The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 709 - Andrew Wolfe & Frankie Rowsthorn

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

We’ve roped in two of Perth’s finest this week: ANDREW WOLFE and FRANKIE ROWSTHORN! Frankie’s performing in the Comedy Zone under the tutelage of a Friend of the Show, Wolfie’s been abusing audience members in Perth, Frankie’s dad has leapt to her defence in India on The Amazing Race, and of course, we get an update on Karl’s potential funds for a Thai bar! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Andrew Wolfe and Frankie Rosethorn. We have got a live show coming up very, very soon in Brisbane, May the 18th, Saturday afternoon at the Brightside. Special guests, great comedy. What are you waiting for, Carl? What are you waiting for? I'm waiting for time, and then once that time is up, I'll be there. Great. LittleDumbDumbClub.com Get your ticket to that. Also we've got our Koh Samui Going Away Party at the Creatures of Habit Bar and Band Room Saturday June the 1st

in the afternoon. It's going to be a lot of fun. It's our live talking dum-dum that we're going to do before heading off to beautiful Koh Samui. Yeah. Come and get drunk to say thank you to the sponsors for the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The beautiful Creatures of Hab Yeah. Come and get drunk to say thank you to the sponsors for the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're beautiful creatures of habit. Can't wait. Yes, it's going to be a lot of fun. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Andrew Wolfe and Frankie Rosethorn. I'm going to freeze up on this one as well. I can smell it.

I hope so. I'm going to go dead quiet and just go, oh, I've had another anxiety thing. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club. For another week, thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassel. Along with me is always the other half of the program,

Carl Chandler. Hey, dickhead. And joining us today, two very special guests. Please welcome onto the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Andrew Wolfe and Frankie Rostock. Hey, mate. Thanks for having us. I was kind of walking into this one thinking,

no, I don't think I have much this week, but then Wolfie has not stopped talking before the show for half an hour. Yeah, we've blown all the good stories beforehand. Well, good's a strong word. Well, this is exciting. What are the stories? This is exciting for us, Carl.

First ever Nepo baby on the podcast. Oh. Wolfie's great grandpa, of course, invented crack. Hey! There we go. Bit of Melbourne misdirection for you there, guys. We cannot follow that. Take that one back to Perth, one of the many

tools of the trade. Let's do a callback to the crack-grandpa later. Yeah, there we go. Frankie is the daughter of Peter Ray Stone, and I have something in common no frankie is the daughter of uh peter rose dawn and i'm i have something in common i'm also i'm the son of australian comedy royalty my dad is chris lily oh my god well it's funny because my dad's actually rolf harris i've got a pretty close relationship with rolf as well

i actually i literally met him when i was a little kid oh a long time ago he's gone he's gone off he went off me after that after i grew up but yeah he used to do I actually, I literally met him when I was a little kid. Oh, a long time ago. Yeah. You showed him his wobble board. He's gone off. He went off me after that, after I grew up. Did he used to do meet and greets with kids? Man, I met him. I literally met him. I've talked about it on the pod, but I met him.

Oh my God. Because he was more of a, he did more kid stuff, didn't he? Yes. Yeah. Oh, he did kid stuff. He did some kid stuff, all right. Time to kangaroo down sport. Yeah, because I was kind of the, I didn't really,

it was like an old Wiggles episode with him on it. That's the one you really knew him from. He wasn't my era. But yeah. Yeah, he's more, he's like deep imprisonment by the time you're. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was quite a, he was also a great artist. Did you ever see any of his paintings?

Yeah. He painted the queen. I almost bought one, but then I, because they dropped in price and it was like, it was a self-portrait and I go, maybe this will come back yeah you thought it would come back but then I thought I don't really want that

in my office now that we've got a newborn kid yeah a self-portrait of Ralph Harris you thought once the kids that he abused grew up like the crimes

wouldn't stick anymore because they're technically now over 18 sort of like Hitler Nazi memorabilia eventually has value yeah like Charles Manson art has a lot of credibility to it.

I just watched that doco about the Nickelodeon and all the kids. Oh, yeah, great. And there's a story about how they're at this producer's house and he's got this room that's all China and the apes memorabilia and he's got a painting by John Wayne Gacy and Gacy's signed it. He's like, from your good pal. Imagine having the portrait that lofted at the coin. And he molested Drake from Drake and pal, imagine having the portrait of Lofty to the coin.

And he molested Drake from Drake and Jock. Yeah. And a few other kids. Yeah, there's an evil energy to it. I would never want it. Because I think they've actually outlawed, you can't buy Nazi memorabilia in Australia. Yeah.

The law's actually changed. That sucks for you. Well, it is. What are you going to do with it? Yeah, we're going to do it with furniture, man. We're going to have a collection Of swastikas And everything You should start painting Wolfie I can see you in 20 years time

People talking about His paintings are actually Really good I'll wait until I'm in prison And got time to kill It's a shame about What he ended up doing But god his artwork

Was really weird Given that he's in prison now That we're still calling it Outsider art Yeah it's outsider It's mainly sort of Finger paintings And feces, hey,

smearing my name and yelling hateful words, which is Perth comedy, really. That's the Perth style, right? Feces smeared on a wall pretty much sums up the whole scene. We're a bit obsessed with Perth, and this is the second ep in a couple of episodes that we've had double Perth guests. Really? Who was the other two?

Ben Russell and Tor Smiley. They don't really count. If you've got a smelly toilet, you need to talk about it. It's a horrible place and it's obsessive to go like, how bad is it? Maybe we shouldn't talk about Perth. I would love to talk about Perth.

I want to put it on blast. Perth comedy. It's our favourite sort of comedy. If we had to pick a comedy, it's Perth comedy. Well, you know how you're doing that bad comedy thing? I'm like, that is Perth. Worst of Melbourne comedy. Yeah, yeah. You know how you've got that?

Do you have the bad comedy competition coming up? Worst of Melbourne comedy. Worst comedy. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, we'll just fucking come to Perth. Yeah, go to any line-up. Any line-up will beat any of your shows. Going to Perth and putting on a show called

The Worst of Melbourne Comedy. It's Perth edition. Perth Comics auditioning and you're like, I'm sorry, you're not Melbourne enough. Worst of Melbourne Comedy Roadshow. And we bring it to Perth. That's good. It's like, if I could sell tickets to that,

it's like selling ice to the Eskimos. Oh, mate. When do those shows start? I'm so excited about it. It's starting, as of time of recording, starting this week. But this will come out a fair while. Mate, there are a lot of comics keen to get on. Alessio was keen.

People are asking. Yeah, a lot of bad. It's only meant to get in. Yeah, when there's a gig saying bad comedy, yes, I know. There's a lot of bad comedians. I get it. Yeah, it's so good. Yeah.

A lot of people, in the episode that people will have heard, we did a little, sorry, Frankie, to explain it to you. Okay. I registered a show in the Melbourne Comedy Festival called The Worst of Melbourne Comedy just because I thought, that's a funny title. I think that would sell well. Yeah. Then I had to figure out what the show was, right?

Right. So then we had an episode, a live- What could this show possibly be? Yeah, that's why you were messaging me. Yeah. When's he flyed out? Can you push it back by a couple of minutes? I did think that.

Yeah, I can't get it. I did think that. So then on a live episode we did, we auditioned and we had a few people. I put it out there into the ether, into the Melbourne Comedy Room's

hub on Facebook. Okay, perfect. Yeah, who wants to do this as a paid gig? Because I'm just fascinated like who would put their hand up. Fucking, even though I said I need someone

who's bad at comedy, there was a lot of people hitting me up. A lot of people going, I'll do it. I don't mind performing under the banner of this guy is fucking shit. I actually love it someone who's bad at comedy does a lot of people hitting me up a lot of people going i'll do it i don't mind performing under the banner of this guy is fucking shit i actually love it because it's a no pressure gig yeah you gotta you gotta hand these messages and this research off to like a

sociologist because it's so it says so much about the human mind that it's like your message saying i need a six out of ten at best and then the switchboard lights up it's like people are fucked in there we've got the test results the. It's like, people are fucked in their head. It's like, we've got the test results. The people who said yes to this are fucked in their head. The person who put out the request is fucked in their head.

But it's actually elite marketing, man, because it's like that liquid death water. Do you know what I mean? No. Have you not heard of liquid death? No. And that's water? It's in a can,

and it's got this really metal font to it. Oh, so it's like a drink. Yeah, it's water in it, but it's meant to kind of look like a beer. Yeah, it's meant to look like a beer. But rather than saying refreshing, they're like sort of toxic, putrid shit. It's a completely opposite thing. But it's the biggest selling water out there.

Or pissed in a can. Yeah, pissed in a can. So that you can drink a water at a party and look cool. And look cool. Oh, it's water. It's straight water. It's just normal water, but it's marketed as like liquid death

liquid death so that's you you're the liquid death of comedy Melbourne comedy stand up man it's elite marketing it's the most progressive

version of what we're doing now did they actually suck were they actually bad or were some of them okay they weren't bad enough it was really annoying we had two we had two complete

randoms come in and they were actually both legitimately quite good they were fine and it was like it was annoying because they were actually both legitimately quite good. They were fine. And it was annoying because they were like... Did you give them any tips on how to get worse? No, but it's literally a thing where I was annoyed where it's like... I mean, I really thought you would only put your hand up if you sort of sucked a bit.

And these guys were fine, were okay. And they're like, they've just snuck under the radar to get another gig. Yeah, that's what i thought it'll be it'll be people just desperate for a gig anyway yeah yeah oh my god where where is it being held it out of the city or swing bar oh you should have had it like a few hours out of the city yeah yeah a little bit it's near airs rock yeah it's actually a five-hour commute to the stage in the pokies room yeah no but this is like it's funny because

we've been talking about this on the podcast for a fair while now and one of the one of the guys out of the chase rang me up to go to go

oh I'm obsessed I'm obsessed with your idea you know I've got all these ideas for it it should be like this you should play the music

like way too loud and you shouldn't put you know put the chairs upside down and you know just only have like really really bad people and the mc should yell over the top and he's and i'm like no no no no i know you're trying to design the worst gig of all time yeah but i don't want to kill myself halfway through the gig like i just i want it to be funny and bad yeah not like for everyone to try and fucking attack me at the end of the course of course it appeals to the mentality of someone in the chaser though yeah every person on stage

should be dressed like bin laden and making fun of kids with cancer yeah yeah yeah that's fucking but there'll be big cameos on that show i reckon are you getting maybe chris lillian or my dad doing jonah my dad again my dad oh your dad's coming in. It's my dad. Oh, my God. Someone has to pretend to be you and do smash. What's a smash? Just remember I'm half fake Asian when you talk to me. Oh, I forgot about Ricky. I forgot about your Asian heritage. Yeah, my fake Asian heritage.

Yeah, well, you spend a lot of time there. Maybe I'll come down and pretend to be Rolf Harris. Please. Oh, my God. Not getting on stage, though. Oh, my God. Just in the green room. Just lingering around. my god just in the green room just in the green room

being a pest in the green room yeah a full costume like what are you on oh am I on maybe you should host Class Clowns

as Roll Paris yes oh that's good that's a good one that's good that's very funny that's really good that'd be great

you come on with a wobble board and it'd be like wow this is great this is a funny idea. They wouldn't know. The kids would not know who you were at all. Because class plans for people at home is the final. Yeah, high schoolers doing comedy.

High schoolers doing stand-up comedy and whatever. So the kids wouldn't care, but the parents might. Yes. I think they'd respect it. I think the kids would just think it was some kind of weird, you know, like Tim and Eric style avant-garde thing the kids would be into it, yeah you're right the parents watching off stage

that's funny you're saying they're just sitting in the green room doing it because when I was really new in comedy there was like maybe like the fifth gig I'd ever done went to this bad, you know this sort of bad dive bar gig and I remember going into the green room, we're sitting around and then I just noticed there's this guy that had just been standing there for a while and i hadn't noticed because he was standing

so still and it was just the guy who ran the gig the booker and he'd just been standing in the room not saying anything but dressed as joey ramone that is so good for absolutely no reason and we was and it's like oh is this is are you going on your costume party afterwards or something and the guy the guy that uh that was dressed up was like in normal in real life looked like george costanza or something but you so you mean literally he was in it not just it was a man wearing a leather jacket no he was in the full get up yes full costume normal person look like yes look like george costanza. And then he would look completely different. He's like Joey Ramone.

