The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - 726 - Cameron James & Bron Lewis

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

This week we're joined by CAMERON JAMES and BRON LEWIS! Tommy's reading from his dream diary, Bron's been in trouble with a teacher, Cameron's been in trouble with celebrities, Karl's potentially uncovered some dark truths about his time living in London PLUS there's pranks after gigs in Canberra and disturbing on-stage acts! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today on the Little Dumb Dumb Club, a brand new episode with guests Cameron James and Bron Lewis. No talking Dumb Dumb this week. It is on hiatus, so I will just tell you up the top of the show, November the 23rd, we are going to be at Perth Oasis Comedy Club. Great guests confirmed for that one. littledumbdumbclub.com for the tickets. Come and see us if you're over there. While you're at the website, you can also get onto the Patreon and support the show. You get two bonus mini episodes every week. There's video content on there from when we were in Thailand. There's hundreds and hundreds of episodes in the backlog.

So get on and support the show. And also go and see Bron and Cameron in their live taping, October 11th, in Melbourne. That is it. Enjoy this new episode with Bron Lewis and Cameron James. Hey, mates. Welcome once again into the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us.

My name is Tommy Daslow. With me as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day, Dugan. And joining us today, two very special guests daslow with me as always the other half of the program carl chandler and joining us today two very special guests please welcome back onto the show cameron james and brock lewis so exciting to be here with you guys is it really yeah what's your favorite bit so far my favorite bit has just been like soaking up the vibes, man. Yeah. The fucking comedy vibes. Was it being called gay heaps? Yeah, it's been called gay, calling other people gay, riffing about the NDIS for a bit. Oh, God, how are we going to get out of this one?

And then Dad left. I'm sorry, Tony, but who are these two people I've just walked in? Well, guys, look, sorry to kick it off this way with one of the most boring topics imaginable, but I thought you might enjoy this. Do you guys want to hear about a dream I had last night? Yes, I do. Just to confirm, you're going to tell us about something

that didn't happen, but you thought about. Yeah. Okay, great. Take it away. I wasn't in control of the thinking about it. Okay. First question. Whose brain was in your head doing the streaming? I ask myself that every day. Wet or dry? Dry.

Dry dream. Dry at time of recording. Thinking about it more down the line might kind of be worse. You know what? I never thought to compare dreams and dog food in that way. But yeah, they are similar in that way. They're beautiful. Sometimes you have a dry dream, but it's like a long delayed dream.

It was a kibble dream. Now, keep in mind that question when I tell you that this is what the dream was. Here we go. I dreamt that I threw a party and the only people to turn up were my mum and Hannah Gadsby. So, definitely not dry. Holy shit. That is amazing. Douglas herself.

More than happy to devote the whole hour to this. What do you think's going on up there to cause this one? Well, it's very flirty. That's crazy. Hang on, is your mum's name Nanette? Is that something? That might be the connection there, that your mum is named Nanette. Was it a fun party?

I locked myself in the bathroom because I was so embarrassed. Right. Oh, in front of them? Yeah, yeah, the bathroom because I was so embarrassed. Right. In front of them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just let them. They can kind of figure it out amongst themselves. Pretty good get to have a gasp show up. That's great.

I was like, how's this person shown up? And no one else followed up on my invite. Also, who were you locking yourself in the bathroom from? The shame. Just the shame of it all. Was Hannah going to be bashing down the doors, the shining style, going, here's Tommy. I need to riff with you, Tommy. Get me back on the pod.

I'll do anything. Has Hannah ever been on the pod before? Oh, yeah. Oh, great. Before Meteoric Success, back when she was in the similar gutter to what, actually, she was still above what we were in. Okay, great, great, great. A gutter above your gutter.

Wondering if the email is ever going to come through someday. Boys, can you just delete those old episodes? I'm trying to scrub my entire pre-Netflix history. Has that ever happened? I had a bit of a problematic past. I used to podcast with Tommy and Carl, two bona fide fuckheads. Has anyone ever asked for an episode to be deleted? No.

I don't think so. No. Not yet. I have asked for an episode to be deleted on someone else's podcast. Same. Oh, really? Same. What was your one?

Oh, I had to – it was Shitting With The Door Open with Harley Breen and Wade Duffin and that's because the job that I was in, they threatened to fire me if I didn't get it deleted. Oh, what was the person you sued? They wanted to hear from a teacher. I was like on my way out and they just asked me heaps of questions about what it was like to be a teacher and I gave them very honest responses and there was a fuckhead called Travis that I used to work with.

He had really massive, what are these called? Sideburns. Sideburns. Oh, and he had a goatee and a with. He had really massive, what are these called? Side burns? Side burns. Oh, and he had a goatee and a ponytail. He sounds fucking hot, dude. And he did swords. He did the sorting stuff. And he dressed up as a knight.

Oh, he was such a loser. So he's LARPing? Yeah. Is that what it's called? Yeah, live action role play. LARPing. LARPing. And then he invented a –

I can see why they use that term. It's very cool. And then he came up with a subject at the school that the school let him do, which was – it was called Swords. Hang on. It was a subject called Swords. I didn't know you could do that. This is the part of teaching I didn't know existed.

You can just spit balls some ideas for new subjects. And also dangerous weapons at school. They were just foam, but the sword bit was grey foam, so you could tell which was the sharp bit. I'm going to pitch podcasting as a Unit 3, 4 subject. Yeah, it would absolutely be there. Who wants to do Year 7 open mic? It gets marked down 100 points.

Yeah, so he just decided, he hated me so much, mostly because I talked about him the same tone as I'm talking about him now. And then he listened to the podcast and then took it to the principal. It was like she calls a kid a cunt. That's not a very chivalrous, knight-like behavior. I know. I was a damsel. You should have slapped him with a glove

I know I was a damsel in distress He's a sniveling little worm I know I hate him How is Sir being a cunt a lot going these days? He's still there I hate him so much He's the worst

So wait he Did he How did he discover it? Was he an existing listener of Shitting With The Door Open? No way He would have like Would have found it on my Did you share it on socials or something?

Oh yeah I would have He would have been like I'm going to get this bitch. Yeah. And then he took it to the principal and then he – he was always dobbing on me and he dobbed on me and then the principal called me and said, you need to come to my office with a support person, which you always know that's not good.

The only person who really needs a support person is Nick Capper. And so I turned up. So I went to... Get him, get him. Thank you for saying that before Tommy finished. That's okay. My mum and Hannah Gadsby hear about this. While we're sharing a bowl of cheesels.

In your bathroom. Spin the bottle. That's very funny. Please, Hannah Gadsby, Please, Hannah Gatsby. Please, Hannah Gatsby. Mum again. Oh, no. Why won't I wake up?

And his mum's like, hang on, Tommy's waited this bottle. What's going on here? What's this magnet doing in here? Wake up! Get me out of here! No, Hannah, I don't want to play Seven Minutes of Heaven yet. Please wake up! Get me out of here! No, Hannah, I don't want to play Seven Minutes of Heaven yet. Please wake up. Oh, that dream sparked.

But yeah, I had to go to the office and she said, you've spoken so badly about this school. You need to take this down right now. That's so funny. And then I told Wade and Harley. You're still getting called to the office and you work there. Yeah, never end. That's what I love about teachers. And then I told Wade and Harley. You're still getting called to the office and you work there. Yeah. Never end.

That's what I love about teachers. My whole family are teachers and they become students in a way. Was this high school? High school, yeah. Yeah, my mum's a high school and my auntie and stuff are too. And they behave like teenagers because they're around teenagers all day and it rubs off. It's like showbiz.

I remember my mates being in showbiz like i remember like you know i remember my mates being in showbiz and they were like yeah it keeps you young because you're just dealing with the new generation all the time you're dealing with new 20 year olds are getting into music and stuff like that and then you just act like them so i think same as school every time there's yeah there's more you sevens cool okay i guess we're chris lillian it up yeah right because yeah you got dobbed on yeah I got dobbed on and then I got dobbed on

and then I had to contact Wade and Harley and Harley was like oh it's fine leave it up but I think but then Wade who's so nice

he's a homeschool type guy he doesn't understand but they took it down and also the politics of a real school and the threat of like I might lose my job. Harley's like, that's fine. Hang on, what's a job?

