The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 702 - Nick Cody & Ben Knight

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

This week we're joined by NICK CODY and BEN KNIGHT! Cody comes in swinging after hearing us berate him for attending the Taylor Swift concert, Knighty's had a hose up his ass, Tommy's been trying comedy in Japan, and we've had some incredible offers for sponsorship for the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Nick, Cody and Ben Knight. We have live shows coming up in Melbourne. Saturdays at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. March 30, April 6, April 13 and April 20 at Basement Comedy Club. That's right, and we've got a brand new show in a different city. We're going to announce mid-episode, Tommy, so we'll do that very soon. Yeah, until then, enjoy this new episode with guests Nick Cody and Ben Knight. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another week. Thank you very

much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dickhead. And joining us today, two of Queensland's finest, Ben Knight and Nick Cody. Yeah. It's just two babushka dolls that can't fit inside each other. They're just sort of the same. Just two rangers of the same athleticism.

Yeah. Don't joke about that. You're strong as shit, dude. We did deadlifts together in Wagga Wagga. Yeah. That was a while back. It was a fair while back. No, you know what it is?

Nighty is... Cody's eaten the Super Mario mushroom and then he turns into Nighty. Yeah, no, that's what I always say. Nighty is what I think I look like after four beers. Fucking walk out. I'm just getting around. That's what I see in the bathroom mirror. Fucking looking good, Cody.

Looking jacked, bro. Yeah. Yeah. That's the same, honestly. I don't know how to respond to that. It's a really nice compliment. Thank you, dude. Suck shit, fuckhead., it's a really nice compliment. Thank you, dude. But yeah.

Suck shit, fuckhead. Yeah. It's so weird getting a compliment. You guys just, aren't you meant to fucking roast cunts or something like that? Yeah, but give us something to work with. Well, I thought I'd give you a head start today, boys. And I'm wearing my Travis Kelsey Taylor Swift t-shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard you talking shit about me the other day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I answered the door, I was like, someone's been listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. He got a text straight day. When I answered the door, I was like, someone's been listening. Oh, yeah. He got a text straight away. I think... Fuck you, motherfucker. The newest and oldest Swifty. Yeah.

Nick Cody. Tay Tay. Yeah. The new super fan. Yeah. Good. Fake fan. Name three of your ex-boyfriends.

Oh, fuck. That's a great question. There was that guy from 1975. There was... Carl Chand 1975. There was... Carl Chandler. Yeah. Yeah. Was it 1975?

Is that right? The band? Yeah, the 1975. Yeah, that's him. Yep. Matty Healy. There was Jake Gyllenhaal. Yes.

Harry Styles. Wasn't Harry Styles... I don't know. Was that a confirmed one? Yeah. He's on the... Oh, hang on, hang on. What did we ask?

You asked that fucking expert. Oh, yeah, sorry. That's me, pop culture expert. John Tesh. No, Nick Cody, we did mention it because you're all over the socials just absolutely making a fucking idiot of yourself. What do you mean?

Having the best night of your life, man. It was gross. Well, go out and night of your life. Do some better things. Find some better events. Friday night, Taylor Swift. Sunday, UFC. You know, the duality of man. That's proper uni-game. Man's a strong word, but yeah, go on. Saturday afternoon,

taking the nail polish off from Friday night and putting the face paint on for Sunday. What do you think UFC fans are doing? Not the jungle fucking fighting. Just at a pub. Yeah, I don't know. Isn't there a sort of team spirit to UFC?

Aren't you getting fucking kitted up for that? I don't know. Just screaming at a TV in a pub. I feel like when I mentioned to you, you just went me straight away and I was like, because I saw you and I was like, oh, Taylor Swift. And you're like, fuck you. You like Elvis Costello.

That's all I know. I'm like, yeah, you're right. I'm a middle-aged man. I'm into middle-aged things. But I was like, that's fine. But I was like, fuck, someone's been rattling the cage before me. I reckon I'm the last station. I reckon you copped a lot before you got to me it was me in the mirror what have you become i heard that you got it you're in a ufc group chat

and you're just getting piled on yes daniel slot in a big ufc group chat and you uh daniel sloss's bucks party thing just fucking absolutely copying it right from half of those fucking fat virgins. Man, I was fucking crushing it at Taylor Swift with my hot wife. No lineups at the bar, no line for the men's toilets. It fucking ruled. It was the best night. But the only thing is, with a comedian, you're supposed to perform at hen's nights,

not be part of the hen's nights, that's all. That's generally the rule. The sash looked great on you, I will say that. I'll tell you what, there was a lot of there. Male Little Dum Dum Club fans and Midfly Brawl fans. Really? Heaps of dudes, most of them with their young daughters. This is the rod you make for... You're a very specific person that somehow you can be bullied

for attending a concert by easily the most popular artist on the planet right now. You know what I mean? Like it's the most broad thing and still for some reason just you being there is like, ah. It is funny. Your whole identity is it looks like bashing people that go to Taylor Swift and now you are one.

Yeah. How did that beer taste coming out of the little penis straw? By the way, that wasn't a straw. Right, so now he's gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why not? Why not? I say no lines for beers.

I meant vodka cruises. No, I did have two. Well, I had a lot of beers, but they also had margaritas in a can, which was a nice difference. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, the beer line would have been quite small, I would have thought. None.

There was none there. I remember going to get a drink, because have been quite small, I would have thought. None. There was none there. I remember going to get a drink because she's like a three and a half hour concert. But once it starts, people are just proper sweet. They're just fucking locked in. Yeah, really. No movement. People were wearing nappies, I heard. People were wearing nappies just so they didn't have to go to the toilet.

That's fucking insane. I wouldn't put it past them. It does feel like that. You know what? Like, I mean, I remember me and you, we went to see Beatles Cir du soleil in vegas and we paid fucking so much money for it yeah and we got so pissed yeah and then it was like a 90 minute show and i was sitting there going do i piss myself or do i walk out to the toilet and miss 50 worth of entertainment yeah yeah that's right because we loaded up on those like special, the fucking Ringo cocktail.

Yeah, whatever they were. We had like four of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just slammed them in quick succession and then they all hit as we're like in the seats and the fucking lights are swirling around. That was simultaneously the best and worst night of my life. But I remember you guys went to that. I don't think...

We were back there a year later and Carl wanted to go again and he was trying to talk us into going. Because I went with you. We all went to Penn and Teller. Yeah. Yes. And it was the same thing, Maggot. Yeah.

So I'm watching six men on a stage going, is this the trick? There's heaps of them. I'm just blind. I remember none of it. But it's so much. And also we had the worst seat. So we're like 600 metres away and it's like,

oh, good sleight of hand trick, I guess. See where that coin went? Didn't know he had one. What I remember from that evening is you were so hell-bent on seeing the show again, Carl. I was like, I mean, I'd go again, but also we could see something else, and you were like so militant on it, and you were like, look, I'll get the tickets, and you say to Cody, I'll get the tickets, you don't have I'll get the tickets you don't have to pay

just like come and host Spleen when we get back and you know we'll call it even and Cody goes oh fuck so not only do I have to sit through Cirque du Soleil

I have to host comedy as well yeah I enjoy Cirque du Soleil as well you know it's good fun yeah a Taylor Swift Cirque du Soleil I could see that happening

in our lifetime yeah it was genuinely fun though. But that's the thing that annoys me. You're saying it's the best night of my life and the best show and whatever. You're in the fucking rafters. You're about 700 metres away. You know I hate about phones.

It doesn't show how close you are. I remember being at a UFC like five rows back and you take a photo and you're like fucking I'm not there what is this a fishbowl lens what the fuck's going on

it's like when you try to take a photo with a moon like full moon it's like yeah this looks sick we're a few rows up on level one at the G so we're just above ground the ground

it was fucking great seats but the footage did look like it was from a drone I know what you mean I was just in Japan and like constantly like ah it's beautiful take a photo of this and then you look at it on from a drone. I was just in Japan and constantly like, oh, it's beautiful. I'll take a photo of this

and then you look at it on the screen and you're like, why bother? This is not capturing what I'm actually seeing at all. I'm out. I just went to two concerts over in Japan. Taylor Swift? Let me think. No.

A band called Chai. He did wear a nappy. Just for the whole... I don't want to waste any time in Japan going to the toilet. I don't want to miss anything. I'd rather go septic than miss the opportunity to buy another anime figurine. A used one out of a vending machine. Oh, I sold it for a high price before I left.

My great-grandpa fought him for a reason. He was onto something. But concerts over there, you know, you hear the, like, the tell of them before you go and it's like, it's so good. Like, concert over there starts bang on time. Yeah. No support act. Lean hour and 15 minutes.

Everyone's, like, silent in between the sets. No one's drinking. You have to, like, get a drink when you go's drinking you have to like get a drink when you go in you have to like pay for a drink ticket get that no one is leaving and getting drinks at all no lines for the bar yeah and then just like yeah starts bang on 7 30 out by quarter past nine fucking heaven oh yeah but i i think what about performing there because i've seen a few youtube videos of like you know live shows from there and you see a lot of end of the song and then the band's banter in between going,

oh, I guess you cunts hate us. Yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously now if you're an English-speaking band and you go over there, you're getting worded up. Like, hey, they're into it, they're respectful, but there's just not going to be that low hum of noise in between every song. But yeah, you can imagine back in the day

before the internet and before promoters realising they had to word people up, you could imagine someone coming in and being like, are we bombing? I mean, no one's leaving. They're all watching. Taylor's going to be over there in Tokyo and in between songs, he's nothing but Cody playing,

shake it off again. Do shake it off again. My favourite song's Willow, you fucking huck. But yeah, totally. She cut Wildest Dream short and I think I was the only bloke going, boo. Cody's the example of why they say never go full breakfast radio host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you know all these songs before you went there?

We knew a bunch of them. I've only been a fan for about literally nine months i reckon yeah right and did luch get you into that no no so a mate of mine breeze like fucking mental fan yeah she was trying to get tickets yeah um i was like mate let's see what i can fucking do on the number one breakfast radio show whatever i'll fucking figure it out yeah and i And I said, you know what? I took my boys on a road trip last year for like a week around Victoria. Yeah. And I was like, man, I normally listen to rap music,

but I can't with them in the car. I'll put on like the Taylor Swift Ears Tour playlist. Yeah. And then I was like, fuck, this is grouse. And we listened to it so much that the Spotify rapped I couldn't post because it said you're in the top 3%

of Taylor Swift fans in the world. Globally. Wow. That's impressive. How long was this road trip? Where did you fucking drive to? China? No, we went to Taylor's house.

Where is she? Man, my two-year-old son, Max, who's a fucking unit just loves rugby and Tay Swift Dad put on Tay Swift Dad Tay Swift he's just holding the ball trying to run through a wall

it's my son it's going to be like those highlights you know they do those you know it used to be that boom here comes the boom it's just going to be Taylor Swift songs

with like all the biggest hits I hope there was some big rough cunt with a beard in 1963 in Melbourne that's gone to Festival Hall and then they've done a radio show after and gone, you go and see the Beatles, did you, you fucking poofed up? Love me, dude.

More like love me cock. Wow, radio was awesome back in the 60s. It really ruled. What did we do? I just thought you were doing Triple M now. But no, it did look like a lot of fun. It was fucking grouse. Yeah.

I know what I'm walking into to get mocked, but you know what? It's not like I haven't done enough of the beers in the UFC. Give the bloke some credit for trying to expand his horizons. A little sorbet concert. Yeah. It's beautiful. Clearing the palate.

Now shut the fuck up. Well, speaking of nappies, I was in Japan, like I said. Good segue. For the last two weeks. And I used the bum gun for the first time. Oh, shit. I'd never dabbled. What?

I'd always been a bit scared. Dude. Yeah. Way to go. It was fucking They fucking rule Great The actual gun or did you use a proper

They've got like the automated Like there's this little button That you push on the wall And then you just hear like There was one night where I was in a bar And it had like Cause kinda every toilet

Is like slightly different So the like I'm trying to find like the button For just flashing It didn't have any English on it And I pushed one And the little like bum cannon Just like slides out And goes And I'm standing above it and it just like slides out

and goes and i started freaking out that this thing was just gonna like fucking spray me in the face but no like near the end of the trip i was like i can't i can't go home having i've never dabbled in it before and uh man that is some good stuff rules, man. I've got a mate who's renovating his house at the minute and the biggest thing he's spent is he's got two $5,000 Japanese toilets. You know what? We were joking about that, about the idea of being the ultimate weeb that you go around to their house and it's like they've gotten the Japanese toilet. The seat doesn't fit because their toilet shapes are different

so it's just rattling around. Oh no no you've got to get the actual toilet you've got to have a power supply in the like next to the toilet to like operate the thing you don't go to kogan.com and yeah extension cord running out of the bathroom like into the kitchen to power the toilet yeah catch.com.au i've got a 48 dollar per day you go no no no then, of course, that kind of guy, you open it up and it's like the bowl is just covered in shit. Just like the worst diarrhea you've ever seen. Oh, they don't have Guinness over there. Well, they don't know what they're battling. It is insane that of all the technological innovations in Japan that were absorbed by the West,

that the cleaning toilet is the one thing that we went, nah, you can keep that. We're not fucking it. That seems like a thing where if the rest of the world had gotten onto the bum gun, we would talk about that like it was the Middle Ages. There was a point in time where people truly just used to use paper and that was it. Isn't that barbaric?

