The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 1 - Nick Cody

Episode Date: October 26, 2010

Shit magic tricks, ponderings about Thailand and speeches gone awry. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

All righty, this is it. G'day everyone. Thanks for tuning in. Welcome to the maiden voyage of The Little Dum Dum Club, a new audio podcast featuring myself. My name's Tommy Dasolo, lovely to be here, and good friend, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. Yep, that's it. We're off to a flying start. I would expect nothing less. These levels are out of control.

Sorry for shattering eardrums and blowing minds. Thank you for joining us. This is exciting, isn't it, Carl? Are you excited? I'm excited that three seconds and you have to play with the levels. I'm glad everyone's wasted their bandwidth on this one. Yeah, well, it's free. So what we're doing here, this show is going to be myself and Carl

talking a bit of shit about what's been going on, and we're going to have different guests every week, which is exciting. Some of our comedian friends are going to come in and chat for, let's say, an hour, and then we might get bored before then. So we'll see what happens. So, yeah, thank you for joining us. Should we delve right in? If you can just touch the microphone and make a horrendous noise.

Yeah, fiddling with his mic. Sitting opposite me is our guest for this first installment of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. It's Nick Cody. Hey, guys. Yeah. Man about town, comedian, promoter. Good chemistry, by the way. Entrepreneur. Eight seconds in, what's the guest got to say? I'm loving this podcast.

Yeah, yeah. It's a tremendous day. I thought you introduced a bit early there. I actually thought we had more to say. Quick, quick, let's cut to the guest. You were just sitting there fiddling with your mic and looking at your laptop. I'm waiting for a bit early there. I actually thought we had more to say. Quick, quick, let's cut to the guest. You were just sitting there fiddling with your mic and looking at your laptop. I'm waiting for you to shut up. Oh, okay. All right. Say something at some stage.

Well, now Cody can just chime in or he can just pretend that he hasn't been introduced. Yeah, I can, I don't know. I don't know. What does that have to do with it? All right, shut up, Cody. We're trying to establish the brand of Dassolo and me. Yeah, this is the pilot episode and so far people are just confused. Like characters who have barely been introduced

are already just insulting each other. All I know is that these two guys that are hosting this podcast have a poor choice of guest. Tremendous. Well, what did you have? What did you, before I so rudely cut you off by doing what we said we were going to do, what gold was brewing in them nah hills?

Well, I've got a story. Something happened the other night that I haven't told you yet, which I think is a good thing to say on a podcast to get a bit of fresh, real reaction. Yeah, I like it. Is there a reason why Nick Cody would not be invited into this conversation? I think I've already talked to him. I saw Nicholas the other night.

I think he already knows this story. That means he's got no excuse to not chime in on this story with Golden Zingers because he's had all the time in the world to really process it. Or Ace Jokes, if that's what you mean by Golden Zingers. I've got both. Cody will chime in with some observations on his own STDs. It would be completely irrelevant to the rest of the story. But it would be like, hey, that reminds me of something that happened to me.

And that's why me piss stings. For those of you unfamiliar with the work of Mr. Cody, that is what we in the business like to call a classic Cody. Yeah, I don't know. I think I had it best described by Chandler one night is that I tried new material and Chandler said, it doesn't sound very Cody-like. And I said, what do you mean by that? And Carl responded with, nobody got raped.

So apparently that's what I do. I just go up and read out police reports. That is your MO. Wow. Okay. APBs. So what have you got? What was your thing that happened the other night?

Oh, well, yeah. No, it was very, I found this very funny. I was at the comedy club in Collins Street in Melbourne. Yep. I went along. I wasn't on, but I saw – You're such a fan of the form that you just thought you'd poke your head in. So I went along because – there you go.

There it is. I went along because Tom Gleeson was headlining, and I quite enjoy his work. Yep. And I went there with the bonus of thinking I'll have a few beers. I told a few friends. One of them is in the room right now, Nicholas Cody. He came along. Another guy, Steel Saunders.

Yep, friend of the show. Friend of the show. Friend of the show. Friends for five minutes. So we went along, and we were having drinks and whatever. Anyway, we got in the venue. You walk in, and you see the stage immediately. As the venue. You walk in and you see the stage immediately. As soon as you open that door, you see the stage.

And the stage is filled with magic paraphernalia, as in, you know, those boxes that they escape from or boxes that you get sawed in half from or, you know, all the magician-type props. Cloth with stars on it, that kind of shit. All that crap. Yeah. Yeah, magic assload of shit, I think it's called. So we walked in and I immediately went, oh, what's this? What's going on here? This is a comedy club.

Yeah, we should stress this is a venue that's three stand-up comedians per show doing whatever, 15 odd minutes each. Yeah. Let's explain that. That's the format of the show. Let's also explain something else. Combining comedy and magic is pretty shit. Yeah, generally not the best idea.

No. So I was pretty keen to see this fail. And anyway, we walked in. I wondered who it was. I didn't have any idea. We went in there and there's some magicians, let's say magicians, backstage. And they looked, to be honest, looking at them and talking to them, I thought these guys are going to be pretty incompetent. They didn't look very experienced.

How old would you say? Oh, 40s, both of them, including the female magician. So I get in there and it seems that everyone's pretty keen to see what's going to happen here because I think they've basically been accidentally booked, I reckon. Yeah. By the sound of it, the conversation went something like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're magic comedy. And then when they got there, they said, so you're sure you know that it's all comedy

here? And they go, yeah, there's funny things that we could say. I feel at this point that I should stress, because it is the first episode, and people will learn this about you as they listen to the program more, you delight in the failure of others. And in yourself. No, you delight in failure in general. You revel in it.

