The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 668 - Dave Thornton & Ben Lomas

Episode Date: July 26, 2023

This week we're joined by DAVE THORNTON and BEN LOMAS! We give our potential new theme song it's first proper spin at the start of the episode and gauge our guests' reaction to it. Karl's been writing roast jokes and we all try to work out How'd He Get That, Dave's just back from Bali, and Tommy's getting ready to go to Vietnam. Will he get a job as a cruise ship comedian or will his boat get rammed to pieces? One thing's for sure: Comedyyyyy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Dave Thornton and Ben Lomas. The Little Dum Dum Club is on Patreon. You can get onto patreon.com slash little dum dum club, support the show, get two bonus episodes every week with special guests. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum, but until then enjoy this great new episode with guests Dave Thornton and Ben Lomas. That's podcasting, baby. Got us again. All kill

and no fill. Alright. Good night, Dickhead. God damn, we're going to have a rock solid hour. Is there anything more depressing? Fuck yeah! Hey mates! Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Daslow and with me as always Is there anything more depressing? It's Carl Chandler! Today's again. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome Dave Thornton and Ben Lomas! So good to be here. It's depressing. It's Carl Chandler. Today's the kid. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome Dave Thornton and Ben Lomas. Brady! It's depressing.

Welcome to Video Hits or whatever this show is now. Welcome to Dumb Dumb FM. Here we go, guys. We're in the cage. We're in the cage. Who wants icy cold ghosts? Where's the weirdest place you've had sex apart from up the arse? Give us a call.

The annoying thing about this new theme is I can't just drop it in in post. I have to play it in the room so that the guests get the full... It's good. It is good. It's really, really good. I mean, it's on trial. Let's just say it's a permanent new song. I reckon.

Let's say it's on trial. I'm looking forward to Jackie O joining the team. It's going to be really great. Finally, a lady to keep us wicked boys in line. Yeah. really great. Finally, a lady to keep us wicked boys in line. What's the ruling on when will this be deemed like it's proven itself to be the permanent theme?

Well, I mean, I don't know. I'm judging on the fact that our guests both laughed out loud at it. But that's good. It's a comedy show. Is that good? Yeah, that's a good reaction. Let's change the name of the title. Three Men and a Little Lady.

Oh, are you guys now permanent hosts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're part of it. Wow. God, no. Here we go. Tommy, you used to have to sit there and go, stop it. That's now your vocation, mate.

So thank you to Reverend Ivan, a band that we have that listen to the show, that whipped that up for us. I would like to be getting constantly updated versions with new little bits of audio drops in there. I think that's really good. I vote yes. And it's good to change things up on a podcast. That's bad when you vote yes because you only like things that are bad.

I admit I love bad comedy. There's nothing wrong. We all love a bad geek story or when you're back in the room watching someone pop. But that I I reckon, is genuinely good. It got me pumped up. You know, it's like,

it's a bit more like propulsive than our old theme, you know? And the little bits. You've got to come in hot. You've got to do breakfast radio. You've got to keep it light. I mean, I reckon I changed the depressing line, but...

That's the best bit. That's the only bit I'd keep. Can we have that looped and sampled and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's on your gravestone. There we go. But they had... Can we have that looped and sampled? Yeah. That's on your gravestone. There we go. But they had...

And also, I kind of like it as well because you could have put in all the phrases, like, you know, the clang. They didn't put any of the obvious ones in there. No, he went deep cut. I also feel like this episode will be, like, downloaded the most out of any episode because they'll download it,

listeners will hear that first 10 seconds and go, wrong podcast download it again and then fuck it's still got the wrong you don't really know how the metrics work to you yeah you clearly have never loaded it up or the other way because you can see when people drop out like how far in people listened on a lot of platforms now. So we just find people just diving off after the theme song. Just like, well, I've heard the best bit of the show now. I'm out. Yeah, we peaked early.

Yeah, fair enough. We could get it pressed onto vinyl. Yeah. To press onto vinyl. That's great merch. And then we could have a DJ set. I'll probably end up DJing weddings. Oh, jeez. to have a DJ set. I'll probably end up DJing weddings. There's something to shoot for, buddy.

Good to have you in, guys. But speaking of depressing, just a lovely welcome by Ben Lomas as he walked in today. He walked in, looked at me and went, what's wrong? You look fucking terrible. You look like the worst I've ever fucking seen you.

Do you have AIDS? Direct quote from Ben Lomas to me. There was concern there. There was like, what's wrong? Yeah, yeah. But I get it. You're playing to the gallery. Dastley's there.

Then Dastley goes out to open the door to Thornton. And then it's just me and him one-on-one. He goes, but seriously, why are you so fucked? Yeah, I've never seen you so tired. Now that the woman's out of the room. Ben's shed. But no, but it's double depressing because it's coming from Ben Lomas who looks like he applied for a job selling the Big Issue

and they said, no, no, not that homeless. We don't want someone looking that fucked. People who sell the Big Issue are really good people, Carl. I know that. They're really good people. I know, but I'm saying you look worse than them. That's what I'm saying. They look fine.

He's a Big Issue guy. Anyway, if you're listening outside Barclay Square saying you look worse than them. That's what I'm saying. They look fine. He's a big issue guy. Anyway, if you're listening outside Barclay Square, you're a great guy. I'm not a big issue of you. I thought you weren't burning your bridges so you could actually get work from them if things dried up. No, they do great for the homeless people of Victoria. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great. But you do look tired. Hopefully they'll do something good for you.

That's the same thing that you call. What's wrong with... You're respecting them more than you're respecting your mates. I know, I know. I know. I hope they don't cop what he's given me this morning. That's the same thing with you, Carl. What's wrong with looking exhausted?

That just means that you're like showing the world that you've got a lot on, that you're busy, that you're living a productive life. I think Tommy was right. It was a genuine concern because usually when I see you, you're always fit. You're always ready to go. You're always, you know, shuffling chairs and trying to get acts. You know, like I was begging you to be on this podcast. Begging you to be on this podcast. You're always ready to go. You're always shuffling chairs and trying to get acts.

I was begging you to be on this podcast. Begging you to be on this podcast. I said, book it in advance. I want to make sure. But why are you tired? You do look more tired than usual. I'm just a little bit tired. I don't know.

I didn't sleep that well. I was up late last night. I was up late. I was working. That's right. I was asleep last night. I walked home. I'm writing for a thing at the moment. There's a bit of a deadline.

And then I had to get up early and do a bit more of that stuff that's what it was he's on the coalface of comedy that's what's going on he's on the coalface of comedy so you finished your gig that you ran

late last night yes and then continued riding on the way home but you ride while you walk don't you yes what zingers did you ride

on the way home what zingers yeah well I'm riding for a roast at the moment so I was like that's why you're tired

because it's so out of your wheelhouse yeah yeah it's exhausting getting into the mind of a psychopath would that hurt their feelings

I'm not sure if this is a gag I'm losing sleep and I'm wrestling with the morality of what I'm doing so I was trying to go to sleep

I was just too excited I'm getting paid for this because you were hitting me I can't in good conscience email with an invoice I can't I thought the fee you sent me

was what I had to pay you for the honour of doing this job so you are you are working on it because I remember you were hitting me and you really really wanted to work on it

and so now you are working on it well I'm working for different people okay okay okay they're on it yeah yeah well that's good

I'm working for actually put it this way I'm working for two different comedians who both, okay. They're on it. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's good. I'm working for, actually, put it this way. I'm working for two different comedians who both of them said, now you're not writing for anyone else, are you? And me saying, no. Really? Yes. That's actually really, really funny.

I like in your wheelhouse, it's like, how do I slag people off in someone else's voice? Yeah, yeah, no, totally. Like, that's the range that you've got. No, but also I'm being paid by one person to slag off the other person. Yes. And vice versa. I'm being paid by that person to slag off that person. So Yes. I'm being paid by that person to slag off that person.

So you're sitting in your house like the Spider-Man meme where he's pointing at himself. Yeah, that's so funny. Like, this joke doesn't make sense. It will when the other guy absolutely kills you. Yeah, I don't want to go... One comedian's going, I don't want to go that hard on that guy.

It's like, you will when you hear what that guy's about to say to you. That is ridiculous. That is so awesome. So, are you going to set it up in a way that one person will win?

Do you know what I mean? No, no, no. Are you just going to be even? So, that's a killer line. Yeah, yeah. But surely you'd have like a favourite that is better on one side.

One's easier to write for, yes. One's easier to write for. Is that by saying they've got a lot to work with, with the person across from them? Great question. Oh, there's a lot going on. Let's not narrow it down too easily. This is the most diplomatic you've ever been on the show.

Yeah, I know. It's the only time I've ever been here. This is my dream job. I don't want to lose it. And he's exhausted too. I thought his defences would be down. Yeah, it makes sense now.

You're just like, this is the dream gig. You're just walking at home going, oh, I've got him. And then you've got another person on the other side,

I've got him as well. That's so funny. He's walking down the middle of the night with a massive erection. It's not what you think it is. I'm not at a park. I'm not some sex pest.

This is just comedy heaven. Yeah, just pants down, massive erection with a notepad. Just scribbling away. I've got him. And also I love the other element of it is because there are people that are writing for the network

that are writing and then I'm seeing the jokes that are sent out to the other comedians from them going, here's your suggested jokes. And I'm seeing them and I've got the Ben Lomas in me where I'm just like squealing going, oh my God, this sucks so hard. This is so exciting. This fucking sucks. I love the idea that there's someone Carl really wants to burn and he's like on the phone to the producers being like,

you should get this person on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust me, the zingers about them are going to be great. I don't know why we'd want your ex-girlfriend on this road. No, no, no. It just makes sense. If you send us a list of diversity. I'm a big white knight. Get more girls on the show.

You've sent us a list of people who've done one gig at Spleen. We can't really have them on. Hey, guys, talking about partners, I just want to let you know a couple of weeks ago, I found out, I did a gig, and found out the best event organiser in the Chandler family is not Carl. Oh, please. Share.

Shots fired. Shots fired. Here we go. There's someone better. Yeah. He runs three comedy clubs. Yeah. Well, I mean, mate, the proof is in the pudding.

Okay. I did a gig for his lovely wife. Don't say no. And then I didn't even at the gig. So it's a corporate gig. I just keep saying, hey, Carl's wife. It's the rules of the pod. You got the memento.

You got don't say her name tattooed on you just so you could be in the mirror every day remembering. And was it just you and Carl's wife? No, no. I was like, gee, okay. Do we have a lot of tight-fitting clothes? So she worked for a big company. So they needed someone to come in and MC a corporate gig.

So Dee Thornton's name came up. The king of the corporates. You are the king of corporates. Thank you, guys. And of course, before it started, I'm looking at his wife going, are you going to get up and just start? Are you going to give it a two-minute spiel? Guys, great show coming up.