That's why they're so happy. I could not think of anything sad when I used it. Did it dry as well? The one that I used... Well, I've used it a couple of times. The first time I ever used a bum gun was in Brazil. I used it... Just a hose?

I just used a hose in Brazil. In Thailand, I've done. Yeah, that I can't do. The self-operate, I don't... Self-operate, you're not into it? I didn't mind it. That's too difficult. I was four down when I used that.

You love it. Now that you're addicted to liquid up the arse, you're not going to get your own new toilet. You're just going to go to Wet-on-Wellington all the time. Well, I mean, honestly, I was like, the one I used had a pressure button, and I'm like, this feels fucking great. How high can I get this thing to go?

I want more. Just at SeaWorld with a fucking huge boner. I mean, the petrol station's there too. There's a little guy. They come out, and they're like... Wet-on-Well. Doing a 69 with a dolphin Wet and wild Full speed

No shorts on down the slide Let's go Let's get this ball At the petrol stations They do They're like You don't even get out of the car Little guy comes and like

Does it for you They're cleaning your ass for you With the You know you go to Thailand You're filling up yourself Someone with a squeegee Coming up to your ass It's two bucks mate What I'm scared about though Someone with a squeegee coming up to your arse.

It's two bucks, mate. What I'm scared about, though, is if I got that for my house, then my toilet becomes the best toilet in my life. Yeah. And then it's like, then you almost don't. Yeah. You almost want some shit parts of your house to make you want to leave home and explore other places, whereas if your house is too nice, you're like. So if you make your house like the best of all the holidays you ever take,

you just never want to leave your house again. Yeah, you become Howard Hughes. Just install a beach in your kitchen. Cody kidnaps Taylor Swift. She's like chained up in the living room, just on call whenever he feels like a little bop. But it is – because it's like we've missed the boat. If we were ever going to adopt the bum gun over here and in the West in general, it is because it's like we've missed the boat if we were ever going to adopt

the bum gun over here and in the west in general it would have happened by now you know it's net now that it's not happened at this point it's never going to happen no like you don't reckon i don't reckon like how do you get it to take up now all of a sudden well i don't know i mean this i mean japan i didn't know japan was that hot on it but japan is like now the number number two place for tourism I think people coming from Australia now yeah it's getting hotter and hotter

so they're going to bring back more and more stuff but like I said the fact that they're all they're all you need a powerpoint like next to the toilet so all of a sudden

it's getting extension everyone the Thai version the self-operating one that's not plugged in though is it that's just a hose

that's a hose but that probably needs a separate like thing as well I haven't done your version I've just done the hose you've only done the hose fuck the one

so I was in Vietnam with my girlfriend and I just had an egg coffee I don't know if you had one of those ones fucking hell yeah

and so it went straight through me oh really what part of that gave that away I had an egg curry coffee and then next thing I was on the toilet straight through me. Oh, really? What part of that gave you that away? I had an egg curry coffee,

and then next thing I was on the toilet. I had diarrhea juice. I ate a dog shit, and then me tum-tum was off. I don't know what happened. I drilled a hole in my arsehole. Another one. And then... A moment on the lips,

a lifetime of the squits. Yeah, it fucking... It did. It went straight through me. I'd just done like 12 hours because we went up into Hanoi. So we flew in, egg coffee. My friends were all trying one when we were there and I was like, what's the, what's, they're like, do you want one?

I'm like, what's the plan after this? Are we just going to the room and chilling for a bit? Because if so, I'm in. If we're planning on a long walk, I'm out. I'm not engaged. We're going to do hill sprints. Bring extra shorts. we're doing yoga that is a bad drink

if you have to make plans for after you have a drink yeah yeah yeah I think it's more that I got my gallbladder cut out so like

certain things I don't know what's fucking with it I think that was one of them because I just ran straight I've still got mine

I reckon it would hurt me I don't think the gallbladder's got anything on a fucking egg coffee. It's not. Keeping a curry and getting diarrhea and being like, I guess my gallbladder must have fucked up in the middle of the night. Something's wrong with my body, not my choices. So, yeah, you got destroyed by this egg coffee. And I met this, I don't know what it was.

I'd been on the plane for about 12 hours, hadn't really slept. Met this old lady and she reminded me of my nana who had just sort of died a couple of months before. So I went to the bathroom. For some reason, I opened up my phone and my nan was still on my phone. I just started crying. But then I pressed the bidet and it shot me in the ass. And I completely stopped crying.

It's like the reset button on a motor. The tears went back in. Yeah, dude. Man, you gave yourself the Super Nintendo. That's what it is. Dude, I just completely stopped crying. I was like, this fucking feels phenomenal. It is such a good feeling.

It is funny too. It reminds me of when my dear Nana was alive and shot water up my ass. She would have loved this. This would have killed her all over again. You know you put your thumb over the end of the hose and give it some fucking hot sauce. But it's like everything about everything.

So many things have to change. A high-pressure bum gun. That would be amazing. Just really clean anything that's fucking hanging around your nose. You don't want too much though. You're just reaching around under the bowl and doing that, like putting your finger over the top of it to get it that. It hanging around your ass. You don't want too much though. You're just reaching around under the bowl and like doing that, like putting your finger over the top of it to get it that.

It feels fucking awesome though. Isn't that what people do when they get the fucking hose in their ass to get all the. Oh, the steak. Yeah, the T-bone steak out in 2009. Yeah. Have you guys ever had one of that?

Never in my life would I. The colonic. Colonic? Oh, you wouldn't do it? You wouldn't do it? Fuck no. I've done it. I'm keen.

I like the idea. I don't know whether it practically. No, don't do it. It no. I've done it. I'm keen. I like the idea. I don't know whether it practically... Don't do it. It's the dumbest shit ever. I got a coffee enema. I was... Fucking hell. Man.

You've really cleaned yourself out coffee style. Have you ever just had a latte? Flat white. This guy loves coffee. Melbournian alert. I just moved to Melbourne. A lot of people do it Just for the taste But you're just

Fucking hell bent on No man Excavating My ex girlfriend No the G spot's up there Makes the coffee taste even better I got a scoop of Nescafe And I mixed heroin in

And shot up You know Jesus Fuck it's good No I just moved to Melbourne My ex girlfriend It's supposed to be Just to refresh you

Not to hit some Load bearing walls Inside your ass Dude It sucked I hated it so much Really Yeah but I was with My ex-girlfriend. It's supposed to be just to refresh you, not to hit some load-bearing walls inside your ass. Dude, it sucked. I hated it so much. Really? Yeah, but I was with my ex-girlfriend.

What do they do? What do the enemas do? No, the coffee one. It just makes you feel like you've had a fucking real good coffee. Okay. But I didn't drink coffee at that point. It just keeps your ass up. Oh, man.

I'd never drunk coffee at that. Well, I've had a couple, but whatever. I came here with my ex-girlfriend. I'll try it on my ass first. And if I like that, I'll start drinking it. It's a gateway. Different type of gateway. If it's good, I just have to have one up the ass every morning to wake me up.

I'll tell you what, I've never eaten since a whole watermelon. Not a fan. I've tried eaten since a whole watermelon not a fan I tried it once so my ex made me do it she didn't make me do it I just went along I just went along with her so she

she was the instigator well you know she was on she was on Married at First Sight by the way really what which season

my ex was my ex was on Married at First Sight oh your ex was yeah oh right okay no not my current girlfriend I was on Married at First Sight, by the way. Really? What? Which season? My ex was on Married at First Sight. Oh, your ex was? Yeah. Oh, right. Okay. No, not my current girlfriend. I was going to say.

No, my ex-girlfriend was on Married at First Sight. Normally Married at First Sight is only mentally ill chicks, not people that drink coffee with their assholes. Not Rhodes Scholars. Hey, I didn't want to say it. But you know, on all these shows, there's always like, they just pick like one thing about you

and then you're that guy. So it's like, just imagine in the pre-interview being like, yeah, I had a coffee enema. And then that would be your whole narrative of the show. Yeah. Ah, this chick, she's probably busy getting coffee shot up her ass. She's turned up in a brown wedding dress.

That's weird. What are you trying to hide, love? Why has she got cream dripping out of her arsehole? What season? I can't remember. Like recently? Very hot. After she went out with you.

After she went out with me, yes. She came down to Melbourne. We both came down to Melbourne. I went to... She always got them for some reason. She said, I feel real good after them come get one and she was a hot

she was a babe so I'm like yeah I'm a fucking idiot so I was just like yeah I'll get one oh right so that's why you said you were like I'd never drank coffee before

but then once she had some coming out of your ass you're like I'll try I'll try it now yeah exactly but you know she was I don't know

like I don't know if you've ever dated a chick that's like real out of your leg and you're like yeah yeah you're the best I'll do it whatever no we all we all go out I don't know if you've ever dated a chick that's like real out of your leg and you're like, yeah, yeah, you're the best. I'll do it.

Whatever. No, we all go out with pig dogs. Sorry, mate. You're on your own over there. That's true. Anyway, she goes, let's go get one. I was like, all right. And they go, do you want the coffee one?

I was like, what's that doing? It makes you feel awesome. I was like, yeah, fucking all right, let's do it. So there's this plastic. It's mental, man. It's like this spaceship that you actually have to guide yourself down onto this little plastic tube. They lube it up. This better have coffee in it.

They lube it up. That's the fucking bare minimum they do. They said, do you want the dick straw or do you want the... Leave the lube off, thanks. You're going to need a bigger boat. Yeah, yeah. You're just in pain

for an hour. Why did you put a condom on it? Force of habit. Sorry, sorry. Sir, please stop sucking on the tube. We have to keep laughing. Just, if you want the coffee,

just drink it out of a cup. Why are you sucking it out of the tube? Two sugars, thanks. I didn't really sleep last night. Yeah, you actually got to... When 90 first saw that metal straw on a barista coffee machine, he's like, I know what that's for.

Are these beans ethically sourced before they go up my ass? Guatemala. Yeah. Bit sus. Yeah, they don't pre-mix it either. It's like one of those Nescafe machines. They've got to shoot the milk up there and all that. And a guy comes out with a little twirled up moustache and a bow tie and he...

See, that's what I do. I normally shelve the coffee pod And then just piss out a long black I am the machine Watch this everyone I was making that noise actually Too far too far The percolator Oh fuck

Yeah so you sit down You lower yourself down on this thing and then they give you then you have to cover up everything but you can see there's this clear tube. You have to cover up, you've got a raging heart on. There's a clear tube where you can, because they want to show you that stuff's coming out.

I bet it is. Having a modesty blanket for a man getting coffee shot up his arsehole is such a, oh no, I'm a gentleman. You can't see my willy and balls. I don't want to embarrass anyone. I'm a nice boy. God forbid you think less of me. Hit the button.

Down in front, I can't see the tube of stuff coming out of my anus. It's fucking so bad. I read up afterwards. I'm like, it's so fucking bad for you. Afterwards is a good time to read up. Yeah. Oh, dude. I was just like, she was into, you've seen the peace sign on my fucking thumb.

Like, I was full hippie. She was like, hippie. I'm like, yeah, babe, whatever you want to do. Like, that sort of thing. And then, yeah, it just feels like you've got to shit the whole, because they just pump water up there. Yeah. So your whole intestines, it just feels like you've got to take a shit, but they say, hold

onto it as long as you can. And so i'm like i was watching um they put a movie on netflix or whatever it was bad neighbors is this like june 2 no no this is one of these fairies in asia they just put on mr bean oh yeah yeah you don't want to have to listen to any dialogue because there's so much noise with it coming out of your ass. It needs to be universal. Yeah. A lot of Buster Keaton. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot of Just for Laughs pranks and stuff like that. A lot of Jackass. They're doing the same thing up on the screen. Yeah. Yeah, and I just shit. You just shit yourself. You just hear yourself shitting. I had a green smoothie

that that morning that morning you love diarrhea dude boom had a green smoothie and you could just see it by the sound of it

you made your own green smoothie yeah you could just see it like you could see shit coming out first like brown poo but then you could just see the green smoothie

not even processed just go straight past I do kind of like I mean that's that's an art attack if ever. Getting some stuff in the mix to just give yourself something.

No, I don't need the movie. There's going to be a real Beatles Cirque du Soleil style display happening here in the tube. Bit of a Jackson Pollock doco coming right up. Where's this fuchsia coming from? I don't remember consuming anything like that. Can you believe it didn't work out? Oh, the relationship.

Oh, the relationship. Yeah, the relationship, right. Yeah. Once she saw your shit, she wouldn't commit. Were you in that? Were you like holding hands, doing it together? I'm sorry, babe.

