The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 679 - Wil Anderson & Dave O'Neil

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

Hey You-Know-Whats! We're joined by DAVE O'NEIL and WIL ANDERSON for a HUGE episode this week. Tommy's had a surprising conversation with his parents about the upcoming referendum, Chandler's been having deep, deep conversations with his child and Dave's been performing for Japanese tourists. We also flash back to Dassalo's earliest days in comedy and an ill-fated PR stunt he pulled with the help of Wil Anderson PLUS The Chandler family home is on the market and there's something VERY interesting hidden in the listing... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Will Anderson and Dave O'Neill. You can come and see us live in concert, in person, Saturday, November the 4th, in beautiful Western Australia, in Perth, at Linot's Lounge. That's right, and then we're flying all the way there to Melbourne to do a live show, Tommy, on Saturday, November the 25th. Won't that be fun? Yeah, that'll be great. Get on to littledumbdumbclub.com.

Get tickets to those live shows. Come on out. We'll see you there. We'll talk to you more at the end of this episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this great new episode with Will Anderson and Dave O'Neill. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassel. And with me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

G'day, Dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave O'Neill and Will Anderson. Yay! Hey, pups. Comedy royalty. I haven't been here for your signature catchphrase for this podcast.

I feel like I've just been involved in a hate crime. Yes. I mean, I didn't think that through as we were having quite a lovely, mature conversation about old bands as we wandered in. We were, we were. That you were going to lure me into some horrible... That's it.

You'll get cancelled next to me. Man, I'm working for the bloody ABC I can't be I've got to that's true I've got to shut that shit down mate yeah sorry

do you know what I really randomly watched speaking of that because they're going to come for your day finally you know no everyone in the industry

everyone in the scene always goes Dave O'Neill can just say whatever he wants he gets away with it we don't know how but you're just going to you can say whatever

you want but I watched I was flicking around netflix if that's possible and i don't know why i was just clicking on like random like movies and watching just tiny little bits of it because i've never seen it yeah but i was i was using netflix like a tv but anyway yeah um and i clicked on i mean it is the tv yeah yeah it's mostly a tv they do what I mean they do have a shuffle thing now you can just click on a button that's like just serve me up

any old slop I don't care oh really I just want to be on the couch I don't give a fuck what's in front of me oh right okay isn't that brutal

so I clicked on Freddy vs Jason I don't know why I've never watched it or whatever and I clicked on a scene where there's a woman taunting Freddy Krueger and saying

look at your striped jumper. You look like a homophobic slur starting with F. And I'm like, I can't believe they're saying that. Like, that movie's only about 15 years old. But does she then get murdered? Is it meant to be like, oh, this woman had it coming because she's using a slur? Not really.

I mean, mostly everyone got murdered in that movie. I don't think it was like she got you know her just desserts or anything just happened to get murdered as well but like to use that in there also I'm not sure Freddie or Jason you know social justice what I was telling someone that last night I was like yes so Freddy Krueger could get cancelled off the back of this. Yeah, cancelled, yeah. And then it was Mike Golsan and he goes, that and the fact, you know, his backstory. He turned into Freddy Krueger because he, like, had sex with a lot of children.

I'm like, oh, yeah, okay. Well, that's probably the more important bit of cancelling Freddy Krueger than having the F-bomb involved. I like Will's idea, the social justice warrior murderer. That's a good film where it's like, you know, someone, oh, you've used their dead name. He's going to come for you. He's going to chase you down the alleyway. Just anyone says it. Go woke or choke.

Yeah, yeah. I met up with my parents yesterday. We had lunch around here. They've been in Europe for about a month and had to sit down with them and just kind of take the temperature of where they were at with the voice to parliament coming up. Oh, yeah. Did you really have to take – Well, they're like –

I would have thought they would have just been voting yes. Well, I just don't know. They're old enough where they're just like in that bubble where they're like so susceptible to just hearing one piece of bullshit and then taking it. They are huge Kamal fans. I really just want to know where kamal's exactly they're all they're older they're in leafy suburbs yeah they're well off yeah you know i mean look if if i wanted to build if i wanted to build a liberal voter i would probably build your parents exactly

yeah that's true and if they're going to pay the rent for someone, it's for Tommy. Yeah, I was getting ready to deflect the argument of like, a lot of them don't even want it to get through. You know, I was just like bracing myself for that. They've just heard it once from their fucking family. He's a stolen generation. He stole their wealth. That's the other reason Tommy's in this house. I actually had to say the speech to you at some point.

We are the original owners of this land, Tommy. Get your own flat. But so, I went in, I'd gotten that book that's come out. Yeah, that Kerry O'Brien wrote. What's the book? It explains what does. For people that are overseas.

Oh sure, we're about to have a referendum in this country about an Indigenous voice in Parliament. essentially an advisory board yeah a committee a committee I would say a committee

that they probably won't listen to you know yeah exactly it's really not that important well there's no entitlement to them to listen to it yes

like really they're just gonna and there's already anyway we don't need to get bogged down in the Tom Ballard there's a lot of other committees but let's just

quote yes people come on let's not get too let's not get too Tom Ballard. Let's keep this a comedy podcast. Let's go. Yeah, exactly. I mean, look, we've already had our fun with comparing it to me getting money from my parents.

We can move on from here. We've gotten everything we need out of this topic. But so I bought that book to sit down with my parents just in case. Just in case they were on the fence or they were leaning towards no. Which also, when I bought the book at Dimmicks, they gave me a receipt, which I love the idea of just turning back up and being like, yeah, not for me. Had a bit of a skim. Didn't really connect with it, honestly.

But so I go in and I'm like, I say to dad, like we're down the street here in Fitzroy. I'm like, so I've just got to ask like, yeah, which way are you leaning? And he's like, oh, yes. And I'm like, oh, okay, great. And he's like, am I allowed to say that around here? I'm like, around here? In Fitzroy. He's like, yeah, you know, there's so many oddbods around here.

I thought there'd be a lot of people voting no around here. I'm like, where the fuck do you think you are? But then maybe he just heard Dave O'Neill walking down the street saying, hey, Ports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, who knows? Who knows what people around here are thinking? Maybe you walked past a fight with Freddy Krueger.

So then I've just got this book and I'm like giving it to Dad, being like, well, you're probably more likely to encounter someone who's going to know than me. So just, I don't know, head down the local cafe. Some of the Yacht Club. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Or your mum.

Yeah, yeah. So that was a relief. Yeah, great. I am still decompressing from just before I left. I had an interesting conversation with my four-year-old. You're talking to your parents about it. Because as we know, kids say the darndest things. Yes.

Blankets voting no. A blanket no. No. blankets voting no yeah blanket a blanket no no well you know you're you're bringing up big issues to your to your parents

and she's bringing up big ones to me this morning sure so we're sitting around we're watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit oh my god

and then she just turns around to me and goes what happens at the end of the day and I go end of the day we go to bed

it's night time we go to sleep in general or specifically today no what happens what happens to us at the end of all the days oh and i was like what and she goes what happens to us at the end of all the days and i'm like i'm not fucking hooked up to give an answer to this is this because she's watching Judge Doom dip the little chew into the dip? I guess so. I guess she's seeing... Is she hosting Willosophy? This sounds like my shit. No.

Literally, a chew went down my spine. I'm like, what happens at the end? It's not even like what happens when we die. What happens at the end of days? The end of all the days.

I can't wait to see a little James Fosdyke drawing a blanket with a little quote underneath. What happens at the end of all the days? I was like, are we... I was going through Dr. Seuss, not end of all the days? I was like, are we,

I was going through Dr. Seuss, not the fucking Bible. Yeah, it's like an Armageddon thing. Yeah, it's an Armageddon question. It's like the end of days. It's like the reckoning at the end of the day.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm too scared to like deal with that question. I can't fucking deal with it on behalf of a child. So you, so what,

you just, you just said, I don't know. I just treated it like the birds and the bees. I was like, oh, you mean at the end of the day and she's like, no, we and the bees. I was like, oh, you mean at the end of the day. And she's like, no, we go to sleep.

I'm like, well, that kind of answers it. I think it was the other thing. That's a good answer, honestly. I think you say, ask your mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just said, oh, no, it's bath time. Yeah, okay. 9 a.m.?

I actually saw a bit of an end of days thing the other day when I was in the city. I've never seen this before. I walked past a shop that just had a big sign over the door that said, everything's free. It was like a knockoff typo, like a novelty stationary kind of place. That's clearly like the business has gone under or they haven't paid the rent or whatever.

And whoever's in charge of the building is just like, we just got to get rid of all this shit. People were going crazy. People were really just loading pencils up into their backpacks. There was a little kid just running around the store going, everything's free, everything's free. And it was like, I got to feel like I was in the movie, like, you know, when shit's kicking off.

Like the real end of days thing. I was like, oh, this is what it'd be like. Well, it's socially acceptable looting, isn't it? Yeah, it truly was. You get the vibe of it. Yeah. That was Supermarket Sweep. Remember that TV show?

Oh. Supermarket Sweep. Yes. Where you got a shopping trolley, you had to go around the supermarket and put shit in your trolley. It was crazy. I loved that show as a kid.

That was a great show. Yeah, because you had to go around. Can you tell me what the actual game was? Yes. So you would go around the actual game was? Yes. So you would go around, and it was like such a bad lesson for anyone growing up about commerce or anything like that. You go around with a shopping trolley, and you had to just try and pick up the most expensive items. And when you came back, they would go, oh, you picked up avocado, so that's worth $10 a thing. That's right.

So that's extra points. It wasn't like go and pick up anything you need or you want. It was literally just find the most expensive things in the market. But how did you win? By having the most avocados in your shopping trolley or whatever, the most expensive items. Like if you picked up too many apples instead of avocados, you fucking loser. It was nothing.

A lot of the price is right though. The stereo would always be five grand. You're like, what? You know where they had to put, or the holiday would be really expensive, where you had to put in order how cheap and how expensive an item is. I reckon the holiday would always throw someone,

like holiday to the Gold Coast. You're thinking, well, that's a grand. Then it was like eight grand. You're like, oh, I can't believe it. We didn't tell you. We fly you business class. Yeah, one of those ones, oh, I got this hammer. It's worth eight grand from the US government.

Yeah, great. It's Thor's hammer. It's great. It's movie prop, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew a guy who worked on the Price is Right, not in Australia, but in America, and he said the trick to it, to winning it,

was the wisdom of the crowd. Never trust your own intuition. So true. But apparently, like the wisdom of the crowd if you listen to them they generally got it right all the time yeah oh no yeah yeah yeah so true hold your hand over here yeah yeah treat them like the metal detector just kind of slowly scanning around have you ever done family feud i've I've done Family Feud a few times. No. I did with my actual family against Fiona Lachlan's family.

Really? Oh mate, yeah. Fiona Lachlan could get enough of her family together. Did they know it wasn't an actual feud? Yeah.

It was years ago. Because Burt Newton was hosting. I love it. The writers set up for both families. It's like one of them's like, oh, name a lolly. And then the next one's like, name alcohol.

Like, oh, fuck. All right. We're one all here. Name a personal family grievance. Mummy's lying on the couch and won't get off. What is the reason? Mogadon, Valium. Name an acceptable greeting for a family member.

Hey, Pooks, is that on the board? All right, now to the other family. Name where you live. Fuck! I knew you'd do a tricky one. Name your daughter. Well, we had the question. Walk along this line.

Hey, that's not a real question for Family Feud. That's not cool. Blowing this bag. Hey, that's not a real question for Family Feud. That's not cool. Blowing this bag. We had the question, what do you do before you go on a date? Okay, everyone have a crack. What's the number one thing you do before you go on a date? Have a shower. Very good.

Anyone else? Brush your teeth. Yes, that's what I said. Brush your teeth. Bert Newton's like, okay, Dave, brush your teeth. Ding, pick of the board. Then my brother Mark gets up and Bert goes, what do you do before you go on a date?

And Mark goes, brush your teeth. I'm like, I just said that. How many things can you do? We got beaten by Fiona's. There was a funny period where my dad had to go up against Fiona's youngest daughter. Right. I can't remember her name, but that was hilarious. My dad would have been 70 against a 16- remember her name But that was hilarious Because my dad

Would have been 70 Against like a 16 year old It was hilarious So what it's you Your brother Your parents No it was me My brother

My brother's wife Really wanted to do it And then my dad Yeah And then it was Fiona Her husband Emily Her sister

And one of her kids Bindi It was Bindi Yeah it was Bindi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi B kids Bindi it was Bindi yeah it was Bindi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi

Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi Bidi, Bidi, Bidi, Bidi, Bidi, Bidi, Bidi, Bidi, Bidi, B TV like the big city TV the channel 7 affiliate yeah and so that was what not win which is

channel 9 affiliate and Southern Cross which was channel 10 oh wow yes it was yeah and if you're lucky you had All Star

but anyway so we went down they had an open day where they had like you know actual channel 7 celebrities were coming down to this open day

so we decided me and my mates decided we'd go out to this like you know open day and one of the my mates decided we'd go out to this open day. And one of the biggest celebrities they had there was Rob Ruff, the guy who used to host Family Feud. What piece of clothing often ends up as a rag?

Let's go to the board. I was going to go, where's the weirdest place you've had sex? Up my arse. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Because he was at Queensland. you see him reading the news in queensland that's right yeah yeah so rob bruff and this i i you know when you meet somebody and they say something to you that you know is their standard thing yeah that they say to every single person so this is what he said to me. He goes, I said, hey, Rob, you know, really love the show because, you know, what else do you say

in that situation, right? And he says, you know, we really do survey a hundred people. Oh, wow. Got his back up straight away. Wow. But the questions are often often it's the same answer but just a different

word. So it's like, what do you find on the ground? And I think I said dirt. The next one was soil. It's like, well, it's the same answer, but it's just a different word. So it's like, what do you find on the ground? And I think I said dirt. And the next one was soil. It's like, well, that's the same thing. It's just so funny seeing clips of the American one. And it's like, it's so dirty. It's so bawdy. It'll be like, what's something you can put in your mouth?

