The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 676 - Tommy Little & Nick Capper

Episode Date: September 20, 2023

We're joined this week by TOMMY LITTLE & NICK CAPPER! Little's life has taken a dramatic turn now that he's a dog owner and meanwhile, Karl's yet again having dog issues in his apartment building. We also wrap up some final details from Capper's wedding, hear about the time he met Robin Williams, and get all the behind the scenes gossip from his recent starring role in a national ad campaign! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode with guests Tommy Little and Nick Capper. The Little Dum Dum Club is on Patreon. If you would like to support us, you can get on there. It's very much appreciated by us. You get two bonus mini episodes every week, and we might be reading your name out at the end of this episode. Wow, we're like Romper Room, but for people with smaller brains. Exactly. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum, but until then, enjoy this special super-ized edition with Nick Capper and Tommy Little. Hey, mates.

Welcome once again into the Little D Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasalon. With me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good to be here. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Nick Capper and Tommy Little. Yes.

Yes. Yes. We're recording live from Casa Del Little. Yes, Chateau de Wep. Yeah. You did warn me when you were coming in We've got a limited time frame Because your cleaner is coming in Which I just sort of took in

And then I got in the joint And realised why you've got a cleaner booked in I'm just Mate, it's fucked I'm just hoping you're You're not paying by the hour Because fuck, I think she's going to retire on this job today You did say you might be going away for a week

Is that to give her the time to clean the house? I'm so sorry about the sexism that's come through already. She. Yeah. She. I mean, of course you're right. I apologise from the start if you hear any barking in the background as well. And this is part of the reason the place is an absolute pig's eyes.

Oh, yeah. Did they drink all the fucking empty bottles of wine on the counter? Did they? They like White Claw, do they? Who would have thought they loved so much whiskey and cocaine? No wonder they've got so much energy. And the amount of junk food they're ordering on Uber Eats, my God. Did they come all over the NBA Jam arcade cabinet?

How's it on the roof? They're puppies for God's sake. No, that was me while he was having a shower. No, I was going to say, this place is a nightmare, but as we walked in, I think Capital was looking and going, fuck, he's cleaned up the joint. Did you just move in, did you? What does he live in?

A brand new house. What, you got the cleaner coming to do what? To mess up the place to make it work for the next cleaner. I've got puppies and the plan with these boys was that I would get dogs and they would change my lifestyle. Like I'd have to obviously look after them. They get up early. And I really wanted to shift my time I went to bed,

which was about kind of 3 a.m. every night. And now what has happened is they're up early. Like they're up about 5.30. And so I'm getting two and a half hours sleep. So you haven't changed your sleeping hours? No. Just the waking up hours. Just the waking up hours.

And the other night, so the routine, as soon as I hear it, they bark when they get up and I come downstairs straight away because I've got a housemate and I don't want him to have to wake up to my dogs. It's not his responsibility. And the other night, I got up and so it's always kind of a bit dark. When I get up, I got up and I always feed's always kind of a bit dark when I get up. I got up and I always feed them straight away. And while they're eating, I'll quickly have a shower and then I'll take them out for a walk.

And the other night I did it. And I got up, came down, I fed them, and then I organized this snack on this plate that takes a while for them to eat. It's still there. Hey? It's still there. I go up to have a shower. I go, that's weird. It's still quite dark. And then I look at my phone and it's 3.30 in the morning because I hadn't checked the time when I got up.

I just assumed they're barking, so they're doing it the normal time. So then I just go back to bed and then wake up again at 5.30 when they start barking again because you posted that you'd gotten a dog and then i saw you at the pub like maybe the next night yeah and i was like oh you got a dog and you're like yeah i got two it's a lot already out and hitting the booze just like oh they're running circles around me man this morning i went because they they literally are the best thing i've ever done they're awesome yeah but this morning at the park they just make me look like such a fucking idiot this morning at the park i let them off the lead and they run around and

just monster each other any picnic that's nearby they jump all over everybody and i figure it's a dog park you're an idiot for having a picnic and think you're gonna have have it in peace. And then I would put them back on their lead. And I'd seen people, when there's another dog, I'd seen people do that trick where they, like, hand the lead through the leg or something so they don't get wrapped up. And I thought, I can do this. I'm capable. And so then I went to let go of one of their leads, and he's just run off. And so now I've got one on the lead, and I'm running after the other one. Everybody's looking.

And he runs past me, and I thought, I can dive and get this lead. While you're holding another dog. While I'm holding another dog. I dive to get it, miss it. So now I'm covered in dirt and sweating shit, just trying to dive. I reckon it was 10 minutes before I got him back. You're right. They really do change your life.

The last time we had you on the show, you were like, I'm thinking of buying Elvis' jet. And now you're like, the little fluffy guys are really running amok around here. I couldn't grab the lead. It was wild. It had dirt on me. What the fuck, Tommy? And I'm still saying the same thing, but now just no one believes me.

I'm standing there covered in dirt and sweat with these two puppies going, I nearly bought Elvis's jet and they're like alright who did you steal the dogs off no to be fair I reckon you're still

probably thinking of getting it so that the fucking dogs can live in Elvis's jet out in the backyard oh they'd make a mess of that

are they related are they brothers yeah they're brothers yeah right is that the reason you got two you didn't want to separate them

yeah I didn't want to separate them it is hard. I mean, I'm talking about this on stage now. The hardest thing I'm finding, because everyone asks around here if they're rescues and trying to convince people I've got two rescue caboodles. It's very tough.

Yeah, it's a rescue area. Are you getting complaints from the neighbours? No trouble so far? No more. Right. Yeah, right. They're not any louder than far? No more. Right. Yeah, right. They're not any louder than you and your mate.

Oh, sorry. They're playing Kanye West really loud. Is that NWA? Wow. Why are they yelling the words they're not allowed to yell? It's all right if they yell it,

not the dogs. How much sex are those dogs having? They're rescues, you know It's all if they yell, not the dog. How much sex are those dogs having? They're rescues, you know. I've got to try and teach that out of them. I wish we'd taken Kewpie's siblings when we got him. He's one of three. And mainly because his siblings' names were P and Frog.

And I just love the idea of having a little Maltese at the park called Frog. Did you keep the names? No, his name was Dragon. We changed his name to Kewpie's. Oh, really? Dragon? That fucking rules. I want to see the name no his name was dragon we changed his name to keep oh really dragon that fucking rule yeah i know the name of the dog and dragon knows that he used to have a cool name he's saying under his breath when you're going here qp he's going it's dragon that's cassius clay That was my real name. There's this guy at the dog park near us, and he rides one of those electric skateboards

and got two of the biggest dogs you've ever seen. Really? And Nighty and I were there once, and one of the funniest things I've ever seen, that he would go around. You know, it's like a chariot, you know, quite a big guy, and the dogs are pulling him around like a chariot. While he's on the skateboard. While he's on the skateboard.

While he's on the skateboard, you know. But then one of them must have seen something this particular day and he's just yelling out of control. I think the dog's name was Brixton. He's just going, Brixton! Brixton! Brixton! Brixton just seen a 120-kilo man begging for his life

was the funniest thing we've ever seen and then it just became the catchphrase of lockdown. Bridgestone! Bridgestone! I reckon he got the electric skateboard

because he thought somehow the power of the skateboard will help him control the dogs. I'll just put this thing in reverse and pop the brakes on him.

Have you ever seen the guy around here who is a dog walker and he's got like he'll'll have honestly 10 dogs going at once and he's always dressed head to toe in really high-end fashion. He'll be in Louis Vuitton. And wears chains and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think he sells dogs. I think he does. I feel like a balloon salesman except they're all on the ground. He's like the Mr. Whippy of dogs. He's just walking around selling them. Someone goes, oh, I love your dogs. A hundred bucks. Damn right.

Which one specifically do you love? Can I pat one of them? Yeah, salt and vinegar. Because he's got a van that I reckon is real sus. Okay, I've only ever seen him walking them, and I always thought, if you love your high-end fashion and you're finding that purely through dog walking, fuck, that's got to be a lot of miles you're clocking up

for the Gucci tracksuit. He's got a van. I suspect the high-end is knockoff. Sure. Because he's got a van, which he piles all the dogs into, but on the windows of the van, he's got all kids toys and i've never seen him oh my god how many red flags i know yeah i've never seen him with kids this is yeah sure this clip's going to be put on the news in 10 years time this guy was hiding in plain sight they were talking about

him on a podcast well this is me saying something yeah oh you've got the get out of jail free. Where's your fucking love, didn't it? I tried to bring it up and you guys just laughed about it. That's classic this area, isn't it?

You see a person for like five minutes and you're like, what a funny, colourful character that really makes this neighbourhood special and then you watch him

for five more minutes and you're like, oh no. There's a sinister edge here. We got an email follow-up to something we were talking about the other day um oh can i just sorry can i just quickly tell you just one thing while we're on dogs this is how the apple doesn't fall far from the tree my friend posted a picture of me last night with the pups and she asked um hey can i post this and

do you have a caption it's just me sitting on the ground with my two dogs and there's another two dogs around me. And I said, what about this for a caption? Tommy used to get a lot of pussy. How times have changed. And then she goes, oh, I'm posting something a bit tamer. And then my dad on Instagram responded to the story. And my dad wrote, obviously pussy is not his thing so ladies are safe.

Yes. Well done, both members of the little clan. I would have gone with I've got a dog now dot dot dot I'm gay. That's what mum wrote back. Why dance around it? Let's just cut to it.

I didn't really get the other one. Why isn't my son knee deep in vagina anymore? Well no, we'll quickly on dogs while we cut to it. Yeah, I didn't really get the other one. Why isn't my son knee-deep in vagina anymore? Well, no, we'll quickly on dogs while we're on it. I, listeners of the show know this, but about a year or two ago, whatever it was, we had a problem with our neighbours. There was a dog above us. Our neighbours, above neighbours,

had a dog that was quite a large dog. They'd just chuck it on the balcony to take a piss. They had a piss mat. Yep. And it was just fucking pissing. They'd just chuck it on the balcony to take a piss. They had a piss mat. Yep. And it was just fucking pissing Niagara Falls, just down. Oh, the mat didn't catch it. No, no, no. Because I thought you were meant to put, and I'm sure you are,

I thought you were meant to put those mats in a tray. Oh, well, maybe. That's what my mate used to do when he was in an apartment with his dog. I wish you had have passed that on to our neighbours about a year or two ago. Oh, they know. They just don't want a tray of piss when the neighbours could sort it out. Yeah, yeah, well,

they got a lot of visits from me anyway off the back of it. So we were getting just streams of piss coming down into our balcony and I had to keep going up there and going, can you keep the piss in your balcony? Or whatever it was. Fucking hell.

It's when you find out they don't have a dog. Yeah. What a way to find out they've got autism as well. I'm just going to let this piss stream down. Is that an autism thing? Is that a symptom of autism? I didn't see that in Rain Man. I don't know.

DC Edit is the director's cut. He's a little bit on the spectrum. He's memorised the piss timetable. Yeah, he's a little bit on the spectrum. He's memorised the piss timetable. Well, I mean, look, not to, you know, diss people with autism, but if your dog is just pissing down on the balcony below, do you have any emotions?

Yeah, yeah, you do. No, no, you do. You have hate for your neighbours. Actually, it is Carl down below. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, well, they were just doing it, but they were just going in denial and going, oh, no, we've got this whole thing.

I'm like, mate, if you want to come down and smell my balcony and all the washing on it, you're welcome to. And he's like, I don't want to do that. I'm like, cool, we'll fix it. And then he just folds and goes, okay. To be fair, I don't want to do that either. No. Like, even if there's not piss there. Yes.

If you go, hey, do you want to come sniff my balcony? Yes. No, I'm good, man. Yeah, yeah, totally. piss there. Yes. If you go, hey, do you want to come sniff my balcony? Yes. No, I'm good, man. Yeah, yeah, totally. But that's OJ in the glove, isn't it? He gets down there and gives everything a whiff and goes, doesn't smell like piss to me.

Fully. It smells like rainwater. Yeah. So, balls in your court. The balcony doesn't fit his hand. Yeah. Exactly. It smells like perfume.

It smells great. I'm going to bring down my dog's dick and if it doesn't smell the same as your washing, you must acquit. Go on, buddy. Sniff for a sniff. You know the rules.

Winefold test. Okay. The dog's dick. The Coke Pepsi test. And he says up his dog dick, I prefer this one. What would you rather drink? This fleshy thing or this washing?

So I've already had that trouble they moved out the neighbours moved out didn't say a word didn't whatever just they've moved like I think down the street or something

so like my wife has seen them down the street they don't wave or anything which is weird so anyway we've got rid of that problem ground floor apartment this time you'd hope

yeah you'd hope so but you know good luck with whoever's living in the basement but so we have a new fucking dilemma, a new fucking situation in the apartment block. Same apartment? No.

So nice new neighbours that are above, but next door. So next door we've had neighbours for about two years or something. They've got a sausage dog. And it's pissing sideways? It stands up on its hind legs to piss. They just hold it in the air and shoot the dick towards Carl's apartment. No, no, no. Because it's a sausage dog, they just hold it and squirt it like a fucking balloon.