I want to do a solid one one day. Oh, get out of my life. We're different rooms, thank fuck. There's no way you'd do that next to your partner. It's just because it just sprays out. It's fucked.

Yeah, I'm keen. Oh, so she wasn't even watching you just sprays out. It's fucked. Yeah, I'm keen. Oh, so she wasn't even watching you and you still did it. Once the door closed and by myself, I go, no, I think better of this.

Yeah. There's no way. You're slipping 50 to the guy and I'll pay you this to just tell her that. It was 150 bucks. I had no money back then. Oh my God.

Right. Yeah. That is a lot. I mean, that is, the thing with the bum gun is that like so much of the world has to change. Like,

being in Japan and walking through like the equivalent of JB Hi-Fi, and then it's like, of course, here's the toilet section. Because it's like an electronic piece of equipment for the house. So it's like if we got onto that here, all of a sudden, David Jones, one quarter of the electronics bit has to be the dunnies. Yeah, our toilet thing at Bunnings is pretty boring. The toilet section at a Bunnings is just... Didn't they sell a heap during COVID?

I thought they sold a heap of bidets during COVID. Because you can get the electronic ones that sort of just sit over the top. Sheenie's got one in Perth. I stayed at his house. Okay. I would love to get one. And the two things I would take out of Thailand, I think, would be that and then driving around

a tuk-tuk. Having your own tuk-tuk. I would love that. We were talking about importing one. That was a lockdown thing. I was looking up going, what if I bought a tuk-tuk? I reckon you could get one pretty easily. The ones I found were no good. They were like

wish.com tuk-tuks. Tuk- Tuks are something that are built here. Could you get it registered and use it on the road? Yeah, I think you could get one. I think you'd be able to spend a bit

and get a proper one shipped over. Would you be able to use it on the road? Yeah, acting as if the Tuk Tuks in Thailand are fucking Rolls Royce or something.

It's like a motorbike with a cart on the back. Yes. It's not... Yeah, that is great. It's just one that someone's built themselves. What do you think the real ones are? Sent's not... I know. Yeah, that is great. It's just one that someone's built themselves. What do you think the real ones are?

Sent down from an alien pod? Yeah, it's just you're so maggot every time you get in one, you think it's grouse. You saw it with sober eyes. You'd be like, why did I get in there? And also, I'm in the back of a car.

How good is this? Once I'm started driving, I'm like, what am I, a fucking Uber driver now? What the fuck? Yeah. What am I doing this for? And it's very much designed

for the Thailand climate. It's like always warm. Here you're just like fucking torrential rain. Oh, no, you're dead right. Everything you're saying is dead right because you know what? We did a pod a while back where Thorno came to my place

and then I had to take off straight afterwards and I overtook him. He was on like one of these other great ideas. He's like on his postie bike. Oh, that sounds really fun. Oh, that Vespa thing, yeah. A little postie bike, that's fun. And then Vespa thing A little postie bike That's fun And then I overtook him

I'm like Cunt you're gonna fucking die on that That's a fucking piece of shit You're an idiot That's a death wish I think Vespa's gonna be My like midlife crisis move Someone was like

Pitching me on the Vespa The other day And I was like I was in Hook, line and sinker I was like this sounds fucking good He's like This British guy

He's like you just park him anywhere mate I'm like that does sound pretty good Yeah I got a big fuck off electric electric bike, which is sick. Yeah. It's a bit like that. It does like 40k an hour. Yeah.

Mad. I mean, you're giving Cody shit for going to Taylor Swift. I think Vespa's more gay than Taylor Swift. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. But that's why I'm saying it's like midlife crisis, mate. It is. I mean, yeah, it is right.

I mean, I feel bad, Cody, for giving you shit for being on the socials, embarrassing yourself with a Taylor Swift, when we've got the new king right over here embarrassing himself every day in Tokyo. Yeah. What do you mean? A bloke giving me shit about going to Thailand and not doing anything cultural and spending all his time on the teacup ride at Hello Kitty World. Yeah.

I had a great time. Just a tour de force. I didn't think that when I saw the photo. Did your partner go with you? No. I was just a mate. Really? Are de force. I didn't think that when I saw the photo. Did your partner go with you? No. I was just a mate. Are you morphing into car? Someone on this podcast going to Asia without his partner.

The first time for everything. That's not me. Are you two battling out for the most sus cunt in the audience? We need to cover the different quadrants. That's right. Because I feel like the middle-aged white man going to Thailand is the 50-year-old thing, so that's the Gen X or whatever it is. But the sus, creepy 30-year-old guy going to Japan, that's the new creep.

That's the new dodgy. That's the white-collar creep. Yeah, yeah. It is totally... Instead of the bar girls, it's like him going over there trying to upskirt some teenager dressed as fucking Minnie Mouse or whatever. Yeah, it is totally like going over there and just being like, oh, man, everything's so much better here. It's like such a fun place to be.

It's so good. And they're just like having this great time. And then you do the classic white person abroad move of like, oh, I could live here. I'd love to move here. It'd be so good. But then like any other just like white man in his 30s, you see in your head, you're like, look at this fucking loser. Oh, you like Japan, do you, mate?

Let me fucking guess, you're in line for some ramen. Anytime you see like a mirror image of you, you're like, what a fucking dork. Get the fuck out of here, you loser. Stop bringing it down for the real one. See, that was the best bit about Taylor Swift. There was no mirror image of me. I could have bashed everyone there.

Yeah, true. That's what I do in Thailand. I'm looking at the other people going, nah, I'm at least five years younger than you. I'm not like you. I'll never be you. You forget how time works. I figured that I was saying that five years ago.

Yeah, I did have, I was like, I was, yeah, went out to a bar with a friend and we were, this is the thing I noticed, I hadn't been there for like six years and you would have... To Japan. Yeah. I don't know if you know what happened in the last couple of years. Yeah, I know.

I know there was a bit going on in the middle there. Yeah. For some reason, I just pictured you were like once a year Japan man. I'd't know if you know what happened in the last couple of years. Yeah, I know. I know there was a bit going on in the middle there. But for some reason, I just pictured you were like once a year Japan man. I'd love to be, but... Yeah, well... It opened up later than everywhere else, didn't it? It was like the last place to open up. Maybe. Yeah, I don't really know.

But like the thing I noticed the last time I was there was like you go to these bars that are all really small and you end up like the bartender wants to chat to you and so the only way you can communicate is by using google translate and the last time i was there doing that it was like real patchy like you know he's like typing or saying something into the thing and then you're looking at it it's like pretty broken with the translation and you're kind of having to piece together. And then doing that this time, that's the thing that has like picked up in the interim. It's like an AI thing that is like

not really stealing anyone's, because you can't just translate a language like, you know, word for word. You know, you've got to like use different like syntaxes and everything. Getting it back and it being like, oh, this is like spot on. So me and my friend were at this bar.

So did you have like those little, there's like little machines, little machines there's little apps now yeah they were there six years ago but it's just gotten better it's just like crazy you get it back and it's like oh this is an actual structured sentence it's not like me like think good where you're having to like piece it together in your head it's like it's spelling it out perfectly for you so you can actually communicate so much easier so we go into this bar and it's like empty and there's four guys working there and they're just like they're asking us like what japanese stuff we like and we're going back and forth and then at one point one of them is like we love dirty jokes we love being really rude and we love dirty

jokes and we're like all right i think we might we might be on here. This might be the ultimate test. And then one of them is saying to us, my nickname is Piglet. And we're like, oh, why do they call you Piglet? And he's like, because I have very tiny penis. And we're like, all right. And then over the course of the evening, this man shows us easily at least five different videos of him with his dick out like he just keeps like swinging around and showing us his phone and he's like look at me

here and he's like i call this the birthday cake and it's a video of the guy who owns the bar it's his birthday party pretty packed bar everyone's kind of gathered around and you know someone in the video is like oh now it's time for the birthday. And then they wheel this guy out on a trolley, like the fat guy, and he's like nude and he's covered in cream and he's just got his dick out and everyone in the bar is like, yeah. And we're like, fuck, this is great. Like this is so good. Thanks, AI.

I would never have known. And so then I'm like, are we eating dinner at a love hotel? And so in my head, you know, this is my thing of like, I would love to live in Tokyo, but like, you know, what would you do over there? Would like what you do translate at all? And so then I'm like, I'm sort of getting my bit of like, put the toe in the water of like, can we meet in the,

can our comedy sensibilities meet in the middle? And so I'm like, they're like talking about like, you know, like they're just being so crass back to us and stuff. And so I type like, they're like talking about like, you know, like they're just being so crass back to us and stuff. And so I type in, in Australia, the word for fucking is rooting. And they look at it and they're like, Ruto. And then the whole rest of the night, they're just like coming up to us and pretending to like hump us and going, Ruto, Ruto, Ruto.

And we're like, God, these rules. I'm showing them that photo that went around a few years ago of the kangaroo having sex with the pig. And they're just like God, these rules. I'm showing them that photo that went around a few years ago of the kangaroo having sex with the pig, and they're just rejoicing over that. That's great. That's great that that's the first thought of what your culture you're bringing from home is. Boys, guys, I'm like, what is the most weirdly perverted

Japanese sensibility that we have in Australia? And then I'm like, I have to, I couldn't immediately find this. I had to do a bit of a dig through the internet, but I found a full length DVD rip of Puppetry of the Penis. And I'm like, boys, get this up on the screen. Trust me. No piglet here.

And so we're watching that. A really, really tiny sushi roll. We're watching that and they're just... A really, really tiny sushi roll. We're watching that and they're just loving it. They are like, oh, hamburger, hamburger. Like just really getting into it. Like I've turned the Japanese subtitles on it. They are having the fucking time of their lives. I'm getting on Google Translate and typing out,

I auditioned for this and they said I couldn't do it because my penis is too big. I'm showing for this and they said I couldn't do it because my penis is too big. I'm showing them that and they're like, I'm truly just like truly killing through Google Trans. Like just going like, this is the best night of my life. And then I'm like, I'm going to try and tell them an actual joke. I'm going to try and do like a joke to them. And there's a joke that I love that's like got a bit of act out in it.

And so I'm like, maybe I could get this over the line. Hang on, this is your joke? No, no, this is just a joke. Just a street joke.

Yeah. I'm going to try my luck with a Japanese hack. Yeah. Um, the joke is just to tell it's crap. It's crass, right? Which is,

which is why I thought these guys would like it. By the way, I love you saying at this point of the pod, Hey, heads up something crass coming up. I was in Japan. I was overseas. Hour of half diarrhea.

Change the channel if you're faint of heart. Or young ears. If there's young ears around, turn it off. There's a, so the joke is, there's a guy

goes into his favourite local cafe every day and there's this French waiter and the French waiter is always walking around he's kind of like you know he's doing this he's kind of like

sniffing his fingers and he's always walking around going ah Fifi ah Fifi and one day the guy says to him like oh you that Fifi I always see you doing that

what's that all about and he goes well every morning I wake up before I come in I give my wife Fifi a bit of pleasure downstairs with my finger

and then the rest of the day I just have a little smell to remind myself of Fifi. And the guy's like, oh, okay. That's a horrible Asian accent. Hey, I was just there. That's what they all sound like, okay? And so then the next day, the guy comes back in. And the French waiter's like walking around. And he catches his eye.

And he does the thing with the fingers. He's like, Fifi, F beep, ah, beep, beep. And the guy just looks back at him and goes, Maria. And so the great bit of telling the joke is you get the full act out of like you're sniffing your elbow. Elbow to fingers. Elbow to fingers, yeah. And so I turned to Ben who I'm with.

I don't want to spell it out to listeners, but he fisted Maria. Yes. Well, it's a visual joke on an audio medium. And so I turned to Ben and I'm like, I'm going to have a crack at the Maria joke. And he's like, you're biting off too much here. How the fuck, how are you going to get this over the line? And so I'm sort of like putting a bit of it into, I'm putting like a little chunk into Translate. I'm showing them that.

Then I'm doing the little. You need your mate on the phone doing it. While you act out. Well, I think he was just like, if this bombs, I don't want anything to do with this. And so I'm like, and you know a lot, and then they're looking at the last bit and then the guy does this and they're just sort of looking at the screen like just all flummoxed. And then I'm having to go

Hey boys, over here. And then they all look at me and then I give it the yeah maria and they just like yes thank you ai i mean everyone's like we don't want it to take over for creativity and write scripts and fake images and all this kind of stuff but it's like hey trans using like getting a translator app to work properly that's not there's no one there's that's not a human job. You're not going to have a person in at Google being like, oh, okay, we've just gotten this chunk of text in that says, and then he fingers his wife.

We've got to put that into accurate Japanese and send it back to him. That's no one's real job. And so, yeah, this has really convinced me that I could be a comedy superstar. I just have to steal puppuppetry of the Penis, The Kangaroo Rooting the Pig, and The Maria Joke. You know what this is? This is like that movie Yesterday, when no one knew it. The Beatles songs?

