The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 706 - Guy Montgomery, Nina Oyama & Harley Breen

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

Our hot streak of idiotic live shows continues with GUY MONTGOMERY, NINA OYAMA and HARLEY BREEN! There's been more Worst of Melbourne Comedy, Tommy's been dared to heckle a Friend of the Show, Karl's tried and failed to get to Broken Hill, plus there's an update on the bush from last week. But honestly, who cares about any of that, because of course it's also week three of Abhishek's Sperm Bank residency. Will he hit another home run, or has the joke run out of steam? The answer MAY shock you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Guy Montgomery, Nina Oyama and Harley Breen. We have one more of these left this Saturday. We do, Tommy. Good luck getting the ticket, though, because he's gone. Oh, okay. It's gone the way of the Creatures of Habit Bar and Band Room International present, Coastal Mill International Podcast Podcast Festival in that it is sold out, Tommy. Yeah, well, if you want to see us live and you've missed your opportunity to come to both of those, what you can do is come up to Brisbane and see us up there

May the 18th. LittleDumbDumbClub.com for tickets. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this brand new live episode with Guy Montgomery, Nina Ayama and Harley Breen. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum Dum Club for another weekend.

Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Good night, you guys. Exciting stuff. Week three. I am going out after this for a friend's birthday dinner. She decided to organise a big group outing with our friends to come to the show today.

She brought a big group of people. None of them listen to the podcast. So I can't wait to see what they make of a little segment that we've got coming up at the 45-minute mark. If we hear the only six people in this room laugh, we know where they are. So guys, welcome back to the third week of our residency here, Spoonbank Saturdays.

It's all just treading water until then, honestly. I could not, no offence, but I could not give less of a fuck about everything else that is going to happen between now and then. It's the only thing I have written on my notes. I'm going to do the bit before he does it.

Well, we had a great interaction on the way into the venue. We were, you were at the ATM getting some cash out. Yes. Got a beautiful little look at the PIN number there, so keep an eye on your wallet. And a person came up to us, a lady came up to us.

Starstruck. Oh, my God. It's Tommy and Carl. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. It's Tommy and my favourite Greek comedian withdrawing cash from the ATM. And I was like, I have to ask, even though I know the answer. Are you coming to the show today? And she said, no, I'm going to the live episode of Bang On.

I think Abhishek is the special guest down there as well. He's doing double duty. But she's like, oh, my God, I'm starstruck. I'm like jangling with nerves. It's like, well, you can't be that struck. You're not even fucking coming to see us. You're not struck and we're not stars. I'll pay you $20 out of this ATM to fuck off.

She's like, I can't believe I'm seeing you. I'm like, I can believe it because you didn't buy a fucking ticket. Soros in the street and she gets ridiculed on the podcast. Truly, every listener's dream. Actually, she sent us a message after that. What was the message? Here we go. A true pro would have hooked this up earlier, but I am me, so I didn't. She said,

yeah, great to see you two in the wild. I had a serious fangirl moment. Sorry I'm not seeing your show because you're my dirty little podcast secret. Yeah, okay. I'm happy to be someone's side piece, you know. I'm happy to be someone's whore that they don't tell their wife about.

Bang on down at Town Hall. She's happy to come and fuck with us one day. Leave your Patreon money on the drawer on your way out. Take whatever we can get. Here's your undies. Fuck off. Now, before we get too far in, we should do something that I forgot to do in the live episode last week.

We are, of course, now, we have a sponsor every week. We have to kiss the ring on the air. A sponsor for the Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival. Sponsor of the Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival that we do have to advertise every week in the lead up. So, Josh, can we get the backing track here? Here's an ad. Sorry, guys, it's a bit of SponCon here. Hi, I'm part-time comedian and professional seat sniffer Tommy Dasolo.

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Creatures of Habit Bar and Band Room has you covered. Drop in today at 319 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy and as a treat for Dumb Dumb listeners, they're offering a complimentary slab of sperm with every beer if you use the promo code FROMBEFORE. So there we go. All right, obligation fulfilled.

Now we can relax. Yeah, now we can be funny. Now that the ad's out of the way. So week two of the worst of Melbourne comedy. Yes. Week two, you weren't there. You were at week one. Week two, completely different line, you weren't there. You were at week one. Week two, completely different line.

Well, hey, I wasn't at week one. Carl Chandler performed at week one. Thank you very much. I was doing the night shift at the Daily Planet that night. I couldn't be there. Yes. Instead of sucking your own dick, sucking someone else's. Yep.

Pretending to be someone else sucking their own dick. It was good. I mean, another good question for you, because we are in the Comedy Festival Guide. Yes. We found out last week we had some randoms that had never heard of us and were just coming in from the rain.

Yes. Is there any people afraid of the weather today who's never... Who wandered in, who bought a ticket to this and had never listened to this podcast? Yeah, personal friends of mine excluded. Yeah, yeah. Is there any absolute randoms in here tonight?

Yep. Just put your hand up, sir. Never heard of you. Never heard of you. Never heard of us. Well, even now. What's my name? No idea.

Am I a boy or a girl? If you had to take a stab at my pronouns what would you guess that they are? I think he said shit and cunt What was it that so what you just found this in the guide? No, a mate said come along A mate said come along.

Oh, okay, so you're being dragged along by someone. Yeah. Oh, okay, so you're not just random, yeah. You look like you're sitting by yourself. Is your mate here? Yeah, they're here. Oh, okay. Oh, right, okay.

I really thought that'd be funnier. I really thought the answer was going to be no, and God, imagine the fun we would have had with that car. Can you get your mates to fuck off? I reckon we could work with something so uh no we did worst of melbourne comedy part two yeah it was great and it was like uh we had genuine randoms in there again which was so funny because the show who saw it this week did anyone see it yeah nice one um so it was it's pretty fucked in the head right and so there were people that were there that were really upset by it. But it was like, you bought a ticket to the worst of Melbourne comedy.

Like, what were you thinking? So there was a nice moment. It was about, I think, 10, 15 minutes before the end, where a group of an Asian family of five walked out halfway through Greg Larson's song, Suck a Dog's Dick. Okay. Halfway through Greg Larson's song, Suck a dog's dick. Okay, alright. This is not the worst of Melbourne comedy I wanted. I'm enjoying this a great deal.

I'm outraged. Was Suck a dog's dick a parody of something or an original? He said it was, but I did not know. I did not know the source material. It was a parody of something or an original? He said it was but I did not know I did not know the source material. It was a parody of comedy. He's like

Greg's a great one of saying I've got this great idea and then you see it on stage and you go I still don't know what the idea is. Yeah.

I can see how this would kill in the notes app but in three dimensions I'm not so sure. Yeah so then there was this guy and you know there's a little bit

of that happening on this show, where I think it's funny to have, like it's called Worst of Melton Conning, but what it is is really it's a lot of comics and friends of ours doing little stupid parody characters. So Luke Heggie's like, I've got this great idea. And he goes, and I said, well, how do I intro you? I was MC.

And he goes, oh, my character is, I'm like this sort of bitter, old Sydney guy that's like gonna do comedy as a bit of a bucket list and I get up there and do really you know racist and sort of sexist material

and I'm like character you say and honestly it was like a five that was very funny what you just said if I was an Asian family of five

I'd be out the door right now I'd be furious it's not worst enough. He's telling me that for real, and honestly, you saw him, and the only difference was, he actually showed a little bit of charisma on stage.

Yeah, he lit up. I like this! Be this guy! He was enjoying being there. So anyway, so there was all that sort of stuff, and then in the middle of it, what I find very funny is I hit up someone and said, look, give me the craziest open mic on the scene and I'm just going to

put him in there in the middle and this will be really funny. Which sounds like a great funny idea from a distance. But when it happens and I'm in the kitchen waiting for the gig to start and none of the other comics turn up and then he comes up and has to talk to me one on one and then goes, what is this gig anyway? And I'm like, I don't know.

And he's like, do they do comedy in here regularly at Spleen? I'm like, first time here, I don't know. You're going to have to ask someone else when they come here. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm busy getting into character for what I'm going to do out there. So then he's there

and he's just this like sort of crazy open mic guy and everyone else comes in and they're all just coming up to him going, and what's your character? And he's like, me? And then about five minutes

before the start of the show they go, so what are you doing for Worst of Melbourne Comedy? And he goes, is that the name of the show? Well, it took three weeks but finally we got there.

It's bullying. I knew we'd get there eventually. Because I got worried because this guy was about three times my size. I'm like, I booked this guy sight unseen. I'm like, I've made a horrible mistake. And how did he go? Well, the great thing was he then

all the comics in the room weren't in on the joke either so they're all like, ah, what character are you? And he's like, I don't know. And they're like, one by one, they all have to come up and go, what's the story with this guy? And I'm like, I thought it would be funny to get someone really bad here. Oh, the puppet master himself, just in heaven. No, no, I was nervous. So then everyone goes out and does their wild characters.

When did you have him on in the line-up? Oh, like seventh or eighth or something. So there's been this nice little habit of everyone's going, oh, I get it, there's these weird characters. Then he comes out and he says, this is very important to me. You have to introduce me like this. And I'm like, oh, this must be some elaborate introduction. And I had to say, this next guy is very sexist and very racist.

Please welcome to the stage. I'm like, fuck, that wasn't a big thing I had to say, this next guy is very sexist and very racist. Please welcome to the stage. I'm like, fuck, that wasn't a big thing I had to remember. I don't think this was very crucial. Wait, he asked to be introduced that way? Yes. So he does that at every gig? I guess so. He came up three times and said, this is very important to me.

