The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 670 - Tony Martin & Cameron James

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

This week we're joined by TONY MARTIN and CAMERON JAMES! We're at Karl's house so of course we give his DVD library a going over before hearing about the last ever bootleg DVD stall in Thailand. Tommy The Weatherman has got more updates on his Hoi An tailor social media post, as well as being annoyed by Australian tourists in Ha Long Bay, PLUS Karl's been writing zingers for the roast of John Cleese, AKA the inspiration for the Fawlty Towers Dining Experience. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Cameron James and Tony Martin. The Little Dumb Dumb Club is coming to Perth, Western Australia, Saturday, November the 4th. Oh my. Carl, are you looking forward to it? Sure am. I've booked my flights, have you? I have. Good boy, because the Melbourne Cup is on that week. I've got a question for you.

Yes. How do you pronounce the name of the venue that we're in? Oh, I don't know. Linot's Lounge. Linot's Lounge. Linot's Lounge, I don't know. Anyway, that's the venue. Yes. How do you pronounce the name of the venue that we're in? Oh, I don't know. Linot's Lounge. Linot's Lounge. Linot's Lounge. Linot's Lounge? I don't know.

Anyway, that's the venue. Yeah. L-Y-N-O-T-T-S. Yes. Thanks, Linot's. If you go to our website, you will read it and not have to say it out loud.

Exactly. That's the dream. You can turn up, see the sign, and once again, not have to read it as you walk through the front door. There's not many venues

you have to say the name of the venue to enter or to buy a ticket. Yeah, back in the day you would have had to get in a taxi and say that, but these days type it into Uber and you're good to go. We will see you there, littledumbdumbclub.com for tickets to that. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then, enjoy this great new episode with Cameron James and Tony Martin. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and with me as

always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Cameron James and Tony Martin. Oh, yes. We've just done it. We should have had it recording. We've just done a very funny hour before we hit record. Literally has been an hour. Every time Tony comes in, it's a lot of pre-game chat.

Let's say it's showbiz talk, but it's pretty much about one person. Who's barely in showbiz? No business talk. It's great to... Two of the great cinephiles here as well. Well, I have to say, we are doing this from Carl's Place, and every time we're here, I do check out the DVD shelf. It's very sad, isn't it?

What have we got? It's a real indictment of the DVD industry. I think a lot of the DVDs have now ended up in the op shop. Well, yeah. It's a pretty barren one. I've found at least one classic. Happy Gilmore. Happy Gilmore.

I think I may have insisted on that one. That one has to stay. That's one of mine. So what you're saying is this is the top shelf. These are the ones that aren't going to the... These are the ones that my wife can't do without. She can't bear to part with The Simpsons Season 11. Oh, wow.

That's sticking around. Well, you've got It's Complicated. Yeah, one of those. The Devil Wears Prada. Oh, that's mine. Wimbledon. Which one is that? I've seen Wimbledon.

Oh, Wimbledon. Yeah, I watched Wimbledon. Oh, the movie of Wimbledon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wimbledon on DVD. Jeez.ledon. Yeah, I watched Wimbledon. Oh, the movie of Wimbledon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wimbledon on DVD. Jeez. The box set. This one looks good.

Too Greedy Italian. Oh, nice. Nice. Is that some of that wog comedy that is so popular? Is that a sushi mango or is that something else?

That's one of those moments where my wife insists that she's Italian despite the fact she was born in Malvern. Oh, yeah, sure. Copy of Mrs. Doubtfire there. That one's kind of stuck together on that one.

That's very progressive, to be honest. Whoever played Mrs. Doubtfire is so hot. She's my hall pass. What ever happened to her? I could see Molly's game. But Cameron, if you could There's one that's spying inwards So we can't see what it is

Let's find out what the mystery title is I'm going to know what it is It's actually a real cinephile pick Sideways That's a great one Why would you be ashamed of Sideways? That's the best title there He doesn't want to show off

He doesn't want to be I. He doesn't want to be... Look, I don't think anyone has touched that DVD shelf except for my four-year-old daughter in about two years. So she's just been playing with them, opening them up, putting different DVDs and different covers, throwing them. Oh, that's offensive. That's about it. Little frisbees.

It is great that we play this game with Tony every time he's on the show because we always record at Carl's house. And it's like there's no new DVDs being bought for at least 10 years. What I could have done is what I did think of you when we talked about this on a bonus episode. So I was in Bangkok about a month ago or so and I saw the last ever, I think, fake DVD, pirate DVD store. Oh, really? The end of an era.

Isn't that like there's still like one blockbuster video in Idaho or something like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one hanging on. That used to be the thing about Bali or Thailand. You'd go over there and you'd come- Plastic sleeves and DVDs. Yeah, you'd come back with a completely redesigned cover as well. They would do their own covers.

And the names often slightly changed. Blurb from just like a video game, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, Austin powers and it's like why is their hand solo on the cover like someone's got a slightly incorrect brief why is the blurb talking about crash bandicoot yeah yeah what am i gonna get yeah yeah they'd have they'd have like the actor on there but like it'd be like yeah the fugitive but they'd have hand solo harrison yeah it's like a red carpet photo of them yeah years ago yeah like a paparazzi picture yeah

that's a good art piece you set up like the last blockbuster and you've got like a bricks and mortar video shop, but it's all of like the best knockoff DVDs, covers that people have ever found. But you just don't know what is still huge in what culture. Like I remember I flew to England in 2013 and there was a stopover at Dubai Airport and I went into some shop and they had a tower, like a triangular, conical, enormous tower of DVDs of Martin Lawrence' You So Crazy.

And I've looked that up. I've gone, when did that come out? And it's from 1994. This was in 2013. That's their you're the voice or something like that's

built on their culture that's what it's like when American comedians come here and find out that Arj Barker is famous yes

what yes that guy from the open mics yeah Americans going to Bali and being like Rush Hour 3 is huge

I don't get it and Harrison Ford's in it. He is now. So I saw the lot. I think, honestly, obviously, I've been going to Thailand for years since I think DVDs have been phased out or whatever. But there was one guy on the street just selling pirated Netflix shows. Oh, what?

Great. That's great. And he made his own cover. Yeah, there was a significant amount of different ones where I'd say, I've never seen the graphics to these. But then again, I've never seen a graphic for Netflix shows, I guess, apart from the title on the screen. I think early days they were putting them out on DVD.

I think Orange is the New Black, Netflix were like, oh, we should, you know, let's play ball with old media. Bloodline, because it had Mendo in it you'd see that there'd be a pile of those at JB Hi-Fi I would say I wasn't there

at the rush hour of business there was absolutely no one buying anything Did you pick anything up? No I didn't Damn Because I was talking to you

at the time but no I didn't buy anything Well like if you want them they're out there a lot of them are in newcastle where i'm from so if you just want to go to my parents house in newcastle yeah literally every dvd we own i think is just one of those plastic sleeves yes i love that the cover like they've printed out the cover but it's not in a case no it's just folded over in a little thin

plastic sleeve i love that the thing of like you home, you buy a plastic case, and you assemble it. And that nice thing, like people would get that, like 30 of them from Bali and Thailand and go, I wonder which ones aren't going to work. There was that thing of like, I really hope it's not this one. But I reckon you'd get four or five that are just not going to work. You just write them off. I just think it's such a weird business practice. I know five of these movies I will never watch,

but I'm buying them. I remember my parents going to either Thailand or Bali when I was like early 20s or something, and they were like, do you want us to get you any DVDs from a market while you're there? And I don't know why I was fixated on this, but I only had one request. I said, can you get me Mike Myers, the love guru?

I wanted to know if it was as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I didn't want to invest the time and money to go to the cinema. And they brought it back and I was like, because it's sometimes a bit of a, you know, like with pirated stuff, sometimes they'll, like someone will just get lucky and they do have like the digital rip

of it, like straight away from the cinema. And so getting the, them getting home and getting the DVD and having friends around to watch it. I don't know why we were all so invested in the love guru and being like, we put it in and it's just the worst, like filmed in the cinema. Camera. Screens on an angle, like you can't hear anything.

And I was like, oh, I loved Austin Powers so much. I think I can work through this. And three of my friends just being like, we're out. We're going home. We can't. Even if this was good quality we couldn't do it we have a biscuit tin that i think we saw on sale at uh victoria market and it's a love guru biscuit tin and we just went we've got to have that it was like 99 cents and it's sort of on display in a room in our house and then you forget it's there because you see it. And then you have people come round and then you see them looking at you and go,

Oh, no, no, no, I have to explain this. It's funny. It's ironic. I'm making fun of it. But most people don't even know of the Love Guru. No, of course not. You mention it and then it's a hard one to explain. Yeah.

What is he again? Well, it sent Mike mad. He went crazy. He basically stopped making films. Who is he again sent mike mad he went crazy he basically stopped making films is he who is he playing is it deepak chopra or is he in the film chopra's inner but he's inspired by deepak chopra yeah whatever this character's name a great parody of a person that a lot of people do not know you know what's sad is his father had just died and he made this film as a tribute to his father who was a very spiritual man. And the entire population of planet Earth were like, this fucking sucks.

You're an idiot. You shouldn't have made this. Also, your dad's not Indian. He's from Liverpool. I remember seeing it at the cinema. And you know when a film is so bad that by tacit unspoken agreement in the cinema, everyone just agrees we can talk during this. We can say whatever we're thinking out loud.

No, no, no. I've had sets like that. When I saw the movie Cats, that's what our entire cinema decided. It was an amazing experience. I also had that with Baz Luhrmann's Australia. By the third hour, people are going, no, let's just pretend we're all at home and take the piss. But the thing I remember about The Love Guru

is I can't remember anything about the storyline or what happens except that the last 20 minutes of this film is entirely about engineering a scenario where an elephant takes a shit on someone. Oh, that's right. Am I right? And there's so much structure and engineering in the script required. So many things have to happen in order to simply get to an elephant

taking a shit. It's a Rube Goldberg. This is beautiful. The two of you. Rube Goldberg. The two things that the two of you remember about the film. Cam's like, oh, you know, it was a tribute to his father who recently passed away.

And Tony's like, an elephant does tribute to his father who recently passed away. And Tony's like, an elephant does a big shit. Oh, man. There's so much leg work. Mr Myers would have loved that shit. I want to watch this film now. I never did make it all the way through that bootleg copy. I owe it to myself.

I was just happy he wasn't doing a Scottish accent for once. Well, I'm booked in. I'm going to Bangkok again at the end of this year, and I'm just looking. I took a photo of the DVD stall that I saw. Right. It's like on the main street near a train station, and he had it properly set up.

Here's a couple. Most of them are Netflix films, but here's... What's he got? He's also found room for... What is it called? Oh, yeah, Dirty Grandpa. 2016 for Dirty Grandpa. 2016's Dirty Grandpa with Robert De Niro in case no one's caught that in the last seven years. And he has it on DVD.

I know, you're going, can Robert De Niro go any lower than Dirty Grandpa? And then he does The War Against Grandpa. Oh, yes. And you go, at least make it The War Against Dirty Grandpa. At least get them together. Same character. At least get them together. Right.

