The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 114 - Live! Matt Besser, Dave Anthony, Armen Weitzman and Nick Cody

Episode Date: November 27, 2012

The Saharan Motor Hotel, The Five Pounder and Jarhead Auditions.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome all the way from Australia, your two favourite mates, Carl Chandler and Tommy Dasolo, the Little Dum Dum Club! Hey mates, thank you very much for coming down and joining us at live Little Dum Dum Club at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles. Please sit down, guys. I mean, first of all, we got the star on the Walk of Fame today, and now this standing ovation. That is awesome. My name is Tommy Dasolo.

Standing next to me, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day, dickheads. Yay! We said the thing. Guys, thank you so much for coming down. It's not a gigantic crowd, but man, to come, like, you know, we've come a long way to do this show. No one here

knows us. The fact that anyone turned out is fucking amazing, so give yourselves a round of applause. Like, thank you so much. The mics have been turned down at home. At home it sounds like there's about 25 people here, but there is many more here. Even though, even though when I just said that, a lot of people in the room laughed,

indicating to me that most of these people have never fucking heard us before this moment right now. Round of applause if you've actually listened to our show before. Okay. Round of applause if you took a wrong turn looking for the new Detective Comics. There's a row of people here who have nothing better to do on a Friday night, so that's good.

What led you guys in here tonight? Armin. Armin. Oh, okay. Wow. Cool. That's a guest that we will have on later. Yeah.

Yeah, cool. That's not a weird... You can go back into the comic shop and we'll give you a yell when he comes out if you want, you know. Go read a bit of Little Lulu. Yeah. Is that a thing? Oh.

That's a thing? Yeah. We don't have steps like that in Australia. So a bit of physical comedy for the podcast, yes. Yeah. Thank you very much, guys, for coming down. We have been in your city for, what is it, like five? No, three days now.

We're staying at the beautiful Saharan Motor Hotel just down the street. You may have seen it on the news. Famous shithole. Someone in the audience has just gotten off to turn the air conditioning off So that's good Something we should have known given its effect on the sound of a podcast But anyway Some random knows their job better than us Yeah, we've never done one of these before

Yeah, the Saharan We've stayed at the Saharan last year when we were here And it's one of the great shithole motels, isn't it? Like, it's amazing It's such a shithole that it's stolen a bin in our hotel room for the second biggest shithole in LA, I think. It doesn't even have its own bin. Yeah, the Days Inn.

Do you guys know the Days Inn chain of motels? Yeah. See, why didn't you warn us? We stayed in one of them in Benson, Arizona, and fuck me dead, what a shithole. We stayed in all these hotels, because we drove from New Orleans basically to here, through to Vegas

and we just stayed in all these crappy chain motels where we had these rooms that were like these sweat boxes where they've never had any ventilation ever. We had this great idea of going, oh, this is really part of America if we stay in the worst places we can find. And then we stayed in them and went, in theory that was a funny idea.

I have a bed back home that's comfortable. What the fuck have I done this for? The Saharan, though, the Saharan is, it is great. Like, I do love it. Like, I've stayed there three times now. And it is an amazingly great, bad... That's you talking yourself into it, given that it's 40 bucks a night.

There's nothing amazing about it. But it's walking distance from this gig. That's the thing about it's so bad but all the shows that we end up doing when we come here it's so close to every it's like a block away from in and out burger and that's like it's it's equidistant between this gig and in and out burger which is like all we need that's the saddest thing in three days that's all we've done yeah we haven't seen anything else we've gone in and out burger haven't seen anything else. We've gone to In-N-Out Burger three times. Our routine is we sleep until midday, we walk down to In-N-Out Burger,

and then we're just rooted for the rest of the day, so it's a five-hour nap. Yeah. And then drinking. Yeah. But the Saharan, and you discovered this today, I discovered this the other day, they've found a way to make the temperature of the water

in their pool below freezing, yet still be a liquid. Yeah. Like, you get in and it's like, this should be a block of ice that I'm in right now. It's so cold. There's been no care put into any of the hotel rooms. The only thing on purpose is them making sure that water temperature is below zero. It's like they could have fluffed a pillow, but no, they decided to give people hypothermia. On purpose.

I don't know how that happens. Yeah. So, let's get into some stuff, right? So, for people who haven't listened to our show before, which is the bulk of the audience. Yeah. You say a third of the audience, and that sounds like a decent percentage, but that means four people. We did a thing a little while ago on the show, maybe about a month ago now.

A thing came up on the show. Carl over here put some posters up around the city of Melbourne with my phone number on them saying, I'm looking for topics for a podcast. Please give me a call or text. So I got a bunch of calls. I didn't know it was him at the time. And then when we did our show, I bought it up and found out it was him. So I read out his phone number

on the podcast. And to be fair, I don't think anyone's, no one's really hit you up, have they? You haven't received any information from anyone? No, pretty much. Oh no, the thousand people that have rung me. Yeah, that's, those people slipped my mind for a minute. No, non-stop. Yeah. So anyone here ring me? Fucking good. No, non-stop. Anyone here ring me? Fucking good. So then what happened the other day when we were in Austin

on Facebook we put something up and someone said, Carl, you should put Tommy's US number up on some posters somewhere and I went, go for your life and just put the number. What do I give a shit? I'm leaving the number in a week anyway. I don't care, right? So I've

put that out there and then we're in Las Vegas. I wake up one morning. I have 10 missed calls and 20 text messages. Now, I've kind of vaguely floated this past you and you deny that it's you. I have no idea what any of this is about. So I start getting messages. I've got all these missed calls

and I've got all these text messages saying... Can I just very quickly interrupt the story by saying why is there an inbuilt cricket sound in this theatre? We've got 12 people here we didn't need any help. Yeah do they even have crickets in this city or is this just. Has a show even they could have had the most killer show here has it ever sounded like a killer show? Oh man

I really hope that's coming through into the recording. The sound guy, whatever you have to do to get... Can we get more cricket in the mix? Can we get more cricket in the headphones? Hang on. Are any of you hearing that or is that just me? Is that my paranoia of how badly the show's going? So, yeah, I get up.

I've got all these missed calls. I've got all these texts. And there's a bunch of them going, are the tickets still available? Have you got the tickets? What's happening with the tickets? You've just added yourself. So I write back to one of them and I go,

I'm sorry, but I think I'm being pranked. What's this about? What are the tickets? And she goes, oh, I saw an ad on Craigslist that you've got four Justin Bieber tickets for sale. And then I have to write back and I go, oh, look, I'm really sorry, I don't have any tickets. Someone's playing a prank on me. And she goes,

oh, that's a shame because I was really looking forward to taking my 10 and 12 year old and they'll be devastated. Like it's my fault. Like kind of putting the guilt on me like I've done it somehow. forward to taking my 10 and 12 year old and they'll be devastated like it's my fault like kind of putting the guilt on me like i've done it somehow and since then it has been non-stop like an average of 10 calls and 10 texts a day at least it'd be quality calls and texts though oh no hang on it'd be eight year olds going yeah yeah are you tickets please xo yeah but so it's

it's still like it's slowed in the last couple of days. So I think they said that the gig, for some reason, they said that I'm in Ontario, Canada or something. So it's kind of slowing down a little bit now. When is the concert? You know what? I think it was actually tonight. Yeah, I think it was tonight. So, yeah, but, you know, the thing is, like, you know,

that's fine that my number's out there. You know, because, like I said, I don't care because I'm, my number, I think, just self-destructs in three weeks anyway. But then I was thinking, like, I don't know how this works, but surely in a little bit of time, my number just gets regenerated and someone else gets it. And that poor arsehole is just going to cop.

