The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 725 - Mike Goldstein & Ben Knight

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

This week we're joined by MIKE GOLDSTEIN and BEN KNIGHT! Mike and Ben are incredibly dusty after being at Mike's bucks the night before (must be nice) we also finally get around to talking to Knighty about his role alongside Ryan Gosling in the movie The Fall Guy, including him and Mike attending the Hollywood premiere (must be nice)! Don't worry about us though, we've got heaps going on: Karl's video of Michelle Monaghan is going viral and Tommy's being scammed by someone else from The White Lotus! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Mike Goldstein and Ben Knight. We have our show in Perth, November the 23rd. Tickets are at littledumbdumbclub.com. While you're there, why don't you get onto the Little Dumb Dumb Club Patreon? You can support the show, get two bonus mini episodes every week. Keep the lights on here. We'll talk to you more at the end of the episode and talking dumb dumb. But until then, enjoy this new episode with Mike Goldstein and Ben Knight. Virtue and...

Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dum-Dum Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dassler and with me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. And joining us today, two very, very sprightly young men. Please welcome back into the little Dumb Dumb Club,

Mike Goldstein and Ben Knight. Yes. Yes. We did it. We're here. What a remarkable piece of booking to get these two guys. Yeah. Just as they're finished vomiting into the shower.

Oh, yeah. Real barfing into the drain and fucking mushing it down with my foot. And then I was like, what do I have to do today? Oh, dumb, dumb. So the audio equivalent of barfing into the drain and mushing it down. So, Mike, it was your surprise bucks yesterday. Surprise bucks. I had no idea.

Yeah. So I hit you up last week to say, hey, you want to do a pod maybe Monday or Tuesday? And you were like, oh, yeah, either one's good. Yeah. week to say hey you want to do a pod maybe monday or tuesday you were like oh yeah either one's good yeah and then uh i spoke to you nighty yes and said hey what about monday and you were like sounds great now were you one of the people organizing the bucks no i wasn't but you knew it was happening you could have you could have pushed this hey man heads up i know mike's gonna have his bucks the day before Alright you fucking spanner Now let me talk

You fucking chirpy chirp chirp Wouldn't it be nice if you told me Hey, also, Mike Goldstein's on You just said, hey man, can you do a Tuesday And I said, yeah You said with Goldstein, didn't I? Absolutely not Let's play the tape, dickhead

No, I am, it is all starting to make sense. No, you're right. Okay. No, you're right. You're right. Also, King, around next Tuesday, Arvo. Yeah, yeah, definitely. And then your next message, sick, 11 a.m. Monday.

No, but that Tuesday one, that's from three weeks ago that you didn't reply to. No, I said, yeah, I'm around, mate. Look at this. Yeah, but by the time you replied, it was two weeks after I'd said it. And you're like, sick, 11 a.m. Monday. And I said, this for the podcast? You're like, yeah. Nighty did send me a message that said,

hey, we're doing Dum Dum Monday morning after your surprise box. There we go. That's a smoking gun. You dog. And it's, yeah, it couldn't be worse. I mean, Goldstein, you've had a million beers, and Nighty, you've had two lemonades, and you're pretty rough. Vodka lemonade, you fucking dog. He beers and Nighty, you've had two lemonades and you're pretty rough. Or vodka lemonade,

you fucking thought. He was on the Baroccas all weekend at the comedy club. He was a baseman, you were

drinking Barocca all weekend. You're trying to recover from having too much Barocca by having more Barocca. Dude, I have

Barocca and Hydrolyte, alright? I double drop before every gig. I thought he was drinking Fanta. I come backstage, this big red fuck drinking a pint of Fanta. Sculling a Fanta. Why are you drinking?

You're drinking like Hydrolytes at night. What the fuck were you doing? Fuck, all right, boys. Come on. Were they vodka Hydrolytes? I've retracted I've officially retracted My attack

Thank you Tommy I appreciate it I haven't I've media watched myself I'm not retracting anything You were drinking Like a fucking moron What were you doing

I like to drink something Before I go on stage And I don't like it Just to be water And so I drop a Barocca in there And then I'm like Now that you're

Actually hung over You're not even drinking Barocca now Yeah you've got A sparkling water that's what you drink if you want to have a drink you guys the fucking drink police dude he was fucking crushing up lines of barocca last night no dude i shelved those oh yeah yeah very nice nah it was good you know

so fuck yeah man oh look it's the double it's the double bad thing for me and Tommy it's like we get two hungover

cunts on our podcast in the morning and we don't even get invited to fucking party the night before so it's the double I didn't organise

obviously my own thing so that's on 90 again you say you say you say food attack alright guys how many swipes is he gonna get over the course of the hour i respect the hell out of you for not pulling out mike but not like

my first thought would have been as soon as people yeah as soon as cap it jumps out of the birthday cake naked or whatever it was i'd be straight on the phone being like i'm not doing a fucking podcast tomorrow at 11 a.m no way I only found out we were doing this pod Saturday night when we were at Basement together. Yeah. And you said, doing Dum Dum. And I was like, yeah.

And you're like, what are you doing tomorrow? I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah. I can't tell you. Shit. But yeah, you know, sorry you didn't get the invite, but that's, again. That's fine, man.

I saw the videos. I feel like I wasn't missing a thing. A bunch of dorks playing paddle ball or whatever. I was like, fucking hell. It's pickleball. It's wanker. Dude, sorry. That's how little I care.

I don't even know what the sport's called. That's true, but not in that voice. Is that right? He's like, oh oh you guys are playing sports ball or something I was actually at another

bucks party that day yeah oh dude no I saw some videos this morning where it was like it was a thing of you

what facing the wall and everyone like hazing you like getting the pickleball yeah smacking the pickleballs did you see

I loved it because it was a nice video of like it was a nice cross breed of like comics of people with sporting ability and then normal open mic comedians just like missing the fucking ball with the bat. Like watching Knighty. Yeah, Capper had a hit as well.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about. So they had to stay behind the net so, you know, it wasn't close range. But Capper ran up as close as possible and still missed. And still missed. I saw that. There's people like you, Knighty,

that are just guns just sniping from 100 yards away and getting his scrotum from there, and then Capper running up and just throwing himself at the wall and not really getting the point of what's going on. And I heard him clomping up too, just lurching up with his hunchback i didn't even i was like i didn't know you could be open mic at sports as well but apparently this man looks completely fucked and it's not even his box

those tennis balls hit him pretty hard in the head oh wait no he's participating but i was dressed dressed in a they bought me a Captain Willie outfit. Willie Man. Willie Man. It's like a superhero outfit where there's a giant dong. Well, Paul organized all of it. Paul fucking rules, by the way. Who's Paul for context of anyone that, you know, this is going out to other people.

Paul is Mike's gay lover in Sydney. Yeah. Yeah. Known him forever. Fridgey. You might have met him before. Fridgey. That was his radio

name when he was on nova oh no yeah paul hancock no he'd done gigs here i don't know years ago but yeah he brought the giant dong outfit and i'm out there playing pickleball with his giant dick fucking flailing around and there was there was kids there when we showed up they left pretty quick what was the um so you didn't know this was happening. What was the ruse? What were you turning up to? The ruse was Shannon told me that. Your fiance.

My fiance told me that two of her friends, a lesbian couple, you know, mutt puffs as I believe you call them. Does this have anything to do with the story? Don't just wedge your gala material in. Does this fact play a part in the story at all? No. But that they could... Take this side quest, I would say.

Muttpuff. That they could come to the wedding, so they wanted to take us out for lunch and then do an activity that we would enjoy so that we were meeting them at this pickleball place okay and then we're gonna play for an hour there and she's like you need to change your clothes because we're going out for a nice lunch just put on this willy man yeah the lesbians will love this cool and are you are you friendly enough with these people that you were like pumped for this out you know what i mean i love it when people get the rules it's like something they don't really want to be doing and they're like you know someone turning up mentally being

like no fuck this i was like chin i was like you. I don't want to. This will ruin my Sunday. Yeah, yeah. Your friends don't even like me. I need to be well-rested for the little dum-dum club tomorrow morning. Yeah, that is a funny way to get you to go. I'll think of the worst possible thing that you don't want to go to to get you to come along. 100%. And I was like, I'll just drop you off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'll come get you later or something. She was like, no, you have to come in. And I was like, oh, fuck, all right. The five-minute come in. Okay, all right. But then we walk into the place, the Jars, the name of the pickleball place.

Pickle Jar, you get it. It's fun, good shit. I'm coming around to it. It's funny, you like comedy. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And that's how we get comedy.

And one of the guys that works there, they're all hiding behind the corner for the party. And then one of the guys that works there, they're all hiding behind the corner for the party. And then one of the guys that works there, I walk in, and he's like, hey, Mike, are you here for the Bucs? And I go, what? And I go, ah, no, no, no, I'm here with Shannon. We're meeting some of her friends. And he was like, oh, you're not here for the Bucs party?

And I'm like, no. What? This guy's a genius. Dude. And then, yeah this and then yeah and then ash williams like finally someone for fucking capitol look down on this place if it was behind the curtain yeah yeah ever keep saying he looks like that guy he's like oh yeah we're identical and this is like just this young cute dude Fuck that rules. Must be nice to see that. Yeah, we're the same. It's like a mirror, dude.

Yeah, and then it, yeah, it spiraled from there. But then it's weird. I'm wearing this outfit and then it gets competitive straight away. I played pickleball. Because you walk in. Yeah. Don't say it again. Mike made it competitive.

Yeah, yeah. Dewey actually said, like, this is going to be a fun little pickleball hit. How long before Mike just gathers all the best pickle people onto another court and just starts going hard? Yeah. That's exactly what happened. Immediately. Yeah. And I'm trying to, you know, play properly, but I keep fucking hitting my dick with the paddle.

I almost tripped. You hit the costume a few times as well hey yeah that's comedy yeah and then

went to I don't know some brewery after that and then a steakhouse for dinner and then

the strip club oh really yeah okay nice okay which one did we go to

the moot poofs met up with you for that bit yeah dude I paid for the moot poof show did any dick poofs Nice. Okay. Which one did we go to? The Mood Poofs met up with you for that bit? Yeah, dude. I paid for the Mood Poof show. Did any dick poofs turn up after that or anything like that as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a few dick poofs around.

All right, we've got to draw a line under this bit. Early on, I can see us getting more and more carried away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They prefer butt poof. So which gentleman's club? Obviously Queen Street. What was the one across from... Goldfingers or...

No, no, no. Centrifold. Centrifold Lounge. Which one's that? Yeah, the one across from the steakhouse. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Did it turn into the time that we went to a strip club for a Bucks night? Danny McGinley's Bucks night, we went to a strip uh strip club for a buck's night danny

mcginley's bucks night we went to a strip club and all the comedians turned up and then just sat up the back and autistically looked in the fucking ceiling no i think cap is bucks as well oh yeah yeah that happened there but no this one was because they're all over you when you get there like trying to get you to pay for a lap dance or a private show and all this. And I kept going, all right, I'll do a lap dance, but you have to give me my money back if you come. And they were like, what? And I was like, yeah.