Doing all these grandpa movies, and then hasn't he just recently become a father again? Yeah, he's a dad. So it's like, you're a dad, dude. Dirty new dad. Dirty dad. I feel bad for, was it the jackass people that made Bad Grandpa? Yeah.

How much they must be sick of being lumped in with Dirty Grandpa. That's not us. We're bad. We're not dirty. That's what I thought you meant when you said dirty. That's the film I thought you were talking about. Although chances are that is actually Bad Grandpa with Dirty Grandpa artwork.

Yeah, you think you're getting a De Niro romp and you're getting Johnny Knoxville and his. Actually, I'm looking at the cover. Shitting up the wall. Yeah, I'm looking at the cover. There's an elephant taking a big shit on it, actually. I think it might be a different film altogether. You've got to make room in the suitcase when you're back there. I will.

You've got to try and keep this place afloat. I will. What about some kind of Expendables movie where all of these characters come together? The love guru, dirty grandpa. I've never seen it. Does the Expendables actually exist as a movie, or is that just a tie graphic design on the cover that's just got every actor on it?

I have never seen it. The only bit I've seen of the Expendables is when Jason Statham stabs someone with a knife in a church and is able to say, I now pronounce you man and knife. Oh, that's good. That's a really good line. That's the only bit I've ever seen. The only thing I know is that two of the characters are gay in it.

That was a big thing in the third one. We're making Jet Li and Arnie gay together. Oh, really? I said it couldn't be done. That's the most expendable thing I think it's I think it's in three I'm googling

Expendables 3 gay oh Arnie and Jet Li are gay in Expendables 3 says director Patrick Hughes right

is this one of those JK Rowling things where in hindsight they're gay but they're not actually they don't appear to be gay in the movie

I think there's a scene where they're like at a bar together and one of them says like i'll meet you back home or something like this one line but it's enough to send all of us crazy i do like your idea carl of a movie that only exists for like the thai or bali market like the guys that make those disaster movies and stuff oh It's a wonder they never made like Bali movie. And it's like even when you see it at the cinemas, it's like the screen's all wonky and like people on the screen are getting up and walking in front of the vision. Like just random people are in it.

It's like different stuff's happening for no reason. I've never been to the movies in Thailand, but I have been tempted because I'm like, maybe I could walk in front of someone's camcorder and be part of someone's... Yes, I've thought that. I love the idea that you're in there. It's just all camcorders. It's just like eight people doing their own business. And the film that you're watching

is one that's been filmed in another cinema. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just chucking on a DVD from the market. I love it. Well, hey, bit of an update from last week's episode. Speaking of foreign travel, I was just in Vietnam

and I talked about going to a tailor in Hoi An and getting a suit made up for Nick Capper's wedding that's in a couple of weeks. He requested that I wear a lemon-colored suit. Oh, wow.

And it cost more than I thought it would. So in a desperate bid to sort of bring the price down a bit, I started telling the people who worked there that I'm a famous weatherman back in Australia. And they put a photo of me up on the socials. Oh, yes.

And I put the call out last episode for people to get on the post and just comment, you know, this is... Because I also asked them to... To reinforce the story. Yes, and when they put the photo up, it had no caption and then I went back in there and I said, can you put a caption on this that just says something like sexy lemon man? I do like this, so you didn't message them,

you walked back in the shop and said, fix your Instagram. And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do it. What do you want us to say? Sexy lemon man. And then two days later they update the post and it just says lemon man. So we put the call out on the show, like, can we really, because also now I'm thinking like one of the suits I got,

I'm like, yeah, I actually wouldn't mind a waistcoat with this. So I want to see if I can like, you know, get them to get a little extra for free sent in the post. So thank you to everyone who got on the post and commented. We've got about, we haven't even shared it from our account yet, but we've got about 50 comments on there. More engagement. We are recording this a day after we put the episode out as well.

More engagement than anything we've ever put on social media. How amazing to see such a famous weatherman in such a great suit. This has made my day. Tommy the weatherman, cloudy with a chance of lemons. This clown never gets the weather right. Nice suit, though. I love that there's a bit of narrative coming in here. I'm sort of like beloved, but also there's a segment of the community

that are like, you know, off me for getting the weather wrong. But also, let's be clear, there's some sort of Venn diagram of Australian viewers of a weather show that are also following a Vietnamese tailor? Yeah. Well, I think the idea is like you may have been there as a tourist, followed the account, and then you see me pop up and you're like, oh, that's that famous weatherman from back home. Okay. By the way, perfect thing to be as like as a fake thing to get free shit, is a famous weatherman.

Like I'm thinking Sam Mack, Grant Denya, Tim Bailey. It's the perfect level of celebrity. This is the most interesting Australian weatherman in Southeast Asia since Grant Denya went over there for a little bit of a lie down. There's been a few people who have tagged him and gone, I like this guy way better than at Sam Mac. So I'd love to know what he thinks of what's going on here.

Have you Photoshopped yourself in front of a weather map to create? I think that's got to be the next thing. I think I need to get in a green screen somewhere in the suit and do like a fake weather report just to try and... That would be easy to knock up. I'd hand over some hard dong for a piece of that lemon pie. The forecast, hallelujah, it's raining lemons. What else?

This man is the worst weather reporter, but man can he pull off a sexy lemon suit. I came here for two things, to find out the weather and see a sexy lemon man. Looks like I've hit the jackpot. They are both here. What a sexy weather man. Looks like I've hit the jackpot. They are both here. What a sexy weather man that has stood the test of time. Which, by the way, that's a reference to when I was in the tailor,

as we were leaving, they kind of made us leave reviews on TripAdvisor and Google Maps, wouldn't let us leave. And my review is like, I was just so under pressure to keep writing. And in my review, I'm like, come here if you want a great suit that will stand the test of time. He hadn't stepped outside yet. I tested for 30 seconds. The test of time.

Also, my girlfriend wore out her pants that she got made at the tailor last night for the first time. They split open. Right. It didn't last. They're first wearing. It didn't last the test of time'm not i might have to update the review

and what kind of benefit are you is there a discount uh as a result of this publicity well they did say they they keep your measurements on file for like two or three years so that if you get home and you decide you want you know something more they're like you can contact us and we'll whip it up and post it over so So maybe, I mean, yeah, I'm thinking maybe the next step is I might DM them and be like, oh, this is really embarrassing. I've sort of seen that some of the fans of my work back home. Some of the lemon heads. A few followers from the lemon party have...

My number one stand-up, I nickname him Evan Dando. He's really into it. A few people have clocked on. This is really embarrassing. You've got to fake up a shot of you doing the weather in the suit. I think so, yeah. And make it the segment that's cool. Or do it for real.

See if you can go on a morning show or something. Yeah, we know Sam Mack. Yes, Sam can get me in. Just explain to him, hey, I was wanting a free waistcoat from a shop in Vietnam. Can I please be on at 8.05 on your weather forecast? I'll stand in front of Orbost and just I'll do that bit. I'll point at a synoptic chart. Next time you're feeling a bit crook, like you can't make it in, I'm here.

I'm ready to jump in. I'm ready to fill in when you need a sick day. A couple more. A little less Mike Larkin, a little more Mike Lemon. And yeah, looks like a chance of rain down under when the ladies see this suit. Oh, that's good. Good stuff.

I went to a wedding recently and Mike Larkin was the Channel 10 weatherman who I think is the former weatherman maybe now, doing a bit of wedding celebrants now. And absolutely not shying away from the weather references. Wedging them into so that everyone's most special day of their entire life has just got way too many references to clouds and overcast. Bit of a precipitation update.

Tonight's going to be horny with a chance of these two having sex. Yes. Marital sex, might I add. All of that. Whatever you can make up, he did it. And more. But there's quite a lot of... We've got a father-in-law front moving in.

Yeah, yeah. A bit of that. Yeah. But aren't there a lot of... Like, Greg Evans does that now. Yes. And Sally Ann Upton. But that makes sense because Greg Evans used to be the host of Perfect Match.

Of course. There was love involved rather than just like Dandenong 19. Oh, fuck, I better take this to a ceremony. I went to a wedding that he was the celebrant at. Yeah, but it was the couple's engagement that turned into the surprise wedding. And so Greg Evans gets up and he's like, now we've got a bit of a surprise for you, everyone. Like peaches and cream.

He's like, this isn't just the engagement. It's the wedding. And we all go, yeah, we've all been standing here for two hours being like, why the fuck is Greg Evans here? Oh, this is obviously going to be the wedding. So they didn't even hide him. No, he was just milling around. Did he have the robot?

He didn't have the robot. Dexter? I feel like maybe the robot's extra. You feel like you want the robot. I don't think he owns the robot. I believe the robot, Dexter the robot, the compatibility robot, is in some sort of TV and radio museum on the Mornington Peninsula. I'm now thinking of a reboot of Perfect Match,

but with Dexter the serial killer being the sidekick. There's a spanner in the road. Yeah, you bring that out when the marriage goes wrong. That's the divorce. You kill one of the people. Yeah, what would the show be now? Dexter the AI. And it's not visual.

It's not a physical thing in any way. Also, I want to know what else is in this TV and radio museum if Dexter's the main thing. It's always quoted as the main thing. What the fuck is the other off-cut series? What else is there? One of Agro's noses? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is there someone down the Mornington Peninsula? I think so. I went there years ago, and the main thing was a Nazi vehicle from the Sullivans. Oh, wow. That was the first thing they... That was the main thing they were pushing. Were there Nazis in the Sullivans?

I didn't even know there were. Well, they went... I think they went... I think there's Nazis on the Mornington Peninsula. I think that was just a car park. I don't think that was a museum. Yeah, maybe it was nothing to do with the museum. Tony, you would have worked on stuff that would have had stuff donated to the TV museum, surely.

I think this is very sad. The White Show, did they donate Jason Stevens to the museum down there? They donated. They seriously did donate Mick Molloy's Bart Simpson's underpants that he wore when he ran onto the set of Ernie and Denise and jumped around on the couch. And I will put it in a glass case, thankfully, sealed. Yes. Did we talk about it on the show that I know the guy that then, he was wearing Bart Simpson underwear for a sketch

and jumping onto different TV shows. And then someone, because your show was live, did it to you. Yes. And it was right in the middle of something. He couldn't have timed it worse. So we just stand there like idiots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're going, do we refer to him or do we finish this sketch?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a disaster. And I think I remember you saying or someone saying that there was just inexplicably... No, I think Judith Lucy was doing warm-up, and she was looking in the crowd doing warm-up and going, why is this man in a massive trench coat, and it's 35 degrees? Oh, my God. But then we brought...

