The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 701 - Russell Howard, Nick Capper & Harley Breen

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

We're broadcasting from a luxury hotel in Adelaide with RUSSELL HOWARD, NICK CAPPER and HARLEY BREEN! Capper's impressed by Russell's hallway, and Russell's impressed by Capper's CV of recent advertisements. We also talk about mystical nans, punching up Capper's stand-up routines, and possible future stand-up special titles. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Russell Howard, Harley Brean and Nick Capper. We have got our live shows coming up at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, March 30, April 6, April 13, April 20. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets to them and of course the Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival, June 9 until 14. That's correct and on with the show, Tommy. Let's do it. Russell Howard, Harley Bruner, Nick Capa. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dassel. And with me me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, G-Kid. Joining us today, we have three very special guests. Jesus. Please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Nick Capa, Harley Breen, and Russell Howes!

Special guests in highly different ways. There's a lot of special in this room. We're in Russell's loveliest, lovely hotel room, which Nick Capper must be blowing Nick Capper's tiny little mind because we were outside it and he was impressed by the hallway. Yeah. I heard laughter from the hallway. Yeah, to be honest, though.

Capper walked down and Capper was like, oh, this is really nice. And you go, what, a corridor? It is really nice. But Harley's room nicer. You reckon my room's nicer? Yeah, you're nicer. It's impractical. Yeah, it's impractical

but you know, it's nice. You were complaining about everything and I was like, you know, this is a really nice hotel and everything

but I was just trying to look at it through Kappa's eyes because he was like, I'm looking at your bed, but he was just looking at your couch. He was like more realistic. Like that's where I would obviously be sleeping

if I stayed in this room. Don't get me wrong. I've been in some five-star hotels lately. Yeah, for my... In the kitchen. I'm the face... The laundromat, but who cares? I was like, this is a nice washing machine I've ever seen.

I had to jump up from the dirty laundry, you know, like when you put yourself in the movies. Oh, you hid in the hamper. Yeah, yeah, I hide in the hamper. Star Wars style, yeah, yeah. No, Russell, if you don't know, I'm the face of dick pills in Australia. Oh, yes.

So every now and then they fly me down, they put me in a five-star hotel. To sell dick pills? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what is it? Is that Viagra? No, I think... You should know. Brother, I don't need to method act.

Did they just pay you cash? He's the Daniel Day-Lewis of erections. My son! My son! My left foot. That's what we're talking about. You drink from my hard cock.

I drink from your hard cock. What brand are they? What are they? It's like a middleman deal, though, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not the face of the actual pill. You're the face of the provider, aren't you?

It's like a subscription. For what? The dick pills. I'd love if... Is that to make you last longer? To come quicker? I think there's a whole range. No one needs to come quicker.

There's a thing called retarded ejaculation. Is there? Yeah, where it takes too long. And it's an unfortunately named thing, but it's called retarded ejaculation. That's what Kappa has, apart from the ejaculation. That's how he was conceived. I was waiting for this.

I was like, who's going to get in first? So what happens if somebody saw you and went, that's our guy. That's our guy, yeah. This guy has never made anyone horny in his life. Can we get vulgar? How much did they offer you and how did they sell the deal to you? This is actually a great story.

Oh, yeah. Well, we've covered this on an old episode. Apologies. Russell obviously heard it because, like me, he never misses an episode. I'm the completist. It seems you've had some kind of amnesia Russell

we forgot about an entirely old episode I can't even remember tell me oh well no what happened was was they're really nice guys

and they were like oh look we're going to pay you this amount of money and I was like I don't know if I want to be the face of Dick Pills and they'll be like

but what it's going to be is dear diary it's going to be yeah my artist also the idea of you face of dick pills and they'll be like, but what it's going to be is... Dear diary. There's going to be... Yeah. My artist. Also, the idea of you knocking back anything is incredible, by the way.

Well, I don't know. Well, I don't know. I don't know how much you're meant to charge for that kind of thing. Yes. Well, that's a good question. Like, do they give you humiliation money or whatever? You know what I mean? Like, do...

Well, if you're working for like a sports bet sort of thing... Yeah, yeah. Or cigarettes or whatever, you charge three times more or whatever it is. Lots of money in dick pills. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, well, I don't know how much to charge. And then they go, well, look, this is the way the script is going to go, is there's going to be two guys erecting tents in front of their wives.

Your tent's going to be big and strong. And meanwhile, there's going to be this other guy, this guy called Jeeves, who I know, I think he's an Indian guy and they were like you think I think I have my suspicions I heard

I heard he's Indian rumour is I heard my friend is Indian oh yeah well I used to do comedy with him years ago I hadn't seen him in about got to know him well then

yeah I didn't ask the country I only see personality. And then they said, he's going to be faffing about with his tent. Then you're going to give him the phone and go, hey, subscribe to Pilots. It's a very Australian advert, isn't it?

Because a typically Australian man can get an erection and an Indian can't. If we look at Indians, they're very good at making babies. Surely that goes the other way. And they're very hor at making babies. Surely that goes the other way. And they're very horny online already. And they invented the Kama Sutra. Were you excited about, so you're essentially the face of guaranteed erections in this country?

Yeah, yeah, man, yeah. And I thought, oh, this is going to be great. You're the face of not needing the pill. Yes. You're the anti guy. It was exactly a year, like probably to this i was when they were offering it to me and i was in adelaide fringe and i talked to tom cashman about i'm like well you've been on tv you know about deals and all that kind of stuff what do you think of this right and he goes oh man that's a that's a decent amount

of money but yeah i don't know what what what role do you play and I'm like I play the guy that has the hard dick like the strong tent and he's like man as if you wouldn't take that like that's awesome and then we got on the beers I said yeah my round let's I'll take it and my dick's paying for this yeah my dick's paying for this so here's and then he's laughing about like wouldn't be funny if they switched the script around at the last minute and stuff? And you have to do an Indian accent. Yeah. Do you know what?

I got asked to do that once. I was auditioning for a Bollywood film for a TV show I did with my mum. What? And it was a room full of Indian people and they were like, oh, that was good. Can you now do it in an Indian accent? And I was like, no.

Absolutely not. Why not? And I was like no absolutely not why not and i was like and it was just this unbelievable you know when a moment seems to go on for hours and they were just staring at me do the indian accent i just couldn't break at the very least i'm gonna need you to turn that camera off so there's no evidence of me having my mom's hair just do it and she was sort of shaking no head. No. Mum was doing the head. If I'd have done it right, I could have been playing the role of a man whose penis didn't work next to you.

Yeah. They're like, you've got to do it, Russell. You're already wearing the make-up. Yeah. Which we didn't ask for, but good job, brother. Yeah, exactly. What were you going to be doing in a Bollywood movie? It was for some...

I was going to be like someone in the background. It's for a TV show me and my mum were doing and part of it was like getting in a Bollywood film and my mum was we sort of shot this sort of film Bollywood style film

and yeah it was good fun well it was like Brett Lee became a Bollywood star after his cricket career went over and did he? yeah

fastball yeah became quite a big Bollywood sensation presumably playing the role of Brett Lee in most of it. I think so. I think it was Slumdog Millionaire 2.

How's that? Man, I watched that fucking stumbly run-up to that joke, and it went well. Not technically a joke, but we all laugh, so I guess it is. It would be sick to be in... Have you seen that film triple r like being being in one of those like old colonial movies and being like the evil white man

would be such a fucking plantation yeah yeah yeah yeah no yeah i haven't seen that film no it's good it's like uh there's just like evil evil white old englishman like every white person in there is just like the most horrendously evil character you've ever seen. That's pretty true, dude. Except in this one, it's Russ and his mum are both the evil characters. I don't think my mum could do evil. Remember, you know that question when you go, what's your death row meal? I said to my mum, what's your death row meal?

And she was thinking for ages and she's like, what did I do? And you're like, it's just a fucking hypothetical. I don't know hypothetical you killed a pig with a hammer she was like oh i just have toast she took it so specifically i don't deserve a meal after what i've done the other day you're on the phone to her and um she's straight out of the gate she goes oh i think i'd like that and you're like what being a comedian and she was like yeah I could give it a go if it meant I was in Australia

if it meant I was in that lovely hotel room yeah it's very it's very exciting you sort of forget how lucky you are and then if you take

a Michael with you on tour you realise how exciting it is to be in a hotel so I remember the first time me and my mum did this travel show she was like oh my god

there's kettles there's a tr to pass there's fucking chocolates on my bed like she'd really get along with kappa oh my god there's a hallway that will be a show my mom and you yeah look we're going down a hallway and we're not sideways on look at the girth on this car. You want to know a thing or two about girth? Call back to me. Mrs. Howard, come in. All right. All right, mate.

No, no, I mean come in. I'll show you the kettle. Yeah. Is that what you call it? Yeah. It whistles. It whistles. It boils hot.

Sorry, I took too many. I get them for free. I get them free. So because the end of that was that you had the script switched on you when you got there. Yeah, I did. You did have to be the flaccid dick guy. Yeah, I had to be the flaccid dick guy.

Have you had much blowback online since it's been on? Pun intended. It's so funny. It's so unfair because all my mates played rugby league and they all wanted to Played rugby league And they all wanted To be big rugby league stars And then they all just You know

Fell to the wayside And they were like Oh god I'd love to play The state of origin That'd be my dream Guess who got on The state of origin Right at the start

What's the state What's the state Big rugby league game Big rugby league game The biggest rugby league game Biggest of the year Yeah biggest Yeah probably One of the biggest

sporting events in Australia oh wow and what were you doing there I was I was with the rugby league players and I was trying to pump up a footy ball this is on the ad

yeah this is on the ad oh nice but they played it during the state of origin yeah played it during the state of origin everyone cheered for me it was a beautiful moment

it's a big deal it's a big deal yeah and then I was like sorry boys this one's not getting through the posts and then they give me the phone a beautiful moment it's a big deal it's a big deal yeah and then I was like sorry boys this one's not getting through the post and then they give me the phone

and then the ball's hard yeah so it was so the Super Bowl have got Beyonce but the NRL State of Origin have got you yeah

this paints a beautiful picture of Australia in relation to the rest of the world please tell me a bit like Janet Jackson someone got your tit out just imagine that you got one ball out got one ball out yeah you Jackson, someone got your tit out. Just imagine that. You got one ball out.

Got one ball out, yeah. You got 100% of your balls out. Well, you do an ad for Flaccid Dicks. I did an ad for Denture Glue. Oh, man, that's awesome. Is it? Is that better than yours? Well, they treat you really well, lads.

They're really nice. Yeah. They fly you nice. They fly up. I've stayed in rooms like this. You've stayed in the nicest corridors in Australia. What have you ever turned an ad down? Me? No. Anybody? No.

Yeah, I did once. I did, honestly. There was like a meat ad where you had to play you had to play triplets just specific someone flogged this meat it's just a guy

selling meat it's pretty basic with you isn't it meat in general eat meat in general I wish when we were saying you're the face of dick pills

I wish that was like very literal like I wish I wish they were like you know those Flintstones shaped vitamins like if the dick pill was just a little Nick Capper just a little mini Nick Capper that you're chewable I wish that was very literal. I wish they were like those Flintstones-shaped vitamins. Like if the dick pill was just a little Nick Capper.

