The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 723 - Andrew Hamilton & Nick Capper

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

This week we're joined by NICK CAPPER and first time guest ANDREW HAMILTON! Andrew's currently on tour promoting his book about the time he went to prison so we've got a LOT of questions for him. If you've ever listened to the podcast before, I'm sure you can make an educated guess as to the calibre of question that we'd want answered about prison and the level of maturity that we bring to such a delicate subject. It's a great, funny chat about a super interesting topic! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Andrew Hamilton and Nick Capper. And if you enjoy hearing this, you can come and see us live, can't you, Carl? That's correct, Tommy. We are on Saturday, November the 23rd in Perth. Yes. In WA, in the western part of Australia. Yes, come and check that out. Tickets at littledumbdumbclub.com. Check out my special and video game at tommydasslow.com if you're on the internet.

And also, why don't you chuck a few bucks into the Little Dumb Dumb Club Patreon and support the show. Keep the lights on in here. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Andrew Hamilton and Nick Capa. Hey, mates, welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler.

And with me is always the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. Oh, g'day, Dickhead. And joining us today, please welcome onto the show two very special guests, Nick Capper and Andrew Hamilton. Yes. Yes. Two people guilty of heinous crimes, one convicted. Yes, yes. Mine is, you know, making an audience laugh to death.

I know, I know. I'm a bad guy, I can't help myself. Once I'm on a roll And we're away Yeah, yeah, yeah Welcome, Andrew So you, we've never had you on the show before No, thanks for having me, boys But we are very interested in the fact that you

I mean, look, you've got a show, you're touring at the moment You've got a book out and it's all because you went to jail Yes It's all based on the fact that you went to jail And that's what everyone... I think normal people are fascinated by that, right? That's what you would have found? Yeah, totally, man.

I think that was one of the cool things I noticed even when I first started standing up was that people in noisy rooms would shut the fuck up just to listen to me do jokes about getting locked up. Yeah, yeah. And especially in the world of comedy because I think jail like jail is like real world shit yeah comedy is like not even close to the real world like we don't even know any people

that have superannuation yeah normal people are like imagine doing comedy and then comedians are like imagine being in jail yeah yeah no we'll imagine fucking having a nine to five job like we're so far that's right there's so many comics that never have even had a real job and i like you know i worked in public relations for over a decade i sold drugs for 15 years and i went to prison so i have this wealth of stories yeah yeah very well overly well-rounded yeah public relations sounds bad that's what you went to jail for right so yeah you started doing stand-upup just after coming out of prison? Yeah, man. I got bail in October 2021 and I was under house arrest at my parents' place.

And then I signed up to do the Raw comedy competition. And I was like, well, fuck, if I'm going to do that, I should go and do some open mics. Just practice. And so I had to bring my mum along to the shows. Nice. Oh, really? Oh, right. Yeah. So you were under house arrest, so you could leave the house,

but you had to have mum with you. I had to have my parents with me. Now, let me guess. I'm doing comedy for the first time. It's a lot like the first time I had sex. Mum's here. It's a lot like the first time I had sex. I was in jail.

Did someone say your mum joke And then your mum was standing right next to you She goes yeah I would do that Yeah classic me Man it was I was lucky that she was so supportive of me doing comedy Because otherwise I would have been fucked Like when I floated that idea Of course she's going to be supportive of you doing comedy

You just got out of jail The bar was low She's going to be supportive of you doing comedy. You just got out of jail. The bar was low, you're right. She's going to be supportive of you doing anything. You're right, she was. I think she was happy for me to do anything other than dealing drugs. Yeah, that's good. Because a lot of comedians complain that their parents don't support them. That's a good tip.

Go to jail first. Set the bar so low. Go to jail before you go to uni, so then you can't disappoint your parents when you drop out. Be a DJ if you want. And then are you having to log that gig with the parole officer and be like, this is where I was on Wednesday night? So I do have to log...

If I leave New South Wales, I do have to say where I'm staying and get permission right now till Christmas this year. Oh, really? Yeah, so I'm on a two and a half year sentence, intensive corrections order, which means I'm essentially doing a prison sentence in the community right now. Right.

Travelling around with Nick Capper, essentially, is your prison sentence. I didn't mention him. I don't think I would have been allowed to leave New South Wales otherwise. Well, at least he's secure. You know, he's got a complete psycho travelling with him.

There was actually, I did my show in Sydney last week and there was actually a guy in the front row with an ankle bracelet on. Yeah, great.

And I was like, sick. Nice. This is my crowd. Yeah. Did you talk to him? Yeah. Yeah,

nice. Yeah, and he really enjoyed the show. He felt, I mean, fine, I am attracting a lot of people involved with the criminal justice system on both sides. He felt... Fine, I am attracting a lot of people involved

with the criminal justice system on both sides. So, like, cops, prison officers, criminal lawyers, and also crimps, like, either active or past crimps. That must look like a sting operation. They come to see you thinking you're their boy, and then there's also, like, the filth on the other side of the room. They're like, oh, no, it's a set-up. I know.

I'm waiting for the time where they recognise each other and shit kicks off. You're that fucking dog that got room. They're like, oh no, it's a set up. I know. I'm waiting for the time where they recognize each other. Yeah. And shit kicks off. You're that fucking dog that got me. Yeah. It's like a school disco. They're just like on opposite sides of the room. Too nervous to go anywhere near each other.

All right. Well, we're Pulp Fiction here. We're starting at the wrong point. So we're talking about you being, now, what did you go to? Look, tell me if I'm using the wrong terminology. What did you go to the big house for? What did you go into the slammer for? You sound like a cop saying that.

I got locked up for the large commercial supply of magic mushrooms, LSD, the supply of MDMA, ketamine and cocaine. Right. And then for destroying evidence and dealing with the proceeds of crime. But they dropped the ketamine and the cocaine and the other charges. They dropped the other charges down to personal use if I pled guilty to the mushrooms and

the acid, which were my two biggest charges. Right. Right. What quantities are we talking about? Like half a kilo of magic mushrooms and like 300 acid tabs and about an ounce, maybe a bit more of MDMA, half an ounce of ketamine, half an ounce of cocaine. So they got me on a quiet day, luckily.

Man, after hearing those drugs, man, you're the reasons why tie-dye shirts are still going. That's funny because if they'd have found that on Fleety, he could have actually claimed that was personal use. And he would have got away with it. The reality is I was doing about an ounce of coke a week myself. So, you know, it wasn't that far off reality. Wow.

So you were pretty active because what I've noticed about you online is anytime you post a clip that kind of gets a lot of traction, you'll often see in the comments people kind of pipe up and tag their mate and be like, I remember this guy who used to deal me mushrooms. And it's like there'll be like four or five comments like that on nearly every video you post. I still get DMs from that. I still get DMs from people like that that say, we miss you, bro.

Yeah. Well, you're saying that you get people from prison, people that, officers, people. Are you getting ex-customers coming to your shows as well? Some. Not as many as I thought would come, to be honest. Particularly when I first started in comedy. Well, they did give you a lot of money to start with. That's true.

They don't have to keep giving you money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I lost most of that. Someone told me the other day that they were at some event and they were with a bunch of friends. They were all drinking and they were trying to figure out if anyone had a contact to get Coke. And one random bloke goes,

Oh, sorry, no, my deal has become a comedian. Right. Right. Dan. and blood goes oh sorry no my deal has become a comedian great great dan man it'd be funny if you got a dm from like the creators of rick and morty like thanks brother like without your dealing we wouldn't have got the viewership up for a season four you know keeping people high enough to enjoy our show regards dan harman thanks brother did you do is it like comedy so some people get into comedy because they really love comedy and some people get into it because they're good at it. So did you get into dealing because you love drugs or you're just good at dealing?

I just love drugs. I was a huge fan of drugs and I knew people I was able to get good quality gear and so I was always a friend that had to help people out. So you'd add a markup and the next thing you know, you're selling it to friends of friends. You're like doing heaps of jokes going, fucking, let's make this. Let's go pro with this.

Well, it all started with the mushrooms, really. That was the one because I went to Thailand. I had them. I fell in love with mushrooms. And then I came back and told my mate, and he started researching how to grow them. And then we started growing different strains, and we found the gold tops, golden teachers. They grew the fastest and seemed to be the most user-friendly. So I started just focused on them

and that grew from just like a tiny little side hustle to like a booming business over the course of a decade. I have a similar story. I went to Thailand and I came home and just ate a lot of Penang curries. Very similar. Came back, started researching it yeah got your boy involved really got into it yeah yeah yeah you gotta you gotta grow mushrooms in a dark like tunnel yeah did you grow them did you find a shed or it was just my my mate's cupboard when it was

just a very small scale and then with like some humidity in there and then it just by the end it was like a whole garage and like a secret underground lair. Fuck. Is there a discussion when you're planning to do that with your friend about like who, is there an argument about who's going to be the one to have it in their house? You know what I mean? Well, I didn't have the smarts to be the lab guy.

I'm just a salesman. Right. So he was the one, he needed to be close to them. Very handy. Because he was growing them, right? So, yeah, I'm a people person. You've got the better cupboard. Your cupboard's more dank.

Mine's got light coming in. When we first started growing them, you just have these fat, wet, juicy mushrooms and then you try to eat them to get high, but they taste like shit. They're just so big and you don't know how much to have. So that was when I was like, there's got to be a better way. So we dehydrated it, got all the moisture out of the mushrooms,

put them in a blender, blended them up into a powder and started capping them. And that's when we started selling them as mushroom caps. Right. And that was kind of like a game changer for the business because then we just were able to sell people exactly one gram of mushroom every time and you could bypass the taste because of the capsule.

Right. This would have been great if you'd come back and you're making them here and you have that experience in Thailand and then you take them and you're like, it's just not as good. I think what I actually really liked was Thailand. Shut the whole thing down. I'm going to make my own singers instead. With the passion that you're talking, I'm like,

I'd like to think that prison's like rehabilitation, but you sound like you still fucking love it. You sound like you've still got the passion, the way you're talking about it. I'm not really'd like to think that prison's like rehabilitation but you sound like you still fucking love it you sound like you've still got the passion the way you're talking I'm not really sorry for what I did no I mean I I am sorry to all the people that were horribly inconvenienced by me getting arrested but

the cops had shit nights boring nights because of you yeah yeah that is something I've wondered. Like, how do the cops find the fact that you are now, like, you're out, you're rehabilitated and you are, like, making a career out of, like, talking and joking about all this stuff? Like, are they cool with it or are they, like, a bit, come on, man? From my understanding, most of them are very cool with it.

They don't care about me joking about it. They're just happy that I'm not selling drugs anymore. Right, right. Like, they don't care about you taking the piss out of out of it all as long as you've just changed your behavior

yeah okay sure so that's why I think I have a lot of cops coming to my shows because they're like they find it relatable humor

they think it's funny but then at the same time they're like there's so few guys actually go to prison and then stop doing crime when they're doing it like as a

career that they when it does happen they're like oh this guy's done it you're the poster boy yeah so that's why

I'm getting invited to do some pretty cool shit I was invited to perform at a juvenile detention centre recently for the kids

Tirana is it still going I remember all these people would get threatened with Tirana there was a place called Tirana

what's that it was just the name of the facility in Victoria like bad kids would go to Tirana. Yeah, okay. Well, this is what he'd use at the well.

It's called Cobham and they got me to come in to perform for Christmas for the boys at like midday. A lot of them I don't even think they knew I was coming

and I'm suddenly just sitting there. They'd all got asked to sit down and I'm just telling them stand-up jokes and fuck, it was pretty rough.

Yeah, right. I mean, the police wouldn't be that hard on you because it could be worse i mean carl went to thailand and came back a pedophile hey i was one going you also need a good cupboard to get that going similar thing no the cops must just be like yeah we had this other guy who rehabilitated himself and he does slam poetry now so at least at least we can take a little out into your shows and it's a good time. Yeah, yeah.

Who's another prisoner that's like kind of done like... Turned it around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know. I guess those guys would have gotten a kick out of going and seeing like Chopper do his like... Oh, yeah, Chopper. Speaking talks and stuff like that.

