The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 674 - Josh Earl & Sami Shah

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

This week we're joined by SAMI SHAH and JOSH EARL! Since he was last on, Sami's had a child with an international celebrity so we get stuck into all of the details about her crazy story and how she met Sami. PLUS there's a follow-up on an open micer's attempt at getting a gig at one of Karl's rooms and we're searching for talent in Perth for our upcoming live episode. All of this, plus five minutes of chat about cheese. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Sammy Shah and Josh Earle. If you want to support the show, you can do that on patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. Get yourself two bonus mini episodes every week. We will talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Sammy Shah and Josh Earle. Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week Thank you very much for joining us, my name is Tommy Dasolo And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chan G'day Dickhead

And joining us today, two very special guests Please welcome back onto the show, Josh Earle and Sammy Shaw. The comedy twins. Yes. Like chalk and chalk. The Brunswick Bath survivors. Don't we bump into each other in the walls? You look like chalk and I could see you go, do I say brown cheese?

Manchego, is that brown? That's a good cheese. Yeah, okay. What's the, what's what would be your... We don't have. You don't have your own cheese, do you? There's no cheese culture there. Yeah.

It's really weird. I only realized when I came here, I was like, oh shit, cheese is amazing. Why the fuck aren't we doing cheese back home? What do you do for nibbles? Like dips? Is it refrigeration? Is that the issue?

What's the issue? I don't know. I think it's a thing that never took off. It just never came there as a cultural event. Because cheese goes with wine. You're not having wine anyway anyway so that's a whole section that's kind of gone okay and your nibbles and dips are more like you're making samosas and frying things do you have jaffles over there or we do but we put them in like green chutneys and

spicy right and cheese isn't spicy really so you don't have an equivalent of like because paneer is indian they're like they're like bits of the little cottage cheese sort of dumpling and stuff. Yeah, that's good too. You don't have like an equivalent. We have. I mean, we do paneer as well. Yeah, okay. But yeah, it's not, I don't know.

It's not really a thing that, you know, you never go to someone's house and be like, oh, is there cheese? Yeah. Or would you like some cheese? It's not a conversation ever. That is like every time I've gone to Japan, you go there for like two weeks and it's like, I don't think I had a single shred of dairy the whole time I was here. Is it a dairy-heavy culture?

It's not, though, is it? Yeah, it is. We have dairy in our desserts. They fucking lock out. Half the continent worships it. Yeah, exactly. The other half eats it. Yeah, so in Japan, they don't do dairy.

Not really. I was just in Vietnam. Same thing there. Very little dairy over there. They've got their condensed milk in their coffees. Yeah, they do't do dairy? Not really. Yeah, I was just in Vietnam. Same thing there. Very little dairy over there. They've got their condensed milk in their coffees. Yeah, they do. But at mealtime, yeah, they're not bringing out a slight, they're not bringing out a Kraft single and chucking that on there.

Yeah, see? It's a shame. Disappointing. Condensed milk on toast. That used to be a big snack when I was a kid. Oh, really? Milk on toast. Condensed milk, though.

Yeah. Condensed milk. They love it. Because it's super sweet, right? Southeast Asia, they love it. Yeah, they love it. Oh, yeah. And hence toast. Condensed milk, though. Yeah. Condensed milk. They love it. Because it's super sweet, right? Southeast Asia, they love it. Yeah, they love it. Oh, yeah. And hence, I love it now.

No, no, like, yeah, because I can still, like, even now, if there's condensed milk around, no one's watching, I'll have a spoonful. Oh, really? But only if no one's watching. It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the eyes are on you. Then, yeah.

I'm a man with respect. I have a reputation to maintain. It's a slightly weird thing to do. Now that I'm picturing you doing it. Yeah, it's weird, right? It's kind of weird. to do. Now that I'm picturing you doing it. Yeah, it's weird, right? It's kind of weird. Is it erotic? I don't know what's happening.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that why you moved to Australia? You just wanted to have cheese for the first time? Cheese and condensed milk. You're like, this coon sounds all right. I didn't want to. Get me in. The first time I was in a Woolies, I saw coon cheese and above that there was cracker.

And I was like, this is a race war like right yeah they cancel each other out yeah yeah and then I realised that every single comedian in Australia

had done that joke at some point so yeah I didn't follow it up on it and you drove to the Harold Holt pool and go what's going on oh my god

he's dead and he died how what we're due for a new one of them we gotta be due for like I guess we had a lot of there were a lot of COVID themed ones

yes famously self isolating for years yeah which you stole from someone else I think I don't think you were I actually don't think

I think I'll be seeing you in court for even suggesting that you were fishing zero of that joke yeah exactly yeah because I had I'm such an anti-social guy

right and so they're saying we gotta be social distancing and I'm such an anti-social guy. Right. And so they're saying we've got to be social distancing. And I'm thinking, well, I've been doing that for years. Oh, okay. Oh, now when you explain it, it makes sense. Yeah. I actually just got that. And what about these people that don't want the vax because they don't know what's in it?

Oh, yeah. Do you know what's in a Macca's cheeseburger? That's never stopped you. Yeah, cheese and meat. Yeah. And onion? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, so you do know. Okay, well, you're allowed to be anti-social. Okay, cheese and meat. Yeah. And onion. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so you do know. Okay, well, you're allowed to be anti-vax. Okay, all right, all right. That joke didn't work that time. You're the one guy. You're the one food scientist that's allowed to be anti-vax. I'm an anti-joker. Yeah.

Yeah. What's that mean? I'm against that joke that you told. Okay. About being self-isolated for years. I'm anti that one okay there's this thing

that I've noticed which is like a lot of the American comedian podcasts there's that whole network of like American comedians who do like it's

Mark Norman and then so like it'll be what's the Bobby Lee one Bad Friends and then and they all kind of talk to each other

hang out a little bit and they all are always talking shit about how bad Australian comedians are. Oh, really? I have noticed this as a recurring theme from Adam Friedman's podcast to Bad Friends. Well, he's been on ours, so that seems personal. Yeah, look, he's allowed.

He's got to get out of Jaffa. He's had first-hand experience. But then I was thinking, what happens is whenever these guys are coming here, and then they reach out to the agencies for like, hey, who can be an opener? And then we've all had that thing of like, really? He's opening for him?

Like that? I'd be like, oh, that's why they think we're shit, because they only see those guys usually. Big shout out to Nick Cody, who always opens for him. I got asked to do one a little while ago, and got asked at the last minute and I couldn't do it. And I saw who they got and I think I'm contributing to that. Yeah, I think I've contributed to that unfortunately.

Yeah. Okay. Damn. Who's one of those big American comedians that just came by like six months ago or whatever and he popped into my thing thing popped into Basement Comedy Club with his main yes Shane Gillis

yeah at least there's the opposite of that because he came in with his support acting yeah I've heard that one he fucking ate a big one he was dog shit was it Matt McClusker

the support act because he does the podcast I tried to wipe it from my brain yeah because I heard I heard that that was a really bad

a big old stinker down there and it's fucking pretty hard To air out a basement Yeah And linger down there For a little bit Yeah

How was his show though? Did you watch it? Shane Gillis's? No He's sad Kyle doesn't watch His own comedy shows I know

I've watched down there He's in the toilet Batting after the photo Of Kramer Yeah yeah yeah Hey I'm outside the toilet Batting after the Picture of Kramer Pardon me yeah yeah i don't know i don't know um comedy hey yeah it's a funny old game i want to start listening to these podcasts where they're bagging out australian comedians it's not like it's not a

common thing but like every now i've heard it on pretty much every podcast and i was like oh shit this is like a theme yeah they all think we're shit like this is not good for us yeah i reckon we're pound for pound. We've been to America. You can see they've got the New York's like Melbourne. There's a bunch of good people. There's fucking heaps of dog shit.

It's exactly the same ratio. Except they just happen to have Chris Rock on those guys and we've got Hughsey. It's just slightly smaller. I think Duck Sandwich can go toe-to-toe with any George Carlin review. Yes, exactly. It's up there with the seven words you can't say on TV. Two words you can't say in a cafe, duck sandwich.

I have often thought of Yuzi as the Chris Rock of Australian comedy. That's very true. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They both get angry about it. What's the deal? Yuzi, no! And people They both get angry about it. What's the deal? You see now. And people want to slap him as well. I opened a packet of snakes alive.

They was all dead. Take that America. Who says we're no good at comedy? I love black people, but I hate no you. Shut up. Comedy. Good Lord. I love black people, but I hate... No, you... Yeah, comedy. Good Lord. Thanks for coming in here, Sammy,

because you've only just had another kid. Yeah, I'm three and a half months old now. Yeah, nice one. Yeah, the ripe old age of 45. Let's do this again. Why do we have that reputation, Tommy? That's another one of mine. That's good. So this is... Is this wife number three? Wife number three. That's good. So this is,

is this wife number three? Wife number three. This time we're not getting married. So that's the life hack. That's the life hack I've figured out. You can't get divorced if you don't get married. Okay, right. Now you're thinking.

Thank you. Triple jeopardy. I've had to lie to my entire family in Pakistan because I'm basically living in Muslim sin right now. Oh, damn. So that's fun. Yeah, what is it? You are a renowned right now oh damn so that's fun yeah what is it you are a renowned atheist

so isn't that enough oh they all I'll just lie to them about that it's just another one on the pile so the atheism thing like the way my family

deals with it is they're like oh you don't need to talk about it like no it's like I don't know if you smoke

in front of your parents when you're a teenager or your parents realize you smoke but they're like as long as we don't see it yeah they know you swear you're not gonna smoke in front of your parents when you're a teenager or your parents realise you smoke but as long as we don't see it they know you swear they're not going to swear in front of mum though they know you were drinking at that party

but they're just going to not so the atheism is the same but the unwed child that is just too much to bear I love how strict you guys are about it yet the two people I know you and Naz fucking love a wife or two

we're allowed four oh really yeah oh you got one to go yeah exactly okay that's good so that'd be a step too far

next he'll be telling us he's eating bock and chini over there we'll have to ride him out of the wheel yeah yeah just don't eat cheddar in front of us

yeah true no it's so yeah anyway but yeah I got a kid 45 riding out of the will. Yeah, yeah. Just don't eat cheddar in front of us. Yeah, true, true. No, it's, so yeah, anyway, but yeah, I got a kid, 45,

which was a weird age to have a kid. Yeah. Because I was like, I'm really old to have one, but then, there's a lot of people who do it now.

Yeah, how old's your partner? She's 36. Oh, that's fine. That's fine. So mine's, so I was 43 when I had my, my first one. That's your first, right? That's my first, because you've got one in like high school or something. So mine's... I was 43 when I had my... That's your first, right?

That's my first, because you've got one in high school or something. My daughter's 14. My older daughter's 14. Oh, well, that's... Yeah, so she's basically babysitting age now, which is how I kind of planned it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, do you mind if we talk about this? Because we... Every teenager's dream is to eventually be babysitting their dad's new baby i've never talked to you about this but so your partner yeah is like a well-known person yeah no i wouldn't i mean i shouldn't i wouldn't say celebrity in a weird way kind of kind of well as in she's a famous person like she's recognised me more than most of us. Really?

Yeah. Because I knew of her and then when I found out that she's with you, I was like, oh, fuck, you're with someone from the news. Holy shit, are you dating Pammy? What's she in the news about? Do you want to explain? Yeah, sure. Her name's kylie moore gilbert um and so she basically is an academic from melbourne university um who went to iran in

2018 for a conference uh work conference there and they randomly they're like they accused her of spying through her in prison for two years um she was in solitary confinement for one whole year and then they put her in a public prison over there as well um and then finally after two years in prison in iran she got a 10-year sentence but the australian government finally struck a deal with them and managed to get her back here and she arrived right back here into covid lockdown in 2020 december and to discover that her husband of 10 years had had an affair on her part on her had cheated on her

with her PhD supervisor and to make it worse she hooked up with you yeah imagine so at no point has she shown

any good life choices yeah that is a good that's a good strategy dating someone who's been in an Iranian prison yeah

how bad could I be come on it could be worse come on yeah it's like you're in solitary confinement at least I'm company someone to talk to

I would come worse not worse than a brick wall so yeah no it's yeah and then she got here and then we met in a fucking dating app

which is the weirdest way to meet someone from that situation but yeah so between the two of us like most of the Muslim world is off limits now

i can't travel to half of it she can't travel to the other way you met on like hinge and her thing her prompt was like we'll get on great if you don't throw me in the clink i was dressed as momar gaddafi this is true so i had done a thing oh is this true yeah yeah you know the chaser war in 2020 like they do their chaser does a thing of war on whatever yeah they did one in 2020 they did a whole series of youtube videos and nina oyama kind of got really famous in one of those as well and i had done one of dictator dan where it was basically the league of dictators um induct dictator dan okay and and so and i was dressed as Gaddafi in that. And so I took a picture of that,

and I put that as my profile picture on Hinge. And I was like, if you get this, you get me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. And she's a Middle East scholar. So this is her bread and butter. So she's like, does it come with Ukrainian nurses? And I was like, this person gets me.

That's literally how we met. She's like, fancy a conjugal. That's literally how we met. She's like, fancy a conjugal visit. So that's the thing. So she was accused of like being a spy. That's why she was in jail for like two years.

