The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 707 - Aaron Chen, Dave Hughes & Danielle Walker

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

It's the final week of our run of live shows in Melbourne and we're joined by AARON CHEN, DAVE HUGHES and DANIELLE WALKER! Tommy's nose is all messed up, the Worst of Melbourne Comedy has come to a very fitting end, Chenny's been opening for an Ex Friend of the Show, Hughesy's been defiling the backstage area of Basement Comedy Club and Danielle's sisters are getting excited for Koh Samui. PLUS we send a roving reporter out to investigate Karl's bush and some special friends join us for Abhishek's final hurrah. Or... is it!? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dum Dum Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Melbourne with guests Danielle Walker, Dave Hughes and Aaron Chen. We have some live engagements coming up. Brisbane, May the 18th. Get on to it. 3pm at the Brightside, Brisbane. Yeah, it's fast approaching, so it's only one shot. It's a small little venue, so get on to it. Yeah, we'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum, but until then, enjoy this brand new episode. Live in Melbourne, Daniel Walker, Aaron Chen, Dave Hughes, and of course, Abhishek Mishra. Enjoy! Hey, mates! Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Dassler and with me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads! Yes, Melbourne! I'm excited! Pumped up. Our final night of this run of the month at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I talked last week.

It was a friend's birthday. A group of my mates came in. Oh, yeah. None of them listened to the show. Yep. They all had a really good time, though. This weekend, they're all off doing something else, except for one friend of mine, who's here by himself.

Yes. Who was messaging me. He was like, yeah, I might come back down. I'm going to come to the show tonight. No offence to you. I mean, you're very funny and the show that you've put together with your friend is really great, but honestly, I just want to see the sperm bank bit again.

We've radicalised him. It only took one episode. Honestly, I feel like this show has got more popular in the last couple of weeks. Why didn't we think of this earlier? I mean, me and you already produced a lot of open mic comedy, but we needed someone else to bring open mic comedy into this show. We never thought to outsource it.

Yeah. God, I'm excited. Do we have any first timers in here tonight? We've been, yeah? As in, like, do you listen to the show? Never. Never. Never, yeah.

Wow. Again, they're always so happy with themselves when they say. But you've been dragged here by someone or has anyone walked in? Sorry? Wow. Again, they're always so happy with themselves when they say... But you've been dragged here by someone or you... Has anyone walked... Sorry? Yeah, I've had an organiser. You had an organiser. Does that mean carer?

Pretty rich coming from us, I know, but still. So is this like what, like a partner or friend of yours that listens who's dragged you along? A big group. Oh, a group. How many in the group? Five. Five.

And how many of the five of you actually listen to the show? Just the one. Just one. That's cruel. The four of you, great friends. The one of you, shit friend. Man, who's the one that listens? Who's the one that listens?

You've got to got some fucking charisma on you to drag four people to say to four people come and watch this podcast you could get for free in four days time yeah

and you don't even and you've never heard it before fucking hell and it's all in jokes that you will not understand yeah is this tethered to something else that you're doing afterwards

so it was like they had to come because of that? Right. What are you doing after this? We're going to have dinner and then we're coming back and we're going to do it. Okay. For shows that they have a chance of understanding. A whole dinner to just apologise for what you dragged them to and be like, I promise

Ray O'Leary will be better. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, guys. You'll get it. He's like fat. It's funny. Yeah. That's part of the course up here, guys. By the way, that's not on me. That's the laugh of recognition.

So that's, you're bad people. He's doing better than us. It's punching up. It's technically punching up. Yeah. Oh, we show us from New Zealand. We're speaking truth to power right now, guys. Believe it or not.

If they told me, put on 50 kilos and you'll be on Have You Been Paying Attention, fuck me, I'm going to the buffet right now. If it was like the boxing, there's like weight classes of comedy. If you weigh this much, you get to do these kinds of gigs. All right, off to Hungry Jack's I go. My comedy has been described as lightweight before. I've got a bit of a fucked up nose at the moment. And I was here earlier.

I was talking. I met someone. It looks like you've been on the piss for about 60 years. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I kind of have. But that's a side thing. I met someone through some other people

and I was chatting to them and they were like, yeah, yeah, it's just, yeah, it's really, God, I feel so much for you. Yeah, it's really tough, isn't it? I kind of didn't know what they were talking about. I was like, I just thought they meant like the overall comedy festival. Yeah, just your life in general.

Yeah, I was like, oh, it's not that, you know, it's fine. It's not that, just doing the pods on the weekends, you know, not doing a solo show as well. You know, like just this conversation goes on and on and on and then he mentions like he's like yeah just it's just it's just awful that people do that kind of stuff isn't it and i'm like oh the no no no the nose is from like i had some laser surgery done during the week yeah and this guy goes oh i'm sorry i just assumed someone had bashed you met me for five minutes and been like,

I mean, I'm getting the impulse to clock this cunt, so it's not hard to assume someone in the street would have done the same thing. So you got laser surgery? That's laser surgery. So is that the finished product? Is that what it's... Is that what it's meant to look like?

I want it to look like this. Right, right, right. It's protection, so no one will bash me now because they think someone else already got to me. Double indemnity. Yeah, exactly. You can It's protection so no one will bash me now because they think someone else already got to me. Double indemnity. You can't bash someone that's already been bashed. Yeah, I'm just going to

get around in a neck brace and a sling and then I can say what I want to people and they're like, well, he's crippled. We can't. We can't kick his ass.

Well, speaking of crippled, the worst of Melbourne comedy came to an end this week and the way it should have. Hey, guys. don't worry. There's plenty of bad comedy to come, all right? What a moment for those four people over there. The worst of Melbourne comedy came to an end.

Boo! What is happening in here? The perfect ending. It did get cancelled on the day. So a lot of people were disappointed but I believe you me, not as disappointed as if it hadn't been cancelled and you had watched it because

I came round to your house that morning to record something and there was an uncharacteristic spring in your step when I walked in the front you were joyous and you turned to me and you went, big news, I just cancelled the worst of Melbourne comedy the weight that had been lifted from your shoulders Turned to me and you went, big news. I just cancelled the worst of Melbourne comedy. The weight that had been lifted from your shoulders.

I know. Trying to convince someone near the end of the festival that has been beaten by doing a show every night and then go, can you think of a completely new character for the next couple of hours and come and do it for five minutes? No thanks. You picking up your kid from school and then just walking around the block coming up with your new character, Gary Dick Sucker,

for that night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Oh, what a relief. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the end of that. So thank you to everyone that did come and sorry for the people that for some reason still thought it was on and turned up. Yeah, one guy, you posted about it in the Facebook group in the afternoon

and then one guy was like, oh, what the hell, I'm on the train on the way from Bendigo to Seattle. Is that person here? Yeah. Fantastic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wanted to come to that, but not to this.

I'll get the train from Bendigo on a Wednesday at 9.30 to see the worst of Melbourne comedy. Yeah, yeah. But not the pod. Very cool. Before we do the guests, I should bring this up. It's been sent to me a bunch of times. But has anyone seen this? On Neighbours, there's now...

Like, we must have a secret listener on Neighbours. There's a new storyline where an older gentleman called Carl is getting around exercising around Ramsey Street and shitting in bushes. Now, that's too close to the bone, right? They cancelled it and then brought it back for this? To just rip off the little dum-dum club?

That's what you get when you get some Amazon dollars behind you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so man, have we got an inside listener? I'm putting it out, if this is being listened to by that writer from Neighbours, if you are really a listener in this show, in the next couple of weeks, I want to see Toadfish get cancer. Because Tommy from before. No, I want to see Toadfish go to the sperm bank

for four episodes in a row. Sperm week on Neighbours. Tune in. There we go. I think we've talked about this before. Obviously, the dream gig for us is live pod at Lasseter's in one episode. Yeah, that'd be good. That'd be good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'd love that. Just as an extra, like picking up Dr. Carl's shit. Putting it in a doggy bag. That would be good. I'm the homeless man guarding the bush. Yeah, yeah. Lovely.

All right. So it was actually Dr. Carl on the show that did it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if a doctor's doing it. Yeah. What do you mean? Well, if a doctor's signing off on doing it. Oh, right.

That makes it okay, right? What? Yeah, but Dr. Kevorkian was killing people. Like, that's... Yeah. I agree with everything he did. I think he's a great man. Yeah, right.

I think he's a hero. All right. Well, yeah, okay. If you're signing off on me doing it, that's fine. There's plenty more where that came from. All right. Shall we get our guests out here?

Sure thing. Great line-up this afternoon. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club Dave Hughes, Daniel Walker and Aaron Chen. Yes. That's for you.

That one's for you. Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah. Congratulations. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Thanks. Some fucking heavyweights up here tonight.

Shennie Baby, fresh off the award for, they give you an award for selling the most tickets and making the most money in the comedy festival. And you... Money wasn't enough for you. You had to grab a fucking trophy on top of that. Got a trophy.

You get to do a speech. Bit of stage time. It's nice. You make a speech for making the most money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you say? I said... Because I was in the room where you give the speech, I said it money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you say? I said, because I was in the room where you give the speech, I said it's...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Really painting a picture. I can see how you've made all this money. It's a room quite similar to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I say to them, I say it's surreal being here, performing to so few people.

I'm like, this is intimate. What is this, a thousand seats? Fuck. They should have an award at the end of the awards for best acceptance speech. That would be good. I was taking the piss. I've got to say, man.

Can you do a different venue next time? Because I live in St Kilda and I drive past the Palais and I see that fucking sign out there. I want to. It's so far away. It's creepy, you know? You don't feel like part of the festival. It's around the corner from my fucking house. Mate, you're doing all right.

You're in this sex dungeon every night. It's fine. I used to be where you were. He used to be you. I used to be him and I didn't enjoy it enough. They never had awards back then. Jenny's getting angry. No, good luck to you.

So you've got to go back to America, yeah? Is that right? Yeah, I am. What advice would you give to me? Don't give him any advice. You're here now. Don't do what I did. So you take your Australian dollars back there, though.

Yeah, yeah, bad exchange rate. Will you leave the money here or will you take it back there? I have to use it over there. Because I don't have really income there. I'm doing like club gigs and they pay like

$15 they're like yeah but you still take the money though yeah oh yeah man what a rollercoaster so you

you know we've known you for a while and for a young Asian comedian to all of a sudden get now I'm white yeah

congratulations dream big you got there you got there comedian to all of a sudden get... Now I'm white. Congratulations. Dream big. You got there. You earned it. Anything's possible. You earned it. Young Asian comedian, all of a sudden we knew you when you were doing small gigs and then you come on here, we give you gigs and then you blow up, you get on TV, now you've gone to America.

