The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 715 - Live! Harley Breen, Danielle Walker, Brett Blake, Cameron James & Abhishek Mishra

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

We're back for another live show from the Koh Samui International Podcast Festival! We've got HARLEY BREEN, DANIELLE WALKER, BRETT BLAKE and CAMERON JAMES (for a little bit). We've had a very wholesome day playing Soccer Golf, our Youtube mate has used his drone to capture some dodgy footage, Harley's had a massage, Brett's done karaoke, Karl's been investigated by Consumer Affairs and Abishek's found a way to evolve the Sperm Bank routine! PLUS a live Talkin' Dum Dum recorded immediately after, where we discover just how hard our audience have been hitting the edibles... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Koh Samui with guests Cameron James, Daniel Walker, Harley Breen and Brett Blake. If you enjoy this, you can get onto our Patreon, patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club. We've got two bonus episodes, video episodes recorded in the pool over in Koh Samui. We've also got a heap of more audio content recorded over here and video documentary stuff coming down the pipeline, heaps of extra Koh Samui content. For you to enjoy, patreon.com slash littledumbdumbclub is where you can go to get that. We're also in Sydney, Saturday, July 20th. Get your tickets to that, littledumbdumbclub.com.

Following the episode, there is a live Talkin' D Dumb, also recorded in Koh Samui. So enjoy. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dass. I'm with me as always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler! Yes! Tonight! Tonight!

Dum-dum club, 7pm. Come watch fuckheads hang shit on their friends. Tonight! Tonight! Hang on, shut up. Can anyone hear that music? club 7pm come watch fuckheads hang shit on their friends tonight hang on shut up can anyone hear that music I figured

out what it was it's just an echo and I thought that was music this is like this is

good but look let's be honest this is a slightly different vibe to last night. Last night you cunts were like, we're here, the show's on, fuck yeah, and tonight we're interrupting your holiday. And to be fair, you're doing the same to us. And we had initially said that tonight was going to be the stand-up show,

and then at the last minute we said, oh, it's going to be a live podcast, so a lot of people sitting here are like, oh, we were planning to have the night off and now the thing that we like is on. There is empty seats here now. Yeah, the word didn't get around. Yeah, it is. We're being, you might have noticed we've got cameras and stuff around.

We brought my friend Sammy who's called Gone Adrift on YouTube. He's one of my favourite YouTubers. Give him a follow. my friend Sammy who's called Gone Adrift on YouTube, he's one of my favourite YouTubers, give him a follow and so he doesn't know anything about this show or anything, so he was here watching and filming last night, today we were telling him

the schedule in the next couple of days and we were like so tonight we're doing a normal one, tomorrow we'll do a different one and he just went was last night what you would call a normal one? was last night what you would call a normal one? Yeah, pretty much textbook us. It all went according to script. Yeah.

That was a pretty safe and clean one, really, by all standards. What else we got? Well, we went and played soccer golf today yeah yeah that was very exciting and we had sammy our youtuber there uh with us well yeah sammy's been following us around filming stuff we talked a bit uh last night last episode about going to pig island yes and he was there and you know he's got his whole kid his whole suite of filming things and i was there um with with one of my friends who's here on the trip with us and we, one of the most rank dunnies I've ever seen in my life on Pig Island.

Oh, really? At Pig Island. Wow, you'd think a name like Pig Island, they'd have better facilities. And so my friend was like... I shan't be visiting Pig Island again. My friend was like, I don't want to go and use that disgusting toilet. I'm going to go take a wee in the ocean. Oh, yes.

And so she went out into the ocean, but it's so shallow. So she's walking for ages and we're just watching her and then finally she gets far enough that she just has to sit down. And then as she finally commits to that, fucking Sammy's drone comes. So that's going to be some beautiful footage. What's the opposite of upskirting? Yeah. Downskirting.

Yeah, I mean, I'm only ever using my shoe camera for that kind of stuff. So I was like, finally a different angle. And so then today he came to soccer golf with us. And at the start of the day, he's filming some stuff out the front. And we're getting pumped up to play soccer golf. And you're doing a lot of, here he is, Tommy Daslow, the great sportsman. Yeah, he loves sports.

And then we get in there. That's good cheer. First hole, you have an absolute mare i i land this like just incredible shot that like kind of bounces off and curls back around the most the only the only like good bit of sporting i've ever done in my entire life and i'm like fucking vindicated this is gonna look so good on camera I turn around. Sammy's got his back to me polishing the lens. Like, you've paid this cunt off, you motherfucker. The only good thing I've ever done in a sport

and there's no evidence of it. Fuck. You did all right. I was giving you a little coaching. You were, yeah. You were my chubs out there. It's all in the hips. No, that was a good thing because we had a little caddy to start with

and we had to say, they're like, what's your name? And we're like, ha-ha, let's give a fake name. So then this lady had to call me Mr Comedy the whole time. And so she was like going, next up, comedy. And then, yeah, at one point you were like, I'm not taking the shot until you say, let's go comedy. And she's like, what? And you're like, say it.

Say, let's go comedy. And she goes, let's go comedy. And so, yeah, my fiancée didn't come with us. She stayed back here and so I linked up with her later this afternoon and she was like, I had the nicest day. I got a massage. I got my nails done. What did you and the boys do?

I'm like, we told each other repeatedly that we were going to suck each other off for two and a half. So it really was the most boys and girls day. It was like our caddy was around and you were going, so what happens if I kick this out of bands and I have to suck everyone off? Is that what... I don't know golf rules.

I don't know. It really was. You could tell I've spent five days around the girlies because it was just like a fucking fire hydrant. I'm like, you're gay. You're gay. I'll fuck you in the ass. You'll fuck me in the ass.

I mean, I do the same stuff with them, but it just doesn't play as well. It's more of a threat instead of being funny. It's just proof that girls aren't funny, you know. Thank God we're in a country that woke culture hasn't gotten to yet. It is funny. I have been saying, like, on the way over, like, we're coming and people have been saying On the way over We're coming And people have been saying Oh you're going to Thailand

Oh ladyboys Ladyboys Oh another one Ladyboys I'm like cunt Have you been to Fitzroy lately? Jesus Christ Yeah

We're all doing it It's all fine Okay The shows over here are exhausting no but it is like it is like you know you guys are begrudgingly coming in tonight we were like halfway onto a real big one today and we're like oh fuck we have to do our fucking job yeah oh anyway Let's get it over with, so... Let's get it over with so we can do Talkin' Dumb Dumb, the thing you guys really want to see.

Let's get our mates up here and talk to them and get that over with so then we can go over there and talk to our mates. Yeah. So we were talking about this. We recorded a Talkin' Dumb Dumb on the beach this morning, looking like a couple of prize cunts. Great idea at the time.

You're like, let's record this on the beach. We'll have fun. We'll have something to talk about. Cue a parade of people walking past and saying, these two dweebs with microphones on the beach. Yeah. Interviewing each other like some Michael Parkinson pedophiles. Yeah.

Well, no, an old guy came past and we were like, oh, let's get this guy to get a photo of us. This will be funny. And I go up to him and I'm like, hey, mate, do you mind taking a photo of us real quick? And he goes, no, I have Parkinson's. Rough. This was about 10 in the morning.

I was like, it's a bit early to be drinking this heavy, mate. When we were talking, I don't know if anyone's seen it, but across from Mr Crabb, there's a painter and he's got this heavy, mate. When we were talking, I don't know if anyone's seen it, but across from Mr Crabbe there's a painter and he's got this little stall and he's doing a painting from a photo. He's incredible. He's so photorealistic. Last night when we were sitting there having dinner, he's painting this beautiful photorealistic sunset.

It's so beautiful. And then I walked past the same booth this morning. Did you see what he was painting today? Scrooge McDuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was a good likeness. Oh, thank God I got the sunset done. Now I can fucking

give myself an easy one for the day. I asked him for a quote. And he'll do a picture of us. Yeah. 120 bucks. Fuck yeah. Because the photo that we got taken on the beach while we were doing Talking Dum Dum. It's going to be hard to paint something that shaky to be fair. Yeah.

I mean, that's easy for him. He can just do a bit of it and then blur it and it'll look. But yeah, I think we should get that done, right? If it comes out well. Yeah. The photo or like one of the photos from this. I mean, the dream is we get that done, right? If it comes up well. Yeah. The photo or, like, one of the photos from this. I mean, the dream is we get that done and then we give it to the stay and we ask them to hang it here in the dining room

to forever immortalise the worst week of their lives. They can hang it up here in their kitchen of fame. Yeah. The week that all the staff got carpal tunnel syndrome from serving so many fucking beers. And quite ill from cleaning all of that piss out of that pool.

That's Yukon. So I put my toe in there the other day. I'm like, that is too warm. We're over the road. That pool is not that warm. Should we get our guests out here? Yeah, sure. Let's get them out.

Folks, please welcome back into the Little Dum Dum Club Cameron James, Daniel Walker and Brett Blake. How is everyone? This is going to be fun. Love having my friends up here on stage. Hell yeah. Yeah. How are you going? How are you going, Cam?

