The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 110 - Adam Hills

Episode Date: October 30, 2012

Hairy Vagina 3, Wobsy's Choice and Inflight Entertainment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome into the little dum-dum club for another week. Thank you very much for joining us. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting opposite me, as always, the other half of the program, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. It's good to see you again. Yeah, it's been a long time, hasn't it? Yeah, we've just spent a week together in Brisbane and since we've been back we nearly

made it 24 hours without seeing each other. Yeah, yeah. I think we did pretty well. We did pretty well. Yeah. In each other's pockets for a week. Yeah, yeah. I thought about driving around to your house last night and just sleeping in your living

room just to be able to hear you snoring through the wall again for old times' sake. Did you really hear that? Once I did, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty thin walls in that apartment we were in. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it was good. Thanks, everyone, all the friends of the show that came out to see us in Brisbane. It was much appreciated. And we brought merch up. We brought merch up. Sold a bunch of T-shirts. Yeah.

Mostly to people who didn't know what we were or what the T-shirts were, which was interesting. Friends of the show really let down the team. They actually didn't buy any of our stuff and random just walked past and went, I'm sick of carrying this money around. I'll just, what's that? Okay. Yeah. Like we did a gig and there was a lady at the end of the gig that came up to me and went, how much are those shirts?

And I said, $30. And she goes, $30? What are they? $30? You wouldn't pay $30. And I'm like, okay, tonight they're $29.99 on special for you. And she's like, well, I wouldn't pay it. I said, well, how much would you pay?

And she goes, $20. And I went, okay, it's yours for $20. And she's like, all right then. And like just got dared to buy it and went, all right then, and bought it not knowing what it is. And then her friend who was also drunk just went, nice work, picking on a drunk woman, taking advantage of her. Yeah, that't like that that was a bit weird it was a bit of a weird moment and she said it loud enough for like everyone else in the bar to hear who hadn't

had the context of her buying a t-shirt yeah exactly it's like what are those guys doing in the corner yeah it's just retail it's not assault yeah it was very interesting and then yeah another guy at another gig just randomly bought a t-shirt and then bought a copy of my CD because it was $10 and you owed him $10 change. And it was easier to just take a CD than it was to take back his own money. So if he started and then went, oh, what's your podcast called? And we went, mate, it's written on the T-shirt that you now own. Your T-shirt. Just consult your stomach.

So welcome aboard to that guy if he started listening. I got home. I saw my girlfriend yesterday. I hadn't seen her for a week and she's decided to start doing aerobics since I've been gone. But not like going out and buying videos, just watching clips of aerobic shows on YouTube. That's not doing aerobics. And exercising along to that. Oh, okay, right. That's such a base level of commitment. Different people, different instructors every day. Oh, right. I guess it's a good way of getting the sample of different things.

It's like, you know, you're able to afford a lot of different personal trainers or whatever. Yeah. It doesn't really, it's not too bad to switch between instructors for aerobics. It's not like a life coach messing up your philosophy on life. It's just star jumps, isn't it? But then I was saying to her, like, what, you know, what made you, what spurred this on? What made you do this?

And she said, oh, I just, I just, oh, I was at a friend's house the other night and we were playing Pass the Pigs. And when I've thrown the pigs down on the table, I noticed my arm wobble a bit. And so that made me think I've got to do aerobics. How's that for a way of discovering that you feel like you've got to lose weight? Pass the Pigs. That's how I got into Jane Fonda.

I would have thought it was like looking at the pig and going, man, I don't want to end up that way. I don't want people to think of me as a pig. Like, yeah, very strange. Yeah, pig related but not in the way you'd think. Yeah, I wonder if the makers of Pass the Pigs knew that that's what the game would become one day. Today on the show, a very special guest.

We are super stoked to have him in here. You will know him from Spicks and Specks and Gordon Street tonight. Please welcome into the little dum-dum club, Adam Hill. Yay! Gentlemen, listening to you two talking about having a weekend in Brisbane. Yeah. No, it just made me think of those because there are certain clubs that you play, certain comedy clubs that you play, where instead of putting you up in a hotel,

it's easier for them to just buy an apartment. Yeah. Put comedians up in it. Yes. And there's a different level. It's different when you're staying in a hotel, it's easier for them to just buy an apartment. Yeah. Yeah. Put comedians up in it. Yes. And there's a different level. It's different when you're staying in a hotel with someone because you might see each other at breakfast. Yeah.

You might not even see them for the day. Yeah. But when you're in an apartment, you kind of get up in the morning and go, hey, do you want some breakfast? Yeah, come on. And you end up having a little like mandate together for a few days. Yeah. Yeah.

It's pretty, it's bizarre. Yeah. I did that with Tony Law, Canadian comedian. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a club in Newcastle that did it, the Hyena Club in Newcastle in England. Yeah. I did that with Tony Law, Canadian comedian. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a club in Newcastle that did it, the Hyena Club in Newcastle in England. Right. And so I did a weekend. I did four nights there with Tony Law.

And every day we just got up. And somewhere during the first day, we decided we were going to talk like death. Right. Like we were both camp Canadians living together. We kept that up for four days. Yeah. At no point during the four days did we not, okay, scooter, I'm just going to go on stage

and do one of my little sketches now. Okay, good luck with your sketch. Out of all places, I'd imagine that Newcastle and England would be the least tolerant for people walking around with that voice. We did not stop, mainly because of that. I like the idea that you become so ingrained in doing it that when you're doing your gigs, you actually forget to not do the voice because you've just been doing it all day.

Everyone's like, what is this weird camp comedy night we've come along to? The other guy was Frankie Boyle. Oh, right. People know from Mock the Week on English TV and who was known for being just the most brutal, offensive comedian. And yet three days in an apartment with him, we talked about Tai Chi. We talked about the Mayan prophecy of 2012.

And this was like 10, 15 years ago we were doing this. We had the most lovely, gentle, non-alcoholic weekend. Well, we had the most famous person in my flat was Tommy Daslow, so it was slightly less impressive. What is good, though, is the flat that we were staying in, it was exactly the same setup. They put us up in the comedian flat, and it was like the flat that porn forgot. It was a setup where they'd given us all this sort of stuff, but it was all porn in VHS and stuff like that.

Oh, I know that flat. Yeah, right, right, right. I stayed there. Yeah. You probably know the VHSs. You've seen the- I know that flat. Yeah, right, right, right. I stayed there. Yeah. You probably know the VHSs. You've seen the... I didn't know what to do with them. Yeah.

Yeah, they've got like a hundred movies on VHS and they've got like, there's some weird ones. Like there's, you know, The Godfather and, you know, The Godfather Part Two and like Star Wars and all those kind of big ones that you can imagine comedians sitting around during the day and watching out of boredom. Yeah. And then just randomly there'll be like Air Bud is in there. Like who's, which comedians are sitting down and going,

I chucked this on before the gig, this will rip us up. Hang on, Air Bud or Hairy Muffs 3. So which one will we go with? There was, there was a stack of pornography that focused explicitly on hairy genitalia. Yeah. About eight of them. Is that an area of pornography?

Do you know, maybe you can just, maybe you just have to go back and look who's been there recently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they'd gotten rid of the guest book, so obviously they'd erased the evidence. But appropriately enough, the specific Hairy Muff pornography was on VHS, so it's sort of linked in. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what's weird is that you start doing comedy and that's your day. Your day is watching Hairy Muff 3.

At the very start of doing comedy and that's your day. Your day is watching Hairy Muff 3. At the very start of doing comedy too. Before you even do your first gig, you have to sit down and watch Hairy Muff 3. And then you stay in an apartment somewhere and then you get to about 6 o'clock at night and think, oh, we should probably get out of the flat. Yeah. Yeah, let's go and get something to eat. And then you grab something to eat at the venue. You do your 15 minutes on stage or your 20 minutes on stage.

You have a few drinks. And that's your life. Yeah. And then, and you love it. You love it because of that life. And then you kind of get to a point where, you know, you've got a TV show and then you have to do interviews for your upcoming show and you've got a DVD to promote

and you kind of go, where's the lifestyle I used to love? Yeah. I'm with you. I'm glad we're unsuccessful. That sounds horrible what you're talking about. Well, no, it's fine. I was talking to Jason Byrne a few months ago and Jason Byrne has just been picked up for his own BBC sitcom.