It was the gigs that I did here. No, no. I mean with that career trajectory it sort you've gone to America. It was the gigs that I did here. No, no. I mean, with that career trajectory, it sort of seems familiar to me. Feels like you're about two weeks off blocking me on Twitter. Do you hang out with Ronnie Cheng in New York? Oh, is that who I was talking about?

Do you hang out with him over there? I've seen him, yeah. He gives you the time of day? You've been touring with him, haven't you? Oh, is that who I was talking about? Do you hang out with him over there? I've seen him, yeah. He gives you the time of day? You've been touring with him, haven't you? Oh, really? He took me home for a couple of days. Fuck, where? Yeah, I went to Washington, D.C.

January 6th, stormed the Capitol. So glad I don't have to storm the Capitol in Australia. I wasn't going to come and do this pod today, but what they're doing to the president over there, the real president. Very, very disgusting people. Putting him on trial. Very, very evil.

Sad. Very sad. How long does Ronnie give you before he goes on? How long do you get? You get 15 minutes. That's a long time, right? Yeah. Fuck yeah.

What does he say? Like, wind it back a bit? You're a bit too funny tonight? Or how does he go? Do you feel that pressure when you get... I'm stinking it up. He puts me on an hour before doors open. Are they wandering in when you're on? I think that's the tradition.

Yeah, right. He's trying to break you. They want you to kind of like keep them going as they're walking in. How much does he pay you? Oh, great question. Is that the $15 gigs that you're doing? Yeah, he never said anything about payment. How is Ronnie?

Does he ever mention me? Does he ever... I don't know. Yeah, he talks about you all the time. But Ronnie can't hold a grudge, can he? He's like... I've been part of one. It's been what?

Four years, maybe? I haven't talked to him for like four years. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that. He got very angry. Yeah. He's very angry at me and Dave O'Neill and Luke Heggy.

Why is that? Heggy, I think there's no specific reason. Just doesn't like the look of him. He wants to fight him. O'Neill, he got very angry because he made a comment about Netflix. No, it was Comedy Central. Comedy Central.

Yeah, because I remember... No, I think Ronnie had had a go at Australian, maybe ABC, about lack of diversity and then Dov O'Neill screenshot all the bosses of Comedy Central and they're all white. But you know what

the great thing was? He photoshopped it. Did he? It wasn't real. Is that true? No. Ronnie has not forgotten that. Hang on.

Dave knows how to use Photoshop? I know. I think his kid did it. Find that hard way. I think his kid did it. I think he just accidentally cropped out some people. But the funny thing is, Ronnie's on these massive Hollywood films,

like huge, you know, doing world tours. And Dave will do a gig at like fucking, you know, Fairfield or somewhere. Yeah, yeah. And Ronnie will get on his internet. You'll have a crack at him. Yeah. I know, but what's worse?

Because every time Luke Heggie posts something, he goes, I will fight Luke Heggie. I'll bet you $50,000 I will beat Luke Heggie. And then he gets on Dave O'Neill's and everything Dave goes, he goes, oh, wow, amazing, so great. Oh, wow.

You're so successful. Then I put something up and there's nothing. He doesn't even bother with me. And that's like more offensive. Like, pick a fight with me. Can you get him to pick a fight with me? that's like more offensive. Like, pick a fight with me. Can you get him to pick a fight with me? Can you put in a word for me?

I'll try. I'm finding this a hard balance because like, I love Ronnie. He takes me on the road. But then, being at the basement. Fuck. That's it. That's it

That's it baby Yeah The two You know just In between the two titans Yeah But I'll put in a word for you I will plead with him

Please To unblock you Yeah Take me back Whatever I can do Find out what Please just unblock me And start abusing me

On all my posts Please I want that level of hate Yeah So Hughsey You're on in this venue Every night In the comedy Do you find block me and start abusing me on all my posts, please. I want that level of hate. So, Hughsey, you're on in this venue every night in the comedy. I sold out tonight, guys. You can't get in. But tomorrow night, tickets available. Did you find it hot?

Did you find it hot up here? Last night I did, for the first time. I'm not really sweating. I haven't been. I think they might have. Something might have something might have for the listener at home Tommy is donning a Dave Hughes t-shirt the Dave Hughes t-shirt that your street team wear

yeah I think there's one. There's one. We printed one. Honestly, he had to ring my management to get that shirt. Because there's only one. I found out about the existence of this shirt through Dave Thornton. I texted him and said, hey, can you pass me on to the person who has the shirt?

And he goes, I'll work on it for you, don't worry. And then an hour later I get an email from someone at your management being like hi tommy hughes he is okay with you wearing the shirt tomorrow and so i just i'd love to i loved the idea of you just getting a text in the middle of the day hey can tommy daslow borrow the t-shirt of you the first message i got true story was that dave thornton wanted to wear the t-shirt and i said sure i mean and then they said oh oh, no. They got back to me and said, no, it's Tommy Dasolo. Is that still okay? I'm like, why the fuck wouldn't it be?

I tell you what, this T-shirt, they really, this is like, I got handed precious goods when I went in to get it. They're like, now you make sure you give this back to us right after the show. Just remember there's only one of these. So, I don't know, you're sitting on hot property here, Dave. You definitely need that back straight away because, I mean, they've got to go out and publicise, Dave, who's one show left.

Yeah, well, exactly. So, I mean, yeah, I wonder why they didn't print more than one. But, yeah, it looks good on you and I appreciate it. It's good, I like it. It's good. I like it. It's a little cartoon of you. It's right there on the belly. Thank you.

There's a guy who got that actual cartoon tattooed to his arm recently. Yes. Yes, true story. He was at this venue and after he said, can I get a tattoo of you on my arm? I said, do whatever you like, mate. And he got that tattoo. So yeah, he comes to all my shows. But he doesn't really laugh and he sits in the front row yeah we got scared but he's definitely my number one fan

me and tommy have got a lot of fans like that do you mean once a year or like every single night no not every night though he's come twice to the basement. I got him on stage to show him the tattoo. No, yeah, at least once. I remember I did a prime video, like big Netflix, you know, big sort of thing at the Athenaeum a couple of years ago and he was in the front row just staring at me. And I walked on stage and saw him just there and go,

fuck, here he is. And my immediate thought is we can't use any shots from the front row. So he went to that big filming in a big, big theatre and it wasn't until he was here in the smaller basement that he went, now I'm getting the tattoo. This is the time to get inked. Look, it's just great to have fans

and I think now you're my second biggest fan. I am going to make an offer for this T-shirt. I want it. Well, you can make it to me right now. $100. Fuck, that's sold. Yes! Yes!

And the rich get richer. I now get to claim one brick on Hugh's next investment property that is you know what bitch anyone the award and it got me thinking because you have you ever won a comedy award uh no no no and there was years i would have won the award that you won but no but now i've won no i got nominated for for Best Show back in 1999. So I didn't win then, and it was the last time I'd been nominated. It's crazy, because completely sincerely,

I think you are Australia's greatest ever stand-up comedian. He says that, and I don't dispute it. Well, according to the back of a certain T-shirt, you're a comedy icon yeah no i look i i was named a comedy i was named an icon by rolling stone magazine uh there was 50 living icons it's only recently actually and i saw that i saw the front of the magazine at the airport and saw russell crowe's uh photo on the front and thought i just immediately got angry yeah fuck i won't be in there and then someone sent me a message

saying that I was in there I think it was my greatest anyway so but again what I say is I'd like to thank all the icons who've died recently

to get me in that list so quite a few of them but it's crazy you've never won an award like and you don't have a trophy for comedy

which I think is doubly upsetting because you've got so many fucking houses you could house them in yeah no you're right I won an ARIA actually I did years ago I won an ARIA for best comedy release I think is doubly upsetting because you've got so many fucking houses you could house them in. Yeah, no, you're right. No, I won an ARIA, actually I did years ago.

I won an ARIA for best comedy release back in 2004. Oh, right, I was going to say, I don't remember that fucking hit single. Mate, it's back when you could, you know, you'd put out a CD.

The Snake's Alive 7-inch. No, I fucking... I fucking should, I should re-release that you should record store day today you could have dropped it can you

have you ever done a greatest hits show for the comedy festival I did I actually did one a number of years ago now at the Palais actually

Dave Hughes Snakes Alive fucking love the Palais I didn't do as many nights as fucking you did though yeah so yes I did I did

it was in 2011 or something quite a while ago fuck i've been around a long time but i still look so young uh danielle hey you're preparing for the coast and moon international podcast vessel you'll be coming soon yep yes um and you you are i don't know how much of a holiday is going to be because we're putting you up with two of your sisters in the same hotel room. Yes, at my request.

At your request. And you are the most normal one out of you and your sisters, aren't you? Well, yes, in different ways. Casey's like the most bogan person I've ever met. She's the one who caught the baby pig with her hands. Right. And then Tara's like so tara um she decided she read the book everest um and then she decided that she wanted to climb mount everest

um and so she booked in to climb mount kilimanjaro she got the wrong mountain she got the wrong well she thought she decided what she wanted to do was do the seven summits yeah wow and that's one of the seven summits. And then I caught up with her for dinner just before she was going to go and I asked her, I was like, have you been doing any training or anything? And she said, yeah, I've been putting on a backpack and climbing up and down the stairs inside her own house. How many kilometres high is her house? It was just one set of stairs.

She was just climbing up and down and then day two of the trek she had to get carried down the mountain. And my cousin Brittany did that trek on year 12 high school camp and she did it. No training. How many days was it meant to be? Supposed to be like eight.

Yeah, right. Day two. She said it's because the altitude medication made her sick. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, it made her sick. I disagree. Kosa Mui is quite flat, so she'll be okay there.

She'll be fine. There's not really any hills. Is she your older sister? No, they're eight years younger. They're twins. Oh, wow. Yeah. There you go. Actually, you know what? Your room is upstairs, so she could get some training in for the next... Oh, great.

For Everest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll be good. Are they rat with your career? Are they so proud of their sister? Yeah. But they don't really, like, get it. How old are they? They're 24 really, like, get it. How old are they? But that's fine.

They're 24 soon. They should get it. Yeah, no. They're 24 soon. You mean on the trip? 23. Oh, their birthday's while we're away? Yeah, that's why I invited them.

Oh, right. So do they know much about what they've signed up to come along to? No, they have no idea. They think it's just you guys going on a holiday. Yeah, and I got a message from my mum that said, well, would it be nice for me to be invited, wouldn't it? They have no idea. They think it's just you guys going on a holiday. Yeah, and I got a message from my mum that said, well, would it be nice for me to be invited, wouldn't it? You can still invite her.

I mean, you've only got one room. No, no, no. Keep hauling the room. Get Grandad in there. No way. Grandad's never been on a plane. Great. Oh, no, he's been on a plane.

