The Little Dum Dum Club with Tommy & Karl - Episode 116 - Kyle Kinane & Nick Cody

Episode Date: December 11, 2012

Racist Hotels, Plane Heckles and Bazza Lincoln.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey mates, welcome once again into the little dum-dum club for another week. My name is Tommy Dasolo, sitting next to me once again in the Saharan Motor Hotel, the other half of the show, Carl Chandler. G'day dickhead. As is a bit of a recurring theme for these last couple of episodes we've done from this hotel room, a guy who we thought would be... Oh, Jesus Christ. We thought he'd be out.

We thought he'd be busy. He's here with us again. Welcome back onto the program for the eighth week in a row, Nick Cody. Hey, mate. And what is it this time? Why are you around? It is a testament to how few people we know in LA. Nick Cody is on again.

Yep. The recurring guest on this podcast. I thought you were going to go buy shoes or something. Yeah, I was, but I started a bit of day drinking, and there's no better place for day drinking than the Saharan Motor Inn. I would like to see you drinking and buying shoes. I think that would be a sweet one. Well, in about an hour, if you want to come with me. I am looking forward to you buying some ridiculous shoes,

sobering up on the flight, getting into Melbourne Airport, having a look at what's on your feet and going, oh, man, I bought some limited edition Ren and Stimpy Nike dunks. When am I ever going to wear these again? I've never worn heels before. Why am I starting now? Today on the show, joining us for our last podcast from LA. We had him on the show when he was in Melbourne.

People loved him. He's just done his Comedy Central special, Whiskey Icarus. Please welcome back into the little dum-dum club, Kyle Kinnair. Yay! Oh, so I noticed that got claps. You got claps the first time eight weeks ago. No, now we're done. You sat that one out, huh, Nick?

You got the clap and you wrote 30 minutes of it a couple of years ago. Yeah, yeah. Kyle, welcome back. Thank you. Like anyone who's come and done this show this week, we are so grateful that people risk life and limb to come into the Saharan Moto Hotel. This is a nice place. I think you're the first guest to turn up this week

who's actually risked parking their car in the on-ground, in-ground parking lot. Of all the guests, I'm the one who comes in like, this place isn't bad. You get a weekly rate on this place. The pool looks clean. But we just noticed in the car park, there's a like the wall that the car park backs onto, there's a barbed wire fence,

which we can't work out, is that to keep out whatever is going... Barbed and razor wire, yeah. Is that to keep out whatever's on the other side of that fence out of the Saharan Inn, or is that the business on the other side of that fence trying to keep out the clientele of the Saharan? I think it's just par for the course in Hollywood. You don't want fences to be easily jumped in this town.

It's a key battle to paparazzi from Natasha Henstridge. Yeah, yeah. Well, this is our last day here. We fly home tonight, and last episode I read out a review of the Saharan that I found online. I found another one that I thought we could bring out, given that it's our last time

in here. Here's a review from Google Reviews for the Saharan Motor Hotel. Do not stay here! Racist! The awful Indian... Are they calling you a racist? They don't want racists staying here Is this on an Indian burial ground? This whole hotel?

Racist The awful Indian attendant saw I was young Black, pretty And my boobs are big And automatically assumed I was an escort The truth is very different I was actually going to meet up with a guy I had spent many weeks emailing.

And then all in caps, avoid this place like the plague. Wow. Is that different? Yeah. That's what I like about it. What else has this woman reviewed? Because the best part is when somebody has such a strong reaction, and you look, they have, like,

whenever somebody, like, they've just reviewed, like, a Wendy's or something, it's like, why? You took time out for your life to be like, this Burger King did not perform to my standards that I've held other Burger Kings. So like, your life is small. I'd like that if they were all on the same day as well. Yeah, this Dairy Queen sucked.

I mean, they were staring at me. I was about to go and root a guy, and they were very rude. Walmart, racist. But I just like that it starts out with this place is racist and then the very

next line the awful Indian attendant I like that she has gone a little bit harder this place is racist as for the

filthy stinky khaki behind the counter what a great place I am I'm going to miss being in here

you're right next to the seventhventh Vale, which is a strip club mentioned famously in Girls, Girls, Girls, along with every other strip club. Oh, really? Yeah. What's Girls, Girls, Girls? The Motley Crue song, Girls, Girls, Girls, Seventh Vale.

Proud tribute to it right next door there. If I'm day drinking, I might as well day strip club. We'll see who's on the afternoon shift. See who's on the dusk patrol. Tuesday afternoon is always when the high-quality strippers are out and about. Who's working the sundownership? Afterwork. Yeah, who's doing after school?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The 3.30. You see them rushing off the stage because their kids are getting out of school. Yeah, rushing off and picking up a lollipop. Yeah. A giant lollipop. Because we've talked about this on the show. We haven't really been going out and doing much.

We've been wanting to see more celebrities. We haven't really seen any. But little did we know, we're gradually finding out that we're just staying in a surrounding area of celebrity. Motley Crue songs. I like to see celebrities like LA as just a zoo with people. Yeah. That's what we think when we come here. Yeah.

Let's go see the zoo with people. Yeah, that's what we did when we come here, yeah. Let's go see the Nicolas Cage exhibit. Yeah. I think the closest we've come is eating in a deli that's featured in an episode of Entourage. Yeah, season six.

Yeah. You guys could have done better than that down there. Season six. Neck jumping. Have you looked up how many people have died in this motel?

Because you know Is there a place where you look that up moteldest.com I would look up Sahara Motor in death yeah if you go on

Google reviews it's just I died in this place do not stay here yeah I mean it just seems like a classic OD yeah

kind of sunset strip this is the sort of place that would have it on their website if you just look up the motel hey guys I know we've sold you

on the pool that's not really heated, but hey. Yeah, this weekend only, murder suicide special. The room's still coated in blood, but it's only ten bucks a night. A friend that lives, you know, last night, I guess just a couple blocks away, the realtor got them in the apartment because

they're like, oh, this used to be Sonny and Cher's old apartment. I was like, I don't believe that. Like, Sonny and Cher had a one bedroom. Like, weren't they always famous? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When did Sonny and Cher just need a one bedroom apartment? Struggle. Yeah. I never heard the struggle. Yeah. Well, you messaged me this morning saying, on your way here, saying, oh, I've got a meeting that finishes at noon and then, you know, I'll be around. And I was about to write back, yeah, yeah,

you got your meeting. We've got a meeting here too. We're helping the manager of the hotel fish a dead prostitute out of the pool. But then I stopped because I thought, I reckon you know this hotel, and I reckon you probably think that's real. Like that's, you know what I mean? That's not even a joke. That could just be a real thing. The dead prostitute in the pool is like a regular thing.