And I'm sitting there, are you going on? He's like, no. No, I'm not doing anything tonight. Okay, and I'm not new enough not to chase it any further. He's found his new look. Because you see people like that dressed as Elvis occasionally, but I don't know if they're going to their job. Do you know when they're in that?

Or, you know, a homeless guy that thinks he's Jesus. It's just very weird to report to this guy for five minutes and he's just dressed. Have you ever wondered, you know, how homeless guy that thinks he's Jesus. It's just very weird to report to this guy for five minutes and he's distressed. Have you ever wondered, you know, how the people think they're Jesus if they get to, like, an insane asylum and there's, like, more than one? There'd be, like, 13 Jesuses.

Do you think that would be, like, they'd finally work it out and go, well, he looks more like me. Do you think that's the point they become sane? No, you're in there and you're going, holy shit, there's 12 Jesuses, there's one Elvisvis and then there's um yeah you know all the people running it are like we got to keep all the jesus's separate

like if they interact in the break room the exposure therapy is they go into a room and then one jesus will come in they have to like oh deal with this fact and they'll bring another in it's like a slow process gradually bringing more in but you work it out because you're like dude i don't even have a beard all these these other guys have a beard and long hair. I've been kidding myself. All right, guys, I'm out. I'm obviously the worst one here. I'm sticking out.

They get so many, they go, okay, we can have one fat one, one skinny one, that's it, all right? We can have two now. But that would be a fun place to see it because they'd have Elvis's and they'd probably have Charlie Sheen, but that would actually be Charlie Sheen trapped in there yeah it's so topical when are these when are these people going to in sales I don't think they're allowed on the streets yeah yeah yeah we have a whole comedy festival for them yeah

I've been bumping into a lot of them a good idea would be you open an insane asylum but you're like we only accept Elvis's yeah you know that's a bit of fun you've only got people that think they're Elvis the fun insane asylum. Yeah. The one where someone's pretending to be something cool. The theme one. Sorry, you want the Charlie Brown one down the road. Yeah, those are the expensive ones, though.

It's hard getting into a cell asylum. It's really hard to get in. I've almost got in. It's not been that hard. I've been examined for a few days through a glass screen. If you've got the gift. If you've got the gift of the gab. My parents have threatened me many times to go along to one.

I think it's quite easy. If you're licking that glass, they keep you in there. I know what you have to do. What do you have to do? You have to threaten suicide in front of a police officer or harm to others in front of... Oh, really? Yeah.

You have to do it in front of an authority in person. You have to threaten suicide. Do you know what? I've got a friend that did know what I've got a friend that did this I've got a friend that did this who says this pot

is an education yeah I know exactly I've got a friend that did this once he goes he was drinking and driving

so not not approved but this is what he did not that I no one endorses this no one endorses exactly so this guy was

drinking and driving he was having a really really really tough time of it and he was going through a mental episode and then went, started drinking, started drinking heavily, then drove to work. And just before he got to work, like a block away, the cops pulled him up. And he's like, oh, my God, I nearly got away with it. And now I know how I have it.

So the police pulled him over, then got him out of the car and then went, oh, we're going to breath test you. And then he just went mental and just went, oh, well, that's it. I guess I'm fucking, if I don't have my license, I'm going to lose everything. I'm going to go fucking mental. You know what? I'm just going to throw myself off a fucking bridge. And that's it. So no need to lock me up, officer.

I'm just going to, that bridge over there, just let me walk over there and I'll fucking end it all. That's it. If I can't have my license, I'll do this. And we just went so crazy like that that at the end the officer went where's your work again just over there maybe just pop over there just just just leave your car just leave your car wow so then he went over and just got to work and went i cannot believe i got away with that that's unbelievable that's unbelievable also extremely negligent of the police officer but then so a week later did the same thing

and got caught again and then forced the cries forced the tears and everything and I think the police just didn't buy it yeah the police just didn't buy it

didn't see the follow through and nah mate nah mate that's a wrap being midway through it and then you clocking and going this is the same cop

from last night I fucked it here no no that's unbelievable I didn't think that was possible yeah I've been midway through it and then you clocking and going, this is the same cop from last night. I've fucked it here. No. No. That's unbelievable. I didn't think that was possible. Yeah.

It'd be harder for guys to do it. I know girls who have cried. Like, I know a girl who was driving stoned, got pulled over, just started bawling, being like, really started to panic. And then were like, oh, no, you're good. Just keep going before she had to. But I don't think you can pick up weed on a breath test. I think some of them do actually they can it's a separate test isn't it yeah i think so but then she would i think eyes would have been right but whatever yeah it was from the crying yeah have you seen that one

i think it's on rbt and they do they do a breath test and the guy looks absolutely oh yeah and he's just a mental like he's just a crazy guy he's like this is eyes are rolling and they're going what are you on brother and then they had to bring more people in to try and check and they're like no he's just insane there's no there's no bus for that this speaks volumes about what's going on over there in perth you've referenced one very specific bit of one episode of rbt and frank's immediately like, yeah, yeah, I know that one. Yeah, yeah, classic. Classic F.

We all remember where we were when that episode is. Well, because that guy eventually got into Perth comedy. Yeah. Right, right, right. He's running multiple rooms. He does a beautiful Sweet Caroline. Yes, he does, he does. He failed the breath.

He got the breath test and went, you're insane. Instead of going to jail, he's the comedy lounge just down the road. Yeah, Johnny McAllister gave him the call straight away. And said, I've heard we found our new headliner. Mr. Methane has lost his spot. And now he's running three separate rooms in Perth. And they're doing really well. He's a room booker now, actually.

Nothing wrong with that. Frankie, you're over here. You're performing in the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Yes, I'm Comedy Zone. I'm doing Comedy Zone. Showcase of new comedians. Yes, a select few, and it's pretty awkward. And they give you sort of like a mentor director.

Oh, this is fun. And this year, the director of the Comedy Zone is friend of the show, Brett Blake. It is Brett Blake. Now I'm dying to know what kind of guidance Brett Blake gives you. Are you better at comedy than you were a week ago, or are you just much better at coward punching people? Oh, my God.

Everyone opens with, G'day, legends. Yeah, yeah. I said that bit to you. Fuck you. You said it. Oh, my God. You've got to get in quick. I told you that bit a few days ago i have heard from

brett bryke himself i had i have heard i'm being bullied because everyone gets all of you there's five comedians in and all of you get up and go come on yeah yeah yeah that is so funny i would never speak badly about my coach i'd never disrespect him like that hang on is this is he sort of more of a demir dokic type coach oh yeah yeah um he's more like uh it's we it's fine have you brought in the funnel have you been drinking from oh yes we have been doing i assume you're doing like big blocks of alcohol and basically getting drunk at the coop he has us on steroids. Oh, really? Yeah, for special comedy steroids. It's such a weird to think of someone coming in to mould the youth and a comedy technician.

And then it's Brett Blake who's, I think, he's more known for his volume on mic than his skills as a writer. Well, you know, the cost of living has hit the comedy festival. They couldn't afford microphones and amplification this year. So that's why they get bred in to coach the comedy zone. So they can all just scream over the top of the audience and not need a microphone. Yeah, yeah.

And they're saving costs. What's been like one of his good tips that you've got, potentially? His insights that he's put on the whiteboard. What is literally, what has he said about you? He doesn't, he's been pretty chill. Like, I think he's not trying to micromanage at all. Right. But he's just being supportive as possible.

Did he say to you to speed it up and yell more? No. I thought that's what he told you. Hang on, hang on. He hasn't said much. He sounds really drunk when he's turned up to your meetings there. Yeah, I think so. I think so.

Is it true that as his protégés, you're all staying with him in the annex of his tent? Yes, we are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. We're actually on a trailer park. staying with him in the annex of his tent. Yes, we are. We're actually on a trailer park. We're sleeping in the same bed. It must be hard to take advice from someone who's in a gutter as he's saying it to you. Does he still live in the tent?

No, but I was down for two nights, right near where he was camping. It was good to remember that beautiful episode we did when he was just out of a break up and living in a tent for a week. And he said, come down and record an episode. And we went down there and we bullied him about his camp. You were holidaying in a tent, mate. His home is not a costume, all right? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I wasn't staying in the campground.

I was staying in a proper house up the road and I walked past. But look at him now. He's coaching the zone. Exactly. He's now the road and I walked past. But look at him now. He's coaching the zone. He's now the teacher. Our sensei. He's making no sensei. This guy's making no sensei.

This guy's making no sensei. Now we're on his tour. That's beautiful. 12 noon to 4pm so on the big issue. 4pm to 8 o'clock coaching the youth Tomorrow What a big work day Yeah I don't know

It is really just The Hey Legends thing That he said to us Has he taught you How to cook food On an iron Yeah Yeah that's like

We were We were talking about this Maybe on a bonus set But there was a guy Who started around The same time as us And he would do this workshop About like How to make a living off just doing comedy yes and

the workshop would be like guys step one move in with your parents step two get rid of your mobile phone step three only eat two minute noodles for every meal and it's like i mean this technically is how to live on just comedy but would you call that living that Yeah, is that what I meant? It's like, dude, you're like 40. What are you doing? Yeah, you can cook potatoes in the engine of your car. Stupid ideas. That guy was great. He did a big seminar once in the back of a bus with Nick Cody. He was telling Nick Cody, yep, bring a cheese sandwich from home in a plastic bag. Oh, my God.

That's how you make it in comedy. It's like, Cody's like, mate, you've been doing comedy 15 years more than me and you're sitting in the same bus as me going to the same gig. Was he being ironic? No. He was being, it was his actual tears.

Yes. Dude, you'd have a better life on Centrelink, to be honest. Yes. Yeah. He probably was on Centrelink still, most likely.

No, totally. That's the hidden secret of all comedians are basically on Centrelink. You'd have a better life working a couple of shifts at a cafe. Yeah, honestly.

If it's that or just me living off fucking rainwater out of the gutter. You'd be having a better living just living with your parents still, but just staying there, not coming and bombing an open mic every night. His parents, by the way, live like an hour and a half out of the city, getting the train, having a like go on. Why does it sound too train? This is sounding a lot like me. Guys describing my actual life.

You lived a life before. Yeah, I had stories before. So you were doing comedy and you had dignity. Yeah, I've got some dignity. I say you live with your parents twice in your life. Once on the way up, once on the way down. Once from zero to 20 and once from 20 to when you die. That's so good.

Oh, my Lord. That's so funny, just walking around your parents as a grown man being like, can't believe I'm back in this fucking shit. But also, I just remembered we've been hanging shit on this guy for living with his parents for five minutes and then going, oh, fuck, hang on, Wolfie does that. Wolfie does. Sorry, Wolfie.

Yeah, but it's cute when Wolfie does it. Yeah, dude, it's cute when Wolfie does it. Yeah, dude, it's all fun for me, hey. It's charming. How are you renting a podcast studio out but you're still living with... Why don't you just sleep in the podcast studio? What are your priorities right now? The wisdom of youth, hey, Carl?

That's a great point. That's actually right. We do have a pod studio. Why don't you sleep in the pod studio? Do you still have that one? Yeah, it's really nice in North Perth. Yeah, and you let anti-vaxxers go fucking ramble in there for half an hour. It's ridiculous.

They ramble for hours. Yeah, I'll let you guys, I'll pay for the studio. Hey, they're not called anti-vaxxers. They're called Perth comedians, okay? Thank you, thank you. By the way, my message to Frankie about the pod was, never think about any answers, anything from when you're on The Amazing Race or honestly just anything we can bully Wolfie about.

Yeah, it's all about bullying. You've seen half the message and it's white noise and then at the bottom it's like, I'll focus on that. I was going to be like, I don't even want to because there's nothing embarrassing that you could really be embarrassed about. Yeah, man.

But then I think to get you is to be like, to get the people you hang around. Yeah, well, you've got to target. And to hold you accountable for your choices. No, but the thing is, there are no choices. It's a small place. No, not here. And you're still hanging around the flies here.

We're in Melbourne. We're in the hub. No, but it's accidental. Everyone's around. There's no accidents. I'm a people pleaser. There's no accidents. I'm a people pleaser.

