The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 103 - The Nelson Twins

Episode Date: September 9, 2012

Hollywood is Calling, Jokes about Dannii and Half Houses. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again to the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Thank you very much for joining us. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, everyone's mate, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. How are you going? I'm everyone's mate now, that's good. You're everyone's mate.

You've finally, after 103 episodes, you've been upgraded. Yeah, that's good. I like being mates with people. You used to be mates with only about 50% of people, but in the car on the way here, I've decided, no, you know what? I think he's everyone's mate now. I listened to last week's episode and I was like, I sound all right. I sound like a decent person.

That's the nicest thing you've ever said about me, because purely by not hanging shit on me, you've said a nice thing about me. Hey, I want to talk about this. This is something that came up in our 100th episode, which if you were at or if you heard it, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the internet as a whole. We got a congratulatory message from actor Vernon Wells, that a listener of the show, his name is Graham McLaughlin, organised for us. Where's Graham?

Is Graham in America? He's in America, yeah. I think he might be in Canada. Right. Yeah. That's not in America. Okay. Yeah.

He's either in Canada or America. Right. Yeah. So he organised that through a service called HollywoodIsCalling.com. Yeah. And it got me thinking, because you've obviously got to have a US number to do it or a Canadian number. It got me thinking, I want more people to get us messages

through Hollywood Is Calling. I want people to get more obscure celebrities to inflate our egos with messages about the little dum-dum club. So I went on hollywoodiscalling.com and I had a look at who they've got there. This is just some highlights that I found. Lou Ferrigno, the original Hulk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get him to call in.

That'd be good. Yeah. Isn't he on How I Met Your Mother as well or something like that? Is he? I think he is. Oh, wow. That'd be great. Yeah.

He wouldn't be doing Hollywood is Calling if he's on How I Met Your Mother. He wouldn't need to be making the coin off that, surely. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't that. Maybe it making the coin off that, surely. Yeah. Maybe it wasn't that. Maybe it was another show that was like that. Yeah. Tommy Habib, the host of Cheaters. Okay.

Yeah. He'd be good. Man, that would be a bit of a freak out to get the call from him. Yeah. That'd be great. The other one I really like, three-time world wrestling champion Diamond Dallas Page. I've never heard of that. You can get a call from him.

He's a wrestler. He's like an old wrestler. Do you know? Have you heard of that guy? I've never heard of that. You can get a call from him. He's a wrestler. He's like an old wrestler. Do you know, have you heard of that guy? I've heard of him before. Okay. Yeah. So let's, you know, if you're an American listener of the show, spend a bit of money and get us a call, record it on a voicemail thing and send it in.

I'd love to get. How much do they cost? I don't know. I think it's like 15 bucks or something. Oh, wow. Yeah. But that would be great. There's like, there's heaps more on there.

Yeah. Yeah. Anything kind of remotely obscure or good would be great. And it's got to be like the Vernon Wells one where it seemed like he had next to no information about the thing he was talking about. Yeah. I think also if you live in Australia, just if you see any celebrities on the street, get them to record a message to us also.

Yeah. Why not? And we should mention this too. Speaking of America, we did mention this too, speaking of America, we did mention this a couple of weeks ago, but it kind of got stepped on. We are going back. We are going to be back in America in November.

Yeah. And doing a live Dum Dum Club in LA on November 23rd. We'll have more details about that later. Yeah. And speaking of this Vernon Wells thing, it's got me thinking, we should try and, we've already had a couple of people message us saying that they've got bizarre links to Vernon Wells.

We should try and get him on the show. We should do a Dum Dum Club with Commandos Vernon Wells. All right. Mad Max 2, Vernon Wells. All right. See if you can get it right. You don't seem as enthused about that as I thought you'd be. You know what?

I think I can just see how that's a very funny idea at the moment. And when we're confronted with Vernon Wells at a show, I don't know if it would be as good. But I'm happy. I'm happy to do it. Like, we don't know anyone else. We can just even chat to him for five minutes and then package that in with something else. Something good. Sure.

Maybe we can try and meet one of the actors from Friday Night Lights. Maybe we can try and get them on the show. I'll do this quickly as well. You know, we get some nice feedback on iTunes and on Twitter and on Facebook and all that sort of stuff. You know, we very rarely get anything negative. We got one. We got a negative one.

On iTunes? On iTunes. Have you read this one? This is from a little while ago? Yeah, from 20th of July. I don't check it that regularly, so I've just seen it. From Fugu. Fugu.

20th of July. Not funny. One star out of five. The review. Two more weak Australian comedians. Spelt T-O-O. Two more. Two more weak Australian comedians.

More Will Anderson, Hughsy type humor that does not touch the likes of Greg Fleet or some of the other guests that have been on. So we're not as good as the people, the show's not as good as some of the shows. Is that the review? Yeah.

And Hughsy's also spelled H-U-S-E-Y. Or maybe he's saying it's not, we're not as funny as Mike Hussey. Yeah, or it could be still a misspelling, but we're not as funny as Huey Lewis and the News. Yeah, that is, I did read that and that's bizarre. Like, because doing this, you don't get, you know, people find it and listen to it or they don't. Like, it's so weird to get someone to be, they've obviously listened to a lot. Yeah, well, they're saying, oh, it's not as good as Greg Fleet. Well, Greg Fleet's been on the show a couple of times.

Yeah. And also learned a spell. Fuck it. No, Fugoo. Fugoo, sorry. Fugoo. Sorry, I've misread that. Fugsy.

Big shout out to Fugsy. I wonder if he still listens. He or she. Yeah, if you're Fugoo, please. Email us. Call in. Call in. Get a voicemail of yourself.

Get a voicemail of yourself necking yourself. Today on the program, two guests. You may have seen them on the last season of Australia's Got Talent. Please welcome into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Chris and Justin Nelson, a.k.a. the Nelson twins. Thanks for having us, boys. Thank you. Now, that was two separate voices just for the listeners at home.

It's going to be heaps of twin jokes. It's going to be all stuff you've never heard before. Now, you guys were great on the last season of Australia's Got Talent. People know you from that. There's also, I discovered today, there's an American rock band of two brothers with the last name Nelson called Nelson. So I'm thinking those two things combined, this should be, by rights, the most downloaded episode we've ever had. This should send us into the stratosphere, those two factors combined.

Is that fair? Yes, that would be fair. And are they American or Canadian, those two? Well, it's the same thing. Yeah, that's right. There's no need for us to be going into this. Let's just go with North American. Let's go with a continent.

Is it possible that someone's tried to get a voicemail message of the Nelson twins in America and gotten you guys instead? That could be a thing. Well, we did turn up to play a concert at Rod Laver Arena once, and, yeah, it was weird. I don't think those two have ever played Rod Laver Arena. Yeah, you're on Australia's Got Talent now. What I like about the whole Nelson Twins, because your last name is Nelson,

but what I like is because I see... Is that what you like about it? No, no, no. Factual. Yeah, yeah. Well, compared to what I'm about to say, because when you guys first started, you started as the Logan Twins. That's right.

There was a bit of a phenomenon. How do you say that word? Phenomenon. Phenomenon. On Big Brother where they had the Logan Twins and we thought we'd just cash in on it. And well, as everybody knows, they went downhill. No one knows who they are anymore. And we had to change our name.

They dragged you down. Had they have gone on to be famous, we might have been a little more further advanced in our career. Yeah, but there would have been two pairs of twins called the Logan twins. Even better. The Logan quads. You guys could have joined up Avengers style. That would have been great. I found that very funny that it was just that thing where it was like,

oh, that's famous for one second and that's gone now. Shit. Yeah, that's why I changed my name from Tommy Hot Dogs. Yeah. Similar thing. I also liked it that you guys went, oh, we need a gimmick. You know, we'll call ourselves Idle Logans. We're identical twins with beards down to our knees, but that's cool.

We need a hook though. We need a hook. I'd forgotten all about that. I mean, both in terms of you guys doing it and the Logan twins even was a thing. Like the Big Brother version of it. Because what was it? It was two contestants in Big Brother and it was twins, but they would switch them in and out of the house.

Parent trap style? Yeah. Everyone thought there was only one of them in the house and then they... Was that it? Yeah. That was it? Yeah. Back then, did you guys have beards?

I can't remember. We had small beards Small beards Yeah yeah You've got quite Massive ones now Well we were born With beards really

It was I've just taken off In the last couple of years That sounded like It was going to be a bit For a second Yeah And then Justin

Cut me off Yeah This is a podcast You're not trying new material Yeah I was just going to say We were born with Beardy fetiosis

It's a rare condition Yeah Yeah Or fetal beardiosis I'm not trying new material. Yeah. I was just going to say we were born with beardy fetiosis. It's a rare condition. Yeah. Or fetal beardiosis, actually, is what it's called. Fetal beardiosis. Fetal beardiosis. Oh, okay. Yeah.

All right. I'm just going to take that as fact because it wasn't funny. Thanks for backing me up, Johnson. A lot of people have that disease in Canada out here. Now, Australia's Got Talent. Now, look, full disclosure, I've been doing some work with you boys. You know, you guys have been on Australia's Got Talent and whatever, and I've been doing some work in terms of, you know, working out some jokes,

working on jokes with you guys and whatever. So we've got a bit of a history recently. We've been working together quite a bit. We've got a history, Carl. We've got a bit of a history recently. Yeah, been working together quite a bit. We've got a history, Carl. Yeah, yeah. We've got a bit of a history recently. Yeah, yeah. I'm like the third Logan twin in a way. Well, what actually happens, Carl, is I email you all my pages of crap and you turn it into gold.

That's what we pay you for. Yeah, a little bit of that, a little bit of that. But that's what I like. That's what I like about Australia's Got Talent though because, you know, you guys were on there quite a bit recently. You were on there every second week or whatever. So we were working together to churn out some stuff so you'd have new gear every week and whatever. But what I liked the most about it is that you guys were on nationally big scene TV and whatever.

And you guys were sort of a bit oblivious in the way that you just go, so can you give us some new jokes where you just hang shit on Danny Minogue and, you know, just really stick the boots in, you know, like something where it ends up she's an ugly slut at the end or something. And I'm like going, yeah, that's great. That's an easy joke to write. You've come to the right bloke. That's an easy joke to write. But let's remember that what her title in the show is Judge.

Hence why we didn't win the show. Yeah, that's right. But you're saying that to them while you're double-clicking the folder that already exists on your computer just labelled Danny Minogue is a slut. Yeah. Well, it's a shame because I was going to use that for myself. You should go on it next year. Oh, no.

I don't think so. It's not the sort of show... I don't know. But that was the thing because you guys took a bit of talking in too to go on there. It wasn't a thing where you wanted to go on there at the start. We did indeed. We originally weren't going to go on it. We thought we were selling our souls doing reality TV, and it probably turned out to

be the best thing that we've ever done, wasn't it, Chris? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, well, that's the thing. This is what I didn't get, because it's like, you guys, it's TV. It's great. Whereas you guys are like, oh, I don't know, selling out. It's like, okay, well, good luck doing your $200 gig at the Moorabbin Football Club tomorrow night.

Keep your artistic merit out there. Yeah, that's right. Also, where do you come from? Oh, you fuckhead. We're actually worried about what other comics would think about us going on the show. Yeah, and we're quite surprised that other comics were really supportive of us going on there. Yeah, for sure.

To your faces, but behind your backs, jeez, it has been a bloodbath. Yeah. I've been writing a lot of material for other comics hanging shit on you, so... Hence the reason why we're the 103rd act to come on this show.

Well, we just didn't have enough microphones before now. Yeah, that's right. I didn't realise you'd done so many shows. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was 102 other people

that have done this show before us. No, no, no. I don't know if this is going to sound better or worse, but we've had other people on multiple times. Yeah, that makes me feel a little bit better. It really could go either way. We could get the Nelson twins to come on and do a whole original thing

or we can get Fleety to come back three times. Yeah, yeah. Well, it doesn't make any difference to Fugu. Yeah, yeah. And you guys cost a lot less than Fleety as well. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But, you know, the good thing is working with you boys, you know, it's good because, you know,

it's good to get a bunch of writing. And it's quite, it's a lot easier for me to write, like, stuff with you guys because it tends to be me sitting down with a, with a, open up a Word document and just literally put subheaders that go, Beards look the same, small country Country Town, Beards Part 2. I came into your house one day and you were doing some work for them and just literally standing in front of the mirror with a pad going, if this was real, if this was another me in the room, what would I be thinking right now?

He also had a fake beard on and a yellow jacket. Yeah. But that's the – it was funny when I first started with you guys. It's quite intimidating, though, because it's like, you know, if you do a small gig as a stand-up gig and there's only two people in the room, it's a bit freaky, especially when I'm doing it to two other comics because I have to read out those jokes to you guys. I have to pitch them to you guys.

And you guys have just got this look on your face like going, am I really paying for this? Did you try and do it in their voices? These guys could probably tell you more about what I would do. I'll tell you what Carl does. He gets his hands up. So picture this at home, right? He has one hand each side of his ear and he has little hand puppets.

And he pretends to be the Nelson Prince. It's bloody hilarious. And his eyebrows go up and down. No, no, no, no. I write that into the joke, to be fair. I put that in italics. I put Furrow's brow in italics. He actually writes a pointer, please move your eyebrow now.

And when you are writing the jokes for them, Carl, do you write with Chris and Justin specifically in mind or do they all look the same to you? It is quite racist comedy, yeah. No, I do. I put the names in. It just doesn't really matter. Yeah, because it was the thing where, you know, do you guys still do that?

Because you had a thing where one of you was going to be a bit meaner than the other, but I don't know if that was just jettisoned or is it still that or not? It goes back and forth, I think. Yeah. Because we genuinely hate each other. So sometimes I'm mean to him and he's mean to me. Yeah.

Because no one's looking at you going, oh, that's the mean one. It's like, you look the same. I can't remember which one the mean one was. And it all depends on the night. It depends who makes a mistake. Whoever makes the first mistake and the crowd turns on one of us, then we ban, the opposite one bans up with the crowd. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, yeah. That's it. It usually ends up with me crying throughout a gig. I think one of the first times I met you guys, I was hosting a gig and you were on and my then girlfriend was sitting near the front and you made a reference to taking her home and spit roasting her. We broke up not long after that, which was actually kind of a good thing. So what I'm trying to say is thank you.

And hope you had fun. Did we actually do that? You did actually fuck my ex-girlfriend, yes. Yeah. No, she – yeah, we were in the car on the way home and she was very upset. Not upset, just angry, like, those fucking guys and then I'm having to try and defend your spit-roasting jokes on an artistic, creative level. You know, what they're actually commenting on is.

We were actually trying to do you a favour and fire her up a bit for when you got home. Obviously that didn't work. Yeah, well, my twin brother was out of town that night. Yeah, that's right. So she didn't go for it. But in hindsight, you now have a new girlfriend. Yes.

So we're actually doing you a favour. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. It's all worked out well. Until he brings her along for a gig that you guys are at again. Until she comes to pick me up from this podcast. Yeah. And the thing is, the weird thing about that is doing work with you guys and writing jokes

has been good, but it's also led to, I've mentioned this on the show a couple of weeks ago, it led to some extra work because of the success, you know, you guys getting through quite a few rounds and it all sort of working out well. I ended up doing work for something that's on TV at the moment, or when this show comes out, when this podcast goes online,

maybe it won't be on, maybe it won't be going anymore. That series will be axed by the time the podcast goes online. I will survive if anyone's watching that in Australia at the moment. I think there are three of you at the moment, so tell your friends. Yeah, I wonder if Channel 10 will change heads of programming five more times before this episode goes online. Well, I will survive.

So for people that don't know, for the rare people that haven't watched the show, all seven trillion of you, what is it, a reality show about people auditioning to go on Priscilla? The prize is you get to be part of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, the stage show, and the reality show is about people. It's trying to find a triple threat, so someone who can dance and act and sing. So there's been shows that do each of those individually, but this is like you've got to be the full package. Yeah.

That's one of those reality shows where they put you through the ringer and do all this stuff that's sort of not really connected with doing this stage show at all. They're just taking them out in country towns and getting them to dress up in drag and then having Hicks go, I am literally going to bash you. And then they just run out of town and roll the credits.

Yeah, and Fred Flintstone's feet running on the spot, noise plays as they head out of town. Yeah, pterodactyls biting them, stuff like that. But I read today, like, the prize was originally going to be you got to be in the spot, noise plays as they head out of town. Yeah, pterodactyls biting them, stuff like that. But I read today, like, the prize was originally going to be you got to be in the cast, you got to play Hugo Weaving's role that he played in the film, you got to play that in the Broadway production. But the Broadway production's closed down.

Yeah. So that prize doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, yeah. So they've just gone, oh, we'll give you accommodation in New York for a month. Is that what it is? Yeah, we'll get on Airbnb and we'll get you a spot in someone's bungalow.

Get you a double pass to Cats. Yeah. Wow. Well, that's the thing. I don't think my episode's going to go to air because what I did was write some stand-up. I was sort of a bit like I shouldn't talk about this, but I think this is going to be axed by the time we finish this podcast. So I'm just going to talk about it.

I don't care. Because I had to write, there's a week where they have to do stand-up. Yeah. And I don't know if they actually filmed it or not, but I had to write stand-up for these guys that are, I don't think they're going to be dressed as women when they're doing stand-up. I don't think, but they're, I hope not because none of the material is about being dressed as a woman.

So they're all going to be on stage in lipstick and a dress, not referring to the fact that they're a man dressed as a woman. Was that what you were like when you were writing for the Nelsons? I don't know if they're wearing the beards or not. I haven't referenced that, so I hope this... Well, if that episode doesn't get up, maybe I can just sell those jokes to you boys. Yeah, that's right. And if the show doesn't get up, do you still get paid?

Well, that's the thing I'm working on. I think you have to be. I've done the work. Like those guys, like the cameraman can't be like going halfway around the world and then getting home and going, oh, well, the show got fired. So too bad. You know, you just had to go to New York and film stuff and now you don't get any money. So surely I'm getting it.

Surely. Surely. Well, do we still owe Carl money? It depends on how many of those jokes were. I'll give you some sweet stuff about having lippy on. Yeah. But yeah, hey, look, we, I don't know, should we bring this up? Should we mention full disclaimer?

But we do actually share the same managers. Yes. Don't we? Sort of. All four of us. Yeah, yeah. Like we do. That would be weird if one of you guys was with me.

If you're both represented individually. If you're both on a different percentage. Yeah. That's right. Booking you for anything is a goddamn nightmare because you've got to get onto each of your managers to confirm. And what I, I was just having a look at that today because on the website, I won't sort of go into too much detail about everything, but who we do have on the same website as

each of us now, David Hasselhoff. The Hoff. What? Yes. Oh, wow. He's represented in Australia by the same people that we are. Wow. His career's going well by the sound of it.

Well, if he's got the same manager as you guys that didn't get quite through to the last round of a reality show on two podcasters. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Does that mean you're going to get a sweet geek writing material for him next time he's as you guys that didn't get quite through to the last round of a reality show on two podcasters. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Does that mean you're going to get a sweet geek writing material for him next time he's drunk in a gutter eating a hamburger? Well, my point is surely we should be able to get him on the show. Yeah, yeah.

Mate, this time eat some chicken wings. None of this burger shit has been done. Take that to the bank. Yeah, that's old. Yeah, we should be able to get him on the show when we're in LA maybe. Should we? We should. Does he live in LA?

I presume so. Where was Baywatch filmed? LA. LA. Yeah. Well, it's real. He must live there. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it's in LA. Everyone lives in LA, don't they? Who doesn't live in LA? Yeah. He's not going to be a New Yorker, David Hasselhoff, is he? Not gritty enough. Yeah, he's definitely in LA.

You guys went to LA? We did, yeah. For Last Comic Standing? Talking about America, we're going to go to America, but you guys were on Last Comic Standing the last time they involved Australians into it? Yeah, that's correct. We had a very successful career in America that lasted 30 seconds on TV before they said, you crap, go home.

That was pretty early on, though, wasn't it, in your career? Very early on in our careers. I think we'd been going about- Were you still Logans? No. No, we were the Nelson twins. I think we'd only been going less than 12 months when we went out. Oh, really?

And they just rang up and said, we'll fly you to Miami and put you up and you can just come over here and have a holiday for a week. And we just went, yes. Yeah, that's right. Because I think the first time they involved Australian comedians, like they came out and auditioned everyone out here. But that year they flew like 20 of you guys over there. Yeah.

Not 20 of you, two. Just like. 20 sets of twins. The two Nelson twins, the Logan twins, the other Logan twins. The Veronica's. And we met up with the Olsen twins over there. Yeah. Two thirds of ZZ Top. Yeah. twins the other veronicas and we met up with the olsen twins over there two-thirds of zz top yeah but um yeah so you went over there with like 20 people or something like that because i i really

enjoyed it when you guys were on because of your attitude because all i saw was you know the end product or whatever but you'd see a heap of people go through and it's that horrible i did it myself when they flew out here i did the process of auditioning for the judges and you go in there and it's like these three judges looking very meanly at you. And this is the only time it's ever happened to me in standard, but I went out there, I started doing gear because they're all comics. Of course, they're not going to laugh unless it's like really good. And so I'm just throwing out one liners and they're just giving me nothing.

Absolutely not. Just staring me down. And my legs started to shake. My legs were actually shaking. I don't know if it was visible or what, but it got to the end of the audition and then one of the guys, what was his name? Alonzo Bowden? Yeah.

Yeah, Alonzo Bowden. It got to the end of the audition. Alonzo, they just sort of stopped me about five jokes, six jokes in. And then Alonzo Bowden looked at the CV of me or whatever and goes, yeah, now, Carl, you seem like you've done a lot of stuff and you've been on TV and stuff. So why isn't this better? And he was actually on the show himself a few seasons before, wasn't he? That's weird. Was he?

I think so, yeah. Yeah, he's a comedian, but he's not massive, massive, is he? That's weird. Was he? Yeah. I think so, yeah. Yeah, he's a comedian, but I don't know. He's not massive, massive, is he? I think after that day he went and registered the iTunes account Fugu and he's come back all these years to haunt you. Right, so he's not Australian. That's why he can't spell Husey. Husey auditioned for Last Coming Standing.

What are you so angry about? It says here you get a lot of work. You're on breakfast. Are you of work. You're on breakfast. Are you cranky? You're on breakfast radio. You got up too early this morning? That was it. But yeah, watching you guys was funny because of your attitude.

You're over there and you're doing jokes and they're just sort of going, oh, yeah, you know, oh, yeah. And then they go, they stop you. But unlike me, when they stopped me, I was just like, I just went to water and just went, oh, when can I leave? They stopped you guys. And you're like, yeah, so just put us through. And they're like, nah. And you're like, nah, go on. And they're like, oh, sorry, guys, but you're not through.

So anyway. And then you guys are like, nah, just put us through, though. That was the funny thing, Carl, is that we only said that once and they just cut and pasted. Really? That's right. Yeah. And they virtually said nothing after we'd done our set.

And then when it went to air, there was all this banter between the judges that they'd never even said when we were there. The things that the judges said were said as a piece to camera once we'd left. Wow. It took the opportunity to stab us right in the back. So don't believe everything you see on reality TV. Oh, man, I wonder what they were saying about me behind my back. They already said rotten enough stuff to my face.

Man, that's so good. But we went over there with the attitude. You could tell that we were just way out of our depth. Right. But we just went over there with the attitude of a free holiday and hanging out with some awesome comics that we idolised. Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. So Australia's Got Talent, you know, you were doing all that stuff recently,

you know, around people such as Kyle Sanderlands. Did you get any FaceTime behind the scenes with the man himself? Yeah, we did get a little bit of FaceTime with Kyle. And it's not true what everyone says. He's exactly opposite to what you think, if you think he's a good bloke. Now, is that one of Carl's that you want? Yes. I thought that sounded familiar.

It's paid for itself? Yes, that's right. I am currently handing Carl a $50 note as we speak. I was going to say, do I get royalties? Do I get royalties? Do I need to contact APRA because of that or not? Now, every time I say something funny, are you guys going to refer to the fact that Carl wrote it? Carl, did you write that one?

Man, he's using my powers against me. Finally, I was writing for you in Miami. Yes, that's right. You may never have come home. Where were you then? It would have been, go on, just put us through. You cunts. I would have been more likely to be writing gear for the judges, stabbing them in the back once they left.

They just send you a photo of a comic that you've never met and you just have to tee off on them for a page. We actually asked them when we were over there if we could take Carl with us and they said, no, he was the guy who stunk it out the year before. It's just nice to be remembered. Some kind of legacy. So, Carl, in all seriousness, was he nice to you guys backstage? Was he a fan of what you were doing?

Because the cameras are one thing. Those guys weren't really big fans of comedy either. I remember you guys saying that they were just sort of almost a new concept to them. Yeah, that's right. He took everything we said in great spirit, Kyle. Or Kyle. What's his name? Kyle. Yeah, that's right. Remember him well. I'm Kyle. Yeah, that's right. He took everything we said in great spirit, Kyle, because, or Kyle, what's his name? Kyle. Yeah, that's right, yeah.

I'm Kyle. Yeah, you're Kyle. I get that a lot. See, you didn't write this down before the show, Kyle. There was so much stuff that we wanted to say and we weren't allowed to say it. Now, I did my research on some of the judges and I don't know if you knew this, Justin, but Kyle Sandlands, when he was a teenager, used to listen to John Denver songs and cry.

Where would you have found that information? Wikipedia. We weren't allowed to say any of that sort of stuff. We gave him a little bit of stick, but not as much as we wanted to. Yeah. There was stuff that was, what was the joke? There was, I think I wrote a joke for you guys that they said you're not allowed to use.

What was the joke again? Oh, what? That probably would have been about Danny Minogue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that one? Yeah. Everything with Danny Minogue was off limits. We weren't allowed to do any jokes about her at all. Oh, that's right. Wasn't it something like because you guys were saying,

hi, I'm Justin, I'm Chris. I'm the popular one, I'm the unpopular one. Kind of like, you know. Yeah, that's right. We tried to refer to Danny's older sister, hi, I'm Justin, I'm Chris, I'm the popular one, I'm the unpopular one, kind of like, you know. Yeah, that's right. We tried to refer to Danny's older sister, Kylie, as the popular one, and they said absolutely not. That was weird, given that it was on the same day that she got divorced or whatever. Yeah, that's right.

And I had an interesting run-in with Danny as well. It was the morning of the semi-final. Hang on, it wasn't a similar thing to Deslo's girlfriend. Yeah, I was going to say. Is that why they got divorced? No, it was the day of the semi-final of the show and I woke up that morning with some pimples on my face and I went into make-up.

Every girl's worst night. Yeah, that's right. Finally a difference. And I was in make-up and Danny Minogue walked in and she said, oh, that is so unlucky that you've got pimples on your face. I don't have pimples on my face. And I said, yeah, that's because it's not your face. Now, did that actually happen?

No, I made that up. Oh, man, he's got some other writer working for him. Jesus Christ. He's had an earpiece in, Carl's in a flower bed at the front. Hey, can you give me that 50 bucks back I gave you? Can I buy that off you so I can resell it to you in a year when you forget it? I like that they kind of look down their noses a bit at comedy. Like, it's like, oh, comedy, that's a bit naff.

Anyway, bring on the juggling dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, who are they? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. So what happened in the final? They had a bit of a...

Was it the final final that you guys came back for? But you weren't actually competing in it, but you were just part of the episode? We come back for the announcement of the winner. Right. Yeah, so we got to do another performance on the actual announcement show, which is different to the grand final and the live final and the qualifying final. But you got to... and what was the set up? Wasn't it like, you know, the best of comedy on Australia's Got Talent?

There was other comedians, wasn't there? Yeah, it was a comedy, what was it? A comedy fight club. Yeah, they invited back the old fella and Ben Price from last year. Oh, great. We teamed up with the old fella and he wore his yellow jacket. And we defeated Ben Price and Sam McCool. How do you defeat someone?

How did it work? It was a joke off in the four corners. So every comedian did their one minute piece. And then at the end, they got the crowd to vote. Okay. It would have been great if Ben Price had come out and done an impression of you guys. Yeah. That would have been an awesome way to take you on.

Because Ben Price is an impressionist, right? He does stuff on morning radio or something. But what I liked, my favorite bit was the day after you guys recorded it, he put up a photo with, he took a picture of himself with you guys, and he had a jumper on saying, I'm back. And it's like, who are you? He's a ripper guy. But my opening line on that comedy fight

club was Ben Price doing a fantastic job at impersonating a bad comedian. I wish I'd written that. And that was a bit of an in-joke between comics, because I don't think the audience really appreciated it. Or the other 1.6 million people. Did that go to air? It didn't go to air, though.

I think it did go to air. Oh, really? Yeah, it was the bit where no one laughed. You know, because those talent show things kind of always go around for comics and stuff, and I think you guys are in the perfect position to do it because you've got, you know, you're very visual and you've got a different, you've got a hook. You've got an angle, yeah. You've got an angle.

Got some great jokes. You've got a hook. You've got an angle, yeah. You've got an angle. Got some great jokes. My fear is always with that stuff, like, you know, you're just leaving yourself open to them. Like we've been talking about with Last Comic Standing, like re-editing you and even if you do a good job,

just splicing it up and going, oh, look at this idiot. Yeah, yeah. What a clown. That was obviously part of our apprehension to do the show as well because we didn't want another, you know, Last Comic Standing thing to happen to us in Australia in our own backyard. It would have been devastating. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But in their defense, they were quite good, weren't they? They were really accommodating and they wanted to get some comedy on TV, which let's hope that it opens up the door for a few other comics to go on there and get some profile. For sure. Yeah. No, it's a real shame they didn't put you guys. Because, you know, when you have a final, you want it to be a showcase.

You don't want everything to be the same. It's like, what, you can't fit one bit of comedy on there? Yep. And you guys did well every moment that you went through. Like, when you got knocked out, like, it was just before the final, wasn't it? Why did you get knocked out? Was there anything said, or did they just not vote you through? We just didn't have enough votes.

Like, the demographic of voters for that show is 14, 15-year-old girls. And I can't see why we didn't get through. It doesn't make sense. I noticed that. Is it phone? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And also, some of those other acts. If it's not obvious, I didn't vote for you. I voted a lot of times just to make sure I got more work. You spent your entire paycheck up until that point just on phone calls. So that backfired. But then Alonzo Bowden was voting for the other kids. Yeah. But I did notice that because you guys were on Twitter

and I noticed that you had a lot of 12-year-old followers and stuff like that. Yes. Well, our Twitter profile went through. How did you notice that? Because I looked through. That just sounds so creepy. I've noticed a lot of 12-year-olds on the internet.

I was Googling 12-year-olds, and it just popped up that they like the Nelson twins. Actually worked the other way around. 12yearoldforums.com. Yeah. Just post after post about the Nelson twins. Hey, guys, what do you think about One Direction? Oh, we like the Nelson twins. I know them.

Sorry, I cut you off. I was just going to say, our Twitter profile went through the roof after doing Australia's Got Talent. We went from having, I think, six or seven followers to 13 or 14. Massive. We've actually had a lot of inquiries as well for 13, 14-year-old birthday parties. Really? Yes.

Yes. And when we reply and say, you know, this is our price, some people are really offended. What is your price? Well, it's not 50 bucks. I'm hairy, Brett. Is that what they... What do they expect for a birthday party? What do they expect?

They want us to come and perform at their party and entertain all their friends and family. But like, what, for 100 bucks? Yeah, for like 100 bucks. We get these random emails from people saying, please come and perform at my house. Yeah. And also our-

Because we've got the same manager, I often get those gigs after you come back. Please come to my daughter's birthday party and give her the Minogue. Call her an old slush with a botched up face. I just get in there. I just take your gig and go in there and treat everything as a pinata. Just smash the smash the joint out

but has it you saying it's a have you been getting street recognition because you both very you know you've got a very memorable

I guess look it must be hard to know whether it's because of the show or because it's two identical twins with beards down to their knees

where people are just going hey yeah I'm pretty sure people abusing us out car windows isn't anything to do with TV. Because one time I was at the airport with you guys and it was just a little snapshot into your new lives, I guess, because it was just people just beeping the horn going, yeah! And you guys going, yep.

We loved you on X Factor. That's a cool one. That's right, yeah. Well, let me talk about this. This is kind of tied into you guys. Now, I'll be honest. It was very lucky when one of you got here earlier and said, Chris is on the way, and I went, okay, that one's Chris.

That's good. That's good to know. You guys must get, you know, obviously the twin stuff, get confused for each other and stuff. I was at a house party recently, and a friend friend of mine who I hadn't seen for a while turned up with his new girlfriend who none of us had met. So he introduces her to a group of about- We have spit-roasted her.

That's where I was going. So he goes around the circle of about six of us and goes, you know, this is Al, this is Jess. And then I'm sort of right at the end and this is Tommy, right? And so then she does that thing where you try and go through and remember one by one. So she goes, Al, Jess, and gets everyone and then gets to me and goes, and Donkey?

Where have you pulled Donkey from? Like even if that was a nickname, as if he would have just said that. Donkey. Donkey. Donkey. You had your massive cock out at the time. And who called you Donkey? Who was this guy? Were you listening to any of that?

No, no. A friend's girlfriend. I was writing new jokes for the second half of this podcast. So you can pay for your tram ticket home. A friend's new girlfriend who, this is just boring for the listeners. They can listen to an explanation of something they heard. It's fine. I'll say something funny.

Okay, go. Do it. When you finish, I will. Okay. Friend's new girlfriend who hadn't met any of us before. I was last in the line and he said Tommy and then she was trying to remember everyone's name. Right, right.

She got to me and she said Donkey. Donkey. What was that other, what was, because on another episode we talked about one of your friends that just made up a new name for you. What was that name again? Oh, Peter Walsall. Peter Walsall. Yeah, but she's done it again because her housemate, my friend Nick,

he's obsessed with that so he just all the time, yeah, Walsall's going to be there tonight, yeah. And she's like, I know what his name is now, fuckhead. And then we were at a party together a couple of weeks ago and then the next day she's turned around to my mate Nick and gone, it was good seeing, and being serious, goes, it was good seeing your mate Tony Delasso last night. And he goes, are you out of your fucking mind?

And she goes, what? And he's like, it's Donkey also. God. It's funny how names get mixed up, isn't it, and thrown around. I went to university with this girl called Jess, and that name went on to become Jesticles, and now her name is Scrotie. Her mum calls her Scrotie.

Oh, what? What school did you go to? Well, Bundry High. Ballsack U. Have you ever had a – who's your lookalike, Tommy Daslow? Have you ever had someone say to you your lookalike, Tommy Daslow? Have you ever had someone, had someone say to you, you look like?

No, no. I, in fact, you know, when everyone did that lookalike week thing on Facebook, I didn't get, I didn't,

I said, I openly said, I've never been told that I look like anyone. Right. Someone said Elmer Fudd, which that hurts. Yeah. And someone actually sent me a link to some,

I don't know how they knew this person, but like a Swedish politician who does actually look a bit like me. Really? No one that you'd like. No one. Do you remember the name? I can't remember the name. No.

Oh, damn. What about your doppelganger? Yeah. Do you have a doppelganger? Yeah. That's, is that, that's clearly the reason you bought this up. No, no, not really. Oh no.

I've, I've had an interesting mix of ones. I get, you know, sometimes you get like, I get get, like, I think I look like Adam Gilchrist. Yeah. You get that a lot. I've got that from other people and whatever. But then I've had other weird ones where you go, some of them are like, it wildly swings with me between people that you just go, oh, I don't want to look like that. And then like ones where you're like, are you taking the piss?

Because that's quite a good one. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't know. I think Gilchrist is probably the best one. Well, you are from Maryborough, aren't you, Carl? Yeah. So you probably look like a lot of people in that town.

Yay. Inbreeding. Pretty sure I've written that in some. But yeah, we are both from small country towns. I haven't really ever really talked to you guys about that. But yeah. I mean, you're from Walbundry. How many people was that or is that?

I think there was about 30 people or 40 in the town, and then there was a few farmers that lived out of town. Right. But yeah, very small place. It's funny because I'm now thinking, in my mind, I've explored Walbundry thinking of jokes, and then I realized I don't think I've ever asked you about the actual town. Use your imagination. Yeah, it was interesting.

We lived in a shed for about three years in Walt Bundry. With your family? Yeah. Or they just put you out the back? No, no, lived in the shed. Yeah, living the dream. What sort of shed? Garden.

It was a little bit bigger than a garden shed. Garden or hessies? It was just this shed that had holes in it and it was enjoyable. Did it, like, electricity, dirt floor? Like, what? Give me some data. No, not a paved floor. We had electricity, but we didn't have a proper toilet.

We had one of those toilets that had the blue chemicals, you know, those ones where you have to... So you were living at the big day out. Yeah, we had a port-a-loo. There was always a line of 12 young girls trying to get in there as well. Yeah. I mean, the whole movie, Kenny,

it was just a rip-off of stuff that we had to go through. So why did you move away from such a great place then? If you had your home set like that. We were your skate car. We got out. We left when we were about 16, I think, didn't we?

Yeah. Never to return. So are your family still back there or they're all up here now? They're all in different parts of Australia. We don't have any family left in Wobundry, I don't think. Whereabouts is it? It's about 30 or 40 minutes from Aubrey Wodonga. Okay, right.

So I'm just trying to think if you've got people listening overseas, Aubrey Wodonga would make no... That's alright. They've dealt with worse stuff than that. I'm just trying to work out what's going on. It's not too far from Gann Main, Grong Grong Madong, Walla Walla, Bar and Buttock, Collie Amberley.

I wrote many of those names. American listeners will just be having a fit. Oh, listen to the funny names and the funny accents. Yay! The Texans will know what we're on about if you're in America. Definitely a lot like Texas, I'd imagine. Yeah, right. Now, their reaction.

You're like from the Dillon, Texas of Australia. Your Friday Night Lights is set anyway. Moving on. So have you been back since all your success? Not since we've been on Australia's Got Talent, have we? I don't think the hype is back in the town. They should have a parade through the main street like when the Olympians come home. Yeah, they should.

They should give us the keys to the city at least. The keys to the city shed. Yeah. Yeah, why don't you go back and see who's living in that shed now? Because you know that thing where you go, you see where you grew up in and whatever, and you go, oh, I just want to go in and see if it's the same. Go and see if the shed's still the same. See if the blue chemicals are still there.

I don't even know if it's still standing, that shed. I'm not too sure. How old man build it? And, you know, he wasn't a great builder. Surely that'd be a heritage listed place by now, though, if the Nelson twins grew up in it. Walbundry's not even on the map, I don't think so. Really?

No, I don't think so, no. Now you guys have put it on the map. Yeah. Government classified town. That's weird. Speaking of that going back where you grew up, I just remembered this. Me and my dad, I remember, went back to, I think we moved when I was quite little.

And when I was a teenager. What, like two weeks ago? I'm not paying you for that one. We were just driving through the area. And we went back and dad's like, let's knock on the door. Let's knock on the door and see who lives in your childhood home. And we did that and we're like, hey, g'day. We used to live here and he grew up in here.

He was a little kid. And they could not have been more annoyed at our reunion. They were like, we don't care. We're trying to have dinner. Go away. They were like really pushy. Did not want us there at all. If someone did that to you though, what would your reaction be?

Yeah, exactly. At the time I was like, what a dick. But then, yeah, if someone did that to me. I just think someone's casing the joint. Yeah. Can I just look around all through your house? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, no problem at all. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I've done that. You go back to your old house and whatever and you sort of go, why have they done that with a guard? Exactly. Yeah.

Can't be the same as when I was three. Or worse, if some stuff off it's better and you're like, oh, why did mum and dad put a pool in here? How could this? Yeah. Well, after we lived in the shed, we had a house. Life after shed. Yeah, life after shed.

We had a house, right, and this is no joke. We were coming home on the school bus from high school in Colcan and our house in two pieces came along on the back of a truck. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Because our dad renovated this house. They bought this house from somewhere that I think it was like about seven grand for this house and it had to be at 4.30 when we come in on the school bus. And everyone's like, what's that? And all the kids are on the bus like, that's Nelson's house. And I actually. So what's that? And all the kids are on the bus like, that's Nelson's house. And I actually. So that's the real reason you changed your name to Logan there for a while. Yeah, that's right.

I know this is so dumb, but I just picture smaller versions of you still with beards, like on the school bus. It's like a cartoon. Yeah. The small bearded people are probably still there. But the joy, remember the joy of seeing a house being moved, like an actual house on the back of a truck. Yeah, you see it every now and then.

I'd never see it. I saw one recently. You obviously don't see it down La Trobe Street or anything. The last couple of times when I've gone to the Meredith Music Festival, driving out there, you'll see a house on the back of a truck. Yeah, right. It's great. It's thrilling.

There was a place near my house, because we lived out, my mum and dad still do live outside. It's not even Maryborough. It's outside of Maryborough. It's like really out in the sticks. All this time you've been claiming to be a resident of Maryborough. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we used to say, you know, we used to say when we're going into Maryborough,

let's go into the big smoke tonight. Those city slickers up there. Let's go sightseeing. Let's go up to the top of the two-story house and have a good look around. Get a commemorative coin up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there used to be a place near us that had been moved like that in halves, but only one half was ever there.

So it was like the other half got lost on the way there. It was either that or they were saving up for the second house, for the second half of the house. But seriously, like when I was going to high school, I never saw the second house get added. So it was like they'd got the first half. It was like, you know, a woman getting a boob job and just getting one done first. Just one massive knocker and then nothing. Wow.

Well, I'd like to think like that half a house, it was like they got half of it and then just turned up and went, oh, it's only the two bedrooms? So then the rest of their life they've got a bucket in one of the bedrooms washing their dishes in there. No, they've got to drive. They drive between them. They commute between the two halves of their house.

The other half's still back at the original site. When you wake up in the middle of the night and you're like, oh, I've got to take a piss, but the floor's so cold. Man, multiply that by having to get into your car and drive over to your other house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got an outdoor toilet. It's like 5k away. Or

they're a couple of bedrooms short and they just adopted out some of their kids. Well, what about this? I'll tell this to close it out. This is a thing that I did over the weekend that was kind of a moment where, you know how like you kind of, you're just not thinking for a moment and then you catch yourself doing something and then all of a sudden you realize like, why am I doing this?

I went for a run with my girlfriend we drove to the tan but we'd been somewhere before that so we had a bag with our running clothes in it so we turn up we get a park and I've thought well I've got to get changed into my running clothes so I've opened my car door like my I'm driving I've opened the door onto the street and just started get like taking my off. And then I looked down at my girlfriend and she's just going, what are you doing? I turn around, there's a whole row of cars that I've blocked off because I've got the door open, just looking at me going,

just shaking their heads going, what is happening here? I suddenly realise, oh, that's right, I'm standing in the middle of the street with no pants on. So my girlfriend's just going, what is happening here? I freak out and then jump into the car and slam the door. And then all these cars are driving past. I'm there with no pants on. My girlfriend's putting her shirt on, her running top on.

So now it looks even worse. It looks like we've just been having a route in the car, like in a really public car park, and we're getting, you know, getting dressed at the end of it. And you're holding up traffic deliberately just so that they can see that you've just got one off. Got to route everyone. They said it had never happened. So then, you know, I get changed in the car.

It was literally a speed hump. Hey? Boo. Did you write that one for yourself? So then we're just stretching next to the car, and this bloke comes walking past, and I recognise him from being in one of the cars that I'd held up, and he's got a camera around his neck, and he goes,

got some pretty great photos of you before, mate, and then just walks off. Wow. Yeah, so. Have you seen yourself on the internet since? Not yet, but it's only a matter of time, I'm guessing. That's awesome. It's www.donkey.com.

And it really did hold up traffic. Yeah. And that was a speed hump. Rightio. I like that. Yeah. Guys, that brings us to the end of the Little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. The Nelson Twins, thank you very much for joining us.

Thank you. People can see your Australia's Got Talent clips on YouTube. Have a watch. They're very, very funny. Have you got gigs coming up? We've got loads of gigs coming up. Just go to our website, www.nelsontwins.com.au. It's 2012.

I don't think you need to emphasize the www. That's fine. Guys, thank you very much. Thank you very much for coming along. We really appreciate it. Thank you. We have got stuff coming up. We're going to be in Brisbane at the Sit Down Comedy Club

at the end of October. Check out the Sit Down Comedy Club website for that. Doing stand-up? Yeah, it's going to be the two of us doing stand-up for three nights, which will be fun. We've also got the T-shirts and stuff for sale. Send us an email, littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. Get a recording for us from hollywoodiscalling.com.

If you're in America, yeah, LA on November the 23rd. We'll have more information about that later. Thank you very much for joining us, and we will see you next time. See you, mate.