They keep coming up to drink the water after too many pills and they fall in. That pool is so cold. I don't think the prostitute would have been dead on the way in. Would have been dead just by going in there. We've talked about it a couple of times and I wish there was a way for people to know that we're not exaggerating this. I said this the other day on the show. You've got video of me jumping in there

and I got out fucking quick. That pool, I don't know how they've made it below freezing temperature, but the water's still a liquid. I don't know how they've made it below freezing temperature, but the water's still a liquid. I don't know how they've done it. It's insane. It's vodka. It's vodka.

It's what it costs. She died. She went up her nose, and then that was it. That is an amazing thing. Why didn't Motley Crue fucking sing about that? That's worth a song. That would be a vodka pool. Be careful if you met the seventh van.

It's real cold next door? The fridge is too tiny for all your booze. Marley Crew's singing just appropriate songs for what you need to know about Hollywood. It's Travelocity, Marley Crew. The train stopped running at 2.30. Thanks, Marley Crew. That's how well they're going. That's the video that we get shown when we get into the Sahara Motor Inn,

just them doing an instructional movie at the pool. Check out time, it's 11am. Vince Neil giving you restaurant tips in a two-block radius. Don't break into any of the cars, you black people. Kyle, we met you, like we mentioned, you were on the show when you were in Melbourne earlier this year it's been what is it like six months

eight months in between then and now we saw you for the first time after a few months at the Meltdown comic show the other night you came up to me and said

oh hey Tommy good to see you again and then you said is Carl the guy in the green room right now with the beard

and glasses I couldn't remember listen I drink a lot and I meet a lot of people please don't think the guy in the green room right now with the beard and glasses. I couldn't remember. Listen, I drink a lot and I meet a lot of people. Please don't think it was you. No, no, no, no. You know it all in disguise. But it was just some guy by it.

Like, I wonder if that's Carl. I feel terrible that my memory is destroyed through booze and through, not to sound like a dick, but in different city every night, you know, like,

oh, and here's the people, but like, oh, great, fun. Everybody's fun. And then I forget that the next day,

unless I see, you know, a series. And so I was like, maybe that's Carl. Yeah. I don't know. When,

even when you came up to me, it was like Tommy. I'm like, yeah, hey man, good to see you. It wasn't, your reaction wasn't one of like,

good to see you. It was more one of, thank God I got this right. I rolled the dice. I think you meant another Tommy. This one's got an accent. When did I see this coming? When did I not meet a foreign Tommy? Yeah, is this Tommy Lee from Motley Crue?

Yeah. From the Sahara Mode in instructional movies? The accent. When was I in BMX Bandits and I would have met someone with that accent? You're not Nicole Kidman. You're not the kid who had his ice cream stuck. How the hell would I know you? I did one at a train station years ago going to college.

I was so sure there was this girl that I saw that I knew. And I was always like, oh, I never am sure about these things. And I'm like, that's totally her. And I grabbed her by the arm and I was just like, oh, I never am sure about these things. And I'm like, that's totally her. And, like, I grabbed her by the arm, and I was just like, Julie! And, like, the look of fear in this not-Julie's-eye of just terror in a crowd. I was just like, oh, I couldn't even apologize. I just, like, put my head down and ran away. And, like, that's one of those weird scarring moments of, like,

never assume you know who somebody is. Yeah, yeah. So now it's always like, tell me, tell me. Tell me, tell me? Tell me? Tell me? Is that Julie with the beard and glasses? I think we've talked about this on the show before, because we're both quite bad with remembering people. Carl, you know that thing where you meet people and you don't know who they are and you're

rolling the dice. And I think we just need to agree as a society that this is not on anymore, when people will just go, you don't know who I am do you? the worst thing you can do as a person to someone else who's already struggling I know this makes no sense but this is what in that situation I've seen people for example Nick Cody let's say

I walk down the street and see someone who looks like a fat version of you which could be me yeah this is a weird hypothetical I see someone I see someone who looks like a skinny version Of Nick Cody

And I'm always tempted And I've done it a couple of times To just go up and go Hey Nick Cody Like Just for a laugh Because I think somehow that insult is getting back to you I know it makes no sense

Oh really? But to go Hey Nick Cody to a fat Nick Cody I go Ah, burnt Cody there No, really? But to go, hey, Nick Cody, to a fat Nick Cody, I go, ah, burnt Cody there. No, I didn't. I didn't. I just said a name to someone whose it wasn't. I like the idea that that guy is then going to go home

and get on Facebook and just Nick Cody and look him up and he'll miss him and go, the weirdest thing just happened. A guy came up on the street and thought I was you. The worldwide Chinese whispers were at the end. I go, what the fuck? I look nothing like that. Well, maybe he thinks it's like I'm some inspirational trainer where he looks you up and goes, man, that's me 50 pounds down.

I could be Nick Cody. Yeah. When I went to school with a group of mates, there was this guy in town at the same time as us who looked exactly like my friend Pete. We went to Byron Bay so in different states where we're from. A guy that looked exactly like my friend Pete.

We kept seeing him out and around for the week that we were there going, that guy looks exactly like Pete. And then a month after we get back for whatever reason, we just kept seeing this guy around Melbourne. Almost every time we got on a tram, this guy would be there and we almost every time we got on a tram, this guy would be there,

and we'd all lose our mind and go, yeah, it's you, no Pete! And then, after like a month of this happening, like, we just saw him an insane number of times, you've sort of seen him start to turn, and then recognise us, and go, why are these guys always around me? And why are they always so jubilant when they see me on a tram?

What the fuck is going on I'm not into this improv everywhere shit you guys are fucking with my life there's a headshot of Kyle's that looks very similar to a photo I had taken of me like two years ago it's like a photo of me

it's a headshot of yours and there's a comedy club in Melbourne that when I'm on at that place, will put up your headshot. And people say to me, hey, your beard doesn't look as red in your headshot. You've got a lot more hair. Congratulations. Yeah, we do.

You know what? We should find that photo and put you guys side by side. Because it is uncanny. Because before, I think before I had gotten your CD, I just... I don't think it's uncanny. I think it's canny. It's full canny. Totally canny.

That was the funny thing about getting your album, and then when you bought an album, I was like, oh, this is the guy that's the American looky-likey of Nick Cody. We've got to get that going back. I'm going to put that up on the Facebook page. Are you looking for that photo comparison now, Cody, on your phone? Because it's not going to come up on the podcast. But the beard is such a thing you can do to your face

to make you look like a bunch of other people that I've had people go, you're so-and-so now. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, everyone can see that. That's right. I don't want people to feel left out, all right? Can you hold that picture? Can you hold that picture closer to the microphone?