Is there any... Has Heath Franklin been impersonating you yet? Is he? We're in talks. Oh, yeah, Chopper. Speaking talks and stuff like that. Is Heath Franklin been impersonating you yet? Is he? We're in talks. Oh, man. I'm going to launch that. Tommy Dasolo's Andrew Hamilton. Draw the tats on.

Yeah, yeah, dude. And I'm just doing Chopper. I'm just doing Heath's Chopper. Yeah, yeah. Sell me mushrooms. All right, so that's the setup. That's how you did it. So what's the slip up?

How did you get done? How did you get caught? Oh, I mean, that part's the set-up. That's how you did it. So what's the slip-up? What was the... How did you get done? How did you get caught? Oh, I mean, that part's not particularly funny. My fiancé, my ex-fiancé... Oh, spoilers. ...had had just too much cocaine, had, like, a mental breakdown and thought the mafia were trying to kill her or something

and ran off and got picked up by the cops and told them that I was a massive drug dealer. Oh, no! And that was a problem because I was, you know? Fuck! She was paranoid about everything except for that one detail. The one chink in my arm. You can be paranoid about things that are true.

It's fine. Fuck, really? That's how it happened? Yeah, 15 years. Never close to being caught. You were doing it for 15 years? Yeah. What?

Man, you don't want to give away all the bits of the book, but we were getting a beer yesterday and I'm like, oh, this beer's good, this beer's good. And I'm like, oh, man, what about this beer? And he's like, oh, I love that beer. I used to have that on tap at my pizza restaurant. Right, because you were also running a pizza restaurant at this time, right? Yeah, because when I stopped being a degenerate gambler i the money just piled up so quick and during covid i was

just ordering so many shit pizzas i was like fuck it i'm opening a pizza store so well hang on so what you were such a successful drug dealer that you then bought a pizza shop yeah well i was making like 30 40 grand a week yeah it's got to go somewhere time to open a domino's franchise so did you like just pick your favorite pizza shop and like buy it no i built it from scratch oh we created our own one so i built your own pizza shop that speed sounds real good fuck so how good was the pizza it was was great. It was called Brooklyn Crispy. We did like Thin and Crispy style pizzas. And I invented the idea of nutritionally approved pizzas for dogs.

We had dog pizzas on the menu. And so all the gays of Potts Point would spend like $40 on the human menu and $100 on the dog pizza menu. All the people would come for their dog's birthdays and shit. This is like Al Capone going to jail for the wrong thing. You should have

gone to jail for inventing dog pizzas. Dog pizzas. Fair. They had an episode of Fusey, We Got a Problem, where he ragged on it.

He was like, I'm trying to eat a pizza and there's dogs. That's very funny. Tommy, you would get a pizza for your dog wouldn't you

absolutely yeah I don't think this sounds weird at all but it is also colouring why your parents are so happy that you're doing comedy it's like

oh thank god his reform isn't another fucking dog pizza joint again another thing that makes comedy look more legitimate I thought that

they would hate me getting on stage and doing jokes about me being a drug dealer and going to prison. Yeah. But, yeah, it was cool that they were so supportive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

You were just talking about Husey before because you were just on his radio show before. It was funny because you were getting a lot of abuse from listeners because you were coming in and being very pro. They were very angry about you being an ex-meth dealer. But not meth dealer. Oh, not meth. Come on, man. Come, not meth. Come on.

Come on, man. Come on, dude. Come on. It was a psychedelic scene. This man's our guest. Get your drugs right. Is that like a... That's where you draw the line.

I would never sell meth, heroin, or GHB, partly because they fucking destroy you, but also because someone ODs is going to come straight back to me. I just wanted the user-friendly drugs. Man, are the meth guys, are they like the cruise ship comics? That's what I was going to come straight back to me. I just wanted the user-friendly. Man, are the meth guys, are they like the cruise ship comics? That's what I was going to say. That's like stand-up and then the TikTokers and stuff. You don't want to be dealing with people scratching at your door

at four in the morning. Right. Yeah, man, I'll pay you next week, I promise, brother. Mushrooms are like, dude, deals close at seven o'clock at night. You don't hear from them. So who's the coolest dealer then? Who's the top? The coolest dealer?

Yeah, in terms of like if meth's the worst, what's the most reputable drug to deal? Oh, I mean, I love selling mushrooms because I had a monopoly on it. No one else was selling them as consistently and in large amounts as I was. So you were number one mushroom guy in Sydney? I was the mushroom king of Sydney for a decade, yeah. I never really hear about people having a mushroom guy. It's always like, oh, my brother grew this.

There's never like a, you know what I mean? There's never like a guy out there servicing the community. Yeah. And like sometimes people are like, oh man, that's too much for mushrooms. I could just go pick them. I'm like, cool, dude, go pick them. Like go have fun. But like you might only be able to find a handful.

Yeah. And like it's seasonal, cool, dude, go pick them. Go have fun. But you might only be able to find a handful. And it's seasonal. That's funny that you had a pizza restaurant. You couldn't mix up the mushrooms. You're dealing with large quantities of two different mushrooms. You can't mix business and pleasure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you dealing out of the shop?

No. Okay. And is the shop still there? I separated church and state. So I would just, the people would run the restaurant and I would just sit at home and sell drugs. Yep. So you're just like, you're an investor.

You're a silent partner. You were Walter White with the car wash. Yeah, nice, nice. So is Brooklyn Crispy still there? No, it went under when I was locked up because it was during COVID, it was struggling financially and because I wasn't able to pump it full of drug money anymore because I was locked up, it went under.

I think the only way people can have a successful restaurant is if they're involved in crime, surely, because you've got to run at a loss for a couple of years before it really gets You've got to sell a lot of those $100 dog pizzas. It's so hard to make money out of a restaurant. So you're saying Ronald McDonald was a coke dealer to start with. When I was in jail, people were like, dude, what were you doing money laundering or opening a restaurant, dude? I had all these bikies listening,

all these other much smarter ways you could clean money. They're like, just open up a hair salon, man, and you can just say you had 40, 50 wash and drys today and just pour shampoo and conditioner down the drain and there you go. Or open a doggy daycare center and just say you had 50 dogs in there that day. So a restaurant

was a bad idea but Jesus Christ if any of your listeners are looking to laud of money get into the

doggy daycare I would say go through patreon.com slash little dumdum club or whatever that's the best one

I would say I did hear man though that pizza restaurants are good because can't you just claim heaps of dough

like flour and stuff is that a pun yeah always on baby Pizza restaurants are good because can't you just claim heaps of dough, like flour and stuff? Is that a pun? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Get out. I'm always on, baby. Get the fuck out.

No, no, no, but you can always claim. You always have all these ingredients when stale or something like that? Maybe. I don't know. Between the rent and staff costs, yeah, it didn't last. Yeah, fuck. That's amazing. What do you do? It's so amazing man i love it so the cops come around raid your house yeah and then put you away i was high

on coke and they just started smashing through the front door with a battering ram and they were like ballet they were ballied up and like got like shields and everything and i was hiding behind the bedroom door and they just threw me to the ground and started mouthing off. And is this COVID? Is this still during COVID? It was in between COVID lockdowns in Sydney. I was going to say, that's a great defence. If they're like, you're coming with us,

you're like, oh, the clink's five kilometres away from my house. So go and find boys, I'm safe. You didn't hear. It was in Sydney during COVID lockdowns. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like, you can do what the fuck you want. It was weird that the Sydney lockdown started again when I was locked up. And so people were stuck in their houses having mental health issues.

And I was in prison playing touch footy. Oh, you could touch people. I was much more social in jail than I could have been in the free world. Everyone's on that, you's on that Zoom party thing. Everyone's locked in their house by themselves and you're just there with the boys. Yeah, it's me and fucking Nutbuster. We're hanging out.

We're playing touch footy. Nutbuster? Nutbuster. Any interesting theories about the Vax flying around in the prison? Oh, man, there's all kinds of wild theories. Yeah, you get a bunch of guys with, like, crazy conspiracy theories in your ear when you're walking around the yard because you're just out in the yard all day. Yep.

Of course they're going to have them. It's like, that's why people had them outside because the whole world turned into jail. Yeah. That's when you have them, when you're fucking locked up. Yeah. Jail would be nothing but conspiracy theories. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. There was one guy that was trying to convince me that Hitler was a Jew and, you know, you're just not along. And then he's like, you're a smart guy. Just do your independent research. Yeah. Yeah, right. Because I was saying the other day, like, smartphones,

like, you know when you're a kid and someone would bring up a fact, but you couldn't fact check it on a smartphone. Yeah. You'd be like, yeah, dirty long legs, most venomous spider in the world. Yes. The only thing is, is the pincers aren't big enough. Yeah. You're just like, did, dirty long legs, most venomous spider in the world. The only thing is the pinters aren't big enough. You're just like, did you hear about the girl who put a test tube up a pussy and it smashed? Wild.

You know what I mean? Oh, that happened at my school as well. Is that first one true? Because I never actually looked that one up. Yeah, I've never looked it up either. But in jail, you've got no social media. No, but you do have fact check systems, right? So you debate stuff for a while, other guys will get looped in, argue it,

and then when you've finally got to settle it, someone will call a loved one on the phone to go and look it up. Oh, really? Who wants to be a millionaire style? Hey, Mum, it's Ivan. Me and the boys in Long Bay just want to know, the daddy long legs thing, is it true? Did Marilyn Manson really take a rib out to suck your own dick?

A lot of shit like that, yeah. Can you look that up? Yes, no worries, Mr. Bryant. That is the thing when you go to a trivia night and you can't be on your phone and just look up the answer. It's like, it's the only place in the world where you're not allowed to do that anymore. And it drives you insane, because you're just there, there you're like i know i can fucking find this out

right now if i just get my fucking goddamn phone out all right so you go so you get sentenced you go to you go to court do you do you do the great trick do you defend yourself or have you got someone i had a lawyer so when i originally got bail i was i was in jail in remand for four months which is like unsentenced prison. Then we went for bail and I brought like the biggest book I had in my cell, which was like a Game of Thrones book. And I put on my glasses just because I thought if I look intellectual. Bullshit.

I was like, maybe they'll think, oh, this guy's not so bad. I don't know if that helps. But yeah, so we got bail and then I was under house arrest for nine months and then I got sentenced in July 2022. And one of the reasons the judge kept me out of prison was that he liked that I was rehabilitating myself through stand-up. Right. Yeah.

But how long were you actually in jail for all that? Four months. Four months. Yeah. But when you're in remand, you don't know how long you're going to be in there because it's like you're supposed to be in there until you get sentenced, unless you get bail. So I'd already made peace with the fact

that I thought I was going to be in there for years. Yeah, so when you finally got done, was this something that you had... Had this been like on the back of your mind? Like, were you like, all right, my life's run out? Or had you reached a point where you're like, I've done this for a while I'm pretty invincible I thought I was invincible

I thought I was too smart for cops to just what hovering around the train station with a bunch of sniffer dogs and like looking for like Lebanese guys

in a Mercedes and I'm like driving around in a go get car share like thinking I'm you know just totally under the radar and I was

until I got pointed out by my own fiance yeah so I was not thinking that it was ever going to happen and that's why I was so I got pointed out by my own fiancé. Yeah, so I was not thinking that it was ever going to happen. And that's why I was so dumb with my money, because when you're in that, you think that the sky's never going to fall, right? So I was just putting so much into gambling and booze and food and drugs

and, yeah, never was putting much away. So not before prison, How are you feeling? Like before you go in, are you like fucking losing your mind knowing that the next morning you have to go to prison? No, it wasn't like that. My house got raided and I got taken straight there. Oh, right.

So my house got raided and then I'm coked up. I don't have any time to think about it. Next thing you know, I'm in a cell going, fuck, that was heavy. And then they're like, bail refused, drawn a truck straight to park lee prison and so like it all happens so so quickly that you don't really have any time to process any while you're high and then you're like coming down like and so like i would have been if i come down if i hadn't just

been like knowing that it was looming i would have been way more stressed yeah but then because i got forced into it and then i'm having a fine time when i got out, the undercover cops came to see me when I was on bail and they tried to offer me a deal. They were like, oh, mate, we can get you 60% off your sentence if you give us information. And I said, there's a chance I may not be going back. And they're like, oh, you're going back. They try to scare you.