You know when you're a kid and you see how high you can piss? The sausage dog's just trying to get it over the railing. It's got a little mark of chalk on the wall. It's in a little cradle like a cannon. Do you know what the railing. It's got a little mark of chalk on the wall. It's in a little cradle like a cannon. Do you know what I'm shocked about? It's got a little trigger. You know what I'm shocked about by all of this? And I mean this sincerely.

You keep mentioning these apartments above you every time. And you mean to tell me that on all this sweet podcast money you're on, you're not in the penthouse. No. No. No. In fact, you know what's funny is that a listener of this show that I see all the time, he lives in the same apartment block, and I think he's a Patreon subscriber as well, and I see him every now and then, and I give him a wave,

but most of the time he just sort of averts his gaze from me, to be quite honest. But then he's in like... Are your listeners embarrassed to say hi? Yeah. But the funny thing is he's like You can hear your voice

coming through the door when you walk past it's like listening to the pod on the sound system but I can turn this down. No, he's the only bloke

that can listen to the pod like in real time because it's happening in your apartment. Yeah, yeah. Up to the wall. But he lives in the best apartment in the whole block and so i'm like he like yeah i'm walking past him instead of him being like oh the guy i listened to or give me away or anything i'm the one that

walks past his apartment block and goes fuck that'd be nice if i was that bloke don't worry don't worry man one day you'll be on that sweet list of money yeah this is true crumbs from the table him funding you in the best apartment in the building that happened some like stuff like that happens to me all the time but the i was in the pub once and there was this lady walked up to me and she she she looks she kept staring at me and she looks starstruck and then she walked up she's like hey i'm a big fan of your podcast just thought i'd say hi i'd love to buy you a beer and i, oh, do you come to this pub a lot? She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're having a great chat. And then she's like, oh, I'll add you on Instagram. I said, what do you do? She goes, I'm a gardener. And then she used to like all my posts and everything. It was pretty funny. And then through COVID, I messaged her and I was like, hey, mate, have you got any jobs going?

Yes. Like in gardening. Boy, boy did the glimmer fade. No replies back, nothing. Wow, he's just like us. He's actually worse than me. I once did a gig and it was actually at one of your rooms, Gemma, and there was this model there who's very well known and I was standing at the back of the room and I couldn't believe it

but she made a beeline for me and she started to introduce herself. I can believe this. Introduce herself and started. I've seen the girls with you. This is very believable you're one of the most famous people in Australia nah this is pretty believable

nah it's unbelievable and started chatting to me and then like we did kind of nice it is and then I was there

and she just kept chatting I thought this this is like this is incredible and kept chatting and then after about 15 is like, this is incredible. And then after about 15 minutes, she goes, Tommy, I'm so sorry, but I'm actually just trying to get to the bathroom

and you're standing right in front of the door. And I'm like, oh. Yes. Tommy a little out the front of the girls' dunnies, waiting for the girls with pool bladders. Ah, well, well, well. I should have known because I had a hand on each side of the doorway. Well, so the sausage dog is next door.

It's not above. It's next door. So now here's the new thing. Now, my wife went out the other week, and the lady that lives next door, there's a couple that live next door, the lady comes out and goes, hey, have you got some issue with the dog, with our dog and and my wife goes no no it's no problem it's not barking too loud or whatever and and she goes no no no because well okay we've had an official complaint you know through the body corporate and they're they're you know coming down on us and we just

thought well you're directly you're the closest one you would be the main one affected by our dog barking that's so good we thought it would be you and we, you're the closest one. You would be the main one affected by our dog barking. That's so good. We thought it would be you. And we're like, no issue at all. There's no problem at all. And she's like sort of sus. And it's like, okay, no worries, no worries. And I'm like, fuck.

Going door to door to work out who made the anonymous complaint is psycho. Well, do you think? Kind of. Because I've got, so my one neighbour here, they absolutely hate us. But when not unreasonable at all, what they'll do is if I have a party, they'll say nothing until like three in the morning and then they'll get up over the fence and they will scream at me.

And I literally say, hey, it's fine. I'll turn the music down. You can always just ask. I've given you my number before. This is as believable as the hot model story is before, I think. It's almost complete sense to ask, but yeah. But I'm always like, hey, just that's – I've got your number.

That's pretty – And I say, that's fine. I'm more than happy to, but you don't – And then they scream again. They're like, it's not fucking good enough. It's too late. And they will drop notes when they've got a complaint in my letterbox and not say like it's not fucking good enough it's too late and they will drop notes when they've got a complaint in my letterbox and not say who it's from and i'm like i'm a fan of

just talk to me like i'm not yeah yeah yeah it's yeah yeah well so i don't sorry i don't think it's psycho i think it's someone just wanted to have a one person's made the complaint to the body corporate if they had gone direct to the people that's fine but i mean it's funny it's like you get this anonymous tip off and then you're like I'm going to go door to door and work out

who ratted on me to the body corporate she wasn't being an asshole about it no no no I get all angles because when we had the dog piss problem

I was like I don't want to be the dobber I don't want to go through body corporate I kept having to go upstairs and talk to the guy

and the guy was like annoyed by it but I'm like mate there's more annoying things than me coming up knocking on your door there's getting pissed annoyed by it but I'm like mate there's more annoying things than me coming up knocking on your door there's getting pissed

on by a dog for example like yeah yeah that is just crazy you'd worry that if you went to the body corporate

they'd just laugh because it's pretty funny it is funny it's pretty funny they'd side with it pissing on your washing is so annoying it's so bad

I'd say that like it's ever happened to me yeah it has but that was before I had the dogs. But it's also like a tiny little balcony. It's like, oh, my daughter can walk out there. Oh, no, you can't because you have to explain to the kid. No, that's from the upstairs dog that did a big piss in the balcony.

And she's like, oh, cool. Great. Okay, I'm just locked inside the house. I just can't believe lockdown. Great. People with big dogs, like you've got a decent area here and your dogs aren't that big. You can get a big dog in a fucking apartment.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's insane. It's a massive dog. Even a sausage dog on a little balcony is insane. So this sausage dog, right, so apparently it's been barking. We don't hear it. It's like it's...

The only time you hear it is when you walk past the front door when the people aren't home and of course the dog's sort of a bit like it's on guard in its own house. Yep. It's like, the only time you hear it is when you walk past the front door when the people aren't home. And, of course, the dog's sort of a bit like, it's on guard in its own house. Yep. So if you walk past that front door and you make any noise, it'll go, to sort of protect its house. It's like, well, that makes sense. Like, as long as you're not in the fucking, you know, corridor.

If it's not just going around the clock, then, yeah, that's fine. As long as you're not sitting outside in the corridor hanging out and going, gee, I hope I get some peace and quiet out here. Yeah. There's no problem. So I don't know who... Got a desk set up in the corridor. Yeah. Yeah.

So I don't know who is complaining, but here's the next step. So that happens. Then, this has happened a couple of times now, you walk past some days and their door, the next door, and this is like, you've been to my place, it's only like a couple of feet from our front door. It is, someone has absolutely covered that door in shit. Sorry?

What? Someone has covered the next door neighbour's door in shit multiple times. So this isn't about the dog. Like, they've got pissed off about the neighbour and just complained about the dog because it's another thing to complain about. I think, like, maybe going through

Body Corporate, it didn't change anything so they've taken it into their own hands and gone, oh, we're just going to put shit all over the next door neighbour's door. Oh my god. Yeah. Oh my god. It's crazy. When did you. This is a hate crime. When did you move? Are these white people or what?

When did you move into prison? Yeah. Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, this is bronzing up. Yeah, yeah. Bronzing up the door. Yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ.

Are you now, how, what percentage certain are you that it was shit? You could smell it? Also, they've had to do that. Yeah, yeah. They've suffered as well. Yeah, exactly. You could smell it. Also, they've had to do that. Yeah. They've suffered as well. Yeah, exactly. That's, yeah. Someone would have to keep on shit watch.

Like, get the shit. And enough for a door. Yeah. You're storing that up. This is a two-man operation. Yes. Because it's like, because it can't,

first of all, I thought, oh, maybe the sausage dog's been shitting somewhere and they've collected that shit and gone, oh, blah, blah, blah. But it's like, no, they like walk it and it's got its own area out in the little balcony and blah, blah, blah. So, but this is how people get killed.

Yeah. But so then I'm like, I want to, I've got to take this on myself as well because they're only, you know, feet away from our house. I'm like, I don't want someone living in our apartment complex that has the mind that goes, I'll solve the problem here. I'll cover their stuff in shit. Yeah. that has the mind that goes, I'll solve the problem here.

I'll cover their stuff in shit. Imagine that in court and them going, okay, so you shat and smeared it all over the door. Yeah, but they're dog barked. Yeah. A couple of times. Let's call it even. Big dog, was it? Well.

Yeah, if you stacked them up. Yeah, yeah. This is like season 15 of Judge Judy. It's like, we've got to wrap this show up. We are running out of cases here. You've got to do another blindfold test where they've got to sniff your arsehole and then sniff the door. Yes. This did not come from my arsehole.

But you're worried that you could be, you don't want to get pink eye from just answering the door. So you're worried that you could be next? I could be next. Yeah. Yeah. If he's capable of that in that close proximity to me crunching too loudly fuck this no but you wouldn't do it to your own door no this is me this is me absolving myself by getting out in front of it yeah right god do not ask any of us uh if you've got if they've got to ring up and like get a friend witness or whatever.

Just be like, no, Carl Chandler is an absolute psychopath. Even your best friends are going to say that. He's done it to my dog before. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, that was definitely Carl. Oh, you mean Carl shit-smearer Chandler. Is he pretending he's got a dog that does shit and it's not his own shit again? Yes, he does employ me, but yeah, psychopath.

Yeah, I bombed his plane, and my door is brown. His saying is always, shit on stage, shit on your door. You know it. There's a camera out the front. There's a camera, like, right in front of the door. Oh. Yeah. So, and here's the thing. I'm like... In front of their door, or in front of the building a camera like right in front of the door. Oh. Yeah. So, and here's the thing.

I'm like. In front of their door or in front of the building door? No, in front of their door. I mean, sorry, I'd get a camera in front of the door after someone shit on my fucking door. No, no, but this is just like a building. Like, are you saying the camera in the corridor faces their door? Yes. Yeah, right, right, right.

How do they not? Well, that's the thing. I haven't caught up with one of them. I keep going, right, I've got to ask the neighbors yeah about this i've got to catch one of them and and go hey i need to know the story about because the other vigilante yeah citizens arrest surely if no but this is now a true crime podcast yeah yeah totally well surely if if you're smart the first bit of shit gets smeared on the camera. Yes, you're right. Because I need to ask. I know, I had diarrhea. Bending over and just launching it straight up.

It's going to go straight through. It's just glossed it up. And sorry, Carl, I'll correct you there. It's a poo crime podcast. Right. Clever, clever stuff. Sorry, I wasn't laughing at the initial joke then. I was laughing at,

I've never seen you look so chuffed with yourself. That's the best I'm capable of. So chuff with yourself for something you shouldn't be. Even if it's bad, if it's your 100%, you should celebrate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Technically, that's a joke. Well done. I wouldn't go that far.

It's a pun. It's a pun. Yeah, it's a pun. I wouldn't go that far. It's a pun. It's a pun. Yeah, it's a pun. So, but I want to know, where's the point where you're allowed to access the security footage? Can you go to the body corporate and go, I need to access the footage?

Oh, did you get assaulted? Did someone get murdered? No, I think someone did a poo on my door. When are you allowed to? If there was two crimes in the night And one was someone getting murdered You're looking for the shit smearer first Yeah Because they also did the murder We rough you up right now

We go into the backyard We just wail into you You go to the body corporate It sounds like a Is this connected to this story? Yeah then we work out what to do No we've moved on You go to the body corporate to this story? Yeah, then we work out what to do. No, we've moved on.

You go to the body corporate, someone jumped me in the hallway, didn't get a look at their face. And it happened three weeks ago. I'm still bleeding now. You should see the other guy, me three weeks ago. And if that doesn't work,

here's what we do. We rough you up again. Take it off. Move house by now. It doesn't matter. Stick to the plan. Shut up and take the punches. Yeah, who does get access to that security?

I don't know. Because that could be the thing. That could inspire you to be one. You know those people that just move into a complex and they're like, I'm going to get on the body corporate. I'm going to start campaigning to get my way on there. But also, like, the most idiotic thing is, like, it's the person who's complained is clearly the person who's put shit all over the door. Yes.

It was. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Of course. Oh, no. Anonymous thing. But it's come from an email.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, unless they come from poosmirror at gmail.com. Oh, they're good. Do you know, my last place I was at was on Nallyway, and it kept getting graffiti, and the landlord said we could get cameras,

and of course I didn't care, but the landlord said, or I've been told that for about 70 bucks you can get fake cameras and that will deter people. Yes, yes. So the fake, two fake cameras go up. A week later I hear all this banging noise and then I go out the next day

and there are two smashed fake cameras and a wall full of graffiti. Yeah, nice. That's better than smashing real expensive cameras. You'd actually save money. True. You'd have some good footage

though at least. That's the annoying part. He goes, next thing, fake police. So you need to set up your own camera. watching the doorway.

You need to set up your own camera to just, you know, you don't even, you don't have a horse in the race, but you're just interested. No, I'm absolutely fascinated. Well, put it this way.