I'll take a photo of this moment so that there's a little bit of a visual clue for people. Look at the camera. Man, turn the phone up. That's the problem. Turn it up. You're using a phone to take a picture of another phone on a podcast. We'll put that up and now people can piece this moment together.

Slash search, question mark. And it'll be important for people because they can look at that photo and see the similarity and they'll also, behind you, be able to see the windows of this room at the Sahara with the bloodstains running down. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Which one's which again?

Quick, wear my hat. You'll have no idea. I'm going to go back to Australia. You'll start your life here. Yeah, that'll work out great. Did you ever get, do you ever get the other way around? Because when I come to America

I always get called Kyle. Do you ever get called Carl in Australia? He gets a lot of Nick Cody here. I'll tell you, I wasn't getting called anything in Australia. So that's just right. You know what I get called a lot? Hey, where's Kumail? I felt bad because you and I went out for a delicious chicken parma dinner.

I think your last night in Melbourne. I thought it was a joke. I thought it was a prank now you got to eat all of it yeah the rest all around a bit late bringing our food out and then it was a huge meal and you i think you basically ran from the restaurant to on stage yeah and then i think you left uh the country pretty much straight away and next time i saw kamal i said oh i had a coldgirl last night and he was like it was good but I don't know what you did to him but he was like in a coma he just had eaten so much food. Palmer plus running is never Palmer plus running plus show

I don't yeah I'm still not convinced that like it's not some kind of ostrich breast that you've pounded out to the size of like a small beach towel and breaded. But I feel like we just did the cultural exchange because we you know I took you out for a parma in Melbourne you've just taken us out for wings for lunch

big wangs it's funny because it's a pun not really no it's not big wangs I tried to text Carl saying that we were there going hey we're at big wangs with Canaan come and meet us

and as soon as I sent the message I went this sounds like a scam or a trick no one's showing up going, hey, we're at Big Wangs with Canaan. Come and meet us. And as soon as I sent the message, I went, this sounds like a scam or a trick. Nobody would show up to this. No one's showing up. Yeah, this just sounds like a bad message. But, Carl, your Comedy Central special debuted the other night on TV. We don't have to talk about all that stuff.

Yeah, we have to. What else are we going to talk about? Man, we've got Nick Cody on the show. That's how desperate we are for something to talk about. Let's talk about more Hollywood lore but well we can get back to what I want to know is

so the other night I came on TV but you weren't in LA you went I went into the woods you went into the woods so my question is how bad is your special

that's kind of what I was waiting to hear for like well it's like it's awesome that it happened but then I know I was just gonna sit on my computer and like every like every new tweet that came in like does this stranger like me? does this stranger like me?

this stranger likes me? 13 followers does a better stranger like me? like I don't need to do that to myself I'll be self-obsessed so I purposely removed myself from all communicatory ability.

And just put yourself in a bomb shelter. Yeah, went up into the forest in Central California and slept on the snow. It was a bit extreme. In retrospect,

I could have just shut off the phone. Yeah, I could have just closed the computer and read a book for the night. You risked dying.

But I went for a little bit of frostbite. Well, at least that's better than going to sleep in the pool at the Sahara Motor Show. It was. It was still warmer than that. Drenched in vodka. What I would have loved is if you'd gone up in the mountains to escape communication and escape hearing things about the special, and then you're looking up into the beautiful evening sky, and you just see a smoke signal coming up like, who's this Canaan

guy? He can go fucking selfie shit. No! A plane with a banner. You suck. And I just know it's for me. I know it's specifically for me. Changing the channel from one star. How good would it be to just finally have a plane? They always drive by on the beach here where you can't

drink and it's nothing but planes with banners for liquor. And if you just had one that said you're fat, I'd be like, just a thousand promising actresses develop eating disorders. It's more like shitty ignorance. I'd like to have seen an airplane

with a banner that just said, I watched the first minute of the special and it was so shit that I hopped into my plane and took it to the sky so I wouldn't have to be on the ground and risk seeing it anyway. The paint is still wet on the ground. Some hillbilly knocks on your door and goes, I thought that switch from reveal was a bit predictable. Hey, y'all Kyle Kinane? Yeah, listen, I know you don't believe it out of the stereotype, but we got a real good cable package up here.

out of the stereotype, but we got a real good cable package up here. Now listen, now when you say that thing about them fellers you met on the airplane, I just didn't find it believable. Please leave my tent. Right, because I watched a bit of it in this very room, on this very bed that I'm now sitting on. Sounds weird. And you know, because you, I presume people know this about you, you actually do, your special was on Comedy Central, and you do voiceovers on Comedy Central. Yeah. So this is kind of a weird thing where I'm watching you do stand-up, and then it goes to a break, and it's your voice going,

Kyle Kinane will be right back, and then it's you plugging other shows in the break of your own special. The envelope's really full. Very, yeah. Did you give me a bit more juice? Yeah, a little bit, a little bit. Yeah. I got my announcer voice.

Yeah. Turn it up, get a little gruff. Yeah, it was like a Charlie Kaufman had written a Comedy Central Presents where it goes in around itself. It was already weird, like, getting to do that, like, announce friends' names.

I'm like, oh, mine's going to come up. I'm like, you guys got to let me do this. And they're like, they're like, the person's like, well, I think it might be a bit distracting. Not as distracting

as me making no mention of it and being the exact same voice that's leading into the special. That's not going to be distracting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's cool to cut a joke in half and then go to the break and then you do the punchline. You just do it during

a commercial. Yeah, I hope that's in the actual DVD, gone to the break and then you do the punchline and then you just do it during the commercial yeah I hope that's in the actual DVD just the ads of you just narrating stuff

because that's technically that's part of the content it's all you it's still you I should do that that'd be good

yeah if the cuts are actually you in the sound booth we've got the cans on the ears oh like a we are the world

shot everybody recording comedy central could have saved so much money if they just got you

to do the special from inside the announcement book. Listen, we're going to give you a half hour to riff. No renting a theatre, no cameras.

Just one little thing, man, that engineer better laugh because this is going to sound horrible. As long as he's laughing I know I got called. Yeah, if he's not laughing,

man, those signs on planes in the mountains are going to be fucking poor. If the engineer's not into it. Let's just point this out. One half of the guests of the show have just decided to piss off those signs on planes in the mountains are going to be fucking poor. If the engineer's not into it. Let's just point this out.

One half of the guests of the show have just decided to piss off midway through and go to the bathroom. Hey, hey, hey, which one? Which one? Why not though? Because I'm a professional. Which one are we talking to now? They switched hats, I've got no idea. So confused with the newly adopted accent seats of us has taken, but still.