Well, he's going to get some weird phone call saying, hey, have you got tickets for Justin Bieber three weeks ago? I don't think he's going to get some weird phone call saying, hey, have you got tickets for Justin Bieber three weeks ago? I don't think he's going to get many of those. Well, here's the thing, right? Because the day that I got the number, I got a text from someone from a number I didn't know saying, hey, are you around? Which is already weird because at that point only one person had my number.

Yeah. And I went, oh, who's this? And it was like, oh, it's Adrian. And I was like, I don't know who that is. I'm sorry, I think you've got the wrong number. And he wrote back, it was something, this is like exaggerated, but not by much. It was like, oh, you met me. I'm Sizzler's boy. Like it was like some, it was like his mate had some weird name. And I was like, nah, man. And he went back and forth, like he thought I was holding out on him.

That's not Bieber's nickname or something, is it? Sizzler. The Sizzler. But it just had this... The thing about it was, because it was midnight on a Thursday when he texted me, it had this weird ring of a guy looking for a hook-up. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Looking for a bit of booty call action. Yeah. Yeah, so given that that was the night that I ended up locking myself out of the apartment in New York, probably could have just gone and hung with Adrian and the old mate Sizzler. Yeah, exactly. That would have been a good way to spend the evening. Yeah, you've got to get spooned but that's a bed. Yeah, sure.

So you laughed a little bit too hard when I mentioned the number being put up on Facebook. Did you do it? I thought you meant to get to this show. Oh. What? Oh, okay, right. That's cool. That's a free laugh. Don't knock it, Tommy. Go on. If anyone else wants to laugh at stuff that's not funny, go for it. I just thought the culprit might be in this room because that would be a great prank.

If you're listening at home, make yourself known. And come down. There's still plenty of seats available, guys, if you can somehow listen to this live. This is going up live, isn't it? So what else? you can somehow listen to this live. This is going up live, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So what else? What else have we... Well, let's bring our little... We've got a bit of an exclusive first guest, don't we?

Yeah, yeah, we do. No, you know what? I can guarantee this. I don't know how many podcasts, live podcasts, you guys that are from LA come to. I can guarantee none of them have had this guy on. He's that big of a name. No other podcast in LA has been able to get him.

We've gotten the exclusive. Somehow, what we did this morning to get him was we rolled over in our bed and said to him, Nick, can you come on our show tonight? Now, let's be very clear about this. We are not all sharing the one bed. Because I was talking to my girlfriend uh back home uh like four days ago and i made a joke similar to that yeah and then i spoke to her today and she goes i'm like oh yeah you know sharing a room with the two other guys like you know i'm sort of getting ready to come

home and not be doing that anymore and she said oh yeah and of course because you know the three of you are sharing a bed as well aren't you and i was like uh that was that was a joke and she goes oh was it i thought you were seriously sharing a bed. You and your two little mates sharing a bed together. What sort of behaviour do you display at home in front of your girlfriend? You know you've slept over in my bed. I'm the buffer. All right, let's bring him out.

Guys, if you've listened to our show before, you will know this guy. If not, you're in for a treat. He's one of the best comics in Australia at the moment. He's Sizzler's boy. He's Sizzler's boy. He's Sizzler's boy. Please welcome onto the stage our first guest, our good buddy, Nick Cody. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, mates. Those of you who don't know him, we'll recognise him from letting you in the door tonight. Yeah. We didn't know we had to supply our own door person. Got your cash money in my pocket. You can use some of that to pay Chandler back for the airfare that he bought to get you He actually can't afford me my flights over here, as you might have heard.

This guy better be good. I've actually bought his airfare to get out here, to play in front of 18 people. We're not as good in Australia at money as you. So we all met up in Vegas. We were together in New York for a couple of nights. We had about a week apart. We met up in Vegas. We all got in there pretty late in the day on, I think it was Saturday.

We went out and had a big night. And then you went back to your hotel room. And what happened then? All right, so what happened before? I've never done any drugs ever, right? But I was in Vegas for the first time so I was amped for cocaine. I really wanted cocaine

and I couldn't find any which is, that's how shit I am in Vegas. There's no coke here guys, this place is fucked. So that's how shit I am at Vegas. He also couldn't find a poker machine, so... No slots. Where are they at in Vegas?

Oh, yeah, slot machine. Is that what they're called here? That's what they're called here. Professional. So... You guys have got to co-opt the term pokies. Like, it's such a better phrase. Okay.

I think they have the phrase for something else here. And I think slots are bigger here, so stick with that. So what happened, I think we all went back to our rooms at about 3am. And I was a bit annoyed. I was like, nah, fuck this. I want to stay up. I want to go out.

It's Vegas. And then I woke up at 6.30 in the morning, sitting on my bed exactly as I am right now. I fell asleep sort of upright. And he was on that same stool as well which is weird. I got a really shitty room. You must have been bummed. That's money from a hotel room

that you could have saved by just sitting in McDonald's. That was my first thing. So I turned around and I've got a king size bed and I'm like, fuck, I haven't even used it. That was my,

not you fell asleep sitting upright, you fucking idiot. I like our King Loser stories of Vegas where we didn't hit the strip, we didn't do anything good. In fact what Cody did, what Nick Cody did, he had a first time thing. It wasn't coke, it wasn't hookers.

It was, he learnt how to iron his shirt in Vegas. Yeah. I've never ironed a shirt. So I did that. Sorry for bringing that up because I know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But, you know, when you get home and your girlfriend finds those creases in your jeans, she's going to suspect something. I've never ironed a shirt.

That was quite exciting. But the good thing is, for you, is that we have now, I shouldn't say we, you have been propositioned by prostitutes three times. Yeah. Three times in this trip. Us two, between us, nothing. Yeah. We have now, I shouldn't say we, you have been propositioned by prostitutes three times. Yeah. Three times in this trip. Us two, between us, nothing. Yeah.

Yeah, consistently. I don't know about prostitutes here, but I like to think that they want to fuck the hottest guy in the group. But I can take that, but I don't like the idea that they're looking at him and thinking he has more money than me. Because he walks around in shorts and thongs all day it's like flip-flops flip-flops sorry no and he also has a thong on yeah you call him here flip-flops no what do they call him here flip-flop okay you just didn't laugh because it wasn't funny I'm the expert all right so fucking killing the references. No, don't call it that here. No. I'm the expert. Alright. So it was three times

I've been approached by prostitutes. You're all good looking too. Yeah, it is. You have excellent prostitutes in America. No, I think I figured it out today.

It's because prostitution here is illegal but in Melbourne, Australia it is legal. So anybody that can't work in a brothel is a fucking disaster. But here it's like just tens walking around.

And that's how I knew my self-esteem is low enough that any girl that's like, hey, what are you guys up to? I'm like, whore, because I know. There is no way. There is no way. I know you guys like the accent, but not that much.

Not that much. Well, the most recent one was the other night when we were coming to a gig in this venue. It was out the front of this venue. That is a smart prozzie. Yeah. Giving it a crack out the front of a comic book shop. That's a sweet market that you're going for.

