The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 703 - Ben Russell & Tor Snyder

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

This week we're joined by BEN RUSSELL and TOR SNYDER. Tommy's enlisting the services of Tor's side hustle and Karl's discovered his new favourite musical act. PLUS, Tommy almost lost his passport in Japan and we start to get serious about which potential Koh Samui sponsor we're going to work with. Or will it be all three? Or will it be a new fourth contender? Only one thing's for sure: Comedy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Ben Russell and Tor Snyder. We have live shows starting this weekend, if you're listening to this hot off the presses. March 30, April 6, April 13, April 20, 4.30pm at the Basement Comedy Club. That's all in Melbourne. If you're in Melbourne, of course, if you're not in Melbourne and you want to see us somewhere a little bit northerly and a bit warmer, you can go to Brisbane. On the 18th of May, just announced last week, so it's selling quickly already. It's not a huge venue. It will sell out. Get onto it if you want to be even warmer. There's a couple of rooms left in Koh Samui starting the 9th of June. We are absolutely nearly sold out, but we have a pesky couple of rooms

left. We'd love you to take one of them if you can. We'd love to see you at one of these live shows. Yeah, littledumbdumbclub.com is where you can get your tickets and find all that information. We'll talk to you more at the one of these live shows. Yeah. Little dumb, dumb club.com is where you can get your tickets and find all that information. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode and talking dumb, dumb, but until then, enjoy this new episode with Ben Russell and Tor Snyder. Hey mates.

Welcome once again into the little dumb, dumb club. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler and joining us today, two very special ex-Perth guests. Please welcome back onto the show, Ben Russell and Tor Snyder. Perth together again. Immigrants. No, refugees. I think that's the better term for it. Refugees.

I got in trouble. Well, not in trouble. Calling yourself a refugee? No, yeah. I got in trouble for it. I went to this. No. I was in Perth and I was doing a gig and someone was like,

that Ben Russell's here. That guy's talking shit about Perth. Oh, yeah, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of what you've said on this podcast? Because of what I've said on this podcast. Yes. Which I think is funny to feel that way about a city. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because of what you've said on this podcast? Because of what I've said on this podcast. Oh, yes.

Which I think is funny to, like, feel that way about a city. I think it's like, Perth's not going to fuck you, dude. Well, and also... I think the last time I was on this podcast, someone was telling me that they saw a guy wearing a shirt that said, fuck Perth. Oh, yeah, Heggie did, didn't he? Oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah.

Yeah, possibly. It was Heggie did, didn't he? Oh yeah, maybe. Yeah, possibly. It was Heggie. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny to be mad at you for dissing on Perth when it's like,

yeah, I moved away. That's the ultimate diss. I obviously don't love it that much. It's my hometown. Like, I can hang shit, you can hang shit

on your hometown as well. Right, yeah. That's the rule, fuckhead. Yeah, it's like you can, yeah,

you can hang shit on like your family, but then your friend being like, yo, your dad's a cunt. You It's like you can Yeah you can You can hang shit on like your family Yeah But then your friend being like Yo your dad's a cunt You're like whoa Yeah Exactly

Come on dude That's my fucking dad bro It's what sort of city must you live in For you not to be able to laugh At your own city Like everyone's got that thing Where it's like If someone does like

We live in Melbourne Someone goes Oh your fucking Melbourne's full of wankers And whatever You go Yeah we get it Yeah Yeah

We all wear black. Yeah, yeah. Drink coffee, scarves. Yeah, we get it. No one's offended. Sydney people don't like making fun of Sydney, though. Oh, don't they? I don't think so.

They do things a little differently out there. Because Sydney is. No, I agree. Sydney people, a friend of mine moved to Sydney, finding it very hard, and I was talking about this to a friend who's from Sydney, and I was like, because, you know, it's just a bit of a tough city to move to,

and he's like, no, it's not. It's fucking, it's easy, better to move to than it'd be to move to Melbourne. I was like, whoa. Having said that,

if I was thinking of what people insult Sydney with, I get it because Melbourne's like, oh, you're wearing skivvies and you're wearing black and you're drinking coffee and we go, cool. But with Sydney,

it's like, yeah, you're a pack of cunts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, that's not as fun. Yeah, the weather's a bit better. That's not as fun, actually.

Everything's a bit nicer. Yeah. You've got the opera house. You fucking losers. This has, as I've used that example before, it unlocked a core memory in my head of being at high school. And my friend was going off about his dad. He's like, oh, my dad is being such a fucking cunt about this.

And I've leapt in and gone, because I used to go around to his house a lot. I was like, yeah, your dad is being such a fucking cunt about this. And I've leapt in and gone, because I used to go around to his house a lot. I was like, yeah, your dad is a bit of a cunt. And then he didn't talk to me for like eight years. I'm just sitting there and I'm getting swept up. I'm like, well, I'm helping out in the conversation. Yeah, his dad had fucking grounded him for something. I thought, oh, I'll help out in the conversation. And then it was like, yeah, actively just kind of friendship on hold for a long time.

I caught one of them. I think I may have lost a job because of that. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's piling in on someone. I'm like, yeah, they're a real cunt. And they go, ha, ha, ha. And the next day they come back and go, yeah, we didn't like that actually.

Oh, wow. Oh, I thought you meant like your boss's dad. Yeah. You're like, yeah, your dad does sound like a cunt. No, I was up there. He's the head of the network. Yeah, that, actually. Oh, wow. Oh, I thought you meant like your boss's dad. Yeah. You're like, yeah, your dad does sound like a cunt. No, I was up there. He's the head of the network. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Gingell?

Yeah, he's a real cunt. Well, Tor, yeah, you've fled the West. You're here in Melbourne. You're seeking asylum here. Is that right? Yeah, but it's also like it's it's killing me really why why i don't know i can't find a job i live in a share house with four people oh you know when i lived in perth i had lots of jobs and i lived in my own home that i own you know yeah it's flipped yeah it's just like i'm living uh um uh in the upside down here yeah i used to have no

housemates and four jobs now i have four housemates well you're on the clock here you've you've moved to melbourne to uh start an upholstery business yeah well i moved here to study uh furniture design yeah and and i was i had i was doing upholstery in Perth as well, but I was working for somebody and doing my own stuff, and I thought I could do that here, but nobody wants to hire me. Well, yeah, I've got you on the clock. I've got a ratty old armchair in the living room

that I've talked to you about upholstering that now there's another part to the job because Carl Chandler blew the bottom out of it with his big old dump truck did I did I and I heard it

rip under you oh really and you didn't react oh I didn't hear it I was like man how numb is he down there when I looked at it later the

it's like a you know there's like the springs and they're being held up by some fabric underneath and the fabric has ripped. So now the whole... You sit on it.

It's like a toilet. You sit on it. You just go right... I'm going to cut back on the Penang curries. Yeah, I don't know if you picked up on that, but he insinuated that you... Have a spring up your ass. You are numb from either too much diarrhea or too much anal sex.

Now, in my head, I know the answer. I know which one I was insinuating. I don't know if you called that. It was very subtle. Can you get a callus on your ass from too much bum fucking? You tell me. That's great. Going completely numb from having so much anal sex.

Going in for a procedure and they're like, all right, we'll give you some local anesthetic. And you're like, oh, no need. I wasn't wet on Wellington until 4am. I'm not going to be feeling anything down there for weeks. He's like, just let me do it. That's my tragic story. I can't even feel it when I sit down anymore.

Oh my God. Give me one second. Someone's at the door. Someone's at the door. I've never seen someone order more stuff online than tommy daslow it's every time i'm here knock knock knock some cunt delivering some fucking sandwich or some fucking pot plant or some probably like a toy mario brothers yeah happy it's fucking non-stop around here straight post gets a fucking workout in this joint.

I love it. He's addicted to it. He's a little... He's like Samantha from Sex and the City. Fucking a lot of men and shopping. What'd you get? What'd you get, Tommy? What'd you get?

What'd you get? I got a... I guess he's a plumber. We got a thing that needs fixing. Oh, it wasn't a delivery. And he's just turned up and gone, yeah, is it cool if I come in now? I'm like, not really.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. He could have come in and fixed my ass. Yeah. Oh, I got something you can plumb. I'm here for Carl's ass. I got some pipes you can take a look at.

It's plumbing. It's technically plumbing, really. It's all pipes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you fix this, it'll prevent the problem with the pipes. Yeah, it's preventative. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you fix this, it'll prevent the problem with the pipes. Yeah, it's preventative. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Think about it.

But yeah, fuck, there's so much repairing that needs done in this house. This guy's here to fix the cupboards. We got Tor on armchair duty. You said you got some fabric samples in the car for me to look at. Yeah, yeah, yeah, lots of things. Fix that fucking dog. Fix my dog. What's going on?

Yeah, it is it's a madhouse it's a fucking madhouse in here today yeah we're gonna fix your dog yeah I um

you know what I liked on the way here um in the desperate strife of content um I was walking down Smith Street

there was a big I'm not into techno stuff techno music are you into that sort of stuff you know it is fine it's what it is I'm not into techno stuff Techno music Are you into that sort of stuff? You know It is fine It's what it is

I'm not into it In it's moment I guess If you've got the right Chemistry Happening But I'm not

Fucking hell Shut up dog I'm not I'm not into it But I might I might be getting into it I think

Because I saw a poster Yeah That's how you get into it You're going to go to the festival show? That's how you get into music. You're going to go to the festival show? That's how you get into music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see a poster for it. But I mean, you know how you get your own, you know.

No one's a DJ and it's like, no one's really like DJ Carl Chandler. You don't use your full name, do you? I don't think about. I think that's actually a pretty good DJ name. If everyone went by their real name. It's like racehorses. David Guetta? Yeah.

Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. Kelvin Harris? Yep. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Kelvin Harris. Yep. Oh, yeah. Oh, maybe I know nothing about this genre after all. I thought I was just like,

I must have been mishearing because I was only hearing snippets as I was walking through the house just then trying to rescue the dog. Yes. But it genuinely was you saying, I think I'm going to get into techno music. Yes.

I was like, there's no way that's the start to this anecdote. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It can't be. But you're thinking about what would be your DJ name? Well, this is what's getting me into it. Because you have to get into things via something, right? And so it's not that I've heard any music,

but I saw a poster on the way here. I could get into this. There was a big poster for someone down the road. And their name is not DJ. I think they're a DJ, but they don't have DJ at the start of the name. But their name is just Fuckhead, which I really like. I think that's really good.

Wait. And how do you know this was a poster for a DJ? Because it was like a dance club down there. Okay. Down the road. Yeah. It's like, you know, techno party this Friday or whatever. And then just a big Fuckhead. I'm like, yeah, I like road. Yeah. It's like, you know, techno party this Friday or whatever. And then just a big fuckhead.

I'm like, yeah, I like this. Yeah. And then, so I looked it up and it's like, yeah, it's a DJ called fuckhead. Not DJ fuckhead. No, no, no. Just fuckhead. Just fuckhead. Just beautiful.

Just fuckhead. That's annoying because that would be really good for your DJ. I know. Well, that's what I started thinking. That would really work. I was starting to think that. I'm like, well, you you know DJs get to do that and there are stage names

I mean we've got one right here in comedy you could be shithead well that's what I was thinking what is the name that's like the family yeah you know shit is like a less

harsh word than fuck so you're like hey my stand up career is going nowhere but if I rebranded you know if that's what was holding me back the name Carl Chandler

what's the name I could what's the equivalent Of fuckhead And I did think that Maybe shithead But like Because it's got the head I like the head in there

But what's the equivalent What else is there You DJing And berating the crowd In between each song For not dancing enough Oh what let me guess You want fucking

Uptown funk do you You stupid cunts Yeah yeah That would be good That would be good That would actually be good Yeah well what about Stupid cunt?

Dumb Cunt. That's better. Yeah, Dumb Cunt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. DJ Dumb Cunt. Well, I was thinking, no, but this is, I want to try. You don't like the DJ at the start? No, I'm saying if I'm doing comedy with one of these names.