I'm walking around your city today, LA, and if there's something I... Greg, keep the door open so we get the sound of the toilet flushing in on the mix. That'd be great, Cody. Thanks. Cool.

We're not in Podcast City anymore, that's for sure. Some good crazies in your city. Some good crazy dudes. I'm enjoying it. Just up and down. More crazies. I think more crazies in your city some good crazy dudes I'm enjoying it just up and down more crazies I think more crazies here than in Melbourne

I think I think the crazies are exceptional here because people people were crazy when they got here like people travelled here to be crazy yeah cities have their organic crazies

like they're there and they're a little bit but this is a place that attracts them and some of them make it into very high positions and some of them

that's what I was talking about with a friend the other day especially in the 80s talking about Motley Crue you see some of those guys that just got

like what happened everybody that was in that scene it's like oh a lot of them are just wandering around the streets

you can tell they're still part of the Rainbow Room and they just got all methed out and the drug thing just took over. Is it their peak then? Because a lot of actors and musicians and movie stars, whatever, moved to LA to make it.

Are some of the crazies out here on Sunset Boulevard, are they crazy from Ohio? They come here to really be in the top echelon of crazy people? I think they made it. I think just like the top actors from Ohio that come out here and make it to the top actors of the world, the top crazies, they really have a lot to

contend for out there. There should be a walk of fame with all the stars, the crazies out on Sanso Boulevard. But instead of a star, it's just a silhouette of a turd, of a human turd with their name in it. Well, that's why I say Santa Monica's the home of the homeless, because they all live on the beach. If you're going to be

homeless, you can have any property you want. Might as well be beachfront. That makes sense. In New York, I was always upset when it was snowing and there's homeless people. I never understood. What the fuck are you doing? You can go anywhere. Within the limits of your broken mind.

If you can get past the demons that are keeping you within these three sidewalk squares, the world's your rotten oyster. You can do whatever you want. If you can get past the demons that are keeping you within these three sidewalk squares, the world's your rotten oyster. You can do whatever you want. The world's your empty oyster shell. For you to just roll about in the dirt wherever you choose to. I don't know.

I think we're putting a bit too much pressure on people that are walking around three square feet with 17 cats in a sack. Yeah. I'm not sure if they're that organized to get to the other coast of a continent. Yeah. That's true. So what did you see this morning? cats in a sack. I'm not sure if they're that organised to get to the other coast of the continent. So what did you see this morning? Because this is what I like is that we've been pretty flat out, we've been doing a lot of gigs and a lot of

podcasts while we're here. And also we don't have a car while we're here so it hasn't left much time to go out and see things and do things. You've gotten up this morning and just headed out in, I presume, a vain effort to just see weird shit on the street to have stuff to talk about.

Is that fair? What is your last day? The highlights of my last day are crazy people on the street. Anything exceptional? I mean, because like, obviously, we're making light of it, but mentally ill people, yeah.

Rough lives never lead but like to stand up I'm deleting these stories but I mean there's no bigger asshole than like two good looking dudes playing acoustic guitar at Hollywood and Violet with their case out like give me money and there's a guy with no legs on the other side

with just blackened knuckles because that's how he gets himself around like half an ape just moving himself across and there's a guy with no legs on the other side. Yeah, dressed up as Hello Kitty. With just blackened knuckles, because that's how he gets himself around, like half an ape, just moving himself across. And they're singing like, like cutesy stuff, got like product in their hair. I'm like, you go straight to fucking hell.

Give us money. Kiss my ass. Give it to the guy with no legs. Yeah. You guys, yeah. Oh, who's that? We're going to get discovered. You shitbags.

Give that money to the people in the Sahara Motoring to get a better hotel. I'm still going to stand up for this place. You've got fresh paint on the walls. The mattresses are covered in plastic like you're six years old. Yeah, they're the things that are on the billboard out the front. Fresh paint on walls. Plastic on mattress. There's a thing on the sign out the front that says,

Jacuzzi Room that we are yet to find where it is in this hotel. Although we're thinking because there's no ventilation in the bathroom, so once you have a shower, the steam hangs around there for pat and ass. Some guy comes in with a straw. My favourite here though is that

there's three stars lit up, but then above it there's three stars that aren't lit up. Like, hey guys, we haven't made our potential quite yet. They lost their own rating, their own self-review. Once they get rid of that barbed wire off the back fence, that doubles the rating instantly. You better be thankful for that barbed wire. My favourite thing about the

beds here, they're appalling beds, but the bottom sheet is just a normal sheet from a bed, but for a bed half the size, so it doesn't quite tuck in all the way. So, if you're in that and you roll around slightly, suddenly you're wrapped in the bottom sheet just lying on an empty

mattress. These are jack-sized beds. They're going to be like a king or queen. They're going to be like a jack-sized bed. Well, I just don't know, because this is our last day here, and we've all been sharing a room together for a week now. I don't know how we're going to... I mean, the amount of profanity that gets thrown around this room. I don't know how we're going to... I mean, the amount of profanity that gets thrown around this room,

I don't know how we're going to adjust to being... The air marshals are going to be busy on the plane home, I think. Yeah. Has it devolved into the part of just doing full-blown like, wake him up because my dick's going to be in his face, like that kind of humour? Well, the other night after I jumped in the pool,

there was a point where I let out a really long fart and then just exclaimed that my leg hurt because I scratched my leg up and then you fell asleep straight away

and it's that level once everyone's awake we now just have the door open and we hold it open with a chair because it smells like three dudes

that have been drinking heavily I've forgotten both of you guys' names because we all just refer to each other as cunt non-stop while we're within these walls. I don't know. I'm going to have to Google both of you and look up what to call you once we get back home.

That's the worst. Just in general living here, it's like I live at night around other comedians and sort of go out and eat during the day with a friend. Yeah, then this fucking fuckface. There's just children around. You forget that children are a thing that you may have to operate within the context of families eventually like fuck it I'll fuck out of your

fucking butthole man I'll fucking put my dick up her nose if I want to and you just see mothers like not only like just leaving you I'm looking forward to getting home and everything but it seems like I'm coming into a pretty weird situation back at home because I've mentioned on the show

before me, I live with my girlfriend and we live with another couple and the couple are from New Zealand. The girl in the couple, her brother has decided to move over to Melbourne so she's just rocked up to my girlfriend the other day and gone, hey my brother's just going to come and stay here while he's looking for a place

and they don't listen to this part I don't think they know they don't know how to use the internet and they fuck sheep come on so now we've just got this extra dude living in the house that we didn't even get asked about

who knows how long he's going to be there for. The male housemate, he's lost his job right before I left. He's just been sitting around all day. He just draws naked women non-stop when he's at home during the day.