I don't want to be mean to people. I had to give you my address twice to get you to come here. It was hard work. You're willingly going to the Exford every night. That's not an accident. I love the Exford. They let me back in. Tell us about this.

Last time you were on the podcast, you told us about how you got banned from the worst pub in Melbourne. You got banned from that. Yeah. Catch me if you can. Yes. That was it. People chased you around. And I was laughing and joking.

It was jovial. It was very fun for me. Benny Hill style around the Exford, the worst pub in Melbourne. Now, you got unbanned. I know this because you took me to the X-Ford the other night. It's unbelievable. I went back and I thought, there's no way they'll remember me. As soon as I arrived, they said, no, mate, not ever.

Fuck you. They had your picture on the wall of the X-Ford with a cross through. And I broke it a deal. I said, come on. It was a bit of a joke. a cross through. And I broke it a deal. I said, come on. It was a bit of a joke. And then we got, I had some other comics. Hang on, what's the deal? You broke the deal.

I had other comics vouch for me. And they're like, he was joking. He's a good guy. And then they got the owner, the manager, the two bouncers. And the agreement was that I'm allowed back in. But we agreed, if I fuck up again, they can take me off camera and beat the fuck out of me. And I was like... Double or nothing.

Hang on. I'm fine with that. You think that's a deal? And I said, what a great deal. How's that a deal? I can't wait to be leaving in an ambulance in the next two hours. So that's my deal. They can smash me.

There's not many comics that come to the Melbourne Comedy Festival and get other comics to vouch for them, just to be allowed in the door of a venue. Not even about the gig or any stage time. you know what i almost did though because i thought this might happen but there's accommodation in the exit and i go you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna book a fucking room oh yeah nice actually i've got trojan horse i've got keys to one of your shitty bunk beds up there let me in and let me get bed bugs with the rest of them. Dude, it's a nice bar though. It's fun there

because no one judges you. Because no one can judge because it's the bottom of the bottom. Yes, it's the Melbourne Star Wars bar. Dude,

it's actually a comforting place, rock bottom. Yeah. You don't get judged. Mum and dad aren't around, it's awesome. That bunk bed is a step up for me, man.

Yeah, but I was, it's just a great place. Yeah, bunk bed is a step up, you fucking but I was Yeah a bunk bed is a step up It is It's actually a ladder up there Yeah Lots of steps up That bunk bed is actually a tom bunk for me So it's amazing Like I'll keep you posted

But the story has a happy ending I'm back at the X-Fit You're back at the X-Fit For how long is the question Yeah I don't think that's happy for you or them Yeah because I must say, at night two I was cut off from booze.

So, yeah, it's already sort of bubbling. But you're still allowed in the venue and you're doing this like a couple of hours before you go to the airport. So this trip, you've successfully managed to not get banned from the expo. Yes, yes. I can say it loud and proud.

I'm back. But what do you think when you get cut off from a bar, right, where you've already brokered this deal, where if you fuck up, you get taken out in an ambulance, you've got to the point where you've drunk so much that they've cut you off. How do you even let yourself get to that point where there's that holding above your head?

And then the worst, comics started buying me drinks because they wanted to get bashed. They're like, Wolfie, let me get you a pint. I want to see you with the paramedics. That's good. You just know there would have been one of those security guards who'd brokered that deal with you, just praying that you are, just wanting the excuse.

Not just about you, but just like the opportunity to bash anyone off camera. The funnest night was the next night because one of the bouncers didn't know about it. And he goes, no, mate, you're not coming in. I've seen the video. And I'm like, no, dude, you're not up. How legendary is this story? I say, you're not up with the thing.

We've broken a deal. I'm back, baby. Now, have you been literally anywhere else in Melbourne? Because so far, you're describing this trip to Melbourne as literally every night you've been into the Oxford. No, I've gone to the artist bar. And then I've wandered the streets. The second my phone what artist bar what's it called the fucking festival yeah but how did you get in you don't have a do you have a pass on you're not an artist I talked my way in man wow did you go up to Susan Proven go if I fuck up yeah you can beat the fuck out of me the festival the festival boss can beat the fuck out of me. Bash me off. The festival boss can beat the fuck out of you.

Dude, yeah, I did a joke that Brett Blake taught me and they believed it as a comedian. I did a full-back role. You put your little Angus Young school boy uniform on. I'm part of the comedy zone. I'm 14 years old. Susan, I'm sure you've heard the big news. I'm allowed back in at the end.

Now, how about a schooner of young Henry's? That's an affiliate venue of the artist bar up here. Yep. No, but I wandered the streets one night because my phone died and I didn't know where I was. Oh, and I ran into you. Yeah, someone ran into me at 7am. I was still walking.

Oh. North Melbourne's hard to find. Hang on, hang on. Now, your phone went dead. My phone's dead. I didn't have money. I lost everything. So on, hang on. Now, your phone went dead. My phone's dead. I didn't have money. I lost everything. Yeah, but...

So I'm just on the streets. I have to use like homing pigeon skills and find the place. Yeah, I heard about this from Meg. Yeah, someone spotted me. Concerned other individuals.

Yeah, yeah. So we saw him at 7am. So you didn't know how to walk home or get home? No, I walked home but I just kept getting lost. Oh, right, right.

And I realised that he like peak form because the junkies were actually crossing the street to get away from me and I was like I'm the monster now

so you're trying to find where you're staying in North Melbourne so you're just like walking down the street you're seeing the South Melbourne market and you're like

oh I fucked it here that's what I'll tell you hot tip I'm seeing too many dim sims down here turn around that's the hot tip for anyone out there Turns out North Melbourne Hotel is in

It's to the north It's to the north Not to the south Carry a compass on you Do you ever think of your children in those moments? Do you ever think Oh I'm a father Yeah it's very

Do you ever think of those moments of your children A.K.A. the comedy zone To you Brett Blake Do you ever think of them? Oh no man, a.k.a. the comedy zone, to you, Brett Blake? Yeah, yeah. Do you ever think of them? Oh, no, man. You can't say that. That makes me feel really mean.

It makes me want to cry. Oh, sorry. No, it's good. It's fine. I'm over it. It is Easter weekend, too, so you were doing this instead of hiding chocolate eggs out of the backyard. They've gone away.

They're in right now. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, that's good. Not thinking of daddy. Yeah, I do have a fun story about you, though. Yes. At Beer Fest. Do you remember?

Oh, you can't give the Beer Fest. Yeah, I feel like I have a video of it as well. Then you push the guy. Woofie was bombing so badly at this Beer Festival. Which was normal. That's normal for me. Yeah, in Perth and then in Fremantle. And then some guy started heckling you and like some fat guy in a chair.

And he's like, Oh look, the beanbags talking. It was so funny. But you were just, and people were getting up and leaving cause you were getting really aggressive. Like you were going like, I'm not a TV man.

I'm right here. I'm actually right here. Then you start walking up to him actually right here. And then you push him. No, I'm right here. I'm actually right here. Then you start walking up to him. I'm actually right here. And then you push him. No. You know what actually happens? While he's sitting on the chair. What?

I have the video of it. This is not making you look good here, Frankie. I have the video. No, he actually said to me, I said, you know, I'm a real person, right? If you spoke to me like this in a bar. You called him a beat bag. Yeah. But I said, if you spoke to me like this in a bar, I will fucking knock you out, possibly.

And then he goes, go like i'm serious man like you've got to be more respectful to me i don't like i'm a real person to you well just lots of horrific shit and then i said literally dude i i will come over there and get you and then he gave and he said you'll do fucking nothing mate i've got a great call i've got and then i said well i guess I have to fucking Follow through But then I went I went and pushed him I didn't actually

I just pushed him Yeah yeah He just He went a little bit Back on his chair And he completely I've sort of pushed him I'm looking for the video

I'm not a fucking monster I'm looking for the video I've got the video I've got a video of it Beautiful It is great though You call this guy A beanbag

And then he says Stuff back to you You go Come on man I've got feelings I was in for that Dude it was a good burn a beanbag with a hat on it that is nice i like that a lot that should have got them back that's why i was pissed off that's good enough to get a crowd back oh right okay oh shit dude but yeah if you if you see that video

maybe we can put some Music to it To make it sound A bit more comical Yeah I think Mickey J did Mickey J put Covergirl behind it Oh that's good Yeah put Covergirl

Yeah here it is It's not as horrific Oh yeah I started recording When I knew it was Going to get Really bad Yeah here we go

I don't think That video is good For this format Yeah No we can We can commentate it We can see him Jump off the stage

We're seeing a walk off Oh yeah wow Oh that's good Yeah That's aggressive I like it Yeah Well yeah We can commentate it. We can see him jump off the stage. We're seeing a walk-off. Oh, yeah. Wow. Who's this guy? Oh, that's good. Yeah. Oh, that's aggressive. I like it. Yeah.

Well, yeah, you know. Did the guy complain? He was fine with it, eh? He was fine. He was fine. Nothing ever comes out in Perth, eh? Yeah. There's no consequences.

I forgot this is Perth. Yeah, there's no consequences. I did something much worse that night. Do you remember that? Yeah, I know what you did. Yeah. Do you want that on the pop? I feel like it's probably, maybe I'll wait a few years until it's a little bit more distant.

Oh, damn. Yeah, yeah, that's hot gas. I reckon you should. But no, but actually, no one gives a fuck about him. Yeah, but don't give him the air. Bury it. And then it's tantalising. Do it some other time.

I just kissed someone awful that night. Well, at least Wolfie got something out of the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. I thought that kiss was amazing. What are we doing? You guys probably wouldn't even know it. You kissed a beanbag?

No, I kissed a beanbag. We were the expert security cameras for that one. Oh, my God. But what about, you told me the other night, Wolfie, that you're losing weight. You're getting fitter at the moment. You are looking good. I've lost a lot of weight. I've just cut out food. That weight? You're getting fitter at the moment? You're looking good. I've lost a lot of weight.

I've just cut out food. That's how you do it. What else though? I just have alcohol but no food now. But what else though? I got on the Xempic. You're on the Xempic?

I was on the fucking Xempic but I had to come off it because I got a Xempic face. Yeah. It's all wrinkled up like a prune. So yeah, you're all wrinkly

because you've lost all the weight. Your face really slims down. I have more wrinkles in my forehead than my dad, who's like 76. And I'm like, oh, it's fucked me up badly. Because you lose it too quickly. You lose it really quickly and the skin becomes like paper. I've got

furrowed brow now. I look like I'm always worried, but I am actually always worried. I don't think it's fair to blame that all on ozempic oh but dude i lost so much weight it was incredible why did you go on ozempic you were never like you're not fat i was just like all the the big stars were doing it he's a big oprah fan how much was it it was actually expensive because early on i couldn't get ozempic i was onenda, which is the more expensive version. It was like 400 bucks a month.

And then you've got to inject yourself every day. But you know what the problem was? I actually started getting lazy and was skipping the needles. I'm like, I can't be fucked. Yeah, I don't want to do it anymore. That's when you know you're going to be fat for the rest of your life, when you're actually going like, you know what? The needles too.

I can't even pull the needle out and inject myself to stop me eating. I'm skipping needle days. Like skipping leg days. Just trying to drink it out of the thing. Yeah. But I wouldn't recommend it, hey. I've always been quite an ugly guy and I've dropped at least two points. I went from about a five to a three.

Yeah, okay. You're never happy. Skinny three. Fucking skinny three, though. Do you need a prescription for it? How hard is it to get? Dude, it's just slung. I've got a Zimbabwean doctor.

He gives me anything. I pretty much walk in, Google something, and he'll just give me a prescription. I guess we're going to find out in Thailand. Could you get a Zempik over there? You can get everything else. I wonder if you can get that. Yeah, good question.

I wonder. Off-brand Zempik. Yeah, probably. I'd say so. You've got the fake Valiums and the fake Viagra, surely. But it'll be like, you know, it's such a great lens to view culture as a whole on. Because you go in and you see, like, what brands are being ripped off. Like, you know, when Beats by Dre became big.

