The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 720 - Live! Wil Anderson, Concetta Caristo & Cameron James

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

We're finally back in Sydney for a huge live show with WIL ANDERSON, CONCETTA CARISTO and CAMERON JAMES! There's a lot going on as Tommy's been heckled, Cam's paid to come and see one of our live podcasts, Concetta's flashed a co-worker, Milan's living under a pseudonym but the absolute piece de resistance is a slice of Wil Anderson lore that Karl has unearthed. You'll never look at a piece of toast the same way again. Oh, and there's a Rad Dad. Bottoms up!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on The Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode recorded live in Sydney with guests Will Anderson, Conchita Caristo and Cameron James. If you want to support The Little Dumb Dumb Club on Patreon, you are more than welcome to do so. We would love you for it. Patreon.com slash Little Dumb Dumb Club. You get two bonus mini episodes every week with great guests. We are going to talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dum Dum. But until then, Carl, enjoy this new episode recorded live in Sydney with Will Anderson, Conchita Carusto and Cameron Jay.

Hey! Oh, my God. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Daslow. And with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Can you hear it? Oh, my God. Yes, the Harbour City. Guys, thank Chandler. Can you hear the kids? Oh, my God.

Yes, the Harbour City. Guys, thank you so much for coming out to our 6.30 show. I know most pubs close by now here in Sydney, but still, thanks for coming out, little Sydney joke. Thank you very much. Very nice to be here in a city where if the gig doesn't go well, there is a beautiful bridge to jump off. Oh, my God.

The view you get on the way down. Imagine if we killed ourselves and we made it onto a postcard. What, someone sitting there painting a new postcard as we happen to be sailing down. No, no, no, Tommy. We have photography now. Oh yeah, sorry, sorry. Gee whiz. Yeah, well we've

taken so long to set up the show that we do pre-date photography when we got into the venue. But luckily we did open up the back, we've sold so many tickets, we opened up the back curtain there to fit five people up there. So that was... And I can see five seats in the front fucking row. Fuck me.

Look how smug these pricks are up the back. Like, woo, we get a little table. Yeah, yeah. Come and sit in the fucking front row. Yeah. This row here is only being taken up by one of the guys who helped set up all the seats. So that's... Pardon?

Yeah, there's heaps of... Come on, guys. Yeah, and we've got a DJ behind us who's apparently French Moby. So that's good. There he is. Ooh la la. is. Ooh la la. What else funny things about this room can we talk about? I don't know. I mean, we used to play the Opera House. Fuck me. We're in like a gussied up strip club now. And by gussied up, I mean not. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just surprised you know who Moby

is. It's pretty current. I've been up here for a couple of days. And, you know, we talk on the show a lot. Anytime we've, like, been in Sydney or, like, had people on from Sydney. You know, the joke is that, like, Sydney's just got, like, more attitude about it. It's more hardcore up here. Really? Okay.

In terms of comedy. In terms of comedy. But I also think there is, like, a bit of a perception that it's a bit, like, more extreme up here. And I don't necessarily agree with that. But I got an Uber from the airport. And my Uber driver, he was doing one Uber from the airport, and my Uber driver, he was doing one of my favourite Uber driver moves where the entire drive,

he was complaining about the Uber app. Like, just the whole drive, he's going, fucking cunt of a thing. Doesn't fucking work properly. It's sending you down the wrong fucking... Why is it telling me to go this fucking way? This app, it's fucked, mate.

It's completely fucked. They need to fix it. They're never going to. They're all cunts in there at Uber. It's, why is it telling me to go this fucking way? This app, it's fucked, mate. It's completely fucked. They need to fix it. They're never going to. They're all cunts in there at Uber. It's completely fucked. And then I had to turn to him and go, you're driving on the wrong side of the road. It's like, he's saying all this,

going the wrong way up a one-way street. It's completely fucked, mate. It's telling me to go the other way. It doesn't know what it's fucking on about. Great. I, last night I met, we haven't had time to talk to people. And know feel free to hang out after the show we'll have a chat and all that sort of stuff but last night someone um i saw someone at a gig and they come

up and they go are you carl chandler and i was like well well it must be nice so uh uh and he goes and i go oh yeah man and he goes man i just want to say um i used to listen to the pod and got me through lockdown. It got me through some really bad stuff in my personal life and it gave me something to listen to and look forward to every Wednesday. It really got me through some really dark times and I really want to thank you. And I was like, the phrase that stuck with me is used to listen.

Got rid of some mental problems of yours and gave me some. I get the sense that that is pretty common, that this gets people through some dark times and then they're better and they listen to it again and they're like, I can't believe this used to help me. How bad was I that this made me feel better? Yeah, yeah, these cunts have got fucking nothing going on. I feel better, fix, undownload.

Well, I was at a gig last night. I did a spot at the comedy store and mid-set I got, I think, the best heckle I've ever had or heard ever. After a bit, someone went, obvious. It's pretty hard to argue with. All right. Can we hear what the obvious bit is? Yeah, the joke was, it's an old joke where I say, a friend recently described me as looking like a cross between a pedophile

and one of his victims. Well, see, that adds a lot more to the heckle. That's beautiful now. So it's like just the idea that he's, as I've walked out in his head, he's gone, this man looks like a cross between a pedophile and one of his victims. When the fuck is he going to bring this up? Well, this guy was a kid who got fiddled by you a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the worst thing about it was he said it when I'd already moved on and so I was like, sorry, what was that? And I had to get him to repeat it. So I handed him the gun to shoot me with. Like a real pedophile. Yeah, like a real victim of pedophilia and also pedophile. So, yeah, it's not bad. I'd rather get obvious than from before, honestly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. That's good, obvious. Did anyone else react or was that it? It was just one comedy critic there and that was it? Yeah, that was it, basically. Yeah, and then I just kept calling back to him after every bit after that.

I was just like, obvious enough for you? Oh, great. That's good. I like that. These guys didn't, but I liked it. It was good. It was just like, obvious enough for you. Oh, great. That's good. I like that. These guys didn't, but I liked it. It was good. That's good. I think we've interrupted these people's bedtime. Oh, from before. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you get it. It's just obvious. It's obvious that I would have been heckled. Yeah. Should we get some guests out here? Sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, folks, please welcome back into the Yeah. Should we get some guests out here? Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, folks, please welcome back into the Dundon Club, Will Anderson, Cameron James and Concetta Caristo. Hooray! Hooray. Hooray indeed hooray indeed. Hi. Wow. Hey, I don't know if this is too obvious to say, Tommy, but you look a little bit like... Yeah.

Go on. Yeah. Someone who touched you 25 years ago. Someone who had sex with me and brought me to orgasm 25 years ago. I look like a cross between Norman Gunston and Dame Edna. Is that what you're trying to say? Yeah. Is that too obvious to say?

Cam James, hey, good to have you here in Sydney on a live podcast. The last time you were in a live podcast of the Little Dum Dum Club, you paid to get in about 12 years ago, is that right? Yeah. Not in Sydney. That was in Melbourne. years ago, is that right? Yeah. Not in Sydney. That was in Melbourne. Oh, was it? Oh, no.

I did come to a Sydney one as well at the Comedy Store. That's right. Yes, I did. And it was great. I also saw Eddie Ift's podcast there. Remember that guy? Yeah. A lot of fans in here tonight, obviously.

Man, what a line-up. We have the current Triple J breakfast host. We have an ex-Triple J breakfast host. And we have a man who had way too many Triple Js at breakfast in Koh Samui.

Wow. Yeah, I was pretty busy on the plane Coming up here tonight Obvious Anyway Sorry Conchita Why?

Why? What? Hey did I ever tell you that I'm so sorry I've said this story before But I used to work At your shows When you did Giant Dwarf

And they were like All hands on deck Type your live podcast Have I said that? and they were like all hands on deck type, your live podcast? Have I said that? Maybe, but what does all hands on deck mean? Okay, so I used to work at Giant Dwarf, this like big comedy theatre and you know, it has all different types of shows

like cabaret, comedy, whatever. And then I remember when I was working there, they had a little dum-dum club live podcast and it was like fully booked out, like hundreds of... I like how you pronounce that like it's the first time you've ever heard of this podcast. You're on it right now.

I know, and I can't believe it. What a Phil Circle moment. But what I'm saying is what they would say is they're like, these nights are big, get ready. It's a bunch of scallywags like you people. Be truthful. What did they say? Not scallywags.

Yeah, they said cunts. I get it. No, the big point is like every time after it was done, they would go so loud and like big and crazy. And then when we would have to clean up, they'd be like vomit on the floor. I'd go into the bathroom. There'd be like bottles of wine stuffed behind the toilet.

Like, you know, they were crazy. And that was the women's toilet. So I can't even speak to the men's. It would have been like shit up the walls or something. I can't believe there was women at the gig. So true. That venue's not there anymore and I think we might have something to do with that.

We genuinely have, thanks to you idiots, we have house records at several pubs around the world. When we did London shows, they ran out of beer. They ran out of fucking beer. You know what I love the most is when Cam came up here

at the start you were like making fun of him you were like ooh last time you were here you were in the audience of this show and what we found out so far is someone who was in the audience

and someone who was working at your show are both more successful than your show if you look at it that way that's not very fun. If you're going to point out people more successful than us, it's going to be a long night, all right?

Yeah. You can pick at half the audience. I think it's nice to have that kind of effect on people, you know? Yeah, yeah. You know, you are really inspiring people to go, I could do this better. I'm at rock bottom. I need to take care of my mental health and stop listening to this better. I'm at rock bottom. I need to take care of my mental health and stop

listening to this. Real star makers. When you put it that way, why did we come up here to do this? We got on a plane to fucking do this. Jesus Christ. But yeah, that is, so was there,

what was the fallout from like the next day after those live shows? Was everyone that worked at the theatre just shell-shocked and like putting in for their leave? Like I need a mental health day after having to quit the little dum-dum club audience last night. What is better, being on this show or cleaning up spew out of the dunny from the show? I'm going to clean up the toilets after this. I just like to do that for fun. No, obviously doing it so fun.

I just think it's so funny that like you had like a reputation but like of like fun, crazy kind of nights. Rock and roll podcast. You had the mop out, mopping up vomit. You were looking at Carl up on stage and thinking, I'm going to have a sex dream about that man one day. Oh my God, I keep forgetting about that. How do you forget about it?

I'll never forget about you. It's all I think about. Anytime I turn the radio on and you're on, I'm like, that woman had a sex dream about Carl Chandler. It shouldn't be that out of the realm. I've even had sex in real life, okay? Yeah, I've got a request for you, Conchetta. Talk about the sex dream again.

There are many places within walking distance where there is a mop on premises. When I'm around Carl, I need a mop on premises. Did we talk about this previously? Yeah. No, I know. What happened in the dream? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did we actually talk about know what happened in the dream yeah yeah yeah

did we actually talk about what actually happened in the dream I honestly can't remember I truly can't remember I assume it's you like

what positions compare them to the dreams you've had about me Cam okay so you on top reverse cowgirl reverse cowgirl.

Reverse. You won't even face me while we're doing it? Oh, my God. That's the best part. Hey, you're the one that had a dream about me. Carl's watching a Koh Samui. Oh, yeah. Koh Samui live stream.

That would be good. While there's a live stream happening over the phone. Conchita, your partner is in the green room listening to this show. Does he know about this previously? Yeah, yeah, because to me, like, if I have a sex dream about anyone that isn't in, I'm telling him. Right. Because I'm like, that's what a good relationship is. But what that meant is that, like, every day I'd be waking up, turning over,

being like, I just had a dream about your friend Slant. Oh, my God. Thinking that's, like, a good – and he's like, no, I think we can chill on the dream. So this morning I was in Tamworth and yeah. I believe the term is clang.