Yeah. That's an easy sell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, put down the Avengers. Hop on this. Now, I don't know why we do this, but we talk about your mum on this show a lot because she enjoys harassing Carl on Facebook.

Do any of you guys have a parent or a mother that's very active on social media? It's always a bit weird, but Nick's mum sort of takes it to the next level. And I've got a bit of a breaking update here. I've received missives from her in the last half an hour on the way to the gig. So this is a...

And we've heard a story just before we've got this. We've heard a story of your mum, Nick Cody, Mrs. Cody, where she... Because she usually annoys me by sending me just single figures on Facebook indicating how many days to go until Nick Cody's birthday, which is very annoying. I get them day by day. And I've heard a story recently where she got punched in the head Figures on Facebook indicating how many days to go until Nick Cody's birthday, which is very annoying. I get them day by day.

And I've heard a story recently where she got punched in the head in a KFC drive-thru, which has made me very jealous. That you didn't get to do it first. No, that he wasn't eating KFC. So, breaking news. So, I get 6.30pm. You're funny, XXX. And then you are a very Siri boy. And then straight away, did you know that I've got an iPad?

It makes a ping sound when I get a message. Make it ping. My response, no. Seen at 7.10pm with no response. No response. Well, you made a a ping you held up your end of the bar yeah exactly I want to know what the ping was like she sent me one today I've got a friend back in Australia Kane and she said what size t-shirt does Kane wear I'm like I don't know I think it's either a medium or a large and she said yeah cool I found it I found a website that sells a massive homo t-shirt and I bought him one for Christmas.

She hasn't met my friend Kane. She doesn't know Kane. She might be the greatest mum of all time. She's pretty amazing. You know what? I'm going to go ahead and book another spot in the KFC drive-thru for her. I think it's happening soon.

Because wasn't that the thing? You were telling her she's gotten punched in the KFC car-thru for her. I think it's happening soon. Because wasn't that the thing? Like she's gotten, you were telling her, she's gotten punched in the KFC car park. Yep. But then it was like near their house and she was drunk at the time.

Yeah, so she drunk drove to the, it was actually a Hungry Jack's which you guys know as Burger King. Another reference, tick up number three for Cody. So you guys know it as Burger King.

My mum had been drinking People in Australia didn't understand the idea of food mon it as Burger King. People in Australia didn't understand the idea of food monarchy. Burger King, they're like, we need a name and a feeling. Hungry Jack. I don't know if such... Yum, fries, burgers,

we're on it. I don't know if such technology exists, but we need to find a way to just for people listening to this in Australia, if there's just an automatic fast forward through all the bits where we're explaining bits to an American crowd... Then I pretty much already get it. For hours. So what happened, it was about 10.30 at night in my suburb.

I grew up in a really shitty suburb of Melbourne. What's the equivalent? I don't know. No. All right, three from four, that's not bad. So what happened, she decided at 10.30 at night to go down and get some food, and she was in the drive-thru. However, around the corner earlier that night, there was a party,

$5 all you could drink at this party. So all these underage kids have turned up. All the booze has run out quickly. Then they started a riot in the street. There was like 300 people that just came out into the street. You guys have riots, right? Yeah, you guys have riots. It's normally over

different reasons, not fucking booze ran out. This is bullshit. Normally it's proper reasons. So she was in the drive-thru. That's our equivalent of Rodney King and OJ. The fucking tinnies

have run out. Bang! You know when your five buck beers run out? This is bullshit. So a girl started jumping on the hood of the car. And another one, four from five.

So my mum got out. What do you call that? Bonnet. Bonnet, okay. So my mum got out and said to this crazy young girl, get the fuck off my car. And a guy's come from behind and king hit her. My mum woke up in the hospital the next morning

and the police were there. And they said, do you have anything to report? And she said, yeah, I'm hungry because I didn't get to eat my fucking Hungry Jacks. And then he hit her again. Yay. He made her head ping. Yay.

All right, should we crack on and get another guest out here? Nick Cody, ladies and gentlemen. Give him one seat? Our next guest, you will know him from the Walking the Room podcast. Please put your hands together and welcome to the stage, Dave Anthony! The slowest entrance of all time. If only he had podcast experience. Hello. How are you? I'm sorry. The slowest entrance of all time. If only he had podcast experience.

How are you? I'm sorry. Before I start, I'm just going to say that. Lower expectations. Yeah, this is good. This is the first... I've instantly noticed the mood in the room shift from people going, Oh, a guy who's got the same accent as us.

Boring. One guy left. I've heard this frequency of speech before. Very upsetting. I think they're excited. No more Hungry Jacks, no more bonnet references. Finally someone we can understand. Fucking Hungry Jack. I couldn't believe that when I saw that shit when I was there.

Hungry Jack's, it's his joint. It's not just one Hungry Jack. You're not eating him. Not the one I saw. It's Hungry Jack. Oh yeah, the Q saw. It's Hungry Jack. Oh, yeah, the queue intersection. Right, Hungry Jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course, of course, of course. Yeah, because you came to Australia last year. I did, yeah. You did some Walk in the Room podcast down there. You were very nice. You were very nice to me. Oh, thank you. Yes.

Not him, not Tommy. Hang on a minute. Now, you recorded about 20 podcasts in Melbourne. How many of them survived the recording? Because that was a big thing, was that a lot of your shows got deleted. We lost the best podcast. Well, up until we did the LA Podcast Festival one

with Will Anderson, it was the best podcast we had ever done. Mate, I can do it again for you. So we've got to keep this at a kind of shit level so that the recording survives. We're on top of it. Bonnet. Let's play Bonnet a few more times.

Rodney King. Yeah. Perfect. Perfect, guys. Perfect. Is that too soon, guys? What is the problem we have with Rodney King

apart from that it's a black man being bashed? Hang on, I get it. That's not funny. Too soon him being dead or just too soon the whole riot? Oh, he's dead. He died in his pool. Oh, you didn't even know he died?

Five out of six. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five from six. Rodney turned out to be a floater. We get movies a long time, like much later in Australia and the news. So that's, yeah, we'll have something to tell people when we get home. I don't think it's a movie. I think it's just a news bit.

Like, I don't think it's... No, but we get the news in cinemas, so we're going to have to wait a few months to find that out. That's great. That George Bush is fucked.

Oh, terrible, yeah. We'll get rid of him, trust me. We were trying to get him on this podcast and no wonder he didn't

respond to my emails. Who, Rodney King? Yeah. What was his email? He's also really, like, he's not just dead, but he's like a shut-in. Well, he is now.

Unless he was cremated. He's definitely a shut-in. Say it again. Cremated? Fantastic. Every once in a while, you guys say a word, like the, I say, how do you say pedophile? Pedophile.

The Irish say it, pedophile. I want to fucking hug them every time they say it. Even we find that great. That's amazing, isn't it? Pedophile. But I like the way you say cremated. Check this out. Aluminium. You've applauded too much there because now all I'm going to do is say words.

Quick, get the dictionary easy. You know what should get a better clap? Aluminium. Boo. I've heard it. Still six from seven. They just didn't like it. That's hack material around here.

Everyone does that. Yeah, aluminum's old school shit. That's like some Buddy Hackett shit right there. Hey, now here's something I looked up about you before. You grew up in Las Vegas? No.