So you at this point, I imagine, are like a kid in a candy store. There was something. Yeah, that's about to blow up. There was an adolescent in some sort of confectionery based. Yeah. It's interesting that you tell me this now because this was Friday night, yeah? This was Friday night. I remember being at my house at 9pm on Friday night and just feeling this tingle in the back of my head.

It was this sensation that I couldn't quite explain. But now next time that happens, I'm going to know Chandler's about to watch someone fuck up. Yeah. What happens with Chandler is when anyone around the world ever is about to fail, if Chandler's not there, he shakes like Danny in the movie The Shining. He just shakes and he froths from the mouth because he knows somewhere in the world someone is living up to their dreams. And then my dad chased me through a maze in the snow and he died.

I would say Chandler is like the Nelson Muntz of Melbourne comedy. Like anytime someone's having a shit gig, this is Chandler laughing in solidarity up the back. So, okay, so the stage is set. Yeah, very much set. What do you reckon the audience are feeling at this point? Do you reckon the audience are, I mean, they've paid good money for tickets. It's not a cheap gig to attend.

Well, yeah, well, that's it. You know, to be honest, I was expecting a bit of competence because you don't buy – there was obviously thousands of dollars worth of equipment. Yep. Seriously, on stage. That's what you base their competence on. They've got good credit. They've got money.

They can't fuck up. They've got money behind them. Yeah, but I reckon anyone with half a brain wouldn't shell out all that money if they just got it all then went, oh shit, I forgot. We're fuckheads. We don't know how to use any of this shit. That almost makes you enjoy this moment even more. Yeah.

Yeah. We've got so much stuff together and bought it in. Yeah, yeah. I think it all adds up. And it looked heavy too. They might have hurt themselves. Someone hurt their back. Because there's no elevator to the comedy club have hurt themselves. Someone hurt their back. Because there's no elevator to the comedy club either.

Someone hurt their back helping someone's incompetence. Dragging failure up four flights of stairs. So they're on first? They're on first. Okay, straight off the bat. There's an open spot in that first bracket, right? Which I imagine is very confusing to an audience to see an MC do ten minutes of comedy and then suddenly magic tricks are happening.

Yeah. Well, you know, if it had been funny, all cool. All magic. All cool. All magic. Yeah. So anyway, they get on stage and we, you know, there's more than just me that's looking forward to what's happening at this point.

But you're most out of everyone. Yeah. Oh, look, I can't see other people's feelings, but I'd say I would have been up there. Okay, yeah, yeah. So we were waiting for this, and when they finally went on, I, yeah, sort of rubbed my hands together and went, right, here we go. So they got up there, and from the get-go, they were sloppy. They didn't know how to talk.

They didn't know how to talk into the mic. They mumbled into the mic. One of them couldn't get how to talk. They didn't know how to talk into the mic. They mumbled into the mic. One of them couldn't get the mic working. The other one sort of just laughed at the other one and went, so what are we going to do? Oh, you can't get the mic, can you? Was that a trick? Can you get, can you, can you?

Have you got the mic? Maybe that was his trick that he disconnected the mic without touching it. The mad entertainment disappeared. Abracadabra. So anyway, she couldn't talk into the mic properly. He couldn't talk into the mic properly. It was pretty unclear what they were even attempting at this stage. Anyway, so they start to open strong.

They get the card tricks out, which is, you know. You staple of any good magic game. Always good in a venue of 300 with no screens. Exactly. You've got a card that's five inches tall, and the 300th person at the back of the room is going, whatever that white blur, that's impressing me. That's whatever, if I could see any of this,

this is like the shittest eye chart of all time. Anyway, so they start doing magic tricks, they start doing card tricks, and from what I gather, it was a card trick, because, of course, he was mumbling into the mic going and not being clear at all. He was asking questions. What he was, I assume, to be asking was, what is this card? Remember this card, and then I'll take it away.

But what he was actually saying was, the card, and we got that one, and you do this, and then I write. Okay? You write? And we're like, are you, so you're asking us that? Are you asking us to remember that card? And he was saying that to like an audience member, and they were just completely unclear on what they were supposed to do.

So then he had to say it again, and we all assumed, okay, we must be trying to remember what number the card is. Anyway, then he takes it back, then drops the whole set on the ground. Right. And it goes everywhere. And for a second. It's a 52 pickup. Yeah, exactly.

And we're thinking, oh, okay, I get it. This is a joke. You can't be that incompetent. We're all being spoofed right now. Yeah, exactly. We're not there. It's been a Joaquin Phoenix crossed with Martinson James. So anyway, he drops it.

We look at it and he just waits way too long. He's looking at the assistant. Assistant's looking at him. They're both like, oh, we've got no plan. What happens next? And they're like, oh, what do we do? And I'm like, no, this is a joke. This is a joke.

Where's the reveal? No, they just dropped it. And then they just sort of abandoned. They just went, okay. And then he started picking up cards off the ground and going, just random cards and going, is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card?