Yeah. And then you, on your first date. Yeah, had no, so I, literally we sit down and all I,

she hadn't told me her name in her profile picture is very distant. Like, because she was being hounded by like Daily Mail. Like, it was crazy. Like paparazzi were like following her around. and all I she hadn't told me her name in her profile picture is very distant like because she was being hounded by like Daily Mail

like it was crazy like paparazzi were like following her around and I'm like I'll never be fucking but yeah so so she had like

hidden her her true identity on the thing so no photo of her and you still swiped well no the photo was like a woman

who in the distance I was like she's got limbs that works for me you know I'm not against limbs how many wives does he have he's not fussing I mean, it was like a woman who in the distance, I was like, she's got limbs. That works for me. You know, I'm not against limbs. How many balls does he have?

He's not fast enough. I know, right? Come on. At this point, you know my criteria, warm body, warmish. Yeah.

So, um, and so, yeah, we went, so all I knew was we chatted on the thing and she told me she was this, uh, she was a university lecturer who'd had, who's focused on the Middle East. Yeah. And the, yeah, we went. So all I knew was we chatted on the thing. And she told me she was a university lecturer whose focus was the Middle East.

And the thing is, when you're in Pakistan and these countries, if you meet a white person who says they're an expert in your part of the world and they're an academic, you always assume they're a spy. Yeah, sure. It's just a thing that happens, especially in Pakistan. It's quite common. So we sit down at the cafe. And my first thing was I was like

so middle eastern lecture are you a spy like as a joke and she's thinking oh shit he figured out who I am so you didn't know who she was

or the story or anything so she's I mean like I knew the story because I read about it in the news but I hadn't put it into

and so she like she's like what the fuck like she had a weird reaction and in my well even it had a weird reaction and in my comedian it's causing a weird reaction even the fact that

that's happened to her yeah for that to happen to a normal person is a fucked up thing by the way but here's the comedian brain I'm like

why isn't she laughing that's so fucking funny I'm so funny why didn't she laugh at my joke like that's where I'm going and then she's like then we started chatting

and stuff like that and at no point did she mention the Iran stuff or anything so I found out a then we started chatting and stuff like that and at no point did she mention the Iran stuff or anything so I found out a little bit about her

and stuff the date went well and then I went home and the next day I opened the newspaper her pictures in the newspaper with academic Ali Mogilbert

recovering from time in Iran or whatever oh wow so the story ran the very next day after the date yeah

so she's fresh out On the apps She basically She'd been in Melbourne For like four or five months At that point Okay right You check your pockets

After the date Go off It's all gone Ex-felon Ex-con Yeah Yeah I told my parents I was like

You know when we were Serious and everything I was like I'm dating someone This one's been in prison And they're like What the fuck Wow So yeah be serious and everything i was like i'm dating someone this one's been in prison wow so yeah yeah that's what she is yeah that's cool so that's cool that you uh got you are going you're the mother of your child is a criminal yeah yeah he's a con so it's funny

because we're applying for u.s visa to go to visit visit America next year for some work stuff and I can just fucking go online log in do the app or do the website and five minutes later I'll get the visa and by the way

I'm Pakistani but I can get it no problem she has to fill out forms go for interviews and all that shit because she's been in prison in a foreign country

but what I like about this is so I think that's sort of cool it's definitely like a talking point at parties like I mean if I was you I'd be like this is my wife

she's been in jail like I've been gone no no she's teardrop tattoos yeah can you draw the tattoos again it helps me at parties yeah but then even more impressive than that is so she was supposed to be out earlier but then the prison boss kept her in there because he was in love with her because he was in love with her yeah her how do you know that part he was the prison boss he was in touch with the IRGC

but that's so funny she effectively spent time in jail for being too hot yeah the guy was the guy had a fucking massive boner for her she tried to get her to marry him for like a year so she was in jail for an extra year for being too attractive. Yeah.

And he's like, marry me. She's like, no. He's like, why? Did our government swap someone? So the way the deal ended up working out was. Oh, that would be good. Yeah. So basically there are these two Iranian terrorists in Thailand who tried killing the Israeli ambassador to Thailand.

Now Carl's listening. But they blew up their, oh, that's how Carl got all this info, right? So they blew up their apartment while constructing the bomb. And one of them

lost a leg, the other one, and they both got arrested. They were in a prison in Iran, in Thailand. So Australia struck a deal with Thailand

to let Thailand release those guys to Iran in exchange for her coming back here. Oh, right. Basically. Two for one.

That's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And two terrorists too. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah. I thought it was going to be they sent over like Shane Jacobson or something. Yeah, also.

They're like, no, it's fine. We're good. You can have her for free. It's fine. Yeah. It should have been Chappelle. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah it's like

our prison warden he's got a boner for her we can swap maybe she'll marry you or whatever well so like that's the thing so after she came back

one of the first TV things to ever contact they ended up being like a 60 Minutes did an episode on her and Sky News did an episode on her

but like the first one of the first things to contact her was Fucking Bachelor Bachelorette Oh yes Bachelorette Really

They were just like This is a great story for an episode She's like no Like I'm not fucking doing Bachelorette So like she would have been the Bachelorette Can you imagine God damn That would have been awesome

I never would have gotten a chance then Yeah Fuck I have no abs That's cool Yeah yeah yeah That's so That's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's such a funny, overwhelming thing to go from solitary confinement to The Bachelor. Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah. That prison guy just watching that show being like, what the hell? Him flying in and putting another moustache over his moustache and being one of the contestants. So he was like, marry me and you can get out now. But get out and stay in Iran. Right, right, right. So she just helped out. She was like, no way.

If you marry me, we can live in the house at the back of the prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can come to me with work sometimes. I won't be stressful for you at all. Meet all your other friends in prison. That's quite convenient. Yeah, come and see your old room yeah yeah so yeah that's her um and then and then we basically once we got together it was weird we like because the daily mail paparazzi was still following her for a while so we actually kind of kept it quiet for ages um one time she went to

bunnings and i was just at home because what am I going to do at Bunnings? You've seen me. I'm not a manly man. And so fucking, she goes to Bunnings and she eats a sausage sizzle outside Bunnings

and they snap a picture and publish that in the Daily Mail. Kylie Moore Gilbert eating sausage sizzle outside Bunnings. How the fuck? So we're like... Are you allowed to tell people

back home she's eating sausage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's beef. It's beef. It's beef. Okay. And then, and now, then when she got pregnant, we were like, yeah, it's getting harder to hide the story now. So then we got in touch with Good Weekend.

Well, it's going to be great when they find your Gaddafi picture and put it up on the Daily Mail. Yeah. Oh, man. That's a beautiful story. Yeah. I didn't know any of that. I'm reeling from all of these details. Yeah, it's a beautiful story Yeah I didn't know any of that I'm reeling from all of these details Yeah

It's a bananas story That's so cool Yeah Yeah It's very funny to know all that And then To know all that story Like have someone

In society that you know about In that story And go That's a mad story And then go Oh my mate Yeah Got her

Knocked up The guy doing dick jokes On stage last night It's him Yeah So did you You knew the story already Yes Before knowing that Got her Knocked up The guy doing dick jokes On stage last night It's him Yeah yeah yeah So did you Did you You knew the story already

Yes Before knowing that Sammy was with her Yes Damn That's awesome Yeah it was like All over the news for a while

Because Because a big deal Australian academic Like stuck there Well I think the big story was That brought to the attention Was the whole thing of like How bad is this

Imagine being stuck in jail Imagine doing this Imagine doing this And then like The husband's taken like two seconds to go basically oh I wouldn't mind

getting sucked off at work that's happened and the woman's got the same name so the woman he cheated on cheated with is also named Kylie

that's sick that was that was just like so many levels in there that's so lazy that is honestly king shit also smart

if you think about it you can't say the wrong name right yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah There was just like so many levels in there. That is so lazy. Honestly, king shit. Also smart. If you think about it, you can't say the wrong name, right? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't fuck it up. Yeah. But yeah, that's what, so that's why, because that was all over the tabloids and all that shit. And it was crazy.

Because she's like an academic from university. Like that's like her background is she went to Cambridge University, did a bachelor's and master's and mid-leason studies and then came to University of Melbourne did a PhD there. That's not a person you normally see in the tabloids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or on the bachelor. Yeah. Yeah. Or going out with a Melbourne open mic. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Are you doing material about any of the issue? Okay. With you talking about it on stage? I mean, I'm fine talking about it. We're like, yeah, we've done like articles about it and stuff stuff but no i'm not really doing material about it because it's funny

like once the articles came out um at the comedy festival my ticket sales went up and i was like oh no like yes this is not all the people who like fans of her because she's got like people who are fans you're a wag support her yeah yeah. What are you wearing tonight, Sammy? Give us a little twirl. Come on. Come on, sweetheart. And so they all came to the show, and I was like, oh, fuck, they're here to hear me talk about her.

My show is like a wall-to-wall, just fucking me doing racist jokes and shit. Yeah, cool. And they probably all walked away going, oh, my God, she's made another bad choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They put the wrong one in jail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, who knows? She should have married the warden yeah yeah so what's it yeah what is it what is

do you think there's a show she said no to the bachelor but do you think there is a uh is there like a no i don't i mean like look the one thing she said is if they if they ever offer one of those travel competition shows because she loves amazing rice yeah because she's been like 55 countries and stuff yeah yeah she's like i'd love to do one of those but i was like yeah i'm not though oh you know what you wouldn't do it i like well actually between the two of you you go to new zealand yeah exactly also that yeah well like china's off limits now yeah right because they have a good relationship with iran yeah um russia's off limits now Yeah right Because they have a good Relationship with Iran Yeah Russia's off limits Which

It's not like we were Planning on going anywhere But still Yeah yeah yeah Any country that's got Diplomatic relations with Iran That are positive Is Turkey's off limits

You're gonna end up On Phillip Island Yeah On an Airbnb With like the neighbors Of Iran Yeah Yeah it's really weird

And then she's been back here Kind of working with The Irani community To help support them and stuff in the protests and stuff so yeah yeah it's weird like it's just this weird thing that's been a part of my life what about the mall she could go on the mall oh that's good i've never seen that one yeah it's like a bunch of contestants and they're all like trying to do these challenges to get money at the end. There's a communal thing. And if they lose the challenge, they lose money. And there's one person in the mix of all the contestants that's deliberately trying to fuck them up and sabotage it.

And at the end of each episode, you vote on who you think the mole is. She's not being good at it. I think the new one's now the traitors. That's what the mole is. You know what she could do? Big Brother. Oh, you get locked away with only 12 people. Do this on my fucking head

Yeah Yeah You can get out of here now If you agree to marry hot dogs Yeah I'll stick around I'll do two years Yeah

It's fine Don't worry about it Yeah So yeah That's who That's what she That's why I'm so easy for her To handle

You know Right right I mean if you did do a show You could call it Banged Up Abroad. Have a space in between A and broad. Covers the pregnancy, covers her going into jail. I mean, most of us could do a show with that title. Well, great. I can't wait to hear what your fourth wife does eventually

when we have you back on in his time. Yeah, yeah. Who knows? I do tell her, I'm like, look, this isn't going to last. Let's be very clear. At some point, it's me. I'm happy to accept the possibility. Yeah, either you or she'll re-offend again.

She'll help herself. That does give you a lot of leverage. You just could put her away pretty easily. Imagine she's like, I'm buying a one-way ticket back to Iran. I would rather that than you. That's how exhausting I am. Can she go back in?

To Iran? No, no. Not unless the government changes because the entire country collapses. So that's off the table as well. Yeah, not unless she gets rid of you and decides she actually likes the prison warden. Then she can go back but that's about it i don't know i never saw a picture of him i don't know how much better i am like i've always wondered like am i better looking

how much has she told you about prison like are you asking her questions about prison life or are you a bit yeah i know everything about it like and like because there's stuff like she wrote an autobiography about it. But that book is like missing half, because you can't write all the random details. Sure, sure. Like, you know, they made like prison wine, you know. Yes.

Toilet wine? Yeah, toilet wine in prison in Iran. So you can imagine what that's like. What's the, I get the water out of the dunny, but what's the, what's the gripe? I think they use figs or something, like fermented fig wine at one point and like all those stories which aren't even in the book but they're fucking great yeah yeah yeah yeah i do wonder about all that stuff because i did read the bits where she said like all the food's terrible it's like yeah i get it yeah but then

she's like well she's getting food off the off the guards and stuff i'm like what what food what food are you bringing in it's's all Irani food also, which is funny because she has a big taste for Irani food now. So she cooks Irani food really well and we go to Irani restaurants all the time and everything.

I'm like, wouldn't you not want to eat that ever again? She's like, no, I like it now. Got the taste. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. That's really rattled me.

That's a hell of a story. I mean, look, there's a lot of different things going on outside our experience. Even just with you, you know, you've lived in two third world countries. You've lived in Pakistan and Perth. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, nice.

I thought you were going to say America, but yeah, three. Perth comedy. We always have to talk about when someone's from Perth. Perth comedy. That's where you started comedy in Perth. Yeah. What's going on there these days? I've been kind of out of the loop.