This is like, cause this has been gnawing at me and I'm like, fuck, I really need to like find out. But here's the other thing. I had another thing, sorry, in the middle of this, I had another thing gnawing at me and I think I told you this. I was walking to the city a couple of weeks ago and i walked past an italian restaurant near where you used to live and i looked in the wind in the front window right in the front window at the table i was like who the fuck is that i did a double take as i'm walking i'm like that's greg norman eating spaghetti and i'm like the shark yeah the

great white shark eating spaghetti in east melbourne okay so what what, is he a suspect? No, no, no. Because he was seen in the area. Oh, my God. He was seen in Melbourne. It was a carbonara, it looked very rich. You know what, that's going to lead to... Now that I think back, it did look like shark shit. The grey brown shark.

How is that any better than poo crying? I don't like that. It doesn't even rhyme. Oh, because Captain said it. I get it, okay. It's expected from me. Oh, because Kappa said it. I get it. Okay. It's expected from me. Exactly. He's got a low bar.

Good effort. If it made sense, you wouldn't laugh. Yeah. We were just too shocked that you were tempting a joke. Yes. Thank you. We didn't quite know what was happening. You flatter me, my lord.

How is he here? Well, that's the thing. I thought he lived in the Caribbean on one of his courses. Yeah, exactly. So I was doing all the research going, fuck. He lives on a course. No, no, because he's made all these courses around the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He lives in a golf hole. In a little hole. No, that's not where a shark lives. He's in the lagoon. Yeah, yeah. He's in the water hazard. He's in the water hazard. He's swimming in the water hazard.

Eating golf balls. Beautiful data. They might hit the sand trap i did all that i was like looking around he was like there was a course being renovated in the gold coast or something like that i'm like oh maybe he just stopped in at melbourne for a bit of uh carbonara or whatever and i'm like maybe this is believable and i've had it in my head for like a month and i'm like and i walked past the same restaurant last night and i was like you know what i've got i keep thinking about it going i keep telling people going i think i saw greg

norman and everyone's like that's a bad story like i saw greg norman is okay but i think i saw greg norman he's not a great story yeah so i'm like okay so last night like at about 6 30 i went i walked past the restaurant and i went, you know what? I've got to solve this crime. Can I see the booking sheet from a week ago? Yeah, yeah. So I walk in and there's a waiter. And the only guy that's out there is a waiter who's giving out menus to like a table of eight. And I walk in the door and it's like sort of like the attention grabber because there's no one else in there. So the door opens.

I'm just standing there by myself. And the waiter turns around and goes, oh, sir, I'm just doing this, but can I help you? And everyone turns around to look at me and i go was greg norman in here like maybe three weeks ago oh my god and then they all just look at me and a couple of them laugh and the waiter just goes no greg norman was not in here three weeks ago and i go because I thought I saw him. And then the guy just goes, and he's like playing to the fucking table, goes, maybe you just saw an old man. I was going to say, because he has hit the age where he could be anyone. Like it's in, I reckon, 20 years ago.

You know if you've seen Greg Norman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he was still bronzed and like, now he's just a leathery dude that you might see on any city beach. An old white man in East Melbourne having a pasta. When does that ever happen? I know. It could only be one guy. I know, and as I looked around the restaurant at this table,

it's like everyone sort of looked a bit like Greg Norman. You're just up pointing at everyone. Are you sure that's not Greg Norman? Is this the new movie being Greg Norman? Yeah. There's a lot-pointing every other man. Are you sure that's not Greg Norman? Is this the new movie being Greg Norman? Yeah. There's a lot of Greg Norman in here.

It must have been because he did those ads for La Pochetta back in the day. Happy Gilmore style. You walk out and then Greg Norman walks out of the kitchen

and goes, did we get another one? Hell yeah. But I was like, back to the window, Greg. Yeah. They've got Greg Norman in this tiny little

Italian restaurant in East Melbourne. It's not particularly fancy And they've given him The window seat That every Like opposite a tram stop That every cunt

Is walking past And goes Yeah Yeah you can fucking You can deal with this In the front window Have I I don't know if I've told you this

But we did a A prank for our radio show Years ago When we were in London And I blindfolded Carrie And we were going to meet Scary Spice. Like this is the real bit. This isn't the prank.

Scary Spice later in the day. Right. But I got Carrie in a blindfold and we said, hey, Scary Spice is not actually turning up. We've organized another interview for you. It's one of your favorite people in the world. You've only got five minutes to chat to him but i'll open the door now and you can walk in and we've got an elton john impersonator and we we put the lights pretty dim and he looked pretty good right and

because she'd been blindfolded because we were would set up scary spice like it didn't seem too unreal she takes her blindfold off. She starts crying. Like we absolutely fooled her. Anyway, so when we go back recently for another – Hang on. Have you told her that it wasn't Elton John yet, by the way? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

At the end. Because also when he talked, it wasn't great. And so Carrie started asking him questions. Hello, I'm Elton John. But when Carrie started asking him. Because it was scary twice dressed up. It's like, you don't sound, you sound a bit too masculine for Elton John. When she started asking him questions, he panicked.

And when we started listening, listening was his tour dates. And then he went and started singing to her. And he's singing one of the bands. It's like, no, wrong one. But so then I intervened. We told her it was a prank. He took off his wig and he's a cabbie. So then he actually drove us to interview Scary Sparks.

Oh, wow. But then when we went back to... There's a lot going on here. When we went back to... There's a lot going on here for an audio medium. Yeah, that fan thought it was funny, me asking her for a job. I imagined, oh, this is Elton John,

and then he just starts driving in a cab. Yeah. But then when we went back, I thought, let's get her with Elton again, right? And I don't know how I thought. You've gone the double Elton. Yeah, I don't know how I thought this idea was going to work, but we got a security guard, and we got this same Elton John impersonator, and then we knew Carrie was going to be at this cafe with one of our producers

and they were just chatting and we were just going to get Elton to walk past with a security guard and hope that she sees him and runs out. Hang on, the same Elton John impersonator again? Yes, I know. I thought it would be funny. What's the time span between these two pranks?

Like two years. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was going to be like the taxi driver drops you off, gets changed in the back of the cab and then goes again. No, no, no, no, no, no. Years later, years later. We were back in London.

And what happens was we were a bit late with the walk past and our producer was running out. Carrie needed to go and do stuff and our producer was running out of things to keep her in the cafe. And so she ends up telling her, I'm pregnant, right? And we've set up cameras in the cafe. And so the footage we get is Carrie gets so distracted by the pregnant thing and starts crying and hugs our producer.

So we've got footage of just Carrie hugging our producer and then Elton John just walking past and they don't see Elton John. And so then they come back around the other way and come back around to meet us and we're hiding around the corner and they go, we don't think she saw us. And they're like, what did we do?

And then now they've got up and left. And so we're trying to chase them. But Elton John is this cabbie who's so unfit. And so we're trying to run through the streets of London. And he's getting hot. So he takes his wig off and his jacket off. So we've now just got a bald cabbie chasing Barry through the streets. Oh, man.

I took it, I did the story on stage as my own, but it actually happened to a comedian that got out of the game years ago,

but he was, one night he was stealing a dead man's stuff, interesting. I was. I sent him a message and he didn't,

but he's going to be A multi-millionaire With a skateboard app Or something What? A skateboard app? Yeah like a skate

He was one of the first To do the apps Where you could play Skateboard with your fingers On the phone Wow This is a comedian It was like Tony Hawk

For your phone I was just going to say Tony Hawk Did he used to do stand up? Who the fuck is this guy? I don't know He was a Sydney guy Crazy guy

He told me A hilarious story once He the fuck is this guy? I don't know. He was a Sydney guy, crazy guy. He told me a hilarious story once. He was... Why is this so vague? Yeah. Why isn't this the story instead of whatever dog shit thing you're about to tell us? But you can... Are you allowed to say his name? Yeah, it was Dane.

Dane. Do you know Dane Hedgepeth? No. I know the name. I started comedy with him years ago. Yeah. And it was actually funny. One time we were at an open mic with three people

and he just uploaded the app. And, you know, this was, yeah, first iPhone kind of. And he got up and he goes, Oh, I just heard the app crashed and, like, it fucked up half a million downloads just while I was on stage. Just absolute. But now he's, yeah,

I think he's a millionaire or something in Hollywood but he told me that. Why is he in Hollywood? You have to go to Hollywood. You know Hollywood, the home of at-makers. Are they making a movie

about his at? No, remember that guy that used to use Silicon Valley Silicon Valley Same thing Oh my god Still

Still millionaires And fast cars The Hollywood of computers Yeah The Hollywood of computers The Hollywood of computers The Hollywood of computers Has he got his fingerprints

Pretending to be a skateboard In the cement On the walk of fame In Hollywood now I bet He ends up listening To this podcast And he's like in a flat in Parramatta. Like, what are you talking about?

Bubble burst. I lost 12 grand on that app. He's in Bollywood? No, no, Capa thinks he's a millionaire because he doesn't have like five housemates. What do you mean he's got his own room? There's no shit on his door? He had an iPhone 1. It was crazy.

But he said he was having sex with a woman. Oh, this is how we know the story's not yours. Yeah. It would have been a man. He's an Elton John impersonator actually I mean what do you mean you're not Elton John Fuck Well I've got to pay this cab fare somehow

Somehow I knew Elton John wouldn't be in a rusty trombone But I went through with it Cabber there's Uber Why don't you take this No I prefer taxis I'm the cockat man Oh come on The cockat Man.

Oh, Tommy Little. You've turned into Tommy Dassolo. Now the body of four. Saturday night's all right for fucking a man. And I guess that's why they call it the poos. No, it's all right. We're done. Great episode. And I guess that's why they call it the poos. No, sorry. Yeah. We're done.

Great episode, gang. All right, come on. Come on. He was having sex with a woman and she was, they were standing up and she was leaning on a window. And she was like bent over the window and he was behind her. And the window was, the blind was up, right? And it was like four in the morning or something.

Yeah. And he's looking out the window and then this bloke walks past and he goes, that was Matt Newton. What? It was Burt Newton's son, Matt Newton. And then he kept going for a bit and then he leaned over in there and he said, was Burt Newton's son, Matt Newton. And then he kept going for a bit. And then he leaned over and he said, was that Matt Newton? And she goes, yeah, I think it was.

Just celebrity spotting as you're rooting. Right. I love that you took that and passed it off as your own story. I've heard you tell that not on stage as your own story. Have I? No, I told it on, I used to tell it on stage, but yeah, it was very funny. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just the randomness of Matt Newton. I was out in the back of a comedy club and one of the guys that works at the comedy club were out having a cigarette and he pointed to this apartment block and he said, there's this girl that lives in that window and I see her having sex in that window and they never close the blinds. And I went, that window? And he goes, yes.

And I said, that's my girlfriend's apartment. Is that real? girlfriend's apartment. Is that real? That's real. Now, which app developer did this happen to? Is this guy a millionaire off that story? No. Tommy Little, unless you look like Greg Norman. Oh, no.

What a way to find out My girlfriend's Who fucking Greg Norman Oh my god They ate carbonara Out the balcony afterwards I can't believe That that was my girlfriend's Hole in one That she's got

The great white spray I go into her apartment There's cream Stained on my That better be carbonara Is that real And it wasn't So it wasn't you

Or it was you? No it was me It was you She was my girlfriend At the time Okay good But yes I'm like

This man Yes Who we all know Right Has just been watching me Have sex Right Great

Yeah Great Okay that's good That's good And he said it like Like I told him But he said it like If we keep having cigarettes

Out here long enough, we might get to see it. And I was like, we fucking better not because if I'm here and I see that. If I'm here and I see me having sex up there, I'm going to sort of freak out. It's like Bruce Wayne and Batman, never see him in the same room. Tommy's never been with us when we've been watching the fuck out. Tommy, you just missed him again. We saw fuck boy.

If only you were here. Why is Tommy, when he's smoking a cigarette, why is he always wearing glasses? Well, Cappy, you told me this the other day. I don't know if we've ever talked about this on the show, about how you met Robin Williams. Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you?

Yeah, yeah Yeah years ago It wasn't recent Yeah we got that bit Although that would be a scoop for the show Otherwise Tell me everything Silicon Valley superstar Robin Williams Yeah

You had to go back to Bollywood Did he make Angry Birds or what did he invent? No it was years ago Oh I'm going to invent? No, it was years ago. Oh, I'm going to get those little kids. It was years ago when he was, because you had Gary Eck, and he's a comedian from Sydney. Yeah, yeah, I know. And he wrote Happy Feet 2 or some shit.

Right. He wrote it or worked on it. Yeah, he worked on that movie, the animated. So they flew everyone out to work on Happy Feet 2, and they flew out Robin Williams. Yeah. Of course. And Steve Philp, really good comedian.

We were doing a show together. Yeah, great man. There was the Sugar Mill. Remember that in Sydney in King's Cross? They had comedy? No. Anyway. Get to the Robin Williams.

We were doing a gig. We were doing a gig. No, but this is funny. We were doing a gig in Leichhardt, and then Steve gets a phone call, and they're like, man, Robin Williams is in the audience. Like, they think he might get up and do a spot.

I like this, because Robin Williams, you know, RIP, but had a big reputation of turning up to comedy shows, and the word going around going, don't do your good gear tonight, because he actually has got sticky fingers. He's going to rip stuff. He would have listened to Kappa's stuff and gone, nothing for me here. Might just leave.