No, actually, I don't think he has been on a plane. But he's never been overseas before either. He'd have to get a passport. It'd be a nightmare. Yeah, yeah. He couldn't deal. You'd have to yell really loudly all the time because he's got tinnitus from all the shooting. But once you tell him about Pig Island,

surely he'd be into that. Oh, yeah, don't bring Grandad to Pig Island. No, no. Because of all the shooting. Yeah. It'd just be that. Oh yeah, don't bring Brenda to Pickle Island. No, no. Because of all the shooting. Yeah. It'd just be Island. Yeah. Hey mates,

dropping in mid-episode to let you know, of course, if you're loving listening to this live recording of the Little Dum Dum Club, you can be a part of one of these

if you're in Brisbane. That's right. 18th of May. It's fast approaching Brisbane and surrounding areas. Get into it. They're always fun in Brisbane. You guys are always a great crowd. It's always a good hang.

So don't miss this one. The Bright Side, May 18th. Selling quick, filling up. Smaller venue. The return to the Bright Side. Great venue. Fond memories of the last time we were there. Well, not so much. selling quick filling up smaller venue with the return to the bright side great venue fond memories of the last time

we were there well not so much but yeah it's a good place good hang and also Tommy yep

if you're in Melbourne and anyone else you know Tommy that you want to invite we're going to have a little official going away party for the

creatures of habit band and bar room Kosamu International Podcast Festival and we're going to have a little official going away party for the creatures of habit band and bar room kosamu international podcast festival and we're going to do that by having a little going away party slash live recording of talking dum-dum yes on june 1 the saturday afternoon before we go to kosamu we're gonna we're gonna go and do that you can come along and watch your least favorite part of the show recorded live and be like, you know what? I'm happy these pricks are leaving the country. Yes.

It's going to be fun. It's going to be very cheap. It's going to be $10 and that's just to cover the tech, that sort of thing. But we want to do that for our esteemed sponsors. Yes. The Creases of Habit Band and Bar Room, so that we can give something back and make sure they're getting their money's worth from the sponsorship.

Come down and have a beer. We'll have a couple. This will be good because the venue is so close to my house. Normally when we do these live shows, I'm so stressed about forgetting stuff that I'm going to need. But I can just walk out my front door without a care in the world. Your missus can throw it to you. Exactly.

Yeah, she can roll it down the slight incline between my house and the Creatures of Habit bar and band room. That's right. So that's Saturday, June the 1st. What time? 4 p.m. 4 p.m.

Yeah. Get around that. Come and check it out. Come and have a little drink with us. And yeah, check out this great bar that's been kind enough to sponsor part of the Coastal Millie International Podcast Festival. And it's open to people who are going away to the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival

or people who just want to say bon voyage. Yep. So if you're coming along, come and say goodbye to us and we'll see you in five days or whatever it is. Yep, exactly. Or fuck off. Yep. And now on with the show. Should we

cross to someone? Yeah, we've got a roving reporter out in the street. Should we cross to someone? Yeah, we've got a roving reporter out in the street that we've got to... What's that for? You don't know what this is yet. This could be really nice and uplifting. We're supposed to be

doing a live cross to a roving reporter. He's been sent the coordinates. Yep. Of a certain cross to a roving reporter. Yep. He's been sent the coordinates. Yep. Of a certain bush. Of a certain bush. Yep. Oh, yeah, yeah. We've got reception.

Yeah, yeah, we've got... Okay. Alright, I'll ring him right now. Get him on the line. Let's get him on the line. That whole message exchange was Cameron saying, you there? Oh, no.

You said, you there? And then Cameron... I shouldn't say the name of the guy. Hello? Are you doing the show right now? Yes. I don't even know who's on.

Is Highway on? Yes, Highway's on. That's you, Highway. Yeah, I know. I'm proud to be Highway I'm in the park I think I'm where you said it was I just want to say I've never been here before this is my first time

being here and I've walked past three public toilets three very obvious public toilets so I don't know what the fuck mission you've sent me on here but Yes Can you see any suitcases there? Or huge shits No the guy's not always guarding it He was just there that day. There's a little hole, and I think I took a picture of the hole

and I sent it to you so you could recognise it. And then there's two suitcases in there. Can you see the suitcases in there? I'm heading towards the hole Do I have to go all the way in? Yeah, yeah That's where the suitcases are We need to know

I was too scared to open the suitcases I just realised We gave Cheney, Danielle and Husey no context No I've never seen three people look so bewildered Weeks and weeks ago Weeks and weeks ago, I... Two weeks ago? Well, two weeks.

Weeks ago. I really needed to go to the toilet in a park and I went in a bush in broad daylight and when I got in there, I got really scared because there was two big suitcases and I thought there were bodies in there and I did a big shit and then I ran away. And I really wanted to know what was in the suitcases.

This is in the city? Why would you have done the shit right near the suitcases? That's someone's home, mate. The king of property gets it. By the way, you can't buy this bush, Yuzi. I wee in a park a lot, but I always look for, you know, you don't wee where people put their stuff. You wee in the park a lot.

I thought someone might have been following me when I wee'd in a park. Anyway, look, I wee a lot where I wee... Every night, guys, behind that little curtain there is a little room, a little storeroom, all right? So you guys come in here and then to get to the toilet is a bit... So I weigh in a glass most nights. You do not. Are you serious?

Are you real? Yeah, I do. And then afterwards I walk out with my glass and I hope people think it's vodka or something. And then I go to the toilet and I pour it down the sink and... Are you joking? Problem is sometimes I forget that I've weighed and I pour it down the sink. Are you joking? Probably sometimes I forget that I've weeded and I leave it there overnight. But I, I, I'm the good guy now.

Are you fucking joking? You came in the other day. Oh, sorry, Cam, you're still there. You came in the other day and said we've got to start the show and I said I'm just weighing into a... No, you didn't say that. I was turned around, though, wasn't I? No, you were turned around.

Because I walked in and I said, is Yuzi ready? And Adam Rosenbach walks out and goes, you don't want to know what he's doing. And for a second I thought you were having a wank. But it was worse. No, it wasn't worse. It was respectful. Yeah, I can make...

Anyway, back to what's Cam doing. But just a glass that, like, you guys are drinking out of right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys may have drunk out of this glass. Can you... I don't fucking wash the glasses here! Hey.

Hey, Hughsy. Hughsy. I pissed in that bottle. Well, it's a nice drop. When you do the Pele, you can piss into Anusha's hands. Fuck! Fuck! Let's get away from this.

We'll be back here one day. Do you still use urinals? I enjoy a urinal, yeah. You do? Yeah, but I like weeing outside. Who likes weeing outside? Yeah, if you've got the opportunity, take it, I say. It sounds like you like weeing everywhere except the toilet.

I will, yeah, at home I prefer to wee outside, I'm not going to lie. But, you know, I've worked hard to... Absolutely. We've grown, you know, trees in the backyard just so I have that privacy. No. That's crazy. In winter? Yes, absolutely.

As long as you don't get your feet wet. I like when you said you've grown trees specifically so you can have a weed yeah I have you've been like waiting for 20 years for a sapling to grow so you can piss on it no it just makes it easier

because there's flats you look down but then if there's you know yeah that's right but in New York it'd be hard to weed you'd have to weed

it's hard to find a toilet the whole city's a toilet sometimes but um so Cam's on the line Cam's on the line Cameron are you still there Mr Bone

yeah Sometimes, but... So Cam's on the line. Cam's on the line. Cameron, are you still there? Mr Bone. Yeah. It's really good. This show, you might... It feels like you're listening to this show via podcast at the moment. It does. It's a really great show. Okay, I'm outside the bush. I found the hole.

Do you want me to go in? Yes, please. That's where the suitcases are. So there should be one near the it got redecorated last week so there's one near the entry on your right hand side there's so many people walking past

sorry? there's so many people walking past so it's nothing illegal about walking into a bush I think yeah but it's sus I'm waiting I'm waiting

I'm going to wait until people walk past. Why? Also, I went to Haig's chocolates on the way here. Why? Because I just wanted to buy some chocolates. So now I'm bringing the chocolates into the shit bush. This is going terribly.

All right, I'm going in. Okay, great, great, great. I'm going terribly. Alright, I'm going in. Okay, great. Great. Nice. Great. I'm going in. Can you see the suitcases? There's one close on your right-hand side and far away on your left-hand side.

I also have a question. Is Carl's shit still there? Oh, yeah. Can you see any shit? Jesus Christ. Oh, fuck. It doesn't smell good in here, guys. It doesn't smell good in here guys It doesn't smell good

But it is a really good spot to take a shit Thank you Thank you Finally someone on my side with this story Carl I found the suitcase Yes Can you please open one of them Fuck I feel like Grant Denyer.

Oh my god. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh no. Have you opened? Have you used the Z? It's, it's, oh, I'm really scared. We all are. Yeah. I am. That's why I'm getting you to do it.

I'm tapping the, I'm trying to find the zipper Oh, shit Dude, there's no The zipper's on the underside of it I don't want to flip it over You have to How big is the suitcase? It's pretty big

They can have bodies in there? It's pretty big. They could have bodies in there? It's really heavy. Yeah. It's really heavy. Yeah, I know. It's a scary weight, isn't it? It's a scary weight.

Yeah. Did you... I didn't do it. What did you... I didn't do anything. The only fingerprints on that suitcase now is yours. Oh, fuck. I don't know if I can do anything. The only fingerprints on that suitcase now is yours. Oh, fuck. I don't know if I can do this. You have to.

Cam, please. It's just dawned on me that we've charged people to pay money to sit and watch us talk to someone on the phone. You've got to help us out. We need an end to this thing. Oh, fuck. Jesus. Oh, fuck. Jesus. Oh fuck.

Okay, it stinks really bad. I think it's just, it looks, it's wet and it looks like clothes. It just looks like clothes. Have you opened it?

Yes. Okay, thanks. Have you opened it? Yes. Okay, thanks. It's really gross. So it's just wet clothes? I think so.

Can I go home? All right. It's just wet clothes. All right, all right. Well, just bring them back and we'll see you soon. You could take a photo, couldn't you? Take a photo.

Take a photo. Okay, I'll take a photo. Alright, I've got to go. I hate this. Thank you, Barney. Thanks, Cam. That was exhilarating. Yeah. The first time is that's what we do every week, guys.

Open suitcases around the city and have a bit of a disappointing ending. Whereabouts in the city is this bush? What's it called? Fitzroy Gardens? Yeah, it's the park just up there. Treasury Park. Oh, okay. Someone's been looking for my shit.

And that was real, yeah? He was there. Yes. Yeah. That could have been a radio play. I don't know. I was waiting for gunshots. Hughsey, by the way, I just have to say,

two years ago, almost exactly to the day I reckon, you came on a live podcast and you told another story about pissing into a cup backstage at a venue. So this is not a first time for you. This is an addiction. Did you just Google that? No, it's not. It's just, you know, you get nervous before you're on stage, don't you?

