've got two days to live or something. But no, that sounds good. No, no, no.

Well, hopefully, if you do this every year, Carl, hopefully we catch anything that we need to catch. This is all about preventative medicine now. Oh, okay. So, yeah, if you do this once a year or whenever your doctor tells you to and we sort of keep an eye on things, we can pick some things up quite easily. So, yeah. Okay, great. All right. Great news.

Now, just check your email address. It's ******. Yeah. And I'm just going to have a look. Yeah, I've got ****** in. Okay, so I will pop those through to you now. Yeah. You should get them in the next sort of 10 minutes.

If you don't, then just check drunk mail and give us a call back if nothing comes through. Okay, great. Thank you so much for that. Thank you, Carl. Have a lovely day. You too. Bye. Thanks.

Bye. Bye. Oh, damn. What a shame. Bit of editing for you to do there. That's what I need, more work. How's your blood pressure after hearing that you've got more work to do? Clean bill of health.

Yeah. Oh, well. There's always next year. Better luck next year. It did sound like she was saying, oh, if you do this every year, hopefully we'll get something next time. I mean, are we just too deep in comedy that the whole thing sounded like a set-up to a punchline at the end?

I love that doctors do that where they're like, they will give you the numbers. They assume that you know what the good B12 level is. Right. Where they're like, so it's 70. And you're like, yeah, I don't. Yeah. Is that out of 1,000?

Because that's bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, that's good. Hey, your dog's going.

He's really. Your dog thinks. Kibby. Your dog didn Well, that's good. Hey, your dog's going. He's really. Your dog thinks. Kibby. Your dog didn't know the score because he keeps licking me like he thinks I'm dying. He's trying to comfort me in my last hours. He's a therapy dog. Yeah. Well, congratulations.

Well, thank you. I feel so invested in this saga after being present for so many of the phone calls. Yeah, I no longer feel feckless. I feel feckful. Yep. Now that I know all that information. Yeah, I've got a new zest for life. Yep.

I'm more than happy. I was worried about spending my final hours doing a patreon read but now it's like i got a million more years to go i can do heaps of these now let's do 1700 names this episode well thanks uh matt matt feckles yeah thanks for um thanks for being there with me thanks nurse feckles as we found out that that you were um it was like you were holding my hand bedside um but but like you were holding my hand bedside. But as you were holding my hand, you were like putting a 50 in there.

That was pretty good. You were bribing me to stay alive. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks, Maddy. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Well, well, well. This is one of these guys

that has a, you know, account name. But then you look at his email address and go, well, that's your name. Yeah, okay. And you love to flush these people out. Absolutely. So let's do it. What do we got? Thank you very much to, officially, thank you to Infinity Out.

But the Clark Kent to Infinity Out Superman is Alexander Mueller. Mueller? Mueller. Mueller? Mueller. The Mueller Report. Yeah, in the Mueller Report we find out that Infinity Out is a bit of a shit name. Okay. Hey, speaking of names. Oh, yes.

I've got an anecdote that ties into this. Right. I was watching this tennis doco the other night about this guy, Marty Fish. Do you know anything about him? I've heard the name. Childhood friend of Andy Roddick. Marty Fish lived with Andy Roddick's family for a time. Roddick kind of becomes a superstar in US tennis.

Marty Fish, like good player, but not so much. One of those guys that's like pretty happy being on the tour. On the circuit. He talks about he's like, yeah, I had a good life, you know, get flown around, do these matches, but, you know, go well. But I wasn't one of these people that was like killing myself for it, you know, go out for nice dinners and stuff, have a pretty good life. And then he's like, you know, you get on and you get a bit older

and you start to realize that you're probably in the twilight of your tennis career. And just one night it popped into my head and I went, what if I just went as hard as I could? Like what if I really try and make something happen here? And Roddick's in the documentary and he talks about how people either like have that killer instinct or they don't. And he's like every like kid I see in tennis,

they've got that mentality or they don't and you can never switch it on. And he goes, the only person I've ever seen switch it on was marty well he didn't have it and then one day he just like calls up his like coach physio flies him out has a year where he's just like i'm just gonna really fucking change my mentality and just see how high up i can get right and so his first sort of proper match back on the tour after this year of training, he's like down. He's like starting to lose the match and he's like losing his mind. He's like, this is fucked. I've done all this.