No, Robin goes back to the comedy story in LA and he's like, oh, and then she was like, is that Matthew Newton? And I was like, oh, I think it was Matthew Newton. He's like, but Newton's son. Welcome to the stage. Robin Williams. I was having a 69er. That's why he hung himself.

He saw me. He's like, this is too good. I can never match this guy. Oh, I love trackers. I can't touch the master. So you think he's in the audience? Yeah, yeah. And then Steve Philp is so funny because, you know, he was the emcee.

So he's like, hey, guys, that's the end of the show. He's got a backpack on his back. He's like, he put his backpack on and just jumped again. Hey, guys, that's the end of the show. We're going to fuck off now to see Robin Williams. Jump in the car and then drive as fast as we could. And there was all this, Steve Philp borrowed his flatmate's ute, and there was all this fucking surveyor gear in the back.

So I'm just getting, like, hit in the head with surveyor gear and shit. Makes it from, like, Leichhardt to King's Cross in, like, one minute. And then we get there, and then we're like, oh, see Rob Williams in the audience. He was looking pretty tired. And then he got up, and he did a spot and fucking crushed it. Like, he got up, and the first thing he said to some bloke, he goes, you look like you're about to shit yourself. Like, because this guy was like, could not believe it.

The end of this story better not be that you discovered that Robin Williams is good at comedy. He was pretty good. Yeah, I got to say. I was there. You picked it, well done. I was judging and no, no, no. He was awesome.

He was fantastic. But then they were like, you know, the comedians were like, oh, look, there's a green room upstairs. Do you want to fucking come up and meet him? And we go up there. And Elijah Wood's up there as well. He was doing a voice. And he was pretty short. You know, I was pretty.

That's the other conclusion to the story. Yeah. He was pretty short. Kind of like one of the, I don't know, I forget what role he was pretty short. You know, I was pretty... That's the other conclusion to the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was pretty short. Kind of like one of the... I don't know. I forget what role he played. Finally, this podcast is getting in the Daily Mail. We've got the scoop.

The guy in Lord of the Rings is short. You know the Hobbit. The guy that played a Hobbit. You know the Hobbit. And Robin Williams is funny. Oh, nice. So how was Robin Williams? Was he nice?

Man, it was awesome. He was... We didn't know what to do. We had like a group of kind of comedians all talking. And then he just walks in to the circle. Like just, and we're like, fuck, what do we say? Like, you don't know what to say. And I'm like, oh, hey man, how you going? Yeah.

I said, my mom and I used to watch Mork and Mindy. Great show. And he goes, oh yeah, a lot of people say that. And then there was just a bit of a silence. No one knew. And he goes, where are you from? And I said, oh, I'm from a place called Boomai. You know, it's only 50 people in the town.

And I said, oh, it's pretty funny. There's a cinema that's an hour away called Cascades in Moree. And it's where you can cook meat on rocks. Like cook a steak on rocks. It's like the fanciest restaurant in Moree. Is this Bedrock? Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant when you first said that,

like the town was so hot that you can just, like you know when people say you can. Egg on the football. Yeah. Because I was like, that is an interesting fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This place in Australia, the rocks are so hot, you can chuck a steak on. This makes sense.

You come from this town, a place so hot it's obviously melted your brain. Yeah, this makes sense. And I said, my mum and dad would eat at the restaurant, and then they'd buy us a movie ticket, watch a movie. And one time mum said, if you're good, you can watch Robin Williams' new movie, Jack. Right? And everyone in the whole fucking circle, typical Nick Capa story, they're like,

come, what would you bring up? His fucking worst film. Everyone's just staring at him. Or, what would you bring up your worst story, Capa? Yeah, yeah, yeah. First a fucking steak story, now his worst story. This is your Jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First a fucking steak story. Now his worst story. This is your Jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, you took some time off after the pun, but you're back. Yeah, yeah, my battery just recharged. Just a little while of saying in your head, go on, get back in there, little fella. You'll win the next round. Don't let him dismay you and man it was so and then there was like

a silence after that and then Rob Williams just looks at me and he goes I think you should have eaten the steak that was good that was good

have you read the Robin book the biography that came out? No. Oh, it's fascinating. It's awesome. It's all good.

Yeah, anyway. Anyway. What happens in the end? But just very quickly, didn't you then, you wrote about that after he passed away? And didn't some newspaper pick it up? Oh, man, it was so funny. Yeah, because when he died, I wrote that story on Facebook, and it was when Facebook was still alive,

and it fucking got passed around. Somehow it got to the Daily Mail UK, right? Oh, wow. And they could have posted. I had a few professional photos of me taken. Did not do that. Posted a screenshot of me dressed as a pilot with a tie sticky taped to my chest with my

shirt off so i'm wearing a pilot's hat with sticky tape tie to my chest they go australian comedian recounts robin williams story looking like a really bad stripper magic open mic yeah i've got too many photos of of dumb shit that they always use it was once a news story because uh i was doing crowd work at a show and um a woman yelled out and i said oh what's your name and and she said and she's and she said we've met before and i said oh have we and she said yes we went on a. And I said, oh, have we? And she said, yes, we went on a date. And then there's a pause and then she goes, and I'm pregnant. Oh, I was at this gig. Right.

Yes. And the whole audience goes, and I said, oh, hang on. Is your name Hannah? Is this your name Hannah? And she goes, yeah. And I laughed. Because the whole audience was like oh my god but I realized in my head I did go on a date with Hannah but it was like four years ago right and I said

you're pregnant congratulations and I played along with it a bit for a while and I said who's the father she said you know my partner yeah and all the attention goes out of the room but it gets written up as a news story by one of these scumbag outlets. And the headline is like, woman reveals to Tommy Little after a date with him she's pregnant while he's live on stage. And the photo they use was me posing in a shirt that says, and this was a photo taken for some completely unrelated thing, but the shirt says, I'm a dickhead across the chest.

So the headline made it look like I'd impregnated this woman, never called her back, and now I'm posing happily, pointing at a shirt that says, I'm a dickhead. I mean, again, I think you're burying the lead. Why the fuck were you wearing that shirt to start with? I can't remember. I lost a bet for a radio thing. She was four years in labour. I was at that gig, and I remember, because that I lost a bet for a radio thing. She was four years in labour.

I was at that gig and I remember because that was like a thing and you played along with it and she kept bringing it up and kept yelling stuff out and whatever. And we were watching her partner was with her next to her at the gig who was clearly not enjoying it the more it went on because she was the focus of it and kept talking about rooting you. And then the gig who was clearly not enjoying it the more it went on because she was the focus of it and kept talking about rooting you

and then the gig finished everyone piled out into the car park which they proceeded to have a massive fight in front of the other 150 people that were there

there was a Daily Mail reporter on that one yeah I didn't do anything wrong no no I didn't start the no yeah yeah and I didn't say anything yeah no No. I didn't start the... No.

Yeah, yeah. And I didn't say anything. Yeah. No, no, no, no. It was fine. It was like that well... What a man I am. I'm not into it.

I mean, that's not my fault. Well, the rumor is, well, you're walking off and she had to fight with her husband. You're like, ready for a second date? You know what I mean? And then the baby jumped out of her. The baby jumped on stage And it started doing comedy I think someone might have died at one of my shows Really?

Yeah Same thing happened with Kappa It was him though On stage Swish Sorry, come on I didn't know anything of it at the time. And then it wasn't until a mate who was there spoke to me the next day.

And he goes, hey, man, did you find out if that guy was all right? And I was like, what? What guy? And he said, last night at the show, as everyone was leaving, so the show had finished, a man had a heart attack up in the balcony of the theater. And an ambulance came and this guy was taken off in an ambulance unconscious and I rang my manager and he said

hey is this man all right from the show last night and they said nobody's contacted us and so now I just have no idea well it would it would be a weird thing to, like, you know, the loved ones of this guy, if they've died, go, fuck, we better tell Tommy Little about this one. No, I know. But I wanted to just check up and, you know, see if he was okay. Yeah, yeah, sure. Now they're just like, oh, well, no one's let us know.

Yeah. Okay. We're not giving a refund. Did he look old? Oh, he kind let us know. Yeah. Okay. We're not giving a refund. Did he look old? Oh, he kind of looked like Greg Norman. Okay. And he was pregnant. Now, look, I don't know if your cleaner's getting here soon,

but I've got two pressing matters we've got to get to. We've got to get to this. Now, recently, Kappa, we haven't talked about it. You are now a married man. Oh, yeah. You have now joined. Look at this. It's me and you. I got the a married man. Oh, yeah. You're a married man. You have now joined. Look at this. It's me and you.

I got the ring. Congratulations. It's me and you. These two guys, I think, clearly are never going to get married, so they are officially confirmed bachelors, I believe is the term. I think that's the official term.

No. I think that's what it is. I will get... It's not the official term. You know the official rule. When there's two guys not married in a room, they've got to suck each other off. So, yeah.

You always change that rule. The other day day it was just you know the rules just me and you and he said you know the rule if there's two guys in a room you've got to suck each other off

congratulations you're a married man you're taken off the market Nick Capper congratulations we went to your wedding thanks for having us what a market it was

yes you brewed a way to find out there was a wedding yes yes yeah sorry about that Tommy sorry to rub your eyes you were the altar boy sorry mate Mark it, it was. Yes. Screwed away to find out there was a wedding. Yes, yes. Yeah. Sorry about that, Tom. Sorry to rub your nose.

You were the altar boy. Sorry, mate. Where were you? The altar boy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does a wedding have an altar boy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you were the altar boy a week before the show, but anyway.

Yeah. We're making less and less sense now. I'd go, that's cool. The altar boy at the Thornberry Bowls Club. I'd go, that's cool. The altar boy at the Thornberry Bowls Club. Now, Kappa, I just want to make sure that you got the present from me and don't say her name. I just want to make sure that you got that in the gift registry.

You know, the thing, I mean, I'm not sure if you remember, but, you know, the thing that I got you that you didn't get me for my wedding. Oh, yes. Somehow I thought this would come back with me somehow. No, but I just want to make sure you got it because on the way into the wedding, we got the card and we got the envelope and I put the cash in there.

Oh, wishing well. Yeah, the wishing well. And on the way in, my wife made me return to the car and then write on the front of the envelope because there was nothing written on top of the envelope. And in my defense, I was like, it's a fucking wishing well. There's only one wedding going on in here. Yeah.

Who do you think it's fucking for? Yeah. So I just want to make sure you got it. Everything's okay? Yeah. Thank you very much. Even without the name on the envelope, you figured out it was for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, that's good. Yeah. How much was given? I can't remember. Good question. Really? I can't remember. I always want to know, because it's always a debate in my head when it's a wishing well,

of how much you give. And I've never known if the people take note of who gave more and who gave less. Oh, I did. Don't worry. You did? At my wedding, yeah. He said people. So did you take note of, oh, that person's given.

A couple of people were quite generous, but I honestly, the only reason I had a fucking wedding is because I've been, well, one of the only reasons, is because I've been broke my whole life. Love you, Caitlin. Up until lately. Last year or two. And I've been fucking at all of my mates' weddings. And I was like, well, I can pay them back. I forgot about a wishing well.

I didn't, you know, it's never really been a deal to me. You know what I mean? Or I've had to emcee at a lot of the weddings. So I guess that's the wishing well a didn't i'm you know it's never really been a deal to me you know what i mean or i've had to mc at a lot of the weddings so i guess that's the wishing well a lot of the time right um so i thought that and then they're like no you got to have a wishing well as well i thought they were gone i i didn't know you had them anymore so yeah well that's that's here's the question then because so many people are like cashless these days yeah is that what's still going on because i i had the cash in the car Nana style. Yeah.

What's the alternative to that now? There'll be a wishing square to just tap. Sorry, I've had this recently. Yeah. It was like an online thing you paid. And I don't reckon, I certainly didn't remember by the time the wedding and I sent them both an apology text and said, can you send me that?

Because then it closes online. Then I tried to go into it and it closes. Of course. And I don't think I've paid. Uh-oh. Which the annoying thing about that is, I'm one of the only people left that always has cash on them. Yeah.

And I would have easily, I've never forgotten a wishing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to do it online. I want to get there and drop a little card in the thing. Oh, so did you get the cash? I did the cash. Okay. Because you're a pretty cash-like guy.

Yeah, but, you know. We had the square, not a square, but you had a QR code, right? Right. And it was just the most, because the wedding's about to start, right? Yeah. Ten people walk up to me. They're like, the QR code doesn't work. Ha, ha, ha.

Yes. It's gone for tickets to your comedy festival show from six months ago. You idiot. And I'm like, what do you say to that? Oh, well, try again later. You know what I mean? I don't want to fix the QR code. You're right.

At the start of the wedding, that's not really a you problem anymore. There's nothing you can do. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like, who cares? If only the app guy was there. And then one of my mates... Yes. One of my mates, years and years ago, he got married when we were quite young,

you know, around 22 or something like that. And I was living with him at the time and I accidentally put a hole in their roof while trying to, you know, fix their TV. And I was just the housemate from hell, basically. And, yeah, then they had their wedding. You put a hole in the roof from hell, basically. And yeah, then they had their wedding. You put a hole

in the roof? Yeah, yeah. Oh, to get to the aerial or something? Yeah, to get to the aerial. Yeah, yeah. I was trying to

do something nice and I put my foot through the fucking ceiling. Your foot? Yeah. Were you installing it upside down?