Oh, sure. So if you're coming to see Shithead for an hour at Town Hall, eight o'clock every night of the comedy festival. Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah. DJs are one of the few people that have to put their role on just as a prefix. If I rebranded to Comedian Cuntface. No, I like it just Comedian Carl.

Please welcome to the stage comedian Carl you sound like a comic from the 90s you know that's awesome comedian Carl it's real like

yeah it is real def jam isn't it like welcome comedian Carl you come out and you have a DJ backing you up Bernie Mac style

you've got the big pants that you painted a picture of yourself on so if I called myself comedian Carl because the first thing is everyone would then rain Bernie Mac style. You've got the big pants that you've painted a picture of yourself on. So if I called myself Comedian Kyle, because the first thing is everyone would then range shit and go, oh, you've got to actually put comedian in so anyone knows that you're funny, do you? Yeah.

Fucking hell. But do you reckon DJs cop that as well? The ones that have DJs at the start? Yeah. Was it, oh, what, people aren't going to know that you're playing music and that they're dancing to it? Do you reckon they cop it from like Calvin Harris or whoever it is? Yeah.

Where it's like, if your name's DJ Fuckhead, do they, oh, you had to fucking put your job up the front. Do you reckon that's an industry gripe? Well, then there's a, because then you get into the realm of,

there's a guy called. I mean, doctors do it. Yes. That's a good point. That's true. That's a good point. Oh, we didn't know when you were fucking

chopping my leg off, I didn't know what the fuck you were doing. Okay. But they do go to school, whereas DJs, they don't really. Well, we didn't know when you were fucking chopping my leg off. I didn't know what the fuck you were doing. Okay. But they do go to school, whereas DJs, they don't really. Well, we talked about it a while back on the pod. I had a plastic surgeon and they just called me. Oh, you finally.

Thank you. You're getting some big old titties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yes, yes, yes. All of this. DJ Naturals. But his name was Mr. Mr of this. DJ Naturals. But his name was Mr.

Mr. Beer. Was this in Thailand? No, no, no. Mr. Beer, of all names. Mr. Beer. Mr. Beer was operating on me. Not very, and it wasn't very confident.

I wasn't very confident. Did we talk about this? Isn't it like you go, like beyond doggy, you go back around to Mr. or something? How is your new pussy? I'll build this one. Pristine.

It's not that good a bluer part of Tommy's chair. I'm trying to find this thing. So speaking of doctors I I I went and got some laser done on my nose the other day you guys are really vain

yeah yeah yeah yeah well comedy festivals I mean you must have a lot you have a lot of money and I'm jealous we got those live shows coming up

so this time every year we get a little bit more plastic surgery done yeah you know when the listeners come out to finally see what we look like. I don't want a room full of podcast listeners looking at my loose pussy. Well, I better hold off for a bit then.

I went in to get this stuff. Tommy's got a big dick. That's what it is. Tommy went in to get his dick thinned. Doctor, doctor, my dick is too big. Yeah, I've had this like... That's why I moved to Melbourne. My dick was too big in Paris.

Big fish, small pond. Yeah, I'm ready to be a bit of a bigger dick. And a smaller pussy. That's why I'm moving to Melbourne. I'm moving to Melbourne to get one of their legendary scarves and just wrap it real tight around my dick. Right. Is that all of them?

Probably. Are we flushed out? Probably one, two more i uh yeah i've had this uh i've had this issue with my nose for a bit i have rosacea and it kind of like yeah fucked up like the skin under my nose had to get like laser to get that taken care of and had these like nodules on the side of it and i went in thinking that this was just like a consultation and then we would like book in the procedure but like he's just he's just whipped out the laser straight away he's just gone straight into giving me this procedure.

So he ducks out of the room, and then as he's out, I notice that there's a flyer for a comedy festival show stuck on the wall of this man's office, and the show is My Big Fat Gay Greek Pakistani Wedding. Is your doctor doing a show? Well, he comes back in and he's like, as we're getting ready, he's asking me, like, oh, what do you do? And I'm like, oh, you know, normally I'd be a bit, I'd hold back.

But I'm like, well, he's got this flyer. He's in the world. He understands. This is my easiest way of like. So you point out and go, that's what I do. Yeah. That show. Yeah. That's me. Yeah. i'm gay and pakistani that's my job um i'm like oh i do comedy and he's like right right because the festival's coming up isn't it i'm like it certainly is and i just saw you

so you got that fly there and he's like yeah that's one of the that's one of the doctors in here you know he's got his show on and i'm like'm like, that's a side hustle you don't, you know, you hear of like, oh, I studied law and now I'm getting into comedy. But dermatologist slash stand up. Well, before tour, I'd never heard, I fix your chair. Also, I make you laugh. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

All at the same time. Yeah. But yeah, dermatologist, pretty time demanding stuff. But then, yeah, so then I'm like on, I'm on my, I'm on the couch. the same time yeah yeah but yeah dermatologist pretty pretty time demanding stuff but then uh yeah so then i'm like on i'm on my i'm on the couch i'm on my back and he's got the he's got the laser out and he's like just fucking singeing the side of my nose yeah and um he's like yeah yeah you know when i was at uni you know we'd go to we'd go to see comedy a lot and uh you know i'd go down to the last laugh there on smith street and you always see that one don't

you yeah whenever anyone talks to me about comedy ah the last laugh it's like that just is cementing that you haven't been to a show in 32 years that place has not existed for so long it's funny because it's such the touchstone of that that like everyone of that era remembers and it just seems like everyone over a certain age went there at some point. You come from Brisbane. Is the expo still going on up there? The 84 expo, is that still happening? Yeah.

What happened at the last laugh that people actually were like, that's the last time I'm ever going to go to comedy? Well, it's called the last laugh. That is true. They were there on the last laugh. Oh, I guess that's it. Yeah. Every night was's it. Yeah. Every night was closing night.

Yeah. When you go watch the show, as you leave, they stamp your passport. They're like, banned for life. You've been here once, you can never come again.

That was the major comedy club in Melbourne a long, long time ago. But why was it called The Last Laugh? Why do you call it The Last Laugh? Well, what's that mean? It's like, oh, this person had the last laugh. Yeah, it's a saying.

It's a colloquialism. Okay, yeah. But why? But then you walk out, this person had the last laugh. Yeah, it's a saying. It's a colloquialism. Okay, yeah. But why? But then you walk out of there and go, oh, I went to the last laugh. Even if you're telling someone that's bad advertising, I went to the last laugh. Oh, shame, I couldn't have been there. I guess there's no more laughs. Yeah, that's true.

Because also, it's also like the first comedy club to have set up in this city. Maybe even the country. So it's not like, you know, now you set something up and it's like there's so many other things so you've got to have a name that doesn't already exist. They could have just called it The Comedy Club. Yes. There's none of them out there. The laughs that happen every day.

Yeah. Just call it Comedian Shop. That's hard to put on a sign. But anyway. That's up there with Comedian Carl. Comedian Carl performing tonight at the last that happened every day. Why is the name of the venue significantly longer than the name of the man? A lot of autistic people will come because they're like,

this is very clear. I like this. It's really spelling out. It's like the menu is very clear. I like this. It's really spelling out. It's like the menu is just like a list of ingredients. It's like flour, eggs, water. I don't want any grey areas anywhere near this business. I know 100% of what's going on. But yes, I'm there.

I'm on my back. He's like, yeah, burning me with the laser. And he's like, yeah, I used to go to the last laugh. And, you know, my favourite, my favourite, I just love him and I still love him. And always my favourite back in the day was always Ostentatious. Yeah. And, you know, given, friend of the show,

given that we've, you know, we've talked a bit of shit out of him, about him on the podcast, I then just, like, I get ultra paranoid. And I'm like, fuck, is this Sandy? This man is holding a laser next to my face. I'm like, is this Sandy in a get up? Did you operate on him 30 years ago on his brain? Is that what happened to him? And so then I'm having to be like, yeah, nah, he's great.

I can just, you know, I'm having my fucking skin seared off by this laser that's like, this guy sleeps. I'm going blind. Like that's just going to, yeah. And then, yeah, he's like, so it's pretty fucked up. Like he's giving me an aesthetic, but it's like, it's burning my skin. So the smell is just so fucked. And he's like, oh, you okay? Is it, you know, is it uncomfortable or anything?

And I'm like, oh man, I gotta be honest. This is one of And I'm like, oh, man, I've got to be honest. This is one of the worst things I've ever smelt in my life. And he's like, yeah, well, the smell from this angle isn't very good either. I'm like, is this guy saying I've got bad breath? Man, he's good friends with ostentatious. Yeah, I was like, god damn. I'm just trying to keep the ball in the air and be like, oh, you know, it's not hurting, it is yeah yeah it's all quite unpleasant just seeing the smoke coming up

in front of my eyes and just oh also tell me i don't think you need to engage in small talk while you're getting your skin burnt off i don't think you well he's like i think it's like he's because it's kind of a you know it's pretty full on yeah so he's trying to just distract me he's trying to just ask me stuff because it is it is weird you can see this laser here you can see the smoke rising up you can't feel anything because it's numb that's fucked up because someone's fucked the shit out of your nostrils so you've gone completely numb there yeah um but yeah it was uh and anyway the now the now the painful bit's over and i just have this huge fucking scab on the side of my nose which is really pleasant.

It looks a bit punk. It looks like you've got a little nose ring there. That's what someone said to me the other day. They saw me coming from a distance and they were like, I thought you'd gotten one of those big spacer things between your nostril. Good to know that people can see that from a distance. Yeah, exactly. It's like the Great Wall of China.

Because I can't see it. I forget that it's there. So I'm like, why are people kind of looking at me a bit like... You should paint it a color so it looks like it's on purpose. Or get a prosthetic nose. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay.

What? On top of that. You mean another nose. I'm surprised it's not an option when they have like... Because to let it heal, I guess you just have to let it... Never mind. You just got to let the scab do its thing. Yeah.

And not pick it yeah that's that's gotta be hard especially on your nose you already wanna pick all the scabs exactly

and this is so gross but it's like with any scab you see the yeah don't let anyone know that you pick your nose

really hey don't worry we could've chopped that out we'll we'll take that out We'll Can you edit that out Too sensitive Oh my god

Torpix are no No wonder she got Kicked out of Perth Yeah No wonder she can't Get a job here Yeah yeah What's your biggest weakness

Yeah Really get in there I got no Knocked my nose And got plenty on my finger now That's what That's what We got the piercing Is that why So it kind of feels like You're always kind of Yeah I got no snot in my nose I got plenty on my finger now that's why we got the piercing is that why

so it kind of feels like you're always kind of it's a preventative piercing oh you've got to because you've got the piercing through the septum

yeah the septum is that what that's called yeah you can just use it like a lazy Susan and pull the snot out yeah

it's like a laundry line yeah does that exist yeah It's like a laundry line. Does that exist? Can you do that? Can you actually pull it? Can you do laps with it? I can turn it. Yeah, I can turn it around. It's just like...

That's really cool. I've never taken it out though. Okay. I don't know how and I think I'd be too scared to put it back in myself. So it's just there forever. It's's there forever it's part of me now yeah my you should get that big lump pierced now then well my fiance did suggest she's like you could get like a fake nose like i'm like you mean those like fucking groucho marks i'm just wearing them everywhere i mean i am you know we got got these live shows in a few days. I fucking want it healed up by then.

Or you could just wear a mask. Yeah. Go back to that. Mysterious. Mysterious. Don't worry guys, nothing going on here. I just have COVID. I still really wanted to do the show

and not get any of you sick. Oh, I thought like, you meant like COVID mask. I was thinking like one of those, you know, just white blank mask thought like you meant like COVID mask. I was thinking like one of those, you know, just white blank mask. The man in the iron mask. Like you're some kind of

like masked magician. Yeah. Like Anonymous. Yeah. Yeah, those guys. Oh, yeah. Guy Fawkes mask. Oh, the Guy Fawkes mask.