Not a horse in the race at all. That's fine. But every single episode, they took it down, but every single episode after that, they referred back to my episode every time. Have you guys listened to the Bron Lewis episode? If you haven't listened to it, go back and then listen to it. And it just doesn't exist.

It doesn't exist. But then they'd be like, Travis seems like a cool guy. So, like, Travis, who thought he won, is just like the butt of the joke forever. And he deserves to be. He's tuning in every week still. Yeah, he would be. I always imagine he's in, like, the audience somewhere. Do you think he'll ever pop up with a white glove and just slap you in the face?

I hope so. And you have a jewel on your hands. I'd bash him so bad. And then what was the one you got? You had to take down. Mine was, and I've talked about it briefly on this show before, I talked a lot about Shane Jacobson on Will Anderson's podcast. Oh, yes, that's right.

And then got in trouble for that. By who? His manager. Shane Jacobson. Oh, he contacted you and said hi. Oh, yeah. He rang me up. He got on the Dunny phone and rang.

This rings a bell to me. This rings a bell to me. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble and I learnt my lesson. And I've never talked about it again except for on this show and whenever anyone asks me in person. I tweet about it every week. Isn't there something beautiful about these moments that you had to, you know, at the time, you had to scrub from the record,

get rid of all evidence of them, and now you're free enough to just go, this happened, and this cunt did it. It's a good lesson. It screwed up Cam's audition for Dunny number two in Kenny 2. Son of Kenny. I was auditioning for that role. Son of Kenny. I think I saw for that role. Son of Kenny.

I think I saw you, like, not long after this had happened, and you were still, as you were telling me, you were still visibly rattled by it. I was pretty rattled. Like a toilet man getting on the blower and launching an absolute spray. Like Australia's dad, basically. Just yelling, calling me a cunt.

Did he say, take it down? No, he just was like, you're an asshole. And you said, I can take it down if you would like. Yeah, I just... Didn't even offer. He didn't ask, but it was implied that I should do that. He probably didn't know what a podcast was, and he's like, oh, it's like the radio, it's gone.

It's out there now. You can't take it down. Yeah. He sees the first two letters. He thinks it's going to spell poo. He's like, all right, this is in my wheelhouse. I'm getting excited. I would give everything I own to hear a recording of that phone call.

Oh, my God. Because I reckon you folded like a house. Oh, yeah, of course. Of course. Absolutely. Of course. I love this audio. I'll take it down.

Of course I did. As if you wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. You're very funny and you're a good man, but you're a people pleaser. And the difference in phone conversation between me and you in this situation, I think would be extreme. Do you know what? I think I've become less people pleasy since that incident.

Oh, really? Yeah. How long ago was it? Years ago. Like two years ago. Okay. And it was a real moment in my life where I thought, I never want to be sitting on a phone call for half an hour getting yelled at again.

Yeah. As a grown man. Like, I just can't let this happen again. Yeah. I need to nip it in the bud. I love those interactions too where you feel like the right thing to do is really just be the most snivelling little cunt on the phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eat humble pie.

And then down the line you go like, nothing is different for me having, like me, you know, like kowtowing to them didn't improve my life in any way. Yeah. And in fact, if I had have just like really gone back and go like, how dare you talk to me like that? You know what I mean?

You just play over that interaction. Yeah, of course. Why did I let myself get trampled over in that moment? I am. Or just hang up that interaction. Yeah, of course. Why did I let myself get trampled over in that moment? I am. Or just hang up. I am nearly exactly the opposite. Like I've had to learn, oh, maybe if you don't go back at someone and call them a cunt,

you can keep your job. Well, I mean, I think what we're working at is that there's a middle ground here. Yes. An ideal middle ground. Let's all meet up next time anything bad happens to any of us. Let's all meet up and work it out. Yeah. Who's got the best approach?

Not Carl, not Cam. But had you in that moment have gone, hey, Shane, honestly, I think you'd better chill out here. Like, you're being a little bit, you know, it's pretty inappropriate to call me like this. I dare say that everything in your life right now would be exactly the same. I think you're probably right. Zero difference.

And also, what I remember is, didn't he do a bit of like, you'll never work in this town again sort of thing? There was a bit of that. No, he didn't. And the job that you had was on the roast that he produced. Yes. But you weren't working directly for him. You were working for one of the performers.

So he wasn't employing you. And for him to go, you'll never work in this town again, then one year later you were doing the exact same job for the same production. I did work on the same job. But again, without him knowing. Proving exactly what you were saying before, the job for the same production i did work on the same job but again without him proving exactly what you were saying before the cogs turning of like hang on he doesn't directly employ me i'm being employed by someone else so i can tell him to go get fucked yeah yeah there's a bit of that but since then so this happened in newcastle about a month ago a friend a guy who knows my mum who is another teacher okay this is all teacher shit came up to

me at the pub and i'd just done a gig and he was at the gig and he was really drunk and he was talking to me with that teacher tone he's an older guy like probably in his 60s or something and he was going oh yep i know your mum he was kind of being a bit you know teachery and authoritative and again like just for context, everyone in my family is a teacher. All my uncles, all my aunties, my cousins. Happens, doesn't it? Yeah.

And now you, you're a teacher of comedy. And now I'm a comedy teacher. Yeah, thanks for letting us learn. So he was like, he started asking for me to get a photo with him so he could send it to my mum. And I was hanging with my friends and I was like, yeah, I'll come over in a second. Did he make you hold one of those little boards

that said class three, four? He kept going like, class of bull of mouth. Come and get a photo now. Come on. Hey. And he was like, hey, we're getting a photo now. And he had his finger pointed at me. We're getting a photo now.

I'm going to send it to your mum. You don't have a movie about toilets. You can't tell me off. I'm not in trouble. But I kind of like, this is me learning from Shane because I went back at him. I couldn't handle it. What did you say? I was like, I'm not one of your fucking students.

Don't talk to me like I'm 13 years old. I'll come over and get a photo with you when I'm done here with my mates. And he started having a go back at me. And I was going, don't. I was saying, I said to him, I can't. I don't give a fuck. You're not my teacher. And he said, I'll tell your mum that you're talking to my teacher.

And I was like, I'm nearly 40. I'm 36 years old. I don't give a fuck what my mum thinks. Hey, if you're going to talk to me like one of your students, at least molest me as well. Boom. And then I was like, your mum's waiting at home with Hannah Gadsby waiting for a photo of you.

Just imagine your mum getting that text. I tried to get a photo with Cameron and he wouldn't do it. He was a bit rude. His wife came and dragged him away. And then I ended up messaging my mum the next day and I was like, hey, some guy. Get in front of the story. Yeah, some guy was being, and she went, oh, yeah, that guy.

Yeah, don't worry about it. Who cares? I'm like, yeah. So it felt good. I bet he's the Travis of her school. about it. Who cares? I'm like, yeah. So, it felt good. I bet he's the Travis of her school. Yeah. Is it Travis? I bet it's Travis.

It triggered something. Like, the way he was talking is that I always hated it even when I was in school because it was just like the way my family would talk to me, that sort of authoritarian tone. And it just fucking triggered something. I was like, I can't handle this. No, I get you. I feel like I'm a kid again and I hate it. Yeah.

Because when you leave, when you finish finish school there's like a part of you naively you don't know how the world works yet but you think thank god i never have to be in interactions like that ever again yes i'm never going to be talked to like that again for the rest of my life i'm free and then like within a month so i'm like some manager at your first job gives you the right act and you're like oh oh, this never ends. Every three years I have like a moment where I go black behind the eyes because someone is talking to me like they're a cop or a teacher and I just like feel the rage. Yeah.

