The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 112 - Roadtrip Part 1: New York & New Orleans

Episode Date: November 14, 2012

Elevator Updates, Betrayal and Forgotten Bags. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, if you are in the Los Angeles area, we are doing a live Little Dumb Dumb Club at Meltdown Comics, Friday, November the 23rd. Head to nerdmeltla.com for tickets and more information and we'll see you there. See ya mates. Hey mates, welcome once again into the Little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo. Sitting next to me in a New Orleans hotel room, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickhead. This is attempt three at recording this on a little device

that I just bought right before we left home. This is no podcast city. There's none of the professionalism of that. Yeah, this is like a little What do you call it? An H2 Zoom And yeah, we just had some technical difficulties With trying to do it the first couple of times That's what happens when Sean McAuliffe

And Will Anderson don't do service Technical difficulties Slash I forgot to put the SD card in But you know what? I think it's actually pretty big of me to admit that Because you don't know anything about this machine I could have lied to you I could have just said, oh look, it needs a software update

You would have had no bloody idea So it's actually pretty admirable of me to have taken the bullet like this You are a good idiot Yeah, that's all I've ever wanted to hear you say So for the third time Let's address the situation here We are in New Orleans, Louisiana in our hotel room. It's about 6 p.m.

We got in a couple of hours ago. Give us a backstory. We've done absolute bugger all so far since we got into the great city of New Orleans. I walked down the street to buy a video game that came out today. I bought some beers. I watched Ace Ventura too. I thought I'd kick it off by bringing a couple of beers into the room. And there's no bottle opener, so we're just two men sitting here staring at...

It's slowly warming beer. Yeah. What is it? Condensing. There's a lot of condensation going on. What were some other highlights of the last two attempts at recording this? I said, do you want to get going and do a bit of recording and you said yeah okay and then you got up and brushed your teeth which i found to be an interesting and interesting because we're in close quarters here we're actually like a foot it looks like we're almost going to kiss

so i thought i better see again if i hadn't come clean you don't know anything about this little machine i could have just told you mate it must be the bloody Colgate. The minty particles in your breath sort of short-circuited the recording. Yeah. So we've just come from New York. I was there for a week. You had a whirlwind, probably just 48 hours in New York by the time we got out of there. Big question.

Big question what the listeners want to hear, though. Tommy, what was the speed of your elevator like at your hotel? Um, you know, pretty average. I mean, you know, like decent. Like it didn't stick, I'm certainly not, you know what, in my Expedia review,

it's not even going to get a mention. Really? You've got to tell people. No, but like average is in normal, normal speed. You've got to tell them though because, I mean, you know, they can take that over a bad speed lift like you did last time. Yeah, I suppose so. But we've got a weird thing at the hotel we're in at the moment where their key service isn't working, which seems like a bizarre thing to have.

So the place that we're in now, when we come in, we've got to go to the front desk, show ID, and then they must just have some staff member on every floor of the hotel. And it's that awkward thing where in America, everyone gets tipped for everything and whatever, and it's like, so someone is sitting there opening the door

for you, and normally that'd be like a tip thing, but it's like, no, you know what, you've messed this up. I don't need to tip you. This is like, you know what, what are you going to bust the TV now? So then someone has to be in our hotel room and flick it on. And then I'm like, okay, here's a George Washington note for you. Here's what I was thinking while that was going on. Do we push for a discounted rate?

I feel like that's a thing. Because I'm bad at it. I'm never someone that can do that. But I feel like not being able to have a key into your own room. I reckon we'd get freebie stuff out of it, maybe. What can we get? I don't know. Well, I was looking at the chips of Hoy down there.

They look good. That's... I'd be happy with that. The worst negotiator of all time. Mate, I'll let this... She's getting ready to delete $200 off the bill, and you're going, I'll do it for a cookie.

Give me some bickies. What a simp. What an absolute simpleton. We won't have the honeymoon suite, but we will. We will have a little snack. So in New York, you were staying with a friend of yours who I met last time we were here. People may remember him as the guy who, the night that I turned up, he had made a big picture board.

He printed out all my profile pictures from Facebook. He'd gotten one of you. He'd scribbled out the eyes. And this is a bloke who I've just met. Yeah. But there was like, what, 12, 14 pictures of you and then one picture of me and he's just got to borrow and scratch me out viciously, seven style. And this is a bloke who I'd never met before and also has had to go down to a quick copy or whatever

and ask them to print out 14 photos of the one bloke. So you were staying with him again this time and if anything he's gotten weirder. He was trying to convince us that we would have a deeper bond if we showed each other our cocks. He was really rallying hard for that to happen.

That sounds like a joke but this is a serious conversation. And also not done in a like we that to happen. That sounds like a joke, but this is a serious conversation. And also, not done in a... We need to make this very clear. Not done in a way like, yeah, you should bloody show each other your cocks. Like a really earnest... Like a high school debate.

But a real... You know, what you guys should do is just... Because his rationalising was that it's just like skydiving. It's an exhilarating thing that we would go through together. It would be impossible not to have a deeper bond after that. You'd get to the end, you'd both cry, you'd hug. But you know what? New Orleans, it kind of seems like it's a bit of a big party city.