No, no, because you were on the roof. Oh, he was on the roof. Sorry, at the start it made no sense and

now it makes a ladder in the lounge room. I thought you were going Mission Impossible style, trying to program HDMI 1. sorry at the start it made no sense and now it makes a lot of sense me too I thought you were going Mission Impossible style trying to program HDMI 1

yeah and he goes he goes mate the QR code thing didn't work and I'm like why are you

giving me money I never gave you any plus I put a fucking hole in your ceiling and he's like yeah fair point

oh good yeah you know like I don't know. I wasn't, you don't expect to get, yeah. It was usually around 100, a couple of hundred, but it wasn't, yeah, it was fine. I didn't really expect it at all. I didn't want any money, you know. It was, it's a day to have all your friends there.

Did you have a great day? Man, it was awesome. Yeah, yeah. It was the best week ever. Because often they say that thing with your wedding that when it's your own, much like when you have a party or something, you're trying to get round to everyone. So you often don't have time to just enjoy it.

Not talking to some people, but that's the way we planned it out. So we had a couple of nights before. You planned not to talk to people. Sit them over there. What are those three seats alone at the back? What a way of inviting people to the wedding. Well, we don't want them there. We want them there,

but we don't want to talk to them. And then we want them there and we'll talk to them. There's the three tiers. They had like a Popemobile thing constructed, so I was just walking around in perspex. Don't fucking talk to me. No, no, no.

So we set it up so people came down a few days before we had a few parties beforehand so i i did get around to everybody over the course of the week which was awesome because yeah at the wedding you you stuck you know and you i didn't even get to talk to carl or tommy really well you know or mike or anything yeah you get a chance to do stuff like that so yeah yeah yeah so I was like yeah it was cool but there was a couple of regrets how what was the others

oh no regrets not said you know there was a couple of people that were had come alone I was like I should have kind of got those people

to get to the talk they would have got a long word but you just don't fucking I appreciate I appreciate I got about 17 mentions in the in the vows which was

you know I got more mentions in your vows than my wife got mentioned in my speeches. Not 17. Someone's trying to get more gigs. You also mispronounced your wife's name in your vows. Is that a regret? No, you gave her an additional middle name.

What happened there? That was the celebrant's fault. That was the celebrant's fault. She just added it. She was, like, reciting to you what you would say in the vows, and she just added an extra middle name in there? She added Maria in the middle name. But then you repeated it.

And I was like, well, yeah, I repeated it like this. I was like, Caitlin Maria? Bro, I would have repeated it. I would have been nervous. I would have panicked. And in my head I would have gone, how have I not known about this middle name? It was so funny. I better just repeated it. I would have been nervous. I would have panicked. And in my head I would have gone, how have I not known about this middle name? It was so funny. I better just say it.

Yeah, because you think the rest of the crowd are going, yeah, we all knew it was Maria. Yes. You repeated it. You stumbled over it. Everyone starts laughing. Yeah. And then you go,

I just never knew you had Maria as a fucking middle name. And then that just room lights up. Yeah, yeah. It was so good. And then I just went, who's Maria? Who's Maria? I wonder who fucking Maria is. It was so funny. The wedding's off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, it was an awesome wedding. It was just, I don't brag about many things, but we really, well, my wife mostly smashed it out of the fucking park. You were technically responsible for the Matildas winning that night yeah we got to watch the

penalty shootout after the ceremony and then I've got I've got big news about the wedding oh one of my mates he

a girl moved in with him from Perth we're like finally he's loved up yeah you know but I was nearly going to

ring him that morning hey mate we had a dropout you can actually bring up yeah you know but i was nearly going to ring him that morning oh hey mate we had a drop out you can actually bring your partner you know yeah but i i forgot to you know i was busy with all wedding shit and i was like you can bring her to any of the other parties just we don't have enough room for her all right anyway always a weird move by the way what to invite someone and say you by the way, let's be really clear, your partner cannot come to this party. Well, no.

He only got with her like, we sent out the invites a year ago or whatever. He's hooked up with her since. He only got with her like a couple of months. But then it became pretty official when she moved over from Perth in with him. It is interesting. I had a mate who,

she was getting married and she invited this guy and her partner and we were friends with all of them. But the guy, in the time the invite's gone out to the wedding, the guy broke up with our friend

and then wanted to bring his new partner. No. Love a bit of that. And they're like, they're like, oh, absolutely not. And he goes, oh, I'm not coming for company with my partner.

And they were like, that's, then that's what's, oh, I'm not coming for company with my partner. And they're like, then that's what's happening. Oh, my God. You can't dump our friend and then bring someone new. Yeah. He's tried to, like, strong arm them, and it's like, this makes it so easy. It says plus one. And you've written any before the one.

Why did you bring Greg Norman? Plus one. He saw how nice the wedding was, saw us walking down the aisle, and he's like, can't picture this with my current partner. Went home, broke up with her. Fuck. Wow. That night.

Well, imagine if you'd bought her and done that in real time at the wedding. Like, he'd seen it and gone, oh, now you've got to go. Yeah. Because didn't that happen to two people at your wedding? Because weddings are supposed to make you horny or want to get married or something. Yeah, I'm always hard in the audience at a wedding. Especially seeing me there saying Maria. Screw up that name.

Oh, fuck, this gets me over the line. But didn't two people break up at your wedding? The new Daniel Spice. Yeah, well, we went to the recovery drinks the next day and I was like, hey, mate, where's this girl? I want to meet her. And he's like, nah, off. He's like, definitely.

Oh, that quick Straight away He goes Can we Back on a plane to Perth No no no She was still there He's like

I just don't want to go home now Like I can't go back to the hotel Oh my god Yeah yeah yeah Cause you know He's like It's not good And I'm like

Alright So we just stayed out drinking In recovery And then we had another mate And it wasn't much of a surprise. He came over from Italy and he was on the rocks with his girl.

We'd met that girl before and she didn't come over and then he went back over and he goes, yeah man, your wedding made me want to seal the fucking deal and just cut it off

as soon as he got back. That's the opposite of seal the deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, unseal the deal. Yeah, fuck the deal. Rip the seal off the deal. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unseal the deal. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, fuck the deal. Rip the seal off the deal. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to play a very quick game of did you get invited to Ronnie Cheng's party last night? And if so, at what time? Oh, okay. Well, yeah, sure. It should be very easy for most of us, but yeah.

Because for his wedding, I got the invite the day before. Yeah. And I think I was last. No, you weren't. I heard a couple of real open mic style invites on the day. People got invited. I think some people were invited like post-ceremony. They got the invite.

Come meet us at the reception. Like post-ceremony, they got the invite. Come meet us at the reception. So last night, there was a party and I got the invite. I'll be able to tell you exactly what time. Wow, I wonder if it's earlier or later than mine. Yes. At 4.58.

Oh, wow, that's late. And the party started at 6. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's late. And the party started at 6. Yeah. Oh, imagine. Imagine getting one that late. Or just imagine getting one. Sorry. I just learned about this party then.

I'm so sorry. I honestly didn't mean to do that. I assumed what happened at that time is they looked at the space they had and went ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping. Right, right. Hey, don't feel too bad. I thought I was going to be at the latest anyway. A little bit racist naming all of these relatives, but anyway.

Hey, we've just talked about a wedding. And you didn't get invited. Oh, man. A very, very funny thing happened to me, Carl Chandler related, right? Now, speaking of Carl, right? Yes, speaking of Carl, and I was. What a segue. How much of a psychopath he is, right?

He's on the door at Spleen, and I come in early, like an hour early. And Carl's there And I go Oh the dog is having a fit Wow It knows how hot this riff is going to be You stick it up for me It's allergic to hot riffs I whispered to him

I was like Oi bro pretend to sneeze. Heckled by a dog. Fuck it out. Sorry, bud. Sorry. No, no, no. Speaking of me.

I got there an hour early or something before split. To the gig. And Carl goes, oh, bloody hell, you're here early. I said, yeah, I've got an old friend that's coming here. I've known her for about 25 years, you know, and she's in town. We're going to have dinner before. And you're like, oh, cool oh cool anyway she walks in and i go oh hey annette i hug her and kiss her then carl's walks up to her and goes excuse me do you have a ticket and i'm like this is my friend you know the one i just told you yes but we are full tonight do you have a ticket

and i'm like we're gonna go drink somewhere else then we're gonna come back yes but we are full tonight do you have a ticket and i'm like we're gonna go drink somewhere else then we're gonna come back yes but she needs a ticket i'm like i am gonna fucking kill this guy right anyway i walk out i'm like it's been slightly there's a bit of sugar i go i go to my friend i go so sorry about my friend he's a bit on the spectrum. And then she goes, it's good you're helping people like that out. It's not my rule. It's the pub's rule.

That's the pub's rule. They're not allowed in. It's not my rule. Well, you won't tell me, bring whoever you want. Bring any women you knocked up four years ago? You've got your catchphrase. No tickets, no worries.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was actually the plan. It was like, maybe if I get rid of the friend, Kappa won't come back either. He could have made that his wedding present. You wouldn't have had to put anything in. Just in the wishing well, admit one to spleen. It's like, fuck this joint stinks.

How can I freshen this joint up? Oh, I get it. Without having to say it, I'll do it this way. She's like, yeah, I thought there was something going on there. Anyway,

couldn't you help any more? That's why my queen is coming soon, just to get Kappa out. Yeah, yeah. Well, we have something else on the docket. We had a whole reason

that we got you in here, which maybe we don't have time to get into. Yeah mean you're yeah we've gone a long time maybe we have to do it next time okay me or kappa kappa kappa yeah it's all right well do we do it do we just keep going i don't know i don't know what do you guys think is going to come don't they hey i've got time boys all right well let's get into it. All right, Kappa. So this is the fascinating bit. You've been on an ad recently. Yeah.

Well, you're on an ad right now. Yeah. Now, do you want to explain what the ad's for? Erectile dysfunction. Yes. Also hair loss. Right. Yeah.

Does one lead to the other? Yeah, I don't know. How the fuck did I not get this? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. How the fuck did I not get this? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. We're looking for a Tony Basilo type. Exactly. And the hair loss thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The role I was born to play. Yeah, you haven't lost your hair. I saw you in the audition, you're like, dick too hard. His dick was hard the whole time during the audition. I just get so horny when I talk about my hair audition, you're like, dick too hard. His dick was hard the whole time during the audition. I just get so horny when I talk about my hair loss, you know. We do both at the same time. Hang on, sorry, is it two ads?

Two ads at the same time. Oh, so they are not linked. One is erectile dysfunction, one's hair loss. Oh, no, no, they're both the same company. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but they were like, they flew me down for the erectile dysfunction one. hair off oh no no they're both the same company yeah yeah yeah but they were like they flew me down for the erectile dysfunction what if they got together the board just got together

and gone general lack of confidence that's what we're gonna cover yeah yeah what's the key causes we need a real cuck to uh this is what it's been like

we need to cover this soft dick that looks like he might lose his hair yeah this is what it's been like to be a woman being marketed to for like the last 40 years.

You know, just ads that are like, you look like shit. Your fucking dick doesn't work. You should be ashamed. Your dick doesn't work. Buy these products and clean yourself up. Hey, women. Hey, women. Does your dick not work?

I've never get ads for sports equipment or whatever. It's like bedding, beer, whiskey. It's like, you know, the it's like whiskey it's like you know you know the things that want to take your troubles away you know that's that's what i get ads that make you want to forget yeah yeah i was in one for paint i think they were telling me i should drink it now you you're on this ad now didn't they change the what was the initial role didn't they change it yeah so what happened was they were like, Nick, what the ad is, it's pretty funny. An ad is pretty funny.

They're like, you're going to have your tent up, right? And there's going to be another guy camping next year. And he's going to be fucking around with his tent. And his tent's going to be all soft. And his wife's like, hurry up. Do you want me to blow on it? You know, do you want me to? And then you're going to hand him the app and go,

hey, have a strong, hard tent like me, right? Do you guys me to blow on it? You know, do you want me to? And then you're going to hand him the app and go, hey, have a strong, hard tent like me, right? Do you guys get it? There's an app to get a hard dick. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, brother. That's porno. Now, that guy should be in Hollywood. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're using your fingers again. It's not on a skateboard. Give her the old kickflip. Yeah. They give you the app and then you call and then they give you the pills or whatever. That can't be the order that you do things. Yes. You get given an app and then you call.

Yes, it is. It's a new app that gives you phone numbers. Here's the app. White pages. Hang on. Why is the process harder than your dick by the end of it? God, I've got an angry bird on and off the phone. I can't get it up.

She's angry. If I knock the balls over, I'll get a hard dick. Yeah, so they go, look, yeah, and you're shooting it with this guy. His name's Jeeves. Hang on, what? Jeeves? His name's Jeeves? Yeah, he's this comedian, Jeeves.

He's a brown guy, you know. I know him. I've worked with him a few times. Oh, he's the guy that used to have the site. That's brutal, naming a brown guy after a butler. After, like, hired help. Jesus Christ. He's a really funny guy.

So funny. And I was like, oh, that would be fucking awesome. I get to work with Jeeves. Great, right? Working for Jeeves. Jeeves should be working for you. That's racist. No.

