The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 690 - The Best of 2023

Episode Date: December 27, 2023

It's our annual countdown of the best episodes of the year as voted by YOU! Relive some of your favourite moments of the year OR use this episode as a jumping in point if you've never listened before! Zoom episodes, live episodes, great guests and a star-studded Number One! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead. And joining us today, we have a very special guest. You might be familiar with their work. You might have just been hanging out with them for the last 365 days. That's right, folks.

It's the year of our Lord, 2023. Yay! Pleasure to be here. What? Hang on. I don't know. The year's got Husey's voice. The year sounds like Husey.

Okay. All right. So this is the best of the best of 2023. Thanks to everyone who was stuck by us and listened all the way through. This is, today this is, we're going to count down. Stuck by us. Yeah. Whatever.

In spite of the allegations, we really appreciate it. In spite of the allegations, we did comedy. Yeah. It's not buyers. Yeah, whatever. In spite of the allegations, we really appreciate it. In spite of the allegations, we did comedy. It's not true. I think you'll know from listening to all these last 52 weeks. So we put a thing out on the socials and all that sort of stuff. Vote for your favorite episode of the year. And these are the results. We're going to count down the top five.

Yeah. In general. Look, you put together the list, Tommy. Put it up there. Put a little synopsis for all the episodes that went by. And I was like, fuck, we've together the list, Tommy, put it up there, put a little synopsis for all the episodes that went by, and I was, fuck, we've done a lot this year. Yeah. There's a lot of hot content, a lot of great little storylines, a lot of good episodes.

Yeah, some good guests. And, of course, this is a sort of nice little showcase for sometimes people say, hey, I really like your podcast, and it'd be great to share to someone else, to a friend of mine, what episode would be good to share? And this is a nice little, this is the roses chocolates. This is the Cadbury favorites. This is the little episode that you can give to someone and there's a lot of little snack size, bite size pieces.

A couple of things in there you don't really like. There's a couple of like Turkish delights in there or something like that. This is one of those riffs because we've just done our end of year stuff for my other podcast. And I do always wonder as we get into the riffs at the start of these, it's like, is this the same stuff that we've said every other year? Have we compared it to a box of roses or favorites every other year? Probably. I don't know. This is the, these episodes of the morrow bar.

There's no Turkish delight in there. I don't know. These episodes of the Morrow Bar. There's no Turkish Delight in there. I don't care. I don't care either. Hey, it's been a whole year. Yeah, exactly. And hey, if we're going to worry about reheating old gear at this point, then fuck, we're in trouble. As Forrest Gump said, content is like a box of chocolates.

I thought it was life is like a box of content. Okay, maybe that's it. Life is like a podcast that you've been listening to for 12 years. We're like Forrest Gump. You know exactly what you're going to get. We're like Forrest Gump. We have learning disabilities. Now, this is new.

This is a new one because I hadn't seen Forrest Gump until this year. I haven't seen it either. So I'm coming to this, even if we have made this Forrest Gump analogy before, I'm coming to it with fresh eyes because I actually know the whole context of what it's about, not just the broad strokes. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, we've been running across the country, gathering up content.

We've been running into different little famous episodes of fucked in the head things happening. And we now have AIDS. Spoiler alert. Oh oh is that what happens it's weird because he he has aids at the end but they like don't they don't say that it's they don't say it they just really really dance he's like oh yeah i've been really sick and the doctors don't know what it is that's so funny to me again sorry i have never watched it but the whole point or the whole idea of the movie in me is he just pops up in different points of history.

Yep. And it's like, oh, you met Elvis. Oh, you met the Beatles. Oh, you went to Vietnam, whatever. All these culturally important parts. And then he just gets AIDS. He gets AIDS. Because AIDS is a thing that happened in the 80s.

Weird. Well, what is also weird about that is that they they don't explicitly go this is aids right they really dance around it because i guess they're trying to make a big like family movie or whatever and it still is a bit of a not talked about thing at the time but before this he's done philadelphia i was gonna say which is like the whole a big part of the point of that was hey this is killing people no one's talking about it yeah let's kind of shine a light on this and kind of like humanize it a bit more and like put it out there a bit more so he's kind of done all this work and then like it's weird that it's not that long after that he doesn't go like hey

i can't this is a little bit hypocritical to now like dance around it like why don't we just say that that's what it is? Is this like when Bryan Cranston finished Malcolm in the Middle and then everyone was like, oh, it's the dad from Malcolm in the Middle and he's just gone into Breaking Bad. That's the same guy. His life ended up like this. Is that what Forrest Gump is?

Forrest Gump gets AIDS and then goes straight into Philadelphia. And then becomes Philadelphia. Well, interesting. Because the timeline, that probably does work, actually. Because by the time Forrest Gump finishes, it's like the... Yeah, Forrest Gump probably does finish before Philadelphia takes place. Even though Philadelphia was made before, yeah. You could do a movie poster that's called Philadelphia, colon, Forrest Gump 2.

Yeah. Right, great. I like it. That's an interesting thought experiment where you take an actor and you go, how many of their films could you string together and assume that they're the same person? And you have to have a pretty strict set of rules.

It has to be within the realm of possibility with a little bit of... They can't be dead at the end of the film, obviously. Indiana Jones can't be Han Solo. Right, yeah. So in the case of the film obviously indiana jones can't be hand solo right yeah so like in the case of tom hanks you really can only get from forest gump to philadelphia because he dies at the end of philadelphia yeah so that's it the line ends there again another spoiler but if he didn't maybe you could then go yeah and then he's in then that then it's the same guy in castaway yeah

right yeah yeah who's an actor that you can string feasibly? It's within the realm of possibility in the ages that they play and in where they take place in time that you could assume that these all happen in the same world. Daniel Craig all throughout the Bond movies. Yeah. And then also in The Knives Out. Yeah.

He's retired he's retired from being James Bond he survived the bomb blast he survived the bomb blast yeah that was just to fake his own death so that he could become Benoit Blanc

the world's greatest detective the world's second greatest detective after Batman yeah right because he's you know he wants out of he wants out of MI6

but he's you know he still wants to help fight crime yeah but just in a bit less's, you know, he wants out of, he wants out of MI6, but he's, you know, he still wants to help fight crime. Yeah. But just in a bit less of a, you know. Yeah. Not putting himself on the line so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just wants to be turning up to a, to an English manor.

Yes. And just finding out who put poison in the coffee. Yeah. Um, he, he wants to have some martinis that are stirred. Yeah. He just wants to get out of that persona. Yeah. He doesn't want the Kremlin shooting at him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just wants to, you know, he just wants to be out of that persona Yeah He doesn't want the Kremlin shooting at him Yeah He just wants to You know He just wants to be in an eccentric billionaire's house For a couple of days That's it Well Speaking of eccentric billionaires

Yes Tommy Daslow and Carl Chamberlain Little Dumb Dumb Club Yes 2023 What a year Tommy Now you've I don't know any of the results here.

Yeah. You are announcing them fresh. I don't know them either. Oh, wow. How are we going to do this? Rock, paper, scissors with 52 different episodes. Yeah, great. I think that's totally fair.

We just draw them out of our hat. Yeah. We should do that one year. The best of is completely random. Yeah. Well, you know what we should do? One of these we should do, like, you know how they have, like, Triple J Hottest 100?

Then sometimes they do Hottest 100 of All Time. Oh, yeah. One of these episodes we should do the All Time ones. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah. But not this episode. No. This one is just for 2023.

So, like I said, share it amongst your friends. This is a good little bite size. We've picked snippets of the best episodes you think from this year. And I'm very excited to hear what number five is, Tommy. Yeah. Well, would you like to hear that right now? I would like to hear it right now. Because being excited is good.

Yeah. You know, you might. Okay. For all I know, you might want to be excited for like a little bit longer, you know. No, I can't stay excited for that long. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Here we go. Okay. Number five in the countdown episode 651 cameron james and concetta carista oh wow okay two two great guests one of one of which has had a sex dream about me and also can cure it on the phone. That's great. How very Sydney of you. That's actually interesting you brought that up because I wanted to talk about that a little bit. Please, let's get into it. Okay, because this...

I believe that's what you said in your dream as well. Oh, Lord. I didn't realise it was that kind of show. Jeez Louise. Fucking hell. I'm very ill. La Porchetta is open for business. This show's getting blue

and so is going on. I want to bust a nut, guys. Carl and I just have that kind of chemistry. Well, yeah, sure. Maybe you and Carl have that kind of chemistry, but I have something special

with Tommy as well. And it's something that I've never actually spoken about on this podcast, but it is that sometime many years ago, I have had a semi-sexual experience with Tommy

Dasolo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A semi. Bone. Boners as a boner over Tommy. What? I don't even know if you remember this, Tommy, because you were asleep for it. Was he consenting? No, no, no.

This is about... We did share an apartment together in Brisbane, so I would love, you know, one day I was limping around a fair bit, so I'd love some answers. Is this an exclusive?

Cam Bone is the Cosby of Australian comedy? This predates our Brisbane apartment, Tommy. This is a long time ago. It was back when you were living with Tom Ballard in Melbourne. Yep. And you very kindly let me stay at your apartment while Ballard was away.

And so I was sleeping in Ballard's room. Yeah. And we both gigged together. We had a great night, a few beers, a few Philly cheesesteaks. We're having a good time. I went home early, crashed out, and then I woke up, I reckon, two hours later. Oh, no. No.