And it's like, believe me, a minute in, we didn't need that introduction. It's not bad. I mean, if you get the MC to intro you as being incredibly sexist and racist, it kind of doesn't matter what you do up there. You know, most people are going to walk away being like, I actually didn't think it was that racist or things considered. We were really brief for it to be really bad. The great thing is, and I assume

that the people here will probably relate to this, I thought it was funny because Sevener actually, everyone's got that condition of like, oh, I get it, I get it. He comes out, starts saying all this heinous stuff and they're like, oh, this is a great parody. And then about two, three minutes in, the mask drops and everyone goes, oh, no. I think it was at the point where he said,

all women are just slits. That's what they did too. Yeah. So then he... Guys, just want to let you know, that's what they did too yeah so then he guys just want to let you know my podcast co-host

he's really racist and really sexist there you go so you won't get that reaction again next time you quote him I was just reporting on the arts that's not my opinion that's the opinion of my employer

yeah employee employee yeah yeah so your protege. Yes. Your ward.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carl Junior. So the great thing was the middleman that arranged the gig for him, that got him on, he was so wrapped to do the gig because he had a full house and he went well for about two minutes, so he's pretty happy with that. So another gift. So what's the perfect gift from a crazy open mic

to give someone to say thank you for something? What do you think is the best present? I'll tell you. He gave him a copy of his own autobiography. I feel like I would have gotten there eventually if he'd given me another couple of minutes to have a think. Yeah, that's good. Signed? Oh, good question.

You haven't read it yet? No, I put in the request to lend it after he's finished with it. Yeah, I want to. Signed? Oh, good question. Yeah, nice. You haven't read it yet? No. I put in the request to lend it after he's finished with it. Yeah, yeah. I want to have a go at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, especially chapter four of The Romantic Years called Slits. Really? No. But, I mean... That's just common. But, probably. Yeah, maybe.

Once you get through, you'll probably find it. What do you think, guy up the back? Is this tickling you so far? But, I mean... That's just common. But, probably. Yeah, maybe. Once you get through, you'll probably find, yeah. What do you think, guy at the back? Is this tickling you so far? You know, coming to a gig and hearing about another gig, is that good? I've got a gig than this. Multiple levels of things that I don't know what the fuck they are.

He's just going, fuck these seats, better be filled pretty soon, because I don't know what the fuck these cunts are talking about. Well, what do you think? Should we get our guests out here? Folks, we've got a great line-up today. Please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club, Guy Montgomery, Nina Oyama and Harley Bray! Yay! Cool club. Yay!

Cool club. Cool club. Yeah. Yeah, it's a cool club. Yeah. I can see why you're doing the main room at the town hall these days. Openers like that. That's good.

We asked you before the show if you had anything for us and you said, I'll work on it. And you come up here with cool clothes. It's called Word Economy, you useless fucks. No, it's been so good watching you guys talk about this

because I feel like I got tickets to like the behind the scenes documentary where I said, when Carl's talking about this, it's like the Instagram post where he's like, my life's fantastic. But what you want

to see is Carl leaving the gig, he's running upstairs to go to Worst of Melbourne Comedy at 9 o'clock on a Tuesday. Yeah, yeah. He's the most miserable man I've ever seen in my life. But you've been designing this for six months. He's fucking filthy. I know. I know. Every time I have to do the gig

I'm like, why the fuck did I do this? And then on Saturday, then I talk all about it and encourage everyone to come. And then on Wednesday I go, oh fuck, I've got to do the gig, I'm like, why the fuck did I do this? And then on Saturday, then I talk all about it and encourage everyone to come, and then on Wednesday I go, fuck, I've got to do it again, I forgot! Yeah, what have you got up the sleeve for this Wednesday? Me? Yeah.

Oh, okay. Jesus! I forgot I was still doing it. You really got to talk to the bloke that books you for gigs. I know, I know. And me, actually, because the guy that booked me for this also booked me for another show that starts in about half an hour. He's a real fucking idiot.

It's going to be tight. There's a gig of mine upstairs and you basically have to leave this gig early to go to my other gig. Yeah. It's almost like you're an idiot. To be fair though, Harley, I asked you yesterday if you could do this and you said I can't, I'm doing a gig for Carl. I think you'll be able to get out of that gig

for Carl to do a gig for Carl. He was there as we had that conversation. Also, if you're here and you're like, for that, I'm docking your pay. So Harley, we did have to ask you pretty last minute to do this

yes thank you for filling in Nina and Guy you were booked weeks and months ago yeah but Harley's only today yes

it's nice to be wanted yeah well we had a we had someone pull out at the last minute you are replacing Joel Creasy today

so take that however you want and I'm like Joel Creasy today, so take that however you want. And I'm like, Joel, I never pull out. He's got a lot of kids. But no cars. Men are all just slits, as Joel says. So that's nearly getting funny. That's getting funny.

Yeah, so you are replacing Joel. So that's nearly getting funny. I'll tell you, mate. He's getting funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you are replacing Joel. Joel pulled out and his explanation was fair enough. There was none. But then we've been keeping a peep on his socials and apparently instead of doing this gig, he's been... He's at the Country Women's Association market.

Yeah. So officially we are less important than scones. Wait, there's a country women's association market? Is it too late for me to pull out? Harley's going to have to be on double duty, filling in for Joel and Nina. Yeah. Yeah, it's a shame,

because we haven't had Joel on for ages, and I wanted to tell... I'm just going to fucking tell this story anyway. Because he had a special on Amazon Prime and i've talked to this about this before but i do some writing for him because you know it's my people um it's very weird because i write a lot of gay jokes for joel and i write a lot of gay jokes for Joel Creasy and I write a lot of brown jokes for Nazeem Hussain and it's like I'm writing it going I wish I could say this out loud do your own material you fucking coward

that you should next year do a solo show called Carl Chandler in the best of Joel Creasy in his own side Wednesday night at 9.30pm and then you're trudging off there going and do the costumes and

the face bands and the voices do the wrist he was doing he was doing a special for Amazon run this massive one.

It was like in Broken Hill. That's where Priscilla Quinn of the Desert was. So he did this big outdoor filming like in the main street like in the film. And there's like thousands of people there and it's like going to be this massive thing. Heaps of money put into it. He's like, I want you to write for it and whatever. And I'm going to fly you up on the day and you're going to be there and you're going to write jokes on the fly. Like for the special at night.

Like for Amazon. I'm like, man, Creasy is fucking ballsy. He's like, just write some jokes on the day and I'll do them. I'm like, fucking hell. So wait, so like live as the show's happening, so he'd have an earpiece in and you'd be in a truck across the road going like, ask the guy in the front

row what he does for a job. Hang on, I've got a brainwave. I'm gay. So he's up there and they're doing this massive production and I'm flying up on the day and there's all this money being poured into it but then they put me on... What's the Rex? They put me on a Rex flight?

Fuck yeah. Yeah. So they put me on a Rex flight yeah yeah so they put me on a Rex flight and it's like oh fair enough you gotta fly Rex to like Broken Hill from somewhere so no I flew Rex from Melbourne to Sydney so I blew Rex from Melbourne to Sydney and on the plane I'm like why am I going up on the day how am I gonna write jokes on the day like I'm just gonna walk around yeah Broken Hill sucks whatever and so I get to Sydney and they fuck up the interjoining flights

and I miss the flight. And I go, oh, man, I need to be at the special. I'll just be on the next plane. They're like, cool, that's in two days. And they're like, and the special's on in like four hours or something. You're saying this to the people at the airport. You don't understand. Comedy needs me.

So great that you grow up in a regional town and you have no idea how they fucking work. What do you mean? They don't have regular flights in. How many flights are going out of Maribor a day, mate? Well, there'd be more going out than going in. I just like the idea that you're like, no, I'm Joel Creasy's writer.

Like, I write his jokes. Everyone's like, as if, mate. Oh, we'll just get the gay plane out of the hangar then. We'll just get the rainbow plane to fly over. Joel Creasy is running this gig like you're running Worst of Melbourne Comedy. He's booking you the same way you're booking Open Runs. You read about that in my autobiography.

open you read about that in my autobiography so I I can't get another plane and I'm one of those guys banging on the desk going I must get there how can I get there I'll hire a car and they're like and they go okay no worries that will take five hours and the gig starts in four hours so we'll hide the top the car if you want fuck so I'm sitting there and I have to ring them up and go I'm sorry it's fucked up I don't know what I have to ring them up and go, I'm sorry, it's fucked up. I don't know what I'm going to do. And they're like, okay, we need you to just keep writing the jokes or you're just going to have to do them at the airport. Yeah, if only writing was something you could do remotely.

Not too many digital nomads choosing to work out of the airport these days. We don't care where you are. We just need you to be on the go. Not at home, that's the only stipulation. But it was great. So I'm stuck in the airport and I'm like, OK, I have to work here for the rest of the day. And I'm like sending jokes. Are you like Googling pictures of Broken Hill being like,

oh yeah, that pub. Going onto Google Street View and doing the like walk around tell you something about broken hill it sure is tough to get to you am i right on google my swaps up with hersbridge street what a shithole like um so i'm trying i'm like oh what can i write about you know you know you're like oh give me some bullet points or whatever so i'm i spend the rest of the day in the, what is it called? Boy, the food on that flight was awful, I assume. This packet of peanuts is sure hard to open

because I can't get on the fucking plane. I just didn't fly in from Melbourne and boy are my arms well rested. That was the best one. Thank you, Guy. So I then spend the rest of the day writing stuff and sending it off to there in the airport, and I write... And Creasy's so ballsy, he doesn't give a fuck.