I think I brought it up to you and Mick, and you were like, this is the best thing that ever happened to this guy. And I brought it up to Mick, and he was like, I have no memory of that happening. No, it did happen. but you know that sketch only happened because we were meant to be filming this thing at mys you know how this is a part of the late show yes like this is when young carl chandler was staying home from parties not on purpose just not being invited

but we had to record like it was up to me and mick to come up with the first four minutes of the show and so they would always have the maya doorbuster sale yeah oh yeah 10 000 people would turn up so we had all these jokes planned we had like cattle were going to be running through we had a cop on a horse and we had a battering ram and all of these jokes depended on there being thousands of people there and we go there and 35 people turn up for the first time no one turned up for the doorbuster sale and we go we've got nothing for tomorrow night's show we're absolutely desperate and then someone said oh ernie and denise are doing their show live on the next floor which was like a morning show and we just go what

can we do and mick will always go oh i'll just take all my clothes on and just run onto their set in my underpants. And that was the segment. And that's what we did. And that's on the taxpayer-funded ABC. Yeah, great. And then you go... That's great. It seemed like a written sketch. It was like, oh, no,

Mick was actually just wearing Bart Simpson underwear. Like it's such a weird choice of underpants. Yeah. So that was just total desperation. And then, you know, all these fancy sketches in thatpants. Yeah. And then, so that was just total desperation. And then, you know, all these fancy sketches in that episode, and everyone's going, I love the bit where Mick's in his underpants on Ernie Deleuze.

So then it had to become a running thing. So the next week he ran onto the set of Burt Newton's show. And I think Burt was just mystified. Yeah. And then, of course, inevitably someone did it to us. Yeah. And we were absolutely. And you had the same reaction. Yeah.

You'd think we would have something funny to say. Nah. I think Mick was like, fuck off. It was a deathly moment of live television that somehow is not on any of the best of DVDs. The golden age of television. Beautiful. Yeah, that's...

This is... So just talking about being in Vietnam, you know know there's a thing where people always talk about how australians are the worst travelers right like that's such a like people have to be australians we shouldn't go overseas and you know that is true to an extent but being on this trip it's just kind of made me i was like spent ages in vietnam just being like this is such an unfair like thing that we get levelled with because everyone's fucking bad. But we went on this cruise and there's a bit of a mix.

There's people from all over. And just by the end of this trip, I was like, the French are fucked, the Germans are fucked. Why don't we rank all the nationalities in order of how much you hate them? French are up there. French are up there abroad. It's just like I think literally...

The cliche is true, the arrogance. Is that what's going on? I think it's just... You know what they're like? They're always running between rooms. They've got their wife in one room, their mistress in the other. A little bit of an ice bucket. One of them's on a bicycle.

Someone's working for the Allies. Someone's working for the Axis. Onions around the neck. Was there an LOLO theater show on the cruise ship? Oh, that would be good. Fawlty Towers Dining Experience at sea. Yes, it's L.O. Dining Experience. Great, great.

Yeah, it's so like, I think it just is, it's human nature that you go away from your home and you act like a complete cunt. It's just, there's something where it's like, this place isn't real. I'm in a TV show where there's something where it's like this place isn't real i mean i'm in a tv show where there's no real consequences to me i just by the end of it i was like why do australians get the bad rap everyone is like you're in line at a buffet people are shoving you out of the way we get a bad rap from ourselves right we often shit on ourselves we go i saw the worst australians in fucking england or whatever yeah Do other nationalities also hate us?

Oh, yeah. I was going to say, do the French go, oh, we are such bad travellers? Yeah, I wonder. I wonder. Well, then, so I had this in my head. I'm like, you know what? Australians, we're fine.

Like, everyone's bad. Every other nationality that I've seen on this trip has given me the absolute shits. And then we did this tour of these caves that are in Halong Bay. And they're like really beautiful, like awesome being inside them. And we get to this big open bit. And there's like an Australian family walking behind me. And we get into this big bit.

And it's super cavernous, like really echoey. And everyone's just kind of like marveling for a minute. And you can sort of like hear just like you whisper and it's echoing and the family behind me to test the echo, the guy goes, down, down prices are down and I'm like

I'm like, okay alright, the French are forgiven the Germans are forgiven we are the worst we're back on the throne. I can't even imagine how you would get to that as a test. Yeah. He's like, what's my favourite song?

The ultimate. Yeah, I'll sing my favourite song in this cave. Has that been yelled into the Grand Canyon yet? I guess it's like because you're saying down a couple of times already, then that echoing back, it'll just sound like there's eight million downs being made. Eight Rodan Kellys dancing in front of you. He would have discarded five swearier ones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he does deserve points for that. He does deserve points for, am I ever going to see your face again? I was like, no, straight, okay. Look, you know, yeah, the Germans are pushing in line in front of you in a buffet. Not happy, Jan. G-O-G-G-O. Dollar Ream.

Keep your eyes open for a bargain. Fuck, I've got to go back. Just doing this cave tour every day. I'm just camping next to the caves. I had the best time. Just waiting for Aussies to be in the tour. I'm going to kill in front of these guys. I'd love to be just on the tour and you just hear someone singing something in Arabic

and you're like, I bet that's an ad where he's going. That's the Arabic KFC jingle, I'm pretty sure. That's JB, you've done it again in Arabic. That's great. I believe we had a Tony yarn. Oh, well, should we think of travel? Yes. We were talking a lot about showbiz

and we will talk more about showbiz, but we were talking about comedy stories as we want to do. This is my favorite. This is a real subgenre of comedy is Greg Fleet stories. Yes. Now, most people's stories involve Greg asking them for money. Yes. And I have known Greg Fleet since 1987.

Right. and I have known Greg Fleet since 1987, and for 31 years I was able to say, honestly, he's never asked me for money. You have saved a lot of money over the years because you don't have any children and you've never given money to Greg Fleet. But it gets to the point where why isn't he asking me? Yeah.

And it's like I think he liked the idea of having one person who was always able to defend against that. That's quite an insult to you because it's like, you know, I'm doing well. I've done radio. I've done TV. That's right. So this went on for 31 years. And then this would have been 2018. He was doing a comedy festival show with Sam Peterson.

It was a sketch show. And I get a call on a Sunday morning. a sketch show and i get a call on a sunday morning can you come down to this cafe uh because we just want to read the scripts out to you and see what if you think this is good enough for a show so i go down there and immediately sam's reading the scripts out and fleety is kind of not interested he's looking at his phone and he's walking outside and he's on the phone he's coming back in and then and so it's around midday. And then he says, yeah, look, can we wrap this up? Because I've got to – and this is what he said.

He goes, I've got to – I'm on a flight at 1 o'clock. I've got to fly to Sydney because a bloke I went to school with is paying me $500 to write a play about him. That was an exact quote. And I'm going, okay, all him. That was an exact quote. And I'm going, okay. That's it. Holy shit. That's not much.

Okay. I'll go with this. That's why Shakespeare did the same thing. He used to get 500 bucks to write a play. I think they're at the same rate, yeah. And I've gone, okay, I'll accept that that's true. And then Sam Peterson has gone, okay, can you sit down, Greg, because we've really got to go through your script.

So then Fleet puts his phone down and does not look at his phone for half an hour. So keep that in mind. He has not looked at the phone. So time is going by. We're listening to the sketches. And it gets to like 20 to 1. And I go, Fleety, aren't you meant to be on a flight at 1 o'clock? And he goes, no, no, no, it's been cancelled.

And I'm looking at Sam, and he's looking at me and I'm like, well, how do you know you haven't looked at your flight? How did you hear that it's been cancelled in the last half hour? Did you just, through telepathy, hear that this flight has been cancelled? It was on the ticker on the TV at the cafe, obviously. Okay, okay. And then Sam Peterson goes out of the room to go to the toilet. And then after 31 years, it happens.

Fleety just says to me, he goes, yeah, mate, can I borrow 200 bucks? And it was like really sad. Like I'm going, oh, no, now I can never say that again. And then I say, why do you need 200 bucks? Yes. And Fleety goes, because I need to get a cab to St Kilda. And I respond, because it was true, but Fleety, we're in St Kilda. And then Fleety just goes, oh, fuck.

And it was just absolute defeat. It was just nothing, no comeback for that. Wow. Couldn't even spin something like, yeah, well, I'm going to make him take me to every street in St Kilda. Well, with that creativity, no wonder these plays cost $500. Because part of me is thinking, where would we have to be for it to be $200?

Yes. Tony, I'm in a real bind. I need to borrow half of a play. But I remember just going home going, oh, well, 31 years. Yeah. It was sad. At least it's a good one, though.

At least it wasn't just like, I need $20 to visit my child in Warrnambool or whatever I usually cost. That's true. At least after that long, you did get a good story out of it. It wasn't just like, can I have $50? And you went, okay. You've got something out of it. Now, I have to say, he did subsequently write a play with a bloke he went to school with. Right.

Was that the play that he put on? The twins? Yes, the twins. I'm going, gee, 500 bucks. You'd think he'd be getting more than that to write that play. Yeah, look, Tony. It's called the twins. He should get 1,000.

Yeah. Tony, I think he probably got enough out of him afterwards. I think it's fine. Turning up and being like, whoa, this wasn't part of the deal. I was writing a play about you for $500. All of a sudden there's twins? Yeah. We've got to renegotiate this.

To be fair, he probably just photocopied the bit he'd written. That's great. You watch the first act, you go to the interval, you come back, it's the same thing again. It's identical twins. It was a different twin that said it. Both get on stage at once. No.

Did you lend him the money? I didn't. No. It was just that, oh, fuck. It just all fell. The scheme fell to pieces in front of me. Well, Greg Fleety's a good touchstone for when you are on the show or for when we're just talking in private, Tony Martin.

But another great touchstone for you on this show is the Fawlty Towers dining experience. Yes. Is it still going? Yes, I think it is. I think it's got a run in the comedy festival this year.

Yeah, comedy festival. They're always back. Now this is a slight connection but this was I think a great moment maybe for both me and Cameron James over here is that we both

were employed as writers on the quite recent John Cleese roast. Oh, really? I was employed under the table for reasons we don't need to get into. Are you sure we don't need to get into them? We can dive into it a little bit, but I don't know. I don't know. I haven't been told by you, but I have heard whispers that you were told off quite vehemently and maybe yelled at over the phone by someone who had something to do with the show.

You're one of the great getting in trouble on podcasts. Like constantly getting in trouble. I've never gotten away with anything. So let's do it again now. This is the thing. People in the industry act like podcasts don't exist. Success in podcasting doesn't translate to anything else. They act like they couldn't give a fucking rat's ass about what you do

and what you've built. And so you kind of get lulled into this false sense of security of like, well, no one gives a fuck. And then you say one thing and all of a sudden, oh, you're all listening, are you? You know what Cam James acts like what happened in the first month of podcasting. Oh, no one listens to this. Let's just say

whatever the fuck we want. It'll never get back. You act like that now. I know. But the thing is because we're sitting in the living rooms, we're all relaxed

and wearing our hoodie, it feels like it's not real. No one's going to hear this. Yeah, exactly. And it's funny. So to tell you briefly, Tony, the first time,

the first Shane Jacobson roast was for Paul Hogan. That he organises the whole thing, yeah. Shane Jacobson organises, produces and hosts these roasts. And I believe he hires the cameras out for. Yeah, does everything. He's Australia's Jeff Ross. Yeah. Well, I was actually asked to be on the John Cleese roast by Dean Murphy.