It's horrible. I'm doing my first thing with a kid. A blanket complains about school and I have to go, enjoy this. It gets way worse. Or do you have to finger paint for an extra five minutes? Sorry, suck it up. Like it gets, if you're doing, you end up doing what I'm doing,

it's so much worse. Everyone tells you that and you just, you can't like even being like, God, school, God, the school day fucking never ends. You're not out of here until 3.30. And I remember like my parents saying like, you will be, you'll come to a point in your life where you're begging

for a 330 let off you're like as if my kids like we only have one icy pole day a week at school this sucks

nah school does suck I remember school sucked so bad because you do have to do like crap subjects all the time and you don't get paid for it

you're with your mates all the time you don't get paid for it like at the end of the week you're like what for what was that for at least if you have a shit job you're like oh. At the end of the week, you're like, what for? What was that for? At least if you have a shit job, you're like, oh, there's $500 in the bank at the end.

That's great. You're in mass going, two plus two equals four. Fuck, I did that for nothing? For nothing. What a waste of time. What good was that for? What was that for? Sending an invoice to your teacher.

Yeah, good. Do I get to live in lieu for this one? Yeah, a shit job, there's always some kickback. But education, especially in the time, like you're like, I will never use this. And honestly, you never will. Like you never do. What do you reckon percentage of stuff you learn at school you'll never use?

Oh, 90, 60. Oh, man, the fucking alphabet was pretty helpful, I reckon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can learn that without school. That language we're speaking right now, you know, I'm a big rep for that. Most of that was from school.

Yeah, most of that was pretty good, I thought. That's the big one. Yeah. Learning how to speak. Did your mum or Nanette not teach you how to do that? I was raised by Nanette. There we go. I was raised by Nanette. There we go.

I was raised by a character from a stand-up special. Son of Nanette. Do you guys want to hear what ChatGPT thinks that that dream might mean? Yes, of course. Try to find a dream analysis online. Oh, great. I would have gone to a professional, but that happened overnight, so I didn't have time to chase it up with an actual human.

So I had to go to AI. No, I think this is a way better result. Yeah. What are you talking about? I feel bad that you told this to three actual viewers already. Dreams often mix personal relationships and external influences in unusual ways. In your dream, the presence of your mother might symbolise a desire for support or a return to familiar comfort.

Sure. Hannah Gadsby, known for her unique and introspective comedy, could represent a need for humour, perspective or self-reflection in your life. The combination of these two figures might suggest you're seeking balance between personal comfort and personal growth or trying to find a way to blend different aspects of your life. Okay.

Yeah, it's pretty self-explanatory. AI's not that smart. I probably would have come to that same conclusion. It's on me. I should have put at the end, dot, dot, dot, and please make it funny. self-explanatory. AI's not that smart. I probably would have come to that same conclusion. It's on me. I should have put at the end, dot, dot, dot, and please make it funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never get dreams the way that it's like, oh, yeah, this means this and this. Hang on, I'm not that smart.

How come Marty Scorsese was in my brain when I was asleep? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making up fucking allegories and metaphors and stuff that I can't even conjure up when I'm fucking awake. Alive. Yeah. Call him Marty. Someone's on very familiar terms with the great man. Why not Steve Spielberg?

Yeah, Stevie. Stevie. A mate of ours who I don't want to name on the show, but a comedian that we know told me about a dream he had about his girlfriend recently. Great. That narrows it down. He goes, I'll say afterwards, but he goes,

I don't know what this dream means. It's really weird. I had this dream last night that I was laying on my bed on my back and I couldn't move and there was a cat laying on my chest and it had my girlfriend's face. And every time I tried to get up, it said, you're not going anywhere. Hell yeah.

Well, that's pretty selfish, Hannah Tree. What? Yeah. That's why I didn't want to go to a professional about that. Because any time your mum factors into a dream, you're like, well, this isn't going to be good. You want to fuck your mum. They're all best at saying it.

Yeah. Yeah. Every psychologist, every day, they're like, I hope I get to tell someone they want to fuck their mum today. And I will. It's like, oh, yeah, I've got nothing for Hannah, but I know what I've got for your mum. Yeah, I have a friend who had a –

he was with his, at the time, current girlfriend. They were asleep in bed together. And he was having a dream about an ex that had been like a really, really bad relationship. And then he started talking in his sleep and he goes, God, just get out of my life and his current girlfriend asleep next to him in bed is still awake and

hears this and then the next day he's just like what the fuck was going on last night and he's like having to go no no it's actually fine I was just dreaming about my ex and she's like oh that makes me feel better I didn't say get into my life what are you worried about? I'm just saying she lives in my dreams forever I always think about her as soon as I close my eyes it into my life What are you worried about? I'm just saying she lives in my dreams forever

Yeah, I always think about her As soon as I close my eyes it's her I see Not you You've never been in one of my dreams Why is it all wet over here? Oh, that's from an unrelated dream It's piss That's piss

That's hate juice That comes out of me because I don't like her I was sweating thinking about how much I dislike her Whenever I really hate someone I I fucking blow my load. It's crazy. It's crazy. So this person genuinely rolled this out in a way that was like, what could it mean?

And there was a few of us there and we're all like, mate, what do you think it means? It's the most transparent dream I've ever heard in my life. I mean, I would be like, If this person hasn't figured it out I can't be the one to I can't be the one to break this Exactly You can't

You gotta let them know You gotta let your mates know When they have a dream about a girlfriend cat Deep unhappiness with the life that they've chosen for themselves Oh my god Hey I went to a gig last night Cam you're a musician Yeah I am I love it I went to a gig last night. Cam, you're a musician. Yeah, I am.

I love it. I love it. I went with a friend of mine and we turned up security out the front of the venue and like four security guards and they go, can we just see some IDs? And my friend gets her ID out, shows the bouncer. Like I've got my wallet out. I'm like basically got the ID out.

He looks at my friend's ID and then he looks at me and he goes, no, you're right. I'm like, man, it's already in my hands. Just look at it. Fucking just humour me. Yeah, just even go, oh, yeah, like glance at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just it's already there.

You're not saving me any time. Does she look particularly young? No, she's a bastard up all the time. Yeah, quite, quite. So it's just really nasty. It's just bullying you. Her name's Annette. She's like, she's not under anything. Yeah, that's me. It's his mum was just bullying you. Her name's Annette. She's not on anything.

It's his mum. He went on a date with his mum. Do you get offended by that? Does that offend you? Didn't offend me. It was more just the social politics thing of like, it's in my hand. Just do me the favour. Just pretend.

But so I was at this gig and it was like my friend got free tickets to it through her work with someone who i'd never heard of before did not know a single thing about this act until they walked on stage which felt just electric just being like i have and this could be any any genre of music any gender of person i have no idea and it was cool it was like pretty young crowd just made me think of like going to gigs when you're a kid and yeah you fit like a lot of people they're clearly having their first concert experience and it reminded me of when there was this band in melbourne that i used to go and see when i was like 18 19 and i thought they were great and i remember getting their cd once at

the merch desk and this is in the era where like back of the cd case it had like the phone number and email address of the singer. You know, like a band would sell their CDs and just have their fucking personal information on the back of it. Yeah, why on earth? I remember thinking this band was so cool and then getting the CD and the singer's email address being on there.

And his email address was his name at fergusonplayer.com. Yes. The bakery. I was just being like, this guy's just, something like the combination of being like, this is so sad. Yeah.

He just put his work eating on there and he works at a fucking bakery. Like, just the combination of this cool guy. Not even a cool bakery either. Yeah, the worst one. Just like watching him up there and being like, you know, anyone who's like a bit older than you and like, you know, doing like an artistic pursuit. You just assume it's their full-time job and then it's like of course just imagining him getting up hung over the next morning and just like fucking making some cross buns or whatever i am never listening to this band again

some comedians when they say like oh uh and they mention their job um and you can see like the audience being like oh i thought this was your job what the hell but then i remember going to see a comedy show once in Melbourne. I won't say who the comedian was, but they said, oh, my boss. And they had a joke about, oh, my boss was rude to me. And everyone laughed. And then they said, just to be clear, I don't have a boss. This is my job.