I've never prayed for a bad internet connection in my life. Are we back? I've got a feeling whatever you say next, I've got a feeling we are going to have a particularly short podcast this week. Is it working? Can you hear us? Yeah, can you not hear us? Okay, so I woke up about two hours later to what could only be described

as the sounds of Tommy Dasolo having incredibly acrobatic sex with his girlfriend at the time. No. Through the wall. What does acrobatic sex with his girlfriend at the time. No. Through the walls. What does acrobatic mean? Like acrobatic. You could hear the acrobatics. You could hear the Cirque du Soleil music playing.

Could you hear them fall on the net? There was a French clown running around. Could you hear them juggling? First I woke up because I heard something smash. No. And I was like, fuck, there's been a break in. And there was in a way. Wow.

He smashed into the back of her. So what was the position? I couldn't hear the position. Oh, right. I was going to ask, could you hear whether it was like vaginal or anal? Could you hear if it was good or not? It sounded like they were both having a really good time. And were you like, woo!

I could hear both of them going like, yes! High five! Weirdly, Cam, are you hearing this? Weirdly, I do have a vivid memory of this because it's the one and only time I've ever done it. So luckily this is seared into my memory. You've heard 100% of my rooting. That's great. You cop the audio cherry.

That's very nice work. It was one of those experiences. I was pretty drunk and I woke up and for a while I was like, this must be a dream. Like, this must be a dream. Like, am I darting on to heaven? Because I'm hearing some insane orgasmic noises from male and female. The room is shaking around me. Oh, the big double.

Were you, like, on board for one, Max? Like, did you hear it get to the end? Oh, yes. Did you pick it? You were like, and now? Three, two, one. Conchetta, how sweet of you to assume there would have been a climax. How beautifully naive. I'm a hopeless romantic.

That's why. Always leave them wanting more. That's my motto in comedy and in the bedroom. You get the light when you're having sex, right, Dastla? You go, all right, I'm getting the light. That's me. I was going to ask. I was going to ask you something you did.

Were you running that bedroom? Yeah. Did you come in and- I was like, who books this? Now, actually, in Sydney, you just ring a little bell up there, don't you? You don't shine a light. Now, I'll finish on this. And I'll finish on these.

Oh, man, I'll tell you what. You have really played the long game here, because I reckon that was like seven years ago. It was such a long time ago. And you've done the pod program so much. And you're doing it. I've never brought it up. It's so funny.

Tommy and I have never spoken about it, apart from the morning after. How many times have you come onto this podcast with that in the back pocket thinking, this is the one I whip it out on, and then we immediately get into Conchetta's sex dream, and you're like, if it's not today, then it's never going to happen. I actually thought a long time ago, I thought, I'm going to let that story just be something special that we shared

and not something that we give to the listeners. And it wasn't until I re-listened to Conchetta on your live show that I thought, no, it's time. We need to talk about it. Because I don't know if you remember this, Daslo, the next morning I was having breakfast in the kitchen and you came in and apologised. Smoking a cigarette.

Bring a smoking jacket. He's still rock hard. Smoking a cigarette Bring a smoking jacket He's still rock hard You were like Sorry about last night But you had this smirk on your face Like you were not sorry

You were pretty happy with how things went I fucking hate all of this I hate I love that That's my favourite bit of this story Is that you come in with the smirk because that's up there with friend of the show, Danny McGinley, who's quite, quite want to like say to other comics.

Oh yeah, man. Had a really big session. Had sex last night. And it's like, oh, with who? It's like my wife. Oh, I don't know if you can brag about that to like other people that know each people. I don't know. It's a weird thing to brag about.

Yeah. I guess that deep into people. I don't know. It's a weird thing to brag about. Yeah. I guess that deep into a marriage, maybe it is pretty quirky, but like, oh man, this has been the worst seven minutes of my life. That's what she said. Yes! You think you can't hate yourself anymore.

You think you're at rock bottom in terms of your self-esteem, and then it's like, yeah, you came in with a little smirk on your face. My fucking God. Actually, no, you're right. I was about to like, yeah, you came in with a little smirk on your face. My fucking God. Actually, no, you're right. I was about to go, what are you complaining about? But the smirk has turned that story all around.

I'm everything I hate. You were pretty stoked. And rightfully so. No, to answer your question, Conchera. Sorry, Cam. Sorry, Cam. We weren't having one of our Melbourne earthquakes last night. sorry, Cam, we weren't having one of our Melbourne earthquakes last night.

It's crazy that you were remarking to me when you got in here that it's brick and the walls are really thick, and well, next thing you know. Do you think it made you closer or sort of set you apart? I think closer. I think closer. It's pretty intimate. You were basically in a threesome, really. Well, yeah, I mean, I came.

I know that much. Well, that was two of you. That's good. I timed it with Dassilo as well. Cam, I'm so sorry. I loved it. And I'm not smirking. I want it clear to the listeners.

He's raising his eyebrows up and down really quickly right now. I have had a lot of elbows to the ribcage through this story. Yeah. He's pretty proud of it on this scene. And they've done it again. And they've done it again. Okay. What happened in that bit?

Well, that was, in that episode, Cameron James talking about hearing me rooting when he stayed at my house once. Yeah, yeah. And, of course, his long expose about working in a theatre restaurant. Oh, yes. And he's doing a whole show about that at comedy festivals all around the country next year. He is.

In the year 2024. Mm-hmm. So, we get a percentage off the back of that, I believe, through that happening, through him. I think he's just going to play this episode and walk off stage for 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, wow, that's...

And it was only voted number five. Well, I presume that number four through one are all going to be like stage musicals or something even bigger. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, spoilers. But number one is when we had the cast of cats on oh right yeah okay the live action one or the oh yeah we had animated characters on our show oh yeah we had top cat on yeah and just like what was just like in philadelphia and forest gump they got cat aids yeah yeah what was his little posse called? The Pussy Posse?

Top Cat's little gang of cats? Did they have a name? I feel like they had a name. I don't know if there was a name. I used to like Top Cat. Yeah, I used to like all of them. Everyone except for Pepe Le Pew and Forrest Leghorn. Forrest Leghorn?

Foghorn. Sorry, I'm stuck. I say, I say, life is like a box of chocolates. I say, I say. I'm getting awfully skinny here. Yeah. I feel a bit ill. Yep.

Yep. A gaunt foghorn leghorn. Yeah, that's not bad. You don't like foghorn? No. Very annoying. He's a bit... I can't really remember what his cartoons were about.

All the other ones are like... A lot of them are people getting chased around. That's always fun. But what was his shtick? I can't really remember. Yeah. To be honest, I think I had something against nearly all of them that wasn't Bugs Bunny.

Whenever you'd see it happen, you'd see the Warner Brothers thing. And you're, here we go. And then it's not Bugs. And you go, well, fuck this. I really only wanted to see Bugs. Yeah, I know what you mean. It's funny. There's those ones where I can't really remember what Porky Pig was ever really doing.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Porky Pig hasn't really cut through to the year 2023, has he? He doesn't really appear anywhere. You still see Bugs Bunny stuff. You still see some of the characters But there's not a lot of Porky Pig going around these days

I'd say there's more Porky than like Foghorn Leghorn There is that lower tier that are getting left behind There's not a lot of Speedy Gonzales going around these days No Which is a shame because he's a good character He's a little mouse that can go really fast He's always getting chased around by Sylvester. Yeah.

Yeah, Sylvester. Tweety gets a great run. Well, Sylvester, I liked those ones where it was like, you see a Tweety bird cartoon. Okay, well, Sylvester's popping up. Yeah. And he's trying to catch the Tweety bird. You've got to have some tinge.

But then you've seen Speedy Gonzales, and Sylvester's popping up again. Oh, yeah, you're right. I always felt like, why didn't, I kind of always liked that it was just like, Sylvester's popping up again i always felt like why didn't i i kind of always liked that it was just like sylvester's like a bit of a gun for hire right you know everyone else you know you got the coyotes chasing the roadrunner it does make sense i mean the cat wants to eat birds and mice yeah so it does make sense i get it i wonder if there was a point where i don't know which one was first i would would assume Tweety Bird and Speedy Gonzalez came second

where they were beating their heads against the wall going, what are we going to... And someone's like, guys, we've got a cat already. Let's just chuck that in there. And everyone's like, that's so lazy. And it's kind of the beginning of the idea of the MCU shared universe. No, the cat's in both of them.

Yeah, yeah. Did Tweety ever meet Speedy Gonzalez? Did they ever have a Marvel team-up? That's a great question. I don't think so. Did they ever double-team Sylvester? That would have been good. Well, if you got Tweedy, Speedy, the Roadrunner,

the cat from Pepe Le Pew. I don't know if it has a name. I don't think it does. The female cat. Yeah. And then I think those are the ones. Then in seven different episodes had paint poured down its back. Yeah.

You got those four and then they're being chased around by a rogues gallery of the coyote, Sylvester and Pepe Le Pew. They're all coming together. Yeah. And that's going to get weird because it's like, Sylvester's like, I want to eat that fucking bird and kill that, snap that mouse's neck. Yep.