They start getting into it. That's what I do at my clubs. I do... Okay, you come here for a reason. You fucking come here for a reason. I notoriously emcee the emcee because some of the emcees can't emcee. And Thornton text message 15 minutes before the corporate

is how you get booked for it. Yeah. Hey, Kappa just pulled out fucking blanky two minutes can you get here now this is a wild

corporate our first choice Kappa has pulled out so we're going to our backup again again corporate

for the big issue but yeah you know I reckon the funniest thing it was actually it was a fine gig it was good fun but I felt quite bad

because it finished and I was heading off the next day to go on holiday and I just I said to your lovely partner I was like look

you know I do have to cut and run wife, married you were the emcee at the wedding yeah yeah were you just rehashing

your speech yeah because at least you mentioned her name. I love that delicious low-hanging fruit. It's so easy, man. You're lucky you bought a fucking present, all right? Or I'd be going a lot harder on you right now. That is true.

But also, to credit, I've always said, best food I've had at a wedding. That was really good food. The best food I've ever had at a wedding. I didn't cook it, I didn't pay for it, but you right now. That is true. But also, to credit, I've always said, best food I've had at a wedding. Thank you. That was really good food. The best food I've ever had at a wedding. I didn't cook it, I didn't pay for it, but you're welcome.

Mind you, Lomas, do you remember that your lovely wife did get up and she started with, he's actually a nice guy. Yeah. And that killed. On the defence.

Maybe the biggest love of the time. Tell you what, I am starting to feel tired now. No. Like, no one had said anything. Already on the defensive. Oh, we've written off low maths. But, you know what? What I had to laugh at the end of this gig?

Because I said to her, I said, look, I'm sorry, like I do have to go because we still haven't finished all the packing to go tomorrow. And she's like, oh, no, it's completely understandable. Where are you off to? And I said, oh, we're going to Bali. And then it was like a captive just looking off on a thousand yards to say, like, if only we could go to Bali.

I said, it's kind of like Thailand, but it's different. And it kind of like, she didn't want to hear any more. Just why dangle this carrot in front of me? I'll never make it. It's like someone who's had, like, gay conversion therapy then watching The Mardi Gras. She's just like, bar, please? I've had that word programmed out of my brain.

It just reminded her of the huge four letters that are written on our wall at home. B-A-L-I-I with a big cross three. Was it good? Was Bali nice? Fuck it now. I can't believe I got you that sweet corporate gig that paid for you to go to Bali. Fuck it. Amazing.

Mate, it was the tits. It's pretty good there. It is very good. Yeah. Although we had... Oh, man. We had one day. This was the most brutal. It's pretty good there. It is very good. Yeah. Although we had, oh man, we had one day. This was the most brutal day that we had. So we went across to Lombok, which a friend of the show, Brett Blake, was roasting me online because I went,

oh, we're in Indonesia. And he's like, you're in Bali. Just say Bali. And I was like, well, technically I'm on the other island, but whatever. I don't think anyone from Perth understands that, but there's only barley no

all of Indonesia is barley I don't understand what you're saying can you be Rain Man but know nothing Drizzle Man alright someone

photoshop that up for us there we go Drizzle Man Drizzle Man. Drizzle Man's hilarious. You're not even the full quota of Rain Man. I do love that, though, being like, feeling like you don't want to admit that you're going to Bali. Actually, Drizzle Man's like a Jetstar.

Jetstar. Yeah. I do like being like, yeah, feeling self-conscious about saying you're going to Bali because it's too bogan and just saying Indonesia. The gentleman's Bali. Yeah, yeah, feeling self-conscious about saying you're going to Bali because it's too bogan and just saying Indonesia. The gentleman's Bali. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a traveller.

I'm visiting the country of Indonesia. Yeah, I'm having Italian tonight. You're having pizza hot come. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. I'm having some foreign food. Thank you. But it's only because we're at Lombok and we were travelling around a little bit and I've got a four-year-old and a six-year-old.

So it's kind of like the first time the family has traveled. Yeah. Like you've actually got to, not just turning up to a joint sit-in at a resort. You've got passports here to get all that jazz. All that jazz. Baby passports. No kids sitting on your knee or anything like that.

No, full fares. Yeah. Oh, man, full fares. Yeah. As a side note, I couldn't believe, and this is for you Jetstar to fucking listen to. We were flying legitimately on the flight home. We get in there and I was like,

hey, where are the screens? And she goes, yeah, there's none on this flight. Yeah. And I was like, it's not 1982 and we're on Ansett. This is an international flight. Where are the screens so the kids can watch a movie? And she's like, they're going to be installed soon. We spent six hours in the air and the kids didn't watch a movie.

One of my kids, another kid had a game of I Spy. Fucking hell, mate. But did they not give you... I Spy with my little eye. Something beginning with daddy doesn't have enough money. I was my little eye, daddy's up to the toilet again. Do they not have the screens that you can rent? No.

I know that's Jetstar's usual trick. They didn't have that. This is what happened. They didn't do that anymore. No iPads. Jesus Christ. Not on this flight. And then there was a kid in front of us who was watching his iPad.

My four-year-old stood between the cracks of the seats and just watched it with no noise for an hour. She watched Adam Sandler pixels with no noise. That's resourceful. That's good. I remember flying when I was a kid back and forth. I'm originally from the Netherlands. Oh, yeah.

We know. I remember they'd have one movie, maybe one or two movies on the leg, and it'd be on the big screen in the center. So you didn't get a choice of it. And I remember on one leg, it was the movie Stop or My Mum Will Shoot. It was a classic movie. But I remember everyone had to then was the movie Stop or My Mum Will Shoot. Right? Okay. It was a classic movie. But I remember, like, everyone had to then transfer when we got to Singapore. And then I remember, like, no one knew what the movie was.

And we sat down and it was Stop or My Mum Will Shoot again. And I heard a whole plane just go, oh, no. Not a, oh, I guess we're watching again. Yeah, that's bad enough once. Fucking hell. Yeah, I know. Hey, pilot know take it hey pilot

take it down he's done the only time I've let my wife be in charge of the flights is we did a we did a jet stuff flight to somewhere in Asia

probably Thailand I'm imagining but she bought and the thing made me furious because it was like alright we got a good deal but then she added

all the add-ons on I'm like that's how they fucking get you so she bought the food that was like expensive and then awful. And then she bought iPads. So we both had iPads.

And the iPads had three movies on them. And one of them was Iron Man 2. And the other one was Iron Man 2 in Chinese. So we had three choices and two of them were the same, except one of them you couldn't even watch. The fucking worst. Because we're gearing up for the international trip. So we're going all the way over. except one of them you couldn't even watch. The fucking worst. Because we're gearing up for the international trip,

so we're going all the way over. But this time the kids are older, but we still take a tablet with us just in case. This is the thing. I always go preloaded. I'm going to Vietnam on Saturday with my girlfriend and a friend and they're both like, I hope there's good stuff on the in-flight entertainment. They're pulling reinforcements for the war.

I'm like, why would you leave yourself in the hands of the in-flight entertainment program? Also, I logged on to the airline to choose our seats. And I don't know anything about the airline. Never flown them before. Oh, this is Vietnam Air. I'm like, are we going to get a meal? Is this going to be super budget or whatever? And I logged on to do the seats. Oh, Vietnam Air, I'm going, are we going to get a meal? Are we going to, you know, is this going to be like super budget or whatever? And I logged on to do the seats.

I'm going to say yes. I logged on to do the seat selection and it just had this little menu and under it was like, do you want to pre-purchase a cup of tea for $3? I'm like, I think we're in trouble here. I'd be loading up your entertainment girls. I don't think we're getting much in the way of...

You're going to hire an Etch-A-Sketch on the plane. I think a coloring book's going to be $15 when you get on the plane. Fucking hell. Oh, jeez. We should have loaded up. We absolutely should have loaded up. Like, that was on us. I need 17 hours of entertainment on the iPad minimum.

But usually now, last time we did, I don't know if it's still the case, that one of the hostess on the big international long-haul flights, one air hostess is supposed to be focused and be able to entertain the kids and they're the ones that you go to

and they'll have like stuff to give you or they'll keep them entertained for a little bit so I just reckon they just need they need a kids club

on the plane are they still letting you meet the pilot no are they still offering that I was banging on the door and they wouldn't let me in yeah because you look like you yeah come on Are they still letting you meet the pilot? No, no, no. Are they still offering that? I was banging on the door and they wouldn't let me in.

Yeah, because you look like you. Yeah. Come on. The girls are all... God, he is on the cover of this month's one. Yeah. I got to be honest, on a Jetstar flight, you'd be probably upper class business. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Rockefeller. I'll put the ponytail in. Please. You know, this was the one thing, though, on the trip. This was like the one day that it was completely fucked over. The two weeks, it was awesome. We were hanging out. You know, it was warm.

Everything you'd expect when you travel to a club. You look like you've had a holiday. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah. But this one day. He had one very recently. That's true. He's the king of holidays. He can have a holiday

with his family and then let the family go and then have a holiday by himself. That's a thing I actually did, yes. It's amazing. Can you imagine pulling that off? There's no way I could get away with that. Not a chance. Honey, you go home with the kids. I'll stay here. Well, you could do it, but that second bit of the holiday would then be

for life. You'd come home. Oh oh wow, this is going for years now. Happy divorce. Locks have been changed. Are you right? I do manage this extremely well and I'm very good at my job. My job.

It's a relationship. Love what you do And you'll never work A day of your life Happy anniversary Here's my invoice Yeah Yeah me and the miss

On Saturday Just going on a bit Of a corporate retreat Together Hey guys Do you charge Do you charge your wife GST Or is it off the books

What A few cashies A few cashies. A few cashies from my betrothed. Anyway, thanks for cleaning the glasses up at the end of the night. Appreciate it. Oh, Jesus. Put them in the sink. But this is the thing on this one day that we had

where I had to get a boat from Lombok back to Bali and it's two hours or three hours. It's that thing when you're travelling in a developing country where they go an hour and you're like, it's absolutely not going to be. It's going to be way longer. And on the boat ride over, it was fine. But I found out that was the exception, not the rule.

The water between Lombok and Bali is insane. There's huge waves, massive storms. And so on the way over they're like do you want to take some uh sea travel pills to make sure you don't get queasy and my partner's like no no we're not doing that and it was fine so then you got this false sense of security like everything's fine so we get on this boat to head back to bali and it is like an actual storm is coming over the horizon it starts raining and we when you're getting

on the boat do you see the storm coming in and you go is there another option can we go another day can we go another time or day

or do you but do you accept you're having to catch a flight I'm fucked here nah we kind of I think I Bill Paxton-ing it

just yes chasing the storm yeah we're going for it I think I've got a real dad travel thing on because I travel on my own a lot. I'm always like,

wow, look at this. I'm like a ninja. I know all the angles. And then when you're with your family, you're like, you are fucking everything. You are slowing me down. Yeah, totally.

And that's when you're trying not to lose them. You spend the whole time going, where are you? Can you please not walk away? You spend most of the time fucking doing that. Mate, when you're in transit too, it's just my anxiety is just through the roof because you're right.