It's weird, super weird, as always. It's the Iranian jail of the comedy scene. It is. Yes. You've got to marry a dodgy guy just to get a spot there. When you started as well, you weren't living in Perth. You were living, what, two hours away? Northern, like two hours from Perth.

So you'd drive two hours to do Perth comedy and then drive back home the car track prison of WA yeah I used to live like what two hours from Perth

that's like it's weird now I have those moments where like this comedy festival I was complaining about like my comedy career and I was like

this sucks and I hate fucking having to do gigs in the festival because I'm not doing anything in my career and it's I used to drive two hours

to an open mic in Perth. What the fuck am I complaining about? Like at some point, you lose all perspective. And also, I can't complain to her. And also, you're saying,

you're saying that, oh yeah, I've got to go and do this. And your wife's like, I've done worse things. Yeah. I literally, I called her up

halfway through the festival and spent an hour like right after my gig on the phone, on the way home, just whinging about how miserable my life is. And then after, and then I realized, I'm like, why didn't you at any point tell me to shut the fuck up?

Why did you listen to any of that? What is wrong with you? I mean, to be fair though, most venue writers, you'd be lucky to even get some toilet wine. Yeah, true. You got her on that front at least. The Chinese Museum. That's one good thing I'll say about Chinese Museum.

Your venue this year? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done it two years in a row now. And it's good for where I am in my career. Like, you know, you've got to come to a weird fucking place out of the way where no one else is going to be to watch me. I mean, it screams comedy to me. Chinese Museum.

I mean, where else would you watch cultural? Your partner can't go there. Well, we're talking about stand-up and hey, look, you're not really talking about your partner's experience on stage and material, but I think we need

to touch on this update from the other week. Speaking of stand-up material, on Talking Dum Dum, Carl got a phone call, a voice message need to touch on this update from the other week speaking of stand-up material on a talking dum-dum carl got a phone call a voice message from someone who he assumed was razzing him up yep saying hey can i do a gig at spleen i've got some great material here and we were just kind of like writing back live on the air going hey yeah um yes you know let us know the material and if it's good enough, I'll put you on. And just really thinking, oh, this is just a mate, having a fuck around.

And then it gets down to it and it's like, oh, no, this is a real guy with some real material. Already sent it? Well, then I think I left before you got the reply and then that night you were like, he sent the reply. We've got to talk about this it's good stuff so some people don't listen hang around and listen to talking dumb dumb at the end so let's just start this from the start so someone rings during the recording of the show and i um

this is a very common uh text message i will send back because if i miss a call generally someone is using my number to ring up about Basement Comedy Club. So I send the message back. Sorry we couldn't take your call. We. Were you. It's a big corporation in here. So many people.

You do that even to me. You're like, yeah, we've got this person on this weekend. I'm like, you know I know that it's just you. Who do you think you're fooling? Plural's more impressive. Yeah, we appreciate it. At Celine headquarters, yeah. In at Comedy Inc.

Sorry we couldn't take your call. Were you inquiring about comedy? Reply. Just looking to perform. Yuck. At your comedy club. Do you have any spots available? Me?

No. Then none at all. And then sad face, another sad face with a tear, another sad face with two tears. And my reply, hope you feel better soon. To be fair, I'm playing this for laughs because we're recording as we're doing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And their reply, ha, ha, ha.

Come on, please. Any spot, any time, anywhere. I got this bit on sardines. It's dynamite. Dynamite in the sense that it's highly untested and very unlikely it works. I'll stop pestering you now, but if anything ever pops up, please, please call. My stage name is Kylo Zen. It's a Star Wars thing, but I don't want to talk about it now.

And that's the bit that makes us go okay this is a wind up my reply I go who is this this is a phone hack yeah yeah yeah I go who is this fess up I need to know who to ban

I'm like you know I'm thinking this is Cam James yeah yeah yeah I screenshot all this I send it to Cam James and go is this you this is our thing

it's not I wish I'd thought of it but it's not me it's a Star Wars thing but I don't want to talk about it. It's perfect. That's really good. I know.

It's so good. I'm like, I wish I'd thought of this. Kylo Zen. Yeah. So then I think this is what we got up to. This is all we got up to. I think that was maybe, yeah, the last of it. Yeah.

So this is the next bit. This is the next bit, which there's a couple of good bits in here. So my next text is, give me a synopsis of this sardines bit. Oh, no, so we'd sent that, and then we hadn't gotten a response before. Yes, okay. So imagine, I mean, look, the idea, very commonly people will try and pitch to get a spot on a gig by sending a YouTube clip or something.

Yeah, yeah. Which I think is slightly, it's the best you can do, I i guess but it's slightly flawed because who's going to sit there and watch fucking 10 minute clips of anyone and also sometimes people do that to me and they'll send me a clip of them bombing i mean what are you thinking here like this is this is supposed to be the best you've done great thunder fire this is terrible we were saying this is the best new audition for getting a gig because it's like if the material can impress me just over text message, then that's a good sign. Okay, and let's see if that's true in this case.

Okay. So give me a synopsis of the sardines bit. Okay. Their reply. I talk about how I've just broken up with my girlfriend and she's like, what are you doing? I'm like, like oh you know just eating some sardines hence why it's called the sardines bit yep i talk about how it was meant

to be a fancy meal but to my dismay the sardines were always waiting for me when i was single i talked to her about it and i'm just presenting myself honestly just enjoying them as they have lots of omega in them omega 69 69. I mean 6 and 9. Lots of Omega threesomes. And obviously, I'm not hinting at anything. This is so a Cam James bit. He is definitely right. He's lying.

He's lying. There's no way that's a real human. I love the idea that these aren't even actual jokes. This is just him riffing as he's typing the text out. Like, Omega 69. Omega 69. But you know what? A parody of bad comedy is so close to bad comedy. Right.

I think it's really easy to mix them up. Yep. Anyway, so I'm not hinting at anything. There's a lot more jokes in and around it. No, no. That was all we needed. You just want to be good. This is all one big block of text

Yes Yeah great Then I talk about how now that I'm single I have more free time And I start talking about sandwiches And how I think times have changed in the last 10 years Oh that's right Because when we were talking about this

You were getting the dancing dots for like ages And now it all makes sense It's just an essay. Is this the kind of message you type up in messages or you type up in notes? Oh, get the lapis. And then get it. Get it right. Control C, control V.

But I just love the idea of like pitching your comedy to someone by doing it in a roundabout way. Like for example, Husey, you don't go, I'm sort of like, what's one of your jokes, Husey? He's like, I sort of got this thing about snakes alive and I sort of start talking about how I've got a packet. But, you know,

basically I reference how they're not alive. I heard that and something went wrong and I'm a bit sort of... They're not really, they're not as alive as I would say on the packet. But I'm sort of... A lot of it's my voice as well. You don't do it in the roundabout way.

You have to just do it. You did ask for a synopsis though. Had you just asked for the type of bit out. He's just taken that and gone, okay, I can do this bad bit worse. You look up a synopsis for a film on the Hoyts website. They're not going to give you the ending. They're just going to give you a bit of like, here's the rough story.

If you're into this, you'll come along. And you're into 69s and sardines and sandwiches. Omega threesomes. Omega threesomes. And how I think times have changed in 10 years. Then I talk about how much money a man spends on his sandwich making a YouTube video. Huh? What?

That's the end. Then he says... Hang on. How much money a man spends on his sandwich making a YouTube video. Yes, that's what it says here. Okay. Yeah. All right, good.

Yes, that's what it says here. Okay. All right, good. I assume that means how much money he's talking about that he's using on making a sandwich on a YouTube video. Oh, okay. He's recording himself talking about those things. Okay, got it. I'll say this.

Oh, much funnier now. Thank God you made that video. It's working. I want to see this. I want to see the finished product. Oh, that's for sure. So that's the synopsis. Right.

That's the synopsis of his bit. Yeah. I wish every comedy show I went to I could just see this for every act before I go in. Yeah. No, this should be a review. This should be like a roundtable review of everyone's standard comedy show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, you know, David and Margaret. It's just them picking apart. David and Margaret at the comedy. At the apart. David and Margaret at the comedy. At the comedy. Not doing any of the punchlines. Just describing in vague forms like a little sort of synopsis. Well, I disagree, Carl. I thought it was dog shit.

So that's the synopsis. Then is the summation. I have about half an hour of really solid material that I think works. Nice. I've been rehearsing a lot and I'm just looking for my first gig. It's like, well, you've said all that. Oh, no. So hasn't done a gig.

Never done a gig. Okay. It's just that's so I assume that's half an hour's worth of material. Wait, is this his first gig? This podcast? Yeah. Yes. This is his debut.

He's getting a few laughs. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we're punching it up, I'd say. But yeah, we're a co-writer on some of this. Yep. The next message. So then I don't reply. The next message.

You don't reply. Yeah. Next message. Also. Next message. Also, I'm moving to Sardinia at the end of this financial year. Okay. Yeah.

All right. Great. Now, is that part of the bit? Or is this just like, hey, better book me quick because I'm not going to be around forever. Well, you're reading ahead. I'm moving to Sardinia at the end of this financial year. I know it sounds fishy, but it's the truth.

Okay. All right, Kylo, you've won me over. All right, so on Facebook, the only Kylo Zen I can find is the delivery man at Food Panda. That could actually be this person very easily. I'm surprised I got a job that good off the back of this. Delivering sardines on the back of this little motorbike.

Yeah. Now, next message. I could show you my routine, all of it properly first. I'm just looking to find a comedy club that lets beginners try out please please please help me out and i at this point tommy's not here to make laugh anymore i've had to get real you've gotten bored yeah because this is now three in a row with no

response like he sent the essay he sent the sardinia follow-up then the fishy then the then the plea right and then i've said sorry we're not an open mic then he's gone can I show you my act and if you like it take it from there I can come down and meet you

if you like what you see take it from there hang on if you don't I'm gone I'm like can't I already skip the head to the bit where you're gone

no but that means because he doesn't have clips he wants to perform it To you in person That's not the first time This has happened Yeah

People are that unhinged They want to do stand up comedy To one person Well I think the only thing For this is He's the next contestant On The Yarn I think so

Yeah yeah yeah I think so completely We haven't even finished Oh there's more Yeah there's more Oh right So that's There's the three-part plea.

Can I show you my act? I'll come down and meet you. If you don't like it, I'm gone. I really want to make this work. I'm keeping a positive mindset, but if this doesn't work, there's plenty more fish in the sea at the moment. So we're keeping on the fish sort of thing. I don't even think he thought of that pun.

I think that was just a coincidence. I'd love if your thing at the start of this was like, oh, I guess I'll have to find the text was all just a ruse and this guy's actually waiting out the front of my house to come in and do the act for us live. So that all happened. So that happened weeks ago now, right? And then I remembered about it.

And I hadn't responded to any of that for two weeks. Great. So then I respond out of the blue just a couple of days ago and just write, this is sounding good. And then the immediate reply is, who are you? Wow. Okay. Okay. Interesting.

So they've immediately forgotten that entire plea about Sardinia, about sardines. He's deleted the whole thread. Yeah. Maybe. And just this is a random number saying this is sounding good. Yes. The positive attitude.

It's a positive attitude. Because he's got nothing off. Yeah. And he's like, I'm done. I'm done. He was standing on the edge of the cliff when you messaged him. And he's like, what? Yeah.

He's throwing himself off. He's left the phone for his mum. Yeah. Suicide note. His mum on the phone. And this is his mum replying, saying, who are you? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Because he said, I'm gone. And then he's gone. There's plenty more fish in the sea. And I'm about to throw myself into you oh my god because he said I'm gone and he's gone there's plenty more fish in the sea and I'm about to throw myself into the ocean Sardinia was the

name for the afterlife sleeping with the Sardinians wow so did you write back to that no

we all knew one day you'd push someone to suicide I just hoped I knew the name of him. I didn't think it would be this funny. We lost next year's Melbourne Comedy Festival winner.

So this has been another two weeks since. Do I reply two weeks later and say who I am? I think so. Yeah, definitely. Who am I then? Who are you? Is it Kyle Comedy? What was the...

I've been doing a bit about sardines and I heard you've got one. I want to make sure it's not the same bitch. It's Mr. Comedy. Mr. Comedy, yeah. It's Mr. Comedy. I kind of run comedy in this town. Yep. If you want to work here.

I'm the sheriff of comedy. Yeah, in this town. And we have a sardine space hole in our lineup this week. Here we go. Now this is bully. No, here's the thing. If you do book him, you've got to tell me. I want to come down.

You've got to put on a one-night sardine special. Just Wednesday night at the basement comedy club you book like four other people to come down and do their best fish based gear exactly

have this guy do his sardine you'd be like what is going on why has everyone got sardine with you and why is this venue so small

because it's a concept night get it what's that smell it's comedy no it? What's that smell? It's comedy. No, it stinks. It's comedy.

Yeah, you get it. All right. Well, all right. I've just sent that message back. Let's see what we get. We got a bit of time. Yeah. Yeah.