Country music capital of Australia. And now you're in the cunt capital of Australia. So I'm in the cunt capital of Australia so I'm in the street this morning and a couple of people who came to my show last night come up and she

they're married this couple but she comes up to show me a photo of like 30 years ago at the basement in Sydney where I got her up on stage

because she had a t-shirt that said Will Will You Fuck Me no and so she has this photo of me with her on stage. She's here with her husband. They've both been... Tonight?

No, in Tamworth. Oh, damn. She's coming to everything. If they're here tonight, they'd better get fucked, yeah. They've driven from Armidale to come and see the show in Tamworth because she's still got a crush on me all these years later. And so she's telling me this with her poor husband just standing there in the street.

And then she's like, the other night I had a dream about you. Oh, my God. Looking at this poor dude. And then she just looks at him and she's like, oh, yeah, but then I had a sex dream about him. And I was like, he doesn't have a sex dream. Thanks, babe. And it was way better.

It was way better. Yeah. How do you know he's not like wants to be a cuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could just be a cuck. Yeah. Do you reckon you could do it with another man in the room watching? Do you reckon you could?

Right now? That's a great. With many men? I mean, that's a great T-shirt in the front row. Someone wearing a shirt that says, Will, will you fuck my wife? I mean, that's a man you're having to get up on stage to get to the bottom of what's going on.

That new show, Farmer, wants someone to fuck his wife. Country cuck. That's good. That's good. Yes. Thank you This has legs This has legs There we go

Cuck sandwich Cuck sandwich Yes Can I tell a really bad story about you Will? And we can edit it out It's fine What a question Yes

Oh my god No it's not really bad But you never give anything out about your personal life Like I You really could have You could have life. You really could have cushioned this. You could have cushioned this a lot more. No, no, no. His own free will.

He can say yes or no. Do you guys want to hear this story? I think we need active consent from Will. I'm saying. Remember I'm a Patreon subscriber. I'm technically your boss. I feel like I'm a Patreon subscriber. I'm technically your boss. Yeah, yes.

I feel like I'm a cuck watching my wife get fucked right now. It's titillating. We can edit it out and it's fine. It's actually a fine story, but it's so... It was such a good listen because I just never hear anything about you. You never give out anything about yourself. Okay. Can we do it? Can we do it? I just never hear anything about you. You never give out anything about yourself. Okay. Can we do it?

Can we do it? I don't know what it is. How can I give you consent? Can we have an intermission and we'll go backstage and we'll talk about it? What if you whisper? Yeah, it's listening. Yeah, whisper it to him. And we can talk about something else.

Give him a word at a time so we can shut it down if he's not into it. Okay, okay. Well, maybe, I mean, look, you mightn't remember it, and you can guess the ending. No, because it's a story from a long, long, long time ago. Oh, okay, right, right, right. Can we do this? That's the grimace of someone who's like, fuck, which story?

Like, there's a lot. All right, here's the story. Someone was saying this. They said, do you want to hear an old story about Will Anderson? I'm like, absolutely. And they said, oh, I used to live in a share house. And it was this big share house, like eight people. It was like London style in Sydney.

And one time, Will Anderson came home with someone. And we were like, oh, wow, someone off the TV. This is really cool. And then in the morning, they got up and you were both making toast together or whatever. Hang on, let's not skip the night. Let's find out what happened. No, no. Don't worry.

There's some Pulp Fiction shit happening. We're going back. Oh, okay. So it's not a chronological story. The whole story is not Will made toast with someone, all right? Give me a little bit of credit. There's more to come. I know I do one-liners, but I can tell a tale as well.

Okay, all right. Let's do it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is trippy. There's more.

There's more. It's early on in the show to get rid of your best guest. Actually, I've changed my mind. That is the story. We'll make toast. We'll make toast. Pretty cool. What do you think, guys?

Imagine a big star making toast. Wow. They're just like us. Yeah. So he was making toast with you and that was it. Then he goes to work. Then he comes back that night and then he says to the person involved, oh, wow, Will Anderson, you're off TV and stuff like that. Well, you know, we all know him.

What, if I may ask, what was it like? Can I continue? Sure. I don't know why you would have thought this would be an inappropriate story to tell. Go on, I don't even know where to go. I'm stressed and I don't know the story. And I'm not you. I don't remember either.

Can I go? Go on. Alright. So this guy said, what was it like? And the person involved said, he had his tongue in my arsehole for two hours. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then he fell asleep because how boring.

How boring would that be? So Will really is the best guest. Good on you, Will. Wow. In hindsight, am I allowed to tell that story? No. I wish I remembered that story. That sounds okay to me.

I must be nice. Yeah. You eat someone's arsehole for two hours and you don't even remember it? That would be the only story I have in my fucking life. Well, that might have been the same year he got the Maxi Bon ad so that would have really like

edged it out well speaking of things that taste like arsehole crunchy end or biscuit end what do I want to go for

definitely chocolate end it just seems unlikely that that's true oh really two hours is a long time that's true. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean... Two hours is a long time. It's a long time.

No matter how much you love the product, it's a long fucking time. Mate, I could podcast for two hours. I'm not sure I could. I could talk shit for two hours. You couldn't talk into shit for two hours. So untrue, you're saying untrue. No, I'm not saying untrue.

I've done a lot of shit. No, you know, whatever. That actually doesn't reflect that badly on me. I'm fine with that. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's fine. But I'm like, I never see behind the curtain of Will Anderson. And the one time I do, it's that.

I mean, I could tell you some better shit than that. Yeah. I mean I can tell you some better shit than that yeah I mean yeah we're all here let's do it let's do it man I mean I'm giving you consent to hear about it so

I reckon after this getting out there'll be a few new t-shirts that you'll see around Will Will will you put your tongue in my mouth

for two hours for two hours for 120 minutes two hours minimum For two hours. For 120 minutes. Two hours minimum. I've got to say, what a stallion. I mean, I do think more of you for that. That's a long time. I really think these kinds of things are beautiful

where it's like this person, it's like clearly their go-to party story and you like no memory. I love a bit of that. Amazing. It's the madman meme. I think about you tongue in my ass all the time. I don't bit of that. Amazing. It's the madman meme. I think about you tongue in my arse all the time. I don't think of you ever.

I mean, honestly, I wish I did remember. It feels like that would be a fun story from my life. I honestly, like about halfway through that, I was like, where could this go? Because I was like, it could go heaps of places. It explains the start of the story where you're like, God, I've got to wash the taste of arsehole out of my mouth.

Let's make some toast. Veggie mornin'? Oh, no thanks. Nutella? Again, still two. Got any jam? They say when some people smell burning toast, they're having a stroke,

but for me it has a whole different... Man, I might have a stroke after this, actually. I mean, is this what happened in our dream? Wow. What a fucking weird story for you to remember, by the way. Not remember, literally someone told me it last night. Whoa! It was like

just like a random person from back in the archive that story is recently being told yes

it's still in circulation yeah yeah you hold on to a story like that if a famous person ate my arsehole

I would be telling it on my deathbed honestly if any famous people listen to this podcast absolutely join the queue.

Get in. It's funny to think that there'll be someone out there who's got the same story but it's about like Rodney Rood or something. Rodney Rood

ate my ass for two hours. That's actually how he got his name. He was Rodney Polite before he... He didn't even ask to do it. He just kind of jumped in. Oh, a before he... He didn't even ask to do it. He just kind of jumped in. Oh, a bit rude.

He didn't mean it. He was doing radio cunnilingus. And then he pivoted. Well, I never. They should call you Rodney Uncouth after what you did last night. Rodney, where are your manners? Rodney Boorish. So the person who told you was like the housemate of the person.

So it's not even the girl running around. No, no, no. No, that's his story. I know someone who got their arse eaten now. Yeah, I happened to be in the kitchen. I was in the right place at the right time. I was sniffing his breath after it happened. Fucking hell.

So hang on, was I there making toast as well? Yes. Hang on, was this a part of the story that you think you'd remember making toast? I just don't feel... I'd never forget a toast I made, an arsehole maybe not. I'm famously a crumpet man. Well, he was until he discovered the brown

muffin. Sorry. No, what I'm, I mean it would have been unlikely that back in those days if I had gone home with somebody and got up to that business that I would have been like you know what I should do? Sleep in, get up and make some money.

Yeah, hang around. That's the bit of the story that I find funny and funny most times. Okay. Well now I love the idea that someone is making up a story as their claim to fame that one time

Will Anderson ate my arsehole out. You can make up whatever story you want. Mate, there was a nightclub in Melbourne where a friend of mine said I went into the toilets at this nightclub

and the graffiti said Will Anderson has a huge hairy dick. Oh! And, like, I was like, there was part of me that was, like, hairy, but then I was like, you know what, leave it up. You're in there and you're only scrubbing off the hairy dick, leaving all the rest of it.

Yeah, right. Wow. I guess the nightclub toilet wall graffiti is, like, the podcast of its day, isn't it? Wow, yeah. I mean, you don't have to put a citation. You know what I mean? You just basically write anything.

You can write anything about anyone on a toilet wall if you really want. That's very deep, Tommy. Thank you. Thank you. Getting into philosophy. Thelmosophy. Wow. All right.

Look, I reckon the sex part is true, but the toast part's made up. That is unbelievable. My housemate has been telling the story and then someone's been like, and how do you factor into this? He's like, oh, I made toast with him the next day. Yeah. If the housemate has made the whole thing up, not even the person it happened to, just this guy made up a story where he got told this.

He never even got told it, but he's just invented it to sound cool. That's incredible. It's like it nearly, they just made it up. It's like it nearly was Flacco eating them out. It was that, it was only five degrees off that happening. I would say in order of likelihood,

the fact that it happened possibly, okay, I'm willing to admit that, you know, there's a chance that it would have happened. Two hours, that just seems... That seems like that's an exaggeration in the story that has grown in legend. For sure. Maybe when it was first told, it was like half an hour,

which even still would be worth commenting upon. But over the years, as the story's grown, it's gone more and more hours. If you ever ate out my arsehole for an hour and a half, I'm rounding it up to two hours, not one hour, for sure. Absolutely. You reckon it's just every time the guy's told the story,

he's put a little bit more mayo on it, so it's like the next time he hears the story... Well, it's not mayo, but... Regretted that choice of word as soon as it was coming out of the door. More of an HP source. The toast makes no sense. The toast is the bit of the day that I cannot get my head around. You're crazy.

That's a detail he's thrown in to make it seem like a more real story. It's humanising. You're right, that involves him in the story. Because it's alright to say, my flatmate got her arse eaten out by Will Anderson, but to make it something to do with him, it's like, then me and Will had toast yeah

but also to be like oh this guy ate ass for two hours it like makes you seem like superhuman but then to be like then he was eating toast afterwards

it's like guys just like us that could be me he ate toast for only five minutes even the idea that if you did that for two hours

there's going to be a level of sort of like soreness and sensitivity in your jaw and mouth oh yeah you wouldn't be going hours, there's going to be a level of sort of like soreness and sensitivity in your jaw and mouth. Oh yeah. You wouldn't be going, oh toast. Yeah. Cereal. It's way too rough. What's the perfect meal to eat after eating someone's

asshole for two hours? Jelly. What? Dirty muesli, a lovely acai bowl. Anyway, welcome to Dumb Dumb Mythbusters. I think that's a really fair question. Thank you so much. What's your answer?