They're like, what's that? And you're like, come here. We're going through immigration, mate. Stick next to me. When you turn into the person that you're annoyed at in front of you when you're traveling by yourself, that's just the worst feeling because you're like,

I've hated this person a million times in the airport. Yeah, and I think because, fair enough, my partner's always, she looks at me like, you travel a lot. So it's almost like, oh, so it's on me, is it? Like, everything's almost I'm the team leader

just because. Like, when you go to airport security, like, you have such a system. Like, you know, you just, and with children, you're like, how many of those

plastic containers are we using? I think we're using all 30 of them to put shit in. And then there's a person who's clearly in a suit going, fucking hate you

I'm literally jumping under those like Q divider things like the ropes I'm jumping under them going hey guys come on

jump under them let's get the shortcut it's like I have a pram but so yeah we're on this boat trip and it starts kicking in like the waves are huge

right and my partner's not great with travel she's just the first one to go like they've got vomit bags in front of you like i guess they do on flights and things but she's just like i'm no good so she was saying no to the anti-queasy pills but then she's the first and then she's like oh this is no good grabs a bag she's honestly the first one here we go no no just good eating Classic Brunswick No no Just good eating

Or get your Got it here in Madre That's where we shop That's where he shops I do yoga every morning I can't get seasick Yeah Yeah

Tough day at the office For Thorno So she's going And then it's like It sets off the whole cabin Like there's about Oh really Stand by me style

Yeah A hundred people On this boat and everyone. And I learnt afterwards that it happens a lot. Like people, if you've at all got any travel sickness, you're going. And on particular routes. Like if you fly from Perth to like, what is it? Like to Broome, like that stretch. Like this plane smell like spew because you've got the crosswinds and it's just bouncing all the time.

People spew all the time. We flew from Perth to Geraldton and I was just like, why does this plane smell like spew? And they're like, yeah, because of the crosswinds. Mate, this was full on. That's why we don't have any tablets.

They've got spew in them. Did you take tablets? But then I didn't take tablets on this trip and I don't get travel sickness or anything like that. And I held on, but I was still like, this is a lot and then nikki my partner goes into the back and she's then just she's it's on yeah like she's just and she sat out the back and what are the kids doing well the kids are next to me then my oldest is freaking out. The youngest is just like, okay, and then just yacks.

Oh, yes. And so we're just like, we've got everything. It's just like, and the crew on this boat are just grabbing bags and going, yeah, I'll take that one, I'll take that one. And then they go out the back, throw it out, put the mop out in the sea, and then drink it back in to mop up all the vomit. Great.

Jesus Christ. This is two hours, right? Jesus Christ. We've got to get across. Two hours on up all the vomit. Great. Jesus. This is two hours, right? Jesus Christ. We're going to get across. Two hours on the boat? Yeah. That's horror. And with kids, that's four hours.

It was insane. So we get to, there's the first port we go to, and we're supposed to go another hour down to the port we're supposed to get to. And I'm like, nah, we're getting out of here. Yeah, right. So I get out. And Nikki even said to me, she goes, I couldn't believe that you said it because I couldn't even articulate the words.

I go, I can't keep going. And I'm just like, we stop and I look at her and I go, we're going now. So I grab the kids, let's go. And the guys are like, what's your luggage? I'm like, just grab it to me, give it to me. And because it's in this developing country, they just got, like it's all over the shop. Like they go, no, we put it in a truck and then we drive the truck out.

And I'm like, just give me my luggage. And it's pouring down rain. And then we're like, give me the luggage. And the guy's like, no, no, it it in a truck and then we drive the truck out. I'm like, just give me my luggage. And it's pouring down rain. Yeah. Oh, great. And then we're like, give me the luggage. And the guy's like, no, no. It goes in the truck. And you're like, what?

And then finally, we're waiting for the truck as it's loaded up, just drives to the car park and goes, yeah, get it. Like I'm standing in the rain for five minutes for no reason. Yeah. But that's like anything. Or it's a developing country. That's like you go to Hungry Jackson and go, can I have a bit of onion on that one? It's like, yeah, we can't do that. Yeah anything like it's alright to say developing country that's like you go into Hungry Jackson go can I have a bit of onion on that one

it's like yeah we can't do that they're systems and no one cares enough to be able to you know go against the system they're just like

this is what we do I'm not going to change it I don't know in this franchise who am I to change things so we finally get it and we get you know

a cab driver and I said right we've got to go now to Ubud which is i don't know how far away but we're like we have to get there let's go blakey he'll let us know and then so make it there for happy hour it only goes for 23 hours a day and they walk in and they're like oh it's drizzle man drizzle man it's Drizzle Man. Drizzle Man.

Drizzle Man. And so we get in there and he's, same thing, he goes, oh, this will take an hour, an hour and a half, two and a half hours later.

Great. We're just in traffic. Nicky's like, just been fumbling all day. But again, way better than what it was. Yeah, way better.

Way better. But, and we got to find this accommodation. Of course, he's trying to find ways but then gets on a one way street and he's like oh it's back there

and we're like just give us our luggage we'll walk so the boat was meant to take you all the way there you've gotten off early so now you're doing this drive to get to where

yeah right right we had to drive anyway but then you're just like screw it whatever we'll just get the cab from here were the kids sick? yeah my youngest was but she just gave it a yak

and then was like I'm fine but they were still freaking out a bit because they're Brunswick kids this is the gnarliest thing they've ever done hands down yeah yeah and i've got to do the dad thing of going this is fine inside you're like this is absolutely fine yeah that's the worst bit where you try to pretend you're not scared we're like everything's okay yeah and then you're just like no it's not and they can smell it on you

like yeah yeah mate I'm already thinking forward you know what I mean I'll be on some island I mean at least Tom Hanks just had a ball I got two kids

that go no no no this isn't gonna end well and and we finally get there and I just give us the luggage we'll walk to where we need to go

we don't have internet so we're just like mate can we just take a photo of the map then and so that'll send us on our way yeah because you can't old school yeah yeah we get out straight away as we found we realized afterwards in the wrong direction great just going up a street going what's going on yeah my kids like is this doing that thing again is everything fine daddy

it's fine and they're like it's not they know yeah that's i remember that like having moments like that when you're a little kid where it dawns on you you're like dad has no fucking idea like oh the guy who's like my god who's like takes care of everything he's lost i'm gonna die well i'm holding like 20 kilogram luggages and stuff and you know the youngest is like i don't want to walk anymore yeah yeah can i piggyback on you And you're like, you are kidding me, mate. I remember as a kid once we were flying to Holland and on the way to Abu Dhabi, because they used to do two stops.

And I remember there and then my mum going, oh no. And then there was part of the wing had fell off the plane. What? Part of the wing? Hang on, hang on. When you were on the plane at this point? Yeah, we were on the plane. So there was like metal bits

you know the metal bits like quite a few of them came off yeah and we were on the wing and I remember my mum just looking at it and I was like

mum are we going to be okay and mum goes can I go have a drink and I remember and then we landed in I think yeah Abu Dhabi oh you were in the air yeah in Colombo

yeah we were in the air you were in the air and the metal bits fell off yeah yeah fell off and everyone was looking outside and I remember the buyer Yeah in Colombo Yeah we were in the air You were in the air And the metal bits fell off Yeah yeah fell off And everyone was looking outside And I remember the buyer going Hey guys You probably know something

Different about the wing That's not a haircut And then I remember We landed in Colombo Right And then And then they had to get Like wait for parts

From like Europe to come over And then we spent the night But I just remember like The fear In my mum's. Absolutely. Yeah. She's just like, oh, part of the wing's fallen off and I've got my kids on this.

It's like a Twilight Zone episode. Yeah. A little gremlin on there. Mum, shh. Sylvester Stallone's about to do some more acting. Oh, it's the woman from The Golden Girls. That's cool. Oh, I love this bit.

We've already seen it four times. And in a pinch, your mum's like Double scotch I think she ordered Something like that I remember like She ordered A really like I remember like

Because my mum Isn't a big drinker I remember her just going Yeah but when wings Are falling off Fuck Let's convert Yeah yeah yeah

I'm not a pilot But I know you need wings That's not great But So this is for us We're there And we're like On this street

We're like We don't know how to get To our accommodation and it starts bucketing down again and also that great feeling of like fuck it's a fair way away and we've also just added to it

by going the wrong way totally so we've added to it all we just go into I don't know what this business was you know like it was just a stall thing with a family house

at the back and we're like we need internet and they've got no English and they're just like and we're like we need internet and we just grab even like the girl's phone and we're like we just need to they've got no English and they're just like and we're like we need internet and we just grab

even like the girl's phone and we're like we just need to see what this thing is and we have gone way off the beaten track and it's now a half an hour walk

to get to this thing right we I gotta give it to Nikki like she's vomited all day and she just goes I can't deal with this just stands out in the road

stops a van and the guy's like, no taxi. And then I pull out the equivalent of 10 Australian dollars. And he's like, taxi. We put all the luggage in there. Again, my kid's like, is everything fine, daddy? He's like, it's fine. And I'm just freaking out.

Kids in the front, you in the back. What? Yeah. And then, so this guy drives us to get where we need to go. And it's just a reminder when you're in a developing country where you're like,

oh man, look, you just can't expect everything like you do at home because we get to the Ecom. It's bucketing down. This old boy who was actually,

we'd stayed there for a couple of nights and he was actually good fun. And he's just like, g'day guys, how are you going? You're like, how do you think we're going? Like we're like drowned rats.

Our luggage is wrecked. And he goes, internet's not working here. And I'm like, G'day guys, how you going? You're like, how do you think we're going? Like we're like drowned rats. Our luggage is wrecked. And he goes, internet's not working here. And I'm like, cool, okay. But it's 7.30 at night. We're staying here. And I said,

we need some food. My partner's been vomiting and he goes, oh, from Lombok, eh? Yeah, no good. And I said, where do we get food? And he goes,

ah, you know, 20 minute walk down that way. I'm like, well, I'm not walking in this horrendous rain. And he goes, no, no, no, no, order on your phone. And I'm like, the internet's down. He horrendous rain and he goes no no no order on your phone

and I'm like the internet's down and he goes yeah and then just walks off nice and that was us we just went to bed

after vomiting all day productive day yeah what a great day a day like that on holiday when you're like yeah I've paid for this I saved

yeah but we're going on we're going on a cruise for three days While we're in Vietnam I love cruise Cruise ship comedian Tommy Daslow

Yeah exactly Entertaining the Vietnamese masses Yeah yeah yeah You'll probably see me On the boat We You know

Watch Vietnamese For Harold Holt again Yeah And if you're going to ask me Do I do the accent Of course I do. You know they've got a pool called the Ho Chi Minh Pool? A bit weird, don't you?

Yeah, we really researched this cruise. It looks really nice, like a really nice boat. Leaving from Australia? No. Pardon? Leaving from Australia? No, no, no. Just three days up there in the bay.

Is it doing the old cruises where they go around in circles in the ocean and then come back to the same port? Or are you actually heading to another port? No, yeah, it's going out. You stop and you bike right around some little villages. You're kayaking through some caves and stuff. That would be so funny if you do that there, where you go out into international waters and do a few laps

because it's like, yeah, if you go to international waters, everything's cheaper. You're in Vietnam. No. Coffee's three cents. It is. Also, you're probably in the South China Sea,

which means you'd be a threat to China. Put your war helmets on. Coffee's two cents less. We are getting bombed, but we're making money out of here. There we go. But if you can think of a better way to watch a cockfight,

I'd like to see it. Why are we waving the Chinese flags? Just do it. So, yeah, we researched, you know, where you don't get great-looking boat, like pool up on the deck, and you do cruise around for a bit, you stop and do little activities and stuff.

