The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 704 - Live! Wil Anderson, Peter Helliar & Gen Fricker

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

It's the first week of our annual month of live shows in Melbourne and we're joined by WIL ANDERSON, PETER HELLIAR and GEN FRICKER! It's Karl's birthday and Tommy's bankrupted himself with a surprise present for the occasion. Wil's turned up with some content after seeing a suspicious man in an alleyway, Pete's a little too keen for the podcast, and we finally crown a sponsor for the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival! PLUS we're holding auditions for The Worst of Melbourne Comedy! Is this bullying? Is it truly the Worst of Melbourne Comedy? All (none) of these questions will be answered! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Will Anderson, Peter Hellyer and Jen Fricker. You can come and see us do more of this in Melbourne the next three weekends. Get on it. Absolutely, if you like that one, there's more to come. And Brisbane, May 18, and then of course the Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival. littledumdumclub.com for all of that information we'll talk to you more at the end of the episode but until then enjoy this new live episode with will anderson peter hellyer and jen fricker Hey, mate, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dassler and with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, G'day. That was the case. Usually we tell the tech when we want to start. He got bored and told us just then. Boys, I've only got one more hour on the meter. Come on, let's get this fucking show on the case. Usually we tell the tech when we want to start. He got bored and told us just then. Boys, I've only got one more hour on the meter. Come on, let's get this fucking show on the road. We on? We're recording? We're good?

Yep. Fuck yeah. I hope he's ready to record since he played the theme song before we were ready. It's good to have him up the front of the stage. Techie knee. That's good. I know. In the old days

I used to have to yell my abuse to the techie and now I can just whisper, do your job, cunt. It's good to wheel out one of the worst puns you can think of at the start of the show and get a good reaction and then just know it's going to be smooth sailing from here on out. If you like that three

out of ten, watch out for the twos we've got coming up. Carl, I think I echo the thoughts of everyone in this room when I say happy birthday. It is Carl Chandler's birthday. I did prepare something. Can we get the music? Can we get the little... Happy birthday to you.

Guys, come on. Can we all get into it? Tommy, I did not turn 05. Happy 50th birthday, Carl. That's not a thing. For the listener at home, I've got two big gold foil balloons that say 5 and 0, and

it was a minimum order of 25 units of each on the website I got them from, so if anyone has a 550,550th birthday coming up and they need some balloons, talk to me after the show. Can I use that in two years' time? Is that cool? I'll hold on to them.

Do you think they'll stay inflated for two years? Yeah, I mean, I don't want to take them fucking home with me. I've got 24 more of these cunts sitting in my office at the moment. Definitely, you know, good luck writing that off on tax for an audio medium. Yeah. I mean, even as a visual medium to anyone in the front row who's now like,

cool, I can't see the famous guests who are on this podcast. That's exciting. Yeah. What do we literally do with this for the rest? Oh, man, you know what's good. Hadn't thought that far ahead, honestly. Because, of course, we have the worst of Melbourne comedy auditions coming up. That's true.

We have a very easy scorecard right here. Oh, yes. There's... Right. I mean, there's no in between. You're either a zero or a five. You either get five out of ten or 50 out of a million. So I had to drive in, obviously, because of having these.

Right. And I got an amazing car. Damn, I just, I just thought of the idea of you walking five kilometres with that. 5.0 kilometres, thank you. That's why I got, yeah, so, uh, I, um, I got a sweet park out the front of the venue. Oh, fuck, this, this is gonna fuck everyone in this room

up. This, this room is not big enough for this not to fuck the gig. Oh, that's beautiful. No, not on the light. Oh, fuck. This is going to fuck everyone in this room up. This room is not big enough for this not to fuck the gig. Oh, that's beautiful. Not on the light. Don't let them hit the light. No, no, no. I mean, that is one way of making the audience at home appreciate it, if they hear one exploding. This is great. The only position it can sit is directly

behind me. Yeah. Yeah, you may have noticed me moving the chairs before we started and that's definitely by design. Alright, get your pics. Get your pics. Alright. Alright. Get your pictures.

But yeah, they've been in my car outside. I got a great park right out the front of the venue and I was worried. I was like, this cunt's going to see them on the way in. He's going to walk past the Kia Sportage. He's going to see a big 05 on the back seat and he's going to think something's up here. And I'm going to see him and you're going to miss

the big surprise reaction I just had then when I pissed my pants and spewed. Yeah. We're fucking ballistic. Well, but that's not the only gift I got you. I also got you a video I've got to have more birthdays on stage. This is the only time I've ever

got a present from Tommy Dasolo. I also got you a video shout out from your favourite musician that we talked about from before. That we talked about last week. So here we go. Oh my Lord. Are you kidding me?

Hi, Carl. This is a nice surprise. I just want to say thank you for the shout-out. I really love that you love my name. Apologies that I've taken it before you could. Two things, though. Should you have given some context, Tommy? One, I've never been to Yaya's.

Maybe that's something we can all explore together when I'm in Melbourne next. Secondly, definitely not 19. And lastly, I just hope that you have the best birthday ever and I hope to catch you guys soon. It's DJ Fuckhead. Yes. DJ Fuckhead, who I got in touch with on the socials

and said, hey, we got the pod on, because she'd listened to the show and she'd posted about it, and I said, hey, we've got in touch with on the socials and said, hey, we got the pod on, because she'd listened to the show and she'd posted about it, and I said, hey, we got this live show on Saturday and it's Carl's birthday. Could you maybe make a drop or something where you remix happy birthday? And she said, I'm not doing that. But what I will do is video myself saying a happy birthday message

and not say my own name in it. That's what I wanted. A video of an Asian woman talking to me. Saying I'm not 19. Fuck, this is now legal. Yes!

I message her and I'm like, hey, would you be able to do this? I'll throw you some money for it. She writes back, she's like, I'm not doing that. I understood the boomer mentality.'m like this fucking generation they're all fucking lazy why won't you make something for a podcast that has less of an audience that you do that you'll never listen to in your life um so yeah happy birthday your favorite your favorite musician that's it she's she's into it she's she's from sydney yeah yeah and uh she uh she posted clips from last week's episode on her page.

Yep. And boy, I've never felt more old in my life. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, it's been a good birthday, working on my birthday. But my daughter was excited. A little banker was excited about me having a birthday. And she goes, because she's only just had one.

So I said, right, so you're five. How old do you think I am? And she goes, just had one. So I said, right, so you're five. How old do you think I am? And she goes, hmm, 100. And I said, I can't be 100. And she goes, I don't know, you're pretty big. Yeah. Hey, wait, she's five. Yeah.

Do you want to? Oh! She will fucking love that. Great. Yeah. Great. And you, wait, you don't have a second kid, do you? So they're.

Oh, right. Great. There you you don't have a second kid, do you? So they're... Oh, right. Great. There you go. So after tomorrow when it's not your birthday anymore, you can still get some good usage out of those balloons. And if you want 24 more of each of them, I know just the place

to turn to. Beautiful. Wow. Where are they? Where are the others? They're just at my house. Fuck. How's they? Where are the others? They're just at my house. Fuck. How's that going down with the girlfriend? With who, sorry? Oh, sorry. Hey,

I was going to ask about her later. Yeah. Nice try, Carl, but you can't fuck me. I'm off the market. Yeah, I don't know what I'm

going to do with them. I might have to do a ceremonial release of all of them. What did it cost for the whole thing? How much did this joke cost? Oh, look, you can't put a price on the birthday of... I'd much prefer you did. That all comes out on tax, doesn't it?

That's all fun. What else? Tell me how much. Speaking of money. Speaking of money. Speaking of money. I just want to know whether this is coming out of my half of the podcast or not. Making you chip in half for your own present. Speaking of money, we've got to wrap this up.

Another thread from the show recently. Do you want to talk about this now? Oh, is this the time? I thought we'd save that for later. Oh, okay. Let's do it later then. Okay. From later. Oh, okay. Let's do it later then. Okay. From later.

Well, should we get our guests out here? Yeah, why not? Alright, guys, we've got three great guests for you this afternoon. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Will Anderson, Peter Hellyer and Jen Fricker! Yes! Yes! Good news, I'm 50. Yeah!

So this has been a good day for me already. I appreciate it. I chose this seat so I could also... LAUGHTER..soak up a little of this gift to you. This is you two years from now. You're going to be so much more successful. I can't wait to lower myself with some other losers podcast. I know.

Find out why I do do this. Happy birthday, mate. Thank you. My own bag. Is this? Oh, it's... Oh, my God. You shouldn't have.

My own merch. Happy birthday, mate. Amazing. And you've also got... Not my size. How sweet. Thank you. I'm a small.

Thank you. Thank you. Happy birthday, mate. We love you. Thank you, man. That is very nice of you. That was very sweet. I have nothing for you, Carl. Thank you. Thank you. Happy birthday, mate. We love you. Thank you, man. That is very nice of you. That was very sweet. I have nothing for you, Carl.

