The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 672 - Bron Lewis & Danny McGinlay

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

This week we're joined by BRON LEWIS and DANNY MCGINLAY! We get straight into it, closely examining some of Danny McGinlay's crowdwork from over the weekend, before a full dissection of one of the most hotly anticipated events on the comedy calendar: the public debut of the lemon suit!... Oh, and Nick Capper's wedding. We also rewind slightly to the bucks party from last week and hear all about Bron's house guest Nick Carr and how he pulled up afterwards. PLUS Tommy's abused a depressed couple in Vietnam and Blanket is still talking about Chando's Thailand bum issues. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Danny McGinley and Bron Lewis. Come see us in Perth, November the 4th. Tickets are at littledumbdumbclub.com. While you're there, you can also sign up to our Patreon, support the show, get some bonus mini episodes every week. And I'm going to tell you a little secret in talking dumb dumb after the non-web. Oh, nice. So stick around for that, guys. Enjoy this episode with Danny McGinley and Bron Lewis. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslo and with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Danny McGinley and Bron Lewis. Hello. Yes. Hooray, Bron. You're recently on Have You Been Paying Attention? Is it intimidating to have your boss here in the room with you?

Danny McGinley, the CEO of Have You Been Paying Attention? Yes, he is. He always makes clear that he's... He did it again on the weekend at Basement Comedy Club. I think you've got to explain to Bron what the hell you're talking about. What he does is he gets to live shows and if anyone's been on Have You Been Paying Attention, he starts going, yeah, this guy's on Have You Been Paying Attention. I worked there.

We decided that we thought he'd be good to be on it. It's like, come on. You take the bins out of that show. You had a great night at the Logies, Danny. Congratulations on the win. I assume you were there, of course. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I was.

Just I made a speech. It was part of the unbroadcasted bit. Oh, sure. The technical Logies. Sorry, we're being silly. We're not using Danny's full title on the show. Warm up, brackets, if Lomas is sick. Oh, me.

Lomas never does that one, does he? He never does that one. He never does it. He's been particularly mean. Oh, my God. He's come out strong. Particularly mean. It's not enough to just say me.

Well, I've really got you there. Nice. I'll write that down. This is a good way to open. Just really put people offside right before we do an hour of comedy with them. I also noticed Tommy, you called Bron and I very

special guests. That's nice. That happens to everyone. You definitely don't do that everywhere. You don't say that to everyone. You clearly have never listened to this show. Well, you know, Bron's been on once before and she said yes to coming back. So that's something. That's very special.

I felt safe. She's a girl. That's very special for us. Fuck, we are all systems go today. Now, do you ever tell us jokes? I'm just trying to be as funny as I can, okay? I'm just waiting to see how you hurt my feelings. I'm sorry, Danny's very early on.

So how are we going to go from here? Well, we don't know you well enough. We've known Danny for like 15 years. We've got a lot to work with. You do seem sad. He does seem particularly sad after that. That's a fake smile. What are your weak points

that we can zero in on? Don't act like you don't already know. Yeah, he's got a list. That is your X-Men power. You just took one look at her and you'll just walk out and you'll go, weird teeth. You accidentally reveal an insecurity to Carl and you're like, ah, this is coming up on a pod.

Not next week. In eight months' time. You think anyone else would have forgotten. No, no. He's a little man. Although I did ring the capper on the way to congratulate him

on the wedding and whatever and he just mentioned one thing and then he went oh that's right that'll come up on your podcast

yes it will yes it definitely will I hope it did already but again not when you think not now well probably soon probably soon

after the honeymoon maybe yeah yeah well no let's talk about this. We're welcoming both of you. But while we're talking about stand-up comedy, and that's what you do at Basement Comedy Club,

I did love this very sweet bit of Danny McGinley crowd work on the weekend, which was you said on Friday night you're emceeing. Great emcee. Thank you. One of the best, if not the best, Danny McGinley. You know it's bad. That's nice. Wow.

Yeah, he's really – he's been too nice. I hate it. Now we do the contrast. He hits me, but sometimes he cooks dinner. He's not a bad guy. He says, sorry. You made me do this. I'm so nervous for you, Danny.

I feel like it's not too late to leave. No, no. Hey, I didn't do it. This is something he said. Okay. He says, in the year 2023, he says to someone in the front row, oh, you're wearing a mask. What's that for?

What are you wearing a mask for? Oh, my gosh. It is over. It's over. Can we give a right of response, please, your honour? Please. Maybe next week. Let's move on.

Let's everyone remember what's happened in the last three years first. Totally. So we're down at Basement Comedy Club. There is only one person wearing a mask and he's in the corner. And usually when you see someone wearing a mask, it means they're immunocompromised or they've been feeling ill but are still coming out. And so you thought I'd ask about that because they're two very funny fields of comedy.

Yeah, I was going to say, how could you fix this? Please, come on, crowd work king here. Mate, anyone could do where are you from, what's your job. I like to do these, paint myself into a corner. You like to do a bit of anti-vax crowd work. What's the deal, mate? AIDS or selfish cunt? Which one is it?

Come on. Let's get to the bottom of this. Get that fucking thing off your mouth. It's not real. We all know it's not real. You've located the most vulnerable person in the crowd. Yes. Well, first of all, I asked,

is anyone from out of town? Mask puts his hand up. Mask. And I said... That was his name. It was crazy. Elon Mask puts his hand up. I said, that was his name it was crazy Elon mask puts his hand up I said where are you from

he goes Johannesburg and I've gone oh sweet so I think I said something like were you still wearing the mask on the plane and you've forgotten to take it off

or something like that that is crowd work king but then he he's grieving the loss of Sugar Man too so go easy no

he's a he's a death denier. He thinks he's over here living here somewhere again. He's faked his own death again, Sugar Man. The guy then points to his son and just says, he's a doctor. Oh, right. True with that. Okay. No.

And he's a doctor. He finally got married and he's just started – and he wasn't bragging that his son was a doctor. He was bragging that his son finally got laid. Yeah. Oh late yeah okay what's that got to do with the mask though what a confusing we never actually got to the mask yeah yeah that's just dawned on you now oh wait i didn't solve the riddle yeah because there was 149 other people that listened to your question what's with the mask and everyone you could just feel everyone, what do you reckon it fucking is? No, no, it was.

No, actually, I do remember saying this. So you're from out of town. Oh, sweet. Oh, okay, you're wearing the mask. You're not feeling sick, are you? You don't have COVID because down here in Melbourne, we've been through some shit. Right.

And everyone laughed. Pause, break, standing ovation. Yep. You BJs while you're up on stage. You're like, get away, come on. One frustrated one because he had a mask on. Yeah. And the next person would be like, lady with a colostomy bag,

what's that about? What the fuck is that? Guy in a wheelchair. What's the fucking deal with those wheels? Stand up, walk. Asian man, what's going on here? What's this all about? You're a bit tired.

Good Lord. Good Lord. That was an impression of Danny. That was a message. If I saw someone in a wheelchair... Dodging bullets like Neo over there. So nervous. Get a wheelchair down to the basement. That's pretty impressive. That is impressive.

That does deserve to be commented on. There's going to be a good story about that. It's actually annoying because it means I've had to do something. Personal attack on Carl. Yeah, yeah. But was this person, they were just like rolling with it? They were just like, yeah, man, I'm wearing a mask. Get over it.

We never got to it. He just started then bragging that his son had finally got married. I will say I do hate that about myself that already now if I'm on like a plane or a train or something and i see someone like it is back to being an out of the ordinary thing to see someone wearing one that there is a little part of me that's like fucking what's this person all about already like there is so soon after everything you know there was always that one percent of person that wore a mask i think in the city but now it's gone up to about 2% or 3%. There was a guy, I know what you mean,

I did pass a guy today that was wearing a mask in the car by himself and went, what a fucking loser. Yeah, I loved that. I loved that. I mean, I think I was doing that in the depths of lockdown, just like when the paranoia was at its peak of like, you never know, it could be coming in through the heater. Yeah.

I think I was doing it just lazy because it's like, you know, I'll walk along with the headphones with no music on, just out of force of habit. I'm not around anyone. Leave the mask on, whatever. Oh, that's great. So you often have the headphones in and it's been like an hour since you were listening to something.

Absolutely. So maybe that was the guy in the audience. He's like, I've just forgotten to take it off three years ago. I just haven't gotten around it. I've been busy. Yeah, I had COVID. I'm starving. I had COVID 22 months ago.

Yeah. I just forgot. I've been busy. This thing stinks. Yeah. I was watching Succession every week. That was taking up a lot of time. You're actually the first person to bring that up.

Thank you, Danny. I did take it off. That's great. You're right. Do you to bring that up. Thank you, Danny. I did take it off. That's great. You're right. Do you remember when he took it off? No. Yeah, he took it off. That is bullying.

That explains the itchy throat I had all weekend. Do you remember, Danny wrestled him to the ground? He pulled it off. I said, admit it's fake. Get the shit off. Yeah, yeah. You dragged him up to the Parliament House steps and you stoned him to death. That's right.

It's all coming back to me. I am the king of crowd work. you stoned him to death. That's right. It's all coming back to me. I am the king of crowd work. Yes. He felt so safe. That's great. Straight back to that satisfaction. While you were doing that sort of stuff, while you were bullying the auto-immunised,

we were at the social event of the year, apart from Nick Haber's Bucks night, which was Nick Haber's wedding. Yeah. Close together, I noticed. So close. It's because loads of people were from out of town, right? Yeah.

That did get brought up to me a lot by friends being like, Jesus Christ, this is bold. But I feel like that's when you, like being a kid, and when you would see like Bucks dudes in movies and stuff, they're always like the day before. I always thought that was like the, it you would see like Bucks dudes in movies and stuff. Day before. They were always like the day before. I always thought that was like the, it was like day before Bucks, then the wedding, then the very next day you're off on the honeymoon. People are stretching these things out over like 18 months it feels like now.

You're right. Because like that, Cap and his wife are like, I think they're having sort of like a mini fake honeymoon this week. Yeah. And then they're going on a proper one in like a month or two or something like that. So it's a fucking, yeah, it's a week. Yeah. And then they're going on a proper one in like a month or two or something like that. So it's a fucking, yeah, it's a festival. Yeah.

It's a season. And why not? Why shouldn't it be? Danny Knight, we didn't go to the wedding. You guys went to the wedding. Was it as big as you expected? Well, you were, look, I think you were somehow connected, Bron, because you were housing one of the guests.

I was. One that no one else wanted. Yes. Was this like a billeting system, like in the Melbourne Olympics? Exchange student, yes. Friend of the show, Nick Carr, from Queensland, your fellow Queenslander.