There's a lot of drinking going on tonight. There's a lot of revelry in the air because there's just been a big football victory. So who knows? Maybe this will end up with us tonight. We're sharing a hotel room, just getting our dicks out. Maybe we'll see by the end of this episode. Maybe the listeners will be able to notice kind of a deeper bond by the end of this recording. I think we'll have a bigger chance skydiving tonight, I think, out the window of our fifth floor hotel or wherever we are. we are we've got a great view of the car park

we my friend Andrew Drinnan is his name the guy in New York we did go to a a restaurant first night when I got in

because I only I only went there for two days you were there for like a week or something yeah with a bit of Boston action in between but yes

I had a bit of a delay so I got in there quite late so I had to jam everything I could into two days I got in pretty late just a lot of looking at me in the nude over two days so we went out for dinner on the first night as soon as i got in it was a bit late to go and meet up with you so we went to dinner we and and my friend andrew's very much like let's just see what happens let's see what

happens in every sphere so we just walked down the street and i looked at a restaurant window for like a second too long and he was like it's meant to be that's the place we should go in and I'm like I'm looking at him and I went oh it's Polish

Polish food so you know I've never had that and it's quite attractive to me the idea of you know meat and potatoes and stuff

you know what I don't know if I've said this before I've never met an unattractive Polish person. They're my vote. Like, people say Swedish and whatever. The Polish are the hottest people in the world. I don't know if I've said this before, because I do say it a lot. Yeah, no, I feel like I've heard you say that.

I don't know if necessarily on this show, but I have definitely heard you put that opinion out there. Yeah, I've got a real thing for the Polish. You are well regarded for your opinions of the Polish. Yeah. Yeah, everyone knows it. Yeah. It should be, you should change your Twitter bio to just say. Polish lover.

Yeah. P-O-L-O. Yeah, yeah. L-U-V-A. At Pola. Yeah. Well, that's the thing. So I went, okay, let's go in here.

So hang on. Because you find them to be the most attractive people, therefore, this is where we should go for dinner. Not only that, but it looked interesting because it said Polish Indian. Okay. And I was like, oh, this will be an interesting mashup of cuisine. So let's go in here. And it was like midnight or something.

They were still open, which was another good reason to do it. So we went in there and then got the menu, and it was just Indian. And I just said to the waiter, what makes this Polish? And he goes, oh, that's my name. His surname was Polish. Yes. And then I noticed it was like, it wasn't, it wasn't really Polish. It was Polash. P-O-L-A-C-H. Polash Indian. And what, like how attractive was Polash. P-O-L-A-C. Hey, Polash Indian. And how attractive was Polash? The Polash family, where do they rate in your rankings of attractiveness? The ish are a lot hotter than the ash. The ish makes it.

It's the eye that really turns it around. It's the difference in vowels that makes you hot. What else did we do in New York? We just went shopping. We actually didn't spend... Oh, we saw a couple of shows, you and I, but we didn't spend that much time together during the day. Yeah, yeah.

We went and saw... We did another great use of time. We went and saw Nick Cody, because you can't just do that anywhere. Do stand-up. Yeah, do stand-up. We didn't just go and watch him in the park. He was doing a show.

No. I mean, it's great to get to New York, because I mean, I've seen... Well, I saw the Statue of Liberty once, but you know, it's worth going to see again. It's like Nick Cody, you know, I've seen him do stand-up probably 600 times, so it was good to use probably three of my 48 hours in New York watching him.

But it was good because he threw in some local references, so it was different to what it would have been like at home. Well, how's this for a use of time? You're vaguely familiar with this story, but I haven't really given you all the details yet. Thursday night, me and Nick Cody and Luke Heggie, who's an Australian comedian who's doing his show with Cody in New York. We went out. We had a pretty late night.

We were all sharing an apartment together, and we only had the one set of keys between the group of us that were there. So we go out. We get a bit pissed. we walk home, it's about 4 o'clock, and we've lost the keys. Somewhere along the line, they've fallen out of a jacket at the bar that we were at. The bar would have been closed by now. So we're just going, what the Christ do we do? So we walk to a coffee shop because we think we'll just try and find somewhere to just kill time and just sit until we can think of a solution.

Now, Heggie is good friends with Andrew G, Andrew Ginsberg, as he's now known. Now, I just want to say this, because we've got a lot of reports here through Twitter and Facebook, when people have been dropping legitimate names, and they say, well, I should have been saying Clang. Well, that's not, if you've listened to the show before I don't clang well known names If you said We were hanging out with Andrew G In the car park I would have said clang after car park

Not after Andrew G What's this because This show has just become a little bloody comedy masterclass How to make little jokes with your mates This is Carl's rules So anyway He was also sharing the apartment with us Masterclass. How to make little jokes with your mates. Yeah, this is Carl's rules. So anyway, he was also sharing the apartment with us, but because that morning he had to go and do a film interview, the film company put him up in a nice hotel

that was like over the other side of town. So he'd stayed there that night. He wasn't with us to go back to the apartment. So we think, look, let's call him up. Let's see what time he has to be out of his hotel. Maybe we can go there and we can just get some sleep until we can get onto the landlord

to get a spare set of keys. And when you rang him, he said, you're going to Sydney. What's that? That's an Australian Idol reference. Oh my god. He was in that so long ago. But what else has he done? Okay. Fair enough.

So, um, so we text him at about 5am and go, Matt, this is what's happened. Can you let us know when you get up? We just, we sit in a,

in a, in a coffee shop. That's like right down, you know, for those that don't know New York, the streets are numbered. So, you know,

one is right down the bottom and then, you know, 150 is like, you know, 150 blocks away, right down the bottom and then you know 150 is like you know 150 blocks away right at the top you've you've made an effort to to attempt to crack and let's remember that it's my credit card they've got on file for anything that happens downstairs um i've made it you're about to say i've made an attempt to open a bottle of beer on a desk yeah and that hasn't worked. Yeah, people would have heard that shattering through their brains as it shook the recorder a little bit.

