The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 695 - Harley Breen & Brett Blake

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

This week we've got BRETT BLAKE in the room and HARLEY BREEN on Zoom for the huge announcement that they're both joining us for the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival 2024! We're brainstorming ways to get some Thai locals to listen to the podcast and scheduling our edible consumption for the four nights. PLUS Brett's got a new job as a tour guide and we take a trip down memory lane to his wild days hurling drinks at balconies in Perth. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Brett, Blake and Harley Breen. You have a few opportunities to come and see us live out there in the world. If you enjoy what you listen to today, you can come and see us in Adelaide, February the 24th. Huge live show over there. Correct. That's our 700th episode. Get amongst it. Then we're in Melbourne for four weeks in late March into April.

Then we're in Melbourne for four weeks in late March into April. And then we talk a lot about the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival on this very episode that is June 9th through to 14th. And it is five days of sun, sea, surf, and content, drinking, food. It's going to be the best. And there is – fuck all tickets left, Tommy. Yeah, so get on it. You know what? Don't even listen to the episode if you're interested at this point

because by the time this is out and people hear this episode, they're going to be booking those tickets. So get on it right now. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Brett Blake and Harley Breen. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. I'm with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. And joining us today, two very, very special guests. You know them. you love them. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Brett Blake and Harley Briggs.

Yeah. Welcome in, boys. How are you, legends? Yeah, we're good. Where are you? There's three of us in a room in Hawthorne, and there's one of you in a room in... In God's country is where I am. Are you in Perth, are you? I'm up where the Christians are

Christians. Men are men and women are women. That's where I am. This is like a reverse lockdown where we're in Melbourne all in the one room together and you're up in Brisbane isolating in a room by yourself. I love that. Yeah, but that's because I've got four million children. Yeah, I do

love that. Men are men are women and women. That's why you call your state Queensland, the gayest sounding state in Australia. Queenslander. Well, you guys, you watch yourselves, you Mexicans, because we'll jump in our broken Toyota Hiluxes and come down there and bash you. Also, you said we're men and men as you toke on a vape.

A Razzly flavoured cigarette. Good on you, champ. And do you like my little clip in my hair? Very nice. In fact, I just, because I've got very long hair, so I've got my hair up in clips and I was just on a cruise ship and a woman after I'd done the show the next day, she goes, hey, Harley, nice clips in your hair.

Do they make them for men? Oh, yes. What's the hardest part about wearing a clip? Telling your dad you're gay. Remember that one? That's a good one. Hey, Harley, I was telling Carly the other day about, I think you may have been present on this tour,

but it's an old story of Greg Fleet, RIP, doing a roadshow gig in, I think Bunbury and he's walking around before the gig and he sees these two guys and one of them Fleetie's wearing a little hat and one of them points at Fleetie and then nudges his mate and goes, hey mate, hey mate

that cunt has got some shit on his head. I used to drive. That's exactly what happened. He goes, yeah, that cunt's got some shit on his head. And Fleety goes, what a hat. And then the other guy goes, hey, buddy, rock it out with your cock out, Bumbrey style.

So those guys, if they had been on the cruise, you could have gotten a bit of, that cunt has got some shit in his hair. A rare occurrence of people meeting Fleety and being on more drugs than him. Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. I used to work at a removalist company

and every morning we'd drive the truck down Victoria Street. All right, mate, we've all got stuff going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jobs. And Victoria Street is a known heroin hotspot. So sometimes you'd see Fleety walking down there like with a cravat on or a big scarf, reading poetry from some Russian author or some shit.

And other times you'd just see him just crawling towards the traffic lights. Just two different versions of him. I was like, that's a comedy icon. One day I'll be him, hopefully. Both in the same day. Sometimes he's reading poetry. Yeah.

And other times he's creating the poetry. You see, that's the kind of muse Fleety is. Guys, we better keep this brief. We're doing this on Australia Day. I'm sure Brett's got to throw his flag on as a cape and get down to a picnic somewhere this afternoon. I've got a race ride at 1pm, so let's wrap this shit up.

I'm not even lying, I genuinely forgot that that's what today is, so thanks for bringing it up. In Queensland, really? I would have hated to have missed it. I haven't opened the front door yet. You don't know that because you're actually in a Woolworths recording that right now, so there's no mention of it in there.

It's the autistic hour where they keep the lights down and it's all quiet. Perfect for recording a podcast. Yeah, yeah. I'm just counting the rice. Hey, it's remiss of us to not mention this but congratulations You two are the remaining two guests

of the Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival 2024 Yes, we did it Four from four, officially for the big man This is the one guy that's been to them all I did think because I haven't been on a dum-dum for a little while, I did think maybe you were congratulating me on my four millionth child.

But no, it's on leaving those four children and coming to Thailand with you idiots. That's a real miracle. How the fuck did you get away with it? That's the reason why we chose you, Harley, because for me, as cover, when people say, oh, how come you're leaving your four year old to fucking go to Koh Samui it's like no no look at Harley look what he's doing he's leaving fucking four kids in my

defence Carl I haven't been to Thailand 55 times this year so doesn't matter Harley that's not going to stop him from throwing you under the tuk tuk once he gets there it wasn't a hard sell for me. Hey, Blakey, would you like to leave your campsite?

Absolutely. I would love to live in a house with a roof. That would be amazing. Yeah, we'll hop off and you'll be like, can I just sleep in the plane from now on? Can I just keep going back and forth? For the price of a site with gas, you can get a view of the beach over there.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. But Harley, you are... Well, we do have a... Carl, isn't this true? We do have a swim-up hotel room. Because that's what I'm excited about. I love swimming through Brett Blake's urine

so I can get to my bed. Hey, look, honestly, you know me too well. That's... Look, that's a surprise to Blake. He just thought that was a bath. He thought that's the bath for his room. I'm picturing the swim-up room. That's like the only way you can get there.

So when you check in and the guy's like, do you want me to take your bags to the room? He's got to like put on his swimming gear and his flippers. There's a famous hotel. It's called The Bounty in Kuta in Bali. And they have a swim-up bar and no one leaves the bar all day and just gets absolutely maggot. I saw some guy vomit himself off

a stool and then at 11pm at night another dude was just going down on a chick at the swim up bar. Sick. Hang on. Vomiting off the stool so that the force of the projectile vomit Yeah, the force of the vomit just sent him backwards and it just went up like a sprinkler.

It's like those guys in the ocean when they get those jet propelled in the water. Where they just go up in the air. He just did it from his face. Anyway, I'm off today, guys. Bye. To his room. Well, after we locked all this in and whatever, I then remembered, I then realised, you know when the last time we had Brett Blake

and Harley Breen on a pod together was, and went on a trip together? The greatest episode of all time. When we went to Heathcote in the middle of the pandemic and we all got way too excited and way too drunk before the show. And it might possibly be the least popular episode we've ever done. Yeah. We've also done one of the most popular episodes,

the Liquorland one together after the lockdown. So, you know, we got a 50% strike rate. So that's not bad. Yeah. And I would say for everyone in the room at Heathcote, this is a good sell for Thailand. It was probably their favourite live show ever, if they could remember anything that happened.

Except the guy that broke seven chairs. That's right. The audience were having a great time. All the people on stage were fully non-verbal by the time the show had started. So it was an interesting dynamic. We've really got to make sure we don't drink for six hours before we do any of the shows. Nah, not guaranteed at all. Alright, we better do all the shows at 9am.

We've invited the wrong people. Yeah, luckily I only have a 10-hour flight just before our first event, so I should get off tickety-boo. And also, the beers in Thailand are $2, so that should really ward everyone away from them. Well, Harley, you were saying you were planning on coming with us to the very first one that we did, and then you got a job covering the Soccer World Cup in Russia

and you said, so, you know, hopefully something like that doesn't come up again, which, yeah, good time to be taking money from the Russian government instead of coming to Koh Samui if that does come up. Yeah, I mean, there's a fair amount of reasons why I hope I don't get a corporate gig in Russia this time around. But you know what? I've got kids to feed. I'll go anywhere. Yeah, you will.

You're coming with us. And it doesn't even pay that well. Wait, hang on a second. He's getting paid? I said I have kids to feed, Carl. Well, bring them with you. There's a free buffet every morning. There you go.

You're not having to buy groceries for a week. You know what? I did just see a video of a Canadian guy that's relocated with his family to Thailand and he talks through his monthly bill and I watched it and went, hey, Hannah, do you want to come to the Little Dum Dum Festival in Thailand and then just stay there? Because it is ridiculous what he's playing over there.

Absolutely. I watch those videos every day, don't worry. I literally do. Oh, actually, you know, and also in case we were half worried don't worry I literally do oh actually you know and also in case we were half worried

that maybe we wouldn't be that drunk doing live podcasts in Thailand also another person we should confirm that's coming

more of an audience member than a performer is Milan so that adds something to the mix as well oh dear

yeah so it's going to be a big week my liver's already pre-started bleeding. Yeah, yeah. So that's good. Yeah, I don't have to

worry about going overseas and having some sort of cartel steal my liver. Milan's just going to destroy it. Yeah. No one will touch it.

Well, this is funny. When we first talked about us doing the Costa Mui International Podcast Festival again, it was great because I copped a phone call from a young Brett Blake

who went, fucking, are you doing the, you're doing Costa Mui again? Fucking hell. It was great because I copped a phone call from a young Brett Blake who went, fucking, are you doing Koh Samui again? Fucking hell, is this how I find out? I'm not fucking invited. And I go, Brett, you've spent four and a half years telling me nonstop you will never go to Koh Samui again. And then you go, oh, yeah, but I'll fucking come. I'm like, okay, right. Yeah, because you're telling a kid with ADHD there's going to be a party

on the other side of the world. I'm like, fuck, right. Yeah, because you're telling a kid with ADHD there's going to be a party on the other side of the world. I'm like, fuck yeah, let's go. And again, as he said, your priorities change when you're living in a campsite. Yeah, yeah. A few things have changed. Also, I'm painting this like you're officially invited. You invited yourself. I invited myself again.

Yeah, yeah. I'm four from four years inviting myself. Hey, listen, it's not that I ever miss an episode, but what's going on with you living in a tent? What's happening? What's going on? Oh, look. I mean, I'm up to date with everything, dum-dum,

but why are you in a campsite? But you listen so much that you kind of forget all the details very quickly. It's hard sometimes to get all the details together. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of callbacks. It's like watching Young and the Restless and tying all the storylines together and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Totally. Young and the Restless. So are the storylines together and all that sort of stuff. Yeah, I get it.

Totally. So are you still in a camp? No, no, no. I was living in a campsite, Harley, because I was between places, homeless, whatever. And I just decided just to live by the beach in a caravan. Why not? Go back to my roots. Fuck yeah.

The cost of living crisis has even hit the great Brett Blake. Jesus. Mate, it's hit campsites. Campsites used to be $18 for a power site. Mine was like $38. I was like, fucking hell, it's cheaper to get a house. Jeez, the amount of dicks you have to suck just to keep the lights on. Now, oh, well, Harley, you can answer this.

I think it's better to ask you this than to ask Brett this. So he was, Brett was homeless living in a tent. Now, oh, well, Harley, you can answer this. I think it's better to ask you this than to ask Brett this. So he was, Brett was homeless, living in a tent. No, sorry, it was a camper trailer. It's not a fucking tent, dude. I have some class. You called it a caravan before. It sure as fuck ain't a caravan. I know, I know.