Yeah. People think you're a hacker. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Or you could get one like from you guys ever see that movie The Three Ninjas? No.

No? No. Never mind. I don't think we got that here. No. It was the best. If you like kids doing karate, you're really going to like this movie.

That was a Perth movie that never got distribution. I think it was American, but anyway. That was on Perth Netflix. Do you think we'll live to see Perth become its own country? They're always threatening. Every few years they come around again. They're like, fuck this, we're seceding. I do love that because you always see those bits on the TV

where someone just decides that their house is seceding for the rest of the world. And so they don't have to pay tax anymore. But Western Australia is the only genuine, large area of land that actually sound like those crazy people. They don't have to pay tax anymore. But West Australia is the only genuine state, large area of land that actually sound like those crazy people. There's always one person in a cowboy hat that thinks that, but you're a whole state that thinks that. But they are geographically distant enough from the rest of the country

that it's like, it makes sense. It's like Texas. Texas, they're the lone star state. They were going to secede and then didn't. It's funny though because there'll be the argument, the discussion will start up again and it's like people in the west are like we're going to we'll secede

from the rest of Australia and the rest of Australia goes go for it yeah but they say fuck yourself out but they say oh yeah but you won't be able

to do without our coal and our oil and stuff like that and good luck getting any bad comedians if you can't have actors to perv no offence guys

good luck having any upholsterers once we secede getting any bad comedians if you can't have access to Perth. No offence, guys. Good luck having any upholsterers once we secede. But that's the thing, the Perth ones all move over here, all the good ones. Oh, yeah. Move over. Thank you so much. Across the borders.

Thanks for saying. Yeah, thank you. That's sweet of you. There is a place in Perth, though, or not in Perth, in WA, that is like its own nation. Oh, yeah. Oh, is it? The Hot River Province. Is that it?

I think it might be. And you go there with your passport and you get a stamp in it and everything? Yeah. Oh, really? That's pretend. And he's like a prince? Yeah. He's not the king.

He's the prince. Oh, you can't even get king in his own country? You can't even get king. Oh, God. This is the place we talked about on the pod a while ago when I first started comedy. I did a publicity stunt with a friend where we said on a forum that we had gone over there and done a gig for the king.

And in the gig I had angered the king and I was being held as a political prisoner. And so we asked people like Hughsey and Dave O'Neill and Will Anderson if they would mind. Can we say that you did the gig and that you've come back and you're like, we got a free Dasolo. He's being held in the Hutt River province. It really was a different era of the internet

where there was no Facebook. All there was was like one message board of people that were into comedy and we tricked them and they got really angry. But very funny because Will Anderson wore a free Dasolo shirt on the glass house and then we brought this up to him and he goes, I have no memory of any of that happening. So, you know, just for our younger listeners,

don't smoke weed, guys, because that's what can happen. Well, I talked about this last week. I just was in Japan for a couple of weeks. Yeah, I got back about a week ago. Good times over there. I, what I didn't say was I got over there, immediately went to a place called Okinawa,

which is a little Island, like down. Is that where the deer are? No, no, the deer are in Nara. I think the American military base is on Okinawa. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So basically like had a night in Tokyo, went straight to Okinawa, hired ainawa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically, like, had a night in Tokyo, went straight to Okinawa, hired a car there, and, you know, it kind of only really registered when I got in the car that I was like, oh, I'm propped because I'd been so, like, you know, like, go, go, go.

It only really registered when I was in the car that, like, oh, I'm in Japan. Like, everything's different. Oh, I'm going to see all these, like, crazy street signs and different businesses and stuff. Literally the first business that I drive past in the car that I see, an English sign that says, Beryl's Dance Studio.

I was like, am I in Perth? As I was going to Okinawa, I was like, oh, it's different climate to the rest of Japan. It's about a three-hour flight away from Tokyo. I was like, I'm going to the perth of oh i'm going to the perth of japan yeah japan perth i'm crossing the country to go to like you know yeah and stuff and there is a bunch of you know bases there's an american base in w.a as well yeah yeah you've not you smashed it open you cracked this wide open. Did you try and go to any comedy clubs in that town

and find out that there's a lot of Japanese stand-ups on stools really telling it how it is there? I did. I did walk past a comedy club in Osaka that I was tempted to try and do a gig at. Do the voice. Go on. Everyone knows you want to.

No, you do it. No. I wonder if I, because we got really into looking up the sister cities of places. Like Osaka is Melbourne's sister city. And I don't think, you should get a benefit. You should get, if you're from the sister city, you should get a little, you know, free beer or something. That's a good point. Because it's like, oh, at some point, the fucking whatever,

the mayor or the premier felt like, oh, we've got a lot in common. That's a good point. But yeah, there's some good ones. Melbourne's got some good sister cities. Oh, have we got more than one? Yeah. I guess you can have more than one sister. That is true.

You can. Have we got any brother sisters? Brother cities? Hey, we've got a big Italian population in Melbourne. We've got a lot of sisters. Yeah. What's the... Only Chinese towns can only have one sister city.

Well, I think they're not allowed anyway. Yeah, I didn't do any. They're not allowed any. It's all brother cities. They've got a one-town system over there. They've got a one town system over there They've got a one town policy One town policy But then they end up adopting the cities

Yeah okay If they end up If they end up with another town They have to get rid of them They have to put them in a sack And put them in the river Yeah What are Melbourne's other sister cities?

I want to know what my hometown sister city is. Oh, yeah. Maribor. Does Maribor have a sister city? I don't fucking think it does. I don't think anyone... It's an only child. No, no, no.

It doesn't have an inbred city. Yeah, it got disowned. But so, yeah, while I was in Osaka, sister city to Melbourne, I came the closest I've ever come to losing my passport. And in fact, I did kind of not have my passport on me for a short period of time. Now, would anyone like to try and guess how I lost my passport? Let's see. You met a king.

Met a king. Met the king of Osaka. Did a gig for him Did you do a Nick Capper And just leave it At the airport Like he did with his ATM card

As soon as he got to Thailand No No Did you leave it on a On a bullet train Nah You left it at the bar Nah

You were playing video games Yes But no that's not how I lost it You gave it to a Mario Not quite And a Luigi Did you give it Did you get robbed Yes, but no, that's not how I lost it. You gave it to a Mario. Not quite. And a Luigi? Did you give it?

Did you get robbed? No. Put it up your ass. Put it up my ass. Where's it gone? Your dog ate the homework. You wrapped it around your dick and used it as a condom when you were fucking a man dressed as Pac-Man. Yes or no?

But then how's that me losing it? That's I've got it. He knows where it is. Oh, sure, sure, sure. You can lose something up your ass. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's actually, you're on the right track.

Wow. You kind of are on the right track. Okay, so you definitely fucked a man dressed as a cartoon character. Now we just need to nail the character. Yeah. There's nothing weird about that, by the way. No. No. Now we just need to nail the character Yeah There's nothing weird about that By the way No If you can't fuck a person

Dressed as a cartoon character Then I mean Why go to Japan? The terrorists have truly won And why wouldn't I bring this up in a public forum? Why wouldn't I bring this great anecdote up? Godzilla Godzilla ate your passport

Godzilla ate my passport. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. That's it. No, I left it. Well, now there's a second round of the guessing game. Oh, okay.

I almost lost it in the Tengu shop. Do you guys know what the Tengu shop is? No. God. It sounds like a place you would definitely go fuck

a dressed up girl. Yeah, a bunch of hentai. That's where they wash all the used schoolgirl underwear before they put in the vending machines.

Why are they washing them to sell them as used underwear? I don't know. They didn't say they were dirty. In dirty water. Think about that,

digicar. Sorry, I haven't been to Japan, I'm not a fucking expert. Sorry. Technically it's still used, it's just clean now. Yeah, that's true.

Thank you. That's true. Clean and used. So it's more like a It's just clean now. Yeah, that's true. Thank you. That's true. Clean and used. So it's more like a savers type thing. Yes. Good Sammies thing. It's an op shop vending machine. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A thrift store vending machine. It's just like they run out of underwear. They go, oh, I've got this little girl underwear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not using it as a fetish. They're using it because they need underwear. Yeah, because they shit themselves a lot. Because they're always working. Somebody, yeah, yeah. They're not using it as a fetish. They're using it because they need underwear. Yeah, because they

shit themselves a lot. Because they're always working. Someone in your age, a girl in your age shit their pants and then went, wow, I'm one of the few non-businessmen

that are buying undies out of this vending machine. This is actually convenient rather than horny. You said that you haven't been to Japan, but it sounds like you have. You've got to figure it out.

It sounds like I should. You've been in your dreams. Yeah. Yeah. Tengu is a brand of sex toy. that you haven't been to Japan, but it sounds like you have. You've got to figure it out. It sounds like I should. You've been in your dreams. Tengu is a brand of sex toy. Okay. We were close. We were so close. Okay, so you're in a sex toy shop and you've lost your passport.

Yeah. So you were the right, the most right person so far. So I'm walking past this shop and I see that they've got, it's huge, it's in Osaka, and they've got like all these t-shirts out the front

and the t-shirts are kind of like, they've got cool designs on them. I'm like looking at them. I'm like, oh, Tengu. And then I'm like, oh, Tengu's the... I'm just in the sex shop for the t-shirts, for the cool t-shirts, guys. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know how this butt plug got there. I'm just going into the sex shop for the articles. I'm just in there for the riz but yeah they've got like this whole merch display out the front and I'm like oh this is kind of funny like the sex toy shop has a whole like merch range so then I go in and I'm sending photos

to my fiance I'm like check this out I'm in the merch section of the sex toy shop. And she's like, oh, that's the brand that my vibrator is, and it's broken. Can you get me a new one while you're there? Because they're so much cheaper there. Yeah, your fiance. I'm looking around as if a woman lives in this house.

And the person at the desk is like, what's your fiance's name? Tommy? Fuck! Fuck! Marie. So yeah, I take the vibrator to the counter and in Japan, if you're a traveller,

you get the tax off when you buy stuff. You have to give your passport over. He takes the passport, when you buy stuff. You have to give your passport over. So they, you know, they, they, he has, he takes the passport, does all this stuff, pay for it, get the bag, walk off. And then I'm like, just kind of, as I'm on my way out, I'm like taking photos of some of the t-shirts that are on the wall to send to someone. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I'm like, oh,

I'm getting told off for, you know, taking photos of the, in the sex toy shop. That's fair enough. I turn around and he's like's like oh you forgot your passport and I just like my whole life flashed before my eyes like just imagining myself like getting to because I was leaving the city the next day like trying going to get on a flight or whatever and being like oh fuck my and then like having to walk back my steps and like imagine having to go to the fucking embassy and be like, so where'd you leave it? Oh, in the dildo shop.

My passport's just in the dildo shop. Getting them to ring, getting into contact and going, I need to get on this flight right now. We need to, you need to get on the blower and ring the place now where I got this huge black dick that's in my ass right now. It's for my fiance. It's for my fiance. Like everything that you guys were just doing in that story, like imagine being in front of someone at the embassy

and them in their head having to be like, Jesus Christ. You've really fucked yourself. I'm like, not yet. How did you remember this butt plug you've got up your ass but not your passport? Yep, yep. But that sort of stuff must happen. How did you remember this butt plug you've got up your ass but not your passport? Yep, yep. Yeah, that, I mean, that sort of stuff must happen.

I would love to know the reasons that the embassy are getting. The big thing is needing your passport in a sex shop is amazing. Yeah. That's funny. Well, I wanted the 10% tax taken off. I know, but just the idea of that is funny. Like going into a passport and actually needing to show that you're an international

tourist before you can stick something up your ass. I won't be paying tax on this. I shouldn't have to because I'm not from here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you can use it

as a tax write-off because you're talking about it on your podcast. Yeah. You can really feel that 10%. Yeah. Yeah, the guy just looking at me and going, you're from overseas, hand over your passport,

you can get the tax off. I'll be like, no thanks, I like to feel that extra 10%. I'll be keeping it on. How can you tell that I'm from overseas? What, you assume that just because I fucking look like this that I don't come from Nippon? And also I don't like your Japanese dildos because they're not as big as our Australian ones, if you know what I mean.