And they'll be like, the mum's like, oh, Lord, don't make me say it. And Steve Harvey's like, you're nasty. Well, there was an episode do you remember Burjo's catchphrase? oh yeah I love that show. So I saw an episode of Burjo's catchphrase where so they used to you know draw the like it was the cartoons and then

you had to identify from the cartoons what the popular catchphrase was right and so the it was a it was a cloud blowing the words so the words someone because like they wouldn't like it's like you know they'd like to put a word in as well yeah we can't we can't make this too hard we're just gonna have that goes into the cartoons and the herald son he'd write john howard underneath yeah yeah i love a bit of that. Great. We didn't know who it was. Joe's catchphrase was very much in that zone.

Yeah. So it's a cloud with lips blowing on the word someone. Right? Okay. And so... I still don't have it. No, don't have it. Well, blow someone is like what it...

Oh, what? Blow someone off. What it looked like was blow someone. It was actually to put the wind up someone was actually the catchphrase. Oh, Jesus Christ. Right? And the cloud was meant to be the wind.

To put the wind up someone was actually the catchphrase. But it honestly looked like blow someone, right? That's actually what it looked like. Right. And the woman buzzed in and she says, I think I know it, John,

but I can't say it out loud. And Berger went over and she whispered blow someone in his ear and he just started laughing and he said that's not it but they left that in.

Oh really? I've got it John. Sucking someone's penis until semen comes out. Oh what? I was watching Wheel of Fortune once when that guy hosted it.

Not Baby John but Rob someone. Rob he was a former Triple M a younger guy with black hair. Yeah, yeah. What was the show? Sorry, what was the show?

Wheel of Fortune, where you spun the wheel. They had to buy letters. You'd buy a vowel, buy a letter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know the guy. You know the guy.

Anyway. I just didn't know the guy. That's all. Yeah, Rob. I think his name was Rob. Anyway. Well, I think it was. He did a few things for a while.

Yeah. He was kind of like the... Wasn't Ed Phillips from Battle of the Sexes? I was going to say that's who I was thinking about. Yeah, similar to him, but another guy. And this woman said, I'd like to buy an E.

And he looked at the camera and went, I wouldn't mind buying an E. That's ecstatic. Yes. Genuinely, if that, if Burgos catchphrase, I loved Burgos catchphrase. If it had have been around a bit earlier, I reckon that would have been the make a wish from me. I reckon that would have trumped the laptop. Oh, yeah. Going on Burgos catchphrase. Oh, yeah. Just this sick kid wheeled out with a drip. I reckon that would have been the make a wish from me I reckon that would have trumped the laptop going on Burjo's

catchphrase just this sick kid wheeled out with a drip with that e-joke which you don't hear e-jokes anymore but when I first started comedy

I did a spot I remember getting the call up for community TV I was going to get filmed six months in I was literally ringing people going oh my god

I'm going to be on TV I'm going to be on channel 31 like no one's watching it. 10 o'clock at night on a Monday night, whatever. And I had five minutes. That's all I had.

And then one of the jokes was something to do with scrabble and buying and like, you know, eating an E or whatever. It's good shit. And then I went on, I went, I went on and I'm like,

I've got all, I've got this type five. That's all I've got. I've really got probably four and a half just slowed down. You found your comedic voice. Yes. What you actually need is a book called Finding Your Comic Genius. I recommend to you.

So I go on there and I've got all that ready to go. It's being filmed and everything. And the MC does an identical joke just before me and then brings me on and like i said i've got i've got i've got four and a half stretched to five and that ain't just a tent pole in the set if that goes everything's it's a load-bearing joke yeah exactly i've got nothing to put in there so i go out there and do the same joke and just hear the audience go what what yeah we literally heard that joke two minutes ago. Is this a callback?

And not only that, it's no good. Now we had to hear a no good joke twice. That would be great if the MC had done it, got no reaction and you thought, no, I can turn this around. They just didn't get the inflection right. My first TV spot was on Midday. The Midday Show?

The Midday Show. Hosted by Mike Walsh at that point or Ray Martin? So it went Mike Walsh, Kerry Ann? No, Ray Martin. Ray Martin, yeah. Then Darren, then Kerry Ann, I think. And I reckon it was 94, so I would have only been four years in. Are you Wally the Worker?

Wally the Worker? Do you remember that guy? Yes. Such a deep cut that even Will doesn't appreciate. Even with the RSL comic, he would go on in a hard hat and overalls and say stuff like, oh, you know, like it's time for my smoko, you know. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to bash my wife.

Yay! It's a character. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, but it was funny. You've got maybe 15 or 20 minutes of content, but you've only got four minutes probably for the TV. Remember when you do your first TV spot, you squash it all into four minutes.

So I went on midday, but I killed it because I went out to the audience beforehand. They're all old ladies, the midday audience. And I said, look, my mum and dad are watching at home. Please laugh. I don't want to die on TV. And they loved me. And so the guy goes, oh, you were great.

We'll get you back. I think about two weeks later they called me up. Said, can you come back? I had to go back. I had no material. And then I'm sitting in the green room. And the guy comes up. He goes, oh, they're a terrible audience.

They're all Japanese tourists. It was that long ago we had Japanese tourists. And he goes, so we'll just bump you. I'm like, oh, good. I'll get my bag. And I was almost standing in the forward. He comes up'm like, oh, good, I'll get my bag. And I was almost standing in the forward. He comes and goes, oh, no, you're on. You've got to go on.

Yeah, it was terrible. So you're visiting here from Osaka. You're going to watch a taping of the morning show. And Dave O'Neill's coming out and doing stand-up. I mean, what sort of... Where do you go to school? Fukushima High? Oh, yeah, right.

Who's from Nagasaki? Yeah. I mean, can you imagine what sort of dodgy tourism company has got a deal with the Midday Show as well? Are you going to go and say a very successful Australian television show? Yeah, do you guys like Letterman? Come on in. Darren Hinge.

Do you remember that? Jeff Harvey. I don't know if that still happens. Your dog's insane, by the way, Tommy. Does that still happen where they would get Japanese tourists in and then bring them to Newcastle and say, this is Sydney, and they just wouldn't know any better? Oh, really?

Do you remember that scan? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like a really, really recent scan. And they'd show them the Newcastle Bridge and go, that's the Sydney. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Yes, absolutely. But because the tourists knew absolutely no English, Newcastle Bridge and go that's the Sydney Oh really? I didn't know that Yes Absolutely

But because the tourists knew absolutely no English they couldn't corroborate it with anyone else and it was only like this one group of Japanese people at a time

on these tours I would just get told it was like seeing fucking you know Newcastle Town Hall and going well that's the Opera House

everyone and everyone's gone back to Japan thinking they've seen all this stuff Do you want to go on the Great Ocean Road? Great Ocean Road? Just get in the car.

We'll drive to Wollongong. Off we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, crazy. Well, talking of your starting out, Dave, this is something I've always... I don't think we've ever talked about this on the show, Will,

but when I first started stand-up, one of the things that I heard early on was, Will Anderson, great supporter of new comedians. Great guy. Always happy to help people out. Well, this seems like it'll go well. No, no, it does go well.

It's actually good. This was my first, this was like maybe one of my first experiences with you. I don't know if you remember this, but so early days of doing comedy, me and this guy I started out with, we were doing a show in the Comedy Festival. And he doesn't do comedy anymore. He's deceased. No, he's not. He's deceased in comedy terms. He's dead to the industry.

He got out. Tommy can't dead name him. Comedy dead name him. That's Ralph Harris. Anyway. We started out together. I'm 80. You. Yeah, yeah. We started out together. Deren Hinge. I'm 80.

You both had stage names. Tommy Dastlow, Jake the Pig, you know. Anyway. You might know him. You wrote a little bookie-wookie. Oh, yes. The king. But, yeah, me and this guy. He's not the guy in Masturbating Doorways.

Not that bloke. You're going to have to narrow it down. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah.

So me and him, we were planning a comedy festival show. And we came up with this, what we thought was this great idea for a publicity stunt that would get us some press attention. Yeah. And this is like long enough ago that like, I think this is like pre-Facebook, maybe just pre-Facebook. It would have been. Because you know what? This is before my time in comedy.

So they invented Facebook and you thought it's time to start stand-up comedy. Carl wasn't interested in comedy if there wasn't Facebook, secret Facebook groups you could bitch about stand-up comedy. I don't know what you're talking about. I've got to wait for these to be invented. What else am I going to screenshot and share with my friends? Looks like someone, sounds like someone didn't get an invite. This is not the kidnapping thing.

This is the kidnap, yeah, sort of, yeah. Oh, I remember this. Yeah, so this was like, everything was run on, not everything was run, but there was like a very popular Australian comedy based forum. Yes. A web message board where people would go and like promote gigs and stuff like that. Oh, yes, that's right.

And so people would get on there and plug their gigs and people that did comedy would be on there kind of like interacting with the people that were like punters and fans and stuff. And so me and my friend, we came up with this idea. We got really – we read about the Hutt River Province in Western Australia. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is a little town that's like an independent for whatever weird legal loophole they were classified for a long time

as like an independent nation so they had their own passports their own driver's licenses they don't want to pay taxes basically kind of yeah reverse engineer yeah he was a farmer yeah he was a cooker before we had cookers he the original yeah so we came back when we found those people like charming charming yeah we called them oddbots into the fucking nutcase yeah yeah yeah yeah character yeah yeah character yeah well again it's pre-facebook so there was no outlet for all their kooky views it was just like the original sovereign citizen yes exactly yes yeah he had his own money he had his own money and stuff. Yeah, you had to get your own driver's license from them.

So me and my friend, for whatever reason, we read about this place and thought it was just funny and weird. And then we cooked up this idea where we thought, what if we promote on this message board that we're going there to do a gig with a bunch of comedians? And then the publicity stunt will be that I've, at the gig, I've kind of like made some jokes about the king of this sovereign nation and he's like cracked it and arrested me.

And so the whole part of it was like this guy that I did comedy with, he'd come back to Melbourne and then he's posting on the message board going, guys, they've locked up Tommy Dasolo. He's a political prisoner in the Hutt River province. We need to try and like – And that guy was Julian Assange. And so as part of it, we're so precocious. We're like a couple of years into comedy.

As part of this, I think he had met you once or twice, Will, or maybe I had met you once or twice. We got these T-shirts made that said Free Dasolo on them and had a photo of my head and we contacted will and this is like when the glass house is on tv and we said to you hey this is this dumb thing we're doing would you wear one of the t-shirts on the show and you say yeah sure send one over and then me and my friend are sitting there thinking like oh he's probably just said that to be nice. Like there's no way.

And then we're watching The Glasshouse that week, intro shot, camera panning into you wearing a T-shirt that says Free Dassolo and has a picture of my little head on it that you're just wearing this shirt for the entirety of this episode of The Glasshouse. You know what the great news is? I don't remember that and that may be because I used to buy a knee. And I wouldn't have minded if that joke was repeated more than once. I would have called that a double drop of that little.

You've got to have a lot of memories of those times. Making a lot of great decisions, it sounds like. You also came into Nova you really don't remember that no that's amazing

you came into Nova yeah I think because we made a poster for the gig so we asked a couple of people I think

hang on so you came into Nova and the receptionist goes Tommy Desolo is here to see you I'm like what so I go

I remember going to the boardroom with Dave yeah yeah his name was Dave yeah and we had this whole the whole thing was like because we wanted it to all look legit

so we made a poster for the gig that we were doing in the Hutt River province and we asked people I think we maybe even asked Husey we were like can we put you can we say that you've done this gig

can we put you on the poster so that it looks legit yes and he was like I can't remember I think he said yes right I think we just

did he try to get paid for it oh man 100% would have put an invoice in yeah in hot river bucks hot river bucks yeah no worries Dave

the king will get this invoice cleared up nice and promptly you've got to spend this money so hang on so once you sent the t-shirt to Will and Will wore it on the show, are you in hiding at this point to make it convincing

that you were actually kidnapped at this? Great question because then – so we really don't think too far beyond this point of it, if you can believe that. And then there was a point where one of these huge comedy fans on this forum was like, I think I'm going crazy because I just went down to the shops and I swear I saw Tommy Tass. And my friend's just there being like, well, it couldn't possibly be him

because as we've discussed, he's still imprisoned in the heart of River. I'll refer you to Will Anderson's T-shirt. What did the actual live show, what did you do in the live show then? Dave, we didn't do the, oh, you mean the show that we were promoting? Yeah. Well, anyway, let's skip forward too far. So you're supposed to be hiding underground, so you're not. You're not hiding.

You've just set the shirt in. Yeah, yeah. And then you're going around still doing gigs, presumably. No, I wasn't doing gigs, but this person just literally saw me down the street and was like, oh, I think I'm having a fucking manic episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've just seen him out in the street. So out of the two comics, like, you know, comics,

everyone's attention-seeking. How did you decide that you were going to be the one that gets to be on the shirt? You're the funny one. He's the straight guy. He's the one setting you up. He's the one coming back and being like, guys, we have to, like – You want to be the missing guy, don't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although if you were actually going to do the thing, like there would be the missing guy would have to actually be missing, right? Like it actually would take more to be the missing guy if you were going to follow through with the joke. The non-missing guy gets to do all the publicity to it. That was a bit of it too, yeah. So I think in the end of it, I've got to see if we've got,

if my friend has footage or a screen grab still of Will in the Free Dasselo t-shirt. Yeah. I've got a friend from school. Actually, my dad still – Get him to wear it on Gruen. My dad still has a Free Dasselo shirt that he busts out from time to time. Yeah, nice.

Still in his cupboard. Yeah, yeah. Was he voting no on that one too? But then like a bunch of the people on this forum... The rates of incarceration with death loads are too high. But then, yeah, I think we got like a little thing in the paper and we got like little bits of press about it, which then the stupid thing was, our festival show was just,

we're just two open micers doing 20 minutes each. This didn't factor into the show at all. I had nothing to do with the show. It literally was just to try and get our names out there in this brazen guerrilla marketing campaign thing. And then when the people on this forum found out that we had been using them to just do this stunt they were very mad and they and they were like that's it you know we're never supporting these guys again

oh wow you've just shot yourselves in the foot and that's now here i am 15 years later day after grand final hung over and doing a podcast so who fucking really won here who won guys yeah yeah well the bloke who wore your t-shirt didn't even remember, so I'm sure they don't remember. Yeah. So they don't care. Well, thank you, Will. Do you reckon those nerds are still going to shows? Probably.

Yeah. That's interesting. They'd probably listen to this. Yeah. Probably. They'd probably be loving their little shout-out. If they were on a comedy fan board 15 years ago, surely they're listening to this.