So the next thing I need to say to you about is because you come from Perth, Perth comment. We are doing a show in, a live podcast in Perth in a couple of months. In what, two, maybe two months or something like that? Something like that. Where do you guys do it

when you go there? We are going, one of these venues that changed their names. Linot's Lounge. The old Rosio Grady's. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's changed. Oh, that's right. It did change its name. In Northbridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a beautiful main street. Have they refurbished it or is it the same kind of thing? I believe so. I think so, yeah's right. It did change its name. In Northbridge. Yeah, yeah. In a beautiful main street. Have they refurbished it or is it the same? I believe so.

I think so, yeah. Yeah. Let's be very positive about it, given that we haven't done the gig there yet. And let's say yes. Okay, cool. It's a beautiful... Complete refurb.

But you guys do well in Perth. Like, you set out there. Yeah, yeah. It's not like an athlete thing where everyone's struggling for ticket sales or something. No. Yeah, yeah. Perth show up.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Perth are all right. But, of course, as we talk about, like, all the good comedians that come out of Perth come out of Perth and leave. There's all the good ones like you and... Mike G. Yeah, all solid comics move away from Perth, don't stay there. So when we come to Perth, a lot of the times we really this is what we actually do

we try and organise to go there when we know some of our friends are going to be there for other gigs or we in fact do their work for them

and go and hit up a comedy club and go can you book this person I think he's really good he just happens I think he'd be really good on November the 4th

or whenever the fuck we're going there and then it's like oh great he's in town for when we're doing our show. He's got to just kill the sardine bit. He should have it. Johnny loves the sardine bit. We really need this guy for two minutes of our live pod. So can you have him headline?

Yeah, so sometimes it gets a bit hard to find people that want to come over and do all that sort of stuff. And the only other option is to book Perth comedians, which, you know want to come over and do all that sort of stuff and and the only other option is to birth is to book perth comedians which you know options a strong word yeah well woofie yeah i mean look even the good ones are fucked in the head so yeah we can't even book him it just makes a mess of our show so so i started i started thinking you know what i'll i did some research this week i thought we're coming up we we we, you know what, I did some research this week and I thought we're coming up. We've booked a couple of comics to be there. We know some people that we really like that are going to be over there

at the same time. Cool. But we have like maybe a spot left. I thought, you know what, it would be great if we could get someone. We don't have to fly them over. We don't have to hook them up with a gig while they're there. Who's some people on the ground that we can hire maybe to be a guest on our show while we're in Perth?

So I googled hiring Perth comedians and I found quite a few good options, I think. Oh, great. So I found this website. Okay. Yeah, I found this website, results for comedians in Perth. Yep. You know, look, at the website, Perth Professional Entertainment Services. That's what we want.

Great. We're a professional operation. All of those things. We need someone in Perth. And entertainment. Yeah. what we want. Great. We're a professional operation. All of those things. We need someone in Perth. Yeah. And services. We need a service. We need someone professional and we need entertainment.

Yep. So, bang. Here's our... This is just... You could just smash I'm Feeling Lucky on that one. Yeah. It'll be famous, Sharon, every time. Your search has returned 21 results for comedians in Perth.

Okay. 21. That's good. Yeah. Here we go. 21, that's good. Here we go. Number one that's got the most reviews by far, Austin Powers. Austin Powers?

Austin Powers. He's from Perth. That's a big get. That's where that accent's from. That's where he got the money from that time machine, was working the mines. Now look, I don't mean to spoil things I do not believe

this is the actual Austin Powers I think this is an impersonator this might just be a guy dressing up as Austin Powers I think it may be

as opposed to the actual person what's funny about Perth is that guy probably makes more money yeah as an Austin Powers

impersonator than all of us have ever done in comedy absolutely guaranteed put it this way out of all the results here

he is everyone else has no reviews he has 28 there we go see they're all corporations they're all mining industry he's like easily 5000 a gig yeah yeah yeah

yeah baby feeling the need feeling the need to review Austin Powers. He's so funny. Oh, is it a four-star performance or a five-star performance? Yes. Now, well, look, they're all five stars. I read the reviews.

Yep. Now, it's a shame. I think they've really only cherry-picked it and put up the five-star review. I've got to say, if I get an Austin Powers and he's not trying to shag me, I'm not giving him five stars. He's not committing to the bid if he doesn't try and ruin it. Well, I don't think there's any sexual harassment claims in Perth. I think that's not a thing.

They don't exist there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's all happening. I believe he comes along with Felicity. The legal defense is you go, oh, behave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this was one of the reviews

now look I don't know if his performance has aged well because some of these are you know it's birth

they just got the movie yeah on DVD a lot of these are getting along in years the reviews but this is from

May 2014. Okay. Five stars. Was very good, but it was hard to judge as we only had three people turn up to our function. Well, that's not his fault. That's like the comedy festival where you've been like, oh, it's hard to get a park out the front of the venue.

It's nothing to do with me. Well, that's why he's given five stars. I think that's generous. Imagine him driving home to his family. How was the gig, Dad? Oh, it was rough. Man, I mean, because, you know, like with comedy, you know, your laughs, if you've got a big crowd, the laughs go on for a while.

Yeah, yeah. There's a lot more energy in the room. Imagine popping out. How many times can you say, oh, behave to 20 people? Yeah. I got through my groovies in five minutes. It's only a 20-minute act. Also, he brings along Felicity Shagwell, so the performers nearly outnumbered the greats. Oh, wow.

Have I told this on the pod? I think I might have told you this. A friend of mine a couple of years ago was at a Christmas party. It was like a client's Christmas party, so not his direct office. And it was like really stuffy workplace, like older people work there. And they had an Austin Powers impersonator come out and like the music's playing and everyone in the room's just like, these are people that would have been too old for the films when they came

out. Like it's just, they've, they've completely missed it. Right. And so he comes out and he's doing the sort of shtick up the front and he goes, and there's like the,

the head guy, like the boss of this company, like he's sitting up near the front with his daughter and he goes, oh, you're a piece of all right. How old are you, sweetheart? And hands her the mic and she goes, 16. And everyone in the room just shuts down immediately. In Perth, five stars. Yeah, exactly.

I love the HR manager who's like, that's a good choice for this event. Yeah. My friend was like, this is bombing so hard. And then he was talking to the lady afterwards who booked it. And she's like, I think that went quite well. Yeah, of course she does. He's like, he tried to fuck the boss's teenage daughter. Yeah.

That's when you want to know who they had the year before though that was cool in the 60s that was fine yeah yeah totally you should have seen what Borat

did last year well speaking of number two on the list Borat okay great because this goes back to we wanted we wanted to try

and get a Borat for the 500th episode now well now we have our chance yeah might not be booked out

he's he's well I don't think he will be. He has no reviews. Zero reviews. Yeah, zero reviews. But I do think this is interesting in that they've made sure that you know the name of this person is Borat Impersonator, whereas Austin Powers was just Austin Powers. Straight up Austin Powers.

That is straight up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they've even described him, in case you don't know what Borat Impersonator can bring to your function. Yep. Borat, Central Asian Euro character. All right. It's nice that they got the geography right.

That's the version when you- Kazakhstan, yeah. Yeah, when you go into the $2 shop and there's like the Borat costume, but they haven't wanted to like put that on the cover. Exactly. That's what they call him. Instead of like Spider-Man, they go Arachnic Person.

Central Asian Euro character. Does it say on the website what they cost? No, but we can request. Request a quote. No, I don't want to request a quote yet because we haven't gone through the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Borat, Central Asian Euro character, news reporter

Hollywood themed brackets can be slightly more risque if required oh it requires we require

because I feel like that's the toughest thing about being the Borat impersonator yeah is that probably what you assume your default is

is like the grey suit yeah but I reckon 80% of the requests you're getting are like we need you in the mankini that's a non-negotiable yeah which i think we would be wanting i don't know i think he needs to do an encore he would potentially do the encore in the mankini yeah yeah yeah i want the suit as

well i don't mind that at all yeah yeah because once you do the mankini you start at 11 yeah you want to okay you want to you just open with your second best there we go that's comedy that's Perth comedy we all forgot the rule sorry actually that's not Perth comedy

Perth comedy is open with your second worst if you ever open that's good alright so there's two on the table now let's

let's rattle through the other options they're two big ones but and let me say Borat Imp impersonator has an awful strong resemblance to Austin Powers, shall we say. Oh, nice. Okay. Number three on the list, big chief like a nookie.

Oh, yes. Native American Indian chief character. Sick. And again, shall I say, very strong resemblance to Austin Powers and Borat. Oh, okay. Sorry, Borat impersonator. Okay. Captain Jack Sparrow.

Nice. A real resemblance running through this entire website at this point. Well, this is good for us. We could imagine just getting all of these guys. Just go, yeah. I got a strong feeling you would be triple charged for all of this. Yeah. That's the thing.

Dame Edna impersonator. Okay. Hello possums. That's what they've led with here. Do you think he's ever like his brain just gets scrambled and he forgets which costume he's in? Hello possums, baby. Comes out as the chief.

How? Hello possums, baby. He's like, comes out as the chief. How? Hello, possums. Possums. Oh, he went for it. You can work for this company. I'm impersonating a Perth impersonator. You're impersonating a personator. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay. Now, then we rattle through these. Elvis impersonator, lovely. Gene Simmons impersonator. Hal Capone impersonator. Not going with Al Capone. Again, like the costume shop. Just in case they're being sued by Big Al Capone.

Al Capone Incorporated. The Al Capone estate will come. How's Elvis coming in beneath the Chief? Well, you know there's one I'm surprised isn't there. Well, we haven't gone through it yet. Yeah, so far. But I'll wait. Okay.

All right, you have it on your bingo card and we'll see. Because, look, I reckon I could, I mean, we could turn this into a game where you could all have a couple of choices of who the rest of the impersonators are. Oh, which are the characters? Yeah. Why don't you have two each? Cool. See if any of them come up on this bingo card.

All right. I've got mine. I'll go first. Yep. Ron Burgundy. No. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a big one.

That's a big one on Family Feud. Hey, if you're listening in Perth, there's an opening. You can be. Absolutely. The premier and command. You are dead right. We might fly you over to this Perth gig. Just looking up this website and starting up a competitor

of just all the ones they don't have. So it's like Ron Burgundy, Big Bird. Yeah. Slim Pickens. Yeah, yeah. What about the- That's a great suggestion though Great

You know the character Shane Jacobson played The Donnie Yeah Kenny Kenny Oh wow that's one out of left field But unfortunately I got another one then

Yep Napoleon Dynamite Oh that's You are great at this But But not on there You're better than Perth at this Yeah

But that's a great one Your wife's from Perth She is from Perth I think someone's thinking About Yeah, but that's a great one. Your wife's from Perth, you know? She is from Perth. I think someone's thinking about moving back. Maybe move back. Cleaning up. Do the Xavier Michaelides and move back and just clean up.

On the impression circuit. I think there's another comedy mining boom about to happen. Thanks to Josh Earle. Oh, they don't have a Chris Rock on there. Interesting. Would you like any choices? Let me think. Super Mario.

No. No. Now you're just looking around the room at this point. Yeah. Lamp. I can't think of... Yeah, outside of like Austin Powers and Borat, I feel like those really are.

If you want an impersonator at your thing, those are the big two. There were some very odd choices about to come up. Marilyn Monroe. No. No, that bloke can't dress up. Richard Nixon. No, they don't want that at their 40th birthday.

Joker. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, no. We've got a James Bond. Oh, of course, yeah. I mean, James Bond. This guy is just in a tux.

That's all he is. All the James Bonds are so, like, that could sort of mean anything, really. Yeah. It's just a bloke in a tux. And a martini glass, I'm sure that's what it is. It doesn't look like he's got a resemblance to any of the James Bonds. And also, who wants to, for your function, hire James Bond? Yeah.

What does James Bond do? I like the idea that you get the James Bond he tries to fuck your wife but Saul was the other guy kills your boss yeah you get the James Bond to come in

just for a bit of context and then you get the Austin Powers just so the parody really lands but also you've got to keep in mind I mean the reason

I'm reading all of these out is this is a pitch for the third guest on our live yeah I know yeah yeah yeah alright so God almighty why people would want these people but here we go I'm reading all of these out is this is a pitch for the third guest on our live. Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So, God almighty,

why people would want these people, but here we go. Jamie Oliver impersonator. Oh, nice. There was a Jamie Oliver restaurant in Perth briefly.

Yes. And maybe this guy was like, this is my chance. The golden era of Jamie Oliver in WA. The Jamie Oliver restaurant closed down,

but the impersonator hasn't. Maybe he's the reason. Look, I just think it's yet another string to the bow of a certain Borat impersonator, to be honest. Now that the restaurant's not there, he could do like a Fawlty Towers dining experience kind of thing. Do like a fake Jamie Oliver dining experience restaurant. Didn't they win a fucking award at one point?

I think Birth Fringe or something. They won the comedy award. Yeah, they always get five-star reviews. Everyone's like, how the fuck did they win an award? It's a great show. It's been going for 20 years. You know why? Because the newspapers send out people that aren't qualified to review comedy.

So they sent the food reviewer out and went, this is the best show by far. I got dinner. Yeah, yeah. The only show I got dinner at was hilarious. Yeah, I didn't. Fucking Hughsey didn't even give me a banana. Jamie Oliver impersonator. John Howard impersonator.