Just a little mini Nick Capper. A little chewable Nick Capper. Or you just have to pop it down your urethra. Just like that. A little fantastic voyage. Yeah, and it talks. It's got like a little chip in it. Oh, that'd be great.

A little microchip. Here we go again. This is my worst bit of the job. And then when you have sex, this is my best bit. Your impression of me is weird. As it goes in. Now, this is a corridor. I've done impressions of you a lot because I, you know,

and I feel like I should fess up. I've never used it on TV. But I've told a lot of... My father-in-law loves your joke. I think it's the best joke on alcohol beer. Non-alcohol beer. Yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks, mate.

It's genius. Have you heard that gag? Yeah, this is it. So this is my capo. He's physically doing capo. This is great. He's doing the eyes. So it's just that,

and then non-alcohol beer, all the calories, none of the stories. That's the joke. That is the joke. He does it exactly like that. That is such a good joke. By the way, that's not his joke. You've punched it up and made it better.

Mine is, why would you want to get fatter and still be yourself? I'll lose all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you did it way better Do we like that All of the calories None of the story Yeah yeah Fuck

There is a reason Why you're doing bigger crowds I've just come onto it now It's just that moment It's why Russell Sells better than you But it's If only you had your joke

You could be doing bigger crowds But it's your brain Yeah yeah I loved it. Russ, do you think the impression that you just did was okay and you wouldn't do

the Indian voice in the audition? What you've just done is special face, I have to tell you. Now that, that is a, that is a show time.

Man, that is good. I like that. His show this year is called Meat Oblong. So next year, Meat Oblong 2, special face. Yes, that's good. Man, that is good. I like that. His show this year is called Meat Oblong. So next year, Meat Oblong 2, special face. Yes, that's good. Man, that is, I will use that next year. Special face.

Special face. How's that? Because I've been trying to write about it lately because I do have a divisive face. Like there are people, and I'm not a, I never give people bad looks or anything. You don't look like you're in control of your face. Yeah, they go...

I go to the gym, and I've been going to... My wife and I have been going to this gym for, like, nine months, and there are people we see, like, every day, and they are nice to everyone else, and they just look at me and go, I can't be bothered with this guy. Like, you know, like this... I don't know, I just can't be bothered with him.

You know, he's too friendly and... Oh, is that... And his face looks weird. I don can't be bothered with him. You know, he's too friendly and his face looks weird. You know what I mean? This guy just looks like trouble. You look like you wouldn't wear, you look like you'd wear cut-offs and denim. To the gym. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I've thought about it.

And like sort of big boots, like working boots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do look like fun trouble though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good fun trouble. That's again a great show, special face and fun trouble. Special face, fun trouble. You're set like Fun Trouble though. You look like Fun Trouble. That's again great show. Special face and Fun Trouble.

Special face Fun Trouble. You're set for the next two years. I'll take Fun Trouble. You're wearing

like, no they're not corduroys are they? What are they? She knows. Golf.

What you're wearing today is a very weird set up for a normal person but quite normal for you but

you also look like the sort of guy that would wear exactly this outfit to the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Yeah, I was actually thinking about

playing pickleball after this and I didn't bring any of my sports. Actually, you look a bit like an old man's gone for a swim in a lake and he's left all his clothes by the riverbank and you've come along in your best and you've gone, well, that'll do for me.

Because every, the shoes, the socks, like that. What are on the socks? So somewhere. Yeah, he looks like he's come from the future. He's unemployed Terminator, come back to make things even worse and then gone, I need your shoes and your clothes

because I didn't even have any in the future. I need your shoes and your clothes. What are you going to do? I'm just going to have a wonder about it. And then they're keeping tabs on that robot. Where's he gone? Ah, fuck knows, man. He's doing a show called Special.

Yeah, yeah. Terminator has come back from the future just to play Pickleball. Yeah, and to do Open Mind. Yeah, yeah. I like the look. Are you a Pickleball player? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuck, it looks good. They call it Padel in Europe. Oh, that's a different game. Is it? Yeah, that's a different game. Is it? Yeah, that's a different game. Yeah, that's got squash mixed in with tennis, basically. It's fucking wild. I want to play Padel.

Yeah, yeah, it looks insane. We'll go play it. I'm dressed for it. Yeah. You know, I got that. I didn't think I was going to have a moment where I was witnessing you be knowledgeable about anything. But it's particularly surprising that it's about

that very niche sport. I don't know most people's names or I forget my pin number all the time. I can tell you so many niche facts. I can look at a boat and go, oh yeah, I know that model. I don't know why that information

stays in there. And tractors. 8,400, Russell, I don't know why that information stays in there. And tractors. Rock and roll. Yeah, tractors. Yeah, yeah. 8,400. Russell, if you're in for a good secondhand John Deere tractor, go for the 8,400. If you want the classic looking, go for the John Deere 4,200.

Yes. If you want to do more earth-moving stuff, then I would recommend a Case IH or an International. But John Deere stopped making articulated tractors around the late 90s. So yeah.

Is this the kind of gym chat? Yeah. Maybe it's not my face. They're like, just want some Gatorade, cunt. No, I don't think

you've got, I don't think, like Holly's right, it's fun trouble. I can't imagine you've got... I don't think... Like, Hardy's right. It's fun trouble. I can't imagine anyone looks at you in the gym and they're like, I want to have a chat with him. Yeah.

I think it's like the trouble is going to be just completely self-inflicted. You know what I mean? It's like I look at this guy and I think he's going to get himself into trouble, but he's also going to land on his feet and bounce back. Like when you left your bank card in the ATM at the Koh Samui airport, mere minutes after landing. Yes. And then you left your bank card in the ATM at the Koh Samui airport,

mere minutes after landing. And then you used my phone to call the bank and the guy was saying, what's your PIN number? What's your password? What's any of your stuff? And you were like, I don't know any of it. And I heard the guy on the phone go,

I'm just going to have to go check in with my manager about this. And then while you're on hold, you turned to me and pointed at the phone and went, fucking idiot. Also then... Terrific though. So he'd been overseas for five minutes,

left the ATM card in the ATM, then just took off. And then when he found that out, did all that sort of stuff and then tried to walk back to the airport. Now, look, Koh Samui is an island where the airport is quite close to everything,

but no one should ever walk to an airport. Oh, and also then the next is an island where the airport is quite close to everything, but no one should ever walk to an airport. Oh, and also, then the next day, is this the right timeline? Then the next day, met your now wife. On that wall.

She offered you a lift, you were like, this person can really provide for me. Third show title Forest Pump Yeah Forest Pump And then it's where you're

Tropical Pump You know what I mean There's no forest I mean then there's No link to forest But yeah That's why That's why you're

Where you are That's why he's Where he is World class comedian Working his ass off To help you out I'm going to punch this down Actually Yeah I was like Why would he say you out no no to punch this down actually

yeah I was like why would he say forest I'm gonna call this show Why I Met My Wife Tropical Pump what? Tropical Pump because I didn't

I didn't get the forest thing at first that was fucking clear mate Russell you idiot I wasn't in the forest I was on the beach weren't you listening? I was like,

this worldwide superstar, he's kind of fucked up this time and I'm going to let him know. This is great. We're facing these two. We ask Russell, where do you get your ideas? We ask Capo, where do you get your lack of ideas?

This is a great interview show format, isn't it? You get someone great on and then you get someone like lower status and you just kind of like compare them off but that brand it's like that that non-alcohol beard that's fucking brilliant but it's like you're just not quite in control of the you don't see someone like are they drink driving are they not yeah what's happening with you

it's the guys like kappa it's a bit like you've got the drag racing. This vehicle's about to do 250k. Pity we didn't have a steering wheel on it. Yeah, Mike really hated me the other night. Mike Goldstein. Yeah, Mike Goldstein, because I did this bit, and I put it on the internet where I just do a character

called Pizza Doggy, and that's where I just go, give me that pizza. Who wants some pizza? The character's a big word for it. And I was just doing it because I was bombing, and I was like... You were doing it on stage?

Yeah, I was just doing it on stage. Brilliant. Wait, you thought that was going to help you not bomb? That was brilliant. I'm bombing. I know it'll help. I'll pant into the microphone. Even before Pizza Doggy, you were bombing.

And for some reason, it went good. I'm bombing. I better pull out the small. Even before Pizza Dog, you were bombing. And for some reason it went good. I'm bombing, I better pull out the small guns. Yeah, exactly. I got one parachute here. Time to bring a knife to a gunfight. I got one parachute here and it's a lead weight. But somehow it went good. And Mike's like, what the fuck was that?

Anyway, I was like, I'm going to see if we did a trial show in Bendigo and it's like Mike went out and got lunch. He got dinner. Sorry. He got dinner and he walks in and just as he walks in, I'm like, all right, guys, this worked before. I'm going to try it out again, pizza doggy. And he's like, give me that pizza.

And for some reason it went good again. And as soon as I walked off stage, Mike's like, fucking pizza dog. He goes, I write bits and that bit goes good. What the fuck? Why even try? Why even try? I can't wait for you to get home, Russ, and see what your father-in-law thinks of pizza dog.

I can't wait for you to punch up pizza dog. And actually write a joke for it. Pizza poodle. Where did it come from? Where did the idea for pretending to be a dog, the one who cubs, when you were in, well, I just love the fact that you're struggling on stage

and your brain's like, Nick, I've got it. And then pretend to be some sort of hound that eats Italian food. And it got you away. But there will come a time because you've got so much faith in that bit, which let's be honest,

is so beautifully fair weather. But it's so funny. Another title. Another title. Beautifully fair weather. But the reason why it's so funny is because it's in that beautiful Will Ferrell, is it isn't,

you know what I mean? For Will Ferrell's SNL audition, he pretended to be a kitten playing with a piece of wool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen the footage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's quite funny.

But the point is, I mean, it's not a pizza doggy, but it is. Yeah, you're right, because it's funny. Pizza doggy is going to work and work and work, and then just,

and you're always like, oh my God, I don't know why it works. As soon as you get confident that will let you down so hard oh yeah do you know what I mean

because it will become too much you'll have like a collar on do you know what I mean you're fucking like backstage doing all that

or you're running through an audience that's like not demented your father-in-law will be in the audience and he'll go nah it's not as good

as when Russell did it you know Russell put more panting and he'll go, no, it's not as good as when Russell did it. No. Russell put a bit more panting. And he called it Pizza Hound. Yeah. What? So when you sort of write stuff, do you write stuff down?

Or is it just... I do write stuff down. Yeah, I do. I've been trying to write stuff down, but I find that you just got to do the work. Then you get nothing from that. But when you leave the work, then you're nothing from that. But when you leave the work, then you're in the shower and you go, oh yeah, pizza doggy.

