The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 700 - Live! Nazeem Hussain, Dave Thornton & Tom Ballard

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

We're live in Adelaide for our 700TH EPISODE! We've got some famous well wishers on the phone, and of course Karl's had to check in on his favourite Adelaide-based Hamburger Facebook group. Meanwhile, we learn a LOT about Tom's lifestyle, Nazeem's cracked the shits in public, Thorno's found some of the greatest merchandise of all time, and Tommy's in trouble because of a dream that his fiance had about him. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Adelaide with guests Tom Ballard, Nazeem Hussain and Dave Thornton. And hey, if you listen to this, all these people in a room having a fun old time and you think, God damn it, I wish that could be me and I live in Melbourne. Well, have we got news for you. You can come and see us do this four times in a row. Doing it again four times. March 30, April 7, 14. Six, 13, 20. Okay. And the supplementaries are 69 and 69.

Six, 13, 20 sounds like it should be a number for like a, you know, like Lube Mobile or Pizza Hut, how those are like seen in people's brains. Yes. But give us a call on the Dum Dum Hotline, 61320. The Lube Mobile and the Pizza Hut are turning up at the same time. You're going to lube up your ass to stick a capricciosa right up there. A Vaseline-flavoured pizza. Come check us out at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival

and then, of course, in Koh Samui as part of the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. That's part of it. As part of it. Not the complete entirety of it. Well, normally we do our shows over there sort of outside of the festival and we just try and poach all their guests. But this year we've registered. We're in the guide.

Fuck, that's a good idea. Let's make a guide. No. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Enjoy this new episode live from Adelaide with Tom Bellard, Dave Thornton, and allegedly Nazeem Hussain. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler. I'm with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads! You did it! You magnificent bastards, you bought tickets before the day of the gig! Yes!

We tricked you, you dumb cunts! I said to Tommy, I was like, we're making it the 700th episode, I don't care what episode we're up to, we're making it a birthday episode because I know people love fucking birthdays. Now that I know how to trick you, next year we're doing the 1000th episode. I don't care what episode we're up to, we're making it a birthday episode because I know people love fucking birthdays. Now that I know how to trick you, next year we're doing the thousandth episode here. Yeah. Every year.

Special anniversary, episode 823. Get down. It's a night to celebrate. Guys, thank you very much for coming out. We are of course here at the Adelaide Fringe. You guys, if you've seen shows here before, you will know Adelaide is traditionally a testing ground for Melbourne comedians to come over

and work their shows out before they get to Melbourne. So welcome to our trial show for the worst of Melbourne comedy. Just wanted to really work out the kinks before we play in one of the major markets, no offence. Episode 700. In case we do anything funny tonight, we'll get rid of that for Melbourne. I don't think we can use any of this so far. Oh, you think this is good?

Yeah, this is alright. Guys, some of you may know when you turn 100 years old, you of course get a letter from the Queen. And podcasts are no exception. When you turn 700 episodes, you get a letter from the Queen and podcasts are no exception. Okay. You turn 700 episodes. Yeah. You get a letter from comedy royalty. Oh, do we?

Okay, yeah. And it's just come through in celebration of this. Do you want me to read this out? I'd rather not. Dear Tommy and Carl, congratulations on reaching 700 episodes and even more prestigiously, selling more than 23 tickets to a show in Adelaide. Wow, yeah. It feels like only yesterday that I was

listening to episode number one. Nick Cody was a guest, there were jokes about Tommy sounding like a girl, and Carl had just gone to Thailand. Crazy how far you've come in 699 episodes. I don't really know what else to say. I haven't had to write too many of these because there are very few other podcasts that are pathetic

and unemployable enough to reach 700 episodes. Here's to another 700 episodes of great content with special guests and another 700 hours of talking dum-dum that 90% of listeners will skip. Your best wishes Mr Comedy, brackets from before.

Wow. Exciting stuff. That's great. Exciting to do the 700th episode here in Adelaide. Obviously you don't have the Grand Prix, but you got this. Is that something? It's because of the bidding process. Because of the bidding process, obviously,

Melbourne won the bid and passed on to us, to here. They didn't want it. Okay, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. I was trying to work something out about, like, lots of people jetting into Sydney for the Taylor Swift gigs and lots of people jetting into Adelaney for the taylor swift gigs and uh

lots of people jetting into adelaide for the 700th dum-dum episode but i couldn't think of a word for you people that rhymed with swifty um so i forklifty was the closest i could get and i thought it's just no this is awesome for people home uh the place is chocker so i appreciate that guys you actually did did uh uh really fucking buy tickets like a month out or something crazy that was awesome so it's like genuinely a full room but I have to say still not as many tickets as we've sold to Koh Samui which means that

people would rather fly nine and a half hours to a different country than leave their house in Adelaide to go to a show Peary Street yuck. Awesome. What should I do?

Well, we've got, we are, of course, this is what is very exciting, is that we're here on the eve of something that we talked about a few months ago. Speaking of the worst in Melbourne comedy, there's an Adelaide comedy gig on that we're fascinated by that is on, if any of you heard us talk about it,

Chuckles Comedy. It's on at 6pm this evening. I believe it's just around the corner with a great line-up featuring acts like Blinky Joe. He's back. Nick Gooch. Yep, he's back. Dusty Ballsack.

Oh, that's new. Shark Boy. That's new. And, of course, Strange Carl. Yes. If I go down there at six o'clock, can I get on as Stranger Carl? Starts at six o'clock, kicks off then at Wakanda Place. And I think we should hold the after party down there.

No, but we've been invited to get on. Yeah. Yeah, so we might. Because we've also got to bank some eps and other things. And so... And it's a stand-up gig. It's a stand-up gig. I think you and I should try and close the show

doing a spot where we just do this week's Talkin' Dumb Dumb. Yeah. Just a tight five. Tight five. Just do five. Just do five this week. Just do tight five. So, guys, if you want to come down and watch us do talking dumb dumb

at our chuckles comedy uh hopefully we can uh we can get on we can drop in maybe we can bump shark boy off the lineup um if the show's running late but uh yeah i think we should be able to make that happen great so um i and also because we're in adelaide, should I do this or should we do the other thing first? Your choice. All right, let's do this. So I love coming to Adelaide because it's a good chance to get stuck into the Adelaide Burger Lovers Facebook group. So that was me on the plane this morning.

So I get in here and this is my first, my 2024 foray into the group. Adelaide Burger Lovers group. Hi all, big burger head here. I've never been to Adelaide before, but I've just landed and just have a few tiny questions for you guys in here. Some of them may be obvious ones, so apologies in advance. I'm from Melbourne, so I'm only used to ordering burgers in cities. Today is the first day I'll be ordering one in a town. This is making me angry and I'm not even trying. I feel my fingers firing up.

This motherfucker. Is there much difference? What are rural burgers like? Do you have onions over here? Or should I have brought my own? What is the most Melbourne type of burger restaurant you have? I think I would be more comfortable in one of those. Please recommend anything with an indoor toilet, serviettes or EFTPOS.

Imagine being the man who sat next to Carl on the flight watching him type this out. Are there any language barriers here? I don't want to sound silly or disrespectful in one of your restaurants. What do you call chips? Also, I know you have a different time zone to Melbourne. Will this affect how long I have to wait for my burger? That's a good question.

Also, this will be a good opportunity for any burgeoning local burger restaurant because if the restaurant I choose even goes close to something I've encountered in Victoria, I actually have a podcast listened to by literally dozens of city people. And I may talk about it on that. I don't know if you have Spotify over here,

but give it a listen if you do. Appreciate all answers in advance. Thanks. Really looking forward to my lunch. I love the idea that people in this room are in that group and just saw this post come up three hours ago and thought, oh, it's going to be a hell of a pod today. The great man's thrown the line out.

What I love is one of the first responses was someone having a go going, say I'm from Melbourne without saying I'm from Melbourne. I just said I'm from fucking Melbourne. Say you're from Adelaide without saying you're from Adelaide. I said it like three times. Fucking great.

First, Adelaide is a city. Don't breed them too smart in Melbourne. Spell two wrong. That's good. Always good. Great stuff. Any cars in the profile pics? Yeah, a few fish, a few cars.

Yeah, a few jet skis. Yeah, nice, nice. Yeah, I like this. Danny has put in there, I don't know if anyone knows this restaurant, Grandolph's Burgers and Tacos. Yep. Is that you, Grandolph? Grandolph. Tacos. Yep. Is that you, Grandolph?

Grandolph. Fucking hell, that's awkward. Grandolph's Burgers and Tacos is a must. Is a must. And I said, can you confirm indoor toilet? Then Danny said, no toilet, unfortunately, my bad. I say, apologies if weird question, but does that

mean you just go in a corner on the floor? His response, you go in a bottle in the car on the way home. My response, you poo in a bottle? No offence, but I would so much rather be friends with the Adelaide Burger Group version of Carl. He's awesome.

I go, you poo in a bottle? What a town. And then Grandolph's Burgers and Tacos chimes in and says we do have a toilet it's just around the back so can you confirm that I just want it to sound cool by pretending that I've been to a taco place.

Man, you were about to get so much pussy after the gig and then you blew it. Okay, mate. You fucking absolutely blew it. Name three Grand Elf burgers, alright? Fake fan. Yeah, fucking hell. What else we got? Man, yeah, I think a lot of people are starting...

Yeah, a lot of people started to get in on the joke and were like, oh, this is this cunt from the last three years. Yeah, it's... Are there people in this room that are in that group? Yeah, did you guys see this post? Yeah. So then, yeah, too many people got in on it. So then I went, you know what, I can't do this anymore. Like, there's too many people that know my superpowers in here.

So I joined the Adelaide Schnitty group. I reckon people are almost more territorial about Schnitty than they are about burgers, honestly. Well, let's see what happened. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. I'm getting bullied over in the Adelaide Burger group. hi guys I'm getting bullied over in the Adelaide Burger Group and I'll be honest it's put me right off ever eating a burger again

what a toxic group I cannot ever imagine eating a burger you guys seem way nicer anyway I've just arrived in Adelaide from Melbourne I'll be honest I didn't even know you guys had schnitzels over here I brought four on the plane with me good on you some people I know think you're had schnitzels over here. I brought four on the plane with me.

Good on you. Some people I know think you're a bit behind the times over here, but obviously that can't be further from the truth. Anyway, do you have any restaurants here that have schnitzels between two bits of bread? With cheese, can they add tomato? Can you swap out the chicken and put beef in there? Reply here, please.

Immediately booted. So. Oh. Yeah, please. Immediately booted. So. Oh. Yeah, okay. A tighter ship. Admin's not asleep at the wheel like in the burger group. Can't I'm born to crack the whip Adelaide burger group. Damn.

Imagine seeing Taylor Swift in front of 96,000 people at the MCJ and she's like, are any of you all in the best pizzas of Melbourne group? Well, have I got a yarn for you. Get them Tay Tay. I asked for bacon on a pizza, fucking idiots.

Why don't they do cheesy crust at La Poquera? Well, we do have some more well wishes. We've got some special guests coming in but we've also got some people, some big names, some big names that couldn't make it, that wanted to send their well wishes anyway. So we thought

we would line some of them up, some very big names. I think I can hear one of them starting up now. Hi everyone. I'm Ronnie Chang. One of the biggest oriental comedians in the world. Do the accent. On a personal note, Carl, I was...