So I like a little bit bigger. Because you were getting a discount, did that make you want to get a better one? Did it make me want to get a better one? Like, oh, 10% off. Maybe I'll get the deluxe edition of it was just the one that i just sent a photo of the shelf to my fiance and was like which which is the one that you want yeah again fiance really treat her come back with a suitcase full of them is that like incoming passenger card where you're like was a guy at the door just buying dildos that you you're just selling them

on marketplace no I flip them I bring them back yeah yeah yeah I mod them Tommy's a door to door dildo salesman except it's his door

the people are coming up to him the episode of the Simpsons where Homer buys Marge like a bowling ball yes yes yes

that's your version yes I got you something sweetie yeah yeah he comes back with 30 going yeah I'm yeah I'm on the I'm on Google Translate Yes. That's your version. Yes. I got you something, sweetie. He comes back with 30 going. Yeah, I'm on Google Translate putting in, do you do monogramming here? He comes back with a suitcase of 30 of them.

Which one do you want? Just that one. Great, I'll get rid of the other 30. Yeah, I just thought I'd get you everyone in the shop just to make sure I definitely got the right one. I'm just going to do some work in the study. Don't. No, I flip them. I bring them home.

I put a V8 motor in them and then I sell them on eBay. Yeah, you flip them and then you put them up your ass. Yeah. To the right way around. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could make you like some cute little bags to go with them.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that'd be fun. A little bag to carry around my dildo in. A little portable dildo. Just a little discreet bag in the shape of a tick. You don't know where you're going to be when you need to stick something up your ass. You're right.

Exactly. Yeah, the mood strikes at any point. All of a sudden you're just putting a stick up there or something. It's like, fuck off. You don't know where the stick's been. Well, you do. A tree. A tree.

The stick doesn't know where you've been. Yeah. The stick's coming off worse. Have you ever come close to losing your passport? Oh, many times. I've lost mine. I had it stolen. Like properly.

Yeah. Go to the embassy. Tommy Dassler, you're forgetting the time me and you went to go to America and we went to the fucking desk to get on a plane and I went, I forgot my passport. Oh, yeah, but leaving it at home is different to like, I'm in another country and I fucking do not know where it is and I'm going to be stranded.

When I moved to the US, I forgot to ask the person I was staying at what their address was. And so I'm at customs trying to be let... I've got an American passport. Can't you just lie? No, they were like, where are you going? And I was, I'm dumb. Oh, right.

Not a good improviser either. I can't improvise. I can't think on my feet. That's why he was moving to America. I'm here. Step right in. It's me, Ben. I'm one. Step right in. It's me, Ben. I'm one of you.

I don't know where I live. He's asking people, could I live with you? But I had to get on the internet somewhere right in the middle of the air and check what the address was. But that's the silly thing, isn't it? When you get there,

they net that on the card. It is silly. You need to write down where you're staying. And I've done that. I've been at the airport. Like the first time I think I ever went anywhere, I was sitting there for an hour in panic going, I don't think this is the exact right address.

What about the postcode? They don't give a shit. And then you take 20 flights and you go, I live at 1 America Street, thanks. And they're like, no one's fucking reading that. They don't even look at the fucking card. No. You're just like

where do you live? In a house. House street on. Up your asshole. That's where I'm living. Come right through. That's what the dildo says. When you're coming into land

and it's like intended address in this country and it's like intended like how many things do you think are possibly going to change

between here and me getting to the hotel? It's like, well, this is where I've booked. But hey, once I get on that train, anything could fucking happen. I might just get swept up in Tokyo fever. But yeah, I mean that like. Tokyo drift. The panic of like, oh, fuck.

You're welcome. I like to just add in, oh, I heard something. I was like fast and furious. Word association. There we go. Yeah, yeah. Anyway heard something. I was like fast and furious. Word association. There we go. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, please continue. That's the reality though is like you go, oh, fuck, what if I'd lost it?

And it's like, honestly, it's probably pretty easy to just get it back. Well, I went in the ocean last time I was in Thailand. I went in the ocean with my passport and people around me was panicking, sort of going, oh, my God, how much water damage did you do? You might be able to, and as they're saying it, they're like, you might be able to get back on a plane and leave Thailand and go back home. Right.

Oh, you want this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did this on purpose. It did cross my mind of like, oh, no, I'd be stuck in Japan for another couple of days having to figure it out. Oh, no. The embassy's taken ages getting me this new one for some reason.

I've got to go to Disney Sea again. They're forcing me to stay in this sex shop and make me put more dildos up my arse. This is weird. But, hey, it's their rules. I went in Japan. God, I wish I'd gotten a T-shirt from the dildo store. Why didn't you get one?

What was so cool about it? What were the ones you were taking pictures of? They just had like, I don't know. I just found it very funny to like, the brand is like, it's a pretty well-known brand. And I just liked the idea of like wearing it. And for anyone who like, you know, doing a live pod or whatever and having it on. And it's like, for the small percentage of the room that gets it, that knows the brand. It's like, that's awesome.

He's wearing Vibram merch. If you know, you know. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure you could just buy one online. Not with your 10% discount, though. You love it. You have to pay the tax on it.

I'd rather die. Just for those cool people in the crowd that are looking up going, ah, that guy bought some edible underwear in Japan. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Tommy, I think when people look at you, they know that... They know you got up to some dodgy shit in Japan. We know. You don't need to wear a T-shirt.

They know that you've got something up your ass. They can just tell from the squirming in the seat that something's going on up there. When they look at you, they don't need to check your passport. They know you've been to Japan. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the vibrator was a hit.

Oh, was it? I don't know if it's been used yet. Okay. Well, how can it be a hit then? Well, she was happy that I got the right one and that it was like 50% cheaper than what it would cost to buy online. Oh, really? Yeah, stuff's really cheap there.

And, you know, once you get that tax knocked off, it's worth having them take your passport and fuck around with it. Finally, something to make me cum. When was the last time you saw her? Finally, something to try to make me cum that doesn't have a big fucking wart on its nose. Oh, that's mean. Thank you very much.

We can talk about his ass. And we can talk about him not being able to make his fiancée cum. Hey, it's a temporary thing. I thought I could go at it. Because it'll be gone next week. Yeah, well, I hope. Hopefully. Hopefully.

Yeah. Do we want to do any update on our sponsorship? I did wonder whether we should do that, whether we wanted to confirm it this week or make the call and leave it to the live show happening. Well, I think maybe the live show could be the grand debut of the sponsorship, right? Maybe we get another taste test of our guests

and see what they think. I'm not going to sponsor your show. Oh, damn. My business is not doing that well. That's why you advertise. Oh, I should sponsor. You're right. You've got to spend money to make money.

This episode of The Little Dumb Dumb Club has been brought to you by DJ Pusshead. Yeah. DJ Pusshead upholstery. Why don't you just do What all the comedians do And just start a Kickstarter Just so people can donate So you can do a show

Yeah That's cool isn't it That's good Well everyone does it To go to Edinburgh Why can't we do it To go to Koh Samui Can you please sponsor me

So I can do this thing Yeah So I can do my job That earns money Yeah Hey guys Those Mikey's Into my office job They're getting expensive So I'm starting a Kickstarter For $50 a week that I do my job that earns money yeah hey guys those my keys into my office job

they're getting expensive so I'm starting a kickstarter $50 a week it costs me to get the public transport or one of those ones where it's like

oh my laptop got stolen so you need to give me all the money so I can buy a new laptop that is covered by insurance

that I'll be getting the money for and buying a new one next week cool but you've got the money now for that laptop

yeah hey guys I left my passport in the dildo shop and now I'm stranded new one next week. Yep. Cool. But you've got the money now for that laptop? Yeah. Okay, now you've got two laptops. I left my passport in the dildo shop and now I'm stranded in Japan for an extra week longer than I planned. I need money to cover my e-com. I need, I've got the e-com. They've let me stay in the dildo shop. What they won't let me do is stick the dildos up my ass.

I need to buy a new one every time. I need money for dildos. Guys, I'm lonely. There's no try-ons i don't speak the language over here this is all i have i'm so lonely the fitting room in a dildo shop that's so good i just want to see if this fits it It's like a jeweller, you know, when you get a ring fit. Yeah, a ring fit. So they've got like, in jewellers, because they have like a ring fit kit.

Yeah. It's the opposite of a jeweller. Does this ring fit? No, does this fit my ring? Yeah. Good one, DJ Fuckhead. Comedian Carl, please. Comedian Carl.

That does sound like if this was a long-running sitcom, that would be the catchphrase that gets the round of applause every week. Good one, DJ Fuckhead. And the beat plays. No, it's like, I mean, Ben, you've gone shopping for engagement rings. You're married. It's like the, you know, you take a little, you steal a little ring from your partner's collection

if you want to go and get the engagement ring without them knowing for something. You don't chop their finger off and take that. Okay, that was too dark. Got it. Yes, I do. I do. You do.

But you make a mold of her finger at night and then use like a resin. So that's me in the... I'll stick it in some pudding. Then you suck it up and you gave it to Tommy and he just sticks it in his butt. Yeah. They go, what are you sticking my finger in pud for?

And I'm just like, oh, it's a sex thing. Don't ask. But that's me in the Tengu shop. I've taken another dildo out of her collection. And I'm like, this is, you know, can we get something kind of sized around this sort of region? This is the sort of thing we're looking at. Yeah. Can I say before you.

No, that's good. Do you just show them your dick? And they're like, she likes this. Yeah. She's into this i think yeah i think that's great let's just go for something bigger because we're in tommy's case we don't have anything that small yeah well i go out for steak when you got cocktail frankfurt Carl's pussy begs to differ.

I was like, my fiance doesn't have work today and I was like, knowing that I was going to probably, like this is one of the only things I have to talk about on the podcast and then we got up and she's like, I'm just going to go out for the morning

and do some errands and I was like, great, because I felt very awkward about sitting here and having this conversation while she was in the house. She doesn't listen to the pod? No.

Oh. No. But why would you? It's like my wife. It's like I already hear half of it for free at home and I don't particularly like that bit. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

No. You trying to be funny is the worst part of you. Yeah. And then generally you're bringing over people who are even more annoying than you why do we want why do we want this

this is in case look I want to give a shout out to not DJ Fuckhead just to Fuckhead because I do love

the blurb that was given out which is I've looked up her Instagram I just love you know when you're trying

to big yourself up especially when you're not in comedy there's a lot of flowery Instagram. I just love the, you know, when you're trying to big yourself up, especially when you're not in comedy, there's a lot of flowery prose. But I just love it in contrast to the name. So it's like this. In contrast to the explosive DJ sets that have won her legions of fans nationwide, this track is a slow burn that gradually but inevitably envelops you with an brooding intensity that's flawless in its execution. It's a promising first offering from this rising artist.

There will no doubt be more to come sooner than you think. Beginning with eerie vocal chops and a frenetic collage of hats, synths and ornamentation, the sonic world that fuckhead immerses us in is one of overwhelming emotion. This was written at 3am in a cubicle at Yaya's. I would just love for their set to be like a club remix of Surf and Bird. Yeah. Yeah, maybe we could get,

maybe we could see if DJ Fuckhead wants to be the sponsor of. Just Fuckhead, thank you. A little bit of respect. It is fun though. I like to see that like, it's a shame that no classical composers have really got on board with that. Ooh, the third movement

of slops. Have you heard Slop's Fifth? Opera singer. It ain't open until cuntface sings. I'm looking up to see if fuckhead is on streaming you should just see if they'll open for you yeah get fucking open for a live show yeah there's fuckhead on the drunk cast believe it or not there's a lot of there's a few fuckheads on uh apple music what oh here we go

there's a lot of fuckheads yeah is that is that the same sort of artwork is that the right one this came out in 2022 No, no Oh, that's not them? This is like, genuinely, sorry There's MC Fuckhead By the way, this is Fuckhead Oh, okay

Oh, right, okay Oh, it's a chick Yeah And she's on Triple J Yeah, Triple J on Earth, by the looks of it On the Js And it's like Hey guys, welcome to the Js. I would love us.