Well, you've got to aim for the stars. Harley, when we got there, Brett had been cooking his dinner of sausages on the sandwich press and when we turned up, he said, oh, fuck, the sandwich press has just broken down. I don't know what I'm going to do now. The barbecue shat itself. So, man, I had a sandwich press there. It's got heat.

It works. Who cares? That's how a fry pan works. It just looks different. So what's worse, Harley? Can I ask you this? So that's where he was living in the middle of a storm and his half tent, half house was flying into the ocean when he was coming home from work.

That's where he was living. Now he's got a house, but he's living with a dum-dum fan. What's worse? What's the sadder situation? Well, I mean, I don't want to offend the great fans of this podcast that are going to be in close proximity to me in a foreign country, but I would be blown off into the ocean before living with one of them. But also, they're your fans.

They like you. No, no, no. A mate of the podcast who's also been to Coastal Movie, Josh Barnes, who you may know, runs a door. Yeah, yeah, Barnes. He's kind of a fan. He doesn't really like Carl, so we get along pretty well. We just shit on the great man for fucking four hours straight on.

Did you listen to the latest episode where he left his laptop in a fucking gym again? What a dickhead. Yeah, see, Carl, you're imagining you or I living with a fan of this podcast, but it's like the listeners hate us. They like the guests. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're a guest, that's a great thing to do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll treat great with nothing but respect. Yeah, Carl, your wife isn't even a fan of your podcast. No, no, absolutely not. But yeah, exciting, exciting stuff having you guys both over there. Also, before we crack on from that too much, it still feels like, have you actually got a house? It is confirmed. I've got a new house.

It's a big three-bedroom place. Because you have rocked up with a week's worth of laundry that's currently getting washed in my house right now. That's my rider. I rocked up. I said, man, I'll come over to your house, but as long as I can put some washing on. He just brought his bindle in.

That's so great. And you were late as well, which is why, because you were digging around your filth then trying to find your cum jocks so you could wash them at Carl's house. No, cumming in them so that he's making the load a bit more worthwhile. It's a very dense load. It's so bad. I'm literally going to have to find a bigger washing machine

to wash my washing machine in after this. Just hearing Brett in the laundry as we were setting up in here, just from another room hearing, let's see, quick wash. It truly was like an alien that's never looked at a washing machine before. What are you talking about? Every washing machine's different. You've got to figure it out. And also, there was a lot of dry socks in there.

So anyway, enjoy that. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Also, before we go much further on the pod, do you want to go and give yourself a whore's bath before we do any more of this? No, I've got a 45-minute cycle on, so we can wrap this shit up, because I've got two loads to get through.

You know what I mean? Oh, sure. We're going to need to take an interval. Yeah, yeah. We need an interval so I can switch. Well, of course you do. This is the famous six times a day wanker, so I'd imagine you've got a lot of stuff to get through.

Yes. Mate, I've quietened got a lot of stuff to get through. Yes. Mate, I've quietened down in my old age. Only four. Oh, wow. Yeah. Here he is. Yeah.

And you've got a new job, Blakey. This is what I love. Oh, mate. Can we talk about this? Yeah, yeah. You're starting a new job tomorrow. I'm starting a new job tomorrow. I'm starting a new job tomorrow, and I was kind of told what the job was and what it is is two different things.

Okay. So, you know, I can drive trucks and stuff, so I was told there's a job. I was told you were the top, and the other people are going to be the bottom, but it's the other way around. Is that what's going on? Yes.

It's today's Pommy Johnson. Yeah. So I was told I was driving. You were told you were driving a truck, and what's happening is someone's running a train. Yes. It's today's Pommy Johnson. Yeah. So I was told I was driving You were told you were driving a truck and what's happening is someone's

running a train into my arsehole. I was told I had to put my penis into the glory hole but turns out it was my mouth.

So yeah, very different energy now. You just end up docking with a guy you've never met. This is what Australia Day is all about.

Telling your mates that they get fucked by a lot of people. Why wouldn't you want to come to Thailand where you can hear this live instead of just on the train in your earbuds? Imagine doing this in a bar that you can just piss into. This is sick. Yeah, exactly. Why wouldn't you want to fly nine hours to hear this uncut? It's worth it, guys.

Imagine being able to get pink eye while you hear this episode. Man, imagine if 90% of your fans just got chlamydia from the same swimming pool. That would fucking rule. The new pandemic. Wouldn't be the first time. Yeah, I was told I was driving a bus full of tourists down to the Great Ocean Road.

And I was like, oh, yeah, I can drive a bus full of people down there. Sweet, not a problem. And I went on like a trial and there's a guy who drives and then there's a guy who talks and tells you all the facts and shit. And I'm like, yeah, man, this is easy. I can do that. Turns out that wasn't the normal situation. Turns out I'm a tour guide now

so you're on mic i'm on mic right and i've got a and i did a trial i watched one yesterday and had to drive the bus only so i've got to know facts about melbourne about anglesey about the great ocean road how it was built i've never read a fucking book in my life. And I'm just going to be on the microphone. Just cue Brett Blake talking about Melbourne and Anglesey, but just going, anyway, where I grew up in Perth, it's kind of like this. No. Well, I've only got one story about Anglesey,

and it's how I got a blowjob in the motel room. But anyway, I don't know if I should bring that up. Anglesey's one of the first towns you go through too, so you're really using up your best gear early on in the drive I'm out of shit And then you've got to talk about the Twelve Apostles or something I don't know anything about that That's great

Well, my folks have got a holiday house in Anglesey I can bring that up Yeah, my mate Carl's parents have a house down here You can point at it on the way It's just up that hill This is the Great Ocean Road lawn That's the site of Tommy Daslow getting engaged three weeks ago. So sneak that into the tour.

Hopefully there's some Dum Dum fans aboard. Yeah, they might love this. The only way this will be handy will be if it's a Dum Dum reality tour, which is not a bad idea. You need to make your own banner and just stick it onto the side of the bus before your first shift. The real Brett Blake presents the Dumbbell Reality Tour. I was actually thinking

about ringing Dave O'Neill and just putting him on speakerphone. You know what I mean? Because he knows everything about every town. Well, he's got a house down there.

He's got a house down there too. Well, now there's four facts I know. You can't wait to tell him I know three people who live here. You've just turned it

into the Hollywood star's house tour but there's only like all you have is Dave O'Neill's address. Yeah, yeah. Just drive past there. Eight Z-grade celebrities.

This is where they live. This is a good tour. I'd go on this tour. You could drive past my ex-wife's house and we could all look at my old car. Fuck, this actually does sound like a good tour now. good tour now. I love this. You're the tour guide and you're going down

the Great Ocean Road and you look like this and all the people in your bus are going to be Asian tourists. It's going to look like some sort of hate crime.

You driving past someone and just yelling into a mic and just yelling louder and louder so that the Chinese people can understand you. Oh man, I hope none of them speak English.

That's my only way I'm going to get through. There's no way they will. No, there's a good mix. You barely do. You're probably closer to Mandarin than English most of the time. Konnichiwa. Anyway, that's Japanese, but I've got a diverse palate. But no, no, the tour company I'm with, because they're very Australian,

so you get a mix of Americans, German, even Australians on there. It wasn't a heavily Japanese crew or Chinese crew. Because what I'm thinking the risk is more like, you know, anytime you meet an American person, for example, that doesn't have much familiarity with Australia, they'll be like, ah, do you all have kangaroos as pets? Or it's like they all think that everyone in Australia

is just this huge yobbo. And we're always kind of pushing back against that. And then we get these tourists in and it's like they're going to see what the real Australia is like, that we are a diverse people. And then they get Brett and it's like, well, bias confirmed. Anyway, let's do a burnout in this bus. Finger to chick down there. Anyway, me mate fucking put a ring on his missus finger over there.

And they're like, fuck, we got Crocodile Dundee on meth. Fuck. Hey, I'm taking that as a compliment. Yeah, that's a five-star tour. Yeah, that's exciting. So that starts tomorrow. So you've got 24 hours to bone up on the history of Australia, Great Ocean Road, Melbourne, everything.

How far down the Great Ocean Road? You go all the way to the Twelve Apostles. It's a big drive. And on the way back you go through, what's that town, Colac? And the only thing I know about Colac is I've died three times there. Worst town in Australia. Yeah, fucking Colac sucks. Every time I do a comedy gig there it's the fucking worst.

So I can't wait to bring that up. Just spitting fire in the mic. It says you have to stop and call. I'm fucking driving through that town. Fuck it. So they haven't given you a script or bullet, but you're just freestyling. I think they've sent me something.

I haven't read it yet. And you've got your little headset on while you're driving. Sorry, you're the tour guide, but you're also driving. This will go well. Man, you know what's good for but you're also driving. This will go well. Yeah, yeah. Man, you know what's good for driving large vehicles? Distractions. Oh, especially on narrow roads that twirl around on S-bends every five seconds.

Yeah, yeah. And the bus is, like, so fucking wide. You've only got an inch each side. So, yeah, I can't wait for... Anyway, you'll hear it on the news tomorrow night anyway if it goes wrong. No, guys, just wait here. I'll be 15 minutes. I've just got to chuck some laundry on at my mate's house,

and I'm going to come back and get it when we come back around. I'm going to put a load on at Dave O'Neill's house. When I come back from Colac, I'll pick it up. Oh, wow. I mean, you're laughing, but I can hear it's nearly coming to its spin cycle. So, you know, let's wrap this stuff up. I'm not doing anything tomorrow. I might go on this tour.

I've never seen the Twelve Apostles either. Man, if you want to hear some real bad facts about melbourne man one of them i'm like we drive past carl's comedy club i'm like there's a comedy club there oh and if you go in there you get yelled at by a very angry man so yeah nice okay okay that's a that's a half truth um you actually you maybe you could tell this story blakey i made a note of this Because you told me this story the other day And I was like, fuck How have we never heard about this? Tell us about you

Was it you in Perth Getting not let into a nightclub Or getting kicked out of a nightclub With your mates I know that's not narrowing it down Yeah, yeah, yeah I was like, what? His whole upbringing?

The one time it was funny, though Oh, is this the New Year's one that I told you? Yes. Right, right. This one sucks, but it's kind of funny. So in Perth, in Freo... Oh, I may have to tell this on the tour guide tomorrow. This is getting me ready for it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So in Perth on the weekend, we always used to go to Fremantle, and they had this nightclub there. It's called Metro's Frio. And then across the road, they had Hungry Jack's, which was a notorious fight spot as well. But one year, it was a big thing. New Year's, if you could get a ticket to this nightclub,

it was like there's only 300 tickets for sale. It was a big deal. It cost hundreds of bucks. So we're all geared up for a big night, and we go to walk into this nightclub and it's two stories. And as I'm walking in, a guy from the top of the balcony sees me and my mates and just thought he'd be funny. And back in the day, like illusion shakers were a big popular thing.

I don't know if they're popular in Melbourne. Had all that coconut milk in and shit or whatever. So we're walking in. It seems like a very Perth drink though. It seems like it should be probably pretty huge still. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably, yeah. Red Bull vodkas are seems like it should be probably pretty huge still. Yeah.