The best bit of that was Mike said it, and then he looked at me and he went, is that a bit? Someone should run a gig here. I was like, yeah, dude, that's a bit? Someone should run a gig here. I was like, yeah, dude, that's a bit. That's good. But she was so confused. She was like, no one has ever said that before. I would love if, like, in 10 years' time,

you have to give the money back if You Come has become the new, like, I can take you away from all this. It becomes the new strip club catchphrase. You forgot the best bit though. You said, I have to bend over and you have to rate my butthole. Oh yeah. I said,

because she kept giving the hard sell and I was like, all right, only if I can show you my butthole at the end and you tell me how cute it is. I'm going to give it a one to ten rating.

So it's our sign out the front of Goldfinger's now banned for life. Mr. Willie, Captain Willie. Captain Willie. Yeah, exactly. But, like, one of them was, like, loving it. She was laughing her ass off. But the other one was like, oh, just, like, we were wasting her time, basically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They must, like, you know, obviously, Buck's coming into a strip club. Yeah. Big part of the clientele. Yeah. But also, you know, high alert, like, high strip club. Yeah. Part of the, big, big part of the clientele. Yeah. But also, you know, high alert,

like high risk group. Yeah. And surely if they can clock comedians on top of that, it's like, oh fuck. Not only is it a bucks, but they're all going to try and be funny. Yeah.

They're not going to have any money. Yeah. Not have any money. They're not, they're too, yeah, staring at the ceiling. And that,

but that's at, that best case scenario, they're staring at the ceiling but that's at best case scenario they're staring at the ceiling they're going to try and do gear at us talk about us on a podcast the next day yeah, Nighty's trying to embarrass me in front of him, he's like oh you know him he's on Channel 9's The 100 with Andy Lee

and then I was like immediately I'm like you know him, he was in The Fall Guy with Ryan Gosling and she was like oh I just watched that and she was like you were in it? but that's like, imagine talking to strippers what are you more likely to watch a big fucking ryan gosling movie of course or a fucking panel show with andy yeah but that's yeah that is a that's a crazy play from you like yeah trying to embarrass this guy being like hey you know that show on channel nine no yeah oh you're in a ryan gos hey, you know that show on Channel 9? No. Oh, you're in a Ryan Gosling movie. You know that show on Channel 9 that plays on TV right at the time you work?

No. No, I don't. It's a bit early, mate. Everyone knows you watch The 100, then you go to the strip. You get horny watching Mike J. Parn Road is just clogged up with people driving from their homes to centrefolds. I didn't think I was

teasing you though. Oh, no. I mean, no, it was fine but it was just flipped immediately back on. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Uno reversed me. Yeah.

Real good. I mean, we did the Basement Comedy Club and when I introduced Nighty as going all the way from Hollywood and I could see the look on your face.

No context. See, I like it because usually it's like these days it's like and we should talk about this but you know, going all the way from hollywood yeah and i can see the look on your face no context yeah i like it because usually it's like these days it's like and we should talk about this but you know you're on the fall guy that movie it's like oh you might have seen on that movie but you just go from hollywood it's like who's this cunt gonna be tom cruise well it's like when you bring me up you're like uh from the hundred with andy lee and you've said a way more famous guy's name and then I fucking have to walk up and I'm like, it's not Andy Lee, everybody. It's the other one.

It's the other one. Yeah, yeah. You come up, it's not Andy Lee and the crowd go, yay. It's like going, guys,

give it up for Carl Barron's acquaintance. You finally get to feel like Andy Lee does when he's grouped with Hamish. I'm Andy Lee's Andy Lee. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, that's true. So, yeah, Nighty, you are in The Fall Guide.

I think the movie was just about to come out last time we had you on and we didn't talk about it. Oh, was we? We didn't talk about it at all. We talked about Edemas for 45 minutes instead of the fall. Oh, we did too. I've still got more on Edemas if you want to talk about it. Yeah, you said we're going to talk about the fall guy.

Did we not talk about it? No. All right, mate. If we could not get to it on this episode too, that'd be great. Still trying to get you to talk about the first one by the time the sequel comes out. Yeah. I want to hear about these enemas. Oh, I've got hippie.

Here we go. Just to recap, hippie girlfriend back on the Sunshine Coast that I came to Melbourne with. She's like, I'm going to go get a coffee enema. Right. She goes, it's really good for you. And she was super hot. And I just was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. And then we did it.

And it's the worst thing. Her asshole was up all night. Yeah. But she was, I think I spoke about this on the last one. She was like, she was just this on the last one she was like she was just super super hot she was like

married at first went on married at first sight when we broke up that's right yeah yeah that sort of thing I think did you say that on the show

or maybe afterwards I can't remember I don't know anyway if you're listening what about the Barocca enema something oh yeah

that one that would be cute that one takes years of practice don't give your arsehole back it's BBB bounce Oh, yeah. That one. That would be cute. That one takes years of practice. Don't give your asshole back its BBB bounce. So you're in the fall, guy. You're like the most, like, this is the weird thing. This is really weird about you.

So especially for people in comedy or showbiz, usually if, you know, you get an audition for fucking something, people are like, fucking check out what what i just got you take off and we don't really see you for like months and months and months and it's like oh yeah you're like oh i'm not filming this little thing or something like that and then all of a sudden we see you fighting ryan gosling on the sydney harbour bridge and we're like what the fuck is happening here yeah so you're the main baddie right aren't you the you know yeah yeah yeah you're the guy that fights Ryan Gosling in the movie The Fall Guy, which was number one in the US. Yeah.

Huge movie. He's not prominent enough in it for a stripper to remember that she saw it. Still, you are. You're in the trailer a lot. I have long hair then. He's prominent enough to get invited to the Bucks night. That's something. That's true.

That's something. So you're the bad guy. You fight Ron Gosling for fucking ages. It's the number one movie in America. This is massive. This is massive. Yeah, it was sick. I don't know.

But I don't... Okay, the reason you don't say anything, well, this is why I don't say anything, is because you never know how they're going to edit the movie. Yeah, you're right. And so if you... Which it happens to so many actors where they're like, I'm in this, I did this.

And then they go to, because the only time you see it, unless you're one of the main actors, is when you rock up to watch the premiere. And there's horror stories of like, there's a movie called After Earth with, you know, Will Smith and his son. You know Will Smith, Tommy? Yeah, I've heard of him.

Yeah, right. There was meant to be one other off-sider. It was an Australian actor. And they filmed the whole film with him. And then he went to the premiere and they've just cut his whole character. Yeah, right. He was on the red carpet like this. Still sending him the invite to the premiere without the PS of like,

hey, come, please, we'd love to have you there. You're part of the family. Just so you know. So you just don't, I just don't say anything because you never know how much you're going to be in it and go,

man, I'm in this movie and then it's like, there you go. Because even when the trailer drops, so you're in the trailer heaps but then you wouldn't know until. Once the trailer,

second trailer came out and I was in it heaps, heap of people messaged me and I was like, oh, fuck, I might be in it a lot. Yeah.

That's funny, if that's your mindset mid-movie where you're like, I've got to be in the final cut. I'll start making out with Ryan Gosling. I can't cut that out. I'll be the main love interest. I'll write myself into it.

I'll start sucking him off mid-movie. They'll keep that, right? I don't know if they'd write you out. They'd probably fire you. You'd be arrested for sexually assaulting Ryan Gosling. Whatever. I mean, we're pretty close. Yeah. Yeah, so, I mean, we're pretty close. Yeah.

So, I mean, what do you want to know? It was the best. It was the best. It's the dumbest boy shit ever, just playing with guns and Stunties rule. So you're like a big, what do you play? So I play Dressler, who's the main bad dude, and I've got a whole heap of goons under me who are like the toughest, coolest Stunties. And I'm like, in between takes, how do you hold this gun? they're like showing me how to be tough yeah and then i go and do it

well because you're a proper thespian you're like showing up on set with a scarf absolutely yeah hold my breath yeah yeah yeah little glasses perched on top of their head you're australians you know in terms of like comedians turning into actors You're like Robin Williams In that you should Kill yourself as well Oh come on mate Jesus Just that's a half joke It's not

It's not really But we went to the Hollywood premiere Oh you flew over Yeah To America That was One of the best times

Of my life I reckon it was so fun That LA trip Yeah It was It was It was real fun. That LA trip. Yeah. It was real because Andy came over, my partner, and Andy's really good friends with Shannon, Mike's partner. Oh, you both had partners called Andy. That's cute. It was.

It was. It was fucking. Mine's harder. I was like, do I say that joke? I was like, someone else said it. No, someone else no no no no no um well played it was uh yeah it was sick it was just so dope it was like just three days like the red carpet thing was fucking mental it was like you rock up they're all like well we had a bit of trouble getting on oh you were losing your mind because you thought you weren't even like i don't

know accepted onto the red carpet or something they didn't have your credentials no we've got you three tickets down at the front of the red carpet so we went down there yeah and then it's crazy they're like get get him up and they're going ben ben ben ben ben and there's like a hundred cameras and i'm like fuck they must have seen the movie already and loved it and then standing off camera is a dude with a whiteboard with Ben Knight written on it. Oh, great. I'm like, fucking move over. You got a caption.

It's good. And then you hear this big wah. And you turn and it's like Gwen Stefani. She walked down the red carpet right in front of us. Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton, I think, is her country singer partner. And then behind us was Momoa. Momoa, yeah. Yeah.

And then Gosling pointed at me and goes, is that Mike G from The 100? We do have to talk about that, though, because you got tagged in between. Yeah. There was some Aussie that was just like, you know, like these fucking dweebs, like, I'll watch the red carpet procession, right?

And so there were some australians that were there obviously just watching this hollywood event and i got tagged in the thing like at comedy mike goldstein yeah and then uh it's like his big moment yeah it's funny though because it's like gwen stefani jason momoa and then i'm walking in front of mike but behind it is just Mike Goldstein. Exactly. And then back to like. But you can see the paparazzi like, oh shit, Gwen Stefani on Momoa. And then like it would like pan to me and Shannon and they'd be like, oh, just cameras down immediately.