So yeah, we sit in this coffee shop for about three hours. Finally, Andrew texts us back and goes, hey, I'm about to go for a run. I don't have to be out until midday. More than welcome to come up. So we go from like 6th Street all the way up to like 60th Street. So we get a cab. We go all the way up. We're fucked because we haven't slept.

It's about 9 a.m. by this point. We go into Andrew's hotel room. They put him up in a really, really ritzy hotel, really nice place, and we're all just going, thank Christ. We can lie down. We can have a sleep. There's two beds in there. There's a couch.

He's about to go for a run. so we've got the place to ourselves. As we sit down, Luke gets a text from the landlord going, yep, I've got the key, come and get them right now. So we've had to leave the hotel straight away and get a cab straight back down to the landlord to get the keys and then let ourselves in. So basically it was my second last day in New York and I've just spent the day asleep. Like I've just absolutely fucked it.

But there's a video that we'll put up on the Facebook of while we were in the coffee shop killing time, I've fallen asleep and Cody and Heggie have gone around to the window that I'm leaning against and knocked on it very loudly and very violently and woken me up. And the look on my face is something that even now I can't describe. I can't describe what the look on my face is. It's like watching a video of not me. It's like a newborn child discovering the world for the first time. That's what it looks like.

Your eyes go big and it's like, oh, there's so many colours and life and flavours and smells. But it's become, because, you know, so It's so worth watching, guys. You've got to, we will make sure it goes up on the Facebook page. It's so good. This is the funny thing, because I'd met Andrew very briefly

before this had all happened, and I kind of couldn't gauge his take on me. Like, I kind of couldn't gauge his take on me. Like, I kind of couldn't gauge whether he liked me or not. I felt a bit uncomfortable around him. But then the videos happened. Heggie's shown it to him. And since then, he's just kind of taken me under his wing.

We've gone out for tea the other day. He's, like, saying he's going to come hang out and see some shows in L.A. when we're there because he lives there. So it's kind of... And also, here was the other big litmus test because people are laughing at it going, this is funny. Cody's played it about 100 times now in my company. And we were sort of wondering, is this going to be funny?

Because I'm thinking I could be on the cusp of a viral hit here. But we're wondering, is it just, you know, like if you know me, it's funny. And then the other, like last night, two friends of Heggie's came around to the apartment who've never met me before. So I very quickly disappeared so they could watch it having a completely unpolluted view of me. And they've lost it. So that was the litmus test. So I'm thinking, what if it goes up and it becomes huge? And then it's like this viral hit. And what if I become like, you know, Bart Simpson when he's like the I didn't do it boy what if what if i have to start every stand-up gig

back to the audience and then turning around and doing the look because if i don't do it there's just there's just bedlam there's just rioting but then you can be like one of those one-hit wonders where you don't open with that because then everyone leaves after they say you do that so you've actually got a yeah you've actually got to close with it. So the whole show, you're sort of halfway turning around, just teasing them. And I've worked it out really scientifically, like the exact way to rotate my body gradually. You're like, guys, I might just turn around for a sec. And they're like, I'm just going to do it. And then you just go, I might just turn around for a sec, and they're like I'm just going to do it!

Yeah! And then you just go, no, just a bit itchy. Anyway, what else is going on? And then the name of my show is Tommy Dazzolo in The Gradual 180. Yeah. Yeah, that would be a hell of a thing. So yeah, we've got to get Cody to give it to us, because it's something else. It's not

even me, I don't even feel arrogant saying that, because it's not like something I've done intentionally and I'm pumping up my own tires going, how great am I? It's come from another part of it. It's like it wasn't me. I think for whatever reason, we've attracted a breed of listeners

that really enjoys when one of us fucks up. Yeah, for sure. I think it's going to be really up the alley of all you people out there listening to this. Yeah. So I guess, you know, it's getting, we're hungry. We've barely eaten all day. It's us.

It's eight past six. We're going to go out. We're going to explore. And I've been here when I was 12 years old, so I don't remember any of it. So this is going to be very new to us. We're going to be experiencing a place pretty much for the first time. You haven't been here since you're 12 years old. Oh, it was a year ago.

It was a year ago. I've grown beyond that. But you've done the same thing you've done when you were 12 years old. You've gone on board a Super Mario Brothers game. Yep, yep. Okay, good. Evolution. Good.

So, guys, we're going to call this off here, and we'll check in with you in a little bit. See you, mates. All right. Welcome back, everyone. It is the next day after our little first night out in New Orleans. This is basically, I've just realized what this is. It's just a really poor man's version of Hamish and Andy's Caravan of Courage It's like we're travelling around

But we're basically doing fuck all Like I think we've really got to step it up For this to be interesting to anyone Yeah This is our regular spot now as well Which is tucked in really tightly Between our two beds I think we're more like the Flintstones

Hang on, everyone. Fucking special guest, the air conditioner's just kicked on. Yeah. Well, you might be able to hear the internet as well. Oh, no, hang on. That got cut off about a couple of hours ago, so you won't be able to hear that at all.

Oh, God. Just being that guy that is travelling, is overseas in America, and complaining about the service of the internet in his hotel room. What an appalling specimen. No, I think it's fair. I've got stuff to do. So last night after we checked in with dinner, we went out and what did we do?