And you were a... Oh. Oh, okay. Did you look at my IMDb page? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the... Okay, so I have credits on IMDb and some dude

whose name is like Dave Anthony Vincent or something just decided to throw his bio up on my page. And I can't get it down. It's been up there for two years. Because IMDb is like notoriously, like whatever you throw up, they won't touch it. Oh, we know they go back and try it again. So there's just tons of fake shit on there.

And so a guy just put it up, and I finally contacted him. I'm like, what the fuck did you do? He goes, man, I did. I didn't. It was just like I tried to get it down but they won't like so I've got someone else's bio on my page and it's

the craziest bio you used to play saxophone in games around Las Vegas fuck yes I did why do you want that taken down that's so good no now I don't but the first thing I ever did on IMDB was that in a movie? Or is he just playing...

No, it's real. Well, he says it's real. But the first thing I ever did on IMDb was try to take a guy's bio... Try to take a guy's credit for being in a movie and playing a monkey. He tried to take that. The Anthony Hopkins movie where he...

He went and there were monkeys. That is showing your ignorance and proving that you are just a saxophone player from Los Angeles. Anthony Hopkins was once in a movie with monkeys. Just fucking trust me. Seems like a ridiculous thing to make up. It was based on the book Ishmael, which is about a guy who talks to a monkey. Story checks out so far.

I shouldn't be allowed to go outside. Am I the worst guest you've had on? No, no, the best. Well, again, there's those crickets again, so maybe. So maybe. So maybe. It says on your own DB page, I haven't seen this because I've watched all the series, but were you on Entourage?

I was. Yes. For one scene, but I wasn't on it. Yeah. So it was just me. Did you play, let me guess, an asshole? No. A saxophone in Vegas?

I had to act and be nice. Right. It was really hard. But because Jeremy Piven is a fucking asshole. Is he really? Yeah, both on the show and then in real life. Yeah, he's a dick. Method.

Jeremy Piven's one of those guys where you put his name into Google and it suggests what the end of the search is going to be. Oh, yeah. And all the first things that come up are like, he's an asshole. Fuck him. What a dickhead. He's a sex of own play from Las Vegas all

the bad stuff all right this is it this is how like being in LA has affected me there was a bit just then when I said like ragged at Jeremy people I was like oh what if he's here this thing never it's not even seven degrees of separation in here we've been in the same city as a celebrity that we're talking about. That's a big deal for us. But you can literally... Wow. Not all Australians are pathetic as us.

I just want to put that out there. But you can literally in two seconds look at everyone's face in the audience and see that no one is Jeremy Piven. Yeah, but there's a shadowy guy

up the back there. He could be just around the corner. He could be in the comic book shop. He could be around the corner in the comical shop, yes. Maybe. Because we were trying to have an entourage moment last night. We were in a convertible driving in the city

and again, I know that sounds pathetic, but we're in a convertible in LA. We're like, yeah, we're all turtle, yeah. Were you playing like Duran Duran and like dancing around too or were you just in a convertible? Kind of. We were pretty excited. A friend of ours who's here drove us home and he went to put the top up and we just went crazy man what the fuck are you doing good and he goes guys it's

freezing yeah no no top stays down it's like the coldest night yet yeah yeah and it was great and we got to a traffic light and there was another car next to us oh hey let's what do you want you know do you wanna swap cars and I'm like yeah I want to swap cars and they had it like a piece of shit and then we got to the next light and I'm like come on let's go and they go all right and he jumps out and tries to get in the car and I went to board him off I'm sort of like hope we're gonna swap hats as well he's like here you go and gave me his Yamaka? Yamaka. Yamoka? It's Yamoka. We all say that at home. We all say that.

Chandler's my... Did you see your first Jew? Yeah. That is a very cute Australian thing, okay? That's not stupid. That's cute. Just like the way you say, Dirty Jew!

Like that? No, no, no. That's not how Chandler said it. He took his yarmulke and said, hey, I've got your hat. Now you should take ours. Which I think is far creepier to take someone's yarmulke off their head and go, I've got your hat. Like it's not a religious thing. Hey, your little hat!

Would you do that to the Pope? If he pulled up next to me in a convertible, yeah, sure. But then it was this weird moment where you've taken the yamulka and then he's gone, now give me your hat. And you went, no, I'm not giving you my hat. So for a moment, you were just a bloke stealing a bloke's yamulka at an intersection. Yeah.

It was just a hate crime there for a second. It was lucky that that light was red because otherwise I would have taken that yummel cat and I'd be wearing it right now.

Yeah, sweet souvenir. Did you guys drive all the way to Vegas and then wake up halfway there and Robert Downey Jr. is dead in the back? Convertible joke

less than zero. I don't get it. Work with me. No, I don't. It comes out next year yeah fuck

Robert Downey I want to know who you played in Entourage I was just showrunner I was a showrunner I didn't have a name

just a showrunner they had a meeting with can you remember what season I don't even remember I've never seen an episode of the show

not even the one I was on I'm so not interested in it I don't watch it when I'm on it. Wow. What's Turtle really like?

He's great. We went out back and we played hopscotch and just a fun gentleman. That's exactly what I thought he'd be. That's awesome. That's awesome.

So did you have any experience with Jeremy Piven? Yeah, and that was who my scene was with. Oh, right. And so he was a real asshole. Yeah, he's a dick. But he's like one of those dicks

You meet is a comic who like me who is a dick to other people and you're like? Oh, he's got like a comics personality where he's just always trying to be funny But he does it in a biting way so to me It didn't bother me that much, but I could see how people would be like what the fuck is this guy's problem Right like you know like I said you know I when I looked him up I remember I was looking him up on Google But I found all these stories about him being a dick to people and stuff and you kind of go yeah you know what he's like what is he like 40 something he was bald now he's got hair and it's just all these stories about him being out till fucking four in the morning and

them seeing him down the street with a girl on each arm and him telling people to get fucked it's like well good on him why wouldn't you yeah you know what i mean he's like he's gone but there's a lot of people in hollywood who aren't dicks like you don't just name one you're um uh john crier not a dick exclusive for dum-dum club no i met him very nice i'm gonna go and rent Better Off Dead tonight. That's a movie he's in. You guys should know this. This is Hollywood. William Shatner is a very nice guy.

Yeah. Rodney King seems like he's a pretty nice bloke. Yeah. And he's gotten nicer recently. By default because he just can't do anything bad. He's very laid back now. You can do whatever you want on his IMDB page now. Wouldn't it be weird if he caused a riot now?

In this room? In this podcast over the way we're talking. That would be very weird with 15 people here. I'm going to count now. How many people do you need for it to technically classify as a riot? More than this. Oh yeah. This would just be like, chairs were thrown. Like it wouldn't be, this isn't even like a bar fight.

This would just be known as an incident. At the moment, the people talking on stage could pretty much take the crown. All right guys, let's move it along. Give a round of applause for Dave Anthony, everyone. Do I leave or do I move over? Our next guest, he's been on this show before. You'll know him from the podcast Improv for Humans. Please welcome back in the little dum-dum club, Matt Bessa.

Hey, guys. John Cryer supported Mitt Romney, so's a dickhead that's true yeah I take it all back that guy very simple okay shouldn't rich people support Romney and the rest of us not like that's how it should work oh yeah sorry I was wrong I was thinking this today actually about you Matt and you Dave has anyone ever pitched a thing where you play brothers? Because you really look like you could be brothers. I've heard that before in Tom Hanks.