Yeah, the world of the message board is such a different world. I remember that. There was a TV one, too too where we used to get on when we were writers on Full Frontal and people would hang shit on the show and we'd go, yeah, well, we're the writers and have a crack back at them. And then John Safran did a show

and we were fighting with him. We all knew him, but we were fighting with him on that message board. TV something was cool. So, Will, if an open mic hits you up now on some form of social media or whatever and goes yeah

I'm faking my own death can you wear a t-shirt saying RIP on Gruen you've got to pay it forward Tommy Dassler now that you're in a position of power on a podcast

if an open mic wants you to wear a t-shirt you should wear it on the podcast yeah great we can describe it for people yeah great point if

anyone wants me to help them with a scam that they've got going on an open mic an open mic with a scam publicity stunt yes i'm more than happy yes yeah and you are because we need you to talk about on this show yeah i mean that moment of tuning into glasshouse and it was like the long the kind of like the smash zoom in in to my little head on your chest. I was like, oh, my God, this is the greatest moment of my life. It was unbelievable. Look, I mean, you know, firstly, you know, we made over 200 episodes of that show,

so I had to wear a lot of different things. It was nice to have something to not have to think that way. Also, I wanted to Ted the director Producer guy Didn't say What's that What's a shirt mean

That's what we found very funny Was like Anyone being like I guess this must be Some cool brand That I'm not hip enough To know about They weren't

I would wear such Weird shit on that show Like old ABC sports shirts And stuff That I'd find in wardrobe They'd probably look And went It's probably Nelson Mandela's

right-hand man who's a white guy. DeSalo. Oh yeah. DeSalo. Free DeSalo. Free DeSalo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's an Afrikaner but he's on the right side. People talk about the DeSalo effect like I swear he died in jail in the Hunt River Province in 2007. I swear he was missing.

I just saw him in a 7-Eleven buying three tubs of Ben & Jerry's. Mate, we've got to find Coney and we've got to free DeSalo those are the two tubs we've got to do

it's like buying some E's down the street I might get another run of these shirts done yeah get them done totally I mean

yeah it's one of those things where you like I so I am not on social media anymore oh really

I know don't talk about it all no I I ghosted it so I'm I exist So I am not on social media anymore. Oh, really? I know. Don't talk about it at all. No, I ghosted it. So I exist. The best way to leave social media is not tell anyone you've left. You're a lurker. You still look at it?

No, no, no, no, no, no. My management have almost... I wouldn't be able to log in even if I wanted to. Oh, really? You exist, but your management controls it. Yeah, best way to do it. Right. Because I hate all those people that make an announcement that they're leaving social media,

and then like three weeks later, they're back on social. That to me is like, if I was one of those people, that would be the absolute worst. So just around, it was probably about a year ago now, like I just decided I wanted to be off it completely. I'd kind of been getting back from it anyway, and I just was like, best way to do it is leave your avatar there so no one kind of asked about it and then just like fuck off for like the first couple of months i had logins and stuff so i still could have like gone and

checked or whatever and i did kind of check messages and stuff for a little while just to make to let people know but then after a while like like i'd handed all the passwords over and whatever and so even if i tried to like a message would go to someone else not to me can we run it it's can we run it there would be because i know the sort of messages that i used to get so sometimes you would get those sort of weird requests or yeah like something really full-on or like something sexual or whatever yeah and like my man you welcome, by the way. My manager... All from Carl. I need some juice for these private Facebook groups.

Come on. Give me some goss. I'll breathe my death alone. But there is, yeah. So, because my management don't check any of the messages. Yeah. So, that all just is now... There's this giant bucket of...

Like, so, like in three years from now, it would be really fascinating to go back and just like go through the bucket and see what had like. Can you get your management to post a tweet about me being imprisoned in the Hutt River province? Because I'm still there, by the way. I'm doing this over Zoom. The T-shirt didn't work. Nice of you to wear it, but it didn't get results.

I'm still locked up. Nice of your dad to wear it, but it didn't get results. I'm still locked up. Nice of your dad to wear it but do nothing about it. Yeah. You know what the most horrible thing is for Carl is that Tommy is now dating Pamela Anderson. Oh. Oh, my God. Locked up in the Australian embassy in the Hutt River Province.

Are you running a gig down there in the Hutt River Province? What are you doing down there? Yeah. The Chuckle Hut. Yeah, yes, yes. Yeah, the Hut Removed Promise. It's a good idea. I got off Twitter because my daughter kept dobbing on me

for having fights with cookers. So to my wife, you know, Mom, Dad's fighting with the cookers again. Yeah, you love it at the moment. You love a bit of social media scrapping. Yeah, it's been on Facebook, but I got off Twitter. Because Twitter, what happened, there were these two guys I used to fight with,

and they posted a photo of themselves. And I said, Jesus Christ, guys. Have you ever heard of makeup or having a wash? And then they said, we're just average blokes. And I'm like, oh, yeah, these guys. I drive a forklift during the day. And so I said, then what are you giving opinions on health issues, like the pandemic and stuff? And then they made up memes of Dave O'Neill hates forklift during the day. And so I said, then what are you giving opinions on health issues, like the pandemic and stuff?

And then they made up memes of Dave O'Neill hates forklift drivers. And my photo next to forklift drivers. Wow. You versus a union. Yeah, and I thought, I better get off it now for a while. I love that as a comeback to someone who you think is ugly. Have you ever heard of makeup?

Yeah. Or a wash. Seriously, guys. It's called L'Oreal. Get around it. Not that sort of make-up. I'm talking like the full kiss treatment. Yes.

Have you ever thought of painting your face like a cat? You're appearing on some form of TV. Anyway. Speaking of comedy fans like we were before, I had a, we get plenty of these, you know,

podcast listeners. Thanks to everyone that comes up and says hello at gigs or down the street or whatever it is. There's always plenty of them. I,

this is a new one for me. I, the other day, I was in the pool and with my child and she was making friends with another kid and then we sort of got you know you have to sort of deal with the other parents or whatever and that happened like three weeks in a row until the third week and the woman was like really standoffish with me the whole

time i'm like trying to say hello whatever and she's like giving me zero like okay but we have to sort of deal with each other because the kids are friendly. Is this because you were telling your child about death? Here's what happens at the end of all days. You go to the bottom of the pool. Yeah. So anyway, the third week, she goes, like the kids are talking and then she says in front of the kids,

oh, look, you guys are friends. Me and your daddy are going to make friends now. Hi, my name's this thing. And then she goes, and what's your name? And I said, Carl. And she goes, yes, Carl, right. Carl, do you have a podcast? Oh, no.

And I go, yes. And she goes, yes, I know your podcast. Oh, no. And I'm like, oh, like, that's weird, especially when you've got your shirt off in the water, like next to someone with not very many clothes on as well, to sort of get you back up like that. And she goes, yes, I know your podcast.

I'm like, okay. And I'm like, you know'm like you know of course immediately defensive going well sorry sorry about that or I don't know maybe the husband listens yeah whatever it is I mean what a

like great insight into your life where if somebody says they are aware of your work your immediate reaction is defence yeah I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry yeah yeah yeah and so that's gone over for three weeks you're the guy shits himself yeah yeah oh yeah. And so that's gone over for three weeks. You're the guy who shits himself. Yeah, yeah. Are you allowed in this pool by yourself?

Or Blanket goes for a sleepover at this kid's house and she's like, why is there a shrine to my daddy in this house? So was she a fan? No, it was good because of all that. It was a nice little one-two punch. So she goes, yeah, yeah, look, you seem nicer than you are on the pod.

That's good. And I'm like, okay, well, yeah. Look, it's all showbiz, you know. You've got to showbiz. You've got to amplify things and things like that. And then she's like, yeah, anyway. She goes, anyway, I don't listen anymore. But anyway, yeah, it was, you know. So she'd listened in the past. Yeah, yeah, anyway. She goes, anyway, I don't listen anymore. But anyway, yeah, it was, you know.

So she'd listened in the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the thing. It's like, oh, it's cool to have a listener or whatever. She goes, oh, I don't immediately, I don't listen anymore. Like, oh, okay. Well, thanks for implying I am a cunt. And then you don't even bother listening anymore.

Yeah. Okay, well. I reckon I can at least equal that. I was in Warburton recently. I went away for a weekend with my girlfriend and we went to this pub called The Launching Place. We were having lunch and the guy taking our order, he's like, hey, I've just got to say,

I'm a big fan of the podcast. It's great. Thanks for coming in here. It's great to meet you and everything. We're having a bit of a chat and I'm like, oh, cool. I'm there with my girlfriend and then she goes to the bathroom. He comes back to bring out our order and i'm like oh cool i'm there with my girlfriend and then she goes to the bathroom he comes back to bring out our order and i'm like bit we you know it must be a bit weird like you know running into uh you know running into a listener of the pod when i'm here with

my girlfriend you know because of the whole mass pega thing this probably feels a bit weird and he's like what i haven't listened for ages i've just outed myself here I've just given you way more information than I needed to sorry mate I mean I love just that so I was getting a new phone the other day and it was one of those situations where you'd had to like order the phone the new phone had come out

and so you had to order online and go and pick it up at the shop sort of thing and so there's a line of people and there's like a checker at the front and it's like the oldest lady who works at like the apple shop like she's like you know like 70s i'm gonna say really at the apple shop right yeah it's not like the one old person they've employed and they've got her to check everyone's qr codes as they come in the line that's her job yeah like once you need to actually deal with any other technology that's handed on to you one of the young people yes but you know the old lady she QR codes as they come in the line. That's her job. Like once you need to actually deal with any other technology,

it's handed on to one of the young people. But you know, the old lady, she can check the, and I've got like my mask on, I'm in a shop, you know, like I'm,

so I'm like, you know, quite covered up. You have to hand over your ID for the thing. And she looks at it and she looks up at me and she goes, Oh, I haven't seen you on TV much lately. Oh,

I don't love that. And I'm like, firstly, I've been on TV as much. Don't you love that? Firstly, I've been on TV as much as I usually have. But also... How'd she miss out on that? You're on the ABC. You're 70.

Sorry you're not popping up in Midsomer Murders. What are you doing? Hanging out at the Apple shop. I had to get a guy to do my... You're the one In the wrong place I'm in the right place I'm on the ABC

You should see me Your TV's welded on ABC Exactly You should have a landline What are you doing in this shop You're probably still Watching the glass house You should be selling

Apple landlines Apples Actual apples That's what you should be selling I had a guy Into my drains I had to ring him up With a drain

And he goes What's your name mate I'll come over up with a drain. And he goes, what's your name, mate? I'll come over. I go, it's Dave O'Neill. He goes, hang on a minute. Am I talking to Dave O'Neill, the movie star? The movie star. I go, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. We'll go with that.

And then I go, to be fair, what movies are we talking about? Yeah. The Nugget. The Nugget. Well, I think you meant The Nugget. Takeaway. I mean, you've been in movies. Yeah, sure. You've starred in movies. It's 20 years Yeah. The Nugget. The Nugget. Well, I think you meant The Nugget. Takeaway. I mean, you've been in movies. Yeah, sure.

You've starred in movies. It's 20 years ago. Star's a big word. Yeah, star's a big word. It's 20 years ago. You've been in probably the most movies of nearly any Australian comedian. You've been in a lot. Well, if anyone in this room.

Well, that's true. Not a lot get made. Yeah. Not anymore. But still. Not after you made a few. Yeah, exactly. That's more. Back in those days. Not after you made a few. Yeah, exactly. That's weird.

That's so weird. Well, Steve encouraged you. Australia. There was a big boom period. Yeah, you're right. Did you ever get that as a bad review for the nugget? It says what it says on the tin. It's a fucking nugget, all right?

No, but I do remember the takeaway headline in the Herald Sun that Lee Patch wrote, as dim as it seems, I think. Oh, nice. Yeah, nice. I already go on that someone should have took it away before I went to the movies. Well, Stephen Curry, when he did,

he did a part in, he was in Takeaway, he was on the leads, right? And he did a part in Thor, he told me, and he said, when he sat down with Hemsworth, Hemsworth said, me and my my brothers big fans of Takeaway because he said if it was a person 10 years younger than him they were 13 years of age when Takeaway came out and he said every any fan he meets at Takeaway was 13 at the time Dave O'Neill and Takeaway that was the jackass of his day yeah yeah that was me I was I'm in that age bracket

where it was like when I was in high school loved the film. First and only time you're going to be compared to a Hemsworth. I like that because that also has

that vibe of like when you hear about one of those bands where you're like it wasn't the biggest album in the world but everyone who listened to it went and formed their own band.

Oh yeah. Not a lot of people watched it but everyone who did became a major Hollywood star. There would be no MCU without Takeaway. Chris Hemsworth, Liam Hemsworth, the short one. I mean, I watched it

and I thought one day I'm going to ask this guy to do a fake gig in the Hart River province. I probably could have aimed a little higher. Probably should have set my sights higher than that.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Far out. I am, well, yeah, talking about fans and all that stuff I we talked about this

a while back on the show my folks are selling up so their house in Maribor oh my god was it wait you were going to have a windfall of

40 grand no come on it's a very desirable area there's water running through it it's going to be handy come the apocalypse

don't worry there's no hospital in Marborough, though, is there? So it's not good for all. Yes, there is. Is there a hospital in Maryborough? It's not a very good one. But Dave, you used to be a man of the people. Yeah.

Look at you. You're bagging out forklift drivers. Forklift drivers. You own property in Lorne. You're making fun of the Chandler homestead. Exactly. Is there like a farm? What's the nightclub in Maryborough?

Oh, what is the nightclub? Come on, you tell me. I don't know. I've done that gig with you out there. What was that, the Scottish Club or something? The Highlander? The Violence Society. Yeah.

Slash the Violence Society. Yeah. No, look, the big place to go to was the Bull and Mouth Hotel. I don't know. The Bull and Mouth. Yeah, I don't know the equivalent name. The Bull in Mouth? The Bull and Mouth Hotel.

Oh, okay. That's such a good name. Yeah. The Bull and Mouth. Yeah, you know, it's so funny because it's like, yeah, to you guys, now I'm hearing it through your ears. I'm like, yeah, that's fucked in the head. What the fuck does that mean?

Bull and mouth. Bull and mouth. It's not the bull and horn. Not the bull and horn or the bull and hoof. It's the bull and mouth. Bull and mouth. Yeah. Two separate things.