And the coyote's like, I want to eat that goddamn fucking delicious Roadrunner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Pepe Le Pew's like, I've got to be honest, I want to fuck that cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to rape that cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The other two are like, whoa, hang on, I kind of feel like maybe we need to not really talk about our objectives here too much because I think we're all on different pages. Could you, you know, you've still got the Mickey Mouse merch going around. You've still got, you know, a bunch of like Tweety, a bunch of that sort of stuff. Could you get cancelled for walking around with a Pepe Le Pew shirt on these days? Yeah, I wonder if like a, you know, Target or whatever where they sell a lot of Leargy and stuff. Are you finding Pepe Le Pew on on these days. Yeah, I wonder if, like a Target or whatever where they sell a lot of Looney Tunes stuff.

Are you finding Pepe Le Pew on the rack? Yeah. What if you made one up that just says, I love this Looney Tune? Yeah. This is my favourite. To me, he's not loony. He's just a tune.

No, just, you know what? That would actually be a good shirt. If it was just a plain shirt with a picture of Pepe Le Pew and then just the word cancelled underneath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be quite good. Anyway, yeah, good stuff.

Cam James. Conchetta, only been on the show a couple of times, but she's absolutely killing it at the moment on Triple J. Always fun on this show. And, yeah, we'd love to have her on again soon. Obviously, hard to line up. But yeah, we kind of, we got her in and then she started taking off immediately. Good for her.

Not bad. Not bad result for a Zoom episode as well. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The return of our old friend. Number five. Okay.

Number four on the countdown. Episode 685. Oh, my God. Featuring the work of comedy performers. Who? Gareth Reynolds and Tom Ballard. Oh, this is the one where we're in the same room together and we are talking about pyjamas yet again.

And what was the other subject? We're talking about pyjamas coming off and then the penis that's underneath those pyjamas being sucked on by a man. Of course. Me and Milan. Here it is. Your number four. I hear a bit of like I'm in bed. I'm through from from 6 a.m to 10 a.m I'm like oh you know I'm sort of like muddled sleep I'm hearing a little bit of noise out there and whatever how dare she yeah I know that's what I'm thinking so then I'm going back to sleep anyway

I get to a point where she's decided okay it's time to get up so then my wife walks in and opens the door I'm like wow she's usually quite polite, but she sort of just flung the door open, woken me up, and I'm like very hungover, very tired. And she goes, and what is this? And holds up my phone, and I've got the, not the function, but just the setup where the messages are just playing on the phone.

They're just, they're sitting there. The notifications, the full thing is coming and when you did the gesture it seems like lots of notifications like people are where's Carl scrolling

yeah entertainment works early too Carl yeah exactly get up exactly a lot of people at 5am wondering where

an open mic is you know yeah sale at Captain Snooze today only 50% off. A lot of fans texting me at 5am

going, are you wearing them? Are you wearing them right now? What are you wearing? You're edging me. Sorry, Tom, you had a question.

So you get messages of everything. Facebook, Instagram. Particularly texts. All your notifications come up and it's not, you can set it so

that it just says you've got a message or you can have it so that it just says you've got a message or you can have it so the actual message itself will show up which I learned after that she can read what is being said

she's reading the messages and it's all in 40 size font because you're 50 years old I don't do that I don't do that absolutely on the iPad

that he travels around because all his communicating show me the show me the size of your text show me the size of your text right now. Show me the size.

I bet it's fucking big. I bet it's fucking big. Oh, it is. Oh, that's normal, isn't it? That's not normal. That is... Damn. That's big.

What's yours? You want smaller than that? Whose is bigger? No, yours is normal. Mine's normal. Yours is bigger. Yours is bigger? Suck shit, Boomer.

Fuck you. Give me a house Suck shit, boomer. Fuck you. Give me a house for free, you fuckhead. Guys, I can't have another Friday afternoon where I sit around in a hotel room and ask whose is bigger. Let's get on with it, please. Australia's naughtiest video. We're about to get cancelled. So my text messages come up.

And so my wife walks in, holds the phone up and so my wife walks in holds the phone up and goes what the fuck is this and I'm like I don't

again the texts aren't big enough like Tom Ballard's I can't read them from that distance mine are minuscule because I have

perfect 20-20 eyesight you're really overdoing it maybe 21-20 eyesight maybe who knows alright see Carl finds it he's like

see I'm the best one on this show. Rarely does that ray of light cast upon him. He's like, I will take advantage of this moment. I'm the regular one, everybody. You'd be surprised how handy it is to read slightly smaller font than Tom Bellow. It's quite a talent of mine. Tom, I appreciate that you had to take the shot, but it's really backfiring. Fuck it for all of us.

Carl's next show. My font's normal. Tom Ballard's isn't RIP. Well, well, well. He's still 60 years old. Who is the alpha in this room? All right. Australian of the year, Carl Chandler.

There's only one request in this will. It says that the order of service has to be in size 72. I can't read the will. Here's a bigger one. Yeah, I pop out of the coffin. Well, I could have read it. All right. Why is he in pajamas?

Technically, this is a performance. Yeah, would you want to be buried in pajamas? Yes, I'll make sure that happens. Please say yes. I feel like I died enough in pajamas back in the day. I don't sure that happens. Please say yes. I feel like I died enough in pyjamas back in the day. I don't need that again. Anyway, so she walks in and goes, what is this? And I'm like, I can't read it.

I was like, I don't know what it is. What does it say? And it says, what the hell are you and Milan up to? And I'm like, what? Me and Milan? Because we've been out that night. We'd been at the show and we'd been drinking. And I'm like, I don't know what you because we've been out that night, like we'd been like, we'd been at the show and we'd been drinking and I'm like,

I don't know what you're talking about. Then she starts like, reading the text. So what had happened is, in hindsight, what had happened was, Milan had been through a breakup, so we'd been talking a lot,

we'd been hanging out, we'd been drinking and then that night we'd been getting really violently drunk and then, so on the way home, he's like texting me going, hey man,

I really appreciate it all the time that we've been spending together and you've been talking about what we've been going through and it's really helped me a lot and i'm really being in a bad place i'm in a better place now i really owe you and man i really love you i love you man next and then because of course we're men and we're idiots and we're comedians and whatever you can't just stop there then it turns into man and next time i see you i'm gonna fucking suck your dick and then it's then this is like me at 2am then going yeah man I love you too

I'm going to fuck your ass next time I see you and then him going not if I suck your dick first and eat your ass and fuck you in the ass and me going but not if I hold you down

and fuck your mouth and all this stuff now this is some Tom Ballard text this I can relate to I can one size the font all of a sudden all of a sudden all of a sudden Bella's putting on

two monocles going well I gotta read this thing two monocles Tom let me tell you about an updated invention damn it

one of them's always fallen off there's gotta be a better way it's a fucking nightmare so then she's reading these out

and I'm like oh my god and then she's reading these out and I'm like, oh my God. And then she's reading these out going, you've been out every night this week with Milan. Is this what you've been doing? Have you been having sex with Milan? Does she really think it or is she busting your balls? No, no, no.

She literally thinks you're banging Milan. All of a sudden she's just sitting there not knowing what to do because I've been out every night. And she's like literally sort of thinking like putting two and two together and going, I've been out every night. And she's literally sort of thinking, putting two and two together and going, I've been out every night. I've been out with Milan every night. Milan has a very bad habit of getting on Instagram and putting up stories of whoever he's drinking with, thus letting everyone's partners know that they are out too late past their bedtime

and they shouldn't be drinking with Milan in a bar. So she's just seen that every night. Then seen this and gone this is starting to add up and also one of her very very good friends is married to a man

who was married to another man for 20 years and that had been all bubbling around at that time where she was just sort of like

how do you how do you marry to a man for 20 years and then immediately just like it's like the guy's sort of like oh that's you marry to a man for 20 years and then immediately just like the guy's sort of like, oh that's ancient history. Don't worry about that, I'm married to you now. And so they've been talking

about that a lot. So that's been stuck in her head a lot. Every man on earth is gay. And this just confirmed it. This could be the start of a 20 year marriage with Milan. This could happen. Is there a Patreon level to get that done? That would be awesome.

So, so I'm like, I'm in bed. So I'm hungover. I'm tired and whatever. She's yelling at me. She's reading the transcripts of like blow by blow, literally like what I'm,

the insane things we're saying to each other and going, is this it? Are you gay with Milan? And I'm like, look, no offense to Milan, but like, I think both of us could do a lot better if we decided to do that. I don't think either of us would be. Also, clearly you're going to be the bottom. I mean, come on.

That's going to be my question to you. Really? Yeah. What would be... Yes. How would that work? I was joking. How would gay Carl work?

Imagine, Tom, if when you'd hosted Q&A, someone in the audience had been like, I've got a question. Who would be fucked in the ass out of me and Milan versus who would do the fucking? How would gay Carl work? How does straight Carl work? I don't know where any of it was.

Not well. Not well. It is a page one rewrite. I know, but this could be... Honestly, we should give Gay Carl a shot. That's what I'm thinking. That's not even the top with your wife. Straight Carl, pajamas on stage, buying file cabinets.

I mean, Gay Club to the pajamas. I'm thinking they start to make sense. This is normal maybe now. How would I operate in the gay world? Men would rather pretend to suck off Milan than go to therapy. Could I be a success in gay car? No. Gay car.

I think I could be good. I like keep myself in shape. I'm like bitchy. I'm like, you know, I could be that guy. What are you talking about? What are you? Let me pitch gay me to you. Yes.