Oh, yeah. Tom Hanks is the eldest. You're the middle. If we can just get Tom on board, we can do this. Is he the holdout? He's like the Bill Murray from Ghostbusters of this project. Because it would get made. That's all we could go is,

it would get made, Tom, right? It would totally get made. If you want to make it. You just jump on board and this thing's greenlit. I think it'd be amazing if he got on board and then one of you guys

was the holdout. Nah. Sorry, Tom. I don't know. I'm going to need a little more money. I've got some jazz gigs down in New Orleans. I think it'd be great

if Jeremy Piven heard this and went, this is a perfect, oh no, now you call me an arsehole, fucking project's off. Yeah. You think Jeremy Piven's an ar went, this is a perfect, oh no, now you call me an asshole, fucking projects off. Yeah. You think Jeremy Piven's an asshole? Yeah.

He is. Confirmed. Cody, what do you think of Jeremy Piven? No idea about him. Oh, alright. James Spader is a douchebag.

Really? Yep. What if this is just the rest of the show? Alright, I'm just going to say names and you can say, you guys can be like, No stories to back it up. Just yep.

Based on how big the yep is. He screamed at me on the set of Boston Legal. Let's hear about that. Was it any sane novel? I was doing a scene, and we were rehearsing, and at the end of the scene, I was supposed to say my line and walk away, but I couldn't walk away because there was a wall behind me.

So there's nowhere to go. So I was just supposed to stand there. And then he's rehearsing and rehearsing it. And the director goes, can you do it? Try it this way? And he goes, I fucking can't because this fucking guy won't goddamn walk away. He calls you a fucking guy? Yeah, fucking guy.

And then the director goes, well, he can't move. There's a wall behind him. Build a fucking door. It's all these references to assholes. It's all getting a bit too, you know, American-based. I'm still thinking of, you know, the Australian listeners. So let's just... Daryl Summers, bit of a prick.

There you go. There you go, everyone back home. That's definitely heated up the studio audience here. It's pronounced Daryl Summers over here. So there we go. They get that more now. Go Saints. Eight from ten. audience here it's pronounced Daryl Sommers 8 from 10 do you know do you know anyone on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yes who do you know Drew Carey oh yeah and we probably know people you probably know people. I was trying to think. The only one I know is dead. Chris Farley. Oh. Sorry, I didn't kill him.

This is news to you guys. Let's bring it up a notch with a few Rodney King references. I bet Margaret Cho's got a... Really? Don't you think? I think you should be dead. I think you should have to die. That's what I think. How do you get your handprint in?

I think you should be killed on the think you should have to die. That's what I think. How do you get your handprint? I think you should be killed on the walk. You should lean down and you put your hands in cement and then they hit you in the back of the head with a hammer. There should be footprints on it, but they should be yours from being buried upside down. Like just feet up to the ankles and then they're like severed off. So you think everyone that gets on the Walk of Fame, they walk in and it's like Pesci and Goodfellas

and he goes, oh no. And then he just puts his hand in. That's it. We've made Hollywood better. And I think Chandler should watch Goodfellas because that deserved one more. Chandler from Friends?

Or? You're aware of what our names are, right, Dave? The one where Chandler watches Goodfellas. I call you by your first name because I'm a gentleman. Yeah, that's very Keith. That's not getting a great round of applause from the audience who don't know who I am anyway. Oh, that's Keith.

Now, Matt, I looked you up again, like I thorough research, like I do with all our guests on IMDB before and one of the trivia notes was is the grandson of Joe Besser? Now is that someone who's known because I like the idea that

your grandpa was just a normal dude He's one of the three stooges you idiot Oh really? Yeah you fucking idiot Guys, I'm 12 okay? He's 12 Stooges, you idiot. Oh, really? Yeah, you fucking idiot. Guys. Guys, I'm 12, okay? Yeah. He's 12 and Chandler was around when that came out. So it says you related to John F. Kennedy.

Some just normal guy. Old Johnny F. Okay. But I would like that if that was a thing. If people just started putting their grandpa's name on Well it didn't happen No but if it did happen If it did happen from now

Well this has turned into a better question now Don't worry Alright look I'm drowning in quicksand Please throw the rope in Three stooges Well on short notice Alright I'm going to pluck out a question So what's that like?

It's fucking great. Every day it affects my life. People want to hit me over the head with things. The interesting thing about him is he entered the Stooges when he was in his early 60s, and they were all really old. And he was like, I don't want to be hit at this age. So he put it in his contract that he could not be hit.

Which is like joining a football team and saying, I don't want to run around. Was that the episode where they point out a banana peel and he goes, fuck, that was close. So he was just this dudeooge who just walked around Yeah He was just a stooge that talked about concussion

Awareness He was a stooge that had personal assistants That had heaps of hands in front of their temples Just like that the whole time But you know what I just thought He's the stooge that didn't die while being a stooge. How about that? Whoa, shit just got real.

Did you see the recent movie? I did not. You don't get complimentary family tickets? I know, that sucks, right? I think it's weird that you didn't get asked to be in it. I auditioned for it. Not for that role, though. Oh, really?

Did you really? Yeah. All right. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Another question? I didn't get it.

It's coming. Any funny stories about that? He he. The funniest story is probably that I told him the previous story the guy auditioned for, and he did not give a fucking shit. I was like, I got a good audition story for this guy. He was like, all right, anyway, step in front of the camera. We can give a shit.

Great story, jerk-off. See your monkey lines. That would help if you were related to Mo, but you're not. Everything on IMDb is bullshit. Get out of here, you fraud. I just wish I was born in an era when people had lines like, Why you? You don't get that anymore.

Yeah. That's a bit cute. I oughta. Yeah, you do have a great YU voice. Thank you. What I like as well on, I don't know what page it was. It was on the internet, so it must be true. You did commercials.

What it says here, you did improvised commercials for McDonald's. Now, I'm just trying to get my head around how that works, whether you just get on there and go, hey, you know what I could do with a five-pound burger? And they go, that's a great ad. All right, we're going to have to build that product now. We're going to have to have a five-pounder. A five-pound burger?

I don't know. And they said, we don't have that. And he went, why you? Go to Hungry Jack's for that shit. So you think that I improvised the products that they have? We're now offering, well, I don't know. And after the commercial, like, we spent so much on

this, we gotta come up with these products. Come on down for our creamed fries. He's related to a stooge. Fucking build it. What a great world that would be if that's how it happened. Is that not how it happened? That's not how it happened. Is that not how it happened? That's not how it happened.

So my next question, you did improvised commercials for Toyota. Do you know? There's no... There's no... You didn't suggest any jet plane Toyota prices or anything like that? You don't know

an improvisation. I would love to see this page. I'd like to think now that there's... This madman's page. I'd like to think that there's McDonald's in every Toyota dealership because he's like, where's your Big Mac? And they're like, oh, fuck, we better do this. Come on down and get our half pickup truck, half strawberry.

Yeah, like they didn't want to employ like nutritionalists or chefs or anything. So they're like, oh, we'll just get an improviser for the ad and he can make up some new shit. Why would they get a nutritionalist or a chef for a McDonald's ad? I was talking about the Toyota ad. Boom. I did invent the hybrid during that commercial. I'm glad this has come up because you're known as one of the great improv

teachers. Yeah, I've improvised some of the greatest commercials of all time. This guy next to me is known as one of the great improvisers of Australian comedy. Really? Let's give it a bit of this right now. Hey, Carl. Wish the word meant the same thing.