20, 50 is your chance. Yeah. So anyway, that was open strong. So they've done that. Then they get into the other gear, which, yeah, like I guess the one comedy thing I saw of it was that when she got into the box and he went to saw her in half, he did the saw her in half trick. Yeah, yeah I guess the one comedy thing I saw of it was that when she got into the box and he went to saw her in half, he did the – Oh, they did the saw her in half trick?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. After that, what makes a crowd think that after you've dropped a deck of cards, I'm able to saw someone in half? Yeah. I tripped on the – I got myself caught on the entrance to getting into the pool, but now I'm going to do a quadruple spin off the top board. Jesus, that was a long road you walked down just then. I got there.

It's a podcast. There's no songs coming in. Yeah. They went to do the saw in half, which wasn't a saw in half. It's more of like chuck those big blades into a box. You know what I mean? Uh-huh, yeah. The box never sort of goes in two.

They just stick the the blades in so to show how sharp the or the real blades or whatever it is they sort of do the magician thing where they sort of like take them out slap them on their hand or something and then he does the faux oh i didn't think that one through i just cut myself but you know but he did that really badly really really terribly anyway so they did that um it was all pretty unconvincing whatever they trudge along at this stage they've broken the audience even when they actually successfully do a trick about four or five minutes in no like about three people clap because their spirit's been broken for the night already

they're just like we give up on these guys. So then they just keep stumbling. They go to finish. They're still like a minute away from finishing. One of them trips over the back prop curtain and accidentally reveals the backdrop where it's clearly supposed to be the end of the act where someone says, now, what was that card again? And then they show that the eight of clubs or whatever is there.

But instead, they just trip over and knock over the whole set and the eight of clubs comes flying out and they're just like, oh, that wasn't supposed to be out yet. And then they go, okay, well, let's just wrap it up. Let's just wrap it up. Ta-da! Okay, we're just going to, yeah. And they don't even say goodbye

and then he goes to walk off stage and knocks the microphone off the stage. And I mean, the whole stand, it goes flying off the stage into a table. Great. So the mic hits the table. Yeah, the mic hits the table. All I can hope is both of their doubles

drowned under the stage like the prestige. Yeah, well, so anyway, that all finishes. And I'm like, oh, this has been amazing. This has been an amazing thing of my life. And Gleeson was supposed to be on later. So when he gets there, I sort of say to him, by the way, you might want to know, in case you want to say anything,

that there's been a spectacularly bad magic act on that no one has mentioned yet. Like, the whole audience just thought that, you know, just stank, just absolutely stank. And, you know, you should be aware of what's happened tonight. He's like, oh, okay, no worries. So anyway, he goes on stage without having seen the magic act

because he's come from another gig. He gets up there and opens with a bit of, anyway, I just thought I'd open with some card tricks. And everyone starts laughing. He goes, yeah, I just thought I'd do some magic. I'm only saying that because I've been told that there was magicians on before and that was shithouse. Is that right?

And then the whole crowd just goes, yes. And we all think that's very funny. Yes, because it is. Yeah. And then we walked out onto Collins Street and David Bowie was surrounded by numerous failed magic acts. Another prestige reference. Bang.

Bang. Home run. Straight out of the park. I didn't really have a tada on the end of that story, and Cody had a go, and we still don't have it. Yeah, well. Grounded out to first. Well, there you go. Our first guest tonight is... A friend of the tonight is a friend of the show, a Melbourne comedian. Long time listener, first time caller. You might have seen him in his sellout comedy

festival show, Lust Actually. He's also about the town. Look, you've been listening to him for about 20 minutes now. Nick Cody, thanks for coming on, man. No worries. Thanks for having me, guys. Let's do it. Let's patronize him. Let's just patronize him. He's clapping himself. How are my feelings? Cool.

Thank you so much for coming here and being our first guest on the program. This is awesome. You've had a – I'm curious. You're a bit of a – Gentleman. Gentleman. You're a socialite. What does a lad like you get up to on the weekends?

What's your caper? Not a gentleman. You're a socialite. What does a lad like you get up to on the weekends? What's your caper? Not a lot. I'm going to Thailand for the first time in a few weeks, and I'm going for a friend's birthday because that's convenient. It's always good when your mate and his sister who are twins go, hey, we're going to have a 30th. Let's all just go to Thailand. It's good for you.

What a shit bloke. Because you hate having money, so you must be pretty stoked about it. Yeah, I moved into the city because I wanted to be closer to parties, but he's just gone, yeah, we'll take it a step up. What do you think of Malaysian Airlines? Move to Thailand. What do you think about that as a move? Like, I went to a wedding not long ago.

In England. For a birthday, it's fine, yeah. You reckon it's fine for a birthday but not for a wedding? For a birthday, it's fine. Is that because... For a wedding... Yeah. For a wedding, it's very for a birthday But not for a wedding? For a birthday it's fine Is that because For a wedding Yeah For a wedding it's very

I don't know I find it For a wedding it's Is it because it's easier To not go to a birthday Than it is to a wedding? Yep Yep

Yep And for a wedding You're not expected to turn up But for a birthday They just go Hey we're going over here Do you want to turn up? And people go

Yeah Whereas a wedding If you don't pay the four grand Or whatever to go over there Then you're an arsehole Yeah Yeah You know what I wouldn't do that's awesome. Whereas a wedding, if you don't pay the four grand or whatever to go over there, then you're an asshole. Yeah. Yeah.

You know what? I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't have a wedding overseas for this, right? Like, say you have a wedding- No one will marry us? And it's here. No. Because the laws in Victoria haven't been-

No. Right. So a normal wedding, say you have it in Melbourne, right, so you invite people and you sort of have to go because you can't sort of get out of it or you have to have a pretty good excuse, stuff like that. But if you have- Actually fly to London to avoid your wedding. Yeah.