And so they were like, oh, it doesn't even have to be Someone you like You can dob in someone That you don't like Right I was like that's good to know You know Probably should be yeah But

I said I said look guys Like you really should try To do this before Someone goes to prison Like Not when they come out And they realise it was fine

Yeah And they said We tried to But they couldn't get in Because of COVID The lockdown Oh great The lockdown stopped Even the cops from getting into prison

to be able to talk to you. Not in my bubble. You would have been like, must be nice. You weren't allowed in jail. Dude, that's so funny. Remember you used to see those notices, I don't know if they're still around, like Dobbin a Dealer? Yeah.

And it was like Dobbin a Dealer Day in Dobbin a Dealer. But one of my mates, he went out with this girl Who was pretty hot In the student accommodation place I lived in And then they started going to get weed Off this guy called Ugly Doug Who was like the ugliest man on earth He was very ugly And I didn't like Ugly Doug

He was just annoying He was very rude to me Probably because I was on par with ugliness He's like fucking another ugly guy stepping on my territory yeah he didn't respect me at all and then ugly doug ended up taking my mate's girlfriend right yeah yeah and she was like pretty hot yeah yeah that's a bad story to have to say to someone how'd you lose your girlfriend to ugly doug oh man we didn't please just tell me it's anyone but ugly doug. Please don't tell me you sucked off Ugly Doug.

I mean, I would have been fine losing it to Doug. Ugly Doug. Doug Mulray, yes. Ugly Doug, no. But, yeah, it was so funny. There was like a bit of breathing room. We didn't want to hurt him too much. And then, like, about a couple of weeks later, we're on the beers and we're like,

I can't believe Ugly Doug fucked your missus. You're a fucking moron. You know, just waiting for it. But because I didn't respect Ugly Doug, I was like, I knew where he lived. I was like, fuck, I would love to call the Dobby and Deal a line. You attempted. Yeah, I was nearly going to do it. No, I wouldn't have done it, but it did cross my mind.

The only time it's crossed my mind, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you're in the truck. Truck going to jail. How quickly do you turn prison gay? Do you suck anyone off on the bus or how does it work? 27 minutes in, he's waited for that.

You're welcome. I thought you don't want to start too hot. Yeah, I thought it'd come in after, hey, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Andrew. It turns out it's not really like that, but I was too late. I was already sucking a dude off. And I was like, man, you don't have to do that.

Hey, man, it's 2022. We don't do that kind of stuff here anymore. You already sucked off two cops that were in the race. Jesus Christ. I thought it was a baton You always see these stories About like corrupt police officers And I was like

Man I would have loved To have a corrupt cop Like come and ask me For a bribe I would have happily paid it Just for a tip off Before they were Oh yeah

Yeah It's funny Like in Australia Like mainstream jail yards Are like mostly homophobic So like you know For guys to be Like gay

Or anyone to rape someone They'd get bashed Very very badly Yeah right Really But isn't that I mean I would assume That's the attitude

All around the world Until you're in there For a while And start going Look I mean I know guys That have done 20 years in prison

There's no real point Where you're like You know 5, 7 years in You're like You know what I think I like dudes now. Yeah. It's as good as it's going to get.

But then again, I don't think anyone's sitting around and going, you know what? I think I might start telling the story about how I fucked a man. True. They're not going to bust it out. To answer your question somewhat, there was a condom dispenser on the wall in one of the yards of Parklea Prison. So I was like, okay. Okay. There you go.

Just in case. Yeah, just in case and so you did so like publicly prominently displayed you're seeing a guy go up and get a little condom and you're like

what's this guy planning but like yeah they had that there they also you never used it obviously I use it for a posh wank every now and then

yeah right you're more of a bareback man so you never actually used it so yeah I mean the gayest thing that happened to me was just a guy pinched me on the ass a couple of times and I was like, oh, that could be a problem

because he was like twice my size. Yeah, okay. And then I got moved to another prison wing. Oh, really? Because of that? No, not because of that, no, no. I'd been like trying to get a job. I thought you went to HR in a prison.

I got pinched on the bum. That would just make your life so much worse. But you don't know that going in, right? So are you like, yeah, are you on the bus being like,

fuck, here we go. This could all be, this could all be kicking off immediately. I was still recovering from my three day coke bender. So I really wasn't, I was just like,

take it one step at a time. Yeah. I wasn't really thinking that far ahead i didn't know what i was walking get my little boy pussy cleaned up just in case yeah yeah man i never thought to ask you this too did you because you know the same prison you got a fucking you know like declare that you're the most powerful or whatever first up did you just walk in and just like okay maybe i should punch the biggest guy in the face straight up?

Nah, it's not really... Do any of those cliches ring true, any of the prison...? No. I mean, you definitely do have to stick up for yourself. Guys will sometimes test you. Like, I had guys try and push in front of me on the line for the phone, and, you know, that guy's half my size, and you've got to stick up for yourself,

because if you let them, then next thing you know, you'll have guys coming into your cell to rob you and stuff like that yeah um so and i saw well you fuck them or you know whatever it is yeah anything like that you know it's a sliding you know it's a dangerous slippery slope right you know you're having a royal wank and then they come in take the condom that'll be mine thank you put the mouth on I saw a guy get like beaten up

a couple of times and I said to my cellmate I'm like oh man like I really like that bloke I want to stick up for him he's like you can't stick up for him unless he sticks up

for himself like you can't you gotta let people you gotta let people do their own jail that's what you hear a lot of the time when guys are struggling

you gotta let people do their own jail so but or there's what you hear a lot of the time. When guys are struggling, you've got to let people do their own jail. You'd see drug addicts would target other drug addicts, like guys that went to the methadone clinic to get methadone tablets. As soon as they got back to the cell, the yard, guys would bash them and make them throw up and they'd eat the spew. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's called spewies.

It's called what? Spewies. Spewies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Clever. Clever name. There we go. Clever name for it.

They get the methadone out of you. Wow, that's awesome. All right, here we go. That's grim. Yeah. Holy shit, dude. Stuff like that happens. But look,

the drugs in jail are so putrid that I was like, you know, if there was coke floating around, I would have had a problem. But there was, there was none of that. It's like a little bit of ice, a lot of this thing called bupe, which I think in Melbourne is called subby, suboxone, which is like a heroin substitute. It's like, comes in strips. That's like the biggest drug in Aussie prisons. Right.

It comes in strips. That's like the biggest drug in Aussie prisons. Right. And so there's a lot of that that gets smuggled in or guys that go to the methadone clinic. But none of those drugs were ones that at all appealed to me. So it was quite easy for me to get off drugs. Are you still buying anything in cigarettes in there? Or is that like cash?

Is that like old school? We don't do cash anymore. We don't do cigarettes anymore. It's just the Greeks in there. The jails are of cigarettes now. You used to be able to buy them. I think it was called White Ox, I believe was the brand. But now you've got to smuggle them in.

Or otherwise, guys smoke banana leaves. Oh, right. How do you get banana... Oh, the actual leaves off. Yeah, they get bananas, they dry them out and they smoke it just to inhale something. Yeah, right. But you're not allowed to do that.

I'm assuming you've got to sneak that around or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, you're not supposed to be able to light anything on fire. That'd be cool. You're like, who's the toughest guy in the prison? It's got a guy in the corner with a white singlet just smoking a banana. Yeah.

That's legit. Yeah, that's really what happened. Banana flavour. Yeah. So there's no buying stuff in cigarettes anymore. So what are you doing? Do they give you an allowance in there? What's the monetary sort of situation?

So, yeah, you do have a prison money account and you get... Everyone in jail gets paid, or in New South Wales at least, something like $18 a week just for being an inmate. You get paid that by the government. That's twice what Kappa gets. That's awesome. $180.

The reason for that is because you can buy up to $100 worth of groceries a week if you have loved ones putting money into your account. Oh, right. But if some guys don't have any family, then suddenly the haves and the have-nots becomes a pretty violent situation. So the government pays you at least $18 so you can get a couple of things. Ah, right. Of course course that makes

sense yeah so so if you've got family that care about you and they give you any money you're going to be targeted well it's not so much that you're targeted i mean it's certainly there are if any guy looks like a pushover and they have a pretty nice buy-up then like they're going to have problems yeah but uh it's just so that like at least the guys who don't have a support network at least get something so that absolutely like the rest of society yeah to stop anyone for fucking yeah stealing everything but but you can get jobs in jail where you can get like maybe like an extra 20 30 bucks a week did you did you get a job i did have a job in a packaging factory for a couple of weeks but it was shit i i was i worked so hard to get a job and then as soon as i had it i was like oh i had this shit job when i was in jail the whole concept of jail

i think's bad enough you can't take me back to the dog pizzas i said i quit my job in jail as soon as i got it i regretted it i was like i want actually i prefer to work part-time this is too much yeah i want to work from home it is so funny that's awesome you get a job and say can I work from home sure and then you leave prison and go home

you get like you get 18 bucks a week just for being in jail but you get like 30 bucks or 35 bucks a week for working a job so you only get like

an extra 18 bucks a week for working like 30 hours a week right so it's like so it's like what you're getting paid like a dollar an hour

or some bullshit so but the reason why it's like, what, you're getting paid like a dollar an hour or some bullshit. But the reason why it's like it's the gift of working. It's supposed to be that it makes your time go faster. Right. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that, yeah. But I was like, I'd rather just be in the yard playing cards and exercising than... Yeah.

Well, you got all that gay sex to bunker down and get stuck into. Well, he was getting paid for that as well. So that was... That was a good earner actually it's so funny you're just working in the factory like oh man can't wait to get back to the cell what am i gonna do this weekend in jail so i had to get back to digging a hole in the wall with my pamela poster over the what are you up to this weekend boys because you were at the packaging factory for so long of the day and like my biggest thing for me that kept me sane was just having cups of coffee like i bought nescafe blend 43 was my fancy item on the

buyout that i used to get oh yeah what do you got what do you got on the on the list it's like chocolates um chips soft drink noodles they had all kinds of like healthy stuff like canned corn and span and and fried rice and all kinds of and uh pans. This is sounding all right. Yeah. Do they have like fancy – do they have theme nights? Is there any like Parma night or is there any – is there anything like that? Any specials? Once a month when you were good, there was a barbecue. They put on a barbecue. Oh, yeah.

There we go. Yeah. But because you're at the packaging factory for so long and I really like having my coffees and when you go to the factory, you can't take anything with you. They pat you down and you get metal wandered and everything. And so you don't have anything. And so I said to the screw that managed the factory, I was like, hey, man, I think it would be nice if like once a week,

like we could bring some of our buy-up stuff to the factory with us for the week. So we have some food. Because I was having to smuggle. Oh, you couldn't have like a smoker or anything like that? No, I was having to smuggle my Nes't have like a smoker or anything like that no I was having to smuggle my Nescafe Blend 43 under my ball sack into the

into the factory amazing that's Blend 69 you couldn't you couldn't smuggle it in your ass you couldn't smuggle

it in your ass because that was already full of cum as we've documented it reached max capacity you want milk with that I was doing this thing I invented called cummies where I was trying to tea in front You want milk with that? I was doing this thing I invented called cummies where I was trying to...

Tea in front, milk out back. Wow, a two-spouted teapot. This is crazy. So, yeah, I was having to smuggle coffee into the packaging factory. So I was like, this is stupid. So I negotiated on behalf of all the workers. So he allowed us to bring it over once in a while.

Oh, you're the guy now. Yeah. You're the guy like they talk about. Oh, he's the guy that got us Nescafe privileges in the factory. That's it. Yeah. Fuck.

There's a statue of you made out of noodles. So how long, so total time in there for four months? 125 days. Yeah, four months. 125 days yeah four months days right and how much like notice did you get that you were being let out zero like you you went for your i went for my bail hearing and i had low expectations because after you have like so many setbacks in there you stop trying to get your hopes up because it just becomes such a dangerous thing yeah like yeah

you've just you have so many things that don't go well when you have your hopes up and it fucking crushes you so hard that by the end you just you they say in jail yeah you hope for the best but you expect the worst yeah so that's why the mentality i had so when i got it i was i couldn't believe it yes i can go to an open mic yeah finally and deal with even worse people. Send me back to jail, actually. So if you went back now, if you went back now, like it was like the last episode of Seinfeld, if you went back and you got to do stand-up in there,

what would be the relatable gear that you could do in there? Like what's the stuff that people in prison want to hear about? If you think back, what's the gear that the funny sort of subjects that people would go off for? I mean, I am probably going to be performing in a prison next year. Like, we're in the middle of talks about it. I was originally supposed to go to one of the maximum security prisons

in Sydney in February to perform, but they realised that I'm currently doing a sentence and so I wasn't allowed to be in there. Oh, yeah. Which is pretty funny. Like, I'm not allowed to go into a prison while I'm doing a prison sentence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right?