Oh, wow. Like in BBC One, Primetime in Britain. Like it's going to be enormous. Yeah. And I went, oh, my God, that's amazing. He went, yeah, but I'm doing a tour at the same time. So I've kind of try and write. And you got like, his dream has come true, but he can't devote all his time to it because

he's got a tour as well at the same time and promote all this other stuff. And you kind of end up going, oh, I miss just, I don't have any. Go back to watching Harry Muffet. Yeah. No time for outdated pornography. Yeah. But that's the thing. Like I'm still new enough to it where that thing of going

and spending your days doing nothing, I still delude myself before I go anywhere by going, no, this would be good. I'm going to get up during the day. I'm going to go explore the city. I'll go to the local gallery. The first day I'll go down to the supermarket, get a lot of ingredients because I'll cook.

That'll fill up some time. If I cook some nice meals for dinner every day, that's a couple of hours gone. I'll save money on food. And then just, nah, it's McDonald's every night and Harry Muff 3 on a constant loop. I'm pretty sure there's a gym in Edinburgh during the Edinburgh Fringe Festival that solely exists because at the beginning of every festival, every comedian buys a month

long membership and then never uses it. Yeah, they have one day where they sign everyone up and then they just close for the rest of the festival. We've done it again. Just to see if anyone notices. Do you know, Ross Noble told me, if ever you're on tour with Ross Noble, it's not Hairy Muff 3. It's, right, we're going gore-karting.

I found a gore-kart track tomorrow morning, and then the next day, it's jet biking. I don't even know if jet biking is a thing. I'm sure if it is, he will find a way. People have already bought their membership to jet biking. They're not going to find out. He does that specifically so that when he gets on stage, he's got something to talk about.

And even if he doesn't talk about what he did during the day, his brain's working and it's clicking because it's been exercised during the day. Yeah, right. So he will, I mean, it's exhausting. I know what you mean though because sometimes, you know, like, to be honest, you do, you know, the podcast and, you know, with Breakfast Radio, it must be obviously five times worse, but you go, okay, you go out, you record something like this and then you go, I better go and do something so something can happen to me so I can talk about something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I just go home and watch Harry Must Free, like there's a, there's a, you can't go out on stage every night or next week and go, you know that bit where the black guy walks in, in Hairy Muffs 3, and he's like, hey, that ain't hairy. That's in hairy. And the crowd is like. We should be careful.

I think if we mention Hairy Muffs 3 one more time, we're going to have to start paying royalties on it. Or they should be paying you for advertising. Yeah, true. It could go either way, yeah. This show should have a disclaimer at the beginning of it. You know, sometimes TV shows, promotional furnishings, have been supplied by Hairy Muffin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not quite James Bond wearing a mega watch. Yeah, I've started doing that. Since doing this show, I've been doing weight. People ask me to do things where normally I would go, I've got no interest in that. But now I go, oh, that could be a story for the podcast. And then like I went go-karting two weeks ago,

thinking this will be something, and then went and went, spent $100 go-karting and got no stories out of it. All I did was just go go-karting, like just drove around a track. I was like going, oh, someone crash into me and break my arm or something. I've got to have something to talk about. Well, this is what happened this week, right? And it's tied in with that, with just wanting something funny to happen so you can talk about it.

A guy rang me, and I've talked about it on the show before. I help organise a couple of comedy rooms in Melbourne. So I'll often get someone ringing from interstate or people, you know, we'll hitch up for gigs. New comics are always desperate for stage time and all that sort of stuff. So this guy's rung me up and gone, hey, I'm coming from interstate. I'm wanting to get on in the next couple of days to do a gig. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's cool.

But it's a really hard one at this time of year to be trying to get on stage. We're really full. If you had to hit me up weeks ago, maybe it would have been a bit easier. And he's like, oh, right. Well, I thought that might have been it. But look, to be honest, I thought I could win you over just by being really funny on the phone. And I'm like, well, you're struggling a little bit so far because all you've done is ask

for a gig. Like, there's been no angle. And he's like, no, no, no, hear me out, hear me out. All right, what I'm going to do, I'm going to tell you jokes on the phone. Yeah, no, but don't you get it? You said it's this hard to get a gig at this stage of the year and he still asked. That's funny, man. Yeah, I get it. Okay, right. Don't you get it? You said it's this hard to get a gig at this stage of the year, and he still asked. That's funny, man. Yeah, I get it.

Don't you get it? You don't understand humour? I don't get comedies. So he went, I'll tell you a joke. So I'm like, man, this sounds terrible. I said, full disclaimer, this sounds awful. Like anyone telling a person, you know, another comedian one-on-one a joke, like that's not good, let alone with the pressure of this better be funny.

This is budget cuts have really hit the latest season of Last Comic Standing. This has just gone down the drain. Or maybe he's just trying new. He's just ringing people and trying new. But anyway, because he can't get on stage. Or maybe before he made the phone call, he went, I'll probably get some good material out of it. Yeah.

He might have his own podcast. Yeah. Yeah. So what happened? So what he did, he goes, I'll tell you a joke. And I'm like, oh, look, man, you're a comedian talking to another comedian. This is actually the definition of a tough room. Like we stand up the back.

And if you were telling this joke on stage, I'd be standing up the back bitching and saying to someone, what's this crap? He does a joke and doesn't go, well, geez, tough line. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So anyway, he goes, right, okay, I'll do it. And I go, okay. And that's when it clicked in. I went, you know what? This will be hopefully something funny will happen.

All right. As much as I'm going to hate listening to it, go for it. And he goes, not only that, it's going to be an impro. It's going to be an impro joke. Oh, yes. Yes. Goodness me. Wow.

I'm like, okay. So has anyone on this phone line ever been to the beach? Yeah. But it was like that. He goes, okay, name three things. Name three things. And I went, all right. All right, I'm going to commit to it.

Here we go. All right. Okay, three things. So I thought I'd give you some juicy softballs. I went, women, Christmas, and cars. There you go. I haven't given you any algebra formulas. There's some big ones, some big hot topics. He's like, okay, all right, all right, here we go. All right. Okay, what's your favorite supermodel, first of all? What's your favorite supermodel? Subcateg? What's your favourite supermodel?

Subcategories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus. He's getting to know me. And I go, oh, look, I don't know. Are there supermodels? I don't know. And he goes, oh, well, it'd have to be either Naomi Campbell or Cindy Crawford.

And I'm like, would it have to be? Aren't they 50-year-old women now? And I'm thinking, not only, like, with these outdated references, not only is this, this is like an old joke, and the joke hasn't been created anymore. Whatever it is going to be, it's going to be referring to hack material. So, anyway, I go, oh, look, if I have to choose, I'll go with Cindy Crawford. And he went, okay, all right, right.

Now, what sort of car do you drive? Crawford. He went, okay, all right, right. Now, what sort of car do you drive? And I went, like a little BMW. He went, oh, right, okay, right, okay, I got it, right, here we go. What's the difference between Cindy Crawford and your car? And I went, oh, God, no. What?

And he goes, both of them really like to suck balls. No! Yes! Both of them really like to suck balls. And I'm like, I've got so many questions. Yeah. Right. Why did I have, why was it a supermodel?

What is it about supermodels and their willingness to suck testicles? Why couldn't it have been anyone? And why did it have to be outdated? Why did it have to be 40 to 50-year-old women that I have to think about sucking balls? But I also like that he's gone, what's the difference between? And then the end was, they both do this. The difference between them is that they have a commonality. There is no difference.

They are exactly the same. You may be driving around in Cindy Crawford right now. Wow. And yet, I mean, how hard would it have been to have just, to have actually gone, what's the difference between Cindy Crawford and your car? There's a chance you'll get into your car tomorrow. Yeah. It's not even hard to come up with a dumb punch.

And that's why you may do a gig now. What about this? You've put your dick in your car's exhaust pipe. Can I have a gig? May I please have a gig? So not only that, so he's used outdated references. He's supermodels. He's, you know what, he's asking for a gig.

He's asking for a gig, right? And he's gone You're The punchline of the joke is You drive a BMW It sucks balls Can I have a gig off you Your car And not only that

The most important thing is Where's the reference to Christmas You have failed in your improv joke Both your car And Cindy Crawford Suck balls On the 25th of December How about What's the difference between improv joke. Both your car and Cindy Crawford suck balls on the 25th of December. How about what's the difference between Cindy Crawford and your car? Your car might make it to Christmas.

Yeah. There you go. Bang. Wow. How many gigs has Hilsey got? It's amazing. He's putting on a master class on how to ask for a gig. For a second there, I thought this guy could have been a comedy genius.

Was there a moment where you... No, I still think that. Look, it did make me laugh. I was tempted to put him on if I thought it was going to be a room full of other comedians. But because it's a room full of normal people who like stuff that isn't insane... Yeah. Is he from Melbourne? He's not from Melbourne.