And then you go over there and it's like, wow, they're big enough to be being knocked off in Thailand. So that's the, like, critical mass point for a zempic if they catch on and they're like hey this is worth making a fucking dodgy version of yeah i can't wait to be asleep and skinny with a massive heart on yeah let's get on it let's get on the zempic rail thin wrinkled up yeah yeah yeah maybe you'll get like a special massage where they jerk you off and inject you oh yeah yeah yeah so it'll be like a whole experience like yeah yeah you go yes yes you leave there satisfied and skinny yeah jerked as jerked off as i lose weight yeah awesome living the dream yeah sign me up

so off the o Ozempic. Yeah, I came off. It's a relief. Okay. But then it's changed the way I eat now, so I don't eat a lot of food, but I feel weak and tired all the time. So what does it do? It just tricks your body into thinking you've already eaten.

You just have that, you know, when you're hungry and the reflex kicks in and your body lets you know you're full? Yeah. You just feel full the whole time. So you have no urges to eat. But it's actually very depressing because food's such a fun part of life. And then you have no desire for food. So you're like, now what I've left.

But you don't need it if you're walking around until 7am trying to find your hotel. It's enough stimulation already. How much do you eat if you're walking for fucking 18 hours a day and you still need a drug? Yeah, it's much cheaper to just forget where your hotel is.

It's a much clever option. But I think there is a fake ozempic going around so you've got to be careful, boys. Okay. There's one that doesn't work and it's just fat people just

needling themselves for no reason. Right, that's the one that the actual diabetics have to get now is the Fakirs M-PIC for their actual medication. Yeah, I think that's actually what happened. It was quite bad because all the diabetics weren't able to get the meds. They cut it off.

I wasn't aware of that. But I also think being fat's a disability as well, in a way. Am I wrong? You can die from a heart attack. Someone skin me up. Are you on Dexys? You're not on Dexys, are you? No, I should be, but I'm not.

Yeah, that will help you lose weight. Really? It suppresses your hunger all the time. I've had two today. I haven't eaten anything. Oh, my God. Yeah. I had a bit of dip today.

Hang on. How are you the one that's been on Dexys today out of the two people in this couch? Oh, because I worked all week. I've been doing the long weekend at Triple J. So I had to do night stuff and get up in the morning. And it's just been so long and crazy. I've had a lot of different medications where they say, oh, this will affect your appetite.

I'm like, yeah, dream on. It never does. And then got on the Dexys and it's like, well, I'll be damned. I'm going all day without just even thinking about eating. It's fucked up. Get on it, Wolfie. Get on it. You're going to be Dexys midnight walkers.

Yeah. But don't you get all that sort of walk? Dexy's 7am walkers. Don't you get that dry mouth with the white sort of foamy thing? I don't get the foamy thing. You don't have to get the... I was actually on the way out of time now. I'm a bit out of your mind.

I know. Yeah, yeah. I'm salivating for some reason. We should say for long-time listeners too, you told me this when you turned up. You are staying at the Miami. Oh, mate. It is such the place, dude. I love that place.

The place in North Melbourne, what's it gone up to, about $60 a night now? Yeah, but it's actually the best. That cost of living crisis has really ballooned the price of the Miami. It's like a little family down there. I love it now. You're in there, cooking in the kitchen. It's my new home. Yeah, cooking what though, Meth? it's my new mom and dad because when

you're living at home in such a destitute sort of setup yeah everywhere's up yeah do you know what i mean like that hotel i'm like we are living large now they've got soap and and again and again 40 minutes or whatever we are into this episode it just clicked and reminded me you're my stock broker yeah i know i know we were were ahead quite heavily early in the year, but then it's turned around. God damn. So we're always on the up or down. My comedian friend of the show, Michael Hing,

messaged me the other day to go, did Wolfie have you on whatever this share was? And I was like, yeah, at one stage, I think. And he went, there's a class action suit coming up. So who knows? You might end up making quite a lot of money out of this, if the class action goes through. Against what?

Against that or against Wolfie? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, it's against me. I didn't want to mention it.

Yeah, no, dude, you were up. So I should have got you out of bed. Yeah, but that's not a good story when I say you were up.

I want to hear you, you are up. Let's sell these shares. I like your summary of the biz just before you go, it's how it works. You're either up or you're down. Oh, is that how it works?

You've got to keep it simple for the populace. I want to hear the saying, you're always up with Andrew Wolfe. I don't want to hear the possibility of down. But how down is he at this point? He's down about 30%. Fuck. That's bad.

That's a good. Not the way we trade because we're looking for 5Xs 10Xs So it's normal Just chopping the water It's normal This money You know like when you're in a plane

And you go It's just a bit of turbulence Drink service will resume shortly I mean my head's hit the fucking roof of the plane The pilot has jumped out the plane With a parachute But drinks will resume shortly roof of the plane. The pilot has jumped out the plane with a parachute. But drinks will resume shortly.

Have a safe flight. There's seatbelts for a reason. We'll get there. It's just not as easy as it looks. Trading. I've watched a lot of billions. It looks really hard. In terms of where we are in the money, because this money was officially supposed to be for a bar in Thailand.

So at this point, instead of it being anywhere near owning a bar in Thailand, I believe they've brokered a deal with me at this Thai bar where they're going to fucking take me out of there in an ambulance. Yeah, 100%. Well, you've got enough now maybe to set up a rub and tug with a Zenpick. No, I don't. I don't have anything because I'm 30% down on what I gave you.

No, we can buy a piece of wood and have a hole in the wall and you can get your dick pulled off and put a Zen pick needle into it. You can buy a glory hole in Thailand with what he's got. Yeah, you'll get a glory hole and someone can inject the dick I'm going to have a glory hole business over there and they're going to say, wow, where did you get the money to set this up? Well, I just burnt a bunch by giving it to Wolfie

and then I did this. Yeah, well, you know, we've learned some lessons we're on that we're coming back what i feel like every time as i bring this up because i've now had this money with you for years yeah i know i can't believe how long it's been i feel like you it's the start of the pandemic right yeah i feel like you always just forget about it and every time i go how's that how's those shares going wolfie all of a sudden i get a flurry of emails from whoever the share people are that go, oh, there's been this movement made, this movement made. Yeah, there's a little bit of activity.

Yeah. It's like Wolfie thinks I'm on my way to Perth or he's on our way to Melbourne and we're on our way to Perth. Yeah. He's going to come face to face with me all of a sudden. Dude, it's like cleaning up your house for a rental. Exactly, exactly. I'm running around tizzing shit up, going, holy fuck.

There are punch holes in the wall. We're going to fucking move some of the picture frames. Yeah, a lot of furniture walled around. Let's hide that broken toilet. You know what I mean? But no, it's all's well that ends well. Okay, all right, all right. Well, you know, you're just your random like grab bag of sayings

that you just pick from. I watched a lot of Wall Street growing up. I just used meme trading. What about this? What is it now? First of April. Okay. What can we do in, we're going to the Coastal Movie Podcast Festival in about 10 weeks.

Okay, well I have to move. What can we do? You're in something now that like will double back. So that would be up, you're up 50%. But if we need to make it move quicker, I've got another rocket. I'll move it across. Baker's Empic.

That's what I want to get into. Yeah, I'll move it across into, yeah, it's a similar sort of drug. It's a kidney treatment drug. And that can, should 3X. Okay, all right. You might, you know,

you might end up work out three times. Let's go short term. Okay, I'll go short term. What can we do in 10 weeks? 10 weeks, what can we get? I want to buy something cool in Thailand. Do you want to actually say the number that you've got? No,

no, no, no. We'll figure it out. Yeah, yeah, you can. Yeah,

I can. I can. If I, if I get a bit more risky with the trades. Yeah, go for it. Go for it. Go high risk.

High risk. You're signing off on this. Yes. Okay. High risk. I reckon I can triple it. Fuck yes. Let me remind you. You've lost 30% Yes. Okay, high risk. I reckon I can triple it. Fuck yes. Let me remind you,

you've lost 30% on something that was low risk. No, but you were up 50% in February. So what? Two of the wells were dusters. I didn't know. Who knew? He usually put all my money into a cure for COVID, which went fucking nowhere.

Oh, mate, but that's coming back now. It might get approved. Oh, you think this like eighth wave of COVID that we're having is going to drive up the stocks and just cure? That stem cell thing is actually the way forward. It'll eventually get approved and I'll end up the king. So do you have

any choice in what he does with your money? You put it into whatever. He's the man. You just leave it and then you go. I see this man who lives with his parents and go, you're my, you're my superannuation. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so good. And he's taken that money from you and he still hasn't moved out. What does that tell you? Broke in the jail with you in my, in my jocks and my parents back. He's made,

he's my stockbroker. He's come over here for the weekend done two gigs with me he's made more money off me than i've made money off it's actually true i made more money from his kids that's a good point yeah that's a good point you're his stockbroker yes yes you are my stockbroker yes broker my broker yeah stock broken stock broken so you i'm broken bro from this talk yeah

guys you know this is what I get from coming on a podcast with three 40 year old guys yeah fucking stock hey I'm 37 thanks very much

oh okay sorry sorry I still got a I still got a couple of years left in me I'm 54 dude you're much older than that you're looking good yeah the ozempics

really work fuck yeah um Carl your stockbroker was telling us earlier about a fight that he got in with a meth head over the last, over the Easter weekend. Oh, my God, dude. This place is unsafe. Melbourne, they don't want us here.

The universe. I feel like it has gotten slightly methier from the last time I was here. Oh, really? I feel like it has. Yeah, because Perth, I always say, is the methiest of cities. No, you know actually what happened? It was a crazy guy, a meth head, that ran up and tried to attack it. But he had attacked another comic earlier in the night.

Who? We worked it out together. Well, I don't know if they want anyone to say that. Yeah, let's put it out. And then what happened is he came running up to us and he was like, come on, mate, you fucking let's go, let's go. And I was with some other people. I was with like some friends.

And then he goes, come on, let's fucking get started. And I, I go, all right, let's go. Cause I thought he was going to actually going to fuck me up.

So I took my jacket off and then wrapped it over his head and sort of like, I don't know how I did this. I'm not a fighter. I must've seen it on YouTube or watching UFC. You don't need to say, you don't need to say I'm not a fighter when you take your jumper off and wrap it around I wrapped it around him. I might have gotten this move from watching the UFC.

They're wearing jackets. You know when Conor McGregor jumps in the ring with a fucking big sweater on and then pulls it off. So we had him tied up and I was sort of banging him around and stunning him. I was stunning him and then he came back up and he was fucking a lot more angry, to be honest. You're like Bugs Bunny. Someone provokes you. You've just got the perfect physical.

You're pushing him. You're hog-tied him with a jacket. All of a sudden, Wolfie puts on lipstick and puts his sexy dress on. All fat. But then we were with a comic's daughter, Finn, who's like the best. And she basically jumped to my defense. So I was holding her back and she went up to me and goes, come on, one hit and you can hit me and I'll hit you back.

And they're lining up and then she just clocked him. And it was like the biggest boss move I've ever seen in my life, dude. She defended me. I was ecstatic. And then what happened is we were like, mate, we don't even know you. We want to go home. Bye. And is this the night that you couldn't remember where you lived

or was this a separate night the night before no so anyway so then we're like bye and it was all diffused but then we were we were lingered around too long we were deliberating on where to get food we're like should we get chinese should we get this like just 50 meters down the road and then he just came from nowhere with uh the two girls and just not just just swarmed us. Yeah, they had been there early on and he just came and fucking swarmed us. You know that when we come to Perth

and it's raining or something, people will say, oh, you brought the weather with you. You brought the Perth with you to Melbourne. A hundred percent. It felt like Northbridge on any night. And then he just knocked someone out and it all ended there, really. It's like the meth sleeperer agent where just like wolfie's presence just like you know they fire up they just get activated there's just like something in the air when wolfie's

like blood moon hey and it all comes on exactly it almost sounds like you were the problem yeah well look when i look back on my life i always feel to be involved in a lot of it. The original source. You guys are like, he started a fight with us. Dude, I defended us. Well, not really. I held her bag, but she defended us. Finn looked after us. I was so proud, dude.

What a boss move. But the lesson is to just fucking go and get food quickly. Don't, you know, don't fuck around. Don't walk around in the middle of the night. Yeah, it was also 3.45, not a really good option. There you go. I would never, ever punch someone for you. Really? Oh, my God.