We had a few beers at kind of various places. I said this to you today, but New Orleans, for a place that people go, you know, it's so thriving and creative and it's such an amazing community. You walk down the main street and it's basically just like Surfers Paradise on schoolies week. Yeah, but I mean, it was after a football game last night. So people were going crazy and there's a main street where there's strip clubs and stuff like that. So once you get off the beaten track, we got we we had a bit better of a time being harassed by dudes that met hunter s thompson or something some crazy dude yeah we were about to actually bring out the recorder to

have a chat with him because he started up a story about how he knows and he's done this great one he goes hunter s thompson you know the writer like we we're just two simps. I liked him because he's like Hunter Thompson because he was so close to him that Hunter S. Thompson was like, mate, forget the S. We're mates now. Don't be so formal. Hunter S. Thompson was my dad's name. Just call me Hunter Thompson. Speaking of great name drops, this has reminded me of a couple of years ago

I was in a comic book shop with a friend of mine. And the guy behind the counter... Oh, a clown. See, there you go. This is before the Walking Dead TV series had started. And of course it's based on a series of comics. And the guy behind the counter goes, yeah, you know that Walking Dead TV series, it's about to start up. And all reports are that it's very good.

And I mean, I'm only basing that off the word of a close personal friend of mine Frank Darabont. We're just going wowee. So that's your good review. The guy that made it told you that it's good. Oh really? Yeah. He's involved with it.

Yeah. But just he said it exactly like that. The pause into close personal friend of mine, Frank Darabont. Well, to be fair, I would take his word because, I mean, when I was talking to him about the Shawshank Redemption, he said it was going to be good and that turned out pretty swell. But is he a close personal friend of yours or just a personal friend or just a close friend? Like, how deep in are you?

Well, he did ask me to call him Frank S. Darabont, so maybe we weren't so close. You're one step removed, yeah. So we did have a good chat with those two guys. They were fun. One of them sounded exactly like Wayne from Wayne's World, which I pointed out to him. And he didn't love it, but he didn't hate it. Yeah, because he was like a hippie.

I don't think he enjoyed being compared to a guy that was like, yeah, boo! I think he was the exact opposite of that. I don't know why it didn't go better. Everyone loves being told, you know what you remind me of? A silly comedy character. A person who's designed to be an idiot.

Someone putting on a voice to make themselves sound stupid. You're just like him, buddy. And he's given us directions for somewhere to eat at tomorrow when we head off on our drive to Austin. So I've taken the directions down. Who knows if we'll end up going? Who knows if it'll be any good? But, you know, it's there.

And it's the kindness of strangers. So those guys are nice. He probably got the recommendation from Alan Guinnessberg. Ginsberg. What? Hey. Who's that? Alan Ginsberg, the beat writer.

Oh, I thought you were trying to say Andrew Ginsberg. No. And you've messed it up. Very similar. Very similar people. The host of Australian Idol versus one of the beat poets. Well, I'm sitting next to someone who's frequently getting people's names wrong, so it's kind of like I'm having to sort of, you know,

do an equation in my head to try and work out, does he actually mean someone else? Yeah, put the Babel fish in your ear and figure it out. So we chatted to them for a little while. They were good fun. They were nice guys. And then I had my camera out. We were walking down the street taking photos.

And there was this girl with a shaved head covered in tattoos just kind of lining up novels on the side of the street. No, no, no. They were already lined up. And she was packing them up for the night. Because it was like 1, 2 in the morning or whatever it was. So stop trying to make us sound cool. It was about 11pm.

Oh, was it? Right. So she's packing them up, and that's, you know, that's when you've got your camera out. Those are the little moments that you look for, something like that. We're in a touristy street. I want that to go on my blog. I want my Flickr account to take off. Put a few bloody sepia tones on that.

That'll go off. Once you whack up a picture of a girl picking up books, bang. sure it's uh shit my dad says all over again so i've gotten the dlr out i've snapped a photo and she's just gone off she's turned around and gone can you delete that and i've gone yeah okay in my head going of course i'm not gonna delete that yeah and then she's that she's like stood over my shoulder and like made me do it, like one step away from actually taking the camera out of my hands and pushing the delete button herself. And then got into this whole thing with us about why taking a photo is bad. Yeah, well, I was sort of having a crack at her.

And then she was like, you know, well, it's not because – because I was saying, are you an Aboriginal? Is this capturing your soul? Is this what your culture believes? And she ignored every stupid thing I said. It was amazing. It was like a thing in a sitcom or something where you wish that you'd never been born,

and then you're a ghost, but you don't realise it, so you're talking to people and they're ignoring you. Her commitment was absolutely 100%. It was great. I was waiting for a bell to ring and an angel to get its wings again so I could come back into the real world. And start insulting people. It was horrible.

I was insulting people and they couldn't hear it. It was a nightmare. So then she was like, I was sort of having a crack. She was ignoring me. And then all of a sudden she sort of arced up back at me, but then said, you know, it's not because I think it's going to capture my soul or anything, because nothing could capture my soul. I'm like, alright, okay, well, I know that to be true anyway.

But she was, what was her big thing was like, by you doing that, it's robbed us of a moment. Yeah, you're looking through the camera, and it's robbed us of a real life moment, and it's like, well, you know, all it's done is rob you of someone that's walking behind your back as you're picking up your copy of On The Road on sale for $3.50. All it's done is we were walking by, you would never have said anything to us. Maybe it's like a test,

like she does something that's really visually interesting in a real touristy area, and the first person to walk past and not even attempt a photo gets all the books. Yeah. Maybe she was packing up because she was like, another night where no one has won all the free books. Yeah. But yeah, so the next person to walk past has probably got the mother load.