Because I was going to say, you should put him on, but his gig is you on stage talking to him on speakerphone and holding the phone up to the mic. That's his gig. Do you know what? You could build this up. This guy could be like an urban hero. The more you talk about this guy on the podcast,

like when he gets to the stage, you could build up some urban for him. Well, I mean, if you'd talked about this guy for this long in Gordon Street tonight, he'd have a bloody Facebook fan page already. Yes. Maybe we can get listeners every week to send in three words. And this guy can make a joke every week.

Let's do it. He can make a joke out of two of them and just ignore the one that he doesn't want to talk about. Yeah, and whatever his name is, it's just Wobbsy's choice. Like, he gets to pick which one he ign and whatever his name is, it's just Wobbsy's choice. Like he gets to pick which one he ignores. Yeah. Oh, it's so good.

That's great. People send in your words. Send in three words. Yeah. There's a glint in Adam's eye that I can see going, I'm going to kick Hannah Gadsby off the show. Get this bloke in. New sidekick.

What about that? I think I'm going to start ringing you. Yeah. As soon as this is released, I'm going to ring you the next day and just go, G'day, mate. It's me again. They were just talking about me yesterday. This is awesome.

I love this. Well, what about this? If we're going to get this guy to give us a joke every week based on three suggestions, for next week, Adam, would you like to do the honours and give out the three words? Have a think by the end of the show. Have a think of three and we'll give them out at the end and then get in touch with this guy and get him to give us his new joke.

Yeah. Well, this has literally answered the question of someone that just rang me before the show, which was, hey, ask Adam Hills if his show's coming back next year and if I still have a job on it. The caller was Dave O'Neill. Yes and no. Yeah, we are coming back next year. Golden Street's going to be back a bit later in the year

because I'm about to go back to London. I hosted a TV show during the Paralympics, which was kind of like just a late-night wrap-up of the Paralympics. We'd watch all the events. In fact, it'd be broad. We'd be watching events right up until we went on air. Sometimes we were late because of what was happening. And then we'd just go straight on air live and go, how cool was that?

And show some clips of the day. Yep. But no one had ever done comedy about disabilities before. Yeah. And certainly not about the Paralympics. So, you know, I was just doing what I've always done on stage. And people went, oh my God, this is groundbreaking. I was like, oh no, it's not.

I've been doing this for four years at least. Yeah. So anyway, it became a bit of a thing. So they now want to turn it into a series. Great. So I'm going to go back and do a series of that in February, March. So the Paralympics got picked up for a full run. Yeah.

They're every year now. They haven't worked that bit out yet. Paralympics got renewed, guys. You're all coming back in a month's time. That is the way television works. Yeah. Oh, that show you did about that thing that only happens once every four years was great. How can we keep doing it?

Yeah, how can we put the Halley's Comet Hour on every week of the year? We have fast-tracked the para-Commonwealth Games. We think we've found a way of doing it, of kind of the idea of the show will be to give attention to para-sports throughout the years. Because, you know, throughout the year there's wheelchair basketball that goes on, there's amputee athletics, there's all this kind of stuff

that, you know, and it happens with the Olympics as well, but at least you've got the Commonwealth Games and you've got the Athletics World Cup and people go, yeah, yeah, the Olympics still, you know, and we still high jump and stuff. Yeah. But people really forget about the Paralympics. And there's so much comedy, you know, it's so fertile for comedy material because it's

stuff that no one's ever talked about before. No one's, everyone's been, everyone's been too scared to talk about it. Well, even right now, because you're showing us your leg right now. Yeah, it is a hot day in Melbourne today, we should say that. And you've turned up in shorts with the leg on full display. And I've never seen the leg in person before. And you're seeing a special version of the leg because I had a bet on the last leg, which was the name of the Paralympic show.

They wanted to call it The Last Leg and the amount of complaints we got. Oh, really? Oh, how dare you? This is just inappropriate. And from people that have nothing to do with it probably as well. Oh, yeah, God, it was just all over Twitter. It stopped after about three days when they realised what the show was. Right.

So we had a bet on that show. One of the other guys, one of the presenters, he had hand deformities and he was missing a foot. And I went, right, let's make this interesting. If Britain beat Australia in the medal tally, I will have my foot painted with the Union Jack. Right. And if Australia beat Britain, you have to have yours painted green and gold. And then it got to the final night of our show. There was one day of competition left and it could have gone either way. So he had a kangaroo road sign

and an Australian flag painted on his foot. But I sent mine away and got mine custom done. Oh yeah, right. Oh yes. Oh, you've got your logo on there. You've got Adam Hill's name on there. Oh, wow. Team GB Stella McCartney design. Is it really Stella McCartney? Well, yeah, because she designed all the Team GB outfits, which was like a blue, it's like the Union Jack,

but all blue, like dark blue, light blue, and then one red strip up the back. Wow. So that's basically what I've visited. That is two degrees of Beatles right there. Totally. Yeah. That's awesome.

I like the idea of having your advertising for yourself on your own leg. It's like, when's that going to pay off? Like when you're in a public toilet in a cubicle and someone's just having a peek down in a little gap underneath going, oh yeah, Adam Hill's show's on tomorrow night. Well, the weird thing is, so now I've got, you know, my leg used to be basically skin coloured. It was flesh coloured. So people would kind of look and not look and go, it's a brace, and then they'd look away.

Now people look and they just assume it's a broken, like it's a cast, like it's a broken leg. So people are more open about going, oh, what happened to your leg, mate? Whereas before they'd go, oh, mate, just look away. Now they go, oh, what's going on? No, they go, what happened to your leg, Adam Hills? Of Britain.

The great thing was after having it done, well, the thing is, yeah, it is the Union Jack, so all I can do is put a white star here and then the Southern Cross down the bottom, and technically it's the Australian flag. You can get a Southern Cross tat on your leg. Yeah. On the other leg. Yeah.

Yeah, right. And then when I stand together. Yeah tat on your leg. Yeah. On the other leg? Yeah. Yeah, right. And then when I stand together. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. The great thing was after doing the Paralympics, I went to Belfast to film a TV show over there and got out of a cab at the hotel and this guy standing at the front of the hotel

just looked at me and went, have you still got the Union Jack on your leg? Yeah, I have. And he went, you might want to wear a green sock. So it's weird. The IRA could have bombed your leg. Well, the only thing... My only saving grace was I just thought if anyone looks at it and goes,

so you got a union jacket? And he's like, yeah, we should do something about it. Break his ankles. Chill it. Chill it. So, but yeah, today's the first day of shorts back in Australia. Yeah. For me.

So it's going to be interesting to see how people react. Yeah, yeah. Right. Well, with you saying, making jokes about that sort of subject matter, is it sort of like, because you've got the leg, is it sort of like, oh, you're black, you can say the N word, but we can't say the N word. We can't say the L word. Yes.

To a degree. Yeah, to a degree. I think with something like that, you've got to explain to people where you're coming from. And they have to know that you're coming from the best possible place. With comedy generally. Yeah. There's a big thing in Britain at the moment and in Australia about what's offensive, what's not offensive. Yeah.

And I think it really comes down to where it's coming from. And if you're demeaning someone, if you're being nasty, if you're sticking the boot into someone below you, which as an able-bodied person making fun of disabled people, it could be seen to be that. Yeah. So I reckon I still could have told the same jokes if I'd been completely able-bodied. Yeah. But I really would have had to have set up, okay, I love the Paralympics. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is amazing. This is brilliant. Now let's make a few jokes. Yeah, yeah. With the foot, it probably just fast-tracked that a bit for me. But we still got complaints. You can't display, I guess, the foot at all times on TV, so there would have been people coming halfway through the show

and going, who's this bloke hanging shit on us? You have to every five seconds just go, hey, just remember, I can do this. I made sure I mentioned it a few times in the first few shows. But there was one night where we were having tweets sent in because people wanted to ask questions about the Paralympics. And someone sent in a tweet saying, is it okay to ask how a guy with no arms gets out of the pool?

Yeah, right. And we went, yeah, okay, let's answer that question. Yes, it is. And here's a video footage of a guy with no arms getting out of the pool. And he kind of used his neck and the rest of his body to wedge himself out and up the stairs. And then we had complaints the next day, saying, you know, come on, you're just making fun.

And then I looked back through the tweets, and I realised that that tweet had been sent by the captain of the US wheelchair rugby team, who were all sitting around in the village watching the show, going, hey, hey, how does a guy with no arms get out of the pool? I don't know, how does a guy? Well, let's send in a tweet. I don't know why it's Seinfeld suddenly. I don't know. How does he get out of the pool? He can't get out of the pool. So then we realized, well, okay, the people with disabilities want to have these questions answered as well. So then gradually it kind of became, you know,

and by the end of it I could make jokes. I opened one show by saying something like, today there was blind football, blind long jump and blind athletics. If you didn't see any of it, don't worry, neither did they. By night eight I could get away with that. Right. In the first couple of shows.