He... I wrote, like, a... He did a full page of jokes, untested, in front of fucking 3,000 people, that I had written three hours before in Red Rooster. That was... My journalistic instincts were firing off and I was like, you've got to find out exactly which bit of the airport

he was in, because you're going to get a great answer here. There was literally a great moment where I had to quieten down because I was like, I thought of a banger joke and I'm in Red Rooster and I had to keep my voice down because I rang to go, man, I thought of a great one. What about this'm in Red Rooster, and I had to keep my voice down, because I rang to go, man, I thought of a great one. What about this? If you say this on your special.

I'm from Australia to an American audience. If you guys are watching from America, I'm Australian and I'm gay. To explain what that means, the cum goes down the other way, down my throat. I'm like... Did it play that well in the special? Yeah. Did it crush in the red rooster you were at?

That's why they pay you the big bucks. $79 for a Rex flight. So I haven't watched the special, so I don't know. Go and see if that got up. I don't know. No one ever told... Like, I was messaging Greasy afterwards going,

how did it all go? And I never heard another message back from him. Probably why I pulled it out today. I don't know, go and see if that got up. I don't know, no one ever told me. Like I was messaging Creasy afterwards going, how did it all go? And I never heard another message back from him. Probably why I pulled it out today. I don't know. Yeah, has anyone watched it? Great. Well, you've already heard the best of it. The best of Joel Creasy comedy.

Just there. Now that's your opener for Carl Chandler Presents, the best of Nazeem Hussain and Joel Creasy next year. I'm American and gay. So the cum goes down the other... Yeah, anyway, I butchered it. See, not so fucking easy, is it? Not so fucking easy.

I have been sitting here the whole time saying, sounds really easy. If you want to make it super twisty, you could do Joel Creasy's gags in character as Nazeem. And Nazeem's gags as Joel. You're desperate to get him to do brownface. I'm basically still going, we've got to get something to cancel this.

Fucking Teflon Carl over here. Nothing sticks. Hey, when you've got nothing, they can't take anything away. Do you write any jokes for any non-minorities? me but they don't go well yeah yeah

yeah no yeah I don't know no I do for the Nelson twins so it's like yeah they just yeah there's so many identical twins well they're not a minority

because there's two of them. That's not bad. I was going to say, are you quoting them via you? I will actually use that. Actually, I used the jokes you wrote for the Nelson twins once. Did you? Yeah, Dave Thornton and I went on stage as the Nelson twins. Oh, right, right, right.

And just did their jokes because Carl had them all. That's right. Who are the Nelson Twins? Well, can you imagine what they might look like? Each other? All you have to do is imagine one

and then you've got the other. It's really easy on the old brain box. Yeah, guess what their shtick is? I look like him. I see you've seen my work. Yeah, give Guy an example of one of your... What I do is I just get some of the Nelson Twins jokes, halve them and then give them to Joel Creasy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a story about the Nelson Twins. You have a story about them? I have a story. Well, it's not... Yeah, I have a story, which is... Hang on, who did you You have a story about them? I have a story. Well, it's not... Yeah, I have a story, which is... Hang on,

who did you think had a story? Well, it's like an epistolary, you know, it's like a story within a story. No, it's not. Well, I'm really hungover,

shut up. There used to be a comedy night in Sydney called Fuck Club. Do you guys remember Fuck Club? Yes. Yeah. It was like the worst of Melbourne

comedy but in Sydney yeah it was the best of Sydney comedy yeah they're not so funny up there

but anyway Fuck Club it was like an anarchy comedy night like they used to have people heckling from the back

is that like worst of Melbourne comedy yeah but they were just doing it because it's a bad show yeah that was like a gig you ran for like an anarchy comedy night like they used to have people heckling from the back is that like worse of Melbourne comedy? Yeah but they were just doing it because it's a bad show. Yeah. That was like a gig

you ran for yourself one year where you did gear and got oh that was one of my favourite shows. Professional comedians to come and heckle you. It's actually how we bonded.

I think that's just the podcast version of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just turn into This Is Your Life. Has anyone published an autobiography? He's going to have

a fucking go. Anyway, at Fuck Club they used to program like real weird acts and one of them was this old lady called Sue Thomas

who was a librarian and like picture what you think an old lady looks like. That's what Sue Thomas looks like. That's how most things work.

Well, I just have to say like picture like a wholesome old lady librarian. That's what she looked like. That's how most things work. Well, I just have to say picture a wholesome old lady librarian. That's what she'd look like. She's got super nice tits for me. And now she does for me as well. Keep imagining. And the most beautiful old slit. That's in there now.

Hey guy, I think you need to tell your dick. I'm picturing both Nelson twins in one dress. That's my version. So Sue Thomas' whole thing was she looked like a lovely old lady and then she would go on and read the most fucked up erotica you could ever imagine. She had a bag of dildos and she would bring out and explain

all the dildos' different purposes. That was her shtick. How many different purposes can a dildo have? Depends on how many of the Nelson twins you're having sex with. She read out... Wait, there's not in and in. That's the two. And front and back.

Yeah. I can't stop thinking about the purposes now. My favourite position, not in. It isn't mine. In America, the dildos go back to front. Did you pull out? I never went in. The gentleman's intercourse, they're calling it.

It's called masturbating. That's my favourite. So Sue Thomas used to just kind of read vague erotica about whatever. But one day, one fuck club, she did erotica about getting spit roasted by the Nelson Twins. The Nelson Twins are like, they're really long hair. They're massive men. They look like cavemen. They're massive men. They look like men who would have a spit roast.

Yeah. They look like Harley Breen. But more spit roasting, I guess. It's all in the beard. That's where the spit roast comes from. Yeah. Oh, that's an image in my head now from what you made me picture. It's not bad.

That poor lovely woman. She sounds like she was having a great time in the erotica. But it was like really detailed. Like it was a really detailed reading of how she was sucking one of their dicks while one of them fucked her. Well, that's how it works. Did she have any of my gear in there? Yeah. Inside her?

That would turn me on. Tom Bell, I'd so say. That's how good my writing is. It's even funny when performed by a lesser comedian. With a dick in his mouth. Anyway, what Sue Thomas didn't know was that the Nelson twins had been invited to that fuck club. No.

No. I actually think only one of them came to the fuck club, not in there. That would be such a nice little... Which end? Yeah, Easter egg in the spit roast story. It was the front slit. Yeah.

A girl said it, it's fine, shut the fuck up, she can say it. So what was the reaction of this one Nelson twin? I don't know, I just remember, like, because I didn't know he was there either and I came downstairs and he was just staring into his beard like, oh, no, man, I don't know about this comedy, no, man. Were they supposed to be on or were they just...? No, I think they were just invited. Why did one Nelson twin randomly decide to go to a gig called Fuck Club?

Yeah. Well, because it was run by the best of... It was run by, like, the Tommy and Kyle of Sydney. Ah. Ben Elwood and whoever his best friend is at the time. And so, yeah, no, I'm just kidding. I'm good. Bruno Leccia and Gary Who.

Yeah. There's a few people who got that reference. All right, guys. For everyone else, I'm sorry that bombed, but that was quite funny because they're both... Come on, guys. We're better than this. Let's get this back on track.

Yeah. We're not better than this. It was a good gig. It was a good gig a lot of the time. So the Nelson twins... So they got invited to see what all the fuss was about. Right, right, right. And then that is what they were presented with. They're treated to.

But was it going well? Yeah, it was crushing. She's never been so funny in her life. When I was early on in comedy, my girlfriend at the time came to a gig with me and the Nelson twins were on and she was near the front of the stage. She was like, I would rather be spit-roasted by then

than be here with you. Then watch you masturbate one more time. They just did crowd work to her for like seven minutes about how they were going to put her on the spit after the gig and then she was like, I'm never coming to one of your shows again. Well, you know who to blame for that? Carl. Turns out Carl broke up your relationship.

Well, they had to use it because I wrote it for Joel and Nazeem to use together and they didn't want it. Yeah, it's not quite the same. I went and saw a comedy show last night. I went and saw friend of the show Tom Ballard and I was waiting to go into the room and saw friend of the show Ben Lomas was there. He had a night off. Him and his wife had a night off from...

You guys probably don't know this, but he has kids. They say the darn things. They sure do. He was kind of like walking in to go see Dave Thornton and then he stopped and chatted to me for a bit. He's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm about to go see Tom Ballard.

And he goes, I'll pay you $1,000 if you stand up in the middle of the gig and go, yay, Israel. A few things about that. That would be bad to do in any show. It doesn't have to be a Tom Ballard show. And you really do learn a lot about what someone thinks about where you're at by the number that they throw out in a hypothetical. $1,000 does not go very far in this economy.

I'd have done it. I'm paying you to do it in half an hour. Wait, what am I doing? Actually, you've got 22 minutes to get up there. Could you talk to the guy who books me about that? Wait, what am I doing? Actually, you've got 22 minutes to get up there. Okay. Could you talk to the guy who booked me about that? So, Tommy, what did Tom say when you stood up and said,

yeah, he is right? Put a bit of a dantner on the show. Well, I didn't get a chance to because a guy came in 10 minutes late in a wheelchair and then was yelling out for the entire show. And it was one of those, I don't know if you've ever been in a show where this happens where Tom can hear a was yelling out for the entire show and it was one of those, I don't know if you've ever been in a show where this happens where Tom can hear a guy yelling out but he can't, you know, he can't see in the audience and so he's kind of

he's sort of, he's getting into this guy and everyone's sitting there just white knuckling it on the edge of the seat being like defuse this but don't don't, you know, let's not get too carried away Just Ballard just going, if you don't like the show mate walk out and bring me back some cheesecake Don't, you know, let's not get too carried away. Just Ballard just going, if you don't like the show, mate, walk out.