Either that or she probably dropped them off at the Salvos like two minutes later. That's Salvos in New Orleans that we all know about. Yeah, Salvos. Salvos. New Orleans that we all know about. Yeah, Salvos. Salvos. What else? You know what I've enjoyed as well is coming to hotel rooms with you, booking into hotels, and you having to use your real name. Yes.

Just going, what's the name? And then you sort of unsurely saying Thomas Allsop? No. How am I unsure about it? Well, it just sounds... I'm very confident in it because it's my legal given name. It sounds like you're putting it on. It sounds like you're giving a fake name. No, I'm saying

it in that way because there's a part of me knowing that you're standing behind me as I'm saying, going, here we go. What's he going to bloody chime in with? Yeah, I'm about to go, no, it's not just so we don't get a hotel room and we have to sleep on the street. We have to sleep on people's books.

That's what we have to do. You know what I'm enjoying? For some reason in this country, people can pronounce it properly. Like at home when I spell it out to people, they'll go, oh, Alsop. Whereas for some reason, everyone here has gotten it right first time. Have they really?

I've heard them say Alsop. No, not this trip, this time. I've never had it so far. Well, I've only copped, I got one person today that called me Carl, that was my first one, but I've copped a bunch of Carls already. What's your name, Carl? Kyle! Yeah. Okay, yeah, so it's happening again, I'm copping it flat out. Oh God, it's happening again. No internet, people call me Kyle, this is the worst trip I've ever been on. Hey, I just wanted to bring this up. We brought up, when we were recording last night,

we brought up the elevator thing from last week's episode. This is an elevator-related story that I've had in the tank for a little while. Oh, this will be good. This was back home in Melbourne before I left. I went to the rooftop bar, which has an elevator on the bottom floor that takes you up about six stories. And it's a really, really, really slow elevator. I've gotten in.

There was another guy there by himself. And then these two very good-looking girls, not wearing much, have gotten in because it was a very sunny day. So we get in, and this guy next to me has kind of panicked about being surrounded by these good-looking girls and spent the entire elevator trip reeling off facts about elevators that was his game he's just going you know apparently when you push that button to make the doors close does nothing it's just there for show that doesn't do anything. And they're going, okay. And he goes, and here's another thing.

Every elevator has a built-in code where if you type it in with the floor numbers, it just bypasses all the floors and goes to the floor that you want. Just all this bullshit. Wow. That's awesome. But that's not true. There's no way that's true.

That's like McDonald's when you go in there and go, I'll have the triple cheeseburger. And they've got a button there that they never tell you about it's a triple cheeseburger button it's exactly like that but it was just bizarre because it takes the elevator takes age, someone should review

it on this website, it takes forever and he just had so many up his sleeves and it was like a deliberate attempt to try and impress these girls and they were just not having a bar of it at all and it was like i almost kind of hope that the lift broke down to see how how many more yeah is this just a bottomless give him another fact of shit here's a fun fact for you we're probably gonna die yeah he's a fun fact for letting in the track i once told a bunch of boring elevator stories until it broke down and then girls beat me.

Have you ever been to, like, the... If someone likes a slow elevator, and a lot of people have, you know, fallen in love with the tales of the slow elevator from the internet last episode. Charlton's. Have you been to Charlton's in Melbourne? Charlton's, the slowest elevator in Melbourne. The karaoke bar? Yeah, if not the worldton's, the slowest elevator in Melbourne. The karaoke bar? Yeah, if not the world.

Oh, the air conditioner's back again. What's he got to say about Charlton's? The slowest... Have you ever been to that slowest elevator? I have, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually worth the trip. It is so incredibly slow. Yes.

I don't understand how it still exists. Yeah. Now, what we did today was we... What happened? We got up a little bit late. We had a good little sleep in. Yep. And what you found out about a really good restaurant, a really good cafe.

Yeah. And you took off a bit early. Well, let me say this. This was based on meeting a guy in a shop the other day. And, you know, you just get chatting and me saying, I'm going to New Orleans next week. And him going, oh, you've got to go to this place. It's so good.

They do the best brunch. It's in this area. Look, I can't remember the name of it. It's a girl's name. It's a girl's name. And it's vague. It's in one of these three areas. So I've just had to get up and just look through in these vague areas.

Put brunch, Garden District, New Orleans, and then just scan, and then finding names that are vaguely female names and going, is that what he means? And then finally found this place called Elizabeth's, looked up all the reviews, had great reviews, and I thought, right, that's the one. So this is a lot of work to even find this place to begin with. Yeah. And, well, you went ahead.

And, look, for some reason our phones aren't talking to each other i can't connect you can't text me i can't text you you wait can you not can you actually not text me because you said you tried to text me the other day and then you said i said i didn't get it and you said well that could be because i texted your australian number which i'm not using well we can't text well you can't text back so there's no use me texting you anyway. So I don't have an American account. I don't have the internet on my phone. So once we split up, when we go out, we can't sort of talk to each other.

So you took off early and... And it's great, by the way. Yeah. It's a good way of working. And... So I took off after you and I was just like walking and i talked i talked to someone and it wasn't the name of the street's not even on the map so i got this one map it's not on there i just keep asking someone every five minutes do you know where this street is

do you know where it is and they go yeah yeah just keep walking that way oh are you really going to walk there because that's a long way to walk and i'm like no i can walk long distances you it's probably like five blocks and they're not used to walking so far, but you know, I'm a seasoned walker. You know, I can do that sort of thing. But it was so long and every time I would stop and ask someone, they would say the same thing again. Are you really going to walk there?