Looks beautiful. Really happy with the cruise. for a bit. You stop and do little activities and stuff. Looks like beautiful. Really like happy with the cruise. Vietnamese cruise ship. Yeah. I just. It just sounds like this is the last time we're ever going to see you. No. Well, well.

Well, to be honest, I think now you're the happiest refugee. That sounds like a better boat than Ando went on. That sounds great. Oh, finally someone's stealing from him. Oh, nice. Yeah, great. Oh, finally someone's stealing from him. Oh, nice. Yeah, great. Oh, here we go. I hope you enjoyed that one.

Tommy's cartoons with fame. Oh, yes. Yes. Okay. I don't mind this. Doing his little doodles. I don't mind this. Is everyone looking at the entertainment?

Okay. Just me with an easel talking to Amanda Keller. So do you like roller skating? Everyone likes roller skating. Yeah, because there's so many different cruise ship companies. We were like, you know, you're really stressed about finding the best one, the one that looks really nice and chill, feel like we've got it booked in. And then a guy that I know who actually used to do comedy,

he's over there now and he was posting that he's on that same boat and so i messaged him and i'm like oh man um looks amazing i'm actually gonna be there in like a week how is it and he's like oh look the boat's been really nice the only bad thing has been while we're out on the water some of the other cruise ships have been ramming us he's's like, I guess it's not very regulated over here. Ramming you? I'm glad that's the only thing. Really nice. Really nice apart from this.

Footnote. It's like, what are they running this like Mario Kart out there in the bay? What the fuck's going on? I never saw it coming. Vietnamese dodgums. I like this. Which, yeah, weirdly I'm like. Mario Kart out there in the bay? What the fuck's going on? I never saw it coming. Vietnamese dodgums. I like this. Which, yeah, weirdly, I'm like... Is someone jumping up to grab hold of the pole on the top of the cruise ship

to guide it back around? I mean, I'm not great with, like... I have that thing on a holiday where you relax, where it's like I only have so much before I'm like, I want to go for a walk, you know? I want something to happen. So this has actually made me more excited. You know, just lying up on the deck, getting some sun.

At the moment, I'm getting a bit bored. It'd be great getting T-Bone, a massive container ship. It'd be fun. Just you and your girlfriend measuring the doors that are on the ships, figuring out whether you're both going to fit on it once the thing capsizes. Well, I'm packing light so if we get ram you know if we get rammed I can jump aboard them yeah take over the

neighboring boat yeah how big how many people are on the boat like how big is it like a proper cruise cruise ship this is because some

of them they're like massive and then we wanted one that was like you know enough people around single boat yeah I was gonna say I think you need the

big one now from what I gathered you want the biggest alpha yeah we're on a budget we're on a dinghy we're on a little dinghy looks nice though you're on a paddle boat nice yeah I think ours is the big one now. From what I gather, you want to be the biggest alpha. We're on a budget. We're on a dinghy.

We're on a little dinghy. It looks nice, though. You're on a paddle boat. Nice. I think ours is like 20, 30 rooms or something like that. It's not massive. There's like hundreds. I was going to say, people ramming those big motherfuckers. Who gives a fuck?

That's a bit of entertainment. Someone ramming a 30-seater. I think you're in trouble here. Now I'm seeing. We kind of thought, you don't want anything too big. You don't want to be on one that's like crowded with people but now I am seeing

the logic in getting the most sturdy vessel. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Next time you go to book a cruise ship say, have you got anything ramable?

I need something that you can take a hit. Have you got anything with little bumpers around it perhaps? Or join the Navy. See how you go with that. Just get on a battleship.

I might pack my cannon. I wasn't going to. Makes sense. Pack my that. Just get on a battleship. I might pack my cannon. I wasn't going to. Makes sense. I've had a few people, weirdly a few listeners who live in Vietnam hit me up. There's one guy like, hey, you said your itinerary on the pod and you didn't mention this place, but this is where I live. So how about you come take a day trip and we'll have a beer? I'm like, no worries.

But we're going to Hanoi come to me i mean i've flown all the way to vietnam but no worries we're starting off book a live show and they definitely won't come uh we're starting off in hanoi flying into hanoi there for three days and yeah a listener who lives there hit me up and was like hey you know happy to send you some recommendations or you know look if you've got time and you want to get a beer i'd be happy to like you know show you around the show you around the city should take you to some cool places i'm like oh that's very nice of you like yeah i think there'll be time for that i'll like you know let you know a bit closer to the time and then so this guy's messaged me over facebook so i'm like you know let's let's go on this guy's

page you know sort of see yeah get a bit of a flavour of him. Wonder what he does, like as an expat living in Vietnam. What's your job? What do you do? What this man does in Hanoi is he runs a weekly comedy club. Oh! Which, no mention of like, would you like to do a spot? Just like going through his page and just looking at the posters every week.

And it's just the same four like expats and like the Vietnamese people like, oh man, throw the offer out. Hey, if we can catch up before 8.30, I've got some work on. And then after 11, you can come and grab a beer. You'd be bored. You wouldn't be interested.

You wouldn't get it. Yeah, but I'll go, hey, and tonight at work, I'm short staffed. I've got no one to fill in. Yeah, we'll catch up after. Yeah, honestly. It has been a nightmare. Sorry, there has been something happening. Tommy, could you come along and work the bar?

I'm busy for two hours. Why don't you go see Oppenheimer? It's just come out. That'll be more up your alley, and then we can meet up afterwards. Wow. Brutal. Yeah. was why don't you go see Oppenheimer? It's just come out. That'll be more up your alley and then we can meet up afterwards. Wow. Brutal. Yeah.

I've got some new stuff I want to, you know, I'm too nervous to try it here and that, you know, what if it bombs? Yeah. Over there. You've got to work it on land before you take it on the cruise.

Yeah, that's true. Exactly. I need to try my material for the cruise. I do. I would love to put a show on on the cruise. That's the dream. You do them. I love doing the gigs on the cruise.

I reckon they're the best. Cruise ship comedian. They're the best. They're so much fun. They are really much fun. I mean, if you think about it, Ben gets accommodation. Gets his hair washed. It's good to take him off the street.

Yeah, totally. I might get on there and have a good rest. Good to be here, although I was getting rammed this afternoon,, totally. Good to be here. I might get on there and have a good rest. Good to be here although I was getting rammed this afternoon so it's good to be anywhere. Round of applause. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyone capsized recently? I would love that if you had a cruise ship comedian on your one. If you've only got like 30 rooms on your little ship. Oh yeah, just haven't read the itinerary correctly

and then we get on and it's like, I actually haven't, yeah, after we go kayaking around the caves, what happens? What's this? Performance it's like, I actually haven't, yeah, after we go kayaking around the caves, what happens? What's this? Performance by Harley Breen.

And then the crowd worker is just not you. It's just like, fucking look at room 32 over here. To be honest, that would kill me. You're on the,

you're on the seas, you're like, I'm still doing 30 seaters. This is fucking killing me. Even here, I'm an international comedian over here. I'm still not, Management papered half of it

But they're here They're here I still can't feel this dirty CD Yeah we got rammed People drowned They fell overboard As they cling to the light But what do you do for a living?

My firing is just me Door knocking all the rooms That haven't shown up. Please, come on. What are you doing? Just looking out the window. I am the festival. It's just me.

Come on. Hang on, hang on. I'm in a 30 roomer. I can't get on the gala on this thing? What? Yeah. This is quite the little tour I've put together. I thought I was having a holiday

Now I'm working Doing things every night Do the boat gala Do road show on land Yep That'd be good Yep Well yeah

Go and sign up Mmhmm And you want to do a gig on land Because then you can make The whole trip tax deductible That's how it works right Yeah Yeah I think I will have left

Hanoi by the time this goes up So I love the idea that If I hang out with this guy, I just don't say anything about the club. Yes. Then a week later this goes up and he's listening. He's like, you son of a bitch. But you try that.

Like I did when I went to Bali. I actually did reach out to be like, I'm going to do a spot for that exact reason to see if I can get some of it back on tax. But then like very quickly the guy, I was like, oh, you know, you put shows on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you want to do? And I was like put shows on yeah yeah what do you want to do and I was like

what do you mean what do I want to do what do you how do you run the show and he goes I don't know what do you want to do and I was like

what this is so weird but it's a comedy club well that's what I was like I was like you're a comedy club like I assumed you know you'd go well I don't know

just give me a spot or whatever were you asking to just like drop in but he's thinking that you're saying you want to like set up your own

Dave Thornton life where can I get a unicycle in this town? I don't know what he wanted. It was like turning up to a restaurant and he's like, but what do you want?

Surely you've got a finite amount of things back there. Show me what's possible. You tell me. Someone rang me the other day because I've got

my number on for Basement Comedy Club reopening. This will be re-opened another time. Oh, I've heard. The renovated Basement Comedy Club. But someone rang up because it's that number, Basement Comedy Club and. This will be re-opened by the time. Oh, I've heard. The renovated Basement Comedy Club. But someone rang up

because it's that number, Basement Comedy Club and they rang up and they go, what are you going on tonight? I'm like, oh, you know, there's comedy.

He goes, yeah, but nah, not interested in that. Interesting thing to ring then. He's like, live bands tonight? And I'm like, live bands?

He goes, yeah, live bands. What sort of live bands are you going on tonight? I'm like, who have you called again? And he goes, Basement Comedy Club. I'm like, any clues in He goes, yeah, live bands. What sort of live bands are you on tonight? I'm like, who have you called again? And he goes, Basement Comedy Club. I'm like, any clues in the name or anything like that?

She's like, yeah, but I just thought that's just a name. It's just a random name I've come up with to cover for the fact I have live bands every night. That is amazing. That's funny. That is funny. It's like when you go into McDonald's, there's no one there actually called McDonald's.

I know. There's just burgers in there. So maybe this guy in Hanoi doesn't even run a comedy club at all. He just manages bands. Yeah, it's a bar and me. It's a bar and me stand. Which last time I checked, you did play drums quite a bit. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, stop holding out on me. Stop being cheeky on this one. Wednesday, CDC phone. Yeah. Come on. me yeah stop being cheeky on this one jesus wednesday cdc phone yeah that's what i should really be looking to do my drum kit's in storage at the moment so i'm i'm itching yeah to have a hit of the skins yeah just be walking into every bar can i please play your drums oh please do it like i've been to thai bars where it's really clearly there's people that have walked in off the street and gone can I have a go

and they're like what do we care we're playing the same three songs over and over if this guy asks me to do a gig at his comedy club I'll go

on one condition you find me a drum kit I tell you what and then do it so just play the drums and do jokes in the same bar perfect

fuck yes like Spiderman mate I mean that's like Daryl Summers mate yes the drums dripping off the zingers he might be the cruise ship comedian Fuck yes Like Spider-Man Mate I mean That's like Daryl Summers mate Yes The drums dripping off the singers He

He might be the cruise ship comedian On your boat The dazzler Here's a big tip Learn the drums to It's My Life By Bon Jovi Oh okay

They Fucking Love that song In cover bands in Asia I don't know why I thought you were saying No doubt I'd prefer that

No no no It's'd prefer that no no no that's a great song that's the superior it's my life well it's not it's not no doubt I do like how you pointed out

you've been to Thailand he's gone to Vietnam you're like they all love it yeah hang on I'm being racist about cover bands

is that what I'm doing yes yes you are yes you are yes they all love it over there do they I think some countries Is that what I'm doing? Yes, yes you are. Yes, yes you are. They all love it over there, do they? I think some countries might not like Bon Jovi. Sorry, I'm being cancelled for insinuating that all of Asia loves Bon Jovi.