Who's ever stumbled on... English is my second language. Wow. Imagine trying to do this sketch in Australia. Just confirming he is doing the eyes. On a personal note, Carl, I was wrong. I really miss you. I miss when you used to do the eyes at me while I was on stage

and how you gave everyone a light, but for me, you banged a big gong. Carl gave me a script, but I didn't do it. That's not me. Thanks to Thailand, I know you have a soft spot for most Asian people.

And one very hard spot for Asian young people. And one very hard spot for Asian young people. Sorry, I shouldn't have done that one. This is also from Ostentatious. No, no. By the way, did we set up

this is a phone call, right? These are different people. You fucking idiot. This is different people calling up. Anyway... We're on the phone right now. It sounds really clear,

but it's the... The idea is that we're on the phone. Anyway, thanks, Ronnie. Oh, now we've got a call from Ostentatious. Oh, your phone's ringing again.

Yes. No problem. Right. Jesus. Oh, no. Yeah, that... Oh. Austin.

Welcome, Austin. It's me, Austin Tacious. Right, right, right. Congrats on the 700th episode, you anti-Semitic pieces of shit. Uh-huh. I hope you end up being the Palestine of comedy. Carl wrote this.

Just do the lines, Austin. Anti-Semitism is so far down the list of crimes we've committed so far on this episode. Everyone in Australia is a terrible comedian. That is apart from that young fella who beat me in the Australian Comedy Hall of Fame, Nick Capper.

Not only is he the only non-anti-Semitic comedian in Australia, he's also the funniest and most agricultural. Now this is truly from before. People do not remember what this is about. Is that the end of the phone call, Austin? Yes. Yes, great, truly from before. People do not remember what this is about. Is that the end of the phone call, Austin? Yes. Great, great. Goodbye. Okay, thank you, Austin.

Round of applause for Ostentatious. Ostentatious, everybody. And now I think we have one more, one more person that we couldn't get here. Yeah, okay. I think we have Brett Blake on the line. Oh, hi, everyone. I'm Brett Blake. I'm a fucking idiot.

I've taken time out of my busy schedule of being homeless on the beach and pissing in my own sleeping bag to keep warm. Congratulations on episode 700, which is 650 more than what I can count up to. On good, you guys. I mean good on you. Sorry, I can't read. Oh, and we...

Oh, and we got one more surprise one. Oh yeah, did you hang up the phone, Brett? Thank you. Thank you, thank you, Brett. Thanks everyone, Brett. Brett Blake, more surprise one. Oh, yeah. Did you hang up the phone, Brett? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Brett. Thanks, everyone.

Brett Blake. We've got one more. There's one more phone call coming in. One more phone call coming in. One more phone call coming in. Oh, it's Nick Capper, everyone. Oh, g'day, guys. Oh, my name's Nick Capper,

and I'm the dumbest cunt who's ever lived. I just got fired from selling the big issue because the other seller said I was bringing the brand down. The real big issue is how do I stink worse than the actual homeless people? Anyway, I had to drive to Adelaide because the airport wouldn't let me in because I said I bombed too much. Anyway, I'm a B. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Haggard's pizza doggy.

Anyway, my wife pays my rent. Bye. Wow, he stuck the landing. I meant to say the truth. Also, why would you get me to read something, you fucking dickhead? This is so much more fun than having guests out on stage. I like it.

Yeah, that should be a new podcast. Just us on stage and the guests backstage. That's good. Yeah, we just leave a mic somewhere, we invite people to just come and say what they want into it, and then we just sit here and react. Just the glory hole of podcasting. That would be good. Well, thanks to all those prestigious phone

callers for dialing in. I mean, one day we might be able to get Nick Happer and Brett Blake on a stage. Wow. Yeah. Until then. Yeah. Fingers crossed. We have actual guests.

Should we get some actual three-dimensional guests out here in the flesh? Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome into the Little Dun Dun Club, Tom Ballard, Dave Thornton, and Nazeem Hussain. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Guys, the cavalcade of stars back there. It is crazy. You mean on the phone? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, on the phone. On the phone, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking hell, what a sight. Some real theatre backstage shit out there. Mate, Kappa was, yeah, on the phone. On the phone, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell, what a sight. Some real theatre backstage shit out there. Mate, Kappa was just like a chicken pecking. He's just fucking going like this on the mic. He was going nuts during his performance. The operator going overtime back there, were they? The phone operator? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Working all the lines through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they've only got landlines here in Adelaide, am I right? Hey! Save that for Adelaide burger lovers, mate. Hey, congrats on 700 episodes, Tommy and Carl! Yay!

Hooray. And selling this show out. It was crazy. You had one ticket left to sell, and then that Snowtown murderer got out on parole, and then you sold out. Is that right? That's right.

That's right. Congratulations. Is that a thing that happened? Yeah. Really? I tell right. Congratulations. Is that a thing that happened? Yeah. Really? I tell you, you did know that. Michael Hing, when he made a barrels reference on an ABC radio we did yesterday, that the ABC boomers did not appreciate.

Well, you could have just said an Asian spoke into a microphone and the boomers did not appreciate. That's all you needed there. So what, hang on, so the guy that killed everyone

and put him in the barrel got out? He was just an accomplice. Oh, and he's here. Put your ankle bracelet up. Yay! There we go.

We'll take anyone for an Adelaide sale. Fuck that. Who cares? Do you reckon he's hidden any shows at the Fringe? Going to check out the Stripsons?

He's gone to see... Who's the comedian I hate? Fuck, hang on. Oh, this'll be good. This'll be real good. He's gone to see Husey and wants to kill again. I love Husey. You hate Husey.

I panicked. I love Huse. I know and love Huse. Excuse me, not David. I was wearing his merch last week, old Dave Hughes. Oh yeah? What did that sound like? Oh yeah, so this is... Jeez, have a look at me nipples.

It's on my t-shirt. So is this right? So you put up on socials this week. How come I didn't get a phone call? Oh, he got a phone call and he said no and that's why you're here. So... Oh, he got a phone call and he said no and that's why you're here. In case of emergency, break glass and pull out extra Dave.

I'm part of the franchise, don't you know about that? No, you were wearing a Hughesy t-shirt and I'm always fascinated by that because you have bands that have t-shirts but comedians don't have t-shirts. You're wearing a Dave Hughes t-shirt. Is that merch? Is he selling Dave Hughes t-shirts, but comedians don't have t-shirts. You're wearing a Dave Hughes t-shirt. Is that merch? Is he selling Dave Hughes t-shirts? No, there's only one in existence. It's his flyer. And the flyer I finished his shift,

gave it to the producer, which is my producer as well. And she goes, have a look at this t-shirt. I'm like, I'm wearing that. If that barrels guy actually murders me tonight in that t-shirt, I'm like, I'm happy to go out. This is something I'm happy to get buried in. So the flyer wasn't proud enough to wear the Dave Hughes T-shirt

after the shift finished. He was like, I'd rather be topless. Yeah, just threw it on the ground. There's one Dave Hughes T-shirt in existence. We need to own that for our Hall of Fame. We need a dum-dum Hall of Fame. I'll do anything for that T-shirt. Put it up on StockX, $3,000.

I'm buying it. You know what I love about the T-shirt? If anyone hasn on StockX, $3,000. I'm buying it. You know what I love about the T-shirt? If anyone hasn't seen it in the poster, we all have, where it's a cartoon of his face. It kind of looks like Mark Knight, the guy who does the cartoons when AFL clubs win their premierships. Yeah, in the Herald Sun. Normally they're supposed to be more offensive than your actual face,

but he actually looks better in the cartoon. His skin is a better complexion. No, but this is like nothing that he hasn't spoken about, but there's some shit going on with the skin on his face at the moment, isn't there? Like, he's got some... Is it? If only he had the money for some plastic surgery. To be fair, Naz, there's some stuff going on with the skin on your face as well.

Oh, now we're sensitive? What's gotten into you? It's more advanced than your pink shit. I'm sorry, I've been here for a week. I'm going crazy. It's true what they say. You start left and then you just go hard right. If I do another week in this town,

I'm going to be working for Sky News. Jesus Christ. I can't help but notice that the bottom half of your pants has fallen off as well. Yes. Hey, Carl, that's a thing, isn't it? That's a thing? What do you mean that's a thing? He's gay.

He wears shorts. What? No, you're confusing that with having sex with other men. Oh, shit. For a start, you've got to take the bottom half off. Oh, right. I mean, you're brown and wearing tracksuit pants. Do you think he's perennially half taking his pants off right now?

You think he's halfway through undressing right now? As if you know shit about my culture. I don't know shit about... What are you guys? Is that what you do? How do you have sex? You take your pants off, right? The clothes come off first.

Then it's dick out. Then it's ass spread. Is that what it has to do? Oh, my God. I don't know. Yeah, Naz, then it's arse spread. Is that what it has to be? Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Sure. Yeah, Naz, they fuck with their shins. That's what they do.

We fuck with our clothes on. When was that? Shirt's staying on, pants off, arse spread, good to go. Yeah. That's a t-shirt. Yeah. No. What do you do?

Don't fuck until you see the whites of their knees. They're like crickets. They just mate when they rub their legs together. This isn't being recorded. And we always do a little facing mecca just to fuck you guys. This podcast truly is the Gaza of podcasting. It's a fucking war crime. All right, let's call a ceasefire, mate.

You and me. Right, right, right. Well, you were doing your solo show here in Adelaide. I heard, was it last night? Last night, someone in your show had a heart attack. Right there. Wow. They had a heart attack.

What happened? Were you going well? Oh, fucking... Listen, mate. The guy, he fell over. He hit his head on the thing straight before a punchline. Fucked it.

Anyway, I don't know if you know my audience. Pretty multicultural. I see any doctors here, half the room put their hands up. If anybody had a toothache, I'm sure they'd be sold as well. He was good. He was good.

He went out. He was cracking jokes at the paramedics. Yeah, it was a joke about a joke about the tooth fairy not existing. And that's kind of what got him. I did jokes about Palestine later. But it was the tooth... Anyway, it was... Real heart attack?

He didn't know the tooth fairy wasn't real. He had a heart attack. For his whole life, he was just living there. Wasn't he like 75 years old? He was very old. He had a heart attack finding out the tooth fairy wasn't real. Wasn't real. Because his teeth had fallen out at 75

and he thought he had a bit of a nest egg. His mum clearly has been putting cash under his pillow and he only just found out. Did he suffer a head injury? Because he loved this podcast. That's bad for us. I'd be surprised

if we have even one doctor in the audience, honestly. Oh yeah, is there a doctor in here? Is there a forklift driver in here? How many garbos? How many people in between jumps? Oh, okay. Well, la-di-da. Apart from the people on stage, none.

Did anyone go to uni? Like, is there... Oh, there. Well, la-di-da. Apart from the people on stage, none. Did anyone go to uni? Like, is there... Oh, there we go. We've had more cheers from who's in the Adelaide Burger Group. That's my job, posting about burgers. A lot of heart attacks in that group, I think, yeah. Well, it's great to be here in Adelaide doing a podcast with mates. It's good to get away from home at the moment.

I'm a bit in the doghouse at my place. Woke up yesterday morning. My fiancé was very angry at me for sort of most of the day. There was a bit of a weird vibe and eventually I was like... Anything to do with that neckline and the... I think you should be wearing shorts. There is a real Tom Selleck thing going on. No, hang on.