If you go to gay events, you will see a lot of men on stage in shorts. So it might be a problem. You might not enjoy it. Not for me. Not for me. That will be a struggle. That's his conversion therapy. Yucky.

No, thank you. I'm straight again. I'm not gay. I just want to suck Milan's dick. What is that? Well, there is this phenomena of all these men who have they're called men who have sex with men who don't identify as gay. Oh, really?

A lot of sex with dudes. There was a great, there was a whole thing too of like J.O. parties that I found like a Reddit on like years ago. J.O. meaning? Jerk offO meaning jerk off. And so it would be guys just going like, all right, I'm basically looking for someone to come over to my house.

We'll build some little trains. J-O party. Nothing gay. The amount of times they're like, nothing gay. Just J-O party. Build some Legos. Some TV. J-O.

Nothing gay. I mean, the building trains is the gayest party. Look how big my dick look to these little things. Hang on, this train's full of cum. What? Yeah. It's going straight for my ass. There's going to be a

slight delay on the 510. Backing the train up and reversing it and making it go through the mountain again and again. There you go. Getting any ideas here?

And they've done it again. Wow. Well, here's a little footnote to that story. Well, to that story then being talked about later on on the live episode. Oh, yes. That we then did. Now, that sort of subject was brought up. And the tech, who had never seen our podcast before. Oh, yes. At the end of the episode came up and the tech who'd never seen our podcast before.

Oh, yes. At the end of the episode came up and went, yeah, yeah, so that's – that was great. That was really funny and, you know, a bit full on to keep – for your friends to keep, you know, hanging shooting you for being gay. And I was like, that's not – that wasn't the point of it. And the defense being, no, no, it's actually not, it's not as bad as you make it sound. I'm not gay and they're making fun of me for being gay. Yes.

If I were actually gay, then what was happening would be a hate crime. Yes. But because I'm not and they're saying that I am, it's funny. Yeah, yeah, that's comedy. Yeah. You don't understand. You've teched comedy before. Yes.

Surely you've seen this so then he i got into a mild argument with this man because i'm like no no so i'm not going he's like no no no you are and i'm like no i'm not fantastic they're they were just saying that and they're like no but you're not being serious now are you i'm like i am being serious now yeah like yeah i love these comedians they're always on and you're like mate go listen to episode 685 yeah vote for it in the end of year poll and you'll hear the full fucking story yes but i'm like i'm saying to him i'm like i think it's so funny because he's he's just again like listen to that whole episode watched it and then gone what so the joke is that i've then gone out and said, yeah, yeah, my wife thinks I'm gay and I am.

I have been fucking all these guys. And then a room full of people all laugh at it. And he's like, great, okay, well, that's all out in the open now. And here's my child. And my parents are here. Yeah, what was their take on that all? I thought we might get some kind of follow-up on that. They did not say a word about it.

That's great. No, they just let that go. You know, there was a few little bits where I said, oh, what did you think? And they were like, great. And my dad even said the bit where he goes, he said, yeah, I mean, you and Tommy up at the start, like, even that was sort of funny. Like, even that. Even that funny. Like, even that.

Even that. Even us. Even that. The two stars of the show. The main thing. The one consistent element of the show. Yeah, the people who dictate the sensibility of what's happening. The creators and the people who have been running this thing for 13 years.

Producers, creators, hosts. Even that was sort of all right and I got in for free. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah okay yeah yeah yeah oh that's good um yeah fun stuff uh crammed in a fucking sweaty little hotel room yes god i mean you know you've got to make it easy for people who are visiting but my heart sinks when you get the message through oh yeah come here yeah it's like oh this is never gonna be this is never gonna be very good have we ever good have we ever been have we ever recorded an episode in a reasonable sized hotel room larry emder oh yeah

that was big and that was only with one guest too we could have had fucking eight people on that episode yes larry emder and grant denyer oh yeah that's true that was a big ass hotel that was a big hotel room. That was impressive. Yeah. I think that might have been the most impressive hotel room we've been in. Guys won. This year was a bit better.

Yes. Actually had a couch. Correct. That's really what you need. What about the time when we went and did Montreal, the Montreal Fringe Festival, and we got put up in one hotel room. And then you just had to sleep side by side like an old couple. Yeah.

The whole time. Yeah, that was weird. Not ideal. Yeah. Yeah. And then we got back and, like, everyone that's been before that we were talking to was like, that's taking the piss. Why didn't you push back on that?

Yeah. Well, we didn't feel like we had any right to. Yeah. But then everyone was like, definitely if you had have said get us two rooms they would have done it damn god damn it yeah oh well uh okay moving on number three oh the top three tommy the best of 2023 we've got the dross out of the way yeah four and five off. Not even on the dais. No medal, no nothing. Nope. Episode number 666.

Now, these two that have just gone by, I think they were top quality episodes. What's better than those two? Well, I'm about to tell you. Oh, right. That's how this works. Okay. Right. I'll tell you what's better.

Episode number 666. Yes. Go on. I need more detail. With Jen Fricker and the second appearance in the countdown of Gareth Reynolds. Episode number 666. Yes. Go on. I need more detail. With Jen Fricker and the second appearance in the countdown of Gareth Reynolds. Oh. Do you think that the people at the Wattle Office Company, whatever the fuck the shop was.

Wattle Office Supplies. A bit of respect. Do you... For the fine people out there. Wattle Office... Sorry, I put respect on their name. Wattle Office Supplies, bit of respect. Do you... For the fine people out there. Wattle Office, sorry, put respect on their name. Wattle Office Supplies. Oh, I believe it's still going. Do you think they walked in and they saw you, a small little car,

with like a bunch of money and they were like, yeah, the filing cabinet's $800. That's a lot of money, mister. Yeah. Before he walked in, there's a poster saying, For a special boy like you. On sale, only $30. I didn't realise it would cost so much money.

They just see Carl coming, they just rip the on sale sign down. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The most beautiful filing cabinet for the most beautiful boy. Can I have a spare key? Well, a spare key's $200 more. Never mind, I'll just live with it like a locket around my neck forever.

I wish I had invited the people at Waddle Office Supplies to the live show so they could have seen the filing cabinet all grown up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because last time they saw it, when it left the store, it was all empty. That's a good... That's empty. That's a good... That's cool. That's a good ad for Waddle office supplies.

Like, what is it, 20-something years on, it's still going strong? Well, it was until some fucking publican busted it open. Yeah, true. I'm glad it didn't say it

in that condition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, to be fair, it was ruined when you put porno and stuff like that in it. That's when it was really defiled. Actually, if they had it turned up,

I could have maybe tried to partially get money back because if it was so easily opened by just dropping it by a publican, maybe I could get some. The lifetime warranty. I have the next move. Carl, I want you, instead of taking it away from your parents' place, to try to return it. Try to get your money back. yeah that's yeah you've got

to look into the warranty policy of this of this uh honestly it's old file i think it's i would my guess is it's it's it's more than 34 years old yeah yeah go in there like you just bought it and be like yeah it doesn't shut and there was a bunch of stuff in it already? Yeah. Yeah, and weirdly enough... Someone left this mystery tape that I'm sure isn't porn. A bunch of weird letters. Oh, I guess I turned it around. Sir, that might be porn now that I've turned it around. Yeah.

Also, there's a magazine in here that I thought had an adaptation of Jurassic Park, but instead it says Jurassic Bark? Yeah. And all the characters' names are a bit off? Like, what's going on? Yeah, all the content's wrong in here. It's all slightly off.

But whoever he is, he really filed the hell out of it. I'll give him that, but I still owe him my money back. I'd like to bring it back. What are you asking for? The receipt? Where the fuck was I supposed to keep that? What are you talking about? Why would I have kept that?

And where? No, sorry. Check under R, sir. Yeah. Why would I have kept that? And where? No, sorry. Check under R, sir. Yeah. So I have to, man, this is the bad thing. I have to organize a truck to go and get this filing cabinet. I've told my wife and my wife's already like, you're not. Why are you taking, it is garbage.

Yeah, you don't need to get this filing cabinet. You keep acting like this has to be. You keep trying to like lay it out like, so here I am in another logistical nightmare with this garbage. Have you been talking to my wife? This is exactly what my wife is doing. You're a father. You're a father.

You no longer need your comic book porn file cabinet. Guys, come on. This filing cabinet is... It doesn't work. You can just buy a working filing cabinet. It still boils. It still cabinet. It doesn't work. You could just buy a working filing cabinet. It still boils. It still boils.

It's gone. Guys, this filing cabinet's been through a lot. It's stood the test of time. The world's coming to an end. This thing could be like the fridge in the last Indiana Jones. If everything goes to shit, Carl can just stack his whole family in there and avoid the apocalypse. Yeah. There's four drawers, so there's one of us for each drawer.

We could even have another kid and put it in that drawer. Yeah, no, the cat. By the way. Oh, the cat. The fact that there's four drawers is just also insane because I know you said it was big, but four drawers, that's like a principal filing cabinet. Yeah.