Canon of the Beatles. I wake up, Puppetry of the Penis doesn't exist. You turn up to Tokyo with all of Rodney Root's jokes. Well, I mean, they must have toured there, right? Puppetry of the Penis would have toured in Japan. Because I was like, do you know Puppetry of the Penis? And they were like, never heard of it. But you would think like,

if ever there was going to be a thing from Australia that was like a, you know, like a reverse like Arj Barker or whatever, where it's just like massive in one other part of the world, surely it would be Puppetry of the Penis in Japan. Didn't it win Best Show in Melbourne when it came out, like in 1999 or some shit like that? I mean, it is.

I think Puppetry of the Penis won Best Show. It is the best show. I don't think so. We were looking up the, like... I don't think so. I think it won an award. It won... Okay.

And it's just funny that, like... Please look it up. Please look it up Please look it up It's the dumbest thing I've ever looked at This can't be real I think Because I remember seeing it Because if within two decades

Puppetry of the Penis and Nanette Won the same award That's what we were laughing at That's what we were laughing at Well it was still called the same thing There's no way There's zero chance I can't believe I'm even bothering

To fucking look it up. They took Barry off the name, and it's now just called The Most Outstanding Show. And people are like, well, what could they call it in honour of the first ever winner of it, the penis award? I'm pretty sure it won something. I can see why. Oh, okay.

I get it. Yeah, here we go. I know. I know how you've confused it. In 2014, Denise Scott won. I can see how you've mixed those two up. Pretty good. Denise, do the Eiffel Tower.

Do the oyster. The yo-yo. Do the clam. I want to go. I've never been. I would love to see that show Yes Yeah absolutely

Haven't they See what Puppetry of the Penis Yeah I mean apart from Watching it in this bar in Japan Puppetry of the Penis They

They franchised it out Yes Yeah They're caning it Yeah It's like a McDonald's now Yeah they just found Fucking 12 big dick dudes

And sent them to All corners of the globe. You don't need to see the show. If you've ever played team sports, you don't need to see the show. Did we talk about this on a bonus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It would never make puppetry of the penis, but sorry, quickly, you said team sports.

There was a mate that used to play in my friend's footy team whose nickname was Water Feature, and he gave it to himself. He had a tiny dick, and he'd take his pants off and his dick didn't clear his balls, a fat dude, and he'd piss and it would run down his balls.

No. They called it Water Feature. You know those like marble balls? That is stretching the definition of party trick. If your mate said, hey, watch this, you'd watch. You'd definitely look.

You have to say. To see a man slowly and sadly piss himself, I don't know if I would watch that. If you're a party in the suburbs and anyone says, watch this, get the fuck out of the room. Nah, man, you've got to watch. At best, you're going to see some full frontal nudity. At worst, a crime is going to happen. At best, hamburger. Or wristwatch.

Hamburger! I think we said this on a bonus episode going to happen. At best, hamburger. Or wristwatch. Hamburger! I think we said this on a bonus episode, but we knew a guy, an open mic comic, that got a gig on as one of the franchisees of Puppetry of the Penis. And then I believe he got fired because he was wedging his own material in the show. And he was bombing with that.

It was like, no, no, stick to twisting your dick into a fucking Dairy Queen. I call this one the black box and speaking of, how come they don't make the whole planet? Just putting his own

bad open mic stuff in that's like, you're not funny enough to get your dick out anymore unfortunately. Get out of here. I call this one the duck sandwich.

Yes. That would be good. That actually works. That would be good. Ruto. And this episode Of the Little Dumb Dumb Club Is brought to you by

The Little Dumb Dumb Club Performing live In a city near you That's right As we said At the top of the show Melbourne it's about to happen If you're listening to this

Hot off the podcast Ting Presses March 30 April 6 April 13 April 20 Hey look Probably worthwhile

We said this a while back. March 30, we'll be doing auditions for Worst of Melbourne Comedy. Yep. So if you're coming already, you have a ticket and you're interested

in auditioning for Worst of Melbourne Comedy or if you weren't planning on coming and you just want to nip in and do an audition and then get frog-marched out of the fucking venue,

hit us up about that as well. Do you have to buy a ticket? Are we going to make this like a New York open mic where it's like you have to buy two drinks in order to get on? I don't know. Maybe. That's not a bad idea. In the spirit of Worst of Melbourne Comedy, I haven't thought that much about it.

You have to buy everyone on the panel two drinks in order to- Wow. Hey, we got some good guests for that episode. That's a 10 drink minimum. Yeah. Your shit comedy is going to be critiqued by the best of the best. That's it. That's a 10 drink minimum. Yeah. Your shit comedy is going to be, you know, critiqued by the best of the best.

That's it. That's it. So this is going to be fun. So let us know if you know anyone that might want to audition. We really should open the floodgates

for those auditioning. We should work out what we're looking for too. Are we looking for truly, is it like the worst person that we see goes through to the... It's almost like the worst person that we see goes through to the it all it's almost like the people that we have on that panel are too good to be judges of

bad comedy look maybe we need to fuck the three of them off just for that segment and we bring on three absolute shit cunts to be the judges fuck how many things are gonna happen how many plates can two people spin so look on top of everything, if you want to see this judging live, that's the first episode. That's March the 30th on the Saturday afternoon. Excellent guests locked in. Also, it's my little birthday on that day. So that'll add to the dumb country, I would imagine.

I feel like given that the, you know, obviously the like dates and days of the week shift around every year, but it seems like more often than not, we're doing a live podcast on your birthday for some reason. I don't know what it is. I think maybe a leap year this year has something to do with it. And then there was a point where we shifted from doing them on Sunday to Saturday. So maybe that's also had something to do with it. But it feels like...

Maybe we did a Friday night one once as well. I don't know. I mean, we did one deliberately on your birthday for your 40th. But yeah, more often than not, it is the actual day. Yes. And what better present could there be? Yes. Oh, bad comedy.

Bad comedy. And me getting to judge it. Yeah. So that's going to be heaps of fun. Plus, hey, new show announcement. Brisbane! You thought we'd forgotten you. And we nearly had

But Saturday May the 18th We are coming along To your little town What is it 3.30 in the afternoon We are coming to

Venue is called Brightside Yep Yes We went there On the eve of COVID kicking in And about 40 of you

Didn't show up After we sold out because you all shit your little panties. Oh, that's that place. Yeah. I thought that had closed down. Yeah, I think they said that and then they just went, oh, that's right. Reopened.

Yeah, there's no more COVID, so we'll reopen. Yeah, okay. So that's where we are. Yeah, so hey, get your tickets. We've only given you two months notice, really. So that's going to be a hot one, I think. I think it's going to be. Comedy round. Yeah. Yeah, So that's going to be a hot one, I think. Comedy round.

Yeah. As you're about to find out, I think. So awesome. So Brisbane, on sale now. It's going to be limited. It's not the biggest venue of all time, so that will pack out. It is the biggest venue of all time. Okay.

And four live shows in Melbourne. And, of course, there is two rooms left at the Stay Resort as part of the Coastal Moor International Podcast Festival. Get onto that. Get onto that. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for all of that. And now, on with the show. Hey, should we talk about this? So, a couple of weeks ago, we talked about this in terms of the Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival. Oh, he's fired up?

Yes, we're back. Finally, something I know about. Now, I talked about... You didn't have to say the right part of Asia. Yeah, we were talking about Little Dicks before, man. What were you talking about? You could have chimed in there. Yeah, sorry, sorry.

I don't know about all of it. I only know about one of them so uh customer intentional podcast festival i said uh uh we we want to do a sponsor a sponsor for the festival um a thousand dollar sponsor and like small business um something to say at the start of the festival when we talk about every week something to have on the banner when we get there uh i was really in love with having like a like a nicks fish and chips or something like that something something small like that we can we can give back to a bunch of people have hit us up a lot of people um just will sort of like oh yeah we can just do it individually i

don't have a business i can do this or whatever no no no we're not busting for money like we want something fun to talk about, to associate with it. Including one guy came up to me on the weekend and was like, man, I've got all these fucking companies. I can sponsor you. What do you mean all these sort of companies? He's like, yeah, fucking heaps of companies. I'm like, man, I want to hear about this.

Get on the socials and tell them. He goes, I don't fucking have socials. I've just got companies. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's a bit Cayman Islands going on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So whoever, if you're listening, hit us up. I want to know more about it.

He kept talking. He had all these companies. I want to know about them. That's a pivot. That's a new discussion. Guys, if you've got some companies that we could launder money through, it has to be funny, though. It has to be a funny company to say we're laundering our money through.

Yes. He's like, you've got so many companies. You've got to you gotta have one funny one yeah so let us know the funny because he sounds like a guy huffing paint on a tram i've got heaps of companies and fucking shadow boxing real tram where are they all up here mate they're everywhere watching all right so've got three I've got three And I was thinking maybe You can be like The board of directors today guys

To choose These are people Who want to stump their money up And sponsor the Koh Samui International You're asking the wrong bloke I'm on commercial radio You take all three

And mention them At different times During the event Yeah It's one of the maxi pads Because Cody will be into that Oh Yes

Hey Ruto I'll have you know It's one of the maxi pads because Cody will be into that more. Ruto. I'll have you know I put a tampon in me cock hole and enjoyed the whole night. Doused it in coffee and shoved up my ass. Fuck, that sounds sick. So I won't say the specific names of each thing because that's meaning they're all sponsoring us. They're all getting like a mini, just for being top of the podium, they're all getting like a mini plug here.

So, here's the three nominations. These are the three things that I think are most aligned with what we're trying to do, right? Genuine nominations. First of all, there is a bar just down the road here from your house tommy a bar wants to sponsor the coast of million international podcast festival it's a bar that has a comedy space in it as well and the owner of and the owner of the bar the tankerville no unfortunately and the owner of the bar. The Tankerville? No, unfortunately. And the owner of the bar is coming on the Costa Milla International Podcast Festival.

Okay. So he's going to be on the scene. He's doing everything he can to sponsor the podcast. He's even stumped up a ticket to come over there. I like the idea that a bar is associated with us. Yep. We can go down to a bar, go down and have a drink at our sponsor. Yep. That's pretty cool.

And it's literally, like it could be our knockoff drinks, Tommy, because it's walking distance from your house. Well, I don't like the sponsor because it's kind of doxing me. But if we start plugging this name of this bar, we're also revealing where my house is. It's not a country town, fuckhead.

You're in a... Yes, exactly. In a city suburb. Exactly. I didn't say it's next door. I said it's near. Okay. There's only a couple of exactly in a city suburb exactly I didn't say it's next door I said it's near okay there's only a couple of bars in Melbourne

yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah there's only this place and Young and Jackson but even worse than that Tommy the fact Carl would

take money off a bar with a comedy room to promote it oh yeah while you try to promote your own comedy rooms is the worst

business acumen I've ever witnessed Oh yeah so it has a gig No I don't know In it No I think it's just done it before Oh okay But you know it's a thing that we could give back

Oh well that's alright I love the idea You know I don't want to It's not just robbing someone blind It's like right We're going to give them business We'll go down there for a beer We could do a live pod from this place

Yep You know all that sort of stuff It would be win win win Yep For everyone Okay So I like that idea business-wise. A clubhouse, I do like the idea of that you can go to a pub and meet up and record some stuff.

Yeah, exactly. You know? So I like that. And also, this bloke is going to be over there, and he's going to be able to hear all the mentions on the show while we're there. Number two, much more entertaining. Yep. While we're there. Number two. Much more entertaining. Yeah. A young lady that listens to this show wants her OnlyFans to sponsor the Costa Marie International Podcast. And I don't even need to hear number one.

This is the one. Plugging an OnlyFans. Because this also does align with the values of you with putting on the Costa Marie International Podcast Festival. Oh, it's work. I have to go over there. Just like perusing this woman's OnlyFans. Oh, she's a sponsor. I'm just testing the product before we advertise it.

I'm doing due diligence. Oh, sorry for vetting advertisers while wanking. I want the consumer to know that they can come to it before I start promoting it on the show. I don't want to send out a bad product that no one's going to be able to pull their dick to. Unless I've personally signed off on it. I liked the product so much I bought the company.

Yeah, exactly. She must be making bank. How much has she got to put up for? One grand. One grand. And look, it's a good idea. I mean, to put an OnlyFans model to this listenership. And then she can also write off her trip to Thailand.

Smart. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I mean, one could argue that this one we would almost want more for because a bar is local, so it's only really benefiting from people in Melbourne listening. But at OnlyFans, it's a website. Good spin.