It's a mix of Tom Selleck and his nan. You've got some sort of knitted thing over the top of a hairy chest. For the listener at home, I look very cute. Really fuckable, honestly. But yeah, there was a bit of a, yeah, fiancé, a bit of a weird vibe and eventually I had to go, like, what's going on? Like, what's the problem? Have I done something? And she goes, oh, I just had a dream last night, had a dream about you

and it's really, yeah, it's really upset me, honestly. And I was like, oh, what's happened in the dream? And she goes, we were at our wedding. You were having sex. We were at our wedding. You haven't me, honestly. And I was like, oh, what's happened in the dream? And she goes, we were at our wedding. You were having sex. We were at our wedding. You haven't left. We were at our wedding and we were at the altar and you turned to me in front of everyone and you said,

I'm really sorry, but I can't go through with this because I'm gay. Yes! Fuck. Yes. And she goes, and then the guy that you were cheating on me with was like at the wedding. And then we went on with the rest of the reception and you were just on the dance floor making out with him. Wait, did you pull your pants down and did you spread your cheeks? I've been wearing shorts around the house, which I think might be.

Were you wearing shorts at the wedding? Yeah. Right. But she was like, yeah, and this guy in the dream that you were cheating on me with, she's like, I hate to say it, but you were clearly the bottom. Oh, okay. What does that mean? And then she was...

What do you think of my manly moves? Good question. Have a guess. You get three guesses. So you get to be the bottom, like the arse. Yeah. That gets fucked, doesn't it? Yeah, that's...

I got it, yeah? I got it. They don't cover this in the madrassas? What are you talking about? There wasn't a chapter on that in the Quran. What do you think happens if there was a bottom in sex? What would happen with the bottom? You're lying there looking up.

With sex, generally with sex, something goes into something else. Yeah. So do you think a bottom goes into something, or do you think something goes into a bottom? Well, that's the confusing thing, because you could literally be on the bottom, or you could be the bottom. Like, you could be...

Like, maybe gays just... Yeah, but I think that's both the same thing, isn't it? No, because if you're lying on the bottom, you will be doing the injecting. Injecting! What. Injecting. What? Injecting. What do you guys call it?

Is there a doctor in the house? You have two children, motherfucker. Are your kids IVF? What's happening? Maybe. I actually don't know how kids are made. Jeez, the pillow talk at your joint must go off. Do you want me at the bottom looking up?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, do you want me at the bottom looking up? Yeah. Yeah. No, do you want me on the bottom doing an injecting? Yeah. I'm going to go planetarium style looking up. I've got an erection. All right.

This is a really... You can't hide it in those tracksuit pants. Seriously, it's just Tom's shorts. This is just really... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the most skin I've ever seen. Why do you see me in shorts and think about sex and injecting bottoms? He's been working out.

He's been doing... Anyway, can we... Injecting. Okay. I'm going to have to Google this shit after. Yeah, yeah. What is a bottom? So the bottom, I presume, and, you know, correct me if I'm wrong.

I will. I don't want to... I don't want to gay-splain anything, but... I'm assuming the bottom is on the bottom, meaning that they're getting a penis into their posterior. Oh, jeez, you went highbrow on that. It took you 700 episodes and you've finally done it. Is this a podcast or gay conversion therapy?

Because I really... I don't think I can stick with it after all this. It's slightly different. Gay conversion therapy that I've been to is very different to this. You know that if you went to gay conversion therapy, you were gay, right? No, I know, exactly. The joke falls over in several ways. Oh, God, I'm having a heart attack!

That is... That is great. I've never thought of that. Gay conversion therapy where it's like someone walks in and goes, I'm too straight. Can you please fix me? Welcome to class.

Just start on a small posterior and then work your way up. And then work up to injecting. Oh, sorry guys for being funny. This could be my last gig. So she was, because this is a classic trope, right? In a relationship, someone has a dream about you and of course they're upset with your actions and the reality of the dream.

And she actually brings that into the real non-dream world and is angry at you for being hypothetically dream gay. Yeah. And being a big old Nelly bottom. But also the dream is used as an excuse to say what you really think. She might not have even had the dream. It's just a way to... She's invented this dream.

I mean, honestly, I truly would prefer that. So you're saying she just wanted to wake up one morning, look across and go you're gay. I'm going to call him a big old injector and see what happens. Are you the bottom in your relationship?

What? What did you call it? A Nelly bottom? A big Nelly bottom, yeah. What does that mean? Well, Nelly's like a very camp effeminate bottom. Can you have a masculine bottom? Yeah, you could be a power bottom. What does that mean?

Sorry. Jeez, here we go. Happy Mardi Gras, everybody. I didn't know there were so many shades of getting fucked in the ass. I thought I was being homophobic, but this is just... You hosted the mask beggar

that's Carl's porn parody 50 Shades of Gettin' Fucked In The Air wait so what's a power bottom is it like a phone with an extra battery pack is a power bottom someone bending over but like running backwards

into it I mean you're not far off yes beautiful act out Is a power bottom someone bending over but running backwards into it? Yeah. I mean, you're not far off, yes. Beautiful act out. Yeah, thank you. Has anyone else got any more riffs on that one? Or do you want me to reveal the real answer? Behind door number one.

Back door number one. Yeah, great. Yeah, great. Comedy is that easy, great. Yeah, great. Comedy is that easy, guys. What about if you were like, am I in the Adelaide Burger Group? Because I'm in between two buns right now. Yeah. From before.

Once I get these shorts off, I'm going to have at it. So a power bum, please. Power bum. Now we're so familiar with it, we're abbreviating already. A big old power bum. Power posterior. Oh, what a bummer. A power bottom... We're all laughing and learning today.

We are. We are, they're not. A power bottom is one that sort of pushes back while the fucking happens, right? That does sound inviting. Yeah. A power bottom is one that sort of pushes back while the fucking happens, right? Oh, okay. That does sound inviting. Yeah. It seems fair.

Can you surprise someone with it? Do you mention this beforehand or are you just in it going, oh, I've caught none, this is a power bum, or is that on offer straight up? Stop saying power bum! I don't know why. You're a lovely man, but it seems very homophobic. Oh, really?

Oh, this seems homophobic. Everything that happened over the last 15 minutes. Come on, Dave. You're becoming a lot like Ostentatious. He's all anti-Semitic. Being an amazing comedian. Yeah, we're the same. Any other questions?

But no, Carly, in answer to your question, I'm not the bottom, I'm the injector. In fact, my partner calls me Fleety. All right. I have noticed how your girlfriend does insist on a blue light in your bedroom, but yeah. You call a condom a tourniquet. I'm just kidding. I'm ready, baby baby I'm just saying

if you charge 20 bucks you're technically a prostitute now that's all I'm looking for a power vein where are you yeah

very informative stuff yeah this is great I love that Fleety's actually doing his new show in here in one week which means he starts

writing that show in one week. Get him. Get him. Is that true? Does he really? Yeah. Yeah, wow. Luke Higgy has already booked a ticket.

It's Greg Fleet unfurnished. The room has nothing in it. That's good. That's good. Because Hugh's is called fully... From before. From your shirt. Because Hugh's is called Fully Furnished. From before. From your shirt. Mind you, a nice little fun fact about

Hugh's show, because I asked him why it's called Fully Furnished. Is there a bit about it? He's like, yeah, but it's not working. It won't go on the show. There's no reason to call it that. He just went for it. Great. It's actually named after a... You guys did a little short film

You and Tommy Yeah We made a pilot for a comedy web series For SBS a few years ago It was called Fully Furnished I believe it's about to be uploaded To a little website called YouTube, Tommy Yep, yep

People will be able to watch it That's very exciting And in that episode You can see my naked ass And you can see the power bump for yourself. Yes. That's homophobic. Sorry, guys.

Yes. Husey checked with us. He's like, oh, you did this series. And then he was like, oh, I'm just going to call it that anyway. Yeah, yeah. What was it about? Oh, it was a series that we did. Oh, I'm just going to call it that anyway

and then not put the bit that refers to the title in the show. I've got to get one of these fucking T-shirts. Now the dream is we put the pilot online and then it goes massive and then we buy the T-shirt off Husey and then we have that as merch for our web series. We resell it. There's a good chance it'll go massive. It does feature one Ronald Chang as a special guest star,

so it could blow up and go huge. He was just on the phone. What? Oh, my God. I wonder what it would sound like if he was here now. Who knows how that would sound like? He's become... Australian podcast.

Yeah, I think it was. I wonder what... I wonder what... I wonder what Husey as a power bottom would sound like. Husey as a what? As a power bottom. Oh, power bottom. Oh, power bottom. Oh, that's good.

Look at me, I'm pushing back. You're a great cop, never forget that. Do you want me to wear a condom? No, thank you. I put a bunch of snakes all over my ass. Now they're all dead. That's good news. That's good gear. Yeah, that's good.

That's good. That's good. When Holly finds out, she'll be furious! He needs that yield and that cock! Wait, so what was your short film, your power short, about? Power short about power short it pushes back

hey what can I ask for more terms so there's the oh god the Nelly

Bottom so the Nelly Bottom doesn't push back it pushes the other way

I might be getting that kind of wrong if anyone saw Queer as Folk again no one in this room but there's a

character on there called Emmett who regularly referred to himself as a Nelly Bottom and oh you'll love this actually I used to do a routine about this there was a scene in Queer as a Nelly Bottom. Oh, you'll love this, actually.

I used to do a routine about this. There was a scene in Queer as Folk. Well, in that way, I won't love it. You won't be... You love my comedy. Oh, yeah, that's right. Very nervous laughter over there. Of course, I used to tune into SBS late at night

to watch people fucking, and maybe sometimes I showed some gay people having sex. When I was in year 10, I tuned it to SBS Late At Night. It was an episode of Queer As Folk. In this scene, Emmett was running away with his lover who was in his 70s. They were on a plane. They decided to make love in the airplane toilet.

Emmett was the power bottom, which we're all familiar with, from before. And his elderly boyfriend had a heart attack from before. Oh, my God. And died with his penis lodged in Emmett's arse. And that was the first time I saw any representation of gay sex on TV.

And I said, I've got to get some of that. I said, sign me up! Yes, please. That's your influences. Okay. Yeah, those are my guys please That's your influences Those are my guys That's where you get your ideas So Nellie Bottom We've covered otters and bears and twinks

No no I don't know any of that But if there's a Nellie Bottom and a Power Bottom Does that mean there's a snelly bottom and a power bottom does that mean there's the appropriate powered penis or submissive penis like top

what you know what I'm talking about if there's that many shades of like being on the bottom stop making that gesture stop saying power bomb

stop the whole podcast retire at 700 I'm trying to learn I'm trying to learn what do you mean What do you mean a submissive penis? What would that even do? Well...

That's called not getting it up, mate. Oh, okay, okay. So there's a power bottom. What's the other one called? Yeah, yeah, exactly. If someone's the power then the other one

is the oppressed. Wow, you've got Nazeem translating for you. Well done. Yeah. The power bottom is Palestine and the power top

is Israel. Oh, they're Palestine and the power top is Israel. They're both power. You can both be powerful. Can you be a power top? If a power top fucks a power bottom, I think the universe ends. Oh, so not... Yeah, okay.

So you can't... It's got to be give and take. They can't be give and give. Yeah. Okay, all right. Okay, I think I know how to be gay now. Okay, fine. It's how to be gay now. Whatever you do with my life.