How's your day? It's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. Look at all these people here. Yeah, I know. Yeah. And they're all looking right at you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I heard something that someone said about you today. What did they say? After the show last night, my fiancé had never seen you do comedy before. Right. And she said... She's seen your show three times.

seen you do comedy before. She's seen your show three times. She said you'd never know what to look at him, but he's quite a crude little boy, isn't he? No, I'm very polite. I'm a good fellow. I'm happy to be here. That was something someone was saying about you behind your back

and now there's a lot of people here in front of you. They're all looking right at you. People are like, just looking at you. Shut the fuck up. I know what you're doing. I know what the game is. Let's fucking get in his head. He's fine.

He's fine. He's having a nice time. So. With everyone. 45 minutes ago, Cam walked in and said, can I please not be on tonight because I'm so high? Is Cam doing an impression of Old Brett? Was that... The bone is stoned.

Was that 45 minutes ago? That was so long ago. He walked up to me in the middle of nowhere, didn't say a word and then got this far away and went, I can't do this. It's not right. You've been trying to find a guitar for the stand-up show tomorrow and the manager came up to me and was like,

oh, the person who needs the guitar was asking me some tech stuff and I'm like, I'll have to get you to talk to him when he's here and then you turned up and I just got you as you walked in and I said, oh, here he is, and then she was like, I didn't realise that you were high yet and I just watched you talk to her and her go like, so yeah, the guy can bring the guitar tomorrow. You're like, uh-huh, yes, thank you. Thank you.

Yes, thank you. And then you were like, I've never been so stressed in my entire life. That could not have been an easier interaction to be in. It was such a technical conversation. She was like, do you need a DI? We've got a six and a half inch lead or whatever. And I was like, oh my God. No, no, no.

It was so weird because then she told me afterwards, she was like, man, no one in this room likes Cameron at all. It was interesting. That's great. Thank you. And then she said you've got a real little dick and everyone hates you. Really? Imagine being on a podcast with me and I'm more professional than you.

Dude, I'd fucking kill myself. Just kidding. I had an edible tooth. Just mum didn't raise a soft cock, that's all. I love this alpha bread. It's so good. I love the alpha new bread. Oh, you're so polite. It's so good. I love the alpha new bread. Oh, you're so polite.

I'm so sorry. I really don't want to be up here anymore. Seriously, if you need a sub out, do you want to... Did you bring... Did you book another comedian? Do you not want to... Well, I mean, look, I guess... We really...

We do have a last resort. We really didn't... We really didn't want to have to do this, but... Is Nick Carr here? Because I don't think he's going to get down that aisle, brother. I was going to say, yeah. You're going to have to grease him up. Fuck it up. No, all right.

Everyone, give it up for Cameron James. Thanks, everyone. I'm going to stand up for Mark. And, folks, please welcome. Guys, guys, don't encourage him. Wait, is this how you get out of work? Don't encourage him. Stay in school.

Don't do drugs. Come on, guys. Yeah, Brett raised a good point. If the end of this is Cam didn't have an edible at all, but just didn't want to do the fucking pod, then genius move. But folks, please welcome back into the Little Blood Mum Club, Harley Breen!

Harley Breen! It's so good that Cam was two stones so you got me. We found someone more stone than you. Last night you were dressed more professionally and you weren't on the show. You were in a shirt and long pants and now you're in shorts and a t-shirt. I'm disappointed to be here. If only you had two more edibles you could have been fucking up the back there.

It is good though because I did have to try and convince my wife that I was going to work so it's great to actually be on stage now. You've had a massage already haven't you? Hello. I haven't said what I am in the company. I'm the head of R&D.

Remember your job, Carl? You need to do it. And the best part about that, last night Carl, just before he went on, said to me, think about what you're the head of. And so I'm thinking about it and then he never brought me up. And I said, I'm the head of R&D and he goes, I don't know what that means.

Now, head of R&D, Carl, if you don't know what it means, is rectums and dicks. And I've been out doing a lot of that. I heard a lot about this at a certain soccer golf course earlier today. Yeah, there's heaps of rectum there. Also, I love your story about how you were good at sport, Tommy.

I did not see that one. Well, fucking no one did because the camera wasn't on. Yeah, the drone didn't see it and no one there watching you saw it. No, she's real. She just goes to a different school, I swear. Part of my research and development is what it stands for, you idiot. Oh. Has been listening...

Yeah, because you've never researched and you've never developed. Yeah. I genuinely didn't know that one. Well, I started by listening to every episode of this podcast. But I've been out. I've been savouring the highlights of Thailand. I've eaten them out of their edibles, except for the half of one that Cam had. Yeah, I think I saw that one advertised in the window.

It's a Peppa Pig one for little girls. And they said, if you want your five-year-old to get a little buzz, give them six of these. He actually had one of those vitamins for kids. I've had too much B12. I've actually never seen an edible with training wheels on before tonight, but yeah. I love you, Cam.

But yes, I had a massage and I wanted to bring it up with you because you're the king of Thailand. And I had an interesting experience. I've had massages before and I just don't know if it's normal behaviour here for what happened to me. I want to start by saying at no point was I offered, nor did I get, a handjob, all right, which is highly disappointing.

Someone's offering. But that didn't happen. But I got a very, which is highly disappointing and Someone's offering. But that didn't happen but I got a very this is the truth, I got a very thorough massage of my rectum. That is Wow. Is that normal? No. It didn't feel normal.

Did you get confused and massage parlour in my room? Actually a jellyfish got me right on the arsehole what was so you had your arsehole massage what was it massaged with and how much did it cost my face was down um facing down through a hole so i couldn't see um what was happening there um it did feel like multiple things though so i... And it wasn't a graze either. It wasn't like a gentle grazing of it.

It was a thorough working of the anus. I think we need to get a second opinion on this. I'll head back there. Well, you went there this afternoon. Oh, the same one? That's the same place. Well, she didn't touch my arsehole. Mate, I'm not lying.

She went through it. And I'm not going to stop a professional when they're in the middle of their job. And honestly, I didn't realise I was holding so much tension there because it was not wrong. Anyway, she kept going. She rolled me over, which was a feat for her. And then she got my hands and placed them right here beside my dick. I was like, what's going on here?

She goes, feel that. I'm like, what's going on here? She goes, feel that. I'm like, okay, I've done that before. She goes, your heart rate is really racing. I went, you just rubbed my anus for ten minutes. You just milked me. Also, I'm no doctor, but that's not where your heart is, is it? Maybe that was the process. Anyway, whatever.

You and your Apple Watch heart monitor going off. Are you getting a massage of the rectum right now? But then I did the whole shebang massage, finished, and I've never said yes to this at the end of a massage where they go, do you want a shower? And she said, would you like a shower? And I went, yeah, I think I do. Yeah, I got a bit of crying to get through. Because you just rubbed

my body with my anus. To be clear, that was the start of the massage and then she massaged me. It wasn't fucking relaxing. I'm like, my ass is all over me. That's what I do for you

people, research and development. Thanks for that. Now I smell like Carl Chandler's cum. You come out of a massage all bronzed up. That's for one security, a prison guard here. But it's not normal, is it? No. Has anyone had a rectum massage? Recommended.

You've got to give out the name of this place because I think now there's going to be a line out around the corner. Butts are us. It's all in the title. I think this is on you for not realising. It is on me. All over me. Can I say

I got a massage on a flight back from, I don't know where I was but. On a flight? Wait, what?'t know where I was. On a flight? Wait, what? You know when you have a stopover in a place? Oh, yes. Not on the plane. I had a very mild edible.

And Qatar? It was in Qatar. And then they took me into the room and I did a hot stone massage for the first time. And then afterwards they took me to this spa around the corner. And I'd just had a tech in Edinburgh who had told a story about how she'd decided she could finally get nude and get into a nude spa. And in my brain then I'd converted every spa into a nude spa. And so then in Qatar... and so then in Qatar...

In Qatar, known for letting women do whatever they want. I just went completely nude into this spa because... No, it wasn't... I didn't want it. I didn't want to do it. I was worried the lady who gave me the massage would judge me if I didn't do it. I thought she might think I was body conscious

and I was just like, I can't have anybody think I'm a coward. And so I got nude and hopped in the spa and I couldn't work out where the button was to turn the bubbles on. So then I just sat there. Well, my girl found it yesterday. With just all the colourful lights hitting my body as I was nude under the water. And then one lady did come around the corner and she was wearing a full one piece. And then she turned the bubbles on and hopped into the water.

And then in my mind, because she started to talk to me, and I'd recently had my autism diagnosis, and they'd brought up that you should be able to look people in the eyes. So good. And so I was trying to practice my eye contact. In the spa. I guarantee it's more challenging for her. Well, she said,

I thought you had to be wearing togs in here. But the self-preservation in my brain heard it as like, I thought you had to be wearing togs in here. But the self-preservation in my brain heard it as like, I thought you had to be wearing togs in here. And so I said, I don't mind. Very good. I don't think there's many people that can say they've been fully nude inside an airport. That's a rare opportunity.

I can. What's the story? I got nude inside an airport. No further questions. Just felt it. Got a massage in customs. That's good. Yeah.