Because we're like, who the fuck are these people? What a waste of film on this. There is no film. It is wild though. Because like going in, they're like, whatever. And then coming out They're like Can I get a selfie Oh dude

As soon as the movie was done Like Ben was just Getting flocked to By people Yeah Selfies Yeah they recognise me From the film they just saw

Bottle that moment Take it to the strippers And was it So yeah Watching it in a In a room like for the first time with people like so you hadn't seen any of it nothing i saw 80 out so you uh you go do voice over oh yeah yeah um and so i saw little chunks of it i was like fuck there's some sick bits in

that so pumped for that but you still even when you do that you don't know how much they're going to keep and cut it out and all that sort of stuff um and you're watching how much you're in the film being like i should have asked for more fucking money yeah i mean i mean are you like are you using a clip now you can clip that up put it on youtube and pitch for the comedy festival gala maybe go on and punch the mc or something like that yeah you've done that on a movie yeah fuck man it doesn't translate at all for comedy, does it? But it's good. No, but you've been doing gigs, and I've, like, intro'd you as, oh, the guy from The Fall Guy, and people have gone, oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, there has been, like, a little, yeah. A lot of people saw it. It was a popular film. Man, it was sick. I was stoked, because, like, you never know what's going to happen with a movie. It can tank, or it can just go straight to streaming. Yeah, absolutely. But that's the depressing thing, is because you're in the number one movie,

and you're a main part in it, and then I keep seeing you at my comedy club, which makes me think, this has got you fucking nothing. You're still with me down in the fucking trenches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you in Hollywood doing something off the back of it? Yeah, he went from a fucking Hollywood premiere to being yelled at at Spleen Bar by Carl Chandler two weeks later. I told you to tell them to take the drinks back.

I'm not Ryan Gosling. I don't put up with shit, all right? No, man, I think this is the dangerous bit as well with actors and why actors are so fucking psycho. A lot of, well, not all of them, but you can get sucked into that world where you're saying to me, like, man, you man you gotta go over there you gotta

you gotta ride this wave all that sort of stuff and I'm like yeah I'll go over but I'm not expecting anything I think it's just like the the narcissist

no not narcissist what's the word the nihilistic view of it all right yeah just like whatever comes of it

sick yeah but going like this is my big break this is my big break this is my big break yeah but you're still gonna be there where all the work is like if you've just had a big role in a hollywood movie the good place to be is is hollywood i went over yeah i'm there and i'm going

back and well at the after party we went to this lavish like after party at the it's like five star hollywood hotel and there's just producers like coming up to him like all right what are we doing next and like this is fucking cool to watch yeah and even when you're doing the press on the red carpet you're like oh i don't know what to say to these people like these interviews are weird and i gave him a tip i said tell them if you mix up the letters and the fall guy it's the full gay i was like they will love that dude yeah ben what's next ah well i'm taping a comedy special with nick capper at bodry i'll do you do i'll do an interview with you but if you come you have to pay me

you have to tell me my butthole's cute yeah so when you're on set with uh with gosling chopping chopping it up, at any point were you like, hey, man, I do stand up just so you know? Yeah, we spoke about that. Yeah, cool, cool. So he's such a normal dude. But then every now and then he'll just say stuff where you're like, oh, yeah, you're Ryan Gosling. So in the scene where the bin's spinning and we're bashing each other,

so that takes like about three minutes to shoot that and then they reverse it out for like 10, 15. So we were just strapped in, talking in between about that. Just normal shit. Yeah. He said like, oh man, this reminds me of this space movie I did. The thing spinning reminds me of this space movie I did. And I started laughing.

I said, all right, dickhead, you mean First Man? Yeah. Where you play Neil Armstrong in this this space movie and he started he started giggling which i was like oh good i can go a bit harder i was like you're a fucking space movie yeah you were neil armstrong dude i love that movie that's cool that he's like you probably wouldn't be interested because i'm the biggest space nerd ever i was like dude i fucking love it it's great yeah what's the movie called first man the first man okay the fall guy we've been talking about the space movie because i was i don't know i don't know yeah and he's i don't

know so we were talking about like our dogs basically like in between i didn't want to chop up industry shit like it just talking normal stuff and he was telling us about his dogs and his partner's dogs and then um i was like oh who's looking after your dogs well you're over here did you bring him and he goes like ah no caesar's looking after him and i was like caesar milan the the dude he goes yeah he sends me he showed us this video of him going down venice beach he's got a parrot on his shoulder he's got rollerblades he's he's caesar milan's like this huge hollywood vet he's he's he's like Dr. Chris Brown in Hollywood, is he? Except on steroids.

He's got his own shows. It's like a whole industry around this dude. So he's the guy that Ryan Gosling gets to call to look after his dogs. He's like, can I leave my dogs with you? And he's like, yeah. Yeah, sick. Right. Are they talking sequel for Fall Guy or no?

They did in the... This is what I mean. Did you die or are you alive in the movie? I can't do spoilers, bro. No, I was still alive at the end. You're shaking your fist. I'll get you for this, Fall Guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You haven't seen the last of me. This is what I mean about that world if you ever fall again i'll be here uh you mean that world what you've had some oh because yeah obviously anything that's successful immediately the people are going to go like yeah yeah we'll do another one but you just don't know how much i you want to put in that. I mean, it's successful. Yeah. And I mean, when I was at the after party, the producers are like, yeah, it could be great for franchising and all that sort of stuff. And I'm like, yeah, great.

But also, I don't hang my hat on it because I've been told a few times that like, this is definitely going season two. Right. It just gets pulled out from under. Sure. So you just. A lot of people are like, you're not that good of an actor. Don't hang your hat on this thing.

That's me in the mirror. Yeah, yeah. Do stand up. Wait, I saw that too. Don't do that either. But yeah, I mean, because that, yeah, you just never know. Like even if they, even if they did another one, you don't necessarily know that you would be the bad guy.

The bad guy. No, exactly. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to, you know. Well, you could be the bad guy the bad guy no exactly exactly yeah yeah you gotta you know you oh well you could be the good well you're gonna go terminate two so i'll become the good guy yeah yeah that's not bad that'd be fun yeah you gotta treat you gotta try and get a little something for uh captain willie over here oh dude is there a cameo for captain guy too if uh australia's sweetheart mike g Mike G gets to be in it. I'll be the fall guy.

The fall guy faces his biggest challenge yet. The fall guy. Captain Willie May. So Gosling, good guy? Legend. Legend. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know everyone's meant to say, yeah, yeah, he's great, all that, but he fucking rules. He's just as hot as you think and way funnier than you think. It sucks how funny he is. Had they done Barbie yet when you filmed Forego? Yeah, they just finished. Yeah, right. Because it was very meta, I threw a couple of lines in that I was like,

this could get in. Oh, you're riffing? Reference it, yeah. Come on, mate. It's not a Judd Apatow movie tone it down thanks i said something like all right malibu can say bye to them frosted tips right before i burned him or something like that i was like oh they'll they'll put that in because everything they're referencing all these other movies and that's and he just finished barbie but they just wanted they just wanted me to be mean right no funny

lines he's just like yeah just be mean yeah yeah funny lines. He's just like, yeah, just be mean. Yeah, great. We don't want a funny bad guy. Yeah. When everyone's making jokes. Right. Yeah. Like, I think my character, yeah, everyone's just quipping.

Yeah. You're asking Ryan Gosling where he works, what he does for a living, where he went to school. Do you know that we have a pool named after a prime minister that drowned here? Do you know that? Do you know that? I'm the bad guy. prime minister that drowned here? Do you know that? Do you know that? I'm the bad guy. I'm the CEO of the dick-sucking factory. It's funny asking him, so what are you doing after this?

He's just going on to another movie. Yeah. He just does that. Spleen. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I'll probably get a message from Carl soon. Yeah, well, you're like saying to him, man, you're really funny.

Have you ever thought about trying stand-up? Yeah. Dude, pivot. Trust me. I'll vouch for you. We just need one more. And then you can get on. That's fine.

That was your mate, Robin Williams, when they were doing, what was it? Was it Happy Feet 2, maybe? Yeah, he was down here. He was in Australia, and he was, like, popping up at, you know, there's, like, people were very excited that Robin Williams was, like, popping up at comedy gigs. Yeah, he met Capper, australia and he was like popping up at you know there's like people were very excited that robin williams was like popping up at comedy yeah he met capper and that's why he killed himself hearing stories like night he dropped into an open mic with ryan gosling the other night yeah it is funny to like see from afar capper meeting robin williams and going fuck and to think the wrong one killed himself.

Like, why did it have to be like that? What if we find like just real old footage of Robin Williams going like, pizza doggy. Oh,

I'm a pizza doggy. I'm a pizza doggy. And you're like, Kappa stole pizza doggy. Yeah, great. Great. Yeah.

Well, speaking of Hollywood, we talked on the show. When we went to Koh Samui, I was on a plane with a Hollywood star. And we talked about it on the live show. And when I went on there, I was getting told, oh, you're getting on there with a Hollywood star. But I didn't know who it was. I don't really watch that many movies. And so we're on there, and I'm trying to look at the passport of this lady because we were

i was walking like side by side with her and i didn't know who it was so we talked about that on a live ep and coast moon i gave away all the details all the clues and whatever and that i knew and then people in the audience worked it all together and worked out who it was right and like i said i know i watched that little that even after telling that story now i still don't remember who the person was who the actress was michelle monaghan okay right yeah she was in a mission impossible movie um kiss kiss bang bang maybe oh yeah yeah yeah that's cool she's in the new season of white lotus okay because it's been filmed in kosumui so she was going in there and um well that was kind of what made it easy to

solve was like they're filming it there right now yeah so it's got to be someone on the cast so here's the cast list of who's in it right oh no but that that's not what happened though is it yeah really yeah oh i thought it thought it came down to something else. But anyway. Anyway, when I was sitting in the seat, I was like messaging these guys to start with to go, I think I'm sitting near a Hollywood star or whatever. So I started filming and trying to zoom in on, because she was reading a script.

Right. On her like Kindle. Yeah. So I was like trying to zoom in. So I put the clip up after we did the episode. I put the clip up like a couple of weeks later and all that sort of stuff. So it's funny. I don't know what the fuck has happened,

but I was talking on this show a few weeks ago about how I put up a clip of, like we don't put that much, that many clips and stuff up. Like we don't even record this, what we're doing now. But I put a clip up of like me just looking through a menu with 10 pages of potatoes on a menu in Copenhagen. And it went like a very mild version of viral. It got about 1,200 shares and all this sort of stuff of just people liking potatoes. What?

I don't know. It's the most popular thing we've ever done online. Right. And I was like, wow, that's the best thing we've ever done. Now we have a new leader. Because the video i put up i started getting all these notifications on it the other day and i haven't checked it lately this was like two weeks ago or something but the clip i filmed of michelle monaghan reading a

script yeah got like 1.5 million views well went fucking crazy all of a sudden our fan page got like fucking a new thousand people overnight so are you it's like over the shoulder are you behind i'll show you exactly because this is the thing i started getting all these abusive messages going you fucking creep yeah fucking stalker yeah you're trying to upskirt yeah you're trying to get around watch the clip i put up watch the clip i put up you cannot see one millimeter of skin on this lady. You can't see anything. You see the jumper on her shoulder. She's wearing a hat. You don't even see a strand of hair.