Some jelly, some aeroplane jelly. Yeah, jelly or custard or ice cream. Custard. Well, hang on, hang on. You deserve a treat. Ice cream. But then that becomes a much weirder story, having ice cream in the morning with Will Anderson.

Oh, you might be having a MaxiBond with Will Anderson. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. No, you don't need a treat after eating someone's asshole. If you're eating asshole, that's the treat. No, no, it's not. You're not doing it if you don't want to do it. That's the main course and then you have dessert afterwards.

That's how I was raised. That's how Dad did it and his dad before him. You can't have your custard until you've eaten all your assholes. There's starving kids in Africa. They'd love an assholesehole to eat. They'd walk miles and put an arsehole on top of their head. Just have a little lick of it.

If I come in here and there's any arsehole left on your plate Stop being such an ungrateful little bone. Your mum slayed for hours over that arsehole. What do you call this love? Backing your arse off.

Here comes the airplane. That's more of a blimp. Will, do you hope people walk away from this live pod saying that you ate arsehole for two hours or that you don't eat toast? What do you think? I eat toast, but I separate it like separation of church and state. I'm happy for both of those to be out there.

Like I am like... Oh, you're happy for it to be out there, the rumour that you like toast. You're okay with that? No, no, no. You know what? Like it was a long time ago. Like I'm a sexually liberated person.

I don't want it like... Like it's fine. And you know what? Again, as usual, me just, you know, putting my pleasure aside for the pleasure of other people. It's very on brand for me.

That's like you bring yourself down to be on this podcast. It's essentially what I do to you guys. I come in here, I rim you a little, give you some comfort. Yeah, you make us feel good, you walk out with a bad taste in your mouth. That makes sense. That makes sense. But I've done a lot of these podcasts, and not once have we ever eaten toaster.

So you keep the toast and the arsehole separate. Separate. I do it like soldiers. Dip them in? Dip them in, yeah. I mean, it is fun to dip. Reminds you of your childhood. It does, it does.

Yeah, I hadn't thought of it like that. I often like to just balance like a boiled egg and like... I like to crack the arsehole with a spoon. I would be so happy to keep doing this all night. I know, I know. It's just a world of possibilities. It's like, where do you go from here? So let's keep going on this thing.

Yeah. I mean, you're the equivalent now, here? So let's keep going on this thing. Yeah. I mean, you're the equivalent now, Conchette, because you're on Triple J Breakfast. You're a celebrity now. That's me. I'm dining out on the story that you rooted me in a dream once for the next 20 years. That's what I'm doing.

That's my story. Yeah. And in the dream, you ate my arsehole. And then you ate crumpets the next day. Great. Crumpets. A few. Great. Crumpets. A few Pop-Tarts. Hey, a friend of the show, Milan, is here tonight.

Yes. And that is all the people he bought drinks for already tonight, so that's good of you to cheer. No, he actually said he's already done shots with a bunch of you guys. Fucking hell. What I love is, and we've talked a lot of times on the show about this, is that me and Milan and a bunch of you guys fucking now um what i love is and we've talked a lot of times on the show about this is that me and milan and a bunch of comedians uh have a real habit of going to rock pool the restaurant rock pool you guys have heard about when we talked about that right

very nice very nice restaurant um and we talked about for years and years but we haven't been for fucking ages because i don't know i think we may i think i may have mentioned this story before but we went there once and we had been really heavily day drinking and we yeah so i've told this story before but we went there once and we had been really heavily day drinking and we yeah so i've told this story so very briefly um we were so out of control i asked to be moved because we're sitting next to children and and um we got put in a private room and as the door was being closed like milan and some other comics brett blake uh some other people are so out of control, like, they didn't even know

we were being moved for, like, the fact that we were being so abusive and so loud and saying so many C-bombs and stuff in front of children. They're just like, oh,

these fucking guys have fucking upgraded us and put us in a private room and as they close the door, like, Milan's yelled out, thanks, cunt,

and they're like, they're like, then they come back and they go, we just did you a favour, can you just just calm down and everyone's like okay whatever so then what we found out was Milan

that we then went to Rockpool a couple of months later and whatever and then he goes in there and goes under his name and says oh booking for Milan at Krentjevic and they go cool no worries, oh there's a big red dot here it's like are you going to be And they go, cool, no worries. Oh, there's a big red dot here.

It's like, are you going to be nice tonight, Mr. Krenchevich? And he's like, what do you mean? He's like, there's been like a full fucking written report about it, like our behaviour from that night. And this is like Perth Rockpool. This is like back in Melbourne Rockpool. So they've been talking interstate. Nationwide. Yeah. Internal system. Yeah, yeah. there's been a big red flag go up on his name so then he's like oh fuck this you know I've been

there so many times over the years I can't believe they're treating me like this and I'm like you actually don't remember what you did that night by the way it's like completely fair behavior so he's like so Milan goes like ages without going there is like fuck I really need to go back there so he couldn't make the booking because he was flagged on the system? No, they just grilled him. So then Milan's like, well, fuck this place. I'm not even coming in for a steak.

I've spent so much money in here. I'm not coming back if they're going to treat me like that. No, he's right. It's woke gone mad. Yeah. If you spend money at a place, you have the right to call them cunts. Absolutely. Fucking asshole, Milan. Yeah, absolutely. Such a piece ofunts. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. Fucking asshole, Milan.

Yeah. Absolutely. Such a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, in Milan's defence, he doesn't remember saying any of the things he said. So, no wonder he had such umbrage. But then what I love is that he went like a year or something without going in there and going, fuck those people.

You know, I'm not going back there if I'm not red flagged on there. Okay. So then he went back there but like booked under a different name so then he's now going back there but now when he goes in there they're like what's your name sir and he goes Milan they go surname he goes my name is Milan Bounty he had to change his name to go back to a restaurant it's a bit of a hopsing situation also why not change your first name Milan? Milan is so unique.

That's a recognisable name. Yeah, you can be anyone. That's a good point. Venice. Yep. Oh, right, Venice. I was thinking Milan, Venice. What does that mean?

Okay, right, okay. Venice is the first name. Sorry? Florence. Florence. There's a few. You're right, there are many cities

in the world. We could keep going. There's heaps of words right There are many cities in the world Rome We could keep going Naples Yeah Sydney So where did bounty come from as a last name? It's your work email

Oh well I wouldn't have given that away I was going to mention that Milan But anyway If you want to say that That's fine I've been banned from this establishment. What's your name, sir? Tommy Gmail.

Gmail. Table for one, you cunt. I mean, Mr Waiter. I didn't know that was your email. I just literally thought you were like, what's a fucking... Like, you were so close. All right.

I just thought you were so close to saying, my name is Milan Snickers. Please let me in. Yeah, is the counter of Rockpool at the counter at a service station where you just, uh, Milan M&M's? Milan Vape. Steak.

Milan Ansel, extra small, yes. Milan vape Milan and cell Extra small Yes How many times Have you used Milan bounty Since then As a pseudonym And it's worked And it's worked Well yeah

I mean They don't know Yeah Of course You're not really like Doing some heist shit It's not Ocean's Eleven

Yeah yeah You're not cracking a safe You're not really doing some heist shit. It's not Ocean's Eleven. You're not cracking a safe, you're eating a steak. You're spending $200. It's a huge call for the person doing the door at a restaurant to be like, I don't think that's your name. That's a real name. I'm taking back your garlic bread. You're in here under false pretenses.

Where's your passport? Oh, wake up, cunts. No, they're just all having a problem, the same problem I have with that premise, which is it's absolutely fine for them to ask who you are at a fucking restaurant because often you're paying with cards, you need to provide ID. That is a legal thing they can... Like, you're like,

I imagine if they asked for your proper name and identification that's what they fucking do yes, right, about half well thank you for fact checking my comic premise well I didn't know it was a comic premise because no one laughed I thought you just said a thing that was wrong.

Hey, I mean this with all love, but eat my arse off. We don't have two hours. Finally, this cunt said something funny. Something that makes sense. This is another episode where the people on stage are having more fun than the people out there. Oh, you're happy for us. Okay, cool. They're having fun.

They're having fun. Conchette, are you telling me off stage that you had an awkward run-in with a colleague? Yeah, okay. Well, well, like, you know, King of the assholes, King of Triple J. King of the assholes? In that order? I don't know if you understand. You know what? I've got to be honest with you. like, you know, King of the Arseholes, King of Triple J. King of the Arseholes.

In that order. I don't know if you... You know what, I've got to be honest with you. I'm leaning into it now. That's good. The more I hear it, the more I'm like, yeah, no, that happened.

You're right. I'm going to go home and give my wife a really good story. That's what I'm going to do. Looking forward to next year's show, Will. Will eat arse for food. Yes! Yes! Yes!

That's good. And it's a two-hour show. B.Y.O. Toast. Oh, yeah, that'd be good if you did it at 5am and finished at 7, just in time for breakfast. That'd be good. That'd be good. Sorry, Conchita. It'd be good if you did it at 5am and finished at 7, just in time for breakfast. That'd be good. That'd be good. Oh, you're all right.

Okay. Sorry, Conchita. No, don't be sorry. You'll be jealous, Carl. Sorry. Oh, okay, great. Does anyone know Dave Woodhead, the lunch presenter on Triple J? Yeah.

Yeah, well, you know, if you're a comedy fan, he's a comedian and he's my friend. And then when I got the job at Triple J and I'm learning, it was over summer and I was training by myself or whatever. He like my main friend in there and he was on air once like in the studio and I came in and you know we're like hanging out and I'm like oh how's it going and he was like yeah how are you and I'm like oh my god it's summer by the way and I'm like oh my god it's so good such a hot day guess where I'm going I'm going straight to the beach after this and then I lifted my shirt up to show him um that I had bikini on underneath. Oh, actually I didn't lift my shirt up. I went like this and pulled my top

aside and my whole tit was out. You are right to tell that story to these people. Oh yeah, when you do it, it's a funny story. When Louis C.K. does it. To be fair, he didn't get his tits out at a pot plant. Did you squirt your tit milk into a pot plant? I think every girl has tit milk.

Ready to go at a moment's notice. That promised to work. Did you hear about Conchetta with this guy she went home with? She fed him tit milk for two hours. She squirted tit milk up his ass for two hours. It was amazing. What did we eat the next day? A gazpacho.

And I'm like, I don't know. Gazpacho. And then afterwards he ate yogurt, which was her old tit milk that went off. Oh, God. Oh, sorry. That's too far. That is too far. Sorry for telling something yucky on this show.

Come on. Will's the only bottom feeder on this stage, okay? That's awesome. And did he, like, did he make eye contact with it? Or did he look? Was he a gentleman? Did he look away? He immediately orgasmed.

Oh, that was the secret sound, right? That's what it said. Did he make eye contact with the boob? That implies that her boob has an eye. Well, the areola, you know. It's eye. It's not not an eye. Before that moment, he was Dave Softhead.

There we go. Hell yeah. I mean, so I didn't want it. It felt weird. Before that moment, he was Dave Softhead. But don't you like his mind? Hell yeah. I mean, so I like didn't want to, like it felt weird. Like I wanted to talk about it on the radio. I'm like, no, no, no, that's crazy. So I wouldn't tell many people. I tried doing it at gigs. But if you don't really know the scene, it's like too much.

And then blah, blah, blah. And then the one time I told it was at like a live show. And we were like debating whether, you know, I'm fucked up or something or whatever. And I was saying like, don't you think two-tit sexual, one-tit funny? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's funny. Totally. Totally.

It would be so funny if you did it right now. I'd piss my pants laughing. And it would be the thickest, whitest piss you've ever seen. Imagine that's the finale. Conchita gets it out. You jerk off. I bend over. Will eats my ass.