Even after all these years. I just use the toilet. More often than not in a venue, there's a toilet that you can go and use. I just use the toilet. More often than not in a venue there's a toilet that you can go and use. That is true, absolutely. I'll just stride through tonight.

You'll what? No, I'll stride through to the toilet. Drive through? I want to drive through a toilet. I will... No, whatever.

Just keep this one and then nobody's going to drink out of that. That's a bit tricky. How wide is the opening? Does that get bigger with age? You just... Loosey-goosey.

My head is shaky, you know. Yeah, no, it's... Anyway. Just show me... I'm not going to show you how I wait. That's a weird request. Just so I know, because sometimes I go backstage during your show, where do you keep the cup full of...

On the ledge, this wall. On this wall. Yeah, the ledge. Okay. Yeah, but it's probably not there now. No, anyway. Hey, I'll ring Cam James and get him to go and look for it. Yeah.

Anyway, I mean, it's a showbiz. Have you accidentally forgot that it's your piss and you know No I did one venue once Pete Hallier did drink out of it No Yes Oh that's right

Yes Yeah that was years ago Fuck I have been doing it for years Yeah that's weird There is a Is it time to get our... Yeah, maybe it's time. Yeah. It does feel like people just have been waiting for that, honestly.

I'm excited about this. We've just been a big support act in waiting for the big man to come and headline this gig. God, that's huge. We've got, for you guys, I don't know if we've explained properly, we did an audition for Worst of Melbourne Comedy, this great, awesome show. They got finished its run this week.

The PC police shut it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't say anything anymore because people don't want to do it. So we auditioned people and this young man nailed it on the first week, then requested that he come back and do the exact same set

the next week did that then requested to come back last week and do the same set and so we've had him back we've got him back again now we've all heard it three times

you guys haven't heard it and he's about to hit the stage now I guess yeah Caitlin can we get our theme music for this part of the show? And please welcome to the stage, Abhishek Mishra! Yeah! We want the whole theme song.

Why wouldn't we want this guy to have the music played over the top of him for five minutes? Are you crazy? The music is a big part of my act. Without it, I would bomb hard. So thank you for whoever's playing the music, man. You've been saving me for three weeks. Yeah, I know you guys are eagerly waiting to hear what's happening in my life. I hope nothing new. It's the same old shit, man.

I'm bored in life. You're bored. Sorry, Abhishek. Sorry, I forgot to say. Just pause for one second because this is the hottest show of the festival now because you're involved. And we've got these guys up here to sit here and chime in, whatever. But we've had requests from all over the festival. So this is the last show.

So we're going to get reinforcements. They all want to get on stage as well. So please welcome to stage Tom Beller, Nick Cody and Nazeem Hussain. Maybe it's not Nazeem you're saying. Also, I do just want to quickly say, Abishay, before we get started properly, this is the last week of the residency and what a great time we've had.

I feel like it's been such a shot in the arm for this podcast and obviously a new superstar is born. The sky's the limit from here and I think we're looking at a new superstar is born. Like, the sky's the limit from here and I think, you know, we're looking at a new future superstar of comedy and so what every superstar of comedy needs is obviously their own merchandise

with a cartoon with a character of them on the top. So I've got five of these in here. You guys want to deck yourselves out with the latest. He's already got more T-shirts than I've fucking got. I was very excited for this.

I've been listening for the last three weeks and I went and introduced myself to Abhishek before and he said, are you a comedian? So now I'm going to fucking I'm going to absolutely fucking kill him. I apologise that I was late. I was just buying some cum in the middle of the day.

That's why I was running late. I was the first. I believe it's called lunch. There it is! There it is, you ugly, bug-eyed cunt. I was the first guest on this pod and he's going to be the last

after the crimes that are committed in here this afternoon. Sorry, Abhishek. Please carry on. Please. Yes. Sorry, sorry, you were bored. I just want to shout out Husey's commitment to putting on the T-shirt over his... Sorry, you have a shank. Please carry on, please. Yes. Sorry, sorry, you were bored. I just want to shout out Husey's commitment to putting on the T-shirt over his sling.

He doesn't even need the sling. No, no, I do need the fucking sling. Your arm's been good for nine months, Husey. Don't you call this a compo climb? I need the sling. Ballard and I just here from a current affair. We're catching it. Look, you may see me take the sling off on the way back to my car,

but that's just what I do. Everyone's got a shirt except Ballard. Couldn't you get it printed onto a tent? That's not nice. I take it back. I take it back. I thought we were here for friends. Hey, you done a shit in any bushes lately, you fucking freak?

Honestly, I currently have food poisoning. So I might need to after this. I wasn't talking to you, Danielle. No, but I might. Okay, great. Well, I'll meet you there. I'll meet you there. great. Well, I'll meet you there.

She just said to me, you'll eat her shit. I said, I'll meet her there. Have a sling for your ears, buddy. Alright, sorry, I've interrupted. Sorry, Abhishek. So we didn't think this through. I meant to tell everyone to be quiet. Sorry. And I've never seen a Hawaiian shirt at night.

I'm preparing for Koh Samui. Koh Samui. Or I might say the creatures of habit present. Yeah, Koh Samui. Thank you. Thank you. I like how there was a T-shirt for everyone except me. Anyways, so yeah, I've been bored a lot.

Except for the last few weeks. The last few weeks have been the greatest. So yeah, when I'm bored, I like going places I wouldn't normally go to. Right. Like,

I was at the bank the other day. Ah, yes. And yeah, but this time, you guys already know what kind of bank. Come on,

there's some of us Every time, it's got to be like the fucking first time. First time, yeah. Exactly. All right. Exactly. Stop.

Those people have never heard this before. Stop playing to the back of the room, Abishek. I don't know what bank it is. You're a fucking professional. It's on your shirt. I wasn't at the... Abishek, you can't get up on your Netflix special and go, oh, you guys have heard this before, but anyway. Sorry, Hugh's just read his own T-shirt

to figure out what kind of bank it is. The sperm bank. There you go. Spoilers. T-shirt, spoilers. Step all over his punchline, Hughsey. Sorry, man. I'll be writing better punchlines for him in the future.

It's going to happen. Because, yeah, like, here's why I went to this firm bank. Because I don't want to go to a regular bank and be even more bold. That's why I went to a fun bank, you know, where I won't be judged for doing the thing every man in this room enjoyed doing.

And who knows it better than Dave Hughes? Yeah, yeah. He likes the peace bank. Yes. I've been left-handed for a few Bank. The broken arm, yes. You all know how that happened. So, yeah. Hang on, hang on, hang on.

How did it happen? How did it happen? I'm married, mate. Let's just say that I saw it happen At a kind of a bank Let's just say I was there And that happened And he's back Yes

Don't stray too far from your core values Now back to my set Get Cam back on the phone He'd love this This is more of a disaster than what he saw So yeah I went to the bank A very legitimate sperm bank back on the phone. He'd love this. This is more of a disaster than what he saw. So yeah, I went to the bank,

a very legitimate sperm bank, right? With like a reception. You know, that's how you can tell it's legitimate. Yeah. And yeah, and I walk up

to the reception and that's right. Very legitimate. Yeah. And I walk up to the reception and there's a lady there. Boring. Yeah. And I walk up to the reception and there's a lady there. Boring.

Hey. Oh, ladies are boring. I get it. It's funny. Chandler, I'm sorry. I'm just like, I'd seen the Mona Lisa online, but then when I went to the Louvre, it's like, you know, smaller than you imagined.

Yeah, yeah. If only Hughsey could go to the Louvre. That's something. I want to know more about this lady. She was the kind of lady, like, if you're a sperm bank, you wouldn't need any other magazines, I guess. I don't know, yeah. Really painting a picture.

That's the kind of lady that was. And you can now imagine whoever you're imagining in your head right now. No, thank you. No, thank you. No, thank you. You just took the mic away from Yuzi to say no, thank you. All right, there was a dude at the reception.

Now they're talking. This festival's gone fucking woke. What happened to men coming over ladies? I was going to say, with a sperm bank, is there an interest rate? And then I thought, oh, there's a big interest rate for Tom Bella. That's... Boo.

Yeah, and so when I was there, she... Sorry. No, no, no, I'll give you time to laugh. Like, trust me, take all the time you need. That's good, that's good. Can I ask you, what if... What would, like, an illegitimate sperm bank

be? In, like, a homeless guy's basement That would be a very illegitimate sperm bank But a homeless guy doesn't have a basement, does he? Yeah Sorry, Hugh's is interested in buying a house off a homeless man What aspect is the basement facing? buying a house off a homeless man. Yeah.

What aspect is the basement facing? I've got to let them finish. It's going good so far I think I like it Yeah yeah This is in my top four times I've heard this joke Yeah so And when I woke up

To the reception The lady asked me a question That I wasn't really expecting Right Because she asked me What question that I wasn't really expecting. Right? Because she asked me, what is the purpose of your visit? Anna, sperm bank. Yeah, that's crazy.

And I was like, because it's my first time there, if you can believe it. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. And I asked her, like, what are my options? And she said, well, you my options and she said well you can either donate a sample or you can purchase some. What? Hold, wait for it, wait for it. The catchphrase is coming.

Are they really doing that? And by the way I looked it up the place is open Monday to Friday from 9 to 5. Who the fuck is buying cum in the middle of the day? Yeah! Woo! We are the champions, my

friend. And we are the champions. Okay, we stopped. All right. Can we ask about that? About this concept? Who is buying sperm in the middle of the day? What time do you think people should buy sperm?

What's a good time to buy sperm? Here's the thing. Remember back in the day when you had to go buy porn from the back of a DVD store? Yes. And it was, like, you would be scared even at night? Yes. You'd, like, do it? Like, that's where the concept came from.

But that's, but that's, are you? You said this was a legitimate sperm bank. Do you think? That's what I'm saying. Do you think the sperm bank is through some beaded curtains at the back of the regular bank? Like, do you think customers are buying... Which bank? Cum Bank. Commonwealth.

2025 Most Outstanding Show winner, everybody. Do you think that people are buying sperm to jack off over well she gave me the option right so I'm trying to think of every possible scenario like that can like where I can use it but you did ask the question

do you reckon if she buys your cum and then you buy it back do you get the same price or is it like when you drive a car off the lot? That's another thing. Depreciate. Just cum depreciate. Yeah.

Yeah. And I had like another thing because like when I talk about the menu with like prices written on it, is it different by ethnicity? Because in my head, in my head,

the black guy's cum is more expensive than the white. I know you guys are all white by the way. I see it. But in my head, the black guy's cum is more expensive than the white. I know you guys are all white, by the way. I see it. But in my head, the black guys' gum is more expensive. I don't know why.