Red Bull vodkas are still a big thing over there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So as we're walking into the pub. That doesn't shock me at all, except it's a mother vodka over there. Man, they have mother vodka on tap in a bar I went to in Perth. Of course they do. That fucking rules. Just get it into an IV.

Just cut out the fucking glassware, you know? And we're walking in there. We're like 19, 20. We're like, this is going to be the best New Year's ever, there's going to be so many hot chicks, I can't believe we got tickets, it's going to be the best night of our life, you know, it's going to be so great, you know, back in the day we had red Mitsubishis ready to go as well, so we're geared up for a big one, and as I'm walking in, second story, this balcony, this guy, and I don't see it, i'm walking in second story this balcony this guy just and i don't see it he drops an illusion shaker off the side and this is at nine o'clock at night it just hits me i'm covered in like that

green coconut shit and i'm like i'm fucking losing my mind so i'm like fuck you like i started yelling you would look like a little ninja turtle yeah i lost my mind and then i go to walk in and the bounce and i show him the ticket so you're not in yet i'm not in yet i'm outside of the building I lost my mind And then I go to walk in And the bouncer And I show him the ticket So you're not in yet I'm not in yet I'm outside of the building And the bouncer goes

Mate I'm not letting you in And I said why not I got a ticket And he goes Mate if I let you in You're going to get in a fight With that guy straight away I was like

No No I'm not I was like fuck He's read this book well And I was like So i got me and my mates then couldn't get let in so i was so pissed off and then i as i walked back i was like yeah i started yelling at the guy i was like good one fuckhead he's like yeah good on you you can't get in your dickhead and i just i just see red and my mates like don't and i was like oh i am

so i ran across the road to the hungry jackss, and I said, oh, can I get two large Cokes, please? And bought two large Cokes and just ran back and just pegged both of them at this guy that was sitting on the balcony and just hit him in the head. Like a virgin Molotov cocktail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the bouncer at the front door goes... And how did your dad take that?

Yes. And the bouncer at the front door goes, see, I knew you'd do something fucking stupid. Well, here we are. I love that this guy who's in the venue that does that, there's no repercussions for him. No. He doesn't get kicked out.

But there's like 300 people in there and it's a crowded balcony if you ever get to see the place. So it's like it's hard to narrow who it was. But I could see who it was. It was a guy laughing with his mates. It wasn't so funny now, was it? Fuck it.'s man you could have turned freo into a nanny state because you know you get you know someone uses like a car as a missile like in melbourne or whatever and they start putting up all bollards yeah all of a sudden you've turned a large

coke into a bomb and it's like fuck all right no one gets soft drink in perth anymore yeah it could be like yeah you go to singapore and it's like you can't have chewing gum and apparently it's because people were sticking it over the train ticket things and it delayed. So there's like, yeah, that could be a thing where it's like, man,

Perth is like, it's the weirdest city in the world. It's the only place where Maccas and Hungry Jacks aren't allowed to sell Coke and it's like, why is that? What is the origin of that? In the future,

there'll be some little bogan from the outer suburbs of Melbourne doing a tour around Perth and going, man, have I got a story for you. This is the reason why you can't have soft drink. This is the reason why everyone has to drink directly out of the tap from now on. I would love to see if it was a tour of Perth. I reckon I'd be a great tour guide operator because I could do a tour of all the nightclubs I've been knocked out in. Well, you started that story. The Moulin Rouge Tavern, Hillary's Bone Harbor.

Have you actually been knocked out in a nightclub before? There's a great one that me and my mate still have a yarn about. So it was outside of a nightclub. But all four of us got knocked out. It was the most insane. Did you all hit each other at the same time? No, no. So it's so crazy.

What was her name? It was my dad again. His dad's a woman. Comedy's so easy. It's fucking easy. Post a movie. June 9 to 14, watch this live. Yeah, you can hear this.

You can pay $600 to hear this imagine listening to this pissing in a pool the best we're going to do a special 5 month anniversary reunion of this episode we're going to

do the entire thing from front to back in front of everyone maybe we could relive it we could get someone one of the dum dum fans on a balcony I can throw a coke at her

yeah yeah yeah one of you guys can knock me out on a balcony. I can throw a coke at her. One of you guys can knock me out. There's a great one. See if you live on stage can hit someone in the head with a singer bottle. That would be great. I reckon I can do it. Violence is stupid, but we were young and dumb and whatever. You're 18 sometimes.

Yeah. So we're at the Malaloo Tavern, which is an awful pub. And my mate gets in a fight on the dance floor with this dude and this guy gets kicked out of the pub obviously because they've been in a fight and he started it right and then about an hour later me and four mates we're all drinking and we're like all right we'll move on to the next venue so we go to walk down this staircase and the guy that got kicked out and was for starting a fight with my mate just runs out of nowhere and coward punches him in the in the side of the head and knocks my friend out like stone cold rigor mortis goes flat and then i see this and i don't react well so i punch him in the

side of the mouth and i knock him out oh straight away so there's two people knocked out but then no no he keeps going no i know we know the end of the story everyone's knocked out and then yeah and then i don't see his mate his mate punches me and then i'm knocked out and then my mate punches his mate so there's like the bouncers are just like fuck there's like eight knocked out people yeah you're doing you're doing their job for them yeah yeah and i don't remember, I've just been knocked out. The next thing I remember waking up and I'm running down the road in shoes that are way too big for me.

So what had happened was I had to ask another mate who was conscious. I got knocked out of my shoes. What? Yeah, when I fell down the stairway, my shoes came off. And then because the cops were coming, I ran and grabbed shoes. Was this nightclub in Toontown? Is this in the middle of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? He had to wear those stupid leather shoes, and I think they're a size too big for me.

Do you remember having dyslexia before this night? Because this does explain a lot. No, no, no. I had it well before then. I thought he'd just been doing a shift as a clown doctor. But then I've grabbed, I haven't grabbed my shoes. I've grabbed the other guy whose shoes, his shoes must have come off as well.

And I've just grabbed two shoes and I'm running down the road to get away from the cops in the other guy's shoes. And did you just keep the shoes? Meanwhile, he's walking around like a Japanese geisha. Well, that's how you settled your differences. You were fighting, but then you walked a mile in the other man's shoes. I didn't realise that.

That was a good call. I liked that, mate. Well done. Brett, I liked your intro to the story about throwing the Hungry Jack's Coke. You got very excited and you said, I'll be able to tell this on the tour. I can't wait to see how you work that story into you being parked out the front of the 12 apostles.

I'm dying to know how you thread that story into the Great Western Road. Well, I've got it for you, Blakey. You could say there used to be 12 of these until I got pissed off and I threw a large coke at them and now there's only three apostles left. Yeah, I knocked out four of the apostles. And now there's only three apostles left. Yeah, I knocked out four of the apostles. Some of those apostles spilled a Midori shaker at me.

Speaking of eight things that are stiff and don't move, anyway, I was at the Mullaloo Tavern, and four of my mates got knocked out in a row. Yeah, I like that. It's just the things that you're seeing. You see these beautiful natural wonders. You don't need the full backstory. You see them and then it's a jumping off point to a completely unrelated story that's very entertaining. Absolutely.

If you're from another country, you get to see all the crazy stuff that you wouldn't see at home. But why do you need to hear it? There's no good stories about the five apostles or whatever it is. You want to hear proper good Australian stories. That's when I travel. I want to hear from the people that live there. I want to hear what their lives are like. The guy said, he said, look, make sure you add like a personal touch.

I was like, don't worry, I will. And I said, I've already, and he goes, you know, if you've got any stories like, you know, about the drive, I said, oh, I've already got a great one. Like, cause you know, one of the, I think now near Anglesea, it was a whaling station. My pop used to be a whaler back in the day, which is not great. But my pop never used to kill the whales, so don't worry.

His job was to stand. He sounds like a shit whaler. Yeah. No, his job was to stand on the back of the whale and shoot the sharks with a shotgun. What? Yeah, yeah. So the sharks used to try and grab the whale. And so, yeah, don't worry.

My pop never killed a whale. He just used to shoot sharks. Don't worry. Don't worry. My pop never killed a whale. He just used to shoot sharks. Don't worry. Don't worry. My pop was all right. He didn't kill this fish. He killed all the other fish. And you're bringing this up.

This is a job interview that you're bringing this story up. And I tell the tour guide, he goes, yeah, I wouldn't say that one. I wouldn't leave with it. I'd open with the getting sucked off in the trailer park one. And from those humble beginnings, look at where the Blake dynasty has arrived. Right. Right. That's great.

Yeah, because that will be part of it. You will be looking for whales, and your story will be, can you see the whales out there? Oh, yeah. Yeah, my pop used to stand on them with a gun. Yeah, this is Toontown. See, he's standing on the back of a whale. So when they used to drag.

Holding a shotty. When they used to catch whales, if's standing on the back of a whale. So when they used to drag... Holding a shotty. When they used to drag whale... When they used to catch whales, if you look at the old photos, the whale is kind of half on and half off the boat and they used to be towed back into the shore. Now, when they were towed off the shore, so basically, like, there's blood in the water,

so obviously there's sharks. And the sharks used to just swim up and take big chunks out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So one of Pop's jobs was to stand on the whale while it was being towed back in. I had in my head a bit of like a Free Willy situation

where he's just like riding this thing around in the open. With a shotgun. With a shotgun. No, no, no. It's a lot worse than your imagination.

Don't worry. If someone can do this, if someone can draw or Photoshop a picture of Blakey steering a whale with a shotgun, I would really like to see that on socials.

If it's good enough, I'll get it tattooed. I'm picturing like in Donkey Kong Country when you're riding the swordfish around. That's what I kind of had in my head of Papa Blakey. I'll get that image of Brett Blake on a whale with a shotgun tattooed on me in Thailand live on Snapchat. There we go. Now people are buying tickets, aren't they?

And you know what? You know where we can hire the tattoo artist from? There's a tattoo shop called Tattoo69. Hell yeah. Nice. Great. Can I draw this up? I can't wait to get syphilis.

We had a listener, maybe the last one, got a tattoo of a drawing that I did of me and Carl on his chest, I think. On his arm. On his arm, yeah. So I'm itching to design another tattoo for someone over there. It was fun going in and doing the drawing and the tattoo artist looking at it and going,

really, this? And me going, yeah. Who did this? I'm like, me. Me. I drew it. Oh, you watched it all, didn't you? Yeah, I went in and, yeah.

Don't you have a dolphin with tits on it as well on your leg? Yeah. Just to confirm. Oh, I could draw your dad fucking hot dog in the tits of the dolphin. Oh. I could get that added on there. That's great. So, yeah, we're going there, what, five nights?

Me and Brett Blake are staying on – I mean, we're going a few days early with Milan to go to Bangkok for a couple of nights, and then at the end of it, we're staying in Samui one more night. When the festival finishes in the morning on the Friday, everyone else shoots out of town. Me and you stick around. And I have just... Great.

Again, you're using me to justify you being away from your child. Yes. Even though for almost half of it, I'm not even fucking around. Yeah, I don't think he's run this past his wife yet. Oh, man, this bit is definitely not going past my wife because what's happened is we've got for one night in Koh Samui after the festival, after work has finished for the week,

we are now staying in a crazy fucking huge hotel villa, me and you. I've bought it for the two of us. It's got a huge pool just for us. Two bedroom, two story. It's fucking massive. You know what got me over the line? It's got a washing machine. Yeah.