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for coming. Oh, sorry, Chad. That's how Cirque du Soleil dumb-dumb that we put together. All this stuff's just happening at once. And then you're just cuck-style jerking off in the corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little cuck-cuck club. No, I think you're just cuck style jerking off in the corner. Cuck, cuck club.

No, I think you're right. I think one boob is funny. It's so funny, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about one nut then? Is one nut funny? I think one nut's funny. What do we think?

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. Two nuts, horny, right? Too horny. Yeah, one nut's funny except for Nick Capper. It was right there.

It was right there. I heard a story yesterday about a person that I'd never heard this story before. He's like a real old school Australian comedian. And he always wanted to be booked for the festival club line up during the Melbourne Comedy Festival the like late night show that's at Max Watts and they'd like never had him on

in all his years of doing comedy and they finally booked him and this is a while ago they gave him a Wednesday night and he was sort of angry

which is not great that's not yeah yeah he was like angry at only getting to do the Wednesday night and it had taken him so long to get this recognition

so he goes and does the gig and he does the whole gig with one nut hanging out of his jeans as as as protests

of like I'll show these cunts so the zip was down I don't maybe like he had a rip in the jeans I don't know like there's something

about Mary style yeah I think so I think so that's great revenge to go out to do the gig you really want to do and then go really badly because everyone's going, why is that guy's nut hanging out? Like that would not make you go well. Never get booked again and now they've got an actual reason.

I fucking showed them. I got up there and I spoke truth to power. Okay, so I guess that proves one nut not funny, right? Or is it still funny in a way? Because two's funny. Two maybe is funny. Wow, okay. I mean, that's why the woman from Total Recall is the perfect woman.

Because you get sexy and then funny as well. Yeah, you can just look at one. You get both. Oh, but she had three. She's got three. No, but you've got two there for sexy, so you get to look at that. But then you've also got a bonus one for funny. So you're covering all your bases. One's funny, two's not funny, and then three gets funny again.

The rule of three. Yeah, sure. Sure. Would I crush harder if one tit was out or not? Don't ask them. Don't ask them. God, what's wrong with you? Didn't you learn from the giant dwarf what sort of fucking people these are?

Yeah, I clean out the bathroom. There's a bunch of condoms full of cum or something. Condoms? These people use condoms. That's cool. Wow. I thought we had a bunch of raw doggers, but okay. La-di-da.

It's so funny to come to a live comedy podcast full of condoms in your pocket? Yeah. Jacking off in a condom in the toilet. Well, look, we probably won't need them, but there might be a story during the show about eating ass for two hours. If that happens, I'm not going to be able to control myself.

Yeah, that's Will saying, I need protection. I want to wrap this condom around your asshole before I eat it. Conchita, I love how, then when you were saying with that story, like when it happened, you were like, oh, you know, I can't really tell it on radio. And then cut to before the show me saying, oh, have you got any like funny stories or anything? You're like, I showed Dave Woodhead my tits once.

I knew this was a safe space for a story like that. This is where stuff like that should live. Yeah, yeah, you're right. These people are like one should live. Yeah, yeah, you're right. These people are like one tit, amateur. Yeah. Alright, should we do this other thing, Tommy? We've talked about

I just want to ask you a question. Oh, thank God. Because we've talked about one tit being funny, two tits being sexy. What about penis? Like, is dick funny?

Or no? How many dicks are funny? Is one dick funny? What? Wait, can you set up the scene? Like, what are we talking about? Oh, yeah, yeah. Can you set up the scene?

Are you just saying, like, if we did this podcast and each one of your cocks was out, would it be funnier? Is that the scenario? How many of us have to take our pants off for it to be funny? To get a laugh. Yeah, how many? No, no. You know what would make a cock funny? Two googly eyes. Okay. That would be funny. To get a laugh. Yeah. How many? No, no. You know what would make a cock funny?

Two googly eyes. Okay. That would be funny. That is funny. I don't know. The guy with two dicks is pretty funny. Hang on. Also, do you...

He is. There's a guy with... There's a guy with two dicks. You're not thinking of the actor Alan Tudyk, are you? Yeah, sorry, I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Is that a real thing?

Yeah, the guy with two dicks. No, the actor Alan Tudyk. Yeah, both of those are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a real thing? Yeah, the guy with two dicks. No, the actor Alan Tudyk. Both of those are real things. Oh, real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two real things. No, dicks are actually so funny. They are so funny.

They're so pathetic. No, wait. Hang on, hang on. Just like when they're... You know, I'm pretty sure I've done the thing where you just pretend it's like a flute and you go... You know, that's funny

and your boyfriend's here how was the flute? how was the flute playing? come on pretty funny pretty funny right you know my problem

with that is that is not how you play a flute someone who played flute in high school I found that you hold it to the side yeah that's right

firstly well you know I mean you've been playing that's right Well You know I mean You've been playing That dirty tuber a lot I heard Dirty tuber That is pretty good

That is good Dirty tuber That's pretty good Jesus Christ That should kill in Sydney Dirty tuber That's like. Dirty tuber. That's ridiculous. Jesus Christ. That should kill in Sydney. Dirty tuber. That's like a perfect Sydney joke.

Are you guys from here? Are you guys from around here? Maybe you should get your hearing checked. They're having a good time. Okay. It feels like they're having a great time. Okay, that's good. That's good.

I am having problems with my hearing a little bit. Are you? I'm getting on. Yeah. I'm getting on. I know I don't look it, but I'm getting on I'm getting on I know I don't look it but I'm getting on you know shut up cunt you won me back before

now you're on the bad list again what? cool keep chipping in they should have a red dot next to their names next show them he should have a red dot

on his forehead here we go and that's not a race joke yeah for everyone at home yeah He should have a red dot next to their names. He should have a red dot on his forehead. There we go. And that's not a race joke. Yeah. For everyone at home. That's a sniper joke. Let's make that clear.

That's a sniper joke. It's not. For everyone listening who doesn't know what this guy looks like. Oh, yeah. They get this far and go, hang on, this is offensive. And if it was a brown dot, watch out. Yeah. Yeah. Because Will's coming. Will's coming. and if it was a brown dot watch out yeah yeah because Will's coming

Will's Will's coming Will's going to eat out your forehead yeah yeah yeah we got there we got there Will starts going

la la la Will walks over to you shut up shut up you keep talking to him that's an awful I know I was complaining

about people sitting at the back and now I wish he was have we got time I know. I was complaining about people sitting at the back, and now I wish he was. Have we got time? I know we're running late, but also we didn't get to fucking start on time. You said keep going. Can we do the thing that we...

He's just a punter. Did someone just request Rad Dad? No. Oh, my. Oh, my. We may have one up our sleeve. Yeah. Let's do it.

Hit the music, Skinner. Go French Moby. Hit it. I forgot. This is the bit where we just have to sit here and listen to this. Sorry about that. Bad, bad way. Gotta wipe your kid.

A cat and a dog. Now see me look good in your catalogue. Yeah. Word to your mother. I'm Rad Dad. It's the raddest dad in town. Rad Dad. Lesson number one.

Can I? Oh, has it started? No, you can do a little addendum. Okay, so... I felt like the oldest person in the world before this. Yeah, thanks, mate. Shut up! Shut up!

No, no, no, you're right, because Tommy needed to send me the script and we had to have four goes at it, because he was like, I'll just send it to your email, and I was like, I don't have email on my phone. Really?

And he was like, I'll airdrop it to you. Do you have airdrop? And I was like, I don't have email on my phone. Really? And he was like, I'll airdrop it to you. Do you have airdrop? And I'm like, I guess so, but I don't know how it works. And then he airdropped it to my phone and it said, it's airdropped. And then I couldn't find it on my phone. You were like, is it on Netflix? Can you tune in the email? Is it in the cloud?

I think it's in the cloud. Anyway, I've got it. Okay, all right. Okay, all right. Now we're in character. You've given away that this is not all improv, but anyway, whatever. Oh, man, I need to because I cannot improvise this badly. You thought you'd seen shit close up before.

So, Rad Dad, here we are in Sydney. A scene-setting sentence that normal people say all the time to their fathers. Remind me and anyone else who may be listening here in the room why we've come here. Well, Jenny, you're always saying we never do anything and I'm behind the times and some sort of old fossil, so I thought I'd prove you wrong and we'd fly up here to the most exciting show in the world, the Sydney Olympics.

Rad Dad, that was literally 24 years ago. Shh, don't say that. It's bad luck you'll moz Cathy Freeman. Okay, well, look, it's lucky I had two things to do while we were up here. I've also been booked to appear on an ABC television recording while I'm up here. Now, which one was it? Recovery? No. Vidiot? No. Vidiot? No. Could it be Hard Quiz or Spicks and Specks?

No, after last week's episode, I'm not allowed within 15 metres of those shows. Oh, that's right. I think it's Tonightly with Tom Ballard. Well, it's nice that you found a bridge at the ABC that you haven't burned yet. But, Rad Dad, I don't know how to break this to you, but no one has seen an episode of Tonightly for seven years now. Plus it's been off the air for six. My favourite bit in here.

Wow, Tonightly is gone? Don't tell me Tom Ballard has eaten an entire show. Are you even playing a character at this point? It's hard to tell, Tommy. I mean, Jenny. I could have sworn I was booked for Tonightly. I know it was an ABC show. Let me check my dodo email account.

Oh, here it is. Gruen. I'm a guest on the Gruen Transfer. You're a guest on Gruen, the show about advertising. What the fuck are you going to contribute to a discussion about advertising? Well, Jenny, you've actually never asked me what your old man does for a living. I'm actually the head of

marketing at Hogsbreath Restaurants. Hogsbreath Cafe, that's right. I came up with the idea of naming a restaurant after the stinky shitty breath of a disgusting fucking pig with shit all over its breath. No offence, Will. Not sure that it's canon that pigs eat their own shit, but I kind of get

where you're going with the whole thing. I'm also head of marketing at Sizzler Australia. Even with sizzling. Sizzling. No, that's the funniest bit. Well, it's not hard. It's not beaten much. Even worse.

Well, you've certainly set up the idea that you're very bad at your job and we now have a reason for the story to progress, so good job. Plus, one time I sucked off the guy from the Go-Go-Mobile ad. G-O-G-G-O and get fucked. Well, I can't wait to see who else has a book to appear on this episode with me. I'd love to meet the Tucker bag, not happy Jan and the AIDS skeleton. It says here on the run sheet that one of the other guests is a Triple J presenter who's been known to have sex dreams about fucked old men.

Jesus Christ, you eat cheese once before bed and have a nightmare about sucking off a 50-year-old open mic and you have to hear about it forever. Wow, it's Conchita Caristo. Great to have another female-sounding comedian around here. Hi, Effie. Big fan.

You're on Triple J Breakfast, can I ask, what's Sandman and Flacco really like? And what is the secret sound this morning? It's me texting Jen Fricker and Nina Oyama, asking them to do the Sydney podcast for you next time you come up here, so I don't have to. It says here that the other guest on the show with you is a man who once, in his own verified words,

sucked and fucked silver chairs Daniel Johns to within an inch of his life. I never said that. I never said that. Shut up. Everyone shut the fuck up. You're ruining the wonderful writing of Rad Dad.

Is this about me? What the fuck does that even have to do with advertising? Why would I be on Gruen to talk about that? Well, you did take out a full page in the Newcastle Herald to print a picture of your face being covered in Daniel Johns' cum. Hey, that was not a full page ad. Well, it looks like the show's starting. Good luck everyone

Hello Well it's the role you were born to play Welcome to Gruen I'm your host Will Anderson And I'm going to keep my introduction very brief So as to not betray the fact that whoever wrote this script Has never watched an episode of Gruen In their life.