And the idea that your parents are probably like, we should just throw this out but let's ask him to be nice and you're like well let me arrange a van I gotta get a truck for it I mean obviously I'll hire some movers

it's like the garbage it is garbage I just remember another part of it that you'd enjoy because it was four it was four drawers right

that had a little like slip where you could write in like what was in each drawer right so there was four levels right but it was nearly 100 mad magazines right it was nearly 100 mad magazines so what the way i filed it was there was a couple of spider-man comics up the top and then a couple of like other random comics down the bottom and that was it for the whole thing so i arranged it

as a to m up the top for amazing spider-man to mad magazine oh yeah and then m and then m again and then m again and that was it so i just said a a to m to like hold three copies of the amazing spider-man plus mad magazines yeah and then a to m m m and m so three three drawers worth of exclusively Mad Magazine. And one drawer. So wait, which drawer had the porn in it? The bottom drawer. Because no one would ever think to look down there. No one would ever think.

Well, they'd open the first three and they'd be like, well, I'm sure there's nothing else to see here. Well, he's definitely not whacking off from this. Yeah, well, it just ends at M. There's no P. So there's definitely not porn in here. Yeah, that's smart. It's a perfect crime. That's from this. Yeah, well, there's no, it just ends at M. There's no P. So, like, there's definitely not porn in here. Yeah, that's smart. It's a perfect crime.

That's really smart. Yeah. I love the idea of you calling up the moving company to book the truck, and you're like, okay, how much is this going to cost? It's a day driving down there. Okay, you need, it's like a three-person job. Now, I am going to have to vet the people that you put on this job, so we're going to need to organise a day where I can sit down and interview them.

We can't just have anybody working on such a delicate case. Do a background check. Exactly. Because I don't know who, because the filing cabinets are locked anymore and I can't trust anyone. People can just open it whenever they want. Yeah. Hey, look.

Now that Al Jaffe's gone, a lot of it is worth a lot of money. It's almost like it's not working anymore and you don't fucking need it anymore. Yeah. I don't know. I was kind of for you moving it until Jen said that, Carl. It sort of does seem like it's just totally useless trash. You've really done a 180 since Jen said that. You're right.

She makes a good point. It's just like something that a big loser would do, moving it into their home where they have a child and a wife. But, no filing cabinets. You should see Carl's place, Gareth. There's just papers

and shit everywhere. Exactly. Comic books all over the floor. You wouldn't know. Porn everywhere. Receipts everywhere. You wouldn't know where Spider-Man was

within all the comic books I have in my house at the moment. You'd have to just go through every one of them. Relative to where the fucking Mad magazines are. I love that.

It was an organizational thing. It's not Mad Magazine, so it's in this. Yeah. It's not North. Yeah, Carl doesn't go by North. He goes by Mad Magazine. Yeah. Everything else is.

Yeah. Did you even have the Mad Magazines organized? Was it in like a chronological order? Yes. Not only were they. Why not put like the order of like just M's? You're just just i'm trying to you got one foot in and one foot out you're just hard to peg down i did see um like that

people like it started to become a time where uh like collectors would you didn't get laid no collectors would have those like hard plastic bags that they would put their comic books in oh yeah and i was like oh yeah i should do that that except in of course in marabou they don't have just like hard plastic bags designed exclusively for comic books so what would happen was i would sneak sandwich bags out of my mum's like drawer and like my mum would always be like why is who's been eating like so many sandwiches there's no sandwich bag in his house anymore. What? Jesus Christ. I'm sorry.

Why couldn't you just get sandwich bags? What was like, why couldn't you tell her that you were putting them in the sandwich? You already had a file cabinet. I don't know. But she's like, gosh, we'll never figure out who's having all these sandwiches.

And you're like... It's the perfect crime because she couldn't open the filing cabinet because it was locked, so she couldn't find any of the sandwich bags. You have hundreds of dollars for file cabinets, but a box of sandwich bags eludes you.

And that's why I couldn't afford the sandwich bags. I was still paying off the fucking filing cabinet. Again, I'm not finding this that weird. I'm booking an extension with my shrink after this. Did you have friends over and would you show them the filing cabinet?

No, he did not have friends over is the answer. I got it. Carl, I'll handle this one. You can think of the next topic. Jen, to answer your question, at no point was anyone who was interested in being around Carl in that room. No point was anyone who was interested in being around Carl in that room. And they've done it again.

Oh. And that was the file cabinet. The file cabinet. That's the second Zoom episode in here. We're going reverse chronological of Gareth's appearances this year. These people love Zoom episodes. Yeah. Let's do them all the time again.

Don't you wonder why we're fucking bothering getting people in the same room and leaving our houses. People hate comedians from Melbourne. We need to talk to more people who don't live here. Yeah. Or in the case of most of these, line this up because we think that the people aren't coming to Melbourne anytime soon.

And then at the end of the call, they're like, Hey, by the way, we haven't announced it yet, but I'll see you guys next month. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's fine. Yep. Uh, we needed an episode then. Yeah. That's okay. Um,

yeah, look, that's a perfect answer to my question. What's better than those ones. That was a great episode. Yeah. But now of course that sets the bar high for the for the for the other two episodes because again i've started again i've reset my thoughts what's better than those episodes in my head very few episodes

maybe only two maybe there's maybe only two episodes that are better than that maybe only two yeah it could be only one oh yeah there could be only one. Oh, yeah. There could be only one. You're right. It's highly likely that there's, in reality, wink, wink, but there's only one. I forgot where I was for a second. Yeah. Sorry. Okay.

What is not getting bronze? What has been too good to get? Whatever the fuck bronze is. Bronze really only exists as a loser's medal and as a not very thought about era in history. Well, you know, they go gold, silver, bronze. Why'd they stop there? You know what I mean? Three does seem like in our heads we go

three is the perfect number but like but why is that it's only in comedy that three is a perfect number in i think it's sport you could have gone just two yeah like the winner and the loser and then the rest of them can get fucked it's like third the the difference in emotion if you got a bronze medal and if you didn't get anything is not that high, I reckon. It's not that high. It is something, but you are going to be very frustrated that you came that close. Yeah.

It's second, I get it. Versus like if you don't get anything, it's like, you know what? This is really disappointing, but I just need to go completely, you know, I just need to really rethink my training and what I'm doing here. Yeah. Because I wasn't really in the ballpark. You know what?

If you check, if you were across the news, the local news from where we are, Melbourne, Melbourne in Australia, we got rid of the Commonwealth Games. It was coming and then they couldn't afford it, so they ditched it. Yep. Here was the answer.

Get rid of the bronze medals. You would have been able to afford it then. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Get rid of all the bronze medals. We afford it. Done. And there then. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Get rid of all the bronze medals. We afford it. Done.

And there's no third place or do they just... I like the idea that they... No, they just replace the material. No. They still have the equivalent of a bronze medal but it's like, you know,

cardboard or something. No, they cut off that third of the dais and they just sell that to something else. They use that to build a bridge or something. No, I've got it.

I've got it. I've got it. Here's what they do. It's an aluminium metal. And then we can be like South Australia where you bring your cans in and you get five cents. Everyone's winning here. Hang on. This is a boom to the economy. Right.

So when you bring in your cans, they're being melted into a metal. Into a metal. Yeah. Okay. So they're not having to spend the money to make the metals. Okay. People in the street are getting five cents for bringing a can in. Yeah. So everyone's happy.

I thought you meant this is a good price from now on. You get third place and you might think that means jack shit, but you're getting like a metal made of cans. So then once you finish third place in the heptathlon, you can then go to Adelaide and get $3 for it. No, no. By cashing it in there. $3?

Wow. Jesus Christ. Last count I had, that was 60 cents a kilo. So like that metal wouldn't be more than five kilos, surely. So that's about $3. Oh, it's in. Yeah, okay. I see what you're saying. Yeah, no, that metal wouldn't be more than five kilos, surely. So that's about $3. Oh, it's in... Yeah, okay. I see what you're saying.

Yeah, no, it probably does equal a fair bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or, you know, you could just go... You just get a can. Yeah. Oh, you just get a can. Third place is just a can of drink.

Oh, that's good. Just a can of drink. That's good. And it's because everyone else is up there on the podium. They're sweating. They're like, they're just... Oh, they're like, oh, my God, I'm dying. I've just done this decathlon. It's the Summer Olympics. It's the Summer Olympics. And you're there slamming a Pashiona. You're up there on the podium. They're sweating. They're like, oh my God, I'm dying. I've just done this decathlon.

It's the Summer Olympics. It's the Summer Olympics. And you're there slamming a Pashiona. You're up there. Being like, you know what? Now that would be good. If the bronze, it's like you've come third,

but the actual thing that you get for winning is better. Because who needs a prize for coming first? You've come first. You're the best. Yes. If you get something that's like actually a better prize for being third, then it's kind of like balancing it out mentally.

Yeah. So in the closest to bronze, it's like, okay, well, you get a Fanta. That's like the closest we could sort of get to bronze. Yeah. So everyone's up there like dying of heat stroke. Yeah. Even the guy with the silver, like the runners up. You didn't even win and you've basically got nothing.

You've got like a little ornament that will come in in no way useful. Yeah. The third guy no longer dies of dehydration. First guy, he's in the history books. He's probably getting some endorsements. He's getting the glory. I came third. I'm getting a Dyson.

Yeah. I don't have one of them. They're like $1,000. Yeah, yeah. That's all right. Yeah. I've been meaning to get one. I just get to go home and I've got it now.

My house needed a clean. Yeah. This is great. Yeah. Okay. I would have still rather won, but this got it now. My house needed a clean. This is great. Yeah. Okay. I would have still rather won, but this has taken a bit of the sting out of me. So that last episode got the Fanta. It got the can of Fanta and the Dyson.