And it took, did it take an hour? No, not quite an hour, but according to Google Maps, it was 40 minutes, which I went, that's all right. Like I, I like doing a long walk when you're visiting somewhere. And this city doesn't really have, like, there's no, like, trains or anything around, so it's walk or it's eat in the block around the hotel. Yeah, well, put it this way, about 20 minutes into the walk, I started desperately, desperately needing the bathroom.

And so I was just dreaming of this oasis called Elizabeth, the restaurant was going to have a bathroom in it. And it was horrible. And, you know, we walked way out of town. It's like down by the dockyards or something. It's like you just kept getting further and further out of town. And it looks like you're walking into more and more of a trap. Because, exactly, you do leave.

You go straight through a bustling metropolis of food. And then all of a sudden sudden it literally is just abandoned houses it's buildings with no one in it, it's train tracks, it's graffiti buildings for this great place, it's like who's going to this place anyway, I finally found it

been walking, it must have been for more than 40 minutes, it felt like forever and I got there and opened the door no I didn't, I didn't open the door at all it was locked, then you look got there and opened the door no i didn't i didn't open the door at all no it was locked then you look at the sign on the door not open mondays and i it was like a cartoon i actually tilted my head back and went no and then an attractive woman walked down the street your eyes popped out your tongue raveled around the concrete yeah man. Man, and it was because I was so desperate to go,

and then I turned around and went back, and it's that thing of, you know what? If this had been Melbourne, I would have found somewhere to squat and go to the toilet. I was so desperate to go. That's what I was going to say. It's like, okay, let's address this. That's very interesting logic there,

because first of all, it's such an abandoned area. You could have just done that anyway. Second of all, you're saying if you were in Melbourne, the place where you live, where you are very likely that you're going to bump into someone you know, that's where you would take a shit in the street. On the other side of the world, in a city where no one knows you, where there's basically no consequences to your action, in an abandoned area, you're not going to do it there. I didn't want to cause an international incident.

So, you know what the rules are in this town. If like, you know, they can look at tourists and go, oh, we've had enough. We've had enough of people, of tourists literally shitting in our town. I'm pretty sure the rules re-shitting in the street are the same everywhere you go. I don't think that's a different form of etiquette in a different place. Well, I didn't do it, so that's cool. It's all, you know, whatever. But, hey, here's something that we found out today as well, which is, you know,

this road trip was all about, you know, the two of us and our friend, you know, friend of the show, Nick Cody. I've tried to get, yeah, yeah. The three of us driving across the country. I've tried to get the hashtag friendships across America going on to describe the trip. Yeah. And what's happened today? Today we get the message from Nick Cody, friend of the show, let's say, friend of the show.

Well, get to the end of the story, and then I've got issue with that. Okay, all right. Well, we were all together in New York, and we got the message today, oh, no, I've got three minutes at some shitty open mic, I plan for Wednesday, and I'm on some little podcast. Oh, I don't think I'm going to meet up with you guys after all. I'll see you in a week or so. Yeah, he was meant to be meeting up with us tomorrow.

We were going to drive across. It's a long drive. There's a lot of hours in between. A lot of time to fill. Well, you know, it's fair enough. I mean, you know, he spent his money on his trip. He can do what he wants. Oh, hang on a minute.

I bought his airfare. I paid for his airfare to get over here. This is my trip. You can't do what you want with it, Cody. I own your trip. This is my trip. You can't do what you want with it, Cody. I own your trip.

I, yeah, I mean, that was kind of the attractive prospect of coming over was that it was going to be the three of us because you and I can just fucking sit in a car for eight hours together any time we want in Melbourne. Yeah, we've done it. We've done this since going to Canberra. We're in each other's pockets enough as it is. We needed the buffer between us. I'm terrified about what's going to happen now.

So here's what I wanted to put out there. And this is, we've never, I don't, have we done this on the show before? It doesn't feel like something we've done on the show before, but ex-friend of the show. Wow, is it? Is it that far? I feel like it. At the very least, I don't care how many days until his birthday. I'm not going to go that far.

I don't think I'm going to answer his mum's messages anymore. You know what I'm going to do? We've got a long drive tomorrow. You know what I'm going to spend my time doing? I'm going to go back through the last few episodes, and I'm going to edit out all the references to his little birthday countdown. What it should have been, how many days until Nick Cody royally fucks us both over.

That's what the countdown should have been. We've got eight hours tomorrow in the car. I think the next episode is going to be the roast of Nick Cody, but without Nick Cody being around. Well, the plan is, his plan is he's saying he's going to meet us in Vegas on Saturday. We've heard it all before, Cody. So, what about this? Can the listeners maybe send him some Facebook and Twitter messages and just let him know what a royal bad bloke he's been?

A national traitor. Someone letting Australia down on the other side of the world. The absolute perfect ugly Aussie. Someone betraying the Anzac spirit And to think that You know Luke McGregor was so close To coming over here with us

What a joy It would have been You know It wouldn't have mattered so much We would have had McGregor with us Yeah Internet Internet going down

Nick Cody betraying us This is What a disaster I'm not having the best time I think Well look This is our last night in New Orleans We've got I've got a recommendation Of a restaurant that's meant to be good.

Let's go out. The food last night we had was amazing. Breakfast today, equally stunning. This is a town for good food. We like our food. Let's chin up. Let's just go out. Let's soak up some jazz music.