That's, you know, you never go double prison. Yeah, it's double jeopardy. They can't get you again. I was like, surely I'm more qualified than anyone else. So I've got to wait until next year. But, I mean, man, yeah, anything to do with buy-up. The best day of the week is buy-up day, which is when you get your groceries every week.

So that's like the airplane material is it in there that's a buy up buy up day I think buy up day or bronzing up

which is a term which is like when any guy who's like not well in the head is like acting out they'll cover themselves head to toe

in their own shit yeah that's like that's a big term in jail does that happen a lot I never saw it happen but every guy who's done any like proper stints would That's a big term in jail. Does that happen a lot? I never saw it happen, but every guy who's done any proper stints would say that they've seen it.

Right. Yeah. Chris Lilley did it a fair bit, didn't he? Wasn't he doing that? And that was the crime, ironically. Bronzing up on a shoe. Dude, we got makeup here. No, no, no. No, no, no no i don't want you to go down for

what i'm doing on i'm gonna keep this all in house so that's that's what you that's the stuff that people in there would want to hear stand-up material about you man i think anything about family visits and the awkwardness of that or like smuggling drugs into the jail or just the battles for phone queues. I mean, it's just heaps of shit. I love that. It's just the day-to-day stuff. It was even funny like any time there was the smallest drop of rain or it was too cold, you'd have like a guy represent the whole yard

to ask if we could just get locked back up like straight away, like in the morning. You'd be released out of your cells at like 8.30 and we'd be back in our cells by like but did you want that to happen yeah man because like you get just if it was freezing cold or pouring rain and you're out in a yard with like barely any shelter you'd rather be like toasty in your bed watching like uh daytime tv and reading books yeah well you don't want to stretch your legs you don't get sick of being in your cell you stretch your legs for six hours seven six hours a day every every day. So it's like,

if you miss one day because it's freezing cold, you're not missing it too much. Ah, right. Okay, cool, cool. You'd rather watch Moira sell fucking kettles or whatever.

Yeah, what would you, what jokes could we write for jail? You know what I mean? We've got buy-up day and bronzing up. You know what I mean? These specific,

like, jail jokes, like, because you go into the jail and you can't test them anyway. You need to go to, like, smaller jails and, like, test the jokes? Because you go into the jail and you can't test them anyway. You need to go to smaller jails and test the jokes out before you have your big maximum security one. Yeah, that's good. It's good to be here.

I was just in the pedo wing, so it's good to be anywhere. Well, that's the boneyard. That's what it's called. That's the protection wing. That's where the pedos and any police informants and cops, all those guys go. But you get informed and you get chucked in with the pedos and any police informants and cops, all those guys go. But you get informed and you get chucked in with the pedos. That's rough.

Yeah, pedos, rapists, informants all together. All you did was snitch and then you're in there with all them being like, well, this is, I mean, this is unfair. We're not the same. Who was the best and worst crimes that you were in with? Like who, what were the sort of people that you were with? Like a lot of murderers. Really?

Yeah. That's the other thing. I mean, he's just selling mushrooms. Yeah, that's true. He's just, like, supplying people, having them on New Year's Eve. When you were in Remand, I was on a Class A, so my charges were as serious as a murder in terms of, like, where you get put

before you get sentenced, right? Once I got sentenced I would have been sent to minimum security but before pre-sentencing I was in maximum so yeah you're in there with guys are in there for kidnapping murder all that kind of stuff but then like anything that's considered undesirable rape abuse of a woman or a kid anything like that they just get pushed to the protection wings. But sometimes guys lie. Sometimes guys just want to be in the main yard

because they don't think they're part of that group. And so they'll be in a main yard until they get found out. Sneak in. Well, no, because when you first arrive at jail, they'll ask you, like, do you need protection, right? And if you say no, they'll ask you, like, do you need protection, right? Oh, okay, right. If you say no, they'll put you in the main yard, and then people may or may not find out your charges. So, like, luckily, people would ask me, and I would say mushrooms.

They'd be like, oh, that's hilarious. And then, luckily, I was all over the news, so, like, if anyone checked, it verified. Right. But sometimes it'd be... Seems like they should have a better system than just asking the inmates what they're... Yeah, that's what they're eating. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Where do you want to be?

There was one guy in my yard at Park Lee who, he might have lied about his charges, but his cellmate found his charge sheet in the bin and he bashed a baby. And so he was told, you've got five minutes to buzz up and get the fuck out of here or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. And he was like, nah, man, the boys here respect me. Like, he thought he had friends. And then he refused to leave. And then 15 minutes later, someone came in and broke his jaw in like three places. Wow.

Oh, my God. I'd be... The phrasing, bashed a baby. Fuck. There's something truly insane about that. Yeah. Fucking hell. Dude.

Just go in there and say, I killed Harold Holt. That was me. Right? That's where he went. I killed him. I'm a Chinese submarine. Yes. I drove the submarine.

I hit him. It was me. Yeah. But so, yeah, sometimes it can take a while for people to get found out, though. You know, sometimes it's the guards tip them off,

tip people off. Oh, yeah. Fuck. You'll go to a family visit and one of the screws will say to someone, like, watch that guy around your kids. know just something jesus christ this is a lot you've taken in in four months i have to say it was enough to write a book yeah yeah yeah never never like we've we've been hanging out the last two days and it never gets like not surprising or you know it's it's

like totally it's it's always interesting it's like it must be like a much worse aversion but similar to being on holidays you know when you're on holidays and everything seems like it takes forever and there's so many different things that happen that's what jail sounds like a much grimmer version of it was a lot you, Andrew? Is it like being on holidays? For me, it was because I think my life was such a mess. Like I was doing so much coke and I was just like in such a bad spiral that it ended up saving my life. Like it was like rehab for me. So there's part of you that's like this is a real line in the sand,

other side of this like I'm going to have to run it back on track. So it's like rehab. So if you relapse with drugs and you go fuck i need to i need more rehab i'll sell more drugs you'll just run someone over no i'm not violent i'll sell more drugs for sure but you'd see there was a i put this in the book there was a guy walking the yard one day and he looked so happy and he just he said to his mate everyone should go to jail and i knew exactly what he meant because you don't know what you got until you lose it all get that perspective yeah and that's what it was like you know i just i had a newfound appreciation for my friends that stuck

by me my family my health just like the things that i still had even though i lost like a lot i was like i still got a lot yeah yeah so yeah that was a very weird path to be like in my head, if I could start again, what would I do? And my only answer in my head was, you should do stand-up. Wow. So did you like stand-up before? Or is it because you walked out and you went, I've got some stories to tell?

I love stand-up. I used to go to it in Sydney all the time. Did you ever see Kappa? Because Kappa used to do stand-up in Sydney. I don't think I remember seeing Kappa. God damn it. Must not not went into Any open mics

Must only went to Reputable Establishments Yeah yeah There were good gigs Yeah But Yeah

I was I was a fan of comedy And I used to write down Jokes on my phone Like joke ideas But I was too much Of a pussy to I never looked into

Like where you would go To even try it But you said You went to shows Yeah But like Good to even try it. But you said you went to shows. Yeah. But like good shows. You figured it out. But good shows, not shows where you could put your name in a bucket and have a go.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure. What about for us? If we ever go to jail, if one of us three ever go in, what should give us three tips? If all of a sudden we wake up, we're in the back of the van, we're chucked out, three rules to live by in jail. I get into a disagreement with a baby and I just bash the shit out of it.

Try not to mouth off at people. No mouthing off. Well, you're done, day one. I've got two to go. I've still got two chances. If someone attacks you, fight back. It doesn't matter if you lose.

You have to fight back? Yeah, yeah. Even if you lose, you'll get respect just you fight back. It doesn't matter if you lose. You have to fight back? Yeah, yeah. Even if you lose, you'll get respect just for fighting back. Sure, okay. Yep. I don't... Yeah, don't rack up gambling or drug debts. You know, that seems to be, like, the main things that get people in trouble.

Oh, really? Yeah, mouthing off, racking up debts. Okay. Yeah, itouthing off, racking up debts. Okay. Yeah, it was my... My dad, like, sent me a letter when I'd been in there for, like, two weeks. He'd Googled, like, how to... That's beautiful, just to start with. Your dad writing you a letter.

Yeah, he wrote me a letter. What a great place to end up. You finally get your dad to write you a letter. That's nice. Because family visits were banned because of the COVID outbreak. And so he wrote me a letter about... He'dled how to survive in prison oh yes oh wow helpful and well the first one was like uh take some time to like uh get to know your surroundings before you like make friends you know like don't make friends with people straight away right so like

when i eventually spoke to him i had to be like sorry dad like everyone't make friends with people straight away. Right. So when I eventually spoke to him, I had to be like, sorry, Dad, everyone I made friends with, they're all criminals. Yeah. Sort of unavoidable. Number two, get a back tattoo of the escape route of the prison, the map of the prison. And so like your parents being like, yeah, we saw Rove on the TV the other night. You should ask him if you can have a gig on his show.

It's like your parents emailing you in jail being like, yeah, we're watching The Green Mile. What do you think? Anything in that? Try and stick in the good neighbourhood of the jail. Just so people have only done one rape. Have you tried digging a tunnel to get out? Yeah.

I'll send you a Rita Hayworth poster. Yeah. Are you in this for 40 years? Please. I'll send you a chocolate cake. Wink, wink. Well, yeah, they do have pretty robust systems now to check everything that people mail in because a lot of people would mail in drugs in books and letters

and stuff like that. They place it with drugs. Yeah, right. Now they'll take the letter out of the envelope, photocopy it, and then they'll send you the photocopy of the letter. I wonder if you could put a file in a cake and just think like, you know, this is so like an old cartoon version of sneaking something in. Maybe they're not even going to bother checking because it's so old school.

How much trouble do you get in for putting a file in a cake and sending it in? Can you go to jail for doing that? That would be good. Yeah. Well, you wouldn't even get a cake. You wouldn't be allowed. You wouldn't be allowed. Yeah, that works on the presumption

that every inmate is just like having a fucking cake every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a big cake that's shaped like a gun. It's shaped like a gun. You're like, oh, there's no way that'd be a fucking gun. I used to have an old podcast where I would talk to people about their lives when they'd gone to shit and how they'd recovered.

And my first guest ever was a guy named John Killick, who he spent like most of his life in prison. He was like an old bank robber. And his girlfriend hijacked a helicopter at gunpoint and landed in the yard at Silverwater Prison and he escaped. This was like around the time of the 2000 Olympics. Good cover. Everyone a bit distracted.

Kofi Freeman's halfway down the straight. Now's the time to get in the chopper. Strawberry kisses have started up. And it was the greatest prison escape in Australian history. They were on the run for like 40 days. That's amazing. But she hijacked it at gunpoint with a gun that didn't work. Oh, you should be allowed to get away if you did that.

That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was like the second time he'd had a woman break him out of prison. Like he'd done it before. He had two women break him out of prison. Yeah, and I was like, dude, what's your secret?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, were you getting letters from any honeys when you were in there? Actually, sorry. That's very funny. He's had two different women break him out of prison. You had one that put you in. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Obviously. You're bad with women compared to John Kelly. Real bad. Bad.

Fuck. Yeah. Is that a thing? Do you just get the letters? Because like you were saying, you were like in the news and stuff. You were like quite a prominent arrest. I got one letter from a girl in another prison whom my mate had like told to write me.

And then I replied. I never heard back from her again. But when I was on bail, a girl came to a gig that I was at and asked me if when I go back, she could write me. And I was like, yeah, no worries. And then when I got sentenced and I wasn't going back, I mess her I'm like hey I'm not going back like we can just like chat or hang out and she was like no nah like I she fuck she was only interested if I was locked up I got him at arm's length yeah she didn't want me if I was actually available right she wanted me she just wanted to what it was like to get pummeled in the ass every night.