For whatever reason, the other day when he went out... From his imagination or not models? No, just from his imagination? Huh? Not models. No, just from his imagination. This is what they should look like. The other night when he went to bed, he's left them on the floor for some reason. My girlfriend gets up in the morning and her dog has just done a big diarrhea shit all over his naked women drawings. Reviewed.

Yeah, I love it. Like, doing a normal... Two shits down. women drawings which reviewed yeah I love it like it's doing a normal solid shit would be bad enough but a big diarrhea all over

these drawings and so now like I don't know what I'm going to come home to

it seems like I'm going to be coming home into a very tense household

and I don't quite know is it one of those psychology tests where like the shit looks like an ink block but it looks like

a naked woman yeah yeah maybe my girlfriend maybe my girlfriend's giving the dog too much credit maybe it was just him like maybe that was

just his new maybe that's his new direction I wanted to see your house when you get home because that's an amazing place you've got someone that doesn't live there living there

someone who's had their drawing shit on and then you walk in and you go, what's going on, cunts? Let me tell you about my adventure. I like if you hand her

the first thing, it's like, hey man, your girlfriend's dog shit all over my naked lady picture. Hold on a second. Let's go through

that whole segment. Well, I've got all my camping gear in the cupboard and apparently this freeloader, this brother of the housemate, he's, because he's staying, he's just gotten the air

mattress and my sleeping bag out and going, well this is my sleep on. I'm not even there for my permission to be asked. What is going on? That's pretty harsh. It's a shitty situation. I might just, I mean I've talked about this a couple of weeks ago on the show,

I might just ask the Saharan if I can stay here because as shit as this joint is, it still seems like a bit of a better deal than whatever I'm getting myself into at that time. If it was me, I'd just, as he's sleeping, just wake him up and say if you're here tomorrow, I will set you on fire, fuckhead. And you want him to sleep.

Because you've got an innocent face. I will duct tape your neck in the sleeping bag and pour gasoline on you. Well, Nick, I said that to you first night in sleeping bag and pour gasoline on you. Well, Nick, I said that to you first night in this room and it had no effect, so clearly I'm not taken seriously. Did you say you had a sleeping bag in your house?

Yeah. I might move into your place because I think that's a better bed than the ones we've got. Yeah. These are pretty shocking. Yeah. How bad am I going to sleep with this? Yeah, give it a crack.

Just lie on... I don't know if Nick's is as bad as mine, but it's like... They're the same. It's like a car bonnet with a sheet on it. It's pretty bad. It's a firm mattress. It's a...

You know what it is. It's a great passing out option. Yeah. So if you're passing out, it's very comfortable. It's good for a bad back. We haven't travelled enough. You're the sort of man that's travelled too much.

This is just in the middle of all the shitty hotels you've been to. Yeah, I'm still like, the paint looks good. I think that's the only reason I've been drinking so much while I've been here is because you can't sleep on that bed unless you're passed out. I've been using that excuse for 10 years. I've got to drink myself to sleep. Or I could just buy a new mattress. That's what I could do.

I could just spend 200 bucks and buy a new mattress. Yeah, this beer is posturpedic. I didn't need to find a higher power. I just needed a sleep number. And that settled me in. So to come back to it, you're crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw some good stuff.

I saw some good stuff on the street. And the trash can is from a different hotel. Yeah, we've talked about that before. They've gone out and racked it from a different place. Yeah, the worst hotel around has got the second different hotel. Yeah, we've talked about that before. They've gone out and wrecked it from a different place. Yeah, the worst hotel around has got the second worst hotel things.

And just because we're, I mean, we've talked about it on the show the other week, but just check this out. We came in here the first night we were here.

The phone started ringing so I picked it up. Oh, okay. No one's having a chat on there. No cord on the phone. Another sweet digital. There's two.

There's two of them. I like the idea of like a, a phone with no cord, but a call constantly coming in. That's what happens. It's just a warning. That's what happens. Whatever you do, don't stay in the room. In the hotel, it's like, just take the cords out.

The Joe Cusack 1308. Yeah. It is the Indian burial ground. That's it. That's it. You only move the headstones. you don't move the bodies. That would be great if they rigged it up in a way that, like, they had some kind of recording, like, speaker device

in the handset of the phone. So you pick it up, there's no cord attached, and you go, well, I'm not going to hear anything. And you still hear, get out! Get out! That would be an amazing prank. I wonder how many people have thought like that if they heated up their needles in the microwave. They could share them.

That thought's had to have happened, right? Or if they froze them in the pool. Fuck them! Somebody's watching. It's alright, I got one of those diseases you need needles for good heroin doesn't freeze yeah yeah I've got diabetes and I need a lot

of medicine right now I saw a dude just before getting here I quite liked him he got to the front of a tattoo parlor and he stuck his head in and this guy was so drunk and he put his head in and And this guy was so drunk. And he put his head in and yelled out,

Hey, can you have a beer after getting a tattoo? And I didn't know whether he was... He'd already proven that you could? Like he'd already got a tattoo maybe in the morning? He's waiting for them to say no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, guess what? Yeah, yeah yeah yeah well guess what yeah yeah yeah yeah i've proven it was um or maybe that he had had one and the consequence of having a beer after tattoo was just to be that fucking drunk after it yeah was he a homeless guy or just a

regular old i don't know when someone's that drunk you look at their clothes and go i don't know anymore yeah they've just been out for a couple days. That could be a thing where you get a tattoo but the needle has a bit of alcohol in it that goes, kind of like pierces the skin and goes into your bloodstream. So you get fucked up

while you're getting a tattoo. If it was from Marley Crudes, they would mainline Jack Daniels. Can I get my love mum on my carotid artery? I saw another dude and he was like arm deep in a bin, in a garbage can, and then we pulled it out. I realised that he had a rabbit's foot around his neck. And I was like, man, time to give up on the idea of luck,

I think, at the moment. Time to put some plans into place. She's looking for horseshoes and clovers. When I was in high school, the bit of the oval that we would hang out on... I had to eat my rabbit's foot. I had to boil rabbit's foot for dinner. Take it down to Popeye's and get him to throw in some batter for him. The clover really adds some spice.

A nice garnish on my rabbit foot. When we were in high school, we would hang out on this bit of oval that was next to the street outside the school, and there was a bin, and there was a homeless guy that would come along at the exact same time every day to fish out of the bin.