And bring me back some cheesecake. Can't help yourself. It was a big enough laugh as it was. From before. I had that left over. From before. I had left over. It's like he does. I had one of those situations.

The first year I did a show, I did a split bill with Rose Matafo in Portland. It's now the James Squire. And I was doing it, and I was only okay. I wasn't that good. And there was someone making a very funny noise. There were like 30 people going, and I was like, oh, come on, what's with the noise?

I wonder how this story ends. And they're going, and I was like, oh, you're taking it. But, you know, saw yourself anyway. They were having an epileptic fit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. From laughter, I got there. Just from your debut show, Sparkling Lights.

Yeah. Sparkling Lights, the bloopers, this will cure epilepsy. At one point, Tom was like... The guy had just yelled something. At one point Tom was like, the guy just yelled something out again and Tom was like, what's going on back there? Are you high? I'm like, oh, you're slightly elevated. Oh, I've got an update. I've got an update from last week if anyone wants to hear it.

The Bush story from last week. It sounds like they're really keen. Oh, I won't do it. I won't do it then. Okay, easy. No problem. All right, moving on. I want to hear the Bush story. It sounds like they're really keen Oh I won't do it I won't do it then Okay easy No problem Alright moving on I want to hear the bush story

Is it related to the slit story? If people want to hear it I'm going to have to hear it A lot of people don't want to hear it then No I walked past I went on the way here Alright I don't want to hear it You walking yuck.

I went back to the scene of the crime. On the way here. Because I was like, I want to... Because you guys all went, oh, it's a homeless guy that lives there or whatever. And I'm like, I don't think it is. I really didn't think it was. Do you want to give these guys a bit of quick context? Oh, sorry.

I obviously don't need it because I've never missed an episode. But, please. context. I obviously don't need it because I've never missed an episode. Please. Sorry, Guy and Nina, a couple weeks ago I was walking into the show and I walked through a park and I really needed to go to the toilet. Number twos. And it was very bad.

It was very bad. Imagine poo but worse. And number twenty. very bad imagine poo but worse so so a number 20 yeah so I it was sort of daylight still and I found this really big bush

that a man seemed to be guarding and there was like a yeah I need a private place I'll go to the bush that a man is guarding I had security so please don't shit here and there was like a couple... Yeah, I need a private place. I'll go to the bush that a man is guarding. I had security, so... Please don't shit here.

Please don't shit here. Yeah, well, check your shoes, mate. You're not allowed behind this bush. So there was like this little hole and it seemed like it was designed to go in. So I was like, great. So I went in there and it was really... It was designed to go in.

That almost looks like a building. You guys should have been here last week. We commented on all of this and more. I like the way Carl does it. He tells stories about his gigs and then just his stories again. So I went into the little hole and What happened to the bush? The hole in the bush

Oh yeah I thought it was the man It's called a slit It was a bush slit Yeah so Jesus Christ Can we edit a lot of this out? Can we just edit

Dum Dum out of being a podcast? Just you guys and not us. Like Garfield without Garfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went in there

and it was really bad and I was on the phone to Milan throughout the whole shit and experience. Doing a bit of a director's commentary and I got spooked

because there was these big full suitcases in there and I freaked that they had dead bodies in there and I ran away. So that's what happened. I just can't wait to be as close a friend to you as Milan is

so you can call me when you're shitting. Now guys, when you hear that, when you hear this guy was standing out the front of a bush and then there were suitcases in the bush and Carl went to, this guy's killed a man and these are body parts in the suitcase. Do you agree with that or does your brain think something else? My brain's thinking a lot.

Mine wasn't. As if you're the most reasonable person in that situation. That's what that feels like. Because you're like, oh yeah, shitting in this hole is normal. It's weird that there are suitcases here. I think you're actually the one doing the crime, Carl. Yeah. It's like at home when you try to take a shit in the sink,

but there are dishes next to it. What are we using this for? It wasn't a crime, Nina. The hole was designed in the bush. And the bush was guarded by security. Like all toilets. The bush had a hole it was asking for, so it's fine. Oh, God.

Just one by one you're going to... That's the line? That's the line? Terrible. I'm just slowly turning this gig into the worst of Melbourne. I was going to say Let's get this bit Wrapped up

So we can do The bit of the show Where we redo a bit From a previous episode Yeah Yeah So And let's not forget

I've got a gig For a promoter That's a real cunt So So today On the way back You revisit the scene Of the crime

Yeah yeah So anyway So back in here So I It was horrendous And I did the worst thing I've ever done apart from comedy in that film. It was so bad.

Anyway, and so then I ran out and I told that story last week and then everyone said, you shit inside a homeless man's house. That's where, that's why there were suitcases there. So you did find a toilet. So. At least you went to the homeless man's toilet, I guess. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know, maybe not. How are you guys fucking this more than I am? So I did all that. They all said that. And so today I was like, fuck, I'm going to go back and find the bush. And just to get it straight with myself about what the circumstances were. And so I found it. I found the place.

How did you know it was the place? Were you just sniffing? I like that you're trying to paint a picture over here. It's amazing I found it. Yeah, you found it the first time. But it was like a random bush in the middle of a big park. What, did you think it was like Narnia or something? Oh, if I go behind this bush it won't be the same.

Yeah, so I found it and then I went in there. Come on, guys. Let him cook. Come on. There was no man out the front or anything, so I was like, sweet, easy. So I went in there. It can't be the right bush. There's no man out the front.

Yeah, yeah. And I reckon I'm right still. I don't think... What? What are you saying? I think the suggestion is that maybe because a stranger shat in their house, the guy... Oh, yeah.

He moved out. The guy... Ah, this neighbourhood's gone to the dogs. Yeah, right. I remember when no one would shit in your bush. Tell you what, you let one in. Man, that would be very funny if someone moved out of their bush because of a shit.

That's good. He's living in the public toilet now. I'm safe from Chandler. So I went in there and the bag, the suitcases were gone and I'm like, fuck, he's moved out in there and the bag, the suitcases were gone and I'm like, fuck, he's moved out. Like, he's,

because of the, the neighbourhood going to the dogs. And then I, I literally then went, I'm just going to look for my shit to see if that's... Why? Why is that an impulse?

Because I was like, well... Didn't you, didn't you fucking bury it, you animal? No, no, no. No, I didn't. So...

You just left it out there in the open? It wasn't in the open, it was in the bush. Did you wipe? Yes. Yes. That's not a real yes. That's a fake yes.

A handful of dirt? Like a leaf? Like Tarzan? You're saying this to me like I haven't done this so many times before. Something from the suitcase? No, no, no. It was leaves. Leaves, okay.

It wasn't off of his card. It was leaves. It was leaves. So I went back in there. The suitcase was gone. The shit was gone. They'd taken everything. Happy birthday, Alison, by the way.

Well, possession is nine-tenths of the law. I've got no rights to my own shit anymore. Well, possession is nine-tenths of the law. I've got no rights to my own shit anymore. But then, I found the suitcases. They've moved them around. They've redecorated. The suitcase was still there.

And again, I got the fear. I'm in there going, I've got to open the suitcases to find out what's in them. Oh, I thought you were going to say, I've got to take another shit to see if they'll be... No, honestly, I went three times this morning to make sure I was... This story has made me realise I was last week picturing a much smaller bush in my head. But there was room for suitcases to be moved around

and you not immediately noticed them. Man, you've got to see this bush. No, thanks. It sounds like a tree almost. Look, it's verging on a hedge. It's pretty big. It's roomy. In my mind, it's one of

those hedge mazes. It's big enough to lose two suitcases. Was this a display at the Flower and Garden show? I can't get my head around what I'm I just can't mentally picture it I'm going to

So I really thought this would be good for the podcast I'm going to go there I'm going to find the suitcases I'm going to open them And then be able to say Hey look I found the Lost Covenant Or whatever The Ark of the Covenant

Yeah So I got there And I went And I got really scared again Yeah And I ran away again. Because I kicked the suitcases to sort of figure out. I was like, they're probably empty.

And I don't know if you've ever kicked and felt the weight of something and got scared. But that's what I did. I just felt like there was something bad in there. It felt really bad. I need the coordinates of this bush. I'll go have a look. I got them and I'll put them up on Facebook right now. Yeah, yeah. Did you take a photo of the bush? Yes. Great. Yeah. I've go have a look. I got them and I'll put them up on Facebook right now. Drop a pin.

Did you take a photo of the bush? Yes. Great. I've got all the details. I really, I am too scared to look in the suitcases and I would really like one of you to do it for me. Like, you know when there's a bomb squad and they put out like the little robot to like open the thing? I want you guys to be one of them. Can someone

open the suitcases for me please? I'm going to put it up on socials. It's like the most cursed version of The Price is Right. It's the deal or no deal. Oh fuck.

Yeah. Open the suitcase. Oh a head. Cool. And inside is actually Andrew O'Keefe. Yeah. What's in there?

This isn't seven, this is 69. Actually, when you said that, you sounded like you were taking a diuretic shit. Have we got... What have we got time for? Should we talk to Nina about that other thing or not nah

okay alright easy well should we do our segment that you've all been waiting for now guys for those of you that don't know

go on guys so this is a segment we haven't explained to you and you'll be very familiar with this concept you did a podcast where all you did was watch the same movie. How many times? I've watched the same movie every week for a year,

so 52 times a year. 52 times. We're up to watching one guy do the same set of comedy three times. And I just want to make sure this gets on the mic, but one of your dedicated fans just went, oh, fucking hell. I think that was the comic. No, no, I was talking to him backstage.

He's pumped up. It's a great opportunity for him, obviously. It's a big gig. He's playing in the basement. Yeah, absolutely. He is. Oh, fuck, where's the message you sent me last week? You're trying to find his name.