She wants the conjugal visits. Yeah. Just that sweet room. I was like, fuck, that's so strange, but oh well. Yeah. Hey, what if they had the Olympics in prison, wouldn't want to get bronzed? That's the first one you could do. You know, that's a good joke.

Yep. I think you'd have your fucking sentence know, that's a good joke. Yep. I think you'd have your fucking sentence extended if you opened with that one. Yeah. Yeah, it's going to be interesting when I do a prison show. I love it. I love this idea of what prison, like, because sometimes you do a gig and it's like, oh, we're out in the country, they like this sort of joke. Or, you know, you do a footy club and you go, oh, Macca's the big dickhead in here.

It's like, who's the, who did the most? Come on, boys, who's the big pedophile? Yeah, yeah. Doing a bit of crowd work. Who's the youngest baby you fucked? Fucking hell. So you got the book out. Yeah.

It's called, what is it, The Benefits of a Stint in Prison? The Profound Benefits of a Stint in Prison. You got a quote from a friend of the show, Dave Hughes, on the front cover. Hughes, he was very kind, yes. He was happy to add a quote and he actually read the book. Yeah. That was cool. The quote says, more mind-altering than magic mushrooms.

You know who you should have got? You know who gives the best quotes for books, for comedy books? Yeah. Nazeem Hussain. Yeah. Get him on it because you know what? I always ask him about it. He's always on the front cover of books or on the back quotes for books for comedy books Nazeem Hussain yeah get him on it because you know what I always ask him about

he's always on the front cover of books or on the back cover of books oh this is the best book I've read and I hit him up every time and I go have you read this book

and he goes absolutely not he's given so many quotes for books do you think anyone who's given a quote for a book has read it

you just said Husey read it I hit up Cheney Matt O'Kine, Hughes and Heath Franklin. And they all at least read a few chapters. Okay, all right. Aaron Chen's a very funny quote for a book about going to jail.

Did he give you one? Yeah, it's on the back of the book. It says something like, if reading this book was illegal, I'd be happy to be locked up. Oh, great. That's pretty good. But again, there's nothing in that that the book. It says something like, if reading this book was illegal, I'd be happy to be locked up. Oh, great. That's pretty good. But again, there's nothing in that that says that he's read any of it. Yeah, that's just a little joke.

I could have said that. What would your quote be, Kappa? I'd be like, I can't wait for the audio book to come out. Because, yeah, I don't read the books. That's shifting a lot of units. Yeah. Mine would be, I wish I was in prison with this guy

so I could fuck him in the ass. Yeah, I like that. Tommy Dax will like that. I like that. People are going to be like, who even is this guy? Who's this guy that gave this quote? I'd be on an A-side going,

I'm gay too, from Carl. Yeah, and I've done an illustration of it. Is there room to fit that on the cover as well? I'm drawing a picture. Can that be the centrefold in the book? Get one of those glossy pages printed up for me. All right, well, we'd better wrap it up there for another... Look, now that you've got out...

Yes. And now that you know what you've done wrong, and now that you're back dealing, what precautions do you take now? Well, how do you want to wrong and now that you're back dealing what precautions do you take now like how do you want to admit on TV that you're Tommy Little's dealer

that was on TV that was on TV yeah no man don't fall in love or if you do don't tell them you're a drug dealer

I mean that's one of the lessons I think and just try not to get high on your own supply that was really a problem for me. There's just having so much cocaine around the house.

Real Scarface vibes I'm getting. Really indestructible feelings. Yeah, it was just too much. It's like publicans, man. Whenever we were, like, because my town was so small, whenever a new publican would come, because it was so boring. Like, during the day, there'd be not many customers coming in because it was just so out in the middle of fucking nowhere

but then you'd slowly they'd have one drink and two drinks the only one that could run the pub efficiently was the was the owner pete because he didn't drink which was crazy in the 80s and 90s a man that didn't drink it was a carpenter but he was the only one able to run it, which is fucking nuts. Having drugs everywhere and then owning a restaurant with a bar tap, I was like just feeding myself beers, pizza, and cocaine, and I was just like, I blew out real bad. Dude, you were telling me this, and I was like,

oh, man, it's so good you cleaned your life up, but at the same time I'm thinking, fuck, that's the dream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell. If it wasn't for that horrible rest of the 55-minute story on this podcast, that does sound like a pretty cool answer. Man, just coke, pizza and fucking your own beer tap. I mean, I'd read a book about just that.

Yeah, Jenny would be reading that book for sure. All right, Andrew Capper, thank you for joining us. You are on a nationwide tour at the moment? I am, indeed, yes. What states have we got to go at this point? Well, we're doing Shepparton tomorrow. This won't come out for a week or so. All right, then I'll be on the Queensland leg.

I'll be doing Brisbane, Gold Coast, Sunshine Coast, Byron, Toowoomba. Needs a lot of people. And then I'm going to Darwin Tassie Perth Mandurah Bunbury and Adelaide I was saying this before the show

but I love this idea it's like you know you're getting big numbers in Melbourne and Sydney because it's all like normal people going imagine going to jail it's like

Darwin good luck selling tickets to those fucking cunts up there they'll be like going looking down on you you fucking sucker you got caught we're all on the lam

right now yeah they'd be seeing the poster and being like this is a little bit law adjacent for us They'll be like, oh, I'm looking down on you, you fucking sucker. You got caught. We're all on the lam right now. Yeah. They'd be seeing the poster and being like, this is a little bit law adjacent for us. This does feel like a scene. A trap. Yeah. That and what? Bunbury was or is the meth capital of Australia.

Oh, right. All right. Did you know that? No. Yeah. Very meth-y. I feel like every town, like I always say, I'm from Meribah in Victoria, and I always say, oh, it's the meth capital of Victoria,

and then someone else will go, no, I'm from fucking Horsham, that's the meth capital. Like a lot of people are quite proud of how shit they're town. It's Australia's best vanilla slice as well. Yes. That and the meth capital. Every town reckons they're it. Absolutely.

Yeah, what did that bloke say last night? They're like, oh, Shepparton's the biggest meth capital, and they're like, some bloke's like, we're biggest meth capital, and they're like, some blokes like we're in Bendigo, and he goes, yeah, we were. Then Shepparton came up, and I think we got it back.

Yeah. It's neck and neck. Yeah, it was neck and neck. I think we got it. We got the tourist trap, we got the big meth pipe at the front,

and then now we got it back. We got it back. Who's measuring those stats? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, wow, the most crocs are in this town. It's like, remember how they used to have the tidiest town? Now they've just got the methiest town. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That's great. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. The most crocs are in this town. It's like, remember how they used to have the tidiest town? Now they've just got the methiest town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Kappa, you got the phone hacks podcast.

People can check that out. Oh, yes. I've got a big announcement soon. My special is finally coming out. Nice. Yeah, so it's coming out. So please subscribe to my YouTube. Have you got a date?

Don't want my YouTube. Aren't you going to have a date for it? The end of August, I think. End of August. I think. Ask Millard. Okay. Yeah, yeah it's coming out. So please subscribe to my YouTube. Have you got a date? On my YouTube. Aren't you going to have a date for it? The end of August, I think. End of August. I think. Ask Milan. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You never know what's going to happen with that guy. DM Milan. DM Milan. Actually, do DM him. Weirdly, Milan is sort of partially behind this special. So, yeah, please do that. And also, I'm taping another special, like a weird little one, with Ben Knight on the 15th of September at

Bodriggy Brewing. It's going to be fucked. It's going to be weird. We're going to do a crowd work kind of thing afterwards. Oh, wow. Cool. So, yeah, let's see how it goes. Nice.

Yeah. All right. Thanks, everyone, for listening, and we'll see you next time. See you, mate. See you, mate. See you. And they've done it again. Bernardo. Yep. Double Jeopardy. Done it again Burnado

Yep Double Jeopardy Done it again What? We've done it again Oh that's Double Jeopardy We can't be done for the same comedy crime twice We can't be arrested for doing it

Yep Because we did it again Well yeah we've already done it We've been tried for doing it Yeah we can't be arrested for doing it again Right right right Because we've already done it Right okay

The judge will throw the case out perfect yeah in the um the case of comedy versus not comedy yes yes kramer versus kramer kramer seinfeld versus kramer laugh factory yeah yeah that's good that's good um yeah comedy um some cunt from jail huh yeah yeah that's about it that's it's uh it's such a good selling point so yeah no he's a he's a good comic and he's touring all around and everything like that yeah go check out his show go get his book and and it was good because that was all questions that basically i saw most of his show later and um he wasn't burning gear oh really yeah i was a bit worried you know it's's like you have someone who's got this great hook that they've talked about very publicly

and you want them to come on the show and basically you want to say to them, just do the act on our pod, thanks. Normally we have a no gear rule, but in your case, can you just give us all the best bits from the book for our show? All the best bits that happen when you're in jail, we want to know about it because that's interesting. But no, you'll be pleased to know about it because that's interesting yep but no

you'll be pleased to know if you go there you will not hear anything about any of the guys he sucked off in jail okay right he didn't suck off to jail

in his routine yeah okay interesting yeah so yeah it's that's a good fresh intro into it

yeah yeah yeah yeah but yeah good to have him on for the first time just to hear if uh if any other comics are busting yet on this show if they can um do something fucked up and go to the slammer get arrested yeah yep um you don't even have to go for that long he was only in there for four months well also there's so many comics that have done really bad

things in comedy all you have to do is get found out for it like you don't even have to go out and commit anything just get done for it hey i don't even have to go out and commit anything. Just get done for it. I don't think he's even done the worst stuff of people in comedy. Absolutely not. There's a lot of people who are just skating by, escaping the watchful gaze of Johnny Law. Yes, absolutely.

So just all you have to do is confess and you can be on this straight afterwards. That's part of the deal. Ask someone if they're wearing a wire and if they say yes, just fucking unload. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be good if that's how we had recorded that episode. We were wearing wires. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Andrew, do you want to just hang out and just chat? Talk into my flower lapel. Talk into my chest. Yeah. That'd be good. Fun times. And the return of Nick Capper as well. Yep.

Another filthy criminal. The criminal of comedy. Yeah, that's it. Well, if we don't have too much else to do, let's get into names. What do you think, Tommy? Let's do it. Yeah. We've got a live show in Perth coming up November 23. Tickets selling well there already after a week. So get into that. What do you think, Tommy? Let's do it. Yeah. We've got a live show in Perth coming up November 23.

Tickets selling well there already after a week. So get into that. That'll be fun. We're at Oasis Comedy Club at our friend Brendan's Comedy Club. Yes. The official approved comedy club in Perth of the Little Dum Dum Club, I would like to say. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've done a little couple spots there like the last few times we've been over we haven't done a live podcast pod there but uh we've done yeah we've done a lot of brendan's shows in the past yeah he always takes good care of us yeah he's a he's a bit of a fucking rat but you know oh yeah we talked about him after one of our live episodes two years ago. Did we? Yeah, remember that? No. Remember when he plucked that guy's eyebrow? Oh, that's right. Fucking weirdo.

One of our listeners' eyebrow, and then we just never saw that guy again probably. Yeah, the guy got really mad because Brendan pulled a very long eyebrow. That he was curating. That he was saving. Yeah. Yeah. For the Guinness Book of Records,

and he just pulls it out. I don't even think it was for the Guinness Book of Records Wasn't it something like He was Oh for his He was for his partner He was gonna They were about to be in a long distance relationship

And he was gonna send her the That's right The eyebrow Yeah And it was And then they got into a big argument about it And it was Brendan going Man it's disgusting

Yeah She doesn't want your fucking eyebrow hair I did you a favour And we were sort of in the middle of it And I think the guy was looking at us like and going, man, it's disgusting. Yeah. She doesn't want your fucking eyebrow hair. I did you a favour. And we were sort of in the middle of it. And I think the guy was looking at us like we should do something. Yes. I don't want to get involved in this. This is a nightmare.

Yeah. You're both idiots. I want to go back to the hotel and go to bed. Yeah. Well, thanks to everyone who subscribes on patreon.com slash littledominantclub. Thanks to everyone, but in particular these people this week. Yes.