This is like the footage you see of the police interviewing serial killers. I don't know if I want to see, I don't know if I want to get into this mine. I don't know if I want to start to see the justification. Yeah, once you go in. Or it's someone with amnesia and you're sort of just trying to go,

where have you been? Have you been in a Or it's someone with amnesia and you're sort of just trying to go, like, where have you been? Have you been in a cult? Have you killed a man? Did you build your own raft? Are you a billionaire? Are you a tech billionaire? And you don't know. It's the notebook.

You remember me. I'm comedy. I'd believe you if you told me that Nick Capa was a tech billionaire. That's what I mean. If you look at him right now, you're like, yeah, that would check out. I'm trying to dress more comfortably, like relaxed.

Well, you haven't achieved that. Yeah, I'm uncomfortable looking at you. If we found out that Capa's been on like a 10-year season of Undercover Boss, and this is like the CEO of Rio Tinto, and he's just been pretending to do comedy for 10 years. I'm actually Dave Chappelle. Seriously? I pull the mask off.

Fuck. It was him the whole time. Yeah. That would be fucking brilliant. If Russ wanted to purchase no alcohol beer off you, what kind of price are we talking? I just want to see what a cap of routine. He already owns a better version of it.

What a cap of routine goes for? Oh, zero dollars. Yeah, probably just being in this hotel room, walking down that corridor, that's enough. I can tell how you afforded your socks. That kind of negotiation. Yeah, no, totally. And that's the thing i worry about with your your dick pill negotiation did you did you end up getting a good good point a good fee like did they just pay you in pills yeah yes yes well oh that reminds me who would

like to buy some because i got eight storage sheds of it no i uh no they paid me very well and then they're the nicest guys Ever they They kept Cause when You know You guys have all Negotiated with people Or whatever And you go

Look guys This is a decent amount of money But it's probably not enough However If you help me out You know If you give me more work Then

Then we'll be cool right Yes And usually They're like Ha We'll just get this sucker And we'll leave him But then those guys Kept giving me more work and they're awesome.

You know, they actually lived up to the, they said, no man, you've helped us out. We're going to help you out. So they really helped me out. It was really cool.

So you're still on contract with the Dick Peel guys? No, no. They just get me back whenever they need it. But they were like, man, it's so funny. They talked about it was like the MCU trilogy.

They're like, look, we had the tent, then you were pumping up the footy, now your dicks are limp hose. This is going to wrap up the Kappa trilogy. So you're like Christopher Nolan. It's like Endgame. You've got to have seen all the ads

to really get what's going on with the hose. They're like, Kappa's finest work was the tent. It's Kappa's godfather. Fucking Kappa, man work was the tent. It's Kappa's godfather. Fucking Kappa, man. I love that. So is there part of you sort of hoping that there's some sort of pandemic that affects penises? Yes. Because then you'll be so rich.

Do you know what I mean? If people can't get erections, you're going to be the richest man in the street. Kappa will be an essential worker. People going onto their balconies to applaud for Kappa's dick pills every night. Ironically, it's actually going to a Kappa show. You can't get an erection. And then he's really cornered the market. Afterwards, he'll sell you the pill.

Well, apparently after the first couple of ads, the subscribers did go through the roof. So that's why they kept getting me back. Because they all had taken a pill. They were like, fuck, that guy is me. I thought I couldn't relate to anybody. But yeah, no, it went from me going, oh, I don't know if I want to do a dick pills ad

to like, I'll really miss this. They're the nicest bunch of guys and you get to stay in a sick hotel and it's so fun. The shoots are so fun, but you never get in depth about it. But the other day I was like, I was talking to my mom about it

and she's like, does your mom sound like um she's like oh nicholas it's so good it's so nice that you're doing this do you find it's hard to act you know do that that thing i love that look mom i don't want to hang on she says do you find it hard to do that thing because she's so proud. Like, you know, Mum's always go, oh, I've got the best looking boy. So does she go, oh, my boy's got the hardest dick. You must be pretending. Is it hard to pretend your dick is soft?

Because I remember when you were young, you were at school, it was always hard. And the teacher was like, come on. I'd have to come and pick you up early because you're a big dick. Yeah, you were always the hardest in the class. I didn't give you a packed lunch. I just put ice in a box. Your sheets were filthy every morning.

I was on the old tractor and it had no seat and it just vibrated. That was the first time. Jesus Christ. Accidentally. That one sounded like an admission. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah you don't make that so hard

whenever I braked hard your dick would hit the steering wheel the horn would go off but I was talking to her

about it and I was like oh you know look it's good work you get paid but she's asking

you about the method actually yeah that's so wonderful. Will you miss that role, Nick? Yeah, that's it. That's it, man. It was funny.

I was like, you know, but it's easy work. They pay you all that money just for one day on set. That's not easy. You're a talented actor. If I was on an ad for Dick Pills, I think I would never tell my parents about it. I'd go around there and disconnect their TV so they could never see it.

I would never bring this up. The last time I was on this show, your dad went to a sex shop to get you a sex doll. Yeah, yeah. For a joke present for a friend. Yeah, but that's... I would say what he did, he was playing the role of a pervert. You actually were one. Yeah, that's fair.

I wasn't playing a pervert. No, no, no. That's the opposite to a pervert. I know you, no. That's the opposite to a pervert. I know you think you weren't playing the role of a pervert. It's funny because my nana doesn't. You're not. You're just not. Your nana.

Hang on. Everyone shut the fuck up. Nan's getting involved. Something's reminded him about his nan. Yeah. As soon as you said pervert, oh, that reminds me of nana. Speaking of sex, doll. So I said to nana, get out of the bushes.

You know you want to go to Dignitas? Well, I've got a way of killing you easier. Just watch this advert. I don't think she knows what it's about or her friends in the bowling club or whatever. So she thinks you played in that game. She thinks that you are a tent salesman. Yeah. Something like that.

She goes, Nick, I couldn't sleep the other night. I turned on the TV. There you were. Right there. And it's a sign. And she goes, I fell asleep immediately. You know, it was so good. What?

Like, yeah, she's Azalea's. I've been to a couple of ads and she's like, I was in a 7-Eleven ad once and she goes, Nicholas, the other night I was lonely, I was depressed, I put the TV on and there you

were in the 7-Eleven, you know, like she just like. And she went back to bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's something, it's amazing.

So she's so happy and then instantly asleep. Yeah, yeah. There's something beautiful about that. She just needed you. You're like her

guardian angel. It's like a lot of people in the audience of your stand-up shows. They see you and immediately go to sleep. Oh, I know. They're awake. I don't know if they're having a good time, but they're definitely awake.

Hey, we interrupt this broadcast to let you know about something. Hey, we talked about this a couple of weeks ago on the podcast, in Talking Dumb Dumb, actually, about how you have the opportunity to sponsor the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Now, it's not open to huge corporations unless they want to, but it is aimed at you guys, the listeners, the small business owners for $1,000.

That's all, $1,000. You can be the sponsor of the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival on all the printed materials, on the banners at the live shows, and we talk about you for the next three months. Yeah, and as you can see, as you can hear, we really need the money because we're recording this over the phone. We've had to sell our microphones to afford our airfares over to Coastal Mui. So we promise if you sponsor us,

you will get your advert recorded in higher audio quality than this. That is a guarantee that we are offering you. We will be able to afford to be in the same room instead of on different continents. I will not be doing the ad for your business while I'm at Universal Studios in Osaka, as I currently am right now. I promise you that. I will not be in a theme park doing an ad for you, looking at the Minion roller coaster while I talk about your business. How much would it cost for you to do that, though?

Just in case anyone wants that to happen, actually. I need the airfare and the ticket to the theme park covered, and then I'm happy to come and do the ad here for you. If you cover those costs plus the $1,000, then I'll do it. That's a different tier. So it's $1,000 for normal people. If you want, Tommy, to do each ad in Universal Studios in Japan, that's $3,000 probably.

Yeah. Sweet. All right. We've got that worked out. Great. That's good to muddy the issue. But for $1,000 for everyone else that just wants a normal ad um that's what it is hit us up we've had plenty since we've talked about we've had plenty of people uh that have hit us up and look a lot of

this is we want sort of an amusing sponsorship and we have had a couple of crackers so far so this is basically your last chance to put in uh We want to talk about it next week on the show. So if you're listening to this and this sounds like it's for you, you've got a grand and, look, you're going to get the money back once we sick our listeners onto your business. Look, you'll probably even double your money. Whoop-de-doo. And now back to the show.

I love a mystical nan. Just after we got engaged, my fiancé... Mystical nan is another good title. Yeah, mystical nan. My fiancé called her nan to say we'd gotten engaged, and she said, Oh, that's wonderful. The angels answered my call.

Like, wow. She's taken all the credit. I've been praying for this extra heart lately, and look, the angels intervened. It's like, so I have no free will in this, do I? I'm just a puppet for the angels. And also, yeah, no one was going to propose to your missus until the angels had to get involved. Who would have asked her?

Yeah, I didn't even get down on one knee. I just fell over. It was like a strange gust of wind. Yeah, what angels bring you down from heaven? I thought it would be some fucked pterodactyl. Fuck pterodactyl, another good show title. We're cooking up a lot here. What a great writer's room.

Yeah, this is good. You'd have to spell pterodactyl as well when you sort of call them up. That would be difficult. Pterodactyl is a funny word. I'm going to have to integrate that. There's one. That's another show title. The sequel. What about pizza pterodactyl is a funny word I'm going to have to integrate that there's one that's a nice show title

the sequel what about pizza pterodactyl pizza pterodactyl oh hello and suddenly what's your show called on this

tour live live yeah I was going to call it it's either that or lucky jizz

lucky jizz but I can't see that's where you went the other way from capper that would have been capper but yeah there's where you went the other way from Kappa that would have been Kappa but well

yeah there's a bit in the show but I'm shooting the special in April you know when I always come to my titles quite late so the last one

was called Lubricant Lubricant see that's pretty daring yeah that's risque Russell laughter is the lubricant that makes life livable it came from that line

oh man it's so good. I was reading the Adelaide Fringe guide. I don't know if you read it. I didn't even know I was. Can you tell us the explanation? We've heard Russell. Now give us the explanation behind your show title,

Nick Capa, Meat Oblong. I was talking to my manager guy. How do you spell meat? And he's like, man, we need a title. You've put this off for way too long. There's the, the, the deadline closes

in like an hour. What are you going to get? And I was like, oh, meat's pretty funny. Why don't we do something with meat? Oh yeah,

the amount of times I'm at the butcher's and I am giggling. Look at that steak. That's like a capper joke. It's a party in there. There's soaring stuff. There's blood.

I would have been looking at the awful thing and that's more like a capper joke. Wait, we didn't get into... You were saying the ad you turned down, was it for meat? Yeah. Oh, right. Why?

So you turned down the meat ad and then as you're registering your show, you're like, meat's funny. I'll call my show this. Oh, no, you have to play triplets. And you couldn't find your siblings? I couldn't find myself in time. It brought back your schizophrenia,

and you're like, listen, I've taken a lot of steps to get away from those two. The two other guys said I shouldn't do it. Think about that as a casting decision. We need two more cappers. Fucking hell. So, wait, you turned it down, what, because they...

