The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 693 - Josh Earl & Danny McGinlay

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

This week we're joined by JOSH EARL and DANNY MCGINLAY! McGinlay's been recognised in an unlikely location, Tommy's tent has been defiled at a music festival, Karl's list of most hated comedians from seven years ago needs updating, PLUS there's a very, very particular reason why we've gathered these two specific guests together. Can you solve the mystery before we reveal it on air? ;) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Josh Earle and Danny McGinlay. If you like the sound of what you hear in this episode, you can come and see us live in one of many places, including Carl Adelaide. Yes, February 24. Melbourne. There's four of them. Saturday afternoons, 30th of March, 6th of April, 13th of April, 20th of April. 20th of April. Yes. And then there 20th of April. 20th of April. Yes. And then there's, of course, Koh Samui. Koh Samui. I hope I'm saying that correctly.

Koh Samui. Koh Samui. Koh Samui. June 9 until 14. You can come and stay on the beach and watch us do comedy every single night of the week that you're there. That's going very quickly. Yeah, so get into that.

We'll talk about it a bit more later in the show. Yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com for all of that information. But until then, enjoy this new episode with guests Josh Earle and Danny McGinley. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler and with me as always, the other half of the program, it's Carl Chandler. Oh, g'day Dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests.

Yes. Please welcome, it's Josh Earl and Danny McGill. Are we still very special? That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Incredibly special. And we're making another announcement about Coastal Millions National Podcast Festival. Oh, yes.

I don't know if you've been listening. You are officially not invited to the festival. So every week we're just going to rule people out from here on in. Well, actually, the last time Josh and I were on this show... I was doing this on the drive here too. Well, do you remember what episode that was, boys? Well, I organised this. It was the Christmas episode of 2016.

How can we forget? And first of all, back then they bought us beers. I listened to it on the way here. Did you really? Yeah, because there was a big announcement on that show, which was... I'm gay. Well, because you was a big announcement on that show, which was... I'm gay. Well, because you could finally get married. It was you announcing that you actually proposed.

Yeah, right. You know, sort of continuing a long storyline. So, Tommy, what have you got for us? Well, I booked you two for this episode to tell you that I got engaged. Is this real? Yeah. Holy shit, is this real? You guys are the engagement boys.

Way to fucking run this parade, Danny. He was going to do half hour. Who's going to answer that? I really thought I can do it. There's no way any of these fuckheads will remember this. I'll sit on this. We'll have a good little 15, 20 minutes, and then I'll just wheel this one out.

You know what's great about that is he hit me up to say, I've booked Josh and Danny on the pod this weekend. Not the most exciting line-up of all time, but I've got something special for it. I thought it was going to be Carl's announcing his divorce. That's what I thought. That's way more likely than that one. That's a fucking surprise.

Congratulations, Tommy. surprise Congratulations Tommy Thank you Thank you Wow Yeah So my first marriage I'm really excited Well Carl did his in Singapore Yeah

And I remember Because I remember We were in a We were in a little Private message group Where Carl While he was in Singapore Was doing a list

Of people he hated In comedy Wow So he was Like the yin and the yang He was like This is the most Happiest time of my life was doing a list of people he hated in comedy. Wow. So he was like the yin and the yang. He was like, this is the most happiest time of my life. I've proposed to my beautiful wife and now here's some cunts I hate. And I want to know what your thoughts are. Were you writing that list while you were waiting for her to give you an answer?

I was on bend and knee. Laptop balanced on one knee. Working on number 16. Oh, fuck. Tommy, I'm sure your story's interesting. Carl, how many of those lists can you reveal to the listeners now, like eight years on? I remember the number one.

Do you? Yeah. He put himself as number one. That's right. It was such an anticlimax. No, no, there was a split. I think it was equal four or something. What was the middle of the Venn diagram

of people that were on the cunts I hate list while I'm on this trip about to propose to my wife that were then also on the didn't get me a present list from the wedding? What's the middle of that Venn diagram? I know this. He names me. It turns out he doesn't hate me at all.

I don't think anyone was... Until you called me a cunt on stage at the Sydney Opera House no there was none of them there was none of them by the way this is very comedy it's like

fuck this is way more interesting than Tommy getting engaged I know it's great I would expect nothing less no was that

on the same trip maybe I guess it was yeah it was it absolutely was because we got engaged in Singapore isn't it great about what we all remember about that absolutely was Because we got engaged We got engaged in Singapore Isn't it great about What we all remember

About that special day Where we found out Carl was engaged Because we The Marina Bay Sand Hotel Yes The up top hotel Exactly

Up high hotel That's a lot Yeah and so that was in She went off to Qatar And then I went off To Koh Samui for a couple of days And it rained the entire time Thus

That's why I was sitting In pubs drunkenly ranking the people I liked the least in comedy. And I remember I was doing five at a time and doing like a big blurb about them

and all you guys back home it's like, I know it's funny, you're all going, look at this cunt spending his time fucking like this. He's on his engagement trip and he's right.

But anyway, when's the new update? What is number 13? When's that coming down? Hey, whatever. It's your holiday. However you want to spend it. You're the one spending the money. Well, actually, and's the new update? What is number 13? When's that coming down? Hey, whatever. It's your holiday. However you want to spend it. You're the one spending the money.

Well, actually, and in the past episode that I just listened to, you didn't want to reveal that Don't Say Her Name was going to Qatar. It was a big secret which country she was going to. Did you have to get proposed to her just so she was allowed to work because she had a husband? No, no. I think I was... The sheik of comedy,

Carl Chandler. Yeah, well, she doesn't have that job anymore so it doesn't matter. I think I was just shy of saying where she worked. That's all. The statute of limitations

is up on this content. You're allowed to reveal So tell us who you hate in comedy. Yeah, no, I can't do that. How many of them are still doing comedy? What, do you think that this list

blackballed some people and they can't do it anymore? No, I just think you targeted open micers. No, no, no. Yeah, the list is like the ring people and they can't do it anymore? No, I just think you targeted open micers. No, no, no. Yeah, the list is like the ring if you get named on it. That's it. Your career is dead.

It's the flight logs from Epstein. Stephen Hawking was on this. He's not very funny. You've got to give him that. Stephen Hawking does suck at comedy. He just does that funny voice. I booked him for basement. He couldn't get down the stairs. I'm like, fuck you. You're on does suck at comedy. He just does that funny voice and that's all he's got. I booked him for basement and he couldn't get down the stairs. I'm like,

fuck you. You're on the list. Hack. Let's hear you without the little robot. See how funny you are. How about a brief history of turning up on time, can't we? It's good for a triloquist though. Anyway. That was it. Where did it happen? Now I'm engaged

And I'm going to do an episode That means that we never work again What a way to start out my married life Yeah I don't have a career anymore But I got a wife Yeah exactly Yeah Where

So I did the Marina Bay Sands Up High Hotel Where was it for you? I did The beach Down at Y River In Victoria Lovely Just outside of Lorne The Marina Bay Sands Of country Victoria And did you Have a ring? I did the beach down at Wye River in Victoria.

Lovely. Just outside of Lorne. The marina-based sands of country Victoria. And did you have a ring? Yep. Was it all planned? Yep. Did you, not that you asked, but did you let her family know you were going to do this? I did not.

I really liked the idea of just doing it and then everyone finds out and it's a bit of like, you get that nice moment. Yeah. You know, you get to call people and get the excitement you get that nice moment of saying it and then your friends going remember when you did it and saying yeah you you were a ton yeah and then you make some jokes about steven hawking and uh yeah yeah it's the nice it's the moment that you want did you did you 100 do it for that or did you also go i don't really want to say this to the parents

because it's a little bit weird or it's a bit antiquated or it's a bit whatever? Oh, look, yeah. I got the impression that she is not someone who's like, her family's not traditional in that way. If I had have gotten a sense that it would have been an issue, then I would have done it. I was with a girl once for like a number of years

where we were talking about this kind of stuff once and then she was like, if we are ever going to get married and you ask my dad, I will fucking bash you. I would legit say no to someone wanting to marry me

and thinking like, oh, I have to ask the father's permission. That honestly would be a red flag to me and I'd be out of there and I was like, okay, Julie Knowles.

That applies to every woman I've decided. Also, I guess we should ask, who is the lucky girl? Hmm, Mrs. Comedy. But she's already married. Oh, fuck. Which of your names will she take? Well, here's the funny thing. I heard her on the phone to her...

So her family is all from Perth and she called up her nan and her nan happened to be at like a family thing. And so the phone is just getting like passed around to like everyone who's there. And just, you know, heaps of these uncles and stuff that like I've, you know, have never met me. So you just kind of hear them being like, yeah, that's great. Like not, not really giving too much of a fuck. And then she gets on the phone to her cousin who's in her 20s,

who I do know, and was like, I just immediately hear her go, yep, he's made an honest woman out of me. And then a pause and she's like, no, I think I'll keep my name because, you know, Dasolo's not his real name. We're really getting into the nitty gritty on this phone call all of a sudden. Fuck, getting my spot call all of a sudden. Fuck. Getting my spot blown all the way up. So is this what the whole trip?

Are you going to go via Vietnam on the way back and get another suit for the wedding? Is this what's going to happen? Yeah, that's not a bad idea. On the way home from Koh Samui, yeah. Yeah. Maybe a cherry-coloured suit this time. Oh, for what's going to be busted on the honeymoon. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

My anus. Tommy's going to finally have on the honeymoon. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My anus. Tommy's going to finally have sex. I'm so excited for him. This is great. I'm so glad she's out of the house for this one. Oh, she's left you already. Wow. Oh, God.

She'll be back. Carl and Josh, did either of you ask permission or give a statement of intent to the father of your wife? I did, but only because the ring that I wanted to propose with, it was her grandmother's ring. You're a tight ass. Well, we talked about it and Bex said, if I ever get married, I would like that ring.

And so her grandmother left it to her brother who's gay, so he didn't need a woman's ring. And so, hang on. What? Gay people famously do not like... Jewell's rings well he was able to get proposed to a woman is what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah sure yeah and then um and then so i was like well it's not gonna get you so beckon use it so i around i said look this is the idea but it was that weird thing where I'm not asking permission. I'm letting you know that this is what I'm going to do.

But can I have the ring? Oh, putting your foot in. Yeah, because Beck was going over to Perth, and then they did this whole thing where they pretended they had a gift for me, and she had to give it to me as soon as possible. Oh, sure, sure. Which she forgot about because she had a shit flight and then didn't unpack her bags for two days.

So I'm kind of going, anything in the bag for me? Like, mum and dad leave anything for me? She goes, what? Yeah, and so then I had to sneak into the bag and get the ring. Yeah, I just, the whole way I just thought like, no, you just, I mean, obviously that's different if you've got to like get the ring. But like I just went, I thought about maybe giving her mum a heads up but then I went, no, just leave it and do the phone call after.

That's way more, I would think if you were on the other side of that. That's way more exciting than just being like, hey, just letting you know I'm going to do this. That's letting you know what's in the box under the tree on Christmas Eve. How long did you know that you were going to propose?

For a little while. Had you told anyone? I told... Your girlfriend? Yeah, I'm going to do this. What about your other girlfriend? I had told a friend just to get a bit of like guidance on it. And then the... Like a couple of days before,

I just knew I was going to do it on this trip. I just really liked the idea of like kicking off the year with it, like doing it. So it was last weekend, January 6th. Oh, what a day. It was Christmas. The spiritual day of white people everywhere.

Coming together. Yeah. As Tom Ballard said when I told him, you stormed the capital of her heart. You put the erection into insurrection. I put the big water buffalo hat on and said yeah you uh will you take a shit on nancy pelosi's desk with me for the rest of our lives your commitment to being a jamiroquai fan is i know it's the closest i could get to doing it at a jamiroquai concert is but you guys would have had this surely right like

once you know that you're going to do it everything on thatamiroquai concert is, but you guys would have had this surely, right? Like once you know that you're going to do it, everything on that day in the lead up just has like so much more significance. Like everything becomes like just,

so we're driving up to Wai River and my girlfriend's sitting there and she's got her shoes off in the car and she's like, I've got this big blister

on my foot and I just really want to pop it and I was like, well unfortunately for you, I am going to remember this comment for the rest of my life.