Thank you. I've been going, like, I did this last week. I'm going back into the archives, but not the archives of people that have had their names read out again, but people that have slipped through. Okay. There's some people in here that have slipped through. They've been waiting for a fucking long time. And interesting that they've been subscribed for ages. Yep. And they've they've never thought to sort of go oh you haven't read my name

what's going on yeah so i don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing or because it's a good thing it's like oh you're nice and patient what a nice listener that doesn't want to annoy us or anything like that or they've just been hearing this and going i don't want to be any part of this yeah or they just don't even fucking bother listening to Talking Dumb Dumb. I think it could be that. I mean, I think that's the nicest outcome is I'm happy to just put my money in, know that it's supporting the show. I don't need anything out of it.

Maybe they don't even listen to the bonus episodes that you get. They're true just like I like the bulk of the main show. I get my hour of that. I tune out of Talking Dumb Dumb. I feel like that alone is worth my financial contribution. One of these great charity donors that I don't want my name attached to this or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Unfortunately, they have attached their name, so I'm going to read them out. Yep. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber first cab off the rank this week, Stuart Kokonos. Stuart Kokonos. Stuart Kokonos. K-O-K-I-N-O-S. K-I-K-I-N-O-S. Kokonos.

Kokonos. Yeah. All right. Let's go. Channel, the schoolyard, Tommy Daslow. You're dealing with someone called Kokonos. Yeah. What have we got?

Hmm. Kok. More like Kokonos. There we go. I feel like. Stuart Kokinos. Yeah. What have we got? Hmm. More like cock and ass. There we go. I feel like... Should we cock in ass? I feel like this would... What it would be would be a teacher reading the rollout,

like a new teacher reading, taking the roll, and pronouncing the name wrong. And then that'd be... It'd be like Kokinos. Yeah. And then that'd be it. That happened a lot in os. Yeah. And then that'd be it. That happened a lot with the kids at my school that had like pretty like Greek sounding names. Yeah.

Cock in arse. Oh, Stewie's got to be copping that every day. Cock in arse. Cock in arse. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's good. It's funny.

It is funny. It's a funny thing to do. Yeah. Yeah. It's a funny thing to observe. It's a funny thing to be named after. Yeah. It's a funny thing to observe. It's a funny thing to be named after. This is like the ultimate Greek name. Yeah, you're right.

Wow. It doesn't get more Greek than this. They say that the Greeks invented anal sex. Exactly. Yeah. I think it was invented by the Coconuts. It was this guy. It was named after them.

It was this specific man. I've said once or twice before on this show that names come from the ancestors of what they used to do. Yep. This is the guy. This is the family. Yep. This is the original family that invented anal sex. The cock and ass family.

And I've always said, you know, anyone claiming to invent, for the Greeks to invent, to claim to invent anal sex, I mean, someone's going to figure it out at some point anyway. Speaking of, knock on the door. Knock on the front door, though, not knock on the back door. Tommy Daslow's already had a delivery today. I reckon this is his second delivery. He's always getting something delivered here. There's always some sort of fucking Mickey Mouse figurine or fucking something. Some children's toy being delivered here.

What are we going to get today, I wonder? Well, it's taken a while. He's going to have to sign his name off. He's deciding which name to sign with the delivery man, I bet. I think that's what the hold-up is. Oh, here he comes. What did we get? I don't know.

You didn't bring it in to open it? No. I think it's for my partner. Oh, okay. The Australia Post having to sign the little thing. Do you ever get that? Yes. And like…

We were just talking about it on here. You can just put whatever. Yes, I know. And they don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are we doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are we bothering?

Well, I get that with my wife will have something delivered and then it's like signature here. Okay, well, here's my signature that's not her signature. Yes, yes. Okay. Exactly. I don't know. Like, does it ever get contested?

Like, can I go, hey, this didn't show up, and they go, we've actually got on record here that you signed with your finger and barely wrote your name. The screen didn't register half of the strokes. We've got just like a big L here. It would be interesting to know how that how that holds up i would i think next time i'm i'm going to impersonate my wife's signature yeah and just right i am yep don't say her name fake yeah like i am a woman it really is one of those things that feels like it's in there just because it feels official. But really, it's not doing anything.

Yeah. Get rid of it. Yeah. You know what? I want to see a best-case scenario. I want to see it in action. I'm not saying get rid of it. I just want to see how it actually works.

Yeah. I'm fine with the alternative. Because the alternative, of course, is someone just giving you a parcel and going, the end. And if you don't get it, you go, well, what happened there? I don't know. Yeah. There's no paper trail. and just giving you a parcel and going, the end. And if you don't get it, you go, well, what happened there? I don't know. There's no paper trail.

But what's weird about it is if they knock on the door and you're here, you have to do the sign thing. But then so much of the time they knock on the door and you're not here and they just leave it on the front porch. Oh, yeah. So if they're fine to leave it, they don't need you to sign it anyway. I don't get that anymore. We get ours delivered to the post office. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's good. I guess, but it's such a pain in the ass to go up to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't be fucked. Yeah. Because it's always like, I can't be fucked going, and then it's always, my wife is like you. There's fucking something coming every day.

So I'm having to go up there all the fucking time to get some piece of shit that she doesn't need. And your post office is a bit of a walk, isn't it? Well, it's like, it's uninspiring to go up there all the fucking time to get some piece of shit that she doesn't need. And your post office is a bit of a walk, isn't it? Well, it's like, it's uninspiring to go up there. I've said before, it's the worst block of fucking shops in Melbourne. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's next to the fucking pool cleaner shop. Yep.

It's next to the fucking, what do you call it? Make-a-wish. What are they called that you hang in your car? Like the hippie fucking thing that you hang from your dash? Dream Catcher. Yeah, yeah. It's like a Dream Catcher shop next door. It's the worst fucking bunch of shops.

Yep. Actually, how's this? You're schlepping down there to get Sex and the City DVDs. Yeah, exactly. Yep. Exactly. I'm going there to pick up a the City DVDs. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. I'm going there to pick up a scarf.

Like, fucking hell. This is what happened last night. I was at Comedy at Spleen. Yep. And I'm on stage talking to the crowd, just spinning magic out of thin air. A real Matt Rife. Yes. Yep.

And this pair of guys started talking. And I was like, hang on, I'm talking to someone else. What are you guys talking about? And then the guy's just like, oh, we've just got a picture of you. And I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, we were just talking because we were just looking on the phone. We've got a picture of you. And I go, what the fuck are you talking about? And then he holds it up and I'm like, that is me.

So then I hold it up to the crowd and it's like, it's not like a publicity picture of me. It's a picture of me waiting at the tram stop. These guys had taken that night? No, like another day or something. Why? I'm like, why do you have a picture of me at the tram stop? Oh, we've been to this show, we've been to Spleen heaps of times

and then we just saw you at a tram stop so we, oh, we've been to this show, you know, we've been to Spleen heaps of times, and then we just saw you at a tram stop, so we took a picture of you. Okay. Right. That's cool. And then, and so that's worth talking about, like, when you're on stage, like, hey, it's that guy from the photo. Yeah.

That we took the photo because he's from here. I guess so. Fucking hell. So it's pretty funny. So then I hold it up, and, you know, Spleen's small enough that everyone can sort of get the picture. Yep. And everyone can sort of Get the picture Yep And I just sort of go

Look at this This is a picture of me At the tram stop That these guys have Fucking got on their phone And then You know everyone's like What the fuck is going on

And then we're trying to Work it out backwards What happened And then the guy just goes Yeah we've got more pictures I'm like Oh my god Okay bring them out

Yeah And so then he spends Like three or four minutes And I'm having to Fucking keep the ball In the air on stage. And again, I don't even think these people are Dunham listeners. Yeah.

So then we go through it and then he, I'm talking shit, whatever he goes. Oh, I found it. Okay, great. So I get another, I get the phone off him again. It's just a picture of me eating a pizza. At the tram stop? No, like up the road from the tram stop as this is why i thought of it it's all in this area there's this pizza shop that's okay that fucking every every probably six to

twelve months i'll go fuck it all right i'm getting a piece of pizza from there yep so i'm sitting there eating my yearly piece of pizza from fucking this this guy's your baby reindeer but just like way less dangerous than the woman in that show yeah like this is the extent of it your stalker all he's doing is just taking photos of you eating a pizza yeah doesn't want to fuck you doesn't want to be in a relationship with you doesn't want to be your friend yeah does it the obsession ends with just coming to a show that you put on once a week and taking a photo whenever he sees you in the street but like i was like it's very funny because he he's i'm like you took these pictures you know no no my friend did and he

sent them to me yeah yeah he's like you know he was really into he's taking all these photos of you i'm like well he's not that much into me that he's at this fucking show right now yeah great throwing of the friend under the bus yeah really convenient friend that's not there yeah yeah so then it's at this point i've got his phone so i'm like i'm going through the rest of your phone nice like if this is what you've got phone hacks i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna find something even better i'm like looking for i'm like right facebook.com i'm gay yeah i'm i'm trying to find another picture of me or some nudes yeah or whatever i'm like i'm and i'm saying to the crowd like this is going to be good i'm going to find something even better.

And then I find one and I go, here we go. Click. Hey, look at this, everyone. And it's just a picture of his mate next to a swastika. Fucking hell. And that's the reaction I get from the crowd where I'm like,

this is funny. I have technically found something even worse. Look at this, everyone. Everyone goes, oh no. No thanks. Oh well, thanks. You've been great, everyone. Really a bad part of history.

Good night, everyone. Think about thanks. Yeah. Oh, well, thanks. You've been great, everyone. Really a bad part of history. Good night, everyone. Think about. What if you had been scrolling through and you just found a photo of you, like, in the shower through a... It'd be amazing. You know. I don't know how they would do it. You wouldn't be scared.

There's no windows. Oh, yeah. Absolutely I would be. There's no windows in my fucking bathroom. How the fuck would they have got that? You'd be like, on stage, this is great. This is very funny. Yeah, yeah. But in the back have got that? You'd be like on stage, this is great, this is very funny. Yeah, yeah.

But in the back of your mind you'd be like, there's a lot to deal with when I get off stage. As I would say, I would have said, thanks everyone, you've been great

and walk off with the phone and go straight down to the coffee shop with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easy. Yeah. Well, thanks Stuart Cock in us. Thanks,

thanks, thanks to the Edison of anal sex. Yeah. The Cock sex, the Kokonos family. That was worth waiting for. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Julian Callanan. Okay. Now, is this more of a – this is either – this is what I think. This is either a sort of name that works in the law or a serial killer, I reckon.

Yeah, interesting. Some sort of murderer. It has like a real QC kind of vibe to it. Yeah, either end of the law. Someone responsible for doing bad stuff or responsible for locking up that person that did bad stuff. Yeah. This person could defend the person that's fucking taking pictures of me.

Is this going to be one of those things? You know, this has happened before where we've gone like, oh, this name, this sounds like this person. And then it like, you know, we just get all these messages. It just actually is a real guy that's like prominent in the media or whatever. So is this going to be a thing where it's like, oh, guess what, boys? This is the guy either representing me or the guy representing the guy that's taking pictures of me. Or it's the guy that's taking pictures of me.

Yeah. Or both. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A screenplay where you just like come up with one great name and then you're like, you know what? Everyone in the film is just going to have this name. Yeah.

It's too good of a name. I'm not going to think of any as good as this. Yeah. Everyone can just have the same name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being Julian Callinan. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah, so I don't know.

It's one of them. I think it does scream QC at the end instead of like Stuart Kokonos, which is Stuart Kokonos, IA, inventor of anal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He's QC, which is Queen's Council. I think that's what it is. I guess, yeah.

I don't really know. That's what it is. Yeah. That's him. Yeah. We've now got a guy who can, yeah, represent us for any, well, no. Wait, what is a QC? I don't know.

What does he actually do? I don't know. does he actually do i don't know he's not he's not representing us he's no well he's unless we're the queen yeah if he's a qc that means he's the council of the queen are we the queen i don't think well yeah i remember the queen dying and we're alive so that's not that means we're that's where were you where were you when the queen talked it uh fucking her to death yeah right yeah that's why i need j were you when the Queen carked it? Fucking her to death. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's why I need Gillian Callan in QC.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really need his help. No wonder you remember. Especially because I've confessed it on a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tommy, edit that bit out, can you please? Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Can you please? I was in Singapore.