Yeah. Yeah. Great. And then number two, the episode that gets absolutely jack shit. Jack shit. Just didn't win. Gets fuck all. Just didn't win.

Gets nothing. Yeah. Barely worth turning up. Nah. Episode. This episode should have slowed down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it could have got a Fanta. Oh, that would be interesting. Barely worth turning up. Episode. This episode should have slowed down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it could have got a fan.

Oh, that would be interesting. You truly would start to see people. It'd be a race for third. No one wants to come second. People starting to run backwards in the final 100 metres. So the person's crossed the finish line. They've won. And then everyone else has just stopped.

Yeah, yeah. Standing stationary. Going, no, no, you go. You can have second. Trying to push the other one forward. They've won And then everyone else Yeah Is just Has stopped Yeah yeah Standing stationary Going no no you go Trying to push You can have second Trying to push the other one forward Yeah Number two

In your Best of 2023 As voted by you the listener Yes Episode number 687 Sam Payne Dave O'Neill And Tom Beller

Wowzers We go to a chicken shop we won't name it we'll just call it the Rooster Bar in Fairfield Firstly can I just point out that when you do have lunch with Dave

when he says let's have lunch you don't go to like a Cafe Cafe or I was going to say a restaurant you don't even go to a cafe you don't even go to a cafe a cafe or I was going to say a restaurant you don't even go to a cafe you don't even go to a cafe

not even a cafe what's that French? when you invited me to your party dinner I said no no I can only do chicken chops that's what he says which chicken shop

are we going to and then you pick a chicken chop and we go so we've been to a few chicken shops we've had some good fun at those chicken shops we have my favourite time

was when I came in and then a woman recognised Dave. Big fan of mine. Yeah, which was, you know, fucking astonishing. And she had issues because she'd survived an eight-storey fall. But she was walking and talking. Oh, so that's why she's a fan. Brainy.

Yeah, brainy. Yeah, but she was a nice person, but she didn't really know who you were. Yeah, which is fine. And then she came up and she said, Hey, Dave, I can't believe you're here. Dave said, Yeah, I work here. Try the chips. Which, by the way, she absolutely believed that you could possibly work in a chicken shop.

But also, imagine saying to Dave O'Neill in a chicken shop, I can't believe you're here. Yeah, exactly. I remember you sit in booths and there was a guy that kept turning around and he goes, oh my God, Sam Pang, I love that show you're on, I love that show, and you never ever give him the title, do you? No, if you love the show, you should know the name of it. He got stumped, didn't he?

He was like, you know, it's called, and you're like, yeah, what's it called? And what did he say? Oh, you know, he said, you know, that show, you know, What's Happening Now? All right, mate, whatever. What's been happening this week, I think he said. You're obviously a big fan. What's been happening this week? And he kept said. You're obviously a big fan. What's been happening this week? And he kept saying to his wife, her to back,

just turn around, it's Sam from What's Been Happening. She's just eating the chicken going, nah, I'm not turning around, no way. Anyway, we were at the chicken shop. So I was very hungry. And anyway, so I wanted some dimsims I go you go up in order you're the expert

yeah hey I'm just giving you permission I'm fine with the racism fine I'm fine and keep the good ones for you at the back

yeah yeah yeah I know how it works because he's famous because he's famous not because of anything else for you at the back, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how it works. Because he's famous. Because he's famous, not because of anything else. Oh, Mr. Payne! Carl, get the fucking camera out.

Jesus Christ. I'm not on TV anymore. You can't cancel me, mother fucker. Although I might have an audition for What's Happening This Week. What's the hip-hats on the news and that? Mama's cooking can, Tom. Remember that, eh? Mama's cooking can, Tom. Fuck off.

Fuck off. One time I was late and I walked in and Dave yelled up here, Hey, it's Mr. Okimura. What's that a reference to? That's an old... Is that American Express? No. Karate Kid.

That was Mr. Miyagi. Oh, Miyagi, yeah. Mr. Okimura is... Neither of you knows what it is. Here's one, though. This is a real tangent. You know Mr. Miyagi was... Oh, Fuji. The Fuji a real tangent. You know, Mr. Miyagi was, of course...

Oh, Fuji. The Fuji film. Thank you very much. Mr. Miyagi, right, was played by Pat Morita. Pat Morita. And he was also nominated for an Oscar for his role in The Karate Kid. Wow. Yeah, absolutely.

Later played your mum on TV. He went to the party. Yeah, they had a fly problem. We had to catch him. Pat Morita, before he went into acting, right, in the 50s,

was a stand-up. Mr Miyagi was a stand-up comedy. Didn't he have a name? Yes. A stage name. He did. Didn't he have a name?

No, I mean... He had a stage name. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, your comedy for the evening, The Hip Nip. Hell yeah Once again It was a different time back then

Dave would say a better time Anyway Mr Miyagi was a stand up Tom I didn't know that I didn't know that To be both hip And have a slur as a name. The duality of men.

So we're at the chicken shop, right? I keep thinking the story's ended. No, no, no. And so there were school kids, girls in front of you ordering. They've all got brain injuries. Yeah. Sam goes to order and these three private school kids

run in and push in in front of you. I'm like, what the fuck? So I get up and I say to the kids, boys, you're pushing in. This guy was next. And they're like, no, we were with those girls. I'm like, fucking bullshit.

Go to the back of the queue. And then he starts arguing and I get really angry. I go, go to the back of the fucking queue. I'm arguing and I get really angry and I go go to the back of the fucking queue I'm friends with one of Melbourne's top two pedophiles and I'll

I'll set him loose on you if you don't clear off I know I know two the top two of Sandpang sisters so I we go to sit down

I remember you sat down and you go are you alright yeah because just because I'm standing in this line I don't really care that the you know kids are right? I'm like, I don't think so. Yeah, because just because I'm standing in this line, I don't really care that the, you know... Kids are pushed in.

Kids are pushed in. I'm going to get your Tim Sims for you. It's okay, mate. Meanwhile, you know, he gets up from the booth. And I never get angry, ever. Well, and you never get up. And so... You know what it takes for you to leave a booth?

Love a booth. You can't get on a cruise ship if you don't get up. He gets up and all of a sudden I find myself in this quite surreal moment where I'm standing at the counter. Fuck, we need the karate kid. We need Pat Morita right now. There is a fly. Someone get me a pair of chopsticks.

I'll fucking sort that out. And then Dave O'Neill is on my left shouting at children. School kids. Yeah, school kids. I have 15 at least. Whatever. I'm just going,

this is just not worth it. So yes, I get back to the booth and go, mate, are you alright? I've actually never seen you so upset. Yeah, I was hungry. And they got the last dim sims, those little shit. Don't worry, they weren't the good ones. We thought nothing of it and just whatever.

And we had our lunch and then about half an hour later, Sam rings me and goes, my manager just called. I'll read out the message from a distressed mother. Wow. Who said, excuse me, we need to find out who was the overweight comedian

with Sam Pang who verbally abused my child in the chicken shop. And why did I say, you don't fucking dob me in, all right? As far as we're concerned, Shane Jacobson was having...

Demi's with, who did you want to be? You wanted to be... I was going to be Hung Lee. Yeah, Hung Lee. But anyway... Shane Jacobson and the hipnip. We're hanging out. So, obviously...

The woman, the mother worked it out because she went through overweight comedians and went... Oh, really? Yeah, she said... I'm going to Google overweight comedians. Well, Melbourne, so Peter Halley would come up and... Jesus Christ! Sorry, Pete.

Well, they're all going under the bus, not that they can fit. When I rang Dave, he was so disappointed that the bus, not that they can fit. When I rang Dave, he was so disappointed that the kid didn't recognise, didn't know who you were. So anyway, then my manager texts me, have you been abusing teenage boys in a chicken shop? So let's rephrase that. This is what you dream your days are going to be like when you get into comedy management.

Oh my God, I just googled overweight comedians Melbourne. Top three results, Dave O'Neill. Ten kilos. Mate, you've lost ten kilos. It's all fat though. Anyway, so what happened, like the woman I spoke to the mother of the

child. Yes, you said to me, don't worry about it, I'll take care of it. That. Yes you said to me don't worry about it I'll take care of it. That's what you said because I said well I didn't do anything I just stood in line. Well not according to the mother the mother of the child I don't know she was really upset and so I don't know. Just before you did the phone call did you have something to eat Dave?

Yes Anyway she's like yeah and she's like my son was really upset and I'm really upset and I've got a statement from the manager and I've got the CCT footage. Fantastic. What of you yelling at my child at the chicken shop?

Really? Yeah, and she goes, and your behaviour was terrible. I tell you what, almost worse was the way Sam Pang just stood there and laughed uproariously. They're the words she used. That's like the final episode of Seinfeld, isn't it? Yes! This would make a great new Snickers ad.

You're not yourself when you're hungry. O'Neill on CCTV just abusing a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he has his mask on and he's light at 10 kilos and on a cruise ship so and I lost them as fans

yeah she said he's telling me he's lost two fans here oh really and the dad in the background goes I still like him so so he

just to clarify this man had to ring a mother a mother and then did you ring the kid as well to apologise yeah well that's

well so that was during the day and she goes can you do me a favour at 5pm did you ring the kid as well to apologise? Yeah, well, that was during the day. And she goes, can you do me a favour? At 5pm, can you ring my son to apologise to him? So I'm sitting around with my teenagers for dinner, and I'm like, sorry, go over there. I'm going to go and make a phone call. I've got to ring and apologise to a fucking child. I've got the phone number of a child right here. I've got to ring him up. I've got the phone number of a child right here.