Smart, you're absolutely correct. Let's welcome the worst guest this show has ever had. Joining me this week, Conchetta Caristo from Triple J. Mamma mia! Cameron Bone from Daniel Johns' Mouth and Anus. That's not true. My last name is James. And from

a segment that has regularly been described as the shittest part of the little dum-dum club, which in itself is the hog's breath cafe of podcasting, it's Rad Dad. From before. Sure. Okay, Rad Dad, I'll start with you. In an increasingly fragmented world, advertisers work hard to target us in myriad different ways. How do you personally view the impact that the intersection of personal social media and brand integration has had on our collective conscience?

Conscious Jesus That's a great question Will But I think an even better question And set up for the joke I have Is this Name a great advertising slogan You've seen lately Great question Will

I think the most effective Ad campaign I've seen lately Is the new ad campaign Of Cameron Bone James No my name's Rad Dad Anyway I love Cameron Jones

Cameron Bones' new ad I love Cameron Bones' New ad campaign I just started reading ahead and I fucking hate this. I love Cameron Bones' new ad campaign. I think it's so perfect for 2024. The reimagined Slip Slop Slap ad. Slip Daniel Johns' cock in my bumhole.

Slop all of Daniel Johns' cum across my face. And slap me in the face with Daniel Johns' cock and send me off home. Thanks, man. Was that Daniel? What a terrific ending to the episode. And I can't wait to be mentioned in a Daily Mail article about this.

Well, as the writer of this script thinks we say at the end of every episode of Gruen, say hi to your mum for me. Oh, Will's mum! It's amazing how bored you'll get on a flight to Sydney. Alright, guys.

That is going to do us for another episode of The Little Diamond Club. Big round of applause. Conchita Caristo. Cameron James. Will Anderson. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. Bye.

And they've done it again. They have. Bernie's kicked one straight over the Harbour Bridge. Yes. Good to be back in Sydney first time in a long time. It was a fun show. Sorry, everyone, for me being so sookie about the crowd not being loud enough, but it's your fault for not being loud enough, I guess.

That's a catchphrase at this point. What a fun show. No, you know what? I was only sookie because I thought, this is good shit. This is a good show. Yeah. I want everyone to be louder, but anyway. Especially when you're debasing yourself to that level.

Yes. When you're really getting into the muck and you feel like it's not really paying off to that extent, then that feels really pathetic. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you're up there being grubby

and you're not getting fireworks from people, it's like, oh, now I'm just a little, now I'm just a dirty little goblin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're right. fireworks from people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, now I'm just a little, now I'm just a dirty little goblin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're right, you're right. You pull that lever because you really want to, like, send people over the edge. Yeah, we're going, if you're going to go lowest common denominator,

you want it to fucking kick off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lowest common denominator implies that everyone can be into it. I had, listen, I had content to talk about that would have got less than that. Yeah, me too. I could have just done that. If I wanted silence, I had plenty of stuff to talk about.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but look. We both had a couple of musings up the sleeve. Totally. If people wanted to sit there in silence, we could have. Yes. Look. That should be the new thing.

We should go in each with an A and B list of material, get up before the gig and go, now what are you guys in the mood for? Do you really want to laugh? Yeah. Or do you just kind of feel like sitting here and listening? Yes. And then we'll tailor the gig around that. I like that.

People are like, you know what? I'm really not, I've had a bit of a, I'm just not, you know, I didn't really get to have, it's a pretty early show. I didn't get to have many drinks on the way in. I am feeling a little, you know, I'm feeling a little little laid back i'd prefer to just sit here and just kind of absorb some stuff rather than be busting a gut for an hour what about this we have from now on we have um it's like you know when supermarkets have the quiet hour yeah yeah so we do we do a live show yeah a grubby one and then we have the quiet hour it's

like oh here's the conversational episode yeah we have one at 6 p.m on a wednesday yeah no lights on yeah no no complaining from us no no no yep yeah we want you to be quiet because that's good for us because in planning the show there's very little stress yeah we can just come in with the absolute like filler from our notes apps from the last couple of months yes just get it all out and be like hey there's no worries here because like yeah we don't need to worry about what kind of response this gets anything is a bonus you wanted this yeah yeah okay we'll do that quiet hour i like it live quiet hour i really like it i reckon that'll be the most enjoyable show we've ever done. Oh, the lowest stakes.

People start laughing. Shut the fuck up. Where do you think you are? Oh, throwing me off. God. People come here for some quiet. Thank you to the guests. Thank you to people from Sydney who came, and thank you to the guests.

We always sort of, I think we always overlook the plug for the live guests when we do that, because we get to the end and we just want to be like, ah, thanks everyone for coming to see it. But, you know, Will, if you want to go and see Will, Will's got shows in Hobart, in Cairns, in Caloundra coming up. So go and do that.

Cam, I think, what is he? I think he's done with his tour. He might be done. But he might, I don't know, maybe he's going to put another one on at some stage. I don't know. Yeah. Keep an eye out. Just follow Cam.

Yes. Concetta's on Triple J every morning. Yep. Tune in. Tune in. What else are you going to listen to? Change your whole life to wake up at 6am and listen to Conchetta and Luca on Triple J. You don't have to get up at 6.

You can, you know. I do. Listen to the pod. 8 o'clock. Listen to the catch up. Oh yeah. Catch the last like 15 minutes. Yeah.

It's often the best bit. Yeah. Yeah. They do a wrap up. They do a good traffic report yeah yeah traffic's really cooking by that time of the morning it's just cool traffic though yeah because it's just it's just like a zoomer traffic on triple j when they're doing the traffic report at the start at 6 p.m it's nothing to really say yeah it's too early yeah but by you know like 8 30 that's when the roads are really starting to come alive at

six o'clock the only people like that you that are on the roads are people that think triple j used to be better than what it is yeah it'd be funny if they open the talk lines just for triple j this is a six o'clock and it's just fucking old cunts going oh man why haven't why don't you play friends or rom anymore yeah exactly that'd be good. I would actually tune in for that. What else do we have to catch up on? Yeah, it was good to be up in Sydney. You were up there for a few days. I went out afterwards.

I thought I was going to have a big Sydney experience. Went and had dinner with friends of the show, Cameron, James and Conchita at Caristo. And we went and had Thai food because- Oh, yeah. Who picked that? Yeah. No, well, actually it was Milan and then Milan didn't turn up.

But, fuck, man, the fucking Thai place didn't have toilets, didn't have a bathroom, which I thought was not legal. But anyway, you're eating and drinking somewhere and you've got nowhere. Was it a big place? Because there is that loophole. I think it's like you've got to be over a certain size technically. You've got to be able to seat a certain number of people. That would be the case then because it was quite small inside

but then bigger outside. Yeah. So then there was nowhere. There was a pub over the road. And so then it became like, okay, well, then we just have to go to the pub. Yeah. Every time. But I've got a thing in me where, because I grew up in shops.

My parents were shopkeepers all my grown-up life. And I've still got a little embedded thing in me where it's like, you go into a shop, you don't walk into a shop and you fucking walk out and you don't buy anything. You walk in, like it used to really piss me off, people window shopping or whatever, you just walk in for a sticky nose or whatever, especially in a pub. You don't walk into a pub. It really annoys me when people walk into a supermarket and then they walk out.

It's like, what the fuck were you looking for? It's very rare for a supermarket to run out of a fucking product. But yeah, no, you're like supermarket to go in there for like one thing. Yeah. And then not have it. And then not be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's weird.

Yeah. So then I walk into a pub and I can't help myself so i go there a couple of times i just get drinks every time and just fucking slam them down as i'm going to the pisser no i i i anytime i've had to go use the bathroom in a in a pub i like yeah i can't just go in and out to the to the toilet it feels weird yes even though the odds of a person working there like noticing and calling you on it even though the odds of that are quite low at eight o'clock on a saturday yeah i still feel like if that happened that would just be mortifying like someone noticing going did you just go in and use the toilet and leave how dare you yeah i'd like you know what i'll just buy a

soda water and not even drink it like who cares i cares? I felt more like my mum's spider sense was tingling. So I was like, no, I better do it. I better get a vodka soda each time and just scull it in the dunny as I'm taking a piss. Still getting booze? Yep. You could just get a Fanta and just like. But I'd started drinking, so I'm like, what am I going to do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I might as well. The burger place that I worked at when I was like 20, I thought you were going to say in Sydney on the weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I went up early. Yeah, right. That we like were under that, technically under that threshold

where we didn't have to have a toilet open to the public, but only by really cheating it because it was like, oh, no, that bit there, that's one, you know, that's one seat. And it was like oh no that bit there that's one you know that's one seat and it's like that's you can fit like four people there that's a table but it was like no no we've technically got it laid out as only one seat so that we're under the threshold and you just i mean yeah if it's a place where people can sit down and eat it is crazy to not have a bathroom because people would constantly be coming in going have you got a bathroom and us going no and them going well where do you go to the toilet and they go well we're the one out the back yes well can i use that

yes uh no why not because working here sucks and we don't want to have to spend an extra half hour at the end of the day yep cleaning up your piss yes yeah and then every now and then you would have to cave because you would get like a mum with her kid just like pleading and you go like well fuck what do you do and then they go in and then some fucking old mate from an office yep sees that and then he's like well now that now that it's open slather yes it was always just like yeah why don't we yeah why don't we just let people in and then just we all get a little bit of overtime to stay here and clean up at the end of the night. Like, why not? Yeah.

No, you're right. I've been amongst it all. I've been the dad with the kid where it's like, no, you just actually have to let me do it. Yeah. Or my kid's going to shit its pants right now. Yeah. And look, I've already been a very bad influence on this kid. She's already wanting to do that all the time just from watching me over the years.

Well, also, yeah, I mean, when you're on that side of it, when you're behind the counter and the parent comes and it's just like, you just see the fucking desperation in their eyes and you're like, who am I to deny this? This person is in hell. They're not doing this for like a lark. They're not coming and like wrecking our toilet out the back just for something to do.

You just have to give that compassion that you would hope that someone one day bestows upon you. I get it from both ends, absolutely. The Thai restaurant we go to, we have a particularly grumpy lady that works there who sometimes has to just give it up and she's already grumpy normally. And she gets full fucking grump when I have to do that. It's fucking insane. What do you mean? When you're in there dining and you go use the bathroom?

Yeah. Because they don't have it open to the public? Yes. Oh, okay, right. Yeah, they've got to give me a key. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a shared one in a supermarket. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know those ones? Yeah. You know the secret supermarket dunnies? Those ones where you're like, because obviously it's never like your plan A to do it when you're out and about. But when you're in a cafe or whatever and you're like, oh, where's the bathroom? And then they send you on a fucking expedition where you're like, you're all of a sudden in a building like three shops away. You're like, is this even your toilet?

Have you just sent me into some random person's house? Honestly, there was a place that's closed down and it's reopened. I don't know what their situation is now, but there's a Thai place in Melbourne in Flinders Lane that me and Milan used to go to a bit. It used to be really empty on a Saturday night. And surprise, surprise, it closed down because we're sitting there going, we're the only customers on a Saturday night.