Yes. Is that a legal requirement, all Queenslanders? Yes, we have to look after each other. No one else will. Yeah, yeah. I'm also not a Queenslander. I resent that. State of origin couch surfing is what's going on.

I know I am covered in maroon, but leave me alone. No, no, it's, yeah. I'm also not a Queenslander. I resent that. It's state of origin couch surfing is what's going on. I know I am covered in maroon, but leave me alone. No, no, it's, yeah. You, because we had a big box night and you, now that was the one question I had for him because he was here for a week, Nick, and he was staying at yours and you have kids, you have a husband, you have a proper family. Yeah, three kids.

And then he is going to an event where everyone's getting fuck-eyed on purpose as hard as they can. He's one of the best at that. He is, yeah. Now, that was the thing. I was like, how are you going to go going home to someone that's got kids, that's going to school in the morning?

Originally, he was like, yeah, I'm going to get a hotel for the night. And then in the end, it was like, oh, did you get that hotel for the night? He's like, no, no. Oh, no. Bron said it would be okay. I'm like, so how did that end up? Okay, cool. So he called me a while ago and he said,

and I know he'll be listening and I wouldn't say anything nasty about him anyway because he didn't stuff up. Like he didn't stuff up. Okay. Okay. So he called me a while ago. Well, it's not technically nasty about him if it's just true.

Is it true? Yeah. That's covered legally. That is the Dumb Dumb Club ethos. He called me up months ago and he said oh can i can i stay with you and i said yeah yeah and he goes i'll be i'll be on my best behavior or something and i was like yeah i know you will like you have to like there's just no that is that in itself is because i would never assume if i needed a place to crash anyone with kids it's like that's off the yeah that's off the table yes but it's not for you more than them well that's because it's honestly it's staying with people who've got kids it's loud

it's it's annoying like i was like okay if you want to stay here it's fine but the kids will be loud yeah he's like yeah so it's fine it's fine so anyway he arrived and he had to take my eldest daughter's room which used to be the guest room but she didn't want it anyway so we used to have a guest room now it's he had to take my nine-year-old daughter's room, which used to be the guest room, but she didn't want it. Anyway, so we used to have a guest room. Now he had to take my nine-year-old daughter's room. So she gets kicked out. And she goes back into her old room. Okay.

It's still her old bed. It's fine. Well, she shares with her sister. And I just said to him, just don't wake the kids in the nighttime. Just don't wake them. And he's like, okay. And then the first night, I think it was okay for the first couple nights. Oh, yeah, the Bucks night.

This is the one night that I was worried about. Yes. The wedding, fine. I knew it was going to be a bit sick. But the Bucks night is like, that's yuck. Yeah. I knew that was yuck. High alert.

And he said to me, should I get a hotel? And I was like, oh, because he doesn't because he doesn't, he doesn't like take drugs. He doesn't, he's not going to come home and put music on and like dance and chomp his face off or anything like that. He's just going to go get maggot, come home and kind of just roll into bed. So I said, if that's, if it's just a drunk situation where you just get maggot and roll into bed, that's fine. Is that what we're expecting here?

And he was like, yeah. I love that that's best case scenario. What was that? I said, you're not going to like stumble over? And he was like, I might fall down. And I was like, well, that's not good. That would be a very loud sound. You can't fall down.

I mean, we've already had two earthquakes in Melbourne in the last month or so. Anyway, they came. Weren't you worried about your kids coming in and being like, why is Santa here? It's only August. And boy, he's let himself go. Why doesn't he give himself a present like some pants? Come on, Mrs. Claus, whip this cunt into shape.

I said to him, you're not going to vomit everywhere. I guess if everyone lays out biscuits around the world and you eat all of them, I guess this is what's going to happen. I just had to get that one out of my system. Okay, well, he's my friend, so I feel dreadful about laughing. I'm not laughing. I'm just being good sport. Anyway, he came.

The boys made me do it. We have to remember that one. We're just trying to be good sports as well, Tommy I said, you're going to vomit everywhere And he said, I might vomit But I'll vomit in the toilet And I was like, okay, then And because he

So this conversation started with him going Should I get the hotel, right? So he's given you the out And you're still being like No, no, no Please stay in my house No, I wasn't like I was just like But just can't, but just don't, just don't fuck up.

And he was like, okay. Yeah, you're doing more of a like, if you just be normal-ish. Yeah, just be normal. Be a normal drunk person and just go to bed and then don't do anything disgusting in my nine-year-old daughter's room. You try to give a bit of trust. Yeah. Just have four less pints.

Just stick to the 87. Cut yourself off before you hit 90. Why didn't you just say, Bron, clearly my standards are very low here. Yeah, yeah. Well, they were so low. But he was like, okay, I can meet those. And then in the morning he got home at 2.30.

I could hear him kind of trying to work out my house, moving things a bit. then he but it wasn't dreadful i'll tell him to stay i'll tell you the state he was in because this is what he told me the next day he goes i'm in melbourne i lost my phone yeah i i wake up out of a like a you know like memento style i wake up in the street i've never seen before i have no phone i'm like how am i going to get to bronze i don't have a phone i don't i don't have any possible map it's in the middle of the night there's no taxis i can't call an uber yeah how am i gonna thank god you're here how am i going to get out of the situation

and he goes i'm sitting there for five minutes then i turn around and look at the house in front of me and go oh that's bronze house yeah it was on my street okay i have no idea how he did it. He's a magician. Right. He's Santa. He just – He did it. Do you live kind of close-ish in the vague sort of region of where we were for the bus? No, not at all. No, in Brinswick. He said he just like – he must have got out of the Uber,

just fallen down or something and gotten up and then walked out. Okay. I love that. Storm drain. Yeah. So he got home at 2.30 and then there was, and I've already told him about this, so he's not going to be listening to this.

We're going, did I do it? Anyway, we got a long hallway. I'd closed my door. I'd hear him moving things around fine. Eventually he goes to bed, great. That's the worst, isn't it? Knowing there's someone drunk in your house and just hearing things shift around and through

and you're like, God, what's happening out there? Are they building a fort? What is going on? But I could hear him trying so hard. This drunk man just trying so hard to be quiet. And when you're trying to be quiet and you're drunk, it just never works. How would people be acting in Victoria right now?

Yeah, yeah. There is nothing louder than a drunk person trying to be quiet. Shut up. Shut up, dickhead. I'm trying to be fucking quiet. Bond's asleep. I'm trying to get into bed like after a big night. Hey, can't stop snoring.

I'm trying not to wake you up. Trying to get into bed after a big night while my girlfriend's asleep and just like the fucking lamps being knocked off the table. Just like I'm trying so hard to be quiet and I could not be doing the worst job. The other night I found myself going, how do I make toast quiet? Feeling like you're putting your pyjamas on and even that's making too much noise.

It's like, how am I doing this? What am I doing? It's just fabric. In the morning at 5am I woke up to my son crying, the two-year-old. I was like, what is he, why is he – this is too early for him. I walk into the hallway, the hallway light's on and his door's open. So Nick's turned the light on and opened the door to the baby's room somehow and then gone to bed.

So my son woke up to his room being – Did your baby set a wake-up call? He asked him. I was really generous. He gets up for a jog, yeah. So I got the baby to go back to sleep. I was like, that's okay. There's no huge damage there.

Wait, when you say you got the baby to go back to sleep, who are we talking about? I go back in the kitchen in the morning, making my kids breakfast. Nick comes out at like 7 in the morning comes out into the kitchen and he looks like he's been dragged there by the uber i think that's why he went to sleep he's actually yeah he was knocked out anyway he walked into he walks into the kitchen and i look at him like oh no and he goes i've lost my phone and i go yeah you're bleeding and he goes from the first that's the least yeah from his hairline he'd cut he'd cut his head and oh yes i did notice he had a cut yes dried blood down to like his eyebrow

i was like you're bleeding and he goes am i and i went yeah go wash your face he goes into the bathroom go back to your bedroom wipe it all over the frozen but he goes into the bathroom, which is right next to the kitchen, and then he's in there for a bit, and then he comes back out, and he looks exactly the same. I'm like, did you wash your face?

He'd forgotten. He just forgot why he went in there. I was like, wash your face. Well, he's still drunk, clearly, to give context. It's like, this is, you say he got home at 2.30. The thing had started at like 3.30, so this is like say you got home at 2 30 the thing it started at like 3 30 so this is like a 10 11 hours that's amazing you said go to the bathroom wash your face he's just gone in the bathroom touch the sink come back that's the closest to a shuttle run he's ever

done but i'm not in the mood for doing the beep test okay it was a huge night last night but it was fine But he was fine. Yeah, he was fine. And he did spend the rest of the trip being like, did I wake you last night? I'm so sorry. The kids are like giving my kids treats all of the time. He is Santa.

See, this is like every box I've ever been to, I've looked at like what they're doing at their hands and been like, God, that looks nice. It's just like a nice lunch. Just drawing a naked bloke. A bit of karaoke's just like a nice lunch, a couple of drinks, a bit of karaoke, just a nice activity that you would do anyway, whereas the Bucks is like you're all in the mud rolling around just trying to cave your friend's head in with a cinder block.

How dare you betray us by getting married? It's always such an intense, someone has to get murdered by the Indians. It's not a success. Did you get on the bucking bull, Tony? I did get on the bucking bull, yeah. And is your back okay today? Yeah, my back's all right.

He took his shoes off. His shoes were off. Shoes off, yeah. We talked about this last week. I was smart about it. Why? Did Card do himself a mischief on the bucking bull? Yes, he did.

Yeah, he had to go get a massage. I mean, to be fair, looking at the sizes of the two objects, the bull should have been on top of Nick Carr, to be fair. I think that would have been a better match. He's great. A better match. Bull Flintstone style, just like, it's a living. Everyone doubted Nick Carr's stay with me.

Everyone was really concerned about it, but he was fine. Honestly, if that's the worst that could happen, a bit of blood. Bit of blood on the doona. Yeah. Bit of blood on a six-year-old doona. There was no, no, it was okay. It just was on his face. I did check the things.

And how were your kids when you were explaining this to them, like the context of like, hey, this friend of mummy's is going to be staying with us, you unfortunately are going to not be allowed in your bedroom. That's a good question because I haven't explained to my kid yet what a pub is. Every other sort of shop. Not surprised there. Sorry, Danny.