You've had him on twice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck, where's the message you sent me last week? You're trying to find his name. You've had him on twice. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Fuck, where's the message you sent me? I will say, he did tell me that last week he found it a little bit more challenging because people weren't laughing at the same spots. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said, yeah.

Yeah. I think you'll find today might be even harder. No, because people get a bit nervous or whatever because it's like, oh, they're making him do this. No, man, he gets... This is a sweet gig. You guys are a great audience. Even last week he did it the second time and then he sent me a message and said this. Thanks again for another rad

gig, Carl. I had heaps of fun. I was an atheist for a very long time, but now I really feel like I've finally found my God. Wow. Wow. Oh, this poor young man. Wait until he takes you to his church in the bush. This is my body.

I lay it here for you. Taste the body of Christ. All right, so, Josh, can we have our theme music for this regular segment? And really pump it. And please... And please put your hands together and welcome to the stage, Abhishek Mishra! This is the bit where we let him stand up here while the music's still going. We do this every week.

Good luck up there Great stagecraft That's actually real foley From your shit in the woods I'm getting flashbacks Anyway The homeless man was holding a boom there The whole time from your shit in the woods. I'm getting flashbacks. The homeless man was holding a boom there the whole time. Get out now.

Anyway, enough laughing. He's Abhishek. That's right, that's right. I am here to put an end to all that laughter. I will not take it, okay? I'm serious about this. You're you. You're going to make me cry again.

This is the best idea we've ever had And I gave it to them Carl, we've created a monster This guy's going to be writing jokes for Nazeem Hussain soon I hope Naz likes sperm. Tell us a joke. Oh, that's awesome. Heckling from behind the comedian.

That's good. Well, the way I'm going, Nazeem Hussain might be writing jokes for me very soon. The best crowd. The best fucking crowd. I love them. Man, this guy is good. Hey, I'm hosting

a gig later upstairs. Not later. Now. Mate, you started five minutes ago. Bring the crowd down. We can feel this. Do the sit. Sorry.

I just realised it's really hard to light him from the back of his head. Yeah. You let me know when he lights me, yeah? Yeah, yeah. That's good. So what's happening in life, huh? I have one suggestion. Sperm bank.

No pressure, but speed it up. He's giving it away now. It's called foreshadowing. That was supposed to be the big surprise, you know? Insane. Yeah, so I'm kind of bored in life. I'm just so bored, man. Sometimes you can get really bored.

Enormously bored, some might say. I'm getting it now. I love you. I love you. I love you. I was just sitting there. I love you too, man. This is crazy.

I love that you've had three weeks to come up with that heckle. Yeah, yeah. How did I miss that for two weeks? That's what I love about this concept. You get a second, a third, a fourth go. Sorry, you were bored. Sorry, you were saying. Just bored, man. You know, like you ever bored. Sorry, you were saying. Just bored, man.

You ever get so bored you just start going places you wouldn't normally go to? Yeah, I'm here. Oh, shit. Man, I'm flying you to Costa Mui. Fuck this. Fuck this.

Let's do it. This shit needs to be heard on a beach. Put your money where your mouth is. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so I decided to go to a bank because I was so bored. But hey, not that one. Not that one.

Not the one you dirty, filthy-minded people are thinking of, okay? I'll pay you anything. It's going to be a spin. Oh, shit. How did you guess that? You ruined my bit! You're doing that all on your own, Sam. Well, you didn't see me the last two weeks.

I can imagine what it was like. No, it was good. It was great. That's why he's back. You won't be back next week but he will. There you go. Yeah. He was at least booked before today, you piece of shit.

Because, you know, I don't pull out either From before Oh my god, it's become self-aware Oh my God, it's become self-aware. That's the best callback ever. From before. So you went to a bank? Look, I was just going to say,

I don't think I'm going to do better than this already. No, no, no. We'll do a bit more. Yeah, we're doing it. I'm not missing out on the best gig of my life. Yeah. Okay? You've got a minute. I on the best gig of my life. Yeah. Okay? You've got a minute.

I mean, I've got a minute. Fuck. So yeah, I went to the sperm bank. And by the way, very legitimate sperm bank. I should let you guys know because it wasn't just like any, like in a homeless guy's basement or whatever. Okay?

I went to a legitimate sperm bank with a reception. How does a homeless man Have a basement? You tell us I didn't know That would have been If I had a dog And then had a shit

So yeah All those guys Who don't have a basement I'll put it in there You know Just for you to figure out Yeah I don't want to spoon feed

All of you cunts. Trust me, the kind of stock that I have, you wouldn't want me to spoon-feed you anything. Yeah, so I'm at the... We'll walk up to the reception, right? It's my first time, if you can believe it. Nah, man, you look like the kind of guy that jerks off a lot. And she can tell that just from behind. Well, you look like the kind of chick who doesn't jerk off enough.

Nah, sorry. Have you seen her? I disagree. I don't know. Look at these blisters, mate. You've finally got one wrong. Oh, how wrong you are. And boy are my arms tired.

Hey, I have to go to an actual comedy. Yeah, you better go. Yeah, righto. See you later. Thanks for having me. This is like Carson. Will you invite him to the chair? I think it's about time, right?

It's about time. Alright, come on Abhishek, sit down. We'll hear the rest of the set next week. We've got to finish soon. Send me the picture later. Honestly, if I discover a time machine next week, baby Hitler's living. I'm coming back to relive this moment.

I can't tell which one of you guys is taking the piss out of each other. Neither of us have figured it out. It's a week by week thing. It's alright man, I know someone walked out on you but I cop that all the time. It's pretty bad to walk Harley Breen though

great work man next week man next next week how do you how do you feel like the first three lines of your set

went this way the best the best you know? Never had this much success without doing my bit. Maybe that's a sign. Have you been, like, going to gigs midweek and starting to do the sperm bank bit and going,

yes, I went to a sperm bank and got anything? Where'd everyone go? Five professional comedians doing punch well now I know if I go to a gig and if the Spunbag bit doesn't work

I know the problem is with the crowd I know that much that's right you actually fucking rock this is so good this is great

this is worth your demented brain this is worth the breakdowns I see you have in between times. This is fucking unreal. I'm so sad about last week being the last

time that we get to hear this. What are you doing this time next year? Hey, remember Kosa Mui? Yeah, yeah, of course. Oh, wow. He's holding our feet to the fire on this one. Oh, for now. Jesus.

Should we... Where do we go from here? Abhishek, plug your autobiography and then let's wrap this up. That's what I was going to say. Like, the first... Man, you know who I feel sorry for? The first two weeks ago

we had two comics on. One comic, just, we never saw again. This cunt is just on every week from now on. He must be listening to this. And he's a listener of the show, and he's like, fuck, they never got me. Must be nice. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

He's still got it. Even when he's sitting down He's the third Mike now Alright, well is that going to do us for another week? Guys, thank you very much for listening Big round of applause Guy Montgomery Nita Ryama

Harley Breen And Abhishek Thank you very much for listening And we'll see you next time See you then Harley Breen and Abhishek. Thank you very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you then, mate. And they've done it again. They've done it again. We've done it again.

Some blokes have done the same routine again. There's a lot of it again-ing. Some blokes have done the same routine again. There's a lot of it again-ing. Some blokes have done the same park shitting story again for the second time.

You should tell that now. Oh yeah. This week, next week, this next live show for the third time.

Then we have the sperm bank for the fourth time. And then what was something from this episode that we can do

for the second time? Let's see. Anyway, we just always start a new thing and then the next week we redo it yeah um did anyone do anything any of the guests say anything apart from our bullshit probably not i don't think so no no i'll scroll back through it and find something to repeat i don't think so i think i think as usual we're in the green room. Has anyone got anything to talk about? No. No.

Okay, I guess we've got it from here, I guess, again. I did ask you at the start of the week to have a think, but no. Okay. Yeah. Okay. All good. All good. All right, I guess I'm shitting my pants again. Yeah.

Or ask an open mic and do the same thing again. No, I'm keen to get down to these coordinates. I'm going to follow your dropped pin. Yes. I'm going to try down to these coordinates. I'm going to follow your dropped pin. Yes. Try and find this bush. I'll put this up on, man, honestly, I'm going to put it up on socials, please. I'm going to put, I've done little videos.

I've got a screenshot of the point in the park where it is. We can all meet up and have a candlelit vigil. Should we do a lot? We should do a lot of fog from there. Do a stream. You know what we should do? Do a, there was know what we should do? There was a thing back in the 70s with Geraldo Riviera where he said,

I've done it. I've found the vault that's got all of Al Capone's riches. Oh, yeah. And they did a live show from it. And then they go, check it out. And they open the vault and there's nothing in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That should be that. Yeah, or like those, what are they called storage wars those people that buy like

unclaimed storage lockers and yes hey are you gonna have lots of like expensive old paintings in them or is it just gonna be someone's you know pogs yep yes um that's what it's gonna be well i yeah i'm interested to get down there because what i have not uh said on the live apps is that this park is like right near my old house and so i used to spend a lot of time in there and i think i think i might know the bit of the park that you're talking really because there also were there there were always a lot of homeless people in that park there's like you'll be kind of hanging out and you'll just kind of see in the bushes there'll just be someone kind of like loitering around, lurking around, big plastic bag full of stuff.

Yeah. I think it's a bit of a, cause it's a very nice park. Right. It's a bit of a, it's a bit of a homeless hotspot. Oh, okay. Well, look, these are two massive suitcases and they're quite nice looking ones. Okay. So I think I'm, I'm edging away from the homeless part of the theory.