That's better than this. Just my warmest of wishes. Thank you. Thank you so much. I'll make it even worse, okay? You can have that. No! I just cost you money.

Fuck! We can't be throwing away merch after we spent $300 on these fucking balloons. And you've chucked it to a guy who is

clearly not a small as well. Why did we get smalls made? You have to wonder. You look around, you have to ask yourself why did we bother? Stitch them together for a couple of 7XLs

I think. What's going on Will? You told me... Sorry, this is unusual and I apologise but I've actually brought some content. Normally I'm just here for your nonsense, but... You're just here to watch us put our heads up our own arses, but this week... I'd just like

to come in and check in with how the other half lives again. Keep myself grounded, you know. It's an easy way to do it. I consider it my charity. So... I actually caught a train in today. I'm one of the people as well. And I spoke to a bloke who knew Eric Banner. Yeah. No, Dave O'Neill on the train in today. I'm one of the people as well. Oh, wow. And I spoke to a bloke, Eric Banner.

No, Dave O'Neill on the train as well. Dave was doing his show on the train. Eric Banner's parents own the Just Jeans shop at Airport West. There you go. Man of the people. What podcast is he going to be on? That sounds like a good one. But yeah, Will, every time you drop in on this podcast,

it does feel like a share house where we've got a rental inspection. It's like, oh, the real estate's coming in quick, clean up. He's the podcast landlord. Yeah, he's the podcast landlord. He's coming to check on what we're doing in here. Well, I've brought some content that, like, this gives you an indication. Basically, I have four podcasts and I was like, yeah, even this is not really my stuff. Ah!

The fish that Will Anderson rejects. Well, you know what? You'll enjoy this. No, so... It was just very topical because it was yesterday and it was nearby. It was local, topical and local. Two good ingredients of a comedy story, right? So it's Good Friday yesterday and I am walking through one of the main streets

but there's alleyways off there everywhere because it's Melbourne, there's alleyways and I've looked down one of those alleyways and there is like an absolutely nude fella, like so fucking nude. It was Dave O'Neill. He was doing a gig and a crowd had gathered. He was guessing what the nightclub was in their town. Yeah. It was a great Friday.

So anyway, nude guy. Like, absolutely nude. But this is the thing. Okay, so firstly, it's Melbourne during a festival and it's also Melbourne. It's a Melbourne laneway. Like, maybe this could just be, like, an art thing. Because this guy...

This guy looks good. Like, this is what I've got to say. Wait, what do you mean he looks good? Like, I mean, like, real... You know how, like, hot, sexy, man-powered Jesus? Like, do you know, like... What was he closest to in terms of the people on this stage? What size Dum Dum Club T-shirt is he?

Is he small or is he small? Well, I could see what he was in all his fucking glory because he was, like, so buff and, like, it was like a body that only, like, a really specific gym regimen or, I imagine, probably ice can... All he had to say was he does not listen to this podcast. So he had absolutely no clothes on. He's standing like...

So this alleyway is completely deserted apart from this guy who looks exactly like Jesus. Like naked Jesus. Naked hot Jesus is just standing with his arms out like Jesus. Like this is Good Friday. And like I know I smoke a lot of pot. But like I'm walking by This is Good Friday. And, like, I know I smoke a lot of pot. But, like, I'm walking by and, like, suddenly I'm like,

what is, like, what's happening? Like, is it, like, is it G, like, is this? Let's all go find out. Let's find out. I was like, is it, there is a, maybe it is G. Am I seeing G? Is it? You think he's coming back like the Terminator.

Honestly, that is such a good image for a guy who was not there. You have actually plucked that out of... That is fucking exactly what it was. I need your shoes and your crucifix. Oh, yes, that's what it was. That was Ronny Chieng. It was a real arrive back from the future just then moment. Oh, yes, that's what it was. That was Ronnie Chang. Yeah. It was a real arrive back from the future just then moment. Like it was Jesus from the future.

It was super Jesus, not the band. Sorry. I like that reference. But like, so a nude dude. And then I was like, is this maybe? Okay. Has anyone ever had that thought where you're just like, well, maybe, you know, there was a time. But are you going to say, has anyone had that thought? Oh, I wonder what Jesus' dick looks like.

Yeah. I can tell you. The amount of time it's taken to tell this story, I'm imagining this is real time where at this point, you've just been standing there looking at this naked man for like seven minutes just glaring at him. What's the riff I can do off the back of this guy's dick? Were either of you masturbating? We're all thinking he might have been masturbating, but I'm thinking you

might have been masturbating. Who was the weird person in this story? Yeah, you didn't mention if you're wearing clothes or not. He's probably doing a podcast right now going, Will Anderson was looking at me the other day. Yeah, yeah. He kept looking at my dick and

praying. It was really weird. I'm glad you asked. I am absolutely glad you asked because otherwise I would have had to bring it up myself because I walked by and walked by quickly because I didn't really like the first time past

I wasn't really The first time? Okay. The first time you walked past a nude man? Were you doing laps?

Not laps back and forth. Laps implies going around the block and doing it again. Like I was going back and forth because the first time I went by... You have like four TV shows. What are you doing laps of the block in the CBD?

I've also got a lot of free time. I'm here. I've got time for this. I've got time for this I've got time for check it if it was Jesus is the groin transfer the description of the blood going from the rest of the body to your dick

is that is that what it is that's the groin transfer I mean it's literally in front of your car thanks for fixing that one up I know, seriously. So how does it feel the other way around?

So, first time past, I barely clocked him, but clocked him enough to know that he was a naked guy and that on first glance he looked like he was quite a hot guy. And then and only then it occurred to me that it was Good Friday and it might be Jesus. So at that point I thought, you know what? Ordinarily, I'd walk on by from a naked guy in an alleyway. That's not a situation that I think I should get closer.

That'll make things better. So now you're blaming this weird thing you did on religion. Is that what's going on? I mean, sure. Why not? If you want. I'm just saying, it's Good Friday. This is topical material it's good friday there's a guy who looks like a naked jesus back from the future he's arrived in a melbourne alleyway why wouldn't you you advertise tourism everywhere about those fucking alleyways

so i'm sure jesus is like where's the no watched you there so that's it too far far. Yeah. So I went back. So I went back once. And then, of course, once I've gone back once, then, like, yeah, I had to go back the third time because otherwise I would have been going back away from the direction I was going in the first time. Oh, yes, yes. Were you filming in Portugal landscape? 4K. Yeah.

How wide a lens it's good to know people would probably see you on the street and go up and go I wonder if I should say hello now all I need to do is take their clothes off and you come to them so this story is not quite over but

because I went back so I walked back slowly the second time. Oh, you slowed it down just to make it not weird. Right. Okay. There was no one around. So why am I rushing on by? I've committed to having a look.

It's not like you just pop into the Louvre and then just go, ooh, the Mona Lisa and shut your fucking eyes. I just saw 55 Minutes Into the future and it's Will going, so then I'm walking past for the 87th time. I mean, honestly, I would have kept walking past until something happened because nothing happened. He was just standing there and I walked by very slowly

and, like, nothing happened. He was still standing there. Were you trying to make him get an erection, just sort of walking by and winking? Yeah, were you going, waving a handkerchief? Wiggling your little bottom at him? I mean, I understand,

but it's actually the role of the documentarian not to get involved in the narrative. Sorry, Mr Theroux. I can't suddenly start influencing it. You didn't want to step on a butterfly in case all of his clothes jumped back on him. That's right. The comedic butterfly effect. Yeah, so anyway, but I did want to see what was going on.

Because now I got a little like, well, you've introduced the mystery of the naked guy. I mean, I should at least, you know, man. I mean, if it is Jesus back from the future, then, like, everyone needs, like, a disciple. Like, first man on the floor, right? Like, this is a real Doctor Who assistant fucking scenario. Like, you know what I mean? Often they just pick up the first person who they happen upon to explain the times to them.

I'm an observer of the times. Overqualified for the role, some might say. You, you're the original to them. I'm an observer of the times. Overqualified for the role, some might say. You're the original odd couple. Some come with no clothes on, some come with clothes on. That's good. So wait, are you launching a podcast with this guy? I mean, actually, that's not a bad idea.

It's a good market, that religious market. Tap into that. Anyway, whatever. So I had to go back a third time, that religious market, you know. Tap into that. Anyway, whatever. So I had to go back a third time. So third time, yeah, I did want to see something happen and I was disappointed that something didn't happen and I had to move on.

And honestly, if other people hadn't come along, I probably would still be there. But until something happened. But other people came along and I lingered just long enough for them to walk by so I could observe from a slight distance away what their reaction to it was. So now I couldn't see what was going on. I could only see their faces. And as they went by, I did stay for about five minutes to see various people go, woo.

Did anyone else except for you do laps? They all went straight by. Often sped up. No one went back for a second look. I'm feeling good about this guy winning the Barry, honestly. He's got good early buzz out of the gates. Night two, he's having Will Anderson come in and talk him up around town. It feels very 2014 festival.