Okay, I have a feeling that you didn't actually go to the sperm bank. Yeah. Because I have a feeling that they're called fertility clinics. And they do sort of vasectomies and IVF as well as sort of, yeah, I don't know. But maybe we all got to do some research. Where did this story come from? We're trying to figure it out. It came from a real sperm bank.

You actually went to a sperm bank? I went to a sperm bank. Or did you just think it would be funny if I bought some cum? No, no, no. I went to a sperm bank. Yeah. I was good. I was good.

Everything I talk about on stage is 100% real. That's why we love you. You tell truth to power. Don't listen to her. She doesn't know what she's talking about. I believe all women. I am jealous. My boyfriend got a vasectomy.

Yeah, that is true. Oh, yeah. I am jealous. My boyfriend got a vasectomy. That's true, isn't it? Yeah, that is true, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Two years ago. Just catching up, sorry. Right, yeah.

G'day, Jenny. Hi. G'day. What a great way to bond. Oh, Cam's back. Hey, Cam. Hey, Cam. Do you want to hop up? Do you want to come up here?

Nice, you've got more people on the stage. Let's go. We need more. We need more. How are you, mate? Where's the chocolate? I just put it in my bag. It's over there. How's it going?

Have a shake. Man, great so far. Okay, okay. Killing it. Killing it. That's what you should tell everyone. Okay, okay, cool. How far into the joke am I?

It's hard to tell. I guess time's irrelevant. This is shit inception. There's bits and bits and bits. I love it. I can't tell whether he's bombing or we're bombing. He's killing. Yeah, yeah, he's killing.

That's right, he told us. Yeah. Have we ever got further than this into the joke yet? Have we ever... Is this going to be new for us now? Yeah. Oh, sorry. Sorry, I don't listen to the show.

Sorry, guys. Mate, this is foreplay at the sperm bank. Come on. Let's finish it off. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, how do I even order it? They don't have a menu, right? Price is written on it,

so I don't even know which one to buy. They do have a menu. Yeah? Price is written on it, so I don't even know which one to buy. They do have a menu. Yeah. So you can read the genetics that you want to put into your pussy. Wow. It's literally a menu. I can't believe we've got a fap checker here. I'm autistic!

we've got a fap checker here. I'm autistic. But not even the type that wins at the casino. Just knows different cums. I'm a cummer, sir.

For some reason I prefer the guests from last week. That's hurtful. Maybe it's just me. I don't know. Sorry. But that's fine You know we got a fact checker

Yeah Did you buy any cum or not? Brother I got a slab waiting in my car Yeah Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. Well, I didn't know Dave Hughes was going to be here.

I would have bought two slabs. Notorious cum drinker, Dave Hughes. I've got to come in some glass in the background. I know I gave it to him. This is the beginning of a very long friendship. If you guys can tell. You know, like, yeah. Plenty of fans standing behind me

and all that. Yeah, man. See, our lives been going good, man. Yeah. Haven't been bored? Yeah. We did better.

We're just going in for a second. Let's just, let's just get one more out of him. Man, I just really hope I got one of the T-shirts, bro.

Like, I really like it, you know. I want one. You deserve all the T-shirts, Abish. Hey, guess what? After this gig, I think you hope I got one of the T-shirts, bro. Like, I really like it, you know? I want one. You deserve all the T-shirts, Abhishek. Hey, guess what? After this gig, I think you'll find about five of them on the floor in the room. Covered in Dave Hughes's piss.

Ironically, I'm going to use this as a cum rag. Ignore him, Abhishekk he's not a comedian unlike you my friend that's got to be it Abhishek everybody I was going to say I was going to say should I was going to say, should we get him to do the bit?

Should we get him to do the bit again? But he probably needs a bit of a rest, like recharge. He couldn't do it again straight away. He needed to take a bit of a break. If he tries to do it now, he'll be thumbing it in. You know, it's not the same.

Yeah. Yes. Well, I mean, that's great. I mean, that's the last time we get to hear the bit, which is a little bit sad, I guess. No. Come on, Carl.

Now we can kill ourselves and have no regrets. Yeah, exactly. Unless, should we bring him to Koh Samui? Yeah! Yes! Yes! He's not even fucking going. Here's the deal. Here's the deal Here's the deal

We'll go halves I'm going to hit go on a GoFundMe People chuck in five bucks No more than five bucks Just chuck in five bucks And all we need to raise is like five hundred dollars

and we're going to do the rest And by the way we haven't asked him yet Hey Abhishek Yeah Do you want to go to Koh Samui? Yeah, sure. Haven't mentioned a date yet, so there's a lot going on.

When is it, June 9 to 14? Are you free? June 9 to 14. Don't play hard to get. Do you have a job? Yeah, I do. Where do you work? The sperm bank? Yeah.

More of a sperm not-for-profit. Yeah. Where do you work? I do software. You do software? Okay. Well, you've got to do hardware to get to the sperm bank. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Clever stuff. do you want to go

yeah sure but also he's in software he's got fucking money so do you by his own fucking dick Hugh's he actually did IT at uni I did for six weeks in 1989. Bella, do you want to do the bit or should I do the bit?

I know it's Abhishek-ish. It's from Dave Hughes' CD, Whatever, from 2003. He'd turn up to class and go, I'd root her, I'd root her, I'd root her. A lot of theory, fuck all practical. That's good. I'm going to do that again in this room later on. Yeah.

I was the first uni to go to uni. First one to drop out too. I was studying computers. I thought, fuck, there's no money in this. Who knew? Who knew? I fucked it up. You're a good crowd, never forget that. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. That toilet's too far away. This glass will do. I don't have to be on stage at all. Alright, it's going live. Go fund me. If people over the listeners, if anyone wants to do, put $5 in.

And if we do that, if you do that, we'll do the rest of it. And we're going to bring him to Koh Samui. And we're going to hear the sperm bank routine on the beach. On the beach. Every night. Every night for a week.

That joke needs to go international. It's on our Facebook page right now. I'll put it on Insta later. That might be the dumbest thing we've ever done. I can't wait for at the end of the week when we walk down the market and there's bootleg Abhishek t-shirts being sold.

Also, I love that in the open mic scene, he's been doing comedy for six months. He's been getting to do this gig. All the open micers are spewing that he's gotten to do this. And now we're flying him overseas. Open Micers is going to be a fucking big hit on Lifeline this week.

We are fucked. We are so fucked. There's proper full-time famous comedians that were begging us to come to Coastal Moon. We said no, we're bringing this guy. For having the initiative to respond to a Facebook post that said, are you bad at comedy?

Yes. And people were saying, is this bullying? It's like, well, look at him now. When I was six months in, I wasn't getting flown to Koh Samui. I was getting not booked at the Exford. I just thought that post was you being normal. I, like, sent it to a few open micers just being like, Carl can be a bit weird, but, you know, you should ask him for a gig.

Yeah, but look, man, it's a fucking, what a success story. All right, guys, well, watch this space. Get on the, it's in the Facebook group and stuff. It's on the Facebook fan page right now. Yep, get on there. Don't chuck anything big in. Chuck five bucks in if you can afford it, and then let's make it up, and we'll do the rest.

Great. All right, we'd better wrap it up for another week here on the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Big round of applause. Dave Hughes, Daniel Walker, Aaron Chen, Nick Cody and Tom Ballard, and, of course, the great man, Abhishek Mishra. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate.

And they've done it again. They sure have, Tommy. Wow, what a run. What a run. A four live podcast in Melbourne. Heaps of fun, as always. Downstairs at the Basement Comedy Club. Great guests.

Great little discoveries we've made this festival as well there is something very poetic about the fact that we're recording this bit now in the venue where the episode that people heard just happened in an empty room yes really just reminiscing about what we did just over there a couple days ago this is yeah this is a true talking dum-dum yeah this is This is like, yeah, this is after the, this is on, we've got our feet on the same stage. Yeah. Except it's four days later

and there's absolutely no one in here. I mean, I guess we usually are just in the same room after we've done the episode, talking about the episode. But this feels, you know, this feels grander. Yeah. I don't know if we've ever done it like this before. Yeah, I don't think we have either.

Yeah. We should be sitting up. We should have actually sat on the stage. Yeah. Looking out over the empty room. We've got our feet on. Oh, yeah, yeah. Not looking at each other.

Just on the high stools looking out. Pit, you know, like selling it out to an empty room. What if we did that one time? We did a live podcast where we just kept going and we had a full house and we didn't tell anyone. And then we weren't going to just do it for an hour. And then we just kept talking until every single person left yeah i think now when people listen to this show and they hear us start a sentence by going what if this there's now probably a sense of like you know clenching up being like

no please don't do it boys that's the good thing there's a lot of following up but sometimes maybe there shouldn't be yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah all right we won't do that one that's fine um but as we mentioned there's a if you like this run of live ones and you want to be part of the audience because the audience were fucking great and very much part of these shows uh there is may the 18th brisbane one show our yearly show this is your one chance if you live up in banana-bending town, if you want to come and say hi and be in the room and experience what it's like to be live in front of a harebrained idea, that would be great. We'd love to see it. I'm scared about that show, honestly.

What are you scared about? I don't know what we're going to do now if we don't have the sperm bank bit on. Yeah, yeah. I really don't know how to do one of these live anymore. Let's just try and remember what we did for 14 years before this yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah seems like a seems like a career ago yeah um but we'll figure something out um this you know what i'm gonna put my neck on the line i reckon there's bad open micas in brisbane maybe we could get one of them we just have one in oh a whore in every port. Yeah. For everywhere we go and do a live show.

That'd be good. I think it would be, I think it'd be a harder find to find a good open market in Brisbane. Yeah, do we make that open market do the sperm bank bit

or we find a new, we give them the, we give them the, We're talking out of school here. These are all great ideas. We give them the dossier of what we've done so far and we're like,

have you got a bit that's sort of in this, you know, in this kind of wheelhouse? This is already a great idea, Tommy. This is a great idea. That would be great. So that's May the 18th in Brisbane,

3pm at the Brightside. Love to see you there. Get on to tickets on our website now. And you can also find tickets to a very, very, very limited run. If you heard the ad beforehand, very small show at the Creatures of Havoc abandoned bar room.

Boutique. Yeah, very small. Limited space for that show. So getting quick. It's very cheap, $10. Talking dumb-numb. Bit of mucking around. Chance to say thanks to our sponsors, the beautiful sponsors of the Coastal Mill International Podcast Festival.

And a chance to have a drink on a Saturday afternoon. Yeah. I mean, you don chance to have a drink on a Saturday afternoon. Yeah. I mean, you don't even have to face our way. You can just come and have a beer and... Pay the entrance fee. Yeah. Shy away. Yep.