Before you were on your phone for a couple of minutes, I was like, what is Carl doing on his phone? And now I know you're googling different terms for being gay. How to be gay. I was having an argument on text with Brett Blake going, can you please bring me a beer? And him saying, fuck off. Why were you texting him that? Because I could see him. I'm like, how else am I going to get a beer and him saying fuck off. Why were you texting him that?

I was, because I could see him. I'm like, how else am I going to get a beer up here? See, now that's saying fuck off. That's, that's being a power bottom.

Yeah. Okay. Is it? You're pushing back. Okay. Oh yeah, all right. Now you get it.

Okay. Not really, but yes. Sometimes I think we've made too much progress. Let's, let's actually wind it back a little bit. Stop being an ally in a very weird way. I'll tell someone to fuck off on Thursday.

It's out of character for me. That's very out of character for you because I think of you as possibly the nicest guy in comedy. Oh, until you heard this podcast. No, no, no. You're the nicest guy in comedy. And you give too much of your time to people that have watched the shows. Well, not on Thursday. I was in a rush.

I had a show. No, but before Thursday. What did you do the other night before that? I don't know. What did you want to do? Didn't someone, like, say hello to you after the gig and all of a sudden you were out to dinner with a bunch of strangers? That's right.

I ended up sitting out at a table with the whole family, literally getting to know all of them, got invited to the engagement party the next day in Glenelg. And I was like, oh, I've got a late show. Anyway, I said, yeah, yeah. And they had a table for me. Anyway, I was literally just trying to make it work until Beck coached me through it. My manager coached me through how to say no to them. And say these words.

And so I did. And anyway, then I restricted them so they can't see that I've read their follow-up messages. But then they kind of tried to convince me. Look, that's not the story that I was going to tell you. You've got to be inspired by the power bottom. Push back. Yes. I did.

So Thursday, had a show 9 o'clock. The flights all got delayed. Three flights. Virgin, Qantas, Jetstar. So you had a show here, but you were in Sydney. I was in Sydney. So anyway, so I had to delay the show by an hour. Wait, did you buy all those flights?

Yes. Basically, they had booked Qantas and Jetstar as a backup. But then those two were delayed an hour. So I was like, shit, got to book a Jetstar, a Virgin flight, because that was still not delayed, and they'll book that, and then 10 minutes later, that got delayed.

So it was the three flights were coming in at the same time. So it was literally just me running between terminals just because one was getting less delayed and then they all got booked anyway. Must be fucking nice. Yeah. Man, Melbourne to Adelaide

cash so anyway I'm late for my three planes that's like more baller than Taylor Swift's one private jet

hey we've made too much progress Muslim run around the airport is not dangerous suddenly that's fine that's a sign of privilege

I'm going to get on that plane there goes Naz I'm sure he's not up to anything sus so anyway plane landed at like 10 9.50 or something and it took 14 minutes

to get here so I was already going to be late for the one hour delayed show and so I was like I was in 4A I had to freaking get this premium economy ex

because I got the point and so I was like I've just got to i had to freaking get this premium economy x because i got the point and uh so i was gonna get straight off so you know the tunnel from the plane to the terminal i was just trying to overtake people just to get to the taxi rank and make it here kind of not too late uh but there's dodging past everybody and i got past one guy and there was space between me and him and the wall but as i was passing him he like elbow me in my ribs and then i said, what? And he said, what's the rush for, prick? And I just said, fuck off.

He did the voice. And then I went ahead and he said, what did you say? And I said, fuck off. And then I had to loop back around because it's a ramp. And then I saw him and he said, fuck off. But he pulled his phone out then and he was recording me. I was like, oh shit, he's trying to get me in trouble. But he missed the good bit. So I was just smiling. Oh, great. And I was like oh shit he's trying to like get me in trouble but he missed the good bit so I was just pretending

I was just smiling and I was on my phone but there were eyewitnesses and they would have all heard me say fuck off and the one sad thing that I said was he goes

what are you running for I said I've got to get to a show so that's I like how you're worried that you're going to get cancelled from saying fuck off it's like

that's a good day for me so that's that was that's a good day for me. That was a common assault though. Imagine if he felt intimidated that I was going to hurt him. I could be charged with... But how are you going to hurt him? By saying fuck off. But he hit you, didn't he? Yeah, that's what I'd say to the Your Honour.

You thought in your head this is going to end up in court. I literally voice messaged my friend who's a lawyer and I said, is this... am I going to be in trouble with the law? Is this you when you're having dinner with some strange family going, am I going to get sued if I leave this dinner? Anyway, I said fuck. So basically my point is don't mess with me anymore because I've changed.

I'm a tough cunt. I'm a tough cunt. You're tough. I'll say it like it is, man. Don't try and elbow me. I'm a tough cunt. I'm a tough cunt. You're tough. I'll say it like it is, man. Yeah. Don't try and elbow me. Yeah, you're getting there. You're getting there.

That's respect. That vibe right there. It's not lack of joke. It's respect. You're a power Muslim now. I'm a power top Muslim. Yeah. I'm at the bottom. I look down. I'm a power top Muslim. Yeah, yeah. I'm at the bottom.

I look down. I look down on the community. I don't know. Do you think Naz is definitely a bottom? Is this what's happening here? I think he'd be averse. A lovely, gentle lover who would both give and receive. What's that?

Averse? Fuck. Thank you. There's the last 15 minutes of the pod taken care of. That's versatile. Like, I can... Versatile. I've got range.

Versatile, yes, yes. It does both. It both gives and receives. Yeah, Craig brought that for you, Carly. Oh, did he? Yes. Okay, thank you, Craig. No worries.

Craig, can you bring out the diagrams that I brought? I think that's actually going to help us the most. Craig, can you get up here and let us fuck you in the ass just to demonstrate to the audience what it's all about? Still more entertaining than Naz's show. Oh, I'm sorry. I like you. I missed what you said, so...

Oh. I roasted you real good. Okay. No, tell me to fuck off. Huh? Oh, no, no. I'm a versatile, nice guy, apparently. Versatile. I'll take that. Versatile. Yeah, like a sh fuck off. Oh, no, no. I'm a versatile, nice guy, apparently. Versatile.

I'll take that. Versatile. Yeah, like a salada. Yeah. What? Did you say like a salada? That's a salada. How Maryborough is that?

You can dress it up. You can dress it down. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? You know, a salada. You can fuck a salada. A salada can fuck you.

What else are you meant to do in Maryborough on a Friday night? They go little holes. You can fuck them or you can shove them up your ass. You can put your dick in them. Still have heaps of room left over. Or you can eat them up your ass. You can put your dick in them, still have heaps of room left over. Or you can eat them. They're versatile. The salada.

Yeah, they call me the salada. Yeah. A salada is like a power bottom or a power top. That's the official new term. I'm going to go to Mardi Gras and go, guys, we're updating the lingo. Top, bottom saladas. Oh, no.

They're going to have their own float. Just a giant cracker driving down the street. Just the casual way you said it too. They'll all get it. We all know. Salada goes with literally anything. These guys get it because they weren't laughing that much, they were nodding.

That's wonderful stuff. Two of them probably thinking, fuck, I could go a salada right now. I'm fine. You get a lot of questions when you're gay, don't you? Probably not as many as when you're Muslim. This is good. Particularly between 2001 onwards.

What other questions do you get? We've answered all the questions clearly. Everyone's asking about the gay stuff. No one cares about us anymore. No, you get a lot

through Ramadan, do you not? Like people do give it a lot of... What do you do? How do you do it? Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, but then the intermittent fasting

has answered all that shit for us. Everyone's doing it. Oh, right. Don't worry about Allah. Joe Rogan podcast. They're the ones that answer the questions. Yeah, exactly.

You want to know Islam? Listen to Joe Rogan. Same shit. Kind of, at times, misogynistic. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, not the religion, some people. They should make crackers that you can eat during Ramadan

and call it salada. Fuck! That was so good in my head. I don't get it. But you know what? That was a power fucker. I tell you what,

if you had jeans on, I reckon they would have been good. I don't get it. Anyway. I just topped myself in the oven. Oh man,

that would be great. That should be a gay term. Instead of suicide, I power topped myself. Oh, man, that would be great. That should be a gay term. Instead of suicide, I power-topped myself. I hit rock power bottom and I topped myself. How about this? Can we talk about Dave Thornton juicing his comedy using performance enhancing drugs? Uh-oh, what, what, what?

Tell them the story. You know, ABC, always be contenting, mate. You know what I mean? Always throwing it out. I've worked in Breakfast Radio. I know how it works. And now that everything goes online and I'm a TikTok star, you know that. So put up me clips. I mean, Blanket's already a big fan of you. She's four and she's, you know,

right into TikTok and your comedy. Don't be jealous, man. Don't be jealous. Don't be jealous of what? That your daughter likes comedy and it's Dave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, it was just a riff I thought was funny and it wasn't anyway. Of course she said she had comedy on TikTok. She'd never seen it before.

That's a comment on me. Yes. Implying that you're bad. Yes. I heard Daddy books this stuff. That's what he does No you know what she You know what she says all the time

She goes When I go to work She's like Oh you're going to your work And I'm like Yeah that's right She goes You're going to a show

And I go That's right And I say And you know what I do When I go to a show Don't you And she goes Yes

You tell people what to do It's never like You're being funny or anything you just yell at people anyone who's gone to your and your club is amazing based in comedy but then when you

when you get up at the start of each bracket you do tell them what to do yes there is an aggressive way going it's a good liner yeah yeah start clapping I should have done it tonight

mind you can we talk about that the last time I was on the pod, Josh Thomas was on, we had a lot of fun, but we were in your house. Do the voice. No, I'm not doing the voice. Don't ask me about power tops and bottoms in that respect. You used

to go steady with him. How old are you? Again, really. Am I sleeping at the bottom or the top now? He's doing it. He did it. He did it. He did it.

How would he have talked dirty to Tom Ballard? Oh, Lord. I'm Tom. Oh, Lord. I'm Tom. Oh, God. Very hard to have sex with him. He can't focus on anything. You start having sex,

you're like, Josh, stop looking at the shiny thing. Come on. Yeah, yeah. He starts sucking your dick, all of a sudden he's making a salada. Yeah. What do you mean, making a salada?

Making a salada. It's versatile. That's a great lockdown project. I baked my own saladas. That's how off the deep end I went. No, I didn't say toss my salada. I said toss my salada. Sorry, last time you were on with Josh.

No, but we were there. No, I want to hear the last time you were on with Josh. Oh, my God. Very good. Yes, but we were there. No, I want to hear the last time you were on with Josh. Oh, my God. Very good. Yes, well done. Thank you. It was more we were doing the pod, and we all know what the dum-dum the content usually is,

and there's a little blanket just sitting there watching us as there's fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck just coming out. And I was just a bit like, can we do this in front of your daughter? And it seems like that horse is bolted. Cheers. There was no other option that day. She had to literally sit under the table and watch us.

That's what she was doing, wasn't it? But it seems like genetically, the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree because we got to the end of that hour and I looked across and it was a very Carl Chandler reaction. She's just like, oh, why on this side? Man, how good's this?

This is what she did the other day. This is like full on. The other day, so we drove down the beach, the whole family drove down the beach, and we were stuck behind someone in traffic going down to Anglesey, and it was like a one-lane road, and I'm stuck behind this guy for like ages.