A lot of things are explainable, but a pub to a four-year-old isn't quite explainable, I think. Yeah. Let alone Nick Carr. How do you explain Nick Carr to others? Everything's fun now, but when you get older, things start being less fun and what you need to do is go in there and drink this orange liquid to forget about everything else

that's going on. I need this drink to think like you again. Well, when you put it that way, it is pretty easy. well when you put it that way it is pretty easy he had um he was like the he when he was in the morning when he was like stumbling around in circles trying to find work out how to do with his phone i was like okay so where where did you last see it like was it in the uber with you or was it in the pub he goes oh i don't know and i said well which pub were you at and he goes i can't i can't remember and all of my nine-year-old went, how do you not remember? This does, I mean, you are in the perfect position

to look after Nick Carr for a week because it's like that discussion just sounds like you're talking to a child. Now, where was it last? Nick, get in the high chair. Come on. Time for your mushy carrots. As if he's eating carrots he was like the first person I saw

when I got to the wedding and he yeah big I did notice a big cut on the forehead and I'm like yeah I'm sure there's some story here but I don't want to go into it I mean it literally it was the first you know and I go in with my girlfriend who you know it's like being around comics

and yeah you sort of like you know comics bring their partners to things and partners all being like normal people, you know, like, and like introducing her to car and just like he's got this big cut on his head. I'm like, what an intro to the wedding. It's like, is it all going to be like this? Is every man here going to be covered in unexplained bruises?

Brain injuries? Yes, they do. Well, then the next person we were hanging out with was Dave O'Neill. So then, yeah, mentally something going on there. Oh, he's the best. I gigged with him on Saturday night and he was so great. He's maybe not the king of crowd work. He's very good.

He's very good at crowd work. Well, you gigged with him on Saturday night, so he did it again. His classic move. He left Capa's wedding to go to a gig. Yeah. He did that for Chandler's wedding. He did that for my wedding, except he snuck off in between, came back. Incredible. He did a gig in the middle of the wedding and came back.

He had to go to Ballarat. This one was in Ballarat, right? So this is just like, he's just kind of like ratcheting up where the gigs are from, you know, like the distance from the wedding. He's like giving himself the challenge of like, can I make it back from Ballarat? What a fun game. In time for the band. If you ever get married, Tommy,

he's going to do the Montreal Comedy Festival that night. No, he'll do the Montreal footy club. That's right. Montreal Greyhound Bus Christmas Party. Yeah, I was standing next to him for the ceremony And he was like heckling through most of it Which was awesome At one point there was a reference to something about like Kappa and Caitlin both loving the band Ween

And Davey was like that's a band everyone He was really on it He was really having a good time He was enjoying being on the other side of a crowd. I want to ask about the speeches because at that gig where I got standing ovations for admonishing a South African mask man, Blakey was on, Brett Blake, who was in not good form beforehand. I saw him and he looked at me with bloodshot eyes and goes,

I have no serotonin in my body. I'm like, are you getting up? And he went, Carl says I have to. I'm the meanest man alive. I know. Was he testing his best man speech? And this is the thing, he said

he got up and did quite well at the gig because the MC was awesome. For a man with no serotonin, I'll tell you what, he also didn't have a watch on. Yeah, he did about 25 minutes in a 10-minute spot. But it was killing, so it's no issue. He was killing. And then afterwards, I'm like, well done.

He's like, yeah, and now I've got to do a best man speech. I didn't know I was doing it until last night. I didn't even want to do it. How did he not know that, though? Well, you had an didn't even want to do it. How did he not know that though? Well, you had an extra 15 minutes to write it. But how did you not know? Because apparently

there was two best men. Hang on, hang on. Let me explain this to you. It's Kappa's wedding. Yeah. Something wasn't planned properly? He had a wedding planner. Did he?

Did you know that? Yeah. How did I know that? Yeah, I didn't know that. He had a wedding planner. He said at the start he was like. Were they staying with you too? Yeah. Did the wedding planner know it?

It was amazing. I mean, yeah, to be fair, we were saying this to him last week. Brett's like, I didn't know I was doing a best man speech until the day before. And it's like, but you're the best man. That's literally your only job. You make a speech. That's the thing. He said he wasn't going to try and do any jokes.

He was just going to be very earnest. We were really pushing him to put material in and there was a point when he was saying he was going to work a bit in, which I was very excited for. It's like when Nick and Caitlin first met. It's like when I was performing at Adelaide Fringe

and I was walking... And this guy heckled me. Yeah, honestly, we were trying to get him to do his proper gear in the wedding speech. It's exactly what you're saying. We wanted him to do the removals bit and he was like, oh, here at the wedding and, you know, I used to be a removalist

and I moved out a divorced couple once and we were like, people love that in a wedding speech. Divorce being referenced in any way really gets people in a good mood. So did he put some material in? No, but he was being funny. It was a great speech. He chickened out of doing material, but he was.

Yeah, his version of earnest. Yes. Yeah, he was being funny. It was a lovely speech. He did do one thing that he will admit to, which is he tried to do one thing that he will admit to which is uh he tried to do a joke that was there's a lot of references to our pod in the speeches which is nice because that's how they met that's how nick and caitlin his new wife met because she came to the coast

and women international podcast vessel the second one and they met there so there was a lot of references to she traveled there for the podcast this Yes. This is incredible. Yeah. Great. Yeah. So that's what they meant and whatever. So that came up a bunch of times. We lost a fan that day. Yeah. Yeah, we really did. Our friend gained a wife and our listeners went down by one.

Yeah. I know you halved them. Yeah, she no longer pays for tickets to live shows. Damn, she's a plus one on the list. Damn it. So, no, she, what was it? Blakey did a joke where it was like, yeah, and they met, you know, watching, you know, Australia's funniest comedy podcast.

Do go on. And it was like half the crowd didn't know anything about comedy and the other half were comedians who went, oh, it's probably a fact, I guess. Yeah. They are bigger than the little dum-dum club. Yeah. And Do Go On were there with us for one year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, it was funny. He came off and went, that Do Go On joke didn't work. Fuck. Fuck it. That's pretty funny. The rest of it was great. Did he actually do divorce gear?

No, he didn't in the end He didn't? He didn't do the removal of speech I might be throwing a friend of the show under the bus here but I remember seeing Harley Breen

do a best man speech about 10 years ago at Thornbury Bowls Club where you guys were and his own first marriage was breaking up at that time and Harley constantly referenced that. Very nice.

That's funny. Very nice. It's good. That's funny. I think it's great. That's good. Because you do get, yeah, it is a mixed bag at a wedding. It's like, you know, some people not married yet,

some people deep in, some people probably on the rocks, just there being like, I'm hating this. Like, I'm hating seeing all this. Also, I think, if you remember, I think the highlight of, like, given what we were talking about, the way that Blakey was getting heckled in Perth, we were talking about that last week on the show and some brutal hecklers in Perth.

One of Blakey's lines was he was tearing up a bit and he was like, you know, making excuse. I know I'm tearing up, but you know what? It's emotional. I even saw my gold seed cry before, all right? So that means I'm tearing up. But you know what? It's emotional. I even saw my Goldstein cry before, all right? So that means I'm not gay. Wow. And by the way, Goldstein.

What a beautiful wedding speech. I'm not gay. I'm not gay. Goldstein makes a beeline for me after the speeches and goes, Bleaky said I was crying. I wasn't crying. I'm not gay. He just joined the press tour.

I'm not gay either. Setting the record gay. I'm not gay either. Setting the record straight. I'm definitely not gay. I don't know if this happened, if you can remember at the wedding, you were at the Thornberry Bowls Club, Danny, but I did love it. It was like such a nice venue for it. It was like just a chill space, like good layout and everything. But because it is just a spot that has its regulars, you come in

and just all the old boys are just sitting there watching the footy. And you're like, I go in, I'm like, oh, fuck, we're in the wrong bit. We must be, maybe there's like another room around the back. And then I look beyond and it's like, oh, no, it's all set up. But it's like a venue like that. You can't say to these fellas, guys, you're not allowed in here. So everyone's got the suits on and whatever. And then there's a couple of old blokes in tracksuit pants.

And honestly, because of where we were, I'm like, oh, that's obviously Capicida. Haven't really read the invite. I did love it. Them just sticking with it. Them just like feet on the ground like, no, no, no. We watch the footy here every Saturday. We're not moving. But it's like if that was me.

Down the road, the pots cost double. That's it. If that was me, I'd be like, fellas, let's go somewhere else. This is a pain in the ass. They wanted to ride it out. Did they stay there the whole way? They did. They stayed there for pretty much all of it.

I think they stayed there until someone put the Matildas on TV. That was funny because my mum texted me. She's like, are you going to watch the Matildas tonight? And I'm like, I'm going to Kappa's wedding. So obviously no. And she's like, oh, right, of course. And then it's like, it just is on the tv in the court very very luckily for everyone involved the speech is finished just as the

matilda's the australian women's soccer team went to penalty yeah yeah and everyone just got to go over there and react a lot stronger to that than the speeches it's kind of cool i really did feel like i feel like i've lived about eight lives tonight. You know, we've got a bit of everything here. Yeah, what a rollercoaster. Yeah. And did Goldstein cry when the Matilda Scott's room? No, because he's not gay. No, because he's not gay.

Massive gay move. Lovely features. I actually helped the bride with a line, with a joke. Oh, look at this. He's never not working. He's doing a punch up. She asked me. Wow. She asked me to punch with a joke. Oh, look at this. He's never not working. He's doing a punch-up. She asked me. Wow.

She asked me to punch up a joke. She said, what could be better than I do? Yeah. I do and you smell. No, no, no. I can't remember the exact wording, but it was basically the line was something like, because her maiden name is Ball.

And so she said, big news, I'm getting rid of my maiden name. I'm taking the name Kappa. So, you know, we're both losing a ball. We both lost the ball. Yeah, that's fun. So something like that. Anyway. The only line, because Nick, he said, speeches were so good.

Caitlin's speech was so good. And that was the line he said. He was like, she said this. I think he said it to my kids as well. Great. Two-year-old tested well with the two-year-old. Yeah, he loved it. Just so you know, I wasn't crying, so I'm not gay.

But it was funny because when Caitlin hit me up about that, I was like, oh, yeah, fuck yeah, I'm on this. But then I've also been working on like two roasts like within the last week or oh, yeah, fuck yeah, I'm on this. But then I've also been working on two roasts within the last week or whatever. So, of course, I'm straight into it. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's the fucking line. Oh, do you want another one? Hang on, I'll give you another one. Nastier, nastier.

I gave her another line, which was part of the speech, which was something like... Here we go. So we get deleted material here. Yeah. All right, sweet. Given what's all been happening the last couple of years, obviously it's been, you know, living with Kappa, it's been really horrifying, depressing,

and hard to see hope for the future. Plus he got cancer. Yeah, nice. And I'm like, that's great. And then I said that on the night, and I'm like, I'm looking at all the context, and I'm like, yeah, that would have probably gone down quite badly. Yeah.