No, I'm paying. That's what got you over the line. That's true as well. And I cannot tell my wife because it's like, you know, when we go traveling or whatever, it's always a bit like, oh, you know, we better not spend too much money. I've gone fucking full on with this villa and it's not for my darling wife. It's for me and Brett Blake hanging out. Yeah, but your angle could be like, he's had a tough time.

He was camping, you know. Oh, yeah. Spoiling. Terrible thing you're doing here. He's living with a listener of my podcast. I mean, come on. You can't get any worse than that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. I'll sort him out. I'll stay with him for a night. That'll be much better. No, it's going to be, yeah, so we were in a fucking crazy resort for one night just to,

it's like, it's funny because in my head I'm like, oh, this would be good just to chill out. And then I remember, oh no, it's with Brett Blake. Even on your nights off, you'll have fucking 15 beers. Yeah, that's a quiet night. Yeah, yeah. No, but I'm, man, I'm excited because there's a pool. We can have a party.

Milan will be there. We can get people over. Yeah, yeah. Fucking trash to join. It's your credit card. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Fuck, that's right.

Harley, have you got any experience in... All right, change my flights, Carl. Have you got any experience in Southeast Asia, Harley? Well, the last time I went to Thailand was for my honeymoon for my first marriage. How did that go? Well, I don't have a fucking car.

So I've had a little bit of time. I've only been to Thailand once and that was back in 2004. Yep. So I'm looking forward to being back there and having some triggers. And then the rest of the time I've spent over there has been Bali to be honest I've only been there a couple of times I'm a little bit of a

South East Asian virgin and how much have you agreed to how much have you agreed to come on this trip with us was fuelled by the fact that at the time of recording, marijuana is legal in Thailand? Oh, yes.

Well, so I said that to Carl when we were talking about whether or not I could make this happen with the volume of children I've got. And then I was like, yes, it's legalised over there. It's like you're allowed to have it. And he goes, well, at the moment. And so now all of a sudden I've been consuming a lot of Thai news trying to see what my chances are.

And I think we'll scrape it in. Yeah, I believe that too. I've been watching some videos where people are like, yeah, nah, it's going to be allowed by then. They're not going to crack down too hard. So I'm pretty confident. I'm pretty confident that you boys... I was going to say, I'm looking forward to trying to smuggle more of it out in my mouth

and having a panic attack on a plane again. That's going to be really good. Did you hear about that? Well, I looked at my flight back, Blakey. Well, yeah, I've heard Blakey's story about that. And I was like, it's not... When I heard it, mate, I went, that's not the dumbest thing I've ever heard at all. In fact, I would do the same.

And I'm looking at it. So I've got to do a flight from Thailand to Singapore, not known for a place to take drugs into. But then I've got the big eight hour from their home. So that means I've got to get all of that weed consumed on the first two-hour flight and then navigate Singapore airport, which is a pretty chilled out place. I've since figured out what I did was, I mean, obviously incorrect, but you don't, so you

don't, you don't need to like put the drugs in your mouth before you go through customs because it's legal when you get past security because it's still legal in the country and it's legal when you're in the air to have it on you. It's only illegal when you land into the Singapore so you don't have to put heaps of it in your mouth beforehand as I found out

That's what you did, you put edibles in your mouth This might shock you This might shock you Brett but I'm probably not going to take my legal advice from you about Singapore. I'm going to look into take my legal advice from you about Singapore. I'm going to look into that. Yeah, I mean, do your own research. That's up to you.

You should detour the tour bus past the airport just so you can tell this story as well. Oh, yeah. The thing that got me when you put the edibles in your mouth to go through customs was you put them in to go through the x-ray machine. Like there was fucking bones or metal in those edibles. No, but I think they check everything there. That's where they do the searches and stuff. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. Look, I made a lot of bad decisions.

Number one was putting the edibles in my mouth. Number two, listening to Milan saying it was a good idea. Yeah. Number three, not spitting them out. Yeah. Number four. Well, that was the shocking bit is that we were in the bus just pulling into the airport,

and Milan pulls out this full absolute bucket of edibles and going, yeah, we're just going to, I'm just going to put these on the plane and take these home. I'm like, oh my God. I've just, you were so close to going to jail. And I've had to go, you have to not do that. He's like, fucking hell. And just like, he just panics.

And then Blakey's like, I'll have some. Yoink. Yoink. But technically you were wrong, Carl. So it was your fault. Yeah, yeah. You could bring those edibles through customs. That's fine.

And you can take them on the plane. That's fine. No, he was not going to consume a bucket of edibles on the plane. He was bringing them home. You can't land in Australia with them. Duty free. Yeah. No, it's okay, guys.

I bought it in Thailand. It's the tax-free opal of Thailand. Now, that would be amazing if you two were... You and Milana are sitting in, like, two seats there, and it's like you just wake up to that idea on the Qantas flight. It's just about to land in Melbourne, and it's like, no, this is illegal unless you consume them all on the plane, and then it's just you guys putting fucking fists full of edibles,

just as we're pulling into a telemarine. Many dumb things happened that day, but also I legally have a script for marijuana in Victoria so at no stage was it illegal for me. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Oh, so you could have actually done it? Yeah, yeah. Really? Like bringing it back in?

I don't know. You've got to get medical marijuana so I don't know whether it's just free range or whatever but I'd say there would be something. No, you can't get a prescription, Blakey, and then get your stuff sent to you, which I also have, and then grow your own weed and put it in those containers. That is not something that you're meant to do.

Look, once again, I'll have to do it in a reason. It's not a bad way to come around this. I don't know if you're right there, Harley. I'll have a go. Fucking with drugs and Thailand is just something I wouldn't be if you're right there Harley I'll have a go fucking with drugs and Thailand is just something I wouldn't be like

leaving to the fine print it's like jumping off the roof of a house and going if I land head first how much damage would this do oh it's only 10 feet

or 8 feet I'm not sure I think I learnt my lesson when I had a fucking panic attack in a Thai airport after consuming four times illegal

fucking whatever the fuck it is I do love the idea of that Harley like the cops coming around and you've got this warehouse and they open it up. I do love the idea of that, Harley. Like the cops coming around and you've got this warehouse and they open it up and there's all the lamps and there's just like plants as far as the eye can see. Full SWAT team there and then you're just there with the prescription,

ah, ah, ah, boys, I have anxiety. And I have to smoke something out. I've got macular pain and I can't sleep. Checkmate. You guys pointing these guns at me is not helping my anxiety. No, Blakey was so freaked out in the airport. Something happened that's never happened before or since. Literally, I was sitting there and I went, where did Blakey go?

I haven't heard from him in like two hours. And then I looked next to me and Blakey had been sitting next to me for two hours. Like, that's never happened before. One other a full green out before Harley this was like four levels down from that and I just man this is how fucked I was there was a free open bar and I didn't consume that is not the silent part it's not the problem yeah it's like there was a free pool gym beam I still think about it. This is such a great idea that Tommy and Carl are taking us to Thailand where it's legal. This is going to be a great podcast with you and I just greened out.

I know. Just on a jet ski. On a really slow jet ski. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'll wait to, you know, just send me the schedule. I'll have my edibles afterwards. Man, yeah, I was going to say, we really actually just send me the schedule. I'll have my edibles afterwards. Wait, man.

Yeah, I was going to say, we really actually have to plan out what time these shows are going to be on and what you guys are allowed to consume and at what time. 8 a.m. Yeah. Well, the good thing is the other guests are Danielle Walker and Cam James, who aren't like fucking crazy party animals. So at all states, there might be quite a few podcasts with only two guests on. With two absentees.

Yeah, yeah. And two people just... Just me and Blakey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. And the other two are in the Thailand library being nerds.

Yeah, I am looking forward... I'm looking forward to getting on a little... I'm not... I've never really gone in on the edibles or anything like that. Man, edibles...

I'm looking forward to a little post-show. If you get them right, you're you'd have the best day ever just you don't go too high you just stay in that middle chain you just keep topping up and you just have the best time ever okay but if the problem is when you go i just made a massive batch of my own edibles and like turned out with way more than i thought i was going to get. And fortunately for me with my four children, they're just very bright pink in the shape of little bats in tiny little plastic bags. So they're of no interest to my children.

I don't have to constantly try and hide these things that have to be refrigerated. It's really good. They have to be refrigerated. Okay. On the plus side, when you leave to go to Thailand, you can just give them a cookie each and they won't know you're gone for a week. They'll come back and they'll just get out of their fog.

I had this weird dream where Dad just disappeared for a week for some work trip that brought in no money. Can you send some down for my kid? That would be great. Yeah, absolutely. That I can use four times a year. Great. Awesome.

Where should we, because we've, so the resort that we're in, the stay, the home of the Costa Muerte International Podcast for 2024. Yes. Selling, nearly sold out. Yes. At time of recording. We're doing this about, yeah, a few days before it drops. A very small handful of rooms left. Yeah.

Do you want to get into this, the thing that you told me about the layout of the resort? I'm not sure. And the number of rooms there are? Oh, right. Do you want to talk about that? Yeah, sure. We've nearly sold out the whole resort except for two rooms. That's amazing.

Which we do not have access to because there are two people that live in those rooms. Yeah, yeah. We didn't know. So the whole hotel is booked out for us except for two normal people residents that are just going to have to put up with – The worst week of their life. Yes, absolutely. And not being able to go to dinner every night because the whole space for dinner is booked out for us to do live podcasts. Speeches.

Yeah, for our speeches. Corporate presentation. That's the other thing, Harley. We're going to need to get polo shirts made up from like a fake company because the resort think that we're on a corporate retreat. Yeah, that's right. So because they didn't really understand what we're doing, I sort of went, okay, we're a company

and we're having corporate speeches every night, some speeches and presentations every night, and that's why we need all the audio equipment. Maybe we can just say we're from Brett's tour tour bus company oh yeah and then the logo could be me on a whale with a shotgun yeah we actually we do need to think of it between now and then we do need to think of a company name some sort of reference we need to cover yeah yeah yeah and and that'll be our merch for the tour maybe maybe that's an idea i could I could hire a tuk-tuk and drive people around and give them a tour of...

Oh, man, I would love that. I mean, I should be doing that. Yeah, I'll drive. You can do the speak. Yeah, yeah, great. So do you know how big a tuk-tuk is? Like, we're going to have, like... The tours are going to be of one person.

There's going to be one person that gets to be on the tour. And not me, because I won't fit in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine seeing this, like, Imagine seeing this group of us and podcast listeners and then just being like, what company is this? What workplace could this possibly be?

Who the fuck is in charge of HR? Because they are doing a shit job. I always think that when you're on a tour with comedians and you're all walking down the street, just imagine people seeing you being like, how the fuck are these five people friends? What's the link here?

How do these four people know each other? Oh, they all find cum jokes funny. Oh, there's the link. That's the answer. Yeah. Yeah. But we'll come up with a good fake company. And so, yeah, we're going to be there taking over the resort for a week and basically,

yeah, invading these two people's homes. Yeah. Yeah. The first person to spot. Yeah. It's going to be a good guessing game, a nice little Where's Wally game, like trying to figure out who's the non-DumDum listener. We've got to try and get these people on board.