Welcome to the Js. This is fuckhead coming at ya. What is this? I don't even know where I am. I'm on the road. This is fuckhead back to back because I'm clearly one. Texting now. Fuckhead.

Is this Hughsy on Triple J? It might be, yeah. It's bloody Triple J, isn't it? Coming up next. Fuckhead. Is this Hughsy on Triple J? It might be, yeah. It's bloody Triple J, isn't it? Coming up next, Fuckhead. Have some flume. Fuckhead seems like a new artist if they're on. I would love to just like we get in on the ground floor. This could be like the equivalent of us buying a racehorse.

The idea that we just hitch our wagon to Fuckheadhead we're doing everything we can to like push fuckhead in a couple of years fuckhead tops the hottest 100 what about what about this is a deal if anyone can reach out to fuckhead you've never heard fuckhead's music and you're like let's back it it's real crypto bro mentality it's not bad It's like 30 Yeah this rips There's a little taste test

That was very Osaka sex shop I don't know I think I was blasting Fuckhead while I was Leaving all of my Legal documents behind That was That was playing out

Of your ass at one point That was a That was a Musical butt plug Yeah yeah I can I can never tell if like when techno was good no i can't either yeah it's 11 a.m in someone's house yeah like this is not the time and place no no i do love i was talking to my friend who's a dj about the idea of him doing

you know like when you watch those like old def jam um gigs and they've got the dj backing them up just after each punch line like playing a little drop we could have we could have fuckhead do a bit of that what about this so what about this is a deal so what's comedian carl's catchphrase that plays that the beat drops and fuckhead plays comedian carl with backup from fuckhead oh so i'm like uh it's like def Jam I'm like Bernie Mac yeah so come in and Carl just like

I'll do duck sandwich yeah but you need an equivalent of like I ain't afraid of you yeah I ain't afraid of you yeah

do I just say that do I just get to the end of the joke even though it's not duck sandwich whatever I say and then I got off the bus

duck sandwich yeah wasn't there a guy on Def Jam that used to do that but he'd be like Whatever I say And then I got off the bus Duck sandwich Yeah Yeah Wasn't there a guy on Def Jam That used to do that But he'd be like Hamburger Yeah hamburger Jones

Yeah And I was like Dad Duck sandwich Yeah Honestly I think this could be Really big for you

Yeah Yeah Comedy's been missing a bit of that kick-ons energy. Yeah. What about this? What about this? We pump fuckheads music at our live shows. Yeah.

Intro music, you know. Front of house, that's all anyone's listening to. 4.30 in the afternoon. Guest intro music. Yeah. Nothing but fuckhead. Yeah. What's fuckhead going to do for you?

Here's the thing. They, fuckheads, start sampling this podcast. Oh, that's good. In the techno tracks. And it's just like, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, Sandwich, Sandwich, Sandwich, Sandwich. Fuckhead looks like they're about like 19 years old too

and all of a sudden it's like, hey, do you want to be affiliated with a 40 and 50 year old band who do a podcast? Well, to be fair... Perth genius. Yes. Yeah, I like it. I think it's good.

No, there is... I do feel like in the clubbing and in the techno world, there's a lot of irony at the moment. There's a guy called DJ Boring. There's a guy called DJ Fart in the club. There's a lot of sampling of the like you know like the round the twist theme and whatever like people will put into a drop

so it's not hard to imagine we get like fuckhead to put in a bit of like huesy snakes alive into the middle of the set fuckhead once this comes out people hit up fuckhead

let her let her know of this episode she can listen decide for herself she's got about three or four days before we do

the first live Melbourne podcast that we're doing for the comedy festival got about three or four days but before we do the first live melbourne podcast that we're doing for the comedy festival we have three contenders for our coast of million international podcast festival sponsorship yeah if fuck it's got a grand i'm more than happy for fuckhead to be the sponsor yeah because what we were what we were going to say to you guys is we put this out a few weeks ago we wanted a sponsor for the coast of million international podcast i hit up tourism tourism thailand into australia i gave them a massive pitch going hey do you want to sponsor this because we're bringing over hundreds of people

to thailand we've done this three times before we've brought so many people to thailand and on top of that so many people have gone we can't make it to your festival but we're definitely going because of all the fucking times you've been banging on about it. Blah, blah, blah. And then they go, oh, cool. And then they went back and forth with me. And then at one point they go, can we get our logo on the backdrop that you've got at your live shows? Because we can see the pictures you've got a backdrop.

And I go, absolutely. And then like five minutes later they go, no thanks. That was a test to see how desperate you were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the great end of this would be, you know, we get fuckhead over there. Because, you know, we're drinking on the beach. We're doing these shows like Sunset. Then we got the whole rest of the night to kill.

After party every night, we got fuckhead over there. And aren't psychedelics sort of illegal over in Thailand? They are. Yeah, so, I mean, that's a recipe for success. Yes, yes, yes. And just a bunch of fuck it. Like, you know, it seems like they're kind of at the cutting edge of like,

you know, like youth rave culture at the moment. And then they're over there playing to a bunch of like drunk 40 year old Australians going Chuck K. San in there. Play the bluey theme. To answer your question, if you asked if a DJ has a thousand dollars,

I'm going to say no. But that's, I mean, because I want this to happen. I'm happy. I don't know. We could, I don't know. We could work. This could be the start

of a beautiful friendship. This is the first ever collaboration between a DJ and a podcast. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's something sad about what you just said there. Yeah, I know.

There really is. I really feel like it's not the first and that's why it's sad. Yeah, maybe. Well, they got more followers than us on Instagram. Fuckhead. So, you know, they're doing all right. Yeah.

Looks like they're getting gigs and stuff. Looks good. And also, if they could sample us into one of their songs, it's fucking the closest we're going to get to being on fucking Triple J. Yeah, that's true. I just would even love to, like, yeah, they put out a banger with us in it and then it's like live debut, 4am at Sub Club in the city,

just like setting my alarm for 2.45am and heading in to just hear the live debut of a song with me in it. Comedian Carl could be the new hype man. Oh yeah. For fuckhead. Oh yeah, Fat Man Scoop style. Yeah, yeah.

What's up Hey mate What do you do for a job Yeah When I say hey You say mate Hey mate Hey mate

This is good This is good Just imagining fuckhead Sitting around with her mates Being like This is so cringe Yeah This is like I think we good. Just imagining fuckheads sitting around with their mates being like, this is so cringe. Yeah, yeah. This is like, I think I got mentioned on Gold FM or something.

There's a lot of fucking cunts that cook their own meat hitting me up on Facebook. Yeah. A lot of Southern Cross flags and people posing with fish. But no, this is where it starts. If you want to be like Taylor Swift, you've got to cross over. That's right. You've got to cross generations. You've got to cross genres.

That's right. You don't know your demographic until it tells you. Exactly. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could, you know, we need a younger, a burst of fans. All of a sudden we get a lot of absolutely fucking cooked cunts with fucking purple hats on and shit listening to us i went to 20 years time you could be on instagram

and see a 60 year old nick cody at a at a concert with a friendship bracelet that says fuckhead on it i went to a gig a techno uh gig a house gig at revolver Yes. And I was dead sober. This is recently. Yeah. Before, like before 12 o'clock. And it was, it was interesting. There was an interesting clientele there. Very, you know, wide ranging. You would have been a very much Robinson Crusoe in your state.

Yeah. It was strange. There were a lot of 18 year olds and look, even being around 18 year olds, you're like, oh, we're not the same. Yeah. I hated it. Yeah. I was just there for year olds and look even being around 18 year olds you're like oh we're not the same yeah i hated it it's like i was just yeah i was just there for the music i hated it was no it's weird i don't we've got nothing coming it's like a original banana looking at a modern banana going we're not what we're not the same banana there's a modern banana what do you mean there's many okay first off There's many different strands of banana Yeah

Well I know that Across that But the original banana I've heard of like ladyfinger And stuff like that Yeah yeah yeah But I've never heard of modern In pyjama

So the original banana In pyjama Was like In pyjama Full of seeds And much more fibrous Okay It didn't have much flesh on it

It had seeds in it Yeah A lot of big seeds And it was quite hard. And we have bred the banana to be a beautiful long thing that Tommy can put up his tongue. This is totally like the meme. I can imagine this, this being screamed into the ear

of a young woman on the dance floor at 4am while fuckhead is going. You know the banana, there used to be heaps different more types of bananas. That's what I was doing to all the 18 year olds. That's the original banana. Hey Fuckhead, can you turn the music down a bit? I'm trying to explain bananas to young girls. This is altering the course of our lives. We're like next year, no shows at the Melbourne Comedy Festival.

We are doing one live podcast at Revolver at 5.30 in the morning. Yes. Yes. Well, yeah, I mean, look, we could get fuckhead if you want to, you know, if you want to tap into a completely different demographic. That you do not want. That you do not want. But maybe you do want, you know, maybe you're looking to diversify.

I don't know. Exactly. Fatboy Slim, once he made the mainstream and like, you know. Again, a very old reference. That's the youngest I got. I remember one time you were like, oh, just a babe, you know, just a Samantha Fox. Exactly.

And I was like, oh, fuck. Exactly. You know, the hottest chick on earth, Marie Antoinette. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, look, I would love to think that as people my age, it's like, you know, music, you always stick to that music that you're like into, like when you're 18, 19, like a lot of people, they get to 40, it's like they're still into that same music.

I like to think a lot of people are still in the same porn they were into when they were in their peak like that. Yeah, absolutely. You've got to go back to your... You get frozen in time. Yeah, yeah.

You've got to go back to your hits. I don't relate to these new young chicks with blue hair. I can't jerk off to that. I need someone that was born in 1963. And that's why you still have a VHS player.

You know what? Another alternate path line for us linking up with Fuckhead could be at a certain point, you know, let's say she's wanting to make music videos.

Speaking of Fatboy Slim, you know, we could be like her Christopher Walken. You know, if she wants like, if she wants some old fucked looking cunts

for the novelty in a music or like an Apex Twin style, like look how fucked up these grotesque looking creatures are if that's kind of coming back in with dance music we could

fill that role. Look at this note. Look at this scab on my nose. That's so I love that. That's your weapon of choice.

I love that as like as at the moment not not she's not at the same level as Fatboy Slim so so she can't get someone the same

level as Christopher Walken. Instead of Christopher Walken she's got a couple of podcasters in her music video oh man how depressing that is depressing you guys could do like a beavis and butthead watching rage kind of situation yeah that's good that's the dream that'd be pretty cool yeah yeah um and then like she shows up and you're all like, and that's it. Are you fucking? Should we do her? I like how you're like, oh yeah, and then you could start being like Beavis and Butthead,

like we're not fucking. The equivalent of that already. If you can class it up a bit, you might get to Beavis and Butthead level We just talked about assholes For like 45 minutes We talked about a dildo being up Tommy's ass For at least 10 minutes Do you think Mike Judge gets any money out of Gogglebox?

Because they just basically ripped off Beavis and Butthead Yeah, yeah He's watching the music videos And talking shit over the top of it Mike Judge Can you copyright being a cunt watching TV I don't think you can

he should've he should've he should've yeah alright well do we want to wrap it up there for another week on the little dum dum club let's talk about the

let's make a big decision on the podcast next week we'll do it at the live ep and that gives us yeah three days for fuckhead

to listen to this. Yes. Give an official response. Touch base. Get her people onto it. Pull her pennies together. Yes. And be sponsoring a podcast for three months.