This does not bode well. But it was good food and it was cheap drinks and so we'd go there and you go to go to the toilet and they'd go oh here's a key and you're like cool where's the toilet and they go just walk down about probably two minutes that way and then turn right and then turn right again and you're like this seems like an overly complicated route for your toilets and we went down there it's like i we're in the grilled toilets we're not yeah yeah yeah we're not even in a communal toilet yeah i really like that we're in the grilled dunnies that's good fucking hell i want to get a lock put on

it was half a block away it wasn't even next doors or the one down there or one down there i want to get a lock put on my toilet at home and when people come around and want to use it, give them the key. You know when you're like, the venue will give you like a fucking, it's just got some huge like totem on it and you're like, I don't want to have to touch, you know what I mean? You're just thinking about how many, as if this thing ever gets sanitized, you just think about the number of disgusting people's shitty hands have been covering this handling this fucking big wooden spoon that they've got the key on the end of yeah put a little um coin slot in there yeah get get visitors to pay you to take a shit

well i mean that's pretty common in the states right i think like the pay toilet see i'm fine with that yeah i'm fine that alleviates the thing of like oh god is there a venue i can go into and have to like just awkwardly buy a drink that i don't want if it's just a spot where it's like chuck five bucks in fine oh five bucks well whatever yeah again when you're that desperate you're like i'll pay 50 whatever the charge is i'll pay it i i need i need this right now i'll do anything you know what i wouldn mind, now that you said that five bucks, I wouldn't mind there being some sort of VIP dunny where it's five bucks in public because, look,

keep the free toilets that are out there. I like that. That's great. Some of them are horrific. Yeah. But keep that and then have your first class dunnies next door. Five bucks. Once you're in a certain class of a certain income bracket where you're like,

if I'm desperate, I can afford it. Yeah. And the five bucks goes back to, you know, whatever it is. It can go to where, you know, something good. But keep the free dunnies and give us the first class dunnies so I don't have to go in there and go, is this entire, every square inch of this toilet, is this covered in piss? Yeah.

Is it? Piss at the best. Yes. I would, yeah, you know what would be good? Have you seen, I think we talked about it on a bonus episode that's, I don't know, maybe coming up, the Lime Gyms, those like, or anything that you like subscribe to where you then have like a, you just then have like an

access qr code or whatever so there's like a brand of gyms that exist all right so you sign up and you yeah you sign up and you just have a membership and then you can just turn up to it whenever you want right that for public toilets if there was a brand of public toilets where it's a monthly fee yeah and they're what you're talking about they're a nice good clean one yep you get like an app that's got a little map of where they are when you're talking about. They're a nice, good, clean one. You get like an app that's got a little map of where they are. When you're out and about, you're like, God damn, I need a shit.

You open the app up and you're like, hey, there's one just there. Hey, my membership's all paid up. I just swipe my little QR code. I go straight in. It's all nice. It's all taken care of.

It's not filthy. There's not a syringe on the ground. It's not covered in water from when the fucking cleaning cycle has gone off like five minutes before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that, the cleaning cycle. Just put the sprinklers on inside a dunny. Yeah.

Funny. Those ones that are on like a main road in the CBD where you just like, you're desperate. You go in there and you just like the door opens and you walk out onto just like a busy main footpath yeah yeah crowded with people yeah fuck it's an awful feeling yeah those metal ones is that is that what you're talking about those there's one on burke street near the corner of swanston yeah oh yeah yeah i don't know i haven't seen that one right yeah there's one there's yeah there's one up here in hawthorne that's like i've taken my child in here and i've had to fucking jedi mind tricking her into, this is a good place to be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like even she's like, I don't want to go in here, Daddy. I'm like, me neither, but we have to. This is a bonding exercise. We both don't want to be doing this. Yep. Anyway, thanks everyone. Thanks, Sydney.

Fun show. thanks Sydney fun show thank you to also thank you to Will for putting up with being surprised surprised with that little funny story that I didn't really mean on doing it but like I said

the crowd I thought we've got to amp this up a gear and literally someone told me that story the night before yep

and I thought well you know let's see this would be fun to see if it's true it's a funny thing to riff off the back of. Will was very kind and polite enough to put up with it.

Not only that, but not send any follow-up messages in the intervening 72 hours saying, please delete that episode. And I did hit him up to go, thank you for this, is this cool? And he was simply like, well, I don't remember it. If it happened, who knows? But I certainly have no recollection of it happening

and I don't believe it to be true, but who knows? Yeah, but also like we were saying, the person telling it, they're telling it with so much distance to it. Can I ask, the person who told you, did they tell you that in response to you going, I'm going to sydney and will anderson is going to be on the pot so they just complete coincidence yes they just wheeled out a story about him that's incredible yes yes that is amazing yes nothing to do i hadn't brought anything like that up nothing that's the best yeah i think that makes it the best detail of

the story yeah very very weird and then and in, they didn't get any detail like, oh, that's weird because I'm seeing him tomorrow night. It was just like a standalone story where it's like, okay, that's funny. Yep. The end. Oh, you just left it as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fantastic.

I'm not, I wasn't going to leave any, any evidence there or anything like that. So, uh, yeah, anyway. Yeah. Great. Funny. Do you think there's any chance that this person will then now hear this episode? No. Great.

I don't believe so. Great. I certainly didn't leave any carbon footprint for this podcast there. Yeah. So I'd love it to get back. Maybe that woman listens. Well, yeah. Maybe she'll be like, this rings a bell.

Well, this person this person told the story i have no idea who they are right and i know someone who knows them right that's why the conversation was happening right so i could pass it on but i don't really i could pass it on to them who could pass it on to their old flatmate yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah i don't know i don't know what would the what would the question be well we talked about it is it true after all or not what's your memory of this yeah yeah yeah i don't think we need to do a follow-up but maybe just for our own you know peace of mind yeah maybe but also i'm just you know like you always say tell me something i want to believe yeah i'm

happy to just live in the reality where it was a fucking 120 minutes of heaven yeah yeah absolutely and like we said you know the thing we talked about afterwards is like oh is this you know i was a bit nervous about bringing up with will and will seemed a bit nervous to start with oh yeah but at the end it's like well it's all just you know it's it's it's all consensual and it's all yeah everyone's having fun by the sound of it it would have been funny to then start a timer and make the gig go for two hours yeah just so we had just so everyone in the room could like experience like this is how long two hours really is yeah this is what imagine doing or receiving that this entire time we've been speaking it's's just, it's a nice change from...

Well, by the time we get to the end of Talking Dumb Dumb, that's what it'll be, essentially. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a nice change from us just having our heads up our ass to having our tongue up the ass. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, let's do this bit.

Thank you for everyone who subscribes on patreon.com slash little dumb dumb club who keeps the show afloat. It does all that. So thanks for the people that have that bought tickets to Sydney that have bought merch guys get on to the merch

we sold a bunch of merch up there run out of stubby holders they are a very popular thing I think we're going to have to restock stubby holders are very popular they're modelled after the Chang beer but with all quotes from this show on it people love them

the hats are selling very well the shirts are selling pretty decent as well to the Chang Beer, but with all quotes from this show on it. People love them. The hats are selling very well. The shirts are selling pretty decent as well. So the shirts and the hats are from before. So we moved a bunch of them in Sydney. Certain sizes have now sold out. So for that one listener out there that was after a small shirt, they're all gone. Sorry. Ah, damn. Unfortunately, for the millions of you out there that were looking a small shirt, they're all gone, sorry. Ah, damn.

Unfortunately, for the millions of you out there that were looking for 2XL and 3XL, they are gone. They are gone. Yeah. Okay. You'll have to update that for me, Tommy. But medium, large, and XL left, guys. Get onto that and onto the hats. Get on the website.

Have a look. Get on the socials to see what they look like as well. But let's get small. Let's think about just a few of our Patreon subscribers in particular this week. Let's read out a small handful to really make you know that you're wanted and you're appreciated. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber number one, Cab, off the rank this week thank you to sam lay lai lie sam lie thank you to sam lie lie yeah i think lie lie thank you to sam lie thank you to sam porky yeah yeah yeah thank you to sam. Well, maybe he's not even subscribing.

Maybe this whole thing is a Sam lie. Yeah. Maybe this is counterfeit money he sent us via Patreon. That would be bad. That would be bad if we get the statement one week and it's just like, yep, here's X amount from Patreon and here's X amount that does not exist. Yeah. Because one of your listeners tricked both of us. Someone who just has like kind of misinterpreted what Bitcoin is.

Yeah. Yeah, I just make up a currency. Yeah. And I just say that you guys can have five of that. Oh, you know what? But it doesn't actually exist. You know what we've never copped is that, you know, sometimes it'll come up and it'll be like, you know,

this person subscribes in American dollars or this person subscribes in Singapore dollars and whatever. I've never had Thai bar. Never had a Thai. I mean, look. You mean our one listener over there isn't on Patreon? No. Well, it didn't even come to the show.

Yeah, yeah. No, I think we have more than one listener in Thailand. Remember, this is what I meant to say. We didn't mention this during the whole Koh Samui podcast festival. This is what I meant to say. We didn't mention this during the whole Koh Samui podcast festival. There was a guy that went to one of the first ones, the first or the second one or even the third one, and then off the back of that decided to move to Koh Samui.

Oh, right. And I met him at one of the Dum Dum Cons slash Carl Chellers. Right. And he lived on Koh Samui then and he came along with a mate. And then he wasn't at this last one yeah right so what whatever happened to that guy do you know if he still lives there i have no contact or any idea of anything since the time in 2020 when was it two we had a dum a Dumb Dumb Con. Right. Dumb Dumb Con 22.

He rocked up and talked about, yeah, I came to one of the festivals and I love Costa Muna and decided to move here. I've never heard from that guy since. He hung out with you one-on-one. That's enough. Well, it wasn't one-on-one. It was like a bunch of us.

I think it's, I mean, that's kind of beautiful, right? You get into this show. You really love it. You're as into it as you can possibly be. You to another country to watch it that inspires you to move to that country and then you're like i've gotten everything i can possibly get out of this show why would i ever listen again that's so weird i've like i've already listening to this show has already inspired me once to uproot my entire life i don't want to keep listening because who knows what will happen next it is a funny story to go for someone to go go. So yeah, you're from Australia. Yep. And

you live here in Koh Samui. Why? Well, I listened to this podcast and they were really going on about Koh Samui a lot of the time. It sounded really good. So I came here. Yeah. Oh, great. What else do they say on the podcast? I don't really know. I lost interest. How was this week's episode? I don't know. I haven't listened for three years. It changed my entire life yeah and then i just couldn't be fucked anymore i like to i like to imagine him that he's like on the plane over there like you know got all his stuff put some of his stuff in storage packed up his whole life

and just as he's on the plane part of his eight hour flight is he's just he's just going through his podcast app and just deleting every episode. Won't be needing this anymore. I feel like there are a couple of people that have tattoos and stuff that I haven't heard from for this show. I haven't heard of for a long time. You go, okay, so someone's floating around with a tattoo of our podcast. It just didn't fit in their weekly fucking listen anymore. I mean, it's totally the thing of like, you know, the, what would you call it?

The person who's like, not anti-tattoo, but like, you know, when you're thinking of getting one and when you're younger, you tell your parents and they're like, oh, you don't get this, you know, you'll, you'll move on. Your tastes change and everything. It is like just a beautiful, beautiful reality of that. You know, that's why when you see people with the like the really generic like flash art kind of stuff that looks like they've just walked into the parlor and gone just that thanks at least you know a3 yeah at least you're never gonna fall out if you have no attachment to that if it's just something random you're never gonna have your thoughts you can

only go up from there yeah you can only ever like experience something where then you're like oh that's funny that kind of relates to the tattoo i've got you know i think this is i've i'm sure i've mentioned this before but i think this is so funny it's just such a weird dumb but funny thing to do i remember my cousin at the time when grunge was was exploding around the world. Yep. Yep. Um, grunge music. Oh, music, right. Yes.