I don't know what it was. He worked out some formula, like, hang on a minute, 1.30, there's a McDonald's around the corner, there's going to be a lot of discarded French fries in there. But it was kind of this real event because we'd go,

it happened once, and then the next day it's happened again, and then the third day it's like, he's not surely coming back. And then it was like, this is routine. Was it for food or was it for bottles and cans? No, no, it was for food.

Yeah, yeah, so he just sticked food. So he still had a watch. Or he'd gotten really good at reading. He was probably thinking, I thought my life was shit. Here's a group of kids that watch a homeless man have food every day. They also keep thinking I'm named Pete for some reason. Did we talk about that before the podcast? What? Yeah, I didn't get it.

Okay. You were following the guy around that you thought was Pete, and he got to know you. Oh, yeah, that was on the podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was it? Oh, good times. We've been taping this forever.

Cal doesn't listen. As long as Cal's not listening. The guy with the rabbit's foot, I forgot if it wasn't a foot, it was a whole leg. It was a rabbit's leg. That's got to be even luckier, though. I just like that as a sentence.

Sorry, guys, I forgot. It wasn't just a foot, it was a whole leg. That's a world of difference. So it wasn't a keychain, it was just a dismembered piece of rabbit. Around a necklace, around his neck. It was a bit over the top. A bit?

Yeah. What else? Any other? Because this must just be like a home away from home for you. Because we talk on the show before about Maryborough, the small country town that you grew up in and the crazies and stuff. They were the main ones in that the rest of them you can go, hi, there was this guy

that was just screaming he was so unhappy oh it was funny but there's a lot man so you still haven't got to see anyone famous which has been my favourite thing

to give you shit about on this trip is that you just wanted to see famous people I know it's a it's a weird expectation in Hollywood yeah

I saw that on Hollywood Boulevard one day. And people that live here don't really go down this way. We've discovered. Hey, do you want to come to our podcast? Yeah, where are you guys at? Do you mean they don't take their friends to where their star is? Look, look, I told you.

See? I made dozens of movies. Why don't you believe me? I find that really weird up on Hollywood Boulevard, is it? Where they have actually the stars. The stars on the street. Is that the one? Yeah.

I think it's just so you don't see all the dildo shops you walk by. You've got your eyes focused on the ground. It's such a crummy street. I find that fascinating the way that they've got Harrison Ford's star out the front of a 7-Eleven. All of those are crummy locations. It's the Sydney Road of Hollywood. It's a shit, shit street.

I saw Andy Dick. I just saw two people carrying somebody that was super wasted in the middle of the day. It was one of those sad things. Like, oh God, it looks like Andy Dick. Oh, it's Andy Dick. Yeah, yeah. And it was like, too, like, Catale just got wasted.

Sadly, like, some people thought, like, this is hilarious. Andy Dick's hanging out with, like, just tourists or whatever, dragging him down the boulevard to another bar. It was like, hmm, glamorous. He's one of the people. I like him more now. Yeah, yeah. Well, every time you see like every time

that just the Hollywood like that goes through my head every time I just see a guy like shitting in an alley I always sing that song

walking through Hollywood this is a transvestite yeah Hollywood have you seen have you seen the billboard at the front of here?

There's a billboard that says, HIV test, one minute results, go to hivtest.net. I'm not sure. HIV.com. Put in your name, you have AIDS. What? I don't think you can insert blood into the computer. Is it just a questionnaire saying, have you had sex with anyone with HIV? I'm sure it's one of those things like,

did you actually come to this website? Go get a test. What if it's like just one guy who's fucked heaps of people and you put their name in and he goes, don't remember having sex with them and I have AIDS. So no, I think you might be clean. It seems like an interesting concept anyway. Well, here in LA, there's a lot of crazies

around, you've been telling us some great, because you and I have been travelling together on the road for about a week, we've had a lot of time to talk and a lot of silences to fill in, and you've told me a lot of great crazy person stories from Mary Barra that haven't

come out on the show yet and two in particular that you told us when we were in Vegas that I really think should come out. Can I interrupt to say how polite Nick was about opening a beer on the air but openly went to take a piss? Yeah. But you were so gentle about making sure you heard the beer open. Yeah, it's your beer.

No, it was your last day to drink that beer. No, you can't do that. I know you're a big beer drinker. I can't have two. I drove my car. Fuck it. All right. I'm not going back to jail. I know you're a big beer fan. I can't have two. I drove my car. Fuck it. Alright. I'm not going back to jail.

I love that I get to say that now. Have you been to jail? Yeah. If you've seen his Comedy Central special, Whiskey Icarus, available now on iTunes. You earned that beer. Premiering in Australia next week on channelthepiratebay.com

iTunes. It's great. And the story Premiering in Australia next week on channelthepiratebay.com. Aren't you? It's great. And the story about going to jail was... Yeah. It was just for now. I got arrested for a DUI. Right near here. Oh, really?

I took a tour of Kyle's Hollywood. Yeah. Up on Wilcox's, the jail. I spent a night in there. Yeah. And I walked back to my car. And the next day, my car broke down after I got it back. And an inspiring story about Hollywood was that I saw a transvestite,

probably a holdover from the 80s glam days, that just went, fuck it, I want to be like a woman. And so he was just a dude, like a scruffy homeless dude, with old rocker tattoos, but was wearing a sundress and a purse. And just kind of clumping down the street. After my car broke down, I went to jail. I'm like, if this guy's getting up in the condition his life is, doesn't even have a home, but is like, I'm going to dress like a lady.

That's who I want to be. I was like, and I'm going to bitch about my stupid problems, and this guy's going to be like, yes, that's Hollywood in a nutshell. Homeless ex-80s rocker, probably a drug addict, but you still want to dress like a lady you come here you can do it.

If that's your dream you can do it. Fuck there's quite a fallout from that era from the sounds of this. It wasn't it wasn't Oh hey

I have a The look of the car is sweet That is sweet No just to give a bit No he had a beer Cause I know there might be people thinking

this is bullshit they're not really in some shit hotel. They're in a studio. This is all set up. That was just to give it a bit of real LA flavor. That was really good. And we're off the street and the doors are closed and you can still hear that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably three blocks away. It's the quality of plastering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just another mark against this place. The insulation is shitty. It's a bit brisk in the evenings. I don't know if it's a crazy story.