Because Pyro Nick and Nasty Nick said no. We've got stuff to do, cunts. I like the idea that when you make these decisions, you've got the angel and the devil on your shoulder, like in the cartoons, except one of them has got his tent up and the other one can't get his tent up

I said look I'll only be in a human centipede with strangers not myself I won't eat my own ass so why did you say no to me wait

you had to eat your own ass in a meat ad yeah it was a vegan what are they selling this is what happens if you have a burger you're eating ass every time you eat a burger. You're eating ass. Every time you eat a burger, think of Cap'n's ass.

This guy's been on me for six years. It's a meathead. It's like, why be vegan? You might as well eat shit. So wait, they were going to have a, like a, were they going to just like digitally like duplicate? Yeah, so it was going to be like, they were going to have like the guy that eats meat,

the brother that eats meat, and he's quite fit and healthy. And then they had the vegan brother that's all sick and low on energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they had the one that eats both. And that's kind of like the fitter one. Right.

And I was like, I'm not going to do it. This is 2010. Yeah. Like, what the fuck? What, who is writing this ad where you have a sickly vegan?

Right. You know, it's just, it was so dumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway.

That's, turned it down. Yeah, how much, how much, how much money? Did you have to turn back for the sake of?

No, but I, look, I still have to audition for it, you know what I mean? I said no to the audition. Oh, so you just didn't audition. You didn't knock back this job after all.

I knocked back a McDonald's ad as well. What? I've done that. Yeah, yeah. I knocked back a McDonald's. Oh, mine was $150,000. The truth. Yeah.

And in that one, I walked out on the audition, but I've knocked back probably four or five gambling ads that were offers, and I went, oh, come on. I like the idea that that's you. It was the same role, 150 grand. And you said no, and they offered it to him for five grand. It's like, you're the last tap of representing himself right there in the negotiation.

I was offered a head and shoulders advert. Do you know those? Yes. Yeah, the shampoo ad was offered that how much yeah a lot of money I bet it was yeah chaos

but I sort of said no because it was and they gave it to Joe Hart the then England international goalkeeper oh yes yeah yeah just because you love

dandruff that much but it would have been like the whole advert I think it was like it was based around before I do a comedy show I make sure that I wash my hair and it was just me

oh yeah so it wasn't even funny like this lifestyle thing of them me doing all this It was based around, before I do a comedy show, I make sure that I wash my hair. And it was just me. Oh, yeah. So it wasn't even funny. Like this lifestyle thing of them, me, doing all this. And you were just thinking of what? I just know, it doesn't matter how much money it was, for the next 10 years, head and shoulders just fucking slung at me at gigs. I was going to say, you were just thinking of you walking into every green room. Every green room, every comedy club, just audiences.

You'd instantly... Heaven forbid the paps get a shot of you with a little bit of dust or anything. Yeah, yeah. And the boys done it again. Yeah, fucking right. But my alter, the weirdest, I got offered... This is fucking insane. I got offered £20,000 to tweet happy birthday to Heathrow Airport.

to tweet happy birthday to Heathrow Airport. And I didn't do it because it's, you know, an airport. And it wouldn't reply back. You wouldn't get recognition back. It just seems an odd thing to do. You've heard some whispers in green rooms about the Heathrow Airport. Why is Heathrow Airport such a big fan that they needed that happy birthday from you? What's interesting is

subsequently the celebrities that did wish Heathrow Airport a happy birthday, Gordon Ramsay did. And so you knew they were all getting a payday for those tweets.

Fucking right. Yeah, yeah. And I was just, all of my comic friends were like, yeah, correct. Absolutely, yeah. And all of my family were like, my cousin Lewis,

you fucking brain dead cunt. 20 grand. I'd have fucked it. I must admit, I'm thinking this right now. So I might have been fair. I'd have fucking done it. A tweet to an inanimate object. But that's the thing.

It's so weird. I tried doing stand-up about this, about kind of how silly it was to tweet happy birthday to an airport. And you sort of have to mention the amount of money but as soon as you do the audience are like you're a fucking idiot yeah you're a fucking moron why and then you realize actually yeah maybe also that like so that's obviously part of the advertising budget you we'll give you 20 grand you say happy birthday he he throw airport yeah And then what's the end game there?

Someone sees that tweet and goes, yeah, you know what? I should go to that airport. To make it feel good because it's his birthday. Because how much competition is there with Heathrow? That's it. Yeah, exactly. You've either got to go there or you don't. Or you have Stansted or Gatwick.

Yeah, but it depends where you're flying to. I don't know. Don't ask me how I remember that. When did I? He throws the main one. But it's, yeah, exactly. Yeah, but it depends where you're flying to. I don't know. Don't ask me how I remember that. He throws the main one, but it's... Yeah, exactly. So it's like advertising Google or something like that. Yeah, yeah. I'm not choosing between Telemarine and Avalon

because I'm like, oh, who's got the best food court? Yeah. I'd tweet happy birthday Avalon for 50 bucks. Yeah, yeah. I might do it for free. It's not like if you were selecting the food court, that's fair enough. If I was going, hey, the Heathrow food if you were selecting the food court that's fair enough if I was going

hey the Heathrow food court is great because at least that's a thing but if you're it's basically selecting on oh no it's 62 and oh he's an old man

like versus that fucking whippersnapper stands there she's 36 fucking sort her own life out do you know what I mean

it's so weird but my brain was like as soon as you do something like that if you you know what I mean it's so weird but my brain was like as soon as you do something like that if you're kind of relatively successful it's like everything's suspect

everything's for sale do you know what I mean that does rule that there's someone whose job it is to sit in a room and be like oh the airport's birthday is coming up

we'd better start to get our plans in line that's the world's best job the fucking money in the world eh it's fucking bananas they're just flinging, they probably threw a million quid

at a few celebrities to say happy birthday to an inanimate object. And then all turn up, happy birthday. I got to get down, I got to get a flight on this day and see what's going on. I love it that there was a bunch of executives

that made that decision. They're like, all right, we are not leaving this room till we come up with an idea to get more publicity for fucking Heathrow Airport. The celebration when they found out Gordon Ramsay was on board. They were like, yes, we got Ramsay! Was this even like a big milestone birthday? Or was it just literally like, you know, it wasn't like 100 years or anything?

It was just like... It must have been just so weird they just do this every year I reckon that's the thing that's the thing where you know lower to mid tier

comedians would then go I wouldn't mind doing this I'd put out a tweet happy birthday Heathrow Airport and then have everyone else go fuck Chandler got 20 grand for that yeah absolutely

well that was it well I remember getting offered a Nando's black card which means you don't have to pay for it oh you're going to make him so sad

oh no yeah so I was like I can afford chicken but I'll tell you the Nando's people were like

I'll tell you what Russell's Achilles heel is he can't afford chicken but I said but my brother can't afford chicken so can I give it to my brother and they were like no you can't afford chicken but I said but my brother can't afford chicken so can I give it to my brother

and they were like no you can't but what I do do so my brother and he'll love this he's whenever we stay

in a Marriott hotel my brother has a Marriott gold card because we give all the points from the hotels onto his card so he now gets

free hotels whenever he stays. So he'll come and stay down. Literally, if we're in Portsmouth for like six nights, my room, Andrew Bird's room, Kumar's room. So three lots of like, that's like nine rooms. He just rocks up to Portsmouth. Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling. Gets all the points.

Fucking loves it. That's awesome. That's great. And then strolls around the buffet like the fucking king. When you go to Nando's and you get your chicken, can I come along with my card and get ding, ding, ding and get all the points off you? Absolutely.

Get the chicken off your chocolate mousse. Also, is there a buffet at this place? There is a buffet downstairs. Yeah, fucking right. I'll get you some croissants. Oh, great, mate. All right. Finally, this is worth it.

With those pensioner socks, they've got some giving them, so we could definitely get some pastries down there. First the corridor and now the croissant. I'm living the life. First a hallway, now bread. What a day. That's great, though, your brother just like, yeah, swanning around.

Because anytime you stay somewhere nice, like there always is someone just like, you'll always see someone in the hotel where you're like, what's this person's story? You know, there's like, you see the clientele

and then you just see like one person just like, I don't know what this person's story is. And also like being that, you know, you're very famous and so it's always interesting to have the sibling of a famous person

and to see whether it's affected them in a good or a bad way. So if he's always interesting to have the sibling of a famous person and to see whether it's affected him in a good or a bad way. Yeah. So if he's had anything negative, fuck that, he's got those Marriott points. This has turned out all right.

He fucking loves it. But I like bringing my brother to like showbiz parties because it's just, he, like, he, he's a properly funny man.

Yeah, he's his brother. He's great. You know, funny bones kind of. Oh, great. But like, you'd love him in fact you'll

probably go to a football game with him at some stage in fact i reckon daniel and kappa would be best mates fucking right they would fucking really get along so my my favorite story about my brother but this typifies how he's too much for some three of my aunties were in i told harley the other day so three of my aunties were walking through bath it It was like 10 in the morning. I'm with my brother. They haven't seen us. They're probably 60 to 70. They're all under five foot. They're tiny, sweet, little owly-eyed ladies. And my brother just walks up to them and just goes,

you girls out on the dick. And the look of like, they were all, their faces were so like, why would you? Horrible little pointless. Like, nasty. And he just, like, just snorted and walked past them. And just that was it. And then I kind of, as I always am, just in his wake,

I go, all right, Sue, all right, Sandra, Rosina, like that. Why is he being like that? I don't know. But you girls out on the dick their eyes were so so hurt do you know what I mean it was so unnecessary

yeah but it was somehow the purest thing to say that's what he does it just he's not for everybody but he's so for me

one of my stag dudes so for me what my stag do so Harley was on my stag and we it was it was like my friend nearly died from it a 50 year old American

and me and my brother were having a punch up in a car park what? a punch up in a car park in front of a karaoke bar in Vegas it was

it was like proper like straight out of a movie yeah horrible and like Harley's like 6'4 pitch is there he's 6'4 me and my brother were like 5' was like proper like but like Straight out of a movie. Yeah. Horrible. And like Harley's like 6'4". Pitch is there. He's 6'4". Me and my brother

are like 5'8". Like properly like Connie you fucking cunt. Like really going at each other and they're all just sat around going oh they'll tire each other out. You know when you're

just like two little blokes and you're like well they might have a fight but there's not going to be any damage. Which one are you going to hold up by the back of the neck?

It's like two hamsters in a china shop or something like that. I'll just let them go. We were going at each other. Not to mention that your security guard mate that was there that made me and Pitcher look the size of you and your brother.

And all of us are like, nah, look, it'll be fine. Big Pete. My favourite with Daniel, we were in we were in Thailand oh have you heard of it Carl

must be nice so we were and his appendix I think I saw you his appendix burst and we so he had to go to a hospital

and it sorted and then he was in a wheelchair and he was in this wheelchair and we were kind of going up

as you do in an elevator and he was pretending to be heavily disabled were kind of going up as you do in an elevator and he was pretending to be heavily disabled like to all the other people he thought that would be hilarious and he was like really like shaking dribbling the works and i was fucking steaming but just couldn't do anything so these people are looking at me and i was like like you know sort of because i'm his carer. Do you know what I mean? Can't hit him in public.