Remember? Everyone just was getting their dick out on stage. Yeah, there was a year there where everyone was ending their show. What did spoil that? Let's bring her back! Mine's golden, looks like a five. Well, Pete, I wanted to let you know, just before the show started, I got a text message from a friend of the show, Tom Ballard,

who told me that he said, last night I threw in a genuine from before in my show. He did. And he said it felt fucking great. So it's spreading. It's a beautiful feeling. I would say, Pete, great to have you here because you are such a committed guest to this show.

I was here at 4.30 yesterday, and you turned up. And it was truly a from before. Wow. And we had a great rehearsal. Yeah, yeah. We all did a make-up. You must have been doing something else. He had his hand full.

I did walk in And they looked at me kind of strangely upstairs Is the podcast downstairs or upstairs? And I said You did walk down with the look of Wow, your podcast has lost a lot of listeners There was no one here Each step I just realised what the fuck was going on

And yes, one day early. And then I heard Will walk past three times just to see you. Just kind of staring at the blank audience being like, when do I begin? And what did you overhear on the train yesterday on the way in? I did get a train in. I'm a train guy.

And I didn't have any conversations on the train yesterday. I had my headphones on. To be honest, when the guy started speaking to me, I wasn't a train in. I'm a train guy. And I didn't have any conversations on the train yesterday. I had my headphones on. So, yeah. To be honest, when the guy started speaking to me, I wasn't happy about it. But then I relaxed into the conversation and I found out now that the banners ran just jeans at Airport West. We did our last live show. It was in Adelaide. When we were over there, I went to a gig and it was with...

Brett Blake was emceeing and it was a gig where... So Brett Blake's a single man, we know that now. And at the... Why is that funny? This podcast sometimes is like Gossip Girl. Just dragging everyone's personal life into your little... I mean, he's been single now for three hours. I think it's time.

And we're at the gig, and there was a bunch of attractive young ladies there, and they started talking to him, and it's like, great. So I was sitting there thinking, you know what, I'm going to be his wingman here. I'm just going to hang out. I'll help him out. I'll help him out.'ll help him out so I was just sitting there

and they weren't they had no interest in me obviously but I was just sitting there and just going I'll just hang out there and sort of make it okay that he's talking

to three girls or whatever so then he was talking to him for way too long and I'm like oh fucking hell God close the deal fucking do something so then I went for a walk

to talk to like the what a wingman fucking wrap it up please go on and do something. So then I went for a walk to talk to like the... What a wingman. Fucking wrap it up, please. Go on. The wingman, but it's one of those diseased pigeons that you see that's trapped in a food court

just like hopping around on one leg. Suck him off or fuck off. Come on. Come on. So I was there for a while and I was like pretty pissed by this point.

So I'm like, ah, come on, you know, whatever. So then I... Another great detail. Yeah. We spoke too soon, boys. So I go for a walk and start talking to the bar manager, and then I'm talking to him, and then I come back,

and, like, Blakey's gone, but then those girls are then talking to another comedian that we know, Lewis Garnham. So then I think, you know what? I'm moving on my wingman job. Yeah, here we go. Yep. To this guy, and I'm just going to hang out with him. So I just sat next to Lewis and sat there.

Hang on, but all three girls are still at the bar, which proves your wingman does not work. Yeah. Like, literally them being there is the proof that that's... Well, no, it's because I walked away. It's because I walked away. No, it's not I walked away. It's because I walked away. No, it's not. So anyway.

Wait, wait, wait. Time for hit... Sorry. No, no, I was just going to say, what are you bringing in terms of wingman vibe? Well, if there's just a guy... You're sitting there, but what are you doing? I kind of...

Look, I'm not saying I'm the best wingman. Yeah. It's got to be more than just being in the room. I kind of, until now, thought it was. It's got to be more than just being a man. It's got to be more than just being in the room. I kind of, until now, thought it was. It's got to be more than just being a man. Even that's a bit of a stretch. So I was just like, he doesn't want to be the only guy in the room.

Just like some loser waiting, hopefully talking to girls or whatever. What a fucking loser talking to three girls. What a fucking virgin. Hey, I was talking to three girls. What a fucking virgin. Hey, I was talking to the manager. That's pretty big deal. So the manager of a tiny Adelaide pub. So I go, you know what, I'm just going to sit there.

I'm going to be the guy sitting next to Lewis as he talks to these girls. So then I'm just sitting there literally. He's facing that way, talking to them. I'm sitting here. 10, 15 minutes goes by. And then I go, fuck, you know what? I don't really know Lewis that well. Why am I fucking spending my night, one night in Adelaide where I could be doing, well,

nothing. But I'm sitting there for 15 minutes. I'm going, fuck, I could go back and see my other mates, like people I actually know probably. And I'm sitting there. And then I'm going fuck I could go back and see my other mates like people I actually know probably and I'm sitting there and then I go you know what I'm going to just say to Lewis sorry I've been here 20 minutes helping you out it's time for Hitch to hit the road I'm giving up on this

there's a city full of women that are ready to be repulsed by me I need to get out there and hit the streets. So I turn to him and go to say, sorry, Lewis, I'm going to leave now. And I turn to him, and that's not Lewis Garnham. That's just another person I don't know. So I've been sitting next to a complete random,

talking to three other complete randoms, thinking I'm helping them out for nearly half an hour. And you know what as well? Those women might think they're wingmanning the man that you're trying to wingman. They're wingmanning me talking to the manager. Yes, because from their perspective you're, I mean you are the

weird one, but you're also the weirder one. Because you're the one that regardless of who else is there, you're there. Yeah. He was doing well with these three girls and I just come up and sat right next to him and like, so I put him away and called. It really speaks volumes

about what a nice, polite city Adelaide is. Like, if you tried that here, any one of those four people would have gone, man, can you fuck off? Man, there was no one else in the pub. There was like, three girls, one guy, and I just walked up and sat next to them. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

He probably did. Honestly, your social... It's like a superpower, like a reverse superpower. How do you find that in any situation? I don't. I was quite drunk. I'm probably waiting for you to fuck off so they can have a foursome. Yeah.

Oh! Yeah. That's, I mean, I don't know whether I should say it, but let's say it. No, I mean, you're opening up everyone's journey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, so apparently what happened, I found Blakey after that. We can cut this out maybe later. I don't know if I'm supposed to say it.

We. I mean, imagine what this is if Carl's saying that. So apparently Blakey left because he was talking to the girls and they were getting along fine. And they're like, do you want to come back to mine? And Blakey's like, oh, okay. And then they're like, yeah, come back and meet the other guys that we're in a relationship with.

And, you know, we can all fuck. And he's like, I've got to go to the Rhino Room and go somewhere else. That's very Fringe Festival though. That does feel like on brand. To just like get into a polycule or some shit. It's a shame I left so early. I could have been part of something special.

You could have been really stinking up the vibe at the show Four people going at it and me sitting next to them I think I think he's into you Oh no, so I'm going to say he's definitely into you No, I can

physically into him Sorry, I spoke too soon He is in you. The weird thing is that everyone's just 10% more attractive compared to Carl. On his 50th birthday too. Come on, Will. Where's your wife? So.

Oh, wow. XOXO, gossip cunt. Fucking hell, Dumois's gotten angry. He fucked Jesus yesterday. He's doing okay. He's doing okay. He told me she'll be back I was at a wine bar a couple of weeks ago

right with my wife this is all Grand Hog Day right of 21 years whatever oh the champ the champ is here the champ is here and 21 years, whatever. Oh, the champ.

The champ is here. The champ is here. And 21 years, two to go. And we're having a lovely wine post-service, or Groundhog Day, and having a nice little wine. And a lady comes over to us and she says, do you mind if I join you? I've come here by myself and I've got no one to chat to.

Can I join you? And I looked at my wife and I said, we're having a night out without the kids. My kids are 21, 19, 15. Unless you've got great Eric Banner stories, I don't want to know about. So I said, if you don't mind, we're just having a good night out to ourselves. And she walked away.

And my wife said, that was weird. And I think, do you think she wanted a threesome? And we convinced ourselves. Well, what did she want? We convinced ourselves that we were a hot couple in a wine bar. And a lady came over and asked for a threesome. And then she left. And then the manager came over and said, oh, that woman didn't pay.

And we just realised that she'd stolen a few wallets as well while she was here. I said, yeah, but did you want a threesome? That's not all she's stolen. My heart. Shall we do this? We've been talking about where the Coastal Movie International Podcast Festival is fast approaching, and we've been chasing a sponsor for it. And we've been talking about the possibilities of who was going to add their name to the prestigious

what-the-fuck-we-do over there. And the nominations were, and I know you're a big listener of the pod piece, I'll just repeat. I haven't listened to the last 200 episodes. No spoilers. Well, I'm married and Tommy's gay. So, uh...