And then for some weird reason we started talking talking about music festivals that we'd been to when we were younger and Australian bands that had their moment and you don't hear all that much from anymore. And she was talking about Little Birdie, that band. And she was saying she saw Little Birdie on two separate occasions where someone proposed in the crowd. And I was like, God, imagine fucking proposing at a Little Birdie concert. And she was like, I actually think it's really, really romantic. And I'm like, oh, I'm fucked here. Get Katie Steele on the phone. I wonder if we could go to the pub and get them to play some,

I don't know, Kate Miller Heidke or something. Just the next best thing. I saw a couple of weeks ago, I was watching the Big Bash cricket because there's nothing else on. And it was the two Melbourne teams, you know, Stars and Renegades. And they crossed to a guy in the crowd, like the reporter.

And he's going, oh, the great thing about Big Bash cricket brings people together. I mean, there's a couple here. He's a Stars fan. She's a Renegade fan. I mean, what's that? And then he proposed.

And it was clearly a big stage thing and she had no idea. And he proposed. And he's going, and he's a stars fan she's a renegade fan i mean what's that and then he proposed and it was clearly a big stage thing and she had no idea he proposed and he's going here and he's going what oh who would it get but then the guy started bowling they had to cut back to the sport so you didn't get to see what the answer was yeah they cut back and she said yes but okay not well time to the big bash i'm a sports fan and i don't give a fuck about that sport, but that is not a story for the grandkids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wonder how often a proposal at sport is happening.

How did you go afterwards in terms of like, so are you on the beach, you're by yourself, is there anyone else around? So, okay, so yeah, we're driving down and... Where did you hide the ring? That was a tough thing for me. Well, this was even harder, right,, we're driving down and... Where did you hide the ring? That was a tough thing for me. Well, this was even harder, right? Because we were camping.

So even just like logistically getting it all together. So my plan was we got there, we set up, we went up to the pub for a drink and then let's go down and have a drink on the beach as the sun's setting. What drink, Jeff? And so... Pardon?

What drink did you have? LA ice. Only the finest for my wife. Well, a bit of Dutch courage. How many my wives have you been saying the last week? Actually, that was my first. I've been saving myself for you guys. I'm glad we recorded it.

My wife specifically said on our wedding day, you cannot say my wife and you cannot say, do you remember the League of Gentlemen? You're my wife now. I don't, but she's a smart woman. I'll wait until the next day. So what accents did you do in your best man speech? No, no.

Groom speech, I'm sorry. Fuck that up. She's Ukrainian. It was all in Soviet Russia. Wife, man, he's you. Fuck yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah, so we went, so yeah, we, yeah, just having to like get everything together

when it's just all our stuff is just in the car. That's right. So there's no, we're not in a house, so there's no like separate room I can go to and get the ring out of my bag and like. So it was the ring in the box, because that's the hard thing. The box is a very distinctive bulge.

I couldn't put it in my pocket. Yeah, it was the ring in the box because that's the hard thing. The box is a very distinctive bulge. I couldn't put it in my pocket. Yeah, it was in a box but my shorts were baggy enough that I was wearing kind of like a loose T-shirt over the top. You were down the beach. Down the beach. I'd taken like a little follow-up table that we had and then like a cloth and a candle and I was going to like set that all up down there

and I just had to abandon that because I was like, there's no way of me getting this down there and getting this set up without just completely giving up the ghost here. Because already, so I'd bought a bottle of champagne here and kind of hidden it in the car with a couple of champagne glasses

to just have all that ready to go. And then as we were unpacking, she found the bottle of champagne and she's like, what's this? And I go, oh, I think, I don't know. I think someone left that in my car after the Meredith Music Festival.

Oh, nice. Thank God she hasn't been there enough times to know that you can't take glass in there. So I got away with that. Was that thinking on the feet? Yeah, that was pure improv, baby. Thank God you're here. So we go up to the pub. We have one drink.

And then she hadn't brought anything down with her. So she's like, I'll get a bottle of wine take away from the pub to take down. And she's looking at all the bottles of wine. And she's like, I don't think I really want any of these. Do you think, whoever it is, do you think it would be okay if I drank some of that champagne? That hot champagne that's been in your car for six months? And in my head I'm thinking, oh, you'll be drinking the fucking champagne. Don't you worry about that.

You'll be having a fucking glass of champagne. Even if you fucking say no, you'll be drinking it. Well, I'll be drinking it. One of us will be having some. Okay, so here's the other thing. So we go down. We plan to sleep in the back of my car.

It's like the seats go down. It's like a little wagon. He's got a Ford Laser. It's quite nice. I've got one of those little cubes. And we've done that before when we've gone camping and it's like, it's really comfy. It's like, you know, easier than setting up a tent.

So we'd also taken, we planned to do that, but also had taken a tent just because it was meant, the weather was meant to be pretty dodgy. Just so we had like a backup and also just somewhere to store our stuff and get changed and whatever so i had taken the tent with me to the meredith music festival hadn't ended up setting it up because i just decided to sleep in the car because it was so rainy and so i for the duration of the music festival i'd stored the tent like under my car and so get the tent out and we're setting it up and it's like a bit wet and i'm like oh this is weird it was like under the car and so get the tent out and we're setting it up and it's like a bit wet

and i'm like oh this is weird it was like under the car that's it's annoying i hope it's like moldy or anything or just set it up and maybe like air it out maybe it'll be okay and so we we set it up we don't have the like top bit on it yet but we're just kind of letting it air out and we're standing in it and we're like this smells like piss Someone's pissed against my car and it's gone all over the tent and it's like in the tent now. And so we do that and then we walk up to the pub and for like nearly an hour she's talking about, which of your friends think pissed on it?

And he's giving me a full like rogues gallery summary. You're doing a new loose. New loose. What is it about nearly getting engaged that makes you just get the fever for writing a list? That's the signal to any ladies listening. If your man starts itemising anything, get excited. What do we need from the supermarket?

Oh, here he goes. He's getting down on one knee. Mrs Schindler said the same thing. So she's like, do you think it would have been this person do you think it would have been this person and again i know that i'm like half an hour away from doing this yeah so i'm like are you starting to get a bit like oh maybe i could do this tomorrow uh i had gone down there planning to do it on the second night that we were there. Right. But the weather was going to be really bad. And also I was so nervous and stressed about it that I was like, I just have to, I can't

bear a whole other day of like walking around thinking about the, and yeah, if the weather started to turn, I would just be like, then I'd really be panicking. But yeah, I'm just, I'm just, at one point I go to her, we've got to stop talking about piss. It's a mistake. I'm sorry. And then like, we go into the beach and she's like, after she says yes and everything, she's like,

now I understand why you were so keen to stop talking about piss. It's like, oh, yeah, any other night I'd be happy to do this until the sun's gone down. But, again, I'm like, so it's funny because the friend of mine that we most think, that strongly think it it might have been that pissed on the tent was a friend of mine that came to vietnam with us and i was sort of thinking about doing this in vietnam but i was kind of like oh it's just weird it's like we're on a holiday with a friend it's kind of like weird to do it with someone else around it's like maybe it involves

them she says no i've already i'm already sitting next to her on the flight back. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be a little awkward for nine hours. I was a bit like, it feels a bit weird to like maybe involve that other friend of ours in it. And then cut to we end up rolling around in a piss right before we engage. Oh, in her piss. Female piss. Probably should have just done it in Vietnam if I have known this was the alternative. Female piss.

Someone's pissed against a car. Yeah, they're allowed to do it now. Wow. Okay. Well, this was my... Just from how I described the angle that the tent was under there. Yeah. This was my girlfriend's theory that like...

Sorry, my fiance's theory. Yeah, there it is. That only if it's as far back as you were saying, only a woman squatting could get that angle on the tent. This is like the Zapruder footage. Was there a second pisser up on the hill? Did she have a grassy mound?

I wonder if the... Hang on, so you were in the tent with the piss just after she'd said yes? No, no, before... This is when we're setting up, so then we just go tent with the piss just after she'd said yes? No, no, this is when we're setting up, so then we just go, we're not going to worry about... The tent is now in a bin at the campsite. Okay, all right. Tent's abandoned.

Right, okay. Tent's completely abandoned. I was worried if the pheromones from this woman's urine would then trigger some sort of memory. So if she comes around for a dinner party or something, she uses the toilet just before you, you go inside, and suddenly you're filled with romance. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Every time she comes around, a dinner party or something, she uses the toilet just before you. You go inside and suddenly you're filled with romance. Oh, yeah.

Every time she comes around, I go, don't flush. Just leave it for us. It's the... Don't flush, it's our anniversary. Man, honestly, it's like when I smell an open sewer here, I go, oh, Thailand. Thailand, yeah. It's good.

I genuinely love that like rotting sewer smell because it makes me think I'm on holidays. Yeah. Yeah, so we got up the makes me think I'm on holidays. Yeah. Yeah. So we got up the next morning and... Hang on now. What exact... You don't have to say the...

Did you do a speech? You don't have to tell us that. But did you... And did you ask just plain, will you marry me? Or was there different wording or anything? Yeah. So I had written her a card

because I was very nervous about getting all the words out. So I wrote her a card. We were sitting down there. I said, I just... I got you a card. I wrote you a card because I was very nervous about getting all the words out so I wrote her a card we were sitting down there I said I have I just I got you a card I wrote you a card and I handed that to her

and then as she was reading it I got the ring out and got down on one knee and I was like sort of like it's just all this stuff and then near the end

it's just like how will you marry me and then she was like oh and then looked up and there I was how long did you have to wait down there on one knee

not long did she say have to wait down there on one knee? Not long. Did she say while you're down there? Fuck, that's good. That's fucking good. Anyone listening, if you can send us, first person to send us a video of them being proposed to and asking while you're down there, you can come on an episode of the show.

You can be on the podcast because you're better at comedy than us. Good sketch for the funny fellas. Yeah. Did she have any inkling that you were going to ask? No. Oh, that's good. No. Yeah, it was a complete surprise to her, which was cool.

I called my parents. My mum got very good. No. Yeah, it was a complete surprise to her, which was cool. I called my parents. My mum got very emotional. Mum started crying. She kept saying, oh, I'm so overcome. While you're down there. No, I'm so over it. My boy, my boy, while you're down there. Did she, well, that's good.

So what was the sort of reaction So then you're sitting there On the beach It's just you two Did she say yes My wife didn't say yes She went Oh duh

Oh right No she said A million times yes Oh That's nice What did you guys do We got it So I'm on the hook

For a million weddings Yeah Yeah I can't remember I know like I think she said yes But yeah There was I can't even remember.

No, no. Well, yeah, mine was a little bit like that because she couldn't believe it was actually happening, which then wasn't helped by the fact I didn't get a ring because I was like, well, there's no... Every time I buy something for her, it's like, she's like, oh, and then doesn't use it. I'm like, well, I'm not going to pay 10 grand for a ring

that she's not going to wear. You could have proposed with a failure to launch DVD. Yeah, yes. That's not bad. I felt the same way. I got a placeholder ring, just a pretty simple one that they will go shopping for the proper one together. But I did want to just have a thing for the moment.

And so what I was going to say before, the only other person who knew was, so I found this, was looking up some different stores found this one that was like i thought was like a pretty nice pretty simple placeholder ring um was just looking at the this particular store and like what um you know you can see like what store has how much stock in and everything and so this particular store they had a plenty of stock in at their store at Doncaster Shopping Town, commonly known as Shoppo.