Oh, I think it'll be pretty easy and pretty quick. We'll be able to see who's not a fucking idiot. Yeah, but, I mean, who's living in a fucking resort in Thailand, though? Oh, that's a good point. It could already be DumDum fans. though. That's a good point. It could already be dum-dum fans. Yeah. It's going to be,

if it's like a typical Western expat in Thailand, it's just going to be looking like one of our fans. 40, fat, neckbeard. That's the same, you know. We're selling ice to the Eskimos, really, over there. What do you think our chances are of getting these people on board and converting them into fans by the end of the week?

You'd like to think that they're like, oh, this is interesting. This cool thing is just happening in my house. Or will they be so annoyed by the intrusion? Well, I think what you need to ask, Tommy, is if we took the live show in Heathcote, do you think we would have converted anybody to fans? Because that's what we're doing. Yeah, you're right, actually.

Good point. Because the publicans and everything, I don't think we converted anyone into fans at the Heathcote live show. All we did was get the publican to come up and go, how come a bunch of your listeners ate parmesan and did a fucking runner? Can you pay for them? Yeah. Oh, the listener who spewed on the bus is coming to Thailand,

so that's good. Oh, great. You won't be able to go to that fancy resort you've booked because you'll be cleaning spew out of the stay on the final night of the festival. Is old Spewsie actually coming?

Spewsie's coming. Well, that's, you know, I think that's Jetstar's problem. That's not our problem. I think he'll be spewing on the way there or back. Fingers crossed. Yeah, yeah.

I can't wait to go all the way to Thailand to see my roommate. He's going to Thailand. Ohingers crossed. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait to go all the way to Thailand to see my roommate. He's going. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I might even go a few days earlier. I was like, please don't. I'm going early. Man, travel really broadens the mind.

Yeah, yeah. Fancy seeing you here. Yeah, yeah. That's great. Are you going to room with him over there as well? I may as well. Make it feel like home. Yeah, yeah. Bring all your Make it feel like home. Yeah.

Yeah. Bring all your stuff with you. Yeah. Yeah. But do you know anything about these? No, I don't know. You don't have any kind of... Do they work at the resort?

Is that why they live there? No, they've just got like a thing. You know, like when people go over there and want to stay for like three months or six months or 12 months or whatever, a lot of time they'll just hit up a hotel and go, well, what if, you know, they're not at full capacity. You know, these hotels at the moment in Samui, I think they're about 50% capacity apart from this one this week. Yeah.

It's at 100%. But they actually live, because sometimes, you know, some people do like, they have a thing where they like own, you know, they'll own a room at a hotel and they'll share it. You know, I had a friend at high school who owned a hotel time shares like his family did yeah it was kind of a time share thing so it might be that they might not actually be in residence you go to quest and mantra and stuff like that sometimes those apartments are individually owned and then the the umbrella company leases them out as well yeah like airbnbs or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Like if you go to a big hotel,

sometimes like the top floors are, you know, residential. I reckon by about June 12, they'll be both up for sale. Yeah. I wonder if the resort has let them know like, hey, just so you know, this is what's happening this week. Maybe plan your holiday around that. It'll be the same as the first ever Coast of Maui podcast festival where they didn't know what they were in for and on day two they put the note under everyone's

doors going by the way don't leave your room for the next few days or you'll be called a cunt treat this like a hurricane yeah yeah windows for the doors fill the bathtub up with water we'll pour some green curry under your door it's fine that, that was the original quarantine. I've got to isolate for seven days. There's a podcast nearby. Guys, don't swim in the pool for a week. We're going to get some chlorine in here. Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow. Thailand pools are yellow. That's weird. They weren't a day ago. We've got to look into this because I think that would be a nice challenge for the festival is to try and win these people over if they actually are walking a month. To get our first ever Thai listener after going there four times. Yeah, we should be. To get one person in Thailand that actually listens to this podcast would be nice. I feel like we lose a lot of listeners from people just going,

I'm sick of hearing these cunts talk about a holiday that's in six months that I'm not going on. So the least we could do is convert some people in while we're over on this trip just so it all balances out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got to hit the streets. And have you got official word yet from the guy who lives in Koh Samui who is a fan? Has he officially confirmed he's coming?

The official word from him is I'm a big maybe. He's a hard maybe. He's a hard maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the three previous festivals, this guy who's an expat, he lives there. He worked.

Yeah. What happened was he didn't make it to any of them, but he worked like a hundred meters up the road and he was just there every night. He was just there every night. And he was like, I can't get off work. I'm like, I won't,

won't the boss let you? He's like, I am the boss. I'm like, okay, well you could, if you wanted to then. Okay. He's running boss let you. He's like, I am the boss. I'm like, okay, well, you could if you wanted to then. Okay, good to know.

He's running the whole thing. He's got a massive fan. Oh, man. It was like the time I stopped on the way during the comedy festival. This guy pulls me over. Mate, I'm your biggest fan. I love all your work. I just wanted to come over, shake your hand.

Sorry to interrupt. He's like, oh, mate, no worries. You come to see the show tonight, are you? And he goes, nah. Didn't know you were on. Big fan, are you? Yeah. Interesting.

Well, this, didn't know you were on. Big fan, are you? Yeah. It's awesome. Well, it was like that woman who originally called Carl, Carl Hoofner in Ballarat. Yes. That's exactly what happened there. She goes, oh, I'm a big fan of yours, Harley. I'm like, oh, I just did a show. And she's like, oh, no, I didn't come. And she was standing next to a poster with your face on it.

I was looking at the. And then you said, just to round up that story, then you said, oh, if you're a big fan of me in comedy, you'd know who this guy is and put it at me. And she goes, Karl Hoofter? Close. Add a P. It's a rhyming claim.

I was... You know, this is such a common thing in comedy. And then I was on the Instagram page for the Australian Open yesterday and it's like a post about the semi-final that's happening tonight and it's like, who are you going for, this person or this person? And I like so, like 80% of the comments are people going, never heard of either of them. The world number six, it never fucking ends.

It doesn't matter what field you're in, how high up you get, there's still always going to be majority people like, I don't give a fuck about this cunt. Who are you? Yeah, or someone going, oh, is the Oz open on, is it? Oh, I didn't realise. Ah, Djokovic, I'm a huge fan. Got any matches coming up? And it's like, holding the cup.

Yeah, you know what I would like us to do in Koh Samui to try and get the word out about the pod while we're there. We should look into doing a shopping centre appearance. Oh, yeah. Like Delta Goodrum popping up at Chadston to flog her latest album.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there's like once you get out of the Chawin Beach bit, there is that big where locals go. I've done heaps of promo for commercial radio before. I used to be a promo girl for the street team, so I can go and set that kind of shit up. And I know Thailand's a good place to get a cheap flyer banner, so we can absolutely do an installation in a shopping centre.

And there's a lot of people like you that are, you know, men that are going over there and turning into promo girls, so, yeah, you could totally do that. I could drive around in the promo vehicle handing out icy cold Changs. Oh, yes. I would love that. Yeah. Because the first official night, June 9, when we get there,

what we always sort of do this was we give everyone about 24 hours grace to make sure that they get there in time and whatever. And so the first night, there won't be an actual show. It'll just be like an opening night party. So we've got time. Oh, there'll be a show. It'll be unrecorded. Yeah. it'll be unrecorded drunk cast yeah yeah oh we've well this year we could do the green cast on the final night smash the edibles an hour before recording wow that's actually not a bad idea yes it is

yeah yeah you guys do that on the last night because I won't do that every other night. Wink. What better place for it than the home of reggae, Koh Samui. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck, this literally is a bad idea, getting you two to do it. In terms of a show, logistics idea. In terms of fun, it's a great idea, but logistics is logistics is a terrible idea Look you're going to have a great time

But the podcast is going to be okay You know what I mean Like I'm more of like The behind the scenes guy You know I'll be at the bar I'll be having fun I'll be around

You know Content wise Look you have something to talk about Yes you're right There you go I'll give you content But I don't know whether I'll be present I feel like it's like

We're going to have more content For when we get back To talk about Than actually on the beach Hey a lot of listeners just going I'll be present. I feel like it's like we're going to have more content for when we get back to talk about than actually on the beach. A lot of listeners just going. I'll give you something

to talk about. I just won't do any talking. Yeah. There'll be like every episode that we record we'll be splicing in every five seconds.

Man you really had to be there. Yeah. It was really great when we were here. Yeah. The audio descriptions like the closed

captioning. Yeah closed caption Blakey falls off chair again. I can't wait until after the whole thing's finished and you guys all have to tell me what actually went on because there's no way I'll remember anything. You'll have to actually listen to this podcast for the first time ever. No, I hear everything.

In fact, my gummies are just about to kick in, so got to go. Well, you're smuggling them into Toowoomba. All right, well, we better wrap it up there for another edition of The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Brett Blake, Harley Breen, thank you very much for joining us. Can I quickly plug something at the end? Is that okay? I've got my comedy special coming out.

This is a release on Wednesday, so it'll be this Sunday at 7pm, my stand-up comedy special, Go Hard or Go Home. It's going'll be this Sunday at 7pm, my stand-up comedy special Go Hard or Go Home. It's going to be premiering at 7pm this Sunday, so if you subscribe to the channel, you can watch it live with me at 7pm, and then it'll be on YouTube forever after that. Oh, so where do we... Where is it? So if you go onto my YouTube channel, which is BrettBlakeComedy, you jump on there, and we can all watch it together.

And you'll be in the chat window? I'll be in the chat window. Oh, you're doing it live? Yeah, doing it live. So it's a premiere. It will go live at 7pm Australian Eastern Standard Time or Melbourne time or whatever. So that date is Sunday the... The Sunday the...

Well, it's this Sunday when it comes out. So it'll be, for everyone, it'll be the 4th of February. Right. 4th of February, 7pm. Melbourne time. Melbourne time. I'll be in the chat window. We can all watch it together. Can we 4th of February, 7pm. Melbourne time. Melbourne time. I'll be in the chat window. We can all watch it together.

Can we get in there and heckle? Yes, please. The more people that comment, the more people watch it. I'll be in there. More cash for free. This is going to be the first time I watch comedy in years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take some notes as well, guys. Very good. Harley, anything you'd care to plug? You've got Shitting With The Door Open. I do have my podcast Shitting With The Door Open, and also I'm putting on a tour called Harley Breen Sustainably Organic Free-Range Comedy.

So stay tuned for that. That's a real thing that's about to happen. That's before Samui. May. Yeah, cool. That's just before Samui. That's sort of what has somehow got me across the line with Hannah.

After that big tour, I'm going to have to go and have a little decompression in Thailand with my mate. It's work. As I tell my wife, it's work, mate, and the ATO. That's the two big things.

Alright, guys. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you in Samui. And they've done it again. They have done it again. Beep, beep. Bernie. Bernie is currently flying to Koh Samui to kick a big one

over the top of three or four live podcasts on the surf and sand of the Chewing Beach. Bernie's driven a big one down the Great Ocean Road. Oh, yeah. That's right. Literally, so we recorded that a few days ago or a week ago or something like that. I just talked to Blakey before. He's done it. Oh, he's done his first shift.

Yeah, he's done his first little drive. How'd it go? He said, oh, it was great. It was good. Cool. I just had to learn some fucking shit, but yeah, it was okay. He goes, yeah, I pretty much nailed it. That's right.