Yeah, yeah. So that'll be fun. Yeah. That'll be fun. Our last Melbourne thing for quite a while, I imagine. Mm-hmm. What else, Tommy? Anything off the back of that episode?

Abishek. We put the donation request out yep to go halves fair to say it's going quite well it is going really well yeah people uh are listening to this and didn't see it in the room and still want to chuck in a few shekels you may as people are yeah spoiler alert we have the amount that we asked for but if you want to uh if you want to keep going and upgrade Abhishek's room, go for it. Oh, if we end up with him in Betteracom than us, that's not bad.

Yeah. Well, look, to be honest, we did probably put it out there slightly under what half of it would be, so if you want to actually make it half. Hey, if we get a bit more and we can send him over early and try and get him, they're still shooting The White Lotus presently

as we're speaking. Are they really? If we could get him in the background of, you know, one scene like walking into a sperm bank in Thailand, that'd be beautiful.

Well, Tommy, spoilers. Here's a little tale for you. If it's still shooting right now, a little while back, my wife, don't say her name, said to me um so you're doing this podcast festival at this venue and i'm like yeah she goes what's it like i said i've never been she goes you're doing a whole festival at a venue you've never been at yeah yeah she goes

isn't it crazy for you not to go there i'm like i guess so so shouldn't you go there i'm like well i guess we can't now she goes you should go there go there. I'm like, just to be clear, are you telling me to go there? Yeah. And she goes, I've given up. Just book it now before I change my mind. I'm like, okay. So I've booked it. I'm going next week.

Yep. And I have to say, I thought I was getting away with something. I was like, this is amazing. But the more I talk to this venue, I i'm like this is actually a very good idea to go and deal with these people i'm glad i was wondering when this was going to come up because so many people have told me about this oh really yeah a lot of people being like can you believe this can't yeah i'm like well i'll believe it when i hear it yeah yeah i was saving it for a normal episode we never got around to it so i thought it'd be uh but then i was saving it for a normal episode. We never got around to it. Yeah. So I thought it'd be,

but then I was like, there's not much chat in it. What's the chat? Yeah. We're going to Thailand. Yeah. So I'm going, well, as this episode comes out,

I'll be going, I guess, oh no, it's still in a week's time. This is for this week. Yeah, when are you going? Because we're going to have to fucking do some shit. This would be good for me to know. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think we're nearly on top of it,

to be honest. I think we're all good. How long are you going for? Five days for me to know. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think we're nearly on top of it, to be honest. I think we're all good. How long are you going for? Five days, that's it. Yeah, okay. Yeah. So I think we're all pretty much all good.

We need a... Yeah, we need a talking dum-dum. We need a talking dum-dum. Yeah. But yeah, we'll do that. But I am going with a friend of the show, Tony from the Avalanches.

Oh, cool. Yeah. Who is doing that thing that you know all these guys like Cody and all the rest of them always go on about like points and all this sort of shit

that I never understand because I don't bother with it and also because I had such a long time with my wife worked for an airline yeah you don't accrue points

for going for free for scabbing along yep so he's like he was either going to go to LA or Japan and then he was like oh I'll just come with you

I was like man You're about to get The fucking Chandler reality tour Yep He's never been to Koh Samui So we're going to go over there And stay in the Stay in the

The stay Oh yeah The home of the Of the Creatures of Habit Ban and Barroom Koh Samui International Podcast Festival Yep

And I'll be like At one stage I'll be like Listen Tony you go shopping I've got some business to do Yep And i'll be like at one stage i'll be like listen tony you go shopping i've got some business to do yeah and uh i'll be sitting there pow wowing with big wigs in there at this day going so where do we piss in the pool again oh just in the pool there right yeah okay great i'll write that down happening yeah yeah well that's a good that's a good question yep um so i i actually uh this will be a legit real like write-off on tax. I need to do this.

Yeah. I have to do it. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, we've already sold all the rooms. So if you get over there and it's fucked, I don't know what can possibly happen. Absolutely. Yeah. No, this needs to happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but like honestly, the times I've talked to them, I'm like, fuck. Yeah, this is probably a good idea. Yeah. Yeah, this is good for people to hear who've spent money on coming along. Yeah, yeah. It sounded pretty dicey. No, no, no.

Now I have no doubt because I'll definitely be there. Yeah. I'll definitely be there working it out, whatever. So that'll be fun. Anyway. We might be able to squeeze some bonus episodes out there live from there. Working it out. Well, look, we are getting a YouTuber over there as well.

Yes. So I've been talking to him about activities and stuff we can do, some ideas and stuff like that we can do during the day and getting a bit of sweet vision, not only for the free socials, but especially for the Patreoners. Yep. So I think that's going to be fun. So yeah, that'll be good.

Something to look forward to. So just, and, but the great thing is, is like, Tony's like, well, take us to all the good spots. Like if I'm going to come there, you know, I want the channel reality tour. Take me to all the good spots. So I'll be going to the same spots twice within a month, I assume. Yeah. With literally within one month.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that'd be good. So that's exciting.

And it's good timing because we've just finished the festival. And I was kind of thinking mid-festival. Fuck, I'd love to be doing this little trip straight after festival. But then I'm like, no, this is actually perfect because I'm going to not drink for a week. Yep. Get this the fuck out of my system. Yep. Have a little bit of a sleep and then

get a taste for it again and fucking go again yep so that'll be that'll be good it's worked out actually i think perfectly hopefully yeah but my mate tony is a absolute demon for pulling out of things so i'm just hoping he doesn't do that yeah but he's booked i guess if you booked on flights yeah oh on point sorry yeah a bit less obligation yeah yeah and i think you know you're booking on a go to or whatever it is like in terms of in terms of fucking accommodation you could still pull out of all that sort of shit but yeah it's a you know for all the jokes and whatever it's like fuck it's not as it's really not as fun to go by yourself. It would be a shame if he pulled out and one of your two holidays that you've got coming up in the next month was slightly tarnished. It would be a shame.

It's work, mate. It would suck. It's work, mate. Come on. It's work. I'm not your wife. I'm only doing it for the punters, for the listeners out there. I wouldn't be going otherwise.

This is for you, folks. Yes. Well, speaking of the punters out there and doing things for them, we have an obligation to our dear Patreoners who support the show. Keep the lights on in here. Keep the flights ticking over. That's it. Thanks, everyone who gets onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club.

You get your two bonus mini episodes every week, and you may be about to hear your name being read out and immortalised on this episode. But all of you are sort of, you know, we have the creatures of habit, Bannon Barroom in Brunswick Street, Fitzroy. We have them supporting the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival but there's a, you know, there's an idea to say that you guys are all

sponsoring that festival in a way because, you know, for example, I'm going to fly over next week and, you know, I would have no idea what it's like over there without this flight. Yeah. So I'm like, sing-ha? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this?

Do I drink this or eat it or what do I do with this? So this is thanks to you guys, especially, let's say, especially this week, you guys, these people I'm about to read out. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber John Langdon. John. J-O-N. Mm-hmm. Oh.

Yeah, so get that H out of your mouth. Yeah, no H. John. John. Yep. Yep. John. Just a little bit quicker than your normal John.

Just take that speed bump out there. And that's what you get, John. I wonder if it was like it did used to be pronounced differently in the olden days tongue. Was it more of a sign of like... Too many people saying Joan. No, no, no, no, no, no. Was it a bit of like a regal, fancy version of John where you're really stretching out? A Dutch version.

And then this is like the commoners version. It feels like someone from Holland's come over and fucked with it. John. Fucked with John. John. Langdon. John. Fucked with John. John. Langdon. Yeah. Let's...

There's not heaps to play with here. No, there's not. I mean, there could be. There's a total of... What about this? There's three vowels. Two O's, one A. Then there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven consonants.

Fuck, if this is what we'reants. Really earning that second holiday. If this is what we're doing for the first time this week, what are we doing with the fourth one? Yeah, exactly. God, I wish we could hit the sperm bank bit buttons right now. That'd be helpful. That would be good. Yeah, it is the end of festival, Tommy.

I still haven't caught up on my sleep yet. I just can't figure out how to fucking hit the reset button yeah just having a big old shit one you know when you get have you ever had this when you've had such bad sleep that just the idea of sleep it's like my daughter said to me a couple weeks ago she goes she's lying in bed completely awake and going how do you go to sleep i'm like that's a great question it's strange isn't it yeah yeah i don't know how you do it my uh my friend was telling me he went to when he went to japan with his kids and they flew overnight and the kids didn't sleep on the flight and then they get there in the morning they hit the ground running and his daughter was so tired that she was just saying to him daddy what's wrong with me yeah yeah it's

and then because yeah you i always find if i'm super tired i spend the whole day being like god i can't wait to get into bed and then as soon as i do i'm like this just isn't going to happen yeah you're dreaming of it all day especially if you've got stuff to do you're like okay now that's over fuck this i'm going to get into bed at seven i can't wait and then you just lie there and you're like i don't really want to go to sleep now i don't really know how to get this to happen yeah i think what happens i think for me at least is you gotta you gotta give in and and and i'm never a 9 30 go to bedder but you have to just do it like i get home sometimes i go you know what i'm i'm tired i'll go to bed but i'll you know i can't just go to bed at 9 30 i'll still go to bed at a good time, which is like 11.

Yeah. It's like, no, it's still too late, buddy. You need to fucking hit the pillow earlier than that. I can never do it. Even if I'm like, I'll get into bed at 7 o'clock, I still just end up reading and fucking around and watching a movie or whatever. And then it's like, oh, it's midnight.

This is just the same time as any other night. I will annoy Don't Say Her Name a lot with that sort of stuff if I do that because I'll get into bed at 9.30 and go and try and go to sleep and she's watching Netflix. I'm like, can you just not watch Netflix? And she's like, oh, I'm sorry, stranger to this bed that I sit in here and watch Netflix every night while you're out at fucking gigs and you come home at 1am.

Yep. And now you're the boss of the bed, are you? Yep. Okay. That's pretty fair. Yep. All right, I guess I'll go on the couch then. You've got to relinquish control of the bed, are you? Yep. Okay. It's pretty fair. Yep. All right. I guess I'll go on the couch then.

You've got to relinquish control of the bed. Yeah. Man, I've got a bad... I talked about this a little while back, but I've got a new habit I now cannot break. Something that other people would like to do to me, but I now go to bed with a pillow over my head instead of like the eye mask or whatever. Yeah. I just have the full pillow over my head so that it can the the eye mask or whatever yeah i just have the full

pillow over my head so that it can block out sound as well okay so that now when i'm like now i don't have a pillow over my head i'm trying to go to sleep it's like am i in fucking time square or something there's fucking lights and sounds coming from everywhere yeah i'm this i've got the eye mask and the other day i put it in the, I had it in the washing machine and it hadn't dried yet. So I had to go, I had to sleep raw dog. Yeah. And it was like, yeah, fuck, am I in the, am I sleeping in the fucking white room from the Matrix? Yeah, yeah. My fiance got me onto it.