But again, not going by John Howard. John Howe Odd. Oh, okay. That is good. Okay. I like that, to be honest. Who needs the prime minister from fucking 60 prime ministers ago? Who needs that to happen?

Maybe a certain podcast. Yes. If that is a little dated for your... I mean, look, that would be in my wheelhouse. I remember when he was in charge. Yeah, me too. Robert, you don't. No, I remember.

As much. Here's more something for your wheelhouse. Kevin Rudd in person. Okay. All right. But just a name? Yeah. No, just Kevin Rudd.

Kevin Rudd. Kevin. Okay. All right. Just a name? No, just Kevin Rudd. Kevin Rudd. Kevin. Yeah. Rudd. I think they thought John Howell was a little bit more litigious than Kevin Rudd was. Sure. So we could hire him to see if he truly will turn gay for his wife. Yes.

Nice. On the podcast. Yeah. Again, some very familiar faces popping up here that just have different wigs on. But anyway, Mad Hatter impersonator. Oh, okay. Yep, from the Johnny Depp version, Alison in Wonderland. One bloke has got a very big wardrobe in Perth.

Absolutely. On this thing then, Willy Wonka. Is he on there? Ding, ding, ding, ding. Got it. He loves Johnny Depp, this guy. You win, Josh. You get to have sex with Austin Powers.

He's your opening act at the next comedy festival. You get to play strip poker with Borat. Just the one piece of clothing, the mankini. You get to take it off and suck off Borat. Borat impersonated me. I'm sorry, Borat impersonated me. Allegedly. All right, so let's...ated me. Allegedly. Yeah. All right.

So let's, these ones. Then we have Manhattan. We have Nugget Flanagan. I believe that's just a made-up character. This is always the best. I'm assuming that's going to be an Irish character. No, it's a gold prospect character. This is the best when there's just like, yeah,

you can have Austin Powers Dame Edna and then it's like and here's a couple of originals it's like bro who is hiring that like yes

and this is the same guy again so this is just he's freestyling he's gone you know what I'm having to pay potentially too much

royalties to the estate of fucking you know Disney or whoever sure yeah yeah this is at the costume shop they've gone

alright you've got all these but we've also got a bag of just novelty stuff. Just wear that. It's in the sale bin and he's like,

I'll find it. We have the hat from Indiana Jones but nothing else. He's like, fuck, I've got to dry Zabon at home. And I've got a panted shirt. This is Nugget Flanagan. This same guy does

Ringmaster impersonator. Now, we have... Ringmaster. I don't know what that is but anyway we're all laughing this guy owns

two houses and an investment apartment yeah he'll say no to doing the pod because it's not a big enough yeah

you can't afford him now we've got two left that I would like for you I'd like to do a guessing game oh okay sure

right now two left we have the first one yep I would like you to a guessing game. Oh, okay, sure. Right. Now, two left. We have the first one. Yep. I would like you to try and guess the most obscure lead character from a movie you can. I'd like you each to guess one.

I cannot imagine why anyone would hire this movie character for anything. Or even remember the movie. Okay. Can you give us a decade that the movie came out in? I think it was around 10, let's say about 10 years ago. 10 years ago. 10 years ago. Comedy movie?

Technically, yes. Okay. Yes. 10 years ago. That's what it goes under at the video shop. Little Nicky. That's not bad. I personally would love that.

Okay, I think I got one. Forrest Gump. That's another great suggestion. All better ideas than this one. Josh, you've got a nice little golden touch. From 10 years ago, a comedy film. You've got a golden touch here. I've got faith in you. It's under comedy, but it's not necessarily a comedy. No, no. That was more of a nice little golden touch. From 10 years ago, a comedy film. You've got a golden touch here. I've got faith in you.

It's under comedy, but it's not necessarily a comedy. No, no. That was more of a cheeky little review. That's some editorialising going on. It's a comedy movie. Sorry. Take that away. It's a comedy movie.

I'm heavily implying it wasn't a very good one. Seth Rogen from Knocked Up. That's an interesting pronunciation. Rogen? Rogen. Seth Rogain. Seth Rogan. Seth Rogan from Knocked Up. That's an interesting pronunciation. Rogan? Rogan. Seth Rogan. Seth Rogan from Knocked Up. How do you even dress like that?

You just get a curly wig. Okay. Oh, that's incredible. Look, I thought you were really good at this game until now. The answer is, and the clues were all through this, the answer is The Love Guru. Oh, sure. Fantastic. You can is The Love Guru. Oh, sure. You can hire The Love Guru for your event and possibly for your live podcast.

For both the viewers of that movie. Yeah. Like, finally. Yeah. Yeah. So you can get The Love Guru. That's funny that it's, like, specifically The Love Guru when there's, like, other just broad boilerplate characters in there. You know, they haven't just gone like, Guru Man.

Right, right. It's like, no, no, no, we've got to cash in on the name. Does he – I've never seen it. Does he brown up a bit? This man doesn't. It's the same guy again. Yeah. He's got a big – I believe he might be using the same fake mustache

and beard as the ringmaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Allegedly, we don't want to... No, no, no. I don't want to say all costumes look the same. So look, I don't know what you think of... That's the full list? There's one left.

There's one left. So out of all of those characters, there's one person who is definitely... Fuck, you're in heaven right now, aren't you? I know, right? I'm playing the ringmaster himself. There is one person who is definitely, In the middle of all of those characters There's one person who's definitely not played

By that one guy Would you like to guess that person? Yeah, yeah, great, okay I'll guess Princess Diana No Fat Albert No

Famous Sharon No Impersonated. You're the closest one. Mike Goldstein. Now, having said that, I don't know if it's the real Mike Goldstein or whether it's an impersonator. Mike is even a Jew face.

Because this is a Perth website and he's moved to Melbourne, so I don't know whether this is a Perth website And he's moved to Melbourne So I don't know whether this is the Perth version of Mike Goldstein We've got to find out You've got to put through You've got to put through an email to this website And be like we really want Mike Goldstein for our event And see what they say

And see if you hear anything from Mike about it Let's test how these people operate You've seen Mike with those videos from like back when he was performing with that farting guy? Oh, Mr. Methane. Yeah. Maybe this is how they booked him.

God, I'd love to get him on the pod. Mr. Methane. Mr. Methane, yeah. I always thought he was Australian. He's not. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Fuck, if he's on the pod,

can we mark the microphone? Yeah. Burn it off to work. Okay, so... So, look, I'm messaging about Mike Goldstein. Message about Mike Goldstein. Who we think... And then I feel like they're going to go,

it's a bit hard to get Mike Goldstein, Channel 9 celebrity now, lives in a different city, it's going to cost you too much, but we can offer you, as a consolation, Austin Powers. Oh, Jewish comedian. Juman. I got a feeling we're going to have, we're going to turn up to our podcast and go,

is Mike Goldstein really known for wearing a mankini? What's going on here? Are we? Yeah, I mean, look, if it's an honest question, like if you're wanting an actual answer about who I want off that list. Yes. Austin Powers, baby. Austin Powers.

I want Austin Powers on the podcast, baby. Yeah. More than Borat? More than Borat, I reckon. More than Borat. I reckon Borat, like him coming out. More than Big Chief like a nookie? I'm just thinking.

That's a hard one because I would prefer that first. Well, also, I quite like the idea of the love guru but i think it's going to run thin within five seconds i think it's a big laugh to start with yeah what else you got not much yeah i'm thinking like flanagan oh yeah what's the bit there how long like how long can you stretch out the idea for gold prospect i reckon he's got a whole like that he's got all the backstory in the lore like ready to go I think like Borat coming out

is probably like the most impressive entrance yes but in terms of interviewing on the pod yeah I think Austin Powers it's like

give us your top 10 shags of all time he's gonna bring the content for us Borat I don't think we're gonna get much out of on the like Austin Powers in terms of

it translating into the audio medium I think he's the better I think he's the better guest what do you think what do you think Josh I think I'm gonna agree with Tommy really out of on the mic. Austin Powers in terms of it translating into the audio medium, I think he's the better guest. What do you think, Josh? I think I'll agree with Tommy. Really? Austin Powers, just for a chat, I reckon it'd be better than – Borat's going to take over.

This would be a hell of an episode. I've seen interviews with Borat. He takes over the interviews. I know, but it's great. This would be a hell of an ep of Graham Norton. Tonight we've got Austin Powers, Borat, and an Indian chief. Wow, the three of them just hanging out.

This is so cool. And Mike Goldstein. Special. Mike Goldstein. Are there four of them in the one room? This is crazy. I like how Graham Norton

they couldn't get their rights to big chief. Yeah. Like a nookie. He's just the Indian chief over there. Oh, okay. I'll put through a quote

I'll put through a quote You know what Ask for a quote On my gold scene I'll ask for a quote On my gold scene I'll ask for a quote On Austin and Borat

Just to see if there's Any price difference Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah And do we have an update from any Sardine update? We do not. We do not. Oh, he has killed himself. He's in a writer's workshop.

Okay. Yeah, no, it's just been delivered. Nothing? Okay. All right. That's all. Well, we'd better wrap it up there for another week. Hopefully, yeah, we can come back next time and get this quote.

Find out what Mike Goldstein and Austin Powers are really worth. That's it. And just letting you know, Perth, this is – I mean, you can let us know on the socials who you want to see out of those people as well. I mean, you guys are the ones buying tickets to come and see. It's not just entertaining us up on stage. Who do you want to see?

Yeah, good point. I mean, sorry, not who do you want to see. Which version of this one fucking cunt do you want to see up there? Which costume are you getting us to get him to put in the booth? You're definitely seeing this one guy. In what guise do you want him? I have this vision of he's retired and then the email comes through and he's like, one more job.

I mean, the dream is... Dust off the Austin Powers wig. Honestly, I think if they if the honestly I think if they write back and they're like it's not gonna work with Goldstein if we could get

this guy to do a Goldstein oh my god that's the dream send him some video clips get a blue t-shirt for him

yeah yeah he dresses the same yeah yeah alright that's his simplest costume yeah

and a moustache alright well thanks Josh And thanks Sammy For joining us Thank you Things you'd like to plug I'm doing some live shows In Melbourne of

Don't You Know Who I Am In November So if you're in Melbourne Come along Sundays At the Catfish Sick Check that out Sammy

Yeah I've got a podcast News Weekly W-E-A-K-L-Y Which I say every time. It's a new satire podcast. It comes out every Friday, 15 minutes of comedy. Great. Check all that out.

Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, Bernie. Delayed by three hours because Bernie's in Perth at the moment. Oh, right. But he has kicked a big one. He's kicked it over the nuller ball.

Yep. And back over here. That's a big kick. That is a big kick. It's a big kick. I didn't say it wasn't. There's a lot of patches where that ball is not going to be getting much phone reception. No, that's right.

Stranded. So if it falls down, then it's stuck forever. It's getting some pretty poor food on the way back home. Yeah. It's a pretty bad sort of, what do you call them? Roadhouse. Roadhouse. Roadhouse food.

Roadhouse. Yeah. I wouldn't like to be Bernie right now. No. Trying to get lunch. No. But great app. Yep.

Good sizzle for Perth of course yeah for the Perth show if you've look we're

still two months out or whatever it is as time of recording we're about two months

out if you want to get a ticket it's at our website it's at little

dumb club you can go there to sign up for patreon you can

go there to grab a ticket you can get a t-shirt if you want

exactly but yeah we are doing a show in Perth on Saturday you can go there to sign up for Patreon. You can go there to grab a ticket. You can get a T-shirt if you want. But, yeah, we are doing a show in Perth on Saturday, November the... Fourth. Fourth at whatever the fuck the venue we said was. Linot's Lounge. Linot's Lounge. Linot's Lounge. No one's written in to let us know what the pronunciation is, so I guess we'll just keep doing both until we hear confirmation.

Linot's Lounge is certainly hitting me up every week going, can we have a poster for this gig, of which I have not replied. So they're keen. But, yeah, if you're in Perth, two months to go, grab a ticket. We will have, as you heard today, a very special guest hopefully involved. TB. TBC. TBC.

TB voted on. Yes, yes. Let us know Via the socials Who you want to see up there Out of those fantastic Very famous names Yeah

Of course The actual names Will not be there But a very Perth's version of a great facsimile Will be there Yeah That's good value for money

Yeah That's great value for money Getting to see like Austin Powers or Borat Yeah For the cost of a ticket to a podcast. I know. You'd have to normally go to a really shitly organized function for some fucking work Christmas

breakup party. Or like Main Street of Warner Brothers Movie World. Yes. Can you tell me in 2023 what function is Austinin powers getting hired for in perth let alone the love guru yeah i'd love to know how many people have gotten the love guru do you reckon he's ever had to chuck that costume on for a public appearance that guy i reckon the austin powers is getting a run for like corporate parties. I can understand that. The Love Guru, though, I really fail to see how that's ever getting wheeled out.

I reckon he's being wheeled out as Indian Man at a party or something like that. Not even the Love Guru. What's the percentage of being at a function and then having people go, Oh, the Love Guru's here. I remember that film. The guy from the Love Guru's here. Oh, the love guru. I remember that film. The guy from the love guru is here. Yeah, I did think it was weird that you screened the film for an hour and a half before the function kicked off. But it makes sense now.