He goes, yeah, pretty much nailed it. I mean, there's only one minor thing. Like, everyone's supposed to be back at 9 o'clock. I was home at 10.30. Like, oh, just an hour much down to it. I mean, there's only one minor thing. Like, everyone's supposed to be back at 9 o'clock. I was home at 10.30. Like, oh, just an hour and a half late. Jesus. That's a long day.

That's a long day. I mean, it is a big drive, I guess. Yeah. If you go all the way up the end of the Great Ocean Road and back. No, no, no, no. Totally. No. And understandable. I just think it's a funny thing to be like, if you're an hour and a half late to any form

of work, it's like, oh, that's a slight issue. Yeah. Well, but no, but he's an hour and a half late to any form of work it's like oh that's a slight issue yeah well but no but he's an hour and a half late getting back yes so he's staying overtime so they're probably just like hey this guy this is the guy that sticks around at the office after everyone else no but are the customers like this is good well i don't know we're on a bus for another 90 minutes is that good yeah no you're a german tourist what plans have you got at 9 30 p.m at night yeah fair enough, fair enough. On a Sunday especially. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, a lot of Coast of Moe international podcast talk.

If you like the sound of all that content. And the fact that another – look, the original announcement of guests were Cam, James, Daniel Walker. Now, if you thought to yourself, I want to go to Coast of Moe. But, you know, I'm thinking about hanging out for beers. I want to be still having a couple of beers at 11 o'clock at night. And you're thinking, are Cam James and Daniel Walker going to be still at the bar that time of night? Maybe not.

I don't know. I'm thinking not. Well, now you have a reason to go. Because, I mean, that's when Harley Breen and Brett Blake are just starting up, really. Yeah, or it could go the other way. They could be greened out and in bed one minute after we finish the show. That's also very true. Yeah, that's also very true.

Yes. But I'm hoping the former. I'm hoping the former. So, yeah, what a great bunch of folk to be coming over with us, Tommy. That's Daniel Walker, Cameron James, Harley Breen, Brett Blake, plus us, live podcasts and stand-up and all sorts of bullshit. June 9 to 14, we've only got a couple of tickets left. They went really quickly and now the majority of it went really quickly. The whole resort is booked out except for a very, very small, literal handful of tickets.

And by that I mean rooms, five five nights of accommodation plus ticket go to our website littledunlunclub.com uh you will find the tickets there if you've got any questions we are on email we are we have facebook groups we've got people aware of little dunlun club we've got the millionaires group for the patreon subscribers we're very contactable we're on we're like those little bots that you get on the on the side of every web page except it literally is us yes it's not like it doesn't it's not like you're being tricked into a conversation yeah within three minutes in you go oh this is just a fucking automated thing yes we might sound like we might be so brain dead that we come across like bots yes but it's literally us trying to talk to you also we probably know less than the bots yeah yeah yeah we should just get a bot a bot would be yeah so much more effective

and also smarter than both of us combined yes um so let's look into that um but hey yeah look uh all of that plus the fact we've got the 700th episode coming up in adelaide and we have four live podcasts uh in mel Melbourne including there's a season pass available at the moment where you can get the four shows a little bit cheaper so heaps of great live shows and all of them have great guests so definitely worth coming to we'd love to see you down there yeah get around it and hey look in the meantime if you're if you're just desperate to give us money and you think but but these live shows are so far away. I want to pay money now.

Well, you're in luck. You can open your phone right now and get onto patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Support the show. We really appreciate it. It keeps us doing the damn thing that we love to do. And, hey, as a little reward, you get two bonus mini episodes every week with great guests. This week you get two little episodes with Brett Blake coming down the pipe on Fridays and Mondays.

And, you know, that's all well and good. Extra content is always fun. But you know what is better? Hearing your name be riffed on for five to ten minutes. Yes. I'm guessing closer to five this week. Yeah. I'm guessing closer to five this week. Yeah. I'm guessing closer to three.

This is one of the great days where we record. I don't know what's worse, Tommy. When we record a normal episode, then we do Talking Dumb Dumb straight afterwards and we're sitting here talking to each other for three to four hours. Yeah. Or when I have to make a special fucking effort to come to your house because we couldn't be fucked doing Talking Dumb Dumb at the time. This is one of those days. This worse is this worse yeah this is much

worse if we're recording in the morning i'd rather just sit there and block out three four hours and just get it all done yeah this then it then it like yeah bleeding into another day yes that's annoying yes it's well it's me on the tram coming over to your house just to do literally this and turn around and go home and peak our traffic. Yeah, at the end of the day. Yes. Yes. No good.

But, hey, I'm happy to be just, you know, doing this, doing comedy. Pleasing the stockholders. Yeah. It's the dream. Imagine when you were, you know, when you're three or four thinking, what can I be when I grow up? An astronaut or a fireman? Yeah.

And then I wouldn't have even dreamed that I'd be able to make money reading out names. Yeah. The absolute dream. I think when I was three and my parents said to me, what do you want to be when you grow up? If I had have said podcaster, I think I'd be in a sack in the bottom of the arrow right now.

Oh, you'd be locked up in the loony bin. Uh-oh. With a straight jacket on. Uh-oh. people would be like what's a podcast Tommy and then they'd say you'd be saying I want to be a podcaster

and then they'd lean in with the phone and go Marvin I think I heard about this new medium that you've been talking about and it would be inventing the podcast what's weirder that or

when the very first ever podcast comes out, for the sake of argument, let's say it's Ricky Gervais, and that was popping up, you turning to someone and going, I'm going to do one of them one day, and I'm going to make my living from it. And not only that, half of that workload will be talking about people's names. You think Carl Pilkington's fucked in the head. The dream is. Wait till you see what we're going to do in about 10 years.

The dream is that we jettison the first half of this podcast. Get rid of the guests. It's the worst part, honestly. Get rid of the guests. In terms of the organization, it's easily the worst part of this. Yeah. If this was just it every week without the guests, it would be, as much as it sort of drives me a bit crazy doing this,

if this is all we had to focus on, it would be better. Hey, I do another podcast that there's no guests on, and we just do it at the same time every week. Yeah, yeah, right. We just turn up to the room. We have our little day blocked out. Yeah. We know how long it takes. Yeah.

There's no, oh, where are where where are the person wants us to come to them yeah oh they can only do it at 10 p.m on a sunday night in the world's smallest hotel room yeah yeah it's just it's close it's like a real job yeah yeah well what would this podcast be called though you couldn't you could you still call it little domino club if you're just reading out names would you have to have like a more name-centred podcast? So you think the name would have to be about names? Well, it'd have to be. Your name show.

You can't have a podcast just about reading out names and not hint at what's going on in the show. Yeah, but don't you think hearing The Little Dumb Dumb Club, what's the show about? They sit and read out names. It's like, yeah, that tracks. That's pretty dumb as far as I'm concerned. It's just a question whether we should lean into the name.

I think these days you'd have to. Back then it was The Wild West. These days it would be like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it would be. Yeah, it's like. I mean, the beauty of it is we could just call it The Carl and Tommy Show. Yeah. Because, hey, our names are in the title so we're hinting at the fact that it's all name based yeah maybe maybe yeah i like that the carl and tommy show maybe that should be maybe we should rebrand um the patreon episode is that it's being called that the carl and tommy show yeah yeah

you could call it like reading names out of the phone, you know, like you could play on that. Yeah, the thing, we're so funny. Yeah, exactly. That's what we call it. The cliche. We're so funny. The cliche.

We're so funny, a podcast about names. Yeah. With Carl Chandler and Tommy Tassler. The cliche of like, oh, that person's so funny, I could listen to him reading names out of the phone. That's what we have set ourselves up as. Yeah. That's how funny we are.

But then if this became the main show, if this became the actual guts of the show, then, you know, obviously things evolve and you start thinking about a funny idea for something and it's easy to imagine that we would end up with like a talking dum-dum equivalent of the bit that is just us doing the names. Talking names yeah talking talking names so then what are we doing the name show but then what are we doing in the back end of that if the main show is us reading

out the names yeah what are we doing in the back end we get guests in yeah yeah yeah well is it like i reckon it's i reckon it, so the name show is us reading our Patreon subscribers, right? I guess. So then talking the name show is I guess maybe people that have commented on our Facebook page or something like that. I don't know. Oh, God.

Well, because this, yeah, because I mean this started. Or maybe it's. Because this was quite organic. This was like we went on Patreon and it was like, oh, because I mean this started. Or maybe it's. Because this was quite organic. This was like we went on Patreon and it was like, oh, other shows do this thing where you say thanks. So I guess we should do that. We'll just record this little thing and then it blew out and then we put it at the end.

Yeah. But it's hard to imagine if we were already thanking the Patreon people as the guts of the show. Yeah. What would happen? What would change to necessitate us? As the guts, you you know what as the guts of the show it should be more like we just pick people's names in history right just to you know

because sometimes like we can't if you're doing it on purpose and you want it to be a good show you need to give yourself half a chance of finding some good names sometimes there's five names that suck yeah we don't have that much to do we need to goose it up yeah but sometimes we have two guests that suck yeah yeah okay alright nothing's perfect there's no guarantees yeah okay alright what I like is that

in this scenario we're saying we just jettison the main bit of the ep because we're sick of doing two of these fucking things a week as evidenced here

it's a pain in the ass having to come all the way back just to do this so then we're just doing this but then somehow and I'm sick of our guests not being as funny as us. They're weighing us down.

It's funny to imagine that in that scenario, we still do end up in a place where we end up with a second part of the show. It's just inescapable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those shows where it's like, oh, I went back in time to make sure this didn't happen. It's like, no, now it's twice as bad. It's like the old Droopy cartoons where it's like, you know,

he puts him in a safe and then drops the safe into the ocean and he turns around and Droopy's standing behind him. That's us with this part of the show. There's nothing we can do to get rid of it. I always hated those cartoons where there was an annoying character that no matter what, something, you know, they would always get off scot-free. Like, you know, Roadrunner, I always sided with Wile E. Coyote.

I mean mean you do want to see him win just to see what he'd do if he gets that bird yeah it's like i know that i know his motives weren't great but it did seem unfair his life did seem unfair it's a bit like home alone it's like yeah you just kind of want to know it's like so what are they going to do when they get this kid yeah yeah are they going to fucking break his neck yeah they're going to rape are they going to fucking rape and murder this child? Is that what you were thinking when you were watching Home Alone when you were eight years old?

Barracking for the wet banners just in case they bummed Kevin? Yeah. Anything could happen here. You need to know what the stakes are. That's why they kept making sequels, to get you to keep coming back to say, wow, is this the time where he's going to be anally violated? This might be the one. i agree with you like roadrunner seems to like not know not be aware of his place he doesn't seem to know that any of this stuff is happening to him

right like how narrowly he's avoiding death right but drew b i always liked because it's like he does seem to have a tone where like he knows you know he's just been he's just been blasted off into space and then somehow he's just reappeared he knows how he know, he's just been blasted off into space and then somehow he's just reappeared. He knows what he's done. He knows what's happened. But he's not ever been like, check this out. He's just like, hello, Sarah. Yeah, it's a bit of magic realism or something like that.

Yeah, it's a bit. He knows he's been a little cunt. Yeah, I couldn't invest too much emotion into that one. The other ones, it was a bit more grounded, so I could be a bit more annoyed at it yeah yeah roadrunner the traditionally super grounded cartoon um well time's already getting away from us i'm looking forward to getting out of your house and just being right in the middle of peak hour. It should be really good. Where two coyotes just chasing down the roadrunner of content. Yes.