Oh, were you? Very convenient. I got back from, what do you mean? That's your alibi. Why are you making it sound like I have a fake alibi when you just said, you fucked her to death? Well, I've pivoted. That's what I'm saying.

That's already – I didn't say that. That's been edited out of the podcast. I'm trying to help out Julian with his work at this point. Yeah, I was out in Singapore and the news was like, oh, something's happening here and i went home and i was in the hotel room with the news channel on and i just i really wanted to like i really wanted to be awake to see the moment live like where they call it and they'll you know it was like just plate spinning for hours where they're like out the front of the palace that

you know they just keep crossing to people who are like, yeah, no new information here. And it was clearly going to happen any moment. And I was like, this would be kind of cool to see like the exact moment that they like, you know, get the word through the earpiece of like breaking news. And I just eventually fell asleep. And then when I checked the time the next day, I was like, fuck, I missed it by probably like 10 minutes. But it was like, you know, it was like 2.30 or something in the morning. i was like fuck i missed it by probably like 10 minutes but it was like you know it was like 2 30 or something in the morning i was like i gotta tap out yeah i'm out here yeah but it was fun just watching the coverage of like people with just nothing to add yeah no new information they can't cut they've got to keep on they've got to just keep the whole operation on the air. Yeah. Just filling time.

It was great. It was like this. It was like talking – they should have started like reading some names out of people from Britain to start killing the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People that have paid tax over the years. People that have given her money. That would be great if we could get that as a job of like we are there to just fill time

when there's any kind of like live cross where something's going to happen any minute, but they don't know when. There's nothing new to say. Get these guys in to just riff on some names and eat up a few hours of screen time. You know what that's perfect for? When they have elections. Yeah. So, when they're doing the count, we can just start reading out the names of people who have voted. Oh, yeah, that's great.

So, they get the form. they mark down who they voted for, and then it gets passed on to us. And we have to check the name and be like, it's not funny enough. Yeah, they have to tick a box saying, are you giving permission to have your name read out and riffed on? On the election cover.

At about 7.30 at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, when people are struggling. That actually is not bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, when people are struggling. That actually is not bad. Yeah, yeah, that's good. They're always doing this political analysis. Let's just, you know, give a shout out to the people who made this election happen. Exactly.

The voters. If your name is funny enough, your vote should count for two votes. Well, I don't think we said that. If you're Stuart cocking ass, that should be, there should be like a ranking system for like, that counts for five votes. Well, that's also. Stuart's got like extra power when he goes to the polling place. He gets extra power because of what his family invented, I think.

Oh, right. I think not only just the name, it's the, you know, we've both endured, enjoyed. I shouldn't say endured. I mean, we're on the other end of it. But we've both the other end of it but we've both enjoyed

the fruit of this guy's family invention wonderful product I had a lot of fun yeah I miss it yeah

this guy's like the what's the guy in the founder the Macca's the Macca's guy he just found this little small

operation and he was like man they really got something here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he went around town to town to make sure they were doing it properly. Yeah, exactly. They weren't involving anything else in it. Yeah, went all over Athens just like setting them up.

Yeah. Had a clown, had an anal clown as the face of it. Had a big bum with lipstick on it. Yep. Good stuff. Good stuff. Good stuff. Thanks, Julian Callinan. Thanks, Julian Callinan QC.

Thanks very much to Patreon subscriber Adam Fassiner. F-A-S-S-I-N-A. Either that or it's Adam Fassiner. Fassiner. That'd be good. Yeah. Fassina. Yeah. Fassina. Fasina. That'd be good. Yeah. Fasina.

Yeah. Fasina. Oh, Fasina. But just going on the ice cream shop, Masina. Oh, yeah. That's how that's pronounced. Masina. I'm just going to assume that this isn't a million miles away from that spelling. Well, I'm going to assume that it's Fasina because it sounds funnier because it sounds

like you know what. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that is the funnier. Yeah sounds like you know what yeah yeah yeah no that is the funnier yeah yeah cocking us yes signer adam a a for signer yep yeah that's good yeah do you know what my daughter little blanket so she's halfway through prep at the moment or whatever they call it these days with the woke mob gone mad and trying to change the name of prep yep that's what it's called. They, they. Yeah.

She's got someone in her class that's like, I guess you can be a bully in class, but it's hard to fucking do that with prep. She's got a girl that's like so she's she's a young prepper your daughter yeah yep so she's got a girl in her class it's nearly a full year older oh sure and she'll come up and say oh you're no good at drawing oh you've talked you've talked about this yeah yeah yeah so she'll say you're no good at drawing or you're too and you and you're too little and you know all this sort of stuff and it, you know, all I want to do in there is go in there and go, you've messed with the wrong family here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to fucking rip you a new one. Yep. You think that's bullying? Yep. Let me show you a thing or two. Yep. But you can't do that.

Cycle of violence. Yeah, the world's gone, man. Yep. And plus her dad might be really big. Yeah, that's, I mean, yeah. That's the main thing. You get more involved in, you're at school pick up and drop off like really early. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just hoping to size up the family. Yeah, yeah. And then you see the dad's some rut and you're like, okay. Yeah. We're on here. I'm going to beat up a five-year-old. Oh, man. And you know what else?

Like, so we got new information last night where the kid's coming in and she got in trouble. So blankets had to become a bit of a dobber. Okay. Because I started giving info to her going, this is what you say. Yep. And then my wife's like, do not fucking do this. Don't do this. Don't do any of that stuff.

Yep. You got your fingerprints all over this one. Just dob on the kid. So then the kid's acting real no good yep and then the kid is like getting dobbed on and then has to go and sit in the corner or whatever it is yeah but then she's still doing it anyway whatever so this is the new intel i got last night we get we get last night so blanket's like saying um oh yeah she's coming up and now because she doesn't want to get caught she's coming up and going oh i've got a secret to tell you and then whispering in blankets here you're shit yeah right

and then so blankets coming back to us and this is what's happening and this must be really hard for you to hear because i bet there's part of you that's like that's actually pretty i know i know you know i know i'm going right genius what i want to do is go here's what you say back and then i'm getting told i'm not allowed to do that so instead we and i'm saying to don't say no i'm saying it's one thing to dob but you've we've also got to teach her to stick up for herself and all that sort of stuff yeah so i'm just saying well there's just lots of talk to to blanket to say just listen this person doesn't know what they're talking about. And I'm like saying, this kid's a dickhead. Don't worry about her.

And then Blanket's like, you're not allowed to say that. I go, okay, fair enough. Right. So we're trying to figure out, you know, how to handle it and whatever. But then I rock up to school today to do drop off, school drop off. And I meet the kid. So the kid rocks in, right? Yep.

And I'm talking like so blanket's friends with x1z these other kids that sit near or whatever and you know i've had you know they've had playdates before so i know them they're pretty good good kids so i get to come in and i'm i'm i try and be the funny dad yeah when i go in there they sit at the table and i'm i'm picking up things off the table going hey blanket don't forget don't don't eat all the glue today and like and all the kids like laughing and yep and and blankets like going oh do that do say the funny stuff again yeah i mean yeah don't eat any of the pencils don't do this i'm pretending to eat pencils one of the kids is like here's a photo i've got of you

at the tramp yeah so i'm like i'm doing gear Yep. Then the kid comes in, the bully kid comes in, right? The bully kid comes in. She's got fucking shit all over her face. She's like done something where she's face planted or something. She's got all these scabs and stuff all over your face. I'm like, I'm sitting there going, fuck, there's so much to play with here. Yeah. And imagine you coming in, your face is fucked up.

Yep. And then you're coming in and going, telling someone else their shit? Come on. There's so much here to play with. I'm sitting there going, I want to fucking write for Blanket and go, right, here we go. Sit down. Just point at this fucking little kid's face. And what was your read on the kid apart from this?

Like when you saw the kid, does the kid give off like a bit of an immediate bully vibe or like if you didn't know would you be like oh this kid seems fine no no it's hard to tell girls though yeah true true they don't look like our our bullies yeah yeah they're different they're all you know they're mean girls yeah yeah yeah but my fuck oh man i like i was friends with some girls at school who went to an all-girls school and they did like a year in, I think it's year nine, where you go and live out in the country and you just all live in a house together. And you like you do all your school out there. Yeah. And the stories that I heard from that are just like some of the worst shit I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. shit i've ever heard in my life the deep like psychological shit that girls get into yeah at that age is like i thought boys were fucked but it's like that's so much worse yeah it's so much deeper and psychological we've just got wedgies and stuff like boys are all surface and it can be really bad but it's like you know what you're getting whereas girls it's like hey i'm your best friend and what i'm gonna do is just plant a lot of seeds. Just say a lot of stuff that sort of sounds like a compliment, but the more you think about it, it's like I'm actually really trying to get into your head and sow the seeds of doubt. It's so much worse.

Yeah, I've got a coach blanket on this. I've got to teach her how to sow these seeds with this fucking scab face chick. So you want to turn her into the bully? Well. It's unfortunate that those are kind of your only options. Yeah. What do you do? I feel like they're always.

She becomes a loser or a dobber? Yep. Or she out bullies the bully? It feels like we're always talking about bullying. There's always like a push of like we need to stamp this out and you need to talk to your kids, et cetera, et cetera. But it's like, what do you do? Because also the reality is, is like, I remember like having it be such a big thing at school and you kind of are led

to believe like, oh, this is just a thing that you have to endure at school. And then, you know, you get out into the real world and it ends. It doesn't end at all. It goes on for the rest of your fucking life. There's always some fucking cunt in your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like giving you grief.

Yeah. So it's kind of like, well, Anytime you ever catch up. Not to say that it's good, but it's like, it's not like, oh, just, you know, people mature out of this. Yeah.

Copping it at school actually is like the most realistic preparation for the real world that there is. Yeah. I'm just, I want to ask you advice then about this because I was thinking this morning because I was trying to say to Blanket, this is what you say to this girl. But it's really hard to say something that's palatable that also doesn't sound lame. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's really hard to go – I i just say to to her when she says oh you're no good or you're this it's no good saying i'm not listening to you or you know oh that you know what like what what what's a what's a actual good burn that you can't get in trouble for you can say like what's the psychological equivalent of beating someone with the phone book yeah it doesn't leave a mark or just you know just going up i just you know something like just going i'm going hey i don't care like i think that's a pretty funny thing for a prep girl to say to another to another prep it's so hard to know isn't it because like you would have seen people when

you're at school like do something that you think about years on that should have been a comeback, that should have squashed it. But it's like if you botch the delivery or if you just get a truly psychotic person who's able to then work with that and turn that into something, it doesn't matter. But I truly think just like if you can commit

to like actually ignoring someone, that was the stuff that I did see work at school. Like someone just straight up going like actual blank and like not respond at all in any way. I think the opposite. I think what happens generally, and it's the same thing as what we're talking about on this episode with Andrew in jail. It's like if someone's on you and you don't do anything, they know they can keep going.

But if you turn around and smack them in the head and then they go, what'll happen is that guy will go back, what the fuck, and smack them 10 times in the head, but they won't come back. Because it's like, well, I'll find the next guy that's not even going to smack me in the head once. Yeah. I'll find the next guy that's not even going to smack me in the head once. Yeah. Yeah.

It's weird that you've made the leap from murderers and rapists in prison to your five-year-old daughter in school. It's very applicable. Yeah. Very applicable. But, yeah, I feel like with kids especially, there's such a, like, just random element where you don't know how they're

going to respond that's what makes it hard i do feel like there is in prison it does seem like there is like even though there is still that unpredictability because it's people who've been locked up for doing the wrong thing there is still kind of like an abiding code it sounds like yeah whereas kids don't you know they're like. They don't have the same kind of like, what you're saying, like I think it could work, but you just don't know. If you've got a truly psycho kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, the kid's a bit older. Yeah, exactly. Well, I love what bullying is to this age though. Like the bullying is like, it's a saying to blanket, you can't draw properly. Yeah's like fuck that's that's that's hitting it where it where it hurts yeah i can barely hold a pen yeah yeah but like that's that's you don't have much when you're five like there's not much to you know you can't rag someone for what they're wearing because you're all wearing the same thing this is pretty advanced but if blanket Blanket pulled this off,

this would be great. Start making fun of her for being old. Call her an old bitch. Get out of here, you old-ass bitch. Why are you in this class full of babies? Yeah, yeah. You old hat, you crone. Yeah, that's very funny.

You six-year-old fucking bony-ass bitch. Why? Can't you access your super? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in uni by now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, if you can get Blanket to call her an old bitch. Yeah.

That's funny because she's being snuck a lot. They're just getting to that point in the last week where she's being taught words. She starts, she's walking around saying saying penis last night for the first time okay jesus yeah so people have been spreading words yeah that's cool so if i can teach a bitch yeah that's not bad call this girl an old slut yeah see how that goes yeah fuck that's good that's that's really funny as if that's not gonna happen at some point with me i get called into school yeah what's good. That's really funny. As if that's not going to happen at some point with me, I get called into school. Yeah.

What's happened here? What's happened with Blanket? Oh, nothing with her. We need to talk to you. She called this person in her class an old bitch. It's like, but she is old. Yeah. She's like six.

And look what she did. She is a bitch. Yeah. So, I mean, I guess you're welcome for me teaching her how things work. I thought that was your job. A six-year-old relative to a five-year-old. Yeah. That's so old.

Yeah. That's so much older. That's a fifth of your life. That's like fucking, you know, someone that's like 60 talking to me. Exactly. That's a heap's older. That's a huge gap. Yeah.

That's like insane to socialize with someone like that. All right. Take it on board. Thanks. Thanks, Anna Fasina. Thanks, Fasina. Thanks, Fasina. Fuck.

We've been going for a while and this feels like a long one. No, it's all right. No, it's all right. All right. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Pat Hernandez. Okay. Okay. Okay. Is this the...

Would this be? Could this be? The first Mexican sounding patron subscriber. Mexican sounding? Yeah. Definitely not. Yeah. Oh, really?

What's another one then? I don't know. I don't remember every name we've ever read out. Yeah. But it seems... If you said first Mexican, I'd be like maybe, but you said Mexican sounding. Yes.

That's quite broad when you think about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it the Hernandez brothers are like the kids who killed their parents? Yes. Is that right? Yes. That they parody to great effect in The Cable Guy? Do they?

Yep. What do they do? There's like a running thing where the big trial is coming up and you keep seeing snippets of it on the TV and Ben Stiller is playing both of the twins. And you see these little snippets of stuff. It's like a big pay-per-view event that's coming up. Right.

And Ben Stiller's the main, he's the lead in the actual movie. No, no, he directed it. Matthew Broderick's the lead in it. Matthew Broderick and Jim Carrey. Oh, is he? And Ben Stiller directed it and he's just in there as like a little cameo. Yeah. Fuck, I've completely forgotten that.

Yeah. I mean, I don't remember much about the movie. I would have had so much money on ben stiller being the lead being matthew broderick yeah no it's matthew broderick um fuck and spoiler for the end of the cable guy it's like a big it's it's sort of like built up as basically the oj trial where they're going to find out like what the verdict is on these kids who clearly killed their parents. Yeah. And Jim Carrey's character, like, climbs up to the top of this, like, broadcast tower and kills himself by jumping off it and he, like, lands on the fucking transmitter,

like, as they're delivering the verdict. So the final shot is, like, the entire country watching this verdict come through and it's like, we find the defendant. Right. It's a good ending. Okay.

Good film. Big disappointment at the time yeah it's a it's a it's like a real one that people are always like reappraising yeah i think people just didn't want to see jim carrey being like kind of evil yes kind of like you know intense it was it was they made it just after he he did those at the peak of his powers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a great film. It's a great like, yeah, fucked up kind of thriller. And he's great in it.

What happened to the Hernandez brothers? Yeah, I don't know. Brothers. Here we go. Let's go. Are they dead? They're not dead. They are. Did they get married in jail?

Whoa. Not to each other. Tying it all back. 1996. Yep, they got married. Both got married in jail. Hell yeah. Are they still in jail?

You would like to think so. They went to jail in 1996 for the murder of their parents, Jose and Mary Louise Kitty Menendez. Menendez. Ah, right. Okay. Damn. There we go.

For all the people screaming at their podcast now, sorry, everyone. Not Hernandez. This is Menendez. Well, you did the cable guy come out. They must have been pretty on that. Yeah, you're right. To be lampooning it so soon after the fact.

You're right. Cable Guy's 98? The same year. Same year. Same year. Damn. Yeah, same year. Hernandez, Hernandez.

Obviously, the trial might have been slightly earlier. Yeah, they're still in jail. One of the brothers, one of the Hernandez brothers. Mendez. Jesus Christ. Menendez brothers. Was ranked 44th in America as a junior tennis player. Huh.

Wow. They were both in the Junior National Tennis Championships. Wow. Lyle attended Princeton University. He was placed on academic probation for poor grades and was eventually suspended for plagiarism. The good old days when that was the worst thing they'd ever done. Yeah.

Wow. Wow. Jesus Christ. All right. Spoilers for what these guys actually did on the evening of august i've never looked into this case yeah this is now a true crime podcast everyone um about a case that's already been solved yes covered extensively yes um but that's what all podcasts are it's always like that's true there's so many podcasts now where it's like, we're going to... Our subject today is chocolate.

Yeah. And then you go, oh, cool. Yeah. Hey, this is really yummy. And everyone goes, that was a good episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah.

On the evening of August 20, 1989, Jose and Kitty were standing in the den of their Beverly Hills mansion when Lyle and Eric entered the den carrying shotguns. Jose was shot six times, including a fatal shot in the back of the head with a 12 gauge shotgun kitty was shot 10 times in total before the fatal shot to her cheek she was on the ground slowly crawling and crying my god lyle ran to his car to reload before firing the fatal shot jesus christ fuck. How's this?

Immediately after the killings, both brothers remained in the house expecting the police to respond due to the noise of the gunshots. When the police arrived, the brothers told them the killings had occurred when they were at the movie theater watching Batman. We were watching the cable guy. It's just come out. Fucking hell. Okay. So they must have like... They didn't get arrested for a while. So they were looking for the real killers, Ojo style.

Right. And in that time, they just went crazy. Instead of... They bought a Porsche, a Rolex, a a restaurant they got a full-time tennis coach and they went into they did a heap of tournaments in israel wow um and then they just left the mansion unoccupied went and got adjoining condos what was their reason for were they they were like child stars right was it something where the They were like child stars, right? Was it something where the parents were withholding their money from them or something like that? Oh, wow, this is great.

At one point, they attended a New York Knicks basketball game where they became immortalized when they appeared courtside in the background of a Mark Jackson trading card. Wow. That's great. That's pretty cool. You're looking for why they do it? Yeah, what was their reasoning? The motive.

To be that insane to do that and then be able to, like, carry on a life where you're just, like, going to basketball games and stuff is wild. Oh, Eric eventually confessed to his psychologist. Well, that's pretty rough of the psychologist. It's supposed to be. Doctor patient confidentiality, my man. Come on.

Come on. Fucking hell. That's the real... Rough stuff. That's the real crime here. Yeah. The brothers stated they killed their parents out of fear for their lives after a lifetime of abuse at the hand of their parents,

especially sexual abuse at the hands of the father. Meanwhile, their mother was described as an enabling, selfish, mentally unstable, alcoholic and drug addict. Is this funny or not funny? Maybe not. All right. We're really getting into the weeds here. I know.

I'm just trying to scan through to get to the bit where anyone says, this didn't happen and these guys were just fucking psycho. Yeah. It's hard to fucking get through. Yeah. You're looking for something funny about like anal sex. There is funny stuff in here, but whether it's funny. Yeah.

Well, anyway, just watch the cable guy. That's the funny version of this atrocity. Yes. They are... Yeah, there's appeals. They're not out. How old are they now? They are...

That's a good question. Are they twins or brothers? They're twins, right? Brothers. Okay. question. Are they twins or brothers? They're twins, right? Brothers. Okay. Yeah. But they... Yeah.

No, they're two years difference. Okay. They are 53 and 56. Damn. Yeah. That really would be like, yeah, at this point, at that age, just sitting in the slammer being like, oh, man, I really shouldn't have done that. at this point, at that age, just sitting in the slammer being like,

oh, man, I really shouldn't have done that. That was a real mistake. There's probably that thought going through a lot of people's heads in prison. I would assume. Well, I would imagine there's also a lot that are just like, nah, it had to be done. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. All right, here's some good stuff. July 2, 1996, Lyle married Anna Erickson at a ceremony attended by Abramson

and his aunt, officiated by Moon, until they divorced on April 1, 2001, so five years later. Yep. After Erickson discovered that Lyle was allegedly cheating on her with another woman. Okay. How the fuck do you do that? Damn. In jail?

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Well, no, I mean, you would be, if you were those guys where it was like such a famous case, as we talked about with Andrew on the episode, you'd be getting a lot of mail from freaky women. Yes, but also- Being like, I want to root you. It's pretty hard to sneak around in jail. Yeah, but your partner's not there all the time.

You know when they're around. They've got to come visit you. Do you get to smuggle a woman in in a cake? Yeah. But I reckon it's probably the easiest place to do it because it's like, you know when your wife is coming to visit you. Meanwhile, you're just writing to this other bird and being like, yeah, come on up on Tuesday. Conjugal visit.

Can you get a conjugal visit though when you're a murderer? I don't think you can. Well, you did somehow. Well, maybe you didn't. Like, it doesn't say. They consummated. Yeah. There's no pictures of it going in.

Maybe it was emotional cheating. Yeah. In November 2003, Lyle married Rebecca Sneed at a ceremony in a visiting area of Mule Creek State Prison. They had known each other for 10 years. Mule Creek is such a fucking American backwater name. Yeah. Mule Creek. American backwater name.

Yeah. Mule Creek. On June 12, 1999, Eric married Tammy Ruth Sackerman at Folsom State Prison. Oh, that's where Johnny Cash recorded his album. In a prison waiting room. Tammy later said, our wedding cake was a Twinkie.

We improvised. It was a wonderful ceremony until I had to leave. That was a very lonely night. Yeah. Well, I think other people had lonelier nights, I reckon. Yeah, I think maybe this is something you should factor in when you're marrying a convict. This is just how it's going to be. Yeah, you know who else is lonely?

Your fucking husband's parents sitting in the fucking ground. Being a bridezilla when you're getting married in the prison waiting room. Just cracking the shits about the quality of the Twinkie that you've got for your cake? In an October 2005 interview with ABC News, she described her relationship with Eric as something that I've dreamed about for a long time. Wow. You need to fucking lay off the cheese before bed.

Yeah, get help. Well, thanks, Hernandez. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Thanks. Thanks, guy with not the same name. Thanks, Pat Hernandez and not Menendez. Thanks, guy that has a name that I remembered as being the same name as the killers.

Yes. Anyway, I hope you're not in jail for killing your parents. Yeah. I hope it didn't inspire you. I hope you got away with it. Yes. Let's just killing your parents. Yeah. I hope it didn't inspire you. I hope you got away with it. Yes. Let's just do one more. Okay.

Thank you very much to Patreon subscribers. Oh, it's the second Mexican-sounding subscriber we've ever had, I think. Okay. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Comedy Gonzalez. Comedy Gonzalez. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Is this like the little cartoon mouse? Exactly. Except instead of being fast. He's funny. He's really funny. That putty tat's always trying to catch him. Yeah. Because he's too funny.

Yeah. And the putty cat, he goes to eat him and then he just tells a really good joke. Yeah. He does crowd work with him. Yeah. And the cat just starts laughing. Pieces of pants. You can't eat something when you're laughing. Yeah. Drops the mouse. He gets away good joke. Yeah, he does crowd work with him. Yeah, and the cat just starts laughing. Pieces of pants. You can't eat something when you're laughing.

Yeah, drops the mouse and gets away. Yeah. Yeah, nice. Anyway, that's who subscribes to this show. Yeah, great, great. Well, thanks, everyone. LittleDumbDumbClub.com if you would like to throw some shekels in. Very much appreciated by us.

You get two bonus mini episodes every week. Get your tickets to Perth if you're over there. November the 23rd at Oasis Comedy Club. Thank you for listening and we will see you next time. See you then.