Pretty nice here at the beach, isn't it? Can you hear my skin crawl? Look at the sun's out, the waves are there. Do you want to go for a swim? No. End scene. I know that was pretty good But how could

If it was possible How could that have been better This is like the toilet That flushes the other way You guys go the other way You know Man You should build your cars

I would have said something funny If you said that to me Oh funny I would have said Look at that Mick Toyota Out there in the waves There's something Let's write that down I said look at that Mick Toyota out there

That's right that down yeah, you guys do improv down there. Oh, there's a bit of it, but there's not yeah We don't do it there we don't do it here It's like do you mean us or you mean us specifically or Australia in general? Just the Aborigines. Man, back home they would laugh as much at that as they would at Rodney King, so you guys are bad people. They are pretty good improvisers. They're pretty good.

End scene. I think it's, I gotta say, it's really uncool that you just called Rodney King an aborigine. That is true. We're not allowed to come home anymore. Can't we all just walk about? Thank you. That's a chain.

That's a chain of Australian themed pubs in London called Walkabout. That's really... It seems like not a good name for a place that they want people to... He didn't point it out, but our Hungry Jack is a TV dinner. Hungry Jack, gobble it down, and the plate comes back for Hungry Jack. Are you guys relating to this at all? Is that one of the ones that made it?

Or do they have to make it now? They do, but they don't make them anymore. Did you just invent a product then when you sang that song? No, I just improvised that. That was amazing. That was a great jingle. What's your Salisbury Steak jingle? If you improvise about us having 8 million listeners on this podcast,

then it'll just have to happen. We're going to be huge. That's actually, I don't think, yeah, I don't think that one's going to come true. It's not like... Well, not's not, it's not like. Well, not now that this episode's been deleted. He can't change reality like a level 10 Scientologist. He can only make suggestions. He can't bend reality.

Now, what you've just done is you've blocked what I said before. An appalling example of the form from you. No no's on this. Just yes buts. Okay. Is that a rule? What's that? Yes but?

Sure. Why not? No. At ECB they just do fuck yes. Fuck yeah. Fuck and. So throw out something and he'll fuck yeah it. Okay.

Hey. What's that? fuck you out. Okay. Hey, what's that up on the- Fuck you, asshole! I'm stealing your jamoca! Fucking running away! I tell you what, if I was related to either Abbott or Costello, I could come back with something. You've got that rich bloodline. I can't beat that. All right, guys, we're going to keep moving along. Give a round of applause for Matt Besser,

everyone. Our final guest for the evening is a guy who we saw him do a show when we were here last year, and then we did a show with him. We thought he was very, very funny. We're very happy he could come down and join us. Please welcome to the stage Armin Weitzman, everyone! Boo! Now, you should kill this, because your friends make up about 90% of the audience. If you don't do well here, man, go home and neck yourself, because this is... I thought about that.

How do you guys feel about what Bart Simpson did to your country? To our country? To our great country? Oh, right. What are you talking about? Well, The Simpsons, famous show. Come on, guys. The episode that came out last week.

We should have all seen this. So Bart Simpson's this. He's the youngest son. Sure. Okay. He's like a rap scallion and he's a troublemaker. Hey, hey, hey. I need have all seen this. So Bart Simpson's this. He's the youngest son. Sure. Okay. He's like a rapscallion and he's a troublemaker. Hey, hey, hey.

I need more detail. Okay. And he prank called Australia in what's called a hilarity ensued. Australians were mocked. I laughed. How long did the call

go on for? Oh, actually quite a while. It was the bill. Does everybody know about this? I feel like it's a while. It was the bill. Does everybody know about this? I feel like it's a famous... It's part of their constitution now. Did this cause any sort of international incident? We're at the comic book store.

Are we talking about in the Simpsons episode? Total. No, in reality. No, in reality. We actually took on, when they have the flag, that's just the boot going into the butthole. We took that on as our flag. That's how popular that episode was down home.

I thought everyone knew that episode. Probably. Some of us stopped watching it after 20 years. Yeah, I know. It's from 20 years ago. You know what? It is an annoying thing because everyone makes these Australia jokes about, you know, you can hop in a kangaroo's pouch and you can, you know, eat Burger King down there.

That shit doesn't happen, you know? What does a kangaroo's pouch smell like? Do you guys sniff them or how does it work? I've never met a kangaroo. I've never. We don't. What about Kangaroo Jack? Again, that's an American movie.

That's not a real gentleman. No. It's based on a real gentleman. There was a kid at my primary school who, when The Simpsons was starting and getting big, he would call it Bart Simpsons, and it used to just annoy the fuck out of me. The show, The Bart Simpsons.

Yeah, he'd call it Bart Simpsons. So after a new episode had been on, he'd come in and he'd go, did you watch Bart Simpsons. Yeah, he'd call it Bart Simpsons. Right. So he'd, right after a new episode had been on, he'd come in and he'd go, did you watch Bart Simpsons last night? It was funny on Bart Simpsons, and it, you know when things just annoy you, like, unreasonable. Hey, you might be offending people here. Is it called Bart Simpsons? Yes.

That's the full name. How old were you? Uh, I would have been like, uh, second grade? Yeah, let it go. Yeah. That yeah that's my point is that you know when you can't work out why but something just pushes a button in you and I would get so angry and I might go it's not fucking called Bart Simpsons it's the Simpsons and then he would come in and he'd go like an hour later he'd go all the ads for Bart Simpsons tonight looks funny and I would

get really furious you seem like a pretty well-adjusted second-grader yeah yeah I know I thought they'd turn the crickets off I thought someone here backstage had gone these guys are doing pretty okay and turn the crickets off they have it well some people just came into the theater and I thought oh great people can hear us outside and we're bringing people in but it's just a bunch of people who've come in to get a photo with a big stuffed Santa that's sitting at the back of the room. There's a boy here and then there's a guy standing sideways, which is weird. Yeah, never watch a show sideways. That's rude.

It means you're not fully committed to watching it. Dude, you're getting it in mono. You need it in stereo. Have both ears pointed at the stage. I don't know if this has been made abundantly clear yet, but there are plenty of seats. So, Armin, we met you last year. I emailed

you and asked you to do this show, and you said yes. Now, be honest. Did you remember us at all? I remembered Matt Besser. I remembered you guys. You guys were great guys. You know, everyone here has touched my life in a different way. And it was an honor to be here.

It was. You're still here, by the way. Is it over? Wait, has Nick touched your life? Yeah, I said, are you on the fucking door list? Or I'm going to need five bucks next time. That's not good. Nick's great. I mean he jokes around but backstage he's very

different. That's for the Nick thing. Look, I Backstage looking at Nick. I came out here and I said something about the Simpsons ever since then. That was a train wreck.

It's a famous TV show. It's historical. since then. We know, yeah. We remember. Yeah, that was a train wreck the whole Simpsons thing. It's a famous TV show. It's historical. I swear in a comic book, sure. Back home, they're loving this right now. So anyway,

these guys, these guys, right? These fucking guys. These guys. I don't know. I remember you guys fondly. I want to make you guys proud. I feel like I have also had funny audition stories.