Right. Yeah, that's not an opener. No, no, no. You've got to let people know where you're coming from. Yeah, yeah, right. Sorry. And so, yeah, and eventually we an opener. No, no, no. You've got to let people know where you're coming from. Yeah, yeah, right. Sorry. Yeah, and eventually we got there. Yeah.

Well, just on that topic, you just reminded me, Carl, when we were in Brisbane, I have a section of my stand-up act, my little skit, my little comedy skit. Yeah, your sketch. My little sketch, yes. I've talked about this on the show before, about me surviving cancer when I was 10. Right.

And I would do that on stage. And our first night there, we're upstairs at the bar after the gig. And this girl, quite attractive young girl, comes up to me as I'm at the bar and goes, did you really have cancer or did you just make that up for a joke? And I just went, how much of a horrendous person would I be if that was a thing that I did? And she goes, so it's true then? And I went, yeah, it's true. And then she goes, aww, and like starts rubbing me on the shoulder.

I'm like, I like it how I've gone from some prick who lies about illness to an object of sympathy within literally 10 seconds. This is bizarre. Wow, I think there was a lot more going on there. That was a girl who quite fancied you. Yeah, I know. I'm lot more going on there. That was a girl who quite fancied you. Yeah. Mate, I know. I'm just trying to be humble about it. You actually made up that first half of the story.

You made up the making up story about cancer. You just want to tell us that a girl touched you. We get it. And went, oh. Yeah. Okay, that's the end of the episode. Everyone know that I've gotten that out. I'm done.

I used to get that with my foot as well, though. When I first started talking about my foot on stage, what was really interesting for me was... Is that a real fake leg? Yeah. I started talking about my foot early days of comedy when I was about maybe a year and a half into it. I was comparing two shows back to back at the Sydney Comedy Store and I only had 15 minutes of material. Most of the audience from the first show stayed over for the second show. Yeah. And I went, well, I can't do the same gear.

Nah. And I thought, oh, I've thought of this funny thing about my foot. I'll talk about it. And I did a joke and that was about it. And another comic that night took me aside and went, he said, mate, don't talk about your foot. And I went, what? And he went, nah, don't talk about your foot. You don't need to.

Build up your comic chops first. Work out what you're doing, how to be funny. You can talk about it later, but work out how to be funny first. And I had a manager at the same time who said a similar thing. He said, if you talk about your foot on stage now, you'll just become the one-legged comedian for the rest of your career. The guy who told you that, though, he had a fake toe, and he's just worried that you're going to blitz his gear out of the water.

It's like his bits times five. So I didn't talk about it for years and years and years. And part of it, like that was stuck in my head, prove, you know, prove that you can be a comedian before you talk about your foot. And weirdly, it was when I was nominated for the Perrier Award in Edinburgh, then something in my head went, okay, you know what? I've now proved it to myself. Yeah.

I can be funny and be nominated for an award without having to talk about my foot. Right. And then September 11 happened, not long after that, and I found it hilarious going through airport metal detectors and watching security guards get freaked out. Like, they're being all efficient. Right, come on. We've got to make sure everything's all right.

And then they'd see my foot and go, oh, no, just go, just go, just go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wouldn't check. And I ended up coming up with a joke of they looked at me with a look on their face of, I don't care if the plane goes down. I don't want to offend a spastic. Yeah. And for me, that was the whole point of that joke, that one joke was the whole point of talking about my foot,

was that people are more scared of offending me than they are that they might be letting a terrorist on me. Well, that's why I'm waiting to win a Barry before I start talking about my irritable bowel syndrome. I don't want to lean on that. Yeah. See, I've done cancer.

Once I get nominated for the Barry, I'm going to talk about my crippling Lou Gehrig's disease that I managed to overcome. The arrogance. Once I get nominated. When it happens. Yeah. So once, excuse me,

once I started talking about my foot on stage, I then had to show it. Cause you can't just go, so I've got an artificial foot, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you're in a pair of jeans and people go, oh, is this a joke? Yeah. So then I would lift my jeans up.

Every time I talked about it, I'd lift my trousers up so people could see it. But I would still have people coming up afterwards going, do you really have an artificial foot? Yeah. Wow. I mean, it's one thing, you know, it would be horrific to make up a story about having cancer when you were 10. Yeah.

It's just as horrific to pretend you've got a foot by strapping a fake cast to your own leg. And go, yeah, what do you think I do before every show? Have I got it? Oh, oh, oh, I haven't strapped on the fake cast yet. Yeah, and you've got a certain condition at your gigs where there's a line of sight that people cannot sit within because otherwise they can just see that your leg is kind of propped up

behind you on the prosthetic. There can only be two rows directly in front of me. I guess there's that thing, though, with comedians, most of what we do is tell funny lies. Yeah. You know, whether it be exaggerating a funny story or, you know, so my mother-in-law's and you go, okay, clearly this is a joke. So I guess when someone does do something honest as an audience, sometimes you go, is

this, you know, and half the comedy is sucking people in. Half of it is telling them something they think is true. For sure. Now that you say that, I think, you know what, if anyone came up to me after one of my gigs, I don't think I'd say one true thing in my entire act. Maybe that's what, yeah, that's what would have led the girl to believe this at this gig because right on before me was Carl doing jokes about bloody dating a dinosaur or whatever.

Yeah, whatever I talk about. And then suddenly if I'm saying my things real, suddenly it's like, well, is everything tonight for real? Is he really a taxidermist? No, she just believed me. She didn't come up. She was like, no, that's fine. It was actually the friend of the girl who bought the T-shirt.

Yeah, the one who accused us of taking advantage of a drunk woman. Yeah. She didn't believe a thing. Neither of them believed anything we said that night. Was that T-shirt really $30? Do you really have cancer? Wow. Everyone from Melbourne are liars, apparently.

Yeah. Hilsey, now you started very early on. You did Breakfast Radio and stuff like that. Yep. Now, what fascinates me is that you were doing gotcha calls, weren't you? Yes. Stuff like that, prank calls. Yeah.

Which I find, without knowing exactly what you did, because you're known as Australia's nicest comedian, and you're doing the prank calls. What are you doing? Like, ringing people up, going, I'm outside your house. I just put money in your meter. Gotcha! No, it was, and you know, gotcha calls have been done for years, clearly. I think it came about because we just did a prank call one morning,

which I thought would be funny to call. There was a mouse plague in South Australia, and we called a local butcher asking if we could sell him some mouse steaks. Right. Like that was just, and you know, of course, and it was, it was particularly funny that morning for some reason. Yeah. And then of course the bosses go, oh, you did something funny.

Do it every day. Right. Do it every day. Make it a segment and make a little sting at the end. Yeah. So we did. The way I did it would always be to try and infuriate someone enough that when you went, this is a gotcha call, it was a relief and they would laugh.

Yeah, right. Yeah. So that was the first part of it. You know, you don't want to, you've seen them on TV shows or The Simpsons. Hey, your son's dead. Oh my God, my son's dead. Hey, why are you laughing? Ah, because it's a prank call.

My son's not dead. No, he's just in hospital So we never really wanted to be quite that bad But it'd be like I'm trying to think I think my favourite was ringing a girl And the other thing was We got people's friends in on it

So we said, if you want someone called out Yeah, yeah, yeah So what happened then was They became quite inventive Because people would go Oh, my mate Here's some inside information And there was one girl who had a tortoise that she thought was a bit sluggish.

Of course, it's a tortoise. She thought. She wrongly thought. She was worried about her turtle, a turtle tortoise, and didn't know whether to take it to the vet. And I think she had called the vet and left a message, that's right. So I got in really quickly and called her back and just said, look, can you explain what's going on?

And she explained it, and I went, oh, look, he's just, how often do you clean him? And she went, oh, what do you mean clean him? And I went, well, how often do you take him out of the shell and give him a scrub? She went, oh, I've never done that. I went, oh, my God, no wonder. He's probably filthy.

You're going to have to take him out of the shell and give him a scrub. Is there a happy ending coming up? I was like, well, just, you know, just grab some, like a pliers or something and just grab his little head. Oh boy. And just pull him, just like, and she's going, I couldn't. Oh, what if I hurt him? I went, well, you're going to have to, I mean, this is your turtle's life at stake. I said, tell you what, here's what you do.

Blow up a paper bag, sneak up behind him and just pop the bag and the fear will make him jump out. So it wasn't like I was ruining her day. I was just seeing how far I could string them along. You were ruining the turtle's day. And of course she never did it, but the question was, how far could we push her with this girl? And after you killed that turtle, you decided, this is it, I've got to be the nice guy from now on.