Not just, not just Phil. Thank you for clarifying. It wasn't when everything got dirty and people were excited about it. It was the phenomenon of grunge music, um, out of Seattle in America, Tommy.

Yep. Um, my, my cousin got a Pearl Jam tattoo. Like that's that little alive symbol. It's like a little stick figure that's got his arms and legs out or whatever. So he got quite a large tattoo of that on his arm, I think. And we were always like, oh, so you just want that forever.

Yeah. So you can't imagine a time when you think that that would be bad. No. That's great. What a great song and whatever. Cut to about two years later. Yeah, I don't really like Pearl Jam anymore. Yeah, well, that's great what a great song and whatever cut to about two years later yeah i don't really like pearl jam anymore yeah well that's what we that's what we thought but then about another so then every now every you know now and then he'd have his shirt off or something

and be like ah there he is mr eddie vetter himself hey oh you love it don't you so after a copy a couple years that he gets a new tattoo just a big square black box over the top of it. His favorite piece of stand-up material. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So now he just has, for the last 25 years or whatever, he just has a giant black box over his arm, where then whenever anyone sees him with his top off, it's like, oh, what's the story behind the black box over his arm where then whenever anyone sees him with his top off it's like oh what's the story behind the black box oh it's got pearl jam under it yeah i don't like pearl jam

anymore yep i guess it's happening in the era before it's like easy to get them lasered off yes like now i reckon i drive past more laser removal places than actual tattoo parlors in melbourne but yeah that is funny the the like not wanting the tattoo anymore but but having to sit down and be like now is there something that i can turn this into yeah that doesn't remind me of my ex yeah or do i just have to go yeah just complete scorch the earth just big black box how much do you have censored yeah yeah how much do you have to hate a band to get a black box completely over the top of it? I mean, that's the thing about getting any, like, yeah,

music-based tattoo is, like, bands can, what you like about a band can change, like, so rapidly. Like, they can change what they're doing so rapidly. The people involved in the band can end up being, like, you know, kind of sus or whatever as time goes on. Well, look, your tastes change, don't they? Especially from the age of, you know, anywhere of sus or whatever as time goes on. Well, look, your tastes change, don't they? Especially from the age of, you know, anywhere in your teens. If you're into exactly the same thing that you're into in your teens,

it's sort of weird. But you always hold a soft spot for stuff that you're into at that age. But, yeah, wanting it, like, represented on you. To be consistent, to be, like, just as into something when you're 17 as you are when you're 42 is a little bit different. Yeah, yeah, big time. Anyway, but thanks, Sam Lye. Thanks, Sam Lye.

It is the truth that you are appreciated. Thank you to Patreon subscriber James Ellsworthy. Ellsworthy? Yeah. Are we Ellsworthy Yeah Hmm We are Are we Ellsworthy? I've got a plug That I'm trying to wedge in here And I'm waiting for a name

That's going to like Lead me into it Okay And I'm wondering if I like If I hold out I'm guessing this is the wrong one Or am I going to get to Or am I going to get to

You know the end of this And be like Fucking none of them Was quite right I I would say Looking ahead In what's coming up On the Unplanned Total Alarm,

I would hold out. Okay. I would hold out. Sizzle for a plug. Yeah. I can see an end to it where I'm like, you know what? We're going to have a bit more fun with that.

Yeah, I reckon there's possibly more fun coming up. Speaking of grunges we were before, I was talking last week when i was here actually with josh earl about a uh nirvana book that i read recently that you've also read and um i was thinking about this the other day if kurt was still alive you know what i reckon i reckon he'd be a trump guy i could see kurt being a Trump guy. Just because he was into guns? In 2024. Just all of his stuff about like,

I think all of what Trump was saying would really have appealed to him. He had a real distrust of the media, that real kind of like outsider status. I reckon all of the like people that like, all of the like key points that Trump really targets, I reckon really would have been riding Kurt's wheelhouse. Especially, he'd be what, like 50? No.

Yeah, he'd be 50, late 50s now? No. Yeah, actually, you're right. Because he died when he was 27. I think I was probably under 20 when that happened. Yeah. Yeah, he'd be like 55, right? Yeah, something like that that happened. Yeah. It'd be like 55, right? Yeah, something like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I can probably quickly look it up. I don't agree, but I can see what you mean. I think he was, a lot of his other character traits were not aligned with that part of politics, don't think i mean it's you know yeah it's so hard to know like what the 30 intervening years would have like you know would have done to his personality and his character and everything but like but that's a

but that's a classic one where it's like fun to imagine people with the like little nirvana smiley face logo tattooed on them and then he's out there being like real anti-vax and pro trump and being like oh christ yeah fucking hell we we know he wasn't anti-needle so exactly yeah yeah yeah so he might have been pro-vax yeah um but yeah i i don't i don't think i agree but um he was a guy that weirdly through all yeah that, that was the thing, the weird thing that didn't stick with everything else that seems strange to me is with all the character traits he had and what he believed in

and his sympathies towards different causes and his feelings towards people and whatever and then he was the guy that was like, yeah, I love having guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. All right. It seems a bit out of character for the rest of it yeah whatever

yeah um but he could he could write a tune he really could what a great little canon of work those fellas had yeah i've been i read that book and then i've been uh i've been throwing them on uh more recently and it's like man it it really feels pathetic at the age of 37 to be hopping in the car and just chucking on teen spirit in 2024. It just seems like the most, like I've just discovered it. Just driving down the road playing it. I'm like, this is embarrassing. This is the most top line.

Never mind. What an album of bangers. It's one of those albums where it's like, this feels like a band's greatest hits. Every song. Yeah. every song a banger well i mean it kind of just is their greatest hits with how small the catalog yeah ultimately ended up being no you'd fit in a few maybe from in in utero yeah and uh even incesticide yep there's like Yeah, Bleach is a bit hard to work. It's a good album, but you'd...

What would you... You would struggle to find a room for a song off that maybe. I don't know. What would you... Hang on, I'm looking up what's on Bleach again. I reckon...

What was the singles on Bleach or anything? Any of the memorable ones on Bleach? Let's see. Oh, yeah, About a Girl. Oh, yeah. There you go. That'll be on there.

I think that'll be it, actually. Yeah. About a Girl. Well, yeah, as heard on the live in New York City. Do you get the little thing on Instagram where it shows you a little preview of what's happening on threads at the moment? Yes.

And it's always like, it being the dream of being any better than Twitter is just like, it's non-existent. It's all the same stuff. And it's like, I just saw one the other day by someone, just a random person I don't follow, being like, yeah, look, it's clearly like a pretty young person saying this.

They're like, yeah, I've got to say I'm just really disappointed. I've just learned all this stuff about Steve Albini and stuff he used to stay and, you know, just a really, yeah, I thought he was like a really cool, like put together guy, but yeah, there's some awful stuff that he used to say and think. And then like the first reply is someone going, he used to be in a band called Rape Man. Yeah.

like the first reply is someone going, he used to be in a band called Rape Man. Yeah. Like what was your, what like your previous knowledge of this guy, like was based on like what? 10% of his output maybe? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think he disowned all that sort of stuff. People just like coming so late to do, people having done like a second more digging into the Wikipedia page and being like, I just found out about all this. It's like this information has been available to you for forever, for a very long time. Well, also, you know, it's one of those things where, yeah,

I think that, yes, C.L. Balboni was in a band called Rapeman and then if you read about it, he's sort of a bit like, yeah, that was like a joke that was like no good and then we went, yeah, that's no good and then that was the end of it and it's like everyone's got some of that stuff. Yeah. It's hard to fucking...

Imagine someone going through what you'd done at age 20 and gone, oh, you did this and you're like, fuck, yeah. What you did at that age being a... I agree. Having a permanent public- Can you still- I assume you can find those albums on streaming still.

Yep. It's just there forever. Yep. Yeah, absolutely. Ellsworthy. I'm trying to figure out what is Ellsworthy. What is an L and what's worthy of an L? Well, people say like you took an L.

Oh, yeah. You know, like a self L. If you like post something online that makes you look bad or whatever. L for loss. Yeah. Yeah. So L's worthy. L's worthy.

Loss worthy. What have you done that's loss worthy lately? Lately? Yes. That's a good question. What's an L you've taken in the last week or so? Oh, lately. Yes. That's a good question. What's an L you've taken in the last week or so? Taking a big L from my dog lately.

He's fucking keeping us up all night. What's the answer? I don't know. Because he goes to bed, middle of the night he starts crying. He wants to get into the bed. and i just cave and let him in because i feel like i'm going insane just listening to him cry yeah and my fiance is like no don't do that you got to wait it out but meanwhile she's just rolled over and put earplugs in so i'm like well that's easy for you to say you're blocking this out i'm just the one who's being kept awake

yeah and the so and i this isn yeah, this isn't long term. But when you're in the middle of the night and you just want to go back to sleep, the solution is just let him in the bed and then this all ends. Yep. And I can go back to sleep. And I would consider that to be me taking a big L from my dog.

I agree. I think I'm a big one of, with my daughter, my wife caves into absolutely everything. And I'm like, I hate this because we're teaching our child to be spoiled and i do not want that yeah so yeah i'm a big one of like sitting there every day going i know the kid's crying yeah but she's crying over the most ridiculous thing i know

you want her to stop crying and you feel really bad and whatever but she's also kind of learned that she can't just throw her fucking arms in the air and go insane because she's not having ice cream for breakfast. Yeah. I'm so sorry to be the one to put the foot down here. But whatever. Well, you know what she's loving at the moment. So I've talked on the show about her dinner party story is the time that daddy shit the bed in Thailand. And she cannot tell that story more.

She cannot. Yeah. She tells it to me nearly every day i'm like i know the story i told you yep she's telling it to anyone and everyone and she's added a new one to the canon as to my wife who i'm like who's like why did you tell her this story and i'm like again i don't know why i did this but i told her the story of well i just said you know what i did the, but I told her the story of, well, I just said, you know what I did the other day?

I said to Blanket, you know what happened to Daddy the other day? What? My phone fell in the toilet. And then that's the new one. So she's just telling that to everyone, anyone that walks past, Daddy's phone's in the toilet. I just licked the screen of that phone. Yeah. So it's first time for me.

My phone fell in the toilet. i've never had it happen before but yeah anyway uh this is now going out to all of our listeners which i still think is less than the amount of people that my daughter has told yeah really right yeah yeah when she meets someone that's already heard the daddy shit in the bed story she's got a new one that's i mean if you had done that deliberately that that's more current. That's like hoping that it might dislodge the shitting the bed story. Because the phone in the toilet, whatever, happened to tons of people.

Less embarrassing than the shitting the bed. But yeah, it sounds like it's a little amuse-bouche. I like that she had to hear that story. My wife had to hear it off blanket. She's like, oh, why haven't I heard this one yet? It's like, oh, sorry, you're having to hear the story from Blanket. Sorry you're having it broken to you like this, and I didn't get to you first.

But yes, my phone has been in the toilet. Well, fine in the toilet. That's really Ellsworthy. That's taken a big L. But she's like, what? Yeah, but i've touched your phone since then what what was in the toilet what was in the i'm like no it's all fine it's completely fine it was fine she's like okay great and then i i couldn't help myself i

didn't think far enough ahead i was like unlike my notebook she's like what i'm like you know carry around a little notebook like you know notebook like this yeah on me i mean yep i dropped that in the toilet the other day she goes what do you mean i like that one i i dropped my notebook in the toilet when it was full of piss oh what well i didn't mean it it's not this one by the way that i'm holding on to yeah i'm like yeah i i i didn't mean it yeah that's do you think i meant it why did you have the notebook out why are you taking it it was in the back i gotta i gotta jot this i gotta my phone's out of battery i can't take a photo yeah i'll have to write a description Why did you have the notebook out? Why are you taking a picture? It was in the bag. I've got to jot this. My phone's out of battery.