Only because you winged man me, though. You insisted on holding my hand in it when I'm willing. That's my new character, gay porky pig. Well, where, well, where, well, where, well, where, well, where, where, where, where, where, where I'm willing to. Well, well, well, well, well, I'm gay, where, well, where, where, where, where, where on Wellington? Well, well, well, well, well, I'm gay, folks. It was such a pity because yesterday during the rehearsal you nailed that line. That was really, really... I had one good one in me and I used it up.

So we had three very strong contenders. We had a girl that has an OnlyFans account that wanted to sponsor the podcast festival. A girl that has an OnlyFans account that wanted to sponsor the podcast festival. We had the official anal sex in Australia promotions company. They're good guys. They're good guys. I nearly saw some of their work in Adelaide. But what we've decided, what the listeners decided,

we want to say that the official sponsors of the Coastal Mooie International Podcast Festival, and the owner is in the room right now, Brad, the owner of the bar in Fitzroy, Creatures of Habit Bar and Band Room, the official sponsors of the Coastal Mooie International Podcast Festival. People applauding someone who's won the opportunity to give us money. Yes, yes, yes. The Creases of Habit in Brunswick Street, Fitzroy.

If you want to... And don't... Stop ringing me. So... I know I've got to put this thing on airplane mode. Fuck. Done. Good luck, cunts. So... Someone in the crowd is like,

I'm sitting next to a hot girl I need you to get in here and wingman me I think she's trying to fuck me I want her to go away get in here Mortine you're so good with the sponsors Carl

you really are you go thanks for coming on board fuck off cunts thank you thank you. So, Creatures of Habit, Bar and Band Room, Brunswick Street, Fitzroy.

Let's do our first official ad read for it. Sure. To make you guys want to come down. Creatures of Habit, come visit a distinct inner Fitzroy hipster environment just before its vibe is completely destroyed by 120 kilo cunts saying that the beer they serve there is not as good as their fucking home brew. So it's also the very closest bar in Fitzroy to where a friend of the show Tommy Daslow lives.

So if you've ever wanted to find out where Tommy's house is, have a beer at Creatures of Habit. Then when you walk out the door, follow the stench of hentai and sperm. It's the same stench, you fuckhead. Can't have one without the other. So go see Brad

at Creatures of Habit bar in Bandroom 319 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy. Say the discount code I have a gun in my pocket give me everything in the till

for 5% off a pint. So, yes, give it up for Creatures pint. So, yes. Give it up for Creatures of Habit, guys. So now we have to think of new ad reads for this bar every week from now until we go to Samui. I guess you guys would be the Creatures of Habit by then. I'm going to kill myself.

What was that last bit? I didn't hear that last bit. Yeah, exciting. All right. Yeah, yeah. It's your local now, so there's no excuse for you not to go there. Yeah. How are you feeling, Brad?

Are you pumped? I'm fucking pumped. Oh, front row. Jesus Christ. Give the small T-shirt to him. How did I not guess that it was you, honestly? The guy in the leopard print hat is the guy that owns a bar? No.

In Fitzroy. Never would have thought. I won't pass you so often in Fitzroy. It's hilarious. Is your hat made out of your dress? No. I mean, it does look exactly the same. It's the same.

Do you know each other? Bullshit! And his hat matches your dress like you're in a two-person... What? No. Not quite. Don't try and write me into this. Stop wingmanning me.

It looks like you took her hat off her at the last minute. As a full outfit. Oh my God. Are you happy with that ad read? What's the live feedback? Is there any notes? Yeah. The hentai sperm that's hitting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, that fits in with the bar vibe. We can go as weird as that every week. Is that cool? Yes. Okay, great, great. Okay, thanks, that fits in with the bar vibe. We can go as, you know, as weird as that every week. Is that cool? Okay, great, great. Okay, thanks, boss. And now, look, we really should get on to this.

We have another thing that people are, that we've promised for weeks and weeks, and you guys have showed absolutely no attention for. But we had, I don't know if you know about this, Pete, but there is a massive gig happening next week in the part of the Melbourne International Podcast Festival. You've probably seen billboards for it all around. A gig called The Worst of Melbourne Comedy.

And it's happening at Spleen Bar Wednesday night at 9.30. And we really needed to find the... You know, to fill up the name, Worst of Melbourne Comedy. We need to find the worst of Melbourne Comedy. We need to have an audition. We don't know who's around. We're going to too many good gigs. Present company excluded.

Yeah. We needed to find the worst couple of open micers in Melbourne and we thought, fuck, we're already hosting the show. We need more people. So,

we put the shout out out. We need some auditions tonight. We are literally going to have a couple of people doing stand up somehow on this stage. Now, before we get into this, is this bullying? No,

because we have booked people for a sold out show. We're not telling them to be bad. They do their best. That's good. If they come out here and they're amazing, good. Yeah. You know what? It's not bullying.

If they don't laugh, they're the bullies. I don't know. But if they're laughing, doesn't that mean that the comedy is too good to be the worst of Melbourne comedy? Yes. Yes. So it's not...

Yeah, that's my insurance. Yeah. Will, you're really wingmanning this bit right now. And I think your fears about this being bullying are going to be alleviated once you hear our theme music. Hit it, Josh. Pump it, Josh. Pump it. Please welcome to the stage, guys, our first act.

He's a listener of the show. He wants to be part of this. Welcome to the stage, guys, our first act. He's a listener of the show. He wants to be part of this. Welcome to the stage, Tristan Hayes. Trish, wait for the... Yeah, keep playing the music. Yeah. How long did that take you to make? Stop interrupting, Tristan. When you consider the fact that the universe contains billions and billions of galaxies, each one of which comprises literally over hundreds and hundreds of stars, The fact that I've been accused of multiple sexual impropriety becomes almost insignificant.

Keep going. Just one note. Keep it quieter. Whoa, Black Betty, bam-a-lam, the name's Pamela. Pamela-an. Pamela-y-an. That's much better.

He's back on track. He's back on track. That was Pamela-an. It's good to be here tonight on the electric cucumber. Feeling ready to drop some creams, drop some fatties. I'm talking about jokes, of course. No, it's good to be on stage again so soon, actually.

I just got done giving a big Ted talk. Little Ted and Jemima were also present. That's very worse of Melbourne comedy vibes. I like it. Yeah, it was mainly directed at Big Ted. People use the expression resting bitch face. Well, me, I've actually got bitch and rest face. I look rad when I sleep.

This is better than your shit. It's getting too good. You told me on Facebook you were shit. He's actually pretty good. It's time we took the word edible back from the stoner crowd, don't you think? Oh, he's lost me.

There's plenty of stuff you can eat. It gives you energy, focus, and no nasty high. Boo. The great tragedy of my life Is that Margaret Pomerantz I like this topical stuff He's just sucking up to me now She looks a lot more like a Maltese dog

Than A Pomeranian one This is a fucking stitch-up. I don't like this. I just find that tantalising. Start going worse! Alright, here's an... This will go badly.

Here's an impression of a snarky film critic who can't quite make his point land. Oh yeah, it was an Oscar winning performance. Oscar the Grouch, that is. He's back. He's back. Back to back movie reviewer gags. I like it.

I see what he's done. What have you got about John Michael Housen? You guys remember John Candy? Oh yeah I mean This guy is your era More like John Lollies

Again Fine Where has this guy been? This This guy rules Let's execute him I can't wait to book this guy And get him to play to a normal audience And he'll fucking bomb This guy rules, let's execute him. I can't wait to book this guy and get him to play to a normal audience and he'll fucking bomb.

Mate, as soon as we get him in some pyjamas... But also, if he had a British accent, he'd be on the gala. Oh, yeah. That's where to go. Yep, you're right. He'd be on the fucking gala. You're dead right. Yeah.

I love when dogs come up to me at the park It's so flattering, right? What I don't like so much is when I go up to them What do I want with these dogs? How many more you got? I go all day. No, don't do that. One more, because we've got another contestant here. One more, one more.

A little something about me. Well, I'm kind of like a cross between my mum and my dad. Another fact, though, about me, just to get to know me a bit better, right, is that I actually like big butts. And I can also lie. Oh, wow. Best of both worlds.

Huge bums combined with deception. Tristan Hayes, everyone! Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Was that a... Hasn't this just backfired in your face? Unfortunately, he hosts the podcast. Will, was that as good or better

as what you saw him do in the alleyway yesterday? Had a similar vibe. He had much different material. I like how Will went from, is this bullying? To then a minute later, boo! I'm a rollercoaster, that's who I am. People understand by now.

I changed my opinion on a whim. I don't know. These guys are a hot crowd, so it's hard to tell whether he's really good or they're just laughing on purpose so that I book him and then he bombs at my other gig. And that just fucks me up. I can't wait to see if John Lollies works anywhere else.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, man. I like John Lollies. I like them. It's not often I've said, no, you're too good for my gig. I don't know I don't know what do we think

is he I don't think he's the worst of Melbourne comedy no way no that's that's a fine set yeah

that was decent that was real decent I liked it there was some real good jokes that had like an Australian kind of Mitch Hedberg

sort of like weird vibe about I really thought he was actually quite talented. He's handsome, you know, he's got quite a cool kind of surfy, it's like, what if Keanu Reeves did stand up?