Yeah. Okay. But I don't know what the fuck is in it. Yeah. Cause I was like, yeah, I'm going to get, I'm going to away from the homeless part of the theory. Yeah, okay. But I don't know what the fuck is in there. Yeah. Because I was like, yeah, anyway. I'm going to get in there. Are you going to do it? I'm going to go have a crack, I reckon.

Because you know what? I went there and I was like, this is good content. I'm going to open the things and find out what it is because I've been talking about it. And I genuinely got there and got scared and went, I'm not opening it. I'm not going to open it. I mean, you do probably need a second person on lookout. Yes. Because it's like, I don't care what I find in there.

That doesn't bother me. It could be anything in there. That's not going to rattle me. But the big fear is like- Nothing could rattle you. Nothing could rattle me. Nothing. At this point in my life, nothing could rattle me.

But the fear is having to answer to someone, hey, why are you going through my suitcase? Right. That's scary to me. I don't think that's the case. So the thing is, since I was there last, it very clearly hadn't been opened. Like they're just fucking shitty suitcases that have been sitting there for ages. Yeah, okay.

I don't think they've been opened. Yeah, okay. I think they've been dumped there. Yeah, okay. Fuck. And it does not feel like there are ongoing movements with those suitcases. Like, oh, someone's opening that up and getting a shirt out and putting something back in. Yeah, okay.

It's like things have been dumped in there. If we opened it up and there was a body in there. Yes. Would we be, I mean, there's an audio record. Yes. Dated, time stamped. Yes. And witnesses of you talking's an audio record. Yes. Dated, time stamped. Yes. And witnesses of you talking about this in public.

Yes. Are we immediately suspects? Well, that's what I said to start with. That's going to put you in there of like, oh, I just was taking a shit. And then the police immediately, they're going like, what do you mean you just had to shit in public? There's a public toilet like right there. Yes. All of those things.

Yeah. I was worried about all of these things from day one. And all of a sudden there's going to be a true crime podcast yeah and then they're going to put snippets of this in where it's like some poor family's been looking for someone for like weeks and months and it's like then here i am going oh yeah and then i took a shit and i saw a suitcase and i ran away because i was a little bit yeah yeah but we often joke about like oh we could turn this into a true crime podcast about this. But it's like that truly is unique. Like the true crime podcast where it's like this morphs into a true crime podcast where

we've just like incidentally been talking about the crime that then we're a suspect within our own podcast. And what's funny is like- And the evidence is just three weeks. Remember when this used to be a comedy podcast three weeks ago? No. Before we told this story and it changed? It'll be the opposite.

It'll be us talking about this. It's like, oh, remember when they just talked about how funny it would be if they opened their suitcase every week? And then it was in the paper and they never talked about it again because legally they weren't allowed to. Yeah, yeah. Everyone else talked about it except for them. Well, what I like about this too is that often our live shows, we do the month and there

might be one or two ongoing things, but for the month and, you know, there's like, there might be one or two ongoing things, but for the most part, it's just like each week. This is what we're doing this week. This is what we're doing next week. We've already got the through line of the sperm bank bit. Now we've got the through line of this. If this ended up as like a Curb Your Enthusiasm season

where it's like this next week, the one we've got coming up, the fourth show, everything kind of has to tie together. Abishek's the guy that killed all the people and put them in the suitcase. We go back there and that's Abishek's home. He's just like asleep in the suitcase. If we can find a way to like bring all these threads together for some spectacular payoff at the end of the season. Abishek's mum and dad are sleeping in the two suitcases.

Yeah, yeah. All right, well, I can't wait to see how we land all these spinning plates this Saturday. Well, you better get your skates on if you genuinely want to go and do it. We're recording this the morning that the episode goes out. Yeah. And as soon as it goes out, I'm going to fucking put it up. Yeah, yeah. I need you to send me the coordinates. Yeah, you need to see it. I'm not just going fucking put it up. Yeah, yeah. I need you to send me the coordinates.

Yeah, you need to see it. I'm not just going and walking around there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to think when I'll go. I'll probably go tomorrow night, actually. Okay. At night? Yeah.

In the dark? I want to have the full experience. In the dark? Yeah. If you go at night, I'll come down with a torch and I'll follow you. Well, I'm just trying to think like, yeah, I'm just trying to... I was genuinely scared during the day. Yeah, okay.

Maybe, yeah, I don't know. I got to work. Actually, no, you know what? I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. My doctor is near there. Okay. So maybe I'll go before or after the doctor. Great.

I can't wait. I can't wait to find out the answer. Well, yeah, I'm going to the doctor to have like a second round of laser surgery, which last time I had it, it completely fucked up my face. I had this big scab on the side of my nose. So maybe if – I don't know if that's going to happen again. So maybe I have the laser and then I go to the park so that I look pretty scary too. That's my level of defense against anyone creeping up on me

is that if I also look fucked up, maybe I'll scare them off. Well, maybe if you look fucked up, it's like, oh, this is where this guy lives. You're creeping around in the bush. It's like, oh, she's going home. Yeah, I'll dress like shit just so I really like anyone who sees me rifling through it is like, oh, there's that homeless guy looking through his own bags.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The perfect crime. Undercover. Looking through his own bags. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the perfect crime. Now, I kind of do, I don't know, I do like the idea of going there at night. I like the idea too. Just to really add to it. I like the idea of it too. That's in my head. I was like, well, if you're doing this, you've just got to really commit.

Yes. And really make it scary for yourself. Yes. I would love for you to do that. It would be, the idea of doing it in the dark is very funny to me. I like the idea that we could send a roving reporter

down there during the show. Yeah. Have someone, Oh, yes. Have someone on the phone. Yeah. Linked up.

Yeah, alright. Why don't I just not drop the pin and not do any of that stuff and send a roving reporter during the live show this week? Yeah.

Should we do that? I don't know who we'll get. I also do want to go though. Okay. We'll figure this out. Yeah. Should we do that? I don't know who we'll get. I also do want to go though. Okay. We'll figure this out. All right. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.

Let us know what you'd prefer us to do. All right. Brisbane. Hey, we've got a live show in Brisbane. What was the date of that, Tommy Dasolo? May the 18th. May the 18th. So it's only a month away.

Yep. Get into it. It is a, we're only one show only. We're not staying there. There's no chance for a second show because we are not staying there because Magic Round in the footy is on and it's too expensive to stay in a hotel room. Yep. So we're straight in, straight out.

So just time enough to do a lovely live podcast. If you enjoyed these runs of this run of live pods that we've been doing, which I think have been fucking really good. Adelaide and Melbourne. Coming in and out and not, you know, not staying there. That's going to make it very cheap for us to fly Abishek up and back. Yeah.

No, totally. Totally. We, no, we're going to Nick Capra. You and me flying Virgin. We put him on a Rex flight.

Yeah. I love that. Yeah. He can be writing jokes for me on that. He misses the flight and then he's just... He's in Sydney. He's zooming in. Writing jokes for us in Sydney.

I'm gay. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, yeah. Okay. That does make sense what you'd be in the sperm bank doing. Yeah.

Get along to that littledumbdumbclub.com while you're there. Why not? Get onto our Patreon. While you're down there. While you're down there. Get onto our Patreon. Patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub.com while you're there. Why not? Get onto our Patreon. While you're down there. While you're down there, get onto our Patreon, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub

if you want to go direct. Sign up, get yourself two bonus mini episodes per week and also go into the draw to get your name read out.

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we would love to see new members sign up and find out the magic that's behind the paywall heaps of good stuff we've been banking a bit of stuff

during the comedy festival with some guests who were here for the month and we won't see the rest of the year basically so yeah it's fun shit thank you very much

to patreon subscriber first cab off the rank this week, Ben Finch. Finchy. Finchy. Yeah. Not a bad name. Ben Finch.

I like it. Yeah. Feels good. What's the way of describing it somehow when you enjoy something coming out of your mouth? Is there a... Because it rolls off the tongue well. Is there a term for that? I'm sure there is.

Just like it's phonetically pleasing. Yeah. Ben Finch. Ben Finch. Finchy. Yeah. David Brent's mate from The Office. Yes.

And... A bird? Is there a... It's a bird. Is there a Finch in American Pie? Is that the guy who doesn't want to shit at school? Is that Finch? I'm not sure if I've ever watched it.

I don't think I've ever watched it. What about the pie in American Pie? Yeah. Yeah? American Pie. Let's have a look. Benjamin. Yes, Paul Finch, played by Eddie K. Thomas.

And what's his story? He's like a real dork. He's the guy who... He fucks Jennifer Coolidge at the end of the film, Stifler's mum. And he has a thing where he wants shit at school. He always goes home to take a shit. And they prank him. They give him laxative.

So he has to shit at school. Okay, right. 2001, baby. Yeah, give him laxative. Oh, okay. Right. 2001, baby. Yeah, yeah. Sounds pretty good. I went to school with someone called Finch, one of many people that you just leave behind in life and go, whatever happened to them?

And then you find out they're in exactly the same spot you left them. I've got a couple of people on Facebook who I went to primary school with, who I guess at one point I just looked up and was like, oh, they're on here, ad. And then never communicated with them. Yes. Had a little look through the photos. Went, well, they look like an adult now.

That's crazy. Yeah. Because I remember them as being five years old. Yes. But now they're an adult. That's fucking crazy. That's great that you reached out. We should catch up.

I mean, you know, last time i saw you were both eating clag we should really never even did that never even like a touch base of like hey man how you been just the ad yeah and the and because also the thing is like i'm on there under a different name like i'm not on there under the name that i was on the school role as yeah and they've still just gone yeah confirm yeah well they Yeah. Well, they're the same as the comedy world where everyone would just go, oh, anyone wanting to be my friend? Yeah, sure.