I don't want any more turtle deaths. I guess it was less about infuriating people maybe and more about stringing them along and seeing how far you could get them to believe. Yeah. We've sort of got to the opposite of this on this show at the moment. Last week, I did a little thing that I thought was going to be funny last week. I put some posters up around town and said, Hey, I need something to talk about on a podcast. Please text or call me Tommy. And then I put Tommy's phone number, just thinking we might get a couple of texts or whatever. Tommy reacted to that by giving out my phone number on this show. So instead of me doing the gotcha calls, I've been getting phone calls and text messages all week.

All week. Saying what? What have you been getting? And also, but I may just say this, it was actually sweet timing because that episode went up the very day that we went to Brisbane. So I've been around the receiving of the calls and texts all week. All I've got is weird texts and some people going, hey, I like the show, and then a lot of people ringing up and then hanging up, or a lot of people ringing up and then me going, yes, hello, hello, and then them obviously putting on a voice and going,

you should talk about pizza on your podcast. And then hanging out. That is a good idea. Lucky you put a voice on. That is a very good idea. Because if I'd heard your real voice then I could have, no, nothing. I could have shazammed your voice. I have a question for you.

So your phone number was given out by Tommy. Yes. Okay, when did the podcast? A week ago. A week ago. Yeah. When did the guy win? A week ago. A week ago. Yeah. When did the guy call you? No.

I know. I know. It wasn't that. I found out. I did my research and I found that out. Yeah. He was actually a comedian? Yes.

And he did want the three word improv? Yes. You know what? That's the first thing I thought, but the timing was too close. And then I rang someone in the state that that guy was ringing from and went, what's this guy? Is this guy on the level? Is this guy?

And I told the story to the other guy and went, is this guy mental enough to have done this? And he goes, definitely yes. Oh, wow. We still need three words for him. Yeah. Yeah. No, we can save it for the end.

We can keep thinking. Keep thinking. So look, yeah, gotcha calls. It was more about just how absurd you could possibly make it before someone would catch on. And that was the joy of it because as the listener, you're going, surely this person's worked it out by now. Right.

Surely. But then by the end of it, it would just be stuff like ringing people up and saying, no, there was another one. There was someone who – getting the inside information was really important. I remember someone who sent in a fax, it was in the days of faxes, saying, oh, my friend just got back from, she went out on a shopping trip, she bought a skirt and she bought a jacket and they only charged her for one of them on her credit card. And she's all excited that she got away with the other one.

So then I just called her up at work and went, oh, I'm calling from the store. We've just found out. So we've just taken the amount out of your credit, oh, I'm calling from the store. We've just found out. So we've just taken the amount out of your credit card. And of course, how dare you? You can't do that. And then you showed her the leg and went, I can do anything. I can do anything. So it was always that thing of just, you just made it so that when they found out what had

happened, it was a relief and they laughed. And of course, you could go, and do you know who set you up for this? Hey, it's Susan that works across the, oh, that bitch Susan. And then, you know, you're off the hook. I like that this started from you making a prank call about mouse steaks and the boss coming in and going, that's great. You got to do that every day. We're like, you know, in another world, it could have been, that's great. Do that every day. You've got to have a mouse segment every single day from now on. Tell as many mouse stories as you can.

During the Paralympics, the first show that we put to air, we just showed bits of funny footage, and there was one bit of footage of a dwarf powerlifter getting psyched up before going out, and his full-sized, regular-sized coach slapped him around the face and batted him on top of the head and gave him smelling salts. And it's just a funny, even if, even if that was, you know, a regular-sized power lifter, that's funny.

But when it's a guy patting a dwarf on the head and smacking him around the face, it's kind of like, that's weird, but it's okay, but it's funny. So we played it. And then the next day, one of the producers came in and went, oh, we love that. We love that. The head of the network loved that.

More dwarves. We need more dwarves. More dwarves. Do you know what you could do? Here's what you could do. You could have a segment where you read out all the patronising things that the press have said about the Paralympics while patting a dwarf on the head.

Whoa! Have they just been going into their own archives and finding Benny Hill clips? Isn't that exactly what... Wow, judging from the complaint tweets you got about what went to air, thank God no one saw the bloody meetings Oh my god Thank god they were broadcast But you know that's the thing

A lot of the time with producers and the like They don't know what's going to be funny And then they see something funny And then go just keep doing that Yeah Without knowing why I like the idea of them liking found footage You didn't create it

It's not like going Oh you know that sketch you wrote about caterpillars? Do another one of them. Go and find more small people being abused. Go and find that. Here's my prediction. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to do this. I don't know why I've called him Wobbsy, the guy that's called up with his three words. It seems like a good name for him without wanting

to name him. What did you call it? Wobbsy's Choice. Wobbsy's Choice, yeah. So this is going to become a thing. And in six months' time, you're going to doy's Choice. So this is going to become a thing, and in six months' time, you're going to do it every week. People are going to send in three words, and Wobbsy's going to come up with just an appalling joke that makes no sense. But someone in a commercial network radio station will hear it.

Yeah. Do you know what? We should get our breakfast crew to do that. After all, two of the three are called Wobbsy already. It seems fitting. All right, people, 17 past the hour. This is what you're going to hear. 17 past the hour.

It's time for Jimbo's Choice. Call up, give us three words. Jimbo, our ex-AFL footy player, will try and make a sentence out of them. Ring up Wobbsy, Jimbo and Wobbsy. I really would prefer that if the Wobbsys were side by side. Wobbsy, Wobbsy and Jimbo. Not Wobbsy. I really would prefer that if the Wobbsys were side by side. Wobbsy, Wobbsy and Jimbo. Not Wobbsy. Jimbo and the Wobbsys.

Oh, wow. And then, you know, and then it'll become a thing. And then it'll die after one day on air. Oh, it didn't work. Why didn't it work for those guys in the podcast? I don't know. Yeah. And then it comes full circle back to us and it's like, oh,

Dumb Dumb Club, they're still doing rejected breakfast radio ideas. Yeah. I like this future where someone rips off our idea, we don't get any work and we die completely anonymously. No one having ever known our contribution to commercial radio. Just looking up on your Wikipedia page before, Adam, I found this is a little tidbit that I found interesting. According to your page, and this may not be true, but what inspired you to get into comedy was listening to a comedy channel on a plane? Yes.

That is such a bizarre way to be influenced into doing stand-up. I probably was about nine. And we were, see, the whole story is my dad worked for Qantas. So we got free family trips. But we couldn't book the tickets. You just had to turn up and go on standby. Yeah, yeah. So often we just got whatever seats were available on the plane.

And I think our first family holiday, I was probably eight or nine, and we went to the States. And my brother and I were sitting in two seats, and my parents were about four rows back. And I put on the headsets, and I heard Victor Borger doing comedy. And I don't know if up until that point I'd heard comedy, but I remember standing up on the seat and looking back at my parents going, mom, dad, there's a man being funny on the radio.

And I went, just sit down and keep listening. So I sat and listened to all 40 minutes of Bill Cosby, Billy Connolly, you know, all the way to the end of the loop. And then it would rewind for 15 minutes and then it would start again for five minutes or whatever. So it was a cassette. Yeah. the end of the loop and then it would rewind for 15 minutes and then it would start again for five minutes. So it was a cassette. Yeah. So it'd go to the end and then there'd be five minutes of silence while it re-round and then you'd listen.

And I must have listened three or four times. And so I became, I remember hearing Victor Borger doing a routine that you can still find about how punctuation should have noises. So when people are speaking, you know where the commas are and where the full stops are. Right. So, you know, a fullas are and where the full stops are. So a full stop would be, and a question mark would be. And then he goes in this whole routine where he quotes a piece of Wuthering Heights or something using exclamation marks and hyphens and everything.

But then I would listen over and over, and I'd just, you'd listen one time and go, ah, that's really funny. And then I'd listen again and go, ah, okay. So this is like a routine. And then I'd listen again and go, ah, okay. So this is like a routine. And then I'd listen again and go, oh, wow, so there's a pause there. And I just became entranced by the rhythm of it. And the more I listened to it, the more I heard the layers of it, I suppose. So by the time you got from Adelaide to Sydney, you were a headliner.

You'd figured out comedy. That was Sydney to Los Angeles, or it would have been Honolulu in those days, That was Sydney to Los Angeles Or would have been Honolulu in those days And then on to Los Angeles And then I think after that I think I maybe started to ask my dad

A bit more about comedy And he had some old Peter Sellers albums That he would play me And a guy called Alan Sherman Yeah Who did song parodies Hello Mother

Hello Father Here I am And Granada was Alan Sherman So it all kind of Started from that And then you know We'd sit around as a family. We'd watch Dick Emery show, Benny Hill. All we did was watch comedies.