I've got to ring him up. I've got to go say sorry for something I did. Excuse me. I simply must call a teenage boy. Hello, Pops. Hey, Pops. He was a... He was a not...

Anyway, he was just... He was scared by a big fat man yelling at him, and he said, I still love big fat man yelling at him and he he said I still love Sam say hello to him and stuff he was at my birthday

anyway how do you apologise to a child because you know he he was sort of embarrassed

you know I've got a son that age he's just like oh hey girl I said sorry for yelling he goes

yeah I shit myself and I just say sorry man I was really angry and hungry oh sorry for yelling he goes yeah I shit myself and I just say sorry man I was really angry and hungry and all that and he goes yeah that's alright so do you hang out

with Sam Pang much and all that and I'm like I just had a chat to him and that was it what's Ed Cavill he really like did he admit

any wrong doing was it his to play story that he was with the other girls and stuff yeah no see there was no no use going into the kind of facts, you know what I mean?

But in a court of law, you would be successful. I hope so. It was a little bit surprising that that chicken shop would so willfully give up their CCTV footage to such a loyal patron with you, by the way. Fuck exactly. I haven't been back since. Fuck them.

Yeah, yeah. Really? You've really done your dirty here. That's pretty unfair. Yeah, he hasn't been back and that shop has gone under by the way. That's, uh... Yeah, how do you think they afforded the cameras

in the first place? Especially one with such a wide-angle lens. It's a good chicken, angle lens It's good chicken too It's disappointing The camera adds 100 pounds Oh yes Maybe I should have Saved the anecdote

Of what the tech said to me afterwards For this bit Yeah Who could have predicted That this really popular and great episode Would have been higher up in the countdown? Who knows?

These listeners are fucking idiots, Tommy. What do I know? And second appearance in the countdown from Tom Ballard. Oh. Yeah, so the tech... Are you just going to tell it again?

No, yeah. Funny story about this episode. So I had to say three times to the tech That I'm not gay And then he's like Okay And then because you'd said it three times Liberace appeared

Yes And then He then teched a different live podcast in there At Basement Comedy Club And so when he invoiced for this show Yep He invoiced for Tofop because he just thinks podcasts are called Tofop now.

Interesting. I mean, there's an argument to be made that they should be called that because the name podcast is such a stupid name. It's off the back of the iPod, which no one uses anymore. No one's listening to these back of the iPod, which no one uses anymore. Yes. No one's listening to these things on an iPod. It's such a, it's always been such a weirdly embarrassing name. Yes.

So if they were just called Tofops. Wow. Yeah. That's better. It's. Slightly. It's no more embarrassing than something called the Little Dumb Dumb Club. That's for sure. The Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast.

Yes. So he, so he, he then, he just thinks all podcasts are called Tofop now. Then he, the tech said, oh, there was another night, like the next week again. Yep. He was like, oh, have you got another podcast? I said, oh, you said you're unavailable. I couldn't, I don't have any work for you. He's like, can I just come in anyway and like watch this show or whatever?

And I was like, all right, okay. just come in anyway and like watch this show or whatever and i was like all right okay and so he comes in and just watches normal stand-up and goes oh this is weird i'm like yeah it's just not a podcast yeah it's like oh okay and he's trying to get in the mix he's like you're gay yeah when is when is dave hughes gonna say he's gay yeah Yeah. What's happening here? Yeah. This is different. This is a weird toe-fop. Yeah. Yeah. They're really holding back. Yeah, yeah.

They're all these great guests. Why are they only getting up one at a time? Yeah. Why aren't they all riffing? Yeah. What are they talking about, like, igloos for? Yeah, it's weird. Yeah.

Well, great ep. Was a great ep. Hot ep in the room. Hot live show. Great advertisement to come along and see um live shows in 2024 there's heaps of them if you live in uh melbourne yep or adelaide yep or southeast asia guys get along we've got plenty of live episodes coming up in 2024 check our website go to our website um check the live live shows link uh we're on the socials we're talking about that sort of jazz all the time on that we'd love to see you there the people in the

room had a had a great time and quite often uh you'll see some some racy stuff that we have to cut out well and in the case of this episode that people just heard you came along and you got you were a good chance of getting some free artwork oh yes yeah yep so you hear some some racy names get called out on time enough to be edited out and stuff like that so uh that was uh yeah look the last one we did in perth we did a whole chunk at the end we did a yeah and off the record a bit a bunch of off the record sort of stuff so um yeah Definitely worth coming in. And there's no comedy like live comedy. That's true.

But, hey, look. That episode, pretty good. People liked it. People voted for it as their number two of the year. They nearly voted for it the most out of everyone. Yeah. Nearly. Nearly.

Yes. But, of course. Yes. No surprises here. Yes. We know what this is going to be. Well, it's obvious. I'm surprised we even did this.

It's the same every year. I'm surprised we even did the vote this year. Yeah. It's, yeah, you couldn't get on it on Sportsbet. No. You were pointing on a dollar and you were getting 99 cents back. Yep. I lost a lot of money backing this winner.

Right. Yeah, it was crazy. Yeah. I don't know why i kept betting on it but um you know it's a democracy you have to have the vote yep and this is what happened yeah well here we go folks you voted for it overwhelmingly a landslide victory for your number one episode of 2023. Wow, Carl, it's been a hell of an episode so far. As we get into hour six, I'm really starting to feel an eighth wind here, and I'm really feeling good about our chances. So many guests on this episode.

This is crazy. People just keep weirdly turning up to my house. Like, we thought we were done, and there keeps being a fresh knock on the door. We really should wrap this up soon. Yeah, yeah. Hang on. Come on in. Take a mic. It's just there.

Oh, geez, it's you two. It's Hugh. What a coup. I forgot Hugh's my landlord. I forgot I had a rental inspection scheduled for today. Sorry. Thanks for filling one of my 87 apartments. That's great, Tommy. If you keep bringing Carl here, you're not going to get your bond back.

This is great. We've finally got Dave Hughes on the podcast. It's great to finally talk to him. Do you know Hughes? Yeah, we know Hughes. Yeah, we know Hughes. I brought him. Wow.

Well, you seem a bit upset or a bit weird. Is everything Rick with you, Hughes? What's going on? No, I'm angry. Oh, you're angry. I'm angry. You, you're angry. I'm always angry. You don't sound angry.

You sound like really pumped up. Well, I am. You're a great pod. Thank you. Thank you. I've been waiting all my life to hear you say that. Never forget that. Great stuff, Tommy.

Sorry, I didn't get the chance to clean up before you came around. I'm not furious. Look at this place. I hope this is up to your high standards. It's bad feng shui. Feng shui. Yeah, I'm right into it now. I'm doing cold plunges. Feng shui.

Oh, yeah. You are doing cold plunges. I am. Look at my complexion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fantastic. How's everything going on the Masked Singer this year? Oh, man, it's pretty bad.

It's bad. People take off their masks. My next question is, who the fuck is that? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's classic Yuzi. I mean, there'd be people who wouldn't even recognise him. You two should go on. Yeah, that'd be...

Wow, he's got us there. That's classic Yuzi. They would. You take your masks off, people. Who the fuck are these people? You're so mean, Yuzi. Gee whiz. Am I doing too many swearsies?

Yuzi, you're doing your show, Next Comedy Festival, at the Baseline Comedy Club. How do you feel about having to – Oh, yeah. I'm your landlord. Having Carl Chandler as your venue manager every night. I'm your landlord. I'm going to fuck that place up.

Yeah, yeah. I don't want my bun back. Yeah. It's going to be a long month. Chando needs his yield. Well, there's two Huseys now. Well, thanks for coming in, Husey. Really appreciate it. Oh, God, it's great. Sorry, Holly's two Yuzis now. Well, thanks for coming in, Yuzi. Really appreciate it.

Oh, God, it's great. Sorry, Holly's out the front. Can't say her name. Don't say her name. Don't say her name. Feel free to hang around, but we've just had another guest walk in. Yeah, yeah, wow. Who's this?

Who's coming now? Ha-ha! Oh, wow. Thank God you're here. Fantastic. Shane Bourne. How's it going, guys? Bourne.

Bourne's here. I've been wondering what's been going on, Bourne, because thank God you're here is back Bourne How's it going guys? Bourne I've been wondering What's been going on Because thank God You're here He's back But you're not the host What's happened? Unfortunately

Celia Pakola Great talent But she took the job So the Bourne man He's looking for some work How do you feel about How do you feel about that? About being

Being ousted Yeah About being About being shown out The blue door Don't let the blue door. Don't let the blue door hit you on the arse on the way out. Sorry, I'm just trying to... It's hard because I was almost going to react

the same way the last guy did. I've got to snap into guarantee. You don't even know his name. That's great. Welcome to Thank God You're Gone. Yeah, they took you from that show. They took you out the back and shot you almost like there'd been a homicide in the city.

I wonder if there could be a show like that. Oh, Hit It City Homicide. I remember it well. Channel 7, great stuff, guys. Yeah, yeah. You're being put into a new situation. Oh, thank God you're here now. Imagine being unemployed.