Good spin. It's actually global. It's a website, so it's like everyone can get on it. And like, yeah, podcast listenership. Fucking 98% of the people that listen to this are going to take this up. Also, this girl's fingering herself for our pleasure, and he's like, we're actually going to need to double your fee. Her return on investment in this, I reckon,

is without even having heard the other one, her return on investment is going to be like, stands to be the highest of any of these. I like both of them because it's like, okay, number one, it's drinks, a lot of people come to Melbourne, and as part of their little trip to Melbourne, they'll come and see Basement Comedy Club and stuff like that. They're going to want to come and see

the official dum-dum pub down the road yeah and and you know there's a lot of I think they're gonna get extra business that way locals and whatever yeah and exactly like you said a lot of a lot of people going well if I have to I'm supporting the boys yep yep getting on the only guys could do a real nice crossover app with her as well I think yeah maybe with the only fans more of a live show appearance than a

studio app and the third one the best of both worlds men's gallery I said

don't mention the name of the business the California club alright the third so

we're up we're on okay the only fans is the leader for me I'll say bar I fucking love beers All right, so we're on. Okay, the only fans is the leader for me. The leader for you.

I'll say bar. What do you guys think? Bar, I fucking love beers. I got this private message. Dear Mr Chandler. And I haven't seen it. Dear Mr Chandler, I represent an advocacy group that would very much like to...

Yuck, boring. Sorry. It gets better. I would very much like to sponsor Yuck, boring. Sorry. It gets better. I don't say it. We'd very much like to sponsor Southeast Asia's premier podcasting festival. We have a value set that we feel closely aligns with your podcast.

We have a mission to simplify Australia's approach to contraception. We feel this is a message that would resonate with a group of young, beautiful, and potentially inebriated podcast listeners on a beautiful island paradise. Are condoms not comfortable or always available? Are you worried about nasty chemicals in the contraceptive pill?

We are on a mission to get Australians to consider a more accessible and organic approach to contraception. Anal sex is a modern and simple solution. We can commit $1,000 Australian on the proviso that our logo is worn by Brett Blake for the entire festival and that he act in the capacity as our official spokesperson. We feel he has an image consistent with our target demographic. Yours sincerely, Mark, Chief of Marketing, Australians for Anal Intercourse.

Is this like a... They've got the logo there of someone getting bummed. Wow. Is this the like... Is this a GR? That's not... Have you checked the PTY? I said, are you serious?

Clearly, this is probably not really that official. So you're going to fucking Google whether or not the puppetry of the penis was right, but you haven't Googled this yet. Took you fucking two seconds to fact check that. This really does read like what I was saying, that Google Translate is so good. Maybe it's not so good. Maybe this is like someone in Swedish going, I want to fuck Brett Blake in the ass.

And the app's gone, oh yeah, English in sentence structure, it'd be way longer. It's a sincere offer. I must clarify, however, that given we're a progressive left-leaning group, we would expect Mr. Blake to advocate for anal intercourse as a recipient, given we believe he has not given birth to any children we don't know of. I said, if you're for real if i said i love it don't make me take this seriously if you're not real and he said i wish i wasn't being serious but sadly i am do not tell my wife what i'm doing with a thousand dollars yeah i don't know about this i don't know if i want to yeah i don't know

you don't know i don't know don't bring your work home with you you know i also love don't know. You don't know? I don't know. Don't bring your work home with you, you know? I also love Don't Tell My Wife. What I'm doing worth $1,000. All right, Han, I'm off to analsex.com.au HQ again today. I think she's pretty open-minded. Dot AU. Dot AU. Just the local number. Look, I do like the idea of Brett having to walk around

with a person getting bummed on his T-shirt the entire time. Especially since he'd just buy a singlet with that on there anyway. Yes. Yeah, you're right. I feel like we do talk about anal sex on the show a lot, so it's tempting to go, well, that's an easy one. But I mean, being under obligation to talk about anal sex every week from now for three months.

Yeah, it's a lot. I don't know. Yeah, it is a bit turning your pleasure into work. Exactly. It makes it work. Yeah. Especially when you two could support a young woman's independent business. Exactly.

And be feminists. Yes. Allies. You're an ally. Yeah. And it could also, that could also cover anal sex as well. You don't know, unless you've been on there. Oh, yeah, allies. You're an ally. Yeah. And that could also cover anal sex as well. You don't know unless you've been on there. Oh, yeah, exactly.

Two birds with one. Yeah. That's a good point. I don't know. We should see how they feel about that. There's definitely one bird. Yeah. Yeah, crossover.

Crossover collab week. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sticking with the pub. Yeah, I'm sticking with it. I think the pub. Oh, your pub too. I think pub think i don't

know this is creepy but have you got a photo of the only thing that is because you said it at the start yeah absolutely i don't i don't have it on diligence i don't no not like a nudie one just like i just want to see the the person didn't i don't this was this was a couple weeks ago so i can't remember what platform it was on not that I care because everyone's beautiful yeah good save

yeah I can't remember it's hard to see her face with all the app icons it's his wallpaper and I won't take this money unless she's hot

good god that pivoted so quickly from like we're supporting a young woman's independent business so like I need to see a photo of her right now.

I just want to say. And then you said, I don't have it on me. Where is it? Hard copy printed out at home? No, but this is a couple of weeks ago. I can't remember where she hit us up, whether it was on. I think it's on. Because I've seen it.

I think it's on our Insta. Let me have a look. And if the episode. It was out of laminated A3. If we suddenly go dead here, then you'll know that we've looked at her and she's busted. A lot of girls hit us up. It's hard to tell which ones are trying to give us money

and which ones are just giving it away for free. By the way, this is easily the worst part of the episode. With all the crook shit we've said, just the two hosts going, yeah, as they try and find an OnlyFans chick. Okay. Just hearing that in headphones is going to be very disheartening.

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty as. Yeah. Don't show me. I said bar. Don't show me as I desperately claw for the phone. I didn't claw for the phone. I said bar don't show me as I desperately claw for the phone I didn't claw for the phone I said bar

I'm sticking with bar it's not like fucking everybody doesn't do this as if you're talking about anybody like whether it's girls talking oh show us a photo

everyone's like show us a photo don't fucking try and high ride me yeah oh look as soon as the anal intercourse

institute tried to send us try to sponsor us I was desperately looking for dicks going up bums just to see if it

was you know on brand for us if it was the right bums or the right dicks well now this might open the floodgates and you'll get a lot

more is this back to 90s story yeah have we been hit up by Fisting Proprietary Limited we've got to

sponsor it oh a bidding war yeah that's what I mean Maria yeah Maria's Maria's barebacking society okay We've got to sponsor it. Oh, a bidding war. Yeah, that's what I mean. Maria? Yeah, Maria's Bear Backing Society. Clevelandsteamer.org have hit us up and said they've got a grant. Well, maybe this is it.

Maybe instead of deciding finally now, maybe this is opening it to the floodgates of the listeners. Who do you think should be the face of this podcast festival? Right, who? You let us know. Get on the socials, put up a poll. Yeah, do one of those Instagram things. If either one of these, hearing about them every week

would cause you to not listen to the podcast anymore is the main thing. Yes. Yeah. And who would support these businesses more, I guess? You know what I mean? I mean, I can see people being like, I already have so many questions to answer from my wife

when she walks in and catches me listening to this without it being like, okay, our sponsor this week, BigMoot.com. Get in there. It's big and it's juicy. You know. Yeah. Would you rather...

I haven't bought in ages. ...sprung for that or another watering hole you have to go to down the road? Mm-hmm. But enough about the OnlyFans. Yibbity-yibbFans enough about 90s arsehole alright well yeah let us know

we'd better leave it there for another week on the little dumb dumb club maybe we'll announce it next week yeah okay sure

put a poll up put a poll up on Instagram on socials oh okay I thought we were still talking about the OnlyFans

yeah sorry or the anal. I mean, yeah. Puppetry, the penis, it all works. They're all good matches, by the way. I think we'd have a lot more fun just, A, taking $2,000 and, B, talking about both of them every week. So much crossover there.

Yeah. Thank you, Nighty and Cody, for joining us. Things to plug. Nighty, you got a show in the middle of the night. Yeah, you set that up straight away, didn't you? Grow up. That was very funny. Things to plug Nighty You got a show In the Melbourne Come on grow up You set that up Straight away didn't you Grow up

That was very funny You got a show Happening at the Melbourne Comedy Festival Yeah it's called Educators Hosting that It'll be good

I got a special Coming out as well Say what it's A fucking about It's about you And your mates That are comedians That are teachers

Oh sorry Yeah Teachers that have Become comedians Yes Yeah so I'm hosting it And there's four Different teachers That have become comedians That Yes. Yeah, so I'm hosting it, and there's four different teachers that have become comedians. That's the show, 5 o'clock at Basement.

Basement Comedy Club. Basement Comedy Club. That's coming up. And Special's coming out soon as well. And another short that I filmed. Oh, and there's a movie coming out as well. You're in a Ryan Gosling film. Go check that out.

Somehow, we don't have time to talk about Ben Knight being in a Ryan Gosling movie. I mean, the enemies were better. Priorities. We'll do it when the movie's about to come out. He drinks coffee with his arsehole. He's got everything backwards. Oh yeah, before I forget Ryan Gosling. I'm sorry everyone.

Cody, you've got Midfly Brawl with Luke Heggy. Yeah, with Luke Heggy And we're on tour Around Australia Where are you going To check out Midfly Brawl Melbourne Sydney Brisbane

Newcastle Canberra Perth Newcastle Oh before we forget Put in the main feed We've got a Brisbane show Coming up

Oh yeah Yeah Whenever that is May Mid May Not like May 12, is it? No. May 19 or something.

May 18. Saturday. Nice. We'll say it at the top and the bottom of the show. Norse? Yeah. Oh, no. May 18 or 19.

It's fucking magic round in Brisbane. Yeah. Are you going to that? Fuck! That's why the hotels are so expensive. I've just realised. Oh, God. Every NRL game is played at Suncorp Stadium. It fucking rules. I think I'm going up for that. Oh, we'll see you there. Every NRL game is played at Suncorp Stadium.

I think I'm going up for that. We should maybe not do that week then. Because our show is the weekend before. Where are you doing it? Where are you doing the podcast? At the Brightside. Brightside. In the Valley, right?

Yes. Okay. I was going to say it would be a fucking nightmare on Catson Street. It's my plug time. I've got a special on YouTube. And Taylor Swift's new album coming out soon. Oh yeah, the Tortured Poets Society. Feel free to go home, re-record this episode

and then send us episode 702 brackets Nick's version alright everyone thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time see you next

and they've done it again they have done it again very quickly very boring but live shows we've got them Melbourne four shows Brisbane we've got them. Melbourne, four shows.

Brisbane, we've got one show on May the 18th. Get your tickets now. Boom. Do it. And also, like we said, hit us up about Worst of Melbourne Comedy auditions for March 30. It's going to be fun. What are we saying that people should do? Are we looking for a routine?

Are we looking for just like a set? Are we looking for just like a set? Are we looking for just like one joke? If you think you have it in you to be bad at comedy, I would like to see all the different shades and colours of what you think is bad at comedy. You're happy for a 10-minuter. No, no, no. I mean, that is classic bad comedy.

It's like the open mic-er that's like seen the light and is just going and going and going. Look, I would say this. I'm not too worried about saying, hey, oh, shit, I hope they don't do 10 minutes. We'll be on the same stage as them. That's true. We will have microphones as well. That's true. We will be pointing at the tech to tell them to cut the mic.

Yeah. But we'll have control of everything. I mean, we've just invented red faces, essentially. We need to get a big gong for you. You know what? It's red faces except we're only using one camera because we've just got everyone on the same stage. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's good. So, yes, please, let's do that. And, of course, the prize being you get to be part of one of the most talked about by us shows in the Melbourne International Podcast Festival. The prize is you get to perform comedy at quarter to 11 on a Wednesday night. Hey, hey, hey.

That's when it finishes. No, that's well after when it finishes. No, you're the headliner. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that'd be good. Yeah. No, 9.30 on Wednesdays. Worst of Melbourne comedy still on sale.

Three shows only. First show nearly sold out, so get onto it. Cool. It'll be fun. What else is there to talk about, Tommy? That was a fun episode. Yep. What else?

How are you adjusting returning to... Returning to Farangland. What's Farangland? Farang. Farang in Thailand means Westerner foreign okay yeah uh it's awful we should um you know what yeah you know um we're recording this at my house there is a japanese cafe that i'm fascinated with just up the road from me and i've never been in there and i feel like i shouldn't go in there unless i'm with you oh yeah yeah just so you can you can point at the eggs and tell me what they are yeah what did you

what did you say there's something weird about what it's called or what they say they do i can't remember or okay maybe i'm thinking of somewhere else wasn't there something else that was like authentic or it was like old school or yeah there was some place here that had some yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it was something like that old school Japanese lunch. And I'm like, I don't know, what does that mean? I wouldn't know if I had a new Japanese lunch or an old one. But it looks all right. But I'm fascinated because it's in a little strip mall and I'm looking at it.

And, you know, they've got the bar and me next door. They've got the fish and chips. And I just have never seen a tradie go in there and go, yeah, just a katsu, fucking thanks, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a big bowl of your best miso, love. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I just don't, I don't see the market there for it.