So that's the clip that's going up. The whole joke is, the caption is, guys, I have an exclusive look at the script for season three of The White Lotus. The joke is you can't read a single word of it. You can't see a single part of her body in any way. You can see a hat and a bit of jumper. I'm getting nothing but, fuck you. I would fucking punch you in the face if I ever met you.

I'm like, Jesus Christ. Why? Because you're all being, because you're creeping. Yeah, because you're filming a woman in public. Yeah, from behind. You watch that. You tell me you can't say that's definitively a woman. You can see a shoulder.

You can see a hat, a weird fucking hat, and you can see a script that you can't read a word of. I think that's definitively a woman. You can see a shoulder, you can see a hat, a weird fucking hat and you can see a script that you can't read a word of. Right. I think that's allowable. So this has been picked up by people who want

some tidbits on the White Lotus in three. It must be in like a White Lotus fucking fan group or fan page or something like that.

Yeah. So really, welcome to the show guys if that's how you found us. Yeah. Because there was like a thousand new fans. Of everyone that's getting on there and abusing you,

statistically numbers-wise, it's good odds that there'll be at least one person in the mix that's like, maybe I'll give this a listen. Yeah. You're getting not only new Potato fans, but you're getting quite loaded fans as well. God, it's depressing, isn't it? It just goes to show it's like you really spend all this time

on something and trying to make it good and think it'll connect with people. It gets nothing. And then you accidentally record yourself getting off the toilet and it's like one billion views. Why try? What's the point? I will say there's no audio in that video. What's the audio like?

Is it just you going like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Read that script. Looks like a big word. Take that big word here. Whatever the word of semen coming out of her body is, that's the sound. No, there's no sound. It's just us on the plane to Copenhagen.

It's a six-second clip. But anyway, she seemed lovely. And they've gone after you. They've gone after me. Mate. Very, very not happy with me. A lot of people. But whatever. They've gone after me. Mate. Very, very not happy with me, a lot of people. But whatever.

Oh, paparazzi Chandler. Let us know if you're listening to this right now and you've actually ventured into the podcast off the back of seeing Michelle Monaghan's extremely baggy jumper and not one legible word on an iPad. Yeah. Well, speaking of...

So while we were there and then knowing that they were filming the white lotus yeah and who's in the cast of the white lotus so walton goggins is in season three i love walton goggins yeah and i just was like so just fanging on the idea of just like seeing him down the street like having a walton goggins encounter in kosamui yeah i just so badly wanted that to happen and while we were there like just after the um podcast stuff finished the festival finished uh it was father's day in america yeah so goggins posted a thing about like oh the greatest gift of my life has been you know being a being a father

to my son and da da da and so i commented saying happy father's dayton. And then like a day or two later, I get an email from Walton Goggins saying, hey, thanks for the support on my Instagram. And I wrote back and said, oh, ha ha, you're welcome, Walton. Let me guess, am I about to be scammed? And then I'm sort of having these back and forths where there's like big chunks of time in between, like weeks, a month in between like

getting replies from this account right where then he's like no no no nothing like that i just noticed the support and every now and then i like to reach out to fans and just have a bit of a chat um you know how long have you been a fan of my work and i was like oh and i'm like all right i'm just i'm just gonna go with this what's the email address waltongoggansinfo at gmail.com oh info so but here's the thing

I know it's not him but I'm like I just am curious to know what's the end game when's the when's the turn here oh yeah and so far

it is just me it's still going it's still going and it's just me being like just like what's what's the turn here?

So like it's been going on for so long with no hint of anything nefarious that now I am starting to go, this is Walton Goggins. Why would any scammer waste so much of their time? Walter Goggins info at gmail.com. Listens out there. Give him a message. I love your work. I love your work.

Yeah. Following up on the Instagram of Walter Goggins. Yeah. What type of info do you have? I hear you're a fan of Tommy Daslow, I just wanted to say. Yes. Thanks for supporting him. Yeah.

Can I have $50,000? Yes. Hey, sorry I forgot, but happy Father's Day for a few months ago. I mean, yeah, like I've just been, the last exchange was, yeah, him saying something and then me being like, okay, Walton, I am going to have to actually ask now for some proof that it's actually you. Oh, great. And he said- Is he signing off walton yeah okay oh really so that's how you know it's definitely his name walton walton yes w-a-l-t-o jesus christ what a weird name um so yeah the the last thing yeah was me going yeah i'm gonna need some proof that it's you and he was like sure thing

what kind of proof would you like and I said how about a photo of you holding up a piece of paper that says

holding up your dick that says Tommy Daslund yeah and no reply to that yet but I was but then I was like oh man I should have said like how about you share a link

to my comedy special on your Instagram or something like that I should have aimed a little higher so now I'm have said like, how about you share a link to my comedy special on your Instagram or something like that? I should have aimed a little higher. So now I'm like- Was that the last one you sent? That was the last one I sent and not reply yet. So now I'm just-

How long has that been? That was on, that last message I sent was on Friday night. Okay. That's not too far away. So it's been- So it's Monday morning right now. Yeah. But this is him, like this started while we were in thailand

and this has been like big big gaps of like a month of getting over two months yeah yeah so the last message was the one saying prove that you're actually yeah right and it's a funny thing for them to write back initially and go like sure what kind of proof would you like because it's like yeah yeah well what do you do now yeah like i love the idea that i get like if it's some obviously like photoshopped like ai thing of like walton goggins holding a sign i'm gonna hit up every celebrity with a blue tick next to them on social media and say prove it's really you put in an ad for basement comedy club i mean this whole time there's like a point zero zero zero zero zero one percent in my head of like

imagine if it's him because like I say it's just it's just gone on for so long with there being so my point the reason I kind of

wanted to bring it up you're saying what's the point of this guy how could this guy be like using his time so badly and what's the end game here and he's thinking

the exact same thing about you he's just gonna drag it out as well because he'll be like where's the proof and he'll establish a relationship and then be like yeah he'll be like yeah it's definitely me you might have loved me and fall out and uh you know vice principals or whatever he's gonna say the same thing to you he's gonna say show me a piece of the childhood cancer you had if you the real tommy dastard you'll still have and i can yeah i do have it great yeah hold up that in one hand yes today's newspaper in the other hand yeah i like i yeah the part of the reason i wanted to bring it up was if if this is a listener of the show who's doing this getting me on the hook

just fucking wrap it up let's get it let's get it going you know this is someone who's heard me because when we were doing when we were talking about the White Lotus when we were over there I was saying on the show fuck

imagine if we met like I've said on this show that I love Walton Goggins so I did think that it could be someone who listens to this having a little prank on me

which is fine but come on let's get it going it's been two months I'm on the hook I'm on the line you just want some resolution reel me in this having a little prank on me, which is fine, but come on, let's get it going. It's been two months. Yeah, right. I'm on the hook. I'm on the line. You just want some resolution.

Reel me in. You want some resolution. Yeah, yeah, gotcha. I want to know how do you twist this into like, you know, if it's just a, if it is just some random guy and me asking for a photo holding up a, you know, a piece of paper with my name and it's just like, yeah, some big fat dork with a sign saying, I you tommy that's like that it's like great there we go yeah great perfect dismount yeah well done everyone well everyone everyone email walton goggins info info at gmail.com yeah get them to to prove that they're they're real by sending a picture to tommy that's yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah so he hunts down anyone who comments on a Walton Goggins post. He finds their email somehow. Yeah, that's the thing. That's the bit I couldn't work out. Right. Yeah, that's interesting. There's a couple little sort of like bits of work you have to do to get to that point. Well, yeah.

So this wasn't a DM on Instagram. This is my personal email address. So I don't know if it's like... Is your email on your Instagram? No. Oh, shit. So maybe it's linked on there somehow. Have you got a link tree or anything like that?

Pardon? Have you got like a link tree on your page? I don't have my email on there though. Maybe it's Michelle Monaghan trying to get back at us. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For making it go viral. Yeah.

True. Yeah. I mean, what if they were aware while they were there filming? Like, yeah, yeah. For making it go viral. Yeah. True. Yeah. I mean, what if they were aware while they were there filming, like, hey, you know, there's this fucking, apparently there's like a podcast festival

happening down the road. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two major things happening in Costa Mesa at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know.

I'm happy for, look, I'm happy for whatever to happen. I'm happy to have Walton Goggins on the Little Dum Dum Club. Sure. I'm happy to have been, you know, had someone attempt to scam me for the last two yeah anything's fine

i'm happy to wrap it up i'm happy to have the scammer on the little dum-dum you should start running a scam ask him for his like account details and if he can send you some money and like you know what i mean like if he hasn't turned the screw ask you for money yet you start asking i do love the idea that like because that's what i keep thinking it's like well what's the pivot point here where all of a sudden walton goggins is like hey as a big fan i know you wouldn't want to see me you know suffering at all and i really need some money but it's like he's currently at the ape he's like the most popular he's ever been yeah so the idea that he could turn around and be like oh i'm on hard times it's like brother you're in like four massively successful tv shows right now that's what i'm saying you asked for money yeah

yeah yeah okay well if he does if he if he tries to yeah i think i just need to go straight back now and say yeah give me some money yeah you're saying you know as if he can say oh look i i need money man that's how these fucking scams work. Like people are out there that are dumb enough. Well, yeah, yeah. I know someone that fell for a scam where it was like a celebrity went, give me this money. And this celebrity is like really rich. And the person went, okay, and gave the money.

That's so good. There are people out there that fucking do this. Just refresh my email because I love the idea that maybe I've gotten a correspondence while we've been talking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just interested in the like how does that what do they need to see from you to then be like okay we're on here it's time to it's time to just ask for the money you commenting happy father's day it was enough for him to be like this guy's a fucking idiot

you've got to pray on the on the feeble-minded, and you did everything in that pose to position yourself in that position. I was drunk when I sent it, too, so it was like, happy Father's Day, Walt, in a smiley face. So it's like I really do look touched in the head. You've got to use some of your Hollywood connections, Nighty. See if you can do some digging and find out if this is actually Walton Goggins' real email address.

They did ask, yeah. Talk to your mate from the space. From the space. Email RyanGoslingInfo at gmail.com I want to know, so your post, was it sincere when you said Happy Father's Day? I do really want him to have a Happy Father's Day, yeah. What do you mean, was it sincere?