Sorry, guys. No, your defence should be that's the exhaustion speaking. Maybe some countries are more like a slippery when wet, like in the earlier stuff, do you know what I mean? Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What's it called? Living on what's it called living on a prayer living on a prayer yeah that guy

Jesus next year they all like noodles racist open your mind yeah how does it's my life go it's my life

no but the drums goes now or never I ain't gonna live forever but isn't the drums where it goes Yes That's all it is Yeah, great intro

Okay, I'll just be singing that crew on the Titanic style As our cruise is sinking After it's been rammed 18 times James Cameron will love this Boom, boom, it was my life It was now and now it's never. I ain't going to live forever. And then as the ship's going down, you're like,

who's on the gala now? I'm killing. All your cartoons of your partner just falling off to sea. Just like Jack had the sketches. Doodle me like one of your French girls. Thornton was having a sulk about spewing must be nice

that's such a funny like yeah Jack in Titanic but he's a character artist and it's like Kate Winslet nude on the couch

and then he's like spins it around she's got a fat nose just like huge huge always roller skates

tits twice as big as her head. Pretty funny, right? Larry Pickering style. Oh, man. I can't wait for this trip. This is going to be really pray love for me. I'm going to come back with a renewed appreciation for comedy,

some new musical skills. Next week I'll be doing auditions for a new co-host of the show. It's going to be excellent. New theme song. We're going to have to re-record that already. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. I'm going to have to write some handover notes for the editing and everything

and just give them to you just in case so you can pass them off. Now I actually am as tired as I look. Yeah. Is that it? Is that the end? This has worn me out. No, we've got a bit to go. Have we? Yeah. Now I actually am as tired as I look Yeah That was good Is that the end? I enjoyed that This has worn me out No we got a bit to go

Oh have we? Yeah We've done like We've barely We've done 48 minutes Oh is that it? Yeah Any other dumb shit

Happen in your life guys? It does feel like It's been 90 minutes Doesn't it? Yeah It feels like we've been We've got to stop Talking shit for an hour

Before the show starts Yeah I know Or I've got to covertly Just start recording it And then we're just like Getting it in the reel Getting it in the tank anyway Yeah that's true stop talking shit for an hour before the show starts yeah I know or I've got to covertly just start recording it and then we're just like getting it getting it in the reel

getting it in the tank anyway there's ten minutes of us hanging shit on other comedians and industry talk and going I hope you guys

like this yeah exactly we had um you were talking I wouldn't have been too bad too because then if you did all that

and you're Vietnamese comedy booker would be like could you get those guys on those guys that you crapped on for the first be like, could you get those guys on? Those guys that you crapped on for the first 20 minutes in your pod. Yeah, those guys sound really good.

Yeah, we don't need you. God damn it. Well, the run I've made for my own back now is that, like, you think that, you know, you hope you go, oh, two weeks away, maybe some, like, funny stuff will happen for the pod, but what we've hypothesized about the trip, no reality can possibly live up to. If your boat doesn't get rammed, it's a shit holiday.

You need that to happen. This is just what this podcast is becoming. Men, you doing tag teams of going to Asia and coming back and reporting on silly things that happen. Yeah, pretty much. It's not a bad little angle. I've got something to add. So I see a lot of your fans at warm-up gigs. I do.

And the term I'm... Wait, how do you know that? Is it the T-shirt? No, no, no. Wait, I'll tell you. Because it got fucking awkward. Our guy's big fans of free comedy. Yes, yes.

And also not much going on at 2 p.m. on a Monday. But then also... What a big time. 2 p.m.? Make it 11 a at 2pm on a Monday. But then also... What a big time. 2pm? Make it 11am on a Wednesday. Oh, the comedy hour. I'll have to delay polishing my sniper rifle, but I guess I could make it.

But it happened not once, but twice, where there's like a group of audience and this woman goes, Ben, oh, I'm aware. But then everyone goes, is he gay? What? Like, everyone's like, I'm aware. But then everyone goes, is he gay? What? Like, everyone's like, what is he aware of?

And I remember all of them. Just in your head. What a conceit where you hear, like, you know, Rock Hudson and Elton John, where everyone was, like, in hindsight going, oh, yeah, okay. That makes sense. You just do entire shows about your family. Yeah, yeah.

And having a wife. And I'm aware. They're like, you are kidding me. Get this facade up. Also, aren't they supposed to keep themselves looking a bit nicer in the kids' show? It's called being a bear, Carl. Okay? I'll get you back.

A homeless bear. A hot homeless bear. Is he looking for Goldilocks' house or what? Yeah, Ben's family. Definitely not Goldilocks Is your kink That your partner's got Fleas and locks

Get on with it Fuck you I can't think about that one Okay It was all good Alright Oh boy Sorry for bringing content

So you're getting hassled At warm up No My favourite always Is the one guy Where it's like It's a very small crowd and I have to, like, prep them before we go into the studio.

And then we go, hey, guys, it's all about, you know, having a great time, you know, and then halfway through he just goes, it's comedy! Well, you know what? Not long after me and my girlfriend got together, she met you at something and then she remembered that she had been to the project years ago before us being together for a taping and she said there weren't any...

What sort of a repressed memory is it? Oh, I went to the project once. Yeah, yeah, I'm still not right. I'm still not right. Well, the news was particularly brutal that day. Yeah, right. I didn't think they'd deliver it that differently. I think they'll deliver it that differently.

They need to give you those anti-queasy pills before you eat. But was it towards the end of the project where I had to travel in the elevator with them and I'm like, I hate my job. So she got there and there were not that many people in the audience and you were in that little holding room where you do the spiel. I love to walk out from the writer's room and just silently watch Lionel

until he feels my eyes on him and then goes, get out of here! It's the hardest bit. You said you were really selling it in the waiting room, doing your best to pump everyone up and then you walk them over to the elevator and you get into the elevator and you push the button and there's five of them in there and you just go.

I get about towards the end. What are you praying for the cable to snap or something? The elevator goes down. No, you're actually praying for the lift to get stuck. That's what you're praying for. Mate. Because you're just like, I've just got to go. Mind you, the amount of times,

because the toilet is just around the side so quite often you finish rehearsals and then it's just go for a quick wee break before the show kicks off and then because you've only

got 87 ad breaks that you can possibly do while you're on there's no point and you've got to do it now and then the times I've walked out of the toilet and people walking by

and they're like oh. It's not going to be Pete tonight is it? Nope. But it's funny when you do have to say when I do the front bar I have to say that it's not Sam Bang and people are devastated

they're devastated if Fitz is here we're not going to fight we want Sam he's probably a man on television alright well we better leave it there for another instalment of the little dum dum club He's probably a man on television. All right. Well, we'd better leave it there for another installment of the little Dumb Dumb Club. Ben and Dave, thank you for joining us. Thank you.

Things to plug. Yes, I do have a plug. We're doing a big final Fitbit episode on the 16th of September at the Comics Lounge at 6.30. So this is our final 250th episode. We're saying goodbye to the pod. So if you want to come

see that with a whole bunch of guests the 16th of September. And now you're not doing the weight loss pod you can let loose and really blow out. Yeah.

You know what? You know what? You know what the most refreshing you know what the refreshing thing about that? Imagine they just finished by getting a family meal KFC.

Both of them. Hang on. Finish your start as well. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, you know what the refreshing thing about that imagine they just finished by getting a family meal KFC both of them hang on finish your start as well wait wait wait wait you know what I find refreshing that it came from Tommy and not him yeah yeah

well we've had the like we've had the surgery where we've got like a mind meld and pal can telepathically kind of use me as a ventriloquist Tommy

let's finish this and let's work on some roast material together please Tommy oh so good let's try and get Lomas on this let's work on some roast material together, please, Tommy. Oh, so good. Let's try and get Lomas on this thing. Sorry, don't mention roast in front of him. That's our friend.

Anyway, tickets available at Tribooking. September 16th. Yes, please. You and Dil, check it out. Final episode. Big final ep. It's going to be fun. And then we're doing a big stand-up show afterwards.

Oh, cool. Nice. So, yeah. It's going to be fun. And then we're doing a big stand-up show afterwards. Oh, cool. Yeah. Nice. So, yeah. Dave Thornton. I will be bringing the defibrillators to that live show just in case their hearts give out. Lubing up the doorways. By the way, by the way, fuck you all.

Okay? Do you want me to see if they have any cheap ramps in Vietnam? You know what? Try and pinch the plastic chute that they get off the side of the plane, you know, in case it lands in the water. That's how we enter side of stage. I was like, we're wrapping up a bit early, but I've got a feeling we'll get carried away in the plugs.

The plane slides. You know the way I was like, in my head, I was like, when I promote this, I'm fucked. You get airlifted in like racehorses. Anyway, what have you got to plug, Dave? Is that your opening line to the last episode? Sorry Anyway What have you got to plug Dave? Is that your opening line To the last episode?

Welcome to the last Episode of Fitbit It's fair to say We failed We didn't fail Okay We didn't fail Carl We've got a great community

And we're sad To see the podcast end Okay There'll be none of this Kind of talk On stage I wish there was Yeah what

Big funny Hey It's a good podcast. Jesus. It's a good podcast. We should try and book a live show just after this

where it's our rebuttal episode. Okay, this is starting to be me. Okay? I still can't see how they got you to ride for the roast car.

I just can't. Yeah. I can't see why it's exhausting you. It just comes out like it's happening. It's not like you turn it off and on. You just put a bucket under it and collect what you need. I'm tired from laughing at the things I've already said just then.

It's like a great man once said. I know what I like and I've nailed it. Oh, Jesus. Okay, well, yeah. It's not going to be anywhere as funny as that. Well, the shows will be. I've got still touring the back half of the year, going to all these places.

Gold Coast, Darwin, Healesville, the big three, and plenty of other places. Go on Dave underscore Thorno for all the socials and you'll hear all about it. Nice. When's your special coming out? Yeah. It's probably going to get released

I'd say October, maybe November. That's when the new special will come out. So follow me on YouTube. Check me out on the threads. I'm going off.

The king's back. Nice. Are you really on threads? Yeah. Fuck yeah The king's back. Nice. Great. Are you really on Threads? Yeah. Fuck yeah. That's great. What was your last, what do you call it? Not a tweet.

Post? Call it a thread, mate. Thread? You were never even on Twitter. Why are you on Threads? No, that's why I got in early with Threads. Yeah. Okay, nice.