I can't take a photo. I'll have to write a description of what's going on here. This feels so good. I've got to remember this. I've got to remember this. This is one of the greats. Note to self. Do this again.

I've never seen a hue like this before. Yeah, no. No, no, no. I was sitting on the toilet. Oh, yeah. And it came out of the back pocket. Out of the back pocket. Oh, man.

That back pocket. That always gets you. It's not. I'm vehemently against the back pocket. And for some reason, I find myself putting things in the back pocket. For both of these instances, phone and notebook. Yeah, the phone in the back pocket is crazy to me. I reckon the back pocket is one thing and one thing alone,

the wallet. That's where the wallet is. Not even the wallet. That's where the wallet is. If anything's going to be there, it's wallet only. Anything else in there, a crime. For me, it's rubbish in the back pocket. Rubbish?

Yeah. You know, you're hanging around with a wrapper and there's no bin or anything, back pocket. How very Japanese of you. Oh, how come? What does that mean? There's no trash there and there's also no bins. And there's like a real culture there of like,

you go out with a bag, any of your trash, you just, you take it home with you. At the end of the day, you, yeah, because I've been caught out by that. You walk around and you're like, there's no rubbish on the streets, but there's also no bins. Where the fuck does the rubbish go?

And the answer is like, yeah, they have respect for the world around them. And it just like yeah you just keep it on your person get to but it does mean that like you get and everything is in so much wrapping there you get to the end of the day and you've just got a bag just full of shit right you're like i had like a drink in a chocolate bar why are there 15 bits of wrapping in my bag oh if you yeah if you have a drink and you're carrying around the drink all day, what a pain in the ass. Well, thanks, James Ellsworthy.

Fuck, we're taking our sweet time with this. I know. Let's get going. Look, I'm tipping this next one is where you can put your plug. Okay, great. I reckon you can... I hope the person's last name is Plug

or their last name is the specific thing that I'm going to plug. That would be incredible. Thank you to Patreon subscriber Skippy Sunshine. Okay, fantastic. Yep. Yep. If you can't wedge anything back to Skippy Sunshine, I'm going to lose a lot of faith

in you. Do we? Now, what are the odds this is real? Very low. But this is what they've said they are. So what do I do? Stranger things have happened. A friend of mine, you've met him.

He's a painter. His name's Sonny Day. And that's his real name. That's not an alias. That's not a... That's crazy. I met him. I just knew him as Sonny.

And then I had to pay him for something and he sent me his bank details. I'm like, this isn't your real fucking account name. Sonny Day. And he's like, yep, it's my real name. My real ass name. Wow. I am going to look it up. Look up Mr. Skippy.

Yeah. Well, folks, if you want some Skippy sunshine in your life. Here we go. Well, folks, if you want some skippy sunshine in your life... Here we go. ..you'll be wrapped to know that my stand-up comedy special, Scam Artist, I've got a premiere date for it. Sunday, August the 11th, I should say, 8pm,

Australian Eastern Standard Time. It's going live on YouTube. Put it in your little calendars. Tune in. It's going to be on my YouTube channel. I'm going to be watching along live, talking shit in the comments. Yeah, I'll be talking about it a bit more in the lead up. But yeah, finally got a date for that.

For that little endeavor. Wow. It's taken forever to get finished. You finally got the deal over the line with the good people at YouTube. Yep. Wow. Mr. Tube. I think I am going to do...

There's like a streaming... Well, it's kind of a streaming service. It's a thing called Plex. Do you know anything about Plex? No. So it's like a... They've got their own stuff on there, but it's like real low rent,

just stuff that's like basically public domain. But what you can do is you can set up a server of your own thing and store your movies and stuff on it and then give, give people access to it. So I've got a friend who's got a Plex server that he puts like movies and TV shows and stuff on too. And then I can just access it on my TV.

Like it's Netflix or whatever. And it's kind of great. Cause I can message him and be like, can you put this movie up? And he's like, sure. And he could just do it from his phone. And then within like five minutes,

the movie will be up there. It's great. Anyway, his last name is gib so we we refer to it in our friendship group as gib flicks and so i'm i'm giving him i'm giving him a first look week-long exclusive of the special on gib flicks we were talking about and he was like can i have like an early copy to put on the plex server just for like a week? I'm like, yeah, that's a funny idea. What about this? How about this for a bit? You know, a lot of comedians are doing, got their hour specials out now.

A lot of, majority of people are filming their shows for an hour. Yep. And then putting it up. Yep. And, you know, it's always like, hey, I've got my special. Well, now that everyone's got a special, are they really special anymore? So I should be like, here's my comedy regular.

Here's my normal. Yeah, that's not bad. Here's my normal. My normie. Yeah. Yeah. That's something. I like that.

That's good. That's something. I like that. That's good. That's good. Do you think that the great Ronald Chang coined the regular phrasing of special in this country? So I remember when he first was, you know, put out an hour, an hour show, he started calling it a special and we were all like, the fuck are you calling it a special for? It's just a show. We call them shows. And now eventually he's worn us down fuck are you calling it a special for? It's just a show. We call them shows and now eventually he's worn us down and everyone's calling it a special.

My memory of that is that he was doing it about live shows when it wasn't taped, which was the weird thing about it. So yeah, I don't think that stuck in terms of calling it a live show, in terms of calling a live show a special. But that was also at a time where like people didn't really put them out people might once every like five years someone would release a dvd yes of their live show but there just wasn't the same culture of like yes taping it and putting it out what is a thing that people that i think has um caught on in the last few years is people calling it a tour like no one ever used to really have the stones to do that people are like oh i'm going to this festival to do my show yeah like people

would be very hesitant to be like i'm going on tour this yeah yeah okay that's a thing that i think like that language has trickled down from like the states and wherever where people are like why wouldn't you call it this yeah people outside of the biz think that that sounds cool right yep yep people have have lost that thing of i'm gonna sound a bit like a wanker if i start using you call it this yeah people outside of the biz think that that sounds cool right yeah yeah people have have lost that thing of i'm gonna sound a bit like a wanker if i start using this terminology and then everyone's like no no we're just gonna do it yep yep um well thank you skippy sunshine for getting the exclusive on on that on those uh on on tommy daslow's tour dates of youtube skip on over to youtube.com slash Dasolo on August the 11th

and fill your life with a bit of sunshine. His tour dates are his show. He's touring YouTube from August 11 until the end of eternity. Yep, exactly. Get in quick while stocks last. Thanks, Skippy. Thanks, Skippy. Thank you very much to...

Oh, maybe you've gone too early on this. Oh, damn. Thank you very much to Patience and Subscriber, Ken Christen. Ken Christen. Well, it could have been more like, well, I tell you what, on August 11... Oh, yeah. It's going to feel like Ken Christmaston. I'm going to turn up to YouTube headquarters with a big bottle of champagne,

smash it against the wall, and Ken Christen my comedy special. Smash your hour of material against the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, smash the champagne across the hour of material that you have and christen the special. Yeah, I'm going to put it on a USB and then smash a bottle of champagne over that USB stick. Yeah, that would be good. Kristen the special.

I'm saying Kristen. Maybe it's Kristen. I should be saying Ken Christen. What do you think it is? As a surname, how would you... Spell it? It's C-H-R-I-S-T-E-N. Kristen.

Ken Christen. Would you go Kristen or Kristen? Hmm. Ken Kristen. I guess you'd go Kristen. It's not a bad name, no matter what it is. Yeah. Ken Kristen.

I like it. My name is Ken Kristen. My name is Ken Kristen. Yeah. My name's Ken Kristen, but you can call me Ken Kristen. No, I like that. I like that. I like that. I like either order of that.

My friends call me Ken Christen, but you can call me Ken Christen. What's better, Ken Christen or Kristen Ken? Kristen Ken. What if he was married to Kristen Ken? Nah, Ken up the top. That's good. Ken Christen. Ken's a good name.

I like the name Ken. It feels like, I know I'm only saying that Because this is exactly What I'm doing But it feels like a name Made up to make me laugh Yeah yeah yeah I do like it

Ken Kristen Ken Kristen Yep What's going on Someone's testing The emergency broadcast System outside Yeah so

I think Armageddon's coming Oh no it's gone again It's finished No false alarm False alarm What a shame We're all going to Alive what a shame we're all gonna live

sorry about that we're all gonna alive yeah we're all gonna be be alive be born again to be Ken Christening again well yeah

the speaking of Ken Christening my my comedy special on YouTube I am gonna be doing the thing where I'm in the comments talking shit which is a thing that is

people do. You have the live premiere, try and get everyone active at the one time, and you incentivize that by going, yeah, I'll be in there saying funny things, which makes sense as a thing to get people to tune in. But it does mean that you are encouraging people to sit there and not really pay attention to the special and instead just be looking at the comments window it's like i could just do hey i could just open up a fucking chat window yeah at any time there doesn't have to be video of me playing simultaneously and you're also encouraging

people to maybe critique the the the show immediately as well yeah make sure that i see it you know yeah yeah if it's just up you can just be like well i'm just not going to look at the comments or anything i don't need to dive into that well but if you're like they're actively doing stuff like you have to be seeing it well maybe if you want to um you know someone that's listening to this if you want to like uh make up for some other people who are doing that sort of thing you can get on there and be the positive reviewer yeah just every joke that tommy does you can just say good one yeah so at the end of every joke you say good one yep there is a big old from before in there as i've talked about there's um

yeah there's a lot of friends of the show in there with little uh cameos and stuff well it's a shame you couldn't say any of that because you saved it all for skippy sunshine i know yeah yeah it would have all been good to say back then, but Ken Christen has reminded me. I'm getting two bites of the cherry. If only you'd been able to mention it, but you can't have your time back like that, Tommy. Ken's a tough man. Hey, I've taken a real Ellsworthy here. Let's bring them all in.

Well, you're not Sam lying when you say that. I'm not. It is happening. It's coming out. You're Sam truthing. You're Sam telling the truth. Well, thanks, not Sam lying when you say that. I'm not. It is happening. It's coming out. You're Sam truthing. You're Sam telling the truth. Well, thanks, Ken Christen. Let us know.

I'm actually keen to know. Is it Ken Christen or Ken Christen? Let's just do one more this week. Great. Thank you very much, too. God. You really did go too early. Fuck.

Oh, really? Yeah. I was worried this might be the case. This would have been a better one, in my opinion. Oh, fuck. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber August11 on YouTube Comedy. Wow. Yeah.

It would have fit in better, I think. When you said I should wait for Skippy Sunshine. Yes. You also could see this one? Yes. Well, I didn't know the date back then. I didn't know what date it was coming back. Oh, you didn't know what I was plugging yet.

No, no, no. You thought this was just some random series of words. I thought it was maybe... Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, I thought maybe you had a new, I don't know, range of fucking scones out or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some sort of...

A new range of scones to replace my previous range of scones. Were you the ones that had the range of scones before? I can't remember. I always mix you guys up. Yeah, we talk a lot about how Dassolo's my stage name. My real name is Devenger. Crocker, I thought. Tommy Devenger.

Tommy Crocker. Yeah, sorry. Well, if only I knew what I know now. Yeah, well, thanks, August 11 on YouTube comedy. Yeah. And thanks everyone for supporting the show, chipping in on Patreon.

Just listening to the show every week is enough, honestly. It's quite an effort. Thank you. Thank you for listening and we will see you next time. See you, mate.

See you, mate.