I didn't know if you were like, this is funny. Happy Father's Day, like, it'd be funny to say that. I was trying to do it, well, because he was in Thailandailand and i was still there like aren't like in kosamui yeah not all that far from where they were staying in film in the white it was a little bit of like notice me senpai kind of gear it was like if i comment yeah maybe he'll you know maybe he'll see that yeah you know he'll see that figure out where you are and he'll bite you over a drink yeah yeah like chandler should have commented on michelle monaghan's instagram post like lovely jumper you wore on the plane or something nice hat bitch or you know whatever

cool kindle where'd you get it so yeah i don't i love like i love how embedded we are in season three of The White Lotus. We were staying down the road from them. You saw one of them on a plane. Now I'm potentially being scammed by another member of the cast. Not potentially. That is literally how it works. Like this person I'm talking about, they just commented on the official page

and then they got hit up and said, this is who that person is. Give me some money. So that's what they do. The scammers look at those official pages. Who was the celebrity that reached out? Hugh Jackman. Oh, right.

This person was like, this is Hugh Jackman. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is actually – this would be a fun project. Just do this on like every – like the biggest stars that you can find. Yeah. And just see how many different correspondences you can be in. Oh, yeah.

With obvious scammers at the one time. Yeah. Just how much of a little like network you can have going. This Hugh Jackman guy got caught. Like he was like a local guy. Oh, really? Yeah. And they like got the money back and everything.

Fuck. Yeah. I would love, was he saying like, hey, I haven't been for wolverine yet and uh if you could front me some cash you know what would be funny is like i put put him in touch with each other you know walton finally flips on me and he's like hey i need some money i'm like man i'm a little strapped myself at the moment but um i've cc'd in here michael shannon um he can probably he can probably help you out with this $500,000 you're looking for yeah no

I think the the scam was with Hugh Jackman was I've sent you a give me a give me your address and I'll send you

a thing whatever the thing was and then it became like a classic scam of it's been held up at the airport and you have to sort of sign for it

by sending this money to, what is it called? Western Union or whatever it is. Oh, this would be good if the Walton Goggins is like, I've posted the photo to you and it's stuck in customs. I've got you a role in White Lotus season four,

but it got stuck in customs and you have to sign for it. You need to go into the post office and prove that it's you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is, yeah. I'm enjoying it though because it's like,

I literally forget about it. It's like, you know, there's months in between and then all of a sudden I'll just be out, get a little email. I'm like, oh, it's my old friend, Walton Goggins.

Just the most of, I mean, Hugh Jackman is like, okay, big massive star. That's like people would be starstruck by that and be like, I'll do whatever you want, Hugh Jackman. But being like, yeah, Walton Goggins is the guy. Walton Goggins is the guy to get people on the hook with. Oh, yeah.

I'll get an email from William H. Macy at info.gmail.com. Someone could start to be Ben Knight. That's a credible one. Ben Knight info at Gmail. I was wondering if anyone was going to slide in with. That's a credible one. Ben Knight info at Gmail. I was wondering if anyone was going to slide in with, I need some money. I haven't got a blue tick, though.

You need one of those, don't you? You mean people just hitting you up for money now that you've been in it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the angle I was going with. What did you get paid for it, by the way? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, here we go. No jokes, please. Get out your phone.

Show us the... I'll tell you what, it doesn't pay like Basement Comedy Club. Because I'm a bit hard for money at the moment. I just gave a lot of mine to... Hollywood celebrities. Man, they really bled me dry. Let's go on the round. I reckon that dude's probably gone to see if he can get a cameo from him holding the paper.

Get a cameo. And he the paper. Get a cameo. And he's going to come back with it. That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a really good idea if you're a scammer. I'm invested in this now. I want to see how deep it goes. Well, yeah.

I mean, that's what's fascinating. It's like you put yourself in that position of like, yeah, what proof do you want? Obviously, I'm going to ask for something like that. Yeah. So do you just now just leave it? Do you just go like, all right, I'm out? ask for something like that. Yeah. So do you just now just leave it? Do you just go like, all right, I'm out? Here's the thing. He's definitely a scammer.

He's just a really bad one. He's just got a lot of people on the hook and he's taking his sweet ass time to get around to doing whatever the fuck he's going to do. I really want, the dream is I just get like the worst Photoshop you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, yeah. Of like Walton Goggins with like a,

not even Photoshopped into a hand, just like a white square with like Comic Sans, hello Tommy Dassolo on it. That'll be the dream. So look, I'll keep people updated. Send, yeah, email waltongogginsinfo at gmail.com. Let's try and get this thing moving along. Let's flush this guy out.

Send us your screenshots of any emails that you send to him. Yes. Yeah, just so we know that this is actually happening. And if you see Michelle Monaghan from behind, feel free to film her and send that in as well. Add to the collection. Put that up to keep everyone happy. Our new thousand fans, keep them happy.

Yeah, so do you have any... There's no indication of where it's been reposted. I can't figure that out. The Michelle Monaghan thing. All I know is I just kept getting a flurry of notifications of new followers and abusive replies. We've got to chuck a link to this episode in the comments. Like, hey, for all you White Lotus fans,

we also talk about Walton Goggins on every episode. Did you say... What did the post say? Because if you're saying this is season three script of White Lotus, was it that? Yes. That's why it's blown up. everyone's obsessed with that show and they're like oh fuck what is that but the joke is you can't read any of the script so it's 50 people going you're a fucking cunt you're a creep you fucking piece of shit i'm gonna bash you yeah and the other 50 is can't read it so you should just repost it like oh guys the dune 3 script just leaked and then they're just like yeah i keep getting new oh that's a good idea yeah if you can't read the script just

fucking make up behind timothy chalamet on a flight he was reading the script of dune 3 the show monahan's back and the new Mission Impossible script is here, guys. Yeah. Check this out. I think you should use it and just keep reposting the basement lineup every week. Oh, no, you know I should do.

It zooms in. Ahead of the next live show we do, guys, the new Rad Dad script is in. Oh, yes. It's ready to go, guys.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very versatile video. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just say, like, because you can't see any skin, any hair hair it could be me or tommy you don't know who it is baggy sweatshirt yeah yeah we weren't sitting together so you were just filming me yeah it was on my kindle yeah you both have feminine shoulders yeah thank you

thank you for noticing i work out that's cool well yeah i um uh i, yeah, I should have, as soon as I sent that, I was like, man, I should have tried to get him to plug the comedy special on his Instagram. Because the special's going well, getting some good comments on it. But what I've really been waiting for is like,

you know, like when you put something out, obviously like early comments that you get are positive. Yeah. Because it's just people that are inside your little bubble but as you're seeing with this clip car like the the bigger something gets yeah then that's when you start getting the hate oh yeah and that and like you can take some comfort in like well at least getting some negativity means that it's like broken through it's just like you have to accept that from being out in the wider world yeah so i've kind of been

like i've kind of been waiting for the tide to turn with the comments. Yeah. And like, so after a week, I got a comment on the special saying, yeah, I guess this eventually got kind of funny. It's like, all right, that's pretty backhanded. Yeah. We're sort of, you know, we're sort of getting on here.

It's not the worst YouTube comment. Yeah. Then the next one was like, this dude looks like he's 50, but I bet he's like 30 something. Okay, that's getting there. To be fair, I had been drinking. There we go.

Nighty. It was nighty. It's been night info at Gmail. Also, guys, I've got to tell you about this fuckhead that I've got on the line. Oh, that's you as well. Everything. Why didn't you say anything when we were talking about it?

Yes. I wanted to bring it all full circle, like a professional podcast. Next you're going to be telling us you're actually Captain Willie as well. And then, yeah, next comment. This is more recently. I got one that said, like, the very start of the thing is me just making a comment about what i'm wearing like just a 10 second throwaway thing that i just left in the edit yeah and this guy goes so you decided to wear that outfit and then you get on stage and

immediately make fun of what you're wearing a little bit trite and pandering for me here we go like awesome this guy gets comedy. And then this morning, someone's gone onto a thing that I posted probably about 15 years ago and gone, how does Tommy look healthier here and sicker in his

current special? I'm like, so now I'm copping it on fucking old clips from 15 years ago. But that's how time works, you fucking idiot. How does someone look better 15 years ago than they do now? The gag's the other way around, right? You could call this man some kind of reverse Benjamin Button. So I'm just waiting.

Still, you know, the tide's turning a little bit, but still nothing quite, nothing like true vitriol where you just go all right now we really are outside of the sphere oh yeah it's just coming the algorithm's just throwing this up is this on the special as a whole or is there clips you've posted that is just on the special okay right i'm getting there yeah the mood's starting to shift a little bit you start chopping it up putting clips up on insta and if one of those takes off you'll you'll get the proper oh yeah oh so much of that really i've had i did a joke about redheads on the hundred and that went viral and it's just like death threats people are like you should die right yeah just like there had been drinking. Fuck.

Things that we haven't even talked about yet were also here. This guy's like the Forrest Gump of this podcast world. He'd pop up everywhere. So you haven't got any hardcore ones? No, not hardcore yet. Do you follow this? There's an Instagram page called Disturbing Comments, and they just show a clip,

and then they show all the fucking most like brutal comments all right it rules man it's just because it's like i should submit myself people like someone trying to put up like a nice dance and it's it's just like kill yourself you fucking dog like it's brutal i really feel like check it out i feel like you know it like you you see people get sent that like plaque or statue from YouTube when they cross

a certain number of subscribers or views or whatever they should send you a little trophy when you get your first kill yourself on your video

oh yeah that's a real mark of like yeah I'm a YouTuber now yeah yeah for sure what I'd like

I'd never respond to any of the hate and you're like alright whatever it's getting traction let it fucking keep going viral. But the comics that will then screenshot

their replies to like some hateful comment and then post it like they've just owned this person. I was like, you've lost as soon as you've replied. Either it's like the dumbest comment that's so easy to dunk back on. Yeah. Or it's like,

nah, the original one actually rules. And you've just gone no i'm not takes one to no one that's kind of what they all boil down oh yeah oh you'd know would you like to know my reply on on one of the one of the people on the um michelle monaghan videos oh here we go if you'd like exhibit a yeah all right so this guy goes stewart brewer sorry for doxing you stewart uh he says he replies to that pit to the short five second video of a lady that you can't see anything of reading a script that you can't read he says i'll remind myself to keep an eye

on folk around me on the plane that could have that could have been personal stuff you spying on you horrible nosy bastard it's like oh mate i wasn't fucking spying on you yeah it was a famous and it was private stuff it was her script for a show she's filming yes no one knows what's in it yet yes um my my response i don't spy on losers sorry and then he said is that the best you can come up with you cretinous little fuckwit this guy's owning you yeah he's winning i don't spy on losers yeah i go it's well it's not my best why would i waste my best on a loser like you smiley face then his response didn't realize you were a homeless guy with special needs. You obviously need something to do while you're waiting for someone to replace the crayons that you are eating. And then post a picture of me and then I go, ah, that'll do.

Okay, next episode, my scammer and this Stuart guy. Two kings. It's actually pretty good, so I'll leave it there. Two men who've just fucked us into next Sunday. It did take me ages to find that. There we go. Oh, my God. Stuart, thanks for joining us.