Oh, I wish you were. Well, I just, I had to say no because I said look, I don't sort of do that. You know, it's Tom Gleeson, Sam Pang can do those sort of roast jokes. And I just went, look, I grew up with John Cleese. I've never met him. I've watched Fawlty Towers and Monty Python.

Do I want the first time I meet John Cleese to be me telling him what a piece of shit he is? I know that's your instinct. A three-year-old man that could barely move. He'd be rightfully sitting there going, who the fuck is this guy? That's what we were thinking too. We were thinking, why would anyone want to be on this?

I mean, I idolise John Cleese. I think if you're Tom Gleeson and that's your shit, that makes sense. Tony, Kenny calls you up and he says, we're doing the roast of Greg Fleet. Are you in on that one? Please. See, that's different because I do know Greg. Yes.

And I think that could be fun because, you know, but being roasted by someone you've never met feels weird. All those American ones too when it's like Bruce Willis and he's sitting there with all these comedians he's probably never heard of. You're infinitely more famous than them. It's all very strange. So I wrote on the Paul Hogan roast last year and went to the taping and then the very next day did Will Anderson's live podcast

and just made fun of it relentlessly. And that's quite a popular podcast. I know that now. And at the time I was thinking, this is funny. I'm getting laughs off Will. I'm doing this great podcast with his open mic of Will Anderson. I take back what I said before. Most of this is on you now that you've started the story.

And without compounding the issue, are you able to say an example of something you said? Well, I was quoting direct quotes from some of Kerri-Ann Kennelly's jokes and John Paul Young's jokes and a few of the others that are not comedians but had written gear for this. So Kerri-Ann had written her own material? Yeah, I'm sure they had some writers,

but she'd clearly done some writing. They had some staff writers, but she would have insisted on wedging some of them. Yeah, Kerri-Ann had written her own material? Yeah, I'm sure they had some writers, but she'd clearly done some writing. They had some staff writers, but she would have insisted on wedging to her own. Yeah, Kerri-Ann, Ernie Dingo. Like, it was a lot of not, you know. I mean, actually, Ernie was very funny. John Paul Young wasn't. But, you know. Anyway, then the next day I got a call from Shane Jacobson.

And I swear to God, a half an hour berating. Where I was being screamed at by Shane Jacobson. A man whose movies I've seen and you know he would say I admire the guy and he was screaming at me pouring a bucket of shit straight out of the toilet. Well Kenny is

I'm so inspired by Kenny. I love it. It's a classic. And Kenny was yelling at me over the phone saying fuck you you're how dare you and did he give it i heard there was a bit of like you'll never work in this town a lot of that yes great the my i've said this before so i've no i've no problem i'll say it again he said that i was being defamatory by making up jokes that they had said that went bad,

which is not true. I just told direct jokes. Word for word, yeah. So Shane Jacobs had said, you defamed me. How would you like it if I defamed you? How would you like it if I went on The Project tomorrow night and told Waleed Ali that Cameron James is a pedophile? Now, and not to... I can answer that question

I would love this exactly not to assume too much about you Cam I feel like I know you pretty well but tell me if I'm out of line you'd love that

that'd be the best day of your life and also I believe the law says if it's true you're allowed to say what you want so clearly Shane Jacobson

listens to Tofop He's on the blow the very next day What if this is how we find out Shane Jacobson listens to the little Dundas? All I'll say is If you invite getting a call tomorrow To your listeners, please don't be snitches Don't tag Shane Jacobson Well, that'll fall on deaf ears

Hang on, you're saying you'll never work in this town again But are you now telling me you then worked on the John Cleese roast? I then sneakily wrote on the John Cleese roast. Did you have a false moustache on? How did you get past that? A bit of freelance writing. You had to go into all the

you had to tell the, never mind, I was trying to make it clear that you've been a pen pal. Look, Tony, when you update the IMDB page of the John Cleese roast, there's a few Alan Smithies I think you'll have to add in there. Oh, wait, I've got it. You couldn't work on it because the studio was too close to a school. There we go.

There we go. We got there. They were filming The Wiggles next door. And you were also on it as well. It was me, you. We were doing sneaky work. I think Goldstein as well. But does Shane Jacobson know that you were doing sneaky work. I think Goldstein as well. But does Shane Jacobson

know that you were doing sneaky work? I doubt it. I doubt it very much. Wow, you might want to watch the project after this episode drops. Oh my God,

next time he gets booked tonight on the project, I cannot wait. We've got an exclusive local comedian. This is great. We need to get Cam over to that

Hoi-Anne Taylor and all the comments on the photo of him. This is great. We need to get Cam over to that Hoi An Taylor and all the comments on the photo of him. This is my favourite Australian pedophile. He looks great in this suit. Oh, my God. I love that. What are you promoting tonight, Shane? Well...

Wait and see. It's a big secret. I'm going to give you an exclusive. Oh, my God. I would just like to see... What I'd like to see about that is like, what's Waleed responding to that with? Who's Cameron James? Then Sam Torn would have to pop up.

Yeah, that's great. That's really great. I'll vouch for him. I met him a long time ago, to be fair, when I was three, but he was a good guy. him a long time ago to be fair when i was three but he was a good guy but are you did you bring that up because stephen hall was um oh stephen hall played did stephen hall play he played basil faulty but not in the dining experience in the proper cleese endorsed okay i believe that was sort of created because john Cleese Realised how much money

That the dining experience Was making And how much money He could save By not serving a meal Yeah It is a crime That the dining experience

Wasn't invited to be Part of the roast In any way That is Because they could have Brought an actual roast Yeah So the dining experience

There's currently As we all know There's a dining experience Fawlty Tales dining experience. There are people called Manuel but like changed so it's manual so they can't get sued or whatever. Yeah, and Fawlty Tales is spelled wrong but correctly. Yes.

I think it's all slightly different so they can't get sued. So then years ago they created the Fawlty Tales just live show without food that was in opposition. Then sort of the funny thing is that didn't last that long but the Fawlty Tales

Dining Experience is still going because Stephen Hall was the main actor on that so he was on the roast you were writing for that I was writing for

three different comedians and then I went and saw the show which was like heaps of fun to see you know as comedians

we all like we like to see things funny and things not funny, which then makes things funny again. Yeah. There was a few big deaths. You, I, there was a few people that you,

a few lines that I spotted of yours that were very funny. Oh, okay. Yeah. I spoke to you and Goldstein about it. It sounded like it was a pretty, it sounded like the best jokes of the night came out of lawrence mooney's mouth that's what i heard some good mooney gags he he did the best i think

on the night yeah yeah yeah okay that's fine you're welcome uh so yeah you part of that yeah that's good uh no but a lot of people did quite well it was good yeah but but i so i wrote for three different people which meant that i had much. I wrote so much that so much got overlooked. I thought maybe I could share some of the offcuts of stuff that wasn't allowed on air. Yeah, yeah. Because there's some stuff that was literally not allowed on air legally. And then some stuff that, you know, there's quality control even on that show. Yeah, let's hear it.

Do you want to hear a few things that were not looked over? Apparently John Cleese was massive in the 80s. He's still around now, but you never really hear about him. He's like the AIDS of comedy. They didn't want that on Channel 7 at 7.30 for some reason. I don't know. I don't know what's going on over there at Channel 7. Comedy is the one job where you can get employed

and do it completely wrong. Like, the brief is, this will be on Channel 7 at 7.30 and you put an AIDS joke in and they just go, we won't use that one. Like, rather than, like, any other job, if you came in and did it so arse backwards to the brief.

I don't know how much post-production you do on the Dum Dum Club, but when you're mixing this episode down, could you add drum kicks for each of these? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe a canned laugh? Yeah, yeah, please. Can you hear a standing ovation?

Yeah, sure. All right. Well, I'll do a few in a row and you can add. We'll put a little rim shot. Yeah, put a little rim shot and applause in. Add a bit of sugar to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure.

Random fact, Keith Richards from the Rolling Stones hasn't done heroin since the 80s, which means that just like John Cleese, he hasn't had a hit in 40 years. Oh, that's good. That's all right. That's a good one. Where is this one? Oh, yeah. For anyone out there who doesn't know who John Cleese is, he's a bit like casual racism.

Funny 50 years ago, but not anymore. When I see the questionable late career choices of John Cleese, I always think, why couldn't he have done what Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers did and died 30 years ago? John Cleese, you're loved and adored, and most of us wouldn't be here without you, the same way they think of Shane Jacobson down at KFC.

Was Jacobson on it? Yes. Yeah, he was hosting it. Yes, yes. So there's a few of the... Oh, don't worry. You'll be hearing from him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So why didn't you put them on the show? So then, here's the thing. Now, it wasn't told to me officially, but I just kept pitching jokes about Steve Visor because you're on the show. He was on the show. Oh, right. You're on the show. So that means if you're on the show, you're up for it.

The roast format is you get up and you sort of go across the whole panel before you get to the subject. If the roast is of Tommy Dasso, you get up and you say, Cam James is here, well-known pedophile, and go on with that. Explain why the ball pits out the front. Something like that. Something like that, right. That's the way.

That's the template of it, right. So Steve Visard's on there, and of all the jokes I pitched, all of them got knocked back, not given any official reason. But the thing that you think about Steve Visard is some certain court cases that happen. Of all the jokes I pitched, all of them got knocked back. Not given any official reason. But the thing that you think about, Steve, is some certain court cases that happened. I believe he was found guilty of in the 90s or something like that. Yet, these jokes were knocked back. In 2021, Rolling Stone magazine made a list of the greatest sitcoms of all time. And Fo towers only came in at number 68 68 what a disgrace the fact it isn't in the top 10 is even more criminal than steve visard great

here we go we're on here yeah see guys i did the last time you made me laugh was when you said not you were not guilty yeah yeah that's good yeah that's good um all right and who's knocking these back that's a good question yeah. And who's knocking these back? That's a good question. Yeah. I remember last year getting told you weren't allowed to do anything about the Visard court case. And so I don't think I ended up with any jokes about him. Would it be good information to pass on?

Yeah. There was a few I remember being told there were guidelines. You weren't allowed to make fun of Paul Hogan's marriage failures, a few other little ones like that. That's the sweetest plum. I didn't see any of those guidelines this year, did you? No, no, no, not at all. Well, I don't think the people who I was working for gave a fuck.

Yeah, yeah. You just seen them in and they get knocked back or they get through. Yeah. So what else did we have? Then the rest of them were ones about the other guests. So one of the producers told me just before we started, this show is to have no C words, which is why I'm shocked to see Tom Gleeson

because he's a massive C word. There we go. I do have a lot of... Oh, this is for someone that had a bit of work done, one of the performers. Oh, okay. I do have a lot of Botox in my face. If you don't know what Botox is,

it gets rid of all the lines. A bit like Lawrence Mooney in the bathroom tonight. Oh, okay. I do have a lot of Botox in my face. If you don't know what Botox is, it gets rid of all the lines. A bit like Lawrence Mooney in the bathroom tonight. There we go. Now, and I think what's happening here, correct me if I'm wrong, you're writing for a few different people. Yes. And you're writing lines for them about... Double agenting.