I've made all these sacrifices for the last year. This was my big shot and it's just not panning out. If I don't have this, I have nothing. I've just got to change the tide of the match. And as they're swapping sides, he goes up to the guy he's playing and he's like, you're done, mate. You're fucked i'm gonna fucking destroy you and this guy just goes what and it works like he rattles him yeah turns

the match around beats this guy and then this is the beginning of just this astronomical ascension where marty fish just has this like insane run, becomes the number one US tennis player. Right. Anyway, that guy who he plays, who he rattles in the match, who do you think that was? Who? Our old friend, Frank Dankovich. Oh, yes.

Oh, wow. And it's mad because it's like in the documentary, his name is just so tossed aside, obviously, because like who cares? Yeah. But I'm at the TV, I'm i'm like guys we need more context of who frank dankovich goes on also how many times has this man been rattled in his career if it's not marty yeah if it's not snoopy very animal related right yeah yeah marty fish and snoopy that's the other great it's one of The two animals that have destroyed Frank Dankovich's career. Yeah.

And by the way, it's not Marty Fish, it's Mardy. Yeah, one of the great names. Mardy Fish. Yeah, yeah, I know. I was watching it with my girlfriend. I think she got really annoyed by me. Like every time his name came up on the screen or people were talking about him, I must have over a hundred times in the documentary just out loud gone,

Mardy Fish. I would have said, I would have done exactly the same thing, if that helps. But, like, we're now piecing together. I think, you know, there's got to be at some stage. There was a guy that was this really idiot guy that we knew growing up, whose last name, you know, instead of his last name being Oliver, his last name was Olva.

Oh, yeah. We would always do that, say that out loud, Olva. Yeah. Well, I mean, to me now we're just piecing together more of the mythos of the life of Frank Dankovich because that's also, I mean, that's like a pretty, even though he loses that match and he gets his ass handed to him, but that's still to be like, to be that part of the cog of the machine of Marty Fish becoming this superstar.

That's pretty, I mean, I wonder how much other stuff there is in this guy's path, you know? Yeah, he's a real Forrest Gump slash Zilig type character. Right. Never been. What else has happened? Was he in China in like late 2019 in a wet market and just going, no, actually leave that, leave those crabs out in the sun, I reckon. The Wuhan Open.

Yeah, yes. Yes, was he there? If we could piece together the fact that, like, yeah, this guy's never been, like, a superstar in his own right, but to two podcasters, he's the most important tennis player who's ever existed. Because you're not very into sport, but if you had to, I think if you were put on the spot and said,

name a tennis player, I think probably that would come out as number one. I watch the tennis a lot every year, and I like sports docos. I don't really follow much of it outside of that, but I love a doco. I love a doco where you go in, you get all the context straight from the jump. Here's who these guys are. Here's why they're underdogs. I love watching all that sort of stuff yeah but yeah frank dankovich would be god it's devastating that you never heard

back from him i know it's still sitting there i know on the socials unread from his uh and you would think he's not that big like i get it if i was like hitting up pete sampras or something it's like yeah well you're not reading every message that comes to you but sure how many big fans are there of fucking frank dankovich yeah like there was he reading every message that comes to you but sure how many big fans are there of fucking Frank Dankovich yeah like there was he didn't have that many people on his fan page

or anything like that I wonder if we could find his management if we hit them up yeah maybe they'd push a thing through it's a shame we didn't

know about him when we were in Montreal yeah and the Montreal festival what if we found out his management

and it was our old friend Reg Targerman oh he's branched out into sports management. Maybe. Well, Infinity Out, that's a name up there with Reg Tugerman. It really is, if that is his real name. And it isn't.