A little bit harsh. I was saying this a bit on the night but i went through a phase about like maybe eight or ten years ago where i went to like a few weddings in a row where the speeches were all just roasts like i think it may have been a bit of like people having like met overseas and the best man like not really like getting up and being like yeah i can't say i really know his now wife very well and so then it was just like yeah here's some stories about this girl he picked up when we were 16 i went through this period where i was like what is happening to weddings where there's just something in the air where people

have decided they're 21st yeah yeah they're just like savaging their friends so it was nice to be one where it was just like generally very earnest and not it was just like yeah don't get up and call him a cunt like we don't need this i went to a wedding where it was just like, yeah, don't get up and call him a cunt. Like we don't need this. I went to a wedding where it was – there was one comedian. It was before I did comedy. One comedian was in the bridal party and she made a speech. It was like her best mate was the bride. And so when she got up, like the pressure for her to make a funny speech.

Like everyone was like, oh, this is going to be great. But it was so bad. Really? It was so bad really so bad she hadn't planned anything okay because she hadn't planned anything i'm sure if she'd planned something it would have been great but she didn't plan anything and then she said oh she's not doing crowd work why are you wearing a mask what's that veil full are you sick yeah it was actually he's like she said oh i remember one time she was in, we were in London and she was in the bath and she was vomiting

all over herself because she was so drunk and the whole audience was like, what the fuck is going on? It wasn't landing. A bunch of 80-year-olds up the front just going, we don't want to hear this. It was a gas drive? Yeah. It is kind of a weird format because like, yeah,

a 21st speech it's like, yeah, hang a bit of shit, tell some stories about. But then it's like, yeah, the people giving speeches on either side of the wedding, the start of it is, I always find it weird when people are just up there just like talking about their friendship with the person, just like disconnected from the wedding. It's like, yeah, we went to South America when we were 18 and had a great time.

It's like, good for you. Can we cut the cake? What the fuck's this got to do with anything? Yeah, we went to South America when we were 18 and had a great time. It's like, good for you. It's great. Can we cut the cake? What the fuck's this got to do with anything? My number one pet peeve is when one of the best men or the groom is clearly reading from a palm card and says things like, I would also like to say how beautiful the bride looks today. You're not even looking at her. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that was Catherine the Vows, to be honest. It's like, Caitlin's very like, you know, yeah, reading, but speaking from the heart. And then it's like, it goes over to Nick and he's like, Caitlin, since I met you, things... I was like, this is like a book report in here. No, no, no. We're forgetting this bit.

We're forgetting this bit. The celebrant accidentally wrote down, like made up a new middle name For Caitlin Oh right so And then Kappa just reads it out Wrote And then goes hang on Is that really a middle name of yours?

No Like just read out a completely wrong name Kappa yeah he's reading out Like so she's doing The celebrant's like standing next to them For the main part And is just like You know saying the bit that they've got to say

So they're not reading it out And goes take the Caitlin like puts in, and Kappa kind of like stumbles over it and people are laughing and he's like, sorry, I had no idea that your middle name was Marie. I've never fucking heard this before. And that huge laugh, that kills. And then the celebrant said after, oh, yeah,

I accidentally put in an extra middle name. But I couldn't tell if that was the case or whether that was just her trying to cover for him not knowing his wife's name. Yeah. No, I think that was a genuine fuck up. That is great either way. Yeah, yeah.

Really, really good either way. Okay, I guess so. Whoever this woman is I'm marrying, that's her name. Yeah, fuck, I love a bit of that in a wedding. That lit the room up. That is fun. That was a huge highlight. One of my best mates is getting married in October

and no speeches. That's his blanket rule. No speeches, which I'm stoked with. I don't mind it. But I did say to her, I go like, dude, you know some great storytellers. And I don't mind making a speech. He's like, do you remember my 21st?

I went, oh, this is literally. So he's 21st. He's with his high school girlfriend. They'd had a bit of a rough period about three months earlier. And anyway, the guy and all of Shane's grandparents are there, both sets of grandparents, his mom, his dad, his girlfriend's mom and dad are there. And this other bloke that we went to school with opens with,

you know, Shane's a ripping bloke, happy birthday. Jeez, I'll never forget a couple of months ago when you and Leanne were on a break, obviously, but you were getting blown in the car park at La Trobe Uni when you were off your head on pingers. Do you remember that? And that's why there's no speeches. I love someone where they're like,

I'm going to stitch this guy up and embarrass him, but not realising that it's like the person who looks the worst there is you telling the story. Yes. Like everyone then just feels sorry for him that he's got some shithead mate. The bride's family are like, yes, you're fucking Johnny. Oh, you're going to regret being married into this family

because we're never going to let you live this down. But also, of course, the debut of the lemon suit. Oh, yeah. You looked great. It was a really nice suit. You looked really nice. Were you happy with that? I was happy with it, yeah.

I've got to... You can sort of taste it. I'm still trying to get anything out of the tailors. They seem really disinterested. So I'm on their Instagram, the tailor in Vietnam that made the suit for me. And we put the post out on this podcast. And all their other posts have like maybe two likes, no comments. This one all of a sudden there's like 160 comments.

There's a few blue ticks in there. And I sent them a thing. I sent them the post and was like, oh, sorry about this, guys. I think a few of my fans have found the post. It's pretty embarrassing. I hope this is okay. I'm mortified. They've just liked the comment and no response.

I don't think they have any clue what's going on. But Sam Mack, actual weatherman Sam Mack has gotten in the mix. Don't call him that. Sam Mack, actual weatherman Sam Mack has gotten in the mix. Don't call him that. Well, no, because context is because Tommy said to the tailors that he's a famous Australian weatherman back home. I was trying to get a bit of a discount and for whatever reason, I don't know why, I just blacked out and went, I'm pretty,

because they were like, oh, put this on the Instagram. And I was like, yeah, you're going to get a bit of heat on this because I'm a famous Australian weatherman. Great. I don't know why I said it. Strange. But a lot of people have tagged Sam Mack in their comments. Oh, okay, you're going to get a bit of heat on this because I'm a famous Australian weatherman. Great. Don't know why I said it. Strange. But a lot of people have tagged Sam Mack in their comments. Okay, okay.

And so he's become aware of it. So now he's weighed in and said, I used to consider myself a great TV weatherman. Then I saw Tommy, his unrivaled combination of meteorological mastery coupled with that trademark Dasolo brackets all-sop charisma that just oozes out of him prompted me to instantly hang up my synoptic chart. What a guy. And no surprise to see he won best dressed at the Logies

for the sixth consecutive year. Oh, and my, that suit really compliments his obvious jaundice. On you, Tommy. That's great. Yeah. That's it. You got all that out of it. You look good at the wedding.

You won't, you know, you'll use it more than that. Next time Channel 9 Need someone to call the cricket Or whatever Yes I do Yeah I do need to find I will say

As we were leaving We were like Both like had gone pretty hard Me and my girlfriend Were like alright It's time to go Like we're about to fall over And then

We're out the front And some friends of mine Had been having a dinner party And they're like I think jokingly They were like Oh you should swing by And they're like, I think jokingly they were like, oh, you should swing by. And we're like, and we like did not need to do anything more

because we were so fucked. But in my head I was like, well, it's one more audience for the lemon. So I better get one more little run out of it before like, who knows when the next time I'm ever going to wear this thing. Man, you know what you should have done is this, is that I was getting texted by Milan all night because he was at a Nirvana cover band. Oh, yeah.

At some dog shit pub. And imagine the audience to see a Nirvana cover band, just like a heap of bedraggled 50-year-olds or whatever. And he was trying to get me there. And I was already thinking this would be funny if I turn up. I'm suited up. If I had to turn up with you, with lemon suit weatherman. The mask comes strolling in.

Yeah, the mask strolls into a bit of rape me at 11.30 at night. That would have been real good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to be like, I'm not gay. I'm not gay. Yeah, it felt good. It felt really good to have a nice little suit. But did you want them to give you a discount

or just to acknowledge that you had raised their profile? I want a bit of both. I'd like to get something new made and sent over in the mail because they keep your measurements on file. They did take him for a little bit of a ride. He did probably pay a little bit over the odds for it. So what's that for a Vietnamese suit? Well, I got two suits and a wool coat and it was a thousand Australian.

I didn't really, and I didn't do anything. It's still good. I don't care. It's still good. But I just want some acknowledgement from them that something is happening. That's in any way out of the ordinary. I thought at the minimum you did say, he wanted to caption a sexy lemon man. And they went, we'll just put lemon man.

Two days later, they a sexy lemon man. Yeah. And they went, we'll just put lemon man. Yeah. Two days later, they finally updated lemon man. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, a lot of comments are talking about how I'm sexy. But also, I mean, the other thing is, you know, we're talking about people who English isn't their first language. So I imagine a lot of this that's going on is just white noise. They're like, what the fuck? Yeah.

What are we looking at? Who cares? They might not be looking at it at all. It's like that you know that meme in um in uh what's don draper in mad men mad men where he's in the the lift with that intern and the intern says to him like i feel sorry for you and he says i never think about you yeah i think it is exactly that great well brett blake's going there like today he's going to Vietnam.

So I was like, maybe I could just send him in there. Send him in there. As your agent. I don't reckon that's a good idea. Send Brett Blake in and do some reasoning. Hey, guys. What if Blakey walks in there and there's Lavinia Nixon getting a dress made up for her?

What if Blakey walks in there and goes, it's me, sexy orange man. Suit me up. Yeah, get everyone in there dressed up all fruity. That'd be nice. Yeah, we can all make a fucking twister board out of our suits. I guess I've got to break the suit out for the next live show. Yes.

I'll take it to Perth. Perth. Full suit in the Perth Perth Full suit Full suit In the Perth climate Well given What we talked about Last week Blakey was on the show

And he said He came out on stage And went I want to open up About something And a woman in Perth Said gay So get ready for that

And then he cried Proved it Yeah Yeah That's great That's where that's all Come from While I was in Perth You guys Bron, Bron, you're talking about your kids.

So I was not in Perth. While I was in Vietnam, I was over there with my girlfriend and a friend of ours. And I had this like one morning I got up and I was talking to my friend about this video game that had just come out. And he's playing it with his kids. And he's like, man, when a game comes out that you're into and your kids are into, it's just the best. Everyone's playing it with his kids and he's like man when a game comes out that you're into and your kids are into it's just the best everyone's happy it's so fun and i feel like especially in comedy as someone who doesn't have kids you just you you only really ever hear about like the bad tough side of having kids so just this friend saying this like really

nice wholesome thing about it i was like oh man that's that is really nice to hear and it you know kind of makes me feel good about like maybe it is something i could do you know like maybe i would be into it and then an hour later we're in a van going to get on the cruise in harlong bay it's just us in the van we get picked up first we stop off at another hotel and a family gets in and it's like a mom a dad and two kids probably like six and eight and after like a minute they're just sitting there in silence and the little boy goes, Daddy, what do we do when we get on the cruise?