That's racist, mate. That's just the name. I've changed my mind. Maybe we don't have time for this. Oops, cleaners in. Hello, Tommy. Can you clean this story up? It's Jeeves.

Yeah. He's got a really hard dick. I love what you do. You never work a day in your life. We drive all the way to the Blue Mountains. He's cleaning the place with his dick? What? They fly me to Sydney, and we drive to the Blue Mountains,

and I'm hanging out with Jeeves. Blue Ball Mountains. And they go, all right, what we're going to do is we're going to shoot the last bit first. So you're going to be both couples. And they're going to have the two couples, and you guys are going to be having a drink. And, you know, Nick, you're going to do a cheers, like, yeah, finally I got a hard dick. And I was like, well, that sounds a bit weird. I mean, I had a hard dick from the start but

doesn't matter and then they so we do the shot and they go nick you're happy with yourself i'm like okay that's that's good and then they go okay jeeves so what we're gonna do is we're gonna shoot you now and you're gonna have a big hard tent and cappy you're gonna be fucking around with your tent and so i was like hang on wasn't i the fucking hard dick guy right right in the middle of the set and they go oh here's the funny thing man we switched around because we didn't want the brown guy to be the soft dick guy at the last minute like we thought that might be racist and i'm like hang on i don't care right that is hang on. I don't care, right? That is absolute.

I don't care about diversity, whatever. I want to be the hard dick guy. And then Jeeves. Isn't that more racist? I mean, they're always ready to go. You know what I mean? That's what Jeeves said. Something that big is not going to be solved. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's what Jeeves said. He goes, man, haven't you seen all the horny comments on the bottle of Instagram comments? He goes, we're hornier than anybody. Yeah. Well, that's what Jeeves said. He goes, man, haven't you seen all the horny comments on the bottle of Instagram comments? He goes, we're hornier than anybody. Yeah, that's great. And I was like, you know what, point taken. This ad has made you like far right wing. Yeah. This is, I don't know, this is what you said the other day.

This is like, I was like, maybe this is the outcome of this ad. Or you just come back from Queensland. I was like, fucking Cap has been in Queensland too long. this is the outcome of this ad, or you just come back from Queensland. I was like, fucking Kappa's been in Queensland too long. We're walking along and there'd been like a big accident,

a big unfortunate incident in Bourke Street and whatever. And there's been like, you know, countermeasures made and whatever. And then Kappa starts talking about, oh, now they're taking away our freedoms. I'm like, oh no.

I don't need to hang out with anyone who starts talking about freedoms and taking away. First, they took away our hard dick. Now, our freedoms. For a guy to be saying the government's taken away our freedoms, I reckon you've taken away a lot of fucking money off the government over the years, Capra. I don't think they've taken anything off you.

One guy drives his car into McDonald's and now I can't get a Big Mac at 11pm right after. I don't know why Carl took such a big stance on this. I was just like, I did not say anything like that. You said exactly that. I did not say that. You said exactly that. I did not say they take away our freedom.

You said exactly that. You know what, guys? I also was wearing a CFMEU vest on at the time as well. You said exactly that. And you know what's happening now, Kappa? The fucking left-wing media have twisted your words. Yes. No, I just said that...

What did you say? I said, this is the only thing I said, and then I watched Carl just jump on his high one. If we can make eye contact at some point, Kappa, mate, talking about being on the spectrum, talk to me. Talk to me. Stop fighting. Elton John just walked in the room.

Yeah, I said, oh, before, if you had a psychopath, they would get a gun. And now it's hard to get a gun. But now the car is the new gun. And so did you say taking away our freedoms? No, I didn't say that. You said literally that. I said the gun. You said literally that.

Why? We can ask Bed Night. He was there. Great. We will. We will. We can ask Bednight. He was there. Great. We will. We will. We will ask Bednight whether I said take it or not. I don't mean to speak for everybody.

And I don't mean just in the room, but listening, even people who haven't heard this, but nobody cares. And this anger can dissipate. Well, here's Tommy taking away our freedom of speech. No one cares. I care. I want to drive around the streets. I want a hard dick.

I want to be a white guy with a hard dick. So do you think they've – because traditionally I think if you were – if you got an offer for an ad like that, isn't there like a classic thing where it's like if you're in an STI ad and you're like, I've got chlamydia, you get more for like – there's like an embarrassment fee attached to that. Yes. So by doing the switcheroo on you, do you think that's a way of them getting –

they've gotten you in as the hero. So then if they just last minute go, oh, slight change of the script. You're the limp dick guy now. Exactly. They're getting away with not having a, you know, you not writing back and being like, I'm going to need an extra 10K if I'm going to be on TV

saying I can't get it up. You can't do cigarette ads or betting ads or whatever without having to stump up another. There's a little gravy for advertising something that's like, you're... You signed on for hard dick money

and all of a sudden you're getting, you should be getting an extra fee for soft dick money. Well, you are talking to Nick Capper. And they saw me, and they were like, he's not going to have a problem with this, and I do not have a problem with it whatsoever. Do you mean your manager didn't intervene? Yes. What, me?

They took away your feed-ons, as you were saying the other night. His manager was a bit busy driving around Bourke Street that night. Can I ask a question? And this may be too niche, but I'm genuinely interested. Danny McGinley and Ben Lomas are both great comics and both seen as kind of the warm-up guys. If you've ever watched a show on TV that has a warm-up guy, they will have done warm-up for it at some point.

Are they now playing the same role in an ad? Like as in Lomas used to do this ad where he was at a desk wearing a tie and now McGinley's in it. Yes. Yeah, I don't know about that. Similar, but not the the same i think they've just both got ads oh okay i think there's something like that both meaty roles and even though the ad wasn't for this i assume they were both limp dicked at the time well i was watching most ads i mean i mean, I've never done an ad, but I assume that they don't look favourably on people walking on set

with a massive erection. Again, I haven't done an ad. Yeah, I've done one, but I'm not in it anymore. Oh, really? Have I talked to this? No. I did one years ago, and I was in this drug-driving ad, and I just played a guy that gets bumped past in a nightclub, right?

Oh, I remember this. Yeah. And then the ad kept getting like rolled over. Yes. And so this was now years later and the company wanted to buy it. TSE wanted to buy the rights for the ad in perpetuity. So forever. I think you were wearing a sweet Ed Hardy shirt at the time as well.

I was, and it was in its cool moment when I was really excited to wear my Ed Hardy t-shirt. And then in the six months before it came out, it became the laughingstock of everything. And I thought, oh, people won't know. And then one night, they must have played at the G when the footy was on because I didn't even know, but I got 10 messages, nice Ed Hardy shirt, fuck with.

I think people might have noticed. But then when they went to buy the rights in perpetuity, I'd lost my license by this stage a few times. And my management went, we don't think it's good for you to be in this age. And so they digitally altered me. And so there's still a fuckwit in an Ed Hardy shirt. I thought you were going to say they edited the Ed Hardy off

because they didn't want to be affiliated with someone who lost their life. It says Gucci on the back. No, it's just Elton John in an Ed Hardy shirt. It's just a person with a big beard and a small nose. Oh, really? It'd be funny if they'd change the shirt to I'm a dickhead. They're like, well, it's better than Ed Hardy. And I was walking through the nightclub with a girl,

and she's now pregnant. I was watching the footy the other night, and you get your dick pill ad. I'm seeing a bit of McGinley. I'm seeing a bit of Lomas. I'm seeing Ben Russell and Zave. The footy's the best comedy show on tv it's easier than getting on the go get on the finals yeah it's um it's pretty funny now though

because i was like they i'm friends with all the guys now because they get me to do ads all the time now so they're like friends with the guys behind the ads. Yeah, the ads, the pilot ads. And they were like, oh, we'll just get you in hair loss as well. And I'm like, oh, guys, I didn't go bald. Like, I did chemotherapy. I will say, you being in a hair loss ad is an insult to the community. This is like that film where Emma Stone was like a Hawaiian. That is great to just genuinely have before and after shots of you during chemo. And now it's like, that's a pretty good sell.

Yeah. I did talk to him like that. I was like, guys, did you guys know that I actually just did chemotherapy? And they're like, oh, no, no. Man, we all fucking knew that. I talked to him like that. I was like, fuck. I wasn't bald.

Man, our dick pills worked really well on your hair, but not on your dick. We've talked to him like that. I was like, I wasn't bald. Man, our dick pills worked really well in your hair but not on your dick. We've got to repackage these things. That's funny for the tagline

for the ad. Do you want your hair back? Just stop chemo. Yeah. Well, they're launching a line of chemo pills. They're like,

you get the app, you think you might have cancer, you get the app, then you get a phone call. And then you call someone. Then you take our pills. They're called placebos.

I was lying in the coffin and I go, that's a thick thing of hair, buddy. And they can't close the casket because your cocks are up. They just cremate your cock and that's it, just so they can close the lid. But there's still a floppy tent next to the casket. It comes up like those springy doors, like they're pushing it down. They're like... All right, well, we'd better wrap it up for another installment. I don't think your house is getting cleaned, Tommy.

I'm sorry. Yeah. There's no cleaner. I made it up. How much are you paying? I'll do it, man. I got a good track record. Well, I pay in this weird payment method.

You get an app then you go full time Capper and Little thank you for joining us Capper you got the Phone Hacks podcast with Mike Goldstein you got the

Flat Stick podcast with Brett Blake well you've got a special coming out you've got a special coming out on a little format called YouTube

yeah or maybe I don't know they're trying to sell it to somebody well so coming out on YouTube very soon yeah hopefully but then also format called YouTube? Yeah, or maybe. I don't know. They're trying to sell it to somebody. Okay. Well, so coming out on YouTube very soon. Yeah,

hopefully. But then also, Brett Blake and I have got a show in Toowoomba this Friday. Is it getting released tomorrow? Yeah. Yeah. So this Friday, come to Toowoomba.

It's going to be an awesome time. Oh, that'll be good for Nick Carr to hear that plug and come along. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nick Carr can come along. He's in T-Bar. So yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's it. That's all I got to promote. along. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nick Carr can come along. He's in T-Bar. So, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, that's it. That's all I've got to promote at the moment. Little, what have you got? You've got a rodeo show every afternoon. Yep, every afternoon on wherever you are

in the country from three to six. Watch my Amazon specials. Yes. Oh, yeah. I've got three up there on Amazon. I'd love you to check them out.

I've got a kid's book out. Have you? Oh, yeah. Called Don't Take My Nuts. Who's it aimed at, the ages? Could Brett read it? From two to four and 36. Yeah, it's little ones. Anyone under 10 would love it. Cool. it's a little one.

Anyone under 10 would love it. Cool. Great. Great. Check that out. All right, guys. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

And they've done it again. They've done it again. Bernie kicked one into overtime. Yeah. That means that we get to do a short of little dumb, a short, a little dumb, a short, whatever this is. Talking dumb dumb. That's right.

Yeah. That's what it's called. I like how you say it, that it's as if it's like, hey, we're off the hook. It's an official rule. So no, we just dictate that. That's right. I forgot. We've decided.

I forgot. So that was like 90 minutes or fucking something. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do a short one of these. Also, not that anyone, you know, is entertained by this, but maybe they are. I am so tired because this is two boring things on top of each other.

I thought maybe two boring things equals something interesting. Yep. We'll see. I'll be the judge of that. Yes. Click, I can hear people turning off. I'm so tired because I didn't get much sleep because I got to bed late and then I had a bad dream. Oh, nice.

And then I woke up at five, couldn't get back to sleep and then just got up. Yeah. I had a bad little dream. And I'm that tired. You know what I feel like? I'm the tired. You know how there's that special taste of like getting up early for an early flight? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I've got except I'm not going anywhere. This happens every time we go. We've got to do one of these that's shorter. And then the next thing that happens is, now let me tell you about a dream I had last night. Well, yes. We can't help ourselves. This will be the only content outside of reading names. True, true.

This was my dream last night. I was in space in some sort of weird shuttle there's some sort of weird little limited very small shuttle but um we were going up and i'm like telling the other people in the shuttle this makes no sense where there's no way we're coming back from this there's no way this this this vehicle gets to turn around and land back on earth like this is it for us yeah this is all that's going on and the other people are like way too positive on the go no it'll be fine whatever you never know for some reason i still have wi-fi on this shuttle okay

as i'm going up in this extremely limited vehicle then as it's really sinking into me that I'm not coming back on this ship, I'm – My dog just walked out of the room. As I'm sinking in that I'm never coming back, then I realize my daughter is in the shuttle as well. Oh, no. This is just such a sad dream now. Yeah, yeah. This is like so depressing. And then on top of that, then I'm still charging my phone as I'm in this –

I don't even know what sort of shuttle this is. It's like being in a big plastic bag that I'm like – Well, you'd like to think that a space shuttle has a USB-C port. So that doesn't register as that strange to me. But I'm also getting Wi-Fi still. And then I just remember the last bit of the dream is as I'm plummeting towards my doom with my daughter who's never going to grow up and have a decent life, her last hours are going to be in space with me going

into oblivion. And you're on your phone. Yeah. You're not even talking to her. Yeah, then I check- I'm getting Wi-Fi. Isn't this crazy? Then I check Messenger, and Blakey's sending me updates about what's on TV that night.