Yeah, the Paris of the East. I had to go past my cousin's house to get my... I'd left my AirPods at my aunt and uncle's house on Christmas. So they live like not too far from there. So I was like, okay, I'll swing past there. Then I'll go to Shoppo. Go in, get the AirPods, chat into my cousin and uncle's house on Christmas. So they live like not too far from there. So I was like, okay, I'll swing past there. Then I'll go to Shoppo. Go in, get the AirPods, chat into my cousin and her husband. And then after a while, I'm like, oh, anyway, I got to go.

I got to just, I got to go do some stuff at Shoppo. And they're like, like what? And this was also true as well. I was like, oh, I just need to buy some new exercise gear. So I'm just going to go get that there. And my cousin's husband is like, honestly, this is such a nerd dad thing, but there's a dfo just down the road it's closer than shoppo it's cheaper anything you're gonna need there that honestly just go here and get it it's so much cheaper and i go oh i think i'm just gonna go to shoppo and he's like but why like i'm telling you it's cheaper

down the road and it's quicker why wouldn't you just go to dfo and i go is there a jewelry shop at dfo and i go oh just i've got to get i've got to get some other stuff while i'm there uh at shoppo anyway and they're both like like what yeah what else do you have to do at shoppo you've walked out of that house and they've gone tommy's got bum problems he's got something he needs to put up i'm going to the shopper hotel over the road i'm gonna watch uncanny x like imagine ever getting your feet held to the fire to this extent the road I'm going to watch Uncanny X-Men like imagine ever getting your feet held to the fire

to this extent about just what you're doing down at shopper is your cousin Columbo yeah I don't know why she was grilling me

so hard but I worked I'd crumble I'm loud oh really oh you gave it up yeah I gave it up wow

I just I couldn't think of a I couldn't think of a second buffer item that I needed in a whole shopping centre. You were so quick with the champagne thing. Yeah, I don't know.

You stumbled there. I don't know. Maybe I was... If she'd asked one other question, I'd have just gone champagne. Who left it in this car? Oh, gosh. Will you marry me?

Well, yeah. If she had remembered the no glass in Merida thing, if she had have remembered the no glass and Meredith thing, like if she had have brought that up, then I would have crumbled immediately. But also in my head, I was just like, yeah, whatever. I'm here now. Fill them in. This is like, you know, this is a couple of days before. So I'm just like, all right, I'll just say this out loud.

And then it's like, it's really happening, you know? So, yeah, that. What else? Oh, yeah, we got up the next, you know. So, yeah, that – what else? Oh, yeah, we got up the next day and she was like, yeah, I think it's really unfair that women get an engagement ring but men don't. You know, men should get a ring too. You know, it's not fair. And I'm like, yeah, I agree.

You know, I like jewellery. I think, yeah. Also, it's not unfair. It's like, hey, Toots, go get me one. You're the one holding us back. So we were down the Great Ocean Road. So that's what she did. She went down to the surf shop at Lawn and got me my own engagement ring for $15.

Very nice. The audience at home, the picture is of a yin and yang. It's a yin and yang. I reckon when I said she bought it for $15 at the surf shop in Lawn. Audience at home, the picture is of a yin and yang. It's a yin and yang. I reckon when I said she bought it for $15 at the surf shop in Lawn, I reckon without hearing what it was, I reckon you immediately pictured the right ring. You pictured a... And was your immediate response going,

this is why we don't get engagement rings. Because you're shit at choosing them. Did she also go down on one knee? No, she hasn't yet. And I'll tell you this much. While she's down there. So we, because it was like we, the night that we, so that night we slept in the car and it was just like,

normally it's been fine when we've done it before, but it was like such a muggy night. And even with the boot open, it was like pretty fucked in there and then like this this storm was meant to roll in the next night and we were just going like it's going to be so hot in here especially if we can't have the boot open it's just going to be pretty unbearable what and then my girlfriend found like a um who like my fiance she found a uh an airbnb that was kind of like a glamping sort of thing but like a little cabin that had all the amenities in it. And she's like, oh, should we just do this?

It sounds like the storm's just going to really fuck us. And I was like, yeah, let's do it. And also, we're engaged. Let's do it. Let's treat ourselves. So we booked that. We drive up there. We had this beautiful cabin.

We had a cockatoo that kept coming and sitting on the balcony. And my girlfriend took a photo of the cockatoo and then dropped the news in her friend's group chat and said, hey, me and Tommy have some big news. Here's a list of people who have proposed to me. Number one. Went to post the photo of us on the beach and accidentally posted the photo of the cockatoo instead.

And then went, whoops, wrong photo. And then just I'm sitting there as she's on her phone while all her friends are just going. But anyway, tell us more about the cockatoo instead and then went whoops wrong photo and then just i'm sitting there as she's on her phone while all her friends are just going so but anyway tell us more about the cockatoo this is this is good to know my standing with her friends and what they think of me and so we went out for dinner uh that night in lawn and i had like where we were was like a bit out of the town and the lady who ran the place was like you can walk into town and it's like half an hour-ish but you kind of have to go sort of like through the bush a bit and then you'll come out at the top of the residential bit.

And I'd looked up on Uber and it seemed like there were some Ubers around. So I was like, you know what, let's walk into dinner. We can have some drinks and then we can get an Uber back. We walk into town and it's like easily like over an hour to get to the restaurant. And it's like at least half an hour to get to the restaurant and it's like at least half of that is like bush, like a deep bush.

And so it's like the storm. Oh, you're down there. Yeah. So we're out for dinner and the storm kind of starts rolling in and we're like, it's getting dark and we're like, well, there's, you know, we obviously cannot walk back. We're looking on Uber and there's no, there's just no cars. And so we're like, fuck, what are we walk back. We're looking on Uber and there's just no cars. And so we're like, fuck, what are we going to do?

Lawn is not that big. No. Well, I kind of thought in that region you would have people going sort of to and from. Busy season. Yeah. Surely at this, you know, new local lawn resident Dave O'Neill would have been driving back from hosting the Blacktown RSL

Greyhound Caravan raffle. He would have been down there. Yeah, he's got the house down there. I was down there about the same time and so was he. Yeah, wow, that would have been great if I could have involved him in some way. If there's anyone I know that should be a

taxi driver but isn't, it's Dave O'Neill. Oh, absolutely. If he wasn't a comedian, he should be a taxi driver but isn't, it's Dave O'Neill. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. If he wasn't a comedian, he should be a taxi driver. Oh, imagine if it all went pear-shaped for O'Neill and you're like, you know how people will post that John Blackman is driving Ubers now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine getting a ride to the airport and you're just hearing all these

great yarns about Eric Banner back in the day. And you know what the best bit is? When you get into Dave O'Neill's Uber, he goes, oh, it's actually a mix-up. I'm actually the stripper. So here we go. Yes, good shit. Move over. My kids are in the car. Oh, yeah, I can see them. They're great.

Well, so weirdly, right before we left, our neighbour came around and knocked on the door and was like, oh, we're going on a family holiday. We're going down to Lawn for a few nights. Do you mind putting our bins out on Tuesday? And I was like, oh, we're actually going to be in Lawn for a couple of nights too. And he's like, oh, well, you know, pop around for a drink if you're in the area like here's here's our

address I'm like oh we you know we might do that and so we're sitting there at dinner storms rolled in we can't get an uber and my fiance is like what are we gonna do and I look up our neighbor's address and it's like it's a block away from where we are oh wow and I'm like you know what we do and we didn't end up doing this and it's a great regret of my life. I'm like, we go to celebrations, we get a bottle of wine, we turn up on his door and we go, hey, we just got engaged. Also, can you give us a lift back to our family? And she's like, we can't do that.

That's so embarrassing. I'm like, but imagine you're him and you get that knock on the door and it's like storming and we couldn't get a ride. It's like as if you'd give a fuck. Instead of a present at the wedding, can you give us a ride home? Yeah. We'll take it now. It's like a five-minute drive but hour walk, like as if you'd give a fuck instead of a present at the wedding yeah can you give us a ride yeah we'll take it now five minute drive but our walk like as if he'd care yeah but so then we go and talk to the pub and we're like oh is there like a is there like a taxi is there an engagement room in this pub at lawn did you drop that did you drop we've just got

engaged well so the guy trying to get a free palmer out of it yeah yeah i that that is another great regret of the weekend. I was just, I don't know why I bit my tongue, but because it's like after, you know, like a day or so, you lose the sheen of like, I really wish we had have like turned up to the White River pub straight after and just dropped a bit more of like, hey, we got engaged. I went in with every intention of doing that.

And then the person serving me is just some 19 year old that lives up the road. I'm like, she doesn't fucking care. She thinks I'm the biggest loser. 24 hours later, I was in a pub in Koh Samui, number 34, Ben Lomaps. What a cunt. Well, we went to this Jewish restaurant in Lorne

called Toddy's. And when you book, do you put the, you know, they have like a thing where they go in. Like a special occasion they go eat right, dietary requirements, special occasions. I follow this hospitality memes page, and they had a thing about how when the diners haven't put anything as their dietary requirements,

and then they get there and they go, oh, we actually, we're gluten-free. And it's like I've put that down on behalf of my girlfriend so many times and it's never been followed up on. So I was like, this is the ultimate test. We make the booking and I click engagement thinking it's kind of like a fancy-ish place. Didn't come up at all. No mention of it.

No, I thought maybe we'll get like a glass of sparkling when we sit down, some kind of like, hey, so there's an engagement. Thank you so much for spending the choosing to celebrate it with us. Prove to me forever that they're not looking at that fucking thing. That's the Brown M&M request, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so then, so I asked the pub, is there like a taxi that you can call?

And they go, yeah, there's one taxi driver in the area. Yep, absolutely. There's one guy he's going to make a joke that he's the stripper no but that's it because Maribor had one taxi driver

so yeah it's bigger than law and I think really in terms of residents there's one guy and the guy's like yeah we don't have any special link to him

just look his number up yep landline Steve Steve no mobile get him on the horn land yes mobile no mobile mobile Yep. Landline. Steve! Steve! No mobile. Get him on the horn. Yes, mobile or no mobile?

Mobile. Mobile, oh, okay. Because he's out and about. Yeah, no, I was hoping really old school. Yeah. Got the landline. He's got a, his wife's at home. She's on the landline.

Yep. Then she's texting him on his mobile where to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, I get him and he's like, oh, yeah, when do you want to go? And I'm like, oh, man, just, you know, whenever. Like, really thinking, like, is this guy going to be able to take us for a week? Because if he can't take us, we're fucked. Genuinely, we're like, are we just going to have to now get a hotel room just on the main street?

And now we have three separate accommodations for tonight. And so, yeah, he's like, oh, I can be there. And I'm just coming back from Turkey. I can be like half an hour we're like great rolls up really nice guy you know

just you know really friendly really helpful and then when I was looking him up again the next day just to see what was on the

yellow pages listing he's got an average of one star nice and just reading through these reviews Ned from three years ago Hang up on us

We called to get a taxi from one side of Lawn to the other That's like a ten minute walk On a Saturday night When we told him where we were going He hung up on us right away Pretty rude This is from Ricky We've been trying to get a hold of Jack the taxi driver

For two hours now Multiple calls Not once did he answer We ended up walking past him Sitting in a car park in his car. Do better. Horrible service. He never answers and we see his car at his house.

We called three times and he is rude. And then there's this one. This is the only positive one. He's the only taxi driver in town. Picked us up in the rain and really saved our night. Very friendly guy And had a nice chat with him On the drive

I am engaged He's really stood the test of time And that one's been posted By a user called Lemon Man So look Even if you've never Help this guy out Even if you've never caught him

Google yellow pages Lawn taxi driver And let's just pump this guy up Great He's the only guy. Let's get him to two stars. I drove past his house and his car was parked out in the front. Yes, his house.

He was sitting in the car and he doesn't want to work. It's fine. I drove past his house. You were in your car. You don't need a taxi. Yeah. car you don't need a taxi and it's me and carl getting down on one knee to ask you a big question dear listener will you do us the honor will you make us the happiest podcasters alive by spending money to come and see us live yes we would love that um Just another little mention, guys. It's live show season.