The bull didn't have a mouth. Well, the bull does have a mouth. You're right. Unrelated. Yeah. Weird. But you know what the funny thing is? This is something that would have been on Burjo's catchphrase

when they'd run out of catchphrases. In the later years, the catchphrase would be like, I'm going to the shops. But when you hear British pubs and they're like the slug and lettuce, you're like, well, they're slugs and lettuce. Yeah, go together. Related to each other. Yeah, that's right.

I don't know how, but... The bull and mouth. Well, you eat the... I don't know how, but... The Bull and Mouth. Well, you eat the... I don't know. No, but not only that, but also really confusingly, because Maribor is a small town, but then it's got a lot of tiny little satellite towns around it, like five minutes, ten minutes away,

that have their own little pubs. There was another Bull and Mouth five minutes away. What? In a town called Holford. Was it a chain or was it a franchise? Not a chain. Not a chain at all. It wasn't owned by the original

Bull and Mouth people. There was a rival Bull and Mouth that wasn't Back when there was no internet, no cars you were like five minutes away was enough to sort of go

you know what I reckon we can get away with calling another place Bull and Mouth and it will never get back. But why though? I don't know. Why would you look at

Bull and Mouth and think that is the winning combo? I wish I'd thought of that. Someone drove past on a Saturday night and saw it full and went,

it has to be the name. Yes. It's not the fact that it's the one pub in town. It's the marketing of the name. We tried the Bull and Arm and it just didn't work. We need the same magic.

Where are your parents going to move to? Down the beach. Oh, nice. Yeah, nice. So they're selling up. It's on sale. Now, we mentioned this a couple of months ago,

and it's the power of the freaks that listen to this show. I didn't give any detail at all. They found it? One second in, they found it. I didn't give any detail about where it is. They've gone to the open house? Yeah, so immediately they found it, and they've started posting pictures online house and yeah so immediately they've found it and they've started

posting pictures online and like oh we found because you know what they went you know how they found it they went through

the pictures of bedrooms until they found a filing cabinet in the bedroom so that filing cabinet is still there

yes this is good stuff and it's in the photos it's a selling place it's a selling

place yes it's like Fritzl's basement that bedroom. It's a selling point. It's a selling point. Yes. It's like Fritzl's basement. That bedroom has room for a filing cabinet. It's ten minutes walk to the Bull and Mouth. It comes with its own filing cabinet. Should I leave the filing cabinet there? Three drawers.

You should take that home. That is a three drawer filing cabinet. You know what? There's going to be a listener in this show that's going to be like, is he going to put a bid in and then go, does it come with the Mad Magazine it needs to come

with the Mad Magazine it'll be in the contract of sale you know when they say like blinds vegetables what do they say yeah yeah

chattels the chattels fully furnished no chairs no tables but like issue 150 to 450 of Mad Magazine

are you going to take that they don't want your parents don't want it no my parents have made it very clear I have to come up and get all my shit get to take that? They don't want it. Your parents don't want it. No, my parents have made it very clear I have to come up and get all my shit. Get the filing cabinet. Yeah, they don't want it.

Unless a dum-dum fan buys your house. Yes. Carl, you're 47. It's time to move out. Come and get all your shit. Yes. What else have you got? But that's it.

I went up there a couple of weeks ago and mum was like, you have to start somewhere. You have to start somewhere. And she's like, she's packed up all my stuff into like one cupboard and she's like, and I go, look, you can basically like take everything to the tip. I don't, like it's, I moved out of home at 17. Your hyperglow t-shirt. I am now, yeah.

I moved out of home at 17. I'm now 47. If it's been sitting here 30 years years I probably don't need it anymore and she's like just put in the tip and she goes no there's a lot of valuable stuff there's a lot of valuable stuff

like a frisbee or yeah like it's just stuff where she goes she actually tried to bring it to the op shops she tried to bring a heap of stuff to the op shops in town

and they were like nah this is big city stuff this stuff isn't going to play in the country my stuff she's like no no this is too this is too highfalutin that the op shops wouldn't take it yeah it's always a good sign of value yeah and then they were like oh you want to put all this stuff on ebay so then my mom is explaining ebay to me and so you need to get all this stuff on ebay like well you've got like collectible

stuff yeah what is this stuff that is too highfalutin for the Maryborough op shop? It's honestly, it's just like graphic design magazines and like old soccer books and stuff like that where it's like, I'm like, honestly, mum, you're really overvaluing the stuff that I've got here. Take it to the tip. Yeah, nothing's worth anything in here. It's all like dog shit. Mad magazines are worth money.

I don't think they are. I really don't think they are. But anyway, I've grabbed a heap of stuff. I chucked out a lot of stuff. like dog shit mad magazines are worth money I don't think they are I really don't think they are but anyway I've got to I grabbed a heap of stuff I chucked out a lot of stuff I literally loaded up the car brought

and then drove two and a half hours to the Hawthorne op shop and dropped off there where they appreciate it they take it yeah instead of the

instead of the the Maribor op shop that would not take a couple of graphic design magazines from 25 years ago so completely useless what couple of graphic design magazines from 25 years ago. So completely useless. What was the graphic design program back then that everyone used?

What was it called again? Quark Express. Yes, that's it. They're still using Quark? Is that still... No, no one's using Quark Express. You've got an updated Quark? Yeah.

Yeah, look, guys, if you want to learn how to use Quark 97, hit me up. I still think I have a few issues up in the homestead. But so these... Feels like the one thing that, you know, clearly technology has not improved is graphic design. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, I wonder why the op shop wouldn't take this obsolete magazine that refers to a program that doesn't exist. Yes, yes. And then still a few pornos up there which I for some reason brought back

and then my my wife found and went why the fuck have you got these pornos here? I was cleaning out my I was cleaning out my bedroom.

That's why. A lot happened in a short space of time just there. That was a lot. We all said we all kind of just let him go past it

but we couldn't go past it. Yeah, yeah. My brothers. So what level of pornography are you talking? Australian Post or Picture Magazine? Australian Post. Home blokes? No, stiffies, remember.

Some pictures. There were some pictures. Picture Magazine. Yes. Wait, your mum has like boxed it. You found these in the cupboard. They were just mixed amongst all the stuff and whatever. Did they be Playboys when they were there? amongst all the stuff and whatever would there be playboys

in there no I don't think so oh okay no at that age at age 17 you can't get a playboy

you couldn't get a playboy no how do you get a playboy and the Hawthorne op shop they're wrapped to be getting these old boys picture magazine oh look Doris

there's you second hand pornography that's what I play for second hand pornography no you know what's good, though? I've gone to the op shop and I went to the op shop. Some of the pages are stuck together. Yeah, yeah.

And also the Mad Magazine. It's weird. The back page of this Playboy is folded in. Folded in. Well, that's Al Jaffe's fault For making me folded in And be a nude woman Okay what was I meant to do

I don't know about Second hand pornos There was only one hand That was needed in those But anyways So The good thing is I chucked them all

Into the op shop And I went to the op shop The other day Because now my daughter Is really into the op shop So I went in there The other day And went through the book section

And went oh man There's some good shit in here And then I went Fuck it's all mine Yes Oh yeah You're buying it all back Yeah no I was on the verge I was like Fuck If I Yeah I wouldn't mind went through the book section and went, oh man, there's some good shit in here and then I went, fuck, it's all mine. Yes. All my stuff. Yes. You're buying it all back.

Yeah, no, I was on the verge. I was like, fuck, if I, yeah, I wouldn't mind buying some of this stuff but it's mine

so I'm not going to buy it. Comedy's not working out. I need to learn how to use quark. Yeah. I need a backup. Yes. So, do you think that,

like, is the house, like, I mean, because I don't want to ask, like, exactly, like,

what you think it's going to go for but would it be an amount of money that if enough dum-dum fans got together no and like put like you don't think that your fans have enough money that they could like do a kickstarter or something oh yeah i turn into like a dollywood a chando would that's what I'm thinking. This is the filing cabinet. So everything has to be kept exactly right. I have to go to the horse on up shop. You don't have to. I'll bring the pornos back.

No, no. Bring them back to the homestead. They're doing it. You are not involved in this. You do have to move back in, though. You do have to live in there. It'll be like Captain Cook's cottage. You'll go there and they'll go.

But he only lived here for 17 years of his life. It's not actually the real Chandler's house. It's not really his house. In fact, we'll move the house to the Botanic Garden so it's closer to our visit.

So we don't have to go to Merrimar and the Bull and Mound. You know, Mick Malloy broke into Captain Cook's Cottage once when he was pissed and slept there overnight. Oh, really?

Yeah. Then he got woken up by the security guard in the morning. Wow. It's like, you know, God, he locks on the three beers. Yeah, great. You've just got to have all this, like, invented history of the house. It's like, this is the room where he wrote Duck Sandwich.

Yes. Around this very kitchen table. Yes. And you've got, like, a faked, like, you know, you've just done up, like, a, you know, you've got, like, the notebook and you're, like, halfway through having it written out. And when we went to... There's a plaque put on the pornos. This is where Chando jerked off for the first time.

And I imagine like that mushroom lady there'd be like a weird murder wall of like just scribbles and stuff. When we went to Beatrix Potter's house

in the Lakes District and they would have little Easter eggs hidden around for the kids to find like a little rabbit or a little... You could have

little things around for the kids to find. A little duck. That gave me the idea idea that gave you the idea and then just just a random shit on the floor yeah

or outside this is where he had his first outside poo poo yeah this is the toilet where he sat and scrawled his private Facebook groups

for hours and hours at a time no ouch all the Japanese tourists have come straight from the midday show

To Chando Wood Dress the shit up Like a jail And have Daslow in there Yeah This is the Heart River province Yeah we just compact it

All into one square Block of land Just like one Like you know Picture of like Thailand That you've ripped out Of a magazine With a love heart around it

That you kept Under your pillow Just like One day One day I'll travel there Yeah One day I'll be on a plane out of a magazine with a love heart around it that you kept under your pillow just like one day I'll travel there. One day I'll be on a plane. Souvenir shop. You get the souvenir shop?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be great. They're about one visitor a week, but it'd be all right. The more we're talking about this, the more it sounds like a great idea. So come on, guys. Get your pennies saved up.

Well, you know what? You know what? I mean, this could be an idea. So they haven't sold it yet, so it's for sale. Now, we did a show in Maribor years ago. Yep. what? I mean, this could be an idea. So they haven't sold it yet, so it's for sale. Now, we did a show in Maribor years ago. Now, I thought about this at the time, and then I dismissed it because I thought, you know what?

We could do, I mean, we did all the live Coast of Million Podcast Festival stuff, outdoor festival. I thought, mate, and we talked about Maribor enough at that point. We could do like a Maribor live show on the property of my parents. Because it's on a hobby farm. People camp. We could be the new Meredith. Yeah, exactly.

Because it's on a hobby farm. This is great. Because what would really add value to the house is it being destroyed by dum-dum pants. But it's outdoors, not in the house. You're not allowed in the house. You're not allowed in the house You're not allowed in the house But I did think that

You could do it in the paddock Down the road But the only thing That put me off at the time Because you could do that You could build a little stage Do all that sort of stuff But then I thought

You know what Trusting our fans It'd be 3am There'd be some fucker That'd like traipse up Go and knock on my mum's window And be like Oh fucking let me in

Fucking Mrs. Janet Your parents can't be there yeah you do you have to send your parents somewhere by the way that's not your fans that'll just be your guests

yes yes yes you did right Brett Blake or someone Kappa Kappa yes

no you did right no so maybe because I was worried about that I was like okay well I don't want to wreck anything but if they're selling it maybe we could do it

and it's like it doesn't matter because I was worried they would know where I lived or want to wreck anything but if they're selling it maybe we could do it and then it's like it doesn't matter like because i was worried about they would know where i where i lived or my parents lives or whatever if we're gone the next week maybe it should be like a last minute like all right we'll fucking do your worst come down we'll do a live show in the paddock or if a listener's bought it then all of a sudden they're just rinsing us on the venue higher fee yeah i mean like maybe one of the listeners probably can't buy it like i imagine that maybe the budget's not right for that but yes like tommy little could buy it right like tommy little he was going to buy albus's plane that's true like could he not only that but like

when when we had the idea about buying the tie bar i was like oh and i went around to a bunch of people going would you chuck in for a little bit and And Little just goes, I will buy it right now. What do you want? I'll write the check. This is just a great idea. I don't want anything to do with it. I'll just pay for it and you do whatever the fuck you want with it. Or, I mean, we're overlooking the obvious candidate.

Who's a comedian that we know that loves buying property? Yuzi. Oh, yes. I'm your dad now, Chandler. Oh, yes. Mate, you don't have to give – Come give daddy a kiss before bed. You're leaving a low broadcast here. He bought that apartment on the block

because he saw it on Channel 9, walked down and bought that apartment. If we can just get my parents' house on BTV6 on the news, if he's going through Ballarat at the time, he's watching that on TV. He can race down and buy

it. This might be thinking too big, but I've got an idea. Why don't we combine it all? We convince

Husey to buy your parents' property in Maryborough and then declare it a sovereign nation. Husey's the

king. You're the king. You can print your own money. Huseyvania. H. You're the king. You can print your own money. Yeah. Hughes-y-vania. Yeah.

Because he's very Greek. Hughes-stralia. Yeah, Hughes-stralia. That's good. Yes. I'm the king. Hughes-land. Yeah, that's good.

You're the best subjects ever. Really good. You're the greatest country I've ever had. You're the greatest country I've ever had. Never forget that. But imagine the people living there and it would become like Hughie hating Dan. They'd all start to hate Hughie. Oh, yeah.

Dictator Dave. Why are they all hating on me? Why are they all hating on me? I'm just picturing all the civilians talk like Hughie too. Dictator Dave. you're secretly a pedophile. Oh, wow. We've veered wildly from the original idea, but there's a lot of moving parts here.

But weirdly enough, that's the one that I can see as being most likely to happen. As insane as that is, I think that's the most feasible. It's good investment. It's a big property. It's cheap. It's cheap. It is.