Adding to the fan base. Early days Facebook. Yeah. If a punner hits you up, I guess you've got to say yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a different time. Yes, no doubt. Yeah, I've had that before where I've unfriended people,

not because I've cropped the shits up, but it's like, why am I connected to this person anyway? Yeah. They'll see me and go, or they'll hit me up and go why did you do that it's like this is the first time we've ever talked yeah why why did we need to be communicated why do we need to be tethered like this yeah um so i think i would struggle to realize that anyone has unfriended me because it that means that you're what like going you know what i mean like going onto their page like going through having a look and being like oh let's put like i don't know it's just such a deep level of interacting with

facebook in 2024 yes it's very like the the people that have said to me oh you unfriend me like it means nothing we're still communicating on here. Yeah. It doesn't, like, I would talk to dozens of people on Facebook that I'm not officially friends with. It just doesn't matter. Those people that you see that are still, like, they're still posting a status update every couple of days. Right. Like, a big chunk of text about their life.

That's insane to me. I don't think I even see that. There's a couple of people on there that I have that are comedians, especially. Oh, good. Like, hi, everyone. Here's, I'm on tour. I'm doing this.

Oh, right. Like, okay, really? Actually, the personal profile page, I mean, this is so in comedy, inside comedy, but yeah, the personal one where a comedian goes, oh, on their personal page, it's like, mate, that's what the fucking fan page is for yeah

what are you doing this for yeah so your auntie can see it yeah is she gonna buy a ticket to your fucking gig in West Wyalong yeah

Jesus Christ anyway who fucking cares comedy end of the comedy festival Tommy it's been a as always

it's a long month everyone's about to not want to do comedy ever again for about five months. I've got to say, it feels longer to me having not done a solo show than it does having done a show. Feels like, yeah, weirdly. That would probably make sense, I guess.

Because there's not a lot of things happening in one day and making it feel like a long day, I think, for you, I guess. Does that make sense? You mean when you do a show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, you do get, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I would have thought, yeah, anyway. Long month, a lot of people,

we've crossed the Tanty line in the last couple of days. Oh, I love that shit. We were talking about that before the show. A lot of people saying, we're not doing Comedy Festival next year, so you better come and see my show now. Yep, the new move there's a bit of um the idea that anyone's sitting there that was like well i won't go because i'll probably go and see their show next year the idea that that's like a conscious thought in anyone's head that then they're like oh fuck well

in that i was just planning on going in 2025 yeah but. But if that's the case, I'd better go now on April 16th. I'd better go and watch this endangered comedy. Because it certainly won't be filmed and put online anywhere for me to just consume from the comfort of my own home. Yeah. I mean, my favourite, we did this, we talked a little bit about this extended-wise on Bonus Eps, but my favourite is always just the person cracking

the shits and and going no one's coming to my show so someone so you guys should all come to my show the absolute last reason that would make me want to go to a show no one's coming to my show oh fuck i better come yeah i better come to the rescue and sit alone in a room to this person who probably doesn't have a very good show because you've just told me no one's coming i think that truly the only person that really works on is like other performers like you do see comics be like okay look this person's having a tough one i'll go support them yeah and so then you just end up doing a show to like eight participant passes and it's like well is this what i wanted yeah i could have just cancelled and yeah had an early night but instead yeah i'm bombing to my peers yeah yeah i'm i'm i'm not going as badly as i was last night but i'm also still not making

any money at all yeah yeah well thanks ben finch thanks finchy um thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Dale Mason. Hmm. Not as good as Ben Finch, I'm sorry. No. But what is? Dale Mason. I'm getting mechanic vibe from this guy. Real mechanic vibe. Yeah, I'm with you.

If I was writing a script, if I had a real like blue coveralls, wrench in the back pocket, covered in grease, calendar of a woman with big tits stuck up on the wall. Sounds great. I'd be going Dale Thomas' mechanic. But, I mean, having said that, I mean... Dale Mason, sorry. Yeah. You are seeing, like, the name Mason.

I mean, that's coming from their great, great, great, whatever it is. That they are a student. I mean, I keep thinking, like, the Masonic Institute or whatever they call it. Oh, right. The Freemasons. The Freemasons. Yeah.

But Mason does actually mean something else. There's like a stonemason. Yeah, yeah. You're right. Which is like a crafter. A person whose trade is building with units of various natural or artificial mineral products as stones, bricks, cinder blocks, or tiles. Yeah, you're right.

That's like the opposite. So there's kind of a... A Freemason. Yeah. Like weird Freemason. Yeah. Like weird Freemason sort of people. And so there's kind of a, you know, you can kind of track the progression from that to like a mechanic, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, it's sort of like the- Makes sense. That's the mechanics of the 14th century. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah. But why did the fucking Freemason secret society,

why did they get in on all this? Yeah, I don't know. Why when cunts were making cinder blocks go you know what let's make a secret society yeah freemason is it i mean freemason you know the whole thing about how you like if you're in the masons you get like you know there's like a little handshake deal you know there was that john saffron thing for a while of like the spaghetti tree in St Kilda being a Freemasons establishment. Yeah. And you would get like a, you know, you'd get a little discount for being a Freemason.

Oh, yeah. So is it sort of like, it's like, hey, if you go to the Stonemason, you get your stuff for free. Oh, yeah, man. If you're like in our little society. Right. Oh, yeah, right, right. It does seem weird though.

Like, you know, today today if there's going to be a secret society it's fucking i don't know people high up in the world like politicians or rich people or whatever it is you don't tend to have like a like you know like we're saying there's no like oh it's secret society i'd love to get in but unfortunately i'm not friends with that mechanic over there yeah well it's dale m. It's the same as there's this great doco on Netflix called The Octopus Murders, which is about this guy who was looking into this kind of government conspiracy and he started getting all these phone calls like, hey, man, don't, you know, I'd leave this alone.

Bad stuff will happen to you. And he was like talking to his brother going like, yeah, I'm getting all these like pretty scary phone calls. Like if anything happens to me, it's no accident. And then like the next day he turns up dead of suicide in a hotel room. And this doco is about like sort of retracing the stuff that he was uncovering and like what happened to him. And it's like that, you know, it's like a matter of record

that the CIA was like MKUltra and stuff. That's like fact, you know, like conspiracy theories used to have like an air of like fun to them. And then now it's like people marching down the middle of Burke Street going like, they're trying to fucking poison us with the vaccine. You know what I mean? The conspiracy theory used to be kind of enjoyable. You could read into it and be like, yeah, aliens. And then now it's just like freaks going like, Dan Andrews is a pedophile.

Like it's just like freaks going like, Dan Andrews is a pedophile. Like it's so hard. I mean, that's the new conspiracy is that those people are a creation of the people at the top level who are doing the dodgy shit. Just to make, you know what I mean? Like if you make all the conspiracy theorists, if you just like put this, if you put this army of them out there that are all insane, then everyone's just going to go, these cunts are off their head and not listen to a thing they're saying. And then you can just do whatever you want. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Loch Ness Monster's real still, in my opinion.

And I'll be talking about that up Bourke Street on the weekend. Yep. Before the live podcast. Yep. That would be actually really fun. We are on at a pretty good time for catching some of those guys still sticking to their guns. Well, we did that. In the middle of the city.

We did it the other weekend. We were sitting before the show outside at a restaurant and we watched a group of five. A procession. Five people. Five people. Like in the old days days they used to have the organized protest and even if there was like 40 people that have to sort of get almost like a license or permission from the police and then they would get security basically the escort up

there but then this was just fucking five people blocking a tram what's the yeah i wonder what the number is that you have to drop below where the police are like sorry fellas not worth our time well it's quite good because we're watching them and just sort of like going wow this is this is a I wonder what the number is that you have to drop below where the police are like, sorry, fellas, not worth our time. Well, it was quite good because we were watching them and just sort of like going, wow, this is a fucking real blowback to it two years ago. Still happening. Yeah. And then we were watching other people just laughing at them. And I think they were like arguing with people on the way past because people were just laughing

and they're like on the megaphone going, stop laughing. This is serious. I mean, when there's five of you, if you're getting the call where you're like, hey, I can't make it Saturday. It's my daughter's netball final. Like I have to be there. Fuck you. Devastating.

Tony, we need you. We really need you. Man, you've got, Tony, you've got to, you're one sixth of the process. You're 20%. You need to come. You're 20% of the march. You need to come. What's more important than this?

Oh, I'm just at the doctor's. Doing what? Oh, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. My wife made me come here to get a tooth out. Yeah. Yeah, not an injection.

Please, Tony. With four people, they won't give us the police escort. Five, we get the police escort. Please. We need you. They'll stone us the police escort. Five, we get the police escort. Please. We need you. They'll stone us in the streets. Yes. Well, thanks, Dale Mason.

Dale Mason. That's you. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Rachel. Just try to guess what the next name is. This is a fun game. Bumhole. Let's see how many. Rachel Bumhole. Rachel Bumhole.

Rachel Bumhole. No, that's not it. I will give you, what about this? Let's play colder and warmer. Okay. With a name. Rachel, you've got to guess the surname. First guess is what?

Smith. Cold. Xenathor. What's warmer than Smith, but it's not warm? What about this? I'm just looking around the room for things. This is a long game to go cold or warmer. Yeah.

Table. Which I like. That's warmer. Way warmer. zenithal yep okay uh chair that's the same amount of warm okay um we got to make this the last yes you got to You've got to do this as critical thinking. What's making this warmer, do you think? Well, I don't know. I don't know what your criteria is. Well, that's what I'm saying to you. You can use critical thinking right now and think,

why am I saying warmer? Well, it's hard to know if it's general vibe or letters, length, if it's a thing. We'll try one of those things out right now. Rachel Bench. Oh. Same level of warmness. You just got to tell me.