Well, this is it, right? So we get out of the hotel and I fucking punched him in the face. But there was somebody outside the elevator and they had not seen what had happened in the elevator. All they'd seen is a bloke they recognised off British TV hit a man in a wheelchair and say

what the fuck is wrong with you? It's like this awful being of like alright? And Heathrow Airport paid him 20 grand for that.

Yeah my brother's really quiet like the quietest guy ever. Every now and then he says stuff that just levels the place. Yeah yeah yeah. And I remember Yeah, my brother's really quiet, like the quietest guy ever. Really? Every now and then he says stuff that just levels the place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember years ago we were on the farm and we were cotton chipping.

It's where you get weeds out of the cotton. We're walking along, big group of friends. My brother, you know, he probably has, he said two words all day. And he disappeared and he came back and we were all eating lunch. And we're like, where'd you go and he goes went to take a shit but it didn't work so i just came back it didn't work it's meaning his asshole it didn't work so i just came back if you did this shit were were you just going to run away after that? Alternatively, I went to do a shit. It worked.

Now I'm back. It didn't work. I tried. I gave it my best. It didn't work. Is he older or younger? Younger. Two years younger.

Yeah, same, yeah. Are you the eldest? Sorry? Yeah, I'm the oldest. Yeah, same, yeah. Are you the eldest? Sorry? Yeah, I'm the eldest. Yeah, so it's crazy. Yeah, I've got a younger sister as well, but they both had no role models to look up to, so it doesn't matter.

You're basically the same as Russell. He also has a younger brother and a younger sister. Yeah, yeah. You're the Australian Russell. Yeah. I'm the English Kappa. English Kappa's a great title for the special. Yeah, man.

You don't have to, like, if... When you get Parkinson's, no one's going to know. Like, you're fucked. Like that. Yeah, exactly. Everyone in the room, for people, everyone's doing the Kappa sway at the moment. like you're you're fucked like that yeah yeah exactly everyone in the room for people

everyone's doing the Kappa sway at the moment wobble yeah I sway I don't shudder you know it's a beautiful sway

it is it looks when you're on yeah it's this sway it looks like when you're on stage you're you think you're

about to be fired upon it looks like you're ready to dodge a bull you should do cruise ships because you've already got the sea legs. You'd be still on a cruise ship. You've got sea legs on land. Imagine that.

The people who bought the cruises coming like, this guy's got what it takes. I'd be like Kevin Costner in Waterworld. I'm like, I don't like the way it moves. Who the fuck knows a quote from Waterworld and I'm like I don't like the way it moves you know the ship who the fuck knows a quote from Waterworld that is the biggest flop of all time

it's like he said he knows these things he's got that fact but he doesn't know the name of his dad yeah he said his wife's name wrong

in his wedding vows did you no that was the celebrant's fault the person who met her that day she should know her name Did you? No, that was the celebrant's fault. The person who met her that day, she should know her name. Please explain why you saying your wife's name wrong was the celebrant's fault. Well, the celebrant, we sent her the vows,

and then she got them printed on these card things. So we didn't know what vows we were going to say. So she gives us the cards, and then she goes, I take Caitlin Marie. Take the pizza doggy. Yeah. Give me that pizza. Give me that wife.

Give me that wife. Is that a wife over there? Wife doggy. Give me that wife. Yeah. But she said there? Wife doggy. But she said Marie and I'm like... So you were supposed to repeat after her. Marie? Yeah. And did you look at your wife for confirmation? Yeah, I kind of looked at my wife like Marie. And then we all

went, what? And then I was just like, who's Marie? It's the first time I've ever heard an audible question mark in the middle of someone's wedding vows. No, she was really nice to celebrate. She's like, oh, I'm so sorry. It was such a mistake. But I think things like that, if you've got a cool wedding, people just so, it makes the wedding better.

If you've got to fuck up like that. My dog gipped at mine. Sorry? So, you know, the phrase gipping. No. wedding better fuck yeah if you gotta fuck up like that my dog gipped at mine sorry so you know the phrase gipping when it no

so it's like if you're she got gipped last night no yeah but like so was that your

Russell Howard in first place oh my god she eloquently got gipped last night yeah we went down we were down by the little lake and uh I don't know how to act eloquently I got gipped last night. Yeah. We went down,

we were down by the little lake. I don't know how to act eloquently, so I'll just say the word eloquent. Eloquent. He even stopped swaying for one second to do this impression. He's reading out the stage directions. This impression. I rested my old egg on the wagon,

went down and we did a gipping. I rested my old egg. the wagon, went down and we did a gipping. I rested my old egg. This is classic Rasa. I'm going to do that tonight. I rested my old egg on the wagon. Then we gipped. Forgive me, Adelaide. I've been up gipping and my old wagon rested.

I've had a weird day. You guys wouldn't believe me if I told you. So what is gipping? What is gipping? my old wagon rested i've had a weird day you guys wouldn't believe me if i told you so what what is gipping what is so it's like oh like a little just about to be a fake vomit yeah yeah so yeah we get married dry reaching yeah exactly that and we were just as i was putting the the ring on my wife's finger my dog went it was spectacular timing. In a room full of comedians. I went, all right, come on.

Yeah. And then my brother was my best man and his speech was magnificent and all my comic friends were just rinsing him as he was trying to. It was great. Including your father.

My dad heckled my brother and my brother told my dad to fuck off. Fuck off, Dave. Like that. And then, you know, it was great man

it was such a good day dog at the wedding I love that yeah he was our page boy oh yeah we'll be doing that he was all dressed up

it was brilliant it was such a good day man it's like yeah it was I was talking to Harley the other day about it about it's just it's a fun day

and you sort of it's so rare that you're in a room and you know that everyone loves you do you know what I mean it's so rare that you're in a room and you know that everyone loves you. Do you know what I mean? It's fucking weird. And you just suddenly go, oh, actually, I'm all right.

Do you know what I mean? Normally you have that kind of imposter syndrome in any place. And then you're like, no, everyone likes me. I think it's also, too, as you get older, like organizing things with friends. People have various reasons why they can't come. But it's like the wedding turns into the fun thing of like, well, everyone's going to this.

Everyone in your group of mates shows up. can't come but it's like the wedding turns into the fun thing of like well everyone's going to this everyone who's invited like everyone in your group of mates like shows up it becomes like one of the only things where you can guarantee like all of your friends are in the one room

you know one's like ah I got something else on might come later who's your best man Tommy I don't know you haven't chosen yet yeah

surely are there auditions surely I've been a best man a lot have you yeah I'm good at it forget that pterodactyl comment you know

angels did bring you down no no but we were saying this the other week about you know emceeing the big one is emceeing the wedding

because I I think so too I was going to ask you to emcee my wedding and then I thought you know what I reckon Harley's gonna rinse me way too hard

if you emcee my wedding so then I got Thornton to and then he rinsed me anyway he rinsed you hard you know what I probably would not have rins. So then I got Thornton too, and then he rinsed me anyway. He rinsed you hard. You know what? I probably would not have rinsed you as hard as Thornton did. Because I remember watching Thornton, and I was like, fuck, he's going hard.

And I'm also very grateful not to be asked to MC, because I've done that a couple of times. And it's a horrible way to spend your night at a wedding, because you're working. I did my sister's, and I did my little brother's, and I did one of my very close mates, which was the best one of those. But at my mates, I was like, I would just like to be drinking. And then towards the end of the night, I just went, you know what?

There mustn't be anything else on. So I went to one of the rooms in this sort of resort we were in and drank beers and did lines and fucking had a good time. And I came back to the wedding and I said to the bride, I was like, oh, so when's the cake? She goes, we've already cut it. I was like, okay, sorry, mate.

You're not fucking paying me, are you? Years ago, an ex-girlfriend and I set up my mate and his wife, who was one of her friends. We set them up and then they, we broke up and then later on they her friends and we set them up and then they we broke up and then later on they got married

and we had to give speeches at the wedding brutal and she's a nice girl but she took her new man there I was single you know hung over from the night before

and I her speech bombed and I fucking destroyed and you had a massive erection absolutely destroyed levelled the place. I didn't know Labradors could eat pepperoni. I didn't even have to bring out pizza dough.

That's how good I was going. Yeah, maybe I'll get you to emcee my wedding just to see what happens. Yes. Just morbid curiosity. I would love that. It could be anything. You have to debut at least five new characters in your speech.

Oh, pass the cap. Pass the cap. I would love nothing more than to see Nick Capa MC your wedding, Tommy. Yeah. Cataloni Penguin. Here we go. I've done a lot of them. I have MC'd a lot.

It's good. I'll give you a tip, though, Tommy. I don't want to get too serious or deep. But if you're going to have a wedding, because when I i had mine all my mates came from interstate on the wednesday uh-huh we had the bucks on the wednesday night yes great fun wednesday afternoon thank you very much then we had uh drinks on at 4 p.m yeah as i was trying to buy tickets to paul mccartney yep a horrible afternoon as you can imagine russell carl was in his element. Yeah, we had a buck and bull. Brett did a great job.

We had karaoke. We had all this stuff. And Carl was on his phone buying tickets at Paul McCartney. No, that was at the start. He was really getting loose. That was at 4 p.m. That was at the start. The guy operating the mechanical bull turned up on crutches,

which is what you always want to see. But, yeah, we had the bucks on the Wednesday. Then we had drinks on the Thursday, like a recovery for the Bucks because everyone was in town for it. Then we had another thing on the Friday, like just a little everyone gets together. I got to see everybody there. Had the wedding. Then we had like a recovery on the Sunday.

And so I got to see everybody. If it was just the wedding, I would have been able to talk to everybody. Right, to make it a festival. Because you can't talk anybody yeah oh man and i on the sunday night like what you said on the sunday night i got back and i was i bored my eyes out for like two hours yeah okay i was like because i'm it's never going to be that good again yeah i was distraught yeah it's a funny old moment i'm really really good i said to my missus as we're driving away i was like i feel like i've been taking sort of like sniffing glue all my life and i've just done pure heroin yeah right she was like yeah it was a lovely day

but that's it it's so weird isn't it i like I can absolutely relate to that it's just that sense of like fuck it was so it was so good that you know that's that yeah do you know what I mean

and it's the sadness of it yeah my fiance doesn't even I think she barely even wants to have like a full wedding she'd be happy to just like elope and do that like she doesn't want to have

like a big thing where she's like the center of attention she's like oh maybe we do the maybe we do the like go sign the stuff and then just do like a small like where she's like the center of attention. She's like, oh, maybe we do the, maybe we do the like go sign the stuff and then just do like a small,

like kind of informal thing. So the, like even she didn't want to have an engagement thing, like party. So even the, like this idea of, I love, I mean, I love it. I love the idea of organizing just a fucking week of parties, but like maybe there's just going to have to be like four events that I'm at that she's not, you know, I just go into i just go

into overtime and i just go solo mode that's very good that's sure but then but then that makes sense hey like if that's her thing and then just like make the wedding completely about her and then you just have these so you but you only had a box night you didn't have like a stag do where you go away i think no no no is that not a thing because you have the similar didn't have like a stag do where you go away or something? No, no, no. Is that not a thing? Because you had similar, didn't you, for your... I just had one night. Yeah. But I haven't had a Bucks night for this engagement. I'm still engaged, not married.