But I don't know why. Mr. and Mrs. Out. We're going to call our son Infinity. If you had just a lovely, you know, fine nice enough no alexander mueller i don't know why you've got you a need to give yourself such a a cool fucking trance artist name like that yeah you know who's that who's that impressing on patreon like i get it if you're a dj if you're a gamer or something yep on patreon all you're doing is fucking subscribing to these. Infinity underscore out on Fortnite. I'd be like, yeah, oof, I'm scared of this guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I don't think this is the right forum for having such a wipe out 2064 type name. No. I don't know. I might be wrong. But look, happy to take the... The bad decisions that you make,

the sort of brain that's made you make a terrible decision like that has also made a terrible decision to subscribe to this show. Exactly. That's fine by me. Can't have one without the other. Yeah, I'm fine with that. Fine with that, Alex. Or sorry.

Thanks, Infinity. Well, how do you give a nickname to someone called Infinity? How do you do that? Finny? Thanks, Finny. Thanks, Finn. There weny? Thanks, Finny. Thanks, Finn. There we go. Yep.

Thanks, Finny. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Scott Meacock. Okay. M-E-A-C-O-C-K. Okay. Meacock? Meacock. Meacock?

What do you think? Meacock. That's what I sort of feel like I have to go with. It does seem like it would be more Maycock. Maycock. If you spell it, if it was a P instead of an M, it'd be Peacock. So it's Me Cock. True.

Me Cock. Me Cock. Me Cock. Yeah, let's go Me Cock. Yeah, okay. Scott Me Cock. Scott Me Cock. Scott Me Cock.

Scott Me Cock. Scott Me Cock. I've Scott Me Cock. I'm ready to go. Yep. Scott Me Cock. I Me Cock. Scott Me Cock. Of Scott Me Cock, I'm ready to go. Yep. Scott Me Cock, I'm off to the toilet. Scott Me Cock, I'm off for a route. The fact that Alexander Mueller doesn't want to put his real name in, but this guy does, is absurd.

Scott Me Cock. All right, boys, do your worst. Oh, Mueller. Oh, they'll make fun of me. Yeah, yeah. I better put something that they can't hang shit on me for. Infinity Out. Infinity Out.

Wow. Yeah, Scott Meacock. I mean, this is one of those ones that's almost like it's too good. Well, it's also, I like it because it's, sometimes you go, well, this is a fake name or something, but that's almost like it's too it's too good well it's also i like it because it's it's sometimes you go well this is a fake name or something but that's no i don't there's too much work to be done to then go this is obviously a fake name that makes it's not quite i mean if it was like scott big cock we'd go all right good one if it was m-e-a-c-o-c-k and jack yeah jack mccock jack mccock yeah i think that'd be different you know we're we're like we're hardened enough A-C-O-C-K and Jack. Yeah. Jack Me Cock. Jack Me Cock. Yeah. I think... That'd be different.

You know, we're like... We're hardened enough that I think our spidey senses would go off about that one. But it's... Fuck, it's not far off, Scott and Jack. It's not far off. No, yeah. Like if... Can we please, Scott...

What does the email address tell you? Oh, fuck. Can you let us know, Scott, if you have any relationship with Jack? Because that would be next level. Jack. that would be fucking that would be excellent you would just your whole life be like if and when i have a kid yeah do i dare call him jack do you just jack would you just be like just like a note like tattoo on your hand. Just remember. Just remember. I know it's hard to remember things, even things that are really important. I've forgotten a passport on the way to the airport.

Yep. But when your wife is there and a baby is being pulled out of her, just remember, don't call it Jack. Because maybe by then you'll have lived with the surname for long enough that it's lost all of that. And you become an adult. You get bullied less. People in your office aren't going to see that

and be like to your, behind your back, obviously. And also like, you know, we've talked about in the past, I have a friend called Peter Field that we just had a blind spot for, didn't realise it sounded like Peter Field, pedophile, and just didn't, ignored it for 12 years until I did this show and then said it out loud And everyone went What are you talking about?