Well, I said nothing to declare I got a massage today, I got a male massage Yep, how's your anus? It's fine, it's 2024, men can be massage people Masseuse Yeah masseuse, right yeah it's fine I just, you know, whatever I didn't think it was weird that it It sounds like you had a problem with it people. Masseuse. Yeah, Masseuse. Right, yeah, it's fine. I just, you know, whatever. I didn't think it was weird that it...

It sounds like you had a problem with it. People at home won't be able to see this, but you're crying. I didn't think it

was weird. There was a happy ending involved. It was just weird that he insisted I give it to him. Why am I paying for this?

A little bit of comedy. Well, you are, mister. Oh, hey, so, welcome back to Koh Samui. This is the second time you've been here. Oh, yeah, that is true. The first time you were here was for a very other special occasion, as close to your heart as the Coastal Million International Podcast Festival. Yes, it was 20

years ago, almost to the day, I was here on my honeymoon. Since then all sorts of things have happened. Namely, I lost my car. Well, no. That's a hell of a dowry. Your wife stole your tuk-tuk

Yes Yeah It hasn't been triggering at all The best call of the day We get into the back of a U And he's like It's just like my car And the car was like

What is your wife driving it? That was him That was Tommy That was me And he said ex-wife Ex-wife Yeah And I made that shot.

It bounced off a tree. And then all these supermodels came out of nowhere and sucked me off. It's a shame the cameras weren't on. And then you gave me a handjob. It was real weird. I think the camera's got that. I started filming that one. Yeah, but it's good to be back in my spiritual home.

Depression. We also have a couple that are here instead of their honeymoon. Is that true? Yeah? Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Why? Who would have thought that you'd have fans that would make really dumb shit decisions?

How was the honeymoon, though? How was the honeymoon back? How was the honeymoon back then? My honeymoon? Yeah. Well, I don't want to, spoiler alert,

it didn't go well. No, it was fine. Even the honeymoon? No, the honeymoon was horrific. What we did, we,

well, I mean, for starters, I was 24, so that wasn't fucking smart, but we only booked the first

four days of a three-week honeymoon because when you're 24 you just take three weeks off from the job you don't have um because your new wife's dad paid for it because you're still basically in school and uh so we got here had four days in like a lush resort in phuket and then um i just went why don't we just trek across the country and then go to Koh Samui on a public bus. Yeah, that was a second mistake. I was going to say first. And then

we got to Koh Samui with no accommodation. I can't even remember where we stayed. I think we might have actually stayed half the night on the beach Sounds romantic, wasn't? Half the night Yeah, just half the night Everything is a bit of a blur

After that The next nine years Oh, great that you asked me to bring it up Thanks I stitched you up there I had a good story about my anus and I thought we'd move on. Well, it's nice to have you over here and knowing now that this trip has fuck all to live up to.

Yeah. Yeah, it's already done better. Was your ass getting any doing over on that honeymoon? No, nothing was. My favourite part so far, though, has been going to Pig Island and walking into Pig Shit Ocean. And just after your mate pissed in it and cutting my foot on a rock, I'm like, this is going to be fine.

I reckon this is going to be okay. Also, Danielle pissed in there as well. I did. Did you? And she made full eye contact, so congratulations. Good on you. I was, you know how I was she made full eye contact so congratulations. Good on you. I was, you know how I was so...

Full eye contact with the pig? To be honest with you, you two girls pissing in that ocean probably helped it a bit. Thank you. Yeah. You know, I did,

if you noticed, I was quite far ahead of you as we were walking back to the boat. Yes. And then I just stunk down, did it? On the fly. And we walked into it.

Is that what you're saying? That... Yeah. We'd all been stung On the fly We walked into it Is that what you're saying? That Yeah We Fuck yeah We'd all been stung by jellyfish Yeah I'm not lying

That's exactly when I cut my foot Oh that's That's really good That's good Yeah it's good Yeah Great Okay

It's been worthwhile Leaving my wife and children To come here Yeah Someone was saying on the way in That they were talking to someone in the pool. There's someone here that works in consumer affairs. And they were saying that they work in consumer affairs and there's been an official complaint lodged against me.

Is that true? Oh, wow, this guy left up. He didn't even wait for an answer. He's got the screenshot ready to go on his phone. Tommy, as if there's just one complaint. This is grey. C is the person who made the complaint. Yeah, I get it.

C had booked an event at Comedy Basement Club. That's not what it's called, you dumb cunt. C stands for cunt. Well, he's making the unorthodox decision to represent himself. Oh, that nun that I bashed. Yeah, yeah. It's got me there. Man, we can finally tell this story.

We told this story a long time ago and cut it out of the pod, but we can tell this story. Here we go. Hang on. Hang on. You told the story and I cut it out. Can we finally tell it? If this is an active...

Do you cut things out of the pod? Yeah, sometimes. Only when I'm on. Only for slurs. So, C had booked an event with Comedy Basin Club. C then broke her foot and contacted R. I'm R. What might R stand for, Harley?

Hold on, I'm good at improv. I'm good at improv. Come back to me. You're right. Come back to my ass.'re right. Come back to my arse. That's good. C then broke her foot and contacted R a few days in advance in regards to getting a refund.

R did not respond until after the event was over, so C could not give a ticket to someone else. So I will read the rest. I know exactly what happened. Are we allowed to go into this? Is this an active investigation? No, this is old. This is a couple of years old. As if any of these cunts actually do their job. That's why dickheads like me smoke you.

Yeah, if you're at home and you've made a complaint to Consumer Affairs and nothing's happened about it, this is why. This bloke's over here getting maggot with us. Well, I'll do this quickly. So, this is what happened. No, no, no, no, with us. I'll do this quickly. So this is what happened. No, no, no, no. Come back. I'll read the rest. Don't you fucking move. Yeah.

You've read the complaint. You know what he's capable of. Open up. Open up your phone. Now we're going to go through all your photos. You stay right there. Now massage our asses. So this person rang up and they were like oh yeah and i was on a run and so um and i answered the phone while i was on a run

you were on the run yeah no i was on a run and i answered the phone when i was on a run and they go um oh yeah um oh i hurt my foot and i i want a full refund for tickets i bought for tomorrow night and i and i go and the first thing i, well, that's not really how it works. You can't just say I hurt my foot. Like, it says officially on the website there's no refunds for stuff like that. And then this woman started immediately shrieking and crying and going ballistic and going, oh, I can't believe it. And I just went, hey, I'm just giving you the heads up because I will refund you, but I'm just saying

that's what it says on the form. And she was going mental and going crazy and screaming and crying. And you would have been cool, calm and collected, Kyle. And then you would have taken three deep breaths in, responded correctly. Also, you can't just write no refunds on a piece of paper and that's just fucking consumer law. That's not how that works.

Am I right? I'm right! You're a fucking idiot. Hang on. Uh-oh. Why can't I do that? You can do it. I can do it, can't I? Yes, thank you.

Thank you. Are you on holiday or did you get fired? You're flip-flopping all over the place. Of course I can do that. I did that to several people at this festival. Look, mate, I feel for you. He's very hard to say no to. So this woman was going crazy.

And then so I was like, you need to calm down or I can't talk to you because you're screaming. And she's like, ah, screamed again. So I hung up and she kept ringing back during the run and then kept screaming. I can't talk to you because you're screaming. And she's like, ah, screamed again. So I hung up and she kept ringing back during the run and then kept screaming. I can't talk to you if you're screaming. You're huffing and puffing as you're running along. I've rang you before we went to the phone. You're like, anyway, stick it open. As if...

Continue. So, she kept ringing back and screaming and screaming and I was like, listen, you're going to have to just email me. She emails me. I give her a refund. And then, so this is her complaint. This is what happens next. I did not respond until after the event was over,

so C could not give a ticket to someone else. When R got back to C, they stated that in order to get a refund, C would need to exchange sexual favours for the refund. That sounds like you. Stating, I can help you, but you've got to help me. I mean, I haven't read this full thing. Right. So, C hung up.

King of the festival, this guy. This is insane. Fucking legend. Imagine if one of the guests you booked brought content like this. This is insane. C hung up and then called back and R answered the phone saying, Are you ready to give me what I want? This all checks out, honestly.

After your behaviour at soccer golf today I reckon this is correct Yeah you told me to suck my dick three times You don't know that The person from R was Carl Chandler And his number was 040 That's crazy So that person is fucking unhinged

You're excused If I tried to search suck my dick in my chat with you... If I tried to search suck my dick in my message chat with you, my phone would explode. Just overheat immediately. It was. She rang me like 20 times in one day. I had to block her.

And then she complained to the comedy festival. She rang me like 20 times in one day. I had to block her. She was fucking... And then she complained to the comedy festival. She rang everywhere. She rang things that weren't involved in anything. So we talked about it on a live pod during that comedy festival. We did it live. And then on like the Monday morning, I get a sheepish phone call from you being like, I think you'll have to edit that bit out of the pod.

Because I had to have a meeting with a comedy festival and I told them the whole story and I was like, how insane is this? And they're like, yeah, it's fine. We've dealt with it. It's fine. Move on. I just wouldn't be talking about it in public.