She's a big one because she's, she basically does what you do. But, you know, a normal person version of it where she's got the eye mask and she's got the earplugs in. Right. Because she's very like, gets woken up by just any noise in the street so she's full sensory deprivation yeah but then i don't know if you're setting an alarm that's too high risk to me i can't do it i can't do the earplugs yeah if i've if i don't have anything to get up for then like fine if i'm really going to go like a hardcore sleep in where i'm like it does not matter if i wake up at midday that would be good yeah but Yeah. But yeah, if you need to hear that phone, like how can you risk it?

I fucked my arm the other day. I slept on the couch and I can't, I don't know what I did. I was, this was the last night of festival, comedy festival, and I nearly broke my fucking arm. It's still sore now. I don't know how I slept on it. So I've slept on my arm so insanely that I woke up twice and it was, the whole arm was completely numb and it was numb

for that long i was like could i live without this arm it is my left arm but it was you know it was that that amount of time where i'm like this is the most my arms ever been asleep yeah this is so far i had i this episode that people just heard i had my nose was all fucked from oh yeah that's laser surgery yeah it's a bit better it's like all the this is gross but it was all scabbed over and then they just fell off and now it's like a lot better yeah but um i also like that morning i'd pulled my shoulder so my whole like back and shoulder were fucked and i was texting my fiance about it and she's like what'd you do what like what happened to your shoulder i'm like i'm being 37 like there, there was no real inciting incident.

It was just I kind of turned around and then I felt it just pull and then it was just sore for 48 hours. And it's like, that's where I'm at. Just a slight movement could possibly write me off for an entire day. Doesn't feel fucking good at all. Brutal stuff. Well, John Langdon, those depressing tales were brought to you by you. By your boring name.

Yeah. That's what, this is what your name incites in people. Not riffing on the name, but just like taking the aura of it and then talking about what felt appropriate.

Yeah. These people today, they're our muses in every week. Yeah. And you get what you deserve. Yep. Thanks, Langers.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Philip Topsahalidis. Topsahalidis. T-O-P-S-A-H-A-L-I-D-I-S. Topsahalidis. Topsahalidis. Oh, I thought kind of the way you said it made it sound like it was a hyphenated.

No. Topsah-Halidis. No. Topsahalidis. Damn, I thought kind of the way you said it made it sound like it was a hyphenated. No. Topso-halitis. No. Topsohalitis. Damn, that's a hell of a name. Well done for getting that one out. Yeah. I just looked at it for the first time and went, I think I'm going to jump on this roller

coaster and see where it takes me. Yeah. I think I got it. Yeah, I think so. Welcome aboard a Greek listener to this show. Yeah. Topo. Yeah.

Topo, mate. I never, we don't hear too much from the Greek community on this show. No. So welcome aboard. We're big fans of their work though. Absolutely. Their invention,

their main invention. Yep, their sole contribution to the world. The, what if we didn't use the puss? As I always say, I think we would have got there

anyway, but if you want to take credit for it, someone, I don't know how to say this without, without saying who the person was, but some, I was with someone the other day and they would, they were talking about someone in comedy and they mispronounced their name.

And then they referred to them as, for whatever reason, they referred to them as the Greek ATM. And I was like, what's that mate the fucking mattress yeah yeah yeah yeah i like this the greek atm the greek at the old greek atm yeah yeah nick cody posted the other day a thing of um like all the different names for the pokies different slang for the pokies yeah and uh fuck you know like bricky's laptop and all those kinds

of i never heard any of that stuff love all of that love a bit of that shit yeah um but yeah like uh yeah i feel like the greek uh the greek atm slang for mattress i never it's a good one i never i've never heard that one um what is it the brickies the brickies laptop the brickies laptop yeah that's funny. Greece, never been there? Never been. Would like to go. Was thinking about going when we went to London and then I did a bit of Europe afterwards.

And it was just like, I wanted to go to like Santorini where people always bang on about. But it's like, it's just a bit of a pain to get to. And just kind of stacking up all these different things in a trip and then being like that's a whole day of travel in the middle there and i was like ah i can't be bothered yeah it's not worth it i just wanted to do places that i could easily get around like one flight one train this is like fly then boat then yeah man honestly you see stuff about greece like the you know the physical beauty of it and all the places and whatever, and you go, fuck, this looks alright.

But, honestly, the idea, after meeting Greek people here, the idea about being surrounded by Greek people, not for me. Yeah, but I think, like... How do you fucking want a million of those people around me? But it's the same as, like, the New Jersey Italian, where it's like, those aren't Italians. Like, that's not Italians. You know what I mean? It's like, it's become its own subset right like i don't i don't reckon you're walking down the street in santorini and having like the equivalent of like some kind of ligon street

in your grill yeah i think it's a different that's a different strain that's my nightmare a friend of mine honestly i've i've tried to talk my wife into going to vietnam it's just those funny things you have in the back of your head. Honestly, I reckon, and she won't admit to it, but there's some part in the back of her brain that's thinking, the war's still on. You can't go to Vietnam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if Charlie gets us?

I think that's part of it. Yeah. I have a friend, my best friend growing up is Greek, and we had another guy in our group of friends who was also Greek and the other guy was like really proudly Greek like a real guy

who's like your heritage is everything all that kind of stuff and the guy who's like my better my really good friend he went on a holiday to Greece with his family

and like when the I don't know what the state of it is over there at the moment but when they were like really in the like economic big downturn

when they were completely fucked and he got back and he was like you know it was nice to be with my family but it's completely shit over there like they've really fucked it like it sucked and our other friend like did not talk to him for months and like called it like because he said this at like a group setting and then the other guy like called him up to be like you have to be proud of your heritage it's a disgrace what you're saying about Greece. Yeah, great. But he's like, man, but it's just a matter of fact. Like, they fucking lied to get into the, like, to get into the fucking euro and, like, plunge the country into debt.

Like, they fucked it. Like, it's shit. He was like, I'm fucking not talking to you. You've turned your back on the great nation of Greece. Great, great. Well, Philip Topsahelidis, that's you. That accent that Tommy just did, that's you. I mean, I do like having pride about, you know,

I can't imagine ever being like, how dare you say that about Australia? I can't imagine ever giving it up. I think if it was ever going to happen, it's not while you're in Australia. It's while you're somewhere else. I think that's how it works, maybe. But who knows? i don't know i think i mean those other cultures are so ingrained and so historic or whatever it is whereas we're a bunch of we have yeah what are we yeah nothing exactly yeah you're fucking bread thieves yeah which is fine bread's's good. No regrets.

Thanks, Philip. Thanks, Phil. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Martin Adams. Martin Adams. Yeah, as un-Greek as you can get, in my humble opinion. Yeah. Yeah. I think so.

Marty Adams. What if you could do Adams, plural Adams? That's where the name came from centuries ago. We came from a great bunch of... My dad was Adam and his dad was Adam and his dad was Adam. So that's my surname, Adams. So the Adam's apple, that's in relation to the biblical... Yes.

But then how does that relate to the little fucking bit under your neck it just it's just a bulge and it just looks like a you know what i mean it looks like you've eaten an apple yeah because that's all there was back then i guess that's how it works but he but does he does eve eat some of the apple because why is it exclusively a male you know why is it only adam's thing eve gets a bit some of the apple? Because why is it exclusively a male thing? Why is it only Adam's thing? Eve gets a bit stuck into the apple too, doesn't she? Does she? I think so. I'm going to look it up.

Because the snake comes along and he's like, get around this. Fucking the apple. Mama. Maybe that'll be my next year's comedy festival show, One Man, Adam and Eve. Aha. When confronted, Adam tells God that Eve gave him the fruit to eat. that'll be my next year's comedy festival show one man adam and eve aha when confronted adam tells god that eve gave him the fruit to eat and eve tells god that the serpent deceived her

into eating it so she did eat some so so they've both had it so why is it oh no she did eat some so she did it yeah right so why is it only a thing on men when the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband. Right, so she started it. Eve started it. Yeah, so it should be the Eve's apple.

Troublemakers. Chicks are troublemakers. I've always said it. The first one ever. That's how it all started. Yeah. No, thank you. Spoken truly like a man who's leaving the country soon

speaking like a man who has a wife who never listens to this podcast yeah um but uh martin adams yeah that you're involved in that story in some way um yeah the bible did you did you learn did you have to read the bible at school didn't have to read it like we did have religious studies but it was never like explicitly here's a story from the bible it was more just like i don't know societal kind of stuff my child is baptized which was is kind of a thing where i've gone okay you can have this yeah but she's not going to religious school or anything like that. Yep. Because my wife is very much, she says she's religious, but she's not. Right. Yeah.

But is that just like appeasing the family thing? Yes. Like the grandparents are like, hey, you've got to fucking do this. Oh, and her and my wife. She's like, oh, no, this has to happen. It's like, why? I don't know, but that's what usually happens. Yeah.

Okay. The generational bullshit, like, I don't know, all these things that the generation above you does that you're like this is fucked i can't imagine myself ever doing this but then of course you will at some point you'll notice a shift in yourself where all of a sudden you're getting too involved in you you know your kid's life and like they're having a child and you're like you'd better give this fucking kid the same name as me well yeah i guess i get that from my parents because they're very much like you know in terms of i'd never been to a church until you know i had to go to a wedding or fucking whatever

they have no they're not like fuck religion or this is weird it's like no we just don't go and we don't think about it yeah and that that with a lot of stuff like yeah if it's right in front of me i'll deal with it and if it's not i won't yeah so yeah i have no i have no opinion about it but i also yeah i guess I do now. I guess now that I've been not a part of it for so long, I'm like, yeah, this is the way to go. What do you mean? Well, now that my parents didn't force it onto me, I'm like, yeah, well, let's not force it onto her. That's all, I guess.

It's very, yeah, I mean, it's kind of hard to imagine someone in like a modern context being like, yeah, yeah, we're going to take our kid to church. Unless they already are like religious. Like you don't really hear about too many people like not having it in their life and then taking it up. Like being like, yeah, I'm 28. Something bad's happened. Yeah.

Something bad's happened. So a group of friends of mine from high school, they had this thing when they were in their 20s where they all had like the find my, the like location sharing all turned on in like the group that they were in. And there was like one of them in the group and it would always be like Sunday morning they would see him at this address

on the like location sharing thing. Oh, what? And for ages they were like, fuck, he's got some bird going on the slide. He hasn't told any of us. We're in a chicken at church every week. Well, yeah, and then it goes on and on and they're like, when's he going to fucking tell us? He's clearly like, you know, because they'd all be out clubbing

and then, ah, Sunday morning, he's fucking, ah, fuck, he's on here, Wednesday. And, you know, this is like in an age where it's like your group of boys are everything and someone getting a miso is seen as like a great betrayal of like, oh, we've lost our friend. Now he's just going to be doing stuff with the misses. And then, yeah, they kind of confront him. They're like, mate, when are you going to fucking tell us that you've got a girlfriend?