And the dad goes, we sit in silence. Oh, my God. All right, well, there's the other side of the coin. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what to think about. I don't know what to think about the experience. If I just experienced that, I would not want to parent. Yeah, yeah, yeah

That's the best of kids That's the worst of parenting So then on the cruise like that night We're in the restaurant bit And they dim the lights And they do this The crew come out and they're doing like a little dance Because they're like

Hey, we've got a couple here You went to the witches and britches of cruises? They're like We've got a couple here. You went to the witches and britches of cruises? They're like, we've got a couple. It's their anniversary on the boat tonight. So this is like a celebration of them. And they've got this little, yeah, they come out and they bring out a cake for them. And it's the parents.

It's the couple with the kids. And they are sitting there while this is happening, just ashen-faced. Just no reaction whatsoever to this, like, yeah, they just looked so depressed. What was the reason? Don't blame the kids. It sounded like these are just cumulus fucks.

The parents. Yeah, I know. It's their anniversary. They're sitting there just like no response to this whatsoever. Was this in your speech at the wedding, this story? This is good gear. Harley opened with it. Were you wearing the sexy lemon suit?

Were they like, why the fuck is this kind of overshadowing the anniversary? Maybe they were intimidated. Oh, there was, just as a deviation, like when we were leaving Hoi An where I got the suit made, we'd had this great time at the resort and we're kind of thinking about like fucking off the rest of our trip and just like staying there for a bit longer and then the night before we were leaving more people come in it's like a you know there's like visibly more people

at the resort a lot of british people and i noticed they're putting up like um the staff are putting up like lights like near the beach and i'm like oh what's happening here is there's something happening tonight and they're like oh no, there's a wedding tomorrow. And so we were like, okay, we're getting out at the right time because it would have been get up tomorrow. This bit of the beach is off limits because of the wedding. But I was thinking kind of a shame to not be here because I had the suits. So I was like, if I was here, I'd just chuck it on and just get in the mix.

Get into the buffet. Because no one at a wedding knows 100% of people there that's right I could probably get away with it that's right well you could have just been like one of those blokes in the tracksuit

at Thornbury RSL yes my day two it's all for me blasting the AFL on my iPad this is my regular the buffet on the beach

on Howlong Bay yeah and it's cheaper here I'm not going down the road um so the so then yeah so this depressed couple have this like whole dedicated and you know it's not like the boat know that like they've you know they've told them like one of the couple has said hey it's gonna be our anniversary while we're on the boat can we have like a special cake or something yeah and they're just sitting there looking fucking miserable.

And then like two hours later, they have like happy hour cocktails up on the top deck. And so me and my friend are sitting there. For those two, it's just our cocktails. We're just, and yeah, we've just been sinking them and we're like blind. What are we playing for a cocktail? Oh God, I can't remember.

Good cocktails. We're talking about, and we're just trying to get to the bottom. Like, we're just talking about that, just that couple. And we're being like, wow, did you see that? Because we've met these other people there. We're like, God, did you see? I'm fucking hell.

And I was like, it reeks to me of Guy, like something's happened midway through this holiday. Yeah. Right? They've booked in the celebration. and then they've just sort of forgotten about it. And I was like, it reeks to me of wife has like seen that the husband's left his phone,

you know, face up. He's gotten like a, it really reeked of something like that. Maybe they, maybe they watched Angela's ashes. He cried. She was like,

well, we're anyway Well we're Anyway we're loudly Hypothesising about this They're behind us They're behind us They head down to bed And the guy's like

Cheers guys No Yeah Tommy Dazzolo This story's So bad I know They thought

That would impress before Oh my god If you cover it like that You should have just gone Alright the cat's out of the bag Just tell me the fuck You gotta tell Exactly

Exactly If that was me I would be like Look this is Rude but also I get it People want to You know we're curious creatures I would be like

Yeah I cheated on her And she's found out Yeah Look I got a happy ending And now it's a sad ending So What happened I'll tell you what happened 10 years of marriage okay sorry we're not fucking doing cartwheels around the restaurant yeah so they they definitely heard the whole thing because he said cheers guys yeah yeah it was oh my god it was dark on the way out yeah you had you had to

it was a sleepover you had to see them the next day You had a slumber party Did you see them? Didn't see them Because the thing with the crew They went overboard Yeah Fair enough I probably wouldn't have seen them I really did think

We were going to have to see them For the whole rest of the thing But you can either go There's like You either go for two nights Or one night And you never go Like you get brought out

On a little boat Onto the bigger boat So there's like Constant flux Of people It's not like you get on With a group You all leave in the same group You know what I mean? There's like constant flux of people. It's not like you get on with a group, you all leave in the same group. You know what I mean?

There's constantly people kind of coming and going. So I think they left the next morning, thank Christ. Okay. And had you mentioned they seemed miserable in the bus? Like the son said this and whatever. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You mentioned all that.

Oh, wow. So it was even their parenting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's pretty sweet being on a holiday and just hearing a synopsis of how much of a shit time you've had. But also, like, why? Why would they stay? And this is the great thing because we just met this other couple that were on the boat as well. And so it's like a real bonding thing where now we're getting really along.

You know, we've made new friends out of this. And it's like God closes a door and opens a window, you know. This is a classic thing I've always thought, you know, living with another person. Like when you're growing up and you have like a share house whatever if you live with two it's no good but if you live with three it's good because two of you get to gang up on the one person yeah yeah you've got something to talk about yeah and you're always like looking for the line so you would have found this new couple and been like okay did you notice this oh that's they're interested in that did they notice this and you guys would have just been yeah and all of it yeah and he's ugly you know yeah yeah yeah yeah keys in a bowl no but you're totally right that's what this

holiday was it was three of us and i was like yeah it's kind of perfect because it's like if any one person just like wants to chill the other two can go off and do and what it ended up being was my girlfriend and my friend just like constantly getting drunk and going to me god you're a cunt just ended up me being raked over the hot coals for like everything I was saying and doing for the entire whole day. You don't get enough of that in your professional life. Cheers, guys. My girlfriend's like, yeah, I feel so much closer to Alison now.

We really bonded on this trip. I'm like, yeah, over a mutual disdain for me and everything I'm saying and doing. But, yeah, so I don't know, between like, yeah, like beautiful wedding at a Capra and Caitlin's, but then just this like, just being around this awful couple for two days at sea just really put me in a weird spot. Having said that, they've probably got a story

about how awful it is to be three single cunts and like having nothing better to do but bitching about something. I mean, look, maybe they came away from the holiday, like maybe their hatred of us reinvigorated them. Perfect. You know what I mean? I mean, they could have just been sick. They could have just had, I mean, like the last probably four or five days of my holiday, our family's holiday in Phuket was a lot of that,

was a lot of misery guts because I was just insanely sick. Right. But I was still going out because I was like, you know, it's a family holiday and I don't want to, like, make everyone sit in the hotel room. So then I'm like, oh, we'll still go out and try and do stuff. So then now, like, well, this is good. This will lead into this.

So then now, like, well, this is good. This will lead into this. So my wife is still talking about how sick she was on holidays. She was sick for a very short time, but she's got this weird sort of, I don't know, Mandela effect thing where she thinks she was sick for the whole time. Right. Because I was definitely sick for the whole time. So that's her memory is like, well, the vibe is still sickness.

Yes. You can't do everything you want to do if one person's sick. I think she was looking at me and going, oh, that's how I was. It's like, no, you won't. She thought that was a mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was – You just can't trust women. You cannot trust them.

Yeah, yeah. You can't. We went to this place that was supposed to be the best place. It was this awesome place overlooking, you know, what do you call it at sunset? The ocean? Yeah, let's all be mad at you. But like overlooking the pool and the ocean at once. Oh, wow.

Two bodies of water. Yeah, double water. So much water. Double bodies of water. And if you had a little glass there as well. Yeah, three waters. Trick. Triple water.

Don't worry, I was on the waters. Don't worry. One of you's crying. Four! How many can we get? And then Carl was shitting water. Yes, yes, yes. Damn fine.

We weren't all looking at that though, to be fair. So she's still carrying on like, you know, I was so sick and whatever. I'm like, I don't know if you remember that night when we went out to that restaurant. Let's remember, I was in the toilet the whole night and you were drunk on champagne and you were ordering pepperoni pizzas. I don't know how sick you are if you can drink champagne and pepperoni pizzas that much.

I don't know if you're that cruel. So this is what's happened. Now we talked about this on the pod a little while back. What happened? I was really, really crook. I got to 519. I went down to the chemist. They gave me $100 worth of mixed medicine.

Take a lollipop. Is that like mixed lollies? $100 worth of mixed medicine. Can I get some of that? How much do I have left? They're all different colour pills. They're all similar. People laugh, but the fake teeth are really going to sort you out.

So I got that. I would have taken some bullets. I just would have fucking put them in my head at that point. But yeah. So I got all that. We've talked about this on the pod, but I took a bunch of these charcoal tablets, which I didn't know were going to do what they did.

What they did was absolutely 100% clean me out and make me all good, but make the bed sheets absolutely have the worst name ever. Oh my gosh. This is upsetting. Everything was gone out of me, but it went into the bed sheets, absolutely have the worst night of their life. Oh, my gosh. This is upsetting. Everything was gone out of me, but it went into the bed. You're right. This is great to imagine this dour couple on the boat.

Like this has been the 48 hours leading up to it. Yes. It is great to imagine this. They shit the bed right before they get in the bath. Daddy, what do we do on the cruise? We sit in silence. The wife has rolled over into it, and then they think they're over the bus. Daddy, what do we do on the cruise? We sit in silence. The wife has rolled over into it and then they think they're over the worst of it

and then these two little cunts go, how shit's this family? And it totally was the look when the celebratory cake came out. I swear I saw a moment on the husband's face of like, fuck, I meant to cancel it. You know what I mean? He'd just forgotten that he said months ago

when they booked. Do you think he got food poisoning from previously eating a cake? Could have been. It's just triggered. It's all connected. Honestly, like he could have been recovering like me and just going, oh my fuck. Because that was it.

That was me for like the four or five nights where I'm dragging my wife along to these nice things. And she's sort of like having a good, as good of a time as you can without, you know, looking at me and me being absolutely crooked. I have to go to the toilet yet again. I'm fucking... I've gotten on a ferry in Thailand like a day after having really bad food poisoning over there. And you just, you know, the boat trip is coming up and you're just dreading it. Yeah. Limited access to bathroom.

What if I get seasick as well? Yeah. It just had like the idea of being nautical while you're still in that recovery state. Don't you have a story about this prompt? About being on the... Spirit of Tasmania. Spirit of Tasmania. Yeah, I was ill on that. I're still in that recovery state. Don't you have a story about this, Bron? About being on the Spirit of Tasmania? Yeah, I was ill on that. I was ill on that, yeah. Yeah, I just had the flu.