I make enough money from this. And I was like waiting for a joke at the end of it. But there was no joke it was just a explanation that they have made it that's great then don't do the fucking boss joke cut it cut the boss joke

you fucking liar you're a fucking liar you should have said that so many names that we have to follow up on it was Shane Jacobson oh sure yeah that makes sense hey can we delete this episode? Well, we went to a show last night, Cam. You were on at a show that I was writing last night.

Yes, that was fun. That was a fun one. It was a nice little... Oh, yes. And Mooney Ponds? Yes. Mooney Ponds. It was good.

Hellier. Yeah, it was nice. Yeah, great. Hellier, Monty Franklin, Sonia Di Iorio. Good vibes. Beautiful. Yes. And you, it was a nice little mix of my professional and private life.

Some of my Marabara friends came along. Yes. I met two of the crew. Yeah. Two of the Chandler. Cool showbiz artifice comes tumbling down in front of you and you see the real man underneath. Are you going to tell them what your mate Pikey was saying all night?

Fucking hell. What he spent like an hour talking about? Yeah, well, I was going to say, I was going to let you have first go because I was going in and out of conversations where I could hear, you know, both of them say to you at some point, yeah, listen to this about fucking Chandler. So this is what he fucking did. I'm like, oh, this will be good.

Nothing worse than hearing a snippet of like conversation of you being talked about when you're not in the conversation. Like, for example, you've locked yourself in a bathroom and you can hear your mum telling Hannah Gadsby things about your childhood. So last night it was just both of us. They clearly had some refreshments before the show and they just come in fucking red, absolutely red hot.

Very chivalrous of you to say that yeah it's like shirley temples or something 1923 they were like red hot and for some like we got into the the whole thing of like so this is two mates that i we went to england together and we we lived in england together and we had this weird intense three months where we lived in this tiny little house with only one bedroom and the guy that got us the house, he was the link to the house, so he got the bedroom and then me and the other guy just slept on the floor in the lounge room for three months.

Oh, my God. And we were also working night shifts, so we were sleeping on the carpet, on the floor every day for three months And we were just going fucking insane. Because also, over the year, you've got to have a TV license. And they didn't have a license, so we weren't allowed to watch TV. Hang on a second. What? Yes.

Do you not know this? Yes. See, this blows me away. When you go, we weren't allowed to watch TV. Now, to be clear, if you turn the TV on, it does work, right? Yes. Insane. Insane that people live their lives like this.

What do you mean? You have to pay a license to the BBC or whatever it is, and they go around, and this sounds insane. I've always heard about the BBC license, but I didn't realize it. I assumed it was just like how we pay for the ABC here. No, so it's like being on a fucking tram in Melbourne. Exactly.

You can get on without a ticket. Yeah, you can do it, but if they catch you, you're in fucking trouble. How do they catch you? They drive around with a van. They drive around with a van and detect if you've got the fucking TV on or something. Now, English listeners will tell us about this, but if you get done, you're fucking... Everything we've gotten factually wrong.

That is insane. Yeah. So we weren't allowed... The old bill comes and takes you down to Her Majesty's court. You know what would be good? If they had a show on the TV that if you get caught watching TV without the licence, you get put on that show. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's good.

It's sort of like Takeshi's Castle or whatever where you just get dunked into slime and shit. And you tune in and get to watch all the people who didn't have their little licence in it. Not so clever now, are you? Yeah. No, it's border security, but for people who got caught watching Match of the Day.

Yeah. British people love class, don't they? They love shaming poor people. It's their favourite. The way that we hate the tram inspectors and parking inspectors, just like the people see them in the street and just like, you suck. The TV bobbies.

Yeah, do you think people have that about the TV inspectors? Just see them in the street like, you should be ashamed of yourself, mate. Just let him watch. What do you do for a living? I'm a TV bobby, mate. Yeah. But also like, turn it off. You know, like the get all full mum vote, mate. Just let him watch. What do you do for a living? I'm a TV bobby, mate. Yeah. But also like, turn it off.

You know, like the get awful mum vote. Turn it off. Put it on the radio. Turn it off right now. Turn it off. Yeah, people are throwing eggs at the fucking van going by.

Yeah. Let my kid watch Postman. Pat, you can't. Were you ever tempted to just like, look, let's just, we'll just switch it on for a couple.

Yeah. You keep watch out the window. Yeah. 5-0, five-oh. I reckon we could get away ten minutes of Blackadder before they turn up. What do you who? Man, it was like... Yellow tops.

It was like, big brother, we were losing our minds because we were in this tiny little fucking house. They had a car and, again, we weren't allowed to use the car and my mate was just in charge of everything because it was through his mum's friend. And he was petrified of us getting caught or getting in trouble. We couldn't use the TV. We couldn't use the car.

We're in this tiny fuck-ass town with like one pub in it. And we were just stuck inside this house. And the only time we left the house was to go into town to work at this fucking factory. What kind of factory? What kind of factory? It made satellite TV fucking cars. The irony. The irony.

Oh, I'm so sad. Water everywhere, but water everywhere. Don't worry, we tried. We tried. To be in the break room? Yes. Oh, thank God. No, but that's what we did.

We would get the bus in. There was one bus that would come out of this town, into the main town, and we'd sit in the pub room? Yes. Oh, thank God. No, but that's what we did. We would get the bus in. There was one bus that would come out of this town, into the main town, and we'd sit in the pub for like five hours, watch TV, and get pissed, and then go to work. And we did it every day.

So good. Having the TV in the house, but not the, like, get rid of the TV. That's great. And it was so depressing, because we worked at, we were at this horrible night shift job,

and we were making less money than we were earning. And we weren't paying rent. Right. It was fucking insane. But we were going to the pub every night. So what are you doing? You've got to watch Ready Steady Cook somewhere. Yeah.

And they're getting on a double-decker bus at 5.30 a.m. to go home, just in broad daylight. Jeez. And then like, anyway, time for bed as the roosters are cocking cockatoo to him. The worst time ever. So you did that with Pikey? Yes. You did that with Pikey?

Yes. And does he have a telly now? So this is what happened last night. Look how far he's come. We were talking about all that sort of stuff last night. That's kind of all you guys are talking about. Every time I joined the conversation, Pikey would grab me and go, so check this out.

20 years ago, we were in England. And he'd start a story. You're in a pub and the TV's off and you're like, that really takes you back, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it was all about that. All I wanted to talk about was all these stupid things.

It means something to us. But they're coming into a camp and going, oh, and this one time we went in and had a fanta and we were like, what's the fucking deal with this? And he's like, oh, cool. Okay, that's great. He did tell me about hooking up with a chick, though, which I love. I love a guy reminiscing about a rude that he had 20 years ago.

Wait, did he have a... You should have seen her. No, this was actually the story, which was quite funny, because I have no recollection of this. So we found this pub and we'd never had a lock-in. You know what a lock-in is, right? And we went over there. They had the license.

Again, they're fucking hiding from the fucking laws over there again they had the license public till yeah it was licensed till 12 and we got locked into this pub

and we're there till 5 like going oh wow we're drinking illegally this is awesome so anyway my mate he picks up this girl

and he goes to her he brings her home and he goes you know why I chose you oh every all the girls oh you're getting wet right now oh my god okay and he brings her home and he goes, you know why I chose you? All the girls. Are you getting wet right now? Oh my God, okay.

It's a horny thing to hear. The sultan. Kill the tongue devil. He goes, I've been in England a month. All the girls have fucked teeth in this country. Everyone's got fucked teeth. You've got the best teeth I've ever seen in England. She goes, these ones, I'd pull them out. Yeah. Hell yeah. Sucked in. Hell yeah. fucked teeth. You've got the best teeth I've ever seen in England. She goes, these ones, and pulls them out.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Sucked in. Hell yeah. False teeth. That's very good. Couple of fakies. Yeah.