So Adelaide, hey, big announcement. Of course, when we have such a special milestone, who else would we want to share it with than you, Adelaide? The 700th episode we're recording live. This is one of these ones where, you know, when the Olympics comes out and it's like, oh, yeah, we're going to do the Olympics in Christmas Island this year. And you go, how the fuck did this happen? Well, they know when it is.

They know when the Olympics is going to be. It's every four years. Right. So everyone puts in their beard. Yes. And so with us, you know, we know it's just like another hundred weeks away. Yes. So in the last two years, we've been taking the applications from cities all over the

world to host the 700th episode. in taking the applications from cities all over the world to host the 700th episode. Or it just so happens that right after we're in Adelaide, I'm going to Japan, and that's the week that the 700th episode is meant to drop. Yes. So Adelaide, you have the 700th episode, so we're going to make it a big spectacle

because you've earned that with your attendance over the years. This really is going to feel like a party where you're like, when are people going to get here? So many people clicked attending on Facebook. Where are all my friends? I didn't know we had so many Jehovah's Witness friends that don't believe in birthdays. 24th of February, 700th episode, live in Adelaide.

Super special guests lined up for that one, so come along to that. Yeah, take a little look through the guide at the Adelaide Fringe. Click on that date, see who's around, and yeah, you'll see that it's going to be quite a show. Yeah. Then every Saturday during the Melbourne Comedy Festival, we are doing one in the afternoon in the Basement Comedy Club. We are 30th of March, 6th of April, 13th of April, 20th of April.

30th of March, 6th of April, 13th of April, 20th of April. And then, of course, updating you on Gosamui, the Gosamui International Podcast Festival. It is. This is sold quicker than any of the previous festivals. We are down to, as of the time of recording, we're down to like 10 rooms left for the whole resort. Now, if you check out what we have,

we have sort of the bigger rooms left that we've subsidised a little bit. You have, it's what it is, is there's a lot of two beds and then a bunk in a separate room. So you've got a two bedroom apartment, basically, what you've got. Yeah, you've got a, this is what I love in any kind of Airbnb or hotel,

a second just trash room. Yes. Where I can have my clothes strewn all over the place, not have to see it, not have to worry about it, close the door, and then walk into the main part of the room and be like, ah, this is pristine, just like how I found it. Yes, just like mummy used to make hotel rooms. So you've got a spare room with a bunk in there that you can chuck all your shit on

or you can invite a... Look, I don't think anyone's bringing their kids, but if you want to, you can do it if you want. You and your partner can have sex in there and role play that you're both children. Or you can fight the whole time you're on holiday and one of you can stay on the bunk the whole time. Yeah, exactly. Easy, no problem.

You know, there's a couple of holidays. I could have done that. The top bunk has a little net on it, which I quite like. Yes. So, yeah, hey, look, act quick on it. It is the season where you guys are all back at work. You can now ask your boss, can I go to this fucking stupid festival? Play this to them.

Yes. March into the boss's office. Yes. Bluetooth speaker in hand. I want two weeks off, one to go to Adelaide for the 700th episode. Yep. And then one to go to Koh Samui. Yep.

So this is the time to do it. Tickets are almost gone. It is remarkable how quickly it has sold. And my little dickie has been hard every day hitting that refresh button. I fucking loved it. So get onto all of those details. We're at littledumbdumbclub.com. It is a red-hot live podcast festival season right upon us, guys.

Act on it, please. Yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com get all your tickets get all your information and now back to the program so now we begin the

planning of the the wedding of Thomas Dassolo or indeed I mean you know

you probably do that your bucks what do you want what are we doing for Tommy's bucks, Carl? Tommy famously organized Carl's bucks. Is that famous? I don't know. Sure, what do you want?

I mean, it didn't make the papers, but I did do it. I remember rocking up and didn't you make him wear an outfit or something? I don't think so. I just was like organized for people to show up after you were running your gig and I was like just sent a message around and I was like hey why don't

let everyone just turn up and then yeah we'll go do something I think he was wearing a stupid hat or something because I remember rocking up

and Carl's wearing I was a bit late and Carl's wearing the hat and I remember just saying to you have you told him it's his bucks yet right so your biggest memory

of Carl's bucks is something that you said. I'm available for funerals, by the way. I haven't thought about the Bucs at all. We haven't, we think we'll, yeah, we're not, we don't know what we're going to really do for the wedding. No, we'll be in Perth. One thing I do know for sure is that the only thing I've really thought about in terms of size or venue or anything like that,

we don't know any of that yet or even when we'll do it, but I've decided that I will be doing it Danny McGinley style. Excellent. Comedy promoters only. Yes. So Carl's in. Josh, you and I have run a gig together, so you count. So Danny, you've got to get booking if you want to come to this thing.

Yeah, I'm now announcing my new room, the Ha Ha Hole. It's just in my shed. I've just got to get to this wedding. That counts. It's a very old episode of this show, but I did go to your wedding and I just sat there for about an hour going, what's wrong with this invite listing? And they went, it's only people that book gigs.

It wasn't. And also relatives and friends no no but there was no comedians there was only people who could help you out there was a lot of comedians there was not

yeah that's why you were there let people let the audience know that Danny McGinley is averting his eye gaze at the moment at my wedding

there was four comedians and now there was only one comedian left yes the other three all left comedy oh the curse yeah and who's the only one who's still. Yes, the other three all left comedy.

Oh, the curse. Yeah. And who's the only one who's still doing it? You, Tommy D'Astor. Yeah. The winner. You've quit comedy. Yeah.

Seven years ago. Yeah. I remember saying to those other three when I got there, I'm going to be the fucking sole survivor of this. Just you watch. I'm the black box of this wedding. The comedy black box. Well, you know what? Box party. I know. I've got a box of this wedding. The comedy black box. Well, you know what, Bucks Party, I've got a person that can organise it for you, if I may,

and that is Daniel McGinley. Because, well, let's get to this, I guess, in a roundabout way. Myself and friend of the show, Brett Blake. Really, we're talking about this? Yes. Okay, all right, fine. This is a good sign let's go back to talking about

my wedding invites you're right they were just promoters my parents weren't even there it was just the boys from the

comics do anything you want please Janet McLeod and Fidelity that's all it was I'm gay and I'm

bad at comedy please please give me another wedding present. Show me mercy. I've said this before, but you'd thrive as a yak, as a kingpin. People having to come to you after a baggie can slice the pinky off in front of you. Please, Carl.

Please. So, Brett Blake, friend of the show, his closest pub to his house is a... One day we were like, let's get a drink. He said the closest pub to his house is a Topos bar. Yeah. He's like, let's just go and get a drink there, he goes. It'll be funny. It's like middle of the day.

It'll be all sort of like older women. It'll be just like, ah, this is sort of cute, sort of funny, whatever. We get there. It's real funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the way it was sold. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. And we get there, it's like, have you been here before?

Because these are all smoke shows and this is not funny anymore. We are just legit in a topless bar. And I think there's at least three other pubs between his house and that one, to be fair. I'm sure Brett Blake, of all people, would not know that. There is a pub 20 metres from there that I've got a story about. Okay, okay, okay. We'll get there. So anyway, we're there.

We're like, okay, well, we're here. We'll have a beer. This is sort of funny. And then completely kick into comedian mode because we're in there and just immediately, you know, within five minutes, you know, there's people,

there's ladies walking around with no top on, but we're sitting around there looking at the acoustics, listening to the acoustics and going, man, this would make a good comedy room. Like if you just, we get up on the same stage

as that, how many do you reckon you could fit in here? This could be a comedy festival venue and it's like, girls have got their tits out in front of us

and we're like, shut up, we're trying to figure out whether this is a 50 or a 60 seater. So anyway, we're there. That pole is in the way though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even though we've changed topic, I'm still so glad my fiance's not in the house. Yes, yes.

So anyway, the next time I catch up with him, like a week later, it's like, yeah, we're going to get a drink or whatever. And it's like, oh, just for something funny to do, we'll go there again. I'm like, okay, this is funny now. And then so we're there for a beer. And then like I think maybe the next day or something,

we're at basement and you're there. And it's like, okay, we'll get a beer after this. Oh, you know, it'd be fun. We might as well just go back to the same place again. Real funny. Comedy works in three. So yeah, it's like, okay, we'll get a beer after this. Oh, you know, it'd be fun. We might as well just go back to the same place again. Real funny. Comedy works in threes. So yeah,

it's really good. Yes. So then, then we're there. We'll fast forward a bit. But then, like, I talked to Blakey

like, then another week later and he goes, oh man, this is so funny. Wait till you find out about this. This is so funny. Remember we were there with McGinley the other week, you know, last week or whatever. This is so funny wait till you find out about this this is so funny remember we were there

with McGinley the other week you know last week whatever this is so funny so I go there yesterday and then this

one of the girls said oh your mate you know your mate McGinley was with you the other night yeah he comes here all the time how's that

McGinley comes to the topless bar all the time I'm like technically we go there all the time now and you've gone there

again since I've been there. This story relies on you going there on a solo mission. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but we did go there with Danny McGinley. And McGinley, so we're there. We're in a place where, you know, all the guys are sort of sitting there and looking at the girls or whatever.

Shriek of excitement from the topless girls. Look over at Danny McGinley. It's him. The guy off the Toyota ad. Oh. Wow. Can you sign our boobs? Fuck yeah.

And it's all included in that cat price service. Yeah. Okay. Oh, what a feeling. Wait till I see the Nintendo one. There's a video of that. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, Star... The topless girls were starstruck. Big fans of free-to-air TV in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they show the footy a lot and that ad was on after every goal. Oh, yeah, okay. That's it.

So, I knew the manager of that place and there's a pub up the road which is not a topless bar, it's just a normal sports bar. And I was in there once. It was sort of in between lockdowns. So there was only four of us there, me and three mates, and we're watching the footy.

And generally there was one bartender and she was just like, look, I'm just going to sit here on my phone. You're the only ones here. Just come over when, you know, just like, you know, bang on the bar when you need me, but I'm just down here. Just come over when, you know, just like bang on the bar when you need me, but I'm just down here. Sweet. Yep, all good.

And then no one else comes in for the entire night. About an hour, we've been there. A guy just walks in. We're just here. Where are the tits? Oh, yeah, no, it's up the road. Can you imagine any scenario where you would walk into a room and just yell that phrase?

Yeah. Man, I got... Unless you're a particularly determined bird watcher. Yeah, there we go. No gear on the podcast. Sorry, sorry. I feel like that line needs to be said in a Ross Noble voice. Particularly determined bird watcher.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, sorry. Yeah, no, I got a message the other day and it's like, couldn't be more rigid. in a Ross Noble voice particularly determined bird voice yeah anyway so yeah no I got a massage the other day and it's like couldn't be more rigid

it's like it's a nail salon it's like you know whatever and as I was getting a massage

I could just you know thin walls and everything stop off for the massage before or after you're at the titty bar stop painting

maybe spread these out over a couple of eps. This is like Thailand. Massage places get a bad rap now. Everyone just thinks the same, the first worst thing. You can get a massage without getting jerked off. Yeah, some people can. It's never happened to me.

I'm at a proper rigid inch place. Don't say rigid. Well, whatever. But it was like the footy was on or there was some big event on or whatever. Oh, I thought you meant on a TV. Yeah, in a massage place. I thought you meant the footy was on on a TV

as you were getting the massage. Because it was in Richmond. So there's people on their way to the footy and stuff like that. And so I'm in this place that's got nice music and whatever. And then twice within one massage, a guy walked in, opened the door and went, Hey! And they're like, yes, sir. Do you do happy endings in here or what?

Oh, my God. Oh, really? Yeah. And they're like, sorry? And they're like, because it's so... Either they didn't even understand or it's so legit. They're like sorry? And they're like because it's so either they didn't even understand or it's so

legit they're like I can't believe someone's asking this and the guy's like I said you know what happy endings are?