As a 21-year-old, I'd never do that. Dude, it's cool as shit. I'm trying to think what the scenario would need to be for me to be like, I'm going to leap in here and protect Wolfie's honour. Yeah. No offence. Yeah. No offence taken.

I would, I mean, I would be more likely to take a job at the Oxford and hope for you to fuck up and punch you. Yeah, yeah. Fuck, that's so good.

Wolfie comes back here next year, you and me out the front of the Oxford with lanyards on, just flicking off the security camera. Just say to the bartender, I heard he took a piss

on the jukebox over there. Let's get him. Let's get him. I had heard a couple of Melbourne comics have put their CV in, hey. Oh, really? Potentially. Wow. Yeah.

But yeah, fuck. Scary times, hey. It's going to be good to get back to safe Perth. How does this trip compare to your previous, your last year? They're always very chaotic. Frankie was on The Amazing Race. Yeah, but no, let's year. They're always very chaotic. Frankie was on The Amazing Race. Yeah, but no, let's talk about the street fight, sure. No, but whatever you did on The Amazing Race on TV

must have sounded like a fucking piece of piss compared to the last two or three days of Andrew in Melbourne. No way, no way. Yeah, yeah. I'd rather be in India. I'd much rather be in the deli markets probably breathing in some disease. I'd rather be in the deli slums

with my dad than hanging around with Andrew Wolf at 3am in South Melbourne. With whoever shows up. How was it like in India? Was it fun? Yeah, it was good. It was the craziest place in the world. How long do you guys go there?

Is it all just for cameras and you're only there for a few hours in each place? Do you run around a lot or are they slowly filmed? No, we run around the entire time. It's nothing slow about it. Do they look after you? Do they have security? Yeah, there's security. Like not that?

Yeah, we were on the show with Bec Judd and she's Chris Judd's wife, like quite a footballer, like very famous wag. Massive cooker, yeah. She shows up, I think she has an activewear brand and I think she was wearing the activewear and I was like, this country is like, you know, I'm going to dress pretty respectfully

even though it's so hot. It's 50 degrees, like it's the hottest place ever. to dress pretty respectfully even though it's so hot. It's 50 degrees. Like it's the hottest place ever. And then she's like wearing this like lycra. I'm like, oh, okay, slay. Like it's just a bit worried for you. But all right, you know. And then there were guys on the street jerking off to her.

No! No! No! Yeah, they were with their dicks out. Wow! As she's walking around. I didn't see it personally, but I heard about it at the end of the day. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. Because I remember thinking that. Did they get that on the show? Amazing race up late. You see the guys jacking off. Yeah, I guess the Indians really are an amazing race.

Check out this amazing race. And she's seen that and been like, okay, we've got some traction here. We're going to open up our first international store. There's an ad for it right after this. And I'm collabing with Lululemon. I thought she was the one supposed to be active. It sounds like they're a lot more active.

I liked it. You did do a very graphic act out of the whacking off. Oh, yeah. That's clearly the tutelage of Brett Blake. Yeah, true, true, true. He taught me. He was like, do it like that. And I'll show you about it later.

I'll show you about it later. Yeah, so. Oh, my God. You did the act out and then you were like, I didn't actually see it, by the way. Yeah, I didn't actually see it. That's what I pictured. Because did the act out and then you were like, I didn't actually see it, by the way. Yeah, I didn't actually see it. That's what I pictured. Because I was in there and I remember thinking, like,

oh, I'd hate to be, like, not that my dad would ever protect me in any sense. Like, he'd just, like, you know. But, like, I was thinking, like, I can't imagine being two girls, like, doing this challenge by yourself. I remember going, like, oh, I wonder how they're faring right now because it's hectic. Yeah.

There's a lot of just groping as you're walking through, but like... Yeah, it gets a bit like that. There's a lot of people on the street. Yeah, there's a lot of people. It's like, it is truly... You think your dad would just be like, stop jacking off over my daughter, you beanbag.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because at the end of the day, I was like, oh, no one jacked off to me all day. You know, like I didn't see one dick out. She was feeling down. Yeah, I was feeling a bit down. You're like wearing a boot tube.

Is that what it was? Are you not entertained? Yeah. There was just six guys jerking off to the guy from Catherine Kim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We love him. Yeah, you were topless in the G Street. But I can't remember if he said, I have a joke about this and I can't remember.

I think he probably did say this or maybe I made it up in my head. But I was like, oh, no one jerked off to me, like trying to be funny. He was like, oh, I would have jerked off to you, love. No, I think you're beautiful. Hang on, who said that? My dad. No. God, that's rude.

That's awesome. I think he said this. That's so funny. You're not even joking. I'm not even joking. He said this. It would have been hilarious. You're not even joking. No, but he's very funny like that you know he's like you know and because i would have been yeah yeah but now i do a bit where i say that he said that to me yeah

yeah yeah i'm sure you can and then i say my dad's rolf harris yeah that's the celebrity i was talking about because he's here for the comedy festival in town oh he's here for chicago yeah he's in a musical so he's just coming around with me to places afterwards and yeah did he time that just because i saw that on the billboards and everything did he time that just so he's in town with you no no no he's he um he signed that off because he uh we were so broke so he's just like i have to do a musical now oh i thought it was more like, I need to be there with Frankie in Melbourne. Because there's people like Andrew Wolf walking around. I did see him on a scooter and he didn't say hello to me. He would have loved to have seen you.

He was excited that you were in town. And Brett's directing Chicago as well, isn't he? Yes. Give it the old razzle dazzle. Part six, Chris. Legends. It's not over till that fat bitch sings or whatever. Wait, the name on everyone's lips is going to be Legends.

It is a Chicago line. I haven't seen Chicago, so it's not really. Oh, I thought you'd be a big fan of the one. No, I love musicals. The name on everyone's lips. It's Emu Exborn. I used to go watch them in London. They're so fun.

Yeah, good. Yeah, I'm happy. I went and watched your sister's one. Oh, yeah. It was fucking awesome. Poofy went to my little sister's high school musical. Dressed as Rolf Harris. Whoa.

Yeah, because we had spare tickets and we were in. It's actually, it was a great production. Yeah, it was a good production. I did feel a bit weird and creepy. No, did you? We were front row. We were front row and it was me and production. Yeah, it was a good production. I did feel a bit weird and creepy. No, did you? We were front row. We were front row and it was me and I think we brought Mickey J as well. And we were, I was, I get really excited.

Wolfie's in the front row going, don't worry about me, I'm part Indian. Just pulling his dick. I get excited though. You don't realise I'm like a dog around fireworks. I'm clapping. Yeah, yeah, you are, you are. I was very dramatic in the crowd. What was the production?

Legally Blonde. Oh, Legally Blonde. It's a great production I like the idea of oh I come because it was had a few spare tickets

they're spare tickets to a fucking child's fucking musical let them be spared and you know what the musical

is this year what is it Chicago oh nice I have to go so if your old man if your old man does well at her madge or whatever he's at, he will get the part in the high school music. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He has to Billy Madison and roll at the school in order to be in the production of Chicago. Yeah, yeah. No, he started in – the music's been going for a while now. So he didn't plan it to be like in Melbourne one night. Okay, right. That was just a coincidence. Yeah. Yeah. What's his main song that was just a coincidence. Yeah. Yeah.

What's his main song that he sings? Mr. Cellophane. I don't know. And he sings a big belt at the end. It's actually quite, he's quite good. But it's just like. How did it go? Then I.

It's fucking awesome. This big magazine reached out to me before I left for Melbourne. Is that an Indian magazine? Oh, yeah. Yeah, there we go. Good shit. Freddie Blake in the house, baby. Good shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beck Judd Freddie Blake in the house, baby. Good shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to be the mentor. Yeah. Beck Judd has a resident spot on the front. Yeah. Yeah. No, they reached out because they were just like asking about Zone and Comedy Festival or whatever.

And I answered the questions being like, I'm sure everyone in Zone is being asked to do this interview. And then like two out of the six questions are about dad and i'm like that's surely that yeah that's fine like i'll just answer those and they're they're over email they're not on the phone so there's no tone that's of course again there's no tone that's meant to be put in anyway it's a written up article but then they made the cover a photo of me and dad from amazing race and the and the quote that was like huge and paul's like he's a 60 year old man i'm a 21 year old girl but we have quote that was huge and Paul was like, he's a 60-year-old man, I'm a 21-year-old girl,

but we have the same sense of humour. I was like, that's the fucking quote you used and the photo and everything they put in there was from what I said about dad. I was like, fuck, I have to be so careful. Well, it's better than the quote, oh, my dad said he was going to jerk off over me. They'll see that on stage. I just don't have to put it in there.

I just think he was saying that everyone's getting those same questions. Hey, Meg Yeager, what do you think about Frankie's dad? What do you think about her dad? Hey, Brett Blake, what do you think

about Frankie's dad? He's a fucking legend. His name's Brett. Oh, my name's Brett. I love that documentary you did, Kath and Kim. All right, guys,

we better wrap it up there for another week on the little dumb-dumb That was a quick one I like that I felt quick because Wolfie talked for 50 minutes yeah that's true

I didn't think I thought I could barely get a word in yeah yeah when has that ever happened in any conversation with you I'm actually run down

and tired at the moment I would have talked more thank you so much for having us on guys yeah thank you thank Thanks for joining us. Frankie, you're on Triple J. I am on Triple J, yeah. There was three minutes of dead air today,

so just that was all my fault, guys. What's what happened? I just closed a tab that was supposed to be closed, and then the whole system just went out. And they were like, what's going on in there, Frankie? I was like, sorry. Sorry. Wolfie, ever experienced that? Three minutes of dead air? That ever happened, Frankie? I was like, sorry, sorry. Wolfie ever experienced that? Three minutes of dead air?

No, I've never had it. I don't ever have silence. You'll punch someone if there is. Even sleeping, I sleep too. Just screaming in your sleep. I can fully imagine it. I had nine terrors in the game for the whole eight hours. Eyes closed.

Why do you hate me? Why doesn't anyone love me Wolfie's one of the best comics he's gone around everywhere he's always popping up in Sydney and Melbourne Perth especially

the home of comedy yep we'll be there I don't really have anything to plug go along to a lot of the shows over here what about your podcast don't you have a podcast

oh sure thing you can have a listen it comes out that studio that you rent yeah actually fuck we've got a studio we'd better get some more eps out listen to the sure thing we You can have a listen. It comes out. That studio that you rent. Yeah, actually, fuck, we've got a studio. We'd better get some more eps out. Listen to the sure thing.

We're coming back strong, baby. And it is like a stockbroking sort of thing. No, it's actually just rambling jokes and screaming into the abyss. It's a lot of fun. Yeah, it crosses a lot of lines. We actually copyrighted all of that. Oh, really? You'd better change it back.

Yeah, so listen to that. But I reckon go along and watch some of the shows. Definitely go and watch Comedy Zone. It's a great line. I don't know when this is out, but if we put this out, it's still then. Oh, yeah. I'll be in Sydney once this is finished anyway for two weeks.

Great. Yeah, so I'll do stuff there. Check Frankie out. Check Wolfie out. Thanks. Yeah, see you. Go on. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time

See you mates And They've done it again Them's done it again That's Tommy and Carl Good on them Finally This is almost like an episode

From the archives We did this early In the comedy festival just going you know what Yep. Yeah, this is almost like an episode from the archives. We did this early in the Comedy Festival, just going, you know what? I reckon this is a month ago. Yeah. When there are people in town, let's grit our teeth. Let's bang out some midweek podcasts. Yep.

Let's make sure we can have a couple of weeks off after at the end of it. Yep. And then still have to come in and do this. Yes. Yeah. This was a rare one for us, though, because it was like right at the start of it. Yep. And so this is... And then still have to come in and do this. Yes. Yeah. This was a rare one for us though because it was like right at the start of the comedy festival. So it wasn't as much of a gritting teeth as like when you're doing something on the final Sunday.