Yeah, great. Okay, great. Yeah, this is a a i don't think i'd be getting sleep back to sleep after that i wasn't and i got a five o'clock i was like i had a quick go at it i'm like i'm too fucking depressed at a certain point you're just like you know what worst case scenario i'm getting up now i'm getting a jump start on getting stuff done yeah win the morning win the day yeah uh yeah and so now I'm like, now I'm so fucking done. I'm going to finish this and go home and fucking have a nap at 2 o'clock.

Yeah, great. Well, let's power through it. Yes. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub is where you can go to sign up, become a paid subscriber, and you get two little mini bonus episodes every week with special guests. Yes. Featuring this week, Nick Capper.

Yes. If you enjoyed him on the show, as people often do, you can get two little new ones in your inbox. And also we have to, of course, thank the people who subscribe every week. Thank you to everyone that does that. But in particular, some people that have – some little virgin name dropper people that have never had their names read out. Someone's at the door now to get their names read out.

Is that what's... Oh, you're closing it. Okay, right. You're kicking the dog out. If he doesn't want to hear about my dreams, he doesn't deserve to be part of this Patreon race. If you thought the dream was boring, why don't you hear us read out a name?

Any name that's not a dog's name is pretty boring. Fido. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Amanda Dowsley. A man to Dowsley. No. Amanda. Whoa.

Whoa. It's all fucking happening here, isn't it? The dog just walked out the whole fucking house. Slammed the door behind it. The dog just took walkies by itself. Amanda Dowsley. Yeah. Speaking of my dog going walkies

I think I've said this on the show before Classically When people have dogs The dog starts to learn the word walk Or walkies So you have to not say it And my dad with our dog growing up Would spell it out

He'd go W-A-L-K But then the dog hears that enough and starts to get excited. Yes. And I'm like, you taught our dog to spell. Yes. That's awesome. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. That's great. Yeah. To the dog, that's just another word that is pronounced W-A-L-K. Well, our code name for it is Best Part of Day. Right. Because my girlfriend saw this meme about like, if you're too busy to walk your dog, you're like,

ah, it's like someone's sitting there, they're like, ah, I just had a big day at work, I'm too tired. But like eventually, like if you keep saying that, then it's going to learn that. It's going to be a never-ending game of like Pictionary. No, I know. Where you're describing. Yeah.

You're having to find different adjectives every day to describe a walk. Well, I mean, I'd love the idea that I could teach him that he can learn the phrase. Because you're right, it's the phonetics. But best part of day. Because there's this meme that my girlfriend saw about, it's like someone like, oh, I'm too tired, I'm too busy. And the dog's just there in its bed going,

but it's the best part of my day. And then now it's like anytime we're feeling a bit lazy, it's like that meme pops into your head and it's like, all right, come on out, you go. But so we refer to it as like time to take him on best part of day which is i would think a phrase that's too long for a dog to learn yeah but i'm confident i would love it if he starts flipping out over the phrase yeah best part of day yeah it's like we've taught him a whole fucking sentence yeah yeah that's pretty good if If you keep going, you're going to teach him fucking quite a vocab. Yeah.

Yeah. Carl's coming over to do the podcast. He just hides in his bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carl's had another dream. It's the worst part of my day. But Amanda. Amanda.

Douse. She might be drowsily after hearing the dream story. Dowsley. Dowsley. D-O-W-S-L-E-Y. Whoa. What is the relationship with your... Your dog just knocked on the door now.

No, no. That was... The window's open, so there's a bit of a breeze going through. Fair enough. Fuck, it is all happening in here, though, isn't it? Yeah. There's a lot happening. None of it's much good, but there's a lot happening.

Washing machine's on. There's a lot happening. None of it's much good, but there's a lot happening. Washing machines on. There's a through draft in the house. We've got a name like Dowsley to play with. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Amanda's a great name. Awesome name. You know what?

If I'd have thought of Amanda for my child, I would have proposed it. And what do you think? How do you think that would have gone? I think it would have been, look. I could see your wife letting that through. Yeah, it's fine. I could see her being okay with that as a name. I mean, what's the knock about it?

The only thing is she had her heart set on blankets, so nothing could wedge such a beautiful name like that. It's just a shame that one of Michael Jackson's kids wasn't called Amanda. Yeah, that's right. Because that's why she was so hung up on it. That's why she was so, yeah. When she first saw that baby being hung out to dry outside the window, she was like, I don't care what that thing's called, but my firstborn is being named after it.

It'll be great when, if you guys have a second kid, you just, you know, it's easy. It's Prince. Just ready to go. Yeah. Yeah. A daughter called Prince. Yep. Yeah.

That'd be good. Well, it makes about as much sense as blankets. Yeah, exactly. A daughter called Prince. Yep. Yeah, that'd be good. Well, it makes about as much sense as blanket, so why not? Yeah, exactly. Well, thanks, Amanda Dowsley. Thanks, Dowsley. And I think you have a great first name, and I think it is. It's one of those ones where, yeah, you can't name your kid after someone if you've had a bad experience with that name or whatever amanda was the name of a crush of mine when i was in grade one or two or maybe both yeah okay could have it could have gone over the summer could have

gone over all over christmas back into and then she moved away which i would like to think wasn't connected by my crush on her you'd like to think that i would not i wouldn't like to think that i would love i would love to find out that confirmation that i wasn't a stalker in grade one yes and made a family move down yeah where a whole family whole adult family went no that grade one that six year old we have to run away from that kid so you think so you'd be happy naming a kid of yours after giving your kid the same name as someone you had a crush on? Yeah, sure. You'd be okay with that?

I've disconnected myself enough from that grade one child. Because I lost my virginity to an Amanda. Did you? So that's off the table. You lost your virginity to a man. That's cool. Is that what you said? Yes.

Right. You're dreaming again. What if I name my kid Amanda? You lost your virginity to a man. That's cool. Is that what you said? Yes. Right. Okay. You're dreaming again. What if I name my kid a man? We're about to die. We're about to die in this space shuttle and that's how you want to spend your last moments. But that's off the table for me, right? As a kid name ever.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, especially if you tell the story. Yeah. Well, I would keep it but you know it's it's still a good name yeah but i don't know what if you said that i wouldn't i mean i would never announce it what if you said that i'd like to name our child uh this name that's um that's actually if you don't mind because that's the name i i lost my virginity to the girl of

that's my name oh yes i. I was a virgin until. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Six months ago. Yeah, this is my child named after who I lost my virginity to. This is my little daughter, Father O'Flannery. Uncle Jack, my daughter. Well, thanks, Amanda. Thanks, Amanda.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Lachlan Warner Lachlan Warner Yeah Interesting One of the Warner Brothers I wonder

Yeah And the man who invented Bugs Bunny I presume One of the Animaniacs That isn't in the show Yes Yes That's how that all works

Yep But you know that You know that cartoon The Animaniacs? Yeah, I know of it. You know what they look like? So their whole conceit is their last name is Warner. Oh, I don't know that.

Like they're the Warner, because there's three of them. There's two boys and a girl. Oh. And the whole thing is they're the Warner brothers and the Warner sister. Oh, I don't know that. So they're the titular. They live up in the water tower. Oh.

And they push the Warner brothers. It's when like Stevenven spielberg got really involved and he made like the tiny tunes it's like what if there were little versions of the looney tunes like learning how to be cartoon characters right and then what if we finally work out who these darn warner brothers actually are i did not know that and they live on the warner lot they're little and they've been locked away because they're troublemakers right too mischievous i did not know that. Yeah.

That gives me a little bit more respect for them because I used to hate that show. I loved it. It was right in the sweet spot for me. Yeah. Age-wise. Good. Well, I'd like to think you would revisit it and try and remove yourself from that golden Halcyon era and treat it normally.

But I used to – yeah, I was too old for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just – yeah. It's a cool conceit though that they were like – That's a good idea. They were like cartoon characters back in the day and they were just too crazy. Right. So they got locked away for being too mental.

Oh, I just like the idea that there were – I want to find out who the Warner Brothers were. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I wonder like if they were, I mean, they must not, the actual guys, if there were guys, must not have still been around. Yeah. By the time they're making that cartoon in the 90s. But maybe a descendant, maybe like a son of theirs working at the company.

I think we looked this up before. I think they were bad blokes. Yeah, right. I mean, everyone was back then. Well, maybe that's why they made that cartoon of them. Oh, yeah. Because I was going to say, if you're like the son and you're now working for the company, it's like, hey, we've got this cartoon version of your fucking dad. And he's bloody running around with no pants on, bloody doing all this psycho shit.

And you'd be like, yeah, man, that's my dad. Yeah. He's a real man. Yeah. Who just started a company. Yeah. Yeah. He invented Tweety Bird because he wanted to fuck it

yeah yep is that something i guess yeah that's not bad for being up at 5 a.m i'm still depressed you listen back to this i'm still depressed this is you like self-loathing. I deserve to die on that spaceship. Oh, my God. It's, yeah, it's two days in a row. I had to have a nap yesterday. Now I've got to have another nap today. It's fucking, it's just fucking with my day.

You've gone baby mode. Yeah. No, yeah, anyway, whatever. But Lachlan Warner, I like it. I've always liked the last name Warner. But I think that's because of Warner Brothers. I really think that's a Hollywood name. That's a strong name. That's the next kid, Warner.

Warner Chandler and Amanda Chandler. Yes. Fuck. How's that sound? Amanda Chandler. Yeah, no good. Amanda Chandler. Yeah, sorry.

I've just put that together. That's off the table. Yeah, well. It's back off the table. I'm glad I didn't suggest it. Fuck, this will sound crazy, but I, this is so dumb to say without remembering what it is, but I had something to tell you about the Looney Tunes. Oh, really?

Because I know you've been watching them with your kid. Fuck, there's something that I saw about them that I thought was, anyway. She's requesting it. She's like, you know, instead, I'm like, do you want to watch Frozen? She's like, no. You got Bugs Bunny? I'm like, you want to watch frozen so no you got bugs bunny like yeah all right but as i've said on this thing before it's hard to fucking just get a big loop of bugs bunny yeah that's like online you need to i need to go and buy a box set or fucking something like

that yeah i wish i could remember what this what i saw about them that made me think i should tell chandler about that yeah Yeah. On the air. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have that information. Well, thanks, Lachlan Warner. I hope you and your sibling continue the fine work that you've done all these years. Producing content, producing – I mean, look, if I may complain, I really was never into Foghorn Leghorn. Really?

I wasn't. I mean, look, I want to be. Who was your favorite? Well, Bugs is easy to find. Bugs is best by far. And, you know, I want to be the first person to come out and cancel Pepe Le Pew. I want to be the first person to say some of his behavior. Yeah.

You know, looking back, I don't think it's acceptable. Was this on the BBC last night? It was. Yeah. I'm the one who went and interviewed a lot of black cats that had paint dripped on them accidentally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And they all backed up my views. You know who my favorite was? Who? The Tasmanian Devil. Oh, yeah. He's a freaking psycho oh yeah that's pretty cool like this crazy he's just like me get a few beers in me i'm spinning around going yeah but there wasn't a lot of character development like bugs did a lot of funny

crazy you know funny stuff and he just prankster he just spun didn't he is that all he did kind of yeah i can't remember what the thrust of his cartoons really is. Yeah. I think he was just like a bit of a Kramer, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just chuck him in there. He can't be the main character. Yeah.

Yeah. With Bugs, you can do a lot of stuff with him. Yeah, exactly. Just classic. He's versatile. He's cutting people's hair. Yeah. Just dressing up as a woman, kissing Elmer Fudd.

Yeah. It's pretty funny. Mm-hmm. Man in dress. He's trying to get Daffy Duck shot in the face. Yeah. By Elmer Fudd. It's pretty funny. Man in dress. He's trying to get Daffy Duck shot in the face by Elmer Fudd. Yeah, he never did the shooting. Trying to trick Elmer into shooting a duck in the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was the point of those guns where when they shot someone in the head, they didn't die? Like nothing happened to them at all. Oh, I saw a mad – I saw a thing that made me laugh on Twitter. It was like a clip of like the um i know this isn't one of this isn't looney tunes it's a i think flusher the um the horny wolf oh yeah like sexy redhead lady and it's like him watching her do a burlesque show and he's like doing all the like eyes popping out of the head and then he pulls out a gun and shoots himself in the head.

I saw that. And then his ghost kind of comes up and then the ghost's getting horny. And it was like someone put this on Twitter and went, they just don't make them like this anymore. She made him so horny that he killed himself. And it's like, yeah, that is really, really fucking funny. And I hate to be this guy, but you just would, pitching that as a cartoon like in

a writer's room in 2023 be like are you insane we can't show this to kids i just i just hope that that pamela anderson never did that to someone i hope she doesn't have too many um bodies you know she doesn't have too big of a body count yeah that would be uh be sad to find out uh but also you know a little bit of a badge of honor she totally that would be cool if you just got started getting tattoos on the side of you like on the side of a car like roadkill yeah like yeah just every time a new grieving family contacts you every time yes every time someone kills themselves because you are that hot just a little silhouette on your on your ribs. Thank you.

Thanks, Lockie Warner. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber James Davidson. Ooh. Jimmy D. Yeah. You like the sound of that? I don't mind it. It sounds like the creator of Garfield going under a pseudonym

but doing a very lazy job of it. Oh, yeah. I'm not Jim Davis. I'm James Davidson. You knowson no that's you know what that's his name you know when like greek people would like oh yeah and then go oh no my name is um bill now not stavros wapolopoulos yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm coming here to open a fish shop and my name's now bill oh there's like yeah there's a character this is him this is jim davis coming from england and and having his name called James Davidson

and going, that's way too English-ethnic. Too British. The Americans will not understand that. It's too long. We'll abbreviate it all. James equals Jim. Davidson equals Davis. Boom.