And they go yeah yeah yeah we know and we don't do them. That would have been a great bit if you were

on the table at that point and you just immediately go what the fuck am I doing here? Yeah yeah yeah. I was going to

say you shouldn't have told my line where you were yeah that'd be great she said yeah they say no and then i just walk out with a towel around me yeah i will beat you good day this is the most unhappy ending to my experience yeah um one thing i forgot to say so you were asking me about this before we recorded josh so i was just in just in Sydney for a few days. Part of that was knowing that I was going to propose and I got a few close friends up in Sydney. So I wanted to go up and tell them face-to-face. So I've been calling it my little press junket, going face-to-face. And also knowing that I was doing this, this was like my Coachella.

And so I spent the weekend just doing some warm-up kicks under a secret name, just in like a sort of small venue. And, you know, I feel like telling it on here went well, but I got to do one of maybe the best bits I've ever done. And it's a pretty specific reference. I think you guys might get it. So I was catching up with a friend for dinner, and then later in the afternoon he's like,

oh, this other friend of ours might come too if that's okay. And he wants to take us to the driving range first because he's just gotten really into golf. I'm like, sure, that'll be nice. So we go to the driving range. It's like sunset. It's like a nice afternoon with these two buddies of mine. And I'm lining up a shot and they're both behind me and I turn around to them and I go, hey, boys, by the way, I got engaged.

Now watch this drive. Hey, clutch. Gave them the George W. Bush. I was like, oh, that honestly was more satisfying than the proposal. Oh, fuck, it felt great. And then hit the ball and just completely fucked it. Yeah, good. Good metaphor. oh, fuck, it felt great. And then hit the ball and just completely fucked it. Yeah, great.

Good metaphor. It's like 20 centimetres just off the, it just like rolls onto the ground. Yeah. So, yeah, that was my little... What was the original reference? What did he say, George W. Bush, before he... It's like some news report thing where he's talking about Al-Qaeda.

Right, right. And then he like spins around and he goes, now watch this drive. Yeah, great. Great moment in entertainment. Yeah. I love how I'm not doing the out-of-date references. Yeah, but George, it's back in the zeitgeist. Is it?

It's timeless. Yeah, yeah. Can I claim that next time I get ratted on for a reference to I Love Lucy? Sure. When you reference Keyboard Cat, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. When you're reading to kids, I'll whisper in your ear, a second joke has just bombed. Yeah, maybe we should.

Maybe this is the opportunity to get the long talked about, I don't know what we've even called it, the bucks for our friends that aren't married. Oh, yes. Yes, well, yeah, I mean, I guess you're officially on the list of people that don't have a wedding lined up at the moment. Well, but I'm also the one of them that's engaged, right? That's the big thing is that none of them are married.

Oh, no, I think they are. I think they are. Some of them are? Some of them are engaged. Okay. I think Harley's engaged. I think... Oh, yeah, you're right, actually.

Actually, I think Thornton's engaged. Okay. Yeah. Well, maybe this can be the real spearheading of like... You all get married together. We all get together under the umbrella and we have our joint bucks. I reckon you all put $300 in a bucket and the first person to get married wins. Fuck.

That's not bad at all. I reckon that's good. That'll certainly cover 1% of your wedding. Well, can you do, yeah, how big,

you know, can we just, if it's just going to City Hall and signing the papers, that's easy. Does there need to be some stipulation about like, You thought in,

you thought in Lomas, Dave O'Neill, Dave O'Neill, Harley, Harley, Bron, Bron Lewis. Yeah, I think that's it. Yeah. Goldstein? You thought Lomas Dave O'Neill Dave O'Neill Harley Harley Bron Bron Lewis Yep

Yeah I think that's it Yeah Goldstein No Well they got the wedding Yeah That's what he says He's been doing that gear for about four years

Yeah yeah I think he just likes the jokes too much Yeah yeah Did Nazeem end up getting Muslim married in the end? Oh yeah That was his big thing where we were like Are we going to get invited? And he said,

I'll invite you to when I get Muslim married. No, no, yeah, yeah. No, he got Muslim married, but he... That's what he replied to us. He never got honky married, so we didn't get to go.

Ah. Yeah. He didn't get my A's married, so, yeah, we're not... We didn't get allowed to go. Damn. Yeah. So, yeah, no, you're right.

He did promise us that. I was like, oh, fuck, I want to come. I'm good mates with you. Yeah, I'm going to hold this out on him. I'm like, hey, you know, my wedding's coming up and I'm starting to look at the invites. You should get Muslim married. Yeah, that's not a bad idea.

Yeah. So what, I convert for the wedding? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah, you have to. Because maybe I'll finally become Italian. So I can have a

Big old wog wedding Yeah big on giving cash That's what you want I mean your dad has to do us favours On the day Yes Yes Yeah that's great

He would thrive in that Environment A little room that he's in That people are just coming into him One after the other And asking him For a little favour Already looking forward to your dad's speech

Gonna be a doozy Oh yeah Yeah That'll be good Yeah I think he's gonna into him one after the other and asking him for a little favour. Already looking forward to your dad's speech. It's going to be a doozy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That'll be good. Yeah, I think he's going to... I went to one a couple of years ago where the dad just fucking botched it. It was just too... He opened with...

I think I've said this on the show before, but he opened with a bit of... He opened with monologue jokes. Cardinal Pell had just been arrested, so he was very topical gear about the Catholic church. I like this. Yeah. It was, it was really like, is Kevin Eubanks at this wedding?

What the fuck's going on? Um, and then he just went on too long. He, he had a, you know, classic, classic move,

a couple of drinks to soothe the nerves. Yeah. Just like has a couple too many and just really got away from him and it just was that you know you start to hear that low murmur in the room of people

this cunt is absolutely fucking mad and also that you have to fuck it pretty hard at a wedding of course yeah there's so much goodwill absolutely

and my friend was like devastated at the end of the day because he was like I just feel I was I knew he was going to kill it you know it's like he's such a good public speaker.

He's funny. I was going into this going like, man, everyone's going to just like light up over my dad's speech. Like I feel so bad for him. Like, you know, it's like if someone's really nervous that gets up, you go, okay, they did their best. But it's like, this should not have happened. My dad did a bit in the speech for me.

In my teens, he goes, I didn't think it was going to happen. We thought you were gay. I think it would get a big laugh didn't do well Beck's brother was there didn't yeah and then what if I set my dad up for that I'm like

dad say this I promise you if my friends it'll kill can you write can you write his speech that would be good ghost write it

ghost write a speech about myself for my dad yes insane stuff I would love that yeah you could collab with him.

Yeah, okay. You're going to get Carl to emcee your wedding? Well, I was going to say, so that's the next thing. Like, you know, you know so many, you know,

good emcees. Yeah, who emceed my wedding, Charlie? Which promoter emceed my wedding? Mitzi Shaw? I don't know. Pickering did my wedding. Oh, that? I don't know. Pickering did my wedding.

Oh, that's cool. He was good. I wonder if he'd do it. You're trying to get warm up for the weekly. A show that was 10 years away from being created.

You've got to play the long game. Yeah, who should I get? Who'd be a good MC? I MC'd one of my best mate's weddings with 45 seconds notice in October. What?

Wow. Wasn't going to have an emcee. Wasn't even going to have a best man for some reason. Oh, okay. Right, right, right. And then, like, on the day, I'm like, yeah, so who's speaking? He's like, yeah, just me and the new bride and my mum and her mum. And that's it.

I'm like, cool. Do you sure you don't want someone just to go like, hey, everyone, you know, clang the glasses and go, please, you know, now please who is speaking is the groom's mum. Now who is speaking is the bride. And he's like, no, no, no. And then literally half an hour later I'm like three, four beers in. He's just gone.

Actually, you know, I just spoke to, yeah, they all want to do it. So I opened with, as the best man. Yeah, nice. Elevated myself. Yeah, maybe we could do it as something at a live show where I'll hold auditions. Oh, yeah. For the best man of my wedding.

Yeah, that's a good idea. We need a bunch of our friends to come out. Yeah. Just me sitting there listening to eight best man speeches about myself. Yeah. No, absolutely. But you've got to think about it because I was like, at one point I was like, you know what, I'll get Harley.

Harley Breen, he'd be good as MC. And then I went, no, you know what, he will fucking roast me too hard. You know who I'll get? I'll get Thornow because he'll go a lot easier on me. And then, well, that was wrong. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Two-footed tackles in there.

Well, we don't know when we're going to do it. I'm going to have to get Dave O'Neill's corporate gig schedule and just make sure that I have it on the same night as... Just close by to whatever he's got booked yeah just let him know where it's going to be so he can book a few gigs round yeah

fuck what if he's doing a gig for Baker's Delight in Cairns you're going to have to put the whole wedding up there fuck that's alright it'll be beautiful destination wedding

why does this does this place have any significance to you two yeah it's where O'Neill's got 20 minutes no someone my someone my partner's met once is doing a gig

around the corner yeah you could book O'Neill for got 20 minutes. No, someone my partner's met once is doing a gig around the corner. You could book O'Neill for your bucks as the stripper. I'm actually the comedian tonight, so let's get into it. Having Dave MC the wedding would be pretty cool. He's one of the first comedians I saw live. No, that would be great. Yeah, that'd be really nice. I don't know if you...

You guys definitely made this joke for my bucks, which was 2012. I don't know if you, you guys definitely made this joke for my bucks, which was 2012. I don't know if you've done it for other people's. There was talk of booking an open mic that nobody liked. I'd love to hear this joke from 12 years ago. That was your joke. You were very keen on doing it for real.

Oh, okay. It was, you book an open mic that nobody likes and say they're performing at a bucks, but don't tell them, you know, give a fake name and then they rock up and it's just all comedians watching. There's Gleeson, there's Limo, there's everyone just staring at it going, go on, no, we've booked you for 20.

Yes, yes. I love that. Speaking of bad comedy, you've just given me a brainwave. The world's first Hungry Jack's wedding. Oh, yes. Hungry Jack's Bucks party, that. Hungry Jack's Bucks party. That's good. Yeah.

That's good. You get a little crown. Yeah. We can do that. Combine that in. We can actually make Hungry Jack's comedy. We can book a comedian for it.

We have the bucks there. Everyone brings in groggy. Hungry Bucks. That Photoshop works so much better than Hungry Jack's comedy. You could knock up Hungry Bucks in the logo in about three seconds with your eyes closed, I reckon.

Yeah, yeah. That's great. Hungry Bucks. Everyone just brings on vodka to put in their Fanta. Yeah. Vodka Fanta. Yeah. I love it.

All right. Maybe this is the move. Hungry Bucks. Can we do a meme? We should have an update. Still looks like Hungry Jack's comedy Is just what Never gonna happen

I know We have gotta make it happen The only people That are gonna make it happen Tommy is me and you We're the only ones Invested enough And does it have to be

The one at Southern Cross Train Station Yes It does have to be Well that's where It was gonna be I feel like You're a purist

Imagine we call up And ask if we can Have my bucks there And they're like We've actually got A comedy night on that night. Dave O'Neill's on. I mean, we could leave the gear there

if you're looking to do speeches or something. We could do it. Can we please do a mini bucks at the very least at Hungry Jack's at the train station? Yeah, I wonder if they... It'd be sick if they had like a party room and we could book it out On their little crown Yeah

We could go there for a beer now We could go and get a Six pack and go Calling a stripper And being like Yeah it's The Buxers They're the

Shacks If they won't do it I know a few girls Who are pretty keen It's at Southern Cross Station No not that one The other one

At Southern Cross The one upstairs You know where the comedy is Yeah of course The other one at Southern Cross. The one upstairs. You know, where the comedy is. Yeah, of course. The world famous comedy Southern Cross, Hungry Jacks. What if you get there and it's now a Red Rooster? Oh, damn. Just ruins it.