I'm like, fuck this. They're going like 60K. This is taking too fucking long. I'm getting madder and madder. And then it sort of opened up a little bit, but the lane opened up to the left, like not an overtaking, like an undertaking. This is like what happened to me coming off the plane with the guy, except with cars. Yeah, so a lane opened up so I could sort of go to the left and undertake, and I take off, because I think I can see like a marked out sort of painted little traffic island,

take off because I think I can see like a marked out sort of painted little traffic island and then I went fucking boom hit the gas

went there and went oh that's not painted that's an actual traffic island oh shit and then hit it and went boom in the air

whoa went in the air and like we're in the air next to the other car and we're like and I looked next to them

and the car next to us is just hadn't even noticed that we're in the air next to them. And then we just... But also, as you were setting this up, instead of saying the opposite of overtake, you went, I went into undertake. It's like, wow, this is actually proving pretty accurate.

Yeah, nearly, nearly accurate, nearly very accurate. So we went in the air, and then it came down, and then the whole car's in shock. It just went boom, like this, and all these cars. And we were in the air and then came down and then the whole car's in shock. It just went boom like this. And all these cars. And like we were honestly like about a foot away from the other car as this is all happening. And we hit the ground and just went fucking bang. And we all, it just looked like the car rattled and we all just went silent.

And then Blanka went, ah, ah. Went, ah, ah. She's four years old She goes Daddy's bad at driving Yeah Yeah And then she goes

And we go And we're like Literally like my wife's Fucking nearly having a fit And then she goes Daddy I think I just saw A police car And I'm like

Fuck really And she goes No Yeah Honestly That is not a Ben Lomas story All of that happened car. And I'm like, fuck, really? And she goes, no. Yeah. Honestly, that is not a Ben Lomas story. All of that happened. Got Tim.

Yeah. What would the Ben Lomas version be? The car went into space. Yeah. And then my kids started driving and everyone was like, oh my god. So, content. Ah, damn it. I thought we were going to riff away from this. It's a charming story.

It is a charming story. So here at the Adelaide Fringe, as we all know, all the comedians are always crushing it. We have big numbers. We always play to sell our crowds. Yeah, big time. Yes. And so we were gluttons for any attention.

And so it was a Wednesday night, notoriously the best night for comedy. Everyone likes going out on a Wednesday night midweek they love it and we went to an early gig that does this line up and it was actually a killer line up

like you were on there was the end yeah and you were the power top I believe you finished it out but

well he fucked it really hard fucked it backwards and then what? I didn't pay enough attention hey never be gay Daz Well, he fucked it really hard. Fucked it backwards? What? I didn't pay enough attention. Hey, never be gay, Dad. I don't think you've got a hold of this thing. I feel like I've taught a small child a new swear word. And I've just gone mad with power.

Daddy's bad at comedy. Daddy's bad at comedy. Daddy's gay. And so we're at this gig and it turned into the Adelaide 14. There were 14 people in the crowd and we're getting up and just bombing and bombing. And I had a Taylor Swift gag that I'd been using for the week and I'm like, well, this won't really stick around for too long.

I might as well film it and then put it up online yep and so this was the only gig that i could really film it at i wasn't doing any other lineup gigs and i'm like well i'm filming this one regardless yep so i held poise when i delivered the gag looked like i was playing to a stadium incredible and then i'm like you're filming it was like yeah i'm filming it and then the next day i'm like am i gonna put this up online and i zoomed in and so you're gonna see the top of a couple people's heads and it looks like it's a huge gig but the reaction at the punchline

was 14 people going and fell out and I've been talking about it because we get our shows back to back and then

nah cool okay whatever whatever you wanted to do with it you didn't mention that that's my favourite position yeah power bottom

on power bottom we spread the cheeks and just put them up next to each other the wind tunnel you wanted to do with it? You didn't mention that. That's my favourite position, yeah. Power bottom on power bottom. We spread the cheeks and just put them up next to each other. The wind tunnel, that is. Hang on, what did you say? I was laughing at Naz. Oh, what did Naz say? I didn't hear it.

I said salada on salada. Yeah, salada on salada. Oh, I said the wind tunnel. Oh, okay. I like them both. That's good. We should just wait for each other. Yeah, yeah, I like them both. That's good. We should just like wait for each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's tag in and out. I'll like tap you when I've got one ready to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can be like top and bottom over there. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm glad we got this sorted with five minutes to go. After 700 episodes. Oh, we shouldn't do punchlines at the same time. In short, my spot was received like that riff. But I thought, I'm not going to film this again. Taylor Swift, it's on point.

It's topical. It's topical. It's hot, baby. Finger on the pulse. And you and Michael Hinger doing your show, you filmed the top of your show as well. You're putting out some clips. And so I was like, we're sharing stories.

What do you do? How do you edit it? Whatever. And I'm looking at this And so I was like, we're sharing stories. What do you do? How do you edit it? Whatever. And I'm looking at this clip and I'm like, it's still good. It's a good joke. It just didn't get the reaction I thought it would. And then Ballard saw it online and went, hey, there was a big laugh at the end of it.

And he's like, where did it? And I said, I shot a special last year. Oh, nice. Reusing laughter. Wow. I heard those laughs. I remember those laughs on MASH. What's happening here?

This is like when there'd be a laugh track on Scooby-Doo and you're like, these people didn't watch this cartoon dog life. Where the fuck's this from? That's a laugh from the fairground owner getting fucking unmarked. What the fuck's going on here? Wow.

I was saying to Tom, what I really want to do is finish the punchline and then cut to a stadium of people at a soccer game with flares going on. Yeah. That's great. You said you can only see two people's heads and it's that much laughter

and their heads just aren't moving. Yeah. Rock solid. I've got to see this clip. Is it still up? I want the views, of course. Click on it. Fuck yeah. All right. Just know, everyone, every time you see this clip. Is it still up? I want the views, of course. Click on it. Fuck yeah.

All right. Just know, everyone, every time you see a clip of Dave Thornton doing comedy, you cannot trust those laughs. Even now, if you're laughing at him now, you're probably not. We're piping in some of Eddie Murphy's roar through those things here, I think.

Wait. Hear the Salada laughs. Laughs off his line. I love comedy. Yeah. Almost as much as I love Saladas. Yeah, from before. That's done.

Thank God I didn't talk over that one. No. All right, I think we've got to get out of here, right? Do we? What's the time? Yeah, we're... I like that. We've got to get out of here. Not one person argues. Anyone got any questions they want Tom to answer?

This is your last chance. I mean, I've got ten, but if you want to jump in, if that's a term, I'm not sure. Can you get the Mardi Gras to sponsor this episode? Those are educational as hell. Yeah, I love it. I love to learn. The Mardi Gras think to themselves,

we'll get the word out about Mardi Gras on the Little Dum Dum Club. I've always thought that should be my drag name, Mardi Gras. That would be great. That's great. Martin Gras. Has anyone done that? Martin Gras. That's all yours, Carl.

Okay. But Martin's a boy's name, so what, you're doing drag as a man? Yeah, I dress up as a man, yes. He's doing it right now. I'm in drag right now. And it's, you know, Mardi Gras. It's a play on the idea of being gay. Is it like being double-crossed?

Like, you're in drag again on top of that? Like, can you... I feel like you got thrown really early in the ep and you've been trying to play catch-up ever since. There's a lot of concepts. You got scared you were going to get cancelled about ten minutes in and you've been distracted since then. Is that fair?

We'll take that bit out. It's fine. Start being funny now. Fuck off. I think you've been smoking too much meth in the Comics Lounge car park. It's all those vaccines I took. Wait, do they know this? No. All right, we better wrap it up. I'm an ice addict. Do they know this? No.

Alright, we better wrap it up. Guys, thank you very much for joining us. Give a big round of applause to Zim Hussain, Dave Thornton, Tom Ballard. Thank you very much for joining us. And we'll see you next time. See you next time. See you, mates.

And they've done it again. Oh, most of us have. Yeah. I did start putting Naz's face on a few milk cartons halfway through that episode. Well, we should say I hope people enjoyed listening to that. When we were all kind of debriefing in the green room afterwards, I don't think you felt this but certainly me

Dave and Nazeem all commented that we were having a tough time hearing each other up there I think I was smack bang

in the middle with the acoustics of that room being what they are very echoey and very like yeah hard to hear on certain parts

of that stage sounds like a lot of people making excuses I wouldn't do that to you dear listener no I was right in the middle so I could hear everyone a bad workman blames his venue that stage. Sounds like a lot of people making excuses. I wouldn't do that to you, dear listener. No, I was right in the middle so I could hear everyone. A bad workman blames his venue.

Has that ever happened as like a comedian meltdown? You know, it's like someone's not doing well, they'll be like, ah, you guys are all fucking stupid. You don't get these jokes. Like, that's a next level of it. It's like, ah, this room's fucked. The acoustics in here are shit. No one can hear me. Yeah, that's good.

Blaming the room because then you're like, look, I'm not blaming you, the audience. I'm sure you're laughing really loudly, but it's being muted by this room. Especially if it's like your solo show and it's like the eighth night in a row you've done it in there. All the others have been fine. Something's off tonight. the acoustics are real bad

and just instead of like having a meltdown and you're just yelling at the audience going fuck you or whatever it's like

it's just the comic saying mate I'm on your side but let's gang up on the architect in this joint fucking what a cunt yep

but no fun stuff. A little end to something I was talking about that I didn't get to bring up on stage was the dream that my fiancé had about me being gay at our wedding. Yes. And then as I was leaving for Adelaide,

she said, oh, who's on the show? And I said, Tom Ballard, Nazeem Hussain and Dave Thornton. And she said, all men. I bet you love that. What is it with this show about both of our partners thinking we're gay in the last six months? Yeah, I mean, well, I mean, look, to be fair, yours is your partner finding messages where you're sending to someone,

I am gay. No, no, no. It wasn't saying that. I'm going to suck you off and fuck your ass. Let's put that on the record. It was those things. What is it with our partners thinking this about us? I didn't say I'm going.

I simply said I'm going to suck a man's dick. That's all. I mean, I think her thinking that comes from a pretty valid place. Mine's just snuck into the subconscious somehow. Just because my fingerprints are on the rifle doesn't mean that I pulled the trigger i mean it is an interesting like which is worse like her finding like messages receipts hard evidence like right in front of her of you saying these things or me where i'm battling against someone's subconscious yeah like i have to go literally made it up and then yeah and then he's submitting that. Like I have to go... She literally made it up and then is submitting that as evidence.

I have to go... Well, it's almost worse because it's like I have to go inception into her brain to be like, what's planted this in there? Yeah. Like the things that you dream about, like they come from something. Right. What have I done in the real world to have this come up so vividly when you're asleep? Well, yeah, a lot of people walked out yesterday, not walked out, but at the end of it, once

we'd finished, and said they'd learnt a lot. Yeah, it was very educational. Yeah. Which I'd rather hear people coming out and saying that was really funny, but whatever. We're just like Sesame Street now. Yeah. Yeah. Fun times.

We're still in Adelaide. We are here the next day. This is the next day after the recording and we're sitting in your hotel room, Tommy, in Adelaide, in downtown Adelaide. I just checked out of my hotel room and yours is a lot nicer than mine. Yeah. I would say, I booked mine after seeing the pictures online and I would say this, Tommy, whoever took those pictures, we should get them for our next photo shoot because that

would make us look like- Make us look really big. Fucking- Clean and big. That would make us look better than $40 a night. That would make us look like $130 a night rather than $40 a night, I would say. Oh, by the way, when I met you downstairs in the lobby as we were getting into the lift, I started talking to you saying that you're a prostitute from an escort service.