And I'm like, oh, fuck, Tommy. Anyway, the surprise is she's here tonight. You know what? I kept her details and I wondered whether I should get my revenge and now I fucking will. You'll break the other foot. It's not like you to not let something go.

That's great. Is there any significance to C&R? He just explained it. Complain and respondent. You fucking idiot. Jesus! Suck my dick! Research and development. I get it. I explained it. Complaint and respondent. You fucking idiot. Jesus. Suck my dick. Research and development.

I get it. I get it. Oh, man, that's insane. That's so funny. So that's a transcript of a phone call. Yes, that's a transcript of a phone call, yeah. And is this like, how does this stack up against the kind of stuff that comes through the mailbox at your work?

Is this like Christmas party fodder where they're like, yeah. How many complaints do you get about through the mailbox at your work? Is this like Christmas party fodder? How many complaints do you get about Carl Chandler at your work? Also, thanks for keeping that on your phone for four years now. Is that the only reason you came here? Yes. Hang on, hang on. Is that how you got into this podcast? Did you Google Carl Chandler and go, I've got to check out, I like this guy's style.

He actually did all the first broadcasts with nothing to do with me. Google Carl Chandler and go, I've got to check out, I like this guy's style. That's a fucking great move. Everyone should have done that at their work. You look me up on your system. Is that legal? There was another complaint about me.

Great. All right, all right. Maybe I did say... No, I didn't. I didn't. No, I absolutely didn't. That's insane. It's fucking crazy.

And don't know, because we talked about it on a live podcast and we had to take the whole thing out, but it was very funny because at the end of the riff, Tom Ballard said, I imagine this went to court and then it would turn out

to be like the final episode of Seinfeld, just every cut. Oh, we're all getting locked up. I would be sentenced to death. Anyway. Is that the end? Yeah. Do you know what I like about tonight?

You know last night how you had an ASCII full of beers? Yeah. That was cool, wasn't it? Yeah. Well, it's your own fault for dressing like shit last night. Otherwise we might have got you up here. Yeah, that's fair. Sorry we only flew you to an island.

Fuck you. And put you up in a hotel. The worst. Paid you for doing this. And got my anus massaged. It's the best day of my life. I love it. Hey, do we want to reveal who won soccer golf, by the way?

Yes. Oh, they're fucking king. They're pumped up. All right. Anyone else got some complaints about Carl that they'd like to float the next 20 minutes of the show with? No, it was a tied match. Two of the people up here, Brett Blake and Harley Breen. Thank you.

Tied for first place. I was very happy with that result. Bretty, it's not gone well for you that you had to tie. Yeah, it pissed me off, yeah. You were more into it than I've ever seen you into anything. No, no, it's only because I was beating Carl and I knew it would fucking ruin his little brain. So I was just like, just stay in the game.

I only have four to seven beers. You were psycho into it. We were two holes behind you. You were just like running up in front of us. I barely spoke to you all day. You'd take the first shot and then you'd just be waiting up the other end of the pitch being like, come on guys. I can't wait to get back there and get called gay seven times.

Maybe it was the content you were bringing, brother. It was almost like we never saw you actually take the shots. I feel like old Brett's coming back. That's cool, because old and new Harley is here. In terms of the scoring, there was some very lax counting. I know you're dyslexic with letters, but I think numbers might be a problem as well. Sorry, Carl, that's just because you came third and had a little sook like a bitch.

No, he came fourth. Did he? Yeah. Did Tommy beat you? No. No, no way. That fucking stoner up the back beat him. Mr Liverpool himself can't kick a ball

Danielle Walker wasn't even there and she beat him Brett you need to give me what I want what? from before I don't remember this suck his dick

suck his dick from Suck his dick. From the... From C. I've got a complaint to blotch. Fuck, I'm mad about that. Yeah, I know. Which bit? That bit.

The complaint bit. Oh, that. I thought you meant the sock off. Oh, no, the sock is fine. Whatever. You had your moment in the sun. Good for you. Nah, it got under your fucking skin that I beat you.

It did, Carl. It really got under your skin, didn't it, Carl? You were the one. Carl, imagine having Liverpool top on, a little Liverpool hat everywhere you go. Oh, look at me. I'm from London. I like soccer. Liverpool butt plug in.

I've noticed how you've taken all the kid off now, haven't you? Burned it in shame. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking got a Leo hat on like a popcorn. And so this... Good for you. You've had a win. Well done.

This is male friendship. Yes. Yeah. Okay. This is the best moment of Brett's life. He had a draw. Yeah. It's actually up there, so...

Oh. He had a drawer. It's actually up there. Oh, fuck yes. That is Milan. For the listener at home, we just got some beers delivered. Thank you. Yeah. A man just walked in with a mask on closest to Brett because he didn't want to catch cheating disease. Oh, shit. It's this year's fun run.

He didn't want to catch sore loser disease. These guys are such good friends. Man, I can't believe I wrote a best man speech for you the other week. Yes, Danielle, this is male friendship. Women could never understand how beautiful this is. The constant threat of being bashed by your best friend at any given moment. Oh, I hope they bash me.

I'll bash your arsehole. Sorry, I just mentally put myself back there on the green. Phenomenal. Phenomenal what you will leave in and what gets edited out. Just phenomenal. We've got to get out the R word, but not your game, your game, your game. Nothing gets edited out on quality on...

Not on bash your arsehole. It's fucking sick. That's staying in. We're calling back to it now. It's part of the fabric. I want you to know this genuinely fills me up. I, uh... I mean...

You know, whatever. Whatever. Twice in one day, really? I fucking love it. Who do you work for again? Get over it. No,

who do you work for again? Consumer Affairs. I want everyone to complain about this podcast to Consumer Affairs. Fuck. What are you talking about? Why are you doing that?

That would be good. That wouldn't be good. That would be really bad. But what could they do to us? Have you paid your taxes? Fuck You should stay under the fucking radar You absolute idiots

They can't stop us doing I had to include you They can't stop us doing a podcast Consumer Affairs, can they? You can't stop me, can you? If you ring it No one can stop me God, this explains it all, doesn't it?

You all need to give me what I want. Carl, come on. We've got two more nights after this. Save this for Thursday evening. I'll just give you all my hotel room number. Yeah. No one can stop me! Wow, what are we going to do Wednesday night?

We really fucking... We really peaked early. Are you not entertained? Remember how you'll go, too. You're the Al Capone of the comedy world. They'll get you on tax fraud. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. That just gave me a panic attack Blakey what about this Not interested Move on There's still so many dot points Near my name I fucking hate this

I still got heaps You keep telling me stuff And not realising how good it is And I keep writing it down It's almost like you're ratting me out constantly. No. You were telling me about you went to Laos with your dad

and you went to karaoke. Oh yeah, this one's fucked. We didn't go there. So my brother no it wasn't Laos, it was Borneo so my brother's partner's from Borneo and we had a big wedding in this beautiful hotel, rooftop pool. Me and my dad got maggot all day.

It was a beautiful... That doesn't sound like your father. No. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And we were drunk at the pool all day and then we got so maggot, we were like, man, we've got to go to... In the hotel downstairs was karaoke

and i was like fuck yeah dad let's go sing some john farnham or something you know and i was so excited travel broadens the mind it's beautiful yeah and and then uh i was like fuck this is gonna be a great moment me and dad on the beers we'll have some karaoke this is sick and we go downstairs to this karaoke place which looked very decadent and then um so we get to the front counter i was like oh let's grab one of the karaoke rooms and we're going to have some karaoke, this is sick. And we go downstairs to this karaoke place, which looked very decadent. And then, so we get to the front counter, I was like, oh, can we just grab one of the karaoke rooms? And the guy goes, oh, yeah, yeah. And how many women do you want?

And I was like, me and dad were like, what, backup singers? And I was like, we're not going to sit in silence. And then someone was like, we're not going to sit in silence. And then someone was like, we're not going to live with you. I was like, maybe. I said, like, two or three singers, I guess. Bring in a full children's choir. We really want this to have some texture.

Yeah. Now leave that bit in. Come over here, little guys. You need to give me what I want. I don't like how this has turned out. So we're like... Were you confused? Do you reckon your dad was?

Because I reckon he wasn't. Nah, dad's also pretty dumb. No, but we were like, karaoke, you're going to have backup singers. We're like, oh, it's probably like 50 bucks to have backup singers or whatever. But then my cousin came down because we were waiting for him and he just started laughing. He's like, get eight singers. And I was like, what?

What are you talking about? He's like, do you know this is a fucking brothel? It's like in a hotel room but in some countries karaoke room, they call karaoke, like that's their code for brothels.

Brett, no offence. What were they charging you per backup singer? Because didn't they tell you the price? I can't remember the price. Oh.

Was it like 50 bucks? I thought you were saying it was like a couple hundred bucks and you're like, that's a lot for bucks? I thought you were saying it was like a couple hundred bucks. You're like, that's a lot for backup singers. Yeah, I think it was like 50, 100 bucks. I can't remember. I was like, oh, this fucking seems a lot. But yeah, I was like, nearly went into a brothel with my dad.

Anyway, that's a story we told, Mum. Yeah, Brett, no offence. This sounds like one of Carl's stories from here where he's like, yeah, I got maggot and then I woke up in the morning and 500 bucks was just missing from my wallet. I don't know. I thought they were backup singers. I was just trying to help them get a higher range going.