Yes. The mole. Wow. Said to all of them, I swear I'm only writing for you. Can I, and I don't want to spoil the show, because I'm assuming it hasn't been to air when this episode drops. So what did John Cleese make of all this? Well, I didn't go to the taping, but you did, right?

He sat in a chair. The weird thing about the show is... Lardy, duh. He just sort of wheeled out and sat in the chair for about three hours and they didn't mic him up, so he just didn't have any response to any of it. So there was like a lot of people there to see John Cleese and then he did not speak for three hours

and people were like, this is getting to nearly 11 o'clock at night and we have not heard the man who we came here to see speak. And he just gave three hours' worth of mock offence. And I assume he... Is there anyone on the show that he knows? Like, it's just... I think he'd work with Shane.

Sure. He's in a Shane movie. And Stephen Hall. Yes. No, he worked with... Of course he worked with Shane on the famous, The Fabulous Mr. Dundee. Yeah, the very excellent Mr. Dundee.

But what about, doesn't he do a rebuttal at the end? He did do a rebuttal at the end, but it was not to any of the individual people. He gave it a bit of who the fuck are you people. It was quite obvious. I don't think that had to be written for him. He was very funny at the end. He was very funny at the end. It was great to see him.

But look, we'll get back to John Cleese because I'll just say the last couple. Cleese has made some great movies, of course, but a ton of bad ones. Shane Jacobson, he's trying the same strategy. He just has to make a good one first. Shane's the face of the supermarket chain, IGA. By the look of him, they're not the fresh food people.

That's good. So it was a great experience. You've been writing these since the show finished. I know. No one even employed me. I just came to people and went, I've got 10 pages of these. Who wants which ones? Insert name here.

Insert fat person here. Don't worry. I got some good fat person jokes up. Oh, yeah. Nice. Nice. So, no, I loved it. I loved it.

But the good thing is, so then, the funny thing is, and of course, I've got that thing with John Cleese that you're saying. Yeah. And you're saying, Tony, he's like, I was obsessed with Monty Python as a kid. We used to hire the VHS, you know, the Flying Circus episodes. I'm more of a fan of them than the movies. I'm not such a Life of Brian fan or anything.

I thought the series was so great. And they've influenced what I've done growing up and whatever. And I love them. So then I'm there doing that. I'm like, well, this overrides that. Getting to write jokes about him and whatever. That overrides any love or whatever. But then after that, I get invited back to the green room for beers and everything.

And I'm sort of like talking to and i think some of the comedians then find out that i'm a bit of a double agent i'm trying to spread myself around the room everyone's giving you a secret nod yeah yeah some of them are like why are you talking to this person so much you're giving compliments on his jokes so i'm standing there and um and they're oh, well, of course, John's 83. John Clayson's 83. So he's been sitting in that throne and it's like, my God, imagine sitting in the same chair for three hours

and having to sort of concentrate and whatever. It's brutal. So he's clearly not going to come to the after party or anything like that. And they're all saying that. And so we're in there having a few beers and whatever. And then after about half an hour, 45 minutes, John walks in. And it's not a big after party.

It's pretty much the performers and the crew. And so he then sits down sort of next to us where I'm standing and talking to someone. And no one's bothering him because the only people that are in the green room are the comedians and the crew that have already worked with him. So he's sitting there and I'm going, I mean, I can actually talk to John Cleese after all this. I might even be able to get a photo with John Cleese and talk to John Cleese. The one person who hasn't slagged him off yet. Or so he thinks.

Yeah, exactly. I'm like, this is great. No one is annoying him. He's actually looking bored. No one's actually... John, here's a few of my jokes that got knocked back. You're like AIDS. What do you reckon?

Can you sign this AIDS joke? Can you sign my off cut? So I'm sitting there and I've had a few beers by then and I'm like going, oh great, you know what? He's not going to get bothered. He's sitting there and it's like five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes go by and I'm like, great, he's going to actually love talking get bothered. He's sitting there, and it's like five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes go by, and I'm like, great. He's going to actually love talking to me.

He's so bored. And then I get into a conversation, and then I turn back 10 minutes later, and he's gone. And I've gone, fuck, I've missed the opportunity to talk to John Cleese, like a real formative force in my comedy. We'll go down with one of the greatest comedians of all time.

He's sitting there bored he would rather have talked to me than nothing happened so now I get to go to my grey knowing that I didn't talk to

John Cleese because I was talking to Limo oh yes that's good I can just imagine you and Limo

so what Adelaide Fringe venue yeah yeah oh yeah it was the most can just imagine you and Limo. So what Adelaide Fringe venue are you doing this year? Oh, yeah. It was the most dog shit conversation. Are you in the garden or are you doing the rhino room? I had a great time at the Napier the other day. Yeah, yeah.

Should I get one of those sausage rolls? No, they're good. They're cold. Don't get one of them. Meanwhile, you could be asking a comedy legend. Yes. Yeah. Get this, Limo.

They've still got a DVD shop in Bangkok. It's crazy. There's still one there. The perfect ending for this would be John Cleese now listening to this episode. Oh, God, I would love that. Getting a phone call. Yeah, Jacobson style to Cam. Getting a call from him.

Yes. He's already spoken to Wiley, so he can't. Yeah, that's true. It's true. John Cleese requesting that we dub over the AIDS joke over the top of one of the other jokes. Yeah, yeah. I love that joke.

Why didn't you force that through? God damn it. Fuck, that's so good. Yeah. So then is he doing like a tour year or something or he's gone now? I don't know, actually. Yes, he was.

He was doing like an evening with John Cleese. Right, right. I went to one of them a few years ago the alimony tour it was I think McAuliffe chaired it or something it's clearly just

pre-approved questions that McAuliffe asks that just lead to a bit that Cleese has I'm just constantly confused there's

John Cleese and Eric Idle and they're just always on tour with a show that's got a name like not Dead Yet. Yes. Got bills to pay.

Constantly. Yeah, it's up there because it's that thing. Remember when the Rolling Stones in like 82, they put out like in 81, they tattoo you and it's like, oh, they're strolling bones over there. It's like that was 40 something years ago. Yeah. That was them in their prime. I was talking to someone about this recently. Remember when you saw the video for Start Me Up and you went,

look at those old men? Yeah. That's 1981. They were 41. I'm 41 then. That is great. I'm just going to – how early can you start doing that, calling your festival show like, please disconnect the live support?

You know what I mean? I'm sick of the breathing machine. I'm 38. I'm six years older than when they were calling Mick Jagger a grandpa. Well, you never know. Something could happen to me in three years and I could be gone. So maybe I should just start it now under the assumption that, you know, you never know.

You never know when your time's going to run out. Just calling it for the last time. You've already got your name for your show. It's Lemony Weatherman. Sexy Lemon Weatherman. And Cam James Pedophile. Not guilty. All right, we'd better wrap it up there for another edition of The Little Dumb Dumb Club.

Cam and Tony, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. Tony, you have Sizzletown, your podcast. It still persists. It's still available. Great.

Check it out. If you're sick of the bullshit of riffing and saying stuff that you shouldn't be saying on this show, get some proper scripted

comedy. Good luck wearing some Bart Simpson underwear and jumping in the middle of one of Tony's podcasts. I'll have a crank of it myself.

Yeah, check that out. And Cam, you've just relaunched your podcast. Yes, Alexi Toliopoulos and I have relaunched our podcast. We've changed the name to Special Features. Also, fun fact, Sizzletown beat our podcast Finding Drago at the Australian Podcasting Awards about five years ago. So I'm furious at you about that. Well, I've subsequently been beaten every year by Dan Illich. Yeah, that's a rational fear.

A rational fear. So what goes around? Sorry you both lost that massive grift of an award. Yeah, we had to pay to be nominated and not win. Had to pay to lose. The Greg Fleet Podcast Awards, I believe. pay to be nominated and not win. We had to pay to lose. The Greg Fleet Podcast Awards, I believe. They should be rechristened.

Alright, check all that stuff out. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, Bernard, you've

treated us nice. Yeah. We've got big footprints on our backsides because you've kicked us a big one. Oh, we're being kicked now. Yeah, sure. Why not?

We used to be spectators and now we're right in the thick of it. Yeah. You've got to keep saying something different. Yeah, that's it. Fun ep. Great ep. Yeah. We're back in my digs.

We are. The scene of the crime. I remember it well. Yes. A classic session with Tony. Perhaps more off air than on. Oh, yes. Yeah, good fucking hour and a half session or something.

You blank out. You learn from the past and you blank out the whole morning and afternoon. Man, one time we did an episode with him here years and years ago. And then I think you might have been here for a bit. And then I think we were still here, honestly, three hours later. Yeah, yeah. We did the ep and then we were chatting for a lot afterwards. And I had something to go to.

So I bailed out. And then the next day you were like, it went for like another two hours. And then I had to go. I had to kick this childhood hero of mine out of my house yes i had to say tony i've got to go yeah yeah the pod was at 11 and you were like i've got a gig at eight yeah yeah we just went through the whole career we went through late show yep uh martin molloy get this fucking everything great guy cam had never met him and he was saying to me afterwards like oh it's, I was a bit nervous, you know. It's like legend.

And then just immediately he's like your best friend. Yeah, yeah. He just has no like, you know, he has no wall with people. He's just straight in there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a lot of fun. And not a typical Cam James episode, I reckon. It's always a bit looser with him on it, but I think he was a little bit more in awe of Tony.

He was behaving himself. He was a good boy. Heaps of good shit. That was fun, wasn't it? We did it a week ago now. I can't remember. No, I think it was a really good one. Yeah, it's good. It's good. Weirdly, I think it was a looser Tony than we usually get. Yes, he's loosened up. So they kind of met in the middle.

Cam went a bit more straight. Tony went a bit more loose. It's been a long time since we first had him on, Tommy, on a live show. And we kept him backstage for 40 minutes before we brought him on. We sure did. In a very bad decision. Yep. That we learned from quickly.

We thought it was like a gig. Yeah. He's the headliner. Yeah. You bring him on last. Yeah. He's the headliner. Yeah. You bring him on last. Yeah. And just getting a, you know, great guy with much better things to do than do our thing and just put him in a fucking cupboard for 40 minutes.

People want to see him? Yeah. Well, let's give him three minutes. Yeah. Go back and listen to that episode if you can. Is that even on the main feed or was that a bonus back in the day? No, I think it's on... You know what?

I think it is a... I think it's on... You know what? I think it is a... I think it's on our band camp maybe, but didn't we do... At the start of lockdown, we put a bunch of those on Patreon where we went back and listened to them. Yeah. So you've got the episode

and then you've got us reflecting on the episode 10 years on. Okay, well, good ad to sign up to Patreon. You can get that. Or maybe it's on our band camp if that still exists yeah it's out there yep um we had we met tony on a live show it was him celia and thorno i think wasn't it hmm yeah maybe i reckon it was thorno was i remember it was thorno coming in hot from the races oh yeah okay or the football yep football that's what it was One of our One of our first Sort of live shows Sort of

Very early Very early Yeah maybe second or third year In the Melbourne Town Hall it was Yeah Back when we were Doing live shows And making no money off them

Even though people were coming Yep Good shit A very good deal happening there But hey speaking of us making money And yeah speaking of bonus episodes Patreon.com Slash dum-dum club. If you get on there, you can support the show,

which we really appreciate. And also, you get two bonus mini episodes a week, more often than not featuring guests that you've heard on the main episode. And this week is no exception. That's it. Two very loose eps coming up with Tony and Cam. Fuck.