Yep So maybe he just hasn't Copped this all the time Yeah Didn't think of that idea Of Jack And then has just Pulled that one out

Speaking of Passports and travel I'm As we're recording this I'm going to Vietnam In five days Yep Went and got some money

Changed over the other day Went and got some money changed over the other day. Went and got some big dong. Yep. Also, did you get the money changed? Yeah. Yes. As I was going in, I messaged the group thread and was like, hey, I'm getting money changed.

Do you want me to just get some for all of you? Just transfer me. Like, I'll just get it for all of us while I'm in. And they were like, yeah, that'd be great. So I got 600 Australian dollars changed over. This God I love specifically, I feel like this is a very Asian thing, foreign currency, 600 Australian dollars, 8 million dong. Just like, fuck it. These currencies where it's like, what's a coffee over there?

Like $1,000? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, fuck it. These currencies where it's like, what's a coffee over there? Like $1,000? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Jesus Christ. What can I get for one dong? Exactly, yeah. I guess it's just like, it's kind of the same with yen. I guess they're just not dealing with cents. So there's no like decimal point.

So they're not like breaking it down. But still, it's fucking insane. And then they give you, I'm walking through the city and they give it to me in this like. point yeah so they're not like breaking it down yeah but still it's fucking insane yeah and then they give you i'm walking through the city and they give it to me in this like oh can i have a look at your dong this like special envelope yeah that's got the logo of the currency exchange place on it and it's like can you give me something a little more inconspicuous put in your wallet doesn't just scream to people i'm carrying around money does this mean that you don't have a wallet anymore is this is this part of the i'm Does this mean that you don't have a wallet anymore?

Is this part of the complaint? I'm just going to use this. Yeah. Do you have a wallet? Yeah. Well, why don't you just put the money in there? Well, it's just like a fat wad and they handed it over. Fat wad of dong. It's a fat wad.

There you go. There's 500,000 dong. Can I touch it? Can I touch your dong? I'm going to keep doing these ones. Do you want one of each? Do you want a... What color?

What's the biggest I've got? Yeah, 5, 2... What's the smallest? 100. What's the smallest dong you have? I think 100,000 is the smallest I've got. Which is... Let me do some...

Han, I'm just going to look up... I'm going to look up what 100,000 is. I'm going to look up how much is a coffee. Okay. Yeah. Vietnamese dong. 100,000 in AUD. Okay. All right.

All right. So there you go, Carl. There's 100,000 Vietnamese dong. Yep. That's in Australian. Yep. $6.33. Great. Great. In note form. That's dong. Yep. That's in Australian. Yep. $6.33. Great.

Great. In note form. That's great. Yeah. Well, you will be paying upwards of... What's a coffee worth in dong? If you're willing to explore tiny local street shops selling just the basic Vietnamese iced coffee, it will only cost you 6,000 dong.

But otherwise, if you go to a proper nice cafe, 12,000 to 20,000 dong. All right. So let's look that up. 6,000 dong. That's 38 Australian cents. Yeah, right. Or if I'm breaking the bank, what was it? 12,000 if I'm going to a proper cafe.

76 Australian cents. Not too bad. Yeah. Not too bad at all. Are you traveling or are you just going to one city or what are you doing? Hanoi for three days, city, then beach town for a week, then back to the city for a night, and then a cruise. So mostly just kind of staying put.

Not too much fucking around. What's the beach town? Hoi An. Oh, yes. Which I only realised, I can't believe I never put this together myself recently, but Adam Knox was asking me where I was going, and I gave him the itinerary and when i got to hoi an he quite rightly replied to me hoi an i was like yep i think i'm about to

ruin this holiday for the people i'm there with what are you looking up hoi an yeah i'm still looking up how much things are worth but But yeah, it's very cheap. It's a very cheap country. I was watching some YouTube stuff about it the other day. You're one of those people that get your money changed before you go. Did you check the exchange rate? I'm generally not good at that. I always forget and then I was just for whatever reason in the city getting a bunch of other stuff and just in a rare moment

of clarity I went, oh, I should get some money and I'll just get enough. I'll just message the others and see if they want me to get theirs as well. Then it's all done. Then it's all taken care of. Right. I mean, I don't know that there's like a ton of different, I mean, I know you're paying more at the airport but not, I mean, you're not losing fucking hundreds of dollars or anything.