And killing it. Can we read anything? What did we do? I don't have my phone. Now, this is the worst thing that's going to happen on this entire episode. No, last thing I posted was... No, read it out. No, no, I didn't have a phone now this is the worst thing that's going to happen on this entire app no last thing I posted was no read it out

no no I didn't read anything I threw a basketball me three quarters of the way oh you just did a video I saw that on the socials yeah that was good oh that was pretty good that was amazing

I did it twice anyway check me out on Prince you got on a text only app and you put up a picture of you throwing a basketball sounds good it's good it's very good.

Like I said, I'm the king. You know who's excited for threads is Adam Knox, who got banned permanently from Twitter for tweeting at Greg Larson that he was going to bonk him on the head with a frying pan. And they suspended him and they're like, actually, we've deleted your account. And he kept being like, and had send them like footage of Tom and Jerry and be like, I was, I was, he's my friend. And it was, it's, you know, obviously from a cartoon and they're like, nah, you're gone

forever. How did Elon let Trump back on, but not Adam Knox? It's pretty awesome. The axis of evil. Sorry, Knoxie. We let you in. You've threatened Greg Larson with violence. All right, guys.

Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you in comedy. Comedy. And they've done it again. Oh, Bernard. Good on you. Good on you, Bernie, B-Boy. Mm-hmm.

He's come sweet off the boot. Good fun. That was raucous fun. I wouldn't say it flew by because 50 minutes in, I'm like, oh, we're done. No, we're not. Yeah, it made time move in a different way somehow. Yes, it was intense. It was swinging and swinging.

One of those ones where you go to the gym, you do a workout PTt session or something probably unrelatable for a lot of people listening to this but yeah go so hard you go fuck it must be over now no that's been 10 minutes fuck yeah yeah there's no clocks in my gym right um which is kind of good uh but you know you start the class it's 45 minutes long so what i tend to do is i'll like look at how many stations there are how long each one's going for and i'll sort of do the maths that way in my head like i'm a fiend for getting in there and like working out at what point i'll be halfway through the workout right just so i have like a little island to go like oh okay thank god that's what someone said i was doing a lot of running and um was listening to music as I ran. But then someone said, and this got stuck in my head, that they don't like that because

then you can time how long. You listen to a song, then you listen to a second song. That's been two songs. That means I've been running for seven minutes, eight minutes, whatever it is. So then, yeah, that turned me on to running and listening to podcasts because you've got no fucking idea. There's no roadmap there. I feel the same i don't i like i prefer music when i run but i do feel that way about music in the bedroom really well yeah it's you know it's like i don't think i've ever it's that

same thing someone be like let's put some music on and being like i mean i don't i don't need a timer i don't need a yeah i don't need a like a yardstick't need a yardstick here. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, damn. I'm just very quickly trying to think of a song that only goes for two minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of punk. A lot of punk songs are like a minute long.

Yeah, yeah. Let's just make a long playlist of them so I can be like, yeah, I made it through 20 songs. Yeah. Yeah, that was really fun. And we did some bonus eps off the back of that for Patreon with the same lineup of guests. So if you liked that hell for leather attitude there, we did another two episodes of that. So if you want more of that, sign up to the Patreon and you can get that hot off the presses, you know, sort of in the week after this episode has come out.

Yeah. Friday and Monday. Keep you going over the weekend. Yeah. That's how it works for you time wise um we are doing this uh we talked about your holiday we uh this is the last episode in a bunch of episodes we've sort of pushed forward and uh logged in yep so that you can go away and have your time off like we do with mine when i fuck off and go to asia as well

um so this is this is our little farewell party right now. I am off to, straight after this, I've got to go and meet with one of said comedians to discuss the roasting stuff. So I am off to find another park

after this and go and have lunch and talk over these jokes, which will be interesting because, like I said, there's two comedians. One's taking it very seriously and the other one is like, who cares? Okay.

All right. So which one are you meeting with? Who do you reckon? The one who does not care. Is not having a meeting. Doesn't need a meeting. Yeah, okay. Text him to me. That's fine. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, meeting. Yeah, okay. Text them to me. That's fine.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, great. Yeah, that's fine. Nice. Well, yeah. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. As we mentioned, we've got the bonus episodes with those two guests coming out. Always good stuff on there.

There's 350-something in the back catalogue. If you get on now, you get the entire back catalogue. You should subscribe and listen to them on the plane, Tommy. Yeah, I might. On the way, Tommy. Yeah, I might. On the way to Vietnam. Exactly, I might. I don't know if there's going to be a screen in the seat. Yeah.

So I better make sure I've got a lot of my own podcast to listen to. I said to, don't say her name last time, I said, oh, Tommy's going to Vietnam. And Ben Knight's just come back from Vietnam. I loved him. Brett Blake's going there very soon as well, Vietnam. She's like, cool. I'm never going. Why?

Okay. Didn't she feel like she she had a thing about Thailand before you uh went for the first time yes and she still had that thing the next time we went when I was like didn't you have a great time before she's like yes so why are you worried about it this time I don't know okay but I am yeah so uh yeah I've I've I'm I've never been to Vietnam and I would like to go but she she has got in her head, that's that. No, I'm not going there. She knows the war's over, right?

Yeah. I don't know. Is that why she's just still fallen in with the US propaganda of the time? That's what's influencing her? She thinks when you're flying in, you actually have to be one of the gun runners. You have to get on the turrets and start shooting at rice paddies um no i don't know she's just got this thing in her head where it's like um unless it's like really unless she's going into like some sort of like really fancy city

that's why she likes singapore singapore's like the the the western asian yeah yeah yeah it is it's that's what she wants training wheels asia yeah yeah it's it's sort of asia but sort of hawthorne as well so it's like that's fine yeah but she sees you know bits of she's like she's like oh no i don't i don't like bangkok like you've been to bangkok i've been with you in bangkok you liked it yeah when you were with me yeah for some reason her default memory is whatever she's seen on TV rather than her actually being there. Or just the one bit where she saw like a dodgy shop and some exposed power lines and she thinks that's the entire bit.

That's literally it. She was saying, no, I've got this bad memory of like when we went out to dinner or something. And I'm like, how have I not got this memory? How do you remember more about Bangkok than me? And we tracked it down. And what it was is one time we went out of the hotel and I went to the 7-Eleven to get something and we went back and she's like, that's the bit that stuck with her.

The bit when we went to the 7-Eleven and we were in like a bit of a shitty bit. Yeah, okay. All right. Like, why is that the highlight of your trip? Yeah. Like, we went and got a Coke for 20 cents. Like, it's fine. Yeah, remember that.

Then we went back to the really nice. Then we went back to the really nice then we went back to the really nice and quite expensive hotel that i got yeah anyway that's that's how she thinks well i'll try and talk around when i'm back i'll only take photos of the five star looking please i'll leave out the details about the cruise ship getting rammed yes yes please do that it's so funny that i'm the amount of like mental gymnastics I've had to do to get myself pumped to go on a cruise, because as we were talking about on the app,

you talk cruise here, you think, oh, okay, well this person's got a fucking brain injury if they're pumped to go on a cruise. But then you look at it over there, it's a completely different thing. You're sailing around this like beautiful scenery you go on kayaking in caves you go on like bike riding in these little villages you're stopping at right it's like it's a different thing it's not just you're on there because you want to like gamble and hit the buffet and be detached from society by doing it you are engaging in the culture you're not stepping away from it yeah without you explaining it right then that i i would say i did not understand that like i thought you were by doing it you are engaging in the culture you're not like stepping away from it yeah without you

explaining it right then that i i would say i did not understand that like i thought you were just going out and doing a few laps yeah well yeah it it wasn't on my radar at all and then yeah my friend who we're going with her friend of hers was like did one and said it was like the best thing so then we started looking it up and it's like yeah this looks awesome it's like three days pricey or not no like yeah wow there's like it's like a lot of you know it's like the same as thailand where there's like up until maybe like the last you know like 90 of it is all like really reasonably priced yeah and then there's that last 10 where you can be paying what you would pay here you can pay way too much to get something

like a little bit but you know what i mean but like the difference between paying like local like prices here to like the step below is like negligible yep uh yeah i would yeah well i mean that's the only way oh look this is funny this is um my wife was uh has worked in travel and so she was contemplating getting a job for a cruise ship company. I was like, oh, my God. This would be wild if this was what I was attached to. Free cruises. Yeah.

That's what it was. It was like you get two free cruises a year. I'm like, man, I've never looked at myself as a cruise person, but is this what I'm going to get just because it's free? Yeah, I mean, I would like to go on one here out of interest just to kind of, you know, as something like different to do. I think it'd be kind of funny, but like... Oh, look, your one sounds way better.

That's the one you want to do. Yeah, totally, and I mean, people like, even like doing the gigs, I'm like, oh, it'd be fun to do the gigs to just see what it's like, but then the rooms you're in are like that you're put up in. If you're performing on a cruise ship here, you're like down the bottom in the hole. It's like pretty brutal. There's like no internet. You have like no communication with people outside.

That would kind of drive me a bit nuts if I was having a bad time. But this is like, you know, we've got a nice room with like a bay window with like a view of all the stuff we're sailing around. It just seems like a completely different thing. They should bring those boats over here and just sail them around St Kilda. Oh, look at this beautiful view of the penguins coming in. Yeah, that'd be all right. Look, there it is, the Espy. Yeah.

Doing a day trip to the Espy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes, but yeah, patreon.com slash little dum-dum club. Get the bonus episodes and also you may well be about to get your name read out and faint if you're an existing subscriber. Yeah. Who knows?

This is your life, some people, coming up. Let's do it. Let's finish this. The quicker we do this, the quicker you go to Vietnam to serve. Not really, but sure. Well, you know, like to serve? Not really, but sure. Well, you know, like sort of not at all, but yes. Well, as we've discussed, I've got the neck pillow on now. Yes.

Ready to go. We talked about this last week. Yes. I did wonder why that was. You've got the sick bag tied around your neck. Yep, yep. And you've got the iPad with all your favorite Looney Tunes charged up on it. I've been paying paying 15 for a beer

just to get myself ready for those sky prices yeah yeah you're gonna do some shopping up there in the sky mall the sky mall yeah i'm gonna buy a little model replica of the plane i'm on great great that blows me away the like airlines that just have like merch of the airline you can buy yeah who's getting the fucking jetstar key ring up in the air? I nearly did it in Thailand this time because it was Bangkok Air and they had like cute little stuff and I'm like, oh, it's fun. You know, it reminds me of that. But then I was like, it's fucking pretty dumb. I was traveling so light.

I was like, I was doing that dumb thing where I didn't buy any luggage. Did I talk about this? I don't think I did talk about this last time. When I was coming home, I didn't buy any luggage for the way home. I was like, fuck that. I'm just going to- Oh, jettison stuff. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to have big bags or anything. I'm just going to get rid of stuff as I'm wearing it. I'm not bringing home heaps of shit, whatever. So, yeah, I was just like wearing something and then chucking it out and then just coming home with like two changes of clothes, one on me, one in my bag. Yeah. That was it. Then I get to to the plane went to check in and everything and they're like oh you've still got 20 kilos of luggage i'm like i did not know that

right so you had it the whole time i had it the whole time great did not know that just chucking out fucking stuff yeah yeah i have pairs of shoes two pairs of shoes i threw out yeah yeah i have thought that like i need some new i need to get some new gym gear like i reckon i'm due for a new set and i was like oh maybe i'll just take what i've got now i'll take that to vietnam yeah wear it a bit like maybe get a couple of runs and workouts in and then just like turf it that's what i did yeah did that and then bought some new stuff over there just brought that home yeah get onto that it feels very bad that you think i'm just taking my clothes on a tour of the world and leaving them there. Goodbye.