He goes, everything else is real, though. Everything else. Just in case you were wondering. Oh, thanks, man. Was she a robot? Just in case you were wondering. Yeah. But so the worst thing about

it was he was and because he'd fucking been drinking so much or whatever the fuck he was doing he's telling all these old stories

and then he just clicked into overdrive and then it just became for the rest of the night everything we ever said about then and then in the

future and anything we fucking talked about all he wanted to do was with a straight face saying that over there when we're really living all that life

in three months in England and we're having this hard time he'd go well it was all you know i know you had a particularly hard time because you boys when you'd go to sleep i would drug you and i would have sex with you and that's and then we're like what are you talking about and then he just kept it up for two and a half hours and that's the only thing well that's how long you wouldn't have to keep it a guy just decides this is going to be my riff for the night now. Oh, wow, and he wouldn't let it go. Like a dog with a bone.

He was telling it to Pete Hellyer. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's it. It got to the end of the night, and Pete was the headliner, so we went down for a beer, and Pete says, oh, yeah, how do you know these boys? And Pikey's like, oh, yeah, I'd have sex with them.

Oh, he used to write songs. Oh, my God. Pikey's not the He's strawny! Elliot's like, yeah, right, okay. And what about you? He turns to the next guy. How do you know him?

Same deal. Yeah, same thing again. I'm excited this is you on. It was the most frustrated and upset I think I've ever been. I was just like, shut, yeah, he broke me. It was non-stop.

There was no nose-to-nose wing-wing. There was no laughs. There was no anything. It was just like, I'm just like, just like, shut, yeah, he broke me. It was nonstop. There was no nudge, nudge, wink, wink. There was no laughs. There was no anything. It was just like, shut up about it. And he goes, well, you never said that back then because you were asleep. So, you know, just all. Just nonstop. He would not fucking shut up.

And you don't get to be mad. I mean, he's not saying you're the rapist. He's throwing himself in front of the train. What a guy. If he wants to, that's his prerogative. Daniel Day-Lewis would have been proud of the commitment to the fucking beer because he did nothing but fucking talk about it. And I'm like screaming at him, stop talking about this.

Stop it. He goes, I understand why you're upset. I did a lot of bad things. But that's why I'm bringing it up now. Imagine this really did happen and he's like, it's time to finally come to life. Kyle's taking this really well. He hadn't had a thing to drink. He's gone home.

He's like, oh, my God, it feels so good to be on that off my top. Man, honestly, the next table heard this guy saying nonstop to me, I had sex with you 20 years ago and I want to come clean about it. And me going, shut up, shut up, shut up. It's like, man, this guy's in a lot of denial. He doesn't want to deal with it. It feels so good to have confessed. I'll sleep easy tonight.

Mom had a Gatsby. What are you doing here? Oh, man. It was just a real great moment considering I'd sort of said to Cam and Pete, like, oh, this is my Maryborough boys. And just like, yeah, yeah, I fucked him. I fucked him. Does he live near this gig?

No. One of the guys does. Okay, right. I was going to say. Do they come to your gigs often? No. Never again. By the way, they also didn't watch the gig.

Let's be clear, they didn't watch one second of the gig. What? Well, you can't tell me that you fucked me in my sleep in the middle of a gig. You have to take it out to the bar. Okay. All right, yeah. I didn't realise the rules around this. Yeah, yeah. You can't interrupt the talent. I forgot the rules for that game. All yeah all right guys we're about to start the show but some house rules before the phone's off

yeah don't talk during the show and especially if you've got to tell me that you drugged me and flushed me 30 years ago if you've got any sex confessions about whooping green in england 25 years ago take it out of the comedy oh man yeah it does sound like the more I'm hearing about this it does

it's starting to really sound like a genuine confession man I think that's what I was getting upset about like fucking

hour three where I was like he's so committed to this did this happen yeah I'm starting to question what was

going on did I work night shift or was I just asleep all day for other reasons TV license that can't be real that's not real I must have dreamt that Night shift or was I just asleep all day for other reasons? TV license, that can't be real. That's not real.

I must have dreamt that. A little Pikey story. By the end he's like, by the way, we didn't even go to England. Oh, gosh. Shut up. Pikey's insane. Pikey's a dangerous man. Yeah, it was sinister shit. Yeah, it was sinister.

It was getting scary. It was really weird. Every time I remember the tv license exists i just get fixated on it why is there no like why don't we hear more about it it's like something that you kind of find out by accident over here i just learned about it now yeah is it still happening or is that well it's like the abc except you know the old thing of we pay 11 cents a day or whatever it is they don't do that and then they separate that from the tax it's like an extra thing that you have to

it's like the power or the gas or whatever right so it's kind of like you can't drive on the roads if you don't pay for like for them to get built so this is like you can't watch the show

if you don't pay for it yeah it's going through a toll without having an e-tag yeah yeah yeah so they've just gone instead of just like everyone can have it

and everyone has to pay 11 cents it's like having Netflix on everyone's TV now and you still have to sign up subscription, but you don't really have to. You can just watch it if you want. Okay. They're listening.

It's like if Netflix was the honour system. It's like, hey, have you got an account? Yeah. All right, well. A little tip jar on top of the TV. You've got to push. Shake and fuck it. Does it still happen?

We don't know. We don't know if it still happens. I would assume it does. It's got to be. Shake and fuck it. Does it still happen? We don't know. We don't know if it still happens. I would assume it does. It's got to be in a different way. In the last 30 years, there's got to be a better way than someone driving around in a van with a fucking radar on the roof detecting if you're watching Sooty and Sweep or whatever. Yes. Watching the Beeb.

Does it only detect the BBC or is it everything? I think BBC. I think it's all free toto-air, isn't it? No, no. How can they do that? I don't believe the technology exists. It seems like a moment of doubt thing, doesn't it? Because I tell my kid that I have cameras in the bathroom

and the bedroom. What the fuck? Yeah, you do. Okay, Parky. You're not a hunk. They see it. Because I'm just thinking about it in terms of like we're comparing it to like, yeah, you can get on the tram without a ticket. And, you know, you take the risk.

You might get busted. Sure. And, you know, common things that people do if an inspector gets on, just like get off. Pretend that that was your stop. Oh, this is me. Yeah. Wherever this is. Yeah.

My house. Number one industrial estate it's just the idea that you're like they knock on the door and they can hear the tv through the door and then just like quick quickly no no i was just reading a book yeah or can you do a runner can you do a runner from the tv man what grab your tv and jump out the window just a sec this is like have a battering ram this is batter the door down. This is all the stuff I want to know about. Me too.

The rich British culture. Yeah. What were you telling me about last night? I remember last night and I said, fuck, save this for tomorrow. Oh, yeah. I was telling you about, actually, it reminded me because we did that little road trip last night when we were dropping your rapist mate home. It was reminding me of...

Had to go home by a Pantridge to drop him off. I just put in Google Maps remand. I'm like, okay, I'll just go here. This was about 10 years ago. I did a gig in Canberra. Do you guys remember Dane Rathbone? Yeah. Dane Rathbone was This like

Very funny Insane Very weird comedian Very weird comedian Who like You know Anyway Did he do songs

Did he do songs No he did like Pretty absurd Like surreal Sort of bits Getting his dick out He doesn't He got his dick out a bit

Stuff like that He doesn't do comedy anymore No he quit He quit He got out It was a real like It was a real like it was a real supernova really burned bright for a bit there won a couple of awards so big so quickly he was

like one raw his brother was a rugby union player yes brother played for the for was it new zealand maybe even all blacks or something or is that no for australia is australia okay yeah crazy yeah but anyway south african yeah they were yeah anyway story got really big really quickly and he did this show in canberra canberra theater whatever that is 1500 seats sold out show and then immediately afterwards he organized a secret gig like gig his big gig finishes and then across the road at a small pub, there was a secret gig that was him headlining, me hosting, Sam Campbell, Henry Stone and Clinton Haynes and Gerard McGowan on. All male lineup, by the way. That's unheard of.

The good old days. What would all the inhabitants of your dream have to say about that? And you booked this, right? And so we all go up, we do like 10 minutes each or whatever dane goes on at the end does 15 minutes and then at the end of the show dane's big finale for the secret show and there was about 200 250 people there that are super fans that had come to watch him from his big show he's like everyone come outside i've got a surprise for you on the street and so this guy's like you know he's got weird, like this could be fucking anything.

Yeah, it could be anything. He's a very absurd, crazy, big guy, right? I love the idea of being like these weirdo guys who then get kind of unexpectedly popular, and they just can't handle it. The idea of what they're doing is in some way popular, so being like, there's a secret smaller show across the road. I'm still an artist.

Yeah, yeah. I'm still an artist. I'm keeping an artist. Yeah, yeah. I'm still an artist. I'm keeping it real. Yeah, selling out the theatre. So they've got the 1,000 seaters, then we've got a secret 250 for the real heads. Yeah, for the real ones. And then come outside for a big Easter egg.

Come outside, big secret finale on the street. So the entire crowd goes out, 250 people. Keep it going until it's you and one guy. I think then you'll be fine. Like, it's the streets of Canberra too, so it's pretty quiet. Everyone's slowly coming out of the pub onto the streets. By the time the whole crowd is out there,

someone has driven... I think Gerard McGowan has driven our Tarrago that we all came down to Canberra in around to the front. We all pile into the car and then throw water bombs at the audience. No. And all start going, Fuck you! Fuck you! You fucking idiots! bombs at the audience. No. And all start going, fuck you, fuck you, you fucking idiots,

giving them the finger. And then speed off, do lap around the block, come back again, fuck you, you're all fucking dumb. Just to pick up anyone who's hung around after the first water bomb. Were they loving it? Not really. What time of year are we talking? Yeah, it's like cold Canberra.

Oh, my God. There's people on the, like, water bombs kind of not even hitting them, just landing you. So embarrassing. Yeah. A lot of water bombs, someone just, like, kind of bounces off you. So embarrassing. Not enough water in it.

Yeah. So funny. Come out for a secret surprise. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. You guys are fucking dumb. We thought it was so funny. We thought it was so surprise. Fuck you. Fuck you. You guys are fucking dumb. We thought it was so funny. We thought it was so punk and smart-ass.

The thing is with water bombs, they take forever to do. So you guys would have spent your entire day. We only had like 10 water bombs. So embarrassing. We're barely hitting anyone. Fuck you. We drive away. We're all like laughing our asses off.

I'm picturing the vibe in that Taraga. Electric. And then this drive to the nearest Grilled and we all just sat in Grilled for an extra hour going, that was so funny. Nice healthy burger. We're not completely insane. A round of Zen Hens for me and my buddies.

We just totally fucking owned a crowd of Dane fans. Which charity are you guys putting your bottle top in? So dumb. Oh, man, that's fucking awesome. I miss those days when comedy was dangerous. I wish I had told Pikey to fuck off last night. Fuck you, throw a water bottle at him.

I think if Pikey's there, it still is dangerous. That's true. So that's fine. He's bringing the danger to anywhere. You know, was there a big missing part of the night after that?

I can't really remember anything happening after 10 o'clock, so neither. You didn't whip in here. At what part of the night are the water balloons getting filled up?

That's what I'm kind of, is this like pre-first big theatre show or are you trying to find like a little window in between Magic Geek and Secret Geek? It's such an embarrassing story, Kev.

Because you're all like 25, 26, and you're like, this is so fucking badass. Because when you're an absurd comedian, I'm sure you're constantly like, well, it's going to surprise them. What's something no one's done? And that one is just like, fuck, that's just bad. First idea. What if we all get in a car and drive away and say, fuck you?

And say, fuck you to the people who spent all their night with us, their entire night. Who didn't just go to one show? Exactly. Fuck you, Lou. I want to do a complete Rolling Stone style oral history of this evening. Get you guys on the record and like, boy, I would love to find anyone who was in that crowd.

Maybe someone's listening. Someone getting hit in the ear with a water balloon and you're screaming, follow us on Instagram and Twitter. Thanks for coming. Going to the show, you're a big Dane fan. You're at the theatre. You've had this amazing night. And then you're like, oh, a little punk rock secret show across the road.

Oh, how great is this? Oh, we managed to get in. Oh, I'm having the – this is like an artistic experience that i'll tell my children oh it's still going oh we get to go out in the street and then you get a water balloon locked on you get pneumonia you're like fucking sick for a week immediately open up instagram unfollow dane rath and then a bunch of open mic is telling you to suck their dick. Fuck you. I would never be able to watch comedy again. Oh, man. I don't blame him.

No wonder he quit. No one's going to go, don't go to his show. He will violently attack you afterwards. How many shit comedian friends will be coming? Was this his idea? Did he kind of instigate the water polo? I can't remember. You guys just take this upon yourselves.

I can't remember now at this point. But it was at this time, there was this gig in Sydney that I can't remember if I guys just take this upon yourselves. I can't remember now at this point. But it was at this time, there was this gig in Sydney that I can't remember if I've told you guys about. I mean, I've talked about it probably privately, but called Fuck Club. Yep, yep. And the whole point of this Fuck Club night was basically to troll the audience.

And it kind of got a following. Like the audience would come back and it was a 150 seater and it would always be full because there was this specific group of arty Sydney people that liked the fact that they were getting fucked with all night by the crowd and weird shit would happen. You don't really see that too much anymore, do you? These people who would do characters that were meant to be a bit of a... It's like, come on, mate, we're in a cost-of-living crisis.

We can't afford to be spending money on some shit. We watched this gig rise and fall, basically, and I remember the end when this gig was dying off, I remember having a distinct moment at the back of the room being like, I think this is the death of Fuck Club. There was this comedian called Andrew Hastings, who you guys might know. He's a Sydney comic.

He was up on stage just trying to do stand-up. Because some people would just do a set, you know. And other people would fuck around. Is he a musical comedian? No, he's just like a – That's my only question you're just hoping that one of the deranged men in the story is a musical comedian so you can point at cameron and go that's you yeah exactly that's you man he so andrew hayes is up on stage

doing his set and the audience by this point it's been a year of this show going they're expecting weird shit to happen they want weird shit to happen they're getting bored with this guy just doing normal jokes and then one of the guys in the crowd just goes suck your own dick and then he's like andrew's like what and then someone else goes yeah suck your own dick and then pretty soon the whole crowd is like suck your dick suck your dick and this guy this guy is maybe a year into comedy just goes all right and just lays down on his back pulls his pants down and flips his legs over his head and he's like soft obviously he's not hard so he's like soft, obviously. He's not hard. So he's like soft as dick. He's pointing out that his own comedy hadn't made him a writer.

Just imagine that. Oh, my God. You'd be in school and you'd get like just a no reason bonus. You'd be on stage having a great gig and then you feel it starting to stir. Oh, no. I'm doing so well. Not now. Not now. Please.

You walk in at that exact time where he pulls his pants down and he's got a soft on and you walk in and go, oh, so the gig's not going well? He's laying on his back. His legs are over his head. So he's nude, like no pants around him. He just pulls his pants down. He's still got his shirt on.

You know, Winnie the Pooh style. Winnie the Pooh sucking his own dick style. Stuck in the honeypot. His little piglet. His little piglet's hanging out. His dick's hanging down. He's like straining his neck to reach up to try and touch his dick. How much convincing did he need?

I guess a room full of people chanting suck your cock was enough. And then I remember standing up the back watching it and just having the thought in my mind, I think this gig sucks now. I think it's over. Well, at least something sucks. And I was standing there with this older gay comedian in Sydney called Brent who'd been through the cabaret scene in the 90s and stuff. He's like an old school queer comic in Sydney.

And I remember turning to him and I went, this is pretty crazy, hey? And he just went, no. And I, what do you mean? And he was like, I came up in Sydney in the 90s. There was a guy called Trough Man who just used to lay in the trough and people would piss on him. No. He was like, this is nothing.

And I was like, oh, yeah, this is nothing. Could he reach it? What is this? Wait, I just need to know, could he reach it? No, of course not. And then he just pulled his pants back up and was like, thanks, thanks everyone. is nothing. Could he reach it? What is this? Wait, I just need to know. Could he reach it? No, of course not. And then he just pulled his pants back up and was like, thanks. Thanks, everyone. You've been a great crowd.

Follow me on Instagram. It was really, yeah. So that was like the era where everyone was deliberately trying to fuck with the audience. My name's Simon Trofman Jr. You're thinking this kicks down. You're leaning to Brent. You're like, fire up the Tarago. Let's get the water bombs ready.

I've got no idea. Give this idiot a real show. I've got no idea. Give this idiot a real show. That is unbelievable stuff. It was a weird time in comedy. I kind of really don't understand your hypothesis of this story where you're in a pub watching a man on stage suck his own dick and your thought is, this gig's done. It's over. It's hard to explain. It used to be weird. Yes. And your thought is, this gig's done. Yeah. It's over.

It's hard to explain. It used to be weird. But if you were there, you know. It's so by the numbers now. They had Marilyn Manson drop in last week. There was just no thought to it. Take a rib out, cunt. Yeah.

What are you doing? People would do weird shit, but it was at least it meant something or it was a reversal or something. It meant something. It had something to say this is a guy the audience say suck your dick and he's like all right i'll try it like that's not man that's the thing that i the the the thing that i can't get over in my head is that he gets this call to action and i understand it like you know you artistically when you're up there you gotta sure what to – Sure. What are your options? You can't go, no, I'm going home now. I reckon you probably could.

Yeah, I reckon you could. That's an option. You probably should. That's a really good option actually. See, that's a girl brain happening. Yeah, that makes sense. I was just thinking as you were saying that, I was like, women would never do this.

True. Like a lady on stage, eat your own pussy. Eat your pussy. Eat your pussy. And everyone's like, okay then. All right, I'll take a rib out to eat my own pussy eat it eat your pussy and he'd be like okay then alright I'll take a rib out to eat my own pussy look

it just but the fact that and how everyone because I just imagined it was a sea of blokes yeah of course and there would have been a few women in there

going thinking the exact same thing that I was we would never do this would you would a woman ever go to a show a stand up comedy show called fuck club no even when you you say i felt unsafe yeah i actually almost i was like that's

not for me yeah but i just in my head i'm a bit like his his kind of like immediate response to the call to action like he seems pretty convinced like i reckon i can have a red hot go at this i reckon i'm actually a chance of getting this away. And it almost seems as if the, was this something that he was known for? No. It almost seems like he's got like a bit of a, like he's known for this in some way. And the audience are like,

let's try and get it to happen in front of us. And the fact that he immediately goes, all right. Yeah, no, no, no. I don't think he was known for it. Do you think that he thought there is a chance I'll reach it? Probably. Or do you all know your limits?

I've never even tried, to be fair. All right, there's a stage. Suck your dick. Suck your dick. Okay. Oh, my God, I reached. I'll have a go at trough man if you want. I can have a go at that.

Can we try trough boy but with shitting instead of... Oh, my God. No, but honestly, trough boy but with shitting instead of... Oh, my God. No, but honestly, trough man's the fucking bizarre thing where it's like, oh, we had trough man. But it's like, yeah, but say there's 150 people in the audience. You all pile into fucking one cubicle in the dunny? Like, how's that a show? Trough man was famous in the queer scene.

There's articles written about him online and stuff. I think even the ABC wrote a retrospective on Trough Man. He was on Q&A one week. But he was famous for mainly Mardi Gras. Like he'd just spend the whole night in the trough somewhere on Oxford Street and people would kiss on him. Big trough on the back of a float? He's famous in Sydney.

Like everyone knows about him. Is he still alive? I think he might be still alive, yeah. But I think he's retired. He hasn't drowned? Yeah. They never drain it. You drove by in the Tarrago, hit him with a water balloon full of piss.

I really think that the saddest part of that story is, yeah, your mate. Just seeing that happen and be like, whatever. I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything? Yeah, I've seen a million things worse than this. That's when you just go like, it's time to tap out of life. It's been so long since there's been anything that insane happened in the comedy scene.

That sort of stuff doesn't happen anymore. Everyone's normal now. Yeah, and do you think that's sad? Is it sad? It's interesting. Okay, it's interesting. I sort of miss it a little bit. Yeah.

Who's the crazy person now? Is there one? I mean, it's hard to imagine anyone responding to that call to arms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you just know that every phone in the room is coming out and then that's you on the internet forever attempting to suck your own dick on a stage in a comedy club. Yeah.

So no one's going to roll the dice in that way. You're right. Phones are to blame for their not being a trough man. That's right. It's not us learning. If I didn't think I was going to go viral, I'd be hopping in the trough right now. Mark my words.

If phones didn't have cameras, Baseball Comedy Club would be a completely different landscape every week. Undeniably. There'd be at least fucking four leaders having to be fucking mopped up a completely different landscape every week. Yeah. Undeniably. There'd be at least fucking four leaders having to be fucking mopped up at the end of every show. Way more public nudity in comedy still. Yeah. I think that went away in the rise of like, I'm going to get snapped here.

That's gone. Yeah. What about – you did a big show the other night, right? Yeah, I did. I did. I went and did – it wasn't Fuck Club, but it was pretty close. It was a storytelling night. Okay, so I went – so it's relevant.

Wait on. I went and did a storytelling night. I did storytelling before I did comedy. I love stories. A lot of my comedy has stories in it, similar to you, Cam. Yeah, yeah. Love a story. We love it.

We love it. Anyway, I got – there was like a grand slam, which was like the final. We love it. Anyway, I got – there was like a grand slam, which was like the final. So – and Brett Blake had said to me, I would like to go and watch one of these because I'm – like my next show, I'm hoping for it to have some stories in it. I was like, yeah, okay, cool, come along. And he thinks it's like story time, like he might learn how to read. No one's teaching him.

I want to hear what Spot's been up to. But I turned up and I don't know what the Spot's been up to yeah but I turned up and I don't know what the other stories are going to be I've no idea and he turns up and he sits

it's great that you think you're going to get the email P.S. just so you know here's the other story here's a blur but it's not but I mostly only do

comedy now and I don't do stories ever anymore but the so I'd kind of forgotten just how intense they can be and Brady came along

and i think i don't know what he was expecting but i was in a big theater in st kilda and he was just in the crowd i don't know where he was and then the this lady gets up and i love this storytelling night by the way i'm not there's no shade on it the shade here is only for brett blake okay it's not i'm not casting shade it's amazing that you can be in a room with Brett Blake and not know where he is. I think he was actually hiding because there was a lot of female empowerment in the room and, you know, he's scared of that.

I think there was a lot of lesbians in the room and a lot of them look like Brett Blake. But this one woman gets up and she's a doula, which is a lady who helps people have a baby. Sure. And she has a few stories about female empowerment and empowering women to have vaginal births. And as this woman –

As opposed to – Oh, see, cesarean. What's the word again? Vaginal. No, no, the term. So it's a vagina's like – Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'll show you a picture. If you want, you can see if you can lick your own. Anyway, the whole way through the story, I'm like, Brett is going to be struggling through this. I get a message from Brett saying, this is so gay. Carl Chandler would absolutely hate this. Oh, I get thrown under the bus. Why do I have this?

And the next story. You set this story up too. Why do you need this bit? Why do I? And the next story. You set this story up too. I didn't need this bit. I didn't need this bit. Why am I in here? Oh, gosh. The next story was something quite similar. Another woman talking about another thing about reproductive organs

and about female empowerment. And I could feel his little – Just on the record, I love these stories already. Do you? Good. I could feel Freddie's energy in the the record i love these do you good i can feel bready's energy in the back of the room just kind of recoiling and then um the last story of the first half was probably the most epic which was by a bloke who got on stage and talked about like how his marriage broke down and as he's talking about this he starts crying. Suck your own teeth. It was very vulnerable. The whole room was like really enthralled,

but I just was like, I hope. My wife left me. Come over to a second secret show over the road and then hang around at the end of that, especially if you're my wife. I'm going to get you good. His story then progressed because it's only supposed to be five minutes, but he was going to like you good His story then progressed Because it's only So it's only five minutes

But he was going to Like a 15 minute mark And then his story Progressed Well just because He was crying so much Couldn't get the words out Yeah that's tight

You almost can't bother Having a word Someone can't be in tears Ripping out something Hang on Blasting him with the light Come on mate Play him off

Bring the crook out This is the final How did he get through The semis With a fucking I don't His last He couldn't get the last bit out. This is the final. How did he get through the semis with a fucking shit like this? He couldn't get the last bit out because I think he was nervous because the last bit was him trying to propose to his new girlfriend who was sitting in the audience.

What? No. Are you fucking serious? I know. At the end. Oh, my God. This is not true. Ten stories.

That was the fifth story. And what was really funny about this is part of his proposal was in Vietnamese. He's Vietnamese. His fiancée was Vietnamese. And I looked down and there's like about three or four rows of Vietnamese people all with like cameras and they were all crying as well. So obviously his friends and his family. Oh, my God.

But my mate, he was there and he's like a very tall white man. He had not realised that he'd sat in a group. He just sat in the middle. So there was just this sea of blubbering Vietnamese people and my super tall mate in the middle being like, fuck, I sat in the wrong spot. But the end of this last bit was a proposal. I then text Brett and I was like, what did you think of that one?

He was like, I have absolutely left. I have not stayed for any of this. He bailed on it. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle it. And I said, oh, you missed a proposal. And he goes, I would have fucking hated that. Did she say yes?

She said yes. That's beautiful. Do you reckon it's fake? No, what do you mean? It's real. Everything's real. Hang on. So it's a storytelling competition.

Yes. So did this guy win? No, he got disqualified. What? Why? Because it was – They said it was too gay. Hang on, was it Jo's prep like?

She spoke during the story when she said yes. That's just meant to be you up there. No outside assistance. That would be great if there was a rule in the storytelling competition, no marriage proposals, because that's such an easy win. You have to give that the win, surely. That should be a rule. It should be a rule.

Yeah, he got, I think it was like he went too long and he... Cried too much. And he cried too much. And it wasn't a, yeah, the story turned into a proposal. It didn't even make sense. It was all in an ooga booga language. Yeah, that was Brett Blake saying that. You're right.

He was a judge. If you're a judge, you're thinking like, this guy doesn't need the win. He's just had the happiest night of his life, regardless of what happens. That is so funny, though, to do the placings at the end of the night. And the guy who proposed to his girlfriend and she said, yes, he came last. Boring. No, the best part was the host came as soon as he finished because he left the stage wiping his face.

He didn't even go and see it with his fiancee who was heavily pregnant and sitting next to my friend. He didn't even go anywhere. He just left the stage, I guess, to clean himself up or something. But then the host came to the – she was crying. She came to the microphone and was crying she came to the microphone was like how beautiful is that just so you know he's been disqualified wasn't even like an announcement at the end or like a secret he's been disqualified but that's okay he's fine with that several

if you're on after him i reckon you're sitting backstage and you're like quickly just throwing out what you've got you're getting up with your story. So I was at this storytelling night and this fucking loser gets up. No, you're upping it. So I was walking on the moon. And I fucked an alien. An alien pissed on me in the trough. So Brady's now come lucky. I think his intention was to learn something about how to tell stories.

So his new show is going to be about perineums and – He rang me after. Did he? He rang me after he went to the show. And he goes, oh, I just went to this fucking show. I'm like, oh, where did you go? He goes, oh, I went to watch Bronnie at the bloody storytelling show. I'm like, because I want to do a story or whatever.

He goes, yeah, I left at half time. I was like, oh, why did you leave? He left before half time yeah yeah he left before you were on didn't he no i was on first so he left earlier so he was all raving about my story contribute to him walking out yeah i did yeah mine was not about vaginal anything by the way he said to me he goes oh yeah fuck that shows so before he goes they're all getting up with these fucking shit ass stories the stories they're telling on stage going fucking check this story i had four better things happen to me today these cunts these cunts are fucking crying about week proposals who cares oh he's he's a hardened

man god he's a hard man but shit does happen to brett blake though like he's one of those guys that life happens to yes you'd kill to have that life in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not anything else about him, but like... Yes. No, you're absolutely correct. There's like... He has heaps of fucking shit happen to him all the time. Fuck, I've got... He's Mr Magoo.

Yeah, fully. Fuck, I've made notes, but I've got most of them... I've got notes on my phone about... I never make notes about anyone except for Brett Blake. He says so many fucking dumb things and does so many insane things I have to make notes next time he's on

I'm trying to find something that would be better to talk about him than with him on the show next time you know he said to me a couple

of weeks ago he was trying to describe someone well you're a cinephile Cameron I'm a pedophile he was young cinephile

wait so quickly he was shut that out I'm getting ahead of the story He was young, you know. That's way too quickly. So cute. Way too quickly. He was shot that out. I'm getting ahead of the story. It'll start breaking soon. I want to get ahead of it. You know Hollywood.

You know the stars of Hollywood. Maybe you can tell me the answer to the question. Maybe you can answer the question that he posited me. Okay, sure. He said these words to me. He was trying to figure out an actor. And he said, Who's that Italian cunt from Meet the Fockers?

Oh, you mean Robert De Niro. That Italian cunt from Meet the Fockers. Imagine that's his number one listing on NBC. The Italian cunt from Meet the Fockers. Like, A, Italian cunt. B, that's his most well-known film? It's not even the best film in the meet the fuckers franchise yeah it's the second best he came to my house recently we

had to record a podcast and he just robbed a neuro yeah no the italian fucker yeah no brettie blake he came into my son's uh room uh my son's three and he was like looking at ari's toys he's like oh these are amazing and he was picking up the cars and he was like fuck that's sick and he was asking Ari which one's faster and Ari's like oh the purple one and he was like

do you reckon wow and at the time you know usually people like entertain kids a little bit like they're like oh wow

this is a pretty doll or whatever but I was like oh no he genuinely means this like he's really an absolute fastest kid

fucking hell you're saying to your kid can you just distract Brett for a minute and keep playing with him? Can you watch Brett? Can you watch Brett? I'm going to the toilet.

Alright well Brett will be loving all this because he does listen every week. We better wrap it up there. Thank you Cam and Bron for joining us.

Thank you. You guys have a show coming up. You're doing a split show tap taping it for the internet, October the 11th. 11th at Stupid Old Studios in beautiful Melbourne. Friday. Yeah, in Brunswick. Friday night.

Friday, October the 11th. Yeah, we need good people. Half-half. You guys are doing like 20 half an hour each or something. Yeah, yeah, about that. About half an hour each. Yeah, and then it's going to be great. It's going to be boozy.

It's going to be a lovely time. We're going to have a great time. We need good people to come. We need good people there. It's all our best shit, all our best jokes and stuff. A three-way. It's Cam James, Bronis, Trough Boy. Yeah.

He's opening. It's going to be good. It's going to be hard to follow. Other people are opening. It's going to be really hard. People are opening on his. Yeah, I'm'm gonna have to suck my own dick

yeah oh my god no stupid old studios in Brunswick on October the 11th I think it's seven o'clock

yeah about that it's gonna be great you get to see both of us yes our best stuff I think that's

the best bit so you do a show and you're like I'll just get through this joke it's not my favourite and then if you have a collection of your best stuff it's like they're all my favourite these are all the favourites it's the best bit. So you do a show and you're like, I'll just get through this joke. It's not my favourite. And then if you have a collection of your best stuff, it's like,

they're all my favourite. These are all the favourites. It's the best bit. In case you turned your nose up at the worst of Bron Lewis this year, you can go to the opposite right now. That's right. I don't know why he did that show, by the way. Hey!

Well, I just thought, you know, trying to compete with Gappa. Get in. I can't stop. No one is safe today. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. No one is safe. You mean all the easiest targets are safe.

Low-hanging fruit. That would be good as a quote on your poster. The low-hanging fruit of Melbourne comedy. All right, everyone. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you next time. See you, Meg.