Yeah, right. So for me, just that. So it's just that plain. If you had had the jazz channel on that day, you could have been Dizzy Hill. I like the idea that you're listening to the comedy channel flat out and going, all right, well, I've mastered comedy. Let me cook a channel on. Yeah. Here's a tip for airlines.

Maybe have a mathematics channel. Yes. Yeah. No, I think I would have found comedy anyway. Because someone described, Carl Reiner, actually, I saw give a speech where he said, comedians are just like everybody else, except that our satellite dishes are just angled slightly differently. So we're picking up the same signals as everybody else except that our satellite dishes are just angled slightly differently. So we're picking up the same signals as everybody else

but they just come in on a different angle. Yeah, right. And then I remember Dave Williams, who's I think in Sydney now, Adelaide comic originally, describing it as almost like a Scooby-Doo moment where his head cocked to one side and he went,

when he discovered comedy. Right. And I think the same for me when I heard, you know, that would have happened eventually, but it just took me listening to comedy to go, oh, oh, hello. Yeah. Everything just suddenly made sense. It took Barry Bissell giving you a bit of comedy on Qantas.

And have you done the full circle? Because now they have a comedy channel that's hosted by a comedian every month. Have you given back? I've never. You'd be on there. You'd have one of your tracks on there. I've had my tracks on there. And now when you fly Qantas, when you go through the entertainment channels, they have a comedy channel.

And Inflatable, my DVD, well, the TV special is up there. Yes, for sure. And in fact, here's the weirdest bit. On the flight back, this time from London, because my DVD is about to be released in the UK. Right. And they wanted to release a little 10-minute clip of it online. And I was going to watch it on the plane, and I forgot to bring the DVD with me to know which 10-minute bit was appropriate. So I'm sitting on the plane going, oh, man, I was supposed to do this thing.

Oh, hang on. So I sat on the plane and watched my own show. Awesome. And watched the 10-minute bit and went, oh, yeah, that bit's appropriate. Yeah, that's absolutely fine. Yeah, right. You should do that. You should host the, because they have like a comedian host the channel every month. I'd love to, yeah.

And you could tell that story and tell kids, break down the bits and teach kids even quicker how to become a comedian. Actually, that's a horrible idea. Don't teach anyone else to be a comedian. You know what was a weird one that I did was on a flight, on domestic flights, when they still had the TV in the middle of the aisle, like some of the older planes, they sometimes, I don't think they do it anymore, but they would play Spicks and Specks. Yeah.

And I had this one particular flight, it was my wife and I and my daughter, who was a baby at the time, so we got on together, and while my wife is getting settled, I'm standing in the aisle, watching her, you know, facing the rest of the plane. And everyone starts looking at me and giggling. And I couldn't work out why until one guy just went, look up. And right above my head was a TV with my head on it. Specs and specs. And it was like, I had to look and go, I'm so sorry.

And then behind you, you notice Dave O'Neill standing in the aisle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throw out some gags to the... Have I got a gig? Yeah. Does this count as another appearance? I got one more on Hamish. Yeah.

Yeah, let's get that going. Let's try and get Hilsey hosting the Qantas Comedy Channel. And also, I reckon, what about getting... Let's try and get one of the most famous blokes in the country another job. It's not that big of a campaign. Here's my B-side to that. What about this? What about trying to get a little bit of Little Dum Dum Club piped in through Tiger Airways?

Because let's be honest, that's the only place we're going to have any chance. I think we're more of a chance us just flying on Tiger Airways and people overhearing us talk. Live episode on a Tiger Airways flight. How about that? That is an amazing idea. I'd be up for that. That'd be good.

Why don't you guys? Let's do it. It should be Little Dum Dum Club hosting the Qantas in-flight comedy channel. Yeah, maybe. We could do that. I've got some contacts in there now, actually. Very good of you to give up that job that I just gave to you back onto us. You're a busy man.

That's fine. I'll be your special guest. Great. Awesome. Little Dum Dum Club with me as your special guest. I like the idea of us sitting, like getting us and three guests sitting in the back row of a Tiger flight or with microphones recording an episode on the duration of a flight from Melbourne to Adelaide.

And people will laugh too much, the air marshal just jumping on them. That'd be so good. Oh man, I'm really into that idea. All right. Well, we'll hit up. Good stunts, hey? Yeah, we'll hit up whoever we need to. I'm not sure how well off Tiger Airlines are. You might just have to do it personally seat to seat. No, that's what I mean. We'll just do it ourselves. No, no, we don hit up whoever we need to. I'm not sure how well off Tiger Airlines are.

You might just have to do it personally seat to seat. No, that's what I mean. We'll just do it ourselves. No, no, we don't organise it. We just do it. We just sit up the back of the plane with microphones and just chat for the whole flight. Great. That'd be fun.

Yeah, we just take the mics off the air stewards. Yeah. Actually, we do the air demonstration. We do the security stuff and just wedge a bit of gear in between. And we've had Corinne on this show. We could organise a crossover episode with Airways. Oh, yeah. There we go.

This is all coming together. Good meeting, guys. And then we get some dwarves in as well. Those cabin crew, you know, when Virgin used to make the funny announcements. Yeah. I don't know, someone told their cabin crew, you know, throw a bit of jokes in there. This is how we'll separate ourselves from the pack. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I always felt like just getting up and going, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, let's get things straight, all right? You get us there safely. I from the pack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always felt like just getting up and going, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, let's get things straight, all right? You get us there safely, I tell the jokes. Yeah, yeah. I don't get up at the town hall and start working out how to use a fucking parachute, you know. I don't come into your place of work and tell you, oh, that's kind of what I'm doing right now. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what?

I think there is an interesting thing that's going on with you. Okay, there's been a lot of offensive jokes said in Parliament. I think there is an interesting thing that's going on with – okay. There's been a lot of offensive jokes said in parliament. There's been Alan Jones saying things about Julia Gillard and all that kind of stuff. I think what that boils down to is non-professional people shouldn't tell jokes. Right. That's what happens when politicians and when public figures try to do things that they think are funny, they end up becoming offensive. Yeah. to do things that they think are funny, they end up becoming offensive. And they don't realise that we spend years and years and years and years dying on our arses until we work out what's offensive

and what's gone too far. And sometimes we still go too far. But politicians in particular should stop trying to tell jokes and so should cabin crew. Because in a crisis... So the young stewardess who's listening to this show before she starts her shift on Qantas, what you're saying is you are as bad as Alan Jones.

Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying. You hack. You scum. You're in a metal tube at 30,000 feet that may crash and kill us all. I don't want to know if you've got comedy chops. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Adam, something that fascinates me about you is that on top of having this amazing career where you're very successful

and you've done very well, you sort of have almost this kind of like bucket list kind of career where you did a gig recently with the Muppets, you do shows for the Queen. On top of having this great success, you're always kind of in these situations with like these insane icons and like what, like, you know, what's left? Like, what have you got?

You know what I mean? Like. I, after, there's one more down after today, but anyway, there is nothing left after today. Yeah. Yeah. No, the little Dumb Dumb Club live from Tiger Airways episode. That's the, that's the other side of what I was saying to you before about, you know, the downside of not being able to watch Harry Muff 3.

Yeah. Just to bring it right back. Is that it's because I keep being offered stuff and the more you do this job, I've always thought the more you do this job, the better it gets and the more fun it is because more people know who you are, you get better at what you're doing.

It's not like when you work in an office and the more you do it, the higher up you get, the more stress there is and eventually you go, oh God, this is just great. And the more up you get, the more stress there is, and eventually you go, oh, God, this is just great. And the more opportunities you get. So in the last two years, I've performed for the Queen and met her at Buckingham Palace on a separate occasion. Hang on, that sounds a bit...

You mean a separate occasion. Oh, I wasn't meant to mention it. I did the Royal Variety performance in Blackpool, you know, alongside people like Whoopi Goldberg and Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga and Bette Midler. And that's a natural fit for you. That's an odd mix. Of course.

That's the joy of doing the Royal Variety performances. I've talked about it on stage, but you have to rehearse meeting the Queen. So you all rock up in the middle of the afternoon and you all stand on stage together in your civvies and, you know, shake the hand and they go, some middle-aged stage manager goes, all right, and you go, hello, your majesty,

and you just pretend. But what it means is you're on stage with Whoopi Goldberg, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga. I was, like, next to Lady Gaga and no one spoke to her because they were, like, I think people were just going, oh, it's Lady Gaga. So I just went, I'm going to have a chat.