You know, I was trying to get the high notes happening. No, you thought it was a microphone. Yeah. But it was in a fancy hotel in the car park. I was like, what? In the car park? That didn't give it away. Yeah, it was in a car park down two alleys behind a bin.

Where do you, where the fuck do you do karaoke? There was no karaoke machine. There was no music. There was a red light and a door. Ding, ding, ding, karaoke. That was called anal sex karaoke. We got it. I think you should call Consumer Affairs because they've...

Low Consumer Affairs. That would be good. That would be good. Oh, well, who's ready to hear about the sperm bank? What? Do we, yeah, should we, yeah, what do you think? Should we get our man out here? We do a little bit on that.

What's that? What's this? What's going to happen? What kind of surprise have you got for me? Well, look, I know you don't listen, but each week on the show... Every episode, Carl. We showcase a different new talent and they come on here with brand new material. And we sit here quietly And enjoy it

Oh that's nice Yeah yeah yeah You guys are good guys Yeah And it's definitely not boring This is the part of the show Where we run out of things To bully each other about

And we bring a new person out So Is this it Tommy? Oh yes I know this music. Please welcome to the stage, Abhishek Mishra. Abhishek, you were at football golf today. Did you see Tommy do that good shot?

Yeah, I did. Thanks, Abhishek. I did, I did, I did. He really doesn't get it, does he? Abhishek, was that your first joke? I guess so. Hey. Hey, Abhishek, you beat Tommy.

I beat... Did I? Yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah, nice. With your dick. You better believe that's stinging. Let's get Cameron James to come up and do Abish X Material right now. Come on, man.

Do it together. I reckon it'll be funny. Yes, come on. Man, just do the whole joke. You know it. You know it. You know it. You got it, brother. I don't want to do that, guys.

I'm loving the show from up the back. Abishit, you're killing it so far. Fuck, he must be high. I'm just going to go and enjoy myself because I am really enjoying myself, guys. And the same to all you guys as well. Sing medium dick. Consumer Affairs.

Consumer Affairs, I'd like to register a complaint. Tackle this cunt on the way past, would you? Nah, you're alright, mate. Cameron James, give us what we want. Fuck! It's alright, mate. Cameron James, give us what we want. It's alright, mate. I've been there before. It's alright. You'll get out of it.

It's alright. Yeah. That's fine. You don't have to do anything. Good on you. Don't bump the... Good on you, Cameron James. Yeah, come on. If that is your real name. Don't bump it. Good on you, Cameron Jenkins.

Yeah, come on. If that is your real name. We don't want to make anyone do anything that they don't really feel comfortable doing. Now, Ebishek, do the sperm bank bit

for the eighth time. I want to hear the ending tonight as well. I'm looking forward to it. Well, if you shut the fuck up, you will hear it. Funny's funny.

Fuck, he's a bit rude, isn't he? That's really lowered the tone of this show. Can you watch your language, please? There are two ladies present in this room, alright? Carl, I'm like you were on the second week. It's just really hit me how good this is. Have you... Hang on. Have you got a contact high from camp?

Man. Abhishek, you're better than a gummy. I love Abhishek because today we went to lunch and I'm like, I'm trying to give him comedy advice but more dietary advice

because he had three desserts today. And it was good shit. Well done, Abhishek. Well, he had three dinners last night. Yeah. He did. Trying to follow the boss,

I guess. All right. So yeah, I've been kind of bowed lately. She's so fucking bowed, man. Why? Didn't you like golf? I thought you were Having a good time

You lied to us You're actually Stealing the material Of most of the listeners Of this show Yeah So Ben kind of I mean I said it first

And they just like Pointed it out No it's funny Yeah So yeah Bold Very important And

It's actually not important To this bit at all. It's not. You could take the line, I was bored lately, out of this joke and it would still work, not that great. Just like all of Carl Chandler's jokes. Oh. Yes!

Hey, Abishan. Let me remind everyone up here that I booked all of your flights and I can cancel all the return trips. Oh, no, then I'd have to stay in Thailand. Yeah, you booked, but they paid for it. You guys did pay for it. Oh, yeah. They're my boss. We work for the people.

Let's give the people what they really want, Carl. So, yeah. Oh, yeah. Abishek, do duck sandwich. Don't lower yourself, brother. I'll be honest, I still don't know what the duck sandwich joke is. No one does. Well, I'll bring it up in our meeting tomorrow.

Yeah, so you ever get... So you were bored. You were bored. And you ever get so So you were bored. You were bored. And you ever get so bored... Bored. You ever get so bored that you start going places you wouldn't normally go to? Yeah, I know, and most of you are thinking, yeah, we are here, Ken. Thanks for that, by the way.

You gave it to me. Whoa, hang on. We've got a fucking Lennon and McCartney partnership going, you know what I mean? Fuck yeah, we have, Yoko. Yoko, don't get me

fired up again. Fuck, I love comedy And I love you too Hey, I'm his best man, alright? Alright? Okay, Abhishek's remembering That's right, you shouldn't have been out on the golf course today You should be studying this material Also, by the way, Abhishek

When you do a joke and it does really well If you want to be like Carl Chandler, you go A tick? Well Sorry for having a memorable bit Well Sorry for having a memorable bit Well I only have one joke So I guess I'll have to do it At the end of my set

So yeah I was Bored recently Going places you don't normally go Yes Fuck I love it when it goes from us Going Us going crazy into you going, okay, I have to start the joke again.

It's so good. It's so good. Where did you go, Abishak? And how were you feeling, excited? Guys, please, let's just give him like a minute. Let's just give him a clear minute. We're on silent. I want to hear the end of the joke.

I want to hear what I have to say. Oh, fuck, I'm funny. That's it. Tears. The tears are here. That's good. Man, those gummies are strong, brother. That was my sixth and it finally hit. Sorry about the guy. Okay. So, guys. Okay.

So, yeah. I was so bored the other day, I decided to go to the bank. But not that one. Not the one you guys are thinking of. I went to the one way... Hang on. What? Hang on.

What? Come! Come! Come! I was just about to find out. That's so rude. Don't boot camp like that. But Abbott I just want to do a quick survey of the audience What bank do you think he was thinking of?

Which bank? NAB We got one wrong answer, anyone else? Commonwealth Bank You're close but St George Nah you guys, fuck You guys are not really good at guessing in this game are you? Commonwealth Bank? No. You're close, but... George! St. George? Nah, you guys, fuck.

You guys are not really good at guessing in this game, are you? Let him know, Abhishek. No, so yeah, I went to the one where you donate sperm. Oh! You look silly now. He's flipped it. Commonwealth, yeah. Well it. Commonwealth, yeah. Well done. Commonwealth, well done.

Everyone. Man, you guys are too nice. I quit my job because of fucking you guys. And I'm going to end up... Wait. Wait. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Do you fuck all of these guys?

Hang on, did you actually quit your job? I mean, yeah, but not because of that reason. I did quit my job. I quit my job because I'm going overseas, but my boss wouldn't approve my leave. Wait, you quit your job as the host of the Sperm Bang podcast? No. So you're unemployed right now?

No, no, I've still got two more weeks to go after this. Okay, all right. I'm in the notice period right now. Okay. I'm in Portland in my notice period. Are we still in the spam bank? Yes. I'm not following this path.

Are you talking to us? Is this a bit? No, no, no. Yeah, I just got distracted. Sorry. Okay. That's weird. Yeah. Fuck, where was I?

Again, it's just so much fucking... You were at the sperm bank. Yes, I was at the sperm bank. And it was a very legitimate sperm bank, right? Like, with a reception. So I walk up to the reception and there's a lady. There's a lady standing behind the reception. And she asked me a question that I wasn't really expecting.

She asked me... Yeah, you're right to expecting. Yeah, what? Because she asked me... Yeah, you're right to ask. What was it? What was her name? I don't know. I didn't ask. Not a very thorough bit. I don't think this is true.

We need Consumer affairs again. It's like an Indian Ben Lomas here. Ben has never looked that good. Are you basing that off him having three desserts today? Who's that? Who's that? Who the... Yeah. Continue. Continue.

Easy. Easy. So, yeah, she asked me a question I wasn't really expecting. She asked me, what is the purpose of your visit? At a sperm bank. I'm like, I give it the benefit of the doubt because it's my first time there and i asked her what are my options and she goes well you can either donate a sample or you can purchase some i'm like what could you get elaborate on that? I'm a bit confused. And she goes, well, we get a lot of guys

coming in here, losers like yourself, and their sample never gets sold. So after a while... I think Cameron James is sober now. To be honest,

I've heard this bit so much in front of these people, it feels like I've had quite a few gummies as well. I've never heard it go on. It's riveting. Keep going, brother. You got this. Yeah.

You're killing it. And, um... Yeah. Is this still live? What? Did you just say, is this still live? No, this is a repeat. Actually, it kind of is. From before.