It was a dreadful time, yeah. Dreadful time. But I do think like... I thought you had a story, not just a flashback. No. I'm so sorry. There was actually the morning we woke up, it was such a bad night.

Ari cried the whole night, my two-year-old, and I had the flu. Oh, big Entourage fan. Nice. Oh, fuck's sake. I did not know about this Ari Goldman until after I had named. But I bet your husband did. He actually did, yeah. He's a boy.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, Brian. My daughter SpongeBob is the same. Everyone thought we're named. Anyway, the next morning I had the flu. I was so bad. On the Spirit Tasmania, there's lots of bars. There's lots of bars.

So I get up in the morning and I look really hungover. Like everyone's looking at me like, oh, no. And I can't open my eyes very far because I've got such a bad headache. So I'm actually lying, waiting to get off into like to go down to get the car. I have my head on the table. People are walking past. I'm like, oh. Because like my nine-year-old is having to look after the seven-year-old

and the two-year-old whilst Lucas is doing some, I don't know what he's doing. I don't know. This stage. Smoking bums. I don't know what he's doing. And I't know. This stage smoking bums. I don't know what he's doing. And I, so I'm trying,

but I do, I'm like, I look like the worst mom ever, but I couldn't, I couldn't not, I couldn't not. So you, yeah.

Now we really feel sorry for that. Yeah. Yeah. So this is, so this is what happened really briefly. So I shit the bed, all that stuff. So then, uh, uh, in morning, I say to my daughter,

as my wife goes to the, I'm sort of keeping it quiet, but as my wife goes to have a shower. It's a secret. Yeah, I say to my daughter, just because I'm always trying to think of something silly to say to her to make her laugh. I'm always calling her something silly. She's calling me something silly.

While you were in that mask. Yeah, yeah. Trying to get the kid to laugh. Yeah. And yeah and so i just go hey do you know what daddy pooed the bed and then she's like oh my god this is the best thing that's ever happened and just literally turned her head 90 degrees mom dad did a poo in the bed and it's like and then she finds out about that's all that's one thing i like, fuck. So then anyway, fast forward weeks and weeks and weeks. Last weekend, my wife and daughter went to like a little kid's party, birthday party, whatever.

You weren't invited? I wasn't invited. I didn't get the call up. Here he is just bitching about it. So my kid is like, they're all playing around. The parents are sitting around my kid just goes looks up and goes hey

you know what everyone I went on holiday and my daddy did a big poo in the bed what do you think about that gotcha and then my wife's like

oh my and all the parents are like going what and then my wife's going aha she actually just makes up a lot of jokes that's just a funny joke that she always tells and then my wife's going aha she actually just makes up a lot of jokes that's just a funny joke

that she always tells and like my wife looks insane like in terms of like just jumping to my defence like yeah my kids just making up

cool stories about me shitting their bed or whatever but like that is kind of worse that does make your kid look worse like yeah

she thinks she's a liar she's like we're really worried about her yeah yeah don't trust her my kids are sociopathic

fucking men most kids are like my daddy could beat your daddy up in a fight and she's like my daddy shits everywhere

but it's like I was just like oh my god because this is like the second time it's happened so it's now like you know you go to a party

and whatever and you meet new people and you've got like a store or two up your sleeve to try and make yourself look good. That's hers. She's got no life experience.

She's four. She's got nothing good has happened to her. She's got one thing. That's not good, though. And daddy shit the bed. That's her story. It's not good. Is this her first core memory?

Yeah, yeah. Like, you think, have you got many memories from four under? I don't think so. You've asked me this before of like, what's the first thing I can remember? And like, it's all a jumble under I don't think so you've asked me this before of like what's the first thing I can remember and like

it's all a jumble I don't know what age I can remember my second birthday party really just images a lot of people can't remember under the age of four

so I reckon the one memory she's got is me telling her that I shit the bed and this is her go to this is her this is like your dad saying I met the Beatles

in 1963 this is her version of that my dad is like your dad saying, I met the Beatles in 1963. This is her version of that. My dad shit the bed in Phuket in 2023. That's her go-to story whenever she meets people from now on. She's going to prep next year. That's her. It's gold, though. First day of prep.

One year ago today, we were in Phuket. My dad shit the bed. Oh, my God. Well, i've got a toy frog yeah but it is gold like that will make kids laugh it is good i mean that's better than her going in and going my daddy does a podcast yeah you'd probably rather at least shitting the bed is funny yeah that's a good bit yeah you're right the kids will love it what if she becomes the most popular kid at school just off the back of that story? Oh, she will.

Class president. The other kids are like, that's so embarrassing. I stopped doing that three months ago. You realise she dines out on it too early and then she's going to want new gear and suddenly next time you're on holiday, she's just sneaking laxatives into you. Do it again, Dad.

I just wake up and she's at the foot of the bed going, do the trick. Yeah. You've still got those charcoal tablets on hand. Oh, yes, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. But the other thing is as well,

so about two weeks ago or something, my wife goes, oh, she did a poo on her pants today. And she's four. She stopped doing that ages ago. And I said to her, what's going on? Oh, my God. Tribute. Yeah, you did a poo in her pants today. And like she's four, she stopped doing that ages ago. And I said to her, what's going on? Oh my God. You did it.

Yeah, you did a poo in your pants. She's like, what's the big deal? Like, you know. Babies do it all the time. You pooed the pants. So I'm like, oh, so I've made it okay now.

I'm just like. You've normalized it. Yeah, I've normalized shitting your pants. That is amazing. I just didn't want to get up. You do it too, Dan. You get it.

I thought that's all part of growing up. You just shit your pants. That is amazing. I just didn't want to get up. You do it too, Dad. You get it. I thought that's all part of growing up. You just shit your pants. Oh, God. Sorry for growing up too fast. That is what's so fascinating about kids is, like, before school, it's like you just live in a bubble where it's like, yeah, my parents are – everything we do in the house is this is just how it is. And then that first thing of like,

it's so exciting watching kids meet other kids and be like, you don't? Your dad doesn't shit? But it's like when they say, you know, don't swear in front of the kids because all of a sudden they'll bring out an F-bomb. It's like, yeah, don't shit your pants in front of the kids. The swearing's the least of your worries.

Teach her. Do it. Don't just talk about it yeah teach her the C-bomb to just like distract from the pants shitting yeah and then you'll get us

that's it I'm gonna do something more fucked you've got four months to outdo yourself yeah before prep starts the challenge is on

yeah alright well that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Bron, Danny, thank you for joining us. Thank you. Bron, you've got some shows coming up.

You're doing your show again in Brisbane. Brisbane, yeah. Brisbane, August 27th and then Canberra, September 15th. Nice. You can be seen on Have You Been Paying Attention every couple of weeks or so. Yeah, I want to this Sunday. This Sunday. This Sunday coming.

Nice. Oh, Monday. Monday. Monday. Yeah, on Monday. I said Monday. It's going to come in in that order, so it'll already have been on. Oh, okay, sweet.

Well, still. You can re-watch it. Go on 10 Play. Go on 10 Play. You do that for the project too. Yeah. Good jokes on that. Yeah.

So, Bron, you're doing the show. Once every six nights, probably. Bron, you've done the show a the project too. Yeah. Good jokes on that. Yeah. So, Bron, you're doing the show. Once every six nights probably. Bron, you've done the show a few times now. Yeah. Have you been paying attention? Do you want to say? Oh, yes. This is my boss sitting next to me, Danny McGinley.

He is the king of crowd work. Hates masks. Yeah. The tastemaker, they call him. Yeah. And, Danny, you've got your podcast. Yeah, I've got the podcast. The Lorne Michaels of Australian TV

please address him as that yes my podcast WTF which is no Danny Boyd it's about the Western Bulldogs

but I do want to plug I'm doing a play in November Shakespeare Ghostbusters which a lot of your nerdier fans will probably really dig that's at the

Motley Brow House I am doing my show Hard Nut filming as a special sometime in the next couple of months and I am doing my show Hard Nut, filming as a special sometime in the next couple of months. And I'm doing it in Brisbane in December. Which room?

Paddock. Oh, great. Awesome. Sweet. Go check all of that stuff out. Guys, thank you very much for joining us and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again.

Oh, Bernie's kicked a big one. What else Oh Bernie's kicked a big one What else? Bernie's married a big one Oh yes Bernie's We were at the wedding Said I do We talked about it

And It was a Lovely night wasn't it This Kappa Engagement Bucks and wedding Has really been a boon of content For this podcast hasn't it

It's given us something For two weeks It's given it Well you know There was this story about his engagement oh yeah proposing yeah that took him an entire live episode to tell oh yeah we've really got we've really squeezed a lot of juice out of every facet of this yeah festival that's real life that's uh you got to take the things that happen that are interesting to other people and file them away yeah and also retell them what the fuck do we have going on?

Not that much. Nah, not that much. Not that much. Nothing interesting to talk about. Sometimes, but yeah, that was interesting enough. That was good. It was a fun night. Yeah, it was.

Great night. Great venue. We've amplified the funny bits. There was lots of lovely bits to it and it was just a good old party. Good party. Great band. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They had a yacht rock cover band playing. Yes party. Great band. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They had a Yacht Rock cover band playing. Yes. Which was cool. Well, this is a testament to the band, but more to the amount of drinks and how early we started. I got the message I got from Nick's new bride in the morning was, thanks for coming. And I even saw you dancing.

I'm like, do not tell anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My secret my secret yeah my secret's out i came pretty close to uh not giving a gift oh i had it on me this this old trick had it on me and then you're like at a certain point i was like oh yeah where the fuck is the wishing well you gotta drop this card in there yeah but yeah it came very like i could it was like down a it was like around a corner it wasn't like as you walked in or anything well a lot of people a lot of people asked me about that because you know famously nikapa didn't leave me a gift at the uh us a gift at the our wedding so maybe i'll just save the little story i have about that for uh for when kappa's on oh okay yeah

yeah it's a little tale oh a tale well it's Well, it's a bit more than a little bon mot. It was a bit more, you know, there's something in it. Yeah. There's not always going to be something great to talk about, Tommy. Somewhere between a tidbit and a yarn. Yes. A tail. I won't say it's a full yarn.

No. I'll say it's something funny. It's something? Yeah. Okay. Something. Something if we don't have something else. Yeah, damn. We're going to continue to eke if we don't have something else. Yeah, damn.

We're going to continue to eke every little scrap out of this wedding. Yeah, yeah. Let's just slowly transition this podcast into a Nick Capper's wedding podcast. Yeah. Oh, I mean, look, if he ever came to us and said, guys, it's not working out, I'm getting divorced, we'd be like, hallelujah. There's an episode.