Yeah, I was going to say to you, because we did talk about it on the ep. I'd fucking love to somehow stitch that into the normal episode, but I guess it's too late for that now. But there's some really good shit in there. Yeah. I want this to be in fucking popular canon. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Maybe we can, maybe we leave it on the Patreon for a bit and then we can just like, I't know we could reheat it on talking dum-dum in a little bit all right i don't know we'll figure it anyway you gotta get well it's really good yeah it's really good so

it yeah this might incentivize some people who've never previously gotten around to signing up to the page yeah we'll put it yeah put it this way i'm i was like fuck we've got to get this to more people this was really good yeah these bonus episodes. So anyway, great shit. Also, look, we haven't recorded next week's episode yet, Tommy. But I would say I'm very much looking forward to it, given what we think it's going to be. It's a rare one for us. It's not just like, let's just get these two people in.

We're doing it timed to a specific event with some people involved in the event. Yes. So very much. Yeah. I want to be part of it already. I'm excited that we've just planned something in advance for once. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's going to be good. It's going to be good. So anyway. I was messaging some of the guests about it while I was in Vietnam and they were like, fuck, doing this on holiday. I'm like, well, it's going to make the holiday better if I just know I'm getting back and I've got, you know, this is all planned.

Yeah, it's going to be good. It's going to help me relax. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub or you can just simply go to our website and click the link from there. Also, you can get t-shirts from there as well. Or you can just simply go to our website and click the link from there. Also, you can get t-shirts from there as well. So, if you do that, sign up.

You get all those bonus episodes. You get the great ones coming up. You get some great ones in the past. Heaps of them. 360 of the bastards. Little bite-sized episodes too. Nothing too, you know. None of these unwieldy two-hour specials like we're doing right now where you've got Talking Dumb Dumb.

There's no, should we do Talking, well, look, we've never really said this in Talking Dumb Dumb, but we call the bonus episodes a different thing, don't we? Yeah. I don't know if we've ever said what it's called. I don't know what all this we stuff is. All right. Well, that means both of us. Well, neither of us have. Well. We haven't said what the all this we stuff is. All right. Well, that means both of us. Well, neither of us have. Well.

We haven't said what the name of the show is on this show. No, I know, but I would say, no, but my point was that we don't call the bonus episode something different. Right, right, right. I made that up. It's 100% you. Yes. It wasn't a meeting. Let's call it this. Yes.

Yes. It was an off-the-cuff one day that's now just stuck yes but i'm saying we neither of us have mentioned what it's called on this show yeah right um but we don't have a talking dum-dum version of it so that's something also we don't have a you mean we do the bonus and then we record a thing after the bonus where we talk about what's just happened. Yes, yes. Oh, God. There's enough work. We don't need to do any more. There's enough talking in the week.

Yeah, there's no real sign of the appreciation of the bonus episodes, let alone talking back into the bonus. Or talking dum-dum for that matter. Yes, yes. Or the normal episode. Some weeks, not even the normal episode. There'll be a lot of interest some weeks in a fact that we've gotten wrong or a word that we've mispronounced yes and that's about it that's it that's it just a lot of fact checkers out there rather than content enjoyers that's a good idea for a pod the

corrections corner right where it's an hour of you just getting things wrong for that person oh for that person that just loves to doing it on purpose doing it on purpose right so you just have an hour where you've written out facts that are incorrect or slightly off yeah and it's it's for the you know it's borderline you know asmr just appeals to a certain type of brain it's like that it's the sort of person that loves to sit there and be like um actually uh it's pronounced aluminum you know that sort of stuff. Yeah. So just doing on purpose what we do just naturally, accidentally.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Well, thanks to everyone who subscribes. In particular, these fresh young folk that have never had their name read out on this show before. Yep. But all that's about to change.

Record scratch. Yeah. Freeze frame freeze frame yeah that's me you're probably wondering how i got on this patreon yeah i'll see this hole in my wallet where the money used to be that's how uh thank you very much to patreon subscriber here we go um their name is this but then anyway look let's take a look at these thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber Shan Surya Shan Surya yeah but I don't know whether that's like

maybe their married name or they've changed their name because then their email address is a little bit different so it's like Shan Vanderstukken

which I like better. Van Der Stukken. Yeah. I don't mind that. How's Surya spelled? Well, mainly because I'm not sure I'm pronouncing that properly. S-U-R-Y-A. Surya.

Hmm. That sounds about right. Yeah. I thought you were going to say, it sounded like you were saying sewer. Yeah. Which I was going to say to you. So when you were a kid when you were little what did you find the funniest things you know like kids like at the moment my child is like

obsessed with you know everything she says that when she's trying to say something stupid or funny it's toilet and bum and poo yeah i i actually am not sure as a little kid if i ever went through i don't have a memory of going through a toilet and poo and bum stage i have to be completely honest i may have just wiped it from my memory maybe my parents would have a different rate of it i mean i could text my dad now and say what's the first thing you remember me finding funny right and find out yeah but um but no i don't i don't really remember do you do you have a memory of being like a absolutely obsessed with yeah yeah stuff when you were little yeah i this is just reminding me because i used to you would have been a big like comic book drawer or a cartoon drawer when you're a kid surely

like i was obsessed with making my own little comic books and stuff like that and they're always like um you know one page six panel like oh fuck i would love to see what i was like because i'm like that was like comedy i was writing comedy then yeah i was trying like i was imitating um those british comic books that would come out that were like called wizard and you know yeah yeah not you know but ones like that right and their format was like maybe eight panels and it would be a character the same character

every week or whatever and there'd be a joke there'd be a little one off story there'd be a punchline at the end so I was like

writing comedy back then fuck I would love to see the comedy I was writing at like seven years old or eight years old

but I was deliberately doing it we had a family friend who lived in the UK who would like post me over like Beano and all the like bino and yeah all the like british comics yeah and i was always i've never really i was always fascinated by like even

just being a little kid i was aware that there was like an american dennis the menace who was like a little blonde the little blonde kid yes and then there was like the british version in bino with the stripe who was just a real nasty looking little cunt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the American one, he's just kind of like a mischievous little boy. Slingshot in the back pocket. Yeah, sort of maybe accidentally getting into his scrapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then it's like the British one looked like he was just like mugging old women in the street. He had a real mean looking little dog as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was always like. Black hair, frown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

He was like evil looking. And I was always like, why did... How come the Brits just got licensed to just take this character and turn him into an absolute little bastard? How come there are two canonical Dennis the Menaces? Yeah, I think it's great. It speaks to both places where it's like, yeah, this Dennis the Menace is just working class.

He's got no money for fucking gas. He's a Green Street hooligan. Yeah, he's just a cunt. He's a product of his upbringing and surrounding. He's a menace, mate. Yeah. The other bloke's like, he's a real menace. It's like, man, he lives in fucking some gated neighborhood.

Suburban, yeah. His dad's earning fucking 450k a year. Well, I think the difference was the American dennis the menace he's only a menace in the context of mr wilson right right so it's more just that like there's this crotchety old prick who lives next door to him who just doesn't like kids yep dennis is just kind of like running around doing his thing he's just being a kid and mr wilson's like this little asshole i hate him whereas like british dennis the men, I don't think he has a Mr. Wilson equivalent. I think he just is like walking out the front door

and being like, I'm going to go start a fire in that bin. Yeah, yeah. Just cause. What is it with Wilsons and living next door? That's a... Two. Yeah. So you've got Dennis, your home improvement.

Yeah. Maybe they're the same Wilson. Yeah, is it? Well, we never saw the face of the home improvement one Yeah. Maybe they're the same Wilson. Yeah, is it? Well, we never saw the face of the home improvement one, so it could be. Maybe that's like the start of, maybe like ep one of home improvement,

the Taylors move in. Yeah. And the real estate agent's like, yeah, look, you're getting a good deal in this house. A little boy was like tragically murdered in here by the neighbor. And so that's why. It's actually Tim not wanting to see this guy's face because he knows that wilson brought over his flew over his grandson from england yeah and they

fought over who should be called dennis the menace and the english one stabbed him in the eyes and killed him did they ever do a crossover i wonder if there's ever anything that exists where they like yeah brought them together but what like to my knowledge that's like the only cartoon where there's ever been two completely different versions of with the same name in different countries. There's not like a British Mickey Mouse that's smoking darts. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure. Remember there was a cartoon Ghostbusters and then there was another one called The Real Ghostbusters? Oh, yeah.

But the whole thing was about The Real Ghostbusters was they weren't The Real Ghostbusters. Oh, yeah. But the whole thing was about The Real Ghostbusters. Real Ghostbusters was they weren't The Real Ghostbusters. They were just made up. Oh, right. They weren't like the... Ghostbusters, the cartoon, had Venkman. Ghostbusters was using the characters from the movie. Whatever. Yeah.

And Real Ghostbusters was just like a side thing. They just made something up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're completely different characters. Yeah, that's kind of cool. Yeah. It's just so funny to call them The Real when they were the opposite of that. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, They're completely different characters. Yeah, that's kind of cool. Yeah. It's so funny to call them the real when they were the opposite of that. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, all going back to this, my thing that I was obsessed with in these comic books was I was obsessed with the idea of, not poo, but the term sewerage. Oh, okay. And I was obsessed with the idea of going to the sewerage farm. Yeah, yeah, nice. Going to the place where all the shit ends up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going to the place where all the shit ends up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That really stuck with me.

That would be quite a sight. I've never done it. No. But, yeah. I was just obsessed with the idea that it all goes to one place where everyone's shits live in this one place. Like the opposite of Disneyland, just the worst place on earth. Imagine being at the sewage farm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were drawing comics about the sewage farm and about people ending up there. Yeah, a lot of the punchlines were people ending up in the sewage farm. The sewage farm. It is a good... Yeah, it's a good... I might bring it back.

Yeah, bring back the sewage farm. Yeah. Well, speaking of sewers, I want to see that... I'm pumped to see that new Ninja Turtles movie that's coming out. Really? It looks cool. Yeah. Is it? I don't know anything it's like a it's kind of a cartoon and it's done in that sort of like spider-man spider-verse kind of style oh yeah where the animation's like it's cgi but it's

like a bit shitty you know it's like a bit kind of rough around the edges right how many times they're going to reboot the ninja turtles yeah i know i think this one's meant to be pretty good so maybe this is one that'll stick for you know know, because it's like they do one, people hate it. And then they just, you know, then they just reset it. I guess they've done kind of the same thing with Spider-Man. They've done like eight Spider-Mans, some of them really bad. And they're like, all right, well, Hulk, another good example.

Yeah. People hated Eric Banner. So they just, Marvel just pretend that one doesn't exist. Yeah. Eric Banner, a guy who lives in Melbourne and knows Dave O'Neill. And I've asked him several times, like, get him on the pod. Yeah. Nah, can't even get him on my pod.