Well, we decide because we've got three on the table that are very excellent propositions. Oh, so she might go, I'm keen, and then we knock her back. Well, maybe. Who's the Fuckhead now? Yes. Why wouldn't you take all three sponsors though because that's

like people have been saying that during the week it's like you can't have like things get sponsored by one thing you can't go

da da da da da no they don't football is sponsored by you have like one McDonald's you and Danny

McGinley and Ben Lomas and Nick Capper and Xavier Michaelides shirts have like one sponsor on them. Maybe, but... What shirt has one sponsor on it?

Every shirt. What are you going to do with $1,000? It's, you know... Buying dildos over there, obviously. There's a lot of expenses. We're doing a podcast on Coastal Billy. How do you think we're getting over there? If you had three sponsors and they all gave you $1,000,

that's $3,000. Yeah, that's true. The three sponsors. Yeah, he's run the numbers on that one. That is correct. The three sponsors may very well come and go, well, I was saying $1,000 because I was going to be the sole sponsor. If my sponsorship is being diluted,

then that's not worth $1,000. I don't think you're playing this right. Yeah, I think. I feel like you should be like, we need three sponsors and we need a thousand dollars in your speech I think that

in business I think I might be maybe 70,000 times more successful than all three of you combined so possibly I think I might know more

but you know watching a TV show and they're like only one ad this week guys yeah only one ad in the ad breaks exactly Maccas aren't signing on if there's also a fucking car

being advertised I don't know how rich you think you are, but do you own the house you live in? Got it. I'm not on a podcast saying, can anyone have a broken chair that I can come along to and fix? I do like the idea that the guy who owns the bar goes, a broken chair that I can come along to and fix. I'm a little bit dreamy for a comedian, Carl. I do like the idea that the guy who owns the bar goes,

why am I sponsoring this if it's also being sponsored by an OnlyFans? That's a conflict of interest. Who's going to come to my bar if they're at home jacking off to the OnlyFans? Because they're the

three considerations. So it's a bar that's close by to here that's got room for comedy as well. It's a OnlyFans account that a young lady wants her

who found her no we were approached by her Tummy just went in for the clothing she's got great articles

I like her merch I like her merch so what her um oh no my damn I'm going to offer to design merch

for this whether or not she sponsors the podcast festival I I'm gonna offer to design merch for this whether or not she sponsors the podcast festival I'm gonna offer to design merch for this my girlfriend

was looking for an OnlyFans account to jack off to and I was just window shopping yeah and then what was the third one again

the third one was a man who's just made up a advertising campaign about hey what is it contraception's too tricky. You know, what if you can't find a condom?

Try anal sex, everyone. And it's basically just... That's his business? It's like pork, you know. Exactly. It's like pork or... It's a concept. It's Sam Kekovic on the TV. Anal sex.

No, but it's that. But he wants Brett Blake to wear an anal sex t-shirt the whole festival to promote anal sex. So Brett Blake's the Sam Kikovich of anal sex. Actually, you know what? In many ways, he is the Sam Kikovich of anal sex. Can I throw my hat into the ring? I feel like it fits in well. Sure. I mean, because my business name is One Night Stand.

Yes. So, I mean, I feel like it really flows in there. Yeah. Another contender I'll only throw money in which won't be a lot if all of them are in the

in the well okay so if everybody's involved I mean this would be including fuckhead as well it's a shame

because if we had all three of them on board they are they don't there's no conflict of interest there we're advertising

all three of them and that's a hell of a launch event where we pull up at this guy's bar and the OnlyFans lady is there and she fucks Brett Blake up the ass with the dildo that I almost lost my popularity in Japan.

Not only is there a conflict of interest, they all complement each other. Exactly. They all work in harmony. Jerk off, stick things up your ass. Play the music at the ruin a sofa

get it reupholstered oh yeah Bucket's doing the soundtrack to Brett getting rammed on stage I feel like we've just started a business yeah

well look we've put together a great night of entertainment because of what happens with the sponsors the potential list the potential sponsors are all people

that listen to this show so you can get back to us and go, okay, well, how do you feel about sharing sponsorship? That's all. Maybe be a discounted spot. Maybe it's not all $1,000. Maybe we could...

Stop. Stop. Discounting the price. It's a collab. It's a collab. This is what people are into now. You're thinking about it the wrong way. If you want to just have by yourself,

all these things complement each other. They work. They're cohesive. it the wrong way. If you want to just have it by yourself, all these things complement each other. They work. They're cohesive. It's vertical integration. Synergy at its finest. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Who knew business was this easy? Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Well, thanks, everyone, for listening. Thank you, Ben Russell and Tor Snyder, for joining us. Thank you. Ben, you have got shows coming up at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and beyond, dare I say. I do.

From the 9th to the 21st, the second half of the festival. That's of April? Yes, of April. I will be at the Cooper's Inn with my show, Ben Russell, at 9.20. And what can we expect? It's no none no little wiggles dances

no wigs no songs no wiggles and no wigs no wigs no wiggles no dancing no wiggles

it's just it's an hour stand up show it sounds to me like the stool might be getting pulled out this sounds like a Perth show the stool got pulled out

once you pulled out your butt plug no it's just yeah it's just a Perth show. Yeah, I'm a real Perth. I still got pulled out once you pulled out your butt plug. No, it's just a stand-up show. I've not actually done an hour stand-up show before. Of straight stand-up.

Of straight up stand-up. It's all been gay stand-up. That is really good stuff. That's a good little snippet. Fuck, I love hearing that. And Tor, what have you got? You've got the upholstery business. Yep, just doing that.

What else am I doing? I'm going to Sydney. You've got upholstery, so he's got new material on Saturday. Hey! I got good food. Boom! Comedian Carl. Dr. Sandwich.

Are you going to play us out? All right. Thanks very much for listening. We'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate. And they've done it they have

that was a good one Bernie yeah hats off to you Bernie great shit live stuff let's go right now

it's happening you know what if you're in Melbourne or you're coming to Melbourne the Melbourne Comedy Festival starts right about now Funk Soul Brother and

it is we do four live shows over four Saturday afternoons at the Basement Comedy Club 4.30 in the afternoon 30th of March

then the 6th 6th 13th 20th and 69th the supplementary

and heaps of great guests locked in yes they're going to be really great and we're at about I think 70-75% capacity at the moment so it is going to be really great and we're at about i think 70 75 capacity at the moment so it is going to fill the fuck up yeah um if you of course we're in brisbane as well 18th of may

and kosamui we're still doing that as well there's one or two rooms left please get onto that but if you're in melbourne go and see some friends of the show yeah um oh yeah there's there's my bullshit there's the the worst of melbourne comedy with some friends of the show. You might recognise doing that. That's on Wednesday nights, whatever those dates are, April. I don't even know. Anyway, you can find them. There's not too many other shows called the worst of Melbourne comedy.

That must be the ninth would be one of them. Anyway. Yeah, second. 16th. No, second, ninth,. Anyway. Yeah, 2nd. 16th. No, 2nd, 9th, 16th. Yeah. That's it. Yeah, that's it.

There's three. You're not doing one on the very first Wednesday of the Comedy Festival? No, no. While I'm setting up all my other shit? Yeah, going up against the gala. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely not.

But yeah, I'll be in and around. Actually, that's a move for next year. You find a bar in St Kilda and the night that the gala's on, you run a show called The Shit Gala. Yeah. Like a block away. That's good.

Well, it's funny because some people are doing that. I'm seeing the purchases several times where people are... So I do run a showcase at Basement Comedy Club. It's upstairs actually, but it's at Morris House, the great name, called Best of Melbourne Comedy and it's a Morris house, the great name, um, called best of Melbourne comedy. And it's a showcase with heaps of fucking famous people and friends of the show,

whatever. But then some people buying that plus worst of Melbourne comedy in the same purchase, which is sort of funny. It's like getting, you know, buying a snake and buying the snake antidote. Yeah. At the same time.

Yeah. Um, so that's sort of funny that, that, that, especially cause they have, they have to say the good one in first and then they're saying the bad one. you. So that's sort of funny. Especially because they have to see the good one first and then they're seeing the bad one.

Oh, you go, yeah, okay. Because best of is like at 8 o'clock and then worst of is 9.30. Yeah. So it's like, oh, let's, why, you know, why did we want to finish our night just seeing Akmal smash it up around the corner when we can see whatever the fuck this is.

But have you ever done like, if you've got like a, if you know you're going somewhere nice for dinner or having something nice for dinner and you're a bit rushed during the day and you're like i'll stop in and get maccas ordinarily i'd feel a bit bad about this but you know what yeah i got this coming up tonight right this is all right yeah this is resetting me before i go and have my rock pool yeah i'm just having my quarter pounder oh but i'm always worried about spoiling it because you want to go there and you know you've got've got, you know, you're at Rockpool, you're having a fucking nice steak there and you're going, if I didn't eat this, that wouldn't be the end of the world. I'm not really hungry.

Yeah, okay. I do like the idea of actually being hungry and enjoying my food. Yeah, that's true. But I don't know. But maybe that's it. Maybe, you know what? You see the best of. That's a beautiful medium rare steak.

And then you're like, you know what? It was delicious, but I could eat a little bit more. And if that's a fucking cheeseburger that's been dropped on the ground and everything's fallen out and I've had to pick it back up off Burke Street, there's a bit of gravel, there's a bit of ash, there's a bit of spew, there's a bit of skull, but I'm still going to eat it. But you've presumably enjoyed Best of Melbourne Comedy already, because you've seen

good acts doing good material. Yes. But then the benefit is you go to Worst of Melbourne Comedy, and then when you're driving home and you're thinking about the evening as a whole, you're then liking Best of Melbourne Comedy even more than you already did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that you've seen something really bad, it's like, hey, I already appreciated it. Yeah, yeah. But now that I've

seen how bad it can get, I appreciate it even more. Right. Well, you'd like to think ideally that's the other way around, I guess. You'd want to see something. Look, and look, we're not locking in that West of Melbourne comedy is going to be bad. You know, it could be the best. Well, it better not be. Yeah, it better not be.

Or you'll be hearing from the fucking ombudsman. Exactly. It will be, I'll be pulling it off the air. The combatsman. Pulling it off the air mid-broad fucking ombudsman. Exactly. It will be, I'll be pulling it off the air. The combatsman. Pulling it off the air mid-broadcast, Kerry Packer style. Yeah. Get this good stuff off my stage. Get this goddamn, whatever good animal does shit off my stage.

Yep. Yes. Get this beautiful Faberge egg off my stage. You should just like every Wednesday when you've got your best of show, whoever does the worst there, they get ferried onto the worst of Melbourne comedy an hour after. Mid-set.

Your punishment is you have to hang around in the city for another two hours to do this show. Mid-set, they get the shepherd's crook off the stage and I keep pulling that crook a block away until I get to spleen. And go. Well, of course, you will be seeing, if you're coming to our show this weekend,

if you're in Melbourne, you will be seeing our auditions for the worst of Melbourne comedy, for the first installment of it. And you will also be seeing us lock in our sponsorship live on stage, making the call about who we pick, who is going to be the lucky recipient

of the opportunity to give us money. recipient of the opportunity to give us money. Speaking of the opportunity to give us money, that's an opportunity that you can unlock for yourself right now simply by visiting patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub. Support the show. Get a couple of bonus mini episodes every week featuring special guests. And also, maybe you will be about to hear your name be being read out. Yeah.

A mini tiny little sponsorship. Yeah. Most of the negatives in terms of giving us money with not many of the positives of the sponsorship. It is a tiny little sponsorship. But also, yeah, those live shows, great guests. So get into it. This weekend's a great, great one. Thank you very much to everyone who subscribes,

but particularly these people. Let's get into it. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, first cap off the rank number one this week. Thank you to Nua Casper Ostella. Okay. Yes. Interesting.

Very interesting. I was about to say when you said it's not really a sponsor, or it's like a mini sponsorship But it's like It could be If your name just happened to be a brand name Like if we You know

Someone supported us on Patreon And their name was Ralph Lauren Yes Then you know But David Jones I mean this sounds like it could be a shop Say it again

N-O-O-A Hyphen Casper With a K Mm Ostella Nua Casper Ostella Nua Casper Ostella Yeah K, Ostellar. Newer Casper Ostellar. Newer Casper Ostellar.