I've paid thousands of dollars to visit the bin. Yeah. No, no, totally. Yeah. I'm going on holidays to the tip. Yep. Do that. I highly recommend it.

What I recommend more than anything, if you can do it, fucking hell, is that thing of like just don't check in baggage. If you can get away with having a backpack on. i've never understood that mentality i don't care i'm happy to have the suitcase man i love it walk off the plane and you walk out of the airport the end yeah 10 minutes no 10 minutes to have more shit no i'll always pay like friends of mine are going to europe for three weeks and they're like, we're going to backpack it. I'm like, that's insane. Like if you're traveling around,

like if you're going around Cambodia for like a month and you're moving around every day, but if you're just going to a place and you're just in a resort for like a week, just have your stuff. I want my stuff. How much stuff do you need though? I don't know, a couple of changes, a couple of, I've always got the pod stuff

just in case I've case gotta do some recording well anyway it's very free and easy it's try it once I've done it I've done it like interstate but yeah

overseas nah I want my shit I did I was in when I got to Costa Mui this time this last time I got off

the dream run it was Costa Mui's a small island the airport is very close to Chewing Beach to start with. Flying from Phuket. So not an international flight. Yep. Flying interstate basically.

Yep. No checked in baggage. Walked off the plane with a backpack on. Yep. Walked through the airport not picking anything up. Got into a taxi. Went to my hotel. 15 minutes I reckon.

Yeah. Off the plane to my hotel 15 minutes i reckon yeah off the plane to my hotel 15 minutes that's the main thing is doing the yeah doing the domestic flight where you're not fucking around with like yeah security customs and all that kind of stuff yeah um because we've got a we've got a connecting flight like we stop over in ho chi minh on the way to hanoi on saturday from here and you know sometimes you like I'm hoping that we do the custom stuff in that stopover so that then when we get to Hanoi we're just like straight out. Because sometimes – well, sometimes they do keep – you know, you end up doing that when you're at like the next place where you're actually –

I don't know. I feel like I've done that before where the connecting, you're still staying in the ecosystem and then you're doing the custom shit at the very last bit. No, that's what will happen. That's what will happen, yes. I feel like I've done that before where the connecting, you're still staying in the ecosystem and then you're doing the custom shit in the very last bit. No, that's what will happen. That's what will happen. Yes. I feel like I've done it both ways before. But that means you actually have to get out of the airport in your first port.

Because that means you're not in the country until you get out of there. Yeah, actually, maybe when I've done that, I must have booked it a fucked way where it's just like, you need to recheck it. I have had that before where it's like like you've got to recheck your stuff in we're not sending it through for you unless you have the connecting unless you have your connecting flight with the luggage being done yeah yeah if you don't check your luggage through uh i've done that before where you have to get you're in you're in changi airport you have to check out turn around check back in again it's like fuck this is insane yeah that's that's

how that would happen. Yeah. I actually don't know which one we've got. You don't know what you're going to do. But we don't have – it's not a massive stopover. So I'm thinking given that we booked it all as one thing. Yeah, I'd double check that. Thanks to everyone who subscribes on Patreon. Thanks for listening in general,

but thanks particularly to these people who monetize us. Listening's good. Listening and paying even better. The greatest gift of all. Sweet kish. Let's immortalize some people through song with no tune. Just words. Yeah.

Just lyrics. Your names are lyrics this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, first cab off the rank. Thank you to Tom Dibble. Tom Dibble. Tom Dibble, D-I-B-B-L-E. Love it. I like it.

I keep thinking it's Thomas Dibble because it feels like that rolls off the tongue even better. Tommy Dibble's actually quite good too. Yep. Tommy Dibble. Tommy Dibble. You want a little Tommy Dibble? I got a group chat with a couple of friends where we just, because it's very banal, most nights one of us will go, what's for dinner?

It's interesting to know what people are having for dinner. The best question of all. And last night for some reason I asked it and my autocorrect changed to dinner to dribble. It's me going, what's for dribble? What's for dribble? What is for dribble? Which like I've typed dinner before.

It's never autocorrected it. Yeah, yeah. And just last night for some reason, you know, the phone just randomly goes, nah, I'm going to make it that word now. Yeah. I've changed my mind. Yeah. What was for dribble?

For me, Mexican bowl. Oh. Bit of rice, bit of, like, you know, meat, taco mince meat, some sour cream, bit of cheese, bit of lettuce, mix it all up. Yummy. We've had to do this in the morning. We did the full episode, then we did some bonuses,

now we're doing this. Then I'm meeting someone. This is, what is it now? This is going on to, oh yeah, actually it's not that bad. I'm on to hour 16 of not eating,

so this is about when I should start to eat now. Okay. I did feel like, fuck, maybe I've gone beyond that, but I'm feeling pretty hungry. Yeah, so I don't know what's for dribble. What's for dribble? Yeah. I think I've got another hour. Oh, we've got probably another half hour of this, then I've got another hour of meeting,

and then I'm going to eat. You can't meet somewhere where you can get food? Maybe. Maybe we are. I better find out. You can get away with that. I did have in my head, bookmarked,

I did have my little, we've talked about this a little bit lately, Ikea. I've been having a few Ikea dinners. Yep. A few Ikea lunches, I should say. Yep. I was looking forward to doing that.

You're back on it. Yeah. I inspired you to get back into the Ikeas. Yeah, I just, I always forget about it. I know. So now I'm on it. Well, it's weird,

because you just, yeah, I never think about it until it's like, oh, I need to get something. Yeah. And then I go, oh, while I'm there, I can get those famous meatballs. Go there for dribble. Go there for dribble. For Tommy dribble. Go there for daytime dribble.

Yeah. I had the curry. It was okay. I wouldn't get it again. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. Took my daughter there, though.

Took Blanket there and she loved it. The meatballs. Yep. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, really. okay yeah okay took my daughter there though took blanket there and she loved it the meatballs yep that's good yeah yeah really she got the full ikea experience and she liked did you take her for a little stroll through ikea itself no it was funny because it's like classic you know reverse engineer where i took her there for lunch and then she's like why is there all this other stuff in this place we go to for lunch like yeah i don't I don't know. You'll learn one day. Merch off the back of the famous lunches, the famous food here. Come for a meatball, stay for a table.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That would be funny if every single bit of furniture in Ikea had a picture of a meatball on it or something. Because it's like, yeah, officially we are a restaurant. We just do a lot, a fucking lot of merch. merch well it should be a combo like happy meal style yes you get like a you get your meatballs your chips a drink and a couch and then yeah yeah comes with a free uh sideboard yeah that's good yeah yeah um you know less of a happy meal more of a comfy meal exactly yeah yeah a comfy meal. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah. A comfy meal. I'll get you a comfy meal. I like this. And you're like, man, I really need a kitchen counter. And then you go in and they're like, the kitchen counter's the toy for next week. Yeah, yeah. This week it's the coffee table.

You're like, I've got the coffee table already. Then you've got to swap with a, you've got to trade with a friend. Yeah. You've got five coffee tables at home. Because you just couldn't think of somewhere else to go you just work next door to ikea you just kept going in there for lunch yep yep i'm going uh i'm going for a parma tomorrow night i just really love the idea of just like doing a last doing a really like western last hurrah before heading to vietnam just Vietnam. Just get a real big portion of just big stodgy shit in the guts before it's just like soups for two weeks straight.

Come into Morris House, Tommy. I'm obliged to mention, but Basement Comedy Club is back open in the original setting. If you went there during Comedy Festival, that's where we were. We went on a little tour while... We've talked about this. European Beer Cafe has changed into Morris House. Yep.

The great name. And they're back open. I went in there last night. It's all very schmick. Yeah. And the rooftop's actually good. If you ever went to European Beer Cafe before and went for a beer afterwards to the rooftop,

the rooftop fucking sucked. It was shit. Yeah. And now it's real good. Yeah. So go and have a look. Come to Basement Comedy Club downstairs and see the remodeled basement. Love to see you down there.

And I'll be there giving you a little stamp on the wrist. Yep. Unless it's Kappa's wedding, which is coming up, and which I won't be there on that day. You won't? No. I was wondering that. No. Whether you'd try and do the double?

Yeah, I don't think so. It's starting early afternoon. Yeah. You could make it. I didn't even think about it. You could fit both in. Well, all the people that generally take over and run basement for me when I'm not there

are invited to the wedding. Ah, the bride and groom. Yes. And some of the guests. Yeah. So, no, I've had to do a quick run around to find someone who's going to do it. But maybe I might do kick on drinks. I can't help myself.

Control freak. I'll just, my wife will be like, I was trying to leave the wedding. I'll be like, yeah, no worries. Why don't we just go for one afterwards? Oh, a little cocktail bar. No, basement comedy club. It's really close to the venue of the wedding. Yeah.

15K away, but yeah, sure. Why don't we pop in on the way? Well, when people hear this, yeah, it'll be coming up. I'll be pretty close to being there dressed like a big lemon. Oh, yeah. Yep. Well, hopefully. I keep thinking, why did I put...

I thought Kappa would do me more favours in picking out what I would be wearing than having me be dressed like a big lemon. Is that what he picked? Yeah, he wants lemon. He wants lemon coloured. Which, you know, I've been looking at, I've sort of done a bit of Google image searching for some inspiration and, you know, seen a few little things pop up where I'm like,

yeah, that's not so bad. Okay, I can see this being all right. If it's a lighter lemon, if I treat it more like a sort of a very off-white, more so than like a bright, bright yellow. A bright, fluoro lemon. Yeah. You don't want to wear high-vis. No.

Or do you? Well, yeah. Kappa's working in a warehouse at the moment. Big high-vis. Make him feel at home. Oh, yeah. Good luck. Yeah, borrow some of his unwashed stuff from the warehouse.

That would be good. Unwashed high-vis vest. Yeah. Well, Tommy Dibble, I would love to invite you to not only Basement Comedy Club one night, but to Kappa's wedding. Yeah. If my wife can't make it, I'll bring you. He'll be your ringer.