Yeah, it does a bit. That makes it a cock fest, wouldn't it? Yeah. All right, you can't have a gig there. Oh, damn it. Fuck. All right, we'd better wrap it up there for another installment of The Little Dum Dum Club. Josh L, Danny McGinley, thank you very much for having us.

What an honour to be on this big episode. Two for two. Yeah, fuck, it'll be interesting next time you get booked again. Yep. Fuck, that is pretty good, actually. Well, Carl introducing us to his new Thai bride would be great. Just any time either of you get booked, you're like, dare I ask, who's the other guest?

Do I have to do this every time I'm on with... Because if you book me and Marty Sheargold again, do I have to have a really fucked vasectomy? Yeah. Okay. Actually, that's obviously like that. The time was my proposal. So that must be seven years ago or something like that. It was Christmas 2016.

Yeah, yeah. There you go. So, yeah, I'd love to hear that back now. Have we repeated the same riffs over and over again? Probably. I did think about listening back to it and then I was like, nah, let's just go in clean. Yeah. I'd like to think we've gotten better in seven years.

Hopefully we've improved the riffs. Well, let us know, guys. Which proposal episode do you think is better, Carl's or mine? Who had the funnier engagement? Josh, you've got a show coming up for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. It's called Four Burners. It's on April 8th to April 21. Tickets at

joshu.com.au. Beautiful. Come along. And you've got your podcast Four Burners. With the same name. See? See what I've done there? Just have to promote one name thing. So listen to that as well. Pods are found. Great. Check that as well. So that's out everywhere. Pods are found.

Great. Check that out. Danny, what are you doing? Yeah, I'm doing some fundraisers for Ukraine in Adelaide and Melbourne. We're waiting to hear from Sydney and Perth as well, but they are on sale. We're at the Spiegel tent on Monday the 11th. That's a long weekend in Adelaide. 11th of what?

March? Sorry? 11th of what? March? Sorry? 11th of what? March, thank you. I'm just thinking about, they've given us the Spiegel tent. It's fucking big and I know Adelaide people don't show up. Yeah, well, in that case, I'd be remembering the month it was in. Yeah, fair enough.

I've booked Tom Gleeson for that. So it should be a good night. Can you put in a good word for my wedding? For Glees wedding? Yeah. For Gleeson. Yeah, I wanted to MC it. Oh yeah, sure. I wanted to be my best man.

So yeah, all go to Ukraine Crisis Appeal. Just go to adelaidefringe.com and there's one in Melbourne as well at the Victoria Hotel. And I've forgotten the date of that, so you know. That's fine.

I've got a Russian fundraiser. Oh yeah. Nice. Yeah, it's in Melbourne. Who's playing that? Tom so, you know. That's fine. I've got a Russian fundraiser. Oh, yeah. Nice. Yeah, it's in Melbourne. Who's playing that? Tom Gleeson. Yeah, cool. Yeah, he doesn't want to leave anyone out.

Honestly, it wouldn't shock me. No, no. None of that would shock me. All right, guys. No, well, hey, we've got the Costa Moya International Podcast Festival, which is selling, like, insanely. So, yeah, there are very limited hotel rooms left guys

but they are still nice ones. So at the time of recording there is I think single figures left of rooms so get onto it guys. And don't let both of us now being off the market deter you.

Yes. Yeah, no refunds if you thought you could come and suck off Tommy Daslow and you already got a room. Sorry guys. But if you want to, come and suck off Tommy Daslow and you already got a room. Sorry, guys. But if you want to, Hungry Bucks comedy.

It's your last chance. It's your last chance. Have a go on his whopper. Exactly. Because as we all know, as long as you're not married, you're allowed to get your dick sucked by him. That's true. That's how it works.

Thanks, everyone, for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mates. Missive, mate. And they've done it. See you, mate. Miss it, mate. And they've done it again. Oh, congratulations, Tommy. Finally. On what? On going to Koh Samui. On doing episode

number 691 of a podcast. Yes, yes. You finally committed to doing that episode. Yep. Which is great. For a long time, I didn't think you'd do it. I thought you were just going to be like, no, I just want to see how I go. Maybe I'll do some other episodes. Yeah.

But no, you committed to that one. This episode has been asking me to do it for 10 years. Finally, finally, I just couldn't get out of it. I was like, okay. I'm not going to do any better than this episode. All right. 6.93. i know how numbers work yeah it's um it's time to make an honest podcast out of it yeah you don't want to be like

an old podcaster in these pictures for episode 693 you want to be one of those guys that's like what why is he waited that long to do it but conversely i would hate to, oh God, podcast, record an episode with my high school podcast. Yes. And go too early? Right. Okay. Yeah, you know, I haven't really experienced any other podcasts. How can I know?

You wouldn't want to have recorded episode 693 when you're only one year into podcasting, when you weren't that good at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. And you hadn't seen that many episodes out there. I haven't seen what else is out there. Hadn't seen that many guests out there. Yeah, yeah. Right, right.

Oh, God. This hurts. This is teetering on. It's really walking the tightrope between working and not working. I think it technically is working. You don't have to enjoy it and think it's great, but it's working, what we're saying. I had a horrible sleep last night, so I'm dealing with that.

But then also the coffee's just hit me, so I'm sort of riding those dual waves of being out of my mind with exhaustion but getting a little caffeine hit. And for any scientists out there, you can use this as research. That's what you get, an extended riff about podcasting if it was marriage. Yes. Now, repeating as we've said, this is the third time this episode. Guys, live shows, Adelaide, in about a month or something.

700th episode. Get into it. It's going to be fun. It's going to be party vibes. Then Melbourne, as usual, for a month, every Saturday afternoon in March and April a residency yes and they're always

heaps of fun and you know the site of where we did last year's most popular episode with Pang and O'Neill oh yeah at Basement Comedy Club downstairs

so and then Koh Samui 10 rooms left as time of recording get into it and from what we've been

talking about pre-show Tommymmy we'll be announcing two more actual guests next week so that'll be interesting for you guys to um to find out and um yeah four guests that'll be fun yeah you know that cam james and daniel walker from last week from before um they're they're happening that's that's locked in so that's gonna be uh a lot of fun what's that movie it's like the uh apparently it's good it's i think it's tom cruise and it's like a action movie but it's like it's a groundhog day action movie basically to die again again or something it's got some apparently it's quite good but it's got some shocking name that when it came out people were

like no one's gonna see this because the name is so confusing and doesn't convey what it is that film should just be called from before right any time loop film anyone who's currently putting together a pitch for a time loop film think about the title dot dot dot from before there's a there's a movie called what's the movie called looper oh yeah i was meant to watch it and i never watched it loop is great check out looper should i watch it yeah i think so i think it holds up okay i feel like i watched it not that long ago it's a good yeah good sci-fi film what's the movie that he's in night and day no it's not collateral is it no not? No, not Collateral. Goldmember?

Not Gold... Is Tom Cruise in Goldmember? Yes, apparently. I'm looking at his IMDb right now. Fuck, maybe it's not actually Tom Cruise in it. He plays famous Austin. Brackets, Austin pussy. Oh, is this a...

I think this might be at the start where they're making the fake Austin Powers movie and Britney Spears is in it as well. Because, you know, the third one is like second one's been a huge smash. So obviously the third one, we've got the collateral, pardon the pun, to get like Tom Cruise and Britney Spears and stuff in it. I was telling someone, I've told this on the show before that my dad gave me permission to wag school and my dad wagged work so that we could go and see Goldmember the day it came out. I did not know that. I don't remember that.

Which I was telling someone that the other day and they were like, but you could have just gone at night. Why didn't you just meet up after school and after work? I'm like, that is a great point. Something about the thrill of seeing a movie when you're like, man, I'm like watching Austin Powers in my head being like, I'm meant to be in maths class right now. It really did make it hit a lot harder.

Yeah, yeah. I should do that with my kid. First day of school is coming up. I'll just... Wag day one. Wag day one. Day one of prep. Wag day one.

To go and see that new Nicolas Cage movie. Yeah, yeah. What's like a shitty comedy movie that's about to come out that would be good to... That would be good. Or just something that's been out all summer that it's like you could have just seen at any point in the last three months. Yeah.

What's that right now? Take her to go see Saltburn. Day one of prep. Yeah. My kid needs to see a man fuck a gravesite. Take her to go and see Ferrari. Yeah. Nice.

Yeah. Nice. Night swim. Oh, fuck. That would be good. Yeah. Nice. Night swim. Oh, fuck. That would be good. Yep. Yep. You'll always remember wagging school to go and see night swim.

I don't really remember the wagging school element. I just remember my overwhelming fear of water. Oh, I remember seeing night swim all right. Not so much the context around it. No. I remember that thing going, fuck, I love school in comparison to this. I want to go to school on Saturdays and Sundays from now on. Now, I know we've got to keep this tight,

but one quick thing I want to say that I was going to bring up in the main ep before I was cut off at the knees by Danny McGinley. Now, it just reminded me, you know, maybe it's not even Tom Cruise in that movie that I'm thinking of, and I know I'm going to fucking hear about it from people. And speaking of, I need to do a corrections corner for last week, where I was saying that the fact that Mario is a plumber never really comes into the video games at all. Yes.

And boy, howdy, didn't I hear about that? Yeah. A few essays in the inbox, yeah including video and screenshot evidence oh great um one guy commenting on a post of mine on instagram that's not even my most recent post it's like four back yeah uh and then i clicked on his page and he doesn't even follow me that's when you know someone's really gone out of their way to dislike you that's cool um and uh look i know that pipes are in Mario, you know, you travel down the little pipes.

I know that there's like plumber iconography makes its way into the games. Yeah. But all of that being said, I do think that our riff about how there should be a section of a Mario game where you use a Wii remote to plunge a big shit out of a toilet. I think that still stands. I think even though I've kind of like shot from the hip and, yeah, okay,

yes, okay, the plumbing stuff does kind of come in in some of the imagery. It's like I'm actuallying Santa Claus. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we know he can't get around the world in time to give presents to everyone. But it's a beautiful concept. Yeah. And it makes a lot of people happy. Yeah.

Exactly like this. Yeah. My point was in the newer games, you never have challenges where you're running around doing anything plumbing related. Yeah. That was my point. Yeah. Okay.

So, look, as someone whose other half of his job is hosting a video games podcast, I felt very put under fire. Yeah. And I just wanted to issue an apology if you were offended. I just had to, yeah, and I kind of thought it also made sense to do this with Danny McGinley who recently was in an ad for the Super Mario Brothers. Oh, yes.

Well, apologies to the grandmother of the person who invented that gaming console, Nantendo. What do you think? Did you just think that up then? Yeah. Why are you looking at your screen? Why are you looking at your laptop screen? I don't have it on there.

You wrote that down, didn't you? No, I didn't. You planned that. No, I didn't. How dare you? Because what I saw was you said the grandmother of the person who invented that, then your eyes ducked down to the laptop screen.

And it was funny to me that you might not be able to remember the phrase Nantendo. No, no, no. I needed a visual prompt. Look, look, it's not there. Okay, I believe you. It's not there. I believe you.

Oh, look, I'll cop you saying that's bad, but I will not cop you saying I wrote that down. Pre-written. Pre-written. Yeah, I would have loved if you had spun the laptop around and it's just in size like 48 font Nintendo. Not even with a run-up, none of the preamble. It's just that phrase has popped into your head and you're like,

I reckon at some stage I'm going to get an in to chuck this out. Finally, the piece of information I've been waiting for. Finally, the piece of information I've been waiting for. All right, hey, we've got to get through this because i have a haircut to attend um i have to go and i have to go and do it um it's right near your house this is the the hairdressers i go to yeah why do you come all the way up here to get your haircut um because you know what really weirdly it was there was a hairdresser's right near basement comedy club. And then they had a chain and they moved my hairdresser out to a shop that's right near your house. And then I'm like, okay, well, I guess I'm getting my haircut on Tuesdays now when we generally record something at your house.