Yeah. I hope I'm pronouncing that right, but Newer Casper Ostellar. That sounds like... Ostellar. You know when you have something that you've maybe like... Ostellar. Never had to buy before or like you end up... Like say, for example, you get into like, you know what?

I'm going to buy a really good set of bed sheets for the first time and then you all of a sudden get into this realm where you're discovering brands that you never knew existed this this name reeks of like okay i'm gonna do my research i'm gonna find out the best brand of bed sheet i can get oh the newer casper or stella they're the really high-end brand of uh. I mean, is it African? What is it? With that name, NOOA, like N-O-O-A, that feels African. You'd think we'd have learned by now.

Never speculate. No, no, no. I'm going to. Never speculate. What do you do? Never take a punt. You sit there and you don't say anything and then nothing happens. If you say something fucked, something even fucked might happen and then we have something to talk about yeah then we get cancelled and then

that's an episode that's something to talk about as i always say cards out the front of the basement comedy club next week as i always say if you ain't got shit going on you can't get cancelled that's true um but maybe this is newer maybe she's like, he or she is like a World Vision sponsor child. And she's grown up and going, you know what? Got to give back. I actually got too much from that family that had me on there. And here's someone way less fortunate than ourselves. Yep.

Let's give back. Boy, this is, not only are we like speculative on the background, but even the gender, we don't want to take a complete stab at. Well, I have no idea. I have no idea. This could be someone named. This could be a young person very named after. The parents could have been listeners of this show.

And they've named him or her after what they say. Oh, God. What they say when Talking Dumb Dumbs is coming up. No. It's like a Marvel Comics. Yes. They saw a ghost at the end. Yeah, exactly.

Right, right, right. Yeah. The friendly ghost. Yeah. Man, that's quite a name. That's one of the more interesting names I think we've ever had on this show. Yeah, having a hyphen in a name where like either of those by themselves would be like just getting you know sponsored by casper

yes there'd be enough in that yeah um the hyphenated first name you don't really see all that much of yeah um this person is on he's on youtube Yeah, I'm looking them up on YouTube. And there is... They've got three subscribers and no videos. Yeah, okay. Okay, well, we've got no details over that. Got to start a little account to log my playlists and whatnot. Yeah, and there's absolutely just no details. Anyway, they joined in 2014.

They've garnered a great three subscribers since then. Oh, I thought you were saying they joined our Patreon in 2014. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They have been waiting a long time. They got on there before we were even on there. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wow, they're keen. Yeah.

No, they're on, you know, shout out. Hey, become the fourth subscriber. Let's give back. Well, now that we've plugged the YouTube channel, you've got to start pumping out videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that, you know, now that we've plugged the YouTube channel, you've got to start pumping out videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that, you know,

now that word of the channel's getting out there. Yes. Yeah, we've got a YouTube channel. Get onto that. Yeah.

I never know with YouTube. I watch a lot of it these days, but I never know, like, they say that you can monetize. We're not monetized,

though, are we? No. How do you monetize? You can't monetize. We can't monetize. We could, monetized though, are we? No. How do you monetize? You can't monetize. We can't monetize. We're not big enough. We could, but we would get like eight cents.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We would get nothing off it. I think once you get a thousand subscribers. You've got to be getting a lot of views. You've got to be putting up like four videos a week and getting a lot of views on them to make it worthwhile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.

Well, we won't do that. And then like content stuff gets you flagged. Yep. On my other podcast, we won't do that. And then like content stuff gets you flagged. Yep. On my other podcast, we got flagged as hate speech for using the word cunt. Yes. Because YouTube's an American company and it goes, hey, yeah, this is a slur up there with the N word. And we were like, hey, this is like, this is a pretty damning label to have on for something that is an adjective in our country. I have a sister called that.

Yeah. Yeah. We're like, hey, can you take take this we're fine if it affects our monetization but can we not have the hate speech yeah thing being leveled at us that's a bit that's a bit rough yeah um and also not not we're not going to kick you off the platform you're saying racist stuff yeah you're using hate speech yeah we're not going to say that you can't be on here. Yeah. We're just going to say that you can earn slightly less money. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Well, thanks, Nua. I'd love to hear more. Yeah. About that name. If I'm pronouncing Nua right, if I'm pronouncing, if it's Ostella or not. That sounds right. It sounds right to me. Yeah.

Get in touch, Nua. Jesus Christ. I want to know more about this person i do it's it's um yeah it's one of the one of the more when when i hear that name i don't think patreon subscriber to the little dum-dum club what if it is just like the most oh it's like this is a this is an australian person and it's just like the most ultra bogan name you know it's like no it's pronounced neil you know what i mean it's just like the most ultra-Bogan name. You know, it's like... No, it's pronounced Neil. You know what I mean?

It's just like Bogan parents that have just like really gone for it with the spelling of something. Oh, I've delved into the Millionaires group, of course, that people that are on Patreon can be part of. Finland. Okay. From Finland. Okay. That's a Finnish name. Yeah. From Finland. Okay. That's a Finnish name. Yeah.

Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah. Does it? I was pretty close with Africa. Yeah. In a way. They're both on the globe.

Yep. They both use language of some description. Well, thanks, Nua Kasper. Thanks, Nua. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Chanel Wiseman. Okay. That's good. Yeah. This is a good name. Yeah. subscriber Chanel Wiseman. Okay. That's good. Yeah.

This is a good name. Yeah. A lot going on. Yeah. Two different flavours. Yeah. Like two scoops of ice cream chucked on the one. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Are you a two scooper? Do you ever think about the combo of the two? Or do you think I'm just getting two things I like? I'm usually only a one scooper in a cup. Oh, really? One scooper in a cup. A cup?

I've got, if I'm getting ice cream, I've got too much guilt about it as is. So I'm like, I've got to get just the minimum, just the bare minimum. But what's that about the cup though? What do you mean? Why are you guilty about the cup? Like, about the cone? Like, why don't you get a cone? Well, I don't know. I just like, I prefer using are you guilty about the cup? Like, about the cone? Like, why don't you get a cone? Well, I don't know.

I just like, I prefer using a little spoon in the cup. But wouldn't you feel guilty about, like, the wastage that you're producing with the cup? I mean, the cone is the beautiful bowl of food that you can then eat the bowl. You're right. It's the equivalent of the paper straw. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I mean, I hate this world And I want it to fucking Burn to a crisp The sooner the better So I'm doing my part to Enough said Burn some tyres Yep Use as much plastics as I can

Okay Yep Alright that makes sense Yep Chanel Yep Pardon me Yeah

That's Your dog's playing up Tommy Yeah It's I don't know what's going on. I think this house is haunted by the ghost of all the wanks you had over Tetris. I think those sperms saying boo. Good riffing.

Thank you. Thank you. I walked back in and I heard sperms. Barkey's floundering. Well, I could say that at the best of times. Yeah. But also the worst of times. Yeah.

But no, Chanel Wiseman. Yeah. Chanel, you'd be a fan of Chanel. That's a name. That's a surname where when you're getting married, you're not giving that up. You're not giving Wiseman up. That's a good, that's a surname where when you're getting married you're not giving that up. You're not giving Wise Man up. That's a good point.

You're holding on to Wiseman. That's one of the few times where as a boy I'd be going, I'm in. Maybe. Tommy Wiseman. Yeah.

That's good. That sounds good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything sounds good with Wiseman. I reckon. Yeah, you're right but also

I think Tommy's a good name with a last name. Yeah, Tommy's a good Name with a last name It compliments Yeah it's a good entree Yeah It's got a good flow to it Yeah It has to be a pretty

Like clunky last name For Tommy to not You know Make a decent name of it Yeah but I would argue Wiseman is the Tommy of surnames I reckon you could put almost Anything in front of Wiseman

And it's going to sound good Yeah Like what's the worst first name Dwayne Tommy of surnames. I reckon you could put almost anything in front of Wiseman and it's going to sound good. Yeah. Like what's the worst first name? Dwayne. Dwayne Wiseman. Yeah, that's fine. That's awesome.

Yeah, it's fine. That's sick. It's actually fine. It elevates everything. Yeah. Chanel is almost like, as they say in comedy, a hat on a hat though.

There's almost too much going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Too many hats. Yeah. What kind of vibe you get this is a this is a person where it's truly impossible this does sound like a made-up name this does

sound like the name of a character in a movie don't you think it does it's sort of too good it does sound like someone who the parents have put a bit of thought into where they're like we got wiseman yeah let's not fuck it up yeah Yeah. Let's give a real, like, that's already a really good name. Why not give, like, a really well-loved, respected brand on top of that? Many people would think that Wiseman's... Let's try and make the perfect name. Yeah. Many people would think Wiseman's doing all the work.

We can just call our kid Joe or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can give them the most average name and it's still going to be, like, pretty classy stuff. Yeah. But respect to these people for for going the extra mile they're sort of frankensteining it up yeah let's take parts from all these places and let's um let's make the let's see what happens and then and then it's just you know and the townspeople are furious exactly all of a sudden there's people

pitchforks out the front of the boardnity ward. Fire on sticks, whatever that shit's all about. Storming the castle. Yep. You have bastardized nature. This is not right. Are you getting any... No, tried to look her up in the Millionaires group, but hey, look, Chanel, join the group.

Might not be one of these people. It's just not on Facebook. Yeah. Might not want to dilute her name. Yes, could be the case. Why not? Why bother fucking around with Facebook when you're walking around with a name like that? Hey?

Just, you don't need social media. If you've got a name like that, do you reckon you're one of those people that's just like constantly, you've just got a name tag on all the time? Hi, I'm Chanel White. With your last name as well. You're just signing up to those social groups just as an excuse to walk around in a bar with a sticker with on all the time. Hi, I'm Chanel. With your last name as well. You're just signing up to those social groups just as an excuse to walk around in a bar with a sticker with your name on it.

Can you have two circular badges? Hello, my name is Chanel. And then hello, my name is Wiseman underneath it. Hello, my surname is Wiseman. That's good. That's on the back. Yeah, I'd like that. Chanel on the front, Wiseman on the back.

Oh, yeah. In the sheets. I'd like that. I would like, yeah. You on the back. Oh, yeah. In the sheets. Yep. I'd like that. I would like, yeah. You know what? We should have, should we do this for Koh Samui Podcast Festival? I don't think we've, have we ever done this? Have name tags for the opening day?

I think we did. Did we? Didn't we? I have a feeling we did one year. We had like, yeah. I have a memory of sitting at a fucking desk in the lobby and writing out people's names onto a thing. I reckon we should do it. If only for CCTV footage when we have to track down who did exactly which crime.

I think that would be a good idea. Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Hello, my name is. And then just everyone walking around with cunts. Like Brisbane Bar style. Fuck you.

Scan of your ID so that we can track you down when you commit a crime in this venue. Yes. Yeah, and it's just all, hello, my name is 69.

Yeah. Okay. The 69 come. All right. Oh, fuck. Great. Wow.

The 69 family got up to some hangin' shit over at the podcast festival. Yeah, and hello, and it looks like, hello, my name is cunt.

They took a shit in the rice bubbles at breakfast, so that's cool. yeah. Yeah. And hello. And it looks like hello my name is they took a shit in the rice bubbles at breakfast. So that's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great.

Well thanks Chanel. Thanks Chanel. Feel free to come to Koh Samui and really class up the name tag system. Yeah. Thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber James Ashby. OK. Yeah. This is very normal. Very. But fine. Yeah. Very solid seven out of ten name. Yeah. James Ashby okay yeah this is very normal very but fine yeah very solid 7 out of 10 name

yep if I hadn't heard those first two names I'd be like fuck fuck pretty good name here yeah if this had been number one I'd be like alright this is interesting

yep Jim Ashby Jimmy Ashby Jimmy Ashby nah see James I'm usually pretty big fan of the Jimmy but James

suits this way better. In this one, yeah. Yes. You know what's very funny? We were talking off air with Ben and Tor about the new part two of Dune, and it is very funny that Dune is like big science fiction epic, you know, a lot of high concept stuff in there, crazy aliens and stuff, and the main character's name is Paul.