Tristan, put this on your poster right now. Well, you know, we're recording this and we put it out, so this is kind of like his first special. Yeah, yeah. Well, we've, we're recording this and we put it out, so this is kind of like his first special. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, we've got a second person.

We've got a second person, number two. Now, this is... Yeah. So, because we put it out in the pod, Tristan listens apparently, so he knew about it, whatever. But then we didn't have enough people, so I put it out into a forum on Facebook of comedy of people that probably weren't aware completely of this gig.

But, hey, I gave them their heads up. Here's the message. In answer to your question, Will, now it is. I honestly thought we got away with it. Attention, comics. Are you a six out of ten at best? Had a gig lately when no one looked you in the eye in the green room afterwards?

Then we want to hear from you We've got a showcase on Saturday afternoon in the city and we've overbooked it with too many good comics We need to mix up the line up a little bit and if you think you've got a pretty fucking average 5 minutes in you, there is a paid spot for you You'll be getting feedback from industry experts afterwards

Oh, you've roped us into this shit? We've got the bloke from the Maxabon ad, a guy who used to be on John Live from before, and Aldi Jackie O. Not to mention two other comedians who are probably worse than you Hit us up and you could be getting paid to bomb

Hey, you've already seen one good one What are you worried about? It's raised the stakes There's a bit more tension in the room But again, the onus is on these guys to laugh not on us mistakes. There does seem, there's a bit more tension in the room. Yeah. But again, the onus is on these guys to laugh, not on us. I have just booked a comedian to do a gig in front of

a full house and I'm paying him. I'm the good guy. The rest of it relies on you. You are Trump. It's not my fault if he bombs folks. If he goes badly, that's on you. You are Trump. It's not my fault if he bombs folks. If he goes badly, that's on you.

I've made the greatest audience in the world. I've never seen a better audience. Up to you. I'm going to be sitting here laughing at whatever this young man has to say. So what you do is up to you. Fuck, you're a psycho.

Now I really wish I'd have asked how to pronounce his name. So, it's Dave Hughes. All right, all right. We'd better get... Guys, round of applause for your next contestant. Let's go. Welcome to the stage, Abhishek Mishra. Pretty fucking good.

Oops, they're both better than you. You invited them into the house. This is more of Carl's great wingman-y. I had only written 50 seconds, but because you guys are laughing so much, I feel like I have a three minute now. You know? Alright, so I've been really bored in life.

I'm just really, really bored. So I started going places that I wouldn't normally go to. Like I was at the bank the other day. But not that one. Not the one you're thinking of. Not that one. The one where you donate sperm, obviously. So I'm at the bank, and I walk up to the reception. It's a very legit, like a legit sperm bank. It wasn't just like any, like, you know, on the street.

You know, like it was a proper one in Fitzroy or whatever. Oh, was Jesus there? Yeah. Was it near creatures of habit band and bar room? Whatever they're saying, I agree with all of them. You know? I got to land some good gigs. I got to agree with these guys.

Anyway, so I walk up to the reception, right? And then there's this lady and then she asks me, what is the purpose of your visit? At a sperm bank. I'm like, what are my options? And then she goes, well, you could either donate a sample or you can purchase

some. And I'm like, do what with it exactly? And then she goes, well, anything your heart desires, really. I'm like, do what with it exactly? And then she goes, well, anything your heart desires, really. I'm like, let's not go there. All right, let's not go there. And by the way, I looked it up. The place is open Monday to Friday from 9 to 5.

Who the fuck is buying cum in the middle of the day? I told you, I'm the good guy. I made him. There's some logical inconsistencies. Stop interrupting my act. That's right, stop interrupting my act. Fuck, he's got a catchphrase. Comedian destroys heckler.

I do have a catchphrase, by the way. It's called, who's going to curry the boats? That's my catchphrase. You're not David Goggins? Okay, so, all right. It's not popular yet, but that's my catchphrase. I don't know. Who's going to carry the boats? It's me. Who's going to carry the

boats? Not carry the boats, because I'm Indian. That's why it's carry the boats. Who's going to carry the boats? The boats. Carrying a boat. Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense. And that's why I'm really hoping it catches on someday, you know?

I know it really does. You're overlooking half of the word catchphrase. Catch. Okay, I'll come up with a better one. Well, you couldn't find a worse one. Where was I in my story my story yeah who the fuck is buying cum in the middle of the day from before you know so i'm like and how do i even order it by the because i'm standing at the reception but they don't have like a menu with like prices

written on it you know so i'm like do i like go into like a, like do I go, is there a fridge where I walk in, I look and like pick up a slab or whatever? Like, I don't know. We're doing this every week. I mean, this is good stuff. Yeah. This is good shit. Slab of frozen cum.

Yeah. That's good. That's good. I'm putting out the slab and the cashier's like, really, bro, a slab? And then I'm like, you know, the long weekend's coming. I don't know. That'll do it.

That's good. Finish. Or do they deliver it? Because if they deliver it, I don't want to miss that parcel. I don't want to go to the Australia Post fucking store in my suburb to pick up that fucking slab.

Come on. That's great. But can I talk on my own podcast? No. You made this happen, remember? Shut the fuck up, Carl. He's my favourite comedian. Let him talk.

I want to hear more about the slab of cum. I didn't know you could get stickier feet on stage than Dave Thornton, but here we are. Well, you know what made those feet so sticky? That slab of cum. Give a round of applause to Abhishek Mishra. Both great. I was wrong.

This is only bullying of you. Thank you. I'm discovering new talent out there. Unlike some millionaires just fucking looking after themselves. I'm picturing getting a look at his set list in his little notebook and it just says, come. He's like, all right, time to hit the stage.

I've been too scared to do this to normal audiences, but these cunts will fucking literally lick it up. Honestly, I was watching that and I'm like, I've seen worse raw comedy sets. I've done worse. Well, this has been a fucking, you know, we're two down and they've both been great. Yeah. Well, luckily

we still have one more. This is the guy I found. I'll see if he's up there. So we still got one left. I see. The one way you can guarantee it going badly. We've done pretty well. Hopefully we have someone.

Well, what we did was we actually sort of, those guys we didn't know. So then we literally like Googled who could be worse, who's the worst. We Googled it, worst of Melbourne comedy. The worst. We typed it in and then put Shazam up to the computer and then this turned up. Shazam?

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So we've got, we weren't sure about those two, but this. Shazam. Yeah, yeah. Okay. So we've got, we weren't sure about those two but this is a sure thing. Yeah, yeah. This is an absolute sure thing. We know something's

going to be very bad. So, are we ready? Yeah. Yes? No? I mean, he's not asking us,

the audience, he's asking whoever's responsible for this elaborate bit. Tommy, Tommy, have you found him yet? Tommy's gone off and started another podcast with those guys.

Yeah, yeah. The little great, great club. Clark, have you found Superman yet? He's ready? Oh, did you find him? Great. Please, guys, our last contestant, worst of Melbourne comedy auditions,

please welcome to the stage Nick Capa! Nick Capa! G'day. Some of you have probably heard me describe myself as Australia's number one agricultural comedian and thought, what does that mean? Well, my comedy is like fertilizer. Complete shit. John Lolly. From before.

Bring him back! Bring him back! Recently I was on an ad for dick pills and I got the role because my comedy is a lot like a flaccid penis. Repugnant and unsatisfying. Finally, something shit. Just editing on the fly here. One day they are going to play this podcast, they're anthropologists.

Like the dysfunctional relationship you have with Nick Caffer. Where literally you do this to him but also elect him as the only person in the comedy hall of fame. I love going out into nature and camping. It's great to get out of the city and be somewhere that's completely serene and quiet. The only other place I can experience that is during one of my gigs.

I'm back. That's good. I'm back. That's good. Speaking of Brett Blake, I'm currently... I'm currently up the road performing in our show Brew Dudes. It's a comedy show where we give out free beer and encourage the audience to get really drunk.

It's a nice change of pace to do a show where my audience is spewing because of something other than the smell. Anyway, guys, now it's time for me to do the big bit that you all came here to see. Pizza doggy. Give me that pizza yeah it's the bit that makes the audience

want to make like a pizza and stick their heads in the oven alright everyone thanks for listening I've been Gab Rossi see you next time Nick

Nick Kappa everyone Nick Kappa how did he go sorry I had to go to the toilet. I missed it. That's amazing. We finally found someone to book for Wednesday night, Worst in Melbourne Comedy.

Great. Other people? Yeah, it was planned that way, obviously, to be really bad. I mean, I would love to go to Worst in Melbourne Comedy and it's just Tommy doing eight different characters. Or other comedians. Well, there's three days between now and then, so that's just enough time to not do it properly

and then have a great gig on Wednesday night. I mean, literally an hour and a half ago, that was Tommy Daslow running down to Target to buy that shirt and then a texter to write that on it. He hasn't even taken the tag off the fucking shirt yet. No, I'm going to return it. Because I'd already gotten up early to go and buy a shirt and a texter and so I do have another one of these at home.