He's like, yeah, boys, I've – I'm getting sucked off by God. He's like, yeah, I've found religion and I've been going to church every Sunday morning. And they're all like, oh, this is so much worse than you having a secret girlfriend. That's very bad. Yeah. But that's something that you just, I feel like that's so rare now to have someone who wasn't really a factor in their lives.

Parents aren't religious. They discover it on their own and be like i'm super into church you know what i reckon it's like it's like you think fuck i don't know anyone that does that anymore but it's like smoking oh no who smokes now no and who would start smoking now still out there i know a lot of smokers yeah yeah yeah yeah maybe it's coming back yeah i don't i don't know many smokers i don't think yeah i do a podcast with two of them oh everything takes that little bit longer for a smoke break. No, when my fiancée met my group of friends,

she's like, fuck a lot of your friends smoke because none of her group of friends do. And all of mine are like, oh yeah, a big chunk of my group of friends are like, yeah, you'd be at someone's house for like a dinner party and it's like people are just fucking ducking outside constantly. You're sitting there, you're like, oh, everyone's oh everyone's gone oh no hey half of us are just outside friends of the show how many smokers we got really um well this is the problem is that a

lot of people that smoke wouldn't label themselves as you know people i'm all they're always quitting like there's very few people who are like man i can't i't even... I mean, Harley Brain? Harley smokes, Brett smokes. Oh, Brett's not a smoker. Last time I saw Brett, he was keenly punching a dart. But this is what I mean. It's like how many people that do smoke go... I wouldn't see him smoking,

not drunk. Well, yeah, but he's drunk all the time. Oh, yeah, it's okay. Fair enough. Yeah, friends... People in comedy, friends of the show, yeah, who, I can't, yeah.

Not too many. It is rare. Not too many. Yeah, it is rare. Yeah, I don't know too many. Anyway, Martin Adams. Martin Adams. Wonder if he smokes.

Yeah. Wonder if he vapes. I think you're smoking because you contribute to our show. It's been funny seeing a lot of people do the transition of like i gotta quit smoking oh vaping's come along okay well that's better for you yeah oh no hang on this is maybe even worse for you now i've got to quit the vape and now i'm back on the analog durries and this is actually better for me this is part of my health kick i'm not taking in the chemicals of the vape oh glad I never started. Thanks, Marty. Thanks, Marty.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. Here's a funny little name that someone wants to be known as. Here we go. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Hazy. That's first name Hazy. Second name D, as in D then hyphen, as in like a rap name sort of. D Ridge. Hazy.

Hazy D Ridge. Hazy D Ridge. Hazy D Ridge Hazy Dee Ridge Hazy Dee Ridge um hmm Dee Ridge I just thought I better say that

a few times in a row because it felt like is this going to be a trick where all of a sudden I go I'm a fucking idiot and I fuck my mum oh fuck

but I don't think it's that you know who you'll probably see smoking a bit maybe in Curse of Mui is my fiance she's a travel she's a travel, she's a travel smoker.

She loves getting some, getting some cheap darts. Is she, yeah, I was going to say is she a bargain hunter because over there you're getting your $3 packs or whatever it is.

I think that's most places except for here, honestly. Like in Japan, I was with Ben from Filthy Casuals and he smokes and also you can smoke

in bars there. So it's a lot more like pull up at a bar get you a fucking pack of cigs that cost like a dollar fifty or whatever and just fucking chug them down while you're talking to the bartender yeah and i was like you know what in this context i get it it's easy to forget that back in the day this is what smoking was it had a bit of that like allure to it whereas like exactly what you're saying, like here, you go, yeah, you're a fucking, people hate you. They think it's disgusting.

Most venues you can't do it. So you're having to go out into the street. Yeah, yeah. Like who can be fucked here? It was, I remember, remember just before it changed over, so you can't smoke in venues in Australia. Just before it changed over, there was a comedy room where someone was like like the runner of it was sort of like stayed in a certain part of the of the room and was like you can't smoke here yeah and i remember it being a bit like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking girl la-di-da yeah two

days into you know you can't smoke anywhere it's like yeah this is the best i don't smell like fucking shit every time i walk into a room anymore well i will say the first like couple of months of it going out to like a nightclub and i was like this is so much worse really you can just smell people's bo and farts and just being like yeah i don't know i guess i was young enough that it was like the the smell of smoke had a certain like allure to it It was like, yeah, we're at a nightclub. This is really cool. And then it was just like going in there and being like, this is disgusting.

It stinks in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My maybe like, I don't know, 10th early on gig, I was fucking having a little puff up there, wasn't I? On stage? On stage. Just thought, oh, this will be cool. Came out one night, fucking durry in the mouth, just being like, yeah, it's pretty cool, wasn't it? On stage? On stage. Just thought, oh, this will be cool. Came out one night, fucking durry in the mouth,

just being like, eh, it's pretty cool, isn't it? Can I put in a request on stage in Koh Samui? Bring it back? I'll be sick. It'll genuinely make me spew. Fuck.

So can you do two of them? Yeah. I just have to start now and get used to it. Oh, yeah, you have to. Fuck, I'd love to do it. Maybe I'll do it. That is the saddest.

I'm now addicted to smoking because of a bit. That is a bit on a podcast. That is so fucking sad. What if we, everyone, we do a stand-up show within the Creatures of Habit, presents the Coastal Money International Podcast. We do a little gala like we usually have done in the past. And everyone has to be smoking on stage. It's funny.

When I think about myself going on a trip, I imagine myself just walking around smoking even though I don't smoke. In my head, it's like a romantic being away. I'm just on the balcony of the Airbnb having a little cigarette even though it's the least appealing thing to me. And every time, I always found it crazy that most people that I know that got into it were rebelling when they were 16 and then all of a sudden it's like, I'm hooked.

I just could never get over the like, I don't understand how you push through that barrier of finding it truly disgusting. Yeah. Well, the room will be very hazy. Yeah. Like Hazy D. Ridge. Yep.

That's something. That's pulling everything back to this guy's name. Yep. What does D. Ridge mean? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, is this something that we're missing? No. Must be.

I don't know. This is just some guy's nickname that he's decided to put on the interview. Boring ass real name. That's fine. Whatever. Well, thanks, Hazy. Thanks, Hazy D. I'm fucking starving.

You know what? I'm trying to fast for as long as I can. Don't say her name the other day. She fasted for fucking, I think, nearly three days. Crazy. She's going to try this thing. Are you doing the smoothies? No.

Just water? Yeah. I'm not even calling what I do fasting at the moment. I'm only on hour, what is it, 18. So it's not a big, it's not a huge one. But she did like nearly three days and I was like,

this fucking bananas. Yeah, wow. But she, you know, because they talk about, you know, clearing your mind. She was like, yeah, yeah,

I do feel really good. You know, I feel like this and that and you push through and it feels like this and whatever. But then we broke the fast by going to breakfast

and having a big ass fucking breakfast and I was like, yeah, yeah, it doesn't seem like you're that focused on being clear of mind at the moment

or you're fucking inhaling this bacon but yeah yeah i can imagine i do think there's a point where yeah like if you're in a long day and you haven't eaten like if it gets to you know three or four you start going a bit insane but i imagine like once you push through that yeah then like on the other side of that you're like because i do find if i've gotten held up and i haven't gotten to have lunch, it's getting late in the day. And then you're walking around and you can't find anywhere that's open where you can get food. And then that takes another hour. And once I'm on the other side of that and it's like four o'clock, I do kind of hit a point where I'm like, I don't even care anymore.

I was going insane an hour ago. And now I'm like, I think my body's just given up on the fucking very idea of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm, yeah, I'm still caring right now, I have to say. But I was sitting here thinking, should I just, you know what I need to do? I need to get out of the city because we're in the city now. I need to get home before I crack here. Because I know that there's good Thai food just around the corner.

And I could very easily just go and do that. Yeah. And then once you open the fucking floodgates. But what are you going to do instead? If I get home, I might just like push it out a little bit and then have an apple.

Yeah, okay. I think that's, that'd be good. And that's all you're going to have for the day? I don't know. I mean, that's, I don't have any firm plans

but I'm trying, I'm really trying because like I said, there's, I'm fucking nine days out or whatever it is to go to Samui and i feel like the last week of comedy festival let myself go too much yeah too many beers too many late night treats yep too much food too much grog and i need to just trim back so that i can then let myself go again when i go over there

i can't be going over there going fuck i need to look after myself anyway here's six curries and 17 changs yeah yeah i need to get much fit to then let myself go again yeah yeah um so anyway one week you can do it yeah i know but it's that first it's the start that's the hardest it's the start yesterday i tried to start and I got to fucking 7 o'clock and I'd eaten a carrot all day. I'd eaten a carrot and then I just got into the city. You've got to learn how to cook because the gap between, it's either takeaway food in the city or an apple. Like there is an in-between where you can make yourself a little stir fry. Yeah. No, but I was trying not to eat much

so like i could oh i could have made something if i wanted to but i was just like you know what i just just one vegetable that'll just fill me up enough to just get through and then i got into the city and i was like fuck what if i got kfc well that's the worst because you have one small thing and you think this will do me but it like, that just like, whatever it is, like expands the stomach. Or just like, your body goes, hey, this is the entree. Let's fucking, let's keep this going. Yes. And when you've had a small thing and then you end up being out and eating the big thing,

shitty thing that you would have had anyway. And then it's like, not only have I had that, but I also had that small meal before. Yep. So now I've had double as much. Yep. Yeah. I did that last night. I went, you know what, I'm going to get a pie. Yep. I got a pie when I got in here. small meal before yep so now i've had double as much yep yeah i did that last night like i went

you know what i'm gonna get a pie yeah i got a pie when i got in here and once i had the pie i was like well if you're gonna get a pie you might as well get something yeah yeah yeah yeah so anyway yeah bad bad news anyway thanks hazy um man i'll tell you what when you're this hungry you just see food everywhere uh anyway now to now to the last Patreon subscriber. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber, Lasagna Comedy. Oh, wow. Wow. I'm going to make a lasagna tomorrow, actually.

Fuck. Yeah. It's happening again. Mm. This person's name's probably, like, something completely different, but I'm just Bugs Bunning and looking at this name and it's turning into lasagna. I don't think it's comedy. I think it's C-Omidy.

Oh, right. Yeah. Okay, that would be cool. That's a cool name. Yeah. Anyway. Bye, everyone. Thanks, everyone.