I think it's not about a crazy person. It's more an interesting story. It's a good Mary Burrows story. I grew up with a guy that was trying to impress me and my friends by saying, I used to live near this guy in the street. No, he still did. There was a guy down the street from him and his name, right,

his name is Barry Monopoly. And we're like, that's a pretty funny name, but you've made that up. And he's like, no, I haven't. I haven't made that up. I'm like,

as if anyone's called Barry Monopoly. And so every day we'd go we'll prove it take a photo of his mailbox or you know do something and Barry's short

for like what Abraham I don't know full name would be like Bartholomew Monopoly or Abraham Monopoly do you have

Barry here as a name yeah it's short for usually Abraham oh really Barry Lincoln that's

yeah Barry let the slaves go fucking good work Baza Usually Abraham. Barry Lincoln. Barry let the slaves go. Fucking good work, Baza. Good on you, Barry. Big Baz. Big Baz has done it again. Abraham Monopoly. Where's your Moe, Barry, you dickhead?

So yeah, he'd go, no, no, no, it's really true. His name's Barry Monopoly. And we're like, that's too ridiculous. As if that's true. So one day he goes,, no, no, no, it's really true. His name's Barry Monopoly. And we're like, they are too, you know, that's too ridiculous. As if that's true. So one day he goes, I'm going to prove it. He brought in a page ripped out of the phone book. And he goes, there you go, proof, Barry Monopoly. And what he'd done was, there was someone in there called Glenn Monopoly. And he'd scratched out the Glenn and put Barry in.

And we're like, man, you had us at Monopoly. Barry wasn't the art that wasn't the unbelievable so there's a Glenn Monopoly out there but not a Barry one I love that, I love it I like that I know every Barry that I meet it's short for Abraham because Abraham's

either Abe or I always thought like people would call it Barry like I mean no Barry in Australia you just Barry

like it's maybe that's here but I think it's also it's a lot of Jewish people have are Barry's and I always thought I've never met a Jewish

Barry because Barry's we were talking about this the other day but I'd like to bury a lot of Jews we just turned the theme of this the other day but I'd like to bury a lot of Jews we just turned the theme of this one around

sorry once I want to have more to drink but Sunset's about to happen and you know what I've got to do on Friday it's home time with the family we talk about

what this podcast really is more white dudes conspiring it's time to take our country back or your country let's just take a country we were talking about this the other day

that's a big thing in comedy back home it's like anytime someone's doing a bit where they're impersonating someone talking to someone else the go to comedy name is always Barry and you know that would be like a guy standing there and going what do you think about this Barry for whatever reason

you guys over here what do you reckon about Abraham? Is his made-up friend named Abraham? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of his made-up

friends named Abraham. It should be back in Australia, it should be, what do you think about that Captain Cook? Yeah, yeah.

Some equally big figure from history. Yeah, yeah, check out, why don't you ask your little mate, Edmund Barton.

That is a sweet reference that's sweet it's even got an American laughing at it first prime minister yes

yeah oh yeah that's a thing that's a thing that's a thing okay look let's bring this up

pretty proud Carl you and I and Carl went and had dinner at El Compadres the other night. Late dinner. We both got violently ill the next

day. We got very, very sick because we both had the same thing. Did you really? Yeah. I love that you guys... What kind of health? Throw up or the shit? The chocolate mole. Maybe the clue should have been in the name there. Yeah. I got home at 4 o'clock that morning.

I've been up drinking Honey Jack Daniels all night. And the next night, you guys are on the toilet. And I go, well, I'm happy I didn't make the poor decisions that they did. I just stayed out drinking whiskey for the poor. I poisoned myself intentionally. And it was like our second day in this room And good god it was a pretty brutal day To be in this confined space

It was no good It was on Thanksgiving so there wasn't a lot to be thankful for So you felt like the Native American So anyway the next day we've gone back We're back at El Compadre two days later, and me and Nick both found this weird. Carl thought it was acceptable. We need a

mediator. We need the deciding vote here to see what you think, Carl. We're all ordering our food. Waiter gets around to Carl and Carl goes, two nights ago I was here and I had the chicken mole and it went straight through me. It went right through me.

And the guy just didn't know what that means. So then Carl has to go. I spent like all day on the toilet. I was on the toilet all day. And the waiter's just sort of looking at him going, what has this got to do with me? Do you want food or do you not want food? And then we brought it up. Carl sort of got very angry about that.

You know what? Carl never gets angry. This is what I love about Carl. But I've never seen him snap at the level he did. I said, why are you bringing this up? Why are you bringing diarrhea up to the waiter? Shut up! He just yelled, shut up! Well, you were asking in the middle while I was halfway through

explaining to him. That's why. That's why we brought it up. We were trying to make you stop. Maybe it's the fact that you're talking where you're like, listen, your restaurant made me real sick the other night and now I'd like to try the number seven. Maybe that's why the waiter

couldn't give less of a fuck about you. All right, dummy, what's next? I think because I personally, I accept that I just have a lifestyle-based diarrhea that I'm just like, that's just par for the course for me. Like, I'm going to eat horrible things. Lifestyle-based diarrhea. I'm not like a regular lady walking to a hotel room.

I saw something, I'm like, let me see if it's a lunatic. There was a guy who stayed here for three days while we were here who was always in the car park, and not once did I see him wearing a shirt. Like, I'd see him walk in... Yeah, it's nice weather. ...walk in from outside not wearing a shirt. Everyone I've seen around here, it's been, like, nice family time.

So many shirts. And when we have our door open to air it out and you make eye contact with these people, they look in going, are they lunatics? And you just wave, and they're like, oh, they're not bad. It's like we're the compound of the war. If you get a chance to look into a hotel room, it's always like... We had a family try and get into our room the other day when we were doing a podcast.

They were going into the wrong room. And it was like a husband and wife and two kids. It's like, man, this is where you're checking in on your family vacation. Man, I wish I had walked in on that podcast. Y'all got a bunch of Europeans in there talking to each other in the middle of the room all strange life. And what I don't like is that Chandler thinks he slid on his diarrhea tog to the waiter. First off, did you get diarrhea again?

No. No, because the question was, here's this. But without the thing that gave me diarrhea. That's the thing that's exactly just see him wash his hands 86 of diarrhea. But, same thing. He's getting the same thing. No diarrhea this time. Here's the thing. That's exactly. You just see him wash his hands.

Fine. Here's the thing. That's exactly what happened though. I got the same meal and he went, okay, I'll take that bit out. And I got it.

I didn't get diarrhea. Well, maybe you got a bad lot. What did you get? Chicken, beef? What did you get? Chicken.

Yeah. Chicken's always a roll of dice but we had the, it's like for people back home who will not know what this means like a mole sauce which is kind of like a very sweet, I don't know what that means it's diarrhea in Spanish it's the cakes to be fair, it's sort of the colour

and consistency of diarrhea, it's a very sweet chocolatey almost sauce it's made with chocolate it's a very weird thing to have on a meal. It is good when you don't get diarrhea

from it. It's very good. To be honest, it tasted good. It did taste good. I mean, your body's taking in something new.