Like, it's a big property. It's not cheap, actually. It's got a creek running through it. Again, I'm trying not to give too much details because this makes it easier to fucking find. Yeah, they've already found it. No, but not only did they only find it, so this is the thing that fucking killed me

and this is the one thing I'm not sure about, right? So, as soon as we talked about it on the episode, as soon as the app went up, there was people sending me messages, there's people trying to post stuff online in the groups and stuff and me having to fucking block it and deny it and all that stuff.

But they found the filing cabinet in the bedroom. That's clearly that. Then... It's hilarious. It's just great. Someone from the real estate, the photographer from the real estate. Make sure you get the filing cabinet.

Get the filing cabinet in. Yeah. Send the drone in. Send the drone into the bedroom. We've got to get the filing cabinet from up top. Make sure you get the pornos in the cupboard. That's a key selling point of this house. You've got them spread out on the bed.

Fanned. The other bad thing was that the other room, my brother's old bedroom, my wife kicked up about it. I was like, what the fuck are your parents thinking? Because my mum's dressed up the fucking other bedroom, like, you know, with all spooky dolls and stuff, like all the dolls from the 1920s that we never had. That's nasty.

Or anything like that. That's good. It just looks like, you know, like a serial killer. Spooky dolls. Yeah, just looks like you know like a serial killer it looks like a Saw movie or something Saw 11's being filmed

in there and it's like my wife's like who the fuck is buying this house with a filing cabinet in one room and

then all these fucking killer dolls in the other one your parents are crazy yeah no but this is

good the price is going to drop and then one of our listeners can afford to get it or Husey's getting

a bargain yeah so then now this is a. The price is going to drop and then one of our listeners can afford to get it. Or Husey's getting a bargain. Yeah. Step in. Yeah. So then, now this is a thing I genuinely don't know about. Right. So because of stuff like this, like, you know, I'm in the pool, someone swims up and goes, I'm aware.

Yep. You know, this sort of stuff happens all the time, right? Now, this, the house is on sale. All the pictures are up of every bedroom. Again, my wife's furious about the lounge room because it's a nice enough house but then my dad's got this fucking insanely horrible chair that he sits in there's like therapeutic there's like had it for like 40 years yeah it looks like it's you know it should be the hard like hard rubbish wouldn't take this chair yeah and that's in the fucking picture yeah hard rubbish in maryborough but in the city, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, on top of everything else, now, I don't have the answer to this, but, so, the lounge

room, there's a picture, right? You can see the ratty old chair. You can see the, I think you can actually see, like, little framed pictures of me if you zoom right in, which is another giveaway. Yeah, you've got to really want it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But then, there's the TV.

Okay. So, you know that thing they do where, yeah. But then there's the TV. Okay. So you know that thing they do where like anything on TV where if you see a TV on TV, you're not really watching that TV because of like the... If you film the screen, it looks all fucked up. It looks all fucked up. So they have to like digitally put it in. Put a show on there. They've photoshopped the TV.

Okay. What are we watching? What's on the TV? What are we watching? The glass house, me wearing a desolate shirt. Okay. For everyone that found the listing, that's what you've got to Photoshop it to be. The Nuggets.

Well, if it's the Masked Singer, we might be able to get a Hugh Z. Yes! I love this house. This house is filled with good taste. Take it off. What's on the TV? What's on the TV?

Sport. Cricket. Footy. No. You on the circle. Oh, that'd be good, but no. Is it a modern show? Sunrise.

No. It's not a modern show. Well, look, I'll give you a clue. Yeah, great. It's not a show. Oh. The test pattern. It's like a scene, like a beach scene or something. Oh, like'll give you a clue. Yeah, great. It's not a show. Oh. The test pattern. It's like a scene, like a beach scene or something.

Oh, like a screensaver. Thailand. Is it Thailand? It's a beach. It's a Koh Samui beach. On the fucking thing. Now, are there insiders in the fucking real estate company in Maribor? Yeah.

Is this the longest sort of like I'm aware, like a long game? Yeah, the long game. That's depressing trying to like paint a picture of what it would be like to live in this house. It's like you'll be sitting on a disgusting old chair, but it's fine. You'll be looking at the beach on TV. Yeah, you're close to me. That's either a bizarre coincidence or someone's done that.

It's a bizarre coincidence or there's someone, there's a listener that works for the real estate company. Why does there need to be anything on the TV? I don't know. Like in the photo. It doesn't matter. I don't know. I feel like it's just like a little hook that someone's left there just to go, I know what's going on.

That's an Easter egg. I found the house. I know whose house it is. Yeah. And that's how I'm telling you. So that's the graphic designer from the real estate company. Yeah. Unless they probably did that on Quark.

Yes, exactly. Exactly. Found all these magazines. They would have been able to do that six months ago, but then they found a treasure trove of knowledge. Yes. No wonder. Quark Express.

Yeah. Yeah, that is. Because, yeah, if you worked at that real estate agent and it's like, hey, this farm owned by the Chandlers in Maryborough. It's so easy. You'd be like, oh, well, this farm owned by the Chandlers in Maryborough. It's so easy. You'd be like, oh, well, this is definitely his parents' house. There's no doubt about it. Or if they sent this out, if this is an outside job and they sent it out,

please let me know if this is an actual thing, if this is something you've done as a little sly nod because it's fucking excellent. That's really good. Yeah. And if so, can you continually update it to more jokes like this? Yeah, yeah. So this makes you go up there. Photoshop more stuff gradually into the house.

It's kind of a bizarre choice that it's not an Australian beach or for a house in Mary, but a rural scene or something. Yeah. No, totally. Also, what I love about this is you can see a photo of a beach and immediately go, that's Kosa Movi. Yes. Kosa Movi.

It's actually one of my screensavers. Yeah, okay, right. That's bizarre. That is bizarre. All right, well, let us know. Let us know if you're a mole in the real estate. You know, if you're in the market for a farm near Maribor that could potentially have a festival on it.

Are there any clues in the copy of the real estate? Hey, mate. Oh, that one. Fuck, I should go back and read that. Yeah. All right. Yeah, if you're not already aware of the beautiful opportunity to live in rural Victoria, don't shoot yourself.

Yeah. You can still buy it hey poofs you will have you will be able to raise a beautiful family bring the pink dollar

to Maryborough if you've already missed out on an opportunity to buy into Dalesford hey poofs you can still buy into Maryborough

into rural Victoria it's a new place it's the latest place alright well we better wrap it up there for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Dave O'Neill, Will Anderson, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.

Dave, you've got your podcast somehow related with Glen Robbins. You've got the Junkies. Kitty, yeah. Get me on the Junkies. A lot of people hit me up because I'm a junk food aficionado. We will. Don't worry. I want to talk junk food.

What's your favourite junk food? Which category? Well, snack food. We do more snack food. We do stuff you can buy in a petrol station. Snack food, yeah. Petrol station. Petrol station, thank you.

I strain to hamburgers. She doesn't like any of that stuff. She just likes straight... Servo. Twisties. Servo, yeah. Chocolate, snack, ice cream. If you go to a servo, ice cream counts?

Yeah, ice cream, definitely. She loves ice cream. Interesting. Yeah. I've asked Carl this, actually. Or more what you... You know what I love is the specials aisle in Woolworths or Coles. Oh, yeah.

Whatever. I just walk through there looking for those big stickers, like, what's 99 cents this week? Oh, yeah. My go-to, my number one, I have something in common with Ben Stiller. Oh, you have something in common with Ben Stiller you have something in common with

Ben Stiller it's a family feud yeah yeah your dad was in Seinfeld yeah comedy great Ben Stiller married the woman

who was in the Brady Bunch movie that's right yes that's what I have in common yes you know a lot about Ben Stiller

I married Jan that's right you married Jan she married Marsha he married Marsha, I think. He married Marsha. Did a comedy sketch go with Andy Dick? No, I do comedy with a dick. Yes, got him.

Got him. Got him. That's nice. That's nice stuff. No. Ben Stiller once had to get treatment, not that I've gone this far, but treatment for addiction to M&M's. I love M&M's. I love M&M's.

I love M&M's. What, the original or peanut? Original. What do you mean treatment? Like hypnotherapy or something? Something like that. Yeah, wow. Yeah, original are great

because you know they're a mixture of dark and... My brother sent an ex to the guy on a plane who worked at the M&M factory or something and he said it's a mixture of dark and milk chocolate.

Is that the trick? Yeah, it's working. You've got to get Ben Stiller on the pod yeah yes that's too much for Ben yeah

Ben can't talk about it I love Eminem too absolutely if I see Zoolander on your podcast before me I'm gonna be fucking roped

yeah that's my number one I can't go can't go past Eminem's I fucking love them I'm obsessed and Will you've got your podcast

Willosophy all my podcasts so people can find those we're gonna we're trying to like because we have so many different shows

we're trying to bring them all back into the one place so we are in the process of doing that at the moment the MCU of comedy podcasts

we've just got so many and they're in so many different places that we would just love if people could just go to the one place and get all the different podcasts. So we are currently

in the process of trying to make that happen and yeah, Question Everything ABC. Great. Cool. Is Question Everything

coming back? Don't say it so surprised Dave. Only because I was on it. That's why I'm asking. It's coming back is it? Yeah, soon. Oh fantastic. By the time people need this it'll That's why I'm asking. It's coming back, is it? Yeah, soon. Oh, fantastic. By the time people need this, it'll be back really soon.

Awesome. It's a great show. So people can catch last season with Dave O'Neill on ABC iView at the moment, and they can catch the new episodes on iView as well. Cool. Check all that out. Thanks very much for listening, guys, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates.

See you, mates. And they've done it again. Oh, have they ever. A beautiful little Sunday morning recording. And Bernie kicking the dew off the grass that early. Bernie hadn't gone to bed after the grand final. Oh, really? Yeah.

That's right. It was the morning after the grand final. That's right. AFL grand final. Yep. Good shit. Yeah. Fun stuff.

We talked about, I don't know, it was a week ago now. I can't remember. Yeah, it was a little while ago. And then you also told me just before we recorded and now I can't remember that either. I told you two genuine ones and then I made up a bunch of them. And they're stuck in my head now. Yeah, my parents. and then I made up a bunch of... And they're stuck in my head now. Well, we've got to find out if we've got a mole in the real estate agency. Oh, yes, that's right.

My parents haven't sold their farm yet. Yeah. But they did have some tie kickers. You know, I should have talked about this maybe. The proper tie kickers they've had so far are selling it. They go, one day mum rings me up and goes, oh, yeah, someone's coming in to look at it. I'm like, oh, cool. And they go, yeah, this is who it is and just said who it was.

And I'm like, oh, someone that I sort of had a very strong Facebook argument with about three years ago. Would this be vaccine related? Yes. Yeah, okay. I'm like, okay, someone's just going to come in and just like take a shit in my mum's bed. Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Yeah.

So I was like, okay, well, like full disclosure, I don't know, you know, and also the person I was like... So your parents knew that you knew this person yes well you know like it's that thing where in a smallish town yep like once you know a surname it's like okay well yeah is this who's this this is the brother of this guy that i know right you and it's always like you know mom being like you would have gone to school with this guy wouldn't you you know you would have mum being like, you would have gone to school with this guy, wouldn't you? You know, you would have gone to school. Oh, you would have gone to school with his brother. How old are you?

How old is he again? That sort of thing. How old are you? Yeah. It's all that stuff. It's all like, you know, figuring out how many degrees of separation you are from whoever you see down the street. Yeah. Whatever.

So, yeah, I was genuinely like this. And I was also going, yeah, I don't reckon this guy's got any money i can't imagine how this bloke's got any money yeah which is only heightening the conspiracy of like this guy's just going to come and take a cum in our fucking in my i mean yeah i've done that have you ever walked past like a house that's for sale and the open for inspection happens to be on and you're just like why not let's have a little look i don't do it i've done it like once or twice and you do feel bad because it's like the agent in there they just know yes they can just size you up and down and be like man don't fucking waste it don't take up space in here

i'm anti-time wasting because because my parents always had shops growing up i would feel on their side like if someone comes in and walks around and walks out again i go what the fuck did you come in here for yeah what did you come in and go oh yeah this coffee shop yeah i don't feel like a coffee or a sandwich actually i'll just go again like the people that walk in the supermarket you know when people walk out of a supermarket having bought nothing i'm like what were you looking for yeah what is it in a supermarket i think we've talked about this before. I've never noticed that.

I've never seen that. I've seen it. I see it all the time. Right. Someone just like, you know how it's sort of actually a little bit difficult to walk out of a supermarket

without buying something? Yeah. They're like squeezing past you. You have to sneak past the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm always like, what? Did you come in and...

Is the place out of milk? Is this supermarket out of milk? Like, what the fuck were you looking for? I mean, I guess maybe I've had it once or twice where I've gone in and I'm needing place out of milk? Is the supermarket out of milk? Like what the fuck were you looking for? I mean I guess maybe I've had it once or twice where I've gone in, I'm needing like one thing and they don't have it. And so I'm like, all right, well, I'm out. I'm out of here.

But you're right. I like that – so basically what you're saying is like an auction is the ultimate shop. Yeah. Imagine that just on the way out of the inspection, the real estate agent being like, going to buy anything, mate? Or just in for a little sticky beak? Don't want out of the inspection, the real estate agent being like, going to buy anything, mate? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just in for a little sticky beak. Yeah, yeah.

Don't want one of the little sheets? Just window shopping. Yeah. Just having a look around. Not interested when the auction is? Yeah. No, why would you be? Yeah.

You're not going to put in a fucking bid, are you? Yeah, yeah. You were never going to. Oh, that'd be me. That'd be good. Just walking out. No interest, mate? No interest, mate?

Nah, nah, nah. This is, yeah, no, I want a place with two toilets. This is going to go well. But that's the reverse. That's everyone that comes in bar one person. It's sort of the anti-shop where most people aren't buying something, but one person is. I very distinctly remember I got shamed once because I went,

and this is obviously a while ago, I was walking around in the city with a notebook just like trying to like get ideas. Just like, you know, when I walk, I write better when I walk because I'm not – if I'm at home, I'm like, oh, what if I fucking put on TV or what if I – you know, I should do the dishes. I should do the laundry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I walk with the notebook, walk around and weirdly there's less distractions in the rest of the world yeah than there are in my house yeah so uh and i went into a video shop in the city and i had the notebook and i just started looking at like the the comedy dvds and stuff and just looking at them but i had the

notebook in my hand and as i walked out i probably talked about this on the show years ago i don't know but they just went off at me because i was like – and I was like, what the fuck's this? You're writing down the blurbs. Yeah, no. Like in hindsight, once I got out, they were like – they had a red hot go. But it was such a weird thing that it didn't even compute to me what was going on. But what they were doing was having a fucking big crack at me because they thought I was walking in, writing down the names of all the videos, DVDs, and then going home and ordering them on Amazon?