Oh, my God. I wish we could do another hour so we can find out what other things are going on. Wait, are you my wife? Yeah. Did you do 9-11? Did you give birth to my child? Yeah. All right.

Well, we'd better leave it there for another installment of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Mike Goldstein, Ben Knight, thank you very much for defying the odds and joining us today. Yeah, we did it. Things you'd like to plug? Your ass. Nice. Still got it. Pretty good.

Pretty good. Shit. This episode was like a bit of Barocca for you really it was like the audio Barocca you're back yeah just flush it out look at that

I'm ready to go it just made me remember if at the point that Walton Goggins asked me for money I should say only if you rate my butthole yeah

tell me my butthole's cute send him a photo of full splayed anus. The $50,000 is yours if you can give this a rating out of 10. The $50,000's up here. Reach in. Does this look like a hemorrhoid to you? Apart from my anus, what would you like to plug?

Apart from Tommy's butt, I would like to plug. Just go on my Instagram. I put everything on that. It's Walter Goggin. It's Big Red Ben Knight. apart from Tommy's butt I would like to plug just go on my Instagram I put everything on that it's big red it's Walter Goggin it's big red Ben Knight I'll throw everything on there

cool so yeah special will be coming out soon I've got a short film that I'm probably going to put on the front of it so it'll be coming out so just follow me on that

so a stand up special coming out soon yes yeah I'm just yeah trying to edit down the short film

that goes in front of it Nice Trying to figure out Something worth keeping for it Yeah Exactly Exactly Phone Hacks Podcast

With Nick Capper Who Yeah A big name drop there dude I don't know if you guys Know about Nick But He's a homeless guy

With special needs as well quite an athlete by the video i saw today as well uh yeah they're just comedy mike goldstein on socials that's it yep and the hundred oh of course the hundred it's coming back it's uh two weeks midnight's partner's partner, Andy. Yeah. We actually, the next series debuts on September 11th. Oh. So, that's great.

Never forget. Yeah, never forget. So now it's the worst thing to happen on that date. Yeah. Oh,

yeah. There we go. Slash you. Yeah, me. I should put it on two networks at once. Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are they doing some promos of like, you know,

George Bush? Channel 11. Yeah. Oh, Channel Oh yeah. Are they doing some promos of like you know George Bush getting his big ear? Yeah. Oh Channel 11. That would be good. To be fair I never liked those towels. Yeah.

All right. Thanks everyone for listening and we'll see you next time. See you mate. And they've done it again. I have. Bernie. Bernie's hung over

but he still he drank a big one. But then he did a lot of big baroccas. Yeah. That takes care of that. Bernie's beep beep bounced a big one. Yes. Put the Bernie back in our step. So we're back to doing Talking Dumb Dumb this week.

We are back. We didn't do Dumb this week. We are back. We didn't do any names last week. We didn't. No one noticed. No one commented on it at all. Not one single comment or message. No one said a single thing about it. Yeah.

Which really makes you feel like this is a worthwhile part of the week. Yeah. I could be having... Oh, no. I had my early lunch. I don't need lunch. Yeah. Could be doing other things.

But let's do this instead. Yeah. Let's read some names out yep um anything else to report live show in perth um and shirts still available and hats and stubby holders yes still available um at little dumdum club.com if you're into that sort of stuff um thank you to everyone who subscribes on patreon thank you everyone who listens thank you to everyone who passes on i had a couple of messages and things like that lately where the people passed on uh the show to other friends and stuff like that so do that that would be a lovely thing of you if you don't want to put your hand in your pocket you fucking tight cunt yep um at the very least if you enjoy the show tell someone else who might enjoy it yeah that would be cool of you um but thank you to actual proper thanks to people who give us actual

money the real thing yeah that counts in life yeah uh and some of those people i'm about to reward even more by saying their names out loud into the stratosphere right now thank you very much to first cap off the rank this week thank Thank you to Patreon subscriber Kate Lucas. Kate Lucas. That's correct, Tommy. Kate Lucas. K-A-T-E-L-U-C-A-S. Couldn't be any easier.

Exactly what I would have expected. Yes. Very predictable. But, you know, predictable is good. Unpredictable. You see that once you hear the word unpredictable in the news, it's not followed by anything much good. No.

Well, there's a little sweet spot with the predictability of names. Something like this, not ideal. Something too unpredictable, also not ideal. Yeah. We kind of get decision paralysis if we get something too whacky. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Kate, I like as a name.

Lucas, I don't mind as a surname. I don't really like it as a first Lucas I I don't mind as a surname I don't really like it as a first name so yeah it's look

I'm fine with it you don't meet too many Lucas's though they tend to go by Luke yeah there's still some and those people that I do meet that are called Lucas

I do think why aren't you going by Luke why wouldn't you go by Luke because Luke's way better yeah Luke's a good name I like Luke Lucas

I feel like you're like a weak Luke. Yeah. Yeah. Not to say that you should call yourself Kate Luke, but I'm also not against it. I have a bit of an aversion to the name Lucas because I am constantly getting emails from a hospitality chain called the Lucas Group. Right. I don't really know.

It's one of those things where i guess at some stage i've booked at one of those at one of their restaurants and they've gone oh this means you want to be on our mailing list yes about events that we're having at all of our venues across the country yeah and so and you don't think to hit unsubscribe nah it's more like look at the email see that's in there and be like another fucking one of these I'm not opening them I'm just seeing them in the inbox

and going like fuck that right right but you can there is a way around it it's true it's true

she might be from there she might be from the Lucas group yeah this could be her she could be the head of the Lucas group this could be her

saying thank you to you know sorry and thank you I've been annoying you thanks my group all these years. And I don't even listen to the podcast, but I've been, you know, it's like Walton Goggles fucking info at Gmail. You know, gone down the rabbit hole, found your email address. Yep.

Doing the right thing. Found your podcast. I'm going to unsubscribe right now good for you to the lucas restaurant well now that now that she's had her name this message is from a mailing list unsubscribe goodbye no more updates about hawker hall yakimono kisume grill americano chin chin i'm out baby i'm gone well ad. Well. Adios. Sorry, Kate. Well, that's poor timing. I just got an email saying 99% off all food at Chin Chin. Oh, wow.

Cool. And I've just booked in. This is going to be the best, but you're not invited, Tommy. Oh, that's a shame. Yeah. It's going to be so good. Thanks, Kate Lucas, for emailing me that personally. It was actually her.

Wow. Yeah. As we're talking about it. Yeah, funny old world. That's bizarre. Yeah, I emailing me that personally. It was actually her. Wow. Yeah. As we're talking about it. Yeah, funny old world. That's bizarre. Yeah, I know. Bad for you. 99% off is a weird amount to get.

Yeah. I mean, I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth, Tommy. I've already said yes. You sure it's not going to annoy you while you're sitting there just thinking like, this is so close to being free. No. This is so close to being 100% off. No.

What are you talking about? If they put Big Macs out at a dollar, you wouldn't be saying, hey, this is only a dollar off being free. Yeah. This should be free. I would be thinking it. This is so close to you paying me to eat the Big Mac. This is too expensive.

Yeah. This is $2 off you paying me to eat this Big Mac. Yeah. Right. That would enter my head. That's very- Think of how close I'm coming. Is there something beyond glass half empty?

Yeah. A way of thinking of things? Yeah, yeah. Glass close to coming back around to being... Burger, $2 too much. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

That's very pessimistic. Or I would say it goes beyond optimistic and pessimistic and goes into insane. Yeah. Insane behavior. Thank you. Yeah. Mate, it. Thank you. Yeah. Mate, it wasn't a compliment. Well, Kate, if that was you, unless that was a Kate Lucas impression.

It did come from katelucasinfo at gmail.com. Well, you never know. It may not be. What I'm learning is that you god i hope i get some kind of something out of this i just want an end yeah i don't want the trail to just go cold i don't want to scare this person off i want something to happen where i definitively go oh that's funny i know you mean like it's look it is a scam but it's such a lazy scam i don't know why they haven't cut to the chase.

Yeah. How does scam, I would love to know how scammers work where they're in a call center or whatever it is. Yeah. Are they keeping that like a file? Are they keeping a case file on everyone and going, right, Tommy Daslow, we haven't messaged him for a month.

We don't want to be too needy or whatever. I mean, Walton Goggles wouldn't really do that. So can I just call him Walter Goggles? You can do whatever you want. Okay. So he'd be too busy to be messaging you every day. What we're going to do is we're going to make it every month and just string it out so that in six months' time,

when we ask for money, it's believable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he says, listen, just heard, I haven't been renewed for season four of White Lighters. I'm in trouble here. I mean, he's's not gonna be in season four anyway yeah sure well i do i yeah i it's funny to like you would think how do you know he's not gonna be in season four because it's different people

every time the same woman was in season one and season two is that lady point i forgot to mention he mentioned that in one of his emails Oh right right right Right Like if you're Stifler's mum Is that her Stifler's mum Yeah yeah Jennifer Coolidge

Yep If you're them And you get the message From me going I want some proof And obviously You know that's That's alarm bells

Are going off here Like oh this guy Might not be as much Of a rube as we first thought Yes But just like Still going like No no no Let's just kind of see what kind of proof he wants yeah we might be able to get away with this he might ask us for something so dumb that's easy for us to doctor i'm thinking give me your word promise me that it's you i'm thinking it's going to be one

of those ones do you ever follow any bands or anything on socials where all of a sudden someone will put up a thing going hey uh we've got uh the band's released a new t-shirt and they'll just like photoshop julian casablancas into something oh yeah holding up a shirt and it says the strokes and they've like spelt strokes wrong on it or something you know that it'll be like that yeah it'll just be it'll photoshop walter goggles in holding up a newspaper and it'll say the the baltimore baltimore times with like that crossed out and herald son britain in and then say the date hello tommy daslow yes headline on today's paper yes yeah i walter goggles be his friend with tommy daslow that'll be the headline it's funny that i'm like holding

his feet to the fire i'm proving who he is when he hasn't asked for anything yet you know what i mean because that's the best reply is like what does it matter to you if i'm him or not yeah not asking for anything yeah yeah yeah yet can i have fifty thousand dollars yes and depending on what you say to that maybe then i'll give you like me going like hey man i don't want to be emailing back and forth with just anyone yeah i need to know that this is actually you maybe it's going to be Man, I'm just a mere celebrity Wanting to make friends with people on the internet And you treat me like this Like I'm not the real Walter Goggles

This is insane The only thing that I can get over this with Is possibly a cash donation Yeah, yeah, yeah Not for me But for a charity that I'm running right now The Walter Goggles Guide to Keeping my co-stars safe on planes

Instead of being spied on. Yeah. With a mere $50,000 donation, we can book a bodyguard on each plane and punch out anyone who gets out his phone and starts filming them. I love the idea that him and Michelle Monaghan, they film together. They obviously get pretty close, pretty intimate kind of shoot. You're all staying together at the same hotel on this little island. Don't see each other for a few months when season three is getting ready to premiere you know

they go to the big premiere oh how you been i've been having the just been having the weirdest time honestly like this podcast to put up this video of me on a plane and then like that's gone viral yeah i've been having a weird interaction with a podcaster too like i just reached out to this guy off instagram he's like kind of being a bit of a cunt, getting me to prove who I am. All I did was sift through all the millions of comments on a post and then found out what their email address was and then in the middle of the night said, hey, what are you doing?