I would want my body to be like, what's this? And panic a little and give me diarrhea. It's when I don't get diarrhea now is that's when I

get nervous because that's my body just going, we accept it. And it's not, my body's giving me no warning signs or no like, hey, this kind of was rough on us. Next time,

maybe be careful. Like when I don't get hangovers and I don't get diarrhea, like that's my body just going, you know what you're doing. There's nothing we can do to tell you that this is poison. So now,

go fuck yourself. So I think that's just you're trying something new and your body reacts accordingly to something new. I might go to Compadre's on the way to the airport, have a bit of the mole sauce, save it up on the flight just in case my housemate's done some new drawings when I get home. I could really...

And I love that you think you can keep that sauce off for a 15-hour period. I'm just playing this shit for 18 hours sweating with white knuckles on the arm rest I got some naked lady drawings to take care of just pop a cork in this bad boy you should actually ask for a container of it and take it on the plane because it's not like you have to refrigerate it in case it goes off

can I get a doggy bag for this dog diarrhea that I'm about to eat? This stuff actually got better with exposure. Yeah, the antidote to it is just to leave it at room temperature for two days. I just love that you went to the same restaurant that made you sick.

I love the fortitude that you showed there. That was the quote that we've been putting around. The funny thing about him saying that to the waiter is like, I came here the other day, it made me sick beyond all belief, I've been on the toilet nonstop for 48 hours, and it's been one of the worst experiences of my whole life. But I give chances. Yeah, so as you can see, I've come back.

I think your Sprite might be a little bit off, too. So this time I'll have a Coke, and then give me that weird chocolate sauce on the old chicken dish. But that's what I was saying, because it didn't make me sick. I just went to the toilet a lot, and as I was doing it, I was going,

you know what, that was delicious, I'll do it again. It's worth it. I've talked about this on the show before. I get sick very easily, and there are things that I know set me off and make me very ill. But I avoid them

most of the time, but then every now and then I'll be out for breakfast and I'll go you know what? The eggs Benedict looks good. I've got nothing to do for the rest of the day. Doesn't matter. I'm just going to have it. I'm near my house. I can be parked there all day. If I have a coffee first thing in the morning,

I'm shitting three times before midday but I'll still do it five times a week because fuck coffee that's not going to beat me I'm an Iron Man

I'll make a few shits you're cleaning out your system that's how I think you do it Eggs Benedict I love the Russian roulette of like only served

like you know not served past 11.30 and it's 11.15 I'm like I want that Eggs Benedict you pull the skin off the taco and you give me that weird mayonnaise based sauce. I get the Eggs Benedict

with a bit of avocado and a coffee and that's got to be the richest combination you can put in there. I can't think of anything that's more of a gamble than that combination. That's a lot of high density, very rich, very intense action. Well, you're talking to Kyle Kinane. So, very rich, very intense action.

Well, you're talking to Kyle Kinane. So I'm going to tell you about combinations. You mean Kyle Kinane with Whiskey Icarus out now on iTunes? Yeah, iTunes early next year on hard copy DVD. Hang on, I prefer to take the word of a non-jailbird, to be honest. I don't know if I can trust. You tell me about bread and water, and maybe I'll take that advice. You've never eaten hot dogs boiled in a toilet before.

I'll tell you about that, Aria. Yeah, Calcane Whiskey, you're filmed live at San Quentin. It's a great scene. Me and Johnny Cash. Wildly different reactions. That song Boy Named Kyle didn't make that much sense you guys got 7-Elevens

in here? I'm just kidding you guys don't have anything this is one thing I miss about when I used to do temp work before I did comedy full time I would walk into my office from my house, I would get a coffee on the way there and you know what I miss

the routine of getting a coffee at the same time every morning which would mean that I would do a shit at the exact same time every day. I miss it. I would get in at 9 I'd be there for an hour and then I'd be and just that you know that pacing you like. It's nice to rely on systems once in a while.

I had that too like oh don't read that on your phone yet you know when you're going to read that yeah yeah because I've talked

to people now who you know have full time jobs and they go oh I don't go to the toilet if I'm not at home yuck I never go

to work I'm like man that's an easy half an hour away from your desk are you kidding me paid to shit that's what I would love

the best tell me I'm wasting time and then go in there after I'm in. Are you kidding me? Paid to shit. That's what I would love. Tell me I'm wasting time and then go in there after I'm in there. You tell me if I didn't need to be in there. You tell me Indian food for breakfast is a poor decision when I'm making cash money on the corporation. I would just sit on the toilet and just desperately Facebook and Twitter people. It's like, if I get a conversation going, I can get distracted from how long

I've been away. Oh, it's been 45 minutes. Alright. I didn't shwerma that I found last night. You tell me I didn't need to be in that bathroom. There's a place they do freelance at where the shared toilet, you'd have to use like a hotel room card to get into the toilet. Like a security card. So I'd borrow someone else's security card, go to the toilet and come back and go,

man, if they trace what I did back to you, you're in trouble. to the toilet and come back and go, man, if they trace what I did back to you, you're in trouble. I went to a call center and they used to yell at us because you had to log off the phones for a certain amount of time, but you had to put in a code for whatever reason it was. So it was for business or you're in a meeting, blah, blah, blah. But then there was number nine, which was personal, and people were taking personal time. So they put us in a meeting saying, hey, you can't just take personal time. And we said, well,

that's going to the toilet. Yeah. There's no option for that. And they're like, all right, well, if you put in personal time now, you have to specify what it's about. So I hit number nine, then the little box would come up. What's it for? And I go, taking a runny dump in the bathroom on your dollar. And then that would never get brought up in a meeting. I got an 8-incher that's being real patient. Being real patient with its moves. Now, again, when those two things came up, Carl looked very uncomfortable,

which again is bizarre behavior. You're a man who has no problems telling a waiter about his bowel troubles. Yeah, who just shit eight times in a 24-hour period, or whatever it was. Oh, hold on, someone's in a 24-hour period, or whatever it was. Oh, hold on, someone's got a tapered one. Let's not talk about that. No, I just don't like talking about that stuff on the podcast.

Oh, what a... Fucking hate this guy. Can I get an earlier flight? Your vacation is over, guys. Well, guys, I think that might be just about it. That might be it. We've got four people enjoying it.

For the little dum-dum club. For another week, Kyle Kinane, the special Whiskey Icarus, has gone up on iTunes today, the day that we are here. Thank you so much for joining us again. We are about to head to the airport, get on a plane. We will see you guys back in Australia. Thank you very much for listening, and we will see you next time. See you, mates!