Yeah, yeah. This was like, oh, it's just kicked off. Everyone's in a good mood. Yeah. And also, you know, you're kind of thinking like midweek, oh, we want to save our content for the weekend or we can just wind up Andrew Wolfe

and let him fucking go. Well, yeah, this is one of those ones that happens in like the Bermuda Triangle. It's like time doesn't count, content doesn't count. It's bonus time. Yeah, always good to catch up with Wolfie. Yes. Wolfie was in town for a couple of days

to do some shows in the comedy festival and we thought we'd nab him just before he fucked off. Yep. Before his voice completely went from just non-stop talking to fucking everyone around him. Yep. Yeah.

My dog hated him when he turned up. Oh, really? Which is pretty rare. Yeah. Really? And yeah, Frankie on the show for the first time. Yes. Good to get her in.

Yes. We talked about her a little while ago when you introduced me on stage in Perth as being the new face of Chicken Treat. Yes. And for about 48 hours she thought that was real.

Yes. Yeah, Chicken... I've still never had Chicken Treat. I had it at the airport after this last time we were there. Really?

For breakfast? Yeah. I didn't know that. It was terrible. Oh, really? Yeah. That's a shame. Yeah.

God damn. Yeah, I've always heard about it. And it's one of those, you know, one of those things that the more you hear about it and you haven't had it, the more it sounds amazing. And for the amount that you hear about it as like a Perth, you know, regional curiosity, you actually never really see them around. Yes. Certainly not like in the bits of this, like when we go over and we're doing shows like sort of fairly inner city. There's none of them.

They're all like pretty suburban, I think. Yeah. So they're pretty easy to miss. I love going to Perth. You know what? We better start thinking about when we go to Perth again. It's going to roll around quick. It's fucking, you know, it's May when this comes out.

We've got live shows coming up. Obviously, we've talked about that. Brisbane, very, very soon. That's on May the 18th. We've got the Coastal Moo Going Away Party. Then we've got the Coastal Moo International Podcast Festival. That's in mid-June. We might have another little capital city being confirmed very soon,

but Perth we should get onto, Tommy. It's still like on a – I mean, you know, you were always in the past like you hate Perth, but you officially have come around, haven't you? I don't mind it. It's all right. Okay, well, that's coming around for you. Yeah, yeah. For you going on the record and saying, I hate Perth,

saying you don't mind it, that's a big jump. Yeah it's fine it's fine yeah yeah wow that's a big upgrade well i don't know i mean yeah i don't know i i it's not i don't mind going there on a on like a holiday it's good weather but anywhere to do this is like yeah we're we're going and doing the shows. You know what I mean? I don't feel one way or the other about. Okay. Yeah, I do. I, I,

all these cities I love because it's like, you get to go into a show and you get the best of it. You get a few beers, you get something fun to eat. You get a nice hotel. Yeah. It's like, I do like being in a hotel.

Yeah. Being in a hotel is fucking great. Yeah. Have you said that now that hotels are the next couple of shows we're going to be doing sort of it's going to be in and out we don't even get the hotel that's a bit of a shame yeah but that's also very fun to fly into a city do a show and then fly out and be in your own bed by the end of the day it's sort of yeah pretty jet set lifestyle yeah that's pretty cool actually um and i have to fuck around with um early morning being hungover and trying to get in a fucking Uber to the airport.

Yeah, that's annoying. That's very annoying. That does take the sting out when you've got, yeah, you get there and you're like, why did I book this fucking flight home? Yeah. I may as well have just, yeah, raced back. I saved $20 by getting this 7am flight instead of the 2pm flight. Bad decision. Yeah.

But anyway, lots of that stuff. We had such a great run of live shows in Melbourne. What a fucking goddamn pleasure to have you guys come out and you were great crowds and really into it. And I think we brought the thunder, so we had a nice little symbiotic relationship. Long may it continue. But also, another great relationship

is the relationship between us and the well-heeled listeners of this show. People willing to put their hands in their fucking pockets and pay what this thing is worth. And that is whatever you want to give to us. So thank you to everyone who gets onto patreon.com slash little dum-dum club that facilitates, that'sum club that facilitates.

That's the website that facilitates all of this happening. And we have lots and lots of people that do that, including a little sampler of the sort of people that do that. We're going to mention them right now, Tommy. Thanks to the wonderful people at the UTA, the Unplanned Title Alternator. They're going to spew out some random names at us. I haven't insisted on this for quite a while, but this is not rigged. This is completely random. Oh, yeah.

You never know who you're going to hear. Whoa. Yeah. It's crazy. It's pretty exciting. Yeah. Every week. Even you don't know.

Yeah, even I don't know. Wow. It's exciting to walk in here thinking, I wonder what names I'm going to read out. And I have absolutely no idea, Tommy. It's like, oh, God. Jeez. It must be like bungee jumping or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just jumping off. It's like you're on Thank God You're Here. Yes. Anything could happen. Yes. And you haven't been worded up or anything.

No, no, no. You're just about to get the costume popped on your head you're like oh what's this you haven't seen people walking down the hallways at channel 10 like already in costume

and thinking and going oh well okay I guess it's the it's medieval I guess it was yeah yeah I guess I'm in a cave today

yeah nothing like that alright thank you very much to Patreon subscriber first cap off the rank this week, Dave Rogers. A nice little line and length to start with. Yeah. You know what?

I reckon there's more Daves in comedy than there are that listen to comedy. I don't think we read out Dave that much for a very common name. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting hypothesis. Yes. Thank you. I don't know how we would go a very common name. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting hypothesis. Yes, thank you. I don't know how we would go about proving this one. Yes.

Feels like that was always a bit of a cliche. There's so many Daves in comedy. There hasn't been a new Dave for a long time. I know that a lot of the old Daves, they're still going. But there hasn't been a new Dave come along in quite some time. So I feel like that argument is sort of losing a little bit of momentum. What's the new Dave? I feel like there's a lot of Toms around.

There is. I've got to say. Yeah, there is. It's creeping in there, I reckon. There really is. Yeah, how does it feel being the new Dave? Not good. Yeah.

There's not... Yeah, but there's not that many Tommies. No. A lot of Toms. Yeah. Not so many... Is there another Tommy? Tommy Dean in Sydney. Tommy Little. Tommy Little tommy little oh yeah yeah the biggest one tommy dean yeah yeah yeah tommy little tommy dean tommy

little tommy tiernan oh yeah if you want to go international yeah um yeah tommy bahama makes those funny shirts oh yeah he's a comedian that's funny yeah yeah. He's a comedian. That's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point. Yep. Tommy Boy. Tommy Boy. Yeah. The film. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a comedy. Yeah. I've seen that film, Get Up. That man. I've seen that man at the cinema. I've seen that film, Get Up and Do a Tight Five. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. Yeah, but Dave.

Dave's been left behind. Actually, isn't there that many Tommy listeners at this show? I don't think there is. Now, that's a good question. Yeah. Do we have more Daves or Tommies? Yeah. We need all of you to weigh in.

I'm going to go back through the Patreon subscribers. There is, fucking hell, there is not that many. Of what? Tommy's? Do you know Would you like to know How many legit Fucking

Patreon subscribers We've had With their first name Tommy Would you like to know? Two One Nice One

And is it a fake name? No Is it like Tommy You know Last name last name, please suck me off? There's a few of them. Okay. Right, right, right. But no, that's why I said legit. There's a few there that I would question.

Okay, the validity. Yeah, sure. Slightly questionable names. Yep. Like one-fifth of this whole fucking show. But yeah, no, there's one legit. Okay. Yeah. Wow. Isn legit. Okay. Yeah.

Wow. Isn't that weird? Yeah. If there's more Tommies out there that listen to this show, put your hand in your fucking pocket. Is it just that you don't listen or is it that you don't subscribe? Yeah, and do you not subscribe

because you feel weird about someone hosting the show who's got the same name as you. Yeah. I can understand that. There is, because let's have a look at the cars. I feel like there's definitely more. One. Two.

That's it. Wow. Well, that's something. Double the number of cars. Double. But I can understand. I would never go see a Tommy Little stand-up show because I'd be like,

what, I'm going to go sit in a room and watch a guy with the same name as me up there? That's absurd. I'm not doing that. Yeah, that's fair. I would never. How narcissistic can you get? Why would I pay to see a Tommy

when I get Tommies for free at home? I can just look in the mirror and see that. I can talk to myself and get it for free. Yeah, that, when I get Tommy for free at home. I can just look in the mirror and see that. I can talk to myself and get it for free. Yeah, that is crazy. Yeah, it's like working at the milk factory and then going home and paying for milk. Yeah, if you've ever interacted with anything or anyone that's got the same name as you, you've got your head up your ass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've paid for it. Yeah. It's like you've earned too much money. up your ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you've paid for it. Yeah. It's like you've got, you earn too much money. You're vain. Yeah. You're arrogant. Yeah, Dave.

Well, Dave. Dave Rogers, I'd love to know if you've ever paid to see a Dave do comedy. I wonder if he skips out on episodes with O'Neill and Husey and Thornow, you know. Has he ever been to see UMI? Or has he thought, why am I paying for someone with the last name Rogers when I could just be home singing in the shower, doing a bit of purple sneakers as I'm wiping one out? Yep. Is he a fan of Bowie?

Oh, yeah. Because of David? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. Or you think it's got to be Dave? No, no.

That's fine. That's fine. I'm fine to accept that. Let us know. Let us know what forms of Dave media you do and do not interact with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who you're proud of, who you're not. Well, thanks, Dave Rogers.

Thanks, Dave Rogers. Thanks. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Lisa Longley. Finally, finally, the fairest sex is represented on this Patreon read this week. Finally. The sister of a basketball player. Yes. Look, it can't be too far off.

There can't be too many longleys out there. By the way, I was going to say, Dave Rogers, I think, is the name of the guy who was the head of Challenge, an organisation that does a lot of work for kids with cancer when I was in the mix. They organise camps and stuff like that. Back before you quit. Back before I quit.

And I was thinking about this the other day. They would put out a newsletter magazine once every couple of months and Mark Knight would do a little cartoon. Herald Sun cartoonist. Herald Sun cartoonist. Herald Sun cartoonist. Editorial cartoonist. Quite right wing.

Put up some pretty dodgy cartoons in the last few years. Really sort of gone a bit off the deep end. And people are a bit like, this prick. He's eerie. He's having a fucking, he's like pro JK Rowling and all this kind of stuff. But in my head, I'm like, yeah, but he did cartoons for the Cancer magazine. Yeah. I find it hard to get too on board

with the negative sentiment towards him because I'm like, nah, he's all right by me. Yeah, I think, yeah, he's a guy, he did the editorial cartoon for fucking 30 years in the Herald Sun, something that, back when I used to read newspapers and whatever,

it's like, oh, you could always look at that and go whatever. But I mean, it must be hard to not be, to not go that line when you're working for a very right-wing newspaper. Yeah, of course. I don't think he's that right-wing, but I think he's just like, oh, I have to go with the flow at some point.

He's a schizorrhea, and you've got to... But also just a bit of a dumb guy, maybe. Well, and you're drawing a cartoon, so there's got to be something. This is kind of what I was thinking about in terms of music criticism. When that Beyonce album came out recently, it's kind of a hard job because you can't just write an article going, she's done it again. That's boring. That's not going to get clicks. So much of a lot of criticism is like, I have to take a deliberately contrarian stance you know and be like here's why

this beyonce album is worse than the fucking peppa pig album that came out or what you know what i mean like everything has to be like a clickbait point of view entertainment rather than a fair review right and like newspaper editorial cartoon is like kind of the same thing where it's like not necessarily that this is how i see the world and think this is what happened. But this will make a funny little cartoon that will get people talking. You know what I mean? Well, like comedy, you've got to say something to get a bit of a reaction. Yeah, you've got to be provocative in some way. You've got to sometimes say, this sucks.

And it's like, oh, I actually think it's okay, but I was trying to make you laugh. Yeah. This sucks, and this person has big ears, so therefore that's a great cartoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah's a great cartoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Someone doing something prominent, and they've got like a big old schnoz.

Yeah. Oh, get the fucking parchment and quill out. There's a very bad review of the latest Rolling Stones album on Pitchfork, and it's like, I know everyone talks about Pitchfork, that site, like they're so snobby and all that sort of stuff. It's such a bad review of that album. And it's actually a good album. But it's like so, it's just, yeah, it's exactly that.