We just don't stop making children. Yeah. But I like the Bucks retreat, you know, the four days away. I feel like the getaway isn't as common here. No. I think maybe it's easier to travel over there than it is here. But also,

Russ had people coming from all these different parts and Vegas kind of made sense a bit. Yeah, yeah. Also, I find that people in England, when I live there or whatever, in Australia, you're still in the same country and you've got to fly places.

Blokes in England, they just fucking fly to Eastern Europe, do a bunch of shit there, and then forget about it, and then come back, and they're like, oh, hi, Arnie, I'm back. You know? I was being kept by a fucking, I don't know what of. There's definitely.

You know what I probably could do? How was your stag do, darling? Did you put any eggs on the wagon, darling? Come have a leisurely Sit down by the lake Svetlanka Svetlanka From Lithuania

Put an egg in my wagon I tell you a fucking thing You know what I probably Could get over the line Destination wedding In Belgrade Our MC Kappa Has to travel there

Oh man That'd be great By boat Take eight weeks To get over In a tuxedo With straightened hair and an earring. Oh, man, I can't wait to go back to that green room.

Dick pills spilling out of his pocket. Did you? We better wrap this up, but did you get dick pills as part of the deal? No, no, because they've got to be prescribed by a doctor. Oh, of course they do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And at the very least, you wouldn't be able to say that out loud, even if they did.

Also, are your socks inside out? Yes. That's it. That's the end. Didn't even need to check. Didn't even need to check. That has to match that on fucking Parkinson's or something like that. That's the final question.

It just turns to Billy Connolly. He goes, your socks inside out. Yeah, they are. Join us next week. Not even a sign-off, just hard out. Transmission in. Test cash comes up. I'm sorry, before we leave, Dame Judy Dench, can I ask?

That's good. If you've made that your, like, say hi to your mum for me, or, like, who would you turn gay for? Rome's famous interview question. Now, I'd be remiss if I didn't ask. Are your socks on inside? We're going to start doing that at the end of every episode. No, but just

every time Cap is on to be fair we're never going to get that same response from anyone else. Are they on are they on inside out? Well yeah, they're not mine.

I don't want them to find out. Yeah, he didn't it was a no look answer. It was no so it's like you put you deliberately put them on inside. Oh, yeah.

Some cunt was having a dip off to Pickleball and... I had a one-night stand with my wife. I stole her socks. We didn't even have sex. Oh, God.

What's happening? All right. We better wrap it up for another week. Kappa, Harley and Russ, thank you for joining us. You've got shows. You've got shows to shill. Yes. Oh Kappa, Harley and Russ, thank you for joining us. You've got shows. You've got shows to shill.

Yes. Oh, yeah, Harley. Harley.com.au. I have plenty of shows on sale at the moment called Sustainably Organic Free Range Comedy. What cities? Brisbane, Adelaide, Sydney, Melbourne. They're all in May? Canberra.

All in May. They're all in May, including Melbourne at the beautiful Basement Comedy. What a great room run by an absolute legend. Oh, legend. That's not what I thought was going to happen.

Get in quick too because I'll say this to your fans because I would love them in my show. I am selling them after Russell's show and he's doing

these ginormous rooms and I'm fucking selling quite well. So if you would like to see me and know me it'd be great to have people that

have more context to me than just 20 minutes of Russ 20 great minutes sir thank you and of course you can see Harley

Brown as part of the Coastal International oh yeah I'm doing that as well that's already sold though

isn't it yeah basically there's a couple there might be a couple this is room for you Russ if you want to

pop over I have stuff to do. As Harley knows. Wow. I've seen you improvise on stage. He genuinely has stuff to do. Some of them have seen you stop. I have stuff to do.

I'm washing my hair. It looks like he went, I better come up with something, and then he looked around and went, why bother? I'm not going, Russ. Why? Because I've been there. Why too? I hate Koh Samui.

I've been there so many times. You've been there? Yeah. But you can come and get your bank card back finally. Yeah, yeah. It's probably still

in the ATM. Yeah, yeah. Nick, you've got a show to shill. Oh, yeah, yeah. I've got my show, Meet Oblong.

When's this coming out? Not soon. Yeah, yeah. Melbourne, Sydney, Newcastle, to shill oh yeah yeah I got my show meet Oblong when's this coming out soon yeah Melbourne Sydney Newcastle it's going to be great I also got heaps of stuff

on YouTube where I ride to gigs on my motorbike and my push bike and I talk about it and then you know the gigs

sometimes I put stuff that usually comedians wouldn't put up where I bomb or I fucking tank. And it's actually a lot of fun. It is. I'm a big fan of it. Yeah.

I am. I love it all. It's fucking great. I've got to go viral. I've got to go viral. I love that bit. It's fucking great. Yeah, yes.

Fuck, I've got to go viral. Fuck, mate. I rested my egg on the wagon that night I think there's nothing more funnier than a bloke being absolutely

how I said it fragile yeah yeah you were trying to go viral and you didn't go viral but you were desperately trying it was fucking wonderful

I really like Kappa's comedy a lot more than Russell so yeah I'm doing that. And also Brett and I have our YouTube show. I think it should be out by this time it comes out. The Wrong Way Round, where we ride motorbikes in Queensland. It's a lot of fun.

You saw the premiere screening, Carl. It went great. So yeah, it's good. It's fun. Fun watch. Yeah. And Russ, I think your tour might have wrapped up by the time this comes out. Nice to hang around. But you're on YouTube as well, Russell? Yeah, yeah. And Russ, I think your tour might have wrapped up by the time this comes out. Nice to hang with you.

But you're on YouTube as well, Russell? Yeah, yeah, we'll catch you, Russell. Don't try and say you're on the same platform as Russ, okay? Oh, dear, no bother. I simply must go viral. It'll be a tremendous bother if I do not go viral. Just when I thought the comparisons had ended, you're both on YouTube.

I thought about sending Heathrow happy birthday. Things are not going well. I actually thought about the £20,000. Cap is on Twitter. Happy engagement party, Essendon Airport. Yeah, imagine that. Imagine that. You just send every airport a message saying

happy birthday and then an invoice. Yeah. Come on, you cunts. You eloquently must go to Stansted Airport. It's beautiful. At Changi, you up? It's beautiful. Alright guys, thanks very much for listening.

And we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And very much for listening. Olé, olé. And we'll see you next time. See you, mate. And they've done it again. Whoa, Bernie. So, good shit. Great coup. Lovely of Russell how to use his time like that. Also equally lovely of Harley Breen and Nick Capita

to lend us their way less valuable time, but still appreciate it nonetheless. An episode so jam-packed it required going and buying an extra weird specific cable to be able to get that extra microphone into the Zoom recorder. Yes. We don't usually have three guests, but for some reason it was, that's the way it worked out. And it was great, great fun.

What else? Straight after that that we went if you listened last week to the episode where we talked about the live episodes in Adelaide because we're still there

we're still here in Adelaide where we talked about the burger restaurants and the burger group we then went to just for lunch after that we went took Nikapa to

a place called Stacks which is in the Adelaide burger group with all my trolling that I've done in there that that's the one thing I've learned in that group, is that people, A, care way too much about burgers, for starters. But that's, I think, generally regarded as the number one place in Adelaide. Okay.

And then the guy that owns it was nice to me in the group. Yep. So I went, okay, let's go there. And you posted in there? You took a photo of us? I haven't put it up yet. Oh, okay. No. But there for lunch. And you posted in there? You took a photo of us? I haven't put it up yet. Oh, okay. No.

But you'll be following up. Yes. I'll put that in there with a picture of us and saying, basically saying, indoor toilets, 10 out of 10. Serviettes, 10 out of 10. Yep, great. Well, yeah, it's been a big day so far. Basically, everything that you've heard over the last two weeks has been recorded within the last 24 hours.

Yes. So we've been really earning our keep here. And we are half a chance of being able to get onto an earlier flight home if we keep this tight, which I personally would love. Yes. So we are doing a lot in all this little block because, Tommy, you are going on holidays. Yep. And we're trying to jam-pack this into while we're in Adelaide and get weeks ahead and all that sort of stuff. So when you're listening to this, Tommy will be sunning his little bear behind on the fabulous beaches of Tokyo City.

That's how things work, don't they? Yeah, I think it's snowing there today. Oh, okay. Well, maybe I've got that right. Hey, you can still get your bottom out and cop a bit of snow on it. Right. Are they? Yeah, I think it's snowing there today. Oh, okay. Well, maybe I've got that wrong. Hey, you can still get your bottom out and cop a bit of snow on it. Right. There's nothing stopping you.

Well, it's quite glary, the sun, sometimes, especially with all that white around. Yeah. Yeah, so okay. Perfect. Do that. Great. How is the holiday so far? Well, I'll be near the end of it by now, actually.

Okay. But this is the last thing that's going to come out before I get back. You're well-rested? Yeah, I'll be... I will have gone to Super Nintendo Land yesterday, and people hear this, so I'll be riding high from that. I'll be getting ready to go back from Osaka to Tokyo

to then have a day or so before flying back to beautiful Australia. What happens in Super Nintendo Land? There's a little Mario Kart roller coaster. I don't know what else. I haven't been before. Oh, really? So you're going there not knowing what's there? You know what's crazy?

You book your ticket and then you can get an extra thing on it that's like a... Hang on. So is it just like an amusement park? It's a little section of Universal Studios. Oh. Okay. So yeah, there's a couple of roller coasters. I thought it was like, you know, there's like, you know, not a museum, but you know, more

to do with that side of it. But this is just purely... It's a theme park. Yeah. Yeah. It's rides and all that kind of stuff. You have to book, you book your ticket. And then on top of that, you can get a fast pass thing, which all the theme parks do now, where it's like rather than line up

for like potentially an hour and a half, two hours to get on a roller coaster, it gives you like a designated like you skip the line, you just skip the line. You pay a little bit more. But when you book it, you have to book what times you want to go on these rides. So we've booked this like four weeks out and you're on the website being asked, now do you want to go on this roller coaster at 10 a.m. or 2.30 in the afternoon? It's like, yeah, what kind of mood will I be in four weeks?

You know what I mean? It's like, I don't fucking know. I don't know what I'm going to want to do when I get there. But yeah, we've got that all worked out. So what is it, 10 a.m or 2 30 10 a.m for one thing and then because you've got to choose like of all the stuff across the park like what order you want to do it in what times you want to do everything like yeah i can't remember what we picked but yeah we got it all worked out well lovely um i'm going to i'll be i'll be going to my own themed land.