Yes. Just for the person at the front counter's enjoyment and the doors were closing. Yes. And so if there's a knock on the door and we wrap this up very quickly, dear listener, you'll know it's because we got kicked out of this hotel well i think they would have been here by now because you were saying that and as the doors were closing i yelled out let's fuck in the elevator so i don't think you're sitting on that one for too long i mean i think they're sitting there going like look if we're going

to kick him out for this we at least want him to have his you know all right he may get his rocks off if he's going to be out in the street right you know he might if he're going to kick him out for this, we at least want him to have his, you know. Oh, right. He may as well. Get his rocks off first. If he's going to be out in the street, you know, if he's going to be kicked out for a crime, he may as well commit the crime. God, imagine, imagine. We can't kick him out if we go in there and they're just spooning. Yeah. Imagine seeing someone hire an escort at 10.30am in Adelaide. On a Sunday.

Hey, you know what? I'm sure that is probably a common time. Oh, actually, this is probably still up. Still up. Yeah. You know, brutal night the night before. You know, Saturday night, people are out partying. Tensions can run high.

People can end up in an argument. You wake up Sunday morning, you're like, I'm so off the miso. Right. I'm going straight to the sex workers i think it'd be more like yeah someone having a massive night and then going and getting to a stage right now not knowing what the fuck time it was yeah and going all right let's finish this night off with a bang yeah um let us know let us know sex workers that listen yes what are

the we do have them what are the peak? Yeah, I would love to know that. I would love to know, yeah, peak times and if that's a normal thing, Sunday morning. I drove past the other day the brothel that's next to the McDonald's in Clifton Hill. One of the all-time great combos, just on the same block. The one next to the nice looking one in clifton hill yeah the the yeah right there's yeah there's like a brothel like literally like backs on to that oh yeah did you have a joke about that or maybe did we talk about on the pot about that we probably talked about it like you definitely like like it it looks out like over where the kitchen is of

the mcdonald's oh wow like you would Like you definitely would be able to smell Donnie's when you're in there getting your rocks off. Yeah, great, great. What would smell worse, a brothel or McDonald's? Oh, yeah. The idea of like someone like standing over the grease trap in the McDonald's just being like, oh, God, that fucking brothel smell. Yeah.

The smell of caramel wafting. Close the window. Putting me off my McNuggets. Where's that fish smelling coming from? The fillet of fish or the brothel next door? You know the thing when you're like, if you've ever worked at a very specific type of food place or whatever and you just can't ever eat that food again,

or certainly not for a very long time. I worked at Grilled and I really like, you just can't, you know, you can't ever eat that food again. Or certainly not for a very long time. Like I worked at Grilled and I was like, I can't go near Grilled for such a long time now. The idea of someone having that with a brothel, it's like, yeah, I used to work on the front desk of a brothel and like, I just can't be around calm anymore. It really put me off calm. It's really put me off having hard-ons.

Actually, you know, sorry. So, yeah, did you have a follow up with that no you just saw it the other day I just remembered it existed

and you know it's just always it just always fills my heart with joy I mean that's I've always been fascinated by the idea of like what's the

you know how many how many people on a given week are hitting both of them yeah going for a Donny's and then a follow up yes

or like vice versa you know going in probably more likely no for a Donny's and then a follow up yes or like vice versa you know going in probably more likely no you hit the brothel and then you're like exactly god I could go a quarter pounder

I really hope someone's not fucking cleaning up at McDonald's and then goes yeah I need to get sucked off after this yep

and someone's and some poor worker in there is having to suck the fucking McDonald's sauce out of someone's dick yeah again I'd love to know yeah I just would love to know how if there's someone who's like there's some sort of

is there some sort of meal deal happening there people can take it oh is it like you know how like some bars if they don't have a kitchen but they've like worked out a deal with like the mexican place next door yeah you can order tacos just at the bar and they'll bring them over yeah you're in your room in the brothel you you can get Maccas delivered to your door. Yeah. Is there some sort of extra happy meal? Yeah. Where you go, where you can get the meal and then have the toy shoved up your ass next

door or something? Being an Uber Eats driver and getting the delivery and it's like from McDonald's Clifton Hill to the Scarlet Madam next door. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be good. I'd love there to be some sort of deal, some sort of thing happening between the two businesses.

Quick follow-up. Let's get onto the names very soon because we're working against the clock. We've got to go and do an actual episode for next week. With the burger. Shout-out to the Adelaide Burger Lovers Facebook group. Get in there, even if you're not in Adelaide shout out to the Adelaide burger lovers Facebook group get in there even if you're not in Adelaide for a bit of fun

to look at a lot of passion in there like I said like I said last year there's a Melbourne equivalent and it sucks it's boring no one gives a fuck

it's like it'd be it'd be lucky to be Melbourne burger likers they're not into it at all there's so much more I just think Adelaide is just a city where people who live here have so much more pride about

their city than I think any other major city in Australia. I think. There's some stuff I didn't get around to which I think were good gear. There were people in that group that know who I am now that are like, here's this guy. It's fringe time.

This guy puts this thing in. He's going fishing. but there's heaps of people that aren't like that which is much appreciated um uh this guy matthew says my recommendations are diamond burger shouted to diamond burger stacks and burger incredible not sure if any of them are melbourne style but if you ask nicely they may be able to serve it in a shoe or put a top hat on it or something to make you feel at home. I love the Adelaide vibes towards Melbourne because you're like, I think we've talked about this before. It's like, we talked about this meme the other day, you know, from Mad Men where it's like, I think blah, blah, blah about you. And then Don Draper going, I don't think about you at all. There's a

little bit of that happening with Melbourne Adelaide. Yeah, and it's like a 45-minute flight away. You know what I mean? It's not like having this, oh, yeah, over there they do it like this. It's so close. And also I would argue Adelaide is almost becoming more hipster than Melbourne in the style of venue that's here, like the cool little wine bars and all that kind of stuff that's popping up.

I wish we had stuff like that in Melbourne. Yeah, it's great. I really like Adelaide. Yeah, so there was a bunch of – what I'm loving is the – you find out the feelings towards Melbourne in here because I'm fishing. I'm in there going, I'm from Melbourne. I'm a big band.

And then they say, this guy Toby. I thought Melbourne style – because I'm asking for Melbourne style burgers. I thought Melbourne style was not washing your hands before you made the burgers. Is that us? Is that based on us having been in lockdown because of so many COVID cases? I've got no idea. That's me being generous. You're putting a lot of thought into that.

If I was trying to pick where that comes from. Are we dirt town? Are we yucky? I mean, we were like the most lockdown. you know you're putting a lot of thought into that if I was trying to pick where that comes from are we dirt town well maybe are we yucky I mean we were like the most locked out you know every other city I think when all that was going on

was like ah look at that full of disease down there but I thought we would yeah look I think we would go crazy looking into that too hard I just think that's such a funny

just like yeah they're dirty over there they stink they're idiots and so they're full of mud yeah um which is great.

What else? Yeah, just a lot of like, yeah, we don't like Victorians. Nathan says, we're lucky enough over this way to have fresh produce, so no need to settle for Melbourne-style burgers. So, yeah, we're not fresh. Chips are still called chips, but we use actual potatoes. So it might be a shock. But trust me, once you've had real potato,

you never go back to that powdered shit again. Powdered. We eat powdered chips, apparently. There is certainly a different etiquette required when this far west. We use, maybe hard to pronounce, please to request an item from a vendor and the phrase thank you to signify gratitude once you've received the item.

Strange, I know. I also love this far west. Over here in the west. How's this? A lot of places have indoor toilets, but like a lot of places. Not everywhere. A lot of places have indoor toilets, but unlike a lot of places. So not everywhere. Not everywhere. A lot of places have indoor toilets,

but unlike your familiar stomping ground, we prefer things a little bit more spread out so the shitter isn't just an extension of the kitchen. Wow. Yucky. Wow. We just shit in the oven back over east. Sing out if you have any other questions

as I'm sure you'll be able to find someone to help again. Someone to help. Again, I know, strange. So we're rude. We shit in the fucking microwave. We don't even have an actual potatoes. But then, you know, we're saying this like, oh, yeah, isn't it wild what they think of us?

But then anyone from Adelaide listening to how we carried on in this live episode yes you'd be completely vindicated yes like yeah but i knew it we're being silly we're being very very silly but these people like have fucking god i don't know melbourne fucking touched them when they were kids or something um one last one i think uh yes peter says oh yes melbourne the place where you can't tell if they're saying Mel or Mal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. They use processed meat in their lamb kebabs and they call chicken parmigiana a parma,

even though it's spelt par-me. Uh-oh. Not to mention how it takes two hours to drive about 15K down the ring road all the Monash. That's fair. Our traffic does suck that's fair i'm so jealous of such an amazing place i'm not sure if i'll drive 20 minutes to the beach or 20 minutes to the hills today maybe i'll pop down to mclaren vale and stop at a couple of breweries or a burger joint on the way they're all under an hour tops that that all is completely fair i will

say i don't It does rule here. Like 15 minutes out of the city, you're in like the most beautiful, like, you know, scenery you can possibly get. Yeah. This guy's hit the nail on the head. Well. Get him in. Well, again, like, it's great. What's this guy?

Yeah. He says, just enjoy not getting stabbed for a few days oh are we is this melbourne or hell's kitchen that we live in yeah and also i mean i would say that rough end of hindley street is like at least as bad if not worse than any of the seedy parts of oh absolutely where i just stayed fucking hell it's as bad as uh as anywhere in melbourne um yes, look, I love their passion, their pride in the burgers over here. And they've got good burgers as well. Yeah.

I think I might go because he was the nicest to me. Shout out to Stacks Burger, which I think is renowned as the best, if not one of the best. So I might go there today. I have been there before and they were excellent. It was good. Very popular place.

Let's get going. Yes, we better get going. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. If you want to support the show, if you enjoy getting it for free every week, chuck us a few bucks. We really appreciate it. And in return, you get two bonus mini episodes every week in the inbox. There's a few hundred on there. Huge backlog for you to get stuck into if you sign up now.

And also, you go into the draw to get your name read out and immortalized at the end of a podcast. And here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers. Subscriber this week, first cap off the rank, Penny Carrington. Penny Carrington. Love it. Penny. Someone called Penny listening to this show fills me with some joy.

My friend's dog is called Penny. Oh. Mm-hmm. Someone thinks they're, oh, no, I was going to say, someone thinks they're Inspector Gadget, but that wasn't the dog, was it? That was the girl. That was the girl. What was the dog?

Brains. Brain. Brain, I think, yeah. I was going to say Brian, but that's Family Guy. Yeah. Oh, by the way, we should mention what didn't make it in the episode. Oh, yes. I had this idea to do,

because I talked last year about going to see The Stripsons, The Strip Simpsons show. Yes. And I was going to sell. Which is on, which is still on. Which is on again this year. Yeah. Go check it out.

It was great. You should explain it. People won't be able to know what's going on. It's The Simpsons, but in the nude. Yeah. You get to see Bart's little dickie. Yeah. You get to see Maggie's clunge.