Right, once a week. Yeah. Yes, yes. So that's happening. And because I am, well, weirdly, given that we're about to do a thing about names right now, I am overwhelmingly horrible with names. I think you've talked about this, yeah. Yeah, have I talked about this?

Yeah, they just gave you some random person. Yeah, yeah. So now when I book in, they go, who would you like to book in with? And I go, the same one. From before. From before, yeah. And they go, who's that? And I'm like the same one. From before. From before. Yeah. And they go, who's that?

And I'm like, you know. Crucial piece of information. The one. The one that I had last time. Yeah, her. Yeah. And then they go, and then they say the name and I go, sure. Yep.

Again, do not remember the name. They said, they literally said on the phone to me and I went, I really don't remember that name in any way. Yeah. So let's see if this is the right one when I turn up today. So yeah, very bad. Very bad work from me um here's some names i'll read out right now and instantly forget yep thank you very much to everyone who subscribes to uh our patreon who supports who keeps this thing afloat that keeps that gives mouth to mouth to this podcast every week oh

yes a bit of tongue stuck in in some cases. Thank you very much to everyone who does it in particular these people this week. All the names we can fit in before I go and get my luscious locks chopped off. Well, these are all people

that answered the, you know, I've got a wedding gift registry set up already and the only thing that's on there is the $10 tier of Patreon. Yes, right.

So thank you to all these people who are now coming to my wedding, who've answered the call and gone in there and, yeah, oh, there's just one thing on here. Well, that's easy. Yeah. Well, hopefully I'm not reading out a bunch of names that haven't chucked into the wishing well, you know, as done in my wedding.

Yeah. Well, and it's my wish for my wedding that half of all my gifts go to you. Oh, yeah. Great. Great. And none to my fiance. Yes. Thank you very much to Patreon supporter, subscriber, first cab off the rank this week,

Squeaky Wheel Edition, as we talked about the other week. I got really excited. I thought you'd started to read out the name and that we were about to hear from someone whose first name was Squeaky. No, no, no. Fuck. That'd be great. But we talked about Squeaky Wheels.

A few more people. Someone did what I asked. They emailed a screenshot of their Patreon page of when they subscribed. Yes. Very handy. Yes. No text in the email.

Yeah. Just the screenshot. Yeah. We've heard from plenty of them. So this is a bunch of them are coming up right now. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Thank you very much to Emily Draper. Oh.

Yeah. The first and squeakiest. Yeah, right. The first. Do the curtains match the dra match the Drapers? I guess I ask for Emily. I wish I had seen more of Mad Men because main character in that, Don Draper. Oh, yeah.

So I could maybe make some joke about this being his daughter. Oh, yeah. I don't know if he has a daughter in the show or not. Don Draper, you know, Emily Draper thinks of us all the time. We never think of Emily Draper. Yeah, great. Until now. Yeah, that's good.

Until now. That's good. Yeah. Well, you, yeah, I mean, that's why she had to be the squeaky wheel. Yes, exactly. Because you actively weren't thinking of Emily Draper. Yeah, we're in the lift. I listen to you every week.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think about your name. I don't think about your Patreon subscription at all. Well, now we do. Now we're very well aware. Recreating memes into an audio format is so good. Can someone make that up for us, please? Emily Draper, can you actually Photoshop yourself in the lift with both of us?

Yeah. And make that meme for us. Someone make that. Well, Emily has to do it because we don't know what Emily looks like. Who's that little fella Zane in our group who's always doing up some pretty... He's always hot on the memes. Yeah, he's a good one for the photoshoppery. He's also, you know, he can be...

He's the new other guy that's dropped off. Reid. Reid. Yeah. He's the new Reid Parker. Reid still dabbles from time to time, but this guy... He's got work to do. This other cunt's got new Reid Parker. Reid still dabbles from time to time. But this guy... He's got work to do. This other cunt's got nothing to do.

Zayn, I like that he can be as bombastic or as subtle as he thinks he needs to be. I think his best one he's ever done was a little while ago when we were talking about my cursed artwork. Yeah. And he found a screenshot of... Is it... I couldn't remember where... Is it from like Fresh Prince? Is it like jada

pinkett smith on she's in a scene with will smith doing something and it's where they first met right and like super out of focus in the background you had to look at it you had to look at it for like 10 minutes to even see i think i proved the post in the group and went i don't know what the fuck this is but I guess someone will comment. And then it took like a day for anyone to go, oh. This is spectacular. Yeah. You know, and he's fine with, you know, he's happy to just have it sit there. You know, you can come to this in your own time.

I'm not going to hold your hand. But then this Mad Men one that we're giving him the assignment of, I mean, this is all there. You know, this is, you know, he's got one for you, one for me. Emily, can you hit up Zane with a picture of you to put you in the elevator? No, what I'd prefer, Zane, look up Emily on Facebook and troll through her photos without her permission. And pick her hottest one if you can.

In your opinion, whatever you use, that's the one you think is the hottest one. Just so we know what you're into. Yeah, and do a pixelated version until she sees it and signs off and gives you permission to post her photo. And then you can come in with the uncensored one. Okay, all right. I wish someone collected all of our shittest requests over the years and weirdest ones just so I could know where this one ranks.

Yeah, there is. I've thought before about certain things that I would love to have a super cut of that I would go mad if I had to listen back through every episode and clip them out. But yeah, things like that. Anytime we've requested someone make something for us. If someone wants to make that their personal project, so then now this bit has to be in there as well.

Yes. Well, thanks, Emily Draper. Thanks, Emily. Look forward to seeing you meme style very soon with us in a little lift. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jane Downey. Jane Downey. Yeah. I was about to suggest that this should this just

be the meme edition where we try to turn every one of these names into some as long as you do them quick because i have got to be ticking i gotta be having my little head massaged and shampooed in that really disrespectful way where they think you haven't had a fucking you haven't washed your hair on the way to the hairdressers yeah it's weird isn't it yeah um of course if it's like not brushing your teeth on the way to the dentist yeah you do that i'm not going in with a fucking stinky well at least at the dentist and i guess this is probably also true of the hairdresser with the dentist they've got that like you know that fucking high velocity um brush and that industrial strength toothpaste that they you know they're actually they're actually doing the best of the best tools on you when they brush your

teeth, when you're in that chair. Yeah. And I guess it's probably the same at the hairdresser that they have some really high quality shampoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But still, it is a bit patronizing. Yes, yes, yes. And then it does become that thing of like when they do the head massage as well, you

know, they wash your hair and they do it. And the head massage is always, you know, at some point you're like, oh oh this is starting to feel a little bit erotic and i'm like do you need that with a haircut and especially when you're like because then there's got to be someone at some point that's gone at the end of a haircut do you guys do happy endings or what like you've done the whole rest of it yeah the one benefit of shaving your own head even though it is very like messy and annoying is that it removes the need to schedule in a haircut. Very annoying thing to have to do, I always found. Wedging it in your week somewhere.

You're just trying to get it done and then get on with your day. And so it's like, yeah, getting in the basement and getting the head massage. It's like, I don't need, can you just cut the hair? Just cut the hair and set me loose. I've got stuff to do. I've got to get out of here. I get it if you're you just cut the hair? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just cut the hair and set me loose. I've got stuff to do. I've got to get out of here.

I get it if you're a lady with long hair that has got a big thing to go to and you really give a fuck or whatever and it's an hour job. I don't think I need an hour to get my hair cut. I don't think so. Well, the end of my follicle career before I sort of gave up. Retired. Before I retired. Yeah.

You really would go in there and you'd... You hand it in, you notice. Yeah. And the hairdressers are sort of, God bless them, they're having to be very polite. You know, it's always that thing where you would feel like the hairdressers are like looking at what they're working with and going like, does he know?

Right. You know what I mean? It's like, you really do feel like... You sit there going, how many times is he going to come back in here? Yeah. Is this the... Yeah, totally. Yeah.

I had a hairdresser once later. That would be good if they just started like going – you know, doing that thing where they're transitioning into – we're not – hey, by the way, I was just looking at you and going, by the way, we don't just do hairdressing anymore. We also – we sell groceries too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you want to come back in here in the next couple of weeks

and, you know, get your milk and stuff like that, that that's also fine that's a good point actually because i did i did like the the last like barber i was going to i really liked it in there i liked the people yeah and then at a certain point it's like i'm just not going to see him anymore yeah i wish there was like oh yeah if i was if they did if they made coffee as well i would have just transitioned into like i'm just going to come here for my coffee every morning the ones that do the hand out the beers when you have your hair yeah yeah okay we're just a bar as well i would have just transitioned into like i was gonna say the one's gonna come here for my coffee every morning the ones that do the the hand out the beers when you have your hair yeah yeah okay we're just a bar as well yeah you just want to come back in here for the bar and we don't have to touch your head you can just sit here and chat with a mate over the sound of you can get your your bald head massage and get pissed while you're doing yeah yeah i had um i

had a hairdresser say to me once oh oh, this is brave. Oh, what? No. The first one that ever, because I was like, oh, I wonder at what point I'm going to have to, like, make my peace with just shaving my head. Yeah. And like I said, they were always very polite, very, you know, they would, they'd get a better, they would know more,

like they have a better view of if you're thinning than if you do. You know, they're getting the perfect angle. They've seen it all before. Yeah, but they would also have to be like well you know people have to you know arrive to this at their own you know at their own at their own point at their own speed it's not you know it's not for us to you know dictate but yeah well you don't want to chase business out the door well yeah exactly a friend of mine was thinning and he made the decision to shave his head morning of his wedding.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. What? And you obviously know what the bride's reaction was. Well, yeah. Well, I think it was just he had been getting shit for it, for his hairline from his brothers for a little while. Right.

And I think it was just like the, you know what? I'm about to go get the photos done. Then it's this big day. Yeah. I'm probably only a month or so away from doing this anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then forever I'm going to look back at those photos and go, ah, what was – I was fucking kidding.

Because I have that about photos of me with hair where I thought I was getting away with it, and you look back now and you're like, Jesus fucking Christ. So I sort of get it in that sense. But it was, like, they're such a good couple. I think I talked about the wedding. It's like fucking going out, you're making a test debut at cricket, and then you go, you know, I'm going to give lift-handed a go.

I talked about the wedding at the time because it was my friend Liz and I was having a drink with her and some other people and some other friends of mine came along and then she was like, oh, I'm going to – yeah, she left to go on a date and then she came back to meet up with us with the date, with this guy who she's now married to. And this was a first date. And one of the people that was there drinking with me was Milan.

And so Milan specifically got a shout out in the speeches. But anyway, it was a bizarre experience to turn up to this wedding, walk in, and, you know, they're all sort of there ready to go. This guy, he's standing there at the altar. It's like, oh, he shaved his head. Who is that guy? No, but it's also like, oh, he's having a breakdown. What is this, the second day of lockdown?

Oh, God, he's had a full breakdown the morning of the wedding. I'd love to know what the bride said about it all. Yeah, yeah. I've never, yeah, I think she was, I guess he'd flagged it with her, maybe. You would assume they discussed it. Fuck, I would love to know. Find out for me, please. Yeah, I should ask.

I should check in on that. There's one thing for him to do it, but the bride's the one that's like going, no, I want... Like, I care about the photos more than you. Yeah. Why the fuck did you do this without consulting me or whatever the fuck...

You know, whatever's going on. Well, I was talking to a friend about how I made some joke about how I want to blow out for my wedding and just be the fattest I've ever been. And he was like, I can't look at my wedding photos for that reason because I was just like, he got married relatively young. He was like never into his health or anything.

And then now he's like in good shape, but he looks back on his photos and he's a little porker. And I'm like, sure sure but i guess that's better than the alternative like when people get into the best shape they've ever been for their wedding photos yeah right and that's that's great for the photos themselves but then anytime you put on just a tiny little bit you're looking at that photo being like oh god you know you're constantly going to have like a reminder around the house of like the best you've ever looked. I know.