That's a good point, actually, is that the, yeah, of all of the Asian cultures that have, like, immigrated into Melbourne, and, you know, we are such a melting pot city, I feel like the Japanese have done the least to appeal to the Hy-Vee's crowd. The Vietnamese really went, all right, we can get these guys in here on the lunch break. Fuck. Introduce them to the barmy. I would never have seen that coming. The Japanese aren't going, this ramen is going to really go beautifully on the work site. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No, they're sticking with it but i don't know about the the you know the japanese community in hawthorne i'm not sure if they're really super um supporting their local businesses up here um so yeah we should go up there for lunch one day before uh before it closes i think i mean look oh right right i thought you were saying like, I thought you meant like before they closed down. No, no, that's what I mean. Oh, really?

Oh, you don't think they're, okay, you don't think they've got, you don't think they're long for this world. I just have never seen anyone in there. Right. And they always have so much stock in there. Yeah, okay. And also, I do see the menu and I go,

that looks all right. Have you ever had Japanese curry? Yeah, heaps of times it's really good yeah it's um i was like like katsu curry man yeah yeah yeah i was really fanging for one uh while i was in tokyo and i was like yeah fuck okay today's the day i'm gonna get curry for lunch and i like walked past this um this shopping center that had like a food court you know on the bottom level and i was like great they got a curry place and i go in and i order and they and it's like you know i'm just kind of pointing at the menu i don't really know what it all says i'm like oh most popular recommended

and they bring it out it's just a butter chicken i'm just in a place that's doing indian style curry i'm like love a butter chicken but i mean there's about eight to ten places on my street that you can do this like probably better you do not need. You do not need to get a butter chicken in any other part of the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apart from India, obviously. That's going to be a different thing. But Melbourne might be. Melbourne's the melting pot of it, I reckon.

It'd be interesting to get a butter chicken in India because I don't think it's not regarded as an Indian dish. Yeah, that's true. Actually, that's a good point. It's like sort of just going to get McDonald's over there or whatever. I do like that thing of, you know, it's an easy thing to talk about McDonald's. You go to a different country and you check out the McDonald's. But I always find that funny because, like, you go to Thailand and there's, like, a green curry on the menu at McDonald's.

Yeah. It's like, why the fuck are you going to McDonald's for a green curry? Yeah, McDonald's in Japan, they had a – weirdly, just before I came back, they announced that they're doing that here. They had, when I was there seven years ago or something, you could get a McMuffin, like a chicken McMuffin, like a fried chicken McMuffin. And we're just about to get that here. They also did, yeah, they had a Katsu burger. That is the cool, it's like, well, I got to try the, I got to try the local spin on it in the sense of their variation. And then people come here and they're like, yeah, the McCullers, it's got beetroot on it.

We're not really pulling our weight. Yeah. Yeah, what should we have? The McPalmer. Yeah, you're right. That'd be good. Literally, before you said that, I was about to say, you're selling katsu via McDonald's to the Japanese. It's pretty dumb.

That'd be like us making a Parma burger here. And then I quickly went, that'd be good. That would be good. I would try that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay, maybe it is smart after all. I don't know.

But I hate the idea of tourists in Thailand or whatever and then going, oh, yeah, fucking I don't want the local muck. I'll go to McDonald's to get a green curry burger. What? Yeah, I wonder. It it's fine that is interesting like when they're in head office going like this is this is a new thing we're going to do on the menu who do they think that's appealing to like how much of it are they going we'll catch tourists with this one versus like oh well the people that live here yeah that eat green curry constantly yeah like if mc went, we're doing a Parma,

like anyone traveling probably wouldn't get it. But I would give it a crack. I'd be like, all right, McDonald's are having a go at this. I got to see what this is all about. It must be marketed to just tourism, I reckon, McDonald's over there. Because, you know, notoriously, they cost the same all around the world. It's very rare where you go and do your translation of money and go, oh, this is actually really cheap. It's not going to happen.

Big Mac's a Big Mac everywhere. They cost the same, basically. So then when you go to, say, Thailand where everything's way cheaper, that means that normal Thai people are looking at McDonald's that is sort of seen as dogshit food here. Very much like, oh, fuck, okay, I'll get it. It's quick and it's cheap and it's easy. Oh, yeah, I'll get a fucking flattened cheeseburger for $24, please.

Like, fucking hell, who's paying that? Yeah, I wonder. Like, I wonder. I mean, obviously, every country's relationship to, like, America and American brands is different. And, like, you know, here a lot of McDonald's are just filthy. Like, they're just, you know, they're shit establishments but you go somewhere like japan where everything's clean so it doesn't have that you walk past it and it's not like fucking look at that it's like

all clean it's like running really smoothly you're like this actually if i didn't know anything about this brand yeah and i just walked past it i'd be like oh this is convenient and efficient and like looks clean and good. I guess I just mean that for the local people who are used to their exchange rate and they're earning fucking two cents an hour, and then it's like, there's chicken nuggets for fucking $17. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why the fuck would I pay for that ever? Yeah, it's an upper class.

You know what I would like to see? So obviously there's like in every country, there's the McDonald's head office of that country that is sort of in control of everything. But then surely there's like a global like head of McDonald's above that. And just how tapped in they are to every region and what they're doing. You know, like the hotel that's got like the clocks of all the different time zones. Is there like an ultra McDonald's where they've just got, there's just a boardroom where it would be almost impossible to keep on top of.

They've just got like this big room that is just the big menu sheet of every McDonald's in the world. And they're like, wait, so what are we doing over in France at the moment? What do we got going over in Malaysia? I like it like, you know, like it's Apollo 11 or whatever, where there's like some boss sitting up on a fucking podium or something. And then they got a guy with a headset on in front of a screen of every country? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tokyo, what's going on there? What's so special there? The idea that there's like a big boss of McDonald's who you can just like, you can ask him any, you can just fire a country at him and he just off the top of the dome, he can list you the four things that they're doing

that's unique to that country. Yeah. I'd love to meet that guy. Yeah. I, you know, I've never, I've never eaten McDonald's in Thailand. And I mean, A, I'm making the most of Thai food while I'm there. But also, I hate the idea of, I've looked at the prices.

Because I very quickly get acclimatized to the prices and the exchange rate and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, this means this. This much means this. Blah, blah, blah. And then you look at the menu of McDonald's and go, I'm not fucking paying that much for that. That's such a fucking rip-off. And then a day later, I'm back in Melbourne going,

three Big Mac meals, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's... I do love that couple days in where you're just like, you're not even doing the conversion in your head anymore. With the yen, it's pretty easy because it's like, you just chop off two zeros

and then it basically is like one for one. Oh, really? Like depending on the exchange rate, it's like slightly more in the dollar, but you can just basically go. What did you get a beer over? I mean, look, this is a silly question because it's like you go down Bourke Street, Melbourne

and buy a beer in a pub and it'll be this much compared to if you go two streets away and you get a beer somewhere else so it's always a bit fraught with danger asking what a beer is worth depends where you go you're going to find expensive and cheap is like singapore but yeah yeah but what's tokyo like tokyo i don't think has that much variation though so like uh if you go to so if you go to Family Mart or Lawson and you get a can of beer, that would be maybe 260 yen, which is like $2.70 roughly. That's pretty good.

And then, yeah, at a pub. Drinking on the street? Are you doing any of that? Drinking on the street. Getting street level. Weirdly, I found this out pretty late into the trip. It's considered uncouth to

like we were like my friends got there and we went to Lawson and got like a can of coffee and a sandwich and I was like we were just kind of standing at the front eating and drinking and I was like, all right, let's go. You know, let's get the train, head over and my friends like I'm just finishing my coffee. I'm like,'m like yeah yeah but you know we'll we'll get

we'll walk and walk and walk and sip and he's like no you're not meant to do that that's considered to be incredibly impolite to like and i was like well that's good to find out because i've been doing nothing but but then i asked someone who's japanese about that and they were like you people would just look at you and go are you a tourist like they wouldn't like a japanese person doing that someone might come and say something to you right but like a tourist they'd be they are very like well what's what's he to know yeah because also you're going into it you're going into a convenience store you're getting a can of coffee it's so mobile it's so convenient it's like i'm doing this because i'm on the move oh you're japan-splaining to the japanese and you think about our culture here is so like yeah i get up i get my cup of coffee and then i'm walking to work

drinking my you know it's like it is so funny to just be like it just be like not have any of that at all but then yeah weirdly it's totally fine to like walk around and drink a beer in the street wow so yeah i don't i don't i don't know then, like, yeah, a beer at a pub, like something that's probably a schooner size would be maybe like $500 to $700. So, like $5, $7. Jesus, that's cheap. It is, yeah. I didn't know it was that cheap.

Yeah. Oh, that's very reasonable. Yeah, it is really – it's easy to have a cheap trip if you want it. Yeah, great. it's easy to have a cheap trip if you want it yeah great yeah I mean that's like one of the last trips to Thailand I think I've said it before but like I'm a big one of just walking around all day with a beer

and then I found out that it's like yeah that's not polite you're allowed to do it you're sort of allowed to do it but you do look like a bit of a cunt for doing it but i think it is a bit like that it's just like because it's me walking around in fucking board shorts and a single well that's like yeah well of course this cunt's gonna do that but that's the western approach to asia isn't it it's like you're not meant to buy valium without a prescription yes but i'm gonna go over there

and do it because they'll let me it's disneyland yeah do whatever you want you know what i did find out that i found interesting? I saw a few Thai restaurants and I met up with someone who lives in Japan, who's Japanese. And they were saying, and I think I've got this correct, that it's really easy to open a Thai restaurant in Japan. There's like a blueprint for them. And if you go, I don't know who you do this to, like the fucking embassy or whatever. Yes. If you go, hey, I'm thinking I'd like to open a Thai restaurant.

They're like, we'll take care of, we'll do it all for you. I've heard of this. Yeah. I've heard of this. But the thing is, now I would love to know the actual answer about this. I've heard this before. I've read about this before. But I read that it was actually applicable to australia as well where the thai government have paid to get their food around the world insane yeah so like basically there's just

some blueprint menu yeah that they'll which is funny to imagine that there's like who's that guy in the founder there's like some type of that ray crogg or ray fucking something yeah yeah there's just like a tie equivalent of that who's like, I'm going to expand the brand. And if that is true that that's happened here and the idea that we, you know, you get on TripAdvisor or Google or wherever and, you know, just even in conversation, like we're arguing about like, which is the best tie place in Melbourne. Yeah. And then it literally just is like a blue, like they literally are all exactly the same. There's like the same guy who's brought the menu in and done it for all of them. It could easily have been that because, you know,

until recently, I mean, you go into places and it's a lot more authentic now, but it used to be just like, yeah, green curry, red curry, yellow curry, and then, you know, pad thai. Fucking, there used to be about seven things on the menu. And also every country has their dish where you're like, oh, you go there and you're like, this is really good. Why doesn't any Vietnamese place in Melbourne do this?

Like why can you only get this here? It's not like there's any like super regional ingredients in it. Like a restaurant could do that here if they wanted to. But, yeah, that is a fight. Because, I mean, yeah, the arguing about which one is better when they're all the same blueprint. I mean, you know, there's McDonald's that people would say are better and worse than each other.

So even though something's essentially a carbon copy, there are ones where you go and you're like, that is hands down the worst McDonald's I've ever had. What the fuck are they doing in there? There's still like a human element that can come in and fuck it up. Absolutely. I had one of the best McDonald's I've had for ages yesterday. And I think it was partly the store and partly the fact that I had not eaten for 24 hours.

So, yeah, but it was a ripper. Yeah, I want to invest. I want to find out more about this Thai government. Yeah. Yeah, like setting up the... That's so funny. They're paying to fucking, you know, set up Thai restaurants. How the fuck can they pay for our podcast festival?

Yeah. That's doing good. Well, we need to pivot it and just say it's a restaurant. Yeah, it's like Fawlty Towers on tour. Yeah. It's a comedy restaurant on tour. Well, that's the pivot from owning a Thai bar. Then it just turns into you running a Thai restaurant down the road from your house.

Live. Sponsored, aided restaurant down the road from your house. Live. Sponsored, aided and abetted by the Thai government. Fly to Koh Samui to see our live restaurant on the beach every night for five nights. Yeah. It's a funny restaurant. Why don't the Australian government, you know, we've got like no, food here is really good. You know, like there is like a very high standard of eating out in this city. But then, you know, the only thing we're known for overseas is, like, Outback Steakhouse.

Yeah. And the Bloomin' Onion and things that actually don't exist here. Well... Why isn't the Australian government, like, going, hey, let's all get together. Let's, like, agree on a unified, good Australian menu. And then we'll pay you money to go to Tokyo and set up this restaurant. I think that's not unique to us. You know, like we just said, you said, there's no butter chicken in India.

It doesn't really exist, that dish. Yeah. And there's a lot of those Thai dishes. Like I said, that blueprint that we've had here for ever and ever. If you went outside of fucking 10 minutes out of Phuket or Samui or anything like that, you're not seeing a lot of those. You're not seeing green curries on the menu.