If anyone would like that along with the 48 other balloons that are also in there. This is a size small, don't worry about it. All right. Well, I don't know if we got to the bottom of that fucking query, but who fucking cares? As we say here at the end of every episode, that'll do. Give it up for our guests tonight.

Will Anderson. Peter Hallier. Jen Bricker. They all have comedy festival shows in Melbourne. Go and see them. They're the best.

See you, mate. And until next time, see you, mates. John Lolley. Something else. And they've done it again. They have. You're right. That's a hot live ep. Tommy Das've done it again. They have.

You're right. It's a hot live ep. Tommy Daslow. Good shit. New sponsor. Just walk past them actually on the way to your house.

Yep. So that is very close to your house. Did you go in? It was not open. Oh, okay. Yes. I did have a look though.

And of course Worst of Melbourne Comedy. What a lovely preview for what's to come. Well, not really. A very inaccurate preview of what's to come well not really a very inaccurate preview yeah exactly potentially to come yeah man

I would say it's so funny in the room everyone being so nervous for him and everyone being like fucking what a cunt he's going to make him

bomb up here it's like nah mate it's up to you to laugh at him it's up to you and then they get up there and fucking storm it

and genuinely those people and you know I paid them and then one of them sent me a message going thank you so much that was the best ski i've ever done in my life and probably ever will yeah he was pumped also to find out that this was going out as a podcast yes and uh i did like his long bit about the uh his entire set seems to be about the sperm bank yes and the longer the bit goes on it seems like he has less and less of an understanding

of what the sperm bank actually is. He seems to think it's like a restaurant where you just go in and order some sperm that they bring straight out to you. Yeah, I didn't really follow the logic of it, but I was enjoying it. Yeah. Oh, just hearing a man talk about sperm for a very long time.

And also he... um i mean you must be you must be wrapped for the first time to have uh to have run a gig with no women on it where no one's going to be complaining about that no one's going to be messaging you being like why didn't you have more women on this worst of melbourne comedy audition hey there's no there's the worst of melbourne comedy coming up there's you can't say there's no women on it because it hasn't been fucking booked properly yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There could be still plenty of them on it. But, you know, no one's going to be mad

about the gender imbalance of that little bit we did. No one's going to be mad about that. No one's going to go, why didn't you get a woman up there who you think is bad and talk over the top of her? Well, you know, I wish I had because, you know, I feel like that was a bit of a switcheroo.

We got some people who were too confident at comedy. Yeah. It was good. Just incompetent enough to have a bit of fun with it. I mean, look, bad for the whole kind of MO of the gig of the worst of Melbourne comedy and the mission statement and everything, but ultimately better for the podcast. Also, it's not like they were fucking geniuses. It was all right.

It was a bit of up and down. It was good. Yeah, yeah. But you know what's funny? I was thinking when I left, this really made me laugh, when the first guy was, like, doing really well and then he said something that landed a bit flat and Haley goes, he's back.

I was thinking about that every time I was on the way and I was like, I think that was my favourite moment of the day. That really got me. And I liked before because, like, I think that was my favorite moment of the day. That really got me. And I liked before because like from before, so the two guests that we didn't know, the first one was a guy that listens to the pod. So he was aware of what was going to sort of go on. And then the second guy had no idea.

And we were talking and you were like, and I said that to you and you go, so you've told him it was going to be recorded. And I like no not yet and so then when he walked in and then you're there listening to me having to explain to him and go listen here's the deal i hated that yeah i hated i hated observing this interaction it was great i loved it yeah because i go here's the deal i told you all it was like a bad comedy audition yeah i didn't tell you was this what we this is a live podcast you're going to be a bit in the middle yep it's an audition for another for this other worst of melbourne comedy gig and it's a full house and yeah and i'm not making you do anything you don't want to do if you want to do it do it if you don't don't however you go i'm

not telling you to do bad comedy i'm just telling you to do a gig yeah and that's that that's what's gonna happen today so then he goes so if i do really well i've killed at a full comedy club but if i do bad i still get another gig this sounds great like i love this yeah this guy is so positive have either of these guys followed up with you and been like hey so about that how did I go about that

yeah the second guy the second guy hit me up both of them said thank you so much that was so great yep but the second guy said

if you need me to come back and do that set again another podcast why don't we just have him every week he does a residency I think we should I think we should.

I think we should. Imagine having to sit and tell our guests, now, by the way, we're not really going to set it up because we've sort of moved beyond it, but we did make an agreement with this guy that he's going to come back and do the same gig for us every week. Should we do it? Maybe we give it a few weeks and get him back to do the same set. Fuck.

I do like the idea that we have him every week. Imagine if that becomes the podcast yeah five minutes material yeah but guests get to riff off the back of that same five minutes well it's like guys podcast where he watches the same movie every week we have the same person do the same set of comedy every week yes yes the worst of melbourne comedy of all time yes all right yeah i'm pretty i'm pretty into that yeah all right maybe we should maybe we should of Melbourne comedy of all time. Yes. All right. Yeah, I'm pretty into that. Yeah, all right.

Maybe we should. Maybe we should. He asked for it. He asked me for it. As we always say, it's like, you know, having a little bit where you get near the end

and you go, we got this little, we get to hit the NOS boosters for the last 10 minutes. This kind of get, you know, this is our little send off. It's like riffing up a storm, checking the watch 45 minutes down.

All right, get him out and then time to clock off and go home. Heaven. This would be amazing to get him to do it the same bit every week. Every week. Every week. I think we either – I don't like the idea that we just do it once more. I think it's either going to be we don't do it again or we do it every week. There's no middle ground as far as I'm concerned.

One more time is not funny enough. A little treat for the season pass holders. Well, we get to notice how he's refined it. We can listen back to the recording from this week and just sort of be in my head and be like, now you've changed that little bit there. It'd be nice to see if he does. All right, I'm in.

I'm in. Hit him up. I'm in. Hit him up. I'm in. Get him in. Let's get him in. Oh, good Lord. Great, awesome. Well, speaking of getting in, you can get into our Patreon.

It becomes like we become like John Live, like Rove Live. There's a bit of a showy. You don't see live stand-up on TV anymore. There's no platform to come and do five minutes somewhere on a broadcasted medium. We're the new platform. Right, but only for one person. Only for one guy, yeah. And people were like, why doesn't Rove have a stand-up every week? It's like, well, it would have been a lot more annoying

if he had have had it every week, but it was the same person. And I'm thinking about... Also, by the way, let's confirm, he's going to be on our podcast every week, and never be on the Worst of Melbourne Comedy. Oh yeah, great. way, let's confirm, he's going to be on our podcast every week. Yes. And never be on the Worst of Melbourne Comedy. Oh, yeah, great. Yeah, sure.

I'm just thinking about who we got lined up for this weekend. And I think they're going to enjoy the work of this young man. Yes. I agree. I agree. Okay, well. I'm feeling like we should now get the same guests as last week as well back again. Fuck.

That would be good. All right. Well, yeah yeah you can sign up to patreon.com slash little dum dum club get bonus episodes mini episodes

every week we've just put out the first couple of episodes of our yearly review and guide

to the Melbourne Comedy Festival guide with guest Luke Heggie always very popular episodes so get on you get them you get heaps of other stuff you get the entire back catalogue and also you go into the drawer to get your name Festival Guide with guest Luke Heggie. Always very popular episodes. So get on. You get them. You get heaps of other stuff.

You get the entire back catalogue and also you go into the draw to get your name read out. Yes. And that might be about to happen for one of you lucky SOBs that's listening in right now. Absolutely. That will happen for at least a few. Yeah. For at least a few of you.

Yeah. Let's see. I'm trying to answer a text message as you were filling time um it's comedy festival time

a lot of people are ringing me up and I'm just replying back to them sorry I can't talk I am creating content can I answer any questions via text

yep um let's see uh thanks to everyone who subscribes on on Patreon um

particularly these people but um you know I also mean it for you long-time people. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Paddy Streno. Streno. That's it. Yeah, okay. Well, we had Strawny on this week and now we have Streno. We did have Strawny on.

Does he do much? He's never done... Pete does like Strawny live At like For you know Like football functions And stuff But he's never done

Like a festival run Where he's just committed To doing like No Going full Strawny No That has not happened No it's a real shame

It's a shame I guess if you like that stuff But this guy Paddy Strain He may have He may have He may have done A comedy festival show with his character. His last name.

Strainie. Strainor. Strainor. Strainor. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully. If he wants to do five, maybe he can come down and be the second stand-up.

Be the support act for our new superstar. What if we then, it's like, it's got to happen at every live show we ever do from now on. So we're taking him on the road with us to Brisbane. We're flying him out to Koh Samui, having him every night of the week over in Koh Samui. I think he would be extremely excited for all of this to happen. By the way, and also, this is wild, I think, in hindsight. So I run a bunch of comedy clubs, nights, things like that, right?