Oh, good day, I'm Adam. Oh, hi, I'm Gaga. And then we started talking about her latest song and just had a oh, it's Lady Gaga. So I just went, I'm going to have a chat. I went, oh, g'day, I'm Adam. Oh, hi, I'm Gaga. And then we started talking about her latest song and just had a really lovely old chat, actually. When you say everyone's there in their civvies, what's that for Lady Gaga? Oh, she was still, I mean, she still had, you know, weird sunglasses on and full makeup and everything.

There's still some form of meat draped to her body, but a casual. Just like a backstrap. Just a chicken drummy. Just a laid-back chicken drummy. Just a laid back chicken drummy. Yeah, whereas Bette Midler was literally, she was in Ugg boots. Oh, wow.

And she sat in the green room, which was just a big open space backstage. She's just sat there on a chair in her Ugg boots watching the show until it was time for her to go off to make up. That's how I became friends with Whoopi Goldberg. She wandered over and said, is anyone using this chair? And I went, no, no, no, it's all yours. And then she went, oh, I really liked your rehearsal.

I love what you did. And I went, well, thank you very much. And we chat, chat, chat, chat, chat, chat. She went off and did her bit. And there's a thing, you know, there's a thing amongst comedians, I think, because you're only one joke away from dying at any time and one gig away from having the worst gig of your life. Yeah.

Like, it doesn't matter how good you are. There's that humility there because you can't get too cocky because, you know, you look at the next comic and go, either of us could die next. Yeah, yeah, right. So for some reason, Whoopi and I kind of bonded and we really chatted and she did her bit and came back and I went, that was great. Was that all right? And I went, oh, it was great.

Yeah, I really loved it. And then I did mine and she came back. I walked off and went, I'm not sure if that was any good. And she just walked over and she was mid- I walked off and went, I'm not sure if that was any good, and she just walked over. She was mid-conversation with someone else, finished the conversation, came over and went, did anyone tell you you killed? I went, no, no one told me.

You killed. Oh, great. I went, oh, wow. And then at the end of it she went, here's my email address. And I keep in contact with Whoopi Goldberg. For a minute I thought that was going to be a really bad story about Whoopi where you came off and she just hit you and went, whoo! Good lord! I guess I'll continue the search for casting for

Sister Act 3. I had it penciled in but whoo-ee! You know, one of my favourite moments was about three or four months later. We would email each other and she's a fierce emailer on her phone and she emailed me one day. I was in South Melbourne actually, having lunch with my wife and got an email from Whoopi Goldberg saying,

I've just found out I have to fly to my next gig. I'm fearful of flying. I normally take the bus, but it snowed in. Help me, help me, help me. So I was emailing her back going, you're going to be fine. No, no, no, no. And then I emailed her.

Listen to the little Dumbo Club in the back row. I emailed her and said, listen, you've just opened Sister act in the west end i'm pretty sure god owes you one and then i just got one back saying oh man you just made me laugh out loud i'm fine now how cool is this yeah so yeah there's stuff like that that keeps happening you know i was asked to in montreal last year montreal i was a bit sneaky about it because i knew the muppets were hosting a gala and I knew I was doing a gala,

but I didn't know which one. But they wanted me to submit my material. And I thought, well, if I submit my Swedish chef material. Paint myself green. I literally wrote out five minutes of my, I have a routine about the Swedish chef that I hadn't done in years. So I wrote it out, sent that in.

And then I get there and they're, oh, hey, you're on the Muppet Gala. We thought we'd put your arms straight after The Swedish Chef. Oh, wow. Thank you. That's funny. It'd be funny if they were really incompetent and just went, yeah, you're on Drew Carey's Gala because he's got five about Gonzo

that they'd go well with. But I like that idea of, like, you know, it's funny, like a thing with comedians where you worry about, like I know you, Carl, sometimes you get concerned about being on back-to-back with a one-liner comic. It's like, oh, man, I'm going to come out and do my Swedish chef in person right after the Swedish chef. Get fucked.

Who's booking this thing? Well, I'll tell you what, here's the full story. It's very interesting. And I'm trying to work this into my stage show. I did Chelsea Lately, Chelsea Handler hosts a show, when they were in Sydney. And she, you know, it's kind of put down comedy. It's snarky comedy about celebrities, which is not really what I do. Yeah.

You know, and this goes back to what you're saying about being positive. Yeah. I turn up on the day and I'm looking at all these stories going, I don't know any of these people. I don't want to write jokes about Megan Fox. I don't care. I'm not entirely sure who Megan Fox is, really. Yeah, yeah.

But apparently she's having trouble putting on weight. Yeah. She's not on the gala with me. I don't want to know jokes about Megan Fox. I'm not entirely sure who Megan Fox is really, but apparently she's having trouble putting on weight. Yeah, she's not on the gala with me. I don't want to know. Yeah, exactly. So I wrote this whole thing about how if you're a woman, you can't complain about not being able to put on weight. And especially if you're a Hollywood actress who's working out three times a day, you're only drinking diuretic shakes and you've got a personal trainer,

you can't then go, I'm just not putting on weight. And I wrote this and went, it needs to, I'm just not putting on weight. Yeah. And I wrote this and went, it needs to be harsher. It's Chelsea Handler. And so the next line I wrote was, the only people who are allowed to complain about not being able to put on weight are cancer patients. And I thought, okay, that's going to be, and the producer came in and said, have you got jokes? And I went, yeah, but this one about Megan Fox was really harsh.

She didn't look at it. She went, oh, Chelsea hates Megan Fox. Be harsh. All right. And then all the other comics started talking and they all said, I don't have anything on Megan Fox. I hope they don't go to that first because I got nothing. First story is Megan Fox.

And I haven't said a word. No one said a word. And I'm thinking I'm the only one here with a joke. So I'm going to have to say it. Yeah. And it's it ends on cancer patient. And it's the first joke I've said, but I did it. And Chelsea Handler just went,

oh my God, did you just make a cancer joke? Was your punchline cancer patients? What are you going to talk about Holocaust next? And if I'd been thinking, I would have gone, actually, good point, Holocaust survivors are allowed to complain

about not being able to. And everything I did for the rest of the show just completely died because she then thought I was the nasty cop. Yeah, right. And I wasn't asked back. When the show went to air, I went on Twitter just to see what people were saying about it. And five minutes before it went to air, someone tweeted saying,

Dear Chelsea, hope you have a great show tonight. Thinking of you on the second anniversary of your mother's death from cancer. Oh! And for me, it was a little lesson of, do you know what? If you put negative shit out there, negative shit's going to come back. And if you try to be nasty and mean, then nasty and mean things will happen. See, what you should have done, you should have called up little Tommy Dasolo, gotten him to come in and give out that cancer joke for you.

Repass, you bitches. Come on. And in an amazing twist of irony right now, my dad had a bone marrow transplant about three months ago and is now complaining that he can't put on weight. I just want to go back to Chelsea and go, I would say it's natural. Edit that into the episode. The opposite side of that is, so then I was asked to do this Muppet Gala, right?

And I submitted my script. I also submitted a bit in my script about something else that happened on the Chelsea Handler show, which was she talked about how there are no black people in Australia and kind of was a bit disparaging about it. And I was kind of like, I've got to, you know, I wrote the joke, well, that's partly because we didn't import them as slaves. Yeah, yeah.

Don't hold that over us. That's like a German guy in New York saying, hey, what's going on? I haven't seen one concentration camp ever. Now, the Muppets asked me not to do that joke. Hang on. Kermit himself asked you. Hey, ho, Adam. Or the chef.

That would be... Concentration, kid. No, no, no. This is bullshit. I can do that joke. Put Gonzo on. Yeah, yeah. No, the producers of the gala said to me, look, on the day, they said, you know, they've

asked that you not do that joke because it's just not appropriate. Because Fozzie was gonna do it and i went into a bit of self-righteous artistic bullshit of going but this is a really good joke and that's the whole point of the routine and why should i drop this joke from my routine and i and i really threatened i didn't know what to do and i tweeted and i said what should i do should i drop the joke or should I do the show? And Dara O'Briain, who's an Irish comedian, just tweeted back my favourite thing in the world. It said, comedy is truth, but it's also a great way to

meet the fucking frog. And I mentioned it to Brendan Burns. He's an Australian comedian who's known for being quite outspoken on stage and he just went, touch the frog. Touch the frog. Are you kidding? Touch the frog. And I turned up on the night and went, I still wasn't sure whether I was going to do the joke or not.