He did WTF and he was talking about doing stand-up on there. Yeah. I'm like, all right, well, he's acknowledging his comedic past. Yeah. That's a step in the right direction. Yeah. He's doing a pod where he's talking about comedy. Yeah. Yeah, weird one.

Well, I'm obsessed with sewerage and I'm obsessed with Shansuraage. I wonder what Shansuraage is. Oh, sewerage. Sewerage?

Or Van Der Stukken, age. Sewer's age. Yep. Or Van der Stukken, whatever. But thanks, Jan. Thanks, Jan. Thanks for reminding me of my childhood obsession with other people's poo and where it ended up. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Tom Llewellyn Griffiths. Any need for that, you reckon? Hyphen?

No. No hyphen? No. So what, Llewellyn middlephen? No. No hyphen? No. So what, Llewellyn middle name? Yep. Oh, okay. Sure. Well, either you accidentally forgot the hyphen.

Louie. No need. No need to. Just for future reference, anyone subscribing to this show on Patreon, no need to put your middle name in there. Yeah. Unless you really think that's a value for money. You know, you're really getting the most out of your read. So, surname, actual surname Griffin.

Griffiths. Griffiths. Tom Griffiths. Griffiths. Llewellyn. Chuck that in there, though. Just bragging about how many L's you can whack in a name and still get away with it. That's four.

Oh, yeah. Four in there. Double L. Is that the most Welsh name you can have? That's chewing up the Scrabble tiles. I'm sure I've said this on here before, but a friend of mine from school, he had this pseudonym where any time he would go and order

like a coffee or a burger joint and you have to give your name, he would always give his name as Gavin Griffiths. Why? Full name don't know just i think that was his that was his no no it wasn't his name it's just a name that he came up with that he found funny and he also just found it funny to like someone asking for your name for a coffee you give them you give them your full name gavin griffiths have you ever mean. Because it's so clunky to say. That's good. You drink coffee and I don't. So I've never fucked with the whole, you know, giving a name for coffee.

Yeah. It's a bit of a trope or whatever. But like, have you ever done that? Given a fake name. Yeah. Have you ever played around with it? No, but I went through this weird period where i would get i people would get my name wrong all the time i had this period of about like two months where i think i you know this i don't know if i ever said it on the show but i booked a table for

the grand final one year oh yeah at the royston yeah and um then our group kind of ballooned out. And so I said to my friend, oh, why don't you call and book a second table next to my one so that we can fit all of us? So he calls up and he's like, oh yeah, my friend called and booked this table. And the pub go, oh yeah, she called earlier. So that's already pretty funny.

And then we walk in and I've booked under the name Tom, and we walk in and there's just a big sign on our table saying, reserved for Pom. Yeah. P-O-M. Yeah. Not a name. Yeah.

Not a word. Not anyone's name. Yeah. Like, why would you, like, Tom is not a hard name to get right. Yeah. And then I was just like, that led to just this weird. But also, I like the idea that, like, they've gone, oh, she rang up. So it's like, oh, this is a girl.

The female voice doesn't really lend anything to like turning Tom into Pom. Well, that's become like my nickname with that group of friends now is Pomela. Yeah. Because it's like, well, female name. Yeah. A lady called Pomela. So there was that. And then there was like, I just had this run of like i

would always get dom and then there was one where i got mike like i'm sitting there yeah and i just hear like my coffee's been ages yeah and i'm like hey sir i think you've forgotten my order and they're like oh soy flat white with wine i'm like yeah and they're like yeah it's been sitting here we've been calling your name out and i look on the cup and it says mike right i'm like that is yeah i don't know how even in the loudest environment with me mumbling yeah i don't know how you get mike from me saying tom i get i get i like this one a lot i get a lot of this on email and text well not no sorry not text on email particularly where they'll say hey carl c, C-A-R-L. And it's like, it's there.

It's there. Yeah, yeah. You're replying to the email that says K-A-R-L. And you're replying to a message that says, blah, blah, blah, thanks, Carl, with a K. Yeah. No worries, Carl, with a C. I'm like, are you fucking doing this on purpose? Bit of a blast from the past in Vietnam actually.

Every time I was calling up in the hotel to be like, hey, can we book an airport transfer tomorrow or whatever? Yeah.

Getting a lot of certainly madam from the hotel staff. Fucking hell. Can you get one of them on tape please? When you think you're going to cop it,

can you please get it on tape? Yeah, okay. I would like to hear it. Yeah. Because I want to hear the voice because I can't, am I like, you know, you know when kids, they say, oh, only kids can hear this frequency. If you're over 40, you can't hear it.

Oh, yeah. Is that me? Can I not hear your female frequency? Maybe. Well, I mean, it is. That does happen to your ears. You can't hear higher frequencies. Yeah.

So maybe you just hear all bass. I'm just hearing the bass of your voice. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. Yeah. That would be good to know. Yeah. the bass of your voice. Yeah. Yeah, interesting. That would be good to know if that's what's happening. Let us know if you're like 60 and you listen to this. Yeah.

Do you just hear me as the most like baritone motherfucker? Are you like, I can't wait to listen to Carl and Barry White on the Little Dumb Dumb Club everywhere. Boy, that Carl's voice, I mean, in the context of that pod, he sounds like a little girl. Yeah, yeah. I mean, in the context of that pod, he sounds like a little girl. Yeah, yeah. Who's that shrill Carl next to that big black co-host that's also dead? Well, thank you.

Thanks, Mr. Griffiths. Thanks, Llewellyn. Llewellyn. Thanks for a man that... Llewellyn Griffiths. Has got more L's in his name. Has looked at the word llama and thought, I can whack more L's. Yeah. Pathetic. Good on you Tommy. Thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber Sarah Geisler. Sarah Geisler. G-E- I-S-L-E-R Okay. Yeah. You'll accept that. Geisler sounds like a, you know, like a brand, like a company.

American brand. Yeah, you would drive past a really nondescript office building. You'd see that sign out the front. I can see the logo already. Yeah. You'd just be like, I have absolutely no idea what they do in there. They could make boxes. They could make medical equipment.

Yeah. They could be like a stationary company. You could tell me they make literally anything I'm hoping it's something like that rather than food I don't want to eat anything from Geisler's

oh you mean like a they make like preservatives I think maybe they're like a chemical food company mustard oh right something like that I reckon

yep yeah but no I'm hoping they make dental equipment or something like that speaking of food uh oh I had a I think I told you this.

We got back from Vietnam, landed about midday, got back to our house. By the time we got home, it was like two. Parents were there with the dog. They'd been looking after him while we were gone. Parents leave. And then just before we left, we'd done a clean out of the fridge where we'd thrown out any milk or anything that was like going to go off while we were away. Yep.

Just to, you know, do our, you know, felt very like on top of it. I'm standing around. I'm like, ah, it's a bit of a weird smell. Maybe there must have been like a, maybe there was a thing of cream that we didn't catch or whatever. Yeah. Open the fridge up. Power's gone out while we've been away. Everything in the fridge off.

Fridge full of mold. fridge off fridge full of mold right absolutely full of mold had to like throw everything out clean all the shelves like do this whole thing um to lose anything good any any well this is what i'm saying now our fridge is like it's so depressing it's just barren so it's like all those things that you just go oh we're gonna have a steak and yeah we've got some sauces in the fridge we can have with that it's like you're just having to rebuild all your essentials from scratch all your stuff that's just like a given that you've just got on hand that you've built up a nice little assortment of stuff now it's like every meal is like oh okay i've got to get butter and i've got to get like just literally everything from scratch it's really fucking annoying but it also is it's kind of a fun game to just like incrementally you know you're cooking some meal and you're like oh that means i'm gonna have to get this finally we'll have that back in

the fridge again slowly rebuilding it yeah what are you doing someone is ringing me non-stop and i'm just trying to text them to say, what do you want? Sorry. You can tell that drives people wild when you send a text and then they ring and you don't pick it up. Yeah. And you're like, no, I'm sorry. I'm text only at the moment. Yeah.

I'm potting. Yeah, exactly. When I run a gig or whatever, it's like they're ringing and it's like, it's really infuriating because I am, like, I've got my phone hooked up to the music. Yep. So, I'll be at like Basement Comedy Club and I'll have fucking, you know, Weezer's Buddy Holly on or whatever it is and it just stops like five times in the song. I'm like, motherfucker. Yeah. Oh, four, one four one two fucking blah

blah keeps fucking ringing me stop ringing me you need to go on airplane mode bitch i can't because i need the wi-fi yeah i'm playing it off apple music oh well you can you can save you can download stuff yeah for offline play yeah i was just doing a bit of that. Yeah. Oh, God. The worst. Now I'm glad I didn't pick up the call. Why? So just two missed calls. Sorry we couldn't take your call.

Were you inquiring about comedy? Their answer, just looking to perform at your comedy club. Do you have any spots available? Fantastic. Well, this is an easy answer. No. There we go. I've been having a weird run.

Let's go on to the next name. We've done enough on this person. I'm getting the dots. The dots are dancing. Oh, really? Someone's replying very quickly to the answer no. That's a kind of an invention, I've got to say. They're like, this person is typing a message.

You know what I mean? I've got a text or I don't. I don't like it. I've answered no. They said none at all. What's my answer to that? Yes Fuck dude

We could be on Thank God You're Here It's so easy It's so fucking easy to just pretend It's so easy to just pretend to be doing something Yeah I remember Do you know who Walton Goggins is? No

The actor He was in The Shield He's in the righteous gemstones he's great he oh he was in um the um the tarantino the cowboy one oh there's been an update the dancing dots have said i've got one sad face then a sad face with a tear coming from the is this someone pranking me what the fuck it going on? It seems like that's the case. But I don't know the number. Yeah. Who would do this to me?

Now they're doing a double tear sad face. Wow. What the fuck is wrong with this person? Like, wow, okay, I guess you'd better put him on. Yeah, I guess so. If they're crying. Yeah. That's no good.

You don't want that. Getting a crying person on stage. Yeah. yeah that's nothing better you don't want that getting a crying person on stage yeah well anyway walton goggins is on mark maron's podcast and maron's kind of asking him about his acting process and he's like you know you're such a great actor how do you do it yeah and he's like it's really easy you just give yourself over to an imaginary set of circumstances yeah and it's like i just love anyone who's like that good at it just being like yeah man it's really easy i literally just do this i literally just get up and i pretend i'm another person yes you know not like i'm having a walk around for like a month pretending to be

the cunt and like you know living in a hut because the character lives in a hut he's like you just give yourself over to an imaginary set of circumstances well that's it there's a great quote i think it's like alec guinness or something like that there was he's acting with someone yeah i think it was like was it the movie marathon man i think um whoever the i'm or i'm not gonna say alec guinness because someone's gonna fucking the corrections corner pod yeah the listeners will be up in arms it is lawrence olivier oh yeah and he's with dustin hoffman dustin hoffman like goes method actor which is like crazy because like he just plays a fucking normal dude yeah

and and he's going like crazy method and lawrence olivier is like what it's a movie why don't you just pretend that you're this other person yeah yeah there's another great one i don't know if you saw all the stuff about the main although or like one of the sons in Succession. There was this big article about him, and he's like crazy method actor guy, like obsessed with Daniel Day-Lewis, so just went, well, this is what I will do. I'll get super into it.