I concede. This is a good game. I cannot imagine anyone is finding this enjoyable to listen to. If you played this properly, this would be a great game. I'm finding this infuriating to be on the other side of. This is a great mystery. Guess a name just through warmer or colder. Look, let's do an extended version of this next week or something

because I think this is a genuinely great name. Let's do this on Saturday. Okay. With a live audience. Okay. Why don't you ask questions about the name then? Oh my God. This is good. This is a good game.

How many syllables? Six. Six? Yeah. Oh no, sorry, that's letters. Jesus. Two syllables, sorry. Okay.

Six is a fucking great surname six syllable surname yeah um is it like a

is it a thing yes okay see that's why I was saying warmer before okay um

hmm it's a thing. It's two syllables. Six letters, I found out by accident. Yeah. You can ask yes or no questions. Is it like a... Would you say it's like a pretty...

Oh, no. I sort of know the answer to that. Is it like a... So it's something that's in a house? Yes. Can be, yeah. Is it something that's in a house? Yes. Can be, yeah. Is it something that's in this room right now? To some degree, yes.

To some degree? Yes. Yeah, I'll say yes. Yes, it's a yes. Okay. Is it in my field of vision right now? No. Okay.

Rachel, toilet. That's good. There's no toilet in this room. We're not recording in the bathroom. Yeah, but I said in this house. It's in this house, but it's not my field of vision. Okay. I thought you said in this room.

No. Okay. You can ask more questions. Rachel Kitchen. That's seven. Oh, yeah. Ask more questions instead of guessing. That's what makes a game.

What's a question you could ask me, Tommy? What's the name? No i go now um what's a question you can ask about a thing in this room to narrow down what the thing might be you might want to ask questions that that eliminate other objects in this room or that specify, that will outline that it's in a certain field of objects. Is it something that's in the kitchen? Yes. Is it in the cupboard? Yes.

Is it an item of cutlery? No. Is it a receptacle cutlery? No. Is it a receptacle of some kind? No. Is it an instrument that's used for cooking? No. Jesus. What else is in a kitchen, Tommy?

What sort of genre of object is in a kitchen? Is it something that's in your fridge? No. But it's in one of the cabinets. It's in a cupboard. Yes. It's in a cupboard. It's not a utensil.

I like the idea that Rachel's sitting there going, fuck, is this me? Yeah, that's good. Let us know, Rachel, at what point of this game did you realize that this was you? Or if you're another Rachel. Maybe there's a similarly named Rachel who's on the hook right now. Maybe Rachel Toilet was devastated when she found out it wasn't her. Rachel Pepper?

Yes! Yes! You got it! All right. Well done. Yeah, that's a good name. That's a good game. Yeah, Rachel Salt, Rachel Frying Pan, Rachel Bowl, Rachel Cup.

They're all sitting there going, oh, fuck, they're talking about me. Rachel Shit. It's like, why did you leave that in the kitchen? I was close. Yeah, Rachel Pepper. That's good. That's good. I hope that's a real name.

Yeah, well, you took a bit of time, but I love that the first guess at, like, you didn't even go near food, and then the first guess at any sort of food was pepper. Well, no, because I knew it was in a cabinet. Right. Like, if it had been fridge, I would have been fucked. Right. But, I mean, that kind of threw me off, because the pepper being in the cabinet? Well, it's in a drawer.

It's like it's in a, I don't know what you call it. We just keep our pepper out on the bench. No. Ours is in a, have you seen ours? It's like in a little very thin pull-out drawer that came, that's set up. See that really thin drawer that's like next to the sink? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it just comes out and there's all like salt and pepper and shit in there.

Oh, okay. Yeah, right. Rachel Pepper. Rachel Pepper. Good name. Thanks for being part of that game. That's a good game. I want to play that again in the future.

Guess the surname. I would argue that every game is a good game if you're the quiz master. Okay. Okay, that's fair. That's fair. Well, I feel at the very least it's a good result to be able to go, the answer is Rachel Pepper. To have gotten it makes it all worthwhile.

Yes, totally. This is a very rare case where it actually is about the destination and not the journey. Yes. Thanks, Rachel Pepper. Thanks for playing. Thanks for being played. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Danny Gayler.

Okay. G-A-Y-L-E-R and a d-a-n-i oh yeah so daniel well yeah yeah daniel gala that's um two female subscribers this week and two male subscribers which makes me which reminds me of a picture you put up this week, Tommy Daslow, of you took a picture mid-stand-up routine this week. Mid-sperm bank. Yes, mid-sperm bank. Well, I don't know if we got even close to the middle of the sperm bank routine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But somewhere in the preamble of the sperm bank routine. Yes, or mid-amble. And I did think, because we make a lot of jokes about there being just all guys in the audience and all neckbeards and all that sort of stuff. But that picture you put up, I was like, that was mostly girls. Oh, right. We should frame that. We should go, look at this, everyone.

Yeah, evidence. We have a normal crowd. We do need to do more. I know Tom Gleeson's a big fan of it, the photo of the audience at the end of the gig. I think Celia was doing it this year. We need to start doing more of that, not just for the socials of like, hey, another big crowd, just more to go like, hey, look, everyone,

I know it's easy to make the jokes about the kind of people that come to podcasts, but check out these stunners. Check out these fit birds in the front row. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the ones that people put up sort of that have them in it when they do selfies but the ones where it just is a picture of a crowd i'm like who's this for yeah it's just a bunch of people who what do i fucking care someone on gleason's page and this is like two weeks into the festival was like are you just putting up the same photo every day and it it's like, it's so easy to just have a look

and see that that's not the case. But the front row isn't that far away from where he's taking the photo. Yeah, I agree. But I also get it's like, yeah, why would you bother doing this? Yeah. A different picture of the same boring fucking. I do like that though. Making someone from your management be on deck every night

just to get the photo with you in it, with the audience. Someone having to be there for the last two minutes of the show just to get the photo with you in it. You know what should happen is that someone getting five people a night should do the picture every night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a room that just has four people sprinkled around a 32-seater. Every show should have to do it for transparency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a comedian who put a thing up after their run going like,

yeah, it was really hard and like here's my numbers that I had and like the screenshot of like the full tally of like the full run. And it's brutal. And it's like if you just made every show do that, there's no fake it till you make it. There's no like, yeah, yeah, only posting the photo of the sold out gig yeah there was just trend if there was like a clause in the festival that every show had to have full transparency about how many people were there i think it'd be a better world it would it'd be funny how many were comps it'd

be good to look at yeah how many were comps i would all feel a little bit better about it i did like that the one you're talking about i think was sent to me and uh it was funny because it was like it's like yeah the the stats you're posting up are insane no one came you spend all this money yep and then one of the and people like oh you're poor thing or you're great keep going and then one comment was like yeah yeah, this sounds really hard. You should stop doing this. And then everyone's like, how dare you? That person's great and whatever. And they're going, yeah, I don't know.

You're just, you're showing me the facts and it looks bad. Yeah. But also it's coming from someone who follows this person on social. So it's like, yeah, I like this person, but even though I like you, you should stop doing this.

I just want the best for you. This is bad. I just, if I don't see any content from you ever again, I'll just know that you're off living a nice, healthy, fulfilling life. You're happy. I'll be a tiny, tiny bit sadder without your content, but you will not be in the mindset of needing to put stuff like this up publicly. Yeah.

But Danny Gaylor, thank God it's a woman, we assume, because a fella with the surname Gaylor. Maybe Danny still copped it. Yeah. But I have to imagine if you're a bloke. Yeah. High school's just rough. Yeah.

It's not ideal. It's a character builder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I bet your parents are saying that a lot to you after you come home, just tears in your eyes. Yeah. Dad, can we please change our name?

Yeah. I'm begging you. No, son, it's character building. I went through it. Your grandpa went through it. Your great-grandpa went through it. Yeah. We've already changed your name to Ben from Poofter.

All right? We've already helped you out. Okay? We gave you the choice at your 10th birthday. Do you want to change the first name Poofter or the surname Gayla? And you chose the first name. And this is what you have to learn in life. Yeah. This is on you. You could have been

Poofter Smith if you'd gone differently. You could have been Poofter Smith If you'd gone differently You could have been Poofter not really Poofter just kidding Yeah You could have That was your Get out of jail free card man

You wasted it Oh Danny That's good That's good stuff Thanks Danny Gaylor Thanks Danny Gaylor Thank you for your Ongoing support

Alright one more Yep And then we're done You know what Fuck it I think that was such a good game Let's do it again All right, one more. Yep. And then we're done. You know what? Fuck it. I think that was such a good game. Let's do it again. Let's play one more round of the guess the surname.

First name, Rachel again. Okay. Second name, you have to guess, and it is... Is it something that's in this room? Definitely not in this room. Comedy. Correct. That's it.

Yay! Thanks, Rachel Comedy. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Thanks, Rachel Comedy. Thanks, everyone that supports the show. Patreon.com slash LittleDumbDumbClub. We'll see you Saturday if you're in Melbourne and coming to that.

Otherwise, Brisbane, May 18. And Brisbane and then the Koh Samui. If you've got your ticket, I cannot wait to see you guys there on June 9th or whatever it is till 14th or something like that

yeah I'm not looking at my airline ticket at the moment so I think that's off the top of my head but very excited about that

man it's fucking it's under two months away now it's like six weeks away or something crazy so heaps going on heaps to look forward to we're in a lovely run of form with these live shows.

It's been a bunch of fun. You guys have been all great audiences. Yeah. It's been really good. Yeah. Don't blow it. Yeah. Bye, everyone.