And they've gone, who are you? Well, the best outcome here is I get an email, it's irrefutable proof that it's Walton Goggins and then we somehow work out that that video of you, that's not Michelle Monaghan at all. That's someone pretending to be Michelle Monaghan on the plane. Yes. I'd love that.

I wouldn't know the difference. I would have no idea of knowing whether that's true or not. Well, thanks, Kate Lucas. Thanks, Kate Lucas. And the rest of your group. If that is your real name. Yeah. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Stephen Bates.

Stephen Bates. Or as I... Yes. If I may. Yes. If I may. Yes. Or as I... Yes. If I may. Yes. If I may. Yes. If you are...

Yes. Younger and not quite a mister yet, if I may call you Master. Yep. Yeah. Is that it? What is the cutoff point for Master? I don't know. Can you call someone Master at age 17?

I wouldn't believe so. I feel like it's a pre-teen thing. Yeah, but then also – At age 14, you can call someone master at 14. Master. I'm going to start calling you master. Please. Little master.

Please. Little master. The master. No. No. Master. I mean – Because it's – yeah, it's funny that it's like the same word for like a, you know, look at

this little child over here, little master. Yeah. But then also it's like, you know, it's the ultimate. I know. Once you get older. Once you're a kid and you don't know fuck all, shit all to do with anything and you get called master and then you grow older and you get wiser and smarter and better things and then you're not, then you're just shitty old mister.

Do you ever fill out a thing online where like the rare website where when you're putting your details in, it'll have a drop down for the prefix? I've been on the internet, yes. Are you mister or missus or miss? And just like master will still be in there. Oh, is it? Who do you think's filling out this form? Yeah, great.

A little five-year-old being like, yeah, I'll book my own flight. I cannot think of the last time I've heard of anyone using master in that tense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cannot think. It's sort of, it's really just sort of drifted away, hasn't it? Yeah. What's the- It's like, I've always thought of it as like it's a more like posh thing, right?

Maybe. It's real like, you know, the servants, the butlers referring to the, you know, the child of the wealthy family as Master Chandler. Come around this way. It's gone away a little bit. I only recently found out that there'd be that – it's not a trope, but like a thing about white dog poo, how you used to see white dog poo, and now you don't see white dog poo anymore.

And it's like, okay, well, I genuinely don't know why that is. And then someone said, oh, it's because of dogs' diets. Like they've changed the dietary ingredients of dog food and stuff. Yeah, I genuinely don't know why that is. And then someone said, oh, it's because of dogs' diets. Like, they've changed the dietary ingredients of, like, dog food and stuff. Yeah, I didn't know that at all. It used to be, like, they just ate horrible food. And now they – dogs are more – it has more nutrition in their food. Yeah, I'm aware. Yeah.

I make my dogs dog food once a week. Right. Which is crazy. Yes. But normal dog food has, a week right well which is normal dog crazy yes but normal dog food has like whatever in it doesn't have fucking charcoal and bark in it anymore yeah the can the canned shit back in the day would have just been horrific horrific yeah yeah yeah i remember like as a kid feeding our animals and being like this you would not want to go in like slops out of the can yeah like horrible fucking shit where I'm like,

I need to boil my fingers after accidentally touching this. But nowadays you look at it and go, if I got desperate, I could have this. You heat this up. This is all right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we make a little mix for Kewpie where it's like turkey mince, brown rice, and then frozen veggies still kind of boiled up together. And he fucking goes mental for it.

Back in the day it used to be like, you know, you talk about like people on skid row and you know old old people stuck in their homes and they had to eat dog food it's like oh my god these days it's like old people eating dog food and i'm like must be nice yeah they um there's like someone's using a drill in our ceiling or something yeah it's really close it wasn't that wasn't just the comedy censor trying to blank out what I was about to say. I get ads on Instagram for this like, yeah, kind of hipster dog food stuff that's like the big thing of it is like, people can eat it as well. It's like, what scenario are you in where you're tucking into your dog's dog food with him? What is the selling point?

What is the difference? Like, it is meat. It is vegetables. Like, what's the middle point? What's the – when people make dog food, I would love to know why humans shouldn't eat this. Yeah. If this is meat and vegetables. What makes it okay for a dog and not for a person?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because there's plenty of stuff that we can eat that dogs – that animals can't have. Yes. But, like, how much – yeah, what ingredients are there that go the other way oh if a person eats this they'll die if the dogs love it in in premium lean mince lean beef mince is there too much chocolate in it is that why dogs can't eat that yeah yeah do they take the chocolate out for dog food well since we switched him onto the homemade dog food he could kind of use just have kibble he could really give or take it like he would take a while to get around like he'd put his dinner out and it'd just be there for an hour and a half.

Now, with the turkey mixture, he gets to five o'clock and he's like, come on, let's get this fucking show on the road. Oh, that's good. Let's get dinner out. And so we'll make a batch of it. And then every now and then we get to the end of the batch and just neither of us has had the time to like make a fresh batch of it that day. So he'll go back.

So he'll do the same thing. It'll get to dinner time and he's like, come on, let's get the, let's get dinner on the table. And you give him a bowl of kibble and he just looks at you like, what the fuck do you call this? The couple of days where he's back on kibble, he is filthy. Man, you should get a cat. Fucking hell.

Talk about being unappreciative of food yeah fucking hell yeah god yeah i uh my wife was away for work a couple of days this week and it's like all right that's usually her job to feed the cat first thing in the morning she gets up before me yep and i'm like the cat's on my head fucking smashing me in the face going it's time for fucking food you get up you give her the food and he goes, no, thanks. You piece of fucking shit. You woke me up for that? Like, that's insane. You're that hungry that you need to fucking punch me in the face.

Imagine doing that for a person doing that. Assaulting someone going, I'm that hungry. This is how violent I've turned to. And then you go, here's your hamburger. Not for me. Yeah. Fuck me. Well, Kewpie's got like a really keen sense of time now because of meal times.

Like he gets fed roughly the same time twice a day. And so when it's getting near to that, like he'll – same thing. He'll like wake us up and be like, come on, time for turkey. And on a day like this where I've fed him and then gone out and Lauren was still asleep. I've got to like message her and go, because he sees that the person who fed him is gone and he's like, I can try the Acton with the other one.

And it has worked a couple of times where one of us is like, he was going so mental. I just thought there was no way he could have possibly been fed already. And so he's just clocking up two breakfasts and two dinners. Yeah, you know what? I think I get a bit of that as well. Yeah. and i'm looking at that food and i'm having to text my wife and go this is from today isn't it yeah she's been fed all right being outsmarted by an animal really does feel pretty bad like having to send a message and go hey i have fed him don't fall for

the act it's like having to do that is so depressing. Yeah. This little prick just runs rings around us. Yes. Well, Master Bates, jerking my dick off. Stephen, Stephen come. Yep. Stephen come. Stephen wank. Stephen jerk off. Thank you so much for giving us money and keeping us on the air.

Thank you so much for all you've done for us. Goodbye. What about my new comedy character, you know, the author Stephen King? Yes. His brother Wayne. Okay. That's not bad.

He also writes books. Right. Yeah. They're a little different. Yeah. Yeah. It's a clown in the gutter, but he just comes down and jerks the kid off.

The coming. The coming, yeah. Right. Where it's not blood coming down those hallways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The elevator opens up. I feel like we've made that joke so many times on the show. Yeah.

I don't know. It feels like, like yeah it feels familiar but I feel like I'm in a fucking rotation of the same two jokes yeah anyway

all the time yeah it's the same thing with Carrie Carrie to her graduation or whatever it is and it's not blood

coming down it's come again that's pretty good I've not seen it I haven't either I'll take your word for it I know that that's the thing that happens oh right she has blood it's come again i've not seen it i haven't either i'll take your word for it i know that that's the thing that happens she has blood it's a it's some sort of menstrual allegory or something like that i don't know metaphor i don't know anyway imagine stephen king but with cum

yeah yeah that's what i was trying to get out right okay well thanks stephen bates um thank you very much to patreon subscriber oh Oh, we've gone double Stephen. Thank you to Stephen. Oh, no. That would have been great if you'd gone, oh, I've got double Stephen, and then read out a name that did not have Stephen in it in any way. It's worse.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber Stephen. Look, he's got two first names. Stephen? No, that would be cool. Not really, but sort of It'd be interesting for us Think of a first name That you could add on the end of Stephen

And it'd be bad In my opinion Hang on, so A first name as a surname that you could add on to Stephen Yeah Um Evan Steven. Yeah. Evan.

You think Steven Evan would be a bad name? Yeah. It's not that bad. Just saying it out loud. Steven Evan. Steven Evan. Steven Evan. That sucks.

Come on, that sucks. It's sort of unusual that it's sucking. I think this sucks. His name is is thank you very much to patient subscriber steven gavin yeah that's bad that's not a million miles away from what i said yeah i guess i guess gavin i kind of just think gavin's a bad name that's all big time yeah big time steven gavin steven gavin yeah that's bad yeah That's bad anyway, but like, yeah. Yeah. But also, to be fair, the surname Gavin, what is good before that?

You know, is that just a bit of a curse name? Mike Gavin. Nah. No? No. I think it lessens it. But Gavin, look, you know what? Before this, before I'd heard this, I've never heard Gavin as a surname,

I don't think. But Gavin, I've always thought as a Before this, before I'd heard this, I've never heard Gavin as a surname, I don't think. But Gavin, I've always thought as a first name, is bad. Yeah. I've never thought that anyone's... It's like someone's thought, man, this sucks. This name sucks. Maybe if we move it to the back end, we can get away with it. Yeah.

Used as a surname and they've failed. You think this was like the family at one point someone in the family had the first name gavin yeah and they thought i'm just going to change this to my surname yes i hate having this as my first name yes i'm going to alter the course of my family tree yes forever yes yeah absolutely that's a cool move i'm going to curse everyone in my family yeah yeah what i haven't enjoyed living through yes i think that's what's happened here. So Stephen Gavin's great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, his first name was Gavin. Unless his name was Gavin Gavin.

I wonder if there's been a Gavin Gavin in the family. Yeah. That's bad. Could have been. That's very bad. Stevie Gav. Gavvy Gav. Yeah.