Is there a Bucks party to do with that? A reverse Bucks. An un-Bucks? Yeah. I think you just then once you divorce then you just are commonly people are then on a bucks for about a year yeah where they're just having their real kind of return to form to uh that is a good concept if that hasn't been done already i'm sure it has where especially if you are married young maybe and so all of your mates are still single and or not married and so it's the welcome back party it's the unbuck oh totally yeah we're all 24 you've got

divorce boom let's go out it's the re-bucks the unbucks i saw a meme the other day that was like girls through a breakup and it's all her friends being like you're too good for him you'll find someone else and then it's like guys in a breakup and it's all his friends being like yeah awesome let's hit the pub. There's nothing about her, nothing about like, just like, oh, thank God. My friend who I like to drink with is back. Yes. If someone did that and said, yeah, I'm getting a divorce, I'm fine with it.

I'm having a big party for it. I wouldn't think twice about it. I'd be like, that's a great idea. Yeah. Let's do it. I'd be like, this sounds fun. I don't think this person is really properly dealing with it'd be like, that's a great idea. Yeah. Let's do it. I'd be like, this sounds fun. I don't think this person is really properly dealing with it. Maybe. But that's down the line.

Yeah. That's for tomorrow. Yes, exactly. I'm not going to bring that up on the night. I'm not doing anything tonight. Yeah. I want to go to the pub. If it was one-on-one, maybe.

Yeah. But if there's 20 of my friends, I've got- If you think that's going to make you- she's probably moving on already. Yeah. Getting her life on track. Yeah. Met someone better. But hey, you want to piss on with your her life on track met someone better but hey you

want to piss on with your dead shit mates good for you yeah i'm not bringing that up at the beer pong table no oh it's all the same it's all the same events yes yeah yeah yeah we actually get that mc in yeah yeah i'll get i'll if i have any concerns i'll tell the stripper about it and she can pass it on later yeah yeah yeah yeah well uh, people can get onto, speaking of wishing wells and gifts, you can go to patreon.com. Yes. Slash little dum-dum club. Our being married to each other.

The marriage of our comedy. Yes. You can celebrate that. Yes. Guys, you know, we do this pod. No presents. Just your presence of listening is enough. We just want you guys to listen

Okay We honestly We don't want any presents But if you are so inclined If you If you simply have to And you must If you really want to

And you really should It's rude if you don't Yes But if you must Yes Patreon.com Slash little dum dum club I'm making a list of all the listeners

That don't That don't Yeah yeah That don't subscribe to our Patreon Patreon.com Slash little dum-dum club. And you can chuck a couple of little pineapples in a card into the wishing well. That's it.

The digital wishing well. To pay for our non-stop honeymoon. Yep. That we currently, even though we're living apart. Yep. This still counts as our honeymoon. Or just the rest of our lives outside of this podcast and the honeymoon. Yeah.

Thanks to everyone who subscribes, especially. People listen. I can give or take. But people that fucking stump the funds up, much respect to you people. You swell my bank account and my pants. Yep. Thank you very much to the first cab off the rank this week.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Cameron McDermott. Hmm. Yeah. Okay. I like this name only because my favourite cricket player growing up, his name was Craig McDermott. Yep. And it's the same deal, C. McDermott. Yeah.

I've got a real fond spot For the last name McDermott Just because of that I have no attachment To any part of this name whatsoever But it helps I don't mind it This cricketer was I think like

They leaked like a sex tape of him But not like when he was playing cricket Like when he was 50 or something It was like I don't know if anyone really needs to see A sex tape of some old cunt an old man it wasn't particularly like long after his career yeah yeah okay did you watch it did you check it out no no i didn't i didn't know you don't really the leaked australian sex tape is pretty

rare well especially leaking of a bloke i'm like like, you know, not really. Well, I mean, you have to see there'll be a woman involved. Yeah. But, you know, when you have a celebrity sex tape, you want to see the celebrity. You don't want to see an unknown. Yeah. Well, I mean, I could watch this. I watch a lot of unknown sex tapes, don't worry.

Well, but I could watch this and that's what it'd be like for me because I don't know who this guy is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it would just be like I'm watching some random amateur porn. That would be good if there was like a sex tape of a musician and you're at the concert. It's like, oh, how did you get into this musician? It's like, oh, sex tape.

I'd never really heard their music before, but I like the way he fucked. Yeah, interesting. I wonder if that's happened. I wonder if there's anyone who got into Motley Crue through the Pam and Tommy tape. I like the cut. This guy keeps good rhythm. I reckon this is going to be a good band. Or the Vince Neil tape, which I, again, we've talked about this.

I had the Pamela Anderson tape. I also weirdly had the Vince Neil tape. Okay. It was a Vince Neil tape. You're right. That is weird. Yes. No, but he was having sex with a famous porn star.

You know who it was with? He had sex with two porn stars, I believe, in the tape, and one of them was the girl on the front of that famous Blink-182 album. Oh, yeah. Putting the glove on or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Janine Lindemolder. Okay.

Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, that's a double celebrity sex tape. Can you call it a celebrity sex tape if it's a porn star in the tape? No, that's just porn. This isn't a celebrity podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just our jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah star in the tape. No, that's just. It's just porn. This isn't a celebrity podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is just our jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. Yeah, you're right. That is good though. We've both been on TV. Yeah. This is a celebrity podcast.

Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if this man, Cameron McDermott, has ever made a sex tape. Oh. Ever filmed himself having sex. Have you? No. I think I did once.

Really? And I really, really panically got rid of it. I really. What era are we talking though? Is this like camcorder coming out? Camcorder. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, that I understand more. It's been, it was floated to me in a previous relationship and I'm like not in the digital age with the cloud and everything yeah there's just no way i don't know how you can do something like that now and have any kind of hope that it's going to stay well what's what's dodgy that what's more frightening that or doing it in the camcorder days when the camcorder was the family camcorder and we had about three of those little cassettes yeah okay well that's i mean that's high risk but yeah sure sure that's but at least with that if you take out the family situation if it's just your camcorder you can

have that tape and you go this is the one yeah this is the one copy of this yeah i mean i don't know what's going on with you know photos that are on my phone and then it's like having to re-download them yeah it's like they exist you could log into my iCloud account and just get them I guess yeah no thank you yeah I also have zero interest in watching myself back to be completely honest yes exactly yeah this this part of being like let's do this I'm like that's honestly my worst nightmare yeah no offense yeah, yeah. I don't need to see me. Happy to see you, but I can already see you.

Yes. I've got my own eyes. Completely. That's better clarity than. I want to upgrade. You don't want to punch down. I want to see someone better. Yeah.

Than me doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Although, I mean, I guess if you were looking back on it, like say you then became single and then you were like, look, you know what? Now I'm starting to see the sense of it in the way of like if I was single and I was thinking back to an old girlfriend and going, yeah, actually she was really hot.

And then I saw me having sex with her. I'd be like, yeah, that was good shit. Good work. That was, you know, good on me. I thought you were going to say you'd see her having sex with you and being like, yeah, this chick's a fucking idiot. I don't miss her at all. No, no.

Maybe it is. Maybe for some people it's like, you know, people will like record their comedy sets on voice memos. Maybe it's a bit of like, you know, what do I know about really what I'm doing? You know, it's hard. I'm too in the mix. Yeah.

At least looking back at a video of myself, I can like make some notes. Yeah, yeah. And improve for the future. Yeah. In like horrible form there. Yeah. Awful technique. Yeah.

But, you know, I think I'd be more like, oh, that's a good old days. Mm. Look at that. Proof that I had sex. Oh, I'm cool. So there's none of it that would make you in any way like sad or if it was someone who ended it with you and then you're looking back at the tape yeah you'd be able to do that i'd be able to what be you'd be able to look back at the tape and be

like nice i just get depressed no both if i'd had my heart broken no absolutely both though right absolutely both i i remember very distinctly being in that zone of like horribleness where I was like, this is the worst thing in the world ever. But here's some pictures of the hot chick I used to go out with and I'm going to jerk off. Oh, that's not okay. But then afterwards, oh, now it's worse than ever. Yeah, I couldn't even get to that initial point, I'd be like.

Well, because they're never coming back. That's done. Oh, look, I know. That's sad. I'm not saying what I was doing was the right thing in any way. It was making it worse. Well, Cameron, hope you're happily spoken for. Yeah.

I hope you've got the perfect sex tape and it's all working beautifully in your head. Yeah. I hope you've got the perfect sex tape and it's all working beautifully in your head. Yeah. I hope you're filming yourself, you and your partner watching that back the next night, every night, and then that's revenue up again. Yeah. I mean, that's pretty narcissistic. Yes.

But, hey, good for you. In whichever freak weird way you're filming yourself having sex, I hope it makes you happy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Thanks, McDermott. Thanks, Cameron. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Oliver May. having sex i hope it makes you happy yeah exactly yep thanks thanks mcdermott thanks cameron uh thank you very much to patreon subscriber oliver may oh yes you may have we not done this one

before give us some money uh no i really feel like okay uh i am checking it right now i double check it every time and yep no we haven't and yep, no, we haven't done it. Okay. I believe we haven't done it. We've probably just done someone else with the last name May. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

Unless I've lost some records of people, but I believe that this is all correct. Okay. Yep. I like the name Oliver. Nice name. Yes. It's fine. Okay. It's okay. It's okay. It's in my name. Yes, it's fine. Okay.

It's okay. It's in my, you know, it's in my top, it's been in the top 40 percentile, I guess, of names. May, though, was the last name. Little weak. I agree. Not much to write home about there. I agree. It's a shame.

Because I think Oliver, if you have the right surname, you can really be sound. Oliver Rock. It's like, whoa, what a name. Oliver Rock? Yeah. Now that is, that's porn star. Yeah, yeah. That's total sex tape material.

I reckon there's not one name left in porn, male wise, that is untouched in terms of, that hasn't been picked on in terms of like metaphors of penis or keeping your dick hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Like everyone's got rod, you know, long stuff. Everyone's got something to do with that. Yep. Woody Long, all that sort of stuff. But there's not enough like women called wet pussy or big tits.

Yeah, that's interesting how it completely goes the other way so the men have to be like a cartoon character yeah and then yeah you know well it's that classic old thing we've talked about before it's like these guys like i don't know what's a cool sex name for a man yeah oh yeah um um rod hardest and, oh, we'll call ourselves whatever because we're hot. Yeah. And then who gives a fuck? Yeah. But guys don't have that up their sleeve.

We'll have cute names like Candy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just won't call ourselves Puss. And that's fine. That's a cool angle, though, like a porn star that goes for some grandma name, like Agnes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Auntie Dolly. Yeah. Dolores. Beryl. Oh, Beryl. Yeah. Yeah, Beryl's a good one. Yeah.