Oh, really? is that right everyone else has some fucked up weird name and then the main guy is just paul the messiah his name is paul yeah that's a that's not very space spaceman name well and the guy who wrote the book his name's frank which is like you know i assume that's his real name because that is like a hero. Frank Herbert. That's an era of sci-fi writing where you would think, well, he's using an alias, surely. Right. He's writing this book. He's going to give himself some crazy ass name.

Yeah. I guess Frank Herbert is, if we got a Patreon subscriber, Frank Herbert, I'd be like, this is a fucking awesome name. Well, is it? I mean, if I found out this guy's name, his stage name was Frank Herbert, I'd be like, what sort of a fucking name did you have to start with? If you've got every name to choose between and you go on with Herbert. Frank Herbert.

I think it's a bit of a clunker of a name. It's not terrible, but it's fucking boring. Really? Yeah. No, I like it. You like Herbert? Yeah. Why?

As a surname. Why? I don't know. I like it. It's Herbert? Yeah. Why? That's a surname. Why? I don't know. I like it. It's got nothing for me. Frank Herbert. Not for me. It is one of those ones where they, like, in tandem.

What was our friend's name in LA that we knew? Frank someone. Remember 10 years ago? Yeah, we knew a young guy called Frank. Yeah. What was his last name? Didn't he have an interesting last name as well? I can't remember.

Not overly. Oh, wasn't it? Okay. Was it just us? I mean, he's no Reg Tigerman. Yeah. What was his last name? Didn't he have an interesting last name as well? I can't remember. Not overly. Oh, wasn't it? Okay. Was it just us? I mean, he's no Reg Tigerman. Yes. Manager of Bert Kreischer. Yes.

Who we met at Montreal. Yes. No, I just thought it was like a, whatever the last name was. Because this is like a 22-year-old guy that we met called Frank that we were entranced with. Lovely guy. A young Frank. Yeah.

Drove us around, took us to a couple of restaurants. Yeah, I wonder what old Frank's up to these days. I should touch base with him. I think he left where he was, that's for sure, a long time ago. But fuck knows what he's doing now. Yeah. One of these people. Been a young guy who got a sort of entry-level intern sort of thing

at a podcast studio during the big podcast boom, and it's like, what's a guy like that doing now? Just, you know what, he's growing into his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was 10 years ago. Well, I do remember going out for dinner with him and just all of, like just us sitting there and just talking to him about the fact that he was called Frank.

Yes. Yes. We're like, this is pretty funny. And he's like, I don't understand like this is pretty funny and he's like i don't understand how this is funny yeah yeah yeah yeah that was most of the conversation actually well and especially in a country like america yeah i'd imagine there's a lot of people of that age called frank a lot more franks and a lot of more franks in general do you even how many franks do you know in australia wood. Oh, yeah. He might be the only Frank.

Yeah. Yabby Bait. Yes. Yeah, that might be it. Frank. Yeah. Sinatra. This is so annoying any time we get on this.

Is he Australian? Does he do comedy with us? I know the name. I'm just trying to. Oh, I did it my way. This is one of those annoying things where any time it's like, oh, do comedy with us? I know the name. I'm just trying to... I did it my way. This is one of those annoying things where anytime it's like, oh, do we know any? And then it's like immediately...

Oh, that's right. My mum's name's Frank. Yeah. Fuck, I forgot. Boys, this person who's on your show every second week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Frank Capa. Lucky we don't care.

Yeah. Well, James Asprey, I think it's fucking great. It could be a politician's name very easily. It could be a fashion brand. It could be a men's store, I think. I'd shop at James Ashby. I keep thinking it's Frank Ashby. But no, yeah, James Ashby.

Frank's, I don't know why. You're right. It is like politician in a movie or something. President James Ashby. Senator James Ashby. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would shop at james ashby yeah yeah that's uh yeah so easy man if you don't have a job already we've done it for you politician or owner of chain store of men's clothing i mean again i do wish

it would be nice if patreon gave you a little occupation thing because so many of these names i just i just you know immediately I want to know more. I want to know what they do. I love that. I love that. You're like, yeah, they should tell us, you know, what they do for a living. When that information would be given out to every other podcaster and they go, why the fuck are they telling us what they do for a living?

Why would we use this? Or at the very least, you on Patreon as the person running it, whatever your Patreon thing evolves into, you then get to just choose what information they have to put in. Yeah. And signing up, like, I like this podcast. Oh, I might subscribe to them and, you know, give a little back. What's your name?

James Ashby. And what do you do for a living? Why the fuck do you need to know this? I'm not fucking, I'm not supporting this. Speaking of signing up and filling out forms i could not believe how often this happened to me in japan being on a like signing up for something over there or like scanning a qr code and having to like put in some information or whatever and putting in my email address and then it being like that's not a valid

email address because i had a space after the you know after the email and it being like, that's not a valid email address because I had a space after the email. And it was like, oh, you can't have a space. Like crazy that there's not the infrastructure to be like, no, well, you obviously, if the phone automatically puts in a space, you ignore that. I just could not believe how often that was happening to me. Right. For such a technologically advanced place. It's like, why does every machine, every like online form shit itself if it thinks it sees a space in someone's email address?

At the end. At the end of the email address. You know why? That's why they lost the war. Dot com space. What the fuck's this all about? That's why they didn't win. Yeah.

Well, thanks James Ashby. Thanks Asho. Thanks very much to Patreon subscriber John Langdon. Might be the most line in length. Well, maybe not line in length. It's a J-O-N. There's no H. Yeah, I like that, honestly.

Do you? Yeah, I don't like that. I look at the H aesthetically. I don't know. You know, John, what's it doing there? Again, the fact that the name can exist without the H. Yeah. It tells you everything you need to know.

That's fair enough. I like the look of it. I like the H in there. Maybe it's just what I'm used to. But, John, I mean, I think you like it because of Garfield. J-O-N. Is he just J-O-N? Yeah.

Right. I mean, this is kind of like the thing of like if we evolved from monkeys he just J-O-N? Yeah. Right. I mean this is kind of like the, you know, the thing of like if we evolved from monkeys, how come there are still monkeys? Yeah. It's like if you don't need the H in John, how come there are still Johns with H's in their names? Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I don't know, the name evolves but then the other stuff still

hangs around. It is funny to, what came first, the John or the John? Because like if there was the... Oh, was the H in there like a Bogan spelling kind of equivalent where they're like... Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or was there someone really that was like... We started with J-O-N.

And then someone was like, how do we pronounce this? It's like, oh, fuck, you need help. Let's put a H in there. John. John. Just a little bit. But shouldn't that be Joan? Because O and H by itself is O. Yeah. John. John. But shouldn't that be Joan? Because O and H by itself is O.

Yeah. John. John. On the way to the end, you are giving it a little bit of a... Really holding someone's feet to the fire when they're like, oh, good to see you, John. You're like, ah, sorry, that's actually not my name. I did not...

Do you not... Did you spell that... Do you not remember my name? Did you spell my name properly with your mouth? Yeah. Without the letters? Yeah. Did you... You my name? Did you spell my name properly with your mouth? Yeah. Without the letters? Yeah. Did you?

You didn't pronounce it. You said John. I didn't hear any slight little timber of a H in there. So if you want to start again. I met a friend's new partner the other day who his family is Indian and he's got an Indian name. And she had like. The double. Yeah.

She had like typed it out to me. She's like, Oh, I can't wait for you to meet. And I was like, I don't know how I'm pronouncing that. And then over the course of the night, I heard it pronounced three or four different times.

And I didn't, I really meant when he introduced himself in my head, I went, now this is the one, this is the one you got to file away. Cause this is the correct one. And then now I'm like, I just,

I can't, I can't remember which one because it's kind of you read it and it's like you could say this about three or four different ways so yeah i don't know i'm stressed about the next time i see him you know it's like that you go in and you want to like prove that you've remembered someone yeah and that you remember their name you want to use their name but i also i don't want to i don't want to flub it. I don't want to go in and go, hey, Jahan, and be like, um. Yeah. Yeah.

I want to talk to Cody about this from last week. They did a little radio prank on him or whatever it was the other week where they just go. Oh, yeah. You don't know anyone here, do you? Yeah, yeah. You don't know anyone's name at your workplace? Yeah.

They fucked him up a little bit because I think they brought in people from outside the office. He doesn't really have heaps of... I watched that and it made me want to kill myself. That's my worst fucking nightmare. That's it. I was like, that's so fucking... That's rough stuff. Well, that's what I want to hear, that more people are like that.

Because I always just think I'm the number one worst of all time at that stuff i also think too in a job like that you know you're going in it's 4 a.m your brain is fucking still logging on you're going into the studio you know what i mean like i kind of think that's like such extenuating circumstances also but but it's also if you're the like on-air talent that's like a thing that people love to pile on of like oh you're too good for the little guy but i've been in those you know that that circumstance before it's like oh these guys oh they know your they know my name do they yeah because it's on the fucking wall well we got that at uh studio a when we did uh community television show yeah the students that worked on that good point were off us at rap drinks because they're like you don't know who

we are and well and we're like you're up in a control room. I've never met you before. Yeah, we're on the call sheet. We're saying each other's names to each other on camera. We're at the start of the credits. The thing where it's like, you know, people love to assume that it's rudeness. It's like, I'm just really stupid. There's no ill intent. I'm just really stupid yeah like i i i there's no ill intent i'm just really dumb it's not just you it's family members yeah it's names of food yeah i don't

i'm not i don't think i'm better than you my brain is just slow i don't know my wife's phone number yeah i got bonked in the head i don't know fucking anything i shit my pants yeah i can't when i leave the house it's 45 minutes for me to just remember where i've put my keys my wallet my phone yeah it's everything and nothing's registered in there i don't even know how to get to sleep at night yeah babies just go straight to sleep i'm sitting there going fuck how's this work again? I don't know where I am right now. I don't know... Carl. Langdon. Carl.

That's Carl. Lonnie Langdon. My name's Carl. Who's this guy? This guy's John Langdon. John Langdon. Yeah. See?

I thought you were looking at me asking my name. I couldn't remember that, and I just heard it five seconds ago. Yeah, well. Yeah, you're lucky. You're lucky I remember your name, and I've got it written in front of me, and then I'm looking up to talk to you, Tommy. You're lucky I remember it for that long. Oh it written in front of me and then I'm looking up to talk to you, Tommy. You're lucky I remember it for that long. Oh, that's all that's on that screen.

It's just words open and it just says Tommy in like 72-point font. That's all there needs to be on the screen of the UTA, the unplanned title ultimately. Well, that's the one bit of it that's planned. Yeah, yeah. Reminding you of what my name is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've overridden it so that comes out every week.

There's two screens. One screen is whoever you're facing to remind you of that. Co-host name. And then random people for some reason. That's how it works. Well, thanks, John. Thanks, John Langdon. Langdon, sorry.

Okay. Thank you very much. The final one this week. Beautifully timed. I want to go and get some lunch. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. this week beautifully timed i want to go and get some lunch thank you very much to patrons subscriber well well well fucking hell i mean you wait for a bus all day and then three come along at once thank you very much to to patron subscriber no comedy no comedy yeah yeah yeah right no no uh comedy right yeah Right. So it's just another person. How apt.

How very apt. Yes. Well, thanks, no comedy. That's what we're naming this segment from now on. Yeah. We're stealing your name. No comedy. Well, thanks, everyone.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting the show. Get down and see us live. Even more apt because there's no hyphen comedy, which looks like no minus comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for listening. Yeah, get down and see us live.

LittleDumbDumbClub.com. We'll see you there. Thanks very much for listening. Melbourne, Brisbane, Koh Samui. Yeah. We'll see you next time. See you, mates.