From before. From before. Hey, Abhishek, I'm feeling kind of bored. I don't know if you know how many kids I've got, but fucking hell do I have a lot of sperm. Guys, I am about to piss my pants. Can we please let him finish? Alright, you've got a minute to

land this thing, Abhishek. Yes, yes, yes, I've got to land it. Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! Abhishek! And exactly, so I'm like, yeah, so they are selling... I'm like, what exactly is she envisioning? Me, like, going to a fucking comedy gig with, like, a exactly is she envisioning? Me like going to a fucking comedy gig with like a glass bottle in my hand? Oh, I don't know.

Yes! I'm like, what the hell? Yes! For the people at home, for the people at home, Abhishek has brought props. He's drinking from a bottle full of cum. It's the Ando of Thailand.

Kinda, kinda salty, this fucking drink. I don't know. Abhishek, did you massage Harley today? That's only half what I... Anyway. Sorry. You know, and by the way, I looked it up. The place is open Monday to Friday from 9 to 5.

Who the fuck is Mike Cum in the middle of the day? Abhishek Mishra, everyone! Abhishek Mishra. Abhishek Mishra. Pulling out the prop. God. On night two. How's he going to escalate it on night three,

I wonder? Fuck, he's good. I reckon night three, when he needs to just another level, he's going to pull something else out. Oh. Oh, yeah. Pizza. just another level he's going to pull something else out oh

oh yeah pizza alright well that is going to do us for another episode of the Little Dumb Dumb Club big round of applause please

Brett Blake Daniel Walker Harley Brine Cameron James Abhishek Mishra thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time

See you mate And they've done it again! Good shit. There was like a guitarist out there the other night, he was playing Simply the Best, and we were like, what if we just start using that as a theme song? That would be legit so good.

But then we thought we'd better give you some context, and then we didn't. We'd better test it out in the open mic of comedy, Talking Dumb Dumb. The open mic of podcasting, Talking Dumb Dumb. That's good. What if we just started using that for the normal app? That would be good, right? Talking Dumb Dumb.

What? Talking Dumb Dumb. Yeah, we just did that. Oh, that's the guy. So you're the guy that brought his little kids here. Interesting. Where are they now? Working at a factory or what's going on? So you

have your teenage kids here. Should we save this for a main app because it's 8.30. Everyone wants to have dinner. Quick game's a good game. Okay. Thanks for coming. Yeah, you've created life twice. Fuck you.

Fuck off. Who cares? No, that's cool. But let's talk to this guy on the next proper one we do. Okay, okay, okay. Bernie's kicked it again. Whatever. All right. Okay, okay, okay. Let's, let's... Bernie's kicked it again, whatever. Alright.

Bernie's massaged a big one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's massaged a big arsehole. Let's get a guest up here. He's calmed down a little bit. Please welcome to the stage, let's intro him by his slave name, Cameron Bone. Hey Cam. Hey guys, hey everyone.

Where's your car, dude? Dude, where's my car? Cameron? Dude, where's my car? Cameron Cheech, where's Chong? Dude, where's my comedy? Fuck, that's not a bad show name, brother. That would be good, yeah. Might keep that. Dude, where's my comedy?

Imagine buying a ticket to that. Fucking hell. Carl comes up to me just before and goes, let's have Cam on this one because he's better now. You're all better. Yeah, we're all better. I'm mentally better. Danielle asked me earlier, did I have any deep thoughts when I was, because I was tripping about two hours ago.

And I was like... Tripping is so good. Cam, this is still the main episode. It's been going for five minutes. We're still in Australia. Yeah, and we're all talking about you. Whoa, what the heck? And I did have one deep thought. Do you guys want to know what it is?

All right, so I was at that point when you're really high when you start jumping through time a little bit and you're doing one thing and all of a sudden you're doing something else and you're like, oh no, no, no. You're doing everything everywhere all at once. Dude. So that is almost the exact thought I had. Because I was pissing and I was watching it go out.

And then... A drone flew over you. Do you guys know about pissing? So it comes out of the hole. And I was watching it come out and then I smash cut to... Hang on, you passed out whilst pissing? No, I wasn't passing out. It's like your brain turns off for 30 seconds

and then you come back to it or whatever. So I assume I was active in those moments. Yeah, is this a strain of wee that they call Final Cut Pro? Yeah, yeah. So I was pissing, watching it go out, watching the stream arc towards the water and then I smash cut to me putting my shoes on. Like my POV shot of me with my shoes and I was like oh no I'm pissing all over my shoes and then I stood up and I was like fully

dressed and everything I had my shoes on I was like whoa and I was like oh I feel like I'm pissing but I'm also putting my shoes on I'm doing them both at the same time like I literally everything everywhere all at once myself I had the most cliche year 7 stone of thought

where I literally said oh time is a construct and then I went oh no this is so fucking embarrassing I think I speak for all of us when I say that's trippy.

It's trippy, man. It's trippy stuff. You see, you really have the change is remarkable. You've made a full recovery. You couldn't even look me in the eyes while Abhishek was up here before. You were like, I've never had you literally, it felt weird

because I've never heard you whisper before but that's all you've been doing tonight before now. For people at home, we are doing this eight minutes after the main ep. So this is a remarkable turnaround. Yeah. Also

Abhishek's hovering up there like he's going to be asked to come back on and do the same bit on Talking Dumb Dumb. Well, this gives me an idea. Name number five this week. Oh, this is a weird one. Actually, you know what? Abhishek, come up and be a guest on Talking Dumb Dumb.

Yeah, why not? Yeah. Oh. Good on you, Carson. Get him up on the couch. Good on you, Carson. Get him up on the couch. He's earned it.

He's earned the place on the bit of the show that not that many people listen to. Harley and Brett left and didn't come back. So, Abhishek, welcome to the stage. That's how he earned it, through absence. This is the part of the show where we talk about the other bit of the show. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. Explain it to me.

I think if anyone understands... Actually, it doesn't make any sense. I think if anyone understands the idea of commentary, it might be Abhishek. I cannot believe I just put that sentence together. You've made such a comeback. I'm amazed at myself. Because I was whispering in your face, not that one.

Yeah. You were so quiet. I was like, I almost felt sympathy. It was like... I saw a flicker of sympathy on your eyes and I thought, this must be how your child feels. And I felt so happy in the moment. I was like, this is nice actually.

Abhishek, I saw you in the street not long after you'd got here and you were like very excited to be here. And you were saying to me like, oh yeah, should I hire a motorbike and like get a scooter around here? And I was like, yeah, I mean, you know, it's pretty like hectic out there. So like you, I mean, you could, but it just kind of... You know, you need to be... You know, you need to have a little bit of proficiency

with a scooter. Like, have you done much before? And you were like, yeah, I grew up in India. I've ridden a fucking motorbike around. LAUGHTER I didn't want to presume, but... Abhishek, be careful of these green curries. LAUGHTER I didn't want to presume, but... Abhishek, be careful of these green curries. I felt so fucking stupid.

Hey, that's how I feel every day. So self-effacing. We love him. Have you been scooting, though? No. No. I haven't. I didn't get one, because we are taking a cab everywhere.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good bit. I feel like you're better down there. I'm way better

down there. Yes. Come on. Come on. Come on. I love this guy. I paid for this guy. That's really Oh fuck. That's really...

Oh, fuck. That's really not true. Yeah. You did, I forgot. Yeah, this large group of mostly white people bought Abishek. I said mostly. I said mostly. Hey, I'm a grateful little slave if, like, that's what I...

I am No Abishak Alright okay That's where we draw the line Okay It's my first time up here Oh yeah it's your first time up We'll add you on the stage

Yes I'm learning the rules of the game It's fine It's fine I'll get there Oh my god I mean I'm so glad you made it because I was fucking petrified that you weren't going to make it because I bought you a flight on booking.com,

which I've never used for a flight. And it's all complicated. I had to put my name on and people email me going, you bought this for someone else. Is this you flying or is it someone else? And I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe. There's going to be a point where the show happens and we're sitting here going, fuck, I wish Abhishek was here.

You made it, I'm wrapped. I mean, I did get you the cheapest possible flight and you are, I hope you like Singapore because you're there for about three days on the way home. I am. Yeah, I've got to check out the place, you know. Let's see what Singapore has to offer.

Check it out on my way home. Yeah, there's some comedy clubs there. You can get up and do the sperm bank bit. Exactly. I'm hoping to. We'll put in a word for like five comedians to sit behind you. I need that.

I tried to get a gig. As I was passing through Singapore on the way here, I messaged the comedy club there and was like, hey, could I get on your show on Friday night? And they never replied. Fucking stood up by the fucking, the illustrious gig of the Lemon Stand in Singapore. Whoa, the Lemon Man couldn't get on the Lemon Stand?

Exactly. Just goes to show Singapore's not that unlike Melbourne. Funny how, like I'm a clown? Like I'm just here to amuse you? Not so much. Let's read some names out, come on. So, Abhishek, we'll treat you like the general public This is what we do on this show

We thank the people who keep this show afloat Like you should be thanking me Am I wrong? No, no The people, they get on patreon.com And they support our show And it goes towards all the expenses that we have. And we like to thank them individually every week.

So there's been many, many names read out over the years. Sometimes we've read single figures. Who knows what tonight is. We pick a random number every week and we read that amount of names out and we just comment on the names. So if I read a name out and you have a kernel of an idea. Colonel Sanders. Chicken.