Like you're being shortchanged a little bit, but it is a nice feeling to just go. It's done. Chuck it in the suitcase. Not worry about it. One less thing to fuck around doing at the airport, which let's be honest, is eating into valuable Hungry Jack's time. Yeah. It's, uh, what are you flying?

No, you'll be flying during the day. Yeah. 10 a.m. Flight. day. Yeah, 10 a.m. flight. Oh, good. 10 a.m. Get in it about late afternoon. I think nine-ish. What? No.

That's a long flight. It's, what is it? You mean nine-ish. No, Vietnam, what are you talking about? I think so. What are you saying? It's 11 hours. It wouldn't be nine over there for starters.

It is. I'll double check. But we do have- Oh, hang on. You've got to stop over. Got to stop over. Oh, there we go. Got to stop over for like an hour and a half.

Okay. There we go. In Ho Chi Minh. Right. I think- Yeah, I'm trying to remember. It might be- Maybe in my head I'm thinking because I would have done the maths

and just thought like by the time we're like at the hotel and ready to go, it'll be like nine-ish because I'm thinking about like, you know, getting there and like going out at night. So probably I think we, yeah, like seven or eight or something by the time we land in Hanoi. Yeah. But yeah, day of flying, 10.30 a.m. departure, get in the air, crack a beer, pre-midday. Flying with the most reliable airline out there or?

Vietnam Air, yes. Is it really? Yeah. Oh, wow. Well, I don't know if they are the most reliable airline, but we're flying Vietnam Airlines. Right, right. Not Jetstar. Yeah.

Thank God. Right. Fuck, that's brutal. We're flying with Vietnam Airline. Thank God. Right. Fuck, that's brutal. We're flying with Vietnam Airline. Thank God. Well, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what their reputation is.

I mean, it sounds like they're like the main one, so they're certainly not like, maybe not like a budget carrier. But, I mean, I really, I truly don't think it's possible. God, I don't want to jinx this. Touch wood. I don't see how it's possible to get worse than Jetstar. Their performances in the last couple of years have been unbelievable. Yeah.

They're not bad. Sorry, we said Jetstar. Sorry, your dog went mental. Yeah. Yeah. What's going on there? You're a Qantas dog. Firing up.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks, Scott McCock. Thanks, big dick up my ass, Scott. Okay. Yeah. Too much talk of Don, obviously. There we go.

Computer's gone to sleep. Stop licking me, dog. Yeah, sorry. What the fuck? Sorry. Kipi. You're barking at me. You're licking me. Jesus Christ.

He just doesn't understand podcasting, you know. He hasn't learnt yet. He's licking the UTA. I'm just worried something's going to happen to it. He might get slobbered. Yeah. Yeah. It's like there's too much dog liquid going inside the UTA. It's an expensive piece of machinery. Don't you understand? It might accidentally spit out like a dog themed name at some stage. Who knows? Possibly. Who knows? Anyway, well, I don't want you to be late for your flight to Vietnam in five days. Yeah, thanks. We better not do any more names.

You know what traffic's like. Yeah. I was going to do five more days worth of names, but we better watch the clock. Yep. All right. I want to put the neck pillow on now. A week out. Now, that's good.

That would be an interesting experiment put the neck pillow on just walk around for the next five days people asking you just going oh man just getting acclimatized just just you going to bed with it your girlfriend going yeah okay no pillows on the bed just me mattress and neck pillow and you're back up against the wall up against the head of the bed. Yeah, at like whatever angle the seat goes back to. I've researched it.

That's good. Yeah. Really just wanted to acclimatize myself for that eight hours so I have as comfortable as time as possible. I would say that's good

for funny fellas but I think it's too good. Someone acclimatizing themselves for the flight by wearing the neck pillow for a week, sleeping in their bed bolt upright on a shit angle. No, it's too nuanced for funny fellas.