It's pretty stressful to me. I think at least you get to look back. It's like a trophy on a shelf. True. That's what I won before. Yeah. I guess I'd probably rather the before photo. I'd rather walk past every day and be like, yeah, I really got my shit together after that.

I'll never look that bad again. Yeah. As I did on the best day of my life. Yeah. Well, that's, that's, that's the,

um, that's the, what do you call it? The raw, the raw shank test. Yeah. The raw shark test. Yeah.

Yeah. Whatever it is. The raw shank redemption. Yes. That's it. That's it. No, I'm going to,

I'm going to pack it on for my wedding. And then day one after I'm going to start. Oh really? The honeymoon. I'm going to start. The honeymoon's at a fat camp. I'm going to be walking. Uh, I'm going to be standing there at the altar with a little sign across my crotch that says, Before.

Right, right. You're going to stand up your fiancée at the aisle to run off with Jenny Craig. Yeah. No, well, if she goes runaway bride style, I'll be incapable of catching her. Yes, you'd be. Because I'm 150 kilos. You'd be getting an Uber. Yeah, well, Jane Downey, not much of that was about you,

but that riff was all because of you. Thank you. Yeah, you've inspired that. We couldn't have done that without your name for some reason. Yep. Thanks, Jane, you squeaky little wheel you. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Christy Osborne. Sharon.

This is the one that's not in the show. Yeah, there's the one that's not in the show that we know about. This is the one that's not in the show that we don't know about. Oh, right. Yeah. So we talked about this recently, didn't we? Did we? I feel like we did.

Yeah, you're right. That is a funny level of like I don't want to be public, but I also do want it to be public that I'm not taking part in the show. Yeah. And then there's the other one that's like I don't even want to put out the press release that I'm not being involved in the public thing. Yeah. That's how underground I want to go.

Now, what do you think she thinks about not being you know in the osmans now because the other guys are all like super famous and whatever do you reckon she ever had a bit where she went actually you know what can we do can we get me in can we get me in the world now well it's funny because when that show started obviously people were like what the fuck is this this is such a weird thing that is happening in pop culture and now it's far enough away from the show that it's back to feeling like that you know what i mean right like you think about it and you go yeah remember when the remember when aussie osborne had a reality show so and and the one is so i'm looking it up now yeah there we go amy amy osborne and i'm looking at her And she's hot Okay

Why didn't she want to be on TV? This would have been good for her This would have been massive for her And then So she's the one Because she's also a performer Because she's the one that wasn't on the show that We do know about

Yes Right Man she's a good looking girl Jesus Christ That's weird Yeah Yeah and she's a good looking girl jesus christ that's weird yeah yeah and she's a singer it's also funny to like did they i guess did like i don't know did they have it was that show like in a fake house was just not in their house well we should ask i guess she'd moved out by that point yeah maybe she's older i don't know we should ask she

was just in the spare room the whole time yeah hey the film crew are coming around for eight hours yeah you're gonna have to just play the sims on your laptop yeah yeah yes yeah can you go can you go and do some errands yeah can you go and get the shopping done i wonder if it was like um the the show below deck which i'm sure your wife is a fan of, the reality show that's about people working on a super yacht. What I found out about that, because it's like people come on the super yacht and they're all like, you know, really rich people celebrating a birthday or whatever. But one of, anytime they're doing the show, one of the master bedrooms is off limits because that's where all the film crew are. So it's so funny that you book this yacht and like, you know, you want the best of the master bedrooms is off limits because that's where all the film crew are. So it's so funny that you book this yacht and you want the best of the best.

You're also excited to be on the TV, on this show, but you don't get access to one of the best bedrooms because the camera crew are all set up in there. So maybe that's what they were doing in the Osborne house. Not only are you not on the TV show, but they're using your bedroom to store all the camera equipment. Great. All the producers are just hanging out in using your bedroom to store all the camera equipment. Great. All the producers are just hanging out in there while you're trying to sleep.

Yeah. You know the thing, do you ever do this thing where you have an appointment and then you go, yeah, great. Yeah, that's at that time. And then I do not set an alarm or anything. I just memorize the time. Yeah, I've fallen. And then it's like you're on the way there and you look at it

and you're like, oh, that's now. Why did I invent that that was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did I dream a new time for myself? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like, no, no. I'm confirming, yes, I am supposed to be there in eight minutes. How far away is it?

A couple blocks. Okay. Not too far. Yeah, that's all right. At least that's – yeah, if it's – you, you only have to walk there, that's okay. Nothing can get in your way. Yeah, yeah. If you had to drive and then look for a park or get public transport, then you'd be really sweating.

Because any number of things can fuck you up. Yes. Well, Christy Osbourne, I mean, if the unknown Osbourne that didn't get on the show, that we knew about, but wasn't on the show, was that much hotter than the ones that did get on the show, Christy Osborne, I can only imagine how hot you are. Yeah, yeah. If that's the train of action, you must be an absolute 11 out of 10. By the way, so far, and I can't see the names coming up, we're 100% ladies. Yes.

When's this ever happened? I don't know. Damn. I'm not sure. I didn't even know we had three women that listened. Well, thanks, Christy. Thanks, Christy. Thanks, you hottest of Osbournes.

Even hotter than Aussie. By the way, just quickly. I never thought I'd say that. Just another thing I want to suck his dick bring up from the main episode yes I've never felt more attacked than when Danny McGinley

took me to task for using a dated George W Bush reference that was the worst thing that's happened to me in a long time yeah yeah

it's yeah it's funny and then yeah for a guy that gets on stage you know Smurfs t-shirt

and a suit jacket on top of that. Yeah, exactly. Pretty rich. Yeah. And George W., he's back in the zeitgeist. People have been resharing the meme of him getting whispered in the ear about the two towers going down. I don't care.

I always call it for data reference. I couldn't care less. But I always find it funny when you say something like, you know, the Beatles. And people go, I'm too young for that. It's like, it's all out there, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It all exists now. Everything's out there. Yeah.

You don't need to be experiencing anything live. Like, at some point, you are experiencing something that's been recorded. Yeah. But anyway, thanks, Christy Osbourne. Thanks, Christy. Christy. Christy. Christy.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Kathy Squeaky Fry. Squeaky's not a real name. Kathy Fry. Kathy Fry. Fry Kathy. I wonder if she's related to the main character from Futurama. French. Oh, sorry.

Yeah. I wonder if she's French. If she's related to someone called French. Yeah. No. The inspiration for chips. No, that's stupid. I was asking if she's related to someone called French. Yeah. No. The inspiration for chips. No, that's stupid. I was asking if she's related to a cartoon character.

Oh, sorry. If I had my time again, I would not have piped up like that. Yeah. That is, yeah, that would be great. Wow, 100% ladies. Yeah, that's it. Keeping the streak going. So far.

So far. Yes. Let's hope that after this, we get another one. Let's it. Keeping the streak going. So far. Yes. Let's hope that after this we get another one. Let's hope. Let's subtly plan in the back of someone's head. Do you think they're all going to sync up after this episode? Now that they've all been in the same Patreon read. I hope not.

Let us know. Then they'll get angry and make a rational thought like unsubscribing to this podcast. You're the one that brought it up. You did it. Oh, God. Don't fucking Jackie O me. I just brought up. Shut the fuck up.

I just referenced the beautiful process of menstruation. Don't Jackie O me. Fry. F-R-Y. That is, yeah, that's, I mean, look, here, if she's Australian, I mean, she should change her name to Cathy Chip, surely. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Cathy Potato Cake yeah Kathy she you know do like you do and chub it up before your wedding Kathy Wedge oh yeah nice I'm sure we've done this all before on the show but what is the

towards the bottom of my potato rankings is Wedge and I know you're you might the towards the bottom of my potato rankings is wedge and i know you're you're you might almost be the opposite of my potato rankings because you're a big fan of potato gems love a gem love a hash brown hash brown we're just we're just down the bottom for me oh okay yeah i could care less about a wedge um you've got food for idiots why. What is the origin of the wedge having, legally I assume, to be served with sour cream and sweet chilli? Why? Yeah, I'm not sure about that.

You never go anywhere where you just get wedges with any other dip. Where does that originate from? I reckon it's because it's a lot of potato in one go. I guess it's like it's so dense that you do need... Yeah, you need a... And like sour cream is tasty on things, but a regular fry in some sour cream, it's too thick. You're not going to be able to get it on there

without the chip kind of like just losing all of its integrity. Yeah, yeah. But I had potato gems the other day. Yeah, still towards the bottom of the potato family for Yeah. Still towards the bottom of the potato family for me. I like the coating. I like the texture. Didn't like any of it.

Really good. It came with like bacon bits and something. The loaded jimmies, I'm not a fan of. That's all I liked about it. Yeah. Where was this?

At a new Asian dessert slash breakfast place near my house that I thought my daughter would like to stop at because they advertise they had a lot of crepes and pancakes, which she is obsessed with. So you got loaded jams at an Asian dessert place. Yes, because they had. I took my daughter there for pancakes. Right. And then we ordered pancakes.

And 15 minutes later, after my daughter asked asked when are the pancakes coming out 10 times she came out and said we don't have any pancakes today and then i went okay then we will have whatever the next thing was which i can't even remember what it was now and then oh yeah cake and then 10 minutes later yeah we don't have any cakes okay so that was the last roll of dice don't kids love potato gems turns out no really yep yeah interesting you know what you know what i saw something in the supermarket yesterday that i think if i was a kid i would go off for um you can get like a at coles you can get like a chicken waffle yeah so it's like a schnitzel but in like a waffle shape yeah oh i reckon you'd be fucking having a right old time with that if you're a little kid.

Yeah. Yesterday I had a very long conversation with her about what we could make for her to eat because a lot of kids are fussy at that sort of age or whatever. Honestly, I reckon we had a 20-minute conversation about how we were going to cook a toasted sandwich together. Oh, yeah. And what we were going to do with it. And then this morning she woke up, hopped on the bed and went, do you remember our recipe from yesterday, Dad? When are we going to cook that sandwich? Oh, wait.

So you came up with the recipe but then didn't actually make it. No, no, because I was driving us to her nan's. Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then she's like, she remembered all of it. If you forget all right i remember the recipe for this sandwich like okay great have you done it yet

no because then she immediately went to school so okay it's it's more of a thing for for the weekend okay but i can't wait for her to recall this recipe for a sandwich yeah for a toasted sandwich yeah it's a bacon and egg sandwich, by the way. Mm-hmm. But she knows the recipe. Yeah. And I asked her what it was this morning and she said,

cook some bacon and then cook some egg and put it in some bread. Like, okay, you're going to have to remind me. I think that's, yeah, that's more cooking knowledge

than you have, from what I know. Well, not now because I just told you. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, she's teaching you. Yeah.

We're one all. You're doing a master class. Yeah. Well, thank you, Kathy Fry. Thank you, Kathy Fry. And now we just have one more. You got to go. I can hear them down the street firing up the razor.

Snip, snip. Kickstarting it. Yeah. Mr. Eddie, Mr. Edward Scissor Bum. Yep. That's something. Yep. Thank you very much to Patience. Oh, that wasn't the fifth name. No, no, no. Edward Scissor Bum Yep That's something Yep Thank you very much to

Patience Oh wait that wasn't the fifth name No no no Edward Scissor Bum Oh yeah yeah No no Thank you very much Oh damn

We've missed out on All five Oh really Yeah we've missed out on We nearly had all five We nearly had connect five Oh It would have been so

Good Unfortunately Oh why is this happening? Better be. I hope it's a good man's name. Thank you very much. If it's going to break the streak. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers.

Breaking the cycle. Breaking the cycle. Wow. Thank you very much to Edward Comedy Hands. Oh, yes. Worth it. Really worth it. Absolutely.

Okay. Yes. All right. Bye, everyone. Thanks, everyone. Good night.