Maggie not getting a look in. Sexy Flanders getting a look in. Oh, yeah. What else? Smithers. Someone does the, like, Edna Krabappel when she's got the balloons and she's, like, popping. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's a bit of that.

I'm sure we talked about this last year, but Lisa? Yeah, there's a bit of Lisa. Yep. Who's in the show is 10 years old, maybe? I don't know if the Lisa gets nude, though. I think there's a person that is dressed as her, but I don't think there's any striptease of that nature. But Bart, yes?

There's a thing of Bart where it was like a lady playing him, much like on the actual show. Yes. And she had like a little fake dick at one point, I think from memory. That's great.

Anyway, so I talked about that. It's back this year. Go check it out if you're in Adelaide. And I was going to set up on the show that I've seen an even better show this year, sort of in the same vein, Strip Family Guy. Yes. And I managed to get one of the performers to come down here and give us a little taste.

Yes. And then the Family Guy theme was going to start up, and Nick Carr would come out dressed as Peter Griffin and get his kid off. So that happened after the show. Well, start up and Nick Carr would come out dressed as Peter Griffin. Yes. Get his kid off. So that happened after the show. Well, I talked to Nick Carr. I went down to Target and bought basically a tent for him to wear as a Peter Griffin costume, a big white shirt. And then we got stuck into all the stuff about gay sex and it just completely slipped my

mind. And I got to the end as we were wrapping up and I was like, oh, fuck. He's just been sitting back there for the last hour waiting to come out. And so he did it as like a little, I guess, encore at the end of the show. Yes, you mentioned it. So people in the room got to see it and people at home got spared from hearing it, which I think is the perfect outcome. It is. It is.

And so I think you guys would have been frustrated in the room listening to a man take his clothes off yeah but uh that happened it was very funny nick nick is very funny doing it and uh people probably went to his show i think off the back of it but what's funny is uh at the start before we started as people came in as as blakey brett blake came in he saw that giant shirt and not trying to be funny, that 5XL giant white business shirt, just saw it sitting there and just looked at me and went, is Nick Carr coming today? Just not trying to take the piss,

just like putting, just joining the dots. Not trying to be funny, just like, oh, this makes sense. That's the only person I know that would wear that. Yep. Funny. So thank you to Nick Carr for sitting. Yes for sitting so patiently backstage for such a long time. Yes. Well, I think plenty of listeners came to his show.

I think he sold out. Yeah. His room was nearly as big as his shirt. But Penny Carrington, I love it. A Penny listening to the show, and I've just checked, I believe, first ever Penny to subscribe. Okay. Yeah. So if you're listening right now and your name's Penny

and you're like, what the fuck? I listen. Well, you could have been the first penny subscriber. But there is a chance for you to be the second. Yeah. You can still be on the dais. The second penny subscriber. Or if there's a couple of you, fucking fill the dais.

Yep. I would love to get two penny subscribers this week. Yeah, please. I would love to get two penny subscribers this week. Yeah, please. I would love that. If we could get into next week's ep having three pennies that listen. If you subscribe this week and your name's Penny, I will fast track you into

next week's. Okay, great. I'll do it. It'd be great if we could get an all penny week. Get on it, everyone. Everyone's going to get fast tracked who signs up this week if their name's Penny. Yes. And then next week, five pennies. Oh. Get on it, everyone. Everyone's going to get fast-tracked who signs up this week if their name's Penny. Yes. And then next week, five pennies. Yes.

Or however many we end up doing. The more pennies we read out, the more pennies we're getting. Exactly. Beautiful. Monetarily. Yep. Pretty good stuff. Thanks, Penny.

Thanks for your pennies. Mmm. As I drink a caramel milk tea. You had a pretty small sip. I would say you had maybe a penny's worth of that bubble tea. You don't know how much I paid for that. If you break it down. Yeah.

Thanks, Penny. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Rochelle Hamer. Rochelle Hamer. Let's say, I reckon I've got it there, but it's R-A-S-C-H-E-L-L-E-H-E-Y-M-E-R. Yeah, that makes sense. Rochelle Hamer. Hamer. Now I just want to guess how much you did pay for that bubble tea.

Yeah. I mean, I never have them, so I'm at a disadvantage here because I don't know typically what the going rate is. But it's a pretty big one. Yep'm gonna say seven dollars i think it just came in a tick under i think it might have been 630 okay yeah i think so well a tick under to me would be 690 oh yeah i like that that reminds me of uh what we should doing, given what we told the receptionist. How is it? Yeah, it's all right. How is your Gong Cha bubble tea?

I was going so hard on the bubble teas. I think that was part of the lockdown schism. I just really got into the milk teas there for a while. Yeah, right. And I've been weaning myself off them, so this is a bit of a rare one. Yeah, I'm not into them. But what I do like about them, I like that fucking big old straw that you get. Yes. I love that fucking huge straw.

Yes. And I love a sealed up lid that you just get to smash your straw through. No designated little flap like on a traditional lid. Yeah. You just get to forge your own path. We talked about this. Everything else about it, yeah, yeah. No designated little flap like on a traditional lid. Yeah. You just get to like forge your own path. We talked about this. Everything else about it, not in two. Right.

Those two elements I love. Yeah. Which they existed in other drinks. I don't like the fact that I'm generally lining up, you know, behind a couple of 14-year-old girls to buy this milk tea. Oh, you don't like that? No. I wish you could get, this would be a good idea for a store.

Why can't you get a bubble... Why can't you get like a post-mix Coke that's served to you bubble tea style? Yes. They factory seal the lid. You get to smash through it with a straw that's just like fucking eight inches in diameter. That's a good... Just a fucking monster straw. That's a good point.

Yeah. Yeah. If we're all going to have to go to these paper straws that suck, that do not do the job, the least you could do is make them fucking big and thick. Yeah. Well, that's a paper one. Yeah. That's all right.

It's still in the job. It's pretty good. Yeah. But like I said the other way, I generally don't like straws, but I will make an exception for this. For the bubble tea. Yeah. For slurping those big gooey bits of shit that are in there. Well, I don't get the gooey bits of shit.

I don't get the balls. I don shit. I don't get the balls. I don't get any of that shit. So you just... What is this then? You're just having a milk tea? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's cold and it's...

So wait, you line up at the bubble tea place and you're like, one bubble tea, hold the bubbles. No. Is that what they... I guess... Is that what they count as bubbles, even though they're not bubbles? Yeah, that's the little bits. That's a bubble tea.

Well, they don't come with it, because they say they're add-ins. So if they're calling that bubble tea, that seems a bit ingenuous. So what is that? What did you order? The caramel milk tea. That's all it is. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Right. So you don't say, hold the bubbles. come they go do you want anything else in there and i'm like no right because i i actually hate it when you get those like mix-ins in there because you're drinking and all of a sudden your fucking straw gets blocked by a big fucking ball yeah yeah like it's infuriating well this is you could just get this at starbucks possibly yeah i'm i'm not i'm not saying that you can't i feel like i've been lied to no yeah i am thinking you're drinking a bubble tea slurping down those little nuggets in there no no you're just having a fucking frappuccino i'm not i'm look the deal was wasn't like it's all not all hinging on bubbles existing it's like

it's basically what i'm doing is I go to those shops to get these things because it reminds me of Thailand when you're there, they're getting like a Thai tea there. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they're the same deal. Yeah. Same sort of thing. So I'm not like, where's my fucking bubbles? I'm like, I want to pretend I'm in Chewing Beach for five seconds.

I'm cosplaying. Yeah. I can't drink a Singer at 10.30am in Adelaide, so I'll do the next best thing. I'll drink one of those. I mean, you could if you wanted. Yeah, I think you could, actually. But Rochelle. Yep.

I reckon that's the classiest. Like, Rochelle, I'm sorry, but Rochelle's a bit of a dead shit girl name. But this is, I think, but this is the best way you can do it. The best spelling. R-A-S-H-E-L-L-E. That's good. Yeah. I think.

Rochelle. The best way you could possibly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're making a silk purse out of a sow's ass. Rochelle already a bit bogan and then you've sort of misspelled it. So is that like ultra bogan? Yeah. But you've misspelled it in the best possible way

you've made it better if you the other way is the misspelling yeah if you yes if you can spell rochelle in a better way than that i'd like to fucking see it yeah so um you know credit credit where it's due you've done well um given limited uh you know what Have we ever floated this idea? I was telling you yesterday about how my fiancé is a big fan of the show Love is Blind, which some people have probably watched, the Netflix reality dating show. People go on dates, but they can't see each other. They're just talking. And so it's all based on just truly vibing out with each other.

What about we do a version of that, but it's even further stripped back. It's like you literally just get a list of names and then you choose who you want to get married to based on their name. You get no other information about them. It's so close to what we do already. A rose by any other name. And it's like, here she is, Rochelle Hamer. Oh my God, she's beautiful.

I knew it. You know what? If we had done this a few weeks ago, you know what I would have built up to? Episode 700, I will reveal, I'll go through the UTA findings. I will find the most attractive name we've ever read out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I should go back through the catalogue, do one, two, three. Maybe I'll do that in a few weeks or something. Yeah, let's do it at a live one. Let's start to do some countdowns of hottest names. All right, all right. Yeah, one of the Melbourne live ones, let's do a reveal of the top three best, sexiest names. Yep.

And the bottom three worst, worst names. Oh, okay, Argos. Yeah, yeah. The ugliest names that have ever subscribed to this show. Yeah. And hey, maybe we get lucky and we find out that in the room

we have one of the hotties and we also have one of the Argos and we can set them up. Names are blind. Yeah. Yeah, this is good. That's good. Names are blind. Yeah. Yeah. This is good.

This is actually good. This is because, like, you know, love is blind. The idea of it is based on names. Names is blind. Can we call it that? The other,

like, love is blind is based on the idea that like these other dating shows, like they just don't work. They're too superficial. We've got to strip it back. And I love the idea that even love is blind

gets to that point. You know, it's like, ah, this is too, you know, it's all too, it's all too like superficial you know people get people get like people get into the idea of someone's voice and how they sound yeah you know we really need to

strip people back to just their core essence yeah the name that they were given at birth yeah uh well thanks rochelle you know you're in the running thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jeremy Fry okay yeah okay

I mean look let's get that out of the way Futurama there's a guy called Fry in there apart from that there's a guy called Fry isn't there the main character

yeah yeah right if that didn't happen is that a cool name or not fry i was i always liked the name yeah i always thought it was cool that he was called fry in the show and then it's kind of funny i don't know what point it comes up but it's like oh it's his last name yeah how very australian of them right everyone in that show is just referring to each other as their last name oh right right right right fry yeah look, that would be annoying, I think, to have Futurama existing and have those references.

Because apart from that, it's like, man, there's enough going on. Chips are called Fries. You know? That's good. Yeah, I like, but, I mean, either way, I like it as a surname. Jez Fry. Yeah. It is a bit like, it's pretty like unevenly weighted.

Quite long first name. Very short condensed surname. What would you rather go with? And I'm sure we must have talked about this before, but if you needed, would you rather have three syllables in your first name and one in the last or vice versa? Vice versa. Really? Yeah.

So you'd rather be? Fry Jeremy. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Right. Yeah. So you'd rather be... Fry Jeremy. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Right. Yeah. I don't know. For me, I don't know.

It does... It's something about... I feel like the surname should be longer, for sure. Yeah. Look, that's the traditional way. This is where we all should have always ended up. Actually doing a thesis on... I think surname...