Nobody asked you. No, you can't bring your own interview. Have you auditioned for The Simpsons? So, I have an audition story about my grandfather. Speaking of moose. about my grandfather. Speaking of moose. I read this about you on your IMDb page, Armin.

It's great how you guys went through the extraordinary research of reading IMDb. Before the show, we had time to look at one page and IMDb was it. To be fair, he didn't even click on that. That just hit I'm feeling lucky on Google.

Look guys, the Wi-Fi at the hotel is really bad. It took a whole day just to bring IMDB up. I did that McDonald's commercial in 91. I barely had pubes when I did that commercial. So give us your audition story. You sizzled it up. Let's have it. Yeah, it must be good. Does it involve Rihanna? Well, it depends on which audition story you want me to tell.

Yeah! You go, girl! That is a power move. That indicates he's been to more than one audition. Why don't we say what you saw on IMDb? Oh, yeah, yeah, okay. There's nothing. Someone wrote, because there's a message board thing on people's IMDb page. Oh, shit. Okay, sorry.

What I liked in this was someone was impressed with your work, and they wrote on your page in the forum, he was in Ocean's 13 in a bit part, the guy who fixes the slot machines, eating a burrito in a Las Vegas alley while George Clooney throws money at him. The way he did it, I feel like I should know who he is. Who? Arlen or George Clooney?

I want to know the difference. The sad part, that was his mom who wrote that. How do you fix a slot machine eating a burrito in an alley while George Clooney throws money at you in a way where people don't know who you are? Chandler, for the listeners at home, fixing pokies machines. That's a great question. Thank you.

Yes, I was cut out thoroughly of the film. I had a tad more to do. I don't know how I got that part. That was a regular audition that somehow happened. But anyway, my character fixes the slot machines in a separate scene than when I'm eating a sandwich. George Clooney is famous and I... Wait, wait, is this in the movie? Yeah. It is in the movie.

It is in the movie. You just said you got cut out. No, well, I mean, the part about me fixing the slots, but the part where he handed me the money, I could see how someone may have thought it was a young... Well, in the same thread it said, you're like the new Dustin Hoffman. And I'm like, I don't... That's a lot to pull out of a guy eating a sandwich in an alley

having money thrown at him. Well, I mean, there's other works that are more like Dustin's. Did he count all the coins before they hit the ground and they thought, right man? It wasn't a coin. It was a large amount of money. Danny Ocean, the character. He's a professional

I don't have to explain this. You do have to explain it. These are both famous. Bart Simpson. Wow, that's real circle of life stuff. The way you pulled that back to Bart Simpson with no logic. Did they work together, Simpson and Cleary? I don't know if George has gotten to do a voice yet,

but I'll look into it for him. How do you feel right now? I feel good. I feel like I'm up here with some of my heroes. And I told my friend that's from out of town. And I said, come to the show. Use your time in L.A. wisely. Now, you gave me some names of friends of yours to put on the door for tonight.

They're both there. Is that because I responded that these sounded like the most made-up names of all time. Steven Engle and A.J. Blum. Those don't sound right. Are you real people? Why are you making fun of American names? I don't think that's... This guy's name is Arnie.

Yeah, I have the weirdest... Can I put two friends on the door? Milhouse Van Houten and Nelson Muntz They're great Listen So okay right, I'm out here I'm trying to live my dreams right? Now you see my hair right?

For those of you listening It's long And flowing I am getting a haircut I was busy filming. What were you filming? I couldn't cut it. Filming Simpsons?

No, no. That was voice. What were you filming? Well, nothing. It doesn't matter. Big Bang Theory? The joke has gone too far. No, it hasn't.

Well, I mean. It hasn't gone too far. We haven't got to a punchline. Yeah, sorry. You're right. It was nothing. It was a filming of a thing. The Dustin Hoffman story?

The Dustin Hoffman biopic. The Graduate 2? Yeah. Oh, God, I wish. Slot machines in alleys? What about Ocean's 14? That would be great. We're looking into that.

I don't know if we're going to read that. Ocean's 14, the slot guy. Yeah. No, Ocean's 14, all the slot machines were fixed in that. There was no room for arm. I tried to write a movie that was a separate story about that guy with one scene cut out. It was his entire journey around the Ocean's 13 story. And it hasn't been bought yet.

Hollywood's a fucking bitch. Don't bring me into your bed. No one can help you right now. No 11th hour. You're alone. I'm out of here. I'm out of here auditioning for a while. Tell you what, Joe Besser would have helped him out right then.

He would have just poked him in the eyeballs and would have made the scene. Joe Besser. No, don't talk about your relatives. Don't even start, Ar scene. Joe Besser. Yes, go on. Don't even start, Armin. He was great. He underrated. Why don't you talk about our work together? Oh, yeah. I mean, we've also worked together. We were in

what's called an internet web series in about 19... Ocean's 10, the prequel? I haven't been. I'm not as featured in Oceanceans as you think I was. But I've done other cool stuff. I pay the bills, right guys? I was auditioning for this war flick, right?

It was called Jarhead, actually. That came out a long time ago. Correct. So that's a no, by the way. You're not getting into it. Is this like a six-year-old story? It is. that's a no, by the way. You're not getting into it. Is this like a six-year-old story? It is. It's a great, funny, it's a silly story. So this would be your story

if you ever got on Leno. No, no, I have one of those. I've been saving it for Leno. I could do it now. What do you say? You should probably do it now. Okay, fine. You should do it in the middle of this other story. We like the Leno of Australia. Whatever. I was going to say, Denzel Washington and I

have a beef. I was going to go on the night show and I was going to tell him I'm sorry to call it off, but I can do it here first. They have a thing we call football. They know what football is. And I was doing the radio announcers in high school. I said that right?

No, you didn't. I was doing the radio announcers. I'm following the radio announcers. You would say... You're watching the Bart Simpsons. You would say I was announcing the game Not I was doing the radio That sounds like you're fucking a guy

In a back room That could be a much better story than what he's got So let's go with that He was doing the radio announcers for a football game I was doing the thing But I was doing the The guy who blows the announcers during the game. So I'm doing the announcements, whatever, the color commentary,

because I don't know a lot about... The announcements. I'm glad you were doing the color. If you were doing the factual stuff and someone else was doing the color, man, that would be weird commentary. But the point is, I don't know what's going on, so I was like, oh, you know, these are like a pack of herd, or a pack of, whatever.

No, you're not good at it. They were a pack of things, and this guy's a cheater, number 48, and I think earlier he had stepped on some whatever, I made up things. Bullshit. Correct. I was trying to be what's called humorful. I don't think it's called that.

We'll tell you what it's called. I don't think it's ever been called that. The point is, our team was the losing one. The other one, the winners, was the son of Dental Washington, was on the team. So I guess I must have mentioned his number, whoever that was. I don't know. I didn't know. But he burst in the radio announcer.

He burst into the – Who didn't answer? He sees you blowing a guy and goes, what the fuck? Are you talking about the guys making microphone statements? Yes. He came into the room that was – it's a room that was made for announcing for the words. The announcing words room? Yeah.

Anyway, he burst in there. I'm not going to do whatever. He was very upset, and he was like, who's been talking shit about my boy? Do his dialect the best you can. Sound like you're about to. I started to. This story got really racist.