It's called Thailand. It's very themed about, you know, all things Thai. That's why they called it that, Thailand. Is that the restaurant on Bourke Street? No, no, no. That would be good. Thailand. Yes, Thailand.

Yeah. They put their prices up. What a tragedy. Oh, yeah, I heard. They had like crazy, crazy cheap everything. I think they just realized it was just absolutely insane. This is unsustainable. Yes.

Yeah. It was so silly how cheap they were. Yeah. Now they're just simply cheap instead of insanely cheap. Yeah. Which I'm not, you know, I find it's a bit much. It's not cool. What else?

We don't have too much else to report on. No. We can just get to it. too much else to report on. No. We can just get to it. We've been recording all day. Yes. The well is absolutely dry. That's it. Luckily, we have some beautiful names to sustain us

and really put some coals on the fires of our creativity right now, Tommy, as we do this as quickly but as fairly as possible before we try and get on an earlier plane than we were booked for. Oh, that'd be great. Landing at like 7.30 instead of like 10.45? Yes. Oh, beautiful. Yeah.

All right, well, let's have a go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers. This one, first cap off the rank this week. Thank you very much too. Seamus Lily. Okay. Seamus, but not Seamus as in, you know, the fancy spelling of it, but like the dumb fucking spelt out version as in S-H-A-Y-M-U-S.

Okay. Seamus. Yeah. Instead of like, isn't Seamus usually S-E-A? You know, you have the fancy Irish spelling. But they're just like, no, we've got to fucking spell this shit out. Yeah. I'm sick of people calling me Seamus. Mm-hmm. Seamus Lily. fancy Irish spelling. But they're just like, nah, we've got to fucking spell this shit out. Yeah.

I'm sick of people calling me Seamus. Seamus Lilly. Now, just because it's got Lilly at the end and Seamus is like, I don't know, the way that spells

out as well, it makes me think that it's a lady even though all the evidence says that it's a man. Seamus is a male name, right? I have to say,

I'm really starting to feel like it was a huge mistake to inhale a big burger and chips right before having another segment of recording to do. Yeah. Do you feel that? Like when you have a,

if you have like a big heavy, but you're a big, you're a light dinner man. You're a big lunch man. Yes. Yeah, I feel like a big lunch just puts me on my fucking ass. No, you know what I am.

I'm feeling nine eyes at the moment. I am. I'm a big eater uh for lunch late lunch because um that's why i'm breaking my fast my my problem is i i eat fucking crazy amounts for lunch and then feel sick at night yeah okay but not now yeah that was just a decent meal then yeah okay usually i've got to i'm like i'm trying to retrain myself like a fucking dog or a goldfish because I'll not eat for 18 hours or something. And then, which you've just done a massive fast, accidental or whatever it is. But I'll eat a main meal and then go, and my body hasn't realized what's happened yet.

And it's still going, where's that fucking food? So I'll eat another meal. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then half an hour later it goes oh we get it that trick yeah that thing they tell you where it's like a meal should take you this long to eat because your brain takes time to catch up right i think it's yeah i know i've i've got a trick myself i've got to go right i know you want another meal just wait half an hour then see how you feel yeah and lately i've been doing that a bit more and the body's like yeah what the fuck were

you thinking 25 minutes ago? Especially if you like at a restaurant, you order a bit more and then by the time it, like you order it and then like five minutes later, you're like, oh, I actually do not want this at all. Yes. You just see the person carrying it out. You're like, oh God, I can't do it. Yeah.

I can't do this. Yes. Um, Seamus Lilly. I look, I'm going to, I'm going to put it out there. It is a man. I think so do this. Yes. Seamus Lily. Look, I'm going to put it out there. It is a man. I think so. Yeah, I've never heard of Seamus as a lady name. I don't know.

It just seems like the feminine way of spelling it. That's all. And then the Lily has unnecessarily swayed me that way, which makes no sense because Lily's the surname, not the fucking first name. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I get you. But this might be, despite the spelling being slightly different,

I'm assuming this is Chris's brother. This is the name equivalent of Bugs Bunny putting on a wig and lipstick. Yeah. But yes, no. Yeah, Irish comedian known for his beautiful character work. His version of blackface, which is just slightly less white than everyone else in Ireland. Yeah.

Yeah. Or is this just a new character? Oh, yeah. He's doing four-leaf cloverface. He's like, yeah, he's like, you know what? I got in trouble for everything else. I don't think you can get in trouble

for making fun of the Irish. Yeah, exactly. I think I'll do that. Yeah. And I'll just use my surname. I've sort of given up. This character is one of my Irish relatives. Yeah. Yeah. And I'll just use my surname. I've sort of given up. This character is one of my Irish relatives.

It's like me doing the equivalent of a Dame Edna character. It's just me. My name's Mrs. Carl Chandler. Mrs. Carl Chandler, that's me. It's either Seamus Lilley or Chris O'Lilley. I'm Mrs. Carl Chandler. That's not bad. That's a good one for the worst of Melbourne comedy. Oh, yeah, I'm Mrs. Carl Chandler. That's not bad. That's a good one for the worst of Melbourne comedy.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Mrs. Carl Chandler. Yeah, yeah. Doing a female parody of myself and the audience members not knowing what the fucking base character was. Yeah. Yeah. Get it? I'm a girl instead of what I was before.

Are you? What if instead of seeing duck sandwich at a cafe, I saw it at the nail salon? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then the sandwich had frilly toothpicks in them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wouldn't that be funny? I was drinking a Chardonnay with the nail salon. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And then the sandwich had frilly toothpicks in them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wouldn't that be funny? I was drinking a Chardonnay with the duck sandwich. Yeah, exactly. That's cool. Well, thank you, Seamus. Yeah, thanks, Seamus. He's also, this is the guy. I have no idea what this is, but on the Facebook profile it says,

owner at Oath for Suicide. So that sounds nice. Yeah, yeah. I've got no idea what that is, but I'm... Here we go. We make oaths to do outrageous sporting marathons to raise money for advocacy in mental health. Mm-hmm. We make oaths to do outrageous sporting marathons.

I wonder what an outrageous sporting marathon is. I mean, sporting is... You don't probably need that in there for marathons, I guess. All marathons are fairly sporty. Movie marathons aren't. No. They're the opposite. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, let us know what your most outrageous sporting marathon is, Seamus. Yeah. Thanks, Seamus. I'd love to know. Thanks, Seamus. And thank you to know. Thanks, Seamus. And thank you for contributing money and lessening our likelihood of suicide. Slightly. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jonathan Davies.

Jonathan Davies. Yeah. We've done a pretty outrageous marathon today. Just thinking about it. Yeah. A marathon of content. Yes. That's as outrageous as it gets.

Some of the stuff we say. Some of the stuff we come up with. It fills me with rage. Some of the riffs we had on those Patreon bonus eps coming up at the end of this week. Yeah, it's pretty hot. Look, if you haven't, I know some of you just go straight to Talking Dumb Dumb. And this is the favourite part of your week. But, you know, I would say go back, listen to what we've done before this because I thought it was really funny. The actual episode was really funny.

It was really funny. Yeah. Yeah. So I know a lot of you just like this bit, but take a chance. Yeah. Rewind. Yeah. Be kind. You might discover someone new.

You might discover your new favorite comedian. Yes. But Jonathan Davies, our new favorite patreon subscriber can't believe that the um that the lead singer of corn has subscribed and spelled his name slightly wrong how do you that's awesome it's crazy that you know who that that man that man's name why i i just would not i don't know it that's but that's i'm of Korn, but that's right in your, that's in my wheelhouse of, I think, the timeline of how people usually are knowledgeable about music. Yeah, Korn are one of those bands, though, where I feel like there's not, I don't know,

I always assume that they're someone who, anyone outside of fans doesn't know who the people in the band are. No. So they would have been around when I was 20 to 25 when you've got the time and the patience and the interest in learning about stuff in music. Whereas now, like new bands come out, I don't give a fuck. Not in a bad way, but life moves on and you have other priorities. So back then, I'm like, I'm a fucking vacuum for all that sort of stuff.

It's like, great, awesome. Oh, yeah. And what's the what's the you know i know i think i know some of the other fucking members of the band like i know names of members of marilyn marilyn manson's band i don't even i've got no interest in their music but i know i know some of the names of events because i used to like reading music magazines yeah yeah all that sort of stuff go to sanity pull out the little booklet yeah leaf through the credits oh I mean even the street press you know it doesn't happen as much these days

but yeah the street press used to be a fucking great old read and now I've got to do things like parent or work so or go to Thailand

yes and so there's not as much time to learn that fucking Twiggy Ramirez plays an instrument in Marilyn Manson. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, Jonathan Davies is the lead singer. He's gone a bit the way of Robert Smith, lead singer of The Cure. As in, they're in their peaks. They're in their early to mid-20s and wearing a lot of makeup. And they're looking all right. And then all of them keep doing that except they become fat and 50. And then it's like, oh, this is bad. This looks bad.

Big, puffy, chunky dudes that are still playing with makeup. Like they're fucking 16. It's worth thinking about if you're starting a band when you're young. What's the aesthetic going to be when we're older? How are we going to age gracefully? Are we going to draw a line in the sand where we go at a certain era we're getting rid of the makeup we're getting rid of all that shit and we're just going to be old guys in comfortable clothes yeah and we do that with some dignity or are we going to just

like get all of us get a ton of work done botox all of it to just maintain this look what do you do you got to you know you got to think about these things. I get it because without the makeup, what have you got left? Some of these chumps. But it does not – I would like to think even they admit it's not an amazing look. No. It just looks a bit weird. Yeah.

But hey, kids are getting away with it. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Because that makeup is doing what makeup should.'s like anti-aging hiding them yeah totally because once you got the makeup on it's like oh they don't look 70 anymore they're just like fucking idiot clowns like that for 40 years but i mean having done it for as long as they have and having to like still be factoring in the fucking however long it is to sit in the chair and get that done like i'd be i'm surprised i haven't heard more about from them about this is the consequence in the fucking however long it is to sit in the chair and get that done.

Like, God. I'm surprised I haven't heard more from them about, this is the consequence of wearing makeup every day for 50 years. Our face is fucked. Our skin is fucked. Yeah, I wonder if they've reached a point where they had to do like a really strict skin regime to start counteracting that. Yeah, I reckon. Well, Jonathan Davies, that's you.

Yeah. You put on your podcast listening makeup every day to listen to us. And we really appreciate it. Yeah. It's good for you to dress up for the podcast. Thanks, Mr. Cornhole. Thanks, you little freak on a leash. Yeah.

What's your favorite corn song? I don't have one. I dislike them all equally. Yeah. I reckon that stuff hit me at the right... Yeah, man, that would have been... Fuck. I reckon age 20 or something like that.