It's so dumb. It's like, oh, the sort of person that listens to this is a fucking 60-year-old man that's in midlife crisis and he's driving a convertible and all this sort of stuff. I was like, this sucks. This sucks as a review. Yeah, yeah that's kind of the opposite that's like the inverse of what i'm talking about where like that is the boring opinion that is the like that is the thing where you just go this beyonce album's great because it's like just dunking on the rolling stones now in 2024 and going like this is old man music it's like yeah that's easy you know

what i mean that's like that's probably what the man on the street thinks so it's more interesting to go like this is the fucking the contrarian stance would be this is the best album that any band has recorded in the last 20 years yeah yeah it's well i think it's almost contrarian because it's legit a good album that it's got decent reviews from everyone else? Yeah. Because it's actually good. Like, I really like Rolling Stones, but the last bunch of albums they made kind of sucked.

Yeah. And then this one is actually a good one where it's like, I cannot believe this is good. Yeah. Because these people are 80 years old. Who makes good work in their 80s? Yeah, definitely. This is insane.

I've been listening a lot to the new Black Keys album that I really like, and they put a video on their Instagram kind of going through all the reviews it's gotten, and it's kind of done like it's an old TV ad, and it's like Mojo Magazine says it's a stunning return to form, and it's like the two guys in the band being like, yeah! And then the next one is like Uncutcut Magazine says, this band used to try and now they just sound like crap. And then it's like a picture of the record

on the ground and just piss streaming onto it. And they just keep going like one for one with like good review, bad review. And then it would just be like the record just being covered in piss and then cut into the two guys in the band like, aww.

And I was like, that's funny. That's good. Like that's, you know, getting a split of reviews and being like let's just lean in do we still get reviews on youtube on not youtube on on um itunes i think so yeah i think you can still do that you can do them on i think more people tend to do them on spotify spotify has their own like review section okay and what spotify does which I think is fucking revolutionary, you can't review something unless you've listened to like three eps minimum of it or something it has to be. You can't just get on and be like,

I don't know these guys, but fuck them. You know, zero stars. You have to actually have engaged with the product in order to leave a review. What a novel idea. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Do you know what I... what i man hey so look lisa longley we haven't really talked much about your name but this this this is all inspired by you and we will get back to you because you know tommy did say that your name last name was that of a basketball so that was that's

something that's something um he's also lisa Lisa Longley is pretty cool with the two L's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But review-wise, this is literally something I did a couple of weeks ago, which I find very funny. Someone came in to Basement Comedy Club, and I'm doing the door, and I'm checking names off and whatever, and these people couldn't fucking find the right door to get in. Out of 150 people, they came in the back door

and they literally had to get, move like fucking stored things out of the way. Yeah. There's no lights in the back entrance. There's a fucking velvet rope guarding off the back entrance saying, you know, don't come in. They've jumped over the top of that. They've come down.

The back end is like full of chairs that haven't been used and, you know, fucking coffee urns or whatever the fuck it is. They've fought their way through that in the dark, then opened this curtain and just come in and gone, okay. And I've gone, I've naturally gone, guys, are you lost? What's going on? Are you trying to sneak in? And they're like, no, I've naturally gone, guys, are you, are you, are you lost? What's going on? Are you trying to sneak in or what? And they're like, no, we've got tickets. I'm like, how did you, how did you find, how did you not find the front entrance? Like, how did you find your way through the fucking shrubs at the back and then get in

there? And they're like, I don't know. And I was just like, oh, I don't know. Oh. And then, and then they go, I go, i go fuck okay and i've had to sort of get through 150 people to like through the bar and whatever to sort of sort them out i'm trying to deal with people at the front end and i'm having to deal with these people at the back end i'm like just come over here guys and i'll sort it out i'll tick your name off and then i said what's

your surname so i can tick you off and they say and i won't dox them they say a name that in popular culture in entertainment in comedy even is the name of a person that is seen as quite dumb right okay yeah and so i go so i see that name and i'm like and i'm just exasperated and i said what's the name and they go this name and i just sort of go well i guess that explains it doesn't it i don't think what the name could be well i'll tell you after and i'll yeah and you'll see why i'm not going to say the name yep i go i can't i just sort of laugh and go i guess that explains it and they just look at me and go, oh. And they go and sit down. And after the gig, I find out that as soon as they sit down, because I've had that interaction with them,

they've immediately gone on to Basement Comedy Club and given it one star. And I've seen the name. Yeah, great. Yeah. So as they've sat down, before they've even seen the show, they've gone, right, one star. And so then I've looked up this person and gone, oh, they have a business on Google Businesses, do they?

Okay. Okay. Well, it looks like a certain someone is about to get their first review. Okay. Which is one star. Yep. And then, so that's happened. And a day later, the husband of this person has then gone back to double up and go one star as well.

Nice. So we're just doing a and go one star as well. Nice. So we're just doing a bit of one star tag at the moment. Yeah, and then you've got another account that you're leaving another one star. Well, then I went, you know what? I can fucking up this game for sure. And I even thought about putting it out to Dum Dum, but I thought, no, these guys would go fucking crazy. I better not do it yeah that's then

you get in trouble yeah yeah yeah um well guys uh head on out there and check out Rihanna Tards

dry cleaning yeah yeah yeah Dr. Gary fucking idiot MD if you want to leave a

leave a one star review for him One star I went in with a Little car up my ass And when I left I had even more stuff up there Yeah One star

Yeah well it's funny Yeah Yeah there's a There's a medical It's a It's something medical It's medical as well I'm like you should fucking know better than this

Yeah interesting Yeah yeah And I did think about, I just did the one star, I thought about putting a, putting a, like a little, a blurb.

Easter egg. Yeah. Yep. Little blurb. Yeah, I went in there with a broken toe and they gave me a full lobotomy.

Mm-hmm. One star. Duh. I've got very few reviews that I've left on Google. Obviously, the Hoi An Blue Eye Tailor in Vietnam,

the lemon suit that I left on there. I left a good review of the bar at the Hobart Airport because they were closing up when we were coming back once. We were flying at night and our flight got delayed. We were there for like an hour and a half waiting for this flight. And the bar were just like, all right, I guess we're not going home. We'll just keep serving people beers.

And I was like, you know what? That's fucking great. Good for them. They were like literally about to lock up and then they just kind of surveyed the scene. And the situation was the airline going, we need someone to volunteer to get off this flight and we'll put you on a replacement at 5 a.m. tomorrow. Who's keen? And everyone goes, no thanks. And they go, well, we can't take off until someone

volunteers so then we're just in this fucking standoff with the airline and so the bar are just like all right well like me and my friends are like let's just get hammered let's just sit here and get fuck-eyed while we wait to see how this pans out yeah because like who's gonna and then someone was like oh will you um do we get any like um reimbursement for like getting the the cabs like back to and from the airport that we've now got to do another time as well yeah and they were like no and people were like well you could not be making this less attractive of an offer like who's gonna do this yeah it's like 11 p.m by this point it's like yeah you got to be up at like 4 a.m it's like well no one wants point and it's like yeah you gotta be up at like 4am it's like well no one wants

to fucking do that god so how did it end I think someone just did crack the shits and like ended up

going like fine and like left but then we got on the plane and there were like 6 or 7 empty seats I don't know what was going on

I really don't know what was going on fucking hell I don't know if I talked about this at the time, but then we were walking up onto the plane, and my friend, through the window of the cockpit, saw the pilot just going, just like rubbing his face,

and it's like, God, you never want to see that. This guy's lost the will to live right before he flies home. I feel tired. Cool. I'm over it. Yeah. Yuck. Yeah, man.

But yeah, of course, there's more negative. It's such a big effort to make a positive review. Like you're going, yeah, I went really out of my way to do a good review. But that's what I always think. Like you only ever do it. You only ever get on it when it's like, oh, this place fucked me. And then it's like, if I'm traveling, I look at reviews. I go like, what's got a good rating? Yeah. So I should put more positivity. I shouldn't just get on there when it's like this place fucked me. And then it's like, if I'm traveling, I look at reviews. I go like, what's got a good rating?

Yeah. So I should put more positivity. I shouldn't just get on there when it's like, this place sucks. I did that. I tried to do that for a long time with TripAdvisor. But then I sort of, yeah, you get sick of it or whatever. But like, yeah, look, we just finished Comedy Festival, Basement Comedy Club.

It gets to the end of the festival. I remember like we got like three reviews we got three good reviews or something. It was just people putting four stars or five stars or whatever. And then out of all the... Say there was four reviews for the whole festival. One of them... And I did the numbers. 25,000 people went to comedy in that venue over that month.

Four reviews, three of them positive, one of them saying they said there was a happy hour, but there wasn't. One star. Fuck you. Yeah, God. Yeah, fuck, that's grim. Yeah, anyway. You know what I found out?

I don't know if you've ever heard this, but when I was in Japan, my friend was telling me that someone had told him if you're looking for somewhere to eat in another country, Japan, I mean, he was saying, like, in Tokyo, and you want to find somewhere that's, like, good and kind of authentic, anywhere that's four stars and above, that's not going to be that good because the people that are getting on and leaving those reviews,

that's tourists. Like, that's not going to be, like, the authentic. If you want the, like, good places that's tourists like that's not going to be like the authentic if you want the like good places that just like locals go you look your sweet spot is like 3.5 which generally speaking you would see that and be like i mean that's fine but that's not worth rushing to right but anywhere that's got the like the most glowing reviews it's like yeah yeah tourists have left that review and it's probably fine, but it's not the most down-to-earth local cuisine. And I'd never thought of that, but it's definitely stuck in my head as a little travel cheat.

Yeah. Well, look, I've sort of learned that lately. I think TripAdvisor used to be a little bit better with all that sort of stuff, but lately I would look at it and it would say like, oh, the number one place in this um foreign city is fucking Starbucks and you go okay yeah yeah yeah exactly that kind of thing yeah right yeah yeah that's tourists getting something that they wanted from home because yeah I mean who leaves reviews like

that you're not going to really have like yeah in your own city you never go you never really think to go great cafe yeah when you're abroad you're more likely to go have like, yeah, in your own city, you never go, you never really think to go, great cafe. When you're abroad, you're more likely to go, I've got to let other wanderlusters like me know that this Starbucks has free internet and the toilets are really clean. Totally. Well, Lisa Longley,

I hope you agree with everything we said then. I hope we represented you well because all of those opinions, you know, when you say, those opinions are not reflective of my employer or whatever. They're reflective of you now. You think that.

Yeah. And sure, we didn't talk specifically about your name enough, but we did talk for fucking ages. Yeah. So that counts for something. That's something.

There was a lot of content there. Some of it was, I think, you know, entertaining. And that was thanks to you. Yep. And look,

and if you, Lisa Longley, hit me up and asked me who this person was that gave a bad review and that I revenge bad reviewed back, I'm happy to tell you the name of that person. Oh, yeah, great. And you could go and fight for me as well. That's a good tier.

We'll read your name out with a redacted name and then you get the name. You get the name DM to you afterwards this it would be a good tier where it was like you know we had we we famously have got a tier where you know you get all these stuff and whatever and then there's just an obscene tier where it's like you get to fuck both of us and then the bet the tier over the top of that more expensive tier than that is you get to fuck one of us yes um there should be a tier where you get to know all the deep dark secrets yeah everything that we've ever

not mentioned or cut out of the show you get it all because this is like you know we'll talk about something and you know that relates to someone specific and we leave their name out yeah or we change a detail yeah for very obvious reasons. And then inevitably, like immediately, like that day, someone on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook, so who was that about? And it's like, well, obviously we've left that out for a reason. We're just going to give it up to some stranger within an hour of the ep going out.

Yeah, yeah. You know, you get this tier, you come around, you find out my daughter's name. Yep. You find out my wife's name. You you find out my daughter's name. Yep. You find out my wife's name. Yep. You find out Tommy's fiance's name. Yep.

Oh, no, you said that. I've said her name before. I don't care. Okay. Yeah, all the questions that you DM us and we say sorry, you get to find out everything. Yep. The cave of secrets. Yep.

That would be cool. I go reverse. I, men in Black, neuralise you and make you forget Lauren's name. That would be good if I give out all the secrets and then you, Men in Black, everyone knows all these secrets except me. Oh yeah, that's good.