Doing a thesis on how names work this is what we've got to like we've been talking about it for so long we should write a thesis on the perfect like you know you get those news items that come out on associated press they'll go yeah there's always every single day there's a study yeah i work at the project yeah i work at the project and that's so much of it is like you're combing through the news and finding there's a study from minnesota where it says if you wash your hands before bed you will get a better sleep you're like 80 percent more yeah yeah i i love seeing them because i'm always like there's three a day at least but i'm always like

this isn't the the actual result of the study isn't that's not the headline to me the headline is who did this and why yeah yeah who was inspired to go you know what we gotta find out what effect there is if any

on washing your hands before bed yeah yeah yeah so we we need to get funded and then how do you line that up we need to get funded we need to be

University of Dum Dum we're finding out the exact the best possible name or the best possible syllables for your first name and your second name. What's the best combination of names? We do need something to legitimize this hour that we spend every week because it is truly pathetic how much time we spend sitting around just talking about people's names.

Yes. Like at this point, I mean, you can't even really make the argument that this is part of the job. Yeah. Like it kind of is, but also it could not exist and I think the difference would be negligible. Yes. I don't think anyone would drop off the Patreon because they're like, well, if they're not

reading the names out, I'm out. Yeah. I don't think we'd even get a post in one of our Facebook groups about it. Wondering about it. Yeah. yeah if anything it might go up there'd be there'd be one in like 10 years time going whatever happened to talking dumb know when they did the names right that would be right um but i love the studies that go every day if you keep an eye on it like i said that's so much part of finding like stories for the project you go through the internet finding things that have happened that day in these studies and whatever but it's just like this revolving lineup of news stories it'll be like this it'll be one day it'll be like yeah scientists have proven you know

um uh drinking coffee during the day um helps you sleep at night you know the next day it's the exact opposite results of the studies. You know what there's a lot of that me and my fiancé share back and forth with each other? Dogs. They are always doing studies about the effect of dogs on the human brain. Oh, you sleep 30% better if your dog is cuddled up next to you. You're 80% likely to have less stress if you hug your dog

for 15 minutes every day and brother i cannot get enough of these stories every time i read a new story about how much loving your dog is better for you you'd better believe the great man is getting a big old hug and a thank you right thank you cupy i Thank you for lowering my stress. You know, there's a lot of, and you know, these universities that pump these stories out and whatever, I guess they're trying to justify their funding and all that sort of stuff. But I'll tell you, there's always a fucking odd spot story about some cunt in Minnesota winning the fucking lottery and whatever happened to him that day.

It's like there's always someone. It's so hard to get a story on the project about some weird lottery winner like i don't even try anymore like that's part of the job you're like hey what about this this could be a good chat we talk about this lottery winner it's like fucking every day some cunt is winning the lottery and then it's like oh and you know what's funny about him winning the lottery he actually um dropped his coke that day so it's quite ironic, isn't it? Yeah. Not really. Yeah.

Yeah, just something else happened to him that day as well, apart from winning a lot of money. Life's all pretty random. Yeah. We better move on, but just quickly before we do, why don't we just practice this great new format? Jeremy Fry, hottie or naughty? I reckon he's hot.

Me too. Hot name, I should say. I would say the Fry The Fry That's how I'd refer to him If I knew him Frenchie The Fry Frenchie

No don't do that Don't do that No the Fry Chip I would say Fry's doing so much Of the heavy lifting I don't particularly like

Jeremy as a first name Okay But with the Fry Added I quite like it as a whole yeah okay yeah i'm picturing as a whole i'm picturing like a yeah i'm picturing a pretty like built chiseled guy no weirdly which i mean he's listening to and subscribes to this so that cannot be the case but it's just taking the name at face value ironically enough don't ugly show me our listeners they don't like. There's plenty out there that think they're fucking 11s. They still listen to it.

Yep. I mean, I don't know. If I was an 11, I wouldn't fucking listen to any podcast. I'd be out there. What would you be listening to? Just getting sucked off 24-7. But thanks, Jeremy Fry. Thanks, Jez.

Yep. Thanks, Jezza. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber David Evans. Boom. Line and length. Five letters. I hate to say it. Five letters each name.

Not a hottie. Not a hottie. Not a hot name. Well, it's a real six out of ten name, so I can't help but think it's a real six out of ten person. Yeah. I don't know. What do you do? Yeah, I'm getting little weasel man.

I would say... A little weasel man energy from this name. I would say... I mean, look, you were born... Your slave name was Thomas. You're now a Tommy. Not really a Tom. Just a Tommy.

Yeah. Generally, if I'm meeting someone, I'll introduce myself as tom oh yeah yeah okay um david if you're a david would you go with dave or would you stick with david that's tough that is really tough um i'd be i mean i'd be like everyone in comedy and go with Dave. Is there many Davids in comedy? They're all Daves. There's not many Davids. I think it's pretty rare.

Yeah, that's a good point. Everyone pretty much goes with the abbreviation. It feels a lot warmer. You should just start billing him as David Hughes and just see if he sees the poster on the way and comments and goes, come on, brother. You know what? He's the guy that would absolutely not comment on that.

I bet if I did that, I bet he would walk in and not say anything about it. And then you'd have to say, hey, did you think it was funny? I called you David Hughes on the poster. And you'd go, yeah, I saw that. Yeah. And just like, I've got better shit to do than worry about that. I was walking down Rundle Street last night. It was very busy because it was Saturday night here in Adelaide.

And I saw like a bollard thing that had like three of his poster that I think we talked about on this ep, the cartoon drawing of him. Yes. And I was about to like squat down and get a photo of myself posing next to this row of cartoon Huseys. And then because it was so busy i just got really paranoid that like huesy would walk past and see me doing that and be like what are you doing oh i i messaged him last night because he was doing a show and we were just

hanging around and blah blah blah and then i was like i was like oh yeah what what what the fuck he's he's in town. He'll be around. He'll be looking for something to do. What can I say? Yeah, we were talking about this last night. Did we work this out? So he goes, he posts a picture of himself. He'd done a sold-out show.

And I said, I replied to the story on Instagram. I said, the king is here. He said, where are you guys? I said, we might go to the Rhino. And then he just goes, I'm doing an 11 p.m show as well like cool and i said so because he's doing a late night show i said snakes alive never sleeps as in you know yeah yeah it's that time night and then he replies era's tour which i was like i don't know what what that means well we were saying maybe he's talking about because that's such an old bit of his

and that's the conceit of that Taylor show is that she goes through every chunk of her life and career is kind of like divided up in the concert. Oh, is that what that means? I think maybe that's what he's making a joke like the idea of him doing the Ears show where he's like, he opens up with snakes alive and then he like brings you up to, and you know, he's going back and he's doing material about, I just met this hot girl called Holly. He's doing all that. He's doing the bit where he's like, you know, he's on his honeymoon with his new wife and

you know, she's beautiful and he's in Africa together and you know, people are looking at her being stunning and looking at him being him. You're right. And just him being able to see the look on people's faces of like, how the fuck did this happen? Yeah. And he's like, I just wanted to say to them, it's because I'm huge. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, well, that's good shit. That's good. That's good shit. Well, that's good. That's a good joke that he said that. I didn't understand. The hearse. I didn't understand that. so that's good now.

I just thought it was a very weird thing to say, which I equally enjoyed then. Can we ask him to come and do a live pod in Melbourne and ask him to do a mini Hughsy Ears Tour? Get him to just do maybe four four chart like four little things from like you know moments of his i remember i remember have you ever heard this story we gotta wrap this up very soon but uh i remember uh there's the story and we've we've talked to him about this before but the story is that people try to inspire people doing comedy like early on is that you know

you know what there was this guy who fucking sucked at comedy yep he was fucking shit ass everyone laughed at him and was like this guy sucks and then something switched and he became hughesy but he like you say this to hughesy and he's like i was never that fucking shit i don't really like that it's real like yeah it's real like um peter parker is this mild-mannered weedy little yeah no one liked him puny parker he got bitten by a radioactive comedy yes that's him hughes yes that's that that's the story of great power comes great responsibility i don't i don't think he sees it that way but everyone's like yeah yeah and there's obviously a lot of mayo on that story

it's like yeah this guy was the worst comic ever. But I do remember people saying what his material was like. And it was about fucking glassing someone and all this pretty rotten gear. And then all of a sudden, the switch has flicked. And he's gone, oh, yeah, people fucking really don't like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's figured out how to do comedy properly. And it's a bit of an overnight fucking success story. But if you ever talk to Hughes, you'll hear him talk about,

like, he was so fucking dedicated to it and he worked, you know, was a hard worker on it. Yeah. It's like, yeah, well, I guess if you do that, you are going to fucking work it out. Yeah. But, yeah, the story is that his gear was pretty fucking rotten. So I'd love to hear some real rotten stuff on that era we go rotten gear then we go errors then we go

oh sorry we go snakes alive yes then we go um yeah maybe like when he first met his wife early kid stuff present day yeah yeah yeah yeah yep i'd like that all right i like that it's I like that the way it's plotted out is these like big life moments marrying is you know

meeting the love of his life having the joy of children come into his life but then also in that segment is snakes alive

yes yes like that's a moment in itself that's a moment in his life yeah yeah yeah that's that's

Husey's 9-11 that's that's Husey's but like the opposite of that yeah yeah that's like Taylory's 9-11. That's Husey's, yeah. But like the opposite of that. Yeah. Yeah. That's like Taylor Swift dating Jake Gyllenhaal and him stealing her sweater and never giving it back or whatever.

Right. That's Snakes Alive. Yes. That's good. Thank you, David Evans. Thanks, Dave Evans. Let's just do one more and then we have to... Yeah.

Get out. Then we have to go. Let's just do one more and then we have to... Yeah, skedaddle. Then we have to go. By the way, packed green room before this show that people just... Oh, yeah. Like 20 of us in there. That's right.

We had a few people, a few friends in town who came to hang out. Yes. And, well, I mean, you just heard there was three guests plus two people backstage on the mic, plus someone about to pretend to be Peter Griffin. Yep. Plus other people. And then, yeah, that's a lot of people screaming at each other, being overly excited to be all together at once.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just fucking yelling at each other. Yeah. Which is very fun. All right. So let's just do one more. Yep. All right. So let's just do one more. Yep. All right.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Okay. This is fortuitous timing. We could have brought this up before. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Comedy Burger. Oh.

Oh, a local, I believe a local business here in Adelaide where, let me just look it up. They say, oh wow, it's a Melbourne style burger restaurant just in Adelaide. I have a sneaky suspicion we would have read this name out last year. I hope not. Well, if it's better than this, patch it in. I'd be shocked if we didn't. It says here it's Melbourne themed, and so they specialise in powdered chips.

Oh, that's nice. Powdered comedy. Just like Mama Burger used to make back home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the toilet is in the sink in the kitchen. Oh, okay. So you just walk into the kitchen and piss and shit directly in the sink. That's cool. We should go there for a little...

I am getting a bit homesick. It's been nearly 24 hours. Maybe we should go there for lunch after we do this episode. Yeah, yeah, totally. Let's go there. Come and burger. Shout out, you know, guys,

hey, get in there if you're in Adelaide. Yeah, support local business. Support local business that supports us. Thanks for listening, everyone. Thanks for subscribing on Patreon, littledumbdumbclub.com for links to that and for tickets to all the live stuff

we have coming up. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.