Chicken man. Yummy. Herbs and spices. Spice girls. Jerry Hallowell. Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, my stuff. Herbs and spices. Spice girls. Jerry Hallowell. Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, my God. He's on a roll, folks.

Sign language. I'm out. I've got nothing. That's the answer to the question, where do you get your ideas? That's right. Words. Words. Yeah, so Abhishek, yeah, we do the actual show every week that you've been on

and then we have to take extra time out of our week to do this bit that you're involved in right now and then at least 80% of people skip it. So I reckon a lot of people in this room, this is the first time they're ever seeing this part of the little dum-dum club. If that takes the pressure off at all. Oh yeah, it takes the pressure off.

Thank God. Hands up if you've never listened to Talking Dum-Dum in your life. Fuck yes. One hand. Two hands. We should say shut up. Like not even taking the temperature of the room just like, I don't care if I'm the only one.

I want it on record. This guy finished it before we did the sentence and it's like you could you should have gone a bit like oh me sort of it's like no i couldn't be prouder and by the way a guy a guy who's up the very front by the way fuck this you like the main part oh yeah how are you this? You know, is this going to inspire you to maybe, like, listen to the end of the Eps from now on? No. We'll see.

We'll see. Yeah, okay. We'll check in with you after each name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. Yeah. Well, you could be here quite a while. It could be 60 to 70 names.

Who knows? Who knows? All right. So, thank you to everyone who subscribes to patreon.com slash littledumb Dumb Club every week We really appreciate your support Now, we have picked As you can all see

As you can all see the machinery here on stage We've reprogrammed it this week To Patreon subscribers In your area Alright So some of you Maybe in, let's call it luck in your area. Alright. So some of you may be in, let's call it luck. Actually, you know, if any

of these people who I read out here tonight feel free to stand up so we can all get a real good look. Just quickly, can I just check something? Hey, Anna, is Lauren still here? No. Fantastic. Hang on, just so, your mates are here but your girlfriend walked out?

Yeah. Yeah, fiance, thanks. Fiance. Yeah, fiancé, thanks. Fiancé. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's the other one. Oh, you... Yeah. Yeah, I think she went to get some...

She'll be back. Yeah, all right. All right. Hoisted by my own petard. Does your fiancé know the whole she'll be back joke? Does she know that one? Believe it or not, I've actually never brought it up. That's weird.

I'm constantly talking to my wife about my ex-girlfriend. I mean, she would have done better than that, but anyway. All right, so. So, thank you to Patreon subscriber. Thank you very much. First cab off the rank this week. Thank you, too. Tom McGushen.

Hey, Tom. Oh, okay. Fuck, all right. Well, now we have to talk to him. It's the guy. It's actually the guy. By the way, for people at home who don't read, like, so people, we had, like, an opening night party

where we were doing, like, registration, checking people's names off on tickets, and there were a couple of people that I saw had to read out their, no offence, fucked sounding names to us and then just saw the glint in our eyes and I could see them go, oh Christ, I'm going to get read out. And this bloke was definitely one of them. He said, surname thanks?

McGushen. He knew. He knew. So your ancestors used to gush a lot and they're from Scotland. Is that right? Is that what happened? No wonder you've got two kids if you're McGushen. I mean, if you look at that joke

technically it doesn't make any sense, but it sounds funny, so you're right to laugh. I think it makes sense. Yeah. You talk me through it, then. Okay, his cum is gushing out of... Oh, yeah. It does make sense.

Okay. Oh, sorry. You know what I mean? Sorry. And Liquid House has the most sound logic of all time, does it? No, so I've always thought gushing is a female thing. Only women know how to orgasm. Only women can gush.

I mean, I've always thought only women can gush. Sorry for my white knight here. Sorry, guys. No, no, no, no, no. Anyone can squirt if they put their mind to it. Anyone can. Yeah. What's that, sorry?

It's 24. It's 24. It's true. Thanks for the update. Are your kids in the room right now? Yeah, where are your kids? So, yeah, you are here. You've got two children here with you.

And so what's kind of the plan? Like I've seen them kind of hanging out in the pool and stuff and on Carl's webcam and on Cam's shoe camera. What? I beg your pardon? Where you were roughly before eating his plate. Oh yeah. That's where you are. That's where you are.

Are you there? That's not an answer to the question of where are your kids right now by the way. That's like the worst possible thing you could have said. That's more of a raising a new question, why are you allowed to have kids? Yeah. It's my fiancé babysitting them, what the fuck's going on? All that stuff you said didn't make sense. You're so fucked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Dude, just wait an hour and you'll be on talking dumb now. You'll be fine. Bounce back. Wait an hour. You'll be up here singing Medium Dick. It'll be good.

So wait, can I just... So the logistics of this trip are you're doing stuff, you're having wholesome kid time, family time during the day and then, what, they go nine-eyes and then you just watch the pods and party? So because Sam was here for like half the pod last time, he just... Like, they've got the option.

Hang on. So your option. Hang on. So your kids, hang on, how old's your oldest kid that's here? 16. 16. So you just go, it's 10 o'clock, it's 10 o'clock at night, go and play amongst yourselves. She's smarter than what you were. Than you were and are

Oh well thanks Thanks Tom McGushen Thanks Tom Thanks Tom Legend Oh by the way I'll tell you where McGushen would come in handy The sperm bank

Oh my god Yeah Any thoughts about that subject? I don't know Oh, by the way, I'll tell you where McGushen would come in handy. The sperm bank. Any thoughts about that subject? I don't know. I've never been to a place like that before. What's that? Canonically, that only exists in the world of the little dumb. This is like Radiohead not doing Creep. I get it. It's beneath you.

It's beneath me. How about you do my name? What have you got to say What have you got to say About my name? Well as soon as you Fucking give me some money How about you On the

Sperm Bank podcast Start reading out my name Every week Yeah start a Patreon For the Sperm Bank podcast We'll out my name every week. Yeah, start a Patreon for the Sperm Bank podcast. We'll sign up. Get onto it. We'll sponsor it.

Yeah. Yeah, it's not on Patreon, but yeah, we can try that. Do it. Well, tomorrow night

we're going to do a live one. Yeah, and you guys better be here for that. And I've gratefully accepted the job that you never offered, but I'm taking it as the booker of the Spank Bank podcast. So I've got some very big surprise guests.

Yeah. We're going to get McGushen's kids on to teach him about the birds and the bees. Good Lord. Oh, no. My phone. Thank you, thank you. Your phone just... Thanks.

By the way, big shout-out to our sponsor in the front row, Brad from the Creators of Habit Bar and Bandit. Made this whole thing possible. Not too loud, he hasn't paid us yet. I've offered the money. We'll figure it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you should have done it by now.

But anyway. Calm on, Matt. He just picked your phone up off the ground. Yeah, you're right. Well, that's called square. That's square. All right, all right. All right.

Oh, yeah, so that's one down. However many to go. So, thank you to Patreon subscriber. This is a squeaky wheel. And I love a squeaky wheel in this world. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber. And this, I don't know what you're going to do with this. Because we've had McGush and this is upping the ante a little bit.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Kevin Ellis. Whoa. Fucking hell. Sunglasses indoors. Sunglasses indoors. He's got the little shoulder satchel thing, cross bag thing. He's got the sunglasses indoors. Sunglasses indoors. He's got the little, like, shoulder satchel thing, cross bag thing. He's got the sunglasses indoors. Are you suffering from the Cam James-itis?

Yeah, and I bought the bag because I'm losing shit and my wife told me not to. Hell yeah. Nice. Oh, he's got a cool story. That's good. Have you got the glasses on? Because you've got a bit of the choppers about you, actually. Have you got...

No, the lights are in our face, Tom. You look like the child of Chopper and Adam Sandler. Stand up and let everyone... I think that's good shit. Look at that. Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's pretty good.

That's pretty good. Are you on the edibles? Is that what's happening at the moment or not? Not edibles. Not edibles. Oh. Oh, okay. Not edibles.

Say something else. The one that goes up the, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you've seen me at the front of the shop like four times. I've seen you at the front of the shop four times today. Yeah, because that's what I'm checking on. No, are you partaking in the ganja? Are you perchance partaking, sir?

Are you smoking the... Buffalo Soldier alert. What is that? Is that a joint you're holding up? What's that? That looks like a dart. What the fuck is that? What is that? Is that a joint you're holding up? What's that? That looks like a dart. What the fuck is that? What is it?

Dude, that's a dildo, bro. That stinks like Harley Breen's ass. Where's that been? I've been very bold today. You've been bold. Okay, so you have been under the influence right now. Under the affluence. Yeah.

No, we've got to it. You've got to it. Right, okay. Right, and so your wife told you off for not having a bag. What's she going to have to say about this one? I won't talk about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the car.

In the car. You're staying here. It's a big drive. Where are you driving to? I love to drive home. Road trip. Someone, please, take my keys. Don't let me drive home from the Little Dumb Dumb Club podcast.

It's a long way to Altona. All right, well, thanks, Kevin. Well, thanks, Kevin. Thanks, L.O. L.O. L.O. Thanks, hello. Hello.