If you have a wedding overseas, right, then you find out, like then people are just going to say to you, oh yeah, I can't come to your wedding. Why not? Oh, I just don to say to you, oh, yeah, I can't come to your wedding. Why not? Oh, I just don't want to go. I don't have as much money as you think that I have. Yeah. No, but I think all that does is having a wedding in London, it doesn't distinguish who wants to go and who doesn't.

You just find out amongst your friends who has disposable income. Yeah. Yeah. I've always felt like, yeah. So this is a birthday that you're going to in yeah. Yeah. I've always felt like, yeah, yeah. So this is a birthday that you're going to in Thailand? Yeah, we're going on a birthday. So there's a group of nine of us and we're going to Thailand for a week.

Yep. And we all just caught up and we drank some beers and we discussed Thailand because I don't think any of it, none of us have been there before. Okay, right. And we're all just discussing, do we want to get shots? Because apparently you have to get shots for Hep A and typhoid. But then we found out... Knowing your history with disease, I would suggest that you get the shots. My history with disease, Hep A will run away when it sees my cock.

Duck and cover typhoid. The chlamydia kid's in town. I've already had the shots. Two negatives equal a positive. Maybe if they met, you could get some sort of special power. You can't stick magnets together. That's what's going to happen. Typhoid and I are going to try and come together.

Typhoid and you have C, and all of a sudden you'll be able to fly. All the doctor would do would be to take some of my blood and then give it back to me. Yeah. But we found out it's $160, and all of us just to – this is how you find out what sort of people you're travelling with. As soon as we found out it was $160, we went, fuck that. That's a lot of booze in Thailand.

Not I can avoid hep A and typhoid. It's also like There's a You can go like A cheap equivalent Of a hotel You can just go Backpackers But there's no like

Backpacker shot You know what I mean Like there's no I'll just do it I'll just rough it Just you know And if you sleep in a bunk bed Your liver won't fall out

Yeah Like if you're with Hep A and typhoid How long are you How long are you going for A week Okay I've got no idea

I don't know anything I'll go to the US next week Right In a couple Okay. I've got no idea. I don't know anything. I'll go to the US next week. Right. In a couple of weeks. I've been to the States a bunch. I know their customs. Would you say that you've been bitten by the travel bug?

Not really. I just kept going back to the US. You should get a shot. Sounds to me like the travel bug. The travel bug? I do like traveling. I do enjoy it, but I just kept going back to the States. I love the States. I love the comedy.

I love American football. I do enjoy it, but I just kept going back to the States. I love the States. I love the comedy. I love American football. That's it. I don't know anything else about any other country. Unless you can pretty easily get both of those things here, don't you? Yeah, but you can't get Tencent Hot Wings. So I'm going to fly a long way for that. So you're saying you know the customs? Is that your concern about Thailand, that you don't know the customs,

that you're going to accidentally fuck someone off by... I'm going to do something accidental. I'll put socks on with sandals or something, and then I'll be in front of a firing squad. That's pretty frowned upon wherever you go, just as a general rule. Unless you're in the western suburbs, which, good on you. But no, I don't know. The only thing that freaks me out is the one time I've ever watched

an episode of Getaway, they were in Iran for some reason. I don't know why you would do a travel show about that place, but Dermot Brereton was there, which is another thing that I didn't understand. It was a big I don't get this place. It's a popular footy trip destination, to be fair. Yeah. Well, I suppose chicks don't have a say. So footy trips love going there.

But Dermy was there. And 20 minutes into the episode, they said, if men wear shorts in public, they get 50 lashes. And that was 20 minutes in to the episode. And I love shorts. Yeah. I love shorts. And if you get lashes for your form of clothing, that should be up front.

That's even worse because you're wearing shorts as well. Yeah. You've got no coverage. Maybe it's not that bad. Maybe they mean like fake eyelashes, like you get some nice pretty eyelash extensions. They hot you up. I know we haven't done the podcast for very long, but that's the dumbest thing that's been said so far. Where's the trophy?

That is putting the dum-dum in the dum-dum club. Little dum-dum club. We've got a catchphrase already. Halfway through and we've got a catchphrase. Yeah, I don't know. I'm freaking out. I don't know about the place. But everyone tells me it's fun.

You'll be fine. So everyone just told me, drink bottled water, don't eat out of shitty restaurants. And I'd just do that now. So that's fine. Are you going to see a ping pong show? Of course. That's the only reason I'm going there. And I got told there's a ping pong show in my hotel.

So I don't have to leave the grounds. Sounds like you're staying in a pretty awesome hotel. Hey, not only that. After you finish seeing that, there's also something in Thailand where women shoot ping pong balls out of their vagina as well. So you can go watch the ping pong tournament at a time in your hotel. I wouldn't even bother watching that tournament you were talking about.

I'd go straight to this sex thing. Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm all for that. I've changed my plan. My hotel's not that cool. My parents went to Thailand earlier in the year. My dad sent me a postcard.

Oh, working holiday? Oh, yeah. My dad just sent me a postcard saying working holiday just oh yeah my dad just sent me a postcard saying hey it's great here having a good time haven't lost a match yet and then

PS lots of ping pong balls everywhere for some reason and that's one of those things where you go my dad's funnier than I think he is do you know what I mean

you don't think that your parents are my dad would never make that joke but that also freaks me out in the way that I hear that sentence and I know he's joking but I don't know your dad,

so he might be serious and the ping pong shows might not be in an enclosed venue. They're just, yeah. And they're just on the street and they don't pick up their litter. Well, you wouldn't pick them up. Who wants to pick up a ping pong ball that's done that? It would be a problem. I'll get a signature on it. I'd be interested.

Best souvenir ever. that's done that. I can't have it. It would be actually a problem. I'll get a signature on it. I'd be interested what... Best souvenir ever. I'd be interested in how the ties go in ping pong in the Olympics. Do you think there's... Interesting serve.

Yeah. Do you think that there'd be better or worse at it because of that reputation? Is there a shortage on ping pong balls because of the

tourist trade, shall we say? It would make it a lot more interesting, you'd have to say, watching the game. There's a banana show as well i heard today banana disappear i literally talked to someone today about this and they uh had been and they saw the ping pong i saw the bananas they saw a woman do razor blades oh here's one my uh my ex-girlfriend went uh Oh, here's one.

My ex-girlfriend went three years ago, and she was getting, like, flied for them in the street, like comedy festival style. I got some com tickets. A bird, a live bird. Did they shoot doves out? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Maybe that was a magician assistant from the other night with the doves coming out of the air. That was the big finale that they spoiled the ending of. Oh, and they just... She fell over and crushed the dove inside of her. That's a better name for this podcast. Tommy and Carl crushing the dove. But they shot a live bird out.

A live bird, yeah. I was telling friends before, because I asked about the ping pong show, and they said there's fruit shows and whatever, and all it reminds me of is one of the best videos I've ever seen. When I was in high school, my year level was the first year level to get laptops. And we're on the bus on the way home and everyone had laptops out. And our mate goes, dude, dude, dude, you've got to see this.

Check out these videos from Thailand. A lady walks in to an office and a guy says, can you do this for $100? And he puts two oranges on the table. And this lady makes the two oranges disappear in her nether regions and then she shoots out two oranges and an apple. An apple that wasn't there to start with. The apple wasn't there to start with.

So she's coming fully dressed already with an apple in her. Here's one I prepared earlier style. That was the prestige. That's what Michael Caine said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are just really crowbarring the prestige in wherever you can. I love the prestige. I haven't seen the other magic one with Hugh Jackman.

Do you think it's possible that a couple of months before, she'd accidentally swallowed some apple seeds? That's why that was there. That would be interesting. Plano magic. Yeah. Martin St. Jerkoff. Yeah, what you said before,

Thailand with a woman with a bird inside her. Maybe if Thailand ever got the Olympics, that could be the... Do you have Nick Samson? Just a dove flying out of her. Or the target shooting. Yeah.

Shoot something out and then like with the bow and arrow hit whatever's coming out. What a lofty height we've reached in the first episode

of this. Yeah, that's what we obviously think of Thailand, just a lot of pussy emission. No, that's why we're sending our

correspondent Nick Cody to check it out. Correspondent? Let's, you know, let's... Hopefully I'll see a chick with a dick. I'll tell you guys next week.

Can you, actually, let's come back on. What is anyone else doing there? Like, everyone I've spoken to, this is how I know I'm not looking forward to it. What if a dick flew out of her? A cock fell out like lemmings. If it's not apparent already, the median age in this room is 12. Mental level.

Mental level. No, okay. Honestly, come back on after you've been. I want to tell you about it. Yeah. I think it'll be fun. I'm not taking my girlfriend, so that's going to be good. Good.

Just leaving her in it. The old ball and chain. You mentioned before that you are currently living together. Yeah. She's moved in because she's a nurse and she's got placement at Royal Melbourne. Uh-huh. So she's living with you. Yeah.

She's moved into my apartment and that's all right. I've got a housemate, but she's in my room. And immediately, she just wanted to see how we would live together. And within two days, it already has come down to my childishness. Like she has to get up at sort of, she has to get up at 5.30 in the morning to make her placement. I don't have to get up till very late. You don't have to get up. I don't have to get up.

But I'll get up earlier. Like I'd set an alarm for 10 minutes earlier and wake up and then come back in and shake her and say, hey, I made you breakfast in bed. And she's like, thanks. And she wakes up and turns around and I just have my pants down. You're 24? 25? 23.

That'll still be hilarious. At 48. At 110. You'd had your dick on the stove as well. 23, great. And that'll still be hilarious at 48. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At 110. You'd had your dick on the stove as well. That is commitment. George Forman grill. That's the real one. What time do you generally get up?

What's your wake-up time? A few days a week I promote. Oh, yeah, okay. You get up a few days a week. Yeah, I get up a few days a week. I sleep long hours. But no, a few days. 9.30, 10?

I set an alarm the other morning for the other day. Before I went to bed, I set an alarm for 12.30 in the afternoon. That's depressing. You don't have to set that. But that's sad, isn't it? The sun of your soul. I don't want to waste too much of the day. So you mentioned promoting.

You've done that. How long have you done that? Selling tickets. Stop saying promoting. You're selling tickets. Door to door, hass Door to door Hassling people Intruding on people's lives Hassling people out of their life savings

Yeah Getting You go to You go to houses You go to houses No hold on Hear me out I don't go to houses

You go to houses You find pensioners You bash their kids You get their watches You rob them You tell them their watches are worth You take their Rolexes You tell them

That an equivalent of that is a ticket for the Monday night show at the Comics Lounge. Yeah, there's going to be prank calls. Yeah. No, what I do, I go business to business. I'm a hawker, technically. Do you wear a suit? Do you dress up?

No. You said that like the idea of that is so repulsive. First of all, why would anyone take me seriously anyway? And if I was in a suit, I don't know, anyone that knows, if you see me in a suit, you just assume that I'm being an arse? Like, there's no good reason. I have that same problem. Any time I wear a suit, I feel like it doesn't look like,

oh, he looks suave. I feel like it looks like he's gone into his dad's wardrobe and played pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Daslow's got a job as a mascot somewhere. There's a dickhead factory. Yeah, thatler's got a job as a mascot somewhere. There's a dickhead factory. Yeah, that's exactly. Oh, Dassler's got to sell bloody rings in the Bourke Street Mall.

Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like. That's exactly what it feels like. You forgot your iPod. I just wear, so not with jeans and a T-shirt, shorts and a T-shirt. Classic combo. Yeah, very good combo. But I get to kick some teeth. I think my favourite, over the past couple of weeks,

a few weeks ago I walked into a Ford dealership in Brighton and there was a group of car salesmen sitting in an office. I just walked in there and I had my folder with me with the tickets and I said, hey guys, my name's Nick Cody, a stand-up comic just down from the Comics Lounge. Carl, if you can yawn closer into the mic next time so it's more obvious. He could be even more bored. One leg on the table, looking at his laptop, yawning into the microphone.

If you could project your, I've already heard this, and explain it right now, that would be great. But yeah, a guy said, what do you want? And I said, I'm just promoting, I'm a stand-up comic, just promoting stand-up comedy. And he said, you haven you want? And I said, I'm just promoting, I'm a stand-up comic just promoting stand-up comedy. And he said, you haven't made me laugh yet. And everyone else in the room started laughing. You fucked up the delivery of that sentence, though.

I'm a stand-up comic doing stand-up comedy. I've seen people kill with that. I just said, promote stand-up. Actually, that's my gear. Sorry, mate. I stole it. And yeah, he just said, you're a stand-up comic. You haven't made me laugh yet. And I said, well, fuck it. You're a he just said, you're a stand-up comic. You haven't made me laugh yet.

And I said, well, fuck it. You're a car salesman and you haven't sold me a car. So it looks like we're both shit at our jobs. If you wouldn't mind shutting up and letting me finish. And all of his mates were, oh. Literally, it was like MTV Yo Mama. Yes. Oh, no, you didn't.

How do you feel about parents coming to gigs? Poor segue, I know. What, mine or in do you feel about parents coming to gigs? Poor segue, I know. What, mine or in general? Lots of parents go to gigs. No, no, no, but your parents, did they go to your CD? Yeah, they did. They went, yeah. You're not saying that just barren people should go to gigs?

No one that's actually had an offspring at some stage? Yeah, yeah. You know, my parents have always been pretty cool about coming to shows. I talk about my dad on stage a lot, and he loves it. He'd sign autographs after gigs. Your mum and dad came to your recent CD recording? Yeah. That's literally what I just said.

Oh, I did? I just said that sentence about him. Oh, I was yawning, sorry. He acknowledged it, and then you asked later on. Yeah, and then... If you could yawn again and stare at your laptop channel, that'd be great. I was thinking of things I'd done before. What about your folks, Cody?

Yeah, my parents come along. Yeah? Yeah. Your parents are in a couple of your routines. Some of their famous work on Facebook. Yes. It's a very- Famous Facebook work.

My parents have been in on that. And my parents come along to all different- They'll come along to lounge. They've come along to spleen before. They'll just come and see people in different spots. They like coming along. I always felt awkward at the start because I'm, I don't know, I think I'm honest about certain things that I don't think parents would want to hear,

but they always high-five me. You know what? Most of the big things that I've told that my parents have found out about me, they've found out through just seeing me at gigs. Yeah, exactly. You know? Like having a girlfriend or whatever is like all through them. I'm sleeping around not wearing a condom, but if they were upset with that, I wouldn't

be here. So you didn't wear a bag either, Dad. What do you think of them apples? Shoot them apples out of your vag. Two oranges and an apple. What do you think of that combo? What about in Thailand? What about if women were as bad as us and there were guys over there shooting stuff out of their arseholes?

That would be good. I'd pay double. It must. Surely, like in a back alley somewhere, there must be. Again, I'm going to literally, literally in someone's back alley. If you keep that up, we're not going to be able to refer to you as Carl Chan on the show. We're going to have to give you a name like The Gator or something like that.

You're going to be that guy. If you're going to insist on being that guy. You can't see. I know it's a podcast. You can't see I'm currently wearing a surf necklace and a Hawaiian shirt. Can you investigate? I will investigate because I never thought of that until just then. We'll have you back on after you get back from Thailand.

I want you to try and find, from people on the street, I'm going to say you don't have to go, but you will want to go. I'm going to go and find a show. You'll go, okay. Do you reckon there's a bit of a Disney World kind of gear, where at the end you can get a photo of the show, and your reaction going, whoa! A camera comes flying out of her pussy and takes a picture.

It gets a reaction. A camera comes flying out of her pussy and takes a picture. That's a reaction. Bang! Oh, mighty. Jeez! Jeez. Okay, just to change track completely,

I want to see what you guys think about this. I heard my... Simultaneously, I'm a big fan of... I always used to be obsessed with going to a 21st where you'd see the speech that just went too far. A mate's 21st, his dad got up and made a speech about him and goes, yeah, he's been, you know, pretty good with bringing girls home and stuff. You know, there hasn't been too much of that sort of stuff to worry about. He's not been too promiscuous.

Not like his sister over there. She was out of control. Starts fucking taking pot shots at the sister. It's not even her party and she's just copping fire from him. Those are the three best ones. Recently, now, don't freak out. It's a

funeral story. Should we ask about what you're planning for your 21st in a couple of years' time? Good. Yeah, you had that one. And you look at your laptop, as you said, it's like you've just gone, you've scrolled through an insult bank on Microsoft Word or something that you've got. I just Googled, that's low, dickhead. Yeah.

And I've got that in a dickhead folder. Yeah. So. I was at a funeral end of last year, a guy from my high school. With Brandon. And yeah, not to boast, but I know people who've died. Not to boast, I no longer know some people. Like Reagan? And yeah, not to boast, but I know people who've died. Not to boast, I no longer know some people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My address book is pretty slim. Just ripping pages out of that thing like a motherfucker. Hi, John Edwards. Hi. So we turn up on there and it's what you'd expect

because he died young. But there's one guy, and it was all people from my school who sort of everyone in the room knew, but then this guy had had some friends from outside the school who no one there really knew. And this one guy gets up and starts telling a story, oh, I'm going to miss him so much because he was such a good mate. Like I'll never forget the good times we had. Like one time, you know, went to Bangkok and we're having a great time and we're at a strip joint

and the next thing you know he's being kicked out for punching a stripper in the face and for not paying him and just telling this horrendous story where everyone's like do you realize this isn't a 21st like you're not meant to roast the dead person like but as this i was at one last week and the yeah yeah yeah again i'm fucking yeah so we're there right and the priest gets up tell me what you reckon about this as a as a simile or whatever it is um priest gets up and goes now um it's uh i know I know it's difficult to deal with loss and that's what you're all going through at the moment is the loss of someone in your life.

And it is certainly hard. And I kind of know what it's like to deal with a loss because last weekend on Friday night, we were all at home and the power went out in our house. So we lost our power. So I definitely know what it's like. And you know, in these times,

you've got to find something to hold on to in the darkness to give you hope. our case we just we just lit some candles lit some candles around the house and i'm at the back going is this for real like is this that's the equivalent of uh you're not going to miss your family member if you just put some photos around yeah yeah it's like i just wanted to i don't want to hear about your dead brother it's daytime yeah i Yeah. Just go outside. Get over it. Just say,

look, I know you're sad that you found your son's corpse in his bedroom, but fuck, I had to go out at 10pm and switch the fuse box, right? We've all got issues. Just go to sleep.

That was like, you know what, I really hope that that actually did happen to him on the Friday, that that was like a true story. Because if that's his shtick

that he's just busting out at every funeral that he does, then that is just appalling. Way to relate. That is, yeah. Yeah. I had the awkward wedding speech. I went to a wedding, grand final day, not the first one.

They weren't priests. They planned it for the weekend after the grand final. Yeah, they were stitched up. Yeah, it's not their fault. It's happened bloody twice in 100 years. Did they have people cancel? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they did. And I sort of Did they have people cancel? Ah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they did. And they... I sort of feel like you couldn't be friends with someone after that. If they cancelled on your wedding. Yeah. Not coming to an overseas wedding is one thing, but not coming because you want to watch a grand final. Really?

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. If it was your team, I reckon, fair enough. If it's not your team... Really? It's a bit harder.

Really? Even then? But also, surely, it depends how not your team, it's a bit harder. Really? Even then. But also, surely, it depends how good of friends they are. Yeah, exactly. If it's like acquaintance, you'd understand. But if it's a best mate, oh, mate, my team is on. Yeah. It's not like you've got nothing to do with that team except you watch them.

I was speaking to a guy who went to a wedding that was the last time. I would find that pretty hard, I'd have to admit. If it was my team and they hadn't been in a grand final for 20 years or something, and then it's like... Because I've got a thing about weddings where it's like, you know, I don't see the point of going. I find both the wedding and the grand final equally retarded to attend. That's fair, that's fair.

I don't care. I was speaking to a guy who went to a friend of his wedding the last time it happened, the last time it was a draw and grand final, so the rematch. And he said there was a guy up the front of the service. Yeah, into the mic. There was a guy up the front of the service, the whole thing, that had a little earpiece in. He had his little fucking Walkman there. And he was just listening to it the whole way through.

But then doing hand signs back to the rest of the church. So everyone could see, like, when it was a goal, he'd sort of do a bit of cheeky-tooth thing in the air. Put a semaphore. Yeah. And he was just listening to it the whole way through. But then doing hand signs back to the rest of the church so everyone could see, like, when it was a goal, he'd sort of do a bit of cheeky-to-cheek on the air. Put a surmaphore. Yeah. My mum mad Essendon supporter. Like, went to every game for, like, 15 years or something before I was born and just came into the world and ruined her life. And so she went to every single game.

And on their wedding day, Essendon was playing, and there were people up the back of the church with a radio that were listening to the game and the priest would say, all right, time it, what's the score? And the guy from the back would yell the score and Essendon were winning and everyone was like, yeah, continue. Which is what I think a wedding should be. But the wedding speech, the priest made a very awkward thing where he's like, a lot of people think a wedding is about how the two people will get along,

but it's not about that. The main thing you have to realize, a marriage will only work. As long as the power's on. As long as the power's on and your mate's not dead. He gets around. No, he just said, it's all right, you guys get along,

that is a big thing, but if God, God is the main thing. And it was this thing where half of the room were quite religious and like, yeah, and the other half

of the room were just like, this is the most retarded thing I've ever heard in my life. Like, you two guys, it's irrelevant if this is going to workarded thing I've ever heard in my life you two guys it's irrelevant if this is going to work just stick anyone together just bloke upstairs

if the old fucking love calculator up there doesn't approve then it's not on well you're in his house it's fair you're in his house

it's under his rules don't have it in the fucking garden if you want to don't want to hear that shit if you also try to make a master chef analogy

master chef comparison what are all these comparisons and similes going on why doesn't anyone I don't want to hear that shit. You also try to make a MasterChef analogy. MasterChef comparison. What are all these comparisons and similes going on? Why doesn't anyone understand what someone dying or someone getting married is? Yeah, you're right. You're right. They're two pretty... You know what marriage is like? Yeah, I do.

I didn't know why I was here until you brought up how a cake was made. Yeah. And then I realized there are two main ingredients. Yeah. Somehow I've stumbled through life without knowing what the concept of marriage is, but I know what MasterChef is. Here's another great weird thing for a priest to say that happened at high school. You were asking for it?

I knew that was coming. Mate. Oh, and he was too. I saw that. Yeah. I actually took a run up on that. Oh, he was too. I saw that, yeah.

I actually took a run up on that. This is something that I still to this day don't understand. In chapel once, a rev or whatever got up and he told us this story about, you know, there was this boy and his dad, and the dad made the little boy get up on the step and made him jump off, and then he caught him, and then he made him go up on the second step, and he jumped off, and he caught him again. He made him go up the third step, and he jumped off again and caught him jump off and then he caught him and then he made him go up on the second step and he jumped off and he caught him again. He made him go up the third step and he jumped off again and caught him.

Goes on and on and on. Goes up till the tenth step, still catching him. The jump's getting higher and higher and he's catching him every time. Gets up onto the very highest step and goes, come on, son, jump down, I'll catch you. The son jumps. The dad doesn't catch him.

The boy hits his head and starts crying and going, why didn't you catch me? Why didn't you catch me? And the dad goes, just to show you that you can't trust anyone in this world, not even me. And then the bell went and it was like, anyway, lunchtime. Oh, they're going, what the fuck was the point of that lesson? Where is that tale from?

And all you did was go to the cafeteria and refuse to eat anything because you didn't know if the lunch lady put salmonella in anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a fucking odd lesson to give out. And there was no... I don't remember there being any... Like, not this is a story or a fable from. It's just some old man being a cunt to his little kid.

And was this a... You said the... What is it? The vicar, the priest, whatever it is? A reverend. The reverend, yeah. I'm more surprised. So you can't trust the big bloke?

According to him. Yeah, that's a little bit. Is that it? Yeah. Right. How come when I jumped off, there was two footprints and a face print in the floor of the building? That's because your dad's a shit bloke. He just does that.

He does that every week, but he's just concussed, so he can never remember that it happened. You know what I'm more surprised about is that he tells that story, and the kid's jumping off steps, and the steps are getting higher and higher up. So those steps are getting further up. Like, that kid's got to jump a further distance. Yeah, I didn't really get that. Do you get what I mean? So the kid's got to jump a further distance to get to the point

where the dad has to catch him. Yeah. So I'd be more intrigued about that kid's quite athletic. Yeah, you're right. Why didn't you catch me? Because I want you to be in the lead. Because he wasn't standing on the 10th step to catch you. By the time he's clearing it from the top step,

he's definitely got some track and field ability that his dad is kind of just ruining by letting him fucking shatter his knees on the... Why didn't your army roll, you queer? You've been jumping off this top step the whole time. If you can't take a fall, what are you taking this big risk for? Well, maybe he didn't say at the end, the lesson is you can't trust anything.

At the end he said, sorry, mate, you didn't make the athletics team. If you can't clear that 12th step, then you're not going to fucking Beijing. Yeah. I still cannot work out what the lesson is meant to be. What, as a young schoolboy, I was meant to take away from that. Fuck you, Dad. Well, whatever's missing from your life now is probably because you didn't figure that out. Oh my God, so much.

Put the puzzle together, mate. Let's go jump off some steps. Okay, I trust you. Would you catch me? If I fall, will you catch me? Will you be there waiting? Yeah, okay. No, why would he be? You're asking the guy that walked in, saw magic appear.

This is going to be failure! You're watching this all and then that'll be a ten minute story at the top of the next episode. Could I have helped them by going up to them and saying, look, I'm a good bloke, I just want you to know don't do your act because you're shit. I feel like you really would have helped them.

Why in the toughest time of my life, Chandler, was there only one set of footprints? Oh, because I ran off and told all my mates what a dumb cunt you're about to be. Hey, I think that brings us to the end of this maiden episode. We're about out of time. But, yep.

Keep an eye out for Nick Cody. Keep an eye out for him selling tickets. It was a lesson to get all your shots, just in general. You can only catch AIDS once. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for listening. We'll be back here next week with presumably a less sexually

explicit episode. Sorry, guys. Sorry to be hurtful, guys. That's fine. Hey, that's okay. Well, thanks for listening, everyone. It's thanks to you, Cody. Thank you for joining us. Tune in next time. The Little Dumb Dumb Club. Tommy Dassolo,

Carl Chandler. Thanks again, Nick Cody. Sign out. We'll see you next time. See you, mates. See you, mates.