Let's see what the Big Macs are like in this town. Let's fight. jazz music. Let's see what the big Macs are like in this town. I want to find a nutcase in the street and interview them on this little thing. Let's have a bit of a chat with idiots. Let's go have a drink. Let's find some idiot. Let's get some... You know what?

Let's find a New Orleans local. Let's explain the situation and re-nick Cody to them. And see what the New Orleans find. Maybe that's fine here. Maybe they don't value friendship as highly. Maybe we're overreacting. Maybe there's no good blokes in New Orleans.

Yeah, okay. So let's head out, let's have some food, let's find a local, let's chat to them about the situation, and we'll check in with you soon on the caravan of dickheadery. Louisiana, come go away with me. So we've ended up at a place called La Fitts Blacksmith Shop Bar. Rolls off the tongue. Great title. Very easy to remember.

I think it's French for Fitts Blacksmith Shop Bar. Anyway, we found a guy in there. We think he's going to be the perfect person to have a chat about Nick Cody's behaviour. It's a good place. We've already talked about friendship throughout the night in this bar. We've got the American take on friendship. We think we've got a good person to reply to sum up our feelings and maybe the international feelings on what Nick Cody's done to us.

Okay, so we're going to go in. We're going to get him on mic. We're going to have a chat, and we're going to see what he thinks about it, see what he has to say. See the American opinion on mateship. Because it might be different over here. We don't know. Yeah, yeah.

There might be shitter blokes in America than in Australia. We'll see. We'll see if they side with Nick Cody. Let's go find out. The grand plans that were made. Yeah, you broke when we went away You had a couple worthless gigs to play Yes, you did

Yes, and you sent us all on our way By ourselves, just the two of us sent us all on our way by ourselves just the two of us we were supposed to be three amigos yes we be but now it's just a couple of worthless brothers you see yes and we're so pissed off at you

that you don't even know it's true got a piano playing down in New Orleans Listen, we're so pissed off at you that you don't even know it's true. Got a piano player down in New Orleans talking all kind of shit about you. Yeah, I don't mean to hurt you, brother, but you just a little motherfucker. And let me tell you something else. You done did us wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Yeah, so guess what? When we come back around, it ain't going to be able to climb it like it used to be.

No, sirree. With this and you, we're going to put you out. Yeah, you're going gonna feel so alone. Mr. Nick Cody. Why you have to do us bad? You used to be our best friend. And now, you're low on the list again. And guess what, at that gig that you have up there in New York City,

ain't nobody gonna come and see you. Oh, you did bad. Okay, mates, welcome back. We are now coming to you from inside a rental car on West I-10. It's a freeway. We are heading from New Orleans to Austin, Texas. Last night, how did last night end up? Last night, well, what did we leave you on? That great song that we got from a piano player.

Libby, I've got his name. Oh, really? I've got his name somewhere. Yeah, let me just... Guys, get ready to hit that friend button on Facebook. What's his name? The great... The great...

Oh, God. The great Mike Hood. Mike Hood. Mike Hood, everyone. We really put him on the spot and he really delivered. Yeah, he was good. He got out all the venom that we wanted to get out in musical form. Yeah, and you correctly spotted that he'd forgotten the name that we'd given him, so you've had to scribble it down on a napkin and slide it over to him. He just took the bit that we were pissed off, but then just didn't take any of the specific details. So yeah, I slid over

a napkin with the words Nick and Cody on it. And while we were there, while we were waiting to ask him to do that song, we got accosted by a very bizarre couple who were both pissed. The guy was very touchy-feely with us. He had his arms around our shoulders for a very extended period of time. She, the woman in the, I guess, couple, was getting very touchy with me.

Made repeated reference to the fact that she's not married, she's not involved, she doesn't have kids. Yeah, she kept saying that. Were they not together, those two? I think they were together hooking up, but I don't think they were. She certainly told me enough times that they're not married. Right. She shook your hand and then called you baby fingers

on account of your soft little hands. Yeah, I have soft hands. Which is a nickname that I think should really stick for you, Little Baby Fingers Chandler. Yeah, sure. That makes me sound like a not very respected gangster. Yeah, Little Baby Fingers. You should change your Facebook name, you know when people do that?

Cal Baby Fingers Chandler. People put their silly little nickname into their Facebook name. So many fans can't find me on Facebook. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what else? So this morning we got up. We checked out of our hotel. We've left New Orleans.

We've left New Orleans. Yeah, we went to the airport to pick up our rental car. And that trip passed without incident, didn't it? Nothing really happened at the airport. That was about... Worth talking about. It was about usual for me if that means anything it's about well i i did leave my laptop bag on the on the bus yeah yeah on the transit bus uh going to the airport so we went to get our rental car and i

was saying his laptop a laptop bag. And what happened next was, that I haven't told you about yet, is then I rang the place, and they said, oh, just walk back over to the airport and get it. And I was like, okay. And I hadn't watched, I hadn't looked out the window of that bus that went from the airport to the Avis rental carA-Car, I hadn't looked out of the window, so I didn't know really where it was. Yeah. So I walked out of the Rent-A-Car bit, and it's like a couple of kilometres away.

You didn't look out the window because you were probably too busy keeping an eye on your bags in case they got wrecked. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, it was a long way away, and not only that, it wasn't clearly marked where I should go. So I'm just walking along like a bum on these roads throughout the airport, and I went completely the wrong way, and I ended up in the employee car park.