Exactly. Just making your girlfriend sit in a lounge for herself every hour to just nudge you to wake you up. Oh, yeah. And offer you some food at 3 a.m. I want her bringing past a big drinks trolley that just smashes me in the arm every couple of hours. Yes, absolutely. Stale air. I've created a big drinks trolley. Yes. It just smashes me in the arm. Yes. Every couple of hours. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely.

Stale air. I've created a seal in the bedroom. Yeah. And then I fucked up with our air conditioning unit. So it's just this like brutal recycled air. Your girlfriend sits up and farts in your face every hour. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's a sketch. That could be up there with any of the other dog shit that gets on TV. All right. Let's do one more. Yep. Let's take another 30 seconds before we get to it probably.

Oh, really? Yeah, why not? Just want to stretch out a little bit. Yeah, just making the most of you being here. I'm getting worried now. I think I'm going to miss my here. I'm getting worried now. I think I'm going to miss my flight. I'm really worried now. This 30 seconds could be the difference between me getting on and not getting on.

Yeah. Shit. All right. Let's just do one more. Okay. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, okay.

This is weird. Thank you very much to Tambiet Comedy. Tambiet Comedy. Tambiet Comedy. Yeah, right. That's weird. It sounds – actually, it's weird timing because it sounds Vietnamese. Let me just look up what that means. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, it means goodbye. Goodbye comedy. So it's like goodbye to you but also, yeah, goodbye to comedy. I mean, yeah, that's what this show is. Well, that's what I'll be doing at the airport. I'm not doing gigs or podcasting over there. Yeah, yeah's what this show is. Well, that's what I'll be doing at the airport. I'm not doing gigs or podcasting over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll just be, goodbye, comedy.

Farewell for two weeks, comedy. I'll miss you. And then when you come back, of course, comedy will be standing at the airport holding a sign saying, Daslo, welcoming you back. No, it's like castaway. I come home, I go to comedy's house, and it's like I've moved on. Oh, is that what happens in Castaway?

I've met someone else. Is that what happens in Castaway? You know he goes and visits his wife? I've never seen that. She's like, I thought you were dead. Ah. I've moved on. He fucks up that beach ball instead.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Wow. I've seen it. Yeah. That's just, I mean, that's what I would do, that's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. exactly. Wow. You have seen it. Yeah. That's just, I mean, that's what I would do, that's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thanks, Tan Biet. Yes, Tan Biet.

Thanks, Tan Biet Comedy. Isn't that what Tom Ballard's on Facebook under? Yeah. What have we got? Are you going to get it spoken? Yeah. Tan Biet. Tan Biet.

Tan Biet. Tan Biet. Tan Biet. Tan Biet. Tan Biet. Sounds Rastafarian. Yeah. Now I want Tambiet. Tambiet. Tambiet. Tambiet. Tambiet. Tambiet. Sounds Rastafarian. Yeah. Now I want to know, hang on, now I want one more.

High kick. High kick. That'll be handy for you. That means comedy. Oh, okay, right, right. Yeah. That'll come in useful over there. Yep.

Yep. What are you doing? How do I say it in your language again? You say it exactly like this. High kick. Just doing Duolingo every night before I go, but just for one word. Yeah. Yeah.

That's funny. Vietnamese for comedy is high kick. High kick. So it's like... All right. It just sounds like... High kick. That actually sounds like Street Fighter or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Nice. Okay. Well, thanks, everyone. Thanks for supporting the Little Dum Dum Club on Patreon. Thank you for listening. Good luck doing some high kicks in Vietnam. Exactly. Nice. Okay. Well, thanks, everyone. Thanks for supporting the Little Dum Dum Club on Patreon. Thank you for listening. Good luck doing some high kicks in Vietnam.

Exactly. I'll try. I'll try and take our quirky look at life over to foreign shores. Thank you for listening. Just kicking someone in the head and going, sorry, I thought this was comedy. Yeah. I got it translated high kick.

I don't understand how languages work. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.