Yeah. But I only ever go, and I don't know whether, I think I've talked about this, but, you know, my whole idea of like, worst of Melbourne comedy, imagine seeing bad comedy. Because I have been in this fucking, you know, what do you call it? Echo chamber. Yeah. Where I've just been at a good gig all the time and going, fuck, imagine if bad comedy still exists. And it's like, yeah, it's always. Where I've just been at a good gig all the time and going, fuck,

imagine if bad comedy still exists. And it's like, yeah, it's always existed. I've just been running a good gig. Yeah. And so then I went to a bad gig. Oh yeah. And then went,

oh my God, this sucks. Yeah. I can't believe I've said I'm going to run the gig called Worse of Melbourne Comedy. Yeah. Of course,

it's not going to be quite like that. It's going to be a little bit better than that. There's some ideas cooking. It's not literally going to be just bad open mic. There's some very familiar faces are going to pop going to be just bad open mic. Some very familiar faces are going to pop up on Worse than Melbourne

Comedy. Including, you know, when Limo said, Limo's confirmed. Oh, really? Oh, that's right. I forgot about that. He's doing his

impressions. His impressions set. Oh, great. Yeah, yeah, great. There's a few other friends of the show. So, I was like, I saw that one bad

gig because Kappa online one night was like, oh, come and see this. I'm judging a bad open mic. Oh yeah. The gong show. Yeah. And I went just because I'd been in the house all day looking after the blanket and then, uh, don't say a name, got home.

We did a changeover. She said, go out, do something. I picked an open mic to go do with Kappa. Then I saw all these people bomb and I was like this actually sucks the idea of bad comedy is funny but like after five comics

I was like I gotta get out of here in hindsight our two guests this week were on that line up oh were they really because as soon as they started doing comedy

I'm like I've heard this I've heard these jokes yeah sure yeah but the great thing is what made me feel better is that

they were killing it at our gig. And at the gig I went to, they fucking bombed their ass out. Right. They were going very badly. So that gig might be able to steal the title from you of the worst of Melbourne comedy. And also... It says something about it's not the act. It's the actual gig.

It's the space. Also, really weirdly, because it was a gong show, these guys are used to it. They were both on that stage, just getting smashed by Nick Capper instead of us. Yeah, sure. And having fucking seven people in the room instead of 150. Can I ask, what's the participant pass holder for Worst of Melbourne Comedy? Oh, hasn't got one. There isn't one.

Okay. Yeah. Oh, what do you mean? Can you get in if you're a yeah yeah oh uh if there's room yeah okay sure yeah why because i want to come have you got a pass yeah oh i'm in the comedy festival oh okay yeah right yeah i haven't got a pass i don't really doing one oh because i gotta oh yeah it's like i've been busy so i haven't done yeah no i got one they're digital this year i got it saved in my Apple wallet.

Yeah, I better get onto that. Maybe I should do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, for people at home, you get a pass if you're in the comedy festival to go and see other shows if there's room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can take up a seat that wouldn't otherwise be being claimed. But, yeah, it's cool this year that it's not a little laminated thing.

Look at that. There we go. Just on the phone. No QR or anything, just a photo of me and my name. Oh, so you don't get to scan or anything? It does look very, now that I'm looking at it, very easy to forge. Yes. Just send me that and I'll make my own.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Do you also, do you want to message this guy while we're on air and confirm him? Oh, fuck. Okay. You don't have to. Yeah. I'm just worried that he's, you know, his calendar's going to fill up.

Yeah. Yeah, I bet it. Because you showed, I think when you were saying, should I get this guy? And you sent me a screenshot of your correspondence with him. And I couldn't see all of it. But like the top bit seemed to be him saying, about booking him for last weekend, the top bit of the screenshot seemed to be him saying,

I don't know if I can make it, I've got a rental inspection at that time. Yes. That's very funny, the idea that he came down and just like, you know, his landlord's just knocking on the door, like, where the fuck is this cunt? Because he's down there waiting for 45 minutes to go on to then talk about the sperm bank for five full minutes.

That's completely true. That's absolutely correct. Yes, you're right when you say that. He nearly didn't have the best gig of his life because he had a rental inspection. Oh, man. You are correct. And also, by the way, the whole time we haven't even said his name.

Oh, yeah. Because I forget it. Yeah, me too. Here we go. Abhishek. Abhishek Mishra. Abhishek Mishra. Okay.

You're going to hit him up now. Okay. Because the last message he said is, man, here's his message. Man, thank you for giving me the best gig of my life. I feel like I owe you money instead of you paying me. I said, oh, nice nice one if you need me to come down and do the set for any other episode please let me know it's so it's so funny because it's like you know oh yeah you always be hustling always be putting yourself out there and it's like

it's just so funny that what a bizarre thing to say. Like the start of this conversation was, how's that he's asked. And then over the course of the last 10 minutes, we've just convinced ourselves that that's actually a great idea. I know. Like anyone else would say that and be like, do you hear what he fucking did? He was like,

yeah, oh yeah, I'll come and be on another episode. That's what I just said to you. And then you convinced me. And then we go, yeah, let's do it.

Let's actually do it. Yes. So let that be a lesson to you, folks. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Yeah. If you ever thought something really fucked in the head, just say it. You don't know what's going to happen. And you might be saying it to two people who are even more fucked in the head than you

and think it's a good idea and funny. Well, thank you, Patty Streno. Thanks, Streno. That's a product that strains out all the patties. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andrew Darragh. Darragh. Darragh? D-A-R-R-A-G-H.

Yeah, I think Darragh. Darragh? I'm imagining people listening to this who were at this episode and have a ticket for this weekend all excited and then hearing us plan this. Oh, great. We have to sit through the same bit again we'll make it funny we'll make it we'll make it different maybe i'll write a set about the sperm bank oh wow

the best of sperm comedy i'm gonna listen back to this episode and write some fresh riffs yeah i'm gonna do what I'm going to do. Yeah. It'll be good. Some new heckles. Man, I'm so excited now. Now I'm genuinely excited. Have you messaged him? Yes. I said, okay, we've decided. You're in.

This Saturday, we want the exact same set, please. This rules. This. And like, when we get up there, it's like, you know, is this bullying there it's like you know is this bullying it's like this is not bullying this is so good yeah we love it we i loved the bit i loved his he's like he yeah he like afterwards to me he was like so pumped he was so thankful he was so enthusiastic i loved being around his attitude I found it very invigorating We've never had guests thank us for being on the show before 100% Yeah

100% Yeah Instead we've usually got guests as we did this episode Just going You cunts are fucking losers I'm richer than you I saw Peter Hellyer after the show Getting his ears chewed off by my parents

Ah beautiful I'm fascinated to know what was going on in that interaction. Yes, yes. Yeah, what could they possibly have asked him about? It's a date. Wouldn't be anything too obvious. That wouldn't be on their radar. Yeah.

It would have been. We're getting the dots are dancing. It would have been on their radar if he hadn't cut me out of the episode of it that I filmed. Uh-oh. That's right. I forgot about that from before. I was playing a Jason Mraz fan.

Yeah, way back in the day. Abhishek is replying. This reply is sponsored by Andrew Darragh. Or Andrew Darragh. Darragh. Darragh. The more I say Darragh, surely it's Darragh.

Do you reckon? No, I reckon it's Darragh. Darragh. Darragh. The more I say Darragh, surely it's Darragh. Do you reckon? No, I reckon it's Darragh. Okay. Reply. Great to hear that, Carl. I will be there on Saturday at 4.30pm. I can't make it.

I pushed back the rental inspection. We just get this guy fucking his real estate around for the next two months. Alright, we're on. Confirmed. See, this is great. At the moment, what we're having to do is record all this stuff, then also make time to have the planning meeting for these live pods. This is like we're getting to just do it live on air.

This is just what this should be every week during the festival. Okay, guys. Anyway, whatever. You've just heard that episode. That's in the past. Carl, what should we do this Saturday? Talking next week. Talking dum-dum from later.

Talking from the future. Talking plans. Comedy is fun. Oh, I didn't listen to that yet. Ballard sent us a voice memo of the thing I mentioned. I didn't get a chance to listen to it yet. Should I play it on the air? Yeah, yeah.

I talked about this on the app, that he'd messaged to say that he'd dropped a genuine from before in his show the night before, and then he just this afternoon sent us a voice memo of the actual moment. Yes. Let's hear it. Let's pump up the volume,

and let's have a little bit of a listen. It's spreading. The people are waking up to From Before. Because it's a voice memo. Have a look at that. Big laugh. The people are waking up to From Before. Because it's a voice memo. Have a look. Look at that. Yeah, the waveform. Can you see that? Yeah, the peak.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The little blips of noise. That's the laugh. Then it fucking explodes to From Before. From Before, it gets them back every time, folks. That's a big laugh. We need more comedians. No comedians listen to this.