Hello. And I have, yeah, look, there are people here that might not be here anymore, so let's see. Let's see. All right, thank you very much to Patience Subscriber, ring-a-ding-ding. Here we go. Thank you, too. By the way, for the first time ever in us doing Talking Dum Dum You came up to me before this

And you presented me With a short list of like Ten names And you're like What do you think of any of these? I'm like As if I give a fuck Just surprise me

With five of the most Fucked sounding ones Sorry for being polite Thank you Edit that out Because the machine did it Wasn't me Yeah yeah yeah Sorry sorry Thank you. Edit that out because the machine did it, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, I got a contact high from Kevin James or whatever his name is.

From Chopper Madison over there. Fuck, I hope people at home enjoy this. You can do it. Chop his fucking ears off. He's back. He's back. The bone is back. I honestly felt my hard drive fire back up for that.

That was a great feeling. Yet at the same time I'm pissing on my shoes. Thank you very much. The patient subscriber third cab off the rig this week Daniel Cam. DC.

DC. There he is. DC. Been he is. DC. I've been done before. I've been done before. Have you been read out on Patreon? What was his name? No, this is

it's a special it's a special filter that we turned off this week. So other people have been read out tonight. It's just people in the room that we're extra appreciating. That's all. What are you saying awful? What does that mean? It was the same riff like it was.

What, sorry? It was pretty much the same. The same. By the way, for people at home, McGushen's still up again. McGushen's back up. McGushen is. McGushen's gone off again. We're about to find out if this is three out of three cunts off their heads.

Daniel Cam, I mean, you've already got a last name like you're off your head. All right, all right. All right. Are you off your guts tonight, Daniel Cam? A little bit. A little bit. A little bit. Just enough for this. Just enough for this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Have you been to the shops? Have you been down the street? Have you been to... First thing I did. First thing you did. What are you buying down the shops?

I bought some gummies and a vape stick. Some gummies and some vape sticks. And a vape stick. Right, right, right. Are they good? Yeah. Because I've seen the signs out the front just down the road and there's like flavours of the gummies

and the flavour down the road that I keep walking past is super glue. If anyone sees a shop that's got clag flavour, let me know because that's more my speed. Dare I ask... The what, sorry? OK, look, I... OK. Look, I hate to ask this, but...

Put your hand up if you're high right now. Oh, my God. And again... An insane chunk of the room. And again, if you're wearing sunglasses, you don't need to put your hand up. This would have been so helpful an hour ago. Yeah.

Oh, shit. Fuck, is it 9.20 or 4.20? The brain logging on. Wait, what's the actual number? 5.20. Ah, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've seen behind the curtain.

Has anyone, by the way, has anyone purchased from Weed Panda across the street? All right. Oh, yeah. Oh, this guy? Wow. You don't need to hold up the purchase. How was it?

Okay. Well, we'll save that, I guess. Sorry, we're still on Daniel Cam. So, Daniel Cam. That's like your name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's trippy. That's, again, behind the curtain, but that's why I picked it.

Oh, interesting. Interesting. Interesting. Whoa. Fuck my ass. Hang on. What did you say? Sorry?

My middle name is also James. Your middle name is James. Daniel James. What was it? Cam. Cam. So, if... Cam. Daniel James... What was his name? So if... Whoa. So it's like you're the piss and he's the shoe. It's like...

You're James Cam and he's Cam James. Yeah, that's trippy. Now I feel like I've had edibles. If I married you... Here in Thailand... Yeah. I'd be Cam James Cam. That's fucked up.

That's fucking trippy as hell, man. You'd become Cam Cam. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Or he could take your name and be Dan Bone. Yeah. Good.

Good. DB? You're married. Did your wife take your name? Believe it or not, she kept her name. Yeah, I really respect that about Kate Gaylord. Don't say her name. Well, thanks, Daniel Cam Thanks DC

Thanks Daniel James Cam Abhishek you're looking a little bored up here I gotta be honest I am pretty bored right now I could hit a bank or something I don't know It's okay we only need to do Look if you're bored

Honestly you need to get out of here We'll just cut it to two more names. Two more names. Two more names sounds good. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Adam Boyle.

That's a guy! Stand up, stand up, stand up, stand up. Four from four. Fantastic. Fucking hell. One of you called me Andy last time I called you Andy? Yeah, it's Adam Alright

Well I mean Sorry Andy, I mean it passed Adam Sorry Hamish You're welcome for the redo Maybe he was more stoned than you Back then You're welcome for the redo. That's, yeah. Maybe he was more stoned than you back then. I don't know. My first time leaving Australia.

Really? Your first time leaving Australia. Wow. That's awesome. That's an excellent answer to the question we didn't ask. No, good on you. Thanks for coming. Are you with someone or just by yourself?

No, I'm solo riding. Hell yeah, brother. Solo rider. How old are you? 30. 30. Oh, that's depressing. Actually, no, you know what? This is a good question.

We were talking about this today. What's the percentage... Put your hand up if you have been to another Koso Moe Podcast Festival. Okay. Fuck, there's a lot of newies. Put up your hands if you're a newie. Wow. And now out of that...

And now put your hand up if this is your first time leaving Australia. One person. Is it just you? Wow. Hell yeah That's so sick Andy That's awesome man Man there's so many First time

Koh Samui Podcast festival people That's fucking insane That's Man that's crazy But it also begs the question What happened to the old cunts? It's not always like this.

What does that mean? Oh, it's my gushing out. We got good ever since we got the sperm bank, yeah? Yeah. What? We got good ever since we got the sperm bank, yeah? Yeah. Say one. What?

Say, say, say. Oh, say the line. Oh, what's the line? Say something. Carl, when you... He said heaps, mate. He said heaps. Carl, when you said to me before,

should we actually do the second bit, if I'd known how many cunts in this room were baked off their gourd, I would have had a different answer. Adam Boyle, I hope you don't mind me saying this, you're chuffed off your head and you've only got one arm. So that's you using 100% of your capacity to just hit the codes.

I actually, once we started asking questions, you go put up your hand and you're using all the facilities. I felt a bit bad. Sorry, but you had to know this was coming. Again, you're like McGushin. I saw a glint in your eye when you checked

you off. You were like, these cunts are going to rinse me up there. So how's it all work over there? Were you born without the R? Carl. No, that's... Carl. Crocodile. Oh, no, he's not. Or Carl. Carl. Crocodile. See, like...

Oh, no, he's not. I was like, if that was true, why have you stayed in Australia so long? Why didn't you get the fuck out the first chance you got? That's so good. Damn. Drop bears. Drop bears. No.

Fuck, you've... This is your pick-up line, isn't it? You've done all this before. Is this the real one? No. Oh, my God. This is classic Andy. This is classic my mate Andy.

He's like the Joker. He's giving us a different backstory every time. You want to know how I lost this arm? Are we ever going to find out the real... No. No.

Because it's none of our fucking business. Thank you very much. No, that's awesome. And also because I know. Do you really? Well, Adam, you told me that you went

to see the tigers today. Yeah. How did this happen today? Yeah, it's fresh told me that you went to see the Tigers today. Yeah. All this happened today. Yeah. It's fresh. It's fresh. Cam's joking. Cam's joking.

I know the real answer. Yeah. He was massaging Harley today. Yeah. And he lost it up there. He tripped. Harley hiccuped and it went right. Yeah. Someone scared Harley and he clenched and that was it.

Oh, there he is. He's back. Is Harley back? Yeah, so is Brett. Came to return your arm? There's a full arm up your ass, Harley. That's what we've been talking about. Do you want to hear what you've got to say, Carl?

You want to hear what I've got to say? From before. From before. Remember it was really... What? From before. Oh, okay. Remember when you said to Abhishek,

I just want to hear what I have to say? Oh, that's right. That was really funny. We all had a good laugh. Because we're all high out of our minds. It's hard to keep track of all the funny things I say. Tick. Tick.

Alright, well, I've got to get... Listen, cunt, you'll be seeing the tick tomorrow night at the stand-up show. Alright, I've got to get across the street for my show at Divas Cabaret, so maybe let's just do one more. Yeah, okay. What? Oh, it's at 9.30. Starts at 9.30. There's a 9.30 and a 10.30.

I think we should all go tonight. Anyway, so. All right, let's just do one more. One more name, one more. Let's do one more. One more. You okay, Cam? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm okay.

Yeah, Cam's all right. Cam's all right. Thanks, man. He's made a miraculous recovery, hasn't he, guys? Yeah. All right, so out of the four names I've read so far, everyone's high. Let's see.

Let's see if we can go for five. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Snoop Comedy. Is that person here? Is that person here tonight? Is that person here? No, he's not here tonight. That's a shame. That's a shame.

That's a shame. Okay. Snoop Comedy's not here. I wonder what happened. No. Damn.

Must have done a no-show like Cam James before. Yeah. That's alright. He'll come back later. Maybe he'll be

back next episode. That's great. Well, thank you everyone who subscribes on patreon.com. Yes. Thank you,

everyone. Thank you, everyone, for being here. And we'll see you next time. See you, on patreon.com slash little yes thank you everyone thank you everyone for being here and we'll see you next time see you mate