And unfairly, always losing and never quite capturing comedy. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers, all of you. All of you in general, but in particular, very specifically these people this week. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber First Cab. Off the rank, thank you to Samantha McGowan. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. One of the, let's say, one of the top five percentile of sexiest female names. I am HO. Yeah, interesting. In the top five percentile? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Don't you think? Yeah, no. In the top five percentile? Yeah. Oh, okay. Don't you think? Yeah, no, I agree, but I wondered if you were saying five percentile or just top five. Yeah, it could be top five. Because top five percentile out of all the names that exist, that's still a fuckload of names. Yeah, I guess. That's heaps of names. I guess, but still. That's still like probably like thousands.

It's still in the top five percent. It's still in the top five percent. Yeah. How many names do you reckon there are? That's a good question. Yeah. You know what the aim is? Across the whole, in all languages?

Across the whole world? Does anyone know? Like millions, right? I don't know. I guess so. I was reading a thing the other day where New Zealand literally banned all these. Like, there was a list of all the names that were banned as first names for kids. And they were all like, you'd think, oh, wow, these are going to be like insane.

But they were just all royalty. Like, there were all these fucking idiots who tried to call their kids Queen. Okay. And King. Yeah. Royalty? Like all these fucking idiots who tried to call their kids Queen and King and Princess and Your Highness and Royalty and all these just...

It was just funny. I thought it was just going to be like cunt hole or whatever. But it was all Her Majesty. Yeah. And...

I mean, because at that point, that's just... But it's the same as just banning a swear word. It's just, we're doing you a favor. It's like you don't want your kid to be called this. Your kid is not going to want to grow up and have this name.

Just think about this for five more seconds. What was the terrorist organization that like Osama bin Laden was part of? What was the – Al-Qaeda. It was something like – I love the list. It was something like here's all the names banned. King, Queen, Princess, Your Highness, and Al-Qaeda. Alan-Qaeda.

I was like, oh, you just slipped that one in at the end? It was like, no, ISIS. That was it, ISIS. Oh, right, ISIS, yeah. I was like, check out this. Someone tried to call their kid King. What an idiot. Also, someone tried to call their kid ISIS.

Well, I get that one. King's a good, I mean, if you detach it from what it kind of means, just like as a word, you know what I mean? Yeah, but it's a funny name in that if I had a son called him King Chandler, this is my son King Chandler. Well, what are you then? I'm his dad. Well, why aren't you King?

Well, because one of Michael Jackson's kids is Prince, right? Well, isn't that Blanket? Or is that the other one? I don't... Well, in any case, one of them's called Prince. Yeah, but one changed their name. Yeah. Yeah.

But also, wasn't he called the Prince of Pop? Yeah. So, like, he's... No, King of Pop. Was he the king? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. His dad died, so he became king. He became the King of Pop. Yeah. No, his dad's actually wasn't he? Was he the king? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. His dad died, so he became king. He became the king of pop. Yeah. No, his dad's actually still alive, I think. Or maybe he only just died. No, not the prince of pop, because he was like a massive, you know,

wanted to be the best at everything, thought he was the best at everything. But also his enemy was prince. Yeah. Well, then, okay. But then that's weird. He calls his kid after his enemy? Oh, yeah, you're right. It's kind of strange.

Well, yeah, you're right. Because we have finally uncovered something weird about Michael Jackson. I agree with everything else he's done up until discovering this. I'm surprised he didn't call his kid delicious or sexy. Yeah. So you're the king of pop and you go, oh, well, obviously, my child will be the prince of pop. I'll call him prince.

Right, right. But then surely you're going like, oh, no, wait, that's my nemesis. Yeah. How much do I care about carrying this like thematic nickname that I have through the generations? Yeah. Well, look, Samantha McGowan, I think as Samantha being such a, in my opinion, I don't know if you share my opinion, it's a traditionally sexy name,

don't you think? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Like if you called your cat Samantha, I'd be like, wait, is this supposed to be a sexy cat? In the same way that Samantha McGowan's mum has called her child Samantha. You're like like what's the what's the thinking here you you're gonna try and try your best to make your baby sexy did you um

did you feel this way before uh Sex and the City or have you been influenced by that show in some way I didn't even think about that but I'm sure I was influenced in some way but I think the writer of that show was has the same thinking as me and right most people you think you and darren star have anything in common that's that's that's the two things we have that's that's the that's the thought we've shared yeah yeah um yeah i think if you call your your your daughter samantha that's what you're thinking the same way that if you call your daughter Samantha, that's what you're thinking. The same way that if you call your son Mr. Big.

Yeah, but I think – Similar thing. I mean, I agree that I think like phonetically and everything that it's a hot name. Yes. But what I would love to hear from is anyone who's listening who is just repulsed by this conversation because they may well have

gone to school with like you know the stinky person at their school might have been called samantha you know what i mean if you have like a formative experience when you're seven or whatever let us know if you names that are traditionally hot if you cannot get on board with them because of a negative experience you had in childhood that has scarred you on that name forever well samantha mcgown let us know if you're like a four you know let us know if you stink like shit yeah or send us a photo and we'll tell you yeah um or if you're married and there's a there's a mr mcgowan let us know post it publicly on our page and let the listeners weigh in. We'll post as a poll.

Yeah, easy. All right. Well, thanks, Samantha McGowan, you sexiest of Patreon subscribers. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andrew Crick. Crick. I presume it's Crick. K-R-I-C-H. Unless it's Critch.

I reckon it's the German crick. But we can say it in equal measure just to make sure that it's right. I've got a funny name thing, and I can't tell whether to tell it on the main show, which sounds like it might be days away from being put out of its misery or on Talking Dumb Dumb because it is name-based. And this does seem like maybe the better place for some name- is it about you or is it about someone else it's about two incredible names that i've encountered oh i reckon save it okay just because at the moment i've got my content well

you know down towards the bottom okay so uh anything you can do to help okay i would appreciate it okay yeah so let's do that. What a teaser for not next week's episode because that's already in the can. Yeah. Maybe next week. Yeah. The week after. Yeah.

All right. Great. Let's get some real dud guests on so that we've got room to move and wedge this story in. Some two guests that have got no fucking life, that bring nothing to the fucking table. And it's so bad that I tell the story and then they just go oh yeah yeah that's funny no expanding upon it no riffing about it yeah just let it just let it fall there and go good for you yeah you got two guests in mind for the next one for that for that oh i think we'll fulfill that criteria. Yeah, I could have a think. Ideally, two guests who, as one of our guests said to me once, was that the end of the story?

That's a great guess and I know exactly who you mean. You know who I'm talking about. Yes, I do. Someone who we both like. Fuck, is this the one I'm thinking about? Yeah. What? like uh fuck is this the one i'm thinking about hmm what oh no no no no no okay oh wow i can't believe this has happened more than one oh really who was the other one i'll type it on my phone okay great great yeah type it or this guest This guest has since redeemed themselves. Okay. Oh, to correct his name. What a horrible thing to do.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They've been on since and were nicer. Well, look, we've both named there two people that I don't think are the leaders in keeping the ball in the air. People who think that you've told something because it's like a one-man show and it's going to have this huge triumphant finish where it's like, no, I'm hoping that there's something on in you. Maybe you've had a similar thing happen that we could talk about or you have some thoughts on what just happened in the story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how this show works or many shows like this work. You bring something to the table. It's not your stand-up one-man show where people are just listening. It's for other people to jump in on. You don't just have a guest that goes, that story sucks. If I have a story that has the ultimate perfect button on the end of it, then guess what?

I'm just going to do it as stand-up. A conversation with three other people, probably not the best place for it. Yeah. Man, what was the story I told on the pod last week or was it the week before? The story about me fucking losing my mind at the gym and leaving my bag and losing the bag and then me fucking screaming and going crazy and whatever.

Some cunt on the social is like, oh, I've got a feeling this guy fucking, what's missing from this story? He's trying to make himself sound good or something. I'm like, in what part of that story did I try and make myself sound good? Every part of it made me sound like a fucking idiot. What could I have – I don't even understand. I'm like, how the fuck do you listen to a story and misinterpret that bad?

No, I know the comment you're talking about, and I think you did misunderstand what he was saying. Oh, okay. I don't think he was I'm like, how the fuck do you listen to a story and misinterpret that bad? No, I know the comment you're talking about, and I think you did misunderstand what he was saying. Oh, okay. I don't think he was meaning it as a dig. Oh, okay. It was in... Because it wasn't... Anyway, it was in...

He was relating it back to something. Anyway, whatever. Yeah, I didn't understand it anyway. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Every one of the stories that I bring here, I would like to think of a... I would love to know about a story I've brought to this show that's made me look good.

Yeah. I can't imagine it. Yeah. See, but see, telling a story here in what will eventually be known as the Little Dum Dum Club or Talking Names. Yes. The pressure's off. There's no like, oh, God, Peter Helly is sitting here.

I don't want him to think I'm a fucking idiot. I've got to have something good and funny. I've got to have a good question for him. Pete, how do you get your ideas? Yeah, exactly. Phew. From before. Again.

Yeah. But Andrew Crick, yeah, I mean, it sounds German, I think, in my humble opinion. Do you think he's getting Jiminy Cricket ever as a nickname? Yeah, I think he's getting Cricket, for sure. I mean, it's a terrible... It's the most uncreative nickname I could think of. Yeah.

We've said this on the podcast a long, long time ago, but like the time where Lawrence Mooney, I could think of. Yeah. Just like, we've said this on the podcast a long, long time ago, but like the time where Mooney, Lawrence Mooney, friend of the show, Lawrence Mooney said to me, Chandler, you should do a show,

a comedy festival show called that, you know, Chandler from Friends. Like, is that your idea, is it? My show's called

Carl Chandler in Chandler from Friends. There's a, there's a DJ whose DJ name is Ross from Friends. Great. DJ Ross from Friends. There's a DJ whose DJ name is Ross from Friends. Great. DJ Ross from Friends. That's not bad.

Yeah, that's good. There's also a DJ Seinfeld. Yeah, right. I met Seinfeld's best mate the other day. George Wallace came into Basement Comedy Club and he uh he i was telling you he was very much like um he did a spot but he was like i was like oh god what how do you introduce him or how do you you know talk about it but not mention seinfeld the only thing i know about him and then he gets up and does 10 minutes about hey everyone i know jerry seinfeld yeah i'm his best friend yeah that's

so cool i was best man at his wedding. It's like, oh man, that sounds like someone 15 years old. Oh no, he's 71. You should, the next time you have Dave O'Neill on, you should get whoever's hosting to introduce him as Dave Hughes' best friend. Yeah, yeah. This is Eric Banner's friend. Guys, yes.

He would genuinely thrive having that thrown at him as he walks on the stage. Yes. Yes, he would. That would actually be funny. Yeah, that would give him something to talk about for fucking 15 minutes. Yeah, exactly. But thank you, Andy Crick. Andy Crick?