Yeah. Well, there's a bookshop in the city that's great. It's a really nice bookshop. They get good stuff in, but they've got like a huge thing on the front door. No photos. And they're really adamant on it. If they see you with the phone out, they're very helpful. They'll order stuff in for you, all that kind of stuff.

They like, whatever you buy, they know what it is. They're like, oh yeah, this one's great. Great experience. But if they see you with the phone out, stuff. They like whatever you buy, like they know what it is. They're like, oh, yeah, this one's great. Great experience. But if they see you with the phone out, they will pounce on you. Really? And I've been done once and it's like I'm just taking a photo of this because it's like there was something on the cover that was like, I don't know, the name of my friend, you know,

just to like send to a friend as a joke. But it's like, yeah, it's that same paranoia of like you're going to fucking just look this up on Amazon. It's like, I mean, I could do that anyway. I can like yeah it's that same paranoia of like you're gonna fucking just look this up on amazon it's like i mean i could do that anyway i can like commit it to memory is it beyonce's bookshop or you gotta put the phone in the in the pouch yeah i'm surprised i don't make you do that yeah because it's like it's pretty small and it's like yeah i mean that's just the reality of running a bricks and mortar shop yeah making me put the phone away isn't gonna stop me from just going home and yeah you know yeah that's funny yeah no i was just like i remember that going on and then it was just really having a big crack at me and going what the fuck's this

and i just had to i wanted to go back in and just and then i realized what you'd be doing you'd be going back and going well actually i was just like a fucking idiot right walking around and writing little jokes to myself that's what this book's for i'm a comedian and i got my inspiration for jokes from other comedy dvds yes yes i wasn't writing down eddie murphy delirious actually yeah i was just writing down jokes inspired by eddie murphy delirious yeah it's i mean yeah look, fair play to him. You're on the razor's edge right now. Like how much longer can we be running an IRL bookshop in the CBD?

I get it. Which one? Is it the one top of Burke or is it a different one? No, a different one. Yeah, I mean, it's like the way that you counteract people buying stuff online is to make the IRL experience very friendly and pleasant. Yes. AKA not yelling at people for pulling out the phone in the middle of the shop.

What do they literally say? They say, put that phone away. Yeah. No photos. Right. And then I had to be like, oh, it's just a, there's something funny on the cover that is like a personal joke with me and my friend. Yeah.

And it's like, what are you suggesting? I have to spend like $70 on this book if I want to show them the joke. So now it's strippers and bookshops. Is that what it is? No phones. That's the only two. Yeah. Literally.

Yeah. Literally no photos in any. The only businesses where you can't get the phone out. Yeah. Literally. Yeah. Literally no photos in any. Only businesses where you can't get the phone out. Yeah, right. Because they think at Club X that you're just going to get onto Amazon and buy that stripper for cheaper. Yes. Sending the bricks and mortar strip club out of business.

Yes. You'll get on like whatever, Chat Roulette or whatever the website is for looking at nudies. Yeah. And be like, have you got anything exactly like this woman? If you need boobs like this, that would be good. Well, hey,

look, like we said at the top of the show, we've got live shows coming up November 4 in Perth, November 25 in Melbourne. Get some tickets. Got some absolutely sterling guests lined up

for both of those shows. Yeah. If you're not a fan of either of us, you're in for a treat. You've got some other people who are actually those shows. Yeah. So if you're not a fan of either of us, you're in for a treat. You've got some other people who are actually quite good. Yeah, there'll be at least 70% of time where we're not talking that you can just focus on other people. I'd say 50%.

You could make like a little headset for yourself where you've got like kind of like borders around the edge of your vision. So when you're looking at the stage, we're blocked out. Yeah. And also, no phones, please. We don't want people coming in and recording, making a recording of the show that we'll be then uploading for free three days later.

No. Okay, we don't want that. No, I actually don't want that. Yeah. I don't want people listening to this on a recording on their phone, eating into our download numbers. Yes. Listening to it in worse quality. Yeah.

I genuinely don't want that. Selling it. I would go fucking crazy if anyone does that. Selling it early on the Monday morning before it comes out on the Wednesday. Yeah. And charging top dollar to people who cannot wait. Yeah. To hear how we riff on how the venue is bad this time.

Exactly. Yeah. What happened to fuck us off in the three minutes before walking on stage? to hear how we riff on how the venue is bad this time. Exactly, yeah. What happened to fuck us off in the three minutes before walking on stage? Well, I'm filming my stand-up show in Melbourne on November the 30th. I'm professionally recording that. And everyone else come along. I'm more than happy. If you want to have a go at bootlegging it,

bring the little camcorder in. As long as you send it to me, I'm more than happy to have an alternate um barley dvd style bootleg up on youtube at the same time and make the two of them compete for views and see which one goes better yeah you could uh like what beastie boys did that once where they um had a show where they oh everyone in the crowd had it they handed a hundred camcorders to people and then they just did all their versions. Except yours is a much cheaper version.

Just bring your own phone and do it yourself. Bring your own phone, do it on there. You have to make sure that the person in front of you gets up and walks past the screen at one point. I want a bit of that. It's got to be slightly on an angle. It needs to not be focused in properly so that all the visual stuff that's happening on the screen is kind of like washed out and you can't really see it. Take a piss in the middle of the show and leave the phone on. Phone on, on the seat, facing up at the roof.

Yeah. No, no, no. Take it with you to the Dunning. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. Well, that was happening in that Beastie Boys show, wasn't it?

Like people are kind of like moving around and they have footage of people going in and out. I remember that kind of being the thing about it. I don't think I ever watched it. It was kind of funny. People hitting the bar, hitting the merch stand midway through the concert. Yeah, a lot will happen with a hundred different people. What else, Tommy? Patreon?

Yep. Tell us what's going on. Heard of it. We have a thing called patreon.com. So it's a little down-and-on club. I can say this. I am going to Singaporeapore in a week yep for a family holiday very cheap airline that happens to operate in australia got a little special there oh yeah um and i dropped my child little blanket at her grandparents today to come in and do this

and when i have to say to her daddy's going to work today and then she asked several questions about what sort of work it is and then i have to make up stuff because i don't want to say it's just me talking shit to you um so uh she so what do you say to her i go to an office you know yeah okay work, okay. Work. You're in my little office room in my house? Yeah, sure. And then she was, because we're going to Singapore quite soon, she's candid on the days. Yep.

And then she said, and she's a big one. We've talked about this on the show before, but she's a big one for, hey, daddy, remember when we were in Thailand and you did a big poo in the bed? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's still, yeah, this truly is her first, like, core memory. Absolutely. She loves it she is there anything that she talks about that she remembers from before that or is this literally her brain locking on no but it's got the most attention

it's the first thing that's truly gone into the bank this is a is this the most staying power of any memory she's had this is the i reckon just this is you know when you start doing stand-up and you have stuff and whatever and you get one joke you know whenever it is that like absolutely hits and you go great this is i'm on my way i'm actually on my way this yeah this actually sits with you yeah and if you have a panic you know if you do a corporate if you do some sort of rough gig and you go i've always got this yeah yeah and you don even mean, you actually probably don't even like that joke that much anymore, but you've got it and you go, it's always going to work. It's always going to be there, yeah. So she's got that.

So we were in the pool the other day. She was telling random people about it. I was like, yep, great. Nice. But she said that today. It's like a bit of a struggle to say it to me. Like she's not going to get the best response, but she's like, yeah, remember when you were in Thailand and you did a big poo in the bed?

I was like, yes. She goes, why don't you do that in Singapore? It's a good idea. Okay. It's a good idea. She's like, you should do it in Singapore. Okay. I know me and the listeners would all appreciate it.

So I don't know whether she wants to see. It's a bit harder to do in Singapore. I don't know whether she wants to see me do it. Just like squat over a bed and just take a big old shit in the bed or not. I don't know. Well, this is a tricky kind of turning point for you because it feels like this is what she thinks holiday is. Yes.

So it's either like you go and you don't do it and you risk her coming away and being like, what a weak holiday. Yeah. That's the thing that I know happens on holidays, didn't even happen. Was it even a holiday? Or if you, for whatever reason, if you go and by some insane stroke of bad luck, you get food poisoning again. Yeah.

And it happens again. Yes. Then it is going to be like, well, now I've warped her even more. Well, maybe it's like, like I said, because this is just like her go-to gear, but she's told everyone this stuff. It's like, and now she's suggesting i do it because she wants some new gear right remember that boring old story about when i said daddy did a shit in his bed in thailand i've got a fresh amazing completely new story my daddy did a shit in his bed in singapore well it was a little bit like um when austin powers the spy who shagged me came out

and i loved that movie but there were like a few bits in it where it's like there's a few of the same gags from the first movie in this one. Yes. It's like, ah, but they've got a bit bigger budget and they've got Fat Bastard and Mini-Me, so I guess I'll give this a pass. Yeah.

No one really saw the first one, went straight to DVD. Yeah. Why not? Yeah, why not recycle some of the same gear? So that could be you. And then you go to Indonesia in six months' time and you do it again over there and that's your gold member. Yeah, yeah.

Brown member. Yeah, so that's good. That's something to look forward to. But the reason I'm able to buy that very cheap, let's say, Jet Star Fly is because of the generous people out there that listen to this show. The patrons of the arts. Yes. You people who used to, in the olden days,

used to buy dinner for Picasso or whatever. Now you just send us money for this podcast and we get on very cheap airlines and go short distances. Yep. That's you guys. Thanks so much to everyone who does that and continues to do that. And what happens is you can go to patreon.com slash little dum-dum club, jump on board.

There's always new members jumping on. That could be you. They've redone the website in the last couple of weeks. So get on there and have a look at the new and improved patreon.com. We are actually doing a new website ourselves, Tommy. I know. As you know, our website ourselves, Tommy. I know. As you know. Our website shit itself last week.

Yeah. And our beautiful webmaster said to us, I don't really do websites anymore. I can't be fucking fixing your shit website that's very out of date. Very generous of him. Very like, you know, very Joel, great guy. Very gracious guy. Yep. Like he's really kept that to himself for the last like few years of us. Yeah. Still bothering him with webmaster duties. Yep. Like he's really kept that to himself for the last few years of us.

Still bothering him with webmaster duties. Very polite of him to at no point go, guys, I don't, I can't help you with this anymore. I think he's given us a few hints that we haven't taken. Yeah, until it got to like absolute like, hey, this needs a complete overhaul. Yes. So if anyone's out there that knows all that bullshit and wants to help us out,

absolutely let us know it sounds like we need to uh reboot little dum-dum club slash everything it was pretty funny how he was like yeah you're about to run out of storage and it's like boy you just you never really think about how much uh a lot of just jpegs of us out the front of my house can really add up yeah it's like that's all that's on there yeah that site's not hosting the episodes yes it's just it's just yeah you're right it's just it's just pictures from the episode yeah that's the only thing that gets uploaded yeah there's links to the merch there's a very um useful link to our 12th birthday show from a year ago yep um yeah there's not not too much else to ask. So we're auditioning for a webmaster is what you're saying?

Yeah, sure. If anyone wants to get in touch and spruik their services, we're in the market. I'm looking at the front page of the website at the moment and it currently has ads for Talking Dumb Dumb hoodies that don't exist that we sold out of, aware caps that sold out, stubby holder, optimistically,

a two-pack of stubby holders. We don't even have one to sell. Well, I've got one. You might have one rattling around somewhere. Yeah, I have one. I think my friend's got one. I could go and steal theirs and we could sell that to you.

That was a good-looking stubby holder. Yeah. That was good. Yeah, so, yeah, we're probably due a reboot. I mean, apart from the fact that all this stuff's outdated on the website, it's going to die any day now. So, yeah, let's look into getting a new website, I guess. Probably something simple.

Anyway, let's hit us up if you want to audition. Tell us what you've done in the past and how you see the future of Little Dumb Dumb Club. Oh, yeah. Five strengths, five weaknesses. Yeah, yeah. Where can you see our website in five years? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that would be great.

We need references from other podcast websites that you've done. I'd love that. Yeah, character reference. I'd love that. From a podcast that you listen to. I'd love that. Yep. Character reference. I'd love that. From a podcast that you listen to. Bring five other webmasters. Yep. Yep.

I'd love that. Anyway, patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. Plenty of people sign up to it. This could be you. This could be you this week. I'm sure there's people out there that go, you know what? I always hear it. It feels like something I could never do.

But it can be you. All you have to do is just sign up right now. Dream Medium. Yes. Dream Big for us. We could be about to read out the name of our new webmaster potentially. We could be. Let's do it.

I mean, they've got the skills to get online and fill out a form. Yes. That's half the battle. That's something like... That's all you're doing with webmastering. Yeah. It's... Typing some shit into a box.

Websites are on the internet now. This could be you. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sol Murray-Ward. Okay. Are you sure we've never read this guy out before? Fuck. Why? Just double check.

Okay. The fact that Sol's in there, I feel like... You feel like you would have... Fuck, we have. We have. God damn it. Okay. All right.

Nice try, Mr. Murray Ward. Yeah. Nice try, Sol. Bad try, Carl. All right. You got a tiny little mention there But we're skipping over you Thank you very much

To Patreon subscriber Martin Saniga Saniga S-A-N-I-G-A Okay Saniga Saniga Can we go back to

Solmari Ward We're playing with fire With this one Alright Martin N-N-Word. Martin Sa-Beeb. Now, this feels familiar as well. Martin Sa-Beeb, please.

Yeah, okay. That's not bad. That's not bad stuff. Martin Senega. That's fine. Please just say that. It's someone's name. It's just fucking someone's name. You can't say fucking anything anymore. Martin Senega. That's fine. Please just say that. It's someone's name. It's just fucking someone's name.

You can't say fucking anything anymore. Martin Seneger. That's fine. Both of those are fine. I don't know why you're so worried. Yeah. Oh, God. How was school for him?