How about that? Have you got a specific invite for Don't Say Her Name or is it just Carl plus one? No, it's a specific invite for don't say her name or is it just carl plus one no it's a specific it's the name well you know because you know kappa's partner is way more organized than most anyone um but certainly more than than kappa kappa's not been uh allocated much to do with it i think he's i think he i think he's total of um what to do with it so far is he was like, oh, I want to have this song to play when we walk out. But Chandler, you already had the song I wanted at your wedding,

so I'm out of ideas, so I guess that's not my job anymore either. Yeah, and we all can remember vividly the song. I know. So we would all be thinking it. Absolutely insane. Absolutely insane. No one – I could send out a questionnaire to everyone i don't reckon there'd be one person that remembers what that song was yeah yeah yeah

the person who hit play on it wouldn't remember what that song was no i uh i had to send a message to kappa's partner the other day and i felt psycho doing this but um as has been discussed a little while ago, Kappa is weirdly sort of friendly with my ex-girlfriend. Right. So I had to send his partner a message and just be like, hey, just because I know Nick wouldn't bring this up with me. Yeah. Do you know, has he invited her to your wedding? Because my partner's coming. So that is something that, you know,

I think people need to be a bit braced for if this is going to be a thing. Yeah, I don't want to cry in front of her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, no. Okay, good. Good to know because I know it literally would be me walking in and being like, oh, this is great. I'm in a hornet's nest here.

Yeah. Yeah, no, totally. And no, you're right. He would not think of it for a second to bring up to you. No. Yeah. Well, again, if Don't Say Her Name is Crook, it's just me and Tommy Dibble.

Dibble. Coming to the wedding. Tommy Dribble. Yep. Tommy Dribble. Thanks, Tommy. Thanks, Dribbles. Thanks, Dina.

Thank you to... Thank you to Patreon subscriber Nick Ramkumar. Ramkumar. R-A-M-K-U-M-A-R. Ram... I feel like I'm on a spelling bee every week on this bit. Ramkumar. Ramkumar, yeah.

Nice. Must be nice. Yeah. Nick with a... Not with a K either, N-I-C. I remember when we were in Adelaide once doing a pod and we were with Adam Richard and I think he booked us an Uber and the driver's name came up and the driver's name was Mandeep.

Right. And Adam just had a fucking field day. It's like, oh, yeah, I've met him before. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you said it. Damn. Must be it. Damn. Must be nice. Damn.

I wish I was gay. I wish I was able to talk about being gay. I wish I'd fucked a man. I could have made that joke. Yeah. Yeah. But Ram Kumar. Ram Kumar.

Well, I was telling you before we did the ep and then I didn't get to bring it up on the ep, but I woke up this morning and my girlfriend was like, the app and then i didn't get to bring it up on the app but um woke up this morning my girlfriend was like oh i had this really stressful like horrible dream where we had a kid and i hated it the kid came out it was just ugly oh really and then the kid went missing and i just didn't care and i felt and i was like why don't i care that my baby is gone missing i just hate my baby so and just like all of those feelings were so overwhelming. You did not tell me any of this before the show, by the way. And it's really stressed me out.

None of this is – all of this is fresh to me. So she tells me that and then I go, yeah, I had this dream where I was watching the cricket. Oh, that was her dream? Her dream was about the baby. Oh, so it was – right, right, right. And then my follow-on was, yeah, I had this weird dream where I was watching the cricket and in the ad breaks they were just playing a gay porno. You told me that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was just – and it was like a 70s style one where it was like long build-up. Right. These two guys meeting, bit of a flirtation, almost like call me by your name style where it's just like long character development and it was like me watching the cricket and then just this coming up and then

being on social media and people just losing their minds going yeah why is there a gay porno playing in the middle of the cricket i love that you're on social media even in your dream well i think it was like me looking i think it was like me seeing the gay porno in the cricket and being like am i the only one that's noticing this? I think in the dream I was very aware that I don't ever watch cricket, so maybe this happens all the time. And so I think I went onto Twitter to just check the pulse of it, and it's like Limo and Hellier and stuff going,

why are they playing a gay porno in the middle of the cricket? At Limo23, he's like, what's up with this dick and this ass in between overs? So isn't that crazy that it's like two separate brains in the same bed, pillows next to each other. The opposite of a mind meld. Yeah. One person's having a stressful dream about the anxieties of motherhood and then me just like, imagine watching the cricket and being gay.

Imagine someone being bummed between sessions. Wow. Oh, yeah. That's good. Beautiful stuff. That's good. Yeah. Nicholas, you have inspired that dream retelling,

and everyone loves a good hearing about people's dreams. Well, there was a bit of Ram Kumar coming up in the words of the cricket. Right. That's what made me think of it. Of course. Right. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff going on there.

Yeah. Thanks, Nick. Thanks, Nicholas. Thanks, Nick. That's quite concise. You got your money's worth there. Wow. Here we go.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber alex focus or focus f-u-k-u-s p-h-u-c-a-s fuck ass fuck ass alex hang on i got a funny anecdote that reminds me of a dream i had last night that reminds me of what happened after I woke up from a dream last night. If just all of these names remind me of the dream in some way, it's still the same anecdote five times. Alex fuck us. Alex fuck us. Jesus Christ.

That's amazing. What a shame that his name's Alex and not like please or something. I think there's enough there to play with, Tommy. I think we're okay. Alex, fuck us. Alex, fuck us. Look, I was feeling a little bit tired. I was like, I could always do it.

Everyone could do with a bit of help on this segment every week. Yeah, yeah. I'm hungry. I'm tired. Thank you. Yeah. From heaven. Yeah. God himself has reached down and touched fingers

with me yeah or at least i think it was a finger yeah alex fuck us um the absolute dream i couldn't think of you could get in a laboratory and try and design a better name for this and and it wouldn't happen and it's good it's hidden beautifully yeah you know it's not not just spelled F-U-C-K-A-R-S-E. Yes. You know? This is definitely a guy who's been to school, copped it all, and then gone, here you go, boys. Let's see if you come up with anything fresh that I haven't heard.

So far, no. Just us laughing and saying, fuck us. Yep. That's it. Yep. I wonder if there's anything better that he's heard that we haven't stumbled across in the last 30 seconds. See, I wonder.

This is one of those ones where I do wonder whether a child's mind is getting to this. Right. I mean, is it more to do with the, it's PHU, so it's like poo, as in poo cared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's obviously, it would be pronounced poo-cars, I well even that yeah poo poo ass poo ass even poo ass is pretty good yeah yeah i wonder if that's do you i wonder if that's what they got to first at school what do you

reckon they got to first fuck ass or poo ass i mean if it's pronounced pukas uh i I think this would be one of those ones that would really be dependent on what the teacher is reading out for the roll call first day. However they're pronouncing it. Right. Like if you're hearing someone in your class has the surname Poo, your teacher reads that out. Yeah. You are flipping out.

You know what? You're right. I reckon that got read out in primary school, grade one, whatever, the roll call, and it was poo-cast. Poo was just dominated until about grade six, and then someone went, imagine fucking an ass. Someone's finally properly read it. You've never looked at your friend's name written down, and then you say,

hang on a minute, that's not poo. That's fuck. Yeah, or you get to grade three three and it's like you know sometimes um things are pronounced different ways like you think remember you know there's phone you know telephone there's there's there's ph's in fur and then there's also the hard per yep and then someone's gone oh my god it's not just p is p can be pronounced not just per yeah it can be something else can be fur that alex come over here i've got something to say to you out loud yeah in front of people exactly yeah alex fuck us i reckon that's great for let us know alex when when it turned from poo

into fucker yes please uh it's got to be grade four. When did your life change? Yes. For the worst. For the even worse. Yeah, exactly. Yep. Thanks, Alex. Thanks, Alex.

Wonderful work. Yep. My regards to your ancestors. Exactly, yeah. When they were, they did that for a living. Looping up. Yep. And slamming it in.

Yep. And with their own little anal sex stall in the Middle Ages somewhere. Just getting a big fuck up the bum for a shilling or whatever it was. Whatever the going rate was back then. Thanks, Alex. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Abby Page. Abby Page. Yeah.

That's a cool little name. Yeah. It's like a comic book name. I like it. That's a superhero's girlfriend right there. A comic book name that has the word Page in it. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Yeah. Abby Page. Abigail Page. Basically, there's nothing in here that's about anal sex in any way. So that's a bit disappointing. Yeah. We had a bit of a hot streak there. Yeah, yes.

No, you're right. We better be, yeah. I mean, unless it was a, it's a page of a gay porno. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's. Well, full name Abigail, Abigail. Okay, right. Yeah, there's something.

Yep. There's two things right there. So there's chockers, really. Yeah. Little page boy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Getting bummed by a priest.

Yeah. Okay. Yep. I'm clutching here. I think it's good timing that you're going on holidays. I think we're due a break. I'm clutching here. I think it's good timing that you're going on holidays. I think we're due a break. I'm burnt out. The overall, the umbrella thing of this thing is like,

let's link it all back to someone getting bummed. Yes. Right. It's time for a reset. Time for a cruise. Yeah. Oh, it's time for a cruise, all right. And I'm going on to do some more roasting work.

Yeah. I hope. Oh, you're meeting up with both of those comedians at the same time to do some roasting work. Oh, no, Carl, you misunderstood us. We don't want you to write the jokes. We just want you to be in the middle. We want to both fuck you at the same time.

I want to fuck your mouth and I want to fuck your ass. Oh, you mean this gig isn't happening at the Eiffel Tower. That's just what you're doing to me. Right, right, right, right. Well, I hope John Cleese doesn't mind a heap of being fucked up the bum jokes on this TV show. I think he'd be okay with it. Yeah, well, he's... Who knows?

He's not hot on cancel culture. No. Or wokeness. Yeah. What we're saying so far is definitely not in that category. No. He'd love this. Yeah.

You should see if you can get someone to play this to him. Yes. Yeah. He might be... What do you call me? Genius. And genius recognizes genius. And that's what

we're doing right now yeah some really genius anal sex jokes um Abbey Page I hope you're happy with what you've

not what you've inspired but what you've um wrought been on the end of so to speak yeah yeah yeah

yeah um I think on another day I think we could have gone on a more extended riff about you know,

sort of like a comic book name that you've got. It's quite a cute little fictional name almost. Like definitely. It's a good, yeah, it is a good fictional name. Yeah. Yeah. If you're writing a TV show and you needed a young reporter. Yeah, reporters.

That sounds pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of all the rot we've said before that. Mm, reporter. Abby Page sounds pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of all the rot we've said before that. Mm-hmm. But, you know,

it's no Alex Fuckers. No, it's definitely not. It's no Ram Kumar. Mm. Anyway, thanks, Abby. Thanks, Abby. Now for the final name. I've got to go do some work.

You've got to go and pack. Yep. Let's see if we can link this one back. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber comedy up the ass wow yeah any thoughts so that's three out of five um comedy based names um what were the two that weren't um what was the first one i don't know tommy dribble yeah that one okay right yeah i mean comedy um i am i mean that links back to anal because at comedy you're generally sitting down in the audience and that's on a chair yeah sort of going nearly up your bottom as you're sitting

down well it's too wide but if it was was thinner, the chair would go up your ass. If you turned it upside down, you could seat four. Yeah, exactly. There you go. Now that's comedy up the ass. The gig where all the seats are upside down and you have to be fucking wedged onto a chair leg in order to be allowed to watch the show.

Imagine that. Comedy up the ass. All right. There's comedy on the order to be allowed to watch the show. Imagine that. Comedy up the ass. All right. There's comedy on the edge. This is comedy up the ass. Comedy up the ass. Well, we fucking did it, guys. We did it.

We did it. Thanks for listening. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for links to the Patreon and all that kind of stuff. Yep. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates.