The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 724 - Tony Martin & Dave Thornton

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

This week we're joined by TONY MARTIN and DAVE THORNTON! Thorno's encountered some Dum Dum fans in the wild, we're speculating about DVD screenings on oil rigs, and we spend a lot of time covering the latest developments in one of our favourite topics whenever Tony's on the show. PLUS Little Blanket has gotten into trouble at Book Week! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Tony Martin and Dave Thornton. We have our show coming up in Perth, November the 23rd. Tickets available now. littledumbdumbclub.com. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode in Talking Dumb Dumb, but until then, enjoy this great new episode with Tony Martin and Dave Thornton. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassel. And with me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler.

Good to be here, kid. And joining us today, two very special guests. Wouldn't you know it? Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Thorne and Tony Martin. Thanks for being here, guys. Good to be back. You've tidied up since we were last here. Is this tidying up? Fucking hell. Welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Dave Thorne and Tony Martin. Thanks for being here, guys. Good to be back. You've tidied up since we were last here.

Is this tidying up? Fucking hell. Where's your big foot? Oh, there it is. Okay. That makes sense. The last time I was here, Little Blanket was also here. It was Carl's daughter just playing under the table.

Oh, that's right. And the review at the end of it, I mean, the apple doesn't fall far from't fall far from the tree tone she was pretty disgusted with the hour of talking i think she gave us the wind up at about the 45 minute mark she really did that's enough all right guys how does she know to flash the red light how does she already know to do that at this age get off she's going enough with the greg fleet story yes yes hey guys i want to give a compliment I know this isn't usually how you guys work this early in the pod, but I want to say I just did four gigs in central New South Wales. I'm doing all right. For Nick Gleeson, Tom Gleeson's brother.

Oh, yes. Lovely guy. But Dumb Dumb fans were coming out of the woodwork. Between Dubbo and Bathurst, you guys are big. Really? Interesting. And they came up to me at the end of the gig and said they bit their tongue because they were about to scream out Westgate during my set.

And I said, it's good to know suicide from Melbourne is travelling all the way up here to Dubbo. You were going that bad, were you? Brave story to tell. Would have got me out of a pickle, to be honest. Next time you see him, if you could tell him to move to Adelaide so we can have some sales over there because we're not going to fucking do shows in Dubbo. I mean, it was quite funny because she said,

I didn't yell it out. I thought, yeah, that would be hard to explain to a room full of people. It was going all right. She screams out Westgate. I have to explain, that's a bridge in Melbourne that my friends make jokes about jumping off and watching as my gig would Westgate its way to the bottom.

Exactly, yeah. Well, we do have fans everywhere. I was messaging a friend of mine last night to see if she wanted to get dinner with a group of us over the weekend. I haven't seen her for a while. She was like, yeah, that sounds great. And, hey, funny timing of you messaging me. I was just at the gym and your friend Kappa was there

in the same gym class as me. Oh, I was going to say, fuck it. Janitor's been taking up a new role. And he was wearing a little dum-dum. Ironically making things smell better. He was wearing a little Dumb Dumb Club t-shirt in this gym class. What? So that merch that I assume we gave to him is now just his workout shirt.

I didn't know we sell activewear. That's awesome. Oh, you're the new Lululemon. This is not activewear. It's like Nike except going back to Westgate, a completely different sense of just do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

This has never occurred to me before, but is Nick Capper related to Warwick Capper? No. I mean, you would think considering... It's a very rare name. It's weird to share the same surname and IQ. You're right. Yeah. Not that we know of, but if we could pitch to get him on, what's that show? The DNA, the family tree.

Where am I from? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if we get him like a 23andMe. I mean, if we could crack this case. Imagine that. Have I ever told this story very quickly? It's less an ancestry tree, more of a skip, really. We've just thrown it all in there.

It's hard rubbish. My family hard rubbish. Yeah, yeah, my uncle's the old toaster. And, yeah, dad's the bookshelf with half of the bits missing. Yeah, and the whole family, the family hard rubbish is still there two weeks later. No one's picked up any of it. Still working. Have I ever said this before?

Warwick Happer, ex-AFL footballer and someone you've had a lot to do with. A brothel owner recently. Oh, yes. Sold his brothel, didn't he? He sold it? Because he was running it for about two months, wasn't he? Yeah. Where was it, Tony?

It was in Oakley. Oh, you fell into the trap. 417. But I can't remember what it was called because he wanted to change the name. I think the reason he got out of it is because they wouldn't let him change it. What would be a pun with the word caparoot? Caparoot? It was something like that.

What would be a pun? You came to the right place. No, shut up. Shut the fuck up. This is why he gets paid the big bucks. But yeah, so he's out of the game. Yeah. But that's a shame.

He would have been one of those ones. It would have been like the same thing as Trump. Like they don't own the actual business. They just put their name on there. Surely. He wouldn't be able to own a brothel, surely. You know, I have a memory of being on the project and it was the time when Sydney played Geelong

in the grand final a few years ago. And they're like, we're going to get Warwick Capper on in a live interview. I'm like, are we? And I'm sitting on the panel and we cut to him. He's at a Bucks party, just hosting it. I dare say some illicit substances running through his system. So he looks like he's in a bit of a mess.

And then straight away they're like, who do you reckon will win, Sydney or Geelong? And he goes, mate, I'm here with little Brad. And he pulls out a midget and just starts interviewing this midget on the project and it's got nothing to do with the grand final. A midget and a mental midget together at last. How did this happen that they, like, did he just message them at the last minute and be like, yeah, as it turns out, I'm actually at a Bucks party at the last minute.

You're going to have to bring the camera crew around here if you want the interview. He's always got a lot of cash gigs going on. When we work with him, every time he mentioned anything, he would just go, how much do you give for that? What do you give for that? Have you been paying attention? What do you get for that? Have you been paying attention? What do you get for that? Yeah, yeah.

And he's always got some cash deals going on, some merch. And then he opened a brothel. That's weird. Yeah. Have I ever told you this one? Maybe not on – maybe – I hope I haven't on the show, but a friend of mine in a little band called The Avalanches, once they collected records.

They always had like a million records. They'd go through piles and piles and piles looking for samples and stuff like that. And they had this really weird children's album that was super old from the 70s or whatever. And it said on the back of it, Warwick Capper, age eight, whatever address. And he, this is one of the guys, he sent it into, if you remember,

there used to be like a segment or whatever in the Age newspaper on a Saturday where you'd send in memorabilia and say, how much is this worth? Like an antiques roadshow, like in the paper. And so he sent this in, this record in, going, this children's album, on the back it says this, it's got a picture of it, owned by Warwick Capper. This is a complete coincidence.

They've just found this in a used record store bin. Yes. And it by Warwick Capper. This is complete coincidence. They've just found this in a used record store bin. Yes. And it's Warwick Capper. Childhood Warwick Capper's album. Yes. And they've said, how much is this worth? A children's album owned by Warwick Capper. And they came back and said, listen, not much.

Because I don't think it's the same Warwick Capper. Because they've spelt the name differently. I'm like, I think that guarantees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a smoking gun. That definitely is. I mean, who knows if the age is correct? We just don't know.

No, but also the address was like, that was his VFL club when he was coming up. It was definitely him. It was that area. It was definitely him. It was Oakley. That's where, I mean, back to his roots. Pardon the pun.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Ed Cavill was working with him and he went to show him a picture on his phone. He was trying to find a picture and he just opened the photos bit and it was just a fully naked picture of himself on there. And most of us would go, oh, sorry, and cover it up.

And he's just gone, what do you reckon? Pretty good for 48. He's just showing everyone this nude picture of himself. You're right at that point. You're at that little shit. You may as well just make it the phone background. Like, why should I wait at any point?

Lean all the way in. But you said before, like, I feel like this is a touchstone for us when we have you. Well, there's two things with you on this podcast, I think. I'm very sorry, but we have gotten rid of the DVD cabinet. Oh, what? All the DVDs are gone, so we can't share them. They're all gone.

They're all gone. Oh, man. Yeah. Did you contact the agent and say, what will I get for this? C-A-R-L Chandler. That's age 49. So when Mrs. Chandler wants to watch 27 Dresses, what does she do? Does she hope it's on Netflix?

Yes. She's subscribed to all the- This does strike me as a household that's got all of them. Disney Plus, Prime Video. Yeah. All of them. Hey You. They all get a good rotation when my wife finishes a season of something and that goes dry.

She moves on to the next. That's a sad passing of an era. I know. I'm so sorry. I didn't know they were all gone. I would have made a trip past the supermarket. Yeah, yeah. Just to get a few new ones.

You know what? Exactly. They're still there. Yeah. We have Disney, or as I call it, the Frozen subscription channel because that's literally the only reason we have it. Oh, right. We pay $15 a month to watch froze

a little while ago tony i went to you know where the dvd is really thriving is in a lot of airbnbs especially in an area where their internet's pretty patchy and they've just made the decision to like buy up as many x rentals as they can and i went to one about a year ago that was like the biggest dvd library i've ever seen in my life in a household. And then accompanying that, there was like a big folder with an alphabetized list of the DVDs that were in there. Yes. But including some little, you know, notations of ones that have since gone missing. So just like going through and being like, oh, Lord of the Rings, the two towers, and then next to it,

no, that's gone. Like bothering to go through and regularly itemise and make sure they keep you abreast of what's no longer in the collection. I always think of, do you remember, I think it's the second or third to last episode of Breaking Bad where Walt has escaped and he's living in a cabin and he has to stay there in the snow for like six months.

He's not allowed to leave. And he looks in the cupboard and they've got two copies of Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. And he's going, why would you have two of that? And I remember staying somewhere, some gig I was doing. I was on a jet star flight once. What did they have? And we had two movies, Iron Man and Iron Man in Japanese. Nice.

Well, I was staying at somewhere for some gig, and these were the videos they had. A DVD of Mr. Popper's Penguins with Jim Carrey, and then a TV show that was like a poor man's sex in the city called Kashmir Mafia. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just had that. And then finally I went, I'm just going to have a look at it. I'll just watch five minutes of Kashmir Mafia. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just had that. And then finally I went, I'm just going to have a look at it.

I'll just watch five minutes of Kashmir Mafia. And you put it on, and, of course, the first thing you see is the copyright warning, not for sale for screening on oil rigs. And you're going, what is the oil rig where they would put on Kashmir Mafia? the oil rig where they would put on Kashmir Mafia. And do the police turn up to oil rigs just to make sure they're not playing MASH or whatever it is? It's on there. Find the DVDs. The pigs are in.

Oh, don't take off Kashmir Mafia. No, this is a play. It's all we've got. I haven't seen my wife in six weeks. It's all I've got. What do oil rigs have the rights to? I'd like to know. What are you meant to do on there?

Why does it matter if they're watching Jumanji? It doesn't matter. It's martial law out there. You don't know. Does that mean there's an opening? If you're not allowed to play any of these TV shows or movies or anything like that, is there a big market for live entertainment on these oil rigs? Could we go and do a live podcast on the oil rig? Yeah.

But can, I mean, an oil rig is at sea. Does that mean, does it get streaming? Is DVD the only option on an oil rig? But they're not allowed to play them. So what are they meant to do? They've got no internet. Yeah. Yeah, you're not, but you're never hearing about anyone being choppered in for a live

gig. Yeah. What are they allowed to do? Yeah. Books? Yuck. But anytime you stay at an Airbnb and they've got some random TV series, this has happened to me before where you're like,

yeah, you know what? I vaguely am aware of this from 10 years ago. I'll give it a go. You watch a couple of episodes. You're like, this is actually pretty goddamn good. And then you get home and a lot of these things, they just don't exist anywhere else now. So you want to keep up with Kashmir Mafia,

it's not on any streaming service. Yeah. So you're never going to be able to watch another minute of it in your life. No. And there's also certain things, like certain films are really good on a plane but it's like it can't survive outside the atmosphere of the plane. You watch it again at home, you go,

oh, this was great at 20,000 feet. They should use planes for test screenings, like you hear them doing in the lead-up to a film coming out. Those stories about, was it like, what band was it, Led Zeppelin, where there's that anecdotal story and then when they're in the studio, what they just recorded, they would test it out on a car radio just because it's like, well, that's where the majority of people

are going to be listening to it. That's the same thing with films. It's like, look, let's be realistic here. The majority of people are going to be taking this in on That's the same thing with films. It's like, look, let's be realistic here. The majority of people are going to be taking this in on a flight. Imagine getting on and it's like, hey, the in-flight entertainment is a bunch of stuff that won't be out for a couple of years and we're going to give you a little feedback card on the way out.

Enjoy this before you hit the oil rig. There you go. I mean, isn't there a theory though? Because Pete Hallier has told me this, because of the elevation, somehow it makes you more emotional when you're watching the movie. There's a whole Miss American life about this,

about people that crying in films on flights that they would never give two shits about on land. Mr. Popper's never going to rescue those penguins. Is it real Kashmir? I don't even know. I'd love to work on an oil rig. I'm never going to work there. Because I did have a moment with that.

It's a long forgotten movie called Real Steel with Hugh Jackman about boxers who... Robot boxers. Robot boxers. So they're not even boxing. He trains the robot boxer. Yeah, but it's the full relationship between his son and him. And I remember I was sitting next to all these professional basketballers from the NBL, the New Zealand Breakers.

So they're just massive men. And I'm sitting there like, oh, that robot's beating the other robot. I was getting very emotional in front of these seven-foot bohemians. It was then that they realised that they were real steel. Oh, God. So poetic. I always confuse real steel oh god oh god so poetic I always confuse real steel

with chappy me too yes yeah similar area similar genre it's the Bill Paxton Bill Pullman of movie titles

yeah you know I had that recently where I was just scrolling and you know how the new thing now on

is to have impersonators they seem to come up in my feed and someone comes up to him with a camera and goes, do Patrick Stewart. And then they just rip it out. And this one guy did it.

He got to do the robot in Short Circuit. And he did the impersonation. I was like, geez, that's a long bow, bro. Like that came out in 85. And you're thinking that TikTokers are going to be like, he's nailed it. He's nailed it from 40 years ago. I think the real reason you're looking at TikTokers are going to be like, he's nailed it. Yeah. I think the real reason you're looking at those videos, I could see Dave Thornton doing that.

I could see you in the street being, have any name thrown at you and doing a fucking fantastic job of it. Yeah, but they'd just be stand-ups that barely anyone has heard of. Yeah, I mean, it's like when you were talking about Carl's daughter being here in the corner of the room the last time we did a podcast here. That podcast we were doing was with you and Josh Thomas. And now what did that sound like? Um, um, um.

Um, it's great to be here. Um, um, um. Yeah, it's a lot. And let's say Shane Bourne had turned up for the podcast hypothetically. What would that be like? Oh, fantastic, boys. Oh, hang on.

Yuzi's arrived. I'll do a kick in an oil wig. Ronnie Chang's finally back on the show. Hang on. You're stupid. You're stupid. You should do your next festival show. It should be Dave Thorne One Man Comedy.

Yeah. And you just do every one. One Man Comedy Festival. One Man Comedy Festival. I have always thought at the end of a festival just to do that on one of those closing night gigs, just getting up and ripping out whoever. Especially those up-and-comers, you know, the ones that have just kind of broken through invariably. Like, if I could get my Guy Montgomery down pat.

Oh, yeah. That's a tough one. See, mine are all from 20 years ago. Darren Casey. Yep. Are you pumping gas into my flat? Of course I am, lady. That's what I do.

That will attract all the new listeners, all the young listeners. Hello to all the Darren Casey fans. That'll be big on TikTok. I used to remember on Poop Ship, the album, when you did Patrick Stewart going through a drive-through. It's still great. Yeah, but that was the thing. Star Trek fans like that sketch,

and I had never seen a single frame of Star Trek. It was totally based on a series he did on Foxtel called MGM, When the Lion Roars. And it was just because I liked saying roars. And then when we recorded it, the woman, Vicky Ma, who produced it, went, you should throw in a couple of Picard lines. And I didn't know what any of them were and she's and we're like going what does he say because there was no google and she's going i

think he says make it so so i said that and now star trek fans oh that star trek sketch you did i'm going no i didn't know anything about what i was talking about it was straight for the ass well dvds and the other thing the other touchstone I was going to say is Greg Fleet's stories. Oh, right. Now, which ones haven't we told? Yeah, yeah. Now, whether it's on the show or off the show, I reckon 60% of our relationship is built on talking about what Greg Fleet's been up to lately. It is something.

Is it just comedians of a certain age when a group of them get together, the Greg Fleet stories will start? Yes. A common thing when we have you on the show, Tony, is there's a minimum hour and a half dismount after the podcast. And I thought we were doing this at my house earlier today, and we've got a rental inspection tomorrow. So it's basically do this and then clean the house. And I was like, well, I don't – I mean, that's kind of –

that's like the thrill of having Tony on the podcast is the post show well i don't want to kick you out of my house but i might have to hand you a bottle of toilet duck there was there was a great day when we had an episode of this and then yeah we drilled you for showbiz stories yes for the rest of the day and you and we were we were late for a gig oh like it was mid-afternoon and we end up having to go we have to leave because it's night time now. I had to leave and then I think I texted you saying, oh, how was the rest of Tony? And then it was like you didn't see the message for like an hour

and then you replied and said, he just left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But see, my problem is I'm going, I can't remember if that was just me talking after the show or whether it was one of your bonus Patreon episodes that do often contain stories that probably couldn't be in the main feed. That's fair. Well, I think we mentioned a phrase before the show

and then that elevated into – made us jump into this. But the last thing I've heard from the great Greg Fleet, friend of the show, was he – I don't know when this was i was just trying to search on his facebook page because about a year ago or something he asked me for a gig and i had to say no i had to just ignore a lot of requests from him because he just doesn't do any gigs and he's very lazy and you know he wasn't he savaging you well that's that's when he then got onto his page and went public called me out and did all this stuff he... But wasn't he savaging you? Well, that's when he then got onto his page

and called me out and did all this stuff about you. He's very lazy. Is this the same Greg Fleet that I know and love? What are you talking about? I think he's pretty driven about getting money out of people. Yeah, that is true. He's a bridge too far. Yeah, I wonder where that drive comes from.

But what had happened? Like, what prompted... Was there a final straw that prompted that post? Yeah, yeah, because he, like, what happened? He came and did some gigs and he was, like, appalling. He was really bad. Didn't you, after him just, like, hounding you for ages, you just, like, you really gave it to him?

Yeah, I snapped. You were like, look, man, no, and here's why. Yes, exactly. And so that prompted the, like, he said I'm no good, he said this, da-da-da. I did say the phrase that phrase he repeated go and get funny man i'm just working with the facts here guys that's all i'm working with because there was a period like fleet had a bit of a mini renaissance about five years ago is when he did a show called

we are idiots oh really and i remember it was the Imperial, and I remember calling people up and going, I think 1989 Greek Fleet is back. Oh, right. But apparently this was not a permanent state of affairs. Oh, right. But that show was fantastic. No. But then I understand there have been others that maybe weren't up to that stage.

Yeah, he came and did. I do love it. It's 89 too. The Berlin Wall is falling. Yeah. It's also- The Tiananmen Square and Fleeting is a rip in the roof. Yeah, yeah. It's 89 too. The Berlin Wall is falling. It's also... Wawa, Neve, or in the Ascension. And Fleety is a rip in the roof.

Yeah, yeah. It's also, Tony, you famously don't have a mobile, so you're on the landline calling people going, 1989 is back. And so much of their time is dialing. Sorry, my payphone just ran out of cash. I'll go... They're free now.

By the way, they're free now. Yeah. Actually, I reckon you and Fleety might be the only two people who use paid phones. I often see him at one. Oh, man. So he did a couple of horrendous gigs for me, including one

where he got up and just... He turned up an hour and a half late for it, then he did... Scarf? Huh? Scarf scarf no oh maybe scarf okay yeah um and then got up and just did 10 minutes of what he thought about the ukraine war without any you know punchline or anything like that and i said to him listen and i was like furious and i said listen i've already got you booked in for tomorrow i don't know how i'm gonna have you back and he's like of course that war wasn't the worst tragedy we saw tonight.

We're a pro-Russia comedy club. I know you Ukraine was bombed, but Spleen was bombed even harder. Isn't Zelensky a comedian?

Like, wasn't he a comedian? Yeah. He would have some good Ukraine material. He played the president on a TV show? Was that? I don't know. Where am I thinking? Am I getting my basket? Anyway, yeah. Surely he would have some good Ukraine material. He played the president on a TV show? Was that? I don't know.

Or am I getting my basket? Anyway, yeah. I don't know. So anyway, I said to him, and because of the certain lifestyle choices Greg Fleet has and people of that persuasion have, you know the thing where I'm saying to him, listen, you just did this.

You got up there. You didn't think about what you were going to say at all. You didn't prep. You come in there. You're bonked. People were walking out. I remember very distinctly someone came up to the bartender and went,

who's that bloke on stage right now? And they go, oh, I think his name's Greg Fleet. And the guy said, well, whoever he is, he's fucking shit ass. And so... I felt like that was a leading question. He didn't really want to know who he was. He was really setting himself up. So anyway, I gave it to him and I was like, mate. He didn't really want to know who he was. He was really setting himself up.

Yeah. So anyway, I gave it to him and I was like, mate, you didn't think about it. You turned up an hour and a half late and you could see him just like going like, just his eyes sort of blanking over and just not listening. And then when I got to the end of it,

he sort of went, so I'm all good for tomorrow night. I'm still MCing tomorrow night. The money's still good for that. And I'm like, mate. And you know, just that thing of like, I don't care what's going on. I need to get what I need to get. You know what I mean?

So I'm like, he defeated me. I was like, all right, man. But the rule is you come back, you open with the best of Greg Fleet for 10 minutes. Then you come back on with the second best of Greg Fleet for seven minutes. And that's your thing. So what happens? He gets up. Welcome to Spleen. What's going on with the Ukraine?

And just does the whole fucking thing again. There's more people at the bar. Who the fuck is this guy? So then it leads into that. So then he's looking for more stuff and he's like, and he's also he's messaging me stuff like none of this free gig shit. Where's this good

money? I want all this. And I'm like, mate, I don't even want to give you a free gig. Like, where are you going? I don't want to. And then that leads to that. I have a conversation where I'm like, mate, you don't do any gigs. You're not doing comedy. You're not in any good form.

Go get funny. Come back to me then. And then he just goes to Facebook and says to everyone, this man is depriving me of my living. This man is ruining my comedy career and all this stuff. It was like, mate, there's more gigs than my gigs. You can go and do whatever you want. Wasn't there a bit at one point where he's like, now I will admit I was shit there for a little bit,

but I'm back now. I'm good again. And so what happened then? So then I had fans of Greg Flake getting in the inbox going, you've got to give Fleety a gig. And me responding, no, he's shit, and them going, fair enough. I tried.

I mean, I would like to point out that war's still going, so it didn't even fix that problem. It was all for nothing. So anyway, then that led into the- This is really going to jeopardise you and me's role that we've been given in Die On Your Feet Season 2, I have to say, if you don't hype down with this kind of stuff publicly me's role that we've been given in Die On Your Feet Season 2, I have to say. If you don't hype down with this kind of stuff publicly. The role that we've been promised.

I was in Season 1. Were you? Yeah. Me and Corinne Grant snogged. Really? So that's why she quit. Because? To study the law.

I'm going to study law. Because you know the great thing? I thought I was the straw. You know the great thing that I thought I was the straw. Yeah, yeah. You know the great thing that that show actually did do? It kept Bill Hunter alive for four years because Bill Hunter died, I think it was like 2010, but his last credit was an appearance in Die on Your Feet.

So the longer the show was not screened, the longer his career went because his IMDb page still had in production. And by the time it airs, it's been so long since he's died that people are like, this is disgusting when they bring people back with these deep fakes and holograms. No, that's just the quality of the show. No, but seriously. It actually was him. But the show went to where it was like 2015.

And so now it literally gave Bill Hunter's career an extra five years. Oh, God. So when you look up active, it's like active 1954 to 2015. Five years beyond his death. Ten peach residuals rolling into the estate of Bill Hunter. He was more active than Fleety was by the sounds of things. Good stuff. So I deprived him of his career.

He wasn't doing any gigs and whatever. So he did the post, he tagged you in it and everything. Yeah, yeah. But then there was never any like direct correspondence

between the two of you off the back of that public. No, no. And all his allies had one shot, did they? There was a lot

of nasty comments underneath. Yeah, yeah. A lot of nasty comments. I thought, I'll stay out of this. It's fine. And then, then I was sort of like, because one of my arguments was,

well, mate, you're not even doing any gigs. So, you know, as we all know, if you're not doing gigs, you're not fit and you're not going to be good at your job and it goes with anything. And he was like, no, no, I do all these gigs all the time. I was like, well, you don't. So then I would keep an eye out in case he was doing a gig and stuff like that.

And he never was. But then all of a sudden, he popped up with a show in Adelaide. So he was doing the Adelaide Fringe. Was that this year or last year? Yeah, that was this year. This year, yeah. So then I was like, okay, well, I've got to know about this. Like this guy that doesn't do any gigs.

And people should know that Carl does know everything that's going on. Like, I'll do a show in Sorrento and then I'll get an email three days later and it'll be from Carl and we'll go, I hear there were 30 empty seats at Sorrento. How did he have someone there? Does he have CC cameras at every venue on the peninsula? I feel like I've been in every room in this apartment. I've still never been able to find the control room with the AC monitors

and the sonar. I think it's Dexter's laboratory style, like underneath the... So when Carl says keeping an eye on, he knows every show that's going on. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of messages that come back to me going, why do you

need to know this? There's a lot of messages I put out to people going, you need to tell me the lay down on this. The FBI of open micers. How's need to tell me the lay down on this. The FBI have opened Micah's. How's that? You're the J. Edgar Hoover. I am. The guy's getting up and doing five minutes of bombing.

You got me. I'm the one checking on the oil rigs. I'm the one who knows if there's any shows being played out there. But what happened with Adelaide was I remember that show was going to open and Carl, I bumped into Carl and he already had two spies who were prepared to go along. Absolutely. Do you remember who they were? Yes, I do.

Maybe we won't say who they were. Okay. So many unsolved murders in this country that that beautiful mind could be put to work on and instead we're tracking down Adelaide fringe shows that sound like they might be bad. Yeah, guys, don't weasel out your double agents. They're deep undercover. They're going to work for me again.. Yeah, guys, don't weasel out your double agents. Like, they're deep undercover. They're not going to work for me again.

Come on, guys. Are you an informant for Carl Chandler? You have to tell me if I ask. You idiot. Imagine giving these names away. They might be open mic gigs I don't know anything about in the future.

Carl, I'm not doing this again. I'm wearing a freaking wire, Carl. Someone reading a newspaper with eye holes cut out in the corner of a ballroom. A big copy of The Groggy Squirrel with eye holes cut out. With Brad Oaks' eyes cut out. But hang on now. Hang on.

We have to go back because you said bad gigs. Now, but we don't know about this adelaide gig no what happened when you deployed your spies so i yes one day before retirement so that he was doing a week over there with a new show and so i had two people lined up to go on the opening night and then plans changed and then they had to go the second night instead. So this was advertised as an all new show. Fleety's done it again. He's a genius.

The genius is back. The scarf is back. All that sort of stuff. These are people that you've flown in from interstate. You've meanwhile booked them on a gig here. You've put them on the poster on the lineup so that they've got an alibi back in there for when Fleety's show was on Adelaide.

No one will ever know they were there. I told you, walk in eating a pie floater, pretending you're a local. How about those crows? He is good. They were both disguised as a singular giant metal ball. That was a Tony Modra. What an amazing player.

How cool is it being half an hour behind, everyone? Who doesn't like a weird society murder? Yeah, they came in like they were poor. It's like, no, no, you don't dress as barrels. You look like you're the victim of a killing. Guys, we went through this in training. Come on. You've overcorrected.

What are you doing? Too far. Never go too Adelaide. Oh, man. So, anyway, something came up and they got double bookings. So they weren't available for night one. The stupid thing is, you know is The lament of a lot of people I was going to go, I was going to see the Beatles on that night

And I thought surely they'll come back to Festival Hall again And with a lot of shows You think like I'll go like week two when it's really cooking But something like this You need to get boots on the ground night one You need to be in there Must have been hard for you too because you're thinking they've defected.

Yeah, you've lost them. He got to you, didn't he? Has he paid you more to come and see my shit show? Oh, this is a series. This is a series that you find on DVD and Airbnb

that doesn't exist on any streaming platform. It's like Bridge of Spies but at the Murray River. I'll give you one of yours if you give us one of mine. Also, I love that negotiation. I'll pay you more than the channel's paying you. Can you lend it to me first?

Oh, wow. He reckons once he gets his hands onto it, I'm going to make some real cash. Do this for me, I'll cast you in season three of Die on Your Feet. Yeah, yeah. I promise. Read out. I'm rebooting it.

It's my show. So they get booked for another gig that night and go, oh, there's plenty. He's doing a whole week. Go to the second night. So they roll up to the second night. Show cancelled. Oh.

Show cancelled. Oh, okay. Night two. Night two. So then it's not on. So they're like, okay. So we'll go night three. Surely.

Yeah. So then one of these comedians then is out in the morning and sees Greg Fleet in a pub having a red wine at 10 a.m. in the morning. So whatever the illness was the night before. Also, his illness was the... There was something. Who knows?

It couldn't have been ticket sales, surely. He's sick of popularity. That's what he's sick of. So then I think that might have been the order of affairs. It was like, okay, so then my spy number one looked into it and went, was Greg Fleet in the pub drinking a red wine at 10 a.m.? Also, who opens at 10 a.m. to be serving Greg Fleet red wine? But anyway...

You're going to need to bring more spies in to solve this issue. Yes, yes. Also, who opens at 10am to be serving Greg Fleet red wine? But anyway. You're going to need to bring more spies in to solve this issue. Yes. Yes. Yeah, exactly. I was like, well, yeah, I was on the verge. He's getting really Tinker Taylor.

Yeah. I was on the verge of sending more troops across the border. I was like, if you can't close this case in the next 48 hours. Tinker Taylor soldier, open mic up.

The hunt for Fleety drinking red in October. That's good. Green is not October. Red April. Red March. Yeah. Red February.

Yeah. Yeah. So then someone looked into it. Someone said looked into it and saw

Greek Fleet and said okay we came to see you. What happened? Why wasn't your show on? And he said

I couldn't do the show because I was bleeding from the anus. Right now that because So wait was that a glass of red wine? Was he just drawing evidence?

Maybe the pub wasn't open. Because see when Carl told me that story he left out the bit about how he came across that information so all I got was the show was cancelled because he was bleeding from the anus. And I'm driving home and it suddenly occurred to me, wow, Carl really has specific information.

His spies. How did his spies know that he was bleeding from the anus? I got spies in the hospital as well. Yeah, Carl went undercover as the doctor. For the big cases he puts himself on the field, you know. But I remember thinking, Fleety should be capitalising on this. This is a great name for his next comedy festival show. Greg Fleet is bleeding from the anus.

Yes. We've talked about how shows' titles are getting too generic due to the early registration time. Peter Hellyer is snazzy. He has no idea what that means. He's had to register it seven months before the show's written yeah all right fleety's got 10 years in an adult diaper i mean that's it you register greg fleet is bleeding from the anus in october and then you start trying the gear and it's not working you're like god i've backed myself into a corner

here it's really made a rod grab back here mean, it's going to get people talking if you see that in the program. Because if you notice the program doesn't even have a blurb of the show anymore. No.

So you've really got to get that name right. You've got to explain why you've called it Fleety's Bleeding from the Anus. I'm not looking forward to the artistic

end though. Invariably it's the big reveal at the end and snap to black. If you go to a show called Bleeding from the Anus, you've got to see the anus

bleeding. You've got to see it. And then we a show called Bleeding from the Anus, you've got to see the anus bleeding. You've got to see it. And then we realised we were all bleeding from the anus. Why is there a warning not to sit in the front row? We'll see how we go. These screens are a bit big. There's a warning not to sit backstage because that's why his arse is facing.

Yeah, so we don't have any more... So did the whole season... The whole season, I believe, after that was then. Done. Yeah. It was like in the footy ins and outs. Out, Greg Fleet, brackets, bleeding anus. So if your spies had have gone along to night one,

they would have seen 100% of the performances of that Greg Fleet show in Adelaide. Good thing is I dug deeper and I did find one audience member. A person who went along? Yes. And what did they do? Oh, just a gun for hire. Yeah. So this is no one in your team.

A new recruit. A new recruit. A freelancer. Someone offering information on the dark web. And they know exactly where they're getting the money from. So this information is useless to everyone in the world except for I reckon I could get $1,000 from Carl Chandler. Goddamn mercenaries.

Carl on r slash Adelaide. Hey, anyone check out a great feature last night? The amount of times I wish I'd been able to get more information like that. But yes, I did get one person. I did get an insider. And it was, and the review was, and I'm glad you're all sitting down for this, but for the brand new hour of Greek Fleet, it was the best of Greek Fleet. It was stuff from 30 years ago.

Well, he's probably distracted because he could feel a bit of seepage coming from the anus. And just thinking like, I don't have it in me to remember this new script. All the blood's draining from his brain to his anus so he can't remember his new material. And in fairness,

his confidence was shook. He tried the Ukraine stuff. He completely cut him down to size. But I have to say, if you need to get out of something, bleeding from the anus is a good... Because who's going to question that?

That's not one you just make up. Yeah. That has to be true. You'd have to be fucked in the head to, for example, mock it on a podcast for 20 minutes. Terrible. And you're saying, Tony, that someone like, for example, Greg Fleet has become really, really good at lying and figuring out

the best way to make something up to get out of something. Is that what you're sort of – That's what I'm saying at least. He really does speak to how long he's been an addict for to be driven to like, God, I can't believe this is the... I really have used up every other excuse under the sun. This is all I have left. And also I'm bleeding from the anus.

I should go to ED. But first, a red wine at 10am. Just to savour this moment before I get the diagnosis it is like that did you see that story a few months about the guy who took super viagra and uh his his penis was starting to split so he so he went to the to the hospital but not before going a Hungry Jack's drive-thru. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so horny.

This is an urgent situation, but I really need some – there's a really great meal deal. Yeah, yeah. So we'll go – Before I tend to this whopper, I might get another one. Now, hang on. Don't worry about the onion rings. I can hold them.

Super Viagra. Yeah, it was Super Viagra this sounds like something that someone makes up at school yes well yes i mean obviously you have to be very careful but if you were to google the phrase super viagra and hungry jacks you will find a very funny story on the daily mail yeah right in the daily mail of all places i'm not surprised they had the scoop on that one yeah i think greg Fleet might be their top journalist over there. Oh, man. Yeah.

And so that was the last, so that show and the bleeding anus scuttlebutt that you heard. Scuttlebutt? I think that is actually the technical term. That's how he got a bleeding anus. No, that's how he got a bleeding anus. He scuttled his butt. That's the show name because if you see it and the bleeding anus stuff is in there, you're

like, oh, I get it. But if not, it's still vague enough that you can kind of put anything under that. Yeah. So was that the start of this year? Yeah. I can't find the big thing on his Facebook page where he went me. I can't find it. Maybe he deleted it.

I doubt it. I doubt he knows how to do that. Maybe he got bad news Off the back of this Anus situation And it's made him just Kind of Re-evaluate everything I thought it was karma

That's so true isn't it I don't want to go to the grave With a bleeding arsehole And a black mark Against myself and Carl's name Yeah yeah yeah Yeah I'm doing this

For the people of Ukraine I really need to Sort that out Before I shuffle off This mortal coin Yeah yeah Maybe he thought It was like a voodoo doll He's like He dealt with one bloody arsehole That was me Yes for the people of Ukraine. I really need to sort that out before I shuffle off this mortal coin. Maybe he thought it was like a voodoo doll.

He's like, he dealt with one bloody asshole that was me. Yes. And he got another one off the back of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Voodoo doll.

Do we think you'll be back next Adelaide Fringe? Do a makeover of this show that he didn't... For all the ticket holders that missed out on... Exactly. ...from Tuesday through to Sunday.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. I don't believe so. I don't believe so. Man. Yeah. Wow. I don't. I'm sure everyone was refunded.

I would doubt that. Oh, but live arts is just in a shambles in this country, isn't it? If Greg Fleet can't make a go of it, what hope do the rest of us have? So true. Yeah. I think he's really got to do bleeding from the anus next year. Yeah, I hope so. And maybe have a screen with

the post, with all the comments, the full story from his point of view. Obviously you wouldn't want any photos from the doctors from the examination. They could be blurred, obviously. He doesn't want to show anything. Who's that guy, Raymond Crowe,

the fucking shadow puppeteer? He could get him in to do a bit of a reenactment of the tasteful, you know? I'm going to need to see the pictures. I'm going to need to see them, unfortunately. I do. If I'm there, if I've given up a night of my life, I do want 49-minute mark. I want the photos as the big send-off.

Absolutely. Don't stop believing. Yeah. Absolutely. If you like to tell some friends, if you didn't like it, shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. If you like to tell a doctor, ask what's wrong. Yeah.

Well, they often, you know, if you, I don't know whether anyone here is old enough to have had a colonoscopy, but when you go for one, there are photographs taken. And usually they're emailed to your own doctor so that he can then check them out. My doctor, been seeing him for so long, not on email. It's all cardboard. A concertina of medical records comes out when I go to see my doctor. Really? So the people at the colonoscopy place give me an envelope to take to the doctor.

And I'm going, I wonder what's in the envelope. It's not sealed. Oh, my God. Why did I look in there? There's actual photographs that have been taken that I'm delivering. My fiance had to have one recently. And she came out of the thing and had been under the anesthetic. And they just gave her a big blown up picture of it.

Blown up? Yeah. Oh, my God. And so I pick her up. And I help her into the car because she, big blown up picture of it. Blown up? Yeah. Oh, my God. And so I pick her up and like she gets, I like help her into the car because she's still kind of out of it. And I'm like driving along the freeway and I can just see in my peripheral vision this like just horrific. And I was like so hard to not crash the car.

Like it was just so distracting. Like stealing little glances at it being like, oh, my God, why have they just given you this? Just like. It's a manila folder at least. Yeah. Yeah. Jeez, that's a buy beware, isn't it, really?

Like, you guys, we're going to spend the rest of our lives, oh, that's pushing it. That is really pushing it, to be honest. I scheduled the colonoscopy. Nothing was wrong. I was like, I just want to see what I'm going to be dealing with for the rest of... Always look under the hood of a car. Not just purchasing it like this. I always look under the hood of a car I'm not just purchasing it like this

But what I'm saying is If Greg Fleet needs pictures for his slideshow For Bleeding from the Anus Book now You'll sell him yours Oh wow No but I'm saying he could get them from his own I truly thought that's what you were offering

That's funny Oh my god Who celebrities is this guys? And that's our bit of scuttlebutt. It's like, you know, Fleety's really powerful one-man show that's like winning all the awards and he shows his anus at the end.

It's actually Tony Martin. It's not even his bleeding anus. It's not even his anus. He didn't write it. He didn't write it. Someone else is doing his gig. That would be the perfect end to a Greg Fleet show.

That would be absolutely perfect. This is the most us we've ever been. Not only is it behind the curtain comedy gossip, but it's also a bleeding rectum together at last. But also a good idea for a show. Yeah. Totally. If word got round, if you heard from people,

Fleet is back and he's doing the bleeding anus gear. Are you firing up the messenger and being like, all right, enough water under the bridge. Yep. I'm pleased to welcome you back. Please. Do whatever Ukraine stuff you want, as long as it's a lead into the bleeding.

Yeah, make a Facebook status about how we're mates again. Whatever you want. Can you set up a screen at the basement? Is there room for projecting? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Could work. The infrastructure's all there.

This is silly not to, to be honest. I mean, Fleety wouldn't know either way. I remember doing a gig with him years ago, and he led into a bit going, is it? No, I don't think this is my bit. Should I say it? I don't know. And the crowd's like just going, yeah, I don't care.

And then tells the whole story and gets off stage, and he's like, whose bit is that? And I'm like, it's yours. He's forgotten his material so much. And he also gets things from his own life. Like, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Peter Allen, have we talked about this? Peter Allen's final ever tour of Australia,

where he only had two months left to live. And he books- The boy from Australia. The original, not Hugh Jackman as him. The boy from Australia. The actual boy from Australia. The boy from Australia. So formal.

The boy from Australia. Please, boy from Oz. So formal. The boy from Australia. Please, the boy from Australia was my father. We're friends here. Please. That's the man from Australia. But no, so that's like a show that's going to be playing Hilton Hotels and Jupiter's Casino. Who does he choose

as his support act? Comedian Greg Fleet. And who does he sack after the very support act? Comedian Greg Fleet. And who does he sack after the very first night? Comedian Greg Fleet. And I've said that to Greg Fleet. I'm going, Greg, do you remember that time you were fired by Peter Allen just before he died? Like probably the last big decision he made. And Fleet goes, oh, where was that when I was writing my book?

Yeah, yeah. Who would forget that? That's amazing. Like any of us, that would be the opening. That would be the introduction to the book. I got sacked by the gentleman from Oceania. Amazing. Australasia, he was opening up.

Who forgets that? The sentient being from the southern hemisphere. From Bora Australis. I don't want to be too specific. You count out a big chunk of your audience if you go too... Who would have... Jeez, Sportsbet must have lost a lot of money on betting between who was the one who was going to die of AIDS first,

Greg Fleet or Peter Allen. Surely. What was that paying out? Talking about bleeding from the anus. You finally pushed us too far. We've been very good for the last few days. We've been ticking along. We've been fine.

We've been having a wonderful time. We've been playing along. We've been all hidden spies. Let's reset. Let's reset. Take a breath. It was about a bleeding anus, but there was a nice little flight of fancy in there about you being a spy,

so that really kind of got us over the line. Let's take a breath. All right. What about this? I have just... So blankets in prep or what I believe they call foundation now. That's what I think. Is that right?

First grade of school. Yes. Yeah. And so we've just had our first ever book week. Oh, yes. Oh, you just had it. I got it tomorrow with my kids. Oh, I thought it was like, oh, really?

I thought it was like a Christmas Day thing. No. It's a permanent. You thought it was like horse's birthday? Yes. It's like King's birthday, mate. Really? Every state's different.

It's like Easter. Floats around. Floats around. Oh, I didn't know that. Depends when the school. I thought it was like, yeah, I thought it was global. But it's just whenever the school can be fucked. What is book week?

So, well, that's a good question because I – is it an Australian thing? Is it a worldwide thing? I think it's Australia. Oh, I think it's Australia. That's a very good question. I don't know if it's further than this. Where you just dress up as your favourite character from a book. It's what I would have called in my day Fancy Dress Day.

Well, that's what we had at Maryborough 404 Primary School, Fancy Dress Day. Did you have a Fancy Dress Day, Tony? No, we had what would be called mufti day. Yep. Which was not where one dresses up as a senior figure in the Islamic world. It's an odd name. No, it was just normal clothes. Really?

So it wasn't fancy dress? It wasn't like costumes? No, it was just like because we had uniforms at my school. So for that, for Mufti Day, you could just wear whatever you want. You two reacted like the most natural thing in the world. I've never heard that phrase before in my life. I've heard of it. We called it Casual Clothes Day.

And then as I got older, friends from other schools would call it Mufti Day. But I've never, what is it? I thought it was a New Zealand thing, but then it was in Clive James' book. So maybe it's an olden days or something. Yeah, does it stand for something? I don't know, but it's spelled the same. It's M-U-F-T-I. Oh, okay.

Interesting. So you didn't get to dress up as anything? No, I don't think so. Because we had a fancy dress parade at our primary school. They don't mince words, do they, Maryborough? It's fancy dress, so just wear fancy dress. Yes. Could it come from a book? Whatever you want to, mate? It's fancy dress, so just wear fancy dress. Could it come from a book?

Whatever you want in, mate. It's fancy dress. That's what it was. That's what it was. And their licensing issue. I know on the TV show The Librarians, they had like a Harry Potter day at the library, and then at the last minute they had to blur a lot of the costumes. Oh, like in the making of the show?

Yeah, like all of the posters for the Harry Potter day in the background of the library had to be digitally altered at enormous cost. Crazy thing to not check before shooting. Yeah, we're right to just throw this copyrighted shit in there. Nobody owns Harry Potter, do they? Yeah, yeah. At school, I'm assuming all bets are off.

JK Rowling sitting on her billions going, I want some of that librarian money now. Thanks very much. Yeah, yeah. Come of that librarian money now. Thanks very much. Yeah, yeah. Come on, Robin and Wayne. Cough up. Yeah, totally. Did you have fancy dress day?

Did you have a dress up day? We did. We have a yes dress up day. In Geelong, you have poppy kettle, which is supposedly a rumour of these little people that came across the sea. Because supposedly an actual kettle was found somewhere down on the coast, surf coast.

And there were supposedly little fairies in it. So there was a big – it's a story that is honestly – Wow. I bet you it's all disappeared, but it was a real thing that we grew up with. Going over on those poppy kettle. Just in Geelong. Just in Geelong and down the surf coast. It was a poppy kettle thing in the 80s.

Got down at Johnson Park. What was the link between that and you dressing up? Yeah, what are you – Well, that was it. I thought we'd hit the high mark of absurdity on this episode with him being a spy, but you've outdone him. Where I grew up, what are you... Well, that was it. I thought we'd hit the high mark of absurdity on this episode with him being a spy, but you've outdone him. Where I grew up, an hour away from Melbourne, we believe in a little kettle washing up on

the beach. Then fairies pick it up. Absolutely. But then it makes me wonder, because I was in primary school, I vaguely remember this, which is there probably was a theme, but then my parents were so lazy, they're like, you can dress as whatever you want. Yeah. So I'm not sure if there was a, you had to dress as this puppy kettle yeah yeah story or

my parents just went whatever well that's what i got to get to work that's what i think is is uh embedded in book work because it's a bit like you know my daughter's five and it's like you know dresses your favorite character from your favorite book and it's like these kids are dressing as whatever they want there's a lot of like technical there's frozen books there's like a hundred of them so that's technically

there's a lot of reverse engineering there's you know kids wanting to dress up as footballs and bringing in the AFL footy record and going that's a

book isn't it surely that's a book I got the back page of the Herald Sun yeah yeah yeah my daughter was like yeah so she wanted to dress up as

Elsa from Frozen not her favourite author Carl Chandler from Funny Buggers no no unfortunately not Yeah. My daughter was like, yeah, so she wanted to dress up as Elsa from Frozen. Not her favourite author, Carl Chandler from Funny Buggers? No, no. Unfortunately not. Have you got Liverpool gear? Yeah, yeah. You can wear that if you like. I have friends who've written books who, like, you see them at book week

and they're sending their kid along to school as the character from their book and it's like, this is narcissism on a level that you can't even chart. I'm going along as a character from These Things Happen. Greg Fleet's book. Turn around. We don't need to see that side of you. Turn around. Not that side.

Wow, the parents really stayed up all night working on the prosthetics of this. You've got to hand it to them. Some real pyrotechnics going on there. They gave their six-year-old track marks? That is incredible. The commitment is amazing. Carrying a red wine and bleeding from the anus. Well, you know, her dad worked on Mad Max,

so he kind of knows his shit when it comes to this kind of prosthetics area. He's pretty good, yeah. So, no, no. So, yeah. But is this a lot of work? Like, how do you just buy that costume or do you have to make it? It's not like the old days where i remember mom having to elaborately make because this might surprise you in the uh the the early 80s there wasn't too many costume shops in mirabara population seven and a half thousand so

but i bet there's still kids who are like my favorite book is you know some obscure ass thing where the parents are having to make it up so you're lucky if your kid is like not that i saw on the day well yeah but you're lucky yeah generally you're lucky you're like your kid would be like into some like yeah especially at that age but like i said you know it's it's a bit of a stretch these guys are like you know bringing in books where it's like is this from a book you know like you know blankets coming in as as uh uh what's her name the princess from from elsa Elsa. Elsa from Frozen. And it's like, oh, have we got a book? And like the only book we had was, there was a free book that came with an Elsa toothbrush.

So then she's bringing that in like that's her favourite book, you know. From the good people at Oral-B, the new imprint of Penguin. I have this cool memory of being in prep and coming in on Monday morning and we'd have to do like a write in a little diary of like what we did over the weekend and like the simpsons had just started on tv and there was like a i think it was like tip-top bread had like a competition where you could send off a little coupon from the rapper and and maybe win something and the rapper had all this like simpsons stuff on it which i just remember really wanting this like loaf of bread because it had all this simpsons stuff on it and so when i got to like school school on the Monday morning and I had to write like

what I did over the weekend, I just left out all the key information about it and was like, my parents got me a loaf of bread over the weekend with zero context of why I wanted it because of the Simpson stuff. So I just remember, I just had this image of my teacher reading this and being like, you know, in the staff room,

like, do we bring in child services here? It sounds like this kid is big. It's a big event for him to get some bread at home. Like, they're keeping him locked under the stairs. And then forcing him to eat a loaf by himself. Next weekend, do you get butter? I remember we had a tip top, yeah, you want a loaf of bread.

And then we were like, I just ate an entire loaf of bread that day. Like, I won it. And I thought, oh. It's most of my days. I love that shit. I love bread. So how many Elsas are getting around at book week at your kids' school? There were two.

Two in her class. So we did the whole thing. I went shopping. There's a costume shop down the road. Got in early. Got the new costume. Fuck yeah. She was wrapped.

She had an old costume she thought she was going to wear on the day, come out. Guess what? It's a brand new costume. You get a wig. You get the whole palaver. Awesome. She's wrapped.

She's so excited. She goes to school. That's hilarious. My youngest wants Elsa, and I just bought her an outfit from Savers for five bucks. You actually bought it outright. Not even the costume? You're just, like, piecing together? It says Carl Chandler on the back of it.

Spell it, see? Yeah. Costume, you're just like piecing together. It says Carl Chandler on the back of it. Spell it with a C. And what book did the other person who had the Elsa costume go with? Surely there's a Frozen colouring book. Yeah, there must be. There'd be like a picture book version of it. Yeah, there would be. No shortage of Kmart for buying that stuff. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

So they had a big parade, stuck around for the parade. All the kids would go around the parade. And, you know, she's wrapped with it. She gets to see what all the other kids are dressed as. You know, so great day. So I'm like, awesome, great. Now I come home and then it continues on at the end of the day with a big email from the teacher that sort of says, you know,

it's been a great day. Everyone's so wrapped. One of those days where to be fair a couple of uh weeks beforehand they'd had a bit of a little bit of a dress-up day with other sort of things and i we kind of felt like we'd let her down a little bit we'd done a bit of last minute sort of gear and she got to school and all the other kids have been dressed up massively i'm like oh shit you know we've got to go to effort on on a big day like this because this is what you remember so she's had this great day awesome guess the end of the day the teacher emails us to say congratulations on everyone uh everyone looked

great and then there's an attachment at the bottom there's two two attachments at the bottom book week one book week two j.jpeg awesome so i've already taken pictures at the parade and you know as she's getting dressed and whatever i've already got that that. And then I open up JPEG 1 and it says, and it's just like a class photo of everyone, everyone dressed up with their books. Awesome. That's the picture there. There's Blanket in the middle there,

Hold My Frozen book. There's a bunch of all the other kids. Yep. Now, um... Spider-Man there. Yeah, Spider-Man. What Spider-Man book is that? Exactly.

See, that's a colouring book right there. Yeah. They're mostly colouring books. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. What Spider-Man book is that? Exactly. See, that's a colouring book right there. They're mostly colouring books. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. I mean, I guess it's the first year of primary school, they're not going to be like, I love a Tom Clancy novel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. There's two Where's Wally's.

I mean, there should only be one, really. Yeah, well. When I was in grade three. Yeah, we've overcorrected. We've found two. Yeah, yeah. Where's Wally's? When I was in, like, grade three, I had a book adaptation of Ace Ventura.

Oh, wow. And the end bit of it, the big reveal, is just like something else entirely that they made up for the book. Because it is kind of like aimed at kids. And I think I'd seen the film at the time. And it has a crying game style twist. Yeah. And I think I'd seen the film at the time and been like, I don't really get what's happened here.

Okay, and then reading the book, and it's just like a completely different sanitised ending and reading the book and being like, oh, this must be the actual real original ending. And they changed it for the film. This isn't the Ace Ventura I know. So that's.jpg1. Of course, that means that the question is, what is.jpg2? What could be possibly left to show you in.jpg1. Of course, that means that the question is what is.jpg2?

What could be possibly left to show you in.jpg2? Exactly. So what they've done is they've obviously done like a let's all take a picture and everyone smile and what a great day it's been. And then as a safety, now let's have a silly one. Okay. And so I'm about to show you the silly one, and I'll show you if you'd like to remember in which place Blanket was,

and you can have a look at all the other kids, what they think is silly, and then what my daughter thinks is silly. All right. Here we go. And any one of you guys can describe what you see here. I really hope we don't see any. Here is Blanket. Okay.

Well, look, it puts the ending of Fleety's new show to shame. I'll say that much. She's showing what she might look like with a sort of Selling Sunset style makeover. Yeah, that's very, very generous. I think you're being very generous, Tony. Okay, no. It would be what we would describe on the show as doing the eyes. Oh, there you go.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. She's doing another little dress-up as if she was born a little bit more in Southeast Asia than she was in Australasia. The relief on Tony's face of like, oh, we can actually say that. Okay, cool. I mean, if it had a soundtrack, it would be da-da-da-da-da. Yes.

Yes. Absolutely. And one of the kids down, one of the Spider-Men down the corner, appears to be giving her a sort of a suspicious look. Oh, there's, yeah, there's a bit of that going on. So then I'm like, it's so undeniable what she's doing. I'm like, oh, fucking my God. And this was closely followed up by an email saying,

could you come into the office? Oh, no. It's not my fault that her favourite book is Breakfast at Tiffany's. Yeah. Oh, no. She's done that. So have you had to grill her about this? Pat her on the back, grill, whatever you want to describe it.

So she came home. That's it, young lady. No sweet and sour pork for your dinner. Go to your room. I mean, Carl, you could end up in the Daily Mail, seriously. Absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely. It is so... I would love to put this up on socials,

but the thing is I don't want anyone to see my daughter and the way that you blank someone out is blank out their eyes and so that takes away all the point of putting this picture up. But she's full on... That's your first takeaway? Oh, damn it, I can't put this on Instagram oh my god

I can finally show Fleety when you shit on me you shit on this girl as well leave house Chandler alone yeah all of a sudden

that Ukraine gear is starting to sound pretty good yeah oh god so you hang on a second we don't live in a. But like you, hang on a second, we don't live in a world

of like you take it on film and then two days later you're like, oh no, look what's happened. You can delete that real easily. Like for the teacher,

do you know what I mean? For the teacher to be like, well, we need to come in and talk about this. Or you can tell her don't do it and then take another one.

She's in the middle. They could crop one side of it and send that side to those parents and then crop the other side and send that to those parents and just leave blanking out. And it's been sent out like it's in the parents group chat.

So everyone's got this. Yeah, everyone's got it. Oh, mate. Any chatter? Any comments? I've stayed out of the WhatsApp since then. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I love is so she's come home. Because you know every other parent is like, there but for the grace of God go I. Do you know what I mean? Thank God it's someone else's kid playing up and not mine. Yeah, so she's come home and i'm like oh my god i have to have the talk i like how do i have this talk so she's there i'm gong her red i'm looking yeah harry connor jr's sitting there this is no good yeah this is no good yeah

shouldn't be doing this she's sitting here and I'm having to show her the pic and go, hey, you know how that first pic, this is nice, you smiling properly. Oh, what a beautiful picture. This next picture, I said, oh, we don't do that. You're not allowed to do that anymore. She's like, why? And I said, oh, we're just not allowed. It's not a nice thing to do.

No one's allowed to do it. She said, yeah, but my friend looks like that. And I went, she said yeah but my friend looks like that and i went no just because your friend looks like that you're not allowed to make fun of her by even worse yeah even worse and i'm like you're not allowed to do and she goes what do you mean you're not allowed to do it just be she goes no my friend and i was like oh fuck her mate next to her is doing exactly the same i thought she met her asian friend it like, no. She's got another one she can, like, get dobbed in with as well, so that's pretty good. So you've never seen her, like, do this around the house or anything?

No, no, no. So it's learned behaviour from one of the other kids. And was that kid, you know, the subject of talk on the... No, but you know what? You look at the other kid doing it and you go, I reckon you can get away with she's not actually doing the eyes there. No, she just looks like she's peering. Well, none of us clocked it when we looked at it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like peering into the middle distance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like she's trying to roll her eyes back, but my daughter is, yeah, absolutely turning Japanese. Just absolutely going for it. Yeah, yeah. She's committed.

Couldn't go for it harder. She didn't have any idea about what that meant. You know what I mean? Like, sometimes kids might put the middle finger up and you go, do you know what that means?

Like, I don't know. Well, they hear a swear word without the context. I'm very sure she had no idea. No, no. I'm pretty positive about five. Isn't that funny though when you've got to almost,

because the saddest thing is you then have to explain racism to a child. It's like, you know, when there's no intention behind it, you're like, I inadvertently through this lesson have to teach you that this exists. Yes. And be like, oh, your pure heart has now been broken with this information.

That's a lovely sentiment. But what I said was, don't do that again or no toys. So there's no deep learning about it. Let's just not do it. You really read in that situation you grew up in the country. Yeah. We having a conversation about this? Absolutely not. Stop it. Let's just not do it. You really read in that situation you grew up in the country. Yeah. We having a conversation about this? Absolutely not.

Stop it. But also, I think the reason we know that she didn't intend it that way is because if she did, that would mean that Carl is outing his own daughter as a racist on a very popular podcast. Yes.

Or at least intimating her. He's clearly not doing that. Somehow I've taught her to do it in some way. But I mean, this is the smart thing about bringing it up at the point of the podcast that you have. Or at least intimating her. He's clearly not doing that. Somehow I've taught her to do it in some way. But I mean, this is the smart thing about bringing it up at the point of the podcast that you have. No one's listening anymore after all the bleeding anus talk. Yeah, right, right. You know, we've really...

You feel this is an Easter egg now. This is hard to find. Maybe she's gone, God, maybe this is a very simple five-year-old way of thinking and gone, oh God, Dad's always going to Thailand. Maybe he'll love me more if I do this. Could be. Maybe this will make him stay home.

Could be. Oh God. It's a cry for help. He laughed and that makes the most sense. Saddest telemovie ever. So have you gone in for the meeting The follow up meeting yet

Yeah I went in there It was like unrelated I'm like thank fuck for that Oh right Yeah Just all the other instances Of bad parenting And the meeting ends

With you going Well this is great Because I thought it was about And they've gone What did you think it was about No I thought it was about Something

What did you The photo What photo Yeah yeah yeah Oh my god We sent that out to everybody Yes exactly No I got wind of it Once I went in there And it was like It was actually like a ceremony Did you get the photo? What photo? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, we sent that out to everybody? Yes, exactly. No, I got wind of it once I went in there,

and it was actually like a ceremony with all the school. I'm like, surely they're not going to add her like this in front of the whole school. Giant scream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's up there to get a certificate. I'm like, surely she's not getting Best Racist of the Year. And what are some of the other books?

Like, what's the pink girl who is doing it? That's a good question. Is that just the Pink Panther? I don't think that's a book, is it? Yeah, I don't know what it is. Just pamphlets, aren't they? Just posters. These kids come as a Domino's pizza.

Yeah. Thank you, Tony. When I am outed for this, when me and my daughter are cancelled for this, when they say, I can't believe your daughter's so racist, I'll say, where's the book on the chick and the pig? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't even bring a book. Smart.

Go down swinging. Say what you want. Are any kids coming as really pretentious literary reference? No. No one's coming as Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment? No, no. Just one kid going really obscure. No one from War and Peace in here, unfortunately.

No, it's very Hawthorne in here. No, there's no one. Hang on, is that another? Yeah, that's an interesting question. Oh my God, it's everywhere. It's an interesting question. Oh my God. It's spreading.

It's a true Patriots front down there at primary school. Yeah, they're recruiting young. There's Eureka flags everywhere. Why did Book Week get cancelled? Well, because someone brought in Mein Kampf. It's a book. It's a book. It's not a movie like all these other fucking kids.

Oh, no, it's the Mein Kampf colouring book. Even worse. It came to me with my Mein Kampf toothbrush. And there's no black pencil. I thought it was Charlie Chaplin. I read it badly. My bad. Hey, just quickly before we get out of here, Tony,

I watched St Elmo's Fire last night. Oh, yes. And I noticed this little name come up in the credits. Can you just read that name to us there on the right? Carl Kurlander? Yeah. Hang on a second. That could be where you have to go into hiding

because your daughter gets kicked out of school. Look at that. Oh, yes, it is like a phonetic pronunciation. Curlander. Carl with a C, Curlander. Yeah, it's spelled C-A-R-L and then K-U. K-U-R-L-A-N-D-E-R. And what was Carl Curlander's role in the film?

He co-wrote St. Elmo's Fire Oh he was co-writer He wasn't the bloke Playing the You put it on the Iron Man Who is the band What's Rob Lowe's band Called

Remember he has He plays a saxophone It couldn't be more 80s Yeah yeah yeah If they can bring If they can bring back Mad Magazine to parody me

That can be my name No but they're parodying The writer of St. Elmo's Fire And so they call him Carl Chandler. Oh, okay. Yes, that's a better point. You're right.

You're way better. Yeah, yeah. All right. We'd better leave it there for another installment of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Dave Thornton, Tony Martin, thank you so much for joining us. Thanks for having us. Thanks for being here. Thornton, things you'd like to plug?

I've got a couple of encore shows coming up of my solo show, Nothing's Impossible. It's still going around. So get on Dave underscore Thorne on the socials What cities? Our favourite

metropolis of Adelaide Oh yeah Yeah hopefully I'll be looking around for the spies during that show Carl Yes Seeing how it goes

Yeah Send him in the hospitals Carl Curlander? Send him in the hospitals to try and get the medical records Yeah Oh that's a good

Eight months ago Yes Is that my job Is it? Going into ED That's your job Carl try and get the medical records. Oh, that's a good... Eight months ago. Yes. Is that my job? Is it? Going into ED? It's your job. Carl already has all your medical records, by the way. Yeah, exactly.

So that's all on. And then I wonder if I can talk about it, but there's a show coming up that I'll be hosting on Channel 7 coming up later in the year. Cool. The Big Trip, I'm assuming. It's opening. Makes it to the air.

Travel show? Yeah, reality TV show kind of thing. Not an LSD experiment. Yeah. Actually, no, that was just a camp I went on. Yeah. So, yeah, so they're happening. You, Ty?

Well, I can mention three other podcasts, Sizzletown, From the Hideout, and Team Effort, both all three. Yeah, From the Hideout is the one I do with Pete Smith and Joe Vincaro from Lessons with Lewis. It's still on somehow. Still on. The idea for the podcast is I have two friends, one of whom is 25 years older than me, one is 25 years younger. And that is enough for it to be a podcast.

Okay. Absolutely. Great. And, yeah, Sizzlet enough for it to be a podcast. Okay. Absolutely. Great. And, yeah, Sizzletown, of course, going strong. Yes, in year seven. And, yeah, still all the early episodes. You know, I went on Will Anderson's podcast recently, and he said that he's worried.

He's starting to get worried about early episodes because he's been doing it for so long. What kind of bombs could be hidden in there that could blow up in his face. And it got me thinking, what were we talking about in a year? I mean, there was none of this kind of face pulling. No, we're actually getting worse. We really are getting worse, yeah. Do you ever go, what did we say back in 2011?

Oh, we're the opposite. We were very nice and didn't say anything. Oh, right. We've had several guests come on and haven't been on the show in a year and then come on and go oh this is what this show's like now yeah not for me really no i do remember because remember when you were uh in the off broadway triple m channel and i remember coming on and i think yeah a c-bomb was dropped and you're like whoa whoa hey come on like you know we've got to be yeah kind of uh commercial radio friendly yeah we thought

early on it might lead to other work and then that became clear that that wouldn't happen and so we went, let's make definitely sure it never happens. Do you remember when cancel culture just took off and went rampant? I think there were a lot of comedians who'd been on this podcast that thought, oh, this could, this would be my undoing. And then we realised for some reason it's impervious. Like it's just hiding in plain sight.

Everyone could go, what about that? And I go, oh, it's like Donald Trump. You know how he's made so many mistakes you don't know where to start? Yeah, yeah. It's time to get out of here now. Because there are so many. How do you compare this to Donald Trump? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking hell. We said mind comfort before about Chandler's five-year-old daughter, and that was fine. That's real life. That's not our creative output. That is the problem with this show. There are so many episodes for people to sift through, to find. Yeah, that's true. There's new listeners all the time.

There was a guy the other day that was like, I've just started and I'm listening to... He goes, I've just started and I love the show and I'm going through from the start and I'm stuck in 2018 at the moment or something and I'm like, you know, spoilers of what's going to come ahead, you know, COVID, you know, stuff like that, whatever. And he goes, I'm listening to 30 episodes a day.

I'm like, the show goes for an hour. Oh, my God. How can you listen to 30 episodes a day? They're doing it on one and a half speed. Yeah, yeah. Some people do that, which is even more horrifying. Whilst not sleeping. Fuck, awesome.

I have that with Get This, which was 2006-7. So people are listening to those podcasts, and I'll go, where are you up to? And they'll go, oh, Galen's just been voted out of the Big Brother house. And then I have to go and Google that to see what that actually was. You guys have just discovered Nick Kershaw. Isn't that incredible? Yeah.

I remember doing gigs in South Africa, and they were watching the Australian MasterChef, and it was like 10 seasons ago. And it was so weird because everyone was like, shh, don't tell us. You're like, the internet exists. Oh, yeah. They're all just hanging off this every episode. But isn't it amazing how many names, like you haven't heard them for 10 years

and suddenly you hear the name Corey Worthington. Yeah. And it's like a syringe of nostalgia. You go, yeah, I remember that guy. That's what normal people do with the name Greg Fleet. I know we're waffling, but Tony, I only say this because I think you'd be interested in it. I was next to Corey Worthington when he had that interview. Oh, really?

What? I was doing warm-up in Channel 9 and then we went on the break. If memory serves, it was like Monster House or something like that. Monster House. Oh, my God. And I remember I'd warmed up my dinner in the microwave. We were sitting outside and the cameraman goes, mate, can you just move?

We're about to do an interview. And I was like, oh, yeah, fine. I'll just sit wherever. I remember looking up and thinking, that guy looks like an absolute spanner. And then I just sat down and ate. Coloured glasses. Yeah, the shock of blonde hair

just under that really bad baseball cap. And he was sitting there. And I remembered, because obviously I didn't know it was a current affair nor what they were asking him about. But I just remember him answering in his dismissive way and thinking, what is this kid about? And it's like, it was the first internet sensation of Australia. And cut to us now talking about it in 2024.

Yeah. So, yeah, I was right. I could have stopped it if I'd tackled him. Very quickly, one more thing, plug for you. If we have any Korean listeners, go and see Dave Thornton performing stand-up very soon. I'll be... When does this go out? This week? Tomorrow.

Tomorrow. So yeah, Busan. Down at the Busan Comedy Festival. And then I'll be in Seoul for a couple of nights. We'll say hello to a lot of people out there that look a little bit like my daughter. I've been saying it, bussing all this time. I feel like such a fucking idiot. You guys could be more culturally insensitive.

Tommy Dasselheim blanket and really burn some bridges over there. Jeez, maybe I'll win myself over to the northern side. I'll head over there. I'll be the new Dennis Rodman. I'll be sitting with Kim Jong-un. Yeah, my mates back home hate those guys. All right, let's not make it too easy for the people who want to cancel us.

There should be a little bit of work for them. All right, thanks everyone for listening and we'll see you next time. See you next. And they've done it again. Bernie, et cetera. Hey, we are up against the clock here because like you had a premonition of, Tony then hung around for maybe an hour. Yep.

And we've talked about everything. And we've had a great time. Yes, it's been excellent. Sorry you couldn't hear any of it. But a lot of, if you thought we were bitchy and talking about inside baseball before, whoa, whoo baby, you should have been here for that. You've got to go pick up your kid. I've got to go home to cleaning up a house for a house inspection,

which I believe has been happening by my fiancé without me there. And it really is just going to look like I drove around the block a few times. Like, oh, has it all been done? Oh, I got held up. I'm so sorry. I reckon we've got 15 minutes for this thing. Really? Yeah, honestly, because it all been done? Oh, I got held up. I'm so sorry. I reckon we've got 15 minutes for this thing. Really? Yeah, honestly, because it's up us.

I've got to go pick up the... I already had to put my kid into after-school care to do this. And now we're going to get to the point where after-school is done. Should we just do no names? Oh, if you want. We can do names, but we can... I don't know. All right, we can do no names.

I mean, what's more annoying to people us ripping through them yep and people not feeling like they got the full you know alright

our hearts aren't in it alright alright or to just like you know shelve it for a while okay we'll shelve it we'll do 15 minutes of funny buggery

oh well my whole point was going to be we just fucking get out of here now but sure oh okay we can debrief that episode. Yeah, it's fine.

What else? Greg Fleet and my – yeah, well, let's see. By the time we go over there – Are there any names on there that you think are particularly good for just like one 15-minute – No. No, there's not. You know, I better get over there.

My child – you know, there might be some sort of other sort of racial, you know, abuse that she could be performing out there and after school yeah i like that you went i've got 15 minutes until they close and i'm like why don't we just not do the names and you're like all right let's just do 15 minutes of other stuff yeah let's still go right up until the last possible i'm always like we can do everything i'm sure they can do everything it will cause me a measurable stress but we can fit everything we can fit everything in we do 15 minutes here, I can still run over there. In fact, you can drop me over there. That's even better.

Is it on the way? Depends which way you go. I go to my house. Well, it depends which way you drive, but yes, it is on the idea. All right, all right. So we've got a whole 20 minutes now. Wow. Yeah, okay.

Awesome. Yeah. Is this her first time ever in after-school care? No, no, no. She usually goes once a week, but she was... Does she like it? Yeah, she likes it. Yeah.

Well, put yourself back in this scenario. What would you prefer? To come back here and to watch ABC Kids while Daddy sits on the couch and does work, and she goes, what can we do now daddy and me say i don't know watch more tv while i get this work done or sitting in after-school care with all of your friends eating snacks and running around and playing games uh i remember any time i had to be in after-school care fucking hating it really yeah more school get me the fuck out of here maybe prep is different i don't really remember doing it when I was that young. I remember doing it when I was like maybe grade three.

Well, we didn't have it, so I wouldn't know what it is. But from what I see, when I pick her up, it's just do what you want for fucking two hours after school. It's not more school. It's not homework. It's their friends just running around and eating and playing. I do remember it being a bit Scarlet Letter of getting to the end of the day and your friends that are like,

maybe they're going off to do something after school. They're being picked up. They're getting to go do something fun. And you're just standing there at the gates being like, I'm trapped at school for another two hours. I want to go home and have fun at home. I think it depends because I think there's days where she has a bunch of friends that go to after school,

whatever it's called, and then she's like, oh, that would have been fucking great. Well, yeah, it's luck of the draw. I do have memories of like you're always stuck there with the kind of weird kids. Right. And you're like, fucking get me out of here. No, she's got some good mates that do it.

So I think she'd be pretty happy. Probably a lot more common these days too, I would say. Yeah, yeah put it this way i think she'd be having way more fun doing that than sitting here and listening to tony martin talk about greg fleet oh well i mean that's undebatable but i can't put myself in those shoes because that scenario just didn't exist in any way when i was in prep yeah well i mean tony martin i mean sorry, I guess Greg Fleet was doing comedy at the time that I was in prep. Yeah. 90, maybe? 91?

Yeah, maybe. He would have been doing comedy at that point. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I think so. Yeah, if I was in after school care and I got the option... I mean, it would have to be when I was 16. 16?

I think I was 16 watching The Late Show with Tony Martin. If I was in after-school care at age 16 and I got the option of doing that or listening to Tony Martin, I would have taken Tony Martin. Yeah, what's the cut-off point? They're like, you know, hey, look, if you don't trust your kid to be at home by themselves for a little bit at 16, you've got a fucking bigger problem. Like, we're out. We've done all we can do i'd love to know the age where my parents you know it was a different world as they say but i reckon i was pretty young when my mum and dad started letting me just stay home uh by myself like go home from school and then they would come home from where they worked yep and i would i remember very distinctly remember

going fuck maybe i'm a bit young to be doing this yeah i'm sitting there watching tv like now like this is so it's like half past five now yep the sun's starting to set yep um and you know things are starting to dark and the the blinds are up i remember sitting there watching tv and gradually getting darker and then getting to a point where i'm like, oh, that's gotten too dark now. And now I'm too scared to get up and turn on the light. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow.

And now I'm just sitting here watching TV in the dark with a rug over me going, gee, I hope mum and dad come home soon. Yeah, yeah. We talked about this recently about, was it some kids at your daughter's school that you can't believe are allowed to like walk to school? Yes. And we were just talking about how, yeah, like generations generations ago that would have been the most normal thing in the world yeah and how like parenting used to be such a low stakes yeah no wonder people had six kids because it's like this really isn't going to impact my life all that much yeah i'll still

just go to work and do what i want they can walk to school they can get themselves home they can just kind of self-regulate. There's not a thing now where everyone's stressed about every second of their young child's life. I thought it was funny. It would have been last summer at the beach. I went down to – my mother and father have a beach house. And we went down there and playing down on the actual beach and my old man was playing with blanket and it's just funny i remember my mum saying

like looking over and seeing it then playing and going oh look at that playing playing with his granddaughter would have been nice if he had ever fucking did that with his actual kids but yeah yeah yeah just like just that thing of like parenting nowadays and, you know, completely different. Everything's done this way back then. It's like everyone can sort themselves out. It's all fine. Interestingly, I have had that same thought about the concept of me having a kid

and what my – I reckon my parents would be great grandparents and my parents were great parents but my dad was often just off in his shed doing whatever. Yeah. Like not – like, yeah, not active in the, me being like, hey, Dad, why don't we? And, like, Dad was a bit older when he had me too, so there was not a lot of, not a lot of active running around

in the yard time that I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, still very present and very, like, would read to me and, like, there when I needed things. Yeah. But home from work, dinner, and then I'm just in the shed working on a fucking car for the rest of the night. That'll do me.

Just checked out the podcasting of its day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm putting my kid at after school care because I need to work on my old car that I'm building. Yeah, yeah. A bit of that. Tony Martin's coming around to watch me build my old car. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah no i

think things are things that expectations are a lot different now than they were back then i think um but you know no complaints is all fine but i can't imagine yeah myself with a kid and watching dad just be really active and fucking getting in there and being like you fucking son of a bitch yeah do you know how many therapy sessions I would have been saved if you had fucking done a bit more of this? Yeah. Dirty something years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting.

It's like, you know, they sort of realise the folly of their ways a little bit later. But it's like, whatever. They're all so busy. Now they're not busy. That being said, he more or less did stop working when I had cancer. So you've got to give him points for that one. It was pretty involved then. Yeah.

But then it's like, well, I'm in – go to work. I'm fucking in bed asleep. Yeah. I'm anemic. Yeah. I can't do anything. Yeah. I'm on death's door.

I'm not going to notice if you're in here or not. I'm morphined up to the gills. Yeah. I used to have – I was really into fucking soccer, really into playing soccer back then. And they wouldn't, they were sort of like, oh, yeah, it's fine for you to be into that. We're not going to come and watch or anything.

And I was like, oh, that's a shame, but like not a big deal. I was just sort of like, oh, I thought, you know, other kids' parents come and watch them, but you're not going to, okay, all right, I guess that's just how it works. But then I was like, then other parents' kids would like come and watch them but you're not going to okay alright I guess that's just how it works but then I was like then other parents kids would like come and watch and just fucking

yell at their kids or yell at me and then go yeah well maybe my mum and dad's fine being home like I don't need any more of this

you gotta take the good with the bad yeah I don't need I've got enough fucking parents yelling at me I don't need my own

parents yelling at me yeah yeah yeah and when they would come they wouldn't be yelling they would just wait until after I finished to sort of go, why did you do that? Almost worse than the yelling. At least the yelling, your peers on the field kind of witness that

and go, man, that sucks that they're so harsh on you. But if it happens in private in the car on the way home. Yeah said that if i if i recounted whatever was said to me which wasn't harsh which was just like uh you did this wrong i'd be like you're completely right yep i yep i was wrong i should have felt that way at the time though no because i was fucking i had a child's brain well yeah exactly yeah oh you're saying now if you look back on it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah if i was trying to go no one was yelling at me no one was like saying fuck you should fucking do this it was just more like well you didn't because well this is what i would do i'd love i love playing soccer but i was i was doing all the easy work yeah so then it was like well why don't you do that it was it was no more than what my teammates

were saying to me yeah yeah can you please fucking run more and do more of the fucking work well that's all like that's all feedback that's like reviews and stuff for comedy as well where were saying to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you please fucking run more and do more of the fucking work so we don't have to do it? Like, that's all feedback. That's like reviews and stuff for comedy as well where you like, you get panned in a show and you're like,

this fucking cunt, especially if you're like, the show's been going well. You're like, what is this fucking cunt talking about? Yeah. And then you look back on that review and you look back on like,

your memories of the work you were doing and you're like, that was spot on. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. That was terrible stuff. Absolutely. But you have to believe it at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah you have to believe that you're doing a good job otherwise you're like

fucking jump off a balcony yeah absolutely yeah so anyway um where do we go from that well is it time to go pick up blanket is it yeah it is pretty much yeah um this has been you don't want to be indiana jones like sliding under the door to get it you want to get there with like just enough time man you know what? Too much of my life is fucking Indiana Jones sliding under the door. I've built too much of my life. If I do all this sort of stuff, I've still got one minute until I can do this. It's like why am I putting myself under that fucking pressure?

I left my home to get here with, I thought, more than enough time. And then I came down Bridge Road. Road was closed. Detour. Had to go around the long way and I was so filthy. I wasn't late but I looked like I was maybe going to be late or bang on time and I was like, this is so frustrating when I deliberately – I went out of my way to avoid this scenario. I went out of my way to be early and I got fucked over by roadworks.

I was very surprised in the order of which everyone got here today because Tony Martin, I would have thought, is the sort of guy who gets here half an hour early. He was here 15 minutes late. I had to check my fucking calendar to make sure. I had a very nervous moment where I'd gone, I've booked this for the wrong week. The ring on the doorbell was was first doorbell was not you

it was Dave Thornton yes that surprised me when I walked in yes so if we had had a game show happening where who arrives in which order I would have got it completely fucking wrong today now

okay we got to wrap this up but that is a great game show yeah you're in the studio you've invited four guests over who gets what order you're sitting there guessing what order the guests are going to arrive in.

Yeah. And then we just sit and watch you in an empty room. Yeah. It's sort of like a thank God you're here, but there's no – the challenge is just them getting to the studio. Well, also, it was against my better wishes, but something in me told me not to greet you. Like the doorbell rang, and usually I'm expecting you to be there first.

And I'm like, well, maybe Tony because he's so, you know, on it. Yeah. So I won't be horribly offensive through the intercom here. And I'm glad I wasn't. Yeah, it really caught me off guard. The voice that came through was not yours. Yeah. Dave would have been cool with it though, but not to throw him under the bus.

All right. Thanks. Thanks, Can't Be Fucked Comedy. Live show in November in Per in perth and uh patreon we'll get around to all of you guys next week um we got we just recorded some rippers with tony yeah martin just then so they'll be coming down the pipeline in the next week yep uh including uh we talk about the logies and i pitch some jokes that didn't get up to the logies uh to tommy and tony um in case you're up for that a lot of people a lot of you guys seem to be very interested some jokes that didn't get up to the Logies to Tommy and Tony.

In case you're up for that, a lot of people, a lot of you guys seem to be very interested in that last week. So yeah, get onto that. Get onto that. LittleDumbDumbClub.com. See you next time. Bye.