Yeah. Beryl Griffiths. Yeah. And just some fucking Marilyn Monroe with double Gs walking out going, Double Gs? Okay, I guess that's a cool name. Yeah, I guess Beryl's hot now yeah oh well yeah um yep and then you you're meeting some like 90 year old bitty and her name's beryl and your dick goes immediately hard yeah oh fuck that can't come around the nursing home anymore damn sorry grand wreck that name for you're on your own

i won't be visiting as much anymore. Yeah. Let me know if Beryl, you know, puts a cue in the rack. Yeah. And then maybe I'll be able to come around. You have to change your name to something less sexy, like Savannah. Yeah, exactly. But Oliver May.

Oliver May. Oliver must, in my opinion. He must. Well, Oliver does. Yeah. But Oliver may. Oliver may. Oliver must, in my opinion. He must. Well, Oliver does. Yes. Oliver can and Oliver does. Oliver will in the future. Yeah.

Oliver has and Oliver will continue. Fingers crossed. Yeah. Thanks, Oliver. Thanks, Oliver. If I may, if I may, comma, Oliver. If I may be so bold. Yes.

Keep it up. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber James Shingles. Oh, boy. Yeah. Rough stuff. Well, yeah. I mean, look, one up from calling yourself James Chickenpox, but that's not saying much.

Yeah, what are the shingles? It's like a rash, right? It is like, isn't a progression of the chickenpox? Isn't it like something a little bit worse? Like untreated or it's like the adult version of it? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Something like that.

I think it's related. Google shingle symptoms. Please. Google shingles and chicken pox. Yeah, okay. And shout out to this guy for subscribing and not changing the surname. He had to have known that this is what we'd come up with. It's not the worst.

We've had worse. True. And we've had nicer names that we've turned into horrible fucking stories. So all we're really doing is like, what are we going to do? Yeah, it's like chicken pox. Yeah, can't hurt it. Fucking heard that in grade one. Shingles causes a painful rash that may appear as a stripe of blisters

on the torso. Well, do you know, just because we're talking about, like, an old, we're getting back into the old days of talking about old girlfriends and stuff like that. that into the old days of talking about old girlfriends and stuff like that i do remember having a bad breakup where it was like this is so dumb having a bad breakup where we got to the point where we're broken up and we're arguing after it and you know she's like going yeah well you did this and this and this and me going yeah well and i'm like trying to think of bad character traits of hers you're on the back foot yeah yeah and i'm like yeah, well, and I'm like trying to think of bad character traits of hers. You're on the back foot.

Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, yeah, well, there was that time that I had the chicken pox and you still wanted to have sex. And I was like feeling sick and you were like, no, we have to have sex. And so then we had sex even though I had chicken pox. And she's like, oh, is that the worst that happened? Yeah. Did you not like that? I was like, yeah, look, it was, yeah.

Still pretty good. It was still pretty good. Yeah. It took my mind off the chicken toast and that was great. Yeah, but it was kind of weird for you to want to do it. Yeah. Because I was covered in like a rash and stuff. And it's like, okay, well, if that's all you got, I think you're.

I think you. You were still the cause of this to break up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. I mean, that is weird of her. Yeah yeah it's like you didn't you know you still didn't say no did you i'm like absolutely not yeah yeah that is weird you're right that is

really weird that she wanted to have sex with you what was the rest of that story yeah that's comedy baby that's how it works. Monday after a wedding and I'm still fucking coming out with shit like that. That's it. If you ever, you know, some people sign up for comedy courses, all you need to do is get that gay, put under a microscope, figure out how it works and you've got the secret. I might teach a comedy course next year. I think you should.

I think I should. I think it's time. 2024 is my year. You're not amazingly successful at stand-up, that means yeah i think you're qualified i'm almost overqualified yeah teach a comedy course yeah i've almost got too much going on yes it's the golden rule you can't uh you can't someone that was at one of my gigs the other day that absolutely did one of the biggest bombs that was ever at one of my gigs in recent memory. Wow.

And then to walk out and see them running a comedy course the next day, I'm like, yep, that sums it up. That is it. Yep. Some really good stuff. But James Shingle. So did it say something about – I want to look it up now. Is it related to chicken pox or not? Because someone will fucking argue with me otherwise

Yeah, I don't know I mean, it doesn't It doesn't I think they're just similar Shingles is caused by the reactivation in the body Of the same virus that causes chicken pox Usually in adulthood And many years after the initial chicken pox illness

Right, because chicken pox you can only get once, right? Yeah, so this is like chicken pox but the sequel sequel yeah that's not the same i think they initially thought like oh okay you can't get chicken pox twice right and then someone got it twice and they're like we've already said that's called shingles though we just come up with a different name for it even though it is the same thing yeah you can only get chicken pox once but shingles you can get yeah multiple multiple times yeah well you can only get that one it's a different thing but then the next time you get it it's called uh wabayaki um so there you go it's it is an illness characterized by a painful chicken pox like rash almost like it is chicken pox yeah on a small area of skin usually on one side of the body so have you had chicken pox? I have when I was a little kid, but then when I had cancer, my immune system reset.

So technically, I can have it again. Fuck, the one downside to having cancer. No shingles for me. Straight back into chicken pox. Sorry to hear, man. I'm looking forward to the shingles, but you're going to have to wait a little bit longer. Yeah. What about... Oh, yeah, you've got... So you would have had chicken pox then if you've had the shingles but you're gonna have to uh wait a little i know yeah what about oh yeah you've got so you so you might so you would have had chicken pox and if you've

had the shingles no i had chicken oh you just had the chicken i think that was chicken pox but i had it as an adult i'd never had i never had mumps measles chicken pox as a kid where lots of people did yeah i don't think i had any of yeah i don't think i had measles i missed out at all and then when i got chicken pox and i'm sure I've talked about this on the show, but so long ago, but I got it just as I got a new job. And then I was that horrible thing of like, yeah, I can't come into work. I've just started a day ago, but I have chickenpox. And then I had to drive my then girlfriend to her new accommodation, which was two states away.

And I drove with the chicken pox nice like just covered in shit yeah and then we had to check into hotels under cover of darkness because i was very clearly suffering from chicken pox and to walk in and go just grab a key just just yep for the yep queen bed in number one yep right keys. I'm really healthy, so you probably won't even need to. Can we get some money off? Because you won't need the maids coming in after we check out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might not even frame these bed sheets, actually.

They're so cool and clean. Well, thanks, Shingles. Thanks, James Chickenpox. Thank you, too. It used to be James Chickenpox. That was his maiden name. Yep. He had his bar mitzvah and he became shingles.

Oh, yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Pam Harrison. Pam Harrison. Pam Harrison. Short for Pamela. Mm-hmm. I mean, that's what I would go with, but whatever. What if her name instead was Ham Harrison?

That'd be better. That's good. Pam Harrison is... I'm dating this hot woman called Ham. Again, the hotter, if they're hot enough, you call them whatever you want. The world's hottest woman and she's named Ham. Yeah.

Oh, man, check out that smoke show shows show you that 11 and a half or 10 what's her name dog shit mcgee yeah exactly sounds pretty hot to me big puddle of piss yeah jones bam arison she i've seen her on the social she was a she loves it she loves it and also she stands out to me i remember the name because usually there's all the rest of you cunts are on there talking on any picture we put up going, oh, that looks like a fucking dumb cunt or duck sandwich or whatever. And Pam Harrison, I remember, is just putting up,

oh, I love this stuff. Thanks for the content, boys. Great job. Yeah. This show is great. I laugh a lot at this show. She's a ray of sunshine. Yeah.

Another funny episode yeah thank you for taking time out of your already busy weeks to record it yeah yes thank you

thank you so much for being a very narrow pinprick point voice of reason within this yeah community

the rest of you sort of alright but there's a few fucking shit cunts out there so whatever but Pam I can't roast her because so whatever um but pam um i i can't roast her because she's never roasted us yeah i think it would be a horrible thing to say no

and i said already she's got the name she's got the iconic name um who was it now there's a listener in the show that i put up on socials a while back what's her name it's it's like pam anderson but it's no it's pam anderton oh okay yes i don't think she mustn't be a um patreon subscriber god damn it pam why won't you do that so we can read it out just change your name yeah it was like change one letter she it was so funny because like I printed out the list for Basement Comedy Club and I see the name and I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to meet Pam Anderson tonight. It's the closest to Pam Anderson. Maybe it's a fake name.

Yeah. A really bad fake name. Yeah. And then she turns up and I'm like, Pam Anderson. She's like, yeah, I listened to your show. I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, right. Yes.

Great. Does she look anything like Pam Anderson? Look, not many people God. Yeah, right. Yes, great. Does she look anything like Pam Anderson? Look, not many people do. Yeah. So I won't say that she does because I can't imagine anyone that listens to this show that looks even two degrees like Pamela Anderson. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. It would be – remember that thing I said for two seconds one day years and years ago? I want to find the hottest male dum-dum fan.

Yeah. That would be still funny to find. Yeah, yeah. I think. But yeah, I don't think there's any playboy bunnies that listen to this show. No. I would love to think.

Even like a homegirl from People magazine or Picture. Yeah. That would be great. That's batting out of our league. Yeah. Is there any hand models out there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there any...

Is anyone that's listened to this show done any modelling at all? Is there anyone that listens to this show whose house isn't full of broken mirrors? Yeah. Has anyone done any, like, model train modelling? I don't know. Has anyone done any form of that?

Yeah. Yeah, please let us know. If you're an ex-model Send in your modelling pics Yep Show us Police sketches on Crimestoppers don't count No

That's not modelling No If you are Get the title of the Dum Dum Club's hottest model fan Yep That would be great, I think Yeah, we could We could

Yeah We could do something nice for them Yeah A little parade through the city Yeah Yeah that'd be good Well thanks Pam We could get them a sash

Yeah Miss or Mr Dumb Dumb Mr Dumb Dumb Yeah Well thanks Pam Thanks for being such a ray of sunshine Yes Thanks so much

Keep it up Yeah please Don't Don't Don't let it stop now that we've said this Yeah don't think that now that this is committed to record, I'm officially nice, all future generations will know, it's time to just turn it up.

It's not like you haven't put hands in the Hollywood walker phone, it's not permanent there, this can change. Yep. This can absolutely change. All right, let's just do one more. Sure. Okay, thank you very much to 5th Cab Off The Rink

this week oh wow okay this is this is the second out of five this is a

pretty weird thing but out of five names that we've read out this week there's two people out of five that have sort of medical conditions in their name

okay this is the second one. Thank you very much too. Anal warts comedy. Wow. Yeah, comedy. What a horrible disease. Yeah, nice.

All right. Thanks, everyone. Congratulations, Nick and Caitlin. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Sign up to the Patreon. Get the two bonus mini episodes every week. Thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.