Yeah. Imagine being put out to pasture, Shane. How do you think that would work? Yeah, thank God I'm at Centrelink. We need to find a new show for you to host. Maybe you could replace Abby Chatfield as the host of Fuckboy Island. Oh, yeah. That'd be good.

Oh, jeez, that'd be great. Thank God you've got chlamydia. What do you think of Abby Chatfield, Shane? Abby sounds great. She's a real piece of talent. I mean, talk about the great Australia joke. How did she get a career? Hell yeah.

Shots fired by the born man. The born man's going off. I think I'm sounding like the born man via Lawrence Mooney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also does do a... This is actually a very confusing born man via Laurence Mooney. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He also does do a... This is actually a very confusing born identity, I have to say. You're telling me. This is harder to take in.

Yeah, yeah. Yusy, what do you think? I mean, you're still on the couch, Yusy. What do you think about this? This is a lot. Holly should have picked me up by now. Yeah, she's running a bit late. It's hard to change gears, I can tell you that much.

Yeah, Holly's changing gears in the car, you mean. Yeah, yeah, great. Do you know that vein on your temple is really pumping at the moment you're using it? Bonnie, do you ever think about getting back into doing stand-up? We'd love to see you trading the boards again. That's a good question. Oh, a couple of jokes you're making. Yeah.

A bit of observational stuff. Yeah, yeah. What are the kids doing these days? I get up, should I say my pronouns? How should I? What kind of gear should I do? You'd have to be doing crowd work on TikTok, I guess, if you would make a comeback.

I heard a good one the other day. What a friend of the show, Limo, thought if he used a pronoun he'd become theymo. What about that? That's some good gear for you. Theymo? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Borno. There's some good gear for you. Same-o. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Born-o. So Shane Bourne, his new opener is him doing material about Limo-y pronouns. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Right.

You've got to start somewhere. So we just had Hughie. Now we've got Shane Bourne peeing Limo. Yeah, yes. What a chain of command. Yeah. Well, hang on. Fantastic.

Oh, no. Wow, someone else at the door. Who could this be? Is this an international guest? Is this what was happening? I think so. Yeah. Dummy Carl.

So good to be on the podcast. Yep. Love the party, but you two are losers. Oh, my God. I can't believe we build this wall in Melbourne or Singapore. Now we're talking about another insane person who lives in America, Tommy. You've got confused. That's right.

I'd say ex-president, but still president. Donald Trump. This might be the first president of the United States we've ever had on this show. I think so. I think this might be the first one. Yeah, I'd have to look it up. It's been 13 years. It's been 13 years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's true. It's good to be here with a man as old as Slippy Joe and a little lesbian. Good to be here. Oh, this is part of your press junket to get voted in. Yeah. We do have American listeners. Okay.

All right. So this is like, why should they vote for you? Why should they vote? Why should they vote for you in the presidential election in 2024? Because I'm willing to go on this leisure's podcast. Oh, yeah, that's good. Talk to you too. If I talk to you too, I'll talk to anyone.

Yeah, that's good. If I can look after low scum like you, I'll look after anyone. Well, you notoriously love the ill-educated. That's us. That's our listeners. You love the neckbeards. You love the sexual predators. You love all the worst of society.

In a second, I'm still here. Yeah, when I saw the storming of the Capitol on January 6th, you know what I thought to myself? This looks a lot like the Koh Samui International Podcast. It was frightening. I was looking. From my vantage point I was like

Exactly the same Yeah Talking the same rubbish Doing the same crap Yeah Oh well They looked like That old B. Meland

Yeah They were off their faces I don't drink But if I did I'd be amazing at it Wow this is What an amazing Yeah I mean

And also Who's this Nick Capper's here as well Oh Yes It's me Nick Capper's here as well. Oh, it's me. There we go. Nick Capper. There we go. Wow, Mr. Trump.

What an honour. You must have voted for me. By the looks of things, you're exactly in my wheelhouse. Well, I would have thought, Mr. Trump, you thought that the election results smelled about as bad as this new guest that we've just walked in. There is a pong. There is a pong. Yeah.

There is a smell. I will concede. It's tough to take. It is tough. Oh, you're finally conceding something. That's good. That's good. Well, I mean, I don't usually, but if I did, I'd concede this.

Yeah, well. I mean, I'm covered in fake tan. There is a reek about me that is disgusting. But you, my friend, it is next level. You've heard of Sleepy Joe. He is Stinky Nick. Better than the stuff I normally say on stage.

What an episode. This is truly the number one episode. Thanks, Mr. President. I have to get back to my presidential campaign. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, you've got to go. I guess we've got to get back on with making comedy great again. Yes.

MCGA. MCGA. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Let's run on that campaign. Well, there you have it. Number one. Oh, they've done it again.

They've done it again. Yeah, quite rightly. Number one. I mean,'ve done it again. They've done it again. Yeah, quite rightly. Number one. I mean, the star power in that episode alone. It's crazy. It would be disappointing to have names that big like Nick Capa. Wow. And not get to number one.

At the very least, I think we're officially the only podcast that's ever had Dave Hughes, Shane Bourne and Donald Trump in the same room. Maybe that's why people voted for us. Yeah, thank you for rewarding us to get such a diverse ensemble in one episode. And as people have heard, not even over Zoom, all in the one room. That was a lot. We had to do a lot of juggling to get that to happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And hey, sorry to just change the topic, but shout out to Dave Thorne. Yes. Just a friend of ours. Yeah, that's weird. I saw him on social media Before we started recording So he's just At the front of mind

Yes exactly He's doing a tour In 2024 Nothing's impossible That's it Full hour of classic Not classic Thorne Brand new Thorne

But it's also classic gear Yeah All the capital cities Yeah I mean If you can't reward The people who were on that episode, if you don't go to Donald Trump's new solo show next year, go to Dave Thornton instead because he's a great friend of the show.

Yeah. You might want to reward Donald Trump for being on the pod, and Jan 6 is just around the corner. But if you're busy that day, instead what you can do is buy tickets to see Dave Thornton on tour. That's it. I mean, I wish we had time to fit him on that episode. Yeah, yeah.

Better luck next year, Thornton. Yeah, good luck. I don't know how this is going to work, but I've got a feeling that this is going to top the vote in 2024 as well. Oh, really? Yeah. How does that even work? I don't know.

I can't wait to find out. I think it'll be like a scary novel where it's like I come in a year's time and I do up the voting form for 2024. And it's like this episode's not even on the list, but when I download the results, it's number one. What? How did this happen? This episode crawls out of the well with hair over its face

and just crawls up to the number one position on the dais. This is a haunted episode. Yeah. Wow. Well, look, well-deserved. I mean, it's as fresh today as it was when it came out. Well, and a lot of these episodes were recorded after we did this one. And it is gratifying to see a lot of them end up on the countdown

because after we did this one, we were saying to each other, should we take the rest of the year off? Should we even bother? Should we even bother doing any more episodes? What's the point? So to see the ones that we did do after this still be popular, it does show that it was worth it because for us it did feel like, well, there's no point in.

All the other episodes, you did mention the number of the episode. You didn't mention the number of the episode. Oh, did I? No, no, no. 69, 69. Okay, that's good. Thank you. Now I can look it up properly.

And here are all the bits that didn't make that little snippet there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the actual episode is eight hours long. Right. So definitely go back. Use this as a jumping off point.

Right, right, right. Especially if, like we said before, if you're someone who's listening to this for the first time and you've been sent this by a friend. And you, I mean, you clipped together the worst bit of the episode just then. Yeah. So every bit apart from that is better.

Well, you want, you know, you want people to want to go back and hear the full thing. Yeah. There's no point putting the best part in here. Yeah. That'd be stupid. I think it would be smart, but whatever. It's not called the best of 22. Oh.

Well, that's it, folks. Another year in the books. Thank you very much for voting. If you did, statistically, looking at how many people voted, you probably didn't. The odds are pretty high that you did not vote. But, hey, I hope you enjoyed listening back. And if you get on to Patreon, we have bonus episodes that we put out every week,

bonus mini episodes often with special guests. And this week's ones, we are going to be going through the 10 to 6. Yes. So you can hear some other little clips in there as well. Yeah, that's great. That's great. You get to find out what didn't make the top five,

what gets even worse, even less than a Fanta. Yep. Yep. So check that out. Get on the Patreon. That is coming out this week. Live shows all throughout 2024. Get on basically like the,

this comes out around Boxing Day or something like that. Get on all the sales of, I don't know. We've got shows coming out They're not going on any There's no discounts or anything But while you're buying stuff, just buy this stuff It's also after Boxing Day Okay, well whatever

I don't really care, whatever It's Boxing Boxing Day Yeah, that's fine That's something That'll be something at some point They could be listening to this in a year's time Yeah, yeah On the real Boxing Day.

Well, we got Black Friday and then we got a Cyber Monday sale. So why not have a day after Boxing Day sale? There's Black Friday. There's Black History Month. Man, that's like... Oh, there's sales on the day. They get a lot. Jesus Christ.

Wow. Wow. Good thing people can't vote for this. All right, guys. Thank you for listening. Thank you for voting. Hope you enjoyed this best of 2023 countdown. And we will see you in the new year.

Oh, have a happy new year. Yeah. See you, mates. See you, mates.