That's true. Well, I mean, not seeing green curries on the menu. That's true. Well, I mean, butter chicken is, it's, it's an invention of the, um,

the English, the English. Yeah. So that's, I mean, that would be cool if the Australian menu just becomes like every, every nationality that's like moved here that has a big base here. There's just some kind of like fucked up Australian version of an item on their menu. That is like that originated here.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the Vietnamese have their own, a thing that you get here that just like doesn't, that's thought of as Vietnamese food that doesn't exist anywhere else. Yeah. And we get one of them for every culture and then that's the true Australian restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A fucked up food court.

Yeah. Thank you to everyone who supports us on Patreon and supports this show and keeps it alive. We really appreciate it. And, of course, what we like to do is, apart from take your dollars, we like to say thanks by reading your names out at some point within history. And so we're going to do a little bit of that, if you don't mind, starting right now. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number one, Cab, off the rank this week. Thank you, too.

Hmm, interesting. Neo Diamond. Neo Diamond. N-E-O. Wow. Neo. Yeah. Fucking took some dollars out of the Matrix and shoveled them us our way.

Yep. I don't know anything about the Matrix. Well, then you've got Diamond. be this is like a funny fellow sketch what if what if neo from the matrix and neil diamond with the same person neil diamond neo diamond yeah neil diamond yeah fucking hell that's that's that's pretty funny neil diamond in The Matrix. He changed his name to Neo Diamond. Yeah, I guess so. Have you ever seen that film? What's the name in The Matrix? What's he always say? Mr. Whatever?

Mr. Anderson. Mr. Anderson. Yeah. Mr. Caroline. Oh, yeah, okay. Mr. Sweet Caroline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen the film, I think here it was called Evil Woman? It's called Saving Silverman in America.

No. It's Jason Biggs gets together with this girl and his two best friends, Jack Black and Steve Zahn. Is this the one where someone kills himself? No. Oh, okay. Anyway, they're like three of them best buddies one of them gets a girlfriend they don't like her they're trying to like sabotage the relationship and a

whole running thing of the film is that they're all massive Neil Diamond fans and then Adam Sandler movie style Neil Diamond pops up at the end of the film for a cameo in the final bit so he's you know he's open yeah he's he's open to popping up in a stupid film idea. What do you reckon? Who do you reckon was their first choice? Because there's no way they wrote that script and went, you know what would be good? Everyone's a Neil Diamond fan.

That's what I always love about those things. Do you go hard on like, okay, this is the guy that we want and we'll write this for them and hopefully when we pitch it to them, they'll be so flattered by the fact that we've written this for them that they'll say yes. Or do you just kind of leave it blank, finish the script and then put some phone calls in and see who you can actually get before you get too attached? You write the template, you have your first choice.

But I'm just wondering how far down Neil Diamond was and I'm imagining mid-tier. Yeah, but at the same time, the fact that you'd say mid-tier kind of does make him a first. Like, for a comedy thing, he is like the perfect, the whole thing of them being obsessed with him. He's sort of, everyone knows who he is, but he's sort of just obscure enough to be funny. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. If the thing of it is like, oh, we're all obsessed with like, yeah, I don't know, Bob Dylan.

Then it's like, well, that's just like a, you know. Yeah. Well, it's not funny. Also, you're not going to get him. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I guess you've got to pick a slightly obscure sort of, not obscure, but like obscure to that generation sort of thing. Which then makes the pitch hard because it's like, the joke here is, imagine being a big fan of you.

Yeah. Yeah yeah what was the movie called again uh it's called saving silverman but when it came out here they called it evil woman right i'm googling you're looking it up i'm googling i remember being silverman was neil diamond first choice okay um i mean that's the hard thing. If you're involved in that, I feel like you can't ever really put that information out there. Yeah, I reckon you could. You don't want Neil Diamond to see that and be like, what the fuck, man? Yeah, I'm not getting much information about it. No one's giving it out there.

I think no one has cared enough to ask. I mean, that's total director's commentary information. Yeah. If you're ever going to find it out. Yeah. Yeah, damn. I guess we'll never know. Neo Diamond.

Neo. Fucking hell. What a weird name. Yeah. Well, thanks, Neo. Yeah. It's, I mean, what year was The Matrix? 99.

There you go. So have we got a, are you under the age of 23? Neo? Is this where it's come from? Named after the film. Yeah, it's got to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How else could someone be named that?

Well, it could be a name from another culture. Well, it could be. Actually, the people from The Matrix could have named their character after this guy. This guy could be like 50 years old. Oh, yeah, true. They met this guy and went, fucking hell, you know what. Oh, yeah, true. They met this guy and went, True. Fucking hell, you know what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. This guy's cool. Let's put him in The Matrix. Yeah. One of the first, let's say, jokes that I ever did on stage, my first ever set on stage at the Evelyn Hotel in Brunswick Street, one of my jokes, one of the things I said on stage, at the Evelyn Hotel in Brunswick Street.

One of my jokes, one of the things I said on stage was this. I think it was maybe like two, three jokes in. Can we get more of a run-up? Well, I think it deserves it. It's so good. The sun was shining. Yeah, yeah. The waves cresting across the road down the beautiful St Kilda Beach. I remember being backstage and there being a tiny little window and thinking,

is it possible to crawl out of there? Is it possible to escape this? Yeah. Being the most nervous I've ever been in my life. Right. Yeah, yeah. But I remember being like, not being a fan of stand-up and not really having watched it that much. And then just going, I'm just going to do what I think sort of is sort of like stand up.

Yeah. So I think three jokes in the joke was me doing crowd work. Hey guys, anyone, is anyone here seen the matrix? Is anyone here seen the matrix? And someone go, yeah.

And I'll be like, cool. And then just move on to the next joke without any further. What year was this? Is Matrix like in, you know? Not particularly. Right. I think, oh, like 2006?

Right. So Matrix is like firmly established as a modern, I mean, I like, if this is like the week it's come out and you're just like taking the temperature of this new film. Yeah. Yeah, okay. As a modern club. I mean, I like, if this is like the week it's come out. Yeah. And you're just like taking the temperature of this new film. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That was my twist.

It was like, imagine asking someone about something. Yeah. And then having nothing off the back of your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, that's good. And then like, then it being like, you know, it's a warm crowd. So they're like, oh, yeah, it's pretty good.

And then it's like, you come down from the heights of doing like a cool gig for your first ever gig where you're like, oh my God, I think I'm really good at this. And then you just start doing absolute dog shit gigs where you're busting out a bit of fucking gear like that. Has anyone said that? Oh, so this was Rope. This would... Well, I did it after this.

I just did it once and then that was it. That's not how stand-up comedy works, Tommy. Yeah, but I would imagine it didn't get a laugh, which might have inspired you to not do it again. The first time it did because it was just like a warm crowd or whatever. It was complete, like, non-sequitur.

Then, yeah. Then, of course, I go from the heights of, you know, doing a gig at Raw Comedy to, you know, a AAAJ audience or an adjacent audience to that.

Yeah. You know, a bit more, like, fine-tuned to, you know, weird ideas or whatever. And then all of a sudden it's me at the exit going, has anyone seen The Matrix? No.

Cool. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Next joke. Get off. Yeah. Well, Neo Diamond, that all could have been because of you, for all we know.

Yes. The Wachowskis may have met you in 1997 and thought, this gives us an idea. The Matrix could have been inspired by you, and then thus my joke is because of you as well. And someone who went to that first ever gig I ever did, or the second ever gig, I think, when I was still doing it, years later he would see me and still say, so has anyone seen The Matrix?

Yeah, you should bring that back. See how it goes now. It's pretty good. Maybe I'll bring it back at the worst of Mel and Johnny. I feel like now The Matrix has been around for so long and they did a new one of it. Now I think it would really, really hit. Oh, that's a good joke.

Even just asking a crowd, has anyone seen The Matrix? That's pretty funny. Is there a single person in this room who's ever seen one of the biggest films of all time yes alright I'm bringing it back that is in

the top five of every single list of all the movies you need to see before you die has anyone seen it I've never seen it actually oh well there you go

yeah so I hope no one does that give back on me there's the bit yeah because I people are quiet stunned silence

you're like because I literally never have and I think at this point I don't have time can someone explain the plot of it to me so that's what you should say I should say on stage

yeah get someone to explain the plot at the worst of Melbourne comedy yes I think you should do crowd work where you just ask someone to tell you the plot of the Matrix

okay alright alright thanks Neo thanks Neo thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Harrison Where you just ask someone to tell you the plot of The Matrix. Okay. All right. All right. Thanks, Neo. Thanks, Neo. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Harrison Lodwick. Okay. Have you ever heard of jamming together of names like that before? Lodwick.

Lodwick. Jesus. L-O-D-W-I-C-K. Yeah, right. Lodwick. I think if there was like, you know what? There's one of those things where the government said um we've got too many names we actually need to cull some names i reckon

lodwick could be fucking pretty early on yeah first on the chopping block it'd be pretty early i'm sure it's just it's too it's too clunky but maybe they go the other way maybe they're like the smiths all those like bottom rung ones. They're boring. We're getting rid of them. And we're only keeping the most like kind of interesting and kooky ones. In which case, Lodwick is pretty safe. Maybe there's a Lodwick on the board going, no, no, no.

Everyone loves Lodwick. It's pretty cool. You know, it's one of the better names. And then it's Harrison's dad. Yeah. Yeah. We went on the Mario Kart ride at the Nintendo World theme park. And as you're lining up, there's like a picture of Bowser and all his little kids.

And all these kids are named after musicians. So there's like Iggy, Ludwig. Is this canon? This is canon. Oh. Yeah. And we were talking about that and one of my friends was like, oh, yeah, they're all named after musicians.

And he was like, what? I didn't know that. And then we're like, we're in the line for this ride, like Googling it. And I'm like, this is such fake fan behavior. Just like surrounded by people to go on this ride. And we're like, who's that guy in the overalls? What's his name? Mari?

Like the idea of like being enough of a fan to go on the ride. But like just being like, fuck, what's this? What's that little green The idea of being enough of a fan to go on the ride, but just being like, fuck, what's this? What's that little green thing? Yoshi. That's a strange name. Someone walking past Mario World and going, oh, okay, is this an ethnic thing? Super fun park or something?

I'm hungry. I could go all pasta. Just walking in. Okay, all right. They're doing rides, are they? Okay, fair enough. But're doing rides, are they? Yeah. Okay, fair enough. But is that like, you know, Ludwig? It's like, well, you know, we don't want to, you know, don't want to.

It's a little bit too pretentious naming ourselves after the great man. We'll just change it a bit. What is it again? Ludwig. Ludwig. Right. Someone just mishearing it. This is Ludwig in Witness Protection.

Oh, right. But like, you know, the shit, the person who's assigning it is like a bit bad at their job. This is Ludwig van Beethoven in Witness Protection. Yeah. 400 years later. Ludwig von Batavent. This is him running from squealing on some mafia types. Yep.

And still needing to be hidden. Yep. Because he's lived for 400 years. Yep. And still needing to be hidden. Yep. Because he's lived for 400 years. Yep. And it's like, fuck, I've got to keep slightly changing my name. Mm-hmm. It started off, like, pretty close to Ludwig van Beethoven. Just, you know, Lodwick, yeah, boat oven.

Yep. And then it's over 400 years he's had to keep moving, and it's turned from Ludwig van Beethoven into Harrison Lodwick. Yeah. If you're in Witness relocation, and you go go in and they're like, now here's your... And he's gone from Germany to Austria or wherever he's from to Australia as well. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you've got to go far. If you're hiding from... Yeah. Depends who you're fleeing from. But if it's an organization that have tentacles everywhere, you've got to make sure you're hidden. You've got to go remote.

Australia used to be... Before the world got smaller, Australia used to be such a great place to hide absolutely yeah damn um if you're if you're going into witness relocation and you know you sit down with them and they're like here's your identity here's the new name we've given you do you reckon you get do you reckon you get a couple of vetoes like if they go it's a good question if they go oh it's harrison lodwig yeah do you think you get to go like can I just hit the

shuffle button again I'm not I don't know do you get do you get an input do you be like you know what I've always wanted

to be a Paul can I be Paul yeah and they're like the fact that you think you can pass as a Paul is absurd

also you've told all your mates you've always wanted to be called Paul yeah that's not good

that's out the window yeah that's out the window yeah we're happy to meet you in the middle here have you ever mentioned to anyone called Paul yeah that's not good that's out the window yeah that's out the window yeah we're happy to meet you in the middle here have you ever mentioned to anyone

yeah a name that you said that you promise you will never change your name to yeah because we could possibly use that one

yeah do you reckon anyone's ever been in witness relocation and then just put their name on this Patreon read and it's been read out

and then someone from the government has heard it and gone fucking hell we said keep a low profile jesus christ now you've had these two cunts riff on your name for 15 minutes yeah i wonder if this guy's on the run yeah complete we've completely exposed you the fucking mafia you've turned up at your back door they're like well i'm in hiding i need i've got to do. I needed to get the bonus episodes.