And all the other comics were complaining because they were going, well, I have to drop my this bit and I have to drop this bit. And I watched them rehearse and they rehearsed the entire cast of the Muppets on stage singing Rainbow Connection. And I went, oh, you idiot. That's, do you know what? I mean, for someone who grew up loving Jim Henson and loving the Muppets and loving the positive energy they put out into the world, somehow I'd forgotten that.

And I was fretting about whether to do a concentration camp joke. And I went, this is just ridiculous. Just go out and do your Swedish chef material. But I did have that thing of going, but if I follow the Swedish chef and then talk about the Swedish chef, is that going to look like I'm trying to, like a low rent version of the Swedish chef? Just before I went on stage, he did his thing, and threw his spoons in the air and blah, blah, blah. One of his wooden spoons landed at my feet.

And I thought, if no one picks that up, I'm going to take it. One of the stage hands went to pick it up and I went, do you mind if I take that? She went, yeah, okay. So I walked out on stage with the spoon in my hand and then just put it into my top pocket and looked at the crowd and went, it's the Swedish chef's spoon.

I'm taking that home, Pete. And then they cheered and then I went, oh, of course, I'm not going to look like a low- I'm celebrating the Muppets. Everybody else had walked out and went, oh my God, the Muppets are here. So are my wife. So are my kids.

Whereas I went, Kermit the Frog just said my name when he introduced me. That's going to be my ringtone in an hour. Yeah, yeah. The Swedish chef just was on, and people were, ah! And then I did all my material about how much I love the Swedish chef. I thought you were just going to do, hey, Rolf the dog, everyone, and just get like continual rounds of applause just for saying who was on. Or the Muppets, aren't they great?

Now imagine all of them in a concentration camp. Wouldn't that be a sight? The one line I wrote for the night, because I had some material about the Kardashians that I wanted to do as well, and I didn't know how to go from the Muppets to the Kardashians. What I did was I found a 14-year-old down the front and went, see, we grew up with the Muppets, you've got the Kardashians.

You know the only difference between the Muppets and the Kardashians? The Muppets are real. Ah, there you go. Yeah, yeah,ians. You know the only difference between the Muppets and the Kardashians? The Muppets are real. Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can get a gig now. You've got the difference between jokes. The difference between the Muppets and the Kardashians, they both suck balls.

So I go to walk off stage. I do all my thing. I finish, finish, finish. Thank you very much. I went to walk off and I saw this guy crouching at my feet. And then I looked up and went, oh, my God, it's the Swedish chef. The Swedish chef came out on stage, reached into my pocket, took the spoon out, smacked me on the chest with it,

and then went, oh, okay, and gave it back to me. Oh, wow. And I went, oh, my God. And then Kermit comes out and goes, ladies and gentlemen, Adam Hills. So I ran over, high-fived him, touched the frog, ran off stage. There's all these guys dressed in black applauding me with beaming smiles. And I went, oh, wow, the tech crew, you know,

the stagehands really liked it. And they went, oh, no, they're the puppeteers. They had all put the Muppets down and stood there applauding me as I walked off. They all hugged me. And Dave, who does Gonzo and has done Gonzo since back in the day, just went, oh, my God, when did you write that? And I went, I've been doing that material for years.

You have material about the Swedish chef? They couldn't believe it. And Bill, who does the Swedish chef, then signed the spoon for me. And then I spent the rest of the night sitting in the bar with them just chatting. That's great. So for me, it was the difference between you put out negative shit. Yeah. You do negative comedy and you put out bad vibes and bad vibes come back at you and nothing else happens.

And then you go into something else with your heart and your soul and you try and do something positive and then people pick up on that. Was there a part of you when you're at the bar with the puppeteers just wanting to go, can you just be the puppet? Yeah. Can you just bring him out here and have him on the stool? Make him drink. No, no. No, it was weird. At no point did that happen.

I like the idea that now that you've met everyone, you've done all these gigs, you've met the Queen, you've met all these people, that the only thing you get starstruck by now is felt. They were just amazing And then at the end of it What was great Was I was You know Talking to

And what was The best thing was I got Kermit To record a video message For my daughter On my phone Oh awesome Saying hi BB

This is Kermit I'm here with your dad And here's a little hug for you Your daughter's like two I don't know if she should Have a phone just yet But anyway Do you know the hilarious thing

Is I showed her And she just kind of went, oh, wow, like she loved it. And then now she thinks that's what you do. She just thinks that I, you know. Daddy hangs out with Kermit. You know, we watch TV with Charlie and Lola. We meet Charlie and Lola?

We have them for dinner? Yeah, of course. So there was this lovely moment where I did all that, went up to my room, saved it on my computer. As I walked out, the guy that does Kermit, turned out he was staying in the room opposite me. And I went, oh, hey, man, oh, hey. And he said, can you do me a favour?

My family are downstairs. I had to come in the back way because I'd get recognised by the weird fans. Can you go downstairs and find my family and tell them I'm up here? I went, absolutely fine, man. I went, wow, now I'm doing stuff for Kermit. Sweet, this is working out. I like the idea that he gets recognised by fans. Like, man, take the bloody frog off your arm. You'll be fine, you idiot.

But it really, you know, it just comes back to what I believe is if you do good things, if you really go into things with the best intention, especially in this industry, you know, you don't need to, we're doing comedy. You don't need to be a diva. You don't need to be a turd. There's no, I can't believe when people, you know, are backstage, I've dealt with managers or, you know, promoters who go, oh, wow, you're so easy to deal with. And you go, who isn't? Like how is someone getting stressed out about turning up

for an hour and telling jokes and doing what they love for a living? So, you know, I think if you just go into everything with the best intentions and you do something that's a little bit positive. It's a great philosophy. Keep it positive. Now let's get back to you do something that's a little bit positive. It's a great philosophy. Keep it positive. Now let's get back to hanging shit on that guy who called up Carl.

We are taking him and we're doing something positive. Yeah, he's going to be a superstar. So we are getting near the end of the program. So what do we reckon? Wobbsy's choice. A word from each of us. Three. Okay.

Yeah. Is that what we should do? Yeah, sure. All right. Well, should we keep it in the vague theme of what he did? It was like a person, an object, and a time? Or do we want to just go? Oh, no, because you just came up with three randoms, didn't you?

Yeah. Just give it reasonably easy. You don't have to go anything too crazy. Okay. All right. Yep. I will kick it off. My first thing will be Barley Belly.

Okay. All right. I will kick it off My first thing will be Barley belly Okay Alright I'll go with Green As a colour Yep Okay And I'll go with

Milkshake Alright Barley belly Green And milkshake There's some You know There's some things in there

There's a little theme His challenge is To make a joke Out of two of those things Two of them Not one Yeah So green milkshake.

A milkshake gave you barley belly. I don't want to do his job for him. No. Yeah. I'll make it too easy. I'm not convinced that this isn't. You know Peter Cook, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore? Yes.

He used to, towards the end of his life, call up a radio station in London as a Finnish guy, but not let on that it was Peter Cook. It was a call-in station, and he would call up and, hello, I'm listening in Finland, and I am wondering. And he was hilarious. But they just thought it was some weird Finnish guy. It was only after Peter Cook died that they realised it was actually Peter Cook that was ringing them every night.

How did they find that out after he died? Was that in his suicide note or something? I think it was like his housekeeper or something. Right. Like, you know, wrote a story about him and said, not many people know this about Pete, but he used to ring up this radio station and they went, oh my God, that was Peter Cook?

I'm wondering if maybe this isn't some comedy thing. Yeah, the housekeeper could just be bullshitting it. This is like Zach Galifianakis. Yeah, he's got to sell more copies of that damn book. Andy Kaufman has just been biding his time for the last 30 years. Working as a housekeeper. So green, milkshake, and barley belly. Yep.

Right. All right. Get on to it, Wobbsy. Well, I think that's just about all the time we have for the Little Dumb Dumb Club today. Adam Hills, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, my pleasure. I look forward to the time we do this as part of the Qantas Info Channel. Yeah.

Yeah. This will be great. This, my pleasure. I look forward to the time we do this as part of the Qantas Info Channel. Yeah, this will be great. This will be great. Guys, we have got our live show in LA coming up November 23rd at Meltdown Comics. If you head to nerdmeltla.com, you can buy tickets from there. We've got our t-shirts and stuff for sale. You can email us littledumbdumbclub at gmail.com. Of course, we're on Facebook and Twitter, and people have been very, very funny in the last couple of weeks.

Yeah, that's good stuff. So jump on that. Yeah, our Twitter is at dumbdumbclub, and people have been very, very funny in the last couple of weeks. Yeah, that's good stuff. So jump on that. Yeah, our Twitter is at DumDumClub, and our Facebook page you can just find pretty easily on there. Guys, thank you very much for listening, and we will see you next time. See you, mates.