Just a lot of, yeah, like you're saying. Miss, please, I'm just reading out his name Yeah yeah totally That's all I'm saying Yep Yep Yep It's um

Martin Martin's a tough one I reckon I mean Look That one That one you can get away with But gee there's some names

That get around sometimes Where you go What When do you have the talk with your mom and dad to go it's not a personal diss on you fucked me here it's not a personal diss on you yeah all your parents or their parents but at some stage someone has to make the call yeah we're moving away from this name yeah i'm sorry um that you know i'm i'm ditching the generations of people called dick suck. But it's 2023.

That means something different than what it did 50 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That actually means to suck a dick. Yeah. Now, I don't know what meant something like quite highfalutin back then. Oh, you're talking about this kid like questioning their surname to the parents. Yeah. I thought you meant just they're taking umbrage with Martin.

No, no, no. He's a little nerd on The Simpsons. I'm really getting it on both ends here from the folks at school. No, no, the surname. You've just got to ditch it. The people that still walk around with Coburn as the surname. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's spelled C-O-C-K-B-U-R-N.

It's like you are dreaming. And even that, at some point, that's a decision that someone in the lineage has made and been like, had a big family meeting, get all the cockburns together and be like, guys, we're just getting annihilated out here. We need to form a united front on this. We're changing the pronunciation. Anytime someone asks, you're to fire back and say, it's actually pronounced Coburn.

We need to be united on this. It's still going to be difficult, but this is the only way to mitigate the damage. Yes. Which is, yeah, I guess maybe that was it. Maybe that was the talk. The kid comes in and goes, I'm not going back to school and my name's Cockburn. It's not happening.

I'm changing my name. Well, what about this? We meet in the middle. We just pretend it's pronounced something else. And the kid's like, great. Goes back to school. Guys, you've actually got it wrong. It's pronounced Coburn.

And they're like, shut up, Cockburn. Shut up, Cocko. But like, because in that case, if you're going to just go, we're changing the pronunciation, just get those two letters out of there. Just change the name. Yeah. C-O-B-U-R-N. Yes.

Cockburn, there you go. Yes. Yeah, I don't know why. Yeah. What are you looking up? You're just Googling Cox. No, I'm getting a replacement. Oh, right.

For Big Soul. Yes, RIP RIP Yeah Alright He might have subscribed twice Maybe he has, but too bad Making a lot of that snake with big tits money Oh yes

Splashing that around Yes But yeah, Martin I mean, you did it you got rid of the family name you're ashamed of all sop yeah you did it yeah you're out of there yep what's your question i'm just trying to confirm this other name all right leave me alone we had a teacher at school called uh mr martin um just maths teacher so already you know already he's not on good standing yeah no one wants to do maths and then he was also a

bit of a pain in the ass it was just like brother i feel like if you're doing one of those so you can sort of be whatever you want as an english teacher because i feel like english for most people is like yeah this, this is fine. A lot of the time we're just watching movies. We're reading a book. It's not too taxing. But math's when it's really starting to get into the nitty-gritty and be like a bit of a punish of a subject.

It's like you need a fucking chill guy up there. You don't want to also be dealing with some prick. It's like anything, like if I liked the subject but I didn't love the teacher, I'd be like, no, this is okay. but if it was like the two strikes i'd be like i'm just gonna not go to this subject i'm just gonna start wagging yeah do you do you ever have those dreams where you're back at school or you're in a job or whatever it is where you're just freaking out and you go oh my god this is due that's due i gotta do this i gotta do that and your dream just freaking out and then i think what happens with me is i wake up and you're still in your head and you're like i can't

believe this is i'm in this job and then you have this this weird moment at like 6 15 in the morning where you go hang on a minute carl you don't have that job you're free you're free yeah and this is great early morning moment of going fuck yeah yeah that's not me yeah this is awesome i have like i think i've said this before but i've had like most years i'll have like an anxiety dream about the comedy festival where it's like the show starts that night and i've got nothing i've got literally nothing and i'm up at the start of the day and i'm like you know what you've You've still got a day. The show's tonight. It's not going to be any good, but you can just sit down. You can just write something out and you'll have something tonight.

And then the dream cuts to me like two hours before the gig and I'm just in other people's shows watching them, just in my head being like, what are you doing? Like, why are you doing this? You could still salvage your own thing. You could just be writing out. You could be working out what you're going to do. And so waking up and not being in that is a fucking huge relief.

But I do every now and then I log on and go. Just that thing where you're reminded of being a kid or you have a dream about being a kid where you're so kind of boxed in and what you can do in the world where you wake up and you go i'm an adult i could fucking get up and do you know the cliche i could have ice cream for breakfast if i really wanted yeah i could do fucking anything i want to yeah yeah and it's like you just get that nice little memory and you think about yourself at like 12 and how stoked you would be to know that right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yeah, it's a good feeling. Yeah.

It's never worth forgetting. Yes. Well, thanks, Martin. Thanks, Martin. Martin Sarnward. Appreciate it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Isaac Green. Isaac Green.

We have a lot of Isaacs that have subscribed to this show over the years for considering I don't think I've ever met an Isaac or I don't know an Isaac. I've never known an Isaac. Never. Who's the most famous Isaac that you're aware of? Newton. Okay.

Runner-up, the bartender on the love boat. Okay. Third place, Isaac Green. Yeah, okay. Yeah. up the bartender on the love boat okay third place isaac green yeah okay yeah singer and guitarist from modest mouse is he getting a look in on your list no he's my bartender on the love boat right never heard of it until this moment yes right they should team up they should do it together the two isaacs yeah um speaking of like yeah parents and being allowed stuff i was talking They should team up. They should do it together. The two Isaacs. Speaking of like, yeah, parents and being allowed stuff, I was talking the other day with someone about this,

about like the day I got my license and really feeling like that's the last, that's like the final bastion of your independence when you're growing up. It's like now I can do anything. I can fucking travel around by myself. Didn't have my own car yet but i remember getting my license and going home and i had to do something in the city and i was like oh here we go i'm not gonna have to get the train like some loser yeah he's gonna drive into the city and be like hey dad can i borrow your car to drive into the city for the first time and he just goes absolutely not the city's fucked yeah you gotta do your hook turns you're gonna get into a praying

i'm not allowing this and i was like i was so mad because i was like well you know you i'd like leaving i love this i finally have my independence daddy can i have your car no but exactly it's like leaving vick roads it's like i've got the license it's like this is it yeah i'm i can do fucking anything at any time yeah and then being like oh wait there's almost more hurdles now than there's ever been yeah because now it's like i either have to rely on being allowed to borrow the car or i have to go into the next step of like this other big hurdle now of like saving up to get a car yeah and just being so crushed of like i really had convinced myself that this was like yeah this was it this was the end of the line the ticket yeah the ticket to freedom the ticket to freedom yeah yeah that's i've said this before but my friend that we had this saying i'm sure i've said this

probably multiple times but that saying of like yeah i've got i've got my ticket you've heard that saying before yeah we we've talked about this and i had i had never heard until we talked about it yeah got your ticket as in you've you've meaning it's a metaphorical thing like whatever you've, that means you can then go on and you'll be right in the rest of your life or you'll be right in employment. But my friend thought it was like a literal thing. Like he had some job and they said, oh, you've got your ticket now. And he was like, oh, great. Now I can be a fucking rocket scientist now. Right, right.

No, no, no. You worked in drywall. Yeah. It's not a universal vouch yeah yeah i remember when i got my license the um the instructor telling me and this may not have even been true but this is like such a great thing to put you at ease that he had like done you know gotten the hours up with someone he was like teaching to drive and then they go for the actual like license exam and this person just absolutely shitting the bed and couldn't even get the car out of reverse to leave the office and it's like the person who's like you know the what do they call them

the person who's like deciding if you're gonna get the license not the instructor but the like yeah whoever they are whatever it is they're in the back seat and there's like there's like a time limit that you have to make it you have to have reversed out of the space within like three minutes yeah he's like this girl's losing her mind the fucking wipers are going on oh great like putting the hazards on and he's just like you know he's sitting there trying to just be like just just you've done this a million times just breathe think, just breathe. And then it gets to the end and it's like, you know, the person being like, hey, I'm really sorry. You've failed.

You're going to have to rebook in. And I was, like, so nervous about, like, the shame of coming back, the concept of, like, yeah, having potentially not passed the license test. Yes. Getting back in the line, making another appointment for six months time oh that would be great actually to see as some sort of like weird prank to see like now booking in a license test i don't reckon i'd get it and see see how hard you could fuck the test i i mean i really do think it's kind of crazy that you don't have to re-up your license every

few years like you're so tapped into the specifics of like road rules and stuff yeah that you just when it becomes second nature you just you know you're just kind of driving on instinct yeah it's it's look i don't know how you feel with your parents, but there's certainly people I know of a certain age that, yeah, should not be on the roads. Yeah, I remember getting my license and then you see it all through different eyes and then like a month after that, my grandpa giving me a lift somewhere and just being aware for the first time like, holy fuck.

Yeah, I remember my grandfather. And like I loved my grandpa. I thought he was like the perfect person. Yeah. And then being like, oh, I finally found a chink in the eye. Right. Yeah. I remember my granddad like just very nicely, good for him,

just retiring from the roads by just one day just like driving out and not looking either way and someone going off at him and going, yeah, that was a bad thing to do. Yeah. I should not be doing this. Yeah. A lot of that. You know, there's the old Seinfeld routine where it's about, you know, you've earned it.

Don't look, you know, if you're this age, you don't have to look when you back out your driveway. You do what the fuck you want. Even my mum, like my mum by her own admission, like she grew up in the country. So she like, you know, you just, you wrote, like how you're learning to drive is just so different. Yeah. Because you're learning in, she just like went out into the paddock. Like you're not having to deal with like dense bits of traffic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I mean, if you're the instructor and you're like going along for that like test and then they fail. I mean, there is part of you that's like yes just getting a whole sweet other payday off this yeah just getting them back into the roster yeah yeah you just didn't have the hours up i tried to tell you yeah book in for another few lessons yeah well thanks isaac green thanks isaac welcome to the isaac club yeah welcome along to um the the heaving bunch of isaacs that have signed up for... I wonder what it is about this show that attracts so many Isaacs. But whatever it is, let us know.

We're happy to have you. Thanks very much to Patreon subscriber Belinda Roach. Okay. R-O-C-H-E. Okay. Yeah, but it still counts. Yeah, it still counts. Yeah, it still counts. Yeah.

The old cockroach. I can't remember what – I'm trying to remember what context this happened in, but my girlfriend really made herself laugh the other day. She was with someone talking about skincare brands. Do you know that brand La Roche-Posay? No. But she just, as she was saying it, she put some real stank on it and said, La Roche-Posay.

Right. And just really set herself off. No one else at the table really picked up on what had happened. Right. And then a minute later, it's like, what's she laughing at? Right. Like something that she said a minute ago that no one else heard. Great.

Belinda Roche, Ferrero Roche. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Ferrero. They got their secret chocolate recipe. Is it secret? Well, it's cool when there's a chocolate brand where it's like their shit just tastes like nothing else. Right.

You know what I mean? Like Cadbury's good, but it's chocolate. Does it taste that different? Yeah, like they're like the kind of – oh, no, wait. Am I getting mixed up? No, sorry. I'm thinking of the Kinder Surprise people. Oh.

Whatever they're doing. Right. That's a different style of chocolate. Is it? I, sorry. I'm thinking of the Kinder Surprise people. Whatever they're doing. Right. That's kind of different. That's a different style of chocolate. Is it? I guess so. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not like crazily different, I guess. But then again, I don't really eat too many Kinder Surprises. If you were blindfolded, you'd know if you had like a block of Cadbury dairy milk and then a block of Cadbury and then some knockoffs and then a Kinder Surprise. You'd be like, that's Kinder Surprise. Right. Because you'd be choking on a little figurine of Snoopy. Yes, yes.

Did your kid ever get in a Kinder Surprise? Yeah, a little bit sometimes. I used to fucking love a Kinder Surprise when I was a kid. Yeah. I try and steer away from that a little bit just because our house is full of toys. It is fucking insanely full of toys and uh i mean fuck it it drives me crazy because it's just so i'm always like well you know what happened you're such a cliche dad mode like walking out stepping on lego being like fucking hell yes it's all there's cliches for a reason because they fucking happen. It is just fucking, our house is full of all this fucking shit.

Did we talk about this on the show? That house that I was staying in at the start of the year when they were renovating the bathroom here that you came around to a couple of times. Yeah. Insane how they had three kids. No toys. You'd never know.

No. Immaculate. Yes. And we just kept, The whole time we were there We were like Where are the bodies buried? Like what the fuck is going on with this family That there's like no crap

There's no And obviously they'd cleaned before We'd gotten there And had taken some stuff with them But there was just no evidence of like It was just like The whole house looked like What you turn a house into

Before you like Take photos of it To have the listing online. Absolutely. It was bizarre. Yes. The other day, I do this every now and then. I just get a bag and I look around the house and there's so many fucking toys. Oh, yeah.

What are the ones that I have not seen my child engaging with for six months? And just grab them and went, right. Filled up a fucking huge bag took him down the op shop the thrift store the charity store whatever you call it where you live and and dumped them in there and uh but the thing is my daughter now her new thing is she loves the op shop oh sure yeah so then like a week later we walk past i want to go in there we go in there she sees the toy and goes that's the only that's the only toy I love in here. This is a great toy.

I'm like, that toy looks very familiar. That's yours. That's very familiar. And she goes, I go, do you sure you don't want that one? Don't you have one similar like that at home? And she goes, yeah, I think I lost that one. I haven't seen that one for a while. It's like Woody from Toy Story.

It's got blanket written on the floor. So we just buy that toy back so that was good bring it back and yeah my wife's like why did you buy a toy that looks exactly like a toy we already have i was like yes i don't know why we did that we went to um i went to uh weezer over the weekend i was just telling you off air and friend of the show josh earl was there with his two kids it was their first concert they'd been to and i was there with someone who's got a four-year-old and i was telling him that and he was like fuck that's so awesome like that's the dream of having a kid is that they're like gonna be into the same and he's like kind of

you know his kid's young enough that he's just kind of like hoping that his kid will like sort of be into the same stuff he is. He's into a lot. He's like me. He's into a lot of nerdy stuff. And we were like, it's just the dream, isn't it? Like you one day you're like, hey, son, he's like the, you know, he's the first ever Mario game that I remember playing when I was your age. And you like hold on to all this stuff and then you can like re-experience that through their eyes.