Gavvy Gav's not bad. Stephen Gavin. I am. Stephen with a V Nope Even worse Stephen Stephen Gavin

Stephen Gavin Yeah I don't know Maybe To me that makes it Slightly It's the worst version Of Stephen But it is

Slightly better Than Something about the double V I think would be absurd You know when it's Stephen As in S-T-E-P-H-E-N? Mm.

Then. Stephen. When they call themselves Steve as an abbreviation. Yeah. Do they spell Steve as S-T-E-P-H-E? Steve? Do they think that says Steve? Yeah.

That's a good question. People do go for the V when they shorten it. Well, they shouldn't. But you shouldn't be allowed to. If you were someone's parent and you'd name them Steve and PH and you saw them going for the V, you'd be like, hey, if I wanted you to be Steve, I would have called you Stephen with a V.

That's right. We vehemently did not want this to happen. I want to, Stephen Gavin, please, if you ever call yourself Steve, if you sign your name as Steve, please tell me if it's S-T-E-P-H-E because it should be. Yep. Yep.

Thank you, Stephen Gavin. Thank you, Stephen Gavin. I'm sorry for what I said about your name. I respect you and I thank you for what you've done for us. And there's been worse names. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a bit grumpy. There absolutely have been worse names. Yeah. Not by much, but. Yeah. Yeah, it's up there.. I don't know. Maybe I'm just a bit grumpy. There absolutely have been worse names.

Yeah. Not by much, but. Yeah. Yeah, it's up there. This is definitely up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, Stephen, it's interesting. Thanks, Steve.

Thanks, Steve. Steph. Thanks, Steve. Thanks, Steph Gaff. Thank you very much to Patreon subscriber Brianna Smythe. Brianna Smythe Brianna Smythe What about Gavin with a PH? Would that bother you?

Yeah Yeah I don't mind that Gaffin If you're going to go Shit Go full shit Yeah Gaffin Maybe turn it back around

Stephen with a V Gavin with a PH Stephen Gaffin Yeah No Stephen Gaffin I'd prefer Go Go

PH both of them Brianna Smythe Brianna Smythe Brianna Smythe As I live and breathe Finally It's gotten to you Brianna Brianna with two N's Same first name as my favourite porn star of all time

Who's that? Brianna Banks Okay Spelt slightly differently Yep Your favourite? Can't say I have one. Four.

Can't say I've ever really thought about what my ranking is. Yeah, I'm in the era of like porn just being, you know, just clips and shit online. Yeah. Like not, you know, not being really aware who's like front and centre. Not the Hollywood system. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, just indies for me. Yeah, right. Just everyone playing their part, playing a role. Yep. Yep. Not standing out. Yep their part, playing a role. Yep. Yep. Not standing out. Yep. Just part of the machine.

Yep. Complete anonymity. Yep. Just a hole. Yep. Chopped up into little low res two minute clips for, you know. Oh, fuck. What did you do with the other minute?

Boot leggers. Yeah. All right. What was that? Chopped up into two minute clips. I said, what did you do with the other minute. What was that? Jumped up into two-minute clips. I said, what did you do with the other minute? What's that mean? What's that about? You only lasted like one minute.

And so the other minute you won't really need. You think I last a minute? Well. That'd be nice. Wow, two minutes. What did you do with the other minute and 59 seconds? That's good. That's good. That's good.

Brianna Smythe, I found. Oh, wow. No, it's not. No? No, I don't think it's her. No, no, no. What I was going to say is I found someone. I got on their profile page and it looked like they got married at the same place I got married.

Oh, yeah. But then I had a good look at it and it's not. Right. It's not the same place. You just saw someone in a wedding dress and thought, wow, that's the same venue. That's the same dress. That's what I remember being able to see.

Why did she take my wife's dress? And why has that guy got my suit on? I remember there being like flowers and a bunch of people and someone in a dress. This must be the same place. Honey, they've ripped our thing. Now, do you remember at uh where i got married there were three different places where you could get married there were there was

a little chapel yep and then there was a big barn thing and then you could just get married outside yep like in the paddock yep and i voted for either the barn or the paddock. And the answer was the chapel. Yep. So that was my third choice, but I didn't really get a choice. Chapel was nice in the end. It was okay. Yeah.

But I just felt like, you know, considering where we were out in the middle of nowhere, leaning to that more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that chapel, that could have been anywhere. That could have been Berk Street. Well, I will say it was a bit of a shitty day in the end, wasn't it? It was. So outside would have been a bit of a nightmare.

You would have spent the whole day being like, oh, we're fucked here. Yeah. But then they'd have a contingency for that, sure. Well, the contingency was the chapel and the fucking barn. Yeah. Yeah. I quite like the barn. The barn sounds cool.

Yeah, the barn was quite cool. We didn't go in the – barn was just sealed off, right? Yes, we didn't go in the barn. Yeah, okay. Yeah. It was like very, very rustic. And by that, I mean a shitty balm. Yeah.

But no, it was a very overcast day and on the verge of raining and maybe it rained at some point. And I know we covered this at the time, but yeah, it just reminded me. The wedding photos came back and they're all overcast. Yeah. And I'm like, cool, can you just lighten them up? And they said no. And so then I got the photos and retouched them

so they were like a bit brighter with a bluer sky. And then the photographer was like, no, you're not allowed to do that. You can't change history. Yeah. You had an overcast wedding. If you care what the sky looks like that much, get married in fucking January. I'm sure I said this like ages ago,

but it's like what the fuck is wrong with someone? I was like, I just wanted to make it look like a slightly nicer day so that we don't have a photo album forever where it's like, what a shit day this was. Yeah. Just make it a little bit brighter. Yeah, but then where does it end? People are going to start having their weddings in a film studio in front of a green screen and just photoshopping themselves in fucking anywhere.

But that's what she was saying. She's like, oh, what, you want me to put other people in? I'm like, no. Yeah. Oh, you want me to photoshop an extra arm on someone? No. Just change the contrast a bit. Just, yeah, just a bit of blue in the sky, that's all.

Fuck. And she refused to do it. And part of the whole deal with the wedding photographer was you pay this much and you get the leather band album out of it. Yep. And she had to refund our money so that we could go and, you know. Take the raw. Take the stuff, retouch it ourselves and get it printed ourselves somewhere else. She refused to touch it.

At least you got the money back. Yeah. Well, you have to though. Yeah. Well, you have to though. Yeah. She couldn't say, no, I'm not doing that and I'm going to print out these photos that I know you think to be no good. I bet you there's horror stories where people go. Yeah. Yeah.

You signed a contract. I did all the work. I turned, da, da, da, you know. But it was like a backyard operator. Like we met this lady at her house and she's just out in the fucking burbs. She's just doing it from home. Yeah, right. How'd you get in touch with her? Like what the link fuck i don't even know no idea no memory of it right i think it was like pretty this reeks of

one of those things where your wife's like why did you fucking recommend her and you're like you recommend and then you realize like how did either of us end up finding this person i have no memory of how we found it. Yeah, I don't know. I think it might have been a friend of a friend recommendation. Yeah, sure. Okay. And I also think we left it reasonably late so that everyone else was booked up.

Right. So the same way we got our fucking minister dude. Oh, really? Well, you know that remember the minister dude coming out with a fucking menu? Coming out with a manila folder? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. He's come out and it's like, what the fuck's this guy on about? Yeah. It's like, you know why we picked him? Because he was the only one left. He was available. Yeah. Yeah.

So, but Brianna Smythe, how we got to that, I have no idea. Yeah, me either. Oh, no. got to that i have no idea uh yeah me either um oh no you you found someone you were looking her up and you found a profile of someone oh yes that's what you thought was at the same wedding venue yeah that could be that could still be her she's from she looks like she's from melbourne or something maybe it's a pretty unique name yeah um anyway whatever good on her well good if this is you brianna congratulations on the wedding at a place that vaguely looks something kind of close to where i got married yeah thanks brianna sort of yeah good on you brianna um all right let's just do one more sure i'm really tired because my wife

snored all night damn yeah it was bad she got up and said i'm so tired i'm like yeah you didn't sound it you sounded asleep yeah you sounded really asleep i remember documenting how asleep you sounded in my memory bank all fucking night yep oh my god didn't think to make a pivot to the couch. You know why? The two nights previously, I've been couch. Yeah. I'm like, that's it. I'm time for some bed.

Yep. That's it. I'm reclaiming my bed. Yep. I'm back in bed. Yep. And it was a mistake. Yeah.

Thank you to Patreon subscriber, Gavin Comedy. Hmm. See, I don't mind it as a first name in this context. All right, why? It kind of works nicely alongside comedy, don't you think? Okay, maybe. It's kind of a shit funny sounding name and then you've got comedy afterwards. Yeah, right.

I kind of would actually like to meet someone called Gavin Comedy actually. Yeah. This person who definitely signed up. Hey. I would like to actually meet him. I'd like to meet anyone with the surname Comedy. Yeah. In real life. Hey. I would like to actually meet him. I'd like to meet anyone with the surname comedy. Yeah. Well, this, man. In real life.

It's weird that we haven't met someone with a real first name comedy considering how many people subscribe to this show. It's weird that this family is so shy. They want to give us so much of their money, yet they've never come up to us at a live show to say hi. Just statistically. Yeah. You would think at some point we would have run into them. We get a lot of people that listen to the show come up on the street

or at live shows and say, hey, never met a comedy. If you were to listen to this show, you could be forgiven for thinking that the surname comedy is more common than Smith. Yes. That's the evidence that this show puts forward. Yeah. Yeah.

This is like – I would like to see the updated list. I haven't seen one of those lists where they say the most common surnames in the world, Smith and then Nyen or whatever, or the most popular first name is Muhammad or whatever. I mean, listening to this show, you'd have to think comedy would have to be updated. I'd be surprised if it's not top ten. It'd have to be. Yeah. I mean, surprised if it's not top 10. It'd have to be. Yeah. I mean, it's in the top five most weeks on this show.

Yeah. As far as we, in our admittedly limited sample size, but just in our world every week, it accounts for one fifth of all names that exist. But look, there's a lot of people in China. There's a lot of people in India. Sure. But they have comedy. We don't have-

They have comedy in those places. It's not a surname in those places though so you know i didn't know it was a surname here until i started doing this yeah so it might be over there you know there might be an indian podcast riffing on this very thing right now right have you said that all the the info that we get it doesn't say where these people are from. So Gavin Comedy, I mean, look, I might be being very short-sighted by saying it's not a Chinese name. Exactly. But it might be the most popular Chinese name. 100%.

Gavin Comedy might be the most- It could be the John Smith of China. Yeah, it could be. Gavin Comedy. You're right. You're right. I take it all back. Well, this is how we learn.

Yeah. I would love to know. If you're from China and you have the last name Comedy, if this whole family's from Comedy. Yeah. If this whole family's from fucking China. Well, just email gavincomedyinfo at gmail.com. Okay.

From before. From before. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting the show. And we will see you next time. See you, mates.