I'm one of you guys. I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy. I forget the character's name, but one of the characters on The Sopranos is like he's got this stupid-s sounding name and he's real cut up about it. Because when his family immigrated, it was just like when they were getting off the boat, it was just like whoever filled in the paperwork, mishearing and writing down like, yeah, yeah, you're this now. And then he's got some dumb sounding name that he's really torn up about because everyone rinses him about it. This would be like James Davidson going jim james davidson going back to england and they've been like ha ha yeah yeah well this is well this is him this is uh

this is he's not using his stage name the creator of garfield is subscribed to us yeah yeah yeah which is pretty cool i saw um a friend of the show, Jason Chatfield, cartoonist, put up a thing where he was at some cartoon convention thing and the great man himself right in front of him. Really? Just doing it, sketching out a little Garfield for a fan. Wow. Pretty cool.

And I was looking at the video going like, man, it's taken him a long time to bust out this Garfield. Yeah. He's getting on. I was going to say, he's not only getting on, but is he one of those Matt Groening figures where he draws it and you go, that's pretty dog shit. I think the animators have been doing a lot of heavy lifting for a long time.

He's not sitting there drawing the Garfields for the Daily Strip anymore. No. So probably by the time he's going and doing one of these appearances, there probably is a big part of him that's like, oh oh yeah, how do you draw this little cunt again? So having to like get those like, you know, those kids books that would have the like, how to draw this character in six steps. And it's so like, step six, do all the details that make it the key. It's like, start with a circle.

Yeah, yeah. And then by the end, you're like, oh, the stuff that actually makes talent and is hard. That's just step six. But not only that, but like, you know, Matt Graney, the way he was drawing them, like, since they rounded off the characters and made them look good in The Simpsons, I don't think he was any part of that. No, not at all. Yeah. So his version of Bart is still probably pretty – he's had to learn how to draw someone else's version of Bart. Yeah.

Because, I mean, I love the way the Tracy Ullman characters look. They just look so fucked up. Yeah, yeah. His original versions of them. They're shit. It would have been awesome

if they'd never, imagine if we were still now looking at that just in HD. Just this like, Bart's spikes are like two inches long. Like, it's just massive.

I remember that. I remember before The Simpsons came out and I remember that buzz around, oh, there's Simpsons characters on the tracy ellman show that's how they started yeah people don't realize there's a little short within this sketch comedy show and i remember reading about going yeah it's fucking mad and then i watched them like yeah this sort of sucks this isn't very good the weirdest thing about it is like how bizarre the animation is and how like

kind of grotesque they look yeah for cartoon characters of that era yeah that's the most kind of shocking thing about it is like oh this is really off-putting yeah it's funny to remember that when you saw the simpsons for the first time it was like oh their hair just is their skin and their skin's a weird color and they got these fucking overbites and big bulgy eyes yeah yeah that show sucks no The Simpsons?

no just joking whoa just joking whoa just joking I should watch it again one day it's such a shame

it's not on free to air because it's like man it's sitting there on Disney I actually pay for Disney and because it is in our house the the Frozen channel. Absolutely.

And that's just what we watch on that. The Simpsons is like Seinfeld. You don't want to pick an ep. You just want to turn on the TV and have one on. Yes, I agree. You don't want to choose. I agree. I'm happy watching literally any of them.

But if I have to scroll through them all and be like, now, am I in the mood for the contest? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or am I in the mood for the contest yeah yeah am i in the mood for the virgin it's like just give me just give me whatever yeah completely agree it should be like the radio yeah just like yeah happy to have that on that'd be good yeah just i want to get on the seinfeld page and just have like shuffle yes you know yeah that would be good i would watch that channel if they put that on. It was just like 90 shows. I'm fine with having it go Seinfeld, Simpsons, Friends.

Absolutely, yeah. Whatever it is. Because what I've been doing, I mentioned after Kappa's Bucks, I get tickets to Paul McCartney. And so I've been going onto the Apple Essentials playlist of Paul McCartney. Oh, yeah. And just hitting shop. So are you going or is it just your parents?

I'm going with my parents. Oh, right. I got confused. I thought you were just sending your parents. No, no, no. I'm taking my parents. Right. I've just been getting on the Apple Essentials McCartney playlist, which is just all the

bangers. The Idiot's Guide 2. Exactly. Getting on there and hitting shuffle. That's what I want on Netflix and Disney. It's like, here's the all-timers. Here's like maybe 50 of the all-timers of these shows. Shuffle.

Give me whatever. Now, what's in your top three? Of each show? No. What's in your top three? Paul McCartney. Oh, man. I'm still doing a lot of homework, I've got to be honest.

Yeah. I'm not as – yeah, that's why I'm doing this. I'm not as au fait with the um mccartney solo work yes 1970 onwards yeah i think um yeah man maybe i'm amazed i think that's probably number one for me you know what i hate that keeps coming up on this playlist from what's the album, Egypt Station? Oh, yeah, a recent one. Yeah, a recent one. He's got this song called Fart You. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's so bad. It's like I think he's done it with one of those very of the moment producers. He's done it with Crazy Frog or something. It sounds like an Imagine Dragons song. And it just sounds so homogenized. This is what a big song on the radio is now. But it's like, man, you're a fucking Beatle. Why are you making a song like this?

And the whole thing of it being like, I want to fuck you. He's almost saying fuck, but not saying it. It's like, oh, my God. You're 80. It's really dope. And it's on that Essentials playlist. So you just have like, yeah, wall to wall, bangers from the 70s, and then that pops up and it's like, is this going on to a different playlist?

You know what he is? Paul McCartney is the Simpsons of the music world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Burned very, very, for you know nearly 10 years yep and then just kept going family guys come along we got to compete with that we got to try and be a bit more irreverent yeah and everyone's like yeah it's all fine you know oh it's not as good as it used to be no fucking shit yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah. But it's okay. You know, let's just remember back then. Yep, yep.

Well, thanks, James Davidson. Thanks, Jim. Thanks, Jimmy. Yeah, thanks, Jim. Wink, wink. I don't hate Mondays when your money comes in. Yeah, I'm going to buy lots of lasagna. Yes.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Ewan Horsberg. Okay. Horsberg. Horsberg. H-O-R-S-B-U-R-G-H. Horsberg. Horsberg. Is it Horsberg?

I guess it is. Let's go. Ewan Horsberg. Ewan Horsberg. The old Horsberger. Horsberg. The Horsberger. What's in that?

Horsberger. Is that what you're saying? Oh, sure. It's called horse burger. Horse burger. The horse burger. What's in that? Horse burger. Is that what you're saying? Oh, sure. Let's say that then. Yeah. Let's pronounce it that way. Okay. Yeah.

Horse burger. That's funny. A horse in a burger. Yeah. Yeah. That was happening at one point, wasn't it? Was it? What was that?

The British supermarket chain where they were serving up horse? People were buying – wasn't that a whole thing? It was like they got in trouble because people were like, hey, these – it was like, oh, these steaks are horse. That's not very good. Yeah, I don't know how that would taste. But what's your – what about this for a question? What's your top three meats followed by your top three vegetables?

Okay, top three meats. Good question. Probably chicken. At what number? Chicken number one. Oh, we're going that way. We're going to go number one to three. All right.

That's fine. That's fine. Okay. Chicken's one. But they're all kind of equal. I wouldn't say I have a definite ranking. Well, that's what this is. Okay. Chicken's one. But they're all kind of equal. I wouldn't say I have a definite ranking. Well, that's what this is. Okay.

Well, I guess I'm going to say beef third, pork second, and chicken first. Okay. Yeah. What about you? Okay. It's back to me. All right. I will go.

I think I will go Number three turkey Okay Number two beef Number one chicken My girlfriend just got home As this started I love the idea of her coming in And just hearing us rank meats

And going What the fuck are they doing? But I don't know if this is better or worse than any of the other stuff we've said so far. Good point. Okay. So, yep. And then vegetables.

Okay. Interesting. I know what my number one is. Let's count it down. Yeah, I'm trying to think. Are you trying to think because there's not enough to fit in the top three? Not really. They're all just kind of on an equal plane for me, honestly.

Got to have them. Okay. Well, I mean, my number one is like it almost feels like it shouldn't count okay it's potato that's easy yeah so it's but it's for me it's literally that's easy for you but not a lot of people out there will be like no way yeah yeah but i'm saying for me it's potato yes and then just daylight and then just everything else is kind of under that as like right should have it yep gotta work it in where you can Not enjoying it Just putting it there Yeah but not being like God I'm busting to have a sweet potato tonight Okay

Right Give us Give us two You gotta give us two Single two out Alright Make two vegetables very happy A sweet potato

Yeah Um And That's a good pick I wouldn't have Remembered that But yeah that's good I will say I'm getting I'm I'm getting more into broccoli lately.

Oh, yeah, me too. Again, not for the taste, but for the just like – it's like the gym. It's like, man, I feel like I've earned a pat on the back. Yeah, right. Scoffing down some of this. Right. Yeah, fair enough. The way my wife cooks it, i do genuinely enjoy it so yeah i

don't i absolutely don't mind that i will i would never have done this before but i will have like a bit of meat and just broccoli with it yeah yeah yeah um but i would say i will go number three peas okay love peas yep number two carrot number one potato yeah but again daylight between potato just feels like it's like being asked what's your favorite salad and going Caesar. It just feels like it shouldn't count. I'm completely in agreeance with you, but I'm sure there's plenty of people out there that would disagree. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, do you remember this? We did this a couple of years ago and we saved it. I put this on our Facebook page. What's something, here's a question what's something that you inexplicably really don't like food wise oh yeah yeah remember that and we did we never come back we never came back to it i made the list yeah and we never came back to it but there was like we're gonna do one of these again in a couple days maybe we should should we break it out oh yeah it's time to finally get into it yeah okay we've got a few of these coming up in

the next couple weeks yeah it's a good one too there's a real inexplicable like what why the fuck would you not like that it's a good it's very i i assume we got onto it because it's like this is so commercial radio phone in topic yeah this will fire people up and there you'll get somewhere it's like what on earth are you talking about? I actually collated it all. And this was literally, I reckon, two to three years ago. It is a while back, yeah. We've got to break it out. Man, I've just found the file. Yeah, all right.

That's so funny. Put it on ice. We'll do it in the next couple eps maybe. Yeah. But yeah, wait. Wait, what's onion? Is onion a veggie or fruit? Fuck yeah. That's a great question.

But onion is in so many things that are good, but I'd never be like, yummy, onion. You know what I mean? It's a key part of like a good sauce. You know what my mum does whenever I go home? It's my favourite meal of the year. It's Christmas lunch and she'll roast meat and then all the roasted vegetables. She does roast onion and roast garlic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll eat the roast onion by itself and it's awesome. Yeah. Okay, I think I'm going to have to fuck broccoli off the list. Okay, onion. Onions are getting in there. And what was the other one? Potato, onions and-

Sweet potato. Sweet potato, okay. Sweet potato is good. Sweet potato is nice. I don't know how we linked that back to you and Horseburg, but Horseburger. And then that turned into that fucking hell. Jesus Christ. I don't know.

Do people complain when – as long as we're getting good content, it doesn't matter how loose this is relayed back to the name. If you're having a funny chat and it's like my name being read out created that comedy. If that hadn't have been for, you know, if I hadn't have existed or subscribed. I mean, you are our muse. Like we're like a painter that looked at you lying down naked and then drew a beautiful picture of a tree. Yeah, and then went, that'll be $10, thanks.

Yeah, I saw your tits and I drew a shrub instead. Yeah, come on. And it's no – Cough up. Yeah. You're welcome. Yeah. Well, thanks.

Thanks, Ewan. Thanks, Ewan. Yeah. And just one more and then we're out of this. Great. We're out of this for the day. Thank you very much. Patreon subscriber, Fifth for this week

Is Oh that's weird That's a bit of a coincidence Thank you very much To Patreon subscriber Potato Comedy Oh my god Wow

That's my number one Style of comedy Not only Are we big fans of it They're big fans of us Yeah That's crazy That makes me feel good

That we both had it number one Yeah yeah yeah Imagine if we'd had it number three Or not on the list And then we found out it was supporting the show. Totally, totally. Maybe we just knew in the back of our heads that's why potato is so good,

because it funds our lifestyle. It makes us feel good in two ways. Yeah, exactly. It nourishes us physically and financially. Thanks for giving back, Potato. Yeah. It's like when Naz is sponsored by avocados. We're now sponsored by potatoes. That's pretty cool. Thanks, spuds. Potato comedy, Potato. Yeah. It's like when Naz is sponsored by avocados. We're now sponsored by potatoes.

Yeah. That's pretty cool. Thanks, spuds. Potato comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Potato comedy. Yeah.

All right, everyone. Not only does Potato have eyes, it obviously has ears. It's listening to us. Yeah. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get your tickets for when we're in Perth. Come and check that out. November the-

Fourth. Right. And yeah, sign up to Patreon. Get the bonus episodes. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate.