The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 108 - Luke McGregor

Episode Date: October 16, 2012

Dave's Online Deals, Swedish Milk Maids and The 40 Year Old Version. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into another edition of the Little Dumb Dumb Club. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day Dickhead. It is 195 days until Nick Cody's birthday. 195? I just did my own count.

I thought it was 198. Oh, yeah, but I'm counting it from when the episode is on. Oh, right, okay. I'm counting it not from... Right, right, right. I get it. Eagle-eared listeners. So that means there's 100 days to go until Nick Cody's mum's birthday.

Oh, is that a fact? Yes. Okay. Karen Cody's birthday. 100 days away. Some listeners may notice that that segment, Karen's Corner, has been absent for a couple of weeks. The first time I did it, to be honest, I just thought this will be a bit of a joke,

this will be a fun thing. There's no way that no one wants to have their time wasted every single week with an update of someone's birthday. How wrong I was. For the last two weeks, I've gotten emails, I've gotten Twitter messages, we've had Facebook posts. People really furious. Haven't you idiots got a calendar?

Can't you work it out yourself? Wouldn't it be funny if we discovered that was the commonality of our listeners, is that they all, like we do a sample test, and none of the people who listen to our show has a calendar. What about this? What about we go Bob Hawke style? If your boss doesn't give you the day off on Nick Cody's birthday, you are a bum.

You are a bum boss. Why don't we set this up now because, you know, there's a lot of, you know, there's enough foreplanning for us in it. Why don't we try and have some kind of big, like why don't we turn it into a national day? Why don't we have a big party on Nick Cody's birthday, National Nick Cody Day? We should have a Nick Cody's birthday party.

We'll do a live ep from Nick Cody's birthday party out in Werribee. Get everyone who wants to get on Zone 4. Yes. Go out to Zone 4 on the Werribee line. That'll be great. It just feels like we're on Bloody Breakfast Radio, doesn't it? With the sort of silly little pranks they always pull on each other.

We'll do a sausage sizzle. We'll do some giveaways. Did you have something for me? You got a little treat for me over there? I just, well, on the way into Podcast City, just before, I live, I've mentioned on the show before, I live opposite a primary school, which has been good given that we have a main window that faces onto the school ground, and I have a habit of walking around naked in my house, which is good.

I have a balcony there. I like that it's a habit. Well, what is it? It's not a compulsion. I can control it. It's a hobby. An interest. Yeah.

A fascination. Yep. Okay. It's a thing. It's a thing I do. It's a lack of clothes. Yep. So I walk past the basketball court to get in my car.

Naked? No. This is what happened. And it doesn't sound, I wish I, I just wish I had footage of it because it's like straight out, it's the first time I've seen anything that could have been in Australia's Funniest Home Videos. So a basketball court, I believe, I'm assuming it was a mother, it was a youngish mother in the middle of a basketball court i believe i'm assuming it was a mother it was a youngish mother

um in the middle of basketball court and her kids were circling her in uh like little bmxs like the kids were like three four um and i watched it for a second because i was on the phone just coming out to the car and one of the kids got really close to me because I wasn't that far away from the basketball court. And as he was sort of going along, have you ever done that thing where, you know, you just sort of play with something and you don't really know what you're doing? Have you ever done that thing where you just, you're not responsible for your actions? You don't know why you've done something? I actually don't know what the phenomena that you're trying to describe is. So it's impossible for me to comment.

Okay. Well, you won't understand this story at all. Okay. is. So it's impossible for me to comment. Okay. Well, you won't understand this story at all. Okay. No. So she's playing with a football, and you can see her not putting any thought of it. She's just throwing it from hand to hand. And then for some reason, she just sort of very vaguely throws it at the child that's riding this little BMX, clearly not thinking it was going to hit the kid.

Yeah. The ball nearly hits the kid, but then frightens the absolute going to hit the kid. Yeah. The ball nearly hits the kid, but then frightens the absolute shit out of the kid. He wobbles the bike. The bike just goes into free fall, goes straight at a tree, and the kid hits the tree face first. Actually face first.

But not only face first, because the kid had a helmet on, teeth first. It was like a couple of meters away from me, and I kind of laughed. And you're standing there, funniest time video style, just going, boy, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was amazing. And then because the kids were so young, the mum saw what she'd done and then went, oh,

you know, maybe if I just pretend like that's not really my fault, I'll get away with this. And so she just sort of went, oh, you silly duffer, you fell off your bike. And then came over and like checked the helmet. It sort of looked like, yeah, what's happened to the helmet here? You know, the helmet's a fault. The helmet's not a fault, lady. The helmet doesn't go over a kid's molars. It went teeth first into this tree.

I do remember that moment when that would happen a bit when you were a kid when your parents would accidentally cause you pain. Like just them, just a slight little bit of, you know, your dad's pushing you on the swing and you fall off. Like that moment of, hang on a minute, you're the parent. Yeah. You injured me. Yeah, yeah.

Do you go to jail now? Yes. Because that's not right. Yeah, I sort of hid after that because I'd sort of laughed a bit. But I also wanted to see what happened. And she just sort of wiped her hands of it and went, oh, okay. And the kid was just in shock and didn't cry. I don't know what's happened.

Why has my mum thrown a football at me? I also live near a school. And sometimes I'll be walking home in the afternoon and there'll be like a group of school kids walk past me. And the other day that happened and I heard a snippet of conversation. All I heard was a girl say the words Chinese lesbian. I thought it seems like a pretty progressive school. I don't know what the lesson plan is here, but it seems good. Today on the show, he's been on the show many, many times before.

He is a fan, favourite guest. He's normally on with some other people, but today it's just him. Is it an attempt to give him a bit more of the limelight, or did we just leave booking a guest till the last minute and no one else could do it? I guess we'll never know. Please welcome back into the Little Dumb Dumb Club, Luke McGregor. Yay!

It's too much pressure. You know what the story is? I was trying to book another guest this afternoon, and this is what happened. I rang a few people, and they weren't available. Then I rang Greg Fleet. I was going to team Luke McGregor up with Greg Fleet. Ingenious idea. He answered the phone and went, and I said, oh, how about, you know, coming in and do the podcast?

He was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'd like to. Oh, look look i'll just i'll just see what oh look i'll just see if i can get away okay can you ring me back in 10-15 minutes i don't have credit on my phone surprise um and i'll ring you know just you ring me back in 10-15 minutes okay so i left at 15-20 minutes rang back hey flady how you going can you make it? He's like, oh, look, I've tried, but look, I'm just not going to be able to get out of my birthday party. My family and friends are all around, and I'm like, I'd like to do it, but I reckon I'll get in trouble. Oh, wow.

He was serious. Wow. I was about to say, my end to that story was going to be, who gives a shit how many days is it until his birthday? Zero. How many days until his mum's birthday, I wonder? So, Luke, it's been a little while. It hasn't even really been that long since you've been on here. But yet too long.

Yeah. You're on the 100th episode. We had you in here to discuss your Twitter policy. Yeah, that was... Any updates to that? I'm writing back. I was always... It was never a...

I just listened to the episode. Yeah, no. I just sit on the same... I've done like one tweet since we last chatted. I'm just sitting on the draft screen. Yeah. Doing myself. That's all I do. What's your birthday this week? And like one tweet since we last chatted. I'm just sitting on the draft screen. Yeah. That's all I do.

Well, it's your birthday this week. Oh, no, it's already been your birthday. But it's your big birthday party this week. Yeah. Which all of the listeners are invited to, I assume. Yep. Project X style. We'll get as many people as we can to your birthday party.

I'd rather it be like Cloverfield. Didn't the guy who did Project X also do Cloverfield? Oh, did he? I don't know. I think. Is that right? I don't know. They're both movies. Right.

Okay. They're both in the genre of film. Imagine, because I always find that, I always hate that with movies when they'll, in the publicity, they'll try and pull a swifty past the public where they'll go from the producer of this popular movie and go, the producer's not making it good. Or it's like, or even more desperate, from the studio that bought it. What? From the cameras.

What if they just started going from the same genre of film as Citizen Kane? From three of the caterers of American Pie 3. From the same form of storytelling as Alien, The Matrix. From the same language spoken in Shakespeare in Love. I had one, but I came in, I couldn't get it to work. Oh, boy. Here we go. So it was going to be something along the lines of the same DVD.

Okay. So let's say the Matrix was filmed. Yeah, anyway. Is it too late to call Fleety and CP? Just beg him. Just say, please, you've got to come help us out. Birthday party, birthday party. Luke McGregor though.

Yeah, I'm nervous about it. You are very nervous about it. I actually had, sorry, one thing on the parents that I wanted to jump in with. When you guys were talking about when your parents hurt you. Our family. Oh, no. No, our family. Is this going to be the origin story of how Luke McGregor came to be this person?

I was super confident. I was a bodybuilder. person. I was super confident. I was a bodybuilder. My dad used to literally just have like a, it just became like a bartering policy. He would just say, all right, you get one free one. Like if you accidentally. One free what? So dad used to sort of just, not hit us hard, but he used to hit us. When we were growing up, he used to. Like smack you on the bum. Yeah, just like that was his sort of, you know, smack.

He should have done that. Okay. Treat it fine. But yeah, he used to, if something like that would happen accidentally, I don't know, he'd be, I'm trying to think of an example, but he'd, you know, he hurt us somehow by doing something accidental. Right. Then we would get one free, do naughty thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Like a bad thing to give out. He'd go, all right, that's it. And I'm like, okay,

so can I use it on my brother? And I'm like, no, you can't hit your brother. Okay, all right. So.

Just go and put a golf club through the front window? Yeah, exactly. But it was, yeah. Your dad sounds like Tyler Durden

just sitting down and going, I want you to hit me as hard as you can. The risk was that if you misjudged how, like if you say

sort of golf club the car or something and you go, well, freebie. And you go, you go, well, freebie. And you go, well, I'm still going to hit you, but it's going to be like a 100th less. Yeah. Um, yeah.

What about you, Carl? Were you, were you spanked as a kid? Did you get a little smack on the bottom? Yeah, yeah, I did. I, uh, I think I, I remember actually it getting, because, you know, what age do you stop being smacked on the bum or whatever? I'm still getting it. We're talking about it.

My girlfriend. Yeah. But do people, do parents do that now or are you not allowed to do that anymore? No, I think in your head, like, I think people's objection to it, is it in public or I don't know. I don't know. But I used to get the wooden spoon. Oh, really?

We had a wooden spoon that Dad would whip out if I was. And then one day I went and got it and hit it and went, I got one up on you, old man. And then he just used a fucking spatula or something. Like worse. Something made of metal. Something worse. So I went. The one thing in your house that you can be hit with.

Yeah. Everything else has been bolted down in the whole house. My ass is just red raw and I'm just going, well, this is backfire. I remember getting to a stage where, I don't know what age I was, but, you know, when do you stop getting hit on the bum or whatever? I remember getting to it, like being hit and then saying to my dad, all right, that'll do. That's, that'll do. That'll do you.

That's the last time. I got it, thanks. In front of my friends. That last slap just put me through puberty. So all of a sudden, dad, you can't do that anymore. Yeah, okay, I had a few too many beers, but it's my 21st, for Christ's sake. Because there comes a point when you're old enough that you start to reason. So at some point, when you're little

and you're naughty, you're sort of doing it like you're getting hit. It's like, alright, so it's the same thing as when you put your hand on a hot plate and you go, alright, I won't put my hand on a hot plate anymore because I'll get hit. But if you get older and you're just sort of naughty and you get hit, it's just like, well, I was always going to do that. Yeah.

It's just like, and I thought if you're going to hit me, well, that was part of the. I know what you mean. Yeah, it's like a sheep walking into an electric fence. It's just this, you know, this dumb animal going, oh, whatever I did then, I won't try and do that again. Yeah. But like when you grow up a bit and you're just getting smack going, oh, man, I know what's happening here. Yeah.

Yeah. I got this. I liked Luke's slip of the tongue there where he went, it's like you put your hand on the hot plate and then you get hit. It's like, man, that is brutal parenting. You burn your hand and then you get flogged for it as well. I was like, no, I get it. My hand is singed.

Dan wanted me to be a hand model. And he really, he was trying to live his dreams through me. I ruined it for both of us. Surely, I would say, surely the hitting disappears when pocket money comes into play. Wouldn't those things, that wouldn't,

that'd be a pretty seamless transition. Once you get the, the, the knowledge of how commerce works. No, but I mean, but then that's how you punish them because you don't need to hit them anymore. You can go,

well, no pocket money for you. Okay. Wouldn't that be the, that would be the transition. Dad, I've got to pay my investors. I've been short this week, Dad. Can you just whack me in the face instead?

Can we just skip back two years? I've just realised the three least qualified people to talk about parenting, having a good old chin wag about how to raise your kids. I want to like not – I just wonder if my kid does something wrong, like go, well, looks like you're going to school covered in Nutella today. So deal with that. Oh man, that would be good.

Yeah. I did a run today. Oh yeah. I did a run. The Melbourne. The Melbourne Marathon. Except they have a much smaller version. You know, they have their different distances and whatever.

My girlfriend and I, we entered in, because we did a couple of months ago when we told a story about me doing the 10K. Yeah, when we found photographic evidence shoving two people out of the way. Yeah, yeah. I don't think we, did we talk about that on the show? But someone on Facebook found that picture we were talking about and put it up on Facebook. Yeah, you were saying that, you said there was a photo and that no one would ever find it.

Yes. And then it could not have been easier for someone to find. I don't know how they did it, but anyway. Yeah, so we entered in another race today, but we were too late to enter the 10K. So we did the 6K, which I don't really understand how you can run out of kilometers. How do you run out of 10K?

Do they just, you finish the 6 and then they like put shackles on your feet? Yeah, yeah. So you're physically not allowed to run for the rest of the day? Yeah, you have one of those ankle bracelets, like Lindsay Lohan, just to make sure you don't run. What is it? Sorry, it's six, what? 6K.

We ran 6K. You ran 6K? 6K is short for kilometers. Yeah, six is... It's a unit of measurement. Where did the 10K come into it, though? Six is a number. What?

10K. Because I ran 10K last time and there's different distances that you can run. I wanted to run the 10K this time, but I ran out of 10K tickets, and so I had to do 6K. Six kilometers. We all clear? Hang on. Are you in a competition? Did you run out of places to run?

I'm lost. If you were my kid, your pants would be down right now. You would be bent over my knee getting a good old flogging. When I listen back, I'll hide this. Put your hand on my laptop and bend over. We entered a race. Oh, I got it. Sorry, you were in a race.

Yeah. Sorry. I was thinking about... What? I think I got it. Sorry, you were in a race. Yeah. Sorry. I was thinking about... What? I think I'm sorry. I get... You know how whenever you do these, you're always... Because you guys do it every week.

Yeah. So it's fine. So if you have a... You might not have a show you're happy with, but I always get really nervous. Like everything you got to say is going to have to be gold. Yeah. So it's just like this. Yeah.

Of this quality. Anyway, so we raced. We did the 6K and it was, I don't know, it was quite a warm day. We haven't been training as much as we did last time. But yeah, it was interesting. I come across some of the same phenomenons as last time. You know, my least favorite, now that I'm an experienced runner, I really know what I'm looking for.

I really know what I like and what I don't like. And what I don't like. And what I don't like is idiots dressed up in costume running. So they were inspiring me a long way. What did you have this time? What costumes? We had, I had a guy dressed as like a Swedish milkmaid or something. What?

Yeah, yeah. I thought you were going to say the Swedish chef from the Muppets. No, no, no. I'd actually be cool with that. A Swedish milkmaid. So he had the long blonde hair and the bra and panties and whatever. Why? I don't know.

Just people, you know, 10K, 6K is not long enough to run without making yourself an absolute arsehole, apparently. So I ran along with him for a while and I was like going, oh man, because you don't want to get beat by a guy in costume. Sure, yeah. So we were running along beside him for a while and I was like going, oh man, because you don't want to get beat by a guy in costume. Sure. Yeah. So we were running along beside him for a while and I was sort of not liking it. But then I sort of quite liked it because running alongside him, you got to hear every comment that anyone said to him.

Oh, yeah. So it was quite good because instead of you going, oh, you're an idiot. Like it was more people not just thinking of it, but saying it. So we were running alongside him and he's just copying it all, getting wolf whistles, going, oh, nice jugs, Svita. Now, how can you be certain that wasn't for you? That's fair. Yeah, he copped it.

And he was copying it over and over, like the same things, over and over as well. So it was like that thing where he's going, yeah, nice one, boys. Yep. Yep. Good one. And it's like, sorry, mate, but you got a cop. And if you're going to dress up as a Swedish model or whatever you're

supposed to be. You can't just yell back. Come on. I'm just trying to have a race. This is what I wear all the time. If you had to see me last week, Sunday morning, this was me. I've got a party to go to after this. Yeah.

Yeah. So anyway, there was that. And there was, uh, we got to the end of the race. And you got to run into the MCG. Oh, yeah. Into the Melbourne Green Ground, which was the thing I was really looking forward to, running in there. And as we're running in there, my girlfriend hadn't trained as much as she should have.

And she started to really lag off. And I'd been slowing down for her. But then we were going to get overtaken by someone dressed as Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. He's supposed to be really fast though, isn't he? Is he? I think so, yeah. I don't know, but this is like a pretty hot day and he was looking a bit bedraggled and I was like, I do not want to get beat by Tigger.

So I start. What character would you be okay with being beaten by? Someone dressed as Carl Lewis. I don't know. Someone dressed as The Flash. You'd be up for that. Yep. That's fine.

I'd dress as a turtle and go, are you getting beaten by a turtle? Oh, yeah, that'd be good. Yeah. Or a snail. Yeah. Give her a finger. Man, but that would make no sense. If you got overtaken by someone dressed as a snail, that is a pretty unwieldy costume

as well. Apart from looking like something that's slow, man, you are slow with that thing on your back. I'd have roller skates on. I'd cheat somehow so uh yeah look we got overtaken and i was like hating it because my girlfriend slowed right down and i'm just like going i'm sorry we're in the middle of heaps of people i'm going come on come on pick it up let's go let's go and she because when she gets tired and whatever she gets a bit crazy and out of her mind so So she starts screaming, going, no, no. And I'm like, and it's like going back to,

it's like a kid being smacked in a supermarket, just screaming and everyone looking at the mum going, what a bad mum, hey? And it's her. But she kept saying, she's got this thing where she gets hypnotized or something where she kept running after it and she's still going, no, no, to herself. And I'm like, I haven't said anything for a minute.

And you're still saying no? Like we're actually running into the MCCG. And she's going, no, no, to herself. And I'm like, I haven't said anything for a minute. And you're still saying no? Yeah. Like we're actually running into the MCCG. And she's going, no, no. I have that a bit when I run though, where you're just going, when you're just really flat out tired and you're just going, oh God, oh God. You're just like under your breath, like can't even.

That's why I got the rowing machine, guys. Yes. Exercise in the comfort of my home. A rowing machine? You got a rowing machine? You bought a rowing machine, guys. Yes. Exercise in the comfort of my home. A rowing machine? You've got a rowing machine? You bought a rowing machine? My boss is, plug for my boss here, look up my boss on Google. Her husband has an exercise equipment webpage and also weather vanes.

Wow. Did you buy Weathervane? Finally Apparently they're some of the they're big sellers apparently not a lot of places sell Weathervanes

so Yeah Apparently not a lot of people buy Weathervanes Yeah I can't plug it can I I should

What do you mean it's not the ABC Okay it's Dave's online deal so I bought a ride machine off that Right That sounds dodgy

Yeah That's what I said to my boss I said that look what do you think of the website I off that. Right. That sounds dodgy. Yeah. That's what I said to my boss. I said, look, what do you think of the website? I said, to be honest, it sounds really dodgy. Dave's Online Deals. That sounds like something that pops up when you go onto RedTube or whatever. But he dropped it off.

I wouldn't be trusting a purchase like a rowing machine from Dave's Online Deals. Something as serious as a rowing machine. I'd just like to point out again that it is my boss's. Until comedy really kicks off. Well, we begged you not to do the advertisement for them, and you went ahead and did it anyway. So now it's at our discretion how we're going to treat you. The new sponsor of the little dum-dum-fum, Dave's Online Deals.

So we'll go back and put an ad at the start of the episode. Yeah, sure. And who do we invoice, you or Dave? I'm fine. You'd be. You? Okay. Do you reckon you know them better than us?

Do you reckon they'd be into it? Do you reckon they'd sponsor this podcast, throw a bit of money in? I mean, you know, this has been a pretty good ad so far. Maybe. Certainly. Or you can hit them up at the website. What if it ends up being like, you know, we were saying. I could probably get you guys a weathervane.

What if, you know, we were saying before, like, if the commonality and all of this is they don't own calendars, what if they also happen to be massive weathervane enthusiasts? This is going to be some sweet coin coming in Dave's. I could get a promotion if this goes the right way somehow. You could be Dave. I could be Dave. What if you became Dave?

Dave's Luke's online deals. Dave's Luke's online deals, yeah. We'll sell invites to my birthday through it as well. Yeah, yeah. So what do you got planned? The big 30th, the big 3-0. You're officially the wrong side of 30. Yes.

Well, it's just a – Looking back on your first 30 years, could you have done anything different, do you think? I couldn't have done anything better. I probably would have done anything better. I probably would have had more sex, probably. I took the day off work and I... For your birthday. Yeah.

Just wandered around. Does anyone not do that? You know what I mean? I think still people work. I just wanted to. I didn't want to be there on my 30th. Every birthday when I've had office jobs, I've just gone, if it's an office job I don't like, I'm't want to be there on my 30th. That's not, well, I had it with every birthday when I've had office jobs. I've just gone, if it's an office job I don't like, I'm like, I'm not doing this.

I'm not going in. It's ridiculous. But if you take the day off, who are you spending it with? You're just at home. I literally just, oh, my parents came later, but I, yeah, I just spent it by myself. Is that a good thing? Yeah, I thought it was. Okay, all right.

Go out for a nice lunch. I've never done it because I'm like, well, why would I sit by myself being alone on my birthday? Why is that a better thing to do? Why would you sit in an office not talking to anyone? Just getting cake and stuff. That's all right. People come in and say, happy birthday to you. That's nice, isn't it?

I honestly thought I would have some sort of epiphany or something. Or I would change it, but nothing happened. I played a bit of PlayStation and nothing happened. Did you set up a gift registry on Dave's online deals? Yeah. Are there any rowing machine accessories that you need? I could use maybe some 52-inch LCDs that I can put on either side of me that just has water plants.

Ah, yes. Awesome. Just two of those. And then a big fan in front of you. That'd be great. Or a lake. Yeah, I brought it up at, because I'm turning 30 this year, I've been trying to work it up into my material.

And I just did a gig in Canberra. And this guy, I got up and I said, it was already going to be a bad gig because as soon as I got up, um, this guy, as I was walking to the mic, this guy, cause I was MCing and the guy goes, this guy in the back was going, get off, get off. And I was just tempted just to walk back up again. Before the gig, so you were MC? I was MCing. Before the gig had started. Before I actually got to the mic. Wow.

This guy was yelling out, get off, get off And one of my opening bits was I talk about my 30th And this guy goes, no one cares No one cares And then it was Another guy goes Hey mate

And I go, yep I shouldn't have said yep I knew it wasn't going to be good Very casual, you're very casual in your gigs. Stop sucking. And I really wanted that to be the turning point of the gig. So, you know what? You're right.

My face is set to suck, but if you don't like that sort of stuff, I can stop being good if you like. Yeah, like yelling out someone, run faster, and they win the race. But yeah, so I thought it would be, I thought I would have some sort of big change, but so far, not much. Well, you've got this big party. You've organized a big party on, is it Friday or Saturday night? Saturday night.

Saturday night. When's this go out? Wednesday. Wednesday. So it Friday or Saturday night? Saturday night. Saturday night. When's this go out? Wednesday. Wednesday. So it would have been and gone? No, no, no, no. It's coming up. So we're letting everyone know.

You don't have a calendar by the sound of it. You know what? You know what? Is it risky talking under hooky? No, we're not talking about where it is. We'll put that on the Facebook page. Yeah, yeah. We'll tweet that.

We'll live tweet the party and put the address out. And it's not like, you know, there'd be like 100,000 raping fans there. Probably. Okay. Probably. I have to miss it. I've got something on that night, which I'm devastated. I'm going to a ball.

I'm going to a fancy ball. What? A crown, yeah. Bloody Cinderella over here. No. What's the, what is it? It's a fundraising ball for the Fight Cancer Foundation, and Hugh Jackman is performing.

Oh, really? Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun. Have I told you about the time I did a charity gig, and I thought this was like pretty early-ish in my stand-up career, and any time you get asked to do something, you go, oh, cool, someone wants me to do this, great. And it was a gig at Crown Casino, which already you're thinking, oh, wow, it wants me to do this yeah yeah and it was a gig at crown casino which already you're thinking oh wow it's going to be this awesome massive thing

you know and we got there and it was like in one of the small rooms and it's it was a very quick lesson of how to not to run how not to set up comedy yeah because it started like seven o'clock 7 30 or whatever and they put the comedy on people doing five minutes at like 11 o'clock, 7.30 or whatever, and they put the comedy on, people doing five minutes at like 11.10 or something like that. Right. So people have been drinking all night. Oh, no. They had the charity auction, charity auction gone on for an hour, and then they went, okay, now let's do the comedy.

And they put us on after that while people are going off to buy their, to pay the money for their, their, their charity items. Yeah. And so, but then there was this weird set of electronics happening in the room where every time someone put through the F-Pos or whatever, all the lights and the power and that would cut out. So it was like the cash register would ring up and then just black out.

And then. I like that, that the idea that that's happening. Cause it's some guy who runs the venues like a real tight ass with the electricity bill. He's like, I'm only having one. It's lights or FPOS machines. You know what? It was one power plug.

So they were pulling out the plug of the spotlight, shoving it in for the cash register, and then shoving it back out again. Did people make it work or was it just a dream? No, no, it was horrible. It was the worst. And you know what else the other thing was? It was a fundraiser for suicide prevention. Oh, really?

Yeah, which ironically made us want to neck ourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, I was on and because the crowd had been dispersed and they were going after the one PowerPoint in town, there was this table of four guys right at the front stage that didn't go anywhere. They just sat there and under their breath, put their hand over their mouth, and just were going, you suck shit, mate. You're fucking horrible.

You are fucking shit ass. Get off. You are not funny, mate. Get off. And then you go and look at the auction items and it's like a noose, a big bottle of pills, a one-way ticket to the Westgate. The thing is, I couldn't think of, like,

especially this early on in my stand-up, I was like, man, what do you say? How do you smash someone back without it sounding really offensive? Because no one's heard their threats. No one's heard, you know, what am I supposed to grab the mic and go, hey, just so everyone gets the context here, these guys are telling me to get fucked down the front, right? So just to set that up, okay?

Right, everyone's got that? I go, now, hey, guys, fuck off. Go kill yourself, all right? I know this ticket, because it's for charity, this ticket would have been a tax deduction. Is there a tax deduction on being a cunt? He's got it. He's got it.

That four of them run out crying. Yeah, yeah. Why don't you take that one PowerPoint in the whole room and hook it up to an electric chair and fry these assholes down here. Yeah. Oh. Yeah, man, terrible gig. It was awful.

Hey, just to change tack a little bit, I was listening the other day to Dr. Carl. Do you ever listen to him? Dr. Carl on Triple J? Yeah, the guy who knows everything about everything. Yeah, he's like a, for people who haven't heard of him, he's a, what is he, a scientist? He's a science student.

Dr. Carl Kruzelnicki? Yeah, he knows everything. He's on Triple J. I think they have him on like once a week in the afternoons. People call in with science questions. I heard a guy, I was listening the other day, a guy called in and goes, yeah, spent a fair bit of time in jail.

I've probably been in about seven jails. And I've noticed that when you go out in the yard or whatever, and people kind of go for a walk, people always go the same direction. They always go anti-clockwise. Now, is that because people are mostly made up of water and that's like flushing the toilet? Would people walk in an opposite direction in America?

If you've ever listened to Dr. Carl, you know he's such a nice dude. You could just hear him just struggling to keep it back and not just go, what the fuck are you talking about? But, like, the thing about that is that that's actually a very interesting question. Like, why does that happen?

Like, why does everyone... That'd be funny if he said, if he went back and he had one little bit of arsehole in him, Dr. Cuff, once in his life and just went, that's because all you arseholes in prison are just turds that need to be flushed down the dunny. No, not if he had a little bit of arsehole, if he's just like, that's his soapbox. He just really gets on it and just does all this social campaigning. But yeah, I think that is an actually really interesting phenomenon. I just like this guy, just he's had a wild punt, just having a crack,

just having a go at his own explanation. Because if that were a thing that that's what happens because we're made up of water, that would mean that people could never turn right. Humans would never be able to turn right if that was an actual thing. I like him setting up the context. He could have just said, you know, I go around my park and everyone seems to walk around the park the same. You don't have to mention you've been in seven prisons. Yeah, maybe that was just his, maybe he like, he knew that it was like a bit of a stupid

thing to be asking so that was his setup was like don't fuck with me Dr. Carl I haven't had access to Google for a while yeah don't mess with me Dr. Carl or I'll jump through this phone and make violent love to you I have not seen a lady for quite some time yeah if you fuck with me this is going to be

number 8 in Stinton Prison you arsehole. You old arsehole. But yeah, that made me laugh. It was just one of those weird things where you just go, surely they're going to address this. Surely something's going to be said about how funny this is. And it just completely

flew under the radar. Having said that, if anyone's got any answers to that, why prisoners walk in the same direction around in prison yards, please email us at littledumbdumbclub. Yeah. Yeah. Dr. Carl's thing was like a, he reckons it was like a power thing. So it's like the most powerful inmate sort of does it first and then everyone kind of

follows him. Yeah. But that doesn't, that doesn't explain why that original inmate would, in every different prison, would decide to do that. Yeah. Would decide to go, why they're compelled to go anti-clockwise. Yeah. It's a, we're going to America, maybe we can pop in on Alcatraz,

see which way they're going around the oval. See which way the bird man escaped. I love that show. Sorry, I'm trying to segue. I will constantly go on Google and just look up stuff that you would ask Dr. Carl about. Like the other day I looked up what would happen if you took your glove off in space. If you're an astronaut. Just because I wanted to know.

And I was at work and I'm just like, what happens if you take your glove off in space? And there were so many answers to it. What? Yeah, everyone. You can type it into Google and it'll start to fill it out for you. Yeah, that's really. Oh, bare hand in space. Yeah, yeah.

That is funny how you do that. How I will think of ridiculous questions and go, and you know, not for fun, but just I need to know the answer to something. But go, no, no one's asked this question before. No, they have. Yeah, it's just, I can't help it. Like I just go, I wonder what the biggest spider ever was. Oh, that's pretty big.

Yeah. All right, I'm with my day. Yeah. I love that on Google where you'll start to put in, when it, like, you know, tries to work out what you're about to ask. Tries to second guess you, yeah. Like, let's just do it now. If I just put in, what if.

First thing that comes up. First two things. what if God was one of us? And then right under that, what if there was no Google? Let's have a look. I wonder what would happen if there was no Google. I think we've already lived in an age where we found out the answer to that. Yeah.

Yeah. I was in a taxi the other night and it was quite late at night and I was getting a taxi home from a gig. I picture people listening to the podcast and going, guys, get in here. I'll pause it. Hang on, Carl's in a taxi. All right, here we go.

Sorry. To be fair, though, this is one of the more exciting starts to a car story. Most of them, I was sitting on a bench in the park. At least there's a moving vehicle in this one. I haven't brought one yet. I've got one thing that I was going to bring up, but I didn't know how to segue into it. So anyway, carry on with your taxi story. So it's late at night.

Now that I've got the support of the room, I'll carry on. Late at night. Now that I've got the support of the room, I'll carry on. I was in a taxi and I was nearly home and I noticed that we got like an orange light quite a distance in front of us and he just kept going. I thought, oh, is he going to run it? No, yeah, he's going to run it. And he just caught the orange and then it turned red, whatever. And I went, oh man, he took that really late.

I'm surprised by that. But anyway, and we drove for another 30 seconds, and then the police started chasing us and pulled us over. And I'm like, oh, this is interesting, being pulled over in a taxi. I've never had this. What happens with the meter? Next thing. We stayed there. We're waiting for the police to come up. The police comes up, and just before the police come up, I go, hang on, the meter.

Hey, mate, what are you doing? Yeah? And he left the meter going. He's like, oh, yeah. Oh, right. And then turned the meter. And I'd already paid for another dollar or whatever by that point. Yeah.

But yeah, he certainly wasn't going to turn it off. Yeah. So then the police comes up and goes, yeah, look, you ran that red light. And he was like, no, no, I didn't. No, I didn't. Oh, my mistake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the police go, yeah, no, you did.

You did. So we saw it and we're going to. And he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, I didn't. No, I didn't. You know, no, I didn't. And he's like, well, we're the police. We know. No, no, no.

Um, ask him. Oh, expert witness. Yeah, yeah. didn't no i didn't you know no i didn't and he's like well we're the police we know no no no um ask him oh expert witness yeah yeah and i'm like oh i i don't know like i'm not gonna get into it like to be honest i was like oh he i reckon he caught the orange but i'm not you know i was just like oh i don't know i and you know like they were waiting for my opinion anyway you were gonna be there well it's two on one on one the Yeah, one on one, one on all. So we'll have the tiebreaker. Yeah, yeah. I was on the tiebreaker.

So I was like, oh, I don't know. And they're like, well, you know, we saw it. It was red light and whatever. And look, we've got to go back and check. You should have said, I was too busy giving him a blowjob to get out of paying the fare. Yeah. So they went back to the. I don't know.

I'm high as a kite. Yeah. Yeah. I just swallowed a lot of cocaine just to make sure you weren't going to get to it. So I'm not thinking quite straight at the moment. To me, it was a blue light. So I don't know. So they went back to the car, came back and then goes, look, I don't usually do this,

but I'm going to let you off with a warning. And then he looked at the taxi driver and then he looked at me and went, so you guys just be a bit more safe next time. You guys? I've just been put in the same bag as the taxi driver. What am I doing? It's a guy that's never seen a taxi before. He's just like, look at this crazy yellow car.

This fruitcake is driving around it. Yeah, like have I got a PlayStation controller back there, like, controlling the speed or something? Step on it. Or you've gotten in and gone. Now, I am going to have to insist that you run every single red light that we come across. If that had been a thing where you'd gone, no, no, no, he was fine

and he'd gotten free, you'd be be, would you ask for a free fare? You'd be wanting your free fare. Yeah. If you went into bat for him and he got off because of you. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be owed one, you'd think or something like. And, uh, he goes, and after that, like we drove away and I was sort of like, sort of

a bit shitty about being, you know, stuck in it like that. And he was just, but he was just like overly, really happy obviously because know that's his job if he gets he can't drive anymore yeah that's it and then he starts going yeah i'm just yeah oh gee that was like he wasn't it you know and i'm like yeah i guess so you and me mate you and me we're just like bloody thelma and louise aren't we he's like oh yeah yeah i've been i've been caught a few times for that sort of thing and i'm like oh really well maybe don't you know that's a wake that sort of thing. And I'm like, oh, really? Well, maybe don't. That's a wake-up call. Don't do it again.

He goes, oh, I'll tell you what. I probably won't run a red light for another two months or so. Actually said that. I won't run another red light for two months. I hope there's like a week lead-up too, and he's like, he's got it on his calendar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's taking so long. He's driving along and a lime goes off.

Finally. He gives you a coil. You ready? I'm getting the gang back together. Here we go again. Road trip. We had fun just then, didn't we? Yeah.

We're all in this together. I've just got to, yeah. This is a thing that happened the other day as well. It's my girlfriend's sister. Can I just say very quickly, it's interesting that we're doing an episode like this, you know, in a week where someone on Twitter pulled us up for the fact that we never bother segueing properly. And this is just like, we are just really flying in the face of that. I've been very, very careful to not say what we usually say, which is, how about this?

How about this? Do you have to? Like, it's just about, it's just a bunch of topics, isn't it? Hey man, this is our thing, man. We can do whatever the fuck we want. Can you put in title sequences? This is all in the genre of conversation. You know, some podcasts will put in a little edit, like a little sound effect, like a break it up. You're not fooling anyone. It's all one big long chat.

Yeah. So, how about this? Speaking of. My girlfriend's sister. Is she single? She is. Rew. Yeah, we could be brother-in-laws. Oh, right.

Oh, yes. Drive around running red lights together. Sounds awesome. Oh, man. No, she's a bit older. Oh, I've got a segue now into my thing. Okay, go. Abandon my story.

No, no, no, you go. No, it'll still work at the end of this story, I think. Wow, this story ends very crazily. You don't know where this story's going to go. All right, well, I'll see. I'll write it down until I go up. This story ends up. As a challenge, I'll see if I this story is going to go. All right. Well, I'll see. I'll write it down. See where I go. This story ends up. As a challenge, I'll see if I can still segue to my thing.

All right. Okay. So my girlfriend's sister, she goes to a lot of cafes. She'll go to a cafe most mornings. She went to a cafe the other day and the girl at the cafe walks up to her and says, Hey, I know this is probably a bit weird, but how much money do you have on you? And she goes, oh.

The cafe girl, the cafe owner or the cafe, the worker at the cafe asks my girlfriend's sister how much money she has on her. I'm going to feel like I'm going to lose my segue. Carry on. Well, you set yourself the challenge now. You're going to have to get it in. I might just tune in for a second. You're going to have to get it in. I might just tune everything. I'm going to get to writing.

So she says, how much money do you have on you? And she goes, you know, why? And she goes, well, look, the milk delivery man's here. And we. What year is this story set in? What? The milk man. Yeah, well, how else do this story set in? What? The milk man.

Yeah, well, how else do people get milk in a shop? You just don't really hear about it. Do you download your milk now? Yes, I do. Yes. Do you bit torrent your milk? Yeah, I do. The milk delivery man's here and we don't have any money to pay him. So, like just a random customer, can you...

Can you run our business for us, please? Have you checked the cash register? Can you give me $180 to pay the milkman? To pay the milkman! $180. Wow! How are they going to pay it back? Well, this is the thing.

It went on, like, the story's concluded by now, but they said, oh, you know, we'll pay you back, obviously, and whatever. Obviously. I don't think it is very obvious that that's going to happen. It's pretty obvious you shouldn't be asking someone for $180 for milk, but anyway. Go to the back and find me your original business plan for this cafe. I want to see where this running out of the money for milk comes in. Yeah.

So she goes, oh, I'll pay you back and whatever. And she goes, oh, okay. And it's like, what do you say when someone comes up and asks you for $180 for milk in a milk bar, in a cafe? Yeah, yeah. You sort of think if you don't pay it, then the business is going under. Again, had she already ordered? Should she pay, ordered and paid for her food?

That's a good question. Yeah. Because I'd just be going. Did she give them the money? Well, if, yeah, if she hadn't have given the money, maybe she wouldn't have got that coffee that day. You know what I mean? If there was no milk, if she hadn't ordered yet. money, maybe she wouldn't have got that coffee that day. You know what I mean? If there was no milk, if she hadn't ordered yet.

Oh, no, they could still have some left. They could have a little bit left. They could be getting their deliveries for the next week or whatever. This is the plot of the movie Loop at Her. So she did give them the money. She gave the person the money. Wow. So has she gotten it back?

She got it back like two weeks later. Yeah. With a little bit extra? No, no, no. This cafe is in trouble. They're going under. Yeah, but not only that, but not even like two weeks later. Oh, yeah, we've been really busy and we didn't bring it around or whatever.

We've had other things to do, like ask people to pay for the violet crumbles or whatever. The violet crumble man has a lot of other stops to make today. So I think she got visited by the owner like a week later going, oh, here's $80. What? Like in installments. Got paid for the milk money in installments. Man, what's the name of this cafe?

Fuck this joint. They're going down. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I'll find out. They'll be closed. If that's the way they're doing business, they're not going to I don't know. I don't know what it is. I'll find out. They'll be closed. If that's the way they're doing business, they're not going to last too much longer. Yeah.

You'd think you'd at least shower this customer in free meals for free. Yeah. Come in. Thanks so much. Come in. You know what? I'm going to go in there. Give me a couple free meals.

I'm going to find the cafe, go in there, buy the smallest item, and try and pay with a $100 note just to see if they've got change. Or pay with a $180 note. Yeah. Is that on? Man, I've never heard anything like that. That's pretty weird. That's really weird.

Because that's sort of one of those things where, yeah, you obviously do not want to do that, but you can't say no. Yeah. You're stopping the shop. I would be thinking, oh, part of me would go, yeah, because I'm responsible for this shop existing now. Yeah. I've paid for a whole shop's milk.

Yeah. That's something. Yeah. You just insist on hanging out next to the counter and everyone that gets a coffee, you want them to thank you personally. Yeah. You're very welcome, buddy. Enjoy it.

Put a new sticker on all the milk. Chandler's milk. I'll be responsible for everyone's coffee for that day. It's like you're a little boy that's gone missing. But instead of missing, he just says legend. Yeah. I was sponsoring the milk for the day. That would be good.

Old milky Chandler. I love the idea of sponsoring something, but you don't say what you're selling. I just want an ad or something or sponsors anything, but it just shows my face. Brought to you by Luke McGregor. It's me smiling, and that's it. Was that the segue, or was that just an actual thought? No, that was just a thought I had.

So can we have two sponsors? Can we be sponsored by Dave's Online Deals and Luke McGregor? How much money would it be? Well, it depends what Dave's paying. I'll start you off on... You've got to match it. I'll start you off on $10,000. What if you sponsor the Nick Cody birthday update?

What if it's Luke McGregor's Nick Cody birthday counter? You can sponsor Xavier's Corner as well. Luke McGregor, Xavier's Corner. Is that coming back, Xavier's Corner? Yeah, when Xavier's on again, it'll come back. I'm sure. We've never let anything like that slide before, so I'm sure it'll be. I want to know what people think of this.

I think Xavier's Corner should almost be a spin-off podcast. I don't think he's got it in him. I like the idea of just being able to subscribe to Xavier's Corner and get the regular updates. I think Nick Cody's birthday update should be a regular podcast. Every day. Just a two-second podcast. 198.

Oh, that's a good idea. I want to film it, though. And so you've got, like, in that Today show in America, and they've got all the people behind all the signs. Yeah. And we're all here. We should do it, and it should have a theme song that's longer than the actual content of the show. It should go for five minutes, and four minutes 30 of that is theme.

I've got a – I guess it's going to spoil it now, but I had a, I had a night, I've got a, I got a JB high five out for my birthday for $50 and I bought something that costs $49 and now I've got a dollar. Oh, that's bullshit. I hate that. I cannot wait because I'm, I'm just picking who I'm going to give that to as a gift.

Yeah. Oh really? A little birthday gift in a car. Oh, that fucks me off so much. Just gift in a car. I've got a dollar. That fucks me off so much. Just give me the coin. Just hand over the fucking coin. That annoys me.

That really annoys me. Yeah, that's fair enough. I can see how that works. No. Speaking of coin, this is the first segue I think I've ever done. Oh, how about this? Yeah. For a segue.

You've just ruined that smooth segue. What about, hang on, McGregor was going to try and segue his story and off the back of what, so cafes, milk, money, gift vouchers. All right, let me do mine. You can do yours. Try and segue off the back of this story. I'm looking at it. I actually think it's more of a bit.

I actually think it's going to come across like stand-up, I think. Well, we don't want anything funny on this show. It's just I've had a theory that I think that should be... When I turned 30, well, it was only recently, but I just... The fact that I was single hit me.

So I've been trying to get out there more. But you know how you can get... There's a guy the other day who goes, he was, he was standing next to me. There was these two girls that were quite pretty and we both obviously wanted to talk to them and he, he went and he goes, hello, lovely ladies. And I started laughing and then walked off. And then my thought was, sorry, my thought was there should be like a tribunal of girls, right? Like, I don't know, three of them or four.

I don't know how many. And what you do is you go there and they have to give you four minutes. They have to give you four minutes. And then at the end of the four minutes, they, you know, tribune or whatever they do. And if they like whatever you put forward, you get like a badge, right? And then you wear that badge to the clubs, and that badge tells to every other girl there that you have to get,

you have to give this guy four minutes because he's been vetted by the tribunal. And I actually think that would be a good idea. So it's like a seal of approval from womankind as a whole is what you're proposing. Yeah, and then you get a badge and then they can't brush you off. They have to give you, I don't know, maybe make it two minutes. Are you turning 30 or 5? 35.

It sounds like a child's idea of what girls operate like. I think it's a, yeah. What you've come up with is a strange cross hybrid of speed dating and the Scouts. Spouts. Luke McGregor's Spouts. You've just earned your badge for not knowing how chicks operate, I think. So bad, isn't it?

I wonder if, I hope one day like when I'm like 40 or something, I don't know, something isn't it? I wonder if, I hope one day, like when I'm like 40 or something, I don't know, something kicks in and like I'm this massive player and I'm just going back listening to these podcasts going, oh, I remember that guy. This is what I heard. This is what I heard from another comedian a couple of weeks ago.

I was talking, no, not from another comedian, I shouldn't say, from another person. I heard that you were in conversation. I heard that there was another comedian that's quite a player around the scene and he was trying it on a young girl in the scene. And, you know, and then the girl was sort of like,

oh, look, no, you're a bit of a player you know you're you're you're a bit sleazy you're a bit full-on you know no and then the guy was protesting his innocence going no no no no you've got the wrong idea about me i'm not like that at all i'm really nice like i'm a nice guy i'm a really nice guy she's like oh sure i am you know who isn't you know who isn't you know who gets played up as this nice guy and he's really under the covers? He's a demon. He's a real womanizer. Luke McGregor. Luke McGregor was exposing your womanizing.

Is that true? Not that I know of. I don't think I'd be secretive with it if it was. But I think because, I mean, I guess if I'd grown up really good at it, then I would be secretive. But if all of a sudden I was really good at it, I would be telling the world. It'd be like winning the lotto. You'd be holding up that giant check.

Guys, guess what? Look at her. She's with me. I just like that idea that that person was just trying to make it even harder for you for some reason. Just going, that McGregor needs a bit of a speed hump. He needs something to slow himself down. I think he believes in my ability more than I do.

He wants me to, he's like, I'm going to kick him into gear. He's seen through to your full potential. Yeah. Yeah, he's seen that 40-year-old version of Luke McGregor. Oh, 40 years old. He spotted the potential and just cunning you off at the knees before you can make it. What was your- I'm looking forward to our eventual triple date.

We should record it. I think we're at- What was your sweet coin story that you had? Oh, well, I wouldn't say sweet. But long-term listeners of the show would know, I don't know if we mentioned it once or twice, there's a guy, Coinsy, we call the guy Coinsy, he's a beggar at the front of a spleen bar,

Comedy at Spleen. People, we don't talk too much about the comedy rooms, but it's a room I co-run, Comedy at Spleen. No, no, no, we've got our sponsor. How dare you try and wedge another ad in there? That's a conflict of interest that's going on right now. Dave's calling me. If you want to see comedy, there's only one place to go.

Dave'sOnlineComedyRooms.com. And Luke McGregor is another sponsor, which is sort of comedy related, I guess. Yeah, sure. So tell us about Luke McGregor's Coinsy. Yes. Coinsy was Yes. He, he, Coinsy was,

look, he's a mean beggar. Like there's plenty of like nice beggars. Oh, I know this guy. This is the guy who goes, This is Coinsy. Yeah, he's the one who

you say, have you got any money? And you go, you go, oh no, I don't throw any cash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like,

he's really angry. He's like, buddy, I'm a, you'll see me again. Yeah. Okay. You're not getting

any returning customers here. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, that's what. Yeah. Okay? You're not getting any returning customers here. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's what he does. And then he's got that thing where he obviously sees a million people a day. So he never remembers you. And I've had fights with him and stuff. Not the physical fights, but he's cornered me and I've just teed off or whatever.

He got me again the other day. I always just walk past him. He'll go, excuse me, can I? I go, no, mate, and just walk as quickly as I can past. He came up to me the other day, and he did the same thing. He went, oh, yeah, and I go, nah, and he goes, whoa, and he starts following me because he's got this thing where he turns around and he starts following you because I've seen him.

He chases people down the street. But he doesn't talk like this. He'll be chasing you while going, while he's chasing you. So he did that. He started chasing me and he was like, why don't you ever give me any money? You know, why don't?

And I was like, oh, cool. He's remembered me for once. This has never happened before. So he remembered me. He's like, why don't you give me any money? I'm like, you know why? Because you're an asshole, man. You're an asshole. I watch you. You chase people. You're an arsehole. I watch you.

You chase people. You swear at them. You call people for everything. You know, who wants to give you any money? I remember you, man. You do it all the time to me. And he goes, no, no, I don't. I go, you do, man.

And he goes, no, I only do that when people treat me, you know, like I'm a shit person. I go, well, so they should. You're a shit person. Did you get in your Porsche after that? Did I what? Get in your Porsche. Oh, yeah.

Maybe, like, burn rubber in front of him and let him cough. I think I was actually, because whenever I'm around Spleen, I'm actually carrying quite a bucket full of coins at the time. So they'll come up to me going, oh, you got any coins? I'm like, nah,, I'm actually carrying quite a bucket full of coins at the time. So they'll come up to me going, oh, you got any coins? I'm like, nah, mate. Jingle jangle. Maybe you really have painted a less flattering portrait of yourself on this episode than you usually do. Maybe if you give a beggar next to him who's being really nice to people and going, hi, can I have your day?

And then give him, yes, you can, sir. And then give him like 500 dollars. Yeah, yeah. And see if that works. Well, would they like that I've usually got like a bucket full of 5 cent coins

they don't really want that do they I could get onto my homeless friend and ask him what sort of well that should be

a thing on Google Google it now do homeless people want hundreds of 5 cent coins is that a thing I'll just put in do homeless

and see what starts to come up. Somehow this will, karma will make us all homeless. The three of us are going to. Homeless. Oh, man. Oh, yes. What have you got?

The first one. The very first thing. Do homeless people get knock-knock jokes? That is so good. That is amazing. Well, guys, that does bring us to the end of our little Dumb Dumb Club for another week. Luke McGregor, thank you very much for joining us.

You've got things coming up to plug. You've got your 30th birthday drinks happening at the Harper Veran in Kew on Saturday night at 8pm. Head on down. It's not happening there. Don't go there. It's going to be pretty sweet. I'll send Lance. I've got...

Message me privately, guys, if you want to be my plus one or my plus 100. If you guys want to organise a Project X style thing. I found out that Luke McGregor's party on Saturday night is up against Greg Fleet's 50th birthday party. Oh, really?

I don't think I'm going to get a lot of... I reckon most of the comics will go to Greg. Nah, nah, nah. You've put yours out way in advance. That doesn't matter. You should combine. You should have a joint party. I'll still...

We have got our t-shirts and stuff still on sale littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com if you'd like one also thelittledumbdumbclub dot big cartel dot com do you have a website yet?

no no it's a long story it's a long story are you going to release any other items of clothing other than t-shirts? let's just make sure

we get the t-shirts out of my living room probably cum rag is next let's say let's get rid of the T-shirts out of my living room first. Probably Comrag is next, I'd say. Let's get rid of those T-shirts first. How much room have they taken up in your house? Enough.

Guys, we're also on Facebook. We're also on Twitter. If you're in Brisbane, I think we're there next week from the 24th of October. Go to standup.com.au for more details of that club. Get on the Facebook and Twitter because we've been having a lot of fun lately with people being very funny. All right, guys. Thank you very much for listening and we will see you next time.

See you, mates.