We need more comedians to No comedians listen to this. We need more comedians to know about From Before. And we need more hard evidence of From Before getting you out of a pickle in your comedy festival shows on a night where a callback doesn't land. In real life. Yeah. It's less likely that you'd just be voicemail-mumming a conversation that you're having IRL. When you're doing a callback,

when you're referring to something that's happened in the past, just what's the best way you've from-be-forward in casual conversation? We need to know. Yeah, let us know. Write in if it happens to you. If you're a comedian and you get a voice memo of it, great. If you're just having a normal interaction. What was that Facebook page I used to love called like Ripper Yarns With Your Mates

and it was always just like... Or Ripper Calls With Your Mates and it was always just like, or Ripper Calls with your mates. And it was always just like someone making like a real dad joke. But the build up to it would just be like eight paragraphs. It's a really long story. We need that. Paint the picture for us. Let us know about you're at the barbecue, the yarn you pulled out,

you botched it and then you've like deployed a little from before and just gotten everyone back on side. Good shit. I wonder if, is Ballad putting that in the set every night now, I hope? I wonder. Well, you would think like, it's just good to know. You do have some bits in a show that they move around each night or you might not do a bit one night.

But knowing that at some point in the show, one bit is not going to work. Yes. I mean, it's bad if a bit bombs and it's not even a callback and then you can't even do from before. Yeah. Then you've got nothing. Yes. Thanks, Andrew Darragh.

Thanks, Andrew Darragh from before. Thank you very much, Bridget Lupton. Lupton? Yep, Bridget Lupton. Patreon subscriber, Bridget Lupton. Bridget. It reminds me of one time, yeah, about 10 years ago. It would have been 10 years ago now.

Myself and two other. I knew this was the story you were going to tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You knew that? Two other comedians. I may have told it on the show. I'm not sure if you, maybe, but whatever. We went, it was very early on in Thailand times for me.

I think this may have been the second time I ever went to Thailand. And we were working on a show. I was working on a show with another comedy writer. Then I was telling him about the holiday to Thailand. And then I said, Oh, we should fucking go at the end of this fucking brutal production. And he's like, yeah, fuck, done. And then he invited another guy that was sort of like a mutual friend of ours.

I didn't really know him that well. And we went. And then we just got pissed for like a week in Phuket. And then we all gave each other over time the worst nicknames. And it just came up the other day. So one of them picked up a girl called Soda. And so his name was just Soda. So we just started calling him Soda instead. Yep.

I was eating a lot of garlic bread. So then I would order garlic bread with my main. So then once I did that two or three times, I was like, fuck, and you like your garlic bread? Garlic Carl. So then I was Garlic Carl for it. So there was Soda Garlic Carl.

And then this guy that was giving us the nickname was yelling at us and sitting on a bridge. And we went, ah, Bridget. That's the best one. That's easily the best one. Just a guy sitting on a bridge and we went ah bridget that's the best one yeah that's easily the guy sitting on a bridge yeah as is often the case with like the more mild the nickname the more kind of offended the person tends to get yeah that's always good when it's like someone going i'm not fucking bridget you

know like it actually gets under their skin yeah when there's no basis for anything behind it. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. And we were in a bar. And I'm sure I would have told this story before. But we were in a bar one time. And we were drinking there all day. And the plan was not to do that because I was in exercise gear. I was going to go for a run.

But then these two guys were like, let's go for a beer. You can go for your run, but we're just going to go for a beer quickly. We go for a beer. I'm still there at, this is 10 a.m. in the morning. We end up still being there at 10 p.m. at night in this bar. And I'm still in my exercise gear. And we write our names on the wall, but our nicknames on the wall. So it's Garlic Carl.

Garlic Carl. Soda. Soda. And Bridget. And Bridget. And we write on the wall. So it's Garlic Carl. Garlic Carl. Soda. Soda. And Bridget. And Bridget. And we were right on the wall. And so last time when I went with my family to Phuket, I literally went looking for the bar.

Still there? To see if I could... No, I'd been knocked down or something. Oh, damn. Yeah. Great shame. Oh, well. You should have...

If you had found out that they were knocking it down, you could have tried to buy the bricks that had your name on it. I would have loved it. Yeah. Well, i wouldn't like to buy the thing oh well i could have bought the thing because the great thing was i don't know if we told this bit but there was a me and one guy went for dinner that eventually we've been there for so long it was crazy we've been there playing pool and they had a laptop on the bar and we're just playing whatever songs we want to play and going this is and we're just playing whatever songs we want to play and going this is great we're just djing our own little fucking pool session and then we

left for dinner and one guy went oh i'll just hang around at the bar oh yeah and then when we got back he had left with someone and then we heard the next day the guy went fucking you cunts you didn't pay the bill and like no we paid all the beers before we left. And also you left. That's not our problem. I mean, we were coming back. We just went for dinner. We come back, you left.

He goes, yeah, but you didn't pay the other bill. I'm like, what other bill? And they had been charging us for every time we played a song on YouTube. Yeah, that's a good move. The unmarked jukebox. That's a good business plan. How funny is that? Yeah.

We got charged for so many Foo Fighters songs on fucking whatever was getting played. Fucking hell. That's good shit. Well, thanks, Bridget. That's you.

That's you. That's you, Bridget. That's you from before. That's you. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Michael Ransom. I thought you were going to say Michael Rancid.

That would be a cool name. Ransom is a cool name. It is cool, yeah. Except it's R-A-N-S-O-M-E. Ransom. Ransom. Less cool. Well, it's still – well, if you pronounce the sum like S-O-M-E,

like a normal sum, it's still Ransom, isn't it? Yeah, it is still. Yeah. Michael Ransom. That's a, it's still Ransom, isn't it? Yeah, it is still. Yeah. Yeah. Michael Ransom. That's a cool name, Michael Ransom. Yeah. Have you spent much time in Sorrento?

Been a few times. I was there today. Have you ever done that walk past all the mansions? No. There's like this walk along the coast where you basically go through some people's backyards and i think the walk is like it's like a heritage thing or something yeah so it has to be there and so there's people who like their backyard is just literally anyone can walk through it this like big big mansion and they can't put up a fence they can't do anything about it and it's kind of awesome

because you just know there's a personality type that is so fucked off by it. Just walking past and just seeing some cunt in his fucking big old house just glaring out the window and it's busy. It's this constant stream

of people going back and forth. Yeah. There's probably a certain personality of the type that's like, yeah, soak it in, boys. Look at me. I'm doing all right.

Yeah. And then you know there's someone just fucking hating it and God, it feels right. Yeah. And then you know there's someone just fucking hating it. Yeah. And God, it feels good. Yeah. Wow, you've just missed the bad weather, Tommy, coming back from the beach.

That's good news. Yeah, that's kind of why we went, because the forecast was good for the weekend. And that's probably it now. Daylight savings ends next Sunday. Yeah. Yeah, it's good. I like it. I like a bit of fucking bad weather. Really? Yeah. I like it I like a bit of

fucking bad weather really yeah I like it when it we have this discussion every year I like it when it kicks in

and it's a point of difference yeah but once you're like a month deep then I'm off it yeah yeah

I like a bit of I like a bit of poor weather before I go to Thailand or something like that a bit of fucking no just leaving here and it's roasting

and then you go over here and it's roasting. And then you go over there and it's roasting again. Why go? Which you still have done multiple times, but... Not too many times. I will say, when I went to Japan, it was pretty cool over there. And then came back and it was like hot here. And I had this weird like disconnect in my brain where I felt like I was on the holiday here. Yeah.

Like coming home and just immediately putting shorts on and walking down the street and it was like balmy and not getting dark until 8 p.m. I was like, oh, well, so cool to be somewhere different. And I was like, oh, wait, no, the holiday was from before. This is just home now. This is the bad one. Well, thanks, Michael Ransom.

It's good to know that um your great great great great great great great grandfather was paid to some kidnappers just after they'd cut some cunts fingers off yeah yeah it's good to know you've descended from that that that um amount of money you're descended from a man whose birth certificate was written by cutting letters out of different magazines yes that's good yeah that'll do thanks Michael

thanks Michael and let's just do one more thank you very much to Patreon subscriber oh wow the joke it seems like the joke there was a joke

on the show this week that has started listening. Hang on. Stop the presses. Let's fact check that. Let's try to fact check over that. There was a joke on the show this week that actually must have started listening and started sponsoring, getting on Patreon.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Sperm Comedy. Oh. Yeah. Wow. That joke became self-aware and started listening. Became sentient. Yeah. It was on the subscriber Sperm Comedy. Ah. Yeah, wow. That joke became self-aware and started listening. Became sentient.

Yeah, it was on the show. It was enjoying what was surrounding it and started listening and chipping in immediately. Yeah. That might be the first time that's ever happened to us.

From before. All right. I've got shit to do. Let's go home. Thanks, everyone. Bye. Bye.