But then the other side of the coin of the nightmare of like sitting the kid in front of it and then being like dad this is gay i hate this can we go kick the footy around no and i was like thinking about myself in that situation and i would then turn into one of those like insane like like sports parents that's like pushing their kid to become a pro athlete because it's like if I can't play video games and read comic books with my kid, then they're going to become a pro athlete and buy me a house when they're 30. Like if I'm not going to get this enjoyment, if they're going to be in a world that I just know nothing about,

then it had better fucking pay off one day. I had my daughter got a little blanket. She was at school and they do – what is it called? Mind mapping. So when it was AFL Grand Final like the other week, they went, oh, what do you think about this? About the AFL grand final? And I realized my daughter just literally doesn't know what AFL football is.

Oh, right. Like we never have it on the house. We don't go to games. Soccer though? She's seen a bit of soccer in the house. So she thinks it's. Yeah. Well, of course she's seen that

so so that was the funny thing is they did the map and they send it you know you get the pictures of it and everyone's it's like what do you think of the afl grand final and every every other kid's like i like richmond i like kicking the footy i like this and then it says you know blanket i don't know what this is i don't know what this is me i don't know what this is. I like soccer. Me and my dad are on the red team. Like, yes, I love that. Okay, cool. That's all she knows.

Yeah, yeah. You watched any of that Beckham doco yet? No. I started watching it last night. It's good. Is it? Yeah, it's really well. What's so good about it?

It's just very well made. I feel like Netflix are at such saturation point with docos, true crime especially but it's just got very good production value and i just also didn't know much about his story like it's cool there's you know it's like that i love anything that's from like an early 90s era where you're just seeing like archival footage of that time just looks so vibey just all the like stuff of them at the world cup it's cool yeah and yeah. And just seeing all the them getting papped, like him just immediately being paparazzi fodder.

It's cool. It's a good doco. Yeah, it was a wild little time for everything because that's when the English Premier League was really kicking off and football changed in that country a lot. It went from being very thought of as working man sport and there was, you know, like the old cliche, the hooligans and whatever,

and then all of a sudden all the money went into the game and it became like fucking a cartoon or whatever. Yeah, and he's like spending all his money on like nice clothes and shit. He's like, no one else had endorsements. No. I liked clothes. I wanted to wear good clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I got 50 pounds. The first I wanted to wear good clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's like, I got 50 pounds. The first ever good-looking soccer player. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, got a check for 50,000 pounds, went out and spent it on clothes, spent all of it on clothes and went, I've just got to get another check for 50,000 pounds now. Yeah. It is so funny though, like, just going like David Beckham

and Posh Spice in relationship. It'sham and posh spice in relationship it's like if they were famous now it's like something that you'd get it's like something that you'd get back from an ai you know it truly is just like pick just two most famous random people ending up together this might be before your time probably and probably is do you remember that like now like fame there's nothing but famous couples that never used to happen yeah like in the 80s it was like who's harrison ford married to or a hairdresser yeah yeah yeah no totally like it was all people married to hairdressers and carpenters and fucking whatever and now it's nearly exclusively uh movie stars going out

with other movie stars. I mean, that's such an interesting thing to track. Like what's the first time when it really becomes like – because obviously there's like PR relationships now. So, you know, like not all of them are 100% genuine. So like at what point does it become a thing of like, hey, this is actually like good for your career. Like around the rise of like the paparazzi and then social media, it's like, hey, if you get a bit of interest going, you know,

you're going to be talked about online and that kind of helps your name get out there even though you're not in a movie for a nice month. Well, also there's just probably – there's just more famous people these days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the odds are you're going to be with another famous person. Yeah. Because in the 80s there was fucking 23 famous people. I mean, I guess, you know, it's funny because it's like we're kind of living it now, I guess.

Not that I necessarily – I don't know who this guy is, but that guy that Taylor Swift is seeing. Like she's now with a very famous NFL player. And it's like, yeah, it's kind of literally that, the big pop star. It's like, yeah, why wouldn't they be together? It's like, yeah, Taylor Swift's not going to just be with some dude that she met at a bookshop. Yeah, yeah. It depends.

Yeah, what social circles is she – how she – at a bookshop. Yeah. Yeah. It depends. Yeah. What social circles is she? How she? Yeah. Unless, yeah, unless a carpenter comes around to her house and she goes, how about you nail me? Yeah. Real like, I mean, that would be nice.

That's, I mean, I feel like people are so tapped out on the like very obvious PR relationship that if you were someone's publicist, what you would be pitching is you go, we're going to Notting Hill you. We're going to find, you're the most famous movie star on the planet, we're going to find some fucking average guy, and we're going to make this the narrative. People are going to love the fact that this guy just delivered a pizza to your house, and now you're getting married to him.

That's going to be the new fairy tale that we put out there. What's his name? I don't know, Without backing up this story, without going in deep and figuring out if this is a real thing or whatever it is, what's the main guy in The Martian? What's his name again? Matt Damon.

Matt Damon. Matt Damon, I remember reading he married just a genuine fan of his. Oh, really? Yeah. Which I find funny. I think he's still with her, right? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. i find funny i think he's still yeah i mean i think he's still with her right yeah yeah yeah i think so yeah i just think that's that's great to meet someone that's coming up and getting an autograph yeah and all of a sudden you're having his kid it's

like that's right that's like it's it's slightly like a fairy tale story but also weird but also if you're like let's say now we've met because you really love me and I've never met you. That's cool. Yeah. Let's get together. That's like, let's say you're Leo and you meet someone and it's like literally anyone that you get together with is going to be a fan, right? Like he's been in, no one is like-

What is a where? I don't know about fan. Yeah, but I mean he's been in so many things and he's been in so many great things that you would never find someone who's like, I hate Leo. I've never liked a movie that he's been in. So it's like whoever you get together with

is at least on some level going to be like, well, I love Titanic. Yeah, I mean, given who he usually goes out with, I think most of his girlfriends have to have their dads explain to them. Yes, true. Oh, Titanic's my favourite movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a really old film.

But I mean, just anyone who's that big that they've been in so many things and so many great things. There's no such thing in the world as someone who's not a fan of Matt Damon in some capacity. Yeah, the fans is a strong word. You're aware of them. You're like The Departed. You're a fan of Matt Damon.

I guess. I don't know. I don't know about that. But thanks, Belinda Roach. Thanks, Roachie. This is our next Talk Back topic. We just have disagreements on the nature of things. Call in.

Tell us who's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good radio show. There's no, like, we don't ask the audience, like, tell us what you think. We bicker. And then the next two hours is call in and tell us who's right. We keep a tally.

End of the episode. I won this week. See you tomorrow, everyone. It's not bad. That's actually pretty good. A running tally. End of the episode. I won this week. See you tomorrow, everyone. It's not bad. That's actually pretty good. A running tally. We're on the air for 10 years. Well, I've done it again.

That's my 1047th victory. Carl, you're just ahead with 1052. But I'm closing in. I'm closing in. That's good. Thanks, Belinda. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Peter Wieldon. Peter Wieldon.

Yeah. Hmm. Wheel. Big wheels. Yeah. Wheels. Big wheels keep on toining. Keep on donning.

Yeah. Peter, classic name, wheel. Having the name wheel in there is, yeah, it's something. Peter Wheelhouse. I don't really know what it is. Is this name right in your Wieldon house? Yeah, it's something. Peter Wheelhouse. I don't really know what it is. Is this name right in your wheel-den house? Yeah, it's in my wheel-den house. God almighty.

Where's wheelhouse come from? I don't know. I've never understood it. Once I got into the lexicon, I was like, what the fuck does this mean? I'm understanding the context of what people are saying. Not to steal IRL gear from someone, but you know what Adam Knox told me the other day? The Genesis, where do you think the phrase pulling your leg comes from?

I have no idea. Take a stab. Pulling your leg. Extrapolate what it's getting at and have a think about what you think it might have come from. Tricking someone. Lying to someone. I'm not pulling your leg.

So that would mean, I guess, I'm not pulling your leg. Fuck, I don't know. My guess was it was like an old school infirmary thing, like maybe wartime. Maybe you woke up, you've been in like a bomb blast and it's like you know your legs miss you know it's like you're pulling my leg it's like not there or whatever that was the best i could come up with some kind of like prosthetic leg thing right but what it is is back in the days of stage coaches the driver would have like a little leather strap on their leg and you would reach out the window and you would like pull on that

to get them to stop but then little kids if they're out the window and you would like pull on that to get them to stop. But then little kids, if they're like riding past, little kids would like grab onto it and they'd be like, get the fuck away from me and stop pulling my fucking leg. Isn't that cool? That's cool. Wheelhouse. Part of a boat or ship serving as a shelter for the person at the wheel.

One's area of interest or expertise. Wait, so hang on. What's the actual, the wheelhouse is a what? A part of a boat or ship serving as a shelter for the person at the wheel. So whoever's the captain, whoever's steering the ship, they live in the little – they're sitting in the little – Something being in your wheelhouse, it's like you know a lot about it, therefore it's – see, I don't like – I like the pulling your leg thing

because it's like, okay, that makes sense. That's like an actual – but when you look up therefore it's see i don't like i like the pulling your leg thing because it's like okay that makes sense that's like an actual but when you look up it's like what's the etymology and it'll be like this is the real thing and then this is the saying and it's like what's the link yeah there's no link where there's no link this this cunt is in a fucking wheelhouse steering a ship yeah that's right in my wheelhouse that's right in my wheelhouse that's steering so is it like that's his little base the wheelhouse is his little base yes therefore he's got it just decked out with stuff that he knows and likes because that's where he's chilling that's where he's relaxing well that's so i would

say like this room is my wheelhouse it's all stuff that's in my wheelhouse he's yeah what's right in his wheelhouse is the wheel to steer a ship because he's the captain of a boat yeah yeah this is right in my wheelhouse uh the wheel because that's my job yeah this office is right in my podcast house yes exactly exactly it means nearly nothing yeah that's crazy i don't like that at all that's disappointing i like it more because it's it's fucking stupid i think that's why nox was so excited to find out the pulling my leg thing because it's like it's oftentimes you look these up and they're just bullshit. So to find one that's like very literal and has an interesting old timey thing

to it that makes sense where you can just go like, how crazy is that? Bunch of kids just pranking a stage coach driver. Yeah. And then whatever it is, like centuries later, it's a turn of phrase. Yes.

Like if it hadn't been for that little kid, like fucking around being a little jackass, we would have just a completely different lexicon like that's crazy yes not just like oh um that's uh that's that room is a thing what if um yeah what if we just said that as a um shorthand for um having an area of interest yes uh that's in my firehouse yes there. There you go. Yeah, that's, I mean, I think people need to get back to the drawing board and go back and maybe have a different word for that because... We're due for some new sayings. We're due for some new slang.

Yeah, that'd be good. Peter Wieldon. Yeah, I'm sorry to break it to you that that's how that saying comes about. The only interesting thing about wheels there is, I mean, back in prehistoric days, that guy was just called Peter Don. And then they had to invent the wheel first. Maybe he invented it because he's like, this name sucks. Yeah, yeah.

Peter Don, what's that? I want to get something else going on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People thought he was like this name sucks yeah yeah peter don i want to get something else going on here yeah yeah people thought he was like the small goods guy yeah people like hey can i have a bit of salami yeah and he's like oh this is just annoying i want to be known for something else other than just my delicious sausage yeah he's like he was hanging out with a guy that was like he was just a man for a living yeah he invented fire he invented fire. So it was like, oh, okay, cool. Now I'm a fireman. Yeah. Yeah.

Way back. Way, way back. This is way, way, way back. Yeah, this is like, yeah, like 50, 60 years or so. Yeah, yeah, this is ages ago. Way back. Ages. So long ago.

This is before Patreon existed. Yeah. Well, thanks, Peter. Thanks so much. Just one left. And then then what Tommy gotta do a couple bonuses right do we

just me and you yeah no guests this week yeah we're in good form are we I think we got a bit we got a bit of rapport going

it's okay I'm feeling alright well I'm feeling warmed up right okay well that's good alright so this is okay the next thing will be better than this this doesn't have to be good

okay this is the end of the free bit that no one's listening to. No, don't say that. People listen to this. No, people listen, but you know what I mean. It's like if anything's going to take a dip in quality, of the three different forms of Little Dumb Dumb Club that we have to do in the week, being main episode,

bonus episodes, and Talking Dumb Dumb, if you have to pick any of them to suffer, I'm fine for that to be talking dumb dumb. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, speaking of a dip in quality, let's do the fifth. We've got one more name.

We'll do one more name. Who is it this week? That's a great question, Tommy. Yeah, right. I'll just hit the generator button any time now. And this is fine because like I said, we're about to do the bonus that people pay for. Yes.

So don't tire yourself out too much with this bit. I don't need – why am I tiring it? All I'm doing is pressing the button on the random – I'm saying don't even do that. Don't even exert yourself by extending the finger. Yeah. Should we only do four this week? Why not?

At this point, I'm very fine with only doing four this week, Tommy. Unless you want to come and press the button. Hang on, her name's just come up on the screen. Unless you want to press the button. Yeah, I'll push the button. Her name's just come up on the screen. Okay, here we go. Absolutely feel free.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber to only four this week comedy. Okay, that's fine. Wow. That's bizarre. That's subscriber to Only For This Week Comedy. Okay, that's fine. Wow. That's bizarre. That's a weird first name. That's kind of weird, isn't it? That is a weird first name. I mean, I think we have more Isaacs subscribed to us than we have Only For This Weeks.

Just. I reckon. Only just. Yeah, yeah. I'll do a search. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Once the guy from Modest Mouse signed up, that tipped it over.

Right, right, right. That tipped the scales. Yeah. Once the guy from Modest Mouse signed up, that tipped it over. Right, right, right. That tipped the scales. Who's the most famous only for this week that you know of in the world? Well, the only for this week comedy. Yes. Oh, that's the most famous. That's the most famous, yeah. Who's the least famous you know about then?

Only for this week drama. Okay. Okay, take it back. We're in formula. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's let's get going all right thanks everyone patreon.com slash little dum-dum club if you want to hear what we're about to record now that we're um now that we're juiced up and ready to go uh little dum-dum club.com for all the live tickets to shows we've got coming up guys thank you for listening and we'll see you next time see you mates