With a big subtitle, context. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to pay attention to this. Trust me, this will become relevant. This will come up on a test later. Yeah. Well, I guess we'll find out. We'll find out.

Maybe we can ask Austin Powers all these sorts of questions. Maybe if we accidentally spill a drink on him, he'll have to use his change of clothes and all of a sudden he might have a double booking. If we spill a drink on his wig, he's going to have to go and get the Love Guru kit out of the car. That would be funny. Break in case of emergency. That would be funny. Breaking case of emergency.

That would be funny. Austin Powers pisses his pants. Yeah. And all of a sudden he has to be Borat. Yeah. Well, I'm doing my solo show the night before at Oasis Comedy Club on November the 3rd. And which guest is going to be there? Well, that's it.

Maybe whichever one we don't get for the pod. I'll just get our B b side to turn up to my show and uh great do a little section in that maybe i'll write a little bit for yeah whoever um mike goldstein yeah that would be the most helpful exactly genuinely yeah yeah um so yeah looking forward to being over there in wa but of course the home of comedy you don't have to be in wa to enjoy some premium content you can get onto patreon.com you can keep listening to us right now if you want you can get onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club and get two bonus episodes per week little

mini episodes with special guests and you may be about to hear your name being read out live on the air wow well i mean it's live now for us. For everyone else, it's not live. Yeah. But in this moment for us, we don't know what's going to happen next. Isn't that exciting? We haven't pre-recorded this bit. No.

As we're in the room. Live to tape. Yeah. We're about to do this. We don't do multiple takes of it. No. If we get it wrong. No.

Everything stays in. We don't just sit there in your spare room look at each other and just hit play we're saying this right now yeah exactly it's it's pretty freaky um all right let's let's do this um thank you very much to everyone who subscribes to patreon.com slash little diamond club you can go onto our website and hit the button that way you can go straight to the patreon website you can do it whichever way you want but I recommend going to the website

because then you can see episodes you can see we have albums for sale up there we have t-shirts for sale we have live shows

for sale get onto it we also get a commission if you click the Patreon link through our website yeah we earn money off our own Patreon we get 15%

per click we pay ourselves yeah for it um thank you to everyone but in particular this week these these beautiful little patreon read virgins who have never had their names read out in history not even there not even their not at school on the roll no not on the birth registry no nothing um just this this is why people subscribe because they're like, I just want to hear a person say my name. I don't even know what my name is.

For the first time in history. I don't even know. I don't know how to pronounce it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm hoping these guys can solve it. It's written down. S-A-M. Yeah.

Now, where the fuck do you start with that? What's the, how many of those letters are silent? So, we're about to teach you people your name. Yep. All right. Thank you very much patreon subscriber first cab off the rank david edlick david edlick yes david edlick by request by request by request this man uh came to basement comedy club last week and he said and he got his wife

to say not even him oh big man got his big man his wife to say, not even him. Oh, big man. Got his wife. Big man. Got his wife to say, how long does it take before you get your name read out on the show? You think that's cool, do you, David? Getting the miso to fight your battles. Exactly. I'm scared to talk to Carl. Exactly.

And I would have punched this man in the face because it was a woman saying it. I had to punch her in the face. Yeah. So how dare you? Well. How dare you try and get the thing out of us that we've promised you in exchange for a lot of money over the years? No, but I've got to say, that's very hot of you, Mrs. Edlick. Yes.

Mrs. E. To fight your husband's battles. Yeah. Good for you. Did he know that she was asking? They were absolutely side by side. Oh, right. He was cowering behind her.

He kept poking her saying, can you say it please, mummy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you say it, mummy? He was calling her mummy. He was calling her mummy? Yeah, yeah. That's fucked up. That's pretty cool.

Why are we reading this guy out? I don't like this at all. Actually, now that I'm saying all this stuff, we should not be reading it like this because I remembered this is the guy who years ago when I let my website lapse, he then bought my website, carlchandler.com. That guy. And then just started putting up fucking dog shit stuff on my domain name. So these both-

So don't do that again. These both got brought up on the door at Basement. He reminded you of that? Yes. So that was like a sort of subtle threat yes like read it out yes black male let's not say subtle threat right black male black male yeah so he was um he was saying if you don't well again he was saying it through her she had to say it yeah yeah if you don't do this this little man here this spineless little jellyfish next to yeah he is going to put something

fucked up on your website. Right. He's going to put your podcast on there. So she's saying this, the Chuck Wood to David Edlick's Strassman. David Edlick's, David Strassman Edlick. Yeah. That's his middle name. Right, right.

That's his middle name. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's what was happening. Right. There's quite a show within the show. I bet. This is just happening at the door.

Yeah. I'm trying to, there's like a hundred people backed up. The gig hasn't even started yet. We're having this fucking crazy conversation where mini Strazzy's got the fucking wife absolutely at me. Yep. I'm saying, whatever you want, guys, whatever you want me to say, just go into the show and don't put anything

horrible on my website yeah i don't want people i don't want ruining my my famous brand yeah i don't want it what is on your website currently there's there's there's a link to uh nike air jordan shoes yep as as a as a reference to a joke that we had on here from about eight years ago yep there's links to the socials and there is a link to email me yep um which yeah i mean how many email how many email addresses do you have only the one just the one i used to have a second one and then i just let that lapse well that's the thing that's the same deal with this so i don't the idea was you know i've got like a dog ass pox one and then i've got my carl at carl chandler.com.au or whichever one it is one i'm like yeah i'm just gonna move everything over to that yeah And then that absolutely didn't happen.

Yeah. So the only thing I get on that thing is spam and the occasional person who I don't know because they don't know my email address and so they've Googled me, found that and gone, oh, this is the way to get in touch. Yeah. Can I please have five minutes at Spleen?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. That's about all I get off that website. Yeah. And the occasional email saying, are you owed royalties to the show Squinters that was on ABC five years ago for about five seconds? Because I think I'm credited as a writer on there because I wrote some lines on there. I reckon on air I probably got a total of about fucking 17 seconds on air.

And they keep asking me, are you owed royalties to this? I'm like, if I'm owed royalties for 17 seconds of screen time, I would love to see that check. Yeah. I'd fucking love to see that. Yeah, that's cool. Eight cents. I'd believe that would not be the case.

Stick that on the wall. I believe that would not be the case. I'd love it to happen, but I believe that to not be the case. Anyway. Yeah, David Edlick, please don't take that away from me because i need those emails those precious yeah yeah yeah yeah let's you know

what cash those royalty checks i'm i'm going to open up my email address my email right now to see what's in there at the moment i don't check it all the time um official one yeah melt man fat personal one yeah a lot of yeah a Yeah, a lot of fan club emails here. Experience the power of wireless cleaning with Sonoshi. Oh, yeah. Yep. So I don't know what that means, but yep. Screen time, screen royalties for Squinters On The Road Again,

season two, episode one. Oh, yeah. Squinters A Winding Road, season two, episode two. Do you know literally what I wrote for on that show? And people would never have watched it. Do you remember that show? Yeah. It was like a lot of people, Season 2, Episode 2. Do you know literally what I wrote for on that show? And people would never have watched it. Do you remember that show? It was like a lot of people in Sydney. Different people stuck in traffic, right?

Yes. On commutes. Yes. So I wrote a bunch of jokes for the radio station. Oh, yeah. Like that'd be like linking two things together. Yeah. And it was like, oh, there's been a pile up on the fucking A20 and blah, blah, blah.

That sort of stuff. Yeah. So I was writing jokes for that. I just can't imagine getting extra money from doing those. Yeah. From doing such a shithouse little part of a show. Well, if there's royalties too, does that mean it's been sold like it's been sold on to something else?

Maybe? Oh, yeah, maybe. Because I've written for stuff that was ages ago that it's not like I'm regularly getting those emails. Yeah. So that says to me that maybe they've, yeah, maybe it's been sold on to something else or something, I don't know.

Yeah, maybe. I should just, just yeah emails and so yeah what the fuck is going on here um because i've like i had to download the episode of sleuth 101 that i'm in off itunes to rip some of it to put in my festival show yeah and it's like where's that money going you know what i? Like I got paid to do the role. I don't think it was even a thing to buy things on iTunes when I did it. That's how long ago it was. Yeah.

So it's like, where's this going? Shouldn't I get some of this? Yeah. I'm in it. Yeah. Yeah. Also someone's emailed me to say here's how to sell old Mad magazines. Oh, yeah.

That's handy. Yeah. Well, thanks, David. Thanks, David. I hope that was worth the four years that you've waited for it, that you said, and I hope it was worth shilling out your wife. Call off the troops.

Yeah. Shilling out your wife as a standover man, a standover woman. Yep. And really embarrassing myself at my workplace. Yeah. Really made you look like a real pussy. Yep. And really embarrassing myself at my, at my workplace. Yeah. Really made you look like a real pussy. Yeah.

I really, I wet my pants. Yeah. I thought your wife was going to kill me. Yeah. But thankfully we're all square now. Thank you so much. And don't fuck with that website.

I get, I get literally no benefit out of it. I'm just looking at the email going, why do I have this? Why have I got this? Yeah. But anyway. Thank you very much.

Thanks, David. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andrew Cross. Okay. This is the one man more crossed than David was before. It is funny to think like the whole thing of going like, oh, I couldn't possibly just put my personal Yahoo or Gmail out publicly. I need to have a separate official one. And it's like, that's just one other thing to check. Why don't I have them just all in the same fucking thing anyway?

Yeah, it's like Ronnie Chang, RIP, used to say a lot to me. Oh, you do all your business over Facebook? I'm like, yeah. Oh, that's why I'm professional. I don't know, is it? It's just a way of talking to someone. I don't know. But how am I supposed to do it?

On email? How different is that? I don't know. Maybe it is. I just don't care. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I remember starting comedy and having to fucking call people over the landline to do it.

Which it's like in my head, I'm like, I didn't start that long ago. And then it's like, well, that story dates it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I guess it was email and like Facebook messaging someone for a gig is still kind of a relatively recent thing, I think. Like I feel like there were people a long time ago who were like, you can't do it that way. That's pathetic.

And then now it's like that's just the default. Get the group message the day before. Hey, guys, here's the running order. It's like, this is how it's like that's just the default. Get the group message the day before. Hey, guys, here's the running order. It's like this is how it's done now. I was cleaning up. We talked a while ago about my parents selling up the farmhouse. In the Gareth Reynolds, Jen Fricker episode about the filing cabinet, all that sort of stuff, I went up there a couple of weeks ago to do a bit of cleaning up

and I found a lot of – I chucked out a lot of fucking stuff. It's great because, like, my mum's like, oh, this is all really good stuff. Don't you want this? No, it's not. Right. Like what? Just old newspapers and fucking everything.

Like, just everything she's got in her head, this is worth money. Yeah, okay, right, right, right. I thought you meant, like, personal, like, artifacts and memories and stuff. No, no, more just like, at the moment, just concentrating on the bullshit, like books, magazines, videos, you know, whatever it is. Yeah, okay, sure, sure, sure. And it's like, no, this is worth a lot of money. It's absolutely not. But I found, for whatever reason, I kept a bunch of old, like, yeah, like you're saying about finding out about gigs, comedy-wise,

before Facebook and stuff like that, it used to be super hot on, like, street press and there'd be one comedy page in the street press. There was a gig listing in the paper. That's how I found the first gig that I ever did. I just looked up. I'm like, okay. And it was like, hey, here's the number to call. And I was like, hey, can I do this open mic sometime?

And they're like, yep. Well, I found a bunch of them and it was funny because it was like, so that's 15 years old or whatever it is. And I'm like looking at it going, God, how ancient is this? And then I'm looking at the people in the gigs going, oh, some of those people are still at the same level they were on back then. That's good. Yeah.

Cool. Yeah. So, yeah. Remember that? Just being being like what do you mean you haven't registered your gig in street press that's suicide yeah how's anyone gonna find it yeah i remember like emailing going you forgot to put mine in yeah my numbers will go down this week yeah and just like making that call and being like well that's that done that's gonna be people coming in. Which once upon a time, it probably would have been. But I think by the time we started comedy, it wasn't quite that anymore. Maybe. Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe slightly. I find it very hard to tell. I don't know. But Andrew Cross. Cross Andrew. He won't be Cross anymore. No. Now that his name's been read out like this.

He'll be Andrew Happy. Yes. That's good. Yeah. Happy Andrew. There we go. Yeah. I wouldn't want to cross Andrew by not reading his name out.

No. So I haven't. We don't know what this guy's HTML skills are. We don't know if he'd be capable of some kind of David Edlick style retribution. That's it. He might hack into your mainframe next. Yeah. These people are going to bring both of us down and our huge internet presence.

Yeah, exactly. And make us not even that well-known in the world of showbiz. Yeah. They could really bring our profile down. Yeah. We would not appreciate that. We quite like being at the, you know, like in Melbourne comedy, for people that don't live in Melbourne, there's a giant cliff face on the outside of Melbourne and it's like the Mount Rushmore bit of Melbourne comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's just my face, there's Tommy's face. Yep. And then there's these two sort of globes that just have TBC on both of them. Yeah, yeah. They've actually etched them out. Waiting to find the new. TBC. Waiting to find the equals of me and you.