Yo, man. Who's talking about my boy? He has those intonations. I'll say it. Okay. I'll ask you a question. Rodney King Burstein, you shot him. Hey, fool.

Listen. What you doing? What you talking about my boy? Okay. When I raised my hand. Oh, no. Hey fool What you doing What you talking about my boy When I When I raise my hand Oh no for the announcers This is Denzel talking now

Who has been talking shit about my boy I don't I don't like what you've done Now you're doing him in Melkinex Now you're making him sound like Uncle Tom Someone in here has been talking shit about my boy. And I don't appreciate that.

Who is it? Let me find out who that is so I may berate them. You're like the new Rich Little. Who are you pointing to in your story? You're me I'm the other guy going he did it

it's hard to watch you when you're trying not to be racist yeah just let the racist stay out this is going to be better so there's two little white nerds in there pointing at each other and my English teacher who's also a white nerd and then a white guy comes in dressed like Denzel Washington

and Denzel had another friend with him who was also large and in charge. That's the worst description of a black person I've ever heard. That is the most racist thing I've ever heard in my life.

Was he down by law and knew his way around? I'm just saying they were taller and stronger than me. And I don't remember what race they were. Hang on. Howard Costell, continue with the... I've gotten a bit lost. Can we just go back a bit? So you read a football game.

Let's take it from there. He's in the announcement words room. Okay, it's over now. With a human breathing person. A black man came in, threw fried chicken at someone. This was an Oscar winning black man.

A man comes in and throws a watermelon at you. A big watermelon. Did Denzel Washington just be human for a second? Hang on, hang on. Did he really yell at you? Was this Denzel Washington or do they all look like Denzel Washington? No, it was Denzel.

To you. I missed. Can you repeat that joke? I don't want to say it. No. So Denzel Washington came in. He said, where's the guy that said the bad thing? Anyway, I mean, already the... Is this the Denzel that drinks a lot from flight or is this just a regular Denzel Washington came in and he said, where's the guy that said the bad things? Anyway, I mean already...

Is this the Denzel that drinks a lot from flight or is this just a regular Denzel? This is Denzel from Glory. Okay, so he's in character. Is this the way you're going to tell it on the Leno show? No, but let's just say when I'm on Leno I won't have five other guys

next to me. So I'll be able to express myself. And Leno won't have five other guys next to me. So I'll be able to express myself. And Leno won't give you 28 minutes either. So you've got to really. Okay, so I'm auditioning. You'll have no one to explain the story, you're saying. And no one to make it funny. It is.

What? Ed McMahon will be chucking in all this stuff. It's already silly that Denzel yelled at me. I could just stop right there. We'd have an interesting anecdote. Disagree. You guys talked about... Basically, I'm saying, you remember Jeremy Pivens?

He's a jerk. We remember that. John Cryer voting for the Republican. That was a good old days. But remember, those were just comments, whereas this is a story. This is a story. This is a story about Denzel and I.

I was announcing a football game one time in college, and I called out this guy on the field. It ended up being Denzel Washington's son. He came into the booth and yelled at me. I just told your story. Wow. Record time. Hey, you guys, thanks for coming to the 15th story seminar on how to tell basic stories.

So I'm auditioning for Jarhead. Denzel Buston as you all know my hair is longer than an army person who sends the army or girls someone who does what to the army? they attend the army

they are a member of the force army attenders sir are you here to attend? I force. Army attenders, sir! Are you here to attend? I'm here to attend this army, sir. We are a big chance of missing our flight home. Fuckin' hell. All right, then.

Does this tie up into the Denzel story? Is the end of the Denzel story on your IMDb page? I think he basically was so upset with the Denzel story that he set it on fire, and now he's just going into Jarhead, like without prompt. Man on fire? Are you desperate to tell a good story? Let's tell a story, all right? I want to hear about Denzel.

Okay. How did it end? And then I was scared, and then. There's no ending! You don't have an end. Basically, yeah, my English teacher got involved. He was like, hey, you don't talk to my students that way. And then, I can't use the intonation, but he said, we beat you.

We beat you. And then he expressed that I was a lesser than. Drew. I can't use the words. Say the word. They are made of this stuff dreams are made of. Anyway, Denzel, wherever you are, man, I want to say right now, I forgive you. I love you.

The stuff dreams are made of? Yeah, I wish I could say those things. Say what? Do you know what he's talking about? No. The stuff dreams are made of? That doesn't even make sense. Jalen, I would be so mad right now.

If you got to a part in the story. Please go, dog. I can't say. That's because, dude. Race with the spoons on the couch with you right now. What you have is the possible best part of the story. That's the part you've decided to edit out. I got scared when I did this intonation.

Denzel called me a... Gotta go, folks. That's the part you've decided to edit out. I got scared when I did his intonations. Denzel called me a... Gotta go, folks. Lenno really loves doing 2B Continued. Look, we're going to go to a break now for our sponsor, the five-counter at McDonald's. You gotta say it now. It's a podcast.

People are listening. He just called me stupid, dumb, special... Retard. What's the name of a cracker? A cracker? What's the name of a cracker? A honky? Honky.

Graham? He did not call you a honky. He said, we beat you. I can hear your, sorry, without the R, crackers up here making comments about my boy. I can't do this because I feel bad. Did you say King Kong? Why do you feel bad? Do you feel bad about what you said?

Or do you feel bad? Wow. Do you feel bad about what you said? No, I feel bad because I didn't defend myself. I just let Denzel yell at me and said, Your story for Leno is you looking like an asshole. How are you going to defend yourself? You're going to say, I'm not a cracker.

I'm black like you? I'm saying Denzel shouldn't come yell at a high school boy making jokes on the radio station. He should have maybe thought of it. Is it actually on the stage? Did you say I don't like to be called boy? I said, I'm so sorry, I don't know who your son, which one number he was.

Help me, please. Did you say I'm not going to see Glory now? I had already seen it. And actually, he was great. I don't fear him anymore. If I saw him, I'm over it. Well, there's something going on. But I think it's really cool that this is such a sad story

that an English teacher had to defend you. Well, I didn't ask you to. I was a little starstruck too It was Denzel Yeah Anyway I didn't get the pardon Jarhead

Because When I went into The audition room Everybody had buzzed hair And were dressed in Army outfits Sure And I didn't think

That was appropriate To shave my head For an audition So when I went in They all laughed And then I said Here we go I pointed to my hair. Because without

the hair, you look like a perfect specimen of the military. Well, yeah. I usually play jocks and frat guys. Yeah. So it's fun to be called the next Dustin Hoffman. I feel like this is the closest thing we're going to get to an end.

This has somehow turned into an intervention. A story intervention? You tell too many stories, Herman. Welcome to story intervention. When some of the people on stage start sitting in the audience, that's a sign that maybe it's time to wrap it up. I think we really should wrap it up because I also have very lingering fears that the tape that we're recording this on is running out of room

guys, Armin Weitzman everyone give it up for all of our guests Nick Cody Dave Anthony Matt Besser, one more time for Armin Weitzman guys thank you very much for coming out and seeing our podcast if you've not heard us before we're on iTunes

check it out, thanks to all of our guests for coming out, thank you very much for coming out and seeing our podcast. If you've not heard us before, we're on iTunes. Check it out. Thanks to all of our guests for coming out. Thank you guys very much for coming out and supporting our show. And we will see you next time. See you, mates! I got it.