Yes. I've had to lose all my friends. Yep. I've got no one but my friends on the podcast. Yep. Now I'm just like the average podcast listener. Yeah. Nothing else going on and no other friends in my life.

Well, thanks, Harrison Lodwick. Thanks, Harrison. I hope you're safe. And I hope whoever you squealed on, they got sent to the slammer. I hope they never find you, you fucking rat bastard. You scab. You fucking big mouth. Thank you to Patreon subscriber.

Well, it comes to this again. Someone doesn't want to supply their name. Well, this is the true witness, really. Yes. You want to help out the boys. You want your want your bonus episode yes you realize you've got to keep a low profile yes so you got to put oh my name is fart at cum.com oh that'd be good um this is just thank you to patreon subscriber i don't want to so yeah okay wow what do you think I don't want to is, who do you think they've snitched on? Yeah. Well, I mean, I can see their email address and they work for a tech company.

Okay. Yeah. That's cool. And they have their name involved there as well. So, I mean, look, I could always give that name because it didn't say, I don't want my name read out. It just says, I don't want to. Well, this might be, of all of the people that have done this, this might be the most

clear, the clearest directive we've ever had. Because often it'll be like, oh, wobbledy, wobbledy boo. You know what I mean? Like, this is the closest we've come to someone being like, I don't want to. No, I think some people have put, don't read my name out or whatever. But this is just, I don't want to. I don't want to. So, I mean, look, in a court of law,

I could read the name out and say, look, they didn't say they didn't want me to read the name out. It just says, I don't want to. I'd love to see this court case. Yeah, I wonder if it's like they're somehow, they've accidentally ended up on the Patreon sign-up page and they just keep clicking and it just keeps sending them further and further into the process.

And they don't want to be signed up. They it just keeps sending them further and further into the process. And they don't want to be signed up. They're just like, no, I don't want to. I don't want to pay $10 a month to this. And just a court case where it's embarrassed, it's like saying, but I mean, you must have had a vague idea they didn't want the name read out. I know you're going to take it to the letter of the law, but they've put their name, I don't want to. Why did you fucking read the rest of the details out?

It's like, because we just had to supply some content i didn't know fucking what else to say i'm imagining you're representing yourself in this case as well absolutely yeah i've already argued too much with the lawyer i'm like no no no yeah you you you you plea bargaining yeah i don't want any punishment out of this court sketch artist is having a great time you're up there you've come you've gone for a run straight into the courthouse. You're in shorts. You're covered in sweat. Head to toe in Liverpool kit.

Cap on in the courtroom. Absolutely. The court sketch artist being like, I've never felt compelled to draw stink lines, but it really does feel like that's, that's kind of, that's the main thing that i need to relay to the people on the outside and it gets to the end it gets towards the end and i'm like all right fucking

whatever man i'm getting to the end of my intermittent fasting that honestly i'm bored i'm hungry mcdonald's next door okay yes i killed him or whatever this is i was when i went over to japan i was like every i, I don't know why I thought I would see a lot of these, but I thought walking around in like big touristy spots, every caricature artist I see, I'm getting one. I always wanted to have a stretch of time where I just thought it would be good to just like make a little thing when I get back of like, here's every sketch that I got done of myself in the street and just kind of compare them.

And then I was just thinking about it last night. I'm like, oh, yeah, I didn't see a single one. So I don't know. That's usually a thing, is it? Well, I don't know. You walk down the street. I feel like most cities you walk down, you see – if you're in a big touristy spot, you see a guy kind of set up.

I mean, I guess it's pretty cold there at the moment, so maybe that's part of it. But I really just did have in my mind that I would see at least three or four. Right. Okay. I thought that must have been – you're saying that's a very Japanese thing to have a lot of that on the street. I mean, I would have thought so, but yeah, maybe not. Maybe I misjudged it.

But I would like to – maybe summer here I'll have a day where I just kind of try and go around and get get as many as i can yeah and and get the mix the realistic guys the guys that have always got they've always got a mr bean yeah mr beans the like but that's the killer thing that's the thing that really annoys me is those caricature artists on the street and they have those pictures up like examples of their work and you go wow you've got a lot of different styles i think none of these are yours you go, wow, you've got a lot of different styles. I think none of these are yours. You've just fucking downloaded, you've Googled cartoon. Yeah. And then printed them out.

None of these are fucking yours. But hey, I don't care. As long as I get five weirdly different fucked up drawings of myself, I'm happy. Yes. Well, thanks, I don't want to. Thanks, I don't want to. You're lucky we didn't want to.

Well, here we go. So thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. You'll enjoy this. Thank you to Eric Sucky. Okay. Well, look. All right. S-U-C-H-Y.

Is it Sucky? Suchy. Or Suchy? Suchy. Suchy. I mean, at a certain point, it doesn't matter how it was or is meant to be pronounced. At a certain point, you're just going, I'm Suchy. Suchy.

I mean, without the Y, it's Such, isn't it? Suchy. S-U-C-H. Suchy. Eric Suchy. But I mean, it's also Sucky. I mean, C-H at the end of, you know, once C once CH isn't at the start of it, towards the end of it, it's, you know, there's a lot of hard K sounding examples. What is there an example of that?

Well, in Germany, I guess there is. Like, if there's like a surname that's like K-R-I-C-H, it's Crick. Yeah, I guess if you're this guy and you're from germany you're like we got to get the fuck out of here yeah we got to go to a country where it's only ever ch it's no we got to get the fuck out of here yeah we're going to change your name from eric erik to the c instead as well we're just doing a complete rebrand yeah so people keep stop asking for them to put their dick in their mouths yeah exactly referencing that yep that sexual man i don't want to yeah uh eric i mean eric on the on the top of sucky is also very it's great it's a really good name

sorry sorry if it's suchachi. Eric Saki. But it is now, it's canon on this show and in real life because, you know, this podcast is real life. Well, there's that high, there's that like, well, like the Sachi and Sachi. Yes. The advertising agency. Sachi and Saki. Yeah, imagine going in for a meeting with them and you're like some brand and you've got the money and you just like, you just decide you're going to highball the the execs view in this like boardroom like first of all i

just want to say it's such an honor to be working with such an esteemed brand as sucky and sucky and you and you've got like they know you've got like charles sucky tens of millions on the table so they're like uh we can't you're like the head of mcdonald's they're like oh we can't correct this guy we need we need this contract this is so big for us just gritted teeth mr sucky may i call you that yeah please mr sucky is my father that's a good now that's a good funny fellow sketch it's pretty it's pretty inside baseball there's a lot of assumed knowledge there. Yeah. Going into an advertising firm and pretending and just making blowjob jokes the whole time. Yeah.

Yeah. Pretending that you don't know. I mean, even just pronouncing their name wrong, even without the implications of what you're saying. Yeah. Even just pronouncing their name wrong would drive them wild. It is funny because there's no way you can look at the way they spell sachi and think it says sucky exactly exactly and you just meanwhile they're there on the other side they're like they're like is this a test is this like the is this like the brown m&ms thing where it's like

they're just waiting to see like what kind of attention to detail we have if we're gonna like pick them up on it they're like there's a fucking T in the name. Yeah. Where are you getting sucky from? Sucky. Sucky and sucky. So which one's sucky and which one's sucky? Yeah, yeah.

The sucky brothers. So did you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does that mean you're both sucky? You are. I mean, we don't need to get into it. Probably a bit inappropriate in this business meeting. Who's the best?

Let me remind you, there is a lot of money on the table. Yes. And you've come in Scrooge McDuck style. You've got the money. You've got the money on you. You've come in with like the big sack with the dollar sign on it. Yeah. Just to really make it clear. Yeah.

And I mean, you know, if you don't like this line of questioning, I can always take my money next door to Fuck Me Up The Ass Incorporated next door. They're a great advertising firm. Yeah. That's great doing the rounds of the advertising firms and crowbarring all of their names in to be about blow jobs yeah that's good whoever whoever's keen on whoever thinks this is funny you've got the you've got the gig yeah whoever looks least put off by me saying this uh Let me look this up. Biggest advertising agencies.

I really feel like, I mean, you're doing, you're doing sucky and sucky, like first, first, first one, because that's, you know, that's easy. That's easy to do.

Yeah. All right. Even we've got that one. Yeah. Yeah. Well, worldwide, what are the,

what are the names of it? What's the one that Mad Men, what was the name of Mad Men? What have we got? Largest advertising agencies. Omnicom. Omnicom. Never heard of them. Leo Burnett.

I've heard of that one. Oh, yeah. Ogilvy. I've heard of them. Yep. Suckilvy. Yep. Leo Bummet.

Yep. Something. Maybe let's just do the next them. Yep. Sucklevy. Yep. Leo Bummet. Yep. Something. Maybe let's just do the next name. Because you know what Burnett looks like when you see it written down in lower cases, the R and the N next to it. It looks like Bummet. So, Mr. Bummet. Yep.

I assume you're Leo. Yeah. And I assume you're Bummet. Yeah. No, they're the same name. They're the same person. No, but again, you just assume that they're the same name the same person no but again you just assume you assume that they're all every company is the coming together of two people right so what do you

think's going to like you're going into an advertising firm uh-huh hiring them yeah making yourself look like the biggest cunt of all time yep and the dumbest fucking idiot yep what sort of campaigns do you think are then being pitched to us after doing all these things? Oh, right. Well. Just the worst? Are they like going, are they then saying,

these guys are fucking idiots? No, that's a good point. So we've established that this is like the biggest contract they've ever landed. Yes. So it's got to be a big company. There's got to be a lot of money on the table. Maybe they meet us and based on this behavior, they're actually wrapped because then they leave and they're like these two are so fucking

stupid that we can pitch them a puppet show that is going to take us three seconds and four dollars to put together and then we just get that is money in the bank for doing absolutely zero work these men have no taste they're probably relieved we've as you said we've come in with the mcdonald's gig we're we're pulling all this fucking idiotic shit talking to them yeah and they're like just seething and gritting their teeth and going okay all right you know what we've got the money now we've got it we put up with it now we know what they think is good yeah exactly all of a sudden they pull back the curtain on the on the opening day of fucking the campaign opening and it's just mcdonald's and it's like the hamburglar sticking a fucking quarter pounder up ronald mcdonald's asshole no it's us and then we're in the ad

they've made an ad where we're getting bummed by Grimace. Yeah, right. And then it says, they're loving it. Yeah. And then they show us this kind of like, they've used AI to kind of like mock it up. And they show us this in our second meeting. And then they spin around and we're both just weeping. We're like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. And it's limited time only.

What's being advertised here? This is just for the Japanese market. And we're already writing out the check and they're like, no, no, no, this is just the mock-up. And they're like, no, no, we're just happy to get that. Hit print. We're just happy to get that on a USB. The USB is only 40 meg. Roll press.

We don't even. Roll press. Mr. Chandler, Mr. Dassler, we have to insist this is a TV ad. There is no 40 meg. Roll press. We don't even... Roll press. Mr. Chandler, Mr. Dassler, we have to insist, this is a TV ad. There is no prints involved. Can we at least give you the 4K version of it

on a hard drive? What? It's a TV show. It's a TV ad, not a print campaign. Stop the presses. Well, we don't even need it on a hard drive.

Just airdrop it to us and then the ad goes out blown out, low res. We'll put it on a hard drive. Just airdrop it to us. And then the ad goes out, blown out, low res. We'll put it on our Facebook page. It's fine. Good stuff. Well, thanks, Mr. Sucky. Thanks, Eric Sucky.

And thank you to your brother, Sucky. All right, let's just do one more. And then let's finish this for another week on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you so much for joining us. I hope you enjoyed what you heard and we hope to see you back here next week. Same time, same place. For all new adventures.

Yep. You know, and as, you know, as 70s sitcom, we've always based ourselves on that. It all resets. We've learnt no lessons. All the crazy stuff that happened this week where all of a sudden Martians came down and we sucked them off.

Well, you need to be able to listen to these in any order. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they repeat things. When we get syndicated on the Apple podcast app. And they put them all out of order and stuff like that. We would be in syndication by now. Wouldn't that be nice? Absolutely.

There should be podcast syndication where you get, if you hit a certain number of eps, you get a little stipend. Imagine us before the news, the nanny, then us, then the news. The nanny podcast. Yeah, yeah. That'd be good. That'd be great. It's like, yep, the first three years,

I think it'd be different. Oh, maybe the same as The Simpsons. Maybe it was like, because I thought the first year was no good, Simpsons. So it's like our first year, whatever. Then we get like funny and then it's like, oh, then it's just like, oh, they're still going. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Fair enough. I mean, I think that literally is the trajectory of the show. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. I don't want to comedy. I don't want to comedy. Yes.

Wow. Well, have I got the show for you? Yeah. Wednesday nights, 9.30 p.m., have I got the show for you? Wednesday nights, 9.30pm. And I've got a podcast for you as well. And I've got two comedians for you. All right. Well, thanks, everyone.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting the show. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Come and see us in Melbourne, Brisbane and Koh Samui. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.