Yep. And a lot of people have tried. It's been there for a while now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And still no one's come close. They've had to go up and glue. They chiseled a few faces out that didn't work out. They've had to go back up and stick some rock back on there to spell it TBC again.

But we're the only ones that have stayed true, stayed up there. Yeah, visit that. It's weird that we don't talk about that more often yeah because it is i think pretty impressive it's the thing that you we just get we're so used to you don't bring it up all the time because it's like oh didn't we talk about that on episode three yeah but i guess it makes sense when you've got that why would you bother keeping your website updated yeah yeah yeah it's like that's the that's the level you want to be at the level of fame like there's no like bradpitt.com you know he's not like hey guys just uh updating my gigs list you can see me in uh once upon a time in america's coming out soon on blu-ray check that out it's like you want to be big enough to be above the internet yeah yeah yeah like there is no need

for me to have a twitter or an inst i I don't think he has anything, does he? He's not on any of that shit. But then again, you know, he's a 60-year-old man or whatever he is. Yeah, well, there's plenty of them still getting on there. Fair enough. And it's funny to think that Brad Pitt is a guy, like you think of him as like this legendary modern-day Robert Redford, icon of acting, of good-looking men,

and then if you went to his house, you'd be like, hey, have you seen this thing on Facebook? modern day Robert Redford, icon of acting, of good looking men. And then if you went to his house, you'd be like, hey, have you seen this thing on Facebook? How do you do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you get on there? I wonder though. I wonder if he has like a burner account. Is Facebook on computers now?

Maybe he is on all those things, but he's just got like a little burner account. Maybe he's deep into it. Maybe he's got a troll account. That would be cool to find out maybe he's getting on angelina jolly's yeah page and going actually ugly that would rule to find out yeah that he just is on their troll and he's like no no i'm tapped in there would be it'd have to be celebrity trolls if he's got a podcast but he just never promoted it anywhere yeah and it's

not on there under his name it's just on it's just on the podcast apps under some weird name and just on the off chance that someone stumbles across it they're like holy shit this is brad pitt just giving his thoughts on everything for an hour each week bill burr style yeah but he just kept it off the grid that would be cool what if you um who do you think would be the biggest, most likely Hollywood star to have a troll account on socials? I mean, I do. Apparently it is common that they'll like, if you're a big celeb, you've got your like one that your people are running. Yeah. But then you've got like a, you've got like a little burner.

Yeah. Where you've just got your mates on it. Yeah. But instead of having like Domi Tassler or whatever, switching the letters around or one of those sort of things, do you reckon there's – is there a famous one? Is there a famous person who's like a secret troll? Can't.

Yeah, I wonder. It's possible. Who do you – Who do I think is the most likely? Who would you pick? I mean, Ronny Chieng just does that under his own name. So it can't be him. Unless he gets even worse under Chonny Rang.

Because it's very high risk. Like let's say you're Tom Cruise and you're just like, you love it. You just love getting on there. You've got some profile that just looks like someone's auntie. You know, the profile is just like fucking Minion memes memes and stuff and then you're just like savaging every movie that comes out you know if if someone somehow at some point did uncover that it's you yeah that's you know that's pretty big that's like big news yes that's gonna look bad for you yes it's incredibly high risk i would love it all so i can't i mean i'm thinking like who's

gonna do that but also be like huge enough of a cunt but also like not care about the risk huge jackman i could say it yeah gets all these his bad mojo out via the yeah yeah yeah you know this nice guy it's like come on mate you can't be that nice all day. Yeah. You've got to have an outlet. Yeah. And it's Jew Hackman. Oh, God. That would be good. Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah.

I might set up that account myself. I might go sniffing around. I might just start adding random accounts. Yeah. Random ass accounts with like 12 followers and being like, come on, man. Cut the shit this is Tom Hanks

isn't it come on Forrest yeah that'll be good that's a good afternoon

well spent well thanks Andrew thanks Andrew thanks um Crossy thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber now I'm gonna make an estimation about what this guy's name is

but his first name's Matt And then within his email address It's got Linko So is that Matt Lincoln? Should we say thank you very much Matt Lincoln To Patreon subscriber Matt Lincoln

I mean why's he got Linko in his email address? You think he's just Given up What his email address is like Doesn't have his full name in it? Okay. I think we say Lincoln. Yeah.

I think we're going to. You know what? It wouldn't be Linko. That's insane. Well, we're doing the best with what you've given us, Linko. Yeah, and you've given us sweet FA. Yeah, you've given us a bit of fucking IKEA work to assemble. Oh, yes.

That's funny. I could go on meatball right now, actually. I brought my daughter to Ikea again on Friday. And she just went for, she just wants to go for mashed potato. Okay. Yeah. It's a good one in there. Yeah.

I'll give her that. Guess what? Big news. Ikea, you'll like this. What? And you know, you've got to know what it is already oh the um drinks machines back on drinks machine is finally it's back that's that's the thing that has convinced me that the pandemic's over yeah now that ikea have turned the drinks

machine back on yeah that was the that was the final that was the final bridge it was a good look for me because i i went there i've been going there a bit lately and i went there and i saw the drinks machine there and I was like, I think that might be on. I think that's back on. Like I think it's been – You had to go in for a little test. Relabeled.

Yeah, so it's just this 47-year-old man without a cup just testing each tap. Yeah, nice. Oh, you had to test all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Just testing them. Not just the one you wanted to see if that's working.

And then just looking really hard at the stickers to go, oh, that's what that is. Yeah, okay. I remember a couple of them I tested twice. Yep. So just a fucking old man sitting there pressing buttons going, yeah, that does look like coke. That's probably why they turned it off in the first place, this kind of behavior. People can't be trusted. Yeah.

They act like animals when they get in front of that little tap. Yeah. Oh, well, that's good to know. I actually do need to get one or two things from Ikea. I was going to order them, but maybe I'll go in. Wait till you're hungry. I'll go in if I can get it. Yeah, wait till I'm hungry and thirsty for a little post-mix treat.

I was a bit worried. We went there a couple of times and they'd gotten rid of the chocolate cake thing they had. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they just had that, you know that thing they've got, Dame Bar? You know that weird. Oh, yeah. D-A-I-M. That weird sort of nutty bar or whatever it is.

And they have a Dame cake in there. They just had that and no chocolate cake anymore. I was like, fuck, I can't eat that. I don't want that. No bueno. No. Yeah. They've got the chocolate mousse in there.

Okay. Which is good. All right. So the dessert bar's pretty good with the chocolate. Thinking you're getting a post-mix and then they're like, you can get a bottle of Coke out of the fridge if you want. It's like, that's a different drink. Yes.

That's a completely different drink. Yes. Not for me. Fuck. I love the post-mix. Yeah, fuck. Post-mix with ice. Mm-hmm.

God. Couldn't think of a better drink. The biggest you can oh absolutely i'm back on it when i go to the movies i was not i've always just been a like raw dog the movies no snack no drink but the last couple of times i've been like i'm gonna get the fucking biggest coke i can get yeah and then piss about eight times during the movie yeah we did i talk about this we went i took i took blanket to the to the movies and it was just not about the movie at all it was just about everything else the snacks what movie um little mermaid oh yeah live action Um, Little Mermaid. Oh yeah. Live action. Yep. A little bit old for her. So that was fine. Slightly.

Yeah. But did she, did she like it? Uh, she liked the experience. Okay. Not as much as the movie. Yeah, okay. She was fine with it, whatever. But it was more about there was literally no one in the movie theatre. Okay.

And she just ran around. Okay, cool. Ate through popcorn and ate it and whatever. And then I was like, okay. Sat there. She got like, it was, it was so, she was like so distracted and whatever. I was like, that's fine. I don't have to watch the movie now.

Yep. And I literally got out my laptop and did work. Oh my God. It was just me sitting there doing work and her running around and hiding under chairs. Hiding from no one. Yep. Okay. A beautiful day for everyone.

Oh, someone's at the door. Yeah. The comedy place. Keep going. All right. Keep going. All right. Keep talking about it. I'll tell you about what my daughter did in a movie theater to me, who already knows. Tommy's had a very rapid knock on the door, I believe.

I wonder what it could be. Is it delivery? I think it's the sperm bank. He's made quite a big order. And, yep, it is. And Tommy's finished the lot of it. Yep. Finished what?

All good? What have you been saying about me? Not thirsty anymore? Oh, was I drinking cum? Oh, very droll. How very, very droll. That's the best. That's the best. That's the best.

Thank God you're here. You're going to see. That is actually a good podcast. Someone talks a bunch of shit about you. You come in off the back of one sentence and then you have to piece together what's been being said. I can't wait to listen back. I can't wait to listen back and find out how right i am oh that's good uh we were you and i were talking off air about how thank god you're here did we say i don't think we we definitely said this off air i can't remember

if we ever said it on the show but um we thank god you're here there should be like the people who are like the guns of it like everyone's like oh hamish blake's doing it again yeah which by the way they were like did you see in the ads they made a big deal they're like hamish blake's back doing thank god you're here for the first time in 14 years it's like it's been off the air yeah no one's done it for 14 years yeah yeah but um it the people who are like just the guns of it they should like handicap them a bit more it's like right before hamish walks in the door they put like a clansman hood on him right it's like oh you're this good at it are you yeah let's see how you go yeah being being prodded into some slurs yeah how are you gonna get your

way out of this one yeah no you're right right. There should be like an expert mode at the end of every episode. Can I have your laptop charger? Can I have that for a minute? Is that all right? You certainly can. Yeah, good. As long as you issue a formal apology about saying that I'm drinking cum. Well, as soon as you prove me wrong, I'll apologize.

Well, I'm not drinking it right now. Yeah, okay. Well, I'll give you that much. Yes, I agree. There should be a handicap. There should be a... Like Hamish walking through the door and they're like, how was it drinking that big glass of cum a second ago?

I'm having to be like, all right. Yep, good on you boys. This is an actual challenge. Normally I just breeze through these scenarios. And every time he says anything, it's like, yeah, yeah, very funny. You drink carbon. Yeah, yeah. Good one.

Just them heckling. Like him being genuinely funny as he is, but then just stepping on his punchline to fuck the whole show up. Shut up. They had him being an astronaut in this one. It's like it's too easy. Oh, no, that was Ross. He was, yeah, but it's like, yeah.

Oh, you're a salesman. What are you selling here today? Oh it's too easy. Oh, no, that was Ross. He was, yeah, but it's like, yeah. Oh, you're a salesman. What are you selling here today? Oh, I'm actually. Oh, shut up. Say the real thing. Stop trying to be funny. Yeah. Yeah, the expert mode.

Too many spiked volleyballs for these cunts. Make it hard. Make it like a, you know. Hey, look, someone it's their first time on You know Give him some softballs Absolutely Nothing but But everyone remembers him As the guy

The genius The god of it Yeah Put some fucking obstacles In his way Yeah put some Fuck with him Turn a few burners on

Underneath him Let's see what happens Try and trick him Into saying the N word On TV That'd be good. I mean, it just reminds me of, guys, I know it's only September. Comedy Festival is a long way away, but the worst of Melbourne comedy is coming up soon.

Oh, is it really? Next Comedy Festival, I think. What about this? Now, we've talked about this, Hungry Jack's comedy. Oh, yeah. I was thinking thinking what if what if i what if i do worst of melbourne comedy at hungry jacks okay does that work or do they have to be two separate things um i don't care i'm too deep in i don't know i don't i'm a bad person to

ask yeah okay fair enough i mean i think just by putting on a gig at hungry jacks that's gonna end up being the worst comedy Hobbit comedy anyway. So it's kind of, you know. It's a bit of a waste. All right, well, thanks, Linko. Thanks, Matt Lincoln. Thanks, Matt Lincoln. Thank you very much for subscribing to Patreon,

our very next subscriber. Thank you to Michael Oud. O-U-D. Oh, yeah, I see this guy pop up a bit. Oud. O-U-D. Oh, yeah. I see this guy pop up a bit. Oud. Oud? I'm going to say Oud.

Oud. Oud. Oh, maybe that's it. Michael Oud. Because there is like a musical instrument that's something like that. It's spelt something like that. And I remember it's pronounced something like that. Oud.

Oud. Yeah. Okay. Maybe that's it. Michael Oud. Michael Oud. Oud. Yeah. Okay. Maybe that's it. Michael Oud. Are you happy having a listener called Oud? Michael Oud. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess so. It's a weird one, I've got to say. It's one where I had to check to make sure that you hadn't subscribed before. There we go. It's a musical instrument. Like I said. The Oud. The Oud is a short neck lute type pear shaped fret's a musical instrument. Like I said. The oud. The oud is a short neck, lute type, pear shaped, fretless stringed instrument.

Usually with 11 strings grouped in 6 courses. But some models have 5 or 7 courses with 10 or 13 strings respectively. It's pronounced oud. I know that. Okay. Yeah. Known as the wood of the gods, oud's significant is spiritual. Oh no, that's a fucking different thing.

So this MF's named after a musical instrument. It's named after a, well, I'm not going to say the fucking description again, but a short neck lute type flute. Maybe I am. Yeah, a stringed instrument. Yeah. Okay. It's Arabic.