So it's like stuff I don't really like, but it's around the stuff I did like, sort of. Oh, yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah. I remember they were one of the first ones or maybe the only one or whatever it was to start incorporating sporting sort of stuff into cool alternative clothes oh yeah getting adidas stuff involved i was like oh yeah

yeah yeah this is all right no i just i hated all that stuff of that era yeah like all of that anything like yeah i like harder music now but like that that era i just i hated all that stuff of that era. Yeah. Like all of that. Anything like, yeah, I like harder music now, but like that era, I just hated all of it. Yeah, yeah. Even now when people have like, I don't even know if it's ironic or what it is, but like people go, oh yeah, these couple of Limp Bizkit songs are great. I'm like, I hated all of it then. Yeah. I hate it now.

Did you? Not for me. Was it partly because of why I remember not very much hating Guns N' Roses, whereas I can listen to them now and go, oh, those are pretty good songs or whatever it is. I'm not, you know, huge. I don't really care one way or the other. But it was definitely influenced over the people who liked Guns N' Roses back then and just me going, I don't like them, so I don't like you.

No, it wasn't so much that. It was just, I like rock music now, but I didn't for a very long time like you know my favorite band of that era was jamiroquai and then i was really into like all of that like stuff that had influenced them like any kind of like funk soul all of that like more mellow kind vibe kind of stuff i was like way more into i just like those like aggressive like harsh tones of like that other of like yeah the big rock music of the time i just didn't i just never really got into it yeah i just like yeah didn't wasn't really into the vibe and then came around on it but yeah i just had no interest in anything that was like outside of this one very specific palette you didn't you just you weren't, despite you being, you know, feeling ostracized from society

and really wanting to fucking kill your teachers and stuff. Despite the fact you had the same, you know, the same sort of background and the same view on life and society. Yeah. You just didn't like the music. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I've always considered myself very

twisted yeah yeah yeah i remember reading there was like this compilation album that got put out that was like all this stuff that um jimmy require had curated of yeah old funk stuff that was awesome and i remember reading an interview with jk where he was like yeah one of my favorite bands is acdc and i was like what i was like so confused by that yeah of like but oh what yeah i felt like betrayed yeah which of course yeah you could someone can have like influences outside of what they're you know churning out but i was just like this makes no sense to me yeah as a kid that makes no sense um but now it's like it's like it's like saying to us well you guys only listen to two white guys

making up fucking dog shit on podcasts yeah not really no this is just our job yeah you guys must only like bad comedy

well thanks thanks Korn thanks thanks Jono thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Erin Byrne Erin Aaron Byrne. Aaron.

Aaron Byrne, B-Y-R-N-E. The sophisticated version of Byrne. Press her name. Yeah. Could be a relation of the talking head himself. It could be. David Byrne. Yeah.

I get it. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Hmm. I get it. Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. Um, yeah. It's hitting me. What are you going to do on the flight? I was thinking I'd do some work or watch a movie, but I genuinely think I might just

sleep. I'm so tired. I would love to do that. I think I'm just going to try and go to sleep. I'll close my eyes. A little. Yeah. Yeah.

I, yeah, there's not too much else i can do without wi-fi so i don't think there'll be too much too much to do yeah a little bit of paperwork maybe but i think paperwork yeah sign some contracts admin yeah yeah yeah um yeah not too much it's well the the the most beautiful flight in australiaelaide to Melbourne or Melbourne to Adelaide. You're up in the air and then all of a sudden you're down. Oh, yeah. That's life, baby. That's a roller coaster.

That's like us. We started recording this morning. We were full of vim and vigor and now we're down. The wheels are up. I'm not doing this, Tommy. Trade tables are stowed. I'm up. I hate the idea of people listening to us complain again about we're tired,

so I'm not doing it. I'm trying not to complain. I'm just trying to be factual. I'm not saying, oh, God, I have to do this. I'm just wanting full disclosure. If we're sounding a little all over the place, that's just where we're at. I'm up, baby. I think the air con in this room does not work as well,

so it's a little stuffy. No, I think it works okay okay um it's it like i said god i mean i wish you'd seen i'm enjoying being in this room compared to the fucking hotel room i had it is bad and i stayed in the same fucking hotel last week and i couldn't change my hotel after staying there last week so i was like oh fucking hell as soon as you get a hotel room that's got a couch in it, you feel like a millionaire. Having somewhere where you can sit that's not on the bed, you're like, oh, my God. I'm basically in a house.

I'm at home. I've got all the creature comforts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, you've brought a lot of stuff to Adelaide for one night. Well, I've only got that one suitcase, and I had to have all the recording gear in there. And then at that point, it's like, well, I may as well just put a few extra clothes in there that i need yeah i may as well just fill up the suitcase for the hell of it yeah yeah but yeah i bought i bought like three more shirts than what i needed just i don't know maybe i'll get there and i'll feel like wearing different clothes i don't know yeah yeah this is like yeah chucking stuff in for the hell of it. Yeah. I'm the opposite. Only carry-on shit.

So I... No, to be honest, I did bring a big change of wardrobe. I brought 15 Dum Dum Club t-shirts. So this morning I could have felt like wearing number one or number eight or number 13 Dum Dum Club shirt. Yeah. I'm going to have to really be smart with packing for this japan trip because it's pretty cold over there which immediately means like everything you you know you're bringing like jackets and stuff which immediately just takes

up so much room like if you want and especially for two weeks like need a few changes but gonna have to really be uh really be smart with the amount of space i'm taking up yeah yeah yeah if you're if you're packing that heavy for Adelaide, you're going to need some sort of fucking Kardashian-shaped I don't know what to fucking bring to over there. Aaron Byrne.

I like both names. I like the combination. There's no higher compliment I can pay. Yeah. Particularly today. Yeah. Yeah. Only because I can't think of a higher compliment.

I know. That's it. My brain has just legitimately stopped working. Again, this isn't a complaint. Yes. This is just what's happening. This is life. My brain is just locked off.

Thanks, Aaron Byrne. Thanks, Aaron Byrne. Thanks, Aaron Byrne. But see, this is what's great about having done a great episode with a great guest. Who cares what happens now? Yeah. I feel like we overdid it then. Yeah. You got an 11 out of 10 episode.

Yeah. And now, you're getting one mark off this episode. Instead of the 5 out of 10, we usually give you a talking dumb number. It's 4 out of ten. You got one extra guest than you normally get. Yes. There you go. You've gotten the same amount of comedy overall across this whole episode.

I would have said. You had to funnel some resources out of this bit. Yeah. Instead of having an extra guest on the main app, this bit could have done with an extra guest to help us over the line with this bit. I tried. I really wanted to get someone else to come and do one of these with us, but no one could.

Yeah. Well, thank you, Aaron Byrne. Thank you, Aaron Byrne. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Dylan McCabe. Dylan McCabe? Yeah. Okay. Now, what is...

Thank you, Dylan. There's a lot... You know what? I reckon I said this last time. So many Dylans have subscribed to this show over the years yeah it's such a popular name um but uh unlike like last week when penny subscribed the first ever penny um what's the timing wise for the plane tommy how's it looking do you reckon i think we're looking okay i think we can still do it you've only got to be there half an hour before uh you can still drop bags half an hour before the flight takes off.

So the plan is at the moment is that we are booked on a much later flight. And you're thinking, if we can get this done, we'll race out there, get on an earlier flight. What, for anyone that hasn't done this before, what is the protocol? You go up to the desk and go, listen, I'm booked in for this. Can you just put me on a different plane? You can get, well, you can log in and do it through the app. Okay, yeah. Which is what I'd be doing.

Yeah. I think, so look, this next flight, it's 20 to 5 now. The earlier flight that I was looking at is at 5.45. So in just over an hour. Right. It's like a 15-ish minute drive to the airport. Yeah. I think we can maybe do it. Okay.45. So in just over an hour. Right. It's like a 15-ish minute drive to the airport. Yeah. I think we can maybe do it.

Okay. Maybe. Oh, fuck. Now that you're saying that, that sounds very tight. It's very tight. Yeah. Look, if I was just booked on that flight and I had to make it, I'd be really stressing out. Yeah.

But if we just head out there and we can keep an eye on how things are going and maybe do it on the fly, like change it on the fly, maybe we'll get away with that. Okay. Well, in that case, I reckon we give Dylan McCabe about one more minute. Sorry, Dylan. I'm fine with that. Yeah.

And look, we can just let you, we can just check in with Dylan on the Patreon and let him know if we made that earlier flight and made it home earlier. We can say, look, Dylan, it's all because of you and your selfless receiving of a shorter Patreon read that we made at home earlier. Let's do it shorter, but let's pack it. I'm setting the timer. Let's go as hard but as fast as we can for one minute on the name Dylan McCabe. Oh, Jesus. And the stopwatch is starting now.

Okay. A guy called Dylan was at my friend's school, and he was a real weird guy. And then he went on a date with my friend, and we were like, how was the date with Dylan? And she said, yeah, midway through the movie, he took my hand and took one of my fingers and started sucking on it and looking at me suggestively as if to go like, how about you do this later on? Yeah. An insane move.

What movie? I can't remember. Fuck. That would be good. When the rest of the story is that good. Yeah, I know. As if the movie is hanging around in my, you know, it would have been some just shit rom-com of the time of 2002 or whatever.

Well, yeah, that's what I'm hoping for. I'm hoping for it's like, oh, it's Police Academy 5. And it's like, stop sucking on my finger when there's a man going up a horse's ass. It would have been something of that nature. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What would be an appropriate movie to suck on someone's finger? A porno.

Yeah, nice. You bring your date to a porno, to a porno theatre, and then you're looking at a dick going into an ass on screen and then seductively looking at your date and going, how about... Well, so that's my... Yeah, anytime I hear the name Dylan, I just always am going to think of that. Yeah, sucking on fingers. That weird guy who sucked on my friend's finger in high school.

There you go. Well, that's a one minute and ten seconds right there. Oh, beautiful. Yeah, that's a nice Atlantic note that you've inspired. And so that's what, one, two, three, four. Let's just do one more because you've inspired. And so that's what? One, two, three, four. Let's just do one more because we've got to race off. Let's just give one minute.

Cool. One minute. Oh, one minute. Yeah, yeah. To this next name. To this next name. Okay. See if there's enough in this next name and we'll give one minute.

Right. Here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber MrComedy. MrComedy. And it starts now. Okay. Well, comedy, that's pretty funny to have the surname Comedy. Yeah, I guess so.

Given everything. I guess so. Is there a name or the name's just Mr.? Mr., it says here. Well, that's also funny. I can just go off this. Mr. as a first name is actually quite a good first name. That's pretty funny.

Yeah, it's really funny. If I had a kid, if I had a son called him Mr. Chandler, that is really... Have we done that before? But then being trans son and called him Mr. Chandler, that is really... Have we done that before? But then being trans and being Mrs. Mr. Chandler. Right. That would be really good if there was like mail directed to your house and it's like, this is for Mr. Chandler. Oh, that's my three-year-old.

That'll be a birthday card from my mum. When you say Mr. Chandler, is it like the title or like the name is Mr.? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That is just one of those great funny ideas that then fucks your life and your kids forever. Sorry. Just look at the timer.

Oh, 69 minutes. Wow. We got carried away. Wow. Well, thanks Mr. Comedy.

Thanks everyone who supports the show. Thank you for listening and we'll see you next time. See you mates. See you mates.