And then the dad in the show, Brian Cox, the legendary Brian Cox, that article comes out about Jeremy Strong, where he's like deep method, and he's like talking to Brian Cox about like, yeah out about Jeremy Strong, where he's like, deep method. And he's like talking to Brian Cox about like, yeah, this is how I do it. Like, you know, I just really embody the character and everything. And Brian Cox just goes, have you tried acting? Just awesome.

This legend just fucking hitting you down with that. What's this guy got to say now? Who is this fucking guy? So he's given me three sad faces. He's gone. One of my favorite things when I say, you know, do you have anything to say? Definitive answer, no.

The next question. Not even no, but. None at all? Yeah. No. The other version of no. Yeah. When no, but yes.

Yeah. None at all. Three sad faces. My response, hope you feel better soon. Their response, come on, please, any spot, anytime, anywhere. I've got this bit on sardines. It's dynamite. Okay.

And then dynamite in the sense that it's highly untested and unlikely it works. Who is this fucking person? All right. Let's move on. Let's go on to the next name. All right. Do I answer? Because now this person, I don't know who this fucking person is, but they're trying

to fucking prank me. Do I do an update after this next person? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Steen Baker Holland. Now there is a hyphen. That's a hyphen? Yeah, nice.

That's a hyphen. Well, this what you're going through is reminding me i it's kind of a long story but i had a big snafu with the cloud and i've lost most of my contacts in my phone oh all gone infuriating but what i'm doing is i'm kind of playing this game where like weirdly i've been getting these messages from people that so they're not're not in my phone. And I just, I don't know, like having to write back, oh, sorry, I don't know who this is, is like, you know, people get so weird about it,

even though it's like, I haven't deleted your number on purpose because I hate you. I've just lost it. So I'm trying to do a thing where I just don't cop to not knowing who it is. And I just kind of go back and forth and I see if I can work out who,

like I just set myself the challenge of just responding to this person and trying to get their identity by just going back and forth with them. And it's a fun game. And I weirdly, I got two messages yesterday that were just pictures of things, like random pictures of things. And then they've been like, ha, ha, ha. And then going back and forth. And one of them was like, after about 15 minutes, I was like, oh, this is Sammy J. So I'm just setting myself the little goal of like, I'm not allowed to say who is this. I'm just having to like suffer through it.

And it's a fun challenge. I wonder if you could get to this point with Sardines Man. Yeah, well, this person, it's got to be someone I know, but I don't know the number. The last message was, I'll stop pesteringering you now but if anything ever pops up please call my stage name is kylo zen brackets it's a star wars thing but i don't want to talk about it right now like this can't be real if this is a listener they are absolutely loving that they're yeah in their extra... Imagine if it just by sheer coincidence happened to be one of the Patreon subscribers of this week.

Man. If this is Mr. Hyphen. My answer is, okay, who is this? Fess up. I need to know who to ban. Yep. And no answer yet. I don't think you're going to get a straight answer.

God damn it. You know what? Oh, fuck. Why don't you type their number into Google? No. God damn it You know what Oh fuck Why don't you type their number Into Google No I just realised They rang twice And they've left a

Voice message Do I ring it Do I do the voice message Ring the number back Or play the voice message Play the voice message Yeah play the voice message Alright

Okay here we go This is exciting Remember the last time We did this on the pod At a live ep No And it was a guy saying That they couldn't make it

To the show Because they were at a funeral That's right. I hope this is as funny as that. Oh, no. And then we played it like five times and made one of the guests very uncomfortable. Yeah. Hello.

I was interested in seeing if there was any spots for an open mic night. If there is, just give me a call back on this number. Cheers. Well, this is genuine. That's genuine. That's great. This is a real person. I've got some bits about sardines.

Oh, my God. This person. You've got to put this guy on. This is very funny that I'm like, this is such a great spot on parody. It's like, no, it's a real person. This is a great spot on parody of a terrible open mic. It's just the real deal.

Yeah, get them on. No way. Get them on. Fuck that. You go run a gig and put shit people on. You had your chance. Ask for a voice memo of the sardine bit. Dude, this is how I audition.

Alright. Okay. Okay. Hang on. What do I ask? Give me a synopsis of the sardines bit. Yep. God damn. This is such a great podcast. Just auditioning over text.

You should start doing it that way No more coming down No more references No more sign ups Just text me Text me the gist of your best bit Because it's like Oh it's not going to translate over text But it's like well that's the ultimate test

If I can find it even vaguely funny over text Then I can trust that it will be good I ultimate test. I love it. If I can find it even vaguely funny over text, then I can trust that it'll be good performed live. I'm a writer. I get it. I'm a writer. I don't want to see you up there fucking doing jazz hands. I want to see the meat of the bit. If it works on text, then you can be on stage.

Because some people do send me YouTube clips. Oh, here's a clip of me. And I'm like, I'm not fucking watching that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got better shit to do than watch open mic for five minutes. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. And where's there? 0438.

Oh, man. Well, there's some dancing dots. I can't wait to hear this. All right. Wow. Fresh take on Sardines. I love that when the dots are dancing for like 10 minutes. It's just like, wow, there's some editing going on here.

There's some spell checking. Well, you know, it's probably not a one-liner. It's probably a full routine he's putting in. Yeah, yeah, like a story. Yeah. A whole festival show about sardines. Yeah. Is it – I mean, this is sort of like –

This is so mean. This poor guy like, oh, yes, I'm so close to booking this gig, I can feel it. No, no, you know what? In my opinion, all bets are off. Once you ring my private number, I am not to be disturbed on phone. So you can send an email or a Facebook message or something like that, but don't fucking ring me up. Private's a stretch, I think.

With how many places that number is out in public, I think it's a stretch to call it a private number. Well, including this place. Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, thanks. Did we do much with Steen Baker Holland? Not really.

Steen Baker Holland. Well, but they got to have their name be a part of this great bit. Yeah. This could be them ringing right now. It could be the most amazing coincidence in the world. Yeah, exactly. It's where I always go to get my bread, my Dutch bread. Steenbaker Holland.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. My clog loaf. When we read out the... Sunny crust clogs. When we read out the... Sunny crust clogs. When we read out the sardine bit, we have to dedicate it to Baker Holland. Yeah, right, right. To Mr. Baker Holland.

Yeah, well, look, you said speaking of being hungry, which means I think it's lunchtime. It's dead on 12, midday. It's high noon. So that means I'm assuming you're hungry and you want to get out of here and eat. I want to get out of here, but um i want to get out of here but i'm not hungry okay it's a coincidence got stuff to do yeah yeah yeah um man we got to go one day to there's a japanese cafe just near my house oh yeah yeah i've told you you've told me yeah old style what doesn't it say it's like old style japanese no it's new style Japanese. Oh, new style.

Okay, right. Because I always walk past and look in it and go, why is this new style Japanese? There's a cheese pie. Is that Japanese? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Did I tell you that I...

No one ever goes in there either. Yeah. Except yesterday I saw someone go in and there were two people. It was like a couple and they were like 80. Like, okay, well, good luck in there eating some new Japanese. New style Japanese. Yeah. Did I tell you I met a Swedish guy in Vietnam on the cruise we were on?

And just for ages, I was like, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. And then it was like two for one cocktails. I'm just slamming them. And the next thing you know, I'm like, how about that Ikea? And he was like, you have that in Australia? And I was like talking about how I'd had the meatballs there for the first time in a while and how I got you back onto it and you were going in there just for meals.

And he was like, wow, that's actually awesome to hear. He's like, I actually love this. He's like, I'm feeling a real sense of pride right now. He was like, wait, they just have the Swedish meatballs in Melbourne, in Ikea? I'm like, yeah, dude, they keep it consistent. And he's like, that's actually awesome to know. I'm going to go home and tell people that. Great.

So the story of me going in and eating meatballs just without even buying any furniture is being told around the dinner table right now. Absolutely. In the same way, I think I said on this ep that I met someone from Malta. Oh, no, last week. Yes. And I was telling them about Sean McAuliffe. So I'd like to imagine she's back home right now gathering the family around and watching a bit of Milo Kerrigan being like,

this is our lineage in Australia. That's what they're learning about Australia at the moment, what you've told them. Great. Well, the dots have stopped Australia. Yeah. That's what they're learning about Australia at the moment. What you've told them. Great. Well, the dots have stopped dancing. Fuck. This might have to be a two-parter. Damn.

We might have to come back and check in on this next week. Yeah. Yeah. God. I do. Yeah. Anyway. Whatever.

Someone leaving a message and ringing back to back. And this guy's real stage name being that. I honestly was looking at it going, I think, I just realized, I don't think I have Cameron James' number on my phone. Yeah. I don't think I've ever talked to him. That's the thing, isn't it? This is Cameron James.

Yeah, you always do. Well, I mean, I can't do that anymore because I have like no numbers now. Right. But previous, yeah, it's like it is a pretty easy guessing game to kind of work backwards and go okay that person's number who i don't have right all right yeah damn okay right all right well let's let's leave that let's completely abandon that and we'll maybe talk about it to be continued yeah okay maybe we can open next week's we can open like the main bit of the ep with it yeah okay the sardine bit let's move on let's do a final one thank you very much to patron

subscriber oh wow what thank you to kylo zen comedy oh wow oh shit so they are that it is subscribed oh they are subscribed that's so this is a listener oh this is a setup this is a listener yeah okay yeah right okay wow this is a great coincidence that he's rung and we're just about to read his name anyway wow yeah unfortunately he's not on the tier where he can get a gig with me he can only know what tier is that uh uh sixty nine thousand dollars fuck wow yeah it's worth it though worth it i bet there's at least one person listening who's like, I'll see that bet. Well, I think this guy's about to upgrade his subscription, I reckon, by the sound of him.

All right, well, tune in next week. Hopefully we'll have the sardine bit ready to go. Maybe you can do for us, you can get the sardine bit that he sends you and then you can read that out and then you can do some punch up on it. Oh. And you can like give us the Chandler-fied sardine bit. Yeah. I'll do the rewrite.

I'll tell you what. If he's thinking about sending it over, he's taking seven minutes. He's second guessing it. He's taking seven minutes to write it. He's like, oh, I shouldn't have led with the sardine bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He's trying to find out if he's got a better bit than that. Yep, yep. Oh, damn. Damn it. All right. Well, thanks. Thanks, Kylo Zen.

And thanks, everyone who supports the show on Patreon. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Sign up over there. Do you remember before we started recording this show, I was complaining about someone doxing me? Just before we started recording this. And I was complaining about someone doxing me? Just before we started recording this and now it's led into this. Yeah. Yeah.

We haven't given away. We've given his stage name. Yes. I guess you could hear his name in that voicemail. Yeah. Oh, well. Thanks, everyone. Bye.

Bye.