Andy Crick. Andrew Crick. I like that. Andy Crick. Andy Crick. The anti-Crick Thank you very much To Patreon subscriber

Dustin McKenna Dustin McKenna Would you go with Dustin Or Dusty I'd go with Dusty Yeah I think you'd have to go With Dusty

I thought so Yeah I thought you would Yeah thanks Yeah What would you go with You famously Called yourself Tommy

Instead of Thomas. So that's the same sort of thinking there. Yeah. Yeah, real detective work for me. Calling yourself Dusty instead of Dustus. Yeah. Or Dustus Gloop. What would you go with?

God, it's a great question. I think I would have to go... God, fuck. I never could have predicted that this would be such a brain buster. Yeah, it really is. I really didn't think I was going to be stumping you so much. You know why? Because I was.

You asked me. I assumed you just had one ready to go. No, no, no. I hate when people say that. Like you ask them a question and they ask it back and they go, come on. Well, you only asked it because you wanted me to ask you. I'm like, no, I asked you a question because I want to know your answer. I didn't think it was that you wanted me to ask you, but I thought you've got an idea in your head.

If you're asking, you've got a version of it that you think is better. No, no, no. I'm genuinely curious about other people. I didn't think about me for one second. I'm selfless especially with questions especially with names yeah um i reckon i'm just putting myself into the body of someone in that conundrum if it if it helps what i don't care about the answer okay well that does help um so from the age of zero to 14 dusty then maybe i'd start to get serious and go oh what about

will girls treat me seriously if my name is dusty you know maybe i should be a dustin and then you get into that and then you go hang on dustin kind of sucks a bit and it's a bit of a dorky name and maybe i've got to get out of that again yeah and then you go through like a you get your 20s you go through your cheeky party animal phase where you're like yeah i'm back to being dust yes yeah and then you got to get a job and then you're like oh fuck dusty doesn't look good on a cv oh you're always putting dustin on the resume yeah but then like day one right or maybe not day one but early on colleagues that you get on with you're like hey you know what everyone just calls me dusty yeah yeah um man again and i think we talked about on the podcast so long ago but um me working at a job where first day a guy came in and his name was like whatever it was but

he's he's he wore a hat with his nickname on it and people were like what's that and he's like that's my nickname you guys have to call me that. Just forcing a nickname. Yeah, it's good. And then everyone was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And it wasn't like a catchy nickname. It wasn't like a... Do you think he... I love the idea that he didn't own the hat before he got the job.

He was like, this is the best way to get the word out at this new job. Yeah. I'll get the name put onto a hat. Yeah. But yeah, that was... I just remember his nickname. His nickname was Smaxy. Smaxi but with two x's yeah i like it smaxi smaxi it was like yeah everyone just called me smaxi and people were just like okay um smaxi yeah uh all right okay personally barely know now we've been i've, I've had someone do that to me day one.

Like, you know, everyone just calls me this. And I was like, let me kind of feel this out. Let me kind of see how this friendship goes. I'm not going in day one with the nickname. I want to, you know, I want to sort of, I want to wheel this out when I'm comfortable. I want to feel like we got a bit of something going here before I just leap straight. Because it's a familiar thing.

It's for friends. I'm not just calling you this as the default. It was a fucking stupid nickname as well. And this was someone that I was living with. And I was like, I'm not saying this around the house. I'm going to bide my time here. Well, I think Smacksie got fired. And then that just became a running joke from then on.

So for the next couple of years, it was just every now and then, someone in the office would just yell, Smacksie! Don't let the door smacksie you on the way out. Fuck, I wish I had that hat now. That would have been great. Yeah, that would rule. Yeah. Just finding out, just seeing him box all his things up in his cubicle

and being like it's might you know this might be a rough ask given what you're going through yeah do you think i could have the hat yeah could i be the new smacks now that you're gone and he opens a drawer and he's got like 20 of them in there yeah he's like this is how i started i i had this passed on to me the guy that was fired before me oh so smacks heacksie's like Doctor Who. Yeah. Yeah. It's like James Bond. Yeah. Yeah. Just the hat gets handed over.

The office Smacksie gets anointed. Yeah. That would have been great. I wish I was the office Smacksie. Oh, man. Damn. Well. I could always be the podcast Smacksie.

This person could be the office Smacksie. Yeah. What fucking name was this again? Dustin McKenna. Dustin McKenna. Dustin. He's gone with Dustin instead of Dusty. He's gone with Dustin instead of Dusty. He's gone with Dustin instead of Smaxy.

Yep. Dustin Smaxy McKenna. Yeah. I wonder if New Zealand would ban that as a first name of a baby. Smaxy. Smaxy. Prince Smaxy. Prince Smaxy.

Maybe this is a New Zealand listener and they had to go with Dustin. Maybe this is a six-month-old. And they tried to get King Smacksie through and then the government went, this is ridiculous. You've got to call your baby Dustin instead. Yeah. Might we suggest Dustin? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's the closest we can get to Smacksie. Sorry, guys. That's the literal closest you can get. Yeah. Well, thanks, Dusty. Thank you, Dustin.

Dusty McKenna. Thanks. Dusty McKenna. Thanks, Dusty McKenna or Dustin McKinnon. Mm-hmm. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, fourth cab off the rank this week. And we have a little bit of a fun name. Oh, do we now? Yeah, finally.

Thank you very much to Patreonber, DJ Holy Moly. Uh-oh. Silly Billy Alert. Having a bit of fun here. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Well, you're talking about DJ names.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Is this someone who just really loves the, someone who's a DJ and they really love that mini golf place? I hope so. I thought, oh, in tribute. I hope so.

In tribute to that uh that simpsons couch that they're just using even though they they've got like a um a hole that's got like a replica of the simpsons living room oh do they yeah oh i've seen pictures of that that's what that's for yeah okay oh that's all right that's fun well so a friend of mine works for that company and she was telling me this is ages ago she's like ah the fucking lawyers from fox are on the Okay. Oh, that's all right. That's fun. Well, so a friend of mine works for that company, and she was telling me, this is ages ago, she was like, ah, the fucking lawyers from Fox are on the phone again. Oh, great. I'm like, yeah, you've stolen their copyright.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're probably going to keep doing that forever. Yes. You didn't make that up. I just thought it was so funny to be like, ah, for God's sakes, can you believe this is happening again? It's like, like yeah that's what happens when yeah i mean it would have been bad enough when it was just fox and now disney on

them it's like oh are they litigious i think they might be yeah that is a great one but i love it i love when people hey make a steamboat willie hole yeah he's public domain now yeah that would be good um i do love it i do love a good complaint where the answer to it is so clear and obvious that there is no room to move. Oh, but now they want me to stop using the Sims and stuff. Yeah, but it's theirs. Yeah, but I don't want to stop doing it. Especially when the argument is between your friend and a massive corporation. You would think, hey, without knowing what it's about,

I'm going to say I'm going to side with my friend. And then you hear the specifics and it's like, I think I'm with Graney and his close personal friend, Jeffrey Epstein on this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yet again. They should make a hole for that. Epstein's Island. Yeah.

Yeah, the little temple that's on there. That would make a great little hazard. Was there a little temple on there? Yeah, yeah. Haven't you ever seen the yeah yeah the little temple that's on there yeah that'd make a great little hazard was there a little temple on there yeah haven't you ever seen the photo of the little the little temple i mean i haven't traveled as extensively as you obviously sorry i mean you've sorry you haven't seen photos of it but you've seen it out the window no hang on you know it you talked about it which means you've been there and i didn't know anything about it which means i haven't been there i I'm just going to pretend to type. And I didn't know anything about it, which means I haven't been there. That's proof.

I'm just going to pretend to type this while I bring up the wallpaper on my phone. That'll hold up in court. This whole conversation convicts you as having been there. Jeffrey Epstein's private island features a mysterious temple. How good is it? It looks like a fucking Easter egg packaging or something. That looks insane. I remember when all the photos came out, it was like,

oh, God, whatever's happening on here is truly horrific. Hey, what's that weird little temple? Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Why is that there? Oh, maybe I might go there now. It's a tourist attraction. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now that all that's gone down. The Little St. James International Podcast Festival. Yes. Now that that's all gone down, now that everything's happened, what's happening on that island now? What's the aftershocks? Can you go there anymore? Oh, that's a good question.

Yeah. What happens there? Did he own the island? Who owns the island? It was his private island, right? It was his. I think, yeah, I think so. Well island or what? Who owns the island? It was his private island, right? It was his. I think, yeah, I think so. Well, guess what?

When you put Little St. James Island into Google, the very first thing that comes up is people also ask, who now owns Little St. James Island? And then next question, can you visit Little St. James Island? Yes. I wouldn't be typing that in. Why isn't this letting me click it? Why is it saying stop asking me the same question every day?

Why does it say that, Tommy? Let me find this out because it is a good question. Billionaire Stephen Deckhoff. In May 2023, billionaire Stephen Deckhoff, under his firm SD Investments, announced the acquisition of the Great St. James and Little St. James Islands for $60 million. $60 million does not seem like that much to own two islands. Hang on, what was the other

island? There was a second island. Great St. James. Oh, so that was that where Epstein took all the mums of the kids he was bringing to Little St. James? Sure. Okay. Good we know that now. You think $60 million? I don't know that now. You think 60 mil?

I don't know, man. For an island? It feels very weird to be able to own an island. Because who are they buying it off? How did someone own an island to start with? Yeah. Someone just went, this is mine. And everyone else in the world went, okay.

I guess so. I mean, I guess that's how all land works. But an island seems especially weird. This is so brutal. You know where Little St. James is? I don't. The Virgin Islands. Oh, wow.

What are they called now, though? The old busted up islands. Okay. Okay. Yeah, the old busted up islands. Okay. Okay. Now that's comedy.

Well, thanks, DJ Holy Moly. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Do you think this person's actually a DJ? Good question. Why don't you let us know, DJ Holy Moly? Send us a mix. I would like to know. um good question why don't why don't you let us know dj holy moly send us a mix um and if not i would prefer that you are one but if not i would like to know why you've called yourself

that on patreon because you have a perfectly good name i assume you could be using that yeah and now we've had to talk about this instead um you know you don't have to impress us you can just use your normal name yeah it's fine we won't make fun of you yeah we don't we don't have to impress us. You can just use your normal name. It's fine. We won't make fun of you. Yeah. We don't do that sort of thing. Yeah. Well, we don't when your name's too boring. Yeah, exactly.

Because we can't. Yeah. Or if it's late. Yeah, yes. Or if we're tired. Or if we're tired or hungry. Or hungry. All right.

Let's just do one more. Sure. And then we get to go home. Yeah, great. All right. Okay's just do one more. Sure. And then we get to go home. Yeah, great. All right. Okay, here we go. One more. Okay, this is weird.

All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Little Saint Comedy. Wow. Yeah. That is weird, isn't it? Interesting. We were just talking about something like that a while back. Yeah.

On the show. Yeah, that's so... And so what is this? This is a person? This is, I believe, a collection of underage comedians. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Baby Husey.

Yeah, yeah. That has its own comedy festival that you have to get on a private plane to go and fly and see. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah you can, that has its own comedy festival that you have to get on a private plane to go fly and see. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't you think? I think so. Yeah, sure. All right, bye everyone.

Thank you for listening. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Muffet babies except comedy babies. Comedy babies. Yeah, Little Fusey, Little Carl Barron. Yep. Little Kitty Flanagan. Yep. Little R rodney rude that's that's a good that's something yeah yeah it's something i'm

withdrawing good but i'm saying that's something yeah yeah all right thanks everyone see you next time see ya bye