And it comes from a long time ago, Tommy. Okay. Interesting. So that was his ancestor. Yeah, Tommy. Okay. Interesting. So that was his ancestor. Yeah. A musical instrument. Yeah. He's great, great, great, great, great grandfather.

Was a short neck, lute type, pear shaped, fretless stringed instrument. Cool. Okay. And then it went bareback inside a violin. And then one thing led to another thousands of years later. And fucking this cunt rocked up at the hospital one day. Yeah. And then he listened to this podcast.

Mm-hmm. And then he gave us money and then I took my part of it and went and bought a fucking, went to Ikea and bought a dame. A dame. Dessert that tasted like shit. Oh, it was no good? The dame didn't do it for you? I don't like it.

It's like, there's too much going on with it. Yeah. I didn't like it. I often say about you that you're not a fan of the dames. That's not bad. That's all right. That's all right. That's good.

If you had Ben Russell saying that to Hamish Blake when he walked through the door, you'd be like, all right, we're on here. How's Hamish going to get his way out of this one? So now he's suggesting, thank God you're here up late, maybe. Yeah, that's, yes, yes. That's good. Yeah. Just smutty.

Rough as guts. Yeah. Just every time they walk through the door, it's to the set of a porno. Right. Yeah. And their costume is nothing. Yeah. They walk in nude.

Yep. Right. That's good. They just strip off as they walk through nude yep right that's good as they walk through the door that's funny they walk through the door with nothing on they go what's this going to be and then it's just people in there going bent over going come on yep put it in please fuck me yeah so where's the how you can see am i going to do this you know yeah how am i going to do this in a funny way yeah where are the last thank god it's up late. Thank God I'm not having to worry about this being on after MasterChef. Yeah.

Yeah, and the editors for the show just being like, oh, this is so good not having to cut any bits out because it's on at 10.30. I can just use actual sexual penetration in the show without having to black it out like we it out. At the adults only time. Like we used to. At the adults only time of 10.30pm. God, that's so late. That is so late. I used to hate having a censor like a dick going into Julia Zemiro.

Now we can just put it straight to air. Do you remember those like, I think they only have like the one of them that they aired here in this context, but the, like, adults-only Simpsons episode of, like, Marge and Homer, the episode where they try to rekindle their sex life. Yes. And it is, I mean, I guess it's, like, pretty bawdy for a Simpsons episode, but it's, like, you learn, like, at the time it being marketed,

it's, like, it's going to be on at 9.30 at night. Yes. And actually thinking, like, as a kid, oh, my God, this is going to be on at 9.30 at night. And actually thinking as a kid, oh my God, this is going to be so bawdy. I'm going to see Marge's puss. Yeah. And you watch it now and it's just in the mix of all that. It's not like they made that as a we're going to make a one-off super explicit episode.

It was just like, I guess, just a fucking Australian network being like, oh, this is a bit. It would have just been on at the same regular time in America. We found a frame of Marge and Homer being in bed with the lights off. Yeah. We put that on the ad and going, hmm, for more of this. There's that bit where they're, like, naked.

They're like, what's the – they're, like, doing it in a hot air balloon and they're having to, like, run through the town and they're naked and they're, you know. But it's not like – it's very, like, Austin Powers where they're, like, walking in front of stuff that's covering everything. Oh, yeah, yeah. But truly being like, oh, my God, I'm going to see Homer's dick and balls just banging against Marge's pussy. Yeah, not flaccid.

Just as hard as it can possibly be. Although you do see Bart's dick in the Simpsons movie. Do you remember that? Like at the start? He's skateboarding around naked. Oh, yeah. It's like in the first couple of minutes – the start? He's skateboarding around naked. Oh, yeah. Nice. It's like in the first couple of minutes.

I think that was just in your dream diary. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's in the first couple of minutes of the film and being like, oh, boy, this is rough. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I do remember that. I think it's one of those funny, like Austin Powers type sketches

where it's like you kept nearly seeing it and at the end it's like... And you sort of do see it. The joke is you absolutely see it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And really going into the movie being like, this could be cool.

This could be like a return to form. And then it's like, oh, God. It's like 14 inches. It's huge. It's massive. Absolutely. It's bigger than him. And the film was in 3D as well.

And it's like bashing you in the face. It was actually a play. Someone's like squirting you with a water pistol. It was actually a play. And I'm actually starting to in the face it was actually a play someone's like squirting you with a water pistol it was actually it was actually a play and i'm actually starting to think maybe that what it wasn't a play it was just me and this guy yeah he was saying he was bart simpson well it was me it happened to me when i filmed thank god you're here last week oh what i walked in sorry what i was like thank god you're here what now here's bart's dick right right and you've got an intro with the dick?

Yeah, yeah. There was a guy like dressed up as Bart and he was nude. Right. And so I had to like, oh, what's the funny? And what were you dressed as? I carumba. Yeah, right. I have the dick carumba.

Yeah. Okay. I'm dressed as Peter Griffin. So I'm like, these aren't the same show do they know that yeah they must know that and and right okay did someone's auntie write this sketch these aren't in the same universe they're different shows yeah i guess that's what makes it funny it's a comedy show though yeah yeah yeah that's yeah that's pretty funny i guess crossover i was um yeah i mean luckily i didn't have anything that weird

when i did my episode of thank god you're here the week before that oh yeah yeah yeah they were talking yeah they were talking a lot about what did they say they said they've never seen someone drink so much cum in their whole life well what was i supposed to do? I walk in, I go, thank God you're here, in the cum drinking factory. Yeah, you were yes ending. It was kind of expected. There was literally nothing in the sketch that wasn't made of cum. You didn't want to, but you want the show to be good. And you want to be asked back.

Yeah, exactly. You don't want to put Working Dog offside. You've got a live audience there. You don't want them... You're playing to the crowd. I went five seconds without drinking calm. They started booing. Yeah.

You looked up and Caesar just had his thumb up to imply drink the calm. Yes, yes. And also, they didn't even have me dressed up. They said, instead of dressing you up, we're just going to put you in this room for two days with no liquid. I didn't say they were saying any of this was a bad thing, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you don't want to put them offside.

They're pretty sensitive to criticism. I just said they literally said they'd never seen someone drink that much cum. Yeah, they're notoriously sensitive to criticism. So we're saying when I definitely did their show that they set me up for in a cum drinking factory sketch that I did what I thought was expected of me. And it got the reaction. Yeah. And they were impressed.

Yeah. I can only presume it will be on air in the next couple of weeks. Yeah. On Thank God You're Here Up Late. Or if they blur out some of the cum, maybe it will be on the regular Thank God You're Here Up Late. When the bottom of your face is blurred out, but you're saying into the camera,

is this not what you wanted? Are you not entertained? Yes. Just know that in the studio there was cum dripping off your chin. Yes, yes. Let's send this to them. Guys, as you can see, we are great off the cuff. send this to them.

Guys, as you can see, we are great off the cuff. Yeah. What we lack in celebrity-dom and diversity, we more than make up for with ingenuity. True unexpected comedy. And for some reason, you want us on because we're going to make up our own setup where it all relies on not what we're making up on in the spot, but us. It's going to be a new show. Inventing the setup.

Yeah. So now we're working for you and we're giving our own setup that we know what we want to say. We walk through and they're like, thank God you're here. The podcast is just about to start. And it's just a replica of this room. That's good. And then we just sit down and do an episode of the podcast.

Right, right. For an hour. Yeah. Right. And then we stick sit down and do an episode of the podcast. Right, right. For an hour. Yeah. Right. And then we stick around to do Talking Dumb Dumb. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

It's pretty good. That's good. Yeah. That's good. I would love, what if we did, I would genuinely love to do Thank God You're Here and just a pirate version and do it, you know, thank, an atheist version, thank no one you're here. Oh a pirate version and do it you know thank an atheist version thank no one you're here oh yeah yeah that's pretty cool yep and then we just have it on and we just do like we're saying the most the worst setups of all time well that's what our friends this is

thank god no one's here right it's just you and me okay that's good no guest has turned up right thank god no one's here so we can speak freely. Yeah, right. We wouldn't want to say this kind of stuff about drinking calm around Hamish Blake. Yeah, yeah. Be so embarrassed. Yes. I would love to see all of that.

Oh, well, thanks. I can't wait until it goes to air. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I wonder if they're going to put yours on before mine. Yeah, I wonder. We'll have to put yours on before mine or yeah I wonder we'll have to keep checking TV tonight yeah

to see when the schedule comes out yeah who was on with you on your episode who were the other guests on your one who was on with me ostentatious yeah

Dame Edna right from the Perth one or from the Perth one or the the Perth one they flew the Perth one out right right

yep okay that's great and who was the third person on with me yeah that's what I asked just before

before you answered the other two there was a I was wondering who the third one was. Yeah, the third person on. Just think back to when you definitely recorded an episode of Thank God You're Here and think of the other person that wasn't Damien.

Oh, Rolf Harris. Rolf Harris was on. Yeah, we filmed it a while ago. I don't know why they haven't put it to air yet. Yeah, yeah, right. But yeah, it's a good lineup. That's a good ep. It's dated a little bit, I think.

Now, whatever I really want to know is who was on when you did it. I don't think anyone really needs to know. Oh, don't you? Well, I guess it's going to air so soon that they'll just see for themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. What are you Googling? Thank God you're here with me.

The internet can't help you on this one, pal. I believe it can. I'm checking the call sheet. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm doing. I'm just checking my one. Okay, yeah. All right.

Now, who was on? For people that can't see, I'm currently stroking my chin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thinking back into the past. And you're looking up into the top right of the room. Yes. Thinking back to where things happened. Yeah.

Jeffrey Epstein was on mine. That's cool. Yeah. Yep. It was pretty cool because he's usually not on camera yeah what he does yeah um r kelly was on oh yeah yeah cool yeah yep and um the other one was um uh it was the third person bill cosby bill cosby right and you and me yeah yeah interesting yeah they were like we're making this like a a themed episode Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, all people that work in entertainment or comedy?

Does Jeffrey Epstein work in entertainment? What? He does work in entertainment. I guess so. He doesn't perform. Yeah. I mean, this was an exclusive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's usually behind the scenes. But he's well known. As soon as I said his name, you knew who he was. That's true. Yeah, that's true. I guess he has kind of broken through. Well, sometimes on Thank God You Hear, they've got people who aren't. That's true. Yeah, that's true. I guess he has kind of broken through. Well, sometimes on Thank God You're Here, they've got people who aren't strict comedians.

They've got names that you would know. Well, he's got his spin-off show, Thank God You're On The Fly Logs. Right. So anyway, that was great. Yeah, cool. I can't wait to see all of that come out. I'd have to say i was probably worst on ground those other guys were really funny really good yeah right yeah i mean most of the

scenarios they walked into were um yeah were pretty easy for them there was a lot of unconscious people yeah cool and uh yeah not not fully dressed people so yeah i was like don't make it that easy for them yeah so i i mean i i had it much harder i i walked in and i was on stage at a comedy club so i was like it was what it was yeah right a real fish out of water yeah yeah yeah they should have given me something i could do good so yeah all right i've hit my limit honestly honestly. Yeah, yeah. Fair enough. On everything today. It's been a long day. It has been a long day. Oh, that was Michael Oud, wasn't it? Michael Oud.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. The 17th century instrument. Yeah. Stringed instrument. That's where that came from. Fucking hell. How long has this gone?

50 minutes. Oh, fuck. It feels like twice that. Yeah. Oh, all right. Let's just do one more all right um thank you very much to um patreon subscribers the final one for this week oh okay um thank you to uh no i won't i won't read that one out i'm'm really... I'm pretty tapped out, Tommy. Yeah.

What, you don't want to read out the fifth name this week? It's so hard to read out even one more name. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's... What do you mean? Well, it's like... Your eyes can't...

You're so tired, your eyes can't focus on the name. I mean, even though I'm saying words now, to me it always takes an extra effort to read out a name. Yeah, I see. It feels like it takes a lot out of me. Because your brain is having to do two things at once. It's having to look and process and speak. I get it.

And like now, I've got my eyes closed and I'm just able to… You're just freestyling. Yeah, I'm able to say whatever I want. You're on pure instinct. But to concentrate and read English, not my first language. Yeah, I'm able to say whatever I want. You're on pure instinct. But to concentrate and read English, not my first language. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it takes a lot out of me.

So, all right, I'll try. Okay, thank you very much to Patreon subscribers. Oh, okay, that's weird. The second in a row of subscribers with a musical instrument in the name. Thank you very much to Bagpipes Comedy. Okay, Bagpipes Comedy. What do you think?

It's not where I would have gone. Okay. Where would you have gone? I thought we might have been supported this week by Working Comedy. Okay. That's fine as well. I don't really mind. Neither is great.

Comedy Dog. Comedy Dog. Yeah, there we go. Comedy Dog. That's something. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for supporting the show. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumb Comedy dog. Yeah, there we go. Comedy dog. That's something. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for supporting the show. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub.

Get on there. Get the bonus episodes. Get a ticket to Perth to come and see. Oh, yeah. Who knows? This live. Let us know who you want to see as our third guest. Let us know.

Which may be one of the people that we've appeared alongside on an upcoming Network 10 TV show. Yeah, maybe. Thanks, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.