That would be good. Yeah, that's really good. Fuck, that's a good movie. The podcast host, he's done it for 20 years and he gets amnesia, and then he has to piece his life together through the listeners. That's actually great. Through listening to his own podcast. He has to get through 20 years of his own podcast

to find out what's going on. But is that an interesting movie? Because the movie is just him sitting in a room listening to audio. It's a good movie, but it is a good idea. Because then on top of that, then it's like, oh yeah, oh yeah but this podcast really successful and we need to keep up the podcast but you can't be on the podcast if you don't know all the in jokes and all the stuff that's happened to you in the last 20 years yeah so you need to sit here and listen to this podcast non-stop you need to listen to fucking 14 episodes a day to catch up yeah i like the idea just

thinking visually for the medium of film, something happens that erases the history of the podcast. So now he has to travel the country, going and meeting his biggest fans to piece his life back together so that he can reboot the podcast and start it again. Oh, right. Maybe the podcast gets deleted, so he has to... He gets amnesia.

Something happens wherein in the same event, he gets amnesia and the podcast gets deleted so he has to he gets amnesia something happens we're in in the same event he gets amnesia and the podcast gets deleted yeah it becomes b1 uh beacon rewind of podcasting yeah he has to recreate all these podcasts yeah exactly by traveling around meeting the fans so there's something like a giant magnet yep um over the server at itunes wipes the records, and then that magnet falls and hits him on the head. So he's forgotten his life. The podcast doesn't exist anymore. This, not even joking, legitimately a good movie. Part become unwind, part like yesterday.

Also, just a good episode to tell the story of the time a magnet fell on your head. There's a good story on top of everything else. He's thinking, this must be the best thing that's ever happened to me. This is in the trailer. This surely is the most interesting thing that's ever happened to me. And then it's like one of his big fans, he's wearing a t-shirt with his head on it.

He's like, brother, this is just the beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a tattoo. No, the fan's got a tattoo of him with an arrow up his ass and going, mate, this is just, this is the beginning.

Take me home, country roads. This November. Yeah, this is a fucking good film. Someone get us financing for this. Remember when Kevin Smith made that film

about the guy getting turned into a walrus or whatever? But the thing at the start of the film is that he hosts a podcast. Oh, yeah. and this film came out like 15 years ago it was like very kind of like early days of podcasting and it was i remember it really being like really is this a character in a film he does a podcast like surely this is like this is too rich you know what i mean it just felt like this this has been around for like six months and Yeah. And now it's like a character in a film.

Won't this date really badly? And then it's like so much of the rot that Lauren watches is like, you know, there'll be a plot on the fucking new sex in the city where it's like, oh, I'm dating this guy. He's doing a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's always like, look at this loser. And she'll just nudge me and be like, that's you. Yeah, yeah.

Get a load of this. Yeah. Well, thanks, Lisa Longley. There's a lot in there. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Andrew Zerr. Zerr? Zed you are. Okay.

Never heard anything like this in my life. Yeah. Zed you are. What do you think, if you're in the film, you're bonked on the head, you've got amnesia, you've got to travel to Andrew Zerr's house. That's house that's all he's got he's got no record of the show but he does have the list of names from patreon yeah

and addresses so you turn up to andrew zur's house what do you think he's what do you think he's filling you in about well that that would be good to have to recreate talking dum-dum um fucking all over again go back and do the yeah yeah try and do the same riffs but you I mean yeah you you being like that's now that's a good experiment we go back to the first time

we do Talking Dumb Dumb and we just do the same names again without knowing and then we do we play them side by side yeah to see yeah

no that's good yeah how similar are riffs how long have we been doing Talking Dumb Dumb for like five years maybe six years oh man at least That's good. Yeah. How similar are riffs? How long have we been doing Talking Dum Dum for? Like five years, maybe? Six years? Oh, man, at least.

I don't know. Yeah. It's got to be. It's got to be. Is there a way of timestamping when we ran into Will Anderson in the street? Oh, yeah. And he said... No, but we were doing names before that.

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. Andrew Zurt. I'm looking up Andrew Zurt. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. Andrew Zerr. I'm looking up Andrew Zerr. He's not in the Millionaire Club. He's not in the Little Dumb Dumb Club. By the way, if you subscribe to the show,

you can get in the Patreon-only Facebook group, Little Dumb Dumb Club, Millionaire Club. Or if you're a freeloader, you can come and join the people aware of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Not Patreon, just Facebook group. Or you can just be fans of the Little Dunham Club, not Patreon, just Facebook group, or you can just be fans of the social page on Facebook or on Instagram. We always put up lots of stuff.

If there's anything visual or video-wise that we have, we put all that shit up. Get a part of that, and you get to find out little bits and pieces we have coming up. Join the community. Like and subscribe. Especially because right now I'd be able to find out something about Andrew Zerr from being in this group, but he ain't in there.

Maybe he's one of these guys that doesn't have Facebook. Maybe Andrew Zerr's not even his name. Although there is a couple of Andrews. No, there's one Andrew Zerr that not even his name. Although there is a couple of Andrews. No, there's one Andrew Zerr that lives in Melbourne. Okay. Now, well, well, well. Okay. Right.

He's locked his profile, so we can't open it up. Oh, damn. But he's got a little intro that we can read. that we can read. Now, you tell me if he is a listener of this show. There's five nouns. Melbourne. Yep.

I think that's it. That's a big one. That's a yes. That's a big one. Yeah. Weightlifting. Not so much. Throwing you off the scent.

Educator. Even. Colder. Even colder. Colder. Okay. Here we go. Retro gamer.

Okay. We're back, baby. I'm back in. Yep. Nintendo. That's sort of the same thing as retro gaming, kind of. Yes. But also, it shows that he's open to new games as well. I think this is the guy.

Andrew Zuh. Andrew Zuh. Zuh, sorry. Z-U-R. This is the guy. A weightlifting teacher that's into Nintendo. Yeah. Yeah.

So this is the guy. A buff gamer. Yeah. A guy who's fucking crushed several fucking, what do you call them? I don't know. Controller? Yeah, that'll do. Joysticks?

Yep. Whatever they are. Yep. Whatever it is you people do. Yep. You people hold. Yeah, this is this guy. And he's got his little profile fucking thing.

His little pic? Yeah thing his little pic yeah his little pic nintendo headquarters oh really yeah yeah very nice i love that he's locked the page down but yeah we're still what do you mean by nintendo headquarters is that what it is i don't know there is that nintendo headquarters uh yeah it's a building with nintendo at the front of it there's i mean there's the office in ky that people often get photos with, but it's like, there's not even a sign on it. It's just a completely nondescript, big grey building. Why?

Why don't they have the logo out the front? I don't know. They don't want people, I guess it's like an era before like Google Maps and people being able to find it out and loiter out the front. Right. They want to remain kind of. Well, it didn't stop you, obviously. I've never done it.

Oh, you haven't done it? I've never got, it's like, I think it's a bit out of Kyoto. So I've never, and yeah, you can't do anything once you're there. So I've always just been like, ah. It's to stop people from rocking up and going, ringing the doorbell. Is Ms. Pac-Man there? Exactly. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's a shame. Well, this didn't stop this cunt if this is what it is i don't know what else could it be that photo it could be at one of the offices somewhere else it might be the one here out in beautiful scoresby oh maybe that's it i reckon that would be it maybe he works for nintendo maybe that's why that's in his thing oh maybe

andrew zir let us know but then yeah it's kind of interesting to just have like a photo of the car park of your work as your banner image on Facebook. He's really into it. Let us know if you know Parappa the Rapper, Andrew Zerr. Let us know. Yeah, I would love to know. And if you can give Tommy any discounts on whatever it is. Whatever it is you people do. There's a listener of Filthy Casuals who works at Nintendo

who's come to some of our live stuff, and he's always like, oh, brother, the stuff I'm playtesting right now. He's like a localization guy, so he gets sent stuff early. I think he's in some kind kind of like marketing-ish capacity right so it'll be like this is coming out in a few months so you got to get around it and work out like the best way to market it here in australia he's like you wait till you see what donkey kong's

doing next it is a bit of like he's like oh stuff that's either just been announced or hasn't been announced yet and he'll be like oh man it's good stuff the fucking i'm hating this the proton pills that pac-man is gonna eat next month yeah a fucking crazy yep um well andrews if you're if you're in that world uh let tommy know but do not let me know you i was gonna say nerd but he's a weightlifter so you person that i don't share interests with. Thanks, Andrew. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Jesse Galbraith. Ooh.

J-E-S-S-I. Ooh. I like it. Okay. Mmm. And I looked up. I thought, I looked up. I looked on the ETA, Galbraith.

We have had one other Galbraith. So are you related to that other famous Galbraith that has subscribed to us in the past part of the famous Patreon signing up to family I went to school with a Galbraith

never even heard of it this is one of them yeah I wonder if we're about to do the same you said that last time we had a Galbraith on the on the read probably

yeah what did you think about the Galbraith that you went to school with? Any remarkable little... Don't really remember anything of note. Really? Just the name? Just the name. Just the name.

Yeah. I do remember thinking one day someone from this guy's family is going to give me money. Yeah. I just knew deep down. Yeah. Yeah. Do we want to hear from a friend of the show right now? No. No. No. Okay. We're at work. Someone's ringing. Yeah. Yeah. Do we want to hear from a friend of the show right now? No.

No. Okay. We're at work. Someone's ringing. Someone's ringing. They might spice this thing up. Let's, let's,

let's, let's hear. We're working. Let's hear. Don't answer your phone. Are you in Thailand? No, I'm,

I'm recording an episode of Talking Dumb Dumb with Tommy Daslow. Oh, I thought you were in Thailand. That's why I rang your mobile, your messenger one. No, no, no. Hang on, should I be...

I'm pointing the wrong bit of the phone. No, you're at the right bit. I'm at the right bit. Okay, that's good. Am I on Talking Dumb Dumb? Yes, you are. Brett Blake. Hell yeah, baby.

I made it. Woo! Yeah. What are you doing? Where are you? I'll ring you later. I'm in Dubba. I'm just driving.

I'm bored as fuck. Give us a call later. Okay, I will. All right. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Good stuff.

There you go. That's Brett Blake on the road. Yeah. That's something. Well, thanks, Galbraith. Thanks, Jesse Galbraith. Thanks, Jesse Galbraith. Yep.

And thank you very much. One more. Let's do one more this week, and then let's go. I am pretty keen. I did a quick little run before you came over. I got the time wrong. I thought I'd be able to have a nice little warm shower, get ready for you, and then that did not happen.

Oh, you've been sitting there marinating, stewing. My little cold sweat. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber oh this is wow okay well it looks like it's 2-2 thank you very much

to Patreon subscriber Tommy Comedy oh my god yes wow wow wow okay yeah

finally another Tommy yeah subscribes to this show and I think this this one's got to be worth like five yeah I mean this is from before.

Yeah. When we talked about... Pretty good. Pretty good stuff. Someone messaged us to say they... Or not messaged us, posted on Facebook that they listened to you on the phone hacks like a while ago. And you drop a from before. It's like, yeah, it's been in our orbit for a little while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been a fan. It's only recently. Yeah. And I feel like we talked about from before before yes and it didn't quite take in the same way and i gotta be honest this time around i wasn't sensing a lot of enthusiasm for it either no people love it from before i think people have gotten there but it definitely felt like like the week after it did take a while to catch oh yeah

maybe i don't know i someone sent us a video where they go, oh, there's a From Before this video. Oh, yeah, so that too. And it's like not, yeah. It's not really that. But worst of all, he sent it and goes, watch this video. And they do a From Before. And it's a little bit out of context. But the worst thing was it was a Dungeons and Dragons podcast.

Video podcast. Yeah. And it made me watch it for like two minutes to get the reference I'm like you motherfucking cunt I watch these fucking nerds dressed up

for a podcast as fucking fucking trolls and stuff I hated it if they had of dropped it as like an actual

oh they listen to this and they're doing that's funny but it's not at all it's literally just someone using those words in a completely different context.

I get it, but they couldn't have picked a worse bit of content to make me watch. I fucking despised it. Oh, my God. All right, well, thanks, everyone. Thanks, Tommy Comedy. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. Get your tickets to Brisbane.

Get your tickets to the Going Away show in Melbourne. And we'll see you next time. See you, mate.