I was in the employee car park, and it was all, like, fenced off and everything, and it was quite a long walk in there. And I got in there, and I saw all the fences, and they go, and I went, oh, and a i went and a bus turned up and i went oh can i how do i get to the airport and he's like oh man you gotta get back onto the main road that's a long way away and i went okay can i just get a ride with you and he's like no close the door meanwhile i mean this is a trip that's already going to take us it's a estimated about an eight hour drive and we've already made a pretty late start to the day. So I'm sitting in the rented car place waiting for you, and the clock is just ticking.

Yeah. And I'm thinking we're going to be rocking up into Austin at midnight or beyond. So I ring the place, they said, walk on over, we'll alert all the cars, we'll alert all the buses, we'll look around, we'll do all this stuff. Alert all the cars. Yeah. Chandler's coming, everyone. Yeah.

So I get over there, and I walk into the main airport, and I walk up to the only thing that says anything to do with the transit buses between the hotel and the airport. And it's this old lady, and I'm like, look, this is what's just happened. I left my bag on one of your buses, and I've just come back over from Avis to get it. I rang someone over here, and they're aware of what's going on, so I've just come over. They said, come over and talk to us.

And she goes, okay, Avis is over there. No, no, no, no. I know where Avis is. I want to talk to you guys because you guys have got my bag because I came from Avis over there. Okay, if you want the bus to Avis, you've got to go out. No, no, no. I don't want the bus to Avis. I've talked to you guys on the phone.

I've left my bag on your bus. Okay, if you want a bus from Avis, you've got to go. No, listen. Listen. My laptop is lost. You have it on your bus. I just want to get it back. You told me, your people, I rang your people.

Oh, if you want to ring, look, there's the number over there. No, I know, look. And I went, oh, fuck this. And I walked out. And I walked out onto the street. And this is an insane piece of luck. But I walked out onto the street just and this is an insane piece of luck, but I walked out onto the street just as the same bus that we took had pulled in again. And it got back to the hotel, come back again, dropped everyone off.

The driver looked out of his window as I walked out the door, recognized me, stopped, and went, what are you doing? Did you leave something on the bus? And I went, what are you doing? Did you leave something on the bus? And I went, yeah. And I got on the bus, found my laptop bag, which was wedged underneath my seat. And then walked out and went, oh, thanks, man. Did you get the call from the people? And he's like, no.

He goes, I'm just about to go home. I didn't get no call. All right. So if I hadn't just lucked upon that that would have been it that would have been gone wow you are the luckiest idiot of all time that is

and let's this is a company this bus company this shuttle bus company from hotel to airport this is a company who last night I've called up to make a slight change in our reservation

and I'm having a chat to the woman on the phone and then she goes, all right, I'm just going to have to put you on hold quickly, sir or madam. And then I get left on hold for like a minute, and then she comes back and she goes, okay, ma'am, I'm just going to put that through. So somehow through just being on hold, she's gone in 50-50 to start with.

And then she's had a bit of time to think, and she's thought, no, no, no, you know what? I'm pretty confident now. I'm going to call this. She just put you she's had a bit of time to think, and she's thought, no, no, no, you know what? I'm pretty confident now. I'm going to call this. She just put you on hold just to think about sex. Yeah. And then I've gone, hey, I'm, by the way, I'm, thanks for that, but by the way, I'm a man.

And she goes, yeah, that's what I said, ma'am. I'm like, okay, good one. So now we are on the road. We've got a long drive ahead of us. We got about 30 minutes into the trip, and we've stopped off at Wendy's for a hamburger to get some fuel for the journey. My favourite part of the trip so far.

Yeah, yeah. So you're driving. You started off driving. Of course, you're on the other side of the road. You're sitting on the other side of the car. How's it all feeling? I believe we're just passing right now the um adam sandler's the water boy theme park that look at that that is an amazing look at how good that looks we're just driving past an insane uh water park that's got some of the best looking water slides i've ever seen holy and a roller

coaster and this is for us this is also a good drive because we got out of New Orleans and immediately there's signs going, because we haven't eaten all day, there's signs going, oh, here's Wendy's, here's McDonald's, here's KFC. And we're like, oh, should we stop? Should we, oh, no, we'll hold on.

Every half mile, there's new signs going, just pull over here for fast food. Half mile. Look at you, you've converted already. Yeah, yeah. We just went to a place that was like, that had about 20, 20 different... We've just passed another city. Oh, really?

Yeah, I was just going to say. Oh, man. We should pop in for dessert. And there's Persian rugs over this side. Wow. Wow, this episode is really ramped up. All of a sudden, there's stuff coming from every angle. I don't want to go to any towns. I just want the highway. What's this? We're passing a billboard for McDonald's.

You had me at two all-beef patties. It's lazy. I think we're driven to Germany. So what do you say we wrap this episode up? I think we've got enough in here. We are going to check in with you next week. The plan is we're driving

now to Austin, Texas and then we're driving to Las Vegas which is like a three day drive. The plan is that Nick Cody is going to be meeting up with us in Vegas. We might have some chat with him then but you know, who the fuck knows with that guy. Hopefully we'll get a better offer. Hopefully Luke McGregor can fly over

at the last minute. We'll see you in Texas. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Thanks very much for listening and we'll see you in Texas. Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. Thanks very much for listening, and we'll see you next time. What about the live episode? What? Oh, yeah, the live episode. LA at Meltdown Comics on Sunset, November the 23rd at, I believe it's 7pm, 7.30pm.

Nerdmelt LA for all the ticket details. Come down. Come down. We're in the car, on the way there to the gig right now. Thanks very much for listening, and we will see you next time. See you, mates!